I (21M, not diagnosed with anything) have this strong aversion towards the “almost perfect.”
One of the ways this manifests itself is in “good and bad” numbers. Some examples of good numbers in my mind are: 10, 27, 88, 642. Examples of bad numbers: 1, 34, 99, 554, 1,001. However, if say, 27 and 88 were in the same sentence/context, they would both be bad numbers. You’re probably very confused right now, so I’ll try to explain to the best of my ability. The number 1 is only good to me if it represents what I view as a “whole” number (I know the term whole number means something different in a mathematical context), which are 10, 100, 1,000, etc. The reason why 1 as in just the number 1 is bad to me is because it is too close to 0. Since 0 represents absolute nothingness, I view it as THE perfect number. 1 irks me because it’s so close to the perfect number, 0, but not quite there. This same reasoning applies to 101, 1,001, etc. as well anything involving the number 9 due to it being 1 off from 10. The other type of numbers that annoy me are numbers such as 34, or 554. Both of these numbers disturb me due to the fact that they contain numbers that are 1 off from each other. (3 and 4, 4 and 5) 554 also irritates me due to the fact it is 1 off from being a “perfect 3.” (555) When two numbers are in a sentence together, they must be vastly, or at least considerably (depending on the context) different from each other. I can’t handle numbers that end in numbers 1 off from each other (e.g. 27 and 88) being seen together.
So what problems does this cause me? If I need to go somewhere, say work, and my phone is on charge and it is at 71%, I will wait until it gets to 72% before I take it off charge and leave the house, even if it means I’m late to work. Something that constantly happens to me is I’ll look at the time on my phone, either intentionally or unintentionally, and it will be a “bad” number, now I have to constantly check the time over and over again to make sure I view it when it becomes a “good” number. This is because when I see a bad number I get this feeling like it has “dirtied” my eyes and I need to “cleanse” my eyes by looking at a good number.
Another issue is with comments on social media, I’m using TikTok as an example because that’s what I use the most but you can visualise Instagram instead if you are unfamiliar with TikTok. When there are a lot of replies to a comment it will display as “view [number] replies.” With TikTok it used to be that if you tapped it, it would show 3 more more replies, and so on, reducing the [number] by 3 each time. However this has recently changed to revealing 3 more replies the first time you tap, and then 8 more for each time after, which is causing me even more issues. Anyways, if it reads “view 392 replies” that is obviously a bad number, so I’ll tap it once and it will become “view 389 replies,” which is still a bad number so I keep tapping it until it becomes a good number. What complicates things further, though, is my need for all the numbers displayed on my screen to be harmonious with each other. So I will spend ridiculous amounts of time trying to make all these numbers perfect.
For a more real world example, if I’m putting a book on a table, I will intentionally avoid trying to place it parallel/perpendicular to the table’s edges. Now, if there were a way for me to guarantee I was placing this book at an exact 0°/90° angle, I would do so in a heartbeat. However, this is impossible, so what I instead do is I place it and very random angle (but NOT approximately 45°) to eliminate the chances of the book being, say, 1° off from being parallel to the edge of the table.
I also do some more, I guess… typical OCD things. I constantly recheck things are turned off/locked. A big, but stupid, thing for me is being convinced light switches will somehow turn themselves back on after I turn them off, so I have to make sure I press extra hard when turning lights off so they don’t magically turn themselves on. I do everything left to right, such as repeated clicking my fingers in a specific pattern (left pinky, right pinky, right ring, left ring, left middle, right middle, right pointer, left pointer, both thumbs at the same time), putting shoes on, and stepping on new surfaces. (e.g. carpet to wood, footpath to road) If I’m walking up/down stairs I will always take the first step with my left foot, if it so happens that the amount of stairs in the staircase forces me to step off with my right foot I will do a kind of shuffle to make sure I’m stepping onto the new floor with my left foot first. This causes other issues with the amount of time each foot makes contact with the floor, how hard I press each foot on the floor, etc. I spend a lot of time shuffling around in place trying to “even out” my feet. Don’t even get me started on cracks in the footpath, shadows, multi-coloured tiles, etc.
But what happens if I don’t meet these conditions my brain has imposed upon me? I don’t feel as if I will die as result of this, but I feel anxiety over the thought of dying for some other reason and leaving behind unfixed numbers, misplaced books, a foot that touched the ground more than the other, whatever. I could die at any moment—this is a fact—I could get in a car accident, have an aneurysm, or be murdered. If that happens there won’t be a chance to fix all those things.
I’m pretty damn sure I have OCD, I just have some… oddly specific obsessions, and probably some other stuff mixed in. I just don’t want to tell a doctor all this and have them look at me crazy because they don’t understand what I’m talking about. Plus I’m way worse at explaining these things in real life.

I am grateful to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva for offering me this precious opportunity to share my experience of practising Buddhism with you.
I am 62 years old. Today, I can eat, sleep and walk like a normal person. However, did you know that I once was a paralyzed woman who could not even get up from bed, had difficulty turning over, and could not take care of myself? Through practising Buddhism and reciting Buddhist scriptures, I have completely freed myself from the misery of hell. I want to tell you with hard facts that practising Buddhism and reciting the scriptures has not only given me a second life, but has also benefited me immensely. I want to share with you how I transformed myself from paralysis to health within four years without undergoing any surgery! May my presentation plant the seeds of bodhi in your hearts, so that more people will have faith in Guan Yin Bodhisattva who has boundless supernatural power, and recite Buddhist scriptures as soon as possible to be free from suffering and gain happiness!
1. When I was young, I opened two bars so I created bad karma, and karmic retribution is right on my heels!
I am the eldest daughter of my family and the eldest daughter-in-law of my in-laws family. Both my mother and mother-in-law are Buddhist practitioners and urged me to practise Buddhism as well. However, because of my youthful ambition and good fortune, at the age of about 36, I ran two bars and enjoyed the pleasure of earning money, not bothering to practise Buddhism at all. By then, I was young and foolish, in the bars I gained filthy money by means of woman’s charms, which invariably created a lot of bad karma. How many people lost their morals and conscience for my sake of monetary gain? How many families have been broken up behind the scenes? How many people have done many things against ethics and morality under the paralysis of alcohol? I hereby express my deepest repentance to Guan Yin Bodhisattva! Karmic retribution is inescapable. I planted the evil cause so I reap the evil effect. The bad karma I created within two years of running the bars has brought me a tragic retribution 13 years later! (So, dear fellow practitioners, please take this as a warning!)
In 2010, I was 49, my predestined 369 calamity arrived. One day in July, my karma exploded. I suddenly collapsed at home kitchen while stirring frying vegetables. In an instant, I felt that the sky was falling, and I had nowhere to turn for help. An otherwise healthy me entered a life of hell on earth from then on. Every day, I ate, drank, pooped and peed in bed, had difficulty turning over, couldn't wash my hands and face, had trouble swallowing, so it was worse than death. I was paralyzed in bed from then on. The doctor said I had a herniated disc in my lower back. All the bones in my back were misaligned. Both knee bones were necrotic and so swollen. I have visited all the local city and provincial hospitals, big and small, to seek medical care. I almost spent all the several hundreds of thousands of RMB I had gained from my bar business. However, the condition got worse and worse.
2. Since encountering the excellent Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door, I have been practicing Buddhism hard to overcome any obstacles on the way and finally achieved a new life.
Perhaps it was the blessing from my family members who had been making offerings to the Buddha and practising Buddhism for years. Thanks to the mercy of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, I finally encountered the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door in 2012 when I was in the most desperate situation in my life. The person next door to my bar heard that I was sick and came to see me. She brought me Buddhist scripture, recitation device, Buddhism in Plain Terms, counters and many other Dharma gems. She told me the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door was very efficacious, and asked me to try it. Although I could not move on bed, I listened all Master Lu's recordings like a thirst. I was pleasantly surprised to hear cases of patients who had been cured of cancer and serious illnesses by practising Buddhism and reciting the scriptures. The recordings of Master Lu's programs were like a bright beacon in the darkness, bringing me hope for life and giving me great encouragement. I felt I was awakened by a powerful energy, stirring up my strong desire to live. I told myself: I must survive; I must save myself! I started to practice Buddhism and recite scriptures as if I had grabbed a lifeline.
I am illiterate, so I had to lie in bed every day and learn to recite word by word with the recitation device. Due to the heavy karma, there was no virtuous and the high-minded practitioner around to teach me how to burn the Little Houses in a rational and lawful way. I foolishly took an ashtray instead of a plate to burn the Little Houses, which resulted in the ashtray blowing up. In order to eliminate karma quickly, I was foolishly reciting the Heart Sutra and Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra after ten o'clock at night, which resulted in the light bulbs breaking several times (Here, I sincerely remind my fellow practitioners: Master Lu enlightened us not to recite the Heart Sutra and Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra after ten o'clock at night. Please make sure to read the Introduction to Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door carefully in order to avoid practising Buddhism irrationally). Therefore, we must follow the instructions of Master Lu, and never do what the Master does not allow us to do. The whole process of reciting Buddhist scriptures to eliminate karma is very bumpy. It is really easy to create karma, but very hard to eliminate it! However, I firmly believed that the Bodhisattva is infinitely powerful. As long as I diligently practised Buddhism, my fate would definitely get changed. Hence, I relied on the blissful cases in Master Lu's recordings as my spiritual support. I kept persevering, not afraid of any difficulties, and recklessly recited Buddhist scriptures.
Since I ate, drank and pooped in bed, my aura was very bad. As I could not get up by myself, so I had to lie in bed to recite the sacred Buddhist scriptures. I felt guilty and torn, wondering if this was the appropriate way to recite the sacred Buddhist scriptures. Will it affect the effect of the recitation? Gratitude to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for Her compassion, and I dreamed of Master Lu that night. Master Lu who was dressed in a black suit smiled at me and kindly comforted me: “don't worry.” After I woke up, I was very grateful for Master Lu's compassion. Master Lu knew about my special situation, so this is a sympathy and a condolence to me. After I recited Buddhist scriptures 4 to 5 months late, my neck and head were able to turn significantly. Such a Dharma blissful change thrilled me. All the trials and perseverance I had gone through in the past had not been in vain. Guan Yin Bodhisattva has boundless supernatural power, which had given me a glimmer of hope for recovery! (Here, I sincerely remind my fellow practitioners: In the absence of illness, recitation of Buddhist scriptures must be respectful. A point of respect harvests a point of benefit.)
3. The unique characteristics of attending the Dharma conference and formally acknowledging Jun Hong Lu as my master allow my physical health to improve with Dharma joy
In February 2017, I befriended a fellow practitioner. She invited me to attend the Macau Dharma Convention together. I thought to myself: “can I take the bus by myself?” “Can I attend the conference?” With a strong faith from my inner heart, I attended the conference via keeping reciting the Great Compassion Mantra on the trip. Unbelievably, I arrived at the conference as I wished with the blessing and protection of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, although my bulky legs could only barely support my body in the seat. I was in tears when I listened Master Lu's wise words and saw the holy icon of Guan Yin Bodhisattva. On the night of the conference, I dreamed of Guan Yin Bodhisattva! Gratitude to Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva for saving me from suffering and giving me a new life. At the end of the Macau Dharma Convention, I instantly made two vows: to be a vegetarian for 15 days per month and liberate 10,000 fish.
Before I attended the Macau Dharma Convention, I had to take a break whenever I walked two steps, and my body was not able to move much. After returning, my legs started to become strong enough to support my body and I could walk on flat ground. Despite they were not very flexible, they were no longer the same as when I was paralyzed like a limp in bed. My whole body is getting better and better in essence, vital energy, and spirit. I was very surprised! Master Lu has enlightened that there are many Buddhas and Bodhisattvas coming to bless attendees at each Dharma conference!
In August 2017, before the Dharma Convention in Malaysia, my fellow practitioners urged me to formally acknowledge Jun Hong Lu as my master. Since I am an illiterate, compassionate fellow practitioners helped me to fill out the application form of seeking discipleship. My fellow practitioners told me that there were so many people wanted to formally acknowledge Jun Hong Lu as their master that I might not be able to reach my wish this time. Then, I had to wait for the opportunity next Dharma Convention. I told myself that whether I could reach my wish or not this time, I would actively participate in Master Lu’s Dharma Convention. Considering my age, it is a blessing for me to attend one more Dharma Convention. To my surprise, one week later, my application for seeking discipleship was approved. Gratitude to Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
On the day of seeking discipleship, I was very excited. During the process of seeking discipleship, I heard a voice in stereo that was very loud. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see Tathagata Buddha, and many other Bodhisattvas coming down from heaven. At that moment, I saw that the upper half of Master Lu's Dharmakaya appeared transparent with a huge lotus flower. I was suddenly moved to tears. I was oblivious to the fact that Master Lu had come to my side until the time of issuing the discipleship certificate. Master Lu was very compassionate and empowered me with blessing. Master Lu enlightened, "Because five people opened their eyes during the worship ceremony, they have no lotuses planted in the pure land. But it's okay, when the ceremony is over, you can go to the front and kowtow to ask the Bodhisattva (to plant a lotus)." I then rushed to the front to worship. Before I finished worshiping Bodhisattva, a young fellow practitioner came over. He asked, "How do you feel? Did you see anything?" I said, "I saw Tathagata Buddha." He asked, "How are you sure that was Tathagata Buddha?" I said, "Both my mother and mother-in-law are Buddhist disciples, and Tathagata Buddha has curly hair."
I was grateful for the compassionate blessing from Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu. When I returned home after seeking discipleship, I made two vows: to be a vegetarian for the rest of my life and never kill (animals). The power of a vow outweighs the force of karma. After I made the vows, Master Lu’s Dharmakaya came to help me heal my legs in my dreams. Once, I saw Master Lu’s Dharmakaya passing by my room while I was half-squinted. Master Lu asked me, "Which foot is uncomfortable? Where is aching?" Instantly I woke up and then I found that my feet didn't feel as heavy as they used to be and I walked more lightly. I excitedly shared the news with my old father, "Master Lu has come to bless me again!" I am grateful to Master Lu for his compassionate care for every sentient being. Every time I dreamed of Master Lu, he would always compassionately endow me with abundance of blessing, and I was always surprised by the improvement in my health.
In a short time, I could not only separate my feet and take turns to walk up and down the stairs independently. Moreover, I could bend back and forth freely with my arms crossed. The bones in my back, which were all misaligned and uneven, were now completely normal again. Previously, I couldn't raise my hands to wash my face, brush my teeth or comb my hair because the bones in my back would pull the nerves and cause severe pain when I raised my hands. In those days, whenever I sneezed or defecated, I felt like to cheat death on pain. In those hellish day I went through unimaginable pain and suffering. Now, however, I can take care of myself completely and move around freely. Sometimes I get a little tired after walking for too long, but I can recover after 10 minutes of rest in bed. Although it is still slightly bumpy while I was walking, if you don't look closely, you can't see it. My family was overwhelmed to see the dramatic change from being paralyzed and bedridden to walking independently since I practised Buddhism. My old father, who was taking care of me at the bedside, complimented me straight away: you have completely changed, becoming healthier and healthier now! I was so excited that I had tears in my eyes. Without the rescue of Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I really wouldn't have the blissful transformation I have today!
In 2019, at the Dharma conferences of Indonesia and Singapore, I pleaded with my fellow practitioners to be merciful to give me the opportunity to volunteer. According to the rules of the Dharma conference, I was already overage. However, I was adamant that I must do volunteer work. Guan Yin Bodhisattva has given me a second life, so I have to serve all sentient beings physically. I am grateful for Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva who helped me out. When I came back from the conferences, I found that I could bend and squat easily and freely, and I had no problem even sitting on the floor. I am grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for compassionately helping me to eliminate my karma at every conference, so that I can obtain incredible blessings and improvement occur every time.
4. The incredible blessing of setting up the Buddhist altar accelerated my health recovery and created a medical miracle.
From the time I set up the Buddhist altar in 2017, I insisted on offering Bodhisattvas incenses morning and evening every day. At first, the body was still straight and could not bend and bow. For two years, in front of the Buddhist altar, I prayed for Bodhisattvas to bless me so that I could recover my health a little better so I can use my own experience as an example to convince sentient beings to gain faith on Dharma and practise Dharma. Gradually, I was able to stand to offer incense to Bodhisattvas, to bend and bow, and finally to kneel in front of the Buddhist altar to recite the scriptures. I was full of Dharma joy! Initially, my back still hurt from kneeling. With the karmic obstacles being removed, my back didn't hurt anymore. Sometimes when I went out with fellow practitioners to set up the Buddhist altar, particularly on the Buddha's Birthday, I could kneel to recite the Eighty-eight Buddhas Great Repentance for an hour and a half. My fellow practitioners couldn't keep it up, so I was the only one who kept it up until the end. I am so grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for Her compassionate blessing!
At one time, the doctor at the provincial hospital told me that I had to have surgery to put two steel plates into the bone, but I refused. Because I firmly believe that with the of blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I am afraid of nothing. Buddha is an extraordinary doctor. The only way to recover completely is to repent sincerely and practise Buddhism. I can now move as freely as a normal person. This medical miracle achieved was completely relied on practising Buddhism, reciting scriptures, being a vegetarian, helping new practitioners to set up Buddhist altars, volunteering at Dharma conferences, and actively propagating the Dharma. To improve my family economic financial, I went out to work on construction sites as a helper, do cleaning and housekeeping!
Those patients who were once slightly paralyzed did not recover as quickly and well as I did, even with surgery.
Dear readers, when you see such a dramatic change in me, what are you hesitating for? Hurry up and pick up the Buddhist scriptures to recite! I am the living example, the ironclad evidence. Guan Yin Bodhisattva does exist, and She is Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate, answers any prayers.
Thinking of the bad karma I created in the two bars when I was young, I feel grievously sinful. I have earned ill-gotten wealth, but the karma was produced, and karmic retribution is inescapable. If one hasn't been retributed, the time hasn't come yet. After I got old, all the retribution came to me. Not only did I use up all my money, but I also had to suffer from physical illness and paralysis. I advise everyone to remember Master Lu's enlightenment: Do not do anything that is evil; Do not fail to do good no matter how petty the deed; Do not engage in evil no matter how trivial the deed. Dear readers, please consider it carefully before earning any money, and don’t commit such deep sins as I did for the sake of monetary gain, or else the consequences will follow you!
Without the merciful salvation and blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I would not have been reborn today! I made a few great wows: honour the teacher and respect his teachings, live an ascetic life for lifetime, be a vegetarian lifetime, not kill, not eat eggs, not smoke, not drink; transcend the cycle of rebirth for good and attain enlightenment in one lifetime. In this life, I will follow Guan Yin Bodhisattva to cultivate my mind and change my behaviour and never quit. I will follow my benefactor, the Compassionate father, Master Lu, to propagate Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door and never stop! Although I am over 60 years, I will continue using my own experience as an example to convince sentient beings to gain faith on Dharma and practise Buddhism. Together with my fellow practitioners, I will get up early and go home late to help set up Buddha altars for new practitioners. No matter how far and how difficult the trip is, I will always be strict with myself. I will go wherever I am needed. Even if I am eating, as soon as I receive a mission for propagating Dharma, I will put down my chopsticks and set off without delay.
Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door is peerlessly efficacious, and Guan Yin Bodhisattva is Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate, saves beings from suffering, has supernatural power, and answer all prayers. As long as we have a devout heart and we persist in reciting Buddhist scriptures and practicing Buddhism, no difficulty can defeat us! My physical changes are the most powerful evidence! May my true presentation give some inspiration to those people who are still suffering from illnesses, so that they can acquire faith to practising Buddhism, and pick up the Buddhist scriptures to recite. May more sentient beings having affinity with Buddha break free from delusion and attain enlightenment, balance egoism and altruism, and free from suffering and gain happiness.
My deepest gratitude to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
My deepest gratitude to all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas from ten directions and three periods of time!
My deepest gratitude to the Dharma protectors!
My deepest gratitude to the selfless and altruistic Master Jun Hong Lu!
If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the truth in the presentation, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors, and Master Jun Hong Lu.
I’d also like to seek forgiveness from my fellow Buddhist practitioners.
I, not my fellow practitioners, will be responsible for my own karma!
Shared by: Dharma Practitioner Ganen, Gratitude and Namaste!
Translated by: Frank
Statement by Translator

1. Story was translated from Chinese into English by meaning, not word by word. If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the true meaning of the Chinese version, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors and Master Jun Hong Lu.
   
2. Author Ganen was interviewed by Frank during the translation for the detailed information.
   

Propagation
It would be greatly appreciated if you would forward this presentation to all sentient beings you know, sick or healthy. You will accumulate immeasurable merits and virtues. Saving a life is more meritorious than building a seven-floor pagoda!
Would you like to change your destiny?
We will show you how to do the Five Golden Buddhist Practices of Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door: (1) making vows, (2) reciting Buddhist scriptures (sutras and mantras), (3) performing life liberation, (4) reading Buddhism in Plain Terms, and (5) repenting. You will personally witness how you and your family can achieve physical and mental stability, relief from illness and grievances, wisdom growth, academic progress, career advancement, and family happiness through Dharma. It’s free of charge.
Contact
Buddhist practitioner: Lily
Email: [sunnypurplelily@gmail.com](mailto:sunnypurplelily@gmail.com)
WeChat: HanJing20210820
原文如下:
从瘫痪卧床到行走自如做家政，心灵法门创造了医学奇迹
感恩南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨摩诃萨！
感恩十方三世一切诸佛菩萨！
感恩龙天护法金刚菩萨！
感恩恩师慈父卢军宏台长！
感恩师兄们！
感恩大慈大悲观世音菩萨慈悲，让我能有这个宝贵的机会与大家分享我的学佛经历。我今年62岁，现在是一个能吃、能睡、能走路的正常人了。但是，你们可曾知道，曾经，我是一个连床都起不了、翻身都困难，生活完全无法自理的瘫痪老人！如今，通过学佛念经，我把自己从地狱的苦海里完全挣脱了出来。我要用铁一般的事实告诉大家：学佛念经不仅给了我第二次生命，更让我受益无穷。我要跟大家分享，在这患病的四年里，在没有经历任何手术的情况下，如何让自己从瘫痪到健康的蜕变！愿我今天的分享给有缘人种下菩提种子，让更多的人相信观世音菩萨法力无边，早日学佛念经，离苦得乐！
1. 年轻时开酒吧造恶业，得现世报！
我是家中的长女、婆家的长媳。母亲和婆婆都是学佛人，都劝我也学佛。但是，由于年轻时好胜心强，加之财运不错，36岁左右，我经营两家酒吧，享受挣钱的快乐，根本无心学佛。年轻愚痴的我经营酒吧时靠女色来赚取黑钱，赚的都是不正之财，无形中造了很多恶业。在这种灯红酒绿中生活，我为了金钱利益，让多少人丧失了自己的道德与良知？背后又造成多少个家庭的破裂？又有多少人在酒精的麻痹下做出多少违背伦理道德的事情？弟子在此向观世音菩萨深深忏悔！因果报应丝毫不爽，种恶因得恶果。开酒吧这两年中我所造下的恶业，在十几年后让我得到悲惨的现世报！所以，请大家引以为戒！
2010年我49岁，正逢“三六九”关劫。7月的一天，我的业障大爆发，在家炒菜时突然间倒下。瞬间，我感觉天塌下来，叫天天不应，叫地地不灵。一个原本健康的我从此进入人间地狱般的生活。每天，我吃喝拉撒都在床上，翻身都很困难，没法自己洗手洗脸，吞咽困难，简直生不如死。我从此瘫痪在床。医生说我是腰椎间盘突出。后背的所有骨头都错位。两个膝盖骨头坏死，肿得很大。当地市里、省里大大小小的医院我都看过了。我几乎把我做酒吧生意所赚到的几十万块钱都花光了。然而，病情越来越严重。
2. 得遇殊胜法门，坎坷学佛路中坚持不懈地修行换来重生
也许是家人一直供佛学佛的福德。承蒙观世音菩萨慈悲，在我人生绝境之时，我终于在2012年得遇心灵法门。以前我开店隔壁的人听说我病倒了，就来看我。她给我送来了经书、念佛机、《白话佛法》、计数器等很多法宝。她告诉我心灵法门很灵验，让我试试。我躺在床上虽然无法动弹，却如饥似渴地把师父的录音听了个遍。听到人们通过学佛念经把癌症、重症都治愈的案例，我惊喜万分。师父的节目录音就像黑暗中的一盏明灯，让我看到了生活的希望，给了我很大的鼓舞。在这个过程中我像被一股强大的能量加持唤醒，激起了求生的强烈欲望。我告诉自己：我一定要活过来；我一定要自己救自己！我像抓住了救命稻草似地开始拼命学佛念经。
我不识字，只能每天躺在床上跟着念佛机一字一句地学着念。由于业力牵引，身边没有遇到善知识教我如理如法地烧送小房子。愚痴的我曾拿个烟灰缸代替盘子烧送经文组合小房子，结果烟灰缸炸掉了。为了抓紧时间消业，我晚上十点后还在念《心经》和《往生咒》，结果家里的灯坏了好几次（趁此机会我诚心提醒师兄们：师父开示，晚上十点后不要念诵《心经》和《往生咒》，请师兄们一定要好好看《心灵法门入门手册》，避免操作不如理不如法）。所以，我们一定要听师父的话，师父不让做的就不做。念经消业的整个过程非常坎坷。真是造业容易，消业难啊！但是，我坚信菩萨法力无边，只要精进努力，一定会得到改变的。于是，我依靠师父录音中的法喜案例作为精神支撑。我一直坚持不懈，不怕万难，拼命念经。
由于吃喝拉撒都在床上，气场非常不好，自己又无法起身，只能躺在床上念经。我内心愧疚又纠结，不知道这样念经是否如理如法？会不会影响念经效果？感恩菩萨慈悲，当晚我就梦见师父了。师父身穿着黑西装，一边慈祥地笑着一边安慰我：不要担心。醒来后，我非常感恩师父的慈悲。师父知道我的特殊情况，这是对我的宽容和安慰啊。后来，大概念经差不多4～5个月后，我的脖子和头也能明显地转动了。这样法喜的变化，让我激动万分。我过去所经历的磨难与坚持都没有白费。观世音菩萨法力无边，让我看到了康复的一丝希望！（作者提醒：师兄们，在没有病痛的情况下，念经一定要体态恭敬，一分恭敬一分受益。）
3. 参加法会与拜师的殊胜，让我的身体不断法喜蜕变
2017年2月份，我结识了一位师兄。她邀请我一起去参加澳门法会。我心想：我能自己坐车吗？能去法会吗？凭着内心坚定的信念，路途中我一直念《大悲咒》。虽然我笨重的双腿只能勉强支撑着身体坐在座位上，但在观世音菩萨一路加持护佑下，我竟然能够如愿到了法会现场。现场听到师父开示、看到观世音菩萨的圣像，我泪如雨下。大法会当天晚上，我就梦到了观世音菩萨！感恩大慈大悲救苦救难观世音菩萨救我于苦海，给了我新的生命和生活。澳门法会结束，我当即发愿：一个月吃素15天，放生一万条鱼。参加澳门法会前，只要走两步路我就要歇一歇，而且我的身体没办法大幅度活动。
澳门法会回来后，我的双腿开始变得有力，可以支撑起身子在平地上走路了。虽然还不是很灵活，但是比起原来像软泥一样瘫痪在床的状态，已经不可同年而语了。我整个人精、气、神也越来越好。我非常惊喜！师父开示过，每场法会有很多佛菩萨来加持大家！
2017年8月，马来西亚法会前，师兄们让我拜师，但我不识字。慈悲的师兄们帮助我代笔填写拜师申请表。师兄们告诉我，这次拜师的人太多，有可能排不上队，得等到下一场法会才有机会。我告诉自己，无论这次能不能拜师，我都一定积极参加师父的法会。我这么大年纪了，能参加多一场法会都是我的福报啊。让我惊喜的是，一个星期后，我的拜师申请通过了。感恩观世音菩萨慈悲！
拜师当天，我激动万分。在拜师过程中，我听到一个非常立体、非常响亮的声音。我睁开眼睛时，我竟然看到了如来佛祖，还有好多菩萨都从天上下来了。这时，我看到师父上半身的法身呈现透明状，有一朵大大的莲花。我顿时感动得泪如雨下。直到颁发弟子证的时候，我浑然不觉师父已经走到我的身边。师父非常慈悲，给我灌顶加持。师父说:“因为拜师过程中有5个人睁开了眼睛，所以莲花没有种上去。不过没关系，等拜师仪式结束后，可以到前面去磕头求菩萨。”我就赶紧跑到前面去拜。我还没拜完，就过来了一个年轻师兄。他问我：“您感觉怎么样？有没有看到什么？” 我告诉他：“我看到如来佛祖了。” 他说：“您怎么确定那是如来佛祖呢？”我说：”我家母和家婆是学佛人，如来佛祖头发卷卷的。”
感恩观世音菩萨与师父的慈悲加持。拜师结束回家我就发愿: 终生吃全素，不杀生。真是愿力大于业力，发愿后，师父又来梦里帮我治疗双腿。有一次，我半眯着眼睛看到师父从我的房间经过。师父问我：“还有哪只脚不舒服？还有哪个地方疼痛的？” 瞬间我就醒了，醒来我发现我的双脚没有了原来的沉重感，走起路来更加轻盈了。我激动地跟老父亲分享：“师父又来加持我啦！”感恩师父慈悲关怀着每一位众生。每次梦见师父，师父都慈悲给予加持，我的身体总会有惊喜的好转。
没过多久，我不仅可以分开双脚，轮流迈开步伐独立上下楼梯。而且，我双手叉腰，可以前后自如地弯腰。后背的骨头原本因为全部错位并高低不平，如今完全恢复正常了。原本我没办法把手举起来洗脸、刷牙和梳头，因为手一抬，后背的骨头扯神经会导致剧烈的疼痛。每次打喷嚏或排泄的时候，都有种痛不欲生的感觉，就像死里逃生一样。这种地狱般的日子让我历经常人难以想象的苦痛折磨。然而现在，我的生活可以完全自理并且行动自如。有时候走太久会有一点点累，但是卧床休息十几分钟就可以恢复过来。虽然走路还有一点点高低现象，但如果不仔细看，是看不出来的。看到我学佛念经以来，从瘫痪卧床到独立行走的巨大变化，我的家人无比震惊。当年在床头边照顾我的老父亲直夸我：现在整个人完全变了，变得越来越健康了！我激动得泪眼婆娑。没有观世音菩萨与师父的大慈大悲救苦救难，真的不会有我今天的法喜蜕变！
2019年印尼法会和新加坡法会上，我恳请师兄们慈悲给我做义工的机会。按照法会规定，我已经超龄了。但是，我坚决一定要做义工。观世音菩萨给了我第二次生命，我就要身体力行地为众生服务。感恩观世音菩萨的慈悲，让我能如愿以偿。从法会做完义工回来，我发现我可以轻松自如地弯腰和下蹲，就连坐在地板上也没有问题了。感恩菩萨每次法会上都慈悲帮我消业，让我每次都能有不可思议的加持，变化。
4. 设佛台的不可思议加持，加速我身体恢复健康，创造医学奇迹
从2017年设佛台起，我每天坚持上早晚香。起初，身体还是直直的，不能弯腰鞠躬。两年里，我每天在佛台前上香求菩萨加持，让我身体能恢复得更好一些，能为众生表法。慢慢地，我从站着上香到弯腰鞠躬，到最后可以跪在佛台前念经。真是法喜充满啊！刚开始跪着后背还是很痛。随着业障的消除，我的后背也不疼痛了。有时候和师兄们出去设佛台，遇到佛诞日，我跪着念诵《礼佛大忏悔文》足足有一个半小时的时间。许多师兄都坚持不下来，唯独我坚持到结束。真是感恩菩萨慈悲加持！
曾经，省医院的医生告诉我，必须做手术把两块钢板放进骨头里，但我回绝了。因为我坚信有观世音菩萨和师父两座靠山，我什么都不怕。在因果面前，佛是大药王。唯有诚心忏悔，学佛修行才能彻底康复。我完全靠学佛念经吃素、设佛台、参加法会做义工，积极弘法度人，才创造了医学奇迹：现在和正常人一样行动自如。我甚至去工地做小工，搞卫生、做家政弥补家用！那些曾经轻微瘫痪的患者就算做手术，也没有我恢复得快，恢复到如此好的状态。
读者朋友们，你们看到我如此天翻地覆的变化，还犹豫什么呢？赶快捧起经书念经吧！我就是活生生的例子，铁一般的证据。观世音菩萨真实存在，并且大慈大悲有求必应啊！
现在回想起年轻时开酒吧所造下的恶业，真是罪孽深重。不正之财赚到了，可是，因果报应丝毫不爽，不是不报，时候未到。在我人到老年时，所有的报应一涌而来。不但钱财全部用尽，还要遭受肉体病痛的瘫痪之苦，因果不空啊！奉劝大家一定要谨记师父的教诲：诸恶莫作，众善奉行！不以善小而不为；不以恶小而为之！挣任何钱财之前都要三思，切记不可为了金钱利益而像我一样造下如此深重的罪孽，否则果报如影随形！
没有观世音菩萨和师父的慈悲救度与加持，就没有我今天的重生！弟子许愿尊师重道、一生清修、终生吃全素、不杀生、不吃鸡蛋、不抽烟、不喝酒；一世修成，永断轮回。今生跟着观世音菩萨修心修行，永不退转。跟着恩师慈父卢军宏台长弘扬心灵法门永不停息！我虽然60多岁了，但是我要身体力行地为大家表法，起早贪黑地和共修组师兄们一起去助缘设佛台。无论路程多么遥远，多么艰辛，我都严格要求自己。哪里需要我，我就走到哪里。哪怕我在吃饭，只要接到弘法任务，我一定当即放下筷子，一刻也不能耽误地出发。
心灵法门灵验无比，观世音菩萨大慈大悲，救苦救难，法力无边，有求必应。只要我们有一颗虔诚的心，只要我们坚持念经修行，没有什么困难可以打倒我们！我的身体变化就是最有力的证据！愿我的真实分享给那些还在受着病痛折磨的人们一些启发，让大家生起学佛念经的信念，捧起经书念经，愿更多的有缘众生能够早日破迷开悟，自利利他，离苦得乐！
我的分享结束了，分享中如有不如理不如法的地方，请观世音菩萨慈悲原谅！请十方三世一切诸佛菩萨和龙天护法菩萨慈悲原谅！请师父慈悲原谅！请师兄们批评指正！我自己的业障自己背，不让师兄们背！感恩合十！
分享人：感恩～全素
2022-02-28
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I’m reaching out early to potential recommenders for next admissions seasons, and one of my recommenders is from my undergrad program (I have a masters degree, for context). He hasn’t taught me in about a decade, but we’ve kept in touch and I was hoping that our good rapport would make for a more personal and impactful letter. Will admissions disregard what he has to say since he can’t speak to my recent potential as well?
I’ve been out of academia for the past seven years, so it’s hard to get truly up to date letters. I am definitely getting one from someone I’m currently working closely with on a relevant research project, and my third letter should come from my graduate school advisor.
TLDR: Is an LOR from someone who hasn’t taught me in a decade a bad idea?

So I've always been of the camp that Signs and Symbols has a solution as satisfying, concrete and as hinted at in the surface story as the acrostic at the end of The Vane Sisters (where the hints are numerous and even somewhat on the nose in retrospect), and that it has not been found yet. A popular reading of the story is that there is no code to decipher, only red herrings that would lead you to think there is, thereby making the reader mirror the young boy's referential mania, but I don't buy this reading for various reasons. It's too obvious, too easy, too inelegant, and not a "a second (main) story woven into, or placed behind, the superficial semitransparent one" as Nabokov described it. So here is everything I have in the way of hints and ideas:
The 0-O confusion takes us to the letter O on a telephone dial where O is under 6 (M, N, O). Three calls make 666 (echoed by the M, N, O, almost spelling out OMEN) but the story is already filled with omens and Nabokov wouldn't have such a conventional ready-made symbol of doom be the ultimate hidden solution, especially in a story where doom isn't hidden at all. However, continuing along the number-letter pairs on a telephone dial path, if you count the syllables in the names of the fruit jellies you'll get 3,1,2,1,3. The symmetry alone marks intention, but when you check only the first letters under those numbers on a dial you get D-no letters-A-no letters-D, or DAD. Is this another message from the afterlife, (maybe along with MOM which you can also write if 6 is dialed thrice)? It's interesting that most "solved" Nabokov stories have to do with ghosts trying to contact living characters from the afterlife (The Vane Sisters, Transparent Things, Pale Fire...). But this is neither conclusive nor unique enough, nor that well hinted at since syllable counting is never mentioned and you can't spell out MOM if the third caller isn't the girl dialing 6 again.
There must somehow be a second story with "incredibly detailed information" hidden among the "phenomenal nature" and "man made objects" but excludes "real people" in the story. I think the long paragraph detailing the boy's mania must be where all the clues are, since that part is the only thing we have resembling the hints pointing out the acrostic in The Vane Sisters. Connections can indeed be made between details here and the rest of the story, like "stains" to "soiled cards" or the increasing "volubility" of wild scandal to "garrulous" high school children. That that the focus of references increase with distance also makes me think that the bulk of the code is hidden in parts that don't have to do with the boy.
It has been cleverly pointed out before that the detached observers, prejudiced witnesses, and hysterical misinterpreters can correspond to different kinds of readers or narrators. It also seems important that they are all reflectors of some kind (still pools, glass surfaces, store windows, running water... etc)
The initials of Minsk, the Revolution, Leipzig, Berlin, Leipzig seem to hint at Middle, Right, Left, Bottom, Left. I have NO idea what this is supposed to mean.
The word choices in the parents journey to and from the sanitarium is suspicious. The bird was twitching in the puddle, the father's hands twitched, it was a "soft shock" to see the girl on the bus, the thunder and foul air of the subway, the train lost its "life current." That's a lot of words that are electricity adjacent and the bird image especially evokes an electric appliance in the shower type of suicide. The focus on the umbrella and the mother searching for something to "hook her mind onto" also seem to point to some hook.
The boy's last suicide is left up in the air (pun intended). It was "a masterpiece of inventiveness", confusable with learning to fly, and had to do with tearing a hole in his world. Maybe the latter has a connection with the wallpaper he was afraid of as a child? The picture of a leafless tree with a cartwheel hanging from its branch is I believe an image meant to mirror a finger through a telephone dial.
I hope we figure this story out in my lifetime.

I have a friend who lives quite far from me, so we don't see each other. However, we maintain daily contact. We are both 28 years old. This friend has been having trouble sleeping for some time now. She doesn't work at the moment because she was treated very badly in her previous job. When she worked, she couldn't function very well. She went to work for 8 hours, came back, ate something and then fell asleep, waking up for work the next day.
I thought it was because of work, but even though she hasn't worked for a long time, nothing has changed. Or rather - she sleeps even more. Namely - she goes to sleep around 9 p.m. and wakes up around 2 p.m.
I started writing to her that it wasn't very normal and she should go to the doctor - maybe she is sick, tired, stressed, or has other problems. I wrote to her to get tested, but she didn't want to listen to me, because she was "afraid of needles." And it keeps getting worse - now she often pretends that she "doesn't fall asleep on the other side" and starts writing complete nonsense, as if she were drunk. And the next day she apologizes for this messages. Wrote it "because she was tired."
As I wrote, she is currently not working, so she has, let's say, 7-8 hours for shopping, meeting loved ones, etc., so I guess she thinks it's OK. But when she goes back to work, she will go back to her old lifestyle. So at one point, a bit frustrated, I started writing to her a little more harshly, why she doesn't want to change it.
Usually when she sends me these nonsense messages, they mean nothing. They are just random words and letters that make no sense. Then I text her to go to bed, get some sleep and we'll talk tomorrow. Lately, however, when I write like this, she seems offended that I suggest anything to her. Of course, the next day she swears that she doesn't remember anything and apologizes to me, saying that she doesn't think that way and is glad that someone is worried about her.
But maybe that's not the case? I think I do it out of concern, but maybe I'm actually interfering too much in her life? After all, she's an adult, right? So, should I let it go?

I’ve been sitting on this for a while as its inconclusiveness wasn’t really worth sharing, but life has gone full circle and my boomer coworker has gotten some ironic karma!
2 years ago I was driving into work and got into a very minor accident. I was following another car inside a roundabout (rotary, traffic circle, whatever you call it in your own area) when they suddenly slammed on their breaks in an attempt to yield for cars coming into the circle… Not the first time I’ve dealt with people violating the laws of the road in that way, but it was the first (and hopefully last) time I hit them as a result. I braked fast enough that the bump was super small. We checked and there was no visible damage and the young inexperienced RAV4 driver and I agreed to just let bygones be bygones. I was still a little agitated because it never should have happened and now I was late for work, but at least it was a civil exchange.
I get to work and I’m in a bad mood and when Boomy the coworker asked what happened I vented a little just explaining the story and how stupid the other driver’s action was. I didn’t want a yes-man or a, “oh you poor pained soul,” speech, but just a little sympathy between coworkers would’ve been nice. Just to lift my spirits a little? Nope. Instead I get a spiel about how technically I’m at fault and I shouldn’t have been so close and I should’ve filed a report and blah blah blah. Look. I’m willing to accept my own responsibilities. It’s not like I was tailgating, but clearly I was too close or not paying enough attention. By the letter of the law I as the rear ender am guilty, but it’s easy to ignore the nuance of the other person committing a dumber act that lead to it in the first place when you’re on the sideline. Just wait until it happens to you… and that’s exactly what has happened now.
Boomy drives a Porsche from the 60s. Very expensive car. She treats it better than her own son (a whole other story). Well, this morning I find out from her that the other day she rear ended someone who stopped their car when they weren’t supposed to. You guessed it; in a roundabout! This one was more damaging and she has to have the front bumper replaced. Of course she droned on and on about how stupid the other driver was and how they’re completely at fault and how she gave the guy a piece of her mind. Another older coworker who’s listening suggests it was intentional and an attempt at an insurance scam. All the while she’s completely forgotten what she said to me when I was in a similar position - if she even remembers it happened at all. I just sat in silence smiling to myself.
TLDR: I get into an accident and Boomer coworker berates me saying it’s my fault, then 2 years later gets into the same exact accident and whines that it’s not her fault.

Congrats on choosing and making it into NUS Business School! I previously wrote here: https://www.reddit.com/SGExams/comments/118r7cg/all_about_studying_business_in_nussmuntu/ on what are some factors when considering between NUS, SMU and NTU business school. For better or worse, you'll be stuck here for the next 4 years so here's some broad advice on making the best out of it.
1. Put in effort to draft out your own Study Plan; Future you will thank you
What is a study plan? Essentially, it's an outline on what modules you'll be taking throughout your 4 years in University. Especially for a business student, a study plan should go beyond "what majospecialization/double majominor". Yes, figuring what major (or majors) that you want to eventually take is the first step. The next step is also considering whether you intend to take a gap semester (i.e. leave-of-absence) to do internships (which is becoming increasingly more common place; maybe not 1 gap sem but possibly even 2!). The unfortunate truth is that many biz student realize late in Year 2/3 that they might not be as competitive as their peers and usually then seek out LOA internships and end up delaying their graduation (whether its a good or bad thing is debatable). Besides gap semesters for internships, there are student who do credit bearing internships (which counts for some credits/MCs) or even do a part-time internship during the semester while studying (Do modules on Mon and Tues, FT work of Wed, Thurs, Fri). Not every student get's their desired summer internships, and often student have to compensate by applying for Off-Cycle LOA internships.
In your study plan, you would also have to take into consideration possibly going on overseas semester exchange or even the 6M to 1 Year long NOC program if you're interested! Overloading more modules earlier in your Uni (Y1 and Y2) gives you more flexibility to adapt to changes in the future. Of course, you need to gauge yourself whether you're able to cope with the workload. (Overloading in earlier sems, mean being more free in later sems to do internships/explore other modules or minors).
Additionally, most higher-level modules have pre-requisites (mostly ACC1701). If you delay taking these pre-requisite modules, your whole study plan can be delayed by a semester. My advice is to take ACC1701 (and consequently FIN2704) earlier rather than later, because these two mods open up the other majors/specializations available to you. You'll also figure out whether you'll want to to take the finance major after taking these two modules.

1. CCAs

There's a ton of CCAs available NUS-wide or Business School related. I strongly encourage you to take multiple CCAs (importantly taking into consideration what you can manage and your workload) so that you're able to meet new people and learn new skillsets. NUSC/RCs/Hall activities also count here. The unfortunately truth is that portfolio does matter in business school, and simply being good in academics (which can be competitive in itself) isn't enough. Your GPA/CAP allows you to have your foot in the door; your portfolio and experience allows you to enter it. Consulting CCAs in general are great an improving your eye for aesthetic and detail which I recommend. You'll be surprised that many biz kids are outright bad and atrocious at making PowerPoint slides even at Year 4... I would say that the CCAs you join do shape your uni experience in a large way.

1. Group Mates

Find good friends and group mates! Those in NUSC/RCs/Halls have an easier time for this. For most of your basic core 1k modules, you group is usually randomized and you have no say on who you're working with. It is during these randomized group that you'll figure out the pain of having poor group mates, and things get worse if you're taking higher level and tougher modules alone. On this note, try to find friends that will do various modules together with you! Having friends doing the module together with you is a huge advantage, from extra resources, dead line reminders, doing quizzes/tests together etc. 5 brains working on a problem set is always better than 1 brain by itself, these 5 ppl will often get a better grade than the one hardworking individual working alone. Implicitly, those who stay on campus have a huge edge over those who don't.

1. Business is ultimately not a technical degree

Controversial to some, but business school at the end of the day doesn't really teach you much. The only thing that it does teach is showmanship (and even then sometimes not taught well enough). Business School arguably teaches you how to carry yourself well, make fancy PowerPoints, use some excel, working with people (?) etc. Many of the more relevant things you learn, you learn them in your internship and your own experiences outside of the classroom e.g. CCAs. To me, doing well in Biz School is focusing on everything outside of academics (ensuring that you have some baseline CAP/GPA).
5. Figure out early whether you prefer Excel or Power Point.
The corporate world only runs on two applications, Excel and Power Point. Dabble in both, figure out early which application you prefer more and find a relevant internship/role/job that you enjoy decently that uses one over the other. Truly, Excel and PPT are the only takeaways when you leave the university. Great consultants are adept at handling PPT, navigating through them quickly with many templates in their desktops. Finance peeps do a little more excel work and have to do them well, fast and creatively. Even at the end of uni, there are still many students who can't use excel proficiently at a high level.
6. Internship Hell is real for those who care
Internship application period in itself can be a full-time commitment (for those that care). When internship applications open, you can be going through your own interview prep, doing several recorded interviews, applying to new internships etc. Many moving parts to juggle and a lot of ground work to be done. From preparing for interview questions, writing cover letters, tailoring your CV etc alot of the hell you experience in Biz school actually comes outside of academics contrary to popular belief (as Jean-Paul puts it, "hell is other people", bad group mates im looking at you). For those applying to more technical roles, you might also need to prep extra for technical questions e.g. IB 400 questions, consulting cases, market sizing brain teasers etc.
7. Not so much of an advice, but rather a plea from me to you
I really hope business students can be more code literate and savvy i.e. being able to read (and to a lesser extent implement) coding e.g. python or SQL. ~90% of the biz population are code illiterate (having only taken just 1 "coding module"). In a normal corporate workplace, you'll never have to code. But being able to think computationally, knowing the steps you can take to automate your task, time and workflow brings you more benefits than you can imagine when most corporate work that people do are typically administrative.
In conclusion, do your best in biz school. I think effort correlates strongly to how well you do here. You don't need to be smart (it makes life easier) but with enough forward thinking and future planning, you'll be able to grow through the next 4 years (and hopefully be worth it).
Feel free to ask any question in the comments, or for any seniors to elaborate and share their own experience! Left out a lot of controversial views not wanting to trigger anyone or NUS. Edit: I'm a graduating student from Biz, later they dont let me grad how? jk
Some extra links:

1. An event calendar regularly updated by NUS Careers, usually has lots of interesting and relevant events, competitions, webinars (if that's your thing): https://nus.edu.sg/cfg/events
2. Grading rubrics to apply for SEP, there is an actual rubrics to secure an SEP, please refer for those wanting to go: https://bba.nus.edu.sg/wp-content/uploads/sites/37/2019/07/SEP-Place-Allocation-Grading-System-2018-10.pdf

The PERMA model structures the five essential elements of sustainable wellbeing. These are: Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. And, of course, we need a positive approach to our physical health. Let’s look at positive affectivity within the context of the PERMA model.
Sustainable wellbeing is an on-going issue. And there is a wealth of evidence-based insight to support us. This page considers positive affectivity. Explore what this means for you and pick up some useful tips for a happier life. For practical purposes, positive affectivity sits within the positive emotions pillar of the PERMA model. Working on this area can improve our general happiness. In turn, this makes it easier to work on the rest. Additionally, intentional actions can be implemented quickly – getting a personal development program off to a great start.
Understanding positive affectivity involves understanding the interplay of genetic factors, environmental circumstances, and intentional activities. Research led by Sonja Lyubomirsky has identified the relative influence of these factors: valuable insight for sustainable wellbeing.
Genetic Factors
Genetic factors are responsible for 30-40% of our overall positive affectivity. This acts as a stabilising influence – often referred to as ‘the happiness setpoint.’ Our genes also shape our personality traits, notably the ‘Big Five Personality Traits’. These are extraversion, neuroticism, conscientiousness, agreeableness, and openness. Each of the ‘Big Five Personality Traits’ is its own spectrum. We all have our own preferred spot on each. Extraversion is a key player as it impacts on happiness levels. The other traits contribute to satisfaction in relationships, work, and coping with stress. This doesn’t mean, however that only extraverts can be happy. Next, we’ll consider the our environmental circumstances.
Environmental Circumstances
Environmental circumstances are also a significant influence. This group of factors encompasses supportive relationships, financial stability, education, employment, religious engagement, leisure activities, health, freedom, and a pleasant living environment. For those making their way in the world, balancing financial security with meaningful leisure activities becomes crucial. The Easterlin Paradox suggests that increased wealth – beyond our normal quality of life – doesn’t always translate to increased happiness or sustainable wellbeing.
Religious practice, often overlooked, offers a structured belief system, social support, healthier lifestyles, and positive emotions through practices like prayer and meditation. This can be particularly relevant for individuals seeking a sense of purpose and community. For us agnostics, we can easily translate this in to developing our own spirituality without alignment to any organised belief system.
Leisure activities, including sports, arts, and volunteering, play a vital role in fulfilling needs for autonomy, mastery, meaning, affiliation, and detachment. For those navigating demanding careers, finding joy in leisure can act as a valuable counterbalance to work pressures. This takes on an new dimension when we consider applying our signature strengths to our every-day lives.
Adaptability and happiness become essential, particularly for individuals managing the demands of work and family life. Freedom and a pleasant living environment contribute significantly to subjective well-being. Societies supporting economic, political, and personal freedom, along with access to green spaces and panoramic views, tend to foster more cohesive societies: within which, individuals have better chances of flourishing.
Gender and age nuances show a U-shaped trajectory of well-being across the life cycle. Understanding these trends can help individuals in their 30s and 40s to navigate the challenges of middle age. This influence is at its most negative through our 30’s and then turns increasingly positive from our 40’s onwards. NB this elements’ influence is low, and there are so many other factors that can counterbalance any negative influences from this one.
Our environmental circumstances – combined – contribute to only around 10% to our long-lasting happiness. We can’t do anything about our genetic legacy: accounting for 40-50% of our positive affectivity. We can influence the circumstances of our life which account for a further approximately 10%. This brings us to the key take-away from this article.
Intentional Activities
Our intentional activities – which we can control or, at the very least, have a degree of influence over – account for 40-50 % of our positive affectivity. Pause for a moment. Reflect on this conclusion. Notice your reactions.
This leads us naturally to ask – so how can I use this insight to help develop my sustainable wellbeing?
The answers will vary between us – we’re all walking our own paths. We can find them by systematically working our way through the PERMA model and the wealth of insight Wellbeing Psychology has to offer. In no particular order, these general approaches will deliver the most returns:
· Embrace mindfulness practices
· Allocate time for meaningful connections with loved ones
· Consciously engage in activities that align with your personal values
· Create a well-defined balance between work and leisure
· Foster intentional moments of deep relaxation
· Periodically reassess and adapt your goals
· Acknowledge your accomplishments

By weaving intentional activities into our everyday routines, we can intrinsically strengthen our wellbeing while juggling life’s on-going demands.
So now, equipped with this insight, ask yourself: what will I do, today, to apply this insight to develop my sustainable wellbeing?

• On the university official website, I saw: If your visa is extended, you can apply for a program extension. Does this mean that reasons other than visa extension are not allowed?

https://preview.redd.it/t2h4n80lld1d1.png?width=1876&format=png&auto=webp&s=712a81181d64b03667fc75ee23206413fc14ccf2

• Will the school resend you an offer? to apply for a CAQ and visa?

In the days leading up to Vladimir Putin’s just-finished visit to China, speculation rippled through diplomatic circles that the Russian leader planned to tack on a trip to North Korea—a possibility that irritated Beijing, according to diplomats and other officials with knowledge of the matter.
Chinese leader Xi Jinping has felt growing unease as ties between Putin and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un—two of his most important but also most volatile international partners—have grown more intimate, the diplomats and officials said. A combined visit to China and North Korea by Putin could also have reinforced Western fears of a trilateral authoritarian axis, leaving Beijing diplomatically more isolated, they said.
To China’s relief, Putin didn’t head to Pyongyang straight from the northern Chinese city of Harbin, just some 460 miles away from the North Korean capital.
On Saturday, Putin’s spokesman Dmitry Peskov told Russia’s state news agency, TASS, that arrangements for a visit by the Kremlin leader to North Korea are progressing well. “Preparations for the visit are under way,” Peskov said. He didn’t announce a date for the planned trip.
It couldn’t be determined whether Beijing exerted any pressure on Moscow ahead of Putin’s meetings in China, his first foreign trip after starting a new term earlier this month. But the Chinese side has made clear to the Kremlin that Beijing’s preference is to develop bilateral ties, as opposed to more of a three-way alignment that Russia has previously floated.
“China is avoiding the optics of a trilateral cooperation among the three countries,” said Yun Sun, director of the China program at the Stimson Center, a Washington think tank. “The goal is to avoid being locked in by two unpredictable partners.”
Putin in September accepted an invitation from Kim to visit North Korea. An analyst from the Russian International Affairs Council think tank in Moscow, which has close ties to the Kremlin, wrote in a recent analysis that after the meeting with Xi, the Russian leader “will consider the possibility of visiting a number of other non-Western capitals,” including Pyongyang.
The diplomatic dance among the three countries, which share an interest in dulling the U.S.’s influence in the world, has grown more complicated as Kim has sought to reduce his country’s reliance on China—most dramatically by wooing Putin with public support and weapons for the Russian war effort.
Since Beijing and Moscow declared a “no-limits friendship” just weeks before Russia’s invasion of Ukraine in February 2022, China and Russia have built on a trade relationship that has become a lifeline to Putin in the face of Western sanctions. Washington and its European allies say China has helped Russia revive its military production by providing it with drone engines and other dual-use material—products Beijing labels as part of its “normal trade.”
Still, facing pressure from the Biden administration, Xi has refrained from offering weapons to Putin, according to U.S. and Ukrainian officials.
As the Russian war against Ukraine turns into a drawn-out conflict, Putin has instead turned to North Korea to help restock his depleted armory. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin told lawmakers earlier this month that North Korea’s munitions and missiles helped the Russians “get back up on their feet.”
Both countries have denied arms exchanges, including a rebuttal from Kim’s sister issued in state media on Friday.
Russia and North Korea have kept Beijing in the dark about what was discussed when Putin and Kim met for a rare summit in the fall, leading Chinese diplomats to ask their Western counterparts about what was agreed between the duo, according to people familiar with the matter.
Beijing worries that Russia might help China’s erratic neighbor build up its nuclear capabilities, the people said.
Russian analysts who follow Moscow’s relations with Pyongyang said Kim’s visit to Russia last year was a landmark event that allowed North Korea to overcome its foreign policy isolation and Russia to continue its pivot to the East.
“China is very worried about this new entente,” said Dennis Wilder, a former U.S. intelligence officer and now a fellow at Georgetown University.
Wilder noted that Beijing, while not willing to try to slow the Kim regime’s missile or satellite launches, has appeared to weigh in to persuade Pyongyang to hold back from conducting another nuclear test. “China wants a North Korea that presents a latent threat in Northeast Asia while maintaining the status quo,” he said.
Putin last visited Pyongyang in 2000 when he went for discussions with Kim’s father, Kim Jong Il, in a trip that was telegraphed by Moscow as demonstrating to the West the reluctance of the Kremlin to join the collective ostracizing of North Korea. On that trip, Putin traveled directly to Pyongyang from Beijing.
Analysts who follow Russian-North Korean relations say Kim has to tread carefully because he needs to preserve ammunition stocks for the defense of his own nation should there be an all-out war on the Korean Peninsula. But Kim is eager to have Putin in his corner, as a possible resource for improving his missile and nuclear programs, the analysts said.
“Broadly speaking they have immediate desires of each other,” Derek Grossman, a senior defense analyst at the global policy think tank and research institute Rand, said of Putin and Kim. “So it is, I think, a quid pro quo, if you want to look at it through the lens of the war in Ukraine and the lens of what North Korea wants to do vis-à-vis South Korea and Japan and the U.S.”
One reason why Xi didn’t want Putin to add Pyongyang to his itinerary following his trip to China lies with Beijing’s strategic intention to prevent China from being grouped into an axis that could deepen a demarcation in geopolitics—particularly in Northeast Asia, with China, Russia and North Korea on one side and Japan, South Korea and the U.S. on the other.
It is little secret in either Beijing or Pyongyang that the relationship between Xi and Kim is less trusting than the ties previous Chinese leaders had with Kim’s father, who was more intent on maintaining stability while challenging the West. The younger Kim since coming to power in 2011 has carried out more than triple the number of missile tests than his father and grandfather combined.
Those kinds of activities make China nervous because Beijing is eager to maintain the strategic buffer zone in North Korea in relation to South Korea, which is aligned with the U.S. and Japan. To do this, Beijing needs stability.
But Kim looks like he is more willing “to rock the boat” than his father, which worries Beijing, Rand’s Grossman said.
During Putin’s latest visit to China, he and Xi issued a joint statement with a relatively lengthy section accusing the U.S. of escalating tensions on the Korean Peninsula. The statement urged Washington to “abandon intimidation, sanctions and suppression” of North Korea.
The Chinese and Russian leaders also pledged to intensify their cooperation. Andrew Belousov, the new Russian defense minister, was with Putin on this trip, which analysts say signaled military cooperation likely was at the top of the Russian’s leader’s agenda. In recent months, Moscow has spoken of the benefits of stepping up joint military exercises between the two countries.
For Moscow, what Pyongyang can provide beyond the war in Ukraine is limited, and strengthening the bilateral relationship with Beijing for economic support will be much more valuable to Putin, said John Everard, a former U.K. ambassador to North Korea and Belarus.
“North Korea is not a priority for Putin,” Everard said. “North Korea is just having a wild fling with Russia.”
https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/world/ar-BB1mDStd

This happened about 2 years ago, and we are still no contact because of this issue. Protagonists: my mother (F72), who had 8 dogs at the moment of the event, and I (F39)
A little bit of background:
My mother was a horrible mom to me. She didn't like me very much. When she went out for the weekend going on agility tournaments (dog sport competitions) with my sisters and their dogs, she would leave me alone at home without any money or food. I was lucky when I could find some oats in a cupboard and eat them with water.
As a kid growing up I thought we were just poor, but as an adult I understand she just blew all her money on these tournaments and the trips to them (including gas money and hotel costs as well as the registration fees for the runs).
When I was sick, she never took me to the doctor's. She just didn't care enough about me. I grew up in Germany, going to the doctor's would have been free for her. But it was too much of a hassle to care for a sick child.
On the other hand, she would of course go to the vet as soon as one of her dogs were ill. The dogs were vaccinated, I was not. I wasn't important enough to get vaccinations.
After running away from home with 16, I didn't have much contact to my mother for a long time.
A few years ago, around 2018, I made a conscious effort to mend our relationship. Or to create a relationship at all.
I live about 1000 km away from her in another country, so we mostly called each other. I took the main part in calling her because she is very poor and inter-country calls are very expensive. Her old-age pension is ridiculously low (about 800 Euros, roughly 870 USD per month).
We talked a lot, and I had the feeling we were getting close for the first time in my whole life. It felt good. I finally had the feeling of having a mother. We talked about major events in our life. I shared with her how I was managing to get out of dept (my restaurant went under, and I had a lot of debt to repay).
She was very aware of how much I make and that I was working two fulltime jobs at the same time to pay back my debt. And she also knew how demanding and tiring the workload was for me, but how proud I was of myself.
Now to the event:
One day in October 2022 my mother called me with joy and excitement in her voice.
She said: 'I have a fantastic idea, but I need your help!'
I was excited about her obvious happiness and asked eagerly what it was about and how I could help her.
She: 'There is this dog in the rescue center of your sister. I thought you could buy it for me. You would pay all the big bills like the buying price and the vet. I would provide food and the dog would be living with me up until I am to weak too hold her any longer. Then your dog would be living with you.'
I needed a moment to process this ridiculous proposal. I asked to be sure I understood everything correctly: 'So I would buy the dog, it would be living with you, but I would have to pay any bigger costs for the dog? And in a few years I will have to take it in?'
She, delighted: 'Yes! Isn't that an awesome idea?'
I: 'No, absolutely not. I don't have any spare money. I can't provide for a dog which isn't even mine, and you already have 8 dogs! You are broke, you can't buy yourself good food. You can't provide for the dog, either.'
(English isn't my first language. I told her the points nicely. If it's sounding harsh that's because of my bad translation.)
She went quiet. Then said she had to go and hung up.
I tried calling her a couple of times over the next few weeks. She didn't take my calls nor did she call me back.
Christmas came and went. No call from my mom, no letter, nothing. My birthday came. Still radio silence.
I called a last time at her birthday last year and she picked up. She talked 15 minutes about herself, I couldn't get a word in. She didn't ask how I was doing, nothing. When we ended the call, I knew the relationship was over.
So, that's how I lost my mom for good. Because I didn't want to buy her a ninth dog.
TLDR: My mother wanted me to buy her an additional dog and to cover all bigger costs for the dog as well. When I refused, she basically ghosted me.

a friend and i had a minor fall out, i was talking about with other people and they told. the friend decided they wanted a break and for me to no longer speak or contact. I was not sure of all that had been said or what happened. I eventually avoided them as requested. at school i would go down a different hall or try to walk in a different way and friend groups etc. Eventually this person would still come by me. for example if I went down a different hall they would follow. If they saw me coming they would hold the door and make small talk like good morning. They would join in with friend groups and almost intentionally stand by me. They would talk as if nothing happened.
So I took this as a sign that maybe that were ready to be friends again or even hang out. I got jealous and offended when they didn't respond about hanging out again and talking with me as I felt it would be helpful to discuss what happened and maybe have closure. I ended up calling them something which I know isn't true and was below the belt. They were I'm sure offended and possibly hurt by it.
Since then they seem back to hating me but also took it a step further by sharing a personal email about someone with several people-which basically lead to me getting into trouble. I feel this was set up and done intentionally as sort of a payback/get even especially since it was right after the comment I made. This person still will sometimes talk to me like ask if I need help or watch me and 'check on me' in a way to see if I am there. When I was sick they were one of the first to send a message and seemed to genuinely care but at the same time they can say and do mean things (like the letter) so I can't tell if it's all an act!

Hey, so I've been using FL Studio in order to create more dynamic mumble-speak esque voicelines for my games (for those not familiar with the specific term, it's the Banjo Kazooie 'every letter is a different toned SFX' approach). I originally did it this way so I could manually create a few specific 'audio phrases' using the SFX of choice, pitched up and down to communicate mood and intonation.
However, I want to go a little further, and I'd like advice on how I should go about this, as an amateur audio engineer.
Right now, I've mostly just been importing the 'voices' of specific characters into FL studio, fiddling around with the settings until I like it. However, I don't really like how my 'voicelines' are just one note/tone, and I wanted to add more into the mix. I want to do this by effectively, getting more samples from whatever I was using as the character's 'voice' and thus creating different syllables for them.
Problem is, I'm not sure how I should go about this more efficiently in FL Studio's workflow. I've previously just used one track per voiceline, but I'm not sure how I can coordinate multiple different instruments on the same track as I'm very inexperienced with music/sound software.
I'm not even sure if it's possible to have multiple instruments on the same track - but the process of switching back and forth on the instruments to try and coordinate it sounds like a really tiring affair, as if I want to make even the most minute change, I'd have to flip between two tracks over and over to make adjustments. Am I missing something? Either way, I hope someone can point me toward a better approach.

Took advantage of yesterday's lovely weather and headed out along NCR75 with the intention of going as far as I could in training for the Five Ferries later this summer, and getting the train back.
I picked up a pair of dhb Dorica MTB shoes from eBay, and spent my £40 of confused.com reward vouchers on a pair of Shimano EH500 hybrid pedals (sometimes take the bike to work so wanted double sided pedals). Not sure I felt much difference from a power point of view, although there were a few times when I felt my right foot lifting and my left foot catching "up" on it's down stroke. Probably get a better comparison on a shorter route that I know. Probably was because it's new and I was very conscious of it, but had no issues remembering to clip out, and the combination of the MTB cleats and the channel of the shoes made it very easy to clip in. With the dual sided pedals it was also easy enough to get away from lights etc and then flip the pedal and clip in later.
Lastly, I asked here a few weeks back about drink options and as you can make a custom tasting pack I elected to give Torq a shot. Bought 2 each of the Berry, Lemon and Tangerine drinks, 1 each of the Blackcurrant, Lime Lemon, Lemon and Cola energy drinks and a few gels and flapjacks to make it up to 15 items and get a 10% discount.
Overall quite impressed. I usually like strong flavours, and these are quite subtle, but refreshing. Think more like flavoured water such as Volvic touch of fruit, the Lemon hydration drink for example is quite sharp tasting like cloudy lemonade. Haven't tried all of them yet but IMO worth a shot, and the custom tasting pack option means you don't have to buy a big bag of something you might not like or buy a bottle (my other pet hate with such things, got so many High5 bottles cos their sample packs are always on offer!). Haven't tried the gels yet but the flapjacks are tasty, although the 2 I had (carrot cake and ginger) pretty much tasted the same.

The first one is I (3-4 female at the time) was picked up by my mom's the en boyfriend at the time (21-22 male at the time) from the head start program in my neighborhood which is to teach kids as early as 3 years old. I got in trouble that day for telling a kid who we will can Devon to fuck off because he had been bullying me ever since school started that year. When I got home my mom's then boyfriend whooped my ass because of me cursing and my mom came home and told him he wasn't my father and that he wasn't allowed to put his hands on me. Then that night it was around maybe 11PM I was in the bathroom using the bathroom and after I was done I decided to go through the cabinet under the sink because I had never seen what was under there before. I found a little tape and didn't know what it was but all I knew was the film could come out and I had hella fun taking it out. Reminder I was 3-4 at the time I didn't know better. My mom's then boyfriend caught me and was fuming like if smoke could come out of his ears it would've. He snatched the tape out of my hand and tired to fix it but when he couldn't he picked me up by the cooler of my shirt and tossed me into my room which is kind of right in front on the bathroom. (Which is now his daughter's room.) And I slid and hid my head on my dresser which right in front of my window right across from the bedroom door. And my mom heard the commotion and took me to the doctors and I got stitches. Oh and they're not together now but he still lives with us, my mom gave birth to his first and only child in 2020. He's only here to be apart of her life and help around with the house.
The send story is again when I was younger but only a bit older I had to be around 6 because I was in first grade. I went to school on he bus like I usually did and got my breakfast on the way there. This is were I mention I'm a person of color and the following people I'm about to mention weren't in the slightest. I got both apple juice and orange juice. This group of boys who sat at a table not too far away from me asked me if I wanted to join their little "apple juice race" as they called it. I told them a clear no and they kept trying to insist until I started ignoring them. I naturally drink everything I drink super fast and my teacher who happened to be standing behind me heard everything and I finished breakfast as I normally did but when I was done she pulling me out of the class room aboutthe conversation and I told her that they wouldn't leave me alone and I naturally drink things fast and she could ask me my mom. She thought I told them no but still joined without them knowing and I kept denying it and instead of listening to the crying little girl telling the truth she went with her own thought and gave me detention but the boys who were engaging in peer pressure didn't and here it's literally against the law. So I had to stay after school and my mom picked me up after finding out I had detention and when I explained what happened all she said was "It's a choking hazard so it may have worried her." But that's not a good reason at all to give someone detention that's on my record for life now. I told some people as I got older and they were saying because I'm a child of color she was profiling and she was being racist. I'm not sure though. If she some how find out abt this fuck you Mrs. Fowly I hope your daughter breaks a limb or two. :3 You've literally scared me for life hope ya happy.
So what do you think is his PTSD? Or am I tweekin?

I’m a foreign trained dentist with a life long goal to eventually continue studying in the USA, via Advanced Standing DMD/DDS programs.
Just to give context I had to seek refuge from war at my home country along with my family, which affects me unfortunately in 2 ways:
First one is that it’s much harder for me to obtain an F-1 Visa exclusively for INBDE as my intention to return will be questioned.
Second one is that with all finances suddenly suspended I have to look for opportunities that may grant the least amount of income to only sustain myself and family, like no-tuition GPR’s with stipend.
I deeply apologize for having to mention too much personal details, but as I’m trapped between the inability of testing for INBDE and the need of income, I find my options extremely limited. To a level where I stopped finding answers online.
Few GPR webpages show salaries or benefits, or I may be looking somewhere wrong, that’s why I’m reverting to all dear colleagues on this platform.
If you happen to know any search tool, reference, contact, program, internship, or any piece of information or advice feel free to share here or DM me, I’m at your disposal. You’ll be bringing much needed guidance.

I found out I was pregnant in October 2022, and in July 2023 I’ve delivered my little girl the whole time I had my insurance from my employer that I had had for years. My husband had picked up insurance on me as a secondary insurance. I had no problems with billing the entire time I was pregnant. I had to see specialist have extra scans, bloodwork, etc. anytime I had anything to pay out of pocket. I did so in office and then after my daughter was born, I went for my check up. I was told I had an outstanding balance, which didn’t make sense because I always paid so I followed up and come to find out my primary insurance that had paid all my bills had unpaid everything. I had never heard of this so I I tried to get a hold of the insurance company, but I had already terminated the insurance as I did not go back to work after I gave birth. They did not want to speak with me because I no longer remember and give them my information. Finally I found my member number. I was able to talk to someone explain the situation to them. They argued with me. I told them that this was my primary it always has been. Why would they pay my bills? I never got any answer they told me they would put it down as a dispute And a request for repayment, but I was never sent a letter or informed them paying any bills. They’ve never told me if they are going to cover any of the bill. I’ve tried to call back and talk to someone but I just had to keep telling the same story over and I never get anywhere. I’m getting bills and collection notices for other doctors offices. Come to find out they have unpaid every bill. They have paid from the date that I took a pregnancy test at the doctor, but I was never informed of anything. Just bills and collection notices. How should I resolve this? Should I reach out to a lawyer or should I write them a letter? If so, would anyone have any sample letters? I could try to follow my credit score is in the 805 have worked very hard to get it there and I don’t want the years worth of medical bills piling up. Also, my daughter is 10 months old now I’m worried that my insurance is going to tell me. I’ve waited too long to dispute this, but I’ve tried to contact them over the phone several times and I get nowhere with them.

About 2 weeks ago my dad (90) was taken into the hospital (which is a whole tale by itself) with a blood glucose of 500. He had been living by himself with little to no help except me (43) nearby.
He was kept for a week and that whole week it was a constant stream of begging for a lawyer, telling anyone he could that his constitutional rights were being violated, and how could I allow them to do this to him. They had to unplug his phone because he kept calling 911 and he threw a fit and pushed some staff (not to hurt, just to get in trouble) to try to get arrested so he would get a lawyer then got mad when hospital security came (which he called the gestapo).
Every day, I asked about a capacity assessment, they never did one but up and down the documents it says that he does not have capacity to make medical decisions at this time. Diagnosis was metabolic encephalopathy, which I had never heard of, but okay. He has refused to take metformin or lisinopril in the 2 months I've been getting involved in his medical care. "Dementia" was not mentioned one time in his hospital records.
We knew in home care wasn't going to be an option (another separate tale which I may already have posted about). We had been checking out a few ALFs in the weeks prior so I picked one and we moved him in. I took him myself to get him there the quickest. Things were a little rough because he had some GI issues.
He called me that night with the nurses in the room trying to get him to take his medication (the above and Seroquel, which he had been taking in the hospital). In desperation, I told him I would not come the next day if he didn't take it. He was not pleased but he took it.
The next day I was told as soon as I came in that he refused again this morning. We had a whole talk about it and he was adamant and then he getting wild and said he was leaving. I told him, I'm so sorry dad but you cant leave on your own. Oh my god. What a mess.... He pushed me out of the way and stormed down the hall looking for exits it was a whole thing. I was not helping and the staff member we were working with told me it was okay to go. About an hour later they called and said they had to call 911. He was getting physical (he isn't fat, but hes on the taller end and REALLY strong) and could not be redirected. He urinated on himself then dropped his pants and defecated on the patio.
So less than 24 hours after leaving he was right back in the hospital. This time they said they had diagnosed him as having dementia (lie), but also that even if he doesn't have capacity that he can't be forced to memory care (they even consulted the hospital ethics department). He is adamant that he does not want to go anywhere he isn't "free" but when I try to talk through what going home looks like he shuts down. I contacted Dad's lawyer and he said "this is bizarre" -- There's an AMD and we just need the capacity letters from the doctors to have it enacted otherwise any person with dementia can just say they don't feel like doing XYZ.
There's also an interloper involved that may have good intentions but is not helping. The hospital was going to release him to her 24/7 care. I don't even know this person, I've talked to her once on the phone and she's only gotten the version that my dad is giving her (he doesnt remember either of the events that relates to how he got to the hospital). The geriatric doctor that came in told me she has never said this but she has never been so uncomfortable with someone being in the room. Dad referred to this person as his fiancee to nurses yesterday morning, but when I asked him in the afternoon he said it was completely platonic but due to much restraint on his part.
(In home care isn't an option, over the last 6 months we have had at least 20 caregivers. Most don't last the day, maybe 3 have lasted more than one day. He becomes sexually inappropriate or propositions them or gets curious if they do things he doesn't want them to do or does them incorrectly in his opinion.)
I have never been so tired.

I am not sure if I’ve just developed a fear of needles. I had a Tele-consult today and the doctor advised me to get CBC test as symptoms are getting worse and depends on the diagnosis I might need Dextrose injections again. Hearing it made me feel terrified and nauseous.
I am used to getting shots and blood samples after getting hospitalized many times last year (a couple this year too). I have a high pain tolerance but the thought of it (needle) piercing through my skin again then onto my veins makes me feel dizzy and anxious :(. It’s as if needles make people suffer:(
How did you guys get over this fear? I know I need the test for proper treatment but I could not push myself this time. It’s ridiculous that I am even crying over this.

Hello all, I’m writing here full of anxiety and it seems I just can’t stop crying.
In December 15th, my mom got a huge spike of fever, every time she ate, her body temperature went under the roof. She finally agreed to call an ambulance. After 16hs at the hospital we heard a diagnosis - perforated diverticulitis in several places, emergency surgery and colostomy needed. She went through it, spend 5 days not knowing she will live or die. She spend two weeks in a hospital. Seeing my mom this way, scared, hopeless, weak, was the hardest thing I had to witness. My heart shattered in million pieces, but I’m so so glad she was alive.
Once we got home, after rehabilitation, things started to go back to normal step by step. Still taking antibiotics, but she was up and about. One hell of a strong woman my mom is!. But to our surprise - temperature rise again - her incision wound got infected. Another round of antibiotics - no success. As we live in a small town, healthcare system could not do as many tests as she needed - I brought her back to my place to the capital of the country and brought her to the er - 10 cm capsule of infected puss under her surgical incision. They cut it out and took a sample - three different gut bacteria’s were living under her skin. Three different antibiotics to fight it off- for 40 fucking days. I seen my mom cry, I see her face and the words “I’m so tired of being sick” was hurting the most. But finally, April 3rd - mom crp levels were back to normal.
We found a best doctor in an area, and went to meet him. His empathy hypnotised us - mom got scheduled for a reversal surgery May 17th. As she said - it was easier the first time - all the anxiety and waiting for the surgery, thinking about complications, dreaming of shitting herself in front of the class ( she is a biology teacher) everything seemed like too much. As mom and i are best friends, we are a team, I could feel her anxiety, but not imagine what she went through and still had to go through.
She got her colostomy reversal surgery 48 hours ago. As she said, she cannot compare it with the first time, it’s much easier. Also, she passes gas every time she moves (today was the first time she stood up and went to the bathroom and passed some mucous!). Her temperature is a bit elevated, but nurses said it’s fine and expected after such surgery. but I’m so scared we have to go through the same path again - long and painful reabilitation, shitloads of antibiotics, mom losing all her hope and I’m unable to help :(
My mom is in her 60s. No illnesses apart from this situation, all her blood work is better than mine (I’m 28) 😅 she is so strong and I’m so proud of her, but also so soooo scared.
Maybe someone been in similar situation regarding this journey? How can I help my mom? Is it as hard to recover form reversal as it is from original surgery? What she can expect? I need some insights I’m so lost and want to be the best for my mom and her recovery journey.