Things to text your boyfriend

I had a wonderful childhood. I couldn't have asked for a better one. My parents, brother, family, ... so much love in my life.
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.

Characters in this story (me 17) (Sydney 16)
So about a month ago me and this girl we will call Sydnee started dating, I met her at a get together at a friends house, she was a nice person when we started dating. This was my first relationship so i didn’t see any red flags, so a week into our relationship she started asking me to grind against her and stuff, I told her I don’t feel comfortable doing that and that I would rather just have intimacy in the future and not a week into us dating, she yelled at me at called me intimacy driven because I told her no. Later that night she called me. Crying that she was roped, I stated to freak out and I Told her to tell me what happened, she said her parents weren’t home and she invited one of her boy friends over to hangout, and one thing led to another but apparently this boy only figured her, I told her to report him and stuff but she didn’t, so 3 weeks pass and she asks me to grind against her again, I told her I want to wait and plus I would rather have real intimacy then just grinding, she got all mad at me and stopped talking to me for a week, the following Monday she asked if I could do it again and I finally gave in from pressure and did what she wanted, she was happy and was climbing on top of me for the next week. After while I started working more and didn’t give her as much attention i used to. She called me 3 days ago calling me intimacy driven because her online friends say so. She said everytime we hangout we have intimacy and I told her we haven’t even had intimacy but she didn’t listen, and I told her if she’s going to keep telling these people about our personal relationship then I don’t want to date her so I told her we’re over. She begged for me to take her back but I was a fool taking her back, not 10 min later she calls me saying we need to take a break and that she thinks I’m dating her for her body. I told her why I’m in a relationship and she didn’t like my answer, so we broke up, she proceeded to text every single one of my friends why we broke up, she had told them that I would force my self onto her and grind against her and that I was breaking her boundaries at this point I had a enough and screamed at her that she’s a horrible person for telling all my friends that I had roped her when I never did, but I’m glad non of my friends believed her because they have known me for the last 12 years, then last night she called me saying she has a new boyfriend and saying she’s having panic attacks because she thought she losts a friend, I told her she lost her friend when she texted my friends all those things, she has been texting and calling me saying she still loves me but I’ve been ignoring her. Did I take this right?

Yesterday morning, my boyfriend and I were laying in bed. We were scrolling on instagram together, when I saw the profile of his ex on the stories. I was suprised, because since we’ve been dating (8 months), he’s always been VERY clear about what he does after a relationship: block the ex and cut off contact entirely.
So I was surprised, asked him if they spoke. He told me they spoke for an hour over text last week. Obviously, I’m surprised, because it goes against everything he’s told me.
In their conversation, they apparently talked about “everything”, he asked her if she got married (she posted a picture in a white dress, but wasn’t married), talked about their country, work etc. He now lives abroad.
Now, he’s always told me this girl was absolutely gorgeous, that he found her very attractive. Always an ick for me but it was maybe twice that we talked about it, but he had told me just how beautiful she was.
I asked him why he didn’t tell me, he told me he does block his exes for a little time, then unblock them.
???
I then tell him that he should tell me the whole information, because he’s been so anchored in this value of “when it’s done it’s done” in a relationship. Now I learn it isn’t true, because he left 50% of the information to himself. I told him that wasn’t okay, but he then told me he didn’t understand why he should tell me everything. I told him that if he decides to tell me one thing he should bring the rest. I said I couldn’t trust him about other things now.
My issue is not their talking, I trust him. I know their relationship wasn’t that deep. My issue is that he left after a screaming match, refusing to listen to my complaints, instead immediately attacking me or getting in defense mode.
I’m so hurt of not being heard. We haven’t texted since the fight which is highly unusual for us. I just want him to admit for once that he’s wrong, or even just listen to me instead of defending himself.
I’m overwhelmed and I don’t want to leave the relationship, because we really are happy together. He illuminates my life, everything feels easy with him, he makes me laugh and makes me feel safe.
This fight, and another one we had, really hurt me, and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if I’m at fault.
Am I at fault, reddit? Should I still wait for him to make the first move? Since we’ve started going out, he hasn’t apologised to me once, about anything, and this time i just don’t want to be weak and stepped on.
TLDR; boyfriend 22M lied about cutting contact with his exes, thinks he didn’t lie, stopped talking to me.

I've used ChatGPT to write like 4 essays and have never been caught, I wrote the first myself. Now I just upload my new assignment file, the file of my text I'm writing about and then the file of my previous human written essay and ask it to write me a response that follows the same writing style and tone as my first essay, I then go over to fact check some things such as quotes to make sure they're real and then I paraphrase if it sounds TOO robot like.
Never ever been caught like this, not even pulled up once. I think it's more so obvious and only really noticeable when either the writing style changes drastically, the sources or facts don't exist or are wrong. Basically LAZY AI users not people who are smart. Then again you argue if you're smart just do it yourself.. true but that's not the point.
Anyone else have any insights or experiences on using ChatGPT for university?

Im a 23 year old average Male. I was always bullied for being a fat kid. I had very less friends and always found it difficult to communicate. I am a single child so was always by myself.
Now Im in the US, I have lost weight and have also developed myself. Since childhood I did not have any female friend. Now I see everyone around me have good communication skills and have a relationship.
Lately I have realised that Im the only one in my friends who is still virgin and been single his whole life. This just makes me feel sad and feels like what is wrong with me am I that ugly or uninteresting.
All this started with me feeling more horny and feeling to have a female companion. I got engaged in porn and now I am a porn addict. This also stopped giving me satisfaction then I joined few adult groups on telegram and some communities where they discuss adult stuff.
I also tried a lot of activities. When I was serious about relationships I started with tinder, bumble, hinge nothing worked for me. I have texted to more than 100 girls on hinge still like 2 of them have replied. I was devastated, tired, irritated and frustrated.
Then I started doing stuffs just to pull up a hookup or ONS. I tried my luck in bars too but I made girls uncomfortable. Now nothing is working and I don’t know why Im giving this so much importance. It will happed when its the right time but sometimes Im just so restless, lately I tried getting paid gf for hourly its as same as a hooker and even considered serious about erotic massage parlours and to get a happy ending.
I feel really embarrassed about myself. Like this is what Im thinking or doing and all this is so wrong at the end I know I will just ruin my life. I feel bad for doing these things but also sometimes I can’t stop myself.
Thanks a lot for hearing me out and Please share your suggestions

Am I wrong for soft ghosting one of my “friends”?
Wow, this one might me a long one.
So I moved to (undisclosed location) sometime in the beginning of last year. When I moved here I really had no friends but became heavily involved in this yoga studio I went to and slowly but surely started to make friends/acquaintances with the teacher that instructed me.
From afar she seemed super cool and I became pretty enthralled with her and her life. I would look forward so heavily to going to her classes every week and was quite intrigued by her. I thought she was funny, bubbly, spunky, cool, and always made jokes during class that made me laugh. As months went by I found myself wanting to get closer and closer to her, and she even invited me out one time to one of her “events” she was hosting. Here’s the thing;
It seemed like we had a lot in common and was just generally craving camaraderie and connection. I felt a sense of belonging with her and wanted to expand that energy in my life, and wanted to do anything I could to get closer to her for those reasons. But I guess this is where we have the first red flag;
One day after class, she extended an invitation to me to a meet up of sorts, (I’m being sparing with details just out of fear she might read this) and when she invited me it seemed like it was gonna be this big thing with lots of people invited, and just in general in talking to her it seemed as if she was very well connected and respected within her community, had lots of friends and connects, and I thought this was gonna be a huge thing that I was even lucky to be invited to. I was super stoked and exited about it.
However when the day of the event came, I was super tired and slow to getting up that morning. I figured I would just make my way over whenever I could since it seemed causal and like you could drop in whenever. I also figured there would be more than enough people that no one would really even notice my arrival or departure. (Plus, sometimes it’s chic to be fashionably late ;) ). Well…. I was most definitely wrong.
When I showed up I heard someone excitedly shout my name, which was her, and she waved me down to the “meet up”…. There was literally only one person there and it had been going on for 2+ hours. I was definitely a bit unnerved, but also didn’t want to be rude, and like I said I was just kind of happy to be there and be getting invited to things. But it was kinda like, damn…. Are these all the friends you have?
I had dressed up and looked cute but they were just kind of wearing whatever and I felt awkward and overdressed and also embarrassed now that I was even this late because it was clearly much more intimate than I expected and my arrival/absence was DEFINITELY felt. We had chatted a bit and that was cool but then I remember her confessing me that she had cried to her husband earlier that morning that she was scared nobody was going to show up and how thrilled she was that not only one, but TWO people had showed up and that it felt like she had friends. I wasn’t really sure what to say or make of that.
She also…. The whole time (and mind you, this is our first legitimate interaction out of yoga class) just kind of kept talking maniacally AT me, not to me, and was coming off almost even manic, and she had formed a white crust of spit around her mouth probably from talking so much that I couldn’t look away from. To say the least, I was a bit disturbed coming away from this interaction but I just kept telling myself that I was being too judgmental of her and to give it a chance and that maybe she was just hyper that day and that I had probably had unintentional embarrassing hygiene moments as well. So I keep going to class and that’s that.
There were several other red flag moments between this first interaction and the next one, mostly just her incredibly cringey social media presence that I genuinely almost couldn’t stand to see without feeling like I was withering away inside, but maybe I’ll save that for later. It’s almost like I couldn’t just see that the person I thought was so cool in class and the person I was seeing her be online and outside of class were the same people. But I digress.
She had actually ended up inviting me to go with her on one of her international yoga retreats, and I was actually very excited about this. I had very little time with her in between classes, and my attraction (but also repulsion) with her was growing stronger and I wanted to figure her out and see what she was really about and what the pull I was feeling towards her was about. Plus, I love travelling and just thought it would be fun.
I had a pretty good time, but we didn’t get to talk much, HOWEVER, I do remember this distinct point during the trip where it was myself, 2-3 other fiends I had made, her brother, and her “best friend” who had happened to be her brother’s Gf in a room together, talking. the brother, the best friend, and the other friend I made just all completely started talking shit about her and I was so confused.
I felt super hurt by this actually, bc I felt like I had a inexplicable bond with the teacher who had invited me, she was the reason we were all there in that beautiful place, and I just couldn’t understand why they were choosing to be so negative about someone I thought they had claimed (at least by title) to love. They would say things like “I can’t fucking stand your sister” (one of the friends I made to the brother) and everyone would just sigh and put their hands in their head and be like “I know…. I know. It’s a lot. She’s a lot”. And I didn’t have anything to add to the conversation because I was just so confused and I knew the girl would just be so upset if she heard them saying this. Anyway… that confusion stuck with me for a while after.
Fast forward maybe a month or two, I started hanging out with her more regularly myself outside of class. I would say this is when we became more “friends”. She would invite me to other teachers classes and we would talk a lot about our lives.
I learned how she felt about her close friend and family connections, and how she often felt hurt and betrayed by people close to her and how some of her friends were actually really shady. I just got a general sense of her feeling scapegoated and libeled against by ppl that got close to her and how she had walls up for that reason.
She also shared to me that most of her family was cut off, with the exception of her brother who she had recently rekindled a connection with, hence why he was on that trip. I felt very bad for her and wanted to be a source of comfort and support, and she would often comment on how she felt a sense of camaraderie with me since I also (LITERALLY) had no family and how we have to make our chosen family. This was a sweet sentiment, for sure, but I was still sussing out how I felt about her.
So one day, a mutual friend that had been on the trip with us was having a birthday party and I guess that she was invited to it, too. She sat down next to me and I was SUPER excited to see her as I was craving her energy and hadn’t seen her in some time. But then… idk. She had had a lot to drink. I’m fully aware that she’s kind of a quirky individual, and has a way of socializing which I can sometimes find a bit uncomfortable or even intense, (like the first meetup I spoke of) but this time it was even more and seemed to be heightened by the drinking.
Her husband was sitting on her other side and kept trying to interject and insinuate that maybe she was doing a bit much, but I think she was drunk enough to the point that she just found it funny and had no awareness of how she was coming off. There’s not even a way I can describe it really, but she just seemed a bit obsessive over me and kept making jokes that were literally not funny and seemed to have lost all ability to read the room. I also had noticed that she had only had TWO beers and was acting like this already which I found… really strange.
So at some point she goes to the bathroom, and I also get in line for the bathroom about 5 mins later. When I get up to the bathroom, she’s still in there, and there’s a line of about 2 or 3 people ahead of me. When she exits the bathroom she immediately spots me and rushes up to me and just starts… drunkenly spewing.
I can’t even remember what she was saying, but we were in a pretty high class establishment and I remember her gushing over me and was saying “I just want to let you know that I don’t really have friends or let people close to me in my circle but I just want to let you know that YOU are officially in my circle and you have earned friend status to me and I’ve let you in my circle…” or something like that. And I just kept thinking, who tf even says that??? I’m pretty sure the last time I checked that friendship is a two way street and it’s not just a title we bestow onto some “lucky” person and that’s that. Like girl… let ME decide if I want to be friends too first.
It was partially that, and also the way she was drunkenly spewing was so awkward and embarrassing bc I could tell all the other women in line were like who tf is this bitch and why is she saying all this weird stuff and like, does she even know you?? Lol. Just a very odd interaction which again, I kind of wrote off, but the unsettling feeling kind of just kept growing after that point.
Then, the time that I REALLY knew something was up came up about a month later, but there are still some key details of this story that are missing. Perhaps I will discuss them later.
SO. About a month later, she invited me last minute to this concert of sorts. When I got there, I was super excited to be there, the vibes were amazing and we were having so much fun. But she had definitely had a lot, A LOT to drink. I didn’t mind at first, because everyone there seemed severely under the influence, but she would just start randomly kind of lashing out at people in the crowd and she thought it was funny? She first loudly and audibly started making fun of some guys shoes in front of us, and was trying to laugh with me as if I would join in, but when his girl friend turned around and shot her a dirty look, she had the nerve to be self conscious and mad about it. She would loudly poke fun at other people in the crowd too, but not in a ha-ha way, just in a straight up mean and asshole way and I could not understand why she would even do that or why she thought that was funny.
Again, I kind of just awkwardly laughed and brushed it off. But when all was said and done and the concert was closing, she enthusiastically invited me back to go to her house and soak in her hot tub. I kept saying are you sure?? But she was like please, PLEASE come, we have weed, we’ll smoke you out and other things and I wanted to continue the vibes because it sounded fun. And then….. completely downhill.
I had arrived back at their place before she did, but as soon as I saw them go in I knocked. When I walked in, she was pale faced up on the floor, non verbal, pretty much motionless, and staring at the ceiling. I was like oh no… it seemed like she got a bit too much to drink. I waited patiently there for a few mins, unsure of what to do as I had just drove for 45 mins and I was still 25 mins in the opposite direction away from home.
I kind of just sat around, and hoped that she would sober up. I asked if she was drunk… she said no. She ran to her bathroom multiple times while her husband (a complete socially awkward case himself) tried to take care of her while she threw up. I asked her if she puked and she also said no. So I didn’t really know what to do. I was trying to offer support/ empathy but she just kept denying any claims of anything being amiss. Her husband left to pick up a pizza and I probably just should’ve left but I’m telling you I had no idea how to exit their house without making it weird or awkward. And I also was hungry. So I just stayed… and waited for the pizza.
What happened in those 20-30 mins, I don’t even know if I can fully explain. She just became… so FUCKING WEIRD. she clearly was embarrassed that I was seeing her drunk, and I think was trying to over compensate. But she just turned into an absolute freak show and I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life.
She started hoola hooping in my face, and making these weird gremlin faces and noises at me, fell to the floor, rolled round on the floor while continuing to make the noises, convulsed on the floor, but tried to do it in a funny way, tried to make an interpretive dance for me… I’ve truly never experienced something so uncomfortable in my life. I probably do sound like an asshole, but I swear you would just have to be there to see how a) gross and b) weird and actually scary it was. I was genuinely frightened.
I’ve never seen anyone act like that and I didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable or weird by showing her how clearly uncomfortable I actually was. so I just sat there and tried to laugh. But it probably came off as more of a grimace. And for the record, this woman is 33. I am 26. It was just. Obscene.
And she’s tried to act like and say multiple times that she’s like my “big sister”. Now I’ve seen a lot of drunk behavior, but not this. I wolfed down my pizza, and so did she, and she started to get even more philosophical and weird on me, showing me songs and art which were quite frankly some of the worst things I’ve ever heard in my life, and I left as soon as I could.
I was so shaken and disturbed coming away from this, because like I said earlier, I thought she was a cool girl, but honestly her behavior and lack of control over herself completely terrified me. And it’s not like she was drinking liquor, it was just damn IPAs. And I just did not know what to do.
Some details I will try to add to this story, even though I know it’s monolithic at this point , is that 2 months prior to this she had gotten fired from the studio she worked at.
She had a mental breakdown during class because the manager was being mean to her, and he fired her on the spot. I remember being so angry with the owner, (honestly he IS a piece of shit human being) but I thought he was being sexist by calling her mentally unstable and I thought the way he handled things was unfair.
I went so far as to boycott the studio and completely remove myself from it in support of her and followed her to her new one. After the drunk #2 incident, I didn’t hang out with her very much, and only saw her during her class as I was locked into a certain number of classes I had paid for.
I remember her telling me that she had just started at ANOTHER studio, and got fired 3 days after on her birthday and she was talking about how unfair it was and how much of an asshole that new girl was for firing her… and I believed her. AGAIN.
I went so far as to block that girl on Instagram too, but deep down I kind of knew that she had probably just been fired bc let’s face it… as I was starting to discover, she WAS a lot. and the studio was in an upper class area , catered towards more upper echelon people, and I just don’t think she was fitting that image. I lent her an empathetic ear, because that’s all I would want in that situation.
But where she fucked up was sending me screenshot proof of the text exchange between her and that girl, thinking I would take her side, and later sending me screenshots of another conversation she had with the OTHER manager. She told me that this new girl fired her for bringing her husband to class. In my mind I was like, oh no, is she racist!?! Because her husband was black. But no, that’s not what I read at all.
It was the most reasonable, level headed response to someone ever, and laid out multiple offenses and reasons she didn’t want her at the studio. The reasons were honestly so embarrassing that I don’t know why she would send it to me and think I would side with her. She recently also sent me messages with the other boss and the last thing he says to her is “I hope you get help for your mental illness because whatever you have is serious and will impact all your relationships and business and things that you do”. And honestly I can now say in retrospect that those were the truest words ever spoken.
When I read these texts, I had a look back at my whole relationship with and how she would always paint everyone else to be the villain and how everyone is so mean to HER… and the whole time the common denominator was her. It was always her. And it made me rethink everything.
I’ve even had extensive conversations with some of the other people on her trip that were talking shit and couldn’t stand her and they all told me the same things. How it seemed like she was the coolest person ever and had her shit together and seemed like she was going places… but deep down she was just an absolute mess and pushed everyone away from her. And I no longer felt like I was going crazy.
But like I said, she formed a really close bond with me (I think from her perspective) and said she felt like my big sister and family, and shared all these stories about her feeling isolated and shut out by people, but now here I am, doing the exact same thing to her. Icing her out of my life. And I just wanna ask you guys…
Am the asshole?

Am I wrong for soft ghosting one of my “friends”?
Wow, this one might me a long one.
So I moved to (undisclosed location) sometime in the beginning of last year. When I moved here I really had no friends but became heavily involved in this yoga studio I went to and slowly but surely started to make friends/acquaintances with the teacher that instructed me.
From afar she seemed super cool and I became pretty enthralled with her and her life. I would look forward so heavily to going to her classes every week and was quite intrigued by her. I thought she was funny, bubbly, spunky, cool, and always made jokes during class that made me laugh. As months went by I found myself wanting to get closer and closer to her, and she even invited me out one time to one of her “events” she was hosting. Here’s the thing;
It seemed like we had a lot in common and was just generally craving camaraderie and connection. I felt a sense of belonging with her and wanted to expand that energy in my life, and wanted to do anything I could to get closer to her for those reasons. But I guess this is where we have the first red flag;
One day after class, she extended an invitation to me to a meet up of sorts, (I’m being sparing with details just out of fear she might read this) and when she invited me it seemed like it was gonna be this big thing with lots of people invited, and just in general in talking to her it seemed as if she was very well connected and respected within her community, had lots of friends and connects, and I thought this was gonna be a huge thing that I was even lucky to be invited to. I was super stoked and exited about it.
However when the day of the event came, I was super tired and slow to getting up that morning. I figured I would just make my way over whenever I could since it seemed causal and like you could drop in whenever. I also figured there would be more than enough people that no one would really even notice my arrival or departure. (Plus, sometimes it’s chic to be fashionably late ;) ). Well…. I was most definitely wrong.
When I showed up I heard someone excitedly shout my name, which was her, and she waved me down to the “meet up”…. There was literally only one person there and it had been going on for 2+ hours. I was definitely a bit unnerved, but also didn’t want to be rude, and like I said I was just kind of happy to be there and be getting invited to things. But it was kinda like, damn…. Are these all the friends you have?
I had dressed up and looked cute but they were just kind of wearing whatever and I felt awkward and overdressed and also embarrassed now that I was even this late because it was clearly much more intimate than I expected and my arrival/absence was DEFINITELY felt. We had chatted a bit and that was cool but then I remember her confessing me that she had cried to her husband earlier that morning that she was scared nobody was going to show up and how thrilled she was that not only one, but TWO people had showed up and that it felt like she had friends. I wasn’t really sure what to say or make of that.
She also…. The whole time (and mind you, this is our first legitimate interaction out of yoga class) just kind of kept talking maniacally AT me, not to me, and was coming off almost even manic, and she had formed a white crust of spit around her mouth probably from talking so much that I couldn’t look away from. To say the least, I was a bit disturbed coming away from this interaction but I just kept telling myself that I was being too judgmental of her and to give it a chance and that maybe she was just hyper that day and that I had probably had unintentional embarrassing hygiene moments as well. So I keep going to class and that’s that.
There were several other red flag moments between this first interaction and the next one, mostly just her incredibly cringey social media presence that I genuinely almost couldn’t stand to see without feeling like I was withering away inside, but maybe I’ll save that for later. It’s almost like I couldn’t just see that the person I thought was so cool in class and the person I was seeing her be online and outside of class were the same people. But I digress.
She had actually ended up inviting me to go with her on one of her international yoga retreats, and I was actually very excited about this. I had very little time with her in between classes, and my attraction (but also repulsion) with her was growing stronger and I wanted to figure her out and see what she was really about and what the pull I was feeling towards her was about. Plus, I love travelling and just thought it would be fun.
I had a pretty good time, but we didn’t get to talk much, HOWEVER, I do remember this distinct point during the trip where it was myself, 2-3 other fiends I had made, her brother, and her “best friend” who had happened to be her brother’s Gf in a room together, talking. the brother, the best friend, and the other friend I made just all completely started talking shit about her and I was so confused.
I felt super hurt by this actually, bc I felt like I had a inexplicable bond with the teacher who had invited me, she was the reason we were all there in that beautiful place, and I just couldn’t understand why they were choosing to be so negative about someone I thought they had claimed (at least by title) to love. They would say things like “I can’t fucking stand your sister” (one of the friends I made to the brother) and everyone would just sigh and put their hands in their head and be like “I know…. I know. It’s a lot. She’s a lot”. And I didn’t have anything to add to the conversation because I was just so confused and I knew the girl would just be so upset if she heard them saying this. Anyway… that confusion stuck with me for a while after.
Fast forward maybe a month or two, I started hanging out with her more regularly myself outside of class. I would say this is when we became more “friends”. She would invite me to other teachers classes and we would talk a lot about our lives.
I learned how she felt about her close friend and family connections, and how she often felt hurt and betrayed by people close to her and how some of her friends were actually really shady. I just got a general sense of her feeling scapegoated and libeled against by ppl that got close to her and how she had walls up for that reason.
She also shared to me that most of her family was cut off, with the exception of her brother who she had recently rekindled a connection with, hence why he was on that trip. I felt very bad for her and wanted to be a source of comfort and support, and she would often comment on how she felt a sense of camaraderie with me since I also (LITERALLY) had no family and how we have to make our chosen family. This was a sweet sentiment, for sure, but I was still sussing out how I felt about her.
So one day, a mutual friend that had been on the trip with us was having a birthday party and I guess that she was invited to it, too. She sat down next to me and I was SUPER excited to see her as I was craving her energy and hadn’t seen her in some time. But then… idk. She had had a lot to drink. I’m fully aware that she’s kind of a quirky individual, and has a way of socializing which I can sometimes find a bit uncomfortable or even intense, (like the first meetup I spoke of) but this time it was even more and seemed to be heightened by the drinking.
Her husband was sitting on her other side and kept trying to interject and insinuate that maybe she was doing a bit much, but I think she was drunk enough to the point that she just found it funny and had no awareness of how she was coming off. There’s not even a way I can describe it really, but she just seemed a bit obsessive over me and kept making jokes that were literally not funny and seemed to have lost all ability to read the room. I also had noticed that she had only had TWO beers and was acting like this already which I found… really strange.
So at some point she goes to the bathroom, and I also get in line for the bathroom about 5 mins later. When I get up to the bathroom, she’s still in there, and there’s a line of about 2 or 3 people ahead of me. When she exits the bathroom she immediately spots me and rushes up to me and just starts… drunkenly spewing.
I can’t even remember what she was saying, but we were in a pretty high class establishment and I remember her gushing over me and was saying “I just want to let you know that I don’t really have friends or let people close to me in my circle but I just want to let you know that YOU are officially in my circle and you have earned friend status to me and I’ve let you in my circle…” or something like that. And I just kept thinking, who tf even says that??? I’m pretty sure the last time I checked that friendship is a two way street and it’s not just a title we bestow onto some “lucky” person and that’s that. Like girl… let ME decide if I want to be friends too first.
It was partially that, and also the way she was drunkenly spewing was so awkward and embarrassing bc I could tell all the other women in line were like who tf is this bitch and why is she saying all this weird stuff and like, does she even know you?? Lol. Just a very odd interaction which again, I kind of wrote off, but the unsettling feeling kind of just kept growing after that point.
Then, the time that I REALLY knew something was up came up about a month later, but there are still some key details of this story that are missing. Perhaps I will discuss them later.
SO. About a month later, she invited me last minute to this concert of sorts. When I got there, I was super excited to be there, the vibes were amazing and we were having so much fun. But she had definitely had a lot, A LOT to drink. I didn’t mind at first, because everyone there seemed severely under the influence, but she would just start randomly kind of lashing out at people in the crowd and she thought it was funny? She first loudly and audibly started making fun of some guys shoes in front of us, and was trying to laugh with me as if I would join in, but when his girl friend turned around and shot her a dirty look, she had the nerve to be self conscious and mad about it. She would loudly poke fun at other people in the crowd too, but not in a ha-ha way, just in a straight up mean and asshole way and I could not understand why she would even do that or why she thought that was funny.
Again, I kind of just awkwardly laughed and brushed it off. But when all was said and done and the concert was closing, she enthusiastically invited me back to go to her house and soak in her hot tub. I kept saying are you sure?? But she was like please, PLEASE come, we have weed, we’ll smoke you out and other things and I wanted to continue the vibes because it sounded fun. And then….. completely downhill.
I had arrived back at their place before she did, but as soon as I saw them go in I knocked. When I walked in, she was pale faced up on the floor, non verbal, pretty much motionless, and staring at the ceiling. I was like oh no… it seemed like she got a bit too much to drink. I waited patiently there for a few mins, unsure of what to do as I had just drove for 45 mins and I was still 25 mins in the opposite direction away from home.
I kind of just sat around, and hoped that she would sober up. I asked if she was drunk… she said no. She ran to her bathroom multiple times while her husband (a complete socially awkward case himself) tried to take care of her while she threw up. I asked her if she puked and she also said no. So I didn’t really know what to do. I was trying to offer support/ empathy but she just kept denying any claims of anything being amiss. Her husband left to pick up a pizza and I probably just should’ve left but I’m telling you I had no idea how to exit their house without making it weird or awkward. And I also was hungry. So I just stayed… and waited for the pizza.
What happened in those 20-30 mins, I don’t even know if I can fully explain. She just became… so FUCKING WEIRD. she clearly was embarrassed that I was seeing her drunk, and I think was trying to over compensate. But she just turned into an absolute freak show and I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life.
She started hoola hooping in my face, and making these weird gremlin faces and noises at me, fell to the floor, rolled round on the floor while continuing to make the noises, convulsed on the floor, but tried to do it in a funny way, tried to make an interpretive dance for me… I’ve truly never experienced something so uncomfortable in my life. I probably do sound like an asshole, but I swear you would just have to be there to see how a) gross and b) weird and actually scary it was. I was genuinely frightened.
I’ve never seen anyone act like that and I didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable or weird by showing her how clearly uncomfortable I actually was. so I just sat there and tried to laugh. But it probably came off as more of a grimace. And for the record, this woman is 33. I am 26. It was just. Obscene.
And she’s tried to act like and say multiple times that she’s like my “big sister”. Now I’ve seen a lot of drunk behavior, but not this. I wolfed down my pizza, and so did she, and she started to get even more philosophical and weird on me, showing me songs and art which were quite frankly some of the worst things I’ve ever heard in my life, and I left as soon as I could.
I was so shaken and disturbed coming away from this, because like I said earlier, I thought she was a cool girl, but honestly her behavior and lack of control over herself completely terrified me. And it’s not like she was drinking liquor, it was just damn IPAs. And I just did not know what to do.
Some details I will try to add to this story, even though I know it’s monolithic at this point , is that 2 months prior to this she had gotten fired from the studio she worked at.
She had a mental breakdown during class because the manager was being mean to her, and he fired her on the spot. I remember being so angry with the owner, (honestly he IS a piece of shit human being) but I thought he was being sexist by calling her mentally unstable and I thought the way he handled things was unfair.
I went so far as to boycott the studio and completely remove myself from it in support of her and followed her to her new one. After the drunk #2 incident, I didn’t hang out with her very much, and only saw her during her class as I was locked into a certain number of classes I had paid for.
I remember her telling me that she had just started at ANOTHER studio, and got fired 3 days after on her birthday and she was talking about how unfair it was and how much of an asshole that new girl was for firing her… and I believed her. AGAIN.
I went so far as to block that girl on Instagram too, but deep down I kind of knew that she had probably just been fired bc let’s face it… as I was starting to discover, she WAS a lot. and the studio was in an upper class area , catered towards more upper echelon people, and I just don’t think she was fitting that image. I lent her an empathetic ear, because that’s all I would want in that situation.
But where she fucked up was sending me screenshot proof of the text exchange between her and that girl, thinking I would take her side, and later sending me screenshots of another conversation she had with the OTHER manager. She told me that this new girl fired her for bringing her husband to class. In my mind I was like, oh no, is she racist!?! Because her husband was black. But no, that’s not what I read at all.
It was the most reasonable, level headed response to someone ever, and laid out multiple offenses and reasons she didn’t want her at the studio. The reasons were honestly so embarrassing that I don’t know why she would send it to me and think I would side with her. She recently also sent me messages with the other boss and the last thing he says to her is “I hope you get help for your mental illness because whatever you have is serious and will impact all your relationships and business and things that you do”. And honestly I can now say in retrospect that those were the truest words ever spoken.
When I read these texts, I had a look back at my whole relationship with and how she would always paint everyone else to be the villain and how everyone is so mean to HER… and the whole time the common denominator was her. It was always her. And it made me rethink everything.
I’ve even had extensive conversations with some of the other people on her trip that were talking shit and couldn’t stand her and they all told me the same things. How it seemed like she was the coolest person ever and had her shit together and seemed like she was going places… but deep down she was just an absolute mess and pushed everyone away from her. And I no longer felt like I was going crazy.
But like I said, she formed a really close bond with me (I think from her perspective) and said she felt like my big sister and family, and shared all these stories about her feeling isolated and shut out by people, but now here I am, doing the exact same thing to her. Icing her out of my life. And I just wanna ask you guys…
Am the asshole?

Im a listener of the pod and need unbiased help. Relationship background: We’ve been together 3 years and we are getting married next month, we do NOT live together as of right now but I’m moving in the next 2 weeks. I had my IUD insertion appointment booked a month in advance and told him about it when i made the appointment. It was in the morning on a weekday. Every single time i see him i talk about it and he always asks me for the time of it. I told him how I’ve heard other people’s experiences and i got really anxious because it’s supposed to be painful and uncomfortable and no pain management other than ibuprofen, although the procedure is about 10 minutes. He OFFERED to go with me after hearing me say that, i asked if he’s sure and he said yes. I was grateful because people have said it’s best to have a support person with you, and convenient to drive you back home (you can technically drive back on your own but you’ll be lightheaded and feeling cramps sooooo it helps to have a driver). Now to the root of the problem. The night before the appointment i was pretty nervous, i texted him asking how he wanted to do the appointment the following morning- like if he wanted to pick me up, if we take my car instead, what time etc. Our texts copy and pasted: Me: How do you wanna do it tomorrow? Him: Wdym? Me: My appointment? Him: You need me to go? Me: Oh… nevermind Him: I’m asking Me: Nevermind Him: I have to go into work tomorrow, some stuff happened today Me: Yeah no fine He knocked out right after so didn’t reply. This was at midnight. I didn’t have enough time to ask my mom to go with me. I was nervous already so this made me very anxious the thought of going alone. I cried the rest of the night and couldn’t sleep very well. He didn’t tell me about this before, I had to ask for him to tell me about this important change. I go to the appointment alone, there was a male med student watching with my OBGYN (which is fine but doesn’t help when i’m already uncomfortable and by myself). It was an awful experience, painful, uncomfortable, almost threw up, and it unexpectedly triggered some deep trauma that caught me off guard. At the end, I was lightheaded and my legs were shaking, I was kind of dissociated, and the minute the doctor closed the door behind her i started sobbing. I waited a few minutes there until i stopped. He then finally texts me saying “What time is your appointment?” and i tell him it just finished. He says “I didn’t know it was this early”. I check his location, and he’s at home! (He works hybrid, usually from home 2 days of the week, sometimes splits his day in office and at home.) He asks me how it went, i tell him he doesn’t get to care about it now when he could’ve gone. He says he was in a zoom meeting and he thought the appointment was in the afternoon so that’s why he said he couldn’t go because he had meetings in person later? He didn’t even ask me what time the appointment was before saying he couldn’t go. He still hadn’t apologized. He asks if i was on anesthesia and if they gave me a drug where i couldn’t drive back after. NO but does that justify you not going with me?? And if they did, then what? i’m on my own regardless. 2 days later he asks if i forgive him, i said no because HE HADNT EVEN APOLOGIZED YET. 2 days to apologize and he tells me “Im trying to fix it”. How? No apology and no visit? Can’t change what happened, but you don’t try to make up for it? The appointment was Wednesday, his apology Friday (through text) “I made a mistake. I forgot sorry!”, I didn’t see him until Sunday and that’s because i asked him to help move some of my boxes to our house. He stayed for an hour, meanwhile i told him how the appointment went, how it was awful and i cried. He was busy that day with yard work and he helps his single mom around her house too. I understood and didn’t want to stress him out by asking to stay longer, i was starting to get over the situation. He leaves and then texts me 20 min later “My friend invited me to watch the game at his house so i’m going right now”. That upset me. He doesn’t understand why THAT upset me. That was 2 days ago, and he still doesn’t get it and now he’s mad at ME for “holding on to a mistake”. His side: “I did what i had to do with you, now i’m going to chill with my friend. i did nothing wrong, i thought we were over the appointment already and you’re still holding on”. So tell me, honestly, am I being crazy for “holding on to a grudge”? I have a lot of emotions because of other life things going on, plus dealing with the trauma from the procedure, cramps, new hormones, and then this. Idk if my judgement is wrong, genuinely. I want to treat him fairly, but i need that reciprocated. How can i help him understand where im coming from? And why im so hurt? Do i have reason to be upset that he went to hangout with his friend?

My bf (20) and I (21) have been together for only six months, but we’ve known each other since childhood and been friends ever since. We are long distance and go see each other every few months.
I just graduated college and work 3 jobs to support myself, and have a strong vision of what I want in life.
He doesn’t have a job because he got fired over a month ago for not showing up. He is hanging with the wrong crowd right now: smokes everyday and doesn’t know what he wants to do in the future.
I have tried calling him to let him know what has been hurting me in this relationship: he makes empty promises and never follows through (like saying he’ll mail me stuff and never has) only calling or texting me once a day (when we are long distance and I have told him multiple times I need more than that) and getting defensive when I try to recommend him resources to help him (therapy or I suggest helping him look for colleges or jobs)
I’ve tried to break up with him twice now and each time it has been the same. I cry and tell him about everything he’s doing to hurt me and he cries and tells me he loves me. Of course I love him too and want the best for him. But I always end up agreeing to let him fix things (which works for a week and then stops) and forgiving him.
Even worse, I fly to see him in two weeks and meet his entire family. He paid for most of the trip and told me he’d be upset if he wasted that money on flying me out and I broke up with him, which is rightful. Idk what to do!
TLDR; Long distance boyfriend and I have different lives and love each other very much: yet aren’t on the same page. Flying to see him soon and can’t manage to break up with him

Characters in this story (me 17) (Sydney 16)
So about a month ago me and this girl we will call Sydnee started dating, I met her at a get together at a friends house, she was a nice person when we started dating. This was my first relationship so i didn’t see any red flags, so a week into our relationship she started asking me to grind against her and stuff, I told her I don’t feel comfortable doing that and that I would rather just have intimacy in the future and not a week into us dating, she yelled at me at called me intimacy driven because I told her no. Later that night she called me. Crying that she was roped, I stated to freak out and I Told her to tell me what happened, she said her parents weren’t home and she invited one of her boy friends over to hangout, and one thing led to another but apparently this boy only figured her, I told her to report him and stuff but she didn’t, so 3 weeks pass and she asks me to grind against her again, I told her I want to wait and plus I would rather have real intimacy then just grinding, she got all mad at me and stopped talking to me for a week, the following Monday she asked if I could do it again and I finally gave in from pressure and did what she wanted, she was happy and was climbing on top of me for the next week. After while I started working more and didn’t give her as much attention i used to. She called me 3 days ago calling me intimacy driven because her online friends say so. She said everytime we hangout we have intimacy and I told her we haven’t even had intimacy but she didn’t listen, and I told her if she’s going to keep telling these people about our personal relationship then I don’t want to date her so I told her we’re over. She begged for me to take her back but I was a fool taking her back, not 10 min later she calls me saying we need to take a break and that she thinks I’m dating her for her body. I told her why I’m in a relationship and she didn’t like my answer, so we broke up, she proceeded to text every single one of my friends why we broke up, she had told them that I would force my self onto her and grind against her and that I was breaking her boundaries at this point I had a enough and screamed at her that she’s a horrible person for telling all my friends that I had roped her when I never did, but I’m glad non of my friends believed her because they have known me for the last 12 years, then last night she called me saying she has a new boyfriend and saying she’s having panic attacks because she thought she losts a friend, I told her she lost her friend when she texted my friends all those things, she has been texting and calling me saying she still loves me but I’ve been ignoring her. Am I the Asshole?

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice. I (29M-Gay) think my friend (30F) might be manipulating me, but I'm not sure. Please hear me out.
We've been friends for 7 years, since I started my Master's degree. My friend is very self-centered and doesn't listen to others' opinions. I thought I could handle it because I used to be like her 5-6 years ago when I was in a toxic relationship and had a lot of personal issues. But now, I've grown, ended that relationship, and have been in a healthier relationship for 4 years. Things are much better for me.
However, my friend hasn't changed. She has a history of being manipulated by her ex-boyfriends, and she hasn't been able to move on for a decade. I feel like she's now manipulating me. Here are some examples:

• She always asks me to go out for dinner or meet up, but I always have to drive 20 km to her place because she can’t drive.
• When I decline because I’m exhausted from work and driving, she gets upset and says this will be the last time she invites me because I’ve rejected her many times.
• She has an eating disorder and weighs around 110 kg. - completely understand that she's not confident about her body.. She gets mad at me if I take photos (not directly of her, but of food or our dinner) that include any part of her body.
• She constantly compares me to another friend, saying I'm the only one who replies to all her texts (every single message), unlike her other friend who only replies to the last message. She takes this as a sign that her other friend doesn’t care about her.
• She sends me a lot of texts, sometimes more than 100 messages at once, detailing her day.
• Besides WhatsApp, she tags me on Facebook, and DMs me on Instagram and Twitter, sharing posts with her negative thoughts and expecting me to respond to everything.
• When she talks about her life, mostly disappointments, she expects me to support and agree with her.
• As I’ve grown and changed my environment, I feel I’m not into the negative things we used to share. Sometimes I disagree with her, and she responds with, "I knew you would say this, I bet!"

Does anyone have a friendship like this? How do you cope with it?
Also, could it be that the problem is with me? Do I need to change something? I'm not sure if I'm the one being toxic and manipulative?

I am a 33 year-old male. I met a 25 year-old female first-timer at a dive bar I am unfortunatetly a regular at (haha) a week earlier, and at some point in our text conversation she told me to stop being coy and be "straight up with her" about what I wanted [from her]. I told her I would "love it if she were naked in my bed." She told me that she would be at my place in an hour, and she came by. I was surprised at how quickly things escalated. She was pretty aggressive about meeting up, and I have trouble being forward with (and generally getting with) women so her approach was honestly very refreshing, albeit a little jarring and sudden.
I was a little nervous when she arrived, but I made her and myself a cocktail and we got comfortable with one another. We actually spent a good few hours talking with one another and getting to know each other, exchanging stories and viewpoints, etc., probably more for my comfort than hers honestly, but long story short, we were eventually naked together in my bed.
Things were going well - we made out and exchanged favors... Things naturally progressed and I was on top of her, and asked her if I could be inside her. The following verbatim exchange took place:
Her: "Do you have a condom..?"
Me: "No, I don't... I'm sorry..!"
Her: "I have one in my purse..?"
Me: "Is that really necessary?"
Her: "Oh my God, that's disgusting! Are you really one of those guys?! Are you serious?! [searches my face] You are serious! That's disgusting! Ew! Do you really want to have a baby with me?! Do you really want to have a baby with me right now?!" (sarcastically)
Me: [pretty shell-shocked by the disgusted, sarcastic response] "Well... no, I don't want to have a baby with you, no... I was planning to pull out...--"
Her: "--That doesn't work..!"
Me: "...well, I mean, I've been in probably 4-5 years worth of relationships with regular sex and no other form of birth control, and I've never had a pregnancy scare using only the pull-out method, so--"
Her: "--Do you really expect me to believe anything you're saying to me right now? I just can't believe you're pressuring me right now!"
At that point, I really didn't want to continue for a few reasons, but I honestly felt... pressured, I guess, ironically, to do so. Like, I guess I thought it would be rude not to have sex with her -- which in retrospect I think is bananas, haha. So I went and retrieved the condom from her purse, she put it on me, and we had sex. I was not able to cum or really feel anything with the condom, it honestly just felt like intimate manual labor. We proceeded. After a while, I think she realized I wasn't really into it and took the condom off and tried to get me off in other ways, but it didn't happen. I told her it was all good and I was going to sleep and she spent the night. She left early the next morning to get to work on time.
After she left, I processed the night before and came to the conclusion that I didn't really like the way that she spoke to me about the condom issue and I probably should have just asked her to leave at that time -- not because of our difference in condom preferences, but just because the vibe was really off and I felt disrespected. Of course, everyone has their own risk tolerance and I will be the first to admit that not wearing a condom is probably not the most prudent manner to go about having sex, especially a one-night stand. While I'm not ecstatic about someone expressing disgust to me about my personal preference, even that was not really what upset me.
What really upset me were the comments, and attitude encapsulated by the comments, "Do you really expect me to believe anything you're saying to me right now? I just can't believe you're pressuring me right now!" I mean, first of all, I wasn't pressuring anybody with my statements, in my opinion. My tone was really tentative, even. Not at all aggressive or domineering. But most importantly to me -- yeah, I do kind of expect you to believe what I am saying to you. Why wouldn't you? I get the feeling that the implication is that in that moment, I am a man trying to be inside a woman, and I will do or say anything to achieve my aim. Which is not my modus operandi whatsoever, and I feel like while we only met once before, I thought we had spent enough time together for her to know that I was not, I guess, a sleezy scumbag.
I broke it off with her the next day. When I told friends what happened in just the way I've just described here, everyone told me that I was the asshole in this situation. They said that I was in fact pressuring her for even bringing up my preference of not wanting to wear a condom, and for even responding to her concern that I would impregnate her. They told me that I did not have a say at that point, that I can't understand what she must have been going through as a woman in a strange place, that I lacked empathy regarding how vulnerable she must have felt or what she may have gone through with other guys before. My response is -- I have valid feelings as well in this scenario, don't I? I am allowed to have and to share my preferences with my partner in the bedroom as well, aren't I? It is just as wrong to pressure me to proceed with sex, on a personal and on an apparently societal level, isn't it? I can understand having empathy for others, but was it not her response that lacked empathy? I don't think I said anything particularly out of pocket, here.
Reddit, without lecturing me on the dangers of unprotected sex of which I am fully aware and can navigate on my own -- am I the asshole for how I treated this girl and/or handled this situation? Thank you for taking the time.

I don't even know what I should do now
I (19M) am in a relationship with my gf (18F) for almost a year now
AND THIS HAS BEEN THE CONSTANT DOWNHILL IN MY LIFE. This is going to be somewhat lengthy, so whoever stay till the end..Thanks. I need to get some things off my chest .
I met her during a trip , i really wasn't ready to go into another relationship as I had come out from a 2.5 years one recently.. but my best friend (and only friend), said that she seemed like a good woman and told me to give it a chance. We regretted that very quickly.
Seems like she also had a past , She had too come out of a relationship recently. Which was fine by me. But then she had unusually large number of male friends, I'm not going into detail but i understood she CRAVES male attention 24*7 ..
She's the most immature girl I've ever met, she unknowingly (or knowingly) said things to me that gave me several insecurities . Body dysmorphia. Some examples: "My friends You're so fat no one will ever wanna mate with you lol* I was never fat i Was 61 kgs at 5"5. But then I joined gym and I have a pretty decent physique now , but she still passes negative comments at my body (I don't know she does this willingly or cuz she's just not mature) She used to sent me ss of boys flirting with me , and one boy in particular went overboard one time and there was a huge conflict w me and that boy.. After some days she AGAIN sends me ss of that boy sending flirty texts to her and she's entertaining (she was doing her hw) I was genuinely surprised and asked her "You didn't block him yet!?" She said "no I like the flirts" LOL IMAGINE.
AT THIS POINT I'M FUCKED UP WITH MY LIFE. I feel like everyone else is better than me , she made me feel so. I was never THIS MUCH insecure, i am having a severe inferiority complex , I have -ve confidence..(confidence has always been one of my key strengths and now it's gone completely). I'm mostly depressed and spend my time thinking about ending this all . I'm mentally at my lowest. I've tried coming out of this relationship but for some reason I just can't , I have never had such difficulty to come out of a relationship.. I don't know how I got attached.. it's like I'm holding onto a knife, it's making me bleed I still won't let go .. I'm having a mental breakdown rn just from remembering all those things.. my day is ruined again ..it has been like this for several weeks now .
PS: I've still left out many details (i don't wanna recollect those+ this post would get Way too lengthy) I can't end this rn, or I'll be finished.. I don't know what to do anymore.
I just want to talk to someone more experienced or mature as I have no one to talk to
Where should I go from here?
I WANT TO GET BETTER, FOR MYSELF

I work as a graphic designer and marketing director with a small independent concert promoter. I'm always dealing with the band's artwork and localizing it for the venue. 99.9% of the time most venues and small promoters ONLY have Photoshop to work with and are not designers on the other end. They're tasked with opening up the file and editing the text to fit their show date, venue, city, etc.
I know in school for me at least, I was always told "Don't use Photoshop for everything! Only use it to edit photos!". That is absolutely not the case for this industry though, and functionally I think things have evolved to where we are today. It just makes it easier for those who aren't designers to have a standard program they must learn rather than the triple threat of Photoshop, Illustrator, AND InDesign.
Obviously, this isn't the case for all industries, but this is just my two cents from the other end. Also if you're thinking "well then they should just hire a real designer to do their design work", it's just hard to justify an added salary especially when a lot of smaller businesses are only 1-2 person operations and are barely breaking even. Live Nation on the other hand... they can hire an army so yeah send them all the wacky files with missing fonts you want :)

Hi! I (F, 25) just got married 6 months ago and this is STILL bothering me.. So here I am. I have been friends with this girl (we'll name her O, F, 26) since I was 10 years old with a break from ages 15 to 21 ( I moved) . We reconnected just before my 22nd birthday, which is around the time I met my husband. She had also JUST started dating her now fiance. We are two of five in a group of girls all from the same middle school and reconnected at the same time our partners into the mix. Honestly, before I got engaged there's not much of a story. I found it odd that she got a very similar dog to mine and named it something similar, almost a year to the day that I got mine, but that's like, whatever. She did a couple other little copycat things but, imitation is a form of flattery right? Anyway, my man and I get engaged and essentially, same day, choose our wedding date which was 9 weeks later (it was a significant date). Moments after getting engaged, I call the group and share the news, telling them we will most likely be getting married x day. Now, I understand it's short notice, but they're my lifelong friends and I knew, they knew they'd be bridesmaids.
O tells me she will not be able to make the wedding because she has a trip planned (is this wrong of her, because I totally understood). I make it official at my engagement party 4 weeks later and ask them to be bridesmaids, knowing O won't be present. I ask them for NOTHING. Note: they did not throw me a brunch or lunch or help with anything, nor did I expect it because it was all so quick. I told them they could wear what they want, no gifts, just be present x day, place and time. Shortly after my engagement party (wedding 4.5 weeks away) that O tells us her boyfriend has gone ring shopping. I am happy for her thinking she'll be engaged soon or SOONEST the end of her trip.
My wedding morning arrives, she sends me a congratulatory text from the airport departure lounge. My wedding day goes by. The day after my wedding goes by. I've been married now 48 hours and.. O drops "we're engaged" in the group chat. So what do I do? I call!! Of course! Because that's the least you can do when one of your closest 5 friends has a big life event. The facetime call was awkward at best, she never acknowledged my wedding even though I was still in my all white sweatsuit. She didn't seem to care that I called and her fiance couldn't be bothered, but I could have been interrupting I guess. (Note: she had the ability to call me and join the girls from wherever she was, but chose not to)
They return for their trip and I begin planning to host one of the other 5 girls' birthday party. She, of course, comes to my house for the party. This is the first time we see eachother since I'm a wife and she, a fiancée. At the time, I lived in a high rise building so I had to go down to get her. First words to her "congratulations!!!" It was not returned. Not to me or my husband all. Night. She talked about her wedding ideas and plans with my husband for no less than 30 minutes while the rest of the girls got ready. The other ladies noticed but she just didn't seem to read the room at all. I even tried by giving her a white scrunchie I got during wedding planning as a little pass along, bridal thing... In an effort to initiate some kind of conversation.
After that night, I really realize that this may have been intentional. I mean of course I thought it, but now I was really skeptical. I asked another girl in the group and according to O, her fiance only purchased the ring 3 weeks before their trip. Which means he knew he was going to do it. That's fine, but it would have been so much nicer to have felt included and not like it was done to overshadow me. He could have called and said "hey I'm gonna do this, I know shes your lifelong bestie and she won't be in your wedding photos, but it's for good reason 🥹" I would have been soo down and happy. This leads me to believe that she doesn't really speak highly of me to her man or make our friendship seem as important as I considered it to be... She was a bridesmaid at my mini wedding (25 guests at the ceremony).
We live about 45 minutes apart and have very busy lifestyles so I haven't seen her much since. I've been distant I. The group chat but I'm not sure she's even aware there's an issue, dispute me not being able to give her a difinitive answer on weather or not I want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
It's been 6 months since my wedding & her engagement and her engagement party is coming up (My cousin asked me to plan her birthday party, which falls on the same day as her engagement party, so honestly I'm not pressed about going at all)
I still feel icky about everything and honestly am not sure if I care to work it out. On the most important day of my life (imo), she showed how much she cared to make me feel loved. I haven't done anything bridal for her beyond the scrunchie.
AMITA and/or am I overreacting?
Should I be her bridesmaid? Pls I need help..
Notes:
•her wedding is in 2025 •her & her man have been together as long as me & my husband •me f25, my husband m26, her f26, her man m29

Hi! I (F, 25) just got married 6 months ago and this is STILL bothering me.. So here I am. I have been friends with this girl (we'll name her O, F, 26) since I was 10 years old with a break from ages 15 to 21 ( I moved) . We reconnected just before my 22nd birthday, which is around the time I met my husband. She had also JUST started dating her now fiance. We are two of five in a group of girls all from the same middle school and reconnected at the same time our partners into the mix. Honestly, before I got engaged there's not much of a story. I found it odd that she got a very similar dog to mine and named it something similar, almost a year to the day that I got mine, but that's like, whatever. She did a couple other little copycat things but, imitation is a form of flattery right? Anyway, my man and I get engaged and essentially, same day, choose our wedding date which was 9 weeks later (it was a significant date). Moments after getting engaged, I call the group and share the news, telling them we will most likely be getting married x day. Now, I understand it's short notice, but they're my lifelong friends and I knew, they knew they'd be bridesmaids.
O tells me she will not be able to make the wedding because she has a trip planned (is this wrong of her, because I totally understood). I make it official at my engagement party 4 weeks later and ask them to be bridesmaids, knowing O won't be present. I ask them for NOTHING. Note: they did not throw me a brunch or lunch or help with anything, nor did I expect it because it was all so quick. I told them they could wear what they want, no gifts, just be present x day, place and time. Shortly after my engagement party (wedding 4.5 weeks away) that O tells us her boyfriend has gone ring shopping. I am happy for her thinking she'll be engaged soon or SOONEST the end of her trip.
My wedding morning arrives, she sends me a congratulatory text from the airport departure lounge. My wedding day goes by. The day after my wedding goes by. I've been married now 48 hours and.. O drops "we're engaged" in the group chat. So what do I do? I call!! Of course! Because that's the least you can do when one of your closest 5 friends has a big life event. The facetime call was awkward at best, she never acknowledged my wedding even though I was still in my all white sweatsuit. She didn't seem to care that I called and her fiance couldn't be bothered, but I could have been interrupting I guess. (Note: she had the ability to call me and join the girls from wherever she was, but chose not to)
They return for their trip and I begin planning to host one of the other 5 girls' birthday party. She, of course, comes to my house for the party. This is the first time we see eachother since I'm a wife and she, a fiancée. At the time, I lived in a high rise building so I had to go down to get her. First words to her "congratulations!!!" It was not returned. Not to me or my husband all. Night. She talked about her wedding ideas and plans with my husband for no less than 30 minutes while the rest of the girls got ready. The other ladies noticed but she just didn't seem to read the room at all. I even tried by giving her a white scrunchie I got during wedding planning as a little pass along, bridal thing... In an effort to initiate some kind of conversation.
After that night, I really realize that this may have been intentional. I mean of course I thought it, but now I was really skeptical. I asked another girl in the group and according to O, her fiance only purchased the ring 3 weeks before their trip. Which means he knew he was going to do it. That's fine, but it would have been so much nicer to have felt included and not like it was done to overshadow me. He could have called and said "hey I'm gonna do this, I know shes your lifelong bestie and she won't be in your wedding photos, but it's for good reason 🥹" I would have been soo down and happy. This leads me to believe that she doesn't really speak highly of me to her man or make our friendship seem as important as I considered it to be... She was a bridesmaid at my mini wedding (25 guests at the ceremony).
We live about 45 minutes apart and have very busy lifestyles so I haven't seen her much since. I've been distant I. The group chat but I'm not sure she's even aware there's an issue, dispute me not being able to give her a difinitive answer on weather or not I want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
It's been 6 months since my wedding & her engagement and her engagement party is coming up (My cousin asked me to plan her birthday party, which falls on the same day as her engagement party, so honestly I'm not pressed about going at all)
I still feel icky about everything and honestly am not sure if I care to work it out. On the most important day of my life (imo), she showed how much she cared to make me feel loved. I haven't done anything bridal for her beyond the scrunchie.
AMITA and/or am I overreacting?
Should I be her bridesmaid? Pls I need help..
Notes:
•her wedding is in 2025 •her & her man have been together as long as me & my husband •me f25, my husband m26, her f26, her man m29

I (F24) just caught my significant other (M26) lying about deleting his photos with his ex-girlfriend. When we were strictly friends, we used to get along about missing memories with our exes. Remembering that, as soon as we got together, I asked for him to delete the photos he would always look back on because I didn’t want to be in a relationship with somebody who would constantly look back at his previous relationship. My boyfriend agreed and told me that it was a two-way street, and that I should be deleting the photos of my ex as well— to which I agreed and erased.
Many months later, I ask him again about if he deleted the photos and he reassures me that he did, and that he has no reason to hold onto them. Fast forward to now, I found out that he was lying to me this whole time and never did anything on his end to actually get rid of the photos. I questioned why he lied to me numerous times for as long as he did, and he would not stop saying "I don't know why I did." I explicitly told him that he must not be over her if he felt happier to lie to me just to protect his photos of his ex, and he claimed that the photos meant nothing to him and that he wants to be with me lol. Then why did he lie? "I don't know." He tries to apologize profusely and I tell him that he's quite literally only apologizing because I caught him, and that he would have never been sorry for this if I didn't call him out on it. No response.
He's claiming that he wants to make the relationship work, and that he would work on communicating and being honest and upfront. The thing is, I thought the relationship prior to this situation was fucking amazing and communicative and honest. To find out he was happily lying to me this whole time has completely rewritten my view of this relationship and I don't know what to consider as honest anymore. It was not just holding the photos of his ex— it's how he lied to me about getting rid of all of it. Something so small, he stretched out for so long. I want to work through this as he's been the most amazing partner I've been with outside of this aspect.
To those in relationships that are lasting after being lied to by your SO, how did you rebuild your trust? What did your partner do to be able to regain your trust?
TLDR; Boyfriend lied to me about deleting photos of his ex-girlfriend after we mutually agreed upon deleting photos of our exes while entering the relationship. Need help on figuring out how to regain trust.

Hi! I (F, 25) just got married 6 months ago and this is STILL bothering me.. So here I am. I have been friends with this girl (we'll name her O, F, 26) since I was 10 years old with a break from ages 15 to 21 ( I moved) . We reconnected just before my 22nd birthday, which is around the time I met my husband. She had also JUST started dating her now fiance. We are two of five in a group of girls all from the same middle school and reconnected at the same time our partners into the mix. Honestly, before I got engaged there's not much of a story. I found it odd that she got a very similar dog to mine and named it something similar, almost a year to the day that I got mine, but that's like, whatever. She did a couple other little copycat things but, imitation is a form of flattery right? Anyway, my man and I get engaged and essentially, same day, choose our wedding date which was 9 weeks later (it was a significant date). Moments after getting engaged, I call the group and share the news, telling them we will most likely be getting married x day. Now, I understand it's short notice, but they're my lifelong friends and I knew, they knew they'd be bridesmaids.
O tells me she will not be able to make the wedding because she has a trip planned (is this wrong of her, because I totally understood). I make it official at my engagement party 4 weeks later and ask them to be bridesmaids, knowing O won't be present. I ask them for NOTHING. Note: they did not throw me a brunch or lunch or help with anything, nor did I expect it because it was all so quick. I told them they could wear what they want, no gifts, just be present x day, place and time. Shortly after my engagement party (wedding 4.5 weeks away) that O tells us her boyfriend has gone ring shopping. I am happy for her thinking she'll be engaged soon or SOONEST the end of her trip.
My wedding morning arrives, she sends me a congratulatory text from the airport departure lounge. My wedding day goes by. The day after my wedding goes by. I've been married now 48 hours and.. O drops "we're engaged" in the group chat. So what do I do? I call!! Of course! Because that's the least you can do when one of your closest 5 friends has a big life event. The facetime call was awkward at best, she never acknowledged my wedding even though I was still in my all white sweatsuit. She didn't seem to care that I called and her fiance couldn't be bothered, but I could have been interrupting I guess. (Note: she had the ability to call me and join the girls from wherever she was, but chose not to)
They return for their trip and I begin planning to host one of the other 5 girls' birthday party. She, of course, comes to my house for the party. This is the first time we see eachother since I'm a wife and she, a fiancée. At the time, I lived in a high rise building so I had to go down to get her. First words to her "congratulations!!!" It was not returned. Not to me or my husband all. Night. She talked about her wedding ideas and plans with my husband for no less than 30 minutes while the rest of the girls got ready. The other ladies noticed but she just didn't seem to read the room at all. I even tried by giving her a white scrunchie I got during wedding planning as a little pass along, bridal thing... In an effort to initiate some kind of conversation.
After that night, I really realize that this may have been intentional. I mean of course I thought it, but now I was really skeptical. I asked another girl in the group and according to O, her fiance only purchased the ring 3 weeks before their trip. Which means he knew he was going to do it. That's fine, but it would have been so much nicer to have felt included and not like it was done to overshadow me. He could have called and said "hey I'm gonna do this, I know shes your lifelong bestie and she won't be in your wedding photos, but it's for good reason 🥹" I would have been soo down and happy. This leads me to believe that she doesn't really speak highly of me to her man or make our friendship seem as important as I considered it to be... She was a bridesmaid at my mini wedding (25 guests at the ceremony).
We live about 45 minutes apart and have very busy lifestyles so I haven't seen her much since. I've been distant I. The group chat but I'm not sure she's even aware there's an issue, dispute me not being able to give her a difinitive answer on weather or not I want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
It's been 6 months since my wedding & her engagement and her engagement party is coming up (My cousin asked me to plan her birthday party, which falls on the same day as her engagement party, so honestly I'm not pressed about going at all)
I still feel icky about everything and honestly am not sure if I care to work it out. On the most important day of my life (imo), she showed how much she cared to make me feel loved. I haven't done anything bridal for her beyond the scrunchie.
AMITA and/or am I overreacting?
Should I be her bridesmaid? Pls I need help..
Notes:
•her wedding is in 2025 •her & her man have been together as long as me & my husband •me f25, my husband m26, her f26, her man m29

Hiiii - where are my baddies struggling w PMDD who are also teachers??
I’m a high school math teacher and this is my first cycle without my boyfriend, who had really been a rock in dealing with my PMDD. The breakup itself isn’t necessarily a factor (it’s been 3 weeks, amicable, still friends, etc.) but not having him to talk things through, to help soothe me, etc is really hard. I’ve gotten a really good protocol down for dealing with meltdowns, spirals, and all of it. Like really solid. But suddenly I’m all alone and it’s hard.
WELL, I think I’m finding that my not having another person to go through this with has lessened my ability to control how my emotions manifest outwardly (at least for right now). For two days now, I have SNAPPED at my kids and not been able to fully restrain my anger (being short w them, being more strict about keeping phones and food away, etc. not anything remotely abusive, pls do not come for me). The anger itself is justified - hey senioritis even tho we still have a final coming up!! 🤪🤪 - but it’s the difficulty reigning things in. And then coming home and not having the person who helps calm me down. /: it’s just been hard.
All this to say - where my other teachers at? How do y’all still do your job when you’re in luteal??? What tips do you have for dealing with PMDD w such a demanding job?
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I rlly hope he somehow doesn't see this lmao this is embarrassing posting about but I just need to vent somewhere I know him or people who know him won't see.
3 days ago my boyfriend of about a year dumped me. We had dated last year as well for almost the same amount of time maybe less, and he broke up with me because he "wasn't ready for commitment" and he didn't want me to give him 100% when he couldn't. I got over it a couple months after and moved on because it was short and I could tell he was pulling away anyway.
He eventually came back after like 5 months saying he wanted to commit to me and be better.
We started dating again shortly after that, and it was even more amazing than before. He became my best friend. We have so much chemistry I can't imagine ever being like that with someone else. We're so similar in so many ways it's crazy. He wrote such sweet songs for me, he was clingy in public and never wanted to let me go when we would cuddle or sleep together. Our sexual chemistry was something I will never ever feel with anyone else. He never sexualized other women or fictional women (yes that's unfortunately a standard of mine lol.) He was respectful to my boundaries just so much he did right. His family was like a second family to me. Mine isn't and wasn't very good to me. His friends became my friends.
We were doing so fine. We had future plans to do things together. To travel. I'm tearing up just thinking about all of these plans crumbling now. Then one night suddenly I asked him if he loved me, or if he was in love with me. And if he saw a future with me. I had asked him this before and it was a bit early in the relationship, but he said he wanted to focus on school and maintaining us. I was satisfied with that answer. This time I told him it's common or normal for people to start thinking about this stuff this long in a relationship, and he said "then I guess I don't." That ended in a horrible breakup with both of us crying and me rotting in bed for 3 days straight unable to eat.
He won't even stay friends with me or answer my texts. I gave up waiting on him to answer yesterday. I just want my baby back. I know I need to give him space but my worst fear is him finding somebody else and ending up marrying them. And treating her like he treated me. Giving her what I've always wanted and finally had. Then promptly lost.
He really was one of a kind, I'll never be able to fins another man who will live up to him to me. Nor do I even want to. I want him to see me being successful and come back, but I can't even get out of bed without crying.
I feel like I did something wrong for him to not see a future with me. Granted I am his first girlfriend ever, he's never dated anyone before, so I keep excusing it because I know he's new to all of this but I just can't deal with the thought of being his first love and not ending up with him.
I was a great girlfriend to him and we loved eachother. I spoiled him rotten and let him talk to me about his needy interests that I loved so much. I miss seeing him get so excited over his shows or games he plays.
I don't know what I did wrong for him to not want a future with me.
I'm sorry this is so long. I have nobody to talk to. I've lost his family as well as him, and his friends too. I have nobody. Only my cat. And if I'm being honest, it's getting harder and harder to keep sticking around for him.

It's a long story. Please bear with me, my mind is really chaotic right now. I am in college and have a circle of female friends since the first semester. All of us went to the same major. This year will be our 4th year being a group of friends together. I cherished them a lot, they helped me a lot and one of the reasons I survived college so far.
Then came the guy. It's a little too common actually. I first got close with this guy when we're in our second year, that's on 2021. The classes were still held online due to COVID back then, so we actually never see each other in real life. He was a quiet, shy guy who didn't get noticed by others, and as the class' leader, I contacted him a lot to make sure he didn't feel leave out since the others were joking around frequently in the class' group chat. From that, he began to ask me if I already have a partner for group assigments (there were quite a lot of assigments for group of 2 people) and since my other friends know other people too, I said yes. We began to become a duo for every group assignments. He was responsible and working together with him was pretty enjoyable. We began to talk everyday about random things to each other. We even played game together. I considered him as a close friend at this point.
Then, I introduced him to one of my close friends since she also plays the game we played together. I didn't actually know the extend of their interactions, just that he helped her in game sometimes and I guess they played from time to time without me too. Then, one day in 2022, my class had a first gathering where we booked a villa and held many games and gift trades, you know the thing you did to create a bond since it's our first meeting as classmates due to the pandemic. I was very shy at the thought of seeing him in real life for the first time (he actually a good looking, he got really popular among the girls in my major after this gathering) and pretended not to see him, yet he walked up to me first and greeted me. That time was ... really magical. The villa was located in an mountain area so it was really cold and he gave me his hoodie since I got cold easily. We took a lot of photos together at that time, and it seemed everyone in our year already treated us like a "campus couple" because of that. I, of course, denied that I like him and said that we're only good friends because ... a girl like me is afraid of rejection and reading the signs wrong.
But after the gathering ended, one of my close friends (the one that I introduced to him to play game together before) suddenly announced to our female friends group that she has a crush on him. Little by little, she began to show hostility to me then there was this one point when she ignored me for two months. Even when I tried to talk to her in, she didn't give me respond. At that time, I was scared I will ruin this friendship groups. I was longing for female friendships, the thing you saw in movies, and I finally have one when I entered college so I saw them as a blessing. In high school, I either got bullied or not having friends at all since I was always coming straight home after school ended (I came from a poor family so I didn't have the money to hang out and friendship in high school requires money for me since I attended a prestigious school where almost everyone has rich parents). So, I made a decision to cut him off. I stopped talking to him. For group assignment, I grouped with other people. Little by little, the distance between the two of us widened. In the end, we didn't talk to each other anymore, and that's when my friend started to talk to me again. I didn't ruin my friendship group. My friend and him got close and by then she already "replaced" me being his group assignment's partner. I let him go, thinking that I didn't have the time and energy to date anyway since I was busy doing part-times to earn money. He came from a good family, and so does my close friend. They suited each other. I won't become a girl who abandoned her friend for a guy. Since summer of 2023, I never had a talk with him again.
I was fine, well not really. It hurt not being able to talk to him again when we used to be close, but I did this to myself. My close friend talked about him a lot in our group's chats. Apparently, she already confessed twice and got rejected. But she wanted to stay as a friend so both of them were "best friends" until now. She told us she still held feelings for him. She sent him flowers on his graduation since he graduated early than us. I didn't. Yet, he approached me and asked me to take photo together. After 1 year of no contact. On his graduation day, he asked me to take photos together, just two of us. With everyone watching.
Later, he confessed to me that he always has feelings for me. It was ... not quite a shock since I wasn't that dense, but still ... I got nauseous. Part of me wants him too, but the realistic part of me reminding me that I couldn't be that kind of girl who betrayed her close friend. I told him, I couldn't. I got a lot in my plates, I haven't graduated yet, I am not ready for relationship ... all the reasons because I couldn't bring myself to lie that I don't like him. Because I do. Very much. For years. He was everything I ever wanted in a boyfriend. He said he could wait until I graduate. He was waiting for me for the past 2 years, waiting a few months won't matter much.
What should I do? Should I confess everything to my friendship group? I want to talk to my friends about this, to hear their thoughts, but I couldn't because I always kept my feelings for him as a secret. Then, how about my friendships? My close friend who likes him will definitely got hurt ... am I just not suitable for friendships, since I wasn't honest? If you were in my position, will you choose your crush or your close friend?
(Thank you so much for taking your time to read this.)

I'll try to keep this short but I tend to yap a lot so I'm sorry if this is unnecessarily long. Regardless I [18F] have been dating my boyfriend [20M] for a solid 6 months. When we first met things went really well, we bonded on a lot of things such as similar interests, morals, hobbies etc. Although, early on I noticed that I would be the one mostly opening up about my past/current things in my life[which isnt anything on him, i just sometimes trust way to easily]. When it came to him discussing his past/ current life events it would take a while for him to mention it and usually it would take someone else asking him for him to discuss recent things at the very least. Which I didn't mind initially since I want him to take his time opening up to me. As of recent, he's been acting very distant, in early April he all of a sudden let everyone know in our shared server that he would be taking a break for two weeks or so. When the announcement went out and I saw it, I messaged him and asked if he was alright, he was vague and said he was just burnt out. So I gave him some space and I only messaged him once during that time as a little "Hey hope you're doing well, make sure you take care of yourself." Etc, etc. After the two weeks he came back for a day and then later after I fell asleep made another announcement about needing more time, which he said he wasn't sure how long he'd be gone for. So I again gave him that space. However, as of now during this extended break he asked to talk to me over text, which was a day after my really close friend who I've known irl since I was a kid, told me that he had asked her about some advice about our relationship. My friend of course asked "Well do you still love her?" And he apparently said yes. However, when he asked to talk he typed out this paragraph[which I'll summarize as best as possible since I don’t really wanna look back at our old messages since the wound is still fresh] but he basically said he didn't love me and didn't know what to do, he also briefly elaborated on some other issues that may be causing him to feel this way such as family, work, etc. We discussed it briefly over text and I asked if we could take a break, which he agreed to. After the fact I talked with said close friend and she of course like any friend was upset and told me that I needed to focus on myself and distance myself from him. Which I did, initially we had matching pfps that I drew for the both of us which I abruptly changed[he ofc did the same]. Later I asked if we could discuss things properly over the phone instead of over text since I felt hurt by not being able to have a proper conversation over the phone. He agreed but come the day of the our phone call he blew me off to hang out with friends, I being hurt at the time snapped a bit and asked if I really wasn't good enough for a proper conversation which he with the same attitude as me responded that he forgot and the plans with friends were last minute. So I let it go and asked if we could take the next day, which we managed to. The conversation summarized was basically me asking what changed etc. Etc. To which he explained his reluctance to be honest about his past because of what he'd done prior[which I'm not going to touch on too much out of respect for him] apparently though everytime he was honest with a partner about his past they became distance or ended things right then and there. Which Depending on what it is my opinion on him isn't going to change, since a lot of my family has done similarly terrible things so it's not like I haven't heard it all before. Regardless, I'm not going to pry for his past, however I feel like he's letting his past hold him back and not allowing himself to be happy for once even though it all happened a while back. The main reason why I'm only putting this here now is because recently I had my senior prom which was last Saturday, and like anyone I posted pictures to our shared server, now usually when he's on these breaks he never ever responds to anything in the server, but when I posted pictures of me in a dress with full glam he immediately responded with "I love it". Which gave me mixed signals, so as a bit of a hail marry I decided to text him to see if he wanted to hang out which he immediately responded back with "sure". So when I got home late we hopped on a game for a bit which ended abruptly when he decided he wanted to play something else for a while, which I didn't mind since we stayed on party vc. I'll admit when he got off the game I wanted to play with him I sighed and he ofc asked me what was wrong and I just used the classic "nothing I'm just tired, or I don't wanna talk about it excuses." He took me at my word initially and left, he came back a little while later and told me that he knew something was wrong and be wanted me to tell him and be honest. So I did, I explained that I was confused on what we are and he was honest with me and said "I don't really know right now, but I know I'm not gonna find someone I relate to as much as you." I of course kinda froze at that not knowing how to feel with the sudden affection so I just kinda awkwardly laughed and said something along the lines of "Okay, you don't need to lie to make me feel better." Which he responded with something along the lines of "I'm serious though, it's gonna be hard to find anyone I relate to as much as I do with you." Then as the night progressed he casually made flirtatious comments as well as calling me babe again for the first time in a while, which I'll admit I didn't reciprocate the nicknames since it didn't feel right to call each other that after everything. After that night I just don't know how to feel, I'm just worried he's moving on and doesn't wanna be mean to me by breaking up with me, so he doesn't until he finds someone else. I don't think he is but as a chronic over thinker I can't help but worry, especially since I've never been so serious about someone, but everyone I know around me is telling me he's not worth the time and I should break up with him and move on. However, not only do I not want to, I really want to make things work. I just hope that he doesn't see this as I don't want to worry him or anyone else in our friend group, and I've already bugged my two friends a bunch about this already, but I don't wanna tell them about Saturday since I know I'll get shit from them since they want me to move on and find someone else.
[TLDR: Boyfriends become distant because of his past and stresses within his life[eventually telling me he didn't love me anymore and didn't know what to do chasing us to go on a break] and friends around me are telling me to move on etc. Etc. But I love him a lot and want to make things work, especially after he started showing me affection again last Saturday.]