My study today was spent defending Jesus as a law-giver and law-keeper. I learned that Jesus' interpretations of justice and mercy were always in existence. We were not made privy to them because of our human frailty, and our hearts hardened by sin. (Matthew 19:8, Mark 3:1-5, Romans 5:13) Even now, the parables reveal things to us that we were not ready to receive when our Lord walked the earth. (John 16:12-15)
We're made in God's image. Every lesson of life we learn, makes us more like Him. As we grow spiritually, we leave behind logic that no longer seems reasonable. (Psalm 17:15, Matthew 10:25, 1 Corinthians 13:11-13)
Jesus, the prophesied Messiah, came to give us a greater, and more glorious law. (Deuteronomy 18:15, Acts 3:22, Jeremiah 31:31-34) Mankind was not ready to receive, much less live out, the fullness of the law when it was given on Mt. Sinai. Even now, we are being perfected and learning, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit. (Deuteronomy 18:15-19, 1 John 2:27) Jesus explained, "I did not come to destroy the law and the prophets, but to fulfill." He also explained how vital it is to keep the whole law. (Matthew 5:17-20)
Throughout the Hebrew scriptures, we are warned not to "turn to the right hand or the left" in keeping the law. (Deuteronomy 5:32, Deuteronomy 17:1, Deuteronomy 28:14, Joshua 23:6) It means not to do more or less than what it says. The way Jesus kept the law (including the Sabbath law) was a correction of the rulers' current practices. Jesus used scripture, creation, and divinely appointed miracles to show people that they were the ones in the wrong.
Most of the laws Jesus explained to us are more easily broken than the law of Moses. We are no longer even allowed to hate, much less murder. (Matthew 5:43-45, Psalm 139:21-22) We can only keep these laws by the power of the Holy Spirit who changes our hearts. God's Holy Spirit makes us people of truth and love.
All Jesus' corrections of the commandments were scorned in his day. Don't you find it strange that Jesus, the Author of Life, is constantly condemned for promoting life and love in the Bible? (Matthew 12:1-24) The Word of God says, "When my father and mother forsake me, the Lord shall take me up." (Psalm 27:10) Jesus, the Word of God made flesh, kept his promises, even on the Sabbath. (John 1:1, John 1:14, Numbers 23:19, Isaiah 40:8) This is the greatest complaint against him among our Jewish brethren today.
In this study, I learned that God has always worked on the Sabbath he gave us. (John 5:17, Mark 2:27) It was God that kept manna from spoiling and breeding worms every Sabbath day in the wilderness. (Exodus 16:24) Jesus used King David, and those who served in the Temple as examples and proof of God's will. We are to serve God and support life every day, including the Sabbath. I finished this study wondering if, "a day with the Lord is as a thousand years," was a literal statement. (2 Peter 3:8, Psalm 90:4) I hope that God will be finished making us into our final form when Jesus is ready for his Sabbath rest with his bride. (Psalm 95:6-11, Hebrews 4:1-12, John 3:26-36)
In Jesus' day, it went against Jewish tradition to fast on the Sabbath. Jesus' disciples did not have food to eat. They were not offered a meal by their peers. Instead they accused Jesus' disciples of breaking the Sabbath because they made produce fit to eat by using their hands to take and rub clean the food God gave them. (Deuteronomy 23:25, Matthew 12:1-7)
I believe the only accusation anyone can have against Jesus is over whether or not he really was one with God. There is no doubt in my mind that Jesus spoke the truth of who he was, and it cost his life. (Matthew 26:65, Isaiah 53:12)
I spent quite a bit thinking on this passage, where Jesus was nearly stoned to death before his crucifixion. The scene takes place during Hanukkah, which is also a time when fasting and mourning are not lawful... yet hate and envy seem to be allowed? No wonder we needed a Messiah to change our hearts! (Zechariah 12:10, John 19:34-37)
John 10:22-33 NLT
22 It was now winter, and Jesus was in Jerusalem at the time of Hanukkah, the Festival of Dedication, 23 He was in the Temple, walking through the section known as Solomon's Colonnade. 24 The people surrounded him and asked, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." 25 Jesus replied, "I have already told you, and you don't believe me. The proof is the work I do in my Father's name. 26 But you don't believe me because you are not my sheep. 27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. 30 The Father and I are one." 31 Once again the people picked up stones to kill him. 32 Jesus said, "At my Father's direction I have done many good works. For which one are you going to stone me?" 33 They replied, "We're stoning you not for any good work, but for blasphemy! You, a mere man, claim to be God."
How can anyone save people who can't discern between their friends and their enemies? How could people bent on causing death appreciate the life-supporting logic of Jesus?
Jesus' logic made sense to those who realized that "an eye for an eye" would make the whole world blind. They had learned enough about judgment to see their need for mercy.
It was God's love for mercy that drove him to sacrifice for us, Jews and Gentiles alike. May we show one another mercy, by resisting our judgmental, sinful nature. (Hebrews 12:2-4, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Hosea 6:1-6)
Acts 17:30-31 NLT

30 "God overlooked people's ignorance about these things in earlier times, but now he commands everyone everywhere to repent of their sins and turn to him. 31 For he has set a day for judging the world with justice by the man he has appointed, and he proved to everyone who this is by raising Him from the dead."

Scripture references:
Jesus' interpretations of justice and mercy were always in existence. We were not made privy to them because of our human frailty, and our hearts hardened by sin.
Matthew 19:8 NLT

8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended.

Mark 3:1-5 NLT

1 Jesus went into the synagogue again and noticed a man with a deformed hand. 2 Since it was the Sabbath, Jesus' enemies watched him closely. If he healed the man's hand, they planned to accuse him of working on the Sabbath. 3 Jesus said to the man with the deformed hand, "Come and stand in front of everyone." 4 Then he turned to his critics and asked, "Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?" But they wouldn't answer him. 5 He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." So the man held out his hand, and it was restored!

Romans 5:13 NKJV

(For until the law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law.

Even now, the parables reveal things to us that we were not ready to receive when our Lord walked the earth.
John 16:12-15 NLT

12 "There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can't bear it now. 13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. 14 He will bring me glory by telling you whatever he receives from me. 15 All that belongs to the Father is mine; this is why I said, 'The Spirit will tell you whatever he receives from me.'

We're made in God's image. Every lesson of life we learn, makes us more like Himself. No person stays a child forever.
Psalm 17:15 NKJV

15 As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.

Matthew 10:25

“It is enough for a disciple that he be like his teacher, and a servant like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more will they call those of his household!

1 Corinthians 13:11-13 NKJV

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Jesus, the prophesied Messiah, came to give us a greater, and more glorious law.
Deuteronomy 18:15 NKJV

15 "The LORD your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your midst, from your brethren. Him you shall hear,

Acts 3:22 NKJV

22 "For Moses truly said to the fathers, 'The LORD your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your brethren. Him you shall hear in all things, whatever He says to you.

Jeremiah 31:31-34 NKJV

31 "Behold, the days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah-- 32 "not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the LORD. 33 "But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 34 "No more shall every man teach his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them, says the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more."

Mankind was not ready to receive the complete law when it was given on Mt. Sinai. Even now, we are being perfected and learning, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit
**Deuteronomy 18:15-19 NLT - 15 Moses continued, "The LORD your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among your fellow Israelites. You must listen to him. 16 For this is what you yourselves requested of the LORD your God when you were assembled at Mount Sinai. You said, 'Don't let us hear the voice of the LORD our God anymore or see this blazing fire, for we will die.' 17 "Then the LORD said to me, 'What they have said is right. 18 I will raise up a prophet like you from among their fellow Israelites. I will put my words in his mouth, and he will tell the people everything I command him. 19 I will personally deal with anyone who will not listen to the messages the prophet proclaims on my behalf.
1 John 2:27 NLT - 27 But you have received the Holy Spirit, and he lives within you, so you don't need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know, and what he teaches is true--it is not a lie. So just as he has taught you, remain in fellowship with Christ.
Jesus explained that He didn't come to destroy God's Laws. He also explained how vital it is to keep them.
Matthew 5:17-20

17 "Don't misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to complete them. 18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not even the smallest detail of God's law will disappear until its purpose is achieved. 19 So if you ignore the least commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be called the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God's laws and teaches them will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven. 20 "But I warn you--unless your righteousness is better than the righteousness of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

Scripture warns us not to "turn to the right hand or the left" from following God's commands. This means not to do more or less than what it says.
Deuteronomy 5:32 NLT

32 So Moses told the people, "You must be careful to obey all the commands of the LORD your God, following his instructions in every detail.

Deuteronomy 17:1 NLT

1 "Never sacrifice sick or defective cattle, sheep, or goats to the LORD your God, for he detests such gifts.

Deuteronomy 28:14 NLT

14 You must not turn away from any of the commands I am giving you today, nor follow after other gods and worship them.

Joshua 23:6 NLT

6 "So be very careful to follow everything Moses wrote in the Book of Instruction. Do not deviate from it, turning either to the right or to the left.

The way Jesus kept the law was a correction of traditions. Jesus used scripture, creation, and miracles to show people the truth.
Under Jesus' glorified laws, we are no longer even allowed to hate, much less murder. We can only keep these laws by the power of the Holy Spirit who changes our hearts.
Matthew 5:43-44 New Covenant: love your enemies, hate their sin.

43 "You have heard the law that says, 'Love your neighbor' and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.

Psalm 139:21-22 Old Covenant: hate those who hate God.

21 O LORD, shouldn't I hate those who hate you? Shouldn't I despise those who oppose you? 22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies.

Jesus' corrections of the commandments were scorned in his day. The Sabbath corrections were only well-received by those who knew they needed mercy.
Matthew 12:1-24 NLT

1 At about that time Jesus was walking through some grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry, so they began breaking off some heads of grain and eating them. 2 But some Pharisees saw them do it and protested, "Look, your disciples are breaking the law by harvesting grain on the Sabbath." 3 Jesus said to them, "Haven't you read in the Scriptures what David did when he and his companions were hungry? 4 He went into the house of God, and he and his companions broke the law by eating the sacred loaves of bread that only the priests are allowed to eat. 5 And haven't you read in the law of Moses that the priests on duty in the Temple may work on the Sabbath? 6 I tell you, there is one here who is even greater than the Temple! 7 But you would not have condemned my innocent disciples if you knew the meaning of this Scripture: 'I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.' 8 For the Son of Man is Lord, even over the Sabbath!" 9 Then Jesus went over to their synagogue, 10 where he noticed a man with a deformed hand. The Pharisees asked Jesus, "Does the law permit a person to work by healing on the Sabbath?" (They were hoping he would say yes, so they could bring charges against him.) 11 And he answered, "If you had a sheep that fell into a well on the Sabbath, wouldn't you work to pull it out? Of course you would. 12 And how much more valuable is a person than a sheep! Yes, the law permits a person to do good on the Sabbath." 13 Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." So the man held out his hand, and it was restored, just like the other one! 14 Then the Pharisees called a meeting to plot how to kill Jesus. 15 But Jesus knew what they were planning. So he left that area, and many people followed him. He healed all the sick among them, 16 but he warned them not to reveal who he was. 17 This fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah concerning him: 18 "Look at my Servant, whom I have chosen. He is my Beloved, who pleases me. I will put my Spirit upon him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations. 19 He will not fight or shout or raise his voice in public. 20 He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious. 21 And his name will be the hope of all the world." 22 Then a demon-possessed man, who was blind and couldn't speak, was brought to Jesus. He healed the man so that he could both speak and see. 23 The crowd was amazed and asked, "Could it be that Jesus is the Son of David, the Messiah?" 24 But when the Pharisees heard about the miracle, they said, "No wonder he can cast out demons. He gets his power from Satan, the prince of demons."

Psalm 27:10

10 Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will take care of me.

God keeps his promises, even on the Sabbath.
John 1:1, 14 NKJV

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ... 14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.

Numbers 23:19 NKJV

19 "God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?

Isaiah 40:8 NKJV

8 The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever."

God has always worked on the Sabbath he gave us.
John 5:17 NKJV

17 But Jesus answered them, "My Father has been working until now, and I have been working."

Mark 2:27 NKJV

27 And He said to them, "The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.

Exodus 16:24 NKJV

24 So they laid it up till morning, as Moses commanded; and it did not stink, nor were there any worms in it.

The rulers of Jesus' day made Sabbath laws that conflicted for the poor. They falsely accused Jesus' followers of harvesting on the Sabbath when they legally took what God provided.
Deuteronomy 23:25 NKJV

25 "When you come into your neighbor's standing grain, you may pluck the heads with your hand, but you shall not use a sickle on your neighbor's standing grain.

Matthew 12:1-7 NKJV

1 At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath. And His disciples were hungry, and began to pluck heads of grain and to eat. 2 And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to Him, "Look, Your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath!" 3 But He said to them, "Have you not read what David did when he was hungry, he and those who were with him: 4 "how he entered the house of God and ate the showbread which was not lawful for him to eat, nor for those who were with him, but only for the priests? 5 "Or have you not read in the law that on the Sabbath the priests in the temple profane the Sabbath, and are blameless? 6 "Yet I say to you that in this place there is One greater than the temple. 7 "But if you had known what this means, 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the guiltless.

Some people say Jesus deserved to die for breaking the law. I know that Jesus spoke the truth of who he was, and paid for it with his life.
Matthew 26:62-65 NKJV

62 And the high priest arose and said to Him, "Do You answer nothing? What is it these men testify against You?" 63 But Jesus kept silent. And the high priest answered and said to Him, "I put You under oath by the living God: Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!" 64 Jesus said to him, "It is as you said. Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven." 65 Then the high priest tore his clothes, saying, "He has spoken blasphemy! What further need do we have of witnesses? Look, now you have heard His blasphemy!

Isaiah 53:12 NKJV - 12 Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great, And He shall divide the spoil with the strong, Because He poured out His soul unto death, And He was numbered with the transgressors, And He bore the sin of many, And made intercession for the transgressors.
Jesus was nearly stoned to death before his crucifixion. The account takes place during Hanukkah, a time when fasting and mourning are not lawful... yet hate and envy seem to be allowed? We needed a Messiah to change our hearts!
John 10:22-33 NLT

22 It was now winter, and Jesus was in Jerusalem at the time of Hanukkah, the Festival of Dedication, 23 He was in the Temple, walking through the section known as Solomon's Colonnade. 24 The people surrounded him and asked, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." 25 Jesus replied, "I have already told you, and you don't believe me. The proof is the work I do in my Father's name. 26 But you don't believe me because you are not my sheep. 27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. 30 The Father and I are one." 31 Once again the people picked up stones to kill him. 32 Jesus said, "At my Father's direction I have done many good works. For which one are you going to stone me?" 33 They replied, "We're stoning you not for any good work, but for blasphemy! You, a mere man, claim to be God."

Zechariah 12:10 NKJV

“And I will pour on the house of David and on the inhabitants of Jerusalem the Spirit of grace and supplication; then they will look on Me whom they pierced. Yes, they will mourn for Him as one mourns for his only son, and grieve for Him as one grieves for a firstborn.

John 19:34-37 NKJV

34 But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately blood and water came out. 35 And he who has seen has testified, and his testimony is true; and he knows that he is telling the truth, so that you may believe. 36 For these things were done that the Scripture should be fulfilled, "Not one of His bones shall be broken." 37 And again another Scripture says, "They shall look on Him whom they pierced."

Jesus' logic made sense to those who had seen enough judgment to realize their need for mercy.
God's love drove him to sacrifice for us, Jews and Gentiles alike. May we show one another mercy, by resisting our judgmental, sinful nature.
Hebrews 12:2-4 NKJV

2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. 4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.

1 Corinthians 10:13 NKJV

13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Hosea 6:1-6 NKJV

1 Come, and let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up. 2 After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight. 3 Let us know, Let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain, Like the latter and former rain to the earth. 4 "O Ephraim, what shall I do to you? O Judah, what shall I do to you? For your faithfulness is like a morning cloud, And like the early dew it goes away. 5 Therefore I have hewn them by the prophets, I have slain them by the words of My mouth; And your judgments are like light that goes forth. 6 For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.

Acts 17:30-31 NLT

30 "God overlooked people's ignorance about these things in earlier times, but now he commands everyone everywhere to repent of their sins and turn to him. 31 For he has set a day for judging the world with justice by the man he has appointed, and he proved to everyone who this is by raising Him from the dead."

May God's truth and love permeate our lives and make us more like Him.

Im sick of hearing "primacy but not supremacy" its the same thing primacy is defined as "the fact of being primary, preeminent, or more important." and is even used in 1960s Catholic theology books. Affirming papal primacy doesn't go with eastern orthodox theology. Also eastern orthodox can cope with "First among equal!" or "Extra honor but no extra authority!" that's completely wrong to the early church and first among equals isnt a good term, if i were always first at something i would be more supreme then another. In regards to the early church Heres some references, Quoted in “Athanasius Quoted works” page 110 Pope Julius Letter to the eusebians at Antioch “And why is nothing said to us (The Apostolic see) concerning the Alexandrians in particular, are you ignorant that the custom has been for word to be written first to us and then for a just decision to be passed from this place” so he is saying in the matter of disputes matter should be brought to the see of Rome as to make a judgment and this is the east he is speaking to not just his patriarchal territories. Then he goes on and says “I beseech you readily bare with me what i write is for the common good, for what we have received from the Blessed apostle Peter that i signify unto you and i should have not written this as deeming that these things should be manifest unto all men had not these proceedings so disturbed us”
some might say this is peter syndrome where we get all giddy and excited when peter is mentioned and Rome is mentioned but i would like to say Pope Julius said he has received something from the Blessed apostle Peter that disputes in the east should be brought to his judgment to be settled.
Now from the writings of the early Church Historian sozomen source: Volume 2 of the nicene and post nicene fathers second series. Book 3 Chapter 10. Heres what he says about this whole affair of Pope Julius writing to the antiochians and what he ment in that segment “the bishops of Egypt having sent the declaration in writing, that these allegations were false and julius having been apprised (to give information to someone) that Athanasius was far from being in safety in egypt send for him to his own city he replied at the same time to the letter of the bishops who were convened at antioch (convened: to bring together a group of people for a meeting, or to meet for a meeting) for just then he happened to receive the epistle and accused them of having planned clandestinely(in a secretive and illicit way.) introduced innovations Contrary to the nicene dogmas and of having violated the laws of the church by neglecting to invite him to join their synod for he alleged that is a sacral Canon which declares that whatever is enacted contrary to the bishop of Rome is null."
Now from Nicea II Pope Hadrians Letter
‘Stand firm; for if you abide with perseverance in the orthodox Faith in which you have begun and so through you the sacred and venerable images are restored in those regions to their former state—just as the lord and emperor Constantine of pious memory and blessed Helena, who promulgated the orthodox Faith, raised up the holy, catholic, and apostolic church of Rome as your spiritual mother, and with the other orthodox emperors venerated it as the head of all the churches...'"
"...of all the churches... If, moreover, following the traditions of the orthodox faith, you embrace the judgment of the church of the blessed Peter prince of the apostles and, as the holy emperors your predecessors did of old, so you too venerate it with honor and love his vicar from the depths of your hearts, or rather if your rule granted by God follows their orthodox faith in accordance with our holy Roman church, the prince of the apostles, to whom was given by the Lord God the power to bind and to loose sins in heaven and on earth."https://orthodoxchurchfathers.com/fathers/npnf214/npnf2258.html
the blessed Cyril, bishop of Alexandria, says: "That we may remain members of our apostolic head, the throne of the Roman Pontiffs, of whom it is our duty to seek what we are to believe and what we are to hold, venerating him, beseeching him above others; for his it is to reprove, to correct, to appoint, to loose, and to bind in place of Him Who set up that very throne, and Who gave the fulness of His own to no other, but to him alone, to whom by divine right all bow the head, and the primates of the world are obedient as to our Lord Jesus Christ Himself.
St. Damasus, Pope of Rome (A.D. 304-384)
“Although the catholic churches diffused throughout the world are one bridal chamber of Christ, yet the holy Roman church has been preferred to all other churches, not by any synodical decrees, but has obtained the primacy by the voice of our Lord and Savior in the gospel, saying: ‘You are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church, and the gates of hell will never prevail against it; and I will give to you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven…..Therefore, the first see of Peter the Apostles is that of the Roman church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing” (Decree of Damasus, Roman Synod 382. Patrologia Latina 13.374; Jalland, T.G. (1944). Church and Papacy. London: Morehouse-Gorham Co. p. 255-57)
“For in view of our office there is no freedom for us, on whom a zeal for the Christian religion is incumbent greater than on all others, to dissimulate or to be silent. We bear the burdens of all who are oppressed, or rather the blessed apostle Peter, who in all things protects and preserves us, the heirs, as we trust, of his administration, bears them in us…[proceeds to list a number of errors being promoted in Tarragona (Spain)]… it is also inappropriate henceforth for you to deviate from that path, if you do not wish to be separated from our company by synodal sentence….Enough error on this matter! All priests who do not wish to be torn from the solidity of the apostolic rock, upon which Christ built the universal Church, should now hold the aforementioned rule…[lists more errors]…let them know that they have been expelled by the authority of the apostolic see from every ecclesiastical office, which they used unworthily…[lists more errors]… there is freedom for no priest of the Lord to be ignorant of the statutes of the apostolic see and the venerable decrees of the canons…” (Pope Siricius to Bishop Himerius of Tarragona 385 AD, Epistle 1, Directa Ad Decessorem. Patrologia Latina 13.1132; Ed. Pierre Coustant, Epistolae Romanorum pontificum (Paris, 1721; reprint Farnborough, 1967), 623-638.)
St. Innocent, Pope of Rome (401-417)
The reply of Pope St. Innocent in 417 to the Africans concerning their appeal on the controversy of Pelagius/Celestius goes like this:
“In making inquiry with respect to those things that should be treated with all solicitude by bishops, and especially by a true and just and Catholic Council, by preserving, as you have done, the example of ancient tradition, and by being mindful of ecclesiastical discipline, you have truly strengthened the vigour of our Faith, no less now in consulting us than before in passing sentence. For you decided that it was proper to refer to our judgement, knowing what is due to the Apostolic See, since all we who are set in this place, desire to follow the Apostle (Peter) from whom the very episcopate and whole authority of this name is derived. Following in his steps, we know how to condemn the evil and to approve the good. So also, you have by your sacerdotal office preserved the customs of the Fathers, and have not spurned that which they decreed by a divine and not human sentence, that whatsoever is done, even though it be in distant provinces, should not be ended without being brought to the knowledge of this See, [39] that by its authority the whole just pronouncement should be strengthened, and that from it all other Churches (like waters flowing from their natal source and flowing through the different regions of the world, the pure streams of one incorrupt head), should receive what they ought to enjoin, whom they ought to wash, and whom that water, worthy of pure bodies, should avoid as defiled with uncleansable filth. I congratulate you, therefore, dearest brethren, that you have directed letters to us by our brother and fellow-bishop Julius, and that, while caring for the Churches which you rule, you also show your solicitude for the well-being of all, and that you ask for a decree that shall profit all the Churches of the world at once; [40] so that the Church being established in her rules and confirmed by this decree of just pronouncement against such errors, may be unable to fear those men, etc.” (Pope Innocent I, Epistle 29, to the Council of Carthage (In requirendis). Jan 27, 417 AD. Patrologia Latina 33.780)
Pope St. Zosimus (AD 417)
Innocent’s successor, Pope Zosimus, continued to write letters to Africa concerning the same Pelagian issue:
“Although the tradition of the Fathers has attributed such great authority to the Apostolic See that no one would dare to disagree wholly with its judgment, and it has always preserved this [judgment] by canons and rules, and current ecclesiastical discipline up to this time by its laws pays the reverence which is due to the name of Peter, from whom it has itself descended …; since therefore Peter the head is of such great authority and he has confirmed the subsequent endeavors of all our ancestors, so that the Roman Church is fortified … by human as well as by divine laws, and it does not escape you that we rule its place and also hold power of the name itself, nevertheless you know, dearest brethren, and as priests you ought to know, although we have such great authority that no one can dare to retract from our decision, yet we have done nothing which we have not voluntarily referred to your notice by letters … not because we did not know what ought to be done, or would do anything which by going against the advantage of the Church, would be displeasing.…(From the epistle (12) “Quamvis Patrum traditio” to the African bishops, March 21, 418. Patrologia Latina 20. 676; Denzinger, H., & Rahner, K. (Eds.). (1954). The sources of Catholic dogma. (R. J. Deferrari, Trans.) (p. 47). St. Louis, MO: B. Herder Book Co.)
MG 54.743. Jerome: "I keep the unity in communion with your Beatitude, that is, with Peter's chair. I know that the Church has been built upon that rock." (Epist. 15.1, to Pope Damasus, ML 22.355).
The Roman See is the "Apostolic Chair" or the "Apostolic See." Augustine: "The sovereignty of the Apostolic Chair was always in the Roman Church" (Epist. 43, ML 33.163); "Apostolic See" (Serm. 131.10, ML 38.734).
The Roman Church presides as a sovereign over all the other churches. Gregory of Nazianzus: "It presides over all" (Poems, 2.1.12, MG 37.1068); Theodoret of Cyrus: "That most holy see holds in many ways the sovereignty over the churches of the entire world, especially because it kept immune of heretical corruption, and never a dissenter sat in it, but everyone
The Roman See is the source of all rights in the Church. Ambrose: "From that See derive into all the rights of the venerable communion." (Epist. 11.4, ML 16.986).
"Rome has spoken, the case is closed" ("Roma locuta est, causa finita est"). This famous axiom derives from Augustine saying about the debate on Pelagian heresy: "Concerning this question two conciliar decisions have been sent to the Apostolic See: also rescripts came from there, hence the trial is over." (Serm. 131.10, ML 38.734).
The Roman Pontiffs themselves constantly asserted their primacy, as is shown in the following summary of their doctrine.
They apply to themselves Christ's words to Peter, Matt 16.18 ff.: "Thou art Peter..." and John 21.15-17: "Feed My lambs..." Thus Siricius, Boniface I, the "Decree of Gelasius," Hormisdas, Pelagius I, Nicholas I (Denz. 184, 234, 350, 383, 446, 640).
Sure, here is the transcription of the text from the third image:
The Roman Pontiff is Peter's moral person. Siricius: "[The Roman Pontiff is] the apostolic rock." (Denz. 184). Innocent I: "Whenever a question of faith is dealt with, all must refer only to Peter, that is, to the one who bears his name and his honor." (Denz. 218). Leo I: "The blessed Peter did not leave the government which he received... In his See [that is, the Roman] his power is alive and his authority is visible." (Serm. 32 f., ML 54.145 f.).
Peter remains in his successors. See Leo I, just quoted. Philip, apostolic legate to the Council of Ephesus: Peter "is always living in his successors." (Denz. 3056).
The Roman Pontiff is "Peter's heir" (Siricius, Denz. 181) and has "Peter's See" (Leo I, quoted above; Gelasius, quoted below).
The Roman Pontiff has "the care of all the churches." (Innocent I, Denz. 218; Leo I, Serm. 5.2 ML 54.153). He is "the head of all the churches" (Boniface I, Denz. 233; "Decree of Gelasius," Denz. 350; Pelagius I, Denz. 446, 640).
The honor of writing the last Latin manual of Scholastic theology truly belongs to Emmanuel Doronzo (1903-1976), the eminent sacramental theologian of Catholic University of America (Washington, D.C.) in the mid-to-late 20th Century. He wrote a complete, traditional Scholastic, dogmatic manual in 1966, a year after the closing of Vatican II
The Science of Sacred Theology by Doronzo Emmanuel.
https://obrascatolicas.com/livros/Teologia/Doronzo%20The%20Science%20of%20Sacred%20Theology%20for%20Teacers%20Bk%204.pdf
https://www.patheos.com/blogs/davearmstrong/2018/02/papal-participation-in-the-first-seven-ecumenical-councils.html since i was reasearching constantinople I i had came across this: "This council also was convoked by an emperor, Theodosius I. [Ibid.] The language of his decree suggests he regarded the Roman see as a yardstick of Christian orthodoxy."
Pope Vigilius came to become Pope amid much turmoil in 537, as his predecessor, St Silverius, had been accused of treason, defrocked, and exiled by Belisarius, the general under Empress Theodora. Silverius had refused to re-instate the monophysite patriarch of Constantinople, whom Pope Agapetus had deposed — even here, a recognition of the canonical authority of Rome to depose and judge the other most prominent and important Sees of Christendom was something the Popes fought bitterly to maintain against the emperors.
Where was this canonical authority established? In fact, it was as old as the Church itself. When Athanasius had been exiled by a judgment of the Alexandrian Church, Pope Julius had written on his behalf (341): “Judgment ought to have been made, not as it was, but according to the ecclesiastical canon. It behoved you all to write us so that the justice of it might be seen as emanating from all.” Again: “Are you ignorant that the custom has been to write first to us and then for a just decision to be passed from this place [Rome]?” For Pope St Julius, the judgment of Athanasius which had not sought approval from Rome was a canonical novelty: “not thus are the constitutions of Paul, not thus the traditions of the Fathers. This is another form of procedure, and a novel practice.” However, the reference of judgment to the Apostolic See was something taught by the Apostle Peter: “For what we have heard from the Apostle Peter, these things I signify to you.”
Cope.

Im sick of hearing "primacy but not supremacy" its the same thing primacy is defined as "the fact of being primary, preeminent, or more important." and is even used in 1960s Catholic theology books. Affirming papal primacy doesn't go with eastern orthodox theology. Also eastern orthodox can cope with "First among equal!" or "Extra honor but no extra authority!" that's completely wrong to the early church and first among equals isnt a good term, if i were always first at something i would be more supreme then another. In regards to the early church Heres some references, Quoted in “Athanasius Quoted works” page 110 Pope Julius Letter to the eusebians at Antioch “And why is nothing said to us (The Apostolic see) concerning the Alexandrians in particular, are you ignorant that the custom has been for word to be written first to us and then for a just decision to be passed from this place” so he is saying in the matter of disputes matter should be brought to the see of Rome as to make a judgment and this is the east he is speaking to not just his patriarchal territories. Then he goes on and says “I beseech you readily bare with me what i write is for the common good, for what we have received from the Blessed apostle Peter that i signify unto you and i should have not written this as deeming that these things should be manifest unto all men had not these proceedings so disturbed us”
some might say this is peter syndrome where we get all giddy and excited when peter is mentioned and Rome is mentioned but i would like to say Pope Julius said he has received something from the Blessed apostle Peter that disputes in the east should be brought to his judgment to be settled.
Now from the writings of the early Church Historian sozomen source: Volume 2 of the nicene and post nicene fathers second series. Book 3 Chapter 10. Heres what he says about this whole affair of Pope Julius writing to the antiochians and what he ment in that segment “the bishops of Egypt having sent the declaration in writing, that these allegations were false and julius having been apprised (to give information to someone) that Athanasius was far from being in safety in egypt send for him to his own city he replied at the same time to the letter of the bishops who were convened at antioch (convened: to bring together a group of people for a meeting, or to meet for a meeting) for just then he happened to receive the epistle and accused them of having planned clandestinely(in a secretive and illicit way.) introduced innovations Contrary to the nicene dogmas and of having violated the laws of the church by neglecting to invite him to join their synod for he alleged that is a sacral Canon which declares that whatever is enacted contrary to the bishop of Rome is null."
Now from Nicea II Pope Hadrians Letter
‘Stand firm; for if you abide with perseverance in the orthodox Faith in which you have begun and so through you the sacred and venerable images are restored in those regions to their former state—just as the lord and emperor Constantine of pious memory and blessed Helena, who promulgated the orthodox Faith, raised up the holy, catholic, and apostolic church of Rome as your spiritual mother, and with the other orthodox emperors venerated it as the head of all the churches...'"
"...of all the churches... If, moreover, following the traditions of the orthodox faith, you embrace the judgment of the church of the blessed Peter prince of the apostles and, as the holy emperors your predecessors did of old, so you too venerate it with honor and love his vicar from the depths of your hearts, or rather if your rule granted by God follows their orthodox faith in accordance with our holy Roman church, the prince of the apostles, to whom was given by the Lord God the power to bind and to loose sins in heaven and on earth."https://orthodoxchurchfathers.com/fathers/npnf214/npnf2258.html
the blessed Cyril, bishop of Alexandria, says: "That we may remain members of our apostolic head, the throne of the Roman Pontiffs, of whom it is our duty to seek what we are to believe and what we are to hold, venerating him, beseeching him above others; for his it is to reprove, to correct, to appoint, to loose, and to bind in place of Him Who set up that very throne, and Who gave the fulness of His own to no other, but to him alone, to whom by divine right all bow the head, and the primates of the world are obedient as to our Lord Jesus Christ Himself.
St. Damasus, Pope of Rome (A.D. 304-384)
“Although the catholic churches diffused throughout the world are one bridal chamber of Christ, yet the holy Roman church has been preferred to all other churches, not by any synodical decrees, but has obtained the primacy by the voice of our Lord and Savior in the gospel, saying: ‘You are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church, and the gates of hell will never prevail against it; and I will give to you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven…..Therefore, the first see of Peter the Apostles is that of the Roman church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing” (Decree of Damasus, Roman Synod 382. Patrologia Latina 13.374; Jalland, T.G. (1944). Church and Papacy. London: Morehouse-Gorham Co. p. 255-57)
“For in view of our office there is no freedom for us, on whom a zeal for the Christian religion is incumbent greater than on all others, to dissimulate or to be silent. We bear the burdens of all who are oppressed, or rather the blessed apostle Peter, who in all things protects and preserves us, the heirs, as we trust, of his administration, bears them in us…[proceeds to list a number of errors being promoted in Tarragona (Spain)]… it is also inappropriate henceforth for you to deviate from that path, if you do not wish to be separated from our company by synodal sentence….Enough error on this matter! All priests who do not wish to be torn from the solidity of the apostolic rock, upon which Christ built the universal Church, should now hold the aforementioned rule…[lists more errors]…let them know that they have been expelled by the authority of the apostolic see from every ecclesiastical office, which they used unworthily…[lists more errors]… there is freedom for no priest of the Lord to be ignorant of the statutes of the apostolic see and the venerable decrees of the canons…” (Pope Siricius to Bishop Himerius of Tarragona 385 AD, Epistle 1, Directa Ad Decessorem. Patrologia Latina 13.1132; Ed. Pierre Coustant, Epistolae Romanorum pontificum (Paris, 1721; reprint Farnborough, 1967), 623-638.)
St. Innocent, Pope of Rome (401-417)
The reply of Pope St. Innocent in 417 to the Africans concerning their appeal on the controversy of Pelagius/Celestius goes like this:
“In making inquiry with respect to those things that should be treated with all solicitude by bishops, and especially by a true and just and Catholic Council, by preserving, as you have done, the example of ancient tradition, and by being mindful of ecclesiastical discipline, you have truly strengthened the vigour of our Faith, no less now in consulting us than before in passing sentence. For you decided that it was proper to refer to our judgement, knowing what is due to the Apostolic See, since all we who are set in this place, desire to follow the Apostle (Peter) from whom the very episcopate and whole authority of this name is derived. Following in his steps, we know how to condemn the evil and to approve the good. So also, you have by your sacerdotal office preserved the customs of the Fathers, and have not spurned that which they decreed by a divine and not human sentence, that whatsoever is done, even though it be in distant provinces, should not be ended without being brought to the knowledge of this See, [39] that by its authority the whole just pronouncement should be strengthened, and that from it all other Churches (like waters flowing from their natal source and flowing through the different regions of the world, the pure streams of one incorrupt head), should receive what they ought to enjoin, whom they ought to wash, and whom that water, worthy of pure bodies, should avoid as defiled with uncleansable filth. I congratulate you, therefore, dearest brethren, that you have directed letters to us by our brother and fellow-bishop Julius, and that, while caring for the Churches which you rule, you also show your solicitude for the well-being of all, and that you ask for a decree that shall profit all the Churches of the world at once; [40] so that the Church being established in her rules and confirmed by this decree of just pronouncement against such errors, may be unable to fear those men, etc.” (Pope Innocent I, Epistle 29, to the Council of Carthage (In requirendis). Jan 27, 417 AD. Patrologia Latina 33.780)
Pope St. Zosimus (AD 417)
Innocent’s successor, Pope Zosimus, continued to write letters to Africa concerning the same Pelagian issue:
“Although the tradition of the Fathers has attributed such great authority to the Apostolic See that no one would dare to disagree wholly with its judgment, and it has always preserved this [judgment] by canons and rules, and current ecclesiastical discipline up to this time by its laws pays the reverence which is due to the name of Peter, from whom it has itself descended …; since therefore Peter the head is of such great authority and he has confirmed the subsequent endeavors of all our ancestors, so that the Roman Church is fortified … by human as well as by divine laws, and it does not escape you that we rule its place and also hold power of the name itself, nevertheless you know, dearest brethren, and as priests you ought to know, although we have such great authority that no one can dare to retract from our decision, yet we have done nothing which we have not voluntarily referred to your notice by letters … not because we did not know what ought to be done, or would do anything which by going against the advantage of the Church, would be displeasing.…(From the epistle (12) “Quamvis Patrum traditio” to the African bishops, March 21, 418. Patrologia Latina 20. 676; Denzinger, H., & Rahner, K. (Eds.). (1954). The sources of Catholic dogma. (R. J. Deferrari, Trans.) (p. 47). St. Louis, MO: B. Herder Book Co.)
MG 54.743. Jerome: "I keep the unity in communion with your Beatitude, that is, with Peter's chair. I know that the Church has been built upon that rock." (Epist. 15.1, to Pope Damasus, ML 22.355).
The Roman See is the "Apostolic Chair" or the "Apostolic See." Augustine: "The sovereignty of the Apostolic Chair was always in the Roman Church" (Epist. 43, ML 33.163); "Apostolic See" (Serm. 131.10, ML 38.734).
The Roman Church presides as a sovereign over all the other churches. Gregory of Nazianzus: "It presides over all" (Poems, 2.1.12, MG 37.1068); Theodoret of Cyrus: "That most holy see holds in many ways the sovereignty over the churches of the entire world, especially because it kept immune of heretical corruption, and never a dissenter sat in it, but everyone
The Roman See is the source of all rights in the Church. Ambrose: "From that See derive into all the rights of the venerable communion." (Epist. 11.4, ML 16.986).
"Rome has spoken, the case is closed" ("Roma locuta est, causa finita est"). This famous axiom derives from Augustine saying about the debate on Pelagian heresy: "Concerning this question two conciliar decisions have been sent to the Apostolic See: also rescripts came from there, hence the trial is over." (Serm. 131.10, ML 38.734).
The Roman Pontiffs themselves constantly asserted their primacy, as is shown in the following summary of their doctrine.
They apply to themselves Christ's words to Peter, Matt 16.18 ff.: "Thou art Peter..." and John 21.15-17: "Feed My lambs..." Thus Siricius, Boniface I, the "Decree of Gelasius," Hormisdas, Pelagius I, Nicholas I (Denz. 184, 234, 350, 383, 446, 640).
Sure, here is the transcription of the text from the third image:
The Roman Pontiff is Peter's moral person. Siricius: "[The Roman Pontiff is] the apostolic rock." (Denz. 184). Innocent I: "Whenever a question of faith is dealt with, all must refer only to Peter, that is, to the one who bears his name and his honor." (Denz. 218). Leo I: "The blessed Peter did not leave the government which he received... In his See [that is, the Roman] his power is alive and his authority is visible." (Serm. 32 f., ML 54.145 f.).
Peter remains in his successors. See Leo I, just quoted. Philip, apostolic legate to the Council of Ephesus: Peter "is always living in his successors." (Denz. 3056).
The Roman Pontiff is "Peter's heir" (Siricius, Denz. 181) and has "Peter's See" (Leo I, quoted above; Gelasius, quoted below).
The Roman Pontiff has "the care of all the churches." (Innocent I, Denz. 218; Leo I, Serm. 5.2 ML 54.153). He is "the head of all the churches" (Boniface I, Denz. 233; "Decree of Gelasius," Denz. 350; Pelagius I, Denz. 446, 640).
The honor of writing the last Latin manual of Scholastic theology truly belongs to Emmanuel Doronzo (1903-1976), the eminent sacramental theologian of Catholic University of America (Washington, D.C.) in the mid-to-late 20th Century. He wrote a complete, traditional Scholastic, dogmatic manual in 1966, a year after the closing of Vatican II
The Science of Sacred Theology by Doronzo Emmanuel.
https://obrascatolicas.com/livros/Teologia/Doronzo%20The%20Science%20of%20Sacred%20Theology%20for%20Teacers%20Bk%204.pdf
https://www.patheos.com/blogs/davearmstrong/2018/02/papal-participation-in-the-first-seven-ecumenical-councils.html since i was reasearching constantinople I i had came across this: "This council also was convoked by an emperor, Theodosius I. [Ibid.] The language of his decree suggests he regarded the Roman see as a yardstick of Christian orthodoxy."
Pope Vigilius came to become Pope amid much turmoil in 537, as his predecessor, St Silverius, had been accused of treason, defrocked, and exiled by Belisarius, the general under Empress Theodora. Silverius had refused to re-instate the monophysite patriarch of Constantinople, whom Pope Agapetus had deposed — even here, a recognition of the canonical authority of Rome to depose and judge the other most prominent and important Sees of Christendom was something the Popes fought bitterly to maintain against the emperors.
Where was this canonical authority established? In fact, it was as old as the Church itself. When Athanasius had been exiled by a judgment of the Alexandrian Church, Pope Julius had written on his behalf (341): “Judgment ought to have been made, not as it was, but according to the ecclesiastical canon. It behoved you all to write us so that the justice of it might be seen as emanating from all.” Again: “Are you ignorant that the custom has been to write first to us and then for a just decision to be passed from this place [Rome]?” For Pope St Julius, the judgment of Athanasius which had not sought approval from Rome was a canonical novelty: “not thus are the constitutions of Paul, not thus the traditions of the Fathers. This is another form of procedure, and a novel practice.” However, the reference of judgment to the Apostolic See was something taught by the Apostle Peter: “For what we have heard from the Apostle Peter, these things I signify to you.”
Cope.

Seemingly out of the blue my fiancé (dating for 4.5 years) dumped me on a voice note lasting 2 minutes saying we cannot be together. No explanation was given, and he said he does not want to talk about it. My fiancé lives 2 hours away. I’m absolutely devastated and didn’t see this coming. He said on the note he did it this way because he just chicken and can’t face me. I am devastated and it’s been a week and I haven’t responded. I feel like I the way he ended things is the biggest disrespect ever and it truly shatters my heart to pieces. No explanation or anything. I have the wedding dress tailored to me.
A background of behaviour leading up: A month ago he kept talking about the wedding how he wanted to get married this summer and what kind of venue and all. Then I discovered that last year he took a trip out of town for business reasons and he never told me. (Lied by omission I guess) when I confronted him about this he shut down and proceeded to ghost me and give me silent treatment. Then he came back after I messed him and apologized, bought me flowers, told me he was sorry and that he loved me. Days before the dump: we went for dinner in my city had a good time but I brought up I wanted him to not ghost me like that again because it was super hard for me (I lost a bunch of weight, couldn’t eat). Anyways we didn’t really get into it. The next day he leaves to his city and he is telling me he wishes I was there and he will buy me a ticket to come. Then the day after: under 2 minute voice note that he loves me, he can’t face me, we can’t be together and he doesn’t want to talk.
I am still in shock and I don’t even know how to reach out. I could text? Feels so insane to me to text someone so important about something that was so so significant in my life. I am absolutely devastated. I think if I called he wouldn’t pick up to be honest. I want to talk, I want to return my ring too but I’m so scared of reaching out and having this person twists new knifes into my heart. I will not beg him to reconsider but I still feel so insanely hurt by the way he ended things after so much, looking at venues, buying a dress. This is truly a nightmare for me, I’m so broken. Please advice.

I don’t know where else to say this. No one believes me, no one that hasn’t seen it already. But I have to say something so here it is and the world can decide.
I was a good worker. I showed up for my shifts and did what my written job description said, never missed a day or a chance for a day off. My goal was to be average, to not be good enough to noticed and given more responsibilities, but also not be bad enough to be noticed and put on watch. It’s what I’ve done all my life. Fly under the radar, be easily missed during inspections and blend into the crowd. I got B’s in school, had no intention of going to college or university, not like I’d ever be able to afford it, just wanted a secure job to let me afford my underachieving lifestyle. Took me almost ten years to find something like that, drifitng from one job to another, leaving when too many people started to notice I was much better at the job than I let on.
And eventually I found the perfect fit for myself. I was an overnight security operator, don’t get excited it’s a fancy title for spending all night watching security monitors, for a commuter train. I can’t say which one or where for the safety of others and myself. The job was simple, watch the camera feeds of my designated train and write a report for anything unusual. On a rare occasion make a statement to the police, and I mean rare occasion. In my five years doing that job I spoke to the police maybe twice before the incident.
I think that’s enough background so onto the point. It was a regular Thursday night, shift started at 10pm, working with Larry, Bob, and Sue (not their real names for their safety and more importantly, mine) watching the cameras. Made some notes, forgotten umbrella (wasn’t raining), camera glitch, group of 4 drunk men, person in hoodie doing the drug addict lean (you know the one). The camera glitch was expected, an extension to the rail line was recently completed which included a very long tunnel through a hill side, which about the middle of it was so deep that the cameras would cut out for about 2-3 seconds. It was actually pretty amazing that we got any signal from the trains in the tunnel at all. The wonders of signal boosters. But something about that night caught my attention. I didn’t know what it was at first, just felt something was off. I ignored it that night because at 3 am, everything feels weird. At the end of the shift, about 930am I made my report for the night, handed the desk over to Bill (again, not their real name) and went home on the same train system I monitored.
But the feeling was still in my head. Something happened on the train that night that I wasn’t consciously aware of. I ignored it still, drank my favorite cheap whiskey and went to bed. The feeling stayed with me the next few days. That damned feeling that you know something isn’t right but you can’t figure out. It’s like when you accidently put your phone in a different pocket than normal. So finally on Monday night (you have no idea how busy security monitors get on weekends) when my trains were in the depot getting cleaned I brought up the Thursday night footage and scrolled through it. Same things I made note of were there but the feeling was still there. So I went through it again. And again. The fifth time through I finally found it.
On the third wagon, almost in the blindspot between the cameras, at 2:58am was a regular person just playing a game on their phone. The camera glitched for 2 seconds, and they were gone. I though maybe they just moved completely into the blindspot but no, they were gone. Didn’t get off the train, didn’t reappear. I checked the entire recording of the night. I had no idea what to do. I should have told someone, or made a report, or anything. Instead, I told myself that was really weird and kept doing my thing. Flying under the radar, trying to be mostly invisible.
Two weeks later on Monday night, I saw it again. The camera glitch, and someone disappearing. I scrolled back the footage to make sure. Again, I did nothing. This time telling myself it was just shadows on the lense or the plastic bubble around the camera was dirty. But you know what they say; once is odd, twice is a coincidence, thrice is a pattern. The third time I did something. I made a report. Yeah, real brave i know. Making a comment about “shadows on the lense after tunnel glitch” on my daily report. But that night I started looking into missing people cases. Larry asked what I was doing, I said reading the news while my train was getting cleaned. Better than Bob, who was usually watching youtube and/or playing games on his phone while his train was still making rounds.
Anyways, I found some leads. 3 missing people, last seen heading to the public commuter train before disappearing. But there were more, so many more. Dozens over the past several years, all last seen heading into the area above the new tunnel. Unsurprisingly, they had all been alone at the time.
I won’t go into detail about how this troubled me for nearly a year. Just know that eventually curiosity got its way. On a night off I got my jacket and went out to a train station. Late spring night, a bit colder than prefered, 2am train. The last circuit before this train would make for the depot for maintenance. And I was on it. It would take nearly an hour to reach the tunnel and I was scared but I had to know. Like all those times you watch or read some horror and the character starts reaching for the obviously dangerous thing, you mock them endlessly but I understood now. Fear of the unknown is strong and just seeing what is obviously evil will help you put it out of your mind. But I knew the rules. Be ready to run, have two exits planned, don’t look back.
I sat near the door because I didn’t want to stand the whole time. And when the train finally barreled into the tunnel I started to regret my choice. It was nearly a mile long and just enough room for the train and a very brave worker on each side. I watched my watch 2:59am and ticking closer to 3am. Tick, tick, tick. Who knew a twenty year old analog watch could be so ominous? But then my watch stopped. I looked out the windows and the train had stopped. Not rolled to a stop like trains need to do, just complete dead stop and I didn’t notice. But the lights on the walls were stretched out, the effect that you can only see when you’re moving past them really fast in the dark. My first thought, being a sci-fi fan was that time stopped, yet I moved.
Then I heard a scream and footsteps at the end of the train behind me. I thought about the rules of survival I made and then thought about time being stopped, would the doors open? WOuld I be safe jumping from the train? I’ve seen what happens when someone gets clipped by a train (one of the reasons I had to speak to police) and it’s messy. I heard another scream, desperate and afraid, then the sound of someone tumbling to the floor and something scratching over the floor. A phone bounced off my foot and spun to a stop in front of me. I looked down at it as the screams behind mean grew more horrified and pained. I dared a look at the window to see the reflection of what was happening. And the best I can say is smoke pouring over someone but it was completely shredding the person like a blender but not making a noise and vacuuming up the shreds. Some mental fortitude I didn’t know about kept me from puking and stock still. The screams eventually came to a wet gurgling end and in the reflection I saw a pair of lights flick on in the smoke. Looking back they were eyes but in the moment they were two neon blue lights looking at the window, then making eye contact with me in the reflection. I held my breath.
The smoke soundlessly glided up the aisle and I kept still, not moving at all, keeping my eyes exactly were they were focused before. It drifted closer and closer to me and by god I wanted to cry. It hovered there letting me catch a scent and I want to say it smelled like something burning, or like rot and death, or anything bad. But it was worse, so much worse. It smelled like cooked pork, lightly burnt. It hovered for what felt like hours beside me, I was desperate for air, my eyes were burning from not blinking and those neon lights were staring into my soul. Then the train wobbled as it passed a bend. I have no idea when the thing disappeared or when time resumed, felt like I blacked out for a moment but I know that's not what it was.
I sat there in my seat blinking and breathing deeply to recover. And then I looked down. The phone was still on the floor near my feet. I left it there but I kept staring at it, like when you notice broken glass on the ground and focus on it so you can avoid stepping in it. At the next station i got off the train and went to an always open fast food place. I got a coffee and started writing this. It would be two hours until a train back towards my apartment, one that takes the old long route around the tunnel.
I didn't sleep that day. How could I after watching someone get shredded and devoured? So I sat at my PC and wandered through my games library all day. Think I fell asleep a couple times for maybe an hour. Next night I went to work like normal, focused on my usual behavior. But after two hours I was called into my supervisor's office.
It was relatively normal, they check in with night shift people every few months to make sure we're doing okay. See if we want to change to day shift for mental health. Was all normal until he put his clipboard down and off to the side. He took a deep breath and looked at me, like really looked. That deep penetrating look when someone can see through your lies.
“You saw it.” He said. Three simple words that felt like he was telling me I had a fatal incurable illness. I just nodded. “You have two choices now. Like all of us that know. Either you leave and find a new job and never speak of the incident because you will be a suspect in the disappearance; or you keep doing your job as you always have but with a raise to ignore the camera glitches.” I sat for a while assuming I had to make a choice then and there.
That conversation has been burned into my brain. I still remember it verbatim. And I wish I could say I made the morally correct choice. But I'm an underachieving coward always looking to take the easy path. So I still watch the cameras through the night, but with some extra money to ignore the occasional camera glitch on the extension. I found out accidentally that Larry and Sue also knew about the incidents and made the same choice I did. And we all knew the same amount of nothing and we prefer it that way.
So that's why I'm putting this out there. Maybe someday someone better than me can figure this out.
I still can't eat pork.

Age 27
Sex male
Height 198cm
Weight 125 kg
Race
Duration of complaint 5 years back and forth
Location Sweden
Any existing relevant medical issues no
Current medications non
Include a photo if relevant non
Hey everyone!
Am hoping by writing this to be able to get some perspective by any one who happens to have the same experience as mine.
It’s all started at 2018 in October when I got heavily chest symptoms, therefore I went immediately to the hospital. They do all the blood test and ECG, everything looked normal except for my troponin T levels, which wasn’t so high it was around 20 and the normal in 15>. My episode of this went back and forth for the past 5 years or so, which basically limited my life activities. I used to be active basketball player whom at the end stoped my activities because of the unknown reason of my troponin T slightly rising levels. HOWEVER I stopped all activities for around 2 years and did my tests which shows normal levels of troponin T which was 13mg. Furthermore yesterday I felt little but sick with some weird feeling in the chest, I went to the hospital and the checked me and my troponin levels were 16mg, so slightly above normal levels, still yet i have great blood work and every thing looks normal! My heart rate is 55 so it’s should be good I guess.
OBS! My question is what is wrong with my troponin T why is it so unlikely to go to little and not like normal sick humans up to 400mg or so?? Am not smoker nor alcoholic Pearson. I sleep early and eat organic great diet with no processed food.
If someone have any idea or any similar situation to this, or happen to have experience in this field. Please help!! Thank you in advance

I wanted to post here for feedback. I've posted before on other subs but I wanted to see what people's perspectives on this sub are.
I have been with my partner for 15 years and we have 2 children together. We were each others first everything. Our relationship has been very volatile at times and more than our share of ups and downs. I think we became attached and "fell in love" too quickly in the beginning, but over the years we've probably fallen out of love and if we're being honest our children are our main reason we're trying to stay together. We've recently been trying to work on our relationship more and it's helped a bit.
So 2 months ago I contacted a female my partner worked with 14 years ago while he was a manager at a retail store. I had always been uneasy about their working relationship but pushed my intuition aside for many years. She messaged me back and was very candid and open that they had been sleeping together nearly the entire year they worked together. She did not know he had a girlfriend(me) at that time. She said they would have sex every few weeks either in the office after closing alone together, in the car after work, or at her place. For a year. She said he told her he didn't have texting on his phone(he lied) so they only arranged things at work or over the phone. They never went on dates or anything but flirted and made out at work frequently and hooked up every few weeks. She figures they had sex a minimum of a dozen times from February until NovembeDecember when he quit suddenly and essentially ghosted her.
I confronted my partner about this and he at first denied it, saying she was crazy and making it up, that she was bitter, etc. I called him on this obvious BS, and eventually he admitted he vaguely remembers sleeping with her ~4 times during that year, but says the only times he actually remembers were during a time we had been broken up for 3 months later that year. She says it was the entire year. He also denies remembering pursuing her at work when he first started there, as she said he did. He doesn't remember giving her his number in the beginning either. He doesn't remember ever having sex with her in the car or at work or making out with her at work. She says it was pretty frequent making out and they definitely had sex in those places, but he only remembers it happening at her place. He essentially doesn't remember any kind of cheating on me, but says his gut tells him he did.
He described the times he remembers sleeping with her as "not good sex", that he wasn't really interested in her, wasn't really attracted to her, was just using her for the ego boost of feeling desired. Yet she describes the sex very differently, that he was definitely enjoying himself, that they would cuddle afterwards and he was affectionate to her. Not to mention the excitement factor from sex in the office or car. His account and her account couldn't be more different but I absolutely believe her because she was very apologetic and didn't initially want to give me the details, she never knew she was the other woman. She was hurt when he quit suddenly and ghosted her.
My partner came clean about another incident 11 years ago when I was pregnant with our second baby. He had gone out to a bar with coworkers and got drunk and went back to one woman's place where she gave him oral before he lost his erection and she drove him back. However I contacted her after his confession and she said that he gave her oral as well, but there was in fact no penetration but he did sleep over.
He swears up and down he can't remember the cheating from 14 years ago, that it's all hazy. He's been a chronic weed smoker and steroid user since I met him, if that has anything to do with it. I find it impossible to believe he doesn't remember actually cheating on me. It's convenient he only remembers the sex that happened while we were broken up.
Is this something I should be able to move on from? Given the fact we've been together for so long and he hasn't done anything shady(that I know of) in the last 10 years and we have children together and just bought a house. My heart is broken into a million pieces and I'm utterly destroyed but I don't want to break up my kids lives if there's any other way.
I'm upset that he was never going to tell me any of this, always denied any time I brought up feeling uneasy or suspicious. My intuition always told me there was something there. Hes always had an excessive porn habit and used to have a habit of checking out other women in front of me, sometimes to "get back" at me for thinking I did the same thing(I've never been that type, never cheated or looked at other men), or even telling me how many attractive women he worked with who would "line up" to be with him. Throughout our relationship he used to constantly accuse me of cheating on him, now I understand it was projection and I think I knew it even then but was too cowardly to face it.
Sorry this is so long. Do you think time has changed him? He cheated when he was 23 years old and then again later the ONS when he was 26. I don't ever want to go through this again, I don't know if I believe he won't cheat again and I don't 100% believe he doesn't remember the first time he cheated on me. And if he does remember but just doesn't want to admit it then that means he's dodging accountability.

I've commented a few times in a few posts about my family's experience going through the F-1 to H-1B to GC route to migrate to the US and I've received a lot of questions over the DM, many of which I thought were pretty basic. I thought it might be helpful to put this primer together so folks know the right questions to ask and approach their planning more strategically.
This post is going to be very candid. I've noticed that the questions I've received come from misconceptions about higher education, F-1 visa, and what comes after graduation. I want to give folks the right information, but also temper expectations and give a realistic portrait of what it means and takes to use the student pathway to legally and permanently reside in the US. It is not a stroll in the park, and I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea.

BACKGROUND

Two of my siblings plus myself are all here in the US via the student visa route. I received my green card in 2021 after being in the US for nearly 4 years. After receiving my Masters at a prestigious university, I was hired immediately by an organization willing to sponsor my H-1B, which they did so after two years of employment under STEM-OPT work authorization. My employer started putting together my I-140 (Immigrant Petition for Alien Worker, which is the start of the process for an employment-based green card) shortly after receiving approval of my H-1B. As the paperwork was being put together, my partner and I decided to get married and I switched from employment-based green card to marriage-based green card. The employment-based green card would have added around a 3 year wait if we went through with it, while my marriage-based green card was approved in less than a year.
Both my siblings are currently in the same pathway. One received their Bachelors last year, was hired before graduation and has recently received approval for her H-1B. Their employer has committed to sponsoring their employment-based green card next year. My other sibling received their MFA last year and is now in the process of getting their O-1, which is a different kind of work visa. Like me, they both came to the US with a student visa. We were all very strategic about the programs we chose and how we approached networking within our industries.
We also prepared for years. I knew I wanted to get my Masters and permanently reside in the US even before I finished college in Manila. My siblings also knew that early on. So as a family we planned for years, including preparing financially because we knew that we had a very slim chance of getting free rides for our planned degrees. Our early planning also helped with our professional decision-making, because we became very strategic about what kinds of jobs we took after graduation in Manila (except our youngest sibling, who did her Bachelors in the US, so her planning revolved around her academic career in high school). I would say from start (initial planning) to finish (with the last sibling also now on the way to permanent residency), it took about a decade.

GETTING STARTED

Is the student pathway the right pathway for you?
The first question you should ask yourself: can you afford the student pathway to permanent residency in the US? Higher education in the US is not cheap. Universities very rarely offer full scholarships to Masters programs, and those that do are incredibly competitive. So you cannot depend on scholarships to help you pay for your degree--doing so will likely end in disappointment.
(PhDs are usually free and includes a living stipend, but the application process for PhDs are on a whole other level. I will not cover it here but I can answer any questions related to applying for PhDs.)
Most Masters programs in the US are two-year programs, and the average cost of a Masters degree is around $60,000 per year (source). That's $120,000--almost Php7,000,000--in two years. That is a lot of money. That does not include your cost of living, which depending on the location can vary. I personally spent around $1000 on living expenses every month (housing was through the school, so the cost of that was included in my tuition statement)--and that is living frugally in a very high cost of living city. That's an additional $12,000 per year. Of course, you can lower than number by living with family if that option is available to you.
So on average, you would need around Php4,200,000 per year for your Masters degree. Again, a lot of money. It goes without saying that the student pathway is a very expensive pathway to permanent residency in the US. Can it also be a quicker pathway than, say, being sponsored by a sibling? It can be, but that depends on how long it will take for you to save up for tuition.
What if you can make those numbers work? What else should you know?
I need to put this upfront: the F-1 student visa is a non-immigrant visa. Meaning that it is a visa meant for people who will enter the US on a temporary basis. This is why the student visa has no direct pathway or benefit to permanent residency in the US. You need to change status inside the US to one with immigrant intent or double intent to be able to be on that pathway or receive that benefit. That's where visas like the H-1B visa comes in.
You also cannot work outside of your school on an F-1 visa. During the school year, you are allowed to work part-time on campus, and during the summer you are allowed to work full-time on campus. Work outside of the school is only allowed if it's part of your curriculum (i.e. your program has a class for "onsite internship") and you are allowed to be paid while that opportunity is going on. You can do this part-time, but most legitimate universities will have limited opportunities for this (i.e. under your program you're only allowed to take credit for onsite internships one or two semesters). However, your eligibility to work full-time after getting your degree will be affected if you do this full-time for one year. If you want to jump from F-1 to H-1B, this is not something you want to do.
Your ability to bring dependents to the US on a student visa is also limited. You can only bring your spouse and unmarried children under 21. Dependents of F-1 visa holders are not allowed to work in the US (although children under 21 can go to school full-time). This means your spouse cannot work while in the United States, and that includes working remotely for a company in the Philippines.

APPLYING TO PROGRAMS

The student visa still seems like my best option. What's next?
The next step starts with you. I've received a good number of DMs asking me "Is Master of ABC the right course for me?" or "Will a Master of DEF get me a green card?" These are not the right questions to ask because they're not going to get you any good answers. Yes, we know the ultimate goal for taking your Masters in the US to get permanent residency. But the true purpose of getting a Masters in the US is to make you highly marketable and competitive to US employers that will be willing to sponsor your work visa and petition you for your permanent residency.
So you need to view this degree as a way to level yourself up professionally. I absolutely do not suggest getting a Masters degree in something "you already know"--the objective is not to coast while spending Php4,200,000 a year--but to be so much better at what you're already doing. Here's an example.

Maria Clara graduated from Accounting at a good university in Manila and now has around 2 years of experience as a CPA at the finance and accounting department at a multinational corporation based in Makati. She wants to get her permanent residency to the US via the student pathway and has done a significant amount of research on possible Masters programs and career paths in accounting in the US. She started reading into forensic accounting and realized how interested she is in various aspects of this career path. After looking through universities and programs, she has put SUNY Albany's MS in Forensic Science at the top of her list for a variety of reasons. One, it meets the education requirements for certified public accountant licensure in the state of New York. Two, even without a scholarship of financial aid, the costs for international students is not exorbitant at $23,000/Php1,320,000 for the year-long program--with some frugal living and help from relatives in the US, she can save that amount in 3-4 years. Three, New York is the center of global commerce--all the biggest companies and their accounting firms are either headquartered or have large offices in New York City, so she has a wide swath of employment options. Now she just has to get her ducks in a row and make sure her Bachelors meets the requirements for application, as well as put together a shortlist of other programs she should apply and create a timeline for herself and the milestones that need to be hit to make this dream a reality.

Bottomline is, your starting point in this entire process is reflection and research. You need to reflect on your own professional experience and skills, as well as your interests. You need to figure out which pathway will give you that professional and technical boost and do your research on available programs at reputable universities, what the job market looks like for your target profession, which companies are known to hire in this space.
Of course, you should also take into consideration your limitations. For example, you can only go to school in San Diego because you can stay with relatives while you're studying. That means your research is location-limited to however far you think you can commute.
When this is properly done, it should lead you to a place where you have a shortlist of programs to apply to. Each program will have their own application and testing requirements, as well as their own deadlines, so make sure to keep track of that.
PRO TIP: while grades during college are an important part of your application, many graduate programs put a lot of weight on your personal statement and professional recommendation letters. This is why the first step on reflection is critical--it gives you a good direction from which to build your story, which you will need to convince admissions committees to accept you into their programs.

ACCEPTANCE

I got into one of my top programs and I have my finances in order! What happens now?
Now it's time to apply for your F-1 visa. Your university will provide you with the documentation you need from them (this is mainly the I-20 and your acceptance letter), but the bulk of the documentation you need to present to the visa officer will mostly come from you. Namely, because the F-1 is a non-immigrant visa, you need to show strong ties to the Philippines. This can take a variety of forms, and oftentimes your mileage may vary especially depending on the school you will be attending (i.e. there will be less scrutiny if you're going to Harvard as compared to a university that's not that known).
If you did not receive a scholarship with your acceptance, you also need to show that you are able to afford the first year of matriculation. So bank statements containing the total amount of tuition, as well as room and board, will be important (usually the I-20 that the university will issue you will include this amount).
At the interview, be polite and only answer the questions asked. Do not offer up information not asked by the visa officer. I suggest you have a ready answer if the visa officer asks you why this particular school and program, but you should have this answer already if you followed my advice about reflecting and researching before applying to programs :)
Visa is approved and on hand! What do I do while I wait to leave for the US?
Networking starts the moment you receive your passport with your F-1 visa. You absolutely cannot and should not waste a single minute of your active student visa, so this is the time you start telling people that you're going to be studying in the US. You need to work your current network and find peers and mentors who will be willing to connect you with colleagues they know who work in the US or have ties to the US in your professional field. Let's go back to Maria Clara as an example.

Finally, after years of hard work, Maria Clara has her desired acceptance into SUNY's MS in Forensic Accounting program, and her F-1 visa was approved by the embassy without any issues. After celebrating with her family, she lets her boss know about her visa approval, who has been one of her most ardent cheerleaders during this entire process. Her boss has also offered to introduce her to their counterparts in the US once she got her visa approved, which is really important to Maria Clara--she knows she needs to get ahead of networking professionally since her time in the US is limited. She has also reached out to other people she knows in the company that engage frequently with teams in the US. She's messaged her college professors as well, as she knows that a number of alumni from her college have migrated to the US. Her plan is to get connected with as many professionals in her field as possible, connect with them in person once she's in the US, and build a rapport with as many connections as possible so she can be guided accordingly and stand out when the time to apply for jobs comes.

Remember that unlike US citizens (USC) and legal permanent residents (LPR), your time in the US is limited and bound by the rules set by your visa. So you have to be creative and get ahead in some way. You need to be more prepared and more strategic than USCs and LPRs because you simply do not have the time to dilly dally. Yes, enjoy and savor in the moment of seeing the fruits of your labor, but the hard part begins now. You simply do not have time to waste.

DURING THE PROGRAM

I'm in the US now and working harder than ever! Is there anything more I can do to set myself apart from others?
Other than to make sure you have high grades and you're setting aside time to build professional relationships, it's time to think outside the box. Remember that you are limited by the rules of the F-1 visa, so experiences such as an off-campus summer internship is off limits to you. You will need to find ways to strengthen your resumé that doesn't include working off campus, and that could take many forms. One of the most effective recommendations I've received on this is to do an independent research during the summer--you could do it via a professor whose class you really liked, or if you've made inroads with some of the connections you've been building since getting your visa, have a professor oversee a research project you could do with those connections. (This is still academic work, and many programs will give credit for this, so it is not considered off-campus work under the eyes of USCIS.) You can use your research to really elevate your skills and experiences when applying for jobs.
It's also time to seriously start looking at potential employers. You can use the connections you've built to get a sense of what the professional landscape is for your field, learn about peoples' experiences at various companies and organizations, and get a feel for hiring processes. Remember, you don't have a lot of time to apply for jobs once you near the end of your program, so you have to be armed with the right information to guide your job hunting strategy. You will need to put yourself out there and be the best version of your professional self if you want employers to disregard that they will need to spend more money to hire you rather than a USC or LPR who doesn't need sponsorship.

LAST SEMESTER AND GRADUATION

I'm in my last semester of my program! Any tips?
The last semester is usually job hunting season, so make sure that resumé is polished and your network is activated. By now, if you've done the leg work, you will have a shortlist of potential employers and you will have made connections in most, if not all, of them. Time to check-in and ensure that they know you're interested in joining their company and you'd like their support and guidance in doing so. This is one of the harder parts of this journey, and you have to be relentless. Use all the resources at your disposal to ensure your resumé is seen by as many eyes as possible, and that includes speaking to your professors, especially your favorite ones, so they can also lend a hand.
More importantly: submit your work permit application (more commonly known as OPT) as early as possible to avoid delays and getting stuck in the USCIS backlog. You need this permit to be able to work after graduation for a limited time (one year for graduates of non-STEM programs, with an additional two years for graduates of STEM programs) without needing to immediately require H-1B sponsorship.
Getting employed by a company willing to sponsor you is not the end of the line. All for-profit companies are subject to the H-1B lottery, which means you will be competing with other internationals for the limited number of H-1B visas allotted every year. So even with an employer willing to sponsor, the H-1B visa is still not guaranteed. You can work around this by joining what is a called a cap-exempt organization instead, and USCIS classifies those as institutions of higher education, nonprofit entities related to or affiliated with an institution of higher education, nonprofit research organizations, and governmental research organizations. That means more research, and more targeted strategic networking, given that your employer pool now is limited.

EPILOGUE

The student visa is not an easy or cheap pathway to permanent residency in the US. It is getting harder and harder to beat out USCs and LPRs for great jobs in companies that have the experience and resources to sponsor H-1Bs and GCs. You need to do your research every step of the way and prepare to do some really grueling work in order to be the better investment for these companies. Plus, there is the luck element of the H-1B lottery. But it's not impossible. It can and does happen--my family is a great example of it (we're 3 for 3 in this pathway now). Your preparation and willingness to go the extra mile is critical, and you have to be ready to grind for a while. Rest often only comes when the green card is approved.
For those still considering the student visa pathway to migrate to the US after reading this very long post--good luck, and may the force be with you.

Oh talk to me, can't you see I've helped you work for you what are you oh your enemy no wannabe and no wanna cry and shout for the sake of the baby I believe in honesty man I don't have a rock and the truth I don't have to say now ugly what I believe in you
What took you so long? What took you at night that took you forever to see me right you know I'm so good I'll do you good
Oh, you touched my heart. From the beginning you didn't know what to say honey but I understand. You my hand when everything is fine because I believe the baby thing I never had far enough. So listen baby I have something to say
I just can't get you out of my head boy. Your lovers are all I think about, I just can't get you out of my head boy. More than I dare to think that every night in bed every day is only in the arms of the dweller.
I found out through Genius lyrics that the first three verses are from Emma Bunton's "What Took You So Long?" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybZB87CEbuY) and the final verse was from Kylie Minogue's "Can't Get You Out Of My Head." I don't know the significance of these two songs, but I think this Easter Egg is pretty interesting

In the beginning of May, it was my boyfriend’s birthday. At first, he said he didn’t want me to do anything because I also ruined his birthday last year (that was not my fault as he got upset over losing his AirPods that day but I do remember him liking my gifts). I was confused with his statement and said that we can do whatever he wanted. After some begging, he agreed that I can plan something. I decided that we can try to go to a hibachi restaurant again since we were supposed to go to on his birthday last year and never got the chance. He agreed with the plan and even told me what gift he wanted me to get. I ordered his gift and made a reservation for the hibachi restaurant. My boyfriend told me the only requirement was that the hibachi restaurant wasn’t too far from where he lived and I picked the closest place. I even send him the location a month before his birthday. He didn’t say anything about the place so I stuck with it.
On the day of his birthday, he had a hard time getting to the hibachi place since he had to take two trains and walk (we live in NYC). Overall, it was supposed to take him about 25 minutes from where he lived to get to the hibachi place but trains got delayed and he ended up being 10 minutes late to the reservation. I didn’t mind that he was late since the restaurant was pretty empty and the workers said it was no problem. However, my boyfriend got upset with me and said I ruined his birthday because I didn’t pick a good location. He didn’t like that I picked a place that required him to take two trains instead of one and claimed I didn’t put enough effort into his birthday. So, he didn’t want to stay at the hibachi restaurant and we just ordered sushi and went home. We had a huge fight about it where I tried to explain I picked this place since it was the closest to him but he would claim that I just didn’t care and wanted to ruin his birthday. I asked him how can I make it up to him and he said it is too late and I can’t do anything.
I apologized to him about the situation and desperately want to fix it. What can I do to make it up to him? I was thinking of reserving another hibachi restaurant but this time where he has to take one train instead but I am not sure. In general, I have a hard time getting him gifts.

Hello folks, I have been using ergonomic chair and other smart furniture stuff for a while and just wanna share a bit of my experiences (and issues, too) when using these "ergo" thing so that anyone who's looking for a purchase can have a better reference. I also made a similar post for standing desk that you can check out here: https://www.reddit.com/StandingDesk/comments/1cu0tww/sharing_my_standing_desk_experiences_tips_fo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
So what should you consider when looking for a good ergonomic chair? While it's highly subjective and depending on each person's preferences and styles, I have summarized some bullet points that I believe lots of people will relate to:

1. Seat padding & backrest quality should be top priority: because these 2 parts will affect 90% of your experience and feeling when you sit on the chair. For me there's 2 popular types of seat padding in the market right now: Cushion (or Foam) and Mesh. It's a short statement, high-quality mesh is more comfortable than a cushion since it's breathable (wich support better air flow and don't make you feel overheated when sitting during long hours). But it doesn't mean that cushion seat sucks. If a chair makers use a high-density foam and incorprate lots of memory foam (a material made from PU, and also used in mattress to enhance comfort) layers, then the outcome quality of the cushion can be comparable (to some extent) with a mesh seat as well. However, with a normal person it's not easy to check this info, and as far as I know, most of brands don't public these details (density specs and foam layer technology). So if I have to make a suggestion, going for a mesh seat would be an easier option. And if you still prefer the cushion seat, consider choosing reputational brand like Herman Miller or Harworth. About backrest, I highly recommend you go for the mesh materials. Leather backrest is not meant for ergonomic, it's meant for gaming and some specific office/home decoration style. Fabric backrest is not worthy to invest, even though it's fairly cheap. And design? for me a single-panel backrest design is enough, but there're some products that offer multi-panel backrest (like the Sihoo DORO S300) for even more customized positions - which is also good because it can perfectly adapt to your exact position and create a good form for your back. But be notice that it will cost you extra $100-$300, so if you have generous budget, go for it. if not, there is no problem at all with a single backrest design
2. Lumbar support, armrests, and headrest are 3 core adjustability features that you need, anything else is optional. A luxury chair can offer up to 10 different adjustability points. More adjustability features mean more expensive the price is, so I recommend that you just focus on certain things that really matter to you, and for me there are 3 of them: lumbar support, headrest, and armrest. Lumbar support matters the most because it directly affect your spine and back posture. A good lumbar support is the one that's highly adjustable in different angles/position, and you can check this out on the spec info on the brand's website. Do not go for fixed lumbar support because you will never know if the size of the chair fits with your body or not. I would be really mad if I buy a chair just to find out that its lumbar can not adjust to fit my sitting position. With headrest & armrest it's more easy to decide. Headrest should at least be able to go up/down and tilt to adapt to your head's proper position. 3D to 5D armrests should be fine for me, and going from 3D to 5D totally depend on what you need. with 3D armrest, you can move it up/down, forward/backward, inward/outward; 4D armrests can rotate left/right, 5D ones can rotate vertically. You won't need to pay more for 6D armrest, unless you are a real hardcore gamer or have a specific task that require it (with normal use case, I don't think that most people will need 6D armrest on your chairs). Additionally, there's couple of things you need to notice about armrests & headrest design: armrest should be lockable because sometime you will find it really annoying when you try to focus on something and would need the armrest to just stay in same position. With headrest it's a bit similar, some low-quality made headrests can easily slide up and down when you sit even if you don't want to, which is very irritating. There're not best practice on how to avoid this, so I recommend you checking different actual user reviews of the chair you intent to buy.
3. Price: A basic ergonomic chair usually ranges from $199 - $299. With this price you will have basic material (foam, tpe plastic...), basic adjustability, and you can't expect all features that I recommend above (I take price reference for US market only, and my opinion could be wrong in some markets). With a bit higher budget, like $399 - $499, there are quite lots of choices that check 90% of my recommendations. I can name some including Flexispot C7 (mesh seat, 2-panel mesh backset and even a footrest), Autonomous ErgoChair Pro (mesh backrest, high-quality cushion, but their lumbar only offer up/down adjustments, you can not tilt it or push it forward or backward), Branch Verve Chair (this one have a fabric back, not the mesh one, but one of my friend who use it said she has no problem with that, it's still comfy for her). That is just my personal opinion and you should always look for more actual reviews of them before you make any purchase. Regarding the high-end segments, it's no longer about the specs but about the look and feel of the products, as well as how trusted the brand is. You can spend around $1200 on a HM Aeron Chair and can just forget about this post, simply because at HM they put lots of efforts in R&D, and the outchair is already made from finest materials, huge adjustability features and more importantly, its design is unique (the impressive thing about HM is that you can actually go to their website and find out who created which products, like the HM Aeron Chair is created by a designer named Bill Stumpf). Other familiar brand names in this segments that you can take a look is Harthwork (not actually a different brand but like a collection under HermanMiller name), SteelCase...

TL;DR: Seat Pad & Backrest should be considered first, and go for highest possible quality for these parts. About adjustability, focus on 3 most important feature: lumbar support, 3D-5D armrests, adjustable headrest; Pricing: choose what suits your budget - a chair under $399 do not offer lots of premium features; a chair from 399 offer most of standard features and quality; if going above $1000 then care about brand's reputation

Your living room is the heart of your home. To make it inviting, start with a comfortable sofa. Choose soft fabrics and neutral colors for a versatile look. Add vibrant cushions for a pop of color.

Enhance with Statement Pieces

Statement pieces can elevate your living room decor. Consider a bold coffee table or an eye-catching rug. These elements add character and draw attention.

Optimize Lighting

Lighting sets the mood. Use a mix of floor lamps and table lamps to create layers of light. Dimmer switches can provide flexibility, allowing you to adjust the ambiance.

Add Personal Touches

Personalize your space with artwork and photos. Shelves are great for displaying books, souvenirs, and plants. These items make your living room uniquely yours.

Bedroom Decor for a Serene Retreat

Your bedroom should be a sanctuary. Start with a quality mattress for a good night's sleep. Soft, breathable bedding is essential for comfort.

Choose a Soothing Color Palette

Calm colors like blues and greens promote relaxation. Use these shades on walls, bedding, and decor. A consistent color scheme creates a cohesive look.

Functional Furniture

Furniture should be both stylish and practical. Opt for bedside tables with storage and a comfortable reading chair. These pieces enhance functionality without sacrificing style.

Create a Relaxing Atmosphere

Soft lighting is key in the bedroom. Bedside lamps and fairy lights can create a calming environment. Blackout curtains help block light for better sleep.

Incorporate Natural Elements

Nature-inspired decor can add tranquility. Use wooden furniture, woven baskets, and indoor plants. These elements bring a sense of calm and freshness to your space.

Finishing Touches

Complete your bedroom decor with personal items. Favorite books, candles, and framed photos add a personal touch. These items make your bedroom feel like a true retreat.

Final Thoughts

Transforming your living room and bedroom doesn't have to be daunting. With these tips, you can create spaces that are both stylish and comfortable. Enjoy your beautifully decorated home!

I'm in a lovely relationship with my girlfriend for the last 4 years. There's this friend of ours (actually our past classmate - Friend X). I used to like her (X) in school before my girlfriend. But now I love my girlfriend with all my heart. But still I feel uneasy telling my girlfriend about when I and X meet without her.
Actually it started before 2 years, when I and X met along with other friends but my girlfriend couldn't come. I got a bit close to X while clicking photos at that time and it was all my fault and still regret it to today. I apologised for my mistake and promised her that I'll never do anything like this from now on. She forgave me and then we've been through ups and downs in long distance for these 2 years but we're still nice and a loving couple.
But as I told, now I feel uneasy about telling her if we meet without her. But the thing is when we all meet, X and my girlfriend keep talking to each other. X is also a good friend of mine so I wanted to meet her too and talk to her as I have moved to another city for studies. But I hesitated to meet alone thinking my girlfriend might not like it although she says she trusts me and everything is fine now. But still, I still haven't come over that hesitation now.
And due to that, today when I finally decided to meet X when she was going to college, I thought of going with her too but couldn't tell my girlfriend about it since she slept early yesterday. The thing is while returning my girlfriend was also coming back from college, so, I asked her where she is so that we could also meet. She asked me why I'm here at the metro, and at that moment, due to hesitation, I actually lied to her that I went to somewhere else due to some work. I and X met in auto riksha only and then we both went opposite ways at the metro (because otherwise I would've picked my girlfriend from her station). But actually I was coming after dropping X even after my girlfriend's station. But since I had already lied to her I waited at other station.

And now at night again when she asked me why I went there for that work, my brother could've gone instead of me, I lied again due to that lie and extended it. But after she said fine in anger, I felt so wrong and just told her that I lied but with very wrong words saying like you also know i also know, I lied. After that she stopped responding and blocked my calls. Even I don't know what to say to her. I really love her only with all my life and would never break her trust. But still I just don't know why out of hesitation at that moment, I lied. It's all my fault and I accept it. It's the second time she felt hurt because of me and X. I know it's my fault but what should I do now?

TL;DR; : I went meeting my female friend who I used to like before my girlfriend 4 years back and lied about it to her due to hesitation (although I didn't want to) that I only met her in the way and went somewhere else then. At night, when she asked about it again, I lied again but when she said fine, I felt bad and said that I also know it, you also know it, I lied. Very wrong words for confession. Now she won't talk to me. What should I do? (Read the whole post please bcuz it's quite misleading)

Honestly I’m still so ashamed and embarrassed but this story is also mostly funny. So I work on a boat as a scuba instructodive guide, and we were on our way to the first dive site and I was just standing around on my phone. My stomach was feeling pretty upset but I had just taken a bunch of medicine because I’ve been sick so I figured it was just the medicine.
I almost trusted a fart but then realized it would be a mistake. But then for some unknown reason I thought maybe it was a fart and I really really had to fart, and all the sudden I feel something in my pants and know I’ve just shit myself.
But it gets worse, I feel it run down my legs and see it on the floor. I make the split second decision to walk away calmly and pretend nothing happened because no one seemed to notice. So I casually walk over and face my ass to the dash so no one can see the diarrhea streaking down my leg. And moments later one of my coworkers was like “What was that???? Did someone poop their pants” And I’m just like “I have no idea”
And he started giving me a weird look and I really thought I was caught and considered just breaking and telling him and hoping somehow he’d understand. But I was determined to keep going so I just kept pretending I had no idea. And asked him if I should clean it up with an engine diaper (disposable cloth, not important)
And he’s like “I mean I would”
And then I go “wait I’ll go look and see if we have any toilet paper in the head” So I back myself down to the head, making sure to keep my butt facing the dash.
As soon as I’m down there I quickly wiped the shit off my legs with the diaper, throw it away and frantically checked to make sure you couldn’t see it on my shorts from the back. I was wearing white shorts.
And by some grace of God my crime was only visible from the bottom, again I was wearing white shorts. I can only believe that providence saved me.
Anyways I went back up with the toilet paper but another coworker had already rinsed it.
And then she came up to me and was like “Do you know what that was??? I mean I know what it looked like but…”
And again I was just like “I have no idea”
This was like 8:30/9 in the morning, beginning of the day, I’ve still got two dives ahead of me before we get back to the dock.
Thank goodness I was guiding that day that way I could rinse it all off 😭. Anyways I did the dives, texted my roommate and asked if she could bring me a change of pants, I told her “I perioded myself”. And then I asked off for the afternoon and was able to get cut.
Also my boyfriend was on the boat and was trying to get me to take his shift in the afternoon and I told him “Nope, I can’t be here anymore” And he begged me to tell him why but I couldn’t tell him then in case he gave me away by his reaction. So I texted him about it later.
All I could think about was number one how embarrassed I was, but number two (no pun intended) how in the hell did I get away with it????
I don’t know if no one truly noticed or if someone did and just didn’t have the heart to say anything. But either way glad the whole boat didn’t see it or I would’ve had to quit and leave the country.
So to anyone on here who’s feeling really embarrassed or ashamed about something, I hope my story makes you feel a little better about whatever you’re embarrassed about 😂.
EDIT: For reference this only happened yesterday and I don’t know how to look my coworkers in the face 😭. I’m so embarrassed I cried just thinking about it today, I genuinely cannot believe that happened I keep thinking it was a bad dream. And also I spilled it to my high roommate and coworker just to get it off my chest 😂.
TLDR: I shit my pants at work and it got on the floor, and I’m hoping no one saw.

In March, my fiancés ex randomly called us and told us that she would be moving with their child, as well as her boyfriend and soon to be born child, to South Carolina and that his visitation would change to every other month for 1.5 weeks. Obviously, we were very shocked, angry and just confused. (Side note: she posted about her boyfriend cheating again and having to figure things out as a single mom in January so that’s why we were so confused). I’ve been with my fiancé since his daughter was 7 months old and throughout that time the custody schedule has shifted to what’s best for her age, but we have always seen her consistently throughout the week every week. My fiancé has also consistently paid an agreed upon amount of $400 monthly. I know that may seem small but neither us nor her are making more than 3k a month. With that said, none of this has been through the courts so there was technically nothing stopping her from moving. I should note he has established paternity by signing a VDOP at SD birth since him and BM were never married. The actual time share has gone between 20-35ish % throughout the last 3 years (SD is 3 currently), and currently she has reduced him back down to 20% (since we served her court papers she won’t let us have any more time). The reason being was because she became a stay at home mom so she felt the time where SD was only with me was no longer necessary (which I get). This shift for her happened around the time my fiance started a new job and was working a lot so we didn’t fight it cause any extra time we would get, SD would just be with me since my fiance was working so much. Eventually, he was able to put himself into a position to be able to have his daughter more cause he no longer had to work the same hours he was when he first started. We were planning on approaching her to change the schedule to increase our time with SD since work schedule was better and we felt she was old enough that spending longer periods at each house was best for her, however that’s when BM told us her plan to move. After she told us her plan to move, we tried to have a few conversations to try to get things figured out without court, but everything just came down to money when it came to BM. She claims that they’re moving because they can’t afford to raise 2 kids in CA ( living off of only her boyfriend’s income cause she plans to be a SAHM). Our response was we want more time with her any way and if it’s too expensive for you to have 2, then us having her more time will help alleviate that. Her response was if you want more time then you need to pay me more. We also feel frustrated cause it feels like how she treats him as a father is completely dependent on her relationship status. When this boyfriend cheated on her last year she was in full support and thought it was best for SD to have pretty much equal time between homes and get to grow up with both of her parents and for them to coparent, however when her and boyfriend are good and she gets pregnant it changes to he’s a terrible father and doesn’t do anything so she has more authority. It’s been kinda rough that SD was so young when they split cause it felt inevitable that she would need to be with mom more since she was breastfeeding, sleep training etc. After these recent conversations, we felt like there was no other option than to take it to court not only in order to try and prevent her from moving, but regardless to get more time since she will not respond to making a new schedule with more equal time share. We’ve all always avoided it because we know it’s ugly and just felt like we could all figure it out, but at this point that feels impossible.
I guess my question is, what are the odds of us getting more custody and what are the odds of her being able to move away? At the end of the day our focus isn’t on child support, however with her not working and solely relying on her bfs income, how would that affect it? I know that it really looks bad that on paper he has her 20%, however he is a very present and loving father and it really hurts my heart to think that my SD could end up having to grow up with her parents living across the country from one another, and inevitably having daddy issues. Seeing her relationship with her dad, I know the hurt and confusion it would cause her to go from seeing him every couple days to every 2 months.
Please no judgement. I’m posting this cause I could use some positive words and some insight. Thank you!

Hey everyone, firstly I wanna say thank you for the support I'm getting talking about all this. I've mentioned it already but it really does help me feel less crazy just being able to dump this all on someone and not feel like I'm going to have to go to a mental hospital or something. I also meant to post this update earlier today, but my internet was acting strange and would let me do anything with it all day. Finally was able to post using the internet at work and I hope a few things that happened in this story will explain some stuff, or maybe just raise more questions. Who knows at this point.
One thing that's helped besides trauma dumping here is a friend I have here asked me to a lake nearby to hang out for Memorial Day. Of course with everything going on here, I was more than happy to accept. If not just to get away for a while. We had a great day, beers, swimming, finally seeing some people I knew were real again. The whole past weekend or so has been a lot and some sense of normalcy really helped my nerves. It still all weighed on the back of my mind though. The man with the box, the key, the screams and knocking. Especially Macy. Maybe some part of me just wanted to brush off our last weird text interaction and see her again. Maybe some part, I'd say the bigger part, just wanted to figure out if she's related to this somehow.
When I got back last night, it was the same as always. Not a single person around. Again I wanna be clear, there's a ton of cars in the parking lot, like to the point I have trouble finding a spot close to my building door. And obviously I've seen the man with the box and Macy, so I know there's definitely people that live here. But nobody around, except them of course. I guess this time it could've just been the fact I got home late. Still... it gives me chills the deeper I think about it.
I made my way up the stairs to my apartment, the echoing of my footsteps through the stairwell emphasizing to me just how alone I was. Back inside, I unconsciously threw my own keys on my counter right next to the key from before and it really all came flooding back. But I'm trying to stay level headed. Regardless, to try to keep it from sending me over the edge, I slid it away from mine and haphazardly threw a notebook nearby on top of it to block it from view. I went out to my balcony and lit a cigarette. What I had initially thought was going to be the end to the night.
Leaning on the railing, I let the nicotine calm me back down. Across the street I noticed house lights here and there shutting off, other folks calling it a night too as the holiday came to an end. As I finished and put it out in the, admittedly overly full ashtray, I noticed the mark on the small rug I placed out there from the coffee Macy spilled. I got it right after the box incident to cover the scratches from that in the concrete. The stain was right where the scratches would've been and I had a strange thought. I whipped out my phone and fumbled to turn the flashlight on. Once it was, I lifted the rug and shined the concrete underneath. The scratches were completely gone as if they, or even the box, had never been there.
As I stared in confusion, I got a text message. My heart skipped a beat and I dropped both the rug and my phone, luckily not losing it off the balcony. I snapped myself back to reality and picked it back up to check. It was Macy. After about a full minute of contemplation, I opened it.
"Hey I saw you get home," she had written. How? How on earth did she see me get home? I'm hyper vigilant for anyone, anyone at all I can see whenever coming or going given the circumstances, and I definitely didn't see her anywhere. The more rational part of my brain reminded me she came to my apartment, I hadn't any idea which one she lived in so maybe her window faced the parking lot and she had seen me that way. Even that though, what are the chances she would see me get back right when I did and text so soon after unless she had been watching for me already? I didn't know if that was flattering or another thing I should be worried about. On top of that, her last other text I could still see right above this one made me more sure that something was going on.
I immediately went into investigation mode. "Oh hey, yea lol I've been out with a friend all day," I replied. My whole goal now was to try to seem casual and see if I could pull something out of her to figure out just what the hell is happening here. I wasn't going to ask her about the last text, I certainly wasn't going to bring up the screaming or knocking. I had to navigate this carefully.
"Oh fun! How was it?" This is getting even stranger, she seemed more casual than I was actively trying to be. Granted I barely knew this girl, this didn't sound like the one I met. But I'm not stopping here.
"It was fun yea, I'm a bit exhausted haha," I tried not to leave it open for her to actually have a reason to come over. I was actually tired, but now I wanted answers and wasn't looking to have anymore weird incidences right now. Despite not wanting any though, I'm sure you can tell I wouldn't be writing this if they didn't happen.
"Good!" another out of character response.
As chill as possible, I replied, "So how was your day? Anything interesting?" Doing my best to pry at some sort of evidence or answers or something. I regret sending it now, what she said next just made me more worried. I should've just ignored my phone and went to bed.
"Yea I met a really nice guy in the building, he's cool we should all hang out sometime" I know exactly who she's talking about, I'm sure you know exactly who she's talking about. Now I couldn't stop myself.
"Did he give you anything?" Dammit. I hit send before thinking. That was definitely too much and too abrupt. At best I sound like a weirdo or like I was about to get jealous. At worse I was gonna get the answer I didn't want. The answer I expected as badly as I didn't want to.
"Lol yea actually how'd you know? He left a box with a really nice note sometime after he left. It's supposed to be a gift, but I don't really get it." I should've ended the conversation right there and just come up with a reason in the morning why. But I felt like the puzzle pieces were close to fitting together. Unfortunately, I was right.
I felt I was getting obsessed. "Really? So you opened it?"
"Yea there was like an old jewelry box inside, I think he forgot the key though, it's locked" I knew what would open it. I slowly looked to the spot on the counter where the key was. Still covered by the notebook. I went over to it and placed my hand on the notebook. When I did though I was jump scared again by the slam of a door. Rather, not a door slamming shut but the way it sounds when someone opens it hard and it bangs into the wall. Clearly coming from the hallway. Then another, then another. I heard this over and over again getting further and further away until finally it stopped. I wish I never walked out to investigate but like I said, I was obsessed now and just had to know. I cautiously, quietly as possible, opened my door and peered out.
Every single door down to the opposite end of the hall was wide open. I'd like to say I was relieved, finally seeing some sign of the other apartments being occupied. But because every one, at least that I could see, was pitch black inside, it still wasn't evidence per se. Until I started seeing hands.
Out of the next door apartment, almost coyly, someone's hand slowly stuck out and started waving. I started walking towards it. Looking back now it was like I was in a trance. I just had to see. I had to see what was in the apartment. As soon as I got close enough to actually try to see inside proper, the hand yanked back inside and the door slammed back shut, immediately followed by a quick series of angry knocks from the other side of the door. Then I noticed another hand coming out of the next apartment. Waving.
Picking up my pace now, I walked towards this apartment door. But the same thing happened before I got close enough. The door slammed shut and a quick set of the same aggressive knocks followed. This process repeated over and over the same way all the way down the hall as I kept walking faster until I was jogging. I had to see inside one of these apartments. But every time. Hand. Wave. Slam. Knocks.
That happened until I reached the end of the hall, where noticeably, no hand came out of the last apartment. I stopped in my tracks. Anxiously I started towards this last door. It was pitch black like the rest, but in the doorway, someone was standing there. It was Macy.
She was facing into the apartment away from me and she seemed off. Not the way she was acting, I mean obviously pulling a Blair Witch in the doorway was off, don't get me wrong. I mean there was something off about the way she looked. She looked taller...her hands looked bigger...her shoulders looked broader. "M-Macy?" I tried to get her attention. She slowly turned around and I noticed her looked different too. Bigger like the rest of the things that seemed off about her now, but I recognized those eyes. I couldn't forget those eyes if I wanted to. Ever since I saw them in the parking lot. Ever since I saw them from balcony. And there they were again, just staring again.
Macy began a slow smile. Wider and wider until she looked even stranger than she already did. I started backing away. She stepped out and turned. Now standing still in the hallway with the same expression and strange features. She didn't follow me but I didn't dare take my eyes away off her until I got to the other end of the hall and to my apartment. Still looking at her standing like a statue, I patted around my door until I found the handle. Slipping inside as quick as possible, I locked the door. The screaming started again.
I could tell where it was coming from exactly now though. It was coming from down the hall where I left Macy. And it was getting closer. Slowly but surely making its way to my end of the hall. I grabbed my gun, terrified at what might come next. Louder and louder, I heard this blood curdling scream until it was right outside my door. I raised my gun, but just as suddenly as it started, it completely stopped. Next thing I heard was my phone vibrate. Still watching for what might happen at the door, I checked my phone. It was Macy...
"Wanna open it?"
I didn't even think about texting her back. I stayed up for a long long time the rest of the night, but that text seemed to top off the night's events as nothing else happened. The day at the lake and then everything I had just been through had me wiped out and eventually I couldn't stay awake. I the time I was awake I was too freaked to write any update, so that's what I'm doing now while the memory is still fresh. I ended up taking a double and letting my evening shift run into a night shift. Hopefully, I'll get some ideas on what to do next after I spend a night or two away from that place.

So I've only been separated for 4 months and it has been made clear she wants a divorce. At first she was no contact remaining under the same roof in another room. She brought me papers and when she did talk it was just nasty with threats galore. Fast forward to now, she has texted me multiple times and even called about kids stuff. She has sent me reels. We discussed transportation. She has said nice and mean things through text once she opened up. Yesterday she messaged asking if my therapist will see both of us for a "couples" session (not in her words). That was out of nowhere and I have been a nervous wreck. Like why does she want to come in? Does she want to tell my therapist whatever I'm saying isn't true? That these are my real issues? That I need to work on this set of things the most? Everytime I get a text or call and her name appears my insides tense up almost like flinching and starts to shake and becomes kind of difficult to breathe. This intense fear where I almost freeze overcomes me for a few moments.
How do you all go about knowing what to do after separation/divorce? Like part of me wants a companion for life and the other part of me is heartbroken and wants nothing to do with that. Like she has my heart and I don't think I could give it to anyone else. The effort to try again doesn't seem worth it at the moment. It's hard telling your heart to stop loving someone and also your mind to stop trying to do stuff you know will only hurt worse before healing. How do you know what healing feels like? How do you know if that hookup idea just to see what it's like again is going to do more harm than good?
Right now my focus is on getting better, moving on, and being the best parent I can to my 4 kids. They're the most important thing now and not screwing them up. I would be extremely selective if I ever decided to date again. I don't think I can. I wish I was a POS so that I could do these unhealthy coping mechanisms I hear others do, but I can't. Therapy helps, books help, and I'm moving forward with my wants and needs. I just don't understand any of this honestly. 18 years married and 20 together. I don't wish this on my worst enemy. Any advice? Tips? Podcasts? Books? Etc. you may have found helpful in the next steps or what to do and not to do? I've been getting out in nature, listening to music, processing feelings/emotions, biking, and occasionally writing. I like to quiet my mind when possible and just calm my nervous system when possible. I know I'm not perfect and I contributed to whatever happened.
Thanks.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Total_Cap_8129. She posted in AmItheAsshole
I added paragraph breaks for readability.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Latest update is 7 days old per the rules of this sub.

Mood Spoiler: sad but with good boundaries
Original Post: May 21, 2024
This is my first reddit post, throwaway. Also Englisch is not my first language.
My (53F) mother passed away 10 years ago and I inherited a few select items of jewellery from her. Those are things she cherished and wore often. I have been wearing her watch for the past 10 years, my sister (50F) holds a golden bracelet that she loves and there are three items left that me and my sister have been planning to give to my three daughters (20/18/18) to commemorate 10 years since her passing. They always knew this and were close to their gradma. There is also no quarrel about who gets what.
Enter my brother (48m) and his fiancée (38f) of two years. My brother is demanding one of the pieces for his future wife to wear. He claims we never involved him in any discussion as to what should happen to the pieces and we can’t just claim those to ourselves just because we are women. He says it’s very common for heirloom jewellery to be given to the daughter-in-law and he and his fiancée even cited Meghan Marke and Kate Middleton as examples.
Legally there is no case to be made, my mother left those items to me. I have politly declined their request explaining that I can’t let one of my daughters go without and that they were very close to their grandma while his fiancée did not know her. His fiancée is apparently distraught and claims we don’t see her as family. My father wants me to keep the items and give one to my brother so that all of my mom’s kids eventually get one item and I can do as I see fit with the rest. My sister kindly has offered up her bracelet.
I am torn. I don’t t want to antoganoize my brother and my sister-in law but I find my three daughters’ claim so much more valid. They have been looking forward to this for years. And I don’t want my sister to sacrifice her bracelet. If there were more pieces I would not hesitate to give something to her. It’s not a matter of money. I have offered other things out of my mom’s estate, they feel it’s not the same.
I am also taking into account that my brother was married to his first wife 10 years ago and despite having been close to my mother she got no jewellery either but was left two of my mothers’s watercolor drawings. I feel like my mother left those pieces to me with the intention of eventually passing them on to her granddaughters. Would she have subscribed to the „each child or each daughter plus daughter-in-law has to get a piece of jewellery“ logic she would have left something to my brother or his then-wife in the first place.
My daughters told me the would accept any decision I make but I feel it would be highly unfair to burden them with any involvement in the decision making. The choice is mine to make and I have to live with the consequences. According to my father they are debating to uninvite me from the wedding over this. I stand by my decision but It’s hard.. I was always on good terms with my brother and cordial with his fiancée.. so AITA?
Relevant Comments (OOP had over 100, so this is very narrowed down):
Commenter: OP, she doesn't want to feel closer to her new family, she wants to know that she can push your brother to get her what she wants, even at the expense of his relationship with all of you. It's a game she is playing now, before they get married, so she knows exactly how far she can push you all and what she can get her greedy hands on with a temper tantrum and some threats to exclude you all.
Tell your brother the legacy he received is two watercolor paintings his ex wife has, and he's welcome to chase her down for that if he feels so strongly about it. But your jewelry was a gift your grandmother gave to you, and it is staying with you until you give it to your daughters.
Friend, if you cave to your brother and SIL on this, you'll be handing shit over as long as their marriage lasts. NTA.

OOP: Wow.. thanks for the clarity and direct words. I am starting to feel I was in denial about how bad this really is.
It’s worth mentioning that my brother obviously received his own inheritance as well.
(to another commenter): Also he got a sizable inheritance back then and his wife got two original artworks.. those jewelry pieces are worth approximately $1000 each while my mother’s original artworks are valued $1000-$3000 (she was an illustrator) so the issue is really not me sitting on a $50,000 diamond ring while they received two worthless sketches.

Commenter: Your dad presumably still had items from his wife? He can give one of his treasures to her. You and your sister and your three daughters got one item each. Not up for renegotiation.

OOP: We already offered but she claims it must be jewelry so she can wear it on her wedding day.

Commenter: Since the brother and fiancee seem to want to make the decision, ask them which granddaughter they feel deserves to be deprived of her grandmother's memento, AND how they intend to compensate said daughter for her exclusion from grandmotherly keepsakes. Tell them you cannot in good conscience hand anything over to the fiancee unless they can give a reasonable answer to these questions.

OOP: My husband actually asked them that and their answer was they believe that the twins should share.. which is obviously not going to happen as long as I am here to prevent it.

Commenter: How does the SIL even know about the jewelry?

OOP: I planned to give it to my girls at a family dinner commemorating our mother’s birthday next month and gave everyone a heads up. That’s how she got to know.

Commenter: You have 3 daughters. Your mother left you 3 items. It's pretty self-explanatory. Your mother didn't have to spell it it out for you. She just left them with you for safekeeping. If that wasn't her intention, she would have given them to your dad. Plus your daughters had a personal relationship with your mom (THEIR grandmother).
You got the watch. Your sis got the bracelet. Your daughters get the other 3.

OOP: Thanks.. I feel exactly the same way. I can’t for the life of me see where my brother claims we should have involved him in any discussion concerning who gets what because in my view it’s absolutely clear who gets what. And since she left those things to me, it’s up to me to make the decision. She could’ve left them to anybody else, but she didn’t. What else am I going to do with three pieces when I have three daughters?

Commenter: Tell your brother to stick it. These are for your daughters / her bloodline. This is so entitled and ridiculous.

OOP: I actually don’t care so much about the bloodline thing. If my father were to die tomorrow and each of this children would get some beloved sentimental items I would be really pissed if my husband who is very close to him would not get anything. Plus, I really understand why she wants to have something to feel more connected to her new family, especially since she is estranged to her parents and won’t get anything from them to wear on her wedding day. The problem lies solely in the fact that I don’t have anything to give her without hurting other people. I will not prioritise her feelings above my daughters.

Commenter: Bet you the reason she is estranged from her parents is an eye opener if you ever find it out. Whatever she told you it was is BS.

OOP: I don’t know the reason, but I will admit the thought has crossed my mind. The fact that she is willing to blatantly ignore her nieces’ feelings and that wearing a piece of heirloom jewellery on her wedding day is more important to her than the girls’ connection to their beloved grandmother is a bit concerning to me.

Commenter: If she's trying to feel closer to your family, is there any jewelry that is yours or your sister's that could be given or loaned to her for her wedding day that isn't inherited from your mother?
Your sister and your daughters who actually knew and loved your mother should, of course, take precedence over someone who has only heard about her! NTA and your brother is being absurdly pushy.

OOP: We have now decided to pitch in together to buy something new for her to wear on her wedding day and have as a gift from the family. I hope she will accept this. I could also give her something from me as a loan but I feel buying something specifically for her would probably be better. It’s not that I feel she shouldn’t have anything and I would honestly offer to give her a piece if I had any spare pieces to give.

Commenter: NTA. Your brother is marrying a psycho. She’s never met your mother but is distraught that she can’t wear her dead MIL’s jewelry. You are correct, your mom left the jewelry to you and, as you stated, your mom didn’t even leave your brother’s wife (his ex) jewelry when she passed. Your brother and his fiancée are acting crazy entitled and you need to tell them no and that if they bring it up again you’ll have to excuse yourself from their presence. They are trying to bully you out of your daughters’ heirloom jewelry, their birthrites.

OOP: I can actually see why she would like to have something, we were all very close with mom and keep her memory alive and it’s tricky to enter into such a dynamic years later. I would give her something especially to wear on her wedding day (she is estranged from her parents) if I had anything to give but I can’t take away from my daughters to help her feel better.

Commenter: NTA - the items were left to you. No matter what happens in the future, your daughter's will be your daughter's. The same can't be said for your brothers fiance. That relationship could end, and then the jewelry wouldn't be part of the family anymore. If they were married when your mother passed, maybe I'd consider it, but they haven't tied the knot, so don't give her anything.

OOP: This has been brought up a lot but I feel I can’t in good conscience bring up the fact that their marriage might fail as an argument.

Commenter: NTA if your mom specifically left them to you. Y W B T A if you and your sister decided between yourselves to take all of the nice jewelry without giving any to brother. What about if/when he has daughters?

OOP: He was childless back than with no intention of starting a family and his first wife got an inheritance of her own and so did he. He was completely fine with us deciding what to do with the jewelry as neither him nor his ex wife were interested. The issue only came up with his fiancée recently. Had he voiced his objections ten years ago I would not have spent the last ten years preparing my daughters and the situation would be different. Also legally all items belong to me and I am under no obligation to share or discuss with anyone. I discussed with my sister because it seemed fitting.. again.. he was not interested.

Ask the first wife for paintings?
Asking first wife for her paintings might be an even harder no than the jewelry question honestly.. she received those paintings because she loved our mother and her art and she was a family member in her own right after replacing my mother as my disabled father’s full-time caretaker after my mother fell ill. I am not close to her anymore but I respect her and my mother‘s wishes enough to not hunt her down after seven years for what is legally and rightfully hers.
Update (Same Post): May 22, 2024 (Next Day)
Thank you all for your kind messages and advice, I would never have expected to get so valuable support and inside from strangers on the Internet. Thank you really from the bottom of my heart!
We came together with my brother and his fiancée after I had many of your replies to my husband and my sister. I stated clearly that I will support her in any way possible and that it’s very important for me to welcome home to the family properly but the jewelry is off the table because I believe I am fulfilling my mother’s wishes and I cannot hurt my daughters. I added that I believe that this is not the right way to join a family and that we should strive to resolve this conflict before it creates more tension between my daughters and their uncle and future aunt and also amongst us siblings.
At first, I thought my brother really saw my point and he seemed happy that we offered to pitch together to buy something for his fiancée. Unfortunately she is not willing to accept this. as some of you pointed out, she seems to believe that she ranks right beside my sister and me when it comes to our late mother and supersedes my daughters.. well.
She talked about her rightful place in the family and how she went no contact with her family because they denied her the respect that she deserves and that she will not hesitate to do the same with us. She also talked a lot about the pain of not being able to have any heirloom jewelry for her wedding. And honestly, I believe only a few days ago I would’ve given in presented with her tears but thanks to your kind words I was able to see through her emotional manipulation and really now that I am aware of what she’s doing it is so obvious..
I must say my brother looked very uncomfortable. She then stated that it would be a waste to give the pieces to my daughters since they would just sell them for the money to buy make-up wich is absurd. I ended the conversation at this point stating that I hold firm to my boundary and that they are free to do whatever they feel is the right thing for them.
I am heartbroken and I hope my brother will change his mind. So.. no happy ending but thanks again.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Thats great youve seen her for what shes really doing! Good luck to your brother because the fiancé sure sounds like a peach! Well done for looking out for your baby girls (I know they’re 18 but they’ll always be your babies!)!

OOP: They are capable and wise but they should not bear the consequences of the quarrels of others that they have no part in. And although I am heartbroken by all of this I can firmly feel my mother’s support in this as she put me in charge to protect what belongs to her granddaughters and daughters. Thank you for your support!

In response to a longer comment:

Thanks again.. I appreciate your encouragement. I hope their next move will be one of love and understanding but it’s hard to tell what they will do. While I don’t believe they are considering to physically steal the pieces from me, I have now given the two pieces meant for the younger girls to my mother-in-law for safekeeping at her house until the dust settles. She is obviously livid at the treatment of her granddaughters. The girls felt a lot of pressure from their uncle which is so heartbreaking.. my eldest on the other hand calls her future aunt a grifter and says she will not accept any change of plan to accommodate her so she will receive her piece as planned. She has also been looking forward to wearing it for a long time. I have no words really at this point.. hoping for the best.

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SCENE 1 OF THE STORY - Beginnings of the Anomaly https://www.reddit.com/libraryofruina/s/1yTO3qeElj
If you haven't seen scene 1 of the fan story, please go read it for contexts of what's going on. Simply put, roland has been replaced by a new guy from a different world. It is more specifically ours. Also, you might be wondering where roland is... well

• Roland is lying on a bed... Slightly dropped down by the Teleport of a Purple tear with smoke covered the area..

Roland: Damit all this smoke... purple tear... is this that library she was talking about.... It doesn't look like it at all.... Something feels off.

• Then He feels something in this pocket... It was a note....

Dear Roland... It appears that a mistake has happened... And it's not a minor one either... It seems I somehow teared into the fabric of this new world that you're now in... and somehow switched you and a person that was on this bed in your place. Luckily, I noticed the mistake immediately, but My teleportation can't get to you. You're stuck, basically. I do not know what kind of world this is, but good luck. And sorry. Lori.

• Roland stands there in complete silence and shock... completely different world... He was just some experiment rat... damm it all... damm, that whole damm city.... Damm, that pianist for taking his one light his wife and child..... Damm it....

Roland: Dammit!!!
Roland: I knew it was a lie... I shouldn't trust anyone.... And they were just trying to get rid of me... that damm Hanna Association.... and Head...!!!

• He breathes heavily and then stands there and says "That is that, and this is this.... Remember that..."
• He looks around in this room and finds a wallet and opens it
• he see a id and a girl and boy Picture besides it as well. With the name on the id. "Willam Xeon manger of YumYum Sandwichs" Roland:... mmm, he does look like me... and I bet that this is his room... It seemed similar to the city... It's not as high tech as most houses, but it's definitely nice... It's probably similar to somewhere in the nest... Maybe... I... I... could change.... Take the mask of this person... Build a new life... and leave all that pain in the city behind me.... Maybe call retirement or something.... but... If I find a way back... Somehow somewhere.... Lori... Oliver.... I will find you and I will kill you.... Even though you were my teachers and my friends... I trusted you two... I believed you two... You are the last two people that I would ever see betrayed me... but you did... For that I can never forgive this city for what it's done...
  
• He lays on this new bed, which to him is very surprisingly comfy, and then the cell phone on a nearby desk rings.
  
• He looks at it and finds a nickname "Angel." In the picture of this, look similar to his wife angelica... And then realizes that the image of the boy and girl that both of them were probably in a relationship of some kind.
  
• Roland looks shocked... Roland: What.... no way.... Angelica, you.... I see.... I get it now.... Ahahahhahahhaaahahhahaha! This willam guy is me.... From a different universe... Different name... Different person... different world but that girlfriend of his... It almost looks like Angelica... There's no mistake that... So I play my part... so I can one day find that source of my sorrow and have my revenge... Until then... Let me put on my mask and never think about that sorrow AGAIN.
  
• He picks up the phone and he hears her speak clamly...
  

"Hey willam I just want to let you know that I had an awesome time hang out with you and you made the best special sandwiches of my life And I hope we can hang out again maybe we can go by and grab some coffee or go to the bar sometime soon."

• Her voice was angelic... It seems like he found someone almost identical to his wife... Is somehow some way... Irony strikes the person unexpecting this turn of events

*Roland speaks
" Yea, Angel, some coffee would be nice... I think I would know some good coffee places that we can go together... How about we meet tomorrow morning? How does that sound.

• She gets excited and tells him that she can't wait and tell him that she loves him.
• He shakes... and tell her that he loves her and will see her tomorrow.
  
• He hangs up and drops to the ground, crying his heart out.... All his sorrows pour out as he still tries to understand what just happened to him and what will happen and what he got himself into...
  

There is nothing but silence... He gets up... He takes his clothes off and puts on some of these willam guys' clothes... Which somehow fit him... Then he goes outside and starts a fire on his clothes... to burn all those painful memories away... his life forever changed.... Forever gone.... Like those gone angels.... He stamps out the flames and walks back into his house.... with now been willam xeon until he finds a way back to take his revenge against the city... Until then... Those angels laugh at him...
To be continued...

I finally trusted you again and I'm heart broken. I thought we were at at point where we would eventually be able to work through this together. It wasn't there yet but, there was hope again.
You were becoming a good Dad and a caring romantic partner.
I've had glimmers of hope through out the years:
-Fruit strip gum and 5th grade mouth shirt.
-When you asked me out in 6th grade and we had a homework date, with your weird nice Dad on his dial up internet.
-When you kissed me on my roof, while I was wearing my striped Contempo belly shirt (the next time we hung out you asked if you could pick Rosemary's sunflowers to give to Rae)
-When we went to homecoming together (but you took shrooms with Vinnie, so you were off, we danced a little.)
-When we had strange sex on your dorm room couch (my first time.) Followed by you discarding me when we were supposed to hang out next, after having my Mom drive 3 hours to get you, you didn't hang out with me when we got home. You NEEDED to go to the mall with again, Rae. I guess not a glimmer.
-Then I guess we were sex friends and kind of together, you spent lots of time at my house. You were so kind to my family (other than the time we got my 11 year old brother high and potentially ruined his mental health forever. This timeline isn't accurate but I thought of it.

• You were kind to my brother. Thank you for that. You really were a great brother in law to him. Be probably misses you.

-When you moved in with me . You had no where else to go but I pretended it was because you wanted to be with me. (We had some good times there, our room was toxic)
-We did ecstasy and had sex the football field. That was fun.
-You introduced me to your cold, cold family. They told/tell me I'm family too but that dynamic is weird. I don't envy that upbringing.
-We were a long distance couple but it was official. I ruined my education to make it work. I don't really regret that you're better than an education at that school.

• You told me a ghost told you we had to be together. I believed that piece only. Blocked out all the red flags, including Jessica (we've gone over that enough.) Dropped out of college and ran to you. You went back to her.

-She dumped you (finally, how many abortions later?) and you called me and played the thrown away song (not a glimmer, I was just glad you broke up, remember I made a decision to love you when I was 13.)
-You got jealous that I had a boyfriend and I brought his dog home from Florida. We had sex on my Mom's porch.
-You came down to Florida and saw I had good friends and was doing ok without you, you wanted me back (but you wanted to keep fucking all the strange that you were fucking and were ok with me doing the same until we got back together. I never touched anyone after that call, I don't care if you did.)
-Our Fernwood house was nice, I loved that you got me Stoops. You punched a hole in the door that I fixed witb painters plaster and we hung out with Jamie too much ( one night while I was sleeping I think something might have happened with you two but if you read everything before this you can see I'm not feeling secure in this relationship so who knows.)
-You were nice to my family, you loved my Mom and could converse with "Cool Cal," Diane and Jackie (they're tough.)

• You started talking about the band. You played a song (I didn't think it was that good, I didn't tell you that.) I wanted you to be famous, you deserve that. You're amazing!

-We went to California. You were so anxious and cruel the day we left. Then you told me you "just wanted to take care of me." My Mom told me to never be with someone who said that, that's what my Dad said to her. I didn't listen.

• You never got a job when we lived in Caifornia, I was OK with that. No one else was including Jesse. You took care of the house and made me food and really seemed to love me. I was happy. (I don't care if you did weird shit on tour, you came back to me,)

-We came back to Michigan, we built a home. We were broke and lost together.

• We went to Karen and Tom's wedding, I was proud to have you by my side, we were in love and I was pregnant.

-YOU DID NOT WANT KIDS (you told me this when we were about 17, you said you wanted to be with me but didn't want kids, maybe we would adopt when we were older.)
-I'm sorry I never listened to your words and tried to wish you into the person I dreamed you were. That's too much to live up to. I really am sorry I do this.
-We had the kids and they make all of this worth it.
-We didn't have 1 of them. I couldn't have another one without your support. We had sex on the washing machine and you told me you loved me and we could keep that baby. The next day you changed your mind. I didn't really want to do it again either but it felt good for a few minutes that you were agreeing to one.
-I cried and cried at that appointment once I was called back, you hardly looked at me while we were waiting, you were stoic. I couldn't have anymore kids with someone that didn't want them.
-I saw a blue meteor, I thought we should buy the blue house. The one I knew you would love, that came up on Zillow from time to time. I never told you about it because it was way too much work. Only the best version of both of us could handle that house.
-Zelda came, I was so happy for that one glimmer when that test was negative. But it wasn't.
-You told me "don't expect anything from me when that baby comes." I should have listened to your words
-Covid- I have writing longer than this and pictures of all the horrible, violent, heinous shit you said when that hit. I thought we would reset and bond and spend quality family time. Ha, see above. What the fuck is wrong with me? I have hope.
-Divorce. You threatened to kill me and all our kids. That's probably time to stop pretending this is working.
-I didn't stop pretending, we kept on. I held you and excused you and supported you. I fucked you with a passion I could never give you before because really it was already over and it didn't matter.
-It started to matter, you were helpful and kind again. You had your set backs but you seemed ready to finally commit to me and the kids.

• You went nuts, I soldiered on trying to make a living to support 3 kids, putting my interests on the shelf. I pushed you away so they wouldn't have to see you like that. I wanted to help you but I needed to protect them more.

-I asked you to get yourself help, you did.
-You called me a trigger and found your support from other women and not me.
-I feel lost without you, this is what I know.
-I feel like you can finally protect and love the kids.
-That's good!
-I'm strong but I need support too. You can't give that to me. I am choosing not to love you so I can find someone who will.

• I let you do this because I choose to love you. Why did you do?

*This shit is really a cycle and I've spun out at 43. I don't regret any of it, he gave me 3 beautiful kids. I was trying to me positive with this but almost every poitive thing is riddled with underlying negative that I pretended wasn't there at the time. *
If he/she's great but constantly makes makes you feel uneasy it's time to go!
Night, night 🌙 strong ladies and gents!

Sober Song #200
Drown Me Out - Andy Black
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I wanted a special song for post #200, of course, so I decided to think back to when I started and the new artists that I remember being most supportive in early sobriety. The three I usually come up with are Hot Milk, Mother Mother, and Andy Black. The first two have already featured in the sober songs several times each, but Andy hasn’t reappeared since post #1. That first song was “Put The Gun Down”, a song I associate with the critical realization that I was doing something that could end very badly and nobody could stop me…except me. No one was watching, and no one would save me. I had to choose it myself. Two hundred songs and almost two years later, I’m going with an Andy Black song that represents continued success in resisting the pull toward self-destructive behavior.
​
“Put The Gun Down” is both a melancholy plea for help and a bleak epiphany that help isn’t coming. “Drown Me Out” is a powerful anthem of defiance against any force that would try to drag me back to that state. Moments of disappointment, hurt, and loss are the ones when sobriety gets hard (“All the tragedy becomes a symphony / Full of pain, I feel my final goodbye”). Giving up in those moments would allow the shadow of addiction back in and unravel the progress I have made (“Another moment breaks, the shadow side of me / It's like pulling thread until I fall apart”). The impulses get easier to bear, though they remain a permanent burden that drags at me sometimes (“It's the cross that hangs deep below my heart”). But when that happens, I now have two years’ worth of power, resources, and lessons learned in sobriety that I can use to confront them instead of building barriers with alcohol (“And when I get the feeling, I let the damn walls break / Let the damn walls break down!”). Alcohol temporarily erased some negative feelings, but it more effectively erased my energy, personality, and everything that is good about me. I don’t let it do that anymore (“Nothing's gonna drown me, nothing's gonna drown me out!”). The defiant fuck-you tone of this song is sometimes exactly what I need to remember what a shitty, self-serving friend alcohol is and gives me the words to say so (“Screaming loud, screaming loud from the underground / Listen now, listen now, you're not taking me down!”). I like how fitting it is to resist being “drowned” by alcohol.
​
Another moment breaks, the shadow side of me
It's like pulling thread until I fall apart
They say to live with this song I have to sing
It's the cross that hangs deep below my heart
​
And when I get the feeling, I let the damn walls break
Let the damn walls break down!
Nothing's gonna drown me, nothing's gonna drown me out!
From the top of the world to the bottom of the ocean
​
Screaming loud, screaming loud from the underground
Listen now, listen now, you're not taking me down!
Nothing's gonna drown me, nothing's gonna drown me out
(Nothing's gonna drown me, nothing's gonna drown me)
​
Feel a violent rage, washing over me
I can barely breathe, bury me alive
All the tragedy becomes a symphony
Full of pain, I feel my final goodbye
​
And when I get the feeling, I let the damn walls break
Let the damn walls break down!
Nothing's gonna drown me, nothing's gonna drown me out!
From the top of the world to the bottom of the ocean
​
Screaming loud, screaming loud from the underground
Listen now, listen now, you're not taking me down!
Nothing's gonna drown me, nothing's gonna drown me out
(Screaming loud, screaming loud, from the underground
Nothing's gonna drown me, nothing's gonna drown me out)
​
Rise, rise
Can you hear me now?
Rise, rise
Can you see me now?
​
Rise, rise
Can you hear me now?
Rise, rise
Can you see me now?
​
And when I get the feeling, I let the damn walls break
Let the damn walls break down!
Nothing's gonna drown me, nothing's gonna drown me out!
From the top of the world to the bottom of the ocean
​
Screaming loud, screaming loud from the underground
Listen now, listen now, you're not taking me down!
Nothing's gonna drown me, nothing's gonna drown me out
​
Rise, rise
Can you hear me now?
Rise, rise
Nothing's gonna drown me, nothing's gonna drown me out
​
It may start with drowning sorrows, but would end with drowning ourselves. Don’t let alcohol drown you out. IWNDWYT <3