And if anyone here somehow sees me talking about them then that'll be amazing. I have this YouYube video as well explaining my most traumatic grooming type relationship for whoever cares. I just don't want to completely rehash everything. It is a doozy tho with many chapters, perhaps I will videograph it all.
TRIGGER WARNINGS THROUGHOUT! I will do my best to remove certain types of language without taking away from the gravity of the situations, so apologies if I am not the best with sparing anyone's sanity here

• got groomed for like a decade basically even tho i was technically an adult for the very tail end of it
• got catfished a ton and just stalked and bullied by people who were incredibly socially manipulative and malicious often manifesting as a form of sadistic entertainment for them
• witnessed the complete and total downfall of FBRP and was mostly unable to venture to other places (but if anyone would like to write with me some time DMs are open *within reason)
• ended up creating a really cool script with some buddies that i'm gonna get published so i can pay them royalties for their characters

essentially started doing this dorky shit when i was like 9 on forums and such. (I am 27 now) people my age of course had the luxury of finding other nerds on chat clients such as IMVU, chatango (RIP), omegle (good riddance), and AIM before there was websites like facebook which had instant messaging built in. MySpace did not used to have this but there was of course roleplay happening on there as well. this is the first iteration of social media based roleplaying i believe...but any e-historians can correct me if i am wrong LOL.
i had to have been about 13 when catfishing as some guy in a band just for funsies to fuck with my friends at school. i added some other fake people and then stumbled upon this person who was roleplaying as kat von D and she both was bullying me but at the same time trying to "have sexy time" and at no point was she asking my age. come to find out as of late like this past summer she is 48 years old. this was 15 years ago. so yeah do the math there lol. disgusting. as anyone may know, being bullied causes some people to very badly seek validation from others and predators see this and take that opportunity whenever possible. so obviously other pedos had their way with me but my main most psychologically damning one was with a writing partner who essentially tried to make me into the stereotype of a dirtied up little plaything with an edge that had its innocence ruined by substance abuse. this unfortunately was another very common trend to glamorize this type of behavior...as anyone with a tumblr around 2013-2016 knows.
as i gradually realized that those sorts of situations were not good because they began to manifest irl and i was dating someone who i confided these things in and who used them against me, it got easier to be normal and most of my experiences on rp were sort of normal towards the end of it. i've officially switched my fb to a writing account now and the problems have shifted but a lot are the same. i find myself drifting away even from that with how people are straight up just using AI to even have conversations, let alone pretend to be writing. i wonder what a lot of these sex pest people will do when they find out they have to pay a whole twenty dollars to still get banned for trying to use AI for smut LOL... i digress.
there is always some issue between people who are anonymous online, but the more people seem to identify with their character it can be a very bad thing. i think that social media rp is very psychologically damaging to the wrong people but that it also appeals to people who are very alone and damaged. it is like how everyone was emo and just adding strangers. a lot of RPers start off as emo or they are trying to e-date other fake people. the only normies you see doing it who like radio rap music and use instagram people for their "face claims" are there to play house with others. it is so sad. i wish for it to be a creative outlet for more people to write interesting stories, so if anyone has any other communities or discord servers i am all ears!
*if you want to DM me about roleplaying we can discuss something I have writing samples and links to stuff if you are curious like my pinterest with my OCs and stuff :3 I mostly do vampire related things or dark fantasy/horror and scifi.

First of all congrats to all 2024 graduates.
This is a long one so yea. My dad has always been a pretty much absent father. Especially financially, with my mom buying us everything we’ve needed , we being my sister and I. I have vivid memories of my dad calling and saying he’s come pick us up for us to spend time with him, only for him to arrive at 10 PM to give us a $10 bill and kiss good bye. we saw him occasionally. We’ve maybe been with a total of 10-20 times throughout the entirety our lives. But as we got older we realized that we weren’t a priority of his.
Right around when COVID hit though my dad began to come around a lot more. But not in the way u may be thinking. See my dad got into hard drugs, with his then gf. Lost my baby brother to CPS, and was basically homeless. So he invited himself to our home, sleeping in my moms car at night and sometimes my mom being the god send that she is was nice enough to let him come in and eat when it got colder out. This was the worst time of my life concerning my father . I saw him in a completely different light and thought very little of him. It just completely stunned me that the only way my dad would come to see his kids is if he had nowhere else to go. He , as most drug addicts was in and out of jail, until one time when he had to stay for a few months longer , and then spent a few months in a halfway house. All throughout this and before my mom never really spoke ill of my father , unless she was arguing with him about some bull shit he was doing while being a druggy and hanging around our house, like doing drugs in our basement. But she always encouraged or even forced us to communicate with him, and try to forgive/ build a relationship with him. Aswell as countless times of my mom helping this man. Giving him money, rides, clothes, and wtv else he asked for.
Well after my dad went to jail that last time and was in the halfway house, he came out a new man. He kicked his drug habit, got his CDL license and was doing great. My sister and I were very proud of him and wanted to give him another chance. We spent 4th of July with him, and hung out with him a couple more times just driving around in his car. And just in general we’re a little closer and more communicative.
Fast forward to the 2 main incidents that led to him not being invited to my graduation . So as I was heading over to a friends house one day my car cut out. My mom was at work with a client (she’s a hairdresser) so I naively thought I could call my dad. He showed up took a look under my hood and realized that id need to get it towed. So I took the initiative to start calling tow companies and try to find the cheapest one. I luckily manage to find a guy that would do it for only $65 . Which if you’re an adult you know how much of an insanely good deal that is. Whilst I’m calling tow companies my dad has spent this time complaining about my moms choice in cars , and basically blaming her for my car cutting out. And also trying to call his sister so he could borrow a tool she had to just hitch my car to her truck and tow it himself. He can’t get ahold of her so I bring up the $65 tow guy. This man starts complaining saying he can do it for free and just wait for his sister to pick it up. Anothe 30 minutes go by and nothing. So i call my mom, and ask her can she cashapp me. Of course she says yes. So I call the tow man myself to get my car towed. The entire time this man is complaining about paying $65 fucking dollars, complaining about my mom buying the car , and complaining saying I hope she doesn’t expect me to pay for this. Mind you he has a CDL license, so he’s making good money and can more then afford to pay it . He paid $30,000 for his car cash and was able to save this money up for it in only a few months, so u do that math for how much he makes. At first I was ignoring him letting him talk shit. But he just kept going on and on and on, and I finally snapped and told him to stop talking about my mom and began defending her. We got into a heated argument that ended with him saying don’t ask him for anything, and me assuring him that I won’t. I had started crying because of how frustrated I was at the situation . I was asking something so little of him and this is how he acted? And he made fun of that saying “I’m not going to cry about it either” this was the last straw and I vowed to never reach out to him again.
I kept that vow despite my moms continuous efforts to get me to talk to him/ unblock him/ forgive him , but I was done. My 18th birthday roles around a few months later. And I decided to be nice and invite him, my thought process was I’m going to college soon , and won’t see him for probably the 4 yrs that id be gone away to school. So why not just try. I didn’t ask this man for anything and just told him where the place of my party was. The time comes and my mom and I are a little late to my party about 10-15 minutes late to getting to the place. He begins texting me asking where we are , and I say we’re a few minutes late, but otw and just resend the address . He starts making excuses saying oh he has work he has to go and wtv else. I say ok that’s fine . He says oh I have a gift I wanted to give you. I say oh you could bring it later when ur off or we could meet somewhere for me to get it tmrw. The next day roles around and I ask him if he worked today and when I could meet him to get the gift. Then he starts talking bs saying, oh I already gave it to ur mom, with the child support card. I’m thinkin oh maybe he can put more money on it and did that for me , for my bday. But no he was referring to the money he is mandated to pay by the state , which he just began paying for the last year or he so he’d been driving trucks. So once I realized this I decided to tell him how bad of a father he was, and yes I did disrespect him and curse him out and I didn’t care. This was really the final straw and I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. And that I did. This is where he really fucked up though. He texted my mom saying to give me the childsupprt card for my bday. My mom uses the $400/ month he pays for our utilities and has them on autopay. And idrc what anyone thinks about that I think it’s a very appropriate use of it. Especially since she pays for wtv else we need and want with no complaints . So she tells him it’s sad that has nothing to give his daughter on her 18th birthday and not to text her phone with the bs telling her what to do with the money. Ig this upsets him because he brings up something’s of my moms past , during a time that was really hard for her. And that was it for my mom. She cut him off too, and though she has not hate for him, she says she’s done allowing people in her life that do nothing but take advantage of and disrespect her. I was relieved to finally have my mother stop pressuring me to spend time with my father, and happy to be done with the stress and pain that he usually causes when he’s around.
Fast forward to now , my Graduation was last week. I only had 8 tickets . And I had already decided to give tickets to my grandma , her 5 kids (my mom , aunts , and uncles) my sister and my favorite cousin. A few days before the graduation whilst at school, a teacher pulls me aside and asks me did Ik my dad tried to come up to my school to get a graduation ticket . I laughed this off. The day of my graduation comes and I find out he was at the place of the graduation trying to find me. I was relieved that we didn’t bump into one another because I truthfully don’t want to see him. But later I felt a little bad when thinking about how he tried to come to the school then still came to the graduation despite not being let in obviously for the lack of a ticket. I don’t know why but my mom is in the same boat feeling guilty that he wasn’t let in on such a big moment. And has began some of her old antics of saying oh can he come to ur graduation party (not the ceremony but a family celebration) my guilt however doesn’t extend this far, and I just can’t give this man yet another opportunity to disappoint me. So what do you think Reddit , am I the asshole?

The title pretty much says it all. I met him when I was 19 and I wasn't ready for a relationship, like he was (he was 24). I acted distant and cold throughout the whole relationship to keep him at a safe distance. Ofcourse I had moments where I wasn't cold, but he definitely gave more energy to the relationship from the beginning until the end. I couldn't let myself be vulnerable. Eventually, things escalated, and I impulsively broke up with him. We "made up" and a few days later he broke up with me. He said he was very in love with me but he couldn't be in a relationship that was warfare from the beginning (when you should still be in the honeymoon phase) and he didn't think I was ready (I wasn't).
After we broke up, he messaged me a few weeks later to ask me how I was doing. I was very childish and told him I was going on a date with a potential fwb (I was, but I was definitely telling him hoping that he would react). Then he basically said I could come over to his place aswell, which I interpreted as him wanting to be friends with benefits. I felt very hurt because I was still very much in love with him, and I felt like he was already over me if he was comfortable with the idea of casual sex. It ended in a fight, and eventually he blocked me.
I was blocked for a year. I didn't contact him and he didn't contact me. Eventually, I sent him a letter because I felt bad about how I handled everything. In the letter I said I didn't expect anything back, and that I hoped he found someone that could give him the love he deserved, I just wanted to get it off my chest. He unblocked me, and I noticed from his profile picture that he was dating someone else. He also changed his whole look, tattoo's and all. He said he respected the fact that I sent a letter and that he didn't hold any grudges towards me. We left it at that and never talked again.
That is now 3 years ago. Since then, I've changed a lot as a person. I took a deep look inside, got into therapy, fixed the relationship with my parents, surrounded myself with good people and got a more active social life (back then, I never really left the house lol). My ex always loved to party and he would wish that I was a bit more into that aswell - well, now I am. I became healthier, mentally and physically. I got rid of my acne. I'm weightlifting and doing yoga every day. I got into my masters degree and I'm getting very good grades. I'm getting much more attention from men than I did back then, I like to believe I've had quite a good glowup.
I guess I've been happier than I've ever been, but recently I've been hit by a big wave of sadness. He's still together with the girl from the picture, even living together. Meanwhile, I'm struggling to find someone as good as him. No one I've met so far comes close, and I can say I have tried to put myself out there. I can 100% say I'm ready for the real thing now, but he's not available anymore and it hurts. It hurts that I put so much effort into bettering myself, and he will never get to see how far i've come. It hurts that he is realistically very hard to replace, and I got replaced after a few months.

I've been in love with this woman(X) since I was 14 or 15. I'm 26 now. Nearly 10 or 11 years later. We've been close friends on and off througout these years. On and off because I keep trying to cut ties(which I fail to keep cut because I just end up talking to her again). I did it once in high school when she got a boyfriend and then started talking to her again when they broke up, but I never had the balls to ask her out the rest of high school, and finally when it ended I tried cutting ties again before I left for uni(thought it'd be for good this time because we were going to different states, more than 10 hours away from each other). Things were going okay in uni, in my first year, and I found someone else(Y) that I liked, she had a boyfriend(long distance) so I wasn't hitting on her but l'm pretty sure she knew I liked her. We got really close in the first few months of uni, one day she asks me if i like her and I said yes, after which we stopped talking which really fucking hurt because I thought we were close friends. Right after that happened I started texting X again and it was like we never stopped talking. I got caught for weed at my dorm one night and while I was flipping out about being kicked out of the dorm and my parents finding out, she calls me up and one of the worst nights of my life turned out to be the best, and I guess that's when I realized I'm might still be in love with her. And I confirmed I was in love with her when one of our mutual friends told me that she told him that she liked me at some point in high school. But I didn't wanna admit it or tell her because I saw no point since we were 10 hours apart which just made me feel like absolute shit. Prior to college, till shit went south with Y, I'd never smoked(cigs or weed) or drank and was completely against it. One night I decided to get wasted(it was my first time getting drunk, and the last tbh for another 2 years) and since I didnt know any better I had 8 or 9 shots of whiskey back to back after which I got pretty fucked up and out of control and I ended up texting her admitting how I felt in I think a fucking 3 page essay to which I got no response which made me feel like absolute dogshit and I ended up crying the entire night at my friend's place. Next day I was still feeling like shit and I was at another friend's place smoking up and still crying about it to him and he just picks up my phone and calls her up and asks her to talk to me and she tells me she doesn't feel the same which broke me. After that conversation I just decided to just say fuck it, and fuck up my life, and I was just getting high on weed, alcohol or some other substance every day for the next 4 years. I barely attended uni, managed to get a year back. Pretty much wasted 5 years of my life just getting high or drunk. Anyways after that conversation with X, I stopped talking to her till I think my third year of uni. I met her once in twice in between, once when we were both back at our hometown, and once when she came to score some weed with her boyfriend (yeah I was also a dealer in uni). When I got into my 3rd year of uni, one day she hits me up outta nowhere and she said she's coming over to stay with me, and she stayed for like 2 days. I didnt make a move because I am a fucking dumbass, and I thought she just came there because we were friends. I call myself a dumbass because I do not understand signals from women. I'm also calling myself a dumbass because me and X ended up making out last year and she told me that she's wanted to do this for a while and when I asked her when she told me it whenever she came over to stay with me(which happened like 2 times). And the thing is, we made out after not talking to each other for nearly 3 years. After my uni I decided to completely cut ties with her because I knew that I was fucking up my life and one of the main reasons, there were plenty tbh, that were much worse than a girl not liking me but none of that mattered really because I honestly haven't cared about anything or anyone as much as I cared about her and I didnt know how to get her to like me. At the time I even thought it was all her fault(because it's definitely easier to blame someone else for the shit that goes wrong in your life than to admit that you're the fucking problem) and so one night I just sent her this huge message telling her to get the fuck out if my life and how she has ruined it and blocked her. After this I decided to quit smoking weed every day and isolated myself for a good 6 months(well not really by choice, I decided to move to my uncle's house during covid, and he wouldn't let me out because he was scared of getting infected). After the 6 months I went back to my hometown and I meet her the day after I landed(cuz we have mutual friends) and she asked me if i blocked her and I said yeah. We ended up meeting again a couple of times because we pretty much have the same friends, which didn't help me get over her so I just decided to cut out all my friends for like 2 years. And honestly speaking I got my shit together in those 2 years. Now I've never been someone with a lot of confidence my whole life. I've been an addict with no self control. Addicted to different substances, food, porn, cigarettes, just being an absolute waste man. Throughout high-school I was a fatass ugly fucker. I got attractive in uni cuz I smoked weed and lost a fuck ton of weight, I was attractive on the outside but a piece of shit on the inside(I knew it, but no one else really did)so getting attractive really didn't help my confidence a bit. In the last 2 years I finally got my shit together, got over almost all my addictions(smoking was my main, now it's porn, trying to get over it now) started going to the gym regularly and felt happy about myself, and I decided to start talking to my old friends and unblocked X because I finally realized it's not her fault that shit went wrong in my life, but my own which i didn't really admit to her cuz I had too much ego. I didn't even start talking to her, I just unblocked her and started following her socials. We ended up meeting because of our mutual friends, and the second time we met, we got super drunk, and we both started apologizing to each other. Later that night she made a move on me and we made out for a bit. Now I've hooked up with other people, but I've always felt like shit about it because it just never felt good. But I can't forget this fucking night, like it's etched in my fucking memory unlike most things because I have a shit memory. Honestly I forget most things that happen in my life except for moments i spend with her. Thing is I didn't wanna pursue it any further because I was leaving the country to pursue my passion (which didn't work out and I returned back home) and now I feel like it's too late to pursue it, because I don't think she's interested. I don't wanna tell her how I feel either because I've done this before and it's never worked out. I used to keep making excuses about being single to everyone by telling people that i don't have the opportunity to meet a lot of women after college(partially true), but now at my new job I meet plenty of women but I'm not interested in any of them because I know deep down I'm still in love with X. I don't think I can fall in love with anyone else and honestly I don't know what the fuck to do at this point. Worst part is life is going great at this point after being down in the dumps for so long. Got a decent job that I actually like going to, got great friends, have a lot of control over myself, but I still don't feel any happier because I'm not with her. Can't even tell this to anyone cuz our mutual friends think I'm over her, and don't know anything that happened between us. And my other friends just don't support me liking her so I just tell them I don't like her anymore.

Idk if this belongs here. If there's a more suitable page, please let me know.
Basically, nothing I ever do is enough. I babysit my sister 3 days a week, from 8am to 8pm. She in herself is another whole issue, but that's due to my mother's coddling, no doubt. During this time, I need to get my sister ready for school, drop her off, pick her up, do a variety of chores (dishwasher is all that she says, but she complains if the floors arent clean and the washing is piled up, so basically i try to do every possibke chore), make dinner for everyone, and feed our outdoor pet.
I don't mind this. My mum works hard. But when she comes home she complains about EVERYTHING. If my sister made a mess of something and I hadn't noticed it, if my sister touched the walls with greasy hands, if my shoes were in front of the door after I went out to feed the pet that her and my little sister got before i even knew. Like nothing is good enough. She's constantly bitching about my sisters, which makes me anxious to do the same. When I'm around her I don't dare grab a coke, snack, or make pasta, because she's constantly dogging on them for this.
One of the worst parts is how she claims she's blunt but everything feels passive aggressive. She will address it to my little sister like "Oh what have I told you about doing this, where's your this, hope you haven't been on that TV all day, what did you eat, oh baby let me go get you another drink." Her tone just screams that she's talking to me. Like, I'm sorry your kid is a literal demon. Idk what happened after I left for university, but my sister was lovely and silly, and she adored me, used to want to be me, and now she's horrifying. "If you don't do this, I'll tell Mum lies about you. If you don't, then you'll ruin my childhood, I love mum and my other sisters more than you."
Besides, nothing is good enough for my mother, I'm perfect. On social media, I'm the best daughter, I'm so smart, and she's so proud, and I'm so beautiful. She wonders why I have no self-worth? Because I've never heard those things to my face. I hear her tell me I have a good figure, but never without hearing, "You don't want to be like your sister. She's too skinny." Oh, I have a nice face? Only because my sister is so punchable.
She reminds me every day that she's a great mother. I'll say well you can be a bit this or that, and she has an excuse for everything." Why you do it doesn't matter. If it hurts, it hurts. What's the point in parenting if the child doesn't find it effective.
I recently told her I think I might have something not quite right with me. A lot of people (mostly AuDHD) say they think I'm autistic or have adhd, and I've thought that for a long time. I have a lot of issues, I wouldn't be surprised if it's just a mixture of many of them that just seems like autism or adhd. Basically, my mother said it's a trend right now and an excuse to be lazy. It was really giving "were all depressed, just stop being a lazy victim" vibes. She also told me I was too normal as a child and refutes all the instances of me being strange. Like when I had a no talking phase, when I told all my friends I didn't like them because they were too hard to talk to, when I cried to my mum basically explaining alexithymia to her because I didn't feel the emotions I expressed, all my various sensory issues I still have to this day that she said we're typical kid behaviour. It's all only gotten worse from there. I feel completely not normal, like I can't explain it. I also have a lot of issues with sounding monotone. Sometimes, I feel like I'm "dropping the act." From a young age, I've always been told off about my tone. If I'm angry, I better not sound it, if I'm sad, if I'm pissed off. I'm always lectured about my tone, but she sounds like she's making passive-aggressive jabs at me all the time, and that's fine.
There's so much more, like so much more. A lot of things she would say never happened. Like how she let my abusive bf take drugs to a holiday and kind of peer pressuring me to do them (I got SAd while I was sleeping that night by him). She said the whole time she didn't like him but didn't tell me in case I got upset. Or that time when I was getting pressured by my bf at 13, and she thought something was going on and just told me if I'm going to do anything I should just ask her for condoms instead of being an idiot. Reading this back, holy shit. One time she was crying and I went to give her a hug and she shooed me away and told me to leave her alone, and then seconds later my sisters aunt did the same thing and she broke down to her even more and hugging her. I was her emotional support child, btw, so obviously, this crushed me as that felt like my only value to her.
But yeah, there's so much idk how to even get into it all. So it probably doesn't seem so bad because this is probably typical parent behaviour. Also, yes, she is a single mother, and I'm grateful, but she has never said sorry to me. Never. It's always sorry you feel that way, but you're dramatic, victimising yourself, lazy, you'll thank me later. Like, no, I won't. Later you'll be estranged. She also has it in my head that no man is good. She keeps warning me of my bf, who yes is a pos sometimes, but better than a druggy rpist? I'd fricking say so, yeah. I tried to OD after breaking up with him. She doesn't even know because if I told her, she'd say I'm stupid and selfish. She also gets annoyed when I unblock my bf (as I broke up with him) to work things out. We're in a hard place, and I'm having complex emotions, and she just wants me to block him and spend time with family and study well. Like, let me grieve, jeez. She also tells me him mother is a psycho jealous bitch and his dad is a pdo. Like excuse me? You met them once, and know nothing about them.
I'm just writing this because I woke up to her complaining about a single cup and some pans that were left out last night (since the dishwasher was on) and saying how it's unfair as she wakes up early and has to deal with it. Why didn't you deal with it by cleaning it if it bothered you? Instead you wait till people are awake to criticise it and make them feel bad. Like we always do the dishwasher, that's one of my babysitting chores. Just ask me to do it nicely when I wake up, why all the backhanded comments and sparky remarks? Just communicate, you're 45, get a grip. She feigns perfection constantly and paints us as a perfect family when one child has cptsd, one has anxiety, I got a shit tonne of issues, and my little sister is an absolute entitled brat who will cry and scream and threaten if not given her way. Literally my sister said she would tell lies about me because I told her to wipe her own ass because I had chores to do (she's 8) and she said my mother would do it and that's why she doesn't love me. I want out of this house, but my mum will fault me for not babysitting as it costs money, and I do it for free.
Ask any questions you'd like. I understand there's not much to go off of, I'm happy to elaborate as I really need to vent I can't lie.

I've been in love with this girl(X) since I was 14 or 15. I'm 26 now. Nearly 10 or 11 years later. We've been close friends on and off througout these years. On and off because I keep trying to cut ties(which I fail to keep cut because I just end up talking to her again). I did it once in high school when she got a boyfriend and then started talking to her again when they broke up, but I never had the balls to ask her out the rest of high school, and finally when it ended I tried cutting ties again before I left for uni(thought it'd be for good this time because we were going to different states, more than 10 hours away from each other). Things were going okay in uni, in my first year, and I found someone else(Y) that I liked, she had a boyfriend(long distance) so I wasn't hitting on her but l'm pretty sure she knew I liked her. We got really close in the first few months of uni, one day she asks me if i like her and I said yes, after which we stopped talking which really fucking hurt because I thought we were close friends. Right after that happened I started texting X again and it was like we never stopped talking. I got caught for weed at my dorm one night and while I was flipping out about being kicked out of the dorm and my parents finding out, she calls me up and one of the worst nights of my life turned out to be the best, and I guess that's when I realized I'm might still be in love with her. And I confirmed I was in love with her when one of our mutual friends told me that she told him that she liked me at some point in high school. But I didn't wanna admit it or tell her because I saw no point since we were 10 hours apart which just made me feel like absolute shit. Prior to college, till shit went south with Y, I'd never smoked(cigs or weed) or drank and was completely against it. One night I decided to get wasted(it was my first time getting drunk, and the last tbh for another 2 years) and since I didnt know any better I had 8 or 9 shots of whiskey back to back after which I got pretty fucked up and out of control and I ended up texting her admitting how I felt in I think a fucking 3 page essay to which I got no response which made me feel like absolute dogshit and I ended up crying the entire night at my friend's place. Next day I was still feeling like shit and I was at another friend's place smoking up and still crying about it to him and he just picks up my phone and calls her up and asks her to talk to me and she tells me she doesn't feel the same which broke me. After that conversation I just decided to just say fuck it, and fuck up my life, and I was just getting high on weed, alcohol or some other substance every day for the next 4 years. I barely attended uni, managed to get a year back. Pretty much wasted 5 years of my life just getting high or drunk. Anyways after that conversation with X, I stopped talking to her till I think my third year of uni. I met her once in twice in between, once when we were both back at our hometown, and once when she came to score some weed with her boyfriend (yeah I was also a dealer in uni). When I got into my 3rd year of uni, one day she hits me up outta nowhere and she said she's coming over to stay with me, and she stayed for like 2 days. I didnt make a move because I am a fucking dumbass, and I thought she just came there because we were friends. I call myself a dumbass because I do not understand signals from women. I'm also calling myself a dumbass because me and X ended up making out last year and she told me that she's wanted to do this for a while and when I asked her when she told me it whenever she came over to stay with me(which happened like 2 times). And the thing is, we made out after not talking to each other for nearly 3 years. After my uni I decided to completely cut ties with her because I knew that I was fucking up my life and one of the main reasons, there were plenty tbh, that were much worse than a girl not liking me but none of that mattered really because I honestly haven't cared about anything or anyone as much as I cared about her and I didnt know how to get her to like me. At the time I even thought it was all her fault(because it's definitely easier to blame someone else for the shit that goes wrong in your life than to admit that you're the fucking problem) and so one night I just sent her this huge message telling her to get the fuck out if my life and how she has ruined it and blocked her. After this I decided to quit smoking weed every day and isolated myself for a good 6 months(well not really by choice, I decided to move to my uncle's house during covid, and he wouldn't let me out because he was scared of getting infected). After the 6 months I went back to my hometown and I meet her the day after I landed(cuz we have mutual friends) and she asked me if i blocked her and I said yeah. We ended up meeting again a couple of times because we pretty much have the same friends, which didn't help me get over her so I just decided to cut out all my friends for like 2 years. And honestly speaking I got my shit together in those 2 years. Now I've never been someone with a lot of confidence my whole life. I've been an addict with no self control. Addicted to different substances, food, porn, cigarettes, just being an absolute waste man. Throughout high-school I was a fatass ugly fucker. I got attractive in uni cuz I smoked weed and lost a fuck ton of weight, I was attractive on the outside but a piece of shit on the inside(I knew it, but no one else really did)so getting attractive really didn't help my confidence a bit. In the last 2 years I finally got my shit together, got over almost all my addictions(smoking was my main, now it's porn, trying to get over it now) started going to the gym regularly and felt happy about myself, and I decided to start talking to my old friends and unblocked X because I finally realized it's not her fault that shit went wrong in my life, but my own which i didn't really admit to her cuz I had too much ego. I didn't even start talking to her, I just unblocked her and started following her socials. We ended up meeting because of our mutual friends, and the second time we met, we got super drunk, and we both started apologizing to each other. Later that night she made a move on me and we made out for a bit. Now I've hooked up with other people, but I've always felt like shit about it because it just never felt good. But I can't forget this fucking night, like it's etched in my fucking memory unlike most things because I have a shit memory. Honestly I forget most things that happen in my life except for moments i spend with her. Thing is I didn't wanna pursue it any further because I was leaving the country to pursue my passion (which didn't work out and I returned back home) and now I feel like it's too late to pursue it, because I don't think she's interested. I don't wanna tell her how I feel either because I've done this before and it's never worked out. I used to keep making excuses about being single to everyone by telling people that i don't have the opportunity to meet a lot of women after college(partially true), but now at my new job I meet plenty of women but I'm not interested in any of them because I know deep down I'm still in love with X. I don't think I can fall in love with anyone else and honestly I don't know what the fuck to do at this point. Worst part is life is going great at this point after being down in the dumps for so long. Got a decent job that I actually like going to, got great friends, have a lot of control over myself, but I still don't feel any happier because I'm not with her.

Salam everyone,
I 25f was married (technically still am as it's my Iddah) to my husband 28m.. We met off of Muzz, and he asked for my hand within a few weeks. We ended up married after a month or so.
Things went downhill drastically. I have mentioned elsewhere on Reddit that, he wouldn't want to hug me, he wouldn't want to sit with me. I had to "quickly" kiss him. He wouldn't provide for me usually, I was a uni student, and my mum would help me out, and I would tutor. He didn't look after me when I was sick with the chickenpox or when I partially tore my muscle. If I chew gum for longer than a few minutes he doesn't like it because my breath smells, I can't walk normally apparently, I am too loud, etc.
His family would be mean. They'd laugh at my suggestions of baby names, tell me I'm not their blood, that I'm psychotic and jealous because my family don't sit with me, or jealous because I can't have a baby (don't think that's true...I think I can).
I have tried hard believe me. I tried to soothe him when he wanted to divorce me over another woman. I tried to be patient when his family were being awful. I tried to be patient when he didn't want me. I tried to be patient when I moved to my mum's after uni for a job and he didn't come to visit me because he doesn't want to or he's tired.
Except..in the marriage he would threaten to divorce me. Every few months. First over another woman, then, because he is overwhelmed, and now...he has actually divorced me on paper because apparently my personality is different to his. I am bubbly and outgoing and he wants to be left alone. He says our marriage is causing fitnah for everyone else and he can't cope.
I tried reconciling, I even have paid for him in the past, got him gifts, you name it. He said, he's not interested. And he can't balance me and his family. He's sorry. He blocked me off everything too, except text.
Recently...he's unblocked me. He hasn't messaged me.
The thing is I know I should move on, but here's where it gets more complex. My father SA'd me and was emotionally and physically abusive, so I no longer have contact with him, I have been raped. And I don't really have a wali except for my paternal cousins who can be toxic.
I have 19ish days left of my Iddah, but I am struggling. I feel like I am turning towards sin. I am struggling immensely, crying, doing haram.
I have previously also sinned. The abuse started when I was 5 and then became sexual at 15ish onwards till I was 20ish. I know it's no excuse, but I am diagnosed with BPD, I struggle immensely.
I want to find someone else. I'm worried of the judgement and worried that the wali thing may put them off. I don't know how to approach people, my mum has a very small circle. I feel so let down. I thought my husband would be my final stop after all this abuse...
The divorce happened over the phone and was formalized in writing. He hasn't come to see me since Jan.
When I tell people my divorce is due to my personality, they think I'm joking, until some of them see the texts.
I feel terrible. It's not getting easier. Idk what to do.
Posting here too as from an Islamic point of view people may understand more.
Jzk! Any advice would be appreciated.

TW Stalking, harassment, SH
Thursday at 8 am I woke up to a phone call which was unusual, it was private but I was half asleep and thought it might be someone trying to get ahold of me. All I heard was ... well it sounded like someone was getting out of a vehicle or closing a door. I thought I was being butt dialed or something. They call a few more times, I answer a few but mostly decline, nothing. More repeated calls and I pick up and this time a man is moaning my name. I immediately hang up and call the nonemergency police number and all the police really told me was to block the numbers and maybe change my number which I haven't yet but Im probably going to have to. This person called over eighty times in an hour before I could find the 'block unknown numbers' button in my settings because it didn't give me a way to block it in my call history or mid call. He also left two voice mails moaning, making sounds like he was masturbating and sent two text messages from another fake number. I called my carrier to get my call logs from that morning but they said it'll take 35 days. I dont know why it has to take that long. I don't know if it's some guy that knows me or just some random creep that found my number and decided to ruin my sense of safety. I don't know if they're local or foreign because the voice was too low and I didn't recognize it. A localish number slipped through but that be fake/spoofed too. Im honestly terrified. I went to a police station but they told me to go to the one in my town and I went there before on a separate matter months ago just to waste my time going from there, to county police, then back there again so I didn't have much faith in them. I was too emotionally drained to go to my local one today. But I was also told that I need to tell them via text preferably to stop and they're making me uncomfortable. I don't know how 90 percent of declined calls and blocked numbers. I just don't know what more I can do. I don't want to unblock him and hear his voice again. I shouldn't have to change my damn phone because some asshole likes to get his jolly's off traumatizing women. I don't go anywhere and I haven't given out my number in years. If it's someone I knew then they have been holding on to my number for several years. I don't know what advice anyone can give me but any is appreciated. Hell maybe I'm looking for comfort at this point. A private number has called me a few times since but I don't know if they're going to stop or what. Im just scared.

^{I wish-} there could be less drama.
^{I wish} you would go back and read what you've said to me and see what I've done in comparison.
I ^wish you could act empathetically and with care/caution as if my feelings mattered a bit.
I'm asking for you to be LESS egotistical. You don't see how it makes you blind, not just to me but to risks, bad decisions, and outside threats. "Pride comes before the fall."
With this ego issue, you don't know how or when to make nice. That's the missing element of a disagreement: You lash out and have to make nice. That's always been brushed aside; if it's mentioned, you get nasty. Why are you avoiding mediating the pain you cause?
I tried my best to live up to your image of me for as long as I could. I always stayed faithful in my heart to the decisions I made. If I acted, it was with the information I had then and nothing more. If my decisions were wrong or miscalculated, it was because my information was limited and I made best call I could, not because I was some bad/scheming person.
If you disagreed with my "nefarious" actions, I don't really care about your judgment on that move. It was about maximizing the good in that situation and protecting two people, not just one. Anyway, proof of a good decision is that it's sorted between you two now, right? There was no massive fallout.
ANOTHER ISSUE:
When I'm down and weak, you point, laugh, or find it annoying, pick at me, and then make me weaker. It's paralyzing. NOW- when you're down and weak, I play Governess. Why do you do the reverse of nurture and attack when I'm down; isn't that predatory? Is that how you truly feel?
You forget how I acted when I barely knew you. I saw you at your lowest. Naked, showering without a shower curtain, I kept your thoughts in check and suggested how to make blanket nests without a mattress. Along with everything else. THRU your tears, THRU your mindtrips, THRU your rage.
I had your fucking back. I found it bonding. It forced me to see how I truly felt about you. Which was that I cared.
So, what about you? Did you have my back when I was just as shaken up mentally four days ago? Did you feel drawn closer to me through your care?
NAH. We both know you acted sarcastic, rolled your eyes, and just acted disgusted with my "weakness". That's a GLARING fucking problem for me. You can have your problems with me- that one is MINE.
I fucking miss you, I miss what I still see/know is there, but its obscured by shit that, unfortunately- tells me I'm gonna keep getting hurt. I'm not trying to "Come back" or "resolve" none of this power play SHIT. I just want to know you HEARD me. That's all.
I know you got other women to handle- lord knows you had to always tell me about em! 😂 so take care, ill leave you unblocked and play it as friends if you ever decide to reach out.

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after he asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

SYNOPSIS: Walking your OP monster girlfriend home is easy. No one messes with you. Getting back to your house on your own? That's the tricky part.
What's worse than an eldritch building? How 'bout a bigger one?
First Previous (See NEXT>> in comments)
Chapter Cover Art (From Mood Writing Sample)
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Norman took one look at the towering building to his left. Then he took off.
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“̷̵̵̷̶̷̶̶̸̶̶̸̴̡̛̮͉̹̪̼̙̤̲̤͔̗̮̥̣̜͓̟̞̃̔̈́̑̈̍͌̂̂̐̋͛̉̓G̵̶̸̷̴̸̵̵̴̶̸̷̸̴̶̨̢̧̞͈̠̜̳̪͎̬̜̱̫͚̝̩̑̒͐́͆̃̿̉̆̉̃̓̀̎̐͂̎̒̕̕͘͝͝Ǵ̷̷̷̴̸̸̷̷̷̷̵̨̢̞̥͓̰͖͙̰̝͖̩̺͍͎͉͌̽̂́͐̓̀͒̐͗́M̴̷̶̵̴̷̵̶̵̴̷̷̢̡̧̢̛̫̲͕͇̗̯͚̥͙͓͓̀̒͑͒̂̊̅̐͛̂̄͌̈̚͝M̴̷̶̵̴̷̷̶̷̬̼̭̗͍̺̳̩̱͍̂̄̾͂̔̽̇̀͝͝͝͠M̶̯̙̥͕̞̰̗̗͐̔!̸̞̞̬̼̖̩̈́̇͊͐̾͑͋̉!̷̧͈̘̬̆͑͝!̶̤̜̔̓̆̅̔͆͘͝”̸̨̧̼̭̫̒͜

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The new hunting cry boomed through his body. It was much louder than the first building’s, albeit shorter, like a tap on the shoulder from a titan proclaiming its presence to the world.
Of course, the tap of a titan could flatten a man.
Norman fell. His legs had simply stopped working. Jaws clenched, he forced his will into wobbly muscles. His palms slammed into the waterlogged street, stopping the fall. With a sharp push, he sprang back to his feet and ran on.
Norman yanked out the remaining two flash grenades on the go, strung them together, armed and drew back for a throw.
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“̷̬̳̙̍̎̆G̴̥͇̥͔͕̫̈̀M̵̛͇̜͙͇̫͔̭̩̝̜̓̈̏̓̓̀͛̚͜͝͝M̷̩͈͉̘͙̿͌̃̽͂̃̏̏̓̾̈́͌̈́̉̅̄̉͘!̷̢̧̢̤͓̭̖̝̏̏̄̓̾̉̆͋͘͝!̵͍̱̼̮̯̺̲͙̖̮̗͓̻̓̊͂̒̔͐̎͘͘̚!̵̙͍̟̌͒̃͂̎͠”̶̡̛̠̱̭̞̹̟͉̒̎̎̂͂̐̈́̓̄̚̕

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That quick boom pounded through him. His fingers faltered. The flash grenades slipped from his grip and fell. He was still recovering from the sound when they went off at his feet. The nightsight filtered the flash, so he didn’t go blind. He’d gutted the flash grenade’s speakers, so he didn’t go deaf. The peeping building could deafen him all on its own … no, this wasn’t a peeping building. He’d slew a peeping building. They were small fries by comparison.
This was an eyescraper.
Tentacles the width of busses unsheathed from its sides. Even if he’d managed to launch the grenades and bathe it in smitelight, he suspected that wouldn’t be enough.
Norman sliced at its eyes with a focused beam. It barely flinched. Maybe if it got close enough, he could affect it a bit. By then, it would be too late.
Throbbing chuffs thundered from the monster. It sounded like a laugh.
Norman shot it a defiant glare. He bolted. Not fast enough. He could feel the giant closing in. So, he moved faster. Then faster, and still faster. His muscles blared their warnings. Rain lashed his face. He felt the air begin to resist his movements as he reached a speed at which it mattered. It was in his way, so he pushed through it too. No one was there to tell him he was moving far faster than any human known to history. All he cared about was hearing that thing fall behind him, and so it did. The tremours of its tremendous movements grew fainter.
At the end of the street, an apartment building came into view. Norman threw himself against it, climbing with the reckless abandon of a madman. He was halfway to the top.
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“̷̧̨̭̹̘̥̮͖̤̻̥̬̌̀͒̔͌̊̀̚͜͜͠Ǧ̶̨̨̧̺̘̰̗̘̥̝̗̦̩͖͎͋̈͑͐̒̽̉̔͛̾̒́̕ͅM̴̨̉́̾̉͂͆̔̿̀̃̇̎̍͆̂̽͗̔͘͠ͅM̷̝̻̱̆̍͜!̴̮̬̯̮̦̖́͂̆͋̿̇̎̄̄̅̂͑̎̀̕͘͝͝͝!̸̲͎̲̼̠̮̱͖̥̭̤̩͓̘̜͈̟̖̮̰̦͖̀̂͗͂̽̈́̋͌͂̐̓̈̕!̸̜̆̿̋̔̽̕”̷̢̦̜̰̼̳̝͓̆͗̈́̆̆̑̃̾͑̀͗͒͆́͐͒̈́̿̽̕̕͜

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His grip went limp. He fell. Struck the ground. His head bounced. The world grew fu...z z y.
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W
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_CHAT

• LEMMY.OUTA.HERE: (Stupse) Well, he ded.
• BAJANETTE11: ARN74, JUST GO AND FIND HIM!!!
• ARN74: HE DIDN’T SEND ME DE PIN! DIS BAAARE STRESS! NORMAN, YOU PUNK! YOU EMOTIONALLY INVESTED ME IN THIS CHANNEL! IF YOU DIE NOW I’M GONNA KILL YOU!

Something was yapping in the background, but it wasn’t important. He felt fine. Everything was fine. Why not rest? Why was he even-?

_CHAT

• ARN74: YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN’T LEAVE AMY!!

What? No he didn’t! Promises weren’t for trolls! Why would he leave Amy anyway?
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“̸̼͔̖̜̫͍͚̊́̽͆̓̂̋̋͐̕Ģ̴̢͕͉̯̺̗̖͔͙̪͓̻̯̫̭̙̱͕̠̭̩̌M̸̨̧̘̟̹̖̻̲͍̭͓͉̰͙̦̣̜͉̻̎̅͗̇̈́̈̏͌̓̾̀̈̈́͜M̵̢̢̖̯̦͍͕̝̯̥̹̪̠̥̰̝̖̊͛̀̇͜!̵̢̡̡͚͕̘̟͕̥̦̪͆̈́̿͆!̴̛̹͈̜̥͔̬͎̪̩͚̦̯̟̘̩̰̳̍̑̂́̌͌̎́̒͋̽̿̑͌͝͝!̴̛̥͕̪͂̂̂̈̓͆͗̇̄̈́̌̅̎͂̕̚̕͝͠”̷̧̧̛̠̝̰̞̘͙̥̖͎̭̞̜̳̟̓͆̌̊̃̔́͒͋̇̈́͘̚͠͝ͅ
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Oh, right. There was a skyscraper running him down. To think he lived in a world where that made any sense. He rubbed his throbbing head. It was hard to think, though.

_CHAT

• ARN74: TRY AN CLIMB DE TING OPPA!

Brain fog would have to wait.
In two twos he jumped onto the side of the building and kept going up and up without breaking the momentum of the leap. Adrenaline had challenged gravity. Gravity lost. There was no pause to assess handholds. There was no rain stinging his face. In his mind, there was only ‘CLIMB, CLIMB, CLIMB!’ Crest the rooftop. ‘RUN, RUN, RUN!’ Descend the other side ‘JUMP!’ Gravity greedily reclaimed Norman, dragging him 4 storeys down at breakneck speed. He hit the ground in a parkour roll. Bruised a bone. Nearly fractured a shoulder. Wrenched his spine. Joints, muscle, ligaments almost popped. They didn’t.
He was running again.
Norman had never heard a building shred like paper. He’d never thought to wonder what it sounded like.
*( ( BMMM! ) ) ( ( BMM! ) ) ( ( BOOM! ) ) \*

SHHHHHRRRRRRMMMM!

Now he knew.
Those booms … was it the eyescraper’s tentacles breaking the sound barrier, or punching holes through the apartment building? Maybe both. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that it was tearing the building in two with the ease of one parting curtains. Buildings were not designed to be parted. Two became legions as the sundered building collapsed.
Norman rushed for an abandoned truck, slid beneath the trailer. Not quite fast enough. Most of the rubble didn’t reach him directly, but upon hitting the ground? It pulverised into a blast of cloud like a sandstorm. Hissing beneath the trailer, the dust stung at his ankles. He ignored it, racing for the truck’s cabin at the front. Perched on the step beneath the door, he braced as the dust raced beneath, around and above him. The cabin was his shield. He flinched to a duck when its windows shattered as the dust cloud blasted straight through them. The truck rocked and slid slightly, bombarded by wind and dust. It lurched as a chunk of debris finally reached it, crumpling the trailer like cheap foil.
Time to move.
Particles prickled Norman’s eyes, finding their way through the nightsight. He took a fresh glimpse of the path ahead before clouds of grey engulfed it all.
Memorised.
He dashed on. A split second later, the cabin was levelled under a larger slab of concrete. More sporadically thundered down around him. His eyes were squeezed shut, denying entry to any more particles. He scrambled through the street, dodging obstacles from memory. As for the concrete rainfall that couldn’t be seen? He had some prayers about that, but it probably came out like half-baked gibberish.
Norman chanced opening his eyes. They watered like crazy. At least most of the dust was gone. Behind him, the eyescraper’s menacing silhouette was picking through the rubble. Finally, an unblocked street was in sight. He rounded the corner.
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“̵̨̢̮͕̻̲̺́͠G̵̣̒́̓̽̅̊͘͝Ọ̷̝̣͓͙͔̀ͅͅǪ̷̜̺͚̲̯̭̈́̍͂͑̋̋̅͂̅́M̷̨̤̭͈̯̤͋̾̏̈̅̉̀̏͘M̵̡̢̙̱͌̊̓͒́͌Ḿ̸̳͗̀̀͐͒͗́͠ͅ!̷͍͉̣̪̫͙̳̲̤̎̀̾̅̈́̔̎̑͘͜͝͝!̴̨͈͖̘̖̅͛̋̽͠!̸͎̩͓̫̥̼̫̊”̵̫̗̞̣̝̃̅̕͘͜͜͝ͅ
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Another peeping building, rumbling in from the new street. Alright. Straight it was.
.
“̷̢̧̻̹͚͔̾G̵̳̭̾̃̎̍̌̂̈́̂͛͘M̶̧̠͇͔͚͉̮͈̰͒͊́̏̔̄̾̊͐̒͂͜M̸̳͓̋͋̔͑̔̔̕͝Ő̷͓̟̱̮͓̍̂̾̽̇͘͠Ô̸̧̫͉̮͚̥̥̯̈̾͋̅͂͘̚M̶̢̫̥̰̮̪͙̬̙̗̺̽͒͐͌̋̈̄͆͝M̴̢̧̧̛̗͔͓̫̭̳̱͑̉!̵̡̛̛͍̲̓̅̑̈́̿̏͘̕͠!̸̧̖͔̣̩̏́͋̀͛͂̏̀̇̑͐!̴̧͕̝̮̤̱͈̬͋”̸͓̉̈́̑̎͊̌
.
Maybe not. A third building emerged from the rainfall ahead. All streets blocked. He glanced about. All alleys still blocked. This really was a hunting net, but this much energy for a tiny human? Predators weren’t usually like this.
He ran for the nearest building that wasn’t occupied by eldritch calamari.

( ( BOOMM! ) )

The eyescraper’s tentacle crossed his path. Its supersonic shockwave sent him flying.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Norman came to. Rain poured against his face as he lay on his back. How long was he out? Why was it so cold? The atmosphere didn’t quite feel right. It didn’t look right either. Something about the colours, or subtle lack thereof. Everything seemed a bit desaturated. Norman sat up and coughed his lungs out, evicting a mix of dust and rain water collected in his slackly gaping mouth. Buildings towered above him on every side, a bit too close for comfort.
.

“̸̮̼͍̻̯̲̹͓̬̻̓̍G̷̛̖̙̰̰̟̓Ḿ̸̧̨͊̊̔͒͌̆͆͘͠͝M̷̧̺̏̿̆͑͆͋̅͌̕͝G̵̰̺͇̺̯̲͇̠͖͂͜M̸̡̨͕̹̗̥̎͑́̾!̸͇͙͚̝̩͕̙̒!̵͙̬̮̪̏̍!̶͔̪͉̙̘̃̐̄͝”̶̡̡̥̫̻̝̜̫͙̩͛ͅ

.
Oh, right, those weren’t just buildings.
Norman raised a finger, gesturing to wait. “Could you *kaff!* quit subwoofin’ at me for, like, ten seconds!”
“Plucky.̵͚͐͝ for all seasons I .̵̦̺͐̅see,” came a skin-crawling voice from behind him.
Norman swung back his smitelight. It barely moved half a foot, then it stopped. Rather, something stopped it. That ‘something’ was cold. So cold. His wrist felt the chill without even touching it.
Norman turned, slowly, so as not to trigger further attacks. He found himself looking up.
Eight feet tall. Dark grey skin. A grin that went a little too wide. Dagger teeth. An open-chested jacket, revealing sinewy muscles with luminous markings like tattoos. His ebony eyes bore penetrating white pupils. Of all his traits, the dreadlocks stood out most. They belonged in a nightmare, dancing through the air with a life of their own. Somehow, they looked blacker than black, absorbing every ray of light or heat that came their way. That icy chill in the air shifted with the movements of his dreadlocks. They seemed to drink life from the air itself. Norman almost found it hard to breathe. One dreadlock clutched Norman’s smitelight, only by the tip, but its grip was iron.
Norman stared the tall man down.
The nyctal’s grin grew by a smidgeon.
Taking a calculated risk, Norman released the smitelight. Perhaps a peace offering would do good.
“Good.̷̧͋͌̎̿ boy,” the tall man nodded, admiring the smitelight as the dreadlock rotated it. “Clever.̴̧̤̩͈͓̖͂ͅ toy.”
Norman noted an understated Jamaican accent in his voice.
More dreadlocks slithered across the smitelight, as if tasting its every nook and cranny.
Norman did his best to look casual as he scanned for an escape route. The eyescraper’s tentacles had wrapped around the street, fencing him in.

_CHAT

• BAJANETTE11: 😳
• DARCIE222: okay, i’m back
• HARD-BACK-M8N: who you is again?
• DARCIE222: i left after the twilight angel sleep paralysis
• LEMMY_OUTA_HERE: And you’re back for more?
• DARCIE222: wonna know it impossible to stay away from a channel like dis

Norman looked at the tall nyctal again.

_CHAT

• DARCIE222: 😲 WHO IS THAT?!? AND WHY IS HE KIND OF …??? 😍
• MUNSTER-VERSER: I KNOW!!!
• BAJANETTE11: HE LIKE A VAMPIRE RASTA MAN! ❤❤❤
• ENTO_MOLLY: MOVE OVER MIGUEL O’HARA!! 😍🥰😘
• BAJANETTE11: NORMAN ASK FOR HE NUMBER!!!
• NORMAN: I HERE ABOUT TO DIE AND WONNA WANT HE PHONE NUMBER!?!

The nyctal’s eyes shifted to Norman inquisitively. He frowned, raising an eyebrow as the comments piled up. Finally, he smirked mischievously.
“Your fanbase has peculiar tastes,” purred the tall man.

_CHAT

• ENTO_MOLLY: 😳 Is … he talking about us? HE CAN SEE THE CHAT???
• DARCIE222: THE WAY HE SAID IT!!!
• DARCIE222: HBVJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJKL;K''
• LEMMY_OUTA_HERE: Did she just pass out on the keyboard?
• LIKKLE-BOY: lol!
• ARN74: you’re simping. Norman’s about to die, and you’re simping

The tall man handed Norman his smitelight.
Norman’s suspicious gaze flicked between the nyctal and the weapon. Finally, he reached out and took hold of the smitelight.
It crumbled in his fingers like ice-cold ashes. If not for the insulation gloves, he might have gotten frostbite.
The nyctal laughed.
Norman didn’t find it particularly amusing.
The tall man sauntered towards the eyescraper. Beyond it was a darkness even the nightsight had difficulty piercing. He beckoned Norman as if it were an afterthought.
“Please come in, .̵̭̻͌̓̂Norman.̶̲͕͇̅̑̚,” the nyctal instructed.
Norman stared stubbornly, hands in his pockets as he rocked on his heels. He felt for his smartphone. It wasn’t there. When had he lost it?
Without looking back, the nyctal held up Norman’s phone. It disintegrated between his fingers as he rubbed them together.
Norman glared. At least the guy hadn’t pickpocketed deeply enough to find other things.
“Hey. To whom do I owe the … pleasure?” Norman almost had to push the last word through his teeth.
The nyctal stopped in the eyescraper’s doorframe. Shrouded in shadow, little could be seen of him, save the piercing white pupils peering out. Then the glint of his Cheshire grin.
“.̴̜͓̭̻̤̍̈́̆͑͑John Crow.̸̻̮̓̈́̏̓͘,” he answered, before receding into the darkness.
The eyescraper’s tentacles dragged in across the street, corralling Norman towards the building. With an exasperated groan, he trudged towards the main entrance.
“I want my bed,” grumbled Norman.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hi, so my bf broke up 3 months back and well I cannot move on. The reason for breakup he used to give me was “his work life is a shit and he needs time to himself and he feels bad when I’ve to point out that he needs to give me attention too”. For most time after breakup we fought and I wanted him to come back but later on I just left it how it is.
We met 3-4 times after breakup because I was leaving Mumbai as my college ended and my job location is blr. During one such meet he mentioned something like the real reason why he broke was not entirely the office scene but also distance will happen. I mean whenever we had this conversation during relationship that do you want to do distance or not he used to say “if you are into this then yes I’ll try my best to make this work”.
So now like a normal person I want to move on but I cannot because my ex messages me here and there telling me stuffs happening in his family, or if he is bored or just want to hear me rant about things. Because of this I cannot. I did mention him to stop it and reminded him that we are not together anymore and I’ve not reached that level to be friends with him now. To which his reply was to block him if I find irritating. I tried blocking but I end up unblocking him. And like an idiot any major event which happens in my life I inform him and the same energy is not reflected back to which I get disappointed too. And then my cycle of not moving on does not move anywhere.
Please help me out and also this is my first Reddit post so be kind.

I’ll spare you all of the nitty gritty - had a fiery hot breakup with a woman who deals with severe alcohol abuse problems. The intricacies of that I will be omitting.
A time line of events in the last week-
Sunday - I apologize for my wrong doings at the end of the brief relationship. No contact the remainder of the day. She comes directly to the bar spot I like to relax with friends that she never stepped foot in before meeting me, to use the restroom and leave and yell “fuck you”. Okay , whatever.
Monday - I begin receiving texts and calls from several numbers, mostly non threatening and mocking in nature. I consult police because I have an inherent belief some of these phone numbers (a couple of which I could true people search and figure out who they were) would intend to potentially hurt or threaten me. Police tell me I have to receive an inherent threat for them to act. I text the woman from a google voice number to politely ask for it to stop, and to not follow me to the place I like to go to be safe and have fun. Of course, I just get shit on.
Tuesday - I receive more and more texts and calls, spam calls, and a text message that is inherently threatening. Threatening to “86” me if I don’t “fall off”. I decide to have a conversation with one of the numbers that I knew the identity of to understand how my number was being spread. She had posted it in a group chat, which was then shared to a mass amount of people. I again show her the texts I’m receiving, ask her to stop distributing my phone number before I get a protective order. I Get shit on, no idea what you’re talking about, all that. Am told she would be getting a new phone number and that if I contacted her again she’d go to the police.
Fast forward
Friday - the texts and calls have mostly stopped. I clean my home, find a lot of her belongings , enough to not want to throw away. I made it clear I had no ill will towards her, that I don’t want anything to continue and hope the best for her and made that clear to her friends even with everything she did to me. I make sure she isn’t home, drop the bag off with her stuff, and leave promptly. She unblocks me to send a $1 Apple Pay to mock me with regard to something I said about small claims court because she owed me money. I unfortunately engage in conversation, entirely civil, tell her I have no issues with her nothing and say nothing but good things about her under the issues she faces. Made one disparaging comment about her alcohol abuse and throwing away everything good in her life with it, and hoping she gets better after she shit on me again. She later realizes I dropped the stuff off at her home, asks me to not show up unannounced, totally reasonable. I say I just did it because I was blocked on everything, was told a she’d be getting new number, and even if she didn’t I did not want to reopen the conversation.
Friday night - she shows up to the one bar spot, again, with a friend. Okay - I will avoid her, she’s doing this to get a reaction out of me, it is what it is. I’ll avoid her and go out back with my friends. She follows me, and sits directly behind me to continue bad mouthing me and making jokes to cause me stress. She is also wearing one of my shirts. I see in my phone I have yet another new text mocking me for a haircut. Truepeople search, lo and behold it’s the person she’s with, who she just gave my phone number to. She follows me again when I go back inside, at which point I speak to a police officer outside, tell him the situation, he seems supportive and removes them to speak with them outside. I finally think it’s over, whatever. Cop comes back to tell me “I can’t solve your problems, she’s saying you’re harassing her and showing up to her home unannounced, I asked them to leave you alone.” He was a prick about it. They come back in, continue to follow me, yell shit about me right behind me, and bring a big group of friends to do the same. While she constantly checks to see if I’m nearby because every time I moved, she’d follow.
I asked after the bar closed for the both of them to please leave me alone, politely, over text and one phone call that I was entirely civil during, once again get shit on. Bartender who I’m friends with told me he intended on kicking them out but was swamped, which he was, and they were in and out too much focused on following me anywhere I went in the bar.
Several people asked me if I was okay who were witnessing the whole thing all night.
With all of this, do I have the necessary evidence to have a protective order served against her?

So I'm not sure how to even go about telling this tale. It's something I've never even tried to do, not from the beginning, at least. I guess we'll start with how I first fell in love. I was young. 18. I'd never had a boyfriend, never had a boy look twice at me, at least to my knowledge. So my first love became the boy I was around so often. My brother's best friend at the time. Sick, I know. He was the first boy to ever show me affection. The first guy that ever made me feel sexy and beautiful. I fell slowly bit by agonizing bit. He held back for the longest time for a noble reason, I thought. He cared for me, but he and my brother were so close. I went down the route of okay, well, then let's just have sex. Nothing more. I was 18 and still a virgin. He would say things like, "I can't do that. I can't use you. I'd break you anyways you couldn't handle it." Funny, looking back, it was all its own little lore. Long story short, we finally had sex. Life moved forward, and I fell in love, and I thought maybe he was too. I was wrong. If you hadn't already guessed. I became a toy, for I'd say a year, maybe 2. Every day, I begged and asked, "Can't we just be together? You care about me. You say you do. So let's just be together. Let's tell everyone, " And each day I was met with a fight. "We're not together. We never will be!" Time went by, and this fight became the norm. And fights about me talking to other guys' fights about me not coming around when he wanted. I never got to come when I wanted. I only came when called. Like a dog. Again, time passed. The cycle continued. Drugs got involved, which only made things worse. I felt neglected. I talked to people everyone told me to move on. So I did every so slightly. I fucked my other brothers best friend. Great sister here. Trust me, I know. Of Crouse, the first guy found out, and things got crazy. he threatened me. I got scared and called my sister in law aka my very best friend. She saved me that night. And for my best guess, about 4 years, we never spoke he left me be. He moved on. after making my life mental torture for 2 years, it was like I disappeared. Which was fine, really better than you'd ever expect. my sister in law threatened him, of course, so maybe that had something to do with it, and he was intensely afraid of my brothers. And so again, time passed, and I dated other people. Nothing ever worked out. All of them as painful as last and just as filled with bad choices. All until one summer, he came back. Last summer, I was beginning again. Like I've done so many times. I was back at my first job again looking for a fresh start from the beginning. That's when I heard from him for the first time in a long time. My brother and he had stopped being friends maybe a year before. My brother called him manipulative and a dick to say the least. But when he contacted me, I felt things had changed. That he had finally changed and for the better. the fact he was contacting me again wanting me back, I thought it was fate. I'd be with my first love, the man who took everything from me, we'd get married and be together. The whole time yard's. Fucking stupid that's what I was. What I am.. We fell back together slowly but surly. I fell in love, and he got control. The summer passed in a wave of drugs. He never told me he loved me he never put forth any effort to be near my family. All he wanted was control over me. He shrunk away at the idea of coming to my home being near my brother he ex best friend and my roommate. Time passed, and I realized I wasn't much more than a bank for him. I'd forgotten to mention in the time we spent apart he hadn't worked for 4 years. His mom took care of it all. I did everything I could. I was there all the time I made food, I cleaned the house, and I kept his dog fed. I tried to show him everything. It never mattered. The only thing that mattered was how I "cheated" on him all those years ago. I had never thought of it as cheating seeing as he said we weren't together and loved to talk about how hot other girls were. He would bring up past relationships while he and I weren't together like I got with these people just to antagonize him. So as summer went on, I got exhausted. So fucking exhausted how do you show someone you love them when all they see are the faults? He well really I can't just blame him, but we drained my bank account buying drugs. I got tired of it, and I left. I told him to leave me, be that I was done being used. This was around Thanksgiving. He didn't take it well. I blocked him after about the 30th message. That didn't stop him he messaged through friends Facebook or with their phone numbers. I blocked so many people. But it didn't stop the messages kept coming. And so by Christmas, I caved. Don't know why he'd admitted to coming out and driving by my house told me how he could see my Christmas tree in my window. And still I caved. Because who would do this for someone they didn't love? Who would keep trying for someone they wanted to treat badly? I got my answer. I went back only to be accused of cheating and lying. He'd call me a bitch and whore and a cunt. He'd done all this in the messages, too, before the begging started. I should've listened and not fallen for the begging. But he'd tell me all I wanted to hear how he loved me and wanted to be with me wanted my kids. So I fell for this over and over and over again. Until not long ago just a few months I tried to leave, and we got into a fight. I wanted to go with him to ride with his friends. He didn't want me to. Would've been fine with that honestly but as soon as he saw I was disappointed the fight started. I tried to leave his home. we yelled his neighbors threatened to call the police. I ran he hit my car tried to yank the doors open. Once I finally thought I'd gotten away he started chasing me. Chased me down his road at probably 70 in a 45 mind you and swerved in front of me almost wrecking us both. He proceeded to get out of the car ignoring me sobbing and started screaming at me through the window and asking me to come back. Once I agreed he proceeded to do burnouts in front of me. I followed him back he took me riding with his friends I got what I wanted in the end I guess. But after this I got scared. If you can do that what else can you do? I left again not long later because it just didn't seem to matter what I did. nothing was enough. I left I blocked him. It wasn't enough he found ways to contact me. And today he contacted family of mine to get ahold of me. He waited out near my house by a restaurant and followed me home. I ran I didn't know what to do I didn't want him and my brother to get into a fight because no matter what, I still somehow care about him. He stopped me in the middle of the road wouldn't leave until I agreed to unblock him and to give him a hug. I feel disgusting he kissed me. I want him to leave me alone. I know this is my fault I led him on again and again by coming back. I just wanted him to change. I wanted him to love me. I just wasn't enough and I won't be ever. Why won't he just let me go? He could move on and find someone new to use. I know I have a problem too I've gone back again and again and made it normal for him. I just want to be free now though this has gone on so long. I know he doesn't love me I just don't know how he can say it when he doesn't. I'm not sure what I'm really asking for here maybe validation or maybe just encouragement that I'm doing the right thing. I coukd go into more detail really he's done so much to me but it's hard looking back. I just I really need to know that me leaving is the right thing.

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/OddDot5178 in AITAH
trigger warnings: possible transphobia, possible mental health issues, manipulation
​
NOTE: Because everyone will wonder, I am addressing this right now. While OOP's child identifies as non-binary, she uses "she/her" pronouns and presents as a female. This is why OOP refers to her as her daughter.

AITAH For Not Wanting To Raise My NB Daughter's Baby? - Feb 7, 2024
My daughter came to me at 16 and said she was non-binary, but only sometimes. Like, some days she would feel more male than female and some days she would feel like neither. She wanted me to ask her every day what day it was and then refer to her as that pronoun of the day.
I told her that wasn’t going to fly. Growing up, I spent a lot of time on LJ (Livejournal) during the ol’ ‘bun-self’ and ‘zen-self’ ‘zir-self’ days. People who think this is new to this generation are fooling themselves. I told her that I would call her the pronoun she wanted, and do my best to remember it day to day, but she was going to have to tell me what she wanted for that day. I wasn’t going to play a daily guessing game.
This went on for about a week or two until she finally seemed to grow tired or bored and just said I could call her ‘her’. Though she still identifies as non-binary. Fine. (At least when it was going on she wanted ‘she, he, or they’ — I’m sorry but I couldn’t have done fox-self/fox-them with a straight face).
So that’s the pronoun story and looking back where I think things started to go off the handle. Here’s my real question.
My daughter is now 18, pregnant, and seems to have lost her god damned mind. Or I’m an asshole. You choose.
This year has been a struggle. She wanted to take a break year before she goes to community college, but can’t keep a job. Apparently, retail situations are too phobic against her non-binary state. (My child looks/acts/dresses exactly as a young adult female btw. When I ask how people are being phobic against her, she gets as prickly as a cactus so I really don’t know the details.). She’s been through 4 or 5 jobs this year, quit all of them. She won’t consider call centers that aren’t face to face because she doesn’t like to talk on phones, and is apparently looking for a remote job without any luck.
She’s been unemployed since Thanksgiving (she quit her last job on Black Friday, in fact) and I was on the verge of laying down the law, telling her she either needs to go to school this upcoming semester full time or get a full time job or move out with her friends.
But now she’s come to me and she’s 5 months pregnant. She’s very angry at me, says it’s my fault because:

• I didn’t put her on puberty-blocking hormones when she came to me 2 years ago.
• She believes I am in fact trying to ‘feminize her’ by getting her birth control. (The pill.). She’s been throwing her prescription away.

This is where I might be the asshole. I called her a little idiot. We don’t use that sort of language in my house, and I never call people names — especially my own child — but at that moment I could just see red.
The hormone thing is a non-issue IMO because this is the first time I ever heard of her wanting hormones. What was I supposed to do? Go back in time?
As for the birth control! It’s also the first time I’m hearing anything about this! There are non-pill options that don’t have estrogen. If that was her want, all she had to do was ask and I would have driven her to the doctor myself! Or she could have taken the car she has and done it. She has her own medical card, even! Though to be fair, I don’t know how she would have managed the co-pay without a job. I know for a fact her old high school gave out free condoms like candy because her friends were always giggling over flavored sample packs and even blew a few of them up like balloons and left them around the house one time. She had all the birth control she could ever want and used none of it.
It gets worse.
We’re way past the date of abortion (again, I would have helped her if this had been her wish! We live in an abortion protected state and can afford it!). She’s known she was pregnant since about 2 months and has come to think of her baby like a sibling. She expects me to raise it like it was mine. That this is my duty, in fact, because she says it is my refusal to accept her non-binary state that led to her being pregnant. So she was going to get a brother or sister and I was going to have another child.
You can say my language grew … sterner to versions of ‘Get your head out of your ass’ and ‘Congratulations, mommy, you have some hard decisions to make’, and I said I would absolutely not raise her baby for her.
She also refused to say who the father was. Now that I’ve cooled down, I’m really hoping she has a secret boyfriend. She does have some friends who were born male, but now also don’t identify that way. We didn’t even get there as I lost my mind when she said she thinks of her own baby as a sibling and wants me to raise it like my own child.
She’s locked herself in her room loudly wailing, I feel like crap warmed over. She’s been in there for 12 hours, and as she has an attached bathroom, probably won’t be coming out until she gets hungry. Considering it’s been half a day I think she has snacks stored.
I also don’t know where to go from here. Being pregnant sucks and messes with your head, so I’d like to blame that and the fear she must be feeling, but … I have the bad feeling I either raised a spoiled brat or someone with an emerging personality disorder.
So I need to know from people who aren’t emotionally involved, and maybe some people who are more in tune with this whole nonbinary thing than I am.
What do I do to help while also making her responsible for her own child? How can I help my daughter accept she must do basically the most feminine thing you can do (give birth and possibly breast-feed) while being sensitive that she’s non-binary? Am I just a big asshole here?
Typing all this out it feels like my daughter is lost in crazy town. I'm still not raising her baby but at what point do I drag a legal adult to the hospital?
Edit: You might disagree with my choices or wording, but I'm reporting people who call this bait. It's not.
Edit2: It's the middle of the night and she has decided to pack some of her clothes and stay with one of her friends. (One who I suspect is the baby daddy). Before she left she told me that she already called the police and let them know that she was 'leaving of her own free will and was not in danger'. Like I was going to report an 18 year old adult as a runaway or something? It was insulting.
I told her she needs to work out details if she wants to adopt with the father, and she was welcome back home when she had a plan in place.
It was short because I heard her on the way out. I think she just meant to leave without saying anything.
Thank you for your kind comments and advice, Reddit. I'm going to sleep.
Commenters agreed that OOP's child wasn't thinking straight:
Comment 1:
NTA.
I hate to say this, but; I sincerely hope OP's daughter chooses to give up this baby for adoption, because she's a confused hot ass mess. I don't blame OP for not wanting to step on the crazy train and raise this baby.
Comment 2:
Let’s be honest: If OP says yes to raising this child as her own, it will be the first of several. Daughter won’t take BC, so she will continue to have unprotected sex and get pregnant. She decided a couple years ago that she’s NB, expected her mother to understand that and know everything about it, and is now rewriting history to blame her mom for her now being pregnant. My head is swimming, and she’s not my daughter! There will be more babies.
Comment 3:
NB here OP.
You are SO NTA. I feel sympathy for your kid because they sound like they are so confused, maybe have body dysphoria and are now facing a life altering situation with no way out. They must feel so trapped. So they turn on you. It's easier for them to yell at and blame you instead of accepting responsibility. They are looking for a way out. We all keep changing and growing and your kid is SO young they seem to not know who they are yet and now they have to face looking after a baby when they know deep down they can't even really take care of themselves.
But my GOD the thing they did that was really stupid was chucking BC away. That is actually wild. Your kid needs to learn the difference between gender enforced stereotypes and actual biology. With biology it unfortunately doesn't matter what gender you are, the biology doesn't care, it still works the same. They NEED to learn that and differentiate.
Like I said, NTA OP. What a shit situation. I hope it gets better. I really do.
Comment 4:
NTA, your child is in fact a little idiot, with behavior that would be an absolute nightmare had you not been their parent. Also birth control isn’t a form of feminization, it’s a form of responsibility when you’re born in a body with a uterus and want to have sex that can result in pregnancy.
OOP's response:
Ugh, I wish I had those words when she hit me with that one. I sort of sputtered for a few minutes.
Comment 5:
Oh man, this is a can of worms within itself.
I wish I had better advice but just...I feel for you and the position you are stuck in.
The ONLY thing I can think of is, referring to breast feeding as "chest feeding" might make your NB daughter accept it more.
But like...there's a whole other level of things you need to get through first.
First and foremost, therapy, ASAP for your kid. Because she needs to get her head sorted out. Assuming you will just take this kid and raise it for her is...problematic to say the least. And she's got a deadline coming obviously, so therapy ASAP.
Also appointment for pregnancy checkups asap!! Has she had any? An unmonitored pregnancy can lead to complications
You might also be able to get her a social worker to go through pregnancy checkups, birthing extra.
Your kid needs a big sit down conversation about accountability for your own actions. And about how she might feel like part of YOUR actions lead to this, there was also many many choices she could have made to prevent this, that she chose not too. And at the end of the day, it was HER choices that led to this, not you.
OOP's response:
Thanks for this tip. I've written it down. The reason I mentioned she was NB because using 'breast' instead of 'chest' is the exact type of thing to send her into a pissy-fit when she's in the wrong mood. I know this may sound like a little thing, but she's always been... well, dramatic.
Because it's the internet and things are anonymous I'll admit that I am absolutely dreading pregnancy and afterbirth mood swings. Especially since it will all involve very womanly things in every intimate way. On top of the sheer stress of a newborn? Yes, I'm not looking forward to it at all and am already preparing to endure the storms.
Our conversation wasn't productive (it was an argument and she's still not out of her room) but I don't think she has had any prenatal care. That will change if I have anything to do with it.
Thanks again.
OOP commented with some of her concerns:
Yes. My worry and regret have so many places to go and a big part of it is for the baby.
This has been a bad day. :(
Responding to a comment regarding her child's entitled attitude:
Oh believe you me I have been kicking myself up and down on top of everything else. I don't know how she got to this point, but she's there now.
I wish I did have that time travel machine she clearly expects me to have.
She also clarified her overall views on the matter:
I'm on the fence. If she acted at all like she didn't have a gender (I believe that's what NB is) then I could take it more seriously. But she dresses as a woman. She puts on makeup, wears dresses during the summer, enjoys feminine things? We watch horse videos on youtube and squeal over the new foal videos. She's never been a tom boy, even.
But I was like, okay this isn't hurting her. I'll let her have this and express herself. Maybe it'll turn into something, maybe it won't. And after the first few weeks, she even dropped changing pronouns every day.
Her mentioning being NB faded and then started up hard again when high school ended and she started working retail.
I try to be understanding. Retail is hell and I'd personally only work it again if I was at my last resort. But recently it does seem to be an excuse not to work. And now she has a baby on the way.
This may not be the place for it, but I'm just worried she's regressing to a more child-like state. I don't know if she's struggling with being NB or if she's using NB as an excuse to shield herself from the world. Ugh. I guess the internet won't know, but I'm just flat out worried.
​
AITAH has no consensus bot but the comments were largely NTA.
​
Update: My NB Daughter Wants Me To Raise Her Baby - Feb 17, 2024
Hi,
This is an update to this post (Long story short my 18 year old NB daughter wanted me to raise her baby, and she told me she thinks the baby as her sibling. We had a blow-out, she locked herself in her room for most of a day, and then took off with her friends/her lover)
So this happened a few days ago but I didn’t update because I needed to get my head around it. It still doesn’t make sense.
Daughter finally unblocked me. She and the person who got her pregnant wanted to talk to me at a public place. We chose iHop.
Although I suspected I knew who her lover was, I was disappointed to find out because they have been a part of my daughter’s friend group since high school and was the only one I ever had a problem with and kicked out of my house.
They are trans now but two years ago the friend group was watching a movie in the living room, and every time I’d pass by, he (he was a he then) would lock eyes with me and make really obnoxious, loud, orgasm sounds like that scene in Harry Met Sally. I told him to knock it off and grew sterner when he did it again.
Then when I was in the kitchen, he somehow snuck up behind me and was miming jack-off movements with his hand. I turned around and caught him at it. He was still fully clothed, but it was startling and freaky. I kicked him out.
So now I’ll just call them Sperm-donor because that’s what they are.
I’m still calling my daughter ‘my daughter’ and ‘she’ because I still haven’t been told not to by her otherwise. So get off my case on that.
Anyway, the iHop meeting was a shit-show. Sperm-donor sat with my daughter and went on the attack. Sperm-donor’s points were:

• I was poisoning my daughter by “making” her take birth control. (I only helped her get the prescription and would have done everything I could if I knew she didn’t want to take the pill. There are other methods!)
• It will take years to “fix” my daughter after all I did. (Not giving her hormones even though I had no idea that was what she wanted. She dropped even wanting to change her pronouns after a few weeks.)
• Abortion is a sin and I am a monster for suggesting it. (It’s past the date anyway.)
• I am further abusing her by not taking care of the baby while she fixes herself. (I guess they meant it as a temp situation which was also new to me.)

So apparently even though I’m an abusive monster, a bad mother, and so on, I’m even worse for not taking in their baby. At least no one suggested that I raise it like my daughter’s sister anymore. That might have been my daughter’s thought on it.
Sperm-donor did most of the talking while my daughter just sat and glared at me, nodding along.
It was kind of a whirlwind, Sperm-donor pounded the table a few times, and even the waiter knew not to bother us after drinks, lol. I’m surprised we weren’t asked to leave.
There was a lot said, mostly by the sperm-donor who really seemed to be steering the ship. I asked why sperm-donor couldn’t take care of the baby and sperm-donor said their parents were even worse than me. I guess my daughter and sperm-donor taking care of the child they created is out of the question.
I told them that I would not be raising their baby for them and that adoption is the best bet. They said that if I don’t agree to raise it, they’ll make sure I’ll never see the baby ever.
I won’t raise their child for them. So that’s that, I guess.
I feel so many flavors of worried and angry and then worried all over again. I’ve been around the block and it’s never a great sign when the person you’re with makes an enemy of your family. That’s what sperm-donor has done by painting me as an abuser and failed mother who also won’t take in their baby. Sounds like sperm-donor has cut themselves off from their own family too. So I’m worried my daughter is in a very controlling relationship with someone who convinced her to stop birth control because they think hormones are too feminizing somehow and that she needs to be “fixed”. But they still want me to raise their baby.
I’m angry that my daughter can just hear this crap and nod along like, yeah, that makes total sense. She is not stupid. I think she’s love blinded.
I’m sad and worried for the baby. A couple commenters suggested I wanted nothing to do with the baby because I wouldn’t agree to raise it as my own. No, in a perfect world, I would want a normal grandmotherly relationship. Or at least know that the child is safe and has been adopted into a loving family.
I don’t care what my daughter does with her gender, or her body as long as she doesn’t hurt herself. I want her to be in a happy relationship with someone who values her for who she is. Sperm-donor kept using the word ‘fix’ which I see as another terrible sign.
It’s bad all around. My house is empty. It feels like my adult daughter has run off to join up with some weird church/cult thing who tells her that up is down. That not using birth control and not getting an abortion and then expecting others to take care of the child is all a-okay. Oh and that she’s a problem and needs to be “fixed”.
I texted her and said I would be there for her, but sperm-donor was still not welcome in the house. I think I’m blocked again.
She’s a legal adult. I’m not sure what else I can do at this point? In my low points, part of me thinks maybe I should agree to take the baby and then immediately make sure it’s adopted into a loving home. But I get the feeling that sperm-donor won’t make that easy, and right now my daughter does what he says. Also I’m not sure if that plan is even possible. It sounds Hollywood.
I have an appointment to speak with a councilor, but the soonest I could get is April. Some of my friends think I should take the baby in either to get them away from the parents or because they think it’s my duty, or both.
The only silver lining in this was that they both seemed sober. I don’t think there’s drugs involved.
Am I reading this wrong? Am I the asshole here?
Commenters agreed that sperm donor's comments made no sense, and that OOP's child was probably stuck in an abusive relationship:
Comment 1:
For your safety, I would change the locks and put up camera, Sperm-donor seems unhinged. I’m a firm believer in better safe than sorry.
Comment 2:
This baby will be used as a pawn in his never ending psycho drama. If they do not and cannot raise their baby, the best solution is adoption. Otherwise, the father will make your life a living hell.
NTA
OOP's response:
I couldn't figure out a polite way of saying this, but yes. That is my suspicion if I take in their baby. Sperm-donor implied it would be temporary while earlier my daughter said it would be permanent. I think sperm-donor will refuse to sign over paperwork when the time comes or try to leverage it in some way.
Comment 3:
NTA also it sounds like your daughter is in an abusive relationship with this person. Sorry your daughter has been brain washed by this crazy person. I would definitely contact this sperm donors family and if they seem sane warn them about how crazy both of spoke to you.
OOP's response:
That is my fear, and not a bad idea to contact sperm-donor's parents. This has all happened so far, I feel like I'm in shock and I'm very worried.
Comment 4:
Pretty wild that a trans person is saying abortion is a sin. None of this is anything like what you're going to hear from any healthy LGBT community, who are quite careful to make sure not to support people in delusional or antisocial behavior. Definitely get therapy, sounds like your kid has some serious mental health problems if they're being influenced by whatever wackos put these ideas into their head. You're going to need support in coping with this madness. NTA by a country mile. You are in no way "abusing" your kid by refusing to take responsibility for their bad choices.
OOP's response:
Thank you and yes, I don't want to minimize my daughter's role in it but the hard anti-abortion thing surprised me too. A lot of what they said contradicted itself. It felt like I was sitting across from two people who were in their own wacko bubble.
I know it's not a LGBT thing. I wish someone from their community would knock some sense into them, if its even possible at this point.
​
OOP hasn't posted since the last update.
Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.

TW for s/h mentions, self end mentions, and abuse mentions
Obligatory clarification that this was a few months ago, I just regularly feel guilty about it and wanted to see if I'm right in feeling that guilt. Also, apologies in advance since I think this is going to be a long post.
I(20ftm) was abused in multiple ways by my stepfather(46m). I filed a case against him two years ago, which finally got picked up after my younger sister(16f) ran away from the house. During these two years, no one in the family talked to me, as he convinced everyone that I was a liar, a manipulator, and was doing everything as an act of revenge on him for "treating me with the respect I deserved". He was sentenced last October to 15 years in prison, and then they began to investigate my mother(38f) because she knew about the physical/verbal/mental abuse of all of us kids(there were five of us, ages will be given as children are mentioned), and about the s/xual abuse toward me. I live out in Arizona, however when my mother lost custody of our siblings, my older sister(25f), who well call Molly, reached out to me asking if I would be willing to come back up to Ohio, my home state, to help her take temporary custody of the children. The plan was that I would come back up to Ohio, live with my old roommates, get a job, and watch the children in the morning to get them on the bus and afternoon until Molly got home from work. This was something that was agreed upon by everyone, and it was decided that due to a job opportunity I would be going back to Arizona in three months. I immediately explained to everyone involved that I would not flake out on these plans unless my mental health got to a point where I was actively considering self ending. Molly requested that she get "some sort of notice" before something like that we're to happen, and I told her that the best I could do was actively pointing out signs of mental health decline as they happened so she would know where I was in my headspace, to which she agreed.
Fast forward to the day I'm to fly up, and I get a call from Molly. She explains that our grandmother is giving her her old house in exchange for the childcare until my mother got out of jail should the worst case scenario happen, and she wanted to know if I could live in full time with her. In exchange she would pay my way through driving school and get me a car off Facebook marketplace, which would roughly equal out to three months of paid labor. She explained that I wouldn't have to do any chores(though it would be nice) and she would support me financially so that I didn't need to get a job(though I also could if I wanted to) and I could put my full time and care toward the children. This seemed like a fair deal to me, so I agreed. We talked about a few other minor details, such as my room(I wouldn't have one, and would be sleeping in the corner of the living room) and food(I requested that she get healthy food because eating excessive amounts of junk food triggers my ED, which she agreed to but more on that later).
I fly up and reconnect with all of my siblings(I hadn't talked to any of them in person since the incident two years ago), and talk with a close friend of mine, who I'll call Buddy. Buddy expressed that he didn't think that me moving in full time with Molly was a good idea, and tried to imply that she might try and take advantage of me while I was there and overstep boundaries. I told him that I trusted her not to do so, and she and I had agreed that I would be spending weekends with him at his place to decompress and regularly assess my mental health. This was almost immediately backtracked by Molly, saying she didn't expect me to actually take the whole weekend and she requested Saturdays to be her "day off", which I agreed to. About a week and a half after I arrived and was settled in, we started having violence issues with the youngest(10m), and they were mostly directed toward me. We assumed that this was because my stepfather had fed the kids a story about how I had left because I didn't care about them, and he was too young to understand the truth of the situation. Molly was very attentive to my needs at first, making sure to buy fruits and vegetables as well as having the children upstairs by 9 pm so that I could have some private time to relax each night. All was good other than the violent outbursts from the youngest(who I'll nickname Chris).
After about a month, we had to give Chris to an aunt due to the violent outbursts becoming more frequent and the police having to be called several times just to get him to stop attacking me. I explained to Molly that it was affecting me pretty badly, and she and I sat down and talked it out, deciding I wasn't at a point that I needed to leave yet, however if we kept him I would be. So we let Chris go up to my aunts, who we'll call Aunt Hayley. After that things calmed down in the household, with there only being two major fights between the remaining three children. During this time, Molly began to talk about how stressed she was about finances, as well as she signed up for a college course and got a boyfriend. I didn't see this as a big deal at the time, but it compiled with everything else. Molly began coming home at 6-7 and immediately going to her room, and I would end up keeping watch of the children for the remainder of the night. This didn't bother me too much at the time, as I saw it as helping her, however I could. Before this, she and I had pretty evenly split chores, with both of us doing dishes, laundry, and trash periodically. Once she began this college course, I took up the entirety of the dishes, laundry for all of the children, and majority of trash. Molly tended to her room and mandated when the children cleaned their rooms and their upstairs bathroom, but other than that was in her room either doing classwork or hanging out with her boyfriend. During this time she also stopped getting the healthier foods, despite me helping with grocery lists and requesting healthier foods, opting instead for snacks or frozen foods such as pizzas, hot pockets, bagel bites, etc. This upset me seeing as I had already explained to her my issues with said foods, but I didn't feel I had a right to make comment seeing as she was still financially supporting me.
During this time, my no contact order with my mother was lifted, and I agreed to speak with her again, seeing as she had eventually denounced her borderline worship of my stepfather and told the police everything, and was now in therapy and parenting classes. To be clear, from the moment I had arrived in Ohio, I had wanted nothing to do with her, and the only reason I had agreed to talk to her was to give her one last opportunity to man up and explain everything properly. She did, and as I had suspected, he had been severely abusing her in every way as well. I still didn't trust her, but I decided to give her a second chance at a relationship on the condition that she not bring any more men into my siblings lives until they were all 18 or older(which she agreed to). I began to visit her semi-regularly, and Molly and I agreed that I would go to her house Saturday nights for dinner, seeing as I was already going to Buddy's around 7 pm Saturday nights anyway, which meant it wouldn't really change any of Molly's plans. At this time I began having a friend over, who we'll call Max. Max is a close friend of mine since middle school, and Molly approved him to be around any time, however I only really had him around on Tuesdays due to his work schedule. As soon as Max met Molly, he said he didn't really like the way she talked to me, and when I didn't understand(I have autism) he explained that a lot of how she speaks to me sounds like she's talking down to/making fun of me, and that when I say something she doesn't seem to take me seriously. I brushed this off, thinking that it was just him not being used to her somewhat abrasive personality.
Molly continued to complain about finances, and I continued searching for a job as I had been since I got there, and then came the first weird incident during this. One day Molly said that our mother had offered her a motorcycle, but that she had a feeling that she wouldn't actually give it to her, and so she was going to go buy her own. I didn't mention how counter intuitive this was to her finance problem, though I should have in hindsight. She also went out that weekend to get her nails and hair professionally done(which she had told me at one point all together was around $200), as well as I believe the next weekend to get a $180 tattoo shaded. Seeing as Molly had gone out and bought a motorcycle, my mother instead offered me the bike, which I accepted. Molly then began making comments about how she knew my mother was going to give me the bike, and that was why she had gone out and gotten her own(despite the fact that I had asked for the bike before I knew it was supposed to be given to Molly, and was told only if she didn't want it because she got first dibs).
During the last month, my mental health began to hit the decline I had warned Molly about. I informed her of when it became hard to get out of bed, when I was having guilt or s/h urges, and then eventually I reached a point where I requested she take back up at least some responsibility of dishes and laundry because my mental health couldn't handle it. She got somewhat indignant about this, saying that because I was living there rent free I should be doing the majority of the chores. By this time, I had very much seen what Max had been saying about her talking down to me, however I wasn't in the mental state to go against her, so I just reiterated that I really wasn't doing well. She said that her classwork, job, and social life wouldn't allow her to have time for it, and since I had none of those I didn't have any reason to feel the way I was. At this point, Buddy and my two old roommates(who we'll call Rat and Iroh) started insisting that I should go back to the original plan and only go down in mornings and until she got home from work, however I felt obligated to help her so I stayed. They repeatedly reminded me that she still hadn't followed through on any of her promises regarding driving school, car, or respecting my triggers. I continued to stay, partially to help her and partially because I knew at this point that it would backfire on the children as well if I left.
Two weeks before I was supposed to leave, Molly pulled me aside and told me that due to financial concerns, she would be letting the children go to a foster home in two weeks, once I left. This confused me seeing as a) I hadn't been bringing in any financials, and b) she insisted on keeping the 16 year old(who I'll call Fiona) but refused to keep the other two, because (in her own words) "Fiona is the easiest to handle". I felt as if I was to blame for this because the way Molly had presented it to me made it seem like the only reason she was letting the children go was because I was leaving, and a few days earlier she had been trying to push "if you could only stay another month". This plummeted my mental health, and about a week later(a week before my stay was supposed to end) I hit the point of actively wanting to self end. I informed her of this, and she got cold with me, saying she wished I had told her sooner. I reminded her that I had vocalized every step for things going down hill, and she insisted that it wasnt enough and I should have given her more notice, as well as claiming she could have done this whole thing without me and that I was more trouble than I was worth at points. She then started saying that I had only come back to get close to our mother and that I didn't actually care about her or the children(as I said, I hated my mother when I arrived). I told her that I would stay till that Friday night as it was Thursday and I didn't want to force her to try to find last minute childcare so late at night. At some point in this conversation we got a call from the middle(14nb, whom we'll call Sora) child's school saying that Sora had assaulted another student. This student had been making fun of Sora for months, claiming that they deserved the abuse they went through and that she hoped my stepfather got out of jail so that he could hurt Sora worse. I requested Molly not be too intense on the punishment, seeing as this had been an ongoing issue that had been brought to both the principal and Molly's attention, and been brushed off by both. Molly started beating me about how disgusting it was that I was condoning violence, and I clarified that while I didn't condone it, this situation had been hard enough on Sora. At this point in time, I had had enough and told her that if she didn't want my input and wanted to belittle me and "put me in my place", then she could put her money where her mouth was about being able to do this without me and I would leave that night. She said fine, but that she knew I wasn't actually wanting to end myself and was just using it as a convenient out of the situation. I began to pack. As soon as she got home she said that I had been taking her tone wrong, and that she hadn't meant to attack me. She then started saying that I wasn't screwing her over in this, I was screwing the children over. This was while the children were out of the house, and I did raise my voice, telling her that I wasn't trying to screw anyone over, I was following exactly the boundaries I had set, as I should have from the beginning. Buddy came and picked me up, and I went and spent the night with my mother.
The next day I was informed that Molly had told our caseworker that I had bailed, and that the children were to be picked up the next day(all except Fiona, who would stay in Molly's care and eventually the possibility of Molly adopting her was discussed). That Friday was the court case which was to decide what was to happen with my mother. Molly had expressed throughout this entire process that she didn't want my mother to go to jail, and that she would do almost anything to keep her out. The prosecutors had also expressed that they didn't want her to get a full 3 year sentence. During the court proceedings, Molly was the only one in the room requesting the maximum sentence for my mother, and during her speech was consistently deadnaming and misgendering me, which no one else in the court room was doing. My mother walked out with a 60 day sentence, which wasn't terrible, but the damage was done to mine and Molly's relationship, seeing as it was already strained before I found out she had been lying to me for months about her stances on this. She and I had had several conversations about this, while I hated my mother and whole I was healing my relationship with her, and her stance of wanting her to stay out of jail had never wavered. I unfollowed her on most medias, but kept her unblocked on everything. Three days before I was supposed to leave, I realized that my leather jacket and my keys to my boyfriend's collar were still at her house, and I tried to contact her to ask for them back. I texted her twice, neither of which she responded to, and then Buddy called her. She claimed she hadn't seen them, but refused to let us come over to look for them, despite the fact that the last time I had seen either one was in the house because I had been too depressed to leave the house. She continuously refused to let me come check, or even let someone else come check, claiming that she didn't trust me to put things back the way they were, despite me never showing any inclination of touching anything that wasn't mine. I went to text her again on the matter and found that she had blocked me on all platforms. Shortly after this Fiona would start claiming the same things about me not actually wanting to end myself and just using it as an excuse, showing that she had been talking to Molly about this, and her views on pretty much everything shifted to Molly's views. This caused a rift to the point that while I have strong contact with my other siblings, I don't have much contact with Fiona.
I feel as though it was wrong to leave the children in the situation they were in, and I desperately wish I could have done more to help, but I knew that once I hit that mental state I was no longer safe to be around them and only ran the risk of traumatizing them further if I had stayed.

Throwaway because I only lurk on reddit. I'm 27, the girl was 24. Dated for 2 months.
Like I don't know where to even begin. I even have no idea why am I writing this but I just feel so ultimately broken that it hurts in a way that I thought is impossible. I feel so empty, like I wanna cry and scream but there are no tears and there is just silence and me staring at the wall and having thousands of thoughts at once and I'm not sure what to do about it.
I started dating this cutest girl on March and everything was as smooth as a butter. We met on an app. I knew she has attatchment issues and etc but I was patient and honest and wanted to wait with physical stuff because she mentioned its important for her to feel comfortable and stuff and I was very understanding as always and thought that I finally found someone who has the same approach to relationship and wants to build something on honesty and go with the flow, don't force anything and so on. I did not want to rush anything and we were going at our own steady pace. I never want to do any physical stuff very early on in the relationship, we only did some light stuff, like kissing, touching each other above the waist and such. Very "polite". We both communicated our goals, relationship-wise and such. We both wanted the same thing, a life partner. We both said we are monogamous and we just need one person and no one else and everything was peachy.
So we always were on good terms in person but texting was a bit of a struggle, we usually had fights (like twice) on texting apps (never in person though). Time spent IRL though was like the best time possible for both of us and we were super comfy with each other like I never felt before actually.
Now, there was a time (like 2 weeks) when we didn't see each other at all. During that time we had one of those fights she gave me silent treatment for like 3 days. Now I think this is passive aggressive manipulation technique which is a deal breaker to me. But I thought "damn this girl is really cool besides that little issue, I'll give her a chance, maybe she's just stressed out or something". It went on for like 3-4 days and we started talking again and it was good.
The fight was about something we were supposed to talk about IRL (and I panicked because it sounded very serious) but then she mentioned it was just that she won't be able to spend a day with me in next month (a specific, special day that we were supposed to spend with each other). Not a big deal and I was suspicious that this was the thing she wanted to talk in person. She mentioned "I have no idea what is your approach to these things" when I asked what she wanted to talk about in person (before we had fight) and it keeps ringing a bell now - I'll explain later. We met up later after making up and, we have good time, everything felt right, idk. The fight was caused by me because apparently I "freaked out" (because I've never heard good news in my life when I've heard "we have to talk" from someone I'm dating).
I won't mention that she was talking like relationship is a huge step and she isnt sure about it and she wants to go at her own pace and things like that. I was okay with that, I was affectionate and she was usually cold towards that saying that she doesnt want to get attatched and similar things and at the same time talking dirty to me sometimes. I also should mention that she has a ton of guy friends.
Then we had another fight about some stupid thing like before too. Like basically meaningless stuff that did not matter at all. It ended with her not messaging me for 6 days straight and I just got tired and deleted her everywhere besides one app because if she acts like a child so be it. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Like 1-2 hours after I have done that she messages me like nothing happens. I am 100% sure its not a coincidence and she only messaged me because she noticed that. And then she mentions that I deleted her everywhere and how nice it is of me. Then I just told her that I don't see us having a future because she keeps using silent treatment which is a deal breaker to me. And she laughs at me saying that I was not on silent treatment (though we ended last convo on a fight) and I'm a clingy insecure incel or something like that. I was over it anyway since the last fight and didn't feel a thing so we just had few messages back and forth - I was trying to be as polite as possible, she was trying quite the opposite. Then she blocked me. Then she unblocked me after 20 minutes. Just to mention that now she does not regret having sex with her "situationship" 2 weeks ago.
The "situationship" is like a close guy friend that had a crush on her but she rejected him. She had multiple of those. She had more guy friends than I have lol. She had multiple of exes with which she was still very close and friendly. At the same time she says she only slept only with one guy ever (its not like it matters but Im pretty sure it was a lie now). I'm not jealous or anything. I am just scared that this is the type of girls I will be seeing now in the future. It's like 3rd time I'm seeing someone like that. I know we didn't promise each other anything but we became close and we dated exclusively and she had sex with someone (and felt guilty about it for a reason).
I was over it yesterday and didn't want to date her anyway but now it's like somebody stabbed me multiple times in my stomach and twisted the knife badly. I feel physically ill, I didn't eat since that conversation and it was like 5 hours ago. I just don't know what to do with myself. Are those girls the only girls that will date me? Can I for once be a first option for someone and not just a spare part? I'm just so sad, man, I wish someone would just hug me and tell me it's okay to cry. I feel like vomiting after finding out she was seeing me and kissing me after having sex with a guy 2 weeks before.
I just can't stand how she intentionally decided to hurt me in the worst way possible, I wish she didn't say that but at the same time I deserve the truth though. But it was said like "in your face, bitch, I had sex with someone when we were dating and that wasn't you, you loser".
"I have no idea what is your approach to these things" rings a bell now. Because she said it like 3 days after she fucked that "friend" of hers. So she felt guilty because she knew that she has done something shitty. She gave me specific date when they had sex and it all adds up. She lied to me. Multiple times apparently. She didn't know what is my approach to those things meaning she did not know how I would react to "oh i had sex with someone else". And she only informed me about it when we had a huge fight. So she never thought about me seriously and just wasted my time.
By the way - throughout those 2 months I saw multiple times her pics on dating profile change, her bio change, her location change and other details about her change in the app. Constantly. Like every 10 days or so there was a small change. It's not like I was checking it every hour but like once every 2 weeks or so just to look at her mostly lol because I really liked looking at her.
I bought flowers for this girl. I was pouring compliment after compliment until she was blushing and almost cried with happiness. I was there for her mental breakdowns and I just always provided support, I was thinking about her all the time. I fucking bought a post card for her when I had small vacations. I wrote it specifically for her putting some easter eggs inside that only we both can laugh at. I almost told her that I love her and I only said that to 2 people in my life so far. We both assured each other multiple times that we are exclusive and we both don't want to date any other person and we want to keep dating each other and progress into relationship phase. I was doing literally anything I could thought of to make her feel secure and comfortable. Meanwhile she had sex with someone and stated that she doesn’t feel any guilt about it because we weren’t in the relationship. Like what? We were already going on dates, several dates. And she stated that she did „what a good friend would do”. Like I don’t really want to date anyone after reading all of that. How shitty can one person be?
Is there a chance that I will meet a girl who won't do things like this ever? This is like second time I'm going through some kind of infidelity stuff and it's just... I'm tired boss. My last relationship ended after 2 years because my gf was unfaithful. She basically was sleeping around and sexting multiple people. I just want to find my one and only and be the romantic guy who appreciates the other person 24/7 and is caring and loving and would do literally anything for that special someone. I want to see sunsets and sunrises and look into her eyes and think that I don't want to look into any other eyes. I want to fall in love so deeply that I literally want to spend each hour with that person. I am always honest, focused 100% on only the person I'm seeing and not seeing any other people around and not caring about any other "date opportunities" or stuff like that. She made me open up about things that previously took years for me to speak about. She gave me more compliments in those 2 months than I ever heard in my whole life previously. She made me feel loved. She made me feel wonderful, blissful. And at the same time she stabbed me multiple times and I bleed it out.
Like I have all these questions:

• How am I supposed to trust someone after such a betrayal when they have been acting so perfectly good to me and were so supportive, nice and "honest" all the time besides that one time where they cheated on me?
• Am I not worthy of loving?
• Not worthy of faithfulness?
• Not worthy of a proper communication?
• Not worthy of honesty?
• Does everybody lie? Why do people do this?
• Why do I have to go through all of these experiences one after another, can't like I have a good time with someone and hear that I'm great and it's all good but the vibe isn't quite there or something like that?
• Why do I always have to be hurt in the worst way possible? I've never broken up with anyone before. I always give chances and never lose hope unless something really bad happened.
• Will it ever stop?
• Will I have to keep living and experiencing more and more painful relations until I physically cannot take it anymore?
• Why have I never felt NOT alone throughout my life?
• Why is everyone I'm dating so toxic?
• What's the deal with dating world these days? There is always another option but that doesn't mean shitty behavior is acceptable or something.
• Why is that pain more powerful each time?
• Does loyalty even exist these days?
• Why. Just why. Jesus christ.

If you will read this – I know you use reddit – I wish you to never feel the way you made me feel. I’m absolutely destroyed, you ruined me. I told you that I trust you. You destroyed it. I will always have trust issues towards any woman in my life forever until I die. I hope you’re proud of your little manipulational psychological tricks and immature behaviour. Your actions always have consequences.

I'm a 31-year-old man who has been married to a 27-year-old woman for 2 years. Six months ago, we began experiencing difficulties in our relationship which lead to divorce. She moved to her parents house. She pointed out that I lack emotional maturity, fail to take initiative without her prompting, and frequently disappoint her by not following through on promises. Additionally, she expressed concern that I rely too heavily on others and struggle to make independent decisions. In past I was not emotionally matured and didn't celebrate birthday or such events.
To address these issues, we attended family counseling sessions and were making some progress. However, during this time, she was involved in a minor accident. Initially, I stayed in touch with her through messages and calls, but when I finally visited her at her parents' home three days later, she was greatly disappointed by my tardiness.
Despite this setback, we continued to communicate, and she suggested that we live separately for three months to reassess our relationship. I agreed, but due to financial constraints, I proposed staying in our current home for a few more months has my parents went out of the country, and then finding a new place together. However, she insisted on moving to a new home only, expressing her dissatisfaction with our current house. My focus on finances upset her, leading her to cease all communication with me.
I attempted to apologize and tried reconnect by messaging her daily and even sending flowers, but she rejected my efforts. She accused me of only talking and not taking meaningful actions to address her concerns, ultimately losing trust in me and advising me to move on with my life. Despite wishing her a happy birthday and expressing a desire to meet in person (as she prefers in-person interactions), she ignored my messages and eventually blocked me on all platforms. When I reached out to her parents, they supported her decision and declined to facilitate further communication between us. Even when I asked her friend to check on her, he indicated that she's no longer interested. We meet after few days has she wanted to give my item back to me and I tried to talk to her we where there for 1 hr but she booked a cab and went back to her house. She said that there she cannot trust me or love me anymore. I sent a gift to here again but no response from her. I want to show my change to her but I don't have clue on how to show it when she is not there in my place or at least in contact with me. Later she unblocked me in whatsapp but I am not messaging her now has last time I did the same by sending long texts and was blocked. Right now I am stuck and very depressed on what to do and how to show her in actions I am changed when she is not there with me.
Although I've been working on changing myself for the sake of our relationship I am not able to show it to her, it appears that I've realized this too late and missed the opportunity to salvage it. Should I continue to pursue reconciliation, or is it time for me to accept the reality of the situation?
Feeling lost and depressed. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks for listening.