Ways to say morning sunshine

Hello everyone! I'm writing here to get some advice and new perspectives. I should start by saying that the situation I'm about to describe is something I've been addressing in therapy for a few weeks, after changing my psychologist because I no longer felt comfortable with the approach of my previous therapist. So, it might just be a matter of time before things improve, but I'm eager to feel better and, right now, I don't see how that's possible. I'm a bit discouraged.
As I mentioned in the title, I 22F constantly feel inadequate, which has completely shattered my self-esteem in any environment I frequent, since about October. The situation is becoming unbearable for me. There's not a day that goes by where I don't cry and hear a voice in my head filled with extremely negative thoughts about myself (I should note that my previous psychologist made me take a test, i dont remember the name, which revealed high levels of OCD and depression parameters, though I'm not sure if this counts as a diagnosis (?)).
October was a significant month: I started my final year of bachelor and I moved in with my girlfriend, 26F. I think these two changes, along with other reasons, have made me feel increasingly worthless. I'm writing my thesis very slowly because I have one last very difficult exam that requires me to learn a new language, so I'm anxious about not graduating in September or, at worst, November, which would mean not being able to enroll in the master's program on time (i live in italy so maybe the terms for the application are different from the country you're reading). This, in turn, makes me less productive, and I end up spending my days in bed or at the kitchen table unproductively, which only makes me feel worse. This situation also makes me anxious about the age difference between my girlfriend and me: she’s 26, and I'm 22. She works, has a salary, is productive, outgoing, likes going out, being around people, and is self-ironic. I used to be more like her, but now I'm shutting down: I don't have the energy to go out in the evening, it takes me hours to take a shower, any joke directed at me somehow hurts me, it touches on my insecurities, I can't express my ideas, and every social interaction worries me. I overthink everything I should say and can no longer laugh.
This daily comparison with my girlfriend has made living together feel like something I don't deserve: I'm still studying, I bring much less money home, and if I graduate next year, it feels like our actual age difference would be six years instead of four (she also started school a year early, so it's as if there’s a five-year gap, not just four between us). I know she's "waiting" for me in some way: she's waiting for me to finish my master degree and start working so we can move to a bigger house and think more about our future together.
Let me be clear: I'm not afraid of this situation, i'm not afraid of a future together which i feel ready and which I wholeheartedly desire, but I feel behind. She invites me to parties with her colleagues, and I feel out of place when they talk about work and "adult" things, and I don’t know how to interact, i feel inadequate. She comes home, talks about her relationships and concerns, and I feel I can't be a shoulder to lean on. I never know what "adult" conversations I can have to help her or appear to be on the same level as her. It always seems like she takes care of me, especially during this very dark period, and that I do nothing but manage the household. I don’t feel legitimate, if that makes sense, it’s like her "stairstep" allows her to see a part of the landscape that I can't see from my lower position, so when she talks to me about what she sees, I can't respond. This has led me to hide my small failures from her, like an exam that didn't go well, whereas I see my friends who have no problem sharing these things with their partners.
Now these struggles are spreading to my relationships with my friends as well. I can't stay calm even when talking to them, and I find hard to talk about my issues because I'm afraid of being a burden. The idea of graduating a year later than them makes me anxious and feel like a failure. When they talk about their problems, I feel anxious about providing them with good support, trying to offer intelligent suggestions to help them.
Of course, I’ve talked to my girlfriend about all this, and she has given me all the reassurances I needed: she doesn’t see me at all as I see myself, she admires me for many things, holds me in high esteem, is aware that I’m still a student and that it’s right for me to live like a student, that she wants a future with me and not with someone who is "socially and economically more appealing" (as I put it), that she loves me very much and will stand by me during this dark period. Every day she showers me with attention and care, welcomes me when I feel the need to be with her, and reminds me that when she goes out, it doesn't mean she doesn't want to be with me or doesn't like me, but that she also needs her space. I used to be more social myself, but now being alone is becoming more complicated because a thousand demeaning thoughts start bombarding me.
But last night we found out together that I passed the first part of my last exam, but i started crying because the grade wasn't that high and I felt shame in front of her for that. She shut down because she was hoping with all her heart that passing that exam would have brought a bit of positivity after weeks of strugglenesses, so she wasn't expecting my reaction after finding out I passed the exam. I feel like she's losing any hope about us
I see no way out. I feel like I’ll feel this way for the rest of my life, even when I''l have a job and will be on that "stairstep." I no longer know how to have more self-esteem, even though I have many reasons to think of myself as a person of value: I’ve overcome far more complex and painful situations that I thought, once conquered, would give me immense strength. Yet here I am: feeling like crap every day.
Sorry for this extremely long and probably very confusing wall of text, I hope it makes some sense.
Is there a way to regain the self-esteem I had until last year? Is it really possible to change the "mental paths" we take every day in our head? Has anyone experienced something similar and come out of it?
My new psychologist is extremely competent and great at making me exclaim, "Oh my God, I hadn't thought of that!" every time, but I'm afraid it’s not enough. I don't know, I just really want to feel better as soon as possible and maybe just need to hear some hope after 7 months of feeling like I’m sinking deeper and deeper.

TLDR: a close friend and I are taking a class together where you basically j do a group project for a semester, its highly encouraged to have your groups figured out at least somewhat before the class starts. I was going to work w her and a few of her friends but 2 weeks before the class started her friends said I couldn’t be in the group because they needed someone with a different major and had apparently never agreed to me in the first place(some miscommunication btwn her and them). I found a new group in time but I’m still hurt, and not really sure how to address it, or if I even should.
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So essentially, I(21NB) and my friend (21F) (who I’m p sure is also autistic) are in college together. We’ve been friends 3 years now, and were roommates in freshman year. We are part of a small, tight knit friend group that lives together, and the two of us are especially close I thought, as she is one of the people I have probably opened up with and been vulnerable with the most jn my life other than like 2 other people.
We are in the same major(unlike rest of the group) and for our major there is kind of a final project class where you work with a group and just make something for a semester.
I wanted to work with her, because I thought it would be fun, and I don’t remember much of how the convos went because I wasn’t over analyzing it because friends, but she had 2 friends she wanted to work with, and since you can have 6 people in a group there was space for me to join too.
I had another friend ask me to work with them, and I asked her if they could join, and she said there was no space because her friends had people they wanted to work with as well and they wanted people with different majors on the project, so I told the other friend no.
This was the state for about a month, until about 2 weeks before the class started, when she said her group mates had talked and told her they needed to find another person of a different major, and when she asked about me(because we wouldn’t have space for me and another new person), they said they had never agreed to me joining in the first place (she had asked them in the beginning and thought they had said yes and then never confirmed anything with them when I confirmed I would be joining). This was a problem, because we were supposed to have groups figured out prior to starting the class, and I hadn’t been looking because I figured I already had my group.
I was obviously upset, and tried to go cry in my room lol but when I went to leave she asked to hug and then I broke and she like tried to help but I couldn’t rly explain that I felt hurt because of her so idk what I even said.
When she saw I was like really upset, she was like I can convince them to let you join again like I can fix it and I was like no I don’t want to force myself on ppl who don’t want me (ie: her) and I did eventually manage to finagle another group.
The problem is, I still feel really hurt about this, and I don’t know how to address it with her, or if I even should.
I originally was just mentally trying to drop it(I was hurt she didn’t want to leave to work with me but whatever), but when I told my parents they got really mad at her(they already didn’t like her tho but this felt different than that), so I feel like maybe it is actually a big deal and like a not great thing to do? Logically I get why she did it, a set group with people who will do work vs one person, but I just really don’t understand because I would never do that to someone I was close friends with? Someone I wasn’t that close to maybe, but if I was really close with someone I wouldn’t leave them in the lurch like that, ever, so I guess I’m just questioning our friendship and if she actually cares or I’ve been misreading it? Or if I need to take a step back? (The ppl she is in a group w was one friend she hangs out with outside of studying maybe a couple times a semester, and someone else she has said she doesn’t consider a friend they just work well on projects together, so I’m like do I mean less to you than that?(I know it’s not that, they’ve j done projects together before that worked well, but that’s what it feels like lol))
I know it’s probably because we were raised very differently, I was raised to feel like I needed to have friends, and also to be loyal to your friends because it’s the right thing to do even if it’s not what you might want to do in the moment, but she was raised in a more individualistic style where you focus on yourself and friends are there when you need them but like the focus is on you and what’s best for you. There’s nothing wrong w that obvi, but because I wouldn’t have approached this situation the way she did (I would have left the group with friend, or tried harder to get my other friends to see the situation since I had committed already, or at least taken some time to think about it myself or talk it over with someone to figure out what to do about it).
So essentially, should I talk to her about it, and if so, what do I even say? I don’t want to j make her feel bad, she j approaches it differently it’s not wrong, but like it hurt me idk
(My parents have also said it seems like she didn’t want to work with me at all the whole time she just was like whatever because I was asking a lot, because I think I had to ask her first and like she didn’t join the same section as me for the class she waited for her friends sections first, and I can’t remember whether she invited me or I asked, etc. I assumed she wanted to work with me because she had been really enthusiastic about it freshman year, but I guess things change, which is totally fine I just wish she would have told me if that was the case, rather than going along with it and then dropping me at the last minute, but it’s not like I can ask her did you actually want to work w me or was it j bcuz I kept asking because the situations over now so she’d prob j say she did regardless).
(Something I’m quite worried about is that, I probably missed these big cues about she didn’t actually want to work with me the whole time, so what else have I been missing in our friendship? I talked to one of my other friends(her gf) about it in vague terms and she said original friend does consider me a close friend and is v picky about her friends lol so I think I’m prob good on still friends point but the situation still kinda hurt me and I don’t understand it.)

As the title say I want to know the best ways to do market research for e-commerce business in pakistan.

I (22f) have been with my boyfriend (22m) for close to 9 months now. I thought our relationship was great and we were fine but recently we keep arguing about money. He says money is important in a relationship and without money a relationship can’t work I heavily disagree as whilst money in a relationship is important it doesn’t mean a relationship isn’t successful. When we do have these arguments I’m met with the silent treatment and it infuriates me because I don’t want us going to bed angry but we have done sometimes. We’ve been wanting to move in together, I admit I’m no good at saving, he is however it’s rather hard for me to save up as I have a lot of bills to pay and was left in debt by my ex who I’m no longer in contact with due to authorities being involved now as I called them about him. My boyfriend is very good at saving however he works full time I’m still in education and only work part time so it’s hard for me to save. Yesterday we had a big argument and he told me to go back to my ex as he thinks I pick the easiest option which isn’t true, it really stung and he played it off as a joke, he is aware of what my ex did to me as well as my family. This morning he left for work and was cold and distant and it’s left me thinking if he even does love me if he can treat me like this? I’m completely at a loss do I keep fighting for this relationship because I do love him but I’m so sick of him thinking our relationship is only going to survive because of money. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

I have dreams that end up coming true, I also have dreams of past experiences. Ofc I have no way of knowing if those were real, but seeing as how I can see the future sometimes, why not the past as well?
I had a dream once that I was in a black void, with a spotlight on me. It felt like I had just died. A disembodied voice told me that I would have to come back and live another human life for 70 years if I wanted to be reunited with someone I love. I really didn't want to come back. I felt like they had told me this before.. like they had told me to come to another life and then I would be reunited with this being I love.. and they just keep saying that life after life and I keep accepting just so I can be with them someday.
I hope I won't fall for it again but with my luck who knows.

Im 15 and I only wear mascara but I’ve REAAALLY wanted to actually do more but I feel like it’s a bit embarrassing cause it’s so like.. late? Idk man literally everyone I know have been doing it for ages and I feel like I’m missing out on a lot. Also it feels like I’m a pick me cause I always see those videos about them saying “I don’t wear makeup I only need mascara” and I DONT want to be that person 😪😭 Also it feels too embarrassing asking someone BECAUSE I wanna get into it so late. anyways y’all give me some ways I can start.. and as cheap as possible thank you guys ily🔥🙏

Chapter 1: the event
It was the fall of my intern year as I bean my off service trauma rotation. This month was ubiquitously notorious for being the most labor intrusive and least productive rotaion of our emergency medicine program. Knowing this I entered with the intention of simply surviving the month.
Another intern and I let’s call them A for sake of ambiguity, we’re the first emergency medicine residents to roste on the trauma services that year. A shaky start would be an understatement. In the words of chance the raper “like my grama with the Parkinson’s playing operation.” Would better describe it. Medically we did well. We were very competent and completed our work daily, but communication and coordination was non existent. Our Cheifs had informed us that Tuesday was our day of and the Trauma cheif residents had minimum communication with us, or our Cheifs as it seams when A and I did not report on Tuesday they sternly made their dissatisfaction known.
I have struggled with insomnia sense the age of 10. Had 2 sleep studies by this point in my life and been prescribed nearly every sleeping aid on the market. The 80-94 hr work weeks of our trauma rotaion only worsened my insomnia. My lack of sleep likely contributed to a less than prime adaptive immune system and 2 days out of my trauma rotaion I contracted strep like symptoms with associated nausea, requiring me to call for a sick day the next day. No the first day that I felt too ill to work. I was not fully aware of the reporting process. I reported to my Chiefs, but I did not believe I could come to work tomorrow with amble time and notice, however I was somewhat delayed in letting their Cheifs know, because the surgical chiefs rotated every few days and I did not know who my was going to be the next day. The second day which I had to call out sick I was able to locate the cheif for the next day and reprot according to our university’s protocol, which requires that if a resident feels they are not fit for work they must not come in and the university must have staff coverage without any fear or implementation of punitive actions.
I had finally survived to the last week of my trauma rotaion and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. What I could not see was the pile of stress, shitty diet, lack of mental well ness and sleep deprivation which I was pushing down to reach the light. By this time I had seen a psychiatrist regularly for sleep medication. I had mentioned to him that I had been experiencing more stressed lately and feel that I might be depressed. he reassured me that it was likely only due to my circumstances, given the difficulty of the trauma rotation and wish to reassess once the rotation was over. Looking back I had to fill the habit of drinking more than I usually do. My only on nights before I have days off became 1-2 beers every other night. All of this repressed unhealthy shit finally pushed bad on September 23rd. That night I was at work even later than usual, I stayed up later than usual and couldn’t seem to fall asleep. With the stress of only having minimal sleep and knowing I only had 2 more days of trauma left, I took an extra dose of my sleeping medication.
I opened my eyes to the fighting sight of sun beaming in my window and I instantly knew I was late. (Sense I hadn’t seen the sun in a month) . Due to my need for scrupulous sleep hygiene I have been sleeping with my phone of and away for me. I rushed to grab it and watched as the little Apple logo seamed to glow on the screen for an eternity. Then in conjunction with its fading I saw 3 missed calls from my director, a text from college A and 2 missed calls from the surgical director. Still, I was able to calm myself, knowing that resident A had been late to this rotation by a few hours 2 other days and nothing came of it. I called my director back and he asked me to report to his office where I was greeted by my director, my coordinator and another emergency medicine facility.
With the only explanation of: “we just want you to get better”, I was handed a letter, to my relief it did not entail my termination, but a declaration of administrative leave and a requirement to undergo an evaluation at a well known university in Florida.
Lake any other savvy millennial, I did my research. By research I mean numerous google searches and screeches thru the depts of redit. To my dismay I discovered that in order for a residency program to fire you, they must first initiate an administrative suspension. I would soon find out however, being terminated would have been a delightful outcome compared to what ensued.
I spend the next few weeks in the wallos of regret and depression. I indulged in higher qualities of alchohol then I ever have before. I all but ceased communing with peers, and abruptly stoped any physical activity I had once enjoyed. Frightened as I was I was ensured, it will be ok “we just want you to get better”
Chapter 2 The evaluation : guilty until proven innocent I did exactly as instructed and scheduled an evaluation, I supposed that this was either a mental evaluation to assess if I’m fit for work with plans of termination or it actually was an evaluation to better treat my insomnia. To this day I regret my ignorance, and wish I had researched the process more. The Hindi / sand-skrt idea of Hamsa 🪬 is that in order to do any good you must have full knowledge or else good intentions can result in harm. I truely believe my director had good intentions, however but him and I did not have full knowledge of the nature of this evaluation.
Looking back see how easily I could have avoided my troubles by asserting legal aid at this point or even by researching this evaluation process more in depth. If one searches impaired practitioner program which I now know this evaluator works for, the search entire will populate 5 or 6 layferms along side their home website and there is a valid reason for this.
If one every finds themself in this process I employ you to bring a DSM to your evaluation or at least be familiar with the most common use disorders in the DSM-5, because your evaluation will turn into a dance of questions where the evaluator attempts to trap you in a round about way to stating something that may qualify for one of the diagnosis. I have provided an image from the DSM-5 below outlining AUD, which the evaluator concluded that I had the most severe from:
Image
Example***** Here are 10 examples of how he fraudulently assessed me taken directly from his assessment note.

1. Evaluator: Have you ever stoped drinking in the last year.

Me: yes I stoped every week day, I was only drinking on the weekends, until two weeks ago.
-Evaluator uses stoping and starting every week to qualify for 2 or more unsuccessful attempts to stop in the last year “There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.”

1. Evaluator Have you ever had withdrawal symptoms

Me no
Evaluator Well Have you ever had a hangover? You know that’s a from of acute withdrawal
Me: yes in college, I had a few but that was years ago and I’m pretty sure the pathophysiology is different.
Evaluator uses this to count for withdrawal symptoms even tho is was more than a year ago

1. Evaluator: Have you even taken your sleeping medication on a day or night which you drank? Me: Yes, I took my prescriptions are prescribed but I never drank close to bed

Evaluator: qualified this as dangerous behavior with alcohol (where the DSM gives examples such as unprotected sex and drunk driving). The sleeping medication I was on is not a benzodiazepine therefore it is not deadly with alcohol. I personally have seen many patients in the ED who have taken their entire bottle of the medication and drank copious amounts, we just monitor them over night and rehydrate them

1. Evaluator Has anyone told you you drink to much or been worried about you Me: No I drink much less than my friends

Evaluator what about your girlfriend? Me: well she actually doesn’t drink at all she doesn’t like it. She often buys me beer for The Weeknd’s tho. One time we went to a movie and she got a little irritated because I waited for beer then complained about them not having any craft beer. So she said, “you couldn’t have just said no” and drank something else. However, she apologized after and said it’s worth waiting if it’s my only day off.
Evaluator said this qualifies for continued drinking despite causing significant relation consequences, ie divorce.

1. Evaluator : you have sleep issues I hear, and your chart says you’ve had depression in the past, don’t you know that alcohol can effect your sleep and mood Me: yes that’s why I never drink within 3 hours of sleep.

Evaluator but you knew this and still drank
Evaluator: qualifies for drinking despite unwanted physical or psychological effects (this should be recurring to effects the alcohol is causing, I have had insomnia sense the age of 10 long before I took my first sip)
7 evaluator you were late for work and told my you had a drink the day before
Me: Yes but I was late because I didn’t sleep and took double my sleeping meds, I will never do that again
Qualifies for 2 significant work or school issues in the past year ( a therapist and other psychologist ensured me that being late on or a few days doesn’t count they typically are getting fired or failing) ( moreover, this would assume I was late do to drinking it’s self and also assume if happened more than once)

1. • Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended

He never once asked anything related to this question yet said I qualified in his final report 9. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects. The evaluators logic here was sense I was late for work and I had 2 beers the day before I must be taking long to recover from it (this is assuming I missed due to alcohol)

1. Tolerance drinking more to require the same effect: this he checked as true in his final note however it was never even discussed in our evaluation. I did mention to him that I’ve been drinking more than I had earlier in the year frequency wise, but they said nothing to do with quantity or needing more.
   
2. Wanting to drink so bad you can not think of anything else: this is the only qualification of SAUD my evaluator said I did not have.
   

Moreover, without legal help I was not aware that I could obtain a second evaluation or even oppose going to get evaluated at all, but that wouldn’t have mattered seeing I still thought this was for my health and wellbeing as seen when I was asked why do you think you are here to today, to which I replayed “so that I can be evaluated to see what is needed to get back to work”.
To maks the ordeal more infuriating the evaluator continues to ingratiate himself and lie through the process telling you, “it will be fine as long as you are 100% honest”, “anything you say in here is between you and me” or “you slipped up once with your meds, I know your residnecy program they will probably just want a few more out patient tests”
Two weeks later I received a phone call right before I left for an out of state vacation to visit my nice for her birthday. During the call I was informed that I would be required to complete a partial hospitalization program (PHP) lasting “6-10 weeks” which would coast from 15-50 grand not including doctor visits or housing which is billed separately. I suppressed this inconvenience, enjoyed my vocation and reported when I returned, knowing that I must complete this soon so I may return to work with due to the fact that my payed time off would soon be diminished. At this time I had not yet heard of the organization PRN.
Chapter 3 Guilty till proven innocent: The diagnosis
Shell shocked I arrived to a in patient psychiatric unit and was rapidly cleared to progress to treatment without detoxification. During my 90 day of forced rehabilitation I met a few other individuals who were unjustly and fraudulently forced into treatment. I began to look up to one of these such members of the men’s community, who I will refer to as patient X for ambiguity sake.
Unlike me patient X did have alcohol use disorder. He spent many clinic days drinking to avoid alcoholic withdraws. The curious component of his story is that he admitted his depravity, saught help and through his own journey became sober. The bodies at be, namely his local physician, Health monitoring program, rejected his personal path to sobriety and forced him to undergo 90 days of in patient treatment before he could practice medicine again. When he checked in to rehab he had been sober for over a year.
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As for me I spend many sleepless nights pondering how consuming a legal substance in a moderate amount could throw me into significant legal financial issues. My labs my toxicology, my story and my collateral from colleagues from colleagues all indicated light to moderate alcohol use but my evaluators word stood as the word of God.
More frightening was the director of this rehabs acknowledgment of this. The director who happens to also coincidentally be the evaluator, stated to me as well as to staff on multiple occasions: “ I suggest inpatient treatment for everyone who is reported”. “This is safer for me not to miss anyone who could harm patients, and I figure there must be a reason someone reported them.”
I am still elucidating the reason why I was determined guilty and proven innocent, however I can say from my 90 day stent that the majority of the patients at this rehab needed to be there. This program is saving lives of both providers and patients, however it is destroying the lives of those wrongfully accused.
Chapter 4 your lisense rehab or jail : Upon arivil I was sent to a detox hospital underwent a medical examination and was “one of the lucky ones” who required no detoxification and could report directly to PHP. Like everyone else, I spent 90 days in a PHP, being as 6-10 weeks is simply a lie they tell patients to decrease the change of resisting the treatment. When discussing the topic one therapist sated “if we told patients 90 days they would never come.” She then attempted to justify the treatment by outlining the story of a patient she had called who “didn’t make it to treatment” and killed themselves”. It is my belief that it is not the lack of PHP which impelled such professionals to take their life, but them realizing that they now will be obliged to undergo 90 days of PHP, 5 years of PRN monitoring with a loss of autonomy and hundreds of thousands of dollars taken from them that induced their hopelessness. For even if these professionals were truly mentally unstable in their addictions, in every case it was only following a phone call where they were informed they must undergo treatment that they took their life’s. By this time I still haven’t the slightest clue what PRN was.
Despite the security these programs provide for many my 6 main issues with them can be summarized in : 1. Kick backs: evaluators are directors of treatment clinics 2. The reported are guilty till proven innocent 3. The price, the overflow of money these places drag in from both patients and state universities is appalling, they charge separately for every visit and test 4. Although they make the claim that they are individualized, they are anything but. Every patient gets the same stay and treatment from the doctor drunk on the job and the one who was late to a shift 5. They force voluntary treatment. remember that friendly evaluator who promised he had your best interest at heart, so you opened up and told him everything about your substance use/ developmental / family history, well if you don’t stay for 90 days he will be “normally obliged” to tip the board of medical off to you.

1. The programs have overstepped their intended jurisdiction. -these programs work well if they function how they were intended at their inception. Cite original purpose. Originally these programs were designed to protect physicians and civilians from impaired practitioners; being healthcare workers who were impaired at work. Over the years, these organizations have extended their authority to encompass individuals with substance use disorders When not at work and also those who are in training to become healthcare professionals. Take for example myself compared to a physician who is impaired at work. A doctor who arrived for duty under the influence would surely benifit from the extensive testing, therapy and accountability enforced via these programs. In accordance the 20,000$ per year cost is appropriate when only making up roughly 7% of their yearly salary vs nearly half of a residents. In my case with my loss of income from employment, coast of treatment and monitoring, this year I will be required to pay 20,000$ to work. Yes, I will be losing money to work. Even if did indeed have a substance use disorder this level of monitoring wouldn’t not be considered appropriate.

Dispite all of the miscomings of this System My time spend in PHP was indeed helpful, as I believe it would be for anyone. Time for exercise, a reprieve from work and weekly counseling. A sample structure of my day to day schedule is provided below for insight:
Structure The general structure of these rehabitation centers is as follows: 1. One week of orientation phase, where you are not allowed in electronics or contact with the outside world world. Therefore, if you’re going, bring some things you would like to read or study. 2. In phase 2, you can use your phone however you cannot leave campus. You must stay in the dorm on campus. These shitty 1 room run down apartments with two other roommates will cost you about $1000 a week, they are required for at least four weeks and they are billed separately, no insurance will help you out here. 3. In phase 3 you can commute to campus if you beg your therapist and live very close. Whether you’re on campus or living off-campus, you are allowed to leave up to four hours per day. If you commute, you’ll be required to take a sober link decide you must Breath, alcohol test into every 6 hours. Like everything else in this program you must pay for this separately, a few hundred dollars a week. You advanced to other phases by completing assignments, however, assignments are limited by required built-in time, intrusive, scheduling, and reviewing. Therefore, if you do everything as rapidly as possible phase 1 will take one week phase 2 will take three weeks.
Every day schedule:
7:30: wake up, report to the front desk to inform them that you haven’t ran away yet and take and prescribed medications. They keep all your medications and require that you report to take them; for me this was antidepressants in an attempt to dispel the depression I contracted from being forced into treatment and whatever off label medication they were attempting to treat my ADHD with, since control medications were forbidden.
8 am: community group assessments This consisted of other patients presenting their assignments amongst the large group, on the weekends this was often an hour later and 12 study regularly took the place of assignment presentation.
10 am: process group. This was a two hour group therapy session with 6 to 12 other professionals in a therapist and training or occasionally a licensed mental health therapist.
1 pm: recreation This was generally about an hour of some sober themed craft or activity. Once a week this time slot was used for yoga.
2 pm: this was another time slot used for patients to present assignments as well as for individual therapy sessions. Each patient had one individual therapy session lasting 30 minutes per week.
3pm: This was time allotted to work on assignments or go to the gym on your sex specific scheduled gym day.
5pm: this time was used for guest speakers or another 12 step study group.
6 pm : this was generally an off-campus 12 step group
10 pm: report to the front desk and let them know you still haven’t ran away and take and Medication which are prescribed to take at night, then return to your cot bed in your room with 1-2 other roommates.
I found the community to be one of the most beneficial aspects of the PHP program. I was in a cohort of chill ass professionals of the same occupation who were always there to help each other.
Assignments The curriculum of the PHP consisted of assignment based on every step of the 12th step program. Generally, a patient would be required to complete an assignment on their own, review it with other patients, then faculty and finally present the assignment in front of the whole treatment group. You’re only given one assignment at a time and there are multiple steps to each which all requires scheduling this ensures that no matter how determined a patient is a full 90 days of treatment is required to complete all the assignments.
AA structure -the obsolete nature of AA has been verified in numbers studies, but I will refrain from divulging here and lend that endeavor to Dr. Lance Dodes very thorough discussion on the subject,in “the sober truth “
In all sincerity, if I truely did have a severe use disorder this experience could have been life saving. I only wish I could have used my 50 grand for someone who has spent their life time In addictive without reprieve. My first conversation when I was given my phone back was how I wish my father could be able to attend this PHP.
Chapter 5 reporting and PRN Self reporting What they ask you What you should tell them
There’s a third-party agency called professional resource network. Every state has their own. This agency works as a liaison between you and whatever credentialing service your occupation requires. Essentially they ensure your monitoring after treatment. Stake governments and licensing boards trust them, mainly because they monitor with the highest level of intrusiveness. This alleviates much work for state governments and licensing boards because once an individual is being monitored by a professional resource network, then they are deemed appropriate for duty and no further investigation/litigation needs to occur, as long as the monitored individual completely complies.
Because I was never impaired at work I was never reported to this agency. The general workflow of things someone would report you to professional resource network, then the resource network would contact you, and then you would be required to report for an evaluation at a treatment center, which would inevitably result in a suggestion I’ve treatment at that given treatment center. In my case I was sent to the treatment center without PRN being involved. Thus, two weeks into treatment. I was notified by my therapist that I needed to call PRN and self report. I attempted to resistance given that I did not have a problem and was not individually seeking help. I asked what happened if I didn’t self report. I was told that in order to stay in the treatment program I had to report to PRN. This meant either I report to PRN or I get kicked out of the treatment program and lose my job.
When you report to PRN they will ask you why you are in treatment. They will then list off every substance imaginable, asking you if you have ever tried the substance and when your last use was. Ultimately, they will obtain your discharge information from your treatment center, so it is in your best interest to report only what was found in your biochemical testing. If it wasn’t in your hair, I would argue that you don’t have a use disorder regarding that substance and it’s not relevant. I don’t believe it’s important for them to know that you smoked weed when you were 12.
Chapter 6 The contract:
Before being discharged from a treatment facility, a professional resource network will have you sign a contract. A little known fact which I was oblivious to is that contracts can be negotiated. Though this isn’t it possible, it is highly improbable that you can negotiate your contract since PRN has a power to delay your clearance to return to work.
Contractor almost never personalized, and I have not heard of a contract which is not a five-year agreement. You will sign releases of information so that PRN has access to all of your information which was gathered at the treatment facility. You must have a therapist, psychiatrist, primary care, doctor, and a addiction, medicine psychiatrist. You assign releases of information for all of them. You will be required To commit to: 1. three mutual aid meetings a week which you must log. I log smart recovery meetings. 2. Weekly therapy sessions with an approved mental health therapist from their list 3. Monthly doctors appointments with an addiction medicine psychiatrist 4. Yearly appointments with a primary care physician 5. Monthly appointments with a psychiatrist 6. Daily check-ins on a random drug testing app ( you will agree to weekly urine tests, a peth test 4 times a year, a hair test twice a year and a little caveat that says anything else they deem, clinically reasonable) 7. Quarterly update reports which you are required to obtain from a workplace monitor, therapist, addiction, medicine, psychiatrist, primary care physician and any other doctor you are seeing. 8. You must upload all of your prescriptions into a mobile application every single time you get them refilled and are not allowed to take them until they are approved. 9. Attendance of a PRN group via zoom. This is a local group you are assigned along with other monitored practitioners. There is a fee of roughly 130$ a month to attend this required group. For me all of these requirements coast around 20,000 a year. If you ever have a positive test even if it is the result of contamination from rubbing alcohol or unintentional ingestion of alcohol/ allergy medication your contract will rest to 5 years from the time of positive test. Once your five year contract is completed, you must ask to be released from monitoring. At that point they will search for any reason to keep you under monitoring. This could be dilute urines, daily check ins or a week where you did not attend mutual aid meetings. Every certification and license which you apply for will likely ask you if you were under a monitoring program/ have been treated for substance use. You must give an explanation and check yes. As far as licensing programs are concerned, if you were under the monitoring of PRN, you are safe, however they group practitioners who have had behavioral issues with practitioners who were diverting drugs from work. Therefore, keep in mind that you will be labeled as a sever addict.
7 Back to work and only work. During treatment your only goal is to return to work, however when you return your experience will be drastically distinct from what you remember. For me, I was now working in isolation. Missing six months of my training meant that no other Resident was on the same rotation as me. My coworkers at all formed friend groups. When I returned I was greeted with much concern for my well being. No one would speak to be about my absence, however everyone knew there is only one reason a resident would leave for 6 months then return. My Accdeemic meetings were consisting of attending telling me “I have a target on my back now” and “ I have to preform even better than others” in the light of my time missed. If this wasn’t alienating enough, the majority of Resident events, sponsored by recruiters and my university revolved around alcohol to which I had to give some excuse to why I can not partake with others. I’m fortunate that I do not have an addiction, because these stressful conditions along with the daunting amount of dead and requirements imposed by PRN are enough to make any addict relapse. While I was at treatment, I was in the dative with Samyr stories a physicians whose addictions got the best of them. Physicians who did not make it to treatment, often taking their own life. These stories were presented as a warning. Your addictions will kill you without our treatment was the message. When, in reality I did not hear one story in which the addiction killed physician. Every physician who didn’t make it to treatment took their life after being told they must report to a treatment facility. Perhaps they knew what this entailed and it was not their addiction or getting caught which caused them to end their lives, but the unmanageable and often unreasonable burden that treatment would put on their lives.
9 How to escape So your fucked your in PRN and should be or you should and now your recovered and want to terminated your contract.

1. You ask to be released early done at 1/2 time ( good luck)
2. You have “good reason” (no one has ever been let out of contract because of this reason, the verbiage is far too vague)
3. You serve all your time and they let you out(maybe, as discussed earlier, they would do everything they can to keep you in your contract as long as your practicing)
4. You can’t practice medicine anymore

10 Layer up butter cup : I cannot emphasize the extent to which legal help is required in this process. You much seek it and seek it early. Lawyers can provide many avenues to you early in the process. Once you have committed to treatment, gone for evaluation or are in a PRN contract , this is very little that you or legal help can do. Spend a few thousand dollars when you are accused and save the 20-30,000 later.
After you have been evaluated if you disagree as I did, then this is the process you must undergo. 1. Hire a occupation, defense, lawyer 2. Prove you don’t have an addiction, this is done by having an alternative evaluator with similar credentials state that either you don’t have an addiction or that PRN’s level of monitoring is not medically appropriate ( this will need to be a multi day neuropsychological evaluation, which will cost about $5000). 3. Your lawyer must draft in writing that the medical level of monitoring is not required such as another medical professional and send this to PRN 4. PRN will tattle on you to the board of medicine. 5. The board of medicine will conduct an investigation. 6. At the end or when they believe they have enough reasonable evidence to the board of medicine will suspend your license or claim, you must comply with the PRN contract to practice. 7. At this time your lawyer will defend you in the state court against the board. This is costly but much less than the coast of a 5 year PRN contract 8. If you win you will likely suggest an alternative level of care such as gonna get therapy every week. If you lose, than you wasted a fuck ton of money and are still bound by your PRN contract.
Overall this entire process has coast me Over all coast:
My finances for this year only including PRN and rent are as follows:
120-200$ every week for testing 480-800/ month
65 every week for therapy 195/month
125 every month for PRN group
About 50-69 every month for 2 doctor apts
So at least 745$/month at the lowest
Treatment at the recovery center coast 20,000 for me out of pocket and
I wasn’t payed for 6 months with no FMLA because I am a first year. At the 1 year mark I will have made 26,000 this year after taxes And payed About 29,000 on PRN alone
Rent is 1,000 so that’s 12,000 a year
Just in rent and PRN alone I will be at 26,000- 41,600 -15,600.
I will be in debt by at least 18,000 at the 1 year mark
Coast of treatment center 20,000 (with insurance) For each year of PRN roughly 20,000 Add that to 6 months of attending salary which was delayed due to my treatment time: at least 150,000 Layer coasts along with other evaluations 25,000 Missing 6 months of residency pay 30,000 Coast of 1 year in monitoring: 245,000 Coast of 5 years 325,000
If my case progress to a trail I will require an extra 20,000 in court coasts
Chapter 11 My secondary eval: Dr sushi After I arrived at my treatment center I challenge my evaluation multiple times. Each and every time I was discharged and often accused of alternate mental health/ substance abuse issues to discourage my advances. I was never given the opportunity to undergo alternative assessment, however PRN guidelines state that you can obtain a second option within 7 days of your first. This is a mute point, however, because you will not receive the results of your evaluation until over a week after it is conducted and the second evaluation must be conducted by another PRN hired evaluator of their choosing. During my stay in rehab I contacted PRN multiple times to attempt another evaluation/ legal help. They warned against both stating they were a “waste of money” and “pointless”.
After completing my treatment with the guidance of many addiction, experienced physicians, mental health counselors and psychiatrists recommendations I sought in a secondary evaluation. I chose a highly qualified professional with over 30 years of experience to conduct an extensive neuo psycho social evaluation of me. One that I was sure would be more extensive than the evaluation I received at treatment and more importantly an unbiased evaluation.
The results from my evaluation not only showed that I did not have a substance abuse problem warranting PRN level monitoring, but also that PRN was falling to allow adequate treatment of other conditions such as my ADHD. My evaluation showed my ADHD was not only untreated by PRNs attempt at using non controlled medication, but also in the top 3% most severe presentations of ADHD. My evaluator went on to explain my results by questioning why my treatment center even mandated I undergo neuro cognitive evaluation. The only neurodiverse findings were my IQ, my dyslexia and my ADHD. However, a neuo cognitive examination can be billed separately by treatment centers, therefore they always recommend one.
Chapter 12 Amongst its greed, intrusive nature and faulty accusations, professional recourse network function highly proficiently at the task they were designed to; protective physicians and patients from physicians who are impaired at work. In this domain they save lives, offer second changes and protect the public. When they act beyond their intended jurisdiction by imposing unnecessary monetary demands on practitionersin training, accuse practitioners without proof or act on behavior exemplified outside of a work setting they unjustly and inappropriately attack the week and innocent.
Proposed reform: As a trainee my universities malpractice insurance covers me for mistakes made at work. If a learner mistakenly harms a patient, then the university stands on their behalf. If the learner does something wrong under a teachers direct guidance, then the teacher is at fault. This makes sense logically as well as pragmatically. The state entrusts large amounts of money to hospital systems and universities to train resident physicians. A portion of this money is allocated to malpractice insurance. This should extend to accused impairment.
Suppose a training university was required to cover rehabilitation and monitoring of a resident of whom they claim is impaired. Alternatively they have the option of firing the trainee. This would reduce the number of innocent trainees being accused of impairment, make the process of rehabilitation more fair and provide a better use for tax payer derived dollars, which hospital systems are given to train residents. The truly impaired could still seek help, less false accusations would be made and with the employers having the ability to fire at the moment of impairment, there would be less chance of impairment at work.

I will try to make my back story short and to the point. There s a question somewhere, thank you to those who male it hrough my rambling.
pulled the whole marrying the high school sweetheart back n 2007 and 11 years later we go separate ways. As far as 'm concerned, I'm done being involved in their life and trying o move on. High school was some years ago and dating seems to be all about swiping left or right (personally this seems dumb and anti-personal). As a disabled vet, my body ook a beating which doesn't allow me to drive making social events and getting around interesting to say the least. I wan o find someone new to spend time with and my retirement on.
Am I stuck swiping left or right as my best bet? This is pointless and typically highlights superficial and materialistic views.
Bars to pick up chicks? Sorry, I don't drink alcohol and that sn't a scene I enjoy.
Croozing for women, can drive and trying to Uber that out could get expensive quickly, not to mention really out there.
Thoughts/Suggestions thanks

Alexey Pertsev, one of the developers of Tornado Cash, was convicted after being arrested in 2022. According to Dutch judges, the developer is guilty of facilitating money laundering through the development of the Tornado Cash software.
Tornado Cash provides the technical capability to hide the act of money laundering, and therefore, in the Court's opinion, Tornado Cash cannot be seen as a mere tool for the user (but isn't that the very definition of a tool?).
This argument is extremely bold, especially considering that in the EU, as well as in the United States, laws are in place specifically designed to exclude any liability for telecommunications and hosting service providers for the content that passes through their platforms.
If it applies to platforms and communication services that HAVE control over the information, it should apply even more so to a service like Tornado Cash, which does NOT have control over the same.
Due to the way Tornado Cash was designed and built, there is no other option — say the judges — but to consider its creators as accomplices in money laundering activities.
It follows, therefore, that if this argument prevails, anyone who develops privacy tools will be guilty of knowingly aiding criminals who use them. At the same time, anyone who chooses to use these tools will be considered a potential criminal.
Keep reading it here.

i don’t have a lot going for me anymore. it’s been 7 months since my gf cheated on me a second time. she’s my ex now as of yesterday because i had an episode and flipped out on her. the one she cheated on me with is best friends w all my old best friends from before everything happened, i pushed everyone away and i’m not as close to them anymore. i can’t get over the pain of it and this week has sucked so much and i want to kill myself more than ever. not trying to self diagnose but i think i have bpd telling from the way i react to things and how overly emotional i get where it starts physically paining me. idk what to do anymore. i tried getting help and i tried trying but it’s like i’ve made zero progress. idk what to do anymore i think this is about it for me. i don’t have a lot of friends left because i self isolated when i got cheated on, i lost everyone and i have no one. a lot of people say it gets better but i’ve been saying that to myself for 6 years and idk how many “it’ll get better”s i have left in me. please help

Hello, as the title says I got scammed by an amazon seller for a PC. It's an iBuyPower pc that looked legit at first glance, it was very cheap (400$) at the time, and it had good reviews so I went ahead and bought it. Its now been 2 days and it says the item has been shipped but I have yet to recieve any tracking information. I went into the sellers reviews, and other customers were complaining it was a scam too. I contacted amazon and they said all I can do is wait until it is delivered because it is technically "shipped". The delivery date is on June 25 (about a month) and I can't wait that long. Is there any other way I can get my money back?

I was using RG35XX to this point but I wanted to change for something horizontal. I play mostly GB and SNES games so RGB30 seemed to be an ideal choice. I have it for a week now and it’s hard to say, but it’s nothing but a disappointment.

1. I barely can charge it. I knew it had some issues with chargers but I had no idea there are such many issues. I checked almost all of my chargers and cables and nothing worked. After a while a discovered that it’s charging with an old 5W Apple charger, so this one brick is mh only way to make it work
   
2. There are huge battery drain issues. I can charge battery to 100%, turn off the device (not sleep, turn off completely) and two days later I have 60%. It’s not reliable at all, what’s the point of having a handheld device that I need to charge every day, even when I’m not using it.
   
3. There are problems with software. I installed latest version of Rocknix and have a lot of bugs. Battery percentage is still an issue, I’m not sure if that’s software or hardware issue, but it shows 0% for most of the time. When I charge it, it goes to the 100%, then after reboot it shows 0% again. Except of that, I can’t connect to my home network for some reason and I have some strange glitches in some games. I tried to install ArkOS but I can’t get past the splash logo screen, I tried many methods of flashing and it just doesn’t work
   
4. D-pad quality is just bad, Anbernic is better. Rest of the buttons are ok but d-pad is just awful
   
5. I tried to get a replacement or refund but Powkiddy seems to ignore all my messages. They’re not replying at all.
   

So yeah, huge disappointment for now. I was so hyped because technically it fits all my needs (form factor, 1:1 screen, yellow color <3) but what I have now is practically useless peace of plastic. I’m waiting for release of RG35XXSP or just buy H and be done with Powkiddy
How’s your experience with this device? Am I just unlucky or reviewers doesn’t care about long term usage, just review and never use again?

Alexey Pertsev, one of the developers of Tornado Cash, was convicted after being arrested in 2022. According to Dutch judges, the developer is guilty of facilitating money laundering through the development of the Tornado Cash software.
Tornado Cash provides the technical capability to hide the act of money laundering, and therefore, in the Court's opinion, Tornado Cash cannot be seen as a mere tool for the user (but isn't that the very definition of a tool?).
This argument is extremely bold, especially considering that in the European Union, as well as in the United States, laws are in place specifically designed to exclude any liability for telecommunications and hosting service providers for the content that passes through their platforms.
If it applies to platforms and communication services that HAVE control over the information, it should apply even more so to a service like Tornado Cash, which does NOT have control over the same.
Due to the way Tornado Cash was designed and built, there is no other option — say the judges — but to consider its creators as accomplices in money laundering activities.
It follows, therefore, that if this argument prevails, anyone who develops privacy tools will be guilty of knowingly aiding criminals who use them. At the same time, anyone who chooses to use these tools will be considered a potential criminal.
More on this week's article here (it's free to read).

I'm 19 F and I plan on going to community college. I didn't go to school consistently until freshman year of high school due to neglect. I only know subtraction and addition. Needless to say I am far behind. I want to persue my education but the only thing that is setting me back from going is math.
What resources and ways can I improve and prepare myself for college level math? I plan on going sometime next year. I'm not sure where to begin honestly.
Any suggestions will help!

I (26) have a trans MtF (24) bestfriend. She and I have been best friends for a couple years now and we share almost everything. I say almost, because I don’t feel too comfortable sharing the biological female issues that I have. I’m not transphobic by any means, I believe I’m just a bit empathetic(?) I don’t want to complain to her about my issues as it’s something she won’t get to experience and I feel as though it’ll come off in the wrong way. We did have a disagreement a couple months back on a trans issue regarding sports, so I thought I knew our views differed. But I digress.
I have been having irregular periods followed by very painful cramps. I have brought this up to my other friend, who is biologically female. I shared to her about my fear of not being able to bear a child due to all the period irregularities and other issues. That friend accidentally sent a reply to our group chat instead of our private one so my best friend saw it and asked why I never brought it up to her. I told her that I didn’t really know how and I didn’t feel too comfortable talking to her about it, she called me an asshole for that and is ignoring my messages now.
Should I have talked to her about this instead? Am I really a transphobic asshole for not confiding in her about this?

Alexey Pertsev, one of the developers of Tornado Cash, was convicted after being arrested in 2022. According to Dutch judges, the developer is guilty of facilitating money laundering through the development of the Tornado Cash software.
Tornado Cash provides the technical capability to hide the act of money laundering, and therefore, in the Court's opinion, Tornado Cash cannot be seen as a mere tool for the user (but isn't that the very definition of a tool?).
This argument is extremely bold, especially considering that in the European Union, as well as in the United States, laws are in place specifically designed to exclude any liability for telecommunications and hosting service providers for the content that passes through their platforms.
If it applies to platforms and communication services that HAVE control over the information, it should apply even more so to a service like Tornado Cash, which does NOT have control over the same.
Due to the way Tornado Cash was designed and built, there is no other option — say the judges — but to consider its creators as accomplices in money laundering activities.
It follows, therefore, that if this argument prevails, anyone who develops privacy tools will be guilty of knowingly aiding criminals who use them. At the same time, anyone who chooses to use these tools will be considered a potential criminal.
More on this week's article here (it's free to read).

I'm currently in Berlin, Germany, and about to be homeless for 2 weeks on the streets. I signed up for a study abroad program from my university, which I just graduated from last semester. I paid the application fee, got picked, paid for my own flight here and back, and then got a scholarship from an alumni couple in the department I got my degree in, and that scholarship paid for the rest of the trip.
I worked my ass off doing research and selling a bunch of my stuff to get the plane tickets because I'm pretty broke. I was excited for this trip because I was accepted into a German university for graduate school and figured I'd get a good introduction to living in Germany, and to be honest, Berlin itself has been great, all the locals I've met have been very nice to me, but my professors and everyone working from my university have been really unprofessional and tricky and now I'm in an unsafe position.** EDIT to add that when I say Friday I mean tomorrow, so I have about 1 day until getting kicked out of the hotel.
Long explanation, skip to the bottom for a TLDR:
Before I even got on a single plane, I found out customer service for my phone carrier and I had a misunderstanding a month ago when I bought my international plan and found out about 3 days in advance that my phone would be a brick here. I told the professor immediately and she said worse case scenario she would help me get a working phone when I landed, since it's kind of needed for basic safety. Just half a day before the first flight, I got bitten by a few deer ticks and said I might also need help scheduling a doctors appointment when I land, because our travel insurance required a working phone number and it was too late for me to make an appointment before my flight. The professor said that was fine and I would be helped with that as well, so I got on the first plane in full confidence.
When I landed, a day passed without either thing being handled, and that was fine by me, but then multiple days passed and the professor kind of just waved it off. I'd started to feel a little unwell and asked the professor to help me find a doctor and she said it was just jetlag.
One of the first days of the program we went to a restaurant, and the seating was a very small reserved room with our entire 20+ cohort in it. I have CPTSD and am claustrophobic and knew immediately that I did not want to sit there, so I asked the professor if she could help me ask the staff request a seat for me in the outside dining area, or, if one wasn't available, that I could just sit outside on a nearby bench and skip dinner. She told me the room was reserved for us and this was on the itinerary so I HAD to sit there, and when I again said I didn't think I could, she demanded I sit there again and condescendingly asked me if I really couldn't or just didn't want to. I started to cry as quietly as possible and then that suddenly made her understand, so we went outside and I explained that, in my opinion, trying to force any adult to do something they're uncomfortable with and have said "No" to is bad enough to me normally, but since I have a disability, it's also ableist. I tried to frame that sentiment in a "I'm sure you didn't mean it this way" kind of way but she still took offence to the criticism and I think that led to the rest of this.
After that happened I was feeling more ill and the professor said, "Oh, do you think it's lyme? Because if it was lyme you'd have a rash. It's probably still jetlag". At this point I said again that I needed some help getting a working phone number and medical advice from a doctor and she told me to take responsibility for myself. I'd bought myself a SIM card but it needed some unexpected trouble shooting and everything was in German (I know some German but only around A2 level and absolutely none is required for this program), so I'd already tried to help myself, and again could not schedule myself an appointment without a working phone.
I asked the professor if she could put her phone number in just to let the appointment scheduling process complete and she said no. I asked if she had any other ideas and she again told me to figure it out. I wound up walking 20 minutes through Berlin alone with no working phone to a doctor's office unannounced, barely able to fill half the sign in sheet and navigate the language barrier, and successfully got the antibiotics I needed and a lyme diagnosis. The nurse even asked why I came alone. Thankfully for me everyone in the doctors office including the doctor was very very nice to me despite the curveball I through them.
Not long after all that the professor sent an email with me cc'd in to the office of international affairs at the university, and the email said, in effect, "This student said they have a disability and can't stick to the itinerary and therefore I think they're not a good fit for this program and should go home." I immediately responded that that wasn't accurate, that I just could not sit inside a restaurant or other very cramped space, etc. Then I figured while I was at it I'd tell them about the total lack of care for my safety or wellbeing here. After sending that email the professor confronted me and tried to pretty much intimidate me into admitting everything was all my fault or something, I honestly have no clue, I think she was just upset and trying to make me feel better somehow. I think my criticism really got to her and made her kind of just hate me and that she wanted to make me make her feelings make sense. No clue honestly.
Anyway, after that the office of international affairs reached back out to me and were acting way nicer than they were when I first enrolled in this program, which felt sus, but I was haggard and miserable and wanted to be able to trust them so I did. They told me if I was considering coming home early for my own health and safety, that I could unenroll that night to make sure the alum who gave me a scholarship would at least be refunded, but that I had to do it that night since it was the last day to drop for a refund. I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to leave the program, and they said if you're considering it unenroll and if you want to stay after further discussion then we can probably just go ahead and re enroll you.
So I did it. The next day I'm scheduled to meet with someone who told me the day or so before that she would be my advocate and that she was there to listen to and represent me, and when I join the zoom meeting, it's her, but also two other people from the international affairs office. They're telling me my return flight has already been scheduled and everything and that they were sending out a person to chaperone me on the flight, because, though it was totally ignored on my flights here, I'd mentioned at the very start of the application process that I'd been a human trafficking victim before and ideally wanted to fly with someone instead of alone. All of this had less than a 24 hour turnaround from me unenrolling.
I realized hours after unenrolling that I don't want to leave the program, I just want to actually be allowed to engage in the program as it was advertised and as it was promised, and that leaving the program, to me, feels like capitulating to the professor being an asshole to me and like removing liability from the university. In short I think I pretty much got tricked into unenrolling. I told them I didn't want to leave early and they told me they already scheduled everything and got a refund for my hotel room, so if I don't take the flight back Friday, I will be homeless on the streets for 2 weeks until the flight that I personally purchased for the 31st, and that since I hit the unenroll button, my housing, health, or safety will no longer be the universities problem after Friday.
So, the fuck do I do with this, ya'll got any advice? I could really use some. Or even just some support haha.
TLDR: Got tricked into hitting unenroll button after damaging professors ego, most likely purposely tricked to absolve the university of responsibility because how the profs were treating me and everything I described probably did make me a liability even if not my fault, but I'm mad and I'm enjoying Berlin and don't want to leave or let the university get away with risking my health and safety multiple times with no apologies.

Honestly I don't know what to do. I'm trying to help her but she says kids at school are bullying her for her being "annoying." She's in Highschool. She's already has autism and it hurts me to see her going through this. I've been bullied the same way like this and ostracized at religious places by the kids and made fun of at daycare. But I don't think I have had it this worse. All three of my siblings have mental conditions including me. My older sister ADHD and PTSD, me ADHD and might have autism which I gotta get it checked, and my little sister ADHD and autism. I feel like my family is cursed. She doesn't deserve any of this treatment at school. I wish I could do more.

Hi, i am 22(F) and this is about me leaving my friend after college. So i met this girl, let's name her shreya, through college friends. However, she left the college in 1st sem itself so i never really knew her well. Fast forward, covid happened and so did lockdown. We started talking online and became really good friends in the meantime. I was really happy to have a friend, I would calle her my bestfriend. But this was only online. Covid decreased and offline classes started again and eventually she decides to continue from our college after lockdown. So we started meeting irl as well. As a gesture isused to pick her up from on the way to college as she didn't have a source (she has a brother who could drop her though). As we started meeting each other more often, her behaviour changed. She would often cut me in conversations, imposing her opinions on me and if i disagree she would start picking on me. She would even try to mock and abuse me in front of people who are nowhere my close friends. At the same time, she would want me to pick her up from home as if her parents had appointed me, I chose to take her along with me to college because I thought this will help her and i would not alone as the college is at distant place. Once it happened that i was waiting for her in the garden of our college so that we can go, I waited for like 30 minutes, however, she came and her brother had come to pick her up she went along with him without informing me. I was calling her multiple times during as i saw her going towards gate, first i thought she went to see puppies over there but no she straightaway went there without even having a brain to atheist inform me. I still waited for her for 10-15 minutes so that she is not left alone in any case. But afterwards she says she went with her brother. Its not a problem to go with your brother but atleast inform me since you order me around to take you college everyday. I got frustrated a bit from this so i decided to keep a little distance from her, i stopped over communicating and talked only when required, started saying no.
Things were going this way, she came into a new relationship that time so she was busy in that so she never noticed my change except for one time. However, One fine event i decided to cut every ties off. Our last sem exams were going on, during that time a guy had approached me, I talked to him a few days, however, I had a doubt as online talking stages dpnt go well for me. So i decided to ask this girl, shreya. I did this because she was herself in an online relationship and perhaps she could help mein the thought that were coming in my mind. I told her about this and she said talk to him more to know about him. I did the same but again, the doubt wasn't going anywhere so I decided to stop talking to him, we (i and that guy) talked about few things where we disagreed and eventually we decided to stop whatever was going on. I told her about this and she said i can only see arrange marriage for you in future, as we had exam after two days, I decided not to extend this conversation and will talk about this once exemas are done (ie two days later) On the exam day, because of all the mishap that happened i had already bottled my head with overthinking and i felt like i could have taken a more mature step to handle all of this. I had decided to have girls talk with that girl, perhaps that could help me a bit. I was also being positive that perhaps this incident could also heal our friendship that i had distanced myself from. Before exam, we were sitting on a bench and she herself started the topic about him, I said I don't want to talk about it right now, but she went all like "Arey mujhe pata tha tera katega, tera kat'ta hi hain" (i knew you would get played, you always get played) and started making fun of me and laughing, and she was I am not sorry for this. I literally felt very bad at that moment, even my voice had cracked up, if it had continued then I might have cried a bit because it was becoming exhausting for me. I felt way to vulnerable at that moment At one side I was looking up to make up with her and get stronger as friends and on the other hand she chose to make fun of the thing i told her not to. Even if she say, it's common in friends to roast each other, I would not like it as roasting your friend about something that makes her feel vulnerable is not right, definitely not for me.
After that day i stopped talking to her, no calls no messages no interaction on social media, avoided her as much as i can. Once she asked me why I distanced myself from her, but she was at my home and I could not say loudly about these things as my family wasn't aware of this event. After that we never talked, sometimes I feel I should tell her why i cut ties with her but then i feel she won't care of it. Was I right?

Hello lovely people,
I recently started a YouTube channel as a way to justify all the bottles I own, figured I would put them to use for something. 15 videos in and almost 150 subs later I can say I'm enjoying the process and plan to keep it up.
I have zero interest in the "fame" or "career" part of this, I already have a full time job I like and I'm too old to care about being popular. I just always liked talking about stuff and like helping people with their decisions (I for one, obsessively research before any purchase, even a toaster).
Anyway, feel free to give your unfiltered opinions, I'm looking to improve and slowly ramp up the quality.
Here the channel: Seldomly Often - YouTube
Thanks!

I hope this is the right place to post this. I’m sorry it is a long read.
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My grandfather (moms side) passed away in 2016. We were on our yearly family beach trip. He went on a morning walk, took a dive, and got stuck in a riptide. It was a very traumatizing event. We haven’t gone a family beach trip since.
I was 17 at the time. Prior to us going on the trip, I was having terrible thoughts and dreams about someone dying. We are Greek, and it is a superstition that if you see an owl during the day, it means death. I saw two owls the days leading up to the trip.
I tried to not think about it. I thought maybe I was subconsciously“looking” for signs of death because of the dreams I was having.
The week after the funeral, my grandfather visited me in my dream. Many, many years ago, he worked on boats and traveling the seas. In my dream, we were on a boat. It was storming hard and the waves were huge. I was crying, and my grandfather was sitting on a chair, enjoying a glass of his favorite whisky. I asked him why was he so calm, and he laughed and told me, “because everything is just fine” and I need to relax.
Recently, I have been going through a hard time with life. A lot has been happening.
My grandfather visited me again. He was driving us up a parking deck in his Tacoma and there were no cars around. He asked me what was going on, and I told him. I asked him how he was doing, he laughed and told me that he is happy and fine, but he isn’t here to talk about me.
He told me that not everything is negative, and I need to stop worrying so much.
We made it to the top of the parking deck, and there was a huge door with a bright light on the other side.
When i went to get out of the truck, there was randomly a wall that wouldn't allow me to open the door. i asked him why i couldn't get out, he chuckled and told me it wasn't my time. He got out of the car and told me to tell everyone he says hi, and that he is just fine. and then i woke up in tears.
I’m not religious. I believe that something is out there, but I am not sure what it is.
But I do believe that my grandfather, wherever he is, watches over me. I believe that he popped in to remind me that not everything has to be so bad.