Birthday message to the lady boss

Ok so my(28f) boyfriend/baby daddy(32m) & I have 2 kids together & we have been together 8 years. For context we dont live together & he cheated on me a few years in, he begged, I stayed & we started to work on our family. The last time he cheated was with a coworker whom he ended up getting pregnant & says he made her have an abortion. (this info came out after I had baby #1 weeks went back and forth about this for months almost a year, he begged i stayed again)Anyway fast forward to now we have baby #2(6month boy) I find out on Mothers Day he’s cheating again with a different co worker.. I went thru his phone (petty i know but it was my intuition 😞) and read and saw every text and picture they were sending back and forth to each other. Even with the phone in his face and a message about having sex and oral sex he lied about being with her. I am genuinely disgusted because these messages were in the past week and i KNOW for a fact he’s been kissing my babies on thier faces — after literally saying he ate her out in the texts. I am furious, heartbroken & want to ruin his life. He is in a management role at his office & the girl he was chasing with works as his “assistant” basically and get this , when confronted she said she didn’t know about me or our children! Would I be wrong to send these texts to their main boss and have them both f’d up or I should chill and let it go bc the texts are about to be sent! Im already a single mother basically as i said he doesn’t live with us but he comes and goes and is financially supportive for the most part. Child support wont be needed as I also have a good job in marketing. I want to ruin him

no data just vibes that i feel like haven hates her and is also in on the my boss is a crazy internet lady. again no data just my intuition and wanted to share

My bf and I went through a hard patch. He has no one for family love and as a Hispanic family that I have, they love him like his own. He admit he’s a bit jealous of how my mom is sweet to me. His mom is a drug abuse and alcoholic. She told her two sons (my bf and his brother) that they were failed abortions when they were 8, The mother “Sania” was raised by her father who was in WW2 military and a stepmom who was always flying and both parents didn’t give her love but only money. Sania became a drugie and the husband stole 30K and left her because Sania was cheating on him with another drugie. At least that’s what I’ve been told. Both drugies didn’t care about the kids but instead they put them in a room and locked them with no food like animals. At Age 16 my bf escaped the house with his brother and came to their step grandma because she was all they had/knew. One day, his grandma who raised them since 16 died and Sania came, not to see the old lady dying but to steal some jewelry because she was known for being a drug abuse. She brought her pets (2 big dogs, 3 jellyfish, 2 birds and 1 fish) and car, her 2 kids because she became pregnant of the drugie age 25, and she brought her new Puerto Rico bf too, as if she was moving in. My bf wanted me to be with him through hard times but I had school and he didn’t, I had my job but he quit his. I was exhausted and I was there in the hospital when I could, and so were some of my fam members. My family didn’t have to see him, they did it out of heart. You must know I do not drive because of my mental illness. And I can’t take Ubers because I don’t trust them if I have a seizure. Anyway, The operated day I was at home didn’t wanted to see him because I was exhausted emotionally and who knew if all my emotions came out and I could have a seizure. He got mad and broke down and spoke to Sania that I wasn’t there. The next day, I came to the hospital and Sania in front of him, his brother, said quietly “fat cow” quietly that only I could hear. I’m 5’8 and I weight 149 so Im in a good shape. I said “sorry for not coming to the operation”. Then she said out loud “everything that your boyfriend said and what you’ve done is a disappointment, we will talk later”. I said “yes”. Acting as if she was my mom. My bf didn’t defend or said anything to her. He stayed quiet looking at his grandma in hospital bed. Don’t forget I apologized the same day of the operation for not seeing him through text. His mom spoke bad about me to him and telling him to dump me, until I dumped him. I couldn’t take hearing all his problems it was causing me anxiety. He apologized to me 3 months after his grandma death. And his mother left our city and I didn’t want him back until he brought me flowers, we hanged out and it felt normal. He joined an academy. So I accepted him back. It turned out he was going to another girl’s house behind my back with 2 more guys. I know I shouldn’t have checked his phone but he was being secretive. He stopped talking to her and I never knew if he cheated but he was “30 min from Orlando” at least that’s what the message said with hearts. And he met her parents. We’re together it’s been up and down. But we’re loving each other and going on dates. I’m still with him and he’s taking bout kids with me and we’re only 21/22🤨.

its not fun. growing older
its depressing alone to just wake up, go online just to feel something, feel included, seek just.... anything. support, hate, love, acknowledgement from strangers.
im even on reddit.
on my birthday.
when i could be in the city right now, enjoying my day with looking forward to life, my new age-number, with friends. and cake. lots of cake. feel noticed. and loved.
but no.
i woke up..
house all empty. quiet.
no messages. no calls. no wishes. dead air on all my socials.
got up from my bed and saw a sticky note on my door. 'happy birthday 'my name'. love you.' from my dad.
just one person.
i thought i didnt care, but...... this is kinda depressing. miserable. drains all the optimism away.
and its slowly getting to me so this is why im writing this. just to get it out.
honestly. i dont feel special. and its pathetic that im acting this way but this is just how i feel.
...some people out there right now, who share the same bday as me, might be having a blast.
while me...... im just,,, alone.
in my room. everywhere.
even online.
....ive been in a 'good place' recently.
didnt think about sui.thoughts for a month now? or 2. i dont know.
it came back today. and it has dropped my mood...way down
thought about drinking beer for the first time. thinking of anything that i could do to cope with this.... void.
....i dont know what to do.
i live in a town. theres nothing i could do.
.....guess ill just... slleep.
sleep all day to escape
i didnt sleep all night.. so yeah
im just gonna vanish into my dreams just to get through this day so it can be over

Previous Part
The first sound I heard that morning was foot steps outside my tepee.
“Get up! Shaoni wants you all in town.”
The gruff but familiar voice of my driver from three days ago shouted at me. It had to be some sick sense of humor on Shaoni’s part, sending this guy to come get me for things again and again. Honestly, even I was starting to feel bad for him. Bianca stabbed his friend I knocked him off that stage yesterday with one of the war clubs. I speak from experience when I say those things HURT.
“Alright alright, just give me a second to get dressed!”
I yelled back to the man as I rushed to get around inside. At least he had the common courtesy to stay outside. A minute or two later I stepped out to see everyone else gathered around the man. Brooke, Katrina, John, and Robert all stood there, just staring at me.
“Mornin’ sleeping beauty”
Robert finally said after what seemed like forever, nearly choking on laugher at his own joke.
“I thought you were never going to wake up. Did you not hear Shaoni last night? We were supposed to be up 6 sharp.”
He explained after his laughing fit. Apparently I had missed that bit of Shaoni’s whole presentation last night. Katrina grabbed a pair of keys out of her pocket and started walking away.
“Come on, we’ve got to get into town and finish this whole thing.”
She called back to us just a little too eagerly.
“She’s letting us drive? I thought she didn’t want us heading back to town without some kind of supervision.”
I questioned as we all walked toward the same beat up red pickup that had brought me here.
“I guess she decided to make an exception.”
Katrina replied, not even bothering to look at me.
“Besides I don’t think running is much of an option at this point.”
She continued, pointing up towards the sky. A storm was brewing there, a killer one by the looks of it. The odd thing was it didn’t seem to want to break, it was just stuck in that state right before it starts raining cats and dogs. The dark, angry clouds tapered off in the sky the further they got from town, Shaoni’s doing, it had to be.
The five of us would just about fit in the truck, not comfortably but we would fit.
“Oh hell no! I’m not dealing with you up here!”
“Why not?! You know you love it.”
Brooke and Katrina argued as he tried to take the passenger seat next to her.
“No you go in the back or I’m driving us straight into a tree, I can’t put up with you anymore.”
Katrina yelled at Brooke, tensing up and getting ready for a fight.
“Would you guys just knock it off! Just sit in the back Brooke, I’ll take the passenger seat.”
I scolded both of them, I was done with their little arguments, it was starting to get under my skin. An evil grin crossed Brooke’s face as he turned to me
“What’s up with you two? You’ve been all buddy buddy with him since we all beat the shit out of each other with wooden sticks. He didn’t get to you first did he? Hmmmm?”
Brooke prodded with a wink.
Katrina Immediately punched him in the face before I even had a chance to respond.
“Ey that’s a good right hook! Give em’ another one, come on come on!”
A heavily accented voice cut in from below my feet. Rocco had managed to slip in without any of us noticing. When Brooke lay eyes on him he just about jumped straight into the truck bed. Apparently whatever Rocco did to him yesterday had left quite the impression.
“I’m not even gonna ask, just shut up and take a seat.”
Katrina told Rocco, slamming her door shut as I took a seat next to her and Rocco hopped in the back. Robert and John pretty much made themselves flat to their doors as Rocco took a seat in between them in the back. Brooke rode in the bed, shooting nervous glances at Rocco every now and then.
Katrina drove like a bat out of hell through the woods and back into town. I’m not sure if she was in that much of a hurry to get all this over with or if she just hoped her crazy driving would throw Brooke overboard. Given where we were headed and how close we would probably be to Bianca, I can’t say I wasn’t hoping the same thing.
We pulled into the parking lot of the Save-A-Lot I’d gotten groceries from my first day here. The storm over head was raging but oddly enough It still wasn’t raining or anything like that. The wind was picking up and the sky looked absolutely sinister but other than that everything seemed fine in the town.
Before Katrina’s combat boots had even touched the ground she was already giving orders.
“Alright listen up, We’re working as a team this time wether you all like it or not. I want us to split up and see what we can find. Anything out of place, anything that seems suspicious, I want you to make a note of it. We have to figure out who the victim is going to be and who’s doing the killing. We have nothing to go on either so nothing is to small here. Lets all take a look around town and meet back here in two hours. That’s two hours sharp Keith!”
Katrina barked, taking charge of the situation and leveling one quick jab at me before turning on her heels and heading out into the town.
As everyone else hurried off in different directions I took a second to think. If I was looking for someone where would I go? Where in town would I most likely go no matter what? That line of thought is what led me to the front door of the Eagle’s Roost. Cliche I know, but a bar was a good a place as any to start, even if it was 8 in the morning. Maybe someone new had stopped by and Tuck would know something about it.
The door was unlocked as usual so I let myself in, if Tuck didn’t want guests I’m sure he’d lock it.
“Hey, Tuck? You in here?”
I called into the bar as I noticed the usually roaring stone fireplace had fallen silent.
“Tuck’s not here right now sweet heart, but I can take a message if you’d give me a moment.”
“Oh, ok take your time then.”
I answered before realizing the motherly southern voice couldn’t possibly belong to Tuck.
“Wait who are you?!”
I chirped as I rushed up to the bar and peered back into the kitchen where Tuck usually was. In his place was a dark skinned woman that looked a little older than Tuck. She wore a pink checkered shirt under an apron that read, “Kiss the cook”.
“My, I haven’t seen you around. I’m Richelle, Tucker’s wife.”
She answered. Her southern accent was smooth and calm. The exact opposite of Tuck’s brutal hillbilly speak that he tried to hide.
“Did he not mention me? He doesn’t like to introduce me to the new comers, always worrying about me that one.”
“No, I think he mentioned you helped keep this place running when I first met him.”
“He must like you then, most people round here don’t even know he’s married. Anyways what can I help you with sugar?”
Her motherly voice did wonders for my stress. I could see why Tuck married her, with just a few words I’m sure she could set anyone at ease.
“I was wondering if anyone new came into town or passed through here. Maybe someone out of place, something like that? Oh, and where’s Tuck?”
“Well I can help with both those things. There was a man here, got off a bus last night all alone and came right in. I don’t know what it was but I just had a bad feeling about him, made me shiver.”
She gave a little shiver at that, to demonstrate I guess?
“As for Tuck he’s been staying with those scientists and…. and I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone that.”
She explained, a look of embarrassment crossing her face as she finished.
Before I had a chance to respond I heard the door slam open behind me. I swore I heard someone shriek my name. All I saw before someone knocked me over the stool I’d been standing next to was a blur of black hair flying toward me, and bright glowing blue eyes.
Bianca wrapped me in a bear hug on the floor.
“What happened to you, are you hurt, how are you back!?”
She fired questions at me as fast as she could.
“Bianca, crushing my… can you just, ease up a bit.”
I pleaded as she squeezed me harder than a boa constrictor.
“Sorry! I just didn’t think I’d see you…”
She squeaked, trailing off suddenly. A single tear making its way down her face as she blushed slightly and released me. In that moment I realized Bianca, who had stabbed a guy not to long ago for grabbing her hand, just bear hugged me. I’m not sure what I felt about that but at the moment, I was just happy to see her and even happier that she was happy to see me.
“Shaoni let us back into town for the last of the trials. We’re supposed to stop a murder in town.”
“A murder?! Is that what you were asking about? Is that man a murderer? My, what is going on in this town.”
Richelle shrieked, reminding Bianca and I that we weren’t alone in here. I felt the hot blood rush to my face as I looked up to see Bianca blushing as well, even redder than before.
“So, did you end up finding anything out about Shaoni?”
I asked Bianca as we took a seat at the bar, getting straight down to business as Richelle started stress cleaning in the kitchen.
I was a bit surprised by what she said. I never expected Shaoni to be THE Thunderbird or a descendent of them. I was still trying to wrap my head around the whole thing.
“So she went into hiding here then? That cave we stumbled into that was connected to the mines. Was that her… nest?”
I thought out loud, hoping Bianca would have some kind of answer.
“I guess, that’s what Frank and Stein have been calling it too. Speaking of Frank and Stein we should probably go see them. We were planning to break you out today, guess we were a little late on that huh.”
Bianca said, getting up from her seat at the bar. I’m not sure reuniting with Frank, Stein, and the rest of them was the best idea. At the moment I didn’t have a whole lot of other options though. I got up and followed Bianca out the door, heading back to her house to call off their rescue mission.
“Good luck darlin’!”
Richelle called after us, I felt sure we could use all the luck we could get.
“How the hell’d ya get back here son?!”
Tuck asked as soon as Bianca and I walked through the front door. Rocco had already found his way back and had apparently been filling everyone in on what had been happening. Stein was unloading some sort of pistol with a long thin barrel on the kitchen table.
“I’m glad I won’t have to use this at least. It’s been… many years since I’ve had to take this out of storage.”
Stein explained to no one in particular while staring at the gun. No doubt it brought back memories of his time with the German military. Frank walked out of the basement at that moment and nodded to me.
“Glad to have you back Keith.”
He said, clapping a hand on my shoulder.
“It’s great to see you all but I can’t stay too long, I’ve got to go back.”
“WHAT?!”
Everyone yelled in unison, even Rocco.
“It’s the last trial and Shaoni is overseeing it personally. You see that storm outside? That’s all her, if I don’t go back she’ll know and I’m sure there will be consequences. Besides Brooke is here too, I don’t want to give him any reason to go looking for me and bump into Bianca.”
I explained to everyone, not enough to wipe the shock off all their faces but at least Stein seemed to understand. Just the mention of Brookes name made Bianca freeze up. Only for a second but I could see this tension pass over her whole body and her eyes suddenly glowed blue and widened with fear. I was paying so much attention to how she’d react to that name that I almost didn’t feel her reach out and squeeze my hand from her place at my side. She sighed quietly before her eyes returned to normal but she still kept my hand in hers.
“You can’t go back! We only just got you back!”
Bianca protested, but my mind was made up.
“I need to see this through and besides someone’s life is at stake. I should try and stop that at least.”
Bianca couldn’t argue with that, neither could anyone else. I could tell Tuck and her wanted to but they didn’t. All Tuck did was quietly nod his head and grunt. I could tell Bianca was running through every possible argument in her head to try and make me stay but wasn’t coming up with anything. Bianca let go of my hand and asked,
“Can I at least come with you? To help stop the murder I mean.”
She looked into my eyes like a puppy, begging me to say yes.
In any normal circumstance I would’ve given in immediately to that, especially coming from someone who looked like her. This time though, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t take the chance that Brooke would see her and something bad would happen.
“You can’t Bianca, I don’t want anything happening to you especially with… him out there. I think Shaoni offered to help him find you if he showed up for these trials or something like that. Either way I’m pretty sure he’s here for you.”
I told her as gently as I could. I could see her recoil at the idea that Brooke might be here just for her. She was scared, maybe more scared than she’d ever been that there was even a small chance of Brooke getting his hands on her again.
“I… no, no your right.”
I didn’t expect her to give in so easily but it was a welcome surprise.
“I hope you know what yer doin son.”
Tuck told me as I got ready to head back out. Frank and Stein cornered me before I could leave as well.
“Take this.”
Frank said, thrusting what looked like a jury rigged walkie talkie into my hands.
“If you need anything call us on that. We’ll help however we can, and don’t expect us to sit around quietly when you go back. We fully intend get you out still, no reason to let a perfectly good plan go to waste.”
I thanked them for the walkie talkie. I was glad they were still looking out for me even if I doubted they could do much against whatever was to come, it was good to have people in your corner. Bianca was waiting for me when I got to the door.
“At least I get to say goodbye this time.”
She said with a little smirk. She’d been acting different since I got back, much more… personable?
“Yeah I guess so. What’s been up with you? You’ve been acting… different.”
I asked her, a little nervous for some reason.
“You helped me… a lot actually. Your the first person who’s really cared about me in years.”
“That’s not true, look at Frank and Stein.”
I responded, missing the point of what she was saying.
“No, not like that. I mean your a friend, a good friend… no that’s not, ugh.”
She said, shaking her head and looking a little embarrassed. Then she did something I really didn’t expect, she leaned over and kissed me.
“Just… make sure you come back ok? For me.”
She added as she pushed me out the door, starting to turn lobster red. My head was spinning but there was a bug dumb smile on my face, I’m sure of that. Filled with all the confidence that brought me, I headed back to the Save-A-Lot to see what everyone else had turned up on the impending murder.
As I walked back lighting began to crack across the sky. The lightning took all kinds of unnatural shapes. I swore one time it almost looked like a pair of eyes, watching me from the sky.
“Alright everyone, I want reports!”
Katrina shouted like a drill instructor, bring the group of us gathered around the hood of the truck to attention.
“The elderly cashier inside, she was… disquieted. More so than I would expect of someone in this strange town.”
John spoke, saying the first words I’d ever heard from him in a wise sage-like voice.
“I looked around for some kinda police station but this shit hole town doesn’t have one. How the hell am I supposed to report a murder if there’s no police!”
Brooke complained to the crowd.
“So, you accomplished absolutely nothing, I kinda figured that.”
Katrina scoffed at him.
“Yeah there hasn’t been a police station here as long as I remember. We never needed one, everyone either moved on to fast or stuck around and just wanted to be left alone, never caused any problems. Still, it’s a little strange come to think of it, would’ve figured the government would make us have some kind of police.”
Robert informed us before giving his own report.
“I looked around a bit myself, didn’t come across much on account of there not being all that many people to talk to in this town. Those old scientist types in the big white house never answered the door when I knocked and I couldn’t find their daughter.”
To my horror Brooke’s eyes lit up and he was suddenly razor focused on what Robert had to say.
“I did see some guy I’d never seen in town before walking around. Didn’t want to talk much though, he just turned around and walked the other way as soon as he caught sight of me.”
Robert finished with a shrug. Brooke seemed less interested after he heard nothing else about the daughter Robert mentioned. Did he know Robert was taking about Bianca?
“Wait that strange guy, was he wearing an old hat? Some kind of bowler I think, looked really out of place.”
Katrina asked suddenly, her eyes lighting up.
“Yeah now that you mention it I think he did.”
Robert answered after thinking for a second.
“Damn it! He saw me and ran when I was searching around town myself. So next order of business we find that guy. Keith! Did you see anything else?”
Katrina asked, whirling around to face me.
“I stopped by the bar and the bartender there told me someone new came into town a few days ago. Apparently she had a bad feeling about him. Maybe its the same guy you two saw?”
I proposed, pointing to Robert and Katrina. Katrina paced around for a bit, thinking I guess. She finally came to a rest again at the front of the truck, apparently she’d come up with another plan.
“Alright, I want that guy in the bowler hat found so we’re breaking into teams of two.”
“Uh, isn’t there five of us, that won’t work.”
Brooke interjected, earning him a look of pure murder from Katrina.
“Keep that up and I’ll find that raccoon, you can pair up with him!”
She yelled completely over Brooke’s attitude.
“I’ll go alone, Robert, John, you two are together same with you Keith and asshole.”
“I have a name you know!”
Brooke complained, getting yet another look from Katrina. If he kept that up I had a pretty good idea of exactly who the murderer and victim would be.
“Alright alright Jesus lady cool your jets!”
He said, putting his hands up in surrender as Katrina took a threatening step towards him.
A few minutes later Brooke and I had broken off from the other three having all agreed to meet up back at the truck in another hour. Brooke had insisted we go to the bar and search for the guy but I had a feeling there was more to it than that. He proved me right when he ducked into an alley and pushed me up against the side of a building right on main street. Usually that would be instantly seen by someone but here wasn’t like anywhere else. There was no one around to help me out or even see what was going on.
“I know we’re supposed to be looking for a murderer but I’ve got other things in mind. That daughter Robert was talking about, you know something about her don’t you.”
Brooke questioned with a growl, arm against my throat holding me uncomfortably tight against the building.
“Daughter? What are you talking about?”
I choked out, deciding to play dumb. He didn’t like this to much and pushed me even harder against the wall.
“That raccoon mentioned her name the other day when the fuckin thing attacked me and it seems pretty buddy buddy with you! Bianca! ring any bells!”
I felt my face grow red at the mention of her name as I thought back to the way she kissed me at the door. That reaction betrayed me and the beginnings of a twisted smile appeared in Brooke’s eyes.
“Oh yeah, you know her don’t you? Know what she can do to I bet. Did she tell you about me, how she threw away everything I could’ve given her.”
He hissed at me, venom dripping off every word.
“At first I didn’t care but then I heard stories of this whore who could wrap you around her finger like nothing else. She’d do whatever you wanted but you’d also pay whatever she asked, do whatever she asked. Imagine my surprise when I started looking into it and it turned out to be my little escaped bird.”
Brooke continued, grinning like a mad man. He was obsessed with her, it didn’t take a genius to see that. But I was in no position to argue with him, I could barley speak with the pressure on my neck from his arm.
“They called her a succubus, the crazy ones at least. Turns out they were right though, there was something off about her from the first day I met her but I had no idea she was something exotic like that. See I make a habit of collecting things, rare things, and she’s the rarest I’ve ever been able to find. I was so close to having her at one point but she just had to break away. When I met Shaoni late one night researching the supernatural she agreed to look into her for me on one condition. I agree to show up in this town in the ass end of nowhere and participate in some trials for her. Easiest deal I ever made, now I’m this close to getting my hands on her again. Imagine what she could do for me, what I could get with her powers.”
Brooke finished his monologue, finally letting me go.
“Now you’re going to show me where she is and I’m going to get the hell out of here. Get going!”
He shouted at me, drawing a pocket knife from his white suit jacket.
My first reaction was to look around and search for a way out. I couldn’t fight him, that was clear. I really didn’t want to get stabbed either. My eyes darted around trying to find anything that could get me out of this. Then I found exactly what I was looking for on the other side of the street.
Katrina had found the man in the bowler and he was running back toward the Save-A-Lot like Usain Bolt himself.
“Katrina, HELP!”
Brooke whipped his head around, trying to catch sight of her before she did anything. Katrina wasted no time though. She took one look at him, pulled the gun from its holster on her waist, and fired. The crack of the bullet made me run on pure instinct and Brooke dropped to the ground. It hadn’t hit him unfortunately, but it had bought me enough time to run.
“Argh that bitch! I’ll find her myself!”
Brooke shouted before getting back to his feet and running the other direction. The guy Katrina had been chasing used the distraction to make some distance on her. He was nearly to the corner that turned towards the Save-A-Lot. I took off after him as Katrina did the same, ripping the walkie talkie from my pocket as I ran.
“Stein get Bianca out of there! Head out to the mine, maybe there aren’t to many people there now, just get her out of town! Brooke is here and he’s looking for her I’ll meet you once this is all over ok.”
I think Stein said something back but I didn’t catch it. The adrenaline spike of getting shot at and chasing this guy who was likely a soon to be murderer made it hard to hear.
We weren’t as fast as we hoped but we were just fast enough to see the consequences of that. As Katrina and I got into the parking lot the guy was already inside, pointing a gun of his own at the elderly cashier that gave me a hard time about my ID. I made out the movements of her lips just before he pulled the trigger. It looked like she said “Oh, you’re the one she sent then.” Just before he killed her.
I stopped dead when I saw the body drop, I’d never seen someone die before. In Imalone people had died but I’d been knocked out for most of it. Seeing it up close though, it made my stomach drop. I fell to my knees and threw up on the spot, the blood, god the blood splatter behind her it was horrible.
Katrina didn’t stop after the shot, if anything she charged in even faster. The gun was still in her hand and she held it up in front of her, using the weight of the gun to smash through the glass doors with the bottom of the grip. The shards of glass rained down on the murderer who surprisingly, seemed just as stunned as I was by the corpse. Katrina dropped her shoulder and charged into him, hitting him so hard they both fell to the ground. She was back on her feet quick as lighting, flipping the guy over onto his front and putting a knee on his back in between his shoulder blades. Katrina locked his arm behind his back and said something I couldn’t hear. At that point I kinda spaced out. The only other thing I remember before getting in the truck was Katrina leading the man out of the store with his hands zip tied behind him. The few people who were in the store had come out and were starting to pick over the scene as we shot out onto the road back to the mine.
I noticed one of us was missing when we came to a stop.
“Where’s Brooke?”
“I wasn’t waiting for him, not after whatever he pulled in town. He can find his own way back.”
Katrina answered me while pushing the man she’d apprehended out of the truck and toward the entrance to the mine.
“Are you doing ok? You looked a little white on the way out here, like you saw a ghost.”
Robert asked me as we got out and followed behind Katrina.
“Sure sure I just… never saw someone die like that you know.”
I said, never so sure that I wasn’t ok. Robert gave me a knowing nod as we made our way down to the coliseum.
Shaoni and Katrina were waiting for us already. Brooke was there too, beaten and bloody against the wall. It looked like someone had dragged him back here against his will, probably Shaoni if I had to guess.
“I can’t say I’m pleased with what went on in town but in the end you did discover the murderer, even if it was too late. Now it’s time for the second part of this trial. I want to hear your judgements, what should this man’s punishment be?”
Shaoni greeted us, ignoring everything that had gone on before like it didn’t even matter. Something about that made my blood boil.
“Katrina, you first. What should this man’s punishment be?”
“P please.. you said.”
The man muttered before Shaoni slapped him hard across the face.
“You will be silent!”
She ordered, the room suddenly becoming electric with her temper. Katrina stepped up in front of Shaoni and gave her judgment.
“He took a life, he should be killed as well. It’s the only way to be sure he doesn’t do something like that again.”
Shaoni nodded at that and pointed to me.
“You next Keith, what should we do with him?”
I was filled with a rage I’d never felt before as I looked at the whole situation. Shaoni was meant to be a spirt of justice, or so I thought. Yet she let that woman die. Worse still, after what the woman said I believed Shaoni may have arranged the whole thing, murderer, victim, and all. That’s not justice, that’s playing god, using her power and influence to mess with people like pieces on a chessboard and for what? Just so she could “test” a few people who’d caught her eye?
“You deserve punishment Shaoni. That man is innocent, you put him up to it didn’t you? Him, the victim, all of it! It’s all just some kind of game to you isn’t it?! You keep claiming you represent justice but from what I’ve heard you’ve had a problem with that. This is something else though, where is the justice in this Shaoni, where! I don’t pretend to know what you’ve been through over the years Justice, but this isn’t right. If it was up to me this man should be let go so he doesn’t have you whispering in his ear and you should go back to sleep like you had been years ago.”
I shouted at her, not caring what she would do to me. It felt good though, to finally let her have it, especially after all she’d put me through.
I learned Shaoni’s real name from Bianca but hearing it seemed to make her shrink. The second I said it I had her full attention.
“No! You don’t understand Keith! These people were terrible, guilty of their own crimes. I found them both and offered them a deal. Submit to my judgment or do something for me and face the judgment of another. They got their punishments, I’m no monster!”
She roared back, the beginning of tears brimming in her eyes.
“Guilty or not you used them like pawns Justice! None of this is right, there’s no justice in it, no right and wrong. It’s just a game to you! Don’t you see this is wrong!”
I yelled at her again.
“DON’T YOU USE THAT NAME!”
She thundered back.
“Would you prefer Vengeance?!”
I added, shattering her.
The mention of that name brought Shaoni to tears and she lost her temper. She threw her hand out toward the man still zip tied on the ground in an act of anger. The tattoos on her arms glowed with a blue, ghostly light. The energy grew until a bolt of lightning arced from the tattoos, filling the room with the scent of ozone. The bolt hit the man in the head, searing the skin of his face black in an instant as his body went still.
“You don’t understand, all those years, all those mistakes. Do you know what that…!”
Shaoni started to scream to me again, but she was cut off by the sound of vehicles above us and the cracks of gunfire.
I looked around in surprise, still in shock after the brutal death of the murderer in front of me. I saw Katrina holding her own walkie talkie and smiling.
“Looks like my ride is here, time to end this little charade. Keith, I’d suggest running if I where you. Shaoni, I’d say its been fun but you’re the whole reason they sent me out here in the first place. You’ve been way too much trouble but for what its worth, good luck.”
Katrina hissed at the two of us. Robert, John, and I were stunned, even Shaoni herself seemed shocked back to reality by whatever was happening. With her piece said, Katrina turned and walked out of the mine, towards the growing sounds of shouting and gunfire coming from outside.

Me and my dismissive avoidant ex broke up in June. He claimed it was for mental health reasons, I stayed and tried my best to support him. We had a conversation not long after where we both maintained we would maintain loyalty. A few weeks later someone tells me he’s on bumble, I could not believe it as he had never lied to me before. His bumble profile said he was ‘he was looking for a relationship’ it just didn’t make sense. But I left it, as he had told me at the time that his friends had created his profile not him. During summer he was diabolical, name calling, telling me he never loved me, just acting up in general. Things did cool down, and eventually we started seeing each other again. My birthday came around and I mentioned that I thought we would do something together, he got mad at me said I was ‘questioning him and calling him a liar’, so I waited.. and waited.. he never ended up doing anything for my birthday. On what would’ve been our 1 year anniversary, he told me he told his co-worker that.. your co-worker??? We met afterwards and he reassured me again and again he would never use the dating app. Fast forward to 2 weeks before Christmas we met to eat, and while discussing a couple we knew dealing with cheating in their relationship, he assured me he would never do that to me. While I knew that we were not ‘official’ I believe there was an understanding based on loyalty. 2 weeks after he supposedly went on bumble matched with someone in Scotland (a whole different country), returned my birthday gift, and first week of February when we were meant to go out to eat he told me just hours before he had switched days with his ex partner in taking care of his child and therefore couldn’t make it. I believed him. I just found out he had actually travelled to Scotland met this 35 year old lady and they had sex - he’s 26. He claims there was not cheating. The whole thing is just diabolical. He had now come back after 4 months of no contact, claiming he was ‘just toxic’.
I told him, that all I expect from him is to cut contact with her so we can try working on us, he’s said he won’t as ‘she didn’t do anything to me’. It’s just cowardly, as he told me it was not worth losing me over but she’s out here posting pics of their date over and over again, so she probs is being led to believe this will become more. Overall the whole situation smells of selfishness, and heartlessness.

It stormed in Starfall.
Perhaps elsewhere, too. Allyria couldn’t be sure. But a storm never kept a raven from its duties, and so surely that wasn’t an excuse for hers to have not yet returned from the North. Not that she was expecting a reply – she never got those from Widow’s Watch – but it was unusual for the bird to be gone as long as it was and Allyria tended to worry about them after a while.
“Maybe he’s stopped to roost with some friends,” she wondered aloud. Birds were social creatures. Not like her.
From the north-facing windows of her tower, Allyria could see that the ironmen’s structures had held through the lashing rains and heavy winds of the past two days and were now awash in noon’s sunshine. Those structures would eventually be home to however many Dornishmen who’d joined the Princess’ caravan thus far on their way to the Great Council.
Time was running out. They’d be here soon.
Allyria thought the sight of the waiting tents might make her sad – a reminder that Lord Erik had gone. But she had his gift to remember him by, and had already filled the secret compartment of the broken-looking far eye with treasures: a sea shell, a few coins, a small figurine of a sheep carved with wood and wrapped in real wool that was given to her when she was a child. She held the lens in her hands, fiddling with it as she gazed out the window in the hope of seeing black wings.
“I am talking to myself,” she said. “When I send letters to Widow’s Watch, I am addressing no one but myself.”
She had been writing the northern holdfast for years now. Allyria thought it a pity that star keepers outside the Citadel did not converse more with one another. She had never been North, and would likely never go, but she knew that the stars would look different from the peninsula jutting into the Shivering Sea than they did from here. Different, too, from Seagard and Bear Island. From the Fingers and from Claw Isle. But while Cailin passed to her the records of those maesters, there was none from that eastern holdfast – the small castle on the lonely strip of land jutting out into the wide, mysterious sea north of Essos.
She wrote them nonetheless.
Her raven always returned, but never brought with it a new message. What was done with the scrolls she attached – handwritten copies of her star charts, occasional questions and observations – she did not know. Perhaps the bird simply dropped them into the sea.
“I ought to stop talking to myself.”
Allyria gathered a few things and headed for the stairs that would take her down from her tower and into Starfall. It wasn’t often that she was awake during the daytime (she had the storm to thank for that) and she could do with some company.
Qoren was the obvious choice, but he had become difficult to find as of late. Perhaps it was because of the impending guests, but whereas normally he’d be waiting outside her chambers by nightfall, now she found herself charting the stars alone, occasionally opening the door to her tower in the hopes of finding him. But she was always disappointed. Tonight she resolved to go further than the top of the tower stairs, however. She’d go all the way to the barracks, if she had to. And it turned out she did.
“Qoren, milady?” The sentry outside seemed doubtful as to whom she was asking for. “The deaf one?”
“Yes, Qoren.”
“I think he’s in the yard with Lady Arianne.”
“Could you tell him I was looking for him when he gets back?”
Satisfied with his obligatory promise to do so, Allyria wandered up to the rookery a second time. Her bird had still not returned. The last message she’d sent Widow’s Watch was an unusual one, which was perhaps why she held out hope that this time, despite years of precedent, would be different. She’d written it half-awake after being pulled from a strange dream. In it, the Dornish Princess arrived at Starfall wrapped in long silk made from moonlight. She’d brought with her a chest and in it were the remains of Ulrich: his ribs, his skull, his arm. The chest was leaking blood all over the floor of the great hall, pooling at the Princess’ feet, but the hem of her silvery gown was not stained. It seemed to sit atop it, like oil upon water.
Allyria had described the dream in her letter and carried it to the rookery while still in her bare feet and nightgown, sleep crusted in her eyes. She’d been in the process of binding it with string when a final thought occurred to her, which she hastily scribbled at the bottom of the parchment.
If the sun sets in the west, how could darkness come from the east?
She pictured the raven stopping to roost in the rocky cliffs of the Prince’s Pass, her letter fastened to its ankle as it caught up with old friends. Perhaps they discussed her ramblings amongst themselves, swapping their own theories about what the cryptic message from the stars meant: darkness comes from the east. Perhaps they lined their nests with her parchment.
She meant to go back to her tower, perhaps catch some precious sleep before night fell and the stars came out, but Allyria found herself instead on one of the balconies overlooking the training yard. It wasn’t noise that drew her there, for Arianne and Qoren were quiet. The only sounds in their training was the shuffling of feet on sandy stone, a soft grunt here and there, the occasional muffled thud of steel greatswords on leather. Allyria wasn’t sure what it was that prompted her to pause and observe.
She leaned over the rail and watched them spar. They did not speak to one another, she noted, communicating only in nods and small gestures. Sometimes, when her sister was concentrating, she stuck her tongue out the corner of her mouth. But Arianne’s expression now was grim. She blocked and parried. She watched how Qoren moved his feet and imitated the motions.
Then, the sky darkened. For a moment, Allyria thought a new storm was rolling in. But this was a different sort of darkness. It was as though someone were slowly draping a veil over the whole world… except that she could see a thin layer of orange on the horizon, just beyond the castle’s walls. There, in the distance, it was day. But above Starfall, quite suddenly, it was night. The temperature sank, frogs in the banks of the Torrentine began to croak, shadows sprung up where none had been, and those that were there grew blacker, more distinct.
Allyira might have thought she were imagining things, but Arianne and Qoren had stopped their sparring and turned their gazes towards the heavens, along with every sentry on the wall. Around them, and around Allyria, too, guards were similarly staring at the sky in confusion and wonder. But no one spoke. They were all looking at the same sun – now a ball of black with only a thin halo of light around it – in a tense kind of confusion. It was disorienting. Allyria felt her heart thumping in her chest and realised, as though from a distance, that she was frightened. She had lived her whole life within these walls and yet the sight before her now was of another world.
So, too, were her sister and Qoren. Arianne was in the shade of the balcony but the steel of Qoren’s sword reflected a bar of silver light across her face. Beside her pale features, Qoren’s grew even darker in the black shadow – his dark hair was now black as pitch, his eyes obscured beneath black brows, even his armour, dyed leather, was black.
Darkness comes from the east.
Whole minutes passed before the day’s second sunrise seemed to happen before her eyes: the sky lightened, shadows returned to where they ought have been, and the sun grew bright and yellow once more. The frogs and the bank insects grew silent. Birds sang again.
Allyria flew.
Past guards, past guests, past the members of Starfall’s counsel, all headed in a panicked confusion towards the courtyard, Allyria ran. She took the stairs of the Palestone Sword tower two at a time, losing a sandal along the way but abandoning it entirely.
How could I have been so stupid? she wondered. Darkness from the east! It wasn’t the tree, it was never the tree!
In her chamber she found her desk in a state of disarray. Her work had been much more organised with Qoren’s involvement and the absence of it showed.
Darkness comes from the east. Dawn. Dawn!
She hadn’t yet found the chart she was looking for when she heard a pounding on the door. She ran to it quickly, dragging open the heavy wooden board and finding an unexpected face on the other side. Her confusion must have shown, because the steward began with his explanation.
“I don’t mean to disturb you, my lady, but a raven came and I thought you would want to read it right away.”
Allyria blinked.
“It’s from Widow’s Watch.”
She snatched the scroll from Colin’s hand the moment he showed it, unravelling it hastily as she rushed back to her desk. The astrolabe sat crooked on the wall. She didn’t realise she’d accidentally knocked it askew in her haste.
Pressing the parchment flat against her desk, she read the words written in an unfamiliar hand.
You are missing the second half of your riddle:
bringing with it dawn.
A drawing was etched beneath it and Allyria scanned the markings quickly. They painted a picture of the night sky, each star’s position carefully logged. The Crone’s Lantern, the Ghost and the Galley, the Sword of the Morning…
“It’s Qoren.”
Allyrica looked up from the paper at the astrolabe on the wall. The device that had deceived her.
“The next Sword of the Morning. It’s Qoren.”

To make a long backstory short, I've been in an off again on again situationship with a BPD (29F, severe cocaine and other stimulants addiction) person since November of '22. It was mostly off again, with a few on times, until August of '23 when it become mostly on. During the "off" time, she was in a relationship with a man who turned very abusive and she ultimately got a restraining order against
Basically, she is textbook BPD with a severe substance abuse problem and many narcissistic tendencies. Chaotic interpersonal relationships, heavy splitting, etc. We were recently going through a 2.5-3 week really good patch where she was treating me with respect, responding to my needs, being available, etc. Then came her female best friends birthday last Monday. I was supposed to go out with them but she ignored my text message telling me when to meet them at the bar. Now, I've known her best friend as a close platonic friend of mine about 4x as long as I've known her and her best friend is the one who initially invited me. So I showed up to the bar I was invited to at the time I was invited to be there. When she saw me, she freaked out and had a panic attack. Eventually she calmed down and said she was overwhelmed because so many people were hitting her up and her best friend was rushing her to get ready and she just shut down. Typical bullshit but I let myself buy it. Come to find out, she had been initiating conversation with her abusive ex that weekend and she was afraid I'd find out. Her best friend knew and was pissed at her, but covered for her.
Come the next Wednesday, we have plans at 5pm. I'm to go from work directly to her house and we get ready together to go out. The whole day goes by and I don't hear from her. So I contact her best friend to see if she had pulled a typical disappearing act or what and her best friend had not heard from her since the day before too. To make a long story short, we both find out together that she is currently and has been with the abusive ex all Tuesday night into that day. She finally responded to best friend and asked her to lie to me. I got pissed at her and she finally responded the next morning with no apology or anything, but asking me to do something for her. Which I initially declined but foolishly carried out anyway. I let her spin her stupid bullshit story and allowed myself to believe it, even though I knew it was trash. In the meantime, her best friend has been LIVID at her for seeing her abusive ex and lying to me and is in the midst of ending their friendship, saying tons of hurtful shit and just freaking out on her but that's another story.
Move to Thursday, I again am not hearing from her and around 8pm her best friend texts me "something happened. You need to call me ASAP". My situationship had texted her best friend a video of herself with a bloody nose and a black eye saying "he hit me. if you ever cared about me you'd let me hear your voice." Her best friend failed to fall for the bullshit and never replied to her. But around 9:30pm, I foolishly answered the facetime and heard her bullshit apology again and let her come over because she was so distraught. We then hung out Friday evening and Saturday most of the day and things seemed really good, she was regretful and sorry and acting very normal and loving. She had called the police and they were looking for the abusive ex. Her best friend also called the police to report that he was in violation of the injunction she has against him!
Well, come Monday, I again have heard nothing from her all day. I had therapy after work and talked at length about the situation and had gotten prepared to try to break things off for like the 5th time. I let it get to 8pm with no response to my 2 messages from earlier and I go to send something to her and I'm blocked! I knew immediately she had to be with the abusive ex once again. I sent her the "breakup" message I had crafted anyway on several social medias along with 4-5 other messages just sharing how flabbergasted I was about the whole situation. Then in the middle of the night, I had a moment of weakness being unable to sleep and I tried to No Caller ID call her (which is a favorite tactic of hers that she does to me every time I've tried to block her). And he answers, "who is this?". I just hung-up immediately.
It feels good that it finally happened in such an absurd and hurtful way. Typically, I've been the one trying to end things due to her bullshit then I let her come crying back to me with her hoover attempts. In the past, she's not been able to go more than 2-3 hours without a hoover but we're going on 36 hours no contact already. But I am still am cycling through periods of wanting to hear back from her vs being fully pissed off and done with it.
I apologize if the story is a little disjuncted, I have left out a huge number of details for the sake of brevity. The "anything is on the table" quote was an enjoyable one from a friend of mine when I told him about the recent antics. Sure enough, he was right! Even returning to your abusive ex 2 days after he hit you in the face and you called the cops on him was on the table.

Is there any way to go around the people lead? I've been trying to get my transfer handled since FEBRUARY! The people lead has ignored all texts and calls for the last month so I went up to the store yesterday and she acted offended I was there.
She tried to tell me she wasn't doing my transfer because "you were inconsistent" when every email and message with her and the night manager shows I'm waiting for THEM to respond or to send the manual transfer. She called once at Midnight, didn't leave a voicemail or text so I didn't know. My cell service has been iffy and my voice message even states I haven't been getting all the calls so LEAVE A MESSAGE!
The whole situation is frustrating when I've done nothing wrong 😫
Side notes... *I have no points, no disciplinary actions, was training for a higher position when the company cut remodel teams.
*This position was offered to me by the night manager I worked with for months before the remodel cut. I have multiple emails to my boss from the manager boasting about my work so I know that's not an issue.
*The people lead has NEVER worked with me so I'm not sure what "inconsistencies" she's speaking on. It honestly just feels like retaliation for missing ONE phone call.

Me and my dismissive avoidant ex broke up in June. He claimed it was for mental health reasons, I stayed and tried my best to support him. We had a conversation not long after where we both maintained we would maintain loyalty. A few weeks later someone tells me he’s on bumble, I could not believe it as he had never lied to me before. His bumble profile said he was ‘he was looking for a relationship’ it just didn’t make sense. But I left it, as he had told me at the time that his friends had created his profile not him. During summer he was diabolical, name calling, telling me he never loved me, just acting up in general. Things did cool down, and eventually we started seeing each other again. My birthday came around and I mentioned that I thought we would do something together, he got mad at me said I was ‘questioning him and calling him a liar’, so I waited.. and waited.. he never ended up doing anything for my birthday. We met afterwards and he reassured me again and again he would never use the dating app. Fast forward to 2 weeks before Christmas we met to eat, and while discussing a couple we knew dealing with cheating in their relationship, he assured me he would never do that to me. While I knew that we were not ‘official’ I believe there was an understanding based on loyalty. 2 weeks after he supposedly went on bumble matched with someone in Scotland (a whole different country), returned my birthday gift, and first week of February when we were meant to go out to eat he told me just hours before he had switched days with his ex partner in taking care of his child and therefore couldn’t make it. I believed him. I just found out he had actually travelled to Scotland met this 35 year old lady and they had sex - he’s 26. He claims there was not cheating. The whole thing is just diabolical. He had now come back after 4 months of no contact, claiming he was ‘just toxic’.
I told him, that all I expect from him is to cut contact with her so we can try working on us, he’s said he won’t as ‘she didn’t do anything to me’. It’s just cowardly, as he told me it was not worth losing me over but she’s out here posting pics of their date over and over again, so she probs is being led to believe this will become more. Overall the whole situation smells of selfishness, and heartlessness.

First of all, I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and support from the last post. A lot has happened since then, and a bunch of context is needed, so I hope you'll bear with me as I explain the details.
***
Back during the peak of the blinking crisis, I remember having a lot of difficulty sleeping. It was common for me to average only four or five hours a night, and the little sleep I did get was marred by terrible nightmares. One in particular recurred many times.
I was only eight, but somehow I was in the driver's seat of our family's old SUV. My arms were long enough to steady the wheel, but my legs didn't quite meet the pedals. It didn't matter though, since the car seemed content to continue on at a constant pace. I looked over and saw my mom in the passenger seat. Her face was a blurry likeness pieced together from the dozen or so picture's I'd seen of her over the years. I tried to bring her into focus, not only because I missed her dearly, but because she was speaking—pleading, even. She waved frantically at me, then brought her leg up and slammed it down on the floor mat several times. I didn't understand what had her so upset until she pointed out the front windshield, and I saw we were hurdling directly toward a giant tree that had fallen in the middle of the road.
Panicking, I stomped for the brake, but my seatbelt protested and pulled me back like an invigorated dog on a short leash. I sat up and tried clicking it off, but it wouldn't budge. My breaths became hollow cries, and I felt my heart beat against the bars of its bony prison. I grabbed the steering wheel and pulled it to the left, then right, attempting to swerve off the road, but it was as if whatever kind of glue was locking up the seatbelt was also fixing the steering wheel in place.
"Mom! what do I do!?" I yelled, tears streaming from my eyes. She was yelling back at me, but it was as if there was a divider between us, and neither of us could hear each other. I turned back just in time to see the giant Oak tree meet the front bumper, and then I jolted awake with a piercing pain in my chest that radiated up through my throat in the form of a giant scream. My little legs kicked under the covers and tears rained down on my pillow until my dad ran in and knelt at my bed.
"Lauren, are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?"
I grabbed my pillow and hugged it so my face was covered, then effused a "Mmm-hmm" in a long wheeze while rocking to either side.
"Oh, honey," he soothed and brushed my hair, then the tears from my face when I would allow it.
Time would pass in silence, and when I began to get the sense that my dad was ready to leave, I'd chirp out, "stay" in that way children do when they're embarrassed about wanting something.
"Always," my dad would reply; then he'd post up on the floor with my large tomato plushie as a pillow.
One night in particular, it was deep in the night, and I had woken to a tapping sound outside my window. I was so afraid that a monster had snuck into my room while I wasn't looking that I made him lay next to me and face outward. I'd peek my eyes open every minute or so to check and make sure my dad was there, staking out the room. Eventually, he rolled in close and said something that I still remember to this day.
"Hey, baby, guess what." he whispered.
"Mmm" I mumbled.
"I think you scared the monster away."
I tried to picture this through the fog of my fatigue. Something seemed off about the statement, like it wasn't logically possible, but before I could piece together the words to express that, my dad cut back in.
"It was scared because it realized you're a superhero. And you know what your greatest superpower is?"
I shook my head, making sure to rub my forehead against his shoulder so he could sense it in the dark room.
"You're greatest power is that you get to tell the monsters what to do. Because the monsters are only as strong as the stories you tell about them. And there's all kinds of stories. Happy ones. Sad ones. Scary ones. Tell me, this monster you think snuck in, would you say he's part of a scary story?"
"I don't know," I said, confused. "Maybe"
"Hmm," he hummed, contemplating. "Well, I want you to remember this. You have the ability to tell any kind of story you want. Maybe there are monsters, but that means there's heroes and angels, too, right?"
I was beginning to doze off to the comforting sound of my dad's deep voice, but I gave another affirmative "Mm-hmm".
"So, if you're ever scared, honey, just dream up a better story. A story that will bring you peace. Do you understand?"
But I was already out.
***
I woke up the next morning to the feeling that someone was in the hotel room with me. The drapes were drawn and the only sound was the AC unit blowing cold air, but when I looked toward the dark corner of the empty coat rack, my mind conjured the face of my dad, smiling at me, chanting that same, awful line—Oh, Lauren… you know who we are.
I was no longer a child, but it took a couple minutes of cold focus before I muscled the courage to ascend from the safety of my covers and flick on the lamp light. The small amber radius extended to where my dad's feet would have been if he was standing there. But there was no one. I let out a sigh and collapsed back onto the mattress, thinking back on all those years growing up. The same man who had helped me conquer my fear of the dark was now the monster hiding in its shadow.
I looked over my shoulder and saw the clock read 10:15. My meeting with Trent was in three hours. I moaned and stretched my arms back until they knocked against the headboard, then I collapsed back onto the mattress, meditating, gathering energy like a compressed spring. All at once, I jumped up and glided over to the drapes, opening them in a single, fluid motion. I grimaced at the sunlight, but the warmth felt good against my face. I stopped by the nightstand and gulped down the final few swigs of a bottle of Mello Yello that I had purchased from a vending machine the previous night, then undressed and hopped in the shower.
The warm water wasn't enough to wash away the previous night's memories. When I closed my eyes to lather my hair, I was back in my living room, standing opposite the demon that had taken on my dad's form. His smile. His laugh. It was like someone in my head was flipping a switch between the man I loved growing up and a terrible monster. But the fear was more powerful. I heard something drop onto the tile floor on the other side of the curtain. The noise made me gasp, and I opened my eyes while shampoo was still streaming down my face. I swiped the shampoo out of my now burning eyes and squinted at the curtain, trying to see through it, but I couldn't make anything out. "I-is anyone," I started, trembling, afraid to finish the sentence. I reached out and pinched the end of the curtain. My heart was in overdrive. I swallowed, then pulled it toward me and peeked out. I scanned the room, but I couldn't see anything out of place.
It wasn't until after I finished showering and wound myself up in one of the hotel's too-small towels that I saw what had made the noise. I bent down and picked up the stub of a razor blade that had fallen onto the tile right next to the puffy, gray shower rug. It wasn't mine, and I was pretty sure hotels didn't keep unguarded razor blades just laying around. When I held it up, it occurred to me that if it had simply fallen a few inches to the left, it would have been buried in the rug, and perhaps I would have stepped on it. I stared at myself in its steely reflection. Cold. Lonely. Small. What if I—was all I was able to think before the blade blinked out of my hand.
I threw on some clothes, packed up the few belongings I had into my purse, then checked out of my room. I didn't feel safe going back home after what happened, but I also didn't want to go anywhere else. I got in my car and drove aimlessly up and down the town's streets, focusing only on the car ahead of me. Anytime I started to travel down an avenue of thought, I'd make a turn, or speed up, or hit the brakes: anything to keep my mind distracted. It was sweltering outside, but I'd turn the heat on for minutes at a time until I felt drenched, then toggle max AC until I was cool, then back to heat. I repeated the basic driving tenet "10 and 2", "10 and 2", "10 and 2" like a mantra—a chant to focus my attention on a single point, and then I pictured that point disappearing. I began to think that maybe I wanted to disappear.
I fully intended to keep going that way until 1:00, but after about thirty minutes, my meandering route had led me to St. Mark's Catholic Church, where a large group of people were gathered around a long line of tables in front of the building. I slowed down. At the front of the venue was a large, white cardboard sign which read, "Plant a Seed, Share the Joy". I wasn't sure what that meant, but my boredom had come to a head, and I rationalized that if there's any place on God's green earth that would be safe, it was this one. I parked along the closest side-street, then walked over to the church.
Rows of white tables were covered with cardboard boxes filled with small plants that were wrapped up in individual paper pots. I watched from a distance as people behind the tables carefully removed the plants, one by one, and offered them to passersby. I continued down the line, a sheep in the herd, and allowed myself to sink into childhood memories. I had somehow made it out the other end near the Narthex when I heard a woman's voice call to me.
"Hey, deary, have you gotten one yet?"
I turned and saw a small, gray-haired lady with rose-colored glasses. "Oh, no," I started, attempting to decline, then paused. The old lady grabbed one of the plants and held it out for me.
"Here," she said. "Come on, I won't bite."
As far as you know, I thought, and stumbled forward with a sigh. "Thanks," I said and took the plant. "What is this all for, anyway?"
"It's a giveaway," the old woman responded. "Staff have been growing these plants—tomatoes and garlic, mainly—so they could offer them to members of the Parish. The idea is to have the members grow the produce, then donate it to St. Mark's Food Pantry to give to those in need."
"Oh, that's actually pretty cool." I replied and inspected my plant which was at present nothing more than a small green stem. "So which kind is this one?"
"That one is—" the old lady stopped and inspected the other plants near where she had grabbed mine—"tomato."
"Tomato," I repeated. "Well, thanks again."
"Of course, dear." the old lady beamed. "We're all responsible for each other."
I nodded, then continued back through the crowd toward my car when, through the large vestibule windows, I saw a Priest speaking to a young couple. It had been a little over a decade since I had attended a service (I stopped going during High School when I started studying other religions), and I didn't recognize this Priest. He was short (just over five feet tall), bald, and African American. He wore the customary black robe and white collar, and there was something in his smile and the way seemed to be affirming the couple that made me yearn to speak with him. I considered for a moment, a bit embarrassed to be stepping back into church after all this time, but the thought of being able to burn ten minutes talking with someone who might have some insight into my situation was too tempting to pass up.
I waited near a portrait of Mary Magdalene, my tomato plant in hand, staring off at the pristine series of stained glass images portraying the death and resurrection of Jesus. About a minute in, the Priest met my eyes; he smiled, his way of telling me he knew I was waiting, then finished up with the couple and made his way over. He had a bit of an accent when he spoke—it was Ugandan, from best I could tell—and a proclivity for laughing at the end of his sentences.
"Hello, Miss, I don't believe I've had the privilege," he said and held out his hand. He leaned in as he spoke, and his smile tugged on the corners of his eyes which were already marked with use.
I shook his hand and returned what I'm sure was a weak smile. "No, I don't think so. My name's Lauren. I used to come here when I was little. It's—been a while."
"Well, I see you picked a good day to visit. If you're into gardening, that is." He remarked with a laugh and gestured toward the plant. "It's nice to meet you, Lauren. My name's Martin—Father Martin, if you prefer."
"Father Martin," I repeated, "I have a friend named Martin. It's a good name."
He laughed and said, "Thank you, I'll pass that one along to my mother. She loves the praise."
I laughed back. He carried himself in such a carefree way that I was put immediately at ease. Almost to the point where I forgot what I wanted to talk to him about. "Um," I started, attempting to word my question in a way that didn't sound like I needed psychiatric help. "I have a couple of religious questions for you, if you have time."
"That's what I'm for. Ask away."
"They're about… miracles. Like the ones in the Bible. I was wondering, do you think that miracles still happen today?"
"Miracles, huh," he started. "You mean like water into wine?"
"Kind of, yeah,"
"Hmm…" he contemplated. "Well, I haven't seen them, myself. You know, I may be a Priest, but I also have a degree in Physics. I think God made the world according to laws, right? But I do think God has the power to intervene. Yes. I just have never seen it… like … you know, the biblical type of miracles. To me, there are miracles happening all around us—miracles we can't see."
"Exactly," I responded, thinking about how no one else could see the blinks, "those kinds of miracles. What are those miracles we can't see?"
One of Father Martin's eyebrows raised and he rubbed his chin. "Well, I think the greatest miracle is the miracle of God's love which was perfected in Christ and offered to each of us. It's his power to heal even the most troubled mind. By coming into alignment with God's will for us, we can see the true purpose of this existence."
No, he's not getting it, I thought. I scrambled to my other entry-point. "What about the story of Job? God made a bet with the Devil that Job would stay faithful to him no matter what the Devil did to him. Do you think that kind of situation is possible?"
Father Martin's expression drooped into a concerned frown. "There's quite the difference between miracles and the story of Job. I suppose I see what you're getting at, though. Job's suffering is in some ways the antithesis to positive miracles. In this life, we are tested, sometimes to the point of losing everything, but even that person who has more reason to hate God than anyone else can once again find peace and eternal happiness through faith. In fact, it's often the person who is lowest in the pit of suffering that needs the Light of Christ more than anyone else."
I thought back on the first night that I prayed. It was in my moment of greatest helplessness that I reached out to God, and I thought I had found my answer in Him. But now, after what happened last night, after all these years of chaos—not merely losing things that were important to me, but my very sanity—I needed more than just blind faith. I couldn't just sit idly by and hope things would get better. I smiled at the Priest and said, "Thank you, Father, this has been very insightful."
"Of course, sister. I'm sorry if I couldn't have been of more help."
"No, I think I understand now. I've been… wrestling with something, and I think God wants me to confront it. I think I've been running away and hiding from it for so long that I'd convinced myself it disappeared."
Father Martin nodded in understanding. "Well, in that case, will you let me leave you with a prayer?"
I was a bit taken off guard by the request, but I accepted. "Sure, Father."
I watched as he made the sign of the cross, then he lifted his hands and closed his eyes. "Dear God, I am so happy to have had the privilege of meeting with Lauren today, especially on a day such as this where we are offering gifts for those who need them. You have heard her desire to confront the things that are troubling her. I ask that you bless her with strength and peace and a clear conscience, that she may overcome these challenges. God, bless us with your spirit, that we may see your hand in our lives. Amen."
"Amen," I said.
As I was leaving, Father Martin called out to me and said, "Oh, just so you know, this Friday at 7 we are having a barbecue at the Parish Center. I would love to see you there, if you're able and wanting."
Turning back, I smiled and said, "Oh, ok, thanks Father. I'll think about it."
The priest nodded, and with a smile, he sent me off.
***
I walked into the Deli at 1:00 on the dot. The customers who had arrived for the lunch rush were already cleaning up their trash and heading out. I dodged past a few of them on my way down the long, narrow path leading to the front counter. While I waited behind a couple of elderly folk who were picking which soup they wanted to pair with their Ultimate Grilled Cheese, I looked around for Trent. He hadn't sent me a picture or any way of contacting him throughout the day, so I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I figured I'd see some man half-hidden behind a newspaper, scouting me out. Maybe I watch too many movies, I thought.
"Ahem, ma'am. You're up." croaked the teenager behind the register.
"Oh, right, sorry" I replied and stepped up to the counter. "Uhh," I muttered, scanning the menu for something that looked edible. "Could I just get…" I made sure to mouth every syllable as they were words of their own.
"We have a deal—the try two combo. Sandwich and a soup for $9.99." the cashier repeated for what was probably the fiftieth time that day.
"Yes, that sounds good. I'll do the Italian sandwich and potato soup. And a drink, please."
After I paid for the food, I wandered around the tables, hoping to find someone who looked like a Trent. I was picturing a short guy, runner's build, with long brown hair, tucked somewhere neatly away in the corner. So I was not prepared when the Hulk's stunt double growled my name from a table smack dab in the middle of the restaurant. He had a pale, square face that was spotted with freckles and a sinking property that comes with the lethal combination of stress and age. His hair was relatively short. Probably it was brown or auburn, but since it was slicked back, it looked almost black. And he wore what looked like janitor coveralls. There was even a cloth tag pinned to his chest which read, "Trent".
"Lauren?" He repeated.
"Yes, that's me." I said and took a seat across from him. I saw a brown tray on the table in front of him, and on the tray was a large, white soup bowl. It was empty and beginning to crust along the edges. He must have been here for some time already. "I didn't know where you'd be, so I was worried we might miss each other. I'm glad you found me though." I said while looking over Trent more thoroughly. His large hands were stretched out in front of him on the table. He wasn't wearing a ring, so he probably wasn't married. And his face, it was stern. He seemed like a no-bullshit kind of guy. Then I saw his eyes. They were sapphire blue—probably the most stunning I'd ever seen.
"We only spoke on the internet, so I hope you don't mind, but I usually run a preliminary test on anyone I meet who claims to have abilities such as yours." Trent said while reaching into his pocket and removing a device that had the size and shape of an electric razor. "All you have to do is look into it. It takes maybe five seconds. Ten at most."
"Oh, um, sure," I said reluctantly. "Do I just—" I asked while reaching for the device.
Trent clicked a button and released the cylindrical head which opened, revealing a glass circle about the size of an iris. "I'll hold it, just look into the center. A red cross should appear, then it'll take the picture."
"Okay…" I replied and did as he instructed, leaning my head forward to look into the device. Sure enough, a red cross appeared. "Is it…" was all I got out before the light turned blue and I saw a gray fog disperse and billow throughout the inside of the tube, extending for what I perceived to be miles. My jaw went slack and I couldn't breathe for maybe five seconds. Then Trent reshuttered the device and turned it over.
"Damn, 72." He said with a hint of shock. "That's the highest I've scanned to date." He looked back at me, more relaxed now, and muttered to himself. "How have you been able to function for this long? At this level, you should basically be half in, half out."
I rubbed my forehead, feeling a mixture of pain and frustration and fatigue and impatience which all poured out at once. "Listen, Trent," I said as sternly as I could, "I came here because you said you knew what was wrong with me and that you could help me. I get you have to make sure I am who I said I am, but now it's your turn to pay up. How do I know you know anything about my condition? You said my mom might still be alive. What does that even mean? I saw her die right in front of me. I want answers."
I waited for Trent to respond, but he only lifted his head. I turned around and saw a girl holding a tray of food.
"Um, hi, sorry to interrupt. I have an order 36 for Lauren."
"Oh, yes, thank you." I said. The worker placed the tray down on the table in front of me, and when I saw the food, I suddenly realized how hungry I was. Trent must have also realized this, because he folded his arms and said, "go ahead and eat. I'll explain while you do."
I wanted to protest, but my salivating mouth made other plans. "Fine," I said. I grabbed the metal spoon off the tray and started on the soup, bracing against the steaming heat of the potato chunks.
As I ate, Trent moved all of the items on his tray off to the side, then he flipped the tray over so it was raised slightly off the table. He took his cup and placed it face down in the center, then he rolled up a few of his used, blue mayonnaise packets and charted a track across the tray.
"What are you doing?" I croaked out between bites.
Trent ignored me and continued by ripping up a napkin into strips and placing them alongside the mayonnaise packets. Finally, he snapped ten toothpicks in half and stuck them in the tomb of a dozen overlayed napkins. "It's your diorama," he said at last.
"It's my what?"
"From the story you sent me. Your diorama. When I read about it, it gave me a good idea of how to explain the 'blinking'."
I pointed at the cup in the center. "Is that supposed to be a pyramid? Because I'm pretty sure you're in the wrong geometric neighborhood with that one."
"It's an analogy," he said.
"Of an analogy," I quipped back.
"Look," he picked out one of the toothpicks and held it out in front of me. "This could be a person, an animal, a crowbar—whatever you want. The point is, this diorama is a stand in for our universe. This is everything that exists, that we can see. Okay?"
"Okay,"
"Now, me," Trent placed a hand over his heart. "I'm not in the diorama. I don't exist in the universe."
"In the universe where a cup is a pyramid, or the actual universe?" I said, unable to control myself.
Trent grimaced.
"Sorry, keep going. I get it."
"Things pop into," Trent threw the toothpick back onto the tray, "or out of," he picked the toothpick back up, "our universe at will, based on forces," he patted his chest again, "that exist in other realms" he gestured to the room, "that are connected to our universe," he tapped two fingers against the tray. "These things could be objects, like, say, a toothpick, or entities, like the one you encountered yesterday. The blinking experience that you described aligns with the typical experience of a moderate Antenna. That's what I call people like us—Antennas; because we can pick up on signals others can't."
"We—you mean you see the blinking, too?"
"Yes, but not to the same extent as you. If all the blinks are gathered in a giant picture that you can see, I'm traversing the image through binoculars, maybe even a microscope, depending on where we are."
I thought about this. I guess it was possible there were other people like me out there, but since I had never met anyone, I didn't really consider the idea until now. And then for him to say my ability was somehow much stronger than his… "But," I started, "I haven't even seen that many blinks since I was a child. It's just more focused and malicious now."
"Yeah," Trent scratched his head, "that's the thing that got me really interested in you. Somehow you seem to be able to control it without gear, just by praying. And, look, that's all well and good, but I don't want to give you the false impression that I'm some kind of religious leader. I like to look for logical, scientific explanations for things. So that's the frame I'm coming at this from."
I took a sip from my drink. "That's fine," I said, "the truth is that's why I reached out to you in the first place. I wanted an explanation I could understand. An explanation that was directly related to what I'm going through."
"Then we should get along just fine."
I was scooping out the last potato that was stubbornly gliding along the bottom of the bowl when, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the old man from the line shooting up from his bench and standing in army-erect form. I felt a tingling sensation tickle the back of my neck. I didn't want to turn toward him. I knew what I'd see if I did. "Trent," I whispered, trying to tip him off.
"Huh?" he grunted. Then when he saw my expression, he snuck his right hand under the table and said, "Do you see it? Is it here?"
I cocked my head to the left, signaling toward the old man that was now facing us, but Trent didn't seem to notice him: his eyes just kept scanning the entire front of the restaurant. Then I saw the old man take a step in our direction.
"Lauuurennnn, oh Lauuuurennnn, I've been looking for you, Laurenn." The old man said in a low, gravelly voice that gave the impression he was gurgling liquid tar. I turned and saw his face. It was cold and expressionless, and a butter knife was poking out of his left fist. When I met his eyes, he smiled that horrible smile."You're a slippery bitch, you know that?" He spat. "Why can't you just stay put? Don't you get tired of running from your old friend? Or have you forgotten about me?"
"Trent," I mumbled out. "Right there."
"And this guy. You think he can help you? He's only here to help himself. If that's not clear, you really are a lost little lamb."
"Quick, give me your hand," Trent instructed.
I was silent, my eyes still pinned to the old man.
"Tsk-tsk-tsk," the demon possessed senior wagged his finger at me, taking a step, then another step, shortening the distance as much as he could while I was entranced. Then, suddenly, he sprinted forward at a speed that shouldn't have been possible for a man his age.
"Trent!" I screamed.
"Lauren, give me your hand!"
I spun around and grabbed Tren'ts outstretched arm just as the old man lifted the butter knife over his head like a pickaxe. Then I saw Trent pull out what looked like a toy gun from under the table and point it at the demon.
"Got you," Trent remarked. I braced for a gunshot, but there was no noise. After a couple seconds, I looked back and saw the old man sitting in the booth opposite his wife, his hand tremoring as he reached for his large drink.
"What did you?" I asked, but Trent was already pulling me out of my seat. "Come on, we have to go," he said, "the effect is temporary, he'll be—"
Before he could get out the last word, I saw the cup-pyramid on Trent's tray blink out of existence. The sound of a plate shattering rang out from a table up ahead. The lone woman standing there slowly turned around, smiling, with a fork in one hand and a piece of the broken plate in the other. Trent shot her with the toy gun as we ran past and then barreled through the front door.
"Where—are we going?" I asked between gasps.
"My van. It's loaded with kit."
"And then where?"
"Your house" replied Trent who stashed his gun back in his pocket and took out a key fob.
"My house? But that's where he—it appeared."
"Yeah, and that's where you banished it."
Trent waved me into the passenger seat of his RAM 3500 Promaster. I noticed right away the dash which looked more like it belonged in a new limited-edition EV than a cargo van. The ignition kicked on automatically, and I heard the beep of a sonar ping precede an English woman's voice calling out like some auxed-in GPS saying, "scanning for anomalies". Trent shifted the van into gear, and I heard the wheels sputter as we accelerated backward and whipped out of the small parking lot.
"What's your address?" Trent asked. I gave it to him, and then speaking to his dash, he said, "Car, take us to ****."
"Redirecting to ****," replied the British woman. "Currently detecting 31 novel emergences. Updating pings every 300 milliseconds. Chance of contact: 0.23%"
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"The van has sensor equipment which can detect blinks. It's much more accurate than either of us."
"And it sees 31?"
"Yes, that's not as many as it sounds." Trent said and tore past a car that blinked out of existence right as we turned onto the main street.
We drove on for another couple minutes, the Englishwoman updating the number of novel emergences every ten seconds or so. Her constant babbling eventually became a comforting background noise, and I was able to think again.
"In the message you sent me, you said my mom may still be alive." I looked at Trent to see if he would react to me bringing her up, but he remained stolid. "What did you mean by that?"
Trent thumbed his steering wheel. "I shouldn't have sent that." He said at last.
"Shouldn't have… What do you mean? You can't just say that now."
Trent took one hand off the wheel and turned toward me. "Look, we're going back to your house because we need to determine your origin point. All Antennas have them. It's a place of high energy where many realms intersect, kind of like a station, and it's the place where you first acquired your abilities. Based on everything you wrote, I'm guessing that place is where the forest where the accident happened when you were a young child. But I need to confirm it. Once I confirm that that's the place…" Trent hesitated.
"Then… what? You want us to go back there? To the place where my mom died, or at least where I think she died until you told me she might be alive but are now taking it back? That place?"
"It's the only way to—"
"Now detecting novel agent," the Englishwoman interrupted. We both perked up as she gave another update. "Net anomalies: 437. Novel Agents: 1. Chance of contact: 78%."
"Shit," Trent muttered. "Car, course correct."
"Attempting course correct to avoid collision. Attempts made: 10, 50, 75, 79… No alternate route detected. Chance of contact: 96%."
"Time until contact?"
"Time until contact: 13 seconds."
I shuddered. Looking out the front windshield, I saw cars pop out of existence left and right, opening up a clear path to the four way intersection ahead. In a blink, the streetlights all turned green, and then they vanished completely. It was as if the entire world was being stripped down bare, and all that remained was the road, boxed in by the rows of buildings along either side. In the distance I could see a large tanker barreling toward us.
"Trent,"
"I know," he replied and clicked a different button on the console which opened a new toggle for the shifter labeled "TD". He pushed the stick forward, engaging the new mode, then pressed the accelerator all the way to the ground. "You're going to want to hold on."
"What are you doing!?" I yelled, grabbing onto my seatbelt.
"No time to explain. Car, release phase lock."
"Phase lock released."
I watched in horror as the color drained from the road and buildings and sky, transforming it all into a dim tunnel, with only the headlights of the oncoming semi-truck visible up ahead. I had the sudden thought that this was all a dream, just like the ones from my childhood. I looked over and no longer saw Trent, but my mother. And then I realized this wasn't a dream. This was hell. I was being forced to relive the worst moment of my life, over and over again. Just when I thought I had escaped, I was pulled right back into that car, helpless as we approached but never arrived at our impending fate. I closed my eyes right as the lights engulfed the windshield and braced for the usual pain in my chest, for the feeling of breaking.
But it didn't come.
"Shift" was the last word out of Trent's mouth, and then I was infused with the sensation of being at the pinnacle of a roller coaster. I was suspended there for what felt like hours, but somehow I knew that not even a second had passed. Everything inside the van: the dashboard, windows, ceiling, doors, even Trent himself began to radiate enigmatic particles. They were a mass of constant motion, like raindrops falling through the air but never landing. I looked down at my hand, but it was gone. Diffused into an unknowable number of untraceable particles. The world outside, once devoid of color, was now nothing but color. When I tried to focus on a particular spot in the infinite geometric folds of whatever realm we were traversing through, I could sometimes detect a trace of our world.
The old lady from the church. She appeared as if through a window, standing behind a table, holding out a plant. Only this image was so much brighter. And the plant she was holding was pure gold. Then I'd catch a glimpse of the razor blade. It was large, many hundreds of times larger than the van, and surrounded by darkness. These ghostly images appeared like holograms or reflections that caught the light at just the right angle, then dissipated.
I stayed there, looping between the archetypes of my life for a long, long time.
***
I knew we were returning when I felt the first sense of motion. Breath filled my lungs for the first time in what felt like a day. I blinked. And then we were back in town, driving down the same road with the blue sky above. People were jogging on the sidewalk past the little street shops. The streetlights were active. I checked the side mirror and saw the tanker had just passed by.
I looked over at Trent, who met my eyes. We shared a look of knowing, and unknowing. For some reason, that was enough, and we continued on in silence.
***
We agreed to stay the night at my house.
Trent had parked a couple blocks away in front of a couple vacant houses so as not to arouse suspicion from the neighbors. Then he lugged a large duffel bag with his equipment in and set it up in the living room. He scanned the scrapbook which contained the newspaper clippings from the accident several times and confirmed that was likely my 'origin point'. I simply nodded and then went back out onto the back porch. I sat there for hours, basking in the sun. Something had changed in the past day, but I couldn't pick out what it was. Too much had happened. I had too little time to process any of it.
When the sun set, I went inside and Trent told me about his plans for the next couple days. He said he needed to run a few errands in the morning, then meet up with a couple of his associates. After that, we could begin our drive to Southern Illinois. He said it was likely that the entity that was chasing me had first tied itself to me during my childhood accident. For whatever reason, we came into contact, and now it didn't want to leave. Trent would help me get rid of it. He didn't go into many details regarding how that was to happen, but I don't think in my tired state I would have been able to understand much anyway. He had a plan, and that was enough for me. At least for a while.
After our meeting, I made sure Trent had enough pillows and blankets like a proper host, then I retired to my room. I laid down on my twin bed and stared up at the cream-colored ceiling. Then I turned and saw the participation awards for my junior soccer league stashed on my dresser. I pictured myself on the field, running with the ball, out ahead of everyone except the goalie. I took a shot, but it was blocked. Then I ran back to defend. How can such a simple game be so much fun? Was the last thought I had before drifting off to sleep.
I woke up only once during the night. It was still dark out. The room was warm despite the small, flower petal fan churning away, shifting the hot, humid air from one pocket of the room to the next. I waited in apprehension, sensing that something had disturbed me. I saw the tomato plushie peeking out at me from the slightly ajar closet door where I had stashed it so many years ago. I felt like I was missing something. Something important.
And then I heard it.
There was a tapping at my window.

Part 1
First of all, I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and support from the last post. A lot has happened since then, and a bunch of context is needed, so I hope you'll bear with me as I explain the details.
***
Back during the peak of the blinking crisis, I remember having a lot of difficulty sleeping. It was common for me to average only four or five hours a night, and the little sleep I did get was marred by terrible nightmares. One in particular recurred many times.
I was only eight, but somehow I was in the driver's seat of our family's old SUV. My arms were long enough to steady the wheel, but my legs didn't quite meet the pedals. It didn't matter though, since the car seemed content to continue on at a constant pace. I looked over and saw my mom in the passenger seat. Her face was a blurry likeness pieced together from the dozen or so picture's I'd seen of her over the years. I tried to bring her into focus, not only because I missed her dearly, but because she was speaking—pleading, even. She waved frantically at me, then brought her leg up and slammed it down on the floor mat several times. I didn't understand what had her so upset until she pointed out the front windshield, and I saw we were hurdling directly toward a giant tree that had fallen in the middle of the road.
Panicking, I stomped for the brake, but my seatbelt protested and pulled me back like an invigorated dog on a short leash. I sat up and tried clicking it off, but it wouldn't budge. My breaths became hollow cries, and I felt my heart beat against the bars of its bony prison. I grabbed the steering wheel and pulled it to the left, then right, attempting to swerve off the road, but it was as if whatever kind of glue was locking up the seatbelt was also fixing the steering wheel in place.
"Mom! what do I do!?" I yelled, tears streaming from my eyes. She was yelling back at me, but it was as if there was a divider between us, and neither of us could hear each other. I turned back just in time to see the giant Oak tree meet the front bumper, and then I jolted awake with a piercing pain in my chest that radiated up through my throat in the form of a giant scream. My little legs kicked under the covers and tears rained down on my pillow until my dad ran in and knelt at my bed.
"Lauren, are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?"
I grabbed my pillow and hugged it so my face was covered, then effused a "Mmm-hmm" in a long wheeze while rocking to either side.
"Oh, honey," he soothed and brushed my hair, then the tears from my face when I would allow it.
Time would pass in silence, and when I began to get the sense that my dad was ready to leave, I'd chirp out, "stay" in that way children do when they're embarrassed about wanting something.
"Always," my dad would reply; then he'd post up on the floor with my large tomato plushie as a pillow.
One night in particular, it was deep in the night, and I had woken to a tapping sound outside my window. I was so afraid that a monster had snuck into my room while I wasn't looking that I made him lay next to me and face outward. I'd peek my eyes open every minute or so to check and make sure my dad was there, staking out the room. Eventually, he rolled in close and said something that I still remember to this day.
"Hey, baby, guess what." he whispered.
"Mmm" I mumbled.
"I think you scared the monster away."
I tried to picture this through the fog of my fatigue. Something seemed off about the statement, like it wasn't logically possible, but before I could piece together the words to express that, my dad cut back in.
"It was scared because it realized you're a superhero. And you know what your greatest superpower is?"
I shook my head, making sure to rub my forehead against his shoulder so he could sense it in the dark room.
"You're greatest power is that you get to tell the monsters what to do. Because the monsters are only as strong as the stories you tell about them. And there's all kinds of stories. Happy ones. Sad ones. Scary ones. Tell me, this monster you think snuck in, would you say he's part of a scary story?"
"I don't know," I said, confused. "Maybe"
"Hmm," he hummed, contemplating. "Well, I want you to remember this. You have the ability to tell any kind of story you want. Maybe there are monsters, but that means there's heroes and angels, too, right?"
I was beginning to doze off to the comforting sound of my dad's deep voice, but I gave another affirmative "Mm-hmm".
"So, if you're ever scared, honey, just dream up a better story. A story that will bring you peace. Do you understand?"
But I was already out.
***
I woke up the next morning to the feeling that someone was in the hotel room with me. The drapes were drawn and the only sound was the AC unit blowing cold air, but when I looked toward the dark corner of the empty coat rack, my mind conjured the face of my dad, smiling at me, chanting that same, awful line—Oh, Lauren… you know who we are.
I was no longer a child, but it took a couple minutes of cold focus before I muscled the courage to ascend from the safety of my covers and flick on the lamp light. The small amber radius extended to where my dad's feet would have been if he was standing there. But there was no one. I let out a sigh and collapsed back onto the mattress, thinking back on all those years growing up. The same man who had helped me conquer my fear of the dark was now the monster hiding in its shadow.
I looked over my shoulder and saw the clock read 10:15. My meeting with Trent was in three hours. I moaned and stretched my arms back until they knocked against the headboard, then I collapsed back onto the mattress, meditating, gathering energy like a compressed spring. All at once, I jumped up and glided over to the drapes, opening them in a single, fluid motion. I grimaced at the sunlight, but the warmth felt good against my face. I stopped by the nightstand and gulped down the final few swigs of a bottle of Mello Yello that I had purchased from a vending machine the previous night, then undressed and hopped in the shower.
The warm water wasn't enough to wash away the previous night's memories. When I closed my eyes to lather my hair, I was back in my living room, standing opposite the demon that had taken on my dad's form. His smile. His laugh. It was like someone in my head was flipping a switch between the man I loved growing up and a terrible monster. But the fear was more powerful. I heard something drop onto the tile floor on the other side of the curtain. The noise made me gasp, and I opened my eyes while shampoo was still streaming down my face. I swiped the shampoo out of my now burning eyes and squinted at the curtain, trying to see through it, but I couldn't make anything out. "I-is anyone," I started, trembling, afraid to finish the sentence. I reached out and pinched the end of the curtain. My heart was in overdrive. I swallowed, then pulled it toward me and peeked out. I scanned the room, but I couldn't see anything out of place.
It wasn't until after I finished showering and wound myself up in one of the hotel's too-small towels that I saw what had made the noise. I bent down and picked up the stub of a razor blade that had fallen onto the tile right next to the puffy, gray shower rug. It wasn't mine, and I was pretty sure hotels didn't keep unguarded razor blades just laying around. When I held it up, it occurred to me that if it had simply fallen a few inches to the left, it would have been buried in the rug, and perhaps I would have stepped on it. I stared at myself in its steely reflection. Cold. Lonely. Small. What if I—was all I was able to think before the blade blinked out of my hand.
I threw on some clothes, packed up the few belongings I had into my purse, then checked out of my room. I didn't feel safe going back home after what happened, but I also didn't want to go anywhere else. I got in my car and drove aimlessly up and down the town's streets, focusing only on the car ahead of me. Anytime I started to travel down an avenue of thought, I'd make a turn, or speed up, or hit the brakes: anything to keep my mind distracted. It was sweltering outside, but I'd turn the heat on for minutes at a time until I felt drenched, then toggle max AC until I was cool, then back to heat. I repeated the basic driving tenet "10 and 2", "10 and 2", "10 and 2" like a mantra—a chant to focus my attention on a single point, and then I pictured that point disappearing. I began to think that maybe I wanted to disappear.
I fully intended to keep going that way until 1:00, but after about thirty minutes, my meandering route had led me to St. Mark's Catholic Church, where a large group of people were gathered around a long line of tables in front of the building. I slowed down. At the front of the venue was a large, white cardboard sign which read, "Plant a Seed, Share the Joy". I wasn't sure what that meant, but my boredom had come to a head, and I rationalized that if there's any place on God's green earth that would be safe, it was this one. I parked along the closest side-street, then walked over to the church.
Rows of white tables were covered with cardboard boxes filled with small plants that were wrapped up in individual paper pots. I watched from a distance as people behind the tables carefully removed the plants, one by one, and offered them to passersby. I continued down the line, a sheep in the herd, and allowed myself to sink into childhood memories. I had somehow made it out the other end near the Narthex when I heard a woman's voice call to me.
"Hey, deary, have you gotten one yet?"
I turned and saw a small, gray-haired lady with rose-colored glasses. "Oh, no," I started, attempting to decline, then paused. The old lady grabbed one of the plants and held it out for me.
"Here," she said. "Come on, I won't bite."
As far as you know, I thought, and stumbled forward with a sigh. "Thanks," I said and took the plant. "What is this all for, anyway?"
"It's a giveaway," the old woman responded. "Staff have been growing these plants—tomatoes and garlic, mainly—so they could offer them to members of the Parish. The idea is to have the members grow the produce, then donate it to St. Mark's Food Pantry to give to those in need."
"Oh, that's actually pretty cool." I replied and inspected my plant which was at present nothing more than a small green stem. "So which kind is this one?"
"That one is—" the old lady stopped and inspected the other plants near where she had grabbed mine—"tomato."
"Tomato," I repeated. "Well, thanks again."
"Of course, dear." the old lady beamed. "We're all responsible for each other."
I nodded, then continued back through the crowd toward my car when, through the large vestibule windows, I saw a Priest speaking to a young couple. It had been a little over a decade since I had attended a service (I stopped going during High School when I started studying other religions), and I didn't recognize this Priest. He was short (just over five feet tall), bald, and African American. He wore the customary black robe and white collar, and there was something in his smile and the way seemed to be affirming the couple that made me yearn to speak with him. I considered for a moment, a bit embarrassed to be stepping back into church after all this time, but the thought of being able to burn ten minutes talking with someone who might have some insight into my situation was too tempting to pass up.
I waited near a portrait of Mary Magdalene, my tomato plant in hand, staring off at the pristine series of stained glass images portraying the death and resurrection of Jesus. About a minute in, the Priest met my eyes; he smiled, his way of telling me he knew I was waiting, then finished up with the couple and made his way over. He had a bit of an accent when he spoke—it was Ugandan, from best I could tell—and a proclivity for laughing at the end of his sentences.
"Hello, Miss, I don't believe I've had the privilege," he said and held out his hand. He leaned in as he spoke, and his smile tugged on the corners of his eyes which were already marked with use.
I shook his hand and returned what I'm sure was a weak smile. "No, I don't think so. My name's Lauren. I used to come here when I was little. It's—been a while."
"Well, I see you picked a good day to visit. If you're into gardening, that is." He remarked with a laugh and gestured toward the plant. "It's nice to meet you, Lauren. My name's Martin—Father Martin, if you prefer."
"Father Martin," I repeated, "I have a friend named Martin. It's a good name."
He laughed and said, "Thank you, I'll pass that one along to my mother. She loves the praise."
I laughed back. He carried himself in such a carefree way that I was put immediately at ease. Almost to the point where I forgot what I wanted to talk to him about. "Um," I started, attempting to word my question in a way that didn't sound like I needed psychiatric help. "I have a couple of religious questions for you, if you have time."
"That's what I'm for. Ask away."
"They're about… miracles. Like the ones in the Bible. I was wondering, do you think that miracles still happen today?"
"Miracles, huh," he started. "You mean like water into wine?"
"Kind of, yeah,"
"Hmm…" he contemplated. "Well, I haven't seen them, myself. You know, I may be a Priest, but I also have a degree in Physics. I think God made the world according to laws, right? But I do think God has the power to intervene. Yes. I just have never seen it… like … you know, the biblical type of miracles. To me, there are miracles happening all around us—miracles we can't see."
"Exactly," I responded, thinking about how no one else could see the blinks, "those kinds of miracles. What are those miracles we can't see?"
One of Father Martin's eyebrows raised and he rubbed his chin. "Well, I think the greatest miracle is the miracle of God's love which was perfected in Christ and offered to each of us. It's his power to heal even the most troubled mind. By coming into alignment with God's will for us, we can see the true purpose of this existence."
No, he's not getting it, I thought. I scrambled to my other entry-point. "What about the story of Job? God made a bet with the Devil that Job would stay faithful to him no matter what the Devil did to him. Do you think that kind of situation is possible?"
Father Martin's expression drooped into a concerned frown. "There's quite the difference between miracles and the story of Job. I suppose I see what you're getting at, though. Job's suffering is in some ways the antithesis to positive miracles. In this life, we are tested, sometimes to the point of losing everything, but even that person who has more reason to hate God than anyone else can once again find peace and eternal happiness through faith. In fact, it's often the person who is lowest in the pit of suffering that needs the Light of Christ more than anyone else."
I thought back on the first night that I prayed. It was in my moment of greatest helplessness that I reached out to God, and I thought I had found my answer in Him. But now, after what happened last night, after all these years of chaos—not merely losing things that were important to me, but my very sanity—I needed more than just blind faith. I couldn't just sit idly by and hope things would get better. I smiled at the Priest and said, "Thank you, Father, this has been very insightful."
"Of course, sister. I'm sorry if I couldn't have been of more help."
"No, I think I understand now. I've been… wrestling with something, and I think God wants me to confront it. I think I've been running away and hiding from it for so long that I'd convinced myself it disappeared."
Father Martin nodded in understanding. "Well, in that case, will you let me leave you with a prayer?"
I was a bit taken off guard by the request, but I accepted. "Sure, Father."
I watched as he made the sign of the cross, then he lifted his hands and closed his eyes. "Dear God, I am so happy to have had the privilege of meeting with Lauren today, especially on a day such as this where we are offering gifts for those who need them. You have heard her desire to confront the things that are troubling her. I ask that you bless her with strength and peace and a clear conscience, that she may overcome these challenges. God, bless us with your spirit, that we may see your hand in our lives. Amen."
"Amen," I said.
As I was leaving, Father Martin called out to me and said, "Oh, just so you know, this Friday at 7 we are having a barbecue at the Parish Center. I would love to see you there, if you're able and wanting."
Turning back, I smiled and said, "Oh, ok, thanks Father. I'll think about it."
The priest nodded, and with a smile, he sent me off.
***
I walked into the Deli at 1:00 on the dot. The customers who had arrived for the lunch rush were already cleaning up their trash and heading out. I dodged past a few of them on my way down the long, narrow path leading to the front counter. While I waited behind a couple of elderly folk who were picking which soup they wanted to pair with their Ultimate Grilled Cheese, I looked around for Trent. He hadn't sent me a picture or any way of contacting him throughout the day, so I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I figured I'd see some man half-hidden behind a newspaper, scouting me out. Maybe I watch too many movies, I thought.
"Ahem, ma'am. You're up." croaked the teenager behind the register.
"Oh, right, sorry" I replied and stepped up to the counter. "Uhh," I muttered, scanning the menu for something that looked edible. "Could I just get…" I made sure to mouth every syllable as they were words of their own.
"We have a deal—the try two combo. Sandwich and a soup for $9.99." the cashier repeated for what was probably the fiftieth time that day.
"Yes, that sounds good. I'll do the Italian sandwich and potato soup. And a drink, please."
After I paid for the food, I wandered around the tables, hoping to find someone who looked like a Trent. I was picturing a short guy, runner's build, with long brown hair, tucked somewhere neatly away in the corner. So I was not prepared when the Hulk's stunt double growled my name from a table smack dab in the middle of the restaurant. He had a pale, square face that was spotted with freckles and a sinking property that comes with the lethal combination of stress and age. His hair was relatively short. Probably it was brown or auburn, but since it was slicked back, it looked almost black. And he wore what looked like janitor coveralls. There was even a cloth tag pinned to his chest which read, "Trent".
"Lauren?" He repeated.
"Yes, that's me." I said and took a seat across from him. I saw a brown tray on the table in front of him, and on the tray was a large, white soup bowl. It was empty and beginning to crust along the edges. He must have been here for some time already. "I didn't know where you'd be, so I was worried we might miss each other. I'm glad you found me though." I said while looking over Trent more thoroughly. His large hands were stretched out in front of him on the table. He wasn't wearing a ring, so he probably wasn't married. And his face, it was stern. He seemed like a no-bullshit kind of guy. Then I saw his eyes. They were sapphire blue—probably the most stunning I'd ever seen.
"We only spoke on the internet, so I hope you don't mind, but I usually run a preliminary test on anyone I meet who claims to have abilities such as yours." Trent said while reaching into his pocket and removing a device that had the size and shape of an electric razor. "All you have to do is look into it. It takes maybe five seconds. Ten at most."
"Oh, um, sure," I said reluctantly. "Do I just—" I asked while reaching for the device.
Trent clicked a button and released the cylindrical head which opened, revealing a glass circle about the size of an iris. "I'll hold it, just look into the center. A red cross should appear, then it'll take the picture."
"Okay…" I replied and did as he instructed, leaning my head forward to look into the device. Sure enough, a red cross appeared. "Is it…" was all I got out before the light turned blue and I saw a gray fog disperse and billow throughout the inside of the tube, extending for what I perceived to be miles. My jaw went slack and I couldn't breathe for maybe five seconds. Then Trent reshuttered the device and turned it over.
"Damn, 72." He said with a hint of shock. "That's the highest I've scanned to date." He looked back at me, more relaxed now, and muttered to himself. "How have you been able to function for this long? At this level, you should basically be half in, half out."
I rubbed my forehead, feeling a mixture of pain and frustration and fatigue and impatience which all poured out at once. "Listen, Trent," I said as sternly as I could, "I came here because you said you knew what was wrong with me and that you could help me. I get you have to make sure I am who I said I am, but now it's your turn to pay up. How do I know you know anything about my condition? You said my mom might still be alive. What does that even mean? I saw her die right in front of me. I want answers."
I waited for Trent to respond, but he only lifted his head. I turned around and saw a girl holding a tray of food.
"Um, hi, sorry to interrupt. I have an order 36 for Lauren."
"Oh, yes, thank you." I said. The worker placed the tray down on the table in front of me, and when I saw the food, I suddenly realized how hungry I was. Trent must have also realized this, because he folded his arms and said, "go ahead and eat. I'll explain while you do."
I wanted to protest, but my salivating mouth made other plans. "Fine," I said. I grabbed the metal spoon off the tray and started on the soup, bracing against the steaming heat of the potato chunks.
As I ate, Trent moved all of the items on his tray off to the side, then he flipped the tray over so it was raised slightly off the table. He took his cup and placed it face down in the center, then he rolled up a few of his used, blue mayonnaise packets and charted a track across the tray.
"What are you doing?" I croaked out between bites.
Trent ignored me and continued by ripping up a napkin into strips and placing them alongside the mayonnaise packets. Finally, he snapped ten toothpicks in half and stuck them in the tomb of a dozen overlayed napkins. "It's your diorama," he said at last.
"It's my what?"
"From the story you sent me. Your diorama. When I read about it, it gave me a good idea of how to explain the 'blinking'."
I pointed at the cup in the center. "Is that supposed to be a pyramid? Because I'm pretty sure you're in the wrong geometric neighborhood with that one."
"It's an analogy," he said.
"Of an analogy," I quipped back.
"Look," he picked out one of the toothpicks and held it out in front of me. "This could be a person, an animal, a crowbar—whatever you want. The point is, this diorama is a stand in for our universe. This is everything that exists, that we can see. Okay?"
"Okay,"
"Now, me," Trent placed a hand over his heart. "I'm not in the diorama. I don't exist in the universe."
"In the universe where a cup is a pyramid, or the actual universe?" I said, unable to control myself.
Trent grimaced.
"Sorry, keep going. I get it."
"Things pop into," Trent threw the toothpick back onto the tray, "or out of," he picked the toothpick back up, "our universe at will, based on forces," he patted his chest again, "that exist in other realms" he gestured to the room, "that are connected to our universe," he tapped two fingers against the tray. "These things could be objects, like, say, a toothpick, or entities, like the one you encountered yesterday. The blinking experience that you described aligns with the typical experience of a moderate Antenna. That's what I call people like us—Antennas; because we can pick up on signals others can't."
"We—you mean you see the blinking, too?"
"Yes, but not to the same extent as you. If all the blinks are gathered in a giant picture that you can see, I'm traversing the image through binoculars, maybe even a microscope, depending on where we are."
I thought about this. I guess it was possible there were other people like me out there, but since I had never met anyone, I didn't really consider the idea until now. And then for him to say my ability was somehow much stronger than his… "But," I started, "I haven't even seen that many blinks since I was a child. It's just more focused and malicious now."
"Yeah," Trent scratched his head, "that's the thing that got me really interested in you. Somehow you seem to be able to control it without gear, just by praying. And, look, that's all well and good, but I don't want to give you the false impression that I'm some kind of religious leader. I like to look for logical, scientific explanations for things. So that's the frame I'm coming at this from."
I took a sip from my drink. "That's fine," I said, "the truth is that's why I reached out to you in the first place. I wanted an explanation I could understand. An explanation that was directly related to what I'm going through."
"Then we should get along just fine."
I was scooping out the last potato that was stubbornly gliding along the bottom of the bowl when, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the old man from the line shooting up from his bench and standing in army-erect form. I felt a tingling sensation tickle the back of my neck. I didn't want to turn toward him. I knew what I'd see if I did. "Trent," I whispered, trying to tip him off.
"Huh?" he grunted. Then when he saw my expression, he snuck his right hand under the table and said, "Do you see it? Is it here?"
I cocked my head to the left, signaling toward the old man that was now facing us, but Trent didn't seem to notice him: his eyes just kept scanning the entire front of the restaurant. Then I saw the old man take a step in our direction.
"Lauuurennnn, oh Lauuuurennnn, I've been looking for you, Laurenn." The old man said in a low, gravelly voice that gave the impression he was gurgling liquid tar. I turned and saw his face. It was cold and expressionless, and a butter knife was poking out of his left fist. When I met his eyes, he smiled that horrible smile."You're a slippery bitch, you know that?" He spat. "Why can't you just stay put? Don't you get tired of running from your old friend? Or have you forgotten about me?"
"Trent," I mumbled out. "Right there."
"And this guy. You think he can help you? He's only here to help himself. If that's not clear, you really are a lost little lamb."
"Quick, give me your hand," Trent instructed.
I was silent, my eyes still pinned to the old man.
"Tsk-tsk-tsk," the demon possessed senior wagged his finger at me, taking a step, then another step, shortening the distance as much as he could while I was entranced. Then, suddenly, he sprinted forward at a speed that shouldn't have been possible for a man his age.
"Trent!" I screamed.
"Lauren, give me your hand!"
I spun around and grabbed Tren'ts outstretched arm just as the old man lifted the butter knife over his head like a pickaxe. Then I saw Trent pull out what looked like a toy gun from under the table and point it at the demon.
"Got you," Trent remarked. I braced for a gunshot, but there was no noise. After a couple seconds, I looked back and saw the old man sitting in the booth opposite his wife, his hand tremoring as he reached for his large drink.
"What did you?" I asked, but Trent was already pulling me out of my seat. "Come on, we have to go," he said, "the effect is temporary, he'll be—"
Before he could get out the last word, I saw the cup-pyramid on Trent's tray blink out of existence. The sound of a plate shattering rang out from a table up ahead. The lone woman standing there slowly turned around, smiling, with a fork in one hand and a piece of the broken plate in the other. Trent shot her with the toy gun as we ran past and then barreled through the front door.
"Where—are we going?" I asked between gasps.
"My van. It's loaded with kit."
"And then where?"
"Your house" replied Trent who stashed his gun back in his pocket and took out a key fob.
"My house? But that's where he—it appeared."
"Yeah, and that's where you banished it."
Trent waved me into the passenger seat of his RAM 3500 Promaster. I noticed right away the dash which looked more like it belonged in a new limited-edition EV than a cargo van. The ignition kicked on automatically, and I heard the beep of a sonar ping precede an English woman's voice calling out like some auxed-in GPS saying, "scanning for anomalies". Trent shifted the van into gear, and I heard the wheels sputter as we accelerated backward and whipped out of the small parking lot.
"What's your address?" Trent asked. I gave it to him, and then speaking to his dash, he said, "Car, take us to ****."
"Redirecting to ****," replied the British woman. "Currently detecting 31 novel emergences. Updating pings every 300 milliseconds. Chance of contact: 0.23%"
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"The van has sensor equipment which can detect blinks. It's much more accurate than either of us."
"And it sees 31?"
"Yes, that's not as many as it sounds." Trent said and tore past a car that blinked out of existence right as we turned onto the main street.
We drove on for another couple minutes, the Englishwoman updating the number of novel emergences every ten seconds or so. Her constant babbling eventually became a comforting background noise, and I was able to think again.
"In the message you sent me, you said my mom may still be alive." I looked at Trent to see if he would react to me bringing her up, but he remained stolid. "What did you mean by that?"
Trent thumbed his steering wheel. "I shouldn't have sent that." He said at last.
"Shouldn't have… What do you mean? You can't just say that now."
Trent took one hand off the wheel and turned toward me. "Look, we're going back to your house because we need to determine your origin point. All Antennas have them. It's a place of high energy where many realms intersect, kind of like a station, and it's the place where you first acquired your abilities. Based on everything you wrote, I'm guessing that place is where the forest where the accident happened when you were a young child. But I need to confirm it. Once I confirm that that's the place…" Trent hesitated.
"Then… what? You want us to go back there? To the place where my mom died, or at least where I think she died until you told me she might be alive but are now taking it back? That place?"
"It's the only way to—"
"Now detecting novel agent," the Englishwoman interrupted. We both perked up as she gave another update. "Net anomalies: 437. Novel Agents: 1. Chance of contact: 78%."
"Shit," Trent muttered. "Car, course correct."
"Attempting course correct to avoid collision. Attempts made: 10, 50, 75, 79… No alternate route detected. Chance of contact: 96%."
"Time until contact?"
"Time until contact: 13 seconds."
I shuddered. Looking out the front windshield, I saw cars pop out of existence left and right, opening up a clear path to the four way intersection ahead. In a blink, the streetlights all turned green, and then they vanished completely. It was as if the entire world was being stripped down bare, and all that remained was the road, boxed in by the rows of buildings along either side. In the distance I could see a large tanker barreling toward us.
"Trent,"
"I know," he replied and clicked a different button on the console which opened a new toggle for the shifter labeled "TD". He pushed the stick forward, engaging the new mode, then pressed the accelerator all the way to the ground. "You're going to want to hold on."
"What are you doing!?" I yelled, grabbing onto my seatbelt.
"No time to explain. Car, release phase lock."
"Phase lock released."
I watched in horror as the color drained from the road and buildings and sky, transforming it all into a dim tunnel, with only the headlights of the oncoming semi-truck visible up ahead. I had the sudden thought that this was all a dream, just like the ones from my childhood. I looked over and no longer saw Trent, but my mother. And then I realized this wasn't a dream. This was hell. I was being forced to relive the worst moment of my life, over and over again. Just when I thought I had escaped, I was pulled right back into that car, helpless as we approached but never arrived at our impending fate. I closed my eyes right as the lights engulfed the windshield and braced for the usual pain in my chest, for the feeling of breaking.
But it didn't come.
"Shift" was the last word out of Trent's mouth, and then I was infused with the sensation of being at the pinnacle of a roller coaster. I was suspended there for what felt like hours, but somehow I knew that not even a second had passed. Everything inside the van: the dashboard, windows, ceiling, doors, even Trent himself began to radiate enigmatic particles. They were a mass of constant motion, like raindrops falling through the air but never landing. I looked down at my hand, but it was gone. Diffused into an unknowable number of untraceable particles. The world outside, once devoid of color, was now nothing but color. When I tried to focus on a particular spot in the infinite geometric folds of whatever realm we were traversing through, I could sometimes detect a trace of our world.
The old lady from the church. She appeared as if through a window, standing behind a table, holding out a plant. Only this image was so much brighter. And the plant she was holding was pure gold. Then I'd catch a glimpse of the razor blade. It was large, many hundreds of times larger than the van, and surrounded by darkness. These ghostly images appeared like holograms or reflections that caught the light at just the right angle, then dissipated.
I stayed there, looping between the archetypes of my life for a long, long time.
***
I knew we were returning when I felt the first sense of motion. Breath filled my lungs for the first time in what felt like a day. I blinked. And then we were back in town, driving down the same road with the blue sky above. People were jogging on the sidewalk past the little street shops. The streetlights were active. I checked the side mirror and saw the tanker had just passed by.
I looked over at Trent, who met my eyes. We shared a look of knowing, and unknowing. For some reason, that was enough, and we continued on in silence.
***
We agreed to stay the night at my house.
Trent had parked a couple blocks away in front of a couple vacant houses so as not to arouse suspicion from the neighbors. Then he lugged a large duffel bag with his equipment in and set it up in the living room. He scanned the scrapbook which contained the newspaper clippings from the accident several times and confirmed that was likely my 'origin point'. I simply nodded and then went back out onto the back porch. I sat there for hours, basking in the sun. Something had changed in the past day, but I couldn't pick out what it was. Too much had happened. I had too little time to process any of it.
When the sun set, I went inside and Trent told me about his plans for the next couple days. He said he needed to run a few errands in the morning, then meet up with a couple of his associates. After that, we could begin our drive to Southern Illinois. He said it was likely that the entity that was chasing me had first tied itself to me during my childhood accident. For whatever reason, we came into contact, and now it didn't want to leave. Trent would help me get rid of it. He didn't go into many details regarding how that was to happen, but I don't think in my tired state I would have been able to understand much anyway. He had a plan, and that was enough for me. At least for a while.
After our meeting, I made sure Trent had enough pillows and blankets like a proper host, then I retired to my room. I laid down on my twin bed and stared up at the cream-colored ceiling. Then I turned and saw the participation awards for my junior soccer league stashed on my dresser. I pictured myself on the field, running with the ball, out ahead of everyone except the goalie. I took a shot, but it was blocked. Then I ran back to defend. How can such a simple game be so much fun? Was the last thought I had before drifting off to sleep.
I woke up only once during the night. It was still dark out. The room was warm despite the small, flower petal fan churning away, shifting the hot, humid air from one pocket of the room to the next. I waited in apprehension, sensing that something had disturbed me. I saw the tomato plushie peeking out at me from the slightly ajar closet door where I had stashed it so many years ago. I felt like I was missing something. Something important.
And then I heard it.
There was a tapping at my window.

Hello, this thoughts have been eating me for a while, idk if this is the right thread, more on offmythougths, hehe, anyway, I'll start with a little background,
So i was a graduating student during this events happened.
I was an intern in this school with my classmates, during these days they like to tease me since i was too focused in our task. After 2 days we saw this girl entering our office, little did we know its my manager's nephew. We didnt talk to her like a month since she will just go to the office to eat her lunch or wait until the office time is over. Days pass by and my classmates start to tease me again, every time she enters the office one of my classmate will stop her and say random things like
"Hey! K (pointing at me ) has a crush on you".
And this continues for days, my manager will just laugh on it and teases her nephew back, and this go goes and sometimes i will be the one to start it like when she enters the office, i will just say
" i have a crush on you"
and then this will continue on and on. Fast forward, its been a month i think since that event happened and i somehow get close to her (as far as i know). She sometimes asks me for a reviewer, and sometimes we talk during nights, and some love life things. Etc etc, and then we got the delicacies,, We've got a food here named Kabatite and puke-puke.
The word tite from kabatite means penis While puke means vagina.
Yes, i know it sounds bad, but idk why they named it like that.
So we talked about it and then the conversation became more sexual thing? Like sexual jokes, I know we crossed the line. And then we stop constant messaging each other after that.
After 2 months, now im working under my manager. It was around the end of the office hours when her nephew visits the office, we start preparing our things since its time to go home when suddenly my manager said something.
"hey, do you want to tell what K told you"
And her nephew replied. " after he's gone"
And then my manager replied "okay lets wait for him to leave", so what i did was stayed at the office acting like im trying to finish something but im just waiting for my co-workers to go home so i could join them and prevent my boss from telling something
And then im starting get anxious because of this, like even though its my time to go home alone, i needed to wait until my other co-workes leave,
I just want to vent this our cuz its killing me
Lastly, english is not my first language so i hope you understand.

Now for a little background my partners mother is incredibly toxic.
I'm a very open and out there person, and was taught by my family to express my feelings and not hide. So when I saw my partner hiding his feelings I told him to stop. To start seeking help and confide in me. Which in turn then turned into him snapping at them.
They then blame me for his mental health being in the ground and tried to make him leave me, but he stayed.This made them hate me more. Then last year my mother passed away very abruptly, my partner is someone I need, so I called him to come support me. His mother then told him and his step dad I was FAKING until she was outside and saw ambulances. Things were still tense but died down, later in the year around September time, he moved in with me to escape his family. Now my fiance is a very introverted person, and rarely makes plans and if he does he usually forgets or cancels. Which often ment he didn't see his family. (They also made no effort to see him) So since Nov ’23 up until yesterday they fought with him. Telling people I was controlling him and never let him out. When I was actively trying to do the opposite. He however likes to drink on occasion. We had plans but he went behind my back and planned a small get together when we got home from our plans with his family. Without me. I was upset but understood. I asked him not to drink much as I have a fear of vomiting and couldn't help him if he was drunk. He made a promise to me to be home by 10 and not be drunk. After ignoring me on both and coming home at midnight we fought but sorted the issue. However his mother hated I was messaging him for info. Called me a liar and controlling, saying he wasn't drinking and why does it matter where he is. I struggle with anxiety to an extent my partner made me get life360 so if I was worried I could check. And I had proof he was at a bar and he even showed me he was. Which I showed her and told her as his partner I'm not wrong to want to know he is ok. Over the past few days she's been telling him your coming home ECT. After the birthday issue I chose to go no contact with her,unless it was with my father as she's made threats to hit and choke me. yesterday she called to say he's coming home now and that she wanted to speak to me. As I said I didn't want to speak with her. So she threatened to come to our house. We told her no but she still came.
She shouted at my partner to drag me to her to chat, even going as far to say I do bad things to him, speak for him and control him, threading to call the police and say I was not treating him right.
As 18 year olds home alone I was forced to call the police as we were alone.
Now this morning his mother basically said you have chosen to cut me off.Saying she won't be there and how their relationship is over.
He was upset but told me it wasn't my fault but he did wish I just spoke to her.

I was dragged by my in laws to the Layton temple open house over the weekend and just had to vent some things, first off I don’t know if any other open house have started doing this but for some reason they broke us into groups and were giving us a missionary spiel almost, when we got off the bus a sister missionary was there telling us about how the temple was the house of the lord, they sat us down in the sealing room and a lady gave a cheesy little thing about how her and her husband were sealed forever thanks to the temple (it would have seemed more genuine if she hadn’t read the whole thing off a laminated card) then they sat us down in the endowment room and gave a nice message about covenanting with god to follow him and he promises back to always be with you, you know the covenants we make in the temple, right? I was like, um those are the baptismal covenants, not going to talk about the ACTUAL covenants we make in the temple? Like give all your time and money to the church? Don’t want to tell that to the possible non members and investigators coming through in case they get weirded out? Another thing I hadn’t seen before was mannequins showing examples of what you would be wearing in the temple, one of the baptism jumpsuits, a white pants and tie outside the men’s changing rooms and a white dress outside the women’s, know what room DIDN’T have a mannequin? Two guesses and the first two don’t count, really don’t want to show people coming through the ridiculous and culty— I mean SACRED outfit you’ll be getting married in 🙄 and lastly my TBM wife loved this, I really did not. in the Layton temple they have gender neutral bathrooms with lockers in them for non binary and trans people wanting to get their endowments. My wife thought that was so cool that they were helping them feel included. I thought that was really disingenuous, neutral bathrooms were the LEAST they could do. They still have to get their endowments under their birth sex, they still split the endowment by male and female and they still won’t be able to get married. LGBTQ people are not welcome in the church and pretending that they are is really annoying. I’ll get off my soapbox I just had to hold all that in while my wife and family were so excited that they were being inclusive. Someone else on here or on a podcast I don’t remember, asked a question that’s stuck with me ‘why is the church always at the very end of social issues’, they didn’t lift the temple ban until 14 years after the civil rights act. And they are doing the same thing again by not accepting lgbtq people, shouldn’t christs one true church be more accepting of everyone regardless of how society treats them. You know love them like he did? gets off soapbox again and throws it in a dumpster this time just some thoughts coming out of it, sorry for the rant, anyone else see this style of almost specific for investors open house? Or is it a new thing they’re rolling out?
Also the wallpaper looks like d*cks and the ceilings pattern on the endowment rooms look like a vagina

Me and my dismissive avoidant ex broke up in June. He claimed it was for mental health reasons, I stayed and tried my best to support him. We had a conversation not long after where we both maintained we would maintain loyalty. A few weeks later someone tells me he’s on bumble, I could not believe it as he had never lied to me before. His bumble profile said he was ‘he was looking for a relationship’ it just didn’t make sense. But I left it, as he had told me at the time that his friends had created his profile not him. During summer he was diabolical, name calling, telling me he never loved me, just acting up in general. Things did cool down, and eventually we started seeing each other again. My birthday came around and I mentioned that I thought we would do something together, he got mad at me said I was ‘questioning him and calling him a liar’, so I waited.. and waited.. he never ended up doing anything for my birthday. We met afterwards and he reassured me again and again he would never use the dating app. On what would’ve been our 1 year anniversary, he told me that he had told his co-worker that.. I was extremely confused, like you told your co-worker???? Fast forward to 2 weeks before Christmas we met to eat, and while discussing a couple we knew dealing with cheating in their relationship, he assured me he would never do that to me. While I knew that we were not ‘official’ I believe there was an understanding based on loyalty. 2 weeks after he supposedly went on bumble matched with someone in Scotland (a whole different country), returned my birthday gift, and first week of February when we were meant to go out to eat he told me just hours before he had switched days with his ex partner in taking care of his child and therefore couldn’t make it. I believed him. I just found out he had actually travelled to Scotland met this 35 year old lady and they had sex - he’s 26. He claims there was not cheating. The whole thing is just diabolical. He had now come back after 4 months of no contact, claiming he was ‘just toxic’.
I told him, that all I expect from him is to cut contact with her so we can try working on us, he’s said he won’t as ‘she didn’t do anything to me’. It’s just cowardly, as he told me it was not worth losing me over but she’s out here posting pics of their first date over and over again with captions ‘favourite picture of me’, so she probs is being led to believe this will become more. Overall the whole situation smells of selfishness, and heartlessness.

i checked my logs and this is what it said:
2024-05-21T14:08:00.829Z,0.829604,3f68,6 [FLog::Output] Loading AppSettings.xml from C:\Users\apina\AppData\Local\Roblox\Versions\version-d8aa63d3654646d0\AppSettings.xml
2024-05-21T14:08:00.868Z,0.868627,3f68,6,Info [FLog::UpdateController] UpdateController: versionQueryUrl: https://clientsettingscdn.roblox.com/v2/client-version/WindowsPlayer
2024-05-21T14:08:00.868Z,0.868627,3f68,6,Info [FLog::UpdateController] WindowsUpdateController: updaterFullPath: C:\Users\apina\AppData\Local\Roblox\Versions\version-d8aa63d3654646d0\RobloxPlayerInstaller.exe
2024-05-21T14:08:00.869Z,0.869627,2f98,6,Info [FLog::UpdateController] Update thread: started with protStr
2024-05-21T14:08:00.869Z,0.869627,2f98,6,Info [FLog::UpdateController] Checking if updater exists at C:\Users\apina\AppData\Local\Roblox\Versions\version-d8aa63d3654646d0\RobloxPlayerInstaller.exe. Returning true
2024-05-21T14:08:01.107Z,1.107141,2f98,6,Debug [FLog::UpdateController] version response: {"version":"0.625.0.6250509","clientVersionUpload":"version-d8aa63d3654646d0","bootstrapperVersion":"1, 6, 0, 6250509"}
2024-05-21T14:08:01.107Z,1.107141,2f98,6,Info [FLog::UpdateController] Update thread: isUpdateRequired FALSE
2024-05-21T14:08:01.246Z,1.246241,3f68,6 [FLog::Output] Settings Date header was Tue, 21 May 2024 14:07:58 GMT
2024-05-21T14:08:01.246Z,1.246241,3f68,6 [FLog::Output] Settings Date timestamp is 1716300478
2024-05-21T14:08:01.293Z,1.293436,3f68,6 [FLog::ClientRunInfo] RobloxGitHash: d2f995026f4963b40bd37e1eada84a7698834d8f
2024-05-21T14:08:01.294Z,1.294434,3f68,6 [FLog::ClientRunInfo] The base url is http://www.roblox.com/
2024-05-21T14:08:01.294Z,1.294434,3f68,6 [FLog::ClientRunInfo] The channel is production
2024-05-21T14:08:01.319Z,1.319400,3f68,6 [FLog::Output] *******
** Validated reflection database in 7.988976 ms, found 4934 entries with the following skipped: 0 enums, 0 properties, 0 functions, 0 events, 0 callbacks, 0 classes.
*******
2024-05-21T14:08:01.321Z,1.321397,3f68,6 [FLog::Output] setAssetFolder content
2024-05-21T14:08:01.323Z,1.323394,3f68,6 [FLog::Output] setExtraAssetFolder C:/Users\apina\AppData\Local\Roblox\Versions\version-d8aa63d3654646d0\ExtraContent
2024-05-21T14:08:01.324Z,1.324393,3f68,6 [FLog::Output] DUAR is on.
2024-05-21T14:08:01.740Z,1.740090,3f68,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] (Win-AuthToken) loadAuthTokenFromDisk:
2024-05-21T14:08:01.756Z,1.756106,3f68,6 [FLog::LogWin32BTId] LogWin32BTId, App, cookie Native => Engine set RBXEventTrackerV2 as CreateDate=05/17/2024 08:16:06&rbxid=2260091992&browserid=1715786824685022
2024-05-21T14:08:01.756Z,1.756106,3f68,6 [FLog::LogWin32BTId] LogWin32BTId, App, local launch, localBtid is 1715786824685022
2024-05-21T14:08:01.781Z,1.781344,3f68,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] StartupController finished starting: stage = 2, BTID = 1715786824685022, upgradeStatus = 3.
2024-05-21T14:08:01.781Z,1.781344,3f68,6 [FLog::LogWin32BTId] LogWin32BTId, App, after initialize the websiteBTId is -1, and localBtid is 1715786824685022
2024-05-21T14:08:01.781Z,1.781344,3f68,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] (Win-AuthToken) saveAuthTokenToDisk:size:1317.
2024-05-21T14:08:01.781Z,1.781344,3f68,6 [FLog::LogWin32BTId] LogWin32BTId, App, cookie Engine => Native set RBXEventTrackerV2 as CreateDate=05/17/2024 08:16:06&rbxid=2260091992&browserid=1715786824685022
2024-05-21T14:08:02.204Z,2.204281,3f68,6 [FLog::Warning] UserAgentString Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 10.0; Win64; x64; Trident/7.0; rv:11.0) like GeckoRoblox/WinInetRobloxApp/0.625.0.6250509 (GlobalDist; RobloxDirectDownload) is set
2024-05-21T14:08:02.204Z,2.204281,3f68,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] (Win-AuthToken) loadAuthTokenFromDisk:
2024-05-21T14:08:02.205Z,2.205284,3f68,6 [FLog::LogWin32BTId] LogWin32BTId, App, cookie Native => Engine set RBXEventTrackerV2 as CreateDate=05/17/2024 08:16:06&rbxid=2260091992&browserid=1715786824685022
2024-05-21T14:08:03.424Z,3.424384,3f68,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] Set WebView linking marshaller
2024-05-21T14:08:03.425Z,3.425377,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] initializeWithAppStarter
2024-05-21T14:08:03.425Z,3.425377,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] initializeSingleton
2024-05-21T14:08:03.426Z,3.426371,3f68,6 [FLog::Output] Evaluating deferred inferred crashes
2024-05-21T14:08:03.433Z,3.433326,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] setStage: (stage:Native)
2024-05-21T14:08:03.433Z,3.433326,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] instantiate controllers
2024-05-21T14:08:03.433Z,3.433326,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController[_:1]::SurfaceController, count: 1
2024-05-21T14:08:03.433Z,3.433326,3f68,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] Launching univeral app in-app
2024-05-21T14:08:03.434Z,3.434320,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] initializeLuaAppWithLoggedInUser: (stage:Native).
2024-05-21T14:08:03.434Z,3.434320,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] applyLocale
2024-05-21T14:08:03.436Z,3.436307,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] OTAPollingEnabled set to: false
2024-05-21T14:08:03.436Z,3.436307,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] [_DataModelPatch] Load configs for user key: app:774642265928349735
2024-05-21T14:08:03.438Z,3.438294,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] [_DataModelPatch] Retrieving patch
2024-05-21T14:08:03.438Z,3.438294,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] getCachedPatch DataModelPatchConfig : type=1, assetId=5345954812, assetVersion=8905, maxAppVersion=625, localAssetURI=rbxasset://models/DataModelPatch/DataModelPatch.rbxm
2024-05-21T14:08:03.438Z,3.438294,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] getCachedPatch : numAttempts=10
2024-05-21T14:08:03.439Z,3.439288,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] getCachedPatch : contentId=rbxasset://models/DataModelPatch/DataModelPatch.rbxm
2024-05-21T14:08:03.439Z,3.439288,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] getCachedPatch : get patch from content provider for Model
2024-05-21T14:08:03.439Z,3.439288,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] deserializeAndVerifyPatch with blake3
2024-05-21T14:08:03.806Z,3.806711,0e6c,6 [FLog::Output] Studio D3D9 GPU: NVIDIA GeForce GTX 980
2024-05-21T14:08:03.806Z,3.806711,0e6c,6 [FLog::Output] Studio D3D9 GPU: Vendor 10de Device 13c0
2024-05-21T14:08:03.806Z,3.806711,0e6c,6 [FLog::Output] Studio D3D9 Driver: nvldumdx.dll 31.0.15.5222
2024-05-21T14:08:04.169Z,4.169836,0e6c,6 [FLog::Output] ESGamePerfMonitor GPU: Vendor 000010de Device 000013c0
2024-05-21T14:08:04.169Z,4.169836,0e6c,6 [FLog::Output] ESGamePerfMonitor GPU: SubSys 111610de Revision 000000a1
2024-05-21T14:08:04.169Z,4.169836,0e6c,6 [FLog::Output] ESGamePerfMonitor GPU: DedicatedVidMem 4237033472 DedicatedSysMem 0 SharedSystemMemory 8556070912
2024-05-21T14:08:04.171Z,4.171831,0e6c,6,Info [FLog::CrashReportLog] added file C:\Users\apina\AppData\Local\Roblox\logs\0.625.0.6250509_20240521T140800Z_Player_01CC2_last.log as attachment 0.625.0.6250509_20240521T140800Z_Player_01CC2_last.log
2024-05-21T14:08:04.216Z,4.216707,46f8,6 [FLog::Output] Info: DataModel Loading rbxasset://places/Mobile.rbxl
2024-05-21T14:08:04.231Z,4.231666,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] setStage: (stage:InitializedLuaApp)
2024-05-21T14:08:04.231Z,4.231666,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] startLuaApp: (stage:InitializedLuaApp).
2024-05-21T14:08:04.231Z,4.231666,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] returnToLuaApp: (stage:InitializedLuaApp).
2024-05-21T14:08:04.231Z,4.231666,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] returnToLuaApp: ... disable videoRecorder.
2024-05-21T14:08:04.231Z,4.231666,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] returnToLuaAppInternal: ... App has been initialized, returning from game.
2024-05-21T14:08:04.231Z,4.231666,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] [_:1]::replaceDataModel: (stage:0, window = 0xd0800) [tid:0x29f7d577540]
2024-05-21T14:08:04.495Z,4.495785,46f8,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] [discovery-ota] Load configs for user key: user:2260486916
2024-05-21T14:08:04.496Z,4.496782,46f8,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] [discovery-ota] Retrieving patch
2024-05-21T14:08:04.496Z,4.496782,46f8,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] getCachedPatch DataModelPatchConfig : type=1, assetId=16639814581, assetVersion=145, maxAppVersion=625, localAssetURI=
2024-05-21T14:08:04.817Z,4.817729,46f8,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] [discovery-ota] Update OTA config
2024-05-21T14:08:04.864Z,4.864590,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] D3D11 Adapter: NVIDIA GeForce GTX 980
2024-05-21T14:08:04.864Z,4.864590,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] D3D11 Adapter: Vendor 10de Device 13c0 VRAM 4040 RAM 8159
2024-05-21T14:08:04.864Z,4.864590,3f68,6 [channel] Caps: ThreadSafe 0 Framebuffer 1 FpFramebuffer 1 Shaders 1 Compute 1 Instancing 1 PerInstanceStream 1 ConstBuffers 1
2024-05-21T14:08:04.864Z,4.864590,3f68,6 [channel] Caps: Framebuffer: MRT 8 MSAA 8 Stencil 1
2024-05-21T14:08:04.864Z,4.864590,3f68,6 [channel] Caps: Framebuffer: Depth16 1 Depth24 1 DepthFloat 1 DepthClamp 1
2024-05-21T14:08:04.864Z,4.864590,3f68,6 [channel] Caps: Border Color 1
2024-05-21T14:08:04.864Z,4.864590,3f68,6 [channel] Caps: Texture: RGB10A2 1 RG11B10F 1 R16I 1
2024-05-21T14:08:04.864Z,4.864590,3f68,6 [channel] Caps: Texture: DXT 1 PVR 0 ETC1 0 ETC2 0 Half 1
2024-05-21T14:08:04.864Z,4.864590,3f68,6 [channel] Caps: Texture: 3D 1 Array 1 Depth 1 MSAA 1 MSAAFP16 0
2024-05-21T14:08:04.864Z,4.864590,3f68,6 [channel] Caps: Texture: NPOT 1 PartialMips 1 CubeMipGen 1 CubeFramebuffer 1
2024-05-21T14:08:04.865Z,4.865587,3f68,6 [channel] Caps: Texture: Size 16384 Units 32 VertexUnits 16
2024-05-21T14:08:04.865Z,4.865587,3f68,6 [channel] Caps: ConstantBufferSize 65536
2024-05-21T14:08:04.865Z,4.865587,3f68,6 [channel] Caps: isAppleGPU 0
2024-05-21T14:08:04.865Z,4.865587,3f68,6 [channel] Caps: 32bIdx 1 Memoryless 0
2024-05-21T14:08:04.865Z,4.865587,3f68,6 [channel] Caps: ColorBGR 0 RTFlip 0 MinusOneToOneDepth 0
2024-05-21T14:08:04.901Z,4.901476,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] Video memory size: 2147483648
2024-05-21T14:08:04.967Z,4.967358,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] Loaded 848 shaders from pack d3d11 variant default (4507676 bytes)
2024-05-21T14:08:04.967Z,4.967358,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] Compiled 597 shaders in 64 ms
2024-05-21T14:08:04.971Z,4.971385,2124,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] Application did receive notification, type(APP_READY, 10), data(PlatformAccountRouter)
2024-05-21T14:08:05.000Z,5.000584,1478,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] [discovery-ota] Update OTA succeeded: {"SchemaVersion":"1","CanaryUserIds":[],"CanaryPercentage":0}
2024-05-21T14:08:05.000Z,5.000584,1478,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] [discovery-ota] Update OTA config not deployed
2024-05-21T14:08:05.027Z,5.027769,0a48,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] Application did receive notification, type(APP_READY, 10), data(Startup)
2024-05-21T14:08:05.033Z,5.033810,0a48,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] [_DataModelPatch] Update OTA config
2024-05-21T14:08:05.038Z,5.038844,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController::disableVR
2024-05-21T14:08:05.038Z,5.038844,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController[_:1]::initialize view(0000029F25AAB2A0)
2024-05-21T14:08:05.038Z,5.038844,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController[_:1]::start dataModel(0000029F1E5424B0)
2024-05-21T14:08:05.038Z,5.038844,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController::RenderJob[_:1]::RenderJob
2024-05-21T14:08:05.038Z,5.038844,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController[_:1]::run dataModel(0000029F1E5424B0)
2024-05-21T14:08:05.039Z,5.039851,0a48,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController::RenderJob::stepDataModelJob: No DM yet. Continue...
2024-05-21T14:08:05.039Z,5.039851,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] setStage: (stage:LuaApp)
2024-05-21T14:08:05.039Z,5.039851,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] userDidLogin
2024-05-21T14:08:05.039Z,5.039851,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] applyLocale
2024-05-21T14:08:05.042Z,5.042871,0834,6 [FLog::Output] Begin machine id check
2024-05-21T14:08:05.044Z,5.044885,46f8,6,Info [FLog::CrashReportLog] Set hang detection to: true
2024-05-21T14:08:05.044Z,5.044885,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController::RenderJob::scheduleRender: No data model. Bind workspace now...
2024-05-21T14:08:05.121Z,5.121855,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] LayeredClothingMode updated: LC=1 HSR=1
2024-05-21T14:08:05.121Z,5.121855,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] Future is bright shadows
2024-05-21T14:08:05.128Z,5.128837,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] SmoothCluster::initSolidTextures()
2024-05-21T14:08:05.129Z,5.129834,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] Terrain TextureArray 512x512, arraySize: 36, mip: 10
2024-05-21T14:08:05.135Z,5.135818,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] SceneManager: resizing main targets to 808x607
2024-05-21T14:08:05.321Z,5.321296,1478,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] [_DataModelPatch] Update OTA succeeded: {"SchemaVersion":"1","CanaryUserIds":[],"CanaryPercentage":0}
2024-05-21T14:08:05.321Z,5.321296,1478,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] [_DataModelPatch] Update OTA config not deployed
2024-05-21T14:08:05.860Z,5.860782,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] SceneManager: resizing main targets to 1920x1009
2024-05-21T14:08:05.869Z,5.869757,0a48,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] Application did receive notification, type(APP_READY, 10), data(Home)
2024-05-21T14:08:05.869Z,5.869757,0a48,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] Application did receive notification, type(APP_READY, 10), data(RootSwitchNavigator)
2024-05-21T14:08:06.025Z,6.025307,46f8,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] Application did receive notification, type(DID_LOG_IN, 28), data({"username":"joonuska8","membershipType":4,"isUnder13":true,"countryCode":"FI","userId":2260486916,"displayName":"JonskuZ10"})
2024-05-21T14:08:06.033Z,6.033284,3f68,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] (Win-AuthToken) saveAuthTokenToDisk:size:1317.
2024-05-21T14:08:06.033Z,6.033284,3f68,6 [FLog::LogWin32BTId] LogWin32BTId, App, cookie Engine => Native set RBXEventTrackerV2 as CreateDate=05/17/2024 08:16:06&rbxid=2260091992&browserid=1715786824685022
2024-05-21T14:08:06.036Z,6.036275,3f68,6 [DFLog::SignalRCoreError] ID: 1 Disconnected - stop() called
2024-05-21T14:08:13.503Z,13.503502,46f8,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] Application did receive notification, type(APP_READY, 10), data(ExperienceDetail)
2024-05-21T14:08:13.863Z,13.863633,1478,12 [DFLog::HttpTraceError] HttpResponse(#209 0000029F37DB3E70) time:154.0ms (net:153.4ms callback:0.0ms timeInRetryQueue:0.0ms)status:403 Forbidden bodySize:145 url:{ "https://games.roblox.com/v1/games/4827815098/social-links/list" } ip:128.116.44.3 external:0 numberOfTimesRetried:0
2024-05-21T14:08:13.864Z,13.864635,2124,6 [FLog::Warning] Warning: HTTP error url:`https://games.roblox.com/v1/games/4827815098/social-links/list\`
2024-05-21T14:08:13.864Z,13.864635,2124,6 [FLog::Warning] Warning: HTTP error code:`403`
2024-05-21T14:08:13.864Z,13.864635,2124,6 [FLog::Warning] Warning: HTTP error body:`{"errors":[{"code":3,"message":"Only users who are over twelve years of age may view social links.","userFacingMessage":"Something went wrong"}]}`
2024-05-21T14:08:13.881Z,13.881659,46f8,6 [FLog::Warning] Warning: Unhandled Promise rejection:
table: 0x346dea18df26c33d
CoreGui.RobloxGui.Modules.LuaApp.Thunks.Games.ApiFetchGameSocialLinks:19
CorePackages.Packages._Index.Rodux.Rodux.makeThunkMiddleware:18
CorePackages.Packages._Index.Rodux.Rodux.makeThunkMiddleware:17
CorePackages.Packages._Index.Rodux.Rodux.Store:116
CoreGui.RobloxGui.Modules.LuaApp.Thunks.Games.FetchGameDetailsPageData:95 function startSecondClassFetchPromises
CoreGui.RobloxGui.Modules.LuaApp.Thunks.Games.FetchGameDetailsPageData:184
CorePackages.Packages._Index.Promise340.Promise340:175 function runExecutor
CorePackages.Packages._Index.Promise340.Promise340:184
2024-05-21T14:08:15.303Z,15.303412,2124,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] Application did receive notification, type(APP_READY, 10), data(GenericWebPage)
2024-05-21T14:08:15.364Z,15.364557,385c,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] WebProtocol OpenBrowser
2024-05-21T14:08:19.149Z,19.149271,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] launchUGCGame: (stage:LuaApp).
2024-05-21T14:08:19.149Z,19.149271,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] launchUGCGameInternal
2024-05-21T14:08:19.150Z,19.150272,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] applyLocale
2024-05-21T14:08:19.155Z,19.155279,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] [_DataModelPatch] Retrieving patch
2024-05-21T14:08:19.155Z,19.155279,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] getCachedPatch DataModelPatchConfig : type=1, assetId=5345954812, assetVersion=8905, maxAppVersion=625, localAssetURI=rbxasset://models/DataModelPatch/DataModelPatch.rbxm
2024-05-21T14:08:19.155Z,19.155279,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] getCachedPatch : numAttempts=10
2024-05-21T14:08:19.155Z,19.155279,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] getCachedPatch : contentId=rbxasset://models/DataModelPatch/DataModelPatch.rbxm
2024-05-21T14:08:19.155Z,19.155279,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] getCachedPatch : get patch from content provider for Model
2024-05-21T14:08:19.156Z,19.156281,3f68,100 [FLog::DataModelPatchConfigurer] deserializeAndVerifyPatch with blake3
2024-05-21T14:08:19.161Z,19.161741,2124,6 [FLog::WindowsLuaApp] Application did receive notification, type(APP_READY, 10), data(ExperienceDetail)
2024-05-21T14:08:19.627Z,19.627350,3f68,6,Info [FLog::Audio] OutputDevice 0: Kaiuttimet (Razer Kraken V3 X) [USB] 48000/2
2024-05-21T14:08:19.652Z,19.652264,3f68,6 [FLog::Audio] InputDevice 0: Microphone (Razer Kraken V3 X)({{7a43ddc8-ecbf-4f13-9e9dd1d28a8b15a1}}) 48000/2/4
2024-05-21T14:08:19.652Z,19.652264,3f68,6 [FLog::Audio] InputDevice 1: Mikrofoni (Steam Streaming Microphone)({{15617781-f46e-4b6d-9ebb182fafecb69e}}) 44100/1/4
2024-05-21T14:08:19.669Z,19.669367,3f68,6 [FLog::VIPTeleport] new DM, after gameLoadedSignal connect
2024-05-21T14:08:19.676Z,19.676414,3f68,6 [FLog::UGCGameController] UGCGameController, initialized DataModel(0000029F38921970)
2024-05-21T14:08:19.676Z,19.676414,3f68,6 [FLog::GameJoinUtil] GameJoinUtil::joinGame
2024-05-21T14:08:19.677Z,19.677422,3f68,6 [FLog::GameJoinUtil] GameJoinUtil::joinGamePostPrivateServer: URL: https://gamejoin.roblox.com/v1/join-private-game BODY: {"placeId":13928941253,"gameJoinAttemptId":"4809a4e1-5e03-4d11-8214-9499d0958a19","accessCode":"a7d6eee6-4293-4665-9a3a-ff3040b2dddc"}
2024-05-21T14:08:19.677Z,19.677422,385c,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController::enableVR
2024-05-21T14:08:19.677Z,19.677422,3f68,6 [FLog::GameJoinUtil] GameJoinUtil::makePlaceLauncherRequest: requestCount: 0, url: https://gamejoin.roblox.com/v1/join-private-game.
2024-05-21T14:08:19.677Z,19.677422,3f68,6 [FLog::GameJoinUtil] Delaying request by 0.00 seconds
2024-05-21T14:08:19.678Z,19.678429,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] [_:1]::replaceDataModel: (stage:3, window = 0xd0800) [tid:0x29f7d577540]
2024-05-21T14:08:19.678Z,19.678429,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController[_:1]::pause dataModel(0000029F1E5424B0), view(0000029F25AAB2A0), destroyView:0.
2024-05-21T14:08:19.678Z,19.678429,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] stop
2024-05-21T14:08:19.678Z,19.678429,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] drainRenderingJobs
2024-05-21T14:08:19.680Z,19.680443,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController::RenderJob[_:1]::~RenderJob
2024-05-21T14:08:19.696Z,19.696554,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController[_:1]::start dataModel(0000029F38921970)
2024-05-21T14:08:19.696Z,19.696554,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController::RenderJob[_:2]::RenderJob
2024-05-21T14:08:19.696Z,19.696554,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController[_:1]::run dataModel(0000029F38921970)
2024-05-21T14:08:19.696Z,19.696554,3f68,6 [FLog::SingleSurfaceApp] setStage: (stage:UGCGame)
2024-05-21T14:08:19.758Z,19.758978,385c,6 [FLog::UGCGameController] Game Scripts are loaded
2024-05-21T14:08:19.758Z,19.758978,385c,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController::RenderJob::stepDataModelJob: No DM yet. Continue...
2024-05-21T14:08:19.759Z,19.759975,3f68,6 [FLog::SurfaceController] SurfaceController::RenderJob::scheduleRender: No data model. Bind workspace now...
2024-05-21T14:08:20.140Z,20.140045,2124,6 [FLog::GameJoinUtil] GameJoinUtil::makePlaceLauncherRequest, response:
{"jobId":"c5785430-a54d-462f-9d21-f12d254df339","status":2,"statusData":null,"joinScriptUrl":"https://assetgame.roblox.com/Game/Join.ashx?ticketVersion=2&ticket={\\"UserId\\"%3a2260486916%2c\\"UserName\\"%3a\\"joonuska8\\"%2c\\"DisplayName\\"%3a\\"JonskuZ10\\"%2c\\"CharacterFetchUrl\\"%3a\\"https%3a%2f%2fapi.roblox.com%2fv1.1%2favatar-fetch%2f%3fplaceId%3d13928941253%26userId%3d2260486916\\"%2c\\"GameId\\"%3a\\"c5785430-a54d-462f-9d21-f12d254df339\\"%2c\\"PlaceId\\"%3a13928941253%2c\\"UniverseId\\"%3a4827815098%2c\\"ServerId\\"%3a1047938%2c\\"ServerPort\\"%3a60803%2c\\"IsTeleport\\"%3afalse%2c\\"FollowUserId\\"%3anull%2c\\"TimeStamp\\"%3a\\"05%2f21%2f2024+14%3a08%3a17\\"%2c\\"CharacterAppearanceId\\"%3a2260486916%2c\\"AlternateName\\"%3anull%2c\\"JoinTypeId\\"%3a4%2c\\"MatchmakingDecisionId\\"%3anull%2c\\"GameJoinMetadata\\"%3a{\\"JoinSource\\"%3a0%2c\\"RequestType\\"%3a1%2c\\"MatchmakingDecisionId\\"%3a\\"00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000\\"%2
2024-05-21T14:08:20.140Z,20.140045,2124,6 [FLog::GameJoinUtil] Game join succeeded.
2024-05-21T14:08:20.140Z,20.140045,2124,6 [FLog::GameJoinUtil] GameJoinUtil::processing join parameters
2024-05-21T14:08:20.141Z,20.141043,2124,7 [FLog::Network] NetworkClient:Create
2024-05-21T14:08:20.142Z,20.142040,2124,10 [DFLog::KeyRing] Parsed config created at: 11:59 4/1/2024.
2024-05-21T14:08:20.145Z,20.145037,2124,6 [FLog::Output] AnalyticsSessionId is 0f0560f6-633c-4931-ba8a-455dadb87ce7.
2024-05-21T14:08:20.146Z,20.146034,2124,6 [FLog::Output] ! Joining game 'c5785430-a54d-462f-9d21-f12d254df339' place 13928941253 at 10.17.7.155
2024-05-21T14:08:20.146Z,20.146034,2124,6 [FLog::GameJoinLoadTime] Report game_join_loadtime: placeid:13928941253, join_time:0.99978098400089976394, universeid:4827815098, referral_page:GameDetailPageJSHybridEvent, sid:0f0560f6-633c-4931-ba8a-455dadb87ce7, clienttime:1716300499.8559999466, userid:2260486916,
2024-05-21T14:08:20.149Z,20.149029,2124,7 [FLog::Network] Client will attempt to connect following server endpoints with threadSleepTime(-1)
2024-05-21T14:08:20.149Z,20.149029,2124,7 [FLog::Network] UDMUX Address = 128.116.21.33, Port = 60803 RCC Server Address = 10.17.7.155, Port = 60803
2024-05-21T14:08:20.150Z,20.150028,2124,7 [FLog::Network] binding socket on inaddr_any:0
2024-05-21T14:08:20.162Z,20.162868,2124,6 [FLog::Output] Connecting to UDMUX server 128.116.21.33:60803, and RCC server 10.17.7.155:60803
2024-05-21T14:08:20.362Z,20.362783,46f8,6 [FLog::Output] Connection accepted from 128.116.21.3360803
2024-05-21T14:08:20.365Z,20.365788,46f8,7 [FLog::Network] serverId: 128.116.21.3360803
2024-05-21T14:08:20.366Z,20.366791,46f8,7 [FLog::Network] Replicator created for player 128.116.21.3360803
2024-05-21T14:08:20.366Z,20.366791,46f8,7 [FLog::Network] Replicator created: 0000029F50335670
2024-05-21T14:08:20.694Z,20.694845,2124,7 [FLog::Network] Time taken to initialize schema = 12.483300 ms
2024-05-21T14:08:20.696Z,20.696840,2124,7 [FLog::Network] Assigned peer id = 4
2024-05-21T14:08:20.697Z,20.697836,2124,7 [FLog::Network] Join snapshot timer: 1.500500
2024-05-21T14:08:23.614Z,23.614683,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] SmoothCluster::initSolidTextures()
2024-05-21T14:08:23.614Z,23.614683,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] Terrain TextureArray 512x512, arraySize: 36, mip: 10
2024-05-21T14:08:24.203Z,24.203489,1cac,6 [FLog::Error] Asset (Image) "https://assetdelivery.roblox.com/v1/asset?id=0" load failed in Workspace.Map.Map.BossZone.BossIslandsDECO.Boss8Deco.BossDec.bossshrimp.Shrimp.Body.Part.Mesh.TextureId: Request failed
2024-05-21T14:08:26.452Z,26.452301,46f8,6 [FLog::Warning] Warning: Infinite yield possible on 'RobloxReplicatedStorage:WaitForChild("RequestDeviceCameraCFrame")'
2024-05-21T14:08:26.452Z,26.452301,46f8,6 [FLog::Output] Info: Stack Begin
2024-05-21T14:08:26.452Z,26.452301,46f8,6 [FLog::Output] Info: Script 'CoreGui.RobloxGui.CoreScripts/PlayerView', Line 5
2024-05-21T14:08:26.452Z,26.452301,46f8,6 [FLog::Output] Info: Stack End
2024-05-21T14:08:36.058Z,36.058613,385c,6 [FLog::VIPTeleport] made it to inside gameLoadedSignal without teleportParams
2024-05-21T14:08:36.072Z,36.072498,385c,6 [FLog::Output] Server RobloxGitHash: d2f995026f4963b40bd37e1eada84a7698834d8f
2024-05-21T14:08:36.072Z,36.072498,385c,6 [FLog::Output] Server Prefix: 0.625.0.6250509_20240521T140601Z_RCC_16ba8
2024-05-21T14:08:36.073Z,36.073490,385c,6 [FLog::VIPTeleport] create! we were able to get the vip on client: a7d6eee6-4293-4665-9a3a-ff3040b2dddc placeid: 13928941253
2024-05-21T14:08:37.018Z,37.018616,385c,6,Info [FLog::VoiceChatLogs] [C:\buildAgent\work\ci_ninja_client-x64_git\Client\App\v8datamodel\src\VoiceChatService.cpp:L497] VoiceChatService::IsVoiceEnabledForUserIdAsync caching new value: false
2024-05-21T14:08:59.514Z,59.514191,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] SceneManager: resizing main targets to 1920x1009
2024-05-21T14:09:02.015Z,62.015125,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] SceneManager: resizing main targets to 1920x1009
2024-05-21T14:09:04.512Z,64.512604,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] SceneManager: resizing main targets to 1920x1009
2024-05-21T14:10:01.557Z,121.557869,1478,6 [FLog::Output] Settings Date header was Tue, 21 May 2024 14:09:59 GMT
2024-05-21T14:10:01.557Z,121.557869,1478,6 [FLog::Output] Settings Date timestamp is 1716300599
2024-05-21T14:10:21.329Z,141.329895,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:10:26.329Z,146.329269,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:10:31.329Z,151.329605,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:10:36.328Z,156.328629,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:10:36.355Z,156.355270,1478,6 [DFLog::SignalRCoreError] ID: 1 Disconnected - Websocket closed
2024-05-21T14:10:41.329Z,161.329422,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:10:46.330Z,166.330185,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:10:51.328Z,171.328995,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:10:56.329Z,176.329788,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:11:01.330Z,181.330475,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:11:06.330Z,186.330658,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:11:11.330Z,191.330292,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:11:16.331Z,196.331696,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:11:21.331Z,201.331482,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:11:26.331Z,206.331696,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:11:31.330Z,211.330429,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:11:36.331Z,216.331345,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:11:41.331Z,221.331284,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:11:46.332Z,226.332275,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:11:51.331Z,231.331390,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:11:56.331Z,236.331772,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:12:01.332Z,241.332123,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
2024-05-21T14:12:01.760Z,241.760773,1478,6 [FLog::Output] Settings Date header was Tue, 21 May 2024 14:11:59 GMT
2024-05-21T14:12:01.761Z,241.761780,1478,6 [FLog::Output] Settings Date timestamp is 1716300719
2024-05-21T14:12:06.332Z,246.332657,3f68,6 [FLog::Graphics] WARNING: D3D Frame query timed out, has device hung?
specs:
gtx 980
i3-9100F
16 gb ram ddr4
please help.

I was dating "Mary" for about four years. She broke up with me about five months ago; it was all amicable enough. We were able to hang out a little bit, no problem at all. Then a mutual friend of ours was having a party that we both got invited to. I invited my friend "Ellen" to the party. Ellen and I have been friends for years. We went out at one point about six years ago for about a month, it totally did not work so we went back to being friends. Mary saw at the party that Ellen was there. Mary came up to me, and YELLED at me in front of everybody about it, left, unfriended me, and blocked me on chat. Am I the Jerk?
Also, while we were going out, Mary invited her ex-husband to a few large random events and parties. I talked to the guy, introduced him around a little bit, played darts with him.
Update: "Ellen" texted me to call "Mary" and tell her that Mary's facebook account was probably hacked, because Ellen just got a weird message from her.
Update: Mary has unfriended me on facebook, and I am pretty sure blocked me on text. I had already bought her birthday card though, for her birthday which is next week. Should I send her the birthday card? Thank you in advance for your input.
Latest update, this morning: I just got a text from "Mary" for the first time in three weeks. She said she still has strong emotions from the breakup, and that she does not want to be enemies.

Now for a little background my partners mother is incredibly toxic. Ignored her sons mental health, blamed others for his problems and multiple times tried to ruin her sons father's image to me when we started dating.
I'm a very open and out there person, and was taught by my family to express my feelings and not hide. So when I saw my partner hiding his feelings and hiding his issues I told him to stop. To start seeking help and confide in me. Which in turn then turned into him snapping and shouting his true fears and anger at his family when they bugged him.
They then blamed me for his mental health being in the ground and tried to make him leave me, but he chose to stay. Further down the line I had to save him from life attempts and more. This made them hate me more as I asked them many times to help him and said things like he was faking it to it wasn't my business.
Eventually things died down a little. They still told him to leave me but it never worked.
Then last year my mother passed away very abruptly, my partner is a first aider but also someone I need, so I called him to come support me. His mother then told him and his step dad I was FAKING until she was outside and saw ambulances.
This made it hard to see each other.
Things were still tense but died down, later in the year around September time, he moved in with me to escape his family and so we could see each other more and see his family whenever plans where made. Now my fiance is a very introverted person, and rarely makes plans and if he does he usually forgets or cancels. Which often ment he didn't see his family. (They also made no effort to see him) So since Nov ’23 up until yesterday they fought with him.
Telling people I was controlling him and never let him out. When I was actively trying to do the opposite even taking him to my own family outings to include him.
How the issue that's made me make this post.
On our 18th birthday in April we had a small fight as I'm very off with alcohol and don't really like it. He however likes to drink on occasion. We had plans but he went behind my back and planned a small get together when we got home from our plans with his family. Without me. I was upset but understood. I asked him not to drink much as I have a fear of vomiting and couldn't help him if he was drunk. He made a promise to me to be home by 10 and not be drunk. After ignoring me on both and coming home at midnight we fought but sorted the issue. However his mother hated I was messaging him for info. Called me a liar and controlling, saying he wasn't drinking and why does it matter where he is. I struggle with anxiety to an extent my partner made me get life360 so if I was worried I could check. And I had proof he was at a bar and he even showed me he was. Which I showed her and told her as his partner I'm not wrong to want to know he is ok. As I said we as a couple had already sorted the issue, she hadn't.
Over the past few days she's been telling him your coming home ECT ECT.
After the birthday issue I chose to go no contact with her, and if she's was adamant about speaking to me it would have to be in the presence of my father as she's made threats to hit and choke me. Well yesterday she called to say he's coming home now if buts or maybes and that she wanted to speak to me. As I said I didn't want to speak with her. So she threatened to come to our house. We told her no but she still came.
She shouted at my partner for nearly an hour to come down, to drag me to her to chat, even going as far to say I do bad things to him, speak for him and control him, threading to call the police and say I was no treating him right.
As 18 year olds home alone I was scared, I called my father for advice and was told "either you call the police or I will and I won't hold my tongue" (references the threats she's made to me) so I did, the police came and took a statement and left.
Now this morning his mother basically said you have chosen to cut me off. (My family have said it was just a blackmail message) Saying she won't be there and how there relationship is over.
He was upset but told me it wasn't my fault but he did wish I just spoke to her.
His best friend who also doesn't like me for the "controlling" reasons. Has now told his gf who was also my friend that I've ruined him ECT ECT and she's now dropped me.
I've tried for almost 5months to avoid fights and I still ruined his mother, best friend and my friend. By not speaking. It's highly likely any of the people from the story may find this.
Apologies for formatting and errors , on mobile and dyslexic. + Stressed fast typing.
TLDR: PARTNERS MOTHER HATED I HELPED HER SON AND HE DIDNT SEE HER SO SHE SCREAMED AT US AND THE POLICE WERE CALLED AND SHE DISOWNED MY PARTNER.

I don’t know what to do. I have tried absolutely everything.
So I’m a woman in my 30s who has a degree, a good enough job and all I do is work, come home, eat alone and loneliness is eating me up.
I have felt this way since I was 23 years old.
I don’t have a community of friends. I have around 3 fairly close people who were from different parts of my life (one an old job, one from high school, one from college) who I see now and then but there’s no intense, talk constantly, I can tell them anything kind of friendship, they are just people I can grab lunch with now and then months apart.
My dating life has been horrendous. I can’t even explain how bad. It makes me feel like I’m this disgusting rat. All 3 friends and family members plus random people I’ve known throughout my jobs and things have all commented on how strange it is that I don’t have a partner and how badly things go for me.
The people I have dated in my past have all treated me very similarly. As in, I’ve never had an amicable breakup that ended nicely. They’ve all left me feeling awful. Everyone has always been extremely blunt in telling me I’m basically not good enough. Some phrases I’ve heard were: “you make me feel like I want to get myself back” “I didn’t ever see a future with you and didn’t know why I didn’t tell you this before” “you’re boring” “I understand why your friends and family don’t bother with you” “I just don’t care about you” “
I don’t drink alcohol and all these people told me at the start it wasn’t a problem for them. But sooner or later they would comment on how nice it would be if I joined them for a wine out on the porch after work or be able to go to a cocktail bar. And they would pressure me into doing it despite my strong stance on just not enjoying it. It almost seemed like everyone I dated was a disguised alcoholic even though they weren’t because that was the topic of a lot of our arguments … even though I know they weren’t in their “normal life” but just with me alcohol seemed so important that I didn’t do it.
I always came away feeling awful. I have an array of hobbies and find myself interesting - care for animals, reading, hiking, nature, skiing, cycling, I draw, and also write stories - nobody was ever interested in reading any or caring.
Whenever I go out with friends their partners… care. It’s something I noticed a lot. They’d text or call and ask for updates. Even when I was in relationships this didn’t happen. I’ve never, EVER had a partner or boyfriend who cared about me. This is not normal and I’ve never felt loved.
Both of my parents aren’t here either and I have a weird relationship with my brother. He’s married with kids and we aren’t close. I’ve tried and again I feel “not enough”. He tells me he doesn’t WANT to go on vacations with me because I don’t drink and he likes to go to bars and sip wine at nice places and I’d just not be compatible with him on holiday. He therefore doesn’t ever ask to hang out with me in our own country.
I was only ever close with my mother and miss her so much it hurts. I don’t feel connected with anyone and feel my personality must be so awful that nobody wants me around.
I’ve travelled a lot and even lived in other countries and feel deflated. If I do something pretty cool or a nice achievement I can’t tell anyone. Sure, a couple of my friends might send a nice text but I have nobody to hug, kiss or hype me up. I come home to my empty apartment and just have my own thoughts.
Every date I go on recently is a reflection of my past. People just seem to be super interested in the start, as in.. I have no issues getting matches and getting a good conversation flowing, sometimes even up to three moths of dating but then it ends. The same patterns occur where they suddenly don’t want a serious thing and are gone.
I’m broken making these constant deep connections with strangers only to then feel like I never knew them at all.
Friends have told me in the past I am too nice and fall too hard and people can see this but I don’t get it.
I pour my heart and soul into connections I do make, am sweet and caring and it’s never enough for people. I’ve never ever felt anything was ever reciprocated.
Everyone around me has a marriage - a stable, grown adult marriage with house problems and real life stuff, kids or engagements, stuff like that. I want that so much. I want a person to share my life with. I am so tired of being alone and being on this age on apps and going through the same things feeling so unloved and unwanted.
I look around - and this is going to sound judgmental and I don’t mean to be. But I look around at others I knew from school and friends and things and even people who are either not very attractive or even people with horrific personalities (mean, screechy, drama central kind of people) have good loyal husbands and a fairly decent enough life.
I feel like I’ve witnessed multiple situations where people cheat, so awful things and still someone is FIGHTING for someone to stay, fighting for love, somebody is a staple in their life worth it.
For me that’s just exactly what I feel I don’t have. Nobody has ever fought for me. Never cared enough to even go into a serious, let’s live together, maybe get married situations. Nobody has ever made effort the way I do. I’m good looking enough, not the most sexy person in the room but get told I’m natural beauty, cute and stuff like that. I try and take care of myself. I have that “sweet shy gentle” type personality and everyone I meet tells me I have such a good heart and soul. I really do everything for people. So I don’t understand.
I’m terrified of this continuing and I’m exhausted. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I’m absolutely broken with feeling like my whole life has been loss around me, in terms of death of my loved ones and also loss of people I’ve cared for and wanted something with, loss of friendships that were once more solid and now are casual, just loss of everything.
Like I said I’ve tried travelling, lived in other countries, joined so many hobby groups and clubs, the amount of nights I’ve sat at a random meet up of a social night with a soft drink and chatted and gave it my all for nothing to come of it is hard to remember, I’ve even reached out on social media to old friends from random hobbies and school and nothing comes of anything.
I don’t know what else to do. I enjoy my own company but I’m now at a point where it’s depressing me so much. I don’t want this to be my life. I want to go to theme parks with someone and feel alive. I want to book holidays with someone and get excited. I want to pack together and prepare their bags. I want to ask someone about their day. I want to share plans. I don’t want to just come home anymore and stare at a wall. Constantly see people thriving on social media. Have no family at important holidays. Nobody to celebrate things, I feel so empty and not even a part of society when I see the beach packed with people, gifts for sale in stores, etc. it’s not for me because I have no one.
I don’t know what else to do. If something cool happens in my day it didn’t really happen because I am literally by myself and have nobody who cares. I feel like other single people still have close friends or a mother or father who is interested, even a community of some sort. But I am literally alone.
Even when I do stuff with friends it’s only for an hour or two and I’ll get a taste of what a nice happy life is like, maybe an hour walking along a nice beach or a nice dinner somewhere with people around us then I’m back to being alone when they go back home to their husbands and have a cute night.
I cry everyday and don’t understand this. I’m so envious of people who have tons of people in their life. I never will have that even if I find a partner. But it just kills that even that part doesn’t exist. I can’t even explain how empty I feel. My birthday went by with one text message from one of my close friends and the other two sent one days later saying they forgot and had been busy. It’s like I don’t exist. And I’m terrified and don’t know what to do.