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A few years ago during that time when I was in high school, me and my ex friend went to different schools, I wanted to go to the same school as her but I couldn't since it was too far.
I told her that I couldn't go to the same school but she told me she was glad I didn't go to the same place as her because if I did, me and her wouldn't be friends at all.
You know the reason why she said that? She said if I went there, other people would take me away from her and that she would hate me which I found that stupid. Fast forward a few years later I had a boyfriend during college (he's now an ex) When I went out to town with my family, she called to me crying (while I was in a resturant) because apparently I've been ghosting her and ignoring her saying I've been too busy to even talk.
During this time I was struggling with my mental health, my relationship and college, She would start arguments with me saying I don't have time for her, not texting back saying I'm drifting away from her. Not to mention she wrote a poem about me(I have the poem on my phone) , I didn't know what to say and she asked you're not mad I wrote a poem about you? You won't sue me right?
And I was like it's fine but in my head it wasn't fine. She would make it about herself, I listened to her constantly complaining and she would trauma dump the past. She brought up the fact I didn't turn up to choir practice while I was getting bullied.
She blamed me for that not the girl who bullied me, not to mention she and the bully were friends on Facebook, the girl who bullied me would talk trash about me to her and she would tell me the horrible things the bully said about me, I was so hurt and betrayed yet I still kept her as a friend.
2 years go by and this was before Covid hit, the day she arrived I took her to my dance practice so she could watch before my day. She complained saying that she's tired, didn't take her meds, telling me she wasted her money to come visit me. I was embarrassed when she was having a tantrum infront of everyone that I had to take her somewhere else.
It felt like a burning iron everytime she complained I was flustered and I felt tired just by listening to her. On the evening the day before my birthday party, there was no food at the house since my mother was busy preparing for my debut. She hasnt eaten food or taken her meds but blamed me again, so we both had to walk to mcdonalds in the evening around 8pm just for her to eat.
The day of my birthday party, everything was going well, I introduced her to my college friends and others but after the party we went back to our rooms getting ready for bed, she asked me why didn't you introduce me to those boys? Why didn't you spend time with me? I didn't know what to say anymore because I was tired genuinely that we didn't talk until morning.
Then after a few days I haven't heard from her, She was talking to one of my guy friends but the thing is she would only talk to me if she had problems with him and would come crying in call and texting me about it. I have been reassuring her every time she had problems with my guy friend and it was tiring, he even mentioned to me she was controlling and bossy and he was right .
I never complained about anything between me and her but she wanted to make problems that I didn't talk to her or wasn't talking to her enough, I gave her space and I gave myself space but she still complained why I didn't message her but I did several times but in other days I wouldn't talk to her because I was scared.
I never talked about my mental problems and my trauma with my SA past to her because she'll make me feel worse and trauma dump and mention the past about me leaving her repeatedly when I was bullied by the same girl she was friends with.
I wanted to cut ties with her but I was afraid that she will get mad at me because she had issues with her behaviour for always getting angry and shouting at me when we get into an argument in call and would blame me.
But I was genuinely afraid at the same time losing my only friend because I had no one else to talk to. After a month or two I was messaging her and she brought up the vaccine topic, during that time she was a student nurse and I didn't really want to talk about it but she insisted telling me I should take the vaccine. If I didn't take it apparently I would affect her "family, friends and patients" but what about me? What am I to her? Me and her live in different cities 1 hr away from each other, so how can I affect them if I live so far away? That doesn't make sense.
She told me If I didn't take it she told me people would think I'm a dirty pest and a scumbag.
I was so done, honestly so done after she posted our private conversation on her private story but apparently she deleted it afterwards just for me to see? Not sure if I believe that. I blocked her on every social media and after that I felt better, the heavy burden I held for so long was gone. I was happier without her.
I never even got birthday gifts from her even when I gave hers every year so I stopped gifting her. I wasted 9 years of friendship and stopped trusting people after that.

Hey there just wanted to share my experience a week later to show people what to expect and how I’ve handled my situation
7 days ago I was messaged from an account with 400 followers and roughly 200 following, account was on Instagram and was supposedly a 19 year old girl from Nevada with bible verses in her bio
She texted me, I was suspicious and somehow she managed to convince me it was really her and even sent photos holding up 4 fingers which I thought for sure would let me know I was being scammed - but after asking a few ways of photo verification I was convinced as my requests were fulfilled
Yada yada yada we exchange pics and I get hit with the ultimatum of send $800 or have my pictures sent to my family and friends (they had screenshots of my following from tiktok, Facebook and instagram).
I’ve never been in this situation before so of course I was frightened but I felt the best thing to do was convince them I genuinely had no money, I managed to convince the scammer I only had $150 in my account (I have 2 bank accounts and this one had $200 in it so I transferred $150 into an empty savings account to show) and I stupidly sent the money. If I knew then what I know now I would not have sent the money. After sending the money my phone died and when I turned it on I came back to multiple threats and more screenshots of the scammer making group chats with many family members and friends. After reading up on what to do and looking through this subreddit I decided to block on both instagram and my phone number (I gave them my phone number as they wanted to talk over messenger instead)
After blocking, I changed my profile picture to black, changed my account name and deleted my bio, I also deleted my tiktok as I don’t really have a need for it anyways
It took 4 days for them to reach out again over a different phone number except it was a different person and they had no clue about my situation as they thought I was still in school and they were threatening things to do with the principal of the school (I’m 22 lol)
I immediately blocked and haven’t responded - I went to instagram to check if I’d been messaged again there and turns out the original account that scammed me had been deleted so that was a plus
I asked some friends who were supposedly in the group chats and they said they never saw a request so I believe somehow they fake the group chats even if it’s on instagram
But yeah it’s now been 7 days since the initial text, it took about 4 days for me to realise they have nothing over me and if I don’t comply there’s a very high chance they’ll do fuck all so even though I can’t be 100%, I feel 99% certain they won’t do anything
TL-DR ;
I sent $150, blocked and reported and nothing came from it Was messaged days later from a different scammer with my pictures and immediately blocked The people they made group chats with to threaten me have assured me they haven’t even seen a message request As stressful as the situation is, these people think of us as dollar signs and if we block them and give them no feedback - we turn into question marks and question marks are worth fuck all to these people so they move on
My best piece of advice I can give after doing research and experiencing it myself ; Block, report and don’t even respond to the messages I sent them money, I also blocked them and will continue to do so with confidence they won’t do anything
Stay safe everyone and trust me when I say no girl just wants to exchange nudes for nothing, it’s either a scammer or it’s a cruel prank xoxo

My (ex)fiancé and I had been together for almost 6.5 years, engaged for almost 2.5. Over the last several months, my (ex)fiancé has sat me down to talk about our relationship about once a month. Before these conversations, he would shut down and barely speak to me for several days even when I would ask what was wrong. Then he would finally tell me he was ready to have a conversation and would express his frustrations with the relationship. By the time of our conversations, I would already be on the defensive from his recent behavior. I also generally do not receive feedback well. When he would try to tell me that he was unhappy in our relationship because I didn't compliment him enough, flirt with him enough, or tell him I loved him enough, I would shut down. I was not able to hear what he was really trying to tell me. Instead, I put up a wall and told him to love me for who I am. I basically asked him "If I'm happy in our relationship despite my frustrations, why can't you be?" I now realize that is not an appropriate or healthy response when your partner is trying to communicate with you.
I did try to hear him. I gifted him some lingerie for the first time and let him take a boudoir photo shoot of me wearing it. I started sending a few more cute messages. I tried to make more time to cuddle with him when he would ask. I tried to give him more hugs. I tried to thank him more for picking up around the house. I wrote him a cute letter and surprised him with a few gifts for Easter. However, about a month ago, we had another one of those conversations. Except this time the first things he brought up were 'wondering what else is out there' and talking about how other girls are always complimenting him. Again came the walls and extra defensiveness. I ended up writing him a letter talking about how I didn't know if I could ever be what he wanted me to be and that maybe he should think about calling things off. This was obviously a defense mechanism to try to beat him to the punch line and talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. Three weeks later he would sit me down and tell me he wanted to know what else was out there again and that he didn't know if he could go through with marrying me. My efforts did not feel like enough for him and I understand why. I was having a hard time connecting my emotions with my actions which made my actions seem reactionary and not genuine or provoked by love.
I have been through a lot more trauma in my life than I realized. My dad was in the Navy while I was growing up. We had to move every three years. A very pivotal point in my life was when we moved when I was in the 6th grade. I lived right next door to my best friend. I was finding my love for math and theater. I also played soccer and was a Girl Scout. When we moved, I became very depressed, though I didn't understand that's what it was at the time. I stopped all of my extracurricular activities. I stopped getting too close to people because I knew I would have to move or they would have to move eventually. I mostly stayed in my room and kept to myself, even from my family. I also have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Then, in my senior year of high school, I got my first-ever boyfriend. We were in a relationship for over 4 years. In that relationship, I would always be the one to try to talk about our problems. I would be the one who would always want longer hugs and more cuddles. But it was not a healthy relationship. We broke up and got back together many times. I found several illicit texts to other girls on multiple occasions and he would always gaslight me by saying his younger brother stole his phone or I misinterpreted the messages. I think this caused me not to want to show my emotions because it wasn't reciprocated and resulted in heartache. Then, three years ago my younger brother died in a tragic car accident at the age of 17.
When I realized I could lose the love of my life, I realized that he was right about me not being affectionate enough. I had built up walls to protect myself. I thought I had made progress on my anxiety and depression, but I realized I was wrong. I also realized that I have issues with communication, trust, and vulnerability. I was a great partner in other ways and I did express my love in other ways. I moved across the country, coast to coast, with him to a state where I didn't know anyone so that he could attend his dream school. I take care of the household. I get the majority of the groceries. I do all of the cooking. I do all of the maintenance cleaning. I take care of our 2 cats and 1 dog. I say all of those in the present tense because we currently still live together but are sleeping in separate rooms. I also financially supported him by lending him money and letting him pay less of the rent because I made more money. I accept all of him including that he has terrible time management skills, he can have a hard time controlling his emotions at times, and he is disorganized and messy. I also accepted that I would have to wait for marriage and children because of his school and accepted that he did not have a lot of free time between school, work, and his hobbies. I supported his love for his hobbies by accepting his purchasing of expensive equipment even when he owed me money, traveling to watch several events that were important to him, and traveling to see him win an award from his job. I would write heartfelt cards for every holiday. I also bought him dozens of children's books about love that I wanted us to read to our children one day.
When I realized I could lose him, I felt something change inside me. It was like I could feel a hole being blown in the wall I had built up. I felt all my love for him overwhelm me. I couldn't hug him, kiss him, or tell him I love him enough. I tried to talk to him to apologize for my behavior and how badly I'd hurt him. I tried to explain how I felt like a different person and how I really wanted to work hard on improving myself as a partner to make our relationship work. I tried to prove my words with actions. I wrote a list of things I needed to work on including communication and being more affectionate. I also wrote out a list of ways to work on those things and actually started doing the things on the list. Some of the items I had already begun to do like hug and kiss him more and tell him I love him more. I also tried to ask more questions about his interests/hobbies/day. I was more vulnerable and talked with him about my feelings more. I even initiated intimacy, something I had really only done once in a blue moon when I was intoxicated. I also set up my individual therapy sessions.
Despite all of my efforts, over the next two weeks, he continued to say he did not know if he could be with me and wanted to know what else was out there. He was very wavering and said multiple times "I don't know what the right decision is." He said he could not trust that my changes would last and that it was probably too late. I begged him to try couples therapy, but he refused and said "Therapy takes too long" and basically said it wasn't worth the time. He finally broke up with me after 2 weeks of going back and forth and I was devastated. He later talked to a mutual friend of ours and changed his mind about therapy. I was so happy to hear that he had changed his mind. However, now I feel like I can't even trust him anymore. He's turning into a person I don't recognize and I don't know what he's capable of anymore. I don't know if the man I love still exists. When he told me he was now agreeable to try therapy he said "We're still broken up, but I won't talk to any other girls." and then promptly said "And it will give me more time to find a place to live if things don't work out." He deleted several Instagram posts that had photos of me after he agreed to try therapy which makes me think he's not actually that open to healing our relationship. He complained to me about how he might have to take out student loans after I told him he needed to pay me for half of the rent while we're broken up and not decreased rate he had been paying me. He also "checked on me" on the night of the 3rd year anniversary of my brother's death when he heard me crying. Then he just sat on the end of the bed scrolling his phone while I cried as if he was checking on me because he felt like he had to and not because he wanted to. When I asked him if he had some sort of deadline in mind for the therapy, because he had previously mentioned that it takes too long, he said July or August and I have a suspicion that is because a girl he likes is leaving for summer break but will be back at the end of August for the next semester.
I just feel like the way he has been acting is not how you act towards someone you were in a relationship with for almost 6.5 years. Especially after saying you still love them and have no negative feelings towards them. That means even though you don't think you are a good relationship match, you should still want to treat them with respect. You should care that they are hurting during this time. You should want to comfort them in their grief of a separate event. You should mean it if you say you want to try therapy.
TL; DR : Do you think therapy will help?

/ Hayes’ pov /
When Solene’s large sable orbs locked on mine, time stopped, the past five years of pain fell away. Her supple rosy lips upturned and slightly parted- the same way they had before. The same lips I fell in love with. She was beautiful, the same stand out features and subtle curves.
It felt as if gravity was pulling me closer, each step unconscious. With our toes nearly touching, every nerve ending in my body urged me to touch her, to tuck a stray strand of hair away.
“Hi.” Her voice velvety and deep, slightly hoarse.
Unsure of what to say I began to speak, “H- wh- how are you?” The future of whatever could be depended on the next few moments, and I didn’t even know where to begin.
Solene felt the same way, it was evident in her tone, “I’m well, not much has changed, I’m slightly older…” she let out a weak laugh “and Izzy is a sophomore in college. He-“.
“That’s gre-“ I began. “Sorry you go ahead.” I could feel my cheeks pinken.
“I was just going to ask if you’d like to sit and chat, I have time before my client arrives and it would be nice to talk.” Her tone was unreadable, I’d hoped she’d wanted me to say yes.
With a nod of my head, she turned on her heels; her now chin length hair fanning out slightly.
————————————————————————————— Once we reach the offices, Tracy peeks her head out of her office and smirks “Ah hello Adonis.” The comment although to me is more geared toward Solene.
“Tracy, don’t you have some art to purchase or someone else’s awkward moment to make worse.” Solene rolls her eyes, the same mischievous sparkle apparent.
With a small smile, I duck into Solene’s office. Taking in the familiar-small- space, I smile, not much has changed. Photographs of Izzy through out the years, multiple paintings from artists all over the world, and even a few of us during the time we spent together on August Moon’s tour adorn her walls.
Leaving the door open slightly Solene sits on the small love seat she added to the room, its vintage, it suits her.
Taking a seat next to her I smile. She seems to be taking me in, inspecting closely how age and life have affected me. “How are you? I saw you on Jimmy Kimmel last week, are you enjoying the solo route?”.
“It’s been a journey of loss and gain. I didn’t know that with love comes pain, until that day five years ago. The music I’ve been writing is not just about infatuation but yearning for what was.” I realize I may be rambling and pause.
“It’s nice to see you passionate about music again, the same way it was when it was just you and your guitar.” Solene’s hand touches mine tenderly, “tell me more about it?”.
“Well, when we went our separate ways I began to see the road ahead was going to be the same as before if I let it. I could keep on as the British boy who messes about and lets everyone around him make decisions for him; or I could be who I am today. I’m finally involved in the process of my music from start to fi-“ a knock on the door brings me to a stop.
“Solene, Ms. Raphel is here. I know she’s a half an hour early, would you like me to tell her you’re in meeting?” Tracy looks pained as if she’s interrupted a super secret meeting- which she has, but it’s not the end of the world.
Solene’s eyes bounce between mine and Tracy’s “Fucking artists. They’re never on time, it’s always absurdly early or laughably late.”
Deciding for the both of us I stand up, “This is important Sol, I’ll be here as long as it takes. As long as your number is still the same, I would be more than happy to schedule something.” Tracy shuts the door slowly and leaves us alone again.
“Hayes, are you sure? I can tell her I’m in a meeting, I can’t expect you to move your busy schedule around because of my client’s inability to tell time.” Solene stands and begins shuffling papers on her desk, no matter what she says I know I’ll go to the ends of the earth for her.
Standing behind her I place my hand on her shoulder “I’ll be available whenever you are. Good luck with the new client.” I walk to the door before turning back “Oh and Solene, you’re still hot or whatever.” With those parting words I open the door leaving her blinking in shock. ————————————————————————————— As I sit on the sofa of my new flat, I’m like a teen boy again. Do I dare flirt with the girl? Keep it simple? I begin typing something only to delete it until I hit send on impulse.
-Hayes- I was wondering if you’d like to get some really fucking good sandwiches sometime? ————————————————————————————— • It’s been two hours since I left the gallery, fifteen since I sent the text, and five minutes since Solene has read it. Patience and tranquility are two things I am fresh out of when it comes to waiting.
-Hayes- I know you’ve read it Sol, it’ll be just lunch.
This time she replies immediately
-Solene- I don’t know Hayes… it was always just lunch.
-Hayes- I’ll behave, or try to. Pls?
Knowing she won’t be able to say no, I prematurely do a little dance.
-Solene- I’ll think about it, maybe.
-Hayes- Go easy on my poor heart Sol. One sandwich. Not even drinks. Just bread. Yes?
At this point I may as well be on my knees, she still knows how to make me work for it. Leaving well enough alone I decide to go for a run. The waterside park in Santa Barbara has become my refuge-aside from my music- the waves and fresh, cool air keep me grounded.
————————————————————————————— After running for an hour I look at my messages to see a simple victory but a victory nonetheless.
-Solene- Fine you win. Lunch. I could go for a good sandwich.
(To be continued)

I got my iPhone repaired at an Apple Store, they made me reset and delete all esims.
I get the phone back, restore it from a backup, try to set up cellular by scanning the eSIM code, it says eSIM is invalid.
I click “set up through existing line”, the option now appears on my iPhone to set up cellular, I set it up but it never connects.
It took me 5 hours of chat and transfers up to the highest supervisor AFTER they successfully transferred someone else’s number to me, but still couldn’t put mine back on the phone. It was like the old IMEI was hard stuck to that number but still trying to register with mine.
The entire time, I had to have both my parents phones since Verizon won’t let me put my phone number (I’m a manager) on my phone without me having another persons phone on the same plan. God forbid I ever have an individual plan then I won’t ever be able to have service again after a repair.
What can I do if I have another repair? Should I contact Verizon first and try to put it on my new IMEI? But I can’t contact them if my parents phones aren’t readily available. After many many failed setups, eventually a new agent got on, said “can you text now?” And it worked instantly. I still have no idea how this happened since I’m sure Verizon customers have AppleCare appointments all the time.
Horrifying. Now my grandfather doesn’t have a phone number because they put his on top of my “infinite loop registering” sim and had to remove it. Just tips for my phone number to stay in tact next time? How can I put service back on my phone without having to have another account managers phone in my hand for hours for constant verification codes?

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ImDyingRn123
Originally posted to AITAH
AITA for not having my boyfriend be a plus one at my best friends wedding
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: manipulation
Original Post: May 9, 2024
I (25f) have been seeing my now boyfriend (27m), who will call Joe, for about six months now. We made it official three months into dating so I like to say he’s only officially been my boyfriend for three months.
My best friend, who we’ll call Anne, is getting married next month. I’m one of her bridesmaids. It’s a small destination wedding, only about forty close friends and family. The bridal party is set to arrive about four days before the actual wedding to do bachelobachelorette stuff.
The issue came up yesterday morning when my boyfriend started asking what time my flight was for the wedding week. I didn’t think much of it and told him. He came back about ten minutes later and said he’d have to go on a different flight because he couldn’t find one on the same airline or at the same time.
I didn’t understand why he was looking at flights. I asked him if he was planning on going on a solo or guys trip while I was gone since I wouldn’t be around.
He looked confused and then said he was looking for flights for the wedding.
I then proceeded to tell him, trying to be as gentle as possible, that I wasn’t planning on a plus one and the guest list was already finalized. He has only ever met Anne over face time since she lives in a different state from us.
After telling him, he exploded at me. Honestly it was a total 180 from his usual behavior. He said it was insensitive of me to not ask for a plus one because we’d been together for so long now. That I was purposefully excluding him and trying to keep him a secret. He ranted and talked in a circle and I just sat there in shock. What snapped me out of the daze was when he insinuated that I would likely cheat with one of the groomsmen.
Thats when I got up, got my shit, and started walking out of his place. He freaked out even more and said we needed to talk about this and I couldn’t walk out on him. He tried to grab me twice but I shoved him off.
Since I last night, I haven’t spoken to him. he’s been blowing up my phone with calls and texts that I don’t reply to. Even put him on do not disturb because it was so annoying. I was pretty solid in believing I wasn’t TA but one of his best friends got my number and texted me I was being petty and a female dog about everything. That I lead Joe on for six months.
I haven’t talked to anyone about this since I wanted to cool down before I got a second opinion. But now that his friend is texting men, I feel like I handled it all poorly. I know I need space right now but I don’t want to ghost Joe, which his friend implied I’m now doing.
So I’ve come here to get some unbiased opinions. Fellow redditors, I asked you now if i am TA for not having my boyfriend be a plus one to my best friends wedding.
posting this is the other aita sub too
edit: to clarify. we don’t live together. i just spend the night at his place sometimes
edit 2: in our last conversation last night i texted him that i needed some space to breathe to which he then just kept calling and texting
edit 3 because people keep acting like joe is a secret: he has met my other friends. he hasn’t met anne in person because she lives in a different state. across the country to be exact. they’ve only met through face time. i’ve met his parents and friends. he hasn’t met mine because they moved back to mexico two years ago. he has met them over face time.
edit 4: his friend saying lead him on was “leading him to believe he was invited”
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
OOP to multiple comments on why she is not having her boyfriend as her plus one to the wedding

OOP: i accepted the wedding invite long before we met. this wedding invite didn’t just recently happen. + main reason for why i never asked for a plus one is because joe and i had only just started seeing each other when the wedding was being planned. a lot went into it because it’s a destination wedding in europe + i’m not meaning to dismiss it. i’m pointing out that’s why i’m not having a plus one unlike the other groomsmen and bridesmaids. they have been with their partners for years and personally know anne. joe has only ever met her over face time + also there’s a lot more then just buying a ticket. i said earlier that this wedding was planned months before we met. anne planned a lot of things for this wedding that are catered to the fact there’s a limited guest list. again. i would have been fine to explain all this but again. i never got a chance to + this wedding wasn’t a secret. he was even aware of it when we first started seeing each other because i’d just done dress shopping. again. this wedding was very planned out because it is indeed, very small and private in france. he’s also met anne and her fiance over face time, not in person because she’s in a different state. he’s met my other friends as well. he hasn’t met my parents because they live in a different country.

 
Update: May 11, 2024
The general consensus was that I wasn’t TA. Unfortunately the original post got taken down on the main aita sub but is still up on the other. Still posting the update on both though.
Some of y’all had some stuff to say about me saying I need help communicating because I shouldn’t have walked out. Have your opinions, but never let someone scream at you and just sit there and take it. Im realizing thats emotional abuse.
About why I never pushed to have a plus one. When the wedding planning was starting, Joe and I had not met. By the time we met and made things official, the wedding planning was finalized. I never hid the wedding from Joe or the fact it was very small. Someone said “most normal people” plan on bringing their s/o to a wedding. Maybe thats true. But never automatically assume that since your s/o is invited to something, you’ll be going too.
The wedding was heavily pre-planned because again, it’s a destination wedding. Anne is originally from France and primary reason why it’s a destination wedding.
I talked to Anne about this shortly after posting and she agreed that I’m not TA. She said if the roles were reversed, she’d never expect her so of less than a year be invited to an important event.
So, on Friday, I texted Joe asking to meet up Saturday morning to have a discussion about everything.
This morning he tried to get us to meet at my place, but instead, I got him to agree to meet at a local cafe. A lot of you brought up how he tried to grab me and that’s a big sign that he could get more physical in the future. I didn’t want anything to be left to chance.
He got there early and tried to hug me, which I didn’t allow. I got the ick at the thought of him hugging me.
We did a bit of small talk but got pretty much to the point once we sat down.
He did apologize for blowing up but in the same breath said I shouldn’t have left. I countered that he shouldn’t have tried to physically stop me from leaving, twice. He said what else was he supposed to do. That set the tone for the whole conversation.
He went on to say that me just walking away was a “clear indication that I didn’t respect him”. I then pointed out that he was not letting me explain why he wasn’t invited.
This is when we started talking in circles. I told him how the wedding was being planned long before we met. How by the time we mutually agreed to be exclusive, they had everything finalized, especially the guest list. He said I should’ve asked for Anne to change it anyway. I asked him if I ever gave him the impression he’d be attending. He was silent for a while and then admitted he just assumed that since he was now my boyfriend, I would have told Anne to invite me. I told him then wouldn’t I have said something if he was invited in the past three months?
I realized that we weren’t getting anywhere. I told him I wanted to break up. To paraphrase, I said something along the lines of.
“I understand you were hurt that I didn’t invite you. I am sorry that we didn’t have a clearer conversation. I do wish that we could have had a calmer conversation. However, I don’t feel safe in this relationship because of how you reacted. I don’t think this relationship is good for either of us if you feel betrayed and I feel unsafe.”
He didn’t take that well.
Joe’s response was if we broke up, I wasn’t getting my stuff back. I told him I didn’t care. Because honestly? If he wants to keep some of my underwear and used toothbrush, okay.
I then asked him to not have his friends text me too. He then went from pleading to have another chance to accusing me of never wanting him. I just stood up, told him I wished him the best, and left.
Ended up going for a two hour run when I got home because I still felt stressed. Blocked his number, his friends, blocked his instagram, deleted the pictures of us on my feed. Changed my Facebook status to single. Had a cry and have been watching Netflix since.
Something I learned from this your first fight with your partner tells you everything about them. Our first fight told me Joe was explosive. Maybe if he hadn’t blown up, we would still be together. Not gonna dwell on it though. I know it’s good I got out while you can because as a lot of you pointed out, the fact he kept trying to overpower me twice says a lot.
I’m honestly glad I broke it off. As some of you said, it took him six months to show his true colors. Can’t imagine if he did come and then a year later, I find out he’s like this and have to look at wedding photos with a guy who is fine blowing up.
I’m going to stay single for awhile now. I have a wedding to look forward to. My focus is on supporting Anne and making sure she has the best wedding ever. I may update when the wedding happens to let you guys know how it goes and if Joe tried anything else.
Thank you again to everyone for their opinions.
Relevant Comments
OOP on staying away from her ex-boyfriend

OOP: thank you ❤️ i do have a dog and a roommate so that’s some extra security already. the roommate and i talked before about getting a ring camera but this experience and other comments have solidified us getting one

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after her asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

I don’t really know what to do. I think he is cheating on me. My boyfriend of over a year and a half has had a couple of incidents of talking to other girls while we have been dating. For context, we are both on the summer break in between freshman and sophomore year of college. We started dating when we were seniors in high school and I knew I would be attending a 4-year university when I graduated. His parents were advising him to attending Community College to save money, but ultimately followed me to college and we lived together in the dorms. We are looking into renting an apartment for the upcoming school year. The first time, it was right around my 19th birthday and our one year anniversary. He was texting a multitude of other girls on both Snapchat and Instagram. The messages did not consist of much, and many of the girls didn’t even respond. I don’t remember how I found out, all I know is that it crushed me. We’ve known each other our entire lives. My parents both work together with his dad and our mom’s were pregnant with us at the same time. We didn’t grow up close but we’ve known each other for a long time. We’ve had on and off crushes on each other for a while, but the timing never worked out. After I found out, it was really tough for me to get over it. I’ve been cheated on in the past and had a really hard time trusting a significant other again, all of which he knows about. The second time it happened was only a few months after the first, right at the beginning of December. I found out because he had a secret account on Snapchat that connected him through his phone number. I went through his phone, just to verify to make sure I wasn’t bringing it up without evidence. The texting, again, was over both Snapchat (on a second account) and Instagram (another secret account). The messages consisted of the same thing, with a limited response from the women. This time, he decided to text his ex-girlfriend. This one was really hard for me because he dated me very very quickly after breaking up with her (he claims she cheated on him, but I can’t know for sure because he never confirmed it from her, which was his reason for reaching out to her in the first place, for “closure”). We had a company Christmas party that we were attending together only three days after I found out (both sets of parents and the entire company that we grew up around would be there. It would have been awful explaining we had broken up). After that, he deleted all social media and I worked on building my trust back up. For 4 months it was great. We were in a super great place… until I started getting new suspicions. He downloaded Instagram about two months ago for a valid reason that I was okay with and just kept it downloaded, which I knew. About a week until we are supposed to move out of the dorms, I see him get an Instagram notification. He clicked on it, and when the app popped up, it asked if he wanted to view on his personal account. This only happens if you are logged into a different account before and it has to switch to the account of which the notification was received from. I simply took this as a red flag, and looked through his phone the next day, but didn’t find anything. Fast forward to now, only two weeks into summer break and I saw another thing that raises a red flag. He was on Instagram, and it was very clearly an empty (or maybe only one or two texts) DM of someone. I didn’t get a good look at the screen before he swiped out of it (not fast, like he was trying to hide it though). Now I’m just wondering what the hell im gonna do. We are both staying at our respective parents’ houses for the summer, so we don’t see much of each other during the week because I work 40 hour weeks and he is taking summer classes online. I trusted him enough to download his socials again, but I don’t know if I will ever get completely over this situation, even if he isn’t talking to anyone. We have our fair share of issues within our relationship, my dad and him have a slightly strained relationship, and me and my parents do NOT like his dad (but his dad doesn’t know I don’t like him). His family is wonderful, and I truly do love him, and I genuinely believe that he loves me. But my trust is so thin and I don’t know if I will ever fully trust him if he has social media. The first time I stayed with him because he was sorry and I knew that, I needed to put more effort into the relationship. The second time, I felt like I was staying more out of convenience, and told him that if this ever happened again, I will walk out without even speaking to him. I don’t know what to do. The strain that he has between himself, me, and my family is a major factor into my decisions because I am super close with my family and there have been many arguments about him between us. I don’t know if I should go through his phone to see if I’m just making a big deal out of nothing. I don’t know if I should just break up with him because I don’t trust him. I don’t know if I should confront him and see if he will come clean. I don’t know if I should just shut up because our families are so intertwined. I don’t know where I would live next year when I go back to school (my parents think it’s a bad idea to get an apartment, his parents fully support it). There are just so many factors pulling me in different directions that I don’t know how to handle it. I never told anyone about his shenanigans, so I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it either. If you were me (or have been in a similar position), let me know what you would do. We are so young, but he has told me many times that he wants to marry me, and he would today if I would let him. I’m just so upset that I thought I could trust him, and he’s broken it many times. Please help!
TL;DR; My bf (19m) and I (19f) have been together over 1.5yrs. We live together at university, but are apart for summer break. I have caught him texting other girls (not full convos, and many without response from the girls) two times, but I am starting to suspect that he is doing it again. What should I do? Try to find an opportunity to look through his phone? Just break up? We have a lot of family that know each other (our parents work together) so it would be so awkward. Confront him? Open to ideas!

For a little back ground I've been married for 10 years and a few years ago we had something horrific happen in our family and me and my husband both did not cope well at all. We both (mainly me) handled it incredibly badly and our relationship started to break down. Also on mobile and really need to vent so sorry if format is weird and I'm all over the place. Sorry this is long
During this time I got a new job and I loved it and loved my colleagues and made some great friends. During this time "Nice guy" and I started a friendship and I felt comfortable enough talking about my marriage problems. At the time I thought he was just being supportive and not aware of other motives. Eventually "Nice guy" convinced me to cheat on my husband and be with him obviously my husband found out and we took a break.
During this time I started dating "Nice guy" and after a few months I realised I didn't want to be with him, there was no attraction and I found out I hated more about him than I liked and some of it is disgusting such as littering, spitting and the one that really irked me (because I used to work in a fast food chain) was leaving the table a riot because its the workers job to clean it. Anyways During this time I was still in contact with my husband as we had to be due to the family situation and had to know about legal matters.
So I dated "Nice guy" about 6 months maybe less as I had personal things going on as well as mot being attracted and not liking his behaviours. So I broke it off and tried to let him down nicely as possible but unfortunately he mistook this as a "break". Never once did I say break I said finished. I removed his number and didn't have social media at the time apart from reddit and removed him from whatsapp.
During the time we were together my best friend who moved to the otherside of the country so he has never met her added him on Facebook just being curious they never really spoke before this.i just also want to add I'm when I broke it off I got the full shebang of "I don't understand I'm a nice guy" "why would you throw away the one person who ever truly loved you" (lol I've had previous partners and got friends and family that love me) and we can't forget the "I can change."
Anyway I get radio silence for a about a month I get a message on freaking goodreads asking me to contact him because he misses me. I just ignore and delete I've got my own stuff going on and I've really only new him the 9 months I had the job. Next day I get a text saying new number and same misses me. I didn't want to deal with it so I just reply pretending to be someone else and just say they have the wrong number.
Then I get another text the next day and says oh hi OP this is random initial not his. So I have a friend who starts with this initial and she was the last person I had gone out with on a night out she has never had my number ever and wouldn't be able to get it as no one in that friends group have my number and also we weren't super close we would talk now and again. So I say the same thing wrong number and block the number.
Now back to my best friend who lives on the otherside of the country basically he has never met her, never spoke to her until a few weeks ago says he's just wanting to make sure I'm okay my friend replies dryly she's fine. Now to finally get to the title my friend has replied to one message being dry but over the course of the week has sent 16 messages to her which doesn't seem like a lot. I would post but I don't know how to edit the video she sent to protect her name. But these aren't like one word messages these are pages long about how much he misses me and loves me she didn't even open the messages. She accidentally only opened it today and showed me.
Also after I broke it off I left my job due to more illness related than anything else but he was also apart of it and I hate that. I've also still got my work badge that I haven't handed back because I do not want a conversation with him.
Me and my husband and currently going to couples therapy and have talked about everything and trying to fix our marriage my best friend isn't aware of this yet as we've only started the process and don't want People involved yet which is why she hasn't told "Nice guy". I am also very convinced that if he new my address he would turn up. But yeah 16 messages doesn't seem a lot but when there pages long and over a short span of time.
I also don't think she's blocked and deleted him because she tends to just ignore Facebook and let people delete her and she just ignores the messages anyways.
Oh I also wanted to add he admitted to people he was proud that he broke up marriages as his ex was also married. At this point I'm just waiting for a message on some weird app again or another new number. He doesn't know or understand what reddit is so he won't message here but he would know clearly its about him and I would love to just name and shame him.
Sorry its long just had to rant

For context, my bf (22M) had broken up with his ex (21F) a year before he met me because she was going abroad for uni. They decided to stay friends but she eventually blocked him when she left. Me (20F) and my bf met two months before I went abroad for uni (another country than his ex lol). I told him this immediately and we agreed to get into a relationship to eventually break up in two months. It was a great relationship, he was a loving partner and he always spoiled me with affection. We broke up the day before I left and decided to stay friends. During our break we both dated other people but when I came back to visit my home country for christmas we decided to get back together. We told each other about everyone that we dated while we were on our break. He then told me that him and his ex had met, without him telling me about it, while we were still together (about a week before we broke up) because she told him that she was in a bad situation. She had just gotten out of a toxic relationship and had nobody to talk to except him. She told him that her toxic ex made her block him. He consoled her but when she said that she missed him and had feelings for him, he told her that he had no feelings for her, that he had a girlfriend and showed her my picture. At the time I didn’t think much of it and honestly felt sorry for her. We agreed to do a long distance relationship and I eventually left for my second semester. One day I got curious and searched my bf’s ex on instagram. I saw that he had liked all of her posts that were posted while we were on our break and he was still following her. I had this gut feeling that there was something going on. When I came back to my home country for summer break, my bf greeted me with flowers as always. One day while we were hanging out I playfully asked if I could check his phone. He said no, which is fine but I found this odd as he never hid his phone around me and I was under the impression that he was already telling me everything that was going on in his life. When I told him this he said okay and showed me his text histories on all of his social media. We came across his dms with his ex, though I didn’t look through what they talked about. I asked him why he was still in contact with his ex after she told him that she still had feelings for him. He said that they were just friends and that they hadn’t even talked that much. She asked if he wanted help with learning english and occasionally said let’s meet up. He once told her that she looked better after the bad state she was in. That was it. Itold him that I was uncomfortable with him talking to her still when he knew that she had feelings for him. He said okay, apologized and unfollowed her in front of me. Something still didn’t feel right. The next day I asked to meet him and asked him why he didn’t tell me that he met up with his ex while we were still together. He told me that he was afraid that I would misunderstand it at the time given that our relationship wasn’t that serious since we would break up in a week. I asked him if he had told her that we broke up when we did. He told me that he didn’t remember. I asked to see their messages. He said no. I told him that I had a bad feeling and couldn’t go on with our relationship if I didn’t see their texts. He then showed me. He had replied to her story saying that she had gained weight and that her cheeks looked cute. Then there was a conversation where he asked when she was coming back and asked if she wanted to meet up. Another one where they talked about her toxic ex. And that’s all I saw until he snatched his phone from my hand. I immediately got up, started crying and told him I was breaking up with him. He said they were just friends and that that’s how he speaks to all his friends. He said that she was in a bad state and had nobody to talk to (which was straight bs btw). He said that I wasn’t even with him when they talked (which was true but apparently they texted on whatsapp as well but he deleted the texts because his conservative dad looked at them and got mad, so I’m not sure) and that they hadn’t talked since. The next day I blocked, then unblocked him on instagram. And he had followed his ex again. I waited and checked, and he had unfollowed her again. He texted me that day saying that he didn’t do anything wrong and that he just wanted to be there for his friend. He said that he was torn that we were breaking up and that he will never forget me. I asked him why he followed his ex immediately after I broke up with him then. He said that it was because she was his friend but he then decided to unfollow her when he reconsidered the situation because it didn’t feel right. He also removed all of his likes from her posts. We texted for two days. He eventually apologized for breaking my trust and that even though she was his friend it was disrespectful to me. He told me that I was the most precious thing in his life and he was an idiot for losing me. I told him that I still didn’t forgive him and that I needed time. He said that he would respect my decision no matter what
Any advice? I love him so much but I feel like I can’t trust him anymore.
TLDR My bf met with his ex while still with me, then stayed in contact with her while we were broken up only to tell me this when we decided to get back together. I then found out that he was talking in a flirtatious during the break and tried to meet up with her. He apologized but idk what to do, any advice?

I am out of iCloud space. I could free up a lot of space by deleting videos and photos that are in iMessages. But even when I turn off the iCloud back up features, the deleted photos and videos reappear within 24 hours. To be clear: I am selecting and deleting them in the Messsge app. They do disappear — but come back overnight. That means they are still stored on the cloud and repopulate overnight. I would prefer to just delete the videos and photos, not the entire text message chains as they have some info on them I need from time to time.
No, the methods in Apple discussions do not work. Nor do the YouTube how-to instructions. I even got a Genius Bar appointment and the non-genius who tried to help me said that they would have to troubleshoot the phone and that I would need to get another appointment to come back for that. They of course, did not have any appointments for several more days.
Has anyone seen this problem and figured out how to permanently delete the photos and videos that are in messages you sent people or the people sent to you?

I will give you an overview (its a pretty long read I'm sorry) of my dating life and then I will ask you guys 3 questions at the end. Please if you have criticism, tell me and don't spare my feelings. If you have more questions about me that I may have forgotten to put here, please ask them and I will try to answer them.
I was born in the Philippines but I was raised here in Canada. My first girlfriend was when I was in Vancouver Island. I was in middle school back then and she was my best friend. I was always an introvert and I always prefer to be alone or have at least one or two friends. I don't have a social anxiety or something like that. I just prefer to be friends with as few people as possible and I was happy the way I was. As the only asian person in the school I was sometimes picked on and most of the time ignored. But she was there for me despite what other people thought about me. We are each others first kiss and I thought at the time that she was the love of my life. My parents decided that we move to Edmonton, Alberta to have more job opportunities. So my girlfriend and I broke it off and we cried when we said goodbye to each other.
When I arrived in Edmonton, I was in junior high school. I had crushes here and there and many girls had crushes on me but I was never in a serious relationship. Fast forward in my high school days, I met my 2nd girlfriend. I am still an introvert. She had a crush on me and I had a crush on her so we hit it off. We were great together, we made each other laugh, we supported each other through tough times with school and with our families and I lost my virginity to her. This is when I find out that I have a pretty high sex drive. Almost everyday after school we would have sex in any secluded places like in my bedroom or in her bedroom and it was amazing. Fast forward towards the end of our relationship, I find out from her friend that she was cheating on me. So I talked to her if it was true and she admitted it. I tried my best to stay calm and as she was about to explain herself, I couldn't bottle up my emotions anymore and I stood up and left her there. I was holding myself back until I found a tree to hide behind and I started crying. I stayed behind that tree for 2 hours. (We were together for 1.5 years)
That relationship really broke me. My confidence was shattered. I felt like I didn't deserve love. Until one day when I looked myself in the mirror I thought to myself that maybe the reason why she cheated on me was because I didn't look attractive enough. I was very skinny during that time. So from then on, I started working out and started training in boxing and wrestling almost religiously.
Fast forward to around 2021 and I am now pretty muscular and I know how to defend myself boosting my confidence up greatly. I'm 5'11 and 170 lbs guy. I also saved enough money from my job so I can start investing in stocks. I earned enough money to invest so I quit my job (I was about to get fired anyway because of COVID-19) and I became a fulltime trader and I am now self-employed (I still am today). This is the time when i met my last girlfriend. I was still an introvert and she was also somewhat an introvert. I really thought we were perfect together. She became my best friend. We supported each other during the lockdown. We started long driving to go to hiking in Banff and Vancouver multiple times. She and I adopted a golden retriever puppy. Our sex was amazing we learned a lot of things about how to pleasure each other and I always made sure that she orgasm at least two times before I finish. We communicated perfectly about our problems. All in all it was a very healthy and loving relationship.
Then about 4 months before our break up, she started to "distance" herself from me gradually. I started planning surprise dates and decorating our apartment with romantic stuff and other cheesy stuff so when she comes back from work she can still see how much I love and cherish her. When I want to initiate sex she sometimes refuses politely and when she did accept to have sex she seemed uninterested and just laid there and I did most of the work. So one day I finally confronted her about it and she told me that she is just busy from college and work. I said, I understand and I offered my hand to help her in her studies and she said no. So she took a deep breath and told me she wants to move to her friends house for a while. I was shocked but I didn't resist her. I said, I understand and agreed to give each other some space. I made sure to let her know that when she is ready to talk I am always here. So she packed her stuff, took the dog and moved to her friends.
3 weeks later of waiting for her to contact me, she texted me one sentence. She said, "I don't think this is going to work out, we should break it up here." She didn't explain herself, she could have at least broke up with me in person or at least call me.. (we were together for 2.5 years)
I texted her about an explanation. No answer. I texted her friend about her. No answer. I tried to message her through her social medias but she blocked me from all of them. I was frustrated, angry and heartbroken again. I wanted to go to her friend house to see if she is still there or go to her parents home. The only reason I didn't was because I didn't want to look like a creep or a stalker. I was frustrated. I didn't know where did I went wrong. I did not know if I hurt her. I was given no explanation on where I went wrong! I kept thinking maybe she is seeing someone else from school or work which just further breaks my heart because my last cheating gf traumatized me.
I need help. I'm at my lowest right now and because I don't have any friends to talk to, I'm just by myself. My family and I are not close. We don't hate each other but we just don't talk to one another. They always raised me as an independent man. I usually come out on top when dealing with my problems by myself but this is different. Even after improving my body, being financially independent and trying my best to make my girlfriend happy, I was still left alone and discarded. I'm hating life right now. Suicide does cross my mind more than I would like. And I'm considering it. I need some advice. All my life I've dreamed of falling in love and starting a family. And right now, I don't know if I can start another relationship and ending in another heartbreak because I am certain if that happens again I don't know if I have the strength to keep living.
I don't drink or smoke or go to the club or parties. Her friend circle sometimes do that and she did partied with them two times. Maybe she left me because I'm too boring? I've asked in other social media and they told me maybe I should start drinking and start going to clubs. They told me that my gf probably felt like she didn't have any competition because I don't talk to other women. They also told me to try to stop being an introvert.
1) How do I get my confidence back up after this? Did you experience getting cheated on or being ghosted? How did you deal with it?
2) I know that there are good women out there. So how do I filter good ones from the bad ones? Is there a way to know if she is a good woman without getting in a relationship and risk getting heartbroken again?
3) Should I follow the other people's advices and start drinking and clubbing and also to stop being introverted?
I know you may think I'm naive about love and I'm starting to realize it now too. But I just want to listen to other people's advice because it does help me with the pain even if its just a little bit.

for context, my fiancé is in the military (not active duty) so he’s just generally smart. today i discovered that snapchat had some suggested people from my contact to follow, but none of them were people in my phone. bunch of people either “SPC” or “SGT” so i assumed it was from his phone so then i googled it and it says that snapchat recommended followers from contacts are from wherever you’re signed in at. so then i looked where my snapchat was logged in at and it was my phone and a different iphone. the same type my fiancé has. then i looked through my screen time for the day i was logged in at and i found that my phone was being used while i was asleep that day for snapchat and email at the same hour so i go onto email and i check my recently deleted and found two emails from snapchat in the trash. one of them was a snapchat for web email. like using snapchat from a computer and the other email was my snapchat data history download link. so then i go into my recently deleted messages because i KNOW that i have two factor authentication for snapchat. i know damn well i would’ve got a text. low and behold. a text in my recently deleted inbox from snapchat. two verification codes. one for a day and time that i was at work and had my phone in my work locker. and the other code that same day a time that i was sleeping. the same time that i found for screen time usage. so now im wondering. how can i find out if my phone has been tapped. because how were the messages and the verification codes deleted from my phone. when i had it locked behind my work locker. also hes logged into my email that i’ve just discovered on his computer that i am not allowed to touch. same with my instagram. how do i know if my phone has been tapped? he comes home tomorrow and i plan to confront him. (i have never given him my passwords to anything. he knows my phone passcode but he has never gone on it without my knowledge until what i’ve just discovered) i’d like to say i have nothing to hide, but i think the fact that he went through all this to download my information is very scary.

I have recently started learning Django Rest Framework, and hit a little roadblock trying to understand the data flow in DRF.
From what I understand, views take in a web request and return a web response, so they are the first component in the DRF data flow right? (after urls).
Then what's the second step? Views generally refer to a serializer, so does that mean our serializer gets executed next. If so, why doesn't our model get executed instead, because serializers are used to convert data such as model instances so doesn't it mean our serializers depend on models and should be executed after models.
I have this question after going through the DRF docs tutorial part-4.
I also have one more question after going through the tutorial.
CONTEXT: In the tutorial we are creating code snippets and now we want to associate users with the snippets they created.
We follow the steps below in the following order to achieve this:
1 Add the following two fields to the Snippet model in models.py.

owner = models.ForeignKey('auth.User', related_name='snippets', on_delete=models.CASCADE) 

2 Adding endpoints for our User models
Now that we've got some users to work with, we'd better add representations of those users to our API. Creating a new serializer is easy. In serializers.py add:

from django.contrib.auth.models import User class UserSerializer(serializers.ModelSerializer): snippets = serializers.PrimaryKeyRelatedField(many=True, queryset=Snippet.objects.all()) class Meta: model = User fields = ['id', 'username', 'snippets'] 

We'll also add a couple of views to views.py. We'd like to just use read-only views for the user representations, so we'll use the ListAPIView and RetrieveAPIView generic class-based views.

from django.contrib.auth.models import User class UserList(generics.ListAPIView): queryset = User.objects.all() serializer_class = UserSerializer class UserDetail(generics.RetrieveAPIView): queryset = User.objects.all() serializer_class = UserSerializer 

One of my main question is in the following step-3.
The docs say that " the user isn't sent as part of the serialized representation, but is instead a property of the incoming request."
How exactly is the user already a part of the incoming request? Aren't we the ones who want to add users to associate snippets with their creators?
Also, I would like to know how to check the properties of an incoming request?
3 Associating Snippets with Users
Right now, if we created a code snippet, there'd be no way of associating the user that created the snippet, with the snippet instance. The user isn't sent as part of the serialized representation, but is instead a property of the incoming request.
The way we deal with that is by overriding a .perform_create() method on our snippet views, that allows us to modify how the instance save is managed, and handle any information that is implicit in the incoming request or requested URL.
On the SnippetList view class, add the following method:

def perform_create(self, serializer): serializer.save(owner=self.request.user) 

4 Updating our Serializer
Now that snippets are associated with the user that created them, let's update our SnippetSerializer to reflect that.
Add the following field to the serializer definition in serializers.py:

owner = serializers.ReadOnlyField(source='owner.username') 

Now, my main question is, how do these steps help in adding the user to our snippets? How exactly does the data flow here?
Apologies for making this too long.
Also, thank you for taking your time out for reading this.
P.S. I have another question after looking at code written by others, what does serializer.save(data=data) or serializer.create(data=data) mean?
Code below:
from views.py:

class SnippetList(generics.ListCreateAPIView): queryset = Snippet.objects.all() serializer_class = SnippetSerializer permission_classes = [permissions.IsAuthenticatedOrReadOnly] def perform_create(self, serializer): serializer.save(owner= self.request.user) 

serializers.py:

class SnippetSerializer(serializers.ModelSerializer): owner = serializers.ReadOnlyField(source="owner.username") class Meta: model = Snippet fields = ["id", "title" , "code", "linenos", "language", "style", "owner"] class UserSerializer(serializers.ModelSerializer): snippets = serializers.PrimaryKeyRelatedField(many=True, queryset=Snippet.objects.all()) class Meta: model = User fields = ["id", "username", "snippets"] 

models.py:

class Snippet(models.Model): created = models.DateTimeField(auto_now_add=True) title = models.CharField(max_length=100, blank=True, default='') code = models.TextField() linenos = models.BooleanField(default=False) language = models.CharField(choices=LANGUAGE_CHOICES, default="python", max_length=100) style = models.CharField(choices=STYLE_CHOICES, default="friendly", max_length=100) owner = models.ForeignKey("auth.User", related_name="snippets", on_delete=models.CASCADE) highlighted = models.TextField() class Meta: ordering = ['created'] def save(self,*args, **kwargs): """ Use the "pygments" library to create a highlighted HTML representation of the code snippet. """ lexer = get_lexer_by_name(self.language) linenos = "table" if self.linenos else False options = {"title": self.title} if self.title else{} formatter = HtmlFormatter(style=self.style, linenos=linenos, full=True ,**options) self.highlighted = highlight(self.code, lexer, formatter) super().save(*args, **kwargs) 

In recent Drama on Anything Else JSTLK called in to complain about Dan making jokes about him being a GroypeNazi and also referring to him as 'Jew Stalker' instead of JSTLK.

The Call in

JSTLK (J) Calls into Anything else to talk to Dan (D): Link @ 1:34:10 - 1:40:50

1. J: Did you see Hasan go ahead and call me a Nazi recently
2. D: No
3. J: So i asked you very nicely, probably a month ago, not to do that meme, right?
4. D: Do what meme
5. J: The 'Jew Stalker Meme'
6. D: I didn't, I haven't
7. D: This is a serous podcast this is not the place for this
8. 
   
9. D: Ok so are you upset that i call you 'J-Stalk'
   
10. J: No you called me Jew Stalker and called me antisemitic
    
11. D: I did that once
    
12. J: But i asked you before that specifically not too
    
13. J: i did
    
14. D: Well i think i said it in jest, i'd have to go back tot he clip and watch it
    
15. J: You did not say it in jest, you were upset with me and said it intentionally
    
16. D: I said something along the lines of 'Man, maybe those Jew Stalker memes aren't a joke here
    
17. J: Yeah you were implying i was antisemitic, it wasn't a joke
    
18. D: it's what we call a Joke...
    
19. D: Anyways we will just go with it being a joke
    
20. J: Ok, well about 3 weeks ago you told me specifically you were going to help me clean this up
    
21. D: yeah i banned a bunch of people on the subreddit that were making the Jew Stalker thing and deleting the posts
    
22. J: You banned 2 on the 1 day when August asked you
    
23. D: i think i did more than that
    
24. J: but you didn't come out and say that's not true. You didn't come out and do anything to clean that up at all
    
25. J: Despite telling me you were going too
    
26. D; I don't know if it's my place to clean it up
    
27. J: It is when you lean into it and make it way more of a meme then it ever was before
    
28. D: I did it one time, and it was a joke when i did it
    
29. J : You did it one time and then it spiralled out from there
    
30. 
    
31. D: You know what this is, it's a cry bully situation
    
32. J: Where's the cry bully
    
33. 
    
34. D: I don't know what you want me to say in this circumstance right now
    
35. Destiny: He want's you apologise for starting a rumour about him that got picked up by Hasan
    
36. D: You wouldn't live a day in my shoes
    
37. Destiny: You literally do, you cried for months about people making pedophile jokes and shit about you too. Where you were perma-banning people from Chat, Subreddit and Discord for ever bringing it up. He's asking for the same type of credibility, that's all he's looking for
    
38. D: That was like, i think a different situation that happened for months, this is talking about 1 comment, 1 time, that was made in jest
    
39. D: You know what, fuck it, I'm sorry, you are not the 'Jew Stalker' and i disavow any Jew Stalker Memes that have been made as a result of my one comment 1 time 3 weeks ago
    
40. D: is that all you wanted?
    
41. J: I wanted you to come on stream and do it yourself because you said you would 3 weeks ago and about a week ago, so i'm just wondering why it took this long
    
42. Lycan: Didn't, we just have a conversation where certain comments can be taken way further than they were intended too and there should be repercussions
    
43. 
    
44. J: Just in case people don't know why i'm upset about this, i have Kaceytron spreading it, i have Hasan spreading it , it's all over Twitter and shit, this is a problem for me as i wanted to do this for a career and shit and now if i face reveal i have that meme attached to anything i do personally now so when people google my name i'm fucked, right?
    
45. D: No i think you'll be ok
    
46. H: You think it's ok to have prominent figures online with millions of followers calling you a Nazi
    
47. D: Is it ok, well i think if you are in Destiny's orbit it's going to happen to pretty much anyone that's an orbiter of Steven
    
48. J: and when people around destiny also do it? You don;t think that's a problem
    
49. D: I don't know, I guess if it happens over and over again then yeah you would step in at that point, yeah if it becomes a running thing yeah it think that would be the good litmus test, i think we've done a pretty good job
    
50. 
    
51. D: Listen i don;t know enough about you to say if you are or not, my suspicion is you're not
    
52. J: 'Every single day i'm called a Jew Stalker, Groyper, Nazi in DGG or on Reddit and i'll be checking, Every day it happens i'll leak 1 random detail of what we we;re talking about lats month
    
53. J: Start cleaning it up
    
54. J: Have a good one buddy, Love you, Bye
    

Claims/Statements made in the call

• Dan claims the initial comment was made as a joke, JSTLK claims it was serious (9-15)
  • I just can't find the clip of this, nobody seems to have or reference it which makes me lean towards it being a joke because if it was serious it wouldn't it be used?
• JSTLK claims Dan is the main reason the meme has grown in popularity (27-29)
  • I don't have access/don;t know how to get the DGG chat history but it would be nice if someone could pull the number of JewStalkerMentionsPerDay 4 weeks before and after dan made the comment
• Dan claims JSTLK is being a cry bully (31)
  • I don't know much about JSTLK's other dramas so this is hard to say if this is true or not.
• Destiny summarizes JSTLK's want as 'Dan apologising starting the Jew Stalker rumour' (35)
  • Dan did not start this rumour or even get it off the ground. Although this wasn't a direct statement either Destiny or JSTLK should have corrected it.
• Destiny claims that the Dan Pedophile Drama is very similar to the JSTLK Groyper Drama (36-38)
  • The 2 dramas are incredibly different.
    • In 1 you have a non-anonymous figure with 0 evidence supporting the claim, and then the claim repeated for months (if not years) by large figures as a Joke (Destiny, MrMouton and others at the time)
    • In the other you have a lot of credible evidence (explained below) that the fully anonymous JSTLK was, at the very least, a Groyper in the past and it was only 1 comment made by Dan as a joke.
  • This as well as the gravity of the 2 claims one being a Pedophile and the other far right Groyper
• Dan apologises (39)
  • Nothing much to be said here, Dan clearly is done with the convo and is trying to get it to end.
• Lycan also makes a dig at Dan referencing a previous topic about the responsibility of statements and how audiences may perceive them (42)
  • This shows Lycans lack of understanding which shows up constantly on all topics it seams.
    • The claim is based on how the audience at the time is expected to react to a message. If Destiny said 'kill all League players' there's a much smaller chance of anything real coming from that then a Far Right pundit saying 'All Gay teachers are endangering kids and something needs to be done about it ASAP'. Even as the Destiny example has stronger language 'Kill', the Far Right pundit has a higher chance of causing harm due to the audiences perception: The government can't be trusted, police can rarely be trusted, (they) are pushing this, kids are being hurt, this needs to stop, only i can stop this.... and so on.
    • With that being said if Dan repeated the Jew Stalker play on words on Destiny's stream and that's enough to ruin his life then there was so much foundational work in place that Destiny should be more responsible for his community and this situation than Dan for making the joke.
• JSTLK threatens Dan (52)
  • Not much needs to be said, a threat with an unreasonable demand is impossible and just a justification to later do the threat with feeling unhinged. it is unhinged and it came across super soy/weird

Is JSTLK a Groyper

DGG Logs: Link Redacted up to 2024-01-30
Reddit Logs: Link Redacted up to 2023-10-16
Twitter: Link Redacted up to 2023-10-12
It's important to start this with the knowledge that JSTLK has redacted logs so proof is hard to find.
The Past Most DGGer's will at least have the feeling that JSTLK was a Groyper when he first engaged with the community and even leaned into the meme/claim himself.
This is true, but proving it isn't that easy anymore.
DGG JSTLK Mentions Logs: Link
If we look at DGG Logs form the date prior to JSTLK's Redact we can see that there are many logs of people mentioning him either calling him a Groyper or worse for months and months.
Yes we can't take comments from other DGG's as 100% fact but it's clear that he was widely knows as a Nick Fuentes simp/Groyper (same thing): 1, 2
From the Logs alone you can say that JSTLK was most likely a Groyper.
The Present With that being said, it looks like JSTLK has publicly moved away from any Groyper stuff since the start of 2024, this is good and based on this there is no reason to think JSTLK is currently a Groyper.
The Plan The weird thing is the re-writing of history.
If a person is X for yeas and then in 6 months time claims to be Y and explains why they changed, that's ok.
If a person is X for yeas and in 6 months time claims to be Y without ever acknowledging X and trying to hide proof of X and others are on board with this it's incredibly suspicious. Especially when the person has a financial incentive to be Y, at least publicly (we all know people can make careers of Destiny/his community).
All that has to be done is own that he used to be a Groyper and that he isn't anymore.

Weird Targeting

It is very easy to be aggressive/antagonistic to people who can't damage you much in return.
Destiny Destiny has fostered a community of people that for at least a year and a half have held the belief that JSTLK is a Groyper. If JSTLK truly has a life ruining issue with this perception of himself then he should go after Destiny.
But he wont.
He is scared that going after Destiny for something his community believes (which isn't unfounded) would damage the Destiny bridge and as such his prospects of being a content creator.
He is the little dog meme here.
Dan He is happy to not only blame Dan but push the unfounded story that he's the reason that all the bad press to JSTLK is happening. This is wild.
The main trigger to all of this was Hasan's statement about JSTLK
Dan can't and shouldn't be held responsible for a statement that Hasan makes about JSTLK unless Hasan directly sourced Dan for the comment.
As we have recently learned Hasan knows a fuck ton of DGG lore, him thinking that one of the current biggest orbiters is a GroypeNazi isn't crazy for him to find considering it was the general feeling of JSTLK throughout the whole community before Dan has said anything.
This is all targeted because JSTLK doesn't have much to lose by going after Dan and he's too much of a coward to target Destiny.

Source your arguments

Lastly it's super cringe to call into a show and say remember when you said this 3 weeks ago, yeah well because of that you ruined my life and i'm going to try and blackmail you now.
If you call into a show and have an issue with something they said, unless it's that very stream or a very common talking point, you should have to provide a clip.

TLDR:

JSTLK was a Groyper DGG thought he was a Groyper for over a year In the last 4 months publicly JSTLK hasn't said anything that can link him to being a Groyper JSTLK deleted all public presence prior to 4 months ago He only attacked Dan because he's too scared to blame Destiny/DGG There is some weird rewrite of history where JSTLK was never a Groyper and thinking he was/is is unfounded
Change made: From the Logs alone you can, without a doubt, say that JSTLK was a Groyper. to From the Logs alone you can say that JSTLK was most likely a Groyper
YEE WINS SPONSORED BY REDACT.DEV

for context, i went through a break up. it wasn’t fun. me and my boyfriend of 2 years were both having issues with family, work, school, etc. we live together and he needed space and it hurt a lot. we talked a few days later and decided we both want to work things out with each other. so we’ve been communicating so much more and putting in more effort towards each other.
my friends, let’s call them Jane, Jackie, and Jamie, all stopped talking to me as much and started only talking to each other. i didn’t know what was going on for 3 weeks and i was doing my best to manage finals, working overtime, fixing my relationship, plus manage finances as there’d been a big change in mine and my boyfriends life before the break up. we were dealing with a lot. and Jackie had told me to give Jane and Jamie space bc they didn’t support me staying with my boyfriend after they watched me cry for so long. i gave them space but was still talking in our group chat, seeing them at our university, going out with them, etc.
anyway, i ask about 4 times “is everything okay? it seems weird.” and “hey is everything alright because i feel like something is off” and was always told it was fine. they’d leave me on delivered and wouldn’t talk to me in the group chat but would talk to each other. i started distancing myself little by little. 3 weeks of this goes by and finally i ask again what’s going on and Jane tells me they’re all uncomfortable with me, upset with me, and that i’ve hurt them all. i ask what happened. she tells me that i haven’t been there for any of them, that i was instigating fake drama by checking in with Jackie privately instead of asking her in the group chat, and that i triggered a mental health relapse for her and i wasn’t there for her. i apologized countless times and then explained how they never did anything wrong, they just started being distant with me so i didn’t want to keep feeling outcasted. she said that i still should’ve been checking in with her and that it wasn’t fair.
mind you…… they didn’t once check in with me.
i text the group chat and ask what else has been going on and this is a summary of what im told “we love you and we’re not trying to attack you but you haven’t been there” then they list off the reasons they’re upset: - i wasn’t studying with them during finals season and i chose to study at home instead (i explained i have adhd and have to focus during finals season) - i made a joke to jackie months ago about how she’s rich and im poor and she was mad about it still….. (i explained how it was a self deprecating joke and that im really sorry for hurting her feelings, it was never my intention and that i wish she had communicated with me so we could’ve talked) - Jamie was mad that i didn’t take her advice on break ups and she said “everyone goes through them. it’s life”….. but i was the only one in the friendgroup who has gone through a serious break up as an adult. and we lived together. it’s different from a middle school or 15 year old break up. i told her “i understand that break ups are normal but me and him want to fix things together and we’re making the efforts together” - stuff with a lab presentation got messed up and Jackie didn’t communicate with me at all so i wasn’t aware there was an issue and i told her this
i took time to myself and thought about everything they were telling me and i typed out a long message about how i understood that i hurt them and that i never intended to hurt them. i love them all very much and they meant a lot to me. i explained my perspective of things and how it wasn’t fair that they were talking with each other about me, claiming i was trying to start drama, purposely ignoring me (they did admit to doing it on purpose…), and many more things. i apologized to everyone and explained that i do understand how frustrating it must have been for them, but that i really wish they would have talked to me instead of leaving me out and outcasting me. i spent a long time on this message too, making sure it didn’t come off as rude or defensive or anything. i addressed all of their issues, apologized idek how many times, and then explained my perspective.
Jackie and Jamie started teaming up together and being really harsh and refusing to hear anything i was saying so i stopped responding to them. Jane ended up swinging by and picking up an item of hers and we talked in person some. she said she wants to still be friends with me and that she cares a lot about me. she also said how she’s been telling Jackie and Jamie that they need to understand my perspective as well. we hugged and she left. i was under the impression that we were all still friends, just taking space away because nobody was listening.
hours later, i log into instagram as i had deleted it to focus on my mental health for a while, and i see that they unfollowed me and kicked me out of all the chats. i message Jane and i ask how are they going to do that when they were saying how much they wanted to fix things and how much they loved being friends with me. i told her that i wish them well and that i hope they do amazing things in their lives, but that i also hope that they grow more compassionate and never have to go through any of this.
Jane responded and was angry. she said i’ve been manipulative to them since this whole thing started and that i was just victimizing myself and i didn’t give a real apology. she also said that i had unfollowed Jackie first, which i guess kickstarted them into kicking me out. but i didn’t even have social media for weeks. it didn’t add up at all.
i’ve shown my boyfriend and my best friend and my aunt the messages and have been 1000000% transparent with them about everything. they all said that the girls are just really immature and are acting like they’re 14.
it’s been a few weeks since this all passed and it’s still all i can think about. i’ve looked through the group chat several times and ive done a lot of thinking about how Jamie and Jackie like to fat shame other girls and call them ugly behind their backs. and logically i know i don’t want them back in my life but i don’t want to be perceived as this awful person either.
am i the asshole?
TLDR: my friends started acting really distant after i went through a break up and they said i wasn’t being a good friend during all of it.

So first one What makes me a back burner gf? Like, men will show interest, try and hook me in, once I'm secured they'll say they're not looking for anything then immediately date someone else. Usually 6months-a year later I get that text message that says "hey how are you doing? Want to go out tonight?" And it's a fat no from me. I don't like being disrespected. It's all of the time too like, 9/10 of men. Usually, I haven't even had sex with them or even act that way, I've been SA'd in my past so it makes me apprehensive.
Secondly Why are men more interested in me online than in person? Even when we've met in person before online?? Does this mean I embarrass them? Or are they trying to keep their interest to cheat/make me a side hoe????
I'm irritated. This seems to be a constant no matter how things start out. I am socially behind for my age, are people just taking advantage of that?
Thank you ❤️ ill probably delete this later lol

Motivation

Chatbots are among the most popular applications of large language models (LLMs). Often, an LLM's internal knowledge base is adequate for answering users questions. However, in those cases, the model may generate outdated, incorrect, or too generic responses when specificity is expected. These challenges can be partially addressed by supplementing the LLM with an external knowledge base and employing the retrieval-augmented generation (RAG) technique.
However, if user queries are complex, it may be necessary to break the task into several sub-parts. In such cases, relying solely on the RAG technique may not be sufficient, and the use of agents may be required.
The fundamental concept of agents involves using a language model to determine a sequence of actions (including the usage of external tools) and their order. One possible action could be retrieving data from an external knowledge base in response to a user's query. In this tutorial, we will develop a simple Agent that accesses multiple data sources and invokes data retrieval when needed. We will use a Dingo framework that allows the development of LLM pipelines and autonomous agents.

RAG Agent Architecture and Technical Stack

The application will consist of the following components:

1. Streamlit: provides a frontend interface for users to interact with a chatbot.
2. FastAPI: facilitates communication between the frontend and backend.
3. Dingo Agent: agent powered by GPT-4 Turbo model from OpenAI that has access to provided knowledge bases and invokes data retrieval from them if needed.
4. LLMs docs: a vector store containing documentation about the recently released Phi-3 (from Microsoft)and Llama 3 (from Meta) models.
5. Audio gen docs: a vector store containing documentation about the recently released OpenVoice model from MyShell.
6. Embedding V3 small model from OpenAI: computes text embeddings.
7. QDrant: vector database that stores embedded chunks of text.

Implementation

Step 0:

Install the Dingo framework:

pip install agent-dingo 

Set the OPENAI_API_KEY environment variable to your OpenAI API key:

export OPENAI_API_KEY=your-api-key 

Step 1:

Create a component.py file, and initialize an embedding model, a chat model, and two vector stores: one for storing documentation of Llama 3 and Phi-3, and another for storing documentation of OpenVoice.

# component.py from agent_dingo.rag.embedders.openai import OpenAIEmbedder from agent_dingo.rag.vector_stores.qdrant import Qdrant from agent_dingo.llm.openai import OpenAI # Initialize an embedding model embedder = OpenAIEmbedder(model="text-embedding-3-small") # Initialize a vector store with information about Phi-3 and Llama 3 models llm_vector_store = Qdrant(collection_name="llm", embedding_size=1536, path="./qdrant_db_llm") # Initialize a vector store with information about OpenVoice model audio_gen_vector_store = Qdrant(collection_name="audio_gen", embedding_size=1536, path="./qdrant_db_audio_gen") # Initialize an LLM llm = OpenAI(model = "gpt-3.5-turbo") 

Step 2:

Create a build.py file. Parse, chunk into smaller pieces, and embed websites containing documentation of the above-mentioned models. The embedded chunks are used to populate the corresponding vector stores.

# build.py from components import llm_vector_store, audio_gen_vector_store, embedder from agent_dingo.rag.readers.web import WebpageReader from agent_dingo.rag.chunkers.recursive import RecursiveChunker # Read the content of the websites reader = WebpageReader() phi_3_docs = reader.read("https://azure.microsoft.com/en-us/blog/introducing-phi-3-redefining-whats-possible-with-slms/") llama_3_docs = reader.read("https://ai.meta.com/blog/meta-llama-3/") openvoice_docs = reader.read("https://research.myshell.ai/open-voice") # Chunk the documents chunker = RecursiveChunker(chunk_size=512) phi_3_chunks = chunker.chunk(phi_3_docs) llama_3_chunks = chunker.chunk(llama_3_docs) openvoice_chunks = chunker.chunk(openvoice_docs) # Embed the chunks for doc in [phi_3_chunks, llama_3_chunks, openvoice_chunks]: embedder.embed_chunks(doc) # Populate LLM vector store with embedded chunks about Phi-3 and Llama 3 for chunk in [phi_3_chunks, llama_3_chunks]: llm_vector_store.upsert_chunks(chunk) # Populate audio gen vector store with embedded chunks about OpenVoice audio_gen_vector_store.upsert_chunks(openvoice_chunks) 

Run the script:

python build.py 

At this step, we have successfully created vector stores.

Step 3:

Create serve.py file, and build a RAG pipeline. To access the pipeline from the Streamlit application, we can serve it using the serve_pipeline function, which provides a REST API compatible with the OpenAI API.

# serve.py from agent_dingo.agent import Agent from agent_dingo.serve import serve_pipeline from components import llm_vector_store, audio_gen_vector_store, embedder, llm agent = Agent(llm, max_function_calls=3) # Define a function that an agent can call if needed @agent.function def retrieve(topic: str, query: str) -> str: """Retrieves the documents from the vector store based on the similarity to the query. This function is to be used to retrieve the additional information in order to answer users' queries. Parameters ---------- topic : str The topic, can be either "large_language_models" or "audio_generation_models". "large_language_models" covers the documentation of Phi-3 family of models from Microsoft and Llama 3 model from Meta. "audio_generation_models" covers the documentation of OpenVoice voice cloning model from MyShell. Enum: ["large_language_models", "audio_generation_models"] query : str A string that is used for similarity search of document chunks. Returns ------- str JSON-formatted string with retrieved chunks. """ print(f'called retrieve with topic {topic} and query {query}') if topic == "large_language_models": vs = llm_vector_store elif topic == "audio_generation_models": vs = audio_gen_vector_store else: return "Unknown topic. The topic must be one of `large_language_models` or `audio_generation_models`" query_embedding = embedder.embed(query)[0] retrieved_chunks = vs.retrieve(k=5, query=query_embedding) print(f'retrieved data: {retrieved_chunks}') return str([chunk.content for chunk in retrieved_chunks]) # Create a pipeline pipeline = agent.as_pipeline() # Serve the pipeline serve_pipeline( {"gpt-agent": pipeline}, host="127.0.0.1", port=8000, is_async=False, ) 

Run the script:

python serve.py 

At this stage, we have an openai-compatible backend with a model named gpt-agent, running on http://127.0.0.1:8000/. The Streamlit application will send requests to this backend.

Step 4:

Create app.py file, and build a chatbot UI:

# app.py import streamlit as st from openai import OpenAI st.title("🦊 Agent") # provide any string as an api_key parameter client = OpenAI(base_url="http://127.0.0.1:8000", api_key="123") if "openai_model" not in st.session_state: st.session_state["openai_model"] = "gpt-agent" if "messages" not in st.session_state: st.session_state.messages = [] for message in st.session_state.messages: avatar = "🦊" if message["role"] == "assistant" else "👤" with st.chat_message(message["role"], avatar=avatar): st.markdown(message["content"]) if prompt := st.chat_input("How can I assist you today?"): st.session_state.messages.append({"role": "user", "content": prompt}) with st.chat_message("user", avatar="👤"): st.markdown(prompt) with st.chat_message("assistant", avatar="🦊"): stream = client.chat.completions.create( model=st.session_state["openai_model"], messages=[ {"role": m["role"], "content": m["content"]} for m in st.session_state.messages ], stream=False, ) response = st.write_stream((i for i in stream.choices[0].message.content)) st.session_state.messages.append({"role": "assistant", "content": response}) 

Run the application:

streamlit run app.py 

🎉 We have successfully built an Agent that is augmented with the technical documentation of several newly released generative models and can retrieve information from these documents if necessary.

Conclusion

In this tutorial, we have developed a RAG agent that can access external knowledge bases, selectively decide whether to access the external data, which data source to use (and how many times), and how to rewrite the user's query before retrieving the data.
It can be seen that the Dingo framework enhances the development of LLM-based applications by allowing developers to quickly and easily create application prototypes.

My wife’s best friend who I will call Sarah moved in with us about 1 month ago after her husband had her arrested for getting physical with him and scratching his face. I have been a mutual friend with both Sarah and her husband that I will John. Our kids are friends and we would often get the families together. We have been put in the middle of the feud. John has a restraining order out on Sarah and the only way she gets to see the kids is supervised visitation. John listed my wife as the person that has to be present while her kids visit in 3 hour time blocks. I thought it was weird that John only listed my wife on there considering I am the only one (between my wife and I) that directly communicates with him (text and calls). John and my wife were always cordial to one another but between all 4 of us, they are the only two that had no real friendship. My wife is prettier than Sarah, and I have caught John staring at my wife’s chest and ass in the past. It never bothered me. During one of John and Sarah’s last fights, he said that Sarah’s face looked much older than my wife’s (both are very into skincare and anti-aging, so this really pissed Sarah off). John is an incredibly controlling husband that treated Sarah very poorly and my wife has always said that he is such an asshole and that she can’t stand him.
This is where things began to get weird…
After Sarah moved in, John continued to call me to discuss his wife. My wife told me that I was being too kind to him after the way he has treated her so poorly over the years, and having her arrested. My wife told me that it was time to choose a side (Sarah’s) and to stop talking with John. She told me I was two faced for continuing to speak with him. She called him Satan because he was already running around with a few different women and their kids, all while taunting her in various ways and trying to destroy her life. Suddenly John starts reaching out to my wife to schedule visitations with their kids based on my wife’s schedule. He could’ve listed both of us on the supervision list but he only put my wife. I suspect that he felt like it would lead to an open line of communication between the two of them(previously my wife didn’t even have his number in her phone) My wife acted very annoyed that she was put in that position because he never asked beforehand.. basically if Sarah wanted to see her kids, my wife would need to be involved. Here is where things got weird…
We had a birthday party for one of our daughters and we invited his kids to her party. He brought the kids and oddly stayed in the area with his youngest and waited around, but didn’t join the party. Later that day I sent him a text thanking him for the gifts they got. The next morning(Mother’s Day), one of the first things my wife does is send him a thank you text that I felt was a “gushing” thank you. It was weird to me that he was not only the first thank you text that she sent, but she only sent 3 out of the 8-9 parents that were there.
Is this thank you a bit much?
“We had the gifts mixed up but Sarah later clarified the gifts with the flower wrapping paper were from y'all! But as you can see, she loved them. Thank you very much for going out of your way to get them and for bringing the kids out to celebrate with Tara(our daughter) and waiting so patiently with jane(his youngest daughter). It meant so much to us!”
Here was my thank you the night before …
“Thanks a lot for all the stuff for Tara. She loved it all. You got much more than you should’ve”
John’s reply to my wife’s thank you text and then wishing her happy Mother’s Day.
“You are so welcome, a bit sad we were not able to be there as a complete family. Praying next year is different.”
“Happy Mothers Day, the kids and Dave are so blessed to have you.” (Clearly a compliment to her and a dig at his wife)
My wife’s reply…
Sunday 1:56 PM Thank you! I am sorry for leaving you hanging about today. Would you like to plan for around 430-730? We are getting a slow start and I just hoped to go to the beach for a little bit.
(She just says thank you? I would’ve thought she would’ve also said that their kids are blessed to have her best friend as a mom as well)
-John’s reply- That sounds perfect. See you then. Sunday 2:58 PM
(Sarah then sent a screenshot of the family app that they are legally allowed to communicate on. She told him that he was intruding on my wife’s Mother’s Day, and it was stressing my wife out, which was true. After seeing what Sarah told John, my wife felt compelled to reach back out to John with the following…
“Hey John. I'm not stressed. It just took forever to get the kids ready and out”
Keep in mind that he has repeatedly verbally abused her friend, has been hanging out with other woman, kicked her out of her house without her belongings, reported her to the state licensing board for her “arrest” and caused her license to be suspended, told her that he hope she died during an upcoming surgery she was supposed to have, and insulted her by implying that she was a harm to her kids and her best friend needed supervision during the time she spent with her kids… I was called “two faced” and told I was betraying Sarah, simply because I would answer John’s calls and texts.
We get home and John brings his kids over with a Mother’s Day plant and card (same ones, for my wife and Sarah). I thought this was weird and another way of slighting at Sarah, putting the two of them on the same level. The next day, my wife (who doesn’t garden) was watering the plants and walking around with the plants looking for a place to plant them. (I mentioned to Sarah that my wife watered the plants and she seems very surprised and upset that she did that, considering it was intended to be a slight to her.). I was very surprised considering our 9-year-old got her a plant from Lowe’s a year or two ago and she simply let it dry out and die on the counter (never watering it) which really hurt our daughters feelings….
Two days later I looked at my wife’s messages with John and was very surprised. My wife knew I had looked at her phone and sent me a nasty text to stay off of it. I told her that I was surprised that she was being so chummy with John considering how he has been treating Sarah, and had previously called me “two faced” for continuing to talk to John. I told her that her thank you to John was “gushing” and clearly made him feel good as he gave her a compliment about how blessed we were to have her immediately after that. I told her I was also surprised that she didn’t just have me tell him thank you considering she knows we talk and are friends. My wife got really mad and said she did nothing wrong and called me a jealous psycho. She said she would show the thread to Sarah because she had nothing to hide and did nothing wrong. I told her that I would strongly advise against it because I think it would hurt Sarah’s feelings and cause her to be upset with my wife. My wife continued to call me a lot of mean names and told me I needed professional mental help. She then changed the password on her phone. She then told Sarah that it would prob be best for her and John to coordinate through the app because I was acting very bothered by her talking to John (implying jealousy).
My wife and I began talking about the situation again yesterday and I told her that I wasn’t dwelling on it but wish she would acknowledge the inappropriateness of the conversation, considering the circumstances. She refused and again began calling me a psycho that is destroying her life. I told her that if she felt like it was a completely appropriate conversation, then she should show Sarah. She refused. She then sends me the following :
“I deleted his thread and his contact information. Accidentally called his number while I was trying to figure out how and immediately hung up. I’m sure you’ll say I called him on purpose. I have a screenshot of the thread so you won’t accuse me of trying to get rid of evidence.”
As it turned out, she didn’t have a screenshot of the thread. I found it very odd that she deleted the conversation (she did it during this last argument we were having about the appropriateness of it and telling her to show Sarah..
The other things that bothered me was that I wrote a kind Mother’s Day message on her Facebook, which she saw but never acknowledged on Facebook or said anything to me, and she completely ignored my happy birthday post to our daughter on Facebook. She was so quick to acknowledge the person she called “Satan” but not to her husband. I am considering the possibility that I am overly sensitive these days. My wife just went through a real bad case of postpartum rage where she was verbally abusive toward me and I genuinely felt like she hated me. It has left me with what she believes to be ptsd and says she feels very badly about it. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced and it nearly ended our family. Am I over-reacting or was my wife out of line?
Why did she delete the thread when I pressed her to show Sarah?
Was her thank you “gushing” and a bit much, considering the circumstances?
Is my wife really the one that’s two faced?
What should I make of John’s actions with my wife? Should it rub me the wrong way!?
Was telling my wife that we were so lucky to have her flirtatious and should she have replied that they were blessed to have Sarah!?
Would Sarah be hurt by my wife’s conversation with her husband?
Why did my wife feel so anxious to be the one to thank him for the gifts directly and praise him for coming and telling him it meant so much that he brought the kids and waited around?
Thanks in advance

Hello all.
I originally posted this on another sub yesterday and was told I would maybe get a better selection of helpful answers on this sub
I recently found out my wife was cheating on me since February of this year.
Long story short a cardiac episode by me a few years ago and subsequent blood thinners and BP meds sapped my sex drive. I tried talking to her about it a few times over the years but she kept assuring me things were good. Then over the past couple years her parents both passed. This year the anniversary of those events triggered what she called a breakdown and midlife crisis. She convinced herself the lack of sex was not medical and was me seeing someone else so she started going to male review shows and then started seeing someone else.
I had suspicions but she assured me things were good and she would never cheat. Then I found out she did. We argued, then talked. She said she did love me and didn’t want the marriage to end. I told her she had to message this guy and end it. Tell him that it’s over, what they did was wrong and she loves her husband and doesn’t want to hurt him. Then she needs to block the number and delete the contact. She did all this in front of me. I also told her we need to do couples therapy. Which she agreed to
We’ve been more physically intimate and have been reconnecting. We talk more openly like we used to. We talked and she unloaded on me all stuff she had never shared about how she had been treated in past relationships and there’s a lot of unresolved trauma she never dealt with.
We had our first therapy session and we are going to have weekly appointments.
She is trying. And I appreciate that.
But my questions are for those who have been cheated on and stayed together….
How did you rebuild the trust? Every time she is texting someone or working late or weekends (which her job does require from time to time) how do you get past that feeling of doubt. That nagging voice going “is she really working? She told you she was working before when she was really having sex with another guy”
How do you get over the fear that, as she works through her trauma that she will come to realize her shutting everyone out caused her to fall out of love with you. And that feeling isn’t just waiting to be uncovered, but she killed it and buried it and it won’t come back.
Do those feelings ever go away? How did you work through them. I am sure therapy will help but right now all I feel is anger and fear.
Anger, not at the act of cheating ironically, but that had she just been open and honest rather than cloak herself in grief and anger, this could have all been avoided.
And the fear as I described. That when it’s all said and done she killed her feelings for me because that was easier for her than dealing with her pain and trauma. And fear of not getting the ability to trust back, that it will happen again. She rationalized it once and lied about it already
I know I’m in the first steps of this. But any advice would be helpful.