This is really hard for me to talk about because I struggle to understand & accept it and I don’t talk to anyone irl about it which sometimes sucks & makes me feel alone. So I’m gonna try this & see if anyone has anything useful to tell me bc I could really use any advice or support right now that I can get. This might be a long story so I’m sorry in advance.
I’m 22 and I’ve lived with my bf (24) for 3 years. We do everything together and in my opinion we’re very close and alike but in his opinion the love that we have/the love he gets from me is not enough bc about a year & a half into living together, we went thru some money struggles & his loss of a close family member which really affected him and he hasn’t really been completely the same since. But even before that loss, about a year & a half into our relationship, he decided to tell me that he’s decided he’s poly. Which I don’t agree with and I’ve made it clear. And I know the normal thing to do in that situation is go okay, well you need to leave him because you both aren’t on the same page with what you want in your relationship. I just want him to choose me and put me first like i do to him, he means everything to me. He is actually the only family i really have which is why it’s extremely hard for me to leave him. but i can feel him slowly slipping away from me. And i have tried to end things before kind of a lot of times, but we never end up following thru with it bc he apologizes, lies & says he’ll choose me over “being poly” , delete all the dating apps, stop liking naked pictures, or whatever the case may be at the time. Or he has said in the past he would go crazy & they would have to put him in a mental hospital if we broke up, bc he can’t handle another loss after his close family member passed. So obviously i feel guilty. I always just hoped in the back of my mind that one day he would wake up from this bullshit and stop with the “poly” phase and be loyal. But it’s not happening. & he always gets back on the dating apps or whatever else he does and acts like i’m in the wrong for not letting him “be who he is” which is “poly”.
In my opinion it’s one thing if he had made this great revelation BEFORE we started dating but it just makes me feel tricked that he didn’t mention it ever once UNTIL we had been living together for like a year already. Bc if he told me that when I met him I never would’ve dated him and I never would’ve fallen in love with him and moved in with him.
I look at his phone about once every 3-6 months & every time i do i find something new & bad. He always turns it on me saying i’m in the wrong for going thru it but I really wish I didn’t have to do that but if i didn’t i would never find out anything. Bc he claims he doesn’t want to waste my time with telling me about someone who’s just playing with him (like something that’s not serious) bc he hasn’t found any girl willing to go fuck off and be poly with him (i don’t think any girl like that actually exists.) despite his ongoing search for a new girlfriend (or “connection”). but yet i feel lied to bc when i look at his instagram he acts single & he dms so many random girls LUSTFULLY. And it’s so embarrassing. On top of that girls rarely reply to him bc no one wants a random man lusting in their dms. I had no idea this was the type of person he was or i wouldn’t be with him. And when i ask him about it he lies or covers it up saying he’s not like that and he isn’t lustful & that being poly isn’t about sex it’s about forming a connection with multiple people. Well if it wasn’t about sex then he wouldn’t be lusting after random girls in their dms. And btw instagram has been an issue in the past due to me finding out he hearted a pic of a girl he knew, basically a nude or a bikini pic. And the way that situation went was that he said omg i’ll delete my whole instagram and i’m done with it since this is a problem. But i told him no stop saying that shit you know you don’t mean it and you’ll be back on it in 3 days. He’s like no i mean it and yeah then in three days he was back on it. This happened a few times with other apps like tinder and every time i’m like please just save it bc we both know you saying you’re permanently off these apps isn’t true.
I don’t even have instagram anymore ever since i saw the bikini pic bc i just didn’t want to spend my energy anymore feeling like i wasn’t as pretty as the girls he follows or interacts with, so i actually followed thru and deactivated my whole account & haven’t been on it since. (at least a year) other than that i don’t use SM other than reddit & lurking on twitter sometimes & watching tiktoks. I’m not a SM girlie it not that I’m not pretty ( not trying to sound narcissistic) but i’m not an ugly girl i just really prefer privacy and don’t like posting myself online. But seemingly my bfs type is SM wh-res and i’m truly not judging the girls, I’m judging my bf.
This morning i looked at his instagram and found some extremely NSFW dms from him to a few random girls & found message conversations with a girl that’s poly that’s out of our state that he talks to often & opens up to her about things he doesn’t open up to me about, and gives her the nicest compliments that he never gives me, says she’s the prettiest girl he’s seen, sympathies w her over her personal struggles w life & relationships, calls the girl his soulmate & says they share a brain, complains about me not accepting him being poly & going thru his phone and being “threatened” by her & has shared some personal details about my life that i don’t share with people even my close friends. and much more. however he still spins it on me being in the wrong for not accepting him and going thru his phone. he never takes accountability for what he does & always lies about it not being as bad as it is and that i’m reading into things. the problem is i don’t believe what he does is poly i believe it to be CHEATING. I believe it is possible to have an honest poly relationship (not that i want one) but what he does is not honest. he has betrayed me, even tho he has never slept with anyone else while we have been in our relationship, and he has only gone on one date in person with someone else throughout our entire relationship (that date ended up going nowhere). (not that he even takes ME out on dates & if he does make a plan to go to the movies or a basketball game he always ends up inviting our friends along everytime.)
He still treats me with love and care & does a lot of things for me , he supported us when we went through our financial struggles after i got in a car accident & couldn’t work, he is always here for me but doesn’t really let me be there for him. I owe him a lot of rent money from the time that i couldn’t work & he paid rent by himself. He doesn’t hold my debt over my head but he mentioned it to the girl on instagram . which made me feel betrayed.
I told him off about what i found in his phone & took pics of the evidence which ive never done before & sent it to him and i want to know if i’m overreacting to his betrayal or if i’m in the wrong for expecting loyalty from my 3 yr relationship. /:
AIO my bf is emotionally cheating on me with instagram girls and out of state poly girl.
thanks for reading

I'm not fawning or fighting anymore.
I've been refusing to participate in the fight to begin with.
Ex. In an old job, my co-worker tried to start drama and scapegoat me about something that happened with a client over messenger. I wrote that it wasn't my fault, left the conversation and refused to engage further. I told manager I no longer wanted said co-worker to be part of my one-on-one meetings with the manager that the co-worker wasn't even supposed to part of and even claimed I was being treated differently because management had a co-worker there while others didn't. She was removed.
There was a known bully at one job that sent me a very disrespectful email. Since she and I didn't even work in the same department, I just decided to cut ties. Sent her an email that since our job description did not require us to collaborate, further contact wasn't required, and that I wished her the best in her cases.
Has anyone reached the point where they just don't care to fight anymore? Or there are just some people it isn't even worth the fight with because they will never enter reason or they are just too biased to be fair. Or just busy bodies who don't have anything to do. We're adults with free will and can choose who we interact with and also who we DO NOT wish to interact with too.
Is there a name for this? Is this a form of fighting? Flight?

I know im probably just reading into the situation but let me just get it off my chest pls. [WLW][Ages: 25-30]
GF and I have been broken up since 5/10. I went straight no contact since. Well as far as communication 😅I have looked at her socials. I know, boo hoo, I shouldn’t have but I did. I started using instanavigation so I wasn’t looking from my own account. tbh idk if it shows the “stalkee” that a bot account has viewed their story or not but I was all up thru that account like all day so if it shows, she definitely knows it’s me :)
This is where idk if I’m flying too close to the sun bc I swear she started posting things for me lol I know how that sounds, believe me, I’ve thought about this rant numerous times before I finally had to get it out. For instance, couple nights before we ended we had a night beach date. She went a couple nights ago and posted a boomerang w the timestamp around the time we went, to one of our songs. She could’ve just wanted to go, right? Wrong! lol no seriously she could’ve obvi but she hasn’t done that in a veryyy long time so why suddenly?
So she had her best friend come visit her over the weekend. They went out and looked like she had a really nice time. Great, genuinely love that for my girl but it was hitting in the feels kinda deep. Had I not went prowling for what I wanted to see, I wouldn’t have had my lil feelings hurt nor got fomo, but I’m td on Reddit for a reason. So got my lil feelings in a frenzy, anxiety spiked, tweaking and twitching from seeing literally 1.7secs worth of the side of her head in the club 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↕️ 😂 I HAD to immediately unfriend her on Snapchat and just go ahead and block her on instagram- thru my account, although we weren’t even friends anymore lol I was in shambles seeing her have fun 😂 and I now think that’s so funny bc why would me seeing her happy and living in the moment upset me to that degree? It’s rhetoric- I’m pretty self aware. Anyways, so I periodically check thru the day to see if there’s any changes. I did the unfollowing shit around 7-9am, idk something early in the day. Fell asleep around 8pm and woke up around midnight? idk give or take. Point is, by the time I woke up, she had also removed me as a friend as well. When I unfriended her, I allowed me to “accept friend” bc I we were still friends but only on her end. When she removed me, we’re not friends at all anymore and the “accept friend” button was replaced w “request.” Now you and I have been orbiting the sun together atp but we’re at the end so hang on! Having just admitted I know I’m like being blinded by this shit I’m still so close BUT I have to see if I’m crazy or not! Is my gut right? Are there actually subliminal hints?!! Yall that’s gone thru heartbreak know what I’m talking about!!! To everyone else the shit sounds crazyyyy and hugging a tree would be recommended but to you, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SEEING and the signs are there 👀 in this scenario, the sign is her looking at my Snapchat every day as well. I would look at her snap score to get a gist of what’s going on. You’re tryna tell me that it’s a complete coincidence that on the day I decided to remove her as my friend, that’s the one day outta the no contact that she decided to look me up? Bullshit amirite? Like cmon man. She had also been looking at snap score to see how frequently I’m using too. How else would she have known that we weren’t friends? She had to be looking for me, ya?
Ok so I have it all figured out then right? Who cares about Snapchat scores and blocking on ig in the grand scheme? I swear I don’t but the circumstances make me care 😔 guys am I on to something? Are the hunches plausible? It’s definitely possible, but I more want it to be probable! 👉🏽👈🏽 Open discussion but nicely pls, as I’m only just a girl! :(

You say it's supposed to feel good Why, then, when you touch my skin, Does it brace so rigidly, so quickly? You craft desires into petrified wood (I become your sculpture, so sickly)
For you, I'll do my little dance Let me reenact the past I'll take it without reluctance, But I just have to ask: Please, after you mold me, Will you let me be? I just want to be alone to see What you've made of me
It hardly feels like my body belongs To me, it seems I exist for others to see A wooden bridge for you to walk along; I Capitulate but ask you to tread carefully (Please, leave room for me to breathe)
I am not as resilient as I seem to you A wooden figurine, sturdy and strong Within, though, I only wish you knew How I feel so irrevocably wrong (And now, I'm gone; what did you do?)
For you, I'll do my little dance Let me reenact the past
Disconnected from my body – my being, I am the object to which you direct limerence Yet, for some reason, you don't see me; You only see what you've made of me since (Just a toy – will you still play with me?)
I'll take it without reluctance But I just have to ask: Please, after you mold me, Will you let me be?
I float, suspended in a hollow daze You've trapped me in this wooden cage, But it won't hold for another minute I am capable of escaping any maze (Here, the past will help me delimit)
Like the endless progression of time, Tears seep from within me, so naturally An involuntary reaction to my pent up rage And that's when I see what's displayed (Before me, the wood has decayed)
I just want to be alone to see What you've made of me
In a decrepit fashion, the wood falls away Water-logged and inundated, I am free Still, I feel hopeless and wish I could stay I never got to see what you made of me (Was I pretty? It all crumbled into the bay)
Please, after you mold me, Will you let me be? I know I can't see, anymore, What you've made of me But at least I'll be free And I know that, henceforth, I am nobody's deportee
Someday, I will catch the crepuscular sun And let it hold me in its immaterial arms Until I feel myself melt into the horizon Apotropaic, I will be, against your charms (I will breathe, free, no more eyes on me)
Comments:

1. https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/s/qUFUBSFvV0
   
2. https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/s/Eg09AkS4c3
   

I revisited this album and now I have multiple questions relating to these two songs that I would like clarity on if anyone has answers, I'll list quotes from the songs, followed up with my questions related to the lines:
​

Whitney's hurt, the purest soul I know, I found her in the kitchen
Askin' God, "Where did I lose myself? And can it be forgiven?"
Broke me down, she looked me in my eyes, "Is there an addiction?"
I said "No," but this time I lied, I knew that I can't fix it
Pure soul, even in her pain, know she cared for me
Gave me a number, said she recommended some therapy
I asked my momma why she didn't believe me when I told her "No"
I never knew she was violated in Chicago, I'm sympathetic
Told me that she feared it happened to me, for my protection
Though it never happened, she wouldn't agree Now I'm affected, twenty years later trauma has resurfaced
Amplified as I write this song, I shiver 'cause I'm nervous
I was five, questioning myself, 'lone for many years
Nothing's wrong, just results on how them questions made me feel
I made it home, seven years of tour, chasin' manhood
But Whitney's gone, by time you hear this song, she did all she could -'Mother I Sober'

(All relevant lines for most context)
1). This is the most confusing one to me. To my understanding this is the moment Whitney finds out about Kendrick's infidelity/lust addiction. It reads as though this convo occurred when he was 25 years old ("twenty years later, after I was five") so this would be at or around 2012-2013, which fits in with him saying Whitney asked him about this soon after the GKMC tour. Which he mentioned earlier on 'Worldwide Steppers'
"good kid, m.A.A.d city tour, I flourished on them stages, Whitney asked did I have a problem I said, 'I might be racist'"
So this kind of makes it sound like this was a conversation they had over a decade ago? The "I made it home, seven years of tour, Whitney's gone" line makes this more confusing because I would assume the GKMC or Yeezus tour or even the Drake one were the first ones he was a part of back in 2012/2013, unless he is just talking about 7 years prior to the original interpretation where he would just be doing random shows back when he was K.Dot. Unless he's saying this is when the conversation happened, they remained together until sometime recently they split, but this would be unsubstantiated. So personally I think it is clear when Whitney found out about his infidelity sometime 10+ years ago, however it's very unclear when or if Whitney is even really gone and if they don't live together, see each other, or parent their kids together. The meta perspective of her appearing on the album multiple times and being a part of the artwork, and posting a ton of her own self growth stuff on IG as well an Kendrick never really saying anything contrary besides this one line leads me to believe they're still very much together?
​

So I set free my cousin, chaotic for my mother's pain
I hope Hykeem made you proud 'cause you ain't die in vain -'Mother I Sober'

2). Obviously this is referring to Kendrick's cousin who is the parent of Baby Keem (who I always thought was Kendrick's first cousin, and not his first cousin once removed), but who is this cousin? Is this the cousin that was accused of touching Kendrick? I assume this isn't the same cousin from Auntie Diaries due to the similar age? Also do we know how or when they died? I feel like I'm missing something obvious. For some reason a Genius annotation says this is a female "his female cousin who’s the mother of Baby Keem" I'm not sure where this is concluded from.
​

"Mother cried, put they hands on her, it was family ties" -'Mother I Sober'

3). This is saying that someone in the family hit his mother, not that someone in the family was the one that molested his mother?
​

"Mother's brother said he got revenge for my mother’s face, Black and blue, the image of my queen that I can't erase" -'Mother I Sober'

4). Kendrick's Uncle beats up another family member to avenge what happened in the previous line above?
​

"I asked my momma why she didn't believe me when I told her "No"
I never knew she was violated in Chicago, I'm sympathetic" -'Mother I Sober'

5). I assume we have no further context to what happened here, whether or not this incident happened by someone in the family or not, just that it happened previously when she lived in Chicago before moving to Compton?
​

My Auntie is a man now -Auntie Diaries
Where is your uncle at? 'Cause I wanna talk to the man of the house -Family Matters

6). Final question regarding 'Auntie Diaries'. There was a little bit of discourse over Drake's line in 'Family Matters' regarding Kendrick's Aunt/Uncle. From my understanding, yes Kendrick's Auntie is a transman, but just because that's the case doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to be referred to as an Uncle. Is it reasonable to believe that because of the title of the song, the repetition of "My Auntie is a man now", and no other indication in the song, that Kendrick's Auntie retained the Aunt title regardless of transitioning to a man? (Technically making Drake's line incorrect/hurtful?) (Note: also in an interview around 2013 Kendrick referred to him as his Auntie then for what that's worth)

Okay. So here is the deal. I’m 25f and I’m burnt out as hell. I just finished a three month backpacking trip and I’m not ready to go back to a job as a horticulturist/botanist. When I left all I knew was that when I came back I wanted to live in New Orleans, I got a job lined up and was ready to full send but when I got back the company pulled some unprofessional shit and gave the position away to someone else. Wild. I think I dodged a bullet. Now I’m hiding out in Tennessee. But I have an apartment lined up in New Orleans- super cheap rent, but no job. I have a potential job offer in Philadelphia- no apartment yet but probably expensive, the job would keep me at the same level career wise. Third option is in St. Louis- I dread going back to the Midwest but the job advances me career wise in a really positive way.
I would ask my aunt and uncle, but god love them, they live in the middle of Tennessee 30 minutes away from civilization for a reason, so their advice is a bit skewed.
I think what led me to such burn out was always prioritizing my work over my mental health. I was at the top of my game before I left my old city, in the highest paying position with the coolest professional development and I left under duress and emotionally snapping from PTSD. I’ve learned I need to eliminate as many stresses as possible and money has always been a stressor for me, being financial stable and able to take care of my self so I would never have to rely on my family has been my sole focus for years. My family has money, but I refuse to take from them because they are rather abusive and can’t comprehend it. I want to eventually move back to Europe and not be in America anymore and trying to solidify a path to do that but I need to make some decisions in the moment before I can make that plan a reality.
So to break it down,
Do I suffer career wise in New Orleans but be happy in my living environment? Do I suffer in my living environment but gain career development in St. Louis? Do I suffer financially and stay stagnant in career development in Philadelphia?
Any advice would be great.

I work in biotech and have been with this company for 3 years. Before that I was with an academic lab/core working with the same things for 2.5 years.
I worked really, really hard at the academic lab. Only took time off if I was sick and then only if I couldn't function. I rarely took a lunch because I was so busy I didn't have time to eat. I'd easily work 10-12 hour days and always got paid for it. My boss was super appreciative and promised me a promotion that never materialized. He blamed it on HR which I want to give the benefit of doubt to him and believe but I never got a promotion. I got tired of the constant push and poor pay. I was about to be living without a roommate and could not afford it. So I looked for a job in the industry and got one.
At first I was excited because it was way more pay and set 9-5 hours and people were pretty relaxed about that. Things went well for the first year. I got to help on projects and it really seemed like the role was working for me. However, I never heard a whisper of a promotion nor any discussions about my career prospects within the group. I felt invisible to my manager and just drifted through the work hoping something would change.
It did in the form of a new manager. My previous one was promoted and someone under her was then promoted who I got along with. I thought "alright, now things might be changing!". They did not as it was the same old same old. He did help me put together some goals to learn new instruments and techniques but I was always so busy I couldn't do them.
A few months later a new guy gets brought in and one day after a department-wide meeting, a bunch of us were asked to stay. We were being moved under the new guy to basically do nothing but what I was already doing. I was furious because it felt like I was boxed into a corner to be yet again forgotten about and left to the wolves. They guy was pretty nice and approachable.
This didn't last more than maybe 3 months before he brought someone in personally to oversee our group since he was the director or whatever of our group (dumb workplace hierarchy stuff). So in about 9 months I'd went through 3 managers. None of whom gave any real guidance and didn't seem to take an interest in being a manager and helping your direct reports grow.
I did not like the new guy at all. He gave me a really weird vibe that just made me uncomfortable. That sort of went away as I got to know him a bit but he was still always a little awkward and off putting to me. By this point I felt completely boxed out of any opportunity. He let me help on a long term project but that's about it. I've been doing nothing but the same thing since I started.
I also struggle with depression, anxiety, and chronic migraines. A fact that I had to embarrassingly bring up in a meeting with him, my previous manager, and HR. I was in trouble because I'd missed 2 days without saying anything. At the time this happened I was experiencing really bad withdrawal symptoms from running out of a medication that took a few days to sort out. I also mentioned my chronic migraines as being a reason for absences and having to resort to PTO since I'd ran out of sick days.
They seemed very understanding and offered me support and just wanted me to fix being late all the time and lower productivity. I did my best and was able to appease them. That is until recently. I'd went on a vacation with my partner and took Monday off the week I'd be returning to work. Except I totally forgot to submit the PTO. I'd thought I had done this, genuinely but my manager was a real dick about it. He clearly didn't believe me, used my last incident against me, called me unreliable, told me to get my shit together because I'd forgotten to do some things that he'd said weren't urgent.
Needless to say, I left that meeting feeling really down but not worried. Then a few weeks ago I took a long weekend to go see a friend. I ended up getting sick with an ear infection the day after I got back so I was out for 2 days. Both were submitted and he knew. The second day, I see another meeting with him, my previous manager, and HR. This time they were far less friendly and understanding. The HR guy accused me of abusing PTO for sick leave (I've been out of sick leave since February due to chronic migraines). Now I'm to go on a PIP and I feel like my days are numbered. I tried to use my latest performance review to stick up for me but my own boss acted almost as if it didn't say what it said and HR guy interrupted me and told me the performance review doesn't matter. So I just shut down and let them speak their piece and then I left the meeting. I feel like my manager just wants me gone and doesn't like me which is fair because I don't like him.
I've already started looking for new jobs but I'm not even sure if I want to stay in this career anymore. I'm burned out and tired. I'm not listened to nor accommodated as I feel this should be. I've applied for FMLA to use intermittently for my illness but I feel their just going to fire me anyway. I'm hoping they offer a severance and me quitting in lieu of a PIP but they probably won't. This company doesn't care about any of us. None of them do.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did you handle it? I also want to sit down with HR myself and tell my side of things now that I've had time to process and collect my thoughts but I don't think it'd do any good. Sorry for the long rambling rant! I tried to break it up into paragraphs instead of a big wall of text.

Apologies for any grammatical errors or formatting errors as I’m not the best at it.
So I all started back around August in 2023 when all this happened. I wasn’t in the right mindset as there were a lot of things going on in my life with losing family members to finding out my mother had dementia to just not wanting to have any sort of outside life and be a homebody. Just out of the blue I feel I just disconnected myself from everything and everyone and was just going to work and nothing else. I stopped talking to my gf without any reasoning after we got into an argument that I can no longer remember what it was about but turned out to be the “trigger” for me to just give up. By this time we had already been together for 5 years and living together for 3 years as well. So it got hard for us as we were both stubborn and did not try to talk after this fight. As time progressed through the months we just stopped talking and did our own thing while still living together and avoiding each other as much as we could. We didn’t talk much other than bills that needed to be paid and purchasing food as well. We somewhat talked a month or so later and mentioned that we were just civilized roommates nothing more and this continued until February of this year. During that time she would go out with friends and dates from what we discussed when we got back together and I would just stay home collecting myself and slowly getting back together by playing COD with friends almost every night.
Once February came around after valentines I decided to talk to her to see what our future would be in terms of selling the house working it out or whatever the case may be. Strangely enough she asked me if I wanted to join her at the movies that day and of course me being the stubborn asshole I am told her no also because I had already made plans to go the the movies with a friend. So she still ended up getting ready and I asked her if she was still going to the movies. She said no that she was going to her mom’s house to see a movie with her niece. I get ready and head out and lo and behold I see her walking to the theatre with another guy. This make my heart drop and realize she lied to me about going to her moms. She notices me and waves me down like nothing and just tells me “oh I didn’t know you were coming to the movies. I’m just here with a friend too” so I tell her what about her moms and said oh no I wasn’t planning to go and ask if I wanted to meet him. Wanting to call her bluff I decide to say no and drive off. She continues to call me and Ignore her and go with my friend to eat instead. I’m definitely devastated by this considering I was going to talk to her about making up and seeing if we still had a future or not. I understand that we were not together during this time but seeing it actually hurt more than just knowing. The day comes to an end and we decide to talk that night. We talked about the 6 months that passed what we did(not in detail) and if we really wanted to work things out. We agree to work it out and move forward.
During this time it’s still fresh and I notice the guy is still texting her and possibly others she dated a month before. I bring it up to her to discuss it and I ask her to please let them know we are trying to work it out and not to think she is available. Time passes by for about 2-3 weeks after we talked. The guy is still messaging her and i bring it up again that it’s not right and that she should say something. So she finally decides to meet with him in person to let him know that she is trying to work it out with me and that she needs some space. Only I come to realize later this month(May) that she told him she needs time for herself and did not mention trying to work it out with me.(could this be a red flag?)
As time moves on we have little hiccups here and there and I start to feel this guy feeling that doesn’t sit right with me. Not sure if what it is but it makes me feel down and my mind starts to wonder. I can’t help to wonder that she is still messaging someone else and I begin to investigate. This is all happening in May and by this time we are good(or so we say but don’t feel it) and by this time I find out that her close friends which is two do not know about us working it out and a new close friend she made at work as well does not know about us. Which is fine I guess but it kinda bothers me because her new close friend has a friend that introduced her to him to see if they can hit it off. This triggers something for me and I ask her why hasn’t she mentioned that we are talking but her excuse is she’s afraid that she’s going to look stupid in front of her friends if I leave her again like I did 8 months ago..I understand where she is coming from but I we discussed earlier I tell her I am devoted to her and want to make this work because I love her. Maybe I am looking too much into this but I figured by now she would’ve mentioned something that we are trying to work it out and are back together again since February.
So a couple days ago I get that feeling again and try to push it away but I still have that gut feeling something isn’t right. This past Friday we decide to go to the movies and make plans. All of a sudden she decides not to go to a certain theatre and go to a different one instead. I figured oh nice we get to go to another one since they serve food there so it’s a bit fancier. Before we go we decide to have lunch and then go. During that time she decides to switch it again and say to go back to the original place. So I don’t mind and say yes so she goes to the app to get the tickets. I get up to get a refill and decide to watch over as she does and she brings to panic. She tells me she wants a refill too even though her cup is almost full. I tell her she doesn’t need one but insists that she does but I tell her no and play if off as I am leaving. As I turn back I notice she is messaging someone and then goes in to cancel a ticket the guy made for her. I knew about her going to another movie after ours with her friend and the group but didn’t know she was messaging him directly. I ignore it rather than bring it up for now as I do not want to start an argument or ruin the date we are having until tonight. The night continues and we go home and go to sleep. Meanwhile my mind is all over the place and I can’t stop thinking about it and why is she messaging him.
The next day we make plans to do our own thing and she has plans with her friend. My mind is racing as I start to think if she is actually going out with her or with this guy who I find out later she invited to the movies..the plan was to go to lunch while I work on some things at the house and then meet up to take the dog to the vet. She leaves and I begin to let my mind unravel and by this time I’m just trying to keep my sanity but I decide to do something stupid. I call the restaurant to see who she is with. Probably the lowest I’ve gone to creeper status..but my mind and my heart are just in so much pain thinking of that time I caught her with another guy. I find out it’s just both of them so I am relieved.
She comes back for lunch and I head over to pick up the dog to go to the vet only to find out the waitress told her I called the restaurant to see if she was there.(again my fault because I told her I had a surprise for her 🤦🏼‍♂️) she asks me if I called the place and I said yes. My thing is always about honesty and loyalty. I own up to what I did for the reason I did it and apologize. She tells me she got embarrassed because her friend who has been against me since day one just tells her that she should move on and not do anything with me. Which I understand but all my gf has told her is the negative things and not about us trying to fix it and her being caught doing things as well. Which is fine because any friend will obviously take their side.
By this time we stop talking and she stays at her mom’s house to cool off. I message her asking if we could talk but this time I want to let it all out. How I feel what I’ve seen, how this is emotionally, physically, and mentally draining me. We’ve had these talks before and even before we got back together as well. I have given her an out that is she does not want to be with me then we can break up and move on with our lives. We do still owe on the house but I have even told her we can sell it or I can just leave and my part of the house would be lost because I do not care for the money. I would just find an apartment and live my life and she can continue talking to the man or men and pursue what she wants with them. I’ve mentioned that I am willing to work it out because I know I still feel something for her and I want to spend my life with her if she is willing to as well. Multiple times has this conversation been brought up and in the end she says she loves me and wants to work it out.
She comes home changes I get her a drink and snacks and turn off the tv. I had already written down key points of what is bothering me and what I feel is hurting us and me. So I explain to her that i do not like how she has kept us a secret that we are trying to work things out with her friends. It’s been two months and they still believe she is single and having dates and this is something that even though they are probably against me on she should still be mentioning something. She tells me that she’s afraid to look like an idiot and will tell them later. Am I wrong on this?
Then I mention how I saw the messaging and sometimes in the middle of the night she gets a message from this guy. I know that her friend tried to hook them up even though she says she didn’t and also mentions that he is just a friend of the group. I tell her it’s not right because he doesn’t know either that’s she is with me and trying to make it work and how she was acting weird that day I saw the messages. She says there is nothing going on but I feel otherwise and I know I’m not wrong. I tell her again that if she is interested in him then we can break up and she can pursue it if she decides. I ask her who it is and she tells me the name and is the guy that they were trying to hook up together. The guy messages her every morning and I’m sure throughout the day as well. What I can’t wrap around my head is that why would she do this if she is commuting to me and yet is disrespecting me in this way even after I ask her if they are messaging and she says no. But yet I happen to see the messages between them and she still denies it. During our talk it goes back and forth and tears and coming down. So I ask her to show me her phone messages and she begins saying no and that she doesn’t want to when I easily offer my for her to go through as I have nothing to hide. She finally agrees to do it and I see a whole lot of messages but she only shows me photos that they share of her dog, nice and Katy Perry. Only showing me what she wants me to see even though they have messaged throughout the day. I also noticed that she had the messages on silent as well and her excuse is that so I don’t get mad if I see his name pop out. We go back and forth on this and I tell her if she is interested in him then to leave me and we can move on. I can’t explain it any more clearer that we cannot be together if she is having something with him. I tell her I want her loyal, trustworthy, and honest with me if we are going to make it work. She says she still wants to work it out since she says she loves me but is just afraid that she will get hurt. Which I understand but I am willing to make up for what I did and prepared to spend my life making up for what I did and being happy. Moving forward after everything we have a clean slate and see how this goes..I asked her if he messaged her yesterday and she says he did about Katy Perry and just random text. Come this morning she happen to leave her phone unlocked and I noticed he messaged her good morning and responded to her conversation they had as it seems that she deleted the text she sent him and he responded this morning. I’m so confused as she tells me she loves me and wants to be with me and shows me affection, support and everything else we discussed as if nothing is wrong but still messages this guy on the side while they are on silent. I also noticed she deleted the chat history and started fresh as well since Sunday. idk what to do anymore I am so torn right now…i wanted to spend my life with this girl and only to find out she is still doing this and also may be going on a trip with her friend and their group which includes this guy as well without me since she wants to be able to spend time with them separately which I’m fine with me as I have no problem with that other than the guy she’s been messaging will be there. What can I do..I feel like I have already been transparent about how I feel and what is expected but to see these messages and even when asking her absolutely it she says no makes me wonder wtf is going on…why not just leave me. I don’t want to be checking her phone when I get a chance as I feel that puts me just as guilty. Please help.
Should I just move on and start new? Or should I continue to be with her and see how it goes?

Let me start this off with saying my wife (33) and I (33) have been together for 13 years total and married for 3. We had a baby in 2022. She is now almost two. My how the time has already gone....
Anyway. My wife is, to put it bluntly, lazy. She blames everything else but herself. We both work full time jobs Monday-Friday. Both administrative type positions though mine is more physical because I work in the sheet metal manufacturing industry.

1 issue

My wife does nothing. Absolutely nothing. I pay all the bills, clean the home, do the yard work, clean the cars, cook all the food, do all the shopping, all of it. Everything. I have asked several times if she can please step in and help. I will stress to her how stressed I am having to take care of EVERYTHING. But nothing. Sometimes it works for about a day or a week but then back to normal.

2 issue

The phone. It's glued to her hand all the time. As soon as she gets home from work she uses the restroom and sits in the living room and gets on TikTok or Facebook. It's all day. I always ask NICELY "hey, why are you always on your phone?' immediate attitude and defense on how she was just "quickly" checking something then a few minutes roll by and she is back on it. Meanwhile I am entertaining our daughter. All the time. She is always in trouble at work for not completing tasks and says it's because she has too many responsibilities, yet she sends me several TikToks per day and always tells me what she seen on TikTok while at work.

3 issue

I cannot talk to her without her blaming everything else and crying and leaving the room. I have tried getting her on board with at LEAST splitting responsibilities at home and it never works. Even tried limiting phone usage to pay more attention to what's important like our daughter and our home life. Doesn't work. It's funny, she constantly talks crap about OTHER women doing the same exact things she does. She tells all her friends "We help each other out"..... No. I do. You don't.
On top of everything, I have several issues I deal with daily. Mental especially. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about the "other" way out. But I have a daughter and she's the reason I keep pressing on. But it isn't fair anymore and I'm sick of it. I do not believe in the D word after marriage. It solves nothing.
She doesn't seem to take anything serious..... ever. And I do not know what to do.

i was seeing someone on an off for a little over a year. we were off for a while and he started seeing someone new. i was understanding of this (although it hurt) because we were not together.
a few months back we worked things out and he was not with her anymore. i recently found out that he was continuing to be with her and me at the same time. once i found this out i cut things off completely.
i gave him the last of his things. while doing this i asked him why he would come back around and work things out when all along he was talking to someone else? i wasn’t expecting a great response but he was so cruel. he said that it is what it is and he worked things out with the other girl so he’s fine. i asked him if he even cared that he did this to me and he said that he’s honestly fine and nothing in his life has changed. i told him i thought he was being completely disrespectful and was shocked he didn’t have anything to say for himself.
i guess i am looking for some advice. i’m not heartbroken but i am pretty hurt by the situation. how can someone be with you for so long and not care when things are done/not care that they hurt someone they claimed to love?
also! any tips on keeping yourself busy or motivated through a breakup?

Synopsis:
Carlos was an ordinary software engineer on Earth, up until he died and found himself in a fantasy world of dungeons, magic, and adventure. This new world offers many fascinating possibilities, but it's unfortunate that the skills he spent much of his life developing will be useless because they don't have computers.
Wait, why does this spell incantation read like a computer program's source code? Magic is programming?
___
<< First < Previous Next > (RR) or Next > (Patreon)
"So, in short, the most stuck-up bully of my life is now begging for our help to fulfill his greatest dream, because we've happened to become his only remotely realistic hope of achieving it. Do I have that right?"
Carlos looked up from his plate of succulent roasted meats and vegetables, all covered generously with a rich gravy, and raised an eyebrow at Amber. They were in Mayor Stelras's personal dining room, enjoying the service of his personal chef. "You know you do. You've read the letter yourself, what, a dozen times now?"
Amber set the letter aside yet again and took another bite of her own lunch. "Yeah, I know. It's just…" She shook her head and chuckled. "Out of all the things that happened the last few weeks, this one is somehow the hardest for me to believe is real. It's ridiculous. I know it's ridiculous. I've personally met and spoken with royalty! Kindar should be nothing compared to that! But, somehow… This is hitting me harder than anything."
Carlos nodded calmly. "Makes sense to me. The presence of royalty is completely new to you. It's huge and important, and far beyond anything you ever expected might happen, but the only thing you've experienced before that's different is its absence. You don't have any memories in the back of your mind telling you 'that's not how this is supposed to work.' For Kindar, you have a lifetime of memories telling you that he's more powerful and better supported than you are, and that you're mostly helpless against his bullying. Now that you're the one in power, and he's the one helpless against you, that's not just new, but contradicts a lot of your past experiences. Some part of you in the back of your mind is having difficulty reconciling the contradiction; it's like you have a subconscious voice shouting 'that's wrong; it's not how this is supposed to work!' For meeting Princess Lornera, that voice is only confused and surprised, not feeling like something's wrong."
"Hmm." Amber cocked her head and paused. She looked down and idly speared another forkful of tender steak. She made a few more contemplative sounds as she chewed and swallowed. "That makes some weird kind of sense. I think." She shook her head. "How did you know that? I never would have figured it out."
Carlos chuckled. "Don't feel bad about it. Not many people would ever figure out that kind of thing about how human minds work without being taught. I certainly didn't. My dad's a therapist, and he taught me a lot."
Amber blinked, then blinked again. "I have never heard of that profession before. In fact, I think it doesn't exist here."
Carlos realized on reflection that "therapist" hadn't translated. There was no word for it in Ganler, the native language here. "Huh. … I hadn't thought about it, but I'm not surprised. It took a long time for people where I grew up to realize that kind of thing can be important. Or maybe the hard part was realizing that it takes education and training to do it well."
"Ah."
They ate mostly in silence for a while, occasionally humming in thoughtful consideration while they chewed. Eventually Amber was leaning on her elbow, just watching as Carlos scraped up a few last bits of gravy from his plate. She stared distantly at nothing. "Hmm… You know, I'm tempted to actually accept, just so I can rub his face in how I succeeded better at his own greatest ambition than he ever will."
"Hmm? Oh right, Kindar." Carlos chuckled. "I imagine a few sessions of smugly condescending to him would be rather cathartic revenge for you. Would it be worth the downside of helping him actually achieve his ambition, at least to a minor degree, though? I'm sure that if Darmelkon had any other viable options for helping his son with this, he would have taken care of it years ago. If we refuse, we'll be denying Kindar from achieving his ambition at all. Wouldn't that be better revenge?"
"Logically, yeah, that makes sense. But it just doesn't feel satisfying to me." Amber took a sip of water and pushed her empty plate away. "I want to show him how badly we outclass him now. I want to see his face when he realizes that he will never measure up to the 'annoying stupid girl' he used to tease."
Carlos put his hands together, resting his elbows on the table, and rested his chin on his hands as he looked at Amber. "Not to mention how much money Darmelkon will pay us for doing it." His voice was calm and level.
Amber nodded quickly. "Yes, that too."
"You realize we're already rich now, right? Receiving taxes, and all that."
Amber threw her head back laughed uproariously. When her laughter finally tapered off, she leaned forward and looked Carlos in the eyes. "You may have heard that Darmelkon is rich, but you clearly don't understand how filthy rich he really is. Yes, I was shocked when he offered a hundred gold bounty for finding us back before we became nobles, but that was only because I didn't know why he considered us valuable. For this? For helping his son achieve his otherwise impossible greatest desire? A price in platinum would be cheap! I would bet that he'll pay in mythril and be glad about it."
"Hmm." Carlos quickly did the math in his head. 100 gold was roughly equivalent in value here to a million dollars on Earth, and is also equal to 1 platinum. So 1 million dollars per platinum. 100 platinum is 1 mythril. So each mythril coin is around the same order of magnitude value as 100 million dollars. Just 10 mythril to match a billion dollars. "Okay, that's more than I thought. So he's a major business tycoon? What the hell is he doing living in a backwater in the middle of nowhere like Erlen?"
Amber shrugged. "I have no idea. Ask him."
Carlos stared for a moment and snorted. "I suppose it doesn't matter." He took a deep breath. "Alright, I guess we're at least seriously considering it after all. So, let's break it down, pros and cons. Pros: personal satisfaction for you, Darmelkon loses any basis for claiming we still owe him a favor, and we get a ridiculous amount of money. Cons: Kindar becomes a noble. Also, we have to put up with him being here for a while. Anything else?"
"Another one for pros: Even with the favor and Darmelkon paying so much, Kindar himself will personally owe us, bigtime." Amber grinned. "His house will just about be permanent vassals in service to us."
Carlos hesitated, then frowned. "… Just how much, and how long, do you intend to keep paying him back for how he treated you?"
Amber raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "…Until I get tired of it? I don't know."
"I'm all for giving him a well-deserved comeuppance, turning the tables, and giving him a taste of his own medicine to teach him a lesson. But I will not countenance continuing to humiliate and abuse him long term!" Carlos shook his head emphatically. "If we do that, we would be bullies just as bad as he was. I hate bullies, and I refuse to be one."
Amber slowly lowered her eyes, blushed, and nodded shyly. "I… You're right. That is not the kind of person I want to be. I'm sorry for suggesting it."
Carlos leaned forward and reached out to gently put his right hand on top of her hands. "It's okay. What's important is that you recognize your mistakes, learn from them, and make yourself a better person. My parents taught me that very, very thoroughly."
"Yeah." Amber sighed and shook herself. "Thanks. I'll try to remember that. And… Should we just call off the whole idea?"
"Only if you truly want to." Carlos squeezed her hands gently. "If you can get some satisfaction without taking it too far, then that's completely okay, and you were right that there are serious benefits to it. Even having him as a vassal house, as long as we treat him reasonably. Though… Hmm." He frowned. "There has to be a reason why strong noble houses aren't raising up new vassal nobles all the time, right? It's not all that hard to make a noble soul plan if you know the requirements details."
"I suppose. Lorvan probably knows the reason."
Carlos nodded. "Yeah. I feel like he might just ask if we can figure it out ourselves, like he did about nobles keeping mana wellsprings, though…" He shrugged. "I'm sure Darmelkon knows too, and he wouldn't have asked if the Crown forbids it, or anything like that. He's ambitious and ruthless, not stupid. We should ask, certainly, but I expect any consequences we might have overlooked will be manageable. As I see it, the core question is just…" Carlos reached his other hand forward, firmly clasped and lifted both of Amber's hands, and looked her in the eyes. "Amber, what do you want to do with this?"
Amber stared back for a moment, then averted her gaze. "Don't you have an opinion about this too? Why are you only asking me?"
"Of course I have an opinion, but all he did to me was loan me a sword in a dungeon and then act rude and arrogant when he demanded it back afterward. You are the one who grew up being bullied by him. How to treat him matters far more to you than it possibly could to me." Carlos squeezed Amber's hands reassuringly. "Amber, please, look at me." He waited, and after a few seconds Amber hesitantly turned her head to face him directly again. "My opinion on this is that I want our response to be something that you will be content and happy with. All other relevant considerations that I can think of are less important than that."
Amber stared and slowly nodded. "I… Thank you." She squeezed Carlos's hands back and awkwardly extracted her hands from his grip so she could lean forward and rest her head on them, propped up by her elbows on the table. "I think… I do want to accept, but maybe with some conditions. I still want to show him up in person and see his reaction. Part of me still feels afraid of him, and I want to prove to myself that he doesn't have the power to threaten me anymore. That seems like something your 'therapists' would say something about. Would they say it's a good idea? Do you know?"
Carlos nodded. "Yes, absolutely. Standing up to something you used to fear is a great way to resolve residual fear of it that lingers in your mind."
"Then, yeah. I want to do that, and I do still want to get some payback." Amber hesitated. "But if I start bullying people like he did, I'd start hating myself as soon as I realize it. So, no bullying. And that goes for Kindar too. If he can't learn to stop being a bully, then he doesn't deserve what he wants. Let's give him a chance. Make our conditions clear, and demand partial payment up front, but give him an opportunity to earn our help."
"That sounds fair." Carlos cocked his head and frowned in thought. "Having him with us may require adjusting some of our plans. … Actually, we're overdue for making certain plans in the first place. I got a bit too carried away with my excitement over all the spell keywords we can learn now. Sorry."
Amber grinned. "Have you forgotten that I told you I'm well known for always having a plan? What do you think I've been doing the past two days?"
Carlos raised an eyebrow, then grinned back at her. "Oh really? Let's see what you've got!"
<< First < Previous Next > (RR) or Next > (Patreon)
Royal Road Patreon Discord
Royal Road and free Patreon posts are 1 chapter ahead.
Please rate the story on Royal Road!
Thank you to all my new patrons!
Special thanks to my Mythril patrons Scott Snyder and Barbar!
Patreon has 5+ advance chapters if you want to read more.

This is my first real relationship I’m in my 20’s I have been with my bf almost 4 years. I have been previously SA multiple times by a family member from age 11 until 16. I have been having these thoughts for almost 3 years they started when I was 1.5 year into my relationship when he left me on a 3 week vacation I started getting what if thoughts and then they turned into statements. However the rocd has not gone away in a year and a half. However now I get thoughts my bf is “ugly” and it feels like I purposely think it… it hurts me it makes me google and freak out as Ik he is perfect this all started when my family called him fat and ugly when they were mad at me and it’s like all I can think abt. Idk if my gut is telling me to leave and I’m so scared I feel like I’m going to throw up, I don’t want to leave him but I don’t care a future as easy as I used to:( I’m so fucking scared as I don’t wanna hurt him ever and I also do not wanna leave him I couldn’t picture my life without him. But the thoughts don’t feel intrusive anymore it feels like I’m thinking these mean things. Please don’t tell me to leave him as I don’t want to.

*tw: dating at early age (for those of you who always get annoyed lmao),, i know we’re young, we make mistakes yadayadayada i know y’all are probably thinking “eh why so young date already ah” but to be fair we’re all curious kids so- can’t stop it from happening if it happens 😃
backstory: alright so in 2022, i (15F) was talking to a guy (15M, aka person A) for at least 2-3 months, seemed nice, and then we had a relationship that lasted around 3-4 months (we broke up on christmas day 😅)..
anyway, so yeah we kind of broke up on “good terms”? (broke up because i told him we’re better off as friends since we couldn’t meet each others’ expectations as a couple? he was emotionally unavailable and was very insecure throughout the relationship, and would often break boundaries that i had already set in place, and i had already let him cross too many — i know that’s on me because i didn’t enforce my boundaries as firm as i should have — but anyway he wasn’t a bad friend to me so i thought, why not go back to being friends?) or so i thought 💀
a few days after we broke up, i found out through HIS friends that he was talking shit about me? (e.g. calling me a slxt, told his friends that i cheated on him with FIVE?? not one, not two, but FIVE guys 😭 my thoughts: wow i didn’t know i had so much time in my life to cheat on you?) but at that point i was already done with him because i honestly couldn’t be bothered? and he wasn’t even my problem anymore! so obviously i proceeded on with my life and focused on my studies.
story: now, it’s 2024 he’s 17, i’m 17. introducing my best friend (17F, person B). person B has been with me since the beginning of 2020, we of course had our fights and drama, but we stayed despite them and learned to love one another with our flaws (platonically obviously).
so person B was around when i was dating person A, and they became friends. however, when i broke up with person A, he still kept contact with person B. (they talk in school sometimes)
as of now, person A and person B are close friends, and when i say close friends, i mean they call each other (one on one) sometimes, he updates her about almost everything in his life, he invites her for outings (just the two of them), and always asks for her thoughts on stuff.. and you may be thinking, “omg how would you know?” ☺️☺️ well person B tells me!
in my opinion, i don’t really care much if you were friends with my ex, because honestly speaking, he’s human too and he needs a community to talk to as well, BUT you do not have to share with my everything about my ex’s current life 😭 (doesn’t matter love life, healthy life, whatever life).. i’ve chosen to move on from him, leaving him as a part of my life in my high school days and i do not need or wish to involve him in my life again? i’m sorry but that’s what i have decided on for my life.
i don’t know, does it make me sound like i have not gotten over my ex? because i swear im over him, i just don’t need to hear about his life that often, and i get really annoyed at it too 😭 and whenever i react to something he does to me after the break up, (e.g. liking my story) she just tells me that im overreacting and that he’s just being friendly..
and also, the thing is person B knows what my other friends (they do not interact with person A at all) think about their friendship (person A + B) and she’ll keep on telling me “yo i feel guilty because people will think I’m such a bad friend for being close with your ex” and i’ve told her countless times “i really do not care if you’re friends with him, it’s your life”
so am i in the wrong to be reacting this way when person B tells me about person A’s life? am i really just overreacting when it’s just a small issue? and what do i do because i obviously don’t want to hear about person A.. but i do want my friendship with person B to continue..

I meant reacted sorry for the typo 😭
Hi, so this is my first post so I’m unsure on how to word it but I’ll give a little backstory. I (18f) live with my mum (44), my sister (17), and my brother (12). My dad’s a narcissist so we never had the perfect upbringing and a lot of problems happened.
So uh a couple of weeks ago I got into an argument with my mum. I was upset at something that happened with my boyfriend, so I wasn’t exactly in the right mental state right then and there. My brother and sister were arguing over the WiFi as it was being funny so I (being upset and getting annoyed) told them to shut up and that my sister should just turn it off if something was happening.
20 minutes later my mum shouts me down, (I’m guessing my sister told my mum about what had happened). My mum was going on about how I can’t “talk with an attitude” with everyone- again I was annoyed with the arguing and I tried to resolve it (I probably should have done it with a better attitude I’ll admit) and it ended in a screaming match as I walked away since my mum was getting pretty aggressive. I won’t exactly say what happened but it ended up with some shoving and some hurtful things being said.
Anyways, I hadn’t talked to her for about 2 weeks as I was trying to let the situation calm down. And today, as we was all eating my brother was talking to me about his friend. And I had listened to him all throughout and at the end I had said “honestly, I don’t really care about your friend”. I was being honest as everyone tells me to be. My mum turned to look at me and started shouting at me. She had ragged my headphones off my head and got into my face. She had said that I should talk to him better and some other things. She then tried to take my phone away (btw it’s the phone I paid for with my own money). Once she had backed away I decided to walk upstairs to calm myself as I was crying.
As I was packing my bag (I asked my nan if I could stay with her for tonight as I didn’t feel comfortable in my own home), my mum came into the bedroom trying to shove me onto the bed so we could “talk”. I didn’t want to as I was crying, and kept packing my bag.
I guess that was my first mistake as she went on a 30 minute rant about how hard it is for her and how I’m a “spoilt little bitch” and that I should never have kids.
I am now at my nans trying to calm down.
I understand that I’m not the best daughter and that I should not have done what I did. But idk I just feel like everyone is making me seem like the villain and not hearing about how it makes me feel. Don’t get me wrong she’s not a bad mum and I love her, but I just can’t deal with this anymore.
If you need any more details I’ll be happy to answer.

tw//abuse maybe?? I'm really not sure if it counts as abuse, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry if it's too long I wanted to keep it short but I kept remembering things
My sister(26) and I (23f) live together since I'm 16. We used to live together with our parents but we had to leave that place for personal reasons. She took the role of a mother for me which I'm both grateful and sorry for but our relationship has gotten worse with time.
After my graduation from highschool, I took a gap year because I didn't like the college I got into so I decided to give it an another shot. Since I was in the apartment all the time I was expected to do all the chores around the house. I didn't know much about cleaning and other stuff and to be honest I lacked a lot. I still like to think that I did my best, even though she didn't think it was enough. One day I wanted to clean the house with more effort because she told me I was lacking for the past few days. I cleaned for hours and I also cooked for her. I was so excited to show it to her so I sat down and waited for her to come from her class. I got up and welcomed her by the door. She took one look at the apartment and started punching me on the stomach. She was crying and calling me names. I had bruises for a while. We didn't speak of it afterwards. I asked about it a few years later and she said that she doesn't remember doing that to me, that she must've been out of her mind. She laughed and we moved on from that.
I don't have clear memory of everything because I have terrible memory from all the childhood traumas I had to endure. Which I think it's something she uses against me. Whenever I confronted her with something she had done, she'd ask the exact date of it happening... And when I couldn't answer, she'd simply say that it never happened.
She has always told me that I was so selfish, annoying, evil, enemy(yes she has called me her ememy multiple times) and more and I used to believe it because I didn't have much friends at the time so there was no one to tell me otherwise.
Before she got a job(untill few months ago, I mean) Our parents used to sent us money for both of us to share. But since she was in the control of the money. I wouldn't get much. I don't have much clothes unless i save up and buy for myself. All my things are old and broken. And she lives in such luxury. She always buys stuff for herself and whenever I asked for money for something she'd either yell because we have no money or she'd tell me we'll get it next month(we would never) And I never asked for anything luxurious. I never asked for something I didn't desperately need because I knew that she'd yell at me even for asking.
I don't lack at cleaning anymore. I cook everday for her. I take care of everything that doesn't have anything to do with her job and education. I fixed myself in ways that I didn't even know was a flaw. But I'm still not enough. She stole 30k(not in dollars) from me and I said nothing. She would put her trash and dirty laundry in my room and I said nothing. I can't confront her with anything without it turning into a fight. I can't set boundaries. I can't insult her or gaslight her the same way she does. All I know is communicating and it doesn't work with her. So I decided to say nothing other than the important things. She started to treat me like shit because of it. She just looks at me with hatered in her eyes because I won't talk to her. I don't know if what I'm doing is wrong or right. I'm genuinely asking if I'm doing something horrible? I love her and I'd do anything to fix our relationship. I'm ignoring her around the house at the moment.
(I'm okay with being wrong but please say it nicely I'm in a sensitive state right now.)

We moved in together 2 years ago and had our suprise baby at the same time. We/he bought a house and both our names are on the mortgage, but he pays for it all and majority of the bills. Still, i pay for hydro, propane, my phone bill, car insurance, my own gas. Since my maternity was up he has constantantly pressuring me to get a job and contribute but i cannot work due right now due to my mental state, which is only being made worse because of the pressure. My mental health severely declined after having my kid, i can barely function and take care of myself, let alone my daughter, and get a job on top of it. I am diagnosed with several disorders. I would be eligible for disability but my partner makes "too much" although we are pretty much living paycheque to paycheque. Every day is filled with anxiety and dread on how im going to pay my bills. I cant eat, i always feel sick, im barely 100lbs. I started babysitting for cash which is the only thing i can do and i make barely anything, it has not been good for my mental state and im close to another breaking point. We are together but are more like roommates at this point from all the stress leading to a breakdown of the relationship. I can understand his frustration, as he never signed up to financially support me (and we both never wanted kids), we arnt married or anything and prob never will be, we just have a kid together and trying to make it work. Im definitely co-dependant. I went from my parents to this, and i have never been able to be independent or hold a good job. I live rual too so getting around isnt cheap and there are limited options.
I need advice, is it possible to seperate/breakup on paper in my situation? I feel like if i could just get some assistance i could actually try to focus on healing and taking care of myself and my daughter properly instead of worrying about money 24/7. My name is on the mortgage but he pays for most everything. If so, do i just change my address on literally everything, government IDs, credit cards, ect? I can technically move back in with my parents, ive gone to stay there several times because of the fighting. I say technically as in "on paper", as my sister coincidently just got out of an abusive relationship and is now living there with her two kids in the guest room... I seriously don't know what to do anymore, i just want to die but i cant/wont because of my daughter.

Would love advice/insights from employer and nannies on how to handle a more dramatic than anticipated transition for our nanny please!
Our FT nanny started April 2023 when my son was 3 months old. Both my husband and I work from home, so it's been an ideal setup to have proximity to the baby, and still maintain our careers. I had a rough first year PP, navigated through PP depression and anxiety while also keeping up with an extremely demanding tech startup executive leader role. I'll always be grateful to our nanny for caring for our son with love and attention.
We are on a FT schedule with our nanny, she is paid in cash, guaranteed 45 hours per week, 1 week paid vacation, and continues to be paid for 45 hours even if we're on vacation or her hours drop below this threshold. Her hourly rate is on the generous side for our geography (ranging 15-40% higher than other caregivers I know of). We have paid her generous year end bonus, monetary gifts for her birthday/work anniversary, her son's graduation, etc. My husband got her college aged son a paid internship after she asked for the favor. Overall, I feel we have been generous employers and have gone above & beyond when we are able to.
Unfortunately my job became an untenably toxic environment and I made the difficult decision to resign. This has been the most challenging and overwhelming period for me of back to back personal mental health struggle, followed by professional thrash - none of which could have been planned for when we hired the nanny in April 2023. I decided to take this summer off to focus on bonding with my son (since I have very few actual memories from summer 2023, likely due to the extreme work stress and the PPD). This means we don't need our nanny full time anymore.
First conversation with our nanny: I disclosed my resignation and my plan to take the summer off to focus on my son, which means I don't have need for 45 hours of childcare. I asked her if she's open to other household tasks (cooking, cleaning), or childcare during evenings/weekends. She was not positive about any of the alternative options, so I told her I will follow up with a proposed modified schedule.
We found out my FIL passed away unexpectedly the following week, so had to rush to be with family and deal with all the funeral logistics. This was...difficult for us. And planning for the nanny's summer arrangements admittedly was paused while we dealt with this emergency.
We come back from the funeral, discuss the summer arrangement - and landed at realistically only needing ~20 hours of weekly childcare, and the decision to transition our son into pre school in the fall.
Second conversation with our nanny: my husband handled this one. We offered to pay her FT for the next 4 weeks, the latter 2 weeks being only on a 20 hour PT schedule. We offered her ongoing 20 hours per week PT schedule for remainder of summer, then preschool starting fall. We reiterated our appreciation for her hard work, and explained the unexpected combination of my resignation, our son's desire for socialization/more outside exploration (i.e. - school being a more appropriate fit for him now than home care).
She responded very negatively and felt that we 1. blindsided her with the decision to move to preschool in the fall; 2. did not provide her with adequate care in the notice given; 3. accused me of lying to her previously.
It has been extremely uncomfortable since. My attempt to acknowledge her feelings and offer to speak has been rejected and her attitude has changed to cold and hostile toward us. She remains kind to my son.
Given this unfortunate reception - I no longer feel comfortable with her staying on part time since I feel this is a net drain on my family's energy and untenable for my mental health to have a frustrated and irritated employee in my home after a very difficult year. We toured a preschool today with an opening for this summer, which my son instantly fell in love with, and I would like to shift to a PT preschool this summer instead of continuing with the nanny PT.
If you've made it this far, THANK YOU! How would you suggest I handle this next conversation with our nanny to minimize the ill will and to be as kind as possible to her?

What was once the pride and beating heart of Nagorow now reduced to desolate landscape, with the ancient structure barely stands from the impact. Whatever artillery piece was that, I hope I never encounter it again, added with gov'ness telling me to get away from here as quick as possible.
Easy for her to say, when I am carrying her whole weight while she stares at the sky. My suspender was doing well in supporting the binds of her to me, the movement helps little in giving me hopes that my skill with ropes was sufficient, and though my chest began to cool, my back is sweating from the skin contact with her.
My watch barely works anymore, it ticks in place, wasting the battery inside, but the sound it made kept me company when gov'ness herself seems awfully silent from when I met her first. The silent of the woods and the encroaching night force us to rest and made fire, some more challenge.
The gov'ness brows draw her emotion well, as she sees me easily ignites a fire with nothing but Rylanor's knife, leaf, and the head of my belt.
"I apologize if there are no food to be made, gov'ness" I sat and watch the woods, making sure that I am not looking at her indecency.
"There's no need, Musa" her stammers indicate something, but I do not dare to look "you were- you were efficient, to say the least"
I must be doing a poor job up until now, it seems, no reason to argue with the higher-ups, sergeant taught me that.
"That's not to say you were insufficient, I admire how-" does commander of legions that conquered the stars rarely say gratitude? Lucius' reason for jealousy was understandable then "I admire how you took the task at hand and done appropriately, if not better"
"Gov'ness you may rest, I trust you won't wander the woods alone" idle chat with nobility that never saw their underling will grind my head, if kept going, and so I stand and enter the woods, with a torch, to forage the forest's bed
"Of course" her tone shift to something akin to a disappointed child, but I didn't look back.
When you live your entire childhood in strict community, you'd eventually improvise on the go, especially when your family is a cook, the duty in making rations for my village naturally falls into our hands. Those experience taught you what plants was edible and so are mushrooms. And those very experience brought me back to camp with a handful of fruits, as many as one arm and a pair of pockets may allow. I made sure to walk backwards when I reach nearer to the camp.
"I brought food, gov'ness" I roll a round fruit across the camp, hoping the sound of the impact was made by her "we could make a bait for hunting with this" I do not know the merit in telling her I brought mushroom.
Silence greet me, and for a moment I thought she already slept, but the quiet was almost unnatural.
"Gov'ness?" I called, and when that didn't work, I finally brave myself to look at her place. What I thought to be her resting in place, was betrayed the moment I found dragged dirt heading to the woods "Gov'ness!" Rylanor's knife was already in hand as I stand.
And yet I stopped just a foot from the fire, something is weighing me down and it wasn't bounding me physically. Rather, my own mind betrays me, by shackling my feet in place, trying to tell me something, in which I have no choice but to listen.
What's the point of this? Nagorow and the Sejm are no more, the war is no more, and gov'ness' people will eventually came here and enslave us, brought us into compliance as they sent us across the star to die by the hand of monster beyond our imagining. She indirectly killed Maria, she indirectly caused the capital to be blown by that artillery, and now she's running away even when I tried to help her.
Goodness me, I am beyond an idiot. I accept the fact that I am an idiot, my face instinctively being wrapped by my palms as I dropped the knife, instead gripping tightly at my hair, trying to blot out any of these strange feelings with pain. Was it loneliness? Grief? Confusion and rage? A breaking point in insanity? To suffer all my life and finally seeing the end of it?
And before I even noticed, I already knelt on the ground, hands still gripping my hair as I fought the needs to scream, producing pathetic squeals akin to a dying animal. I want it to end, being forced to fight in a war where I would find no benefit, threats of death but never dying. It was a miracle I even managed to refocus back at the capital, after seeing the carnage, but now it would take more than that to distract me from this.
A loud growl of a beast in the woods knock senses into me, and once again my mind betrays me as it quickly pull the knife close to my chest, even when not a moment ago it thought that being dead would finally be relieving. The roar gets higher in tone, meaning its fighting another beast of its own so deep in the night, even deeper in the woods. Moving from the spot could be beneficial if I want to avoid it, and there's nothing holding me back anymore. Not when a familiar voice of a certain commander that her companion calls mother, suddenly rang between the roar.
Not thinking any longer, I quickly grab the torch and run my way to the voice, the cold of night be damned. Does my mind betrays me once again? Not this time, now it is my conscious choice that I made, even knowing that the result would be pointless. If anything, she's the only one I got left.
When the sound of the fighting was near, I can see the gov'ness wrestling a furry beast, and losing quite the blood. The beast throws her to the nearest tree it can swing, before swiping their hands trying to get past her defensive hands. Now or never, then.
My feet ran first, lunging so high that I was able to hook my arm to the neck of the beast, intending to distract it from gov'ness. The beast retaliate, hooking their short yet powerful paws into my left shoulder, the claws piercing my skin and flesh, before throwing me to the tree. And yet I didn't give in, and with a kick, I already ran to the beast, knife in hand as I made body contact with it, plunging my knife between the thick fur and even thicker skin. I knocked some wind out from the beast when we made contact, causing it to stagger, which I used as I wildly stab across its body.
That end when with one swipe from its arm, I was thrown like a doll back to the ground, my knife finally escaped my hand. The beast didn't hesitate to use the advantage as it jump to my position, intending to flatten me out, when I barely escaped it when I pull a root of a tree and slide on the wet ground. Doing so left me with no more escape, as the beast simply stands and gaze over me, with primal hate and anger. If this is to be the end, then good riddance it finally came.
As the beast prepares to flatten me yet again, something crawls on its back, causing it to roar in pain. Strands of silver hair juts out occasionally behind the beast's back as it assuredly went for the neck of the beast. The face of gov'ness, even tattered and ridden with mud, is still as majestic when I first saw it. She finally reach the neck of the beast, efficiently slitting the throat, before another swing and the beast's head escaped its neck and went to her hands.
The beast rolled over, the final semblance of consciousness slowly slip away as it stiffen the muscle. I didn't even noticed gov'ness stumbling away from the beast, even without legs, she's able to wrestle an apex beast, naked, at night, and even killing it. No wonder she's trusted with a legion to conquer planets and stars, if she can do this unarmed, compared to me, I am a speck of harmless dust.
"Musa, you came?" she finally speaks, her hands grabbing the torch to light up the night "Musa, I- I can explain" she stammers as she watches me slowly stand and stumble across to her "truly, I have an explanation for this, and it was not base on selfish -"
I ignore everything and went to gently wrap her neck with my hands, the pain on my shoulder didn't stop me as I clung my weak and fragile form to her. My barely muscular body to her finely tuned body, hers heating over my increasingly cold body. After everything, she's the only thing I know, the only thing I respect, and its enough for me to cherish it before I could die. Fate was never kind anyway, its a good thing to finally spite it after so long.
"Let's get back to camp, gov'ness" I knew the futility in this, we could die here after wrestling a beast, or she could ran away yet again.
"But the beast! I hunted the beast so we could eat, something for the-"
"Gov'ness, please" I went to the tattered remains of my belt and makeshift rope, tying it to her so I could carry her "let's just return and rest"
"Of course, apologies" I didn't notice the way she's facing and I could care less in fixing it, her breath warming my neck along with her body with mine "I dearly apologize, Musa, truly I do" she wraps her arms to me, more heat for me as I stumble in my return to the camp, the lingering effects of adrenaline slowly depletes. I was lucky that the effects were gone once we finally made it to camp.
I collapse on the ground, tasting the wet soil as the cold night slowly consumes me, making me forgot to sat gov'ness down. I was useless and inefficient right to the very end, and I hope what I did was enough for everyone involved,

Hi everyone. I’m writing this with what feels like a huge weight on my chest and I haven’t been able to sleep for the past several days.
For context, I’m a betrayed husband (mid 30s) whose wife (mid 30s) had a long term affair, from the tail end of 2020 all the way into early 2022. The country that I live in still had quite punitive quarantine and lockdown laws in place in 2021, and my wife, which breaks my heart to think about, still made the effort to (very, very frequently) see her AP and be with him. It’s humiliating, the extent of my wife’s treachery.
My wife, after D-Day in early 2022, was in quite the fog. To the point where she would negatively evaluate me as a partner in our most heated arguments, or even compare me unfavorably to her AP. It took several months for her to leave the fog and at that point, we were separated. She basically did a 180 (she wasn’t seeing AP, or so I think), began exhibiting the ideal remorseful spouse textbook, and we agreed to start R. And from then, she’s been, or has acted at least, like the wife I always been in love with. Everything improved.
My issue now though, is that even though she’s been a model wayward spouse, I still have so many questions in my mind about our relationship and I’ve redeveloped mind movies and intrusive thoughts about the depth of intimacy and emotional connection she shared with AP. She even once said in an email to him, “I’ve never spent 7 hours talking to a man before I met you. That’s how I know our love is real. I love you more than life,” (paraphrasing).
It’s gotten to the point that I’ve left home again and am considering just getting divorce started. I don’t want to feel like this gutless coward who sticks in a marriage with someone who never loved me to begin with.
My wife is frantic both over the phone and in person; begging, grovelling, pleading, swearing that her love for me is greater than anything she even began to imagine was with AP, and has said that she’d not be able to live if I left her. I really don’t care anymore. The mind movies and constant ruminating is just too painful. I’d much rather be a single father of our two beautiful children (a son and daughter) than put up with this weight on my chest. I just… don’t care anymore.
My questions are for waywards mainly, but betrayeds who have been in a similar situation are free to chime in too. 1. When your BS started acting like me, going to divorce and leaving like me and my confused self, after months of R, what steps did you take and what steps would you take in retrospect? 2. Is it true that intimacy with your AP, sexual and/or emotional, was far greater than anything you can or have achieved with your BS? 3. Don’t you feel that your BP, due to having taken you back after you had a sexual and emotional connection with another person, is pretty much leftover meat almost? Why are you trying with us? We mustn’t be that important to you for you to throw away your new shiny relationship with AP to be with us and our drier conversation, stale sex, and our constant triggers and trauma right? 4. Finally, what steps do you recommend I take to not be so hasty in my actions towards my WS? I know she’s in a lot of pain right now but it just seems my pain is taking centre stage at the moment.
Thanks in advance, particularly to all waywards who answer. Big credit to you for being willing enough to share. Thanks!

Never thought I would be making a post on here, but I only get 3 free therapist visits a year so here I am.
TLDR : My parents have fully replaced me with some guy (M28) they met at work/ church. I'm slightly hurt but ultimately it's their life and they can do what the please. I am more bewildered, and concerned about my parents being taken advantage of.
First some relevant background info:
My parents are VERY religious boomers. by this I mean more religious than you would believe until you actually spoke to them. growing up this created a lot of friction between us. As I reached my teens I became disillusioned with organized Christianity mostly due to the fact that a lot of modern day interpretations miss the point of what is written in the Bible. the hypocrisy I witnessed was rampant among church members including my parents. I strongly disliked their thinly veiled revulsion for any people who they considered "sinners", a title which was doled out on a whim. even while I was in the church it would be weaponized against other church goers and even myself once. a pastor from another church told a girl I was hanging out with that I would lead her to hell, despite the fact that I also went to church. she promptly cut off all contact despite admitting that she didn't want to, but was being threatened with being kicked out of her church groups of she did not.
back to my parents: we were at odds throughout my teen years as I began to avoid church and anything about it. I did not stop believing but I did not want to be associated with their type of toxic Christianity. this was not something they could understand. when I say they are fully indoctrinated it means they are irredeemable in many of their views. they were willing to ignore any and all boundaries I set about religion even to this day. despite me telling them that what they were doing would tear our family apart. in the end they chose religion over their children. my sister is essentially no contact with them.
as a very young child, our family moved around a lot. I was a continual outsider. I had no friends, at all. my parents would say it was no big deal cause I was just a kid and kids don't care about that stuff really, kids don't know the difference, etc. but I knew the difference and I desperately wanted friendship and community. the only constants were 2 hyper controlling parents who wanted a quiet and obedient follower.
eventually we moved to a place where I was able to form solid friendships for the first time in my life. it was , to this day, the happiest time period of my life. this lasted until my final year of high school when my parents decided to move. despite me having many friends whose parents offered me a place to stay for the final year, my parents forced me to move. this caused me to spiral into a deep depression for around 3 years. I developed enduring social anxiety which I deal with to this day. I have made peace with the fact that I will never have a lot of friends, but thinking about what I missed out on is painful. years later I found out they forced me to move because they prayed and God told them it would be better for all of us if I moved with them. we needed to stay together as a family. then 2 years later they moved back to the place they took me from. all I can do is laugh at this because it is so dark and obviously bullshit. when it was my life getting fucked up "God" said ok we needed to stay together as a family. when I needed support he said naw just ditch him and move away.
my life was destroyed by religion. I have since learned that of course, we are ultimately in charge of our own happiness, but at the time I had no knowledge of trauma or therapy. simply 2 parents who reduced every concern I ever had in my life to "just pray about it". in fact throughout my entire life they diminished all of my concerns, big and small. in addition, they would often judge me for everything I did, even if they were innocent to a non religious person. so I would only tell them about things when I absolutely had no other choice. and they would treat them as wholly unimportant. they also believed that men should not be upset or emotional and should figure things out for themselves. so they would help my sister out whenever she needed it, including buying her a new car, while I was riding my bike an hour each way to go to engineering school. there were many points in my life where I was at rock bottom, and despite them having more than enough means to help me, they did not.
compounding this is the fact that all the while they diminished my own concerns, they would bend over backwards to help people not in our family. they always wanted to appear nice and helpful, but this never extended to me. in fact they would often do things to inconvenience me in order to help some random person they just met.
All of these circumstances created a very weird relationship dynamic between us all. I became avoidant, negative and pessimistic for years before I discovered therapy and began to work through my mental health issues. I struggled in many relationships I had, and always felt like I was a lesser person than everyone else. this persisted until around 3 years ago when I began to correct the errors in my thinking patterns. despite therapy, I still struggle to have a relationship with my parents. all they talk about is religion. I have given up trying to enforce the boundary there. there is no point. they don't know anything else. they cannot be different and have no desire to change, in fact they see no error in their actions throughout the years. despite me obviously having issues. they essentially chalk it up to me just being a bad egg. I have since been able to forgive them, but the trauma I experienced throughout my life has left me with tendencies they hate. I withdraw when I am depressed, I am prone to anxiety from time to time, I have ADHD, I distance myself from them because all they do is cross my boundaries to preach at me, etc etc.
Back to the present:
Before my dad retired he hired this guy, let's call him Raj, at his work. just a basic bank employee. he is a nice enough guy I think. a little awkward but nice enough. I believe he has an engineering degree from another country but it got rejected by our country, so he had to just take whatever job he could get. he is new to the country and a bit of a fish out of water, this is the reason I think most people looked past his non ordinary behavior.... I literally cannot imagine myself ever hanging out or going on vacations with my boss, who is 20+ years older than me.
he struggled to understand the job and my dad had to spend a lot of time with him to get him up to speed. he began to go to my dad for life advice beyond work, as he struggled with making friends or getting a girlfriend. I think eventually my parents invited him to church and he went, despite being originally Hindu. eventually he went with them regularly and integrated himself with them to a wild extent that I did not realize until this past weekend when they came to "visit". they brought this motherfucker with them without saying shit beforehand. paid for his hotel and all his food. bought him clothes and took him on errands. all while saying they didn't really have time to assist me; I cannot drive anymore as I began having seizures 3 years ago.
when we did finally hang out, my own parents mistakenly called me his name many times. they acted like a family and treated me like I was just some dude lol.
we went out to dinner with some friends of theirs who were also in town. during dinner they called Raj my parents adopted son. needless to say I was very weirded out. but did not say anything. if I did they would just say I was being negative and I look like the asshole.
I know Raj does not make a lot of money but somehow he was able to buy a small house a year after starting work. I have not seen proof personally but my sister has said she is sure that my pprovided the down payment. this is where I began to be concerned they are being taken advantage of. this is very out of character for my parents.
I have considered also the weirdest possiblity, that they may have some kind of weird ass sugar baby relationship but I simply cannot see that being the case. they are hypocrites about some aspects of Christianity, such as not judging people, but they are 1000% devout when it comes to what they would deem as sin.
I get the impression that they have empty nest syndrome and compounded with their propensity to bend over backwards for non family members, they have essentially adopted this guy. he is at their house several times a week. as far as I know my mom prepares most of his meals.
it appears to me that they found a replacement for me with none of the mental health issues and resentment ( that they caused) and who was willing to play the part of a church goer. I fear now, based on watching them shop together that he is taking advantage of them. If they are just choosing to help him out money wise that is MASSIVELY out of character for them to do so to this extent. this is the main reason I think they are being taken advantage of. they are doing things for this guy they would NEVER do for anyone.
I am not sure how to approach this situation or what to even think about it. I lack the bandwidth to really mull it over or be upset about it. one thing I am certain of is that me saying anything about this will do nothing except make them mad and bring them closer together .they think I am simply a negative person and don't really listen to my thoughts on things, whether I am right or not.they have always treated me like I'm a moron
Is this as weird to you as it is to me? What would you do in this scenario?

I'm the 24M with deviation of smile and umn facial nerve palsy. I have told I have weak cough or continuous cough and minor speech impediment since past three months almost. My everything shattered with facial nerve paralysis on last Thursday. Two neuros i visited act like it's nothing. Today I noted severe uvular deviation to the left. How long before someone really understands there's literally 10, 7 and possibly 9th nerve involvement. It's so scary now. First time neuro saw me two months back and asked me to show my palatte he didn't note any uvular deviation. The crazy cough for past three four months must have been some vagal tone issue given my uvula is deviated. Are neuros just stupid? Or they just wait and watch for diagnosis till it becomes very apparent? My jaw also has clonus issues...I also yawn like crazy which is supposed to indicate air hunger. What is the point of visiting these doctors I just don't understand anymore. If it's bulbar how many more months do one actually have to wait till they have severe issues? 6 or 9 months... realistically speaking ofcourse not caring abt the outliers.