Make speed at home

Ok, as an elementary special education teacher (not teaching in my daughters’ district) I am in need of some advice to help my daughter, almost 10 in 4th grade, to deal with some mean girl behavior at her school. For background, my daughter gets straight A’s in school and always has, does her best to get along with everyone (at home can be a tad bossy with little sister at times), gets great marks in school for her behavior in class and towards others, and has quite a few close friends. She is constantly reading whenever she gets a chance and devours books. She is very musical, plays ukulele and takes lessons outside of the home, and plays cello in the school orchestra. She is super into theater and has done local theater since kindergarten as well as scored the role of the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz in this years 4th and 5th grade drama club show at school. She loves to sing and is in many school clubs including inclusive ones like Best Buddies. I know, I know, she sounds like the perfect kid, but we’ve worked really hard to make sure we are raising her the right way. She is also a huge eco warrior and cares deeply about lots of things. She can give me a hard time at home because she’s a 10-year-old girl, but overall, I couldn’t be prouder of what an amazing person she is turning out to be.
She had casually mentioned to me about this one girl we will call Virginia. She said they were in gym and were practicing balancing tennis balls on racquets while walking and high fiving the other kids. Virginia gave her a high 5 and then immediately said, “Ew, I didn’t know that it was you.” I told her to ignore the behavior as some kids thrive off of making other people feel bad. I asked her if she had done anything to this girl to make her feel that way and she said she couldn’t think of anything because they’ve never even ever had a conversation other than having to work together in partner groups at school in math.
Last week, she mentioned that her, and this other girl, we will call McKenzie, were saying some mean things on the school bus, or else she thought they were talking about her. I again told her not to feed into it as she knows she hasn’t done anything to them, and she couldn’t be 100% sure they were whispering about her. Virginia is supposed to be her seat partner on the bus and has never sat with her. She told me she never said anything to her bus driver about it because she didn’t want to make it worse.
All week, I’ve asked her if things are continuing and she said no. But tonight, as she was getting ready for bed, she let it out that the girls overheard my daughter talking to her good friend “Addie” who lives up the street and is in 5th grade, about my daughters upcoming sleepover for her 10th birthday. They began to hound Addie and ask her if she was really going to go to go to her sleepover, if she was really friends with her, if it was just a pity thing, and if she really actually likes my daughter. I told her that that was crossing a line and they were dipping toes into mean girl behavior and maybe some light bullying.
She also said there was a strong perfume scent on the bus earlier this week. Some kids were complaining about it and the girls blamed my daughter and tried to get others to join in. She is really worried about looking like a tattletale and/or making it worse.
My advice was for her to go to her teacher who she trusts, and ask for time to talk to her about it alone away from the girls (Virginia is in her class). Then, when they talk, let her know what’s happening and how she has been trying to ignore it and deal with it herself but that it’s getting to be too big of a problem. I told her to explain how this has started awhile ago and that she doesn’t know why they’re targeting her as she has no relationship with them at all. They’ve never been in her class until last year. I told her to let her teacher know that she isn’t looking to get them into trouble, but that she wants the comments/mean behavior to stop and she needs help facilitating a girls circle to have the conversation.
My husband wants to have me reach out to the teachegirl’s parents, but I think my approach is a better first step as our daughter needs to advocate for herself and mean girls are something she’ll have to deal with her whole life. This way it’s at least documented if it continues.
Thoughts? Advice?

I work in interior design. My boss asked me to remodel our office expansion, and I put in probably 60 hours of unpaid work designing it because: 1) it was a great portfolio opportunity 2) I’m going to design school 3) my colleagues aren’t on the design side of things (they’re logistics, site managers, etc) 4) I’m the only person in the office who knows how to do CAD/floor plans etc and 5) I love design and wanted to make something beautiful for our office.
Anyway, the desk arrangement/assignment thing for a group is political. And we have a weird loft with inconvenient pillars dividing up the space. I agonized over the desk arrangements and considered everyone’s input. On one side, there were 2 corner desks and I randomly assigned one to my coworker “K” and the other corner desk to myself.
In our current smaller office, I hate how little natural light is at my desk, so I’m always bringing my personal laptop to the tiny lunch table by the window and working there. K literally remarks about how I’m “solar powered” when she walks by. I fall asleep without natural light and can’t focus.
Here’s the problem: now we’re allowed to see the new office space (lease just started) and all the natural light patterns through the day, and my corner is way darker than I thought, and the desk assigned to K is way way brighter. Inevitably, I will be dragging my damn laptop back to the damn lunch table and abandoning my desktop computer and long-awaited new office expansion desk. We haven’t moved all our belongings yet (ie files, desktop computers), but I proposed the plan to everyone with their own personal place, so there is still an attachment/expectation from everyone about where they sit.
Basically I feel entitled to this other desk of my choice because 1) I put in all this work in addition to my normal work, working late, working at home, through lunch, and she didn’t. And the solution here is not for my boss to compensate me for this work because I’d still be mad about where I’m sitting on a daily basis. The solution I want is to sit at the other desk. 2) I’ll fall asleep without natural light. 3) I’ll be resentful pretty much every day while falling asleep in my dark corner.
How can I approach this? My boss doesn’t care at all so it’s my responsibility to sort this out. Obviously I’m upset right now so i need some guidance on how to approach this reasonably—it’s not her fault that I arbitrarily wrote down names at desks. But I feel very strongly about this now with the understanding of the lighting.
Thanks.

i just quit my job and worked my last shift sometime last week, but now i'm freaking out about being able to pay for rent and food and my cat and all that.
for context, i get very overwhelmed at work. when one thing gets overwhelming (say, a customer) all of a sudden the lights become brighter, sounds become louder, and it ends in a meltdown. every shift.
i've worked a few jobs and seem to have the same issue each time (they've all been in customer service). i don't have any degrees but my highschool diploma.
i want to work! i'm thinking working from home or my own sort of business where i work at my own pace would be beneficial to me. but then comes the rent problem.
i've applied for social assistance (ontario works) and disability (odsp) but neither have gotten back to me?? i applied to odsp two months ago and haven't heard anything back. my anxiety is through to roof but i know i really can't work right now.
what should i do? should i keep bugging disability? what sort of jobs would suit an autistic individual like me that gets overstimulated very easily? i can make art and sell commissions, but that won't quite pay the bills either?
any guidance appreciated, thanks in advance!

I hate to be another to add to the rant fest, but I have to say that I am amazed at the number of people that think it is ok to go for a work out, get all smelly, and then just hop into a random person’s car for a ride home. Uh… yes I can smell you and yes I will give you a bad rating for making me smell your stinky sweat all the way to your house or wherever you are going. I would never pick someone up from a gym, but today I had someone just standing outside of an office building that got in my car smelling of sweat. My guess is they had a gym inside their building. But I had no idea until he got in that he was going to be sweaty and smelly. I’ve had other people do similar stuff, almost like they are trying to hide that they’ve been working out and that they stink to make sure they can still get a ride. People are gross. That is all. End rant.

The title is a bit clickbaity i know. There is no end of marriage in this life, or failure of it as it is a covenant with God. Perhaps failed relationship is better suited
I debated whether or not to give the backstory, however I feel I will, but first where things are now.
6 months ago my wife asked to for seperation. She wanted "Freedom & Independence" and didnt want to live together anymore and felt that she had been pressured by her Catholic College and family into getting married in the first place (not me but the sacrament). She had been kicking around religious life, but that was more due to her lack of better options as she had struggled with SSA in her life.
We talked, alot and roughly came to the understanding that we would revisit this when our last child was out of the house (we have three all 8-11). She had also wanted to have her "own space" and wanted to build a small tiny house in the backyard where "everything would be how she liked it".
Background
She had relationships with girls in her teens, then a boyfriend who she described as having raped her. I am still struggling to understand what this means exactly as she has given different accounts that vary from consent but then regretted after to more of a consent after relentless asking.
This set her off into full SSA relationships. She then went to a very Orthodox Catholic college but was looking for female connection of that sort. She ended up pulling in her roomate and best friend who then at the end of the first year contacted her mother about the relationship and how sorry she was for being involved, but that she (my wife) needed help.
There was some intervention, praying over her (mother is very charismatic) and then she was ok for awhile. She then was on Catholic SSA support groups but then used that to find people to have emotional long distance relationships with. She had a bunch of SSA relationships during this time. Still struggling with this and her faith she leaned towards religious life, like i imagine alot of attempting to be faithful SSA Catholics do. If i cant be married then i guess its priesthood/sisters. While she was praying at one point she asked God for a sign of where shes supposed to go. she then saw a famous saint holding flowers, but not the same flowers they are normally depicted with. She realized this was her sign.
We met and during the course of the courtship I wasnt the best Catholic, I was just getting back on track in living my faith and realized i needed to seek out women who were going to help me on the path and not drag me off, or let me drag myself off (hold me to account). She always liked a purple so those were the flowers i always got. We had long discussions about the future and she was very honest in that she wasnt sure she was called to marriage. she was still figuring it out. Her mother asked if the sign was given yet, and it hadnt.
That same day of the call with her mom I ended up getting, for no reason in my mind, a different set of flowers. ones that matched perfectly the type and color her sign had been. After that she was convinced. We began to plan for marriage and did all the marriage prep. Talked alot about her past, was told it was in the past and not anything she struggled with anymore and that marriage is forever no matter what.
Throughout our marriage I readily admit i wasnt the best husband at times. I was always trying to find extra ways to make money and develop a business i could run so that, in my mind, I could set our lives up around what we wanted to do, have our own schedules, travel with the kids whenever, etc. I focused on that alot. I spent many if not most nights working on that. She was neglected. She did however all during that time say supportive things, saying i need to keep going, i believe in you, etc etc. The feelings of neglect were never brought up by her (now I can see it very clearly and feel terrible about it, wish i could change it)
At the same time i was dealing with things from the war and secretly drinking those nights as well. I didnt go out. I didnt cheat or anything i just drank to forget. About 5-6 years ago i realized i couldnt control it like i thought i could and stopped completely and then i realized that i had been taking her for granted and neglecting her. I stopped my projects and began to actually spend quality time together. Things were really good. She was also going through therapy to deal with her past and that had brought things up, she had started drinking as well, but we were both moving towards good things. She got pregnant and then things really got perfect.
We were close, spent nights out together, talked, she started to talk about wanting to be more feminine, grow her hair out longer than shoulder, wear dresses etc. I was amazed and thankful to God that he had helped her get in touch with her feminity in a deeply maternal way.
Then....we lost the baby.
We had miscarriages before, and its not to make it sound routine, but from our experiences in the past I knew she would want space, take up the slack, keep up with the housework, do things that made her feel appreciated etc. I did that. I think i gave her too much space. She began to spend more and more time with a friend (Female) go out late, drink, etc.
I very bluntly asked if anything weird was going on she denied it. I began to have more and more panic attacks as I was completely convinced my marriage was over. She continued to deny it, but never stopped spending more and more time with this person. Obsessing over everything in her life and her marriage, her problems. Husband is out of town she needs to stay there until late because other girl doesnt like being alone in the house, husband is back, she needs to go out because the friend is having marriage issues. They start smoking weed together and things get worse and worse. Finally she comes back from a "girls" weekend and breaks down admitting "you are right, i am attracted to her" and "I dont know if i can stay straight for you"
We talk alot, when it comes to me saying they cant hang out anymore she then quickly reverses course and its no longer repentance and needing to change, but "not wanting the devil to win....not wnating to lose another friendship" and wanting to bring her friend "into the church". I was told I was putting all the blame on the friend and that wasnt fair.
Looking back i realize i should have drawn a line in the sand. I should have done alot of things differently but i cant change that now.
The friendship and the obsession continued. The bringing the friend to church was BS as she told her about the rosary for one night and then after that just more weed smoking (its better than drinking and its natural....)
Then finally im heading to a retreat at a monastery and i get a call that they arent friends anymore, she sad. Im happy. Ok i think, we can finally put this behind us. By the time im heading to the airport after the weekend shes back as friends.
Fast forward some months and then she has to talk to me about how shes never been comfortable with physical intimacy (marital act) because of her past and she doesnt think she can handle being pregnant ever again (understandable to a degree) so shes not sure she can be physically intimate anymore. I say outwardly that If i need to do this for her I can manage whether its months or years, sure. inwardly im thinking this is just another step in the wrong direction, but im still praying. Im still trying to maintain hope
Then something happens i dont know what. Her friend is moving and is getting a divorce soon afterwards but they had a fight and got blocked on everything. My wife is distraught, basically shuts down for 2 months. I have been over those two years basically doing everything in the house. from laundry to meals to cleaning. She does some things, but i do the vast majority. I do it so she can see i care, but she doesnt care. We had been in counseling during this time, but she would say things, we would talk, she would say its working, but it wasnt she was lying and holding back.
After this friend left. she ended up finding a new one. Same MO. mentally wonky, isolated, no friends and then they became inseparable. within a year im completely zonked mentally and spiritually i cant handle it and it comes to a head. She breaks down about how her losing the old friend hurt her so bad because there wasnt "closure" which in my experience with her and other friendships just means long talks until they are friends again. She talks about how they were making all these plans and were going to raise the kids together because we werent working (hard to work on the marriage with that going on i would think?)
So thats a light outline of the background and now back to beginning. Asked for separation and now were just "co parenting" under the same roof.
My greatest fear and what advice im seeking is
i worry heavily about the souls of my children and what a divorce (civil i know theres no such thing in the eyes of God) would do them. I see it kids everywhere. Is it better to maintain a facade for them or will the realization down the road scandalize them out of their faith? Will a separation now scandalize them out of the faith?
Is allowing them to grow up in a home where Mom/Wife is gone constantly to "hang out with her friend" going to scandalize them in their future relationships, because for my daughters if they are with any man worthy he wont tolerate that (what does that say about me right?)
So im left with two options, which i dont know which to pick? I care about the faith and souls of my kids and wife, which is best?
1) Continue the facade and chance scandalizing them in the future where they lose trust in the faith i tried to pass along to them and about marriage in general? Give them the wrong example of how a marriage is supposed to be with her as an example of womanhood?
Will my steadfastness in trying to hold the marriage together in hope for reconciliation in the future be a good example of what marriage is for them or just a scandal to avoid? or God forbid repeat?
2) Allow the separation and the fantasy land of "independence" that she dreams of show its true face and that all that lies ahead is barely scrapping by because even in the best alimony imaginable she couldnt afford to keep the house and pay the bills, we barely do together now.
Will my "giving up" scandalize them in the same way
to answer any questions you may have

1. i have talked to a priest about this, i am in contact with a counselor at our diocese that is very orthodox about the situation
2. She says her current friendship isnt "like that" ie like before which infers even more so that I was right about the last friend. She doesnt acknowledge that emotional affairs exist or understand proper boundaries between say a friendship and the emotional nature of a romantic relationship. It seem she thinks as long as nothing physical happens its basically all Kosher. I think growing up with SSA makes it hard as you are attracted romantically to girls but also friends with them so those proper boundaries are never formed mentally as the perversion of SSA is deep.
3. I know marriage is forever. regardless of what the other person does. There are no grounds for annulment as there we both consented fully at the time of the sacrament. She is in the process of the rewriting history of our relationship to sound more like she didnt have full consent "i was pressured...." perhaps to make herself feel less culpable for the present or perhaps in misplaced compassion to give me an "out"

Thank you, Pax et Bonum

In a lot of space shots of fleets in “open space establishing shots” often just have random fighters flying about, particularly with Tie Fighters flying in random patterns around Star Destroyers. Now, what are those ships doing in universe?
I am not talking about space battles or situations like the Emperor being flown by an Tie Fighter escort to the Death Star, I am talking about a fleet sitting about, such as as in various shots of the Empire Strikes back where Vader’s fleet is talking about where the Rebels are.
I am also aware out of universe why as having tiny ships which we can imagine at a humanist scale give a a prospective on the size of the massive Star Destroyers. I am curious if there is any in universe justification for farting about just outside the Star Destroyer. They are not really patrolling because they are sitting in spitting distance of their Star Destroyed and their are in open space so there is nothing for them to be looking behind. If anything their presence outside of the ship means any light speed jump would require the Star Destroyer gather its fighter contingent before making the jump. What are all the pilots doing?

…or, subtitled, “My belated review of the Pittsburgh show”. 😄 I haven’t had time to relate everything that I wanted to say about this outstanding show until now, and I wanted to do it before this leg of the tour ends in a few hours.
I didn’t have a ticket for this show originally. I just bought a resale ticket last Monday (the 13th) on the floor just behind the GA area. It was a great ticket too - it was dead center, and the cost was very reasonable (in fact, even with all of the ridiculous fees, it was still only $116 altogether - I’m convinced the seller sold it for the same price they payed originally. Thank you, original ticket holder! 🙏)
So, why did I choose to go to this show in particular? Several reasons (one of which being that I was unfairly denied a chance at buying a GA ticket for this show originally because of the limited advance notice of the Ether Pass presale - I found out about it less than an hour after it started, but of course all the GA was sold already. 🙄 Powers-that-be-in-the-GVF-universe, give more advance notice for Ether Pass presales! They aren’t infected with scalpers like the Electric Tomb and Peaceful Army ones are - TELL US THE NIGHT BEFORE, NOT THE SAME DAY! Rant over.), but the main reason really was the chance to see Mirador in addition to GVF. I was very intrigued by this unexpected new band, and, since I couldn’t be certain that they were going to play live again past May, I had to jump at this opportunity. My parents’ families are also originally from Western PA, so this was a homecoming show of sorts for me as well. So, I secured the ticket and prepared to make my trek from Eastern PA to Western PA, a.k.a., driving almost the full extent of the Pennsylvania Turnpike. 😄
I planned my trip really well. I got up in plenty of time to make the trip leisurely to Pittsburgh, go to my hotel and relax before the show, have a meal, and then be entertained by wonderful bands all night. Well, plans and reality, tragically, don’t always match. I was reminded of that fact very painfully this past Saturday.
I’m driving in town, right at the beginning of my trip…and my car just completely dies about 2 miles from my house! 😩 I had no warning that this was about to occur. However, there was a silver lining to breaking down this early: if I could get the car to the garage somewhat quickly, I could borrow a car and still make it to Pittsburgh before the show started. I called AAA, got the tow truck arranged, and he showed up 2 hours later. Not good - but not so late that I couldn’t make the trip still. He, after much research, figured out how to get my car onto the truck (this was tricky because the car had no power at all, so it couldn’t be started), and he used to work at the garage that I wanted my car towed to! This was the first bit of good fortune - a sign that the Universe was still looking out for me. We were still good to go! I got the car to the garage, got back home to borrow another car, and still had time to make the cross-state drive in time to see the show!
Since I lost 2 hours that I didn’t know I’d be losing, that made taking rest stops along the way rather interesting. 😄 I thought I’d have plenty of time to eat, use the restroom occasionally, etc. - no, that’s not how it went down. I did manage two stops on this 5-hour drive that, miraculously, only took 4 hours and 15 minutes. (I’ll have to research whether or not cars can perform time warps at high speeds, but, based on this trip, I think they might be able to! 😄) Eating was a bit funny too - to save time, I had to eat while driving. While eating, I discovered that Burger King added mayonnaise to my Impossible Whopper when I asked them not to (I’m allergic to mayonnaise). So, I had to dispose of the top bun and attempt to consume the rest while somehow keeping my hands clean from the other condiments. This also stretched the boundaries of physics, but I somehow managed to do it without too much trouble (while traveling at Warp Speed, mind you).
I got to the hotel 30 minutes before Mirador (one of the two reasons I made the trip) was hitting the stage. I was checked-in ASAP (the clerk could see my sense of urgency bordering on panic), and told me how to walk to the arena (I chose this specific hotel so that I could walk to the arena). If you haven’t been to Pittsburgh before, the streets are arranged like a 3-dimensional chess board, as most cities are that are built on river valleys. One wrong turn and I would find out why Christopher Nolan shot the third “Batman” film here - and, with my luck, probably run into Bane. However, the Universe was looking out for me again, and I got to the arena and to my seat about 3 minutes before Mirador took the stage. Phew! 😅
Well, I loved Mirador, and I was happy that I got to see them. They were worth all the trouble. And, as an added bonus, GVF put on a blindingly good show! 😃 They were in great spirits all night, the “Saturday night” vibe had everyone in a good mood. I had more stress than I thought I would ever have before this show, but, when it was all said and done, the effort was totally worth it! I would have given up on the trip if it had been any other band - but there was no way I was missing this show unless it had been literally impossible to get there in time. Fortunately, it was merely highly inconvenient to get there in time! 😄
Thank you, Mirador and GVF, for making my trip worth it! 🙏 See you again in Uncasville (and from GA this time too)! Namaste. 🙏

As the title suggests, I shared with my mom and dad about some abuse I received as a child. Background. I am 28 (m) and currently living back with my parents to save for a home. This has been great for our relationship as I feel closer than I ever have. Today we discussed my struggles with some relationships in my life and how my brother and I’s relationship has been fractured recently. My mom brought up at one point about how she regrets telling her children about her abuse she suffered as a child at the hand of her step-father. She told us when we were young adults, she thinks this is why my brother has separated himself. She asked if this is why I also struggle with our family bond and I said no. She asked what struggles my past relationships have had on myself and why I am struggling at dating currently. I told her no and that I’ve been working on myself and addressing past trauma to move forward. (I’m focused on saving and building a life independently before pursing a relationship) She asked and I told her that my childhood friend abused me as a child and that it had really made physical contact tough. I have since addressed that and I am aware of how it has affected me. It was 20 years ago and I’ve spent the last 10 years focusing on understanding what that trauma means to me. It’s been brought up in my past relationships but never shared this information with my parents. The friend in question added me on the socials after 15 years of no contact and I haven’t responded. I felt I needed to talk with my family about my issues before talking with him.
I’m asking for advice because my mom is taking all the responsibility for me being abused. She says her whole life she wanted to avoid the cycle continuing and wishes she never told me. I’ve told her how much her opening up helped me and how much I respect and love her. She truly is one of my best friends. How can I make her understand she didn’t fail me and that it’s not her fault. She left 2 hours ago and I haven’t heard from her. I contacted my brother and we have discussed our tension and had a very meaningful conversation. I don’t want my mom to feel like a failure.

My mom has been manipulative for as long as I remmeber. She would act as the best mother in the world, then discard me and my siblings and our needs.For reference, my mom had a really rough upbringing, think cinderalla kind of situation. Never met her dad, her mom tragically passed away and she stayed with her abusive grandmother until she escaped with my dad. Eventually My older brother, me, and my little sister came along and we lived in the U.S together for a while.
My parents eventually ended up separating due to my mom's shopping addiction, and her infidelity. My mom took my sister and I back to Mexico when they separated since my sister and I were still young, but eventually I told my mom I wanted to study in the U.S, because I had better opportunities, so I moved back with my brother and dad, sadly leaving my little sister behind.
My mom has treated my sister poorly since the separation of my parents. My mom would leave my sister locked in a dark closet as punishment, and she's developed a fear to the dark from this. My mom has given away her pets, purposefully let them out and never returned, used to starve us to lose some pounds. Abandon us at shopping centers if we were too tired from shopping with her etc. She was never too harsh with me or my brother, only to my sister. My brother was the first one to cut ties with my mom and have been no contact for almost a decade, yet my mom still asks for her baby boy every chance she gets.
The abuse worsened when I sent my little sister 10k in pesos as a 17th birthday gift. By Mexican law she couldn't have a proper job until she was 18, so I sent her what I could. My mom somehow got the notification on her phone that my little sister received 10k from me, and she went ballistic. Mom demanded 6k from the money I sent my sister, then use the rest for a vacation. My little sister said she'd only give her 5k, and that she wanted to save her half for emergencies. My mom did not talk to my sister for a month until she caved in and gave her 3k extra (my mom has her own job that pays for medical and groceries btw).
Now in present time, my little sister got into a motorcycle accident on her way to work, dislocated her shoulder on the fall. She's been in recovery for a month, or at least trying to. The very next day my sister got into the accident, my mom demanded that they went to ride bikes at the state park. After my sister obviously declined, my mom kicked my little sister out from the house. She stayed at a nearby park crying to me on a call while trying to figure out who she can crash with. My mom then threatened to call the cops if she didn't come back home. Mom demanded my sister buy her dinner for the 'scare' my sister gave her.
Today, my mom threatened to cancel the internet because apparently my sister doesn't need it. My little sister used to pay the internet until my mom took most of her money and lost her job. My sister is admitting defeat and saying she doesn't want to have a bad relationship with both parents (sister doesn't speak to my dad). This doesn't affect my communication with her, as we pay for the phone bill, but this makes her loose access to most of her hobbies that keep her sane.
I really don't know what to do, I already offered to fly her back to the U.S, but she doesn't want to leave my mom. If I send her more money to pay the internet, my mom is just going to take it away from her again. I just want my little sister to recover peacefully from her injury, but my mother is making it extremely hard. My sister doesn't want me to confront mom either, nor do we have any family she can go to. I just feel like I've let her down. I should've brought her with me to the U.S when I still had the chance.

http://simpson.walraven.org/nbs-ojs.html
Dear O.J. I'd like to see you, to talk to you in person. But I know you can't do that. I've been attending these meetings to help me turn negatives into positives -- to help me turn get rid of my anger . . . . I've learned to "let things go" (the most powerful, helpful thing I've ever learned). I've learned that all things that upset & bother me are just a mirror of what's going on in me. I always knew that what was going on with us was about me -- I just wasn't sure why it was about me -- So I just blamed you. I'm the one who was controlling. I wanted you to be faithful and be a perfect father. I was not accepting to who you are. Because I didn't like myself anymore. I'm not sure exactly what went on with me these last few years. I know New Year's Eve started it. I sank into a depression that I couldn't control. I also agree with you now -- that I went through some sort of mid life crisis -- "that 30's thing," you called it, my own self esteem . . . ect. I know it was a combination of all of these things. But mostly, due to all of these things, I know I gave up. I gave up treating you like I loved you. We started taking each other for granted -- and I didn't know how to put it all back together. I never stopped loving you -- I stopped liking myself and lost total confidence in any relationship with you.
I really needed this time in my life -- It's allowed me to get to know and like myself (again). It's given me a chance to go from a non-person, (the past 3 years) to a whole person.
There's so much I want to say to you. It's very hard to express myself in this letter. I wish we could be taking a walk around the block like we used to. It would be so much easier to speak to you face to face.
I want to put our family back together! I want our kids to grow up with their parents. I thought I'd be happy raising Sydney & Justin by myself -- since we didn't see too much of you anyway. But, now, I [missing text].
I want to be with you! I want to love you and cherish you, and make you smile. I want to wake up with you in the mornings and hold you at night. I want to hug and kiss you everyday. I want us to be the way we used to be. There was no couple like us. I don't know what I went through . . . . I didn't believe you loved me anymore -- and I couldn't handle it. But for the past month I've been looking at our wedding tape and our family movies -- and I can see that we truly loved each other. A love I've never seen in any of our friends. Please look at the 2 tapes I'm sending over with this letter. Watch them along & with your phone turned off -- they're really fun to watch.
O.J., I want to come home -- I want us all to be together again -- We can move wherever you want -- we can stay here -- I just never want to leave your side again.
I've almost come home 20 times since I left -- but I was never totally sure about us until now. I know I love you and know I'm in love with you and know I want to [missing text] and be with you forever.
Please watch the tapes -- I know you have major anger against me -- but you owe it to your kids and to us. I had that same anger. . . I'd never let this happen to us again. Without this year, without this growth, I don't think we'd have had a chance together -- We let it die. And through death . . . something new always grows. I agree with what you said 6 or 8 months ago. The next time around will be the best. I totally feel that now. We want to come home -- we'd be there tomorrow if you'd let us. I'm not embarrassed about anything -- I don't give a hoot what anybody thinks. I only know I love you and our kids would be the happiest kids in the world.
If you're totally happy with your life now -- I'll understand -- especially if you're truly in love and know that's going to work. Then, I can't mess with that. If I don't hear from you soon -- then I'll assume that's the case and I'll never bother you or ask you to have [missing text] way to find out -- I had to ask.
O.J. You'll be my one and only "true love." I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you and I'm sorry we let it die. Please let us be a family again, and let me love you -- better than I ever have before.
I'll love you forever and always . . .
Me.
[Drawing of smiling face.]

I will provide some context here! I (24m, 25 in June) want to reach out to a girl who is 21f. We were classmates in a college course this past semester and I have really grown fond of her. I didn't want to say anything over the semester to no make anything weird and to respect her education. Now class has been over for almost 2 weeks and I feel as like I may have missed my chance to message her.
The other part that is hard is that we never exchanged information. I was able to find her Instagram by searching her name. Is that weird, or stalkerish? I feel like that's kind of what social media is for, but for some reason it feels weird to me. Although I would appreciate it if it were the other way around.
Also, we are apart the whole summer. She is back at home, and I am in town until I leave. We wouldn't likely cross paths when we return to school.
I will say, I know my mind is looking for any reason to not message to avoid what I believe is inevitable. But I also know, nothing can come of this if I don't send a message. I guess what I'm looking for is a little advice on if I should actually message her or not. Would you find it weird? Is there too much of an age gap? Am I blowing this out of proportion?

Bought the car last fall, drove almost perfectly fine ever since. Today I’m driving home from work on the highway cruising along and a transmission malfunction message pops up, nothing out of the ordinary. Previous owner said that it happens once in a blue moon and to just pull over and restart the car. This has happened to me before and restarting the car did work, it’s probably been 6 months since the message has popped up.
Anyway, message pops up, I keep driving because everything feels normal. I get off the highway, it’s shifting smoothly everything is fine but once I slow down and start to speed back up I notice it’s taking forever to shift, it was shifting at exactly 3500rpms from 2nd to 5th gear. Nothing after 5th gear. It would rev all the way to 6k without showing any signs of shifting. Haven’t scanned the codes yet but I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this before I go through the whole process of elimination tactic.

A few weeks ago, our 22 Explorer Hybrid had this issue described in the linked thread. After each of the warnings in the above picture came on, the car shut itself off in the middle of the road. Pretty terrifying. Turned it back on and it was in "limp home" mode with the service engine light on. We set an appointment to bring it to the dealer the next morning. When we took it in, the light was no longer on. When they checked for codes, they said the codes had been cleared so they couldn't do diagnostics. Nothing replicated when they drove it. Okay, fine, but they can see the historical codes in Fordpass, so maybe that would tell us something about what happened? We just wanted to know why they hell our car had a meltdown and shut off while we were driving it, so we can make sure it doesn't happen again.
This is where things get weird.
The dealer was able to find the car's history in Fordpass. The log said that all codes were manually cleared ten minutes before we checked into the dealer when we would have been driving. The dealer was similarly confused about how our codes could have been cleared when we were driving, so they contacted Ford. Ford continually asserted that there was no way these codes could be cleared other than with a OBD-II device. I had no idea how to respond to this...we don't own an OBD-II and drove straight from our house to the dealer. Furthermore, what incentive would we have to clear our own codes on the way to the dealer to address a serious malfunction? This either a lie on the part of Ford or there is some kind of serious issue with the Fordpass software having the ability to remotely clear codes.
Ford told the dealer there was no way they could do diagnostics since "someone cleared the codes" before we got to the dealer. That's it. Nothing's wrong.
So now we have no explanation for why our car shutoff in the middle of the road, and all we can do is hope that it doesn't happen again in an intersection or when our kids are in the car. Aside from the fact that it's crazy that nothing can be done to at least try to figure out what might have happened once a code has been cleared, I'm seriously concerned about the fact that, after such a serious malfunction, the codes were somehow remotely cleared when everyone at Ford insists codes cannot be cleared any other way than manually.
Any advice or insight that might shed light on what is going on is much appreciated. TIA

I’m pretty new to the military family life and I need advice - I feel like I don’t have enough bandwidth being married to someone who works so much while having a full time job myself and 2 very active dogs. I don’t see how it’s possible to run all of our errands, exercise, keep the house tidy enough where I don’t feel like I’m living in a dumpster, take care of the dogs and making sure they get enough attention/exercise, keep up with friendships and the rest of my family all while working at a company I absolutely love but they keep me very busy.
We are hoping to start a family in the next 2 years and I just can’t imagine adding anything else to my plate, especially because having kids will require more attention than all of the above. My husband is working 16+ hour days and he’s exhausted when he gets home so I feel bad asking for help. I’m so frustrated and tired, I just feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day.
How do you all manage your time being married to someone in the military?

Sorry I can't really put this is a tldr there's too much detail
So I'm a virgo and he was a Pisces. We met online back in April (actually here on reddit lol). He dm'd me one day after I had made a relatable post and after he did we just kept talking and eventually got very attached.
We got to know so much about each other he would message me everyday a good morning. He opened up things to me he never shared with anyone before and i always looked forward to talking to him. We made plans to meet each other in the summer after my semester ended (ended last week) but at some point communication became inconsistent.
He admitted to me that he is a very depressed man and has a history or suicidal ideologies. I get it because I have the same history. He has a tough job in a medical field and he is very sensitive about it but keeps doing the job despite how it affects him.
Within the period we talked (a little over two months) we went through two no contacts and we are currently in our third no contact. Each time it was initiated by me because I kept feeling that he would shut down and would send me very dry responses.
It made me feel as if I was bothering him. Like a burden. I felt like shit. But each time I talked to him. I tried to communicate with him that if something was bothering him he should tell me so that he doesn't leave me guessing and I don't make wrong assumptions about what's going on.
Every time he'd tell me the same thing. He had a rough shift and he felt down about it. I stayed open minded because I understood his line of work was exhausting. So I'd support him each time.
I tried not texting him too often because I still felt like I was bothering him. But eventually it still continued to feel like he would shut down and even on his days off that he wasn't working or just chilling at home his communication was so inconsistent.
I'm not with him in person. We hadn't met yet so this was really hard to keep up with. It made me question if he really did like me at all but he insisted that he was always eager to talk to me and that he still wanted to meet me in person soon.
The last few days leading up to the current no contact, it felt like I started to fight for his attention...and I could no longer take it. So I finally said to him "I don't want to talk to you anymore."
Him: "what why" Me: proceeds to ask if he really cares and that I can't keep up with the inconsistent communication anymore etc...
And he says he's just dealing with alot in his personal life and trying to adjust to everything going on and so forth.
So I say to him that I think it's best I'd leave him alone to let him "figure things out and do what we gotta do"
He responds with "just give me a few days to figure things out I just have alot of unexpected things going on is all ...."
My final responce was "do what ever you want to do"
I feel like my last response was really blunt and initially I was intending on no longer continuing a relationship with him, but I wasn't expecting to end up missing him so much.
I wouldn't be surprised if he no longer reaches out. And I have no plans on breaking another no contact situation this time. It's been about two weeks now.
But if he reaches out again I will be here...

1. John Delaney. He was the first one actually to declare he was running for President, I think it was back in 2017 or 2018. He ran on being bipartisan, and trying to bring people together, I remember reading his book The Right Answer, and it seemed to have some good ideas. Never caught on in the primaries, and the debates caused him to come off as defensive, expecally when some canidates were attacking him on healthcare. His town halls were pretty good though. If Delaney gets the nomination, he brings in moderates and blue dogs, but does the liberal wing stay home? What states could Delaney win?
   
2. John Hickenlooper. Was the pretty popular governor of Colorado, and before then, he was the mayor of Denver, and helped bring the Colorado Rockies to the state. He was also the founder of one of the first craft microbreweries in the country, before he goes into politics. He won the 2010 Governor's race, in a very good Republican wave year, then ends up winning again in 2014, in another good Republican year. In 2020, he had the same problem as Delaney in the debates, he came across as the scold, who was against Medicare for Hall. However, if you look closly at his record as Governor, he was able to bring people together, around the enviroment, and gun control.
   
3. Steve Bullock. I mentioned him in another post, but in more detail, Bullock won in 2016, beating Greg Ginoforte. Was able to work with the Republican Leg, in bring a surplus to the state, and he seemed to be a steady, levelheaded guy. If it was any other year other then 2020, with it being the year of George Floyd, then he could have made a fine nominee, or running mate for another Democrat. Wonder what would have happened if Biden had chosen Bullock as his running mate, does he make more inroads in the Mountion west?
   
4. Tom Steyer. Former hedge fund guy, but hen he ended up using his money to fund enviromental and good government causes. Was one of the first to call for Donald Trump's impeachment, back before most mainstream Democrats were doing so. Steyer actually was gaining for a while, and there was talk that he might do very well in South Carolina, before finishing third and dropping out of the race. Steyer would have made a very intresting nominee, with the way that he used his large wealth, in contrast to Trump's.
   
5. Krysten Gillibrand. I know many people give her shit, because they blame her for Al Franken resigning from the Senate, but many Democrats wanted him gone, so a pox on all of them, if that is the case, not just her, she just ended up being the scapgoat. Gillibrand fought hard to change the way that the military handled sexual assult cases, in regards to having those cases being taken away from the military chain of command. From what I remember from her in the debates, she was a real scrapper, when she was able to get her time in, but I remember it was hard for her to be able to break through. But when she did break through, she always had memorable things to say.
   

Grandma: She’s a bit of a Conservative conspiracy theorist and doesn’t trust the government, but I love her. She ties everything back into politics and religion, loves America. She’s a bit traditional, but also lets her mouth run wild sometimes. It ends up being a really long, ramble conversation on her end. She trusts sources, but usually only looks at one side so she believes the other side is completely corrupt and evil. She loves and values her big family and God. She also has a lot of love for nature. Her and my grandpa’s love story started out with her winking at him, so she’s DEFINITELY a flirt haha! She’s sassy, and very honest, but has unconditional love for her family… though some things are difficult for her to accept. She has anxious paranoia, tbh. But she’s very social, very honest. She also doesn’t seem to enjoy doing things with the help of others, preferring to be independent. She’s just traditional in the sense that she doesn’t like dyed hair or the style nowadays. She’s also really big on American history, and the past repeating itself, yet when i asked her to tell me her own life story for a school project she was very straightforward.
Types I’ve considered for her: ENTJ, ESTJ, ESTP
Grandpa: So he’s been dead for almost eight years but we were super close so I need to type him. My grandpa was a hard worker who loved old westerns, did not care for talking about politics. He was kind and generous, and took over the role of a father for me when my mom and I moved in. Every time a toy of mine broke, he would fix it for me. He owned a gun shed right next to our house up until his last day, stopping at nothing to work hard. He bought gifts for people just randomly, and loved outdoors. He was proud of working with Eagle Scouts. He was a veteran in the Cold War. He also loved to tease me, as well as teach me lessons. He taught me telling time, counting money, and would have me come to his office to read to him every night. Sometimes he would tell me brief stories to get me to learn responsible lessons, sometimes they were sad for little me. Like in order to get me to stop using so many paper towels, he told me a story about an owl with a name and everything who had lost its home because paper towels were being used too much. So I only took one or two strips after that. He called himself a grumpy grandpa, but was not grouchy, and bought me an Elmo In Grouchland dvd to show he was a grouch. He made me think I was good at everything and could do anything. He also loved Native American history. The only negative thing I can say is he was very particular with my grandmas cooking, and always wanted it just the way his mom used to make it. But me and him had a great relationship, I was his princess. He loved his family, and giving random acts of service. He died a month after I turned 9 because he didn’t want to stay in the hospital anymore. He wanted to keep working. He always spoiled me.
Types I’ve considered for him: ISTP, ISFJ, INFJ
Mom: Raised me as a single mom from the time I was two months old, and we lived at my grandparents house. She’s always been very witty and funny. More than anything else she strives to be good, intelligent, and helpful. She’s pretty self aware, and has strong morals, but she values logic over emotion. She loves logic, and math equations. She doesn’t like it when things make her feel dumb, and it is very hard to talk her out of something logical to her. She said she never had a problem with driving because it’s all logic, and because I struggle with driving she doesn’t know how to help me very well. She loves kids and cats. She didn’t know how much she loved cats until we got them though. She has a very kind, warm, and giving heart. She also spoiled me in childhood, as her only child. We never went on vacations though because we were poor. She is a bit impatient, and sometimes that rubs off on me. But she feels bad whenever I feel as if I’m being abandoned by her and tries to make it up however she can. At church every Sunday, she brings toys and candy for all of the little kids. They love her for it. She doesn’t like hearing lengthy stories, prefers them straight to the point… so I kind of annoy her sometimes. She sacrifices a lot. She’s not mentally healthy at the moment, but she’s my best friend and I love her fr.
Types I’ve considered: INTJ, ISTJ, (maybe) INFJ

I dont know how it works in other countries,but in my contry most of mid term jobs obligates you to go to a course that teaches young workers a lot of things one day of the week instead of going to work that day of the week,its in the contract. I strongly suspect that i am autistic and i will try getting a diagnose soon,but that place is triggering everything that makes me wanna die. 1- the place is full of people my age and everyone have to sit facing eachother,like chair forming a circle 2- the subjects that will be taught are unpredictable and we never know what we will have to do there 3- we have to do group presentations 4- Every week you have to make part of a different group,and you can never choose the group 5- Sometimes the group you're in don't wanna plan things and you have to improvise at the presentation 6- There's a lot of group dinamics,its a place that stimulates you to interact a lot 7- the bus I have to take to go there is a chaos,It was so full of people that i had to go on the bus doostairs once
Its making me stressed and more exausted than ever,my job don't make me even the half of exausted. I have a crisis every day before the course day,it is making me relapse and self harm those specific days,I hate staring at people due to the position of the chairs,I can't focus on the subjects,the noise makes my mind very distant,I have internal crisis there that almost went external,I felt nauseous and i feel like crying in front of everyone almost every week,i hurt my face without even noticing while everyone is just interating and enjoying like normal people. Its a very nice place for people in general and I wasnt able to make friends with anyone there even though I make effort to talk to them,its been 4 months. When they talk to me i dont know what to genuenly say,I feek bored an i have to mask and it makes me tired. I feel like i'm passing through things I passed at school that I never thought I'd have to go through again. The worst part is that this year I was genuenly trying hard to get better at it,I was able to stop being shy and I started talking to people,but the exaustion,the crisis,the feeling of being weird and the social issues never go away. It never changes since i was a child and it frustrates me a lot. I cant skip the course cause its counted as a normal working day so if i skip I lose money. I genuenly considered breaking my own bones to avoid going to that place,I find it pathetic cause its a place people are just chilling while I'm struggling like i'm weak as fuck. When I get home I feel so mentally and physically exausted that I can't even get out of bed
Surprisingly,the instructor gave me a very positive feedback about me cause no one noticed I'm struggling all this time. I can mask perfectly well,I can cooperate with people and I can talk at the presentations normally,it just makes me hella exausted inside. The course is two years long so I think i'm screwed

I was never a great kid growing up. I got great grades but was always acting out. In my teens, I’d come home late smelling like liquor, sometimes never come back home, etc. I felt like both of my parents were controlling but in hindsight, I understand now they were just trying to navigate parenthood. While my father & I’s relationship has gotten significantly better, I feel like I can never forgive my mother. She will go weeks without speaking to me, prioritizes other things that her family like her own mother and her job. She was always angry, J remember growing up and it was always like walking on eggshells with her throwing around stuff in my room if i didn’t clean it or getting mad at me if i couldn’t find out how to use a toy she bought. One of my final straws either her was when We got into an argument about a month ago about a misunderstanding and she kept calling me lazy & even brought up my sexual assault case as “my fault because i’m dumb and put myself in these situations” (loose translation).
It’s starting to make me resent her especially when I see her around the house, I tend to stay away and ignore her. I know that sometimes I can overreact and I am privileged that she isn’t consistently like this. Sometimes I try to be the bigger person and think its her first life too maybe she doesn’t know or maybe because she never had good parents that it’s all she knows but I hate being the person that has to justify everything ESpecially as the daughter. Idk what should i do? How do i get over this feeling?
TLDR; Anyone who can’t forgive their mom know how to get over that feeling or if it ever goes away?

Hi all, I am in a bit of a dilemma and struggling with knowing how best to proceed from here. (sorry for it being so long)
Me (36F) and my partner (35F) have been together for 8 years now, she's my best friend and I love being around her. My love language has always been very physical, hugs, cuddling, kissing, etc. and in the beginning it was all of that, we suited each other perfectly, it was an amazing relationship and I felt like the luckiest person in the world.
However, over the years things slowly and gradually started to change. It started with us not spending so much time together in our day to day. We would only hang out with each other when we wake up, have dinner, go to bed with small chats scattered throughout the day, which was fine, we are both extremely introverted people and this worked well for us as we like doing our own hobbies at home in peace and quiet.
The next thing to go was cuddling and hugging, generally with the excuse of it being too hot (we live in the UK, plenty of cooler days throughout the year). Next I began to notice we weren't really as active in the bedroom anymore, a stark difference to the beginning of the relationship, this is when I began asking questions was she not interested in me anymore? Did I do something wrong? Did I upset her? No matter how many ways I approached this from an angle of concern that something is wrong in the relationship she assured me that nothing was wrong at all and she very much wants to be with me. We tired to reignite things in the bedroom a few times but nothing really stuck. It was around this time I also began to notice hugging and kissing doesn't happen unless I initiate it so I just...stopped.
For the next couple years I would check in every few months, make sure she was happy in our relationship, again I received assurances that everything is fine and she's happy...I wasn't really convinced until out of the blue she proposed! I was over the moon, I love having her in my life and there was zero hesitation in saying yes!...after this I stopped my check-ins on our relationship, clearly she wants to be with me I must be overthinking things, I begun to accept this is just how our relationship was and focused instead on hobbies and work.
A little while later during our random chats throughout the day she suddenly revealed that she feels she may be asexual...EUREKA! everything makes so much more sense now! What I wasn't expecting was for her to also bring up the suggestion that we have an open relationship so I can "scratch the itch for intimacy, as long as we set some ground rules" I was stunned! I said I would think on it and proceeded to not sleep for days as I desperately tried to process this. After a while, I hesitantly agreed...maybe this was for the best? Fast forward to BOTH of us going on separate dates for a few months with various people, none of which really amounted to much and I gave up on random people after a particularly bad experience with a guy who lacked an understanding of consent whilst she was a couple dates in with one particular person. It was weird at first but I was so happy for her. (she stopped seeing this person a little while later...I recently found out they had been sexual so I felt a bit betrayed given everything above and claiming she's asexual...but I agreed to an open relationship so I can't really be mad at that).
Shortly after this I went to visit a friend (31F), we had been friends for a few years and were very close. I found myself being cuddled by her as we watched TV, as someone who had been touch starved for years at this point this turned out to be an incredible catalyst which led to us meeting up more frequently and doing way more than just cuddling. After a while I realised me and my friend have so, so much in common, we matched each other perfectly...and I caught feelings...turns out...so did she.
I now find myself in a situation where I deeply love two people. Common sense tells me I won't truly be happy in my current relationship, but I also can't fathom losing my current partner, it's been 8 years of having her as my best friend. Throw into the mix that we have pets neither of us would willingly give up and her having no friends or family here (she's not from the UK and never really made her own friends over the years) separating raises so many logistical issues.
My main concern is how she will react when I finally discuss this with her and explain that I also have feelings for someone else...mental health is not really a strong suit for either of us. How do I even begin to have this discussion? How do you even sort out the issue of shared pets? I love and care for her so much but our relationship needs and wants just don't align anymore. I feel like a selfish idiot wanting my cake and to eat it to but I know that's not possible and I have to rip this Band-Aid off sooner or later.
TLDR: My relationship with my partner has changed over time, our wants and needs in a relationship no longer match and I find myself catching mutual feelings for a friend who matches my relationship wants and needs, my current partner is my best friend and I really don't want to hurt her but I have no choice, how do I begin to have this discussion?