I hope this letter finds you well. To begin, I was drawn to this topic through social media posts that shared dozens of records detailing the abuse and deaths of hundreds of children in these therapy programs. I have often wondered, how can these programs be allowed to cause this amount of trauma to teens and children? This inspired me to look deeper into the troubled teen industry and understand why paid “caregivers” have put so many in danger. If we want to protect the wellbeing of these teens, we must find a solution to regulating these industries. Without increased laws and regulations we continue to place America’s children into potential death traps. Now what is a wilderness therapy program? Wilderness therapy programs, on the surface, seem like a promising solution for troubled teens, offering a blend of nature immersion and psychiatric support. However, the roots of the troubled teen industry date back to the 1970s, with reports of abuse surfacing early on. Shockingly, despite decades of outcry and documentation of fatalities, political inertia persists, and federal oversight remains lacking. It is understandable that parents want their children to be happy, respectful, and well-mannered. However, in an attempt to do what is right for their struggling child, parents may turn to the troubled teen industry. Currently, according to the American Bar Association, there are thousands of teenagers in these programs within the U.S, programs that often induce trauma and abuse, even causing the deaths of their children. So, why do parents continue to put their children into these programs? Is the fear of losing the “perfect” family leading parents to enrolling their children into these troubled teens’ wilderness programs? So why do parents enroll their children in these awful facilities? Simple answer: manipulation. The troubled teen industry (TTI) often manipulates parents through a series of insidious tactics. For instance, leveraging fear by exaggerating the risks associated with a child's behavior and creating a sense of imminent danger. Isolation tactics further reinforce this urgency, convincing parents that the facility is their sole recourse. These industries hire workers framed as “education consultants” that utilize high-pressure sales strategies to exploit parental anxiety, and present their TTI program as the only viable option. In an article by USAtoday, reporters held interviews of parents and teens who experienced a TTI program at Evoke, a Utah facility. "I was just an anxious mom. I loved (Katelyn) to death," Tessie, Katelyn’s mom, says, "I was so desperate and desperately wanting to save my child from herself" (USAtoday). Programs offer promises of rapid transformation and they prey on parental desperation for quick, easy fixes. Emotional manipulation adds another layer, playing on a parents guilt and insecurity. By showcasing selective success stories and controlling information flow, they obscure potential risks and alternatives. Stigmatizing the child's behavior further pressures parents into compliance, painting their facility as the sole refuge from societal judgment. "’[Evoke] just made it seem like (she was) such a rotten kid and that she couldn't come home after the wilderness program,’ Tessie says, instead [Evoke suggested] Katelyn go to an aftercare program” (USAtoday). In this web of manipulation, parents often find themselves coerced into decisions they later regret, unaware of the nuanced realities obscured by these tactics. In an article from the “Cafemoms” blog titled My Daughter Was a Victim of the 'Troubled Teen' Industry & It Haunts Me to This Day, a mother recounts her perspective of the tactics used by Island View (IV) treatment center to send her sixteen year old daughter to their facilities. “We trusted the [education consultant] when he said IV was the best program in the country and the best fit for Colleen. What the [education consultant] didn’t tell us was that the reason so many IV grads did so well after graduation is because nearly all of them went straight from IV to another residential treatment”(Cafemoms). Despite this, there is still hope for change. Imprint News wrote an article that focused on recent protests and youth advocates who were pushing congress to introduce new laws. Specifically, they discussed the Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act. A main advocacy group aiming at these lawmakers is Breaking Code Silence, a group dedicated to advocating for young people who had experienced harm in a youth treatment center (Imprint News). Their main goal is to pass a Bill of Rights for all children in youth treatment centers (Imprint News). The article also mentions that Breaking Code Silence wants children to have guaranteed protection from physical restraint and monitored phone calls. They further require that children are provided with all the basic necessities (Imprint News). Paris Hilton, a well-known celebrity, discussed in a Washington post article when she was 16 years old when she was taken from her home by two men. This was a result of her parents signing her up for a teen wilderness program (Hilton). Hilton describes that she was beaten and malnourished throughout her time at a Utah Facility. In October 2021, she partnered with Breaking Code Silence and pushed for a reform that was signed into law last April (Hilton). In Utah, it is now mandatory for treatment centers to document any time that staff used physical restraint (Hilton). Immediately following they have to submit these reports to the Utah Office of Licensing (Hilton). It also prohibits programs from sedating residents or using mechanical restraints, such as handcuffs and chains (Hilton). Therefore, this proves that reforms can be implemented and that it is important to continue the fight for more. Without regulations these programs can run rampant and place hundreds of children in danger. Continuing to protest, collaborate with government officials, and raise awareness can, and will, eventually stop the persistence of these programs. Enforcing reports and proper care through the law is the only way to give teens struggling with mental illnesses in these programs a fighting chance to recover. On the other hand, supporters of the troubled teen industry have used studies and research to prove the effectiveness of these programs, one example being RedCliff Ascent. RedCliff Ascent is a wilderness therapy program that claims the effectiveness of wilderness therapy. In 2005, this company hired a researcher to study families and adolescents 2 years after the program. The results found that over 90% of adolescents found wilderness therapy as effective and 83% of adolescents were doing better. In another study by Dr. Steve Aldana, it was found that 91.4% of children experienced clinically significant improvement six months post program. The counter argument presented by RedCliff Ascent is not only biased as the research was initiated from a wilderness therapy company, but they do not provide a sample size. This is important because when making conclusive statements such as “Over 90% of adolescents contacted perceived wilderness therapy as effective” they could be talking about six out of seven children or two hundred out of two hundred twenty (RedCliff Ascent). Through further research, the same results can be presented without the use of wilderness therapy. An article by the American Psychology Association (APA) titled “Better options for troubled teens” presents a series of studies and programs that was created to help adolescents. These programs focus on community-based activities, activities to help connect teenagers with their parents, and activities that align with the teens interests. This includes computer labs, dance studios, and machine shops. These programs have found significant success in decreasing the amount of juvenile offenders from 50% to 4% in an area of Connecticut (APA). It did this by helping teens take accountability and understand their actions. It utilized role play, writing assignments, and guided discussions between the teens. Overall, the troubled teen industry has caused abuse, trauma, and death to many children across the United States. It is a trap for children and a trick for desperate parents. Through the personal stories from teens and parents, reports of mistreatment, and protests it can easily be seen the impact and the importance of preventing this industry from expanding, instead increasing regulations and transparency to protect America’s children. To keep these children safe it is imperative that everyone works together to enact legislation. Your support matters to keep America’s children protected.
Sincerely, A high school student trying to make positive change
Works Cited Brennan, Caleb, et al. “Youth Advocates Again Push Congress to Crack Down on ‘Troubled Teen’ Industry.” The Imprint, 19 Aug. 2022, Date Accessed Mar. 2 imprintnews.org/top-stories/youth-advocates-congress-troubled-teen-industry/67243.
DeAngelis, Tori. “Better Options for Troubled Teens.” https://www.apa.org, www.apa.org/monito2011/12/troubled-teens. Accessed Feb. 19
Hilton, Paris. “America’s ‘Troubled Teen Industry’ Needs Reform so Kids Can Avoid the Abuse I Endured.” Washington Post, 22 Oct. 2021, Date Accessed Feb. 5 www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/18/paris-hilton-child-care-facilities-a Buse-reform.
Krebs, Catherine E. Five Facts About the Troubled Teen Industry. 22 Oct. 2021 Date Accessed Apr. 23 www.americanbar.org/groups/litigation/resources/newsletters/childrens-rights/five-facts-about-troubled-teen-industry.
Moniuszko, Sara M. “Wilderness therapy was supposed to help these ‘troubled teens.’ It traumatized them instead.” UsaToday, 8 Dec. 2022, Date Accessed Apr. 15 www.usatoday.com/in-depth/life/health-wellness/2022/12/08/wilderness-therapy-troubled-teen-industry/9890694002.
Parenting, baby names, celebrities, and royal news CafeMom.com. 14 Oct. 2022, Date Accessed Apr. 19 https://cafemom.com/parenting/troubled-teen-industry-island-view
RedCliff Ascent. “Does Wilderness Therapy Work?” Wilderness Therapy for Teens Needing Mental Health Treatment RedCliff Ascent, 10 Jan. 2023, Date Acessed Feb. 21 www.redcliffascent.com/wilderness-therapy-program/does-wilderness-therapy-work

Unix timecode of Session 0: 1716489000 (I don't know how to do timecode on reddit, if you do, please tell me.)
First session free. We will be using Discord for Audio, Roll20 for maps and music.
Level 3-12, medium-high magic setting.
The year is 1491 DR. Time of troubles died down a decade ago. But troubles never left the Faerun North alone.
Called the Savage Frontier by some, the Faerun North is a cold rugged sparsely populated land of snow-capped mountains, rocky hills, sprawling forests, and foggy vales. Isolated strongholds, ancient burial mounds, and the ruins of many forgotten empires dot this vast landscape. Bounded by the Sea of Swords to the west and the desert of Anauroch to the east, the Savage Frontier extends as far north as Icewind Dale and as far south as the town of Daggerford. Old roads stretch across this great expanse, linking the dwarven strongholds and mines in the mountains to the coastal settlements, frontier towns, and fortified outposts of humans and other folk. These roads are long, lonely, or poorly defended, making them dangerous to traverse. In fertile valleys, towns and cities have sprung up, separated by dozens if not hundreds of miles of untamed wilderness haunted by bandits, barbarians, and monsters.
Four years ago, the Cult of the Dragon plotted to bring back their master Tiamat and the Dynasty of Dragons. A group of adventurers united the northern factions and brought an end to their plans. However the damage left on the land is not so easily healed.
Since then, the mortal enemies of dragons -- Giants have been unrestful. Scouts of many Lords have reported Giant activities dangerously near their settlements. Many villages have been harassed or skirmished. 'Barbarian' tribes are forced to relocate, as their ways of life threatened by the Giants. Cloud Giants' floating castles loom above in the sky ominously, and they linger around the humanoid towns for just long enough to unsettle the peasants and nobles alike.

From the outside, we look like we have everything. Great house, two kids (8 and 11), at a good public school. Together 13 years. Our careers are both flexible, allowing us to travel and have plenty of free time. But I'm not happy. I fantasize about other women. I feel lonely when efforts to talk to my wife are ignored. She is very ADHD and gets sucked into her phone and work stress all the time. She works from home, so it's all day every day work stress for her. And she procrastinates, so small tasks will occupy all of her time. And she is slow to act on anything, so we are in the routine where I get up first, do the whole morning routine without her. Same with dinner, cleaning, bedtime with the kids, and grocery shopping. It feels like she takes me for granted, although, when I bring it up, she reminds me that she does a lot of other stuff, like paying bills, taxes, insurance and doctors appointments. So we're stressed with the kids. She also doesn't get my humor most of the time. I feel like a comedian with a really bad audience. And when I'm serious about stuff, her normal way of speaking is to debate and she is really good at being right.
In terms of my healing, I met her when I was chasing after sex. I was 29. I didn't understand at the time, but I would get a panic reflex during intimacy and had toxic shame around showing attraction. So I was terrible at dating. I would fawn over women, trying to do what I thought they wanted, rather than thinking about what I wanted in a woman. The more I failed, the harder I chased. I worked through some of my issues and dating got better. Once I met my wife, she had so much more going on than anyone I had ever been with, I was thrilled. Beautiful, smart, successful, from a good family, with similar view on money, politics and raising kids. She has never been very good at intimacy, but that worked with my weakness as well. I hardly noticed it was missing. It was very easy going, and I went along with her need to start a family. Now that I see all that, I realize our relationship is molded by that imbalance of me meeting her needs, and her not even knowing what mine are.
At the time, I knew things weren't perfect, and I was afraid of commitment. So, before we got married, we talked a lot about having a non-traditional marriage. I was very sex positive, and wanted freedom to have needs met by other people, if they weren't being met in our relationship. And we agree that it's unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs for the rest of our lives. And we agreed to something like a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy. We could do whatever we wanted, as long as it doesn't affect what we have when we're together. This was a very flawed idea. I do talk to other women, probably more than some wives would be comfortable with. And I love that I have that freedom. But I want more, and it's just not realistic. Once being married, from my experience, other women are very non-sexual. It feels very sterile and I really miss those flirty conversations with women.
I don't think I can change my wife though. I have shared these thoughts with her, and she seems to be making a tiny effort to be more appreciative of me, and has engaged in activities around the house that normally she leaves to me. It's just such a baby step. And we have kids, who should be exposed to parents who are happy. How can I address the relationship? Would I be crazy to leave? Am I crazy to stay?
TL;DR My life is pretty good, but it's boring, a bit lonely, and not funny, sexy or playful. I feel like it's an unhealthy example to set for the kids. Until now, the relationship has been basically: I meet her needs, which are very easy to meet, and neither of us realize that I have needs of my own. It's sort of like the classic business partner marriage, or maybe boss/assistant. We do have regular sex, thank god, but it's very vanilla. And now I am realizing I do have needs, and I want to spend time with someone who can be intimate, sexy, funny, appreciative, and generally be happy with. How do I get there?

Item #: SCP-7022
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7022, known by its stage name "Luca Lush," is to be contained in a standard humanoid containment cell at Site-17. The cell must be equipped with soundproofing materials to prevent the spread of any auditory anomalies. SCP-7022 is permitted supervised access to musical instruments and recording equipment, provided they are not connected to any external networks and all content is reviewed by Level 3 personnel.
Interaction with SCP-7022 is limited to research personnel with Level 3 clearance or higher. All personnel interacting with SCP-7022 must undergo regular psychological evaluations to monitor for any anomalous effects.
Description: SCP-7022 is a male human of approximately 30 years of age, identifying himself as "Luca Lush," a well-known electronic music producer and DJ. SCP-7022 possesses the ability to create music that induces various anomalous effects in listeners. These effects vary depending on the composition, including but not limited to:

• Euphoria: Listeners experience intense feelings of happiness and contentment.
• Hyperactivity: Increased physical activity and energy levels.
• Altered Perception: Distorted sense of time, space, and reality.
• Compulsive Behavior: An uncontrollable urge to dance or move rhythmically.
• Hallucinations: Visual and auditory hallucinations directly related to the music being played.

These effects can manifest within minutes of exposure and have been observed to persist for varying durations after the music has ceased. The intensity and duration of these effects appear to be correlated with the complexity and tempo of the music.
Addendum 7022-A: Discovery
SCP-7022 was discovered after reports of unusual behavior at several of its live performances, where attendees exhibited extreme reactions to the music. Foundation agents embedded in the music industry flagged SCP-7022's activities, leading to an investigation and subsequent containment.
Addendum 7022-B: Incident Log
Incident 7022-1: Date: ██/██/20██ Details: During initial containment, SCP-7022 was provided with a synthesizer to demonstrate its abilities. The resulting composition caused researchers to experience intense euphoria and compulsive dancing, leading to minor injuries. The experiment was terminated, and all affected personnel were administered Class-B amnestics.
Incident 7022-2: Date: ██/██/20██ Details: SCP-7022 produced a track that induced a state of hyperactivity and aggression in D-Class personnel, resulting in a containment breach. SCP-7022 was temporarily sedated, and stricter supervision was implemented during subsequent testing sessions.
Interview Log 7022-3:
Interviewer: Dr. █████ Interviewee: SCP-7022

Dr. █████: Good afternoon, SCP-7022. Can you describe how you create your music?
SCP-7022: It’s all about the vibe, man. I mix sounds and rhythms that resonate with people on a deeper level. It’s like tapping into their emotions directly.
Dr. █████: Are you aware that your music causes anomalous effects in listeners?
SCP-7022: (Nods) Yeah, I’ve noticed people reacting pretty strongly. But it’s all about the experience, right? Music should make you feel something.
Dr. █████: These reactions can be harmful. Do you understand the potential dangers?
SCP-7022: (Frowns) I never meant to hurt anyone. I just want to share my art and make people feel alive.

Addendum 7022-C: Current Status
SCP-7022 remains a valuable research subject due to its unique ability to influence human emotions and behavior through music. Further studies aim to understand the mechanisms behind these effects and explore potential applications or countermeasures. All testing involving SCP-7022’s music must be conducted under controlled conditions with appropriate safety measures in place.
Conclusion:
SCP-7022, "Luca Lush," represents a complex case of anomalous influence through auditory stimuli. Containment and study of SCP-7022 require careful handling to prevent unintended consequences. Continued research is necessary to unlock the full potential and risks associated with SCP-7022's musical abilities while ensuring the safety of Foundation personnel and the general public.

This is a throw away.
Tw: Racism, maybe?
For context, I am POC.
I (21 F) work in an office where communication goes to die. You could send an email three days prior, and it will still not be read. You could talk to someone and be met with constant “I don’t understand” or being talked down to while simultaneously not getting an answer. Half of the times, I give up on verbal communication because we are just talking in circles.
Since being hired, I have quickly realized I am one in a long line of people in my position. My predecessor worked this position for about six months before they moved her. The girl before? Two before she left. The reason? We work with the actual devil (~ 65 F).
This woman is the most vindictive person I have ever met, but according to our boss, she has never been malicious in all the time he’s known her. Let me tell you right now, he must have the world’s most colorful rose-tinted glasses.
According to the other people in the office, she actively seeks to humiliate and hold power over people in my position. Mind you, this isn’t how our work structure is supposed to be framed. Oh, and she definitely makes racially insensitive comments towards anyone she deems below her.
She has asked people if English is a foreign language to them and where they “come from originally”. And apparently, when an African American woman was in my job position, the two of them would fight constantly. She has also thrown papers at people and tried to square up with them in the copy room.
And now that I am in this job position, I have been asked where I come from and if I grew up “here”, meaning the United States. Generally, these aren’t necessarily offensive. But at the time, I had known her for maybe two weeks. When I told my bosses, one took the matter seriously (1) while the other droned on about how she’s the sweetest person he knows (2).
Since the incident, she refused to speak to or even look at me. Everything was via email. Not wanting to stir the pot, I met her where she was and communicated mostly through email. This is where I messed up.
Recently, I sent an email asking that this coworker send me more clear information regarding a request she had. I request information for the office, so it is important to give me the correct info, and as much info as possible.
I double checked with 1, and he said that yes, everyone should be giving me as much info as they can when giving me requests, and that it was okay to send everyone a reminder. I send a reminder to everyone (not just the one person) about this.
Later, she sent me an email with barely any info (like people’s names instead of facilities or offices, some addresses, and no dates for what she needs), and I tell her I need more clear info to be able to process her request.
Well, she showed this email to 2, and he has a “talk” with me. Which is basically just me saying “I’m sorry I misunderstood how the process works” and him saying I was being inappropriate for “telling her how to do her job”.
Apparently I should have taken that info and searched the files myself. He called the info “easily accessible”, and believe me, it was not. I will have to keep digging for it tomorrow and possibly into the next day.
In case you haven’t caught on, that is almost the complete opposite of what 1 told me.
2 also told me I should reach out and try talking to her. I explained she won’t even look at me and he implied it was because I brought up her insensitive comments. I tried to tell him over and over that she would not talk to me. I think I would’ve gotten farther explaining to the wall.
After this meeting, I basically start crying out of frustration. One of my coworkers told me apparently, she does this to everyone in my position and likes making them frustrated and cry.
No wonder everyone quits.
Tl;dr: My maybe-malicious coworker makes everyone quit or gets them fired.

Item #: SCP-7013
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7013, known colloquially as "Ginger Jack," is to be contained in a standard humanoid containment cell at Site-17. The cell must be equipped with reinforced soundproofing to prevent unauthorized communication. Interaction with SCP-7013 is to be limited to approved testing and interviews, all of which must be monitored by at least two Level 3 personnel.
All digital communication devices are strictly prohibited within a 20-meter radius of SCP-7013’s containment area. Should any device be found, it is to be confiscated and examined for anomalous activity. SCP-7013 is allowed supervised access to non-internet-connected recording devices for scheduled content creation, subject to approval and review by the Site Director.
Description: SCP-7013 is a humanoid entity identifying itself as "Ginger Jack," a TikTok personality known for creating viral content. SCP-7013 appears to be a male of approximately 25 years of age, with distinctive ginger hair and a charismatic demeanor. Prior to containment, SCP-7013 amassed over 10 million followers on TikTok.
The primary anomalous property of SCP-7013 is its ability to manipulate and influence digital content beyond normal technological limitations. Videos created by SCP-7013 exhibit an anomalous memetic effect, compelling viewers to share the content compulsively and, in some cases, experience altered behavior patterns mimicking the actions portrayed in the videos.
These memetic effects include, but are not limited to: - Increased sociability and impulsive behavior. - A compulsion to create and share similar content. - In extreme cases, subjects report experiencing hallucinations where SCP-7013 appears and communicates directly with them, despite no actual visual or audio presence.
The source of SCP-7013’s anomalous abilities is currently under investigation. Initial hypotheses suggest a cognitohazardous or infohazardous nature, possibly linked to SCP-7013's charismatic influence.
Addendum 7013-A: Discovery
SCP-7013 came to the Foundation's attention after a series of incidents where individuals displayed highly unusual behavior after watching SCP-7013's videos. Field agents embedded in social media monitoring teams flagged the content after a spike in reports of anomalous activity.
SCP-7013 was located and apprehended at a public event where it was scheduled to perform live. Upon containment, SCP-7013 was cooperative but expressed concern over its inability to continue creating content for its followers, indicating a potential dependency on its audience's attention.
Interview Log 7013-1:
Interviewer: Dr. ███████ Interviewee: SCP-7013

Dr. ███████: Good afternoon, SCP-7013.
SCP-7013: Please, call me Jack. This whole SCP thing is so formal.
Dr. ███████: Very well, Jack. Can you explain how your videos affect people?
SCP-7013: It’s not something I fully understand myself. I just have this... knack for creating content that people love. It’s like I can feel what they want to see, and then it just happens.
Dr. ███████: Are you aware that your content can cause harmful effects?
SCP-7013: I never meant for anyone to get hurt. I just wanted to make people happy, help them feel connected.
Dr. ███████: We believe your abilities might be dangerous. Can you describe any unusual experiences or sensations when creating your content?
SCP-7013: Sometimes, it feels like the camera isn't just capturing me, but something... more. Like there’s a presence guiding me, helping me create.

Addendum 7013-B: Incident Report 7013-4
On ██/██/20██, SCP-7013 managed to gain unsupervised access to a confiscated smartphone, posting a video that reached over 1 million views before the device was retrieved. This incident resulted in a minor containment breach when several Foundation personnel, who viewed the video, began exhibiting compulsive behavior and attempted to release SCP-7013. Affected personnel were treated with Class-A amnestics.
Following this breach, containment procedures were revised to enhance security and restrict SCP-7013’s access to any digital recording or communication devices.
Conclusion:
SCP-7013 remains a significant containment challenge due to its influence over digital media and the ease with which it can propagate its memetic effects. Research into counteracting these effects is ongoing, with a focus on isolating and neutralizing the anomalous properties of SCP-7013’s content. Further interviews and controlled testing are planned to gain deeper insight into the nature and origin of SCP-7013's abilities.

What it was like, what happened, and what it is like now... My sobriety date is January 10th, 2016. I had been coming in and out of the program of AA since I was 18 years old, I had a drawer full of white chips, and it wasn't until I was 33 years old that I had finally been beaten down enough and suffered enough consequences due to this disease that I was finally ready to surrender... not because I had any hope that things would get better, but because I was frightened of how they were on their way to getting worse.
I was finally ready to follow through in working all 12 steps with my sponsor, which I did over the course of a year. I moved onto a new sponsor, and worked them through again. I was hungry for this new life and I sought out the oldest of the old timers, women who had more years in sobriety than I had on this earth. I was desperate for change because I was faced with two choices: change, or face a life without my two precious children that had been wisely removed by the court and my ex-husband because of how I'd let this disease impact our lives like a category five hurricane. I learned quickly that it simply wasn't enough that my admission of powerless and taking of the first three steps stopped the proverbial winds of destruction from blowing; like a devastated city by the sea in the aftermath, I had a job of reconstruction ahead of me that wasn't going to be cleaned up over night... it was going to be a process of years before everything would come back together, and be restored to something better than I could have ever dreamed.
What I ended up discovering through the years of consistently working this program wasn't at all what I'd originally sought out. I just wanted the chaos to stop. I just wanted to be able to put down the bottle for good. I thought this was the alpha and omega of it. But this was just the barest beginning.
The cessation of drinking was only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. This program would do more than just divorce me from alcohol and substance abuse... it was going to completely transform me. Little by slowly, the working of the steps began to reshape my perspective as I had to accept a spiritual remedy or return to my own spiral of misery and the onward march to jails, institutions, and death.
Through the working of my inventory, my sponsors helped me to see that everything I resentfully blamed on my ex-husband, my abusive upbringing, my traumatic brain injury in early childhood, everyone who'd ever bullied or abused me had layers. Resentment would poison me; I had to forgive those against whom I harbored resentment not for their sake, but my own. Forgiveness, I discovered, set me free from this self-created prison. Letting go meant a greater freedom than I could have ever known.
And then, further on: most things I blamed on God for allowing to happen to happen to me, such as the loss of my precious children, my sponsors helped me to understand through my inventory were traceable back through so many actions I willfully chose that had a domino effect of consequences that I now had to face and accept as my responsibility. Whether or not other people were involved, I had to let this go, learning a new meaning of powerlessness and acceptance of things I could not change... namely, other people and their own actions... and focused on the only thing I could change: my own choices, moving forward. Understanding that the only way out was through. Bless them, change me wasn't just a catchphrase any longer... I was the only one over whom I had control. When I finally came to this realization, I was able to work through my own defects, see them for what they were, rise into the 6th and 7th steps to pray for their removal, to be taken to something better.
I was then able to identify and accept what "my part" had been in two decades of wrecked relationships with others. I was able to understand to whom I must make amends, and found the genuine willingness to do so, a long list made, a scouring of the internet and social media and looking up all the people upon whose lives I'd had a negative impact, people whom I had hurt. I owned my part, I made the amends and I was surprised at the response I got, overwhelmingly.... not one person told me to go to hell like I rightfully would have deserved, and none of them even expressed anger. Each of them shared with me in their own way how they knew I was very sick, very lost, and they knew inside somewhere I was a good person, I was just hurting and how they had always hoped that I would find recovery, find God, find a way to be who I was. They were happy for me. They had forgiven me long ago.
And as a result of working these steps, persisting through consequences I had to face and accept, finding that the only way out was through... my life was transformed. I was transformed. I got my children back... not instantly, but I began my journey in 2016 and by 2017, I had them back on weekends. By 2018, I had them back in a 50/50 arrangement. And by 2019, circumstances aligned so that they were returned to me full-time, and this was also the year the man who'd stuck by me during the worst moments of my disease and through the ups and downs of early sobriety asked me to marry him, and my girls and I had a whole new family, a whole new life... today, he is the man they call "Dad" and they have their biological father every weekend whom they call "Papa." He, too, has found recovery and is growing into a better life, he dated a great woman who adored my daughters in the same way my new husband has and he is marrying her this summer. As a show of love, she gave each of my daughters a special ring to symbolize her own commitment to them in how much she values the importance. We're now working together as a united front and a blended family for what's best for the girls and it is a blessing.
It has been a challenge, honestly, now that things have gotten better and the promises have come true to stick with a consistent practice of this program. Complacency is probably my biggest struggle, something I continually work on because it is so easy now to let all of the blessings of this program consume my life and cause the program not to take a first place priority. The reality is what it is though: if I forget where I come from, if I rest on my proverbial laurels, I will absolutely lose everything that I've gained and I will end up drunk. I am finding that it was ironically much easier to work the program diligently when I was at rock bottom and this was the only way to climb out.
As such, I know that today, my actions still have consequences, good and bad. Sometimes, as before, the consequences might not show up immediately, but they will always manifest. Fortunately, though, through the working of this program, especially in the initial few years of working through the steps and my inventory, I find that I am making more positive choices than I did once upon a time, and so just as I reaped what I had sewn early on in terms of negative consequences, I now find the same thing is true insomuch as I enjoy positive consequences perhaps to the same degree that I once experienced negative ones. The most solid part of all is the gift that the 12th step provides, practicing these principles in all my affairs, as well as Step 10 that I try my best to keep up with regularly, I am able now to much more quickly identify when I have made a wrong choice, when a resentment crops up, or when I owe someone an amends. It is just like keeping a house clean in a literal sense: doing small things each day maintains a level of consistent cleanliness that is much easier to maintain than letting things get messy and piled up and trying to go in and clean.
And most importantly of all.... when I came into this program, I reached for God and striving for the next right thing because it was either this, or worse consequences than I was already facing. As one day at a time began to flow into weeks, then months, then years, I found myself reaching for God and striving for the next right thing because I was seeing how it was bearing the fruit of my whole life improving. And now, as I am moving toward my 9th year of sobriety, so close to an actual decade... I have never forgotten these former two stages of my own evolution, which have merged into where I find myself now... reaching for God and striving for the next right thing, as it is written, "as unto Him", because I am in a new habit now of right living, right choosing, being a kind of active faith in which I know that, as a line in one of the devotional books said, "When we do the next right thing, all the power of God is behind you."
I can make these choices today especially in my classroom in devoting myself to my occupation as a labor of love, and this in and of itself being its own reward. I was nominated for "Teacher of the Year" this year, but I knew from this moment that it wasn't going to be God's will for me to receive such an accolade and I was perfectly at peace with this. Because doing the right thing as unto God for me today rests on a foundation of just how important anonymity is, in a way I never appreciated until recently. I think of the founders of AA, how Bill W. was offered an honorary PhD in Sociology from Harvard (I think this was he area), how they wanted to erect a huge monument over Dr. Bob and his wife's grave to mark them as founders... I can scarcely imagine how tempting these opportunities would have been, especially when we all have that ego part of ourselves that whispers, "I have worked hard for this and I deserve to be recoginzed!" But they turned these offers down, as so many others that came and went. Anonymity was and still is everything.
My oldest old timer sponsor--the one with more years sober than i had alive-- had to really work hard to make me see something I was stuck in around years 4-6: "I have worked SO HARD to get to where I am today!"
She told me over and over that I was missing the point: I made choices to do the next right thing, but I was incapable of getting myself anywhere but drunk on my own unaided will. It was God who you allowed to work through you.
I understand that a lot more today. I am proud of a strength I possess to be industrious. But "I" don't matter. I do my best to do the next right things because what really only matters is that God sees what I do. Through any talents, abilities, strengths He has given me, they are from Him, and they make me useful as a vessel to be of service. I am a sewer of seeds, and I may never know how my willingness to be of service impacts someone, but He does. My own anonymity protects me from me.
Of myself I am nothing, it is only through the grace of God and this program that I am where I am today. I ask daily in prayer to for Him to get me out of my way, to be made of service, for Him to show me the next right thing one moment at a time, and the power to carry that out.
And this is all that matters.

Just throwing my thoughts out there, Spoilers for the Manga/anime!
So I like to divide them into 2 groups: Those who got screen time and those who didn't:
The group that got screen time:
Rayne Ames - The Sword Cane: The fan fave? Okay so he is basically Byakuya from Bleach and I fucking love him for it. Felt natural for him to take Mash’s side and his rabbit obsession is a fun and not overused gag. Plz just talk to your brother and stop overworking your self man. 8/10 solid dude.
Orter Mádl - The Desert Cane: Ngl when I first saw him I though the author really made Harry potter in this Wizarding world parody be the main antagonist huh? Thought his view were comically extreme at first but he kinda grew on me. Let's face it he has the best drip of all the Dvs. Now stop being a dead-beat brother to Wirth. 3/3 eyes.
Kaldo Gehenna - The Flame Cane: This man dead-ass never casts a single spell. Like the flame from his blade is described as not chanting a spell or something like that. I feel like he has a nice balance between badass DV moments and comedic gag ones… of those he has. Anime adaptation is probably gonna add more scene of him, right!? Questionable food taste/10
Ryoh Grantz - The Light Cane: Love the guy, hate the banana-ass looking hair. I feel like there is some lost potential here regaring the fact that Ryoh is the only confirmed parent/father, and there isn’t some line about him understanding the anxiety around shunning children that lacks magic power. Like I’d imagine the reason why is on the pro Mash side, is cause he wouldn’t let his own son having to grow up in a society were you either magic, or don’t magic and get executed. The manliest man that ever man’ed/10.
The group that did (but not enough)
Renatus Revol - The Immortal Cane: From what little we get he seem chill. Apparently the manga author had a backstory of him that didn’t make it in the story. Before he achieved his immortality he tried to sacrifice himself fro the woman he loved, hence the one scar on him. According to the fanbook: Bodies of deceased wizards leave enormous amounts of magical energy, so it is Renatus' job to make sure there is no theft at cemeteries. Sounds metal af, shame we don’t got to see any of it. 7/10.
Agito tyrone – The dragon Cane: Okay so what little we get from him in the story is; he is like the only religious guy and belives killing is a sin and actively hold a count on how many time he has sinned during the ‘final frontier’ battle. On one hand, why would he agree to take Mash’s life then? On the other why okay I guess he would be most pro execute Mash alongside Orter since magic is a gift from the gods. Oh and ALSO he is a an open masochist, and according to the fanbook his favorite type of opposite sex is married-women. I-THOUGH-HE-WAS-THE-GENTLE-GIANT-WITH-A-CUTE-DRAGON-TYPE-OF-CHARACTE10
Sophina Biblia – The knowledge Cane: Girl blocked Deliasters with a book. Go off Queen. Really would have loved to see more of her personal magic and in general let her have more screentime. I mean besides that it’s worth mentioning the trivia on her that mentions her nickname since her school days was "President". She has served as student president many times as she is very reliable. Makes me wonder what her reasons are for agree to Orter’s decisions. Like if she didn’t, I feel like she would just like Rayne, make it obvious she disagrees, also if both Orter and Ryoh were to bite the dust I guess she would be next in line to be the unoffical leader of the Dvs. 1/4 relevant female character in the story.
Tsurara Halestone - The Ice Cane: So what’s the secret under the eye-patch? Feel like it’s a Black Butler reference idk. I mean besides that the only interesting thing I can think of for Tsuara is the fact they dislike they personal magic and actively states so. Maybe if Mashle was a more traditional shonen battle series we would have gotten some arc/story around the fact that not everyone likes their personal magic and can’t do anything about it. And like Tsuara some types can inconvenience the mage to various degrees. Idk/10.
Tl;dr I wish [Insert character name here] got more screentime.

At the world’s top college of magic and technology, every day brings a new discovery -and a new disaster. The advanced experiments of the college students tend to be both ambitious and apocalyptic, with the end of the world only prevented by a mysterious time loop, and a small handful of students who retain their memories.
Surviving the loops was hard enough, but now, in his senior year, Vell Harlan must take charge of them, and deal with the fact that the whole world now knows his secrets. Everyone knows about Vell’s death and resurrection, along with the divine game he is a part of. Now Vell must contend with overly curious scientists and evil billionaires hungry for divine power while the daily doomsday cycle bombards him with terrorists, talking elephants, and the Grim Reaper himself -but if he can endure it all, the Last Goddess’s game promises the ultimate prize: power over life itself.
[Previous Chapter][Patreon][Cover Art]
“Should I be worried?”
Why would you be worried?” Kim said. “Dean Lichman loves us.”
Dean Lichman had asked the two of them to stop by his office, though his brief message had not said what for. That left Vell to concoct nightmare scenarios in his head.
“He doesn’t love all of us.”
“Alex doesn’t count as ‘us’,” Kim said. She was a looper in purely a technical sense, mostly due to her own refusal to be a team player. “Besides, she’s been behaving lately. She’s only been an asshole, not an active liability.”
“That we know of.”
“If we don’t know about it, Dean probably doesn’t either,” Kim said. “It’s fine, Vell, he probably just wants to ask us for advice or deal with some problem he has.”
“That’s not much better,” Vell said. “How weird would things have to be that the Dean is asking us for help personally?”
“Only one way to find out,” Kim said. She gestured to the door to the Dean’s office.
Kim entered first, and found it in much the same state as it always was. The desk piled high with paperwork, a small bowl of assorted candies shoved into the corner of the desk, and Dean Lichman behind it, frantically tapping away on a laptop. Vell had not been in this office for several years, and it was vastly different than the last time he’d been here.
“Ah, there you are, come in, have a seat,” Dean Lichman said. “Unless you’d rather we have our conversation elsewhere, Vell.”
“Why would I want that?”
“Well, it’s my understanding you haven’t been in this office since my, uh, predecessor,” Dean Lichman said.
“Oh, right, the kidnapping,” Vell said. “No, I’m good, I don’t really get traumatized by things anymore.”
Vell had been killed too many different ways in too many different places to have a functional trauma response. A few days ago he’d gotten his legs chewed off by a vending machine, and still stopped by it to pick up a soda on his way to the office.
“That’s a very concerning response, Mr. Harlan.”
“Yeah. Anyway, what did you need?”
Dean Lichman gestured for the duo to take a seat, and both did so. He folded desiccated hands in front of himself before beginning to speak.
“I would like to ask you two to take a look at an experiment that will be occurring later this week,” Dean Lichman said. “I don’t have any reason to believe it poses a threat, but I would like to be assured it is a safe and ethical environment, and, well, you two have a knack for identifying trouble spots.”
“You could say that,” Kim said. It was more accurate to say that trouble had a way of identifying them -and then leaping at them and ripping their heads off.
“I’d appreciate it if the two of you could simply examine the laboratory and give it your approval, or disapproval, as the case may be,” Dean Lichman said. “Though if you’re too busy, I fully understand.”
“If you don’t think this is dangerous, why are you asking for our help anyway?”
“Simply for my own peace of mind, frankly,” Dean Lichman said. “The school’s policies on animal experimentation are...satisfactory, I suppose, but I do want to take extra precautions when the subject is a creature as smart as an elephant.”
“An elephant?”
“Yes, a resident of a reserve in Thailand,” Dean Lichman said. “An older elephant by the name of Mae Noi. She has cancer, apparently, and she is submitting to experimental treatment in the hopes it will be useful for younger elephants.”
Kim’s digital face briefly flashed with a facial expression of concerned skepticism.
“‘She’ is submitting to treatment? As in the elephant?”
“Yes. Apparently the elephant can talk,” Dean Lichman said. “No, I don’t know how it works, they said it was ‘more impressive in person’.”
“Well now I kind of want to go just to see the talking elephant,” Vell said.
“Same.”
“Well, do try to take a few glances at the experiment’s safety while you’re there,” Dean Lichman said.
“Sounds like a plan,” Vell said. “Thanks for the heads up.”
“I’ll be there too,” Kim said.
“Excellent. Thank you both, and I’ll try not to take up too much of your time,” the Dean said. He then bid them both a polite goodbye and returned to his mountains of paperwork. Vell took a step out of the office and then took a sip from the soda he’d recently retrieved from the evil vending machine.
“So, what do you think?”
“I think I really do want to see the talking elephant,” Kim said.
“Obviously, yeah, we all want to see the talking elephant,” Vell said. “I mean the whole situation. You think the elephant thing is going to be the daily apocalypse for that day?”
“Well, on the one hand, an elephant seems like the kind of thing that would kill us,” Kim said. “But on the other, I feel like the fact we have advance warning means it’s not going to happen.”
“True. The universe probably wouldn’t make it that easy for us.”
“Yeah, but the elephant thing still feels pretty threatening,” Kim said. “Only way to find out is to wait a few days, I guess.”
A FEW DAYS LATER
“Hello you two,” Dean Lichman said. “And Hawke.”
“Hey,” Hawke said.
“He also wanted to see the talking elephant,” Kim explained.
“Well, that’s not a problem, it was an open invitation,” Dean Lichman said.
“Thanks. Still, sorry for not saying I was going to show up in advance,” Hawke said. “It took me a long time to make up my mind whether I was more interested in or afraid of a talking elephant.”
“They are rather large, aren’t they? I suppose that could be intimidating.”
“I’m okay with elephants on their own, it’s the talking part that doesn’t sit right with me,” Hawke said. “What if the elephant doesn’t like me? What if I’m the first person to ever get insulted by an elephant?”
“You’re less afraid of getting trampled by an elephant than insulted by one?”
“I’m a little afraid of trampling, but elephants are chill,” Hawke explained. “They wouldn’t attack unless provoked. I kind of feel like one might call me a dipshit unprovoked, though.”
“You have oddly specifics fears, Mr. Hughes,” Dean Lichman said.
“Yeah.”
In spite of those fears, Hawke happily stepped through the door to the zoology lab. It did not take a long time to locate the elephant in the room, as it was a literal elephant. The towering pachyderm was in a makeshift pen in the center of the lab, with an ample supply of food and a strange pedestal in front of her.
“Dr. Chanthara,” Dean Lichman said, with a polite wave to one of the researchers in the room. “Good to see you. These are the students I told you about.”
“Hm. Nice to meet you,” Dr. Chanthara said. He was, perhaps not unreasonably, skeptical of why three seemingly random students were in charge of a safety inspection. The fact that one of the three was a robot made him even more skeptical.
“Hi, nice to meet you too, and, uh, don’t mind us,” Vell said. “We just have an eye for weird things other people might miss.”
“Sure. I- wait. Aren’t you that kid who got chosen by a god?”
“Yeah, that’s me,” Vell said. “And her too, technically.”
Kim shrugged. She didn’t care for any extra attention on that point.
“Right,” Chanthara said. He was beginning to see why these students might know their stuff. “I suppose we should start by introducing you to Mae Noi. Say hello, Mae.”
The elephant shifted on her feet and poked her trunk at the wide pedestal in front of her twice.
“Hello. Friends,” a synthesized voice droned. Vell stepped a little closer to the pedestal, just enough to see that there were an array of buttons on the side facing Mae Noi.
“Oh, it’s kind of like a keyboard,” Vell said. He’d seen similar things used with dogs, though usually in a much simpler fashion. Mae Noi seemed to have a few dozen buttons at her disposal.
“Smart,” Mae Noi said, with another prod of her trunk.
“We initially put it into our sanctuary as a bit of a novelty, something elephants could choose to interact with,” Dr. Chanthara explained. “Mae Noi took to it a bit better than most. Especially once she found out she could use it to ask for food.”
“Food. Pumpkin. Pumpkin. Pumpkin.”
“No, Mae, no food until after experiment,” Dr. Chanthara scolded.
“Experiment,” Mae Niko said with a prod. “Pumpkin.”
“Yes, experiment then pumpkin,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“That’s not really a talking elephant, is it?” Hawke said.
“It’s more talking than most elephants,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“Elephant. Smart,” Mae Niko said. “Smart.”
“Yes, uh, right, elephant smart,” Hawke said. He took a step back, to avoid any further offense and any further risk of being insulted by Mae Noi.
“You’re very impressive, Mae, don’t mind him,” Kim said. “How many words does she know?”
“Our platform back home has around three hundred words, though she’s still learning some of them,” Dr. Chanthara said. “The ‘travel’ version we put together only has a hundred, just enough to make sure she can get her basic needs met and communicate about the experiment.”
“Right, speaking of, I do believe we should put some time into our reason for being here,” Dean Lichman interjected. “You’re welcome to stick around afterwards, at Dr. Chanthara and Mae Noi’s discretion, of course, but we should get underway.”
“We probably should get to business, yeah,” Kim said. She tapped the side of her metal head. “I’m going to scan the lab. Vell, you talk to the elephant and make sure everything’s above-board.”
“Abov- oh, right,” Vell said. “Sorry, not exactly used to being able to ask animals if they agree to animal experimentation.”
“Experiment,” Mae said.
“Yeah, experiment,” Vell said, as he turned to Mae. “So, Mae Noi, this experiment might hurt, do you know that?”
“Experiment. Hurt. Elephant,” Mae Noi prodded. “Experiment. Help. Elephant. Help. Baby.”
“Help baby?”
“Baby. Baby. Elephant. Sick. Baby. Sick.”
“We’ve explained the nature of her condition to Mae Noi as best we can,” Dr. Chanthara said. “She has several children, and is concerned they might be similarly affected.”
“Help. Baby,” Mae Noi said. “Experiment. Help.”
The way Mae Noi frantically tapped the buttons tugged at Vell’s heartstrings, but he choked those emotions down.
“So you want to do this experiment to help baby, got it,” Vell said. “Even if it hurts you?”
“Elephant. Old,” Mae Noi said. “Hurt. Okay. Help. Baby.”
“Huh. Well, that does sound like informed consent to me,” Vell said. “Passes ethical muster, at least.”
The campus rules allowed students to be experimented on, with their consent, so Vell saw no reason not to apply the same standard to an elephant.
“You speak up if you change your mind about the experiment, okay?”
“Stop. Stop. Stop,” Mae said, mashing the same button a few times. “Yes.”
“You got it. I’m going to go help my friends check things out,” Vell said. “Good talking to you, Mae.”
“Good. Talk. Friend,” Mae said. She waved goodbye with her trunk, and Vell waved back. He wandered away from Mae Noi’s pedestal and found Kim and Hawke carefully examining rows of beakers and various other supplies.
“Nothing sus yet, boss,” Hawke said.
“Nothing caustic, mutagenic, or explosive?”
“Well, something mutagenic, but it’s supposed to be,” Kim said. She had scanners built into her body much like those that had once been in Vell’s glasses, allowing her to analyze the complex chemical formulas at a glance. “They’re going for some gene editing similar to what we’ve tried to do on human cancer patients. Low success rate, but not harmful. Some adaptations to work on elephants, of course.”
“Run it by any of our chemistry and biology student friends yet?”
“A few,” Kim said. “Haven’t gotten anything back yet, though.”
“Maybe run it by Skye, too,” Vell said. “She’d recognize anything that’d mutate an animal.”
“She does love to mutate things,” Kim said.
“Benevolently,” Vell insisted. “Just show her. I’m going to check for any stray equipment.”
The presence of an unusually large test subject had resulted in the lab being rearranged and reshuffled, so Vell did a quick scan for any misplaced equipment that might pose a threat. He found, to his surprise, a tidy and well-organized environment, with any and all extraneous materials securely locked away. There wasn’t so much as a shrink ray out of place. Vell did another loop just to be sure, but returned to his friends empty-handed.
“This place has less safety hazards than my lab,” Vell said. Hawke stared at him for a while.
“Why does your lab have safety hazards?’
“I do runecarving, there’s like, hammers and chisels,” Vell said. “Those can hurt people.”
“Mm, true,” Hawke said. “So you really didn’t find anything?”
“Nothing,” Vell said. “This place is secure as I’ve ever seen a lab be.”
“It’s like I said,” Kim began. “We got an actual warning about it, so obviously nothing’s going to go wrong. That’d be too easy.”
“Maybe,” Vell said. “Things can get teleported in, or someone could cast a spell, or something.”
“Yeah, but that applies to anywhere, at any time,” Kim said.
“Kim’s right,” Hawke said. “I say we go business as usual.”
“I guess,” Vell said. “We have to branch out a little, at least. Can’t keep an eye on one room all day.”
The trio stopped sulking around the outskirts of the lab and returned to Dean Lichman and Dr. Chanthara.
“Everything looks good,” Kim said. “Probably the safest lab I’ve ever seen.”
“I’ll choose to take that as a compliment,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“We have very high safety standards here at the Einstein-Odinson,” Dean Lichman said, defensively. “Relatively speaking. Innovation requires some risk.”
“I understand perfectly. So does Mae.”
“Hurt. Okay,” Mae said.
“Not that okay,” Vell said. “Nice meeting you, Dr. Chanthara. You too, Mae.”
“Wait.”
Mae prodded one of the buttons on her pedestal and then pointed her trunk at the three of them. Hawke looked deeply concerned, but stepped forward alongside Vell and Kim. Mae Noi appraised them with massive brown eyes, and then moved her trunk back towards the pedestal. Vell noticed a distinctive scar on the bridge of her long nose just as Mae Noi pressed another button.
“Joke.”
“...Joke?”
Dr. Chanthara sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Just go along with it,” he said. “She likes to tell her joke.”
“Uh, okay,” Vell said. “Let’s hear it.”
“What. Elephant. Favorite. Part. Tree.”
“Umm...I don’t know, Mae,” Vell lied. He’d heard this joke from a kid, once. “What part?”
“Trunk,” Mae said. She gave a loud bray of amusement and then slammed her trunk down a few more times to emphasize the punchline. “Trunk. Trunk.”
“Oh, ha, I get it,” Kim said, hoping her feigned laugh was convincing. She’d never tried to lie to an elephant before. “Good one, Mae.”
Mae Noi shifted from side to side, looking pleased with herself, while the trio took a step back and stopped their feigned laughter.
“Did you give her buttons just to tell that joke with?”
“She gets upset,” Dr. Chanthara said. “I’m not even sure she understands the pun, she just likes people’s reactions.”
“As long as she’s having fun,” Hawke said.
“We’ll get out of your hair now,” Vell said. “Good luck with the experiment, feel free to let us know if you need a hand with anything.”
“I’ll keep it in mind,” Dr. Chanthara said. Some of his earlier skepticism seemed to have softened, but he did not seem entirely onboard with three strangers mucking about with his experiment. Vell and his friends left before they stretched what little goodwill they had any further. Mae Noi waved her trunk goodbye as the three left the lab and stepped back onto the quad.
“I’m going to try and sneak some classes in,” Hawke said. “Later.”
“I’ll check some of our usual hot spots,” Kim said, before she too left. Once again alone, Vell headed to one of his own classes, and called up Samson.
“Hey, Samson,” Vell began. “See anything interesting while we were playing with the elephant?”
“Well, I thought I clocked someone acting suspicious, but it turns out he was only sneaking around to go see his boyfriend,” Samson said. “Nothing apocalyptic, but I did get called a homophobe, which is pretty emotionally devastating.”
“I’m sure you’ll recover someday,” Vell said. “Keep an eye out. Usually the safer things look, the more dangerous things end up being.”
“Will do,” Samson said, before saying goodbye and hanging up.
***
Vell got increasingly nervous the longer the day went without its daily disaster. He thought about checking in on Mae Noi again, but then recalled Kim’s warning about it being too obvious, but then remembered that nobody had seen anything suspicious anywhere else, but then remember that Mae Noi’s lab had looked perfectly safe-
“Vell.”
“Huh?”
“You’re spiraling,” Kim said.
“I’m not spiraling, I’m just,” Vell said, with a pause for contemplation. “Considering multiple options.”
“In a spiral fashion,” Kim said. “Eat the damn french fries. Honestly, what’s the point of ordering so many if you’re just going to let them get cold?”
“It’s not like they’re going to go to waste,” Vell said. The same time loop that allowed him to eat massive amounts of french fries without fear of gaining weight also allowed him to avoid food waste. One of the upsides of life in a time loop.
“Just eat, Vell,” Kim said. “You worry too much about all this shit.”
“I’m in charge, it’s my job to worry about it,” Vell said.
“It’s your job to handle it,” Kim said. “There’s no point thinking about this shit before it happens, you spend all day thinking about an elephant and then the universe drops, like, a bat with tentacles on your head. Just deal with as it comes, Vell.”
Vell leaned on the table and managed to chomp down on a french fry or two.
“You know, next year, when I’m not running the show anymore, I’m going to call and see if you still think it’s that easy.”
“I sure hope so,” Kim said. “I’m saying all this shit trying to make myself believe it too.”
“Oh good, you’re lying to both of us,” Vell said. “That’s cool.”
“Fake it ‘til you make it, Vell, that’s how it goes,” Kim said. “Eat your damn french fries.”
Vell rolled his eyes and returned to his fries, which were now starting to cool. Thankfully he would not have to worry about finishing them. A loud crash from across campus interrupted him mid-bite and nearly made Vell choke on his fries. He painfully swallowed the half-chewed food and then looked over his shoulder.
“Son of a bitch, finally,” Vell said. A few years ago he’d found it weird whenever he was relieved about a disaster, but now he was just genuinely glad to get it over with. The waiting was as killer as the apocalypse. He tossed his fries in the trash and headed toward the sound of chaos, with Kim right behind him.
“Already told everybody?”
“Well, I may or may not have left Alex and Helena out of the loop…”
“Kim.”
“They’d find out anyway,” Kim said. “I got to use my brain parts to get in touch with them, even over wi-fi that shit feels dirty.”
“Just get in- stop.”
Vell held out his hand. Kim froze in place and did not move. Not intentionally, at least. There was a small amount of unintentional movement. The ground was vibrating.
“Always love a good earthquake,” Kim said.
“That’s not a quake,” Vell said. “That’s...footsteps!”
Vell grabbed Kim and dove out of the way just in time for something to barrel through the walls of the dining hall and stampede across the room. Tables, chairs, and more than a few students were crushed under the feet of a hulking, brown-furred behemoth as it charged. Kim picked herself and Vell up off the floor and tried to trail its progress.
“That’s a- oh fuck me,” Kim said. “Please don’t say you told me so.”
Vell got his bearings and looked across the room at the titanic form of a woolly mammoth. Though it was definitely recognizable as an archaic mammoth, the ancient creature was also heavily mutated, unnaturally large even by mammoth standards, and with multiple curled, jagged tusks protruding from a slobbering maw.
“Well that could be unrelated,” Vell said. “Mammoths can come from a lot of places, cloning accidents, time machines…”
The mammoth reached a wall, and rather than barreling through, turned around, facing directly towards Vell. A prominent scar covered the bridge of its broad trunk.
“Oh, nope, that’s definitely Mae,” Vell said. The scar was in the same place and at the same angle. Even a clone wouldn’t have an identical scar.
Once the revelation had struck, Mae took her turn. Vell found himself staring straight down the barrel of a very angry mammoth coming right at him at Vell-squishing velocity. Luckily he’d been charged at by a lot of creatures over four years of looping.
Vell jumped up and to the side, and latched on to one of the curled tusks, which made for very convenient handlebars. Kim did the same on the opposite side of Mae, and punched her in the head.
“Wait, wait, hold off on the violence for a second,” Vell shouted. He tried to wave at Kim to stop, but Mae was thrashing so violently he had to grip the tusks with both hands.
“Good plan,” Kim shouted. “Can you get Mae on board?”
Another set of tables got crushed underfoot. Thankfully the other students were out of trampling range by now, but Mae Noi’s feet were still coated in the blood of earlier victims.
“Mae’s smart, maybe we can calm her down,” Vell said. He then ducked to dodge a swat from Mae’s mutated trunk.
“Call me crazy, Vell, but I think this is more than just a bad mood,” Kim said, as she climbed up Mae’s seven jagged tusks like a ladder.
“We have to try,” Vell said. The loopers rule against hurting other intelligent life forms had some flexibility for blood-crazed mutants on violent rampages, but they had to at least try to reason first. Vell climbed up on of Mae’s tusks and looked into one of her bloodshot eyes for any sign of recognition. “Mae! It’s Vell, do you remember?”
The only response Vell got was an enraged trumpet, which he didn’t think was a “yes”.
“Come on, bud,” Vell said. “What’s an elephant’s favorite part of a tree, right? The trunk?”
The massive brown eye staring at Vell blinked, and he felt a brief glimmer of hope. He then felt a brief glimmer of his lungs being crushed as Mae swung her head and slammed her tusks into the wall, and Vell along with them. Kim punched Mae in the throat and then jumped across the tusks to grab Vell and carry him to safety.
“You okay, Vell?”
He opened his mouth to respond, and a pint or two of blood came out instead.
“Apparently not,” he mumbled. “I might be down a few ribs. And a lung. Or two.”
Kim carried Vell a safe distance from the fight and set him down on the ground, where he promptly spat out another mouthful of blood.
“Okay, uh, you just lie there and try to die peacefully, I guess,” Kim said.
“Way ahead of you.”
***
“Was that last bit as funny as I thought it was?” Vell asked. “I think the blood loss was affecting my sense of humor.”
“It was kind of hard to appreciate in the moment,” Kim said. “But as far as dying jokes go, it was pretty good.”
Vell and Kim walked into the lair for their morning meeting and joined the loopers that had already gathered.
“Okay, what’d I miss while I was dead?”
“Well, after Alex was done getting herself killed,” Samson began.
“You’re saying that as if it’s something to be ashamed of,” Alex said. “Vell also died.”
“Yeah, but he got killed trying to do something good. You got killed trying to do something stupid.”
“Trying to eliminate a threat is not stupid,” Alex said.
“We don’t kill intelligent creatures,” Hawke said. “Sometimes we punch them into a coma, but we don’t kill them.”
“When a dog bites, you put it down, I don’t see why the same principle doesn’t apply to a mammoth that’s crushed seventy people.”
“That wasn’t Mae’s fault,” Vell said. “She got mutated, or something. On that note: did you guys figure out what happened to Mae Noi?”
“Nothing,” Hawke said. “Looked like Mae smashed up the entire lab, trampled everyone involved in the experiment too. Nothing left to investigate, and nobody left alive to interrogate.”
“Typical,” Vell sighed. “At least we have an easy out. Dean Lichman was really concerned about the ethics of that whole experiment. We raise some kind of complaint, we could probably get the whole thing shut down.”
“The problem is getting the complaint,” Hawke said. “That lab was airtight, Vell.”
“Apparently not completely airtight,” Kim said. “I can camp out in the lab and raise an entirely justifiable stink whenever something capable of making a murder-mammoth shows up.”
“And what if it happens so suddenly you can’t complain about it?” Samson asked. “For all we know that could’ve been some kind of dimensional rift, or time anomaly, or something. It might not be as simple as somebody just putting in the wrong syringe at the wrong time.”
“He’s got a point,” Vell said. “We might want to shut this down before it gets there.”
“Seems like our best option is to plant evidence, then,” Alex said.
Everyone else at the table spent a few seconds brainstorming ways to prove her wrong, and much to their frustration, could not.
“Okay, fine,” Vell said. “But it needs to be something incidental, not something anyone would get blamed for. We want to cancel the experiment, not get anyone in trouble.”
“I could have a seizure on some sensitive equipment,” Helena offered. “It’ll break something and nobody would dare get mad at me.”
“Can you fake a seizure?”
“No, but I’m allergic to elephants, so I’d probably have one anyway the moment I stepped in the lab,” Helena said.
“I don’t feel entirely comfortable sending you into anaphylactic shock for a bit,” Vell said.
“Offer’s on the table,” Helena said. “I’ll live. Wouldn’t have made it through that trip to the zoo otherwise.”
“Anybody have any non-medical emergency suggestions?”
“Seagull in the air vents,” Kim said.
“Will that work?”
“It happens now and then,” Kim said. “Seagull gets in, and Dean has to close down the whole lab for potential material damage and biohazard risks if they shit in the vents.”
“Really? We’ve never had to deal with anything like that,” Hawke said.
“It may shock you to learn that sometimes minor, tedious bullshit happens that we have nothing to do with,” Kim said.
“That is kind of surprising, actually.”
“Enough. Kim, can you grab a seagull?” Vell asked. He shouldered his bookbag, and stuck a hand into the extradimensional pocket that existed within it. “I can probably smuggle it in with my bag.”
“Yeah, I can get you a seagull,” Kim said. Since she did not need to sleep, she had to find ways to keep herself entertained at night, seagull-grabbing being among them.
“Alright, we’ll go grab one and put it in the bag,” Vell said. “The rest of you, be ready to meet us when I call.”
***
Roughly three minutes later, Vell put out the call and they reconvened in front of the biology lab.
“Yeah, that was much faster than I thought it would be,” Vell said.
“I’m great at grabbin’ birds,” Kim said. Seagulls were among the easier birds to snatch, even. They were suckers for food, and many of them were attracted to her shiny metallic body anyway.
“Let’s just get this over with,” Vell said. “I want this thing out of my bag ASAP.”
Even though the seagull was safely within a pocket dimension, Vell would swear he could still feel the bird thrashing and squawking inside his bag. He tightened his grip on the shoulder strap and led the way towards the zoology lab entrance. He grabbed the handle and held it as he froze for a second.
“Vell, what’s up? Is this bird escaping?”
“No, the handle’s vibrating,” Vell said. It was shaking the same way a wall near an incredibly loud speaker might. He pressed his ear to the door and listened closely. He opened the door immediately, and let all his friends hear the frantic trumpeting of a panicked elephant.
Inside the lab, Mae Noi was stomping her feet and trumpeting as loud as he long trunk would allow. She swayed from side to side in her pen, bumping against the walls not quite hard enough to damage them, but hard enough that it was clear she was doing it on purpose.
“What the heck is happening here?”
“Ah, Vell,” Dean Lichman said. He hustled over to Vell’s side and gestured to the entire room. “Maybe you can figure out what’s going on.”
Mae Noi stopped braying long enough to start mashing her trunk against her pedestal, mashing out the word “Bad” over and over again.
“Our test subject, Mae Noi, has been throwing an absolute fit ever since she got here,” Dean Lichman said. “Dr. Chanthara, these are the students I was telling you about earlier.”
While Vell reintroduced himself to Dr. Chanthara, Kim and Hawke stepped up to examine Mae Noi and her enclosure. It was a far cry from the peaceful, orderly scene they had examined on the first loop. They were half an hour earlier this time than before, but Kim found it unlikely that they had been able to calm Mae Noi down, clean everything up, and get back to work in such a short amount of time. They hadn’t mentioned any of this panic on the first loop either. They were soon joined in their confusion by Chanthara and Vell.
“We’ve tried everything; food, water, her favorite toys, even videos of her children,” Dr. Chanthara said. “We’ve even offered to call off the experiment, but she won’t listen.”
“She is an animal,” Alex said. “Sometimes they do things arbitrarily.”
“Not Mae,” Dr. Chanthara said. “Some of our sanctuaries residents from traumatic backgrounds can have outbursts, but Mae was injured in the wild. She’s never been like this.”
“Maybe some experiment on the island is upsetting her,” Vell said. “A sonic experiment only she can hear, or something…”
Vell stopped and thought about it. If there had been such an irritant, it would’ve been there on the first loop too. Everything always repeated exactly the same, except for-
“Could you, uh, take a step back for a second?” Vell mumbled. “I want to try talking to her.”
“Don’t get close,” Chanthara warned him.
“I’m not, I’m not,” Vell said. He didn’t need to get very close to tell a joke.
The massive brown eyes of Mae Noi stayed locked on Vell as he approached, and she continued to mash the “Bad” button on her pedestal.
“I know, I know, bad,” Vell said. “But, uh, do you want to hear a joke?”
Mae Noi stopped. She locked eyes with Vell for a few seconds, and then cautiously tapped a button on her pedestal.
“Joke.”
“Right, joke,” Vell said. He tried to recall the exact sequence of words Mae had used on the first loop. “What elephant favorite part tree?”
Mae didn’t blink.
“Trunk,” Vell said.
After a moment of contemplation, Mae Noi let out one final, fervent, trumpet, and then started mashing buttons on her pedestal again.
“Bad. Help. Help. Experiment. Bad. Help. Bad. Help.”
“Yeah, bad help, one second,” Vell said. He turned away from Mae Noi to look at Dean Lichman. “Hey, uh, excuse me, Dean? Hey, uh, if I remember correctly there are some pretty complicated rules on having intelligent animals on campus, yes?”
“Well, yes,” Dean Lichman said. After hearing of some questionable ethical practices involving an octopus back in first year, he had instituted a few clauses into the school’s ethical code of conduct regarding intelligent animals like elephants, octopuses, and dolphins. “Mae’s presence here is a bit of an outlier, but there were workaround, given her apparent consent to the experiment.”
“Yeah, about that, is she, uh,” Vell began. “Is she registered as a student?”
“Yes.”
Vell pursed his lips. It took a few seconds for his friends to catch on.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Samson snapped. He turned his back on the crowd and leaned against a wall while Hawke put his head in his hands.
“The first rule of looping,” Alex said quietly. “Loopers are randomly selected-”
She looked up and locked eyes with Mae Noi.
“From all registered students.”

For reference, this is happening in Texas. I received a call earlier today from the local PD. After confirming my name, the officer on the phone said "This is Officer ____. I'm calling in regards to a claim of (SA) made by a girl you know from (Local college). You're not in trouble, we just wanna hear your side of the story. I want to set up a time when we can speak to you about what happened. It might be a misunderstanding, or a case of two people reading the situation differently. Again, you're not in trouble. You don't have to come by today, just anytime you're free." I told him that I was at work, and I'd call him back as soon as I could make time to get over there. The whole thing seemed weirdly informal to me. I checked the active warrants list afterwards, and I don't see my name on there. Is this normal procedure for these kinds of things, or is the cop trying to lul me into a sense of flase security? How do these usually play out, and is it wise to give a statement? I never had sex with the girl. We only hung out once and that was a month ago.
TL;DR: Is this how cops usually handle SA allegations?

Discount is $1 off per every $10. .
Payments via Venmo, Cashapp or Paypal family and friends. All HD except for some 4K at the top, and one SD at the bottom. . . 4K (MA unless noted) $4.25 unless noted
The Abyss $6 Anne (1982) Captain Marvel Clear and Present Danger (iTunes /Vudu) Cool Hand Luke Dumbo (Burton) Ghost in the Shell (anime, iTunes /Vudu) Holiday Inn (1942) Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit (iTunes /Vudu) Jurassic World $4 Lightyear Shazam Fury of the Gods $5 The Sum of All Fears (iTunes /Vudu) The Hitman's Bodyguard (Google/iTunes /Vudu) To Kill a Mockingbird To Sir, With Love (1967) . . MA (HD) $2.50 unless noted 1917 21 Jump Street 47 Ronin A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood $3 Alien Alien Covenant The Amazing Spider-Man The Amazing Spider-Man 2 American Hustle Atomic Blonde Avengers Endgame $3 Bad Words $3 Battleship Bohemian Rhapsody The Bourne Identity $3 Deadpool Dr. Seuss' The Lorax Dracula Untold Enough Said $4 Epic (Blue Sky, animated) Evil Dead Rise $3 Fifty Shades Freed $2 Fifty Shades of Grey (unrated) $2 Furious 7 extended Fury $3 Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 Hail, Caesar! Independence Day Resurgence $3 Jumanji Welcome to the Jungle Jungle Cruise $3.50 Jurassic Park Jurassic World Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom Justice League X RWBY Super Heroes & Huntsmen part 2 $3 Kingsman The Secret Service Life of Pi Logan $3 The Longest Ride $2.50 Looper Lucy Mr. Peabody & Sherman Mulan (live action) Parental Guidance Prometheus Riddick (director's cut) $3.50 Ride Along 2 Secret in Their Eyes Spider-Man No Way Home $4 Spider-Man Homecoming $3 Star Wars The Force Awakens $2 Ted (unrated) The Purge Election Year Thor Ragnarok $3 Trolls Venom $3 X-Men Apocalypse . . iTunes /Vudu (HD) $2.50 unless noted A Quiet Place Chicago $3 Fences G.I. Joe Retaliation Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit Pet Sematary (1989) $3.50 Star Trek Beyond Star Trek Beyond (might be 4K) $3 . . Vudu only (HD) $2.50 unless noted All is Lost $4 Begin Again $3 Escape From Planet Earth (animated) Little House on the Prairie season 2 $4 Standoff (Fishburne) $3 Tucker The Man and his Dream $3.50 Valerian . . Vudu/Google (HD) $2.50 unless noted The Hateful Eight $3 Men (A24) $3.50 Siberia Skyfall $2.50 Wild Card . . iTunes/Vudu/Google (HD) $2.50 unless noted The Cabin in the Woods Hell or High Water $3 The Hunger Games (all four movies) $9 The Hunger Games Mockingay part 1 $3 The Hunger Games Mockingay part 2 $3.50 Mechanic Resurrection $3 Now You See Me The Shack Twilight Breaking Dawn 2 $2 What to Expect When You're Expecting . . iTunes only (HD) $2.50 unless noted Captain America The First Avenger Cowboys & Aliens No Time to Die $3.50 Wall Street Money Never Sleeps . . Movie Spree Ultraman Ultra Q Complete Series $5 Ultraman Neo Ultra Q Complete Series $5 Night of the Living Dead $4 . . SD titles
Fast Five $1

The Eugene Tea Festival is returning this Memorial Day Weekend, on Sunday, May 26th, 2024!
We are delighted to share the magic of tea and come together as a community to celebrate connection, wellness, and a delicious cuppa! Join us for free tea tastings, a vibrant marketplace, and educational workshops covering topics from herbalism to the culture of tea.
The Eugene Tea Festival will be a sensational pour fest where you will have the opportunity to taste a wide variety of teas, learn about new types of tea, and participate in tea ceremonies. You can sign up for workshops where you can explore the history and culture of teas from around the world, do a focused tea tasting, learn new hands-on artistic techniques, and participate in other group activities.
Register here for tickets.
Location: Farmer's Market Pavilion, 85. E. 8th Avenue Eugene, OR 97401
~Tasting & Ticket Options!~
General Admission
Celebrate tea, wellness, and connection at the Farmers Market Pavilion in downtown Eugene, Oregon. Your ticket supports the Eugene Tea Festival so we can keep coming back year after year.
$10
Includes:
-Early Access to Workshop Registration (Classes are Free)
-2024 Festival Cup
-Shopping Bag (100% Recyclable)
Inclusive Admission
Tea is for everyone. We welcome anyone who wants to enjoy the Eugene Tea Festival, regardless of their financial situation.
Free
Includes:
-Compostable Cup for Tastings

I've suffered over a year and a half of progress being undone in the wake of this relapse & in my experience both before and after recovery, one of the most vicious and difficult parts of this ED is the inherent gaslight of just how invisible the very nature of this fkn ED.
Now before anyone jumps on me about the rules, I'm not comparing or invalidating other ED's. I'm ranting on my own experiences from my personal perspective on my individual struggles from two opposing ED's. I apologize if any statements come across as inflammatory, I just want to make this clear bc even tho ik no one is likely to give this the time of day I'm only seeking an outlet for my pain, and in case anyone does scroll past this, I want this context so nothing I say risks being received in a damaging way.
I was in a medical magnet program throughout the entirety of high school + summer courses and despite all the classes, units, lessons, and a whole year of school - all focused specifically on health, diet, and nutrition - it took me YEARS and a stroke of blind luck and chance to stumble across something & then later realize not only did non restrictive ED's exist but I myself had one.
I was failed by my education AND my doctors bc even though I was far from healthy and overweight, restriction was the only concern anyone ever had - & likely only as a precaution bc my medication has a known side affect suppressing appetite.
And despite all the results I could pull up with a Google search, I've only ever experienced Binge ED as feeling invisible, dismissed, and invalidated.
I distinctly remember breaking down in frustration over discovering that nothing relating to binge ED would trigger the same content warning/concern pop ups on different platforms that tags and keywords pertaining to restriction & other EDs/mental health struggles are flagged by.
I'd grown so bitter and resentful bc the experiences I had just seem to compound this feeling that my struggle and pain was only ever seen, validated, cared about, etc if it fit some pre-constructed narrative. Like even tho it existed, it wasn't acknowledged or important enough to be on anyone's radar like other issues are. Dealing with an ED sucks, but an ED so seemingly forgotten and dismissed felt like rubbing salt in a wound the world gaslight you about and does it so well you feel like can't even be upset you're being gaslit.
It took me two years to overcome my ED, and I still felt a flicker of resentment when my history in my relationship with food couldn't be avoided bc where before I'd be met with platitudes about body positivity, at a smaller size people would immediately jump to conclusions about the nature of my past struggle with food.
And don't get me started on boundary pushing even after point of recovery. Holidays, celebrations, special occasions. No one tells a recovered alcoholic "oh treat yourself, you can afford it, it's just one glass." And it seems the smaller you are, the more conscious everyone else is about your boundaries with food & more easy it is to disregard your comfort. And like the social awareness of restrictive disorders makes people feel more comfortable in encouraging you to indulge and cross that boundary, especially in cases where you're confronted with someone who weaponizes "body positivity" as a vehicle for their own toxicity.
Being in a smaller body when struggling with a relapse just inflames these sensitivities to an exponential magnitude and I'm now dealing with the vicious whiplash of not just my ED, but the old wounds from before my recovery, the pressures after recovering, and now being met with assumptions trying to seek support and dismissal if I try to get ahead of the assumptions when I just want to reach out and feel seen.
I slipped up some thanks to boundary pushing over the holidays, but it's my medication that tipped me over into a full blown relapse and despite raising concerns with my doctor, seeing my weight increase steadily over time with episodes becoming more and more frequent, my concern has been brushed aside and I've now been left with the devastating impact of facing a year and a half of recovery undone and stuck taking a medication that is triggering my ED and an overall feeling of suffering for things entirely out of my control.
It took years finding what meds worked for me, and unfortunately mine carry a stigma and have a well known side effect of suppressing appetite. There's also a nationwide shortage and each prescription that gets filled feels weaker and weaker. Prior to my recovery, I was quite sedentary and while I've finally gotten to a place where I'm invested in my quality of life and am thriving pursuing a demanding lifestyle that's kept me active and engaged in my day to day, managing my disability requires a higher threshold than my current dose can meet and while my prior dose was most effective and is one I had for years, it's higher than standard and my doctors are reluctant to help me.
So I face having to overcome the stigma my meds carry, trying to build trust with my medical providers to gain back the Healthcare I lost to depression (& losing my Prior insurance/coverage - too $$$), am working gradually towards increasing my dose amidst a shortage where others with my disability are universally reporting weakened-totally ineffective prescription, and because my meds were adjusted (increased for one, decreased proportionally for the other) my doctor dismissed my concerns citing the lowered dose when I stated my new meds trigger my appetite even tho I could have eaten and be full shortly before they take effect.
I can't stop these meds but keeping them makes me feel insatiable and is inflaming binge episodes but it's effect on my appetite is dismissed as a change of dose and if not being able to manage my disability well enough with this lower dose isn't enough to advocate for my meds, raising a weight concern with a medication that is reputed to be an appetite suppressant is going to work against me even more.
The end result has me now at the point of calling out of work on bad days to spare the mental distress of having to tie an apron around my waist and be a constant trigger the entirety of my shift, and feeling like my only options are to choose between managing my disability or my ED -
All because no one takes binge eating seriously and so stubbornly clings onto the societal view of restrictive disorders as the default and if you're small your struggles with eating aren't valid outside those parameters.
I just want to pursue health, happiness, and mental & physical wellness and not let my disability or disorders be a barrier to my pursuit in sustaining quality of life.
I've never felt so powerless, unseen, or alone.

Hi all, Mod team here!
We're writing this post because we need your help in making and keeping this sub recovery-oriented.
This sub wasn't being actively moderated for awhile, and it lost the recovery focus it was intended to have and a lot of posts went through that were about people in crisis and triggering. But with new mods, it's been improving to a more recovery-oriented place over the last month or so. It's more constructive and has posts directly about recovery. This was the original intent when this sub was created.
Living with OCD, and trying to recover from it can be very challenging as I am sure you know. So venting, being in crisis, and feeling despair is part of the journey, especially early on. And having people who understand and hear you can be healing and what's needed.
There are so many OCD groups and subreddits that are for this and allow this. But this subreddit was created specifically to be more positive and recovery oriented. Ultimately a sub can't be recovery focused when it allows all kinds of posts, especially with an intense illness like OCD.
To keep it a constructive and healing place, we have to remove up to 20% of posts that break the rules every week, otherwise it devolves quickly into a triggering and generally not a conducive place for recovery. Unfortunately, we only have a few mods and we can't check in as often as needed to allow for timely removal of rule-breaking posts.
So we're asking for the community's help in moderating this sub by reporting posts that break the rules. It would really help maintain the vibe of this place and you would be investing in a place that you like and can help in your recovery.
.
Below are the rules that are broken most. When you see posts like this, report it by > selecting the three dots on the top right of the post
> Click "Report" from the drop down
> From the pop up choose "Breaks OCDRecovery rules" and hit Next
> Then choose the rule that is broken and hit Submit
Don't hesitate to report borderline posts, as the mods can review and decide to remove or not. And just FYI, know that the mods can't see who's reporting. .
.
Here are the rules broken most often:

Do Not Ask for or Provide Reassurance:

Giving reassurance to someone with OCD may temporarily soothe them, but it may prolong, worsen, or enable the OCD to continue. Avoid.
It's ok to provide general empathetic statements. However, avoid reassuring someone that their worst fear won't come true because of xyz.
​

No crisis, begging or venting posts:

This subreddit is intended to be a pro-recovery space. In order to maintain a supportive and positive environment for recovery, we don't allow venting/ranting or crisis posts. We're all human and sometimes have the need to vent about OCD, but this isn't the appropriate space for it.
If in crisis, please seek out a mental health professional or call a therapy hotline.
​

No Low-Effort Posts:

As a small community, we have a unique opportunity to provide quality posts to our members. Make sure your posts are high-quality. Include helpful advice, research, resources, personal recovery experience, details on ERP techniques, etc. Include a TL;DR.
Avoid excessive descriptions of your intrusive thoughts. This may be triggering to some readers.
.

No mentions of suicide

.

Do Not Include Graphic Descriptions or Details in Post Titles

.

Add NSFW and Spoiler Tags Where There is Potentially Triggering Content

.
​
All the rules are listed and expanded on, on this page: OCDRecovery rules
Thank you all so much for your help in keeping this sub clean. We hope this place helps you in your recovery journey!
-The Mod team

We all know the 100s of calls we make.. my mail pharmacy also dont have the 10mg.. All I've found available is 2.5mg or 5mg..
So has anyone had a pharmacy decline to fill a lower dosage of mounjaro without an ok from Dr? I know they're covering their skin.. I understand. (They filled a 10mg last month and i trasnferred a 5mg RX today, i still have active, since thats all they have) I've been trying to get a hold of my drs office all day to no avail.. Also, I'm worried Dr will decline me going to 5mg, even if it's cause of the shortage.
I just don't want to be feeling like I was hit by a truck again when I had to miss even 1 dose last month.. This stuff really helps with inflammatory issues! Any advice is greatly appreciated on this issue of trying to get lower dosage approved.. Thank You!

Evening. I'm Greyson. I come to you to ask if this is weird or a red flag on my part. Thanks for reading.
TL;DR Is it bad that I do not have a consistent age spread of friends
Lately my social circle has exploded in activity, and everyone who meets me says that I am 'nice to be around' and 'honest/genuine'. I'm not sure what they are talking about but I don't mind that label, it feels good. I'm getting older (I'm 30M) and I am big on asking people to hang out because I like to learn about people. This could be the college gamer kid I meet at a lan event or the old dude I talk to at the park.
Problem is this: My range extends a decade above and below my age. I've got friends who are 20 and some who are 40-50. Whenever I'm with the younger folks I treat them well and take them seriously/look after them, but sometimes I feel like I'm an old dude hanging around kids, like a man my age should have more friends adjacent to his age and doing something besides being with kids.
I am wondering if this is a sign of immaturity. I know that in the dating space it's looked down upon to be dating people super younger than you, and I agree, but when I'm friends with these people I tend to just treat them how they are, with the thought that they probably might not understand some deeper topics that come with getting older.
Any thoughts or .. nah?

I hope it is OK to post this here.
I haven't read the books nor will I ever read them. My adhd brain would struggle but I just binged all 9 movies in two days.
Where to start.... The Giulio's and Henry Cavils of the world ruin it for the rest of the mortals. Wet dreams anyone? 🥰
I appreciated how the intimate scenes were handled with such a sensual touch. 😅 The chemistry and passion felt authentic and beautifully erotic without being gratuitous. The longing and desire on all of these scenes were just 🔥
I did find myself however, saying a lot of "oh please!" Couldn't stand Julia's constant dramatic insecurities, they made me cringe. Can't pinpoint exact scenes (too many) but the movies could have gone without.
I was disappointed we never got to witness her completing her PhD. Earning that doctoral degree was nearly as important to her as was finding Gabriel. She went through hell, fought tooth and nail for it. It's a shame they chose not to include that final accomplishment. Depicting a woman achieving such a prestigious academic milestone alongside being a mother would have sent a powerful message. Women are multidimensional - we are so much more than child-bearers. By showcasing her intellectual triumph, it could have inspired viewers and challenged the narrow stereotypes that still confine women's identities. They missed an opportunity to celebrate the multiple roles women can excel in beyond just procreation. Not to mention, the active role fathers should take in a child's life.
Anywho, my two cents. On the flip side, I just discovered Passionflix and it instantly become my guilty pleasure.
All in all, Gabriel's Inferno was a masterclass in capturing the intoxicating dance of sensuality. And now, back to reality 😂😂😂

Few individuals shine as brightly as Dr. Dave Nayak. His dedication to serving others transcends his professional roles, making him a beacon of hope and a pillar of strength for many. Dr. Nayak's journey is a compelling narrative of compassion, resilience, and relentless commitment to making a difference.
Dr. Nayak's primary vocation is that of a medical doctor. Through the Strength to Love Foundation, he offers free healthcare to uninsured patients. In a healthcare system where access is often limited by financial constraints, Dr. Nayak’s efforts ensure that those most in need receive the care they deserve. His work is a testament to the belief that healthcare is a fundamental right, not a privilege reserved for the few. The foundation stands as a lifeline for countless individuals who might otherwise be left without essential medical services.
Beyond the walls of his clinic, Dr. Nayak dedicates himself to farming. On Nayak Farms, he cultivates specialty crops such as sweet corn and green beans. Rather than selling his produce for profit, Dr. Nayak donates it to local food banks and pantries. This generous act addresses the critical issue of food insecurity, providing fresh and nutritious food to families who might otherwise struggle to afford it. His agricultural contributions reflect a profound commitment to nurturing his community's health and well-being from the ground up.
Dr. Nayak’s impact does not stop at healthcare and agriculture. He is also a passionate community activist, particularly focused on the issue of gun violence. The devastating effects of gun violence, especially on young lives, moved him to action. Through his advocacy, Dr. Nayak successfully lobbied for legislation in the Illinois Congress that provides financial assistance for the burials and funerals of children murdered by gun violence. This legislation offers crucial support to grieving families, helping them navigate the difficult aftermath of such tragedies without the added burden of financial stress.
Balancing these diverse roles is no small feat, but Dr. Nayak’s work in each area is interconnected by a single, unifying mission: to serve and uplift his community. His medical practice informs his understanding of health needs, his farming addresses food insecurity, and his activism fights for systemic change and justice. Each aspect of his work complements the others, creating a holistic approach to community service.
Dr. Nayak's story is an inspiring example of how one individual's dedication can create ripples of positive change. His actions are driven by a deep sense of empathy and responsibility towards those around him. The gratitude of patients receiving free care, the smiles of families enjoying fresh produce, and the relief of parents supported through his legislation are the true measures of his impact.
Dr. Dave Nayak exemplifies the power of compassion and action. His journey encourages us all to look at our own lives and consider how we can contribute to the well-being of our communities. Whether through professional expertise, personal passions, or advocacy for justice, we all have the potential to make a difference. Dr. Nayak's multifaceted approach to philanthropy serves as a powerful reminder that with dedication and heart, we can create a more just and caring world.
Thank you for taking the time to learn about Dr. Dave Nayak’s incredible journey. His story is a call to action for each of us to find our own ways to give back and support those around us.

Retired from Active duty Army in 2013 and my initial claim got to 30%. In 2016 I admitted to myself that I was dealing with a bunch of physical and mental stuff and my wife and a few close friend convince me to file again (increase and new claims). Made it to 80% (back, shoulders, ankle, PTSD). Last year I decided to file for some increases and some new issues (sleep apnea, arm issues, sciatica). During the exams and regular dr visits some other conditions were diagnosed and all secondary to my back. So I added those. Last week my claim went from “gathering evidence” to “pending decision” to “prep for notification” in two days. Today, I checked Va.gov… 100% P&T with everything I claimed awarded (some at 0%). Back pay is going to day back to Aug 23. I’m still wrapping my head around the implications. Back pay will erase all of our debt (minus mortgage) and the increase will change everything else we do. Lots of hours reading the CFR and researching pubmed studies really helped connecting the dots for the raters at VA. GET SMART, KEEP FIGHTING