A real powerful spell to make him love me

I'm rewatching for the 3rd or 4th time, watched it live back then and loved it, since then, with every rewatch I love it and appreciate it more each time.
Something that I suddenly realized, with the advantage of knowing what happens with every character and why, I have to say, I absolutely dislike John Locke. On all levels.
Fully aware of all his baggage and backstory, he is arrogant, he is selfish, he is sure he knows best and the fact that he feels comfortable physically hurting others for what he deems is the greater good, just makes him a horrible person.
For a person that is constantly yelling "Don't tell me what I can't do" he is the one going around telling people what to do or not.
I'm up to episode 13, Hearts and Minds, he has by now attacked Sayid hitting him on the head (and destroyed their radio equipment), he has attacked Boone, also hitting him on the head. He gives Sayid a knife and sends him off at Sawyer despite not knowing anything about the conflict.
He is arrogant to a point that I just can't stand. Whatever pity points he got when we learn his tragic story, they just aren't enough to offset his selfish actions.
Also, I get that people are a bit jaded from their own personal tragedies, but Claire has just been abducted by someone who almost killed Charlie (as far as they know) and people are just so peachy and not sad or worried or even concerned, people are walking around chatting, laughing... I would expect to see at least a few sad faces, I'd hope there would be some talk about organizing guard duty to watch out while people sleep in shifts. I dunno something... They are all taking it like "Well, shit happens, weird island, anyway... more food for the rest of us". I get that looking for her is not a realistic option, but to be so carefree when someone so vulnerable has had such a tragic thing done to them, super weird and tone deaf. If it wasn't for Charlie being nearly catatonic, you'd think nothing at all had happened.

I honestly feel guilty for even typing that I'm technically not "forever alone" since I have a few people that are friends and that care for me, but I still feel more lonely than ever before. It hurts me to see some of them care about me at all because it feels like wasted energy. I feel guilt for having any friends at all.
I'm a fucking mess, just barely holding together, pretending to be barely functioning most of the time. It feels like I'm selling people a lie. Just doing everything to keep them close while also pushing them away because I don't deserve any love.
And despite all that I still have this great sense of isolation and the laughable desire for romantic contact. I feel fucking ashamed for feeling love or being attracted to people. Everyone I know always assumed I was asexual or somthing because I got that deeprooted fear of showing that side of me. I feel disgusted imagining myself from the outside being in love or sexually attracted to someone to the point I'd feel bad for that hypothecial person. And throughout all those years not a single person has felt any romantic affection towards me anyway. I was only indirectly called ugly a few times, otherwise I avoided those kinds of conversations like the plague or made fun of myself publically to take away any ammunition. Basically being the class clown as a defense mechanism and because I hate myself.
In the end, I may be good enough as a companion but I think everyone realizes that I'm too fundamentally broken to risk loving me. That's a problem entirely on my part. I don't blame anyone for not loving me, it's honestly a smart choice. I just still hate it though I should appreciate it.
People keep telling me that I'm good with others, helpful, kind and even "social", but I feel like that only works because they can keep me at arm's length and don't touch me with a 10 foot pole.
Also of course, I don't look good, am a social recluse outside of mandatory things like school back then or Uni now, so noone really knows me beyond all that. Partially due to familial circumstances I can't control and tried to fix, but I'm too much of a failure for that. Stuck in this life cycle if I want to or not.
Having to "love yourself before you can love someone else" is a sentence I hear way too often and it breaks me because it feels like a sealed deal. There is no way out of this. Being unloved and unwanted makes me hate myself even more so how is this going to end? And I also know plenty of people that are in relationships despite hating themselves to this day.
It's just that I'm most likely fundamentally unnerving. Not even in a typical "creepy" way (god I hope so). It's not like I ever approached anyone romantically because it makes me feel like a creep and disgusted. I'm probably more like a plastic person, pretending to be real, or a chameleon changing depending on the people I'm with. All my sociability is fake and incredibly exhausting. I'm simply uncanny.
And yet I still have people that care way too much about me and I just feel bad for them. I feel awful that they put so much energy into someone that's been destroying himself all his life without an end in sight and that their love cannot replace my stupid fucking desire for romance. Something I never wanted as a kid and yet I still fall for people like an idiot.
And I can't talk to them about this because it'll just make them feel awful, guilty or like I may be blaming them. So I guess I'll vent about it here and eventually take it with me to my grave.

To start this story off, I suppose it's best to talk a little bit about myself and my experience in the TTRPG space. I've been an avid TTRPG enthusiast for almost two decades now. Yes, I'm a bit of an old hat/old fogey. I started my enjoyment of the hobby with Pathfinder 1st edition, eventually transferring over to DnD 5e when it first arrived on the scene, mostly because it was the new hotness, but I ultimately found that it was better suited for the type of games that I enjoy running at my table. While I very adamantly enjoy the structure that a game's mechanical rules bring to the table, 5e provided a rules system that wasn't invasive, and so me and my friends were able to focus on the things about the game that we enjoyed the most - the roleplaying, the storytelling, and (most importantly) the fun.
Many years would go by, as well as a couple of what I would consider to be successful campaigns - basically anything that managed to survive longer than 3 months. Scheduling, right? I digress. Eventually, I arrived at a point where my current circle of friends and I were itching to play a new campaign, and for the shits and giggles of it we decided we would livestream it on Twitch. At the time, we had managed to get affiliated on Twitch, and one or two of us would occasionally have a couple of viewers pop in when we were streaming whatever video game we were playing, and we figured it would be fun to do the same thing with our next campaign. So we did. As you might expect, nothing really ever came out of it. We were just doing it for fun. The campaign only lasted about 3 months or so, and we never set out with the expectation that what we were releasing into the world was anything amazing - we were just four normal dudes having fun playing a game we enjoyed, and if you happened to find yourself on our Twitch channel to see it, awesome! If not, cool. We weren't doing it for you.
So, yeah, that campaign eventually fell off, and we would eventually return to just streaming whatever video game excited us. One of friends got married, and had a kid, and was too busy for DnD. Another friend got a new job, and his schedule just didn't give him the time. Hell, even I managed to land a pretty decent job at the time, and I struggled to make time for our weekly video game nights, but I managed. But ever since that streamed campaign had ended, I had an itch in the back of my mind that I really wanted to scratch. I thoroughly enjoyed everything about livestreaming our campaign. Sure, it was nothing to write home about, but I fell in love with the showmanship of it all. Maybe it was because of the thought of the potential for someone to eventually watch it, but whenever we would stream, I would get in the zone and pretend I was putting on a show for thousands (even though we may have only ever had three or four viewers at max). Basically, I had fallen in love with the idea of putting on a show for others, and I knew I would jump at the chance to do it again in the future. Enter Wayne.
A little over a year ago (at the time of this posting), I was perusing through the /LFG subreddit and not looking for anything in particular, when I stumbled across a post that checked off all the boxes.
I don't like to admit that I'm picky, but that fact that this sub exists should give credence to that fact that one should, at the very least, have a criteria when looking for games to invest yourself in when looking at advertisements. And if my little backstory above should inform you, there were a number of things on my checklist that this post had. For starters, it was longer than a few sentences. Clearly, the person who posted this was meticulous about what they wanted and what they didn't want (I would learn, much later on, that Wayne was not the one who wrote the post, but one of his players). Secondly, the post was very adamant about what was of paramount importance at the table - rich and compelling narratives, deep exploration of characters, and a passion for roleplay. And thirdly, the plan was to turn this into a "production". The post even included a promo video of respectable quality. Clearly, the people involved with this had a plan, much more of a plan than my friends and I had when we streamed. And, I considered myself a pretty decent roleplayer, so I applied. They were only looking for 1 applicant, but I figured I had a decent shot, with my previous livestreaming experience, and the fact that I already owned a (what some would call excessive) microphone and camera. So I shot my shot. If I didn't get picked, no biggie, life goes on. But when I received a discord invite and told that I had made it to the second round of the application process, I was ecstatic.
It is around here that I should introduce you to our cast of characters (names have been changed, of course:

• There is, of course, me, Dave - a guy who fundamentally believes that fun and safety at a table supersedes everything else, who happens to really enjoy hamming it up in character, and telling exciting stories.
  
• Ava - an already confirmed player at the table, with a past experience of playing with Wayne. I would come to find out that Ava was the one who had written the LFG post. Ava was also in charge of Discord moderation, and the second round interview process. She has her own story, which I will allude to here, but is ultimately hers to share.
  
• Jelly - Wayne's significant other. Jelly was supposedly not involved with the upcoming campaign at all, but had a presence on the Discord, and have previously played in Wayne's campaigns.
  Seth - another already confirmed player at the table. Admittedly, Seth plays a minor role in the story, but his inclusion is necessary.
  
  • and Wayne - the lead character of our story. The DM of the upcoming campaign. The visionary. The guy who plans to have the next big thing in the TTRPG actual play space.

There are at least a half dozen other individuals involved in this story, but ultimately play very minor roles. If at some point while I am writing this one of them pop up, I will update the list above to include them.
Back to the story. I was ecstatic to find out I had been selected for an Discord interview and scheduled it at my earliest convenience. This is where I first meet Ava. To be honest, I don't recall much about the interview, but I remember it being pretty standard and what I was expecting an interview to be. Mostly it was just going into detail about some of the stuff I had included in my primary application and talking about expectations and goals. I was told that after the Discord interview, the next step would be a participation in a practice one shot, to get a feel for how I would play at the table. After the interview was over, Wayne hopped into the voice channel, and this would be when I would meet the man, the legend.
I pride myself on being very good at reading people. I can usually pick up on when someone is trying to sell me something, pretty quickly. I tend to over analyze words and expression looking for intent. I have been gaslit and manipulated several times in my past by people very close to me, and so I have developed this defense when meeting people for the first time. Very rarely do I take someone at their word, or completely buy what they are selling when I hardly know them, and even less so to a complete stranger. In this case, when meeting Wayne for the first time, my defenses failed me.
Perhaps it was because it had been over a year since I last ran a campaign. Perhaps it was because it had been even longer than that that I actually got to be a player in a campaign. Perhaps it was because of that itch of wanting to perform again for an audience. Or, perhaps, it was because Wayne was very good at pitching his plans. Whatever the reason, my first impression of Wayne was that this was a guy who had a plan, and had the means to enact that plan, and I wanted to be a part of it in any way that I could.
Wayne, you see, had two big passions in life. The first was DnD. The second, as he would admit, was being an entrepreneur. He owned his own business in New York City. One of several ventures he had pursued, and it afforded him a premium NYC apartment and the time and luxury to spend on his second passion - playing DnD. And so, he thought, why not marry these two passions together? He had a great head for business. And according to him, the last campaign he had run was fantastic. So fantastic, he thought, that surely other people would enjoy listening to it. And so he hatched a plan - he would use his business knowledge and savvy to launch a Youtube channel that would be home to his next great campaign. But he had the foresight, at least, to know of just how saturated the DnD actual play space has become in recent years. If he wanted to be successful at this venture, he would have to stand out from the rest. And he had a solution to that. He wasn't going to put out just any old DnD actual play. He was going to create "DnD Cinema".
To do that, he said, he needed the right people that share in the same core philosophies that he had. Namely, a "pretentious level of hyperfixation on roleplaying and narrative storytelling". Most other actual plays, to him, were playing "beer and pretzels" DnD. You know, the type of game were you sit around with your friends having a good time and a laugh, where you might spend five minutes on an out of character joke, etc. Shit like that wasn't going to fly in this campaign. When you came to the table, you were going to be in character from start to finish. And recording sessions were going to be seven hours long. Could I handle that?
And I admit that I told him I could. Like I said, he had a way with words. He was clearly passionate about it. And he talked a good talk. And he was friendly enough. So he said he would be in touch. And the wait began.
Over the course of the next month or so, I would come to become friends with Ava and Wayne. We would hop into Discord and play games, talk about the upcoming campaign, etc. It was going to be several months before the campaign actually began recording, and so Wayne was still conducting the interview process while also working on worldbuilding for the campaign. He was also spending over $3000 dollars commissioning an animated table for the youtube video. This was clearly something he was very proud of, as he took every and all opportunity to talk about how amazing and innovative it was going to be.
You see, in Wayne's vision of "DnD cinema", the videos that would be put up on youtube would not include the faces of the players. Or battlemaps. Instead, it would be animated table that he could manipulate in editing at various cue points. It would feature portraits of the characters that would light up when they speak. It was the next big thing in the TTRPG space - a (frankly) audio only experience that was accentuated with the occasional fancy animation that cost thousands of dollars. No one else was doing it, he would say, and that would help him stand out even more.
It was also during these more innocent days that I would come to understand Wayne's obsession with Brennan Lee Mulligan. He idolized the guy. In fact, he would brag on multiple occasions that his significant other's job had her 3 or 4 degrees removed from Brennan - basically, she worked for someone who worked for someone who was involved with the Dungeons and Drag Queens season of Dimension 20, and he would often mention how he was hoping to use that connection to someday have a sit down and meet and greet with BLeeM himself. As time would go on, I would eventually find out that Wayne actually considered Brennan Lee Mulligan as his competition.
About a month would past before I would hear anything about my application. I never brought it up during our gaming sessions, as another core tenet of mine is that I don't want my friendship or acquaintance with someone to give me an edge over other candidates. I want my experience and what I bring to the table to stand on its own merit. This will come up later in our story. Eventually, I would get a message from Wayne asking me if I would be interested in participating in a try out one shot for the campaign. Apparently, he had completely forgotten that I had applied, and wanted to schedule in a last minute try out for me. My fellow players during the one shot would be Ava, some other member of the discord community, and Jelly.
I'll be honest, the one shot was nothing to write home about. And even Wayne would admit it was something he threw together last minute so that he could say I had my chance. I immediately found Ava to be a fantastic scene partner, and even for a one shot, put the time and effort into her character and actions. Jelly, on the other hand, was not that good. To be fair to Jelly, my criteria for grading her performance was strictly on the curve that Wayne himself said he was grading people on. I found her to be a very selfish player, who failed to pick up on narrative cues, and was solely focused on her time in the spotlight. But it was a trial one shot that didn't mean anything. My biggest take away from Jelly was that she was a player that I would not enjoy playing with in the future, and that I wouldn't seek out as a player at a table that I was DMing for. Not horror story bad (yet), but not good. Average.
When the application process was done, it would eventually come down to two choices. I was one. Wayne loved my southern twang, and thought it would sound good in a production. And we had become friends. The other was someone with a theater and acting background, who had been to Julliard. I was not selected. And I was okay with that. The decision did not impact my friendship with either Ava or Wayne, and we continued to hang out and play games together. I then learned of Wayne's new plan.
In the original posting ad for the campaign, it had been mentioned that a possibility for guest character appearing in the campaign could happen. The original idea was that, as members of the Discord community would play in one shots, Wayne would then be able to invite stand out performance to appear in an episode or two of the new campaign, as a gift to the community and to give those players a chance to play in a campaign with other players of similar caliber. This all changed as the months got closer to release date. The idea for guests at the table changed completely. Instead, Wayne's plan was to use the guest spots at the table as a networking opportunity. Don't forget - Wayne is an entrepreneur. This was a business venture for him, and successful businesses need to show growth. And he wanted to achieve growth at an accelerated pace. The plan was simple - as the channel grew, Wayne would scour the internet for similar channels with slightly higher subscriber count than his. Well, I say Wayne would do this. Wayne would actually pawn this off on to someone else. A tangent that I will perhaps need to touch on later in this story - Wayne was very good at finding ways of pawning off work on to others, and then taking the credit. He very much believe himself to be a manager, and other members of the Discord that showed any interest in the success of this venture as his employees. He would then engage in communications with these other channels in the hopes of achieving some Quid Pro Quo. You send someone to be a guest on our channel for a few episodes, and we'll shout you out. In return, he would send someone from his channel to theirs, and get a shout out in return. Something to note here - all of this was done without ever including his players in the discussion. He was offering them up to strangers without even asking if they even wanted to do that.
Time passes, and eventually recording for the campaign begins. It would be about two months into recording when Wayne approached me about being the first guest character. (At this point, I had been an active member of the Discord community for over six months now). He wanted me to be the first guest character for two reasons. The first was because I was familiar, and he wanted to test out the format before bringing in strangers. The second was because of my prior livestreaming experience. I was a part of an affiliated Twitch channel that met the criteria of having a slightly higher subscriber count than his. But for the most part, our old Twitch channel was dead. Sure, we still streamed games into the void, but there was practically no engagement. And I told him so when he asked me if I wanted to be introduced as someone from that Twitch channel. I was more involved in his community as that point, anyway. And so, I finally got what I was wanting - to sit down and play quality DnD with like minded individuals for the purposes of entertaining others.
At this point, only a handful of episodes had aired. The recording schedule had them a grace period of a month or so before release, and I admittedly hadn't watched them. Honestly, I wasn't that interested. I don't know if that's bad or not. There are a lot of actual plays out there of varying quality. And each one requires a lot of time commitment to watch. Already I was regularly watching Critical Roll, and I was having a hard time to find time to watch some of the other really good shows I was enjoying, like Dimension 20 and The Glass Cannon. On top of that, it was an game that I wasn't a part of, so yeah, I admit I hadn't watch any of it. But even if I had, it wouldn't have prepared me for what playing at the table was actually like. The released episodes were highly edited, with sound effects and music. It wasn't until I became actually involved at the table that I would find out just how manufactured the game actually was. And I use the word "game" very generously.
For starters, once recording began, all out of character talk and banter was immediately and explicitly forbidden. We were to remain in character at all times. Secondly, I would find out that Wayne had developed a "formula for success" in regards to time spent recording. No scene would ever last longer than ten minutes. If players spent too much time having their characters engaging with each other and the time elapsed, we were moving on the next scene, regardless of if it was a natural conclusion or not. Speaking of the characters, I would come to learn that the characters that the player brought to this campaign were secondary to the story that Wayne wanted to tell. "This campaign isn't character focused, it's story focused" he would say. The campaign simply did not have time for that. I don't like to toss out the word "railroaded" very often, but it quickly became apparent that there was a good bit of railroading being done here. The only character decisions or choices or conversations that would ever make it to the final cut were ones that provided what he thought would be the most interesting while pushing his narrative forward. And for a DnD game, there wasn't a whole lot of game being done here. Sure, the players had character sheets, and classes, but it was all superficial. Combat was a rarity on the level of a shiny Pokemon. I think mostly because Wayne didn't find combat narratively compelling. But in that case, I have to ask, why use DnD as your game system? If all you want to do is roll clicky dice and improv, there are much better systems out there. And speaking of the dice - I'm sad to say that in most cases they were superfluous, as well. The only real purpose the dice served to Wayne was when they could be used to clip epic moments of success or failure. A natural 20 or a natural 1 was gold for him, because then he could clip it into a Youtube or Tiktok Short and grow those subscriber numbers. For a game in which "every decision hung on the roll of a dice", there weren't a lot of dice rolls, there weren't a lot of decisions, and when there were decisions, most of the time, the outcome was predetermined by Wayne. Everything Wayne did in regards to this game was in service to growing his Youtube channel. And the sad part? It worked.
In a shockingly short amount of time, Wayne was able to grow his Youtube channel from just over a 100 subscribers to over a 1000. This was mostly done by his excessive push of Youtube and Tiktok shorts. For a short period of time, I was deemed trustworthy enough to have access to the Youtube channel's admin, and I could view the statistics. The turnover rate for shorts into actual video views was miniscule. Only a tiny fraction were tuning in for the actual show. At this point, he had just become a Youtube Shorts creator.
And I want to mention at this point - I understand and respect the hustle. The world of Youtube is a dog eat dog world, and you have to have to play the game to stay in the game - I get it. I don't have any issue with being proud of what you've created, and pushing it out to people. I really don't. My issue was with how deceptive Wayne was being with it. And how deceptive he was, in general, as I would come to find out.
You see, before the inaugural campaign had even launched, Wayne approached me one day to see if I would be interested in running a campaign on his channel, as I had experience before in it, and had expressed an interest in doing it again. And I will admit, I was excited about the prospect. But before my words of "Yeah, I'd love to talk about" even had a chance to dissipate into the ether, Jelly would hop into the channel, in the middle of the discussion to say, "You know who should run a campaign? Seth." And then immediately log off.
I don't have a lot to say about Seth. I think he is an amazing, caring, friendly guy. He also happens to be an incredible roleplayer and storyteller, and his character is Wayne's campaign is truly phenomenal. I envy how easy it is for Seth to get into and portray the wide arrange of emotions of a character. He also happens to be a great GM. I understand why Jelly would suggest him to run a campaign. What I didn't understand, at the time, were her motives. Wayne, Ava, Jelly, and Seth had all played in a previous campaign together, and Wayne and Jelly had become enamored by just how good Seth was. And even prior to that, Ava and Seth had a past campaign together. Jelly wanted to be a player in a Seth run campaign. And if Wayne was going to have a second campaign on the channel, she wanted it to be Seth's, and she wanted to be a player in it.
And so, immediately, any and all discussion about me running a campaign was ceased, and the legwork was put forth for Seth to run a campaign. Wayne would approach him about it, and he was interested. Seth would already have in mind the players that he wanted for it - two friends of his from outside the server, Ava, and another player from the Wayne campaign. Noticeably missing from that list - Jelly.
Strangely, Wayne would then tell Seth that if he was going to run a campaign on the channel, he would have to have an application process for the players, and open it up so that anyone could apply. After Seth had already stated he already had players in mind - players who already said yes. I don't know about you, but as a DM, I would never let someone dictate to me who I could have at my table. If I have players in mind already, it's because I have a reason. But Wayne demanded an application process be followed, and a second LFG post would appear in LFG for the Seth run campaign - that was noticeably advertising for 4 players. After Seth had chosen his players. The advertisement came with another well edited and narrated youtube promo that was, and still is, the highest viewed video on the channel. And all of it was a sham. Which I knew it was. And I confronted Wayne about it. It was then that I learned some unsavory backstory involving Ava and Jelly and the prior campaign. That is not my story to tell. I have shared my accounts of events with Ava, and she is considering posting an account from her perspective following this. The most I am willing to say on this is that involves situations that should never be okay at a DnD table, and that Wayne would gloss over and sugarcoat these situations as no big deal. It would lead to Ava not being comfortable with being at a table with Jelly which both I, and Seth, would understand.
Wayne, however, found this to be unfair and manipulative on Ava's part. Those past incidents should have had no bearing on Jelly's consideration for the Seth run campaign. Which is why he would demand an application process. He would then confide to me when I questioned the duplicity of the LFG advertisement that it wasn't completely misleading. There would still be someone chosen from the list of applicants - because he was going to make sure that Ava wasn't part of the campaign. After Seth had already told both Wayne and her that she was. After the players for that game had already come together for a session zero. He claimed that Ava had prior incidents of being difficult to work with, and that because he wasn't involved in the campaign, he couldn't be there to handle any situations that might arise of conflicts between players at the table. At the time I thought that was an odd statement to make - if you are trusting enough of another person, like Seth, to run a campaign on your channel shouldn't you be trusting enough in their ability to handle problems between players? Looking back now, I can only assume he made that statement because he was certain that Jelly would be a player at the table, and that problems might arise between Jelly and Ava. He asked that I keep the conversation between us. But that was something I could not do. None of that situation felt right to me. Wayne, Ava, and I had been friends playing games together for nearly a year now. I never saw any inclination of Ava being a "problem player" - she was great at the table, and a great person to hang out with. And I found it weird that Wayne would say those things about her, and not approach her about it. So of course I talked to her. For weeks she had been sharing her excitement of the new campaign with me, often with Wayne in the voice channel with us. Ava would then share with me her past experiences with Wayne and Jelly. Again, it is not my story to tell, but I am a good judge of character. I believed Ava's account of events. It made sense to me, with how Wayne and Jelly acted.
I wish I could say this story had a happy and/or satisfying conclusion. I'm not even really sure if there is a point to it, or even if it will be a good read. It has been clear for some time now that Wayne has been entirely obsessed with the growing of his Youtube channel, damn any and all bridges burned, and walking back some of his initial promises of what he claimed the campaign and the Youtube channel would be. It's also very clear to me that Wayne is someone who absolutely has to have control over everything, especially the narrative (fictional and real life).
There are so many minor grievances to air about Wayne that I haven't already touched on, and I feel like I've already taken up too much of your time already. Here's just a brief overview, I'd be more than happy to go into more details if you want them:

• Multiple players from the Wayne campaign confided in me about some of the problems they had with Wayne and how the game was being run. When Wayne found out, he blew his lid, and said that he was both Manager and HR, and no one should be complaining to anyone outside of the table. If they were going to complain to anyone, it should be him.
  
  • It turns out, Wayne has a prior history of being an asshole. Long before the Youtube channel, and the campaign, even before the previous campaign, he told his then group that they were playing the game wrong. He then found a new group, sang their praises to the old group, and then even brought both groups together to show the old group "the right way to play"
  • In addition to Wayne, he has two editors working for him. One of which he pays. The other one has had no compensation. The one not getting paid is doing the same work as both Wayne and the paid editor combined.
  • I mentioned way early on in the story that Ava was the Discord Administrator for the Discord server. After the Seth campaign incident, Wayne unceremoniously removed Ava as Administrator, told her it was "by mistake", and never put it back. As far as I can tell, there was nothing to warrant this other than control. I suspect it was because there were certain Seth campaign related channels or other channels he didn't want Ava to see.
  • The unceremonious removal of myself and Ava from the Youtube channel admin. Admittedly, we contributed very little to it, but it was removed without a word mentioned.
  • Recently making a post requiring his "talent" to purchase a minimum $5 dollar Patreon subscription. He has admitted to me the reasoning for this was to inflate Patreon subscriber numbers to entice new subscribers. He has since walked that back after much outcry from the "talent"
  • Asking Seth if it wouldn't be too much to convert his envisioned DnD campaign into a Daggerheart campaign, because Daggerheart is the new hotness, and will attract more viewers.

Ultimately, I suppose I feel disheartened and deceived. Deceived because I originally signed up for what I thought was going to be a bunch of friends sitting around and recording themselves playing quality DnD, and it has shifted so far from that original purpose. Wayne is obsessed over subscriber numbers and views, it's all he ever talks about. He claims that his goal is to reach a level of success to which all 10+ people involved will be able to achieve financial freedom (which he claims is roughly $2000 a month). I'm sure you've done the math, just like I have. Even if you believe $2k a month is financial freedom (I certainly don't), that comes out to $240,000 a year. That's an insane level of success to promise your players. Oh, I'm sorry, your "talent".
I feel disheartened because....there's actually good work being done here. Some of the players are some of the best I've ever played with. Wayne can actually be a good storyteller, when he's not pushing for likes or clicks. The editors do a really fantastic job. I have seen and listened to the work being done on the Seth campaign (luckily Wayne is only tangentially involved), and Seth's campaign is turning out to be something really special. There is something good being done here, but it seems so tainted by Wayne and his obsession for Youtube and Tiktok success. So, maybe this is an RPG Horror Story, maybe it's a cautionary tale. I dunno. I have committed to finishing out my run in the campaign, (I was brought back to the table multiple times because the players enjoy playing with me, and also I suspect I was involved in one of his highest viewed shorts), but my hearts not in it. I've told Wayne I've no interest in any of his future projects, and I wish him well on his Youtube journey. But in the pursuit of clicks, and likes, and subscribers, I feel like he has fundamentally lost what attracts people to actually watch and invest in TTRPG actual plays - authenticity.

Trigger Warning: SS exposing himself.
I need help. I have no control over my home whatsoever. I feel hopeless, sad and alone. I’m deeply depressed and falling apart. My SK’s (SD15, SS16, SS17) have been living with me and DH along with my Bio kids (BD17, BS18) for about a year. BM and SK’s moved out of state two years ago. Last year when we found out they were living in and out of hotels and my Autistic SS16 ran away, missing overnight for 12 hours, my husband decided it was best they lived with us because BM is too unstable/neglectful.
I’m sorry for complaining but I guess I need to vent and I need advice. My SK’s are messy, don’t wash their hands and don’t listen or adhere to the chore chart, which although frustrating, I can deal with I guess. The main issue is my SS16 is severely autistic and has never gotten the proper help he needed in life, which I also blame my DH for as well as BM. I feel like DH could’ve been more proactive in making sure he was receiving therapy throughout his life since BM doesn’t believe in medication & the medical system.
Since he has been with us, SS16 has broken so much in our home. He broke TWO couch’s (the one in our living room and downstairs in the family room) he has broken the bathroom sink, the stair railing, the toilet, has ripped light switch covers from the wall, somehow peeled the paint from the bathroom walls, broke our ice machine. Instead of sleeping in his bed he sleeps wherever he wants: the kitchen, the bathroom, the hallway. He rips garbage bags open looking for food even though he is well fed. I have tried disciplining him in a gentle way because he’s powerful but nothing works. Im mostly home with the kids, so I’m the one who has to deal with this the most. When DH is home, he seems like he doesn’t care.
What troubles me the most is my Autistic SS16 uncontrollable hormones, he whips his private part out….ALOT. In the kitchen, while watching TV, he exposes and touches himself, and it’s extremely disturbing for me. Plus I’m a s*xual assault survivor and it’s extremely triggering to me. Last time he exposed himself, I had a panick attack and had to leave for air. It’s just too much.
On top of everything, my husbands ex is STILL receiving child support and my autistic SS16 social security income and refuses to send any money to help with the kids. She claims she needs THEIR money to get back on her feet, even though her own sister called DH and exposed BM for living in a nice two bedroom apartment with her boyfriend, she’s not struggling at all and even if she was, that money doesn’t belong to her. It’s for the kids and they’re up here with us so why does she think it’s okay for her to still be receiving child support & benefits that belong to them? BM has not even attempted to visit the kids at all since they’ve been with us. It took DH an entire year for him to get the ball rolling on getting custody so the child support and benefits can stop going to her, which is an ongoing battle, she is still getting all of the kids resources and financial help that belongs to them. It’s unfair and makes my blood boil.
So my question is…should I give up? Not on life but should I just stop caring and just let go and let things be? I am losing myself, I’m the biggest I’ve ever been (my fault for stress eating) I have Fibromyalgia and stress triggers so much of my pain and I’m just tired of trying. I’m neglecting myself by fighting to keep my home in order but it’s just impossible at this point. I love my husband & don’t want to leave him, I love my SK’s too even though I don’t feel the love from them at times, but I’m broken.
If anyone has any words of encouragement or advice I will greatly appreciate it.
Thank you to anyone who reads this. I’m sorry it was so long.

My soon to be ex-boyfriend (25m) has been on a “I must submit to him” kick for the past few months. We have been dating for 2 years and this controlling side was not present in the beginning. He constantly tells me (29f) that I must submit to him, always agree with him, and never express my disagreement to him or his decisions, and that I must always obey his wants and needs. For example, he got home from work the other day, I made him a cup of hot tea, made the bed comfy for him, rubbed his back, then I suggested to put a movie on for us. During the movie, I asked him if he could put his hand on my shoulder because I was cold. He got triggered and told me “don’t ever tell me what to do”. On a separate occasion, the very next day actually, I had sent him a text message that required a response. He didn’t reply so I called him. When I called him, I said “hi, I sent you a message can you check it and reply to me”, before he could answer me back, I had hung up the phone already. Immediately after, I received a text from him saying I am “masculine” and “not submissive” for hanging up the phone. He proceeded to make a comment stating “I can’t believe I have to explain this concept to you. A 10 year old would understand”. The most confusing part of this all, is that he is demanding me to submit , yet I am still paying half of all his bills. Additionally, he doesn’t have a car and uses mine. He does not donate a PENNY to help pay for the insurance , the car payment, and doesn’t care about getting my vehicle cleaned for me, or taking it to get an oil change ever, etc. I have been the one who has been taking care of that. I went alone to get my oil changed, I went alone to a tire shop to get a new tire when I got a flat on the road. It seems unfair that he is demanding me to submit, yet still makes me pay half the bills, doesn’t help with the car that he uses , and then has me doing manly things like getting a tire changed by myself ! Not to mention, I’m always the one taking out the garbage , too! Also, I do NOT fall short on other duties as well such as cooking , cleaning , decorating, etc. I am conflicted because when I met this guy, I thought he was the one. Now I am seeing a very dark and controlling side of him. But wait, is this even controlling ? Should I obey and be more submissive ? I would love to close my eyes and let the man in my life lead , but I had to tell his guy how to write out a check , I had to go car shopping alone because he was too afraid that we couldn’t afford a car and just wanted to keep using my mom’s car, I am the one who went apartment searching for us and put down the deposits , so how can I possibly trust him to lead if I am the sole person always making and handling the big decisions… Are all men like this ? Am I the only one who thinks he is in the wrong ? He swears he is right and never takes accountability for his wrong doings. If I were to tell him that, his response would without a doubt be, “what wrong doings”? And proceed to tell me that I “always complain.” Am I complaining ?
TL;DR;: Is it normal in a relationship for your partner to order you to be submissive and agreeable ?

Continuing my series where I write about one episode for each season.
Season #1: "5 Votes Down" Season #2: "Somebody's Going to Emergency.." Season #3: "Dead Irish Writers" Season #4: "The Red Mass"
It's everybody's favorite Season #5 episode!
Continuing from the previous episode "Eppur Si Muove," Owen Brady, a conservative Supreme Court Justice has died. POTUS has to appoint a moderate to get him past the Republican Senate...or does he? With a little help from Ryan, Glenlivet, and Donna's cats, the impossible happens. Also, Toby and his Ex argue about a CODEL to Gaza (and Toby's parental involvement ) and C.J. sends an email to Ben.

1. One of the great things about Sorkin was his ability to write an episode with 3,4, or 5 plots. They were usually united by a common theme and would always have a more light-hearted story to balance the more serious ones. The post-Sorkin years generally focused on one main story. You generally had multiple plots, but there was always one dominate one. "The Supremes" is an example of this. The Supreme Court storyline takes up about 90% of the runtime.
   
2. I think one of the reasons this episode is so popular is that it harkens back to the Sorkin years with the message that the government can get things done, but it requires compromise. That was a reoccurring theme in the early seasons, but it was totally dropped by the end. Santos never compromised, but always benefitted from it politically. It was almost childlike how they portrayed him as both "standing up for what he believes in" and "winning in the end." The Sorkin years were much more nuanced.
   
3. While Sorkin was the superior writer, the post-Sorkin scribes wrote better "adversaries." Chris Mulready, Rafe Framhagen, Ray Sullivan and Arnold Vinek were all "opposed" to our heros, but were well-written, three-dimensional characters. Even Jeff Haffely was portrayed as shrewd. Most of Sorkins adversaries were morons with no real principles.
   
4. The conversation between Toby and Andrea sets up the "Mideast" storyline that ends the season and makes me wonder where the "jump" happens. You know, the missing time period that covers the Bartlet 2nd-term midterms. It has to occur in the 5th season, but I am not sure where. Any thoughts?
   
5. There is an interesting character development for Bartlet in this episode. In the Pilot, Leo tells Al Caldwell that, while Bartlet personally opposes abortion, he doesn't think the government has a right to restrict it. In this episode, Bartlet compares abortion to a tonsillectomy. Now, since I am pretty sure Bartlet doesn't personally opposed tonsillectomies, it either means that Leo lied to Caldwell (about Bartlet's views,) Bartlet lied to Leo (about his own views), or Bartlet had an evolution and doesn't personally oppose abortion anymore. I would imagine it is the first option. Bartlet wants Caldwell's support so he affects a diferent position.
   

Thanks for reading my thoughts. What do you think of "The Supremes?"

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I was having terrible anxiety today and texting my friend. I said omg I want to text him 😭 like I could make things better. And my friend responded: Don't text him, Don't do anything Let things flow naturally. Don't attempt to interfere or manipulate anything to become your bidding.
And it's like something inside me went from problem to solution.
I have always had a low self-esteem and until I get THAT up, I know I will never be a very happy, fun friend, partner or human. Nobody could be enough for me if I hold THEM in esteem and feel like I'm a Pos!. I think this is the root of my limerence and many issues probably. I don't feel good enough for the LO but I admire them and want to be good enough. Because I think I'm unworthy, I disappoint them with my behavior, shame makes me try harder, to cover the shame. Sometimes my charm works but inevitably the fear rears its head, I act a fool, or do something that could be normal but it isn't because I'm needing something from them.
I gotta work on this. I am happy to remember that the problem is solvable. It just takes time.
Im curious what youe self esteem is like? If you have built a good self esteem, how? My LOs have had self esteem for sure. I think it's what draws me to them. I'd HAVE to love myself to be with THEM... but then I Dont do the self-love work. Well. I'm not giving up on this.

I am an international student living in Australia. Due to a very high cost of living in Sydney, my boyfriend and his family asked me to live with them till I find suitable job and living arrangement here, at least for one semester. Yesterday evening as I returned home and just sat down, his father asked me suddenly what my intention were with his son and why I am making a fool out of them. I was completely taken aback, specially when I left everything was fine and they were the ones who asked me to move in. My boyfriend was out of city as his works requires him to stay away for several days, so I had no clue what got into his dad. He does have anger issues, so I stayed quiet to let him finish. He told me if I love his son I should marry him next month itself or I should leave him forever. I dialled my boyfriend’s number so he could hear the conversation, and politely told his dad we can discuss this when the son is back, and my mother (my only family member) should be part of the ceremony. He started using foul words for my mother, when I drew the line and just got up from my seat and took out my glasses. He also got up and god knows why started to slap me. To protect myself, I pushed his face away and he overpowered me, hitting me with all his strength, punching me, till I bled from my mouth. I asked him to please stop as I was bleeding, he didn’t and continued the assault. I thought he will kill me and i was shivering in fear, so I folded my hands and apologised for everything, even though I really did nothing at all to deserve this. I said okay I will leave your son and your house right now, forgive me for everything and received more hits. He didn’t hold back and I really thought I will be killed. That’s when his wife (boyfriend’s mum) came back and held him(she is disabled and can’t do anything other than agree with her husband on everything). I then ran to my room and bolted the door, called a friend of mine to take me away and kept my bf informed. I somehow managed to escape, specially when the man didn’t allow my friends to come in and “allow me to leave his house”.
I am at a friends place, bruised up everywhere, shaken up, in a foreign country. I know I didn’t pay him anything as rent but I don’t think that could have been the reason for the assault, since he never accepted any money from me. I want to press charges against him, but I am afraid of the complications. I am a straight up HD student, my boyfriend is a wonderful guy who loves me and I don’t want him to bear any consequences. But I want the father should surely be held accountable.
Sorry for the lengthy post. What aremy options to press charges against him? I did click pictures yesterday with all the bloodied face

So I actually watched the first 4 episodes when they dropped, but I was very underwhelmed and decided not to post anything as I didn’t want to be negative. I didn’t dislike it, but I was definitely disappointed because I had very high expectations after all the press, the promo and what was being said by the cast and the crew. However, since then I rewatched the 4 episodes and I definitely like it more now after rewatching with no high expectations.
The things I had issues with:

• Pacing. I thought the pacing was all over the place. The episodes felt slow while the main romantic storyline felt rushed. We would have a fast paced scene and then a scene that seemed to drag would follow it. I feel like that happened a lot during these 4 episodes. I also think that splitting the season was a huge mistake as just when the show was starting to gain some momentum there was nothing else left for me to watch and based on the LW conflict and the side storylines they will cram a lot in the second half.
• Colin. I don’t understand why they decided to go down this route with the character. I haven’t read his book so I’m not sure how accurate it is, but I feel like in a romance show you don’t wanna find your male lead cringe and creepy and I’m sorry, but in the first 2 episodes he was borderline creepy. I know what they were trying to do, but it did not work for me at all. I feel like they could have shown him putting up a facade for the ton in different ways that don’t make him look so bad. I think the threesomes were absolutely unnecessary, but that seems to be a popular opinion. I just don’t get why we couldn’t just have the same Colin from the previous seasons with a bit more charm and oomph. He seems to be dropping the rake act now and hopefully in part 2 we can have the old Colin back somewhat.
• Penelope. Sort of. I kinda have mixed feelings about her character this season, but I did like her more than Colin. Why did we need to see her humiliated so many times? I just wish they stopped doing that. I’m sure we’re going to see her suffering enough when Colin finds out about LW, we don’t need to see her going through so many humiliations. Seeing her beg Colin to kiss her was painful. Also what was that balloon scene? Just move to the side lol.
• Benedict. I’d like to know what the point of this character is at this point besides fucking a different woman every season and looking happy in the background. I know he has a lot of fans, but I don’t get it. He is just so ‘there’ and that’s about it. I found his storyline the weakest and I’m not sure how it’s going to pay off and what the point of this is again. It feels like the script for Benedict is a copy+paste of s1 every season now. The woman he’s fucking this season is also just so meh. They also have absolutely no chemistry so that also doesn’t help. Their dance was very odd, her trying to be so badass or whatever that was supposed to be just came off as awkward and cringe to me. I don’t get the purpose of this storyline and honestly I’m not even curious to see what happens with them in part 2. Luke Thompson is completely wasted in this role.
• The Mondriches. This storyline was actually intriguing to me before the season premiered as I thought they’d be more involved with the main storyline with the other main characters, but that hasn’t really been the case so I’m wondering how this is going to pay off. I feel like every time we cut to them the pacing starts to drag and their storyline just doesn’t really flow with the show. But tbh I preferred seeing them over Benedict so there’s that. I feel like there has to be a purpose to this storyline and that there might be something more interesting happening with them in Part 2.
• Cressida. Meh. I don’t get why we need to have Cressida be some poor little mean girl who’s hiding some deep pain. Sometimes a bitch is just a bitch and that’s fine. Another storyline that I just didn’t really care for.
• Polin. Sort of. I feel like we needed more time with them. It feels like they barely had any scenes together this season. I know we’ve known them for the past 2 seasons, but we needed to see more than Colin falling in love after a kiss. That just felt so rushed to me. I wanted to see more of them interacting instead of Colin just staring at her and Lord Debling. Their first kiss was also incredibly disappointing. Not the kiss itself, I found it lovely actually, but Penelope begging him to kiss her was soooo not for me. I hated that. I don’t understand why we need to see Penelope humiliated so many times. I feel like the pacing of their romance could have benefited from a few more scenes of them together before the end of Part 1. But nope, I guess we needed to see Benedict fuck instead.
• The Queen. I’m actually struggling to even remember what she was doing this season. Forgettable storyline and also repetitive. I wish they figured out a different way to include QC in the story. I loved the QC spinoff and coming back to this version of her is just kind of disappointing.

A thing I'm unsure about for now:

• Violet and Lady Danbury. I’m not sure how I feel about this yet. I haven’t made up my mind about this storyline yet because I feel like I haven’t seen enough about it. It could end up in either direction depending on how they chose to develop this storyline. I just hope they don’t end up having a rift because of this brother business. I’m very much down with Violent finding someone though.

Now finally onto the positive stuff:

• Polin. Sort of. So I have mixed feelings about their romance. As I said, I had issues with not having enough scenes of them together. However, I did like most of what we actually got. The carriage scene was 10/10. I loved it lol, it was hot. Can’t believe Bridgerton is making me like a Pitbull song when I’m definitely not a Pitbull enjoyer to say the least. I also really liked Colin’s dream, I loved that it was his dream and not hers like it was probably expected. I also really liked their first kiss, it was lovely, I just wish it didn’t happen cause she was begging him for it. Other than that, it was probably my favourite first kiss on the show. I liked that we got to hear about them meeting as kids even though we didn’t see it. And yeah, I just wish we had more of them together interacting to make Colin falling for her feel less rushed.
• Penelope. Sort of. I actually kind of like that she’s petty and dissing Colin in her column lol, but I’m gonna need to see that conflict have a proper resolution in Part 2. I hope they do the LW storyline justice and they don’t rush it like they’ve done in the past in both previous seasons. I loved her new hair, clothes and she looked great. It was nice finally seeing her want to get away from her family and taking matters into her own hands. Her scenes with Lord Debling were fine, but since I know Colin is her endgame I didn’t really care much about him.
• Eloise. I liked Eloise so far. I was a bit annoyed by her last season, but so far I’m enjoying what they are doing with her. I liked that she kept Pen’s secret and that she obviously misses her and still tries to help her and save her from Cressida’s antics. She also seems to be reflecting on her friendship with Penelope and she’s realising that she hasn’t really seen her properly before and yeah I just like what they are doing with them despite the Cressida element this season. She’s also toned down her complaining and has learned to adapt without being unnecessarily rude while also being the same person as before. I liked that development.
• Francesca. I enjoyed Francesca’s storyline this season and I loved seeing her meet John. They were super cute. I have actually read her book and it’s my favourite among the ones I’ve read so this is extra special for me. I did think that we got a bit too many suitors and that I was starting to get bored of that, but then John showed up and I forgot all about it lol.
• The Featheringtons. I know that this might be an unpopular opinion, but I love them lol. Especially Portia. I just love the actress and think she’s great. Her lines are just so much fun and yeah I love this character. She’s not a good mother and person tbh, but I can’t help but find her incredibly entertaining. Her faces, her lines and yeah I just love her scenes. The daughters were great this season as well together with their goofy husbands. The 'inserts himself?' scene was one of the funniest scenes so far on the show for me. I know this is an unpopular opinion, but also enjoyed their plot last season even though I do think the one from this season is a lot more fun.
• Kanthony. I loved seeing them pop up for an episode. Them being all lovey dovey was nice, but I wish we had more interactions between Kate and the Bridgertons, but we’ll be seeing more of them in Part 2 so I’m hoping we’re getting that then.

So these are my thoughts and even though I was disappointed I did enjoy the season overall even if it seems like I have many complaints, it’s still Bridgerton and I just love the show. I feel like my thoughts would be much different with a full picture of the season and not just 4 episodes. I am sure that after Part 2 my feelings about it will be a lot more positive since the storylines will all pay off hopefully. I’m also hoping that they don’t do this split release in the future as I genuinely think it hindered my enjoyment of the season.

Just as the title says. I want to start off with some background information. I (F20) and my bf (M22) have been together for a little under 2 years. We’ve moved in together, met at college, everything started off great. • Now, why do I want to leave him? I think it’s an accumulation of things, really. At first when I thought about leaving him, I never had the courage because I never wanted to see him with another girl, I wanted to marry him, yk that typical love stuff. But as time went on, he began to abuse the life out of me. He would yell at me, call me names, if I started crying he’d tell me to grow up and that his ex was stronger and better than me. • I don’t know why I stayed. I always wish I left him early on before we signed a lease together. But what really kicked it off that he will never change is the way he treated me on our move in day. I was puking. For the very first time in our relationship. I was sick. He had no empathy for me, all he could tell me was to fuck off and that I was being useless and looked like shit. I tried to say I love you, but alas, the only response I’d get was a simple ‘idgaf’. I think this showed me the person he was. It really opened my eyes that this love was conditional. I fell out of love with him instantly. • Alas, I still live with him and sleep in the same bed. He knows I want to break up with him but he won’t really make it easy. So here I am, still sleeping with him, no love for him. He’s not the sweet boy I used to know and love. He will never change. I don’t know how I can leave him. He knows I want to but he’s still convinced I love him. Do I remain still till the end of our lease (1year)? What should I do??

dear a,
today i saw you. i hate that you're still so attractive to me. i hate that my heart still races when i see you. i wonder if you saw me and felt guilty. i hope you did. i hope it came into your mind that you said we could talk and you never followed through. and i hate that i can't just go up to you like before. i hate that i have to watch you be happy without me. i hate that i still miss you despite this. i hate that in a year or shorter, i'll never see you again.
i talked to a friend about our break up today and she said it's likely that you just didn't love me enough to change and it hurts so much. how could you call me a blessing and do this to me? how could you take all my firsts and then treat me so coldly? how could you sleep skin to skin with me and throw me away like this? she said when we first started dating, that was the happiest she had ever seen me. and i felt it. life was looking up. i was finally content with what i had.
i know realistically one day you'll meet a girl that you love enough to change for. but i hope that day never comes. i don't believe in karma but just this once, i hope it gets you. you used to make me feel safe and now you make me feel unlovable, like i'm not worth fighting for. i kept making excuses for you after the relationship ended while you were probably telling your friends we just didn't work out. while i was willing to face my traumas and anxieties for you, you were thinking of taking the easy way out until you did. i had been burned again and again but i was willing to trust you. for once, i wanted to be optimistic. i wanted to believe that someone loved me enough. i wanted to show you love. i wanted you to feel loved.
i wish i never met you. i wish you never showed me what i looked and sounded like when i was happy. i wish you never showed me what it felt like to be loved. i wish you never loved me and maybe you never did. you're moving on so fast, i can't help but wonder if any of it was real. i hate your ex for what she did to you. if i could talk to her now and give her a piece of my mind, you know i'd let her have it. but then again, if you didn't love me enough to change, then she's not at fault. yet, i care about you. i wish she never did that to you.
i'm grateful for all you've done for me but i wish i never met you and i hope i never love again.
with love,
f

Episode 1: Oh god no, my marijuana patch! (Farmer)
Episode 2:We here at team four star do not condone child violence. We do however find it hilarious.(Kaiser)
Episode 3: Mahogany! (King Yemma)
Episode 4: Alright Maggots listen up! Popo's 'bout to teach you the pecking order. It goes you, the dirt, the worms inside of the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami, then Popo. (Popo)
Episode 5: DODGE! (Piccolo)
Episode 6: I’ll tell you where they’re not, safe! (Popo)
Episode 7: I’m not a Pokémon! I’m Chiaotzu! CHIAOTZU! (Chiaotzu)
Episode 8: “Vegeta! I can fly” (Nappa)
Episode 9: "9 minutes and 18 seconds" (Vegeta)
Episode 10: “What’s the opposite of Christopher Walken? CHRISTOPHER REEVES!" (Vegeta)
Episode 11: “Yep, this baby gets 10,000 miles to the soul.” (Popo)
Episode 12: "No! What are you:stupid? We are doctors, scientists! Now inject this man with some SCIENCE! Delicious, magical SCIENCE!" (Some Freeza Grunt)
Episode 13: "Could you speak up? I'm not wearing any pants" (Roshi)
Episode 14: "QUACK!" (The Space-Duck)
Episode 15: "Muffin Button" (Goku)
Episode 16: Face down with another man beating your ass. Is it Wednesday already, Zarbon? (Vegeta)
Episode 17: I'm coming Zarbon! Quick, grab my balls!
Episode 18: " I don't know. Maybe you could've bitched at him, how 'bout that? That's all you appear to be good for these days. Huh? Used your bitch-fu on him? Bulma the mistress of bitching, that's what they should call you. Seriously, five ancient sages of bitchdom all gathered together one day on the peaks of Mount Bitch to proclaim your birth. And a hundred years later, when all the bitch stars had aligned, you were born and made everybody's life around you a living hell because you are such a bitch!" (Krillin)
Episode 19: "Son of a gum-chewing funk-monster! Why the fruit does all this funny stuff happen to me?! Forget my life! Always surrounded by miserable failing clods! Like this whole world just likes to *bend* me over and FIND ME IN THE ALPS! Like I'm some sort of shlock receptacle! Well as far as I care, these miserable cows can have a fancy barbecue with a goddamn pig!!" (Vegeta)
Episode 20: "BECAUSE THE NAME'S RECCOOME! IT RHYMES WITH DOOM! AND YOU'RRRRRE GONNA BE HURTING ALL TOO SOON!!! (Reccoome)
Episode 21: I can't believe we came all the way out here and spent a week in the Space Boonies for nothing! Seriously, I'm surprised we didn't hear banjos on the way, because everyone is inbred and LOOKS THE F***ING SAME! Not to mention I lost Dodoria and Zarbon, the latter of whom spent 400 credits making long-distance calls to his girlfriend, WHO I AM CONVINCED IS NAMED CHUCK! (Freeza)
Episode 22: Did you tell him to work the shaft? (Super Kami Guru)
Episode 23: This is easily the 2nd worse hole I’ve ever had in my chest. It’s gonna take like, a million mommy kisses to make it better. (Goku).
Episode 24: "Oh ho ho ho no, don't mind me. By all means, g̶̢͘í̸͖̈̕͝v̶̢̹͠ͅe̸̮͆̋̽ ̷͙͔͙̲̏͛ḿ̸̨̲̦̤͒͑ẹ̴̜͚̰̉̂ ̵̩͈͍̯̠́͂s̷̝͓͍̑o̷̢̲͙̅̍̐̔͠m̷͔̂e̸̪͊̂̐̕͠ͅ ̵̛̱̣̣̱̎̅i̶̍̒͂ͅd̶̡̲̟̔̉̏ȩ̸̙̭̺̑̊̃͠ä̸̧̱́̅s̴̙͚̯̯̩̾." (Freeza)
Episode 25: "Oh good. I'll stop by there on the way home. Pick up some space eggs, some space milk, and BLOW IT THE F*** UP! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm usually far more composed. I'm just a little bit A B S O L U T E L Y L I V I D." (Freeza)
Episode 26: “That’s right, I’m your White Mage, & Nobody fucks with the White Mage” (Little Green)
Episode 27: " Imma deck ya in the schnozz!" (Goku)
Episode 28: “Good Lord I traded Vegeta for this” (Freeza)
Episode 29: Oh, come now. If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then let God strike me down where I stand. *lightning zaps* HA! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game! (Freeza),
Episode 30: “I am the hope of the omniverse! I am the light bulb in the darkness! I am the bacon in the fridge for all the living things that cry out in hunger! I am the Alpha and the Amiga! I am the terror that flaps in the night! (starts powering up) I am Son Gokū! and I am a Super (Death beam to forehead) Saiyan” (Goku)
Episode 31: "Why aren't you upstairs sleeping with your girlfriend like everyone else?" (Turtle)
Episode 32: "Gohan when you've had a man inside of you; you know when he's coming." (Krillin)
Episode 33: "Oh a momma's boy huh? I'll be your mommy" (Bulma)

Recently I had the worst doctor visit of my life. I was medically gaslight, lied too, told my past condition didn’t exist and more. I was having alloottttt of irregular 🐱 bleeding. Less than a week before, I was seen in urgent care they ran a ton of tests but could only do pelvic exams/ DNA testing. I continued to bleed (also at the time having terrible GI issues so pain is hard to pinpoint) and with my POTS ended up fainting.
Because of this I went to the ER and it was the worst visit of my life. From the beginning he was so mean to me, I don’t even know why. Now I’ve had a lot of doctor appointments and neither his nurse or himself asked if his student was allowed to be in the room/help/anything of the sort. He wanted to re run some tests including a pelvic exam. I told him I would run other tests but not the pelvic since it was ran less than a week ago and I have PTSD, and that’s a trigger. He said that’s fine and I didn’t have too.
After a whole bunch more treating me like sht and not addressing the problem at hand (the bleeding) he kept trying to focus on my POTS (which had only been exasperated because of the bleeding). I ended up recording the conversation a minute or so in because he was being so mean. I live in IA (one party consent) but he also said he knew I was recording when I told him. Later on after knowing I was consenting to every test but the pelvic he told me I would not be discharged if it wasn’t completed. He did not tell me I could sign an AMA just for the pelvic exam. I was told I couldn’t get a new doctor because one wasn’t in but would be in at 10. When 10 came around I still didn’t get a new doctor, I could not get a second opinion(???) , and was full blown in a PTSD attack walking out the door.
*I made a complaint to the hospital, which today, I found out literally just had a talk with him (not even like as he did something wrong more like checking boxes) so I started to look more into the HIPPA laws. They are confusing to me, I won’t lie, but I thought it was seeming since an unauthorized student had access to my mental health record, lab results (including STD testing), and general file it was a violation. It was found a couple days later multiple cysts in my ovaries were found. * A pelvic exam would’ve never showed that and he just wanted to discharge me after a pelvic exam….
I do have on recording also him saying I did not have to do pelvic exam and then saying I must to be discharged. Throughout the 3 hours I continued to tell the doc/nurse that I was having really bad PTSD and also said it was getting worse throughout the time (because of past miscarriage issues/ childhood issues…). They kept pushing me until I had a complete PTSD attack walking out of the hospital. Could this be negligence? vv
“However, once a doctor voluntarily decides to assist others or comes to their aid, the doctor becomes liable for any injury that results from negligence during that assistance.”
Obviously it’s not a physical injury but😩 that seriously made me scared to live the rest of my life as a chronically ill person or get help. I just hate this so much because I will never forget that appointment, I will never forget him treating me like that as I’m being so vulnerable and respectful. As my mental health workers could vouch, it set me back in my progress by a lot and even farther back on my crippling doctor anxiety.
I just feel I have him on recording being so mean, saying one thing and then another, telling me the doc comes in at 10 but never turning over my case or get a second opinion on if I needed a pelvic exam to be released, not telling me I could sign an AMA only for the pelvic exam, telling me the condition that made me loose my baby wasn’t real (was literally diagnosed), just so much. If there’s legally nothing wrong here, including HIPPA, could I just post the videos? I was never told I must delete or not to post. I’m just so sick of this, I don’t want this to be the rest of my life and I don’t want to continue to get traumatized by men having a power trip.

I only started playing around a month ago, been running only with the free characters (tutorial warp Asta is my only “gacha” character) and was fortunate enough to receive Dr. Ratio in my mailbox
He’s been a absolute joy to have around, I didn’t expect to love his quirkiness and how he constantly sounds fed up with everyone (me included)
“Zero Points, next!” “Minus (Points), get out!”
IMO the best part about him is that it’s hard to get tired of listening to his voicelines over and over again, I mostly play on x1 speed just to hear him school enemies
I can’t imagine a world where my only DPS is Dan Heng (i can’t even poke “the sanctuary of butter vision” because I’m on JP dub), I’m so tired of hearing his and my usual farmers Serval and Herta’s ultimate lines I can recite them off the top of my head
May his deadly chalk continue to slay more enemies in Luofu (and Penacony when I finally make it there) 🙏

first i wanna start by saying it helps so much to read what everyone is posting on here and showing me it’s not just me feeling certain ways. anyways, my dad wasn’t the healthiest but he wasn’t unhealthy either. so it was weird to wake up to my mom saying he couldn’t get up off the ground as i was seconds away from falling asleep. we couldn’t carry him so we called an ambulance and they took him to the ER. i really thought he would be there a day then come home. his heart stopped for around 7 ish minutes right after me and my mom got there. they somehow brought him back and he was put into the ICU. as you can assume 70% of his organs were failed and he was hooked up to so much. after a few days and his brothers flew out to us, we had to make the hardest decision that it was best to let him go and stop the suffering. this was the 4th of may. crazy how everything is normal then 2 weeks later it’s not. the death affected me as the days went by and it feels that it’s getting harder everyday instead of better. i worked at a pizza place (and really liked it) but knew i had to quit after 2 weeks. i know a bunch of people wish they could quit after something like that, and im lucky my job was just a “teenager” type job. as i feel the weirdest feeling in my body everyday (pain but not physical pain) i know my friends wont understand what im saying. 10 days after my dads death our childhood pet realized he wasn’t coming home and i went to go see her and found her limp in her bed. she sadly passed away from a few different things. after that on top of everything i can’t eat or sleep. i already had issues with alcohol and it’s obviously gotten worse. as summers coming back i feel sick looking at the sun and leaves on the trees even tho i loved it before. i feel jealousy seeing my friends going on with their life as normal. my best friend cussed out her mom in front of me on the phone the other day and it filled me with rage. as i am only 18 me and my dad had a good relationship for the most part but there were still things i never apologized for and it hurts knowing i can’t. i don’t know how to get out of bed that often, and constantly worry about my mom. a house that used to be filled with color has gone completely grey for me.

I’m a stay at home mom of two baby boys. Married 3 years & dated 6 months prior to marriage & got pregnant a couple of months before getting married.
I’m going to get shit for all my bad decision-making here.
I prayed (out loud) for a man that would meet all this criteria and one month later met my husband. He met all the criteria of my prayer so no matter what bad things happened, I thought God had this purposed for me. I mean like a checklist of 10-20 items all checked off. I was vedy devout in my faith. But, now looking back I feel like maybe it wasn’t God who answered my prayer. Maybe this was like a time in the book of Job where God let Satan attack Job and take everything away from him. I don’t know. Oddly enough, the man that became my husband said he prayed for this, too, one month prior.
He love-bombed me. He devalued me. Later, he threatened to leave me (but never has). While we were dating, when I was pregnant, when we were engaged. He called escorts behind my back. I find out he had sexual relations with a woman in his apartment complex one week before we started dating - he told me three years into our marriage. Before we dated, he also had a two year affair with a married woman (whose husband to this day has no idea about it.) He was meeting her and texting her behind my back 2 weeks into us being officially dating exclusively. I find out because he got arrested and I went to pick up his things on his person at the jail. I guess his passcode in one try and there I see the truth. He lied about this woman - he said she was a best friend with no I love yous and no sexual relations. He even asked me if it was okay to be friends with her and I asked him those two questions. He lied and the proof was right there. We were fairly new so I didn’t read too many texts. I spent one hour on his phone at most and handling a panic attack in between.
I read where he texted escorts, too, and read two other relationships he had while seeing this married woman. My mind was blown. I was done. I screenshoted some evidence for my personal keepsake. I texted the married woman because their I love you was so recent. I told her what happened and said to go get him out of jail because I was done. She blew up my phone with texts. She wanted to know who I was and she wanted to share all the creepy details about this man. She claimed they only had sex twice and it was rape - bullshit. She also said a lot of other things like she knew when he bought me a coffee and knew when he went to the city to meet his friends. She said he said that they could still have sex while he was seeing me. He denied it and said it was the other way around.
When he got out of jail, he contacted me and sent me a video. She texted me to show me he sent her a video, too. Same shirt, same scenery and all filmed back after back. He told her how much he cared about her but he was letting her go. He came to meet me because I took his dog to care after her while he was in jail. He talked me into giving him one more chance. I moved into his apartment to get away from a situation at home. I fell for him hard and believed I was in love. We texted and talked all the time and when we were able, we were together. I went on a trip for a week withoht him to California. I got back and the sheets were washed. He said he did that for me so I can come home to clean sheets. Later over the course of our relationship I noticed he never much stepped up to do the laundry. A lot of chores started falling on me. Before even being married he expected me to coean his whole apartment which seemed to have never been touched once with any cleaning.
We were fighting a lot and I saw some of his anger but I thought he was just frustrated with things he was dealing with in his life. He got sort of pushy with me having intercourse with him at times I told him I didn’t want to because I wanted to wait. That made him angry. I find out that he had been FaceTiming escorts from the first weeks we started dating and found at least one call every month up to the week we were suppose to get married. I was shocked! I had no idea and I couldn’t believe it. We had intercourse so much that he wouldn’t need that so I thought. He said it was like porn to him and he had that habit from before he met me. Keep in mind, I’m religious so I was abstinent most of my life and these red flags weren’t so obvious to me. I thought most men were dogs like this. The biggest factor that blew my mind (of which he explained away) was that these escorts weren’t typical - they were transgender women and some still had their boy parts. After talking with someone who I thought was like a mom to me(I find oht later she wasn’t for me), I went through with the wedding, and besides, I was having his baby.
We moved states. I noticed a lot of verbal abuse starting from typically the night time as we shared a bed. He would cuss at me a lot and get so angry. It was almost every night. I was surprised - thinking who is this guy. He made me cry a lot. It was so stupid, I got screamed at just for rolling over in my sleep. He explained this away later after the problem got better. I began feeling like I made a mistake in marrying him. I was so scared at the same time because this was my first pregnancy. I feared so much about the “what ifs” and what world this baby was coming into.
The abuse got worse. It got physcial from time-to-time. He says I was abusive back but I feel like it was reactive abuse because it became too much for me. I would hit him back. It ate at my mind every day and I had all these hormones because I was going to have a baby soon. When pregnant, he has pushed me, held me down, jumped on me with his hands around my neck. He said things that were horrible like he would walk away from this son like he did his first son (he had a son from an earlier relationship which he had nothing to do with). Fear overcame me and some days I thought ending my life was the only way to escape my life and prevent a nightmare for my son. (These feelings relented later in time.)
One time he held up furniture above his head and he was ready to throw it at my head - I believe this was right after our son was born. We argued a lot because my mistrust in him because what I mentioned I discovered earlier. I wanted him to assure me he was trustworthy so sometimes I asked for his phone. Doing that resulted many times in violence and rage. When he had that furniture held up, I felt like he was going to end me right then and there. He stopped himself and I asked him why. He said because he saw the fear in my eyes.
We fought and made up A LOT. That was our relationship and me asking him where he has been or was he with someone. It was terrible for both of us. I discover later that he lied about a lot of things. I didn’t even know he didn’t have a drivers license until about 1-2 years into our marriage. I didn’t know the pictures of his boy parts I found once while dating were to the escorts. I asked him approximately a thousand times. He doesn’t just lie - he tells a story with details and the whole thing is a lie.
I use to check his phone and browser history because it was never ending place of discovery. I never got confessions out of him but I did get evidence that he thought he hid. He must have gotten better at hiding things because I would find less and less. I got to a point where I don’t check anymore - I know and it’s a damn headache to live like that. All the time he did these things, he swore his love for me. He said I was everything.
I discovered again a lie the first time he went to Miami last year (his first time away from me.) He took advantage and called at least ten eacorts and almost met up with one (or did. I don’t know. There’s no money spent but he lied and said the last escort called was his co-worker. I may never know what happened but his coworkers got weird around me after that trip. They won’t look me in the eye.) I didn’t know all this until December last year where I asked him for his T-Mobile password. He didn’t think I would find this when giving me the password.
I saw a text after that trip and found out he lied. He was awake at 2:00PM after he told me he went to bed on the phone. He told me how he missed me SOOO much. He said he tried putting his arm around me in bed to realize I was not there. We FOUGHT over the phone. He didn’t want me to see the rest of the texts between him and his coworker. He left bruises on my arms pushing and shoving me with all his strength. He overpowered me and I never saw the messages. He said he was hiding the fact ge did cocaine. I lost control because I pulled a knife out at him. Not to hurt him but to intimidate him. (I never lost it like this again -he ALWAYS uses this against me to say I’m the abusive one.)
December he admitted the elaborate cocaine story he gave me was a LIE. He said he did do cocaine but not how he told me. The real thing he was hiding was the escorts. At that time, I find out he kissed a coworker (maybe more but nobody will tell me anything.) Another girl told me he was always flirting with new hires. After I find this out from these girls, he put two holes in the walls and broke the doors at the apartment that was in my name. He also bought me $200 roses and a new marriage ring fo Christmas along with other nice gifts. He even goes to therapy to get better at his lying problem (which he only did for about 3 sessions.) He swore this was the last time I would EVER have this happen to me. He swore he loved me and our family. My second baby was born February after ALL of that.
November, my mom died and left me money. I find all that out after I put money on a house for us - Our first house. I made sure we were good. I made sure my baby had everything he could need. I didn’t even buy myself a new car (backstory I lost my good credit, my 2020 car and had one eviction in this marriage. I was almost $30,000 in debt after all of that. My husband made his bad credit good and how we got the house, too. He still has his car and no evictions on his name. We paid over $5,000 for his traffic tickets and court fees plus his debts.)
I could have left then but I was vulnerable because I was having another baby in two months.I feared all the time because I couldn’t get a job or keep one being pregnant and I worried about having one after because I wouldn’t make enough with him and me working would put us at a negative income. I tried building this website but I have yet to get sales. I knew I needed to get out but one last things I feared was breaking up my marriage. I thought he could get better for all his problems.
His anger reared its head again this past month. I found a book titled “Why did he do that.” My husband fits a lot of those examples of abusers. The book said the nice guy is the mask.
This time when he got angry, he said it was my fault he cheated on me. He said it’s a woman’s fault if a man cheats. He said that women need to keep a man happy. He said he had depression caused by me which he never mentioned before. He always said I made him happier than he ever has been in his life. I didn’t know about the cheating just like I didn’t know about the cause. He endlessly lied to me.
I went to his work and asked his boss about the girl he kissed. He is still lying. He said he told his boss what happened. His boss said they both said nothing when they came in for questioning. My husband got the word out and it turned into drama when those girls texted me.
My husband is two people. Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde. I just learned recently he has been reading my journals on my phone and texts between my sister. He read my reddit posts. He lied about this and kept it to himself. I feel like he may have planned trapping me in my marriage so I would have nothing. I feel like he is stalking me, too. I have 30K left locked up in a CD - he wants that when its available to pay off the credit cards in his name. We both spend on those cards for food and needs. I want to keep it as my nest just in case. He scares me sometimes. I feel like he may charm a judge when we fight for custody if I leave. I’m scared he will bring up the knife incident and the baker act (I was bakeracted last year when 5 months pregnant- he said he would cut me off financially and have me and our unborn baby fend for ourselves. I panicked and he was being a monster. I said he was hurting me and he said he didn’t care.) I told a cop I wanted to hurt myself but I wasn’t suicidal - I just feared my husband and wanted to get away from him. It was impulsive and I regretted saying it immediately. He was messing with my mind - he fake called the cops. Never dialed but acted out a conversation. I called right after.
I fear him. He is looking like a pscychopath to me or narcist - he pal ed his whole marriage and family around abuse and lies. He admitted to lying to keep me from leaving him on a few occassions. He would act like a little innocent and hurt boy. I could never see the abuser when he switched.
Would you be scared, too? I feel like no matter what I will never be free from him. My husband has once told me nobody will believe me. Everyone thinks I’m crazy - he said this right after convincing the cops that. (Time where he bent the truth to make it funny - the cops were sold.)

I'm dealing with the emotional turmoil of learning my husband has been cheating on me on Reddit and now have nobody in our real life to talk to about it because that's somehow more embarrassing than him cheating with someone at a bar or on a dating app. So I figured, the only place that I could find people that would understand that type of pain, are other people on here. So if you're not a creepy person who is going to try to get me to get "revenge" or something dumb, I'd love to have someone to vent to about all of this.

There’s a longer story to it but I’d rather keep it short. Girlfriend and I of 2 years recently broke up a little over a month ago. Decided that it was the best for both parties to take some space because of how stressful life was getting for us. She started being friends with a guy she met a little before we broke up. I definitely got a little jealous of this and one night decided to look through her phone. I found a couple of messages that I considered as flirting, asked her if they were talking, she said no. Assured me that those messages were not flirting. Well I let it go for the most part. Everything had been going good for us and we had still been friends Unfortunately I recently checked their messages again; messages from before the original ones where I saw them flirting and found more flirting. I don’t think anything too serious went on with them, I know for sure she had a crush and maybe he didn’t completely feel the same. When they were supposed to go hang out at times, he’d flake on her. They’d actually only known each other for about 3 weeks. But I feel like somewhere along that time, they developed an emotional connection (especially on her end) and it turned into a crush. I haven’t reacted the best to us being broken up I’d admit, but I know now that she was at least lying about not liking him. I know what I seen. I’m guessing she was trying to protect my feelings and while it was in the past, I don’t believe that I want to be with her anymore. I’ve spent so much time stressing over if something was going on and was constantly assured that it was nothing. Knowing that it probably was, I don’t want to be with her now. I love her but lately I’ve been making it a point to choose my peace over anything else. I can at least be friends with her but no dating anymore.