total clickbait. Jess and Chris swapped Addie between them because Chris had to go to the airport to pick up or drop off his kids. the not our usual part is because Jess and Chris kissed.
They are recovering from Mother's Day. They had such a fun Mother's Day this year. Jess didn’t vlog it. Their inflatable water slide was a hit.
Jess doesn’t recommend not paying close attention when you are dealing with something on a hot stove. Jess wanted a barbie inspired pool party for mothers day. It was her, her kids(including Tommy) and a couple friends. They had so much fun. Everything was all pink. They had pink foods, Jess made a pink pasta salad, and she wanted to make pink popcorn. Everything was going great and going smooth. Jess, Addie and Ayla were making hot syrup on the stove to pour over the popcorn. As Jess poured it over the popcorn and stirred at the same time, the liquid poured directly onto her finger and caused a second degree burn. It hurts so bad. It is completely blistered up. That is not the only injury that happened. One of the kids opened a drawer in their refrigerator and Honey jumped up to get a big piece of cheese. Honey grabbed the cheese and started running with it. Jess chased after Honey because the cheese still had the plastic on it. Honey was running in a circle. Jess stubbed her toe. (That is the lamest “running” i have ever seen in my life. More like calmly walking. Jess acted like she broke her toe.) Toes are her worst fear. Jess swears she seriously broke it. Talia stubbed her toe as well but in a completely different scenario. (Why are we getting a play by play of every single injury that happened that day? Why not just say they had a great time and leave it at that?) A few of the kids went down by going down the slide the wrong way a few times. It was so much fun but also a disaster. The kids all got Jess different things. Addie made a card and her card was super funny. It said happy mothers day i love you because i do. In addition Addie asked Chris for 20$ and put it in a money holder and specified that Jess deserved to do something for herself. Jess told Addie that she didn’t have to give her money. The thought of it was so sweet. Kaden made a ceramic minnie mouse. However it broke on the way home from school. Jess is going to try to glue it back together. It was the thought that counts. The younger the kids are, the more things they make at school. Addie made a jar that says “I know sometimes your job is hard. When that happens, draw a slip from this jar to remind you why I love you so much. Place it back in the jar when you're done.” It has a picture of Addie on it. One of the slips says I love you because you take me to the movies. Another says i love you because you take me to target. A third one says I love you because you got me a dog. A fourth one says i love you because you take me to cheer. (ok these are all things Addie gets out of Jess. Why not put down things regarding the qualities of Jess? Things Addie does for Jess? I can’t imagine my relationships with others being so focused on material things.) It is so cute. A fifth one says I love you because you love me. That one is Jess’s favorite. Jess will be keeping this jar forever and pulling the notes out when she is 70. Jess got herself a little something. Casetify got her something. Jess has had the same phone case since she got the phone. Jess decided that it is time for an upgrade and that she deserves an upgrade. Those are the only cases she trusts. Her phone has seen some serious brutal times. Jess is loving the purple theme this year. She is in love with the shade of purple on her phone case. She got another phone case that says what is meant for you will not pass you and what has passed you was not meant for you. It is beautiful but the real reason she sticks with casetify phone cases is because of how durable they are. Jess doesn’t feel like she needs to elaborate on that because it speaks for itself. Jess is going to stick with the wordy case but is going to try the purple one. The shade of purple is really nice. Purple is kind of her thing at the moment. Jess is going to take a break from the purple because she has had the other purple one for so long. The case is giving summer, positive vibes, good energy and she is here for it. She has a top picks page. Her favorites are hard to narrow down because they have so many collections.
Jess feels like they are doing a custody drop off. Chris took Addie to cheer because Jess had to finish a few things at home. They are doing a swap off. They were waiting in the parking lot for Jess to get there. Jess is taking the next shift because Chris has to go to the airport for a real custody drop off/pick up. Addie isn’t quite done with dance yet. Whenever her kids change sports they have to finish out the season. Addie still has 2 more weeks of dance until her recital. It will be her last one unless she decides to go back to dance one day. Jess doesn’t know what happened but there was a sudden switch. It was when Addie started taking official cheer classes that she decided that she wants to do cheer and nothing else. Addie loves it and looks forward to it every day. In the meantime Addie is doing both cheer and dance. It is a packed schedule but they are almost done with dance. Kyson, Kaden and Landen have soccer tryouts today. They are already part of the club but there are tryouts for new people to come to their team. They have a weird schedule. They are spending most of the day on the field today. Jess wants to go and check in.
They had 30 minutes to kill so they went to a pet store. They needed to get a few things for their pets anyway. Addie wanted to go to the reptile store to hold a snake. Jess doesn’t know why but Honey will not eat her food. Jess has tried so many different kinds. Honey always goes for the cat food. They have to hide the cat food. Someone suggested to lift the food. Jess and Addie decided that when Addie gets her own room she wants a fish. Addie would be the one to take care of it. Addie is an animal lover. Either fish or a snake. Maybe both.
Jess has not been to a sonic since high school. Jess and Talia ran into each other at dance drop off and decided to go to sonic. Talia has never been and Jess hasn’t been since high school. Talia wanted to try the dirty coke. Jess didn’t know what that was. It is a thing in utah. They have a place called swig. That is where all of the utah moms go because they can’t have coffee. They have a swig which is a dirty coke. Sonic doesn’t have apple pay. Jess saved Talia’s life. The dirty coke is pretty. They didn’t even fill it.( Yes they did, just not all the way to the top.) The dirty coke is nice and refreshing. It tastes like a pina colada. It is kind of like a rootbeer float. The tea is horrible. The Utah girls will start off their tik toks going into a 7/11 and filling up their stanley’s.
A car hit the fence during soccer practice. There were hecka cops over there. Cheer, dance and soccer is done. Kyson is home and sad that he couldn’t come. It wasn’t important for him to come but typically you come to tryouts even though you are already on the team. Kyson is injured so he is taking it easy. He feels a lot better. He is tempted to come and play but that is how you re injure yourself. Kyson is walking all right. It still hurts but he is doing normal activities for the most part. Jess is having Kyson take it easy so that it doesn’t become a life long injury. Landen had his practice earlier today. Kaden got done with his practice. They are going to head home. It is 8pm and Addie hasn’t even been home today. Jess is on a kick trying not to eat fast food. They definitely still are here and there. For a while it was too easy to make it a daily thing. That is not good for anybody. They put a stop to that and eat at home 90% of the time.
Jess gets questions daily about linking certain things in her videos and posts. Honey is playing with Nova. They have recently become the best of friends. Jess has always been bad about linking things when people ask for links. She tries to remember. She has been trying to be more on top of it. The worst thing is to see something online and then not being able to find it. Jess started a ltk. You can post a picture or video and link everything in the picture or video. Jess has also been using her amazon storefront.

Hi! This is going to be a long one/rant and story because I really don’t know who to talk to about this in real life because I’m not in therapy and I’m so embarrassed to be feeling this way knowing I made all the choices to be here and people are already flying in from out of state to come to our wedding. Also I’m diagnosed adhd incase any of yall are wondering what’s wrong with me once I tell you all the decisions I made to get here. I am getting married in three months and have a son who is 15 months old. My now fiance 28m and I 27f met whenever we were thirteen years old in middle school and started a tumultuous up and down / on and off again relationship. We were together all the way up until junior year in high school and we broke up. I come from a broken home and he does not. Looking back I realize how much of me staying with him and trying to keep his attention stemmed from my abandonment issues that I must have had from my own parents. After we broke up he joined a gang in my local hometown and I was still in love with him so I decided to still be involved with him even though I was not in a relationship with him. I ended up losing my virginity to him while we were not together just because I wanted to be with him and we said we were friends with benefits but really I was just in love with him and thought by doing that maybe he would want to be with me again but he didn’t and continued to sleep with other girls and do drugs. I also started doing drugs like Xanax and smoking to fit in with him and be cool. I ended up getting a horrible tattoo because one of the other girls he was also seeing had a bunch of tattoos. I dropped out of my high school college courses and ended up going to jail for marijuana in high school and got kicked out of cheer and softball. I ended up on probation and having to be drug tested for a year. Within that year after being heart broken and realizing nothing I did would make him change into who he was before he got involved in our local gang or make him want to be with me… I ended up enrolling in college and getting accepted to a university where I would move about two hours away from our home town to live on campus and study to be a nurse. While on probation, so I couldn’t really party or anything in college which was good (even though I was never really addicted to anything and it wouldn’t be that hard for me) I wanted to save money for a car so I ended up getting a job at the hooters next to my college and was in college full time and working at hooters. My sister happened to go to that same college before I did and live in that town with her ex bf and they would give me rides to and from work back to campus. Low and behold after about two semesters of me being in college and finally feeling like I was moving on from him, he came back messaging me and telling me he missed me and wanted to be with me again. I was stupid and so excited that I agreed and asked him to come see me at college where he would stay for the weekend and we would have an amazing time. I felt so good about myself doing what I was doing and being able to show my growth. Despite all that he was still able to convince me to leave school and come back to be with him and live with him and go to the college near our hometown and work at the hooters near our hometown. I had already felt like I didn’t want to be a nurse at the time because my sister who was a nurse told me you could never leave the state as a nurse if you get your license there (which she didn’t know at the time that you could) and I knew I didn’t want to stay where I was from and wanted to eventually travel. So I decided to leave and move back with him in his bedroom at his parents house where I would work at the hooters close to our home town and never enroll in the college. He would eventually break up with me while I was at work one day even though I was living with him and since I didn’t have a car he continued to take me back in forth from work and I continued to live with him and continued to be in love with him while he committed to the fact that he didn’t want to be in a relationship but wanted to marry me one day and just wasn’t ready for anything right now and still wanted to have sex with me which I did. From working at hooters I had auditioned for the calendar and ended up being really liked by the photographer and started doing some modeling from that which was super exciting for me because I always was interested in that and the pictures we took would blow up and I started getting well known in my area for modeling even though they were just pictures and I wasn’t making any money off of it. Eventually a guy came into hooters telling me about working as an exotic dancer and how much they could make and I still needed a car really badly and was desperate to get out of my ex’s (now fiance) house. So I told him I would be waitressing and that I heard the waitresses make good money there and asked him to give me a ride there one day and so he started giving me a ride everyday. The money was so good to me and the most money I had ever seen. I ended up staying in a hotel closer to the club I worked at and sometimes he would come stay with me and I would just uber to work. Eventually I had gotten a car which I was so happy about. A couple of weeks after I got a car I ended up getting sucked into human trafficking with a friend where I would live in a house with multiple girls for 6 months and go to work at the club every day of the week except Saturday and Sundays. I wasn’t doing anything extra just dancing but the money was going to some random guy. It’s crazy I know. I was stupid and young and my family were not concerned for me at all or involved in my life. unfortunately my friend is just now leaving that situation. I got out without anything no car or nothing and had nowhere to go so back to my exes I went where I decided I was going to buy a cash car again and I worked everyday like I was used to saved money and got a car. Moved to my sisters and stayed with her for a little where i decided I didn’t want to dance anymore and I got a job as a bottle service girl and then waitressing at another waitress. I continued modeling because it made me happy and I never told anyone the truth about the deep things that were happening in my life except for my now fiance. So nobody had no idea about me dancing or the human trafficking or anything. Everyone just knew I modeled. I ended up getting an apartment with some friends and One day I got the urge to go to California randomly and at my waitressing job I was handed $800 and I took it as a sign and booked a flight the next day. Where I went by myself my first time ever on a flight with no plans at all. The day I got there I got asked to be in a commercial two days later. My roommate and her friends flew out there to get me and she ended up being able to be in the commercial with me which ended up on tbs but I had to go back home to my apartment and responsibilities and couldn’t leave my roommate stranded. Even though months later we would end up getting in an argument and I’d move out and move back with my ex (now fiance) where I would continue to work and model (for free) and went back to the club to dance and then my sister ended up going to California for a travel nursing assignment and her and her bf broke up and she asked me to move with her. I had nothing else here, my ex was still saying he didn’t want to be in a relationship, he was consistently sleeping with other girls while we lived together and expected relationship things from me. I was paying for everything for him. I paid for him while he was in school for audio engineer, his gas, lunch, school clothes, shopping, I helped him open his own studio and bought his equipment and Mac for it, even though his parents were very involved in his life. I got all his family bday gifts and Christmas gifts every year. He was honestly just using me but I was so in love and blind. He encouraged me to go to California too so I had nothing else there for me, if he had told me to stay and he wanted to be with me I would’ve. I flew out on my 21st birthday and met my sister and Vegas where we would have such a great time and my ex spent that day hanging out with a girl that tried to fight me and didn’t even tell me happy birthday, I was crying in the bathroom in Vegas until my sister shook me and told me to get it together we’re in Vegas. I was so heart broken to be leaving him but he didn’t care. I got to LA and I instantly started modeling on day one I booked a photo shoot where I met a guy that reminded me of my ex (I know) but we instantly clicked and he was 7 years older than me. We ended up talking for a little bit and pursuing something even though I wasn’t ready emotionally but he didn’t really care and I was kind of star struck a little because he was a music producer for a very famous musician and he was very persistent but that’s another story. I ended up booking a music video as a main girl for my ex’s (now fiance) favorite artist. When it came out it was crazy because I felt like the universe and God was just blessing me for leaving that situation and I knew he would see it because he was so obsessed with that artist and it shook up the whole small town I was from. After that I booked a lot of cool jobs like Sephora and worked with a lot of companies, and did some music videos for other super famous artists, and walked in fashion shows and modeled for clothing brands etc. I was working all the time as an extra to pay my bills and I was meeting cool people. I was always getting invited to celebrities parties and just having such a fun time. I decided to start getting into acting instead and started going to acting school where a lot of well known celebrities also went to and I started having meetings with very popular directors and I was being mentored by famous directors and another person that created an tv entertainment channel that I won’t say here also mentored me a lot and got me a lot of meetings with these people and would go to dinners and stuff etc with a list celebrities. I truly was living the life. And coming from where I can it was almost a dream. I had gotten in a relationship my first year there with that other guy I mentioned who ended up being super possessive of me but he treated me like a queen in the sense of paying for everything, giving me a safe space to tell my feelings, open up, the sex was amazing, he would take me on trips, took me out of the country for the first time. We ended up not working out due to lifestyle differences and just being at two different places and wanting different things. He wanted to move out of the country and have a farm and I wasn’t ready to do that as I wanted to focus on my career. (But I would die to move out of the country on a farm now ironically and he is doing just that now like he said he would haha) anyway, I ended up having my own studio apartment by myself that I loved so much and was so proud of. My sister had moved to Montana and it took a lot for me to get my apartment like staying in a house with other girls for a little to sleeping in my car and at a spa for a couple days. When I would fly home or drive home to see my family I would always see my ex, everytime. We kept a friendship and sometimes I would still help him out if needed, he was interning at a church through his school for audio engineering and recording people at his studio in our hometown. By this time I was going to New York and Miami also sometimes and doing work there. I wasn’t as stressed about bills anymore. I was seeing guys every now and then but not at all interested in a relationship, my heart was still healing from the past and both my exes but mainly my first (now fiance). I was super focused on my career and optimistic, I was used to the grind and in no way ever thinking of quitting. It just wasn’t an option because I knew I would make it wherever that would be because to me that is all I had for me and all I ever knew I wanted and the only thing that saved me. Skip to around October 2019 I had found out about a girl my ex was seeing and it crushed me. He was doing with her just like he was with me though. Just “friends with benefits” I was living in my apartment in LA still and my uncle that helped raise me was getting really sick back home and put on hospice so I decided to take a trip back to see him. I would go to restaurants in my state and near my home town and people would ask to take pictures with me, and at the little ceasars drive through someone asked if I was me and stuff it was crazy because I hadn’t been home in awhile and I felt like what I was doing was finally paying off and people were recognizing me. It was surreal. I ended up going to see my ex. I had such a fear of losing him to this other girl for some reason. I was so scared he would get her pregnant or get in a serious relationship since I was gone so far away and I would never be with him, I would end up sleeping with him again and the girl found out and drove by his house mad and cussing me out and throwing stuff at me. We ended up getting in a fight which is so embarrassing and beneath me. I ended up crying to him that I wanted to be with him and don’t know why he never wanted to be with me which at this time he honestly was not even in my playing field anymore. He told me if I wanted to be with him I had to move back to my hometown.. my heart dropped to my stomach and I knew it wasn’t what I was supposed to do but I said okay… all because this is what I had wanted all those years. I decided to stay where the next two years all I would think about everyday was I was making the wrong decision and needed to go back to my life. My hometown had nothing for me.. COVID hit a couple months after me being there and we were terrified. We ended up getting everything out of my apartment and moving into a house around the corner from his parents. I had to tell him how I liked to communicate now without yelling and stuff which I learned from the boyfriend I had in LA and that I wasn’t going to put up with that disrespect but he never listened. Eventually everything went back to normal. I ended up going back to the club again dancing because I didn’t want to go backward and model here. He never wanted me to go back to LA even for a little bit even though that’s where my career and heart was so I had no idea what to do with my life. I started waitressing as well and getting back on my adhd meds. People started pressuring us to get pregnant and we tried for a year and 6 months. The month I found out I was pregnant before I knew, I quit my job and decided I was going to move back and get my life back. Two days later I found out I was pregnant…. Finally after trying for over a year. Our relationship was toxic just like the past he always yelled, I could never talk to him about my feelings without him saying I was trying to fight, he spit in my face once, threatened me, put his hands on me, he would tell me he was going to take my baby away from me as soon as I had it. I started asking him about getting married while I was pregnant and the proposal wasn’t even that. He got mad at me for asking one day and walked in the room and handed me the ring. It didn’t fit because I was pregnant & it was $27 (not that that matters but the proposal sucked).. he drained both my bank accounts and they closed it, charged my credit card up and put me in debt, he has not let me do anything I want to do like school or anything. He is so bad with money. He has an action figure addiction and at one point was spending 3k on action figures every month and turned one of the rooms in our house into a collection room so I had to take everything out of my closet and put my sons crib in there for the first year of his life. we have good times and I feel comfortable with him. He knows everything about me but he doesn’t respect me and sometimes I feel like he is intimidated by me. The sex isn’t good at all we always just ask “do you want to have sex” he never gives oral or foreplay, I never get pleasure. He’s an amazing dad though and loves his son. We have the most sweet and beautiful little boy now who I love so much and he loves him also. He’s very attentive to his son. But I still feel unheard. I can’t talk about my feelings. If I do it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t change anything. He is so defensive and we never communicate for a solution it’s always just pointing fingers. I have started yelling again because I’m so used to it now and I hate it because I grew up like that and I finally grew out of it until I got back with him and recently started again and now he throws it in my face and knows I begged him not to do it forever but he never stopped and now I am too. I’ve asked him to take me to the movies and he hasn’t still. I just ask for more romance and stuff but it just feels like I have a roommate. I have nothing now. I had my car and we traded it in for a new car that he wanted. I always dreamed of the next car I’d get once I paid it off but he got it & it’s in his name now so I paid it off for nothing. I’m driving around his dream car. I’ve been planning our wedding since I birthed our son and everything is going good. Money is tight. He works at the church now full time and makes about 45k a year or so, my son has been waiting to start daycare for awhile so I have been home with him. I’ve tried starting jobs multiple times but he is against it unless it’s super fast money like going to the club which I am so repulsed by and absolutely hate it now. I tried going back to college but my old college won’t release my transcripts for fasfa because I owe them money. I started cosmetology school a few months ago which he was all for but two months in freaked out and him and his mom guilt tripped me that we can’t handle this right now and he was having a hard time doing the night time routine for the baby while I was at school so I had to leave and now owe that’s school for my kit unless I enroll again in 128 days. I also miss modeling so much and sometimes think I can start again but it’s been five years. My body is so different too after a baby. Everything I want is a no go. Especially moving out of our hometown. He says he wants to but I don’t think he does. We are constantly at his moms and dads and they tell us all the time we aren’t moving anywhere which is really hard for me as this place is super toxic for my soul. Anytime I get money he spends it. Anytime I save money he spends it. Even if it does go towards our bills. His action figure habit is almost nonexistent now and he has grown a lot in the past few months from that since I demanded my son have his own bedroom after his first bday and all his figures are in boxes now and told him he could turn the shed into his man cave. He says we can’t save because we have nothing to save after bills but I believe in saving anything even $5 a paycheck. It’s doable. I grew up poor so this is nothing to me but after living the lifestyle I lived in LA and going out with guys that respected me and cherished me it’s hard. I know nobody is perfect but we are about to get married and I’m scared… I have nothing though anymore. I’ve threatened to leave a couple times and he says he will take me to court and take my baby. I’m scared he might. I don’t want my son to be angry like him or not respect women how he does. In public he’s a saint. He also has a very supportive family that it’s almost toxic. They all blame me for his anger issues and say I make him that way. But he’s been punching walls since I met him in 8th grade. I know it’s not because of me. But I have nobody else and nowhere else to go. No money. No car. I’m at the bottom again where I was before. Only difference is now I have a son. And we are getting married in three months and I can’t call it off. I am older now and looking back on my life I realize he maybe truly never loved me and I was just so desperate for love. I got myself here nobody else. I accepted everything, even when my gut told me not to. ( he is not just horrible, he’s a great person just with some bad qualities like everyone but I’m tired of feeling stuck with someone that never truly wanted me and doesn’t care to grow in some ways or show me )
Please help.. what do I do?

I feel so stupid writing this and I don't even know why I'm sharing. I just feel like I need to get it out of my chest.
Growing up my(M22) father was very controlling, strict and abusive. Throughout my childhood and until I graduated from high-school I was not allowed to hangout with, text, call or even play online videogames with my friends.
In elementary school it was normal not to hangout after school, but in middle and high school all of my friends hanged out all the time, I've always begged my parents to let me see my friends, my mom always said that she has no word in this, and my father always refused. He never tried to come up with a reason it was always just a no.
I wasn't allowed to call or text my friends and I wasn't allowed to have any social media, at the time I was the only kid in my class to not have any social media.
My friends always thought that I just hated them or had other friends that I hanged out with, I was too embarrassed to tell them the truth. It was very isolating, especially during summer brakes, we never went on vacations and my father didn't like going out so I basically spent every single summer at home.
At high-school all of my friends had gotten closer with each other and were basically hanging out after school and texting everday. They didn't abandon me we still talked everday at school but I was never actually close with any of them.
I always felt like I wasn't "worthy" of being anyone's friend, like I kept thinking who would want me as a friend knowing that I'll never be able to de anything with them after school. And yeah maybe I was being dramatic. Yeah we had fun at school but I never actually felt like thier friend, they were friends and I was just a classmate.
I always felt inferior, and I think a lot of my self worth problems started at high school. People always made plans that didn't include me, even things that they were doing at school, I was never included. And I don't blame them, most of these plans were decided on after school and my friends didn't have any way to reach me so ofc I wasn't included.
In my last year of high-school I was finally allows to have a phone number and text or class friends it was nice. But that came too late and all of my friends have moved on to snapchat which I wasn't allowed to have. I still felt less isolated and more connected with my friends and we texted every now and then
After the graduation ceremony, all of my class were going to a nerby McDonald's for dinner, I begged my father to let me go but he refused and said that I can go "the next time".
Now I feel like I should've just ignored my father and went with them, but I was scared. My father never actually hit me, because as he says " I was too much of a cowered to disobey him". He's not wrong. I have so many memories of him beating my siblings until they bled or were unconscious, if he wasn't in the mood to beat them, he'd burn them. He would heat up a spoon or a knife at the stove and put it directly on to thier skin. Usually thier feet so people wouldn't notice it. So yeah I was scared. I was only 17 and a cowered.
I never saw most of my friends after graduation. I kept texting regularly until they took months to reply then I stopped.
I went to a community college in my hometown, didn't have any luck making friends there, then covid hit, and when we were back on campus i tried my best to make friends, and I had a couple of "friends" but we were just classmates you know? We'd hang out between class and work on projects together and that's it.
I still live with my parents but my father doesn't have control over me anymore, I wish if it was because I finally gather the courage to stand up for myself, but no he just doesn't care anymore, he says that his job was to "protect" me until I reach 18 and now it's my responsibility to "protect" myself.
You may ask why didn't I try and reconnect with my friends after I turned 18? I was ashamed. And yeah I blame my self for this and I always will. I still had self worth issues and was so ashamed to be like " hey! Let's hangout now that my father doesn't control me anymore". I felt like I was pathetic and that they were better off without me.
Ending this on a good note, last month one of my high-school friends reached out,( he's been reaching out regularly ever since we graduated ) I asked to meet him, he agreed. We talked for hours and I told him about the whole thing, he told me that he understands and that he wants to be friends again, and that he wishes that I did this sooner.
We've been hanging out every week now and playing a lot of videogames together, I keep wishing that I had thus when I was younger, but I'm still happy that I can have it now.
He suggested that I meet with all of our old friends, I Initially said that I needed some time, but I think I'm ready now.
After typing all of this and rereading it a couple of times, this whole situation feels so stupid. But it was all pretty serious and I felt so helpless at these times.
Again I'm not sure why I wrote this or what I'm expecting to gain out of this post, but thank you if you read through the whole thing.

My wife and I are moving to Langley from the US at the start of next year, and I'd love to get an idea of what you think we should know before we get there!
For context if useful, I moved to the states from the UK and my wife is American, I like a lot about the states but it isn't somewhere I'd feel particularly safe or comfortable forever, especially when looking to start a family, mostly due to the way the country approaches healthcare and firearms (if you have the choice to raise kids somewhere other than the school-shooting and maternal-mortality capital of the developed world, why wouldn't you? Is our main thinking).
We initially landed on VancouveSurrey/Surrounding areas as it's close enough to easily see US friends and family, while also being a tech hub/big city, making work hopefully accessible to us. After a few trips looking around a few areas (Guildford, White Pines, Coquitlam, Langley, Abbotsford) and talking to people in the different areas we think Langley is the best fit so we're planning our move and aiming for the start of the year! (Exciting!)
All of this is to say, as the people who'd best know, what would you recommend knowing or keeping in mind for a couple aiming to move there to start a family/lay down some roots! No feedback to harsh or honest!
Thanks all!

 The necropolis was gorgeous, for what it was. Its white outer walls hiding the darker Victorian Gothic interior. The tech that was hidden in the walls though was able to move bodies in their caskets from a designated place in the necropolis to the "viewing area" as the necropolians called it. This was where I waited for my, for lack of a better term, escort to take me to the mortuary. Since science has grown surprisingly fast our abilities for forensic sciences have also grown, and that's to whom I was headed. (S)He was an, unusual (wo)man to say the least. An expert in their field and about as learned as a doctor, if not multi-doctorate. If you ever asked them why they never pursued an actual doctorate, they would get angry and act all prissy while saying that going to school would've slowed them down and all they needed were the basic certificates for their work. The reality though, revealed to me during a drunken bout, they just never liked school and believed that it ultimately stunted a person's growth and ability to question the reality around them, that everything that you need to learn is already in books and in some form or another in digital content online. They were brilliant, if a little wacky. About five minutes after I had arrived and was sitting down in the viewing area, a little box rolled up to me making a couple of beeps to let me know to follow it and immediately started rolling towards the wall opposite of where it came from. When it looked like it was about to hit the wall, a hidden door opened up by the casket viewer, inside was a set of stairs leading down into the darkness. Stepping through the doorway I became acutely aware of sounds seemingly coming from all around me suddenly. It really is impressive, as though I just stepped from a tomb to a busy workshop, the sounds of gas escaping pistons, whirring, and clanking chains flooded my ears. I continued down the stairs following my helpful little box, which despite its size and shape would suggest was actually quite nimble on the stairs. It seemed to have wheels that would extend down to the next step as the edge rolled over it and once the back of the box was clear of the step it would drop back into its squat position, hiding its wheels as quickly as possible. It continued to do so the entire way. The box seemed to notice me watching it and made a kinda shrill whistle and its undercarriage light went from a comfortable yellow to a, is that... Peach? Is it blushing? My god I think it is! I let out a small chuckle and my little blushing box stopped dead in its tracks mid-step, its light suddenly going white, almost blinding me from behind and lighting up the hallway for a split second. Luckily both of my feet were solidly on a step so I didn't take a tumble or anything, but I couldn't help doing anything but laughing harder. 

After a second the little box crept up behind me and continued down, its status light continuing to show pinkish. I followed it slowly, the chuckle slowly dying in my throat as we reached Ceriths office. Well "office" was being nice. Morgue, mortuary, both of these fit just as well. Cerith was, for the most part, a recluse. We reached the door and the little robot continued through a little hole in the wall. I waited a second and knocked. "Enter!" Came the voice on the other side. I opened the door and stepped through. Along one wall set doors that normally housed the dead waiting to be processed. One out of dozens were open, its occupant missing from its silver slab. The middle of the room was brightly lit from a single overhead light. In the middle of the circle of light stood a figure, long Raven colored hair bound in a single braided ponytail, the rest of them bound in medical examination garb. They seemed to be engrossed in the corpse in front of them. The little robot rolled up next to Ceriths feet and made a little chiming noise. "Thank you Tabitha. That'll be all," said a voice that was neither male nor female from beneath the mask. Just sort of in the middle. "Tabitha? Never knew you to be sentimental," I said gently, the chuckle in my voice making itself clear. "I see you still find even the darkest things funny," Cerith quipped back. "My line of work Cer, you take the laughs where you get them. Look who's talking anyway, you're usually elbows deep inside someone 25/8. Even you have a seriously fucked up sense of humor." That got Cerith laughing, sounding like thunder and the whip crack of lightning at the same time. "You've got me there Julius," Cerith said after his laughter subsided. I think he suits him today. Which is both a good and bad sign. When Cerith is acting like a man, it usually means some grim news, but they are going to try to make it seem like not a big deal and laugh a lot. Plus they almost never call me Julius. Something was wrong. Very seriously wrong. As this realization hit me I got this odd tingle in the small of my back. Like someone had put several freezing needles under the skin and into my spine, something I'm familiar with from the anima-games from the cyber sphere. Halos: Divine Retribution If I remember right. Those Angels were sadistic bastards. I shuddered at both the memories from the game and the shockingly similar feeling I was experiencing. Dread, that feeling is dread my friend, the quiet part of my mind whispered to me. "Cer, what's wrong bud," I asked. He didn't say anything. For a long time. After a few minutes I was about to ask again, but then he spoke. And what came out will haunt me, quite possibly till the day I die. "This ones temporal lobes are gray matter. Nothing even close to being coherent. Just. Dead neurons. And he's not the first." Gone was the jovialness of the past ten minutes. This was Cerith the whisperer. In an almost dead tone they continued, "the others didn't fare nearly as well as this one. Most of the brain is intact here, which means that if they didn't deliver a massive shock or something similar to fully kill him he would have possibly lived as a vegetable with memory issues, but that's not what I'm looking for in this one here now. Now I'm trying to figure out what else the others had in common with him, and so far that's brought up all but naught. Well this one has a bit of liver damage. But that's about it. So Mr John was a drinker. Not much there." When Cerith is "whispering" the best thing to do is just let him be. But I couldn't help but prick my ears up at mentions of others with similar wounds, and the fact that this one had liver issues.... "Cer. You said... CERITH," I finally snapped out and caught his attention mid ramble. "Thank you. You said liver problems. But nothing similar to the others? No drugs? Alcohol? Not even a synth brain-pattern? You checked Everything?" "Well let's see, John here was a drinker that's for sure," Cerith said his hands never ceasing their work as he started to put 'John' back together seemingly satisfied that he found nothing else, " Mr Lombardo in chest 3 had cocaine mostly, and Mr Lei in chest 9 had opium. Although to tell you where it came from for both I'd have to do a molecular analysis and see what it compares to. Other than that, no. Absolutely nothing connecting any of them. As far as I can tell they are all unique cases completely separate from each other except for the damages to the brain. And I only found this by accident. During a routine scan I happened to look at the screen as it passed through the brain and noticed an odd density in his temporal lobes. Just slightly higher than normal. Hell to be honest with you it had the density of a fresh cutie, you know those little oranges?" I nodded, and he continued, "Right of course you do, who hasn't? Anyways it's just super dense compared to the surrounding tissues, and I take a sliver probe and drop it in like you do. And when I turn the damn thing on to look at the neurons the area all I see are dead cells packed on top of one another. Not natural decay death, but forced to die. Most of the cell walls were torn open like they had blown up from the INSIDE. That's when I called you." He finished up with 'John' putting the final few perfect stitches in place and sealing him up for good. Once he seemed happy with his work he called out to his seemingly empty morgue, "Grom I'm done! Can you put Mr John Doe here back in his room? Number 11 if you please." He turned away from the body on the table and removed the giant rubber gloves that went to his elbows. He walked into the dark calling out over his shoulder, "I'll be back in a sec I gotta scrub out, want a drink? I have beer, whiskey, vodka, I might have some Cognac somewhere, and bourbon. Your choice, just call out what you want and Tabitha will be there with it. Also have a seat! We have much to discuss." With that he disappeared from both sight and sound in the dark. It was a neat trick I have to admit, and it had something to do with how he had his morgue set up. Even the giant war machine that was Grom was absolutely quiet unless you managed to catch him through the gloom. I thought for the longest time the reason why I could never catch him sneaking around was from some sort of stealth program put into place, but when he goes up and down those stairs he's as loud as can be. So it was definitely not his program but the way the morgue was built. I'm confident in saying that because when I turned back to look at the table, or rather where it was, there was now a chair that looked like it had just grown out of the floor and the body was gone. Also the thought of something as big as a fridge just sneaking up on some poor combatants and snapping their necks as quietly as he walks in the morgue just gives me the heebies. As I sat in the chair a thought occurred to me. Considering how advanced the morgue seemed to be it would make sense that it had some sort of AI or integrated computer. "Computer?" I had been here a million times but I'd never had a chance to think about it nor try anything. But not even a second after I had said anything a response came. "Yes Detective Julius. My name is DANNA. Or Dynamically Actualized Neural Net AI. How can I be of service?" The voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere, slightly feminine and breathy, all service but no sex. Honestly I was just surprised that it worked. "DANNA, I was just wondering if I could take a look at the files that Cerith had mentioned? If it is as bad as they claim I think I might need to know anyway. Also if you can get those blood works done for me I'd appreciate it. Also something with whiskey or rum would be amazing." "Of course Detective. I will have Tabitha bring it shortly. And how would you like the information to be displayed? Desktop or dynamic?" That piqued my interest. "Dynamic please." No sooner than I had said a series of screens blinked into existence in front of me. It was some sort of Holographic display. I reached out and touched the display and was surprised that I got stopped by something. It was hard but surprisingly I found that I could push into the screen with my finger if I pushed hard enough. It kinda felt like... Oobleck. I also found that by pinching the corner I could pull the screens closer or further from me. I even found that I could grab individual pages of the reports off the screen and hold it. It felt like a thin sheet of plastic and responded like both a tablet and a singular document. If I switched pages the old one would appear back onto the screen and the next would pop onto it. This was about as slick a set up as I had ever seen and whistled my appreciation under my breath, I'm definitely going to have to ask Cerith about where they got DANNA from. "See something you like, big boy?" A very DEFINITELY female voice said in my ear from behind, soft and throaty, screaming come hither. I felt small dainty hands gently caress the tops of my shoulders before slipping down the front of my chest, pulling me back into the chair that I didn't realize I had been slouching in. "You know better than that, Jules. Your back is important and slouching will destroy the muscles and cause some to atrophy." The voice left no room for argument, and left me more than a little bit flushed. I closed my eyes and dropped my head back as far as it would go, the back of my head hitting something soft and warm, stretching my neck and back out. "Damnit Cer I thought you were scrubbing out, not completely changing." I hadn't realized it, but at least an hour had passed from when I started playing with the computer and working with the files if the clock on the computer was to be believed. "You looked like you were pretty into it so I decided not to disturb you. Plus you know how much fun it is for me to tease you like this. Especially after, well these..." One hand waved at the screens in front of me. The small hands' nails were painted the darkest black and almost made them blend into the void that existed outside of the screens. "I do Cer, and that's part of the problem, we both know that it's never going to happen. Least of all for you." She laughed a little, a clear beautiful sound and the body beneath my head bounced slightly telling me I was against her stomach. "Still I know you enjoy these little moments," she said, the pressure on the back of my head disappearing and was replaced by the voice right by my ear again as she whispered, "especially when we both know that's not at all true." At the last words she nibbled my ear gently. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her, in spite of my baser instinct rising to meet her VERY juicy insinuations. But for as long as I've known Cerith and as many times as we have both been VERY drunk, they have NEVER cashed in. I just assumed that it was a quirk of theirs. "Anyways," she said standing back up, "what are you thinking so far about the files? Spooky, right? Like I said, nothing that I can see connects them." Her hands gestured in front of me in an approximation of a shrug. She then clasped them together, wringing the knuckles and effectively trapping me in the chair and back against her abdomen. I scrubbed my eyes with my fingertips acutely aware of the growing headache that suddenly made itself known. "Your right from the medical side. I can't see everything you can, of course. I don't have near the knowledge that you have," which is true being that Cerith is at least 200 years old. I never asked directly, the old adage still holding about women and their age. Still though her answers to certain questions would lead one to believe her being her first adult car was a Bing Cherry 2201 Firebird GT with white walled hover trim and chrome accents. From pictures that I could find it looked like a slick piece. Looking back to the screens I couldn't help but feel that itch again. I couldn't explain it. That prickly feeling of ice needles again, this time in the back of my skull. As much as I'd hate to admit it. I think Cerith is right. I sighed heavily before saying "send me everything. I'll open a new case file and have the team start working on it first thing." She made a happy noise and bounced slightly, clearly satisfied with my decision to take it on. I reached out and to my left and a glass was placed gently into my hand by Tabitha. I hadn't even realized she had come over while I was working and was now ready for that drink. Room temperature rum and cola. The drink went down smoothly enough considering I drained the glass in one gulp, during which time I finally got a good eyeful of Ceriths current form. Or rather the underside of part of it. From what I could tell she was wearing a black T-shirt. That was it. I put the glass back down, it's job done without moving my head and said, "What a lovely view Cerith. I'm guessing you chose this to try to get a rise out of me?" I couldn't lie though it was affecting me, but I couldn't let her know that. Not when she's like this. Otherwise she'll continue to tease me till she leaves me with the absolute worst case of blue balls this side of the City. Her hands came up and cupped my chin almost lovingly, and her voice said "Of course Detective. Do you not approve? Or would you rather I change back to my medical examination form? Or something else?" Her words dripped with implied sex. I groaned, loudly, and said, "This is fine. Jesus Cer." Before we could continue our most scintillating of conversations there was a sudden PING! And DANNA said, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's a message for you Cerith. It says 'If you can get to the department Cerith, do so. We need you to explain your paperwork. And if Detective Julius is still with you have him come in too.' signed the Chief. Would you like to reply?" 'Shit, I forgot the morgue kills all signals,' I thought to myself as I stood up gently (regretfully) prying myself from Ceriths grasp with a, "duty calls. Need a lift?" I stretched gently, the scales in between my shoulders clicking appreciatively for the stretch, and turned around to notice she was indeed, just wearing a black T-shirt that hugged her voluptuous figure closely. The scales in my back clicked shut in surprise. Cerith let out a small cute chuckle, "I see after all this time I can still surprise you," she said blowing a kiss my way, reminding me of a little Gothic pixy. I rolled my eyes away from her and willed my scales to relax. I grabbed my jacket off the back of the chair, slinging it on and clicking the neck clasp shut under the cord that connected my scales to the unit in my head. I was awarded the cybernetics upon completing my training and getting all my licenses to have them. The force had allowed me to customize it, I had chosen top of the line. A dual unit with custom built AI. The individual scales were ceracoated titanium microprocessors all running in both series and parallel, and could move to expel heat or react. The main unit was the same except it was one solid unit that replaced a chunk of skull. Once that was done I zipped up the front of the leathers and ran the scales through the racer setting. They clicked and flattened against the outside of the jacket, securing it to my back. I shrugged making sure it was comfortable. "I'll take the fact that you're only in a t-shirt you'll be along shortly?" "Certainly detective." Her voice was filled with dismissive submission... And sadness? I looked back at her and noticed her makeup was gone. Or had she had any on in the first place? I gave myself a mental shake. There's no way. This was Cerith, veritable goddess of the necropolis. I put the last few minutes away for review later. Chief called. I have to go. On an instinct I thought long dead, I reached out and squeezed her hand. I felt a slight squeeze back. And then she let go with a, "Go on, be a good detective. I'll be along shortly." I left with Tabitha as my guide. Before Cerith disappeared into the darkness I thought I heard her whisper, "please don't leave." My scales raised in a saddened response. I couldn't be sure I heard her right though. If I heard her at all. I reached back and stroked them, knowing my ai probably heard her, and knowing it could feel me touch the scales. After a few seconds the scales settled down. 'I know buddy,' I thought to the AI. It couldn't respond like usual AI. The force thought that was too dangerous. What if it went rogue? What if it tried to kill the host and take over? The list went on and eventually they decided the basics were ok. When I got my unit one of the first things I did was jack it into a diagnostic to see what kind of hardware I was dealing with exactly because manufacturer specs from real use are sometimes different with AI if the bits and bobs are in place. When I did, all I got on the screen was 'Hello?'

So i am a 14 yr old girl and about 7 months ago i got expelled from school for selling and doing drugs on campus. I have severe depression and anxiety as well as a severe bulimic disorder. once i had gotten kicked out my mom 48 sent me to a mental hospital for about a week. now i’m at home and i have no freedom and no control over my life. recently i have started to pierce myself with safety pins and i still smoke. she caught me giving myself piercings and tooth gems. she said that no means no. which i understand but i don’t know what else to do. because of my ed she monitors my food and when i eat. but i throw it up every time i’ve lose 60+ pounds since the start of the school year. i’m so lost and i don’t know what to do with myself. so i would give myself piercings and tattoos and tooth gems so i can feel some kind of confidence with myself. i go to therapy and am on a double dosage of zoloft. but i still feel this way. i feel isolated in my own home with my moms ex boyfriend. i am terrified of him. but we are moving out soon. my bio dad hasn’t spoken to me in months because of an argument we had in march. he lives in a different state. my mom is going to be a single mom soon we are moving out in a coupe of weeks and she is doing so much to help me and support me. she is the best thing i could’ve asked for as a mom. she makes me so happy and makes me feel like she’s the one person who cares. but i still want to feel good about myself when alone all this time. i have talked to many people a bout this but all they tell me is to just love myself. but i feel that something is actually wrong with me. is there any advice you could give me on getting to motivation to be a better person?

Hear me out first. A lot of Pinays who are 18 and above are offering video call sex (VCS) and selling nudes (pussy and boob pics) for 100 pesos per 2-3 pictures. Madami sa Telegram at kahit dito sa reddit. Now, imagine if the average daily customers per girl is around 15-20 men, the total earnings would be around 1500-2000 pesos per day. That doesn't even constitute an 8 hour workshift. Pagpalagay na natin na sa loob lang ng 4 na oras, ilang tigang ang gusto makakita ng nudes and are willing to pay wholeheartedly even if pwede naman magsearch for free. Let's assume that a content seller gets around 50 men within 8 hours per day, if she sells her pics for 100 pesos, that would mean earning around 5000 pesos. Take note that according to PSA, the male population in the country is higher (Of the 108.67 million household population in 2020, 55.02 million (50.6%) were males while 53.65 million (49.4%) were females), inshort madaming customer segment.
Definition of terms: 1. Escort (sex in exchange of money; mas sosyal pakinggan ang escort para hindi naman degrading) 2. Pops (number of orgasm; example: 1 pop = one orgasm)
Let's now move on to the escorts. Since not everyone who sells their pics and vids are open for meetups, the escorts are the ones who are willing to do the deed aside from selling contents. Now, an average escort offers sex services with the following rates: 3k- 1 pop 5k -2 pops to unli pops (depends on who you're dealing with) *Pano pag nag avail ka ng 3 hours for 1 pop pero nilabasan ka na after 20 minutes? Answer: E di tapos na ang session.
Now, some model body type escorts/foreign escorts working in Ph has the following rates: 25k pesos- 3 hours unli pops 30k pesos- unli pops overnight And some professionals or high calibre university students who are hiding their identities para hindi madiskubre at sumikat even reaches 50k pesos for 3 hours.
With that information, let's compute: If the average escort has 2 clients per day. If the rate is 3k pesos, that person can earn 6k pesos per day or 30k pesos per week if she agrees to meet up 2 clients daily. Okay, lets reduce it to 1 client per day, that would mean earning 3k pesos per day or 15k pesos a week. Mind you, the average wage in Metro Manila is 570 pesos per day or 2850 pesos per week and you need to render a total of 40 hours to earn that amount whereas pag pekpek ang puhunan mo, you only need to lay down for an hour or two cause let's face it, a typical guy doesn't even last for an hour. Pag yan nag-cum, tapos na ang service kahit pa nakaka-10 minutes of a 3 hour session ka pa lang.
Let us now compute further. Let's say you're that university student with reputation and you classify yourself as the ultimate prize, if your rate for 3 hours is around 30-50k pesos with unlimited pops, say you have a total of 8 clients for the month, that will generate you an income of mininum 240k pesos for the month (30k per customer) or max of 400k pesos (50k per customer) in a month. Magpapakantot ka lang, ang laki ng take home mo. An average lawyer can easily make 5-10k per day pero ang daming pagdadaanan somehow.
Let's see the bigger picture, sabihin na nating there are around 2,000,000 pinays who are offering 3k pesos per 1 pop, if they do it for 5 days weekly, the total income would be the following: A. 2,000,000 pinays for 3k unli pops per day generates 6,000,000 pesos. B. 2,000,000 pinays for 3k unli pops per 5 days a week generates 30,000,000 pesos C. 2,000,000 pinays for 3k unli pops per 5 days a week for a month (20 working days) generates 120,000,000 pesos.
Excluding weekends, we have a total of 260 working days per year. If 2,000,000 pinays would use pekpek once a day for a year, that would generate a total of 1,440,000,000 billion pesos, tax free. The annual GDP of the National Capital Region in the year 2023 is 7,572,347.073 billion pesos. The pekpek income of 1,440,000,000 billion pesos alone constitutes around 19% of the annual GDP of NCR.
Hindi kaya pekpek ang solusyon sa kahirapan ng Pilipinas?

My girlfriend(32F) and I(31M) are in a long distance relationship since a year and a half. We’re both in different countries, we met through a dating app. When we stumbled upon each other, she had just broken up with her ex for about 6 months and was healing from a toxic relationship. Her ex was emotionally abusive and It took a toll on her and she started to question her self confidence. She went through therapy but discontinued shortly as became expensive.
As we began our relationship, we set things straight that we were purely going to get to know each other and become good friends first and then see where it takes us. As we got to know each other more, I started to fall for her and I saw her as the most precious human, still do! She’s got amazing qualities, she’s super funny, she’s kind, she’s the sweetest to literally everyone, she’s got a beautiful heart and soul, she’s sexy and whatnot. But we decided we were not going to say “I love you” until we meet in person.
During this time of us getting to know each other, she told me that she didn’t find me attractive physically and we don’t have an emotional connection like how she does with a few of her friends. And we convinced each other that it’ll take time for all that as we’re still getting to know each other. She used to make fun of how I laugh all the time when I’m talking to her, she’d make fun of the way I talk, the way I eat, the way I dance or sing( which I understand, I suck) but I used to send her pictures and videos of me singing and dancing for her while I was thinking of her. She used to make fun of those too and asked me not to do anything “extra” and just myself. That was me being myself and I felt that she didn’t like it, so I stopped it all.
She told me that her ex and all her ex boyfriends were charming and had a great personality. And it made me feel a little low thinking that maybe she doesn’t find me charming. Maybe I wasn’t her type, but she used to tell me that I’ve made her feel so comfortable that she can be herself around me and she likes that a lot. And she told me that this is helping her heal from her past as she felt that she wasn’t able to be herself in her past relationship before me. I felt good and I wanted to make her feel more comfortable, so, when the time is right, she’ll feel things for me.
She once mentioned that her friend and her were laughing about how they’re not into guys who are inexperienced and they would never want to get into a relationship with a virgin. Me, being a virgin, I told her I’d been with 3 partners and have had s*x because again, because of what she said earlier, I got scared and lied. I shouldn’t have. I was in three other relationships(each not lasting more than 2yrs) but never had sex because I wanted to have sex with the one with whom I’d be certain I’ll be spending the rest of my life with. I never felt that way with any of my exes and never had sex but did other stuff.
While her on the other hand, has had a quite a few hookups, friends with benefit with 1 guy, and had sex with all 4 other partners from her long relationships( each 3 year long). This was all before meeting me and I told her it’s good that she was experienced and I’ll probably get to learn from her experience.
6 months into the relationship, she had come down to my country and we spent 2 days together. I really wanted to hug her so badly and kiss her. But when we hugged, she said she didn’t feel any butterflies and it was awkward. This made me feel really low, but I told myself that she’s probably still healing from her past and it may take time for her corn around and open her heart for me. Never kissed. She asked me for a kiss after our “awkward hug” but I was scared that if we kissed and if she didn’t feel anything, she’d end things between us.
We met again 3 months down the road, this time we spent a solid 10 days together. I was really excited and I thought by now, she’d be comfortable around me and probably have feelings for me. She said she did. And by this time, she told me she loves me for the first time. And I truly believed it. We kissed for the first time, we made out a little and it was all good. But didn’t have sex, while we were foreplaying, she asked me to put it in and I wanted to but my dck in but it wouldn’t turn on. I never had a problem with my dck not working while masturbating, I used to imagine doing a lot of sexy things with my girlfriend.
Mentally, I was under a lot of pressure, that she has had amazing sex from her ex partners and what if I disappoint her. She did tell me that in her previous relationship, she had orgasmed 7 times in 24 hrs. I tried to not think of it, but subconsciously, I wanted to be good too, make her feel good and I wanted to make her feel satisfied. Anyways, when she asked me what was wrong, I told her that I was a virgin and she said it was okay, I shouldn’t have lied to her, she comforted me saying we can have sex later when I’m comfortable and wanted to make it special.
I felt supported and safe. It was good. I regretted not telling her earlier. During this meet, though we kissed not more than 15seconds, foreplayed a little, she was not comfortable with me touching her tummy, touch her bum, or even take a look at her p*ssy. I was fine with it, I understood that it may be because of her insecurities and I kept praising her how hot she was and how much I find her sexy.
This trip ended and we met again 4 months down the line, only for 5 days but we couro spend the time together only for 2 days. We hugged and she again, said the hug was awkward. We kissed, but never made out more than 15seconds, I was playing around with her body and this time she let me kiss her tummy and bum. But didn’t let me take a look her p*ssy and I was still fine. I understood her that she needs more time to be physically comfortable.
She went back and after a couple of months, I asked her why she used to push me away while we were kissing. Even during our hugs, I wanted to hug her tightly, but she used to tap out 5 seconds into the hug. She said it was because it was summer, it was too hot. Then later, she told me that those were intimate things and it takes time for her to be intimate with her partner. I tried to understand.
TL/ DR - What bothers me is, while she had her hookups, friends with benefit stuff, she was with a stranger and she would let them touch her anywhere in the body, she’d let them kiss her, make out with her for as long as they want, she’d let them look at her whole body while they were having sex, but not me. I’ve made it clear with her multiple times that I’m here for good and I want her to my life partner and that I love her, and yet, she’s not comfortable with me even after 1.5 years of our relationship but she has been comfortable with strangers whom she had just met.
It makes me think, that she either find me unattractive or she doesn’t look at me that way, yet. She tells me that she loves me, she finds me attractive and wants to get married to me, but I’m not able to trust her words because of her actions when we were together in person.
I love her to the moon, she is my freaking moon. But I don’t know if there’s something wrong with my thinking, maybe she doesn’t find me sexy, maybe doesn’t see me as a bad boy like her exes.
I mean, I know things will get better as we close the distance in 1 year when I move to her country but right now; I’m finding it very difficult to process the fact that she’s not comfortable with me physically even after all this time, but she’s so comfortable to kiss, make out or have s*x with a stranger.
Super Sorry for the long read. Please give me your honest insights.

I am an "exeriencer" ( i hate using that term, i also am "Psychic" ... and so are you, and you, and all of us.. you may not know this but we all have these, although some are "blind" or inhibited intentionally by things... anyways)
I have come to comprehend some really .. well.. fucked up shit that is happening in this world, it involves Orbs of Various colored light... Many people see them. IN WW2 the fighter pilots would witness them and deemed them "Foo Fighters" ( Not the Band..lol..)
Anyways... I even have fairly extensive footage of these entities ( Thats what I believe them to be, not aliens from another planet, nor spirits... but actual Reality-bending entities and maybe worse than mere "Bending")
I am not kidding when I tell you that IRL I have along with my Family... Litteraly after reporting a UAP sighting to THE main place people re[ort thes things to... litteraly gained some new and invasive, agressive and insistent apon purchasing our home in western NC... neighbors... within 2 months these people moved into the home between where my home and rhe main manifestation of the phenomenon on that land is.. ( it seems to manifest a lot of places I go.. but its periodical in intensity, but no matter what, it WILL manifest when I go back on my land... My home was burned down with Myself, My fiancee, My Mother, and my Nephew in it on May 17th 2020. This is not a story, or a joke, and its very very real... anyways.
If you are interested in talking with me I am willing to share my story and I want to ... covertly tell my story. This is probably not wise for me to do here but ... at least this way it can be Gov Style "leaked" about what Ive experienced and what I have had occure to me..
Im not having any delusions of grandure when I tell you I am litteraly not the same man I was in 2017... when the orange lights started to loiter around our property and I started to expeirence everything from bizzare nightmares, to "visions" in my waking hours, to paraormal events all around me at night, to having experiences that may, or may not have been "Abduction" ( once again I dont believe these things are aliens at all, although I do know that I have seen more UFO/UAP in my lifetime than anyone i can think of save for maybe 2-3 others ...and I have seen around 6-7 definitely "physical" looking objects... that doesnt mean they even were there though...) The experiences I am talking about when I use the "A" word, are absolutely nothing akin to being taken aboard a ship, and etc etc, I have seen several ... roughly, humanoid like entities, but i dont know if they were even really there or not... What i DO know... is that they were Manifested by the ORange and Blue orbs of light...
I know of 2-4 physical locations in which these Orange ( mostly orange, the blue one/ones is/are very rare and ... Anyways, im blabering...I am being entirely honest and open, this is not a Troll, or a spoof or a trick or a bait or a attempt to seem important and special.... I wish ide never seen a fucking thing...tbh...its litteraly destroyed my life..)
Anyways, I can say that if you are interested in talking to me regardless of if you are interested in helping me create a SCP based apon my life and the exeriences I have had and continue to have, I would truly be thankful... but it must stay an "SCP"...And if you want to speak to me, i will provide contact info, especially if you are actually experiencing this phenomenon yourself.. its terrifying and I maybe can at least help comfort you... I hope?...)
I have a lot of videos and photos and this is mearly a hint of the litteral "Pandora's Box" and Nightmare that I seem trapped in every fucking day, everytime i wake up... here alone in this appartment...
Wishing i could just go back home... just go back to a time before my best friend committed suicide in 2019, right after an old friend of mine also committed suicide... before My home was burned down and I spent the last 4 years being stalked and threatend and shot at a few times and came to a point in my life where I never believed I would come...
I am just some idiot from North Carolina...
I keep hearing Frodo saying "I wish the Ring had never came to Me"....
I always loved LOTR... but I never comprehended the truth of carrying such a horrendous weight on your shoulders... not knowing wtf you are supposed to do... yet knowing you need to do this "thing" sometime.. someplace.. etc...
Its all so fucking bizzare.
Anyways. Thanks guys..
( btw ... i discovered the SCP by accident... and hen i heard it on YouTube I was sort of coming out of a nap after falling asleep from sheer exhaustion after my home had been burned down and I had been invited to stay in a ladies house... I thought it was perhaps real for a moment.... it all was so familiar... i have often wondered if other people have used the stories as I am hoping to.. to document somerthing that is far to dangerous for me to bring to light ... IF... if anyone would ever beliee my story... its not just MY story.. its going to be all of our stories soon i fear... and its my families story, and my grandparents story... and my mothers.. etc.... anyways.. Love you all.. thank you if you read this..God Bless you.-VLC)

After getting alot more experience, I have decided to rerelease my first script, with a few formatting changes. I wanted this and the rest of the ongoing series to match the standards of the other scripts in my library.
Note: monetization is fine, just credit me, send a link of audio, and ask before making any changes
Context: Damar and Listener manage to climb down the mountain to the entrance to the caves. Damar has created a torch for light and the duo are slowly making their way to the Emerald Serpent’s nest.
Damar: We were lucky that the serpent’s nest was right below us. Ok, there are two ways we can go about this task. First, if the serpent is asleep, I will keep a lookout for any signs of it waking up, while you get the scale. Second, if the serpent is awake, I can distract it long enough for you to get the scale. With both of these plans, we get the heck out of dodge as soon as the scale is in hand. Do not look back at the serpent if it is chasing us, just keep your legs moving.
(Short Time Skip)
Damar: Looks like the Serpent is asleep, so we will have to go with Plan A. Do not aim for the head or tail, maybe somewhere in the middle. I will alert you if I notice anything.
…..
[Snake Tongue flicking sound]
Damar: Human, look out!
[Snake hisses and bite sound?]
Damar: No! [Weapon unsheathing sound] Take this you overgrown garden snake!
[Sound of sword hitting something]
Damar: (Speaking to Listener) I will get you out of here, do not worry.
.... [Running sound]
Damar: Are you ok? (Starts to panic) No, of course, you are not ok! Your leg just got bitten!
Damar: (Trying to stay calm) Let me see the wound. That does not look good. And I do not have an antidote on me.
….
Damar: Of course, you will not die. I will not let it happen. You will go back to your village and see your grandmother again. I vow this upon every tree in the forest. Just please hang on for me!
….
Damar: Try to keep your eyes open! Tell me your name. I still cannot believe I forgot to ask it of you when we first met.
….
Damar: That is a lovely name. And honestly a lot more elegant than the ones belonging to the elven noblewomen.
….
Damar: You are starting to feel numb? The venom must be particularly potent. I will see if I can get the venom out, but you have to stay awake.
…..
Damar: (Voice fades in and out) (Sounds panicked) Do not go to sleep! Do you hear?! Do not go to sleep! Hey! Hey! Do not go to sleep!
(Time Skip) [Fire crackling sound]
Damar: Oh, you are awake? I was starting to worry you would not pull through.
…..
Damar: Do not try to get up. I managed to suck out most of the venom and make a poultice, but you are not out of the woods just yet. [Sound of water being rung out of a cloth] You still have a fever. It is best if we stay here for a few days until your fever cools down a bit.
….
Damar: Where are we? After you fainted, I scooped you up and managed to get out of the serpent’s den. And as for your wound … (Takes in a breath) the emerald serpent’s venom becomes sticky once injected into its victim. That makes it harder to be sucked out and for the victim to recover. Since I removed most of it, you have a higher chance of survival, but we have to find some way of neutralizing the rest. I was thinking we could use the silver unicorn tears. They are supposed to be one of the most powerful healing items in the whole domain.
….
Damar: The scale fell to the ground after you got bitten, so I grabbed it on our way out of the den. I put it in your pack with the Thunderbird feather. As for the unicorn tears, a herd of them live not too far from here. I guess we are getting luckier and luckier as the trials go on. Except for you getting injured of course. Now that you are awake, I am going to check on your wound.
…. [Bandage unwrapping sound]
Damar: Looks like the poultice helped, but your leg is not fully healed. See these black veins? That indicates the remaining venom. As I mentioned earlier, I managed to get most of it out of the bite. However, I noticed the rest of the venom was harder to remove and I feared accidently hurting you further by pulling at it. Let me prepare a fresh poultice and rewrap your leg.
[Wrapping sound?]
Damar: There you go. Just focus on resting for a little while longer and then we will make our way to the unicorn herd. You also do not have to worry about walking, since I will be carrying you.
….
Damar: Your face is turning red. That is either from your fever or (Smirk and flirty) you are blushing because I said that I would be carrying you.
….
Damar: (Chuckling) There is no need to hide your face. I find you blushing rather cute. To be honest, you are the first human woman that I have ever considered beautiful. You are so concerned about your grandmother, that you completely disregard your own safety. I will make sure you complete the last task so you can go home. And maybe... (kinda nervous) we could hang out sometime? I know some good spots for picnics. Hopefully, I am not sounding weird, considering we just met a few days ago. I swear I am starting to sound like Mother.
…..
Damar: Do not giggle at me! I am trying to be serious and not sound like a blubbering idiot. Just focus on getting some of your strength back and I will make sure no monsters or that oversized garden snake tries anything. Sweet dreams human.

Hello, Over the months I been giving updates on starting my IT career.
I have started my first IT job and it’s at an MSP. I just wanted to share how things are going. Overall not much is going on cause we still on the training phase but here are some things I been please to see and just my thoughts.

1. This my first white collar job, it’s definitely strange not working outside or in a kitchen, I’m in a cubicle setting wearing business professional clothing and not some jeans or an apron. Ngl I do like wearing suits or button up shirts, I feel like a million bucks 😅
   
2. Instant raises for any certifications I’ll obtained which they will pay for the study material and exam also promotions is based off the certs you get which is great because I don’t need to worry about seniority.
   
3. It’s nice to have a training structure, makes me feel less anxious about being in a new environment and career field
   
4. Fully stocked break rooms with a bunch of snacks, drinks, coffee, and beer! For us to take and enjoy
   
5. All the people I have met have been wonderful, from management, trainers, and the other trainees! They all super passionate and social so the environment/culture have been pleasant.
   
6. I love how they encourage us to grow in our careers not only with the paid certs but having multiple pathways in the company, security, internal IT, accounts, sales, etc and will work with you on how to get in those other departments.
   

So far I’m enjoying myself at this company but this is being said before being put on phones for ticket solving so my thoughts and feelings could drastically change once I start doing that but like what everyone says here, you gotta start at the bottom and learn your fundamentals before moving up either way I’m excited to kick ass and be the best IT guy 😎
TL;DR Enjoying my first IT job and excited to start kicking ass!

At have triggers in this short story...My parents will be addressed as my abusers one of my two brothers will be called affect sex offender the other brother will be called a molester who molested me my sister is going to be called I take everything way too serious she's a b**** so she's bitch growing up we were in a very abusive home where we each got our own way of abuse from our deezers I have an older brother and another sister from my mother first married I am my first born to my father and the firstborn grandchild on my father's side I have another brother he followed me 18 months later and I was pretty mean to him I saw man digging it up dumpster and My dumb brother asked what he was doing I said he's probably looking for you because that's where we found you and my abusers would abuse me all the time I literally memorized my Pepe's phone number so I would pack my Barbie suitcase and I would sit on the curb by a sewer line where I wasn't supposed to sit but I would stay at my grandparents' house for days months I did private school through them I went to regular school through town I would be the one to call 911 on my grandfather when he went into the hospital that day plays everyday in my head and he makes me cookie and all he would say is Cookie get the elephant off my chest get the elephant off my chest I knew it wasn't going to be good and I was right he was roughly in the hospital a couple of weeks and he passed he passed in the middle of the night this is when I realized I was in bath at the age of 12 he came to me he said he loves me and he said that he will always be by my side and protect me and yes they just were the other person I miss in my family is the closest I had with my uncles and cousins due t my abusers they turn the family on me cuz apparently whatever my abuser says went down exactly how they say it but they never told them what they did to me there's one thing that goes in my head and it pis me off my abusers is things in front of my siblings and I I remember one of my siblings getting beat up I remember a sibling nail it kneeling in the kitchen on rice I remember another sibling getting away with absolutely everything the sex offender the molester was forced out of the home because I had a big mouth and I was telling everybody the state I came from was Massachusetts and they failed to me I moved to Florida with my other abuser to meet my other abuser you had one of my siblings with her all I have to say is a sex offender is held at a higher standard in my family then someone who committed robberies with no weapon I'm not saying I'm right and I'm not saying I'm wrong I'm saying I did my time no I didn't go find God in jail for prison that's not why I went to do my time my time was to do 27 months it wasn't to find God I was supposed to rehab and I didn't do that because they are idiot Florida correctional institution is insane and I am happy to say that me and a nurse closed Broward county institution for women due to the neglect the living conditions the rats the cockroaches the bed bugs the spider bites I have so many scars from them that it's insane as an intention in my leg where the brown recluse spider bite ate the muscle in my leg and when they would take the dressing off they would have to put a white cheek close by because the pus and the nasty muscle that turned into pus and turned into deteriorating muscles I thank her everyday and I wish wish I knew where she was so I could give her a great big hug and tell her thank you for sticking by me they transferred her because I made a mistake and gave her a hug out on compound and they transferred her to a different person but other inmates for telling me she was giving them messages to tell me she wasn't giving up on me and that she was still looking into it I owe her everything the little bit of time that I had with this nurse showed me love remorse didn't judge me and admired me for owning everything I did ruining my children to get life ruining my own life making my husband and my life difficult my stepson is never happy with me anymore there's nothing I can do and I'm not going to fight it no more I don't care I'm not going to let it bother me the past is the past I learned my lesson I got out in 2005 have not been in trouble with the loss jail and prison for hell and I'm never going back there's nothing that anybody could do to make me want to go back ever again and I'm withholding 2005 to present day 2024 clean off drugs sober off of I've been off drugs I haven't relapsed I'm a very proud of myself and I hope that I inspire somebody to tell their story of abuse and a correctional institution and I will look into it and I'll see what I can do to make the situation better Florida is not known for their wonderful persons in jails their roads infested their nasty they make the inmates live in unconditional situations I want to put my dog in the guards overstep their boundaries every which way we could insulted you made you feel like you were nobody you already took my freedom you're going to take myself to steam too then lock up the whole fat was just a trip and a half every time they could they would put me in the hole why I wasn't doing anything you know why because I found out that people were going around after they found out with my charges were I wonder who he told people that the person guards only knew what I did the inmates wanted to do them and every time something came up missing in a pot I was in it was my fault and didn't even matter it couldn't even be my and I would get in trouble because they said I stole and I never in a million years stole anything from anybody I had my own money coming in and I was buying my own things and my story will continue because it's not over yet......

A Simple Yet Thought-Provoking Doorway

Interviewer: Howl's Moving Castle was a huge success as well, with box office revenue reaching 19.6 billion yen. This places it second only to Spirited Away among Studio Ghibli films. The original story is by Diana Wynne Jones, and the screenplay was written by Mr. Miyazaki.
Mamoru Oshii: Howl's Moving Castle is excellent, my favorite among Ghibli's works. The story isn't entirely clear, the logic doesn't always hold up – these aspects haven't changed much from Miyazaki's past films. But, at this point, there's nothing more to say about those points. So, what do I appreciate about this film? In a word, it's the mechanism of that doorway. Miyazaki's changing mindset as he gets older is clearly expressed through that door's workings.
Interviewer: The door of Howl's castle leads to different worlds, and its mechanism is divided into four parts.
Mamoru Oshii: That truly impressed me. Every time the mechanism shifts, the door opens to a different world. The black passage leads to the battlefield, flames are raging, Howl transforms into a monstrous bird and flies off, then returns completely exhausted. Seeing Howl like that, Calcifer says, "He might not come back." What kind of meaning do you think that holds?
Interviewer: Does it represent Mr. Miyazaki's heart being divided into four parts?
Mamoru Oshii: It's not about the number. Women might not understand easily, but men get it right away. Especially older men, they understand at a glance. Because they are also constantly turning that doorway unconsciously. In other words, whether consciously or unconsciously, they always play multiple roles. An older man working at a company switches modes when he comes home; when playing with a young woman somewhere else, he switches again; when interacting with his son and daughter, he switches yet another time. Simply put, humans are creatures that live separately in different worlds. There may also be a dark side that leads one to become a monster. People definitely possess a side that turns into a monster and runs rampant on the battlefield, and are destined to coexist with this darkness.
I've never seen a film that depicts the multiplicity of an older man's inner world in such a persuasive way. I love it. The doorway mechanism turns, and the world changes instantly. It's fantastic.
Interviewer: That's high praise indeed.
Mamoru Oshii: It is. But it's dangerous, you know? Sometimes you slip up and reveal a side you shouldn't in front of your wife and children. Wives are probably aware of this to a certain extent, but they don't bring it up. If you ask me, that's what living with a man is all about. You might not notice it when you're dating, but after getting married and having children, women realize that older men use different faces in different situations.
Being able to create this kind of expression means that Miyazaki himself must have struggled with switching between different faces. By now, he's probably become quite adept at it. I'm the same way. After all, film directors have to be geniuses at switching gears – the face shown to staff, the face shown to producers, the face when alone, the face shown to family – you really have to separate them all.
Interviewer: That sounds truly exhausting.
Mamoru Oshii: It is, it is. A person like Miyazaki must have a remarkable monster dwelling within him, right? For Howl, that represents the moment when he throws aside all humanity and becomes a monster. Although it's incredibly difficult, even requiring him to fight till he's covered in blood, he can't escape it. Why? Because he couldn't survive without that side of himself.
He must have referenced other archetypes as well, but no one else could have expressed it so brilliantly. Miyazaki truly is one of a kind. That doorway in the film is so good that it overshadows everything that comes after. The war ending abruptly, for instance.
Interviewer: In the first place, it's unclear why the war even started. To be honest, there are too many things that don't make sense. Sophie's original goal was to break the Witch's curse, but somewhere along the way, this goal disappears, and she ends up living with the Witch.
Mamoru Oshii: That's why it's pointless to try to apply logic. This is Miyazaki's world of imagination, where the laws of cause and effect don't apply. This world itself is Miyazaki's fantasy.
Interviewer: But there is a source material.
Mamoru Oshii: Half of it has probably vanished without a trace, wouldn't you say? All that's left is the basic setting. The castle's design is amazing, it even has a torpedo launcher, doesn't it? It makes you wonder what that torpedo launcher is for and what it's supposed to fire at. It feels like Miyazaki just crammed in everything he likes.

Miyazaki and My "View of Family"

Interviewer: I love the design, though.
Mamoru Oshii: It can accommodate anything, and this time he put "family" in it.
Producer Toshio Suzuki said something interesting. He was also the producer for my film, Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence. He said: "It's fascinating how both Miyazaki and you are making the same kind of film. In short, the theme is "home". Both are stories about family. Miyazaki's film expresses the idea that whether it's an old witch or an orphan, it's fine to welcome anyone into the family, because we're all family. And in your film, whether it's a dog or a doll, it doesn't matter if they're not human. It's a very interesting approach to considering a new kind of family."
Interviewer: Mr. Suzuki is insightful.
Mamoru Oshii: He's the kind of person who observes from such unique angles. That's his strength, thinking from perspectives no one else would consider.
Of course, I wasn't conscious of it either. I had no intention of making a story about family. The "unconscious genius" Miyazaki must have been the same. But when Suzuki pointed it out, I felt "that's exactly right". When people establish a sense of shared existence, the most basic form of it is family. Of course, there are male-female relationships within it, but when viewed from the perspective of social relationships, there's nothing other than family. Even blood ties aren't necessarily essential within it. Originally, the starting point of family is strangers, no blood relation needed. A married couple is essentially a pair of complete strangers with no initial blood ties. They start from a marital relationship and then begin to build kinship ties. It's not like in Shuji Terayama's Throw Away Your Books, Rally in the Streets where people separate first and then spend time exploring family forms in various ways. That's probably how it is.
Thinking about it this way, even the house they live in in Howl's Moving Castle walks on two legs, doesn't it? What does that mean? It means that it's no longer even connected to the concept of "settling down", which represents the idea of family. The characteristics of a house being rooted in the land are irrelevant. On the other hand, in Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence, it doesn't matter whether you're human or not, but you need to be with others to live as a human being.
Looking at both films from the perspective of family makes many things easier to understand, that's for sure. If you don't think about it this way, the content of Howl's Moving Castle will become more and more perplexing as you watch it.

Hayao Miyazaki is David Lynch?

Interviewer: Speaking of family, Sophie's family is nowhere to be found. It's as if she's just a beloved and beautiful younger sister that everyone adores.
Mamoru Oshii: After watching Howl's Moving Castle, no one can recall the details of the story clearly. I watched it twice, which is rare for me, but I still can't remember the story. The protagonist Howl appears suddenly, and Sophie is introduced already sewing hats, but why is it a hat shop?
Interviewer: It's a hat shop in the original story.
Mamoru Oshii: But it must be because Miyazaki wanted to draw scenes of hat making, right? Miyazaki loves artisans, loves depicting scenes of crafting things. Up until now, he's always had this tendency - even if it sacrifices consistency to some extent, he'll find a way to realize the scenes and fantasies he envisions. But with Howl's Moving Castle, he completely let go and took a straight path to fantasy. Howl's Moving Castle is exactly that kind of film. Whether or not there's source material is irrelevant. The story of Master Howl is a prime example.
Interviewer: Voiced by Akihiro Miwa, the character of the Witch of the Waste, right?
Mamoru Oshii: Scenes like the shooting stars are undeniably beautiful, but do they have anything to do with the story? Miyazaki's impression of magic must be these beautiful visuals, so he simply wanted to create them.
Interviewer: It's not just that, the character of the Master is completely incomprehensible.
Mamoru Oshii: I've said this so many times, you can't seek consistency in Miyazaki's films because they're all fantasies. It's best to view them through the lens of David Lynch's Twin Peaks.
Interviewer: Lynch's films don't prioritize consistency either. Nobody expects a logically sound story from his work.
Mamoru Oshii: Then why have such expectations for Miyazaki's films? They're both transforming their own fantasies into films, whether it's Lynch or Miyazaki.
Interviewer: "Hayao Miyazaki is David Lynch", that's quite a bold statement.
Mamoru Oshii: There's one crucial difference between Lynch and Miyazaki: Lynch sees humans as frightening creatures. Lynch's theme is singular – the terror of humanity. As a Lynch fan, I've finally reached this conclusion recently. Humans are terrifying beings; they create terrifying events. This is the theme of Lynch's works. The very existence of humans is eerie, so his works are unconcerned with good and evil, angels and demons. That's why Lynch's films are unique.
So, what about Miyazaki? Miyazaki genuinely wants to view humans as benevolent creatures and the world as something beautiful. This fundamentally differs from Lynch, who is obsessed with a world of horror. However, they share the commonality of realizing their fantasies through film. Another difference is that Lynch consciously depicts horror, while Miyazaki does so unconsciously.
Interviewer: In the latter half of the film, Sophie suddenly shifts between being young, middle-aged, and elderly. Is there any meaning behind this?
Mamoru Oshii: No, it's just to make her appearance fit the scene. They simply decided, "It's better for her to be young here", and that's about it. There's probably no deeper reason. So even if you try to overanalyze it, you won't find anything.
Interviewer: It's fine if you don't fully understand Lynch's films, but you still want to try and understand Miyazaki's.
Mamoru Oshii: Because at first glance, they appear to be orthodox narrative films.
No matter how many bursts of fantasy there are, he still wants to reach a conclusion and summarize the meaning in the end, right? In that sense, he's still clearly more timid than Lynch.
Interviewer: But you said that Howl's Moving Castle is your favorite work, didn't you?
Mamoru Oshii: Yes. Even though it doesn't fully let go in the end, it's quite transparent before reaching the conclusion. It doesn't force itself into a narrative structure, so in that sense, I really appreciate it. The doorway mechanism and the scene where the Witch of the Waste makes shooting stars fall from the sky are both incredibly beautiful and impressive. Although the depiction of the royal palace feels somewhat generic, the scene where they're panting and climbing the palace stairs is quite interesting. There are truly many excellent scenes.

Howl is Miyazaki Himself

Interviewer: In that stair-climbing scene, there's a dog named Heen. Don't you think he resembles you a bit?
Mamoru Oshii: That dog... (laughs) The staff kept telling me about him when the film was released, and I could definitely sense some malice directed at me. Because Heen is a useless dog, isn't he? His personality seems quite bad as well.
Interviewer: So he's like you. When I saw it, I couldn't help but think, "It's Oshii!"
Mamoru Oshii: Because I've also poked fun at them many times in my own works. I named the old man who runs Shanghai Tei in Patlabor "Hayao Saki". Mr. Takahata appears as "Inspector Takahata", although he's a villain (laughs). Needless to say, Toshio Suzuki has made multiple appearances as well.
But if that dog is me, then Howl must be Miyazaki. He projected himself onto the protagonist in Porco Rosso, didn't he?
Interviewer: Wait a minute, that handsome Howl? Really?
Mamoru Oshii: Absolutely. The works where Miyazaki projected himself onto the protagonist are Porco Rosso, Howl's Moving Castle, and The Wind Rises. What aspects of Howl resemble Miyazaki? This statement will surely shock many fans.
Mamoru Oshii: He wants to be that kind of man. A wizard, the head of a household - there's no doubt that Howl is his projection.
Interviewer: But Howl said, "I can't live without being beautiful."
Mamoru Oshii: That's right, he transformed from a pig and uttered those words. Voiced by Takuya Kimura, no less. In reality, Miyazaki loves to be cool, but he understands that it doesn't suit him, so he intentionally makes himself appear plain. I forget when it was, but he even imitated Ryotaro Shiba's style by wearing a black coat. Miyazaki respects Ryotaro Shiba a lot, although I dislike him.
What strikes me as the biggest similarity between Howl and Miyazaki is the scene where Howl returns to the castle as a monster and sluggishly climbs to the second floor.
That scene embodies Miyazaki's true feelings - even if he's making a big fuss outside, he still has to crawl back to his room. When Sophie scolds him saying, "You did it again! It can't be helped", didn't you feel like he must have been scolded by his wife this way too? He finally returns, but as a monster. From this perspective, he's really quite transparent (laughs).
As long as you understand Miyazaki, you can pick up on these amusing nuances. But even if you don't know him personally, the film is full of interesting scenes and beautiful visuals. However, there's really nothing to say about the plot. So, they should just tell the world that, but instead, people love to praise "how great the stories are" in Miyazaki's films.

My girlfriend(32F) and I(31M) are in a long distance relationship since a year and a half. We’re both in different countries, we met through a dating app. When we stumbled upon each other, she had just broken up with her ex for about 6 months and was healing from a toxic relationship. Her ex was emotionally abusive and It took a toll on her and she started to question her self confidence. She went through therapy but discontinued shortly as became expensive.
As we began our relationship, we set things straight that we were purely going to get to know each other and become good friends first and then see where it takes us. As we got to know each other more, I started to fall for her and I saw her as the most precious human, still do! She’s got amazing qualities, she’s super funny, she’s kind, she’s the sweetest to literally everyone, she’s got a beautiful heart and soul, she’s sexy and whatnot. But we decided we were not going to say “I love you” until we meet in person.
During this time of us getting to know each other, she told me that she didn’t find me attractive physically and we don’t have an emotional connection like how she does with a few of her friends. And we convinced each other that it’ll take time for all that as we’re still getting to know each other. She used to make fun of how I laugh all the time when I’m talking to her, she’d make fun of the way I talk, the way I eat, the way I dance or sing( which I understand, I suck) but I used to send her pictures and videos of me singing and dancing for her while I was thinking of her. She used to make fun of those too and asked me not to do anything “extra” and just myself. That was me being myself and I felt that she didn’t like it, so I stopped it all.
She told me that her ex and all her ex boyfriends were charming and had a great personality. And it made me feel a little low thinking that maybe she doesn’t find me charming. Maybe I wasn’t her type, but she used to tell me that I’ve made her feel so comfortable that she can be herself around me and she likes that a lot. And she told me that this is helping her heal from her past as she felt that she wasn’t able to be herself in her past relationship before me. I felt good and I wanted to make her feel more comfortable, so, when the time is right, she’ll feel things for me.
She once mentioned that her friend and her were laughing about how they’re not into guys who are inexperienced and they would never want to get into a relationship with a virgin. Me, being a virgin, I told her I’d been with 3 partners and have had s*x because again, because of what she said earlier, I got scared and lied. I shouldn’t have. I was in three other relationships(each not lasting more than 2yrs) but never had sex because I wanted to have sex with the one with whom I’d be certain I’ll be spending the rest of my life with. I never felt that way with any of my exes and never had sex but did other stuff.
While her on the other hand, has had a quite a few hookups, friends with benefit with 1 guy, and had sex with all 4 other partners from her long relationships( each 3 year long). This was all before meeting me and I told her it’s good that she was experienced and I’ll probably get to learn from her experience.
6 months into the relationship, she had come down to my country and we spent 2 days together. I really wanted to hug her so badly and kiss her. But when we hugged, she said she didn’t feel any butterflies and it was awkward. This made me feel really low, but I told myself that she’s probably still healing from her past and it may take time for her corn around and open her heart for me. Never kissed. She asked me for a kiss after our “awkward hug” but I was scared that if we kissed and if she didn’t feel anything, she’d end things between us.
We met again 3 months down the road, this time we spent a solid 10 days together. I was really excited and I thought by now, she’d be comfortable around me and probably have feelings for me. She said she did. And by this time, she told me she loves me for the first time. And I truly believed it. We kissed for the first time, we made out a little and it was all good. But didn’t have sex, while we were foreplaying, she asked me to put it in and I wanted to but my dck in but it wouldn’t turn on. I never had a problem with my dck not working while masturbating, I used to imagine doing a lot of sexy things with my girlfriend.
Mentally, I was under a lot of pressure, that she has had amazing sex from her ex partners and what if I disappoint her. She did tell me that in her previous relationship, she had orgasmed 7 times in 24 hrs. I tried to not think of it, but subconsciously, I wanted to be good too, make her feel good and I wanted to make her feel satisfied. Anyways, when she asked me what was wrong, I told her that I was a virgin and she said it was okay, I shouldn’t have lied to her, she comforted me saying we can have sex later when I’m comfortable and wanted to make it special.
I felt supported and safe. It was good. I regretted not telling her earlier. During this meet, though we kissed not more than 15seconds, foreplayed a little, she was not comfortable with me touching her tummy, touch her bum, or even take a look at her p*ssy. I was fine with it, I understood that it may be because of her insecurities and I kept praising her how hot she was and how much I find her sexy.
This trip ended and we met again 4 months down the line, only for 5 days but we couro spend the time together only for 2 days. We hugged and she again, said the hug was awkward. We kissed, but never made out more than 15seconds, I was playing around with her body and this time she let me kiss her tummy and bum. But didn’t let me take a look her p*ssy and I was still fine. I understood her that she needs more time to be physically comfortable.
She went back and after a couple of months, I asked her why she used to push me away while we were kissing. Even during our hugs, I wanted to hug her tightly, but she used to tap out 5 seconds into the hug. She said it was because it was summer, it was too hot. Then later, she told me that those were intimate things and it takes time for her to be intimate with her partner. I tried to understand.
TL/ DR - What bothers me is, while she had her hookups, friends with benefit stuff, she was with a stranger and she would let them touch her anywhere in the body, she’d let them kiss her, make out with her for as long as they want, she’d let them look at her whole body while they were having sex, but not me. I’ve made it clear with her multiple times that I’m here for good and I want her to my life partner and that I love her, and yet, she’s not comfortable with me even after 1.5 years of our relationship but she has been comfortable with strangers whom she had just met.
It makes me think, that she either find me unattractive or she doesn’t look at me that way, yet. She tells me that she loves me, she finds me attractive and wants to get married to me, but I’m not able to trust her words because of her actions when we were together in person.
I love her to the moon, she is my freaking moon. But I don’t know if there’s something wrong with my thinking, maybe she doesn’t find me sexy, maybe doesn’t see me as a bad boy like her exes.
I mean, I know things will get better as we close the distance in 1 year when I move to her country but right now; I’m finding it very difficult to process the fact that she’s not comfortable with me physically even after all this time, but she’s so comfortable to kiss, make out or have s*x with a stranger.
Super Sorry for the long read. Please give me your honest insights.

Welp... I don't know if it's me and my pickiness or what but here I am resorting to good ole reddit. I have been single for almost 3 years now after a long term relationship. I took that time to work on myself and all the areas where I lacked and learned from my mistakes. Started to try and date again recently but I have learned that the dating apps are crappy, meeting girls at the bar or by going out end up to nothing, I can't seem to build a genuine connection with anyone.
A little bit about myself, I am an immigrant from Mexico and grew up here since I was 5 years old. I grew up with my basic needs being met and my parents gave me everything that they could and I am so grateful for that. That taught me to work for what I want and that is how I live my life. Anything you want you can achieve and or get based off of how bad you want it (super cliche, I know, but it is true). I did not finish college but I got into sales and I do very well for myself proving my parents and family wrong that you do not need a college degree to break the 6 figure mark. I am lucky to have a job that I love and treats me very well. I live a comfortable life along with my 4 year old Cane Corso. She is my best friend and has been there with me through the toughest times. She can be bit of a butthole when you first meet but she warms up pretty quick. I was raised to treat woman with respect, you treat your lady however you would want your daughter to be treated. I am a person that will show you respect from the get go, my trust has been broken many times but yet I give the benefit of the doubt. Seems like woman now a days prefer someone with no morals or respect to the other person and I find that sad. I deleted all my social media accounts like FB, SC, Insta... I found myself comparing my life to those online and there is a saying "Comparison is the thief of joy" so I decided to delete them all. I guess that is much more than a bit lol
All I want is to find someone that has the same values that I do. Family is a huge part of life. Hard work pays off. Honesty and respect is a must. I am emotionally mature and talk about how I feel, crazy how communication makes some people uncomfortable. I don't like to play games with people, I'm too old for that now. I have dreams and accomplishments I would like to share with someone. Single is nice and fun but having someone to talk to and have a real connection with sounds much better. If you made it this far, I thank you for taking minutes out of your day to read through it. Is there anyone out there that wants something somewhat similar to what I do?

I only just discovered that this was a thing so it's nice to see i'm not the only one.
I worked a remote job for many years and after long relationship ended i got curious and did a lot of travel and it was shocking the difference between the dynamic between the women in my home country of Australia and those abroad. Since then have exclusively dated women from abroad both while traveling for extended periods and at home. I am seeking a long term partner and have had a couple of great relationships that didn't pan out amongst other shorter but just as rewarding encounters.
I came back to Aus as the pandemic was kicking off and I don't know if this is frowned upon and not in the spirit of ppb but Australia has a huge migrant population and also a vast amount of people study here from abroad. I have met a lot of wonderful women from other places here who I felt were genuine and not visa hunting. A lot of them were also high achievers and intelligent but had excellent grounding / moral compass from their upbringings and were of course well traveled.
I still like to take extended trips but have found meeting foreign women at home just as rewarding for those who maybe have jobs that don't allow or other constraints. I like that they are here on their own merit too so i don't feel any obligation as far as their living arrangements if it gets serious.
I just wanted to mention the two recent experiences I have had this year. One was a Filipina and I also tried dating an Australian girl for first time in years...
So this filipina was cute as a button, highly educated completing a masters here and also working. Her attitude was so different to western girls and she always wanted to take care of me bringing food, affection and also sexually she did her best to ensure i was taken care of. The way she treated me made me want to step up to try my best to ensure she had everything she needed and treat her right with lots of love and care. It's all the small things I tell you! alot of it was very sweet cooking for each other and being lame. people think PPB just want a maid or to have some sort of power over their partner but I just loved how it was so reciprocal.
Then i should mentioned this Australian girl. Playing games with me from day one, saying things just to try and get reactions out of me, almost begging to be constantly complimented which was a turn on in itself. Her texts were also super passive aggressive and if i didn't play the game she'd mention oh some guy at work was flirting with me etc like i would be outraged. She was a perfectly lovely person to hang with but i got this feeling like it was a one way street. She wanted to be worshipped but she was so uncaring and cold why would i? She also seemed to think every guy she met or knew was madly in love with her but she was a pretty average person. I just thought her attitude stunk. really hot and cold.
I don't even know why i'm posting but there are so many great girls out there who aren't the spoilt brats we have here in Australia. Im not surprised when i see such i high number of interracial / international couples here in Melbourne. It makes me laugh because i have a lot of female friends and they are always the ones that comment on it when we are out with snide remarks. We are friends so obviously I think they are awesome company, funny and cool but they have the same attitude and wonder why they are single in their late 30's / early 40's now desperately trying to hunt down a man to shack up with or have kids.
I believe in equality for men and women 100% but i also think we are different creatures and theres nothing wrong with that. Being vilified by western women for being a straight white dude blows.
Finally I would say my favourite destinations have been in Asia by far due to the cost, food, proximity to Aus and wonderful people of both genders. Vietnam, Japan and Thailand are honourable mentions. Although with Thailand I stay clear of BKK or Resort towns.
My first post but i look forward to following the sub. I'm at the stage where i really hope to lock someone special I can marry and build something with so i like seeing so many genuine posts also.
Excuse the poorly written post i just typed my random thoughts on the matter. If i've made any blunders that aren't allowed here i'm sorry in advance!
Repost as last wasn't clear enough

After getting alot more experience, I have decided to rerelease my first script, with a few formatting changes. I wanted this and the rest of the ongoing series to match the standards of the other scripts in my library.
Note: monetization is fine, just credit me, send a link of audio, and ask before making any changes
Context: Damar and Listener have been walking for two days and have now managed to make it to the mountain where the Ruby Thunderbird lives. It is a long climb to the top and they have to be careful not to slip on the rocks.
Damar: The Thunderbird’s nest is at the top of the mountain. If it is abandoned, we may be able to find some stray tailfeather lying around. If it is inhabited and there are eggs or even chicks, we will have to deal with a mama bird. The males will usually go off gathering food while the females look after the eggs and young. That is going to be a problem.
…..
Damar: The reason the mama bird being here is a problem is because they are fiercely protective of their young. They will kill intruders on site. And since they can summon literal lightning from the sky, that usually means the intruders are electrocuted. I had a friend once who went to this nest on a dare. He unfortunately got spotted by the mama, electrocuted, and ended up in a coma for months.
….
Damar: Look, just because elves are immortal, does not mean we can never die. And I do admit, that we are also built stronger than you mortal, We do not die of old age. Instead, we can die from injury, sickness, poison, etc. (Worried )This is why I want you to be careful up there. It is hard to tell if the nest is occupied or not, so our best bet is to proceed like it is. Can you mountain climb?
….
Damar: Your dad used to take you climbing before he passed away? So, you at least know the basics. I am going to tie this rope around us, so I can catch you if you slip. We will go as slow as you want, but we have to make sure this is completed by nightfall. It is dangerous to mountain climb in the dark.
…. [Rope tying sound]
Damar: Now that we are both secured, let us begin. I will go last, so I can catch you if something goes wrong.
....
Damar: You alright down there?
....
Damar: Ok, just .... watch out! There's a loose rock!
[Rock sliding sound]
Damar: Gotcha! (soothing voice) It is ok now. You are ok. Do you think you can keep going?
….
Damar: No? Alright, you can just ride on my back for the rest of the way. Do not worry I will not let you fall again. Just climb on my back and secure your arms around my neck. If you feel yourself slipping again, just tell me so you can readjust yourself.
….
Damar: All comfy and secured back there? Ok, Thunderbird, here we come!
(Time skip Context: Damar and Listener are at the top of the mountain and are checking out the nest. There are indeed eggs there, with the mama bird guarding them fiercely.)
Damar: Shoot! The mama bird is here, which means we will have to tread carefully. Just stick close to me and step lightly. There may be old eggshells lying around, so if you step on them, they will make a lot of noise.
[Cracking sound]
Damar: Dang it!
[Hawk cry sound]
Thunderbird: (Telepathically) Why have you disturbed my nest?! Are you here for my eggs?! Do you wish to sell them?!
….
Thunderbird: Just for a tail feather, you say? And why should I believe you? You humans are all the same, greedy and selfish. The reason we Thunderbirds even nest on top of mountains is because you kept hunting us. How do I know you will not do the same to me?!
…. [Heartbeat and Flesh sounds]
Thunderbird: I have not seen a crystal heart this clear since I can remember. Normally, you humans have hearts that are pitch black, but this one is not like the rest. Why exactly do you need a tail feather?
….
Thunderbird: So you came to this realm to help your sick grandmother and you got roped into a deal with Queen Freyalise. That elf loves to make bargains and deals. It is basically her favorite form of entertainment.
Thunderbird: (Sighs) Because it is for a selfless cause, I will allow you to take a tail feather and leave my nest in peace. Just promise to never let your heart become as corrupted as your fellow mortals. And as for you, (Talks to Damar) you better keep this young girl safe. Believe me, good hearts are hard to come by these days.
Thunderbird: And as for your second task, you two are in luck. It just so happens that a mammoth Emerald Serpent has recently decided to move into the cave systems below. Just be careful, its venom is particularly nasty.
….
Thunderbird: You are welcome dear girl. And say hello to your grandmother for me. I hope to see her again one of these days.

Hey All!
Im new to this subreddit but pretty active on other music related areas. Anyways I wanted to ask a couple of questions to some more experienced people.
So I’ve been playing guitar for almost two years (started in august? of 2022) back then I was playing on school instruments or an acoustic at home. In November 2022 in a bad wave of depression I bought my first guitar. A $270CAD Pacifica Stratocaster. I also got a stand, some picks, a strap and a small Boss Katana Mini for about $130 CAD.
This was one of the greatest purchases of my life.
Since then my guitar (which named Stevie) is my best friend and I love her. She’s here whenever I need to jam out, play some raging thrash riffs or need a quiet moment to play something softer. She’s pretty versatile and she’s helped me through some difficult battles and I’ve also gotten a much deeper appreciation and respect for music in general since buying her.
In January or February this year I bought a distortion pedal as well which I thought was an okay purchase.
Last month I decided I wanted to upgrade a few things.
Over time my playing has become more complex and more in favour of metal riffs and louder or faster jams as well as guitar solos. I felt my small amp couldn’t sustain much more power or volume and it was dying a slow death so I upgraded my amp to a 60W JyxPro which sounds amazing both clean and distorted and cost around $290 CAD.
I also decided to make a bit of an impulsive choice which had been in my mind for a while (so maybe not super impulsive). I found when playing with Stevie I wasn’t getting the quality of sound that I was looking for especially with heavier or faster songs, so I started looking for decent guitars with humbuckers that were also built for metal.
This is when I came across an Ibanez GRG131RX in matte black and red (around $400CAD) . i ordered it online through amazon immediately and it just arrived this morning. This is one hell of a beautiful instrument and it sounds much much deeper and richer. It’s lighter, looks more aesthetically appealing and has humbuckers. As excited as I was to open up the box, there is a part of my heart that is a bit sad for Stevie.
Another problem I have is they are very similar. Same shape, similar neck, both have five pickups, a ten and volume knob etc. the only different is colour, humbuckers on the Ibanez as well as an extra fret.
TL:DR: just bought a second guitar after just over a year and a half of playing and needing some questions answered or advice.
So here’s my questions:
Now that I have two guitars, what should I do with each?
Will playing my new guitar (which I’ve named Melinda) make me play Stevie less?
Did anyone else feel a bit of guilt after buying a second slightly more expensive guitar?
What are the perks of having more than one guitar even though they look kinda similar?
Did I make the right purchase?
Thank you everyone!!!

I'm sure that title sounds a little melodramatic but I'll try to make a fairly succinct point to go with the sentiment.
I have spent so much time on earth waiting for something to happen to me. I think we all subconsciously think in our heads, one day, maybe with a little effort and good intentions, our life will come out alright. Nice and clean. Our life will finally be ready to be lived like a story, with a linear progression, everything falling into its place, eventually.
Of course anyone reading this that has been through any heartache in life knows that there is no beginning, middle and end. There are babies born every minute with decisions already made for them. There are good people dying every day who were perfectly decent if not understandably flawed, who had their life taken for no reason, suddenly. If they were lucky, they never saw it coming. Just like my brother, who died a month ago from an accidental overdose in a bathtub. He went to take a bath, made a wrong choice and.. that was that.
I don't know why I'm writing this. There's a lot of things happening in my life right now, but I know there's someone out there with this mindset I'm getting ready to address and I believe it may help some of you, who are as stubborn and set in their ways as I am, to come loose from the idea you hold so tight to and try and learn, along with me, how to take each minute as it passes.
Every word you've read this far is in the past. You can go back and reread it, but it's already there casting shadows in your subconscious. Every day you live, you're expecting something new to happen, if you're not expecting novelty, you may be expecting the same comforts or sorrows you face all the time. I want to say to you now: There is nothing you know or see, or will know or have seen, that will set itself in stone before the heavy hand of time erodes your expectations back down to the bedrock.
There's a human right now, lying in a soggy sleeping bag under a bridge, thinking about a women he loved years ago and to be antithetical, there's a human lying in a king sized bed in one of his many bedrooms, thinking of nothing or plagued by symptoms of the same thing the man under the bridge is plagued with.. Life, in all its thievery and abundance, is being placed in front of you one block at a time, measured in moments. What does it take for a person to be happy?
"There are some mistakes too monstrous for remorse to tamper or to dally with" - Edward Arlington Robinson
If you have ever made a mistake or a choice in your life that you regret and all that regret does is cause more pain to bubble up and faster inside you to come out as more poor choices, do away with your regret and start making new, better choices.
Imagine being in a blank room. A prison cell. A place with only your memories and nothing new but tye indents in the concrete walls to show you any more newness, until eventually even the walls are mapped in your mind, every contrasting bubble or imperfections. Pardeolia creating warped faces at you, mocking you from inside your evolved simian brain. At one time in your evolutionary journey, you needed those instincts, to see threats in the darkness, but now we have shines a light on all things, and hidden the things we deem uncomfortable. Now, we sit in a prison of choices, but not choices for life. Choices for moments. What kind of food do you want, what color shirt will you wear, what movie will you watch?
We were not meant to live lives like this, but we have no choice anymore. Society is a runaway vehicle, with nothing to crash into, forever building tension and suspense. That's why some many of us are so nervous and uncomfortable here. There's danger, but it isn't coming from the darkness anymore. It's not predation or a scourge or a war, at least not for the Americans. Not just now.
I'm begging anyone who is having a hard time.. Anyone who has made true mistakes and regretsbtjose mistakes. Anyone who feels like it's hopeless, just keep doing anything. I don't care what it is. Try and make it something nice and useful. Be kind. THINK about what you're doing. You and your girlfriend are arguing? Find some way to make it okay andbif it can't be okay, be okay with the idea that it isn't okay and turn your mind to the next thing. Are you waiting on life changing news? A diagnosis? A prison sentence? Something awful? Something great? It will be there, when it gets there. For now, there are sights and sounds that you cannot predict, coming for you at all angles. Appreciate that. Embrace whatever this is and be at peace with it. I don't care what you believe, you cannot tell me you know anything for sure. I know that I will learn and cry and be surprised and not so surprised until the day I leave this world. I watch my son and my parents learn about life at the same pace. There is no learning curve, except for perspective.
I wrote all this and doubt it will be read by many and it doesn't mean anything really..
I wanted to take some of my precious time to tell you, whoever you are, that you are going to be okay. Whether you are well-off, happy, miserable, terminally I'll or just browsing your phone. One day, something bad will happen. One day something good will happen. One day, you will struggle to understand. One day, you will stand in the midst of all knowing.
I am not preaching so much as I am imploring you, admittedly rambling a bit, to take your life as it comes. When you feel you are at the worst points in life, just keep going. It will end eventually and you'll be okay then as well. Hug your family. Love each other. If you make a mistake, try to make it right, but if you can't, move on with better goals. Make this world better than it is, because we all have to live in it.
That's all I wanted to vomit out at the moment. I love you for being human. Know who you are and accept it. Don't run. There's absolutely nowhere to go. Just ride it out until there's a sudden and heavenly release of your tension. One day, you'll have to let go. Start practicing for that moment. Believe me, there's plenty of practice.
Be well. ❤️