Hey all. I am a Master's student in AI based in France. I have two PhD offers at the moment, and dont know which offer to choose.First, I have a PhD offer from Paris Saclay, and the PhD is based on Deep Learning and Computer Vision, though applied on medical imaging. It isnt intensively focused on research but more on the development side. Gross is 2400, net around 2050. The Lab is based in Evry, a Parisian suburb.The second offer is from Aalto in Finland. It is on Large Language Models applied to Quantum Materials Design. The gross is around 2800 euros, with extra money if I do some teaching duties. Not sure how much the net will be. This one is also more on the development side, though the professor said you must publish atleast one paper. Both these topics are great and I am having a hard time choosing one. Regarding my future preferences, I want to work in R&D of big companies (hopefully) and most roles in these sectors require a PhD. My current internship is on Gen AI and LLMs, but Computer Vision is also something which I like a lot. However, the Paris-Saclay one even though is focused on Computer Vision and Image Processing, but its application is on healthcare and this is a sector where I dont see myself working. So can I leverage the skills that I learn from it and apply it to other sectors, like Industrial engineering, Automobiles etc? Or not? And regarding the Aalto one, even though its on LLMs which are are a hot topic, I am not too sure on Quantum Materials Engineering and how much developed this industry is. So is it possible I use the skills obtained and apply them elsewhere? Money for me is ok. As I have good savings, dont spend a lot of money and have some side gigs too. But which topic to choose, honestly is hard. I would love and appreciate constructive opinions and advices of folks here on this. (Both PhDs are of three years)

“The past and the future, considered apart from the consequences of their content, are empty as a dream, and the present is only the indivisible and unenduring boundary between them.” ― Arthur Schopenhauer, The World As Will And Idea

In Chapter 3, it's revealed by the medical records disk that Isa's name is shorthand for "Isolde." I wasn't familiar with this name, but I felt it was distinctive enough that there had to be some meaning behind it, so I did some digging.
One use of the name "Isolde" that caught my attention was that it is the name of a facility at CERN- the ISOLDE or Isotope Separator On Line DEvice, used to produce and separate radioactive isotopes of elements for research purposes. Given the game's frequent use of motifs relating to nuclear science and the health risks of radiation, it felt too specific to be incidental. Still, there wasn't much meaning I could derive from it, but I thought it was interesting enough to be worth pointing out.
The most prominent instance of that name is from the story of Tristan and Isolde, a celtic legend and a romantic tragedy often described as a precursor to Romeo and Juliet. There are many versions of the story told across different times and cultures, but given the game's many references to Romantic Era art from the German speaking world such as Schubert's Serenade and Böcklin's Isle of the Dead, I'm inclined to think it's specifically referencing Richard Wagner's opera "Tristan and Isolde". I'll give a quick synopsis here and analyze the parallels that I think may reflect Isa's role in the story. (To avoid confusion, from now on I will only use 'Isolde' to refer to the character from Tristan and Isolde while 'Isa' will refer to the one from Signalis, unless otherwise stated.)
It begins with Isolde on a ship, being escorted by the knight Tristan, from Ireland to Cornwall to marry Tristan's uncle, King Mark of Cornwall. It is an arranged marriage she is not keen on going through. In a fit of rage, she curses the ship, hoping it sinks and takes all of them with it, particularly Tristan. After learning that Tristan killed her original fiancé, she issues him an ultimatum that she will not willingly leave with him until he drinks with her as an atonement. In truth, she is planning to poison the both of them, and he suspects as much, but in an attempt to prevent this, her attendant replaced the poison with a love potion.
Though she ends up marrying King Mark between the first and second act, Tristan and Isolde can't ignore their passionate love. They realize the only time they can safely pursue their relationship is at night, when the King and the court aren't watching. As their patience for the night grows thinner, they realize the only way to realize their love is through the eternal night: Death. But at the same time, they are caught together by the King and his attendant. Without even attempting to explain his betrayal, he asks Isolde to follow him into death and impales himself on a sword.
In the third act, Tristan partially recovers from the suicide attempt but remains delirious. At the sound of a shepard's pipe in the distance, he reflects on the death of his parents, believing the pipe to be death now calling to him. He laments drinking the potion and how it led him to live a life of madness desiring something that can never be. He dies in Isolde's arms and she follows him into death. As the King arrives to the scene, Tristan's servant kills the King's attendant in revenge and then himself. Amidst all the death, the king reveals he had learned about the love potion and had simply come to offer his blessing to Tristan and Isolde, and the story ends with them finally realizing their love in the afterlife.
In writing this adaptation of the classic story, Wagner was reportedly inspired by the work of Arthur Schopenhauer, particularly his work "Die Welt ais Wille und Vorstellung" or "The World as Will and Representation." In "The Tristan Chord: Wagner and Philosophy", author Bryan Magee identifies Wagner's use of day and night as respective metaphors for "phenomenon", the aspects of the world we can perceive and "noumenon", the fundamentally unknowable reality beneath it. Both concepts were first named by Immanuel Kant, but Schopenhauer further argued that the gap between them is the cause of misery and suffering for all sentient beings; our individual pursuits and efforts to move towards a more personally favorable 'phenomenon' cannot be reconciled with a fundamentally uncertain state of the world and its other inhabitants. That to fulfill one desire requires the quashing of ten others. Illustrating this, he writes:

"...he saw an immense field entirely covered with skeletons, and took it to be a battle-field. However, they were nothing but skeletons of large turtles five feet long, three feet broad, and of equal height. These turtles come this way from the sea in order to lay their eggs, and are then seized by wild dogs... with their united strength, these dogs lay them on their backs, tear open their lower armour, the small scales of the belly, and devour them alive. But then a tiger often pounces on the dogs. Now all this misery is repeated thousands and thousands of times, year in year out. For this, then, are these turtles born. For what offence must they suffer this agony? What is the point of this whole scene of horror? The only answer is that the will-to-live thus objectifies itself."

Returning to Signalis, this quote immediately calls to mind the first-person Shores of Oblivion scene, in which skulls are buried and littered across the sand, and a quote from one of the nearby scattered papers:

we should have never left
the primordial soup
only through death can i escape
the call of the one who rules
above all life

Tristan and Isolde, realizing that their personal passions were irreconcilable with the interests of the material world they were in, concluded the only answer was to leave it behind altogether, so they made a death pact. A "promise", if you will. So upon finding Tristan dead, Isolde takes her own life. Much like how our Isa, who upon losing hope of being able to find Erika in the living world, disintegrates.
Another related theme connecting these stories is the lamentation of fate. Just as Isolde prays for the ship carrying her to her destiny to sink with her on it, and as Tristan regrets drinking the potion that led him to a life of desire for something that could never be, two early game quotes from Isa show that she is seeking Erika not just with love and concern but with regret for how they left things:

"Erika, if you find this note, despite everything that's happened. I've come to look for you."
"Have you ever wondered if you're speaking to someone for the last time without knowing? I wish I could go back, so I could say something else."

The details of this regret are deliberately ambiguous. It sounds like they had a fight or falling out, but 'everything that's happened' implies a deeper conflict- a disagreement or choice that they couldn't reconcile. Something important enough that it took Isa away from her sister, yet also something she regrets so greatly that she would take it all back just so she can see her sister one more time.
As Schopenhauer said, "A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants." The great tragedy at the center of Tristan and Isolde is that even if we have control of our actions, we are at the mercy of the desires we were given by fate. It's a theme that permeates not just Isa's story, but Signalis as a whole.
Elster never chose to love Ariane. Had she not, she might have found the strength to end her suffering before it was too late. So she ran away from the "day" of Ariane's suffering into the "night" of keeping her in cryosleep.
Ariane never chose to love art. Had she not, she could have had a simple and comfortable life fitting in with her peers. So she ran away from the "day" of the Eusan Nation's surveillance and social ridicule into the "night" of Penrose-512.
Falke lost any hope of finding happiness after becoming burdened with emotions and identity that she could do nothing to satiate.
And then there's Adler, all but crushed by helplessness as he tries in vain to hold back the death of reality, as Elster and Isa continue to bring about its apparent decay in pursuit of their own wills. The relationship between Adler and Isa is interesting and I think quite important, as he's the only character besides Elster who gets direct screen time with her. As the game bluntly mentions the first time Adler meets Isa,

NONE OF US ARE HERE BY CHOICE (And No One Will Miss Us)

It's from this and the Schopenhauerian interpretation of Tristan and Isolde that I think Adler represents phenomenon while Isa represents noumenon.
Adler wishes to preserve the light of day. To awaken from the dream and return to shared experience of a common, coherent reality. One where what you see is what you get. Where experiences can be trusted, and results are predictable.
Isa wishes to live in the night. The world of passion and of choice. Valuing the experience of familial love over all else, even the world or truth, she continues to live only in pursuit of another reality amidst the abyss of uncertainties, one where she made amends with her sister before it was too late, or never fell out with her at all. And when she finally accepts that she cannot find it or manifest it, much like her namesake, she concludes the "eternal night" is her last recourse.
There can be no perfect reconciliation between these two wills. It can never be day and night at the same time. And yet they do find themselves together- falling into the bottom of the mine. In the Nowhere, at the end of all things. At the sunset, the liminal space in between the night and day, between dreaming and waking. Because, one means nothing without the other.
To me that is the important take away from her story. That if we don't want to live in regret over the hand life dealt us- hating ourselves for being unable to fulfill the desires we were stuck with, before its too late, we must confront the question of which world we want to live in.
Is it truly better to have loved and lost then never loved at all? Is it truly better to have tried and failed than to never try? I don't want to believe the answer is no, but none of us can be certain for ourselves until we reason with ourselves honestly about why we struggle with the question in the first place- what the true value of each side of the coin is. Perhaps then we can accept what is beyond our control.
To quote Schopenhauer once more:

Every individual, every human apparition and its course of life, is only one more short dream of the endless spirit of nature, of the persistent will-to-live, is only one more fleeting form, playfully sketched by it on its infinite page, space and time; it is allowed to exist for a short while that is infinitesimal compared with these, and is then effaced, to make new room. Yet, and here is to be found the serious side of life, each of these fleeting forms, these empty fancies, must be paid for by the whole will-to-live in all its intensity with many deep sorrows, and finally with a bitter death, long feared and finally made manifest. It is for this reason that the sight of a corpse suddenly makes us serious.

Doing some research into Oman and it's use of electronic medical record systems in hospitals. Does anyone here know if the country has a national plan for these systems or are they still on paper?

Hey guys. I am a first sem CS senior w 3.6 GPA, who is trying to pivot into Stats for grad school (MS). I wanted to hear other CS majors' stories on how their grad admissions went, and whether they felt like admission to top 5 schools after Cornell was relatively a breeze (assuming their GPA is good). One would think that having gone to a Top 10 undergrad CS School going to a T5 for grad wouldn't be much harder?
Besides, I only have 1 semester of research, which unfortunately did not result in a published paper, so I am curious if lack of published papers for Stanford-level STEM schools is ultimately a deal breaker, considering my GPA is by no means a 4.0. For more context, by the time I graduate, I will have 2 big name industry swe internships, one of which will be at a faang.
I would appreciate any feedback or advice. If there are any Stanford/MIT/Caltech/CMU/Princeton/Harvard/Yale/Berkeley MS Stats admits here, please hmu!!
Thank you guys!

TL;DR: I have way less opportunities for building up ECs than one'd expect, residing in a close-to-vilage town; financially or otherwise. Do I have a chance for studying Biology (most likely PG) abroad (such as the US or UK)?
my_qualifications: ICSE 10th grade, 98.8% Bo5
Starting with what I mean by "situation" in the title, it, as a matter of fact, doesn't symbolize some excruciatingly painful or physically deranging position or anything even close to that; it's something a lot more commonplace (at least from what I've seen in real life): I reside in a pretty small and isolated town and this alone ticks off a lot of boxes for a reduction in chances I'd ever get out of India. What I have gathered over the course of my obviously inadequate research on the Internet that it is pretty inevitable that those who get in have exceptional academics, even out of the stipulated curriculum. - One that I've seen often being mentioned is the AP classes administered by the College Board; a typical applicant takes anywhere between 5 and 20 (!) AP courses and somehow gets a 5 in all of them – the highest score, I presume – all the while acing the exams held in their respective curricula. I was interested, of course, although I was stumped by noticing the testing fee for one AP itself; courses themselves are a whole another thing. - The other option I stumbled upon was Olympiads. Some googling led me to the official websites administering the regional, state, and national level Olympiads in different sciences. They were cool and all, but – as far as I understand – you'd need an educational institution or anything similar to apply for such a thing, which is most likely not possible to do here. I might be incorrect though, and while this is a clear tangent to the original question, I would like to know if I can self-teach myself the kind of skills different Olympiads like IPhO, IMO or IBO (or anything similar that would look fine on my resume) demand, as well as if I can apply for them by my own.
My academics? Just a "class topper" tag multiple times and winning a few very localised competitions. Haha.
Even with exceptional academics, it's only a barebones requisite for actually having a chance. I was acquainted of the fact that people who get in have gone out of their way to do stuff that's very unique - and I believe stuff like this is a differentiator for selecting people. Especially at the top Unis. - The most popular EC were starting / leading clubs or similar. An applicant usually started one on their own due to a lack of such an organised body at their schools for interested people. This is out of my reach, too – where I studied till 10th grade in did have clubs, but they were taken down on account of pandemic and since then the Principal has been hesitant to restart them. No real activity was happening in these clubs, anyway. - The other niche thing I saw was publishing research papers or participating in essay competitions where you formally put forth a unique standpoint about something. I'm once again incapable to do so, as far as I could see: my understanding is that you're supposed to conduct experiments or at least partake in a STEM-based research body that does these experiments, and either unanimously or otherwise publish the findings and conclude certain things. I might be wrong, again, but this is what I've come to know – and I definitely have no opportunities where I live to even start doing anything; more specifically, a bigger problem is that I have no idea what to do at large for getting into stuff like this. - Raising money for a cause? Nope. Nada. Zero possibility. - Starting public awareness camps / hosting conferences related to my major / NGO? Also not possible.
Now I know there are many (a lot many, I presume) cases where someone didn't have stellar ECs on their profile but still got in, which would allow someone to hurl back at me with the following points, in my opinion:

The AOs do not see a huge brag-list of near-perfect grades and out-of-the-world ECs; they only see if what you've done over your high school period is helpful.

That's the most common point I see everywhere. While I do understand what it implies, I honestly don't think I ever had a chance to do so - my school, as it is now inherently deducible, is pretty dogsh*t at providing opportunities for stuff like that. On top of that, the place I live, and the contacts I have with people, have almost no knowledge of what it takes for someone to apply to abroad colleges. Therefore, the long and the short is, the number of notable activities I've undertaken during or before 9th grade is infinitesimally small.

You can try your best to have a very good CGPA in 11th and 12th and partake in international-level exams.

I certainly can ensure the first half of it; the second half? I don't even know where to start - I feel what I've gathered till now is just an innate cloud of tension and presumably erratic bits of information with no continuity.

You can move outside and study in an international board such as IB, A-levels, etc.; for the most part, these have a higher weightage in foreign colleges than ISC or CBSE.

Sadly not possible because those are waaaay outside my affordability.
I think that's a pretty feasible summary of the information I've congregated beginning from the past year up-till now. If there is any mistake or misconception that I might bear, please let me know! And going back to my initial question: Do I still have a chance to open up a whole new pathway to pursue studying abroad? Should I stick with being in India?

Hi everyone thinking about taking MICR 4600 Immunology with Porter! I wanted to give you a breakdown for the class format and explain how it functions. I just finished Immunology with Porter (was one of my CLS pre-reqs) and this class is no joke. It was one of the hardest classes I have ever taken and I already have my degree in Microbiology. Please be ready for being tested comprehensively on the information you learn. Not only is there lots of content to learn, but Porter will design ways to test your understanding of how to apply the info you learned in lecture.
Grade breakdown - lab and lecture are graded together. There is a total of 1000 points you can earn from each. You need to do well in both to get a good grade:
Lecture Component (600 points total):

• Reflective Essays (20 points)
  • Easyish essay on what you expect from the class at the beginning and then again after the final (2 essays).
• Active Learning (50 points)
  • Randomly during class, there will be a ~2pt assignment just explaining the lecture content you learned. Acts as an attendance checker
  • This isn't tested on if you get it correct its graded by participation and if you get it wrong she just comments the right answer.
• Case Studies (100 points)
  • Five team-based case studies: 10 points each
    • Every other week you get a group assignment. Using information you learned in lecture, you need to assess a medical issue. You must explain the immunological causes, key information why you diagnosed what you did, what diagnostic tests you should run to assess the diagnosis, and some questions that may be applicable for the case.
  • Final team-based case study: 50 points
    • Same as above but this one is presented to the class (powerpoint + 1 question from Porter)
• Seminar Synopsis and Research Question (30 points)
  • You will get two guest lectures during this class. You will need to write a paper on the research/information being presented during one of these lectures.
• Weekly Post-Lecture Quizzes (150 points)
  • Fifteen quizzes: 10 points each
    • These quizzes are really challenging! You get two chances and your grade will be the average of the two. Study the lecture before taking the quiz.
• Midterm Exam (100 points)
  • Free response with a few multiple choice questions
    • About 5 pages of free response
• Final Comprehensive Examination (150 points)
  • Similar to midterm setup.
    • About 11 pages of free response (comprehensive with emphasis on lectures after midterm) plus 20 multiple choice.
• Midterm and Final have an essay portion due the night before the test. You need to find a regular news article(NYT/BBC/etc not actual science or research journals) where you describe news on information from the lessons in class. Should be an easy 10 points for each.)

Laboratory Component (400 points total) ~with Dr. Tapia:

• Weekly Pre-Lab Quizzes (60 points)
  • Twelve quizzes: 5 points each
    • Easy just read manual and due early morning before lab section
• Safety Quiz (10 points)
• Quizzes 1 and 2 (80 points)
  • Two quizzes: 40 points each
    • Open lab notebook. As long as you keep your notebook updated, you'll be okay but be sure you have all the reagents whole names written down.
• Graphs (30 points)
  • Three graphs: 10 points each
    • Will be on lab data given by the professor. Make sure you include all the information required on the assignment or points might be deducted.
• Lab Notebook (50 points)
  • Needs to have images or drawings of experiment if noted in manual.
• Poster Session (50 points)
  • Poster: 30 points (team)
    • Team makes poster but each individual is required to present during a poster session.
  • Poster presentation: 10 points (individual)
  • Poster evaluations: 10 points (individual)
• Final Comprehensive Laboratory Examination (120 points)
  • You get a cheat sheet for this.

General Policies:

• Attendance for both lectures and labs is mandatory.
• No make-up exams or late assignments are accepted unless justified (e.g., doctor's note). She's pretty strict with exceptions without doctor note.
• Participation in lecture will help you accumulate extra credit for your final grade so participate often and go to office hours!!

Feel free to ask any questions below. Happy to answer :)

Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor or a scientist. Please do your own research and consult with healthcare specialists.
I have hairy cell leukemia and did a ton of research about what a patient can do to improve or worsen the condition.
During my research, I casually found a paper stating that Acetoacetate promotes tumor growth in BRAF-related cancers. Acetoacetate is a substance produced when you fast for a long time, do low carb or do the ketogenic diet. It is one of the ketones the liver produces where there are insufficient carbs to fuel the system.
This came as a shock, as I had previously read that fasting could improve leukemias and showed positive results combined with immunotherapy.
I was about to start a round of chemotherapy + rituximab (immunotherapy) and I thought I should maximise results doing a keto diet + intermittent fasting as I had read positive things. Thank god I searched pubmed for info before doing that, because I could have worsen the condition.
Bottom line: I'm now doing the opposite of keto which is ensuing I don't fast for too long and I eat carbs all through the day to avoid producing ketones. In my last round of chemo I achieved full remission. In my previous round of chemo I was low carbing and had some cancer residue in my system.
My first diagnose of HCL was in 2021, and I had done a keto diet a couple years before that. I suspect I created my HCL by doing it. I enjoyed the diet and was hoping to do it again, but now it's an absolute no-go for me.
If you have a BRAF-related cancer, please bear in mind this information. If you know someone who has a BRAF-related cancer, please share this information with them.
Sources:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28089569/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26145173/

I've been settled on Elvanse 50mg for a couple of years, it's revolutionised my life and i don't get any side effects anymore. But i've consistently found, for the last 18 months or so, that my executive dysfunction and procrastination on non-work tasks (organising my life, making plans, replying to friend's messages, booking appointments, etc) is greatly improved but only for the first 45 minutes after my meds have kicked in. After that, I can focus on work tasks, etc but my ability to overcome the activation energy of those more menial tasks drops to unmedicated levels again.
I used to use my long commute to work to just get all my stuff done but since I've recently changed jobs to one with an active commute (1 hr+ driving instead of 1.5hr public transport), i'm losing that precious time to driving and really noticing a negative effect in my life (unread/unreplied messages from friends are piling up, appointments take me months to book, etc).
I assume that i'm getting a larger initial dose when the capsule is first broken down and the drug metabolised, and this is then tapering down to a more consistent, lower dose throughout the day. Increasing my dose to 60mg hasn't improved this though and my psych doesn't seem to have many answers.
So, considering i'm not exactly leading the best lifestyle for adhd medication efficacy (take my meds at 5/6am on an empty stomach, exist on 1 cup of coffee and a homemade protein smoothie until late in the afternoon, crash at 2pm, etc) i'm wondering if anyone, anecdotally, has experienced a similar thing and managed to find a way to get this effect to last longer throughout the day through lifestyle changes?
Also while i'm here, anyone been on prozac (fluoxetine) or Duloxetine (Cymbalta) and experienced feeling like it significantly counteracted their adhd meds? I've found research papers that indicate is is known that production of Serotonin inhibits production of Dopamine (definitely overly simplified since i am not a biologist or medical doctor) but my psych seems flummoxed so i'm wondering if this is just a me issue or if anyone else finds SSRIs and SNRIs make them feel dopamine starved?

This is from a newsletter from The IC Network. I don't know any more than what is on the Web site.
OAG1050 STUDY WEBSITE
The OAG1050 study is being conducted to see if an investigational medication is safe and effective in treating the symptoms of women who have IC/BPS.
You may be able to join this study if you:
Are a female between 18 and 70 years of age
Have been diagnosed with interstitial cystitis or bladder pain syndrome or have been experiencing bladder pain, pressure or discomfort accompanied by a frequent need for urination that is not due to other causes (e.g. infection) and has persisted for at least six months.
Are willing to travel to the clinic up to 9 times during an 8-week study treatment period.
Are willing to use a computer or cell phone (can be your personal device) to monitor and record information daily about your pattern of pain and urination for the duration of the study.
There are other requirements for taking part in the OAG1050 study. If you are eligible and choose to participate, the study team will discuss additional study requirements, procedures and your rights and responsibilities with you.
Participation in the OAG1050 study lasts approximately 3.5 months and requires up to 9 visits to the study site.
If you qualify, you will receive – at no cost- access to the investigational medication, careful evaluation and frequent monitoring of your condition, and the opportunity to help advance the treatment of interstitial cystitis and bladder pain s syndrome.
To learn more about the clinical research study and to see if you may qualify, please visit:

I want to thank Meatcanyon and Wendigoon for starting Creepcast. I've played around with writing horror, and here is my first short story. I will post it for free in a few other places to see what people think. Please enjoy!
A Hike to Remember
By R.L. Oclen
Chapter 1
A woman sits with hastily pulled-up fire-red hair in the waiting room of the state patrol station. The procedurally sterile off-white walls and decade-old magazines do little for comfort. With her head hanging low, her shoulders pushing forward, and her boots rapidly tapping on the floor, something has to give.
"Please just let her be okay." The woman growls as a pair of officers come in from the field. The officers' demeanors quickly change when they see the familiar face.
"Tabitha, did Officer Nichols call you?" one of the state patrol officers asked sympathetically.
"Yes, he asked me to come in and pick up a few things," Tabitha said, shooting back a muted look.
" I'll let them know you're here." The officer said, nodding to Tabitha as they passed the security door. Tabitha leaned back against the hard plastic chair, staring blankly into the fluorescent light. She had done this dance in the macabre repeatedly over the past month. The last image of her younger sister, Lisa, still burned in her mind. Tabitha had always been protective over her younger sister after their parents died. A pang of guilt shoots through her chest as she thinks about her and Lisa's argument.
"Tabitha Hymm, Officer Nichols is ready for you."
"Okay," she stood up, shaking off her guilt, and followed the officer back. The familiar surroundings of the state patrol station blurred as Tabitha stared forward. She followed the officer as they came to a rustic wooden office door, which was embossed with "Officer Nichols."
The escorting officer turns the old brass door knob. "Sir, I have Tabitha Hymm here." A grizzled West Virginia Highway State Patrol veteran sits behind the desk and nods. The escorting officer steps aside, pushing the door open as Tabitha pushes past him and slumps in the awaiting chair like so many times before. An uncomfortable relationship had formed between the two, born out of necessity and duty.
"Cup of coffee?"
"No thanks. Let's just cut to the chase. You don't have anything new?"
The worn laugh lines and Officer Nichols's face flattens. His eyebrows contour sympathetically as he shakes his head.
"Tabitha, I don't have anything else new for you. I wanted to give you the clothes returned from the lab." Her face darkened at the same response she had heard many times.
"As we discussed two weeks ago, there is nothing new and no signs of struggle or foul play," Officer Nichols said while placing a box marked evidence on the table and sliding it forward. Tabitha began to weep at the realization of Lisa's clothes in front of her. In a coordinated queue, Officer Nichols brought out a box of tissues. Reluctantly, Tabitha took a few moments to unblur her vision.
"How does someone stop their car in the middle of the Remington West Virginia State Park, lock it, and then walk into the woods?" Officer Nichols clasped his hands together and sighed at her worn question.
"Tabitha, I wish I had an answer for why your sister stopped her car in the woods and simply walked off. We're still going through her cell phone, but no signs exist that anyone forced her. On that Tuesday morning, she pulled over to the side of the road, secured her car, and walked away." Officer Nichols said empathetically.
Tabitha became stoic at the same explanation she had heard many times before. " So what next?"
"You should go back to Ohio, and I'll contact you as soon as I have more information." She winced at Officer Nichols's words. Reality began to pull at her that bills and work wouldn't wait much longer.
"If I leave, she's gone for good."
" You staying won't bring her back." Officer Nichols said sympathetically.
" So is that it? She's just gone?"
" Tabitha, I'll be honest with you. In cases like this… when people do things like this. Recovery is harder in the spring due to the weather and the animals. You know her mental condition better than I do. I can't explain why she did what she did. But until I find a solution, a suicide note, some intention, or body. She's not here. Tabitha, I'm-"
" Don't you fucking say sorry!" Tabitha stood up, screaming at Officer Nichols, throwing the plastic chair backward against the wall. " I should just look for myself."
"No!" Officer Nichols said momentarily, gripping the desk as his face hardened, then relaxed. Tabitha was caught off guard by Officer Nichols, who was normally composed. "Tabitha, I know this is unbearable. I've sat on this side of the desk and had these conversations. Trust me; I need you to be safe if I need your help later."
Tabitha nods, knowing Officer Nichols is right. She reaches down, picks up the evidence box of her sister's belongings, and leaves.
" Tabitha, if you're heading home, don't stop your car; just keep driving." Tabitha stops to look at Officer Nichols, feeling an eeriness to his words.
" Goodbye, Officer Nichols," Tabitha said as she closed the rustic wooden door behind her. She counted the tiles as she exited the West Virginia State Patrol Station. Placing her sister's belongings carefully in the back seat of her Jeep, Tabitha then sat momentarily behind the steering wheel, staring at the emblem. The familiar numbness washed over Tabitha as she pushed the start button. She pulled onto the highway, driving to the motel that had been home for the last month or so. Muted pop music accented the drive back as her mind raced with questions. Once inside the two-and-a-half-star motel room, Tabitha sat her sister's belongings on the corner table, crumbled onto the bed, and cried.
***
Tabitha wiped the steam from the slightly spotted mirror above the bathroom sink. The hot water from the shower felt good and loosened some of the stress from her body. Looking back at her, Tabitha's face was framed by damp curls around her shoulders. Her face marked the stress of the past month. Frowning, she examined the bags under her eyes; sleep had to come tonight. Walking into the living area, She changed into her favorite gym shorts and oversized sleep shirt. The alarm on her phone flashed "7:00 am," so she could drive home five hours after breakfast.
Tabitha hated feeling comfortable in this once strange room, but falling asleep was getting easier now. Her eyes closed slowly as the ceiling fan droned evenly. At first, nothing came in her dreams, but she let her guard down and slipped further into sleep.
As she dreamed of floating overhead like a bird of prey, Tabitha soared over the vast Remington National Park. The high noon sun bore down on the crisp woods, perfectly contrasting sky and forest. The heat of the sun felt good on her feathers. Distant cries rang out through the dream-like forest, catching her attention. Tabitha tilted her wings toward the screams, feeling a sense of familiar curiosity.
She now recognized the sobs and cries for help as she flew closer, her sharp eyes locked on her sister leaning against a large oak tree. She glided overhead without care, examining the situation below. Lisa clung to the tree, her eyes darting back and forth, scanning upwards. Lisa's face reflected desperation, looking for help in any direction. Tabitha lazily circles Lisa several times before perching on a sturdy branch higher in one of the oak trees. She watched Lisa intently with hunger. She bellowed deeply, hearing the unnatural sound she made, catching Lisa's eyes. Lisa's expression changed; she became calm, almost uncaring, as she stared back at Tabitha's form. Hunger grew exponentially in Tabitha as she spread her large wings. Her large eyes gaze down at Lisa before diving straight for her sister.
Tabitha jolts awake to the alarm on her phone flashing "7:23 AM." She breathes in sharply, shaking off the last horrible thoughts from the reoccurring nightmare. The strange details become more vivid each time. The lingering memories of folk stories her mother told sat in the back of her mind. In those stories, the dead would reach out in dreams as a matter of warning. Leaning back on the headboard, she searched for the advice her psychologist gave her. During their last session, Dr. Ryland explained dreams are a form of self-actualization of guilt. He told Tabitha that it was natural to feel responsible when losing a loved one in this manner.
Tabitha grumbled, lightly running her hands through her red hair; she pushed everything to the back of her mind. "Get it together!" She grumbled to herself. She pushed herself off the bed and got ready to leave. It was going to be a long trip home, and the only thing she could do now was leave things in the authorities' hands. Packing up was pretty easy since she only cycled through the outfits she brought. The local laundromat must have made a small fortune off her. Tabitha took one last look at the box of Lisa's belongings before throwing them in her duffle bag. She was thankful she didn't have to spend another night in this room.
***
Tabitha sat behind the wheel, waiting for the 90's model minivan to finish their order so she could grab a breakfast burrito on the way out. Considering the situation, the Deer Stop Family Restaurant did have a good breakfast. Finally, pulling up to the 70-style drive-in board, Tabitha rolled off the order she had been accustomed to. " I'll take a large iced tea with the double breakfast burrito meal and hash browns, please."
" Would you like some happy hot sauce with that?"
" That's fine, and a few ketchup packets as well."
" Your total is $8.79. Please pull around."
She pulled around to her window, flashed her debit card, got the receipt, and waited for her food. Luckily, the young woman serving her wasn't very talkative in the morning. The last thing she wanted was a conversation about the weather or meaningless small talk.
" Here's your large iced tea and breakfast meal. Ketchup and happy hot sauce are inside."
" Thanks," Tabitha said while mustering her best fake smile. The woman only smiled and nodded as the service window automatically closed. She pulled into the parking lot and dug into breakfast. Turning the radio to the weather, Tabitha sat back and enjoyed her meal. The local DJ read through the headlines, making nonpartisan comments about politics and grumbling about improving the economy. Tabitha powered through the updates of the "out-of-state woman" who'd gone missing. It was nice that the local radio station gave Lisa's name, description, and a missing person's number for sightings or leads. Tabitha even interviewed with the local news and radio stations, hoping it would bring Lisa home. But she soon found all it brought was a sorrowful look from the locals as she interacted with them in her day-to-day life.
Finishing the last of her hash browns, Lisa wadded up everything in the paper bag and threw it in the back seat. The 9 AM weather report said it was nothing but clear skies and sun the rest of the week. Tabitha flipped the radio over to the greatest hit station, pulled out of the parking lot, and began her trip home. She memorized the roads, every bend and turn in the early weeks as she frantically looked for Lisa. There's something hypnotic about the trees: the way they flow together. The trees' green tops and the oak trees' wide trunks were a relaxing view. Tabitha enjoyed the lazy s-curves of the road, bending and winding around the hills and the trees. The occasional farmhouse or field dotted the sides of the road as she made her way to the main highway.
The blur of a semi-truck snapped Tabitha's attention as she pulled up to the mouth of the highway. She had four and a half hours ahead of her, which would be a long ride. Tabitha pulled onto the highway and picked up speed, noting sparse traffic. She relaxed into her seat, letting her gaze gloss over the blur of green foliage. Without warning, Tabitha caught a large shadow from the corner of her left eye. When she registered the black feathery form, Tabitha tensed up and slammed on the brakes as it swooped across the vehicle's hood. Quickly, she pulled the car safely off the road. She couldn't determine exactly what it was, but it was bigger than any bird she'd seen. It was a bird, right? Tabitha turned off her Jeep and grabbed the keys and cell phone. Standing before the Jeep, she looked over the grill to see if she made contact with the entity.
Bewildered, she scanned the tree line, spotting something in the distance. Sitting in the clearing of the large oak forest was an enormous black owl. It stared intently at Tabitha with bright, shiny yellow eyes. She pushed the lock button on her keys, causing the jeep to beep securely. She turned, looking across the open field, an enormous black owl perched in the upper branches of an old oak tree. Each step she took away from the road piqued her curiosity. Soon, Tabitha stood in the middle of the open field, staring intently into the eyes of the enormous owl.
The horn of a passing semi-truck blared, pulling Tabitha's attention away from the mysterious large creature. She looked back and saw that she had walked farther away from the Jeep than she had thought. She glanced back to the forest line only to see the enormous owl was deeper into the woods than before. She narrowed her vision to find the two large, bright yellow eyes staring back. Had it moved? The day's stress, care, and worry suddenly poured out of Tabitha. It was replaced by only curiosity and overbearing tranquility. She warmly smiled for the first time in months as her feet pulled her further into the woods.
Chapter 2
The tug of gravity pulls Tabitha to her senses as her body reacts, falling forward. Her arms thrust forward, bracing for impact. Water rushes around her face as she struggles to get her bearings. Quickly, Tabitha pushed herself up in the ankle-high stream she fell in. The haze slowly clears from her mind as she stares at the muddy water. The dull ache throbs up her legs. Tabitha can smell the sweat from her clothes. Her face contorted in panic as she quickly stood up in the water, looking for her cell. Thankfully, the device was still in her pocket, dry and unscathed.
"One o'clock. How can that be?" Tabitha says, slowly looking up from the screen to see the vast, dense West Virginia forest encompassing her view. She shakes her head back and forth with disbelief. A smile gently spreads across her face, with the last bit of tranquility leaving her body. How did I get out here? Her breathing becomes faster as her pulse begins to quicken. I'm in the forest. I'm all alone—just like Lisa!
"NO, NO, NO, NO! THIS FUCKING CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME!" Tabitha screams into the void of trees. Her eyes well up with tears as she crumbles to her knees, gripping her phone tightly to her chest. Her sobs ring out through the thick oak trees. Her breath slows a little as she regains her composure. She begins to search her mind for anything. What is the last thing I can remember? The image of the black shadow crossing her vision while driving flashes into her mind.
"Okay, I got out of the Jeep, the…then what?" Tabitha says, trying to refresh her memories. She thinks her memory is not just gone; it's a black void in her mind. Complete blackness fills her mind right after remembering locking the Jeep and then turning to see the…
"Fuck I saw something. What was it!" Tabitha says, frustrated with her mind. She knew there must be a logical reason she was out here. Officer Nichols warned her not to go looking for her sister. She wasn't stupid; she just said that as a last-ditch effort to get him to do anything. Now I'm here.
"Run!" Tabitha heard Lisa's voice in her ear. Before she could turn around, she heard a loud bellowing coming from overhead. Fear shot down her back, reminding her of the nightmares she had over the past month. She shot forward full bore as something crashed to the ground behind her. Glancing back as she ran, a black mass of feathers convulsed between the broken branches of the trees. Its slick black feathers rippled across its surface as its bones crackled and flesh tore. Its body contorted and twisted from the shape of an owl to something bigger.
"Run, Tabby! Don't let it catch you!" Tabitha pushed forward, hearing Lisa's scream beside her face. Her breath burned in her chest, and she moved past the old oak trees bent over the creek bed. Her feet slammed rapidly, splashing along the side of the creek. Another loud bellow comes from behind as the trees bend and break to the force behind her. A small opening in the rocky creek bed catches her sight from the left. She dives into the crevasses, not caring where the fathoms lead. Tabitha tumbles in the pitch black, taking scrapes and sharp jabs from the rocks as she tumbles further into the void.
She finally tumbles to a stop on the sandy, wet floor of the cave. Her body aches from the sudden burst of exhaustion. The cool water running around her body from the creek is soothing despite her bumps and bruises. Pushing herself up, she scoots out of the water. Feeling her way forward, she finds a dry spot to collect herself. Quickly pushing her hand into her pocket, she finds her phone undamaged.
The sound of footsteps pushing against the creek fills the void around Tabitha as the light steps move closer to each other up the underground creekbed. She slowly removes her cell from her pocket and then shines the camera light toward the sound. A pair of scratched and bruised pale bare legs hold up a frail form in front of her in the creek. She wears the darkness as a shroud with nothing else to clothe her. Tabitha froze, not wanting to shine the light further in the pale form before her.
"Tabby, turn your light off. You need to save your battery." Tabitha turned off the light and then rushed forward, embracing Lisa—the how or why didn't matter, only the now. The pale form hugged her tightly. Tabitha felt her cold, bare skin. The darkness couldn't hide the feeling of the marks across her back and torso.
"Lisa, I'm-"
"Hush! I don't have much time. This wasn't your fault! I'm with Mom and Dad now. You have to survive, Tabby! Listen. Wait until the sun shines through the cracks, making a trail out. Follow it down the creek until you come to the opening. You'll see a large hill you hike up for a cell signal. And remember…If you can't see it… It can't hurt you. I love you-"
Tabitha stumbled forward before catching herself. The void in front of her arms was only filled by cool air. She looked up and noticed a faint glimmer of light pushing through the ceiling. She sat down, relaxing against the limestone wall of the cave, waiting for the trail of light to form.
***
After a few hours, the light shining through the cracks of the cave ceiling was bright enough to lead Tabitha to the other side. She stepped onto the creek bed, thankful for the sun hanging lower in the sky. Scanning the sky, Tabitha saw only a few clouds. The foothills of Appalachia backdropped the forest as she scanned for the hill. Her eyes found the trail leading up the steady slope of an impressive hill. The top of the hill was bare. Part of the hill must have sheared off in a landslide, leaving the top void of trees and a jagged cliff face. Tabitha started her hike up the back of the hill. She was careful to stay under the heavy canopy of the old trees, hopefully avoiding the creature's eyes.
She did her best to quiet her mind while hiking up the trail. Come on, almost to the top, then I can call 911, she replayed repeatedly in her mind. Her adrenaline made up for the lack of food since morning. She drank some water from a clean spot in the creek. She was placing her bet on rescue rather than worrying about the water.
Leaning against one of the trees, Tabitha took out her cell and measured the signal.
"Damn it, nothing!" She swore under her breath. She listened nervously and cautiously peered her head out from the tree line. Standing at the tree line, the cell phone still had a low signal. She pushed her anxiety down with a swallow and slowly stepped forward onto the bare rock. Tabitha was now out in the open. She walked with the cell phone pointed upwards, measuring the signal. Within three feet of the cliff face, her signal bar punched up to full. Tabitha began to punch in the numbers just as a pair of large yellow eyes appeared. She felt her legs become weak, and her vision blurred as the creature snared her in its gaze.
Tabitha ducked, missing the giant owl's claws as it swooped for her. She squinted her eyes shut, momentarily breaking the hold of the infernal beast as it crashed to the ground, tumbling down the path of old trees. On her hands and knees, she tucked the dialed phone back into her pocket. She heard the creature's loud bellowing, followed by the snapping of bone and flesh ripping. It was changing its shape to finish her off.
Tabitha tried to get up, but the flash of its eyes did something to her. Her legs were numb, her stomach was in knots, and she could barely put a few thoughts together.
"If you can't see it, it can't hurt you." Tabitha heard clearly in her left ear. She quickly pushed herself into a sitting position and fumbled for the key chain in her right pocket. Pulling the long chain of keys, luck charms, and keepsakes, her father's Swiss army knife dangled at the end. She slowly opened the half-inch blade. Her body wholeheartedly rejected her plan and tried to fight her. Every internal warning system sounded as her body fought against her as she brought the blade against the corner of her left eye.
She didn't know if she could do it until the creature bellowed in her direction. With one quick motion, the half-inch blade sliced across her left eye. The world dimmed and then went black on her left side. Behind her, the beast's thundering gallop was getting closer. Tabitha plunged herself into total darkness with the last bit of her strength. Her hand gripped tightly around the bloody knife as she folded forward onto the ground. She could feel herself weeping blood. She squinted, doing her best to stem the tide of blood loss.
A large feathered paw drove into Tabitha's right side, flipping her onto her back. She lay still as the hulking creature stood over her. It remained motionless, and Tabitha was confused about why it didn't move or bite her. Then she started to giggle, just a little at first. Then, laughing madly into the creature's face as it growled back at her. She could not see it; she couldn't see anything. Her mind couldn't be eaten!
The creature roared into Tabitha's face while plunging one of its sharp claws into her shoulder. Tabitha screamed in pain, slashing the knife downward. The blade hit something soft, and she ripped the blade down, rending whatever she had hit on the abomination. A bright yellow, foul-smelling liquid gushed in a torrent over Tabitha's face. She turned to cough, having swallowed a portion of it. The creature reared back, squealing in pain. Its hind leg came down hard on Tabitha's leg, snapping her tibia. She jerked her leg up, causing the creature to tumble forward and fall over the edge of the cliff side.
Tabitha heard the creature crash below at the base of the hill. A large dead tree speared the creature through its chest. Tabitha could hear the labored whines of the creature as its cries became weak and slowed. A wave of sickness hit her as she rolled over and vomited. The foul smell drenched her. She did her best to focus, reaching into her pocket and pulling out the phone. By memory, she typed in the unlock pin. She held her breath and placed her thumb where the call button should be.
She could hear the call being made then, "911. What is your emergency?"
"Please help me! A bear has attacked me, and I can't see. I think I am on a hill."
"Ok, ma'am, stay with me! Do you know where you are located?"
"No, I'm lost. Please send help."
"It's okay. Stay with me on the phone, and I'll use the cell signal to try to find you."
"I'm on top of one of the hills. I think I am lying on a bare roc-" Tabitha slipped unconscious with the cell still tightly in her hand. Her body began to tremble and convulse.
"Ma'am! Ma'am! Stay with me. I have help on the way."
Chapter 3
A young man in military fatigues frantically compiles images and reconnaissance data from his drone feed. Confirming his hunch, he commands the winged surveillance drone to make a hard left and send a live video feed. His eyes widened as he saw a large owl-shaped shadow crash onto the top of a hill. He watches in awe as the sleek black owl twists and shifts into something much larger, like a grizzly. As the drone turns, he sees a woman at the cliff's edge trying to steady yourself on her hands and knees.
He bolts up from the command module, jotting down the drone's coordinates on one of the printouts. The drab government-issued office motif for the watch station blurs in the corner of his eye as he rushes down the hallway to the watch commander's office.
"Sir, recon has eyes on AMOS! And it's feeding!" the man said, swinging the heavy wooden door open. He took the hastily compiled file and pushed it forward to the commanding officer.
An older, tanned man quickly stands, reaching for the files. His brow furls, seeing his charge is awake. "Keep eyes on it! Go Adams!" The young man nods, turning on his heel and bolting for the drone command module. As his office door slams shut from the subordinate officer, he grabs his headset and frantically dials the closest military outpost to the coordinates.
"Hello, Sergeant Klein; this is Agent Smith of Black Watch outpost 7948! Shadow is active, code Alpha, Mike, Oscar, Sierra. The coordinates and data package have been sent. A civilian is on the ground; deploy strike-and-rescue ASAP.
"We'll be up in five, Agent Smith! The line cuts as Agent Smith closes out the call on his headset and rushes to the door. The normally quiet watch station buzzes alive, with personnel flooding the central command station. The background echoes resource allocation calls, frantic typing, and the hum of cold computers warming up.
"Adams, get our eyes back on Amos!"
"Coming back around in 30 seconds." Thirty sets of eyes stare at the three giant screens, anxiously waiting for the drone feed to clear the bank of trees. The camera clears the tre top to see the giant feathered grizzly rear back slinging its massive head away from its prey. Its large yellow right eye spews bright yellow liquid all over the red-haired woman and the cliff face. The giant feathered grizzly missteps, crushing the woman's leg and causing the creature to tumble over the cliff face.
"Fuck!" Agent Smith yells in horror as he watches AMOS fall four stories, impaling a sharp, 3-meter-tall log lodged in the boulders. The command center freezes wide-eyed at the flailing dying creature on screen. Agent Smith pulls his cell out quickly and dials.
"Klein, Scrub the current request! AMOS is down! Switch to rescue and harvest now!
"What, someone took out AMOS?"
"YES! It's at the bottom of the cliff, bleeding out essence! The woman is covered in it as well. Clean as much of it off her as possible before you take her to the ER.
"Understood!"
Agent Smith, in a rage, slings his phone straight forward, connecting with Private Adams's skull. Adams flinches at the sudden impact of the hard plastic and covers his head. Agent Smith grabs the table in front of him and flips it over, sending the computer equipment crashing to the government-issued tiled floor.
"A two-year cycle gone! All that essence is gone! Now I have to wait another 24 months for AMOS to resurrect!" Agent Smith screams, causing the rest of the staff to recoil away in fear.
"Jones!" Agent Smith says sternly, turning to a petite woman on his left. She stares at him, pleading.
"Yes Sir?'
"Get Officer Nichols on my office line. That fuck up has some explaining. He should have told us AMOS was awake."
"Right away!" Jones quickly sits back down and begins dialing Nichols, thankful she doesn't have to deal with Agent Smith further. The command center quickly shifts gears as Agent Smith returns to his office.
***
Two Weeks later…
"Tabitha… Tabitha… This is Doctor Wilhelm. Wake up." The kind older gentleman said as they gently nudged Tabitha in her hospital bed.
"Where am I?" Tabitha asked, waking from what felt like years of sleep. She sat up, the world still pitch black, but an odd sense of the world around her seemed to hum just behind her eyes.
"You're in the hospital, dear; you scared us. Do you remember anything?" He said as he sat down on the side of her bed.
Tabitha thought for a moment the last parts after she slashed her eyes were a blur. She remembers people yelling and the sound of two or three helicopters over her. " No, it's really all just a blur."
"Well, it's probably for the best. You had some very serious injuries. The first night, we honestly didn't think you would make it. Then…" The doctor trailed off with a concerned expression, not knowing how to explain things further.
Tabitha felt his pulse quicken somehow. She didn't understand it but fully felt or sensed the doctor beside her. She sensed the two other nurses standing at the end of the bed. Her body didn't hurt. She felt great. She felt hungry.
"Doctor, you said had. What happened to my injuries?" She said calmly, trying not to startle the old doctor further.
"Well, Tabitha, it's the closest thing to a miracle I've ever seen. You had violent seizures from the minute you hit the entrance of the ER. We couldn't even set your leg. The medications we gave you had a minimal effect, and you thrashed so much that we had to restrain you. Then, the early morning check-in found you in a deep sleep. All but your eyes were completely healed. So we switched gears to support care and treated your eyes the best we could." He said, watching her reaction.
Tabitha leaned back in her bed, taking in the wild account. "Do you know how I healed so quickly?"
"What happened to you is beyond all scientific reason. A miracle is the only way the staff and I can explain it. I know you have been through a lot, but I want to check your eyes."
"Thank you for all your help, Doctor Wilhelm." She said, sitting up in bed.
"You are most welcome, dear. Now I am going to unwrap your eye-dressing. Hold still, please." he said as he reached up and pulled on the bandage tape. Tabitha felt a quick tug and felt the bandages loosen from around her head. The doctor slowly unwrapped the bandages. The doctor's brow wrinkled as he examined the two large black scabs covering Tabitha's eyes.
"Tell me if this hurts at all, ok?"
"Yes, doctor." She relaxes as the doctor's gloved fingers pass over the scab. He pushes and gently tugs at the side of one, and it starts to lift. He pulls on the scab more, and Tabitha begins to sense the light as it hits her eyelid.
"Oh, I can sense the light, Doctor Wilhelm!" She said, smiling.
"Wonderful! Nurse Allen, please hand me some saline solution. I think a little water will loosen these right up. Hold still; this may feel cold," he said as he reached for the solution. She felt the cool liquid flush over the left eye, then the right. The scabs fell away with a gentle tug from the doctor. She could see the light shine through her eyelids. She grinned widely, happy to have some form of sight left.
"Please open your eyes for me," he said as he sat back on the bed. Tabitha slowly opened her eyes. The flood of light was almost too much, causing her to squint. After a few moments, she adjusted to the fluorescent lights. Three figures began to take shape in front of her. First, the distinguished older features of Doctor Wilhelm came into view quickly, followed by the brunette and blonde younger nurses standing at the end of the bed. Suddenly, her vision snapped into place, crisp and clear.
"I can see perfectly! This is amazing! Thank you, Doctor Wilhem!" she said, turning to look directly into his eyes, but he stared back at her unmovingly.
"Doctor Wilhelm?" she said as her expression became more worried. Doctor Wilhelm just sat staring, intensely focused on her eyes. His expression was overbearingly calm. She glanced at the nurses, rigidly staring back at her with trapped, calm expressions. Doctor Wilhelm began to twitch slightly. It traveled from the base of his spine out to his limbs, finally convulsing.
"Doctor Wilhelm, are you okay?" Tabitha yelled as the doctor began to have a seizure and fell on top of her bed.
"Help Him!" She screamed at the two nurses only to see both of them crumble to the tiled floor. One of them bashed her head off the bed frame. Tabitha recoils back from Doctor Wilhelm in terror as he starts foaming at the mouth. She climbs over the bed rail and hits the tiled concrete floor with a thud. Her adrenaline surges as she bolts for the door, looking for help.
At the entrance of her hospital room, she sees another nurse leaving the adjacent room. "Please, my doctor and staff need help!" As the male nurse turns to see Tabitha, he suddenly goes stiff before collapsing into a violent seizure, spilling his cart over with him.
"What's happening!" Tabitha screams, thinking something is in the air, or everyone has come down with something. A pair of security guards round the corner, hearing the screams and commotion.
"Ma'am, are yo-" The guard freezes mid-stride as he makes eye contact with Tabitha. Both men start to convulse and topple over, thrashing violently on the hard tile.
"No, no, no, no!" Tabitha yells as she darts into the women's bathroom, a few doors up the hall. She runs in, terrified of the situation. She approaches one of the sinks, bracing herself against the cool porcelain. Her stomach turns, and she dry heaves in the sink. She steadies herself while turning on the cold water. Leaning in, she takes a drink. As she looks up, a glint of two yellow eyes catches her. Tabitha stumbles backward on reflex. Then, she sees her reflection in the mirror. Two completely bright yellow eyes stare back at Tabitha. She screams at herself in the mirror, not feeling hungry anymore.
The end.
I will

Been set on MD/PhD for a year now, but now that I'm actually close to applying I'm rethinking everything and whether I want to apply MD only or PhD only instead, because (1) the training length is scaring me and (2) I'm scared my stats+research experience isn't enough to get in anywhere.
Here's more about me:

• Stats: 3.61 GPA, 515 (130, 126, 130, 129), URM hispanic, non-HYP Ivy college. Biomedical engineering major.
  
• Research: 2 years in immunology lab in undergrad, 1 term full time, so around 1.5k hours. Got a poster presentation at a local symposium that won best poster and my honors thesis that got high honors for this. I participated in two small remote projects before I started in this main experience: one on kidney clinical research, one humanities project on physicians and empathy. Published two fourth author papers in these small projects, but I admittedly did NOT learn too much out of the experiences and feel like admission committees will see them as irrelevant/less valuable than publications in research you actually see in your career.
  

My first gap year has been working in kidney clinical research, as I wanted to see if I wanted the MD only side of things. It has been a great experience for justifying the clinical side of things, but I came to realize that this isn't the type of research I want to be doing and would rather focus on the more basic science/translational side of things. My second gap year will be returning to the immunology/protein engineering bench research of my undergrad lab, but as a visiting researcher for a year in a immunology focused research institute in Switzerland. I think the experience is likely to appear unique and ties in to my main research interests, but unsure if I have enough experience even with that. I had talked to an advisor who criticized my research productivity. So combining my main undergraduate project with my second gap year would be at least 3k, with my smaller projects up to 3.5k.
Unsure if this also counts, but my senior engineering capstone project was creating an idea for a novel medical device to improve patient intubations. We're working on submitting a patent for it, but likely will not by the time I apply, and honestly probably not even soon enough to send it as an update within my cycle. The project sponsor is writing me a letter, however, and I put in hundreds of hours my senior year into it. Would probably up my research hours up to 3.8-3.9k if this counts.

• Clinical: Two years in my college EMS, first gap year in clinical research. Honestly, I have a ton I can talk about from my first gap year so far.
  
• Shadowing: Around 90 hours shadowing 4 specialties, no MD/PhDs though, none of the specialties that may interest me except maybe radiology.
  
• Volunteering: Around 200 hours focusing on organizing campus wide disaster relief fundraisers for my URM origin (trying to keep a bit anonymous).
  

I originally saw a flexible career with some 75/25 research clinical split focused on immunology/protein engineering research, but now I don't know, maybe there's other paths for me? Would I be better MD only? I'm very worried at the idea of having to reapply. Would I have any success PhD only?

I’m an eldest daughter from a mixed cultural background for context so… yeah.
I swear to god the second I was born my parents wanted me to be a surgeon or a doctor. I was bought science books, science themed everything as gifts etc etc. Basically forced to be a geek before I even reached school age (nothing wrong with geeks at all I still am one now hehe.) I was also forced to play violin and do classical singing and they’d constantly tell me when I reached 18 I need to join the cities symphony orchestra. So a doctor and a classical maestro….. right…
I actually had an interest in disease from a youngish age so I did eventually want to go to medical school or do a stem degree so that kept them happy but every week somewhere in convo me becoming a doctor would be brought up. My mum would also constantly make me perform music for her friends which embarrassed tf out of me.
So awesome! Parents who wanna see their kids succeed right? So what did they do to help me go to medical school?
Tutoring? No. Too expensive even when I requested extra help for maths (my weakness) my mum told me I am not getting it because I have shitty focus and it’s a waste of money.
Good grades? I got those. When I didn’t I was beaten or not allowed to eat dinner. Nevermind they never took interest in any of my schoolwork. I was expected to just do well regardlesss. My GC sister would get 20 bucks for every grade she got over a C+.
A home environment conducive for studying? With all the yelling and constant drinking and physical violence my home life was very hard to Be in. But I wasn’t allowed outside on school nights so going to a library or my friend’s house was out of the question. I really struggled to focus when my mum would burst into my room every night to yell at me for leaving a cup in the sink.
Volunteering? My parents made it known they thought I was irresponsible and stupid(??) and would never take me to anything I wanted to participate in for college credit. I didn’t even bother asking after the first few times. I’d taken interest in going on a trip to Africa to shadow a midwife for a couple weeks using money I’d saved from my cashier job and my aunt and thought this was a wonderful opportunity. My racist ass mum wouldn’t let me go because she didn’t want African men “giving me aids” which I just… I feel nauseous even typing that. I was 15.
Mental health support? A psych told my parents it was highly likely I had inattentive ADHD when I was young and instead of seeking further help which I’m sure would have been beneficial my mum decided from her expert peer reviewed research of speaking to her MLM sales friend that my behaviour of sometimes submitting homework late and dawdling in the shower was because of my diet and suddenly lactose and sugar were banned and I had to have these shake things every morning. It did nothing btw. My dad also told me he didn’t believe in that stuff and I was just not exercising enough… yeah because I wasn’t allowed to leave the house lmao.
During my exams years (11&12) my parents went through an incredibly messy divorce which obviously was hard. My dad was given custody because my mum made like 0 money and because of his work schedule and hobbies I had to feed, drive and do chores for my younger sister who really took the divorce hard. She slept in my room most nights. Despite this I somehow managed to keep my grades decent enough to where I was invited to interview for a pre-medical program in another state. My parents wouldn’t pay for flights so I couldn’t go. I applied for a biomedical science degree in my state and got accepted and decided to go there instead. The minute I got the acceptance letter my parents were pressuring me to move out (16) and so I did. No help in any way shape or form I moved 4 hours away. For years they constantly shamed me and called me lazy whenever I brought up my studies because it wasn’t medicine. I said it Wasn’t too late to attend medical school it was just far too expensive for me to pay for (we don’t do loans in my country) and they just shrugged.
I haven’t talked to them in nearly a decade and this still grinds me. How the hell did they expect me to get into medical school and go with no money and no support of any kind (emotional, physical etc.) and then shame me for not going.
Nothing I ever achieved was good enough. My classical music got me many awards and they would still put immense pressure to the point where as soon as I could I quit. I got diagnosed with ADHD last year and have since been medicated and man.. the difference in my focus is night and day. I feel it’s important to note neither of my parents even finished high school lol.
DAE experience the pressure to be a prodigy with no parental guidance?

currently finished my freshman year of undergrad (BS in biology) and am on summer break. just wanted to see if I'm on the right track in terms of ECs, grades, etc and any recommendations for what i can do over the summer and next year to continue building a solid med school app.
grades: 4.0 GPA in both fall and spring semesters, just taking most of my pre-reqs
clinical: scribe in ENT office (~ 10 months, 2 full days a week), expanding into other specialties (internal med, rheumatology, etc.)
volunteering: intern at free medical/dental clinic (every weekend ~4-5 hours), hospice volunteer (every weekend ~2-3 hours)
research: probably where i lack the most - training in a research lab, still learning different experiments/techniques (~4-5 hours, 2x a week), will be participating in a summer research program though from june-august through well-known biotech company, one paper published (from high school research)
clubs/hobbies: recently became president of a club that provides emotional support to hospitalized children (make activity kits, volunteer in hospitals, etc), indian classical singing (~12 years, performed in several prestigious venues in the us)
open to any advice/tips on areas where i can improve and how. also, should i start looking into the MCAT and begin studying or wait till i finish all the pre-reqs?
thank you in advance!!

Hi there. Been occasionally glancing at this place for a while and decided I may as well try my luck.
I’m two years on from getting Ramsay Hunt Syndrome: Shingles in my ear that damaged my 7th cranial nerve and paralyzed the left side of my face. Took almost 3 months to start feeling movement and two years on I’m at about 80-85% healed. Two years is supposed to be essentially the cut off, as what you have then is essentially how much you’re gonna heal. My smile is pretty crooked, I can’t blink all the way still,
Unfortunately there’s also een two problems on top of that: Gross negligence from doctors in the initial stages of the illness going at everything from a “you’ll be fine it’ll heal” approach meant by the time we realized it was more serious most of the things we could do medically were no longer options. And with more sever facial nerve damage a complication on top of the weakness also occurs: synkinesis. Which going along with the theme none of the plethora of doctors warned me about either to work on prevention. Shocking for American healthcare I know. The shingles damage my inner ear so I was bed bound for the first month and a half with horrible vertigo and could barely sit up without vomiting, so I could particularly do much on my own either.
I managed to find a physical therapist that specializes in facial palsy on YouTube, you sent me to an ENT who specializes in facial plastics. And they’ve been helpful. I’ve been getting Botox from the doc that helps calm some of the overactivity, got a DAO myectomy, and physical therapy is helping a smidge so far, but I’m pretty desperate to get some more function back and frankly I will try anything and everything. Just want to be able to smile for pictures and not feel like my face is warped andhave some better function with things like eating, speaking, blinking. It’s been utterly brutal on my mental health.
I’ve been learning anything and everything I can about it, but again, doctors have been completely useless and even things I’ve read in studies that have been said to help are just being tossed aside because they “don’t work”. Doc is even refusing to give me an eyelid weight sticker to help with eye closure, which baffles me as it’s a sticker and if it doesn’t work I can take it off and toss it.
I’ve found some alternative treatments by both facial nerve specialists and stuff in studies. Unfortunately money is tight and barely anything related to the paralysis is covered by insurance, and any place that does anything for it is spread all around the country on top of it all, so I’m trying to do my due diligence to make sure I’m using my resources wisely. Only other procedure my doc mentioned is a selective neurectomy, cutting nerves that inhibit motion in my face and that could cost well into the $100k range, and is only cutting nerves to place that are inhibiting correct motion so it seems like a last resort.
I’ve found stem cell/prp studies, which seemed promising. But very little info on them and the place I’ve spoken to said a lot of things I have zero clue about. There’s a version of acupuncture called synkineedling but that’s only from a nerve center the other side of the country in Maryland. There’s cold laser therapy, which I can’t find a place that does it up in the PNW that isn’t just for beauty purposes.
Aside from the paralysis/synkinesis as well I have hearing loss, occasional dizziness, and neuropathy thats especially a pain in the ass by my ear and the back of my head (seems like where another nerve goes), that is like to address. As well as preventing another outbreak of shingles that could make everything even worse. Stem cell clinic suggested ozone treatments to try and wipe out any remnants of an active infection but man I have zero clue about any of that. My main goal is to tackle the facial paralysis but any suggestions for the rest of the conditions caused by all that would be amazing too.
Sorry for the wall of text, but there’s my current situation. I will take any sort of suggestions and do whatever and from reading a bunch from this place a lot of y’all seem to at least know some avenues to look into. I’d really appreciate anything y’all got to help push me in the right direction.

i’m gonna be applying as a community college transfer this upcoming fall so i’m trying to gauge where i have a chance at going to
major: - neuroscience and chemistry double major
demographics: - first gen - pakistani - low income - single parent - from socal - graduated a year early from high school (took the chspe) - have a lung condition that caused me to be hospitalized twice in my junior year of high school and continues to cause me to miss out on school and need more rest than most people
stats:

• high school gpa: ≈ 3.8 (unweighted) and ≈ 4.5 (weighted)
• college gpa: 3.91

ecs: - in high school i took dual enrollment classes at the community college i’m currently at, got around 40 credits done in high school - at my high school i was the co-head of my school’s newspaper in my final year there, as well as a page designer and copy editor during my freshman and sophomore years - doing a summer internship for medical device development research and design at keck graduate institute and obtaining a certificate in medical device prototyping at the end of it - doing an internship at thinkneuro which is a neuroscience research internship that concludes with a research poster symposium - worked at a local mathnasium for over a year as a tutor for students K-12 in classes up to integrated math 2/algebra 2 - gonna start working at my community college’s STEM success center in the fall where i’ll be tutoring gen chem 1 & 2 alongside calc 2 and 3 - part of my school’s honors program where i’ve written 2 research papers on neuroscience that are around 20 pages long and got to present one at my school’s annual research conference - design handmade jewelry (planning to open up a small business over the summer) - learn languages in my free time (learned hindi and urdu in my childhood from my parents, and then learned french, spanish, and portuguese on my own. im considering taking the seal of biliteracy test for spanish since it’s my strongest foreign language. also, english isn’t my first language; started learning english when i was 5) - psychological first aid certification - learned python, matlab, and javascript by myself - planning to start a club at my school in the fall addressing the lack of stem education in elementary schools and organizing events with local schools to teach them science in a fun manner via experiments and after school activities - volunteer as a translator and transcriber for ted talks in english and spanish
schools im applying to:
ucsd
uci*
ucla*
uc berkeley
usc
scripps college*
pitzer college*
pomona college*
stanford
caltech
*my school’s honors program has affiliations with these schools

Developing a new technique to regenerate the hair cells of the inner ear requires integrating several innovative approaches and leveraging recent advances in biotechnology. Here’s a detailed proposal for an integrated technique that could work:

🌟 Integrated Hair Cell Regeneration Technique (IHCRT)

1. Selection and Preparation of Stem Cells

• Use of Induced Pluripotent Stem Cells (iPSCs): Collect somatic cells (e.g., skin fibroblasts) from the patient to generate iPSCs.
• Directed Differentiation: Guide iPSCs toward a hair cell lineage using a specific cocktail of growth and signaling factors.

2. Genomic Modification with CRISPR-Cas9

• Precise Genomic Editing: Use CRISPR-Cas9 to insert regeneration-promoting genes, such as Atoh1, into differentiated cells.
• Gene Regulation: Introduce regulatory systems to activate or repress target genes in a controlled manner (e.g., using doxycycline-inducible systems).

3. Bioengineering and Biomimetic Scaffolds

• Biomimetic Scaffolds: Design biodegradable polymer scaffolds that mimic the extracellular matrix of the inner ear to support hair cell growth.
• Integration of Growth Factors: Impregnate scaffolds with growth factors (such as BDNF and NT-3) to promote the survival and maturation of hair cells.

4. Nano-Delivery System

• Functionalized Nanoparticles: Use nanoparticles to deliver genes, growth factors, and other necessary compounds directly to the inner ear cells.
• Encapsulation and Controlled Release: Nanoparticles encapsulate therapeutic materials and release them in a controlled manner within the inner ear for maximum efficacy.

5. Implantation and Integration

• Minimally Invasive Microsurgery: Use microsurgical techniques to implant scaffolds and genetically modified cells into the cochlea.
• Monitoring and Tracking: Implement biological sensors to monitor the progress of integration and hair cell regeneration in real-time.

💡 Implementation Steps

Step 1: Preparation of iPSCs

1. Harvesting Somatic Cells: Collect skin cells from the patient.
2. Reprogramming into iPSCs: Use reprogramming factors (like OCT4, SOX2, KLF4, c-MYC) to generate iPSCs.

Step 2: Differentiation and Genomic Editing

1. Differentiation of iPSCs: Apply a cocktail of growth factors to direct iPSCs to differentiate into hair cell lineage.
2. CRISPR-Cas9: Use CRISPR-Cas9 to insert Atoh1 and other regeneration-promoting genes.

Step 3: Bioengineering Scaffolds

1. Designing Scaffolds: Create biodegradable polymer scaffolds.
2. Integrating Growth Factors: Impregnate scaffolds with BDNF, NT-3, and other necessary growth factors.

Step 4: Nano-Targeted Delivery System

1. Nanoparticles: Develop nanoparticles to encapsulate and deliver therapeutic materials.
2. Controlled Release: Adjust nanoparticle properties for controlled, targeted release.

Step 5: Implantation and Monitoring

1. Surgical Implantation: Use microsurgery to implant scaffolds and cells into the cochlea.
2. Monitoring: Use biological sensors to monitor hair cell regeneration and integration in real-time.

🚀 Advantages of IHCRT

1. Personalization: Using the patient’s own cells to avoid immune rejection.
2. Efficacy: Combining multiple advanced technologies to maximize hair cell regeneration.
3. Safety: Minimizing risks through targeted and controlled approaches.

Conclusion

The IHCRT proposes an integrated, multidisciplinary approach to regenerate hair cells in the inner ear. By combining stem cell biology, genomic editing, bioengineering, and nanotechnology delivery systems, this technique could offer a promising solution for treating hearing loss due to hair cell degeneration. Rigorous research and clinical trials will be essential to validate and refine this approach before it can be widely applied in clinical practice.

Trigger warning: This post may trigger some STEM doctoral students.
In this subreddit, I often read complaints about toxic principal investigators and horrible lab conditions from STEM doctoral students. Many of us in humanities, education, and social sciences doctoral programs never experience those conditions. In some ways, we endure worse conditions. Because our research usually is not part of a PI's overall research agenda and funding, we often struggle alone to put together a theoretically rigorous dissertation that our committees would approve. We often struggle to get funding to facilitate our data collection and analyses.
Mind you, I do not claim that getting a doctorate in a STEMs field is easy. I assume it is not. But struggling through a non-STEM doctoral program can be worse.
Self-direction is key. We cannot blame lazy lab partners or a toxic PI if we do not complete a chapter or get papers published. Often our advisors are hands off. Mentorship is a nice fantasy for many of us.
For many of us in the humanities, education, and social sciences, a doctoral program is fraught with isolation and self-doubt. We cannot even blame our advisors, because we are expected to be proactive and self-directed after we complete coursework. As I mentioned above, we cannot blame lazy lab partners or toxic PIs. We are expected to be our own labs. We are expected to create and test methodologies on our own.
And we usually do not have six-figure industry or academic positions waiting for us after the ordeal. In fact, many of us waste years in a low-paying adjunct hell. Some of us never get out of that hell.
TLDR: There are worse things than lazy lab partners and toxic PIs. Almost any humanities, education, and social sciences doctoral student can tell you just how bad it can get.

Hey everyone, I need guidance, please! I'm a Southern candidate with average stats who would LOVE to get to the East Coast, though I'm worried about defeating the Southern bias to win a spot. I have time to make actionable changes to my resume so I'd really appreciate your advice.
Mainly: how to puff up my research section as I know that is the big differentiator for these schools.
SO... What holes or concerns can you help me identify in my application?
Brief history: I graduated with dual degrees in political science/public relations (GPA 3.89) from Alabama. Worked in marketing/communications for 3 years before realizing my calling. Doing my pre-req work at UAB (ranked #35 by US News list.) I'm lucky to have this strong program in my backyard and counting on name recognition of UAB in the industry.
Eyeing: Duke, UNC, UVA, Dartmouth, Georgetown, Tufts, Vandy, Boston, Emory, etc. (welcome any recommendations)
Stats:

• GPAS
  • 3.89 undergrad GPA (dual degree) (#1 PR program in the country & was a very involved PR major)
  • 4.00 anticipated post-bacc sGPA (upward trend!)
• MCAT: Anticipate 515 - 520(good test taker & strong science performer)
• Personal Statement: Great persuasive writer and unique story that traces a passion for public service from me as a child to now, overcoming adversity (specifically family emotional trauma, misogyny towards women in STEM, late learning disorder diagnosis) and connects my virtues to strengths as a practicing physician (hands-on, empathy and equity in treatment, resiliency, positive attitude, team player, etc.)
• Clinical Experience: ED Med Scribe, potential geriatric home health aid, potential clinic technician (neurosurgery, derm clinics)
• Volunteering:
  • Medical: Childrens hospital surgery recovery aide
  • Non-Medical: Board of directors for founding new charter school, Big Brothers Big Sisters Big, Autistic Children's early ed center junior board,
• Shadowing: Will likely break 300 by matriculation, across EM, IM, ID and Surgery mainly
• Leadership:
  • Chemistry TA
  • Physician Scientist Development Course TA (shadowing experience course run by the md/phd program at UAB for undergrads considering healthcare)
• Mon-Medical Work experience: 2 years working in corporate marketing for an Inc. 5000 company. Part of a 2 person marketing team for 20,000+ employee team. Left to be parttime waitress/scribe/clinic technician (so I have more time to accomplish my post bacc)
• LOR:
  • Strong letter from super respected MD/PHD
  • Strong letter from impressive undergrad PR professor (used to be VP at IBM)
  • Strong letter from the President of my corporate work experience
  • Super strong letter from Gen. Chem. Professor
  • Working on letter from a practicing physician - trying to decide who would be most impactful.
• Research experience
  • Unpaid research volunteer on an R1 grant through the school of nutrition, Nutrition PHD run not MD (does this matter, do I need to get on an MD run program?)
  • No pubs/papers yet (how can I pursue this is I'm not on projects? Can I do my own research and submit to journals? NEED HELP HERE PLEASE)
  • Will apply to school's summer research programs next summer (will be too late to get LOR from programs as I'll be applying in June, but hoping the anticipated completion will make an impact.)

If you're still here, bless you, and I'd love to connect to hear your story! Thank you to everyone in this community for your support. I get so much motivation knowing we're all out here grinding to make an impact in the system.

Hi y‘all
I am completely new to MB and just did some research before taking any fabric dye…
As I learned if something is too good to be true, it rarely is. So I googled and read papers for hours and really couldn‘t find a lot of side effects when dosing in an adequate range like 1-2mg/kg-bodyweight.
However I couldn‘t find any papers/researches about human trials when dozing for a longer period as some papers state that the exclude such tests as normally it‘s not used for a longer time (eg antidot / Methemoglobinemia)..
So I extended my search and came across this study from Brenda J Gehrke; https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/drugsatfda_docs/nda/2016/204630Orig1s000PharmR.pdf
Which states the following;
Several genetic toxicology studies were conducted by NTP or the Applicant. Methylene blue was genotoxic in three assays (Ames test, in vitro sister chromatid exchange test and an in vitro chromosomal aberration test in CHO cells) and negative for micronucleus induction in animals. Based on these results, methylene blue has the potential to be carcinogenic. For acquired methemoglobinemia, carcinogenicity studies are not required due to the short term administration of the drug. However, as the studies were conducted by NTP and the reports were submitted to the NDA, they have been reviewed by Dr. Gehrke and the results discussed at the Executive Carcinogenicity Assessment Committee. Methylene blue caused pancreatic islet adenomas or carcinomas (combined) in male rats in the 2-year oral carcinogenicity study.

On page 88 and ff they go in more detail and the study is really interesting as they did a lot of tests on various blood cells/ body weight/ etc.. However, their lowest dose is 5mg/kg and I read about taking around 1-2mg/kg for humans.. but actually I am not sure now, if we just will get cancer from MB over the years..
Any researchers here to interpret the study as I am just a layman 😂

Coconut oil contains monolaurin, which has been linked to potent antiviral and antifungal effects. But how does monolaurin kill viruses, bacteria, and fungi?
What is monolaurin?
Monolaurin is a naturally occurring compound that belongs to a class of chemicals known as monoglycerides. It’s derived from lauric acid, a medium-chain-fatty acid found abundantly in coconut oil and human breast milk. Although monolaurin can be extracted from natural sources, many dietary supplements contain chemically synthesized monolaurin, created by reacting lauric acid with glycerol or glycerin.
“Certain fatty acids and monoglycerides, including lauric acid and monolaurin, are powerful antimicrobial agents,” explains Dr. Berg. “Virgin coconut oil has been used as a medicinal food to manage and prevent viral and bacterial infections for hundreds of years.”
In addition, monolaurin is a natural preservative that can play a role in food safety. Because of its antibacterial and antifungal properties, monolaurin inhibits the growth of certain microbes linked to food-borne illnesses.
How does monolaurin work?
Monolaurin is classified as a monoglyceride, a simple lipid that readily attaches to other lipid structures, including the membrane surrounding viruses. By binding to lipid-enveloped viruses, monolaurin directly inhibits the normal functioning of viral particles. This disruption can prevent the virus from entering host cells and replicating, ultimately inhibiting its ability to spread and cause infection. In addition, monolaurin has been found to enhance the immune response against enveloped RNA and DNA viruses. These types of viruses are responsible for various infectious diseases, including respiratory infections, sexually transmitted diseases, hepatitis, and some types of cancers.
Benefits of monolaurin
Monolaurin is considered a natural remedy within the realm of alternative medicine, where it’s valued for its potential antimicrobial properties and immune-supporting effects. In addition to its impressive antiviral effects, monolaurin displays potent antimicrobial properties that are effective against various other pathogenic microorganisms, including bacteria, fungi, and yeasts.

Antiviral

The antiviral effects of monolaurin have been extensively researched. According to a study published in Food Research, monolaurin has demonstrated potent antiviral properties against various classes of viruses, including:

• Herpes simplex virus
• Influenza virus
• Avian influenza virus
• Arbovirus (yellow fever)
• Coronavirus
• Zika virus

Much of this research has focused on monolaurin’s in vitro effects, meaning that it's been studied in laboratory settings rather than in living organisms. However, this data does provide valuable insights into monolaurin's antiviral potential. Interestingly, research published in the Journal of Nutritional Science found that the consumption of coconut oil, a rich source of monolaurin, supported rapid relief of COVID-19 symptoms.
The authors concluded, “This study bolsters the use of coconut oil as an effective adjunct therapy for COVID-19-positive patients showing mild-to-moderate symptoms.”
Antibacterial
In addition to its antiviral properties, monolaurin has also been found to be a highly effective natural remedy to manage and prevent bacterial infections. Because monolaurin is a lipid structure, it can bind to and interact with the cell membrane of bacteria. This can puncture bacterial cell walls, leading to leaks and loss of cellular functionality, eventually triggering bacterial cell death.
Data published by the American Oil Chemists Society (AOCS) found that monolaurin compounds were effective at inhibiting various strains of gram-positive bacteria, a group of microbes associated with a wide range of infectious diseases. Gram-positive bacteria include Staphylococcus, Streptococcus, Salmonella, and Clostridium. These harmful microbes are known for causing a wide range of infections in humans, such as pneumonia, skin infections, food poisoning, and diarrhea.
Monolaurin may also benefit oral and gastrointestinal health if used topically as a mouthwash. A study published in the Journal of Physiology and Pharmacology found that a monolaurin-containing oral rinse effectively eradicated Helicobacter pylori. This bacterial strain is linked to inflammation of the stomach lining, ulcers, and stomach cancer.

Antifungal

Similarly to its antiviral and antibacterial activity, monolaurin can disrupt the cell membranes of fungi, which inhibits fungal growth and triggers cell death. In addition, monolaurin has been found to strengthen the immune system by enhancing the ability of immune cells to detect and destroy infectious yeast and fungal species.
Research published in Biological and Pharmaceutical Bulletin suggests that monolaurin is effective in the prevention and management of Candida albicans, a fungal species linked to oral thrush and vaginal yeast infections. Monolaurins' potent antimicrobial properties may explain why topical coconut oil application has been used for centuries as a natural remedy to manage fungal skin infections such as athlete's foot and ringworm.

Sources of monolaurin

Monolaurin is derived through the enzymatic conversion of lauric acid, which is naturally abundant in coconut oil and breast milk. Research published in ChemBioEng Reviews suggests that lauric acid comprises around 50 percent of the fatty acids in extra virgin coconut oil, making it one of the best dietary sources of monolaurin.
Certain fermented foods, such as yogurt and cheese, can also contain monolaurin. However, these foods typically don’t provide enough monolaurin to have significant therapeutic effects. In addition, monolaurin is available as a dietary supplement typically produced by extracting and purifying monolaurin from natural sources rich in lauric acid, such as coconut oil.

Dosage

The best monolaurin dosage depends on its intended use, your overall health status, and the specific formulation of the supplement. If you are taking monolaurin as a preventative measure to reduce the risk of microbial infections, a typical dosage ranges between 300 and 600 milligrams daily.
However, short periods of significantly higher monolaurin dosages of up to 1,800 milligrams per day may be necessary to manage acute infections. It’s also advised to start with a lower dose and gradually increase monolaurin intake to minimize the risk of side effects such as gastrointestinal issues and sensitivities.
Although monolaurin is generally well tolerated, it can interact with certain drugs, including blood thinners. If you are taking prescription medications or have underlying health issues, it’s vital to consult a healthcare provider to discuss the use of monolaurin.