Sewing owl

I have nothing to do at the moment (and all day), so I'll post a list of whether you should fight, shoot or run from certain enemies (only enemies that can be shot in the overworld are included).
This is based on my opinion after my runs, so it might be biased/suboptimal.

• Early enemies (Moonscorched villagers, ghouls, headless hounds, riflemen):

Run in early game (no good equipment). If you have average equipment or a party member, it's better to fight them for loot & heads (except the hounds). Shooting is generally a waste of bullets.

• Weaker enemies (Fecal Hounds & Fallen Cherubs):

Always shoot (1 pistol shot), easy way to get heads. Fighting is not worth it. Running is ok.

• Half Cocooneds + Pillarmen:

Both enemies have obvious weaknesses in battle, making it very easy, and a charge attack outside of battle (although they're different). It's better to fight them in all scenarios, although running is also good when dealing with Pillarmen. I wouldn't recommend running against Half Cocooneds, as their charge can catch you off guard with a coin flip attack. Shooting is a waste.

• Inquisitors + Crimson Fathers:

I'd recommend running from both if you're playing without a party member. Their loot isn't good, and they have some pretty strong attacks (black smog & mind control, respectively). If killing is a necessity, I think shooting them is better (rifle or shotgun) than fighting.

• Decrepit priests:

It's better to avoid them if you don't have party members. You can also shoot them if you want to play it safe, as they have good loot. You should only fight while having extra turns or party members, to guarantee a win (coin flips are scary).

• Neighbors and Beekeepers:

Never worth the fight if you're solo without extra turns, due to their high damage output and health. Running is the optimal strategy. With extra turns or a good party member, you can fight them (still not worth it though). Shooting is a waste of bullets.

• Rat hags, Soldier and Levi (doppelganger):

They all have low HP, soldier and Levi have good loot. I'd say it's better to fight them. Shooting is also viable, but due to their low HP killing in battle is pretty quick. Running is ok too.

• Ronteals:

Risky fight without limb protection. If possible, avoid entirely until you get Salmonsnake rune. Shooting them is ok, but with adequate protection + extra turn, fighting is better.

• Bobbies:

They die to 4 pistol shots, so in a solo run, it might be worth it to kill them this way. With a party, Persuade skill or extra turns it's better to fight than shoot. In general, it's good to avoid them entirely.

• Sew jobs:

0 reason to kill them. The fight is not an easy one, so it's better to run.

• Owl cultists and Bellends:

The fights are completely different, but avoiding them is quite easy. They might have some ok loot though, so I'd recommend fighting them in late game (good weapons + party member), rather than running.

• Death masks:

NEVER WORTH IT. If you've triggered one, just leave as fast as possible, it's not worth the risk. If you have warding sigil/bear traps and enough ammo, you can just shoot them down. Again, never fight them.

• Elite troopers and Flame troopers:

Shooting them is the simpler way. Fighting is generally fine with Salmonsnake Rune, although it can be tough. Due to flame troopers attack outside of battle, I recommend shooting them from a distance.
Unique enemies now:

• Woodsman:

Running is the best strategy for early game. With limb protection or a party member, it's worth to fight him, to access the basement and it's loot. Shooting is not bad either, but it's better to save bullets for harder fights.

• Vile:

You can beat him by talking, although it isn't a guaranteed win, so I'd recommend fighting him. Running is pretty good too. Shooting is the same case as the woodsman.

• Chaugnar:

The fight is always dangerous, so I wouldn't recommend it. It's much simpler to either run or shoot it. In my opinion, the optimal strategy is to shoot, as it gets stuck on doorways, and the skills you get are more than worth it.

• Needles and Stitches:

Both dangerous fights in a solo run, due to incapacitating attacks (Needles is much stronger though). Shooting them is not good, as it consumes a lot of ammo. I'd say it's better to get items like murky vials and pipe bombs for these specific fights. In general, I'd say it's good to avoid them, although Needles can be very annoying.

• Centaur:

Just run away, it's not worth to fight it. If you want to kill him, it's better to use warding sigils, or just some good juking tactics, and shoot it. I've only ever managed to beat it with a full party in a fight, all with good gear.

• Living flesh:

Avoid entirely. No reason to kill it, even though the fight isn't hard (after Stitches is dead).

• The Mob:

Very hard fight. Only fight them if you have Wrench toss (or Abella's in your party), and some good gear with limb loss protection. Shooting them is fine, and can be done using warding sigil or some strategically placed dead fecal hounds. In general, I think it's better to just run and avoid this fight (moving through the sewers is good for this).

• Father Hugo:

You can just ignore him completely. If you do want to kill him for loot, I'd say it's better to shoot him, to avoid stuff getting burned. Otherwise, you can fight him normally, but it's better to have a party member and good gear.

• Giant:

Never fought him to be honest, I've always shot him. If anyone can give insight on this one, please do so. Otherwise, it's good to avoid him.

• Judgement:

Also only killed him outside of battle. I've read in the wiki he can inflict blindness though, so there's that. If not going for ending B, just run.

• Mastermind:

It's good to avoid him. If going for ending B, never shoot him, soul is bugged apparently. Only fight him with limb protection (Salmonsnake Rune).

• Mechanical dance:

Avoid if not going for ending B. Otherwise, you can kill it by using limb protection and having other solid gear, or a decent party. Shooting it is also not bad, as you'll probably have some ammo to spare at this point of the game.
So, that's it. Comment anything you think it's wrong with this post, or any better strategies.

About 3 years ago my partner and I got a cat. He had been an indoor and outdoor cat in the city but the person who had him could no longer keep him and asked us to take him, and my partner said yes. My partner also agreed to be the one to take him to the vet and clean his litter box since I am allergic to cats. (I am allergic to a LOT so I take allergy meds 2x a day already.)
We live in a very rural, woodsy area with lots of predators and I did not want him to continue being an outdoor cat. I work at it to try and keep him inside. We also have a dog and when the dog was being let out, the cat would run under her legs and go out. Lately, the cat has been very good about not sneaking out, but my partner frequently leaves the door wide open while the dog is out so that she can come back in on her own. I don’t like this since the cat runs out while the door is open.
Two days ago, my partner and I had a serious conversation about them leaving the door open so the cat gets out. They seemed to understand and said they would not leave the door open like that anymore.
Last night, they left the door open again while the dog was out and I let my frustration be heard in my voice when I asked them why they couldn't seem to shut the door. They then *promised* they would start shutting the door.
This morning, I was getting out of the shower when I heard the cat meowing outside. I went downstairs to let him in and I was angry. I texted my partner, who was at work, and I told them that I would not forgive them if something happened to the cat and that I couldn't understand why it was so difficult to shut the door when the dog goes out and open it again when she comes to the door to be let back in. There was no name calling or anything similarly disrespectful.
My partner came back at me, angry with me for "assuming" and said that they let the cat out on purpose because the cat was sitting and staring at the door and that I "ruined the day" by being angry at them first thing in the morning. I said the only reason I assumed was because of historical precedence, as recently as *last night* and that they're turning things around by expecting me to apologize for being upset about the cat being outside, yet again.
My partner is now home from work and we are in separate rooms of the house, not speaking, because *I* should be the one to apologize.
Edited to add that my partner often says they hate the cat and hopes it doesn't come home one day. This cat is no bother to anyone. He's very quiet and not bothersome at all. Due to my partner's feelings on the cat, I feel strongly that the door being left open is intentional.
So, tell me, am I the asshole?
Edited to update: The day after I posted this, I told my husband that I was going to look into rehoming the cat since he hates her so much. I don't want to find her dead because she was hit by a car or have her go missing because a coyote or owl took off with her. He was shocked and said he didn't hate the cat, but I responded that he has told me many times that he hates her. He said he hates cleaning her litter box and she's a pain when she "yells" (meows) when we're 2 minutes late feeding her. I asked if those were the only reasons he hates her and he said he didn't hate her, just those things.
I said, "I see. So, basically, she's the red-headed stepchild and the dog (who we'll call Pooch here) is the bio child. The stepchild gets in trouble for the most minor infractions, while the bio child can do whatever she wants with no problem, right?"
"No! That's not true. Pooch gets in trouble when she's naughty."
"But how is Kitty 'naughty' when she uses her litter box. Pooch has shit and pissed on the floor, more than once, but you've never said you hated her. We have to regularly clean up Pooch's messes in the yard and for that we have to use a shovel, not a little scoop. Still, you don't say you hate her. Sure Kitty yells at us when she's hungry, but Pooch pushes her bowl so it scrapes across the floor (sounds like nails on a chalkboard) and barks at us when she's hungry, needs water, or wants to go out. Never once have you ever said you hate Pooch for those things. We are also cleaning up dog hair and dog slobber constantly, but we never have to clean up hair or drool from the cat."
At this point he just kind of sat there for a minute, then said that he had no defense, that I was right, he was being unfair to the cat, when the dog was definitely worse. He said that he had just never been a cat person and that he always considered cats more like employees than pets. He said he only said he'd take the cat because we have mice in our 150 year old farmhouse and he hoped she'd help with that. Which, he admitted, she does. (She is a very good mouser.) He said he doesn't want to get rid of her and that he will make sure he shuts the door when the dog is outside. (His reasoning for leaving it open was so the dog could come back in herself. I countered that he still had to go back and shut the door, so there was no time or effort saving with leaving it open. In fact, when it's windy and the storm door blows all the way open, he actually has to go outside to reach the door handle and pull it shut again. If he shut it in the first place, he wouldn't have to do that. He agreed.
It's been nearly a week since our talk and he has been shutting the door each time he lets the dog out. Last night we found a dead mouse that she left as a gift by my sewing machine and this morning I heard him talking to the cat, telling her that she's an employee and she needs to focus on her job and stop raising her voice to him when she wants something. "I won't accept that from human employees, so I won't accept it from you." So we'll see how this goes.

Hello! First things first: Thanks for taking the time off your day/night to read this!
Second things second: Want a new friend to talk to? Well, look no further! Lets go through a few things.
Pros! (I think lmao)
-I am a massive nerd. Can talk about any kind of media/art. I lovee everything from boardgames to anime. Pretty much anything goes! Even though i prefer dark/depressing stories/settings (My absolute favourite piece of media is Disco Elysium).

• Im not offended by anything. I love when people speak their mind and are honest.
• Can talk about more difficult things, like mental health problems/struggles.
  
• I love when people are themselves, have their own things and are not afraid to wear their hearts on their sleeves.
  

-Love to hear about peoples hobbies/passions.

• I am a night owl (as the title says), you absolutely will not catch me being asleep before ~0500 and awake before ~1200.

Cons!
-my humour is beyond broken.
-i am a night owl.
-can be kind of "high maintenance"
-will talk your ear off about things i am passionate about. Will not sew said ear back.
Hope to hear from you! -L

Hi everyone, I'm Leni (22F) from Germany.
I will be working and living in Göteborg for three months later this year and am trying to learn at least a little Swedish to understand everyday phrases and do some small talk, but of course I'm trying to learn as much as I can.
I have been learning Swedish on duolingo for a few months, so I know some vocabulary and a little grammar, but have never spoken any Swedish.
I'm open to texting on WhatsApp, Telegram or Discord and also talking on Discord when we both have time.
A little about me: I work as a laboratory technician at an animal research lab. (in case that sounds weird, we don't have any live animals in our lab xD)
I enjoy games (video games, boardgames and PnP), reading, singing, sewing, watching movies and TV shows, swimming and cooking (also happy to trade recipes :))
I'm a big Pokémon fan (currently playing an entrance randomizer of SoulSilver) and I collect Pokémon plushies. Other games I like include: WoW, Destiny 2, Slime Rancher, Power Wash Simulator, Vampire Survivors, Ori and the Blind Forest, Civilization 6, Monster Sanctuary and many more.
My favorite movies are Vaiana/Moana, My Neighbor Totoro and The Prince of Egypt. My favorite shows are Gravity Falls, The Dragon Prince, Avatar the Last Airbender and The Owl House.
If you're interested, message me! :)

my name is maeve, but you can call me mae if you like. i’m autistic and it’s hard for me to make friends, especially ones who will stick around. i love to learn about people. i wanna know why your smile is crooked, what happened that one summer, your favorite bands and music, why you wince when you hear the sound of glass shattering, or who you were before life got you.
i’m disabled and cannot have a job due to it. i have lupus and my doctors are trying to figure out if i have MS, EDS, or POTS. i just want people to talk to. i’m a night owl, going to bed around 5 in the morning NY time. my love language is taking care of people. i have been through A LOT, so there’s always something i can tell you a story of for entertainment.
i do digital artwork, i love to paint, play fortnite, watch cartoons, and have deep conversations. i’m a bit clingy and my medicine makes me sleepy sometimes, so i’ll fall asleep sitting up. i love coraline, hazbin hotel, helluva boss, monkey bone, and so so many more. i like to sew, crochet, bake, garden, and play games. i love music, i can’t go a minute without it. i’m not very good at being a casual friend. i wanna know YOU and how you became you. i love hard and i’ll do anything for my loved ones. just tell me your boundaries and i’ll stick to them.
i have a lovely girlfriend who i love very very much and we’ve been together for 9 years. i’m not looking for a partner. just a friend who’s a silly little guy/gremlin like me. i’m trying to find my people, the people who want to talk to me and want to be around me.
is it you?

Okay, take two three!
Hi all! My name is Bea/Bee whichever you’d prefer. I’m thirty years old and I live in the southern United States.
This isn’t my first rodeo in penpal-ing, I’m trying to get back in the ring. I just opened a P.O. box and I'm itching to use it.
I have the most fun with snail mail, but understand that not everyone wants to jump to that right away, so email is fine!
So – some more about myself? (How do I sum that up in 500 words???)
I currently work as a banker and it’s kinda funny because I dislike math and working with numbers. But, it’s taught me a lot about myself and how to manage people a lot more efficiently. Which is something I’m pretty thankful for!
I like to think of myself as an artsy and creative person but I have ADHD so I have at least 50 unfinished projects just floating around. I like to teach myself new artforms all the time. Currently crocheting. Other things I like to make are embroidery pieces, paintings, sewing projects, and vinyl decals. I would be down to trade art pieces after some conversation! I can’t promise master artisanal levels of work but at least you can say your penpal made it for you.
Quite often you can find me with my nose in a book – I love reading horror and thrillers. However, I will give about anything a read at least once. I never knew I liked romance books until recently. I’d love to swap book recs or even do some buddy reading! I’m currently rereading Salem's Lot, which is probably my favorite King work. Something I’ve been wanting to dip my toes into is fantasy but I often feel quite lost when it comes to it so if you’re a fantasy reader… let me know what’s good!
When my nose isn’t in a book my eyes are often glued to the television or computer screen either watching something or playing video games. My interests don’t vary too much here either. I’m a horror buff. But, I do enjoy things like anime and k-dramas! Buddy watching stuff together may be fun too. I’m still trying to get myself to branch out more and try new things that I may not typically watch.
Adjacently, I got to a lot of conventions and even cosplay somewhat.
I’m a bit of a night owl, so I’m often up at very odd hours. I love being up late when it’s quiet and most everyone else is asleep. It’s so peaceful.
I recently adopted a cat that I love very, very much. I’m constantly taking photos of her and I’d be so happy to share! She’s always doing something silly that makes for a great photo.
Trying to think of other random things I enjoy that are worth notating here…? I’m at a loss!
If any of that sounds interesting to you, please let me know! I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

SPOILERS FOR SCATTER.
To all who have read SCATTER and have had questions- here are all the themes, Easter Eggs and symbology that's featured through out the book. Thanks for reading!! If you have any more questions, please ask away!
... ... ... ... ... ...
The man who jumps off the 7th floor. The 7 floors represent the stages of grief, the man jumps because he couldn't reach "acceptance"
The cafe- smell
The bar- taste
The boutique- sight
The buffet- hearing
The massage parlor- touch
Russell never gets a massage, it's symbolic of his lack of touch that happens after a spouses death (or if you go a long time without a partner). He's touch starved.
Things that spin-
The lathe, the slot machine, the ballerina in the music box, the cd in the cd player at work that drives Lauren to quit, the cake mixer, (there's others). I wanted the book to feel dizzying.
All of his dreams were not dreams. They were all really happening because the casino is alive and demonic in nature. This shows when the dream elements start leaking out into the real world (the slice of black forest cake, The Swindlers knowledge of the dead baby, the bucket of blood). In fact, he's not imagining anything, everything in the book is really happening and in the end, he really does get pulled back into the casino resorts basement. It's up to the readers interpretation, but canonically, this is not an "it was all a dream" kind of book. I was trying to subvert that trope by making you think that's where it was going after he leaves the resort and talks with the therapist. Everything seems okay (aside from his weirdly aged home) until the last chapter.
The Swindler represents Stolas (the owl demon in the Ars Goetia). The Lucky Owl map is in the shape of the sigil of Stolas. There are numerous references of stars (astronomy), plants and precious stones in SCATTER. These are all things that Stolas is knowledgeable about. When I heard about Helluva Boss (which features Stolas as one of the characters) I almost stopped writing SCATTER because I didn't want anyone to think I was copying the cartoon, haha.
The very first phone conversation he has with his mom, she said that experiences make better gifts than objects. An object (the necklace) is what takes Lauren out. Also, the Cafe redneck buys his mom a necklace, but he wraps it in a box...if Lauren's gift was wrapped, would she have left it alone until after her shift?
The cover of the book is the suicidal man's cracked open head in the snow after he jumps.
When The Swindler sews Lauren up and she's not quite right... it symbolizes when a loved one has been dead a long time and you can't remember how they were anymore.
The baby in the hot car represents him wanting to go back to save Lauren but not being able to. The event has already happened, there's nothing you can do.
The catacombs represent the backrooms, but they're never called the backrooms because I didn't want to be derivative.
And then the most obvious one- chapter 22 is called Bust because if you go over 21 in blackjack, you lose the game. If you stop reading the book at chapter 21 it actually has a nice ending- he's going to therapy and is starting to feel okay.
...
The goliath vs. the underdog fighting in the casino lobby- drunk from the bar (taste) and the underdog loses his teeth.
The lady in the elevator- blinded from the boutique, she mentions seeing silk so bright it blinded her. (sight)
The Cafe redneck, says he has a cold and can't smell anymore then goes missing. (smell)
The warped skin janitor in the catacombs. (touch)
Russell at the buffet, the music is so loud it's deafening and he loses his hearing in the end, thinking at first that it's just tinnitus. (hearing)
...
The rock that falls at the end is the same rock he dropped in the hole when he was in the catacombs the first time around. it first appears in the artwork on the bar wall, where a ragged owl is clutching a gray rock. The rock symbolizes the boulder that Sisyphus pushes up the hill.
In Sacrament, it says that a scientist will feed a rat until he gets bored, and then the scientist will drown him. A few chapters later, The Swindler drowns (it's me, I'm the scientist, lol).
The 400 page book about grief he tells the therapist in the end of the book, is referenced in the beginning (he throws it and it knocks his alarm clock off his dresser, haha another time reference) he also mentions the remote control getting lost under a pile of junk to his therapist, which is another scene in the beginning. There's also a little toy train with a gnome inside on the therapists desk, which is also seen back at Shirley's Diner.
When Russell breaks the fourth wall on page 57, and tells the reader to try to scream internally, and then asks you "Why does your internal monologue need to breathe? What else ticks inside us?" The answer is on page 124- we're all just homeless men, screaming on the inside.
...
When him and The Swindler are playing poker- each deck they hold symbolizes their place in life:
Russell starts out with a pair- "him and Lauren"
His next hand is a high card "just him, no other matching cards"
His next hand is no winning matches
While The Swindlers hands keep getting better, symbolizing him getting stronger and collecting more victims.
...
Winter by Antonio Vivaldi is the music jingle that plays in Laurens jewelry box. I think that's a pretty obvious one but I've had some people ask about it. It follows him because of grief, the day he gifts Lauren the jewelry box is the same day he asks her to join him at the factory.
Guilt is a black dog that follows you: there's numerous dog references in the book, like they're following him.
Russell is at the resort for 7 days and has 7 dreams- the 7 stages of grief. Also 777 is the "lucky" number that appears on a slot reel.
There's also a few song references from Radiohead, Cop Shoot Cop, and Nine Inch Nails because those are some of my favorite bands. Music plays a big part in motivating me to write, I always have it on in the background. In fact, SCATTER has an unofficial soundtrack that I put together on Spotify.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7DWrhVHG6MGAlL2p8hrqy9

I live in north eastern Missouri about 30 mins from the Missippi river. Me & my neighbors have a bunch of really tall trees (idk what kind) & a couple of pine trees in our yards. Owls love being in them, I only know this cuz I can hear them hooting & this time of year around sunrise & sunset they get really vocal. I love it. Owls remind me of my grandma (she collected everything owl, stuffies, figurines, art, she even sewed her own 3d stuffed little owl quilt).
The problem is that I am absolutely terrible at spotting them. There is currently one in the tree directly above where I am sitting that’s hooting as I type this, but for the life of me I can’t see it. I would just love to be able to spot them as a little game while I let the dogs get their exercise each day. Does anybody have any tips for trying to see them?
I know I should get binoculars but even then (I’ve tried in the past with a friends binoculars they let me borrow) I have a terrible time trying to spot them. I don’t even care what kind they are (though it would be cool to know, as barn owls were my grandma’s favorite & I think they live around here but idk). Any tips for being able to spot these beautiful birds would be greatly appreciated :)

I'd like to say hello and welcome you good day that is my name come here sit down I'm so glad even really truly came we can go take a walk or something but first i need introduce what when let us sing its call it likes it's nothing lives breathes insists never liked speak run sleep eat thought everybody tried seat looking through glass eyes give few tries goes right in time kill all bad dreams wonder 'bout no things circles spirals mind know this song not about yes why what's little sigh along think done we're thinks ton knew by wanted birds bees television cardboard houses X-ray vision many silly rhymes forgotten lost their telephones games periods lots of question marks here's part again where everything's more than should be greener seems fall beneath your feet seconds tick boulders whenever don't does seem are wherever for together depending on the weather we'll either argue house outside how different felt before got notch belt 'cause plans were me yeah now you'd just rather leave breaking slowly alone sound much further phone fit next there's always reason can't make miles away from home get meaner message at tone cleaner find shade envy heart Marvin's marvelous mechanical museum known coast butter toast headlines breadlines school rooms pool other place contiguous united states environments world t if hit with ally then see hall y'all mini mall calling kids pack up mom's car back Windstar kick drive arrive mega mart slide side hatch pride ties match booty duty was Eddie Thatch WWTHD university work play makes crazy jump bumping SUV street sweet tunes do donut mama's front lawn sooner you've found rock 'n' roll show tizzy hizzy gone mini-mall working carnival tally who's blame automated players proclaim yellow tie suave fellow writes heterophonic love bites red proud loud guy adore amp too high turn grey sipping 'gnac hear he's knocking shots Bill Laimbeer send locksmith greens keys unlock act please open case blue bass jiggle boodiggle over click flick off 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bothered Mr moon deep eternally die return obscure lose yourself became star silent explosive create universe bursts overworked pretend re-crown creation start probably fling two girls sure they began grow solely mine drew mural resides gray gave chance teach 'em they've tickle each fancies key shine Mary Kate Ashley hope understand it'd totally cool hung apartments enrolled saw TV dressed bee reminds sadness passes both tight life loveliness blossomed trying write haiku beyond ancient Asian poetry poem sauce spilled refilled formulaic verse fort pen trite attempts haikus la dee diddum lada dum doo diddle sufficient wrote least words Webster says trip pretty sharing sotries passing letters answered metaphysical astronomical printed papers seemed mystical magical compute one's kings distant cities rule persons servisory congratulatory animals something's brewing cooing cause revealed truth written whole clap serious delirious waited very patiently facts retract abstract concluding juno mad he'd shot gun wily friend gallows ghetto meadow billows begun ruler everything ah zirconium pants consequential slip trance talk face disintegrates chalk wonderful wife powerful job she criticizes egocentric ha practice mannerisms wall mirror clearer standing tall slobber clovers observing circle facade scam making way lie metamorphical scheme detective undercover brotherhood objective obscene oh flibbity jibbity jibber jabber god word sell piece ringing clock reach must ending comprehend resemble fool although gliding bumbling dragon scraping fell hadn't as planned bid adieu anew buy pony woke lay feather cap easy suddenly falls sight attachment offered earth below plays meant having enjoyed meat bone perfectly equal breathe stone looks outermost clime believe behind parts combine order disarray shadows cast floated past ocean spinning doubt reasons clear meet demand shame martyr claiming perspective weak strong wet dry sane forgot deny stand disrespect low new old cold John Yoko almost goodnight lesson fathers command minds complete lies beside numbers peace keep violence digress happiness big Betty 'pocalypse opens lips golden jungle there'll loathed nothing's bereft capitalist communist did hokey pokey went hate yourselves heaven hell wash starting road carefully unload open-eyed recalling seed sow proper undone signs ignored divine circular design dodo points sitting remark learning turning orbit coming cavern darkness leaves obsessed because feed willing victim cannibal rips bones animal blood calls wound unmistakable dig skeletons men ones hiding corners disguised phantom glimmer keeps feeding conceding tear wide chosen appointment hoping apart insight air airplane flight overcame distance emitting glow holding thoughts pull often aloft subtle bizarre armed teeth fireside ready rose rode underground finding service king almighty control decides dies mission slay sacred beast claim innocence those feast riding worst knows aught wise compromise easier seeing sides disguise separate pain released rest meanwhile join hang between forgiving nobody neither wear grin driven persistence farmer Jim hums imagine wonders scarecrow wind mother earth's wasn't fault flowing fathom blows saving grain domain reasoning crows igniting spark blown pinned butterfly monarch evil showed gentleman girl blossom colors swaying trees mysteries define summer endless remind yours green breezes mean growing stem missing dirt t shirt move closer moving stringing electricity under overflows taking trap midnight unprepared condemn stars above brother break abstracting pattern layers become freaky monster scales feathers tails tethers lights bend nightmare artful dodger shut closet covers snakes lovers turns bright burns wants devils masquerade pinky kinky complicate baby child calm wild day's night's younger light's passed paper dangle streaming tangle screaming stronger books abandoned water distracted sons daughters boys slaughter guys sparkles shines bet pick seeps cumulus brume tingles gazing vanishes soon after bedtime tiny patterns hypnotizing terrorizing chroma diamonds twinkle brightly sleepy desire misery years jobs scholarly share worldly-to-bes prayed change assessed reform suggested smiles frowns sudden sounds happier personal faith force brings enjoying substitute pleasure helping themselves figure gain surrender fair frolic persists everywhere children fresh spend hours welcoming balancing saint sin resident ask twilight interesting ought appear story's untold in-between collect entire doesn't happening search worth believing uncovering warm winter motion frozen quiet spoken unbroken unknown waters greater spaces near constant tale closely ahead prepare exist dead slow kind wary ease buried impressions sullen drawn expressions mend continued mirrors senses absurd trapped active depart fate pumping button pressed art restart source continue feared desolate whose patience intent stare hole lust nested guard onto Ferris wheel round complacent wake pray certainty we've expectations edge humming sparkling crystals souls aglow thee shown isle unto thyself hurt afraid miss heal blinding shining magic Apollo catching breath bled somebody called followed aloud hearing planets dust departing lore element camouflaging strife matters exit sorrow sweeping island replies invincible river thou view thine fire-erupted lands murderous survive deserve revived 'ula'ula 'alani melemele oma'oma'o polu poni connected rainbows 'ele'ele stella octangula praised rays joy awhile draw lo hues arrange drift effortless bound delicate dread dissolves designed elegant program columns align birth chess benign marble gods tango space already staircase awakening bathe slumbers ethereal sights renewed reborn dismiss vain explain expressed passionate steps floor suspending abyss such impossible bliss forest none erlking wood gamboling picnic broke middle garden wearying woe rot deeper crept oblivious bears darker terrors dare fountain infinite shadow murders murderers fear owls watch solemn easily black coveting indiscreetly him clearing buzzing arrived remembered 十五年後、待ち時間は終わった それは大地を残すことは無理 我々は天国から出発 それは秘密じゃない すぐに誰もが知っている 天の御国 天国は待機 それは大地で宇宙ステーションだ も何もこれに比較しません レベル七にはしごを使用し 睡眠、俺の子供 明るい目が待っています une ensemble d'enfants galaxie s'étend jardin l'imagination je dois dire bonsoir lancetoi et tu vivras toujours ce soir 天国は時機 limitless exposing closing circuitry fright death minute decimal minor plead testimony fee fi fo fum solemnly swear help son raise father honor brain claimed glory albeit infirmary towers crumble gasping rubble shrieking lull thy genius sates thirst trouble scattering sparks energy deliver carry kingdom lord cower nuns commence incanting axon – dendrite lightning strikes temples thus electrifying chambers wholly scorching sovereignty spiraling majesty beg mercy boy sympathy serfs couldn't someone doctor grows particles marvel ponder electric calming imaginary lines maze bumped purple running hurdles escape rear surrounded ghosts smoke reeks failure fail stairwells lead straight doors 'fore focus walls path thinning calves burning hotter furnace reached point east north west south i'ma ex-girl's chasing girl's facing awaiting cross enemy fatigue dying winds rewind hide everybody's watching labyrinth mouse ornery leaving used overpaid regret temporally avoid messiness dimension number space-time's dream machine await eternity modernity nature urgency fleeting mode memories keeping pace tension swell dreamt debris afloat amidst waves dispel aimless million moments mess sea anchorless unmoored amiss awake prove lucid sense sail given vast receiving emptiness unsure loose strand waits merely dreaming snow siren goddess promises apologies paradise reverie endeavor awaits somnambulant directives helm darling melting obelisks realm un combler lacune roller passé lune comme nous évoluons feels flying cosmic confluence pyramids hologrammed staging murder born emotion devotion's deepest division reasoned among vibrant pure delights surround signed whale mirage's stake existence let's final atoning eternal bye hi Hawaii sublime higher invisible okay cirrus vow varying shades colorful bit started bumming humble Caligula shangrila miracle worker begin walking soft surface limit scene opportunities aboriginal meme fence smotherful full metal steam burned ourselves castles learned bob eulogizes geocentric anybody ghost lion pair staring haunted stepping track stride bike grave hillsides haze porch flickers catches gaze bicycle hum bitty-bitty rolling gets guide bicycles driving everyone's sometimes companion Saturday busted rickety olden bolt five despise oooh imagined glide receive 1985 built Frankenstein code Eden bring rise carving own sunrise mourning effigy rendezvous mistake true ring quit entrapment tunnels which beguile regardless tumble funnel worthwhile merciless flustered beaten blistered gonna win til bruised abused laughing charming smart disarming best fulfill concealing worries reveal paying dues heed adrift nearly drowned grew store starts caught fortune shy enormous pink flamingo leg breeze sending se entrará con eres y nunca arriba bebe aqui está nada decir tus hermanos malos si quieren ir sueños hacen alegro rosa ngro put fight battle refusing careless heartless advice somehow voiceless shrug shoulder sting weapons war swallow knock sorry inspiration legacy screen blessed memory everyday taught role played Alan Alda release stoned smoking cigarette a-o conversation person unaware split spread complication invitation soak hesitation chill stole persist bleeped thank compassion sets belong scared recall boat money seeking treasures empty-handed week cheap slightly ajar failed carte climb bed less decide fade static yesterday toss provide sown York belie Joe Hawley men's team women's Coca-Cola Pepsi-cola rich poor funny Easter bunny kids' adults' smokers nonsmokers sexy ugly traveling indigenous Bigfoot fossil-fueled vehicles plant eaters civilized primitive pious skeptical Antarctica 7up mountain dew suicide Scandinavian Caribbean Indonesian moms 1957 returned rebirth hyperbolic sewed tract diastolic Lobachevskian fields betray inharmonic Teutonic motivations legions tip hat sir spout riveting thesis shan't excuse slacks chasm betwixt knaves jacks delivered ice cream jumble flavors spliced color riddle head-freeze dichotomy mixed-race lobotomy spar chronic electronics Tulsi tropics i's caucus mountains phonics atlas shrugs burst supersonic Plato's bonnet thinner ostensibly complex complexion affinity mere proclivity proximity vicinity signals tidal paradiddle oil gold emeralds orchids grooming hedging dino topiaries solipsistic clan Francesca's head's ashamed frame giant servicemen looming parlor longing millionaire Ted DiBiase supernova dad she'd expect birthdays row inhaling tokens H Tubmans whatevs yo wondering vestige male Kaufman cavorting prism clue ain't animate runes whistling classic Disney solar reduces fumes compares joyful lasting fuming sinister report graceful jabberwocky food o indigestion phantasy shucks fussing bonkers farmer's market drove gosh dang jeep fuss cuss check lazy dude handing ample samples non-customers punk scheisse superman heck's supplier Rapunzel spaghetti seriously packing chow confetti uh allspice amaranth artichoke acai barley basil bay bok choi chai seitan pot pie marbled rye bedhi'd eyed peas bing cherries chioggia beets meats gooseberries cayenne chestnut chia coconut custard dahlia dates saffron dijon mustard durian curry kale kasava clove eggplant flax demitasse kava garlic kumquat lychee oca root jalapenos garbanzos starfruit snakefruit lavender lime karela kohlrabi juniper jak wakame wasabi papaya papalo marigold mango oregano sake lemon luo han guo kiwi catnip Carolina reaper egusi icaco cheaper poppies asparagus Anne's carrots broccoli gac that'll wherefore dost obtain collard beans vanilla pomegranate pineapple sarsaparilla rambutan dragonfruit tapioca atemoya akebia mocha amanita muscaria chive potatoes watercress sprouts quinoa tomatoes parsley sage rosemary illegal vehicle watermelon marijuana rhubarb tamarind tarragon turnip swiss chard blueberry caraway fennel cacao boysenberry cumin cantaloupe wow celery sesame yam anise zenia kolas granolas marconas gardenias lentil cabbage vital wheat gluten wiener pepper muenster gewurztraminer apple fig pear peach pine hazel walnut beech spelt millet teff taro shallot ginger maca farro yarrow kalendula kombu chlorella cilantro pecan citron portobella pumpkin radish onion rice ginkgo olive maple thyme strawberry cattail sherry mulberry plum mimosa argyreia nervosa cucumbers maypops shamrocks hemlocks bourbon apricots sour truffle samphire flower squash zucchini macaroni porcini vermicelli avocados pistachios cinnamon royal jelly persimmons hemp celastrus paniculatus kombucha oranges cash nevermind rotary safe neighbors porches playground stark wine stained vacant basketball court dwellings municipal don’t stories triumphs glories jam blind you’ve places died grinding gears tides chief Pontiac stamped mark mystery flat dominoes attuned creeping repose hid Zion ablaze woes bureaucracy throes trials pairings psyche victory airings sponsored Nike potato-faced comrade ascends vultures encircle amends ages ribbon wore dutiful pose wink prick thorn beautiful aghast dusk savage horsemen musk mother's fat Ghostbusters Puft trust ate man's clarify bouncing bottle Adderall also mentioned twenty-nine exact wack object subject dribbled bombs window wiper airing throws drunken sniper i'm'a zeppelin piper mom tinder swipe 'cuz spherical meaningful queer clerical leather planet gravity ooh moves smooth adroit world's Detroit pity pal fails score swish buzzer curvy's fact NBA's rad basketballs gastric bands Oedipus Rex Electra Pegasus wings foot springs surf's board wave yo' 'boks pump chump sup palm shoot infinity across pass lest tripping guessing slam dunk foul ref gee gotta confide actress picked dang-blasted casting winners chickens plates dinners contain innards bouncy rainbow despair somewhen someway wizard cloak 'walk woods make' pope cruising cloudy witches smelling grass flash fast it’s waterproof hood honestly incredibly convenient behold crone lackadaisical wandering stressed quest gnome bridge trolls gnomes rests astray can’t afford delay pains owe searched quests looked low… however Alex vex variety pressure crones sicker gully micks rolls hats tenacity ambivalent queen’s rhapsody basilisk boss plague scourge special crossroad trolling dope clo' goods wizards apt what’s test angst legit i'th destiny heroes whom homer spoke posers adventure brand joke thrown Joseph Joey-Joe hm yearning journey bigger paths trinity leaking body fluids hurts stealth neighborhoods skirts robin's hundred acre redwood taller tower half paneled power branch pulls tunnel arms brace secret room strike duck alarms shall crescendo k Nintendo ambling van lived banjo rod Duncan savvy business instrument relevant string opted wing traveled actually spaceship hailed Appalachians transcended global nations yeehaw flew Jupiter rife intelligent managed locate unicorn magically eventually helped spacey whirls strung purty talking hair gleaned legend reasoned adopted named Cloister guarantee gleeful galaxy phoned pappy history we’ve lambasted lions crimes rounding precisely fractals surreal ends columned Moses wouldn’t steer starboard port duh range expression infinitesimal strangers narwhal's refrain repeat apology Tilly goal saved conjuring callow philosopher Socrates Stromboli puppetry cigar hemlock Bartholomew señor Freud guitars causing effects masterpiece expansion repression grace' summoned anyone companied omniverse c governed commonwealth unseen pirates denial plundered file misbegotten burn Rosencrantz Guildenstern knowledge flex muscle hour Christopher Columbus killed exactly thrilled una ciudad submarina loco comprendo es cierto necesito explicar cosa interesante three melange mirages appeared nowhere fully tantamount yacht steered ship Allah passengers shouted holler shalom voila haha Mediterranean protects Atlantises projected praying mantises holes wealth clues upon scuba divers' views choose weakened weekend booze bamboo shack Goombay punch moreso encourages lunch hast marine iguanas Bahamas Galapagos Darwin acquiesced priori Bermuda Fm's immortal crustacean combustible thrust killer eels resort hotels eclectic deals resisting Neptune's appeals quoth shark coral reef sits chest skeleton grant access orichalcum certain edible thick domes late quesadillas resultan en pesadillas fantasticos bead super-metal dip submarine motorbike vacuum train peligroso volar interiores helicoptóres native lucayans explained displacing ions anointing vampires dandelions teas brewed stirring yeezus bewitching Jesus suggesting Beatles platinums coronation measuring nation burdened Vinci's cartwheels ambidextrous MJ bey dangerous Elvira spells hex appeal Madonna risk waxing pedantic declared taxing romantic junglas spilling milkshakes kneeled prayer lipstick hallelujah aquamarine flanked RMS philistine nickel bronze copper zinc graphene gasoline Atlantic gyre rumors trickled wire dolphins fateful April 1912 papa smurf surveyed turf raging surf wars bores opposed shores blinded navigating constellations numerous uhh wrist ceased tingling demands drink bar writing giants telling saxophone solo silkiness sheets AstroTurf cleats tricentennial hopes bath carafe chaff bottom commotion fuels human race faces thrill escapeless relax sack mkay hay rem synchronize free-diving iceberg guise jack bop buhbed Renee breezy rides romanticize sighs phantasize rhyming eenie meenie dirty cleany joey elusive fish difference eeenie minus neighbros hug smite pajama scan boogeyman sandman awimoweh bugs bite wop luau synesthetic candy drops yawn everlasting flavor gobs colorforms abridge textbook'd molten meaningness norms lieu pill larger small gives Alice ten rabbits hookah caterpillar chessboard mushroom she'll logic proportion fallen sloppy knight talking backwards queen's dormouse melody except tea mouth reality delighted adorn kept wandered memory planted surprised understands most parade rave celebrate Sunday brunch conscious knits chair uses knit bear puts herself casted spell stopped appearing Monday rustle cheese coin invite sleight use fearlessness wand necessary extraordinary muse dullest reflection inner workings possibilities limits tambourine treat hummingbird resting colored sunset tomorrow's weary offer whistle unity potent remedy why'd curious myself witness roots beholden brighter flutter sweeter observed future daisies fingers lollipops insist family mostly harmony figured ideas sprout older haunts wears positive hopeful prepared invented prevented chin eighty plants trails whisked pointed spin lift confined unfair nice Christmas eve since forember diary moved met sweetest multipearionaire unfeasible improbable ungrapesable rotten impeachable push forward mmhm melt buh ba searching witnessed smiling daylight simple fools gather embrace entrust loved sick visions illusions connection dreamers wished believed amazing stargazing someday voices sailors ignore supposed di ohhh generally modest eaten delicious wishes biggest fishes abject hackneyed reference abstain agree aside struggle deal practicing weekends expense imagining yield rewards repeating hip-hop doowop chords one-of-a-kind runnin' impress bars ignorance blissful abysmal snap holds crystal ticked slept fs record evident mental Aaron Neville sings devil piecing confidence common sense'll recipe industry faker pro wrestling 'makes talent specialty fret shelf epic expanse round-robin championship ids unique simulator engineer stimulate vibrating swirling vortex Johnnying depths girling cortex velveteen flair icicled larynx slid tongue teased hadn’t handling waist overcomers alternative heads expecting former grati’ication hanging ninesome buskers splayed 3rd promenade styles attributing bunnies fours reverse threw grandfather crossed disbarred generations squalormander’d japan towns stoning henges ‘atian formed phase bending forwards earning leisure interest childlike empress tsunami tah

I Reincarnated in Another World with my Funko POPs. Only I Have the Power to Summon Funko’s!!!
-=-
Episode 1.1: A Funko-Fueled Journey Begins
[Author’s Note: I’m not taking this seriously. You shouldn’t either]
"Thank you for calling SuperMeta Tech Support, this is John," I said, grabbing Iron Man from my cluttered desk and zipping him across the surface, envisioning him as my valiant defender against the perils of mundane office life. The image of him soaring over my keyboard to fend off the monstrous Super Cyber End Dragon, the guardian of my precious coffee cup, brought a grin to my face.
"Hello? Are you even listening to me?" an impatient voice interrupted my reverie, snapping me back to the mundane reality of tech support. Mr. Johnson, the frustrated restaurant manager, was on the line, again, grappling with his POS-3000 system and its refusal to cooperate.
I glanced at the clock, realising I had another four hours of this soul-crushing cubicle existence ahead of me. Contemplating my life choices, I reminded myself that dropping out of college wasn't a sign of stupidity but rather a response to overwhelming circumstances. Besides, this graveyard shift gig paid the bills, even if it did little to stimulate my intellect. Thank goodness for my Funko POPs, my trusty companions in this monotonous realm.
And despite appearances, I wasn't a total loser. I frequented the gym, dabbled in Krav Maga, watched my diet, and nursed a budding romance with a girl I hoped to summon the courage to ask out someday—soon, definitely soon.
"I'm listening, Mr. Johnson," I assured him, mentally projecting Iron Man's heroic feats onto my mundane surroundings. With a mental "Pew! PewPew!" I dispatched the imaginary dragon and reclaimed my coveted coffee.
"Your POS-3000 is refusing to reconcile the register. Have you tried turning it off and back on again?" I suggested, mustering all the enthusiasm I could muster for this routine troubleshooting.
"What? No, I haven’t. I’d lose all the receipts for the day and have to put them in manually!" Mr. Johnson protested.
"Yeah… Sorry about that. I’m pretty sure it’s locked up and needs a good reboot. You’ll have to turn it off and turn it back on again," I reiterated, letting Iron Man scout for new adventures around my cubicle.
"No, that’s unacceptable. There’s got to be another way. I’ll be here until dawn putting in all these receipts," Mr. Johnson grumbled.
"That’s really bad," I empathised, reaching for my DunKings Funko POPs to distract myself from the growing urge for a donut break. "I understand how frustrating this is for you, and I’m really sorry, but you’ll need to turn it off and then turn it back on again. Just unplug it and plug it back in.”
"Completely unacceptable! Do you even know how to do your job? What are you, some sort of millennial with no skills at all? Quit being lazy and help me fix this thing!" Mr. Johnson's voice erupted in my ear, nearly causing me to spill my coffee.
I steadied my cup and grabbed my Funko POPs for moral support. "Fine. I’ll help you," I sighed, preparing for the inevitable clash with a disgruntled customer.
"Damn right you will," Mr. Johnson snapped back. "Now what do I do?"
"Turn it off. And then. Turn it back on again."
The response was an explosive barrage of expletives that rattled my eardrums.
"Mr. Johnson, if you continue that sort of language, I’ll have to disconnect this call," I warned firmly, hoping to diffuse the tension before it escalated further.
After a few wheezing breaths, Mr. Johnson grudgingly relented. "I want to speak to your manager. Right now."
"Please hold and I’ll get them at once," I replied smoothly, hitting the hold button with practiced ease. Picking up one of the DunKings, I orchestrated a comical scene as it waddled over to the 'Hot' button and pressed it down with one of its stubby arms. "Thanks, Sugah!" I grinned, pleased with my makeshift solution. Now, all that remained was to await management's response when...
"What’s going on?" Brandy's voice cut through the air, her perpetual scowl deepening as she observed my playful interaction with my Funko POPs.
"Mr. Johnson, Squiddies Megaburgers, frozen POS-3000, corrupted cloud save file," I summarised, each word punctuated by the movements of Funko Peter Griffin, before pointing out the issue on my screen. "Ding! Turn it off and on again! And of course, Mr. Johnson refuses."
Brandy rolled her eyes. "John Smith, there’s a reason you’re still level II tech support after five years."
"Because I’m really good at it and you refuse to promote me because I won’t let you play with my Funkos?" I retorted playfully, tempting her with Funko Spider-Man's saucy dance moves. "Oh yeah, look at that butt wriggle! Spider-Man, spider-man, can he dance? Yes he can! Look out... Here comes the spider dance!"
"No, because you’re the most immature 30-year-old I’ve ever dealt with. No ambition, No drive, No… you know what, you’re already on report," Brandy declared sternly. "One more incident and you’re fired."
"Aww," I feigned disappointment, clutching a few of my favourite Funkos. "That sounds really scary. I’m feeling a bit triggered right now and I think I need to spend some time in the Safe Room."
Brandy huffed and plugged in her headset to a secondary extension, connecting to the call with Mr. Johnson. Muted on the main line, I listened in as Mr. Johnson vented his frustrations, none of which painted me in a flattering light despite my efforts to assist him.
After several minutes of troubleshooting, Brandy guided Mr. Johnson through a hard reset procedure, her soothing southern drawl calming his frustrations.
"It looks like the POS-3000 is in a lock state. We need to do a hard reset to restore functionality," Brandy explained patiently.
"Okay, whatever it takes to get it working again," Mr. Johnson acquiesced, his tone softened by Brandy's professionalism.
"Alright, just flip the monitor over, find the large black cord, then unplug it from the unit," Brandy instructed.
I rolled my eyes at the simplicity of the solution, but held my tongue.
"Okay, I’ve done it," Mr. Johnson confirmed.
"Now count to 10 and plug it back in."
Suppressing a sigh, I listened as Mr. Johnson followed the steps.
"Hey, it’s working again! You’re so much better than that millennial loser that was on the phone earlier," Mr. Johnson praised, unaware of my presence.
Unable to resist, I unmuted myself. "Hey, millennial loser here. Congratulations for needing two people to give you instructions on how to turn it off and back on again.”
The ensuing explosion of rage was nothing short of spectacular.
* * * * *
"Thanks, Joe," I expressed with a grateful smile as he held the door open for me. Clutching my box of personal belongings, which mostly consisted of Funko POPs, assorted origami creations, and a still warm, albeit empty, coffee cup, I took my first official step into the realm of unemployment.
The streets lay deserted, the city wrapped in slumber, with even the streetlights seeming to cocoon themselves in the evening fog. A gentle mist hung in the air, lending an ethereal quality to the dimly lit streets. Shadows danced along the walls of the buildings, casting eerie shapes that seemed to sway with the gentle breeze. The distant sound of a lone car horn echoed through the empty streets, punctuating the stillness of the night.
Crossing the street toward the employee parking lot, I heard the distant chimes of the church bells signalling 3 AM. Each toll reverberated through the quiet night, adding to the surreal atmosphere. A thin layer of fog clung to the ground, swirling around my feet as I made my way across the deserted road.
A smile crept across my face as I paused in the middle of the quiet street, setting down my box of possessions. It was the witching hour, the perfect time for mischief, and I had just the plan in mind — sending a scathing email to corporate filled with all the scandalous gossip from the call centre.
Drawing out my phone, I swiftly composed the email, the soft glow of the screen casting an eerie light on my face. The cool night air sent shivers down my spine, adding to the sense of excitement and anticipation. The distant hoot of an owl broke the silence, its haunting call echoing through the night.
With a satisfied smirk, I hit send and couldn't help but let out an evil cackle, the sound echoing off the empty buildings around me. However, my triumphant moment was abruptly interrupted by the sudden glare of headlights. Frozen in shock, I watched as a large truck barrelled down the centre of the road, hurtling straight toward me! As the impending danger loomed closer, a single thought crossed my mind: "Is that an '86 Mitsubishi Fuso?"
* * * * *
"Joe… Joe… Wake up, Joe…"
I blinked my eyes open to find myself face-to-face with a stunning loli-goddess, her golden hair fashioned into twin drills and her attire an elaborate frilly white dress paired with sparkly silver shoes. Despite her ethereal appearance, her womanly assets were as flat as a pancake, embodying the epitome of Oppai mo o shiri mo zero in the flesh.
"Sorry, lady," I mumbled, scrambling to my feet and taking in my surroundings. "I’m not Joe. I'm John. John Smith. Hope that doesn’t cause any issues."
The setting was straight out of a teenage girl's dream bedroom — a huge four-poster bed adorned with pink linens, walls plastered with posters of boy bands, and cute, fluffy stuffed animals scattered on every available surface.
"You're not Joe Smith?" she queried, her lips forming an adorable pout.
"Nope, definitely the wrong guy," I confirmed, scanning the room for my box of Funko POPs. "Have you happened to see a cardboard box around here? It contained some pretty sweet Funko figures. Oh, and there's a coffee cup in there that I'm rather fond of."
"What? No, all your personal possessions are back on Earth with your body…"
"My…body?" I echoed, a chill running down my spine as memories of the truck and the accelerating sound flooded back. "Wait, does that mean I'm dead?"
"You are," she replied with a saccharine smile. "But fear not, for I am Yuki the Goddess of Isekai, and anyone who meets their demise via a Mitsubishi Fuso falls under my domain. Thus, you now have the privilege of reincarnating with all your memories intact in an alternate reality filled with magic and wonder!"
"Not exactly my idea of a grand afterlife," I grumbled. "The thought of reliving puberty and dealing with all that awkwardness again is less than appealing. And let's not even get started on the whole infancy stage — it's just downright gross, if I'm being honest."
A hint of disappointment flickered across her features. "Well, transmigration isn't exactly a choose-your-own-adventure scenario, especially considering the thoroughness of your demise. However, I could arrange for a soul transference. But be warned, it'll come at an extra cost."
"Cost? Why? Didn’t you get the wrong guy? You called me Joe," I pointed out, a hint of confusion tingeing my voice.
Caught in her fib, the loli-goddess pouted once more, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "Okay, I’ll waive the cost, but you’ll have to do the job I was going to assign to Joe."
"Let me guess, a demon lord is threatening a kingdom and you need me to kill him," I surmised, already envisioning the typical fantasy scenario unfolding before me.
She nodded eagerly, her curls bouncing and flexing like springs in her excitement.
"No deal," I declared firmly, crossing my arms. "There’s definitely no Funko POPs in a fantasy world, so I’m not interested."
Yuki’s face initially fell at my refusal, but then it lit up with excitement. "I know, I can give you the power to summon them!"
"What? No way, really?" I exclaimed, my disbelief mingling with hope.
"Really really," she affirmed, nodding vigorously, her curls bouncing with each movement. "Cross my heart. You’ll be able to summon them to fight for you, so that’s even better, right?"
The prospect was intoxicating. I envisioned my favourite Funko POPs coming to life, ready to pound the living daylights out of the Demon Lord and his armies. Oh yeah, that's a sweet vision.
"So, no reincarnation, I get my old body back, and the ability to summon Funko POPs?" I clarified, trying to contain my excitement.
"Do we have a deal?" She smiled sweetly, extending her hand as a gesture of agreement.
"Only if I get my body restored and the ability to summon Funko POPs," I countered, not falling for what could be the second oldest trick in the book.
"Ugh, fine!" she groaned, her frustration evident as she stamped her foot. "I’ll restore your body and give you the power to summon Funko POPs."
"And a universal translation skill. I can’t go to a new world and be completely illiterate, right?" I added, not willing to overlook a crucial detail.
"Yes, yes, and that too," she conceded, her patience wearing thin.
"And I want a…" I began, before she interrupted with a low growl.
"Take the deal and pray I do not alter it," she warned, her eyes flashing golden with a hint of menace.
"Okay, okay, no need to get all Vader-y on me. We have a deal," I acquiesced, shaking her hand firmly to seal the agreement.
* * * * *
One moment I was shaking the tiny delicate hand of Yuki, the next I found myself sprawled on the forest floor, a vivid blue screen filling my vision.
“I kept my end of the bargain, mostly,” the screen stated matter-of-factly. “I had to compromise a bit because restoring your body and transferring your soul into it was a real hassle. You’ll have to share experience with your summons, so the more you use each one, the more powerful it will grow.
Also, I couldn’t just give you all the Funko POPs, so you’ll have to purchase them from a special store I added to your status screen. Say or think ’status’ to open your status screen. Just add coins to your inventory and you can buy whatever suits your fancy.
I’ve also given you a set of starter gear in your inventory, so that should help until you get a few levels. Follow the stream until you come to the road, then turn right and follow it to the city of Merideth. Once there, you’ll be able to register with the Adventurer’s Guild — if you budget your coins wisely.”
As the message faded from the screen, I slowly rose to my feet, brushing dirt off my clothes. I glanced down at myself, noting the simple but sturdy attire provided as part of my starter gear. A pair of rugged leather boots adorned my feet, protecting them from the forest terrain. My trousers were made of durable fabric, ideal for outdoor activities, and a comfortable tunic covered my torso, its earthy tones blending seamlessly with the surroundings. Over it all, a weathered leather cloak hung from my shoulders, providing warmth and protection against the chill of the forest.
“Status” I said, eager to get my collection started again.
-=-= Status =-=-
Name: John Smith
Age: 32
Race: Human
Rank: 0 (0/1000xp)
HitPoints: 36 (STR+CON+DEX)
ManaPool: 20 (INT+WIS)
INVentory: 15 items (STR+CON)
COIns: 18 gold, 25 silver, 50 copper
STRength: 13
CONstitution: 12
DEXterity: 11
INTelligence: 12
WISdom: 8 (Regen 8/hr)
CHArisma: 10
[SKILLS]
[INVENTORY}
1x leather backpack
1x hunting knife (in sheath)
[SUMMONS]
(None)
Removing the hunting knife from my inventory, I took a moment to admire its clean, simple lines before strapping the sheath securely to my belt. Next, I retrieved the backpack, noting the large water skin hanging from its side and the bedroll strapped to the bottom. As I rummaged through the pack, I discovered a plethora of essentials: a change of clothing, traveler’s rations, a fire-starting flint, a whetstone, a small sewing kit, and clean rags that I assumed could be used for bandages.
With everything neatly organised and stowed away, I felt a surge of excitement as I called up my status screen once more and navigated to the Funko tab. However, my enthusiasm was quickly dampened when I saw that my current collection was nonexistent. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement.
Refusing to let this setback deter me, I glanced at the menu on the left side of the screen, my eyes immediately drawn to the enticing options: Gatcha, Store, and Sell.
Curiosity piqued, I clicked on the first button labeled [Gatcha], which offered a tantalising chance at acquiring a random Funko for a mere 5 gold. The promise of a one-in-a-hundred chance of obtaining a rare Funko only added to the allure.
The next menu button opened up a selection of a dozen Funko figures available within my budget, each priced at a range of 10 to 20 gold coins. Letting out a groan, I couldn't help but wonder just how challenging it would be to earn money in this new world. But regardless of the obstacles ahead, I was determined to collect my first Funko.
With 18 gold coins burning a hole in my pocket and a newfound sense of determination, I eagerly set out to embark on this quest to acquire my very first Funko figure. Sorting through the Funko’s for the best companion, I quickly settled on Aragorn the Ranger.
Why? Because I was in the woods, he was a Ranger, and more importantly, he was a bad ass fighting machine. Sure, there were other Funko’s that might be better — Iron Man, for instance — but in some crazy medieval fantasy world I’d probably be safer with a wilderness guide, right? Right.
Pushing the [Purchase] button before I could change my mind, I watched as 15 gold coins vanished from my internal bank account in the blink of an eye, along with everything on the purchase screen. With a mixture of excitement and anticipation, I tabbed back over to the [Summons] screen, a grin spreading across my face when I spotted Aragorn slotted in place.
"Aw hells yis," I muttered under my breath, unable to contain my enthusiasm.
Mentally selecting the miniature figurine with the oversized head, I was taken aback when status information for it popped up unexpectedly, filling the screen with a wealth of details about my new summon.
Name: Aragorn
Rank: 0 (0/1000xp)
Class: Commoner
Race: Human
HitPoints: 34
ManaPool: 22
XP Split: 50%
Cost: 15
Attributes:
Strength: 12 (+1)
Dexterity: 12 (+1)
Constitution: 10 (+0)
Intelligence: 10 (+0)
Wisdom: 12 (+1)
Charisma: 10 (+0)
Skills:
Survival (Wis)
Animal Handling (Wis)
Perception (Wis)
Background:
Ranger in Training: Proficiency in longbows, longswords, and survival skills.
Starting Equipment:
Wooden longbow
Wooden sword (practice weapon)
Simple clothing
Okay… maybe not as badass as I was hoping for. Looks like I have to level, er, rank him up? Aw jeez, and I’m going to be splitting XP with all my Funko’s? Well, that’s fair too, I suppose.
Taking a moment to study the status information for Aragorn on the summoning screen, I noted the various attributes and abilities he possessed. Despite not being the formidable warrior I had imagined, there was still potential for growth and development. With determination, I selected Aragorn and spent 15 mana, eager to see him in action.
As I watched, multicolored motes swirled and coalesced, forming a perfect Funko POP rendition of Aragorn the Ranger at my feet. His oversized head turned inquisitively, scanning his surroundings before locking eyes with me. Without hesitation, he dashed toward me, his tiny feet navigating the terrain with surprising agility.
Climbing my clothing with ease, Aragorn perched himself on my shoulder, his miniature form radiating an aura of readiness. His head swivelled, scanning the surrounding woods for any signs of danger, his keen eyes missing nothing.
I couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement and pride as I gazed upon my newest companion. Despite his diminutive size, Aragorn exuded an air of stoic determination, a fitting embodiment of the legendary ranger he represented.
“I don’t suppose you grow bigger, do you?” I asked tentatively, a hint of skepticism in my voice as I pondered the possibility of facing ogres and other formidable foes with mere four-inch figurines.
In response, Aragorn bobbled his head thoughtfully before suddenly flipping off my shoulder. In a dazzling burst of light, he transformed into a five-and-a-half-foot-tall Funko figure! My jaw practically dropped to the forest floor in astonishment. Holy Dwarf balls! This was beyond awesome!
Meeting my gaze, Aragorn held up two fingers, then lowered them, and repeated the motion.
“Two two?” I ventured, watching his reaction closely. When he shook his head, I tried again. “Twenty-two?” I guessed, a grin spreading across my face as he bobbed affirmatively.
“Twenty-two what?” I inquired, intrigued by this newfound revelation.
And thus began a game of twenty-two questions, with Aragorn's gestures providing clues until I finally guessed right — he could only maintain his enlarged form for 22 minutes, after which I would need to spend another 15 mana to re-summon him.
I cursed softly. Since I only had 20MP and regenerated 8 per hour, I was limited to super-sizing him once every two hours or so. Learning that the timer only applied when he was big, I had him shrink and return to my shoulder with 18 minutes left on his clock.
Surveying the forest around me, I marvelled at the diversity of flora and fauna. Towering trees loomed overhead, their branches reaching toward the sky like fingers grasping for the sunlight. Vibrant wildflowers dotted the forest floor, adding splashes of colour to the verdant landscape. The air was filled with the sounds of chirping birds and rustling leaves, creating a symphony of nature’s melodies.
With a sense of determination, I set off along the stream-bank, the soft earth beneath my boots cushioning each step. Shafts of sunlight filtered through the dense canopy above, casting intricate patterns of light and shadow on the forest floor. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of awe at the beauty of the natural world surrounding me as I started my new life.
Episode 1.2
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Inspired By: EgorKPrime