I think he is avoidant? I don't want to label but it seems pretty close to how he has been lately. He'll have periods of a week or two where he's extremely affectionate, clingy even, talking about his feelings and how much he misses and loves me, how excited he is to see me etc. Then out of nowhere he's aloof and barely reaches out, doesn't reciprocate affection, ignores my texts, doesn't tell me anything about his day or his life, and isn't really engaged when I talk about what's going on in my life. When this happens I just continue to send him a few texts like usual or send him a picture or two throughout the day but mostly I just force myself to leave him alone. It's both of our first relationship and we both have a lot to work through and long distance is hard so I'm pretty patient and I don't think he's doing it on purpose, but honestly it's been a few months of this and the weird push/pull is starting to make me freak out and second guess everything.
I found out today through a group chat with our IRL friends that he signed up to be a residential camp counselor from Jan-March 2025. We were supposed to move in together in my state at the end of January. We're pretty young and he's moving not me, so I expect the date to move around. But he didn't tell me? He didn't even tell me he was thinking about it. Or that he wanted to delay the move. That job would be a big change and would affect our relationship and it would mean we'd only be able to talk to each other on the weekends, it would suck but if we both want to stay committed then I have no concerns.
However him literally not mentioning this to me at all, coupled with him being super aloof and distant for the past week is making me freak out a little? My feelings are super hurt that I am not being kept in the loop at all. I dont feel like we are in it together right now. He is secure and confident in our relationship but he didnt even think to ask me how I felt about this or anything. I don't know what goes on in his head when he goes back and forth like this and frankly its making me feel really sad and alone and distant from him. I want to communicate this to him but im not sure how to do it without making him feel defensive.
Again I dont think its intentional. If he stonewalls me when I tell him how I feel, honestly I will consider breaking up, I'm an anxious person and I'm exhausted from doing constant shadow work and my heart can't handle constantly guessing if my boyfriend will even say he loves me back today. I respect his alone time 100% but this feels different. He loves me a lot and prior to dating we were best friends for 4 years. Im seeing a new side of him and I want to approach this stuff in a patient and non accusatory matter, really I just want to understand why he didn't let me in on these things and maybe why he's being distant. Most of the time if I had a concern he'd be pretty aloof and a little dismissive. But when those walls come down and he begins talking about his feelings, that's when we start making some progress and understanding. Any advice on how to approach this or what I can do on my side would really be appreciated.

31F. Been in a total of 3 serious relationships. First one was when I was 21 with a guy 6 years my senior. A “devout Christian” who cheated on me repeatedly, kept our entire relationship a secret, and was hooking up with his ex behind my back. The betrayal and gaslighting from that relationship messes with me to this day. My second relationship was the most serious. I moved interstate for him, we got dogs together, got engaged, wanted to start a family etc. He broke up with me suddenly because he decided I wouldn’t be a good wife and mother of our child (ouch) and ended up with one of his female coworkers. My third (and current) relationship I feel constantly on eggshells waiting for him to up and leave. He has a lot of anger issues and calls me names when he gets set off (a f*ckwit, a head case, a gronk are the most recent ones). He’s told me he can’t imagine marrying me because of how insecure I am. But despite seemingly hating me so much, he won’t leave.
I’m a victim of quite bad childhood abuse and neglect. My mother abused the hell out of me until she ended up taking her own life when I was 24. I obviously have very bad abandonment issues as a result and I believe this has a lot to do with the relationships I end up in.
I know I have my issues, but I work extremely hard to be a good woman. I’ve been to so much therapy, I’ve worked my ass off to get multiple degrees, I’m in a high position in nursing, I always try to be kind to people, I am very devoted to self-care and looking after myself. I have had periods of being single to heal and move on, and I know what I have to offer. Yet I constantly end up in these situations time and time again. Before the “you are the common denominator here” comments; anyone who is around my age and has been single knows how hard it is to find genuine, loyal people who believe in love and want to communicate and grow together. The dating pool is rough. And someone who is perfect on paper can change. People lie about who they are in the beginning and end up showing their true colours way down the track. Once you love someone, it’s very hard to let go.
I’ve been a hopeless romantic my whole life and, despite being burnt and betrayed over and over, my heart still craves love and believes in “the one”. I see everyone around me starting families and getting married and I want that so bad. I want someone to love me as hard as I love. I’m always the one who loves too much. Is it even possible to meet a man who can meet me on my level, or is it too late for me? My partner told me this morning if I was ever single again, I’d be too old and no one would be interested in me anymore. That men only want girls in their 20s.
I just want to be loved.

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Female 28, Delhi. Already 13 days late, as per the regular expected cycle. Pregnancy tests taken recently, in 5th week from intercourse. All tests gave negative results. There's some white fluid that's coming out of vagina, not surd how to read it. Felt cramps/mood swings, when periods were due, that went away soon. No other symptom at all.
I might have been stressed lately, but the late periods aren't helping.
Any suggestions? What could be probable cause? Are there still chances of pregnancy? What should I do?

My SIL and I are having some drama lately. You see, I am a SAHM (stay at home mom)! Why is this relevant? I'll explain! Currently my husband and I have only one vehicle, and my daughter is still very young, so I stay home with her while hubby works. Since it's not exactly by choice that I can't work atm I babysit for other moms who work. It helps them and it brings extra income for us. My SIL had began watching a baby for a mutual friend who works not far from where we live. SIL and I live on the same road. SIL was eventually planning to get a new job so she could only watch the baby for a brief period before inevitability passing him off to another sitter! I requested she pass the job to me since that's what I do! She said I "couldn't" watch him which I found odd. She then tried to convince her mom (my MIL) to take over for her in ADDITION to watching her son as well when she returned to work. Her mom called me instead. Everyone was well aware that my SILs son is a LOT to deal with so we were all quite understanding when MIL asked me to watch the other baby. However, SIL for some reason got super jealous when our mutual friend asked me to take over! I guess it built up inside her for a few days, because after I watched him the first time she began giving the baby's mom the silent treatment for "choosing me over her" to babysit. (As if the mom was supposed to just call off work until SIL was available) God forbid this mom get a reliable sitter so she can keep her job. But I digress! One day I we t to SILs house to ask if she could watch my daughter while my husband and I get groceries. Our truck only seats 2, so my daughter wouldn't fit. I then noticed it was MILs car SIL was using for the day. I explained that if she'd prefer, we could borrow MILs car and then she wouldn't need to watch my daughter! Not only did WE give MIL that car, but we had used it many times for transportation when we had kids with us. So it was nothing out of the ordinary. SIL immediately got defensive and said she NEEDED a car! In my head I got confused. If she was gonna stay home and watch my daughter then she clearly wouldn't need the car for the hour it would take us to grocery shop. I tried to ask why she so desperately needed the car if she wasn't going anywhere, to which she said "it's none of your business why I need a car, because unlike SOME PEOPLE I actually have a job!" I've been judged a lot for being a SAHM so this struck a nerve. I went OFF! "Oh its like tha!? Okay then, if I go back to work who's gonna watch my daughter?!" No response. "As a matter of fact who's gonna take me!? YOU wanna take me!? Huh!? You gonna take me to work?!" To which all she could respond was "whatever, I'm not doing this!" I continued to scream, "that's right you aren't! I will not let you speak to me like that! You know EXACTLY why I don't work atm, and how DARE YOU judge me when you have NO SOLUTION to offer anyway!" 😤 I was shaking and I could see the terror in her eyes. I'm not a scary person but this was a bold side of me most people never see! I grabbed my daughter and went home immediately! She spent the next few days telling people anything she could to make me sound like a bad mom. It broke me because she and I were actually getting close up until then! I couldn't believe someone I trusted would judge me AND try to destroy my reputation! Everyone agreed her comment was below the belt, and I'm wondering if I was wrong to blow up like that!?

This has taken me so long to write in this group because I don’t know where I belong
I have been given a temporary diagnosis of progressive solitary sclerosis, I have one lesion on my brain stem, but the location is so rare and so devastatingly positioned, it is progressively deteriorating my left side of my body, my memory the right side of my face. My left arm curls up like a claw and feels most comfortable when it’s curled into my armpit which looks so unnatural. It’s painful when i use it for periods of time, my left leg… I don’t even know how to explain it feels absent. There is some feedback missing. I walk with like a limp I can’t explain, it just doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do??? and my back, hip and leg hurts so much because of how I walk. Over a year since my first batch of optic neuritis, it has gotton so much worse over the last year, I’m scared to think what I’ll be like in another years time. They said my case is very rare, I have tried baclofen and paxam and neither work. I have had a one treatment of rituximab which stopped my constant flare of symptoms but they won’t give me anymore until another lesion occurs. I’m constantly being put in the too hard basket from fleets of neurologists I don’t know what I am or where I belong, all I know is that I’m deteriorating and my neurolgy team don’t care because they don’t know what to do. It’s hard to get support because I don’t have a formal diagnosis. I’m a mother, a wife and a 2nd year teaching degree student. I’m not willing to give up everything I worked so hard for but I’m so depressed lately I feel like my memory and my body is worsening slowly everyday and nobody cares. I’m sick of crying in front of my kids, I’m sick of taking 10 minutes just to urinate, I’m sick of not being heard, I’m just sick of everything. Is there anyone else like me out there?

The thing about this climate crisis that no one talks about is that economically, this is not new. This is the same sort of shift as any other massive economic shift we've seen in history, whether resulting from technology or environment or society or any combination of the three. It will be rapid; as rapid as the economic expansion of Europe when it discovered just how profitable colonisation and slavery were. But it's not really anything unseen in an economic sense.
How markets work is this: everything is just supply and demand. If there is a known demand for something, in a roundabout way, the market will ensure that demand is supplied. It might melt a few glaciers in the meantime, or be delayed by a war or two, but it's a force akin to that of nature, or evolution, or cause and effect. The markets will balance. Eventually.

A detour through history

The Chinese never developed eye-glasses. They didn't have the need for glass, because their drink of choice was tea, so the materials they worked with were mostly ceramics. In Europe, the cultural drink of refinement was wine. This didn't need to be kept hot, or be brewed and poured perfectly and all that stuff I'm told is important with tea. But it had requirements and qualities of its own, and one of them is that it looks pretty on display -- and that's why Europe developed and refined glass so much faster than China.
Glass is an incredibly old invention. It's fragile, much more fragile than pottery, so we rarely find it in archeological digs. But it's been invented in and/or expanded to many many cultures throughout history since at least 2000 BC in Egypt, Mesopotamia, and Syria, followed by the Greeks, the Romans, the Canaan, and the Persians. Basically anyone with an empire, including the Chinese, was making glass. Unfortunately they'd only just discovered transparent glass by the late Bronze Age, when the Bronze Age collapsed due to a series of environmental, migratory and urban changes.
(A good reminder that historically, periods of mass technological advancement are followed by civilisation collapses and dark ages. Until the present, of course. But that's been true of every present.)
A lot of glass-making technology was lost, but some important things were saved and some new stuff was rediscovered, and most of this discovering happened in Europe because they had, as I mentioned, wine. And rich people wanted to show off their pretty, colourful wine, and that only worked if your glass was transparent. And Italy had access to pure silica quartz, plus soda ash via their trade with the Levant, and so some clever spark there developed the first pair of eyeglasses.
And that's how you have Mecca, Italy and Venice (the latter of whom had been producing the famous Venetian glass, but moved all their glassmakers to Italy because they'd built all their buildings out of wood) all mass producing eye-glasses with consistent standards for Europe and the Middle East by the 14th century.
This might seem like a small development, but gradual loss of sight used to be a disability. Like, it seriously disabled people from doing many things. Far-sightedness meant artisans couldn't create and scholars couldn't read -- I can't even imagine how many people died falling off a horse just because they were short-sighted. For civilisations to have access to devices that got them decades of productivity out of some of the most skilled people in their societies was massive. And that's part of how you get European dominance over Asia, because the Chinese economic powerhouses didn't care about glass as much as Europe did. It's not enough to just invent something. To develop a technology, a society needs both the resources to play with and the need to play with it. That's why we get so much advancement from war. You can thank Germany for your microwave.

How on earth is this relevant to the market or our climate crisis?

Glass will be invented, and then it will be forgotten, and then it will be invented again. But only some economies flourished from it.
We have no control over anything but us. And that's terrifying. The climate change that crippled the Bronze Age wasn't even their fault and they still got thrown back to the Dark Ages.
We are going to see our own change in the market. We are going to live it. And one thing is true, whether National or ACT or BP like it or not: fossil fuels cannot continue to be relied upon as a commodity. Not long-term. It's a dying industry, slowly but surely, and it'll die whether we manage to wean ourselves off petrol or whether we use it all up first.
To a lesser extent, this is true of other non-renewables too. We are not at critical mass yet with our lithium-ion batteries, but we're now at the stage where people in the third world all seem to have cellphones. This is not a sustainable practice for a limited metal we have to mine from the earth. When something is running out, we don't have to stop using that material in the things we build; if we start to use it all up, it will soon get too expensive to build with, and that will stop us.
And that's why we have to stop using it: because if you as a country or industry pour all your energy and resources into developing technology based off that now-scarce resource, you will be left with no usable technology when that resource runs out.

What are National doing?

This is a political sub, so I won't mince words: something's gone wrong with National. Something's always been wrong with ACT, but National's change is recent. Power has been centralised in the board and the candidate selection process is no longer in the hands of the rank and file after Steven Joyce's shakeup, instead dominated by corporate interests. And they have dominated. We have a cabinet of lobbyists, and not just on National's side of the board; Luxon has pulled together the whole industry.
When we attribute "intentions" to things like forces and political parties, it can be easy to forget there's not a concerted, rational mind at play behind their decisions, and their actions are influenced by all of the people and factors and forces that make them up. When I say, "National has been bought by lobbyists", I don't mean every single person in the party is a corporate shill. I just mean that there is enough corporate, business, and big-money influence in the party that they are no longer being governed primarily by their voter base or even their party members.
Nothing makes this more obvious than National's direction in politics. When your LABOUR and GREEN parties are the ones proposing to fix your climate crisis via free-market ingenuity that we can patent, sell on and capitalise off, something has gone wrong. There is money to be made in climate change, and National are off chasing oil down the bottom of a well.
If we don't wean ourselves off fossil fuels, we will find ourselves paying for it the increased price for them when we don't have the green technology to utilise at the end of supply. If we don't put our minds to green tech and science, we won't have the environment-saving and cleaning and reinforcing products and knowledge to sell on when the demand for them peaks through the ceiling -- instead we will be buying from other countries at big prices, paying to ship their experts here to tell us how to manage our estuaries or dump sites or skink habitats or whatever it is we need to fix next. New Zealand got lucky with our green energy; we were already using renewables by sheer coincidence when the climate crisis struck, and it made our transition to this new world very smooth. We will not be that lucky again.
Look at what we produce as a country. We held on far too long to our wool market out of some idea that it was "what we were supposed to be doing", and it nearly wrecked the country. Because it took us so long to change, and because we'd converted all our land into pasture, the most effective market for us to turn to became beef. Now that market is thriving, and we are willfully ignoring the real economic costs that will come with being a beef export country, and that cost is methane. There is not a future where countries will be allowed to emit methane for free. And there are no methane-light cows to switch to. Not until we develop them.
And this is what people talk about when they talk about environmental solutions still to be developed -- as if other people are going to develop them. That is incorrect. WE are the Cow Country. WE are the ones that should be foremost of the cow-fart field. If we do, we will be the ones benefitting by selling our bio-engineered cows and our science that made it happen. But if we don't, if we trail behind, we let other countries get out in front, and then our industry relies on them, and their industry outgrows us.
And these are all individual product or problem examples, but we are dragging our feet across the entire green industry. Why?

Big Oil does not care if your tech is Green

I say big oil, but there are other anti-environment and pro-corporate interests at play here. And again, there's not some big puppetmaster moving his pawn pieces, but there is influence, and companies don't want the world to go green, because when they do, they stop getting money for all the things they're getting money from right now. They don't care about the environment because they don't have the capacity to care; they are not a they. They are a force, a conglomeration, a hivemind of workers breaking their back for the company, until they clock off and become their own person again.
Their only interest is keeping ahold of their incredibly profitable market, and that market needs machines that use oil, and consumers willing to buy those machines, and people who aren't thinking about switching to a non-oil version of their tractor that doesn't exist yet (because no one has found the need to invent it. Or had the right resources.)
Oil cares about oil. Mining cares about mining. Tobacco cares about tobacco. Beef cares about beef. And we get value out of these industries as a country, as a society, so when they say"This thing is bad for me", we do have to listen to that. Otherwise we won't get our beef, or our oil. But "This thing is bad for ME" isn't the same as "This thing is bad for YOU". And companies are relying on consumers to not know the difference.

Back to National

Tobacco lobbyists have bought out Parliament, and are literally drafting our tobacco laws. And they are just one interest around the table. But they have had a huge effect. Imagine what's happening to the interests of your politicians when you have your lobbyists working together. Imagine where the interests of lobbyists for mining and oil might meet. Now imagine fisheries has a guy in there too.
Our oceans should be feeling very nervous right now.
It's the small influences we can't see that make these big decisions later on. The people who select our future MPs. The people who decide, hey, I'm going to try this new glass technique. But it takes an awful lot of decisions to make a glassblowing society.
A lot of what we do, we don't do consciously, like developing eye-glasses. But the benefit of our open democries, of our information-based societies, of our unprecedented understanding of economies and markets and science and climate, should mean that when we choose to do something consciously, we can do it.
When we don't, something has gone wrong.

A Green Future

To get to the sort of green economy the non-business parties are picturing, you need someone who has the time and acumen to get us there.
That SHOULD be National. There is so much involved in politics; our politicians are running so much. And they're spending most of their time undoing the last guy's policies. Labour's policies sound like the Greens. National doesn't have any except "win". ACT are doing Charter Schools again. And the policies being made are being made in the interests of business people.
Our politicians don't have visions like Hollyoake of a New Zealand forging our own future, or Muldoon's determination to make things better for the average kiwi, or (heaven help me), Roger Douglass's respect for politics. None of the old guard are happy with how politics is shaping up, and certainly not the right, or who eventually became the right, in Douglass's case -- this is what he had to say on the subject: “John Key lived by the polls and it’s very dangerous. If you want to help people, you have to tell them the truth. The problem is that the politicians of today, they want to help themselves. So they poll in order to know what to say and it’s disgusting.”
I think in that one sentence, Douglass sums up everything wrong with the modern National Party. Once upon a time, National were in it to help people. They're not anymore.

Where to now?

It's all just markets.
If National won't change, they'll kill their market and they'll be replaced by a new party, just like the Liberal Party and Reform Party and Social Credit Party before them. National and Labour have always been around, but not always as these parties, or in these forms. The political spectrum will move to meet demand -- even when curtailed by corporate interests.
Or National will change, take control of their candidates and board, and live to fight for another century or so.
Either way, the economy will continue, and so will climate change. We will still need to develop new technologies using our available resources, and direct our technology-developing towards fixing environmental solutions. I hope New Zealand will benefit from this, and not just witness it. But if it's not National making the push, another political party will. We can see that happening right now, with the other parties suggesting their own green business ideas that National should be sweeping up votes for. There is voter and consumer demand for green businesses, and National are distracting us instead with shiny baubles because the corporations influencing them don't want you to see them.
Another thing Douglass was frustratingly right about: all our parties are doing at the moment is undoing each other's policies. It's hard to see New Zealand making any forwards progress at all if that's our direction.

I have had periodic depression since my early twenties, I’m 39 now. It usually starts in the autumn and lasts until late spring. But sometimes longer. I used to not notice it when I was younger I just connected it to external factors of life. But now I’m much more self aware of the problem and try not to blame outside factors like work, relationships etc because I know it’s a false path. I tried that before. Changing jobs, changing relationships, moving cities, it does not make a difference - this dark cloud follows me everywhere.
My symptoms are: * negative thinking - and over focus on negatives around me. Like noisy neighbors, politics, increasing prices of things, my job etc etc - I become like a grumpy grandfather.

• stress and laziness at the same time - I feel like there’s too much pressure on me to do “stuff” that I don’t even know what it is, and at the same time I’m too lazy to do anything and have to force my self to do things around the house for example.
  
• feeling of hopelessness and wanting to quit everything. My ambitions fade. Stop caring about my career, my fitness, my visual appearance, my hobbies, friends and events - and just generally become a slob.
  
• escapist thinking - I start to dream about moving to a different country, selling the house, going on a long trip, changing jobs, etc And I motivate that by explaining to my self and others how awful it is where I’m at right now.
  

My coping patterns have been the following:

• withdrawing to get time alone as much as possible
  
• trying not to verbalize my negative thoughts because I have learned that it’s not socially acceptable to be native so much. I have often got the comment “ don’t be so negative “ and it’s a big trigger for me that makes me angry and withdrawn.
  
• trying to focus on my self like going to gym, watching movies I love, playing video games.
  
• temporarily down prioritize stuff that is “hard” - like chores around the house, working less hard at work, skipping some social events when I don’t feel like it etc.
  

Now to my problem: I can’t use those coping mechanisms any more. I now have a wife and child and a house. They need me. My son needs me. I can’t just escape in to my computer for hours of the day or go to gym. He’s just below 1 year old and he needs somebody to watch him all the time. I love the little guy. But in combination with my depression I find my self in a negative spiral.
I feel like I’m doing everything against the stream - I have to force everything I do through out the day. Playing, cleaning , cooking. Doing projects around the house that need doing. I find my self complaining a lot, and my wife is fed up with it already. And I can understand her. Im constant grumpy and tired. By the end of the day I have used up all my willpower to do anything to the point where I don’t even want to brush my teeth before going to bed. I have 0 action energy left. I have not even changed my clothes in like 4 days.
On top of that there are social events that were not there before. Meeting with daycare parents, my wife’s friends that also just got kids etc. I really dread those but I force my self to pull through. And some times my grumpy mood shines through and I make everybody feel bad.
I guess I’m kind of involuntary project my mood on others and make them feel the same way. But I feel bad about it at the same time.
I don’t know what to do now. There’s no where for me to escape and hide with my dark cloud now and recharge my energy. I have to be there everyday. I’m worried that this new life that is more demanding than before will ruin my marriage and break apart my family.
My wife has been very understanding and suggested I should take a day here and there for my self. And I have. But it seems to not be enough. I feel guilt for taking that day off and leaving everything at home to my wife. And then when I come back the energy I have regained is gone very fast. It’s not sustainable.
In a few months I have to go back to work and I’m not sure I will be able to. I’m worried about getting fired or burned out. I have nightmares about my marriage ending and can’t sleep properly because the little guy wakes up multiple times at night. I feel like they would be happier without me to be honest, at least this version of me that I hate my self. I don’t want to be like this, but I am anyway.
I don’t know where I should start now. I thought I had it figured out living with my depression but now I feel hopeless and I have not answers for my self.

I have hypothyroidism (hashimoto's) and I couldn't register to my endocrinologist without a long wait time so I went privately to another one.
That new doctor shamed me for not tracking my periods. Yes, I realize I should've been doing that, but due to my trauma and being repulsed by my own genitalia, as well as not being taught to do that I've struggled with it. She then shamed me for not yet going to a gynecologist despite being nearly 20. I did get my thyroid medication prescription, but the overall experience was quite infuriating.
I then went to my general doctor as I was having some itchy, dry skin due to my TSH levels being too high. I handed her the note from the rude endocrinologist and she demanded I go to the gynecologist to figure out the problem with these irregular cycles.
I have severe health anxiety, so these past few days I've been contemplating actually doing that as my period is a month, almost two, late. However I've had irregular periods most of my life, I simply never felt pressured by any of my previous doctors to check it out.
For more context I have anorexia, but am nearing a healthier weight for my height through eating more healthy. Due to sexual trauma I am afraid of the idea of going to the gynecologist and them touching me in any way. The idea of it feels intrusive and inappropriate.

So I neglected my physical for a long time, but happy to say I've been getting into bodyweight work lately thanks to communities like this and people like K Boges, and I think this really is what I wanna be doing. I've been doing mainly chinups/pullups for a couple weeks, squats for a couple days, and soon pushups, and that's the foundation of everything else (if not most of) what I wanna be doing.
The problem is due to the long periods of inactivity and poor form/posture in the past I've been running into underlying tendon issues which have prevented me from advancing in bodyweight and movement/mobility work. For example, I've been doing GTG (grease-the-groove) on chinup negatives (up to 5 sessions of 2 reps), and resting squat/asian squat progressions (~5-6 sessions of 2 reps), and I came across signs of golfer's elbow on my left, and low hamstring issue on my right outer knee (biceps femoris).
So, on that chance that I'm doing overuse, or not enough rest in between, I've decided to pause everything and focus on tendon recovery and strengthening for at least a couple weeks, so I can progress more smoothly in the future.
For starters, I've been doing low load, low volume, slow, and eccentric wrist and leg curls/pauses, and bridges for the above-mentioned issues, and seeing positive results. Also doing external shoulder rotation as I had a rotator cuff injury on my right once.
Now what I wanna know is, what other majofoundational tendons can I work on, or what other movements can I target, to ensure a good baseline for tendon strength for me to progress with when I resume proper training? What does your tendon work routine look like? I tried to look up how many we're supposed to have and it's like some 4000 tendons lmao, thus the question. Tendons be everywhere
And yes, I would rather do this and jump right back into what I was doing, than take it real slow and wait for tendon strength to catch up. I'm on a little break anyway, so might as well focus on strengthening other areas in the meantime. But I am open to listening if you think I'm wrong to do so. It's just that I die a little every time I kill any momentum.

I didn't realize the drop date and withdrawal period were the same thing and assumed I could wait until I did the final exam for a course to withdraw. Realized just now that this is not the case. Currently panicking and trying to petition a late withdrawal. Does the 'First Year Late Withdrawl Petition' apply to the Faculty of Science? If not, does anyone have any resources or tips (or success rates) for writing an academic petition? Am I allowed to quote emails from advising?
Thanks, hope everyone has a great summer.

hello, para dun sa mga nagtetake din ng yaz pills may question lang po ako. I just finished my first pack of yaz pills and sa last white pill dun lang ako dinatnan, then tinuloy ko lang itake yung 2nd pack ko as advised na din from my ob. Right now pang 4th day ko na sa period actually spotting nalang siya. Ang concern ko lang is normal lang ba na magka dysmenorrhea pa din even if spotting nalang and 4th day na? nung first 2 days ng period ko I was experiencing extreme dysmenorrhea and lower back pain, na di ko naman na experience dati pag nagkakaroon ako. Btw kaka diagnose lang sakin ng PCOS a month ago. I just want know if may same ba ng experience with me while taking Yaz pills. Would really appreciate to hear some insights.

my girlfriend's period started late this month but she is acting weird. "my period finally started, i was so scared" we didnt have sex for the last 6 months cause we are doing long distance so no chances of her being scared of missing her period because of me. i am not scared but a bit confused, would love you get some sugesstions from girls here that if its normal or not?

So, I've been on the defending side of a crusade launched against my allies and I realized that I my current MoA composition (2x Xbows, 1x Archer, 1x Light footman, 1x Horse Archer, 2x Trebuchets, and 1x Light Cavalry) isn't holding up anymore. I attacked an army that has a 10k lower troop count than my but a ton of my troops (Levies I think) immediately starts surrending after the first tick. As the days went on, despite having green numbers indicating that I have the advantage, I eventually lost the battle which costed the entire war (the fucking warscore was 95% and I fucked it up by chasing the recovering army while my ally abandoned me to recapture a castle). I had no choice but to reload an earlier save.
The current tech innovation era is in the Late Medieval period (I'm using a mod that has 1300s as the start date). My culture's turkish and we have Warrior Culture, Horse Lords, Formation Fighting Experts, Ruling Caste, Court Eunuchs, and a soon to be added By the Sword as traditions.

I Accepted a Job to Film on the Dark Web
Man, I am pumped to tell you chronically online content addicts my story. Wait is that too mean of an intro? Will this get taken down for harassment since I painted too accurate a picture of the people on this site? Sorry, everyone, I’m sure you all smell like an expensive bakery and have touched grass this morning. Anyway, I promise I have something interesting. It even involves the dark web you uncreative writers cream yourselves over! I mean, totally real people speaking about their strangely similar experiences. Okay, fine I’ll stop bullying you through the screen before you click off.
This all started when I was seven years old and my parents were killed in front of me in an anti-indigenous hate crime, but let's be real you don’t care. I’m just some annoying Cherokee kid with dead parents so I’ll skip to the good parts. I spent years in an orphanage, gradually becoming more interested in death and violence. As bad as it is, I went out of my way to expose myself to that content in the hopes of desensitizing myself. Which ended up working too well, since now I’m obsessed with causing and viewing pain, though I don’t find any joy in hurting myself.
I got adopted at twelve and after a few months of staying at my new family’s home on the reservation, I went with them to a state sweatier than the average Reddit user, California. Long story short, both of my caretakers, whom I referred to as Uncle and Auntie because they could never be my parents, died. Leaving me in the care of their older son, who I call cousin. I’m not stupid enough to give up any real names, so I’ll call him Brick, cause he’s as dumb as one. He was in his early 20s when he was tasked with taking care of me and is the world’s worst excuse for a babysitter.
I’m almost always alone at the apartment, with him only coming by to drop off supplies and stay for a few hours so the neighbors don’t get too worried. Unless I get in trouble at school, then he’d suddenly give a shit. It's useful because he doesn't about the gory stuff I look at, but some display of interest would be nice. Oh well, ninety percent of the population sucks so he’s just part of the majority. Now, with that said, you’ll be able to understand the perfect storm that led me here. During my time on the deep web, I found a particular website that caught my eye. They had new footage relatively consistently and they were the easiest for me to access since I didn't go too far into the dark web, especially with all the honey pots lying around.
I even bought a couple of files for myself to study and admire. One thing irritated me though, the cameraman. He was always sobbing, breathing, shaking, or some combination of those. It seriously killed the vibe of the killings. Something I commented on under many videos, often saying I would do a better job filming. A choice that in hindsight was me asking to end up in one of those recordings. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was mostly the only one who commented but I was sure they wouldn't care. I was embarrassingly wrong.
I was staying up like usual, but it was past one AM on a school night, and back then that was a lot so I tried to sleep. Closing my eyes, tossing and turning, the works. I had just started drifting off when I heard the front door open. I remained calm but immediately found it weird since Brick never showed up this late. The thuds of the individual's feet grew louder as they got closer to my bedroom. I tried to convince myself it wasn't a stranger, especially since they got in with ease, but I knew that was wishful thinking.
They hummed as they opened my door. My dumbass had left it unlocked. I remained on my side, trying to look like I was asleep. They turned on the flashlight of their phone, shining it in my face. It was hard but I stayed still while they traced it over my features. I could tell they were smiling as they clicked their tongue.
“Heh, I knew it was a brat,” they whispered to themselves, pulling tangles out of my hair. Something I struggled not to groan from. They pulled up the hair over my ear and got so close spit got on my ear lobe.
“I know you’re awake kid,” they murmured, putting a blade to my neck. I let them grab my shoulder and move me onto my back, I knew how to fight but I wasn't about to take that big a risk with the position they had me in.
“You think you’re so cool saying you can do better than our guy.” they snickered, kneeling, their flashlight still shining in my face.
“Do you seriously believe that?” they questioned, moving the light away.
“Yeah, I do.” I stood my ground, they might have been intimidating but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from being honest.
“I wouldn't sound like I’m gonna piss myself every time it gets gory. I’m confident I could get better footage too, getting up close is something I’ve fantasized about.”
They clicked their tongue again and ran their finger over the bridge of my nose.
”Well, I know you’re a big fan of what we do, and you’re confidence makes me think you got something to back those claims up, so how’d you like a deal?”
I was surprised by how civil they were being aside from the touching and weapon against my throat.
“What kind of deal?” I asked, for all I knew this guy wanted me to lick their feet or some weird shit like that. They placed a finger underneath my eye, tracing a half moon with their nail.
“You have till this Friday to film a video of you killing an animal and put it on a flash drive that I’ll pick up here. If it impresses me and the crew we’ll hire ya with a handsome salary.” They began, moving their hand down to my cheek.
“But if you don't show, or it doesn't meet our standards, then I’m fucking up one of the parts of your face.” They warned, pinching my skin harshly.
“And if I say no to this deal?”
They put their hand over my mouth, scratching my lips.
“That’s cute, if you say no I’ll just slit your throat.” they grinned.
“Or rip it open with my teeth if you got a preference,” they smirked, before running their tongue across their sharp teeth.
“Okay, since I have no choice I’ll go with it, but I’m telling you now I can give you something way better than what you likely expect of me.” I prefaced, looking into their sunken eyes. They scratched my scalp, including the side of my head that was shaved.
“Good choice, I’ll be back to pick it up and if you're not here I’ll assume you don’t have the video. I genuinely wish you luck, because you’ll need it.” they removed the blade from my neck and walked away. I sat still for a few minutes in the dark, processing what had happened and wondering how they got into my apartment with such ease. I was confident I could blow their sniveling excuse of a cameraman out of the water, but I was worried about the people I was getting caught up with.
Sure, I had been on a lot of gore sites over the years but I was always just watching and occasionally commenting. Compared to most in the scene I wasn't much of a threat. I could defend myself and have contemplated killing for years but I hadn't murdered anyone or worse. Plus, I am part of way too many targeted groups to not be constantly at risk. Teenage, fem-leaning, two-spirit, indigenous kid with trauma? Yeah, I might as well be walking sign screaming “Hate crime me”.
So yeah, there was a lot to worry about. Regardless, I couldn't let that fear hold me back. I had a job to do and a group of sickos to appease. The next morning was rough, I got no sleep cause I’d spent all night brainstorming. I barely mustered the energy to change and drank straight mouthwash instead of brushing my teeth. Slogging onto the bus with drool on my cheek, I went to the back like usual. No one sat there cause, the seats were extra worn down, and I scared off anyone who attempted to with my active, rabies-infected bitch face. That day was different though.
I blanked on his name and where I knew him from, but I recognized his wavy hair and prominent curved nose. He glanced at each seat on the bus, before somehow settling on my area. He tried to give me space but ultimately seated himself beside me after realizing it was the only spot that didn't look like it would give him cancer. I glared at him as I did with everyone, but it didn't phase him.
“You know you could pick anywhere else right?” I murmured. He stared at the floor, then at me.
“I’m aware, but a few months ago I started a mission to sit on every part of this bus, and this is the last place.” he smiled, his lips softly curving at the sides.
“What’s the point of that?”
His mouth moved into a more neutral position, but his eyes kept smiling.
“I just thought it would be neat to see the same place from a bunch of different perspectives.” he took out his phone and snapped a photo from the point of view where he was sitting. Maybe my sleepiness made my bitch face less effective, cause he hadn't shown a hint of fear, which kind of annoyed me.
“That’s cool I guess, but I wouldn't do that if I were you. I’ve done some back here alone that would make your skin crawl.” in hindsight my attempt at unnerving him just made me sound like a pervert, which is probably why he held back laughter. Trying to hide a chuckle by clearing his throat.
“Hey, it's not my business what you do, no matter how Haram it is. It’s your life so that’s between you and whatever you believe in. Just don’t shake hands with me.” he joked, playfully putting his hands up. Strangely, I remembered his name at that moment.
“Oh shit, you’re Abdul! We have art together.” I sat up, haphazardly slamming my hand down on my leg.
“Uh yeah, I’ve seen some of your paintings, they’re pretty cool. I like the way you texture them, I’m trying to work on that.” he complimented, seeming more weirded out by my sudden energy than my accidental insinuation. I felt a little stupid for yelling his name but decided not to dwell on it.
“Thanks, you’re stuff is nice, and you’re good at shading.”
He stretched his arms while thanking me. We talked for a few more minutes, taking jabs at each other throughout. Turns out he was better at being an asshole than his artsy charismatic appearance made me think. The thing setting our insults apart being that you could tell he was a loving person underneath. It was the nicest conversation I had with anyone in a while. Though he could tell I was tired so he quieted down, letting me sleep, waking me when we got to school. We went our separate ways until the last two periods we shared. All that time, I spent my remaining energy plotting how I was going to handle the video. What I’d kill, record with, and how to dispose of the evidence. It was a lot to consider, but through three classes I devised a plan.
I’d find a stray around my apartment complex and take it out in my room. Record it on a portable camera since I broke the ones on my phone, no, I will not be answering how that happened. Then once I had my footage I’d put the body in a trash bag, throw it in the complex’s garbage, and clean the blood off my floor. It didn't seem like Brick would come by so he wasn't a factor I thought I’d have to consider. The plan was almost too easy, but I decided to believe in Occam’s razor. I got so lost in thought that by the time I reached Art, which was my second-to-last period, I didn't process that we were moving seats.
“She called your name,” Abdul reminded me. Our teacher placed us next to each other at our four-person table. The two girls sitting with us were already friends, so I didn't bother to say anything, but I was interested in talking to him more.
“So, what do you think of this assignment?” He shrugged, taking out his sketchbook.
“I’m not that good at drawing people, but the idea of combining two people’s faces into a portrait seems interesting. Any ideas on who you’ll pick?”
“Probably the members of the music duo Brain Tumor, they’re my favorite artists and they both look weird as hell.”
“Wow way to talk about your favorites, if that’s what you say about them I can‘t imagine what you have to say about me.” he joked, pulling up reference pictures.
“First, it’s not an insult, second I don’t have anything to say about you. Brain and Tumor have features and styles that make them stand out. Sure they’re ugly, but it just adds to their visual charm. Hot people are boring, there’s nothing to pick at.” I explained, unzipping my bag.
“Oh, so you’re saying you think I’m hot.”
His comment wasn’t serious but it kind of got to me.
“Shit, that’s not what I meant, I was trying to say you’re boring. All hot people are boring, but not all boring people are hot, okay?” I explained, flipping to a clean page.
“Alright, but if I’m so bland then why talk to me?”
I hesitated, contemplating how much of a dick I was gonna be.
“Because it means you probably need some spice in your life, which I can provide.”
He began sketching a head on his paper.
“I like spices, but I feel like you’re the kind of person to dump a cabinet’s worth onto me.”
I flicked my pencil over to his side of the desk, putting on a mocking grin.
“Aww, you scared I’m gonna get you into trouble?”
He picked up the pencil and started using it, putting his on my side.
“No, ‘cause I’m good at setting boundaries. I’m more concerned that you’ll get annoyed with how unafraid of you I am.”
I stared at him for a moment, I hadn't expected to hear that.
“Jeez, man you didn't have to read me like that.”
He shrugged, observing the red paint from past projects that lay on my pencil.
“It's not hard to figure out, just this morning you were trying to push me away on the bus. Lucky, or unlucky, for you I want you to have a friend and you seem like a fun person.”
“Wait are you saying I have no friends?” I squinted at him.
“Well, do you?”
I didn't answer.
“If your response is silence I suggest you take up my offer.”
I was stunned, to be honest. No one had offered to be my friend since 6th grade, and that didn't last long. Of course, I accepted it, but for the rest of the period, there was an awkwardness in my mind. As pathetic as it sounds I wasn't used to others genuinely enjoying my company like he did. Which was partly by design cause I get joy out of scaring people away, but still. I forgot how it felt to have conversations about normal things like art. He had such a nice smile too, usually when I see a grin I want to slap it off, but I liked his. His voice was also nice, it’s hard to describe what in particular but it was easy on the ears.
Okay, I’m starting to get off-topic. I’ll skip to the important part. Toward the end of class, he started talking about how he was interested in filmmaking and got a portable video camera as a gift at last year’s Eid. He didn't have it on him, but he showed me a picture.
“Heh, that’s funny, I bought the same one a month ago.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, it's a popular model, I’m still getting the hang of it though cause I’m so used to using my phone.”
“Well, maybe I could bring you over to my place or vice versa after school and I can help you out.” I suggested.
He smiled, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“I thought you said you’ve only had it for a month? You know I can always look up tutorials from trained professionals.” he reminded me with a notable smugness that I'd used with him before.
“Well those guys are stuffy and I’m a fast learner.”
He redirected his attention back to his page, picking his pencil up.
“Alright, I suggest we go somewhere public instead. You’re not exactly the kind of person I want to bring home to my parents right away. Plus they always need to meet my friends and their guardians before I hang out at their home.”
I gave an exaggerated sigh, stretching my back.
“Aw man, looks like we can’t get high in my murder pit during our first hangout.”
He didn't respond for a solid few seconds.
“Wait, you do know I'm joking right?”
He shrugged, the smile in his eyes appearing again.
“I mean, one of those things is a little less believable than the other.” he snickered, and I laughed with him.
We set up a time and a date, which is where I screwed myself. He ended up being busy with projects from his other classes and family which just left us with Friday, the same day I had to submit the video. Now, did I tell him I wouldn't be able to make it? No, of course not, because I decided to be stupid and even more overconfident. I said that I’d one hundred percent be able to hang out with him after school like I didn't have a mutilator who was going to drop by my place at an unknown time.
The rest of the day went over fine but that bad timing led me to feel like a dick later. When I got home I was able to write out my plan, even sketching a few specifics of what I’d do. It was more exciting than when I’d been brainstorming, but this is when the gravity of the situation began to set in. When I said I’d fantasized about killings I meant it. I mean my teddy with twenty-five stab wounds should say enough. Regardless this would be the first time real blood was on my hands.
It made me feel powerful, but a little afraid. I’ve heard stories of people thinking that it would be an awesome experience and then feeling like shit. I doubted I’d be one of those people but still. Plus, I didn't exactly trust the guy who gave me this job. There was a good chance that this whole situation was rigged and they’d kill me no matter how good the video was. Or worse turn me into the feds and expose my collection. Honestly, if that happened I’d probably eat a shot to avoid going to jail. Wait, can I say that on this platform? Okay to the mods, that was a joke, I want to live a long life. Ugh, I’m doing a terrible job of staying on track. The point is there was a lot up in the air despite it being a matter of life or death.
I knew I’d go through with it but it was still a lot less straightforward than it initially seemed. I wracked my brain to remember where most of the cats stayed and tried to come up with a good way to lure one without raising suspicion. This also proved harder than first thought because I didn't think to account for the cat man, an old guy who lived alone and fed all the cats in our dingy complex while also housing a few. Knowing how obsessive he was he’d probably notice if one of them disappeared. Then again not all the cats return consistently or at all. It makes more sense that he’d think one of them was run over rather than slaughtered. It was getting late again so I rested my head for a moment, a bad move cause I ended up falling asleep at my desk. Not even changing out of the clothes I’d worn before, I woke up late and barely caught the bus the next morning.
I went to my usual spot but Abdul had already taken it. He patted the area next to it, which he’d covered in a towel, a smart move knowing how nasty it was. People gave me a few dirty looks as normal, which I smiled at. I stretched, my mind slightly less out of it than the previous morning.
“Uh, you do realize that-”
“Yeah, I know I’m wearing the same clothes.”
Abdul looked me up and down, his eyes remaining soft, but with a mix of concern and judgment. He set his backpack down and took off his sweater handing it to me.
“Dude what are you-”
“Look I don't know what led to you not being able to change but I think you should at least have a fresh top.”
I was surprised he was offering me something to wear but I took it.
“Uh, thanks, I’ll change into it later.”
He nodded as I put it in my backpack.
“You know you didn't have to do that.” I reminded him.
“Well there’s a lot of stuff I don’t have to do, but I do it because I want to, and I wanted to help you out.”
He smiled, his face still warmer than an Arizona summer. I got a strange feeling in my chest at that moment, I still can’t tell if it was good or bad.
“Well, thanks, I'll give it back to you tomorrow.”
We talked a little more and he mentioned something that caught my attention.
“Have you heard about all the animals that have been turning up dead?”
My eyes widened with surprise.
“No, I haven't, when did you hear about that?”
He pulled on his long-sleeve shirt.
“My sister said her friend who works at a shelter noticed a bunch of animals were getting adopted by people around the same time, and since then gore videos with them have been showing up. She found out through her co-worker who was emailed it by some random creep.”
I covered my mouth and looked away to hide the smile growing on my face. He had just given me the perfect cover-up without knowing. Now if I killed an animal people had an entire violent ring to connect it to instead of me! I stayed quiet for a minute because I could tell he’d likely see through any phony sad sounds I made.
“Oh wow, that’s awful, do you think they’ll ever find out the people behind it?”
He sighed, running his hand through his wavy hair.
“I hope so, for now, all we can do is pray that no more animals get hurt.”
I couldn't contain my grin as he said that so sincerely like animals and people didn't die constantly and that taking down one group would somehow stop the issue.
“Is there some joke I don’t get?” he furrowed his brow.
“Uh, no, sorry I smile when nervous.”
His gaze softened again, and he didn't press further.
His bringing up the animal killings ended up being the exact push I needed to get my hands dirty. I’d spent the entire day before planning so it was time to put that plan into action. I stole some cat treats that the cat man had laid out and spread them around my apartment which was on the bottom floor. Waiting for one of them to take the bate outside my window was pretty boring but one of them came after a few minutes. A scraggly brown and black cat with a tuft of fur missing on one side of his head. It's messed up but I felt like a little less of an asshole for taking him in since he looked like he was already struggling. I scooped him up and he didn't attempt to fight back.
“Hey there buddy” I waved, feeding him some more food. His eyes had a lot of crust on them, it was kinda gross but I don’t have the right to say with how often I wash my jeans. After a minute or two he let me pet him. I knew making any kind of attachment was bad but I thought it was the right thing to do so he’d fall into a sense of security. I was just about to take him into my room when the door opened.
“Hey, I’m back with groceries!” my shithead cousin announced with two plastic bags in his hands. He looked down to see me with the cat, his eyebrows raising.
“Aw come on, you know we can’t afford a pet.”
He groaned placing the bags on a table and unloading them.
“I know, but he doesn't look like he’s got a lot of life in him I at least want to help him feel better before he kicks the bucket!”
Brick rolled his eyes, putting the cereal box on top of the fridge
“Jeez, did you even think about what diseases he might have? His eyes look puffy what if he has something that can get you sick?”
He had valid concerns which was surprising since he’s usually stupid, but I was still annoyed with him.
“I’m sure he’s fine, I’ll even try to wash him, just please let me hold onto him for a little.”
He folded his arms looking down at us.
“Have you even named him?”
I froze for a second, before using the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being pretty awful knowing my plans.
“Cash cow.” I blurted, awkwardly patting his head.
“Honestly that’s better than what I was expecting. I was sure you’d pick ‘Hellspawn Mcgee’ or something else corny.”
He meant to make fun of me but honestly, I would have named him that if I had more time.
“Ugh, anyway I got those dumb chips you like.”
He then pulled out a bag of the wrong chips.
“Dude those are the wrong ones, this is the third time you’ve mixed up the flavors.”
He threw them at me, scaring the cat slightly.
“Well, I pay for it so you shouldn't be so picky. Anyway, while I was in line I picked up something you might be into.”
He then tossed me a trashy teen magazine. One of my least favorite sorry excuses for an influencer on the cover.
“This is a joke, right?”
I couldn't believe my own adopted brother gave such little shit in my interests.
“I don't know, you decided to start being a girl for real this time so I thought the makeup tips on page ten would help you out.”
I scrunched my face at his comment.
“Dude I’ve been this way for years, just because I started wearing more makeup and dresses doesn't mean I’m more of a girl than when I didn't. I know you won’t get the two-spirit thing but come on.”
He shrugged, seeing me done with me even though he’d just shown up.
“Yeah well hey I’m trying. Anyway, just so you know a friend of mine is coming here Friday.”
My heart stopped.
“Wait why here? You live elsewhere why can’t you assholes go there or their place!”
He slammed his fist on the table.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
He screamed with a phrase I’d grown numb to.
“I don't know, to be honest, something about wanting to move into this complex and this being a way to scout it out. I’m just letting you know now so you don’t act like a complete freak.”
“Jokes on you I’ll piss in whatever shitty beer you bring just cause you said that!”
I yelled back raising my voice higher than his. He face-palmed before putting the plastic bags in the drawer under the sink.
“Whatever, you and your ketamine-addict-looking cat have fun,” he told me while seating himself on the couch. I picked up the cat and walked into the bathroom to clean it. I closed the door and placed him in the dry tub. Using a small disposable mouthwash cup I got a little bit of water. I hadn't had a pet before so I wasn't sure how to approach the task. I dipped my fingers in the water and carefully pet it while pouring s small bit down his back. Any other cat would fight back but he just made pissed-off noises without doing anything.
I scrapped my old shampoo bottle and kneaded it into his thin fur. His skin was bumpy and dry beneath the hair so scrubbing it was uncomfortable. I made sure to avoid getting soap in its eyes but I did pull away some of the crust on its lids. His pupils were so clouded I was surprised that he could see at all, making me feel even more sure that he would be on its way out with or without me.
After drying him I set him on a beat-up shirt I wore when modifying clothes. He sunk his claws into it a few times, playing with a loose string. I ignored him for the rest of the night, hopping into the shower and changing for bed. His meows woke me up a few times but I tuned it out after a while, reminding myself that he wouldn’t be my cat for long.
The next day was Thursday and there wasn't a second that passed by where the weight of the murder I’d have to commit didn't weigh on me. I seriously shot myself in the foot by taking care of that scruffy, pubic hair pile. I was supposed to be hyped about killing it, after all, I’d dreamed and seen way worse than what I was going to do. Yet once I got home and started setting up I felt grosser with each step. I decided to record it in my bathroom instead of my bedroom so it would be harder to connect to me. I set down a few fabric scraps and a worn-out beach towel, placing it all inside a tub for easier cleanup later.
“Okay, I guess it's time,” I mumbled to myself. I brought the cat in and placed it down, setting up my camera once it was comfortable. I also wore my most generic clothes in addition to a mask, putting my hair in a bun for sanitation. When I saw the flicker of red showing that the camera was on I felt I was dreaming. I smiled, excited that I’d get to live out my violent desires. Yet, when I looked down at its pathetic frame and confused expression those urges left me.
I rationalized what I was doing, reminding myself how many animals die all the time and that I’d been forced into this, but it didn't help much in the end. I won’t get into it but under the pressure of impressing the group Cash Cow didn't go out as fast as I would have liked for a first task. Getting rid of the evidence was especially rough, the textures were pretty nasty, to put it mildly. It was surreal watching the blood go down the tub drain and gradually drip off my hands as I rinsed them. I couldn't conjure a single thought the entire time I cleaned it up.
Whether I was wringing out the clothes or putting the remains in plastic bags, it didn't matter. All I could focus on was the task at hand, with hints of disgust along the way. I ended up finishing at three AM. My hands were wrinkled and shook once I settled. I won’t deny that during the murder I didn't hate it. Slashing into something was fun and it made me feel strong. Still, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I expected it to be. Part of it was guilt, but it was mostly disappointment. I’d built it up for years and it wasn't earth shatteringly good or bad.
Overall, I expected to feel more, but it just left me hollow with an uncomfortable itch. There was no way I’d ever be able to see the tub the same way, hell I don’t think I’ll ever use it again. Luckily I almost always shower anyway so it's not too big of a deal. I watched a few horror game videos, trashed everything, changed and went to bed.
My scalp hurt like a bitch the morning since I kept my hair in that stupid bun. Despite getting less sleep than the past two days I held myself together a bit better in the morning. I brushed my teeth, changed, and had some fried bread before getting on the bus. Regardless I looked like complete shit and struggled to slump into my seat.
“Rough night?” Abdul asked
“Uh, yeah.” I quietly responded looking to the floor.
He frowned, looking at me with concern.
“You can talk about it if you're comfortable,” he assured me. I contemplated giving him a thinly veiled metaphor or vague explanation so he'd comfort me but stopped myself before my mouth could run a muck. He wouldn't be able to do much of anything and I don’t like opening up.
“Uhm, thanks but it's something I have to deal with alone.”
He nodded, respecting my boundaries.
“You know, I understand if you can’t hang out today it seems like you have a lot going on.”
I avoided eye contact with him as he spoke. For once I was feeling hints of guilt toward a person. I wanted to spend time with him, but I knew that I wasn't in the state to do that.
“Yeah, I think it’ll have to wait, I’m-” I cut myself off before apologizing. A fact about me that should surprise no one is that I hate apologizing. Even when I do feel kinda bad the act fills me with embarrassment.
“You what?” he asked, his eyes telling me that he knew what I was going to say.
“I’m emotionally not great.” I spat out in an admittedly poor attempt to get out of saying sorry. As always he remained calm but I could tell he saw through me.
“Okay, like I said I understand, whatever it is I hope you feel better.”
I told him thank you and we didn't speak for the rest of the day. At home I changed into more comfortable clothes and brushed my teeth. Unfortunately, I wasn't bouncing back from killing nearly as much as I expected.
“It wasn't even that bad! That thing was on its last legs anyway.” I grumbled to myself, smacking my forehead. I was feeling worse than when I did it which is weird. I ended up spontaneously decorating a ratty tie from the bottom of an accessory drawer to distract myself. It helped me get my mind off things, for a little. I had zero plan, just wanting to make something needlessly complex. Hours that felt like minutes passed and soon it was covered in patches, frills, and beads. I just tried it on when I heard the front door open.
“Man, that shit was wild!” I heard Brick laugh groggily. I didn't have to see or smell him to know he’d gotten lit. I rolled my eyes, closing my bedroom door.
“Hey, who’s there?” his friend asked, seemingly referring to me.
“Oh, that’s my little sis, don’t mind her she’s just on her emo shit!” he joked, which pissed me off for the petty reason that I didn't even listen or dress emo.
“Hey, that’s alright with me, I went through one of those phases,” they responded, their words less slurred than my cousin’s.
I fucked up and forgot to lock it when I closed it so they were able to swing it open, almost smacking my desk.
“Hey emo girl!” they waved as Brick haphazardly pulled them back.
“Okay, man, seriously I think she wants to be left alone.”
The way his friend looked at me made me uncomfortable. Like they’d snap my neck if I pissed them off. They clicked their tongue while stepping through the door frame.
“Alright, but I gotta say calling her an emo is inaccurate, they look like they watch gore and most emos just say they do.” they flashed a sharp toothy grin. At that moment I began to connect the dots.
“Easy, she’ll get pissy with you dude, now come on.” Brick warned tugging their opened button pushed him away. They looked me dead in the eyes.
“I don’t think she minds, in truth, I feel like we’ll have a lot to discuss later.” they smiled again, finally walking back into the living room. A chill ran up my spine when I saw them. The sharp teeth, New York accent, unsettling gaze, that motherfucker was the person who recruited me! They were able to get into my place so easily cause my dumbass cousin probably gave them a spare key or the opportunity to make one, and now they were a room away from me!
I dug my hands into my pillow as I contemplated what to do, no matter what happened next, I knew it was gonna be a rough visit.

My partner (32f) has for the last few months (while we are also doing long distance) has been going through a period of becoming independent (just moved out of the family home due to controlling and emotional near abusive behaviour from her family) and is trying to decide if moving to Australia with me is a good idea for her. I want a house and a family, a wholesome town life, she is trying to decide if she wants to give up going out dancing till late, and the city she is in with lots of night life, and her younger friends…
She says she feels like I am creating a future for us, but it’s maybe not the future she wants, she doesn’t know what she wants… I am clear I want someone financial responsible, someone who act with maturity, someone who is willing to do the hard work to make a great life together.
She needs time off me, she needs time to think. It’s quite hard for me because she is quite cold and very disconnected from me. I feel like I’m a bit of an option to her. And it could take her until October before she makes up her mind and moves here, that’s 5 more months on the 9 month we have already done.
I want to know, how do I sort of get on with my life while keeping her as a partner? I am finding that extremely hard. How do I prepare if she decides not to come and not to be with me? Should I start dating other people without sex? (she has a male friend she sort of does a date night with once a week and sees for coffee a couple times a week, he has a partner who is also long distance… which is hard to watch when she barley talks to me and we are so disconnected)..
I feel like I need a distraction from thinking about her, or us. I want to work on myself to become the best I can be in a relationship and in life, regardless if it is with her or not.
I am currently not working to keep myself available for a maybe visit from her in July for three weeks… I feel like I have put my life on hold for her. I feel like I am wasting time, I feel stuck in like a limbo, holding pattern, and it’s not fun. What can I do about it?
Any advice is so very much appreciated.

I have an 10- 13cm transmural fibroid that now distorts the cavity. Over the last 2 years the type changed from 3-5 figo (intramural), to now 2-5 (submucosal), it’s in the right wall found in 2021 after I noticed weird bleeding from the Covid vaccine.
I have been to 5 different doctors, they all seem to interpret the mri differently.
One says I have a big uterus and I could probably get pregnant ( haven’t though, tried for 3 months, instead had late period over a week and excessive bleeding)
One says I need open surgery, The other says robotic.
Now that the fibroid is progressed from transmural to submucosal, is Hysteroscopic myomectomy an option? I’ll the doctors But my next appointment is far away.
In my early 30s, severely anemic have lost 15kg since all this started. I need to get rid of this fibroid. I had to leave work because I’m weathering away, avoiding seeing ppl cause I’m too thin and I hate the questioning on my extreme weight loss.
Hoping to get surgery this year.
TLDR: surgical options for type 2-5, 10-cm, right wall,

After i took my plan b i bled and from then i took a pregnancy every week for three weeks now and all of them turns negative. But my period is reslly late and feel bloated. Should i trust the negative or is it too early for pregnancy test. Searched on the internet and it says positive night not show o a at home test after 3 weeks.