Rye playland ny car show

So this is going to be a lot so if you want to read be prepared for a long story lol.
So my dad and I had a big falling out recently. It started a couple months ago in November when my parents were separating. My mom had moved out a month or two prior and still had some of her stuff at the house. My dad (unprompted) had texted her telling her to get all of her shit out of the house or else he was going to burn it and he had thrown some of her stuff in the front yard. (He just had surgery and was on medication that could have affected his judgment but this was still not out of character for him) So my mom, myself, and my husband went to the house to help her get her stuff. We were getting some of her things from the yard and he had come outside and he and I began arguing. He thought that my mom was trying to turn me against him but truthfully, she has always treated me better than him and he wasn’t the best to me growing up so I was always closer to my mom. I told him he was being a childish asshole and he was a shitty father. He told us we all need to leave and went inside to get a rifle probably to “defend his property” or whatever around the time we were arguing my sister (who has a different dad) and her husband pulled into the driveway to help pack. They had their month old infant in the car with them because he was too young to be separated from his mother and they didn’t expect things to blow up so much. My dad ended up pointing the gun at pretty much everyone. He pointed the gun at the car with my sister and her family and right at my husband’s head. I don’t think realistically he could have pulled the trigger easily because he just had surgery on his dominant shoulder and he was using his other hand to hold the gun up. But the fact remains that he pointed a gun directly at my husbands face and at the car where my sister and her family were. If anyone knows anything about guns one of the most important rules is you don’t ever point a gun at anyone unless you intend to shoot (like in self defense situations). He taught me how to shoot so he definitely knows this and should know better. I figured the situation may blow up so I had my pepper spray in my pocket and ended up having to use it on my dad when he first pointed the gun at my sisters car. After that we left and my mom was in the u-haul the whole time on the phone with the police. We went to a nearby gas station and the police met us there and got our stories and my dad ended up getting arrested. He texted me the next day saying he’ll have nothing to do with me or my family from that point forward.
Flash forward a couple months later, my dad and I have been no contact. A family friend had called my sister and I because she was concerned about the well-being of my mother. She said that my parents admitted to doing meth the night before my sisters wedding and it started as an occasional thing then became an everyday thing for them. She was doing what she could to help but they live 4 hours away so there’s only so much they could do. The reason she called to tell us was she was concerned now that they were separated she would fall back into it and the last time she saw my mom a few weeks prior she seemed to be tweaking. We didn’t confront my mom immediately because we wanted to think about what to say and we didn’t want to put the family friend for telling on my mom because that would ruin their 20+ year long friendship. A few days later my dad happened to text and say he was concerned about her and wouldn’t say why. My mom, probably doing damage control, texted saying he’s texting everyone bc he thinks she’s on meth. I used my dad texting about it as an excuse to try to get more information. He ended up telling me a lot about their past drug use and my sister and I confronted my mom about it a few days later. She basically denied everything and was hurt we believed my dad. Which we would have never believed him if it wasn’t for the family friend telling us but we couldn’t tell her about that so we just let it be basically. We don’t think she’s on it currently because she doesn’t seem tweaky and has gained some weight since the separation.
Apparently then my dad and I had thought we had made up since we’ve been talking recently. My husband was going to the town my dad lives to fish and he saw my dad coming to our town so he immediately turned around and sped back to our house and called me to let me know. My husband had me text my dad and tell him not to come to our house and he said he was going to the meat market in our town and sent the picture of the sign to show me where he was. He was offended that I told him not to come by so he drove past our house. We were expecting him because we knew us telling him was in innovation in his mind to come by and when he drove past my husband flipped him off and my dad slammed on the breaks and got out of the car. My husband pulled his gun out since he saw him as a threat and told him to leave immediately and they got into an argument. Nothing happened other than my husband punched his truck and he agreed not to press charges as long as he pays for the damages so we ended up doing that so my husband doesn’t have anything on his record.
So for a bit of background, my dad had a kid, who ended up not being his kid, with someone before my mom and him got together who is 5 years older than me. I think he in his heart knew the child wasn’t his, and he treated the child horribly. I was so young while he lived with us so I didn’t realize how bad it was but just for perspective, some of his “punishments” were to run laps for god knows how long and whenever he was grounded he would have to just sit in his room on his bed and do nothing. He was kept in his room basically his whole childhood. He had issues with lying as I was told and “nothing worked” so they resorted to extremely harsh punishments. If you could even call it punishments. One of them was he was only allowed to eat break and milk for however long. I was just a kid so I would just think “oh he’s in trouble again bc he’s bad it’s fine” but as an adult I would NEVER treat any child like that no matter how “bad” the kid is. It disgusts me to think about. For a bit during the drama in between the two incidents my dad was alluding to the fact that he may commit suicide. I know this is terrible to say but honestly now I hope he goes through with it. The fact he’s my dad and I still have love for him makes me feel terrible for hating him but I know if he was anyone else and I knew how he was I would hate the fact he exists on the same earth as everyone else. I’ve always seen my mom as a victim but I’m coming to terms I guess with the fact that she was an adult who allowed her children and the child she was caring for to be abused and/or mistreated over a man. And participated in some instances. She tried to defend sometimes but not nearly enough. She’s pretty old fashioned so she believes in putting her husband first and while that’s not the worst thing in the world, you can’t put a terrible man over your innocent children. my husband and I told have children but we have nieces and nephews and if I saw him treating them the way my mom allowed my dad to treat us, I’d be a widow bc there’s no way I’d allow that type of behavior.
I know this was a lot but I guess what I’m asking for is any advice? There’s a lot more nuances that I could add but it’d make for an even longer post lol. What are y’all’s thoughts?

A few months ago, my life changed completely. I (M15) years old, and before the accident, I was just a normal kid. At least, that’s what everyone tells me.
I don’t remember any of it.
I was walking home from school, not paying attention to anything around me. I didn’t see the car coming. One moment, I was crossing the street, and the next thing I knew, I was lying on the cold pavement, everything around me in chaos.
When I woke up in the hospital, I was in so much pain and totally confused. My head felt like it was going to explode, and I had no idea where I was or what had happened.
The doctors said I had a severe concussion and amnesia. They explained that I couldn’t remember anything from before the accident—no childhood memories, no friends, no family. My mind was completely blank, wiped clean by the trauma.
My parents were the first faces I saw when I woke up. They looked relieved but also terrified. My mom tried to be strong, but I could see the tears in her eyes. My dad, usually so tough, couldn’t hide how scared he was. They kept asking me questions, hoping something would spark a memory, but it was useless. I didn’t recognize them, didn’t remember anything about our life together. I didn’t even know my own name.
The doctors said my memory might come back with time, but there were no guarantees. In the meantime, I had to rely on what my family told me about my past. They showed me pictures, told me stories, but it all felt like it belonged to someone else.
The hardest part has been trying to reconnect with my family. My parents are doing their best to help me, but it’s clear they’re struggling too. My mom tries to fill in the gaps, telling me about the things I used to love, the friends I had, the dreams I chased. My dad is more reserved, like he doesn’t know how to handle the stranger that his son has become.
My little sister, Emma, is only 10. She looks at me with a mix of hope and sadness, asking when I’ll remember her, when things will go back to normal. I wish I had an answer for her. I wish I could remember the bond we supposedly shared.
I feel terrible that I can't remember anything. My parents have been amazing, but I can see the hurt in their eyes. My mom is constantly on the verge of tears, and my dad looks like he’s carrying the weight of the world. Emma is trying so hard to help, but every time she asks me if I remember something, it just breaks my heart to say no.
I started seeing a therapist, trying to piece together my life before the accident. It’s frustrating and terrifying, like chasing shadows that always slip away. The therapist says it’s important to create new memories, to focus on the present and not get lost in what I can’t remember. But how can I do that when I feel like half a person, a ghost haunting my own life?
School is a nightmare. Everyone looks at me differently now, whispering behind my back. I’m the kid who lost his memory, the one who can’t even remember his best friends. They try to be nice, but it just makes me feel worse. I don’t know who to trust, who to turn to.
Every day is a struggle. The pain, the fear, the isolation—they’re eating me alive. And watching my family suffer because of it is almost worse than the physical pain. I see the strain in my parents' eyes, the tension in their voices. I know they’re scared of losing me, even though I’m right here.
So, Reddit, AITA for feeling bad that I can’t remember anything? Am I wrong for feeling guilty that my family is hurting because of me? I just needed to get this out and see if someone else understands.

I am racing GT3 cars in multiplayer with the car restrictions of R class.
When I goto Rivals mode, and select a circuit, it shows the leaderboard for all the cars. Is there a way to only see GT3 cars in the leaderboard?

I always mumble these words and have spent far too much time searching for these, so I came up with my own so I can sing in the car. These are specifically from Houdini Live: A Live History of Gluttony and Lust. These were easier than the album and each show has it's own lyrics. I would love to see what people are hearing when you're listening!!
I see those friend go ride you, host away the beer
Might even petrify my closet wheel
Joke mister joy no make me, pate so sad and low
Laugh at his sin ghost entry, chemical

Toast no in fear mall angel, want to be away
She’s not afraid to feel more desperately
Ask not and you will find it right

Lactate I go for gentry, maybe more in here
Haste like a visionary, ampersand

Toast no in fear mall angel, want to be away
She’s not afraid to feel more desperately
Ask not and you will find it right

I'm the lady who thought she got a bat bite in the backyard while throwing my daughter a birthday party. Cant remember the account name I used to post here at that time. I thought I'd hop on here because today I got a sore throat and my immediate thought was "It's probably rabies."
That's how OCD works. This thought will plague me until my sore throat goes away. My brain will do mental gymnastics to try to calm itself and it won't work. Now, I could make it a million times worst by checking to make sure I can still swallow every few minutes, checking my temperature, investigating the site of my non existent bite to see if it tingles or is itchy, googling for reassurance, asking for reassurance on this sub etc etc. But then the OCD would only stay longer. And after eight months I say f*** that.
I''d rather put up with these scary thoughts for a day or two. Just sit with them and feel afraid, than fuel the OCD. OCD is a monster and when you perform those compulsions you just feed it and it grows bigger and scarier.
If you are on this sub today seeking reassurance, try to stop yourself. You know it won't help you because nobody can tell you with 100% certainty that you don't have rabies. That's what you are asking for and no one can give that to you.
Try to immerse yourself in an activity. Mine was slow cooking. I cooked complicated recipes, my family ate like royalty. I had a silly little dance that I did when the thoughts got so bad I thought I was gonna explode.
I had setbacks. Stupid rabies OCD kept flaring up, so I would repeat the process. I even started having nerve issues in my foot which was the site of the "bat bite." Those were tough days. My Dad had a brain injury, my daughter was in a car accident and I dealt with both. I was there with my family, showed up for my kids. You can't do that when you're online compulsively asking, searching, pleading for certainty that can't be had.
Pick a hobby. Immerse yourself. Notice the thoughts. This fear will lessen. It will be more than tolerable. Some days you will even laugh at yourself and the thoughts. The whole thing will become a joke even while it's still sometimes scary. You can do it.

Born and bought up in a Gujju household, I hadn't heard a single conversation around Dowry (/dahej) among my friends and family. And I am social guy with a fairly large number of people in my circle.
Sometime ago, I was talking about long term relationships & arranged marriages in my office circle, I was shocked to discover that dowry system is common in most states. Most of my colleagues deeply disagreed with the system but it still exists in their families.
Once I started going down the rabit hole, I found that it is common in most states across India except Gujarat. I checked with multiple people from each state - Andhra Pradesh, Rajasthan, Tamil Nadu, UP, Uttarakhand, Telangana, Chhattisgarh, Madhya Pradesh, Jharkhand, Delhi, Karnataka and the list goes on.
To double check, I called friends from different cities, ethnic communities and generations across Gujarat. Zero dowry transactions. At worst, it might be an edge case in some niche community. Gender ratio of Gujarat is not great but it is similar to most states and not on extreme end. I was also surprised that during my entire existence none of my friends from other states told me about dowry system.
And I am not talking about giving expensive gifts to the other side. For eg. in Gujarat 'both' families give gifts like jewellery, car, clothes, etc. to bride (not groom). Bride receives exponentially more gifts than groom. Yes, there is lot of show off. But the cost of these gifts is not even tracked let alone be predetermined.
I am talking about business deal type of transactions, where the groom's family has decided the minimum amount (price?) beforehand and decision to marry or not depends on bride's family agreeing to giving this amount. As if they are paying fees for a daycare for their daughter or they are buying the groom. And marriages are broken, people are hurt, terrible things happen if the bride's family is not able to fulfill their promised amount.
I had seen news reports around these events but I assumed them to be edge cases. Why is this still a majority case across the country? What am I missing?
The irony that Gujarat's 'business' minded people are out of this game!

I just thought it was a little bit weird. Is that a thing? Do people get a kids car with the purchase of a real car at a dealership or is that just something they did for the show?

I installed vanilaworks extended but a lot of the cars are not showing up on the trainer please help. I installed the premium deluxe dealership mod and since then some of the cars just dont show up

Got a text on whatsapp from transport department that a challan has been issued for over-speeding for my car. It attached an apk file to download an application, this was the exact message:
“To verify and view evidence related to this violation, please access the Vahan Parivahan mobile application. This application will provide you with detailed information, including photographic evidence of the violation.”
At first glance it seemed like a genuine message and my family had forwarded the message to me as I had taken the car out today.
Checked on all government portals, there were no challans. Asked my family to show their WhatsApp and realised it was private number (truecaller said it belonged to chennai)

TLDR: Dad died, car loan is hefty, zero dollars in estate, trying to decide if I should let the bank/dealership reposes the car, or find a way to negotiate with them to keep the car for a lower amount than what the car loan was for.
Here's the longer version:
My dad passed away recently and without going into too much detail there is zero dollars in his estate. A few months ago he bought a used car at a dealership which he financed through the dealership and I believe he paid more for the car than it was worth so I am fairly confident that I cannot sell the car for the amount of the loan.
My mom was the beneficiary of my dad's estate and executor of his will but she lives in long term care and is not capable of acting on his behalf and lawyer advised us that her power of attorney cannot take on the role of executor of the will (also parents are also legally separated and she was not involved in any of his finances so she is not responsible for the car loan even thought one could argue that the car is hers). There is a backup executor of the will but he is not in the picture either, although we might be able to drag him into it kicking and screaming if we needed to.
Bascially, a lawyer has advised us that the car and the loan is not our problem as he basically didn't have a valid will and there is no money in the estate. She said to leave it where it is and walk away and let the dealership or the bank or whoever do what they have to do to deal with it once the payments start bouncing.
The problem is that I just can't stomach doing that. My dad LOVED cars and his car was his prized possession. He was always in it driving around town and when he got this new one he took a bunch of pictures of it and wanted to come visit me to show me his new car but I told him not to because it was winter and I didn't want him driving on the wintery roads (boy do I regret that now). I also happen to be driving a rusty old car with constant problems. Now that dad is gone I have to drive 6 hours away to go visit my mom once or twice a month so that she is not all alone. I need a new car and would talk to my dad often about my car woes. I just don't have the headspace to go car shopping while I'm grieving and dealing with the fallout from his death, taking over my mom's care, dealing with my own health problems, etc.
So basically my question: Is it possible to negotiate with the dealership or the bank to get possession of my dad's car for a lesser amount than the value of the loan? If the loan is $26k and the car is only really worth $18-20k, can I offer a lower amount to settle the loan and take over ownership of the car? Note that the alternative is that the car sits abandoned in the parking lot of his apartment building until it eventually gets towed, repossessed and probably auctioned off.
The point is I have a lot of practical and sentimental reasons not to just abandon the car, but I have no idea how to go about getting possession of it without 'buying it' from my mom and paying off the loan, but it's just not a good purchase and I'd be paying several thousand dollars more than it's worth, which I can't really afford. Would love some advice on this messy situation.

So for those who don’t know, cait and Tyler were on the show 16 and pregnant where they gave up their biological daughter Carly. In the show you could see how much pain it caused both of them to make that decision. The agency they used was predatory asf, and the AP’s Brandon and Teresa were also predatory because they promised an open adoption and then like so many other disgusting AP’s, backed out of the contract.
Cait and Tyler have been pretty vocal about their feelings regarding this and for some reason, everybody thinks they’re wrong?
The discourse is so triggering, with the majority of people bashing cait and Tyler saying they aren’t Carly’s parents, they gave up all their rights, and that it’s probably Carly who doesn’t want to see them. Why do so many people believe that it’s Carly who’s making this choice, when it’s been clear from the very beginning that Brandon and Teresa only agreed to an open adoption because they knew they didn’t have to stick with it, and that it wasn’t legally binding. Why are we all just ignoring how gross Brandon and Teresa are? It’s making me physically sick.
The way people talk about adoptees and adoption has always been triggering but this for some reason is hitting way harder! What are your thoughts?

I have vague memories of a comedy TV panel show where two teams would debate topics. One week it was Amercia VS UK theme (maybe roadtrips?) and I think there was a Young VS Old one.
I remember someone comparing American car songs like Route 66 to Cars by Gary Numan. And someone listing Burger King as American and being corrected that it's actually British.
I'm trying to remember the comedians and I was sure Bill Bailey was in it but I can't find anything like it in his filmography.
Possibly 90s or 00s?

Me and my wife are both in our mid 30's and have been married 4 years with 2 children under the ages of 7. I love my family but my wife's drinking and narcissistic behavior has driven me to my breaking point. A few weeks ago she went to run some errands and came back like 5 hours later completely drunk and her car was wrecked. Now, this is the 3rd time this same thing has happened. Except on this day we had a school function to attend and our kids were being dropped off with grandparents to be watched for the night. When I told her she was to drunk to drive the kids to where they needed to go, she went ballistic. The typical screaming, throwing stuff, and literally pulling her hair out, so as I usually do when this happens, I start to record for my own safety. She saw I had been recording and at that moment she attacked me. She was genuinely trying to hurt me, I could see the hatred in her eyes. (This is the 4th physical assault Ive dealt with by now with her). Mind you, the children are watching her do all of this and they are screaming at me to stop defending myself but I can't just leave because I'm afraid she might try to drive them drunk as she had already put them in the car once and I had to remove them. The whole time she's screaming this is what your daddy does to US because he doesn't care about US and all sorts of other absolutely ridiculous, shameful things that are just lies to manipulate the children into thinking somehow daddy is the bad guy. I finally get the kids to where they need to go and I go to my office to gather my thoughts. During that time she called my phone 140 times just to yell at me and then hang up. At about 10 pm she says she's leaving to stay at her dad's so I come home. I'm asleep when she comes back in the middle of the night. So she wakes me up slamming doors and screaming profanities at 4 a.m. and begins the ordeal once again. I have video evidence of everything that happened, including video evidence from 2 other events where I was assaulted in front of the kids. I have been contemplating leaving for a little while now but I hate the thought of losing my family because I know how hard that can be on kids and I also don't want to miss those special moments.. but I can't keep letting them go though this at the same time. I've tried to talk on my wife about counseling, she is vehemently against that because she is diagnosed bipolar but refuses to take medication because she can't drink if she's on her meds.. She has also told me multiple times that she would kill herself if we broke up and it sort of make me feels like a captive in this relationship. Anytime I bring up the fact that I'm incredibly unhappy and want talk about our most recent incident, she just says, I don't want a fight, I just want a good night. But these conversations that aren't taking place aren't allowing me personally to move on or feel better about the future. She would typically be drinking about 2 bottles of Jameson a week and since the last fight she hasn't brought any home, although I know she's stopped at the bar. But the issue now is that she's treating me with such disdain and disrespect simply because I have told her and tried to show how mean she gets when she's drunk. Like I took something away from her and now she passive aggressively takes it out on me at any point. I never thought I'd be here asking reddit for advice but here I am. What kind of lawyer do I need to show these videos to? How do I make the breakaway when our lives are intricately linked? I am afraid of what would happen if I told her face to face that I want a divorce. I make good money and I pay almost all of the bills, I pay rent, I pay for groceries and any fun stuff we do on the weekends or vacation and she keeps one of my credit cards to use and i just pay it off every month. If I leave she can't afford to live on her own so it's not like I can just find a different apartment and move all the utilities and just tell her good luck. I don't know, it's all a whirlwind and any help would be greatly appreciated!

This has been a ridiculously long journey but I'm finally done with this ownership fiasco. I just got a notification that about $8100 from the IRS is about to hit my account despite the amended status return page still showing it's being "reviewed". Geez! I mean, I can't complain ... although $500ish in interest seems low given my original filing was 11/1! It took two attempts to get this through. My first 1040X ended up fizzling out because a previous 1040X I filed (for completely unrelated reasons) hadn't quite finished being processed (they DID warn me "don't submit another one if the first one hasn't been completed"). This last one took barely a month, start to finish. If yours has taken more than 16-20 weeks, call it in (you'll be redirected a few times as the person you're initially connected with handles collections, not refunds). Speak with the agent and if it has taken the requisite amount of time, they'll ask you a bunch of questions to see if you qualify for a re-do. In this case the redo was a slam dunk.
Between this and the $69K I got from Progressive for my accident on 11/26 (car was deemed totaled with just $5K in damaged plastics), I am made 100% whole but I still can't help but feel that HF totally lied to us and swindled us (and pretty much all his partners, vendors, and employees). I am extremely fortunate and grateful that I got out unscathed, physically first and foremost ... and I even made a couple of big ones on the stock, in which I didn't stay long, about a year ago. My heart goes out to everyone who's still feeling the daily pain of a car with mechanical and software issues or just the possibility of it becoming a financial liability while only serving as a garage ornament. I had such high hopes for this car but I think the recent business winds have been ones of "go cheap, grab the money, and run" so Fisker is not alone in their MO. We have seen such little progress across so many industries. If it's not a "con" of some sort, they're not interested in growing and investing. Let's hope we get out of this stagnation funk by next year.
I hope everyone learns from this experience to not be so impulsive (which will be very hard for yours truly) but also not to slam people who sound the alarms early on. See something, say something. If you go back to some of my comments from late 2022 through mid-2023, I correctly predicted quite a few things that ended up happening. "If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck". We can't make accurate predictions 100% of the time but we also shouldn't be vilified for being genuinely concerned by what is happening.
Good luck to all!

A visiting Japanese friend has booked a rental car with Nico Nico, but as I'm local and know where to go, I'll be driving. It's the first time I'll be renting a car with my own details.
According to my friend, NN have asked me to bring my driving license (naturally), but also my zairyu card. The reason given is because they want something else with my address on. I checked with my wife who's used NN in the past, and she only needed to show her license.
I can't think of any good reason that they'd need to see it, but perhaps I'm just unaware of something important. Am I quite within my rights to tell them to pound sand?

This is my first reddit post, although I have been a long time lurker of many subreddits. I am 23 years old and an only child. I am not a native english speaker, so please forgive any weird formatting or any spelling/grammar mistakes.
As the title states, my mom died ... and I am currently writing this to try and process this whole situation. I've tried to section all the paragraphs in chronological order, to make reading easier. Sorry for the extremely long post - I just needed to get it all out.
We only just celebrated her 60th birthday back in february. She did all the cooking, cleaning and planning without any trouble - even down to picking out the perfect napkins and flowers for her white and gold theme.
My mother was without a job. She had been jobless for almost 2 years now, after she was fired from her old cleaning job due to frequent sick days because of stomach cramps and pain. She was seen by a doctor back in 2022 for her stomach aches, and they found no physical cause - hence why we concluded it must've been due to stress. The stress and stomach pains subsided after she'd been fired. So we thought no more of it.
In march she was doing a 4-week internship in a local supermarket to see if she might've been a good fit for a permanent paid position. This is common practice for unemployeed people here in Denmark.
My mother started having stomach pains again during this internship, soon followed by back pains as well. She figured this was due to her spending most of the day sitting as a cashier in an uncomfortable position. My mother wasn't very tall, so she had trouble reaching the floor pedals that control the cashier conveyer belt.
In the beginning of april, she went to the doctor. Her stomach and back pains hadn't gone away although the internship was over. Her doctor also concluded it was most likely due to her uncomfortable working position, and that it would pass in a few weeks time. The doctor did some bloodwork, and found that she was severely lacking vitamin D, but nothing else seemed concerning at the time.
In the middle of april, her pains had only gotten worse, and she went to the doctor again. Her doctor did more bloodwork, and did a phisycal exam of my mothers stomach. Her doctor ordered a CT scan to check for anything serious.
19th of april. I accompany my mother to the hospital for her CT scan. We get told that we'll have the results in a week or so. My mother is not looking good when I pick her up at the bus station. She is more pale than usual, and has trouble walking at her usual pace.
23th of april. My mother received a referral to a meeting at the hospital with a doctor and nurse, to discuss the results of the CT scan. This referral is sent from the hospitals cancer department. My mother and I speak on the phone, she is concerned, but I tell her that this type of referral must just be standard pratice, and that she shouldn't worry untill we have spoken with the doctor. I cried that night.
25th of april. The day before her meeting with the doctor, I received a phone call from my mother. She tells me that she had fallen while at home, but that I shouldn't worry. I, of course, worry.
I pack my things and leave for my mothers house, I live an hour away by bus. When I finally arrive my mother seems okay-ish, but the house is another story. My mother is normally known for being a clean freak, and her house has always been clean and organized, But it wasn't anymore.
Her kitchen was a mess, and the dishwasher hadn't been empited or loaded for at least two weeks. Her bathroom is even worse, and I won't even begin to describe the state of the toilet it self. It is a sight that will horrify me for the rest of my life. I cleaned everything, while my mother rested.
My mother had also started sleeping on the guest bed, saying her own was too uncomfortable for her.
While cleaning the bathroom, my mother wakes up. Despite her state, she says she wants to help. But before I can even tell her no, my mother has another fall. Her legs essentially just crumble beneath her, and she falls backwards and lands head first on the floor. We argue back and forth about calling an ambulance, but she refuses to let me - so I don't, even though I should have. I guess I still respected my moms authority too much.
My mother lives alone, as my parents are divorced (they are very good friends though). My mother refuses to let me call my dad and tell him about this whole situation. She is stubborn and too proud to admit defeat.
26th of april. We take a taxi to the hospital. The taxi driver has a help my mother into the car. During the carride my mother says very little, but seems slightly delirious and very tired. When we arrive at the hospital, I quickly borrow a hospital wheelchair for my mother. She is almost unable to walk unassisted at this point.
After waiting for a while in the waiting area, a nurse comes and guides us to a meeting room. My mother is very tired at this point, and still delirious, and I have to handle most of the conversation with the doctor.
The CT scan results showed Pancreatic cancer. The cancer had already spread to her liver and abdomial cavity.
I had read about this cancer a few days prior, trying to figure out what was wrong with my mother. I knew what this meant, and I knew that it was effectively a death sentence. The doctor told us that an operation was out of the question, since the cancer had already spread. And due to the clearly weak state of my mothers health, chemo would also not be offered, as it would finish her.
I told the doctor of her two falls and the state of her home, and that she would not be safe on her own. The doctor had her admitted to a nearby bed department for stomach- and gastrointestinal surgery patients.
The hospital did a ton of bloodwork on my mother when she got admitted, and everything was off. All numbers were either too high or dangerously low. My mothers health was in fact so bad, that I was told she was a heart attack risk. I was also told that if a heart attack happened, she would not be brought back - as it would only prolong a very short and painful life.
I called my dad.
27th of april. My mother slept most of the day.
28th of april. My mother had another fall during the night, trying to get to the bathroom.
29th of april. My dad shows up to the hospital. He wasn't able to get off work until now, as he works in the other end of the country. He is shocked to see my mother in this state. We are told once again by a different doctor that nothing can be done. They are looking into getting her a spot at a nearby hospice.
The rest of the remaining week is spent in hospital. My dad and I are by my mothers side every day. She doesn't leave her hospital room, apart from a few times a day for a smoke break outside. My dad and I take her outside in a wheelchair, which she needs help to get in and out of.
Her bloodwork is showing some slight improvements, but she is still having trouble with infections and receives a lot of antibiotics. She eats like a mouse, but drinks a lot of fluids.
My mother is often very confused or tired most days. She gets referred for an MR scan, to see if the cancer has spread to her brain, or if one of her falls has caused permanent damage. Lucikly the MR scan shows that nothing is wrong with her brain.
She gets confused about her diagnosis a few times, thinking that she had brain cancer instead due to the MR scan. I have to remind her a couple times about what the doctor actually said.
6th of may. My mother seems to have stabilized somewhat so my dad has gone back to work.
7th of may. I get told by the hospital staff that my mother is to be transferred to a different hospital, which is one hour away. I become very upset by this news, and unfortunately yell at one of my mothers nurses in frustration. I yell at her that It'll be harder for me to get to my mother in time if something were to happen. I am ashamed of this childish behavior, as the transfer was the best desicion for my mother in hindsight.
I leave with my mother as we get transferred to the new hospital and their department of palliative care.
I am very ashamed by my behavior to my mothers old nurse, as this department for palliative care was truly the best place for my mother. She seemed very satisfied and happy to have been transferred. They have a large garden with wild flowers, and lovely staff. And my mother got a much bigger room all to herself. She also meets with their physical therapist, who helps my mother relieve some of her pain.
My mother and I have dinner together in the evening in her hospital room. My mom is her old self, although with some delayed speaking. I unfortunately have to rush a bit when leaving, as to not miss my bus home, so I quickly say goodbye to her and leave.
8th of may. In the morning on my way to the new hospital, I received a phone call from her new doctor. My mothers liver has suddenly started to fail due to the cancer. When I arrive, she is asleep. I am told she wont wake up again.
I called my dad, but he wont arrive until the evening, due to the distance from his workplace.
I spend most of the day in my mothers hospital room, listening to her sleep. She occasionally attempts to cough in her sleep, but it mainly just sounds like yells. It is terrifying. The nurses give her pain medication and some sleep medication to help her body relax.
My dad arrives in the late evening. We drive to my mothers house and stay the night there. We spend most of the late evening looking at pictures and scrapbooks of my mother, and packing a bag with clothes for her, for when she passes.
When prepareing the guest bed for my dad, we find a blanket that my mother slept on. It is stained, matching the previous state of the bathroom. We throw the blanket out.
9th of may. Mom is sleeping. Dad and I spend the day at the hospital, but we don't sit in her hospital room. It is too eerie and uncomfortable. We check on her occassionally. Towards the evening, her breathing becomes slightly more rapid and quick. But the nurses tell us to go home. There is no reason for us to sit by her side during the night - as it'll only make it worse for us.
10th of may. I wake at 6.12 am to my phone ringing. It is a nurse. My mother has passed away in her sleep at 6.05 that morning due to liver failure. My dad and I drive to the hospital. I am the first to see her body after the nurses prepared and dressed it in the clothing we picked.
(warning: the following paragraph may be slightly upsetting to some readers)
It it eerie and uncomfortable to see my mother like this. A symptom of pancreatic and liver cancers is that your skin will yellow. Something that I hadn't noticed in my mother till now. I cant help but think that she looks like a wax doll, although I feel horrible for thinking it. I finally touch her hand, after gathering the courage to, almost like I am afraid to distrub her. Her hands are cold, and only get colder as I sit by her side. I am supposed to say my goodbyes to her, and tell her how much she means to me, but in this moment I am speechless. I can't say anything, even on my mothers deathbed. I feels wrong to speak to a corpse. I should've said those things while she could hear them instead. I kiss her forehead before I leave the room.
17th of may. Funeral. The church and casket was beautifully decorated with colorful flowers, like my mother had requested. She didn't want anything white or depressing. I cried all the way through the funeral service, stopping only when it was time to carry the casket out. My dad on the left side, and me on the right, and some other family members behind us. Purple rain by Prince was played on the church piano as we carried the casket. I knew the casket would be heavy, but nothing prepared me for the sheer weight of that thing.
21th of may. Today. I don't really know what to think of my mothers death. Some days I almost forget that shes gone or that all this has been happening, until something reminds me of it.
In a way, I am thankful. Of course I didn't want my mother to die, but I'm glad that her suffering wasn't prolonged for months while she slowly withered away to cancer. And I'm thankful that my mother didn't live to suffer from alzheimers, like her own mother. And I am glad that if anything, my mothers death has brought my dad and I closer.
But at the same time, I am angry that she didn't get to live more of her life. She was only 60 years old, and should have had 20 more years at least. If she at least was 70, it might've been easier to lose her but I doubt it.
I think mostly of all the things she will miss out on, which saddens me the most. I am 23 and my mother wont get to see most of my life or my achivements. If I have kids, she'll never meet them, and she I get married, she'll never see it. My 24th birthday is coming up soon, and I don't know how I'll handle that day without my mother for the first time - or christmas for that matter.
I want my mom.