My apologies as I am sure there is a lot of information in this Reddit, but I am very limited on time to even research. Will have one free morning before I leave and will have 4 to 5 hours. Found what would have been a good bike tour, but it required me to book a minimum of two people. It’s just me. Looking for multiple scenic places to hit in this amount of time…as a first time visitor.

i'm looking to get into Florida State film school. (The film school aspect has its own problems for such a good school) but first I'd like to know how much I need to improve to get into Florida State. (i dont think i could get in as is D:)
3.3 Unweighted GPA
1130 PSAT
Eagle Scout
Tons of work hours (im working 7 straight weeks at a summer camp this summer)
so far ~50 Service Hours (scouts)
Shooting Sports, Theatre, Chorus, Scouts, and Venturing as extracurriculars
Head of Sports for school newspapemorning show
and for what its worth president of a school club

Hunting is so painful and boring. I used to enjoy it but when i started hunting specific animals to get the legend of the east satchel. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! I spent an hour and all i got was 2 perfect deer pelts. I tried to get a badger, i soent all rdr night searching and when i finally found one it was good not perfect which is useless. The morning came and i wanted to get a buck, i spent like 30 minutes searching in places its supposed to spawn and again, nothing. I wasted an hour of my life for nothing. Any tips?

I do four lessons weekly on iTalki, two with a professional teacher at $30/hour, two with a community tutor at $12/hour. The lessons with the teacher are more involved and include homework which she corrects. The lessons with the tutor are chitchat with notes. I appreciate and like working with both.
The tutor, however, seems to be calendar challenged. Despite a 100% attendance rating and 2,000+ students, I am now on the receiving end of weekly (if not daily) outreach to push the lesson back an hour and a half, cancel the lesson altogether, cancel the next x lessons because she’ll be on vacation for a week (she tells me this the day before she’s set to leave), etc.
It would seem that she keeps her calendar wide open but then just expects to switch things around as stuff comes up. Fine every so often, but this is becoming a regular thing and I don’t get the practice I’m expecting despite scheduling months in advance. She is also very careful about telling me how to move the lesson (pick other, then technical problems, etc.) which I’m guessing is how she maintains such a stellar profile. Her calendar is always packed so I have no idea how she juggles this with multiple people.
Anybody else been in this boat? Is there a nice way of saying “so, I like working with you, but there seem to be some scheduling issues”? I’ve wasted entire mornings arriving to a lesson on time only to see her note and then have to wait around for two hours which then just pushes back my own stuff for the day.
Obviously the $30/hour professional isn’t doing this and shows up even if she’s deathly ill or whatever else is going on. One solution is to just do all 4 lessons with her weekly, but that’s a huge chunk of change. I’m just looking for some basic convo for two of the lessons, which is why a community tutor seemed like a good (and more economical) option.

i (m23) and my wife (f21) recently separated, i went out with a girl i knew, got drunk and kissed her, talked to her over text here and then for about a month before stopping a week before we got married (we dated for three months.)
BW found out those texts and i confessed to her, a year has passed, we had a baby and she started to suffer severe postpartum depression. we had been arguing a lot and i stopped working on our relationship, got along poorly with her family and had a bad attitude. her pain of that incident came back and decided she couldn’t take it so she decided to separate but said maybe later on we can try again.
i moved back home to a different state to work on myself and try to be a good man for my wife and son, we talked here and then and one day my best friend and i were hanging out, he talked to me about hinge, tinder and bumble to meet girls and/or make friends. i told him that i had no interest in dating anyone but my wife but that i guess i can see about making friends to go out as a group so i made a hinge, set preferences to anyone can text me (i’m straight) and decided to not even pursue friends on day one but forgot to delete it. someone found me and sent the profile to her. it enraged her and she said it cost me our relationship. even though we were separated and she got evidence of my lack of interest and intentions off of screenshots with my friend, she decided we were through.
we have talked since, she is even more distant than before, doesn’t say goodnight or good morning or that she loves me like she used to even though recently she said she does.
i know i’ve been immature, and want to be better for her because i really do not want to be with anyone else, what should i do or what do you recommend that has worked?
thanks for helping!

I sat in an Expedition team for over 40 minutes this morning and the leader never initiated one. And that's been roughly my experience with a good 60% of Expedition teams. 38% will do 1, and then just sit there forever and never do another one, and that blessed 2% will actually do them again and again as you'd obviously want to

I never believed in monsters, but the events of last week made me question those beliefs to a great extent.
The job seemed pretty simple at first: some people saw a strange creature in the woods and the mayor of their little no name town was willing to pay me for taking it down. He offered me 5000 dollars for shooting what was probably just a mangy bear, I’d be a fool for turning him down. Besides, he even paid me half of it in advance AND offered to lend me the keys to a private bungalow near the forest, to make my stay more comfortable. It took some time for the keys to arrive (postal services be damned), but after about a week it was time for me to head out. I packed my rifle, ammunition and some clothes and got in my truck. This would be the job of a lifetime.
When I arrived at the town, there were no signs of life. I chalked it up to it being 11 PM on a Tuesday, but even so, you’d expect at least a few lights to be on, right? Nevertheless, I continued driving until I reached my “home” for the coming few days.
The bungalow was small, it looked more like a cabin. Then again, I wasn’t here for a vacation anyways, I was here to work. As I tried unlocking the front door, I noticed it was already open. Strange, I thought to myself, but nothing unusual. It’s not like you’d have to worry about people breaking into your house in a small town in bumfuck nowhere.
Once inside, I threw my bag on the floor and plopped down onto a chair. It was a long drive, and I was tired. After grabbing a beer from my bag I began to mentally prepare for the days to come. Tomorrow, I would visit the mayor and ask for any leads of their “creature’s” whereabouts, after which I would spend the remainder of the day scouring the forest for any tracks. If my hunt wasn’t successful by then I would simply try again the day after. Easy job, easy plan and easy money. I finished my beer and decided to go to bed.
That night, I was awoken by my stomach’s inability to digest alcohol. I rushed to the bathroom while vomit started to work its way up my throat. Sadly, I was too late, and now the bathroom door was covered in beer and the half-digested sandwiches I had the day before. I cussed for a while, thinking about how stupid this whole situation was. Sure, my body had not been the same since the accident, but I never had trouble drinking before. After sitting there for a while I went searching for something to clean up my work of art. A thorough inspection of the bungalow led me to a closet, where I finally found a mop and went to town on my stomach’s content.
I was humming a little song to help lighten up my mood, but when I heard someone humming back to me from outside my whole demeanor changed. I quit cleaning immediately and snuck over to my backpack. As soon as I did that, the humming stopped and was replaced by a man’s voice.
“Sorry… Didn’t want to startle you there… Buddy!” the mysterious man said, with no discernable emotion in his voice.
I sat in silence, loading my rifle while I listened to the man outside. Sure, it was no bear, but random people hanging around your place in the middle of the night rarely spell good news. I waited for him to start speaking again, but he did not resume talking, no matter how long I sat there in silence. An hour had passed and still he had not said a word. I figured it was probably just a local drunk that found his way to the cabin, heard me hum, hummed along like a merry drunk guy would and then left because why not. Drunk guys do what drunk guys do. After coming up with this rational explanation, I went to sleep again, thinking about how weird that whole situation had been.
When I woke up in the morning my stomach pain was gone. I got out of bed, packed my stuff and headed to my truck. I noticed the scratches on the truck almost immediately. I remember thinking that it must have been that drunk guy from the night before and that I would make him pay for this if I ever saw him again. Angrily, I got in the car and drove over to the town hall. On my way there, I once again noticed the lack of people in the street. The road being empty on a Tuesday night made perfect sense, but not even one person having to drive to work on a Wednesday morning? That’s suspicious, and it should have been one of the many things that should’ve made me reconsider the job. My car needed a new paint job though, and even then, I’ve always been a stubborn bastard. As I drove, I thought I saw someone move behind a building in my rear view mirror, but I didn’t get a clear view of the person. I felt happy to see that there actually were people in this town, so I continued my drive.
When I got to the town hall the first thing I noticed was the broken window. That drunk guy must’ve vandalized more than just my truck, I thought at the moment. I got out of my car and walked up to the front door, which was open, and entered the building. Upon walking into the entrance hall I was met by a rotten smell. My vomit would’ve been all over the floor if it hadn’t been for my little adventure yesterday, that’s how bad it was. It smelled like a mixture of dead animals, fermenting plants and rotting milk. I considered turning around and leaving right then and there, but I decided to at least try to talk to the mayor, to find out what was going on. Curiosity killed the cat, I thought, but I was no cat. Stupid as I was, I didn’t bother going back to the car to get my rifle. What was the worst thing that could happen? Against better judgment, I went to search for the mayor.
When I found him, his body was lying on the floor, completely dead. He was missing an arm and his face. His torso had been ripped to shreds. His office had been completely ruined too, with random office supplies and some antique vases lying scattered on the floor, along with a picture of the mayor and his wife. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I heard a familiar voice coming from the hallway: the drunk guy from last night.
“Hey… I know you’re in here somewhere… Dude,” he said, his voice still as monotone as before.
His footsteps were heavy, growing louder with every step as he got closer and closer. Along with his footsteps, the sound of something being dragged across the floor could be heard. I even heard his breathing, heavy and labored, as he neared the mayor’s office. Suddenly, all of the sounds stopped. I knew he was right outside the door, waiting for me to make a move. I just sat there, regretting my choice of not taking my rifle with me. Then I realized something. I realized that I’m a 6’3 foot man who weighs 250 pounds and also used to be a boxer in his younger years. I got up with my fists ready to throw some punches and decided to make this man regret screwing with my car. I could hear the man scratching at the wall as I neared the door.
“Found you!” he yelled, his voice sounding more guttural than before.
I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder as my aggressor knocked me to the floor, followed by the warm sensation of blood flowing out of my wound. I remember thinking that the bastard had stabbed me.
The man jumped at me before I was able to regain my balance, forcing me to roll to the side to avoid him. That’s when I noticed that this “man” wasn’t a person at all. At the moment, all I could see was something vaguely bipedal, hunched over a bit and covered in long black fur. What I thought had been a knife were actually a set of long claws on each hand.
The creature began to turn towards me, and I took this as my sign to move. I picked up a vase that was lying next to me and threw it at the monster, hitting it straight in the head. Then I got up in an instant and booked it. As I was running, I could hear the creature following me closely behind. Its roars became more and more animalistic with each passing second, clearly enraged from my attempt to fight back. I practically jumped down the stairs, nearly breaking my legs in the process, after which I continued my sprint towards the door. Without thinking twice I just busted through the surprisingly weak door.
Once outside, I noticed more creatures coming at me in the corner of my eyes. Filled with adrenaline, I ran to my truck, got inside and started the engine. That’s when the creature from earlier came falling down in the parking space right next to me. The bastard had jumped through the first floor’s window. When it got up, I finally got a good look at the thing. The thing that I heard it drag across the floor was its tail, and the things that stabbed me and scratched my car were the massive claws on its hands. Yet the thing that got me the most, the thing that will forever haunt my dreams, was its face. Or, to put it in better words, the contorted face of a man, plastered over its head. It was the same face I saw on the mayor’s picture.
I stepped on the gas and floored it. While driving, I noticed more and more creatures started to give chase, each one wearing a different face. I drove as fast as I could until they were all out of sight and I had left the town. Even then, I did not drop my speed, probably committing multiple traffic violations as I drove. But I did not care. The stuff I saw there was way above my paygrade, and I wanted to get as far away from it as possible. I drove for hours, only stopping to tank my car.
This incident happened a few days ago. Currently, I’m still in the hospital, waiting for the wound in my shoulder to heal. The doctors say I’m lucky that I can still move my arm. Sure, I’m happy to be alive, but life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows for me. I’ve racked up more debt than the 2500 dollars can pay and as if that wasn’t enough, men in black suits have been interviewing me ever since I got here. So if you’re reading this, please just remember one thing: if some guy offers you 5000 dollars just to shoot a bear, stay away. Because there’s no way in hell those things were bears.

I never believed in monsters, but the events of last week made me question those beliefs to a great extent.
The job seemed pretty simple at first: some people saw a strange creature in the woods and the mayor of their little no name town was willing to pay me for taking it down. He offered me 5000 dollars for shooting what was probably just a mangy bear, I’d be a fool for turning him down. Besides, he even paid me half of it in advance AND offered to lend me the keys to a private bungalow near the forest, to make my stay more comfortable. It took some time for the keys to arrive (postal services be damned), but after about a week it was time for me to head out. I packed my rifle, ammunition and some clothes and got in my truck. This would be the job of a lifetime.
When I arrived at the town, there were no signs of life. I chalked it up to it being 11 PM on a Tuesday, but even so, you’d expect at least a few lights to be on, right? Nevertheless, I continued driving until I reached my “home” for the coming few days.
The bungalow was small, it looked more like a cabin. Then again, I wasn’t here for a vacation anyways, I was here to work. As I tried unlocking the front door, I noticed it was already open. Strange, I thought to myself, but nothing unusual. It’s not like you’d have to worry about people breaking into your house in a small town in bumfuck nowhere.
Once inside, I threw my bag on the floor and plopped down onto a chair. It was a long drive, and I was tired. After grabbing a beer from my bag I began to mentally prepare for the days to come. Tomorrow, I would visit the mayor and ask for any leads of their “creature’s” whereabouts, after which I would spend the remainder of the day scouring the forest for any tracks. If my hunt wasn’t successful by then I would simply try again the day after. Easy job, easy plan and easy money. I finished my beer and decided to go to bed.
That night, I was awoken by my stomach’s inability to digest alcohol. I rushed to the bathroom while vomit started to work its way up my throat. Sadly, I was too late, and now the bathroom door was covered in beer and the half-digested sandwiches I had the day before. I cussed for a while, thinking about how stupid this whole situation was. Sure, my body had not been the same since the accident, but I never had trouble drinking before. After sitting there for a while I went searching for something to clean up my work of art. A thorough inspection of the bungalow led me to a closet, where I finally found a mop and went to town on my stomach’s content.
I was humming a little song to help lighten up my mood, but when I heard someone humming back to me from outside my whole demeanor changed. I quit cleaning immediately and snuck over to my backpack. As soon as I did that, the humming stopped and was replaced by a man’s voice.
“Sorry… Didn’t want to startle you there… Buddy!” the mysterious man said, with no discernable emotion in his voice.
I sat in silence, loading my rifle while I listened to the man outside. Sure, it was no bear, but random people hanging around your place in the middle of the night rarely spell good news. I waited for him to start speaking again, but he did not resume talking, no matter how long I sat there in silence. An hour had passed and still he had not said a word. I figured it was probably just a local drunk that found his way to the cabin, heard me hum, hummed along like a merry drunk guy would and then left because why not. Drunk guys do what drunk guys do. After coming up with this rational explanation, I went to sleep again, thinking about how weird that whole situation had been.
When I woke up in the morning my stomach pain was gone. I got out of bed, packed my stuff and headed to my truck. I noticed the scratches on the truck almost immediately. I remember thinking that it must have been that drunk guy from the night before and that I would make him pay for this if I ever saw him again. Angrily, I got in the car and drove over to the town hall. On my way there, I once again noticed the lack of people in the street. The road being empty on a Tuesday night made perfect sense, but not even one person having to drive to work on a Wednesday morning? That’s suspicious, and it should have been one of the many things that should’ve made me reconsider the job. My car needed a new paint job though, and even then, I’ve always been a stubborn bastard. As I drove, I thought I saw someone move behind a building in my rear view mirror, but I didn’t get a clear view of the person. I felt happy to see that there actually were people in this town, so I continued my drive.
When I got to the town hall the first thing I noticed was the broken window. That drunk guy must’ve vandalized more than just my truck, I thought at the moment. I got out of my car and walked up to the front door, which was open, and entered the building. Upon walking into the entrance hall I was met by a rotten smell. My vomit would’ve been all over the floor if it hadn’t been for my little adventure yesterday, that’s how bad it was. It smelled like a mixture of dead animals, fermenting plants and rotting milk. I considered turning around and leaving right then and there, but I decided to at least try to talk to the mayor, to find out what was going on. Curiosity killed the cat, I thought, but I was no cat. Stupid as I was, I didn’t bother going back to the car to get my rifle. What was the worst thing that could happen? Against better judgment, I went to search for the mayor.
When I found him, his body was lying on the floor, completely dead. He was missing an arm and his face. His torso had been ripped to shreds. His office had been completely ruined too, with random office supplies and some antique vases lying scattered on the floor, along with a picture of the mayor and his wife. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I heard a familiar voice coming from the hallway: the drunk guy from last night.
“Hey… I know you’re in here somewhere… Dude,” he said, his voice still as monotone as before.
His footsteps were heavy, growing louder with every step as he got closer and closer. Along with his footsteps, the sound of something being dragged across the floor could be heard. I even heard his breathing, heavy and labored, as he neared the mayor’s office. Suddenly, all of the sounds stopped. I knew he was right outside the door, waiting for me to make a move. I just sat there, regretting my choice of not taking my rifle with me. Then I realized something. I realized that I’m a 6’3 foot man who weighs 250 pounds and also used to be a boxer in his younger years. I got up with my fists ready to throw some punches and decided to make this man regret screwing with my car. I could hear the man scratching at the wall as I neared the door.
“Found you!” he yelled, his voice sounding more guttural than before.
I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder as my aggressor knocked me to the floor, followed by the warm sensation of blood flowing out of my wound. I remember thinking that the bastard had stabbed me.
The man jumped at me before I was able to regain my balance, forcing me to roll to the side to avoid him. That’s when I noticed that this “man” wasn’t a person at all. At the moment, all I could see was something vaguely bipedal, hunched over a bit and covered in long black fur. What I thought had been a knife were actually a set of long claws on each hand.
The creature began to turn towards me, and I took this as my sign to move. I picked up a vase that was lying next to me and threw it at the monster, hitting it straight in the head. Then I got up in an instant and booked it. As I was running, I could hear the creature following me closely behind. Its roars became more and more animalistic with each passing second, clearly enraged from my attempt to fight back. I practically jumped down the stairs, nearly breaking my legs in the process, after which I continued my sprint towards the door. Without thinking twice I just busted through the surprisingly weak door.
Once outside, I noticed more creatures coming at me in the corner of my eyes. Filled with adrenaline, I ran to my truck, got inside and started the engine. That’s when the creature from earlier came falling down in the parking space right next to me. The bastard had jumped through the first floor’s window. When it got up, I finally got a good look at the thing. The thing that I heard it drag across the floor was its tail, and the things that stabbed me and scratched my car were the massive claws on its hands. Yet the thing that got me the most, the thing that will forever haunt my dreams, was its face. Or, to put it in better words, the contorted face of a man, plastered over its head. It was the same face I saw on the mayor’s picture.
I stepped on the gas and floored it. While driving, I noticed more and more creatures started to give chase, each one wearing a different face. I drove as fast as I could until they were all out of sight and I had left the town. Even then, I did not drop my speed, probably committing multiple traffic violations as I drove. But I did not care. The stuff I saw there was way above my paygrade, and I wanted to get as far away from it as possible. I drove for hours, only stopping to tank my car.
This incident happened a few days ago. Currently, I’m still in the hospital, waiting for the wound in my shoulder to heal. The doctors say I’m lucky that I can still move my arm. Sure, I’m happy to be alive, but life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows for me. I’ve racked up more debt than the 2500 dollars can pay and as if that wasn’t enough, men in black suits have been interviewing me ever since I got here. So if you’re reading this, please just remember one thing: if some guy offers you 5000 dollars just to shoot a bear, stay away. Because there’s no way in hell those things were bears.

I (22M) meet my current GF (22F) in South America when I went to visit for a month. Keep in mind, her only language she knows is Spanish. Our parent’s knew each other when they were just kids and knew my gf since we were 12 and visited recently in 2023 and we hit it off. She was in a previous relationship that last with her ex (22M) for 5+ years. We rushed into a relationship super fast and been doing long distance since I had to go back to work in the States. It’s been hard and we have been together for 6 months already.
The problem started a few months ago when she told me her ex has messaged her. I was already uncomfortable with this but wanted to hear the reason. The ex’s mother is having health issues that could be deadly and wanted someone to talk to and for help. I understand the reason on why she has contact with her ex since his family is basically her family for many years before me. I asked her if there was anything going on between them. She replied that she appreciates her ex a lot for her growth so that why she hasn’t blocked him. I asked this question 2 other times during of the course of a few months. A month ago, I was setting up my old iPhone for her so she can have a new phone. I asked for her information so I can set it up and add her on my plan since she can’t afford unlimited data I was gonna provide that for her so we can always be in touch.(we use WhatsApp to communicate) Once I put her account on it, I saw a photo of her ex and her sharing a drink with two straws like a couple for his birthday. She notified me that she was hanging out with her ex but I hand no idea that they were sharing a drink like that. I told her what I saw and she was a little upset that I went in her photos and I do take fault in that I shouldn’t have looked into it. Well recently I felt like she was being cold to me and being distance. For information she is currently in college. I understand that she is unable to answer her phone all the time but it wasn’t just that. There was no good morning or good night and other affectionate things that was being said. So again, I take fault in this, I looked in her photos for the second time since setting up her phone. I saw a video that looked like she was in bed with him and this was month ago. She explained to me that she went there after I was busy with work for her ex to help her on English homework. We got into an argument about and she brought up on why I was looking into her photos. And yes, I told her that was wrong but now she thinks dating me was a mistake. I let her know that being friends with an ex is complicated especially when it’s long distance. This happened yesterday, I need advice on what I should say or do to stop her from thinking about breaking up because I truly don’t want to lose her. Any advice?

First off, I’m a chronic over thinker. However, I suspect my Gf is cheating. She’s the love of my life. I met her after ending a 6 yr relationship and she seemed to make my world brighter again. Nowadays, not so much. We don’t live together but I’m trying to figure out if she’s cheating. She’s been having second thoughts about us and has brought up us being friends but never told me what her decision was. The other night, I asked to come over and she agreed. In my opinion, we had a great time. We laughed and talked. Had dinner. Usual shit. I asked for a kiss not long after I got there, she agreed. I asked if she wanted to talk about our relationship and she said “let’s see just see how tonight goes” (she hates talking about relationship issues lol) We cuddled and ended up sleeping together. While in bed she told me she loves me multiple times. I mentioned leaving for the night multiple times and she asked me to stay…”noooo, I don’t want you to leave” is what she said word for word. She even asked me to stay the night, which I didn’t do (she knows I have obligations at home.) I wake up this morning and sent her a good morning text. Asking to take her out, maybe take her child to the park. Only to receive messages about how I didn’t respect her boundaries (which were never discussed. She said she was thinking we might be better as friends. Never vocalized a decision) and I need to give her space. She mentioned the kiss I asked for wasn’t respecting her boundaries. Yet she was the one who initiated a lot of the sensual moments other than the first kiss when I arrived. I’m very confused and need help. I love her but this back and forth is killing me. Never thought I’d spy but I don’t want to break up with her when she could be having a tough time mentally and not talking about it. She hates talking about feelings in general. Ive asked if anything else is going on and she always says no. Any advice to deal with this would be much appreciated. Also, is there any apps or sites I can use to track her messages or give me some answers without having her devices in my hand?

I currently wash my hair about every other morning. My hair is naturally dark brown with blonde and caramel highlights, and straight as a pin. It’s also fine and without daily usage of dry shampoo, it will look greasy af by the second morning after washing it.
I started using the Honey I Washed the kids shampoo bar this week, and I think it’s been a good shampoo for my hair type so far. I’ve read that LUSH shampoos can be pretty stripping and drying, so I’ve only used it twice so far and both times I also followed it up with Redken Extreme conditioner and Redken Extreme anti-snap leave in conditioner to make sure my hair wouldn’t get too dry. I also opted to use Redken Extreme shampoo when I washed it on Saturday to give my hair a break in case it was too much.
I guess now I’m just trying to see if there’s any other LUSH shampoos or conditioners I should consider using, or if I should stick with just the Honey I Wash the Kids shampoo bar and Redken Extreme conditioners. I do have a sample of the Power conditioner, so I was thinking about giving that a try with the shampoo bar when I go to wash my hair this Tuesday.

I'm an incoming freshman, and I forgot to sign up for SOAR until just recently, so my SOAR date will be early August. Do you think this is too late of a date to get good non-morning classes? I want to at least get classes in biology and calculus. Will I at least be able to get that, or am I entirely screwed?

It’s like the astringent, bitter grain of a cold cup of black coffee in the morning, between your teeth and tongue.
It’s like the rough stubble of sandpaper, skidding and gripping to the surface of a piece of plastic. Haphazardly ripping and shredding into channels of curled mangled polymers. Leaving the surface rougher than before.
It’s like the hard bite of the winter wind desperately clawing at the gaps between your belt and shirt. Grasping the back of your neck. Sucking the heat from your exposed cheeks.
A memory from two-ish years ago flashes through my mind as I wake up. I haven’t seen you in a while. It’s good to catch up. I kneel down to tie my boot in the crowded, dimly lit walkway. I look up at you to catch your eyes mid-sentence, and you freeze. Your words catching in your throat like a cough. In the half second processing delay - your eyes flash from hurt, to anger, hunger, pleading, to social awareness.
After a second of confusion on my part, my close proximity vantage point from below your belt line becomes apparent. I stand up quickly, brush off my knee and mentally reprimand my situationally inappropriate imagination. You disappear into the crowd and seem to be avoiding me.
It's like prodding the firmness of a perfectly ripe looking fruit in the grocery store, and your finger slips right into its rotten core.
What a way to wake up, huh? I remember you avoiding me for a while after that. A cold spell preceding an increasingly rare opportunity to hear your candid honesty. Followed by another, much longer cold spell.
We never did nail the timing thing. Hilariously bad, in my opinion.
It’s like the sun has set and you’re the last person on the bus home. Someone used to give you a lift.
My therapist says I should stop indulging these feelings if I can’t find real closure. We’ve back and forthed about it enough, that I think she understands my impasse. Morally, emotionally - but we both agree, I think, that I should stop indulging these feelings if I can’t find real closure. At this point it’s needlessly picking my scabs and the stinging is unbearable.
Allow me to apologise for my role, please? I need to offload this feeling. I have no right to bear my guilt to you and beg your forgiveness. However, I have a suspicious inkling that you may want to hear it. You may even find the context healing. You can tell me to get lost after that - I suspect you won’t
But I’ll risk it anyway. Please just give me one right time.

So netong Friday lang, me (F) and my friends were supposed to go out na museum date ganun. There were originally 6 of us na pupunta, but last minute nag cancel yung apat so isa nalang natira. And itong isang to, he was an ex-crush of mine back when we were in SHS. Aware naman siyang naging ex-crush ko siya HAHAHAHAAH kasi I confessed to him around 2020 pero dahil friends naman kami even before ako nagkacrush sakanya, it became awkward man for a short while pero di siya naka-bother kumbaga sa friendship namin.
Anyway, balik sa gala, so kaming dalawa lang yung natuloy, and first after four years to na kumbaga, kaming dalawa lang uli gumala together, pero instead na museum pinuntahan namin, nag BGC nalang kami kasi nag aya siya na photoshoot nalang daw HAHAHAHA
Edi ayun, while we were there, it was really fun, and he's the type of guy kasi na ang hilig makipag deep talks, and since we walked around a lot, nakapag catch up kami with a lot of things. Then around 9:30 pm, nag aya siya na sponty inom daw. Mag bar daw kami ganun, eh napaka kaladkarin ko kasing tao kaya edi go HAAHAHAHAH
So ayun, while we were there at dahil marami siyang pera, naghati kami sa iisang bote ng Cuervo para masulit HAHAHAHAHA and we're celebrating lang din talaga since parehas mga thesis defended yarn. Pero all throughout the evening, medyo iba na rin makatingin ang bwiset, na di ko malaman kung ano bang nais. like em having some intrusive thoughts na that time na mag make ng move pero kasi HAHAHAHAH BAKA AFTER NAMAN NG GABING YUN, DI NANAMAN KAMI MAG USAP ULI. pero I have some self control naman kaya chill lang.
Then mga bandang 1 am ganon, since siya yung mas extroverted saming dalawa, he started befriending yung mga katabi namin. Then one of the girls dun sa kabilang table said "we actually want to ask for your consent earlier kung pwede namin kayo i-vid kasi you look so sweet together. Gaano katagal na kayo?". At that point medyo nagkatinginan kami and nagpapatagalan kami na ewan sumagot HAHAHAHAAH so sinabi ko nalang na "ay di po, we're good friends lang". Tapos tong other girls pa sa table na yun nagdagdag pa ng "sayang, ang cute niyo pa naman" pero siyempre, forda segway nalang ako ng ibang topic kasi ang tagal tagal niyang sagutin. Pero ayun, may mga kasama rin kasing mga guys yung nasa kabilang table na yun, and one of them were trying to make a move na ganun. Eh medyo hilo na ko that time but still conscious naman HAAHAHAH he held my hand that time na talagang pang-jowa holding hands, na medyo kinainisan ko, sabi ko sakanya "kaya walang lumalapit eh, bakod na bakod ka masyado", sinagot niya nalang ako na "iba na rin kasi hilo mo, I'm just looking out for you lang din."
So fast forward, lumabas kami ng bar kasi nahilo na ng tuluyan ang ate niyo HAHAHAHA tapos habang yakap yakap niya ko dun kasi nagpapa-sober up nalang talaga ako dun, after an hour siya naman tong nahilo hilo't nagsuka HAHAHAHAHAH NAKAKAINIS. Eh parehas pa kaming may mga klase sa morning that time kaya with all my power (and with the help ng mga iba dun sa bar, thank God), nag-grab nalang kami pabalik ng dorm ko kasi di niya na rin keri umuwi.
To add to that, habang nasa biyahe kami, ibang level of lamig yung car tapos parehas pa naman kaming hilo hilo na talaga sa likod, tapos tanungan pa ni kuyang driver, "lasing na lasing po asawa niyo ma'am ha", at that point, nananakit na nga ulo ko kaya sabi ko kay kuya "ay di po kuya, kaibigan lang po. grabe kayo, di pa nga po nakakagraduate, pinag asawa niyo na hahaha" tapos dumaldal pa si kuya na sa ganto raw kasi sila nagsimula ng asawa niya pero di ko na rin napakinggan ng matino kasi di na maprocess ng utak ko yung hilo HHHAHAHAHAH
So pagkarating ng dorm, akbay akbay ko siya kasi mas hilo na talaga siya sakin at that point, and nung nakarating dorm, edi I laid him down sa sofa, eh nagkatinginan na ang landi pa rin ng bwisit para i-push back yung hair ko like KSKSKSSKSKSKSK tapos sabi pa ng bwisit "cuddle tayooo", sabi ko nalang sakanya "ayoko, amoy suka ka, sira". Mga after nun, I just went ahead na palitan damit niya (pang-itaas lang aba), then gave him some meds para mawala hilo niya. And nung I'm all setup for bed na, nanghihingi siya hugs kasi sama raw pakiramdam niya, edi sige, mga 30 mins kaming magkayakapan dun na naabutan pa kami ng roommate ko HAHAHAHAH pero after that, may another sofa pa kasi samin, so dun nalang ako nahiga para kahit papano may kasama siya.
Morning came, tapos medyo sober na kami and buti nalang parehas kami nakareceive notif sa mga class gc namin na malelate daw mga prof namin HHHAAHAHA pero ayun, he said lang na uwi na raw siya, and medyo nagsosorry siya kasi alam niyang ibang level of wasted version of him ang nakita ko HAHAHAHAH edi ayun, he booked for a grab para uwi raw muna siya sakanila then saka siya pupunta school. Nung pagkababa namin ng condo, he hugged me bago umalis and said, "next time uli?" with a smirk, and I just nodded.
So ayun, it was a really nice evening kasi akala ko di na kami makakauwi HAHAHAHAHA DEFINITELY A CORE MEMORY, pero ewan ko ba kung mixed signals or delulu lang talaga ako sa pinaggagagawa netong friend ko, eh medj marupok pa naman ng slight ang ate niyo HAHAHAHAH anyway, just wanted to share this for fun lang din