This post follows a comment I left that generated some discussion.
I was not initially clear and I felt it might be worth a separate discussion. I hope you think so too.
So... Given the existence of a valid, sacramental Christian marriage, divorce is not possible for any reason (I do not mean civil divorce).
There's a common misunderstanding among (protestant?) Christians that adultery is a valid reason for divorce... It's not.
Here is an excellent podcast on why this is the case
NOTES and PERSONAL CONTEXT
CASES OF ABUSE: Civil divorce, as an administrative and legal means of protecting oneself and one's children, especially in cases of abuse, is just and right in my opinion, however civil divorce does not undo the sacrament of marriage.
The clear teaching of Christ is that valid, sacramental, Christian marriage can never be ended by divorce.
If the marriage was valid and sacramental, you are still married in the eyes of the Church and of God and even if civilly divorced, should continue to live chastely and pray for your spouse. This all presupposes an annulment is not possible.
ANNULMENT: an annulment doesn't undo the sacrament of marriage either, it is an official recognition by the Church that there never was a marriage in the first place, that is, the sacrament was never valid.
MY OWN CONTEXT: for what it's worth, I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years. I had to go to work and explain away the stitches on my forehead, which as a man working in Defence wasn't easy. I'm glad that I was never sacramentally married to her though I still grieve the child she aborted without telling me that she was pregnant until after we broke up (and only then as a final way to attack me).
My parents taught me that marriage is for life, but then my mother divorced my father soon after I left home. The ensuing decisions made by my mother and their consequences had devastating impacts on our family and subsequent generations.
I also have first hand experience of abuse in the case of my youngest sister who was repeatedly beaten and their infant was traumatised by witnessing this (now a teenager). The man in question has "NOT GUILTY" tattooed on his neck.
I also helped my sister escape an abusive relationship. Luckily no children were involved.
That should give you a good idea of where I'm coming from personally.
Please know that I have thought deeply about, prayed through and emotionally experienced this topic. Please comment with charity.

Hi everyone!
This is a random question, but is there a general consensus on individuals with tattoos in the industry? I do not have tattoos currently, but I have been considering getting a sleeve.
I am a fresh college graduate, not yet employed (any tattoos I get would be sometime next year and by then I’m hopefully employed).
Any workers or business owners here, what is youyour firms policy on tattoos? If I have a sleeve would I no longer be able to wear short sleeves or polos? Though it’s a “newer” industry, it still is a professional environment so would I be better off without tattoos? I know a majority of clients are of older generations, so that might have more influence on how appropriate it may/may not be.
Any insight is appreciated, thanks! Sorry if this is a dumb question!

Hey everyone! this is random, but I want an Italian phrase tattooed. I’m not fluent in Italian/native speaker as I’m 2nd generation and want to confirm the correct grammar on it. Anyone here able to help? I want it to say “let them” or “just let them”, “allow them” whatever would make sense. (see the poem attached for context) thanks in advance! 🇮🇹

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2024/05/11/1250529661/handwriting-cursive-typing-schools-learning-brain
Excerpt:
“In kids, studies show that tracing out ABCs, as opposed to typing them, leads to better and longer-lasting recognition and understanding of letters. Writing by hand also improves memory and recall of words, laying down the foundations of literacy and learning. In adults, taking notes by hand during a lecture, instead of typing, can lead to better conceptual understanding of material.”
Since a lot of students use computers to type out their work, hand writing is not focused on as much. So maybe that’s why a lot of students are behind previous generations at the same age.
The article talks about bringing back teaching cursive writing which would be great in my opinion.
Edit: the article also says writing with a stylus on something like an iPad works as well as writing on paper with a pencil

Join me as we dive into the world of AI with Adobe Firefly to create some mind-blowing tattoo designs! Using prompts, watch as AI turns your wildest tattoo dreams into reality.
Don't forget, this is all for fun – always consult a professional tattoo artist for your final ink.
https://youtu.be/AqDSIzWR_to

Fortune opened the door to “Nezumi’s Spirits”, it was just past dawn, and they wanted to go watch the Junior’s competition before they got into the Arena. She was surprised to see quite a few extra people in the shop. Tambori and Faedrin were heating up Tambori’s tea, Irezumi was working out. Fortune was surprised to see a small, beautiful but pale woman sitting behind Echo, working with an ink covered needle and scribing in a tattoo. She didn’t have too long to watch uncomfortably as a very large man with a mask on was suddenly directly infront of her.
“Dad! It’s ok, that’s Fortune and Chance. They are expected.” The large man took his mask off, and wore a dumb smile on his face. He bowed to Fortune, his clouded eyes not seeming to see her, though it was obvious that he knew exactly where she was.
“Oh, so YOU’RE Fortune and Chance.” The man said, “It is good to meet you. I am Hibiki Nezumi.” He pointed to the small pale woman. “That is my wife, Lenore. Echo and Irezumi’s mother.”
Lenore stopped, took a moment to clean her tools, and stood, wiping off her hands. She gave a bow to Fortune and Chance. “It is good to meet you.” She said. She opened her mouth to say more, but Hibiki moved very suddenly. Fortune blinked and saw two young men hanging from either of Hibiki’s hands. Lenore laughed a moment and continued. “ This is Obake, and Rei. They are a few of the siblings that have come to watch Echo, Irezumi and Sakusei.” She put her finger in her mouth and whistled. From the back room came a parade of children. First, two girls, obviously twins as they were Identical, even down to the way they walked. They were holding two babies. “This is Kuro and Shiro. They are holding the newest of the their siblings, Sora and Riku.” Following them, were two more children, about 5 years old. “This is Neko and Karasu.” Next a young girl with a very serious face, she dressed oddly, compared to the rest. While they seemed to wear clothes of whites, blacks and browns.. This girl was dressed in pinks and greens. She gave a small curtsy as she was introduced. But no smile appeared on her face. “This is Sakusei’s sister, Sugure.” Finally, one more girl, about 16 years old, who looked like an identical clone of her mother. “And this is Majo.”
Fortune and Chance bowed deeply. “It is nice to meet you all.” Fortune said, she looked back at Echo, who was still seated on a stool at the end of the counter. “You really think getting a tattoo before the games today is a good idea?”
Echo shrugged, and patted the back of his shoulder with a Saki soaked cloth, then sprinkled some salt over it. “Mom’s been working on this piece for a long time. So, we take the opportunity when we can.” He said.
“That reminds me.” Lenore remembered. She went behind the counter and got a small scrap of paper, and drew a complex Character on it. She handed the paper to Fortune. “This is how you write ‘Echo’. Be careful, this little line is very important.” she pointed out the small line.
“Mom.. Geez..” Echo complained, the other kids and Irezumi laughed openly.
“What?” Lenore said. “It’s important for her to know. If she doesn’t put that line in, then it’s Hibiki.. and I don’t want her to make that mistake.”
“I’m sorry.” Fortune interrupted. “What? That little line is the difference between ‘Echo’ and ‘Hibiki’?”
“At home, in our language,” Lenore explained. “the word ‘Hibiki’ means ‘Echo’ in your language. I guess you could say, that Echo’s real name is ‘Hibiki Nezumi jr.’ but we found that confusing, so we call him Echo.”
“Oh, so, does ‘Irezumi’ mean ‘Lenore’?” Fortune asked.
“No.” Irezumi said simply, between pull ups.
“Oh…” Fortune said, after waiting for an explanation that didn’t seem to be coming. “So.. Why are you giving this to me?” She asked Lenore.
“For when the time is right.” She said, and patted Fortune’s hand. “Now, you all get moving. I don’t want you to miss out on the matches.”
“Majo, are you sure you don’t want to come? I can ask someone to watch the store, or we can just close down for the day.” Echo asked his sister
“Are you going to lose today?” Majo asked.
“Of course not.” Echo replied.
“Then I will get to see the next one, and Obake and Rei can watch the store then.” Majo said.
“Pfft.. Fat Chance.” One of the boys, still hanging from their father’s hands said.
Echo rolled his eyes at his brothers. “We will close the store until Sakusei’s match is over, and then I’ll open back up for the intermission. I would like you to be there.”
Majo smiled at her brother. “Thank you.” She said simply, and picked up a light cloak from a peg on the wall.
“Now.. We just have to wait for our Vanguard replacements to come… THEN we can leave.” Echo said.
**************************************************************************
Sakusei sent a series of clicks and whistles to Scraps.
“I have some food.” Scraps said, digging an old wedge of cheese out of his bag and brushing the worst of the mold off. He offered it to Sakusei.
Sakusei clicked again.
“Oh, yeah, I mean, if you want to try them, I guess.” Scraps said. “This way.”
Scraps led the young boy out of the contestants area, and out of the arena. They stopped in front of a street cart where a man was frying noodles.
“Two please! Extra onions and sprouts!” Scraps ordered. The man just nodded and started adding things into his wok.
“You think we’ll be able to catch up?” Scraps asked Sakusei. “I mean, in the points.. I guess we should have made a mistake.. Is that weird? I mean, to make a mistake on purpose, just for points?”
“You should ask your mom that.” A deep laugh came from behind the pair, along with the insult. “She would know about making mistakes.”
Scraps and Sakusei turned around to find a large Goliath boy, from one of the other teams laughing at them.
“How stupid do you have to be? Didn’t your coach tell you that you get points for fighting monsters? Besides, they were just goblins.” The boy ribbed. “I mean.. you didn’t even try.. Pretty sure you two should go tell your team to quit now. You should have been out earlier. Doubt you’re gonna catch up now.”
Sakusei gently pushed Scraps behind him, and growled threateningly at the Goliath boy, his eyes glued to the mask that the boy wore on the side of his head.
The boy and his friends roared with laughter, as Sakusei reached for his sword. “Go ahead, stupid. Bare steel and stab me in the street. It will disqualify you from the games. Do it.. then you can go home and cry to your mommy.”
Sakusei let his hand drop from his sword, but his glare, and growl remained.
“Sakusei! Scraps!” The Voice of Mr. Threadspinner called. They turned as he rushed up. He paid the noodle man a few coins, and handed Scraps and Sakusei their noodles. “Come on.. The Games are about to start!” He ushered them away, and back to their seats.
*******************************************************************************
“Welcome back to the Main Event!” The announcer’s voice echoed over the crowd. “For the First task in the Qadar Games. Our teams will have to secure a treasure!” a large cloud of mist suddenly filled the interiour of the Arena. After a moment or two, a gust of wind blew the mist away, revealing a rocky crag. Coiled around a the top of the Crag, the sibiliant form of a Basilisk curled around a golden egg. At the bottom of the rock, a large group of gnolls yipped and howled. “It seems this tribe of Gnolls has located a powerful Basilisk to worship as their tribes deity. It’s up to our adventurers to capture the egg before it can hatch and fullfill a dark prophecy!”
Tambori was simply a wreck. “A Basilisk? Who do they think we are? This is FAR too dangerous for a game.”
Irezumi and Echo glanced at each other. “It looks like a big snake.” Irezumi said.
“It IS a big snake.” Faedrin said.
Fortune sighed. “It’s a big snake that will turn you to stone if you look it in the eye. It’s very good at getting you to do it.”
Echo just nodded and began loosening up his shoulders.
Irezumi eyed the rock and the Gnolls. “If you can get me there, muscles here and I can get the egg back.” Irezumi pointed at Fortune with her thumb.
Echo turned around to face his team. “What do you all think?”
Faedrin thought for a moment. “Did you guys watch the juniors this morning?” she asked and they all nodded. “So.. Like, Sakusei’s team finished first.. but they didn’t get the most points.. I’m thinking this is similar. I’m betting we get additional points for every different ‘task’ we do. Like, I’m guessing that we’ll have to take the egg and place it in some sort of ‘safe zone’. That’s our timer. We get minimum points for simply completing the task. But, should we defeat the Basilisk and/or the Gnolls.. I’m guessing there are bonus points.”
Echo nodded in agreement. “I’m thinking the same thing.” He looked over at Tambori. “How long do you think you could hold off the Gnolls?”
************************************************************************
“You’re sure about this?” Fortune asked, holding Echo’s mask as he tied a blindfold on. “You’re going to take on a Basilisk, blindfolded and alone.”
“Blindfolded? Yes.” Echo said, making the last knot in his blindfold. “ Alone? Not exactly.”
“You get us up there, we’ll get the egg back here.” Irezumi said, pouring a bowl of sake, and placing it in the dirt, about ten feet from the “return zone” for the egg. “We’ll hold the Gnolls till you’re done, or they are.” She looked up to a cloudless sky. “I wish it were raining.” she said.
“You WANT rain?” Tambori asked, a bit wild around the eyes.
“Yeah…” Irezumi said with a slight thoughtful frown. “You ok, Tambori?”
“This is just.. Alot..” Tambori said, shaking from the nerves. “There are so many people.. and this is such an important thing..”
“Hey!” Irezumi shouted suddenly, taking Tambori by the shoulders. “We don’t have room for fear, here. If you drop your mind into a lake of ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybe I should haves’ you’re going to lose it. It doesn’t matter if we have to fight a Basilisk, or Gnolls. Or if it’s a Hundred of each. The reality is, That’s what we have to do. So, it’s time to go to work.”
Tambori calmed herself. “You’re right.. No fear… No fear..” She took a deep breath, and gave a little smile. “You said, you wanted rain? I’ll bring you rain.”
“That’s what I like to hear.” Irezumi said, slapping her hard on the shoulder.
“How much time do you need?” Echo asked Tambori.
“I’ll need a minute to lay out the field. After that, it’s game on.” Tambori said.
“Faedrin, Chance…” Echo addressed the other two. “You guys able to defend Tambori for a while until Fortune and Irezumi get back?”
Chance just nodded. Faedrin glanced around to get her bearings. “I’m betting those Gnolls will wait until we try and take the egg. But even if they don’t, yes.”
“Is she really going to make it rain?” Irezumi leaned over and asked Fortune.
“She’s a Windsong.” Fortune said as if that explained everything. Irezumi simply gave her a flat stare. “So, most of the Vanguard follows Jax, the traveler. However, thats not a requirement to join the guild. Tambori is from a family that follows more than one power. The windsongs follow the Path, and The Storm. If she says she’s bringing rain. Get ready for it.”
Irezumi nodded, and Echo put his mask on over his blindfold. “We ready?” he asked
The others voiced their agreement.
Echo raised a hand toward the Judges, signalling that they were ready for their turn. A crisp clear bell sounded, signalling them to start.
Echo sprinted forward, drawing his sword. His free hand making motions as he ran, and he was suddenly flanked by four other beings, seemingly made of dark ink.
Fortune tensed to follow after him, but Irezumi reached out and put her hand on Fortune’s shoulder. “Bring the rain, Tambori.. You’re up.”
Tambori nodded and began her somatic movements. She added her mana to her movements, and clouds began to circle overhead. After a few seconds drops of rain began to fall.
“He’s reached the Gnolls.” Faedrin said, keeping her eyes on Echo. He parried a few strikes, but simply ran through them, and began bounding up the rock, dodging strikes from the basilisk.
“Get ready, muscles.” Irezumi said. “I hope you don’t get motion sickness. This is gonna be weird.”
Echo made it to the top of the rock, and leapt on the creature’s head. He stomped on it, and the Basilisk reared up, throwing him high into the air. Echo grabbed a bottle from his hip, and when he was over the egg, he threw the bottle. It broke right next to the egg.
“Alright, we’re on.” Irezumi said, her hand slid down Fortune’s arm and grasped her wrist. “Try not to puke.” She stepped into the bowl of Sake at her feet, and pulled Fortune with her.
Fortune felt like she was picked up, rolled into a ball, and thrown across a room. The spinning stopped and she realized her feet were on stone, and she was directly infront of the egg. “Pick it up!” Irezumi shouted, as she dodged a swipe from the Basilisk’s tail.
Fortune caught sight of Echo, he and his ink clones were harrasing the head of the giant snake. Slashing and stabbing, keeping it’s attention on him. “How does he…” She started to ask..
“It’s the sound.. He has really good ears!” Irezumi interrupted. “Now, stop oggling my brother and pick that damn egg up so we can get out of here!”
Fortune shook herself from her wonderment, and picked upt the large golden egg. It was extreemly heavy. “Got it.” She said, gritting her teeth.
“Good.” Irezumi said, returning to her side. “Hang on.” She took her arm again and stepped into a puddle of Sake and rainwater.
Fortune found herself back with the others. She went to set the egg down. “Watch it!” Irezumi said, and changed her angle a little bit so she would set the egg outside of the Safe zone. “Don’t want to end the fun just yet.”
“Here they come!” Faedrin said. Fortune looked up, to see all of the Gnolls charging their way. She could see Echo and his clones still fighting the Giant Basilisk.
“Looks like they made a poor choice.” Tambori said, as she finished her movements.. “Now this is MY show.” She said. Planting a foot down hard. She pulled her cloak off, and tightened a strap around her thigh. Fortune saw small nails on the inside of the strap bite into her skin. A loud crash of lightning came and struck her outstretched hand. Her mana rolled out of her as she started singing.
https://youtu.be/1EtDH3SYGJU
**************************************************************************
Venriath looked with interest at the games going on down below. He sat with Alonzo and Jynx, with both of them stealing his popcorn.
“Is that guy putting on a blindfold?” Jynx asked.
“Yup.. you know.. so he can’t see it’s eyes.” Alonzo said, stuffing more popcorn in his face.
“I get that.” Jynx said, “but, how is he going to get to the beast?”
“I dunno…” Alonzo said. “I guess that’s his problem.”
Jynx rolled her eyes.
“I’m more interested in what she’s doing.” Venriath said. “She’s prepping a transmutation field, but it’s huge. I can’t imagine what she’s going to be transmuting.”
“Herself.” Laurana said, as she sat down next to Alonzo, she handed Venriath some nachos.
“I doubt that highly.” Venriath said. “That’s extrodinarily dangerous. Like, remember when Noxian used to do that? I thought my heart would stop every time.”
Laurana laughed. “Why don’t you take a good look at her.”
Venriath did so, in truth, she looked a lot like a very tan Laurana. “I mean, she’s a Windsong.. I just assumed that you know. You and Alonzo…”
“Oh yes..” Laurana said. “When he sacrificed himself, he did, indeed leave me expecting. Which, we still have to talk about.” She said with a warning tone. “However.. That was hundreds of Generations ago. It just so happens, that Noxian’s blood also follows the Windsong name.”
Venriath paled a bit. “So, she can channel her power like Noxian.”
Laurana smiled and nodded.. “And she has my voice.”
Venriath paled a bit more. “So.. She can adjust her transformations with Spellsong? Wouldn’t that run the risk of a feedback loop?”
Laurana laughed. “Yup.. It’s pretty.. Dramatic.” She said and pointed.
Tambori began to sing, Her form elongated and her joints distorted. Electric arcs leapt from her body to the nearest Gnolls. On of her fist enlarged, and became like a shiney metal, that immediately heated up. She swung her huge fist, impacting several of the charging dogs. Her other hand raised and a huge fireball detonated in the main host of enemies.
The others closed ranks around the egg and began to hold off the few Gnolls that got past Tambori. Chance and Fortune ranged a bit, preferring to meet their challengers aggressively. The Two Aristi’s proving to be just as deadly as their name suggests. Faedrin stood guard with Irezumi at the Egg, only occaisionally having to use her shield to block an arrow, or make a few cuts against the lucky gnoll that managed to avoid the others.
It took only a few moments, before the Gnolls were gone, and shortly after, Echo drove his sword through the Basilisks skull, and rode the body down as it collapsed. He removed his blindfold as he returned to his party. He nodded to Fortune and Chance, and the twins picked up the egg, and placed it in the Safe zone, ending the task.

I was watching pure the horror movie on hulu and I was interested in other people’s point of view on Lilith. I have personally never had a calling to her the first time I ever cross paths with her was a friend who got a tattoo of her. She had stated she wanted to be like Lilith in the sense of never listening to a man, or allowing male figures to determine her life. Understandable, after she got that tattoo I had a dream (was pregnant at that time) and I had a dream of my son being handed on a sliver platter. I went to my grandmother about this (we’re 5th generational brujas del pueblo) we work with many but I personally never have with Lilith. My grandmother told me to distance myself from her. That was not a good omen and that Lilith can be seen in the eyes of witches as powerful and divine but Jewish view her as a sinner we must not mess or test energies we are not welcomed into or have little knowledge of. I did as told and distance myself this didn’t happen right away it slowly happened but I remember as time went on after that tattoo she just seemed off I had known her for 5 years and her behavior was just not her. I did choke it up to life but when I finally cut her off the dreams stopped.
I will never blame Lilith but I do feel when you devote yourself to an energy you make a contract to respect and project their energy in some form of way and just like god can cause illness and death he can cause miracles and love. I guess she just projected the negative traits of Lilith. Does that make sense? I’m trying not to disrespect Lilith it’s just my current understanding. I do want to understand more and would like to know what others take from this and can tell me about how you met Lilith or practice with her? Do you believe she only calls into those she chooses? What’s your take from those who work with her? How would you explain her energy? What should I know?
update
I want to thank you all so much for the explanation and support and not being judgemental or hostile. Again I respect her so didn’t wanna come off a certain way. Everyone claiming where she originates from thank you so much as well. I know in every culture certain deities are viewed differently. I appreciate everyone for their experience of working with her. I don’t think I’ll be working with her since I have not been invited to her table of craft. And as someone said if I haven’t been called I won’t find what I’m looking for since the connect isn’t there. I did speak to my mother (she’s more open. Due to having a bachelor in theology) after speaking to her she told me the reference of the silver plate is purity elegance and emotion which can mean I was given something without effort or work but if I take into the connection of who Lilith is it can mean I’ve been given a gift a child spirit who is a reflection of my soul helping me to see myself the way others see me. Which makes more sense since my child’s spirit has grown he reflects a lot of things that have made me wonder if his spirit is one I’ve met since the energy feels so familiar. And I do take his presence as a gift since I could not have children or was told I wouldn’t be able to. He was a surprise baby and cherish him as so. Thank you guys for helping me see her for her elegance and divinity.

Would you have a concluding word to such world's setting?

Absolutely! Here are a few closing word options for your high-tech, low-life world, depending on the tone you want to achieve:
Hopeful:

In the flickering neon glow of the lower districts, a spark of rebellion ignites. Despite the hardships, the human spirit endures, seeking connection, hope, and a chance to build a better future.

Bittersweet:

The high towers of the elite cast long shadows over the bustling streets below. In this world of stark contrasts, the lines between survival and prosperity blur. But even in the darkest corners, love, ingenuity, and a flicker of defiance persist.

Grim:

The gears of progress grind on, leaving a trail of waste and despair. In this high-tech dystopia, the gap between the haves and have-nots grows ever wider. Will the lower districts rise up, or will they be forever locked in the underbelly of a world they can only glimpse from below?

Open-Ended:

Beneath the neon sky, stories unfold. Tales of hardship and hope, of rebellion and resilience. The future of this high-tech world hangs in the balance, waiting to be written by the choices of those who inhabit it.

Choose the closing word that best captures the essence of your story or setting. Remember, the world you've created is rich with possibilities, and the ending doesn't have to be definitive. It can leave your readers pondering the fate of its characters and the future of this complex and ever-evolving society.

If you should pick an item or an object that would clearly and cleverly symbolized such world, what would that be?

Here are two options for an item that symbolically represents the high-tech, low-life world:

1. The Glimmering Shard:

• Description: Imagine a small, jagged shard of metal or glass. One side is smooth and polished, reflecting the wealth and technology of the upper city. The other side is rough and chipped, etched with the grime and harsh realities of the lower districts.
• Symbolism: This shard represents the stark contrast between the upper and lower classes. The smooth side reflects the shiny veneer of technology and luxury enjoyed by the wealthy. The rough side reflects the brokenness and struggle of those living on the fringes.
• Additional Details: This shard could be a salvaged piece of technology, a remnant of a shattered building, or even a shard of a mirrored window that once divided the social classes.

1. The Glitching Holographic Ring:

• Description: Imagine a holographic ring that projects a constantly shifting image. On one hand, it might display a luxurious symbol of wealth and status. But as it flickers, the image might glitch and distort, revealing a hidden message or a glimpse of the harsh realities beneath the surface.
• Symbolism: This ring symbolizes the unreliability and instability of the world. The glitching hologram represents the way technology promises a utopian future but constantly fails to deliver. It also reflects the hidden messages of dissent and rebellion that exist beneath the surface of a seemingly controlled society.
• Additional Details: This ring could be a common fashion statement or a black-market tool used to spread forbidden information. The glitching image could be a coded message, a symbol of rebellion, or a reminder of the past that the upper class tries to suppress.

Both of these items are small, versatile, and can be interpreted in multiple ways, making them powerful symbols of the high-tech, low-life world. The choice ultimately depends on the specific tone and message you want to convey in your story.

Try something bit more distinct and specific.

How about the "Hacked Heart"?
Here's the breakdown:

• Description: A small, ornately decorated locket or pendant. Upon opening, it reveals not a picture, but a series of flickering LEDs embedded within a clear casing.
• Functionality: This locket is a bio-hacked implant worn externally. It interfaces with the wearer's nervous system, displaying a visual representation of their emotional state through the shifting colors and patterns of the LEDs.
• Symbolism: The Hacked Heart represents the constant clash between technology and humanity in this world. The ornate decoration speaks to a desire for beauty and connection, while the exposed circuitry highlights the invasive nature of technology and the commodification of even emotions.
• Distinction: This item is specific to this world because it combines high-tech bio-hacking with a sentimental object like a locket. It's a reminder that while technology can be used to manipulate and control, people still yearn for genuine emotional connection.
• Additional Details:
  • The Hacked Heart could be a status symbol among the wealthy, a way to display their emotional control or volatility.
  • In the lower districts, it might be a black-market modification, a way to express emotions freely or even manipulate others.
  • The LEDs could display a limited range of emotions, a commentary on how this world suppresses or simplifies human experience.

This Hacked Heart offers a unique and distinct symbol of the high-tech, low-life world. It captures the struggle for authenticity, the desire for connection, and the pervasive influence of technology in every aspect of life.

How about straight up hacksawed hearth?

The "hacksawed hearth" is a very evocative image, but on its own, it might be a little too literal. Here are a few ways we can build on this concept to create a more symbolic and distinct object for your high-tech, low-life world:

1. The Hacksawed Hearth Relic:

• Description: This is a piece of a broken fireplace grate, crudely hacksawed from a larger structure. It could be made of cast iron, bearing the ornate detailing of a once grand fireplace from the upper city.
• Symbolism: The hacksawed hearth represents the loss of a sense of community and warmth. It's a reminder of a bygone era where people gathered around fireplaces for warmth, comfort, and storytelling. In the high-tech world, these connections are fragmented, replaced by cold technology.
• Use: The relic could be a prized possession, passed down through generations in the lower districts. It might be used as a makeshift heating element, a symbol of resilience, or even a weapon in desperate situations.
• Additional Details: Engravings or markings on the relic could hint at the origin of the fireplace, perhaps a symbol of rebellion or a reminder of a specific historical event.

1. The Hacksawed Hearth Stove:

• Description: This is a makeshift stove cobbled together from scrap metal and scavenged parts. The centerpiece is a prominent, jagged piece of metal, clearly cut with a hacksaw, forming the base or firebox.
• Symbolism: The hacksawed hearth stove represents resourcefulness and defiance. It's a testament to the ingenuity of the lower classes, who repurpose the remnants of the upper world to survive and build a sense of home.
• Use: This stove provides heat and a place to cook for those in the lower districts. The exposed hacksaw mark could serve as a constant reminder of the struggle and the societal divide.
• Additional Details: The stove might be decorated with scavenged trinkets or symbols of rebellion, reflecting the personality of its creator.

1. The Hacksawed Hearth Hologram:

• Description: This is a portable holographic projector that displays a flickering image of a crackling fireplace. The image might be distorted or glitching, hinting at the artificiality of the technology.
• Symbolism: The hacksawed hearth hologram represents a yearning for a lost sense of comfort and togetherness. It's a reminder of something they can't fully possess, a ghost of a simpler life.
• Use: The hologram could be used for warmth (a psychological comfort), storytelling (creating a sense of community), or even bartering (a valuable commodity in the lower districts).
• Additional Details: The projector might be a salvaged piece of high-tech, repurposed by the lower classes. The flickering image could project not just fire, but also forgotten stories or historical events.

These are just a few ideas to build upon the "hacksawed hearth" concept. Each option creates a distinct symbol for your world, capturing the struggle, resourcefulness, and yearning for connection within a high-tech, low-life society.

Apologies, i meant hacksawed heart.

Ah, a "hacksawed heart" takes the concept a whole new level! Here are some potential interpretations for this unique symbol in your high-tech, low-life world:

1. The Literal Hacksawed Heart:

• Description: This is a gruesome yet intriguing object. Imagine a metallic heart-shaped locket, but instead of opening smoothly, it has a jagged, clearly "hacksawed" opening revealing a beating, pulsating red light within.
• Symbolism: It bluntly represents the harsh realities of this world. The exposed, almost violated heart symbolizes emotional vulnerability in a society that prioritizes survival and control.
• Use: This could be a black-market modification used by criminals to suppress or amplify emotions depending on their needs. It could also be a symbol of rebellion, worn by those who refuse to have their emotions controlled by technology.
• Additional Details: The exposed heart could change color or intensity depending on the wearer's emotional state. It could also be a painful reminder of past trauma or a forced emotional manipulation.

1. The Hacksawed Heart Pendant (Metaphorical):

• Description: This is a more subtle pendant, crafted from metal and shaped like a stylized heart. However, the heart shape is not solid, but rather consists of a series of interlocking gears or circuits.
• Symbolism: It represents the struggle between technology and human emotions. The gears represent the cold logic of technology, while the overall heart shape represents the desire for connection and love.
• Use: This could be a widely worn piece of jewelry, a reminder of the delicate balance between technology and humanity.
• Additional Details: The gears could turn or click subtly, representing the constant hum of technology in the background. The design could be simple yet elegant, appealing to people from all social classes.

1. The Hacksawed Heart Hologram:

• Description: This is a holographic projection of a broken heart, pulsating with a faint light. The cracks and breaks seem to have been repaired crudely, with rough stitches or patches.
• Symbolism: It represents the brokenness and resilience of the people in this world. The repaired heart shows their ability to mend emotional wounds and keep fighting despite hardships.
• Use: This could be a symbol used by resistance groups, a reminder that even though their hearts are broken by the system, they refuse to give up hope.
• Additional Details: The hologram could flicker and distort, highlighting the instability of the world and the struggle for emotional stability. It could also project messages of hope or defiance.

These are just a few interpretations of the "hacksawed heart" symbol. Each one offers a unique perspective on the world, highlighting different aspects of the struggle between technology and humanity, vulnerability and resilience, and the fight for emotional connection in a harsh environment.

And how about hacksawed earth?

The "hacksawed earth" is a powerful and evocative image for your high-tech, low-life world. Here are a few interpretations that capture different aspects of this society:

1. The Broken Globe:

• Description: Imagine a metallic globe, the size of a person's head. One side is smooth and polished, depicting a pristine Earth with lush continents and oceans. The other side is brutally "hacksawed" open, revealing a desolate wasteland beneath.
• Symbolism: This broken globe represents the stark contrast between the idealized world presented by technology and the harsh realities of the lower districts. The smooth side shows the world as it could be, while the hacksawed side shows the damage caused by progress and a focus on the elite.
• Use: This could be a symbol used by rebels or environmentalists, a reminder of the true cost of unchecked technological advancement. It could also be a prized artifact kept by scavengers, a testament to a lost world.
• Additional Details: The hacksawed side could reveal specific details like polluted oceans, ravaged landscapes, or scars representing ecological disasters.

1. The Cracked Terrain Model:

• Description: Imagine a detailed, three-dimensional model of the city and surrounding area. The model is crafted from metal and shows buildings, streets, and even the natural landscape. However, the model is cracked and broken in several places, revealing a dark, hollow space beneath.
• Symbolism: This cracked model represents the instability and fragility of the world. The surface world may appear organized, but it's built on a shaky foundation. The hollow space could represent the neglected lower districts or the potential for social upheaval.
• Use: This could be used by city planners to highlight potential areas of weakness or by rebels to show the vulnerability of the upper city. It could also be a symbol of the constant struggle between order and chaos.
• Additional Details: The cracks could be filled with glowing red lights, symbolizing the simmering anger and frustration of the lower classes.

1. The Fractured Hologram:

• Description: Imagine a holographic projection of the Earth that constantly fractures and reforms. It shows a beautiful planet struggling to maintain its integrity, with cracks appearing and disappearing over continents and oceans.
• Symbolism: This fractured hologram represents the constant environmental degradation and the fragility of the planet itself. It's a reminder that the consequences of unchecked technology and environmental damage will affect everyone, not just the lower districts.
• Use: This could be a warning displayed in public spaces, a constant reminder of the need for sustainability. It could also be used by rebels to spread awareness of the environmental cost of their society.
• Additional Details: The fractured Earth could pulse with a red glow, symbolizing the danger of inaction. The projection could also display messages or statistics about environmental threats.

These interpretations of the "hacksawed earth" symbol each offer a compelling way to visualize the societal and environmental consequences of the high-tech, low-life world. They highlight the impact on the environment, the fragility of the system, and the call for change.

What would be the very best thing in such world?

The "best thing" in a high-tech, low-life world depends on perspective and what holds the most value for different people. Here are a few contenders:
For the Struggling Masses:

• True Connection: In a world rife with social isolation and control, genuine connection with others – love, friendship, community – could be the most valuable thing. Sharing stories, offering support, and building a sense of belonging in the face of hardship could be a beacon of hope.
• Freedom from Oppression: The ability to escape the harsh realities of the lower districts, whether through rebellion, ingenuity, or a lucky break, could be considered the ultimate prize. Freedom could mean access to clean water, medical care, or a life free from fear and exploitation.
• Knowledge and Power: Unrestricted access to knowledge, either through scavenged books, hacked data, or forbidden information, could be a powerful tool for change. This knowledge could empower individuals to understand their world, resist control, or even find a path to a better future.

For the Elite:

• Absolute Security: In a world filled with danger and uncertainty, complete security could be a luxury only the wealthy could afford. It could involve advanced security systems, fortified enclaves, or even enhanced bodies that ensure their safety from threats in the lower districts.
• Unlimited Luxury: Unfettered access to the latest technology, exotic pleasures, and the ability to indulge in every whim could be the ultimate goal for some. However, such a luxurious life might feel hollow in a world so divided.
• Power and Control: Maintaining absolute control over society and ensuring their dominance could be the ultimate prize for some in the elite. This control could involve advanced technology, manipulation of information, or even a form of social engineering that keeps the lower districts docile.

A Different Perspective:

• A Spark of Change: Perhaps the most valuable thing wouldn't be a physical object or individual benefit, but the hope for a better future. It could be a growing sense of defiance, a technological breakthrough that could benefit everyone, or a leader who inspires change. Even in a harsh world, the potential for a brighter future could be the most valuable thing of all.

Ultimately, the best thing in this world depends on your story and the characters' values. What are they fighting for? What would make their lives better? By exploring these questions, you can create a compelling world where the "best thing" is a powerful motivator for your characters and a reflection of the themes you want to explore.

What would be the best possible symbol for high-tech-based dominance?

Here are a few options for a symbol of high-tech dominance in your world, each capturing a different aspect of technological control:

1. The Augmented Eye:

• Description: Imagine a stylized eye, perhaps metallic or with glowing circuitry. This symbol could be worn as a piece of jewelry, incorporated into clothing, or even projected as a hologram.
• Symbolism: The Augmented Eye represents the constant surveillance and monitoring of the population by the elite. It signifies the loss of privacy and the ability of the ruling class to see and control everything.
• Additional Details: The eye could have multiple pupils or flicker with different colors, representing the vast amount of data being collected and analyzed. It could also be embedded with a tiny camera, blurring the line between symbol and surveillance tool.

1. The Neural Network Spire:

• Description: A towering structure, resembling a branching network of wires or organic neural pathways, reaching towards the sky. This spire could be located in the heart of the elite district, a visible symbol of their technological prowess.
• Symbolism: The Neural Network Spire represents the vast computational power and interconnectedness of the elite's technology. It suggests their ability to access information, control communication, and manipulate minds.
• Additional Details: The spire could emit a faint hum or glow, hinting at the constant processing power it represents. Its intricate design could be both awe-inspiring and intimidating, reflecting the duality of technology.

1. The Glimmering Hand (Data Hand):

• Description: A stylized metallic hand, outstretched with its fingers spread wide. Each fingertip could have a different symbol or icon, representing different forms of data (statistics, surveillance footage, code).
• Symbolism: The Glimmering Hand represents the elite's ability to manipulate and control data. It signifies their power to shape information, influence perception, and control resources through technology.
• Additional Details: The hand could be made of a smooth, reflective metal, symbolizing the cold logic of data analysis. It could also emit faint streams of data or project holographic information, further emphasizing its control over information flow.

These symbols all offer a distinct way to represent the dominance of high-tech in your world. Consider the specific aspects of technology you want to highlight and the message you want to convey. These options provide a starting point to create a powerful symbol that embodies the oppressive yet awe-inspiring nature of technology in a high-tech, low-life society.

What would be the best set of symbols for resistance movements within such high-tech low-life settings?

In a high-tech, low-life world, symbols for a resistance movement need to be subtle, easily hidden, and adaptable to a world saturated with technology. Here are a few options that capture the spirit of rebellion in this unique setting:

1. The Flickering Flame:

• Description: A simple flickering flame, either a physical lighter or a stylized image. This could be a tattoo, a graffiti tag, or a hidden symbol incorporated into clothing or tools.
• Symbolism: The flickering flame represents hope and defiance against the cold, sterile control of the high-tech world. It symbolizes a yearning for a simpler life and the potential for change.
• Additional Details: The flame could be accompanied by a simple inscription or code that only members of the resistance understand. It could also be a specific color, like blue or orange, that signifies defiance.

1. The Glitching Gear:

• Description: A stylized gear symbol, but with a section that appears to glitch or malfunction. This could be displayed on a data pad, worn as a pendant, or even etched onto tools or scavenged materials.
• Symbolism: The glitching gear represents the disruption of the established order. It signifies the resistance's ability to exploit the flaws in the high-tech system and their fight for a more organic, less controlled society.
• Additional Details: The glitching portion of the gear could flicker or change colors, representing the unpredictable nature of the resistance and their ability to adapt to new situations.

1. The Broken Wing:

• Description: An image of a bird's wing, either broken or only partially formed. This could be a symbol of freedom yearning to be achieved, or the struggle of the resistance against the oppressive technological cage that confines them.
• Symbolism: The broken wing represents the desire for liberation and the belief that the people can rise above the control of the elite. It signifies the hope for a better future where freedom and autonomy are attainable.
• Additional Details: The broken wing could be depicted with feathers falling away, symbolizing the sacrifices made by the resistance. It could also be paired with an image of a rising sun, symbolizing a new dawn for society.

1. The Hacked Flower:

• Description: A simple flower image, but with its petals made of circuit boards or technological components. This symbol represents the fusion of nature and technology, hinting at the resistance's fight for a more balanced future.
• Symbolism: The hacked flower represents the reclamation of beauty and nature in a world dominated by technology. It signifies the hope for a future where technology serves humanity, not the other way around.
• Additional Details: The flower could be a specific species native to the area before the rise of high-tech dominance. It could also be a symbol of a specific leader or movement within the resistance.

These symbols are just a starting point – get creative and consider the specific values and goals of your resistance movement. Remember, the best symbols are those that resonate with the characters and the audience, conveying the essence of rebellion in a way that is both meaningful and visually striking.

I know this might be a long shot, but I figured this might be my best bet on getting help--or being directed elsewhere--creating a tattoo that I really love.
Over the course of my life, my faith has had its ups and downs. I have been through some difficult trials that have broken me but helped me get back to trusting God.
One of the scriptures that keeps showing up for me and has absolutely wrecked me in the best way, has been Deuteronomy 1:33 "...Who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go".
Attached is a song that I came across that I hope you find as useful inspiration: *buildup starts at 43:00 and peak is between 45:00 & 48:30* https://youtu.be/ch_IL0DDRnk?si=yO5H4krNgiNuMuj1&t=2579
Also, here is a picture of what I am kind of wanting. I do like the clean lines and simplicity; however, I want it to be less cartoony/clipart-y and more...bold? I don't want it to be huge--I'm thinking forearm or maybe thigh, but whatever works best artistically. I like how it morphs the clouds, fire, morning star shape, sun, moon, etc all into a cross.
https://preview.redd.it/auyjxs29071d1.png?width=420&format=png&auto=webp&s=beac91656df694c20f3a5480994c57c4fb2deadb
Overall style of work that I am going for is similar to these--several pieces with clean/defined shapes that come together to make a "sleeve"
@pmtsketch on tiktok
@pmtsketch on TikTok
___________________________________________________________________________________________
If you are interested/not familiar with Deuteronomy, this book is a series of passionate sermons presented by Moses to the Israelites during their journey from slavery into the Promised Land. Moses, the leader who rebukes them and guides them into fervently trusting and serving God, endures hardships over and over because of Israel's stubbornness and willingness to serve other gods in times of unbelief even though they have seen Yahweh prove Himself faithful to them time and time again. Even through Moses' faithfulness to Yahweh and his people, he is not allowed to enter the promised land; thus, why he is so passionate in these sermons to try and shepherd his people and ensure they end up with an unshakeable faith and leave them with a firm guideline on how Yahweh requires them (and future generations) to serve Him.
Deuteronomy 1 is the first example of how God has made a promise to his chosen people and they demonstrate unbelief in the face of their blessing after JUST being delivered out of slavery. Yahweh rebukes them and ensures his people that He travels by fire at night and cloud by day, defeating their enemies and causing them to flee so that Israel can enter the land being promised by God. He is a faithful and loving God who will show up in huge ways for his children, but requires total surrender and faithfulness to Him alone.
___________________________________________________________________________________________

Working with IP adapters and a comic/anime generating checkpoint, I've been able to create nice consistent face results for a comic.
IP adapter does 70%-80% of the job, and then I go into Photoshop to tune levels/gama, add some characteristic elements (an earring or a tattoo, for example) , and pass it through SD again for final touches. So far, so good!
Where I get lose now is clothing. I download all safepoints from hugging face (https://huggingface.co/h94/IP-Adaptetree/main), but in A1111 some seem to be missing from the list of available processors once I select IP Adapter. For example, I downloadedip-adapter-plus_sd15.safetensors and relaunched SD, but I still can't see it from the dropdown menu.
What I do see is ip-adapater-auto, which I did not download, and I guess this is just part of the script where it attempts to identify the matching model. This I'm basiing on the fact that when I run IP adapter, I see "ip-adapter-auto ==> ip-adapter-clip-g" which tells me it automatically switched to the appropriate preprocessor.
The issues is when I choose ip-adapter-auto from the preprocessor list with ip-adapater-sdxl, I get an error: "RuntimeError: Input type (torch.cuda.FloatTensor) and weight type (torch.FloatTensor) should be the same." I still see ip-adapter-auto ==> ip-adapater-clip-g.
What I'm trying to figure out is:

1. Which preprocessor should I use for clothes, or generic body recognition, like poses? Should it still be ip-adapter-auto? If not, where do I get it from?
2. several documentations say to run the sd15 Preprocessor or sd15 clip. I do have ip-adapter_sd15.safetensors inside /models/ControlNet, but I do not see it on the list. Can this be because of the checkpoint I'm using, a SDXL one?
3. If you have a workflow to copy clothes/poses in SD using A1111, do you mind sharing? I know I can use PS, and I do. I can get by with simple clothing pretty well. But I'm wondering about SD specifically.

Thank you!

Im not too good at knowing where things should go, so imma put this here and ask if anyone can give me advice on what to change.

This file was automatically generated by Mod Organizer.

Fallout4.esm
DLCRobot.esm
DLCworkshop01.esm
DLCCoast.esm
DLCworkshop02.esm
DLCworkshop03.esm
DLCNukaWorld.esm
Unofficial Fallout 4 Patch.esp
REFramework.esm
Ownership Fixes.esp
Community Fixes Merged.esp
TMR_GlitchfinderAIO.esm
BakaFramework.esm
HUDFramework.esm
XDI.esm
WorkshopFramework.esm
CWWorkshopMaster.esm
InstituteTechnologyOverhaul.esm
AshlandStationSettlement.esp
Snap'n Build.esm
YouAndWhatArmy2.esm
KARMA.esm
PPF.esm
GoodneighborExpanded.esp
SSTMinutemanWatchtowers.esl
CWWorkshopPackPart2.esl
CW10mmPistol.esl
CW32Pistol.esl
CWOutfitPackPart2.esl
ClassicMysteriousStranger.esl
CROSS_VertibirdFlightsuit.esl
CWRaiders.esl
SSTRagsPirates.esl
SSTTomsBruisers.esl
SSTMinutemenOrganizedMilitia.esl
SSTGrizzledSecurity.esl
Munitions - An Ammo Expansion.esl
Munitions - Vanilla Ammo Addon.esl
RunningWithHandsAnim.esl
7 More SPECIAL points.esl
LIF.esl
HiPolyFacesCompanionPlugin.esl
WhatsYourName.esl
SSTFungalForestLOD.esl
deathclawshd2k.esl
DeadlierDeathclaws.esp
WeaponModFixes-GOTY.esp
MiscAnimTweaks.esp
Wetness Shader Fix.esp
Fixed Gobo Effects.esp
Give Me That Bottle Rehydrated.esp
RAW INPUT.esp
Less Annoying Berry Mentats.esp
EveryonesBestFriend.esp
FOVSlider.esp
XDI ServiceCost.esp
OutlineWorkshopShader.esp
Less intrusive tutorial.esp
Grab and Eat.esp
CompanionStatus.esp
CompanionStatus-Settings.esp
WmkActiveEffects.esp
RBChemSortGOTY.esp
Smoke-able Cigars.esp
AnimatedIngestibles.esp
AnimChemRedux.esp
MGRemesh.esp
Assault Rifle Reanimated.esp
smmg.esp
RocketRifle.esp
skewer.esp
DakGrenadeAPW.esp
CROSS_CryoLance.esp
NV_LMG.esp
DakBAR.esp
AMR3000.esp
Dak20mm.esp
F4NVServiceRifleRedux.esp
DakPoliceShotgun.esp
DakHomemadeSaiga.esp
DakHomemadeVityaz.esp
DakRevolverRifle.esp
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DakRugerRifles.esp
DakVintageRepeater.esp
DakFAL.esp
F4CW10mmSMG.esp
DakDeagle.esp
DakBorz.esp
DakLindaPistol.esp
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CrudeBlowback.esp
DakSCAMP.esp
DAKMAC.esp
22Pack.esp
MedMeleePack.esp
DakSurvivalHatchet.esp
DakBowieKnife.esp
InstituteTechnologyOverhaul - FULL.esp
AttachPack.esp
Attach Pack Modcol.esp
The Attachment Pack - Implementation WMF Patch.esp
Attach Pack Mod Description Fixes.esp
WestTek.esp
WestTekOpticsAligned.esp
DakCRRedux.esp
UniqueUniques.esp
AKSounds.esp
RightHandedHuntingRifle.esp
InstitutePowerArmor.esp
InstitutePowerArmorForFinalBosses.esp
More_Clothes_Textures.esp
MiscOutfitPackv2.esp
MercenaryOutfits.esp
F3metalarmor.esp
Classic Combat Armor.esp
QwibWandererVaultSuit.esp
QwibLucyBag.esp
CROSS_CourserStrigidae.esp
CROSS_InstituteExpeditionarySuit.esp
CROSS_BrotherhoodRecon.esp
CROSS_CoA.esp
ChineseStealthSuit.esp
Tribal Forged.esp
GreaseRatGarbs.esp
GreaseRatGarbs_RaiderPatch.esp
TheKite_Railroad_Handmaiden.esp
DX_Black_Widow.esp
CorvalhoWidowShotgun.esp
DT_GunnerOutfitPack.esp
DTG_LeveledListIntegration.esp
AtomsGloryThreads.esp
Radical.esp
Radical-eXoPatch.esp
MojaveImports.esp
Wasteland Imports Reloaded - ECO-NEO Patch.esp
Wasteland Imports Reloaded - Force Lock Disabler.esp
WI_auto-inject_fixer.esp
WestTekTacticalOptics.esp
WestTekTacticalOptics - WP.esp
4estGimp - WestTekTac_Injection.esp
RED.esp
BoSStory.esp
BoS Story Typo Patch.esp
Lunar - BoSStory.esp
InstituteReformation.esp
InstituteStory.esp
FatherCompanion.esp
NukaWorldReborn.esp
VivaNukaWorldQuests.esp
VivaNukaWorldQuests_nerfs.esp
3DNPC_FO4.esp
3DNPC_FO4-UFO4P.esp
3DNPC-eXoPatch.esp
3DNPCs Typo Patch.esp
Patch XDIServiceCost-TftC.esp
3DNPC_FO4 FaceGen.esp
Swectorious_3DNPC-InstituteStory_Patch.esp
OldTimeReligion.esp
OldTimeReligion-Legendary.esp
AtomicRadio.esp
3DNPC_FO4_DLC.esp
Flashy_CrimeAndPunishment.esp
Flashy_CrimeAndPunishment_MercPatch.esp
SCDC_v0.5.esp
MentalHealth.esp
MH_Smokable_Patch.esp
FFHD.esp
Infiltrator - Lockpicking Overhaul.esp
CannibalReworked.esp
DineNDash.esp
WastelandCannibals.esp
CHALLENGES.esp
Complex Vendors.esp
Complex Vendors - UFO4P Patch.esp
BlockingOverhaul.esp
NPCs Use Items.esp
Chemfluence AI Combat Dynamics.esp
STEALTH AND DETECTION SYSTEM 5c.esp
Realistic Crippled Limbs Effects No Autoheal.esp
Bastion.esp
Community Fixes Merged - BPA Redux Patch.esp
SimplePowerArmorReductionSystem.esp
broken_t45.esp
Concord - Broken Minigun on Rooftop.esp
Vault111PistolLockedUp.esp
DLC Timing.esp
DLC Timing - UFO4P Patch.esp
Keep Radiants In Commonwealth.esp
Thrive Redone.esp
StimpaksHealNoLimbs_RobCo.esp
Weapon Scrapping Redone.esp
Clothing Scrapping Redone.esp
Dank_ECO-INNR.esp
Dank_ECO-WestTek.esp
Dank_ECO.esp
Dank_ECO_DLCCoast.esp
Dank_ECO_DLCNukaWorld.esp
Dank_ECO_DLCRobot.esp
Dank_ArmorOverrides.esp
Dank_ArmorOverrides_DLCCoast.esp
Dank_ArmorOverrides_DLCNukaWorld.esp
Dank_ArmorOverrides_DLCRobot.esp
Dank_INNRoverride.esp
Dank_ECO-Munitions.esp
Dank_ECO-Munitions_INNR.esp
NoRailRoadBallisticWeaveCPL.esp
WhoIsTheGeneral.esp
WTG - KRIC Patch.esp
SimpleSettlers.esp
Orphans.esp
ChildrenofBunkerHill.esp
ChildrenofGoodneighbor.esp
GunnersOverhaul.esp
FO4 NPCs Travel.esp
Face Fixes - All in One.esp
GhoulBlood.esp
[ARRETH] FGEP-DE NoKnockDown.esp
[ARRETH] FGEP-DE.esp
4estGimp - MFG_FGEP-DE Merged.esp
VeryZenFGEP_2k.esp
VeryZen_FGEP_SoundLevels.esp
Very Zen FGEP Tanks.esp
Improved_Radstag_Behavior.esp
Extended Diamond City Security Dialogue.esp
PiperCaitCurieDialogueOverhaul.esp
Interview.esp
Genetical Father 1.0.1.esp
LooksMenu.esp
LooksMenu Customization Compendium.esp
HiPolyFaces.esp
LMBTOverlays.esp
RutahTattooPack_FO4.esp
Lots More Male Hairstyles.esp
Lots More Female Hairstyles.esp
Lots More Facial Hair.esp
[HN] New Bald Hairstyles.esp
Rusty Face Fix.esp
Lightweight Lighting.esp
Gloomy Glass.esp
FO4ParticlePatch.esp
WET.esp
WAVE.esp
NF_Rocks_Fix.esp
Makeshifttextures.esp
The Silver Shroud.esp
UniquePipboy.esp
Vault Outfits Redux.esp
CROSS_GoreCrits.esp
CROSS_GoreCrits_FarHarborPatch.esp
dD-Enhanced Blood Basic.esp
ScopeOverlayDOF.esp
DiamondCityBillboards.esp
GoodneighborView.esp
RemoveBlur.esp
TerrainUndersides.esp
Terrain Undersides - PPF Patch.esp
SettlementMenuManager.esp
WorkshopPlus.esp
DD_Khassar_De_Templari_Increased_build.esp
Better_Settlement_Defence.esp
Conquest.esp
OCDecorator.esp
OCDecoratorDLC.esp
OCDispenser.esp
g2m_Workshop_Nexus.esp
Snappy_HouseK.esp
cVc Dead Wasteland 6.esp
cVc Dead Wasteland 6 DLC.esp
cVc Dead Wasteland 6 DLC2.esp
cVc Dead Wasteland 6 DLC3.esp
KURO.esp
Thematic and Practical - DLC.esp
Thematic and Practical.esp
woodysWastelandStuff.esp
WoodysWastelandStuff_SMM_Main_Menu.esp
MutilatedDeadBodies.esp
Elzee Gramophone.esp
WDP-PC.esp
Workshop Bookcase Door.esp
SnappingClothesRack.esp
WWP - PC.esp
ManufacturingExtended.esp
ManufacturingExtendedFH.esp
DLC items to manufacturing.esp
cartman1975_soylent.esp
ZebrinasWorkshopDevices.esp
ZebrinasWorkshopDevices-WorkshopRearranged.esp
BusySettlers.esp
Prisoner Shackles.esp
PrisonerShackles SMM.esp
BasementLiving.esp
Grounded.esp
JustDebris.esp
JustDebris Revised SMM.esp
MutilatedDeadBodies-Workshop.esp
NorthlandDiggers.esp
PWR.esp
PassiveWaterResources SMM.esp
MakeshiftBattery.esp
MakeshiftBattery SMM.esp
ruined_handmadeturrets.esp
WorkshopRearranged.esp
WorkshopRearrangedAddon_WeightlessJunk.esp
FarHarborBobbleheads.esp
EvilViking13_PatchworkSanctuaryBridge.esp
ImmersiveCovenantCompound.esp
Hunkered Down.esp
WZWildWasteland.esp
Lore Notes.esp
Rsiyo'sLocationPack.esp
stumbleuponinteriors.esp
3DNPC_FO4-Patch.esp
PRP.esp
3DNPC_FO4[Previsibines].esp
SSTFungalForest.esp
GoodneighborExpanded[Patch-PRP].esp
CrimeTown.esp
GoodneighborExpanded[Patch-Crimetown].esp
GoodneighborExpanded[Patch-Previs].esp
TrainBar.esp
Train Bar - Deleted Navmesh Fix-twiz.esp
3DNPC_FO4Settler.esp
3DNPC_FO4Settler FaceGen.esp
Stm_DiamondCityExpansion.esp
DiamondCity-PreVis.esp
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BuildingGroundFix.esp
Scrap (Not Quite) Everything - 1 Sanctuary Roads, Foundations, Houses and Driveways.esp
Scrap (Not Quite) Everything - 2 Red Rocket and Starlight Combo.esp
PuddleReflectionFix.esp

Hi, I know some of you have been interested in Joost’s written stuff, so this is one of them. It’s a short story that Joost wrote for Boekenweek voor Jongeren (Book Week for Young People) in 2019. There’s more info about it here (in Dutch) https://www.vice.com/nl/article/qvgzpv/joost-klein-schreef-een-kort-verhaal-over-een-wilde-nacht-in-berlijn and there was also this promo video for it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx7wxnpxps0. It's been translated from Dutch - maybe not the most perfect translation but it's readable. Original in Dutch here. Enjoy

"How come he suddenly has cash?" I looked at Gurb, but he avoided my gaze. Louis never had money and yet he was buying another round. Meanwhile, a Moby song was playing and nothing made sense. "If he has money for drinks, he can surely pay me back, right?"
Just a few hours ago, I was alone in Berlin. Now, ten hours later, I'm standing in some obscure techno club with my best friends. Loud rock music with drunken shouting. "Hey, Miss Murder, can I make beauty stay if I take my life?" I woke up that day with a mild hangover from the lonely yet people-filled night before. Perfect conditions for a 20-year-old dropout.
The Hard Rock Café was the most beautifully ugly place in Berlin. Gurb had driven for seven hours straight in his mother's car, but we didn't notice. An iconic black Mini Cooper. Your body leads your mind, the beat never stops, and you can conquer the world. Louis threw in another crazy dance move. We were happy.
"Do you want another drink, brother?" Gurb asked me, half shouting. An evening filled with rhetorical questions. He saw me dancing and already knew the answer.
Gurb always had money. Louis, on the other hand, never did. Louis was also the youngest of us three. He had just turned 18. I wouldn't call him a cunning fox. More like a jack-of-all-trades. Like the time he made a lot of money on a Wadden Island with a group of boys. They sold large blocks of hash.
"Crazy dude!" I shouted at him. He yelled something back.
"Do you remember back then?" Louis said.
"Back then? Back then? Yeah man, of course!" I had no idea what he meant. "Do you mean the party?"
"Do you mean the party, he says! This guy. When I look at you like this, it makes me happy. The exact same kid is here letting loose just like back in high school!"
We knew each other from secondary school. He joined when I was in the second grade. He was very intelligent. Too young, too much knowledge of the world. His mother is from Brazil. We often went to his mother's place to play on the Playstation Louis and I had bought together.
I lived everywhere at that time. In the crisis shelter where I stayed for a while, for example, I wasn't allowed to have a Playstation. So we set it up in an accessible place, near school. It was always fun with Louis. Going together to the Apple Store. Taking all kinds of photos with all the webcams, posting them on Hyves, and then leaving. Louis always knew how to cheer me up.
"Aaaaaaaaaa!" There was Gurb with five drinks in his hands. Gurb was wearing a blue checkered shirt. Two buttons undone. Hair slicked back. "You look good, brother!"
"You look fresh too! We all look fresh!" Gurb said enthusiastically. Louis was wearing a completely white outfit. We quickly bought this before going out. He also bleached his hair.
"You look like the Brazilian cousin of James Dean in these clothes," I said. Louis laughed. "Let me take a picture."
Suddenly, the DJ switched to some kind of techno. "Ah, here Berlin briefly takes off its mask." I was fine with it all. Louis was talking to a lady.
Voluptuous breasts, I thought to myself. He gave her one of his two drinks.
"He's with a girl and he's thinking with his dick," I said to Gurb. "Let him be, tonight Berlin is ours!"
The bass kept pounding. "I simply don't have the patience for the club," I said to Gurb. He looked surprised. Like a sweet dog, tilting his head. "I'm just waiting for tomorrow. Can't do my thing here. Don't have patience for the already known. I want adventure and I want it now!"
Gurb started laughing. "Patience is a virtue." Yes. Patience is all well and good, but I think it's a waste of my time. Gurb grabbed my shoulder.
"I think it's time for another beer."
Louis and I were walking through Leeuwarden a year ago when suddenly a red Ford Ka stopped in front of us. It was Gurb, casually driving around the city. He invited us into his car. We hopped in. Since that afternoon, the three of us were together. A few months later, Louis got a tattoo on his ribs in honor of our friendship. It was the name of our group chat. Braddar Force Indigo.
There were also days when Gurb would take me for a drive around Friesland. He reminded me how beautiful Friesland is. The world doesn't spin there. The newspapers I threw away in the Stiens forest in 2011 could still be lying in the same spot, so to speak.
Just before midnight, I found myself in line for the restroom. My eyes fell on a pair of striking shoes. Cigarette smoke invaded my nose for the fourth time. "Müssen Sie eine Zigarette haben?" a female voice spoke to me. I felt like Tom Hanks in the final scene of Angels & Demons, where the new pope first steps onto the balcony. The curtains opened. There I was, witnessing an important moment in history. I was just told how I was sent by God, but my ears didn't want to hear any of it. At least that's how I felt. My mouth was empty. I had no words left. That's when I knew for sure. Berlin might really be as crazy as literally everyone says.
Dark blond, silky hair. Was this real beauty then? She wouldn't look 40, but I think she was. A true woman. Beautiful in all her elegance. I always joked about being interested in older women, but tonight one stood in front of me. "I don't smoke," I said to her.
Someone tapped me. "Please, just go to the toilet!" He was right. I hadn't peed in a while either. My urine was cloudy. "Glomerulonephritis," I said to myself on the toilet. This is an unusual condition. It's an inflammation in the kidneys, I thought I remembered. They should never have given me access to Google.
The evening progressed, and Louis kept buying rounds. "But seriously now. How does Louis suddenly have all that money for drinks?" I asked Gurb. He was outside smoking with a group of Swiss girls. I had strategically positioned myself so that I could always leave the crime scene if necessary.
"You shouldn't ask me," said Gurb. He was laughing with the temporary girlfriend group of Louis. Gurb has a beard. A lot of chicks like that. I get it too.
As much as I enjoyed Louis and Gurb being here for me, something didn't sit right with me. It couldn't just be about the money. "What's up with him?" I heard one of the Swiss girls say to Gurb.
Those kinds of questions really tire me out. "Not much, with you?" I replied.
They all started laughing. "That's not what she meant, brother," said Gurb.
"I couldn't care less whether she meant it or not. Send that brace-face back to Switzerland. Don't drive me crazy, alright!"
Actually, I hadn't drunk that much that evening. "Two vodka Sprites, please!" It's rare for me to get just one drink. "I always get two drinks, then you have to wait shorter for the third one!" Maybe the alcohol was affecting me more than I wanted to admit. Oh well, it was still the three of us against the world.
"Nice shoes, are those Prada?" I asked a random girl at the bar.
"No, these are fake. Why would I buy real ones for 600 dollars if I could just buy these for 20?"
"..."
I'm not very good at that. Talking. To women.
Louis and Gurb were in the smoking area now. It was less blue than the dance floor itself. My clothes already stank, so a visit to the smoking area couldn't hurt. "These people are so underground!" Gurb shouted. Louis was filming him with his phone. "These people..." There was a brief pause. As if Gurb forgot the only line he had. "...so underground!" All three of us burst into laughter. The alcohol flowed through our veins as if it came from the purest mountains. People seemed doubled and the room was full. We had been in the same club in Berlin for several hours.
"Leonardo! What are you hiding from the big boss?" I sometimes called Louis ‘DiCaprio.’ "You a rich guy, now?" I said, with an accent as if I were from the Bronx.
Louis started laughing. "Eh, you know nothing. Bullshit talk."
I had to laugh too. What was I even worried about? Friends are friends, with or without money. That shouldn't matter. Louis probably just worked for that money. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. Maybe he just had enough to buy rounds. But what if my gut feeling was right? That feeling was never wrong. Except for that one time at the Holland Casino in Groningen. Even the best of us have slip-ups. I was just getting worked up again. When it comes down to it, Louis is one of the sweetest guys I know. I had to let it go. After all, it's still Louis.
"I think I'm going to have sex soon, man," Louis said.
"With who?" I asked immediately.
"That one girl."
"Which one?"
"The one with the boobs."
"Oh, her. Just be careful."
"What kind of reaction is that?" Louis asked indignantly.
I'd only had four drinks, but I was acting like a mess. Louis was right. I didn't understand myself. Where was my head at? I'm here in Berlin, supposed to be having the time of my life, but here I am feeling lonely and sad again. Joost once again couldn't control his emotions.
"Sorry," I suddenly said to Louis. "Sorry for my behavior. Been acting dumb towards you all night. It's unnecessary." Sometimes I have that. Mood swings. "Know that crime is never the solution. We've talked about this so many times. Yes, it's tempting and sometimes easy money. I sometimes find it amusing too, but it's always hypothetical. Ask me for help. I can help you, even with illegal things. I'll always have your back." The dancing was kind of over.
The words I had just placed on Louis's plate came from my heart. My Frisian, irregular boys' heart.
Crying in the club. I had never seen myself like that. Crying, yes. In the club, no. I never understood the taboo around crying. Or emotions in general. I saw myself in the mirror. They weren't tears of joy. They weren't tears of sadness either. It was me letting everything go. All the emotions I had ever felt. The emotions I felt between my brother and sister and myself because they wanted to take on a parental role over me, but I was in puberty, so I pushed them away. The emotions I felt when my old neighbors were supposed to take care of my dog, but didn't tell me that he was bitten by one of their dogs. They didn't have money for the surgery, they later told me. They were ashamed of their lack of money. My dog died from this injury. Even the emotions that were all jumping at once during the retake for my swimming diploma A, I let go of.
No emotions. Just for a moment, not feeling anything. Is that too much to ask for?
"You still don’t smoke?"
It had to be the voice of the woman with the cigarettes. I looked over my shoulder through the mirror. It was her. The one with dark blond, silky hair.
"Not to be rude, but this is the men’s room," I said. She took a step closer and kissed me on my lips. It tasted like more. We started kissing. It had been a while since I had had female contact at this level. It probably didn't look good and it didn't feel good either. She started kissing my neck. Slowly, I noticed the pressure in the erectile tissues of my penis starting to increase. "I really don't have time for this!" I thought to myself. The woman with the cigarettes started to slowly sink down until she was on her knees. I didn't want this. Not now, not like this. She unraveled my penis from my Polo Ralph Lauren underwear. Her tongue was blue. It was probably from cheap shots of alcohol.
Was this real beauty then? Was this the beginning or the end of her story? And had I become the boy my parents hoped I would be? I thought about the fact that this was once someone's little daughter. Somewhere in the world, an old man might be wondering what his daughter is doing. Am I really putting pleasure above my own morals and values?
With my semi-erect circumcised penis still exposed, I lifted her up. After giving her a kiss on her forehead, I pulled up my pants and left the toilets.
It was the usual last hour in any club ever. I met Louis and Gurb at the bar. "Should we have another drink?" I asked Gurb. "I feel like having a cocktail. Something sweet. Lots of sugar. What about you?"
Gurb looked at the menu. "A cognac would go down well right now."
"A cognac? You're only nineteen!" Gurb and Louis laughed. "Two Tequila Sunrises please!" I called to the bartender. "Also, two beers! Thanks!" I also got a beer for Louis. At first, I didn't want to, but I didn't want to spoil the mood either. Besides, I didn't want to show too much that it bothered me so much.
We danced away the last minutes. The club closed, and we decided to walk with the group of Swiss girls. Apparently, they were staying nearby.
As I lagged behind the group, one of them tried to start a conversation with me. "Are you okay?" she asked kindly.
"I'm fine. Just had too much beer. Makes me sleepy." Not true at all, but I've heard people say that.
"You’re tired? The fun has only just began!" And as she said this, she pulled something out of her inner pocket. Her clenched fist, shielded by a half jacket. Who is this girl, anyway? I thought to myself. She opened her hand flat, and right in the center of her palm lay two small pills with a smiley face on them. At least, they looked like it.
"Oh, I don’t do drugs. Sorry."
"Me neither!" And she swallowed a pill. "Now it’s your turn... Or are you scared?"
Scared? Who did this crazy Swiss witch (with really beautiful eyes) think she was. With her "are you scared". I'll show her who's scared.
"Scared? I’m not scared." I picked up the remaining pill and swallowed it.
Everything went in slow motion. Was this who I had become? Was this the same boy from high school? And just before I could swallow, I spat out the pill. She was shocked. I picked up the pill again, dried it with my jacket, and put it back in her fist. "Maybe later!" I shouted, running back to the group, over my shoulder.
I have nothing to say to 9 out of 10 peers I come across. Of course, I can be social. I can also have fun with random people in random situations, but that night, it just tired me out. I also didn't understand what we were doing there. Those girls found me strange anyway. Suddenly, I was the fifth wheel.
"We know this place where they go until 7 in the morning!" The girl leader of the group spoke. I wanted to go home. "If you guys want, you can go. Don't worry about me," I said to Gurb and Louis. The boys had a brief discussion. We agreed to stay for just a little while longer for some drinks. I consented. I was thirsty. "I'll have a Fanta, Louis."
Gurb had reached the last cigarette in his pack. Louis and a girl from the group were nowhere to be found. It didn't even bother me. This guy just walks around with some cash in his pocket and all hell breaks loose. After a night full of stimuli, I understood Louis. Of course, I understood Louis. He's a young god. Handsome, smart guy. But that didn't make me any less angry. It was purely about trust for me. Something inside me said I should stop subconsciously expecting things from people too. It prevents disappointment.
"Hotel please!" I jokingly suggested to Gurb. "Should you call Louis or should I?" I added. Gurb immediately grabbed his Android smartphone and called Louis. He put the call on speaker.
"Are you ready?" Gurb asked.
"Yeah. Sort of."
"What do you mean?"
"We didn't have sex."
"That's fine, right? Tomorrow's a new day!"
"I think I'm in love, man," Louis said.
"...," Gurb said, chuckling as he let out a sigh.
Once we arrived at the girls' hostel, it was already getting light. Louis was thankfully back. There were stains on his pants, around his knees. My focus was solely on arranging a taxi. Although the boys were still flirting, I was really done now. "How are we going to pay for this taxi?" I said a bit too loudly.
There was a silence. "Don't worry. I still have cash," Gurb said.
"Yeah, I knew you would," I replied.
My words clearly hit Louis. "What do you mean by that?" he said.
It was as if time stood still for a few seconds. "Exactly what I said. Better listen." Louis pulled out a small wad of green bills from his pocket. At least 400 euros. "I don't even want to see that money," I reacted. I walked away.
I'll just order a taxi myself.
"Why are you walking away now?" Gurb said.
"Twelve hours ago, I was alone too, and I had a lot more fun then."
"Do you really want to know how I got this money?" Louis said.
Yes, I did want to know. My whole evening revolved around that damn money.
He took a second of pause before he began speaking. "The answer lies in the Mini."
What on earth could be in Gurb's mother's car? Louis was trying to get into my head. "Taxi!"
Once in the taxi, the division was clear. Gurb was upfront, chatting animatedly with the driver. All adventures ever were recounted. Louis and I in the back. One of my best friends since I was thirteen. Funny how things turn out. It was quiet between us. I was in my head, rehearsing how I would bring up the money again. It didn't add up, and he knew it himself. "I don't care, you know," I said, hoping he'd break.
"What don't you care about?"
"About that money."
"What money? You're really a crazy woozy man." Louis burst out laughing again.
On the other hand, it was silent. Gurb had started talking about the driver's family. The driver didn't appreciate it. Gurb meant well. The driver smelled of alcohol. Or was it me? His nails were polished. Maybe his wife was a specialist. I bite my nails myself. Like now.
"In the Mini, oh yeah."
"Shut up. Illegal man."
"You'll never know."
"Stop playing. Just say it!"
Louis grabbed my head, pulled himself towards me, and brought his mouth to my right ear. "Why so serious?" he whispered. He didn't want to tell me.
"But always with this damn money, huh?" I almost shouted at Louis. I broke every silence within a radius of 10 kilometers.
"I'm trying my best, bro. It is what it is. I can't make it any different," he replied. It was clearly bothering him deeply. He ran his hands through his hair. "Sometimes people have to do things. And you know that better than anyone. Sometimes they have to do things they don't really want to or aren't supposed to do."
I knew this spiel all too well. Through all the drunken haziness, I suddenly saw a small glimmer of light. A tiny spark of sincerity. Louis was serious this time.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to involve you in this. I'm sorry," sweat dripped from his forehead.
"You're serious, huh? Damn, man. What mess have you gotten yourself into now? Worse than Terschelling?" Worse than Terschelling would mean stolen goods. Maybe even violence.
"It's not what you think."
"The Adlon Hotel, right?" the driver chimed in. Always saved by the bell, that Louis.
Suddenly I hit my head against the seat in front of me. Of course, I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. The last thing I saw was Gurb waking up in panic from his drunken stupor. One by one, I started losing my senses. It started with the feeling in my fingers. For a brief moment, everything wasn't quite black, and I could only see a vague pattern of colors repeating inside my eyelids. You could compare it to the brief moment after the commercial break before the movie starts in the cinema. The movie was about to begin.
I knew I wasn't dying. At least not yet. Not like this. Not after an overall mediocre night out in Berlin. I found comfort in the image I forced myself to see. It was all in my head. There I was, unconscious.
I saw myself in a third-person point of view. It wasn't like I was actually leaving my body. More like there was a webcam hanging in one of the upper corners of the taxi.
As a child, I used to dream a lot about death. Nights spent awake.
At some point, I developed a kind of compulsive behavior. I kept swaying my torso from left to right with my hands under my head. It became almost like a workout before bedtime. Every night.
I called it dream shuffling. Just like I had learned to shuffle puzzle pieces or playing cards. Making things a little exciting for yourself. But what I almost never told anyone was that I was scared. I was afraid of burglars, who were very agile and muscular.
Especially afraid that they would murder me. I really wanted to know what death was like. It scared me.
These fear visions originated during an all-inclusive vacation in Turkey. I was 6 years old and already in bed. There was a big old TV in our hotel room, so I could secretly watch TV from bed. Every evening, my parents sat on the balcony. Here they discussed their day while enjoying a glass of alcohol. There was a Japanese animated series on TV. In the few seconds that I watched, I saw a scary creature climbing a sort of apartment complex via the balconies. The creature had hundreds of teeth and blond hair. It quickly entered to decapitate the people, then drained them and, as a final insult, robbed them. Dozens of carcasses of dead people were scattered around the apartment complex. The complex on TV resembled the resort where we were in reality, and the TV world merged with my surroundings. I became part of it. I saw people watching. No matter how loudly I screamed for help, they didn't react. The sun became very bright, and the people turned into nothing more than shadows. As the intensity of the sun increased, something became clear to me. These were not people. They had a sort of orange skin. Where I had previously thought it was their nose and mouth, it turned out that these shadowy figures did not have such physical features. They simply had three holes in their heads. The police tried to do something, but in vain. Since then, we always kept the light on in the hallway outside my bedroom. By rocking back and forth, from left to right, I could glance fleetingly at the beam of light under the door. That bit of light, escaping from the hallway into my room, gave me an advantage. It allowed me to stay one step ahead of the burglars. Pretty smart, right?
"From Jamaica to the world!
It’s just love. Why must the children play in the street?"
It was Bob Sinclar with "Love Generation" speaking to us through the taxi's speakers. We were stationary. I was conscious again, but I didn't feel alive at all. "How long was I out?" I asked Louis.
I could tell by his expression that he was relieved. Relieved that I was back. "One minute," he almost apologized. Louis gave me a pat on the shoulder. Gurb, on the other hand, was sleeping. He slept like a baby cub.
I put my right index finger on my forehead. It felt wet, but it wasn't blood. Blood feels different. Meanwhile, I kept hearing whistling.
"Be the love generation! Oh yeah!" It was still that same song by Bob Sinclar.
The earlier scent of alcohol had now been replaced by the smell of incense. It smelled like the same incense I had in my room. Sold to me as Tibetan 39 incense. I had bought it at a coffee shop in Rotterdam. I pulled up my notes on my phone. "Who lights incense in a CAR????" I let Louis read from my screen. He took the phone from my hands and started typing as well.
"Look at Gurb >>>" Gurb was so deeply asleep that his head drooped. His seatbelt held his torso in place, but his head ended up on the driver's shoulder. The man didn't mind. He didn't move. I made eye contact with the driver through the rearview mirror, and soon I found him. He winked at me.
We arrived at the hotel. Gurb awakened from his alcoholic hibernation. "Who's going to pay for the taxi?" I asked. Clearly rhetorical. I already knew I would take this one for the team, as usual. I refused to use Louis's money. It was uncomfortably quiet. "By card please," I said.
"I'll always protect you, Louis. You really need to know that. I care about you like my own little brother. I'll always try to help you. But you have to be honest with me. Can you do that?" Louis didn't hesitate.
"Yes. Yes, I can. I'll show you. It's really in the Mini." Meanwhile, the taxi driver's card machine indicated that I had insufficient funds. That couldn't be right. Maybe I had withdrawn too much that evening.
"I have cash in the hotel room," Gurb said to me. Gurb informed the driver in broken English that he would go get his cash. The driver agreed. Money is money, whether it comes now or later. As long as it feels good in your hands.
Louis and I got out of the taxi. "You're not going to light a cigarette now, are you?" Louis wanted to smoke. "Especially for stress. That's really for people who can't handle pain. You need to feel pain. Pain needs to brand you for the rest of your life so you finally learn not to do such stupid things." It fell silent again. My blood boiled. All pots were on the stove. I felt like Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen. "Show me then. Do it."
Louis remained silent and walked around the corner of the hotel. Towards the parking lot. I followed him. "You're not going to find much," said Louis.
"Why not? Are you a magician?"
"No. Just. Not much."
"So there's suddenly magically nothing in Gurb's car?"
"Stop. Get out. Get out of my head!" Louis shouted. Louis had had enough. He was done with the parade. Normally we dealt with hypothetical stories. Only this time it wasn't a joke. I was sure now. Louis had dropped his mask. The revolution had begun. The government had fallen and the dikes had broken. The people were in charge. "You shouldn't freak out like this. Always wanting more. Sweet boy, think about yourself."
After Gurb gave the money to the driver, he came to us. He had a smile on his face, lit a cigarette, and exclaimed, "Brothers!" Once with us, he hugged me. He started laughing. "Maybe I haven't been entirely honest either." Sometimes Gurb seemed like a 38-year-old man. In a positive way. He exuded confidence in a way I didn't often see. Affectionate, with a hint of authority.
We stood in the middle of a large parking lot. "Look. We've reached a point where I might not even care anymore. You guys are teasing me." It did matter to me. Maybe more than ever. I was supposed to be two steps ahead of them, but I couldn't figure it out. "I give up."
The delightful silence returned. Louis and Gurb looked at each other. "You guys win. Apparently, I'm not to be trusted as a friend."
From Louis's expression, I could tell he disagreed with this. "Not true. Come to the car."
We arrived at the car. Louis unlocked it and searched for the trunk button. Gurb had started his third cigarette. "It's a corpse, isn't it? Say it now. I can still help you. I can still help us. I can book a ticket for you. We can get you out of here," I said to Louis.
"Just wait. Nutcase."
"Why won't you accept my help?"
Louis started laughing nervously. Or at least it seemed that way. Perhaps a sly laugh too. Had Louis killed someone? "It's not a corpse. That can't be. You wouldn't be stupid enough to use their ID. You're smarter than that. So it must be something stolen. Haven't you found that button yet?"
Suddenly, we heard a click. Louis had found the button. Somewhere, I didn't want to know. Shouldn't I just trust Louis? Wasn't that the whole point of friendship?
Finally, the moment had arrived. I placed my right hand in the slot of the rear hatch. Something in me doubted. Still. I still doubted. Louis looked dead serious. "You wanted to know, didn't you? Then you also have to be man enough to accept it." Louis was clearly not joking. Or was he acting again? "Pussy," Louis said. I looked away. "You're afraid of what's inside, huh? You're afraid of the real Louis." He began to laugh manically. "Open that thing, man. Nutcase!"
I started laughing too. Why did I make such a big deal out of it? Sweat broke out from every pore in my body. It was even a bit damp in the no man's land between my scrotum and my anus. A tropical climate. It had been quite an adventure the whole evening. I took my hand off the rear hatch and first gave Louis a hug. Not some half-hearted birthday wish. No, a real hug.
"It's okay, buddy," Louis said to me. I had no idea what he meant by that. It fit the moment though.
It was really time now. I opened the rear hatch.
"Where is it?"
"In front of you," said Louis.
"In some secret compartment?"
There was nothing in the trunk. Absolutely nothing. An empty trunk. For an empty evening, in an empty Berlin, with an empty group of guys. I didn't get it.
"You won, man," I whispered. "You finally fucking done did it."
I couldn't believe my eyes. Empty? There was still nothing in the car. Louis just stood there. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I had felt every emotion this evening. Seen every color and smelled every scent. I was done. My body was ready. No longer needed. My mission was complete.
"But why did you do this?" I asked Louis, laughing.
He scratched his chin. It felt like the end of a bad movie.
"I sold our Playstation. Wanted to tell you only after I had sorted everything out again. I terminated my lease. Had some debts, and I also wanted to have some money for once. Once not empty-handed in the club. Once not dependent on my best friends. This is not who I am... I know how much that Playstation meant to you. It was ours together. I should have just told you."
"… and how does Gurb actually make his money?"

Tattoos and permanent piercings have been a part of various cultures for centuries. While these forms of body art have been widely accepted and celebrated in many parts of the world, they have had a complicated relationship with society in India.
For a long time, tattoos and piercings were seen as taboo in India, associated with certain subcultures or considered to be something that only criminals or rebels would do. However, attitudes towards body art have been gradually changing in recent years, with many young people now embracing these forms of self-expression.
One reason for this shift in attitudes is the influence of Western culture. As globalization has taken hold, Indian society has become more open to different cultural practices and ideas. This has led to an increase in the popularity of tattoos and piercings among younger generations, who view them as a way to express themselves and differentiate themselves from the mainstream.
Another factor contributing to the changing attitudes towards body art in India is the rise of social media. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok have given people a new platform to showcase their tattoos and piercings and share their experiences with others. This has helped to normalize these forms of self-expression and reduce the stigma around them.
In addition, there has been a growing awareness of the safety and hygiene aspects of tattoos and piercings in India. With more and more people getting tattoos and piercings, there has been a corresponding increase in the number of tattoo and piercing studios across the country. These studios are required to adhere to strict health and safety guidelines, which has helped to reduce the risks associated with getting a tattoo or piercing.
Despite these positive developments, there are still some challenges that need to be addressed in order to fully embrace tattoos and piercings in Indian society. One of these is the perception of tattoos and piercings as something that only certain groups of people do. This can create a sense of exclusion for those who don't fit into these groups, and limit the diversity of body art in India.
Another challenge is the lack of legal protections for tattoo and piercing artists. In many parts of India, there are no specific laws governing these practices, which can make it difficult for artists to operate safely and legally.
Overall, it is clear that attitudes towards tattoos and piercings are changing in India. While there are still some challenges that need to be addressed, the growing acceptance of these forms of self-expression is a positive development that should be celebrated. As more and more people embrace tattoos and piercings as a way to express themselves, we can expect to see even more diversity and creativity in Indian body art.
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