i know the crew said they are dressing in toga’s for the live show but what are the vibes for the audience? i’m not trying to be the only girly playing dress up lol

Sorry for the long post...I was in the middle of an attempt at hiking the PCT and I sustained an injury that is preventing me from completing my hike. I am thinking of switching gears (no pun intended) and riding from Southern California to New York. I have a few months off work and this is likely the only time in my life I will be able to have time like this off work. I have grown up riding bikes (BMX, Enduro, Etc.) and rode competitively for a number of years. With that said, I have never riding "touring" style. Am I out of my mind for thinking of attempting this? I have no one in my inner circle that has done anything like this and all I keep hearing is "your crazy". Looking for some advice. Thank you!!

Hi all! First off, so glad this sub reddit exists because it was a life saver when I was making decisions on my own ACLr and knowing what to expect from surgery. I'm a 2x cancer surviver, Paramedic, Rugby player, and now have been a caregiver to my partner who just celebrated 3 months from her own ACLr. I collected a bunch of advice and tips and tricks that I have used both during cancer treatment, my own experience with ACLr, and now through care taking my partner through hers. I know there have been guides before, but mine is a bit different and aimed at caregivers so I thought I'd post it here since ya'll helped me so much instead of it just circulating the rugby community every time a teammate or friend has to have ACLr or some other reconstruction. Hope it's allowed and helps!
A Cancer Patients Guide To Knee Reconstruction Recovery
A Comprehensive Guide To Surviving and Thriving In the Pre and Post-op Period Built From The Perspective of Caretaker and Patient.
Before The Date
__/__/____

Preparation

It is important to adequately prepare for surgery in the weeks and days leading up to the procedure. A significant period of immobility and reliance on support can be expected immediately post-op and will vary by procedure and personal experience. Physical modification of living space and thorough preparation allows for the immediate post-op period to be free of emergency store runs and the small inconveniences that can add up to big frustration. Not having food and drink nearby as well as other essentials may be a small deal now, but can turn into a big deal when you can no longer get those things for yourself. While physical preparation (home modifications, adaptive tools, meal prepping, etc.) are important, mental preparation is crucial to the long term success of the repair. Making small, achievable goals in the immediate post-op period and maintaining a long sighted view of recovery will make the pain and immobility that is initially experienced more bearable. Additionally, social support through a partner, family members, or friends is an essential part of recovery, as is maintaining contact with sports teams or other social groups during rehabilitation.

General PEARLs

• Pre-surgical rehab is an essential part of recovery and can improve immediate outcome so if it is a resource available to you- use it!
• Learn the basics of your procedure such as reconstruction technique, graft type, surgeons recovery timeline, where you will do your rehab, and what you should expect going into and coming out of surgery. Knowledge is power and can give a sense of control and set reasonable expectations in a situation that is otherwise out of your control.
• Seek out positive experiences and recovery stories from other people who have had your procedure and gather as much advice as possible from resources such as ACL. Know that some people will have negative experiences, everyone is an individual, and that much of your long term recovery is in your control.
• Expect and learn to advocate for yourself or the person you are taking care of. Be vocal and honest with any needs you may have and understand that issues may come up in the immediate post-operative time that you as a patient or caregiver may have to contact your surgeon to resolve. Familiarize yourself with who to call and when *before* you leave after surgery, as well as being quick to call with any questions or problems that arise. It is better to be told that what you are experiencing is normal than to sit with the anxiety of the unknown.
• Create a folder with all relevant information: Surgeons name, procedure information, follow-up appointment dates and times, phone numbers, emergency contacts, facility of choice in an emergency situation, and any other important information. Maintain this folder throughout your recovery and add paperwork as it comes.

Days Leading Up To Surgery

• Contact support people and confirm any arrangements that have been made including but not limited to: Who is taking you to/from surgery, child or pet care, transportation to first PT appointments, meals, etc.
• Recommended Items we found essential:
  • Ice Machine (Polarcube, etc) if at all possible
    • Recommend checking facebook marketplace or other second hand options, as they cost hundreds new but can be found for $40 or so used.
    • Studies have shown these do actually reduce pain and lend to earlier mobilisation and our experience has shown this to be essential not just immediately post-op but in the weeks and months afterwards so if you *can* obtain one you absolutely should.
  • Large sweatshirt and oversized shorts for surgery day, especially if you wear a bra, as putting clothes on after surgery can be a struggle and it’s easiest to just throw on a sweatshirt and shorts that fit over your post-op bandages and brace.
    • In particular, we found a blanket hoodie to be very useful both for going home and the first few days as it could stay on when moving around/when napping.
  • Neck Pillow
    • Helps with reading or other activities during long hours spent in bed or on the couch and really helped in the first two days to prevent neck strain and provide head positioning during napping.
  • Large pillows for body positioning and elevation of the leg
    • We found cheap, giant, dog beds from places like TJ Max or Marshalls to be more affordable than specialty products
    • A large, thin, dog bed (or blanket) rolled into a tube and secured with stretch bandage or tape around the surgical leg and brace helped significantly with comfort during sleep so that the leg was padded, comfortable, and the other leg didn’t get roughed up from the brace.
  • A shower chair
    • Can be found used at second hand stores like Goodwill, or cheap online
    • Easy substitute is a chair covered in a trash bag
    • Allowed showering the second day post-op which was a huge mental boost and relieved physical discomfort and achy muscles
  • Extra large leg cast cover
    • Can be found cheap online
    • Placed around outside of brace covering the entire leg initially, we then found it easier to place on the leg and place the brace outside of the cover for the remaining healing period for the incisions: We did this after the first PT appointment when it was safe to take off the brace for short periods while laying down. We acquired a second post op brace from a friend (you can find on eBay for cheap) and it was amazing to have, as we could let it dry after showering and immediately put her post op brace back on.
  • Foldable stool
    • Great for elevating the leg during transfers, while on the toilet, etc.
  • Lap Desk
    • Great for eating on the couch or in bed, but we also found it useful as a side table for holding drinks/meds/remotes/books that could be taken to whatever room they landed in at the time
    • A small table works as well, really just anything that can be used to set things on within arms reach
  • Assortment of sodas, water, seltzers, snacks, etc.
    • There is no way to know what you will want and when, but when you want it it’s nice to *have* it available
    • Appetite often decreases after surgery so make sure to have favourites on hand so that when you *are* hungry you have it immediately before your body changes its mind
  • A big bucket
    • We used a soft plastic beach type bucket from the dollar store, it was extremely useful to have to put small items in, a small towel, a spare water bottle, extra meds, baby wipes, etc.
    • Also doubled as an emergency puke bucket, as you never know when a sudden bout of nausea might hit in the first day or two after surgery
  • Extra reusable ice packs and bags of ice
    • Your home ice maker will not be able to keep up with the demands of constant icing the first week or so
    • Reusable ones are great for ‘hot spots’ and short trips where you can’t take the ice machine
  • Extra steri-strips and assortment of bandages
    • Sometimes there’s extra leakage, sometimes your steri-strips come off and you need to slap a new one on, sometimes you’re allergic to the ones they put on you at the hospital. Always consult a medical professional, but it’s handy to have these on hand just in case.
    • We also used a bulky padded bandaid to keep the brace off the healing incisions once the large post-op dressing was taken off which helped immensely.
  • Compression sleeves
    • Aside from helping with swelling these also provided a layer of protection under the post-op brace
    • We found cheap ones at Wal-Mart (copper brand) but also just bought a cheap pair of leggings a size down and cut off one of the legs to use before getting a more expensive one once swelling had fully subsided after a few weeks. Your leg will change so cheap works great at first, then you can get something a bit more substantial when you know what you’ll need long term. Now she wears high compression socks to sleep 3 months out.
  • Slide on shoes
    • Self explanatory, bending down to put on shoes becomes a chore after surgery. Avoid flip flops or other styles that can become a trip hazard.
  • Baby Wipes/Dude Wipes/etc.
    • Wiping down after you get home from surgery can help prevent that icky feeling and restore some sense of normalcy, then can be used over the next few days before you can shower more normally
  • Lotion and chapstick
    • Hospitals dry out your skin big time, and lips are often cracked post surgery from intubation/LMA placement
  • Small, easily labelled tupperware containers
    • Regular pill containers are too small to hold pain meds, OTC pain meds, anticoagulants such as aspirin, supplements, and edibles or other small things you take with your medication. We got small tupperware boxes with lids from the dollar store.
    • We found it very convenient to have six sets of meds set up and labelled with times which meant we never missed doses and could leave the next dose of meds at bedside, take them with us when going to appointments, and keep up with what had been given and when.
  • Small notebook to record med times and other important information
  • Two extra changes of clothes already setup and ready to go
  • Compression device
    • We are athletes so we already had leg compression sleeves but these days off brand versions can be bought online cheap. Studies have shown these lead to reduced pain, increased mobilisation, reduced the chance of blood clots, and there is even some evidence they help with bone healing.
    • We used it 3 days post op and beyond and her range of motion was significantly improved after the first time.
  • A yoga strap
    • Excellent for strapping to the brace and moving the surgical leg
• If possible, pick up post-op medications prior to surgery to prevent any unexpected delay in obtaining them. If this is not possible, verify that the prescription can be filled the day of the surgery by your selected pharmacy and that it has been filled prior to leaving after your surgery. Controlled substances cannot be transferred to another pharmacy without a new prescription sent directly from the provider. You do not want to be trying to get in contact with a physician in the hours after surgery, unable to manage pain, before the pharmacies close for the night.
• Do a thorough clean of your living area, it will make the time after surgery when you cannot independently do normal activities more bearable and a neat organised space is easier to function in when your body is not cooperating. Take special attention to removing tripping hazards and clearing a wide path from wherever you plan to spend your recovery and the bathroom.
• Plan to spend the first couple of days in one spot and on one floor and set up that area the day before surgery. If you have a downstairs bathroom a floor mattress or well setup couch can be your landing pad until you are more mobile and is the easiest during the immediate post-op period. That being said, if you don’t, it’s easier to get upstairs by sliding up on your bum immediately post-op when your pain is still well controlled than realise that you have no bathroom downstairs a few hours later when the pain has started to set in. Wherever you intend to land, plan on staying there at least a couple of days and bring all your supplies to that area. Plan to lay with your surgical leg on the outside of what you are laying on, this makes transferring easier.
• Have your recovery bed setup the day before surgery and prepared for when you return before you leave the day of, including blankets and your supply table setup.
• Meal prep, whether that means cooking or getting easy to make microwave meals is up to you. You won’t feel like cooking and neither will your caretaker the first few days. High protein, easy to eat meals are key! We had chicken and broccoli casserole, egg and sausage frittata, and lots of applesauce the first few days and it was a lifesaver not to have to think about meals.
• Spend some time mentally preparing for the long haul of recovery and make long term plans that fit within your timeline. For example, we planned to attend a rugby game five days after surgery *but* planned nothing else for that day and the next day. We also planned hiking trips the next fall, and other events appropriate for her timeline along the way that could be looked forward to and keep up morale. Remember that this is temporary and that it is okay to be recovering and resting, expect hard moments and days but keep things planned so you don’t get stuck in those down places.
• Eat your favourite meal and eat well the day before surgery. Your body needs fuel to recover and fasting the day of surgery sucks. As weird as it sounds, after multiple surgeries, the pre-surgery night meal of whatever I want is one shiny thing in a crappy situation to hold on to.
• Plan for what you want your first meal to be and consider making a playlist for the ride to and from surgery. Small things, again, help maintain a sense of control and comfort in a situation where you are largely out of control and these things can be done with friends or support people in the days leading up to reduce anxiety and pass time.
• Hit the gym, take a walk, do a hike, visit places or do things you enjoy but won’t be able to do in immediate recovery! We took my partners knee to one last tournament before her surgery, it helped pass time and kept spirits high.

Day Of And Immediate Post-Surgery Phase

• Maintain fasting starting at whatever hour you are told. Some people can drink clear liquids up to a certain point, others are completely nothing by mouth. Your instructions will guide you on this.
• Before leaving home double check that everything is set up how you need it and place a blanket, pillow, drink, and snack of choice in the car. You may or may not need it but if you do it is important to have. Make sure your ice packs are in the freezer ready to go!
• Bring your own post-op snack if you are picky or have food allergies, otherwise you’re stuck with whatever graham cracker and applesauce combo the facility gives you.
• Go with the flow, or as I always say “surrender”. Feel what you feel, have a cry in the car before you go in, listen to your playlist, bring your blanket or other comfort items into pre-op, tell your support person what’s going through your mind, tell your pre-op staff how you’re doing, ask all the questions, and most importantly just do what you have to do. For some people surgery can be overwhelming and the loss of control frightening, but fighting only makes it worse, so whatever you are just be it. I’m pre-op pacer myself, but some people just snuggle up under some warm blankets and wait. Either way, just let the waves take you where they go and know you’re along for the ride. Remember that future you with a healthy joint thanks you for what you’re doing today.
• Speak frankly with your anesthesiologist and utilise any pain control or anxiety control options given to you. There is no award for least meds taken or toughest patient of the day. If a nerve block is available, know that you can request sedation for its placement, and utilise that option if at all possible.
• Caregivers should bring something to keep them entertained and be prepared for a long period without update once surgery has started. Honour your feelings as well, it can be tough to watch someone you care about go through this! Consider having someone to act as a support person for you as well through text or phone, that way you can divert your own worries or struggles to them and away from the person having surgery while still making sure you are also taken care of.
• Make sure that pain is well controlled before leaving after surgery. You have more options there than you will at home and getting things under control once pain has become unbearable can be very difficult.
• Make sure you note when the next dose of medication is due, what medication they should be taking, and write it down.
• Double check contacts from your surgeons office and add any post op paperwork to your folder in case you need the information later.
• If your post-op meal requires picking up, or your prescription, try and do that immediately after leaving surgery even if you are not hungry yet. This is the most comfortable you will be for a while and your support person will be unable to leave for at least that day and night. I have been known to peruse the big gas station after surgery in search of snacks, my partner however simply waved to the nice people at the drive through and napped the rest of the way home before eating some hours later.
• Once you get home crash wherever you plan on spending the rest of the time. Don’t have friends or family over that first day. Just go ahead and sleep through the rest of the anaesthesia and get comfortable.
• Try and keep your home cool, and consider keeping the room dim for the first few hours if not days. Sleep is precious and pain meds can make you hot, and getting hot can lead to nausea. It is better to have the home cool and the person snuggled under blankets and comfortable than be trying to cool someone down who just had surgery and got too hot and is now dizzy, nauseous, and miserable. The least stimulation for the first little while the better, and naps will happen throughout the rest of the day and over the next few days. A cool, dim place lets this happen much easier than a bright, warm place where they might be overstimulated or awakened by noise or activity.
• If allowed, try and activate the quad muscle immediately after returning home and once every few hours by having them squeeze it and feeling for contraction while in the brace. Some people will be able to begin range of motion exercises immediately and if so, make sure to do them as soon as allowed even if that means just helping them by doing gentle manual range of motion movements in the brace.
• If it’s not already on, begin continuous icing as soon as you come out of surgery either by meticulously timing the replacement of ice packs or with the ice machine. Make sure to check the ice machine, replace ice as often as needed, and keep it on *continuously* for the next few days. For us this meant I checked it at every medication dose throughout the night and added ice during that time as well. We went through frozen mini water bottles and bags of ice like crazy the first week.
• Elevate the surgical leg as high as possible, placing support under the heel and calf but not directly under the knee to promote extension and prevent more headaches with gaining range of motion later on.
  • We found that icepacks directly under the knee helped tremendously with the discomfort associated with this.
• Anticipate that bathroom trips will not be fun or easy and take them extremely slow. As a caregiver allow the person to guide you on what they need and don’t need your help with and avoid grabbing or moving someone unexpectedly. Standing, acclimating to being upright, and then proceeding to the bathroom is the best way to do things and rushing will only result in frustration for both of you. A rolling chair or wheelchair can be helpful, but for some people standing up and sitting down is harder than just moving on to the bathroom. Pay attention as a caregiver and know that it is possible they may need your help getting off the toilet or back from the bathroom so be close by and available should that happen. For the first few days do not lock the bathroom door in case of an emergency.
• Place chairs or things to sit on around your path to the bathroom, kitchen, etc. And consider a small backpack or using a rolling chair to carry items around the house.
• Once you know when your next dose is, set alarms for each time your doses are due. If using the med boxes this makes doing meds and keeping track very easy, as they are each labelled with a time and all we had to do was open the box and take the meds instead of finding each bottle and dosing each med individually each time. As the days went on we were able to re-label and time the boxes as needed and remove meds as needed or adapt to what was needed when sleeping or up during the day.
  • For example day 1 would look like:
    • First post-op doses at 4pm box: 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 5mg edible.
    • 8pm box: 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 800mg ibuprofen, 10mg edible, 12.5mg diphenhydramine (itching and sleep), stool softener, and regular night time meds.
    • Midnight box: 250mg tylenol, 5mg oxycodone, 5mg edible.
    • 4AM: 250mg tylenol, 5mg oxycodone, 800mg ibuprofen, edible (if nauseas or restless).
    • 8AM box (preparing to get up): 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 5mg edible, aspirin, stool softener, normal morning meds.
    • 12pm: 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 5mg edible, 800mg ibuprofen.
    • Repeated on time, reducing pain med dose as tolerable, and refilling boxes 1x a day.
• If possible do scheduled tylenol (paracetamol) and ibuprofen (or another NSAID), alternating them on the dosing schedule, and take them religiously even through the night. This also goes for additional pain medications, which you will also need to wake to take through the night if you are prescribed for at least the first night.
• Staying on schedule might mean waking up in the night, but it’s better to be awoken to take meds than to wake up in pain and spend several hours trying to get it under control. You may find you seldom need them if your nerve block is in place, or you may just not need very much at all during your recovery. It is easier to trial run this after the first day by stretching out the time between doses from 4 to 6 to 8 and then potentially off entirely, but everyone will have their preferences.
• Eat a small snack with every med dose and keep emergency meds (extra pain med doses, nausea meds, etc.) at bedside as well as the next set of meds due so they can be taken when it is time.
• We found that edibles were a great addition to pain and nausea control after surgery. There are medication options available and having at least one option for nausea is advisable for the first few days after surgery when anaesthesia and medication can really make you want to puke.
• Expect absolutely nothing in the first few days post-op. Some people will feel well enough to move around, others will not be able to do anything but get up to use the bathroom. Expecting nothing is better than expecting more and being disappointed or frustrated. I would highly suggest not making plans until your first follow up 7 or so days after surgery.
• Be obsessive about icing, meds, any PT you have been given, and keeping track of appointments. Give yourself the best start to your recovery that you can and you will thank yourself later!

I (27M) and her (24F) have broken up and it's been more than 5 months now and we were in LDR for 3 years. 3 months before the break up, we went for a trip. We were in LDR and this meet was after 3 months and we both were pretty excited. The place we went was pretty touristic, beaches, aesthetics, vibes, chill etc.
My male friend (27M) lives in the same place where we planned our trip. Me and him know each other since 6 years through same college. At the end of the college we grew closer. He has met my girlfriend once when I made her meet my friends once 2 years ago. Since then they both are familiar with each other, follow each other on social media.
When we started planning the trip, we 3 we're involved in it. We thoroughly planned a 4 day trip, though mostly it was me who planned most of it. I was bearing all my girlfriend's expense as she hasn't started earning yet and still a student.
The trip happened. Throughout the trip, I observed that my girlfriend was hanging out more with him than me, talking more with him than me, was wearing short dresses whenever we 3 were there. I didn't really liked her attitude. According to the plan we were supposed to have drinks on beach side and I love that. But these two said they didn't want to go beach side and we ended up having drinks inside which I didn't really liked. Then the next day, i wanted to do water sports but these two were so drunk that they were not willing to wake up early in the morning. They both firmly said no when I told them we'll go for water sports early in the morning and I was so angry about it, I went to bed angrily. My gf, lying beside me on the bed, asked what's wrong and i sulked. She said are you gonna be okay and I just ignored. She fell asleep. Morning she had woken up early and I was asleep and I found them both talking, having fun conversations and i really felt left out.
My male friend asked her to wake me up and I was so angry about her behaviour I ended up throwing tantrums. And then when I confronted them both about how I badly wanted to do water sports, she told me if I wanted so badly you should have stated that at night so that we could have gone in the morning. After some talks, I let it go.
Then again the next day i found her showing more interest whenever he was involved compared to times when only two of us were there. We two were planning to go somewhere and she was so disinterested but then when I said we'll meet him there, she showed excitement.
Later on once the trip was over, when we talked about it, she told she was finding his vibes good and so she was hanging out more with him and didn't wanted him to make him feel left out by us being lovey dovey couple.
Really? Since when she started caring about his feelings more than mine? Later on she ended up cheating on me by showing interest in some guy in her college and we broke up.
Now am I the asshole for reacting the way I did? Boys, how close is your girlfriend with your guy friends? Do you get insecure or feel left out? I wanna talk about it so that I can have reality check on myself and the situation but we don't talk anymore. even though I can contact her on call, i don't trust her anymore and whatever she says, she'll make it look like she was the right person in all the situations.
So please help me. What do I do if any of my future partners do this again? Feel free to analyse the situation and guide me. Thank you in advance
Some things about my ex: 1. She cheated on me with her ex (basically she went for closure sex and made me believe it was him who tried to force on her the entire time) 2. She wanted an open relationship 3. She went out with a guy once but later dropped because I said I didn't like open relationship 4. I found some shady texts with guys on WhatsApp and snap during the same trip

That will be a long post, I hope you can accompany me until the end, I will give you a little context and I will start with my story. I 24 (F) I clarify that I am a trans girl, my ex 27 (M) heterosexual cisgender had never had a trans girlfriend. We met through a social network. We realized that we lived nearby and decided to go out to eat, before seeing each other in person I made it clear to him that I was a trans girl, which took him by surprise, it was something that he was not expected, but he still said that he felt something inside his being that told him that there was no problem. two weeks after seeing us for the first time he asked me to become his girlfriend to which I agreed because he is an excellent human being with very good values, good ethics and morals and definitely men like him difficult to find today. the relationship flowed and at about three months, he decides to leave me. He had a lot of things in his head. He was waiting for a new job, struggling with insecurities and I know that the fact that I was trans somehow took away his sleep and I didn't know how he was going to handle it with his traditional family. he lied telling me a story saying that he had to go to Las Vegas for work, for a year and a half and that he could not continue with a long-distance relationship, at the passage of the hours he confesses to me that it was a lie that he was not gonna leave. At this point deep inside me, I had already left him, I had cried and I had suffered the grief and even though I agreed to continue trying something in m broke from that first time he left me, with the passage of time, I realized that there were things that did not convince me at all his physical appearance, his personal hygiene, his height, his neediness, his way of being so closed in certain things, they made me quite angry, we talked about it, he told me that he was going to change, but I only saw changes for a certain time and then he did the same again 6 months after being in a relationship I decided to finish things this time on my own and within hours, he came regretful, telling me that everything was going to be fine that everything was going to work. After that I began to feel a little uncomfortable, but I decided to move on because he had given me a promise ring when he asked me to be his girl, since his dream was to see me dressed in white. we made many plans for the future, we planned to have a family. A month ago He managed to get that job that he was waiting for so long, everything was slowly taking form and in order to accomplish the plans we had he needed that very good job. I was able to meet his mom, he never told her that I was a trans girl and his mom didn't realize it and he kept hiding it until certain point, I got along very well with her. Everything went well and the date to meet his dad, brothers and his sister-in-law was near and I began having doubts in me. I really wanted to stay with him and meet his whole family but It would seem like an act of bad taste if a few months after i decided to end up things. Then I tried to postpone things and not meet them. when spending time with him when sleeping together when kissing, I already felt different. I felt that something was off. I felt that something had broken since that first time, we broke up, but maybe I hadn't wanted to accept it. It hurt me a lot to think that all our plans, the great work he just got, the big salary, was finally coming true, everything we waited for almost a year. I just wasn't feeling it anymore, I talked to him and told him that I no longer felt the same as he deserved someone who could give him the same thing he expected since he was settling for the little I gave him of my person, he said that this was love and that it was worth fighting and that it didn't matter how long he had to wait that it was going to be worth it. Two weeks ago, I decided to leave him and coincidentally a best friend invited me on vacation with his family. I had time to think about things and I realized that maybe I'm too young to get married. Although I feel ready, were simply mixed feelings and I didn't know what to do, when I returned last weekend we saw each other we talked and I told him that it was time to heal both for him and for me that we could not continue living a half-love because he gave everything for me, but I didn’t. I decided to put an end to our story, he told me that he would never understand why I did it if he tried so hard that if this was actually love because why I did not continue fighting, but there was simply something inside me that It made me feel that I should no longer continue and it hurts me because he is an excellent man, he will be an excellent husband, an excellent father, an excellent provider has all the qualities that any girl would die to find a man, but I simply do not know if I am getting carried away and I will regret it in the future, but I simply no longer feel this relationship. I would like you to share your opinion with me. I feel that in the future, a part of me may regret it, but for now I feel that it is the best thing for both of us to take different paths and take care of healing and doing things. Better. Maybe in our next relationship. Thank you for reading me so far, I told you it would be long. If you have any questions, leave it at the comments and I will answer since I can't put all the details here because it would be too much. Thank you. Kisses. Melina.
TL;DR I need advice if I should fight for a man that is worth it but I don’t longer feel the relationship and am not sure to continue even though I might regret it since he’s an excellent men.

As a teenager, I dreamed of having a friend I could share everything with. While I did have several friends growing up, even being a part of a friend group in college, I always felt lonely and misunderstood. I always felt like I didn't belong, and I used to think I'd be happier elsewhere, the feeling that never truly disappeared.
So, as I approached my 30s, it became clear that life just happens and you get left behind. When you do meet someone new, someone you can actually trust and someone you genuinely grow to love as a friend, you often realize after a while that you've come into their life a little too late. It's as if you're easily replaceable, disposable even. They often have their other friends, they're too busy and they have their own struggles. They may live far away or they may have moved years ago and the two of you have only grown closer now. And none of that is their fault!
It does hurt and make you feel regretful. You spend hours wondering if you could've done things differently. You blame yourself for not being stronger and braver in the past, for not taking risks. But you're still as passionate as ever; you're grateful for those few friendships left and you hope they'll stick around. You can't beat loneliness with more loneliness after all.

I swear 50% of my brain fatigue comes from having to choose what to eat every fricken day.
I’ve always been a picky eater but I’m especially bad with eggs and meat. I’ve worked my way up to 2 poached eggs once or twice a week, but that’s it and anymore and I start to get grossed out. And I really dislike poultry dark meat and pork. I do like beef and chicken breast but unless it’s freshly cooked I don’t like them plain (with just seasoning), they really need to be dressed up or eaten with something else for me to stomach it.
My body has recently decided it can no longer digest dairy, which is where at least 50% of my protein was coming from. It has also decided to become sensitive to GOS which is found in chickpeas (hummus), tahini, tofu, soy, almonds, etc.
One of my go to protein sources used to be Greek yogurt. It’s SO easy and filling and I don’t even have to think about it while I eat it, I can just get it in. I also used to eat a lot of hummus at lunch because again it was easy and I didn’t have to think about it. Oh and cheese was another big protein source! 2 babybels have 10g of protein and are easy to have as a snack.
The only protein powder that doesn’t cause painful bloating now is unflavoured pea protein which is honestly disgusting but whatever at least I can just chug it and be done with it.
I do usually meal prep once a week. I hate eating the same everyday unless it’s a hyper focus meal but at least I don’t have to think about what I’m eating. But then I eat all of the food and having to decide what eat for the week starts all over again 😭 (and so many of my fav meal preps have dairy 😭😭)
So anyway now I feel like I’m on the verge of a meltdown every time I have to have a meal because all the easy go to’s that I DID like, I can no longer eat. Life would be so much easier if I could just get myself to eat a fucking hard boiled egg but I can’t and I juuuuuuuust hate it.
My husband works up north at a camp job and I’m so jealous that all he has to do is walk into a cafeteria and pick something already made and that’s it, that’s the decision. No having to think about the ingredients or the cleaning that needs to be done before you can cook or the cleaning that needs to be done afterwards, or all of the steps included in cooking like chopping. You just walk in, pick which already made protein, veggie and carb you’d like and your done.
That’s it, that’s the post. Thanks for listening to me vent.

Hi, I have been clean and sober since 2015. Three years ago, I did begin smoking weed while undergoing cancer treatments but now only smoke pinch in the evening to relax & sleep. So, call me California Sober.
Two months ago I met a woman at a concert and we have been casually doing fun things on Saturday afternoons, healthy things like art museums and visiting the tide pools at the beach. We greatly enjoy each other's presence, having similar interests, and just have fun.
Last weekend, she expressed an interest in dating. But, I am no so sure it is a good idea for either of us because she drinks (alone) and cannot leave it at one glass of wine so it becomes the whole bottle.
Early on, I explained that I am sober and alcohol is a big red flag. So, she "quit drinking" which is a great start, but as those of us sober for a long time know, the real inner work still needs to be done, and a lot of uncomfortable emotions and issues rise to the surface. (From my personal experience, I needed to develop new coping tools and practice using the right tool at the right time, which takes time.)
My instinct is to keep our relationship strictly as friends. I am not into unpacking other people's baggage, and strive to keep all of my friendships on a very healthy level with boundaries and borders. Yesterday, she created some light drama after a minor miscommunication via talk-to-text. I waited around for 2 hours dressed up and waiting to eat, only to find out it was a mistake. Siri completely got the intended talk-to-text wrong. So, I went to the woman's house to talk in person, but she refused to come to the door or answer the phone. I calmly told her through the door that if she wanted me to leave that is fine, but I would not be back. (She opened the door, but wouldn't look at me...kinda childish.)
I think I'm doing to right thing for both of us, but thought it would be worth receiving input from others who have, or thought about, dating someone with sobriety issues.

Well this story happened during my time working at Home Depot about 2 or 3 years ago and not the first time I've had people make racist remarks towards me.
I've been at work for a while and don't remember if I had just started my shift or was ending, I just remember standing at my register and than my coworker I'll call Brooklyn gently tap me on the shoulder asking "Hey my customers don't speak much English can you see if you can help me out?" Luckily the elderly couple were speaking Hmong while waiting for us to come over and I agreed to take over the transaction for Brooklyn and she'd watch over my register until I finished, cause I've grown comfortable acting as a translater for elderly Hmong customers or anyone who rather speak our native language instead of English.
So not long after I finish their transaction and start heading back to my register, I hear a very entitled throat clearing followed by "UM EXCUSE ME" along with finger snapping from behind me, Brooklyn and I see Karen standing at her register with a smug "well I'm waiting for my stuff to be rung up." Brooklyn quickly goes over and Karen says "YEAH WHY ISNT SHE COMING BACK TO RING ME UP?!
Brooklyn: she was helping the previous customers cause they have a language barrier, this is exactly my register.
Karen: that's not an excuse to ignore me like that, I'm a customer too, does she have something against American people?
Me from my register: no I was only asked to finish her transaction for the customer, I came back cause that's all I was asked to do.
Also Karen didn't walk up until after I walked away or else I would've turned around to ring her up, by the time we notice Karen Brooklyn was a few steps away and hence why she quickly went over to ring Karen up, Karen not happy with my answer started grumbling something under her breathe so I didn't exactly hear what she was saying until she said loudly "YOUR KIND IS THE REASON WE BOMBED JAPAN!!"
Me and Brooklyn stopped what we were doing and stared at Karen baffled by what she just said, Karen smirks and asks me "what it's true, Japanese people attacked us first." I'm starting to get mad, but not because of that fact, but due to Karen assuming I'm Japanese cause I was asain and implying that I was a racist.
Me: I wasn't even born when that happened, don't blame what happened in the past on me, I'm just doing what my coworker asked of me and I didn't ignore you. You walked up when I already walked away.
Karen: OHHHH scary Japanese girl is telling me what to do and claiming her kind isn't at fault for Pearl Harbor.
I saw red and said firmly "I'M HMONG NOT JAPANESE, LEARN YOUR ASAIN RACES," Karen shocked that I stood up to her "Hmong isn't a race, you clearly made that up." Suddenly Sally our supervisohead cashier whom overheard what was said as she was walking over "HEY HEY BREAK IT UP."
Karen: you need to teach that racist Japanese employee of yours to be respectful or I'll report both of you to corporate.
Brooklyn: she wasn't even being disrespectful, she was just correcting you abou-
Karen: oh now your ganging up on me, your an American too why are you siding with that Japanese
Sally: LEAVE I'm not going to stand you harassing my cashiers.
Karen: but but why are you
Sally: Dragon_Crystal was asked by her fellow coworker to assist them and that's what she did, than you come over demanding she ring up your stuff rudely and than make racist insults towards asains. I'm not going to let that happen leave now.
Karen leaves her cart and storms towards the door saying "I'll be reporting this to HR, you'll be jobless by tomorrow you Japanese immigrant." I yell back to her "I'M AM AMERICAN BORN HMONG CITIZEN AND RAISED HERE STUPID," which made Karen give me a surprised Pikachu face as she disappeared outside, I honestly thought I was going to get a write up for calling a customer stupid since I'm normally a calm collected person. Only to be followed with Sally doubled over laughing cause she wasn't expecting me to slip in that last part, I was allowed to go on break to cool off after dealing with Karen. That was lucky the only time I saw Karen, I'm sure she was banned.
Tl;dr Karen blames the cause of WW2 on me, gets told to leave and tries to get the last word in, only to be shocked

Hello, english is not my first language so sorry for the mistakes.
I 24F have been with my bf 23M since high school for 5 and half years. I have broken up with him last fall because of his behaviour since he would give me silent treatment and other s**t when he would get mad. He came to me in the middle of the night, talked, apologized, etc., I gave him another chance. Since then he haven’t done the silent treatment thing and I would say tried to change his behaviours where it caused troubles but I realised that first of all I changed:
I guess deep down for me that was conclusion. I cried only while i was writing that I’m done but did not cry when I realised I just broke up. I knew I had to move on since at that time I did not think he would even care to see me. It was like nothing. But then again he came to me within hours, we talked etc I gave him another chance because I still loved him.
As for now - Idk where I’m standing. We moved in already into my apartment which I bought in Fall. He moved into my apartment in winter. Until he moved in everything was good, he tried, he did a lot for me, he showed me love. Now - not much. He is saying that he is studying for his final exam and he is busy but acts like I’m at fault because he is still studying and I’m already working and can do my own things. He doesn’t help much around the apartment, he vacuums, washes dishes from which he ate (even at that not every time) and basically that’s it.
At this point I realized that I only have memories that are good with him and not present. Its like I live by memories. 3 first years were amazing with him, ofc we had our downs but still it was really good, 4th year everything slowed down which is normal, 5th was really down with break up and big problems.
At this point I get no affection, since March we were intimate maybe 4 times he does not say he loves me, and sadly I feel like I get more attention from other people than him. I dont think he even cares about what I do. Does not ask me how am I, hows work, etc. Recently started YT channel and he did not care to even see one of my videos to which I put a lot of work to. I also do other handwork to get money on the side , it’s not much but it’s still money. He only told me : I don’t understand why waste time on such things.
Today was my last straw that made me think if I even love him. I came back home after work with meal from KFC to surprise him during studying and the apartment smelled soooo bad… I asked him what is it and he pretended to not know what I am talking about. My dude could not get his ass out of his bed to fricking take out the trash where YESTERDAY he threw away his already EXPIRED meat. Also I should mention at this time its pretty hot where I live, we sleep with open windows. Imagine the smell of rotten meat in heat… The moment I realized that I just told him “you could not even take 5 minutes to take out trash?” And took it myself. He just put on his earbuds and listened to music while reading. This is where I realized he is super lazy. And this is where I doubt if he respects me at all.
I work all day, he does not, he lives in my apartment where I pay all the bills until he finishes his masters degree and can find a job and help me with everything. I buy everything. I clean everything. I wash everything, etc.. as I said he only vacuums and cooks to himself what he likes since he is a gym rat and only eats what he needs for gym.
And yes I talked to him about how he doesn’t help me, about how he is not affectionate etc. Sometimes he even would get annoyed because I asked of him too much while he is studying. I don’t think I ask too much, if that’s too much, how is playing basketball with friends is not wasting his time then? How waking up at 3 at night to watch NBA is not waste of time then since he complains that he did not rest well? How meeting friends every other day is not a waste of time and I am?
And also what I want to mention, it’s even more sadder to see my best friend being so loving and happy with her boyfriend, I’m really happy for her, she deserves the world. But it’s sad for me seeing what I do not have and do not get.
Last week I had a few days off I watched bridgerton and even for that I felt judged. When he saw me watching it he was like “bruh why are you watching it whats the point”. I said “whats your problem?” And his answer was “nothing”. Imagine saying whats the point in watching Bridgerton but then watching every league of legends game like your life depends on it. I never judged him for it until now.
At this point I feel like I’m just a maid. I am there to just assist his “majesty” and IDK if I even love him anymore. It’s like a feeling that he basically killed my love with his coldness and lazyness. I don’t even have children yet and already feel like a mom to a grown ass man. It feels like he thinks that everything revolves about what he wants.
Just wanted to rant because I feel like I have no one to talk to right now and do not want to put my problems on others.

Always wanted a Rolex and never really pursued it. I was put on a “list” for sub date and explorer 2 about two years ago at an AD in a different state in US who ultimately never reached out and I never followed up.
Cut to 2024, started my search again in March. Walked into a couple of ADs in NYC where I currently live and I got a call three days later from one of them and was offered to pick one among sub date, sub date tt gold (blue dial) and deep sea. I went ahead with the ss subdate.
Since then I touched base with the other ADs to open some channels for acquiring the other Rolex watches on my wish list, Daytona, GMT and 1908. To my surprise I was received very well and was offered a bat girl from one of them that weekend. I declined as it was not I what I wanted as I was only open to Batman or Pepsi.
Two of the ADs also mentioned that getting Daytona panda and GMT isn’t that big of a problem and the wait shouldn’t be too bad, but they did not give me a timeline.
I don’t know if I got lucky or if I am indeed their preferred client. FWIW, no purchase history, dress and talk well, work at a top finance firm.
Made this post out of curiosity and not to humble brag.

Hang in there, this is a long one: I (50F) have been with my husband (57M) for almost 16 years, married for 12 years. He has 3 brothers and 1 sister. One of his brothers, we will call “Roy” has just went through a divorce with his 5th wife,”Sara” after being together 9 years. She is the third wife that I have known him to be married to since my husband (his brother ) and I have been together. He was married to the first two long before we met. Anyway, over the time we were married she and I became very close. Like actual sisters. We have a lot in common and we can tell each other anything. We are the same religion, love horror movies and the paranormal. We take trips together. Go to concerts and conventions. My relationship with her is always how I felt a “sister” relationship should be. I do have a sister but we barely talk and I may only see her once a year. Sara is the sister I chose. She feels the same way about me. Sara and Roy separated in September of last year. His treatment of her was abhorrent. I am not just saying that because we are so close. He’s a narcissist. He had to be the center of her world and yet he would call her a “Fuckin Liar” or a “fucking piece of shit” he would constantly accuse her of cheating and go through her phone trying to find evidence but never did. He even texted me from her phone once pretending to be her to see what I would say. I had a weird feeling when I received the text because Sara and I didn’t usually text about him when she with him due to his nosiness …the text said “what should I do” so I responded vaguely with something that I would say to either one of them. He then started texting me from his phone going off on me. I told him I didn’t say anything to her that I wouldn’t say to his face. It got to the point where everyone had issues being around him, especially if he was drinking. Here come the holidays. Thanksgiving my husband and I hosted the dinner. All of his siblings, their kids, and grandchildren were invited. On my side it was my mom, my kids and grandchildren. I didn’t invite Sara (although I would’ve rather her been there) due to the separation and pending divorce. I heard a couple of my husband’s nieces talking about seeing each other the next month for Christmas. At that time no one in the family had brought up hosting Christmas, so I volunteered. I set the Christmas dinner date for the family the Saturday before Christmas. Everyone that was there for Thanksgiving was invited. We use a group chat on messenger. every Christmas since I was a child, we would go to church at midnight on Christmas Eve then come home and open presents. When my older sister got married and moved out, we just started celebrating on Christmas Eve so she could have Christmas Day with her new family…the tradition never changed even when my husband and I started dating. I would have my kids Christmas Eve, they would go with their dad Christmas Day. A few years ago, my husband’s sister “Karen” lost her husband to cancer a few weeks before Christmas so we started inviting her to our Christmas Eve celebrations so she wouldn’t be alone. I told my husband since we are inviting Karen we should also invite Roy and Sara. We did that for a few years. Now the blow up….. Since my husband and I planned the extended family Christmas the weekend before Christmas, I told him I would like to invite Sara Christmas Eve so she, my mom and I could go to the Christmas Eve service after dinner. My husband was ok with this. He likes Sara too. I also invited Karen as we have been the past few years. My husband called Karen a few days later and she just blew up on him saying it was bullshit that we were inviting Sara and not Roy….he said Roy was invited to the extended family Christmas with everyone else. She said Christmas is for family and it’s just wrong that Sara and I were still hanging out. Roy didn’t like it either. In fact he still doesn’t. I brought up to Karen that me still hanging with Sara is no different than her being BFF’s with Roy’s first wife and she said she had nothing to do with this and she didn’t want her brother being alone on the holidays (he has four grown daughters he could spend the holidays with) so she decided to host Christmas Eve dinner also…at the same time as ours. My husband and I decided the drama was too much so we canceled the extended family Christmas dinner (not very many RSVP’d anyway). Karen and a few of Roy’s daughters even got upset with my stepson for not attending their Christmas Eve dinner. Basically wanting him to choose between his own dad and them. My husband and Roy still talk and hang out but he has not seen or spoken to Karen since then. My husband expects an apology from her before he will speak to her and she is too stubborn to do so. His sister and brother still talk about me behind my back about how they can’t believe I still hang out with and in fact if they see her in public they will not speak to her. She and I still hang out and have a trip planned together in a couple months. So, AITHA for being 50 years old and choosing to spend my time with a woman who is like a sister to me and a really good person even though she divorced my husband’s brother?

Throwaway account didnt want to post on main. But anyway I'm a guy and I love Jirai Kei, the style the dresses the skirts the tops the shoes the people who wear it, I love them all. But I was always scared to actually buy something to try. I would search for stores, click a random one and browse. Adding things to my cart only to close out and say things like "Would fit wrong anyway" or "I'd just look bad" then see someone on twitter wearing something cute and repeat. Eventually it happened again and I ended on a website (devilinspired) during a sale and this time before I could close I just said fuck it and hit the finalize button and bought a skirt and top. I was worried about the fitting on things like neck and wrist maybe length but the other day they arrived and honestly I'm so happy. They fit pretty good and just felt really great to wear. I know they dont really suit me but I just get a good feeling when I put them on and walk around my place. I mostly just wanted to share my joy but I guess that wasnt the best shop so I'm thinking of Dearmylove to try next time I work up the courage to buy again. I'll browse this sub for suggestions I suppose. Anyway that's my essay on buying my first Jirai Kei clothes, I just felt like sharing thanks.

This is mostly to vent but if you’ve been in a similar situation and have any wisdom, then it’s welcome. If you’d like to vent about your own situation so I don’t feel alone, that’s welcome too 🙃
Because this is Reddit I feel like I have to say: I am happy with my husband overall and am not seeking divorce. Thanks.
Anyhow,
My husband and I grew up in pretty different family dynamics. I saw my grandparents 1-2 times a year and my husband saw his once a month (sometimes weekly) during the summers. My husband and I have been married for four years and have two kids. He and I are at odds about how often to allow visitors to come. We saw my in laws six times last year, for 4 days at a time each time. They are great people and his father is always looking to help with home projects but I feel crowded and overwhelmed due to the frequency and it just feels like way too much. This may also have something to do with the sheer amount of stuff going on in our home life, which I’ll detail below (sorry it’s so long):
1) My oldest child has a feeding disorder called ARFID and with hospitalization for feeding tube placement, years of feeding therapy, and now starting physical therapy, she just keeps me very busy. We have appointments every week. I have to hand feed her every single meal even though she is 3 and have to coach her through everything from picking up the food, chewing, swallowing, etc AND we are now potty training on top of everything. She keeps me so busy that when we have visitors I have to start cleaning two weeks in advance because I cannot get it all done at once due to how busy things are. In addition, my (step) mother in law is a complete clean freak to the degree that she frequently goes through an entire thing of hand soap in only two days and I have literally painted windowsills to prepare for her visit because every time they are here I feel like my house is under a microscope. She will then start cleaning my house like crazy and while I know she’s just trying to help it makes me feel like she thinks I just didn’t do a good enough job. I am a SAHM currently because I had to quit my job to provide full time care for my eldest and there is no childcare where I live. No one else helps keep the house clean, even when I ask my husband to it’s a problem because we have different definitions of clean. So it adds A LOT to my already full plate when we have visitors and I do have a second child to care for on top of everything. It also just feels like it takes a long time to mentally recover from the visits themselves and by the time I’m “recovered,” they’re trying to come visit again.
My in laws do make an effort to help with the kids when they are here but because my step MIL never had children and my eldest is just a lot in and of herself, I typically have to take over again if I delegate because things just take too long or aren’t happening as they should. My oldest has to stay on a pretty strict schedule so that she can get enough calories in her day.
2) We live right smack in the middle of all of our relatives and for a long time have been the designated “family hotel” because we are the halfway point between everyone. This wasn’t really as big of an issue as it has become until we had our second child.
Our guest room is right next to our youngest’s bedroom. The bathroom shares a wall with her room and when anyone would use the bathroom it would wake her up and it would take about an hour to get her back down each time she woke. In addition, my father in law is likes to get up early. Like. Early, early. 3:30AM early. He then gets dressed and walks around the house. He’s always woken me because I’m a super light sleeper and our bedroom is right off of the kitchen, but it became really problematic when he also started waking our youngest doing this and suddenly my day had to start 2-3 hours earlier than it normally would because either I’m awake and can’t fall asleep again or my kid won’t go back to sleep. It was making visits pretty miserable for me. My husband saw how much it was affecting me and also wanted his bio mom to stop staying with us (she’s a terror). To put an end to this, we recently transitioned our guest room into a play room so that family can’t stay with us (we have a blow up mattress but tbh we really meant to deter family by getting rid of the bedroom). We gently told my in laws that we would be making this transition so it would not be a surprise. I thought this would deter family a little more since they’d now have to travel and spend time in an actual hotel.
However ——
My husbands family continue to visit very frequently. They are set to come again in both June and July for four days each time. My husband’s biological mother is also trying to visit. He is leaving for six months in August so I understand that this is everyone’s last chance to get a visit in before that happens. I have stipulated to my husband that I’d like a break from visitors when he returns and initial “welcome home” visits are done. I’m talking six months with no visitors because for the last few years our house has been a revolving door of everyone. The thing is, I asked for this after our second kid was born and then they visited every other month for the entire year…..so. There’s that.
Essentially I like my in laws but just feel overwhelmed generally. My life is all go, never stop and I don’t get time to myself much. Visitors make it worse because it adds so much to my plate. My husband isn’t great about setting limits with his parents but is getting better (especially in dealing with his bio mom). I’m hoping to have a break and then cut visits down to a max 4 times a year. I don’t want them to not be involved but I feel pretty smothered.

I (30F) have always had a rocky relationship with my parents. Being the only child, I had to play therapist and dealt with their helicopter parenting. I was never able to sustain emotional connections and friendships due to me not being able to hang out with friends, etc.
My mother's rule was "friends need to stay at school." I was not allowed to wear certain clothing. I wanted to wear skirts and dresses (when i first wore one, it resulted in a 4 day fight and silent treatment). Never was allowed to go out or just simple dates until I begged and cried to let me go. Never was able to have a relationship until 22, and that was a shitshow in the start as well.
I was, however, in school clubs and could get away with it because it counted towards school credits and would help me get some scholarships.
My dad would let me have some freedom as he pushed me to go on a school trip overseas (chaperoned by school staff) through a HS program. My mom had issues initially but didn't say much as my dad was on my side. My dad sometimes would agree with her just to agree or get influenced as well on certain things because she then would give him a silent treatment as well.
Anyway, I wanted to get a job as I was transitioning from HS to college, and again, it was a huge thing. She convinced my father that it was a bad decision that I worked. And won't focus on school. Mind you was a honor roll student throughout HS. I was able to get my first job again through a loophole at school where I could also get credits for working if my supervisor gave me good evaluations and got paid. I didn't get my driver's license until later on, so she would have to drop and pick me up EVERYWHERE, so i rushed to finally get one. I wanted to move away for college thinking that I would be able to have more freedom, but then they moved with me to save money on room and board. I would sometimes have evening classes, and sometimes, my mother would stand outside if I was even a little late from college (I am 21 at this point) coming back. Couldn't make new friends at school, had to beg my mom let me go out so friendships would always fall out.
I learned quickly that the only way I could get control over my life is my moving out. So I got a full time job (another huge issue) when I was in my last year of college, I started applying like crazy to be in a different cities to get my food in the door for my career. And I was able to get a job and move away.
A thing to note is that I had to do this quickly when my mother was out of the country. Otherwise, as always, it was going to be a huge issue. She had a huge problem with it, of course, once she found out and kept telling my father to stop me (he was not with her when she was out of the country). It was all like "why she always like this? Why can't she sit still at home?"You are letting her get in trouble," etc. My dad was whatever, as he didn't think I would actually get the job, but I did. I still remember they thought the offer letter was fake and tried to verify it. It was legit, and so I moved.
Soon, my bf moved in with me to the new city (another problem initially). But it died down a lot, and she toned down her behavior whenever he would be around. Image is a huge thing for her.
But still would still take jabs under the table (like when i got a small tattoo and colored my hair). I ignored it because if she was direct about it, I didn't want to address it.
The final straw that broke me was last week, I had been in contact with some friends that I made who also moved away for college, etc. This was a friend who kind of understood me as her mother was like that too, but she moved to be next to her father and away from her mom.
So she suggested that we can go to a festival together since she just finished her masters degree. I was elated and said yes. I am currently in my masters program, so I felt I deserved a little break.
Also, through therapy I realized that my relationship with my bf was very codependent and clingy and we have had problems due to that a lot so I wanted to work on myself and do my own things to get better to be more emotionally independent.
I mentioned it to her that I am thinking of going to the festival to another country depending on time off and money.
She kept asking where I didn't tell her where because I sensed it was going somewhere.
She started by saying if I asked my bf if he was okay with me going. Recently, I have noticed she usually says that when I do something, she doesn't agree with it, and when i say he has no problem with it doesn'tseem to digest well with her. I told her first I don't need permission, and second, he is okay with it as he will be with his friends.
Then she got furious and said that no, I can't go and if I did she would never talk to me again. I was confused because this is not someone I met like online like 2 days ago. It was actually one of my best friends in middle and HS school that I had before we both moved away and kept contact through the phone. Also, I am 30 freaking years old.
She then continued that if I had to go, it would have to be with my bf only. I told her that was ridiculous and I was not asking for permission or money. I was just informing her, and then she lectured me about always starting something new, and one day, I would get in trouble, etc. and lose my job and everything.
So I went off on her and asked exactly what the problem was. Why did she always had an issue with everything. She has been emotionally unavailable throughout my childhood, pushed me away when I needed her, and used me as a catharsis whenever issues occurred between her and my father. When i would confront my father, she would quickly switch sides, leaving be baffled. If I used to cry, she would tell me I was faking it with crocodile tears. She has no friends so I still let it go and talked to her because at the end of the day I feel guilty and now I am an adult and still didn't want a strained relationship with her.
TLDR: My mother who has always been controlling, told me, a 30 year old that if I traveled with anyone other than my bf she won't talk to me again as I would get myself in trouble. I feel guilty for giving the silent treatment to her as I have always been the one that reaches out first after these situations. How do I cope with this feeling? I have been thinking that maybe I was in the wrong and should just talk to her, apologize, and tell her I am not going.

Today’s one page challenge is for The City in the Clouds by J.B. Williams. Finally, a requested challenge, rather than the usual cycle of me finding a story and the person being triggered that I did so. At 234 pages and a whopping price tag of $20.99 for a paperback, it’s a wonder why it looks untouched. Flip some burgers for an hour to pay for this… whatever it is. I was told the editor is good, so let’s see how he gummed up the works.
The rules of the one page challenge are simple: I go through the first page of the book(about 300 words or 3 paragraphs) and say where the average reader would stop. These reviews are short, sweet, and to the point (unlike most of these books). The main things we look for are things like tension, a hint at the plot existing, good feng shui, a feeling like the blurb is accurate, a lack of obfuscation, and the story fulfilling its role as a story. As we go along, I’ll explain why readers love or hate certain elements and we’ll see what straws break the camel’s back.
The title, The City in the Clouds, makes me think of fantasy, but it’s meant to be sci-fi. Clouds symbolize knowledge beyond our reach or something like daydreaming, treated as water in air(mystery in knowledge). Saying the title this way makes it seem like the focus is the city itself, which would be cool if it was something like a dystopian or utopian story. Maybe a tech noir or detective story, but… it’s not. This story is actually about a woman, and it’s a comedy, completely conflicting with the genre in two ways.
I didn’t want to say this but Huston… we’re already having problems.
The ebook cover is a drawing of curly haired woman staring at the camera like she’s constipated, while the paperback version is of an anime girl holding a gun and looking like she has diarrhea. Both versions have her in a suit, with a giant gas planet behind her. Both have similar fonts for the title and name, but the ebook version is so blurred and darkened that it reads like a secret message; the physical version being slightly less blurry. If I saw this on a shelf, I wouldn’t recognize this as a book or know what it was called. I find it strange because the back of the book is very clear, given a blue box for clarity, and has a sun with a red sky that would have made more sense than these frumpy women.
I guess the title and name are made illegible because we’re supposed to zoom our eyes straight to the blurb:

Robin Alia Brook is considered a loser. She works at customer service for one of the largest companies in humanity's interstellar empire, gets stood up on dates, and accidentally kills people. Then when her ex-online boyfriend gives her the winning vacation lottery ticket to the famed habitat, The City of Clouds, she reluctantly accepts it.
Upon arrival, she is greeted by the massive, beautiful gas giant Bellona, and all the glamour and prospects of expansion for the famous habitat. And it is the beginning of a celebration, too! For the election of the new habitat captain! But the celebration and vacation are ruined when pirates attack, seeking the captain's riches.
They are ruthless, they are bloodthirsty, and they won't stop until they get what they want. Unfortunately for the pirates, Robin is really good at accidentally killing people, and with her is a rag tag team of a pilot recruit, an egotistical journalist, a veteran photographer, and the captain himself.
It will be a long battle for The City of Clouds, and the outcome is unknown, but one thing is certain... This is the worst vacation ever.

Slight grammar issues here and there, but most wouldn’t notice that “ex-online boyfriend” would mean the boyfriend was online and not anymore. The delivery is a little bouncy, almost appropriate, but doesn’t give much tone from how much info it tries to cram in. Something I noticed is that very little sci-fi is mentioned, with the only thing giving a sci-fi vibe being the idea of traveling to another planet. If this was a vacation to an island, very little would change from how it’s described. Like the title and name on the cover, a lot of what makes this book a book is hidden from us, in plain sight.
At this point, the average reader would probably not give it a shot, unless the idea of pirates and an ironic Die Hard premise is their cup of tea.
No prologue, no maps, no glossary, just a simple chapter 1 to greet us. Ok, I’m liking this already. I know this is a small thing, but the simplicity of just starting a story is a blessing that should be the norm, and isn’t. I haven’t read a single word and this is already the best OPC so far. Yes, it’s that easy.
Don’t ruin the experience with all your fancy try-hard nonsense and the reader will be in hog heaven.
We are told the planet, sector, system, and date. Very effective in establishing the sci-fi element in this single aside, which also lets us know it’s 400 years in the future. The planet is named Andromeda, which is a well known galaxy, so if this is in that galaxy, I assume it’s going for a “New York, New York” type of gag. The editor did a good job, with the first page establishing a scene in a restaurant. What he messed up on was… everything that’s not the scene itself, which makes up 90% of the words.
The protagonist, Robin Alia Brook has her day off described as “shot in the face”, being delivered in present tense and this has it come out awkwardly. I say this because the second sentence is past tense, then it shifts back to present, back to past. This is why people stick with past tense to avoid the headache, and present tense is now used as a hipster novelty to act as if things are more important because they’re happening as they’re written. Most readers just find it as a distraction and it causes something niche to become more niche in the process. The first paragraph ends with us being told that she’s in a restaurant that is 500 feet under the sea, of a planet called Andromeda.
She is to be dining, but she is NOT dining because her date didn’t show. Cue the audience gasping, because this is a travesty. The part that really kills this opening is the sentence “She is currently obtaining nutrients through Poseidon's generous supply of free lemons water and cheesy garlic biscuits.” This was the perfect chance for worldbuilding, to express something futuristic and fresh. Instead, it tied itself to Earth, talked about mundane food like lemon water, and it didn’t use any of these for a punchline.
This is meant to be a comedy, but is absent of comedy. We don’t need a bunch of humor in the first paragraph, but we do expect a comedy to present a tone that can lead to humor occurring. Every scene for a comedy is a setup for gags and punchlines. Much like horror, the scene is built around the mood, which is brought to a peak around half way. The introduction of a comedy book is going to hold a joke in relation to the entire book.
I believe the blurb when it says this Robin character can kill things by accident, because this book dies right after she’s introduced, around the second paragraph. The third paragraph changes the subject to be about other people in the restaurant, acting as a distraction that leads to infodumps of Robin’s outfit and such. I understand that the “joke” is that this woman is stood up on her date and we are to feel her anguish, but the reader shouldn’t be suffering through the opening this soon. Starting here is either far too late or far too soon. If anything, this is something I expect in chapter 2 or something we hear about as she’s on her way to Bellona.
A good way to put it is that this scene is a non-sequitur done in order to give fashion statements, with the important exposition ignored for window dressing.
The average reader needs tension to get sunk into a sci-fi story, because this is a planet we don’t know about with a character we’ve never seen before. What is the point of having this restaurant so deep underwater? There is a city underwater? She has a job, but where does she work? At the Krusty Krab?
Non-sequitur is a distraction that removes us from the scene and the plot to explain things that don’t serve a purpose to either. If I changed the first sentence to only hold what was part of the scene, it would be the characters name and nothing more. To strengthen an opening like this, we would have to set it up for a punchline, reinforce the sardonic tone, and tie the scene with the situation. The first sentence would go like:

Five hundred feet below the sea’s surface, Robin could not stop drinking.

This will give the impression that she’s getting drunk, while attaching her drinking to the sea outside, giving the impression that she’s drowning. But even then, I wouldn’t start here, I would begin with a comedic amount of assurance that she’s going to have her date show up, then the next scene is her waiting with this. That, or I would have her doing the walk of shame, allowing the plot to begin sooner when she gets her golden ticket, which would be like:

The ocean floor outside was slowly swallowed by darkness as the elevator pod took Robin away from Poseidon.

Here, we have a moment for her to think back to the situation, and the word “darkness” gives hint to her current feeling about the restaurant. This is a setup for the punchline that follows, already skipping the failed date and able to move forward to the poster she sees in the elevator. Movies tend to do this type of exposition with the main character telling the situation to another person, who is helpless to escape. That can add more humor and make the main character express their personality quirks. The goal is for less opening to be used up for non-sequitur and to focus it on moving forward in relation to the plot.
For a story like this, the rejection comes from a lack of being straightforward. We can always fix up a sentence and how it sounds, but this doesn’t mean much when the bones are disjointed. Thankfully, for this one, a lot of readers are used to openings like this from online serials, so there is hope that a lot of it will get a pass. It’s that first hump that it has to get over in order to shine. Sadly, for little Robin, that hump was not achieved, so her journey through the city in the cloud might as well not exist.

I will try to keep this short. I'm a 43 single black gay man and I was recently invited to a group "activity" from a very nice friend of mine. I knew what kind of party this was and I was beyond excited to attend. When I got there, the host was very gracious and introduced me to many of the men. Everybody was hot and it got me ready to go. After about 30 minutes for everyone to get acquainted (about 25 guys) we all got naked. Many of the guys got right into business. Lots of making out and lots of oral. The person I kind of buddied up with is Asian. We were the only two people of color. When we tried to join in on the fun, people would leave and move on to another part of the house. I tried not to think anything of it. So, the other guy and I followed and tried to join in again. We got blocked off by the other guys and they continued on with their fun. The Asian guy then left the party. At this point, it was clear that we were being ignored, even though we were invited by people who were at the party. I went out to the hot tub to clear my mind and the host was there. We started to talk and making a connection. Soon after, people joined us and I lost that connection and the conversation me and the host were having. I couldn't take it anymore. I got dressed, left, and began to cry. I never felt so disgusting and ignored in my life. I was hoping it wasn't a racist incident, but even my friend who was there thought it was, afterwards. Yet, he was so horny he couldn't stop what he was doing to check up on me and ask why I was leaving. He saw me put my clothes on. I didn't think a moment like this would shake me so terribly. Three days later and I'm still trembling over the ordeal. Like some sort of PTSD. I get flashes over it. You know, we are gay and it's hard to find a group of people you can identify with. We go through such hardships, but to go through a situation like that by your own kind really hurts. I've tried my best to leave it all behind. It was just a situation and I was able to get myself out of it, but it doesn't mean I'm ok or it doesn't hurt. My friend did text me the next day to ask if I was ok. After I explained the evening, he thought it was very racist. The host contacted later as well, asking if I enjoyed the evening. I told him it was just ok. He apologized and was wondering if I was free at some other point to come over. He didn't say for what most likely sex. I didn't tell him exactly what happened and how I felt. I don't believe it was his fault. He was the one that asked if I was ok in the hot tub and conversed. Anyways, it's just days later and I can't seem to shake it off. It keeps me up and I can't sleep. For now, I have ended contact with the friend who invited me. More like he has to reach out to me if he wants to talk. I've always been a positive person. I've tried so hard to believe that this situation wasn't racist, but I just can't shake it. Any advice on how to shake this off and move on?

I'm 19f in college there's this guy 20M in my college I had a crush on him (first year). We talked he used to flirt but then I realised that it's normal for him and I ain't the only one then he started liking one of my friend (she's not my friend now, because she lies a lot) anyways so I realised that he likes her because when we were studying she also came tho I didn't ask her to but idk why she was all dressed up and he kept looking at her that day I realised so I gave up and grew distant i stopped talking to both of them. I moved on then idk what happened between him she cheated of him (according to the rumours she was screwing his bestfriend) this was in 2nd year then that guy started dating another girl I was dating someone else too. Now back in present I'm in 3rd yr and I kept having fights w my ex-bf so we broke up it was not working for both of us it was Idr and we met only once that guy was older and toxic. So after 1 month of my breakup that guy randomly texted me on vacation "that I was wondering why we don't talk anymore" Anyways then our convo started on SC he flirted then I started flirting too and he said ki why didn't you stop me why did u give up in first year blah blah he said he likes me and all I was happy anyways we decided to meet went of a date at night (park) it was empty we started making out and then it I went to his flat and we had sex. Everything was fine he was acting very sweet he didn't force me or anything I thought we'll date. In the morning He dropped me to my place but from the next day in college he started ghosting me I even texted to meet but he said he's busy when I confronted then he said ki aisa kuch nhi h you are overthinking koi excuse de diya uss ne. Maine 2-3 baar pucha ki what's wrong again with some excuse he told me not to tell anyone about that night but after sometime everyone in my class got to know about it. I asked he said he didn't tell them. Why'd he tell people when he asked me not to? I'm very confused I stopped talking to him so he asked if everything was ok he even asked again me to chill ate him home I denied. I'm very confused pls keep your views so that I can get multiple povs.

I'm 19f in college there's this guy 20M in my college I had a crush on him (first year). We talked he used to flirt but then I realised that it's normal for him and I ain't the only one then he started liking one of my friend (she's not my friend now, because she lies a lot) anyways so I realised that he likes her because when we were studying she also came tho I didn't ask her to but idk why she was all dressed up and he kept looking at her that day I realised so I gave up and grew distant i stopped talking to both of them. I moved on then idk what happened between him she cheated of him (according to the rumours she was screwing his bestfriend) this was in 2nd year then that guy started dating another girl I was dating someone else too. Now back in present I'm in 3rd yr and I kept having fights w my ex-bf so we broke up it was not working for both of us it was ldr and we met only once that guy was older and toxic . So after 1 month of my breakup that guy randomly texted me on vacation "that I was wondering why we don't talk anymore" Anyways then our convo started on SC he flirted then I started flirting too and he said ki why didn't you stop me why did u give up in first year blah blah he said he likes me and all I was happy anyways we decided to meet went of a date at night (park) it was empty we started making out and then it I went to his flat and we had sex. Everything was fine he was acting very sweet he didn't force me or anything I thought we'll date. In the morning He dropped me to my place but from the next day in college he started ghosting me I even texted to meet but he said he's busy when I confronted then he said ki aisa kuch nhi h you are overthinking koi excuse de diya uss ne. Maine 2-3 baar pucha ki what's wrong again with some excuse he told me not to tell anyone about that night but after sometime everyone in my class got to know about it. I asked he said he didn't tell them. Why'd he tell people when he asked me not to? I'm very confused I stopped talking to him so he asked if everything was ok he even asked again me to chill ate him home I denied. I'm very confused pls keep your views so that I can get multiple povs.

Machaon woke up, another day under the dimly lit, haze choked skies of his home world of Barbarus. As always, he got dressed, had a meager breakfast, put on his gas mask and ventured out into the toxic air to check on his crops. His father had spent a long time trying to create a strain of their main food crop so that it could resist the toxic environment of the upper levels of Barbarus, and allow more food to be grown. His father always said that they were “working today so others can eat tomorrow.” Unfortunately, his father passed away many years ago, but Machaon continued his work in earnest, doing his best to accomplish his father’s dream.. And based on the growing stalks of healthy looking crops, he had succeeded. He performed a more thorough inspection on the stems and leaves of the budding vegetables, and wrote down everything he saw in his journal. Years of his family’s work finally come to fruition.
Next on his to do list was to check the herbal garden his mother had grown. He had taken care of it when his mother was unable to, due to a debilitating sickness. The garden had a few different varieties of medical herbs, including hawthorn, lavender, aloe, and peppermint along with a mix of herbs for cooking. He checked the stems and leaves of the plants, making sure all of them were healthy, once more writing his findings in his journal. Confident all his plants were healthy, he closed his notebook and made his way to the local herbalist he was being mentored by. Machaon had spent time with a local herbalist to try and learn how to make herbal remedies to cure his mother’s sickness, and the older gentlemen needed help with certain things around his house. In exchange for his expertise, Machaon provided some of his own herbs and some extra food since the older gentleman had trouble growing enough food to feed himself.
Machaon knocked on the door, hearing a gas mask sealing and a cantankerous older gentleman call out “I don’t appreciate interruptions to my work! Best be something important!” A few seconds later, the herbalist came to the door wearing a load of protective equipment, something that seemed a little out of place for an herbalist, swinging it open. “What do ya wan — oh hey kid, come on in.” The old man opened the door, hobbling back into his abode.
Machaon walked in, taking a look around the place. It was a mess like it always was, but the old man did have his own system of organization. Calling it a system of organization was a stretch, but Machaon couldn't convince him to change his ways, so he gave up on convincing him and focused on his herbalist and apothecary training. Pushing that thought from his mind, he put on his herbalist protective gear and got ready to start the day’s training regiment. The old man looked at him, smiling “You ready kid?”
Machaon looked at his journal, stocked with papers and writings, now old and worn. He was in his thirties now, and most people he knew and cared for had passed on. His mother died not too long after he finally made a chemical resistant strain of crops, and his herbalist mentor had passed a few years after, finally having accomplished his life goal. Wiping a tear from his eye, Machaon wiped a tear from his eye, closed his journal and went on his usual ritual of checking on his plants and documenting strange things. Once he finished, he changed into his apothecary attire and shouldered his backpack full of supplies. His apothecary goal was to keep tackling the disease outbreak that had popped up nearby. A village a few days ago in the valley east of his abode had sent missives asking for medical aid, as a small portion of their population had been confined to their homes with fevers and coughs, with the occasional victim with boils on the skin. He had been working to quell it these last few days, but he was not sure if he was going to be able to completely stop it before it spread outside his control. Unfortunately, he would never be able to find out. As he began to take care of his ill patients in the sick house, he heard the sounds of a ship outside, and the clanking of boots. Something was up, and he was certainly not about to surrender his patients to whatever was outside.
Machaon walked outside, a simple pistol holstered on his hip. He may be an apothecary, but he could deal just as much hurt as he could heal. And he certainly wasn't going to run away when he had people in his stead, people that could spread infection and kill even more people. However, he soon found that his pistol would do nothing against the new arrivals. A military officer of some kind, along with some soldiers had formed up outside the sick house, the officer wearing what seemed to be an imperial army officers uniform, a green patch with three green skulls on the shoulder. The officer approached him, and began to read from a data slate. “Apothecary Machaon Strakos, on the order of Primarch Mortarion, daughter of the Emperor of Mankind, head of the Death Guard Adeptus Astartes legion, you are to be transferred to the Endurance, the Primarch flagship, for apothecary duty. You have one hour to gather your belongings.”
Machaon tried to protest, “With all due respect sir, I have patients to take care of, otherwise they’ll die.”
The Imperial Army officer looked at him with disdain. “If you do not comply peacefully, I will be forced to make you comply.” The soldiers next to him aimed their lasguns at him at the same time, their faces cold and icy.
Machaon knew that his ‘forced compliance’ would hurt his patients more than him leaving peacefully. “As you wish, officer. I will collect my supplies and return shortly.” He then returned to the interior of the sick house, gathering all his supplies into his backpack, along with the seeds for his plants. He didnt want to leave his people, but he didnt have much of a choice. A young girl who was laying on a cot by the door asked him, “Mister, where are you going?”
He wanted to tell her the truth, but he knew that wouldn't help. So he did the next best thing he could do, and he kneeled down next to her cot. “Well young lady, I’m going to take care of another group of people who need my help. There’s a lot of them, and the man outside needs my help to do it. I know you all are in good hands, so I’m going to save the people who aren’t in good hands. Feel better young lady.” He said, giving her a flower from his garden as he stood up and left. He didn't really believe what he said, at least not entirely. He would be helping people, but not the way he wanted, not on his own terms. Nevertheless, he would do his duty to his planet and his people.
Machaon walked outside the sick house and found the officer. “Officer, I’m ready.”
The Imperial Army officer looked at him coldly. “Then get on. We must reach the ship before the fleet takes off for the next expedition.” He and his soldiers then got on Stormhawk, and Machaon made sure to follow close behind them. The doors shut, and the engines roared to life, taking the ship off the ground and into space. Shortly after, they arrived in the hangar of the Endurance, and the Imperial Army company that escorted him departed, and Machaon followed quickly, not wanting to be left in the huge ship.
When he stepped out of the Stormhawk, he saw a virtual city of people working, repairing and refueling ships, unloading cargo, and new recruits moving deeper into the ship. It was certainly more people than he had ever seen in his life, but it did not phase him. He knew that whatever they were calling him for would have been big, especially if it was being led by a daughter of the Emperor. He followed the Imperial Army officer further into the ship, until they arrived at the barracks section of the ship. The Imperial officer told him simply “These are your quarters. Find a bunk.” Then he left.
Machaon was not particularly impressed with the lodging, but decided it was better to secure a spot rather than leaving it to chance. Once he found a spot, he laid down his items that were not essential to his duties as an apothecary, kept whatever else he had on his and tried to make his way to the apothecary chamber. Having no idea where everything was, he asked directions, and eventually after nearly an hour, found his way to the apothecary chamber and began to set out his equipment and find a place to grow his herbs. He knew he would need them for the battles ahead,wherever they may be.

Okay okay, so I’ve been thinking about this really hard for a few days now, and I want to know what books you thought you would love because it seemed like they checked all the boxes for you, and why you didn’t love them or what perhaps even DNFed them! I’ll start.
Agnarr’s Teacher by Jenifer Wood.
After reading the description I thought to myself “Gee myself, this seems a lot like Ice Planet Barbarians but even better! Let’s read this!” And dove in. Here is a list of what reminded me of IPB.

• alien romance (kinda, the aliens are called orkin)
• abducted by bad aliens and dropped on a cold planet
• Fated mates
• seemingly loving if not slightly naive mmc

Here is a list of additions that made me very interested and excited!

• anxiety rep! The fmc is a teacher who has a history of anxiety and is on meds for it, as well as being very open about mental health! We love to see it!
• the lot of the human women were dumped for a variety of reasons that all boil down to being “undesirable”. That leads me to believe a bunch of other conditions could be represented in future books!
• the story seemed a little lower stakes than IPB, being mainly about the FMC’s journey to another tribe to get a certain herb used to treat anxiety. The mmc joins her because he’s fast in love with her. Not a problem.

You see, my problems lies in characters making decisions (or really only one) that seemed wildly out of pocket. (Take this with a grain of salt, I DNFed because I had a really hard time believing this)
The FMC has Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD henceforth). She is medicated for GAD. Medication is not magic and does not fix everything, and she has been without it for an unclear amount of time, but at least three days. It’s very likely out of her system. Anyway, she wakes up in an admittedly cozy room, but with an orc child staring at her. Instant panic for me (someone with GAD). Okay, it’s a child, she’s a teacher, she loves children and manages to keep it together and speak to the child. Gets kiddo to go get his mom. Great, fantastic. In my head I’d rationalized that the bad aliens did the language thing already, coolio, but she still hadn’t come to the conclusion she wasn’t on earth. Skip past some mild anxiety about possibility being captive or maybe this was some fucked up team building thing for work? Apparently her boss is weird. Comes to the realization she’s not on earth. (I would have fucking passed out, how THE FUCK is this woman still standing. A stronger woman than me.) Proceeds to hear sword fighting, gets spooked but checks out the window and ogles one of the orcs doing the sparring and listens in on their conversation. The whole thing is pretty rationalized through all this, very “I’ve been in therapy for years and know how to organize my thoughts in scary situations” of her. We love it! Kiddo comes back with his mom and she is a very kind woman who explains things to the FMC, who has been a champ up til she is told there’s no way home. She finally passes out from panic. When she wakes up she’s back in bed and the kind woman is still there, worried about her. She helps the FMC and explains some more things, the FMC tackles the “do yall have mental health care here” convo like a champ, and the orcs are pro mental health! Great! Again, we love to see it! I’m seeing myself in this fmc so much, and I’m really starting to like her, I’m feeling very represented! The FMC asks to go for a walk alone to clear her mind, and kind orc lady says “yeah! There’s a safe path surrounding the village, stick to it and you should be fine, the sentries keep the village safe and there are no predators lurking in the woods so take your time!” FMC gets dressed in new clothes, goes walking. Cut to MMC, the orc she was ogling and coincidentally the one who put her back in bed when Kind Orc Lady called for help. He felt something when he looked at her! GASP fated mates?! Yes but no, but like yes. Technically unclear, but we know how these things go. ANYWAY! He’s chopping down a tree to clear his mind because the village elders were all “mmm, let’s let these women wake up first, then we can explain things to them, introduce them to the world and let them decide what to do.” (Low female population and declining female birth rates have made the men excited at the possibility of new potential mates) (mmc agrees with them despite being desperate for a mate) so anyway he’s a warrior and not good and cutting down trees safely. Fmc is walking on the path and the tree falls ON HER!!! I repeat THE TREE FALLS ON HER!!! This guy runs to check on her after hearing her scream, starts hacking at branches with an axe to get to her, and then slows down when he realizes she’s okay! Yay! She is upset and yells at him, I would too if I just had a tree felled on me. Then they kiss? And in her head she thinks about how her “good Christian upbringing” wouldn’t condone this? I guess? Let’s fucking go? I guess??? I’m all for sexual liberation, but in her situation, not being awake for more then ten hours MAX, having just been abducted, finding out aliens are real, finding out you are “undesirable” to said aliens, being dropped off on a strange planet, then being told you can never go home because they don’t possess the technology to do that (she loved her job and I assume her students, so it’s not like she has nothing to go back to), all on top of having GAD? I’m so sorry but no amount of time spent collecting coping strategies in therapy and no amount of medicine could keep me lucid. I’d be in a spiral, if not passed out. And you’re telling me she’s down to fuck? Like they don’t actually, she gives a very enthusiastic blowjob, then gets shy when he wants to reciprocate (I get it sis, me too) so he just fingers her. BUT STILL!!!! Idk it was too fast. I like fast burn and I can very often suspend my disbelief but that really bothered me? I’m down to examine why and see if I need to re-evaluate some things about my own beliefs. I don’t think I hold it against the characters or the author, I think I just saw myself in the character so much that I basically just inserted myself, and when she did something that perhaps did suit her character but definitely was not something I’d do, I checked out.
So! Have you ever had an experience like this? What books did they involve? Let me know!

I recently broke up with my boyfriend because he didn't let me be me. He had problems with me wearing yoga pants to the gym, wearing dresses to clubs and wearing deep neck blouses to weddings.
Every justification of his was put behind the reasoning that, "You don't know men, they are sick, and they'll only objectify you if they see you like this".
This seemed super problematic to me because, firstly, it's their problem! And secondly, I sincerely believe that not all men are like that. At least, the one surrounding me are not these kinda creeps.
But apparently I couldn't get this into my guy's brain. He was fixated on the fact that men will keep staring at me and me dressing up like that would only imply that I'm seeking that kind of attention. This pissed me the fuck off.
In the end, I made peace with the fact that my boyfriend was just a control freak and his love for me was being toxic, hence I called quits on us.
Am I wrong?