Frank could have slept in the trailer, but he preferred being in the van under current circumstances. He could scare off anyone who got a bright idea to try and steal the vehicle, for one thing. And if something happened in the motel room, if Jenna and Mike needed help, he was closer.
Not that any of that seemed likely; this place seemed dead as hell.
The motel was a not-too-busted-down place. The town it sat at the edge of was a wide-spot-in-the-road type. An out-of-the-way hamlet, some might call it. To Frank's parents, the town would have seemed ideal. Small enough to seem homey and friendly — and Christian, of course — but large enough to have the basic amenities: a pool of suckers for Mama's MLM sales and other schemes, people looking for someone like Papa who could at least seem to fix anything for cheap, and an attitude that led people to mind their own business, even with new folks and strangers, leaving no one too inclined to call in Youth Services or the equivalent at every sign of a bruise or a scrape or bleeding backs or broken limbs.
They'd done a lot of midnight runners out of places where people showed some level of neighborly concern. Left a lot of things behind in rented houses and apartments.
The best time had been when Frank was between the ages of five and seven. They lived with Grampa and Gramma Schnedeker then, and all the kids who were old enough got to go to proper school for a while, like school-school. Grampa Schnedeker needed a lot of looking after, and Gramma wanted the kids out of the house at least a few hours a day so as not to disturb him too much.
Since they got to go to school, Frank and his siblings right on either side actually learned to properly read and do the beginnings of math and such. Mama said all they needed to read was the Bible, and Papa said math was only important as far as helping him measure and cut lumber and pipe for projects, but still, the kids learned. And when Grampa Schnedeker died and the family moved on, the kids who had got school for a while tried to keep up and to teach things to the little ones.
That got stopped pretty quick, and Mama took over the "lessons," which really just meant she handed the kids their little workbooks every morning after breakfast and left them to work — QUIETLY as she always demanded — while she went and schmoozed sales or whatever. All the boys stopped having any "lessons" after 10 years old. That was when they would start going to work with Papa.
All the boys besides Frank, anyway. But that was before anyone besides Frank even knew that Frank was a boy.
And boy, had that been Hell on Earth when he finally outright told them he was a boy. Mama went to scream-praying like she tended to, and Papa tried to beat Frank to death, and then he did other things that really almost did kill Frank, but luckily Susie called 911.
It was Hell after, too. All that time in the hospital, and the stuff was on the news, and then Frank was sent to foster parents practically across the country. Those first ones were okay, except they also didn't believe Frank was a boy. They just tried to send him to a conversion therapist, who somehow luckily realized that there was no converting Frank and tipped off the social workers. Frank got new foster parents who accepted him, helped him get a name change, and even let him stay with them after he aged out of the foster system, until he could get his GED and see about college.
And then there was college, with his new name and his new clothes and finally being himself, and then the year of college, he met Jenna, and everything since then had been almost golden.
He could not sleep, crunched up in the driver's seat of the van with his head full of memories, so instead he just let it all play, the good and the bad, until it was almost sunrise and he needed to piss like a racehorse.
Then he got out of the van and went to knock at the door of the motel room. After he peed, he would ask Jenna if she minded taking the first shift driving today.
Gotta be up early and get everything together. Danna hated cooking, so Derick made breakfast, got the kids settled, and carried a plate back to his wife, still ensconced in the big bed in the back of the RV.
God had said that the wife should be the one to tend to the home and children, had he not? And yet, if the wife was unable to do some part of that, surely the man, in his free moments, should try and help. Thus, Derick would cook and would see that the children had breakfast, since Danna had such trouble sleeping, and then had trouble waking in the morning, especially when she was pregnant.
And if Danna's mother had never taught her to cook, well, that was the sin of Peggy Lynn Sooks, not her daughter. God would punish Peggy for her failures as a wife and mother.
Other than the sleeping trouble and the aversion to some of the arts of housewifery, Danna was excellent. She was really smart, figuring out how to put together all the social media stuff. And she was always ready to go whenever God told Derick they needed to pick up and move on. She greeted each trip, long or short, with joy, and she treated her other wifely obligations with equal joy.
Perhaps too much joy, sometimes. Danna, for example, took great joy in the act of procreation. That was good, of course, for they were to be fruitful and multiply and spread their family over the Earth to carry the Truth of God's message.
But the act of procreation, sacred and holy as it might be, was never something Derick greatly enjoyed. He did not, as he knew some husbands did, press his wife to fulfill her duties every night. In fact, their marriage had not been conssumated for nearly two months after the wedding, simply because Derick was disinclined. It took Danna reminding him that God's holy word also said a husband should satisfy his wife, and then they finally joined fully in their union.
Still, they did not do it often, unless Danna pressed Derick. As the years went on, she did so more and more, and so he let her have her desire. It was his duty as a husband.
Today, they would stay here. God had said they would be here about a week. Danna seemed happy with that, and the children seemed pleased as well.
They always seemed happiest when the family stopped wandering a while.
Derick had tried to explain to the children why they moved around so much, and why they must keep doing so. He thought perhaps the oldest two boys were beginning to understand. The little ones were still far from such wisdom, but there was time yet.
There was time.
3 Table of Contents

26.m Recently my PF therapist told me she couldn´t do anything for my tight pelvic floor and that the sessions are pointless. I have literally 0 success fixing it doing stretches and deep breathing - spent 8 weeks total at it daily.
I was recently diagnosed by piriformis syndrome on my right side which has been interfering with my pelvic floor, too. Also got anterior pelvic tilt and lower back pain. I feel like focusing on my tight pelvic floor at this point is pointless as it just won ´t ever relax - I think I first need to strenghten the surrounding muscles. Also piriformis stretches just make the sciatica pain even worse so I quit it.
All I do now is just work out my glutes/hamstrings/TA/core + the only strech I do is the kneeling hip stretch. I can feel my PF trying to relax while in this stretch and also many other muscles just contracting and relaxing as if those didn´t know how to react to this. I can feel this one is good as it happens after a while I even get a semierection even though I never get hard throughout the day or even in the morning. Bad thing is the moment I quit doing the stretch I am back to square one.
It has been 1 week since I started this and so far see no improvement but am going to keep at this for some 2+ months so wish me luck. My tactic is first to get rid of lower back pain, anterior pelvic tilt and piriformis pain and once everything is in check HOPEFULLY then when I try relaxing my PF it will actually work because at this point it is totally useless.
Who did the same and had success please do share. Thanks!

About 3 years ago, my uBPD mom had an affair with her neighbor (gross) and she and my stepdad got divorced. My stepdad was basically “Dad” to me, so he, my sister, and I were very close. He passed away rather unexpectedly a couple of days ago.
I was NC, and my sister was VLC, but we thought it the lesser of two evils was to FaceTime her and tell her he died verses her finding out through the grapevine. The conversation started with her waking up from a drunken slumber, and her being sickly sweet to us because “both her girls” were FaceTiming her. When we broke the news, she of course made it all about her and said “I didn’t need this today!” and (more angrily) “You’ve just dropped a bomb on me!”, and in the same breath “This is a blessing he died. He didn’t have any savings or retirement”.
Like WTF? We should look at his pain, suffering, and death as a blessing? Simply because he had no RETIREMENT??? We literally watched this vibrant, wonderful man die. He had reassurance and peace about where he was going after death, but before he lost consciousness he was determined to beat this. He was not ready to go yet.
Due to the affair and the BPD nastiness surrounding that, and the fact that his kids obviously did not want them there, I told her and her husband that they were not welcome at the memorial service. Of course they could not understand why 🧐
The conversation ended with her repeating how she just didn’t need this news, me being sarcastic and saying I’m sorry his death was an inconvenience for her (my bad), and her getting mad and hanging up on us. I know I shouldn’t be surprised by the direction this conversation went, but damn… The statement about this being a blessing is 100% her secretly being glad he died so she could stop feeling guilty about what she did.
The whole thing is just gross, sad, and disrespectful. Sorry this post was so long, but I just felt I needed to get it off my chest!

I am grateful to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva for offering me this precious opportunity to share my experience of practising Buddhism with you.
I am 62 years old. Today, I can eat, sleep and walk like a normal person. However, did you know that I once was a paralyzed woman who could not even get up from bed, had difficulty turning over, and could not take care of myself? Through practising Buddhism and reciting Buddhist scriptures, I have completely freed myself from the misery of hell. I want to tell you with hard facts that practising Buddhism and reciting the scriptures has not only given me a second life, but has also benefited me immensely. I want to share with you how I transformed myself from paralysis to health within four years without undergoing any surgery! May my presentation plant the seeds of bodhi in your hearts, so that more people will have faith in Guan Yin Bodhisattva who has boundless supernatural power, and recite Buddhist scriptures as soon as possible to be free from suffering and gain happiness!
1. When I was young, I opened two bars so I created bad karma, and karmic retribution is right on my heels!
I am the eldest daughter of my family and the eldest daughter-in-law of my in-laws family. Both my mother and mother-in-law are Buddhist practitioners and urged me to practise Buddhism as well. However, because of my youthful ambition and good fortune, at the age of about 36, I ran two bars and enjoyed the pleasure of earning money, not bothering to practise Buddhism at all. By then, I was young and foolish, in the bars I gained filthy money by means of woman’s charms, which invariably created a lot of bad karma. How many people lost their morals and conscience for my sake of monetary gain? How many families have been broken up behind the scenes? How many people have done many things against ethics and morality under the paralysis of alcohol? I hereby express my deepest repentance to Guan Yin Bodhisattva! Karmic retribution is inescapable. I planted the evil cause so I reap the evil effect. The bad karma I created within two years of running the bars has brought me a tragic retribution 13 years later! (So, dear fellow practitioners, please take this as a warning!)
In 2010, I was 49, my predestined 369 calamity arrived. One day in July, my karma exploded. I suddenly collapsed at home kitchen while stirring frying vegetables. In an instant, I felt that the sky was falling, and I had nowhere to turn for help. An otherwise healthy me entered a life of hell on earth from then on. Every day, I ate, drank, pooped and peed in bed, had difficulty turning over, couldn't wash my hands and face, had trouble swallowing, so it was worse than death. I was paralyzed in bed from then on. The doctor said I had a herniated disc in my lower back. All the bones in my back were misaligned. Both knee bones were necrotic and so swollen. I have visited all the local city and provincial hospitals, big and small, to seek medical care. I almost spent all the several hundreds of thousands of RMB I had gained from my bar business. However, the condition got worse and worse.
2. Since encountering the excellent Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door, I have been practicing Buddhism hard to overcome any obstacles on the way and finally achieved a new life.
Perhaps it was the blessing from my family members who had been making offerings to the Buddha and practising Buddhism for years. Thanks to the mercy of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, I finally encountered the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door in 2012 when I was in the most desperate situation in my life. The person next door to my bar heard that I was sick and came to see me. She brought me Buddhist scripture, recitation device, Buddhism in Plain Terms, counters and many other Dharma gems. She told me the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door was very efficacious, and asked me to try it. Although I could not move on bed, I listened all Master Lu's recordings like a thirst. I was pleasantly surprised to hear cases of patients who had been cured of cancer and serious illnesses by practising Buddhism and reciting the scriptures. The recordings of Master Lu's programs were like a bright beacon in the darkness, bringing me hope for life and giving me great encouragement. I felt I was awakened by a powerful energy, stirring up my strong desire to live. I told myself: I must survive; I must save myself! I started to practice Buddhism and recite scriptures as if I had grabbed a lifeline.
I am illiterate, so I had to lie in bed every day and learn to recite word by word with the recitation device. Due to the heavy karma, there was no virtuous and the high-minded practitioner around to teach me how to burn the Little Houses in a rational and lawful way. I foolishly took an ashtray instead of a plate to burn the Little Houses, which resulted in the ashtray blowing up. In order to eliminate karma quickly, I was foolishly reciting the Heart Sutra and Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra after ten o'clock at night, which resulted in the light bulbs breaking several times (Here, I sincerely remind my fellow practitioners: Master Lu enlightened us not to recite the Heart Sutra and Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra after ten o'clock at night. Please make sure to read the Introduction to Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door carefully in order to avoid practising Buddhism irrationally). Therefore, we must follow the instructions of Master Lu, and never do what the Master does not allow us to do. The whole process of reciting Buddhist scriptures to eliminate karma is very bumpy. It is really easy to create karma, but very hard to eliminate it! However, I firmly believed that the Bodhisattva is infinitely powerful. As long as I diligently practised Buddhism, my fate would definitely get changed. Hence, I relied on the blissful cases in Master Lu's recordings as my spiritual support. I kept persevering, not afraid of any difficulties, and recklessly recited Buddhist scriptures.
Since I ate, drank and pooped in bed, my aura was very bad. As I could not get up by myself, so I had to lie in bed to recite the sacred Buddhist scriptures. I felt guilty and torn, wondering if this was the appropriate way to recite the sacred Buddhist scriptures. Will it affect the effect of the recitation? Gratitude to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for Her compassion, and I dreamed of Master Lu that night. Master Lu who was dressed in a black suit smiled at me and kindly comforted me: “don't worry.” After I woke up, I was very grateful for Master Lu's compassion. Master Lu knew about my special situation, so this is a sympathy and a condolence to me. After I recited Buddhist scriptures 4 to 5 months late, my neck and head were able to turn significantly. Such a Dharma blissful change thrilled me. All the trials and perseverance I had gone through in the past had not been in vain. Guan Yin Bodhisattva has boundless supernatural power, which had given me a glimmer of hope for recovery! (Here, I sincerely remind my fellow practitioners: In the absence of illness, recitation of Buddhist scriptures must be respectful. A point of respect harvests a point of benefit.)
3. The unique characteristics of attending the Dharma conference and formally acknowledging Jun Hong Lu as my master allow my physical health to improve with Dharma joy
In February 2017, I befriended a fellow practitioner. She invited me to attend the Macau Dharma Convention together. I thought to myself: “can I take the bus by myself?” “Can I attend the conference?” With a strong faith from my inner heart, I attended the conference via keeping reciting the Great Compassion Mantra on the trip. Unbelievably, I arrived at the conference as I wished with the blessing and protection of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, although my bulky legs could only barely support my body in the seat. I was in tears when I listened Master Lu's wise words and saw the holy icon of Guan Yin Bodhisattva. On the night of the conference, I dreamed of Guan Yin Bodhisattva! Gratitude to Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva for saving me from suffering and giving me a new life. At the end of the Macau Dharma Convention, I instantly made two vows: to be a vegetarian for 15 days per month and liberate 10,000 fish.
Before I attended the Macau Dharma Convention, I had to take a break whenever I walked two steps, and my body was not able to move much. After returning, my legs started to become strong enough to support my body and I could walk on flat ground. Despite they were not very flexible, they were no longer the same as when I was paralyzed like a limp in bed. My whole body is getting better and better in essence, vital energy, and spirit. I was very surprised! Master Lu has enlightened that there are many Buddhas and Bodhisattvas coming to bless attendees at each Dharma conference!
In August 2017, before the Dharma Convention in Malaysia, my fellow practitioners urged me to formally acknowledge Jun Hong Lu as my master. Since I am an illiterate, compassionate fellow practitioners helped me to fill out the application form of seeking discipleship. My fellow practitioners told me that there were so many people wanted to formally acknowledge Jun Hong Lu as their master that I might not be able to reach my wish this time. Then, I had to wait for the opportunity next Dharma Convention. I told myself that whether I could reach my wish or not this time, I would actively participate in Master Lu’s Dharma Convention. Considering my age, it is a blessing for me to attend one more Dharma Convention. To my surprise, one week later, my application for seeking discipleship was approved. Gratitude to Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
On the day of seeking discipleship, I was very excited. During the process of seeking discipleship, I heard a voice in stereo that was very loud. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see Tathagata Buddha, and many other Bodhisattvas coming down from heaven. At that moment, I saw that the upper half of Master Lu's Dharmakaya appeared transparent with a huge lotus flower. I was suddenly moved to tears. I was oblivious to the fact that Master Lu had come to my side until the time of issuing the discipleship certificate. Master Lu was very compassionate and empowered me with blessing. Master Lu enlightened, "Because five people opened their eyes during the worship ceremony, they have no lotuses planted in the pure land. But it's okay, when the ceremony is over, you can go to the front and kowtow to ask the Bodhisattva (to plant a lotus)." I then rushed to the front to worship. Before I finished worshiping Bodhisattva, a young fellow practitioner came over. He asked, "How do you feel? Did you see anything?" I said, "I saw Tathagata Buddha." He asked, "How are you sure that was Tathagata Buddha?" I said, "Both my mother and mother-in-law are Buddhist disciples, and Tathagata Buddha has curly hair."
I was grateful for the compassionate blessing from Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu. When I returned home after seeking discipleship, I made two vows: to be a vegetarian for the rest of my life and never kill (animals). The power of a vow outweighs the force of karma. After I made the vows, Master Lu’s Dharmakaya came to help me heal my legs in my dreams. Once, I saw Master Lu’s Dharmakaya passing by my room while I was half-squinted. Master Lu asked me, "Which foot is uncomfortable? Where is aching?" Instantly I woke up and then I found that my feet didn't feel as heavy as they used to be and I walked more lightly. I excitedly shared the news with my old father, "Master Lu has come to bless me again!" I am grateful to Master Lu for his compassionate care for every sentient being. Every time I dreamed of Master Lu, he would always compassionately endow me with abundance of blessing, and I was always surprised by the improvement in my health.
In a short time, I could not only separate my feet and take turns to walk up and down the stairs independently. Moreover, I could bend back and forth freely with my arms crossed. The bones in my back, which were all misaligned and uneven, were now completely normal again. Previously, I couldn't raise my hands to wash my face, brush my teeth or comb my hair because the bones in my back would pull the nerves and cause severe pain when I raised my hands. In those days, whenever I sneezed or defecated, I felt like to cheat death on pain. In those hellish day I went through unimaginable pain and suffering. Now, however, I can take care of myself completely and move around freely. Sometimes I get a little tired after walking for too long, but I can recover after 10 minutes of rest in bed. Although it is still slightly bumpy while I was walking, if you don't look closely, you can't see it. My family was overwhelmed to see the dramatic change from being paralyzed and bedridden to walking independently since I practised Buddhism. My old father, who was taking care of me at the bedside, complimented me straight away: you have completely changed, becoming healthier and healthier now! I was so excited that I had tears in my eyes. Without the rescue of Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I really wouldn't have the blissful transformation I have today!
In 2019, at the Dharma conferences of Indonesia and Singapore, I pleaded with my fellow practitioners to be merciful to give me the opportunity to volunteer. According to the rules of the Dharma conference, I was already overage. However, I was adamant that I must do volunteer work. Guan Yin Bodhisattva has given me a second life, so I have to serve all sentient beings physically. I am grateful for Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva who helped me out. When I came back from the conferences, I found that I could bend and squat easily and freely, and I had no problem even sitting on the floor. I am grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for compassionately helping me to eliminate my karma at every conference, so that I can obtain incredible blessings and improvement occur every time.
4. The incredible blessing of setting up the Buddhist altar accelerated my health recovery and created a medical miracle.
From the time I set up the Buddhist altar in 2017, I insisted on offering Bodhisattvas incenses morning and evening every day. At first, the body was still straight and could not bend and bow. For two years, in front of the Buddhist altar, I prayed for Bodhisattvas to bless me so that I could recover my health a little better so I can use my own experience as an example to convince sentient beings to gain faith on Dharma and practise Dharma. Gradually, I was able to stand to offer incense to Bodhisattvas, to bend and bow, and finally to kneel in front of the Buddhist altar to recite the scriptures. I was full of Dharma joy! Initially, my back still hurt from kneeling. With the karmic obstacles being removed, my back didn't hurt anymore. Sometimes when I went out with fellow practitioners to set up the Buddhist altar, particularly on the Buddha's Birthday, I could kneel to recite the Eighty-eight Buddhas Great Repentance for an hour and a half. My fellow practitioners couldn't keep it up, so I was the only one who kept it up until the end. I am so grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for Her compassionate blessing!
At one time, the doctor at the provincial hospital told me that I had to have surgery to put two steel plates into the bone, but I refused. Because I firmly believe that with the of blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I am afraid of nothing. Buddha is an extraordinary doctor. The only way to recover completely is to repent sincerely and practise Buddhism. I can now move as freely as a normal person. This medical miracle achieved was completely relied on practising Buddhism, reciting scriptures, being a vegetarian, helping new practitioners to set up Buddhist altars, volunteering at Dharma conferences, and actively propagating the Dharma. To improve my family economic financial, I went out to work on construction sites as a helper, do cleaning and housekeeping!
Those patients who were once slightly paralyzed did not recover as quickly and well as I did, even with surgery.
Dear readers, when you see such a dramatic change in me, what are you hesitating for? Hurry up and pick up the Buddhist scriptures to recite! I am the living example, the ironclad evidence. Guan Yin Bodhisattva does exist, and She is Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate, answers any prayers.
Thinking of the bad karma I created in the two bars when I was young, I feel grievously sinful. I have earned ill-gotten wealth, but the karma was produced, and karmic retribution is inescapable. If one hasn't been retributed, the time hasn't come yet. After I got old, all the retribution came to me. Not only did I use up all my money, but I also had to suffer from physical illness and paralysis. I advise everyone to remember Master Lu's enlightenment: Do not do anything that is evil; Do not fail to do good no matter how petty the deed; Do not engage in evil no matter how trivial the deed. Dear readers, please consider it carefully before earning any money, and don’t commit such deep sins as I did for the sake of monetary gain, or else the consequences will follow you!
Without the merciful salvation and blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I would not have been reborn today! I made a few great wows: honour the teacher and respect his teachings, live an ascetic life for lifetime, be a vegetarian lifetime, not kill, not eat eggs, not smoke, not drink; transcend the cycle of rebirth for good and attain enlightenment in one lifetime. In this life, I will follow Guan Yin Bodhisattva to cultivate my mind and change my behaviour and never quit. I will follow my benefactor, the Compassionate father, Master Lu, to propagate Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door and never stop! Although I am over 60 years, I will continue using my own experience as an example to convince sentient beings to gain faith on Dharma and practise Buddhism. Together with my fellow practitioners, I will get up early and go home late to help set up Buddha altars for new practitioners. No matter how far and how difficult the trip is, I will always be strict with myself. I will go wherever I am needed. Even if I am eating, as soon as I receive a mission for propagating Dharma, I will put down my chopsticks and set off without delay.
Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door is peerlessly efficacious, and Guan Yin Bodhisattva is Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate, saves beings from suffering, has supernatural power, and answer all prayers. As long as we have a devout heart and we persist in reciting Buddhist scriptures and practicing Buddhism, no difficulty can defeat us! My physical changes are the most powerful evidence! May my true presentation give some inspiration to those people who are still suffering from illnesses, so that they can acquire faith to practising Buddhism, and pick up the Buddhist scriptures to recite. May more sentient beings having affinity with Buddha break free from delusion and attain enlightenment, balance egoism and altruism, and free from suffering and gain happiness.
My deepest gratitude to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
My deepest gratitude to all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas from ten directions and three periods of time!
My deepest gratitude to the Dharma protectors!
My deepest gratitude to the selfless and altruistic Master Jun Hong Lu!
If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the truth in the presentation, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors, and Master Jun Hong Lu.
I’d also like to seek forgiveness from my fellow Buddhist practitioners.
I, not my fellow practitioners, will be responsible for my own karma!
Shared by: Dharma Practitioner Ganen, Gratitude and Namaste!
Translated by: Frank
Statement by Translator

1. Story was translated from Chinese into English by meaning, not word by word. If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the true meaning of the Chinese version, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors and Master Jun Hong Lu.
   
2. Author Ganen was interviewed by Frank during the translation for the detailed information.
   

Propagation
It would be greatly appreciated if you would forward this presentation to all sentient beings you know, sick or healthy. You will accumulate immeasurable merits and virtues. Saving a life is more meritorious than building a seven-floor pagoda!
Would you like to change your destiny?
We will show you how to do the Five Golden Buddhist Practices of Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door: (1) making vows, (2) reciting Buddhist scriptures (sutras and mantras), (3) performing life liberation, (4) reading Buddhism in Plain Terms, and (5) repenting. You will personally witness how you and your family can achieve physical and mental stability, relief from illness and grievances, wisdom growth, academic progress, career advancement, and family happiness through Dharma. It’s free of charge.
Contact
Buddhist practitioner: Lily
Email: [sunnypurplelily@gmail.com](mailto:sunnypurplelily@gmail.com)
WeChat: HanJing20210820
原文如下:
从瘫痪卧床到行走自如做家政，心灵法门创造了医学奇迹
感恩南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨摩诃萨！
感恩十方三世一切诸佛菩萨！
感恩龙天护法金刚菩萨！
感恩恩师慈父卢军宏台长！
感恩师兄们！
感恩大慈大悲观世音菩萨慈悲，让我能有这个宝贵的机会与大家分享我的学佛经历。我今年62岁，现在是一个能吃、能睡、能走路的正常人了。但是，你们可曾知道，曾经，我是一个连床都起不了、翻身都困难，生活完全无法自理的瘫痪老人！如今，通过学佛念经，我把自己从地狱的苦海里完全挣脱了出来。我要用铁一般的事实告诉大家：学佛念经不仅给了我第二次生命，更让我受益无穷。我要跟大家分享，在这患病的四年里，在没有经历任何手术的情况下，如何让自己从瘫痪到健康的蜕变！愿我今天的分享给有缘人种下菩提种子，让更多的人相信观世音菩萨法力无边，早日学佛念经，离苦得乐！
1. 年轻时开酒吧造恶业，得现世报！
我是家中的长女、婆家的长媳。母亲和婆婆都是学佛人，都劝我也学佛。但是，由于年轻时好胜心强，加之财运不错，36岁左右，我经营两家酒吧，享受挣钱的快乐，根本无心学佛。年轻愚痴的我经营酒吧时靠女色来赚取黑钱，赚的都是不正之财，无形中造了很多恶业。在这种灯红酒绿中生活，我为了金钱利益，让多少人丧失了自己的道德与良知？背后又造成多少个家庭的破裂？又有多少人在酒精的麻痹下做出多少违背伦理道德的事情？弟子在此向观世音菩萨深深忏悔！因果报应丝毫不爽，种恶因得恶果。开酒吧这两年中我所造下的恶业，在十几年后让我得到悲惨的现世报！所以，请大家引以为戒！
2010年我49岁，正逢“三六九”关劫。7月的一天，我的业障大爆发，在家炒菜时突然间倒下。瞬间，我感觉天塌下来，叫天天不应，叫地地不灵。一个原本健康的我从此进入人间地狱般的生活。每天，我吃喝拉撒都在床上，翻身都很困难，没法自己洗手洗脸，吞咽困难，简直生不如死。我从此瘫痪在床。医生说我是腰椎间盘突出。后背的所有骨头都错位。两个膝盖骨头坏死，肿得很大。当地市里、省里大大小小的医院我都看过了。我几乎把我做酒吧生意所赚到的几十万块钱都花光了。然而，病情越来越严重。
2. 得遇殊胜法门，坎坷学佛路中坚持不懈地修行换来重生
也许是家人一直供佛学佛的福德。承蒙观世音菩萨慈悲，在我人生绝境之时，我终于在2012年得遇心灵法门。以前我开店隔壁的人听说我病倒了，就来看我。她给我送来了经书、念佛机、《白话佛法》、计数器等很多法宝。她告诉我心灵法门很灵验，让我试试。我躺在床上虽然无法动弹，却如饥似渴地把师父的录音听了个遍。听到人们通过学佛念经把癌症、重症都治愈的案例，我惊喜万分。师父的节目录音就像黑暗中的一盏明灯，让我看到了生活的希望，给了我很大的鼓舞。在这个过程中我像被一股强大的能量加持唤醒，激起了求生的强烈欲望。我告诉自己：我一定要活过来；我一定要自己救自己！我像抓住了救命稻草似地开始拼命学佛念经。
我不识字，只能每天躺在床上跟着念佛机一字一句地学着念。由于业力牵引，身边没有遇到善知识教我如理如法地烧送小房子。愚痴的我曾拿个烟灰缸代替盘子烧送经文组合小房子，结果烟灰缸炸掉了。为了抓紧时间消业，我晚上十点后还在念《心经》和《往生咒》，结果家里的灯坏了好几次（趁此机会我诚心提醒师兄们：师父开示，晚上十点后不要念诵《心经》和《往生咒》，请师兄们一定要好好看《心灵法门入门手册》，避免操作不如理不如法）。所以，我们一定要听师父的话，师父不让做的就不做。念经消业的整个过程非常坎坷。真是造业容易，消业难啊！但是，我坚信菩萨法力无边，只要精进努力，一定会得到改变的。于是，我依靠师父录音中的法喜案例作为精神支撑。我一直坚持不懈，不怕万难，拼命念经。
由于吃喝拉撒都在床上，气场非常不好，自己又无法起身，只能躺在床上念经。我内心愧疚又纠结，不知道这样念经是否如理如法？会不会影响念经效果？感恩菩萨慈悲，当晚我就梦见师父了。师父身穿着黑西装，一边慈祥地笑着一边安慰我：不要担心。醒来后，我非常感恩师父的慈悲。师父知道我的特殊情况，这是对我的宽容和安慰啊。后来，大概念经差不多4～5个月后，我的脖子和头也能明显地转动了。这样法喜的变化，让我激动万分。我过去所经历的磨难与坚持都没有白费。观世音菩萨法力无边，让我看到了康复的一丝希望！（作者提醒：师兄们，在没有病痛的情况下，念经一定要体态恭敬，一分恭敬一分受益。）
3. 参加法会与拜师的殊胜，让我的身体不断法喜蜕变
2017年2月份，我结识了一位师兄。她邀请我一起去参加澳门法会。我心想：我能自己坐车吗？能去法会吗？凭着内心坚定的信念，路途中我一直念《大悲咒》。虽然我笨重的双腿只能勉强支撑着身体坐在座位上，但在观世音菩萨一路加持护佑下，我竟然能够如愿到了法会现场。现场听到师父开示、看到观世音菩萨的圣像，我泪如雨下。大法会当天晚上，我就梦到了观世音菩萨！感恩大慈大悲救苦救难观世音菩萨救我于苦海，给了我新的生命和生活。澳门法会结束，我当即发愿：一个月吃素15天，放生一万条鱼。参加澳门法会前，只要走两步路我就要歇一歇，而且我的身体没办法大幅度活动。
澳门法会回来后，我的双腿开始变得有力，可以支撑起身子在平地上走路了。虽然还不是很灵活，但是比起原来像软泥一样瘫痪在床的状态，已经不可同年而语了。我整个人精、气、神也越来越好。我非常惊喜！师父开示过，每场法会有很多佛菩萨来加持大家！
2017年8月，马来西亚法会前，师兄们让我拜师，但我不识字。慈悲的师兄们帮助我代笔填写拜师申请表。师兄们告诉我，这次拜师的人太多，有可能排不上队，得等到下一场法会才有机会。我告诉自己，无论这次能不能拜师，我都一定积极参加师父的法会。我这么大年纪了，能参加多一场法会都是我的福报啊。让我惊喜的是，一个星期后，我的拜师申请通过了。感恩观世音菩萨慈悲！
拜师当天，我激动万分。在拜师过程中，我听到一个非常立体、非常响亮的声音。我睁开眼睛时，我竟然看到了如来佛祖，还有好多菩萨都从天上下来了。这时，我看到师父上半身的法身呈现透明状，有一朵大大的莲花。我顿时感动得泪如雨下。直到颁发弟子证的时候，我浑然不觉师父已经走到我的身边。师父非常慈悲，给我灌顶加持。师父说:“因为拜师过程中有5个人睁开了眼睛，所以莲花没有种上去。不过没关系，等拜师仪式结束后，可以到前面去磕头求菩萨。”我就赶紧跑到前面去拜。我还没拜完，就过来了一个年轻师兄。他问我：“您感觉怎么样？有没有看到什么？” 我告诉他：“我看到如来佛祖了。” 他说：“您怎么确定那是如来佛祖呢？”我说：”我家母和家婆是学佛人，如来佛祖头发卷卷的。”
感恩观世音菩萨与师父的慈悲加持。拜师结束回家我就发愿: 终生吃全素，不杀生。真是愿力大于业力，发愿后，师父又来梦里帮我治疗双腿。有一次，我半眯着眼睛看到师父从我的房间经过。师父问我：“还有哪只脚不舒服？还有哪个地方疼痛的？” 瞬间我就醒了，醒来我发现我的双脚没有了原来的沉重感，走起路来更加轻盈了。我激动地跟老父亲分享：“师父又来加持我啦！”感恩师父慈悲关怀着每一位众生。每次梦见师父，师父都慈悲给予加持，我的身体总会有惊喜的好转。
没过多久，我不仅可以分开双脚，轮流迈开步伐独立上下楼梯。而且，我双手叉腰，可以前后自如地弯腰。后背的骨头原本因为全部错位并高低不平，如今完全恢复正常了。原本我没办法把手举起来洗脸、刷牙和梳头，因为手一抬，后背的骨头扯神经会导致剧烈的疼痛。每次打喷嚏或排泄的时候，都有种痛不欲生的感觉，就像死里逃生一样。这种地狱般的日子让我历经常人难以想象的苦痛折磨。然而现在，我的生活可以完全自理并且行动自如。有时候走太久会有一点点累，但是卧床休息十几分钟就可以恢复过来。虽然走路还有一点点高低现象，但如果不仔细看，是看不出来的。看到我学佛念经以来，从瘫痪卧床到独立行走的巨大变化，我的家人无比震惊。当年在床头边照顾我的老父亲直夸我：现在整个人完全变了，变得越来越健康了！我激动得泪眼婆娑。没有观世音菩萨与师父的大慈大悲救苦救难，真的不会有我今天的法喜蜕变！
2019年印尼法会和新加坡法会上，我恳请师兄们慈悲给我做义工的机会。按照法会规定，我已经超龄了。但是，我坚决一定要做义工。观世音菩萨给了我第二次生命，我就要身体力行地为众生服务。感恩观世音菩萨的慈悲，让我能如愿以偿。从法会做完义工回来，我发现我可以轻松自如地弯腰和下蹲，就连坐在地板上也没有问题了。感恩菩萨每次法会上都慈悲帮我消业，让我每次都能有不可思议的加持，变化。
4. 设佛台的不可思议加持，加速我身体恢复健康，创造医学奇迹
从2017年设佛台起，我每天坚持上早晚香。起初，身体还是直直的，不能弯腰鞠躬。两年里，我每天在佛台前上香求菩萨加持，让我身体能恢复得更好一些，能为众生表法。慢慢地，我从站着上香到弯腰鞠躬，到最后可以跪在佛台前念经。真是法喜充满啊！刚开始跪着后背还是很痛。随着业障的消除，我的后背也不疼痛了。有时候和师兄们出去设佛台，遇到佛诞日，我跪着念诵《礼佛大忏悔文》足足有一个半小时的时间。许多师兄都坚持不下来，唯独我坚持到结束。真是感恩菩萨慈悲加持！
曾经，省医院的医生告诉我，必须做手术把两块钢板放进骨头里，但我回绝了。因为我坚信有观世音菩萨和师父两座靠山，我什么都不怕。在因果面前，佛是大药王。唯有诚心忏悔，学佛修行才能彻底康复。我完全靠学佛念经吃素、设佛台、参加法会做义工，积极弘法度人，才创造了医学奇迹：现在和正常人一样行动自如。我甚至去工地做小工，搞卫生、做家政弥补家用！那些曾经轻微瘫痪的患者就算做手术，也没有我恢复得快，恢复到如此好的状态。
读者朋友们，你们看到我如此天翻地覆的变化，还犹豫什么呢？赶快捧起经书念经吧！我就是活生生的例子，铁一般的证据。观世音菩萨真实存在，并且大慈大悲有求必应啊！
现在回想起年轻时开酒吧所造下的恶业，真是罪孽深重。不正之财赚到了，可是，因果报应丝毫不爽，不是不报，时候未到。在我人到老年时，所有的报应一涌而来。不但钱财全部用尽，还要遭受肉体病痛的瘫痪之苦，因果不空啊！奉劝大家一定要谨记师父的教诲：诸恶莫作，众善奉行！不以善小而不为；不以恶小而为之！挣任何钱财之前都要三思，切记不可为了金钱利益而像我一样造下如此深重的罪孽，否则果报如影随形！
没有观世音菩萨和师父的慈悲救度与加持，就没有我今天的重生！弟子许愿尊师重道、一生清修、终生吃全素、不杀生、不吃鸡蛋、不抽烟、不喝酒；一世修成，永断轮回。今生跟着观世音菩萨修心修行，永不退转。跟着恩师慈父卢军宏台长弘扬心灵法门永不停息！我虽然60多岁了，但是我要身体力行地为大家表法，起早贪黑地和共修组师兄们一起去助缘设佛台。无论路程多么遥远，多么艰辛，我都严格要求自己。哪里需要我，我就走到哪里。哪怕我在吃饭，只要接到弘法任务，我一定当即放下筷子，一刻也不能耽误地出发。
心灵法门灵验无比，观世音菩萨大慈大悲，救苦救难，法力无边，有求必应。只要我们有一颗虔诚的心，只要我们坚持念经修行，没有什么困难可以打倒我们！我的身体变化就是最有力的证据！愿我的真实分享给那些还在受着病痛折磨的人们一些启发，让大家生起学佛念经的信念，捧起经书念经，愿更多的有缘众生能够早日破迷开悟，自利利他，离苦得乐！
我的分享结束了，分享中如有不如理不如法的地方，请观世音菩萨慈悲原谅！请十方三世一切诸佛菩萨和龙天护法菩萨慈悲原谅！请师父慈悲原谅！请师兄们批评指正！我自己的业障自己背，不让师兄们背！感恩合十！
分享人：感恩～全素
2022-02-28
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https://www.bostonherald.com/2024/05/18/howie-carr-karen-read-trial-is-a-corrupt-canton-townie-sideshow/
POSTED: Howie Carr: Karen Read trial is a corrupt Canton townie sideshow
PUBLISHED: May 18, 2024 at 4:25 p.m. UPDATED: May 18, 2024 at 4:27 p.m.
Paul Revere used to summer every year in Canton, but he wouldn’t recognize the place today.
One thing, though, hasn’t changed since the 18th of April in ’75 — the locals still love their midnight rides, but with one big difference.
Paul Revere wasn’t hammered out of his mind when he was on horseback, spreading the alarm to every Middlesex village and farm.
Through the first 14 days of the Karen Read murder trial in Dedham, we have learned much about life in the Town of Canton, post-Paul Revere.
As you know, Read is accused of murdering her boyfriend, BPD cop John O’Keefe, by drunkenly running him over in a snowstorm in January 2022.
His body was found outside the home of another BPD officer, who has since sold the house, gotten rid of his phone and dog and abruptly retired from the job, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
How screwed up is this case? Well, the feds are all over it like white on rice.
Read’s defense attorneys have said the G-men’s accident-reconstruction experts have concluded that O’Keefe couldn’t possibly have been killed by a car.
Then there are all those texts that haven’t been “mistakenly” deleted…
The state’s lead investigator is thisclose to the Hibernian hillbillies who are up to their eyeballs in this mess.
According to opening statements, State Trooper Michael Proctor’s first thought when he was assigned the case was to text his Canton high-school buddies. He told them he was already searching online for nude photos of Karen Read.
Proctor is now under investigation by MSP Internal Affairs — if only because it’s the feds who discovered his texts, rather than the corrupt Staties themselves.
How will Proctor do on cross-examination? Do you remember an LAPD detective by the name of Mark Fuhrman?
Back on the stand Tuesday will be Jen McCabe. She’s the one who’s missing one of her front teeth.
Don’t confuse Toothy McCabe with Julie Albert. Julie is the one who chews gum while testifying. Her father’s name is/was Jack Daniels — coincidence?
Julie is married to Chris Albert. He did a six-month state bit in 1995 after killing a Hungarian exchange student in a hit-and-run accident.
His public defender was one John Prescott, whose sister is the judge in the case — Beverly Cannone. She’s a lifelong payroll patriot from Quincy, like the rotund district attorney, Meatball Mike Morrissey.
If you want to hide something real good, just stick it in one of Judge Cannone’s law books.
From her courtroom rulings, Cannone seems to believe that the synonym for “exculpatory” is “excluded,” as in, if the evidence is exculpatory for Karen Read, it’s excluded.
Chris Albert, by the way, is a Canton selectman. As the only jailbird in the fight, he was elected in a landslide. Forget it Jake — it’s Canton.
Even if you haven’t been paying close attention, there are easy ways to figure out who’s who. The townies — which is everyone except the defendant — all pronounce their hometown not as “Canton” but as “Can-UHN.”
Here’s how the examination begins after each witness is sworn in.
Where do you live? Can-UHN. Where were you born? Can-UHN. Where did you go to high school? Can-UHN High.
Have you ever been anywhere else? Yes, once I drove to a packy… in Stough-UHN.
Selectman Albert owns the local pizza parlor. On the night John O’Keefe died outside his brother’s house, he closed his shop, then walked across the street to a local dive where he ordered “appetizers.” That’s how good his own restaurant is.
Then, meeting up with the rest of the Can-UHN townies, the selectman ordered the usual — a round of Fireballs. How Canton is it?
After last call, he offered to take the crapulous crew back to his pizzeria for some free eats. Everybody said… nah.
Almost all these people live, or did live, in the same houses they grew up in, bought by their parents 50 years ago as they fled Boston after the start of busing.
Lucky for them they inherited these tear-downs, because otherwise most of them would have already fled back to their natural habitat — trailer parks.
See, Canton’s on the commuter-rail line, so housing prices have been going up, up and away. It’s only a matter of time until all these low-rent losers are priced out.
So resentment is simmering among the old Can-UHN crowd. They don’t like what’s happening — just last year, their favorite hang-out, Big D’s Neponset Grill, went out of business.
It was the last place in town where you could get a fried-baloney sandwich. Now that was some really fine Can-UHN cuisine.
What must the U.S. attorney be thinking as he watches this legal lynching unfold in deepest, darkest Dedham? The defense has said in open court that the feds already have a proffer — a deal — with the only witness who didn’t go to Can-UHN High.
The hack prosecutor did not dispute the statement.
Judge Cannone has instructed all the parties not to mention that federal grand jury, where at least three cops have apparently told conflicting stories from what they testified before Meatball’s state grand jury.
But the other day, one of the younger witnesses was asked who’s questioned him about O’Keefe’s death.
“The feds,” he blurted out in front of the jury.
Well, what could you expect? He went to Can-UHN High.
This trial is drawing a huge audience. Unlike Trump’s kangaroo-court case in New York, there are cameras in the Dedham courtroom. Live streaming coverage.
And Karen Read is not guilty. Tensions are running high. There have been fights and restraining orders — and that’s just among the reporters.
Aidan “Turtleboy” Kearney is the blogger who’s made the case into a national story. He’s been barred from the courtroom for certain witnesses — the “McAlberts,” as he calls the Alberts and the McCabes.
The McAlbert witnesses begin weeping when they talk about Turtleboy. He makes them want to spit out their chewing gum and order another round of Fireballs.
How dare he call their hero Jailbird Chris Albert “Chicken Parm Charlie?”
I have Turtleboy on my radio show most afternoons. On Friday, he said Jen McCabe has a worse set of teeth than George Washington did.
The most appealing thing about this case is that you can watch it and feel better about your own hometown. In Holbrook, they listen to Chicken Parm Charlie and realize that he makes their ex-selectman Daniel Lee look like Daniel Webster.
In Methuen, they see Canton’s Keystone Cops and think, you know, maybe Chief Solomon wasn’t that bad after all…
If Paul Revere could only see what’s become of Canton, he’d put the spurs to Brown Beauty and keep riding. Only instead of “The British are coming!” he’d be yelling something different. “The white trash are coming!”

(Ftm) I gave birth on may 5th. It was honestly funny because I was scheduled for an induction at 8 in the morning but my water broke around 4am. I was getting up from bed to go to the restroom and hadn't even gotten up from the edge and my water broke all over the bed and when I got up it was still dripping out. We went to the hospital a bit after 2 hours. They told me I was around 2-2.5cm. I got some painkillers but they didn't help. I got more painkillers given by a needle which helped alot for an hour or two. When I was 3-4cm I got to go to the birthing room. It was alot more comfortable with more space and I got to try the tub for pain relief. The midwife helped me get in it and I layed in the tub for a while breathing through my contractions. I waited for her to be back to help me out and I dried myself and layed back on the hospital bed. She asked about getting an epidural when it was getting too painful for me and I said maybe. She called the doctor into the room to do it. She also put a kanyl to my hand and drops to keep increasing the contractions because they were decreasing. After the epidural was done I was not in any pain at all and slept multiple hours. I was 6cm dilated at this point. The rest of the birth didn't take long. I remember that at the end I felt alot of pressure on my butt. I wasn't really sure if I would give birth then. It started getting more painful so we called them into the room and she said I was 10 cm dilated. I was surprised because it was only 6cm last time. She asked if I wanted to start pushing and I said yes. She called another person into the room to take the time of birth. She felt on my stomach for the contractions and told me when I need to push. I pushed for 13 mins. The midwife put her on top of me after she was born. My stomach hurt alot from that. I was exhausted. The night was bad because she was crying alot and they asked if we wanted them to take care of her and we said yes. Its been great after that though! First days were just exhausting. (I got also my pee emptied out twice during the labor because they said it might help the process.), (also used laughing gas for pain relief and stress relief).

I recently got all 4 wisdom teeth out April 26th. I had the usual swelling and bruising, after about 2 and a half weeks the swelling had went down and I was fully recovered able to open jaw to full amount and didn’t have any pain nor did I ever get dry socket so everything was good until 2 days ago i woke up with an uncomfortable feeling on my right side of the lower jaw i felt it and felt a hard bump along my jaw but only on my right side, there is mild swelling but it is not going down. it does not hurt when I open my mouth only when pushing on the area nor is it sensitive when i touch it. I don’t know what to do whether to wait this out and let the swelling go down or see my oral surgeon again. I’ve been icing my face and I even took some Naproxen to try to help with the swelling even drank pineapple juice and still nothing. Any help or advice will be appreciated!

This is more of an emotional rant than anything. To preface, I love my LO more than anything. She brings me so much joy every day and I never knew it was possible to love a human so much. But I am exhausted. She was born eyes wide open and has been super alert and restless since day one. She doesn’t sleep without constant bouncing/walking/rocking the hell out of her. She also has horrible GERD issues which makes her colicky and it’s bad where even burping is painful for her. She’s woken up in her bassinet choking on vomit so many times that now every nap is a contact nap. We have tried probiotics, gas drops, me cutting out dairy and gluten since she’s EBF, sitting her up, plenty of tummy time, and even baby Pepcid which we stopped after 2 weeks. Shes super sensitive to noise that even breathing too loudly while she’s asleep will wake her up, even with white noise going. She is also sensitive to other people and takes days to warm up to a new family member without screaming. She’s 3 months now and everyone keeps saying she will grow out of it and it will get better eventually.
Yesterday we visited her little cousin who is only a week old. I’m still working out my feelings on it, but he slept peacefully in his moms arms while all the adults talked and laughed. His mom doted on how she has to wake him up just to eat and he does so well with everything. We never had that. In fact our LO actively fought a nap the entire time we were there and then proceeded to get overtired and fussy which happens every time. When our baby was a week old all she did was scream because she was miserable with her tummy issues.
I love her more than anything and I would never trade places with anyone, I think I’m just grieving in a weird way. I’ve read things about taking babies to restaurants or the store or how we should cherish the sleepy newborn phase while it lasts. But I’m running on 4 hours of sleep each night for the past three months and sometimes I wish she would just sleep like a normal baby, which then gives me horrible mom guilt. I do remind myself that she has hit her milestones early because of her alertness and she smiles and laughs in between the screams, which I try to do as well. And I love her for who she is no matter how hard it gets. But it’s just hard, really really hard sometimes. Rant over.

Whatever you do, never drink to cure a mental issue.
First
Previous
You know the drill: credit to SpacePaladin15 for the universe.
Thank you JulianSkies for proofreading.
Memory Transcription Subject: Gillab, Gojid Citizen, Father
Date [Standardized Human Time]: March 28, 2142
I made sure to wake up as early as possible so I could do what I needed to do before Billy woke up. First things first, get rid of all the liquor in that fridge. If Billy was going to get better, the first thing he needed to do was stop drinking. He was only running from his problems and as long as he had that out he was going to take it.
I pulled a trash bag in front of the fridge, propped it open as best I could, and started stuffing it full of bottles. Cheap Venlilian liquor was being poured down the drain by the second, it almost made me feel bad for anything living in the sewers. This stuff had enough alcohol in it to kill someone, a rat would be dead in seconds.
By the time I poured the last bottle down the drain, I had probably sanitized the entirety of the New York sewer system. I hoisted the bag onto my back, making sure not to break the bag with my quills, and started to make my way to the dumpster. Thankfully Billy’s apartment was on the first floor so the journey wasn’t too long.
I tossed the bag into the dumpster carelessly, causing a few of the bottles to break when they hit the others that had been thrown in yesterday. It was only the second day, but I felt like we had already made some progress. I was able to make him admit he was just scared of feeling the pain of his memories, even if it was only accidental. Small steps were still steps, now all I had to do was make him realize that he didn’t deserve this. I have a feeling that once he jumps that hurdle, everything should come much easier.
A familiar song brought me out of my thoughts, drawing my attention to my phone. I had changed the ringtone to the first Human song I had ever heard, T-Shirt, to always remind me of my time on the Cradle. I pulled out my phone and accepted the call, smiling as I saw just who it was.
“High sweety, having a good morning?”
The camera shook up and down in sync with my daughter's face. “Yeah, but I wish you were here.”
“Oh sweety, I know you do, but I have some important work to do and I can’t come home. Just know that I will always love you. Now you have a good day at school, you hear?”
“Mmhm, I will. Here’s mommy.”
The camera shook again as it passed from my daughter’s claws to my wife’s. In the background, I could hear the chitter of my daughter’s voice and then rapid footsteps away. When the camera stopped shaking, I was met by the most beautiful woman in existence.
“Hello, Sweet-fruit.”
Kirala smiled and tilted her head. “Hello, my big guolo tree. I missed you this morning.”
“I missed you too. I had to sleep on an uncomfortable couch and I think it messed up my back a bit.”
“Oh, how the mighty veteran is felled! Surviving a plasma wound to the chest but felled by the mightier couch.”
I flicked an ear in amusement. “To be fair, it was one vicious couch.”
I couldn’t help but melt at her laugh, it was like sunshine during the darkest night. It was light and cheerful and genuine, and I couldn’t imagine myself living without it.
With a final few chuckles, Kirala pulled herself together enough to respond. “Well, it sounds like you need to wear some armor to bed then.”
I feigned a thoughtful expression. “Maybe I will, I already sleep with clothes on.”
She threw her head back in disgust. “Ugh, I still don’t know how you do that. I still feel a little uncomfortable when I wear them when I’m awake, I couldn’t imagine sleeping with them.”
“It’s an acquired taste, you’ll come around.”
“Mmhm, I’m suuure.”
I sighed. “How’s Julaly doing?”
“Well, she misses you, obviously, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. She was good yesterday, but we both wished you had given us a little more of a warning. I didn’t expect your little trip to the memorial to turn into an impromptu therapy session.”
“Sweet-fruit, you know I wish I could have too. It was sprung on me just as much as you. I’m just glad I found him when I did, do you know what I found in his room? A suicide note.”
Kirala gasped slightly. “Oh dear I… I really-”
“It’s fine. I didn’t know either. But just think, if I had come back for just one day, he would be dead. I made the right call here, even if I was torn at the time.”
“You need to get back to him then.”
“I’ve got a little longer. He’s still asleep. I was throwing away some alcohol when you called me, and when I get some free time I’m going to go to the nearby bars and tell them not to serve him. Today I’m thinking I’ll try and get him to go to a veterans’ meeting so he can connect with some others like him, let him know he’s not alone and it’s not just me who cares about him.”
“Still, you should go back to him. And stay safe. He sounds unstable, just keep an eye on him.”
“Sweet-fruit, he’s not dangerous.”
“You don’t know what’s going on in his head. Promise me you will stay safe.”
“I promise.”
“Like you mean it.”
“I promise with all of my heart that I will stay safe.”
“Good, now get back to it. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
The call blinked out and left me staring at my home screen. It was true that I missed them both dearly, even a day without them left me longing, but I knew what I was doing was right. Billy needed someone to save him, and I was the only one available. Kirala was right, I needed to get back to it. I couldn’t leave Billy alone for too long, it would only end in disaster.
As soon as the door clicked open, Billy descended upon me. “Gillab, what did you do?! Where’s the liquor?!”
I stepped past him and made my way to the living room. “I threw it all away. You were poisoning yourself and I needed to put an end to it.”
Billy was stunned for a moment. “You fucking- GILLAB! Get the FUCK out of my house!”
“I’m not going anywhere! Not until you heal!”
Billy looked back and forth, raising his arms in frustration. “What the FUCK does that even mean?! You keep spouting this fucking ‘healing’ word like it’s some catch-all miracle wonder word that means everything!”
“I mean, you need to come to terms with what you’ve done, accept them, and move on! Otherwise, you are just going to rot in this room for all eternity. You are so much better than this, and you know it. You are strong enough to carry on, and you know this. You know, deep down, that you don’t deserve this life. But you are stuck thinking that you do! I saw you at the memorial and I literally didn’t recognize you, remember? That is how much you have changed, but it doesn’t have to stay like this. You can end the pain, and not in that way, all you have to do is trust me. And not just say that you do.”
I paused for a moment to catch my breath. “You said that you would go through the motions for me, right? This is just another motion. The next one is to find other veterans who are or have been through what you have and talk to them. They will make you realize that you aren’t trash or a parasite or any of that! It’s just another motion, right?”
Billy growled and stormed towards me. “You are on thin fucking ice right now.”
“Good. It means you care. Now sit down, we are going to set up a meeting with a group of veterans.”
“I don’t want to go meet some fucking soldier. I’m fine without that.”
“It’s just the motions, right? Humor me.”
With a deep sigh, Billy sat in the chair across from me. That was all I needed to see to confirm it, Billy really did want help, he just couldn’t even admit it to himself.
“You still haven’t given me your promised speech from yesterday. The hour-long one about how much I don’t deserve what I’m doing to myself.”
“Oh trust me, it’s coming. But right now we are going to set up a date for you to meet a veterans’ group. After that, let’s clean up a little more, get some food, maybe go for a walk in a park, then you’ll get the speech. Okay?”
Billy rolled his eyes and waited for me to pull up a website. After a bit of scrolling, I found a phone number I could call to find a meeting time. I prepared everything and set the phone on the table, but didn’t call yet.
“Okay Billy, I’m leaving this up to you. All you have to do is say your name and ask for a time you can come to the meeting.”
“Why can’t you set it up for me?”
“That’s not how it works. You need to be the one that calls them, not me. Plus, I don’t think they would accept me signing you up. The person coming has to be the one to set it up. Are you ready?”
Billy sighed. “Yeah.”
I called the number, set the phone on a table between Billy and I, and waited. After a few rings, a man began to speak.
“Hello, you have reached Richard’s group therapy for veterans, how can I help you?”
Billy looked up to me for guidance, to which I only motioned for him to speak to the man. “H-hi Richard, m-my name is Billy. I was… wondering if I-I could join your next meeting.”
“Oh course, we are always open for more. You didn’t even need to call, you could have just shown up at the meeting. We accept anyone and everyone at any time. Our next meeting is tomorrow at noon if you are available. If not, the next one is that same day at six-thirty.”
Billy glanced at me twice before giving his answer. “The… six-thirty one sounds good.”
He was pushing it back as much as he could, but at least he would get to it eventually. There was some quiet clacking in the background before the man responded. “Great, I’ve reserved you a seat. I’m happy to have you join us. Is there anything else you need?”
“No, that’s all. See you tomorrow.”
Billy set his phone down and sighed deeply. His face quickly changed from concerned and awkward to angry and annoyed. I could see him prepare to say something, but it ended up dying in his throat. Instead, he stood up suddenly and stomped back to his room, wanting to be left alone.

Context
Michael Jackson’s song 'Smooth Criminal' featured on his seventh album Bad (1987). The song is about a woman being attacked in their apartment. It used the refrain “Annie Are You Ok?” which is used to teach students CPR on CPR mannequin Annie (Wikipedia, 2023). “Resusci Anne was developed by the Norwegian toy maker Åsmund S. Lærdal and the Austrian-Czech physician Peter Safar and American physician James Elam” (Wikipedia, 2023). The oldest version is the proto-CPR mannequin of the world. It was invented after Asmund “was alerted to… physicians and engineers in Baltimore that had a new and much more effective method for resuscitation, involving mouth-to-mouth breathing”. The creation was sentimental as Tore, his son, had experienced drowning. The doll was modelled after the face of the death mask, ‘L’ inconnue de la Seine’ translated from French to English meaning ‘The unknown of the Seine’ (A rich heritage, 2023). They chose the face of a young female as male doctors would’ve felt uncomfortable practising on a same-sexed doll . Additionally, to resurrect a girl “millions of times is at the centre of a macabre mystery.”
Legend
Legend states, a young female corpse was pulled from the river Seine, the death mask was moulded on the corpse's face by a pathologist as they were beheld by her beauty. The corpse awaited with other bodies for identification which never came in the Paris Morgue. This practise was real as “two-thirds of the corpses dealt with by the morgue fished out of the Seine" were "suicides, accidental drownings or murders” (The Guardian, 2007).
Eric Nadeau stated "the pathologist asked for a mould to be made of the young woman’s face and the closest moulder was [their] very own Michel Lorenzi who founded Artlier Lorenzi, a molding workshop founded in 1871 “19, Rue Racine” (Morgan, 2017) . A suggestion from a now deleted post by users: and the link provided by in this thread provided contradicting info, Phoebe Judge stated that Eric Nardeau stated that the mask wasn’t created of a corpse, but Lorenzi stated in a 1914 French interview, but of a living model in 1866. The mask was made due to the model's popularity with other artists (The unknown woman, p.8, 2023).
According to Nadeau: “Michel Lorenzi, who was from an old moulding family based in a small village near Lucca, Italy and arrived in Paris around 1850” (Morgan, 2017). Although, another source stated that “Michel had a house in Piano. di Coreglia, came to settle in Paris around 1868” (LORENZI Pierre- Sculptor, n.d). It's possible the mask wasn't created in France but Italy according to the date Michel Lorenzi moved and the creation year of the mask provided by Nadeau.
Debunkers
Claire Forestier, a descendant of the original Lorenzi stated the death mask’s face has " full, rounded cheeks ... smooth skin…[usually akin to] casts taken from living faces [as they are] are so clear, so detailed, that when you look at the eyelids you can just see the eyeballs' movement underneath. That's the case with the Inconnue" (The Guardian, 2007).
“… moored at their headquarters near the Pont d'Austerlitz, Chief Brigadier Pascal Jacquin was less than convinced that the girl was dead when the mask was made” according to them “the drowned and suicides, they never look so peaceful. They're swollen, they don't look nice" (Grange, 2013).
"In 1960, Pierre Lièvre reported to the magazine "Chercheurs et Curieux." The interview stated the then owner of Atelier Lorenzi's ancestor (presumably Michel Lorenzi) had "molded the Inconnue at the request of a forensic doctor, as quoted on March 28, 2020 in the "Cousu Main editions blog titled "L'Inconnue de la Seine" on cousumain.worldpress.com"". The writer Jean Ducourneau, whilst writing The Church of Céline "(referenced below) [35, 36]", made a visit to rue Racine, they wrote the found that the mask "had been lifted on the face of a very pretty workshop model, reminding us that it is technically impossible for this mask to have been lifted on a corpse," reiterating the technical impossibility of this veil being lifted from a deceased body. "(In fact very quickly the rigidity cadaver blocks the mandibular joint and the smile would rather have been a rictus or a grimace)"
Origin of the Legend
“The name L'Inconnue de la Seine is quite late and probably dates from Ernst Benkard's collection of photographs in 1926 [25, 26] … placed the Unknown Woman of the Seine on the cover of his collection of death masks, Das ewige Antlitz (The Eternal Face) [Figure 20]. The book was published in 1926. The myth of her death mask probably originates from Rainer Maria Rilke’s Cahiers de Malte Laurids Brigge, published in Germany in 1910, in French 1911*.* “Rilke arrived in Paris in 1902 and stayed at 3 rue de l'Abbé-de-l'Épée near rue Racine. [He] mentions the mask of the Unknown woman associated with that of Beethoven, in the window of the molder Lorenzi, rue Racine. “The face of the young drowned woman that was cast in the morgue, because it was beautiful and because it smiled, because it smiled so deceptively . ". [23L page 72 Points edition] [Figure 11].” (Jean-Pierre, 2022).
Beginning Art History
According to Gaelle-Salliot (2017), Lorenzi’s grandniece stated that the death mask was first used for the 19th tetes d’expression at Ecole Beaux Arts. The author cited Edourd Papet’s (2008, p. 20) fact that the death mask was earliest depicted in Charles Bargue and Jean Leon-Gerome’s cours de dessin a drawing manual which features a drawing of Homer. She is depicted in Figure 2 (Gaëlle-Salliot, 2017, p.7). This drawing manual didn't reference a story of that of drown girl etc.
Potential real facts about the Jane Doe
An alternative name for the live cast is ‘La Belle Italienne’, from Frenct to English meaning, ‘The Beautiful Italian’. She’s seen in A. Daprato & Co. Boston, Manufacturer of Plastic Arts. “Several plaster casts manufacturer in the United States added a portrait of the girl in their [catalogue] collection, but in all [catalogue] she is named as La Belle Italienne. Why Italian?. This is a curious fact, it is a true information or an error because the girl was unknown?” She is seen with the name in “P.P. Caproni & Bro. Boston, Plastic Arts. 1911 cat [-ologue]. Masks n° 13525 La Belle Italienne, from life $ 1,00” (Felice, 2012). “Forestier thinks she must have been at most 16 for her skin to be so firm and smooth” (The Guardian, 2007). “According to the draughtsman Georges Villa, who received this information from his master, the painter Jules Joseph Lefebvre, the impression was taken from the face of a young model who died of tuberculosis around 1875, but no trace of the original cast remained” (M, Bessy, 1981 cited by Wikipedia, 2023)”. However, according to Marious Grout, the model was famous and working for “artists around 1875” (Gaëlle-Salliot, pp.6-7, 2015).
False leads
According to Alvarez (2015) the model of mask gained success in German with their father in a Hamburg factory that reproduced the mask (Gaëlle-Salliot, 2017). This fact doesn’t lead to anywhere. She was also identified as a Russian prostitute named Valerie who committed suicide, buried in Pere- Lachaise (Gaëlle-Salliot, 2017). Although, this comes from the fictional book The Mask by William Wood (G. E. W. H, 1951, p.6). As well as, Ewa Lazlo, a creation of John Goto, who wrote a fictional investigative story identifying the model. They “assumed that people would have a postmodern view and treat it as fictional," and they "really didn't expect [people] to take it seriously" as people online took his story to be factual (Grange, 2013).
Conclusion
She has the artistic reverence and mystery of a once youthful girl alike Afghan girl. “In light of the Cold War, the portrait was described as the "First World's Third World Mona Lisa"” according to S. Hesford and Kozol (2005) cited by Wikipedia, 2023. A title formally given to L’ inconnue de la Seine “because of her mysterious smile, “Mona Lisa of suicide” (Aragon)” (Jean-Pierre, 2022). The legend casts a great shadow over her identity, as the story ends with a corpse; she is muse who’s story is reinvented time and time again. It is possible that not resources all have been exhausted, there is potentially more information that could be obtained by the Artlier Lorenzi. Additionally, we still don’t known the causes-effects that lead to Georges Villa obtaining information about her, it is possible that other documents about this figure exist from this contemporary art community . If this person is Italian - a small possibility – this person’s life could have been documented in Italian records waiting for a face to match the details.
TLDR: An unidentified model possibly of Italian origin, was used to create a live cast of a bust. It was recreated repeatedly. The bust was misreported to a be a “death mask” of girl who drowned in the river Seine, in late 19th century France, from a pathologist in awe of her beauty created the mask. Long after, she became a muse for many artists. Then, she became the model of the first CPR doll in the 1960s. Finally, the victim of a melodic tragedy ‘Smooth Criminal’. No one knows the model’s identity.
Fact-file
Name: Unknown
Age: 16+/- (The Guardian, 2007)
Born: 1850+/- (Based upon the possible creation year of the mask from The unknown woman, p.8, 2023 and possible age range of the model from the Guardian, 2007)
Modelled: 1866? (The Unknown woman, p.8, 2023)
Death year: 1875? (Bessy, 1981 cited by Wikipedia, 2023)
Death cause: Tuberculosis? (Bessy, 1981 cited by Wikipedia, 2023)
Ethnicity: Italian? (Felice, 2012)
Occupation: Model for live casts
Place of work: Lucca, Italy (LORENZI Pierre- Sculptor, n.d) or Artlier Lorenzi, France (Morgan, 2017)?
Employer: Michel Lorenzi (The Guardian, 2007 et al.)
References:

• Bessy, Maurice (1981). 'Mort, où est ton visage?' Monaco: Éditions du Rocher via Wikipedia (2023). 'L' inconnue de la Seine'. Available at: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27Inconnue_de_la_Seine [Accessed: 18th March 2024]
• Felice, Andrea (2012). ''La Belle Italienne'. FELICECALCHI The Plaster Casting Journal'. Available at: https://felicecalchi.blogspot.com/2012/05/la-belle-italienne.html [Accessed: 7th Dec 2023]
• Gaëlle-Salliot, Anne (2015). 'Drowned Muse: Casting the Unknown Woman of the Seine Across the Tides of Modernity'. Oxford University Press. Available at: https://books.google.com/books?id=1QBlCgAAQBAJ [Accessed: 18th March 2024]
• 'G. E. W. H' (1951). The Sydney Morning Herald. Available at: https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=tPkQAAAAIBAJ&pg=PA6&dq=The+Sydney+Morning+Herald+l%27inconnue+de+la+seine&article_id=2195,5150417&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiDqpGim5iGAxX8_7sIHQwoB7UQ6AF6BAgHEAI [Accessed: 6th Dec 2023]
• Guardian (2007). 'Ophelia of the Seine'. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2007/dec/01/france.art [Accessed: 6th Dec 2023]
• Grange, Jeremy (2013). 'Resusci Anne and L'Inconnue: The Mona Lisa of the Seine'. BBC News. Available at: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24534069. [Accessed: 6th Nov 2023]
• Jean-Pierre, Haberer (2022). 'From “The Unknown Woman of the Seine” to Resusci Anne'. CHAR-fr. 22nd Nov 2022. Available at: https://char-fr.net/*Haberer-Jean-Pierre*.html [Accessed: 18th March 2024]
• LORENZI Pierre- Sculptor (n.d). 'Monumentsmorts'. Available at: https://monumentsmorts.univ-lille.fauteu1881/lorenzipierre/ [Accessed: 7th Dec 2023]
• Morgan, Emma (2021). ''Journées du patrimoine: Meet the maker behind world's most kissed face'.' Connexion France. Available at: https://beta.connexionfrance.com/tag/art [Accessed: 9th Dec 2023]
• One Million Lives, (2023). 'A rich Heritage'. Available at: https://one-million-lives.com/a-rich-heritage/ [Accessed: 6th Dec 2023]
• This is criminal (2023). 'Episode 223: The Unknown Woman Air Date: June 16, 2023'. VOX MEDIA [Online]. Available at: https://www.connexionfrance.com/article/People/Interviews/Atelier-Lorenzi-historic-moulding-studio-workshop-opens-doors-to-public-for-one-day-for-Journees-du-patrimoine. [Accessed: 6th Dec 2023] p.8
• Wikipedia (2023). 'Afghan Girl'. Available at: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afghan_Girl [Accessed: 7th Dec, 2023]
• Wikipedia (2023). 'L'inconnue de la Seine (masque mortuaire)'. Available at: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27Inconnue_de_la_Seine [Accessed: 8th Dec 2023]
• Wikipedia (2023). 'Resusci Annie'. Available at: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resusci_Anne [Accessed: 6th Dec 2023]
• Wikipedia (2023). 'Smooth Criminal'. Available at: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smooth_Criminal [Accessed: 6th Dec 2023]

Nature of Humanity Ch 67 A NoP fic
Under Pressure Part 10
A Fanfic of u/SpacePaladin15’s work “The Nature of Predators.” Thank you for the story!
___
Memory transcription subject: Silvera, Factory 13 Manager
Date [standardized human time]: November 4th, 2136
If it wasn't for the clearly artificial sky above my head someone could possibly convince me I was outside in a new park. The neon blue screen with a white dot to represent the sun was nothing like the actual pale gray visage a mile above. Yet, it did have an enjoyable warmth to it.
A smooth artificial wind swept through the saplings ensuring that they would develop healthy stress wood. It also pleasantly cooled the fur of anyone in here, providing a nice little respite from the heater simulating the sun's unbearable hatred of us. Fuck you fake sun!
Any flora used to decorate the park would be exotic to Frozen Mountain, even if it came from the nearby tundra, but my humans decided to do something interesting. While they had covered most of the ground with a soft short-growing Terran clover, they chose to make the rest of the decorative plants functional. All of the saplings were different types of fruit trees that, when mature, would be free for anyone to harvest as much as they want. Even the decorative topiary isn't hardy tasteless plants, but berry bushes that would provide a variety of sweet treats relatively soon.
Agurcorp was more than happy to allow its failed startup out here to be turned into a local park. Well, so long as they didn't have to pay for this expensive mistake of theirs. The Mayor was all too happy with this, especially since my humans were happy to let him have all the credit so long as they got to design the park. With voting season right around the corner, the Mayor that ‘Brought life to this blighted land’ was a shoo-in to get re-elected. Or would be if he also wasn't ‘The idiot who allowed predators into the city.’
With everything that's happened I am still a bit surprised at everyone currently enjoying the park. A small herd of Venlil are exercising in the open field. A family of Gojids are walking along the cobblestone path. All the while, some humans are playing a very weird game of throwing a round plastic plate into chain nets. It's almost as if this city didn't have two separate riots on the same day.
The sound of wheels traveling across a bumpy path caught my attention. I glanced across the way to see an embarrassed-looking John driving an electric wheelchair over to me. His eyes locked onto mine before quickly switching to the ground. He tried to laze in a chair designed to enforce good posture and looked rather silly as he adjusted himself.
He came to a stop just a foot away from where I sat, “Hey Silv… I, uh… I don't actually need the wheelchair but Mikvia threatened to break my legs if I didn't use it, so I'm just humoring her.”
Oh, don't freaking tell me. Why are humans like this… “John… you were hospitalized with a punctured lung. Sure, doctors have some miracles they can perform these days, but you know you shouldn't be stressing yourself by walking.”
He huffed, “Please, I'm fine. Really. It wasn't as serious as everyone is making it out to be.”
I thumped my hind paw against the ground, “John.”
He threw his hands into the air with a huff, “I'm in the damn wheelchair ain't I? Gawd…”
He grasped his nose before calming down, “I apologize. Shouldn't have raised my voice like that. I mean… I am using the wheelchair and not lifting stuff. Doctor's orders. They even said getting out in this park would be fine. Said it might even help!”
We let out a deep sigh together. I hopped down from my bench and back up onto his lap, “Let's go for a ride… while we figure… us out…”
I could see John's guard drop as the exhaustion crept back onto his face, “...alright...” He pressed his controls forward, and we slowly began our first lap of the park.
John wrapped one of his lanky ape arms around me like a fleshy seatbelt and I laid my head on his chest appreciating the contrast of his warmth with the cool artificial breeze. I could have slept like this. The beating of his heart was rhythmic, and his deep breaths sounded a bit like waves washing up on a shore.
I even heard his heart quicken as I cleared my throat, “So… we aren't really dating are we?”
His exhaustion was quickly replaced with unease as he started to fidget a little, “I'm sorry…”
I held his hand and stared into the ocean blue eyes of his, “Don't be sorry. I think we were both drunk when we agreed to go on a date…”
He shook his head, “I still should have said something before then.”
It wasn't like I couldn't have taken the initiative and talked to him sooner too, “I know you were going through a lot. Actually, I know you still are… I'm really only able to guess but… Are you one of the types that thinks Xeno-dating is weird?”
He looked ashamed as he scrambled to smooth things over, “I- No- well, yes- but- it's just… ok. Let me start over… alright… yeah… so… uhm… the thing is… how do I put this… it sounds bad… well, it is bad… it’s just…”
My tail wagged involuntarily at the rather cute display of embarrassment radiating from John. I leaned in and let him have a doey-eyed look to help heap the embarrassment on.
It felt like John tried to stop the next words from rolling out of his mouth, “Sometimes I have trouble thinking of you all as people.”
John came to a complete stop as I just stared at him wide-eyed. My brain struggled to grasp what he was saying and the implications of it. He cringed and covered his face with his hands, “Gawd, that sounds horrible. It's just… It's not as bad with you and the others… I talk to y’all a lot. It's easier for it to click that you are people too.”
I was desperately trying to see this from his angle, “Wha- why does this happen in the first place?”
His hands drug down his face trying to drag the flesh with it, “I think it’s cause you are always naked. Like your back brace helps a little bit, but still everything else is… That and I hear your voice and the chip in my head then gives it meaning. Like its disjointed. Then it's the way your body language works and- and- fuck. Just…. Fuck me man. I don't even think that's all that's wrong with me. It’s just… like you look, sound, and smell like animals. It's just not really what my mind had in place for aliens. So- like- ugh! Why can't I just explain it!?”
It's difficult to explain, but his words connected to a deep sad memory, “It's like everything is just too… slightly wrong…”
It felt like I had been whisked back decades to my own childhood. I could still smell the bleached halls of the Venlil orphanage on Nevis. My heart whimpered when the Sivkits who came to adopt me shuddered with fear and disgust. Their strange voices sounded slow as they spoke a strange version of Klipic. Like hearing a pale imitation of yourself, try and pretend to be just like you.
My eyes locked with his as I carried on “It’s like you look at them and a part of you knows what they are, but your brain just snaps back to… to what you think reality is.”
I could see a glimmer of hope well up with his tears, “Y-you know? I-Iv've felt like such a monster! How can I- How can I look them in the eyes when they took me in and say- say- that I can't see them as people sometimes!? After everything they've done for me?! They want to adopt me and I- I- I can't even!”
I wrapped my arms around his neck as he buried his face in mine. It felt like he could crush me with his arms, yet they held me gently. What was causing me pain was this damn back brace. The blasted thing was trying to force my arms down while it hunched me over. I wiggled out of John's embrace and ripped the freaking thing off and chucked it as far as I could before burying myself in his embrace again.
We held each other as he drew in shuddering breaths and let his emotions flow out. John’s grip eventually began to loosen and we both took a moment to calm down. I gently tugged at the shirt covering John's torso, “So… Us not wearing clothes constantly is… disconnecting for you?”
He nodded his head, “Y-yeah… It’s like… every person I have ever known wears clothes. Animals never wear clothes and at most wear like a collar or harness if someone owns them. Then a few months ago, a bunch of nudist aliens show up and… well, my brain lops them into the animal category and the translator isn't helping.”
I glanced down at my body and suddenly felt… exposed, “So now that I am no longer wearing clothes…”
He cringed, “You look more like a large rabbit thing than a person… when you had the brace on it helped a little, but you were on all fours… When you were wearing your weather suit and had your hood off, It felt like you were a person, just different.”
An idea crossed into my skull, “Ok then… so your brain attaches personhood with a level of nudity, body plan, and familiarity… take your shirt off and give it to me- Don't give me that look! I know you’re male and are far less sensitive about people seeing your nipples. So gimme.”
He begrudgingly took off his shirt, revealing a pelt of fur that caught me off guard. I shook off the confusion as I slipped his shirt overhead and stuck my arms through the sleeves. It immediately tried to slip down my body and off. Mostly due to how large the hole for his head is, but also due to my utter lack of true shoulders. Another gift of my freak mutation. The ability to walk upright as well as sprint on all fours like a fucking Arxur.
I bunched up the collar and knotted it on itself, solving the slipping issue. With a small twirl, I spun in a circle, “So how is this?”
A smile formed on his face, “You look adorable!”
I happily flicked my tail, “Is that girlfriend adorable or pet animal adorable?”
His grin beamed with happy, mischievous energy, “Little sister adorable.”
I stomped my hind paw again, “Wha- why?!”
He held out his arms and I hopped back into his embrace, “Its cause it's my shirt. Jamie would wear my clothes sometimes, and they were so baggy on him, and well… on you that's practically a sundress! … you’d look really nice in like… a yellow sundress with like a straw hat.”
My mind tried and failed to make an image to match his description, “Hrm… well… I wouldn't know where to even start getting a… sundress.”
John carried on like clothes shopping was a normal intergalactic thing, “You would have to go to a tailor and have it custom-made. Like you already had to adjust my shirt cause you don't have shoulders like we or the Gojids do.”
We sat in a comfortable silence as John started the wheelchair back on its path. I almost fell asleep in his arms before I asked, “So… Are we dating?”
John didn't hesitate to bend over and freaking bite the top of my head! I, rather fruitlessly, slapped my paws against his face as fast as I could and only managed to elicit a laugh from him. Jumping up, I got a mouth full of his cheek in my teeth.
I made sure not to crush as I mimicked what he had done to me back, “Ah! The turns! They've tabled! I'm sorry! We're dating! Augh!” I spit out the lump of flesh between my teeth and sat down rather proudly.
It was only then I looked around to see most of the nearby groups staring at us. As well as three silver suited flame whack jobs walking our way. One of them held up his paws to try and seem as big as possible, “YOU! PREDATORS! DON'T MOVE!”
John growled at them, “YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”
The trio froze in their steps and reached for weapons they didn't have. The boldest one took another step forward and shouted, “SHUT UP PREDATOR!”
John held his issued jacket up, letting the reflective emblem of the guild shine for all to see, “I WORK WITH YOU NUMB NUTS! I'M JOHN! ADOPTED SON OF YOUR FUCKING CHIEF! RING ANY BELLS?”
The trio halted in their tracks and the most skittish of them turned a one-eighty on their paws and began to walk away. The boldest one’s paws slowly dropped, “J-John?! I- I've never seen you without the mask or artificial pelt… wait! You're supposed to be in the hospital!”
Johns voice grew cold, “They said I could go out around the park so long as I mostly stayed in the chair. If it pleases you, you can talk to Loke. He's right over there with his wife and two kids. I bet he'd be thrilled to learn you three are going around accusing people of being predators.”
The bold moron took a fearful half step back, “D-d-d-d-don't twist my words! You bit her and she bit you back! I have witnesses! That's predatory!”
John leaned back and stroked the fur on my cheek, “No, it’s erotic.”
I could see the gears turning in the bold one's head grind, “What.”
John pressed his lips into my neck, “Ya know… sexy. It’s like… gently grooming your significant other's neck from behind but more playful.”
They looked revolted, “That's disgusting.”
John cocked his head to the side like a confused Gojid, “That’s odd.”
The look of revulsion quickly transitioned back to confusion, “What?”
A smirk grew on John's face as his fingers massaged into the sore muscles on my back, “It's just, that’s exactly what your mom said last night, but she grew to like it.”
I slapped my paws to my mouth to avoid laughing as the rage flared up in the bold one's eyes, “WHAT!?”
I let out a happy purr as John began to work at my sore muscles and utterly humiliate the idiot bothering us, “Yeeeeah. You weren't supposed to find out like this, but I'm your dad now.”
Their ears pinned back in rage, “You're lying to me.”
John waved a hand at our surroundings, “We are in a hermetically sealed park. There is no way for any significantly threatening animal to get in here. You are only here looking for trouble and I assure you, this will be looked into. Go clean your nose and keep it clean. Understood?”
They both tucked their tails, “Understood, sir.”
John nodded his head and calmed his tone, “Dismissed.”
As the trio of troublemakers left, we sat in relative silence as John continued to work away at the stress in my muscles. If you proved this was how humans prepared their food before eating it, I would argue that it's still worth it.
His rough voice messaged my ears, “Hey Silv?”
I stretched and enjoyed the pops my spine made as it took its natural shape, “Hrm?”
A hint of curiosity hung in his voice, “Why did you understand what I meant? Shouldn't… You've lived with aliens being a part of everyday life for… Like… ever right?”
I slumped against John and thought. Dredging up old memories that I almost wished I didn't have, “It was… a very long time ago. My doctor told me I was making up false memories to cover up a traumatic event and make it to where I was normal and everyone around me were the weird ones…”
I could hear John doubt my doctor's claims, “That sounds… fishy.”
Despite John's odd word choice, the meaning still fit perfectly, “It feels like it, but I just have no proof. I swear to you, I remember running along a beach, with my parents on two legs. Every Sivkit I knew as a child walked on two legs. It’s like… well…”
I grabbed John's hand to stop it from distracting me, “One day I woke up, and I was unbelievably cold. I thought I was a corpse. There was this strange… tentacle thing with bulgy eyes standing above me. His words didn't match his lips, but I understood him. It was terrifying.”
“He scooped me up and started running. Said I was in grave danger, and he was going to keep me safe. I didn't trust him one bit. He jumped into some strange ship and told me I had to be very quiet. The bad people would attack us if they heard either of us talking.”
“Eventually, he crashed the ship into something and pulled me out of it. I was surprised to see we had been on a submarine that entire time. That and the sky was the wrong color. I didn't even have an opportunity to think about it as he carried me to a weird looking vehicle that once again surprised me as a giant wall turned into a window.”
“I had never even heard of spaceships before, and I watched as we went up and just moved into space like it was nothing. He tried to calm me down, but he told me my parents were dead. I- just remember sobbing in his tentacles for hours. Eventually, I calmed down enough for him to play with me.”
“For a few days it was just me and him. Then we met up with another ship, and he left that one to drift in the void. He said we were meeting his friend Aylin on Nevis… a Venlil colony not too far from here, actually. I got to meet more aliens on that ship but Kalova- sorry that was the name of the Kolshian who took me out here. Kalova didn't want me to talk about anything to anyone. Said to just say I was his adopted daughter, and he just got a job on Nevis managing the new colony.”
“He never saw it. I didn't know what they were at the time but the Arxur attacked. They were trying to raid the colony and the Gojids and Venlil where desperately trying to protect it. I remember the alarm going off the second the ship’s captain announced we were leaving FTL. Kalova sprinted through the ship carrying me. He placed me in an escape pod just before that terrible lizard spotted us. He pulled the lever and my pod jettisoned down to the surface.”
“I was in that pod for three days before the Venlil found me and put me in an orphanage. Every time I met other Sivkits… they made my skin crawl. There's something wrong with all of them. I swear to you, we Sivkits are supposed to walk on two legs. We also aren't supposed to be that… stupid. Between how they talk being just… off, and the fact what they said was often either retarded or downright wrong, I couldn't ever feel like one of the so-called Grand Herd.”
“Eventually, I aged out. Graduated college, top of my class. And started working out here when they began to rebuild my plant after it burned down. That’s all there… Well, there is more, but It's not actually relevant to your question.”
John leaned down and kissed the top of my head, “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
I groomed the tip of his nose in return, “You're welcome. … Hey John?”
I could see a small bit of… hope in the back of his eyes, “Yes Silv?”
“Can you tell me about your past?”
He frowned as memories came back to him, yet he smiled still. “Yeah… it’s not a happy story either.”
I pressed myself into him, “Well… we can both be sad together, at least.”
John's hands began to absentmindedly work through my fur again, “Yeah… That doesn't sound as bad.”
___/\___
Important question, do you want a chapter dedicated to John retelling his story? Or would you like it smash cut out in favor of more of their first real date? I am not sure how I want to do it and am happy with both, so please let me know.
John and Silvera finally had the relationship talk! Woooooo! John's confessed something he'd rather never bring up, but knows he needs to address to start living a happy life with his new family. Aaaaand, It's time for Silvera’s tragic backstory! (Trademark pending). Strange names though, right? Kalova… weird how John's old boss has a missing brother with the same name as an alien Ivan the Arxur knows! And Aylin… strange they share a name with Talen's dead wife! Man that's just weird!
Special thanks to u/JulianSkies for proofreading! Seriously it felt like my eyes were melting out of my skull and your feedback was everything I needed!
___/\___
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I (24F) have been with my partner (23M) for almost two years now. Since we have met he has seemed to struggle with basic hygiene and self care. I didn't notice straight away (whether that was because he hid it at first or he actually made effort before I'm unsure of), but signs started to creep in.
When we first started dating I had to force him to visit a dentist (as his breath had a strong odur and visible plaque) he refused and held it off even when I refused to kiss him because of it, he would make excuses and say his teeth were fine. After I made him visit, his smiled looked amazing, but even today I have to remind him to brush his teeth.
I have to remind him to shower, I have started a new job and hadn't told him to for about a week or two and in that time he hadn't showered once despite working from home. I keep telling him to remember or to set reminders, he has remembered a little more recently but its still inconsistent.
He started growing out his hai beard and expectedly, he didn't know how to brush it and take care of it, so I had to show him multiple times and I've asked him to watch tutorials but he hadn't over the course of a year. I have brought him the products and brushes. We even had an argument at one point when i suggested he shape his beard (causally because i had just shaped my eyebrows and noticed they offer beard services), which he now agrees was silly. Whenever we go out I either have to do his hair for him or he would leave it as a mess because he seems completely unaware of how to take care of his beard/hair. This includes any dates or events, even my graduation I had to drop my flowers and fix his hair for him before photography.
However, today he came put of the shower looking and smelling amazing. He did his hair perfectly, brushed and hydrated his beard better than he ever has and dressed presentably. I could tell he also had a proper shower (with no prompting). This is this first time he has done any of this, and all so quickly aswell. I had actively convinced myself that he didn't know how to use a brush so had to do it for him this whole time. I was happy at first and then remembered he was seeing a friend today and then it hurt. This whole time, from every date and event, even my graduation to even small routine hygiene tasks I thought he was unable to do these things himself, but did so easily just to see a friend and get a drink.
Is there something I'm missing, I let it go this far because he excels in other areas and can be so kind, loving and caring. I also have my faults. However the dramatic 180 in one day when I had thought he had been completely inable has confused me. Was he pretending this whole time so I did this stuff for him, or did he stop caring the longer we were together?
TLDR: My BF seems to struggle with hygiene and I had to partially take care of him by reminding, prompting and even doing parts for him because he seemed unable to (even for dates), but he suddenly did it all and more himself today to go and have a drink with friends. Have I been bamboozled into doing it for him?

We have a cat that adopted us when we moved into our house 3 years ago. We had dogs so we could never take her in. Summers can get hot around 120f. We started leaving the window open a crack so she can get ac. During storms we'd keep her inside over night. She doesn't like being handled but will come sit on your lap.
Last month she vanished for 2 days. We have like a 20lb stray male bullying the others cats. Our little cat is about 5lbs. We were stressed out. She came back and couldn't jump. She just kept wanting water and we saw her attempt to drink soapy washing up water. A neighbor came over and said she needs to go to the vet immediately.
The vet said we'd need to maybe put her down. She was so badly dehydrated and had a kidney infection. They got her on fluids and she recovered after 4 nights in the hospital.
I knew she had no teeth so we used to puree her meals. Turns out she had some in the back. Her entire mouth was so badly infected that some teeth rotted out and left the roots in. The roots assimilated into her jawbone. They had to do a full extraction and drill out the infected roots.
During recovery a nurse noticed 2 infected abscesses on her side. They treated and drained the pus. A lot of pus. Another few days spent there as they flushed it totally clean.
She came home and we dedicated a room to her for recovery. She's been home 14 days now. She eats like a kitten, nonstop. She is grooming herself and doing better.
So, tomorrow is the day we open the window and let her go back. She's always welcome to stay nights and whenever and she will have unlimited meals. I'm worried about her getting into another fight with a cat, getting sick, or whatever. Is there any advice for releasing her, like time of day or anything? We spent thousands of dollars bring her back to health and we want her to be happy. It seems careless to just open the door and hope for the best? Any practical or emotional advice is appreciated.

Dog, 15 years, Jack Russell Terrier, Male, 17 pounds
Has kidney issues and is on a prescription diet which seems to help. Takes gabapentin 25mg every 12 hours for leg shakiness and arthritis pain. It has sensed to work well for him. He had a Lyme disease diagnosis a couple years ago and took antibiotics for 28 days.
He has been acting normal lately with minimal issues up until yesterday. Before, he had a pretty good appetite and had no issues with walking or jumping. He does sleep a lot and have bad teeth, but the vet and I discussed the risk of anesthesia at his age and decided it was best not to worry about his teeth.
Yesterday, he was fairly normal in the morning, but things got worse as the day went on. He went out to use the bathroom in the morning and ate a little breakfast as usual. Later in the evening, I noticed he wouldn’t get up from where he was laying. I picked him up to carry him outside and he immediately sat down, which is very unusual. He wouldn’t budge. I brought him back inside to try to feed him, and he wouldn’t eat anything. This isn’t that unusual because his appetite isn’t always on schedule and he sometimes eats later in the evening. However, he wouldn’t eat anything at all when I tried, including his absolute favorite treats. I just assumed his stomach was hurting because that happens sometimes.
A little later I try to take him out again, and when I place him on the ground, he immediately falls forward. I pick him up and he is swaying and very wobbly. His eyes also look strange - kinda blank. For the rest of the evening he doesn’t eat and doesn’t move much. I forced the gabapentin and he did drink a bunch of water.
Into the night, he woke up and I took him outside. He walked some and was still very shaky and off balance, but he didn’t fall. He tried to poop and looked like he struggled because of his balance. I noticed he did manage a small amount and it was diarrhea. He would squat and strain and nothing would come out. Also, he would struggle to hold himself in the squat position for too long. His back legs seemed hard to bend. This happened again later in the night as well and he drank a bunch more water.
This morning he is still just laying in his bed. He won’t eat. He isn’t panting or anything, and his head isn’t tilted down (I read about old dog syndrome online when checking symptoms).
I tried to think if anything weird had happened to cause a concussion. I remembered opening the bathroom cabinet and it hitting his head. He walked into it as I was swinging it open. This probably happened around 2 in the afternoon or so. I don’t think the impact was hard enough to cause a concussion, but I’m unsure because he did shake his head after it happened.
So I’m not sure if it’s a concussion or stroke or something different.
I know that it won’t be long before I have to make the choice to euthanize. I’ve known this for about a year now and have just been carefully watching his behavior and assessing his quality of life.
Is it time to do it now?

As of recent, Amnesia: The Bunker has taken over my thoughts and has quickly become one of my favorite horror games of all time.
It also would make for an excellent Chapter in Dead by Daylight, or at least I think so. As such, please enjoy this absolutely MASSIVE post where I make up a bunch of stuff for something that may or may not happen one day in the future.

THE BEAST

THE BEAST is a ferocious killer, able to use its power, DARK URGES, to force Survivors to play a game of careful resource management should they wish to escape the Trial unscathed.
It's three unique Perks, HEIGHTENED SENSES, HAYWIRE and DESCENT INTO DARKNESS allow THE BEAST to locate Survivors much easier, even through their objectives.

DARK URGES
The urge to cause immense pain and suffering fuels THE BEAST'S bloodlust, and can only be stopped by the sanctity of light.
At the start of the match, the Trial is covered in inky black darkness, limiting the Survivor's field of view.
In order to light up the Trial, Survivors must locate Fuel Canisters found within special Chests and bring them to the Gas-Powered Generator found within the depths of the Basement. Only six of these special Chests can spawn in a single Trial.
One Fuel Canister gives one minute of light, and the Generator is fully fueled when 2 Canisters are deposited.
While the Trial is plunged in darkness, THE BEAST can hear grunts of pain and footsteps far easier. In addition, whenever a Loud Noise Notification is triggered within THE BEAST'S Terror Radius, THE BEAST gains the Haste Status Effect for 3 seconds, while the Survivor that triggered the Loud Noise Notification is afflicted with the Exposed Status Effect for 5 seconds.
When the map is lit up, THE BEAST loses the ability to track Survivors easier, and Loud Noise Notifications triggered within its Terror Radius no longer cause the Haste and Exposed Status Effects.
Instead, THE BEAST can then traverse the map via a system of Rat Tunnels scattered across the map. These Rat Tunnels can be blocked by Survivors, causing THE BEAST to emerge from them at a slower rate and give the Survivors a warning that it's emerging.
Blocking a Rat Tunnel takes 5 seconds.
"Watch each other's backs. Keep each other safe. Do not let the light go out... For all our sakes..." - Unknown

HEIGHTENED SENSES:
Your animalistic senses make it so that even proceeding with caution will not save them.
Survivors that slow vault or enter a Locker slowly within your Terror Radius still trigger a Loud Noise Notification.
This effect can only be triggered once every 70/50/45 seconds.
"Every time I take a step, I swear it can hear me." - Sdt. Chanard

HAYWIRE:
Your mere presence causes electronics to malfunction.
When a Generator that is being worked on by a Survivor enters your Terror Radius, that Generator is afflicted with the Haywire Status Effect for 5/10/15 seconds.
While afflicted with the Haywire Status Effect, the lights located on the top of the Generator begin to wildly flash on and off, and sputtering noises begin to emanate from the Generator itself.
"ES KOMMT!" - Prisoner #73014

DESCENT INTO DARKNESS:
The darkness can mess with one's senses, causing them to spiral into a panic and giving you the opportunity to land a killing blow.
Whenever a Survivor is afflicted with the Blindness Status Effect, they scream and reveal their location for 1/2/3 second(s).
This effect can only be triggered once every 50 seconds.
"We whirl the world, the world we whirl... It all gets lost in a terrible twirl..." - Sdt. Toussaint Beaufoy

Henri Clément is a resourceful member of the French Army stationed within an underground bunker during the first World War. After suffering severe head trauma that left him with Amnesia, he awoke to a nightmare that he could not escape from without careful planning... And a little bit of luck.
Henri Clément comes with three unique Perks: HIDEAWAY, C'EST LA VIE, and BLOODY ATONEMENT.

HIDEAWAY:
Within the suffocating darkness, you manage to survive despite all odds.
While in the Basement, your Aura is hidden from the Killer for 10/15/25 seconds and your breathing volume, grunts of pain and footstep volume is reduced by 75%.

C'EST LA VIE:
When life deals a bad hand, you simply keep moving. You must keep moving.
While suffering from Status Effects inflicted by Killer Perks or Powers, your Scratch Marks are tightly packed and fade away 5/10/15% faster.
"Ah, fate's a bastard!" - Sdt. Augustin Lambert

BLOODY ATONEMENT:
Your guilt compels you to act to save the life of another.
Whenever you take a Protection Hit for another Survivor, that Survivor gains the Haste Status Effect for 3 seconds and they leave no Scratch Marks.
This effect can only be triggered once every 90/60/50 seconds.
"I must do something or risk greeting Hell itself as a relief." - Sdt. Henri Clément

Map: THE BUNKER
The Bunker is an indoor map with two levels: the Bunker itself, and the Roman Tunnels.
The Entity has mashed together sections of the Bunker in order to keep things nice and compact... Well, more compact than they already were.
Tight hallways and small rooms make it so that evading the Killer is difficult, but not entirely impossible if Survivors play it smart. Dark corners all around the map also allow Survivors to hide effectively, should they wish to take a more stealthy approach.
Special features include mutated rats that serve a similar function to crows, skittering off into holes whenever a Survivor or the Killer draws near. A stray artillery shell will also hit the Bunker every time a Generator is completed, causing the entire first level of the Bunker to quake.

21 and never dated anyone.
Literally it’s so bad. It’s not like I’ve had flings and nothings gotten serious. There’s been like literally close to zero signs of interest from anyone. I try to think back on the few crumbs of positive attention I’ve gotten to make myself feel better but in reality I know the truth and it’s pretty bleak.
I’m genuinely so embarrassed and humiliated. I can’t even take solace in having friends. EVERY group of people I meet, the conversation of sex/dating comes up and it’s pretty obvious I’m completely inexperienced. A few times I’ve lied, I’m horrible at it. Mostly I tell the truth and it goes pretty bad but I feel better about myself not lying. But it’s impossible to feel dignified amongst friends at this point. It’s a nightmare that’s never ended. I remember being in 8th grade getting shit from my buddies because no girls liked me and thinking it’ll all be over soon. I’ll grow up taller and handsome like my dad and more confident. And here I am. If people somehow get the idea I’m a misogynistic incel type I’ll be so mad cause at this point cause I hate men so much for the perpetual dick measuring contest that seemingly goes on in every male friend group. Also it’s so brutal every time I hang out and there’s girls around. Sex and dating is all people talk about.
My parents don’t understand at all. My mom was a pretty popular blonde and my dad was a football player who literally got scouted to do modeling a few times. They just give me the most basic moronically obvious advice ever. And at this point they seem really disappointed in me for not bringing a girl home yet.
I’m genuinely super fucking ugly even after doing a shit ton to work on it. I have perpetually horrible hair. I have a huge bulbous forehead, every friend I’ve had eventually comments on it. One plastic surgeon I consulted said it could be benign familial macrocephaly? Not that I could afford a procedure anyways. I try to cover it up with a fringe but my hair looks horrible. It’s super fine and straight and lacks any texture. My “midface” is sunken also: weak cheekbones. I was diagnosed with maxillary hypoplasia and maxillary vertical hypoplasia. Basically a midface (bones between upper teeth and eyes) that didn’t grow outwards nor downwards enough resulting in poor tooth show, weak bone structure, premature aged look, and a severe underbite. I had double jaw surgery covered by insurance. It was a marginal improvement at best. My underbite was fixed, my cheekbones remained sunken because the surgery doesn’t fix that unless you pay extra for implants that often look bad anyways, and my surgeon utterly failed to bring down my upper jaw enough to reveal my teeth. Since the surgery did fix the functional problems with my face (underbite) and only failed cosmetically, I’d have to pay full price out of pocket for a revision. I’ve also worked out a lot, never got super big but I have a small frame anyways, but I’ve been quite lean and in shape with visible abs. I’ve done a shit ton skincare wise and finally at a point with minimal acne but still shitty skin overall. I’ve also tried a bunch of hair styles and have decent style I think.
I’ve been quite social. I had a ton of friend groups in high school. In college my social life has died down because of my reduced confidence but I still try. I’ve join ed 4 different clubs. I talk to people in my classes and often make a group me for each class and arrange study groups. I use to go to bars until recently. Some guy called me an ugly motherfucker and started cackling and I went home drunk and started slicing my arm. Same thing happened after I was at a party and some girl at a party literally blurted ew when she asked my group of friends to introduce ourselves and it was my turn to speak. I had a good outfit on, my hair looked it’s best, all futile I guess. I just hate myself so much since I guess I must be so disgusting somehow. So I don’t go out much recently now, due to that among other bad experiences. I’ve done the apps with horrible results. I can’t say I blame people much. I don’t think I could be attracted to someone as ugly as me and I can’t help it.
It’s so embarrassing having family ask about my dating life and I have to make up some bullshit. I’m really at my limit. I know I’m neurotic but I’ve really done the work in tons of therapy and lifestyle changes. I don’t have a disease. I feel horrible because I haven’t felt dignified amongst my peers since middle school and I haven’t been remotely close to a fulfilling relationship. I just want someone to actually care and show an interest in me and ask about my day. Someone to watch movies with and cuddle.
My academic focus has been entirely premed. I’m nearing the end of college. When I inevitably get into a med school I don’t feel like I can actually go and have my parents pay for some of it feeling that I’ll be gone soon anyways. One time in HS I got humiliated so bad I drank liquor and took Xanax to end it only to pass out. I’ve been regretting my lack of commitment ever since. If I can pull through maybe I’ll do emergency medicine with the short residency, join Doctors Without Borders and get blown up in some war zone.

Around 4 weeks ago I started to get some pains around mid and lower back area on right hand side. This seemed to then spread and I felt the pain both sides as well as on the front and down sides. Started to then get shivers about 4 days in then 6th day really bad shivers, no heat in my hands, even numbness on one of my forearms, night sweats, headaches, nausea feeling etc. On checking urine that day at start it was quite cloudy and dark and over the day I was running to toilet quite a bit.
Next day I’d had enough and as it was weekend went to out of hours docs for NHS and was told after dip test they found “plus one” for white blood cells in urine, this was after about 6 toilet breaks already that day and drinking around 1.5 litres of water so maybe things were diluted. They didn’t do any culture tests etc as out of hours only have so many options. I was put on antibiotics for a week which took away the worst / weirder of the symptoms to the point that I was only left with the pain and pain was primarily on right side again but not always. Was getting it just above belly button on both sides at one time or another but again mainly right front and back.
The day after finishing the first antibiotic pain started to build again so went back to out of hours again 2 days after they ended as it was a bank holiday weekend. They gave me another week course but asked me to go to gp right away next day. I did so and brought a urine sample, at this point id finished the first antibiotic about 2.5 days before and had started the second set and had a full days dose the day before. They did a culture test from that day. Anyway the urine sample didn’t grow anything during the culture test which may be down to the antibiotics as I’d finished the first set some days ago and started second set day before - I really don’t know - but apparently pus was found in the sample. What amount I’m not sure.
I continued to take the second antibiotic course and towards the end I felt the pain reducing further. The day after it finished I was quite hopeful it was dealt with as pain had subsided so much and I was actually peeing without having to push, normal feeling was back in my lower abdomen- but it was short lived as the day after that it got a bit worse again and continued to do so.
Those second antibiotics had completed last sunday, I left it till Friday to go back to the doctors because I wanted a proper urine sample without antibiotics affecting it. I went in Friday, when I took the sample there was stuff floating everywhere, the worst I’d seen so far. Even though the doctor did a dip test and nothing showed so I’m freaking that they won’t detect what it is. Doctor then gave me a 3rd antibiotic, I’ve taken two and a half days now and still feel a bit numb down below, hesitations at times going toilet so having to push a bit, and pain up around back and kidney areas and around and below navel. All these symptoms had mostly vanished for a short spell after the second antibiotic but back again.
At this point even though I’m not even halfway on this 3rd but different set I’m thinking going private to a urologist who could see me Wednesday. I tried taking d mannose Friday for day and a half but pain around kidney area seemed to get worse so stopped so I can tell if it’s infection related or simply taking that also.
Anyone got any words of wisdom to give, I feel like being on antibiotics a week at a time and then having a few days or more till next one is allowing things to go back to square one again. I’m really hoping I can just get over this now quickly somehow. Supposed to be taking a week holiday with the family in 8 days but starting to lose hope and don’t know if it’s great idea being away from local doctors etc.
Antibiotics so far:
Nitrofurantoin, trimethoprim (I think), cefalexin (currently on)

UTI / possible kidney infection around 4 weeks
Male 45 UK. UTI, possible (but I’d guess from pain around there) kidney infection. Advice needed
Around 4 weeks ago I started to get some pains around mid and lower back area on right hand side. This seemed to then spread and I felt the pain both sides as well as on the front and down sides. Started to then get shivers about 4 days in then 6th day really bad shivers, no heat in my hands, even numbness on one of my forearms, night sweats, headaches, nausea feeling etc. On checking urine that day at start it was quite cloudy and dark and over the day I was running to toilet quite a bit.
Next day I’d had enough and as it was weekend went to out of hours docs for NHS and was told after dip test they found “plus one” for white blood cells in urine, this was after about 6 toilet breaks already that day and drinking around 1.5 litres of water so maybe things were diluted. They didn’t do any culture tests etc as out of hours only have so many options. I was put on antibiotics for a week which took away the worst / weirder of the symptoms to the point that I was only left with the pain and pain was primarily on right side again but not always. Was getting it just above belly button on both sides at one time or another but again mainly right front and back.
The day after finishing the first antibiotic pain started to build again so went back to out of hours again 2 days after they ended as it was a bank holiday weekend. They gave me another week course but asked me to go to gp right away next day. I did so and brought a urine sample, at this point id finished the first antibiotic about 2.5 days before and had started the second set and had a full days dose the day before. They did a culture test from that day. Anyway the urine sample didn’t grow anything during the culture test which may be down to the antibiotics as I’d finished the first set some days ago and started second set day before - I really don’t know - but apparently pus was found in the sample. What amount I’m not sure.
I continued to take the second antibiotic course and towards the end I felt the pain reducing further. The day after it finished I was quite hopeful it was dealt with as pain had subsided so much and I was actually peeing without having to push, normal feeling was back in my lower abdomen- but it was short lived as the day after that it got a bit worse again and continued to do so.
Those second antibiotics had completed last sunday, I left it till Friday to go back to the doctors because I wanted a proper urine sample without antibiotics affecting it. I went in Friday, when I took the sample there was stuff floating everywhere, the worst I’d seen so far. Even though the doctor did a dip test and nothing showed so I’m freaking that they won’t detect what it is. Doctor then gave me a 3rd antibiotic, I’ve taken two and a half days now and still feel a bit numb down below, hesitations at times going toilet so having to push a bit, and pain up around back and kidney areas and around and below navel. All these symptoms had mostly vanished for a short spell after the second antibiotic but back again.
At this point even though I’m not even halfway on this 3rd but different set I’m thinking going private to a urologist who could see me Wednesday. I tried taking d mannose Friday for day and a half but pain around kidney area seemed to get worse so stopped so I can tell if it’s infection related or simply taking that also.
Anyone got any words of wisdom to give, I feel like being on antibiotics a week at a time and then having a few days or more till next one is allowing things to go back to square one again. I’m really hoping I can just get over this now quickly somehow. Supposed to be taking a week holiday with the family in 8 days but starting to lose hope and don’t know if it’s great idea bejng away from local doctors etc.
Antibiotics so far:
Nitrofurantoin trimethoprim (I think) cefalexin (currently on)

As the last rays of summer sun faded into dusk, I stood at the threshold of a new chapter, my heart racing with anticipation and a touch of apprehension, as I prepared to embark on my first day as a senior in high school. The familiar scent of freshly cut grass mingled with the crispness of autumn in the air, signaling the end of carefree days and the beginning of a journey filled with new challenges and opportunities. With my backpack slung over my shoulder and butterflies fluttering in my stomach, I took a deep breath, ready to step into the halls of academia, where friendships would deepen, memories would be made, and the path to my future would unfold before me. As I walked down the main hallway to my first period class, a girl I had never seen before bumped into me, as she was walking hurriedly down towards the cafe. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” She exclaimed, as she bent down to pick up one of my binders. “Watch where you’re going, good God.” I huffed back. “Geez… it was an acc-“ I cut her off- “You look familiar… have I met you somewhere before?” “Umm. I don’t think we’ve ever met before. Maybe you should get your vision checked.” she replied back, annoyed. “Whatever, asshole.” I sighed. “Excuse me?” She said, raising an eyebrow.” I could’ve sworn I had seen her somewhere before… maybe I was losing it. “Look, this is going to sound really, really weird, but in the near further, you’re going to be asked to play a game. You HAVE to say no, or really bad things are going to happen…” I took a step back, looking the girl up and down. “You sound schizophrenic. I’m going to class.” I said, turning back towards my classroom door. As I turned to walk away, her words echoed in my mind, a strange sense of foreboding creeping over me. But dismissing it as nonsense, I pushed through the classroom door, eager to start the day and put the strange encounter behind me. The day passed in a blur of introductions, syllabi, and catching up with friends. Yet, despite my attempts to shake off the odd encounter, the girl's warning lingered in the back of my thoughts like an unsettling whisper. As the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, I found myself retracing my steps through the bustling halls. Glancing around, I caught sight of the mysterious girl disappearing into a throng of students.Curiosity gnawed at me, and against my better judgment, I followed her, weaving through the crowd until I spotted her slipping into a secluded corner of the school courtyard. Approaching cautiously, I cleared my throat, "Hey, um, sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to come off as rude." She turned to face me, her expression guarded yet somehow relieved. "It's fine," she said, her tone softening. "I understand. It's not easy to believe something so... unbelievable." I frowned, puzzled by her cryptic words. "What do you mean?" Taking a deep breath, she met my gaze squarely. "I know this sounds crazy, but I need you to listen to me. That game I mentioned earlier—it's real. And it's dangerous. People are disappearing, and I think... I think you're next." My heart skipped a beat as her words sank in, sending a chill down my spine. "What do you mean I'm next?" “I have to go. It’s Friday, I need to go pick up my little brother from school. We can talk on Monday… just, trust me.” She said, rushing towards the parking lot. As the days passed, I found myself haunted by the girl's warning, the memory of her urgent plea lingering like a ghost in the back of my mind. But try as I might to push it aside, the sense of impending doom only grew stronger with each passing moment, a shadow looming ever larger over my once-ordinary life. Sunday morning rolled around, and I was still as anxious as ever, when suddenly an option appeared in front of me. “Would you like to play Truth or Dare?” It read. I sat there for a second, absolutely dumbfounded, thinking I had completely lost it. The two options, lingering in front of me. If I were to complete all of the dares and truths, I would win.. whole million dollars!? “The dares couldn’t be that bad, especially for a million dollars, right?” I thought to myself, hovering the “yes” option. As the option appeared over her head, my heart pounded in my chest, a sickening sense of dread settling over me like a suffocating blanket. But as the stakes grew higher and the dares more dangerous, I found myself unable to resist the lure of the prize dangling just out of reach. One by one, I completed each dare. Confessing my love to my crush, licking a toilet bowl, chugging a bottle of vinegar… everything seemed, moderately alright.. the thrill of the challenge mingling with the gnawing fear that clawed at the edges of my mind. But as the night wore on and the dares grew increasingly sinister, I began to realize the true cost of my greed. Although, I had more important things on my mind. Friday once again rolled around, and the most popular guy in our school, Jackson, had invented me to his house party. This was absolutely a dream come true, but, how was I supposed to tell my mother I was going to a random frat boys party? As 6:00pm rolled around, I grabbed my keys and told my mother I was going to a movie with my friends. As she was about to reply, a new option for Truth or Dare showed, stating, “tell your mother where you’re really going.” At this point, I knew I was screwed. “Are you sure?” My mother asked. “Actually, I was invited to a party by Jackson, the new football teams quarter back.” I said, shuffling my feet. “Do you think I’m crazy? Absolutely not, you are staying home tonight!” My mother shouted back. Maybe it was for the better, after all, mother knows best, right? As 8:00 rolled around, I was sitting on my bed reading, as a new dare showed. “Sneak out and go to the party.” It read. “Well… shit. I’m screwed either way, at this rate.” I muttered, taking the screen off of my window. I grabbed my keys from my desk, and climbed out into the fresh, cold air. I made it to the party about 15 minutes later. As I took my boots off, and walked through the front door, I noticed my friend Samantha sitting next to Jackson with a group of others, drinking out of shiny, red cups. Jackson came up to greet me, handing me a strange smelling concoction. “Here, I’m sure you’ll like this!” Jackson said, cheerfully. “I’m sorry.. I’m not much of a drinker. It’s not good for you.” I stated, slightly uncomfortable. “Oh come on… look, everyone’s drinking! This is my special, everyone loves this. It has extra lime in it!” He yelled back, trying to make himself heard over the loud music playing from a speaker in the kitchen. “Alright… just a few sips, I guess.” I said, shyly taking the cup from his hand. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all, it was quite citrusy, and I love sour things. As the night went on, I continued to drink the mysterious beverages from Jackson. All seemed fine, until around 11:45pm. In a blur of flashing lights and pounding music, it happened. Someone spiked my drink, sending me spiraling into darkness as my world shattered into a million jagged pieces. When I awoke, disoriented and groggy, I found myself trapped in a nightmare of my own making. Bound to a small wooden chair, surrounded by four other girls, each one bearing the same haunted expression of terror etched into their pale faces. As the reality of our situation sunk in, a cold wave of despair washed over me, the harsh truth of my actions crashing down around me like a tidal wave. And as I stared into the darkness, the option still hanging over my head like a cruel taunt, I knew that the game was far from over. But as the hours stretched into days, and the terror of our captivity threatened to consume us whole, I clung to the fragile hope that somehow, someway, we would find a way to escape the nightmare that had become our reality. The only times we had seen the light of day, was when Jackson brought food and water down to us. And as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, we fought tooth and nail against the forces that sought to break us, forging bonds of strength and resilience that would carry us through the darkest of nights. And though the scars of our ordeal would never fully heal, we emerged from the depths of hell stronger than we ever thought possible, united in our determination to reclaim our lives and rewrite our own destinies. As the days stretched on in our captivity, each one blurring into the next in a haze of fear and uncertainty, a glimmer of hope appeared on the horizon in the most unexpected way. One day, as I sat huddled in the darkness, my mind drifting back to the events that had led me to this nightmare, a strange option materialized before my eyes, shimmering like a mirage in the desert of my despair. "Lifeline, Time travel: Go back to the first day of school," it read, its words pulsating with an otherworldly glow that seemed to beckon me closer. For a moment, I hesitated, the weight of my past mistakes bearing down on me like a crushing weight. But as I stared into the depths of the option before me, a flicker of determination ignited within me, burning bright against the darkness that threatened to consume me whole. With a trembling hand, I reached out and pressed the option, the world around me fading into a swirling vortex of light and color as time itself seemed to bend and warp around me. Within in the blink of an eye, I found myself standing once again at the threshold of a new chapter, the familiar sights and sounds of the first day of school washing over me like a balm for my weary soul. “Wait a minute” I thought to myself. “Isn’t it that in all of those time travel movies, doesn’t your past self seeing your future self create some sort of paradox? Or singularity? Or the end of life as we know it…?” I knew then I had to disguise myself before approaching my past self. As I put on glasses, and changed my clothes in the locker room, I scurried around trying to find some sort of hat. “Ugh, finally!” I exclaimed, grabbing a beanie that was left is someone’s open locker. “I have to go find myself.” I said, bolting out of the locker room door. As I ran through the halls, I had accidentally bumped into a girl, walking the opposite direction of me. As I apologized profusely, bending over to hand her one of her purple binders, she looked at me puzzled. “Wait a minute, have I met you before?” My heart sank. “Umm. Maybe you should get your vision checked.” “Whatever, asshole.” She muttered under her breath.

Male 45 UK. UTI, possible (but I’d guess from pain around there) kidney infection. Advice needed
Around 4 weeks ago I started to get some pains around mid and lower back area on right hand side. This seemed to then spread and I felt the pain both sides as well as on the front and down sides. Started to then get shivers about 4 days in then 6th day really bad shivers, no heat in my hands, even numbness on one of my forearms, night sweats, headaches, nausea feeling etc. On checking urine that day at start it was quite cloudy and dark and over the day I was running to toilet quite a bit.
Next day I’d had enough and as it was weekend went to out of hours docs for NHS and was told after dip test they found “plus one” for white blood cells in urine, this was after about 6 toilet breaks already that day and drinking around 1.5 litres of water so maybe things were diluted. They didn’t do any culture tests etc as out of hours only have so many options. I was put on antibiotics for a week which took away the worst / weirder of the symptoms to the point that I was only left with the pain and pain was primarily on right side again but not always. Was getting it just above belly button on both sides at one time or another but again mainly right front and back.
The day after finishing the first antibiotic pain started to build again so went back to out of hours again 2 days after they ended as it was a bank holiday weekend. They gave me another week course but asked me to go to gp right away next day. I did so and brought a urine sample, at this point id finished the first antibiotic about 2.5 days before and had started the second set and had a full days dose the day before. They did a culture test from that day. Anyway the urine sample didn’t grow anything during the culture test which may be down to the antibiotics as I’d finished the first set some days ago and started second set day before - I really don’t know - but apparently pus was found in the sample. What amount I’m not sure.
I continued to take the second antibiotic course and towards the end I felt the pain reducing further. The day after it finished I was quite hopeful it was dealt with as pain had subsided so much and I was actually peeing without having to push, normal feeling was back in my lower abdomen- but it was short lived as the day after that it got a bit worse again and continued to do so.
Those second antibiotics had completed last sunday, I left it till Friday to go back to the doctors because I wanted a proper urine sample without antibiotics affecting it. I went in Friday, when I took the sample there was stuff floating everywhere, the worst I’d seen so far. Even though the doctor did a dip test and nothing showed so I’m freaking that they won’t detect what it is. Doctor then gave me a 3rd antibiotic, I’ve taken two and a half days now and still feel a bit numb down below, hesitations at times going toilet so having to push a bit, and pain up around back and kidney areas and around and below navel. All these symptoms had mostly vanished for a short spell after the second antibiotic but back again.
At this point even though I’m not even halfway on this 3rd but different set I’m thinking going private to a urologist who could see me Wednesday. I tried taking d mannose Friday for day and a half but pain around kidney area seemed to get worse so stopped so I can tell if it’s infection related or simply taking that also.
Anyone got any words of wisdom to give, I feel like being on antibiotics a week at a time and then having a few days or more till next one is allowing things to go back to square one again. I’m really hoping I can just get over this now quickly somehow. Supposed to be taking a week holiday with the family in 8 days but starting to lose hope and don’t know if it’s great idea bejng away from local doctors etc.
Antibiotics so far:
Nitrofurantoin trimethoprim (I think) cefalexin (currently on)

There will probs be more posts like this in time. Only bc I refuse to be silenced by "Cancel Culture" or "Blacklisting"

Streaming has shown me a completely different kind of evil people and almost all of them preach kindness and inclusivity while “protecting their communities” publicly but privately is a whole different animal.
Once, as a baby streamer I went to one of those preachy kinda streamers who I thought was actually a pretty good friend cuz she said she loved me so much she called me her sister. I thought I was safe to confess the sensitive information that I had been excessively cyberstalked and sexually harassed by someone in the community, not that I wanted them to do anything about it but i wanted them to know why that person may be yelling his version of events to anyone that will listen when I inevitably have to ban him. At the time i did not know this person was a frienemy but when the time was right for them, they used that sensitive info to hurt me and made the man who sexually harassed me & cyber stalked me their mod, even tho they knew he went as far as threatening to kill me if I wasn’t his friend. Others on twitter came forward shortly after saying he’s done this before. AND on top of that, that same frienemy added their other streamer buddy who was more well connected with other streamers AND MODS as her mod too and he was actually the first out of everyone to victim blame me for being harassed, stalked, and threatened w\o asking for proof. When he found out I had proof, he lied to others saying I bullied the poor guy I banned and accused. He then confidently smear campaigned me (failed) on Twitter back then just because I wanted a public apology. This streamemod combo conman later became a very loud mod to the guy who publicly announced my cancellation and without a doubt in my opinion was one of the ones pushing him to do it.
THEN there's the kinds of “safe space acceptance of all” assholes that team up with the above assholes
These guys within themselves have a tight inner circle of people all groomed to be loyal (people that owe the leader something out of admiration for being helped through a life event-for example needing money for Christmas for your kids, money to stop a house being foreclosed on, money for whatever. OR false promises of success and support on twitch through various means) These kind of people love raising money for private causes and not actual charities to play hero to suffering individuals they raised the money for-so people feel indebted to them. These same streamers also have no problem only coming back to streaming to ask for personal donations to help them in their time of "need" literal days before a huge St Judes Community fundraiser event. Ponder that as you will.
They use their loyal gophers to stalk, bully & blacklists anyone thats makes them feel disobeyed, threatened, envious, or bitter. They even go against their own, people there aren’t allowed to have differing opinions because anything different than the leaders is “disrespectful” and personal slight towards them. Those people usually slowly get pushed unless they redeem themselves or give up dirt on someone on the watch list.
& to the people who courageously leave bc it becomes creepy finding out how fucked the inner workings really are, People like me, become public enemy #1. You all know what happened there and if you dont, comment and ill tell you about "The Great Cancelation of HeyyyitJess" fucking cringe bro im really not that important lmao
ANYWAY These kinda streamers use their loyals to pressure other creators or threaten to take their numbers away if they refuse to obey or stop being friends with someone they want deplatformed. Yes, I said Deplatformed. They do this so they don’t catch the fall when the truth comes out how fucked up this behavior is. They have an almost onion layered shield around them taking the full brunt of it all. If called out they could say something like "Those were my mods who conspired with those other people to plan a scandal, not me, but im sorry this is happening to you. Mistakes were made." or "I was not threatening to take your viewership, support, relevancy or friends away, that was my mods who i have no control over. Mistakes were made" ^\)keeps all mods and rewards them*
ALLEGEDLY 😂 these are my personal experience of what ive witnessed or others who have come forward but i could be a big fat liar guys its up to you who knows i might think im jesus too and think i can become the irl sailor moon or little mermaid lol its not funny but bc its so ridiculous its hard not to laugh.**
I DIGRESS-But u know who does end up getting the fall? The streamer who they convinced enough to make a declaration LIVE ON STREAM March 21st 2024 for the first 45 minutes of stream (vod is still up and ill link it-if its taken down i have it recorded and saved per legal advice Paskaroni's March 21st 2024 VOD Rule #1 Stream. • QotD) **(assuming he is talking about me bc ik he was and so does everyone else) that im-**in not exact words but close-a bully, toxic, and he declared me and my 3 friends a danger to the whole community so in his words we were and are now “DEAD” in the community...In my POV, He said that not once but twice giggling with glee basically as he told the community to flame me out bc I apparently don’t deserve to be on Twitch, have success, friends, or a platform etc and that he knows the community is strong enough to make this happen. He then seemingly encouraged people to DM him to find out who he was talking about because he had no problem sharing all the names in order to get rid of the filth of the community. Also went on bragging that at CONs they all talk about us bad people and share notes with everyone to protect the whole website from us bullies (ooooo im so scary with my truth and autistic personality that seeks justice)
I want to draw more attention to the fact that the streamer said this ALL WITHOUT PROOF. & admitted on his own accord and free will ALL BY HIMSELF there was no proof, that there were alot of screenshots from the haters that didnt say much but that he wanted to give HIS 12 hater friends the benefit of the doubt even though he always saw me as a wonderfully positive part of the community. I guess I suddenly wasnt considered a friend which is oh so convenient. Not even considered enough so to get the same benefit of the doubt let alone a conversation in general. I wouldve happily handed over the link to the 5GB file of VODS, others testimonies via calls and VALID screenshots as well as a list of other peoples info who are willing to be CREDIBLE references that witnessed events as well but NOOOOO im too scary for that. Sorry tho guys I guess im not as evil as you all think i am especially not enough to go through with suing most of their asses like my lawyer wanted. And im poor as fuck so that should mean alot.
So back at it, now, who did him wrong? In my experience the kinda cult communities that do this bullshit is easy to spot once you know what this looks like. They manipulate people, and they dont discriminate, their prey could even be the most well meaning streamers- like the one who fell victim this time. (I'm very heartbroken that that streamer i linked did that to me live and essentially had hundreds of people leaving me hate dms, threatening me, threatening my friends, friends of friends, and stream leaders, but i still am mature enough to know he is a victim too in a way).
The problematic predatory streamers or communities like the ones responsible for this dumpster fire are usually the ones preaching and over amplifying positive vibes, safe space, inclusiveness, encouragement, acceptance, enabling etc bc they are a “close knit gamers of chosen family” or even the infamous kinda things some people say unironically “were totally not a cult-those people are cults OMG do you see how toxic...THAT STREAMER IS FAKE AF she is alllllll makeup look at and her simps. She's not even a good streamer or gamer she just has her simps play for her” seeing people saying that publicly on any platform seriously is......BIG RED FLAG oh and unfotunately get used to all the toxic men getting away with everything. sad but true. then you have me over here who gets cancelled for breathing wrong. Its apart of life and i hate it. SO HERE WE ARE
BASICALLY notice if you join one of these kind of communities see how fast you can pick up on mean girl behavior. itll be obvious. (Ive seen both cult themes vary in a dark silly way but the worst I have seen is a cult theme disguised as a form of DnD themed video game religion-both sinister af imo) like these people straight up have calculated religious church or temple themed community roles like The Archpriest, Highest Priestess, Acolytes, Initiates, "so in so's" whipping boy etc.
But yeah those total MotherMarys & JesusTheHealer's that own those kinda communities totally would NEVER abuse their connections or false appearance of power to start a witch hunt of cruel lies towards an ex inner circle member who walked away. Nah it couldn’t be that they would only do that just bc they were paranoid and guilty of what little ol me or whoever knows like...idk....their unmasked personal life behaviors and actions. Nah. Couldnt be them.
All in all....Ill never understand what the point of witch hunting and manipulating creators to shield you or get them to do your dirty work is, bc it will always come to light. None of it logically makes sense on a healthy level and people will realize that it sure does seem like peeps have alot to hide or cover up EHH? 🫎
Or maybe not. Walking away peacefully and minding your own business apparently now justifies a witch hunt cyberbully party based on lies no one even attempted to confront me about. So that being said youre fucked either way. BE CAREFUL ON TWITCH lol
Id be surprised if i dont get attack comments on this. <-says this cuz now they won’t but a few passive aggressive ones won’t resist the urge for sure. Its always the ones that seem the kindest but also the loudest about how kind they are. Just something to consider.