There is a curious dynamic at work in politics these days. Trump does not appear to be trying to court voters to his standard. If he were, he would be reaching out to Nikki Haley voters and trying to moderate his stances. Instead, he is rejecting her voters and doubling down on extreme positions. Rather than trying to appeal to swing voters, he seems to be trying to whip up his right-wing base to engage in violence on his behalf. In Minnesota on Friday, Trump echoed fascists when he told supporters, "No matter how hateful and corrupt the communists and criminals we are fighting against may be, you must never forget this is not a nation that belongs to them. This is a nation that totally belongs to you. It belongs to you. This is your home, this is your heritage." Saturday, at the annual meeting of the National Rifle Association in Dallas, Texas, Trump floated the idea that he could throw out the constitutional amendment limiting a president to two terms. “You know, FDR 16 years—almost 16 years—he was four terms. I don’t know, are we going to be considered three-term? Or two-term?” he asked the crowd. Some yelled, “Three!” In the same speech, Trump told attendees that the Second Amendment “is very much on the ballot” in November, and he urged gun owners to vote and to “be rebellious.” Then he told the crowd that Biden’s actions were such that if he “were a Republican, he would have been given the electric chair, they would have brought back the death penalty.” This evening, Trump’s Instagram account posted a video of what a newspaper would look like after a 2024 MAGA win. Under the headline “WHAT’S NEXT FOR AMERICA?” were the words “INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASED DRIVEN BY THE CREATION OF A UNIFIED REICH,” a clear reference to fascism and German dictator Adolf Hitler’s Third Reich. It is not clear to me how anyone can any longer deny that Trump is promising to destroy our democracy and usher in authoritarianism. But it is also not clear that he is still a figure that any but the extremes of his base will follow to that end. Hence his emphasis on turning them to violence. His lies have become increasingly outrageous. On Friday he told a crowd in Minnesota that he won the state by “a landslide” in 2020 even though he actually lost it by more than 7 points. At the NRA annual meeting, Trump claimed that his former physician told him he is “healthier” and “a better physical specimen” than the famously athletic former president Barack Obama. At that same event he boasted that he won 31 club golf championships; the day before, he boasted that he won 29. Significantly, he continues to insist that the area around the courtroom is like “Fort Knox.” “There are more police than I’ve ever seen anywhere because they don’t want to have anybody come down,” he said today, “There’s not a civilian within three blocks of the courthouse.” But this is, quite simply, a lie. Virtually no one has turned out to support him. As conservative lawyer George Conway noted today, “There is virtually complete freedom of movement around that courthouse.” Social media contributor Eddie Smith, who filmed the handful of Trump protesters in New York today, put it more colorfully. After noting that “MAGA’s not repping in New York,” he added: “Wait a minute! You guys hear that? There is a mouse pissing on a ball of cotton in China. That’s how quiet it is out here.” Republican lawmakers are stepping in where Trump’s base followers are not. Republicans attacked as unfit for office 2016 Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton for her use of a private email server. They tried to impeach current president Biden on unfounded accusations that he took bribes from foreign countries. Now they find themselves forced to defend a man who is currently the defendant in a criminal trial that is showing that his associates acted like a criminal gang. As Tom Nichols put it today in The Atlantic, that defense is partly because they are afraid of their own voters. Nichols also called out those “now circling Trump like the cold fragments of a destroyed planet” who “resent the people who stuck to their principles.” Those MAGA Republicans lawmakers are, like Trump, trying to gin up anger with lies. Representative Anna Paulina Luna (R-FL), who went to Trump’s Manhattan trial to support him on Thursday, told Jesse Watters of the Fox News Channel and later posted on social media that “[t]hey’re trying to keep cameras out of the courtroom so that the American people don’t see what’s happening.” Former federal prosecutor Ron Filipkowski noted in response that “New York has banned cameras in courtrooms since June 30, 1997.” The most important of their lies, though, is that the 2020 presidential election was stolen and that to protect the 2024 election, it is imperative to police the election. This is the same tactic Trump used in 2020, claiming exactly four years ago that “they send in thousands and thousands of fake ballots.” Those lies have resulted in a huge increase in threats against those whom MAGA perceives as an enemy. Danny Hakim, Ken Bensinger, and Eileen Sullivan reported in the New York Times yesterday that last year, threats against federal judges increased 150% over 2019: 450 federal judges were targeted. Since 2018, threats to members of Congress have increased by 50%, with more than 8,000 such threats last year. More than 80% of local officials also say they have been threatened or harassed. MAGA lawmakers refuse to say they will accept the results of the 2024 election. On Saturday, Wisconsin senator Ron Johnson refused to commit to that fundamental tenet of our democracy. On Meet the Press on Sunday, Florida senator Marco Rubio also declined to say he would accept the election results. Those vying for the Republican vice presidential nomination, including North Dakota governor Doug Burgum and South Carolina senator Tim Scott, have refused to say they would accept the results. Their tactics are working among the Republican base. A CBS News/YouGov poll released this weekend showed that only 47% of Arizona Republicans say they will accept the results of the 2024 election no matter who wins. An equal number—47%—say they will challenge the results if the other side wins. That result is not symmetrical with the Democrats: 82% of them say they will accept the results, while only 14% say they will challenge the results if their opponents win. But people are pushing back against the MAGA narrative. On May 15 the Texas Tribune and ProPublica published a story by Jeremy Schwartz about Courtney Gore, a woman who ran for a Texas school board to combat pornography and critical race theory in the schools, only to find there wasn’t any. When she told the public, her former colleagues turned on her. “I’m over the political agenda, hypocrisy bs,” Gore wrote. “I took part in it myself. I refuse to participate in it any longer. It’s not serving our party. We have to do better.” Steve MacLaughlin, a meteorologist for NBC 6 News in Miami, reported on a new law Florida governor Ron DeSantis signed into law last week that will remove references to climate change from state law. “On Thursday, we reported on NBC 6 News that the government of Florida was beginning to roll back really important climate change legislation and really important climate change language in spite of the fact that the state of Florida, over the last couple of years, has seen record heat, record flooding, record rain, record insurance rates, and the corals are dying all around the state,” MacLaughlin said. “The entire world is looking to Florida to lead in climate change, and our government is saying that climate change is no longer the priority it once was. Please keep in mind, the most powerful climate change solution is the one you already have in the palm of your hands: the right to vote. And we will never tell you who to vote for, but we will tell you this: We implore you to please do your research and know that there are candidates that believe in climate change and that there are solutions, and there are candidates that don’t.” On May 17, former lieutenant governor of Georgia Geoffrey Duncan noted on Amanpour & Company that Trump had done less for rural voters than any other president in modern history. “At the end of the day,” he said, “we just cannot get into the business in America of electing dishonest human beings to represent us…. The world’s watching us. I’m hoping we get this right.” Tonight, Sarah Matthews, who was deputy press secretary for the Trump administration, wrote: “Trump’s continued use of Nazi rhetoric is un-American and despicable. Yet too many Americans are brushing off the glaring red flags about what could happen if he returns to the White House. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” — Notes: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/may/19/trump-nra-convention-dallashttps://www.rawstory.com/trump-threat-biden/https://nymag.com/intelligencearticle/the-nra-is-weaker-than-ever-how-much-does-that-matter.htmlhttps://time.com/6979795/trump-receives-nra-endorsement-urges-gun-owners-vote/​​https://apnews.com/article/election-2024-trump-minnesota-4f7ebfe7a2e1949d38a7c9894616a985 https://apnews.com/article/trump-election-2024-rhetoric-germany-antisemitism-31002afb91b642c0314223d19e51f427https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/marco-rubio-joins-republicans-hedging-accepting-election-results-rcna153011 https://presswatchers.org/2024/05/trump-choosing-not-to-testify-in-his-defense-should-be-a-banner-headline/https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/19/us/politics/political-violence.htmlhttps://thehill.com/policy/energy-environment/4675594-florida-meteorologist-ron-desantis-climate-change-roll-back/https://captimes.com/news/elections/top-wisconsin-republicans-mixed-on-accepting-2024-election-results/article_2ae8f1e4-1538-11ef-a217-d7802fd5a882.htmlhttps://www.reuters.com/world/us/donald-trump-fire-up-supporters-nras-annual-us-gathering-2024-05-18/,accepted%20the%20influential%20group's%20endorsement)https://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/archive/2024/05/the-maga-memory-hole/678435/https://www.texastribune.org/2024/05/15/texas-granbury-isd-school-board-courtney-gore/X: BidenHQ/status/1791469492440072359RonFilipkowski/status/1792195770374099083samstein/status/1792188951920361645HueyRey/status/1792635408506912824mkraju/status/1792515853314904293gtconway3d/status/1792548740525363276eddsmitty/status/1792573721615434037atrupastatus/1792626209118884346BidensWins/status/1791609511435714795BidenHQ/status/1792209690664845569BidenHQ/status/1791946911340999113CarlosGSmith/status/1792207611733172238Tim_Walz/status/1791620309105119419BidenHQ/status/1791949552469082444AccountableGOP/status/1791661408641298808SarahAMatthews1/status/1792760772193374274

https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/p/may-20-2024

So to start this off I just want to say I’m aware I’m in no position to feel the way I’m feeling and that I’m toxic and all of this is very messy. Now for the clarity: Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 3 years now going onto 4. Me and him have been through so much together. The first year we dated he had gotten into an accident that left him in the hospital for 3 months. We spent so many nights together there and there were endless obstacles that we had to face along the way. It was a very stressful time period but well needed as me and him have never been closer since. I (21 F) took care of my boyfriend (23M) for about a year afterwards give or take. I got to learn his personality all his likes and dislikes. I’ve seen all the good and the bad and the cute and gross and vise versa. Our feeling grew a lot quicker for each other too as time went on and as we had to work with his new disabilities. All the more things I fell in love with. His determination And willingness to learn and conquer is very inspiring and a clutch for me. Recently as of a year ago I had my own place for the temporary as I was caring for family and trying to help everyone get back on their feet. Prior to I was living with my boyfriend, it was a big place for just 3 people and an interesting experience to say the least. Over time I needed up taking in my best friend of 6 years. He’s always been in and out of my life as his family has moved often and far. Well his father had kicked him out and next thing I know he’s on my couch. I didn’t want to be the asshole and tell him to leave, as the place I was staying in was not actually mine (I was renting and the homeowner was very strict and nasty and didn’t allow guests as she was renting without papers) so I gave him 3 days. I had 2 teenagers in the house that I was caring for without much help beside my boyfriend helping with rides here and there and thankfully some groceries when I asked. My best friend at the time (we’ll call him S) was very willing to go out of his way to help me. I would come home frome 12 hour shifts and the house would be clean and the fridge stocked. He had a very close relationship with the children and hey really looked up to him. He was more than supportive of my rough situation and went from being a 3 day couch-hopper to a huge supporter in my life and a live in roommate. This went on for a month until we had both gotten drunk one night and ended up hooking up. This is where it gets really messed up. This went on for about a month, helping with the kids, being there for me, and providing, all whist my boyfriend was on vacation. The night me and S hooked up my boyfriend was in the Bahamas on my 21’st birthday. I was upset that day and it was just me and S that hung out at home, which led up to everything. I know it’s not any excuse and I’m still trying to work past all my delusions lol. Sooner than later my boyfriend found out and I had to cut ties with S for the sake of my relationship. It’s been about a year since everything has happened and I am back living with my boyfriend and everyone has gone their separate ways. Throughout this year S has been texting me and reaching out to me on social media. I do still miss him and I hate that everything happened the way it did and all ended with us no longer speaking because he was my best friend for years prior to. I miss not having to not ask for help and I miss the relationship with the kids being strong without me having to push anything between anyone or be encouraging. With S I never had to ask for anything he just knew what had to be done. He knew what I needed. There’s also in bewteens I got from him that I don’t get with my boyfriend and I hate that cause my boyfriend IS the person that knows me better than anyone else. Since his accident though his life now has limitations. He’s not as cuddly as he once was and can no longer be rough or play fight and none the less have proper intercourse anymore. There’s just been a lot surrounding everything and now since I’ve had a year to reflect I. Have realized that I miss S and all those little things. I still love my boyfriend and since he had left me the one time(he left me for a month) after finding out between me and S… I have never wanted to feel that feeling like I was going to loose him ever again. I’m to emotionally attached to him and he’s a wonderful person. I know I’m just fucked up lol. I did text S back at one point and he told me how he felt used and I apologized as much I could but I know that my sorry will never pick up the pieces for him. me and S had each others backs during everything and always have I hate that he hates me now cause I could never feel that way towards him ever. He told me he had fucked 4 other girls the time we were talking and hooked up and that he now has a girl friend that he’s trying to work things out with . She’s already aware of me as he told her and she asked that he don’t ever contact me ever again. He still tries to text me on social media and even goes out Of his way to get updates from my family . I know we both still care about eachother and I still love him but I hate doing everything from a distance and out of each others lives but we both also still have resentment for one another and let alone in committed relationships. So now I’ve been suffocating in thoughts lol I’ve been so confused as to Why everything even happened but I also hate the thought that I miss it. This is just a vent post and if you read this far I really appreciate the time being taken out of your day or night and any advice would help🥺❣️

So I've been radio silent, but I'm kinda back now. This is the beginning of my rewrite for this fic. Unfortunately I'm gonna take a bit to make the next part, this is due to me being part of the ficnnap. So future parts are gonna take a while to get going, hopefully I'll be functional enough to sit down during the summer and write a bunch.
Anyhow, I hope you enjoy the fic. Any feedback would be nice :).
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`Psionic Imprint Subject: Elias Meier, Exhausted Director'
Date [standardized Human time]: June 27th, 2136
Humanity learned it was not alone in the year of 2015, when it was viscously attacked by a hostile alien force intent on colonizing Earth. But humanity fought back, with the formation of XCOM. For the first time in the entirety of human history, Humanity stood as one. And we won, barely and not without consequences. Countries fell apart, or were briefly colonized; or in the case of Advent, for a couple decades.
Of course there was also the aliens that were invading. After some time it was found out that all of them of them were enslaved, controlled and distorted by the Elders.
Or Ethereals if you wanted to be pedantic. God I have had enough of pedantic people.
After a few tense decades, the aliens had slowly filtered into human society. The Vipers forming Sisterhoods, Mutons forming tribes, Sectoids getting into everything, Andromedas forming a haven for their people, and Chryssalids... once thought to be a dying race, surging back to life in 2077 and becoming a horrendous problem for everybody. There were a couple others but I couldn't be bothered to remember them.
Ding a little ring tone sounded, reminding me of my wretched job. I groaned, and waved my hand. I heard a dial up sound, as the system connected. Finally it connected, and one of the voices I dreaded hearing started speaking.
A monotone male voice, the voice of an emotionless thing created by XCOM to make death. "Hello Meier. I have a report, Wraith unit sent to System Gliese-832c has returned. A sapient alien civilization has been discovered. It is not what we expected though."
Wonderful, great even... God this is gonna be a whole thing to handle.
"Explain Odin, I will have to schedule a meeting about this new discovery."
"I have sent a data packet to your computer, which you would see if you looked at it sir"
How the fuck has he developed sarcasm? Has he always had this quirk or did he create it just to personally fuck with me?
I sighed and spun my chair around, away from the great view of my office window. The office I was trapped in was decently sized, the large desk with two 57 inch monitors on each side. The room was 10 feet tall, and 20 feet from door to window, and 12 feet wide. There was a seating area with two couches and a coffee table. A large drink cabinet flanked by two busts on pedestals, and a foyer sitting on the opposite wall flanked by tall standing plant pots with ferns. The entrance was double doors that looked like wood, but were actually plasma and explosive shielded metal doors.
On the left monitor was a display of the planet baring alien life. It was tidally locked, and was inhabited by... sheep, literal fucking sheep. Course they had paws instead of hooves and had no nose but still, literally just fucking sheep. They were apparently called Venlil. They had a decent population, and were part of a larger federation with an unknown number of species. They were at war with 7-8 feet tall nazi space crocodiles, and were deathly afraid of anything "predatory".
I glanced at a small box that appeared, it was an addendum by Dr. Valhen regarding the Venlil. It was a hypothesis regarding their physiology.
Experimental Codex Simulations put them at a 21.53% chance of surviving to a century with current physiology. Likely hood of genetic modification to weaken species at 71.89%.
The addendum pointed out the knocked knees, and the absence of a nose being the most likely areas of modification. I quirked an eyebrow up. I know Dr. Valhen had experience tearing open modified aliens and modifying people at an extreme levels. But still this had to be stretch.
"I have done my own calculations sir, and I have come to the same conclusion as Dr. Valhen sir." I stared pointedly at my monitors before sighing and rubbing my face.
Hmmm whom do I trust more? The mad scientist that walks around in several different metal bodies, or the psychopathic Codex who was created to be unnaturally good at killing. Hmmm good question... how about neither and say fuck it.
"OK Odin. Would you kindly contact the rest of the board and notify them about an emergency meeting?"
"Of course sir, I have already notified them about the scheduled meeting."
... Fucking prick. Oh well if I'm going to be sitting through a meeting I'm going to atleast drink some of the piss flavored water called vodka to pretend I can get drunk.
I stood up and walked over to the drink cabinet. A small round drone that was more of a floating camera came out of the ceiling and followed me. I opened up the cabinet and selected the highest proof alcohol I could find. After popping the bottle and grabbing a shot glass I walked back to my desk. Sitting down as an encrypted channel lit up my right side screen. I pressed on it and poured a shot, the small camera drone hovering in front of me just beyond the desk. The right monitor lit up as 6 people connected.
The Heads of Military, Research and Development, and Diplomatic Affairs were all in the meeting. Dr. Tygan and Dr. Shen heads of R&D, General Zhao and General Kelly heads of Military, Ms. Clark and Mr. Freeman heads of Diplomatic Affairs.
Dr. Tygan didn't look a day over 30, even though he was older than myself. His white coat looked immaculate, and his glasses clean. But his posture and eyes spoke of a man who was debating falling over asleep or shooting someone in the face. Dr. Shen had safety gear on, his clothing stained by machine fluids and sweat. He looked more alive in his 40's than Tygan, and behind him was a scene of a bustling space yard. General Zhao was prim and proper, his posture rigid and his face completely neutral. General Kelly looked to be in a ships captain quarters, his General uniform replaced with a mandatory protective jumpsuit. He looked like he was just woken up, a steaming cup of coffee sitting before him. Ms. Clark and Mr. Freeman looked... normal, they had proper uniforms on and looked like they had been working for a while but still had plenty of energy.
I shot the glass back then looked back at the drone, which had moved to be above the monitor. "So... I have received a report from Odin, and it is the reason for this meeting. Have any of you received the report as well and viewed the contents?"
Dr. Shen squinted at something behind the camera, before bending back and nodding. "Yeah I glanced at it, doesn't really affect my operations honestly. Besides I doubt that they could even get close to the OCDM. That thing can wipe out all kinds of stuff. "
Ms. Clark palmed her face, an exasperated look on it. "Could we not immediately discuss killing these new extraterrestrials? For all we know they number in the hundreds of species, or dozens. Not to mention we do not know the full extent of their technology. They could be much more powerful than us for all we know!"
General Zhao spoke up, a dismissive look to his face. "I have already run through some of the internal information of the Wraith unit. It appears that they have relatively the same level of technology as us. In fact they are actually inferior in some areas. For instance they practically have no cybersecurity. We could shut down their whole planet with a button press."
Ms. Clark groaned as she put her face in her hands. Mr. Freeman just leaned back looking tired. He raised a hand, a ding from the system notifying that he had a question. "Have we attempted to secure a direct access to their network? The more we know about these aliens the better. For all we know they have plans on dealing with "predatory" aliens. We could be signing the death certificate of humanity if we don't investigate more."
Clark looked up with shock and anger. "Yo-you can't be serious Mr. Freeman?! We haven't even attempted communication with these people and you're already planning on spying on them?! We should talk to them first, not just assume they are gonna be murderous!"
Everyone else on the meeting glanced around, the unsaid thing hanging in the air. Clark was very new to the board, and had grown up in New Russia. One of the European countries with the most amount of aliens. Everyone else had either only interacted with aliens as acquaintances, or killed them. Not to mention that XCOM was literally formed with the intention of pushing an invading alien empire off Earth. It had a long and bloody history with aliens, not to mention some of the things that it had done to aliens in service to Humanity.
General Kelly just sighed as he took a long sip of his coffee. Putting it down he crossed his hands in front of him. "We're getting off track people. We need to decide our course of action moving forward with these Venlil and their allies. I would recommend sending a civilian science vessel alongside two Avengers and a Hammer. The Hammer ship can operate in Stealth mode in the alien system, while the Avengers act like Cargo Ships. This allows us to put on a good face while still ensuring that our assets will be protected."
There was nodding across the board, everyone seemed to reluctantly agree on something for once. Then they all stared at their cameras, obviously waiting for myself. I sighed and poured another shot. "I concur with Kelly's plan, but I would also like to have Mothership Valhala on standby with Fleet Alpha. I would like you Kelly to command it, if you are too busy General Zhao will command instead."
Kelly and Zhao looked shocked by what I said. But they both donned neutral faces quickly afterwards. Zhao raised a hand, the system dinged signaling that he had a question. "May I ask why you are requesting this? Last time I actively commanded was for Operation Living Mausoleum and we all know how that turned out."
I shot back the glass and pointed at the camera. "That Operation was fucked from the very beginning. There was jack shit you could've done to prevent the casualties that occurred. Not to mention that you can't compare yourself to the Commander, he was inhumanly good at what he did. Hell from what I hear the man could practically see into the future. So quit it, stop beating yourself up over it. You're one of the greatest generals I've ever had the pleasure of working alongside with."
Zhao's face briefly clouded with a dark brooding look as I talked. But when I finished it lit up in surprise. He must still be beating himself up over that shit operation. I still remember reading the reports and feeling afraid about the future of XCOM. But thankfully Valhen managed to control the damn thing, and Diplomatic Affairs quelled the fires that had started from it.
"This meeting is concluded. Get back to whatever you all are doing." One by one the channel sent quiet. Tygan just stared into space, a vacant look on his face. "Tygan? Tygan!" He jumped in his seat, finally coming to. He took off his glasses and rubbed his face. "Tygan... it's getting worse... you really should reconsider your stance."
He looked up, a fire in his eyes. He put his glasses back on, tapping his fingers as he did so. "Well I won't. I'm not gonna stoop down to Valhen's level of depravity. The procedure is completely experimental and for all I know it's a miracle that I'm even still alive. I am almost 200 years old. If my mind is finally failing then so be it. I have played God long enough."
He left the channel right afterwards, only for another person to appear. It was Dr. Valhen and she had no camera feed. All I could see was a noise graph. "Meier... I would like to... make a... request- demand... I would like to attend the mission."
I slammed the shot glass on the table. "Absolutely not, I don't care what you're reason is. My final and only answer will be no. So kiss my ass, and go back to cutting apart death row inmates and war criminals."
…After a few seconds of silence and the graph not moving, it started laughing. That laugh told me more than enough. "Oh Meier, naughty naughty Meier... keeping me away from the new toys? How cruel of you... forgive me... I will honor your request..."
She... it left the channel. I closed it up, and spun my chair around. The window allowed me to view the Appalachian Mountains in all their splendor. In the distance I could see the camo fields of ships shifting as they moved about. I stared at the bottle before corking it and walking back to the cabinet.
This is gonna be an absolute shitshow. For all we knew we are boldly striding towards a war that will be the end of humanity once and for all.
End of Imprint
[Next]

Hi I wasn't quite sure who to speak to about this so I decided to use a burner account.
So I 18F have known this guy, 18M (let's call him Connor) since we were kids. Like we have known each other since birth. Now Connor and I live about an hour away from each other and our families used to meet up a bit when we were younger. However, about 5 years ago or so our mums fell out and so we didn't see each other for 5 years. Yet a few months ago, my grandma died and as Connor's mum and my grandma were quite close. We actualy ended up meeting up because we went to visit my grandpa on the same day thatConnor went to the same area to see a play (of a GCSE text that he studies). When our families met up I was actualy taken by surprise, I remembered Connor a bit form when I was younger but of course he was all grown up now and so different than my memory. Not that I'd admit it in my teenage embarrassment but I found Connor really quite cute and after dinner, we went on a small walk round the village to just talk because we were around the same age and our parents went off to get ice cream. We talked about our schools (him going to an all boys school and ke just a public one) and how different they were. I really enjoyed talking to Connor and so when he asked if I had snapchat I of course said yes. Before this I didn't use it like at all. I didn't have any snapstreaks and only had it installed. But after this we kept on talking every day and it was really quite nice to have a friends a friends I spoke to every day.
However at some point my friend, Braleigh (17F but 18 in 2 days) found out about Connors existence because I think my friends spoke about him because ethey kept on teasing him about me (they asked what I did at the weekend and when I said I met a family friend they all made innuendos). Now Braleigh and I hadn't been friends very long but she enjoyed teasing me about Connor but after begging for weeks, I finally showed a photo of him to her and her friends (My first mistake). She said he was ugly and I couldn't really defend him because at this point I hadn't even accepted the crush myself. So time progressed and at some point around Christmas, Connor asked me to give her snaochat to me because he enjoyed teasing her when on my phone. I didn't want to but he said something like "come on don't be boring" and I stupidly accepted.
Now one thing you need to know about Braleigh is she is very good at trying to message guys. No offence to her but she isn't the most attractive but she gives attention to many guys (even in lower years) and is very well experienced. Up until this point she had been in a relationship for about a month with her first boyfriend (now ex) in the year above.
Now I wa strally worried when driving home and when he began to give slower response times than usual I began to get really worried that he was messaging her back and not me (ehich he's fine to fo its his life) but I was in denial about my feelings at this point. Now my family ended up visiting his a few weeks later just after Christmas and ge said he blocked her and we even got into an argument about him not long before. She aid I was acting "stroppy" and ignoring her (she was talking about a time I felt really sick and wanst speaking to anyone just sat with my head in my hands). She said "fine I'll block him" and I thought that was that. She playfully joked about sharing his snapchat to the people in my school because they were all interested about this "Mystery Connor, [my] boyfriend." No matter how often I told them we weren't dating, they didn't drop it (mainly because I'm not really attractive and am not really expected to find love)
Time skip to a few weeks ago. Braleigh and I fell out because some of her friends were gossiping about her behind her back. One of her friends said that it was awkward in lesson when I gave her ex-boyfriemd (This is Braighleigh's second and they had been going out for a month and a half give or take). I said yeah but wanted wanted to drop it because she'd already said the same thing in the lesson and I didn't think it wa say of our business. Now some people started calling her a slag and I think unintentionally U said something that supported that (which I would never want it to be my intention) but two days later she ended up sending me loads of accusatory texts. Now I said to her that I didn't say anything like that and it's mone of my business about her relationships. But a day later she said "why did you lie" and I just didn't want want get involved and said well I'm confused now but I'm sorry. I don't think it's best if we hang out for a bit etc. (Which is fine because she isn't even in my main group of friends she was just a good friend I had outside of that). She said good and a thought that was it. However, the next day at school, she started standing really close to me and my friends where we were stood, talking (like half a meter, it was concerning) and I could see her constantly turning to look at me in teh corner of my eye. I just ignored ignored because I'm sure it would blow over. Yet next week, a friend if mine said oh at Braighlrigh was gossiping about you behind your back. And I said well that's annoying yet she's being hippocritcial is that's what she claimed I did but oh well, it didn't affect me directly, she can do what she wants. I continued to ignore her because eif she wanted to talk then she can approach me but U have other, better friends so uts fine. I haven't spoken about her once (not yo her friends or anyone else) and it really was a thing of out of sight, out of mind situation.
Cut to today where Connor snaps me saying, somethings happening. I said in what way? He said Braghleigh added me... I said OK... and he said that she told him all of what happened and he wasn't picking sides yet. Which kind of annoyed me because me falling out with Braigheigh has nothing to do with him and now she's dragging in out. So I told him, you're great but it has nothing to to with you. And he agreed. But I can't say that I went into a shop with my family and just started stressing (to the point where tears started started fall unwillingly). And I began to feel sick. This only happened once before when Braighleigh said Connor looked fit in a photo and whilst I felt sick for the rest of the day I also pushed it to the back of my mind because she was in a relationship.
Now I know that I can't control either of their actions, they're both poeple in their own right because U really know what I want to do. I want to move on from this guy that I'm left crying over but can't seem to do it. Like I don't know what to do and haven't even been in a situation where I've liked a guy like this or this much. It genuinely make some feel ill and don't know what to do. Could someone give advice. Please and thank you :)

I was asleep one night with my boyfriend, and I woke up to him trying to make advances to which I told him no, I was too tired and wanted to sleep. He stopped for a while and the next thing I remember he was inside of me. It did not feel comfortable for me at all and at this point he says “I know when someone doesnt want to f***.”, pulls out and rolls over. My boyfriend is aware of previous sexual assault Ive experienced in the past, so we’ve had discussions about consent and any other time I decline he does not proceed. I dont know what was different this time.. but anyway I felt really confused about it as someone who has gone through sexual abuse in my previous relationship and as a child from a family member, and I stopped having sex with my partner to try to work through it on my own- and also because I just could not get myself to feel aroused after the incident. It gave me flashbacks. I opened up to my therapist about my experience, and she said “let me first say hes not wrong. well, he probably shouldnt have done that but thats what people in relationships do. his behavior isnt odd and he isnt wrong. in relationships people have sex.” to which i said “even when i expressed i didnt want to and didnt give consent?” she said “yes. what he did wasnt wrong, because he’s your boyfriend.” She even laughed at some ppints trying to make jokes, telling me not to ruin my relationship just because “of my past trauma.” Then she says we will move on to another topic of my trauma next week. Basically, youre overreacting, dont ruin the relationship, and next subject. I almost self harmed today because of the cold things she said to me. i dont know how i feel right now.

I recently got off the pill, and since then my periods have come back with a vengeance. I'm talking bleeding through clothes, horrible cramps, bloating, acne, all the stuff I had blissfully escaped when on birth control. It's also made me a total wimp when these symptoms come on, as I haven't had to deal with them in years.
My boyfriend planned a really cute date on his day off. We were going to go thrifting downtown, which I love to do. However, it was really hot outside and I was at the apex of my period. Within an hour, I thought I was going to faint. All I wanted was to put on sweats and crawl into bed.
I eventually told him that I didn't feel good, and he asked if we could stop in two more stores before leaving. I don't think he realized just how bad my cramps were. By the time we got to the subway, he said we should skip the train and just walk to the next station because it was "a quick 15 minutes."
I almost burst into tears. Long story short, we took the train and went straight home. I threw on pjs, crawled into bed and instantly felt better. Then I fell asleep for two hours while he read. When I woke up he asked if I felt better, and then wanted to go out again. I think he saw the utter fear on my face because he then said we could stay in and watch tv.
He never complained, but I just feel absolutely awful that I got this sick. I'm not even sure if this is a rant or what. Just needed to get it off my chest.

I apologize in advance for the length of this thread, but by far this is the user that wrote the most comments in the video of our song. At first, he suggested Scepter and Reign, but he debunked this lead by saying: "Scepter and Reign can be crossed off. I have been corresponding with the lady whose name is mentioned in the legal document, Naomi (first name used with her permission, and only her first name) since Thursday. She was legitimately shocked her name was on the document because in all these years NOBODY ever contacted her regarding it. She thinks they may have realized how much money it would cost and probably withdrew. She knew both bands fairly well, scale of 1-10 she answered "6.5 maybe 7'ish". She designed 1 "logo" for each band that was literally just a sketch she made with their band names on them she could print out in the Xerox store she worked at. Scepter's original name was actually "Dungeon Master" but they changed it to fit their name on her design. As for the abandoned demo from Scepter, she said they abandoned it because they couldn't afford to produce it. They didn't even make it far enough to name their 3 or 4 songs. So, on to the big question, are either bands involved with this song? According to her both bands came out in 1985, and according to her this "The Falling King" song predates both bands by a year or 2. This is not Scepter or Reign, this song is older than both bands. According to her, she first heard this song on a Detroit station while visiting family. Even back then, the Detroit station personnel had absolutely NO CLUE who this was. She remembers her father making fun of the singers accent claiming it was a "Posh" accent and also used to think the lyric was "The fall, the fall in the king" lol. I explained how this song was recorded off of several stations in 1987 and she replied "How many songs do you hear on the radio that are several years old?". She was stumped this was played on Z-Rock because this does not sound like an amateur band to her. She is not the only person to make comments that this does not sound like an amateur band, this sounds professionally recorded and produced, something EXTREMELY few amateugarage bands could have done. I thought i had something, but at least i tried. By the way, apparently Reign still performs in the Pittsburgh area under the name "Metallic Thunder"." (THIS IS HIS LATEST COMMENT) If this is true, it means our search will be even more difficult.
In one of his earliest comments he said this: "My 2 oldest sisters (born in 1970 and 1972) actually remember this song being played by garage bands and local talents in the Coatesville PA area. However, they both swear on mom and dads ashes that the first time they heard this song, a local music festival in Exton PA, I was NOT born yet (I was born in 1984). Even back then nobody could say who it was or what the title was. In fact the one band from Downingtown PA used to refer to it as "The Dungeons and Dragons song". And by that i mean, according to my sisters the lead singers girlfriend (or his sister....they could never tell?) would be in the crowd and when they were ready to end their performance she would shout "Play the Dungeons and Dragons song". My sisters also remember the adults thinking this song was somehow a promotional thing for the PA Renaissance Fair. Unfortunately they cannot offer any clues to the identity of this band or songs title, their guess, back then and still today, was Manowar."
At first, he claims our band is Manowar, explaining: "I do not think Manowar is an obscure band, nor do my sisters. The "obscure" bands mentioned in my postings are all the local garage/amateur bands that they remember playing this song and most of those garage/amateur bands even back then, along with my sisters, were under the impression this was a Manowar song. Many people, not just on this post but others feel this is Manowar "pitch" song, other bands thrown around have been Iron Maiden, Overdrive (Or Overkill, i'm not sure if it's the same band?), Blackmane, Axis and Cirith Ungol (spelling?). Keep this in mind, it's not that uncommon for mainstream/well known bands to have unreleased music in their "library". A good example, ask the most diehard Rammstein fans what their first song ever was, they'll probably answer Du Recht So Gut or Rammstein. Most people have never heard their 1992-1993 pitch song, "Tier" (Monster, beast). In fact, Till Linderman himself stated in 2018 he was unaware Tier was ever recorded by anyone, yet alone put up on the internet. Like this "Fall of the King" song, "Tier" was toted as an mystery song for years but was in a group of 4 or 5 other songs that Rammstein did but never released. One of my favorite bands, Corvus Corax, actually had something similar happen, a song they did back in the early 90's, "Vampire", opening for another band was recorded by a fan in the audience and made rounds on the Neo Folk community ages later. Corvus Corax themselves heard it on a radio station in Denmark roughly 2009'ish and called them asking how and when they got that song because they NEVER recorded it for public use. Personally i cannot give a wager who this is? I am not that good with this genre so i go with what people older than me and much better with this music say. To me it could be Manowar, something they never intended to be released publicly, it could be the Z'Rose a bunch of people feel it is, it could be Overdrive/Overkill (i do not know if these names are the same band or 2 separate ones?), it could be me time traveling impersonating my great uncle Fred......ok that last one was just meant to be a joke lol." Then someone says: "has your sister contacted erik to see about the the song?" and he says "OH HELL NO!!! They haven't spoken since they broke up in 1991-1992. I did reach out to his brother probably a year ago and never heard back."
He suggests it's either Manowar or Sarissa (he mispelled them): "@aSome1 There's some confusion, my sisters never said Z'Rose was playing the song in our hometown area. Local teenage to early college yrs bands were playing it. They recognized this song when I was on a family Zoom chat, i had this song on in the background (by accident actually lol) and my oldest sister (#1 born in '70) asked what i was listening to. I turned it up and she shook her head and asked the other sister (#2 born in '72) "Oh my gosh isn't that that stupid Manowar song Erik and his brother used to play all the time?". Erik was the name of her high school boyfriend. They remember hearing it first at an amateur music fest when my brother (born in '82) was still a baby. Mainly they remember mom fitting all of them in her old "Batmobile" station wagon. By the time i was born in '84 that station wagon was gone for at least several months. The band names they specifically remember playing this, and keep in mind these were "Garage bands" from the 80's were: Venomous Vomit, Razors in your Coffee (Erik's band), Ash to Ash, Cauldron Kings, Coven of Metal, Pridesville, South of Hell and Purgatory. They said there were a few more, but didn't remember....or care....to know their names. (Disclaimer: Several peoples associated with those mentioned bands have been contacted by me and several have replied.....the most common reply is "How the hell do you know us!?" lol)
"I have actually been looking at this song for almost 3yrs. I've had some "good leads" and some "bad leads" and i've also had "WTF leads".......but at the end it is still unsolved. So far the biggest contenders, from people way better with this music than me (I'm more a symphonic or extreme metal person) have been: Manowar, Iron Maiden, OverDrive, Overkill, Onslaught of Destruction and Sonic Mahem. My sisters really believe it is possibly an unreleased or "pitch demo" of Manowar but they also said it might be a Greek band from the early 80's called Sarassa or something like that?"
Then he denies it's Z-Rose: "@lostwavefinder587 I have seen that name tossed around a lot on forums and random chats (this being one of them). Most people way smarter and better with this music than myself seem to have the opinion that it is not Z'Rose. They range in reason from: the equipment sound professional and they were not, the dates don't add up, Z'Rose only did covers so even it is them in the recordings it's still not their song.....one individual (a supervisor at work who lived in Texas during this time frame) actually said "Z'Rose wouldn't have been sober enough to finish that song". I have only heard 1 Z'Rose recording, and unfortunately the person who recorded it (I think the date says 1989?) spends the majority of the 5 minute video talking during the performance so all i hear is them and not the singer. I have to emphasize about %99 of this info i'm presenting is NOT from me but people who know this genre of music way better than me....i'm more Symphonic metal and neo folk (Corvus Corax, Heilung, Faun etc."
"Out of curiosity, since a lot people think this might be Z'Rose, has anyone contacted the family/families of Nick or Joe Cavazos? My "team" is looking into a blog page from 2018 of a pretty intense exchange between a blogger and a woman who is believed to be "Rocker Joe's daughter. In this exchange she states this song is NOT her dad and uncle's band. But it gets pretty rough because the blogger keeps pressing and let's just say some NSFW language is exchanged. I will only say this, the woman's name does match one of the names in Julio "Joe" Cavazos obituary, but they can't tell if it is actually HER or someone posing. I also find it interesting that in another posting of this song someone is claiming to be the nephew of both Nick and Joe.....but about a dozen people ask about this song and he does not answer them......but someone else will ask something unrelated to this song and he answers??"
"About a year ago on another posting of this song, someone had a link to a conversation with a woman who was allegedly Joe Cavazos daughter. She very adamantly denied this was her dads band, Z'Rose. They person kept pressing her and she did not budge a single inch, "NO, its not my dad's band". The only thing that could be confirmed was the woman's name did match a name in Julio "Joe" Cavazos obituary as his daughter. But if it was her or not I can't say? Many peoples on other postings and on forums have all claimed to have gotten in contact with Z'Rose and stated they responded "No" to this being theirs.
So the "Kings Fall" song by Bernard Cavazos is actually a completely different song. He is also not related to the Z'Rose Cavazos. Somewhere I read that the "Kings Fall"/"Fallen King" song by Bernard Cavazos is about a corrupt politician or mafia like "king" not an actual king. Again none of this is from me, it's from things I read, not me.
When 'Wang' did a video about several mystery songs he included this one. In his video (I don't know if he made more than one?) he talked about how that Bernard Cavazos has been contacted and has denied this is his Fall of the King song. If my memory is correct Wang read a message from him explaining his "king" was a corrupt politician or gang leader like king. Wang also mentioned there was another Bernard Cavazos who was a doctor and he is sick and tired of people contacting him about this song"
Someone that replied to him said:
"@CharlesMarkward probably this tape recording was an attempt from them to make something of their own, many bands have started this way, an example is the Brazilian power metal band Angra, they were first meant to be an Iron Maiden tribute but as things went by, they have decided to release things of their own...I couldn't find anything about this "Z'Rose" band in metal-archives, neither at Google with a simple research, but the data gathered until this moment make sense: the Z Rock radio is from Texas, the so called "Z'Rose" band is also from Texas, it was the 80's, so, without internet, this was the way bands used to promote their work...but your story adds some drifts from this sensible data available until now...they are/were from Texas, ok...but until then, they weren't any big group, which means they were probably 9 to 5 salarymen whose musician activity was on weekends and the money earned wasn't enough to keep up with, so, a trip from TX to PA is a long ranged one and expensive for their then standards, I can remember when I've read the Mick Wall's Metallica biography, in which they highlight how hard was for them to go all the way from CA to NY to record Kill em' All, well, unless someone sponsored the so called "Z'Rose from Texas" (like the Zazula couple to Metallica) to play in the events you've mentioned in PA...which means they were good and had potential (this "mysterious recording" doesn't let me lie), because it takes a lot for someone at the other eastern extreme of a big country like the USA to call someone all the way from TX to play in an event when probably there were good bands around and without the need of a sponsorship to travel and get some place to sleep and eat..."
Therefore Charles says: "Also, i am not the one saying it's not them. People much better with much more access to metal archives/records are saying it's not them. BUT, everything you said makes perfect sense to me and I have no argument against any of it. It would make perfect sense if it was a possible pitch demo Z'Rose recorded and kept along for a few years before a station played it. My sisters are %98 certain it was a Manowar song, the only other band they mentioned as a possibility is a Greek band i can't find anything about called something like Sarassa??"
Someone told him to contact Erik: "A little bit ago someone in here suggested i contact my sisters ex and ask where he got this song. I could not get a hold of him, but i did get in contact with his brother he played with. According to the brother they got the song from their aunt who lived in Philly (Center City) and would send them tapes of songs to play. This song was on a tape sandwiched between "4 or 5" Manowar songs. He specifically remembered this for 2 reasons: 1, their aunt wrote "Killing of the king by No Name" and 2, the last song on the this tape was labled as a Venom song (he did not recall which) but was actually "Melody of Love" by Bobby Vinton😂. So i think this is why my sisters keep saying it's Manowar, because if it was on a tape with a bunch of their songs that chances are they heard a crapload of times?"
He contacted Erik's brother (Erik is supposedly the ex boyfriend of one of his sisters) and received this reply: "Erik's brother returned another email I sent about this song. I made a post about it about a week ago. The brother says their aunt who lived in Philly included this song on a mix tape of stuff for him and his brother to play. This song was sandwiched between several Manowar songs and the last song on the tape was supposed to be a Venom song but was actually Bobby Vinton's "Melody of Love" 🤣"
Therefore debunking the possibility it's a Manowar song, he also adds: "She (the aunt) passed in 2014. She would record songs off the radio for them. She lived in Philly (Center City) but also had a place in Florida, so he was never sure which cities radio stations she would record from. This song she wrote "Killing the King?" As the title and "???" as the band name, but it was between several Manowar songs. I think this might be why my oldest sisters are so insistent this is a Manowar song because they may have listened to it with Erik and his brother.....it's a theory lol"
He also thought of Iced Earth as the possible band: "lostwavefinder587 I immediately thought of Iced Earth when I heard this song. Although it's likely just a coincidence, it's interesting to note that Iced Earth was originally called "The Rose".
Someone said to him: "if that's any help, the Greek band's name you're talking about is probably Sarissa. I don't think it's them, though: the vox sound kinda different, and their songs are mostly Ancient Greece-themed." And he replied: "Yes, thank you! All this time I've been spelling it wrong. I gave a quick listen to a demo of theirs from '86. In terms of sound and beat and tempo etc, they are pretty close to this song. In terms of vocals, they sound nothing alike." Therefore, he debunked Sarissa himself.
Now here he changed his version and provides a new lead given by his sisters:
"Holy crap for some reason my last post got cut in half and didn't include the following info, sorry! So the individual i spoke to and got the new possible lead is the former singer of the one band my sisters mentioned, Purgatory, (i do NOT have his permission to use his real name but his stage name was Tarantula). He confirmed he played this song "once or twice" but didn't know the lyrics so they just repeated several "blocks" over and over again. He heard it from a band in NJ and when he asked if he could use the song they replied along the lines of "It's not our song, we don't care" but gave no indication who it was or they even knew who it was? He suggested the band "Knightmare" because they were from Texas and he remembers all of their songs being medieval or medieval fantasy related. Supposedly they wore what looked like full on plate armor (he does not know if it was actual metal armor or something made to look like it). He saw them perform a handful of times because he spent summers in Texas on his grandfathers (mistakenly said uncle in my last post, sorry) ranch and would sneak off at night to "the metal scene" (i do not know if that was a club name or if he just meant that in general?). He began visiting his grandfathers ranch in 1980 and stopped when his grandfather retired in 1992. He gave an estimated timeline for "Knightmare" of 1981-1989."
He corrects himself by saying they are not called "Knightmare": Interestingly, my supervisor at work lived in Texas during this timeline (roughly mid 70's to mid 90's from what i can gather?) and when I asked him about Knightmare he had no idea. But when i mentioned they dressed up like knights in armor he suddenly looked startled and said "That wasn't their name, their name was Battle Battalion or some s*** like that".
But then he says: "So i posted a few months ago about this song, my sisters remember garage bands in the area playing this… I checked every band called Knightmare on Metal Encyclopedia and it doesn’t look like it’s our band." "Forgive my French.....Damn. I thought maybe it could have been a lead but i guess like dozens of others I've come across, dead end. I did a quick search for Knightmare a few weeks ago and I got all excited i saw one band dressed up like monks or Druids, but that band only came out in 2017. I think it's safe to say the name has been used by many bands."
Then someone asks him: "Does the name "Battle Battalion" show up on any Metal "pedia" sites? That's what my supervisor claims this "dressed up in medieval armor" bands name was?" and another one told him: "I saw some bands with Battalion on the metal encyclopedia and discogs and none of them are our band. I don’t think we should go based on what a band wears as our lead."
Then he debunks the Knightmare (and the Conquest) lead: "So a little bit ago i mentioned a band name "Knightmare" as a possibility for this song. Well the band was actually called "KnyghtBlyde" (Knight Blade) and i got in contact with the daughter of the vocalist last night. I played this song for her and after some confliction/hesitation she said it is NOT her dad. The biggest thing was all of her dads songs were based of Aruthurian lore and filled with references to Camelot, Arthur, Morgana, Lancelot, Excalibur etc. Since this song has none of that, its not them. She has no idea who this is. I did a quick search "Conquest 80's metal band Texas" and found 3 results. Conquest from San Antonio, split in either '85 or '87. Conquest from Dallas, '86 - '90. Khan'quest (possibly same band as Khanquistador?), no location given but split up in '88 then reformed in 2000 then......nothing? I could not find anything about any of their songs or demos or releases or band members. But it's obvious I was thinking of the wrong Conquest bands 😂 Conquest was ruled out. Someone who owns the tape was contacted and told us this isn't them."
And he says the singer of KnyghtBlade is convinced this song is from Battallion:
"So a little bit ago I mentioned getting in contact with KnyghtBlyde singers daughter who states that this is NOT her dad. She contacted me this morning, her father thinks this song might be by a band called Battalion. But her father said Battalion also went by the name AAA, Anti Aircraft Assault (or Artillery) in their early days. According to her father AAA/Battalion were from Texas but at least 2 of their members were originally from Chicago. Has anyone ever heard of either Battalion or AAA, Anti Aircraft Assault? The closest I can say is my one supervisor at work mentioned a band Battle Battalion from Texas when he lived there."
Then someone replies to him: "you are right there is a band named Battalion formed in 1984" He says: "I cannot find a single piece of music from this particular "Battalion"? From what I could find they formed between 1983 and 1985, split, reformed under a few possible names, split, repeat. 2 people I asked did say they remember a band of some sort from "out west" Anti Aircraft A-something, but neither could give any info."
Now here, he suggests it could be a Talon song:
"So here's a potential lead for everyone: I was just playing this song for a friend who is obsessed with all metal music. She asked me "Where did you get that Talon song?" Talon was/is a German heavy metal band from the early 80's that released several demos and full on albums between '83-'89. Almost all of there songs were medieval themed, especially their 2 demos. Herr's the thing, they supposedly have 3 unnamed tracks from both demos, one allegedly called "King Slayer". I listened to a bunch of there songs and I have to say there are several songs where the singer sounds exactly like our mystery singer, but then the next song they sound nothing alike. There was one song called something like "Execution" that the opening guitar sounds like this songs opening only slower? I'm not saying it is Talon, but it is possibly something to look into or at least consider?"
He also claimed the singer sounds like Bruce Dickinson (which has been suggested many times):
"I've said many times that I personally feel this vocalist sounds extremely close to Bruce Dickinson. There is a clip of Bruce singing Tom Jones' "Delilah" on either a talk or game show, and his opening of that song is nearly identical to this Fall of the King vocals! Tone, tempo, cadence, pitch......it's really really on spot. I am NOT saying it is Bruce, I'm just saying whoever it is does a good job singing like him."
He says this song could be made by Eviscerator:
"Hello again everyone, has anyone ever heard of a band from Britain, late 70's through late 80's called "Eviscerator"? Very very long story short: I played this song at a Viking/Pagan/Neo-Folk/Black Metal "bar" about half a mile up the road from my place and the one patron who looked like Elvira and Lilith Bathory had a daughter together (HOT HOT HOT) comes over and asked me to replay it and she sang along with the recording with about %95 accuracy! Oddly, at the end after the 4 or 5 "The Fall of the King"s, she suddenly sang "The evil one now wears the crown, all hail the evil one" and head banged for a few moments. According to her, this song was by a band called "Eviscerator" and they always claimed this song was written as a pitch track for the movie Heavy Metal? I mentioned how this song by numerous accounts was recorded here in the USA in 86-87 from stations in Texas, Chicago, Cleveland, NYC and (by only one account) possibly Florida. She didn't feel there was an issue with that as stations will often play random things just to fill the spot including songs that are several years older. I asked about her added line at the end and she stated "I didn't add s*** bud, whoever recorded it must have cut it off before they got to it". I mentioned how numerous people strongly believe this is the work of Z'Rose, she said they probably covered it a bunch of times but it is not their song and even stated that this particular recording sounds like it could be them covering. She was more familiar with Z'Rose than me, she commented "The 3 Cavlaros brothers from Texas right? The singer was the oldest brother Jeff?" (I know that's not their name, i only included it for aunthenticity per context of our discussion, the last name is Cavazos and there was only 2 of them right?). She also told me Z'Rose had about a dozen other names through their years including "Gypsy Rose". I asked how she knew this British band "Eviscerator" and she answered that she lived in London from 78-85 and this song was played a lot on "amateur hour" on several stations, especially university stations. This kind of took me by surprise because i thought she looked younger than me (I'm 39) but she lived in England for college and her first husband in the late 70's??"
"In my last comments i mentioned a bar i went to was going to have a mini concert featuring bands that specialize in black metal and 80's tribute metal and i would play this song to see if any of the band peoples or concert goers would chime in. I did just that and got a few hits on the radar with a few of the band members. The one band, Inviaat, the singer says he remembers this song being played on a radio station in Philly PA for an entire summer because that station was trying to find the band. He does not remember the specific station but said it was near the Taylor University campus (my understanding is that there is several?) because the station thought it was the students from that university's music program. When i asked him when exactly that would have been he said Summer of 1983 because he was married on Halloween 1983 and was hoping the station would find the band so they could play at his wedding. A member from the local band "inductus Mortis" said he recalls that song being played "somewhere in the mid 80's" but does not remember if he heard it in Chicago or Cleveland because he bounced between them. I asked several bands, include the Venom tribute band Poisonous Whisper if anyone had ever heard of a band name Eviscerator from the 80's. Only one person thought he heard the name but it wasn't a band name it was a compilation album of NWOBHM from roughly '83-'84, but couldn't tell me anything other than that. As for the other concert goers, the #1 response i got from them was along the lines of "Dude you can sing, you should go pro!".....in other words they thought it was me promoting myself (I wish i could sing like that!!). the #2 response was people thought it was Manowar. After those 2 the guesses were the usual ones i have seen here and everywhere else this topic comes up: Blackmaine, Axis, Overkill, Overdrive, Black Sabath, Iron Maiden, Anthrax, Slayer, WitchAxe and 2 people even asked if it was an Ozzy Osbourne demo."
"I asked around, including my oldest sisters I've mentioned in my postings, about Eviscerator. The only person who heard of them, the one from this time-frame not the other 8 or 9 bands from the 2000's with that name, said they were a generic ManowaIron Maiden/Judas Priest tribute or more accurately, ripoff, band who sucked. I am not saying I buy this woman's account, but i'm also not discrediting it or calling her a liar. Her familiarity with this song and her accuracy with the lyrics makes me believe she knows this song from somewhere.....what that somewhere is, i can't comment because i don't know?"
"So far my friends and I have several "pings" to look into, the name Eviscerator has absolutely nothing from the time frame we're looking at. But there is (was?) a "Lee Lesaat" Canadian/British "mercenary" (did not belong to any band but would play for others) drummer who now lives in NYC my friends are looking into.
There is an 80's metal/black metal tribute concert this Saturday at the bar I was at last weekend. After the bands play their sets they have an open mic like set up where you can play your own music (as long as it fits the theme). I'm going to try and play this song and see if anyone, bands or crowd or food vendors etc, have any reaction.
And by "pings" I just mean responses/possible possible long shot leads. The guy or girl claiming to be a psychic vampire who time traveled and wrote this song for The Lost Boys movie is NOT going to be one of them😂"
Then someone asks: "What band is this Eviscerator ? I found a band that was formed in 2012 . Furthermore tthe song is not in the metal archives I searched through lyrics was not found." He says: "Allegedly they were in England in the 1980's, but the woman stated 2 of them had New York accents. If all of her account is true and accurate, they were NOT a professional big name band. I did find several bands with the title "Eviscerator" (in different variations) but all of them were from the 2000's. The only "pro" band with that title I could find was a Hungarian band from the mid 2000's. I asked Satanic lady if she remembered any of the other bands that played alongside "Eviscerator" and she only remembered 3: "Band-Shee" (an all female band....get it?) Gargoyle, and Werewolf Tears."
"I have a very very small update for everyone, but it's still an update nonetheless. The mystery succubus looking woman who said this song was by Eviscerator and sang along to it (even when I "accidentally" muted my phone to see if she was just repeating what she was hearing.....she was not) has been identified by my journalist friend! We are going to try and get in contact with her and see if there is anything else she can remember about "Eviscerator" that could help. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but her familiarity with this songs lyrics and the fact she sang almost in perfect synch with the beat makes me feel she really did know this song from somewhere in her past. That or she is a very good actress? Lol
I found only 1 solid, confirmed band with that name but they were from mid 2000's Hungary. But several peoples now and then tell me they remember hearing that name in the 80's as various things; crappy garage band, NWOHBM compilation album/work, some sort of event space or name, most recently someone claimed he thought it was the stage name of a singer but didn't know who or what band. I'm trying to get in touch with the woman who originally mentioned that name."
He posted this comment that lead nowhere: "2 very small updates for everyone:
1) The Viking/Pagan/Goth/Black Metal themed bar just around the corner from me is having a New Years event tomorrow night. They actually agree to give me a "booth" where i can have a "guess this song" set up. And, it will be right next to where the bands play...I'm going to be between the "stage" and the food truck lol
2) The one radio station i submitted this song to will play it on their "X hour" on 1/8/24. It is not a hugely popular segment, maybe a few hundred listeners, but it's better than nothing.
Here's to the New Year and hope this song and numerous others get solved!"
"So the station played this song Sunday night/Monday morning. They played it 4 times between 2:07am - 3:12am. They received 9 calls about it and about a dozen emails (I seriously didn't know they had an email!?!?!?). Unfortunately the majority of contacts were people either asking for them to replay it or people thinking it was Manowar. There were a few Iron Maidens and one or 2 Ozzy Osborne's. Only 2 people stated they heard this song before. Unfortunately they heard it from "some kilt wearing guy at blank bar plays it, I think it's him self promoting". Yes that's me they referenced and no it is not me singing lol"
He suggest matrixx as a possibility: "There's a band called matrixx that has been giving me interest. They were only around for two years due to financial struggles in their stage. If you look up attaxe and fiinal notice they share two members of matrixx. Their drummer and guitarist sound very similar to the band from this song. It's pretty crazy too because they have a song called defy the king. They also had a label to produce their songs which is called Suma Recording Studios. This may be the reason why the audio sounds too good for a small band. I hope that this is the band! Too many good clues that I found"
He debunks the Steven Lindfield lead: "One of the names thrown about here and there on posts about this song is a Steven Linfield ("Lindi") who bounced between Chicago and NYC in the 1980's. His alleged involvement varries between being the DJ who allegedly played it on a NYC station, to being a Chicago stations record manageclerk etc etc. I got in contact with him yesterday. He denies having ANYTHING to do with the airing of this song and does not know how or why his name came up. While he did work at 2 stations (NYC, then Chicago during the summer) he was an overnight watchman (security). However, he does recall this song being played on "some amateur hour crapshoot" in '86 in NYC a bunch of times. At that point in '86 he claims people were referencing it as "The King Song" or "The song of the King" (drawn out to match the singers "The Faaaalllll, the fall of the kiiiiiing") and it was already 2 or 3 years old at that time. He did explain that at least at the Chicago station there was an amateur drop-off slot that the dj's would pick through and play random "no namers" labeling them as "space filler". Because they would be played, literally just to fill space, they were NOT mandated to keep any records of them. Sometimes the dj's would just make up names to some of these. One of his main duties was to check the drop-off to make sure there were no bad things thrown in there instead of cassettes. Another dead end, but at least we rulled out one theory......silver lining??😂 LINDFIELD, not Linfield. Darn autocorrect on this phone."
He is convinced it's a professional band's demo: Thats why a lot people I have introduced to this song think it's a professional band, or at the extreme least an amateur band playing with top level equipment/sponsor? 1983 guy stated they sound like they have equipment his garage band "couldn't even afford to dream about looking at yet alone use". It's also one of the reasons my 2 oldest sisters insist this is a professional band (sister #1 says Manowar, #2 says Manowar or Sarissa) because there are no goofs or mistakes or errors. My sisters gave an example of a garage band from their Kutztown university days, "Freefall Abyss" that self released a demo and in one song you can hear a telephone ringing in the background and in another you can hear a fan or ac unit going.
He contacted a girl named Della: "This song was actually played on an old Philly/NJ station on the segment "Della names your tune" in 2009. I was able to get in contact with "Della" (real name withheld by her request) who at first stated "I played thousands of unnamed songs bud, I probably played this one 100 times, sorry i wont be much help" . Then a few days later replied "I do recall this one, it was sent in from a local listener who had it labeled as Dungeon Master or maybe Dragon Master on a CD with a bunch of old early Manowar, JudaPriest, Iron Maiden, Megadead, Metallica and AngelWitch songs. He or she claimed their father had this song on a tape from his college days. Nobody knew what or who it was back in '09 or '10 and as far as I know nobody figured it out when I left the program in '15." The only name she gave, and I don't know if this was even a real name or the drummers "stage name" was Leopald Lestat.........I do have 2 people looking into it (from a metal dating site of all places). Disclaimer: I know some of those bands are misspelled, I purposefully left it that way because that's how she sent it to me."
"I went down that road, you nailed it right on the head. There is no way to track down who that listener was. The only hint she had, in the form of the note attached to the CD was the person said they were from Radnor PA. I couldn't tell you because the other songs kind of bounce around in terms of year: there's a Judas Priest and an Angel Witch song both from 1980 but then there's a song from Megadeath (I believe Megadeath came out in '85?) and a Metallica song from '86? For some reason my one comment didn't show up? Della gave a pretty big hint, she said the mailing address on the CD was from Radnor PA, but the phone number included was a landline for a Chicago address. Her and the station managers assumed it was a "shadow number" and didn't bother keeping record of it. A lot of her requests had local addresses with out of state phone numbers, cellular and landline."
He suggests Dungeon Masters: "I have a potential lead, "Dungeon Masters" from Pittsburgh PA? Long story short: everyone at work talks about a "hot nerdy chick" who works at the one antique book store in town and she is a music genius and knows EVERY song people play. So i decided to test it. I played this song and she stated "I think thats Dungeon Masters, they were from my hometown of Pittsburgh PA back in the early to late 80's. Thats either Dungeon Masters or someone doing an incredible job imitating them?". Given that Cleveland is only a 2-3 hr drive from Pittsburgh (from what Steelers players say) i think this could be a possible lead and explain the Cleveland recording? Again, this is only a POSSIBLE lead, but i think it has potential?
Currently my one "source" is looking into it. He is not always accurate (as evidenced when we were looking into Conquest) but its better than nothing."
And someone adds this: "Della said the same Dungeon Masters so better look into it"
But he says this: "Close, "Della" stated the listener who sent in the CD had this song labeled as "Dungeon Master?", not a band name. But I am looking into it as best as I can. I found a Pittsburgh band "Dungeon" but they're NOT metal they're an Omnia/Faun like band (neo-folk I think is the term?) formed in 2018. I sent word out to the people I know and my "team". Now it is a waiting game."

The main events take place in the summer of 2023, but before that there’s some pretty crucial information you need to know.
Many moons ago, three or four years before I was forced to live with the burden of knowing my dear friend, some shit went down.
Sophomore year of high school, Heather and my now boyfriend Tony were besties with another girl, that I will call Jane (the sweetest person I’ve ever met, by the way). At some point, Jane and her boyfriend went on a break, and Heather decided, for some reason to this day unknown, to try and sext her best friend’s ex boyfriend. I say “try” because he never really indulged her, which made the whole situation all the more embarrassing. Heather, however, lacking self-awareness and critical thinking skills, decided to keep this up for over five months, after which Jane and her ex got back together, and he told her everything. Contrary to Heather, Jane decided to be a good friend and wait for Heather to come clean about her actions without revealing she already knew everything.
And so she waited. But Heather never said anything.
Keep this in mind, it’ll be important later.
Fast forward to February 2022, yours truly is introduced on the scene by becoming Heather’s roommate during our first year of college. Surprisingly we got along pretty well, we became really close friends in a very short time. She was also the extroverted one (also important) of the two and really helped me come out of my shell, so for a while I was really grateful to her. Anyway, throughout the three months we lived together she was constantly talking about her friends Tony and Jane from back home, but especially referring to Jane as her best friend, the only one that really knew her and that she really trusted.
Her friend Tony was also a very popular topic in conversations, and the reason she convinced me to visit her home country that summer, which resulted in us dating but I will spare you the details of that because it’s a different story (although a good one too).
The summer ends. She moves back to her country, I go back to mine, now pursuing two long distance relationships, the one with my boyfriend and the one with my only friend. So, in January 2023 plan a trip there with Tony but I decide not to tell Heather, and to let it be a surprise instead.
This is where the thing I told you to remember comes back for the first time, and I get front row seats for this years-long conflict finally unraveling.
Jane decided she had enough of waiting for her friend to become decent and slowly started growing apart from Heather, who had actually started the fight by accusing Jane of ignoring her.
When asked about the reasons for her behavior, some of Heather’s responses were, and I kid you not, “BRO I HAD A PLAN” and “IT’S LITERALLY NOT MY PROUDEST MOMENT”.
So. Yeah. Needless to say, they stopped being friends.
Now, for some reason, Heather decided to start this fight on the groupchat with my boyfriend, which meant I had access to everything, and after learning about everything I started to question my friend’s actions for the first time. Like, yes I knew she was a bit stubborn, and annoying, but who isn’t. Betraying someone you have talked about multiple times as your best friend and then lying about it for years, however?
But I decided to put my worries aside for the moment and just be more careful around her before I actually formed an opinion. I also had never met Jane before so at that point it probably wouldn’t have been my place to intervene.
During my trip, I get the idea to plan a surprise party for Tony in the summer and I share it with Heather who seems on board and ready to help.
That aside, the rest of my visit was pretty uneventful up until my last day there.
It being my last day, I wanted to spend it with all my friends, so me, Tony, and Heather met up at a mall to hang out. After a while, I noticed Heather looking pretty down so I asked her if she was alright. She told me she was feeling a bit worried because she got the impression that Tony was growing more distant from her. She revealed to me that this actually already happened before, during Tony’s last relationship, and she was scared it was going to happen again. “And I’m so sorry for involving you like this but do you think you could talk to him for me?”
Now, you have to know Tony and her were never the best of friends; he’s always been closer to Jane than he was with her, simply because they don’t have many things in common. Heather also had the habit of constantly bringing up his ex in my presence, by making weird comparisons with me about literally anything. “Oh, you’re dyeing your hair red? Tony’s ex also dyed her hair red for a while. Omg your eyeliner is so good, you know Tony’s ex actually—”
No. I do, in fact, not know and I would like to keep it that way.
So when she mentioned his ex, being the idiot that I am, I felt so bad because I somehow assumed it was my fault, that I distracted him from his friends with my psychic evil girlfriend powers and therefore it was my responsibility to fix it.
So in May, I start planning Tony’s birthday party and Heather decided that for some reason it was her job to invite people and plan activities and literally plan the whole fucking party actually. She kept making suggestions I knew he would hate and inviting people he outright said he couldn’t stand, until I had enough and was forced to put my foot down. I let her invite her boyfriend and a friend of hers and handled the rest myself. In the meantime, I contacted Jane. Because unlike Heather, I know my boyfriend well enough to understand who his friends are so I always knew Jane was going to make the list, which I anticipated to Heather back in February. Her response was something along the lines of, “It’s okay for me if it’s okay for her”, which I thought was good enough. After all, I wasn’t expecting them to chat like nothing had happened but I assumed they would both be mature enough to put their differences aside for their friend’s sake.
The day of the party comes and Heather and I get there early to set things up, and when we’re in the bathroom doing our makeup she goes, “Hey, this might be a weird question but did Jane mention if she was bringing anyone?”.
This is where I might have been a bit of a bitch. Because Jane did actually ask me if she could bring her boyfriend, the same guy from the story that keeps coming back, and she even apologized for that, but knowing there were going to be three couples at the party already, including Heather and her own boyfriend, I didn’t even think twice before saying yes. However, I also failed to mention that to Heather until the day of the party.
When she found out, she was gone. Completely lost the plot, would not hear reason. She spent the whole evening sitting on the couch next to her boyfriend, with her back to the rest of the party, ignoring everyone else unless they asked her a question directly or forced her into conversation. After the umpteenth failed attempt of including her I felt so guilty I went to cry in the bathroom thinking I had ruined my boyfriend’s party because Heather was not having fun.
Days later, when all of this turned into a paragraph fight via text, instead of apologizing she kept attacking Tony for being rude to her and not understanding that she is very introverted and has “major anxiety”, and that was the reason why she didn’t even try to celebrate his birthday with him once throughout the night. Something I found hard to believe as I had been in that position before, while she was the one to help me out of it, introducing me to new people. So I am well aware of what it means to feel out of place, which is why I tried my best that night, and I also know that if she really wanted to do more, she would’ve.
During the fight, I finally had the opportunity to really talk to Jane for the first time and finding out about some things Heather did to her while they were friends reminded me of something else she did to me.

Back in November 2022, I got on birth control. Naturally I texted my friend, telling her about it.
Her response was, and I quote: “I have a theory. I’ve noticed a pattern where all of Tony’s girlfriends (ex and you) have started taking birth control since dating him soooo he either forced the girls or the girls don't care about STDs and accidental pregnancies. And the side effects obv.”
So I brought this back up during our fight. She tried to deny and to claim she was simply in “shock” because of my sudden interest in birth control, but I sent her back the proof of how she ignored everything I was trying to tell her only to keep trying to prove her hypotheses. My message said: “I was excited because I had done my research, I found a gyno and I went on my own and I texted you knowing that I couldn't share that excitement with my mother so I thought my friend would understand but instead you just came up with conspiracy theories about Tony forcing his girlfriends to get on BC or his girlfriends not caring about accidental pregnancies which was extremely insulting and I still don't know what your intention was because if you were joking it wasn't funny. I was being really vulnerable and you just basically chastised me. I can understand not agreeing but there's ways and ways to say that, you can still be happy and supportive while disagreeing, which was not what you did at all.”
She apologized but also said “I’m sorry you felt that way”. I decided to leave it at that and forget about it.
A couple of weeks later she angrily texted me wondering why I didn’t wish her a happy birthday.
So, AITA?

I hope you are doing better today than yesterday. (TLDR at the end; or enjoy my story :) )

Why:

About 11 months ago, I launched my app for the first time on lonely because I had previously experienced loneliness myself during grad school. I wanted to reach out to people going through similar experiences by providing them with what would’ve helped me in the past.
I felt this was an important mission for me and a much more rewarding one than my day job that I quit my job to work on the app full-time.
It was necessary because I did not come from a programming background. I knew how to program in the sense of running scientific simulations on MATLAB, but creating the front-end and back-end for a consumer app was totally new to me, so I had to learn from scratch.
I enjoyed everyday going to a cafe to learn from programming crash courses on YouTube, developing the app little by little, and eventually launching the app! The initial response was actually pretty great: 220 upvotes for the app launch post, which I proudly pinned in my bio :)

How:

I made the app to be based on voice, and nothing else: no profiles, no profile photos, and even no texts. The reason for that was I felt a lot of people felt lonely and had trouble finding meaningful online connections because of the modern communication medium which actually promotes superficial and viral contents over authentic and long-form contents. It is easy to see from examples: TikTok’s 30 second videos, Instagram’s eye-popping photos by beautiful people from the globe, and Twitter(X)’s 140-char spicy takes. Sure, these platforms offer us information about DIYs, trends, and news that can enrich our lives and entertain us, but they don’t by all means help us feel more connected to individuals. Even on Reddit, the contents tend to be more wholesome and there are hilarious comments that build on top of each other, but the actual sense of connection you feel with the users is tenuous.
Focusing on voice worked! It was incredible listening to the heartfelt messages from strangers from all over the world who opened up about their loneliness and didn’t mind being vulnerable to other strangers. I have personally spoke with everyone that came by. The 14k minutes of voice messages do not include my own voice messages; they are all messages that people left for their own posts, to each other, or as replies to me.

Highlights:

There were some incredible moments, which would be too long to share in this post (leave a comment if you want to hear more!), but some of the highlights were (note: these are all from public conversations):

• Lady in New Brunswick, Canada was extremely depressed after a difficult divorce and felt being on the life’s edge. She was getting scammed left and right on dating apps and was losing hope. She told me that I was the only one that she felt she could trust and talk to, and she probably wouldn’t be here if I ever stopped talking to her. Thankfully, she eventually managed to find a boyfriend and she thanked me for having always been there for her. She still came back to the app to act as a supporter for other lonely souls for a while!
• Gentleman in New York, USA felt isolated in a farm and felt he had no real connections with anyone. He shared with me and other users about his life growing various vegetables, but stopped coming on the app for a couple of months. When he came back, he was pleasantly surprised by the app’s development, felt I really believed in my mission to help lonely souls, and became an evangelist for my app :) He posted on several forums on Reddit and engaged in conversations with many users on the app.

What was also incredible was that there were not only people experiencing loneliness here, but also people who did not feel lonely but were on the app to support others going through loneliness. They would share stories and studies related to loneliness in their posts, and also try to talk to some lonely folks on the app who seemed very hardened by their experience of loneliness which made them cynical and pessimistic. The concept of compassionate listening by Thich Nhat Hanh and Polyvagal theory that explains 3 levels of our nervous system are a few things they mentioned that come to my mind. Unfortunately, these efforts by supporters were often, so to speak, ineffective in solving people’s loneliness.

What I learned:

And that was part of what made it so hard to have a sustainable ecosystem on my app: many people who have been lonely for a long period of time had their personalities and social skills hardened to the point that they either:

• did not know how to engage with others by understanding social cues and sharing stories about themselves that allow themselves to be vulnerable to others, which allows for deeper social connections
• felt they are never good enough, they are stuck in their situation, and there is nothing that can help them get better. Any help or suggestions offered by others would only work on others and did not apply to them.

My hope for the app was to help people who experience loneliness find and support each other. By providing the platform for them to voice out their stories, have them be heard by others, and find others who resonate and reply, I thought they would finally find friends whom they can relate to, share their lives with, and would no longer have to feel lonely again.
However, the reality was that many were hardened by loneliness and it was hard for such connections to materialize. Plus, one of the main ways for an app like this to grow is by word of mouth. Unfortunately, most people experiencing loneliness did not have anyone to share the app with, which stunted the app’s growth and mostly depended on me manually bringing users onto the platform.
With fewer chances of having good interactions, even the people who really resonated with the app and shared stories slowly stopped coming back. Some just suddenly ghosted, which made the experience on the app painful for other engaged people on the app.

My hope for the future:

I still believe that there are more people out there experiencing loneliness who have the deep desire to share their stories and find the long-term friends across the globe who understand each other and can share slices of their lives with.
So, if you are someone that can benefit from sharing stories and solve your loneliness this way, feel free to check out my app at https://bubblic.app
Also, if you know of any way I can improve the app to better help people experiencing loneliness, please leave a comment.
Lastly, word of mouth would really help. If you like the app, or if you know someone who would benefit from the app, please share it with others!

TLDR:

I created an app focused on voice communication to help lonely people connect, inspired by my own experiences. Despite an encouraging start and meaningful interactions, many users struggled to form lasting connections due to the deep impact of their loneliness. Growth has been slow, mainly reliant on my efforts. If you know someone who might benefit, please share my app: https://bubblic.app. Feedback is also welcome! Tech stack used:
Backend

• AWS Websocket, DynamoDB, Cognito, S3, Lambda

AI

• WhisperX model running on laptop locally

Frontend

• Flutter

I forgot if I posted about this already.
Last summer, I broke up with someone after a serious relationship (wasn’t sad it was mutual).
I decided that for once, I NEED for once in my life to be single and enjoy it. My plan was 1 full year of being single before I find someone (my ideal person) for marriage.
I was super serious and super committed to worshipping myself. I wanted to fall in love with who I am and the god within. I wanted unshakable confidence and self confidence. I wanted a Christ-like aura.
So I got to work.
I became obsessed with myself (inside and out).
Here’s what I did basically:
I took care of my looks to look like someone I considered breathtaking in my personal opinion. I didn’t go to the gym, just makeup and skincare and dressing the part. I did it for ME, I was the main character now and I wanted to dress the part.
I started walking slowly as if I’m a holy being (again Christ-like aura) while doing my self love affirmations confidently (in my head obviously). Whenever I wasn’t talking or thinking, I was affirming (not like a robot, but more with ease, conviction and enjoyment).
I would meditate on self love and self concept morning and night.
Here’s what happened:
Men started obsessing over me, asking me on dates over and over, they would show up out of the woodworks as they say lol, texting me a little too much. I got so annoyed, but also a bit intrigued by the results lol,that I HAD TO DELETE MY SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS AND ARCHIVE ALL MY PICTURES to try and minimize the effects lol. I ghosted a ton of people.
It worked for social media but I still got a lot of attention in real life. I was a rockstar for a while.🤪
This experiment REALLY helped me understand what everyone is YOU pushed out meant.
EIYPO is about YOU not EVERYONE. That’s why owner of this sub always tells you to focus on YOU, to Generate LOVE WITHIN YOU, to be your own SP…
Now something else happened that summer. Even though I was so serious about staying single for a year (lasted 4 months only lol). I was like FINE IF ALL THESE MEN ARE SHOWING UP MAYBE I SHOULD WRITE A LIST OF ALL THE QUALITIES I WANT IN MY FUTURE HUSBAND.
Well guess who I met the very next day ☺️. You guessed it. I met the guy from my list. At first I didn’t care at all because he was just another guy that I didn’t want to date. But after a few conversations he convinced me to go on a date and I fell IN LOVE ON OUR VERY FIRST DATE (him too, we became inseparable instantly)
Now so you guys don’t think I’m a liar or anything, we did break up recently:/ I’m not sad but I have to admit to all of you that I was so in love that I went back to my old habits of focusing on the other person. I made him my whole world and stopped prioritizing myself 🫡. It’s a human thing we all do I guess. When you find someone to love you, it’s like you give them this huge task suddenly, a task that should be your own.
I didn’t become needy in 3d but I definitely was needy energetically and he started prioritizing his work to the point where we would see each other once every week or so …
This post is 100% real guys no scams here I promise .
I’m writing this post to tell you please please please listen to u/ALLISMIND he’s got it figured out and he’s telling you all the truth. I am living proof of this.
Losing my man is also a big lesson to all of us. Do not forget about your self love and self concept once you’re with someone… of you course you need to love them too, but you MUST keep loving and caring about your inner world. It should be a habit like brushing your teeth or better BREATHING.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be back on my routine of self love and self concept. You can find me reading all is mind’s posts from the very beginning (again lol).
As my boyfriend, I’m not worried about him to be honest. If he comes back that would be great, if not I know something wonderful is waiting for me.
Feel free to ask me anything.
Additions/edits: -I forgot to mention that I would turn heads whenever I went with my aura and beauty. I was kind of like Monica belucci in Malena (I would walk very innocently and silently and yet I was always under the spot light even though I wasn’t trying to (again my goal was extreme self love and confidence/not people’s attention and yet it happened)).
-I don’t dress provocatively (meaning no short shorts or boobs out of clothes that are too tight just for context)
-A funny thing that also started happening is my male colleagues also started developing a crush on me 😅 even though they’ve seen me every day for a year lol (especially Joe who still refers to me as “my wife” lol)
-I Re-started focusing my self love and self concept again a few days ago and I’m already seeing results… men started showing interest and asking me out again as well as getting some attention in public (nothing too extreme yet).

I dont speak to my kids. One of them even disowned the whole family name legally.
As soon as we divorced you had your other kids dad up in there swiftly and got rid of the last name quickly too.. . He was abusive yet you protected him, kept my non abusive ass at bay with the law, and then made an attempt to COMPLETELY TAKE THE KIDS FROM ME AND KEEP THEM INTEGRATED IN YOUR TOXIC ABUSIVE SITUATION....While ridding them of me because of my toxic ways. It failed because I researched and document enough of your rachet behaviors to keep them in my life. But for some stupid reason I always took your fake well wishes, and word soup at face value. But you were never supportive at all. You just showboated it. Even letting me use the car as when I was working on shit for you...and as soon as someTHING else came along you desired, and feared I might hinder by being a part OF THEIR LIVES you forced me out of their lives... OVER TOTAL FABRICATED LIES, refused to tell me what was my charges against me, and kept me stonewalled for over three years over the lies, AND ALLOWED THE KIDS TO THINK I ABANDONED THEM THE WHOLE TIME we were no contact.
I almost died over that shit. That literally almost killed me. And you dont GAF. Your kids relationship with their father...WAS DEEMED DISPOSABLE BY YOU. It came in last behind your trips, vacays, abusers, feinds that were "part of your friend family", even your style of "open parenting" (aka let them raise themselves while i party, and tour the ether with toxic bunny besties, blasting away the liquid allowances of men with one foot in the grave that had desires of not being lonely and were willing to sponsor "fun lifestyles") (although you did keep them well clothed, well fed, and gave them a great work ethic) was deemed. You decided that their boyfriends moving in with them at your house while they were young teens while you "did your thang girl" retreating, resorting, concerting, and discovering...WAS MORE OF THE SOLID THING TO DO THAN LET THIER DAD COME IN AND PARTAKE IN SOME OF THAT "RAISING".
Am I saying I could have done it better? No. NOT AT ALL.
Im saying you could have been more understanding and more including, and more accepting. You crucified me for the same shit you allowed...REGUARLY CONSISTENTLY FOR YEARS IN THE KIDS LIVES AND PROXIMITY.
Once again Im not saying I could have done it better...but I always trusted you..and figured you would include me with honest intentions. But it was always lip service to have plausible deniability that you held ill will when you came time to discard.
FOR FUCKS SAKE THE FIRST TIME YOU TRIED TO TAKE THE KIDS FROM ME TOTALLY, AND LAYED ALL THE DAMNING EVIDENCE IN FRONT OF YOU WITH "MY OWN HAND WRITTEN CUSTODY AGREEMENT" AND YOU WALKED IN THAT COURT ROOM BARELY EVEN KNOWING WHAT WAS IN THAT LONG AGREEMENT. AND YOU TOLD THE JUDGE "WEVE DECIDED TO COME UP WITH OUR OWN AGREEMENT, AND HAVE IT NOTARIZED" WHEN 30 MINS PRIOR YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD THE KIDS OUT OF MY LIFE "IN THE BAG"
wHAT DID MY AGREEMENT SAY?
i COULD HAVE DESTROYED YOU AND MADE IT TAKE MONTHS OR YEARS TO PROVE YOURSELF FIT..BUT I CHOSE A 50/50 EVERYTHING BECAUSE THATS HOW PPL ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. EVEN IF ONES DOWN AND ONES UP. CO PARTENTS AT LEAST
And you always claimed "the high ground" while doing THIS SHIT. You were all deception and projection...What am I guilty of?.FINANCIAL IMPOTENCY AT THE WORST..Neglect in our together years...and after that lady..you were a liar through and through. Years of fakery. Every kinds word ended up with you trashing me with the refuse. And you always blamed me...Even knowing you were chasing selfish motives and had the discard already set up.
You did me the favor of forgiving a massive amount of child support. Im grateful..but honestly id do time over the forgiving of debt to be with my kids as real family dad and kids...not with "you" I dont even research your life or inquire about it to others. I no longer care. but Id do years to be able to communicate with them, and having a real shot at them knowing me without your long term influence. Id trade just about anything but my soul for a shOT at their open hearts and open minds about me without your "love and care" influencing how they see me.
I have been told by several of your once friends, now ops..that my youngest might not even be mine. But I havent a clue if theres any truth to it, although it makes sense and little dick S ties into that perfectly.
Ive lost you all, youve helped that. I used to long for a you I coulkd trust. Not a you romantically but a you I could love as family and work with in life. I believed in a true you and was in love with you, making you a gold standard of what a good woman is for damn near two decades after we split...through all your lies, deception, projection, discarding, and cutting down...WHILE YOU INFLUENCED THE KIDS THAT I WAS SHIT.
THEY DONT KNOW HALF OF THE MALICOUS TRUTH ABOUT "ME NOT BEING THERE"
YOUR HALF...A BIG HALF
I keep saying I forgive and hold no ill will. but i am deeply firey inferno type angry. I want to take my aquarius air sign capabilities...and stoke and bellow fires to carbonized you landscapes earth sign. I want to blow waters upon your scorched earth and turn it to dark brown mud. I want to starve your barren mud pits of oxygen so green grass or plant of life wont inhabit it. And in the sorrows that come with stripping you down with my furious wrath of air..at your darkest..I want to send tornadoes, hurricanes, dust storms, and ravaging wind storms to keep you uncomfortable and in chaos...not even allowed to enjoy the "calm and peace in the depression of the mudscape"
But my fury will stay composed. you arent worth the exertion of my energy anymore. because you are not a person i know...and you are not someone who i have known since our divorce, and you havent allowed me to know the real you, or tried to know the real me.
I speak to the void, and leave you be..
but if these winds start to blow into a tempest they would rip apart all of your beauty..and decimate EVERYTHING YOU APPRECIATE, LOVE, OR WANT TO KEEP WITH YOU INTO PIECES...
the wind has nothing to lose..you cant take away from it..you cant add to it...you can just influence it and pressure it in your earthen vessels. It can starve fire of O2, Starve your green growths and florals of life, steer and stoke flames to carbonize your whole surface level facade, it can catalyze and thunderstorms, tornadoes, and hurricanes to pelt your surface...and wash you down to tho the levels of molecular sediment in the seas... and what you take from air displaces and when it comes back around..it is still air..whole and intact..even if its polluted...blowing in anger fires, floods, and storms upon you...driving frozen seas ashore on your beaches puncturing your picturesque places of dreams with daggers by the millions, slowly forcing the way inward...multiplying in number
So let me say since my kid changed the name legally, you changed yours too, and the other may or may not be mine but hates and has disowned me anyway...that if there are past lives, next lives, soul bonds or eternal connections...they end here and now. like YOU wanted, but used your motherly influence over time spanning times to make them feel that its exactly what they wanted too.
the complete opposite of what i want, or have ever wanted.
.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.''.'

UNLESS there is some major major changes that happen on this 3d plain FROM YOU, AND YOUR BULLSHIT, ACCOUNTABILITY AND TOXICITY, COMMUNICATION, COMPASSION AND REMORSE....

Then spiritually , In front of The Lord as I believe. I release any and all connections to you. Asking that it ends here and my knowledge of you, and ties to you be broken... in heaven, in earth, and any and all realms and plains of existence, embodiment, life, and after life.
And I write this should I suddenly meet my demise and we never "got equal in spirit" on this plain...so it can be effective if God is willing at the point of my ending.
count your blessing because if was set off in untamable rage... everying on you, around you, that you shelter, that you desire, that you hold dear, that you value, that you enjoy, that you trust, rthat you associate with...,and that makes you... you gets decimated...and you get decimated...and all this destruction becomes an integrated part of my decimation of my own self...my rage...with nothing to lose....everyone and everything would see loss and suffering.
Glad this wind is mature enough to hurt and still be kind and compassion to ppl and frogiving of the human ways of selfishness....i cant waste another breath...im good ppl. and you hurt me IN THE DARKEST WAYS...
but i want to help ppl grow...and benefit ppl...
not hurt them...
thats what makes me stronger than you too

I (41F) live in Montana and a few years ago I was forced to relocate after my landlord decided to rent to her son. The community I had lived in for 11.5 years has become incredibly expensive ($787,000 median home price). Unfortunately, I was forced to relocate to another city and because of the unexpected move and associated costs, I moved in with a roommate. My roommate left to pursue better job prospects about three months after I moved in. Our unit was a triplex, so there were two gentlemen that inhabited the other units. I was never added to the lease as the property manager required a full deposit and I was not in a financially healthy spot at the time. I remained in the unit for 1.5 years on my own paying the rent and utilities.
I became very good friends with the man in the unit closest to mine. We will call the man Devin (52M). Devin was a disabled veteran in recovery. I also am a veteran, so he held a soft spot in my heart. We shared meals, hung out and discussed all of life’s mysteries, and would look out for one another. Devin had gone to treatment for 6-weeks, and I had watched his cat while he was gone. Our friendship developed over the course of 1.5 years. Devin had expressed romantic interest; however, right from the beginning I clearly informed Devin that I did not share those feelings and we would never be more than good friends.
Devin seemed to be lonely, which made sense; however, I am a person who requires alone time to recharge my batteries. I set strict boundaries for Devin as he wanted to hang out all of the time. I would catch him walking through the front yard multiple times a day to “get the mail,” which I believed was to see if I was outside so he could stop to chat. When I would leave in the morning to go to work, Devin was always outside to tell me I looked nice and to have a good day. I told him that made me feel uncomfortable and he should just send a text letting me know if he wanted to hang out and wait for a response. There were a couple of times I yelled at him for overstepping my boundaries. The first, I had just got home and pulled into my garage. I was on a phone call and had stayed in the car, Devin looked through the garage window to see if I was home. I was annoyed but didn’t really think much of it. The second, I was getting dressed in my room in the Summer, so the window was cracked. I felt this was safe as the window was not in a place that anyone should be walking by as it was on my patio at the back of the home. I caught Devin peeking through. I lost it. I let Devin know under no uncertain terms his behavior was inappropriate and that if he didn’t respect my boundaries, we would no longer be friends.
Last year, while I was still in the home, I had asked Devin to watch my dog for a couple of days so I could go to a family event out of state. Devin was happy to help, and I was very appreciative. Not long after I returned, I started to notice strange things in my home, but I really just thought it was me. For instance, I would be fairly certain I had locked my door in the morning when I left for work, but when I returned it would be unlocked. I would be sure I had shut off all the lights, but when I got home in the evening, one would be on. I really just thought it was absentmindedness.
Fast forward a couple of months, and my mom became sick with cancer. My sister watched my dog while I went to tend to my mom. My sister reached out to me and asked if anyone else had a key to my apartment. I let her know she had the only spare key but asked why. Similarly, she had experienced the same issues with lights and locks. I had not shared my concerns with my sister prior to her communicating hers with me as I really just doubted my own sanity. While I was out of town, I received a text message from Devin asking if I had a potato he could borrow. I let him know I was out of state with my mom who was sick. Devin did not reply, which was out of character, but I had noticed a change in Devin’s affect – he was more reserved and less friendly towards me. I thought it probably had to do with my firm adherence to my boundaries, which was okay. He didn’t have to like them, just respect them.
When I got back to town, one night I stayed over at my sister's house after helping her move. As mentioned above, I was struggling financially, so I would carefully budget and plan my weekly meals. The morning before my sister’s move, I had placed three pieces of bacon into a Ziploc bag to be used later for a BLT. When I returned the following morning, much to my disbelief, there were only two pieces of bacon. I held the bag in my hands KNOWING that there had been three. No longer did I doubt myself. I called my sister and let her know that someone had been getting into my house (I ALWAYS) keep the place locked. The only logical thing that could have happened is Devin made a copy of my key when he had watched my dog in the Fall. My sister reminded me about the potato text – THE POTATO IN THE COUNTER BASKET WAS GONE!
I had enough information to be certain my neighbor had violated my trust and was no friend; however, I still wasn’t afraid of him. As I mentioned, he is a disabled vet and was somewhat feeble and sickly. I was not scared of a confrontation. I immediately went to the hardware store and purchased a camera that steams to your phone once the motion detector has been activated. I placed it facing the side door where Devin would enter. It also had two-way audio capability so my plan was that when Devin decided to enter my home again, I would see it and say over the camera something to the effect of, “get the fuck out of my house, put the key you copied on the counter, and never try to speak with me again or I will contact law enforcement.” As I wrote above, I was not on the lease, and did not want to be homeless, so I could not turn to the property manager for help and Devin knew it.
In the evenings, I started placing a jug of cat litter and a kitchen chair in front of the door that I knew Devin was accessing the apartment from, but I NEVER expected he would attempt to come in while I was at home and really, he had only taken a piece of uncooked bacon and a potato. Laying on the couch one night, watching TV, I thought that I had heard something sliding on the floor in the laundry room where the door was; but I knew there was no way he would come in while I was home. My cat was running around playing, so I decided it was probably just her and I was being paranoid because of all that had happened.
The next morning, while changing my laundry, I noticed the litter and chair had been pushed 3-4 inches. I checked the sensitivity of the camera and found that I was able to replicate by slowly opening the door. DEVIN TRIED TO COME IN WHILE I WAS HOME! WHY?! That morning, I took bear spray into the shower with me while my knees knocked. I was terrified. I felt vulnerable and violated. Devin knew that I knew now also. He knew that I had placed a barrier in front of the door. After that morning, he was never outside in the morning, nor did he walk through the yard to get his mail. I obtained a firearm for protection and did make a police report. The police officer was annoyed with me as I did not want him to approach Devin as all Devin would need to do is report me to the property manager and I would be homeless.
I am grateful that whatever he was up to was apparently thwarted. The fact that he tried to come in while he knew I was home gives me the heebie-jeebies. I wonder if he went through my underwear, watched me while I slept, etc. Since, my situation has greatly improved. I ended up moving out shortly after to take care of my mom. I got my own place again a few months ago. I will never put my trust in another neighbor for pet/house sitting again. It still blows my mind that I had some douche bag stealing from and likely stalking me. This story just solidifies one should always trust their gut. There were so many times that a red flag was screaming, and I just thought I was being crazy.

I stared, mouth dry, heart pounding, at the message from my boss – That awful combination of words that my coworkers and I pray we never see:
“You’re in the running for Employee of the Year.”
For him to send something so callous via email – that was just rubbing salt in the wound.
My eyes glazed over the wall of text that followed. I didn’t need to read the details – I’d cleaned enough of the prior winners off the walls and ceiling of the soundproofed breakroom to know exactly what the award entailed.
After that initial, deep pang of fear faded, denial flooded in to take its place.
I wasn’t just hitting my sales quota, I was blowing it out of the damn water – selling big ticket items daily. I never forgot to place the stickers with my barcode on the products, either, so when my customers checked out and it was scanned at the register, the sales should’ve automatically been linked to my employee ID.
We don’t receive commission – there are other ‘incentives’ to keep our sales up. I hadn’t been watching the numbers because I knew I was making sales left and right – I would've never even dreamt that I was at risk.
It was just a glitch with our computer system, I decided with a nervous laugh. It had to be – something IT could probably sort out in no time.
When I finally regained control of my legs, I wobbled to my manager’s office.
There was no miscalculation, he assured me. It was my employee ID that ranked at the bottom.
“The barcodes never lie, Graham.” He didn’t even bother making eye contact.
I was circling the drain figuratively, and if I didn’t get my shit together – literally – soon enough.
I begged him to review the camera footage – I knew he'd be able to see me making all those sales. “Don’t worry,” he added, with a smile vacant of anything remotely resembling happiness, “One way or another, we all contribute to the success of our company.”
I suppose that by then, he was long desensitized to the pleas of the desperate.
As I left his office, I assured myself that this wasn’t a death sentence.
Not yet.
I had another month until they recalculated our final standings, before shit would get real. Before I’d be given a limp handshake and an empty ‘Thank you for your devotion to the company’ as I was led down the hallway. Before I’d meet what lives behind the usually padlocked door in the shadowy corner of the breakroom.
Before I’d learn what it truly meant to sacrifice myself for the good of the company.
Word spread fast around the office.
Kevin gave me his smug, shit eating grin – maybe he thought that with me out of the picture, he’d finally have a shot with Elise.
Elise… I just desperately hoped that hers wouldn’t be the name drawn afterwards – the one selected to hose what’s left of me off the breakroom floor and down the stained, rusty drain.
As required, I began parking in my new designated space at the far end of the employee lot – the faded sign indicating ‘Reserved for Employee of the Year’ nearly swallowed up by the encroaching tree line. It added an extra ten minutes to my walk to our store, and I dreaded that added time in the oppressive Texas heat. The rational part of me knew that was soon to be a moot point, though.
One way or another, in another month, I wouldn’t have that parking spot. If I were lucky, I’d live to see another summer – live to see some other poor bastard’s car parked there.
If they hadn’t already heard the news, when the rest of my coworkers saw my car in that space, they knew what it meant. Don’t get too attached.
They started avoiding me like the plague. I didn’t blame them.
We all knew what would be coming next if my sales didn’t improve – it's the same thing that happens every time:
We’d gather for the mandatory meeting on the closing night of the fiscal year, all eyes on the sorry son of a bitch that had ‘won’ – the room so quiet that you could hear their muffled sobs. They’d receive what barely constituted a handshake from my manager while he muttered – dead-eyed – his appreciation for their devotion to the company.
Next, they’d be ushered off to the breakroom to meet ‘corporate’. No one tried to run – not after what happened in '19. Instead, the winner would always turn back, shooting us a desperate, final look – eyes pleading for someone, anyone, to intervene. And, of course, no one ever did.
Once the door closed behind them and that sound-proofed room swallowed up the last of their sobbing, begging – it was over. The rest of us would be sent home and I'd try to shower away that disgusting feeling – that sick sense of relief that someone else was sent to their death, and not me.
Cal – the nicest guy I’d ever met – he was the bottom performer two years ago.
He’d fallen so ill that he’d nearly wasted away and eventually, couldn’t work anymore. He must've thought that freed him from his contract – if he left, if he never came back into work, he’d be okay.
He must not have read the fine print in our hiring paperwork.
Although, to be fair, if any of us had read it, we'd never have signed it in the first place.
Cal was a warning to the rest of us, that there is no quitting in our line of work. If they have to track you down and find you (and I promise you that they will find you) – well, wouldn’t you prefer to go with your dignity, with the company compensating your loved ones – rather than be pulled from your home, kicking and screaming into the night?
Gina was employee of the year in 2023. Gina, with the kind smile, whom Kevin had set his sights on before Elise – and, just like Elise, she wanted nothing to do with him.
I still remember that day, the day they released the final numbers. The way Gina’s mouth hung open in confusion, shock.
When she finally managed to form words again, she too insisted that there must be some mistake. We all vouched for her to management – I’d personally seen her make so many sales.
Our manager simply reminded us that the barcodes never lie.
My name was the one drawn for breakroom duty that next morning, to pick up what remained of her smile and her simple gold wedding band, to be returned to her family. In one business week, they received a box containing a check, and everything left of her that wouldn’t fit down the drain.
Once the numbers are finalized, once your employee barcode has been slapped on that innocuous looking pink slip, well, your fate is sealed.
Kevin, in all his years at the company, has never parked on the far side of the lot. He has never even come close to becoming Employee of the Year, even though he couldn’t sell a bottle of water to a man dying of dehydration. He is sleaze incarnate and doesn’t even have the charisma to mask it.
I never understood how he did so well, but I couldn’t afford to think about him.
I had myself to worry about, and the glitch in the system. Any time I found myself in the breakroom, that ancient wooden door was an unwelcome reminder of the impending one-way trip it held for me.
I took special care to keep an eye on my sales, working my ass off, pulling double shifts. I pulled up the numbers as the end of month drew near, and couldn't believe it.
I was still dead last.
Somehow, there were days where less than half of my sales had been recorded to my employee number.
I didn’t understand.
I waited for the opportunity to sneak into the manager's office, and pull the footage myself.
I’d show the boss that something had gone wrong with the calculations, that the system was broken.
I finally got my chance. At first, I triumphantly watched myself make sale after sale – far more than had been credited to my account. For the first time in a month, I felt a sense of relief. I had evidence, and that had to count for something.
I switched feeds, to the camera nearer to the registers so I could confirm that the codes were being scanned. I'd seen several scanned successfully, and reached to turn off the recording. That's when I saw it.
Saw him.
Kevin.
It was subtle. I didn't realize what he was doing at first, until I recognized the pattern. Even then, I had to rewind and watch again for it to click.
It happened for nearly half of my sales that day. I saw him Intercepting the customers before they could check out – before I could get credit for my sales. And while he chatted them up, he discretely slapped his employee barcode over my own.
I confronted him that night – I was furious. He just smiled, smugly gave me that line about how the barcodes never lie.
He didn’t give a shit that he was sentencing someone else to death.
Hell, maybe he even enjoyed it.
Kevin had stolen credit for Gina’s sales – and god knows who else's.
Fucking. Kevin.
The day our numbers were to be finalized, he had the audacity to place his barcode over mine on a huge sale I’d made – he made no attempt at hiding it – right in front of me. He flashed me a grin as he did.
I caught up with the customers before they checked out and they kindly allowed me to peel the sticker off. I stuck it in my pocket to show my manager.
I pulled the video, too, and I stormed into his office, refused to leave until he watched it. I studied him as his eyes moved across the screen and if he was upset or shocked, he certainly didn't show it.
Finally, he met my eyes, and at the sight of the pain in his – well, for the first time, I felt a sense of relief.
Until I realized why he looked so miserable. Until he whispered, “I'm sorry, Graham. Someone has to receive that award tomorrow. It's out of my hands.”
I wordlessly handed him that damn barcode sticker of Kevin’s that I’d peeled off. He studied it for a long moment before he handed it back to me with a mere, “Why don't you hold onto this.”
I told Elise what had happened over lunch, and as much as I appreciated her outrage on my behalf, I was already resigned to it. I'd mainly wanted to warn her because I had a sick feeling she'd be the one Kevin went after next.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't devastated when, that night, my boss called me into his office and informed me of the final standings. Yeah, I knew it was coming, but I guess it's just human nature to hold onto denial – hope – until the bitter end.
For what felt like an eternity, we stared at each other in silence. The presence of the pink slip of paper lying on the desk between us, said more than enough.
Finally, my eyes drifted down to the form.
He’d already signed, but the space where my barcode – the series of vertical lines spelling out my death sentence – should’ve been placed, was empty.
I never knew how this part went, since it always took place behind closed doors. No one that ever filled out that form lived to tell the rest of us about it.
“I need you to place a barcode here before I send the form to corporate.” he said, eventually.
I opened my mouth for one final, impassioned plea for my life, but he interrupted me. He spoke each word slowly, softly.
“I’m leaving the room now. I need you to place a barcode here, before I send the form to corporate.”
He stared at me for a long moment, waiting for my barely perceptible nod of acknowledgement before leaving me alone in the office.
They processed the paperwork, and announced the Employee of the Year that next day.
Yes, I did feel a pang of guilt as I watched the smug grin fade, the blood drain from Kevin’s face as he stared in shock at the outstretched hand of our manager – as he was thanked for his devotion to our company.
I felt it again as I watched him plead all the way to the breakroom, as our manager spoke to him the same mantra we’d all heard before.
The barcodes never lie.
But I thought of Gina, of the countless others, and by the time I heard the door slam behind him – the guilt was already gone. In its place, the relief of knowing the rest of us were safe.
Well, at least until next year.

[ Notice: Not my article. Link: https://4womaninthewilderness.blogspot.com/2012/08/here-is-answer-to-comment-that-was-left.html ]
~COMMENT:~ Hello Pearl! I can only thank Jah that i found you! After seventeen years as a JW, i found myself so disturbed and distraught (i.e., sighing and groaning) over what was going on that i just couldn't bring myself to attend the meetings anymore. Prior to my departure, i discerned that much of the Society's liturature was laced with poison so i completely stopped reading any of it and began studying the scriptures only. What a difference that made! While i secretly never agreed with some of the Governing Body's official doctrines, policies and procedures (i viewed them as unscriptural, even idolatrous in some cases), when i realized that they couldn't possibly be the "faithful and discreet slave" (that is a future designation and only Jah/Jesus appoint these individuals, not themselves), I got the last bit of courage needed to finally leave and begin searching. Eventually i found your blog and now check it nearly everyday for any new information. A very close friend of mine who has also left after nearly twenty years as a JW (she just couldn't deal with it emotionally/mentally anymore) also reads your blogs and is as electrified as I am to be finally experiencing the true meaning of the "light getting brighter"!
So here's my question: How do we sound the warning that you mentioned? Since it's likely that no one on the inside will listen, what good will it do? Besides, you said yourself that a Christian is not obligated to sow seed among thorns. So while I have the desire to help others get out of symbolic Jerusalem, I do not know how to go about it nor do i see any point in it. Simply mentioning that i was no longer attending meetings (besides making a brief comment about the hypocrisy in the congregation) was enough for one person --someone i considered a good friend previously--to immediately cease all association with me. Thus, even hinting at the idea that the Organization is not all that its cracked up to be will send 99.9% of 'em running with their thumbs in their ears! Please advise. Thank You!
~REPLY:~ I also, am greatly relieved to hear that you have found the truth, which I myself am so grateful to YHVH's spirit for. There are those who read it and recognize none of the truth of the cited scriptures...and then there are expressions like yours, which reveal eyes and ears that are open, and a consciousness of their spiritual poverty (Matt.5:3). This need is keen during this spiritual famine and drought (Amos 8:11; Rev.6:6; 18:8; 12:14)...yet the spiritual pestilence that strikes others with blindness and an inability to hear, keeps them sick and unaware of their dire need (Matt.13:15; Rev.3:17; 6:8). The senseless are the ~great~ ~majority~ (Matt.7:13,14; Luke 13:23,24; Matt.24:22; Ps.94:17,5,8,12,13,14,16,18,20,22,23,20, 21; Rev.20:9,7,8,9; 13:15; 11:7; 6:9,11). So to hear that my labors, (and that of other faithful) are reaching some, is of great refreshment, and relief to my grief (Matt.10:42).
The Bible reads; "But God also rescued Lot out of Sodom because he was a righteous man who was sick of the shameful immorality of the wicked people around him. Yes, Lot was a righteous man who was tormented in his soul by the wickedness he saw and heard day after day. So you see, the Lord knows how to rescue godly people from their trials, even while keeping the wicked under punishment until the day of final judgment." 2Pet. 2:7-9 (Eze.9:4)
"The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." 2Chron. 16:9 A
We see from these three scriptures that Yhwh will not abandon those whose heart is exclusively devoted to Him. He delivers them by His strength (2Chron. 16:9). His Spirit can bring them to the truth (John 6:44; 14:6) as He does for each faithful anointed one, as well as all those who may accept the "fine fruit" the faithful witnesses offer (Matt.10:40,41,42; Matt.7:20; Rev.11:3,4).
Regarding your question, Yhwh has begun to make me aware of what I must do, as well as how to do it. You are right that God's "Land" must be warned (Jer.25:30,29; Rev.2:20; 13:14). It is true that Satan has erected a wall around God's people. It would seem impossible to penetrate that wall with the judgment message. Remember the wall of Jericho? That prophecy will be fulfilled in its grandest meaning, in our very day (Josh.6:8,13; Rev.8:6). I am going to ask everyone whose heart inclines him to obey Eze.33:7,8 to be a part of the upcoming universal witness. For, it is the final one to be given. I am talking to another anointed one about how Holy Spirit is guiding this final warning. I will most certainly post all the details, as we become certain of how to do this in harmony with Yhvh's approval. The wall of Jericho fell, partly due to the blowing of the 7 horns of the priests (Joshua 6:8). This final wall of false teachings, which holds captive God's Called Ones, falls by the same means, as symbolized in Revelation (Rev.8:6). "Whether they hear, or whether they refrain" the warning must be given (Eze.2:5). This warning will be the main tool used to harvest the remaining wheat of anointed, upon which the arrival of the Kingdom awaits (Rev.14:14,15,16; 6:11). It is a very important activity, and I hope everyone possible will offer themselves to support it. The lives of those whom we regard as our "brothers and sisters", as well as the anointed who are still asleep and in chains, hangs in the balance. In fact it would be good to consider all of Ezekiel chapter 2, because it brings up the very "thorns" you mention.
Eze.2:1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10: And he said to me, “Son of man, stand on your feet, and I will speak with you.” And as he spoke to me, the Spirit entered into me and set me on my feet, and I heard him speaking to me. And he said to me, “Son of man, I send you to the people of Israel, to nations of rebels, who have rebelled against me. They and their fathers have transgressed against me to this very day. The descendants also are impudent and stubborn: I send you to them, and you shall say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord God.’ And whether they hear or refuse to hear (for they are a rebellious house) they will know that a prophet has been among them. And you, son of man, be not afraid of them, nor be afraid of their words, ~though briers and thorns are with you and you sit on scorpions.~ (Rev.9:3; Eze.2:6) Be not afraid of their words, nor be dismayed at their looks, for they are a rebellious house. And ~you shall speak my words to them, whether they hear or refuse to hear~, for they are a rebellious house. But you, son of man, hear what I say to you. Be not rebellious like that rebellious house; open your mouth and eat what I give you.” And when I looked, behold, a hand was stretched out to me, and behold, a scroll of a book was in it. And he spread it before me. And it had writing on the front and on the back, and there were written on it words of lamentation and mourning and woe." (Rev.8:13; 20:12)
So while we are not obligated to cast pearls before swine; we need to discern who those swine, dogs, "~thorns~" and "scorpions" are. https://4womaninthewilderness.blogspot.com/2013/06/dogs.html YHVH tells us in Rev.9:3,5,7.These are the ones bearing what seems like "crowns" of authority, an army that goes forth as multitudinous as a locust swarm. Their target? The "unsealed men", anointed previous to their being sealed. Why unsealed? Because they are obviously still under the domination of these "Locust/Scorpions" instead of Yhvh. Only by being set loose (Rev.9:14) from this smoke-like river of Satan's sons and their lies (Rev.12:15; 9:11; John 8:44; 2Thess. 2:3,9; Rev.12:3,9; 13:1,14,6); can these chosen ones become sealed as loyal to Yhvh (Rev.20:4). Yet we see from Eze.2 that a witness still has to be given to the "rebellious house". ~This is the light,~ although these empowered Locust/Scorpions exist, we may not conclude that all "Jehovah's Witnesses" are these "thorns". Only the elders are depicted as having counterfeit crowns of authority. These ones are the "thorns" and "scorpions". Yhvh tells us that they are beyond conversion to truth, by the "breastplates of iron" which they wear (Rev.9:9). While the entire "house"/"land"/"fold" of God's people are blinded by these insect vessels of darkness (Rev.9:2,3; Jer.25:29,30; Rev.12:16) and it causes them to leave loyalty to Yhvh; not all are those insects of authority/elders. We can not condone the idolatry of "Jehovah's Witnesses", nor continue to remain in company with them (Psalm 26:4; 1Cor. 5:11; Rev.18:4). But Ezekiel chapter 2 is clear, we must witness to them this final warning.
Jesus clearly showed me that the great majority will not heed the warning, not because we did not reach them with it, but due to their own hardened hearts, they stand as judged. Yhvh abandons them to their own desire. (Luke 17:28-37 LINK; 2Thess. 2:11; Ps.94:23) I hope you can see why this warning needs to be given. It saves us individually from blood-guilt. It establishes Yhvh's justice in condemning the wicked (who were first given warning). It saves those who can hear. It seals the rest of those who prove faithful, as well as the unfaithful "ten kings" who side with the Beast. All extremely important events of prophecy! I hope all who possibly can, will help. As I said, I will post details as they are established.
Your comments about the reaction of those marked by the Beast, help to illuminate the true identity of the Organization within prophecy. There is no other authority and power on earth, that has this control over people's minds and actions, as does this Wild Beast of Rev.13:8,15,16. We are seeing the fulfillment of that prophesied displaced loyalty and worship of the Wild Beast, right before our own eyes! God's Kingdom draws near!
https://4womaninthewilderness.blogspot.com/2013/05/warning-letter.html
Pearl's letter and Obadiah's letter

I hope you are doing better today than yesterday. (TLDR at the end; or enjoy my story :) )

Why:

About 11 months ago, I launched my app for the first time on lonely because I had previously experienced loneliness myself during grad school. I wanted to reach out to people going through similar experiences by providing them with what would’ve helped me in the past.
I felt this was an important mission for me and a much more rewarding one than my day job that I quit my job to work on the app full-time.
It was necessary because I did not come from a programming background. I knew how to program in the sense of running scientific simulations on MATLAB, but creating the front-end and back-end for a consumer app was totally new to me, so I had to learn from scratch.
I enjoyed everyday going to a cafe to learn from programming crash courses on YouTube, developing the app little by little, and eventually launching the app! The initial response was actually pretty great: 220 upvotes for the app launch post, which I proudly pinned in my bio :)

How:

I made the app to be based on voice, and nothing else: no profiles, no profile photos, and even no texts. The reason for that was I felt a lot of people felt lonely and had trouble finding meaningful online connections because of the modern communication medium which actually promotes superficial and viral contents over authentic and long-form contents. It is easy to see from examples: TikTok’s 30 second videos, Instagram’s eye-popping photos by beautiful people from the globe, and Twitter(X)’s 140-char spicy takes. Sure, these platforms offer us information about DIYs, trends, and news that can enrich our lives and entertain us, but they don’t by all means help us feel more connected to individuals. Even on Reddit, the contents tend to be more wholesome and there are hilarious comments that build on top of each other, but the actual sense of connection you feel with the users is tenuous.
Focusing on voice worked! It was incredible listening to the heartfelt messages from strangers from all over the world who opened up about their loneliness and didn’t mind being vulnerable to other strangers. I have personally spoke with everyone that came by. The 14k minutes of voice messages do not include my own voice messages; they are all messages that people left for their own posts, to each other, or as replies to me.

Highlights:

There were some incredible moments, which would be too long to share in this post (leave a comment if you want to hear more!), but some of the highlights were (note: these are all from public conversations):

• Lady in New Brunswick, Canada was extremely depressed after a difficult divorce and felt being on the life’s edge. She was getting scammed left and right on dating apps and was losing hope. She told me that I was the only one that she felt she could trust and talk to, and she probably wouldn’t be here if I ever stopped talking to her. Thankfully, she eventually managed to find a boyfriend and she thanked me for having always been there for her. She still came back to the app to act as a supporter for other lonely souls for a while!
• Gentleman in New York, USA felt isolated in a farm and felt he had no real connections with anyone. He shared with me and other users about his life growing various vegetables, but stopped coming on the app for a couple of months. When he came back, he was pleasantly surprised by the app’s development, felt I really believed in my mission to help lonely souls, and became an evangelist for my app :) He posted on several forums on Reddit and engaged in conversations with many users on the app.

What was also incredible was that there were not only people experiencing loneliness here, but also people who did not feel lonely but were on the app to support others going through loneliness. They would share stories and studies related to loneliness in their posts, and also try to talk to some lonely folks on the app who seemed very hardened by their experience of loneliness which made them cynical and pessimistic. The concept of compassionate listening by Thich Nhat Hanh and Polyvagal theory that explains 3 levels of our nervous system are a few things they mentioned that come to my mind. Unfortunately, these efforts by supporters were often, so to speak, ineffective in solving people’s loneliness.

What I learned:

And that was part of what made it so hard to have a sustainable ecosystem on my app: many people who have been lonely for a long period of time had their personalities and social skills hardened to the point that they either:

• did not know how to engage with others by understanding social cues and sharing stories about themselves that allow themselves to be vulnerable to others, which allows for deeper social connections
• felt they are never good enough, they are stuck in their situation, and there is nothing that can help them get better. Any help or suggestions offered by others would only work on others and did not apply to them.

My hope for the app was to help people who experience loneliness find and support each other. By providing the platform for them to voice out their stories, have them be heard by others, and find others who resonate and reply, I thought they would finally find friends whom they can relate to, share their lives with, and would no longer have to feel lonely again.
However, the reality was that many were hardened by loneliness and it was hard for such connections to materialize. Plus, one of the main ways for an app like this to grow is by word of mouth. Unfortunately, most people experiencing loneliness did not have anyone to share the app with, which stunted the app’s growth and mostly depended on me manually bringing users onto the platform.
With fewer chances of having good interactions, even the people who really resonated with the app and shared stories slowly stopped coming back. Some just suddenly ghosted, which made the experience on the app painful for other engaged people on the app.

My hope for the future:

I still believe that there are more people out there experiencing loneliness who have the deep desire to share their stories and find the long-term friends across the globe who understand each other and can share slices of their lives with.
So, if you are someone that can benefit from sharing stories and solve your loneliness this way, feel free to check out my app at https://bubblic.app
Also, if you know of any way I can improve the app to better help people experiencing loneliness, please leave a comment.
Lastly, word of mouth would really help. If you like the app, or if you know someone who would benefit from the app, please share it with others!

TLDR:

I created an app focused on voice communication to help lonely people connect, inspired by my own experiences. Despite an encouraging start and meaningful interactions, many users struggled to form lasting connections due to the deep impact of their loneliness. Growth has been slow, mainly reliant on my efforts. If you know someone who might benefit, please share my app: https://bubblic.app. Feedback is also welcome!

I M23 recently got matched with a girl F21. It was a weird profile but curiosity got the better of me. Since girls make the first move on Bumble she started the conversation with a "Hi" followed by a "Supp". Not sure how this could be a great conversation starter but I tried to initiate a conversation by checking her profile for her interests and BAM. We ended up talking about movies. In a great momentum of flirtatious conversation, I asked her out for a movie and she was astonished. But it backfired, Remember how you see some profiles with multiple people and assume one of them is the owner but look at some signs. That's where I made a mistake. I assumed the girl taking selfies in most of the pictures was the one using the profile. She asked me if I knew which one of the girls she was in the pics and I swiftly responded by mentioning the one taking the selfies. WRONG ANSWER!
She started being mysterious leading me to guess who she was and it went on for a while. Somehow we got to a point where I gave her my number and she called me, I wasn't able to pick up cause I had to go somewhere so I simply asked her to that I would be calling later on. Now, I am a tech guy, and somehow I got her details using her number, simply her profile picture, profession, vague address(Area), and more.
Well, I played along for a while cause we were having the same discussion about professions and stuff once we were on a call, and guess what we started playing an MCQ game and I guessed all the answers correctly (Cause I knew 🤷‍♂️). But it creeped me out because, on the first call, she demanded some attention, not directly but you get the idea when conversing. I do WFH and sleep late most of the time. Before she went to sleep she called me again before midnight, and I didn't want to take any immediate steps so I talked to her for a few minutes and got out of it.
The following day I didn't text since I wanted it to settle down automatically and till evening everything seemed fine. But then she video-called me again and I avoided the call. I don't like to ghost since I feel it's rude. The second option was the send her a text to clear things out but I was not sure what to say. I talked to one of my friends and he advised me to simply tell her what I assumed and how it's making me feel weird and that is what I did.
The text I sent her:
Hey I hope you are doing well I have been thinking about mentioning this since yesterday when we matched on Bumble I was under the assumption that your friend owned the profile i.e. my first guess. I found her cute. I am finding it weird to talk, cause of the way I assumed things previously. So I am not sure if I can move forward. Though I enjoyed the conversation and the vibe, I wish you the best moving forward. Thank you
Her response:
Okay Sorry for everything No issues Nice to meet u
Final Outcome: She blocked me immediately and unmatched me on the App 🤷‍♂️ (PS. I am okay with that)
Not sure if my response hurt her, offended her, or gave her a reality check but I am glad that I came out of this situation clean and square.
From my perspective, I swiped right based on the assumption I made that went wrong (I found the girl I assumed cute). Also, I noticed that in every picture she posted she was on the side and even partially trimmed in some. So initially it was nearly impossible for me to guess who she was. And why do I even need to play Russian Roulette on a dating app. Now some of you might wonder the reason I didn't want to move forward with her since at the end of the day she is a girl. Simply saying it felt like I was catfished by the way her dating profile was set and also she didn't seem very enthusiastic about her fitness (Not body shaming)...
I might have missed some details but if it clicked to someone I will try to add them.
Views?

I hope you are doing better today than yesterday. (TLDR at the end; or enjoy my story :) )

Why:

About 11 months ago, I launched my app here for the first time because I had previously experienced loneliness myself during grad school. I wanted to reach out to people going through similar experiences by providing them with what would’ve helped me in the past.
I felt this was an important mission for me and a much more rewarding one than my day job that I quit my job to work on the app full-time.
It was necessary because I did not come from a programming background. I knew how to program in the sense of running scientific simulations on MATLAB, but creating the front-end and back-end for a consumer app was totally new to me, so I had to learn from scratch.
I enjoyed everyday going to a cafe to learn from programming crash courses on YouTube, developing the app little by little, and eventually launching the app! The initial response was actually pretty great: 220 upvotes for the app launch post I made here, which I proudly pinned in my bio :)

How:

I made the app to be based on voice, and nothing else: no profiles, no profile photos, and even no texting. The reason for that was I felt a lot of people felt lonely and had trouble finding meaningful online connections because of the modern communication medium which actually promotes superficial and viral contents over authentic and long-form contents. It is easy to see from examples: TikTok’s 30 second videos, Instagram’s eye-popping photos by beautiful people from the globe, and Twitter(X)’s 140-char spicy takes. Sure, these platforms offer us information about DIYs, trends, and news that can enrich our lives and entertain us, but they don’t by all means help us feel more connected to individuals. Even on Reddit, the contents tend to be more wholesome and there are hilarious comments that build on top of each other, but the actual sense of connection you feel with the users is tenuous.
Focusing on voice worked! It was incredible listening to the heartfelt messages from strangers from all over the world who opened up about their loneliness and didn’t mind being vulnerable to other strangers. I have personally spoke with everyone that came by. The 14k minutes of voice messages do not include my own voice messages; they are all messages that people left for their own posts, to each other, or as replies to me.

Highlights:

There were some incredible moments, which would be too long to share in this post (leave a comment if you want to hear more!), but some of the highlights were (note: these are all from public conversations):

• Lady in New Brunswick, Canada was extremely depressed after a difficult divorce and felt being on the life’s edge. She was getting scammed left and right on dating apps and was losing hope. She told me that I was the only one that she felt she could trust and talk to, and she probably wouldn’t be here if I ever stopped talking to her. Thankfully, she eventually managed to find a boyfriend and she thanked me for having always been there for her. She still came back to the app to act as a supporter for other lonely souls for a while!
• Gentleman in New York, USA felt isolated in a farm and felt he had no real connections with anyone. He shared with me and other users about his life growing various vegetables, but stopped coming on the app for a couple of months. When he came back, he was pleasantly surprised by the app’s development, felt I really believed in my mission to help lonely souls, and became an evangelist for my app :) He posted on several forums on Reddit and engaged in conversations with many users on the app.

What was also incredible was that there were not only people experiencing loneliness here, but also people who did not feel lonely but were on the app to support others going through loneliness. They would share stories and studies related to loneliness in their posts, and also try to talk to some lonely folks on the app who seemed very hardened by their experience of loneliness which made them cynical and pessimistic. The concept of compassionate listening by Thich Nhat Hanh and Polyvagal theory that explains 3 levels of our nervous system are a few things they mentioned that come to my mind. Unfortunately, these efforts by supporters were often, so to speak, ineffective in solving people’s loneliness.

What I learned:

And that was part of what made it so hard to have a sustainable ecosystem on my app: many people who have been lonely for a long period of time had their personalities and social skills hardened to the point that they either:

• did not know how to engage with others by understanding social cues and sharing stories about themselves that allow themselves to be vulnerable to others, which allows for deeper social connections
• felt they are never good enough, they are stuck in their situation, and there is nothing that can help them get better. Any help or suggestions offered by others would only work on others and did not apply to them.

My hope for the app was to help people who experience loneliness find and support each other. By providing the platform for them to voice out their stories, have them be heard by others, and find others who resonate and reply, I thought they would finally find friends whom they can relate to, share their lives with, and would no longer have to feel lonely again.
However, the reality was that many were hardened by loneliness and it was hard for such connections to materialize. Plus, one of the main ways for an app like this to grow is by word of mouth. Unfortunately, most people experiencing loneliness did not have anyone to share the app with, which stunted the app’s growth and mostly depended on me manually bringing users onto the platform.
With fewer chances of having good interactions, even the people who really resonated with the app and shared stories slowly stopped coming back. Some just suddenly ghosted, which made the experience on the app painful for other engaged people on the app.

My hope for the future:

I still believe that there are more people out there experiencing loneliness who have the deep desire to share their stories and find the long-term friends across the globe who understand each other and can share slices of their lives with.
So, if you are someone that can benefit from sharing stories and solve your loneliness this way, feel free to check out my app at https://bubblic.app
Also, if you know of any way I can improve the app to better help people experiencing loneliness, please leave a comment.
Lastly, word of mouth would really help. If you like the app, or if you know someone who would benefit from the app, please share it with others!

TLDR:

I created an app focused on voice communication to help lonely people connect, inspired by my own experiences. Despite an encouraging start and meaningful interactions, many users struggled to form lasting connections due to the deep impact of their loneliness. Growth has been slow, mainly reliant on my efforts. If you know someone who might benefit, please share my app: https://bubblic.app. Feedback is also welcome!

Hi everyone, thank you for taking the time to read about my situation.
For the Spring 2024 semester, I was accepted into a research program at my university. The way the application process works is you are given several different research topics/teams to express your level of interest in. They use this information to help better decide which team to place you in (assuming you are accepted into the program). The structure of each team consists of: 3-4 undergraduate students; a graduate student that mentors and guides the team; and a professor who is faculty who supervises the project.
Throughout the duration of this semester, my team and I have gotten quite familiar with the work we were doing. The professor was rarely a part of our weekly discussion meetings, so it was really the graduate mentor and the undergraduate students working together. While still maintaining the professionalism of conducting research, there was also casual and light-hearted banter that we felt comfortable with.
The research project is primarily focused on mathematics research, but it does require computer programming experience as well. My girlfriend is a computer science major and would sometimes sit in during our weekly meetings to see the research we were doing. I thought that maybe she would enjoy seeing what the work is like. It would also help her decide if this is something she sees herself doing next semester. My graduate mentor took note of her possible interest in doing research in the future.
Additional context: my graduate mentor and his girlfriend both study mathematics, and they both spend a lot of time together in the mathematics department. It seems like they feel comfortable mixing in their personal/professional lives together.
At the end of the Spring semester, research applications for the Fall semester opened up. My partner decided she wanted to give it a shot and decided to apply for the research program. I also decided to reapply to continue my research for next semester. Since we get to choose which topics we felt most interested in, my girlfriend chose a topic she felt most interested (pattern formation), and I chose the topic pertaining to my original research interest (AI). I think both of us had different ideas of which one we felt most interested in doing.
My research team decided to have an end-of-semester dinner to celebrate our research project and achievements for this semester (my girlfriend was not there). My graduate mentor told me over dinner that he decided to put her on the same team as me for next semester. I don't really know how I felt hearing that information, I didn't even know he was a part of the decision-making process. I'm sure he thought he was doing a kind gesture by pairing two partners together on the same research team. But I wish he would have asked me if that was something I was okay with. I don't know why, but as much as I liked having her around, I also felt like some boundaries were being mixed? I want to see my partner as a girlfriend, not as a coworker. Additionally, two of the original research members were graduating and wouldn't be there for next semester and another research member is deciding to not continue. So next semester it would just be an entirely new team (and not the one I bonded with this semester).
In the middle of dinner, I texted my girlfriend about the early information I had just received from my graduate mentor. She said, "How does he know? They already decided? Oh brother. *sends an anxious cat GIF rolling around in bed*". I texted her saying how I remembered she wanted to be a part of the other research team, to which she acknowledged and said she was happy to be a part of my research team.
I do care about my partner a lot, and I also wish to have my work life and personal relationship life separate. My partner and I already have our own lives so enmeshed together on campus as it already is. This past semester, I was working part-time as an assistant in the math department. Sometimes my partner would come by and lounge around the same area I am working in. We would also study together on campus, or try to see each other in between classes or go out for lunch together. When we are not on campus, we would drive each other home and spend our nights together. Admittedly, I do feel like my academic performance decreased ever since I started dating her. My studies are something I care about deeply, and I just need my own time and space to focus on that too. If we are on the same research team together, I won't be able to focus on the quality of my work. I would prefer to have time alone to where I can focus on my work. Outside of that, my time is all of hers! We are both very affectionate and spend a lot of quality time together outside of the academic environment.
I don't know what the dynamic would be like between us if we were on the same research team together. Doing research can be kind of stressful sometimes, and I don't want that dynamic to enter our relationship either. At this point, I'm leaning towards not continuing the research project next semester. I don't want the additional stress, I won't have the same team, and I don't want to mix my relationship dynamics with my professional/work life dynamics. Does this make me an asshole, or is this just me setting boundaries for myself? I don't want my girlfriend to feel hurt or that I am abandoning her (she has a fear of abandonment).
I haven't communicated this information to my partner yet, nor have I told my graduate research mentor about how I feel about the situation. I have until the end of the week to make a decision as to whether I want to pursue this research project. What should I do, how should I deliver this and communicate this? If it helps, we met one year ago and have been together for nearly 9 months (6 months of an incredibly long situationship where I wanted us to be official and she wasn't ready, and now 3 months of exclusive relationship/official couple).
TL;DR: Graduate mentor put my GF and I on same research team next semester without asking me beforehand if that was okay. I would prefer to keep my professional work life and my love/relationship life separate.

Some background. We had a massive fight a while ago because she put up a story and a bunch of guys flirted with her, she then texted me the next day telling me she felt guilty because she said she was receptive to the flirting.
I asked for screenshots and sure enough this guy was heavily flirting and instead of dropping the conversation or telling him she has a boyfriend she kept the conversation going and was in her own words "receptive to his advances" she didn't flirt back per se, but she laughed and joked with him while he was telling her how cute and hot she was, how he wanted to hug her.. I showed my friend the texts and he said he would consider breaking up with her over it. I lost a lot of trust that day.
Since then she seems to be getting close with a male co-worker. She has started walking home with him. They live in the same direction, but she used to take the bus. Walking with him adds 20 minutes at the end of her commute. She works insane shifts sometimes 10, 12 hour days and sometimes 7 days in a row and is often exhausted after work, so she must really enjoy their walks if she would rather walk 20 extra minutes instead of getting the bus home.
She tells me how funny he is and he is really nice. Every time she drops his name I feel a sting of jealousy and insecurity. Up until now I ignored it as paranoia, but now she asked if she can go to his house, the two of them to practice guitar for a party they will be playing at. Its not an official band thing, its a very casual party and they both just want to play some music for everyone.
When me and her were flirting before we got together we used to spend time after work like those two seem to do now, she loved me for my sense of humour, she thinks he is funny, and we discussed me coming over to her house for her to teach me guitar as a date. I see so many parallels between us getting together and her relationship with him. We also met at her work, I have since quit.
She also volunteered to do extra shifts at a festival with him because she is "curious about the festival." It would be just the two of them working together at the festival, there may be alchohol available too I don't know.
Again if she is so tired all the time is her curiosity about a festival enough to make her take on more work? Or is she curious about something else. Like her co worker..
She also told me before that one of her exes "stole her" from her previous ex.. She justified it be explaining how that ex was really not there for her in a lot of ways blah blah blah.
Well she was complaining that I'm not around enough and she feels as though I'm not there for her enough because I'm so busy with my masters. We had a huge fight about it because I was seeing her maybe 3 or 2 times a week and saw my friends once in 3 months because I was so busy but she felt I was not making her a priority..
I'm going over to hers today and I think I'm going to tell her I'm not comfortable with it but I'm not sure.
Should I express this to her? Or let her go to his house ?
Tl;dr - Gf seems to be getting close with male co-worker and asked me if she can go to his house to play guitar together 1 on 1, I'm feeling very insecure about it and don't know what to do.

Some background. We had a massive fight a while ago because she put up a story and a bunch of guys flirted with her, she then texted me the next day telling me she felt guilty because she said she was receptive to the flirting.
I asked for screenshots and sure enough this guy was heavily flirting and instead of dropping the conversation or telling him she has a boyfriend she kept the conversation going and was in her own words "receptive to his advances" she didn't flirt back per se, but she laughed and joked with him while he was telling her how cute and hot she was, how he wanted to hug her.. I showed my friend the texts and he said he would consider breaking up with her over it. I lost a lot of trust that day.
Since then she seems to be getting close with a male co-worker. She has started walking home with him. They live in the same direction, but she used to take the bus. Walking with him adds 20 minutes at the end of her commute. She works insane shifts sometimes 10, 12 hour days and sometimes 7 days in a row and is often exhausted after work, so she must really enjoy their walks if she would rather walk 20 extra minutes instead of getting the bus home.
She tells me how funny he is and he is really nice. Every time she drops his name I feel a sting of jealousy and insecurity. Up until now I ignored it as paranoia, but now she asked if she can go to his house, the two of them to practice guitar for a party they will be playing at. Its not an official band thing, its a very casual party and they both just want to play some music for everyone.
When me and her were flirting before we got together we used to spend time after work like those two seem to do now, she loved me for my sense of humour, she thinks he is funny, and we discussed me coming over to her house for her to teach me guitar as a date. I see so many parallels between us getting together and her relationship with him. We also met at her work, I have since quit.
She also volunteered to do extra shifts at a festival with him because she is "curious about the festival." It would be just the two of them working together at the festival, there may be alchohol available too I don't know.
Again if she is so tired all the time is her curiosity about a festival enough to make her take on more work? Or is she curious about something else. Like her co worker..
She also told me before that one of her exes "stole her" from her previous ex.. She justified it be explaining how that ex was really not there for her in a lot of ways blah blah blah.
Well she was complaining that I'm not around enough and she feels as though I'm not there for her enough because I'm so busy with my masters. We had a huge fight about it because I was seeing her maybe 3 or 2 times a week and saw my friends once in 3 months because I was so busy but she felt I was not making her a priority..
I'm going over to hers today and I think I'm going to tell her I'm not comfortable with it but I'm not sure.
Should I express this to her? Or let her go to his house ?
Tl;dr - Gf seems to be getting close with male co-worker and asked me if she can go to his house to play guitar together 1 on 1, I'm feeling very insecure about it and don't know what to do.

Some background. We had a massive fight a while ago because she put up a story and a bunch of guys flirted with her, she then texted me the next day telling me she felt guilty because she said she was receptive to the flirting.
I asked for screenshots and sure enough this guy was heavily flirting and instead of dropping the conversation or telling him she has a boyfriend she kept the conversation going and was in her own words "receptive to his advances" she didn't flirt back per se, but she laughed and joked with him while he was telling her how cute and hot she was, how he wanted to hug her.. I showed my friend the texts and he said he would consider breaking up with her over it. I lost a lot of trust that day.
Since then she seems to be getting close with a male co-worker. She has started walking home with him. They live in the same direction, but she used to take the bus. Walking with him adds 20 minutes at the end of her commute. She works insane shifts sometimes 10, 12 hour days and sometimes 7 days in a row and is often exhausted after work, so she must really enjoy their walks if she would rather walk 20 extra minutes instead of getting the bus home.
She tells me how funny he is and he is really nice. Every time she drops his name I feel a sting of jealousy and insecurity. Up until now I ignored it as paranoia, but now she asked if she can go to his house, the two of them to practice guitar for a party they will be playing at. Its not an official band thing, its a very casual party and they both just want to play some music for everyone.
When me and her were flirting before we got together we used to spend time after work like those two seem to do now, she loved me for my sense of humour, she thinks he is funny, and we discussed me coming over to her house for her to teach me guitar as a date. I see so many parallels between us getting together and her relationship with him. We also met at her work, I have since quit.
She also volunteered to do extra shifts at a festival with him because she is "curious about the festival." It would be just the two of them working together at the festival, there may be alchohol available too I don't know.
Again if she is so tired all the time is her curiosity about a festival enough to make her take on more work? Or is she curious about something else. Like her co worker..
She also told me before that one of her exes "stole her" from her previous ex.. She justified it be explaining how that ex was really not there for her in a lot of ways blah blah blah.
Well she was complaining that I'm not around enough and she feels as though I'm not there for her enough because I'm so busy with my masters. We had a huge fight about it because I was seeing her maybe 3 or 2 times a week and saw my friends once in 3 months because I was so busy but she felt I was not making her a priority..
I'm going over to hers today and I think I'm going to tell her I'm not comfortable with it but I'm not sure.
Should I express this to her? Or let her go to his house ?
Tl;dr - Gf seems to be getting close with male co-worker and asked me if she can go to his house to play guitar together 1 on 1, I'm feeling very insecure about it and don't know what to do.