My mom has a big reoccurring issue with binge drinking. From my understanding, she’s been an alcoholic since she was a teen. She’s gone to rehab at least five times that I’m aware of, but there’s a cycle. She’s sober, she thinks she can drink in moderation, she fails at drinking in moderation and drinks god knows how much secretly, has benders where she’s debilitated for days and my stepdad (or whoever her enabler is at the time) helps her wean/detox, then she works her way up to a horrible life decision. Second to last relapse she drove my sister and I a long distance while completely inebriated. Once we drove two hours and got stuck after she passed out in the car, the time before that we got lost in the middle of the desert and my mom lost custody of us temporarily. Then she goes to rehab and she stays sober for a couple years.
I’ve always forgiven her because I really love my mom.
This last bender she mixed a month supply of benzos with an ungodly amount of alcohol. She said she was suicidal and we finally got her to go with an ambulance after several days. I was TWO WEEKS postpartum. While most grandmas help their daughters adjust to having a new baby by helping her clean or cook or take the baby so mom can nap, I had my newborn with a genetic disease in the ER in a baby carrier trying to bar my mother from ripping out her IVs. She was so far gone she was incontinent. We thought she had permanent brain damage.
She went to rehab and she’s now been sober a year and a half. I’ve “forgiven” her but every time I talk to her it feels like I’m talking to a ghost. This has been her first relapse in my adult life. It’s my husbands first encounter loving an addict. I lost my father to addiction so this isn’t my first time going through this. I’m 25 years old and sometimes I feel like how my friends described being spiteful of their moms when we were teens. I haven’t felt this before.
I really feel I have limited time on earth with my mom because I don’t think she’ll survive another bender. I feel like I’m wasting my time mad at her when my time is so finite. I still really feel like I’m talking to a ghost. My sister has gone extremely LC. I just feel so alone, especially looking back at my postpartum experience. Should I just be grateful she’s sober and move on??? Am I wrong for having this on edge feeling of her being a ticking time bomb??

For (Australian) Mothers Day, my partner bought me a very generous gift card to a luxury spa.
$450
Very excited to use it, as since becoming a mother I do not get time to do nice things for myself all that much anymore, I booked in for the following week. I booked it for the day my daughter gets looked after by her nanny, as those are “my days”.
The spa called me a few days later to confirm the booking and take my gift card code from me. The spa treatment I was getting was worth $465 - made sense to go for the biggest and best treatment considering I had the gift card power to do so!
The girl on the phone books in it, then says “and have you seen our cancellation policy as outlined in your booking email?” I said no, so she explained - cancellation within 48 hours 30% charge, within 24 hours 100% charge.
I remember thinking that was a risky policy and I would have to pray there would be no reason I’d have to cancel with short notice or I’d be losing my whole voucher.
Well just my luck, the day before my appt my nanny calls in sick. We have no family support around and my nanny is the only person apart from my partner who minds our daughter. I immediately ask my partner if he can take any time off work because this place had a harsh cancellation policy. He said he couldn’t, but not to worry because they could just reschedule for the next day (when he could look after our daughter)
At the time I called, it was 18 hours before my appt. I explained our nanny called in sick meaning I’d have to stay home with my daughter and couldn’t make the appt anymore, could we reschedule?
The girl on the phone (who I could tell felt very uncomfortable) explained the policy and said we would have to charge you the full amount to reschedule.
“We’d have to pay $465 to move the appointment?!”
“Yes”
After my partner got involved and some heated words, they gave us the 30% charge instead, making my spa day a lovely $600+
I’m now not excited at all to go to this spa as it’s left such a bad taste in my mouth. We had to really fight for that 30%. I understand they “lose money” on my original day because we couldn’t make it, but my business is still there and willing to come. If they’d enforced the policy and just taken the value of the gift card from us, surely they understand people are going to be very upset and talk negatively about their business?
Of course many will say “the policy was outlined to you prior to confirming the booking, how can you be upset?” But genuinely ask yourself if you would be happy with being charged that much for something outside of your control? $465 to move your appt? Or just lose out entirely?
I’ve seen cancellation policies everywhere, and I have had to reschedule at places before with short notice, and not once has anyone ever actually charged me because I guess most businesses understand individual circumstances and have some leniency. 100% charge is just so harsh.

This might be a little long but the situation has alot of parts to it and iam dying for information on what to do so I can help my mother so please read if you know anything about wills. I appriciate anyone who can help me at all. So my grandmother passed away about 2 years ago. Before she passed away we found out my aunt who had access to my grandmother's bank cars had been stealing and taking hundreds of dollors everyday out of her bank account so her rent at the extended care where she was, was bouncing. My aunt and her daughter where also living in my grandma's house at this time. No rent or pad rent to pay just using my grandmother's money for whatever they wanted. Risking the chances of my grandmother having to leave extended care. My aunt also spent all the money that went into my grandmothers account when she was in the hospital. When we told my grandmother this she called to tell my aunt she needed to leave her house but she never answered and she wouldn't listen to us. Just freaked out every time and would gaslight and try to manipulate the situation. My aunt hadn't answered the phone for the next year and just upped and changed the locks on my grandmother's house without permission so my grandmother couldn't even get in when we took her there. My grandmother took my aunt off the bank account and gave control to my mom. My grandmother passed away a year later in extended care. We were so close and I miss her terribly. She had a will that said the trailer & property was to be sold and the debt was to be paid and then the rest split between my mother and aunt. My aunt refuses to move or put the trailer up for sale. I have tried to figure out what to do and have gone to are court house to ask and they don't give us any useful numbers to call. The numbers they told us to call are all useless. My aunts hardly been paying the taxs and has 2 of her children living there and they still can't seem to pay the only thing they need to. I'd just like some info to help my mother get this will complete with my grandmothers last wishes. Please please help any info or help would be so appreciated. Thank you.

Context is at the end of this post __________________________________________________
In the stormy northern seas lies the island of Amaria. Under the polar lights in cold forests live the descendants of the once great Varaki, who in turn followed the mammoth herds across the steppes for countless eons. These are the gods and spirits of this land. They live in every tree, every lake, every star, deep below the ocean and beyond the polar lights in four domains.
The underworld, a place of transition between life, death and rebirth. It was made after the creation of the material to help souls find their way back to life. The spirits of this domain all take the shape of dragons with red eyes and golden patterns.

• Räkimarak: Lord of the underworld and of all its riches. Every stone, flint and gems alike, belong to him. A great violet dragon with enormous antlers. He reviews the lives of all that died and guides them to the new lives they deserve. Father of all dragons of the underworld.
• Idaka: Wife of Räkimarak, goddess of love and beauty. She resides at the darkest place, where her light shines the brightest. A violet dragon with a frill and wings of red rose petals with golden patterns. She stands for all encompassing unconditional love and reunites loving souls in their next lives. Mother of all dragons of the underworld.
• Kimorak: Firstborn son of Räkimarak and Idaka, guide of souls who escorts the souls of the dead into the underworld. A great black dragon with golden horns. Every mortal he touches sees and feels their life in great detail from the point of view of those they affected. In the process, mortals always see something they need to see.
• Galorak: Lord of caves and their denizes, bats. A small black dragon with bat ears and a bat nose. Caves are entrances to the underworld and bats are its sacred animals. They are not to be harmed. But since they are also messengers of death, one must keep a safe distance. Don't disturb the bats or Galorak may convince his older brother to take you too soon.
• Letorak: Messenger of the underworld. A small black dragon with golden antlers. Whenever Kimorak takes a soul, they often have something to tell their loved ones. Something they didn't have the time or the courage to say in life. It is Letorak's task to convey these messages through dreams.
• Vhedurak: The white dragon who heals souls between death and rebirth, so they don't take wounds from one life to the next.
• Ohnarak: Craftsman of the underworld. A great yellow dragon who can make anything out of the riches of this realm.
• Vahirak: Builder of the underworld. A great brown dragon with antlers he can use to dig new caves or cover up old ones as needed.
• Voomarak and Vothorak: The great hunters keeping the underworld free of demons preying on scared souls. Two emerald dragon who can turn invisible. The younger brother Voomarak has golden horns and is also the patron of boys and unmarried men. The older brother Vothorak has great golden antlers and is also the patron of married men.
• Mokorak, Kaharak, Roporak and Sukorak: The four golden-headed red dragons guarding the entrances to the underworld. Mokorak has the ears and nose of a bat, Kaharak has four horns, Roporak great antlers and Sukorak the wings and feathers of a swan.
• Tathorak: The great beast, god of violence and bloodshed, the only dragon of this realm who is not a son of Räkimarak and Idaka. A huge gray dragon with three heads, three tails and three pairs of wings. The most powerful beast in the cosmos, but devoid of empathy or understanding. He is imprisoned at the second deepest, darkest point of the underworld, where he guards the only being living even deeper below, the Nameless One.

The boundaries. This is the realm of souls and spirits, dreams and nightmares, the skies and oceans and all waters deep and shallow. This domain has existed before time even began. It is endless and timeless.

• Kavijohka: The moon, a great silver dragon with glowing teal eyes. Sister of Räkimarak and goddess of wisdom, cunning and battle.
• Vellamun: The ocean, husband of Kavijohka, a great blue dragon with red eyes and golden patterns. God of the unknown and lord of all waters. Sometimes, he stretches his hands out to land, creating bogs and swamps.
• Lukilan: The morning star, son of Kavijohka and Vellamun. He is the lightbringer who gives people the power of sight. An azure dragon with emerald eyes and a golden morning star on every scale and a third eye on his forehead.
• Sojulan: The great traveller, son of Kavijohka and Vellamun, a black dragon with red eyes and the neck and wings of a black swan. He travels between the waters, land and air and protects all fellow travelers.
• Turikan: Lord of storms, thunder and lightning. The loudest and most unruly son of Kavijohka and Vellamun. A blue dragon with red eyes and a golden lightning pattern on his scales. His tail is like a hammer, hurling lightning bolts at the ground as he roars.
• Lumika: Goddess of magic, daughter of Kavijohka and Vellamun, a silver dragon with teals eyes and scales shimmering with polar lights. She continues in the footsteps of her mother.
• Ilunika: Goddess of grief, daughter of Kavijohka and Vellamun, a silver dragon with teal eyes and the neck and wings of a black swan. She travels to and from the world of the living and the dead to take the grief of letting go upon her. Whenever she crosses the boundary, she has to go through the ocean and that is where tears comes from. That is why they are salty.
• Avastaja: The great trickster. A shapeshifter, usually appearing with the attributes of a barn owl. Most often as an owl-headed human or a fox/dragon with the head and wings of an owl. The youngest child of Kavijohka and Vellamun who defies all boundaries, uses the powers of all his/her siblings (except for Ilunika, because Avastaja has standards) to protect the jesters and jokers. But he/she is also a scolar and explorer, who uses Lukilan's light to find new ways to mess with people.
• Aiwana: Wife of Avastaja and goddess of memory. A shapeshifter, usually taking the same shape as her husband/wife Avastaja. She paints everything she sees into the skies and caves of Amaria and lives in every single one of the most sacred objects of all Amaria, the fairy memory stones. But Avastaja is rubbing off on her and sometimes, she plays tricks on you.
• The Ashirana: Goddesses of the arts, each of which has its own Ashiran patron. One for painters, wood carvers, musicians and for storytellers.

The world of the living. This is our material world.

• Kadath: The sun, greatest of all dragons with shining golden scales and golden eyes. God of justice who sees all... during the day that is. At night, his sister Kavijohka rules and she has a different idea of justice. Sometimes, she tries to turn the day to night, causing an eclipse. But in the end, Kadath always wins these confrontations. Especially when people light fires and cheer him on.
• Inari: Mother nature, goddess of life and all plants and animals. A great green dragon with wings and a frill made of flowers. She provides all food, but only as long as nature is in balance. Unlike her husband Kadath, Inaro does not care about justice, only balance. Those who anger her are punished mercilessly, no matter how long it takes, sometimes more than they deserve.
• Ilmania: Goddess of healing, firstborn daughter of Kadath and Inari. She was the first fairy, a tall woman with long pointy ears. Her descendant, although far shorter, are still endowed with her healing powers and compassion.
• Vrila: Protector of the home and hearth, patron of married women and the goddess of affectionate familiar love between equals. Secondborn daughter of Kadath and Inari. A woman, always accompanied by a cat and carrying a sling. The weapon of a lady, which requires skill and finesse instead of strong arms and can be more deadly than a bow in the right hands.
• Aria: Protector of girls and unmarried women, goddess of erotic love. A young woman with hair reaching to her ankles. She often reincarnates among mortals for fun. That is why the Amarians do not look down on women looking for fun. They might be dealing with a goddess in disguise.
• Mahaseta: The great white mammoth, goddess of the old world of Varaki. She and Inari together created dogs to protect humanity from dangers of the material and other worlds. All forest elephants and mammoths are her children and as such, sacred. But she was not born a goddess. Mahaseta was born a human. When Avastaja wanted to prove to the others that the material world and humanity are worth preserving, he appeared to Mahaseta in the most terrifying form and ordered her to sacrifice one of her own children to him. But Mahaseta refused. First she begged for the lives of all her children, then she offered her own life instead and when Avastaja refused, she spat in his face. No punishment could be worse than having to murder your own child. With these words, Mahaseta ascended to godhood.
• Retaro: Son of Mahaseta, who became a god by his mother's love. A great white tiger with blue eyes. Guardian of Amaria, lord of the forests and god of the hunt.
• Red Lady and Blue Knight: Also known as the Blue Lady and Red Knight. A pair of lovers who find each other in every new life they are born into. Living as mortals, they are the paragons of loyalty for all Amarians.

Evil. This is not actually a domain, but a state of mind. A very lonely one.

• The Nameless One: God of Evil, who goes by many false names. He lures mortals in with impossible promises to make them do his bidding. The Nameless One orders blood sacrifice and the killing of those who disobey him. He demands to worshiped and praised every day and is jealous of all those gods who receive praise without asking for it. Thus, the Nameless One also seeks to be the only one. No matter the cost to everyone else or even himself.

__________________________________________________
Context: I am currently working on a stone age fantasy novel and I'm sooo close to finishing it, but the last couple chapters are taking longer than expected. It's set on a forested island named Amaria\ at a time when people are making their first steps towards sedentary life and domestication** of plants and animals. Here is the pantheon I worked out for the Amarians.*
You can read my novel for free on Wattpad and Inkitt. I am planning to publish it on Royal Road too. If you know any other platform that might be good for fantasy stories, feel free to tell me.
\Amaria is short for "Amara Aria", which translates to "Gift of the gods/spirits". Aria means gift and Amara is the plural of Amar. The term Amar can not be literally translated into English. It's an umbrella term for all sorts of nature spirits, gods as well as entities one might compare to angels or saints. So it refers to a person with transcendent characteristics and always carries positive connotations.*
\*Dogs have been domesticated by the ancestors of the Amarians for tens of thousands of years already and are central to their culture. It is believed that they have the same souls as humans, so eating a dog would be considered cannibalism. So far the only other note on domestication I have in the books is the pruning of hazelnut trees to get more nuts. That's something I will change in later drafts. Nightshades will be far more important to the civilization emerging on Amaria in the coming millennia.*

My (22, lesbian) life is over i think. I live at home, with my parents. My mom discovered a weed vape i kept in my room. Shes extremely disappointed. I had a very rough past 4 years after graduating high school in 2020 due to my dad's sickness and I was doing community college, and got my associates. there is more context about my life on my page.
First, they are disappointed in me for not going straight to a 4 year university. Except i did, i just flunked out after 1 semester because of how bad my mental health was with my dad and covid. My parents dont know about my sexuality. They would be livid if they did. They also dont know about my atheism.
Im not muslim, and I dont know what my mom is gonna think. My dad will probably just beat my ass. My mothers reaction is gonna kill me. She's gonna sit and sob in front of me about how terrible of a daughter I am and how she doesnt know what went wrong. She'll probably say "i left my family when i was 14 and you do drugs?????" and god It will destroy me.
I try my best. She grew up in literal war and led a very hard life. Islam brings her comfort. It has only brought me pain. that is the reason she uses whenever i bring up why im acting out. I cant believe in a god the way everyone else can. I wish i could. If i could believe in Allah then i would.
For those who will tell me to move out: i am working on it. I need to finish my bachelors, and im going back to university in august, so that is still a ways away. my goal is to keep saving up and do well in school for the next two years so that I could leave for grad school. I love my parents but i just wish they werent so traditional.
For more context: i am very new to the concept of my parents not always being right, and new to atheism. I see a therapist weekly to undo the damage they did on me. I have a plan for leaving, but I just wanted to complain about this all to people, since everyone I know irl are all muslim.

I’m filling out my renewal form and a lot of information is incorrect. They have my daughter marked as male, that I’m still pregnant?, that I’m still on my mothers insurance, among other things as well.
Apparently they had 2 different accounts for me, one from when I was on my mothers, and then one for myself once I became pregnant.
I’m worried because I didn’t realize I needed to contact them when I changed jobs (I was still pregnant, and still met the income requirements) and now I’m confused on if I need to add my boyfriend who does live with us but isn’t on my tax form. Needless to say he wasn’t on my paper before the renewal and I’m so worried I’m going to get into trouble for these mistakes on my forms.

I'm sure it's mostly in jest but this article in Volume One really made me sad...as a young parent I often feel like I can't take my daughter places as a lot of EC is college students, which is great but can get rowdy for a 4 year old. I think it's wonderful that we have so many local places where kids can be kids, like the Y or the pool. I also feel like we have so many clubs and places for adults to hang out.
I just don't get the hostility here and it makes me feel like I'm not welcome here as a young mother.

Wasn’t sure what to tag this… it’s a lot of real sad shit… A little background. My husband’s cousin “Chad” and his wife “Karen” got pregnant around October of last year. Chad has 2 daughters Alexis (16) and Sarah (14). Chad married Karen a few years ago. Karen is an absolute witch. She treats Alexis and Sarah like shit. She literally told Alexis that she can’t wait for her and Sarah to turn 18 and get tf out. Literally the evil step mom. I could go on. Anyways, Alexis got pregnant at 16 and the boyfriend is still around. They’re a sweet couple. Alexis’s daughter “Gracie” is now 13months But this takes place during Christmas this past year. We were at a family gathering and Baby Gracie was JUST learning to walk. Alexis leaves the room to go socialize with grandma and her mom and other cousins. That’s when Sarah starts treating Gracie like a literal toy. She is RUNNING across the floor dragging Gracie by her arms! And screaming SHES RUNNING LOOK AT HER GO. My mother in law is telling her “Sarah. She is not running you are dragging her!” Meanwhile. Chad and Karen are LAUGHING AT THIS. I was already pissed. Then Sarah gave Gracie a MASSIVE chunk of banana and Gracie started to gag really hard and then Chad is like “HA HA HA ARE YOU OKAY GRACIE!!!” Karen is laughing at this as well. Mind you THESE ARE THIS SWEET LITTLE BABY’S GRAND PARENTS. Then the great grandma comes and takes Gracie and starts JUMPING ALL OVER WITH HER. Like jostling her to the point where shaken baby syndrome was a serious concern. I was livid. I couldn’t believe the absolute magnitude of negligence that had taken place in front of me. I about got up and yelled at them. And Alexis was PISSED AF when she found out. Well. Cut to a few months later just before Easter and Chad and Karen have a miscarriage. And when I tell you, I’ve never had such horrid thoughts… I was so disgusted with myself for being happy they miscarried. Bc all I could think about was how that little boy was going to grow up in such an insane place where treating babies like toys is normal and raised by two terrible people. I have been struggling to conceive myself so I felt horrible for this. But at the same time my husband felt the same way and said that none of them except Alexis are allowed to hold our future kids or he will flip his kid. Anyways. I feel horrible to this day about it. I didn’t actually go to Easter bc of this. And according to my husband they treated Gracie the same way at Easter. I would not have held back my anger with them then… TLDR. half of my husbands family think abusing babies is okay then the woman miscarries and I have 0 sympathy for her.

So, I (F38) was the only one at my parents home for a couple of weeks while they were on an out of country trip in March so I could house-sit and pet-sit their two cats and two dogs, while also keeping up on my college studies. We were having nasty weather the entire time the folks were gone and it's not uncommon that the weather might affect, or even knock out internet signal. Our neighbor is in her early 50s. I'll call her Jean. Some months ago, she had a roommate move in who is in her late 40s/approaching her 50s. I will call her Lisa.
During this stormy weather, Lisa texted me and asked me if our internet was working and if so, could she connect to it for the night because like me, she is doing college courses online and was in the middle of homework and could not get her laptop to connect back to theirs or get theirs to reset. I figured it was just the storm had knocked theirs out so I said, "Okay.But that password doesn't go to anyone else and please reconnect to yours when you get it back on." She agreed and thanked me. That was the second week of March.
This week and last week, the internet has been especially slow and that has been a seemingly increasing issue. Now, while I don't think it's solely due to anyone else using it, it did make me wonder if Lisa had ever got it switched back over. I had just assumed she did and didn't give it a second thought at the time. I shot her a text and asked her last night if she had switched back over to their internet or if, by chance, was she still using ours. It was late but as she is up late at night a lot and I could see the light still on where her bedroom window is from mine, I had sent it anyway. Almost immediately, I received the read receipt, but no response.
So, I mentioned the whole thing to my folks and told them I was pretty sure she just keeps using our internet. They were understandably irritated about it too so I went ahead and changed the password to our wifi, got all our devices at home logged back in and went to bed. Almost 7 hours later, I get a reply in which Lisa claimed she had just seen the message, that SHE hadn't been using our internet and had just been relying on her mobile Hotspot on her phone to connect her laptop to, but that Jean had been using it for their TV but "I guess you don't want us to have it since you changed the password."
Now, I really like Jean a lot and she has been super kind and helpful when our family has needed it and we try to do the same in return.
Jean has told us Lisa had agreed to a monthly rent amount but hasn't paid since the first month and keeps saying she has a check coming and the she'll pay Jean. Lisa does not contribute to grocery money. She doesn't contribute any rent so she isn't helping with bills and last we knew, the only thing she WAS covering was the internet bill. Lisa's boyfriend 'Greg' stays over for a few days a week and spends all day and night with her. He doesn't contribute to bills either and Jean has been absolutely stressed out over being the only one working. On top of all that, she never gets a break because on her days off from work, Jean's daughter drops her granddaughter off (and often in the afternoons after she gets out of work and her granddaughter gets out of school, too).
I ignored Lisa's message and after the folks got up, I told them about it. They agreed that considering "for the night" had been over 2 months and no one had asked if they could just use out internet for a while, she has no reason to send something so arrogant.
However, a couple of hours later, my mother says she thinks we just need to give Jean the new password because she has done a lot for us and she is dealing with so much stress because of Lisa and that if having our internet helps her out, then we should. I said I understand that but I AM concerned that if they give her the new one, it will wind up being given to Lisa, to Jean's daughter and her friend that hangs out there frequently.
I am POSITIVE that Lisa either told Jean that she was still paying for internet service and just told her what network to connect to or she told Jean that we said they could just use ours if rhey couldn't get their own and I don't know which. Whichever it was, Lisa lied. I HATE being lied to and I HATE being nice or helpful to someone and they take advantage of it. Now, with their concern about adding stress to Jean and being unfair to her, my folks have since changed their mind and think I'm being TAH and are even making excuses for Lisa now, suggesting I started up an issue. They gave the new PW to Jean (which again, I see nothing wrong with) knowing it will likely be given to Lisa again and that just feels like awarding bad behavior.
So reddit, AITAH?

I (30F) have always had a rocky relationship with my parents. Being the only child, I had to play therapist and dealt with their helicopter parenting. I was never able to sustain emotional connections and friendships due to me not being able to hang out with friends, etc.
My mother's rule was "friends need to stay at school." I was not allowed to wear certain clothing. I wanted to wear skirts and dresses (when i first wore one, it resulted in a 4 day fight and silent treatment). Never was allowed to go out or just simple dates until I begged and cried to let me go. Never was able to have a relationship until 22, and that was a shitshow in the start as well.
I was, however, in school clubs and could get away with it because it counted towards school credits and would help me get some scholarships.
My dad would let me have some freedom as he pushed me to go on a school trip overseas (chaperoned by school staff) through a HS program. My mom had issues initially but didn't say much as my dad was on my side. My dad sometimes would agree with her just to agree or get influenced as well on certain things because she then would give him a silent treatment as well.
Anyway, I wanted to get a job as I was transitioning from HS to college, and again, it was a huge thing. She convinced my father that it was a bad decision that I worked. And won't focus on school. Mind you was a honor roll student throughout HS. I was able to get my first job again through a loophole at school where I could also get credits for working if my supervisor gave me good evaluations and got paid. I didn't get my driver's license until later on, so she would have to drop and pick me up EVERYWHERE, so i rushed to finally get one. I wanted to move away for college thinking that I would be able to have more freedom, but then they moved with me to save money on room and board. I would sometimes have evening classes, and sometimes, my mother would stand outside if I was even a little late from college (I am 21 at this point) coming back. Couldn't make new friends at school, had to beg my mom let me go out so friendships would always fall out.
I learned quickly that the only way I could get control over my life is my moving out. So I got a full time job (another huge issue) when I was in my last year of college, I started applying like crazy to be in a different cities to get my food in the door for my career. And I was able to get a job and move away.
A thing to note is that I had to do this quickly when my mother was out of the country. Otherwise, as always, it was going to be a huge issue. She had a huge problem with it, of course, once she found out and kept telling my father to stop me (he was not with her when she was out of the country). It was all like "why she always like this? Why can't she sit still at home?"You are letting her get in trouble," etc. My dad was whatever, as he didn't think I would actually get the job, but I did. I still remember they thought the offer letter was fake and tried to verify it. It was legit, and so I moved.
Soon, my bf moved in with me to the new city (another problem initially). But it died down a lot, and she toned down her behavior whenever he would be around. Image is a huge thing for her.
But still would still take jabs under the table (like when i got a small tattoo and colored my hair). I ignored it because if she was direct about it, I didn't want to address it.
The final straw that broke me was last week, I had been in contact with some friends that I made who also moved away for college, etc. This was a friend who kind of understood me as her mother was like that too, but she moved to be next to her father and away from her mom.
So she suggested that we can go to a festival together since she just finished her masters degree. I was elated and said yes. I am currently in my masters program, so I felt I deserved a little break.
Also, through therapy I realized that my relationship with my bf was very codependent and clingy and we have had problems due to that a lot so I wanted to work on myself and do my own things to get better to be more emotionally independent.
I mentioned it to her that I am thinking of going to the festival to another country depending on time off and money.
She kept asking where I didn't tell her where because I sensed it was going somewhere.
She started by saying if I asked my bf if he was okay with me going. Recently, I have noticed she usually says that when I do something, she doesn't agree with it, and when i say he has no problem with it doesn'tseem to digest well with her. I told her first I don't need permission, and second, he is okay with it as he will be with his friends.
Then she got furious and said that no, I can't go and if I did she would never talk to me again. I was confused because this is not someone I met like online like 2 days ago. It was actually one of my best friends in middle and HS school that I had before we both moved away and kept contact through the phone. Also, I am 30 freaking years old.
She then continued that if I had to go, it would have to be with my bf only. I told her that was ridiculous and I was not asking for permission or money. I was just informing her, and then she lectured me about always starting something new, and one day, I would get in trouble, etc. and lose my job and everything.
So I went off on her and asked exactly what the problem was. Why did she always had an issue with everything. She has been emotionally unavailable throughout my childhood, pushed me away when I needed her, and used me as a catharsis whenever issues occurred between her and my father. When i would confront my father, she would quickly switch sides, leaving be baffled. If I used to cry, she would tell me I was faking it with crocodile tears. She has no friends so I still let it go and talked to her because at the end of the day I feel guilty and now I am an adult and still didn't want a strained relationship with her.
TLDR: My mother who has always been controlling, told me, a 30 year old that if I traveled with anyone other than my bf she won't talk to me again as I would get myself in trouble. I feel guilty for giving the silent treatment to her as I have always been the one that reaches out first after these situations. How do I cope with this feeling? I have been thinking that maybe I was in the wrong and should just talk to her, apologize, and tell her I am not going.

I need some clarity I guess because I feel like I am going insane with this whole situation. Also, on mobile, english is my first language but I still suck at it.
My sister (37) and I have never had a good relationship. She was my worst bully growing up and even into adulthood. My parents never saw it as she convinced them I was just a liar amd exaggerated for attention. While I was in high school, she had a child with her deadbeat drug addict bf(now ex & he is clean). My younger sister and I sacrificed our whole summer to be live in nannies (moreso me) while my sister worked. Her kiddo was like a daughter to me and would cry when she couldn't see us often enough. I love her with every fiber of my being and I have been active in her life still to this day.
Now, I(30) have my own kiddo. Sister has only spent time with LO a handful of times and never alone without my niece or my mom present. After a particularly explosive bday celebration for niece, I refuse to let sister to be around LO. Sister is now shocked Pikachu face that I won't let her see LO at all. She told my mother that she has always been good to LO so she doesn't understand why she can't see LO and she never limited my access to my niece so she has every RIGHT to be in her life.
Unfortunately my own mother doesn't agree with my boundaries to not let sister be around LO. She follows them, but doesn't agree. Every time my LO is with parents for a weekend, my mom lays it on thick that it's hard not to be able to take her to my sister's house and to just "make it easier on [her]"
Am I insane? How should I approach this with my parents/sibling? Am I truly doing right by my kiddo or just being dramatic?
Birthday fiasco:
LO was only grabbing onto the yellow rocks on this play scape, sister told her to grab the other colors. I, in a normal tone, said "It's alright, she's got this." Sister got pissed at this and went off on me, calling me a cunt and said "this is why everyone is dying to get away from you"
My father died and sister blamed me for his death. LO's father died and i already blame myself for it but sister blamed me too. 3 days after he died, my sister got pissed that I refused to move back in with my parents and said that I would become a drug addict and lose custody of my child because I am weak and wouldn't be able to handle ACTUAL life.

Machaon woke up, another day under the dimly lit, haze choked skies of his home world of Barbarus. As always, he got dressed, had a meager breakfast, put on his gas mask and ventured out into the toxic air to check on his crops. His father had spent a long time trying to create a strain of their main food crop so that it could resist the toxic environment of the upper levels of Barbarus, and allow more food to be grown. His father always said that they were “working today so others can eat tomorrow.” Unfortunately, his father passed away many years ago, but Machaon continued his work in earnest, doing his best to accomplish his father’s dream.. And based on the growing stalks of healthy looking crops, he had succeeded. He performed a more thorough inspection on the stems and leaves of the budding vegetables, and wrote down everything he saw in his journal. Years of his family’s work finally come to fruition.
Next on his to do list was to check the herbal garden his mother had grown. He had taken care of it when his mother was unable to, due to a debilitating sickness. The garden had a few different varieties of medical herbs, including hawthorn, lavender, aloe, and peppermint along with a mix of herbs for cooking. He checked the stems and leaves of the plants, making sure all of them were healthy, once more writing his findings in his journal. Confident all his plants were healthy, he closed his notebook and made his way to the local herbalist he was being mentored by. Machaon had spent time with a local herbalist to try and learn how to make herbal remedies to cure his mother’s sickness, and the older gentlemen needed help with certain things around his house. In exchange for his expertise, Machaon provided some of his own herbs and some extra food since the older gentleman had trouble growing enough food to feed himself.
Machaon knocked on the door, hearing a gas mask sealing and a cantankerous older gentleman call out “I don’t appreciate interruptions to my work! Best be something important!” A few seconds later, the herbalist came to the door wearing a load of protective equipment, something that seemed a little out of place for an herbalist, swinging it open. “What do ya wan — oh hey kid, come on in.” The old man opened the door, hobbling back into his abode.
Machaon walked in, taking a look around the place. It was a mess like it always was, but the old man did have his own system of organization. Calling it a system of organization was a stretch, but Machaon couldn't convince him to change his ways, so he gave up on convincing him and focused on his herbalist and apothecary training. Pushing that thought from his mind, he put on his herbalist protective gear and got ready to start the day’s training regiment. The old man looked at him, smiling “You ready kid?”
Machaon looked at his journal, stocked with papers and writings, now old and worn. He was in his thirties now, and most people he knew and cared for had passed on. His mother died not too long after he finally made a chemical resistant strain of crops, and his herbalist mentor had passed a few years after, finally having accomplished his life goal. Wiping a tear from his eye, Machaon wiped a tear from his eye, closed his journal and went on his usual ritual of checking on his plants and documenting strange things. Once he finished, he changed into his apothecary attire and shouldered his backpack full of supplies. His apothecary goal was to keep tackling the disease outbreak that had popped up nearby. A village a few days ago in the valley east of his abode had sent missives asking for medical aid, as a small portion of their population had been confined to their homes with fevers and coughs, with the occasional victim with boils on the skin. He had been working to quell it these last few days, but he was not sure if he was going to be able to completely stop it before it spread outside his control. Unfortunately, he would never be able to find out. As he began to take care of his ill patients in the sick house, he heard the sounds of a ship outside, and the clanking of boots. Something was up, and he was certainly not about to surrender his patients to whatever was outside.
Machaon walked outside, a simple pistol holstered on his hip. He may be an apothecary, but he could deal just as much hurt as he could heal. And he certainly wasn't going to run away when he had people in his stead, people that could spread infection and kill even more people. However, he soon found that his pistol would do nothing against the new arrivals. A military officer of some kind, along with some soldiers had formed up outside the sick house, the officer wearing what seemed to be an imperial army officers uniform, a green patch with three green skulls on the shoulder. The officer approached him, and began to read from a data slate. “Apothecary Machaon Strakos, on the order of Primarch Mortarion, daughter of the Emperor of Mankind, head of the Death Guard Adeptus Astartes legion, you are to be transferred to the Endurance, the Primarch flagship, for apothecary duty. You have one hour to gather your belongings.”
Machaon tried to protest, “With all due respect sir, I have patients to take care of, otherwise they’ll die.”
The Imperial Army officer looked at him with disdain. “If you do not comply peacefully, I will be forced to make you comply.” The soldiers next to him aimed their lasguns at him at the same time, their faces cold and icy.
Machaon knew that his ‘forced compliance’ would hurt his patients more than him leaving peacefully. “As you wish, officer. I will collect my supplies and return shortly.” He then returned to the interior of the sick house, gathering all his supplies into his backpack, along with the seeds for his plants. He didnt want to leave his people, but he didnt have much of a choice. A young girl who was laying on a cot by the door asked him, “Mister, where are you going?”
He wanted to tell her the truth, but he knew that wouldn't help. So he did the next best thing he could do, and he kneeled down next to her cot. “Well young lady, I’m going to take care of another group of people who need my help. There’s a lot of them, and the man outside needs my help to do it. I know you all are in good hands, so I’m going to save the people who aren’t in good hands. Feel better young lady.” He said, giving her a flower from his garden as he stood up and left. He didn't really believe what he said, at least not entirely. He would be helping people, but not the way he wanted, not on his own terms. Nevertheless, he would do his duty to his planet and his people.
Machaon walked outside the sick house and found the officer. “Officer, I’m ready.”
The Imperial Army officer looked at him coldly. “Then get on. We must reach the ship before the fleet takes off for the next expedition.” He and his soldiers then got on Stormhawk, and Machaon made sure to follow close behind them. The doors shut, and the engines roared to life, taking the ship off the ground and into space. Shortly after, they arrived in the hangar of the Endurance, and the Imperial Army company that escorted him departed, and Machaon followed quickly, not wanting to be left in the huge ship.
When he stepped out of the Stormhawk, he saw a virtual city of people working, repairing and refueling ships, unloading cargo, and new recruits moving deeper into the ship. It was certainly more people than he had ever seen in his life, but it did not phase him. He knew that whatever they were calling him for would have been big, especially if it was being led by a daughter of the Emperor. He followed the Imperial Army officer further into the ship, until they arrived at the barracks section of the ship. The Imperial officer told him simply “These are your quarters. Find a bunk.” Then he left.
Machaon was not particularly impressed with the lodging, but decided it was better to secure a spot rather than leaving it to chance. Once he found a spot, he laid down his items that were not essential to his duties as an apothecary, kept whatever else he had on his and tried to make his way to the apothecary chamber. Having no idea where everything was, he asked directions, and eventually after nearly an hour, found his way to the apothecary chamber and began to set out his equipment and find a place to grow his herbs. He knew he would need them for the battles ahead,wherever they may be.

For context, I've been a faithful Mormon believer all of my life until the age of 45+. I live in Layton since 2003. I stopped attending in 2013, and my children (minors at the time) happily stopped attending too. I formally resigned in 2017. Haven't put a foot in a Mormon building of any kind in more than a decade. Haven't attended a Mormon tEmpLe in at least 15 years.
A week ago my youngest daughter, now a young adult who just finished her semester in AZ, came to spend a week with me before going to the East coast to spend summer with her mother. While I've answered all her questions about Mormonism whenever she has asked throughout the years, she doesn't remember much about it because the whole family stopped attending shortly after she was baptized. She was instantly curious when I mentioned the new monstrosity built in our hometown. Knowing it is still in its "open house" period I offered to go and visit it.

• We had to park at one of several designated parking lots several blocks away from the actual building. A shuttle picked the small crowd gathered there and took us to the disproportionate structure.
  
• The tour was procedural. Guides (which were Mormon volunteers of all ages, almost all of them looked hopelessly bored) were stationed all along the route inside the building's corridors to direct visitors in the approved directions.
  
• Short speeches were read or recited in certain parts. Known tropes were repeated (like the mirrors symbolizing eTeRnItY, etc). Something that resembled a Mormon testimony was said at one of the sealing rooms by a couple using the expected baby fundie voice (my daughter looked obliquely at me during that part with a cringe expression in her face).
  
• Many paintings on the walls representing a white Jesus talking, blessing, embracing, carrying, etc ethnic people, which is an obvious effort at ingratiating after more than a century of institutionalized racism.
  

Once the shuttle left us at our original parking lot and we were free from earshot, I asked my daughter what her impressions were. She thought for a few seconds and said "It was like a rich person bragging. Just showing off luxury." Then we engaged in a very refreshing conversation about the Mormon motivations for such a extravagant (and inexcusable) opulence, etc.
On my part, visiting a Mormon tEmpLe after a 15+ year hiatus allowed me to perceive it with fresh eyes, heart, mind; and (more importantly) with richer criteria. My impression is this: it felt like a one inch deep attempt at sacredness; a superficial attempt to display the image of spirituality through expensive materialism. There was no substance within those walls. No history, no content, no god, no love. Just expensive marble and expensive wood and expensive carpet. It was... an empty building.
Any Catholic cathedral, any museum, any library has so much more substance, content, essence, meaning than the ostentatious building we visited last week.
This is my report.

Delivering the commencement address to the graduating seniors at Morehouse College today, President Joe Biden addressed the nation. After thanking the mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, and all the people who helped the graduates get to the chairs in front of the stage, Biden recalled Morehouse’s history. The school was founded in 1867 by civil rights leader Reverend William Jefferson White with the help of two other Baptist ministers, the Reverend Richard C. Coulter and the Reverend Edmund Turney, to educate formerly enslaved men. They believed “education would be the great equalizer from slavery to freedom,” Biden said, and they created an institution that would make the term “Morehouse man” continue to stand as a symbol of excellence 157 years later. Then Biden turned to a speech that centered on faith. Churches talk a lot about Jesus being buried on Friday and rising from the dead on Sunday, he said, “but we don’t talk enough about Saturday, when… his disciples felt all hope was lost. In our lives and the lives of the nation, we have those Saturdays—to bear witness the day before glory, seeing people’s pain and not looking away. But what work is done on Saturday to move pain to purpose? How can faith get a man, get a nation through what was to come?” It’s a truism that anything that happens before we are born is equidistant from our personal experience, mixing the recent past and the ancient past together in a similar vaguely imagined “before” time. Most of today’s college graduates were not born until about 2002 and likely did not pay a great deal of attention to politics until about five years ago. Biden took the opportunity to explain to them what it meant to live through the 1960s. He noted that he was the first in his family to graduate from college, paid for with loans. He fell in love, got a law degree, got married and took a job at a “fancy law firm.” But his world changed when an assassin murdered the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King—a Morehouse man—and the segregated city of Wilmington, Delaware, erupted with fires, looting, fights, and occasional gunfire. For nine months, the National Guard patrolled the city in combat gear, “the longest stretch in any American city since the Civil War,” Biden recalled. “Dr. King’s legacy had a profound impact on me and my generation, whether you’re Black or white,” Biden explained. He left the law firm to become first a public defender and then a county councilman, “working to change our state’s politics to embrace the cause of civil rights.” The Democratic Party had historically championed white supremacy, but that alignment was in the process of changing as Democrats had swung behind civil rights and the 1965 Voting Rights Act. Biden and his cohort hoped to turn the Delaware Democratic Party toward the new focus on civil rights, he said. In 1972, Biden ran for the Senate and won…barely, in a state Republican president Richard Nixon won with 60% of the vote. Biden recalled how, newly elected and hiring staff in Washington, D.C., he got the call telling him that his wife and daughter had been killed in a car accident and that his two sons were gravely injured. The pain of that day hit again 43 years later, he said, when his son Beau died of cancer after living for a year next to a burn pit in Iraq. And he talked of meeting First Lady Jill Biden, “who healed the family in all the broken places. Our family became my redemption,” he said. His focus on family and community offered a strong contrast to the Republican emphasis on individualism. “On this walk of life...you come to understand that we don’t know where or what fate will bring you or when,” Biden said. “But we also know we don’t walk alone. When you’ve been a beneficiary of the compassion of your family, your friends, even strangers, you know how much the compassion matters,” he said. “I’ve learned there is no easy optimism, but by faith—by faith, we can find redemption.” For the graduates, Biden noted, four years ago “felt like one of those Saturdays. The pandemic robbed you of so much. Some of you lost loved ones—mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, who…aren’t able to be here to celebrate with you today…. You missed your high school graduation. You started college just as George Floyd was murdered and there was a reckoning on race. “It’s natural to wonder if democracy you hear about actually works for you. “What is democracy if Black men are being killed in the street? “What is democracy if a trail of broken promises still leave[s]…Black communities behind? “What is democracy if you have to be 10 times better than anyone else to get a fair shot? “And most of all, what does it mean, as we’ve heard before, to be a Black man who loves his country even if it doesn’t love him back in equal measure?” The crowd applauded. Biden explained that across the Oval Office from his seat behind the Resolute Desk are busts of Dr. King and Senator Robert Kennedy, challenging Biden: “Are we living up to what we say we are as a nation, to end racism and poverty, to deliver jobs and justice, to restore our leadership in the world?” He wears a rosary on his wrist made of Beau’s rosary as a reminder that faith asks us “to hold on to hope, to move heaven and earth to make better days.” “[T]hat’s my commitment to you,” he said. “[T]o show you democracy, democracy, democracy is still the way.” Biden pledged to “call out the poison of white supremacy” and noted that he “stood up…with George Floyd’s family to help create a country where you don’t need to have that talk with your son or grandson as they get pulled over.” The administration is investing in Black communities and reconnecting neighborhoods cut apart by highways decades ago. It has reduced Black child poverty to the lowest rate in history. It is removing lead pipes across the nation to provide clean drinking water to everyone, and investing in high-speed internet to bring all households into the modern era. The administration is creating opportunities, Biden said, bringing “good-paying jobs…; capital to start small businesses and loans to buy homes; health insurance, [prescription] drugs, housing that’s more affordable and accessible.” Biden reminded the audience that he had joined workers on a picket line. To applause, he noted that when the Supreme Court blocked his attempt to relieve student debt, he found two other ways to do it. He noted the administration’s historic investment in historically black colleges and universities. “We’re opening doors so you can walk into a life of generational wealth, to be providers and leaders for your families and communities. Today, record numbers of Black Americans have jobs, health insurance, and more [wealth] than ever.” Then Biden directly addressed the student protests over the Israeli government’s strikes on Gaza. At Morehouse today, one graduate stood with his back to Biden and his fist raised during the president’s speech, and the class valedictorian, DeAngelo Jeremiah Fletcher, who spoke before the president, wore a picture of a Palestinian flag on his mortarboard and called for an immediate and permanent ceasefire in Gaza, at which Biden applauded. “In a democracy, we debate and dissent about America’s role in the world,” Biden said. “I want to say this very clearly. I support peaceful, nonviolent protest. Your voices should be heard, and I promise you I hear them.” “What’s happening in Gaza…is heartbreaking,” he said, with “[i]nnocent Palestinians caught in the middle” of a fight between Hamas and Israel. He reminded them that he has called “for an immediate ceasefire…to stop the fighting [and] bring the hostages home.” His administration has been working for a deal, as well as to get more aid into Gaza and to rebuild it. Crucially, he added, there is more at stake than “just one ceasefire.” He wants “to build a lasting, durable peace. Because the question is…: What after? What after Hamas? What happens then? What happens in Gaza? What rights do the Palestinian people have?” To applause, he said, “I’m working to make sure we finally get a two-state solution—the only solution—for two people to live in peace, security, and dignity.” “This is one of the hardest, most complicated problems in the world,” he said. “I know it angered and frustrates many of you, including my family. But most of all, I know it breaks your heart. It breaks mine as well. Leadership is about fighting through the most intractable problems. It’s about challenging anger, frustration, and heartbreak to find a solution. It’s about doing what you believe is right, even when it’s hard and lonely. You’re all future leaders, every one of you graduating today…. You’ll face complicated, tough moments. In these moments, you’ll listen to others, but you’ll have to decide, guided by knowledge, conviction, principle, and your own moral compass.” Turning back to the United States, Biden urged the graduates to examine “what happens to you and your family when old ghosts in new garments seize power, extremists come for the freedoms you thought belonged to you and everyone.” He noted attacks on equality in America, and that extremist forces were peddling “a fiction, a caricature [of] what being a man is about—tough talk, abusing power, bigotry. Their idea of being a man is toxic.” “But that’s not you,” he continued. “It’s not us. You all know and demonstrate what it really means to be a man. Being a man is about the strength of respect and dignity. It’s about showing up because it’s too late if you have to ask. It’s about giving hate no safe harbor and leaving no one behind and defending freedoms. It’s about standing up to the abuse of power, whether physical, economic, or psychological.” To applause, he added: “It’s about knowing faith without works is dead.” “The strength and wisdom of faith endures,” Biden said. “And I hope—my hope for you is—my challenge to you is that you still keep the faith so long as you can.” “Together, we’re capable of building a democracy worthy of our dreams…a bigger, brighter future that proves the American Dream is big enough for everyone to succeed.” “Class of 2024, four years ago, it felt probably like Saturday,” Biden concluded. “Four years later, you made it to Sunday, to commencement, to the beginning. And with faith and determination, you can push the sun above the horizon once more….” “God bless you all,” he said. “We’re expecting a lot from you.” — Notes: https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2024/05/19/remarks-by-president-biden-at-the-morehouse-college-class-of-2024-commencement-address-atlanta-ga/https://www.inquirer.com/news/a/wilmington-del-riots-occupation-martin-luther-king-jr-national-guard-20181207.htmlhttps://www.reuters.com/world/us/morehouse-graduation-thanks-god-woke-class-2024-2024-05-19/

https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/p/may-19-2024

i am trying to learn more about my great grandmother, ive tried over the years and ive continually ran into a pretty solid brick wall.
my great grandfather and great grandmother are both from poland (because obviously this is a polish genealogical problem). my great grandfather came to america when he was young, but during WW1 he volunteered with the polish brigade in france to help fight germany. after the war he was allowed leave to return to poland for a year or two (which a lot of polish soldiers spent time in poland after ww1 ended) and ended up damaging some clothes, took it to a tailor in krakow and met my great grandmother who was the tailor. eventually they started talking and the next thing you know theyre getting married and going back to america together, she was literally 6 months pregnant with my grandfather when they came back to america, its even noted in the ship manifest ive found for their return trip that she was pregnant at the time. anyways, less happy ending is that this was in 1922, in 1930 she ended up dying suddenly of tuberculosis when my grandpa was like 7 years old. my great grandpa married another women several years later who my grandpa mostly knew as his mother, she was a great women i never knew her but my grandparents and parents and uncles and aunts would all say nice things about her.
anyways, i have pretty successfully broken my great grandpas brick wall, but when i was searching last, the main problem is my great grandpa was born in 1899 and his baptism recorsd were pretty easy to locate online. my g-grandma was born in 1901 and those records were not available online. as of now i dont think ive ever seen any baptism records for her. however, i do remember i saw once either marriage record between her and my great grandpa or maybe some other official document once she came to america stating her parents names as andrzej pac/pacz and marianna wawrzak. but again ive never found any actual baptism record, and i would have to look around again to refind that other document listing the names of her parents, but that document didnt list her parents ages or anything so i have no clue where to even start looking for getting her baptism record that would probly give me enough information to start searching for her grandparents or something.
i am also partly looking for a link to a specific noble family in poland, which yeah people hear all the time, but my great grandma's surname is literally pac or pacz, ive seen spelled both ways, and there is a noble family from the duchy of lithuania that had the pac surname and was very powerful politically in the 1700s before dying off in the 1800s because of the patriarchs of the family not having any children. i have heard from family sources that there is a link somewhere connecting her to this family, but i am not at all sure where to look, obviously im not going to claim thats valid without having any sources to prove that, but thats why i want to look further back in her family history so i can see if there might be a link 100+ years back or so.
side note, but ironically i did find another branch of my family had minor nobles in it, my great grandpa's grandparents. i found some baptism record from poland listing his grandmother as the grand daughter of the leader of some village that is now a neighborhood in krakow. she married some guy that bought his way into the nobility by being a wealthy accountant/financer in krakow, which i found super funny because my dad, who would be this person's great great grandson, also went into accounting.
this is the family im specifically talking about
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Pac

So recently we(me and 3 daughters) went to visit family. My husband wasn’t able to make it and the only place we have to stay is my in laws. I love my mother in law, but my father in law and sister in law not so much. They are very reactive and dramatic when it comes to disagreements. During this visit, my father in law kept getting short with my daughters and even went as far as to threaten to spank them. When I walked in and asked what had happened he brushed it off with a “nothing.” The whole situation really upset me and I distanced myself and the girls from him as much as possible the rest of the trip. I asked my oldest (5 year old) what happened for them to be in trouble and she said they were playing with the doggie stairs. To be fair, we had been telling them not to play with them, but all of my daughters are 5 and under. That age group needs a lot of reminding in general though. I’m not okay with spanking.
My sister in law thankfully was not around this trip, but I’m worried about future visits. She has yelled at my oldest before over some minor things. I also am aware that she does not like me and her brother(my husband), so it’s even more complicated.
How would you handle boundaries with reactive type family members? When we’ve tried having boundary conversations before(not childcare related) they have not reacted well.

https://derpibooru.org/images/2656051?q=parents%3Aautumnjack
​
And boy is there a lot of next gen apples…
​
Name: Pumpkin Patch (patch)
Age: 17
Gender: Cis Female
Sexuality: Bisexual
Parents: Apple Jack, Autumn Blaze (magical lesbian spawn)
Siblings: none
Relatives: Professor Apple Bloom (aunt) Tender Taps (uncle) June Bug (cousin) Big Macintosh (uncle) Sugar Belle (aunt) Sugar Cane (cousin)
Pear Butter and Bright Mac (deceased/grandparents) Granny Smith and Gramp Pear (deceased/great grandparents)
Type: 80% pony 20% Kirin
Personality
-stubborn
-hard working
-pretty (for Summer)
-will defend her friends
-honest
Cutie Mark/Special Talent
Since Patch is mostly pony, she got her cutie mark at a normal age. Her cutie mark is an apple-shaped pumpkin. It represents her love for fall harvest.
​
OPAL FLICKER
​
Artist’s description:
soft boy. has done nothing wrong, ever.
Son of Apple Jack and Autumn Blaze.
Flick was raised as a farmer, but farming never truly sat right with him. He loved helping others, and he knew he could be doing more to help. That’s why when he came of age, he moved out and applied to be a professor at the school of friendship for the kindness element, surprisingly. But of course, he was accepted.
Opal Flicker is kind too most, but closest to Ambrosia (his sister), Goji Glow, Onyx Daze, Elytron, Vespa Sear, Aurora, Hornet, Lockheed, Virago, and Bulaa.
Flick is scared of Amity, and like 80% sure Pyre hates him
https://derpibooru.org/images/3245106?q=parents%3Aautumnjack
AMBROSIA
​
Daughter of Apple Jack and Autumn Blaze.
Though still in school, Ambrosia is keen to helping her mothers farm, and most underestimate her strength. When she’s not on the farm or studying, she’s with friends and family, she usually drags them on hikes with her.
While Ambrosia does have walls, if she trusts you they’ll go down quickly. She can usually be seen hanging around Opal Flicker (her brother), Saccharin (her cousin), Fuji Tart (her cousin), Elytron, and Terabyte.
She argues frequently with Pacific Rose (her cousin). And she thinks Prince Usiku doesn’t take himself or his duties seriously.
​
https://derpibooru.org/images/3028176?q=parents%3Aautumnjack
https://derpibooru.org/tags/oc-colon-pazazz+apple
Pazazz Apple
​
“Darlin’, please don’t cry. I’m sure Cameo didn’t mean to break Potsy.”
“Ma, people are staring…”
“You ignore them. She’s grieving.”
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Living on a farm with around 14 ponies means that accidents can happen a bit more often than not. This time, Potsy was the victim.
I 100% think that even after regaining her voice and the voices of her fellow villagers, Autumn Blaze still kept her inanimate object friends around. After all, no one’s going to be completely sane after dealing with what she went through. So one day, when Potsy is knocked from his spot on a bale of hay and smashes on the ground, Autumn Blaze is devastated. She wails and sobs, unable to do anything but cry and apologize to Potsy’s broken pieces. Applejack, who can’t bear to see her wife so upset, is very sympathetic towards her and the inanimate object. Pazazz, on the other hand, feels bad because he’s embarrassed of his mother’s odd behavior.

Previous Entry
Writing these things has made me realize how different I sound these days. Back when all this started I’m not sure I even spoke English and I certainly didn’t speak like I do now but to be honest, I don’t remember. Trying to recall things to write has made me realize exactly how many little things I’ve forgotten over the years. The sights, the sounds, all those fade into the background of most events.
Even something as visceral as Archer’s basement still takes me a while to recall clearly. I wonder if it’s more than just my long life, we do age after all. I mentioned before that sunlight is not deadly to vampires like myself but very unpleasant, that and it makes us more normal. In the sun I won’t be as strong as I would be in the dark and by my assessment I age in the sun as well. Not any faster than a normal person but I do age, its why I don’t still look like that little boy stuck in Paris anymore.
I did spend quite some time in Paris before I left or rather, escaped. I’m not sure I ever would have left if not for the war. I didn’t have many friends there save for other… I’m not sure what to call them… entities? Whatever you want to cal it I had some friends in the more supernatural parts of the city. A vampire named Belle had become a sort of mother figure to me over the years spent there.
I met her by chance one night as I sated myself in an alley. I was ready to fight but she just laughed and flashed her own fangs at me, ridiculing me for being so careless. It was under her wing where I learned everything I know now about vampires. It’s where I realized not all vampires endure sunlight as well as I do, if anything that one trait is what’s most unique about me according to her. But thats not the story I want to tell on these pages tonight. I want to tell the story of lieutenant Marsh and the real beginnings of the organization that would become Chimera.
When war came to Paris that summer I was unprepared. I never expected the war to spiral out of hand so quickly or for it to force me out of my home. I was with Belle and a few more of her friends whose names escape me waiting out the worst of it and hoping things would blow over in the city soon. Obviously we were completely misguided, it was that sense of invulnerability again just the same as when I was a boy. The world was our playground and nothing could hurt us. It didn’t help that in some ways I really was invulnerable and it went straight to my head.
Only flashes of my memory from that day remain. I remember the nazi soldier kicking in the door and firing at Belle’s friends. I remember the screaming that abruptly ended in a single gunshot. I remember the trail of blood leading to her friends body where it lay staked to the ground in the sun. We heal fast, not instantly but much faster than a human. Put us in sunlight though, and we’re just as fragile as a normal person. It was the first time I’d seen someone with abilities like ours die and it made me feel mortal again for the first time in decades.
The rest of the day is a disjointed blur. Belle and I fled the city, I blank out on the specifics of it but we made it out with some difficulty. After that we hunkered down for the night in a rickety old shack. I remember wanting to push on through the day but Belle protested, she didn’t deal with the sun as well as I did. When night finally fell we fled to the coast and managed to catch a ship heading towards the United States.
The trip was unpleasant to say the least, neither of us made good stowaways. We weren’t living life in the lap of luxury before by any means but we lived comfortably. This was a far cry from what we were used to in Paris and the welcome we received was even worse. Apparently fleeing for your own survival is a crime, both of us were separated and sent to prison on our arrival to the states for stowing away on the ship.
That was the last time I ever saw Belle, I get letters from her every now and then but I haven’t seen her in person since. She does well for herself, works in D.C. as a sort of handler for the supernatural. Regrettably she does work with Chimera, says they have the best interests at heart for the supernatural but she doesn’t see what I see out here. She doesn’t know the part I played in its creation, what it really stood for in the beginning. Chimera tends to kill first these days rather than actually try to help or give the supernatural some kind of place in the world. I think thats why I haven’t been to visit her, I just don’t want to argue with a friend as old as her. Funnily enough I don’t think anyone knows she’s a vampire. I doubt they’d take that very well, she’d probably lose her position. They must have suspicions though because theres no way she’d be able to get letters to me without Baelen knowing about it. Every few months they keep showing up though and I always make sure to write her back.
Anyways I’m getting off topic, back to my story. I was in prison for months until an offer came my way, serve the rest of my sentence or enlist in the army and be a free man when I came back, if I came back. Of course I took the offer, I didn’t realize how suspicious that deal sounded at the time but it actually played out exactly as they said. I also didn’t have much of a choice in the matter either. It was hard to get my hands on any blood when I was almost constantly under watch and I could feel the effects it was having on me. I figured it would be best to get a change of scenery.
The next week I was off to training then not long after, we shipped out to the trenches and met the commander of the platoon I’d been assigned to. That’s the first time I met Lieutenant Johnson Marsh and what a man he was. That first day I was convinced I’d never see a smile ever again, the trenches were a horrible depressing place. But there Marsh was, laughing and smiling and just generally enjoying life with the rest of the platoon. He was either crazy or stupid, thats what my first thoughts about him were. I remember those clearly even today but I couldn’t have been more wrong. If anything he may have turned out to be one of the smartest men I ever knew.
The first few weeks were spent holding our position from the germans. It was brutal but I found I was a decent shot with the rifle I was given. Marsh on the other hand spent those weeks barking orders at us and keeping us in line. He never used a rifle like most of the soldiers used. Instead he kept a Beretta m9 with him at all times. That weapon was the only one I ever saw him use. I remember the name only because he was so found of explaining everything there was to know about the gun to me whenever I questioned him about it. You could immediately recognize the pistol as his by its strange grip. One side of it had a picture of an idyllic scene of a manor house in the middle of a sprawling field. The other had a painting of a woman, his wife I’d guess but he never actually told me if that was there case. He seemed to spend the nights staring with longing at each side of the artistic grip.
I’d never really had a family, even with Belle I’d always felt like I was a bit of an outsider. There was so much I didn’t know about how normal people lived. Even though I’d had friends in Paris we were always kind of hidden away in our own personal corner. There was this separation between us and normal life, even between the other supernaturals in the area.
Here I felt like I was part of something though. Sure I was still lost but so was everyone else, we could be lost together and Marsh would always set us straight in the end. There was something about the man, some piece of him that just understood what we were all going through. He expected a lot from us but he was never unreasonable and several times even argued with command on our behalf when ridiculous orders came our way. I actually wanted to serve with him. The rest of the platoon wasn’t bad but they’d all been given the same deal as me. They were all just there to get out of prison. I’m still not sure what Marsh’s story was, he always kept that to himself but any of us would’ve taken a bullet for that man.
Our first real assignment came maybe three months into my period of indentured service. Our platoon was tasked with rescuing a captured American scientist and capturing a German scientist. The scientists in question were Frank Smith and Stein Hoffman and no, the irony of those names is not lost on me, fits the two of them though. I’m sure doctor Frankenstein wishes he was successful as those two. But before those orders could be acted on we had to overtake a German trench surrounding the compound they were staying in.
That fight was bloody and we lost several good men in the chaos. At one point a trench gun was shoved into my arms and I launched myself into the German trench. I wouldn’t be surprised if ghost stories are still passed around of what I did that day. After I made my way over and into the German trench I lashed out with all I had. Moving with superhuman speed and lashing out with both the bayonet affixed to my gun and my fangs, I fell upon the Germans. They stood little chance as I tore into them and all by my lonesome I ensured we’d face no more resistance.
Marsh was the first over into the now silent trench, I’m glad it was him because I’m not sure anyone else would’ve understood like him. I was holding the German officer to the trench wall, fangs buried in his neck as I fed when I heard footsteps behind me. I dropped him and turned to see Marsh staring questioningly at me. I must’ve been a sight to see, blood dripping from my mouth and covering my bullet torn uniform. Marsh steadied himself for a moment and shouted back to the rest of the platoon,
“Boys hold up a second! Just get down and stay up there a minute won’tcha!”
All of a sudden he took a step forward and a well mannered grin took its usual place on his lips.
“Though You didn’t care for sauerkraut J.?”
The joke stunned me, I fully expected him to shoot me then and there, put me down like the abomination I must’ve looked like to him.
“Lieutenant I…”
But Marsh raised his hands to cut me off.
“Command’d probably want me to shoot’cha, hell maybe I aught’a but I don’t think it’d be right. You seem decent, little odd sure but you’ve got heart, I see it in the way you look out for the boys. Plus I always figured there was some’n off about you. The way you stay out’a the light always seem a little faster and stronger than anyone got the right to be just didn’t figure it’d be…. That.”
Marsh told me pointing to the punctures in the officers neck.
“Thank you lieutenant, Could we keep this between us though sir?”
“Drop the formalities J. Jesus! We’re all friends here.”
“I just don’t want the others to know, they may not be as understanding as you.”
“No can do, but you can tell em’ yourself. Alright men, get on down here!”
In all my years I’d never had to explain myself to anyone up until that point. I guess that day my number was up but I never knew just how understanding people, normal people could be. I’d always lived around the supernatural in Paris, didn’t interact much with the normal people I saw in the streets every day, I didn’t have to. I’d always assumed there was a reason for that but in the moment I realized there wasn’t, not really. I’d just avoided normal people because I feared what they’d think if it came out that I wasn’t like them.
Of course There were some of the men that objected to… what I was. Most of them took after Marsh though. They didn’t really care what I was, I’d proven to them I was a good person and thats all that mattered. I just wish they’d been right about me back then because the truth was I still hadn’t learned to care, not really. Even the ones who objected came around eventually and that night Marsh finally came clean to me about why exactly he was so accepting.
According to him he’d always assumed there was more out there, things beyond human that lived on the fringes of society. Even he always thought he sounded crazy. I was the proof he needed to convince himself he wasn’t. Marsh also told me what we were really doing with the scientists. Both Frank and Stein researched the supernatural, their projects were as secret as secret could be. Marsh’s interests and theories, as personal as he tried to keep them showed up in his file somewhere. The higher ups had handpicked him for this mission because of it. The official story was that Frank had been captured but in reality he defected to further his own research with a like minded individual. Our mission was really to force Frank back into the fold and take Stein along with him.
The more he talked the more I could tell his heart was fully committed to this mission and the final assault tomorrow. I’d never seen someone so… alive. In my extremely long life I don’t think Id ever felt that kind of conviction myself. So I promised him I’d have his back tomorrow no matter what.
Morning broke and with it our assault began. Intel on the German defenses was shoddy at best but we never expected what we’d actually run into. At least three times our number acted as guards so a distraction was in order to give us a window of entry. A few of the men would handle the distraction “however they saw fit” to quote Marsh. Then Marsh and I would make our way into the compound itself and the rest of the platoon would cover us.
For what its worth most of the plan went off without a hitch. A tremendous explosion signaled Marsh and I to press the advantage and rush the confused soldiers that lay in front of us. Some actually turned and ran from me, apparently word of my stunt in the trenches yesterday had spread quickly. The rest of the platoon followed behind us but then our luck ran out with the roar of an engine.
An honest to god panzer tank rolled out of a tunnel we hadn’t seen that ran under the compound and turned its barrel towards us. I almost didn’t hear the blast from how slow time seemed to move. But move it did as the explosion of the shell’s impact scattered bodies left and right. The shell impacted behind us but the sheer force of the blast threw Marsh and I to the ground, knocking us unconscious.
When I slowly came to my eyes couldn’t believe what I was seeing. A man dressed in red priestly robes with a matching red top hat was walking between the bodies. When he approached one that groaned out with agony he’d kneel down and whisper things I couldn’t hear to them, after that he’d snap his fingers. sometimes the person he was talking with would disappear other times they would fall silent and sometimes it didn’t appear that anything happened at all.
Just the sight of the man terrified me and I wasn’t sure why. It was an instinctual reaction, the second I lay eyes on him I froze up and ice cold fear crept its way up my spine. When people accuse me of being the devil this man is who I think of. Even today I’m not sure what it is he does or why. What I do know is that he never looks the same. I’ve seen him appear as male, female, even as an animal on a few occasions but I can always tell. The second I’m near him no matter what he looks like the same old feeling comes over me.
Once my vision had finally focused in on the man he seemed to notice without ever looking at me. I blinked and suddenly he was there, kneeling over me.
“Would you like to live.”
He rasped down at me with a voice that seemed to boom around me no matter how quiet it must’ve actually been. I felt like a child again, staring at Archer for the first time. I’d never really had to fear death before but here I was, sure I was about to meet my end right here. In all honestly I wasn’t injured all that bad, I probably could’ve survived with or without this man help. But something told me that if I said no he’d make sure I would die right here.
“Ye…y… yes”
I stuttered out, barley able to form the words through the pain that stabbed throughout my body.
“You will be my instrument for one night at a time of me choosing.”
The man replied. I stayed silent as I stared into his eyes, trying to determine if the sunglasses he wore were tinted or if his eyes really did burn with an infernal red light. The man cocked his head as if waiting for a response to his question. I’m not sure if question was the right word though, there wasn’t much of a choice for me.
Looking back there was always a choice, maybe I could’ve survived on my own merits, found another way. In the years to come I’d wish I just said no, even if it would’ve cost me my life. But thats not what happened. I nodded and the deal maker snapped his fingers. As soon as he had dark clouds flooded the sky and blocked out the sun, allowing my body to begin repairing itself. The man moved on to where Marsh’s body lay and probably made him the same deal as I felt my body healing. Despite that, my consciousness faded again as I strained to try and hear what the man would say to Marsh.
We never actually discussed the man at all. Not then and not in the years since. Maybe that was all an unspoken part of Marsh’s deal. Maybe both of us just wished that man was nothing more than a waking dream, a vivid hallucination. Whatever the case neither of us ever mentioned that man to each other.
The next time I woke up I was chained to a table next to Marsh. We had been captured and brought before the very scientists we were here to apprehend. There were guards around but they all seemed to be waiting for some kind of order. I was certainly surprised when that order came in perfect English, even more surprised when the order was to let us down so we could talk.
Frank and Stein ended up being quite reasonable people. The two let us stay in relative comfort in the compound as long as we agreed to stay and leave them to their work. That was all the convincing it took for me. I understand that the men I’d served with were all dead and that these two were in some way responsible. Maybe that should’ve bothered me more, today it certainly would’ve. Back then I didn’t think the same way, they accepted me for what I was but only briefly, only out of respect for Marsh. What did the lives of people I’d known for so short a time really matter? Writing this now just makes me realize how cold I was before, I didn’t care for anything beyond myself. I’d made no efforts to find Belle since we were separated and how long had I known her, 100 years, more? I may have pretended I cared but when push came to shove I simply tried to make sure I survived.
Marsh wasn’t as cold as me, in fact he almost immediately reached for where his pistol should’ve been when he was unchained. It took Frank, Stein, and myself weeks to convince him that helping would be the right decision. He didn’t like it at first but little by little I think the scientists grew on him. The guards I’d seen our first day here seemed to thin out the longer we stayed. Wether that was a gesture of trust or simply because they were needed for more important duties I don’t know but it certainly eased Marsh’s mind.
I merely observed the scientists most of the time until Stein asked me for a sample of my blood. It didn’t surprise me that he knew what I was but for obvious reasons I was hesitant to give it to him, especially considering what I’d seen so called doctors do with vampire blood. Eventually he wore me down and I gave let him take a sample just to shut him up. After that I became more involved in their research though not by choice. They had me showcasing my abilities and tested the effects of sunlight on my blood. On a few rare occasions Stein even injected it into other prisoners that were brought in, something I put a stop to very quickly. T
hat sample of blood is why Frank and Stein are still around today. Somehow they managed to isolate whatever part of my DNA allows me to age so much slower than a normal person. They took that and spliced it into their own DNA against my recommendations. The crazy thing was it actually worked. Sure they had a newfound appreciation for rare steaks but beyond that I didn’t notice any of the effects that combining vampire DNA with your own would usually have.
As Marsh and I assisted the scientist’s research however we could we both came to the realization that they needed each other to function. Stein lacked a moral compass and was prone to suggest unethical or risky procedures, sometimes going so far as to carry them out without informing Frank. Frank on the other hand preferred caution in everything he did and sometimes I noticed him personally taking and shredding requests Stein had written for test subjects, hazardous materials, or samples from supernatural entities. The two kept a very delicate dance of checks and balances. Stein ever the daring mad scientist and Frank always playing the role of overly cautious genius.
Marsh and Frank got along extremely well near the end. The two would be up at all hours of the night as Frank explained what kind of things really existed in the world. Marsh always shared these ideas of a world where the supernatural and the normal could live together and I think Frank shared that vision. It wasn’t possible, still isn’t but treating the supernatural as something other than monsters couldn’t possibly be a bad thing. I think thats where the idea of the Bureau of Supernatural Affairs really came from, those talks Marsh had with anyone who would listen.
Overtime one of our favorite conversations was what we would do when the war was over and we could leave this compound. Stein wasn’t sure he would, if his research wasn’t going to a man who’d simply use it to cause more conflict he wouldn’t mind staying. Frank wanted to return home, if that was even possible and he asked if Stein would join him. Those two had also become close friends through our months in the lab. That checks and balances relationship they had made them basically inseparable. Marsh’s answer surprised me though, he said he wanted to get out of the military and start a program, something to help the supernatural live closer to normal lives. At least keep tabs on them so that the quality of their lives might improve. I was stunned, I couldn’t believe he’d throw his career away just to chase this pipe dream of his. I didn’t even know Marsh was concerned with that kind of thing. I didn’t have an answer of my own so I said I’d join Marsh and help with this program idea of his. Actually, even Frank and Stein seemed to agree with Marsh’s way of thinking. Little did we know the war would end less than a month after our talk and we’d all get the chance to actually put Marsh’s little idea to the test.
Once the Americans had come and discovered the compound pretty much abandoned aside from us we were all taken prisoner and shipped back to America. We were all interrogated and they either heard what they wanted to hear, or decided anyone we’d talk to about our experiences would assume we were just crazy. We were released back into society under constant surveillance. They even gave us a sizable home in D.C., it was certainly bugged to its core but thats exactly what we wanted.
Through the next year we used Frank and Steins knowledge and my supernatural nature to track down entities all over the country. We made sure that everything was discussed and planned out in the house. That way however was listening knew exactly what we were doing and how successful it was. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows though, some entities would rather we didn’t know about them. Others were naturally aggressive but some we were actually able to help.
Our escapades as a group of four didn’t last much past the first year. Mostly because our master plan of using the bugs worked perfectly. Ol’ uncle Sam had been listening in and wanted his chance at calling the shots but it meant we became a legitimate organization, the BSA. Technically the acronym was already taken but no one ever complained and Marsh never came up with anything better.
We spent 4 years doing everything we could to improve the lives of supernatural beings everywhere. Not every one of our endeavors was a success but we did some good in the world. One such project was blood banks for vampires. While the blood that gets donated is used for transfusions and the like some was put into cold storage for the BSA. That got distributed to vampires who had come to an agreement with us to stop hunting humans for blood. Some vampires were even selected for jobs at these blood banks, under the supervision of BSA agents of course.
The more human supernaturals like werewolves, vampires, and succubi even used us to find jobs in the world. We made in roads for the supernatural in daily life because of it. Werewolves would use their strength for government construction. Vampire’s long lives made them excellent archivists or history teachers because they actually been there for those events. A succubus’s ability to understand and control someones emotions and reactions made them excellent therapists and conflict deescalation specialists. Those are just some of the fields we managed to get the supernatural involved in. While they usually had to hide their natural they were wildly successful.
Everything went well until that fourth year when I first met Baelen. He was headstrong from the beginning, the powers that be were grooming him for leadership. He was everything they wanted, he followed orders and didn’t question things to much. In short, he was the perfect solution to the inconvenience the four of us caused running the organization as we saw fit. But baleen had a mean streak, he didn’t want to protect the supernatural so much as he wanted to put them in their place. Unfortunately a lot of the research we provided had scared pretty much everyone above us who had never even entertained the idea of the supernatural until now. That meant Baelen’s ideas of monitoring and segregating the supernatural population were popular. So popular that suggesting culling their numbers to keep them in check and under the thumb of the BSA was an idea they actually entertained. That sentiment caught on and our orders became more and more militant.
Every time we disregarded them to do things the way we had envisioned the consequence grew steeper. Eventually Frank, Stein, Marsh, and I just couldn’t stand to see what our BSA had become so we left. We couldn’t do anything else to stop what was coming from the inside, no point in going down with the ship.
After that Baelen quickly ended up heading the whole operation. He still took orders directly from government officials and when the BSA became part of homeland security it became Chimera division. Why they chose such a stupid name I’ll never know but the organization was a shadow of its former self. Before we looked out for the supernatural, tried to help. Under Baelen Chimera just exists to monitor the supernatural and “correct” any issues uncle Sam decides to have with them. They’re glorified enforcers that don’t give a damn how the supernatural actually have it. That’s not to say some good people don’t work for them, people like Belle and even Marsh’s own daughter as far as I’m aware.
It sickens me to think I was a part of it though, for all the good we did maybe it would’ve been better if Johnson Marsh’s pipe dream would’ve stayed just that. I can do a lot but I can’t change the past so I guess we’ll never know. A while ago I heard that something had happened in a little nowhere town out in New Mexico. Pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth. The only reason I even heard about it was through Belle’s letters. Apparently Chimera had to do some huge cover up job and decided it was better if the town just never existed. Maybe I should go myself and see if I can’t piece what happened together. Could be that someone else out there has it in for Chimera and is a whole lot more direct about it than me. I’m just imaging it was some runaway experiment Frank and Stein got up to. I wonder where those two ended up, I’ll have to check up on them sometime. This journal writing is digging up a lot of memories for me but thats probably a good thing. Write them down before I forget again. I think that’ll be all for today then, why do I keep addressing these like someone’s reading them? Not much point to that is there?

Previous Entry
Writing these things has made me realize how different I sound these days. Back when all this started I’m not sure I even spoke English and I certainly didn’t speak like I do now but to be honest, I don’t remember. Trying to recall things to write has made me realize exactly how many little things I’ve forgotten over the years. The sights, the sounds, all those fade into the background of most events.
Even something as visceral as Archer’s basement still takes me a while to recall clearly. I wonder if it’s more than just my long life, we do age after all. I mentioned before that sunlight is not deadly to vampires like myself but very unpleasant, that and it makes us more normal. In the sun I won’t be as strong as I would be in the dark and by my assessment I age in the sun as well. Not any faster than a normal person but I do age, its why I don’t still look like that little boy stuck in Paris anymore.
I did spend quite some time in Paris before I left or rather, escaped. I’m not sure I ever would have left if not for the war. I didn’t have many friends there save for other… I’m not sure what to call them… entities? Whatever you want to cal it I had some friends in the more supernatural parts of the city. A vampire named Belle had become a sort of mother figure to me over the years spent there.
I met her by chance one night as I sated myself in an alley. I was ready to fight but she just laughed and flashed her own fangs at me, ridiculing me for being so careless. It was under her wing where I learned everything I know now about vampires. It’s where I realized not all vampires endure sunlight as well as I do, if anything that one trait is what’s most unique about me according to her. But thats not the story I want to tell on these pages tonight. I want to tell the story of lieutenant Marsh and the real beginnings of the organization that would become Chimera.
When war came to Paris that summer I was unprepared. I never expected the war to spiral out of hand so quickly or for it to force me out of my home. I was with Belle and a few more of her friends whose names escape me waiting out the worst of it and hoping things would blow over in the city soon. Obviously we were completely misguided, it was that sense of invulnerability again just the same as when I was a boy. The world was our playground and nothing could hurt us. It didn’t help that in some ways I really was invulnerable and it went straight to my head.
Only flashes of my memory from that day remain. I remember the nazi soldier kicking in the door and firing at Belle’s friends. I remember the screaming that abruptly ended in a single gunshot. I remember the trail of blood leading to her friends body where it lay staked to the ground in the sun. We heal fast, not instantly but much faster than a human. Put us in sunlight though, and we’re just as fragile as a normal person. It was the first time I’d seen someone with abilities like ours die and it made me feel mortal again for the first time in decades.
The rest of the day is a disjointed blur. Belle and I fled the city, I blank out on the specifics of it but we made it out with some difficulty. After that we hunkered down for the night in a rickety old shack. I remember wanting to push on through the day but Belle protested, she didn’t deal with the sun as well as I did. When night finally fell we fled to the coast and managed to catch a ship heading towards the United States.
The trip was unpleasant to say the least, neither of us made good stowaways. We weren’t living life in the lap of luxury before by any means but we lived comfortably. This was a far cry from what we were used to in Paris and the welcome we received was even worse. Apparently fleeing for your own survival is a crime, both of us were separated and sent to prison on our arrival to the states for stowing away on the ship.
That was the last time I ever saw Belle, I get letters from her every now and then but I haven’t seen her in person since. She does well for herself, works in D.C. as a sort of handler for the supernatural. Regrettably she does work with Chimera, says they have the best interests at heart for the supernatural but she doesn’t see what I see out here. She doesn’t know the part I played in its creation, what it really stood for in the beginning. Chimera tends to kill first these days rather than actually try to help or give the supernatural some kind of place in the world. I think thats why I haven’t been to visit her, I just don’t want to argue with a friend as old as her. Funnily enough I don’t think anyone knows she’s a vampire. I doubt they’d take that very well, she’d probably lose her position. They must have suspicions though because theres no way she’d be able to get letters to me without Baelen knowing about it. Every few months they keep showing up though and I always make sure to write her back.
Anyways I’m getting off topic, back to my story. I was in prison for months until an offer came my way, serve the rest of my sentence or enlist in the army and be a free man when I came back, if I came back. Of course I took the offer, I didn’t realize how suspicious that deal sounded at the time but it actually played out exactly as they said. I also didn’t have much of a choice in the matter either. It was hard to get my hands on any blood when I was almost constantly under watch and I could feel the effects it was having on me. I figured it would be best to get a change of scenery.
The next week I was off to training then not long after, we shipped out to the trenches and met the commander of the platoon I’d been assigned to. That’s the first time I met Lieutenant Johnson Marsh and what a man he was. That first day I was convinced I’d never see a smile ever again, the trenches were a horrible depressing place. But there Marsh was, laughing and smiling and just generally enjoying life with the rest of the platoon. He was either crazy or stupid, thats what my first thoughts about him were. I remember those clearly even today but I couldn’t have been more wrong. If anything he may have turned out to be one of the smartest men I ever knew.
The first few weeks were spent holding our position from the germans. It was brutal but I found I was a decent shot with the rifle I was given. Marsh on the other hand spent those weeks barking orders at us and keeping us in line. He never used a rifle like most of the soldiers used. Instead he kept a Beretta m9 with him at all times. That weapon was the only one I ever saw him use. I remember the name only because he was so found of explaining everything there was to know about the gun to me whenever I questioned him about it. You could immediately recognize the pistol as his by its strange grip. One side of it had a picture of an idyllic scene of a manor house in the middle of a sprawling field. The other had a painting of a woman, his wife I’d guess but he never actually told me if that was there case. He seemed to spend the nights staring with longing at each side of the artistic grip.
I’d never really had a family, even with Belle I’d always felt like I was a bit of an outsider. There was so much I didn’t know about how normal people lived. Even though I’d had friends in Paris we were always kind of hidden away in our own personal corner. There was this separation between us and normal life, even between the other supernaturals in the area.
Here I felt like I was part of something though. Sure I was still lost but so was everyone else, we could be lost together and Marsh would always set us straight in the end. There was something about the man, some piece of him that just understood what we were all going through. He expected a lot from us but he was never unreasonable and several times even argued with command on our behalf when ridiculous orders came our way. I actually wanted to serve with him. The rest of the platoon wasn’t bad but they’d all been given the same deal as me. They were all just there to get out of prison. I’m still not sure what Marsh’s story was, he always kept that to himself but any of us would’ve taken a bullet for that man.
Our first real assignment came maybe three months into my period of indentured service. Our platoon was tasked with rescuing a captured American scientist and capturing a German scientist. The scientists in question were Frank Smith and Stein Hoffman and no, the irony of those names is not lost on me, fits the two of them though. I’m sure doctor Frankenstein wishes he was successful as those two. But before those orders could be acted on we had to overtake a German trench surrounding the compound they were staying in.
That fight was bloody and we lost several good men in the chaos. At one point a trench gun was shoved into my arms and I launched myself into the German trench. I wouldn’t be surprised if ghost stories are still passed around of what I did that day. After I made my way over and into the German trench I lashed out with all I had. Moving with superhuman speed and lashing out with both the bayonet affixed to my gun and my fangs, I fell upon the Germans. They stood little chance as I tore into them and all by my lonesome I ensured we’d face no more resistance.
Marsh was the first over into the now silent trench, I’m glad it was him because I’m not sure anyone else would’ve understood like him. I was holding the German officer to the trench wall, fangs buried in his neck as I fed when I heard footsteps behind me. I dropped him and turned to see Marsh staring questioningly at me. I must’ve been a sight to see, blood dripping from my mouth and covering my bullet torn uniform. Marsh steadied himself for a moment and shouted back to the rest of the platoon,
“Boys hold up a second! Just get down and stay up there a minute won’tcha!”
All of a sudden he took a step forward and a well mannered grin took its usual place on his lips.
“Though You didn’t care for sauerkraut J.?”
The joke stunned me, I fully expected him to shoot me then and there, put me down like the abomination I must’ve looked like to him.
“Lieutenant I…”
But Marsh raised his hands to cut me off.
“Command’d probably want me to shoot’cha, hell maybe I aught’a but I don’t think it’d be right. You seem decent, little odd sure but you’ve got heart, I see it in the way you look out for the boys. Plus I always figured there was some’n off about you. The way you stay out’a the light always seem a little faster and stronger than anyone got the right to be just didn’t figure it’d be…. That.”
Marsh told me pointing to the punctures in the officers neck.
“Thank you lieutenant, Could we keep this between us though sir?”
“Drop the formalities J. Jesus! We’re all friends here.”
“I just don’t want the others to know, they may not be as understanding as you.”
“No can do, but you can tell em’ yourself. Alright men, get on down here!”
In all my years I’d never had to explain myself to anyone up until that point. I guess that day my number was up but I never knew just how understanding people, normal people could be. I’d always lived around the supernatural in Paris, didn’t interact much with the normal people I saw in the streets every day, I didn’t have to. I’d always assumed there was a reason for that but in the moment I realized there wasn’t, not really. I’d just avoided normal people because I feared what they’d think if it came out that I wasn’t like them.
Of course There were some of the men that objected to… what I was. Most of them took after Marsh though. They didn’t really care what I was, I’d proven to them I was a good person and thats all that mattered. I just wish they’d been right about me back then because the truth was I still hadn’t learned to care, not really. Even the ones who objected came around eventually and that night Marsh finally came clean to me about why exactly he was so accepting.
According to him he’d always assumed there was more out there, things beyond human that lived on the fringes of society. Even he always thought he sounded crazy. I was the proof he needed to convince himself he wasn’t. Marsh also told me what we were really doing with the scientists. Both Frank and Stein researched the supernatural, their projects were as secret as secret could be. Marsh’s interests and theories, as personal as he tried to keep them showed up in his file somewhere. The higher ups had handpicked him for this mission because of it. The official story was that Frank had been captured but in reality he defected to further his own research with a like minded individual. Our mission was really to force Frank back into the fold and take Stein along with him.
The more he talked the more I could tell his heart was fully committed to this mission and the final assault tomorrow. I’d never seen someone so… alive. In my extremely long life I don’t think Id ever felt that kind of conviction myself. So I promised him I’d have his back tomorrow no matter what.
Morning broke and with it our assault began. Intel on the German defenses was shoddy at best but we never expected what we’d actually run into. At least three times our number acted as guards so a distraction was in order to give us a window of entry. A few of the men would handle the distraction “however they saw fit” to quote Marsh. Then Marsh and I would make our way into the compound itself and the rest of the platoon would cover us.
For what its worth most of the plan went off without a hitch. A tremendous explosion signaled Marsh and I to press the advantage and rush the confused soldiers that lay in front of us. Some actually turned and ran from me, apparently word of my stunt in the trenches yesterday had spread quickly. The rest of the platoon followed behind us but then our luck ran out with the roar of an engine.
An honest to god panzer tank rolled out of a tunnel we hadn’t seen that ran under the compound and turned its barrel towards us. I almost didn’t hear the blast from how slow time seemed to move. But move it did as the explosion of the shell’s impact scattered bodies left and right. The shell impacted behind us but the sheer force of the blast threw Marsh and I to the ground, knocking us unconscious.
When I slowly came to my eyes couldn’t believe what I was seeing. A man dressed in red priestly robes with a matching red top hat was walking between the bodies. When he approached one that groaned out with agony he’d kneel down and whisper things I couldn’t hear to them, after that he’d snap his fingers. sometimes the person he was talking with would disappear other times they would fall silent and sometimes it didn’t appear that anything happened at all.
Just the sight of the man terrified me and I wasn’t sure why. It was an instinctual reaction, the second I lay eyes on him I froze up and ice cold fear crept its way up my spine. When people accuse me of being the devil this man is who I think of. Even today I’m not sure what it is he does or why. What I do know is that he never looks the same. I’ve seen him appear as male, female, even as an animal on a few occasions but I can always tell. The second I’m near him no matter what he looks like the same old feeling comes over me.
Once my vision had finally focused in on the man he seemed to notice without ever looking at me. I blinked and suddenly he was there, kneeling over me.
“Would you like to live.”
He rasped down at me with a voice that seemed to boom around me no matter how quiet it must’ve actually been. I felt like a child again, staring at Archer for the first time. I’d never really had to fear death before but here I was, sure I was about to meet my end right here. In all honestly I wasn’t injured all that bad, I probably could’ve survived with or without this man help. But something told me that if I said no he’d make sure I would die right here.
“Ye…y… yes”
I stuttered out, barley able to form the words through the pain that stabbed throughout my body.
“You will be my instrument for one night at a time of me choosing.”
The man replied. I stayed silent as I stared into his eyes, trying to determine if the sunglasses he wore were tinted or if his eyes really did burn with an infernal red light. The man cocked his head as if waiting for a response to his question. I’m not sure if question was the right word though, there wasn’t much of a choice for me.
Looking back there was always a choice, maybe I could’ve survived on my own merits, found another way. In the years to come I’d wish I just said no, even if it would’ve cost me my life. But thats not what happened. I nodded and the deal maker snapped his fingers. As soon as he had dark clouds flooded the sky and blocked out the sun, allowing my body to begin repairing itself. The man moved on to where Marsh’s body lay and probably made him the same deal as I felt my body healing. Despite that, my consciousness faded again as I strained to try and hear what the man would say to Marsh.
We never actually discussed the man at all. Not then and not in the years since. Maybe that was all an unspoken part of Marsh’s deal. Maybe both of us just wished that man was nothing more than a waking dream, a vivid hallucination. Whatever the case neither of us ever mentioned that man to each other.
The next time I woke up I was chained to a table next to Marsh. We had been captured and brought before the very scientists we were here to apprehend. There were guards around but they all seemed to be waiting for some kind of order. I was certainly surprised when that order came in perfect English, even more surprised when the order was to let us down so we could talk.
Frank and Stein ended up being quite reasonable people. The two let us stay in relative comfort in the compound as long as we agreed to stay and leave them to their work. That was all the convincing it took for me. I understand that the men I’d served with were all dead and that these two were in some way responsible. Maybe that should’ve bothered me more, today it certainly would’ve. Back then I didn’t think the same way, they accepted me for what I was but only briefly, only out of respect for Marsh. What did the lives of people I’d known for so short a time really matter? Writing this now just makes me realize how cold I was before, I didn’t care for anything beyond myself. I’d made no efforts to find Belle since we were separated and how long had I known her, 100 years, more? I may have pretended I cared but when push came to shove I simply tried to make sure I survived.
Marsh wasn’t as cold as me, in fact he almost immediately reached for where his pistol should’ve been when he was unchained. It took Frank, Stein, and myself weeks to convince him that helping would be the right decision. He didn’t like it at first but little by little I think the scientists grew on him. The guards I’d seen our first day here seemed to thin out the longer we stayed. Wether that was a gesture of trust or simply because they were needed for more important duties I don’t know but it certainly eased Marsh’s mind.
I merely observed the scientists most of the time until Stein asked me for a sample of my blood. It didn’t surprise me that he knew what I was but for obvious reasons I was hesitant to give it to him, especially considering what I’d seen so called doctors do with vampire blood. Eventually he wore me down and I gave let him take a sample just to shut him up. After that I became more involved in their research though not by choice. They had me showcasing my abilities and tested the effects of sunlight on my blood. On a few rare occasions Stein even injected it into other prisoners that were brought in, something I put a stop to very quickly. T
hat sample of blood is why Frank and Stein are still around today. Somehow they managed to isolate whatever part of my DNA allows me to age so much slower than a normal person. They took that and spliced it into their own DNA against my recommendations. The crazy thing was it actually worked. Sure they had a newfound appreciation for rare steaks but beyond that I didn’t notice any of the effects that combining vampire DNA with your own would usually have.
As Marsh and I assisted the scientist’s research however we could we both came to the realization that they needed each other to function. Stein lacked a moral compass and was prone to suggest unethical or risky procedures, sometimes going so far as to carry them out without informing Frank. Frank on the other hand preferred caution in everything he did and sometimes I noticed him personally taking and shredding requests Stein had written for test subjects, hazardous materials, or samples from supernatural entities. The two kept a very delicate dance of checks and balances. Stein ever the daring mad scientist and Frank always playing the role of overly cautious genius.
Marsh and Frank got along extremely well near the end. The two would be up at all hours of the night as Frank explained what kind of things really existed in the world. Marsh always shared these ideas of a world where the supernatural and the normal could live together and I think Frank shared that vision. It wasn’t possible, still isn’t but treating the supernatural as something other than monsters couldn’t possibly be a bad thing. I think thats where the idea of the Bureau of Supernatural Affairs really came from, those talks Marsh had with anyone who would listen.
Overtime one of our favorite conversations was what we would do when the war was over and we could leave this compound. Stein wasn’t sure he would, if his research wasn’t going to a man who’d simply use it to cause more conflict he wouldn’t mind staying. Frank wanted to return home, if that was even possible and he asked if Stein would join him. Those two had also become close friends through our months in the lab. That checks and balances relationship they had made them basically inseparable. Marsh’s answer surprised me though, he said he wanted to get out of the military and start a program, something to help the supernatural live closer to normal lives. At least keep tabs on them so that the quality of their lives might improve. I was stunned, I couldn’t believe he’d throw his career away just to chase this pipe dream of his. I didn’t even know Marsh was concerned with that kind of thing. I didn’t have an answer of my own so I said I’d join Marsh and help with this program idea of his. Actually, even Frank and Stein seemed to agree with Marsh’s way of thinking. Little did we know the war would end less than a month after our talk and we’d all get the chance to actually put Marsh’s little idea to the test.
Once the Americans had come and discovered the compound pretty much abandoned aside from us we were all taken prisoner and shipped back to America. We were all interrogated and they either heard what they wanted to hear, or decided anyone we’d talk to about our experiences would assume we were just crazy. We were released back into society under constant surveillance. They even gave us a sizable home in D.C., it was certainly bugged to its core but thats exactly what we wanted.
Through the next year we used Frank and Steins knowledge and my supernatural nature to track down entities all over the country. We made sure that everything was discussed and planned out in the house. That way however was listening knew exactly what we were doing and how successful it was. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows though, some entities would rather we didn’t know about them. Others were naturally aggressive but some we were actually able to help.
Our escapades as a group of four didn’t last much past the first year. Mostly because our master plan of using the bugs worked perfectly. Ol’ uncle Sam had been listening in and wanted his chance at calling the shots but it meant we became a legitimate organization, the BSA. Technically the acronym was already taken but no one ever complained and Marsh never came up with anything better.
We spent 4 years doing everything we could to improve the lives of supernatural beings everywhere. Not every one of our endeavors was a success but we did some good in the world. One such project was blood banks for vampires. While the blood that gets donated is used for transfusions and the like some was put into cold storage for the BSA. That got distributed to vampires who had come to an agreement with us to stop hunting humans for blood. Some vampires were even selected for jobs at these blood banks, under the supervision of BSA agents of course.
The more human supernaturals like werewolves, vampires, and succubi even used us to find jobs in the world. We made in roads for the supernatural in daily life because of it. Werewolves would use their strength for government construction. Vampire’s long lives made them excellent archivists or history teachers because they actually been there for those events. A succubus’s ability to understand and control someones emotions and reactions made them excellent therapists and conflict deescalation specialists. Those are just some of the fields we managed to get the supernatural involved in. While they usually had to hide their natural they were wildly successful.
Everything went well until that fourth year when I first met Baelen. He was headstrong from the beginning, the powers that be were grooming him for leadership. He was everything they wanted, he followed orders and didn’t question things to much. In short, he was the perfect solution to the inconvenience the four of us caused running the organization as we saw fit. But baleen had a mean streak, he didn’t want to protect the supernatural so much as he wanted to put them in their place. Unfortunately a lot of the research we provided had scared pretty much everyone above us who had never even entertained the idea of the supernatural until now. That meant Baelen’s ideas of monitoring and segregating the supernatural population were popular. So popular that suggesting culling their numbers to keep them in check and under the thumb of the BSA was an idea they actually entertained. That sentiment caught on and our orders became more and more militant.
Every time we disregarded them to do things the way we had envisioned the consequence grew steeper. Eventually Frank, Stein, Marsh, and I just couldn’t stand to see what our BSA had become so we left. We couldn’t do anything else to stop what was coming from the inside, no point in going down with the ship.
After that Baelen quickly ended up heading the whole operation. He still took orders directly from government officials and when the BSA became part of homeland security it became Chimera division. Why they chose such a stupid name I’ll never know but the organization was a shadow of its former self. Before we looked out for the supernatural, tried to help. Under Baelen Chimera just exists to monitor the supernatural and “correct” any issues uncle Sam decides to have with them. They’re glorified enforcers that don’t give a damn how the supernatural actually have it. That’s not to say some good people don’t work for them, people like Belle and even Marsh’s own daughter as far as I’m aware.
It sickens me to think I was a part of it though, for all the good we did maybe it would’ve been better if Johnson Marsh’s pipe dream would’ve stayed just that. I can do a lot but I can’t change the past so I guess we’ll never know. A while ago I heard that something had happened in a little nowhere town out in New Mexico. Pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth. The only reason I even heard about it was through Belle’s letters. Apparently Chimera had to do some huge cover up job and decided it was better if the town just never existed. Maybe I should go myself and see if I can’t piece what happened together. Could be that someone else out there has it in for Chimera and is a whole lot more direct about it than me. I’m just imaging it was some runaway experiment Frank and Stein got up to. I wonder where those two ended up, I’ll have to check up on them sometime. This journal writing is digging up a lot of memories for me but thats probably a good thing. Write them down before I forget again. I think that’ll be all for today then, why do I keep addressing these like someone’s reading them? Not much point to that is there?

Previous Entry
Writing these things has made me realize how different I sound these days. Back when all this started I’m not sure I even spoke English and I certainly didn’t speak like I do now but to be honest, I don’t remember. Trying to recall things to write has made me realize exactly how many little things I’ve forgotten over the years. The sights, the sounds, all those fade into the background of most events.
Even something as visceral as Archer’s basement still takes me a while to recall clearly. I wonder if it’s more than just my long life, we do age after all. I mentioned before that sunlight is not deadly to vampires like myself but very unpleasant, that and it makes us more normal. In the sun I won’t be as strong as I would be in the dark and by my assessment I age in the sun as well. Not any faster than a normal person but I do age, its why I don’t still look like that little boy stuck in Paris anymore.
I did spend quite some time in Paris before I left or rather, escaped. I’m not sure I ever would have left if not for the war. I didn’t have many friends there save for other… I’m not sure what to call them… entities? Whatever you want to cal it I had some friends in the more supernatural parts of the city. A vampire named Belle had become a sort of mother figure to me over the years spent there.
I met her by chance one night as I sated myself in an alley. I was ready to fight but she just laughed and flashed her own fangs at me, ridiculing me for being so careless. It was under her wing where I learned everything I know now about vampires. It’s where I realized not all vampires endure sunlight as well as I do, if anything that one trait is what’s most unique about me according to her. But thats not the story I want to tell on these pages tonight. I want to tell the story of lieutenant Marsh and the real beginnings of the organization that would become Chimera.
When war came to Paris that summer I was unprepared. I never expected the war to spiral out of hand so quickly or for it to force me out of my home. I was with Belle and a few more of her friends whose names escape me waiting out the worst of it and hoping things would blow over in the city soon. Obviously we were completely misguided, it was that sense of invulnerability again just the same as when I was a boy. The world was our playground and nothing could hurt us. It didn’t help that in some ways I really was invulnerable and it went straight to my head.
Only flashes of my memory from that day remain. I remember the nazi soldier kicking in the door and firing at Belle’s friends. I remember the screaming that abruptly ended in a single gunshot. I remember the trail of blood leading to her friends body where it lay staked to the ground in the sun. We heal fast, not instantly but much faster than a human. Put us in sunlight though, and we’re just as fragile as a normal person. It was the first time I’d seen someone with abilities like ours die and it made me feel mortal again for the first time in decades.
The rest of the day is a disjointed blur. Belle and I fled the city, I blank out on the specifics of it but we made it out with some difficulty. After that we hunkered down for the night in a rickety old shack. I remember wanting to push on through the day but Belle protested, she didn’t deal with the sun as well as I did. When night finally fell we fled to the coast and managed to catch a ship heading towards the United States.
The trip was unpleasant to say the least, neither of us made good stowaways. We weren’t living life in the lap of luxury before by any means but we lived comfortably. This was a far cry from what we were used to in Paris and the welcome we received was even worse. Apparently fleeing for your own survival is a crime, both of us were separated and sent to prison on our arrival to the states for stowing away on the ship.
That was the last time I ever saw Belle, I get letters from her every now and then but I haven’t seen her in person since. She does well for herself, works in D.C. as a sort of handler for the supernatural. Regrettably she does work with Chimera, says they have the best interests at heart for the supernatural but she doesn’t see what I see out here. She doesn’t know the part I played in its creation, what it really stood for in the beginning. Chimera tends to kill first these days rather than actually try to help or give the supernatural some kind of place in the world. I think thats why I haven’t been to visit her, I just don’t want to argue with a friend as old as her. Funnily enough I don’t think anyone knows she’s a vampire. I doubt they’d take that very well, she’d probably lose her position. They must have suspicions though because theres no way she’d be able to get letters to me without Baelen knowing about it. Every few months they keep showing up though and I always make sure to write her back.
Anyways I’m getting off topic, back to my story. I was in prison for months until an offer came my way, serve the rest of my sentence or enlist in the army and be a free man when I came back, if I came back. Of course I took the offer, I didn’t realize how suspicious that deal sounded at the time but it actually played out exactly as they said. I also didn’t have much of a choice in the matter either. It was hard to get my hands on any blood when I was almost constantly under watch and I could feel the effects it was having on me. I figured it would be best to get a change of scenery.
The next week I was off to training then not long after, we shipped out to the trenches and met the commander of the platoon I’d been assigned to. That’s the first time I met Lieutenant Johnson Marsh and what a man he was. That first day I was convinced I’d never see a smile ever again, the trenches were a horrible depressing place. But there Marsh was, laughing and smiling and just generally enjoying life with the rest of the platoon. He was either crazy or stupid, thats what my first thoughts about him were. I remember those clearly even today but I couldn’t have been more wrong. If anything he may have turned out to be one of the smartest men I ever knew.
The first few weeks were spent holding our position from the germans. It was brutal but I found I was a decent shot with the rifle I was given. Marsh on the other hand spent those weeks barking orders at us and keeping us in line. He never used a rifle like most of the soldiers used. Instead he kept a Beretta m9 with him at all times. That weapon was the only one I ever saw him use. I remember the name only because he was so found of explaining everything there was to know about the gun to me whenever I questioned him about it. You could immediately recognize the pistol as his by its strange grip. One side of it had a picture of an idyllic scene of a manor house in the middle of a sprawling field. The other had a painting of a woman, his wife I’d guess but he never actually told me if that was there case. He seemed to spend the nights staring with longing at each side of the artistic grip.
I’d never really had a family, even with Belle I’d always felt like I was a bit of an outsider. There was so much I didn’t know about how normal people lived. Even though I’d had friends in Paris we were always kind of hidden away in our own personal corner. There was this separation between us and normal life, even between the other supernaturals in the area.
Here I felt like I was part of something though. Sure I was still lost but so was everyone else, we could be lost together and Marsh would always set us straight in the end. There was something about the man, some piece of him that just understood what we were all going through. He expected a lot from us but he was never unreasonable and several times even argued with command on our behalf when ridiculous orders came our way. I actually wanted to serve with him. The rest of the platoon wasn’t bad but they’d all been given the same deal as me. They were all just there to get out of prison. I’m still not sure what Marsh’s story was, he always kept that to himself but any of us would’ve taken a bullet for that man.
Our first real assignment came maybe three months into my period of indentured service. Our platoon was tasked with rescuing a captured American scientist and capturing a German scientist. The scientists in question were Frank Smith and Stein Hoffman and no, the irony of those names is not lost on me, fits the two of them though. I’m sure doctor Frankenstein wishes he was successful as those two. But before those orders could be acted on we had to overtake a German trench surrounding the compound they were staying in.
That fight was bloody and we lost several good men in the chaos. At one point a trench gun was shoved into my arms and I launched myself into the German trench. I wouldn’t be surprised if ghost stories are still passed around of what I did that day. After I made my way over and into the German trench I lashed out with all I had. Moving with superhuman speed and lashing out with both the bayonet affixed to my gun and my fangs, I fell upon the Germans. They stood little chance as I tore into them and all by my lonesome I ensured we’d face no more resistance.
Marsh was the first over into the now silent trench, I’m glad it was him because I’m not sure anyone else would’ve understood like him. I was holding the German officer to the trench wall, fangs buried in his neck as I fed when I heard footsteps behind me. I dropped him and turned to see Marsh staring questioningly at me. I must’ve been a sight to see, blood dripping from my mouth and covering my bullet torn uniform. Marsh steadied himself for a moment and shouted back to the rest of the platoon,
“Boys hold up a second! Just get down and stay up there a minute won’tcha!”
All of a sudden he took a step forward and a well mannered grin took its usual place on his lips.
“Though You didn’t care for sauerkraut J.?”
The joke stunned me, I fully expected him to shoot me then and there, put me down like the abomination I must’ve looked like to him.
“Lieutenant I…”
But Marsh raised his hands to cut me off.
“Command’d probably want me to shoot’cha, hell maybe I aught’a but I don’t think it’d be right. You seem decent, little odd sure but you’ve got heart, I see it in the way you look out for the boys. Plus I always figured there was some’n off about you. The way you stay out’a the light always seem a little faster and stronger than anyone got the right to be just didn’t figure it’d be…. That.”
Marsh told me pointing to the punctures in the officers neck.
“Thank you lieutenant, Could we keep this between us though sir?”
“Drop the formalities J. Jesus! We’re all friends here.”
“I just don’t want the others to know, they may not be as understanding as you.”
“No can do, but you can tell em’ yourself. Alright men, get on down here!”
In all my years I’d never had to explain myself to anyone up until that point. I guess that day my number was up but I never knew just how understanding people, normal people could be. I’d always lived around the supernatural in Paris, didn’t interact much with the normal people I saw in the streets every day, I didn’t have to. I’d always assumed there was a reason for that but in the moment I realized there wasn’t, not really. I’d just avoided normal people because I feared what they’d think if it came out that I wasn’t like them.
Of course There were some of the men that objected to… what I was. Most of them took after Marsh though. They didn’t really care what I was, I’d proven to them I was a good person and thats all that mattered. I just wish they’d been right about me back then because the truth was I still hadn’t learned to care, not really. Even the ones who objected came around eventually and that night Marsh finally came clean to me about why exactly he was so accepting.
According to him he’d always assumed there was more out there, things beyond human that lived on the fringes of society. Even he always thought he sounded crazy. I was the proof he needed to convince himself he wasn’t. Marsh also told me what we were really doing with the scientists. Both Frank and Stein researched the supernatural, their projects were as secret as secret could be. Marsh’s interests and theories, as personal as he tried to keep them showed up in his file somewhere. The higher ups had handpicked him for this mission because of it. The official story was that Frank had been captured but in reality he defected to further his own research with a like minded individual. Our mission was really to force Frank back into the fold and take Stein along with him.
The more he talked the more I could tell his heart was fully committed to this mission and the final assault tomorrow. I’d never seen someone so… alive. In my extremely long life I don’t think Id ever felt that kind of conviction myself. So I promised him I’d have his back tomorrow no matter what.
Morning broke and with it our assault began. Intel on the German defenses was shoddy at best but we never expected what we’d actually run into. At least three times our number acted as guards so a distraction was in order to give us a window of entry. A few of the men would handle the distraction “however they saw fit” to quote Marsh. Then Marsh and I would make our way into the compound itself and the rest of the platoon would cover us.
For what its worth most of the plan went off without a hitch. A tremendous explosion signaled Marsh and I to press the advantage and rush the confused soldiers that lay in front of us. Some actually turned and ran from me, apparently word of my stunt in the trenches yesterday had spread quickly. The rest of the platoon followed behind us but then our luck ran out with the roar of an engine.
An honest to god panzer tank rolled out of a tunnel we hadn’t seen that ran under the compound and turned its barrel towards us. I almost didn’t hear the blast from how slow time seemed to move. But move it did as the explosion of the shell’s impact scattered bodies left and right. The shell impacted behind us but the sheer force of the blast threw Marsh and I to the ground, knocking us unconscious.
When I slowly came to my eyes couldn’t believe what I was seeing. A man dressed in red priestly robes with a matching red top hat was walking between the bodies. When he approached one that groaned out with agony he’d kneel down and whisper things I couldn’t hear to them, after that he’d snap his fingers. sometimes the person he was talking with would disappear other times they would fall silent and sometimes it didn’t appear that anything happened at all.
Just the sight of the man terrified me and I wasn’t sure why. It was an instinctual reaction, the second I lay eyes on him I froze up and ice cold fear crept its way up my spine. When people accuse me of being the devil this man is who I think of. Even today I’m not sure what it is he does or why. What I do know is that he never looks the same. I’ve seen him appear as male, female, even as an animal on a few occasions but I can always tell. The second I’m near him no matter what he looks like the same old feeling comes over me.
Once my vision had finally focused in on the man he seemed to notice without ever looking at me. I blinked and suddenly he was there, kneeling over me.
“Would you like to live.”
He rasped down at me with a voice that seemed to boom around me no matter how quiet it must’ve actually been. I felt like a child again, staring at Archer for the first time. I’d never really had to fear death before but here I was, sure I was about to meet my end right here. In all honestly I wasn’t injured all that bad, I probably could’ve survived with or without this man help. But something told me that if I said no he’d make sure I would die right here.
“Ye…y… yes”
I stuttered out, barley able to form the words through the pain that stabbed throughout my body.
“You will be my instrument for one night at a time of me choosing.”
The man replied. I stayed silent as I stared into his eyes, trying to determine if the sunglasses he wore were tinted or if his eyes really did burn with an infernal red light. The man cocked his head as if waiting for a response to his question. I’m not sure if question was the right word though, there wasn’t much of a choice for me.
Looking back there was always a choice, maybe I could’ve survived on my own merits, found another way. In the years to come I’d wish I just said no, even if it would’ve cost me my life. But thats not what happened. I nodded and the deal maker snapped his fingers. As soon as he had dark clouds flooded the sky and blocked out the sun, allowing my body to begin repairing itself. The man moved on to where Marsh’s body lay and probably made him the same deal as I felt my body healing. Despite that, my consciousness faded again as I strained to try and hear what the man would say to Marsh.
We never actually discussed the man at all. Not then and not in the years since. Maybe that was all an unspoken part of Marsh’s deal. Maybe both of us just wished that man was nothing more than a waking dream, a vivid hallucination. Whatever the case neither of us ever mentioned that man to each other.
The next time I woke up I was chained to a table next to Marsh. We had been captured and brought before the very scientists we were here to apprehend. There were guards around but they all seemed to be waiting for some kind of order. I was certainly surprised when that order came in perfect English, even more surprised when the order was to let us down so we could talk.
Frank and Stein ended up being quite reasonable people. The two let us stay in relative comfort in the compound as long as we agreed to stay and leave them to their work. That was all the convincing it took for me. I understand that the men I’d served with were all dead and that these two were in some way responsible. Maybe that should’ve bothered me more, today it certainly would’ve. Back then I didn’t think the same way, they accepted me for what I was but only briefly, only out of respect for Marsh. What did the lives of people I’d known for so short a time really matter? Writing this now just makes me realize how cold I was before, I didn’t care for anything beyond myself. I’d made no efforts to find Belle since we were separated and how long had I known her, 100 years, more? I may have pretended I cared but when push came to shove I simply tried to make sure I survived.
Marsh wasn’t as cold as me, in fact he almost immediately reached for where his pistol should’ve been when he was unchained. It took Frank, Stein, and myself weeks to convince him that helping would be the right decision. He didn’t like it at first but little by little I think the scientists grew on him. The guards I’d seen our first day here seemed to thin out the longer we stayed. Wether that was a gesture of trust or simply because they were needed for more important duties I don’t know but it certainly eased Marsh’s mind.
I merely observed the scientists most of the time until Stein asked me for a sample of my blood. It didn’t surprise me that he knew what I was but for obvious reasons I was hesitant to give it to him, especially considering what I’d seen so called doctors do with vampire blood. Eventually he wore me down and I gave let him take a sample just to shut him up. After that I became more involved in their research though not by choice. They had me showcasing my abilities and tested the effects of sunlight on my blood. On a few rare occasions Stein even injected it into other prisoners that were brought in, something I put a stop to very quickly. T
hat sample of blood is why Frank and Stein are still around today. Somehow they managed to isolate whatever part of my DNA allows me to age so much slower than a normal person. They took that and spliced it into their own DNA against my recommendations. The crazy thing was it actually worked. Sure they had a newfound appreciation for rare steaks but beyond that I didn’t notice any of the effects that combining vampire DNA with your own would usually have.
As Marsh and I assisted the scientist’s research however we could we both came to the realization that they needed each other to function. Stein lacked a moral compass and was prone to suggest unethical or risky procedures, sometimes going so far as to carry them out without informing Frank. Frank on the other hand preferred caution in everything he did and sometimes I noticed him personally taking and shredding requests Stein had written for test subjects, hazardous materials, or samples from supernatural entities. The two kept a very delicate dance of checks and balances. Stein ever the daring mad scientist and Frank always playing the role of overly cautious genius.
Marsh and Frank got along extremely well near the end. The two would be up at all hours of the night as Frank explained what kind of things really existed in the world. Marsh always shared these ideas of a world where the supernatural and the normal could live together and I think Frank shared that vision. It wasn’t possible, still isn’t but treating the supernatural as something other than monsters couldn’t possibly be a bad thing. I think thats where the idea of the Bureau of Supernatural Affairs really came from, those talks Marsh had with anyone who would listen.
Overtime one of our favorite conversations was what we would do when the war was over and we could leave this compound. Stein wasn’t sure he would, if his research wasn’t going to a man who’d simply use it to cause more conflict he wouldn’t mind staying. Frank wanted to return home, if that was even possible and he asked if Stein would join him. Those two had also become close friends through our months in the lab. That checks and balances relationship they had made them basically inseparable. Marsh’s answer surprised me though, he said he wanted to get out of the military and start a program, something to help the supernatural live closer to normal lives. At least keep tabs on them so that the quality of their lives might improve. I was stunned, I couldn’t believe he’d throw his career away just to chase this pipe dream of his. I didn’t even know Marsh was concerned with that kind of thing. I didn’t have an answer of my own so I said I’d join Marsh and help with this program idea of his. Actually, even Frank and Stein seemed to agree with Marsh’s way of thinking. Little did we know the war would end less than a month after our talk and we’d all get the chance to actually put Marsh’s little idea to the test.
Once the Americans had come and discovered the compound pretty much abandoned aside from us we were all taken prisoner and shipped back to America. We were all interrogated and they either heard what they wanted to hear, or decided anyone we’d talk to about our experiences would assume we were just crazy. We were released back into society under constant surveillance. They even gave us a sizable home in D.C., it was certainly bugged to its core but thats exactly what we wanted.
Through the next year we used Frank and Steins knowledge and my supernatural nature to track down entities all over the country. We made sure that everything was discussed and planned out in the house. That way however was listening knew exactly what we were doing and how successful it was. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows though, some entities would rather we didn’t know about them. Others were naturally aggressive but some we were actually able to help.
Our escapades as a group of four didn’t last much past the first year. Mostly because our master plan of using the bugs worked perfectly. Ol’ uncle Sam had been listening in and wanted his chance at calling the shots but it meant we became a legitimate organization, the BSA. Technically the acronym was already taken but no one ever complained and Marsh never came up with anything better.
We spent 4 years doing everything we could to improve the lives of supernatural beings everywhere. Not every one of our endeavors was a success but we did some good in the world. One such project was blood banks for vampires. While the blood that gets donated is used for transfusions and the like some was put into cold storage for the BSA. That got distributed to vampires who had come to an agreement with us to stop hunting humans for blood. Some vampires were even selected for jobs at these blood banks, under the supervision of BSA agents of course.
The more human supernaturals like werewolves, vampires, and succubi even used us to find jobs in the world. We made in roads for the supernatural in daily life because of it. Werewolves would use their strength for government construction. Vampire’s long lives made them excellent archivists or history teachers because they actually been there for those events. A succubus’s ability to understand and control someones emotions and reactions made them excellent therapists and conflict deescalation specialists. Those are just some of the fields we managed to get the supernatural involved in. While they usually had to hide their natural they were wildly successful.
Everything went well until that fourth year when I first met Baelen. He was headstrong from the beginning, the powers that be were grooming him for leadership. He was everything they wanted, he followed orders and didn’t question things to much. In short, he was the perfect solution to the inconvenience the four of us caused running the organization as we saw fit. But baleen had a mean streak, he didn’t want to protect the supernatural so much as he wanted to put them in their place. Unfortunately a lot of the research we provided had scared pretty much everyone above us who had never even entertained the idea of the supernatural until now. That meant Baelen’s ideas of monitoring and segregating the supernatural population were popular. So popular that suggesting culling their numbers to keep them in check and under the thumb of the BSA was an idea they actually entertained. That sentiment caught on and our orders became more and more militant.
Every time we disregarded them to do things the way we had envisioned the consequence grew steeper. Eventually Frank, Stein, Marsh, and I just couldn’t stand to see what our BSA had become so we left. We couldn’t do anything else to stop what was coming from the inside, no point in going down with the ship.
After that Baelen quickly ended up heading the whole operation. He still took orders directly from government officials and when the BSA became part of homeland security it became Chimera division. Why they chose such a stupid name I’ll never know but the organization was a shadow of its former self. Before we looked out for the supernatural, tried to help. Under Baelen Chimera just exists to monitor the supernatural and “correct” any issues uncle Sam decides to have with them. They’re glorified enforcers that don’t give a damn how the supernatural actually have it. That’s not to say some good people don’t work for them, people like Belle and even Marsh’s own daughter as far as I’m aware.
It sickens me to think I was a part of it though, for all the good we did maybe it would’ve been better if Johnson Marsh’s pipe dream would’ve stayed just that. I can do a lot but I can’t change the past so I guess we’ll never know. A while ago I heard that something had happened in a little nowhere town out in New Mexico. Pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth. The only reason I even heard about it was through Belle’s letters. Apparently Chimera had to do some huge cover up job and decided it was better if the town just never existed. Maybe I should go myself and see if I can’t piece what happened together. Could be that someone else out there has it in for Chimera and is a whole lot more direct about it than me. I’m just imaging it was some runaway experiment Frank and Stein got up to. I wonder where those two ended up, I’ll have to check up on them sometime. This journal writing is digging up a lot of memories for me but thats probably a good thing. Write them down before I forget again. I think that’ll be all for today then, why do I keep addressing these like someone’s reading them? Not much point to that is there?