Building an outdoor smoke house

In astrology, Saturn often gets a bad rap, seen as the harbinger of challenges and limitations. However, this reputation overlooks Saturn's vital role as the great teacher of the zodiac, a planet that fosters discipline, responsibility, and long-term growth. Understanding Saturn's influence in relocated charts and astrocartography can be a powerful tool for personal development.
Relocated Chart and Saturn’s Influence
When you relocate, your chart shifts, bringing different facets of your life into focus. Saturn in your relocated chart can offer valuable insights into areas where you might face challenges, but also where you can build resilience and achieve long-term success. For instance:

• Saturn in the 2nd House: Highlights the need for disciplined financial planning.
• Saturn in the 3rd House: Encourages structured communication and serious learning.
• Saturn in the 7th House: Suggests a focus on forming enduring and responsible relationships.

Astrocartography and Saturn Lines
Astrocartography, which maps planetary lines across the globe based on your birth chart, allows you to explore how different locations might impact your life. Saturn lines, in particular, can be profoundly transformative:
Saturn IC Line – Emotional Foundations (4th House Themes):

• Living under a Saturn IC line can solidify your sense of home and emotional security. It's about taking responsibility for family matters and building a stable home life.

Saturn Ascendant Line – Personal Identity (1st House Themes):

• Along this line, Saturn can shape your personal identity and body with discipline, making it an excellent place for self-improvement and developing maturity.

Saturn Descendant Line – Partnerships (7th House Themes):

• This line can bring stability and seriousness to your personal and business relationships, emphasizing the need for mutual respect and long-term commitment.

Saturn MC Line – Career Growth (10th House Themes):

• A Saturn MC line can enhance your professional life, offering opportunities for career advancement through hard work and perseverance.

Saturn’s Misunderstood Role
Contrary to popular belief, Saturn is not a "bad" planet. Its energies are about maturation and wisdom. Saturn’s influence, though often demanding, teaches patience, responsibility, and the value of hard work. The challenges it brings are not punishments but opportunities for growth.
In both relocated charts and astrocartography, Saturn's influence can guide you towards significant personal development. It's about embracing the discipline and lessons Saturn offers, turning challenges into stepping stones for success. Understanding and working with Saturn, rather than fearing it, can open doors to lasting achievement and fulfillment.
So, if you're considering a move or simply exploring your astrological potential, give Saturn its due respect. It might just be the key to unlocking your most structured, disciplined, and successful self.

I’ve always preferred animals over people. Doesn’t matter what kind. If someone were to ask me if I was a dog person or a cat person, I’d probably answer both. It’s just that animals don’t lie, they kind of just do everything at face value. Humans though, they lie all the time. They can seem like your best friend until the moment they betray you. Animals don’t do that though. They didn’t.
My first pet was a fish. Just your garden variety guppies that every parent gets their kids if they are looking for the special connection only pets can give but don’t want to put in too much effort. They were basic, but they were mine. I loved them from the moment I got them until they eventually had to be buried in the backyard. They would be the first in a long line of burials.
My obsession with pets didn’t really affect me until I moved out into my own house. Before that, my parents had limited the number of animals I could have. A single-family dog, a couple of guinea pigs, a bird. It was frustrating but I understood their perspective, not everyone can take care of as many things as I do. When I moved out of the house to attend veterinary school, I prioritized finding a place that allowed pets. It wasn’t easy, most landlords might’ve said they allowed pets but after a while, they eventually evicted me due to how many I took in. It was a couple of years of bouncing around rental properties without enough money to afford my own house before I found Liz.
Liz was maybe the only person who I enjoyed for company other than my parents. I might’ve even thought of her as a sort of grandma. I found her through the usual websites, advertising a one-bedroom house that was apparently pet-friendly. It was a nice property, big enough to host my needs and strangely within my price range. When I showed up for the tour, I hadn’t expected the old lady that greeted me. All the messages I had sent portrayed the idea of a young woman, but Liz was somewhere in her 80s. She never let her age hold her back though and she always told you what she thought. I think that’s why I liked her. When I let her know, I wasn’t your average pet-owner I thought she would deny my application, but all she said was that if I kept the house clean, it didn’t matter what kind of zoo I was running.
It didn’t take me long to make that statement come true. I had secured a steady stream of income a while ago to pursue my obsession so as soon as I moved in and paid the first and last months rent, I began my search for pets. My first was a local dog I had found at an adoption center, Newt. He was a small terrier breed who had been living on the street that I had been watching for a while. So, as soon as everything was settled, I adopted him. He was so cute. Next was a bird that a classmate of mine had been looking to part with, a macaw named Orville. My classmate knew about my peculiarities and had no trouble parting with Orville for a couple hundred dollars.
The pattern continued for a bit. I got some geckos, twelve snakes, two bunnies, a chinchilla, a parakeet, around seven cats, a guinea pig, three more dogs, a donkey, two pigs, and chickens that I kept in the backyard. Still, even with all my pets I loved them all equally. I resorted to buying a cheaper alternative to my usual pet food from a website online to stay within my budget. And I obviously kept my promises to Liz, working every night to clean the house and yard. It was manageable but still difficult, but it didn’t matter. I loved them, and they loved me, so I didn’t care about the cleaning. But then it started to go bad.
I think it started when my rabbits first gave birth. I swore they had been spayed but when I came home from work and the litter was hopping around my house, I thought I had simply made an error. Nevertheless, I adapted. I bought a bigger pen for the rabbits and had to clean a little more, but nothing major. Then it was my dogs. Six new puppies that I had to take care of in my already full house. Still, I couldn’t bear to give them away. I thought I had made another error and that they were my responsibility. So, I kept them. I had to sell my couch to make space for them, and the money from that helped with ordering some new food.
It was when I counted twelve extra snakes in one of my terrariums that I began to suspect my new pets weren’t merely me forgetting. It was the terrarium that housed a pair of my corn snakes, I had owned them for a long time and knew that they couldn’t reproduce. They were both male after all. But when I came home, there were twelve new corn snakes in the terrarium, all slithering on top of each other and roiling in a mass of scales. It also occurred to me that I had never seen any eggs, and for that matter, my previous pets had never been pregnant. It was impossible.
After housing my new snakes in a different terrarium, and sacrificing my dining room table’s surface for more storage space, things started to snowball. At the end of the week, the number of pets I owned had now quadrupled. Even pets that had previously been alone in their spaces now had seemingly reproduced miraculously. Every single inch of my house was now full of terrariums, cages, and kennels. With the small walkways I allocated for myself being layered in feces and shedding. I had even completely lost access to the upper floor of the house, where I had been previously storing the ever-growing horde of rats until I decided that just locking rooms was going to suffice.
It was at this point that the behaviour of my pets also started to change. With the sudden influx of pets, I no longer had enough money to feed all of them. My manager also fired me around this time. I had been staying late in hopes of getting more money, but my performance had been slacking. My hygiene also might’ve come into play. Whatever the case, I couldn't buy any more of the pet food, at least not enough to feed all of the animals I now housed. This didn’t seem to be too much of an issue for them though.
My house became a jungle, each pet hunting the other and reproducing to expand its own territory in the awful suburban wilderness that was previously my house. I even noticed that some of my pets were now eating their children, subsisting off the seemingly endless tide of new descendants. I also felt my pets’ eyes turning towards me. First was Newt, my first puppy. I had been sleeping next to him during this whole disaster, trying to calm myself with his presence. I awoke screaming after feeling him sink his teeth into my hand, trying to rip a piece out of it. In that moment of hesitation, not wanting to hurt Newt, he was successful. I felt two of my fingers tear off my right hand, then saw Newt swallow them whole. I tried to get out of my house but in my commotion, I tripped over a cage containing some cats that I didn’t remember getting. Still, they spared no time pouncing on my back and ripping at my skin. That’s how I lost my ear and gained the first of my scars on my back. I eventually got through the small passageways of my house, squeezing myself between my pets even as they bit and scratched at my flesh.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench that night. I didn’t have any money to afford a hotel room and no friends, let alone any that would let me couch surf. It wasn’t a great sleep though. I was startled awake by every passing bird or squirrel; I swore that they also wanted to take a piece of me.
It was a month before I went back to my house. I didn’t even want to go back. I wanted to leave it all behind me. But I had nothing, and I needed at least some form of ID if I wanted to get my life back together. It was dark when I finally arrived, the streetlights had broken, leaving it shrouded in darkness when compared to the other houses on the street. That wasn’t the only thing though. The grass was long and unkempt enough that I thought any number of snakes or mice could be hiding, waiting to snap at my ankles. The windows were dark as well, I don’t even want to think about what was slathered all over the inside.
The strangest thing of all was how quiet it was. Even when I noticed that the front door was slightly ajar, I didn’t hear a sound from inside the house but I could feel a hot air pushing out from the house. It almost felt like it's mouth. I slowly made my way through the hallways, feeling my way across the slick surfaces and having to position myself perfectly to fit through the toppled shelves and cages. I was crawling to where I thought I had left my phone and wallet when a sound cut through the silence. I was in what had previously been my living room when I heard the sound of tearing. Up ahead in my path, I noticed a darker shape in front of me, it was hunched over… something but I couldn’t exactly tell what. I strained my eyes forcing myself to see in the darkness.
It was another one of my dogs. One of the originals, I couldn’t remember her name. She looked different, ragged. She was missing pieces all over, her skin hanging off most of her body. I didn’t even know how it could be alive given its condition. It was what she stood over that made me scream though. It was what was left of Liz. There wasn’t a lot, it looked like most of her had been eaten by my animals. But I recognized her hair and the clothes that seemed too stylish for her. Before I could do anything else, the dog lunged at me, gnashing its remaining teeth at my face. I couldn’t move in the cramped space, with both of my arms pinned between the boxes. So, I headbutted it before it could get at me. Then I used my own teeth before I could even realize what I was doing. A part of my brain just went into its primal state. Fighting tooth and nail to keep myself alive. When I came too, I had won, notwithstanding the various chunks now missing from my face.
I kept pushing forward, deeper into my house. I tried to ignore that Liz’s remaining eye followed me as I crawled over her. It became hotter, as I kept squeezing through the narrow passages, with every cramped breath feeling wet as it entered my throat. When I finally entered what had been my bedroom, I could hardly breathe. The room was filthy, just filled with bones, fur, feathers, and whatever other leftovers remained that hadn’t been picked clean. I slithered my way towards the mattress where I could see my phone and wallet resting. I didn’t have a moment to celebrate as I triumphantly grasped my phone, as one of my rabbits scurried out of the pile of food bags and bones. Before I could react to the pain of it sinking its teeth in, I noticed the hundreds of eyes that were not watching me. Eyeing me as prey.
I remember the teeth and jumping out of the window before I went unconscious. When I awoke in the hospital it had been three days. A neighbour had called the police, and when they had entered the building animal control had to be called in. They questioned me about Liz’s death and why I had neglected so many pets, but I couldn’t provide them with any answers. Liz had gone to check up on the house when I hadn’t paid my rent only a couple of days before I went inside. I imagine I will be going to jail as soon as I am released from the hospital. Animal endangerment and manslaughter is my best guess. The nurses have been treating me for malnourishment, so it’ll only be a couple more days until I’m carted off somewhere. I was able to get access to my phone though and type this out. I just wanted people to understand what happened, and that I didn’t want to hurt my pets. That I loved them despite what you might hear.

Lengthy rant/ advice appreciated.
We’ve been married for 6 months. We have a 6 year old ( mine from a previous relationship), an 8 month old and I’m 18 weeks pregnant. His sex drive has always been a lot lower than mine but it’s been basically nonexistent since I was about 6 months pregnant with my daughter. Like I can bend over naked and play with myself and he still rejects me. I’ve lost ALL of the baby weight and more so it’s not like he’s struggling with my body being different. He doesn’t compliment me at all. I found him following only fans girls on instagram during the peak of all of this. He’s weird about his phone ( Snapchat notifications off because “ the boys chat is annoying”, closes out or avoids opening his social media messages and his texts in front of me and will go on candy crush or a news app until I walk away). And no I am not nosey I would never go through his phone but the behavior surrounding his phone is just weird. After my daughter was born, instead of supporting and backing me up with the boundaries I had in place ( don’t come over sick, wash hands, no kissing her, don’t put your fingers in her mouth… ya know the basic stuff) he started taking his families side and fighting me and mocking me over my boundaries. Would call me a germaphobe and roll his eyes and argue when I asked him to wash his hands after coming home from work( a cop, he touches nasty shit all day) or after going pee. Basically made me feel crazy for asking him and his family to practice basic hygiene practices around our newborn. He gets livid I don’t want our kids, mostly our daughter because my son isn’t his and he won’t fight me on what I want for him, at his moms house because she chain smokes in it. He says he grew up in that and is fine. Not even going to get into the issues with his mom. Our first date after our daughter was born I emphasized my need for time alone with him and told him if this was a friends event( red wings game) then I wouldn’t be going. He promised it would be us and sure enough his friends magically got last minute tickets. He won’t communicate shit and he’s pretty much been emotionally neglectful at this point( I’ve had full on panic attacks balling my eyes out and he just walks by me visibly annoyed and ignores me). Every time I bring up something that’s bothering me he turns it around on me. “I can’t do anything right. You’re so miserable this is why I hate being home. Being around you is miserable”. This entire time I’ve loved him through it and have been willing to work on things until about a month ago. Me and the baby had the flu Monday- Friday. Obviously I didn’t get to rest much because the baby needed me. I told him I would appreciate him being home during the weekend so I could rest and catch up on housework. Come Saturday( he worked all day that day)he asks if he can golf Sunday. He was planning on going to work at 7 am until golf at 3 then he had hockey after until around 10 pm. Of course I got annoyed because I asked him in advance to help out with the kids so I asked if he could stay home from hockey. Come day of he throws a temper tantrum and says I’m being ridiculous and I keep him on a tight leash etc…
I know I haven’t been completely perfect in our relationship but I’ve been actively working on the things he wants me to. I’ve been going to therapy to work on my problems. He does have redeeming qualities and I’ve been very patient with him because I know dads can experience postpartum depression and or anxiety. Ive brought up marriage counseling and he’s been pretty resistant. I’m in nursing school so I’ve only been working as a bartender 2 days a week. I can’t really pick up shifts because we have zero childcare options at this point that’s affordable. I understand he’s under stress being the sole financial provider. But I literally cannot take this anymore. I feel like I’m getting nothing out of this relationship besides help until I finish nursing school. I can’t pack up and leave because I’m due in October and graduate in December( yeah idk why I did this to myself). I think he’s recently picked up on me not caring anymore and he’s been super sweet and has been willing to try. . But I’m at the point where I’m not sure if I am anymore. I know marriage is hard but is it supposed to be this hard?

Alright, I'm confused!
I did have 2 x R310's and an R510, life was great, wireless was great. Wasn't the fastest speeds in the world, but latency was low and range was fantastic.
Then, I made the mistake of purchasing a single R550 to go in my shed when I build it, I had planned to replace an R310 with it, and use the R310 for the shed. Thats when I realized that the latest Unleashed firmware for the R310 doesn't support the R550. So, I'd have to replace both R310's. I got a good deal on another R550 and an R650, so I replaced all of my 10 series AP's
Right away, I noticed a significant reduction in range, especially outside. I posted on here, tweaked settings, got told my placement of AP's is bad (Yeahs not idea, but it worked, and its just how things worked out when I bought the house and added AP's) In the end I did add the R510 back into the mix, at the other end of my garage, which fixed my range issues since I had an extra AP.
Funny thing now, the R510 is the only stable AP... The latency spikes are through the roof on all of the R550's and R650's
Here is me pinging a device on the R510

Pinging 10.0.0.37 with 32 bytes of data: Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=2ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=2ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=1ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=2ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=3ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=4ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=1ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=1ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=1ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=1ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=3ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=4ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=2ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=3ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=1ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=1ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=1ms TTL=255 Reply from 10.0.0.37: bytes=32 time=1ms TTL=255 

I could go on forever like that, its rock solid over hours and hours
And here is a client, a Macbook Pro in this case, on an R650

Pinging 10.0.0.100 with 32 bytes of data: Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=2ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=28ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=59ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=3ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=58ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=67ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=3ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=88ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=4ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=68ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=4ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=3ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=4ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=3ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=83ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=613ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=115ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=24ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=4ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=114ms TTL=64 Reply from 10.0.0.100: bytes=32 time=30ms TTL=64 

It doesn't seem to matter if its my main WLAN or my IoT WLAN, and it doesn't matter which other AP, all the XX50 series AP's do this. 2 are powered from a Dell X1052P, and the R510 and another R550 are powered from a Cisco 2960-S which does PoE+
Networking otherwise is rock solid, of course pinging devices on the wired network, or the AP itself, yields consistant sub 1ms results
I've spent all day tweaking settings, and for the life of me I cannot get these latency spikes to go away at all. Does anyone have any suggestions?
I tried to disable wifi 6, no change, enable arp-proxy, no change, changed to 40mhz channel width, no change, changed from optimized for performance to compatibility, no change
Would love any ideas! The fact only the R510 is unaffected is baffling me

Honorable Judge Charlotte l, am I the a hole because I don’t want my in laws babysitting? I am a new mom to a 5 month old. My partner is also a new parent. I stay at home with our baby and have a side hustle I have been doing long before I was pregnant related to my field of work. My parents have been the go to baby sitters when I need a sitter. Recently my partners family have been bringing up that they don’t see the baby enough. They see her at least once a week with me present. My parents see her more but this isn’t information that has been shared with my in laws. My in laws watched her for maybe the second time ever this weekend. I am not comfortable with them being regular baby sitters. Here is why: There has been instances in the past where my FIL has deliberately crossed my boundaries with the baby such as kissing her when I had made it clear that was not ok. That finally stopped only after a whole ordeal that involved a big argument. Then there is the fact that they smoke. They don’t do it in the house anymore but they still smell like smoke as does the house. I want to reduce her time around that obviously. Third, they have a large dog I do not trust. The dog is treated like a baby and doesn’t always obey. I am an animal person. We have a small friendly dog that is obedient and is not left unsupervised with the baby. My partner and his family have too much confidence in the dog that nothing could ever happen. The fact of the matter is, there is no room for error with big dogs. People like to call chihuahuas (which my small dog is not) Aholes and maybe they aren’t as nice as the average large dog. But if a chihuahua bites a child it isn’t a fatal accident like it would be if my in-laws dog bit my child.
I would like to compromise by allowing them to watch her once a week, as needed, at our house but my partner says they will not do that. I think that’s on them if they don’t want to come to our house to see her. I’m not sure why we have to come to them. Babysitting her is a privilege not a necessity in my opinion. I don’t really NEED a babysitter. I ask my parents to watch her to do things I want to do or would be easier to do without a baby but it isn’t a requirement for us. So what do you think? AITHA?

I just bought a new build house 6 months ago. It’s considered a luxury home in a historic district. My builder is sort of a shithead, naturally, so I try to fix things myself before going to him because it’s like pulling teeth. (Providing that context because I know people will tell me to have this fixed under my builder warranty.)
The issue is they cut the PVC condensate pipe from our water heater so that it’s flush with the side of the house. Water is dripping down the side of the house and I worry about damage to the foundation and brick. This is what it looks like.
How can I extend this pipe, since it’s flush with the wall? If I had an inch or two I’d get an elbow and extender and stick it on for $5. But I have nothing to work with.

A stray cat jumped in my car one morning leaving for work back in October 2023. I got her vaccinated so I can let her inside my house and meet my [moms] dog. Vet said she was about 1 year old. She was an indoooutdoor cat with me until one day I noticed she was pregnant in January 2024.
I took her to get spayed in February 2024, after her surgery I took care of her indoors, we grew a close bond and she’s been inside ever since. My mom works from home so my cat is used to having a person [and dog] around while im at work.

• Our landlord is selling the house so we’re moving this weekend. Mom and I will be parting ways to different apartments.

I read that getting a second cat is hit or miss due to the territorial aspect but I don’t want my cat to get depressed by being home alone when I JUST got her used to being indoors less than 4 months ago. Any advice on how to acclimate a second cat or any other ideas would be appreciated.
-Concerned new cat mom

There is a line in my patriarchal blessing, pronouncing that I have been given the gift of discernment in all things. That I could know right from wrong in any situation and what God really wants in any situation I find myself in. Pretty awesome, eh?
Now, I'm not perfect and don't know everything, but I would imagine my gift of discernment would be similar to say that a Bishop may have for his ward? Or missionaries, maybe?
I got to see the value of this "gift" recently -
My inlaws both retired themselves, recently took a trip to Utah to visit my wife's 98 year old grandmother. When they arrived at the assisted living facility she lives at, they found she no longer lived there! Rather confused, they went looking for her.
A bit panicked, they asked at the reception desk where she was, only to be told she moved out a few days earlier, while my inlaws were driving to Utah, taking a road trip and vacation along the way.
Turns out, she convinced the local bishop, missionaries, AND mission president she needed to be emergency moved back to her home.
This "emergency move" lead to her living in her home for a few days with her son, who also was supposed to be in an alcoholic recovery program my inlaws had recently paid for, and had convinced his "ministering brother" to give him a ride away from.
During this time, my wife's grandmother began sneaking ambien into her sons food because "he won't let me drive the car"
She then, without license (she is 98), would go driving - on her ambien as well.
This resulted in her driving her car into the side of a local bank building after telling a stranger she would give them her house and just needed the deed from said bank.
Now - we have, multiple priesthood holders - all blessed with varying levels of spiritual gifts - and not ONE person with this gift of discernment thought "hmm, maybe we should check with someone before just believing a 98 year old woman in an assisted living center needs to move to a home she can't care for. Doesn't that seem odd?
Maybe a "should we check with the facility, ask a family member, verify she is safe"?
Luckily, everyone is safe. People are back where they can be looked after properly and get real help. No real estate transactions took place.
But, I just can't shake the feeling that the gift of discernment is broken, but I don't know if there is a way to exchange it. Does anyone know?

So, I had to rent out my home as I moved away but I've just received the insurance renewal for building only, in an urban, safe environment, very low fire danger, close enough to get trades (even if still costly) and my insurance went up $700 for this year only....that's with a 25% no claim bonus and another 15% multi policy discount (apparently).
This seems completely absurd. I've used the sumsure calculator to review the building cost (costs more to rebuild than the place is worth by about $200k apparently), I already have a $5k excess and the calcs were for a basic build quality. I just don't get it.
How are places in the middle of suburbia becoming uninsurable due to the combined cost of these increases + increase council and interest rates +general cost of living. All I want to do is keep my home so I can hopefully move back one day and in the interim provide a home for a family to live but holy heck this is pushing me closer to the edge of it being financially unviable. I really feel for pensioners etc bc just having a paid off house is not enough now- you've got to have $$$$$$$ to pay for the basic coverage insurance and rates.

Party: Me, Fire Sorlock Tav 11/1 w/ prestigious juice build Brother, 8shadow monk/4rogue- he carries the psychic stone thing and summons a psychic blade with a ring concentration spell and does some huge single target DPS in fights
So the last two I’m considering doing a full respec but have been back and forth on what to do!
3) Shart Light Cleric- 1storm sorcerer and the rest light cleric, rocking all RadOrb gear and phalar aluve 4) Karlach 5barb/4rogue/3fighter champion TB throwing build- She got the +2 strength potion and also got +2 strength from Mirror, i missed the good throwing gloves from saving the guy in mushroom field but otherwise she’s pretty cracked, uses Nyrulna and dual wielding feat to have +3 initiative shield.
So we just entered act 3, and after some skirmishes to get to level 11 went straight to House of grief. Got the +2 mirror stats on all characters. I thought I had done everything right to bring all of our friends from Last Light Inn to act 3… did halsin quest, saved isobel in the Marcus fight, etc. so last thing of act 2 before fighting Ketheric was to go to Shar temple, and I wanted to get Shars spear because I was considering using it on Karlach for throwing in act 3… had NO idea killing nightsong would destroy last light inn so that sucked, so no Dammon in act 3. Also i failed to get potent robe. But OTHERWISE, i feel like I either have most important items for cool builds (or have access to them still in act 3)
Of Note- i have all of the Dark Justiciary Gear from killing shar and Viconia, but haven’t really ever seen an S tier build posted somewhere for how to build a character around that kit. Also, sometimes it has been hard to avoid hitting party members with Aoe damage from Nyrulna.
Option A) keep RadOrb Shart and TB Karlach for the rest of game and hope that’s enough. Probably would be?
Option B) some sort of Dark Justiciar build for Shart or Karlach. (Don’t care about an RP elements, either of them can be whatever class would be best, but the permanent bonuses they have gained are +2wis for shart and +4 str for Karlach)
Option C) I’ve stockpiled shit tons of arrows on this playthrough and have considered some sort of switch to a ranged character. I have dead shot and Titan string collecting dust at camp. I have helmet of arcane acuity and BMS not being used, I have diadem that gives arcane something not being used.
Option D) respec Karlach into Eldritch knight thrower? Not sure if she could make better use of items that way, and i don’t know if it would be superior to TB Barb thrower or more of a lateral move… but would dark justiciar gear be good on a 12 eldritch knight?
Or please recommend whatever else you think is good. Not sure if the Light Cleric RadOrb falls off in late game honor mode, and same with current Karlach build. Thanks for any discussion/advice. Note that if you are willing to take the time to offer suggestion, I will probably ask you for very specific details about the build and items, still fairly new, this is my second playthrough and first honor mode one. Hoping to bring it home

I'm an easygoing and friendly guy who loves spending time outdoors and exploring new places. Whether we're camping in the mountains, biking down rolling hills, or kayaking on a serene lake, I love being active and enjoying all the beauty around us. Hiking to waterfalls, ponds, lakes, or going on suspension bridge adventures are some of my favorite activities.
When I'm not outside, I enjoy trying new restaurants, traveling to new cities, and just relaxing with movies, and playing board & card games. I'm also fluent in American Sign Language (ASL) due to my deafness, which is an important part of my life.
I'm looking for a local woman who shares my love of adventure and who is also willing to learn ASL. But don't worry, I'm also great at using texting, writing notes, or using hand gestures to communicate, so we'll always be able to connect.
I believe in strong communication and building deep connections, and I'm looking for someone who shares similar values. If you're looking for a genuine, honest, and fun-loving guy, I'd love to hear from you.

Hello, all! I've been working for a while on this worldbulding concept for both an RPG campaign and a short novel following the adventures of three halfling private eyes in a high fantasy setting, and would like some feedback on both the concept and grammar (english is not my first language, so all pointers to improve readability are greatly appreciated).
My main doubts at this point: does this seem an overall appealing prologue to you? Does this make you interested in this world, and does it expose enough context to comfortably transition to a character-driven narrative of their first case in this setting?
Thank you in advance!
Prologue
In the Old Manor at the high end of Cobblestone Slant Road, there lived three Halflings of the Deftnose clan. Bellewyn, Edwyn, and Oswyn were their names, and all and sundry regarded the siblings as the best private eyes in the history of Overmeer and the world at large, as they were the first to conceive of making an honorable profession out of snooping around other people's business, pitching their sharp intellects against the ploys of spies, crooks, scammers, and thieves –in exchange for a modest fee, of course.
The following stories sum up a mostly reliable account of their wondrous exploits, which would be greatly embellished and sung as legends for generations to come, inspiring many to follow in their footsteps. But before we delve into said deeds, it's paramount to recall what the world was like back then, when the vast and empty continent across the Fair Seas had just started being properly settled by the peoples of Amaranth.
Unlike the inland colonies that would follow (formal territories of the old kingdoms subordinate to their values and justice systems), Overmeer, the first settlement of the New West, was founded as an independent city state by freelance pioneers who braved the difficult task of kickstarting civilization from scratch. That first race to the new lands attracted bold and valiant entrepreneurs, but also all kinds of scoundrels.
Those pioneers included humans and elves, dwarves, halflings and gnomes, and even the widely villainized orcs and goblins, eager to leave behind a land ravaged by war and entangled in centuries-old, now senseless quarrels. This colorful assembly of cultures, however, made it difficult to find consensus on what should be the laws of Overmeer, resulting in an extensive, contradictory, and ever-changing tapestry of lax regulations filled with loopholes, enforced by a Militia whose understanding of justice greatly varied depending on the individual's roots and origin.
As such, shortly after 200 years from the start of immigration, Overmeer had already grown to rival the capitals of Amaranth in wealth and glory, but also far surpassed them in sheer volume and sophistication of corruption.
Nonetheless, Overmeer's permanent open ports policy made it one of the main trade hubs in the world, and its binding status of neutrality towards the old continent's nations promoted it into a natural seat for embassies of all banners, where the disputes of the Old East could be negotiated far from the heightened passions surrounding the epicenters of traditional power. All wars start and end in Overmeer, as the saying goes.
It's in this cauldron of worldly culture, bustling trade activity and dangerous political affairs that the Deftnose siblings seized the opportunity to establish their practice: taking advantage of the law that dictates that every profession is entitled a to representative guild and an office in the Old Manor, they create the career of private investigator seemingly as a clever means to get themselves free, luxury housing; pressed into proving this strange new business is not a scam, however, they soon start taking cases and building their reputations.
At the time, Overmeer had a diverse population of half a million people, most of whom were workers who lived in the crammed Red Districts surrounding the harbor, so-called because of the hue of the redheart wood used for its construction and the dust that rises from its beaten dirt paths. Atop a hill sat the walled High Town, built of beautifully sculpted and vividly painted limestone, home to merchants, priests, scholars and ambassadors, the city warden, and their secretaries and deputies.
From their office windows on the third floor of the Old Manor, just beside the bronze gate that separates the rich from the poor, Bellewyn, Edwyn, and Oswyn had a privileged view of both sides of Overmeer, and went on to peek deep into the core of this exciting new world as they unraveled the now-famous mysteries of their tale.

Heya! I'm looking for that someone who's excited to hear from me and I'm excited to hear from, someone I can talk to casually and be good friends with and also tell lots of sweet nothings to and build a forever relationship.
I just recently turned 31 and started a new job last year that I moved for, the job has the option for relocation eventually but I'm probably stuck where I'm currently at for about 4-5 years. My primary hobby is gaming. I play lots of different games but my most frequented games are probably ARPGs, but I'm playing an old MMO right now too. I'm open to playing most any co-op game and I'm always open to suggestions. I love listening to music and I'm almost always listening to something, my music tastes vary quite drastically but my favourite genres are trance, house, I love indie/folk rock, liquid drum and bass, and really most anything. Not the biggest rap fan, but I'll listen to it occasionally depending on the mood I'm in. Some of my favourite artists are Tinlicker, Above & Beyond, Porter Robinson, Young the Giant, The Strokes, Glass Animals, I've recently been listening to a bunch of Post Malone, Of Monsters and Men, Foster the People, Two Door Cinema Club, Phoenix, a youtube channel called MrSuicideSheep that makes tons of mixes and probably a lot of other stuff I can't think of right now. As the summer approaches I'm looking at going out and doing a bit more camping in the area I live in and I'm thinking about investing into a telescope I can take out on the go and look at the different stars, galaxies, and whatever else the night sky has to offer. I have a pretty open mind and am willing to try most things at least once. I love lots of other nerdy things too, my favourite movie series are any of the studio ghibli films, Spirited Away specifically being probably my number one. I've played DnD a number of times and always have fun doing it, I love board games and other tabletop experiences with friends when I can get together with people! I'm open to calls occasionally, online movie dates, just hanging out and enjoying each others company while we either do something together or are just around one another really whatever happens! I'm pretty flexible.
I'm looking forward to hearing from whoever, you don't have to be in the same time zone or anything, although I am in MST! Let me know your favourite pokemon, mine is Jigglypuff. Here's a few pictures of me, you don't have to send a picture right away but I'd love to see who I'm chatting with eventually. https://imgur.com/a/fHDaN58

They may or may not be effective, I'm not sure as I ended up not using their services, but to me it felt like their sales/business practices were dishonest/ethically in the gray area, so I've decided to share my experience with my fellow Kansas Citians.
I had one of their sales reps turn up on my doorstep the other night. He claimed to be in the neighborhood giving an estimate to a neighbor's house, and since he was planning on coming back in a few days to treat the neighbor's, he would also gladly treat mine at a discount. He pointed out a small wasp nest on my front porch (honestly a smart sales tactic, although I'm sure they train their reps to look for nests when going door to door), so that put me in the mindset that I could use some pest control help.
He went through a quick spiel about a quarterly treatment plan, had me sign some things on his iPad, and went on his way. I went inside and started doing some research on the company. The more I thought about it and the more research I did, some red flags jumped out at me:

1. There are a bunch of reviews online of people saying they had a rep tell them the exact same thing my rep told me: That I was getting a discount because he was already nearby working on a neighbor's house. In hindsight, that was probably bullshit, but if it were true, it doesn't make sense from a business standpoint. Why would they give me a discount instead of my neighbor? If that were actually the case, then they would be shafting the customers that brought them to the neighborhood in the first place. My neighbor was the first guy to call them, so he doesn't get the $200 discount (if it were true that they actually were treating my neighbor).
   
2. It should have been a huge red flag when the rep had me sign a contract, but I didn't really think anything of it at the time. The contract locks you in for 2 years, and you have to pay a $200 cancellation fee if you want to stop service at any time outside of the 2 year period. Luckily, there is a law in most states requiring door to door sales contracts to have a 3 day cancellation period, during which I could cancel services without being charged anything. I actually found an article saying that they were required to add the 3 day cancellation section into their contract by the Michigan Attorney General (not sure if MO/KS has the same law, but that section was still in my contract). Also, this 3 day cancellation period was never mentioned to me, I had to find it myself when I went through the contract later.
   
3. I quickly decided that I didn't want to be locked into a 2 year pest control contract because I made a snap decision based on a small wasp nest that I could easily remove myself, so I went about attempting to take advantage of the 3 day cancellation period. But you can't cancel any services using their website. I ended up calling their customer service line the first thing the next morning to cancel, and the customer service rep says that it's company policy to transfer me to the sales rep before I cancel. So I have to talk to the sales rep again, and he offers me an even more discounted rate (confirming that he wasn't trying to get me the best value in the first place. Not surprised though), but he eventually cancelled the service. Just to be safe, I removed all info from my online account prior to cancelling.
   

So, it seems like EcoShield's sales strategy is to go door to door in a neighborhood, claim to already be there for a neighbor, which is meant to build trust. They then offer you a discount that I guess your poor neighbor isn't getting, and push you through until you've signed a contract locking you into 2 years of pest control service, which requires you to pay $200 to cancel if you don't cancel within 3 days. Then in order to cancel, you have to call customer service during business hours and haggle with the sales rep once again.
To me this seems rather dishonest and a little slimy. I did not enjoy dealing with this company, so my hope is that if any of you guys run into EcoShield in the wild, you'll know more about them as a company than I did, and that you won't have to deal with the same headaches that I had to.
(Also kind of ironic that a company claiming to eradicate pests is sending out door to door salesmen)

While many people hated the Chainsaw Man Church Arc build up, I enjoyed it a lot. But what ill agree with is that lots of the tension was changed with Quanxi appearing and 1 shotting. Even now during the facility arc where she doesn't have trouble fighting Yoru.
Shoutout to u/SherewZino. Read their post and really agreed with most of their points.
Chainsaw Man Arc Rewritten
Quanxi Arrives

1. Quanxi still kills everyone and the events continue until the Chainsaw man guys wake up

Yoshida ambushes Yoru

1. It's a POV switch to the Yoru and Yoshida and continuous how it's supposed to with Yoru preparing to go on a rampage cause she's overjoyed by her new power.

Denji vs Barem Part 1

1. Following Yoshida and Yoru, the narrative circles back to Barem, Denji, Fumiko, and Nayuta. Barem begins his psycho speech again, engaging all three of them into a brutal fight. Aided by Fumoko, Denji fights Barem. Denji is surprised he is fighting in his base form. Barem in his internal thought sees that the Chainsaw Man plan is working and is powering Denji up. However, the situation escalates with Barem transforming into his flamethrower form, becoming a threat to both Fumiko and Denji. As the battle intensifies, Barem relentlessly taunts Denji to transform so he could witness the full power of Chainsaw Man.
   
2. Kishibe, alongside Quanxi, arrives at the scene. During the Quanxi ambush against the 3 fiends, Kishibe was actually there at the food court eating. Kishibe orders Quanxi to evacuate the 3, then shares a brief yet impactful message with Denji about balancing his human and Chainsaw Man side. Flamethrower form Barem vs Kishibe begins with Kishibe having the upper hand most of the fight. Knowing Kishibe is about to destroy him, Barem resorts to a big fire blast to escape, leaving Kishibe heavily injured. From the distance Yoru notices this fire blast and begins heading this way. Yoshida who happens to arrive here cause has been running this whole time sees Kishibe and takes him to safety.
   

Yoru vs Quanxi (Rip Quanxi)

1. Continuing the narrative, Fumiko, Denji, Quanxi, and Nayuta talks among themselves for a bit before suddenly encountering Yoru. Yoru tells them "What a surprise here" while Denji gives a puzzled look thinking why Asa is there and looks different. Yoru says, "Someone among you smells like Chainsaw Man" then suddenly launches herself at them but her attack is blocked by Quanxi. The other 3 runs away leaving Quanxi behind to fight Yoru
   
2. As Quanxi's life flashes before her eyes, memories of Kishibe floods her thoughts, thinking how Makima stopped those two from being a thing. The scene reaches its climax as Yoru ends Quanxi's life by putting her hand on her head and transforming her into a overpowered bow.
   

Alley Way

1. Now we're with Denji, Nayuta, and Fumiko. We get the exact same alley scene where Fumiko ends up running from Denji because of Nayuta.

Burning House

1. This part goes like how it did in the main story where Denji and Nayuta arrives to their home burning. Fumikos team arrives and starts shooting barem. However, they get interrupted by Miri and the two other fiends.

Denji vs Miri and two other fiends

1. Denji mentally breaks down like the main story and he begins tearing up the 3 fiends. The first two gets low diffed while Barem cheers on the side lines how he finally saw Denji transformed. Fumiko ends up shooting him making him shut up. Miri clashes with Denji in a stand off shocked by how aggressive and broken Denji is and says "Denji...", where Denji ends up slicing him in half.

Denji vs Fumiko

1. In the moment of rage, Denji seeks for another target. He sees Fumiko and her team and begins attacking them. Denji kills nearly all of Fumikos team but before the last one, Fumiko protected her last team member and tells him to run away. While running away, that person takes a photo of Denji and gets away. This fight continous on but Fumiko is no matched for Denji. Finally, instead of resisting Chainsaw Man any further, Fumiko lets herself get stabbed through the stomach. Using the last moment of her life, she pats Denjis head and says, "Thank you for saving me... Denji". Miri who is on the floor witnessing all of this screams Fumikos name.
   
2. Fumiko wakes up in the after life and sees her parents again.
   

Nayuta saves Denji (The Power saving Denji of Part 2)

1. Denji begins hyperventilating realizing he killed Fumiko cause he let Chainsaw Man takeover. Using this opportunity, Barem makes the Chainsaw soldiers attack him. The story continous like the main part with how it was supposed too and it ends up with Nayuta saving Denji then getting shot by Barem.
   
2. Instead of ending up at the hospital, Denji is at a garbage can then is saved by Nail and Katana.
   
3. Denji finally wakes up but out of nowhere Katana Man kicks his balls! Denji realizes he's in a room with the two students, Katana Man, and Nail. He ends up breaking down and saying where's Nayuta and that he has to go but Nail stops him and shows him the news. The news broadcasts the last devil hunter, protected by Fumiko, who captured the image of Denji's battle, labeling Chainsaw Man as a societal menace warranting eradication. Just as tension mounts, a knock echoes through the door, revealing the ominous presence of none other than Yoru. She says, "I know Chainsaw Man is here." (Due to the smell)
   

Denji vs Yoru (The Aki vs Denji of Part 2)

1. Approaching the door, Denji is hit by sudden trauma, haunted by visions of Aki waiting for him on the other side. Then suddenly a Yoru blast the door, desotring the building and sending Denji flying. Nail and Katana Man protects Kobeni and the Chainsaw Man fan from most of the damage.
   
2. The Chainsaw Man fanboy student tries to think why Yoru would even smell Chainsaw Man there then finally drawing to the conclusion tnat Denji is Chainsaw Man. We get a panel of where it's zoomed into the broken rubble and out of nowhere... a transformed Denji jumped out
   
3. Yoru and Chainsaw Man clashes. Yoru mid diffs the fight but the way she ends it is by taking out the transformed Quanxi bow leaving Denji stunned for a second cause he realizes Yoru killed Quanxi where finally he is shot by a big blast through his body, leaving him fatally injured.
   
4. Before Yoru lands the final blow on Chainsaw Man, Denji goes back to human form because he's out of blood causing Yoru to hesitate. We are left with a cliffhanger of Yoru transforming back to Asa and her saying, "Denji?"
   
5. Fami arrives completely stopping the fight
   

Trying to make Denji Happy

1. From here we get a continuation of the last 3 chapters up to the current of where they're just talking and making jokes where we are transitioning into public safety, Chainsaw Man zombies, and society vs Denji and the gang arc.
   
2. Eventually Denji and the gang is spotted by a public safety hunter and it gets reported back to the base where Yoshida, strong public safety members, Miri and the two other fiends join him. (Miri joins because he didn't like how Fumiko died)
   

Public Safety vs Team Denji

1. Finally we transition into Public Safety vs Denji Team Arc where during this arc a Miri vs Denji clash happens and many more. The climax of this arc is Public Safety + team Denji team up defeats a boosted Barum who finds a way to take Nayutas powers and the Chainsaw Man zombies. The arc ends with Nayuta killing Barem once her powers comeback.

Transition to Chainsaw Man Part 3: Death Devil
Death Devil vs Team Part 1

1. Suddenly not having a break, Death Devil desceneds from the sky. Death Devil summons dead people Denji loved traumitizing Denji (Dead power, Makima, Aki, etc...). Death Devil kills off some Public Safety Members, Nail, Katana, Whip and Spear,

Hell

1. Fami sends Denji, the crew, Miri, and some public safety members to hell to hide from death devil. Denji who is traumitized by seeing all the dead people remembers Powers wish and begins finding the blood devil.
   
2. The crew now needs to escape hell but before escaping hell Fami wants to try to get the Primal Devils to help them. They go through fighting many Devils and finally arrived but out of nowhere it becomes dark again. Denji, Kobeni, and Power is traumitized because they remember Darkness Devil but Fami makes him come out and reveals all the Primal Devils seated around them.
   

(Kobeni returned during the Public Safety vs Team Denji arc to save her brother from Public Safety)

1. Fami talks to the Primal devils, it takes time to convince them because of what Fami did to Falling Devil.

Back to normal World

1. The crew heads back to the normal world to find it very different with Death Devil taken completely over. Seeing people jump off roofs, hurt their friends, etc... A lot of dead corpses from the past walk around the normal world.

Final Fight with Death Devil

1. Death Devil dies

List of deaths during the final arc against Death Devil
--4 Primals die leaving 2 left (Darkness was an impactful one)
--Kobeni makes a sacrifice for her little brother, giving him courage and transforming into a better version of Kobeni (Fujimoto wanted to kill her off before anyways)
--Miri: Miri and Denji ended up becoming best friends during the Public Safety vs Team Denji Arc. His death is a sacrifice for Denji where it complete impacts Denji
--Yoru: Sacrifices her soul to become a OP weapon for Asa
--New characters introduced during Part 3 and the Public Safety vs Denji arc
--Makima and Aki: Death Devil revived them to fight Denji but they gain their conciousness again. They help kill Death Devil but Death Devils death they had to disappear

1. Story ends

I’m using an Alt. My main would make this completely obvious.
My wife and I have completely switched gender roles, which I’m completely fine with. I’m fortunate to be self employed and do a majority of my work one day a week. I work in the wedding industry. My wife on the other hand, works in a corporate world as a project biller.
We have 2 daughters. The older daughter is a teenager from a previous relationship, and we share a toddler. I’m responsible for most of the housework and childcare. I do my best to clean, grocery shop, schedule appts, cook, and do bigger projects when asked (I’m generally running non stop). Our toddler was a never nap child and she has rarely ever fallen asleep before 10pm. I’m usually in charge of making sure she’s tidy and ready for bed, and if she needs any medicine.
During the week, I’m also doing paperwork and following up leads for my business. Phone calls, etc etc. anyone who is self employed, especially if it’s just them or a couple of people that they contract, know that it’s always a hustle to get more work.
My wife wakes up, and works from home, so she heads to her home office at about 8am, and then we see her for maybe lunch, and then dinner, and then maybe 10pm if we’re lucky. But by then, she’s irritable, frustrated, and drinking/smoking/420 until she goes to bed. She spends most of her free time on social media, typically TikTok, or looking at Zillow for a dream house, though we’re not exactly in the market.
Her career involves sending invoices and correcting hours etc for multiple companies, and it follows q30 close, quarterly close, and end of year close. It seems there is ALWAYS something that keeps her working 60-70 hours a week. Always.
I’m tired. I know she’s tired. But I’m tired of this entire existence with her. I’ve done everything in my power during/after Covid to make as much money as I could while working as few days/hours, so I could be there for our family. Our kids. She seems to be unwilling to change anything or figure out a solution to this issue that I have brought up with her a few times.
There’s a lot more to this, but to keep it concise: I can’t tell if this is the root cause or just a symptom. We don’t have a relationship. I honestly am indifferent to her existence, and it feels like that is completely reciprocated. There’s no effort on her end, with anything. I’ve suggested counseling, either together or separate. She refuses to even go to a regular doctor for some medical issues. I was told to stop buying flowers, even if it’s our toddler that wanted to buy them for her. I try to do a family trip to see my family who lives in another state, once or twice a year. She has been absent for every single one of them. It’s always close week, or something with work has come up, they’re implementing a new system, there’s a new trainee. There’s always something. She’s started to do the same thing with concerts, etc.
She’s not cheating because she doesn’t leave the house. Honestly, it’s like she’s both lazy and agoraphobic at the same time. Just work, self medicating, sleeping. And I’d say extreme emotional fragility. She’s crying once or twice a day, guaranteed. Doesn’t matter what I do, or what I’ve done, or if I’ve specifically done things to make everything easier for her. She’s crying because any number of things. If I sit and listen as a silent shoulder, crying. If I suggest plans to help with issues, crying. Try to be positive and take over another thing she needs help with? Yep. Crying.
She never wants to come up with ideas for activities for either us as a couple, or together as a family. Ideas lay with me.
I get frustrated because I see these videos about weaponized incompetence and how guys in general are just useless, and I agree. Generally speaking, a large percentage of men are just taking up space in a relationship and don’t contribute. But what happens when the gender roles are primarily swapped?
I can’t leave. She makes more than I do, and in this economy, I don’t make enough to support two on my own just yet. Divorce would destroy the toddler, and the teenager would be a wreck as well (even though she’s experienced insecurity before I won full custody).
How do I really reach my wife, for a real wake up call? We can’t do this anymore. I can’t. Or rather, what can I do to get into a better situation?

My parents are generally caring folks who have admittedly gone above and beyond for their three kids, more so than the vast majority of parents I think. But they aren't flawless and refuse to acknowledge their imperfections, some of which I deem as abusive. So tell me, Reddit, based of this list, are my folks abusive or not?
Had a small chair smashed over my head by Dad for getting into an argument with my sister.
Woken up in the middle of the night by Mum and had the living shit beaten in me in bed after she went through my phone and saw me exchanging mild terrorist jokes with my friend on WhatsApp.
Belted several times by Mum, such as for talking to two strangers about my personal life due to "Stranger Danger" when I was about 10.
Belted several times by Dad, such as for getting into arguments with my siblings.
Smacked in the head by Mum multiple times, such as for accidentally miswriting something on a homework report or being unable to tell the time in my preteens.
Pinched multiple times by either of my parents for various misdeeds, such as not wanting to take my shirt off during a family outdoor activity in the spring or innocently behaving inappropriately as a kid.
For various other misdeeds, I've been kicked, violently shaken like a rag doll, beaten with a wooden spoon, had something thrown at me, forced to kneel on the floor and raise my arms up in the air until told otherwise, made to stay outside the house in the wind wearing a shirt and shorts and I don't remember who said exactly, but I think I recall one of my folks threatening that they might not be able to control themselves if they're sufficiently pissed off.
If I showed a hint of resistance towards Mum's physical discipline by reflexively protecting myself, she'd guilt-trip me by saying, "So now's come the time when the son does the abusing, eh?" even though I would never and was nowhere to retaliating on Mum, only shielding myself. Even at age 21, when I confronted her about unwarranted physical discipline, she defended herself by claiming that I only focused on the negatives and never the positives of their parenting and she doesn't regret anything she ever did to me and that even if I was aged 24, she would still dole out the physical punishment if she wanted to. When I said I won't let her touch me, she once again asked me if this meant I was going to start beating her back. I said I'd never lay a hand on her nor had I even thought of doing so, it's just that I wouldn't let her touch me, that's it. She asked what if she were to throw a shoe at me, would I throw the shoe back at her and I said no, I'd just keep a distance from her and she lost all control and started berating me for being an ungrateful son, etc
Mum was continually interrupting my conversation with Dad over the phone, causing me to tell her that I'm trying to talk on the phone, but which she misinterpreted as me telling her to shup up or something, resulting in her immediately getting physical with me.
Mum was continuously making fun of something I wrote in a book, causing me to smack the book out of her hand in anger, which she beated me for and locked me up in my room.
Had Dad being angry and yelling at me to stop crying during shower time as he doused me with cold water (which I absolutely hated) when I was about 5-6 after we actually enjoyed a sweaty game of football with some local kids, which soured the experience for me and made me reluctant to play football outside again since the only way I could play was if I had either of my folks with me.
One summer vacation, we were at the beach in the sea, and Dad was trying to take me to the deeper levels despite me being very uncomfortable as I couldn't swim properly yet, resulting in me almost drowning when he left me to it.
In my later teens, Dad would frequently get me to help him out in incredibly strenuous activities which would often completely physically drain me, both at the house refurbishment and our up-and-coming shop, to the point where the neighbouring shopkeepers who saw how tirelessly I worked for him expressed concern by telling him to go a bit easy on me and at least pay me for my efforts, which he addressed by asking me "Don't they know you're my son?" I never once complained or declined his requests to help out since I knew we were tight on money and Dad was making use of all the free help he could get. My only issues were some instances of potential abuse, such as when he got angry and started yelling at me to perform a task that I genuinely didn't understand how to do. I remember pleading with him to help me understand, but he just continued to get frustrated and scaring the shit out of me. Or this other time where after a hard day's work at building our shop, I didn't immediately acknowledge something Dad said to me, leading him to berate me for my supposed social blunder. When he just wouldn't let up, I then proceeded to remind him of a social blunder he once committed, causing him to punch me in the face and berate me more until we got home. When we arrived home, I was offered dinner which I declined solely because I was uncomfortable being around him and so wanted to immediately go to bed, but he forced me to sit right next to me while he shot a death glare at me, which I interpreted as him asserting his dominance over me.
Dad could be very short-tempered and erratic on occasion, to the point where I would feel like I was walking on eggshells around him at times, such as when I woke up one morning and greeted him with a casual "Hellooo" that had a bit of a drawl to it and he suddenly froze up and looked at me with a death glare and I quickly apologised, scolding me for laying my sizeable head back on the sofa while he spoke to me, scolding us if me or my siblings said "Excuse me" if he was in our way in the house since apparently that was too formal and not something you'd say to a family member (especially a father), or if we forgot to say "Good Morning" to him after waking up. I've actually had to appeal to Mum to ask him to control his temper on a couple of occasions and as a result I feel like I can never truly relax around him.
On multiple occasions, I've been forced to eat something even if I didn't want to.
I had a bedwetting problem for most of my life. One time when I was about 5, Dad woke me up in the middle of the night to discover that I'd once again wet the bed. He angrily told me to get up, told me to face the wall and remain in that position in my piss-stained clothes as punishment while he changed my bed and made me go back to bed again.
I have noticeable bumps on my foreheads which I remember where obtained from hitting my head on the ground as a toddler but which Mum claims are just natural or something, which I interpret as gaslighting.
Mum accused Dad of cheating on her, but he proved he wasn't. Years later when I enquired as to what their fight was about she told me the truth (that it was a misunderstanding over his fidelity) which I suspected. When I brought it up again later, however, she totally lied about it for some reason, which I again see as gaslighting.
When Mum caught me watching porn for the first time ever, she berated me by asking whether this also means I would like to see her or my sister naked.
When I was a kid, Dad tried to manipulate me one time when I told him I wanted to make cartoons in the future and he said that job was for a software engineer.
A lot of their advice was to turn myself over to God. Thing is, I no longer believe in God so that advice was falling on deaf ears and I am scared of coming out to them as an atheist.
After deceiving my parents for two years about my online learning, while it was justified to an extent, Dad really let me have it, telling me in no uncertain terms every opportunity he had how extremely let down he was, how he'd never seen anything like this happen anywhere in his entire life (he was 55 at this point) and how my deception and failure were among the two biggest tragedies/disappointments in his life, the other being the civil war raging in our homeland Ethiopia. Mind you this civil war resulted in the genocide of thousands upon thousands of our ethnic tribe the Tigrayans. He would also say that he's so angry but he can't beat me to let it out because I'm an adult now (I was 20 at the time), so he's forced to stew helplessly in his own anger.
They were pretty strict, restrictive and judgmental folks and could be overbearing. Mum would never let me visit another person's house without them having visited ours first, as she explicitly explained so herself and even that was a moot point because she didn't want any peer of mine coming over anyway, so none of my peers came over to my house (until I was 18 and that was because I showed up home with him unexpected and practically begged her to let him come in) and I'd never been to anyone else's house (apart from Sasha's and that was without her knowledge or consent). She forbade all social media apart from WhatsApp and even that I always used in secret when texting people since I knew she'd find some way to be judgemental about it. She wouldn't let me go play football with my friends if she didn't drive me over there herself so she would know the location and even that was reluctantly expressed. Throughout our teens, she forbade TV on the weekdays save for Friday, which she would brag about to her friends, and very rarely let me hang out with others after school for a social outing, discounting the after school badminton club on Thursdays in my mid teens which took place at school Though I guess this could once again be chalked up to being money-conscious, but also being overly distrustful of everyone in the UK. Dad could also get like this, such as making us do school work on Friday after school or insisting on cutting my fingernails even as he was making me bleed .
They both generally either discouraged or outright forbade any interest in fantasy, which included things like Mum eventually forbidding me from reading Harry Potter, berating and almost getting physical with me for watching a Bond film with my siblings when I was about 14 and just when I thought she couldn't possibly find an angle to criticise on me watching My Little Pony she reproached me for a kiss scene that took place. This trait of theirs got completely overblown after my little brother's nervous breakdown, causing Dad to completely ban our former interests in comic books and Naruto, reprimand me for watching 13 Going on 30 and disapprove of us playing FIFA, to the point where I genuinely felt like I couldn't enjoy anything when around them. They would also criticise us a lot for relatively minor things and their lectures could be excruciatingly long, spanning hours. They also had next to no concept of privacy, entering our rooms without ever knocking (unless they knew we were changing) and confiscating our phones a couple times for no real reason whatsoever.
All this has led to me being incredibly sneaky about what I do. I never let them see me with my phone, only ever using it out of their eyesight and I routinely deleted shit stored up on it in case they randomly needed my phone, which they would. I also became adept at lying as well as identifying footsteps. I think due to the sort of parenting they employed, I was very anxious and scared during these particular events:
My primary school teacher once lent me her Harry Potter DVD box set and I didn’t even get past the first film from great fear that Mum would catch me watching it and get angry
During one summer vacation back to our homeland the plan was that Dad would remain in the UK for a bit while the rest of us would go to our country before he joined us. I knew that Harry Potter would be running on some of the TV channels in the UK and throughout the portion of the summer holiday where Dad was still in the UK, which was several weeks, I was deathly afraid of him watching the films and finding out that this was what I liked.
If I remember correctly, I also recall being taught how to masturbate by my babysitter when I was about 3-4 (which I've been doing ever since and I'm now 21), which I've never told anyone and would count as sexual abuse, right?
My little brother has also experienced the below:
Got the living shit beaten out of him by Mum after he was tricked by his friends into writing "fuck" on a whiteboard. He didn't even know what it meant, but I could hear his pitiful wails and screams coming from the bedroom where Mum was beating him.
He accidentally tripped and broke a stair pillar while we were organising the shoe room once, causing Mum to lose it and get physical with him. When I brought this up with Dad years later, Mum either lied about the events or didn't recall it well, the former which I interpret as another round of gaslighting.
He's also been pinched and smacked on the head several times.
So... what do you think, Reddit?

Good evening to everyone on this sub, I’d like to start off by saying I apologize if I’ve put this in the wrong place, but I feel as though many people here will have much more life experience and wisdom than myself on this topic, so here goes nothing.
P.S. This is going to be long as fuck so I apologize in advance lol.
I’ll start this off by giving a brief profile: I am 17 years old and about to graduate in a few weeks. My last long-term relationship ran from March ‘22-August ‘22 and it was not until about four months ago that I decided I was “over it” (I speculate I may have held limerence towards that person as well). In that time I developed an addiction to weed (daily use started in July-ish) that still runs to this day, for a multitude of different reasons, that relationship included. I’ve experienced most of the negative side effects of that addiction, and although I am still dependent on it, I am in a much more manageable state than I once was (I was smoking 2-3 times a day as a junior in HS). In the time following me and that persons separation I felt lonely often and had a hard time being able to validate myself. It’s almost important to mention that my home life is not the smoothest that it’s ever been, and the combination of stress from that, school, and this big transition Im about to experience has taken a large toll on my life in the last 3 months or so.
So to my present situation. I met a girl at a birthday party my friend of mine was hosting (3 and a half months ago), and I quickly spotted her and decided I wanted to try and talk to her. Before even doing so, my friends mother and another friend of mine had encouraged me to talk to her because “we would be good together” (they both know her much better than me). To sum it up, it was not long before we ran off from the party, went on a long walk and talked for over an hour, and opting to go for ANOTHER shortly after, to which I kissed her for a long time. She had proclaimed that she sensed a real connection between us and seemed concerned about seeing me again, so I decided to keep things going because I had not felt this excited or connected to someone since my last partner. It’s important to note that she lives in a town about 35 minutes away, and I don’t currently have a car, so there is an obvious distance. The next week I went to her friends birthday party in her town and it went even better than the weekend prior, we once again separated ourselves from the party and got more intimate than the weekend prior. I ended up telling her a lot of the burdens in my life and it was the first time I had felt heard, you guessed it, since my previous partner. That night ended with more intimacy and her driving me home at 6 in the morning, and I thought about this night non-stop for probably 2 months. After that I was under the impression that we were seeing each other until she silently pulled away and I was unsure why. Radio silence for about a week. I was in the process of trying to accept this when we coincidentally ended up at a friends house at the same time and ended up talking things over (about 2 months after initially meeting her). Long story short, I forgave her and welcomed her back into my life. This is when the daydreaming of “what could be” and the perfect fantasy started again, except this time with a more positive outlook. About a week and a half later I called her and asked her to be my date to prom, which she happily agreed to. There was about 3 and a half weeks between then and my prom, which was this past Saturday. About 2 weeks ago she drunkenly called me and apologized for her pulling away and revealed how much it was bothering her, but I tried my best to reassure her that I had moved on and only saw that as a moment in time. The beginning part went well but rendered slightly awkward (I feel like mutual sobriety contributed to this), but the after party was when things took off. She told me that she wanted to go on another walk with me at some point that night, which made me happy because I knew what I was going to experience. This time was different than the first; there was an unspoken level of comfortablility she revealed only around me, and she told me how she wanted me to visit her in college and how she was disappointed we didn’t have the time to develop a relationship, and how long distance would probably be difficult. I asked her why she felt this level of comfortability with me, and she said it was because “she could tell I was a good person with only good intentions, and would never do anything to hurt her.” None of this was discussed extensively but rather we focused on trying to enjoy each others company, when I asked her if I could kiss her again. She told me that she wanted to ask but she felt anxious to or something like that. We spent a lot of time on that walk being intimate, into the rest of the party at my friend’s house at times we had unintentionally secluded ourselves (going to get another drink, etc). She stayed the night and I walked her to her car the next morning, and she told me she would see me again because she still has a sweatshirt of mine, I gave her a long hug and we went our separate ways. It’s important to note that she has admitted to being a bad texter, and that she did not believe in the superficiality of developing a relationship over Snapchat (our main form of communication), which is something I’ve aligned with since before meeting her. And we were both drunk 3 of the 4 times I saw her. I am also now realizing we don’t really address these moments in sobriety which raises concern to me. In the times between seeing her, we have small conversations here and there and Snap throughout the day. Needless to say, I still think a lot about what it would “be like” to be in a relationship with her and see her more often, and find myself disappointed when I don’t hear from her for a while. But at the smallest sign of validity, it entirely flips.
I want to know if this is something that I should address with her, as I want to have a manageable relationship with her in whatever aspect that may be. I also want to source more validation from other aspects of my life besides her. I already exercise about 4-5 times a week and that has kept me in line more than if I wasn’t, but I feel as though I need to do something about this directly in order to make progress. Again, I apologize for making this so fucking long lmao and if you read this all you are amazing. Any input, whether I want or don’t want to hear it, is fully welcomed.

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