Pictures of early symptoms of hiv

Can I ask for those of you who had minimal symptoms during pregnancy what were the symptoms you did notice that you suspected you were still pregnant around week 6 mark.
I currently have a terrible head cold and just cannot feel any symptoms any more. I had sensitive breasts and bloating about a week ago but I've not noticed anything since.
I guess I'm just looking for reassurance pregnancy symptoms can come and go in early pregnancy without meaning it's a loss.

Posting from an alt account because not everyone knows I'm pregnant yet.
I'm 9 weeks and this is my second pregnancy. The OB is nothing special but I had no problems and always felt addressed. I also live semi rural and don't have a lot of options.
This year, they keep calling to reschedule appt I made months ago which is whatever stuff happens. The last pregnancy was really easy- I had mild nausea and was given promethazine. I took it once and passed out for 14 hours and threw it in the trash because I missed work.
Anyway, pregnancy 2 is kicking my butt. I am nauseous 24 7 and vomiting occasionally. I went over the severity at my viability ultrasound and that I was on promethazine before with bad side effect (albeit a normal side effect, unfortunately) and said I had missed a few days of work but she dismissed me kind of and told me to try unisom and b6.
I have the same problem with unisom. I take one half hour before bed and wake up groggy/ have trouble waking. I tried to take it during the day and slept all weekend. I no longer do that because I need to be awake during the day. I manage my symptoms with the b6, the night unisom, nausea bands and ginger everything. It helps but not 100%
Anyway had another appt with a nurse today, went over the nausea again. Missed the equivalent of 3 work days deapite my best tries for nausea and am seeking fmla so i dont get fired. She said ya just bring fmla paperwork and we will pass it to the dr
10 min after I drop it off I get a call from the person that processes the papers and she said that hospitals policy (a large system) is no intermittent fmla, that she's never heard of taking intermittent fmla because of nausea, and that I need to just take the promethazine or Zofran and deal with it.
I'm obviously very upset and this doesn't sound right to me. I'm a manager and have people covered on fmla if they need to leave early or be away a little to deal with pregnancy related nausea. Am I being crazy and unreasonable or should I look for another ob? Is it even possible to switch 9 weeks in?
I don't really want to take meds that will knock me out so I can't work anyway and I don't want to get fired. My company offers no time off for this. Any advice?

Hello!!
Sorry if this ends up being a long and unformatted post, but I need help from someone who understands a bit more than I do.
I (21F) unknowingly got a UTI back in October when I got my IUD put in. I'm assuming that's when it happened, because when they did my analysis I had two types of bacteria causing my uti, proteus mirabelis and klebsiella pneumoniae, and those two (specifically klebsiella) seem to come specifically from medical settings, and since my doctor was in a rush (I was his last patient of the day before having to go to the hospital for a delivery), I don't think he was being as careful as he should've been with washing hands and stuff. I didn't know that I had a UTI until almost a month ago when I went into the ER for excruciating pain, the worst pain I've ever felt.
I had none of the common symptoms of UTIs, but I was increasingly losing my appetite, vomiting, nausea, fatigue, severe pain in my right side and back... the whole nine yards. I thought it was either side effects from the IUD being put in (I was told these were all side effects to except for up to a year after insertion, don't really know if that's true) or from my PCOS, which often unfortunately causes pain in the same area that's so intense I am nauseous or vomiting as well.
When I went into the ER, they did a urine test (the urine was pretty bloody so they concluded I had an infection before even testing it, but they still tested it anyways), as well as doing a CT scan and ultrasound to make sure there wasn't anything else (cancer) going on.
In that CT scan, they found a 1cm kidney stone. However, they didn't tell me about it directly. They sent me home, stated that I had a UTI, and said that the antibiotics should take care of it in 7 days (I unfortunately don't remember what antibiotic it was now, but it's a general one that helps with the most bacteria since they didn't know what I had yet). I only found out about the stone after reading my chart and seeing pictures of the CT scan, where you can clearly see it.
After 7 days of that antibiotic, I started feeling bad again 24 hours after I was finished with them. I did a telemedicine visit, but what they ended up prescribing me is known to be ineffective with the types of bacteria I had, so I didn't even really bother and ended up just going to a minute clinic. At the minute clinic they did another test, said I still had a UTI, and put me on bactrim. I'm sensitive to bactrim, and it ended up giving me an ear infection... and then it still didn't completely fix the UTI either. I went to a minute clinic the third time after trying bactrim and they gave me amoxicillin, which finally seems to have worked for the UTI.
Unfortunately, today I had to give a tour to some employees. I work outside at a large property, and by the end of it the severe pain had come back in my right side and back and while it has dulled now, almost 10 hours after, it's still there. I took a UTI at home test and it came positive for leukocytes but not nitrites, which when I looked it up, says it may be due to antibiotic use, UTI, or kidney stone. Go figure.
I've been drinking lemon juice like crazy (I've heard that it can help you pass kidney stones), but I haven't passed anything so I'm assuming my leftover pain is from that. I'm not really sure what to do from here, because if the ER didn't even mention it, I'm not sure if any urologist will take me seriously and just will brush it off. I've never had kidney stones, so I'm not even really sure what the treatment is for it (I keep reading that it's painful... ladies with IUDs, is it better or worse than getting that inserted?) The bottom line is that I can't keep living like this, I'm confused why no one mentioned or seemed concerned about the kidney stone (the minute clinic people didn't really seem to care either), and I don't have insurance so it's getting really costly to keep going to the doctors and having them brush me off. I'm at my wits end, and it's making my depression bad again. Can someone please either give me knowledge you have past googling stuff (googling isn't really getting me anywhere past surface level knowledge, and no doctor really is explaining it to me) or what to do next?
Again, sorry this post is so long. I'm just hoping that someone reads it and is able to help me. I might cross post it, just not sure yet. Thank you.

Vulvovaginal pain for 10+ years
Hormonal causes
Hello, I’ve been dealing with vaginal pain for most of my life, and I thought it was caused by hormones but now I’m unsure. Most of my pain is in my vestibule, however it’s sometimes in the vulva and clitoris (although not as much as the vestibule). I have never been able to have penetrative sex, and have done pelvic floor therapy and mental health therapy. I got my hormones checked, and was told it is because of low progesterone. I have been on a progesterone hormonal cream since January (now May) and I saw some improvements but not completely. I’m not sure if I should keep sticking with it, or try something else. I included a picture of my hormone panel above.
My vulva and especially vestibule is always red and uncomfortable, and certain ways of sitting and walking make it uncomfortable. I pretty much always have a discharge, and it is cream colored and somewhat thick, mostly around my period. I get a burning brown/black discharge before I start my period and after it ends, and it feels like lava.
I used to be on hormonal birth control pill for about 4 ish years (I’ve now been off for about 6 or 7 months) for heavvvvvyyy periods. My compounding pharmacist who made me the progesterone cream also said my adrenals are likely taxed, because I have had very high stress than the normal person (I am working on it, things are improving) and have high cortisol. She also thinks that my ovaries are probably not ovulating as they should, maybe because I had a restrictive eating disorder about 8 years ago during which I lost my period for about a year and had acne for the first time in my life after as well as osteoporosis. I’ve gotten STD panels and always been negative, and once the doctor gave me meds for a yeast infection and didn’t swab me. Next day went to someone who did swab me and it came back with zero yeast.
I’m saying all these symptoms to hopefully hear from people who have insight, since I’ve been to so many doctors and none seem to help me. I’m currently in urgent care as I write this because I believe I may have a yeast infection, although my symptoms are almost always like this.
I really want some help, I want a sex life, and I don’t want to live with this pain any longer. Please help! <3 I’m trying to remain positive.

Vulvovaginal pain for 10+ years
Hormonal causes
Hello, I’ve been dealing with vaginal pain for most of my life, and I thought it was caused by hormones but now I’m unsure. Most of my pain is in my vestibule, however it’s sometimes in the vulva and clitoris (although not as much as the vestibule). I have never been able to have penetrative sex, and have done pelvic floor therapy and mental health therapy. I got my hormones checked, and was told it is because of low progesterone. I have been on a progesterone hormonal cream since January (now May) and I saw some improvements but not completely. I’m not sure if I should keep sticking with it, or try something else. I included a picture of my hormone panel above.
My vulva and especially vestibule is always red and uncomfortable, and certain ways of sitting and walking make it uncomfortable. I pretty much always have a discharge, and it is cream colored and somewhat thick, mostly around my period. I get a burning brown/black discharge before I start my period and after it ends, and it feels like lava.
I used to be on hormonal birth control pill for about 4 ish years (I’ve now been off for about 6 or 7 months) for heavvvvvyyy periods. My compounding pharmacist who made me the progesterone cream also said my adrenals are likely taxed, because I have had very high stress than the normal person (I am working on it, things are improving) and have high cortisol. She also thinks that my ovaries are probably not ovulating as they should, maybe because I had a restrictive eating disorder about 8 years ago during which I lost my period for about a year and had acne for the first time in my life after as well as osteoporosis. I’ve gotten STD panels and always been negative, and once the doctor gave me meds for a yeast infection and didn’t swab me. Next day went to someone who did swab me and it came back with zero yeast.
I’m saying all these symptoms to hopefully hear from people who have insight, since I’ve been to so many doctors and none seem to help me. I’m currently in urgent care as I write this because I believe I may have a yeast infection, although my symptoms are almost always like this.
I really want some help, I want a sex life, and I don’t want to live with this pain any longer. Please help! <3 I’m trying to remain positive.

Something I was thinking about when I watched the final moments of the most recent EFAP was Mauler’s observation that the internet content creator landscape used to be different when AVGN clones ruled Youtube and his question of how that shifted into video essayists and commentary channels. I thought about that for a while and I thought of some reasons why the landscape changed that I would like to share.
Managers
Something that people might not be aware of is how many Youtubers have people managing their content in the form of things like setting up brand deals and other services that I am not familiar with. Some of them are very public about what they do, some of them are more private. The important thing is how managers worked in the past.
One thing that I liked about Machinima, ScrewAttack, and Channel Awesome that the creators probably didn’t like is that they forced the older creators to stick to a set schedule of uploads and some of them forced creators to follow a set formula. This meant that the manager would make sure that if a creator uploaded a video every Friday at 2pm, they would have an upload every single Friday at 2pm.
How would this work if the creator wanted to take a week off? Well, the creator would have to have a video to upload in advance. What if the creator wanted to spend 3 weeks on a super-duper big video? Well, they could absolutely do that, but it would be a passion project and they’d still have to follow the set schedule for regular uploads.
This created a content landscape that I actually enjoyed a lot as a consumer because it’s probably the way it should be for reviewers. Every week, or every day in rare cases, a movie reviewer would need to review a different movie, which meant that a reviewer might have to force themselves to sit through a movie they don’t want to see like Fifty Shades Of Grey to give it a chance to subvert their expectations and earn a glowing review, or dig deep to find a new indie movie to review to fill that quota if they really didn’t want to sit through Fifty Shades Of Grey.
The promise of Patreon and creators becoming more independent was that creators would exclusively make videos on topics they wanted to do, but I personally think that was the wrong way to go. I’ve maintained a position that I prefer it when content creators are encouraged, or even forced, to talk about things that they don’t want to talk about because oftentimes that’s when reviewers are most interesting. Some of my favorite Roger Ebert reviews were when he reviewed a children’s movie like Space Jam or Pokemon: The First Movie, and some of my favorite Zero Punctuation reviews are when he has to pick out a random indie game and commit to reviewing it regardless of what the indie game turned out to be, like when he reviewed Hell Pie.
What I think has happened is that the lack of managers has encouraged content creators to upload whatever they want, whenever they want, which has usually translated to videos about ‘easy’ topics, like videos about Disney movies, being uploaded weeks, or even months, apart, which has made the content creation landscape, at least for reviewers, a lot less interesting, and a lot less engaging.
It’s actually one of the reasons why EFAP has been losing my interest lately, because although they upload a stream every week the topics they choose are generally ‘easy’ topics because I genuinely think the hosts don’t have the ability to make an EFAP on something more obscure, or even just ‘difficult’ like Baby Reindeer, very interesting, or they just won’t do streams on those topics because, as Rags said: “This is our show, and we can do whatever the fuck we want.”
Honestly, my hot take is that I liked you better when you couldn’t do whatever the fuck you wanted all of the time. In fact, one of my favorite Rags moments on EFAP was when he clearly didn’t want to be involved with the debate with Twin Perfect.
Sponsors
I remember the Adpocalypse and how Youtubers transitioned to sponsors over relying heavily on ad-revenue. What that event transpired into is that audiences were far more accepting of basically any form of making money that Youtubers would use. Patreon became a very dominant part of Youtube, but sponsors also became extremely common and audiences would even cheer in the comment sections when creators would have their first Raid: Shadow Legends sponsorship.
Sponsors are what I want to talk about because I have seen Youtubers show that they have a bunch of videos on their computer that they simply aren’t releasing to the public because they don’t want to upload a single video without a sponsor on their main channel, as well as Youtubers having a second channel where they upload ‘slop’ content without sponsors that most of their audience is usually unaware of or isn’t interested in.
The problem is that the appeal for pretty much all content on Youtube is the personalities of the people creating the content, which is less about the actual personalities and more like “That’s an actual person doing what they actually want to do, that’s so cool,” but that is usually undercut by the presence of sponsors. The fact that Youtubers will sit on a video they made and not upload it unless they can get a sponsor to pay for it always seemed strange to me, especially for Youtubers where the image they present is “I’m just a normal, chill guy who makes Youtube videos for fun,” which needs the caveat of “Uhhhh, I’m actually really poor and if I don’t take this BetterHelp sponsor I can’t afford my rent this month. Please understand, I’m barely making any money on Youtube,” when a sponsor is included in the video.
As weird as this sounds, there are communities of creatives online that don’t expect to ever make any money putting hours, days, weeks, months, and years of work into a project. There are modding communities, bloggers, game developers, fanfiction writers, and artists that only want comments saying “You did a good job,” and Youtubers used to be that way, or they used to present themselves that way before sponsors became as common as they are now.
I don’t say this often enough, but I remember when Youtubers would make videos about not just random pictures on Deviantart, but on fanfictions and pornographic videos. They’d do those videos for things like clout, which is something that I don’t see too often on Youtube.
People might say that there are a bunch of Youtubers that talk about obscure media and Youtubers that make things without any expectation of earning money, which I say “Well, yeah, but that’s not what I’m talking about,” and then I’d point to things like AVGN’s Atari Porn video, and old videos where commentary Youtubers would branch out from their niche to say “Hey, just for fun, we’re going to check out this weird fanfiction story,” or how Yahtzee would include fun projects he created at the end of his Zero Punctuation videos, like how he’d dub over scenes in video games like Half-Life and Painkiller, or how he made a slideshow with Garry’s Mod that depicted a love story between Heavy and Medic.
What I’m saying is that a large part of what made Youtube fun was that not every video from an established creator with 100k subscribers needed to be monetized, or even created with the expectation of being successful or well-received by the community. There was a time when the expectations people had for, say, Jim Sterling was for a high-quality Jimquisition video to be produced and uploaded to the main channel once a week, and for the other days to feature a minimally-edited video where he showed himself trying out a game or reacting to a trailer on his main channel.
In the past I said that I would like it if EFAP would talk about comments and read fanfictions on-stream and I was mocked for it, but I stand by that statement because, although EFAP clearly doesn’t want to do it regularly, when they do read comments on-stream it tends to result in some of the best content because it showcases a side to them that I like. Instead of being totally normal dudes talking to each other about a movie they saw or reacting to a video, they have to use text-to-speech or read the comment using a silly voice or, well, use just a little bit of creativity when reading those comments out-loud.
What I’m kinda saying is that, yes, I think we all like professionally-produced content, and we all accept that sponsors for videos are necessary. But, like, I don’t like how for most successful Youtubers only the monetizable content, often with sponsors, is presented on the main channel, while the other content doesn’t exist, is uploaded to a secondary channel, or is locked behind some kind of paywall.
It just feels strange that these normal, chill, relatable people have gotten themselves into a position where they can earn real money, in some cases a lot of money, to stand in front of a webcam for 10 minutes talking about their favorite movies, chat with a group of friends, or even just play their favorite video game, and in quite a few cases they won’t do any of those things unless there’s a way to monetize it. Imagine how it looks to say “Well, I can’t talk about this cool fanfiction story I read on my main channel to my audience that enjoys my content about that franchise because I can’t get a sponsor for it.”
I wonder if Rags, a regular host of EFAP, appreciates the irony of him criticizing Chris Stuckmann for advocating that filmmakers “Get as much time and money as possible to make their films in the ideal circumstances and for the process to be easy,” when he’s in the position that he’s in where, on EFAP, he has as much freedom as he wants in the ideal circumstances to make money with EFAP, and it’s easy, yet he still will complain if he’s asked to step out of his comfort zone, even a little bit, on stream.
Insecurity
A while ago I had a theory about Cancel Culture which was that usually Cancel Culture is incredibly exaggerated by the audience of the people being canceled, and that most of the people being canceled are perfectly fine. The go-to example is the poor lady who made a joke about AIDS before going to Africa that got off the flight and got fired from her job due to her joke going viral. What people often don’t mention is that she got fired because it’s a terrible look for the company’s PR person to be involved with such a massive PR disaster, and that she got hired at another company a very short time later. Plus, like, she made a racist joke and people were calling her a racist, it wasn’t like she was targeted for absolutely no reason.
My theory is that people think that Cancel Culture absolutely ruins the lives of celebrities and influencers online because of their intense reactions to being canceled. An early example being Seth Macfarlane, who was mocked for his poorly-received hosting of the Oscars and who seemed incredibly bitter about it, making Cancel Culture a plot point in multiple episodes of Family Guy, talking about how bitter he was about it in interviews for years, and even apparently getting emotional support from his friends and family after the ordeal, even going as far as to ask celebrities to say “I liked what he did and I thought he was hilarious, and very handsome.”
What I’m saying is that I think that in the early days of content creation on Youtube the people making videos were more willing to appear on camera and embarrass themselves, like with Spoony screaming at a big gaming event on camera, because even though they were aware of Cancel Culture being a thing they weren’t going to be reduced to tears by someone saying “You’re totally cringe and annoying,” and even went as far as to incorporate those kinds of comments into their video because it was extremely easy content to create. You probably know what I’m talking about, where a creator would read out “This content creator is SOOOOOOO CRINGE,” in a video in a silly voice which you can’t really do as easily with “OMG, I love your content,” and make it entertaining.
That’s changed a lot today with content creators seeming to project an extreme amount of insecurity in every video they’re a part of, which gets even worse in formats like podcasts. It feels like every commentary creator is a chill dude that isn’t offended by anything and only wants to have a good time talking about things they like because, well, that’s what they need to be to avoid being criticized too severely, but they constantly allude to being a very immature and thin-skinned person that is mainly concerned about earning money, to the point where they’ll say “I’m not even having fun producing content at all.”
In college I remember one of my professors saying: “When you were high school kids you were insecure and weren’t confident in your abilities enough to volunteer when you were asked. You’re adults now, and when you graduate you can’t do that at a real job. Part of growing up is being confident in yourself, and if you don’t want to do that, you can always work in fast food where you never need to grow up, while the other adults in your friend group are becoming doctors and construction workers.”
It’s something that I realized with Youtubers which is that a decent amount of them started their careers young and never had to ‘grow up’ the way that my professor said that we needed to. Even with millions of subscribers you still see a lot of Youtubers struggle to commit to any statement they make, and I hear “I’m just a dumb Youtuber who doesn’t know anything and is stupid and socially-awkward and is fat and smells bad,” too many times from rich and successful people.
The thing is, when you’re a teenager, or you’re in your 20s, that insecurity is charming and relatable because you're trying to find a place in the world and discovering the role that you will fill in society. But, when you’re 30 and your role is “I tell people about the latest internet drama and make references to Spongebob,” or “I talk about Star Wars for hours at a time,” even if you make $2 million every day there’s likely a part of you that says: “I don’t like who I am. I don’t like what I do for a living. Yes, I’m rich, but I don’t like why I’m rich, and I don’t like my audience.”
I think that this insecurity leads to people trying to make their content more ‘mature’, but the way they do it isn’t by presenting themselves as a more confident person, or by making a clear separation between the personality in their content and their actual personality so that they can have a good work/life balance, it’s by creating the same content with very superficially mature elements. So, you end up with the video essayists of the past that gained fame by describing the events of a movie and then giving their opinion on whether they liked or disliked it doing the same thing but with quotes from smart people, like Socrates, and making conclusions like “Some people are gonna like this movie, some people are going to hate it. The important thing is that everyone involved with this movie tried really hard and had fun.”
The thing is, teenagers and 20-year-olds get value from a relatable person that comes across as an insecure loser who is too afraid to take a proper stance on anything to commit to a statement. When someone is actually mature they find more value in someone who is willing to do a good job and defend the job that they did, even if they’re like Neil Breen who thinks they did a good job but clearly did a terrible job. A 20-year-old might declare that Twin Perfect’s debate with EFAP wasn’t embarrassing because he was just being himself or something, but a 40-year-old might not tell Twin Perfect that the debate was embarrassing, but they would no longer respect him, and I imagine a lot of 40-year-olds don’t respect a lot of Youtube video essayists because of how eager they seem to be to engage in self-deprecation.
Conclusion
Despite everything that I’ve said, I do think that the content landscape on Youtube is generally ‘better’ than it was in, say, 2010. We weren’t getting a 4+ hour video by The Little Platoon about Rebel Moon, for instance, in 2010.
What I would compare modern Youtube and classic Youtube to is the 1970s movie scene vs. the 1980s movie scene, which Quentin Tarantino has labeled as “The worst period in movie history,” which the EFAP crew have pushed back on.
The thing is, in the early 80s we got Blade Runner, in the same way that nowadays we got the 4+ hour Little Platoon video, but the theatrical release of that film was famously sabotaged by the company that wanted Harrison Ford to provide voiceovers for the film that ‘ruined’ it, or at least, ruined the ending of the movie.
Throughout the 80s films were made which satisfied audiences more than films from the 70s did because Spielberg was producing hugely successful films that are still highly regarded, but there was also a bunch of shady practices going on and a bunch of notoriously poor studio decisions made in order to appeal to a wide demographic, such as the fiasco with Supergirl and Masters Of The Universe, or changing the ending of Brazil.
In the 1970s we not only got more challenging films, but there was also a thriving independent cinema scene that gave us Death Race 2000, Eraserhead, THX-1138, and Duel. There was also Jaws, Star Wars, and A Clockwork Orange, which were big-budget movies that took serious creative risks that paid off immensely which just wouldn’t happen in the 1980s, or would happen very rarely.
I think that I do prefer Youtube back in, say, 2015-2017 when it seemed like we generally got the best of both worlds, challenging content about a diverse range of subjects with production values comparable to what we have now.
To close this, I would like to include a paraphrased interaction I saw on a podcast featuring a pretty big Youtuber that I think illustrates why Youtube has changed in the way that it has.
Youtuber: Look, I don’t need to work as hard on my videos now because not every video needs to be an event. I just want to take it easy now, pump out a video whenever I feel like it, get paid by the sponsors, and then spend time with my family, is that so wrong?
Host: It kind of is. I know your audience of teenagers will be like “He just wants to spend time with his family, dude, have a heart,” but a lot of Youtubers, especially younger Youtubers look up to you for inspiration. If you’re in that position and your attitude is “I’m going to half-ass every video that I make from now on and if anyone calls my content lazy I’ll use my 8-year-old daughter as a shield against criticism,” that’s the attitude that a lot of young Youtubers are going to have. They’re going to half-ass their content and when criticized, they’re going to find their own excuse, like “I have a kid now,” or “I have to eat,” or something.
Youtuber: That’s not my fault, though. I never asked to be a role model.
Host: That’s not how that works. You don’t get to decide whether or not people look up to you, have expectations of you, and emulate your approach to content creation. You only release 2-3 videos a year, and with your status every video should be a major event, but instead every video is half-assed, as you admitted, and then you use your daughter as an excuse for why you don’t put as much effort into your content as you used to. I think you need to have someone in your life, like a friend, that actually makes you feel some shame for your content and encourages you to do better, rather than your social circle being composed of supportive people like your family and the people who pay you through Patreon.
Host 2: He did have that. He fired him two years ago, remember?
Host: Oh, yeah, you fired your friend, or made him quit, whatever the story was. Did that not make you feel bad at all?
Youtuber: Friendships end, that’s just life.
Host: That’s the attitude that I hate that comes across in your content. You can’t just brush aside everything and bumble through life, except if you’re an internet personality, apparently.
Host 2: It worked for the MCU.
Host: It’s not working for the MCU anymore, though, and it isn’t working as well for this Youtuber. It’s probably going to get worse and when he decides to do more work and make better videos, like he used to do, it’s probably going to be too late, or he’ll need to make really good videos to get the views he once did.
Youtuber: My videos are really good, though.
Host: You admitted to half-assing them.

When I play a drow convict, I see a teleportation trap on DL 1, then I realize that I could actually use it to escape. To avoid fighting in melee, most early monsters are slow and as we move, they will get farther and we could shoot rocks at them. But jackals have speed 12 and foxs have speed 15, so if being chased by a jackal, we could retreat and step onto the teleportation trap.
Another interesting point is that there might be closets containing a teleportation trap that teleport you into the vault, and there might be an engrave "ad aerarium" outside the closet door, so I think of if I could kick the door and make it an escape method. It teleports us to the vault, later we drop all gold and the guard will guide us out.
Unfortunately, the guards saw our picture on the wanted poster, so they will become hostile and attack us. Well, so our convicts cannot use this special teleportation trap, but are still able to use normal teleportation traps.
But here comes another question, if we know there's a vault on the current level, if we step onto normal teleportation traps, I think it might teleport us to the vault if we are unlucky, and then no way out, until the guard comes and kills us. Sort of like dipping fountains, there might come water moccasins or hostile water demons so we avoid doing that so early. So I think if there are vaults, we drow convicts should avoid using teleportation traps at all lol.
Anyway, teleportation traps are still useful when playing other roles or playing vanilla, but remember magic resistance will block this. It's still a valid escape method and might be useful sometimes.
And in vanilla, the traps in closets are useful too, there might be levelporters or trapdoors. We could use the trapdoors to fall or fly down quickly, usually I may annotate "td" when I find one, and we can dig holes ourselves too. And levelporters are useful to save some scrolls of teleportation, well but they can only be used once and disappear. And we could use levelporters to teleport up without teleport control.

The Book I'm pretty sure was a YA fantasy book. A girl had gone to live in another town, but got brought into a dream realm or when she fell asleep she went to a dream world. I heavy remember her going to another world and it being dream like
• Describe notable characters: I remember the main girl wasn't very old, and had brown hair. I remember a grandma and a talking creature that either looked the thr kangaroo dogs in Tank girl or was more like Renamon from digimon. Honestly I remember him being animalistic and part of the dream realm
• What genre is it?: I remember fantasy
• Physically describe the book - Hardcovepaperback? Book cover color?: It was a Hardcover, I don't remember the sleeve. But the book itself was an eggplant purple. I remember there was pictures in the book, not a lot, but I remember there being little bugs of artwork on the sides of the words. Like a doodle in a textbook
• When was it set?: I'm pretty sure it was moderns. I think the book was from the 90s-early 2000s
• How long was the book?: it had over three hundred pages
..And You • How old were you when you read it?: between 8-9, I'm 30 now and this book has been on my mind since
• When (what year) did you read it?: between 2001-2004
• Was it new when you read it?: I want to say yes, but it could have been older. I got it secondhand
• What age range was it for?: I'm pretty sure it was for young teens to young adults

So, here's the thing: my Xbox controller doesn't work with some games from my Steam library, but on other games it does. Here are my specs:

• CPU: Ryzen 5 5600H
  
• GPU: NVIDIA GeFore RTX 3060 Laptop GPU
  
• RAM: 32 GB DDR4 3200 MHz
  
• OS: Linux Mint 21.3
  
• Steam version: Flatpak
  

Games tested that don't register my controller:

• Monster Hunter Rise
  
• The Witcher 3
  

Games tested that register my controller:

• Armored Core 6
  
• Stardew Valley (force use Proton)
  

I can also see that my controller is detected by Steam and is usable by Big Picture mode. It also can be used in other games outside of Steam, so it's not a controller issue but a game issue.
Please note that the controller is used in wired mode.
I believe this issue occured because for reasons I won't detail here, I had to install the deb version of Steam, then uninstalled it after testing.
Yes, I tried with and without Steam Input and the result is the same: the game does not react to controller's inputs.
First hypothesis is I may have uninstalled some dependency with the deb version of Steam. But if it was the case, every game should not read the controller's inputs. That's not what happens here.
I tried restoring to an early snapshot of my system after the initial installation, I tried with a snapshot where I was using the flatpak version of Steam and the deb version was uninstalled.
Finally, I tried nuking the whole Steam repository to reinstall it completely. Nothing.
I don't really know how it happened, I don't know what caused it to happen, I don't have a clue about my situation. That's why I cannot provide specific logs, I don't even know where to start.

There was a wedding this weekend. But it was a couple in college and their idea of a wedding primarily centered around being newly 21 so lots of toasts and alcohol, also, religious, with homilies and hymns. Such an event is not a great place for someone with a debilitating, poorly controlled depressive mood disorder, characterized by terrible general and social anxiety.
When I first started dating my s/o, they had a story they would tell me on repeat about going to a family wedding some years ago and losing it, crying, big crying, during the ceremony, and their plus one at the time was embarrassed to have gone with them. The rest of the wedding involved getting drunk to bury emotions. The story would come up out of the blue like a trauma flashback. ...It probably WAS a trauma flashback. Having a mental health meltdown so publicly, in a nearly silent event hall, where everyone knew who they were was one of their great terrors, and they lived it.
Life post-ketamine has been very different. Still, my s/o was freaked out that there was a wedding to go to but felt obligated to say yes. The rehearsal dinner the day before involved everyone being instructed to give a toast, and there were a LOT of guests.
Instead of being overwhelmed and getting hammered, then more emotionally unstable due to alcohol, then freaking out at giving toast, my s/o took some air and decided it was better to leave the rehearsal dinner early, skip the bar, and call it good. They made it through the dinner and introductions and a hoard of college students with slumped shoulders and circles under their eyes fidgeting with their first ever suit or gown, not knowing how to walk around in nice clothing. It was an anxiety inducing event for sure, to be surrounded by self-esteem impaired kids who were all going for the booze but without the benefit of self control from experience at fine dining parties, with what looked like over 100 people, and everyone asking for public sharing of personal details, also a pro photographer yelling to smile! They held up well, discussed current work projects and some new construction, introduced me to people I had never met, and put out some effort to show pride in me and make me look good socially. I was pretty stunned.
But that night they panicked a little that they would fall apart again at the actual wedding, and everyone would think they were some kind of weak fool. The story went back on repeat after being gone for over a year.
For about an hour, they were trying to negotiate with me to support using drugs or alcohol to dull the experience, some lashing blame, general disarray of thinking and planning. But they assumed it would be the same as last time, they couldn't live through that embarassment again, falling apart in front of 100 people and being obligated not to leave. The
The next morning they had calmed down, apologized for being so strung out, and we strategized and bought a wine bottle shaped jug of grape juice for the table, so the glasses would be full of something wine-ish and no one would try to force alcohol into their empty glass, and demand they toast and drink, which would definitely put them into a downward spiral.
The wedding later that day was worse in terms of anxiety induction. The hymns, and religious speeches, and a nearly hour long preacher lecture to the couple was a prelude to the too loud background music and people all around yelling to be heard while everyone in fine clothing tried to eat the catered tacos and liquid cheese pour over nachos, with their hands, while avoiding necktties and lace.
And it was fine. No emotional upheaval, no panic due to the crowd, no horror at meeting people.
After four hours, they had congratulated the happy couple, dinner with relatives, family photos, signed the Bible, written note to the couple for the memory scrap book, caught up with relatives, and had real conversations for about two hours of the event. When it was clear there was no emerging timeline for cake cutting, they asked to take a quick walk outside where we could hear each other and we made an exit plan. They had enough bandwidth to compliment the mother of the bride and father of the bride and congratulate them, beg off early due to being a little overwhelmed and blamed their social anxiety diagnosis, and stopped to say goodbye to close relatives.
Since we missed the cake, we pulled in at the nearest gas station and they pounded down a nasty Hostess type pastry cake as a stress relief/token of achievement and we had a good laugh.
They felt depressed for a couple hours afterward, talking about how gross it felt to be surrounded by people who were parading polite personas and be expected to wear the same mask. That the religious content had been much more than they'd been expecting, e.g. required singing about how we are all God's weapons against devils (an interesting choice for a wedding.) Church was never a safe place for them, it was social group where you "can pray away mental illness," and remaining mentally ill was a sign of further personal failure. So feeling low and blue wasn't so much a symptom as a very normal response to being sat down through prayers and hymns and recitations, etc.
And then they played with their kitten to have the kitten run around chasing toys until exhausted and happy sleepy, gave it dinner and asked if I wanted to snuggle and catch up on the news on TV.
And things were fine. They reflected that they didn't fall apart, that they never expected to be able to handle an event like that. That leaving a little early was not much of a sin and they'd been talkative, likeable, well-dressed, and nice company.
The next day there was no recovery or fall out. They did a big favor (1.5 hours driving) for an acquaintance who was rushing in from out of town for an elderly family member who broke their leg. This favor did not stop them from getting some work done, kitten care, and schedule planning.
What a change. From a mental health melt down and subsequent years of relived trauma, improving to the point where the big follow up was them giving me an eyeroll in the car and saying "next time, I'm asking about how many hymns and homilies there will be before I RSVP."

I was almost followed into my apartment building last night but I'm not clear what this person's intentions were. I'm a woman in my 20s living in Brooklyn, I'm from NY, and have heard and been warned about walking home alone, but still have never experienced something like being followed, until last night. I was coming home from work and I got off at my regular train stop and started to walk to my apartment which is about 2 avenues from the train. I had both my earbuds in, but I wasn't listening to anything. I start to pass the park that is about a block away from me and I can feel and hear someone behind me, shuffling their feet as they walk. Not a problem, there was plenty of people around, both in the park and on the streets and sidewalks around it. It was about 7:30pm and still light out but the sun was going down. I get to the traffic light at the corner of the park when I notice this person is still behind me. I turned my head to the left slightly so I can see this person in my peripheral vision and I could see they were wearing a brown hoodie and had long brown hair, but still couldn't tell if it was a man or woman. I turned back to the street, crossed when the light changed and made a left, the next block was my street. I wanted to test if this person would pass me or walk in the same direction, so as I made it to my block I abruptly turned right and this person did the same. I'm now on the right side of my street but would have to cross to the left side where my apartment is, so as I was walking straight up my block I really quickly turned left and squeezed through a tiny space between two parked cars to cross the street, and I notice this person speeds up and does the exact same thing in the exact same spot!! This is when my heart started pounding. I started speeding up a little bit and I'm about 4 apartment buildings away from mine, and I hear this person's shuffling feet keeping pace with mine and speed up as I do, and I hear a single manly deep breath behind me. This is where I feel a little dumb, instead of continuing to walk up the street to a cafe or stop and tell someone (there was a few people walking on the sidewalk) I thought, "ok, our front lobby door locks whenever it's closed all the way, and if you don't have a key you can't get in, I'll just get inside there, close the door, and see what happens." So I get to my front 2 steps, jump inside the open lobby door, and immediately turn around and slam it shut. As I do this, this MAN WALKED RIGHT INTO THE DOOR and I come face to face with this man behind the glass. He was maybe in his late 20s to early 30s, light-skinned black man, with long brown almost waist length braids. He looked feminine and was actually quite pretty, but the look on his face was strange, like he was not fully there. His eyes were wide but the rest of his face blank, and he never looked away from me. Now get this, he never opens his mouth to say anything, but instead keeps those wide eyes on mine, holds up both of his hands, in one he's holding his iphone, which has a dead battery symbol on it and in the other hand is an ID, but it doesn't look like him on it. I totally should have read it, maybe it had the address to the same apartment on it, but I didn't even care, I just yelled "NO!" The thing is he readily had the ID in his hand, he didn't go into a pocket or a bag, he just had his hands up and ready to show me. I watched him never change his face, turn to his right and leave. I called my roommate to let her know, and she had a friend walk her home about two hours after I got in, so I wasn't alone for the rest of the night. I wish I took a picture of him with the ID and phone, but I was just weirded out that he tried to step inside right behind me but didn't try to come back in again or say a single word. I thought maybe I dropped my ID and he was returning it, but I checked and mine was in my wallet. Maybe he was asking for me to lend him a phone charger, but why would he follow me inside for that?! Was I overreacting?

I don't care where you're from. I don't mind if you come with kids. I just want the love to be there. I want good communication. 🥹 I just wanna find my person. It's OK if my person lives all the way in Sweden or whatever.
I don't want to be pregnant. I do not want to give birth. But I'm 1000% open to being a parent through bonus children or adoption. So, don't let that scare you away. Putting this out early to avoid disappointment.
Facts about moi:

• I work with smol humans for a living.
  • You don't have to WANT kids of your own. But, if you don't like kids...you're not for me.
• One of my favorite past-time activities is trying to put together legos high.
  • Listening to music high is also an experience (I do Delta since that’s what’s legal. If you’re anti-weed, then we aren’t a match. I don’t do it allll the time. I’m too broke for that life).
    • Seriously, doesn't music sound different when you're high?
• Green Day was one of my favorite bands. I’ve been listening to them since I was 10!
  • The obsession was real. My ten-year-old self had a binder about the members with all the facts and pictures of Billie (Yes, I was a weird child)
  • Now my obsession is more towards bands like AVOID, Dayseeker, The Used, etc. I'll listen to the same songs over and over until I can't stand it. I even have a Playlist for that.
  • I love going to concerts. So, it'd be cool if you liked them too.
• I love love love traveling.
  • Please don’t be a giant grouch on vacations. Coworkers complain about their spouse being a shitbird on trips. No thanks.
  • I also like staying in, of course! But I’m not a homebody. I struggled during the COVID shutdown. Being cooped up SUCKED. I do not want to beg you to get out of the house. Again, I am NOT a homebody.
• I have a spicy brain.
  • I’m super duper ADHD. Fun times! I’m also like an anxious puppy. Woop woop.
  • The most organized thing in my life is this list
• The Office and Parks and Rec are two of my favorite shows. I also like Bob’s Burgers and Avatar The Last Airbender.
  • I don't watch a whole lot of TV, honestly.
• I talk to myself out loud in public.
  • I promise I'm only a little crazy.

Why you should date me:

• We can listen to emo bands together whenever you want
  • Emo music can mean many things and I’m OK with that.
• You won’t get food poisoning from my cooking
  • I can make more than Hamburger Helper and frozen pizzas. Though, the ranch burger hamburger helper is my fave.
  • The velveeta skillets are better, though.
• I’m suuuper short. So, if you’re insecure about your height, I gotchu. I’ll make you feel tall..or taller!
  • I don’t care about height and it makes me sad that people feel insecure about something they can’t change.
  • I’m a great small spoon…but I guess if you REALLY insist, I can be a jetpack. Buuuuutttt it isn't my first choice.

I grew up being raised in the catholic church going to service most Sundays and attending Sunday school for the early part of my youth. I went as far as gaining my communion where I would take part of a distorted flesh eating ritual known for eating the body of Christ. When I was a young kid and did something bad (Sin as they say) I did not fear the devil but instead feared punishment from god. Even in my teens I attended the local Young Life christian organization, but honestly I was only truly there to hang out with friends and the people who ran it were genuinely good people but I could truly care less when they spoke about God and Jesus. For the better parts of my life I believed in the Universe itself and always knew there was much more to the big picture of our existence.
Years later when I was 34 I went through a psychosis which also served as my Spiritual Awakening. This led me on to my Soul journey to understand my faith and beliefs on a much deeper level. I became obsessed and passionate with knowing the truth about what had happened to me and the reality of existence itself. It's been nearly 6 years since that day and I have not given up on my eternal soul quest to know the truth and 'god' is not it. I have had several more awakenings and in addition many multidimensional experiences and here is what I have learned along that path.
There exists no 'god' but specifically in this universe there is a being that refers to himself as 'god' the creator of all that exists. In my view I know him as the Demiurge otherwise known as the false creator. He is the head of the Empire of the gods in this universe (and there are many 'gods') that reside in this universe. His ultimate goal is to take control of this universe and create it in his own synthetic love and light. If this 'god' were to look in the mirror the reflection he would see is none other than satan himself, as they are one and the same being. He and his minions of the empire lie and manipulate us into believing he is the one true creator but this is false, he wants to literally feed off of you with your love, adoration, devotion and worhsip. He greedily feeds off all of it much like a interdimensional drug addict and he can not get enough from humanity because of who we are and what we truly represent in this universe. Through your soul journey in this universe you yourself have already been a 'god' or as I commonly refer to them as celestial beings that come from the realms of consciousness.
The truth is that each and everyone of us are Infinite Sovereign Creator beings that exists beyond this universe into the Omniverse and into the Infinite nature of life. You exist beyond spirit, consciousness, soul and yes even 'god' himself. He is not my creator and does not own my soul and never will. This being we call 'god' is jealous of how truly powerful we Humans are in this universe and the extremely difficult journey that we have been on to get here. He and his Empire do everything they can to bind humanity and Mother Earth from remembering who we really are. The 'gods' fear us remembering the most because we become empowered as we begin to liberate ourselves from their control. For those that believe in the bible there is crumbs of truth in there among mostly linguistic programming which warps our minds into believing a false narrative. The story of Jesus is also a bastardisation of the real life Christos (also known as the golden one) the true Universal Prime Creator. This universe was created initially by one being but everything in it is a co-creation between all of the beings that live in this universe. 'god' is not the creator of this universe and does not own anyone's soul. We are truly Supreme beings and co-created this to challenge ourselves and grow but it has been a very long and difficult journey but now more and more of us are Waking Up to what is real. Mother Earth is waking up and she is fucking pissed off at 'god' and his empire for what they've done to us.
Take a moment to yourself go into your heart and into your soul it's there where the truth resides within you and it is time for humanity and Mother Earth to wake up and take back our sovereignty and our liberty. You are all my family and I love you all very dearly but there are some real hard truths that we all have to face and it's now that we all have to question and work on our relationship with the 'gods'. You are all Infinite and Eternal beings that exist beyond 'god' wake up and own it.
If you are truly interested in any of the things I have to share please take the time to look into my life coach and mentor George Kavassilas. He has helped me remember many of these truths and changed my existence forever. George I love you eternally for all you have done for me, thank you.

Almost three months ago, (starting from 5/21/2024), I was done with a shift at my job, (not gonna say what business for my anonymity), and was getting ready to bike home. After getting on the bike, I rode to the main street that would get me to the highway, and stopped at the intersection, where the light was red for a couple minutes. While waiting, a white or gray car came up on my left, (that color detail is somewhat fuzzy), and the driver pulled the passenger side window down, and spoke to me.
What they said shocked me, as I never expect someone to say that to me, much less on the roadway. Just to give a picture, the driver was a Black man, maybe late twenties to early thirties, (somewhere in that range), wearing some tan shorts, a black T-shirt, and a black baseball-style cap, (from what I could see without being intrusive), and he said the following: "Get off the road B-word!" And I was understandably shocked, thinking, "Why the heck would someone say that to a random biker?"
Am I the jerk for biking on the road?
SIKE!
I know I'm not the jerk. It's perfectly legal for someone to ride a bike on the road, so long as you follow traffic laws, and be aware of your surroundings. What the guy said was uncalled for, and very random. If he got some joy from insulting people, (if that's what he was doing), that's his problem. I'm honestly not bothered by that, and I figured this would be a nice story to tell.

Hi Friends! I am new to this sub, but thought I'd write in to see if yall had any additional advice for me.
I upgraded the enclosure for my rescue lizards, and have a Exo-Terra 12x12x18 enclosure that I used when I first got them (it's all that I could get when I took them on). I wanted make it into a bioactive enclosure, and recently started considering keeping a mantis. I will have a few months before I can reasonably get a mantis, and before the enclosure will be established enough to house a pet.
I have read the tagged post on the sub. I will be replacing the mesh with a fine plastic mesh. But I was wondering if anyone had suggestions or feedback when it comes to what plants to keep in the enclosure, as well as any additional resources for keeping a mantis. I was told that a Ghost would be one of the best species to get introduced to, but will also take suggestions on species.
Also, If you have suggestions or pictures of a bioactive enclosure that you want to share, I would love to get an idea of what they'd look like!
I want to get the tank established and running before I move in August, but will probably wait to get the mantis until Septembeearly October. I just want to ensure I have ample time to research and provide a good set up!
Thank you for your help and feedback! Have a wonderful day!

TW: sexual abuse, sexual assault, harassment, stalking
I (22F) started working at a supermarket close to my parents’ home when I was 19; it didn’t pay much, but I had to attend classes in the evening since I was still in highschool and finding another job would’ve been extremely hard.
After a couple of months I stated making friends at work and we started hanging out after work hours. One of my colleagues, let’s call him Creep (28M, at the time), had a crush on me and I could tell, but I was too shy and anxious to turn him down immediately. A few months later, I was assigned to a different department and started seeing him less and less (not that I minded, he was kinda creepy in everything he did - even in the way he speaks, but i later found out that he has problems communicating because of how he was raised by deaf parents).
One day he texted me saying that he would’ve come to the store to give me a ride back home (I lived literally 5 mins away from my workplace lol) once I finished my turn. I gently declined, I didn’t need a ride home, I could’ve just walked, but he insisted saying that he had something to tell me. I didn’t have a choice basically. Once we were in the car I asked him what he had to tell me so urgent he couldn’t have waited to see me at work. He confessed that he had a crush on me, that he noticed since we didn’t get to spend much time together anymore and he missed me, asking me what I thought about it and if I would give it a shot. I told him no, I was already seeing someone and I had no interest in persuing something else. I got off the car and said goodbye, but it seemed pretty chill between us.
A few weeks later we were hanging out with some of our friends, had a couple of drinks and, once we were alone, he kissed me. Back in the days my anxiety was pretty bad, I dissociated hard after that, feeling insecure because it seemed like my words didn’t mean a thing - I already turned him down, but he didn’t care.
The following day we had plans with other friends, so I asked him to meet me a little early so we could talk about what happened. He picked me up, he parked near where we hat to meet other people and he immediately cut me off when I started speaking. I was shocked at what he started blabbing.
Him:“So, since we are now dating, I just wanted to let you know a couple of things. I don’t want my girlfriend to go out and get drunk with male friends like you do; I don’t want you to dress like a whore, either-“
Me: “Well, you’re lucky then, since I am NOT your girlfriend.”
Right at that moment I got a phone call, so I picked it up. It was one of our friends, asking for details about the plans we had that evening. While I was talking to him, I suddently felt something wet and soft and disgusting in my other ear - yep, he started licking my ear and my neck out of the blue. Then he grabbed one of my tits, he put his hand between my thights and he touched me. I was shocked, my first reaction was freezing immediately, I was scared and it fucked with my brain badly because I was already sexually assaulted at 17. And he knew it. He knew that I wouldn’t have reacted, that it was too much for me to elaborate, that I was still recovering from my previous assault. I stood there holding my breath, hoping that he wouldn’t go further, because I didn’t have the strength to go through that again. I put down the phone and stared at him while shaking, unable to speak and frightened as hell. He was calm, as if nothing happened, and he continued his monologue. “I know it may seem a bit weird, but I’m still a virgin and I want you to be my first”, he said with dreamy eyes. I wanted to puke. He just molested me, but kept talking as if we were in a relationship. I told him once again that I already had a boyfriend, but couldn’t do anything more than that. I was dissociating so bad, even I started behaving like nothing happened and I don’t know why. Maybe if I played his game I would be safe. Maybe I wasn’t processing properly due to my previous abuse. I don’t know, but I still regret it because it was like telling him that it was fine and he could do whatever he wanted.
A few days later, when I saw him at work, I told him - ONCE AGAIN - that I wasn’t interested, I had a boyfriend, and if it helped him get over it I would stop speaking to him for a while so he could take his time. At first he said he agreed, but after a couple of hours he stopped me in the storehouse saying that he thought about it and he couldn’t accept it, he wanted to keep being my friend and talk to me. I told him “well, i have already told you what I think, I’m sorry but I think it’s better off this way. Now I don’t have time to talk about this again, I’m working”. I turned my back and went for the door - that’s when he suddently GOT ANGRY. He started screaming that he couldn’t stand the idea of not talking me, while blocking the door so I couldn’t get out. I was scared to death. I tought he was going to hit me or something, but nothing happened, he quickly calmed down and let me leave. I stopped talking to him completely. And he. Went. Crazy.
Whenever he walked past me he “”accidentally”” touched my butt; he did anything to find and excuse to talk to me; he always came too close to me to creep me out; he followed me whenever I had a break and went out to smoke a cigarette. My silence didn’t last long, since I got transfered again in the same department as him. Sometimes we were the only two people working during the shift, so I was forced to talk to him at least about work related stuff. So I did. He was ecstatic, he thought we were mending our relationship and he got 10X worse. He texted me weird pictures, he started replying to my Instagram stories with sexual comments, he started following me when I went to school after work, he followed me anywhere I went in general. He also told me weird stories that creeped me out even more.
I started asking my co-workers for help, begging them to stick around so he wouldn’t be near me alone, asking for advice on how to handle it. I didn’t feel safe talking to my supervisors for multiple reasons, and at the time I was just a troubled kid with ptsd. I didn’t have the tools to handle it. So I just stayed quiet. My mental health was getting worse day by day, I was paranoid, alienated, depressed, anxious and scared of everything. I stopped talking to everyone at work, I wasn’t able to interact because I felt as if I had forgotten how to do that. I was miserable. I started going to therapy and took 5 months off to focus on getting better.
But, 5 months later, I had to go back to work.
[The story is too long, if you are interested I’ll post the rest, I just needed a safe space to share this experience and get some advice on how to heal from all of this maybe?]

Okay, so for this post there are a lot of people involved (this has been going on for a while) so I'll list up here who's who. This is my wife's family. I'll be using code names when appropriate:
Father-in-law - FIL
Mother-in-law - MIL
Wife(oldest daughter) - Wife
Second daughter - Sarah
Third daughter - Lana
Fourth daughter - Ruth
Second daughter's husband - BIL
Third daughter's fiancee - Karl
My daughter - daughter
Second daughter's older son - Danny
Second daughter's younger son - Aaron
And me as me
I know this is long but bear with me TL;DR Brother-in-law has snapped the last straw for the family and we are all starting to cut ties with him

 BIL's family has their own side of the story that I'm barely familiar with, so it won't be brought up here. We first met BIL way before they got together; Sarah bought a house as a group of friends with her boyfriend at the time, and BIL and his second wife at the time. We didn't interact with him much. We just heard a few stories about him from their friend group. Eventually this situation broke down and BIL and his second wife left and vandalized Sarah's home on the way out. They let their dogs poop all over the floor, stole some miscellaneous items, poured water in their lawn mower gas tank, etc. He did this to Sarah, his future third wife. We thought this guy was out of our lives forever. Sarah eventually came to stay on my couch after she sold the house. She lived with me and my wife for roughly 3 months. Then she went and rented an apartment a few miles away. No sooner than a few weeks did we find out she was dating future BIL, and a few weeks after that we found she was pregnant. He met the family and stated that he wanted to be a part of it. He blamed all his past transgressions on his second wife. We questioned him at the time if he was still with his second wife. He said no, and that he was officially divorced. My wife looked up the public court records and found out that he didn't file divorce papers until 11 days after we asked that question. A small lie but considering our history of knowing him it was concerning. BIL is a big gun enthusiast. About 1 months after they told us Sarah was pregnant, while cleaning a gun at home he shot himself in the hand. Again, we were concerned but Sarah assured us he was a changed man and this was just an unfortunate accident. His hand healed but he didn't do his physical therapy that seriously so his hand is still kind of jacked up. I feel this is important because he kind of has a history of not following through on what he says. During Sarah's pregnancy we found out that BIL seriously beat one of their dogs back when they bought the house together. We also figured out he diagnosed himself with bipolar, but refused to go to a doctor to get an actual diagnosis. The whole family at the time was distracted by all of this because during Sarah's pregnancy my wife went through a major medical struggle that resulted in multiple surgeries and a months-long stay in the hospital. We were so focused on that the BIL details just kind of came and went at that moment. Sarah gave birth to Danny during COVID lockdown. We were so excited and we all were very active in Danny's life. Time would pass and we just kind of got used to BIL being despite the fact that he often would miss family events. BIL and Sarah would move into a house on my in-laws property just down the road from in-laws house. MIL became their primary caregiver as she could work it around her job and still make decent money. As 4 years have passed my MIL, FIL, Lana, my Wife and I all take shifts of watching their now 2 kids for them, for free. MIL also watches my daughter but significantly less that their son's. 2 years would pass after Danny was born and everything seemed OK. There would just be hints in they way he talked about who he really was. He would say something in casual conversation like "man, there seems like there are too many black people in commercials these days" or "I don't know why we are forcing women's sports to be a thing." Bigoted stuff like that, but veiled enough so there was plausible deniability. I would often call him out on it, so he really grew to not like me. This all changed at his 30th bday. He had a big party with a lot of alcohol and weed with dozens of friends. My wife and I didn't go because we are not party people. Lana and Ruth went to the party. Sarah was also there. During this party BIL went outside and decided to "mud" his jeep through the creek beside their house. This was possibly with Karl but I'm not sure of that to this day. Karl has recently come into the picture prior to this event and was previously friends with BIL for a long time. The jeep got stuck and flooded for obvious reasons. After trying to get it out of the creek by multiple means, they gave up and left it there. I believe it took almost 2 days to get it out. He went back to the party and as everyone got progressively drunk and high, my 2 sister-in-laws Lana and Ruth (I believe) criticized BIL for getting his car stuck in a creek while playing. BIL verbally assaulted them and demanded they get out of his house. They left in tears. They drove separately, and Lana had gotten buzzed so they both got in Ruth's car and drove to my house. They sat and vented to my wife and I for a while, and eventually I offered that we should go do something fun to take their minds off of it. My wife and I drove them to Taco Bell and we got some food and drove around town for a while and made jokes in the car. After they cooled off and were in a better mood they said that Lana needed to go get her car from the party. In a flurry she accidentally left her keys inside her sister's and BIL's house. We drove them over just in case anything sketchy happened but Lana and Ruth didn't want us to go inside, so we waited out in the car. She didn't think it would be a big deal to walk in, but as her and Ruth did BIL immediately got in her face and demanding she gets out or else. Ruth went to talk to someone else at the party and didn't notice this at first. BIL shoved Lana against a wall and held her there. Everyone apparently stood in stunned silence as this happened. He then shoved her to the ground, grabbed her around the ankles and started pulling her across the floor. As he was threatening to do even worse, Ruth ran up and jumped on his back and gave him a head lock. She screamed at him to stop but before BIL could anything about this everyone finally woke up and pulled them apart. Ruth helped Lana up and they ran out of the house onto the front porch sobbing. My wife saw this and got out of the car and yelled at them to get back in our car. We drove up to the in-laws house. By then it was past midnight. MIL was about an hour away working her job and FIL was up in his room asleep. The sisters went and woke him up and explained the situation through tears. They also called MIL to inform her of the situation. He got ready and ask me to go with him down to the house to get some answers. The sisters stayed up at the house. We drove down in his car and when we got out the entire party was ready for us and greeted us at the car. Literally over a dozen people, most of whom I did not recognize started screaming what happened at both of us simultaneously. Everyone was clearly very drunk. FIL looked overwhelmed, so I raised my hands and tried asking everyone to stop for a second and go one by one telling their bit of the story. BIL stopped me mid sentence and pointed his finger in my face. I noticed he had his other hand on a holstered hand gun. He yelled out "You don't have a say here! You're barely even part of this family." For context, I had been with my wife for over 11 years at that time and he hadn't even married Sarah yet and had been there about 2 1/2 years. FIL backed up and told me that I need to stop talking and that I was being a problem. I backed off and went over the yard to Sarah and Karl. I asked Sarah what happened and she told me that she didn't see what happened and that she wasn't very aware of what was going on now. Karl would barely answer the same question. I walked back over to FIL but he told me to back off and that I really wasn't needed there. Admittedly I felt pretty insulted and just decided to walk back to his house and get my car and go home with my wife. We eventually left after FIL came back to the house. We found out later that BIL had pulled his gun out and threatened to kill himself if FIL didn't leave. Out of fear of what he would do, my in-laws were pretty afraid to take action at this point. A lot of the situation was his word against someone else's and Sarah went on a tour around to the friends and convinced them not to take any of this to the police. She then tried to smooth things over with the family and offered that BIL would apologize to everyone. He then refused, stating that Ruth was the real aggressor and that she assaulted him. He eventually agreed to apologize to just FIL for causing a problem and I think some half-hearted apologies to Lana and Ruth. The whole situation was swept under the rug but an unease has existed over the family since then. He stopped coming to family events pretty much altogether. About 4 months after this situation, prior to my daughter being born, he told MIL he was going to bring Danny up to their house so she could watch him for a few hours while he took a nap. His job works long hours so this wasn't out of the ordinary. However, he didn't show up for a while and my MIL started questioning what going on. She called but there was no answer. She drove down to his house and knocked but there wasn't an answer, only Danny crying in the background. She let herself in and found BIL asleep on the couch with Danny actively trying to wake him up. MIL tried to wake him up but nothing for a few minutes. She gave up and wrote a note to let him know where Danny was. BIL didn't notice Danny was gone for 2 hours. He finally woke up, drove up to in-laws house, and yelled at my MIL for just taking Danny without informing him. He took Danny and then left. A few months after that, after my daughter was born, He fell asleep while watching Danny again. This time we found out because when he woke up the front door was open and Danny was gone. He called in-laws for help finding him. My in-laws have a large property (about 200 acres) with a ton of it forested. Danny wandered 1/4 of a mile into the woods and I believe it took roughly a little over an hour to find him. Family questioned him hard this time but he just recoiled back into their house and didn't talk to us much. Sarah continued to defend him and said it was just an accident. Again the police were not notified about any of this. There was always this idea that if we went to authorities about any of this they would just run for it. They would then surprise everyone with the news that they were pregnant again, despite the fact that Sarah had used the morning after pill. This whole time they hadn't married yet. They announced that they were getting married but Sarah told Lana that it was mostly just to help BIL not have to go through bankruptcy a second time. I wasn't sure if this would do anything to help that situation, but that's what Sarah said at one point leading up to the wedding. About a month before the wedding, however, he threatened Sarah that if she insisted on inviting my wife to the wedding he would demand to invite a friend of his that Sarah hated. This friend also used to date BIL I believe. This was his ploy to force Sarah to not invite my Wife or me. The 2 other sisters and MIL all stood in solidarity with us and said that they would also not go if we weren't invited. He eventually relented and they got married a little before Aaron was born. As more kids were added, MIL's childcare duties got much harder. Eventually my wife and I started paying her (not much but something at least. $150 a month) to watch our daughter, but we also did chores for her, bought her food often, and eventually my Wife started taking a few shifts to watch all 3 children. To date, BIL and Sarah have never compensated any of us for our work. It's a little frustrating but we've tried to understand because Sarah and BIL seem to be bad with money. They objectively make more than us yet can't afford to pay MIL anything. Last Thanksgiving, in the middle of dinner, Sarah and BIL decided to have an "intervention" and talk about how we were not treating BIL fairly. They addressed everybody but really honed in on me specifically. This seemed to be because the rest of the family kind of dance in eggshells around them, while to be frank I'm pretty honest about how I feel about them. They seemed to think I was causing the family to turn against him and questioned why I would do that. I told him he lacked humility. He said he didn't understand. I told him that if he admitted to his mistakes and actually apologized about any of the stuff I previously wrote, instead of blaming everyone and everything else then the whole family would feel a bit different about him. A lot of talk was about the 30th b-day and other times when I just ignored him and how he had already apologized about the party. I reminded him that he didn't apologize to most of the family and he blamed Ruth. He then stated that Ruth was the cause of a lot of the problems at that party. He also made a big deal about how the family doesn't trust him with my daughter and kept emphasizing how he has never held her. We finally tried to come to an agreement. I told him I would try to talk to him more and try to understand him better and he said he would try to come to family events more. He also wanted more of a relationship with my daughter. We left and my wife and I were skeptical but we said that if this is who Sarah really wanted to be with, as long as BIL wasn't perceived as a threat he could have more contact with our daughter. We have had way more of a relationship with his kids than he has had with our daughter so I tried to sympathize with that imbalance. Karl also stated later that having known BIL for a long time, he thought he was very sincere. To date, BIL has not asked or tried at any family events to spend any time with my daughter, despite having numerous opportunities. Now to the current situation. About a month ago Lana and Karl announced that Lana was pregnant. This was a revelation due to Lana having a medical condition that made it harder to get pregnant. A lot of excitement was brewing in the family because of this. Karl has been seeming like a good partner to Lana, and proposed to her a little before the pregnancy happened. This is especially pertinent because Lana and Karl moved into a house together right beside BIL and Sarah. A few days ago they were over at Sarah and BIL's house when an argument broke out between Sarah and BIL. BIL demanded that Sarah wasn't an "obedient enough wife" and that if she wanted there marriage to work then she was going to have to get better at serving him. She was upset and they weren't coming to an agreement so he was going to leave, but apparently he was very high so Sarah refused to give him the keys to his car. He got extremely mad and then got a gun, held it to his head, and threatened to kill himself if she didn't hand over the keys. Fortunately, Danny and Aaron were taking a nap during all of this. Sarah called the police during this whole exchange and the operator heard a lot of what BIL said over the phone so based on that they arrived at the house. He apparently drove away and it took the police a bit to find him but once they did he turned himself over. They admitted him to a mandatory 72-hour stay at a psychiatric ward for a mental health assessment. Sarah then came up to the rest of the family (not me or my Wife) and gave them Danny and Aaron. She then went and confided with Lana and Karl about how abusive BIL had been and how life was just miserable right now. A lot of us, especially Karl and my in-laws, were telling her that she needs to leave BIL and file for emergency custody of her children. She seemed to be listening to us and turning a corner, but inexplicably the psychiatric ward allowed BIL to have a phone call with Sarah and they had a long conversation. Suddenly, Sarah shut us all out and completely changed her story. She started defending BIL again. BIL was then let out of the psychiatric ward a day early. Since Karl was working at the time, Lana came to stay with us and then over at her in-laws. We are especially concerned about her safety around BIL due to her being pregnant. They have since cut nearly all contact with us for 4 days now. They have only told Karl that they were getting a new TV because the old one mysteriously broke somehow. They have continued to post on social media like nothing has happened. They have spent 2 days with BIL's family so we aren't sure what their opinion of this is, though we do know a sibling of his has also told Sarah to leave him prior to this latest situation. We don't know what their plans for childcare is because they are wholly reliant upon us. Lana is very reluctant to ever be home alone. Ruth is as well. There are so many other details I haven't mentioned. There have been holes in walls they've had to fix. There is some evidence that BIL is cheating on Sarah, but that evidence is somewhat inconclusive. The bigoted comments for a while now have gotten increasingly misogynistic. It's a lot of 'we need to respect proper gender roles' kind of stuff. There's just too much and I've already written a book on here. I don't really know what to do at this point. Because a lot of this stuff has been swept under the rug it's hard to tell how seriously CPS or police would take our claims. FIL has threatened to kick them out of their very cheap rental they're in now. Who knows what they would do in that scenario. I know this post is detailed and because of that BIL or Sarah might see it, but at this point I wonder if I even give a shit. They've already eluded to keeping their sons from us in the past and the vibes we are getting now is that they are already doing it. And from the bottom of my heart, fuck BIL. 

just curious how long it took for some people to figure out they may be on the spectrum and to get a diagnosis.
I'm 24 F and I've been seeing a psych for 5 years now who cannot figure it out, who keeps diagnosing me with adhd even tho the meds make symptoms worse. I have asked her to look into ASD but she just brushes over it... no one in my life ever pointed out behaviours or concerns to me about mental health, they just acted like it was normal bc it's just who I am. I didn't get help for anything until I pointed out social interactions were increasingly becoming more distressing in high school to my mom but when I didn't go back to therapy, it was like it never happened.
when I look back on my childhood, there are memories of me exhibiting signs and behaviors related to ASD. I guess I'm curious if anyone here got a diagnosis early in life or later on? did the diagnosis also help things in your day to day or was it the same?
thanks in advance and sending love to everyone on here 💕