What kind of high percocet

I'm 34 years F. I have never been in a serious relationship in so long, as in my first serious relationship was when I was 25 and I broke it off a year after. After that, I liked a guy but he lied to me and was engaged. And then after that, I met this guy whom I really liked when I was 30 years old (he is I think 3 years older than me) and he ghosted me for a while because he was "depressed" even though I liked him so much back then and wanted a relationship with him. To cut the long story short, I always had feelings I don't understand for him because he was always available for me after the first crappy year of our relationship (whatever it is) and we were friends with benefits until end of 2022. After that, we became just purely and strictly friends since then as I asked for that from him. I always felt comfortable being with him as in he was the comfort zone, especially that he was the first kind man to me after a bunch of shitty men, but I knew we could never be gf/bf because we have different beliefs and he never wanted anything serious with me, plus he didn't address my needs even as friends.
I also had other casual relationships that meant nothing but I feel I used all these relationships just as a bandaid on my deteriorating mental health. I then started going for therapy and getting a bit better, and in November last year 2023, I met an amazing man (38 M years old) whom I fell inlove with. He made it clear from the beginning that he is serious and wants a relationship that could lead to marriage with me. We are still dating since then and I feel he is the one. I cut off all my other relationships even when him and I were just beginning to be friends and I told this other guy that I'm in a relationship and he was understanding.
However, lately, he started sending me texts during celebrations as in happy bla bla and I would reply a day or two after.
I freaked out and talked to my therapist about the possibility of having lingering feelings, but she thinks it's just the comfort since I have had a hard time being in a real relationship especially that I still don't and know if I want kids with my bf when we get married or not and because I have been so used to the highs and lows of past relationshios. She also said the way I talk about my bf always shows how much I love him. I truly feel I love him so much that us not ending up together would break me.
But I don't understand why I feel bad for wanting to cut that guy off my life completely. I don't want to ever hurt my bf and even if God forbid I don't end up marrying my bf, I don't think still being friends with this guy is the right thing to do. What do I do? How to explore my feelings and understand why I feel bad for cutting this friend off my life? I even felt sorry for him when he was telling me that he just hopes I'm alright and happy... like wth is wrong with me!

Hi everyone, first time posting on this community and hopefully last. Made a throwaway account just for privacy reasons. I wanted to ask you all if there was a legal way to prevent someone from contacting you? I am located in Illinois.
For context, a guy that my wife went to high school with >10 years ago, who she was only kind-of-friends with (not someone she was close to by any means), has regularly called her a few times a year for the past many years. He is someone who unfortunately has developed significant mental health issues and has been in and out of mental health facilities as well as jail for many violent and non-violent crimes. He will call her from random phone numbers and she has also received collect calls from him when he is in jail. She tries not to answer calls from unknown phone numbers but with her profession, she sometimes has to pick up a call if she thinks it could be someone from her work and when she realizes it is him, she will just hang up. He has never overtly threatened her or anything like that. And he has never, to our knowledge, tried to contact her via other methods besides phone. However, as you all can imagine, it is really scary for her to keep getting these calls from someone with his history who she was never really close with to begin with. We know that ultimately, it might come down to changing her phone number and if that is what we have to do, we will do it but wanted to explore any other legal options first. Any advice will be appreciated!

Hi everyone. I’m a 32M, married with 2 kids. I earn a modest salary and have about $30k~ in my bank savings account.
I would like to invest some of them, but I am clueless about investing. I want to start reading about it, but I am (i) too busy attending to kids, and (ii) will be too tired due to kids and work.
So would like to get your advice on how to invest and what are good ways and approaches to invest my money in. My risk appetite is not high fyi. Would also appreciate if links can be provided, sorta like a dummy101 kind.
Thank you!

Not that we're happy about it being gone or not, but if we're losing that kind of social spot, or even just looking at it as a commercial attraction; replace it with a better mall with better stores than what Atlantic Terminal has, or the once great Kings Plaza. Give the citizens more options so people don't have to go to Manhattan for everything. The building is already set up with multiple floors and escalators. Theaters are big enough to turn into a few store locations. That's just my random thoughts but they definitely make sense as something us average citizens and the youth would enjoy rather than another high-rise the long-time, average Brooklyn residents won't get pickings at.

At the time of this post 145 thousand people are still without power going on almost 6 days without power. Tornado wiped out our power grid in select areas throughout Texas. Here's some things I learned and a situation report of my experience living with a very large family of mixed ages.
Context: We had been getting hit with some pretty gnarly weather, however business as usual in Texas. I didn't think much of it, usually when our grids down they're pretty quick to respond minus the snow storm years back. So when I heard there was a storm brewing, didn't even flinch I always keep some very very basics, battery's, lights, water, 2 weeks minimum of non perishable foods, self defense protection, and ammo, etc. But I hardly consider myself a prepper anymore, but I know some people don't even have that.
I use to be really on top of my preps overtime, however my stockpile had dwindled, as did my thirst for knowledge and hands on experience/training. I just honestly wasn't on top of my game anymore, and quit taking this as serious years ago. This tornado really brought me back to reality, so this post is mostly for entry level preppers looking at some practical advice from a 5 day experience, I fully regret the fact I quit taking this serious years ago.
**First Day:** Around 6pm, emergency alert on phone stating Tornado in your area, seek shelter immediately. Thought ok let's shelter in the master bedroom closet. Wind rocked the house pretty good, could hear limbs from tree's falling, within about 10 minutes the power shuts off, and glancing outside within a hour the streets flooded. The storm had died down, as did the flooding, and it was time to asses the damage in the immediate area. Got in the car, power had blown out pretty much every store/house within a several mile zone. Found one square zone with a few places that had power, got some fast food but waited about 30 minutes because everyone went there.
What I wish I had on day one/ and general notes:
Rain boots: The streets had not only flooded but was blocked by limbs in the roadway. Luckily our flooding wasn't too severe but had it been I wish I did have rainboots so normal shoes didn't get soaked. or some type of beach sandals, etc.
Chainsaw, electric saw, axes, regular saw: Would of come in handy if the limbs in our area blocking the road were any bigger.
Higher up vehicles: Some vehicles couldn't make it through the flood due to being so low to the ground, so take into account your vehicles.
More variety of quality flashlights: Electric Lanterns came in clutch, but wish I had more handhelds, head mounted, and higher end lanterns.
Battery Inventory checks: Wish I had not only more batteries cause you really do burn through these quick, but wish I had checked all my lights battery condition, and stored new batteries in waterproof containers.
Alternative sources to battery's: Not a huge fan of candles due to fire risk, but some not scented beeswax or soy based candles would of came in handy to help ration battery supply. Maybe glass lanterns as well for safety and ease of transport. Glowsticks would of been great option too.
Car chargers: believe it or not some of us didn't have car chargers for our cell phones cause we mostly charge our phones at home, although we were able to share, wish we had this on day one for all our phones.
Fully charged portable battery bank, or portable phone chargers: If we had this we wouldn't of been out in our cars late at night charging stuff putting us at more risk for being possible victims to crime.
Quality of cell phone, and cellphone provider: Have a POS phone but keep putting off upgrading it? Don't. Luckily mine was good but some of our cellphone providers carriers had better signal then others, some of are phones were in bad shape and it was noted we wish we didn't put off upgrading it sooner. You can't predict how well your provider will do but maybe do your research, unsure how this works but now I can do my research and learn from it. I had 0 issues with boost mobile but other family members weren't so lucky.
Cash: This is obvious but due to us moving towards a cashless society its pretty uncommon, but this would of came in handy due to how many places didn't have power. You can do so much with cash.
Battery powered or rechargeable camping fans: I did have one of these, it even had a light but wish I had more.
Larger ice chest: Now we had a few, but they were smaller. We lost everything in our fridge/freezer besides canned drinks, I mean everything. We had just bought grocery's too, lesson learned.
OTC sleeping medication: We had melatonin, and Tylenol pm, but it was so quiet you could hear a mouse sneeze a block over, until the generators turned on. First two are OK options but given its only going to be cool at night, and we knew tomorrow would be hot, we took kratom to sleep. Check your area some states it's illegal, not recommending it but it's what we used. I wish I had stockpiled more kratom, I took it when I got the flu on top of C word to relieve body aches and found out it really helped me sleep and ease pain/stress. Usually cycle this 3 days on max, one day off to prevent habit forming.
This is really for day two + but ill post this here cause I noticed it on day one:
Backup supply of my personal vices or quitting personal vices: I know this may sound stupid but I am fully addicted to caffeine, and nicotine. I picked my poison and know what I signed up for. Caffeine really? yeah really not sure if you know this but for some people caffeine withdrawal can make you really suffer, and I mean really suffer check out decaf. I was in the process of lowering my caff intake to 1 cup of tea a day, and quit soda. Was one month off soda before the storm came in, but had to relapse due to us not carrying high caff tea on supply.
But yeah stock up on your vices so you aren't going through withdrawals during an emergency. Was on 3mg per ml of nicotine and had to dish out 30$ for a disposable vape thats 50mg per ml at a gas station on day two to prevent withdrawals. So I was on way higher dose of nic then usual due to only being able to purchase what I could find, for reference 50mg per ml if you use that in 10 days thats about a pack of ciggs worth of nic per day. So yeah either quit your vice or stock up, I don't advocate hard drugs at all so this isn't for that but this is mainly aimed at coffee/caff use, etc. Instant coffee packs may be great for some people.
Battery powered radio: Can't stress enough how mentally taxing silence can be long term. We had one, but the battery port crapped out. Lesson learned, test your preps.
Backup food for your pet friends: Luckily I was pretty good on pet food but imagine if I wasn't, and this was more severe.
Water situation: Had a decent amount of drinking water, we had running water. If we didn't I would say I wish I had filled up the giant jugs I bought for flushing the toilet/doing dishes or running through a berkey water filter if we ran out of drinking water. I had bought 5 gallon blue jugs specifically for this years back. However I cleaned them out, and didn't refill, Lesson learned.
**2nd Day** We were able to cook some stuff on a gas stove, luckily. People at gas stations were stocking up on ice, filling their gas cans up for their generators, and shelves were getting empty at stores with power only on some things though wasn't too bad cause the power outage was scattered some had power, others didn't. Mostly a waiting game at this point, most of the preps I wish I had on this day were the same as day one, but ill toss in some stuff I wish I had. Obtained a portable battery powered radio, the morale boost was real for everyone, even the dogs.
What I wish I had on day two/ and general notes:
BBQ style lighters to light gas stove, we had two but recently tossed em out due to being empty. Realized I had no bics, and only had one box of matches, feels bad man.
Entertainment: Board games like checkers, board games for kids, chess, basic poker set, etc. These would of been awesome and a great way to keep the kids entertained and the adults, the boredom was real. We hit local goodwill's that had power to look for radios, and cheap prep supplies and games, but no luck.
**Third day** By then reality set in for most people, neighbors who could afford to do so booked hotels or bugged out to places with power. The generators really started up by day three, everyone was buying gas for them and you could hear them in almost every direction. Pretty sure some people had it from the start but noticed them more by day three. A lot of people were sitting outside the front of their homes trying to escape the heat. Ice from most places were completely sold out, so you had to really shop around to find any.
Finding news about the power outage day 1-3 was kind of hit and miss, KHOU news updates were pretty short and it took us some time to know how severe the storms damage actually was, cause we were focused on trying to get stuff done around the house and conserving battery. I believe at one point CenterPoint's actual website went down. Mostly resulted to local news channels, and nextdoor app. We couldn't watch live news and had to rely on when KHOU posted youtube videos.
Private security company's hired guards and they started patrolling certain stores that could afford the security, obviously to deter looters. Traffic everywhere was insane in every which direction during peak hours more then usual, PD presence was pretty high, more then usual.
What I wish I had on day three/ and general notes:
Generator: Pretty obvious why, had no experience with them but wish I did, and wish I bought one pre-blackout when I was more into prepping and took time to learn about them and how to use and maintain them properly.
Ham radio: Or something to pick up on local freqs to monitor radio comms for information regarding the storm and local activity if any. I think this may of been better then waiting on local news to post videos.
**Day Four** Buddy had power so he dropped off his generator and gave me quick instructions on how to run it, how far away to place them, etc. By day four the temps really ramped up, and this thing definitely kept us cool. When you think of bartering you think of some post apocalypse stuff, but no. In reality you can barter during any emergency, buddy dropped it off free of charge but was able to offer some booze as a thank you. So even if you don't drink stock up on booze/ciggs to barter, never know what you might trade it for. Times are tough in this economy and I honestly didn't have much money to spare, family had to pool our funds together to get last minute preps to survive this, cause we didn't know how long this would really last. In certain areas they said it could be weeks. However the alcohol was a small thank you that I could afford and he was happy so all worked out.
Gas cans were sold out, and extension cord supply's were looking extremely low at local hardware store. From what I overheard they also completely sold out of generators. Honestly wish I knew more about electrical stuff but my buddy gave me a small crash course in wiring everything. You can't just plug it in and pray for the best. Bought the best gauge extensions cords I could afford for our needs, and the distance and hooked it up.
We ran one bedroom AC unit, fans for the dogs, wired a light, and a charging station. Also don't cheap out on gas cans it's not worth blowing your face off or starting a fire, or having it leak. If you get a generator do your research on how to properly run it, and safely fill it. Crime in this area can be fairly high we've had a few drive by shootings and other not so good police involved things. Read this book along time ago about post collapse security, so I blacked out our windows so when we turned lights on no one knew we had power. You may hear the generator, but from the street we look like we don't have anything going for us. My biggest fear was looters from people who were less fortunate or really down bad. We near a common site for homeless people as well so they foot traffic the area.
Generators are very loud, between that and listening to the radio 12 hours a day, I was beginning to audio hallucinate lyrics that weren't there with the radio off, and suffered from heat exhaustion. That and the fact we had homeless in our area and tweekers who might loot I was running off adrenaline a bit. 24 hours almost that night without sleep, and didn't even feel tired. Slept near my firearm until my family woke up at daylight and when daylight hit I knew we were in the clear and I passed out.
What I wish I had on day fou and general notes:
Knowledge of generators.
Knowledge about electricity/wiring them safely.
Some type of physical alarm bell to put on the door like metal door knob alarm bells so it jingles if anyone enters to alert the dogs, had to keep the door slightly cracked so the wires hooked up to the generator would fit. So we couldn't lock the door, which is probably where my anxiety of tweekers coming in came from.
**Day Five** Same shit different day, power came on that evening.
Conclusion: Just cause it doesn't look like societal collapse or WW3 prep your shit for emergency's native to your area or go beyond, idc but prep. They ain't coming to help for awhile, or at all if it's very severe...so it's up to you and your community to pull through. This was a wake up call, thanks for coming to my prep talk.

First of all, this is not my findings. This is all taken right from Discord. All credit to "Apt0" on Discord. He said he didn't have reddit, so someone else had to post this here, so I took it upon myself to do it. Down below is all his findings and thoughts:
(((("Pharmaceuticals - +2 Economic Growth - +2 Probusiness - +2 Living Standards
High-Tech Military - +2 Economic Growth - +2 Living Standards - +50 Tanks per turn - +100 Trucks per turn
Renewables - +1 Energy per turn to Hydroelectric Dam - +2 Economic Growth
Advanced Shipbuilding - +2 to CurrentStep (No idea what this is actually) - +2 Economic Growth - +2 Living Standards - +1 Ship per turn - +1 Submarine per turn
Steel Making - +2 to CurrentStep - +1 Living Standards - +1 Economic Growth
All in all and disregarding the +2 to CurrentStep which I have no idea what it's about, I'd say Advanced Shipbuilding or High-Tech Military are the best picks. While too late into the game to really matter in the military, they both give the same Living Standards and Economic Growth as Pharmaceuticals with the added benefit of adding to your stockpile.
The worst pick is Steel Making since it only gives 1 Living Standard and Economic Growth compared to everything else.
Renewables is kind of middle of the pack. A +1 to Energy in the late game only matters if your energy economy hasn't recovered properly yet. Otherwise, it's strictly worse than anything that isn't Steel Making since it doesn't improve Living Standards, just Economic Growth."))))

Hello all,
I am a huge fan of turn based RPGs and would like to find a fun strategy game to keep my interest. Here are the features I need and enjoy. I admit I normally lead more to the tactical battles in games like Final Fantasy Tactics, X-Com, Divinity Original Sin but would love to find a 4x games that has the tactical gameplay I enjoy.
What I enjoy

• Plays well with controller, plan on having Steam Deck be an option.
• Fantasy theme is very important.
• Combat focused where battles feel great to play.
• Somewhat "quick" gameplay, basically want to be able to feel like l am making decent progress even when manual battling. If possible, I would like games to be in the 5-10 hour range but I am open to longer games if the gameplay is great. Basically like 2-4 player maps.
• Unique factions and high replay value.
• Would really like a game that has great coop gameplay where watching manual battles of the other players would be fun.
• Heavy RPG focus with heroes/leaders with varied abilities/classes.

Age of Wonders 4: I just could not get into. I found the "build your own faction", kind of disappointing. Not sure why but I much prefer Shadow Magic where Frostlings and Orcs were highly varied.

• I have no idea why but I found manual battles very tedious and often auto battled. I loved manual battles in Age of Wonders Shadow Magic but that was a long times ago.

The games I am thinking about buying...
Disciples Liberation: I played Disciples 2 and had fun but not sure how this one compares. That game had a huge focus on the RPG aspects and if this would be a good option.
Songs of Conquest: This is the one I am more intrigues by right now. It just released but it really seems like it tries to take what made Heroes of Might and Magic fun while adding more in depth strategy. Looks like there is limited units and building which should make very strategic choices. Also spellcasting seems really interesting. I am very tempted to get this game but curious about others.
Spellforce: Conquest of Eo: From what I read it seems really interesting, but I heard there is only one map. This sounds very boring to me but maybe this has changed. Not sure if they added any smaller maps.
TLDR: I am looking to find a fun combat focused fantasy 4x game with controller support. I also like a lot of RPG focus with character building. I am open to any suggestions.

I feel like my life is a dead end now...
For my whole lifetime, I was proud for tackling various hardships and turning out stronger than ever. Since my early childhood, I've been told that I'm mature for my age, as I had a vivid interest in reading and learning complex ideas - which was nothing more than autistic hyperfixations, but nobody knew at the time. And that was the factor that put some distance between me and my peers. To say I've struggled with forming bonds is an understatement. To be honest, it was my fault, too as I begin to be a people pleaser and a kind of clown during my teens. The pain of loneliness was intense, it still is. But after my major failure in life it hits even harder. I remember having a birthday party and nobody invited showed up.
This experience made me think that I should focus on studying, to gain knowledge and guarantee myself a good career. I chose the medical path. I've developed tunnel vision, which allowed me to say "whatever" when people my age tried relationships and parties. I'd wanted to say I had trapped myself in my room with books, but the expression doesn't feel right; I didn't feel enslaved by it, it was liberating and finally made me content that I have something I'm good at. I had put all my eggs in one basket. Fast forward to high school. I've developed depression with a hint of psychosis. Grades started slipping and I felt useless. Teachers used to yell at me, when it wasn't even my fault. I wanted to study and I literally shed my blood, sweat and tears to do it, to no avail. They knew I was sick and needed acommodations, but didn't care. I hate teachers as a group so much, I despise them. They can't get my forgiveness, even though I tried. Started drinking and taking benzos, as it was the only thing keeping me at peace. Failed uni entrance exams, no med school accepted me. I said fuck it and went for a gap year, studying 12hrs per day, being perfectly clean and working on my mindset. Remission finally laid her eyes upon me and I tapered off SSRIs.
I had the second attempt this month and guess what, my score will probably be lower than last year. I'm so tired of it, so tired of trying when nothing makes sense. I''ll probably pick nursing, but I feel like my whole identity is gone. He literally died and now I can't recognize the person in front of my mirror. I won't get into medicine like I've always hoped. I'm single and alone, forgotten and disgusting. I may be 20 years old, but due to the fact that I didn't quite experience childhood like a proper kid, I'm closer to 12 y.o behavior-wise.

Trying to lose weight. I'm very overweight because of hormonal issues and recent illness. I've never worked out or followed a diet in my life because I was always a very thin person. But had to lose weight so I joined a gym and got a trainer too. My trainer has been patient with me because I had no idea what to do in gym or how to stick to a diet, but now it's been two months. I'm following somewhat decent diet as in - no fast food, no fried foods, high protein, low carb, less processed foods, high fiber etc. I'm not taking sugar in anything, mostly cut out all dessert except for cheat days.
One thing is I don't enjoy drinking protein mixed in with water. I've got Isopure vanilla flavour and I don't like the taste of it. So yesterday I made a smoothie with some frozen berries, yogurt and protein. I added some sugar because I figured it would improve the taste and it did. But my trainer absolutely disapproves of it. I get it. So I asked if I can add honey or monkfruit sweetener. And he said absolutely not. No sweetener of any kind and that it would completely undo everything I'm doing in gym.
Is this true? Can I add anything to improve the taste of my smoothie? I'm not asking for donuts or ice creams. I'm just asking for a spoonful in a whole day. I don't take sugar in my coffee either. I just feel like I should be allowed this much.

What was once the pride and beating heart of Nagorow now reduced to desolate landscape, with the ancient structure barely stands from the impact. Whatever artillery piece was that, I hope I never encounter it again, added with gov'ness telling me to get away from here as quick as possible.
Easy for her to say, when I am carrying her whole weight while she stares at the sky. My suspender was doing well in supporting the binds of her to me, the movement helps little in giving me hopes that my skill with ropes was sufficient, and though my chest began to cool, my back is sweating from the skin contact with her.
My watch barely works anymore, it ticks in place, wasting the battery inside, but the sound it made kept me company when gov'ness herself seems awfully silent from when I met her first. The silent of the woods and the encroaching night force us to rest and made fire, some more challenge.
The gov'ness brows draw her emotion well, as she sees me easily ignites a fire with nothing but Rylanor's knife, leaf, and the head of my belt.
"I apologize if there are no food to be made, gov'ness" I sat and watch the woods, making sure that I am not looking at her indecency.
"There's no need, Musa" her stammers indicate something, but I do not dare to look "you were- you were efficient, to say the least"
I must be doing a poor job up until now, it seems, no reason to argue with the higher-ups, sergeant taught me that.
"That's not to say you were insufficient, I admire how-" does commander of legions that conquered the stars rarely say gratitude? Lucius' reason for jealousy was understandable then "I admire how you took the task at hand and done appropriately, if not better"
"Gov'ness you may rest, I trust you won't wander the woods alone" idle chat with nobility that never saw their underling will grind my head, if kept going, and so I stand and enter the woods, with a torch, to forage the forest's bed
"Of course" her tone shift to something akin to a disappointed child, but I didn't look back.
When you live your entire childhood in strict community, you'd eventually improvise on the go, especially when your family is a cook, the duty in making rations for my village naturally falls into our hands. Those experience taught you what plants was edible and so are mushrooms. And those very experience brought me back to camp with a handful of fruits, as many as one arm and a pair of pockets may allow. I made sure to walk backwards when I reach nearer to the camp.
"I brought food, gov'ness" I roll a round fruit across the camp, hoping the sound of the impact was made by her "we could make a bait for hunting with this" I do not know the merit in telling her I brought mushroom.
Silence greet me, and for a moment I thought she already slept, but the quiet was almost unnatural.
"Gov'ness?" I called, and when that didn't work, I finally brave myself to look at her place. What I thought to be her resting in place, was betrayed the moment I found dragged dirt heading to the woods "Gov'ness!" Rylanor's knife was already in hand as I stand.
And yet I stopped just a foot from the fire, something is weighing me down and it wasn't bounding me physically. Rather, my own mind betrays me, by shackling my feet in place, trying to tell me something, in which I have no choice but to listen.
What's the point of this? Nagorow and the Sejm are no more, the war is no more, and gov'ness' people will eventually came here and enslave us, brought us into compliance as they sent us across the star to die by the hand of monster beyond our imagining. She indirectly killed Maria, she indirectly caused the capital to be blown by that artillery, and now she's running away even when I tried to help her.
Goodness me, I am beyond an idiot. I accept the fact that I am an idiot, my face instinctively being wrapped by my palms as I dropped the knife, instead gripping tightly at my hair, trying to blot out any of these strange feelings with pain. Was it loneliness? Grief? Confusion and rage? A breaking point in insanity? To suffer all my life and finally seeing the end of it?
And before I even noticed, I already knelt on the ground, hands still gripping my hair as I fought the needs to scream, producing pathetic squeals akin to a dying animal. I want it to end, being forced to fight in a war where I would find no benefit, threats of death but never dying. It was a miracle I even managed to refocus back at the capital, after seeing the carnage, but now it would take more than that to distract me from this.
A loud growl of a beast in the woods knock senses into me, and once again my mind betrays me as it quickly pull the knife close to my chest, even when not a moment ago it thought that being dead would finally be relieving. The roar gets higher in tone, meaning its fighting another beast of its own so deep in the night, even deeper in the woods. Moving from the spot could be beneficial if I want to avoid it, and there's nothing holding me back anymore. Not when a familiar voice of a certain commander that her companion calls mother, suddenly rang between the roar.
Not thinking any longer, I quickly grab the torch and run my way to the voice, the cold of night be damned. Does my mind betrays me once again? Not this time, now it is my conscious choice that I made, even knowing that the result would be pointless. If anything, she's the only one I got left.
When the sound of the fighting was near, I can see the gov'ness wrestling a furry beast, and losing quite the blood. The beast throws her to the nearest tree it can swing, before swiping their hands trying to get past her defensive hands. Now or never, then.
My feet ran first, lunging so high that I was able to hook my arm to the neck of the beast, intending to distract it from gov'ness. The beast retaliate, hooking their short yet powerful paws into my left shoulder, the claws piercing my skin and flesh, before throwing me to the tree. And yet I didn't give in, and with a kick, I already ran to the beast, knife in hand as I made body contact with it, plunging my knife between the thick fur and even thicker skin. I knocked some wind out from the beast when we made contact, causing it to stagger, which I used as I wildly stab across its body.
That end when with one swipe from its arm, I was thrown like a doll back to the ground, my knife finally escaped my hand. The beast didn't hesitate to use the advantage as it jump to my position, intending to flatten me out, when I barely escaped it when I pull a root of a tree and slide on the wet ground. Doing so left me with no more escape, as the beast simply stands and gaze over me, with primal hate and anger. If this is to be the end, then good riddance it finally came.
As the beast prepares to flatten me yet again, something crawls on its back, causing it to roar in pain. Strands of silver hair juts out occasionally behind the beast's back as it assuredly went for the neck of the beast. The face of gov'ness, even tattered and ridden with mud, is still as majestic when I first saw it. She finally reach the neck of the beast, efficiently slitting the throat, before another swing and the beast's head escaped its neck and went to her hands.
The beast rolled over, the final semblance of consciousness slowly slip away as it stiffen the muscle. I didn't even noticed gov'ness stumbling away from the beast, even without legs, she's able to wrestle an apex beast, naked, at night, and even killing it. No wonder she's trusted with a legion to conquer planets and stars, if she can do this unarmed, compared to me, I am a speck of harmless dust.
"Musa, you came?" she finally speaks, her hands grabbing the torch to light up the night "Musa, I- I can explain" she stammers as she watches me slowly stand and stumble across to her "truly, I have an explanation for this, and it was not base on selfish -"
I ignore everything and went to gently wrap her neck with my hands, the pain on my shoulder didn't stop me as I clung my weak and fragile form to her. My barely muscular body to her finely tuned body, hers heating over my increasingly cold body. After everything, she's the only thing I know, the only thing I respect, and its enough for me to cherish it before I could die. Fate was never kind anyway, its a good thing to finally spite it after so long.
"Let's get back to camp, gov'ness" I knew the futility in this, we could die here after wrestling a beast, or she could ran away yet again.
"But the beast! I hunted the beast so we could eat, something for the-"
"Gov'ness, please" I went to the tattered remains of my belt and makeshift rope, tying it to her so I could carry her "let's just return and rest"
"Of course, apologies" I didn't notice the way she's facing and I could care less in fixing it, her breath warming my neck along with her body with mine "I dearly apologize, Musa, truly I do" she wraps her arms to me, more heat for me as I stumble in my return to the camp, the lingering effects of adrenaline slowly depletes. I was lucky that the effects were gone once we finally made it to camp.
I collapse on the ground, tasting the wet soil as the cold night slowly consumes me, making me forgot to sat gov'ness down. I was useless and inefficient right to the very end, and I hope what I did was enough for everyone involved,

So let’s see how I can explain this. This has happened to me three times in my whole life.

• The first time I hadnt been a whole day without sleeping but I was having some stress issues due to exams at high-school. What happened was that I woke up in the middle of the night super convinced that I had dropped the cap of a tipex under my pillow. So I turned on the lights in my room and looked for it for a couple of minutes until I decided to go back to sleep and continue looking for it the next day. Obviously this was all some kind of "dream", but I was awake when it happened because my mother says she heard me turn on the light in my room in the middle of the night, so it wasn't a normal dream. The next day I remembered what had happened and obviously it seemed ridiculous to me that I had been so convinced at the time that I had lost a tipex plug while I was sleeping, but I didn't give it much importance.
  
• The other two times this has happened to me was after having spent between 24-36h without sleeping. I usually start feeling sleepy and then I start to have some sort of super vivid and ridiculous dream, all while I’m awake. When I realise what’s happening, I feel super confused, dizzy, lightheaded, sleepy and especially scared at the thought that I’m going crazy. I mean I start to “dream” about the most absurd things. Today for instance, which has been the last time that this has happened to me, I was laying in bed after an exam I had taken this morning, and then suddenly I decided to walk to the bathroom and I started seeing (I guess it was more like vividly imagining) a lady telling me to throw some apples (which weren’t physically there either) in a bag. So in my imagination I started doing so. And then after a couple of minutes I started to realise that I was actually sort of “dreaming” just like the other two times, and I started to feel so so so dizzy and confused, because I started to realise I wasn’t in my bed anymore and I thought I was going crazy again tbh.
  

As you can see they are some sort of super absurd “dreams” or maybe “hallucinations” that I have when I’m super tired or under stress maybe. I know all of this may sound super ridiculous, especially the examples, but I tried to explain all of it as clearly as I could, considering that English is not my 1st language and that all the emotions that these experiences cause me to feel are extremely difficult to describe
So I guess I was just hoping to know if any of you guys have experienced anything similar or know at least what exactly these things that happen to me are. Thanks :)

Hey I’ve been having a new issue out of no where in that no matter what time I go to sleep I’m waking up at 4am or sooner.
I’m thinking it is some kind of subconscious stress about being self employed?
I was a stoner and smoking didn’t help with staying asleep. I’m not cutting it out. Not seeing any improvement.
Adding in exercise to make myself more tired hasn’t helped yet but I’m loving the ritual so I won’t stop that.
The other day I took some lsd, had a great time, then slept high like a baby and slept in until 8:30. Probably still only 6 hours but way later into the morning.
Obviously taking lsd isn’t a reasonable solution.
I think maybe drinking makes me sleep good too but I need to experiment with alcohol more to know and I don’t like it.
Any thought on how I can improve my ability to stay asleep later into the morning?

High power is just a vague term it means basically anything that isn't a precon.
If you ask someone who generally only experienced low powered commander and then asked what high power was to a cedh player they'll give you a drastically different answer.
It honestly annoys me how subject it can get. Because if bring a deck full of cedh staples and called it a deck without it being coherent to a proper strategy you are going to be looked down upon.
Then if bring that deck to "high powered pod" everyone gets discouraged because you're on duals fast rocks and other over priced nonsense.
So it makes me ask the question is there a point for the exists of bis casual decks. Or should these kinds of staples only exist in cedh.
https://www.moxfield.com/decks/nC7voRfCGEumJ3Z2Sqd55A
Here's a random example of these kinds of decks.

Never thought I would be making a post on here, but I only get 3 free therapist visits a year so here I am.
TLDR : My parents have fully replaced me with some guy (M28) they met at work/ church. I'm slightly hurt but ultimately it's their life and they can do what the please. I am more bewildered, and concerned about my parents being taken advantage of.
First some relevant background info:
My parents are VERY religious boomers. by this I mean more religious than you would believe until you actually spoke to them. growing up this created a lot of friction between us. As I reached my teens I became disillusioned with organized Christianity mostly due to the fact that a lot of modern day interpretations miss the point of what is written in the Bible. the hypocrisy I witnessed was rampant among church members including my parents. I strongly disliked their thinly veiled revulsion for any people who they considered "sinners", a title which was doled out on a whim. even while I was in the church it would be weaponized against other church goers and even myself once. a pastor from another church told a girl I was hanging out with that I would lead her to hell, despite the fact that I also went to church. she promptly cut off all contact despite admitting that she didn't want to, but was being threatened with being kicked out of her church groups of she did not.
back to my parents: we were at odds throughout my teen years as I began to avoid church and anything about it. I did not stop believing but I did not want to be associated with their type of toxic Christianity. this was not something they could understand. when I say they are fully indoctrinated it means they are irredeemable in many of their views. they were willing to ignore any and all boundaries I set about religion even to this day. despite me telling them that what they were doing would tear our family apart. in the end they chose religion over their children. my sister is essentially no contact with them.
as a very young child, our family moved around a lot. I was a continual outsider. I had no friends, at all. my parents would say it was no big deal cause I was just a kid and kids don't care about that stuff really, kids don't know the difference, etc. but I knew the difference and I desperately wanted friendship and community. the only constants were 2 hyper controlling parents who wanted a quiet and obedient follower.
eventually we moved to a place where I was able to form solid friendships for the first time in my life. it was , to this day, the happiest time period of my life. this lasted until my final year of high school when my parents decided to move. despite me having many friends whose parents offered me a place to stay for the final year, my parents forced me to move. this caused me to spiral into a deep depression for around 3 years. I developed enduring social anxiety which I deal with to this day. I have made peace with the fact that I will never have a lot of friends, but thinking about what I missed out on is painful. years later I found out they forced me to move because they prayed and God told them it would be better for all of us if I moved with them. we needed to stay together as a family. then 2 years later they moved back to the place they took me from. all I can do is laugh at this because it is so dark and obviously bullshit. when it was my life getting fucked up "God" said ok we needed to stay together as a family. when I needed support he said naw just ditch him and move away.
my life was destroyed by religion. I have since learned that of course, we are ultimately in charge of our own happiness, but at the time I had no knowledge of trauma or therapy. simply 2 parents who reduced every concern I ever had in my life to "just pray about it". in fact throughout my entire life they diminished all of my concerns, big and small. in addition, they would often judge me for everything I did, even if they were innocent to a non religious person. so I would only tell them about things when I absolutely had no other choice. and they would treat them as wholly unimportant. they also believed that men should not be upset or emotional and should figure things out for themselves. so they would help my sister out whenever she needed it, including buying her a new car, while I was riding my bike an hour each way to go to engineering school. there were many points in my life where I was at rock bottom, and despite them having more than enough means to help me, they did not.
compounding this is the fact that all the while they diminished my own concerns, they would bend over backwards to help people not in our family. they always wanted to appear nice and helpful, but this never extended to me. in fact they would often do things to inconvenience me in order to help some random person they just met.
All of these circumstances created a very weird relationship dynamic between us all. I became avoidant, negative and pessimistic for years before I discovered therapy and began to work through my mental health issues. I struggled in many relationships I had, and always felt like I was a lesser person than everyone else. this persisted until around 3 years ago when I began to correct the errors in my thinking patterns. despite therapy, I still struggle to have a relationship with my parents. all they talk about is religion. I have given up trying to enforce the boundary there. there is no point. they don't know anything else. they cannot be different and have no desire to change, in fact they see no error in their actions throughout the years. despite me obviously having issues. they essentially chalk it up to me just being a bad egg. I have since been able to forgive them, but the trauma I experienced throughout my life has left me with tendencies they hate. I withdraw when I am depressed, I am prone to anxiety from time to time, I have ADHD, I distance myself from them because all they do is cross my boundaries to preach at me, etc etc.
Back to the present:
Before my dad retired he hired this guy, let's call him Raj, at his work. just a basic bank employee. he is a nice enough guy I think. a little awkward but nice enough. I believe he has an engineering degree from another country but it got rejected by our country, so he had to just take whatever job he could get. he is new to the country and a bit of a fish out of water, this is the reason I think most people looked past his non ordinary behavior.... I literally cannot imagine myself ever hanging out or going on vacations with my boss, who is 20+ years older than me.
he struggled to understand the job and my dad had to spend a lot of time with him to get him up to speed. he began to go to my dad for life advice beyond work, as he struggled with making friends or getting a girlfriend. I think eventually my parents invited him to church and he went, despite being originally Hindu. eventually he went with them regularly and integrated himself with them to a wild extent that I did not realize until this past weekend when they came to "visit". they brought this motherfucker with them without saying shit beforehand. paid for his hotel and all his food. bought him clothes and took him on errands. all while saying they didn't really have time to assist me; I cannot drive anymore as I began having seizures 3 years ago.
when we did finally hang out, my own parents mistakenly called me his name many times. they acted like a family and treated me like I was just some dude lol.
we went out to dinner with some friends of theirs who were also in town. during dinner they called Raj my parents adopted son. needless to say I was very weirded out. but did not say anything. if I did they would just say I was being negative and I look like the asshole.
I know Raj does not make a lot of money but somehow he was able to buy a small house a year after starting work. I have not seen proof personally but my sister has said she is sure that my pprovided the down payment. this is where I began to be concerned they are being taken advantage of. this is very out of character for my parents.
I have considered also the weirdest possiblity, that they may have some kind of weird ass sugar baby relationship but I simply cannot see that being the case. they are hypocrites about some aspects of Christianity, such as not judging people, but they are 1000% devout when it comes to what they would deem as sin.
I get the impression that they have empty nest syndrome and compounded with their propensity to bend over backwards for non family members, they have essentially adopted this guy. he is at their house several times a week. as far as I know my mom prepares most of his meals.
it appears to me that they found a replacement for me with none of the mental health issues and resentment ( that they caused) and who was willing to play the part of a church goer. I fear now, based on watching them shop together that he is taking advantage of them. If they are just choosing to help him out money wise that is MASSIVELY out of character for them to do so to this extent. this is the main reason I think they are being taken advantage of. they are doing things for this guy they would NEVER do for anyone.
I am not sure how to approach this situation or what to even think about it. I lack the bandwidth to really mull it over or be upset about it. one thing I am certain of is that me saying anything about this will do nothing except make them mad and bring them closer together .they think I am simply a negative person and don't really listen to my thoughts on things, whether I am right or not.they have always treated me like I'm a moron
Is this as weird to you as it is to me? What would you do in this scenario?

Hi guys,
So a little context first, I am a 21y/o student who was supposed to finish my college degree studying pre-law. My graduation was supposed to be in the summer. But I missed a final exam for a required course and won't be able to graduate on time and will be pushed back to the next graduation cycle. I missed the exam because I had a lot of mental health issues and couldn't write it as the stuff at home (I live with my parents) was very tense and my home life just wasn't safe, I lost around 20lbs, barely had any sleep, had panic attacks and depressive mood swings and everything. I have a really bad history with mental health, I was bullied throughout high school and had no friends. My life at home during high school was equally as bad due to constant fights between my family members so I never really had a safe place. School and home were just horrid in general. I would often skip class to just sleep in the cafeteria and almost had the police called on my family when one of the nicer teachers noticed my habits and how thin I was getting. I started going to therapy for it earlier in 2022. However, my parents found out and I come from a very conservative background where mental health is shunned and people just look at you like you belong in some kind of asylum if you even bring it up. It's the reason I wasn't never officially diagnosed with ADHD until I got into college as my family, immediate and extended, just didn't believe in ADHD and thought it was just me being lazy and unmotivated when I had so much time to become obsessed with other random hobbies I picked up. My family also thinks that if you take an extra year in college for whatever reason you are a failure. They have this entire timeline set in their minds that people have to follow and it's insane. So I had to stop therapy for almost a year after my folks found out. I've tried so hard to make it this far and I am in the process of applying to some of the best law schools in my country but I can't because of this exam. During the exam season, my family had a massive fight and I am talking massive. Things were said, objects were thrown, walls were damaged, and so forth. As I said, it's not the best environment, let alone one to prepare for finals in.
I deferred it but I had to write the exam during the summer session which would push my graduation and now my entire life is flipped. I've barely been myself, I started eating less, barely slept, have panic attacks and have just been lazy so much and don't know what to do. I know if I tell my parents they are going to freak out and become furious with me. My entire life I've been compared to my older brother who got into medical school without even finishing his college degree as he fast fast-tracked it and how he's so successful now as a surgeon. And how the rest of my family is all so accomplished being engineers and doctors and such. And I know my parents are going to feel so disappointed and bash me. They are going to be furious and I won't be able to live at home in peace for the entire year that I am taking my 5th year. They had this entire timeline set for me to finish college and get into a good law school and be done with my education but now I have to take a 5th year, now I can't graduate with some of the best friends I've ever had, now I am going to be the odd one out in my family and my community. I don't know how to break it to them. I worked so hard and struggled with so much over COVID, mental health and undiagnosed ADHD, MDD and AD. And now it's all pointless.
And if I were to tell them that I couldn't write it because of their argument my parents would just turn on each other and blame each other for it and a whole new problem would come up and I don't want to be the reason my parents fight they are already strained from everything and I don't want to cause more issues between them.
So to anyone who has had a similar experience or comes from a very conservative culture/family is there anything I can do. I understand that it's my life and I have to do what is best for me and who cares about what people think but in cultures like mine, where people's opinion of you matters and family respect is held higher than most things it's suffocating. I am also sorry if this sounds like a mini-rant, I guess without access to a therapist this is my only outlet of sorts so I sort of morphed this post into a mini-rant as well.
edit: just some grammar stuff

In the last post we talk about how the chaquetrix would be upgrade for the future, or at least what I think we would be a good idea for it. In this post we go even father into how the upgrades to the chaquetrix and Ben effects his children and descendants and how they effect the universe. We talk the a new species made by Ben and the chaquetrix girls, the changeling species.
While Azmuth design the chaquetrix to save species by mating so he design that the first genertation made by the chaquetrix, AKA the kids of the wearer, could mate with both the wearer species and the pure species of their chaquetrix parent. This was done making it so the kids would have three forms, the wearer species form, a hybrid form, and pure chaquetrix parent form. He also design that the parents, no matter how the species normally propagate, would have litters of ten at least. However something happen he didn't plan for, something that happen with the chaquetrix 2 being upgrade into the chaquetrix 2.10. The children of the chaquetrix 2.10 and their descendants inhered omnicores as part of their biology, and inhered the some of the abilities of the the chaquetrix. So when Ben and the chaquetrix girls starting having children, and they had a lot of children, they were creating a new and powerful species, and species that comes in three phenotype. And in order to explain what makes this species so powerful we explain the abilities of the three phenotypes first.
Duotrix: The common form of the changelings, call duotrixes because they have three base forms. A human anodite hybrid form like that of Ben himself, a pure alien form which thanks to the nemetrix upgrade could come from non-sapient species, and hybrid form of the two. So they called duotrix because of they two base species forms and a third hybrid form of the two. They can stay any of these base for as long as they wish and as for they their abilities of these forms, well the alien form has powers of whatever that species but incease beyond what is normal for that species thank to the Potis Altiare upgrade the chaquetrix had. In their "human" form, which is also strengthen by the Potis Altiare upgrade, they are able to perform magic if the learn how to, which most do, in way similar to Gwen. While in hybrid form they have accuess to their alien powers and to a lesser extent their magic powers as well. This is due to the fact that thanks to the omnicore functions most changelings are unable to perform magic in full alien form unless that alien form is something like anodite.
However, this isn't all they can do and isn't all their forms, for while they can't fully transform into other species. They can still scan and store genetics of other species and use those genetics in other ways. But in keep in mind all other transformation outside their three based forms can only last a total of ten minutes. Now the first of these alter forms is their fusion forms, they can combine any of their three based for with the genetics of one other species. Now for their human form this just turns into another hybrid form for their other two forms it can have other changes as mix in this other species. Next is their Omni-Enchanced forms which are similar to their fusion forms but instead of a full fusion they only use the third species to enhanced their based forms. Giving them new features and some new abilities based on what species they used to enhanced themselves. There is also their amalgam forms, in which they take their alien form and combine it with nine other species to create a new hybrid, and "alien", that 1/10 the power of ten species combine. And finally the last way they can use the genetics they store in their omnicore is by making use of the slime-biot powers, giving to them thanks to the chaquetrix being upgrade to have them. To put simply they can morph their limbs, grow new ones, and make tools and weapons by using the genetics store in their omnicore as if they had a slime-biot of their own. They can also regenerate by using this feature as if they had a slime-biot (regrow lost body parts, fix damage ones) and in a way even more thanks to the fact that their consciousness is store in their omnicore, so they can even regrow their heads. And while this end of the transformations they get by other species genetics, it isn't the end of their transformations.
Thanks to inhering omnicores, they also inhered omni-naut and omni-kik which simply just allows them to wear either of said armor in any of their based forms. They also have an ultimate that allows their hybrid and alien form to become an ultimate form, and as for their human form. They lose the ability to do magic in this but they can use the powers of any alien species they have store in their omnicore, they don't transform however so can limit these powers in some way. They also have antitrix forms as well, in these state their human form becomes an osmosian form. Their skin turns grey or pale white, their hair becomes tentacle like, they grow four small horns, and they lose their magic but abosd matter instead. So they get Kevin powers basely, and they use these powers in hybrid mode as well. Their alien form and hybrid forms becomes a antitrix version of that form, causing them to be more aggressive. Then there evos forms which came about from the chaquetrix absorbing nanobots, their human become robotic like and they get the power to turn their limbs into kinds of machines as well grow machines from their body (so Rex's powers), their alien from becomes a more monstrous version of their based alien form and their hybrid form is a mix of the two.
Unitrix: A little less common the duotrixs, only one in every ten changelings is born unitrix, these are frankly just a stronger version of Eunice. They have her powers, but they don't have to touch others they can just scan them, they have evo human mode, and osmosian mode, as well as ultimate mode in which they get the ultimate powers of whatever species they using at the moment. They do store the genetics allowing their slime-biot powers to use them both now and latter, and yes this does mean they can use the powers latter as well. They also have omni-naut and omni-kik armor, but they don't have fusion, amalgam, hybrid, or Omni-Enchanced modes. And yes they can the Potis Altiare upgrade as well.
Omnitrix: Based on the name of these changeling, which only one in a hundred are born, it should be clear what they do. They can become any species, or take hybrid form of any species, and stay in based forms as long as they want. They also have fusion forms, ultimate forms, antitrix forms, evo forms, Omni-Enchaced forms, amalgam forms, omni-naut form, omni-kik forms, as well slime-biot powers, that they can freely use with any based alien and hybrid forms. They can also get new forms by scanning, Note, scanning powers can work on changeling in full based alien forms as well true member of the species. They carelt powerful version of the changeling species because of that.
Other Changeling Powers: Now quick list of powers all three types of changelings have that have that simply less obvious then the transformation powers, and has to do with their omnicores. First all changelings can change their at will, second all changelings do have some control over their looks. If they what they can permanently their looks in the same way you may change the looks of character in video game. For example they can give themselves curly hair or red eyes instead of green, and even make themselves a bit taller or shorter. They also all have an universal translator, the ability to surf the extranet, to record video and audio , to send messages including phone calls and video calls. They can generation and change clothes thanks their uniform feature on their omnicores. And finally and possibly more importantly they can store items, people, and themselves within their omnicores. Causing many changelings to see the inside of their omnicores as mix of their bedrooms and homes.
Changeling Reproduction: Where do new changelings come form? Simple, any offspring between a changeling and a non-changeling will be a changeling, and thanks to how powers work they can mate with just about anything. Now as what kind of changeling the kids will, well that depends, first of thanks to them storing genetics in their omnicore the kids could be duotrixs of any species they have in their, if they aren't unitrixs or omnitrixes instead. If two changelings have kids together, which that haven't done yet as they still see each other as family, the kids will also be changelings as well with a higher chance to get omnitrixes then normal.
And that is all I have on the changeling powers and abilities, and just how far have I though of ahead for the changeling species? Not that far, I only thought of to the time of Ben's great-great grandkids. In this future the changelings are mostly on Earth but there are a high number of them found on Galvan Prime and Petropia as well. Plus some living Primus as well, with that be being listed as their official home planet. Many changelings have join the plumbers thanks to family traditions, with a lot also choosing to become explorers to find new species to increase the power of the changeling species over all.
So what do you think of this idea? If you like you are free to use it

I was thinking just now. It would be cool to have a group of teens and young adults express their thoughts/ on society, themselves, etc. and how we can use these thoughts to understand not only ourselves but others, problems and solutions in our world. Especially for minorities/ LGBTQ( I’m African American and pansexual, gender fluid ) who usually don’t have equal access to express themselves this way without being judged or silenced. Hey, I’m Mya and I’ve always liked to write. My great grandma writes books and plays, my mom writes poems, etc. I’ve attempted writing short stories, poems, I love writing essays in class. Now, I mostly write my thoughts down to get a better idea of the person I’m becoming and it’s always good to not get stuck in your way of thinking and always evolve and question ( so, more philosophical). Anyway, writing can be a good outlet for your emotions, thoughts, or just creativity and there is no right or perfect way to do it. Maybe I could make the group on discord so it’ll be easier for people to share or, idk I’m open to suggestions. I’ve also started listing topics that interest me so I can research them and just write what I learned/ my thoughts. ( this is also for introverted people who wanna share their thoughts and interests without an obligation to constantly drain their social battery. Trust me, I get it. We like being around people but it can be too much). I know at our ages we kinda have an idea of who we are but we kinda feel lost still, for me writing even if it’s just random thoughts or idk maybe I watched a video and the ideas made me want to elaborate and add my own thing. It’s really helping me with self discovery. Which discovering and loving myself is what I want to focus on when high school finally ends and I have a gap year.
Thanks for reading and let me know if this is a good idea that you guys are interested in. The group doesn’t have to be big 🥰 ( Ok, I posted this yesterday and I got a few people who were interested so we decided to make the group on discord. Then I started searching for other teen/ hobby / writing groups on Reddit to let people know) We would like to keep the age between 16-19. I even said people who are 20, 21, 22 would be fine. The people that joined so far are very kind and supportive so don’t be afraid. DM me for the link.

What/how little do we think Ariana eats a day to maintain her current state? I’m just fascinated by how someone, especially with her mental health issues & busy schedule manages so much with so little nourishment, I would feel like I didn’t have a minute to breathe if I was so deep in my ed but had so many obligations to show up for (which alone can be exhausting). I’m aware there’s all kinds of drugs/help she could be getting to stay up & running as she is, however, taking a possibly more realistic approach, I wonder if maybe she truly does just drink a shit ton of black coffee which can do the trick to an extent (ik my heart would be racing out of my chest, if I ingested the amount she does lol I feel like it has a higher affect on those w anxiety?) she probably is just incredibly strategic abt what/when she eats so she can keep pushing through her days, that on top of the fact she probably gets a lot of steps in for someone so malnourished (especially on set for wicked where she had to dance & run all around set) I’m interested to hear some other thoughts on this & what y’all think a day of eating (or lack thereof🙈) looks like for her! P.S. she is no longer vegan to my knowledge there have been numerous reports she confirmed it in a soundcheck back in 2018 although I’m not rlly convinced she was ever truly 100% vegan as she actively bought/wore leather bags & a horrific fur coat, as well all throughout this time period - lol performative much😭 as an ex-vegan I simply point this out to say, you never know especially w someone like her, she’s probably at least primarily still plant based / a pescatarian…coming from experience, however, she probably eats whatever she can that is most high protein/low cal in her state to stay this way w out dying essentially, unless ofc she has orthorexia, which could make it even more difficult for her to indulge in anything outside a v rigid set of safe foods….I say all this not to alienate her in any way, or those w ed’s in general, but as someone who has dealt w an ed similar to her’s & is looking to study nutrition/health, I am simply curious to hear some other viewpoints:) thankfully I am in the final stages of recovery, but I want to be clear it hurts my heart to see anyone dealing w such a hateful relationship w themselves, it truly is a disconnection w the self/soul:( I will also be asking ariheads in the near future & reporting back on their predictable delusion lol. She may be a shit person, however, this post is not intended to shame her for her ed in any way, simply to shed light on a topic I find fascinating in the aftermath of my ed.

I'm writing this after yet another night of drunken delirium. I'm not sure what exactly my goal is with posting this, but this is my first time ever sitting down and writing out my thoughts, putting out my close-kept experience to the world.
I'm a 28 year old guy living in a big city. I'm in a relationship, and we've been together for two years.
For YEARS, alcohol and cigarettes have been a huge dependency. I've gone back and forth, taken breaks, been good about my consumption, then hit rock bottom. I do better, but then I slip again. Rinse & repeat. For the past several weeks, though (5 to 6 weeks), my addiction has plummeted to a place worse than I've ever been. Almost every single night, I break down and buy a pack of beer and inevitably drink 6-12 beers and chain smoke til I can't walk straight. Sometimes I'll fall asleep on the couch, to make my way to bed early in the morning. Sometimes I go to bed right away, only to toss and turn for the rest of the night, worrying my partner about my sleep habits.
My partner does not like that I smoke, at all. It's been a problem we've been open about for a while, and I've assured him that I'm trying to quit. It's gotten to the point where he thinks I'm only smoking 1 or 2 a day, while in reality I'm sneaking outside repeatedly to get a smoke in. This goes hand in hand with alcohol. He thinks I'm drinking 1 or 2 a night, but the truth I keep to myself. He's aware that I have a drinking problem, but is nowhere close to the truth. I've been pretty careful to not let him see my used up cans / bottles, but the pressure and anxiety that comes from covering up my problem is getting to me.
I have a stable job that I've worked for 4 years, and have since had the opportunity to kind of work as I please. The opportunity this presents for my addictive personality is bleak. At this point, I am able to stay at home in the morning and do whatever I want, without anyone really knowing what I'm up to. I could be working for all they know, or I could be goofing off and shirking my work. Most of the time I do get work done, but the stress of hoping no one catches on to my behavior is also quite draining. I have one person that reports to me, and thankfully, she has a very high acumen to handle things while I'm away. That being said, we have a sort of unspoken understanding that if she doesn't ask what my deal is, all will be well. It's quite manipulative on my part, but I've always been this way to some extent. I've learned to be comfortable with the chaos and sliding under the radar.
Several months ago, I saw a psychiatrist to get back on a stimulant that I was on in high school. Back then, I was diagnosed with pretty severe ADHD, so I took Vyvance to help me focus and get work done. My symptoms are quite thematic with what other ADHD'ers experience, and being on the stimulant has been a major boon to my productivity and the things I can get done. That being said, I'm full well aware that the ability to get drunk off my ass, then take the stimulant in the morning to overcome my hangover (which is a quite powerful tool) is a major problem. It allows me to perpetuate my behavior, and rise to solid dopamine levels halfway through the day. I return to normal, get shit done, and convince myself that everything is alright. By the time the day is winding down, I grab myself some beers, and start the ritual all over again.
Like I said, this has been going on for well over a month at this point, and my daily cigarette intake has skyrocketed to 8-10 per day. It's never been that bad. I'm tired, stressed, anxious, depressed, and completely dissatisfied with every aspect of my life. I don't know what to do, and thinking about working myself out of this pit is just one more factor that helps me justify going numb and forgetting my problems.
I'm worried for my health, and when I actually think about what I'm doing to myself, concerned that I might just drop dead.
Like I said, I don't know exactly what I hope to gain from writing this, but if anyone has any sage wisdom or advice... I'm more than willing to listen.

Am I wrong for soft ghosting one of my “friends”?
Wow, this one might me a long one.
So I moved to (undisclosed location) sometime in the beginning of last year. When I moved here I really had no friends but became heavily involved in this yoga studio I went to and slowly but surely started to make friends/acquaintances with the teacher that instructed me.
From afar she seemed super cool and I became pretty enthralled with her and her life. I would look forward so heavily to going to her classes every week and was quite intrigued by her. I thought she was funny, bubbly, spunky, cool, and always made jokes during class that made me laugh. As months went by I found myself wanting to get closer and closer to her, and she even invited me out one time to one of her “events” she was hosting. Here’s the thing;
It seemed like we had a lot in common and was just generally craving camaraderie and connection. I felt a sense of belonging with her and wanted to expand that energy in my life, and wanted to do anything I could to get closer to her for those reasons. But I guess this is where we have the first red flag;
One day after class, she extended an invitation to me to a meet up of sorts, (I’m being sparing with details just out of fear she might read this) and when she invited me it seemed like it was gonna be this big thing with lots of people invited, and just in general in talking to her it seemed as if she was very well connected and respected within her community, had lots of friends and connects, and I thought this was gonna be a huge thing that I was even lucky to be invited to. I was super stoked and exited about it.
However when the day of the event came, I was super tired and slow to getting up that morning. I figured I would just make my way over whenever I could since it seemed causal and like you could drop in whenever. I also figured there would be more than enough people that no one would really even notice my arrival or departure. (Plus, sometimes it’s chic to be fashionably late ;) ). Well…. I was most definitely wrong.
When I showed up I heard someone excitedly shout my name, which was her, and she waved me down to the “meet up”…. There was literally only one person there and it had been going on for 2+ hours. I was definitely a bit unnerved, but also didn’t want to be rude, and like I said I was just kind of happy to be there and be getting invited to things. But it was kinda like, damn…. Are these all the friends you have?
I had dressed up and looked cute but they were just kind of wearing whatever and I felt awkward and overdressed and also embarrassed now that I was even this late because it was clearly much more intimate than I expected and my arrival/absence was DEFINITELY felt. We had chatted a bit and that was cool but then I remember her confessing me that she had cried to her husband earlier that morning that she was scared nobody was going to show up and how thrilled she was that not only one, but TWO people had showed up and that it felt like she had friends. I wasn’t really sure what to say or make of that.
She also…. The whole time (and mind you, this is our first legitimate interaction out of yoga class) just kind of kept talking maniacally AT me, not to me, and was coming off almost even manic, and she had formed a white crust of spit around her mouth probably from talking so much that I couldn’t look away from. To say the least, I was a bit disturbed coming away from this interaction but I just kept telling myself that I was being too judgmental of her and to give it a chance and that maybe she was just hyper that day and that I had probably had unintentional embarrassing hygiene moments as well. So I keep going to class and that’s that.
There were several other red flag moments between this first interaction and the next one, mostly just her incredibly cringey social media presence that I genuinely almost couldn’t stand to see without feeling like I was withering away inside, but maybe I’ll save that for later. It’s almost like I couldn’t just see that the person I thought was so cool in class and the person I was seeing her be online and outside of class were the same people. But I digress.
She had actually ended up inviting me to go with her on one of her international yoga retreats, and I was actually very excited about this. I had very little time with her in between classes, and my attraction (but also repulsion) with her was growing stronger and I wanted to figure her out and see what she was really about and what the pull I was feeling towards her was about. Plus, I love travelling and just thought it would be fun.
I had a pretty good time, but we didn’t get to talk much, HOWEVER, I do remember this distinct point during the trip where it was myself, 2-3 other fiends I had made, her brother, and her “best friend” who had happened to be her brother’s Gf in a room together, talking. the brother, the best friend, and the other friend I made just all completely started talking shit about her and I was so confused.
I felt super hurt by this actually, bc I felt like I had a inexplicable bond with the teacher who had invited me, she was the reason we were all there in that beautiful place, and I just couldn’t understand why they were choosing to be so negative about someone I thought they had claimed (at least by title) to love. They would say things like “I can’t fucking stand your sister” (one of the friends I made to the brother) and everyone would just sigh and put their hands in their head and be like “I know…. I know. It’s a lot. She’s a lot”. And I didn’t have anything to add to the conversation because I was just so confused and I knew the girl would just be so upset if she heard them saying this. Anyway… that confusion stuck with me for a while after.
Fast forward maybe a month or two, I started hanging out with her more regularly myself outside of class. I would say this is when we became more “friends”. She would invite me to other teachers classes and we would talk a lot about our lives.
I learned how she felt about her close friend and family connections, and how she often felt hurt and betrayed by people close to her and how some of her friends were actually really shady. I just got a general sense of her feeling scapegoated and libeled against by ppl that got close to her and how she had walls up for that reason.
She also shared to me that most of her family was cut off, with the exception of her brother who she had recently rekindled a connection with, hence why he was on that trip. I felt very bad for her and wanted to be a source of comfort and support, and she would often comment on how she felt a sense of camaraderie with me since I also (LITERALLY) had no family and how we have to make our chosen family. This was a sweet sentiment, for sure, but I was still sussing out how I felt about her.
So one day, a mutual friend that had been on the trip with us was having a birthday party and I guess that she was invited to it, too. She sat down next to me and I was SUPER excited to see her as I was craving her energy and hadn’t seen her in some time. But then… idk. She had had a lot to drink. I’m fully aware that she’s kind of a quirky individual, and has a way of socializing which I can sometimes find a bit uncomfortable or even intense, (like the first meetup I spoke of) but this time it was even more and seemed to be heightened by the drinking.
Her husband was sitting on her other side and kept trying to interject and insinuate that maybe she was doing a bit much, but I think she was drunk enough to the point that she just found it funny and had no awareness of how she was coming off. There’s not even a way I can describe it really, but she just seemed a bit obsessive over me and kept making jokes that were literally not funny and seemed to have lost all ability to read the room. I also had noticed that she had only had TWO beers and was acting like this already which I found… really strange.
So at some point she goes to the bathroom, and I also get in line for the bathroom about 5 mins later. When I get up to the bathroom, she’s still in there, and there’s a line of about 2 or 3 people ahead of me. When she exits the bathroom she immediately spots me and rushes up to me and just starts… drunkenly spewing.
I can’t even remember what she was saying, but we were in a pretty high class establishment and I remember her gushing over me and was saying “I just want to let you know that I don’t really have friends or let people close to me in my circle but I just want to let you know that YOU are officially in my circle and you have earned friend status to me and I’ve let you in my circle…” or something like that. And I just kept thinking, who tf even says that??? I’m pretty sure the last time I checked that friendship is a two way street and it’s not just a title we bestow onto some “lucky” person and that’s that. Like girl… let ME decide if I want to be friends too first.
It was partially that, and also the way she was drunkenly spewing was so awkward and embarrassing bc I could tell all the other women in line were like who tf is this bitch and why is she saying all this weird stuff and like, does she even know you?? Lol. Just a very odd interaction which again, I kind of wrote off, but the unsettling feeling kind of just kept growing after that point.
Then, the time that I REALLY knew something was up came up about a month later, but there are still some key details of this story that are missing. Perhaps I will discuss them later.
SO. About a month later, she invited me last minute to this concert of sorts. When I got there, I was super excited to be there, the vibes were amazing and we were having so much fun. But she had definitely had a lot, A LOT to drink. I didn’t mind at first, because everyone there seemed severely under the influence, but she would just start randomly kind of lashing out at people in the crowd and she thought it was funny? She first loudly and audibly started making fun of some guys shoes in front of us, and was trying to laugh with me as if I would join in, but when his girl friend turned around and shot her a dirty look, she had the nerve to be self conscious and mad about it. She would loudly poke fun at other people in the crowd too, but not in a ha-ha way, just in a straight up mean and asshole way and I could not understand why she would even do that or why she thought that was funny.
Again, I kind of just awkwardly laughed and brushed it off. But when all was said and done and the concert was closing, she enthusiastically invited me back to go to her house and soak in her hot tub. I kept saying are you sure?? But she was like please, PLEASE come, we have weed, we’ll smoke you out and other things and I wanted to continue the vibes because it sounded fun. And then….. completely downhill.
I had arrived back at their place before she did, but as soon as I saw them go in I knocked. When I walked in, she was pale faced up on the floor, non verbal, pretty much motionless, and staring at the ceiling. I was like oh no… it seemed like she got a bit too much to drink. I waited patiently there for a few mins, unsure of what to do as I had just drove for 45 mins and I was still 25 mins in the opposite direction away from home.
I kind of just sat around, and hoped that she would sober up. I asked if she was drunk… she said no. She ran to her bathroom multiple times while her husband (a complete socially awkward case himself) tried to take care of her while she threw up. I asked her if she puked and she also said no. So I didn’t really know what to do. I was trying to offer support/ empathy but she just kept denying any claims of anything being amiss. Her husband left to pick up a pizza and I probably just should’ve left but I’m telling you I had no idea how to exit their house without making it weird or awkward. And I also was hungry. So I just stayed… and waited for the pizza.
What happened in those 20-30 mins, I don’t even know if I can fully explain. She just became… so FUCKING WEIRD. she clearly was embarrassed that I was seeing her drunk, and I think was trying to over compensate. But she just turned into an absolute freak show and I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life.
She started hoola hooping in my face, and making these weird gremlin faces and noises at me, fell to the floor, rolled round on the floor while continuing to make the noises, convulsed on the floor, but tried to do it in a funny way, tried to make an interpretive dance for me… I’ve truly never experienced something so uncomfortable in my life. I probably do sound like an asshole, but I swear you would just have to be there to see how a) gross and b) weird and actually scary it was. I was genuinely frightened.
I’ve never seen anyone act like that and I didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable or weird by showing her how clearly uncomfortable I actually was. so I just sat there and tried to laugh. But it probably came off as more of a grimace. And for the record, this woman is 33. I am 26. It was just. Obscene.
And she’s tried to act like and say multiple times that she’s like my “big sister”. Now I’ve seen a lot of drunk behavior, but not this. I wolfed down my pizza, and so did she, and she started to get even more philosophical and weird on me, showing me songs and art which were quite frankly some of the worst things I’ve ever heard in my life, and I left as soon as I could.
I was so shaken and disturbed coming away from this, because like I said earlier, I thought she was a cool girl, but honestly her behavior and lack of control over herself completely terrified me. And it’s not like she was drinking liquor, it was just damn IPAs. And I just did not know what to do.
Some details I will try to add to this story, even though I know it’s monolithic at this point , is that 2 months prior to this she had gotten fired from the studio she worked at.
She had a mental breakdown during class because the manager was being mean to her, and he fired her on the spot. I remember being so angry with the owner, (honestly he IS a piece of shit human being) but I thought he was being sexist by calling her mentally unstable and I thought the way he handled things was unfair.
I went so far as to boycott the studio and completely remove myself from it in support of her and followed her to her new one. After the drunk #2 incident, I didn’t hang out with her very much, and only saw her during her class as I was locked into a certain number of classes I had paid for.
I remember her telling me that she had just started at ANOTHER studio, and got fired 3 days after on her birthday and she was talking about how unfair it was and how much of an asshole that new girl was for firing her… and I believed her. AGAIN.
I went so far as to block that girl on Instagram too, but deep down I kind of knew that she had probably just been fired bc let’s face it… as I was starting to discover, she WAS a lot. and the studio was in an upper class area , catered towards more upper echelon people, and I just don’t think she was fitting that image. I lent her an empathetic ear, because that’s all I would want in that situation.
But where she fucked up was sending me screenshot proof of the text exchange between her and that girl, thinking I would take her side, and later sending me screenshots of another conversation she had with the OTHER manager. She told me that this new girl fired her for bringing her husband to class. In my mind I was like, oh no, is she racist!?! Because her husband was black. But no, that’s not what I read at all.
It was the most reasonable, level headed response to someone ever, and laid out multiple offenses and reasons she didn’t want her at the studio. The reasons were honestly so embarrassing that I don’t know why she would send it to me and think I would side with her. She recently also sent me messages with the other boss and the last thing he says to her is “I hope you get help for your mental illness because whatever you have is serious and will impact all your relationships and business and things that you do”. And honestly I can now say in retrospect that those were the truest words ever spoken.
When I read these texts, I had a look back at my whole relationship with and how she would always paint everyone else to be the villain and how everyone is so mean to HER… and the whole time the common denominator was her. It was always her. And it made me rethink everything.
I’ve even had extensive conversations with some of the other people on her trip that were talking shit and couldn’t stand her and they all told me the same things. How it seemed like she was the coolest person ever and had her shit together and seemed like she was going places… but deep down she was just an absolute mess and pushed everyone away from her. And I no longer felt like I was going crazy.
But like I said, she formed a really close bond with me (I think from her perspective) and said she felt like my big sister and family, and shared all these stories about her feeling isolated and shut out by people, but now here I am, doing the exact same thing to her. Icing her out of my life. And I just wanna ask you guys…
Am the asshole?

[18F] Writing buddies, anyone welcome.
I was thinking just now. It would be cool to have a group of teens and young adults express their thoughts/ on society, themselves, etc. and how we can use these thoughts to understand not only ourselves but others, problems and solutions in our world. Especially for minorities/ LGBTQ( I’m African American and pansexual, gender fluid ) who usually don’t have equal access to express themselves this way without being judged or silenced. Hey, I’m Mya and I’ve always liked to write. My great grandma writes books and plays, my mom writes poems, etc. I’ve attempted writing short stories, poems, I love writing essays in class. Now, I mostly write my thoughts down to get a better idea of the person I’m becoming and it’s always good to not get stuck in your way of thinking and always evolve and question ( so, more philosophical). Anyway, writing can be a good outlet for your emotions, thoughts, or just creativity and there is no right or perfect way to do it. Maybe I could make the group on discord so it’ll be easier for people to share or, idk I’m open to suggestions. I’ve also started listing topics that interest me so I can research them and just write what I learned/ my thoughts. ( this is also for introverted people who wanna share their thoughts and interests without an obligation to constantly drain their social battery. Trust me, I get it. We like being around people but it can be too much). I know at our ages we kinda have an idea of who we are but we kinda feel lost still, for me writing even if it’s just random thoughts or idk maybe I watched a video and the ideas made me want to elaborate and add my own thing. It’s really helping me with self discovery. Which discovering and loving myself is what I want to focus on when high school finally ends and I have a gap year.
Thanks for reading and let me know if this is a good idea that you guys are interested in. The group doesn’t have to be big 🥰 ( Ok, I posted this yesterday and I got a few people who were interested so we decided to make the group on discord. Then I started searching for other teen groups on Reddit to let people know) We would like to keep the age between 16-19. I even said people who are 20, 21, 22 would be fine. The people that joined so far are very kind and supportive so don’t be afraid.