Pills that with nucyn start

Yesterday was my first 3 months on 2mg daily sublingual estradiol and my 1st checkup to do bloodwork. After doing the bloodwork (easypeasy), I discussed some of my changes and asked some questions and talked about my next steps.
Crying and low libido were the first immediate changes in the 1st week. By the end of the 1st monthn my breasts have started to hurt and (if I have measured myself correctly both before and after) have noticed some size growths and reductions (especially in height by some cm). Skin might have then started to soften, but this is hard to tell because my body hair grows so fast and still makes my skin feel rough. Shortly before the end of the second month, my boobs started to grow to noticeable peaks, which may mean, according societal norms, I would no longer be appropriately allowed to expose my bare chest to the public. About 2 and a half months in, I noticed after shaving that some parts have started to grow in slower, thinner, and blonder (especially the face). My mom has also said around this time that (though other factors have likely more to do with this) my hair has grown fuller. I could tell there also was a bit more hair around my receding hairline. During this time, however, I have been lazier about shaving and dressing femme despute being out to a lot of people (shaving and skincare is rough). Of course, I am still scheduling to get electrolysis and laser hair removal starting in July.
My nurse I went to at Planned Parenthood even said she could tell I looked different since the last time. Some tips she gave me were how to better time taking the pills and that it is perfectly safe to swallow the sublingual pills without dissolving in the mouth or cheek. She also said I'll get the results in a few days and she'll talk about upping the dose and more then via phone call. She seemed pretty confident my levels are okay.
About 20 minutes ago, I got a copy of my lab results. My testosterone levels are 344 ng/dL and my estrogen levels are 384 pg/mL.

This may be a long post as I’m going to start from the beginning and give as much information as I can about why I have the concerns I do. It was back in 2019/2020 I was 21 when I had developed a very bad tooth ache but was in denial of going to the dentist for whatever unknown reason. But to help with the pain I was loading myself down with ibuprofen multiple times a day. Then comes the next part where I decided to sell the car I had which I loved in order to get an upgrade but unfortunately the car market went crazy and there I was stuck without a car for a month stressing night and day trying to find one, basically eating ibuprofen like a snack because of a rotten tooth. Then one day just when I thought I was getting everything back together came the sudden urgency to rush to the bathroom, the cramps, the throwing up, bloody stool, all of it. I went months with these symptoms thinking they would go away thinking it was just a symptom of the amount of ibuprofen I had consumed and the stress from not having a car for a month. After having dropped from 200lb to 160lbs and multiple doctors visits I finally made my way to a gastroenterologist. One colonoscopy later he’s just positive it’s UC so he puts me on prednisone and BAM immediately within days no more symptoms I’m talking months of these issues and with that magic little pill I could eat and not have to be running to a bathroom every 2 minutes. Since then I have been on humira for the last 3 years eating what I want just living my life normal and I haven’t had a single flair or any symptoms like I had since the day they quit. I’ve have multiple colonoscopies since and even my doctor is amazed at how fast I’ve healed and stayed in remission because as he said almost 3/4 of my colon was inflamed. I’ve recently came across some stories of people being misdiagnosed is why I’m here. I can’t help but wonder could it have happened to me or could I just be one of the very lucky ones with this disease? As I like to tell people the hardest part about this disease for me is dealing with the insurance people lol. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my end dreaming that I had just produced the perfect storm of stress and to much ibuprofen (it even says on the bottle it can cause the symptoms I had but my doctor denies it). Any input would be greatly appreciated!

I am about 3 1/2 weeks in taking 300mg of SR a day, 150 in the morning and 150 in the evening before I go to sleep.
I have to say the side effects have been pretty bad. Some irritability, some anxiety, I forget what I’ve done earlier in the week, it’s different every day - but what has been constant is the dry mouth, especially at night. I sometimes wake up 5 to 6 times a night because of the dry mouth, and in general haven’t been sleeping well. And my dreams are absolutely insane, like epic 6 hour movies every night with multiple plot twists and terms… I’ve been taking a dry-mouth mouthwash at night which helps a little.
I have tried three different types of SSRIs in the past, and had crazy intense dreams with every one of them. Very often I’d be trying to achieve something and just couldn’t. Like trying to get to the airport and not being able to find my things to pack. Or having to perform poetry in front of huge crowds (I’m a spoken word artist), but not being able to remember my lines. The dreams were also often violent or disturbing.
I would wake up exhausted from all the mental journeys I had been on. I took half a mild sedative each night (quetiapine) which helped to not remember them much in the morning, so I was waking much more rested.
And now I’ve switched to bupropion in the hopes that I can find a medicine that doesn’t give me the crazy dreams. However, they persist. They are on the whole gentler but just as vivid. Combined with waking up from dry mouth - but then I’ll just go to sleep and pick up where I left off or start a new vivid dream. I’ve been taking a whole 25mg pill of quetiapine (twice what I was on with SSRIs), and still have restless sleep.
I’ve wondered whether taking bupropion before bed is contributing to my lack of sleep? I’ve also wondered about lowering my dose, and whether that would help with the effects. My question to you all is whether you experienced less side effects when switching from 300mg to 150?
I’m saying all this, I realise I’m only a few weeks in. And I am starting to feel more energised and focused during the day. I do intend to stay at this dose for at least a few more weeks to give things a chance to settle, and then decide what to do.
But I’m feeling at a bit of a loss right now, having tried four medications to treat depression and anxiety, and feeling quite disillusioned and despairing at this point with all the side effects.
Any advice or stories of your experience welcome.

I'm 26F partner is 33M. We have been together for years, married for 1 year. We have twin 1 years olds.
I was super naive i worked all the time up until having the kids. We would hang out after work then pass out. No surprise, we were exhausted.
Then I have the kids, quit the job, am home all the time, and I start to see.. everything I blinded myself to.
He probably spent... 30k in the past two years. He needs to take 4 to 5 pills throughout the day not to start withdrawals.
So... I gave an ultimatum that I control all the money because he was leaving us destitute.
I love him and have tried to leave but always fail. I think of my kids not having their daddy. He uses all the tactics but never follows through with getting himself the help he needs.
We are now at the point of resenting each other.
I've considered leaving, putting the kids in daycare, and living in low income housing but... how is that what is really best for them? I'm with them all the time when he is home so please don't call me out for endangering them I'm doing my best.
Or am I? Am I wrong? What do I do? I've never been so depressed. We can't afford therapy.

Hi there!
For a little context i’m very sensitive to everything. Lots of allergies, random rashes, swollen lymph nodes, and other mysterious health issues. Sensitive to changes in hormones, routine, environment, etc. it’s annoying as hell. anyway:
I’ve been dealing with an itchy, inflamed, stinky scalp for the longest time. I have very good hygiene and have tried everything pretty much every active ingredient you can think of, OTC, rX, AVC, etc. It flares up/gets worse (as does my eczeme) when i’m about to get my period, stressed, or if im getting sick. There’s times it’s so bad I can’t sleep and have to shower in the middle of the night to soothe it. and i can smell it on myself and it drives me crazy.
here’s the weird plot twist though: the smell, itching, and even oiliness???? is controlled when i take an anti-histamine. i get spring allergies, (shocker!) and on days id take an allergy pill id notice significant improvement in my scalp. what does this mean??? also, i should add ive tried many different shampoos (medicated, sensitive, baby, etc) and im more allergic to some than others, but when im using a shampoo im not irritated by during use, the discomfort doesn’t start until hours after washing, so i don’t think its an allergic reaction. plus, i don’t think that would explain the smell/oil/even inflammation over.
has anyone else had a similar issue? pls help 🩵

To whoever might listen. I (F27) have been struggling with those thoughts for a couple of years now. After changes in my work I moved abroad and the beginning was super difficult. No friends, different culture, stressful work environment and unfortunate housing situation with roommates. Started medication almost 2 years ago (a bit after my move abroad) and afterwards my mood has been improving and worsening at times. I am in a bad place for quite some time now, maybe half a year non stop. Nightmares, crying at random times in the day, feel like everyone is pretending to like me/care about me. I am falling behind at my work and feel like I tricked them and don't deserve the salary or opportunities they give me. I feel like a burden to my family, my friends, my partner. I forget to take my pills and hoping I'll mess something so bad I'll die. Can't find the strength to carry on. Sometimes only being in bed is a relief cause i can't really disappoint anyone if I'm not doing silly things. I struggle to even take a bath cause i don't have the strength to focus enough on myself to clean me. Can't see the positive side. I have people that care about me and worry but I feel like if I'm not around they will just be better off without me. I am a constant source of pain and disappointment. I just want for the pain inside me to stop. I just want for someone to understand how hard all of this is. I don't want promises that it will get better. Just someone to understand. Please.

Keep in mind that I live in a country with a good universal health care system, but in my opinion the administrative part works poorly, and as I think this is taking too long, I have come here to ask for help. Also, they have changed my doctor in the middle of the process, which has slowed everything down. (English is my third language, I'm sorry for my mistakes, or if my expressions are not correct).
28F, 1,61m (5'3''), 57kg (125lbs), I take one pill a month of vitamin D, I don't smoke, I drink very very rarely and I don't do drugs.
I first went to the doctor in mid-January for digestive problems. I have always been prone to diarrhea, but the last few weeks it had been worse than usual. A week later I had blood drawn and gave a stool sample. The blood was fine, but I tested positive for Helicobacter Pylori.
10 days of Pylera medication (120 pills) and 2 gastric protectors per day. I had some discomfort but within normal side effects. I was told that I had to wait a month from the end of the treatment until I was tested again to see if we had killed the bacteria. Two weeks after finishing the treatment I started bleeding every time I went to the bathroom. It wasn't red blood, but it wasn't black either. A dark maroon maybe (?) and with small clots. I called the clinic and they told me that unless it got worse I should wait and that at the test they would do at the end of the one month period they would also do a stool blood test. I bled for a week and a half and by the time the test came back it stopped. Obviously I was negative for blood in stool. Also negative for Helicobacter. But less than a week later I bled intermittently again for a couple of weeks.
Since then I have not bled anymore, but my digestion is bad, different from when I first arrived, but bad. I have the feeling that the medication has spoiled me more than helped.
I have a lot of gas. I have never burped unless it was from drinking a lot of carbonated drinks, but now I am burping a lot every day. My stomach is making noises almost every day. I wake up in the middle of the night with a very sore stomach and when I go to the bathroom it's just to fart, I can sit for half an hour waiting for it to pass. I can't go for a run, a quarter of the times I would go to the gym I cancel because I don't feel well or I do an exercise and I feel dizzy. I don't do abdominal exercises because I feel like everything gets too shaken up. Going out with friends has also reduced. I haven't found an eating pattern that feels bad for me, but I have a very varied diet. It's like until I eat I don't know how I'm going to feel that day.
After many appointments with my family doctor I have finally been given an appointment with the specialist, but it is for a month and a bit from now. June 28th (the appointment request was made on May 1st). I started with this in January, I know I don't need to go to the ER, but I'm tired and I want to get back to normal life without worrying if my stomach will react well that day.
Any help would be appreciated.

Sorry in advance, I have spent the last hour googling to no avail.
Been taking vyvanse for a few years and recently switched to brand name Concerta ER, which I understand gets the "ER" from the physical preparation of the pill, whereas Vyvanse sort of uses your body's machinery to do the extending of the release. I actually like it quite a bit; it seems to be a much steadier release than Vyvanse was for me and I don't feel like a husk when it wears off at the end of the day.
I'd been on 60mg vyvanse for a while, then last month started 27mg concerta ER. Yesterday I picked up my new script for 36mg (have to do this song and dance before insurance will let me do Adderall xr am/IR PM) and took it for the first time this morning around 8am. I pooped about an hour ago and there in the bowl was the last two thirds of that 36mg pill!
Other than the new dose, nothing in my morning routine changed. Made an espresso around 945a and chased it down with my usual protein shake. What gives? I've taken an encyclopedia's worth of pills both prescribed and illicit, mine and friends, of all different classes, sizes, and shapes- and can confidently say this is the first time I have ever pooped out anything close to a full pill. Though, this is my first experience with concerta...
Tl;Dr: shit out an almost full 37mg concerta ER something like 5 hours after taking it. Haven't ever shit a pill out before, and still felt/feel the effects of the pill after the dookie. Wat do

Hi everyone!
31 F, I was diagnosed with PCOS at 24, and got of BC last June. After they found I had elevated testosterone and fatty liver. I finished yesterday my 10 days of 10mg of medroxyprogesterone, this time the pills were very kind to me, my mood swings were at a minimum and my cravings were tamable. The one part that sucked were the headaches, first time I had those as side effects but I was fine. Now I wait for my cycle, to start Letrozole on day 3. This cycle is not being monitored. I already had my HSG and both my tubes were clear, my ultrasound also came back clear no significant cysts or string of pearls, so I am very much excited. My husband was also checked and his numbers are all within normal range.
For the past year I have been supplementing on Magnesium, prenatal's, spearmint & zinc (for elevated testosterone), myo-inositol and for the past month I substituted prenatal's for Fertilaid at the request of my OB.
Multiple questions:

1. Should I incorporate Mucinex? If so when should I start taking it and when should I stop?
   
2. Any other supplements I should add?
   
3. How do I track my ovulation? I'm still confused about that.
   

Any other tips and tricks, comments concerns are all welcome. Thank you!
**Baby dust to all of you**

Hi all! I have been an active Birth control user for the last 3 years. Only ever tried pills, but they work fine for me. I recently was switched from Larin FE to Lorena (which is the generic version of Yaz i’m pretty sure?). I had my Larin prescribed to me by a family doctor and it absolutely wrecked my hormones and i constantly had awful acne in my chin and jaw. I saw a gyno for the first time and she recommended Yaz as a BC for my acne. I started it the Sunday of my next period, and experienced spotting the week after that period… I have always had a little more bleeding after switching, but now I’m about 2.5 months in, and haven’t stopped spotting. It’s enough that I’m having to wear panty liners, and there has been a little bit of what looks like clots or lining. Nothing that scares me. But i’m afraid that this spotting isn’t going to end.. I get married in July, and would love for this to be over with by then.. Any suggestions? Is this normal?
thanks :)

Took my girl to MedVet this morning, as she's had a few focal seizures and one grand mal seizure since last Wednesday (I didn't know chewing/drooling she was doing were actually focal seizures the first two times). After bloodwork came back normal today, she was given a script for Keppra. Starting out with 3.5 pills three times a day for three days, then moving to 2 pills three times a day after that (500mg each). Does that dosage seem right? I feel like it's a lot. She's just shy of 65 pounds.

hi everyone. just looking for some support and maybe some advice to get through my current situation.
life has been throwing a lot at me lately. went no contact with my dad, finally starting therapy and getting on meds, and now this.
my partner (22m) and i (25f) moved in together in november after being long distance for the first 1.5 years of our relationship. i left my city to move to his where i knew just about no one. i am making friends though. i have my three cats, he has his corgi and a ferret. we love our little fur family so much. in january, we adopted a new member. a half great dane, half cane corso puppy. two of my favorite breeds. i have had a lot of pets in my life, but none like her. she felt like a soulmate to me. she recently hit six months old. we did some traveling this weekend and our animals stayed with my partners parents while we were out of town. very well taken care of in a house full of love like our own. picked them up after our travels and headed back home on a 5.5 hour drive. all was good until we were about ten minutes from home. i heard her chewing on what i thought was a small empty gatorade bottle. then vomiting. i look back to see she had found a bottle of ibuprofen and had eaten a lot of the pills and was vomiting and looking really woozy and dizzy. we rushed to the emergency vet and they did all they could. she had severe neurological damage and organ dysfunction. she passed with help from the doctors around midnight. i spent my entire savings (~2k) on her care last night which i would do a hundred times over if i had to. i just want my baby back.
i don’t feel real. i don’t feel connected to my body. everything is so surreal. i can’t help but think if only i had put the bottle in a suitcase or somewhere safer or looked and didn’t just assume it was the gatorade bottle … she’d still be here. it’s been about 12 hours and my partner and i are drained to say the least. i feel very lucky that we have each other.
we get her ashes and paw prints in a week or so.
being home without her is too sad. i feel guilty and lost. i can’t think straight. i can’t even lie and pretend i even want to be alive right now.
any unique/special ideas of ways to honor her and grieve? anything is appreciated. this sure is a learning lesson. she was such a special soul.
ps. sorry if this was long winded.

TRIGGER WARNING : sexual assault briefly mentioned, no graphic story.
Hello everyone, I am writing this to see if anyone has had the same experience as me or if I’m losing my mind. (Sorry if it is long)
Life has always been pretty traumatic for me.. abusive biological father, a pill popping mom that loves the brother more, SA by family and then friends as I got older. Took friends to court and won the first in high school, the second ended very traumatic and lost. My best friend of 10 years walked out of my life on a random Tuesday with no explanation. All of this to give you an idea that I’ve had and dealt with PTSD pretty much my whole life.
Well soon after the trial ended horrible, bestfriend walked out, and I got a life altering medical diagnosis, I began to feel like life wasn’t real. So much so that for the past 2 and a half years I have suffered with extreme derealization and disassociation, school has been extremely difficult since I can’t remember anything anymore. I can’t recall what day or time it is and I can no longer recall conversations anymore, every car ride feels like I blacked out. Crippling depression and anxiety slowly started along with migraine attacks that have put me in the emergency room. The migraines made my depression and anxiety worse and have started to ruin my quality of life.
I started Wellbutrin XL over 6 months ago, and it helped a little but not much, just enough to get me through the semester. After doing so much research.. am I suffering with ADHD and that traumatic event caused all of these issues?

Good morning! The sun is out! We’ve been having a thick marine layer in SoCal, so I’m happy to see some blue sky! 60 f menopausal 5’7” SW 190.6 CW 183.6 GW 155 I started tirz on 5/11, so that’s 7 lbs in 10 days! I know I won’t lose that fast for next almost 30 lbs, but I’m happy to see that I’m moving in the right direction. I took 1.25 mg on 5/11, and 1.5 mg on 5/18. The appetite suppression waned on day 6 on the 1.25. I am micro dosing as suggested by Dr. Tyna (to be found on YouTube.) I liked her ideas, but not her $2K fee to take her course, so I decided to experiment on my own as I’m looking to take the lowest effective dose for me. I’ll decide if I need to titrate up this coming Saturday, 5/25. I’m having minimal side effects: dry mouth, sometimes a metallic taste, and low grade nausea. I also follow a lady on TikTok, “Chas everyday”. She’s a spokesperson for Valhalla Vitality. She lost 145 lbs. I also get my tirz from them. She’s lovely, down to earth, and has a ton of excellent info on how to make tirz work for you. Lastly, I recently watched a YouTube video on The Diary of a CEO in which the author interviewed was Johann Hari. He is an investigative journalist and recently published a book called “Magic Pill: The Extraordinary Benefits and Disturbing Risk of the New Weight-loss Drugs”. He has an interesting POV because he has used the drugs himself. He gives an excellent and nuanced overview of sema and tirz. I wish everyone well on their health journey! I hope this is the last thing I have to try. I’ve kept off 25 pounds for 2 years twice, and this last regain was 25 pounds plus. I broke my foot, and had to have surgery, along with a change to a stressful job. The tirz was the only thing that reversed the regain.

Hello ladies,
An example which is happening all the time: Today I got up at 2pm, because I didn’t wanna do anything before, and started doing chores. I began with folding my laundry and thought about cooking afterwards. I went to the kitchen and started cooking 4 meals at the same time. At the meantime I rinsed the dishes, fed my cat and stroked my cat. First I wanted to sit down after being done with cooking but then I was like “come on prepare some salad and then go sit”. When I opened the refrigerator to get the lettuce I stopped and swallowed my pill while the refrigerator was still open. First I planned on using only lettuce but I kept and kept adding more and more ingredients. When I was done I didn’t sit down again and went to scoop the litter of my cat, clean the sink and the toilet because I thought I will sit when I am done with doing that. But again I didn’t sit down and went on setting the table. I didn’t sit down for 4-5 hours straight. This is almost always like this. Random things keep popping up in my head and I never get to sit down how I planned. Now my feet hurts like most of the time when I act like this. It is like I am pushing my limits all the time by seeing how much I can do without resting. Does this sound like ADHD?

For some context, I (19F) live with my parents and my brother (22M). My parents share a bathroom, and unfortunately I have always been forced to use the same bathroom as my brother.
My brother is high-functioning autistic, while I am diagnosed with my own plethora of mental disorders & impairments, the one that affects me the most being Borderline Personality Disorder, developed due to the way my parents treated me or rather neglected my emotional needs as a child and consistently prioritized my brother over me. To the extent of sending me away to my grandparents house for the first 12 years of my life because my parents found it easier to send me away than have to punish my brother for the way he abused me in childhood and have to constantly hear my pleads for help.
Over the last 2-3 years there has been a consistent issue with my brother spending his "shower time" in the bathroom picking at his feet, and then walking across the bath mat we have in there and leaving blood stains all over it. I struggle heavily with the fear of "contamination" and coming in contact with another persons blood, vomit, defecation, or mucus is enough to send me over the edge into a breakdown, I find it absolutely disgusting and it's something that I can't break out of even with therapy or medication.
I have to consistently take the blood-covered bath mat out of the bathroom to avoid stepping on it when I get out of the shower and to avoid walking across it when I have to use the toilet. At least once a week I have to throw the mat into the garage for my dad to use peroxide to clean out the stains because I physically cannot do it without gagging and throwing up. My PHYSICALLY DISABLED dad is the person that always ends up having to clean out the blood stains from my brother, because my brother has mastered the art of weaponized incompetence.
He will stand there and act stupid, pretend not to know where things are or how to clean things properly to the point where my dad will just say "fuck it let me do it myself since you cant". He does this to get out of almost anything he doesn't want to do. My brother is high-functioning autistic, not slow or stupid. He is advanced and smart and most certainly capable. I have watched him manipulate my parents since I was a little kid and it infuriates me.
About a year ago I reached my breaking point with the bath mat. I went in the bathroom to use the shower and there were deep blood stains ALL over the mat, not even an inch of space that was safe for me to step on. This started to send me into a breakdown and pissed me off to the point of a rage episode. When I brought it up, my brother tried to gaslight my parents into believing that the blood stains were from my period, when I hadn't had a period in well over a year because I have been on progesterone (a pill that prevents a period) since the beginning of 2023. Not to mention even if I was having my period, it's not like I would be free bleeding in the bathroom and leaving a bunch of toe-print stains all over the bath mat. TMI but I used tampons, it's not like when I had a period I was experiencing leakage.
Then, when the period excuse didn't work on my parents, he started to try and manipulate them into believing that me leaving a hairbrush/toothbrush on the counter, or having a bottle of shampoo in the shower, or sometimes leaving a shirt or towel on the floor (I would put a shirt or towel over the bathmat to avoid stepping in blood) was somehow equal and justified to him leaving blood all over the floor, and what pissed me off the most is that my parents agreed with him.
All 3 of them told me that I was overreacting, that I was being dramatic, and what hurt me most of all is my mom saying "Well if you hate living here so much, get the fuck out. Move out. Find somewhere else to go." Simply because I had an issue with stepping in someone elses biohazard.
Because I don't have the option to move out or go anywhere, I was forced to just shut up about it and hope that things would get better. I told my parents that "I'll keep the bathroom clean, there won't be any more towels on the floor, or hairbrushes on the counter, I won't leave shirts in the bathroom anymore, so I expect my brother to uphold his end of the deal and not leave blood on the mat anymore considering somehow those things are "equal".
It's been a year since then. I have not left clothes in the bathroom, I have not left towels on the floor, I have not left anything that belongs to me out on the counters other than my toothbrush which I use twice a day, and there is still blood being left on the bath mat. I am still begging my parents to this day to hold him accountable or do something about the fact that he won't stop doing it. He doesn't pick his feet in his room, blood is not an issue anywhere else in the house BUT the bath mat, and at this point I'm taking it personally because I've expressed to him before how much it bothers me, he simply just doesn't care, and this isn't the only "contamination" issue I have with him when it comes down to sharing a bathroom.
He also loves to spit toothpaste gunk and mucus all over the faucet when he brushes his teeth. It's like aiming into the sink is impossible for him. It gets all over the faucet, the faucet that I have to touch to turn on/off the water to wash my hands which defeats the purpose of washing my hands because the second my hands are clean I have to touch something that's covered in another persons spit to turn off the damn water.
I can feel myself slowly reaching the breaking point that I had last year, and every single time I bring up the bloody bathmat to my parents, I get met with "We will talk to him" or "There's nothing we can do". They don't see it as a big issue, because they don't live with it or use that bathroom. I'm also not allowed to use my parents bathroom, so I'm stuck using the one I share with my brother.
Every time I get upset about the bathmat I'm treated like I'm crazy, like I'm insane and being overdramatic and irrational. I get treated like I'm selfish and that I'm an asshole who takes my living situation for granted, like I'm a spoiled brat for requesting the simplest amount of human decency and consideration. It's gotten to a point where I've had to rely on substances just to not be as bothered by that damn bathroom. I'm forgetting what day it is, what year it is, if I've eaten that day, what I've done that day, my perception of the passing of time has gotten so fucked up from the substance use because it offers me the small little bit of relief that my parents or my brother refuse to give me.
I talked to my mom about it today, and I got once again met with the "I'll talk to him", but they never do. I know this is going to continue regardless of what they say to me, because them putting in the effort to hold my brother accountable is more work for them, and ever since childhood, they would rather just let me suffer and deal with it because it's easier.
I genuinely have no idea what to do. I have no idea how to stop this or put an end to it, but I can feel myself reaching my breaking point again, and the last time I went through that intense rage episode it scared me. Being consumed with that much rage to the point of feeling physically exausted from the amount of adrenaline and anger that festered within me for so long, I don't like that feeling, the feeling of wanting to punch, kick, scream at, and hurt another human being because the rage inside of me is so powerful and debilitating that holding it inside physically hurts. I'm not a hurtful person, I don't want to ever put hurt on another person or harm others, but this has begun to change me as a person and I don't like what it's doing to me.
If you have any advice or ideas, things that won't resort in me being homeless, please let me know. I don't know what to do and this is destroying me from the inside out.

Sorry for the word vomit that is about to follow. It’s a wall of text and I apologize. <••••••••>
I’m having this dilemma rn 🫠 I’m def trans-masc, but I was leaning more to masc-nonbinary bc I think I might be repping a bit and not allowing myself to think abt identifying more as a guy. I’ve had demiboy whispering (and now screaming) in my head for a few years, and I feel like that’s what I would want to be. I have voice and top dysphoria, I don’t like my name or being identified with female/fem identifications so much it makes me nauseous (minus being referred to as “mom” to my pets). I look very fem and ppl just assume, i get it, but at least a good handful of my coworkers and all my friends have really started using they/them for me since the new year started but none of my family does. I’ve already (not legally) changed my name 2 years ago (a shorter version of my deadname that’s more gender neutral) and my family and friends all call me by it…. but… okay this’ll sound crazy, lmk if I’m crazy… I’ve had this other person in my head since elementary school … and he is me and I am him and he goes by a different name and uses he/they and he’s everything I want to be. (Damn writing that has me in tears, was not expecting that). He’s changed a bit over the ears with me as my interests and goal of what piercings or tats I want change but overall he’s been the same. He’s me but better. And a guy. Or well a demiboy technically.
I’m too scared to look into medically transitioning right now, and I tried binding but since I’m a bigger person it didn’t work out very well. I’ve started my weight loss journey a week ago so I’m hoping this will help in my binding attempts. I’ve been coping by using meladaptive daydreaming as my escape, so I can be the guy in my head w/o feeling too.. like.. like I’m contaminating him? I worry that if I try to medically transition, I wont be exactly the guy in my head and my attempt would be a mockery of him. Again he’s still me just.. I might’ve idolized him after all these years 😅.
(not scared of my family- they are accepting, if not a little confused and I genuinely just don’t have the patience or the right words to explain it. Plus i feel like my dad would think it’s a bad idea to be trans/identify as trans bc it’ll turn me into a target. He would probably think its not logical and i would be taking unnecessary risk. He says stuff like I shouldn’t put pride stickers or my Baphomet sticker on my caanywhere where the public eye can see bc it’ll make me a target, but I already am one by existing, even if I was cis-het I would still be one so.. idk. My dad is kind and means well, but he’s very efficient and see’s most things as inefficient and will always discourage it)
Not to mention, I have a new coworker WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE GUY IN MY HEAD AND EVEN GOES BY THE SAME NAME!!! It scared me so much and idk how to talk to him sometimes. Saying his name makes my stomach churn.
I’m sorry to anyone who reads this, it’s just a huge repper’s rant by now. I’m a bit self aware but also too anxious to try. There’s a lot HRT would fix for me (voice, muscle mass, eventual top surgery), but theres some (like skin health, smell, and hair loss/hair growth) that I don’t really want.. are there any gels or pills for the hair loss part? I already have a massive forehead, I don’t want it any bigger.
Again I’m sorry. I’ve heard of others complaining abt the same thing and this community being absolutely done with it lol. If you’ve made it this far, I hope you have a good day 💕

Im 8dpo (31F lap turned abdominal. Kept ovaries and cervix) and i think im past the worst of it. While im still pretty much couch ridden, I figured I would put this out there to maybe help someone else preparing for their surgery! Obviously we all know these experiences are highly personal and will not be exactly like anyone elses experience, but I personally found it helpful gathering peoples experiences and reflecting based on what I know about myself so I thought id write the kind of post Id want to read! I tried to make easy to skim but also included plenty of details!
Heres some things Im glad I did beforehand

• washed and changed my bed sheets -cleaned my bathroom well
• moved things i knew i would need to a hight where I don’t have to bend down to get them. I moved my toilet paper to easy accessible places, my pj shirts and underwear on top of my dresser. Set up a bed stand for water and meds. Also moved my fridge around.
• as for buying stuff, i mostly had everything i needed but was glad to have comfy sweat pants, backless slippers and highwasted underwear. Also those rechargeable battery bricks were handy for charging my phone in the hospital or sitting somewhere not near an outlet. -exercised. Dont stress about this one, i know chronic pain is often the reason for this surgery. I had to stop my routine months before surgery for this reason. But I was glad to be familiar with proper squat form and have strong arms and legs to help get myself up and down without using my core. I also did yoga therapy that helped me understand how to transfer my weight to different parts of my body which helped too!

Heres some things i was extremely stressed about but ended up not being a problem
-Food. My mom came and cooked me some large portion of meals. I ended up throwing most of it away. The idea was to freeze some of it but it was too much of a hassle. I didn’t have much of an appetite and definitely gravitated towards things in the BRAT diet especially bread. I spent the first few days eating like i had the flu and was really sensitive to grease. My mom made wedding soup and it was too greasy. I think i could have survived this week just on a package of bagels and different spreads.
-cleaning and chores. Im pretty sure I have OCD.. this experience has confirmed it. I looked out at my thriving garden yesterday and said to my partner absent mindedly “wow. Things really thrive when im not out there being over involved “ and like wow that is a lesson i did not expect to learn. My partner has been clearing the dishes each day and did some more involved chores once this week. So if you live alone I would advise paper plates and maybe some to help ya once a week for the first week at least.
-in terms of my surgery i was really scared of having a catheter which i did end up needing to have for a day. It was weird but not at all painful. Honestly it was kind of the worst part of my recovery so far just because i felt i had to pee so bad while it was in. Idk if thats typical. Taking it out was not at all painful but also weird. They used the catheter to put sterile water back in my bladder. As soon as i felt a twinge of uncomfortable full feeling i told my nurse. She removed the catheter and i peed it back out no problem.
-being bored. This week has felt like one day. Since it takes me 10x as long to do anything, the days are flying by. I got myself plenty of low key things to do (crafts, activity books, ect) and haven’t even had time to do any of them yet! I still have a feeling this will change in the coming weeks though..
-having enough help. I secretly wished one of my friends or family members would stay with me for a while just so I could be the solo focus of their attention. I live with my partner and two dogs and he has been totally enough support. I needed help getting up and down up until about day 5. He also makes my meals and cleans them up for me and would bring me my meds and water the first few days. I think it makes sense if you live alone to have someone stay a week with you, but ive been fine and honestly anytime someone has come to “help” its just felt draining. I didn’t know how much of a hermit I would wana be.
-my dogs. I piled myself in pillows if i was sitting on the couch with them. I also had a no chew spray near by that we used when they were pups but only had to use it one time. My partner helped to coral them the first few days too. I have not yet been puppy stomped
-the stairs. Its been fine I just have to go slow.
Heres some things I found out along the way that were helpful

• keep cough drops in your pocket. Coughing aint fun and my throat was irritated from being intubated for about 4 days after surgery. Also keep the paper so you can spit em out when they’ve done the job if you want. I started getting a tummy ache from having too many.

-keep lil pillows by your toilet. The hospital gave me one that was plasticy and easy to wipe off (like an outdoor pillow insert). Or even a balled up towel would work. I couldn’t wear a binder because of all my incisions but this helped take the pressure off my stomach/incisions when i needed to have a bowel movement.
-if you stack pillows on either side of you, they can act as “arms” that are handy to push down on when you get up.
-sip your water and take your stool softeners as soon as they say you can! It took me until day 4 to poop but it was no problem when it happened.
-lots of deep slow breaths to calm your nerves and pain.

• those squeezable applesauce packs. Great for when you take your pain pills.

Heres some challenges I encountered that surprised me.
-my throat was so sore! For the first 4 days my throat was irritating, it felt like I had a flap of skin sticking down. The first day it hurt but the rest was just so annoying.

• breathing was a challenge. The first few days i was in bed, it was hard to breathe. I couldn’t take a Deep belly breath because of my incisions. I tried to regularly take a big breath filling my lungs though. Once i started being able to get up and walk around it became less of a problem. I think they have a tool for this at the hospital too but i was not offered it and forgot to ask.

-always laying on my back is getting old. I haven’t quite figured it out yet but im getting there.
-not really a challenge but my lower belly is numb. Apparently that can just happen (even long term). Which has actually been helpful since I can’t feel my lower abdominal incision at all
Lastly!! The pain/symptom scale: Day 0: honestly don’t remember much except feeling i need to pee and my throat being sore. Day 1: was still in the hospital. Pain like cramps and burning pain near certain incisions. I was able to walk the hall but very tired after. Sore throat. Day 2: burning pain near bellybutton incisions. Heavy lung feeling. Left the hospital. Day 3: heavy lung feeling. Pinching pain in incisions whenever I stood or sat. Had some moderate discharge that was yellowish with red and brown. Otherwise no pain Day 4: more like a sharp ache when i stood/sat. Discharge again but a very light amount. Day 5: felt strides..any pain was mild cramping. Tried to shower myself and make myself breakfast which led me to be very tired for the rest of the day. Day 6: most tired yet. Pain the same Day 7: felt like turning a page. Pain very little and energy very good.

One pill makes you larger...one pill makes you small..and the ones that mother gives you...don't do anything at all....sang Grace Slick....
Where was he? He wish he knew. He had been playing on on the web. Starting with vanilla porn. Then kink. Bdsm. Femdom. Chastity play and recently, the last 3 months, findom.
He messed around. Lurked. Started dms and ghosted. Done some silent sends. But nothing seemed to get him off more than recently joining a discord server. Being used by multiple dommes. Having them laugh at him as he was passed from domme to domme. Each draining him a little until he was all used up for the day.
It was early...first coffee not even kicking in...when he saw a dm...from one of the dommes. An invitation. Click if you dare. Follow down the rabbit hole.
He liked her. Loved her. Had wished he was hers but she rejected that. He could never say no to her.
Now this. He opened the link. A flashing message greated him
You have now entered the dark web. Rules do not apply here. Enter at your own risk. Blue pill, you wake up in your own bed. Story ends. The red...
He choose the red.
Upon hitting enter, he felt transported. He was in a dark room. Surrounded by 5 dommes. The head of the dommes, the queen so to speak said "welcome, you who have entered. abandon all hope of a leaving without paying our price".
You have entered a special place. One for whom no cell phone or computer is needed. Think send and it happens. From any of your resources. Bank. Investment. Real estate. Shall we begin?
He could only nod yes. His goddess, dressed in a green shift looked on and smirked.
He woke up. In a daze. In his bed. Thirsty. Dehydrated. Dried Cum all over his bed and body. He picked up his phone. 3 days had passed.
Hell, what happened???
Coming out of his fog. Slowely remembering Send send send send send send send Send send send send and send Send.
Account after account drained to zero. Him allowed to cum after each one.
His heart sunk. He desperately hit each account.
All zeros.
$756,789.00 gone.
All gone.
Post script:
It was a.week later. The queen of the dark web kingdom sat at dinner with her husband. Best steak house in Ny.
Hon, i have good news..
Dinner is on me.
I won the lottery with a bunch of friends!
My half is almost $379 000.
We can buy our house now!
Post post script:
They sat at the lawyers office. Signing papers. The perfect house. For way under market value. The "seller" wanting to help a young couple out. Needing just enough to pay off the mortgage.
They would move in today.
Guess who is moving out?

Hi there, I’m been having a panic attack for the past 2 hours because I’m due to fly from California to London tomorrow (10 hr flight) and London to India on Saturday (10 hr flight). 1 week later I’ll be returning via the same route with a 5 hour layover in London. I’m absolutely terrified of experiencing turbulence on these flights, especially in light of the news this morning about the London to Singapore flight.
My fear of turbulence has more to do with not being in control, not knowing when it’ll start, not knowing how long it’ll last, not knowing if I’ll feel motion sick, not knowing if I’ll have a panic attack, etc. I do understand the statistics regarding injuries and crashes due to turbulence, in that they’re extremely rare. But I panic just thinking about experiencing any level of turbulence due to the discomfort. I feel like I can’t control the physical reaction I have to it.
I really want to cancel my whole trip but I don’t want to let my husband down, as we’re traveling to see his family. But I don’t think I can handle these flights.
I have been prescribed medication to take on the plane if I start to panic, but I don’t know how well it’ll work as I only took it the other day at home as a doctor-advised “test run”. I also have motion sickness/anti nausea pills and patches. I have a book to read, videos downloaded on my phone, and of course the option of in-seat entertainment. I’ve never been able to sleep on a plane due to my fear so entertaining myself is a must. What else can I do? I feel like I’m as prepared as anyone can be, yet I still feel like I need to cancel the trip because I won’t be able to handle the flights. I had to call off sick to work today because I’m in such a bad state…

I’ve been a member of this group for a while and hearing about others experiences has been super helpful so I wanted to share mine and hopefully help someone else. I’ve been on this med for about a year and it’s just now clicking for me. I think the nausea and sleep disruption really made it hard to take the pill daily, even if I didn’t notice that’s what was happening. I also started taking 80 maybe 3 months ago.
But now that I’m at this dose and taking it pretty consistently, I am so happy - less anxiety, way better focus, fewer racing/chaotic thoughts. Is it as effective with task initiation as adderall or something similar? No, but I love not having a racing heart all day at work. I feel like I can have conversations, eat normal amounts of food instead of thinking about food all day, and do my freaking job. I’m not ruled by random unexplainable bouts of anxiety anymore. All of this is helping to heal the deep insecurity I have felt throughout my life due to adhd symptoms.
I can’t imagine another med doing all this for me. It would have been great if it “clicked” for me before a year, but now that it has, I wanted to share that… if you feel like strattera could be effective for you and it’s not working perfectly quite yet, hang in there!