Hey everyone! I've rewritten this post so many times over the past week or so since this event happened and I'm still struggling to process everything that's happened/happening. Thanks for bearing with me. I hope this makes sense. Sorry it's so long, but maybe context is important?
Anyways I'm a terrible person, I know that. I told a lie to my friends and was revealed in public and kinda had a freakout about it and idk, made things worse?
I've always struggled with lying-- usually only to my parents. Idk if it's because I was adopted... Young, but old enough to know. My parents were very open about it which was a good thing, never kept it hidden. But, and idk if this was perceived or true... But it felt transactional. Like I owed them my life. They didn't 'enforce' this view on me or anything, but I always felt beholden to them. My parents were both from immigrant families with very harsh/strict/ambitious parents (mum especially). They tried their best to be better, but I was still so scared of messing up and losing everything or just disappointing them in general, especially as their responses to me not 'getting something' or being the right way about things was scary. (I want to say the phrase 'control issues' in here somewhere but idk that that's true or accurate. I don't know enough about it.) I wanted to be good, seem like I was doing ok even when I wasn't. I'm not even honest with myself sometimes.
(I know I need therapy to work through this all... I'll get there but that isn't the point)
So anyways, me as a kid hiding anything that went wrong, or I messed up, or forgot, just trying to be a good kid. Live up to my older (perfect, everyone's favourite) brother. I forgot to submit a book to my school library for my birthday and instead of just going to the school and giving it in late, I buried it in the yard (wtf). I'd fail tests and lie about it, say it went fine etc. Mum digging in the garden, finds the book. Gets a call from my teacher about failing the test. So just ongoing things I'd lie about and my parents often found out. But not always. Not enough for lying or misrepresenting the truth to not be worth it; I guess I justified it that way.
As a result, my relationship with my parents is a pastiche of various lies and truths that help me feel like I'm more successful in their eyes and I feel like less of a failure and hopefully they believe at least part of it. Loving, but strained at times. My life has turned a few major corners and I've put some distance between us and I guess matured enough that I've been doing better with it and coming clean has been a bit easier in that regard. But still little things like I'll say I'm having a salad for dinner instead of my actual plan which is a burger or whatever. Little things. One might call these 'white' lies? Doesn't matter. Not really worried about that right now. I've resolved to work hard and fix this, end it for good. I've realized there's no point. It just adds unnecessary stress to my life and I want to be a better person. I want to be honourable and honest going forward. That's what I really owe everyone around me: honesty.
Idk what happened a couple of weeks ago. Usually this doesn't bleed over into my everyday work/personal life. I've been honest with my friends so far with things. I don't think I've done anything beyond embellishing a funny story here and there etc... (doesn't everyone do that?) So idk why I did it. I told my work pals that I went to the beach two weekends ago on the holiday off. I didn't. I wanted to, discussed it w my partner but ended up not going due to various factors. So the Tuesday back, we're all chatting about our holidays. Someone mentions the beach, I didn't really do much else worth talking about that weekend so I just said something like "oh yeah we went this weekend" so my weekend didn't sound so boring maybe? Idk, just seemed like the right thing to say at the time. Obviously wasn't. Then chatted generally about the beach near here a bit later in the day. I've visited a lot of times (just not that particular time) so was able to paste together some believable statements.
The following weekend we're all out at a community brunch and my coworkebest friend asks my partner about our trip to the beach... To which he reacts appropriately like a normal fucking person and says we didn't go to the beach. He knows about my tendencies towards my parents but was surprised to hear this coming from my friends. It was a really awkward moment and I said some bizarre things to kind of cover my tracks, like he had promised to take me but then didn't and I was upset about it so I had told everyone he did... So I could make him feel bad... Anyways he's a saint, and found it in himself to forgive me and we've worked it out.
I just don't know how to approach this with my friends. Things have definitely been weird and tense since this happened. I don't know if I should just bring it up or like, pull them aside at work sometime. I have a rough idea of what I'd say; I'm usually pretty chill and jokey so I could keep light and easy-going but. Idk. I'm struggling with this part specifically. Any thoughts/things that might help? I know trust has been broken and will take time to rebuild. I know I'm a shitty person but I'm trying to be better. Honest.
Thanks for reading :))

Hey all,
When I was young around 17, I used to love playing metalcore music. I’m now 32 and haven’t played since those days. I was the vocalist and I sang and screamed. I’ve worked with kids since I was 19 and have done a great job building relationships. I teach 4th grade math and the kids are constantly telling me they love me and how appreciative they are of me.
I recently was approached by a friend from the band days about doing a side project. We will not be playing live shows but will put music up on Spotify and plan to start social media content. Gonna do just like funny videos and me singing along to our songs but nothing inappropriate. Our lyrics can be a little dark because it’s metal but no cursing, drug related, or sexual content. For example, “Void of life, void of light, and I can’t see. Is the darkness taking over me?” Are some of the lyrics.
I do not plan to promote my music to the kids or tell them the band name. but the world is small and I know people will find it. What are yalls opinions? Do you believe teachers should be able to play heavy music? Do yall think I’ll be okay once the public finds out? Any similar situations you’ve heard of?
Thanks!

I have 5 nephews and a niece; the 3 oldest nephews are my sister's kids, my brother's kids are another nephew and my niece, and my fifth nephew is my half-brother's kid. As indicated, my 3 oldest nephews played a role in why I've chosen to remain childfree, although my sister and our mom were at fault as well because they were too permissive and didn't consistently enforce rules and boundaries, especially at our (me, our mom, and our stepdad) residence.
I had just started my freshman year of high school when Oldest Nephew was born. It was exciting at first, but then after time went by, things changed. My sister and ON were living with me, our mom, and our stepdad when 2nd Nephew was born (during my junior year), and of course they continued living with us afterward. ON was 2 at this time, so naturally he was at that infamous stage. It was perfectly okay for my sister and Mom to discipline him, but if I tried to discipline him, or at least stand up for myself, it was the end of the world. Here are 2 examples from my junior year of high school, after 2N was born:
ON spilled a drink on purpose. When I made it clear I didn't like or appreciate him doing that, Sister screamed "Who gives a fuck? You both argue like you're two goddamn years old!" Yeah, and cursing at the top of her lungs sure made her look and sound like a mature adult...
A few days later, I was trying to read the paper, when ON started walking on it. I calmly asked him to please let me finish reading the newspaper, and Sister came storming up, and yelled "There are other newspapers in this goddamn house!" I hollered something back when she left, and she came storming back and screamed "If 2N wakes up, you're putting him back to goddamn sleep!" Even though Sister was the one who flew off the handle and started all the shouting in the first place...
Mom was well aware of those incidents, but all she did was say "I'm just tired of all the fighting." Didn't even attempt to enforce rules and boundaries, or act like she even cared about my mental health and well-being when it came to ON overstepping boundaries and Sister flipping out on me when I attempted to stand up for myself.
A couple more incidents which took place shortly after I graduated from high school, and when sister, ON, and 2N were living with us yet again:
I was trying to talk to a former teacher on the cordless phone. ON went in to where we kept the stand for the cordless phone, and started pressing the buttons on it! Of course he got a kick out of it. I told Mom about it later, she laughed and said "He's just a little kid!" Now, I bet it wouldn't have been so adorable if he did that to her while she was trying to talk on the phone...
A few nights or so after that, I was in my room trying to talk to this same former teacher on the phone again, when ON came barging in. I calmly asked him to leave, but he just stared at me like a smart-aleck. I grabbed his arm and took him into the hall, he griped "You hurt my arm!" I once again attempted to carry on my conversation, when Mom yelled at the top of her lungs "OP's name!!!" I never would've harmed ON (or 2N) on purpose, no matter what. I thought Mom realized that. But nevertheless, she gave me a lecture about hurting ON, while not even giving him a lecture about respecting and listening to me.
My 3rd nephew was born around the time my sister got a fresh start by attending college. It was wonderful having our home to ourselves again. But even when my sister and 3 oldest nephews were living on their own in a different town, they'd come to our place as often as they wanted as long as they wanted, and despite knowing darn well that it was a burden on me, Stepdad, and she herself, Mom kept on tolerating it even when she had enough and knew that she had enough.
When I finally left home by joining the US Army, Mom was so worried about people being mean to me and taking advantage of me and how she wouldn't be there to protect me from such people. Funny, because not only did Mom let Sister and her 3 kids take advantage of her as often as they wanted and as long as they wanted all those years, but she never protected me from them either.
ON is 23 now. We get along okay these days, but unfortunately I'm not as close to him as I could be, due to how he was during those days and how Sister and Mom were too permissive with him and didn't stand up for me, or allow me to stand up for myself.
By the time I reached high school I already knew that I wanted to be childfree; these experiences with my eccentric pain-in-the-arse family made my desire to be childfree even stronger.
Sometimes people make comments like "That's what kids do, they get a rise out of older kids." Guess what? That right there is part of the problem; an excuse used to not discipline kids or teach them right from wrong.

I have 5 nephews and a niece; the 3 oldest nephews are my sister's kids, my brother's kids are another nephew and my niece, and my fifth nephew is my half-brother's kid. As indicated, my 3 oldest nephews played a role in why I've chosen to remain childfree, although my sister and our mom were at fault as well because they were too permissive and didn't consistently enforce rules and boundaries, especially at our (me, our mom, and our stepdad) residence.
I had just started my freshman year of high school when Oldest Nephew was born. It was exciting at first, but then after time went by, things changed. My sister and ON were living with me, our mom, and our stepdad when 2nd Nephew was born (during my junior year), and of course they continued living with us afterward. ON was 2 at this time, so naturally he was at that infamous stage. It was perfectly okay for my sister and Mom to discipline him, but if I tried to discipline him, or at least stand up for myself, it was the end of the world. Here are 2 examples from my junior year of high school, after 2N was born:
ON spilled a drink on purpose. When I made it clear I didn't like or appreciate him doing that, Sister screamed "Who gives a fuck? You both argue like you're two goddamn years old!" Yeah, and cursing at the top of her lungs sure made her look and sound like a mature adult...
A few days later, I was trying to read the paper, when ON started walking on it. I calmly asked him to please let me finish reading the newspaper, and Sister came storming up, and yelled "There are other newspapers in this goddamn house!" I hollered something back when she left, and she came storming back and screamed "If 2N wakes up, you're putting him back to goddamn sleep!" Even though Sister was the one who flew off the handle and started all the shouting in the first place...
Mom was well aware of those incidents, but all she did was say "I'm just tired of all the fighting." Didn't even attempt to enforce rules and boundaries, or act like she even cared about my mental health and well-being when it came to ON overstepping boundaries and Sister flipping out on me when I attempted to stand up for myself.
A couple more incidents which took place shortly after I graduated from high school, and when sister, ON, and 2N were living with us yet again:
I was trying to talk to a former teacher on the cordless phone. ON went in to where we kept the stand for the cordless phone, and started pressing the buttons on it! Of course he got a kick out of it. I told Mom about it later, she laughed and said "He's just a little kid!" Now, I bet it wouldn't have been so adorable if he did that to her while she was trying to talk on the phone...
A few nights or so after that, I was in my room trying to talk to this same former teacher on the phone again, when ON came barging in. I calmly asked him to leave, but he just stared at me like a smart-aleck. I grabbed his arm and took him into the hall, he griped "You hurt my arm!" I once again attempted to carry on my conversation, when Mom yelled at the top of her lungs "OP's name!!!" I never would've harmed ON (or 2N) on purpose, no matter what. I thought Mom realized that. But nevertheless, she gave me a lecture about hurting ON, while not even giving him a lecture about respecting and listening to me.
My 3rd nephew was born around the time my sister got a fresh start by attending college. It was wonderful having our home to ourselves again. But even when my sister and 3 oldest nephews were living on their own in a different town, they'd come to our place as often as they wanted as long as they wanted, and despite knowing darn well that it was a burden on me, Stepdad, and she herself, Mom kept on tolerating it even when she had enough and knew that she had enough.
When I finally left home by joining the US Army, Mom was so worried about people being mean to me and taking advantage of me and how she wouldn't be there to protect me from such people. Funny, because not only did Mom let Sister and her 3 kids take advantage of her as often as they wanted and as long as they wanted all those years, but she never protected me from them either.
ON is 23 now. We get along okay these days, but unfortunately I'm not as close to him as I could be, due to how he was during those days and how Sister and Mom were too permissive with him and didn't stand up for me, or allow me to stand up for myself.
By the time I reached high school I already knew that I wanted to be childfree; these experiences with my eccentric pain-in-the-arse family made my desire to be childfree even stronger.
Sometimes people make comments like "That's what kids do, they get a rise out of older kids." Guess what? That right there is part of the problem; an excuse used to not discipline kids or teach them right from wrong.

Q: Vlada, good evening. It’s awkward to ask, but can we expect that Seth will have more than one intimate relationship before the end of the story, but at least two? I can’t help it, lately I’ve started to worry that the story with Oberron/Guidon might repeat itself.
Vlada: I can answer this way: there will be exactly as many intimate connections with all the LIs as is appropriate in the plot and as appropriate in the story. Regarding, strictly speaking, the finale and what will happen there: you must agree that inappropriate intimacy is not very good, I will try to make sure that they are all appropriate. You will judge the quantity yourself as you go through the story.

\Question to Oksana. Vlada's comment about anti-paths, their presence and writing. It's nice when players choose or read these paths**

Q: Hello, Vlada, please tell me, will there still be an opportunity to remove the mask from Raven? Or was this a one-time event? It would be great if it were possible to present Raven with a choice: does he want it? Is he ready? I took off the mask from Raven, will everything be bad with him now?
Vlada: Answering without spoilers. Firstly, it will be possible to remove the mask from Raven if you did not remove it in the last update. Secondly, if you removed it in the last update, I cannot say anything, because this, of course, is a spoiler. But in order not to say anything unnecessary, I wrote a rather lengthy warning before this choice. Very voluminous. This is probably my first voluminous warning of this format. Nika won’t let you lie, I consulted with her about how effective this warning can be. Therefore, I think it answers any questions. And yes, without this choice in the future there will be an opportunity to remove the mask from Raven or... he will take it off. In general, there will be options... there will be options, I will answer this way.

Q: Hello, Vlada, please tell me, will there still be an opportunity to remove the mask from Raven? Or was this a one-time event? It would be great if it were possible to present Raven with a choice: does he want it? Is he ready? I took off the mask from Raven, will everything be bad with him now?
Vlada: Answering without spoilers. Firstly, it will be possible to remove the mask from Raven if you did not remove it in the last update. Secondly, if you removed it in the last update, I cannot say anything, because this, of course, is a spoiler. But in order not to say anything unnecessary, I wrote a rather lengthy warning before this choice. Very voluminous. This is probably my first voluminous warning of this format. Nika won’t let you lie, I consulted with her about how effective this warning can be. Therefore, I think it answers any questions. And yes, without this choice in the future there will be an opportunity to remove the mask from Raven or... he will take it off. In general, there will be options... there will be options, I will answer this way.

\Vlada admits that she loves the lore of the Vampirus Novus novel and that Nika’s help is invaluable.**

Vlada: I can say separately, if you suddenly noticed in the latest update of “Lullaby of Witches” this beautiful white darkening around the edges when Esther sees the old woman. This is the creation of the beautiful Nika. And when I saw it at the time of testing the story, I was so delighted, because it perfectly conveys the atmosphere. That's it, I'm done praising Nika. I’ll praise her later after the call...

Q: Vlada, tell me, please. In the chat, you said that there would be a reaction to outfits from those LIs from whom there were none. Did you mean Dario and Richard? Which outfit exactly - “Anastasia” or “Esmeralda”? Or both?
Vlada: I guess that “Anastasia” and “Esmeralda” are our two roulette images. One is a blue dress, the other is a gypsy style dress. Not all the LIs had a reaction to the blue image, to the theatrical dress, because not everyone saw our heroine in it. And not all of them had the opportunity to see her. After all, we are in St. Petersburg, it’s winter, it’s frosty, and it would be somehow illogical to wear it outside. Therefore, those LIs who did not see our heroine in this dress will have the opportunity to see her in the next update. And I will try to make sure that you know at what moment you need to put on this dress, and put it on. Also, of course, all the LIs will definitely have a reaction to the new image from roulette that is in it now.

\Nika was asked with whom she maintains branches in ToI, LoW and VN. Vlada mentioned that in the novel "Vampirus Novus" she fell in love with Nicholas and clarified that she does not blame Nika for the opinion that Odion is a red flag. Nika said that she runs a double branch in LoW (mainly) with Richard and Nikolai**
Vlada: I think this is a pretty common triangle, judging by the last few moments... I have a fun question for myself here. Firstly, “Vlada is a gorgeous woman” - thank you very much to whoever wrote this.

Q: Can I take your son Dario to be my husband?
Vlada: It’s possible, in principle I’m all for it. I... I'm not sure how... how much I can call Dario my son. Of course, all the characters are sons and daughters, that’s all... But somehow Dario... there, you want a certain respect... he... in general, you understand. \ laughs** It's difficult! But yes, be sure to pick it up, like all your favorites. I think they will all be wonderful, if not husbands, then lovers.

Q: Vlada, a question from the “Corner” about Raven and books, if possible, please.
Vlada: For those who don’t know, “Corner” is the name of my chat on Telegram - “(Not) Thoth’s Corner”. Because I am (not) The One. About books that... \laughs** about books that Raven might love. To be honest, I don’t really like to point my finger at the ceiling, because there are some character moments that, of course, are not thought through by the author, that do not affect the character and are not the source of the backstory. For example, favorite books. Favorite books are not always thought out for characters. But I think Raven read an infinite amount of things throughout his life and it seems to me that he would be a devotee of Russian authors. And probably, it seems to me, he would be great... “cool”, what am I saying! - he would very much love this whole theme of “table rassa”, that is, a “blank slate”, - where a person without personality and without everything finds in pure nature his new personality and true... the truth of life. I'll say this. I've burdened you a little. Okay, let's not talk about that. Raven is basically a complex character. And he must love books that are difficult. So it's something like this. Look and see about Russian authors, I’ll be interested to know what books you think Raven would love in your opinion.

Q: Do you read players' theories regarding the plot? Are there those that hit the mark? How does this make you feel?
Vlada: I absolutely love reading theories. Moreover, both theories that hit the nail on the head (there are such things), and those that, in principle, reveal history in a new way. Maybe yes, they don’t fit into the plot, but at the same time they show some completely different world that could have been. And it's actually amazing. Just the other day, I think it was yesterday, in my chat someone suggested that the Triumvirate of the Coven in the story "Lullaby of Witches", that is, Raven, Belogor and Lucretia, can symbolize the Triad of deities, in which those in charge believe: Father, Demiurge and goddess Hecate. And I, in fact, thought until recently that no one would notice that we really have 3 members of the Coven here leading it, and that there is such a connection. But this was noticed, so thank you very much for the theories. Even if you hit the nail on the head, and if you can guess what will happen next, I’m happy about it, because it means that this “further” is logical. Therefore, thank you, indeed, for your interest in history, for writing such wonderful theories.

Q: Why does Raven have no moles on his face, no scars, or any features, such as freckles? The face is very smooth.
Vlada: Let's start with the fact that Raven has at least a tattoo on his face (without a mask). Therefore, he has this part. Moreover, he has wrinkles on his face. And, perhaps, at the moment, with the emotion that appeared in the game, you have not seen them, but they are there, they are drawn. The rest of Raven's face is drawn as it should be. If it seems too smooth, this opinion has its place, but he was never originally planned to have more moles, scars, so Raven is what he should be.

Q: Will there be a POV ("Point of View") in LoW from the perspective of Dario and Raven?
Vlada: Yes, there will be. POVs of all LIs in LoW will appear until the end of the story. And, perhaps, not only with LIs, but there will definitely be a switch, because here there is a significant difference from the Tablet. ToI is written from the third person, LoW is written from Esther’s point of view, and in order for us to switch between characters, we must make a POV from their perspective. While in ToI, in principle, I can even change vocal characters within one passage. So yes, this will definitely happen.

Q: What color is the magic of Belogor and Lucretia? Does their magic have some kind of peculiarity similar to Raven’s “ink” smudges?
Vlada: Lucretia’s magic is green, like her main dress. She looks quite simple - light in her eyes, shine from her hands, at least that's all that is visible in her clothes. And what is not visible is in the rib area and it looks quite scary. Maybe I'll draw it sometime). Belogor's magic is almost white. It is a warm milky color, but very light. Its peculiarity is that it simply glows with a soft light, that is, unlike the same Esther (who has various manifestations of magic either with lightning or dark stripes), Belogor does not have this, it is just the light that comes from his eyes . Even the hands don't glow.

Q: Are there songs that you associate with Lucretia and Belogor? If so, can you name one for each?
Vlada: These questions raise an interesting suspicion for me. Do you want to ship Lucretia and Belogor? Stop. No need. Stop. But I will answer anyway. I strongly associate Lucretia (from the very beginning of writing the Lullaby) with the song “La monture” from the musical “Notre Dame de Paris”. It is sung by Fleur-de-Lys, the bride of our captain Phoebus. In it she sings: “Please hang Esmeralda, and then everything will be fine with you.” Why she is associated with Lucretia - I don’t know; there’s probably nothing characteristic here. It just happened that way. As for Belogor, \laughs** “Black Raven, what are you doing?” This is the first thing that came to mind. If anything, I’ll think about it again and then I’ll tell you more precisely.

Q: Hello. If you read fanfiction based on your stories and the stories of your colleagues, do you read only prose or poems too? Do you have any favorites?
Vlada: Sometimes we stop by. We even had a stream where we looked into fanfiction, so yes, we read it. Of course, when the opportunity arises, this does not always happen, but I personally try to sometimes look in to see what interesting things you write there.

Q: Is a happy ending possible with Dario? With a double branch with Dario and Richard, will it be possible to make the final choice before burning in the fire?
Vlada: Why did I bring these questions together? Because, on the one hand, yes, a happy ending is possible with each of the LoW LIs. On the other hand, if you perform certain actions that, as you assume, could lead to a fire (I see an assumption here, this is not a spoiler, I don’t know if this will happen, I won’t tell you, but since you assume it, it means it’s possible, you think about it). Accordingly, in this situation, I don’t know how happy the ending can be. But it will definitely be interesting. Will it be possible to switch sides and make a final choice... Very soon this will become difficult, because we are already approaching book 3, and at the time of book 3 we either need to decide, or decide that we have not decided, but then changing our minds, it will no longer be possible. I said a lot, just not to spoil it. But I hope you understand.

Q: Do you already have ideas about writing a third novel?
Vlada: Yes. There are such ideas, at least the person who is with me on the screen, or maybe both people, inside we all know that there are ideas. They are already pretty well written. Moreover, I’ll tell you a secret that I have a huge folder with references, and I have a rough idea of ​​what my main character should look like. So yes, of course there are references to the next story. Perhaps this is my additional switch from history to writing books, when I just sit down and think: “What will happen next.” But it’s too early to talk about this. I really want to write 2 stories in a high-quality and interesting way for you, and, returning also to Oksana’s answer, I can say that I would not want to write 2 stories in the future. Not because it somehow bothers me too much. Switching is really very pleasant, but I would really like all readers to receive stories on time, and the pace, which Oksana also talked about, is very important for the author when you see the rapid development of the story. Therefore, I think that I will not dilute my next story with anything, with any other story.

Q: Vlada, which one should I prescribe for the evil Ife? Ife's thoughts are really creepy. How do you get into the mindset of writing an Egyptian villainess?
Vlada: It’s difficult. I’ll be honest with you that this is probably the part of my two visual novels that I spend the most time on and really stress out when I write it. Because Ife, along the path of selfish choices and along the path of evil, differs from the main one, let’s say, Ife - from good Ife - radically. And of course, the story still places more emphasis on Ife, so a lot of her thoughts are written down. And since a lot of Ife’s thoughts are written into the story, I always need to write two versions of the heroine: good and evil. And the evil one scares me, really. Sometimes it is very unpleasant for me to write it. If I were just an outside player, and not the author, I would not be able to follow the path of the evil Ife, because it would simply be morally difficult for me to do what she does and think what she thinks about other heroes.

Q: Vlada, thank you for the gorgeous date with Giovanni in the style of the early Renaissance! Can I ask what your inspiration was for this episode? The LI and the writer have the same name - Giovanni, is this a coincidence or some kind of plot reference?
Vlada: The fact that Boccaccio’s Decameron was chosen has nothing to do with the fact that the author of the Decameron is called Giovanni. Rather, this is due to the fact that I really wanted to pay tribute to my teacher in foreign literature at VGIK, who instilled in me a love for Boccaccio and, in principle, for that entire era in literature. And here the Decameron fit into the character of Giovanni very well and I think that this is how he could begin to flirt, it would seem very open but at the same time on the edge and in the style of the Renaissance.

Q: Can we hope for a happy ending with Atsu if he remains human? Initially, he was attracted by the fact that he was a simple guy in their company, and I didn’t want to change that.
Vlada: God Atsu or man does not affect his character, because his character was built when he was a man. And Atsu becoming a god is, first of all, receiving an important plot artifact. Accordingly, if you don’t have this important plot artifact, then one way or another the ending will already change, and... it will already change, I stopped myself right on the brink so as not to spoil it. Also, if you still made Atsu a god, then no one says that he will remain a god until the end of history. Or maybe it will remain, or perhaps the decision will be yours.

Q: Is a good ending possible with Odion?
Vlada: First of all, I’ll say that there is an ending with Odion. There will be a separate ending with him. How good is he? Well, maybe for some it is good, after all, we have players who specifically go through the anti-path, which means technically a good ending for them - the one on the anti-path. So yes, it exists. Let me remind you that in the generally accepted understanding there cannot be a good ending for the evil Ife, on the branch with Odion. That is, there will be, but without any hopes. But at the same time, of course, along the path of good Ife, there will be a good ending, and more than one, for every LI. I’ll answer something like this: I’m very much swimming in a sea of ​​spoilers right now.

Q: I noticed that there is voice acting for minor characters. Will the main ones have it? I really want to hear the voices of the LIs.
Vlada: It seems to me that everyone imagines the voices of LIs in their own way, and the voice acting of LIs is textual, that is, some of their phrases can break for someone what they imagined in their head, and you don’t want to impose it. But screams, moans, something else, why not. The laughter is the same. Once in my Lullaby of Witches, there was Dario’s laughter in the cathedral, and in order to voice this laughter, there was a whole casting of quite a large number of men, I listened to a lot of recordings of laughter. Firstly, I realized that not everyone can laugh like that, surprisingly, it was really difficult. But in the end, fortunately, the laugh was good. Moreover, as far as I remember, it was even a foreign voice actor.

Q: How did you feel when writing the printed versions of your books?
Vlada: In fact, it probably also depends on the fact that you have been working on the same story for a very long time. And for example, at first I had a super explosion of emotions and I didn’t believe at all that “Tablet of Isis” was published as a book. Then I calmed down a little. Now I can work more calmly and thoughtfully, without unnecessary emotions, so to speak, on the next books. The second "Tablet" will be available for pre-order very soon. Recently I had a new round of explosion of the same emotions, because my other story - “Lullaby of Witches” - will be a book. I feel that by the second book the emotions will again become even and calm, measured, working, and then maybe, if there are some more books, it will be an explosion again and again. Just an endless process of emotions of the author who writes. And in fact, I’m just grateful to everything, the universe, the League, my colleagues, everyone, for being there and for the fact that this is even possible.

Q: Which endings do you prefer to write and create: happy or tragic?
Vlada after Oksana’s words that she doesn’t like to work on finals on unpopular forks that one and a half diggers will see: I have such a fork even not in the finale. In ToI, you can get a reaction much later than closing with Kaef‘l and Atsu to a double branch (if it was there before the moment when it was necessary to decide). In principle, there were not many people who followed this path, because in ToI the choice of a LI happens quite quickly. In general, to reach this fork, you need to go through seven circles of hell, but nevertheless it is written. I'm almost not even offended. I love writing this because I sit here and chuckle maliciously: this is my super special VIP fork, no one will see it, but I know it’s there. I probably prefer writing half-assed endings (meaning parts of the story). And I love reading endings, where everything is fine with the main characters, they have a future, but they had to sacrifice some moments. Because sugar is not at all interesting to me personally as a reader, and as an author I also want to delve into all sorts of psychological things. But I love all finales equally. Something like this.

Q: Vlada, is there a chance in the near future to see Giovanni and Adrian in new clothes, if not roulette, then maybe they will change clothes in the story itself?
Vlada: Yes, definitely. When it's LoW's turn, several of story‘s LIs have a chance to dress up for a certain occasion, so to speak.

Q: Will the familiar be able to materialize so that other characters, not just the heroine, can see it?
Vlada: Yes, this is mentioned in the story, but for now he does not want to be visible. But if it is his desire or if the heroine asks, then it is quite possible that someone will see the familiar. Moreover, I will say a small spoiler, perhaps this will happen sooner than you think.

Q: Approximately how many finals are planned in ToI for all forks and branches?
Vlada: As I answered earlier, for the author, a fork is not only a layer of text that changes everything. It can even be one phrase, but it is formatted according to all the rules. If we count all such forks, there may be a hundred or more of them. But we don't take them because it's not a complete different ending. I don't have the text in front of my eyes, and I can't count them now. Perhaps after you go through the ToI final (and there is only one book left before it, it’s nonsense), I will count the number of finals, or you can count it yourself. But I can say that the finals will be influenced in any case by all the main stats: Ur, Hekau, Rogue, Righteous and the LIs. In general, there will be a lot of them.

Nika asks a provocative question from the chat: Have the nude sprites of the LoW LIs been drawn yet (except for Adrian, of course)?
She answers : No.
Vlada: There will be intimate scenes with all the LIs. Although LoW pretends to be a Gothic novel, it is also a love novel. I recently watched Bridgerton. You understand what my inspiration is now.

Q: Vlada, tell me why the funeral were exactly like some kind of party? I was very upset by this funeral. And the heroine was in white. Why didn't anyone react? This is disrespect for the relatives of the deceased, who ended up among ordinary people.
Vlada: Firstly, it was not a funeral. It was a farewell after the funeral, so to speak, the official part. It was literally a party, as Nikolai said when Esther first came to his ship. He said it was all a sham and he didn't want to be here. In addition, regarding white clothing, for those in charge it is more appropriate in such situations. And Nikolai, of course, did not react in any way, because he knows about it. He warned that those in charge also serve on his ship, and for him this is normal. Other people were already looking at him with extreme interest in a negative sense. And we already know about Lansky the Elder from history. Therefore, there was absolutely no need for additional reaction, any belittling of Esther’s image.

I'm 17, male, from the Philippines. Growing up I was never a music geek, I like singing songs I like on karaoke for fun but my voice is mediocre at best. I took guitar lessons back in 4th Grade, when I was about 9 years old, but I never took it seriously and continued it because I was just a kid who was busy playing video games all the time.
And here I am now proclaiming I want to do music.
Its a bit of a rash and not-so rash decision. One thing I'm passionate about and I believe I'm decently good at is poetry. Its not your typical rhyming, syllable counting pieces, I write more of monologues, based on and inspired by my life, the life of others, and other sources. I take inspiration from film, media, and even music to invoke emotion and share a story and message. But I always felt like it was a waste of my talent and potential, I would write these long poems in my free time and just upload it in my private social media accounts for my few friends to read.
Why am I saying all this? Well, it's because, for once in my life, I feel like I actually know what I want to do and who I wanna be. I want to share my message to the world by putting it out there through music. I've always loved music but I never really considered it ad a career until recently. I listen to a lot of music, while studying, working out at the gym, or just in my down time. I listen to all these amazing artists and admire their poet-like skills and abilities.
Recently, I picked up my old guitar and for the past few weeks, I've been practicing non-stop. I've improved a lot in this short amount of time, I'm able to play simple songs I like, and my bar chords are starting to sound alright lol. I then tried to make a song, believing I could do it with just my writing skills and the bare minimum guitar knowledge and skill I had. I came up with my message and theme, wrote lyrics, but now I'm stuck because I can't come up with the music aspect.
Again, I don't have that much knowledge about music theory and all that technical stuff. Then I realized that in the current state of the Filipino Music Industry, playing a cute guitar solo will get me nowhere. With all these artists, bands, and musical geniuses in my country, how am I supposed to compete? I want to make music like them, but I'm not like them. I want to be like them, but I don't know how.
I may not know what to do, but I'm not giving up on this newfound dream of mine. That's the whole reason why I'm taking a chance by asking for help here.
Maybe you could suggest where I should go from here? I really want to do this. Now that I'm nearing 18yo, I think that I should be at this point where I start working towards my own goals, aspirations, and dreams, for myself and by myself. To those who read the whole thing and might be kind enough to reply with some advice, thank you so much in advance, from the bottom of my heart.

I'm 17, male, from the Philippines. Growing up I was never a music geek, I like singing songs I like on karaoke for fun but my voice is mediocre at best. I took guitar lessons back in 4th Grade, when I was about 9 years old, but I never took it seriously and continued it because I was just a kid who was busy playing video games all the time.
And here I am now proclaiming I want to do music.
Its a bit of a rash and not-so rash decision. One thing I'm passionate about and I believe I'm decently good at is poetry. Its not your typical rhyming, syllable counting pieces, I write more of monologues, based on and inspired by my life, the life of others, and other sources. I take inspiration from film, media, and even music to invoke emotion and share a story and message. But I always felt like it was a waste of my talent and potential, I would write these long poems in my free time and just upload it in my private social media accounts for my few friends to read.
Why am I saying all this? Well, it's because, for once in my life, I feel like I actually know what I want to do and who I wanna be. I want to share my message to the world by putting it out there through music. I've always loved music but I never really considered it ad a career until recently. I listen to a lot of music, while studying, working out at the gym, or just in my down time. I listen to all these amazing artists and admire their poet-like skills and abilities.
Recently, I picked up my old guitar and for the past few weeks, I've been practicing non-stop. I've improved a lot in this short amount of time, I'm able to play simple songs I like, and my bar chords are starting to sound alright lol. I then tried to make a song, believing I could do it with just my writing skills and the bare minimum guitar knowledge and skill I had. I came up with my message and theme, wrote lyrics, but now I'm stuck because I can't come up with the music aspect.
Again, I don't have that much knowledge about music theory and all that technical stuff. Then I realized that in the current state of the Filipino Music Industry, playing a cute guitar solo will get me nowhere. With all these artists, bands, and musical geniuses in my country, how am I supposed to compete? I want to make music like them, but I'm not like them. I want to be like them, but I don't know how.
I may not know what to do, but I'm not giving up on this newfound dream of mine. That's the whole reason why I'm taking a chance by asking for help here.
Maybe you could suggest where I should go from here? I really want to do this. Now that I'm nearing 18yo, I think that I should be at this point where I start working towards my own goals, aspirations, and dreams, for myself and by myself. To those who read the whole thing and might be kind enough to reply with some advice, thank you so much in advance, from the bottom of my heart.

Grace's 5 year old daughter, Hannah, is having a birthday party, and Grace is trying to write some invitations, but she has to do it based on the slightly confusing information her daughter has given her (Plus a little help from Hannah's teacher, Mrs Carter). Good luck!
Guest 1: This girl has the name of a flower (Presumably a common one, since Hannah knows it's a flower), and her surname starts with L. She has red curly hair.
Guest 2: Hannah wants to invite this boy because he gives her his toys sometimes, but the only clue she gives for his name is Paw Patrol. Grace can only assume he shares his name with a character from the show. Mrs Carter isn't sure which kid Hannah is talking about, but says that all three of the boys she's seen Hannah playing with recently have surnames starting with M.
Guest 3: This girl apparently has a 'princess' name, which, considering her age, could mean anything from being the name of a real princess, or just sounding like a name a princess might have. She also has two middle names and apparently uses them a lot, as Hannah insists they should both appear on the invitation.
Guests 4 and 5: Hannah says there are two boys she wants to invite who have the same name, but Mrs Carter says none of the boys have the same name. She does suggest that a pair of boys have names that rhyme, which might be where the confusion comes from. They both have surnames starting with M.
Guests 6, 7, and 8: Hannah wants to invite the kid in her class with the 'Disney name', as well as their two older siblings. Mrs Carter says there are two families in the school who fit the criteria- one of which is three boys (Surname starting with T), and the other is two girls and an older boy (Surname starting with B). Hannah seems a little confused about the gender of her friend, so Grace can only assume they have a fairly gender neutral name.
Guests 9, 10, and 11: Hannah wants to invite three girls with 'the same name', although Mrs Carter says they are all spelled differently, with surnames beginning with M, K, and S respectively. She calls them all by different nicknames, which might be helpful if the nicknames had anything to do with their actual names.
Guest 12: Finally, the guest of honour is Hannah's 'Bestest friend in the whole wide world'. She's definitely come around for play dates on several occasions, but Grace is completely blanking on what her name is. She knows it isn't spelt anything like it's pronounced, and definitely recalls raising an eyebrow when she first heard it. The family is from Europe though, which is obvious in their surname.

First_Previous_
Royal Road_wiki
I´m reviewing a bunch of the earliest chapters, and reworking them to make them easier to read and understand. No story edit will be done!
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The next morning, as promised, Orth accompanied Mor on his run for a while, which started many conflicting rumors, ranging from Orth just wanting to understand commoners to Mor having put an illusion on Orth to control the nobility.
Still, as Orth was just starting out, he couldn't keep up with Mor for long. Instead, wanting to lie down a bit before breakfast. Mor sent him off with a wave and a reminder to use only pain-reducing healing magic.
Orth slogged back to his room to lie down and take a nap. He was spent. This running thing was more exhausting than he believed, but he also didn't want to lose to Mor. Of course, before he could envelop himself in the soft mattress and fluffy pillow, someone got in his way.
"And what do you think you are doing?" Asked the obstacle, and Orth sighed.
"Going to bed, Saphine. I had an exhausting early morning and want to get a nap in before breakfast." Orth said coldly.
"No! You will explain yourself to me! I heard the rumors that you took up running because the commoner forced you into it, but I don't think that's what happened. I know you just feel bad for the commoner because he is not as privileged as we are, but you don't need to do this. It's just a commoner." Saphine huffed.
Orth let out a deep sigh. He was too tired for this shit. "Don't talk about him like that. He is my friend. Also, I'm doing this because I want to. Now get out of my way before I get angry with you."
Saphine flinched back as if he had struck her. "I'm your friend too! I have known you much longer than this muscleheaded commoner! And it seems you need me to protect you from your own stupidity!"
"If you are my friend, then you should support my decisions and not try to patronize me. Also, even if I explained my reasoning to you, you wouldn't understand", Orth growled.
"How could I if you don't explain?" Shouted Saphine.
"I need to be better if I want to achieve anything with my life. I can't just lay back and get handed everything like my brother... I'm the third, the spare. No one expects anything from me, but it's also frustrating because nothing I do means anything to my family. So, I only have two options if I want to change anything. Option one, become the next head of the Obsidians and dethrone my brother for it, or option two, gather enough power and influence to do it without that." Orth grumbled.
Saphine looked shocked at this declaration. She had never known such thoughts would go on in Orth's head. She slowly reached out to him to give him a friendly touch, but Orth shook her off and stomped to his room.
Leaving her feeling like an ass.
After Orth's less-than-satisfying nap and a short freshen-up, he at least felt a bit better. The brief interaction with Saphine went through his mind again, and he had to blame his exhaustion for being that mean to her, but on the other hand, it helped him express himself the first time.
"So it's a double-edged sword." He thought to himself while leaving with a grumbling stomach to get breakfast.
In the mess hall, he linked up with Mor, who had just come back from freshening up himself, an already waiting Clare, and, to his big surprise, Saphine.
Clare waved both boys over. "Mor, you need to help me choose my breakfast!" she said excitedly, and Mor tilted his head questioningly.
"Why? I explained it to you yesterday," he asked.
"Indeed, you did, but I might as well get your advice if you are here already." Said Clare, with Mor just shrugging and then nodding in agreement.
"Why are you here?" Orth asked the silent Saphine, and Clare interceeded.
"I invited her. She also wanted to know the secret and just missed it yesterday." She answered Orth's question.
Saphine laid a hand on Clare's shoulder. "It's fine, Clare. I'm really here to apologize to you. I wasn't behaving like a friend earlier, and you showed me I need to do better myself. So I thought if you and Clare are friends with the com..." She let out a bashful cough. "... with Mor Agaton, I should accept that and try to at least get along with him."
Orth's slowly rising temper softened substantially. "Thank you for that. I'm also sorry for snapping at you like that. It just came out."
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Saphine asked.
"I don't know, maybe I just didn't want to look weak, spiteful, or thankless even with all the privileges shoved down my ass," Orth said with a light chuckle, and Saphine smiled at that.
"Well, next time, just tell me. I won't think less of you for having feelings. Were childhood friends aren't we?" Saphine said, and Orth agreed.
°What do you think happened?° Mor asked the human.
°Don't know, but it's something between them, so there's no sense in prying into it. It seems they cleared it anyway,° said the human.
°True enough.° Agreed Mor.
"I would be happy to get along with you, Lady Sapphire," Mor said honestly, getting an uncomfortable smile from the girl, extending in an awkward silence.
Luckily, with perfect timing, Orth's stomach grumbled, demanding food and Orth's surprised expression got the other three to laugh out loud.
"I think Orth is right." Wheezed Mor. "Time for breakfast!"
"Can you help me choose to?" Asked Sapphine surprisingly.
"Sure, but why?" Mor asked back.
"If Clare wants to do this, I want to do it with her. Like Orth joined up with you." Saphine said, a bit mumbling.
Mor looked at Clare, who just gave him an innocent smile.
"I told her about it, but we won't tattle any further. This is our group's little secret," she whispered, and Mor sighed.
"Please, do that." He said. "It might have dire consequences if this gets out like that. First, we must produce real results and then spread it to the other soul-kin."
"But why do we need to be that careful?" Clare asked. "Isn't this something good?"
Orth thought for a heartbeat and answered in place of Mor.
"Yes, we need to be. Because we are disproving a known fact: "It is impossible to change your body". But we are doing exactly that. Now, think about the implications. Which rules are also false? Are the nobles really the only ones fit to rule? It could end in a war among soul-kin, and with the world being in turmoil, with what happened to the stone kin, we can't let that happen." explained the boy.
"Yes, Orth understands. We are changing something like a natural law. This will not be a silent thing", Mor whispered, and Clare looked uncomfortable at Saphine.
"Don't worry, Clare, I will keep silent. I know when to use "politics"." Saphine calmed her friend.
With the ground rules now firmly in place, Mor helped his friends choose a more balanced and "healthy" breakfast. The one most surprised was Orth, as Mor explained what he needed for this strength and muscles to grow and, most of that, the amount he was expected to eat.
It then finally dawned on Orth that this would be something unheard of, more so as he compared his portion to the girls, who just took what they liked, and Mor adding a few "fattier" bits and bobs to their plates to make it more balanced. With the help of the human, of course.
After everyone had finished their breakfast, Orth felt somehow very satisfied. He had eaten the first time for another reason than not dying. He could almost feel the "energy" Mor had described flow into his arms and legs, which was, of course, only his imagination.
He now just wished he could take another nap as a bit of tiredness set into his mind, but he was not at all uncomfortable.
Then, after they finished the lessons for the day, Orth retreated to his room for the much-anticipated nap while the girls told Mor they were somehow fitter than most days and just went off to do whatever.
Mor went to the training room, meeting with an already waiting Snow, almost evading the incoming embrace but getting caught anyway. After this familiar greeting, they sat down again, and Snow waited for Mor to start with his questions.
°We need two things. First, we need to know where we can get those crystals from and if she can spare us some. Second, I want you to try shooting her bow. This will probably enhance our "throw stone" spell.° The human instructed Mor, and he went to ask Snow.
"My first question would be, where can I get those crystals you are using?" He asked Snow.
"That's easy. We call them crystals because of how they look, but they are "grown" in and on the body of the monstrosities. So just kill one, and you get more than enough for anything you have in mind. We trade those for the metals of the stone kin." She explained, and Mor groaned.
"So they are not stones?" He wanted to clarify, so Snow shook her head.
"No, they are some kind of bone?" She told him.
°Fuck! Why is never anything easy with your stupid world!° The human complained.
°Maybe we can still do something with it?° Mor put forward.
°Yeah, no harm in having them on hand.° The human said, dejectedly.
"Then my second question would be, can you spare some more of those "crystals" for me?" Mor asked Snow, who just nodded.
"I think I can spare some, but not more than two dozen," Snow answered truthfully.
"Thank you. I appreciate each." Mor said, and Snow gathered a bunch from her sack.
She handed them over to a thankful Mor.
"And I have a last request." Mor started. "May I try out your weapons?" He asked.
"No!" Snow instantly shut him down. "The weapons of an ice-kin are their lives. We build them, and we maintain them. They never leave our side." She almost seemed offended at the request.
°Then ask her, if she would demonstrate how she uses them.° The human offered, Mor forewarding the compromise and Snow nodding at that.
"Yes, this is acceptable." She said.
With this, Snow demonstrated her weapons, especially the power of her war-bow, to a very attentive Mor. The human told Mor to imagine the arrowhead as a stone. Mor then tried to replicate the speed and power of the arrowhead, with his stones mirroring every shot Snow unleashed.
He slowly grasped the power and impact this weapon could produce, and the energy requirement for his spell reflected this. It didn't push his "signature spell" entirely to group-class, but just barely.
Still, their time came to an end. The send-off was a small and somber affair. Mor, Orth, Clare, Saphine, and the headmaster were the only ones to say goodbye. But in truth, the headmaster was only there because it was required of him, and Saphine only tagged along with everyone else.
The only one truly invested in Snow's departure was Mor. To Snow's surprise, he sent her off with an ice-kin embrace, which she happily reciprocated.
Mor was earnestly sad to see the woman go. He saw her as a kind of funny aunt, someone you could confide in, but at the same time, she would support you. Even though they only had a bit of over a week together.
In the end, Mor promised Snow he would visit after he was finished with the academy. At that she confided in him that it would be the perfect timing for her daughter's coming-of-age ceremony.
Finally, after everything was said, the soul-kin teacher standing by to provide transport helped Snow return to her people. And just like that, like a late winter breeze, Snow was gone.

It started out with me running in a storm trying to reach a little townhouse for safety. Then the old classic phenomenon occurs when you’re trying to run in a dream and it feels like ur treading water. I see lightning bolts get closer and closer when I finally reach the bottom of the steps and grab onto the handrail and boom⚡️I get struck. I was definitely fucked up but still alive so I push thru up the stairs and we get inside of the house. Inside it’s dark and wooden and I see all my family members. (Now I’ve been watching that new show on Netflix called sweet tooth so this house had an eery apocalyptic kinda vibe to it). Then Blah blah blah, one thing led to another and I die☠️. Usually when does happens, I just wake up and go about my day. But the dream was not over. I was sort of shot in another moment of time with a completely different scenario and identity with all the same people, only they had no recollection of my death. The funny thing is that the last person I saw when I died and the first thing I saw when I reincarnated was my father. He looked the same as well, but when I looked down at my feet, I knew something was different. I ran to the mirror and low and behold, I don’t recognize myself. I look like this jacked lesbian no kidding😅. Admiring my chiseled abs then started doing a gun show all in this bathroom mirror LMAO. I also had this bandage around my breasts, like a chest binder. That was my only indication that I was a lesbian until for some reason, I like came out to my dad. His reaction was standard, but this moment was honestly just like a side quest because the entire time I was having crazy revelations. I had all my past memories And it seems like I was the only one who knew that. So I was lucid enough to tell myself that I had reincarnated, but it’s almost like I wasn’t supposed to know that. I kept wondering why this happened to me but also so grateful of how good my life turned out thanks to all the choices I made in my past life, ya know like karma. But somehow, since I was the only one that was aware of this, it leads me to another revelation I had. Everyone kept calling me, Goddard like that was my legal fucking name.. I’m like Goddard? like that preschool? (I’m a toddler teacher irl so, checks out lol). I realize that Goddard shortened to GOD and I was like holy shit am I god? As I was thinking this time jumped, to me sitting in a canoe in blue ass water, other people/family members were there and I mean, I guess we are God in our own way. We are all one.. after this, I finally woke up and realized I had slept for 12 hours. It’s a new moon so I don’t know if that has anything to do with it but yeah , just let me know what you guys think of this. I know it’s really long. Any interpretations would be greatly appreciated. Thanks y’all 🙏🩵

What does it mean to be Christian?
The word is now a bad stereotype.
People are claiming it but not acting the part.
Hold on, I’m not trying to gripe…
Let me break it down for everyone.
The meaning of “Christian” is as simple as this:
a person who, with their life,
typifies the teachings of Christ. There it is.
And what did Christ teach?
Holy Spirit’s speaking as I’m writing this, document in hand:
Matthew, chapter 15, verse 10. It’s quoting Jesus:
“He summoned the multitude, and said to them, ‘Hear, and understand.’”
Verse 11 says, “That which enters into the mouth
doesn’t defile the man;
but that which proceeds out of the mouth,
this defiles the man.”
Words can damage, but they can also heal.
Now Holy Spirit’s saying, Ephesians 4:12
(seriously, while I’m still writing,
and rhyming ‘cause I can't help myself),
and referring to those appointed with grace,
the Bible explains the purpose of the gifts of Christ:
“for the perfecting of the saints, to the work of serving,
to the building up of the body of Christ,”
which means we’re meant to improve ourselves,
serve others selflessly, and unite.
Friends, what it means to be Christian
is to fully live and love like Christ.
We are not perfect—only God is—
and we have no right to judge.
We are here to take care of one another.
Simply put, we’re made to love.
© 2024 Michelle the Poet
From my third book, A Collection of Poems About the Poet.
Bible quotes were taken from the World English Bible USA Version.

Now I decided to write a poem about The Beatles.
Their songs, their fashion, they be interesting people.
They started out basic, in 63.
Yet those tunes still sound good to you and me.
Abbey Road was their last and their best.
They did split up, Paul got all depressed.
Thats until he found his Wings again.
And he hired a temporary secretary, every now and then!
John did some albums too,and Ringo and George.
Though Beatles would of course release no more.
Now this is the end of my rhymes of fab 4.
I tried to get this published, but man they showed me the door. 🚪 🏃‍♂️

Inside my mind as a growing 8 year old…
I’m an adult now but these are ramblings from my journal. Someone special once told me, when we were talking about art, that once you share it with the world it’s no longer yours to have. I’ve never considered myself an artist, but I thought, maybe if I share my story, it’ll no longer be mine. It’ll no longer be one of the most deepest darkest secrets I hold, the art inside my mind. My intention with sharing this is to let it go, send it out to the universe. Releasing myself of the shackles, this ball and chain. This is written without edit, it’s just raw so don’t mind my grammar or sentence structure. I didn’t think, I just wrote. It was written from the depths of my soul, it was my inner child. The eight year old little pink starburst in me came out of the woodworks to write this little novel. I call it a novel because to me it’s just a story of a time, an experience I am ready to let go of. I didn’t fuck up, it was never me. I’m still working through it so it may end abruptly. Without making any sense at all. I took a dive into my mind. The mind of an 8year old child who deals with sexual assault and a growing body.
I’m scared because I developed as a young woman very early. It didn’t take the world long to show me that people are weird and sick. It wasn’t safe. I was so little I didn’t understand it I was confused. I thought and I thought, what did I do? I obsessed and overthank every step I took. I coundnt figure it out. I was 8 when I started my period and I realized I had no control. No matter what this was my life. I was growing in areas that I think I was too young to understand and comprehend. It finally hit me I realized I just had to accept that this was my life. I am weird, people poke me and they stare, they laugh and stare and make weird faces. I was a freak of nature, I felt like I was at a circus and I was the entertainment. The strange creature they came to see. While the feeling was strange it was more of a mind fuck to see peoples eyes. They say eyes are windows to the soul, and so many of them were not good souls. It’s strange how at 8 I didn’t really know what sex or anything was. But I could say I had my own 8 year old interpretation of what that was. But it was different, it wasn’t what I thought it was. I don’t think I ever thought much of it other than people like each other and they do sweaty things with not a lot of clothes on sometimes, but we really can’t see it cuz they always made us close our eyes with movies. Anyways, as I grew and developed, mostly from my breast. I felt like there was something wrong with me. Why did anyone else get poked and pointed at. Why did it have to be me. I honestly thought holy shit I’m definitely ugly. But I never fully understood why I loved myself deep down. But maybe I shouldn’t, judging by everyone’s reactions. I started to doubt myself. Well shit, what do I not see. Suddenly I was different. Like something people couldn’t believe. People looked at me differently. I had no confidence I just wanted to be invisible. People talk to me differently. Suddenly men looked my way, constantly, I hated it, I felt like their eyes burned my body with their vision. Old ugly grown men. Whose souls stared into my eyes and something told me they were evil, creepy, uncomfortable, the feeling you get when someone is devious. Crafty comments were made that, although they never made sense as 8 year old. I knew they couldn’t be right. Are people really like this. Men stare with a weird fucking drool. Women look at you angry like they are mad you have boobs. There’s no fucking winning. surely, the world couldn’t be so evil. Why do people say weird things, make weird jokes and everyone laughs when people look at my body. Shit that’s right, it’s cuz I’m weird, a freak of nature. And why does everyone want to touch me. I didn’t like this kind of attention. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and lay on the floor and die. But I didn’t really want to die I just wanted to be invisible. I wanted to be reborn, looking pretty. Like some of my friends so I wouldn’t be looked at like this anymore. I’d be normal and blend in. People wouldn’t stare or poke and I would feel happy again. I never stopped thinking, I fucked up as my dad would say. This was much later as a teenager but I said to myself first. I decided that I fucked up. I was born. Looking like this. Why couldn’t I just be normal like all my friends. Why did I have to be the freak. The kid that had a free pass to wonder whenever I wanted to from the classroom to the bathroom. Kids were annoyed and called me teachers pet. They told me I used to breathe weird. And hard. Some kids defended me. Then I was like shit I do that weird too. I don’t even hear myself. My nose doesn’t fucking work. That’s fucked too. These kids didn’t know how fucked it was. I was not the favorite, I was bleeding to death, or so I thought. Might as well be. It was fucked. I was exhausted trying to figure out what I did wrong. I overanalyzed everything, again, constantly replaying my steps. Ensuring I didn’t fuck up. I couldn’t figure it out. My dad always said people shouldn’t touch you. Here or here. Pointing you know where. But people did, a lot and it sucked. Most people made a poke and just laughed with a joke. What is wrong with me, if that is supposed to be funny why do I feel so uncomfortable and hurt. Truly I must be wrong again and I’m so weird I just don’t get it. But it was wrong, and I knew deep down it was wrong and that’s why it never sat well with me. There was nothing wrong with me. It was them. They were the freaks. The crazies the sickos. I was sick to my stomach, embarrassed, I believed I was the sicko. People couldn’t know who I was or they would reject me. Again, I’d be even more of a freak. It was wrong, my dad said never let anyone touch me and everybody did. It was my fault, I fucked up. He said it was bad for people to touch you. God I was embarrassed. And my parents had no idea, they told me they loved me and that I was the good one. I was easy, they could just leave me there and I did nothing as a baby. So maybe they haven’t discovered that I was a freak. My mom was mean and cranky a lot. I tried not to make her mad but I know I did. Somehow she still loved me sometimes. So I was good. Atleast I still had my family. They knew I wasn’t weird. Others, I think could see it cuz they told me I had a bird nose. It was starting to show, the freak in me was coming out. But for the most part I was safe. My parents said I was the good kid. My sisters called me golden. Gold was beautiful. It was shiny and everybody wants gold, no one would reject or laugh at gold. But it was weird. People only acted weirder. I lost faith in the good of this world. I lost faith in my own judgement when my grandpa touched my boobs. He laughed. I froze, I even said huh out loud. He could tell I was scared, he could tell it was wrong, he smiled. I felt disgusted and dirty. I FUCKED UP what the fuck!! What was wrong with me. Why is this funny to him. Why am I a fucking joke. I felt worthless. I was sad. I lost my happiness. The world wasn’t fun or nice anymore. Every day dragged like nails on a chalk board. The ultimate fuck up. Damaged goods. I was only 8. I had to live until 100? Like this. I was so sad. I felt disgusted I couldn’t even touch my own body that’s how gross it made me feel. I couldn’t get it off me. I couldn’t scrub the feelings away. I was broken. My spirit was crushed. But nobody knew. My secret was safe. My family still thought I was golden. So I calculated every step. To make sure they still liked me. I know some stuff I did was still making them mad. But I was a kid, I’m growing. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on. It was all so confusing. I was locked in a cage of my own body. Nothing I could do was safe. It was so scary. Internally There was a chaos around me even tho I was surrounded externally by butterflies. Maybe I was like the hungry caterpillar, he was kind of a freak and he became beautiful. But I couldn’t be because I have a secret. I was damaged goods and I’m the only one who knew it. I was numb. 24/7 in solitary confinement. I had a secret, I had to be happy so people wouldn’t know. So I joked around a lot. Partially it was still my spirit, but I was afraid of myself. Afraid of what else I might do to further curse me in this prison. Words hurt. They matter, it doesn’t matter what I physically see in my mirror. I can’t trust my judgement. I see one thing. People clearly see another, I can’t be the only one that doesn’t see it. I’m wrong, they are right. I’m hideous and horrendous. Once again, confirmed.
This is when I decided to be controlling, if I control the shit around me, I can’t get hurt. If I control my feelings and don’t let myself get close to people I can’t get hurt. If I don’t let anyone touch me and give people standoffish energy I can’t get hurt. I’ll be a statue freak in the inside and the times I’m not doing that I’ll be goofy. That was the plan. I thought if I do it right no one will discover me.
TLDR: I finally was able to put into words my feelings and thoughts from being SA. I’m putting it out there so I can let go of it. Today is the day I finally tell my dad. Which I’m scared about, but ready to move on from. So I told the world first.

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Welcome back to the Reformed UPG of the Week! This week, Joshua Project seems to be having a DNS error (or attack?) so I am going to again re-do an older post that I did a few years ago and also pull some info from PeopleGroups.org. Meet the Tay of Vietnam!

Region: North Vietnam

low quality map bc JP wont load
Stratus Index Ranking (Urgency): 66
It has been noted to me by u/JCmathetes that I should explain this ranking. Low numbers are more urgent, both physically and spiritually together, while high numbers are less urgent. The scale is 1-177, with one number assigned to each country. So basically on a scale from Afghanistan (1) to Finland (177), how urgent are the peoples physical and spiritual needs.

The Stratus Index - Synthesizes reliable data from different sources to clearly display the world’s most urgent spiritual and physical needs.
The vast majority of missions resources go to people and places already Reached by the Gospel, while only 3% of missionaries and 1% of missions money are deployed among the Unreached. This is the Great Imbalance. As a result, there are more people without access to the Gospel today than a decade ago. Stratus seeks to equip the global church with fresh vision to accomplish the Great Commission by addressing some of the factors that perpetuate the Great Imbalance. We hope this tool allows the church to better understand what steps will be required to overcome the barriers that prevent needs from being met, spurring informed and collaborative missions strategy. Stratus Website

Hanoi
Quay Son River
Climate: Due to differences in latitude and the marked variety in topographical relief, Vietnam's climate tends to vary considerably for each region. During the winter or dry season, extending roughly from November to April, the monsoon winds usually blow from the northeast along the Chinese coast and across the Gulf of Tonkin, picking up considerable moisture. The average annual temperature is generally higher in the plains than in the mountains, especially in southern Vietnam compared to the north. Temperatures vary less in the southern plains around Ho Chi Minh City and the Mekong Delta, ranging from between 21 and 35 °C (70 and 95 °F) over the year. In Hanoi and the surrounding areas of the Red River Delta, the temperatures are much lower between 15 and 33 °C (59 and 91 °F). Seasonal variations in the mountains, plateaus, and the northernmost areas are much more dramatic, with temperatures varying from 3 °C (37 °F) in December and January to 37 °C (99 °F) in July and August. During winter, snow occasionally falls over the highest peaks of the far northern mountains near the Chinese border. Vietnam receives high rates of precipitation in the form of rainfall with an average amount from 1,500 to 2,000 mm (60 to 80 in) during the monsoon seasons; this often causes flooding, especially in the cities with poor drainage systems. The country is also affected by tropical depressions, tropical storms and typhoons.
Rice Terraces in Vietnam
Terrain: Vietnam's northern terrain is mostly mountainous or hilly, with some highland areas covered by a thick green blanket of jungle (about half the total land area). The Red River Delta and coastal plains in the lowland part of the North are heavily populated and intensively cultivated (almost entirely by rice fields).
The joined Delta of Hong River (Red River) and Thái Bình River is a flat, triangular region of 15,000 square kilometers. The Hong River Delta is smaller but more intensely developed and more densely populated than the Mekong Delta. Once an inlet of the Gulf of Tonkin, it has been filled in by the enormous alluvial deposits of the rivers over a period of millennia, and it advances one hundred meters into the Gulf annually.The ancestral home of the ethnic Vietnamese, the delta accounted for almost 70% of the agriculture and 80% of the industry of North Vietnam before 1975.
The Red River, rising in China's Yunnan Province, is about 1,200 kilometers long. Its two main tributaries, the Sông Lô (also called the Lo River, the Riviere Claire, or the Clear River) and the Sông Đà (also called the Black River or Riviere Noire), contribute to its high water volume, which averages 4,300 cubic meters per second.
The entire delta region, backed by the steep rises of the forested highlands, is no more than three meters above sea level, and much of it is one meter or less. The area is subject to frequent flooding; at some places the high-water mark of floods is fourteen meters above the surrounding countryside. For centuries flood control has been an integral part of the delta's culture and economy. An extensive system of dikes and canals has been built to contain the Red River and to irrigate the rich rice-growing delta. Modeled on that of China's, this ancient system has sustained a highly concentrated population and has made double-cropping wet-rice cultivation possible throughout about half the region.
The central mountains, which have several high plateaus, are irregular in elevation and form. The northern section is narrow and very rugged; the country's highest peak, Fan Si Pan, rises to 3,142 meters in the extreme northwest. The southern portion has numerous spurs that divide the narrow coastal strip into a series of compartments. For centuries these topographical features not only rendered north–south communication difficult but also formed an effective natural barrier for the containment of the people living in the Mekong basin.
The Mekong Delta, covering about 40,000 square kilometers, is a low-level plain not more than three meters above sea level at any point and criss-crossed by a maze of canals and rivers. So much sediment is carried by the Mekong's various branches and tributaries that the delta advances sixty to eighty meters into the sea every year. An official Vietnamese source estimates the amount of sediment deposited annually to be about 1 billion cubic meters, or nearly thirteen times the amount deposited by the Red River. About 10,000 square kilometers of the delta are under rice cultivation, making the area one of the major rice-growing regions of the world. The southern tip, known as the Cà Mau Peninsula is covered by dense jungle and mangrove swamps.
Ha Long Bay
Wildlife of Vietnam: Faunal species noted are accounted as 11,217 species of animals, in Vietnam's hot and humid climate. These are broadly: Indian elephants, bears (black bear and honey bear), Indochinese tigers and Indochinese leopards as well as smaller animals like pygmy lorises, monkeys (such as snub-nosed monkey), bats, flying squirrels, turtles and otters. Reptiles such as crocodiles, snakes and lizards are also reported. Specifically the faunal species which are endemic to Vietnam are the following. While many variety of animals have become extinct like the Northern Sumatran rhinoceros, the protection of large animals have been addressed. The Vietnamese Javan rhinoceros used to live throughout the region of Vietnam but was declared extinct in 2010 when the last remaining individual was found dead with the horn removed.
Unfortunately, they have monkeys.
Wild elephant in Vietnam
Environmental Issues: The main overall issue that Vietnam is currently dealing with surrounds environmental pollution. This includes a lack of clean water supply, waste water, air pollution, and solid waste. Not only do these issues effect Vietnam, but also its population, urbanization, and surrounding countries.
Languages: Vietnamese is the national language. Also in Vietnam, French, Tày, Cham, Khmer, Chinese, Nùng, and Hmong. The Tay speak Tay.
Government Type: Unitary Marxist–Leninist one-party socialist republic

People: Tay in Vietnam

Tay women
Population: 1,835,000
Estimated Foreign Workers Needed: [Joshua Project is down]
Beliefs: The Tay are 1% Christian. That means out of their population of 1,835,000, there are roughly 18,000 believers. Thats about 1 believer for every 100 unbeliever.
The Tay worship a multitude of gods. Ancestor worship (praying to deceased ancestors for protection and guidance) is commonly practiced. The Tay are also animistic (believe that non-living objects have spirits).
Traditionally, most Tay villages had temples where they worshipped a multitude of gods associated with earth, water, fire, and important ancestors. Many other spirits and ghosts were also worshipped. The major ceremony of the year was held at the beginning of the farming season, when the various deities were asked permission to prepare the farm and plant the seeds. Folk literature and art were also of importance in religious life.Traditionally, most Tay villages had temples where they worshipped a multitude of gods associated with earth, water, fire, and important ancestors. Many other spirits and ghosts were also worshipped. The major ceremony of the year was held at the beginning of the farming season, when the various deities were asked permission to prepare the farm and plant the seeds. Folk literature and art were also of importance in religious life.
The Tay worship a multitude of gods. Ancestor worship (praying to deceased ancestors for protection and guidance) is commonly practiced. The Tay are also animistic (believe that non-living objects have spirits) The Tay have a strong belief in supernatural. Worshiping their ancestors is the most invaluable ritual of the Tay. The altars for the ancestors are placed in a central location in the house. The altar room is such a sacred place that guests is not allowed to sit on the bed in front of the altar.
Their polytheistic belief system consists of worshiping spirits, ancestors, and midwives. Astrology is also an important part of their belief system. For instance, for marriages and building new houses they consult astrology. The cult of the midwife is especially worshiped. After the wedding, the wife stays with her parents during her pregnancy to avoid evil spirits. When a child is born, there’s the one-month ritual for honoring the midwife.
Tay people praying before an altar
History: The Tày were originally known as the Thổ people. Thổ is derived from Chinese tǔ (土), which means 'land' and 'local'. Although not inherently a pejorative it was often used as such in practice (cf. "bumpkin") in both Vietnam and China. Under the Socialist Republic of Vietnam, Thổ was deemed a pejorative and substituted with Tày
The Tày are closely related to the Nùng people and Zhuang people, who they are culturally and linguistically almost "indistinguishable from". (pulled this from Wikipedia. this sounds racist and probably not entirely true)
Although they are considered an indigenous group, portions of their population likely originated in China during the 11th and 12th centuries. However unlike the Nùng, they were more heavily Vietnamized due to their closer proximity to the Kinh and shared similar cultural practices with the Vietnamese such as lacquering their teeth black. By 1900 around 30% of their language was made of Vietnamese loan words.
Tày customs were altered greatly due to Vietnamese and Confucian patriarchal structures, however some customs persisted. Polygamy with multiple equal wives and legitimacy of issue was practiced. Marriage was preferred to occur within the clan. Young wives lived with their parents until giving birth to their first child. Tày women, like those of the Nùng and Zhuang, were said to have used poison to seek revenge when wronged.
At the end of the 1700s when Vietnam was in chaos, several ethnic groups united with the native groups of Thai speaking peoples. These people became known as the Tho. Today, they are regarded as an official minority in Vietnam. They prefer to be known as "Tay," since the term "Tho" is now considered derogatory.
Tay village (i think)
Culture: Typical qualification that all people groups can't be summed up in small paragraphs and this is an over generalization.
The Tay are farmers who have a long tradition or wet rice cultivation. They have a long history of intensive cultivation and irrigation methods like digging canals, laying water pipes, etc. They also maintain the custom of harvesting the rice and thrashing the grains out on wooden racks, which they call loong, while still in the fields, then carrying the threshed rice home in baskets. In addition to cultivating wet fields,the Tay also plant rice on terraced fields along with the other crops and fruit trees. Cattle and poultry raising are well-developed, but a free range style of animal husbandry is still popular. Household crafts are worthy of note. The most famous Tay craft is weaving brocaded designs of beautiful and original patterns which are highly prized. The market is also an important economic activity.
The Tay have developed a rich culture of poems, songs, epics, tales, funny stories, and dance. Popular folk songs of the Tay are call-and-response singing, lullaby, Then, and wedding and funeral singing. Then is sung at events such as worshiping at the ancestral altar, praying for sick people, praying for a couple to have children, at family get-togethers, to welcome guests, and at a “going to the field” festival held in the first month of the new year. Then is an indispensable part of the spiritual and religious life of the Tay.The Tay have developed a rich culture of poems, songs, epics, tales, funny stories, and dance. Popular folk songs of the Tay are call-and-response singing, lullaby, Then, and wedding and funeral singing. Then is sung at events such as worshiping at the ancestral altar, praying for sick people, praying for a couple to have children, at family get-togethers, to welcome guests, and at a “going to the field” festival held in the first month of the new year. Then is an indispensable part of the spiritual and religious life of the Tay.
The Tay’s Quang regime is a form of social organization which resembles a feudal system that is aristocratic and hereditary. Within its rule region, the Quang owns all lands, forests, rivers, etc. Hence, it has the right to control everyone who lives on that land and to exploit these people through forced labor, imposing duties on commodities, and enforcing the payment of tributes and offerings. The Quang regime appeared very early and persisted until the end of the 19th century or the beginning of the 20th century. Tay families are usually small and the line of descent is traced through the father. Children begin school at six years of age and older. There, they begin studying the Vietnamese language. Young people choose their own marriage partners, and after a betrothal ceremony, many marriage rituals are performed. The groom is expected to perform some work for the bride's family as payment
The traditional dress is made from indigo dyed cotton. It is usually plain, with little embroidery or other decoration. The women wear a simple shirt with silver buttons down the front teamed with black trousers. Both sexes wear colorful head scarves. Nowadays the Tay are often seen wearing Viet and western clothes.
The Tay are mostly peasants who live in the low, sloping mountains between the high mountains and the plains of southeast Asia. They grow wet rice and use slash and burn techniques to grow dry rice, maize, buckwheat, watercress, sugar cane, and other vegetables. They grow hemp and use it for making bags and nets for fishing. They sell or exchange products for household items and use forest products for food.
The Tay have settled in valleys in the Northeastern part of the country: Quang Ninh, Bac Giang, Lang Son, Cao Bang, Bac Can, Thai Nguyen, Ha Giang, Tuyen Quang, Lao Cai, Yen Bai. Their villages are characteristically large and crowded, and there are villages with hundreds of houses. The Tay traditional house is built on stilts with a frame of rafters and 4, 5, 6, or 7 rows of columns. A house has from 2 to 4 roofs made from tiles, straw, or palm leaves. Wood or bamboo is used to make the walls. The Tay always build at the foot of a mountain. They call the name of the villages after a mountain, field, or river where they live. Each village has about 15-20 households, some big villages can contain hundreds of roofs. The Tay mainly live in houses built on the ground. These houses are private property, as are their accompanying gardens. However, there are still some Tay who live in houses built on stilts. The architecture of these homes is simple, without the fancy gables and decorative work commonly seen on other houses. Today, nearly all the Tay are part of a collectivized agricultural program in the form of community (collective) farms. Farm land is seen as community property that people are free to use, but not own.
Villages used to be the center of economic activity, with local markets rotating among a series of villages and trading mainly with the Vietnamese and Chinese communities. Today, however, the Tay have been primarily assimilated into the Vietnamese society. Traditionally, the Tay were master hunters. They used traps, cages, and automatically triggered arrows. Today, they hunt very little because of the changed ecological conditions.
Tay traditional dress is made from homegrown cotton that is indigo dyed. There is usually not much embroidery or other decorations. Women wear skirts or trousers, with short shirts inside and long one worn on the outside. The Ngan group wears shorter shirts, the Phen group wears brown shirts, the Thu Lao group wears conical-shaped scarves on their heads, the Pa Di group wears hats that look like house roofs, and the Tho group tend to dress like the Thai in Mai Chau (Hoa Binh province).
Tay Traditional Dress
Cuisine: In the past, in several places, the Tay ate mainly sticky rice, and almost every family used stew and steam pots for cooking. On festival occasions, they make many kinds of cakes, such as square rice cakes (banh chung), round rice cake (banh day), black rice sesame cake (banh gai), lime-water dumpling, fried rice cake, marble dumplings made of rice white rice flour with rock sugar fillings, patty make of mashed rice, etc. There are special cakes made from flour with an ant egg filling, and com, a young rice confection made from smoked sticky rice, roasted, and pounced. Other famous dishes among these peoples are Five-color Sticky Rice, Thang Den cake, Ha Giang sausages, and Grilled “Bỗng” Fish.
Thang den’ (floating sticky rice cake)
Prayer Request:

• Pray for the missionaries currently there, that God would protect them and guard them, their ministry, and their disciples.
• Pray the Christian believers among the Tay will be sent teachers to help them become well established in the faith. Pray they will find each other and love each other in order to fellowship together faithfully
• Pray they will learn to live in the power of Christ's Spirit, experiencing the fruit of Christ's Spirit consistently.
• Ask God to raise up prayer teams here and abroad that will break up the ground through worship and intercession.
• Ask the Lord to send long term laborers to live among the Tay of Vietnam and share the love of Christ with them.
• Ask the Holy Spirit to grant favor to Christians currently ministering to the Tay of Vietnam.
• Ask the Holy Spirit to soften the hearts of the people toward Christians so that they will be receptive to the Gospel.
• Pray against Putin and his insane little war.
• Pray for our nation (the United States), that we Christians can learn to come alongside our hurting brothers and sisters and learn to carry one another's burdens in a more Christlike manner than we have done historically.
• Pray that in this time of an upcoming election and insanity that the needs of the unreached are not forgotten by the church. Pray that our hearts continue to ache to see the unreached hear the Good News.

Brothers, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved. (Romans 10:1)
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Here are the previous weeks threads on the UPG of the Week for from 2023 (plus a few from 2022 so this one post isn't so lonely). To save some space on these, all UPG posts made 2019-now are here, I will try to keep this current!

People Group	Country	Continent	Date Posted	Beliefs
Tay (updated)	Vietnam	Asia	06/10/2024	Animism
Sunda (updated)	Indonesia	Asia	06/03/2024	Islam
Malay (updated)	Malaysia	Asia	05/27/2024	Islam
Jewish Peoples	United States	North America	05/06/2024	Judaism
Jordanian Arab	Jordan	Asia	04/29/2024	Islam
Bouyei	China	Asia	04/22/2024	Animism
Arab Libyans	Libya	Africa	03/25/2024	Islam
Gafsa Amazigh	Tunisia	Africa	03/18/2024	Islam
Hindi	South Africa	Africa	03/04/2024	Hinduism
Arabs	Iraq	Asia	02/26/2024	Islam
Bagirmi Fulani	Central African Republic	Africa	02/12/2024	Islam
Gujarati	Portugal	Europe	02/05/2024	Hinduism
Western Cham	Cambodia	Asia	01/29/2024	Islamc
Yadav	India	Asia	01/22/2024	Hinduism
Thai (updated)	Thailand	Asia	12/18/2023	Buddhism
Bayad	Mongolia	Asia	12/11/2023	Buddhism
Bedouin (Suafa)	Algeria	Africa	12/04/2023	Islam
Aboriginal (Reached)	Australia	Oceania	11/27/2023	Christian

a - Tibet belongs to Tibet, not China.
b - Russia/Turkey/etc is Europe but also Asia so...
c - this likely is not the true religion that they worship, but rather they have a mixture of what is listed with other local religions, or they have embraced a liberal drift and are leaving faith entirely but this is their historical faith.
Here is a list of definitions in case you wonder what exactly I mean by words like "Unreached".
Here is a list of missions organizations that reach out to the world to do missions for the Glory of God.

An example. In the Paddlin Peggy episode, Peggy inherited her paddle from Jeter the Beater. The paddle had tar on the handle for grip and holes drilled into it to cut down on wind resistance. Today a teacher can get in trouble for looking at a student funny so this probably seems like an exaggeration... particularly to younger viewers. Nonetheless, my 7th grade Algebra teacher had EXACTLY that same paddle. It had a tar grip and three big holes to cut down on wind resistance.
I never saw him beat a student, he told us about the paddle on the first day in his class to intimidate....I don't know if he ever used it or if it was always a bluff. If he did ever use it, that wouldn't shock me because pretty much every kid in my elementary school was physically disciplined by a teacher at least once, and we're talking the 80s.
I've seen other things like this in other shows too, but let's start with KOTH....anything you would think was unbelievable if you hadn't lived it?

As I've said to friends, I would call myself a phile in many ways, but never a cinephile. Sitting at home with so many streaming services at my disposal and the history of an art form at my fingertips, I've struggled to really kindle an interest in films. The possibility of being challenged is discomfiting. I go on reddit instead. I've always enjoyed going to the cinema, but put off my price and a relative lack of appealing films available. I moved to Sydney 2 years ago and found myself with a week off work during its film festival, so I lost the run of myself and bought about 15 tickets. Last year I saw 3 films at the festival including Kore-eda's Monster, which I loved, at the beautiful State Theatre. It was exciting to potentially be ahead of the curve on films that would get buzz on general release, so here we are. Hopefully I can foster some interesting discussion.
Puan dir. Maria Alche & Benjamin Naishtat
When I checked this off on Letterboxd, I saw the reviews were nearly exclusively Spanish, so I'm not sure if many English-speakers have seen it yet. Anyone interested in philosophy should, especially those, like me, whose interest in philosophy is...sort of passive? There's a big difference between being interested in philosophy and making it your career, of course, and that's exactly what this film is about. The protagonist Marcello seems to have fallen into his job by accident, and although he is an able teacher, isn't guided by any profound convictions in his own life. He is also grieving the loss of his mentor and struggling to support his family - I know very little of Argentine politics beyond the weird shit I've learned about Javier Milei on this website, and that knowledge is enough to know things are bad.
I studied Philosophy for a year in university, but struggled to coalesce my interest in philosophy as a tool for self-understanding and discovery with the institution of academic philosophy. Or, in other words, I thought I was too good to actually study, that 'a philosophical attitude' would lead me down the right path. This film is a comedy - and it is very funny - but what I really liked about it was its moralism. There is absolutely significant value on a philosophical education and bringing these questions to the masses, even if the teachers have no answers. 4/5
The Monk and the Gun dir. Pawo Choyning Dorji
Oh, you like travelling? Name every country.
If I'd been asked this ridiculous question, I can't imagine I would've mentioned Bhutan in the first 50 names, if at all. How much do you know about Bhutan? If Puan seemed to be an Argentine movie for Argentines, The Monk and the Gun is very much a Bhutanese movie for an international audience. Everything unusual or different is slowly and gently spelled out, which isn't a criticism in and of itself. The festival program used the somewhat diminutive descriptive noun of 'charmer' in its synopsis, which led me to expect something twee, inoffensive, and potentially forgettable. It might be the first two, but certainly not the latter.
This fictionalisation of the modernisation of Bhutan and its uniquely gentle introduction to democracy is really a cheeky attack on Western perceptions of 'new= improved'. It's more like a playful nip from a dog than the jugular-lunge of something like Xala. A smile didn't leave my face throughout, and its depiction of Buddhism was particularly meaningful to someone who knows meditation is the answer but never seems to have the time. As well as being genuinely uplifting, the narrative structure of the film, despite being gentle, was as thrilling as any other. 4.5/5
Xala dir. Ousmane Sembene
While I could probably point to Senegal on a map, I'm not sure I could've told you anything else about the Francophone African nation. This 1975 film was part of a director retrospective curated by a seemingly exhausted academic who had the same trouble figuring out how to introduce the film as I had approaching these reviews. Thankfully, Xala needs no introduction, being a wonderfully weird and biting satire of the all-too-familiar corrupt post-colonial African leader, whose moral weakness is expressed in his erectile dysfunction when confronted with the beautiful body of his third wife. This is an old film and should be watched by anyone potentially interested in such a grotesque metaphor. My first African film and one that made me eager to explore more of Sembene's work - this isn't my any metric considered his best. If Pawo Choyning Dorji was adept at introducing Bhutanese culture to a Western audience gently, Sembene is challenging his viewer, 50 years later, with a strange and different world. The ending is particularly shocking and memorable. 4/5
Hesitation Wound dir. Selman Nacar
I couldn't stop smiling watching The Monk and the Gun. I didn't smile once watching this Turkish legal thriller, nor did its protagonist, the criminal lawyer Canan, who in one long day fights for her client, suspected of murder and seemingly doomed, and her mother in hospital, on a ventilator and seemingly doomed. A beautifully stormy atmosphere never lifts. An experience sure to unease. I can't say any more about the story here, but at 84 minutes this film is worthy of consideration, if hard to outright recommend. I left the cinema wondering if it were cruel to do so - I kept thinking of my parents, still blessed with good health, and how powerless I would feel if their situation suddenly changed, and about how, inevitably, I will have to be confronted with this. I kept thinking about law as a career - how the game of human lives is played. I've no idea if these reviews will be of interest to anyone, as they are so reliably navel-gazing - practising law is an ambition of mine, and while I'm not eager to jump into the business of murder trials, I know that I am seeking to exercise incredible influence over the lives of others, as if to quell the unease of being otherwise powerless. I think basically all films are moralising in one way or another, as the feeling of uncertainty leaving the screening is a provocation on the film's part to question oneself. Whatever convictions I might think I hold certainly were not affirmed here. 4/5
Kinds of Kindness dir. Yorgos Lanthimos
If the previous films were the equivalent of eating vegetables, expanding my horizons, then Kinds of Kindness was a rich French onion soup. Celebs! Violence! Willem Defoe! Naked women! Naked Willem Defoe! Running at almost 3 hours I admit I needed to pinch myself a bit to stay awake during the third story, but I can't say I wasn't entertained. It's always fun leaving a cinema to hear how many people around you fucking hated it! And I'd be wary of showing this to friends who don't know of Lanthimos - it's a bit of a violent thing to do to a friend. The stories, especially the third, take an aggressive stance against viewers seeking a coherent narrative with a meaning, although they are, provocatively, linked. The first story in particular was like an addendum to The Lobster, and is probably my favourite at the time of writing, though that might simply be because it is the most readily digestible.
Lanthimos' style reminds me of Haruki Murakami's novels in that the surrealism distances the audience from whatever was intended by the artist so thoroughly, it would be a waste of time to ask the artist about his intention, or even to interpret it as a puzzle. Does that make sense? At some point I watched a four-and-a-half hour YouTube video explaining Twin Peaks, a series I've never seen. (Always had that instinct. Many summer afternoons as a 14 year old spent indoors browsing tvtropes and finding out the twist endings of movies and books I had no prior experience of. If this is mental illness, please recommend a doctor in the comments below.) Surrealism can be interpreted as a challenge, a puzzle that is meant to have a solution, and although I don't know if Twin Peaks was meant to have one, or if this long-ass YouTube video was right, I remember it being interesting, and a good, passionate response to a work of art. I've never seen anything written about a Murakami novel or a Lanthimos film that 'helped me understand it', and I think that urge to understand more is probably the wrong one. If I can't talk about what I think it was about, what is there to say? Not every movie review can be a diary entry. I really don't know. 4.5/5
A Different Man dir. Aaron Schimberg
I'd had a lot of comedy at the festival so far, and a fair share of drama, and here the two united in the height of tragicomedy. Samuel Beckett's plays attracted me as a teenager for being so funny while being so existentially grim, and Charlie Kaufman's Synecdoche, New York did the same thing for me in my early 20s. What isn't funny about the self-seriousness of contemplating one's own cessation of existence? Never understood why that film wasn't more universally acclaimed.
Art with meta elements can sometimes be really tedious and exasperating, as can listening to me talk about films, but they also scratch an itch like no other. I am certain this will be one of the most talked-about films of this year, so much so I'd rather defer to my successors than completely hash out my thoughts here. Wait until everybody's seen it. I can at least tell you this film is about a man living with neurofibromatosis who undergoes grisly experimental medical treatments to become, you know, a different man. He is defined by his condition at first, and when things change, he begins to seek the comfort of the definition, what was previously a prison. (I'm reminded of Nietzsche, but the last thing this post needs are semi-relevant quotations). The story plays out like a bedtime story told by a mother who really hates her children. Body image has been a greater source of anxiety than perhaps any other period in human history, and this film gets into this, among many other themes. Adam Pearson, an actor with neurofibromatosis, could very well be the next Peter Dinklage and defiantly break free from the shackles of disability-themed media, so brilliant is his performance. I'll say no more - other than, WATCH IT. 4.5/5
I still have 9 more films on my watchlist as the festival continues, so I'd be happy to write more reviews if anyone is interested. Writing is thinking, so I'd need to write something even if nobody were reading.
Looking back, I find my ratings a bit embarrassing - I chose not to mention a couple of short films I saw I disliked - but still. All those words and my scale exists from 4 to 4.5? Comparison seems like such a waste of time in this case - A Different Man and The Monk and the Gun are so utterly unlike I can't really put one over another. I might find in a few weeks or months I like one more, and rerate them, but as of tonight, these stars are all I can do. Have you experienced the same issue, with flexing your critical muscles? Even if you've seen none of these films, I hope this space can incite dialogue on the role of reception and judgment. In university I learned the value of a critical lens in analysing and discussing a work of art, but, as a regular filmgoer, I can't quite decide what sort of lens I want to use, not especially being a Marxist or an anti-Marxist, a feminist or an anti-feminist, a psychoanalyst or an anti, and so on. To make 'enjoyment' the center of my critique is also so unfulfilling. Hopefully I'll find something I really hate over the next few days to develop my thoughts. It's a hard life, indeed, to be stuck watching so many good movies.

Week 7: Limericks and Acrostic Poetry - Lecture and Discussion
Objective: - Explore the whimsical nature of limericks and the creative use of acrostic poetry. - Understand the structure and humor in limericks. - Discuss the artistic possibilities of using acrostic forms.
Day 1: Introduction to Limericks - Lecture: - Definition and characteristics of limericks. - Explanation of the AABBA rhyme scheme and humorous themes.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. What appeals to you about the whimsical nature of limericks?
  2. How does the AABBA rhyme scheme contribute to the humor in limericks?
  3. Can you think of any famous limericks or poets known for this style?

Day 2: Analyzing Limericks - Part 1 - Lecture: - In-depth analysis of classic limericks. - Exploration of the distinctive rhythm and structure.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. How does the AABBA rhyme scheme and rhythm contribute to the comedic timing in limericks?
  2. What humorous themes or scenarios are commonly found in limericks?
  3. Share your thoughts on the importance of concise storytelling in limericks.

Day 3: Analyzing Limericks - Part 2 - Lecture: - Discussing modern variations and themes in limericks. - Exploring the versatility of the form.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. How have modern limericks evolved in terms of themes and structure?
  2. In what ways does the whimsical nature of limericks allow for creative expression?
  3. Share examples of humorous scenarios that might work well in a limerick.

Day 4: Crafting Limericks - Part 1 - Lecture: - Step-by-step guide on crafting the first three lines of a limerick. - Emphasis on establishing humor and rhythm.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. What challenges do you anticipate in crafting the first three lines of a limerick?
  2. How can you establish humor and rhythm within the concise structure?
  3. Share examples of humorous scenarios you might explore in a limerick.

Day 5: Crafting Limericks - Part 2 - Lecture: - Step-by-step guide on crafting the final two lines of a limerick. - Emphasis on creating resolution and punchline.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. Why are the final two lines crucial in providing resolution and a punchline in a limerick?
  2. How can a limerick deliver a humorous twist or surprise within its structure?
  3. Share and discuss individual limericks, highlighting successful elements.

Homework Assignment: - Craft a limerick focusing on a humorous scenario or theme.
Study Guide Questions: 1. Reflect on the challenges of crafting the first three lines of your limerick. How did you establish humor and rhythm? 2. How did you approach creating resolution and a punchline in the final two lines of your limerick? 3. What insights did you gain from the process of crafting a limerick?
Quiz: Assessment on the understanding of limericks, their AABBA rhyme scheme, and the use of humor within the concise form.
Day 6: Introduction to Acrostic Poetry - Lecture: - Definition and characteristics of acrostic poetry. - Exploration of arranging words vertically to create hidden messages.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. What interests you about the creative use of acrostic forms?
  2. How might the arrangement of words vertically enhance the poetic experience in acrostic poetry?
  3. Can you think of any famous acrostic poems or poets known for this style?

Day 7: Analyzing Acrostic Poetry - Part 1 - Lecture: - In-depth analysis of classic acrostic poems. - Exploration of the different approaches to selecting and arranging words.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. How does the vertical arrangement of words contribute to the overall impact of acrostic poetry?
  2. What unique perspectives or insights can arise from using acrostic forms in poetry?
  3. Share your thoughts on the relationship between the hidden message and the overall theme in acrostic poems.

Day 8: Analyzing Acrostic Poetry - Part 2 - Lecture: - Discussing modern variations and themes in acrostic poetry. - Exploring the diverse ways poets engage with vertical arrangements.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. How have modern poets expanded the themes and approaches in acrostic poetry?
  2. In what ways does the incorporation of vertical arrangements broaden the possibilities in written expression?
  3. Share examples of themes or concepts suitable for acrostic poetry.

1. Clerihew:

- *Definition:* A whimsical, four-line biographical poem with irregular meter. - *Example:* Craft a clerihew about a famous historical figure or a friend with a humorous twist. 

1. Quatrain:

- *Definition:* A stanza or poem consisting of four lines, often rhymed. - *Example:* Write a quatrain reflecting on the beauty of simplicity in everyday life. 

1. Double Dactyl:

- *Definition:* A light, humorous poem with strict structure and two quatrains. - *Example:* Create a double dactyl capturing a comical moment or character. 

1. Terzanelle:

- *Definition:* A hybrid of the terza rima and villanelle, with 19 lines and a specific rhyme scheme. - *Example:* Craft a terzanelle exploring the cyclical nature of seasons and life. 

1. Haibun:

- *Definition:* A combination of prose and haiku, often describing a journey or experience. - *Example:* Write a haibun narrating a meaningful travel experience, complemented by haikus. 

1. Golden Shovel:

- *Definition:* A form where the last word of each line is taken from an existing poem. - *Example:* Create a golden shovel poem using a line from your favorite poem or song. 

1. Villancico:

- *Definition:* A Spanish poetic and musical form, often festive and celebratory. - *Example:* Craft a villancico capturing the joy of a special occasion or holiday. 

1. Tercet:

- *Definition:* A stanza or poem consisting of three lines. - *Example:* Write a tercet expressing the beauty of resilience in the face of adversity. 

1. Sevenling:

- *Definition:* A seven-line poem with a specific pattern and often narrative in nature. - *Example:* Compose a sevenling reflecting on a vivid childhood memory. 

1. Palindrome Poetry:

- *Definition:* A poem that reads the same backward as forward. - *Example:* Write a palindrome poem exploring the balance between chaos and order. 

1. Sonnet:

• Definition: A 14-line poem, often expressing love or deep emotion, with various rhyme schemes.
  
• Example: Write a sonnet exploring the theme of unrequited love.
  

1. Haiku:

• Definition: A traditional Japanese poem with three lines and a 5-7-5 syllable count.
  
• Example: Craft a haiku capturing the essence of a serene moment in nature.
  

1. Villanelle:

• Definition: A 19-line poem with five tercets followed by a quatrain, using repeated lines.
  
• Example: Create a villanelle about the passage of time and its impact on memories.
  

1. Limerick:

• Definition: A humorous, five-line poem with a distinctive rhythm (AABBA).
  
• Example: Compose a limerick about a quirky character or situation.
  

1. Free Verse:

• Definition: Poetry with no set rhyme scheme or meter, allowing for free expression.
  
• Example: Write a free verse poem exploring the complexities of human relationships.
  

1. Acrostic:

• Definition: A poem where the first letter of each line spells out a word or message.
  
• Example: Create an acrostic using your name, describing your personality or aspirations.
  

1. Ghazal:

• Definition: A poetic form with rhyming couplets and a repeating refrain.
  
• Example: Craft a ghazal expressing the bittersweet nature of love and longing.
  

1. Tanka:

• Definition: A Japanese poem with five lines and a 5-7-5-7-7 syllable count.
  
• Example: Write a tanka capturing the fleeting beauty of a sunset.
  

1. *Cinquain:

• Definition: A five-line poem with a specific syllable count per line (2-4-6-8-2).
  
• Example: Create a cinquain describing the essence of a quiet winter evening.
  

1. Pantoum:

- *Definition:* A poem with repeating lines and a specific pattern, often used for reflection. - *Example:* Craft a pantoum exploring the cyclical nature of life and change. 

I often have to pump in public when my husband, LO and I go out to do activities or just when I’m out in general. I am an over supplier who contracted mastitis at 9 weeks PP (went back to work as a teacher, traveled… skipped some sessions even though I knew the risk and will never do that again lol) so I like to stay really on top of my pumping schedule to prevent mastitis/clogs. I am a first time mama and I don’t feel extremely self conscious about it, but maybe just a little.
Maybe it’s because I live in the conservative state of Texas (but am also in the not very conservative city of Houston), but I have literally never seen another mama pump in public like I do and I can’t help but feel goofy in my outfit that looks like a botched boob job. I use my Spectra S1 at home and my Momcozy S9 while I’m out and I wear my cape-style nursing cover on top.
Does anyone else pump in public? I find it funny that I’ve never seen it being done before. Surely there are other mamas who EP that feel the need to express while they’re out!?

My first experience with TTRPGs was when I joined the DND club in 8th grade. This was a while ago so I might have gaps in my memory, especially considering my mental health at the time. Middle school was a very bad time for me and I've always been very creative and imaginative, so I was looking forward to finding an escape in a fun fantasy world and becoming someone else. That did not happen. Instead I got a very stressful year long task to stop my party members from destroying themselves and everything around them, while trying to appease a very harsh DM that was there via nepotism.
TLDR: My first campaign was a mess because my party members were absolutely feral, our DM got away with everything because his mother was the teacher leading the club, and I spent the entire campaign miserably trying to keep everyone alive and together so I was unable to roleplay or develop my character. I missed one session and they blamed me for something they did while I was gone that was so horrible it killed all of our pets, including many of mine.
To start, I'll establish the characters. Obviously I will not be using any real names, and I will use the same names for both the player and their characters.
First, my friend Michael (who was a pleasant surprise, considering I didn't know he had also joined the club) made a rogue. He was either human or half-elf or something. He's chill, but a little neurotic. He obsesses over things and will focus on a task until it's completion.
A boy, Elliot, was a human paladin. His character was the tallest of the group by far, which was funny when considering his friend, Rory, was a gnome cleric and therefore the shortest. They were kind of a dynamic duo.
Then there was Kaya. Kaya was my "best friend" throughout all of middle school. I refused to believe it at the time, but she was terribly abusive to me. You'll see a glimpse into how that manifests later. She played an elven... rogue. I pointed out that having two rogues was probably going to unbalance the team a little, but Michael made his character first and Kaya was edge lord supreme so she refused to budge. She named her character after a Homestuck character, then declared her alignment to be chaotic evil. Elliot said that his paladin would never team up with a chaotic evil rogue, and the DM agreed that it wouldn't make much sense for them to be in a party together, so she begrudgingly agreed to change it to chaotic neutral. Her play-style did not reflect that change.
Then there was me. My character was a half elf who was either a wizard or a sorcerer, I can't recall. She was chaotic good, at first, but that quickly changed to neutral good. She was kind and empathetic and absolutely nothing else because I never got the opportunity to develop her, and you'll see why.
As for the DM, Aiden, he was... interesting. He was a high school student that came to DM for the middle school DND club because his mother was the teacher that ran it. More on him as we progress through the story.
I remember being a little disappointed because one of the DMs for the club was a teacher that I liked a lot, but he was already running a campaign.
Session zero was just character creation, really, there was no actual play that meeting, which was fine since we were all new to the game and needed help making character sheets. They made us roll for absolutely everything, including height, weight, and age. I found this amusing because I got fairly good rolls and my "best friend" Kaya got a middle aged short and stout character which she was deeply annoyed about. I teased her about it a little because she always made fun of my height (I'm 4'10", and was probably honestly an inch or two shorter back then). She did not take kindly to the teasing and got really upset and demanded to reroll, but we were short on time and those rolls weren't even that relevant so we just continued.
Aiden made me roll for what spells I got initially, but he let me choose one myself. I chose Charm Person because I thought it would be pretty helpful. Then I rolled and got Feather Fall (and I think I also got Shield? Though I might have gotten it later). I was disappointed because I didn't get any that would do damage. We all started at level 1. I didn't get any cantrips... I think I asked about them but he said to not worry about it so I listened to him.
The first real session, we were put in a charming little town with an undead problem. It was a good setup and a simple introduction for us as new players. All of the townsfolk in that village were named Hector, which I thought was delightful. So we'll call the starting village Hectorville. We decided to browse the shops while it was daylight and get equipped. Given freedom of choice for the first time in a game like this, Kaya and I instantly went and bought 30 live chickens between the two of us. I think 10 were mine and 20 were hers. We never really did anything with the chickens, we just thought it was funny to have 30 chickens trailing us at all times. That was the only chaotic thing I managed to do the entire game. I also bought a horse, which took a huge chunk of my funds but I loved her, I think I named her Eclipse. I might have also bought a dog, though I could've gotten him later I really don't remember. Either way I spent a LOT of my funds on animals. These animals are important later.
When we were in one of the shops, while we were having a lovely discussion with the shopkeeper, Artist Hector, Kaya was looking around for any particularly valuable items. There was an expensive enchanted necklace in a display case, and of course her first instinct was to steal it. I tried to tell her no, as we just started in this town and we should stay in good standing with the locals, but she waited a bit and went for it anyway. I think she failed and Artist Hector yelled at her.
After we did the initial quest of taking out a few of the undead, we were tasked by an elderly man to head to a windmill a little ways away from Hectorville to get rid of the wolves that had taken it over. I think the windmill also had something to do with the source of the undead. I managed to convince the old man to guide us to the windmill, though he waited a good distance away for us to avoid getting into any danger himself.
Long story short, we were absolutely no match for these wolves. We were torn to shreds and had a TPK. We were all really bummed out, and Aiden gave us mercy for the first and last time. We woke up in Hectorville, but at a cost. The old man had dragged us all back, and he had died from the strain of it all. I was super sad and I suggested that we go pay our respects at his grave. When we got there, I tried to do a little bit of roleplay and say a few words in honor of the old man, but Kaya immediately jumped in and asked if she could dig up his grave and rob his corpse. I was absolutely horrified and pleaded with her to reconsider and have some respect for him. She wouldn't listen and I told her that he probably wouldn't even have anything good on him anyways since he was just an old guy from a small town. The other players seemed kind of amused but stayed out of it, though they seemed to think it was slightly too disrespectful to do as well.
Obviously she didn't listen and she found a shovel and dug up his grave. All he had on his corpse was like a copper piece, a ring, and a picture of his wife or something. She was disappointed even though I'd warned her that would be the case. She wanted to dig up more graves but we voted to leave the graveyard to prevent her from getting us kicked out of the town.
The pattern begins.
Our journey continues, we travel, we go on little side quests, we get into combat, I'm basically useless in most combat scenarios since I have no damage spells and only have like, a dagger.
I started to notice that the DM is a little harsh. He'll make fights a little too difficult, enforce strange rules, etc. It's fine, it's nothing we can't work around (at first). We pretty much never did any actual roleplay, and when we did we were very awkward about it because we never got the chance to practice and get comfortable. Every time I went on for more than a sentence or two, Kaya would butt in and take control of the conversation or end the dialogue entirely with one of her antics. My character was not allowed to develop into a person, she was just the mediator trying desperately to hold onto four leashes.
I genuinely cannot remember if there was a main quest. I think he just kind of kept throwing various smaller quests at us, which was alright but I'm not sure if it ever felt like we were actually progressing. It was basically just us doing whatever we wanted, which actually meant everyone else in the party getting to do whatever they wanted and me trying to keep everyone from dying, or getting too separated and off track, or putting a comically high bounty on our heads, things like that.
At some point we meet an incredibly tall orange man. I'm talking comically tall, and not proportionally that wide, and he had like a little smiley face I think. His name was Orange. We loved him dearly. He essentially joined the party, and we could call him whenever we needed him.
At some point Elliot and Rory had an idea. Establish the Church of Orange. We all agreed, I was very on board since it was funny and harmless and could be a good side task to work on for the duration of the game. We built a little chapel and recruited some members and Orange was kind of just chilling, he didn't seem to mind.
Elliot and Rory decided that their characters should get married at the chapel. This was a spur of the moment decision and was one of the better roleplaying moments. Kaya surprisingly didn't butt in at all but honestly I think it was just because she was a fujoshi and weirdly obsessed with gay men. After they got married, they asked if they could adopt Orange as their strange son. They did so, and doted on him a lot. They were very proud of their boy.
After a little, though, they adopted me too for some reason. It was fine for a second before it quickly devolved into them berating me and praising Orange for no reason at all. They were incredibly harsh to my character and I asked if I could disown them but Aiden said no. Eventually they must've not found it that funny anymore so they stopped and essentially dropped that plotline.
Whenever someone missed a session, Aiden would make one of the remaining players take over and play both characters throughout the session. This included making important decisions on behalf of the player, with absolutely no restrictions. I thought this was a very bad idea and suggested we just have the character follow behind quietly or be off doing something else for the session, but Aiden doubled down and I quickly relented. I made it a point to never miss a session if I could help it.
One time, a few months in, Elliot missed a session and I was assigned his character. We got to a point where we had to all jump over a river of lava, and we had to roll to succeed. I rolled too little for Elliot's character. I begged Aiden to let me reroll or just let Elliot's character live because it wouldn't be fair to kill his character off when he wasn't there. He said absolutely not and Elliot's character fell in the lava and died.
I was very upset about this, and after the session I went to the club leader. I told her what happened and how he was frequently very harsh in his rulings, making it more stressful than fun. He was her son, so she defended him and brushed it off entirely. She also said he was autistic, so I should just let him do whatever. I am also autistic, but I didn't know it at the time. I did, however, know that my older sister had autism, and I'd known several other autistic people in my life. I empathized and understood that autism can make it very hard to understand tone and social cues and such, I struggle with that myself, but that didn't mean that she should baby him and never correct him on his mistakes. While my sister and others treat it as an explanation, he treated it as an excuse.
I mentioned his DMing style seeming odd or ruining the fun to her several times but she always took his side, so eventually I gave up.
Thankfully, when Elliot returned, he wasn't upset with me. I apologized profusely but he was very chill about it. He was a little bummed but he was content with making a new character. I don't remember what character he made after that, honestly.
At some point Michael's character also died, but Michael is the kind of guy who takes that in stride and moves on no problem. His character wasn't really developed anyways so I'm not sure he was even that attached to him. His new character was pretty similar. He was honestly the person who gave me the least amount of headaches and he is still my friend to this day. Shoutout to Michael!
We had a portal arc where we keep finding portals and going in without thinking it through, much to my protest.
Antics ensue, things happen, we go to a sandwich dimension where everything is made of sandwiches, there's a sandwich version of Michael's dead character, I find a breaded chicken (alive) and I adopt it, it's delightful. Kaya is still a constant headache and getting us into trouble, the other three are no help and honestly Elliot and Rory get into an equal amount of antics but they make it less of my problem.
We go on a quest in the ocean in a Bioshock-like underwater structure, Kaya is Kaya and upsets a large squid and we spend the rest of the session in squid-court for squid harassment.
There's a point where we're about to have a TPK, we're all on low HP and there's seemingly no hope. I feel useless, magic fire is closing in on us, and I suddenly have an idea. I ask if I can use my magic shield around us to protect us from the flames. He says yes. FINALLY! I'm useful! It's a really good day for me!
Then the absolute worst thing happens. I miss one session. Just one.
I come back mid siege. We're the ones sieging the town. I'm very confused and starting to panic and the first thing I ask is "which town and why?"
They answer with 'Hectorville. I dunno, we felt like it.'
I am absolutely appalled. I'm gone for one session and they're laying siege to our starting town filled with helpless Hectors? It's been going on for a while apparently and the Hectors had started getting desperate. A few fight back, but Kaya is way too happy to kill them (very violently). I'm still reeling and trying to catch up with whatever is going on. I'm asking a bunch of questions and not liking the answers one bit. They said my character agreed to it, which is so incredibly far out of character that I'm mad at the DM for even allowing it. They could probably have done it even without my vote so why'd they have to add insult to injury? Finally I ask, "Hey, where's Orange? And please tell me you left our chickens and pets in a safe place."
Aiden says the party left them inside one of the buildings. I asked, "in town?" and he said yes. The rest of the party was still smiling and were confused as to why I was asking about this until I slowly clarified, "you left our favorite NPC, and all our pets, in a town that you decided to siege. You left our 30 chickens in a town that you are purposefully starving?"
The entire mood of the table shifted from amused joy to shock and upset. Rory and Elliot were worried about Orange. Kaya was upset about her chickens, mildly concerned about Orange, and very upset about her dog. Michael was still mildly amused, actually. Probably enjoying their karma.
It was the end of the siege and so we rush in to the town full of Hector corpses and stepping over the few that are alive but too weak and hungry to move or attack us, and we head straight for where they left Orange and the pets.
Orange is alive and well, but all the pets are dead. I'm absolutely crushed. I beg Aiden to tell me that at least my horse is outside. He says no, Eclipse was in the building with the rest of them. All the pets had been eaten by the Hectors and by Orange, and he mentioned that Orange even ate a few of the Hectors when the pets ran out. Suddenly Elliot and Rory are appalled by Orange and they hate him. The complete 180 was baffling to me. It wasn't Orange's fault they left him in there and then sieged the place. It was entirely their fault.
Kaya is incredibly upset and she turns to me at the table and she starts yelling at me. "This is all your fault! You should've stopped us!"
I yelled back, "how? I was sick at home! You shouldn't have done this, you can't blame me for it! I wasn't even there!"
But for some reason she kept insisting that it was my fault that they decided to lay siege and she kept saying very insulting words towards me, calling me a b**** among other things, and I started crying.
Kaya and I didn't talk for a few days after that. This was relatively common, actually. She would get into an argument with me on purpose, then blame me for it, and then she would refuse to apologize and not talk to me for days. She sometimes started talking to me again out of the blue like nothing had happened, but usually she would actually start talking again if I had something she wanted, like food. She would only ever apologize when I refused to give her food until she said sorry. It was really childish, even for middle school.
I was so incredibly upset with all of them, especially Kaya, and I was absolutely baffled as to how Aiden let them do any of this to my character and her property without my consent. I reiterated how unfair it was to let huge character decisions be made when the player isn't present. He absolutely did not care and he seemed to find it funny.
In the final session, Aiden allowed us to do pretty much whatever we wanted, even manipulate reality. Like a sort of non-canon sandbox. That was nice, I suppose, but it couldn't make up for how absolutely exhausting the whole campaign was for me. In the end, I'm fairly certain we were all only level 2. Basically nothing was accomplished over the year-long campaign except giving me more things to talk about at therapy after I graduated middle school.
Thankfully, this first experience with DND didn't turn me off of the game forever. I've played in a few mini campaigns since, DMed for a campaign, and I'm working on preparing to DM again. I would love to be a player at some point again for a proper campaign, though. I feel like I need to replace that awful player experience with a much better one.
Also Kaya and I cut each other off the second we got to High School. At first I would honestly have mild panic attacks every time I saw her in the halls, but I got therapy and eventually I was able to ignore her. Haven't spoken to her in over 5 years at this point and I do not plan to ever again.
Thanks for reading this far, I know it was a long one!

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast, back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted. Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25 pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small. You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance. Z Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh, go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way! Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine. Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note! Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No! I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really? -Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I like about you, Shrek? You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing. I like that, I respect that, Shrek. You're all right. Uh, look at that. Who would wanna live in a place like that? That would be my home. Oh, it is lovely. Just beautiful. You know you're quite a decorator. It's amazing what you did with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess, you don't entertain much, do you? I like my privacy. You know I do to. That's another thing, we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You try to give them a hint and they won't leave. And then there's that big occurred silence, you know? Can I stay with you? -What? Can I stay with you, please. Of course! -Really? No. -Please! I don't want to go back there. You don't how is like to be concerned like a freak. Well..., maybe you do. But that's why we have to stick together! You got to let me stay! Please! Please! OK, OK. -But one night only. -Huh, thank you! A, what are you do... No! This is going to be fun. We can stay up late, swap the manly stories. And in
the morning... I'm making waffles. Where do I sleep? Outside! Oh, a, I guess that's cool. You know, I don't know you and you don't know me... ... so I guess, outside is best for me. Here I go. Good night. I do like that half door. I'm a donkey all alone outside. Sit by myself outside, I guess. I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. -I thought, I told you to stay outside. -I am outside. Well James. This is far from the farm, but what choice do we have? It's not... What a lovely bed. -Got you! I found some cheese. Awful stuff. -Is that you Gordon? -How did you know? Enough! What are you doing in my house? Oh, no, no, no... Death prods off the table! Where would we supposed to put her. The bed's taken. What? I live in a swamp. I've put up signs. I'm a terrifying Ogre! What do I have to do, to get a little privacy? Oh, no! No, no! What are you doing in my swamp? All right, get out of here. All of you. Move it! Come on, let's go. And hurry up, hurry up. No, no, not there. Not there! Hey don't look at me. I didn't invite them. Oh gosh, no one invited us. -What? We were forced to come here. -By who? Lord Farquaad. He ??? All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? Oh I do. I know where he is. Does anyone else know where to find him? -Anyone at all? -Me. -Anyone? Oh pick me, I know! Me, me. Ok, fine. Attention all fairy tale things! Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially warned up. In fact. I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get all off my land and back where you came from. You. You're coming with me. All right. That's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stubborn friends off on a world and big city adventure. I love it. I'm on road again. Sing with me Shrek! I'm on road again... What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Well, can I hummer? -All right. That's enough. He's ready to talk. Run, run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. You monster. I'm not a monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. -Now tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me. I've tried to be fair to you, creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! -Tell me! Or I'll... -No, no, not the buttons. Not gumdrop buttons. All right! Who's hiding them? Ok, I'll tell you. -Do you know the muffin-man? -The muffin-man? -The muffin-man. -Yes, I know the muffin-man. Who lives on Proully lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin-man. -The muffin-man! -The muffin-man! -She's married to the muffin-man. My lord! We found it. Well then, what are you waiting for? Bring it in. Magic mirror. Don't tell him anything! Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? Well, technically, you're not a king. A..., felonious. -You were saying. -What I mean is a... ...you're not a king, yet. But you can become one. All you have to do, is marry a princess. Go on. So, just sit back and relax my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are. Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shading from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hottubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for two evil sisters. Please welcome... Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a kemp wearing girl from a land of fantasy. Although she lives with seven other man, she is not easy. Just kiss hers dead frozen lips and find out what a live wife she is. Come on. Give it up for... Show-white. And last but certainly not least. Bachelorette number three is a fire-breathing ????, dragon guarded castle, surrounded by a hot boiling lava. But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes Pina Coladas and getting cut in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona. So will it be, bachelorette number one? Bachelorette number two? Or bachelorette number three? -Two... -Three! -Two! One. No, no, no. Three. Pick number three my lord. Ok, ok. Number three. Lord Farquaad. You've chosen... princess Fiona. She's nice. Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone... But I probably should mention little thing that happens at night... -I'll do it! -Yes, but after sunset... Silence! I will make this princess Fiona my queen. And Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain! Assemble your finest man. We're going to have a tournament! That's it, that's, right there, that's Duloc. I've told you I'll find it. So. That must be lord Farquaad's castle. Aha, that's the place. Do you think maybe he's compensating for something. Hey, hey wait up Shrek! -Hey, you! -No, no! Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just... It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? Hey look at this. Wow! -Let's do that again. -No. no. All right. You're going the right way for smack bottom. Sorry about that. That champion should have the honor, no, no... ...the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely princess Fiona from the fireing keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first
runner up will take his place. And so on, and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Applause. Let the tournament begin. What is that? Ugh, it's hideous. Oh, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. Indeed. Knights! New plan. The one, who kills the Ogre, will be named champion. How about him. Oh, hey. Now, come on. Can't we just settle this over a pint? No? All right then. Come on. Hey Shrek! Let me, let me! The chair! Give him the chair! Thank you. Thank you, very much. I'm here until Thursday. Try the wheel! Shall I give the order sir? No. I have a better idea. People of Duloc. I give you our champion! What? Congratulation, Ogre. You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp back! -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairytale creatures. Indeed. All right Ogre, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me and I'll give you your swamp back. Exactly the way it was? Down to the last slime covered toast tool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. What kind of quest? Ok, let me get this straight! We gonna go find the dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back the swamp, which you only don't have, 'cause he filled it with full of freaks on the first place. -Is that about right? -You know what? Maybe there is a good reason, donkeys shouldn't talk. I don't get it Shrek. Why didn't you just pull some old Ogre stuff on them? You know, ??? . Grab his bones to make you brave. You know the whole Ogre trick. Oh, you know what. Maybe I could have decapitated entire village and put their heads on plate. Got a knife, cut open their spleens and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? A, no, not really, no. For your information, there is a lot more to Ogres than people think. -Example. -Example? OK, A-a-m, Ogres are like onions. -They stink? -Yes, no. -O, they make you cry. -No. Oh, you leave them out on the sun and they get all brown and start ??? little wild hairs? No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. O, you both have layers. You know not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes. Cakes have layers. I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. You know what else everyone likes? Paffe. Have you ever met a person and you say: "Hey, let's get some paffe" and they say I don't like paffe. Paffe is delicious. No! You tensed, irritating, miniature peace of barden. Ogres are like onions. End of story. Bye, bye. See you lather. Paffe is maybe the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. You know I think I've preferred your humming. Do you have a tissue or something, 'cause I'm making a mess. Just the word paffe has made me start slimying Why, Shrek, did you do that? Man you got to warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was opened and everything. Believe me donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. It's brimstone. We must be getting close. Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking ??? brimstone. I know what I smell and ??? no brimstone. And they don't come of stone neither. Sure it's big enough, but look at the location. Oh, Shrek, remember when you said that Ogres have layers? Oh, yeah. Well, I have a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear ??? sleeves. Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of highs. No, I'm just a little uncomfortable of being on a rickety bridge over boiling lake of lava! Come on donkey, I'm right here beside you. Ok? For emotional support. We'll just hackle this thing together one little baby step after time. -Really? -Really really. Ok. That makes me feel so much better. Just keep moving and don't look down. Don't look down, don't look down. Shrek! I'm looking down! I can't do this. Just let me off right now, please. -But you're already half way. -Yeah, but I know that half is safe. Ok, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. Shrek, no, wait. Don't do that! Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh. This? -Yes, that! Yes, yes. Do it. OK. -No, Shrek! -I'm doing it. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. That will do Donkey, that will do. Cool. So where is this fire breathing pain in the neck anyway? Inside. Waiting for us to rescue her. I was talking about the dragon Shrek. -Are you afraid? -No, but shhhhh. Oh, good. Me neither. Because there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Here's a..., something responsible of the situation. Not to mention dangerous situation. And there's dragon that breathes fire. I'm sure he's meaner than a cow or anything, but they're scare. You know what I mean. I'm sure he's heavier than a cow... Donkey. Two things. Ok? Shut, up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess. The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. What makes you think she'll be there? I read it
in a book once. Cool. You handle the dragon, I'll handle the stairs. Oh, I'll find those stairs. I'll ???. That's right. Those stairs won't know which way they go. The drafting stairs, ??? Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I'm master of the stairs. I wish I had a stair right here right here now, I'd step all over it. Well, at least we know where the princess is. -But where is the... -Dragon! Donkey, look out! Got you. Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean, white sparkling teeth. You probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach yourself, because that is one dashing smile you got there. And do I detect the hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're a girl dragon. Oh, sure. I mean 'course you're a girl dragon, 'cause you're just ricking the feminine beauty out. What's the matter with you? Do you have something in your eye? Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know I'm a asthmatic and I don't know if we would worked out. You'd be blowing smoke and stuff. Shrek! No, Shrek! Shrek! -Wake up! -What? Are you princess Fiona? I am. Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. Oh, that's nice. Now let's go. But wait, sir knight. This be our first meeting. Should not be wonderful, romantic moment? Yeah. Sorry lady there's no time. Hey, what are you doing? You know, you should sweep me out of my feet. Out through the window and down the rope by to your valued steed. You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? Uh-um. But we have to sing through this moment. You can residing of a poem to me. A ballad, a sonnet, a libretti. Or something. I don't think so. Well, can I at least know a name of my champion? Shrek. So, Shrek. I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Thanks. -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's not my job to do this. Now, come on! But this isn't right. ??? That's what all the other knights did. Yeah. Right before they burst in the flame. That's not the point. Wait. Where are you going? Exit is over there. Well, I have to save my ass. What kind of knight are you? One of a kind. ...rush into a physical relationship. I'm not that emotionally ready for commitment of a this magnitude. That was the word I was looking for. Magnitude. Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Ok, ok, let's just back up a little and take this one step at the time. I mean, we really should get to know each other first, you know what am I saying. As friends, maybe even as ??? Hey don't do that. That's my tail. That's ma personal tail. And you're going to tear it off.... Oh, no. No! -It talks?! -Yeah. It's getting to shut up, that's a trick. Ok, you two. Head for the exit. I'll take care of the dragon. Ruuuuun! You did it. You rescued me. Amizing, you're wonderful. You're a ... ...a little unorthodox I admit, but by deed is great and by heart is pure. I'm entirely in your debt. And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed. I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She thinks I'm a steed. The battle is won. You may remove your helmet good sir knight. -Aah, no. -Why not? I have helmet hair. Please. I wouldst look upon the face of my rescuer. Oh, no, you wouldn't, dust. But, how will you kiss me? What? That wasn't in a job description. -Maybe it's a perk? -No. It's destiny. You must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and besieged by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight. And then they share true love's first kiss. With Shrek? You think, wait... ...you think Shrek is your true love? Well, yes. You think that Shrek is your true love. What is so funny? Let's just say, I'm not your type, ok? Of course you are. You're my rescuer. Now, now remove your helmet. Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take it off! -No! -Now! -Ok, easy. As you command your highness. You're an Ogre. Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. Well, yes, actually. Oh no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an Ogre. Princess, I was sent to rescue you by lord Farquaad, ok? He's the one, who wants to marry you. Well, then why didn't he come to rescue me? Good question. You should ask him that, when we get there. But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some Ogre and his pet. Well so much for noble steed. Look princess. You're not making my job any easier. Well I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. Hey, I'm no ones messenger boy, all right? -I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. -You coming donkey? -Put me down! Yeah, I'm right behind you. Put me down or you will suffer the consequences. This is not dignified. Put me down. Ok, here's another question. Let's say that a woman 'digged' you, but you don't really like her, that way. Now, how you let her down real easy, so her feelings aren't hurt? But you don't get burned to a crisp neither. How do you do this? Just tell her, she's not your true love. Everyone knows it what happens when you
find... Hey! The sooner we get to Duloc, the better. Oh, yeah. You gonna love it there princess. It's beautiful. And what of my groom to be, lord Farquaad. What's he like? Well, let me put it this way, princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. Oh no, Shrek. There are those who think little of him. Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You know, you're just jealous that you can never measure up to a great ruler like lord Farquaad. Yeah. Well maybe you're right princess. But I'd like you do that measuring when you see him tomorrow Tomorrow? It will take that long? -Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No. That would take longer. We can keep going. But there are robbers in the woods. Whoa, time out Shrek. Camp is definitely something that sounds good. Hey. Come on. I'm scarier than anything we're gonna see in this forest. I need to find somewhere to camp, now! Hey, over here. Shrek, we can do better than that. Now, I don't think this is decent for princess. No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. Homey touches? Like what? A door. Well, gentleman I'll be d..., good night. Do you want me to come in and read you a bedtime story, 'cause I will... I said good night! Shrek! What are you doing? I just..., you know... Oh, come on, I was just kidding. And that one, that's Throwback. The only Ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future form these stars? Well, the stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look. There's Blodna, the "Flatulent" You can guess what he is famous for. All right. Now I know you're making this up. No. Look. There he is and there's the group of hunters running away from his stag. Man, there ain't nothing, but a bunch of little dots. You know donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Forget it. Hey Shrek. What are you gonna do when we get our swamp back, anyway? -Our swamp? -You know. When we're through rescuing the princess and all that stuff. We? Donkey, there is no we. There's no our. There's just me and my swamp. And the first thing I'm gonna do, is build a ten foot wall around my land. You cut me deep Shrek, you cut me real deep just now. You know, what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. No, do you think? -Are you hiding something? -Never mind Donkey. Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? No. This is one of those drop it and leave it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Oh, Why you block? -I'm not blocking. -Oh yes you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who are you trying to keep out? Just tell me that Shrek. Who? Everyone, ok? -Oh, now we're getting somewhere. -Oh, for 'the love of pit'. Hey, what's your problem Shrek? What do you got against the whole world anyway? Look. I'm not the one with the problem, ok? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go: AAA... Help! Run! A big stupid ugly Ogre. They judge me, before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. You know what? When we met, I didn't think you're just a big stupid, ugly Ogre. Yeah, I know. So, a... Are there any donkeys up there? Well, there's a Cabby. The small and annoying. Ok, ok. I see him, now. Big shining one, right there. That one, over there? That's the moon. Again. Show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. Perfect. Yeah. You know I like like that. Oh come on baby... -Donkey. Wake up. -What? -Wake up. Morning. How do you like your eggs? -Good morning princess. -What's all this about? You know, we kind of got of to a bad start yesterday and I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. Thanks. Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in I always say. But that's no way to behave in front of a princess. -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. You know. You're not exactly what I've expected. Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. Princess! What are you doing? ???mon shery, for I am your saviour. And I am rescuing you from this green...beast. Hey! That's my princess. Go find your own. Please, monster. Can't you see I'm a little busy here? Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are. Oh, of course. How rude that was. Please, let me introduce myself. Oh marry men! Man, that was annoying. Oh, you little... Shall we? ???all the forin??? Whoa, hold on, now. Where did that come from? -What? -That. Back there. That was amazing. Where did you learn that? Well, when one lives alone one has to learn these things in case there's a... There is an arrow in your butt. What? Oh, would you look at that. Oh, no... This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt? Shrek's hurt! -Oh, no. Shrek's going to die. -Donkey, I'm ok. You can't do this to me Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head ???. -Does anyone
know how to handle... -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Ok, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of the Donkey. Now, you hold still and I'll yank this thing out. -Hey! Easy with the yanking. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. No, no. It's tender. What you're doing here is the opposite... -Don't move. -Ok, look. Time out. -Would you... Ok. What do you propose we do? Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't colorblind. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Hold on, Shrek. I'm coming! Not good. Ok, ok, I can lose it. It's just about it. Nothing happened. We were just a... Look if you want to be alone, all you had to do is ask, ok? Oh, come on. That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just... Au! Hey, what's that? Is that... There it is, princess. -Your future awaits you. -That's Duloc? Yeah. I know. You'll shrink things lord Farquaad is compensating for something, which I think needs, he has a I guess we better move on. Sure, but Shrek... -I'm worried about Donkey. -What? I mean. Look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -Well, that's what they always say. And the next thing you know you're on your back. -Dead! -You know she's right. You look awful. -Do you want to sit down? -You know, I'll make you up some tea. Well, I won't say nothing, but I've got this twinge in my neck. And if I turn my neck like this, look. Au, see? -He's hungry. I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. Hey, where are you going? Oh man, I can't feel my thumbs. I don't have any thumbs!!! I think I need a hug. This is good. This is really good. -What is this? -Wheat rat. -Rotisserie style. -No kidding. -Oh, this is delicious. -Well, they also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean wheat rat stew. I guess I'll be dining a little different late tomorrow night. Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toast, soup fish, eye tartar. You name it. I'd like that. -Ah... , princess? -Yes, Shrek? I'm a.... I was wondering. Are you... a... Are you gonna eat that? Man, isn't this romantic. Just look at that sunset. Sunset?! Oh, no. It's late. It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's going on here. You're afraid of the dark. Aren't you? Yes, yes. That's it. That's, I'm terrified. You know I'll better go inside. But don't feel bad, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark too. Until... Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. -Good night. -Good night. Ahh. Now I really see what's going on here. Oh, what are you talking about. Hey I don't wanna even hear. Look, I'm an animal and I got instincts. And I know that you two are digging on each other. I can feel it. Oh, you're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the fairemones. Just go in there and tell her how you feel. There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that... well you know. I'm not saying that I do, 'cause I don't. She's a princess and I'm... ...an Ogre. Yeah, an Ogre. -Hey, where are you going? -To get more firewood. Princess. Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? Princess? It's very spooky in here and are we playing little games. -No, no. -Help! Shrek! Shrek! -No. -Shrek! -It's ok. It's ok. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, shhh. I'm the princess. -It's me, in this body. -Oh my god. You ate the princess. -Can you hear me? -Donkey! Listen, keep breathing. I'll get you out of there! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! This is me. Princess? What happened to you? You're a... different. -I'm ugly, ok? -Yeah. Was it something that you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats were a bad idea. -You are what you eat, I say. -No. I've been this way as long as I can remember. What do you mean? Look, I've never seen you like this before. It only happens when the sun goes down. By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm until you find true love's first kiss. Then, take love's true form... -Oh, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's the spell. When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible ugly beast. I was placed in a tower to await the day when my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry lord Farquaad tomorrow, before the sun sets and he sees me, like this? All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Wait, wait, I'll not lie, you are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7. But Donkey, I'm a princess. And this is not how a princess is meant to look. Princess. How about if you don't marry Farquaad? I have to. Only my true love's kiss can brake the spell. But you know,
you're kind of an Ogre. And Shrek... Well you've got a lot in common. Shrek? Princess, I... How is it going first of all? Good? Good for me to. I'm ok. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty. And, well, I don't really like it, but I thought you may like it, because you're pretty. But I like you anyway. A.... I'm in trouble. Ok, here we go. Who could ever love a piece so hideous and ugly? Princess and ugly don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek, but only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. Well, at least you've got tell Shrek the truth. No, no. You can't breathe the word. No one must ever know. What's the point of being unable to talk? You got to keep secrets. Promise you won't tell. Promise! You know, before this is over, I'm going to need whole lot of serious therapies. All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. Look at my eye twitching. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. I tell him not. I tell him! Shrek! Shrek! There's something I want ... Shrek. Are you all right? Perfect. Never been better. I... There's something I have to tell you. You don't have to tell me anything, princess. I heard enough last night. -You've heard what I said? -Every word. I thought you'd understand? Oh, I understand! Like you said, who could love a hideous, ugly beast! -I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah, well, it does. Ah, right on time. Princess. I brought you a little something. What I missed? What I missed? -Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over. Very well, Ogre. The deed to your swamp. Cleared out as agreed. Take it and go. Before I change my mind. Forgive me princess for startling you, but you startled me. For I've never seen such a radiant beauty before. -I am lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no... forgive me my lord for I was just saying short... farewell. Oh. That is so sweet. You don't have to raise good manners on the Ogre. -It's not like it has feelings. -No. You're right. It doesn't. Princess Fiona, beautiful fair flawless Fiona, I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make... Excellent! I'll start the plans for tomorrow we wedd... No! I mean I... Why wait? Let's get married today. Before sunset. Oh, anxious are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do. There is the camera, the cake, the band, the guests... Captain! Round up some guests. Farewell Ogre. Shrek, what are you doing? You let her get away. -Yeah, so what. -Shrek. There's something about her that you don't know. -I talked to her last night. She's... -Yeah I know you talked to her last night. You're great pal, aren't you? Now, if you two are such good friend, why didn't you follow her home? -Shrek. I want to go with you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone. My swamp, me and nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But. I thought... -Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong. Shrek. Donkey? What are you doing? I was thinking of all the people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. Well, yeah. But the wall supposed to go around my swamp. Not through it. It is around your half. See? That's your half and this is my half. Oh, your half? Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head -Back off! -No. You back off! -This is my swamp. -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go! -Stubborn jackass. -Smelly Ogre. Fine! Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you, yet. -Well, I'm through with you! -Well, you know. You were always me, me, me. Well, guess what? Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me, you insult me, you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? Because that's what friend do. They forgive each other! Oh, yeah. You're right Donkey. I forgive you for stabbing me in the back! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy. You're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away. -See? There you are, doing it again. Just like you did it to Fiona. And all she ever do, was like you. Maybe even love you. Love me? She said I was ugly! A hideous creature. -I heard that you two were talking. -She wasn't talking about you. She was talking about... ...somebody else. She wasn't talking about me? Well then, who was she talking about? No way, I'm not saying anything. You won't listen to me, right? Right? -Donkey. -No! Ok, look. I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big stupid, ugly Ogre. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's the friends are for, right? -Right. -Friends? -Friends. So? What did Fiona said about me? Why are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her. The wedding! We'll never make it in