Hi, my soon to be ex husband had a mental breakdown and sought care at two mental health treatment centers in California, one inpatient and one intensive outpatient where he still lived at an affiliated facility. While there, he met and engaged in a sexual relationship with another patient, who we just found out is pregnant. My husband has stated that his ‘girlfriend’ disclosed this relationship to her therapist there and they turned a blind eye.
Do I have any kind of case here? I was trying to reconcile the divorce with my husband when I learned of this news. He has only been out of treatment for two weeks and is not in any state to process this news let alone care for a baby. Due to the divorce, he is jobless, impoverished, and nearly homeless. The pregnant girlfriend is still at the mental facility and not in any state to handle this either.
This all sounds like a joke but I assure you, this is my life.

I (43F) have known an older gentleman for a few years. We have a good professional, working relationship. Personal conversations never really went much beyond small talk.
Personal conversations get more involved, but still pretty light. Work related stuff continues. He confides in me about a few things.
Fast forward a year or so, he’s opening up more and I think he’s flirting with me or trying to express interest. I am attracted to him, but I am unsure of what to do because of our professional relationship. So I do nothing. Back to small talk. Still keeping it professional.
At this point, I hear he is dating (post divorce). I hear he gets serious with someone (did not tell me). Oh well. He gets MARRIED (did not tell me). While I am surprised, it’s still good news! Small(er) talk. Work stuff intensifies. For work, we speak 2x week and email almost daily.
It’s been a few months and he hasn’t said a word to me about his nuptials, wife, anything. I find out later that we had a few calls while he was on his honeymoon. (He did tell me he was traveling during those calls but not the reason). I mean I would have at least sent them a gift. It just feels weird. As much as we talk, I can’t believe he hasn’t said anything. I promise I am not a bunny-boiler or anything. Is he being weird or am I overthinking this (as usual)??

Cassie Carlisle prepares to surprise her billionaire husband, Kayden Steele, with the news of her pregnancy. But before she can even uttera word, he coldly demands a divorce.
How to read The Billionaire's Ex-Wife (Her Ex-Husband's Regret) Novel by Jaike E. Rylee : Read Here

Ministers apologise and return £7,000 in benefits to woman, 93, with dementia
Government ministers have formally apologised and repaid £7,000 to a 93-year-old woman whom they held responsible for running up benefits overpayment debts even though they were told she had dementia and was unable to manage her affairs.
The case, which the minister for disability, Mims Davies, admitted was “disturbing”, was brought to light by the Guardian as part of its investigation into carer's allowance overpayments.
The agreement to write off the debt of the 93-year-old, whom the Guardian has chosen not to name, comes as ministers have promised to try new ways of sharing information with carers to try to prevent them building up months and years of overpayments.
Read the full article on theguardian.com
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DWP confirmed that it is developing an ‘enhanced notification strategy’ to alert carer’s allowance claimants to possible overpayments
Notifications designed to encourage claimants to report changes in income and so reduce the risk of being overpaid.
As part of its policy paper, Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System: Going Further, that was published earlier this week, the Department says (at paragraph 78) -

'In carer’s allowance we are progressing an enhanced notification strategy as part of our existing commitment to improve customer engagement, building on our existing communications with customers. As part of this notification strategy we are considering all forms of targeted contact to find the most effective and efficient solution, such as exploring the use of targeted text messages or emails to alert claimants and encourage them to contact the Department when the DWP is made aware of a potential overpayment.'

The Department added -

'The new strategy will help claimants understand when they may have received an earnings-related overpayment or are at risk of doing so, and will encourage claimants to contact the DWP to meet their obligation to inform the Department of changes in their income and other relevant circumstances. This will reduce the risk of those customers being overpaid.'

Note: having expressed concern that the DWP had 'done nothing' to stop carers building up huge overpayments of benefit despite knowing what people are earning, Work and Pensions Committee Chair Stephen Timms called on the National Audit Office to investigate problems with the carer's allowance system and, in particular, its failure to prevent or rectify overpayments.
Stephen Timms has also written to Secretary for State for Work and Pensions Mel Stride highlighting concerns about the DWP's lack of progress with overpayments since the previous committee's report in 2019. Mr Timms' letter repeats the committee's recommendation that the DWP increase the rate of carer's allowance and goes on to call for the DWP to review both the amount and the cliff-edge nature of the earnings limit and for the removal of the 21-hour study rule.
For more information, see Policy paper: Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System: Going Further from gov.uk
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Carers UK has welcomed the DWP's plans, noting this is the 'minimum' they've been calling for to tackle carers' overpayments. However, Director of Policy and Public Affairs Emily Holzhausen also highlights that implementing the strategy is 'urgent', asks that the whole issue be moved out of being branded benefits fraud, and that carer's allowance be reviewed as it should be 'modernised to reflect the realities of caring'.
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DWP-commissioned research highlights how the carer’s allowance earnings threshold influences decisions about how many hours carers work
Report also makes clear that the Department was made aware three years ago that there was room to improve claimant understanding and possibly reduce mistakes leading to overpayments by improving its communications.
The research, Experiences of claiming and receiving carer’s allowance, explores how and why people claim carer's allowance; their caring roles; experiences of combining paid work and care; and how well claimants understand the rules associated with the benefit. While carried out in 2020/2021, the research has been published today against a backdrop of calls for the wholescale reform of carer's allowance as a result of evidence that claimants who have earned above the carer's allowance earnings limit have been left with large overpayments and, in some cases, prosecuted for fraud.
While the research found that many claimants in employment felt there was a practical limit to the hours they could work, with many saying it was only feasible to be working part-time due to their caring responsibilities, it also found that -

• the earnings threshold appeared to influence decisions about how many hours some people worked. Even though claimants often denied that the threshold influenced their choices, they acknowledged being mindful to stay below the threshold. One claimant felt he had to refuse shifts at work that would take him over the threshold;
• in another example, the earnings limit led a claimant to reduce her hours as her wages increased, and eventually she was working so few hours that her employer felt it was not worth employing her due to her limited availability; and
• some claimants in paid work felt they might work more hours if not for the earnings threshold, and even suggested tapering the carer’s allowance earnings rule to encourage claimants to work more.

Published on the same day that the Work and Pensions Select Committee said that there has been insufficient progress in addressing the problems with carer's allowance that it highlighted five years ago, the research makes clear that the Department has been aware of the issues for some time. For example, it highlights confusion relating to the complexity of the earnings calculation, including how deductions such as childcare expenses and pension contributions are taken account of, and whether wages can be averaged if you earn more in a particular week.
In addition, with the Chair of the Select Committee Stephen Timms having said recently that the DWP has done nothing to stop carers building up huge overpayments despite knowing what people are earning, and the Committee having called on the National Audit Office to investigate the problems with the system, the research found that -

• poor communication on the part of the DWP meant that not all of those that had been overpaid benefit were clear on the reason for the overpayment;
• some said that while they were initially notified or questioned about an overpayment there was then no follow-up from the Department; and
• when the overpayment was initially raised, several claimants felt that they were spoken to or treated by DWP as though they had intentionally committed fraud when the overpayment had been a misunderstanding.

As a result, the research says -

'... there is room to improve claimant understanding and possibly reduce mistakes leading to overpayments by improving communications around eligibility criteria. Since claimants did not engage with the detail of their benefit regularly, possibly only considering it once a year when they received their annual letter, more frequent communications may improve clarity of knowledge around carer’s allowance.'

Other key findings include that -

• most claimants cared for close relatives, with two in five caring for a child (39 per cent), a quarter caring for a spouse or partner (25 per cent), and one in five (22 per cent) caring for a parent;
• caring was a long-term and high-intensity commitment, with half of claimants (52 per cent) spending 65 or more hours caring per week and more than half (54 per cent) caring for between 5 and 20 years;
• only 16 per cent of carer's allowance claimants were currently in paid work, tending to work part- time in lower paid jobs that they were able to fit around their caring responsibilities, with most (81 per cent) working 20 hours or less a week;
• of those not currently in paid work, seven in ten (69 per cent) said this was due to their responsibilities as a carer, with other barriers including a lack of flexible working options, claimants’ own health and confidence issues; and
• there was a lag between starting caring and claiming carer's allowance, with seven in ten claimants (70 per cent) caring for 5+ years, but only 3 in 10 (34 per cent) having claimed carer's allowance for that length of time.

For more information, see Experiences of claiming and receiving carer’s allowance from gov.uk
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Almost 135,000 people currently have an outstanding carer's allowance debt, with more than £250 million owed in total, according to figures supplied by DWP Minister Paul Maynard
DWP Minister also confirms that women represent 68 per cent of those with an outstanding debt.
Responding to a written question in Parliament from Work and Pensions Committee Chair Stephen Timms, Mr Maynard said -

'As of 14 May 2024, the volume of people who have an outstanding carers allowance debt is 134,800 with a total value of £251 million. This figure represents the total stock and as such the total monetary amount may have been accrued over multiple years. Those who have an outstanding carers allowance debt may no longer be in receipt of the benefit.'

Mr Maynard added that -

'Women make up the majority of carer’s allowance claims, and this is reflected in the proportion of those with an outstanding carer’s allowance debt. As of 14 May 2024, there were 42,800 (32 per cent) males, 91,900 (68 per cent) females and 100 (less than 1 per cent) not identified, with an outstanding carer's allowance debt.'

The Minister also confirmed that, as of November 2023, there were more than 991,000 people in receipt of carer's allowance, consisting of around 271,000 (27 per cent) males and 720,000 (73 per cent) females.
Mr Maynard's written answer is available from parliament.uk
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Total value of benefit overpayments in 2023/2024 increased to almost £10 billion, representing 3.7 per cent of benefit expenditure for the year
New DWP figures also show that official error underpayments remained at around £1 billion, and that people could have claimed more than £3 billion more 'if they had provided accurate information about their circumstances'.
In Fraud and error in the benefit system: financial year 2023 to 2024 estimates, the DWP calculates how much money it overpaid or underpaid as a percentage of total benefit expenditure for the year (£266.2bn) - for benefits including universal credit, housing benefit, personal independence payment, employment and support allowance and pension credit - and how many claims were paid an incorrect amount.
Note: the statistics no longer include estimates of claimant error underpayments as these are now published separately, as confirmed in recent DWP guidance.
In relation to incorrect payment rates across all benefits for the financial year ending (FYE) 2024, the figures show that the total rate of benefit expenditure overpaid was 3.7 per cent (£9.7bn), compared with 3.6 per cent (£8.3bn) in 2022/2023. In addition, the total rate of benefit expenditure underpaid was 0.4 per cent (£1.1bn), compared with 0.5 per cent (£1.2bn) in FYE 2023.
Looking in more detail at the figures for individual benefits, the statistics include data showing that -

• for universal credit, expenditure increased to £51.9bn in 2024 with an overpayment rate of 12.4 per cent (£6.5bn) and underpayment rate of 0.3 per cent (£180m), compared to expenditure of £43.4 bn, overpayments at 12.7 per cent (£5.5bn) and underpayments at 0.6 per cent (£240m) in FYE 2023;
• for personal independence payment (PIP), the overpayment rate was at the lowest recorded level of 0.4 per cent (£90m), compared with 1.1 per cent (£200m) in FYE 2023. However, the underpayment rate went up to 0.4 per cent (£80m), from 0.3 per cent (£60m) the previous year;
• for pension credit, the overpayment rate was 9.7 per cent (£520m) in FYE 2024, compared with 6.8 per cent (£330m) in the previous year, with underpayments remaining unchanged at 0.3 per cent (£50m) for both years; and
• for housing benefit, almost £1bn (£980m) was overpaid in FYE 2024 (6.3 per cent of expenditure), compared with £860m (5.7 per cent) in 2023. Underpayments remained stable at 0.4 per cent of spending (£50m in FYE 2024 and £60m in FYE 2023).

In addition to the fraud and error statistics, the DWP has also issued Unfulfilled eligibility in the benefit system: Financial Year Ending (FYE) 2024, in line with its decision to remove claimant underpayments from its main fraud and error estimates. The new statistics set out the percentage of benefit expenditure that could have been paid to people with unfulfilled eligibility 'if they had provided the correct information', and show key findings that include -

• the unfulfilled eligibility rate for 2024 is 1.2 per cent of expenditure (£3.1bn), compared with 1.0 per cent (£2.3bn) in the previous year; and
• universal credit, PIP and disability living allowance (DLA) account for around three-quarters of the total value of unfulfilled eligibility (at £730m, £870m and £750m respectively in FYE 2024).

The DWP highlighted that -

'PIP has the second highest unfulfilled eligibility rate [4 per cent] of all benefits and fairly high expenditure [£21.6bn], so due to this combination, PIP accounts for around one-quarter of total unfulfilled eligibility in FYE 2024. DLA has the highest unfulfilled eligibility rate [11.1 per cent] but relatively low expenditure [£6.8m], so even though its rate is higher than PIP, it accounts for a similar amount of total unfulfilled eligibility in FYE 2024. Universal credit has a lower unfulfilled eligibility rate than DLA and PIP [1.4 per cent] but its high expenditure means that it also accounts for a similar amount of total unfulfilled eligibility in FYE 2024.'

For more information, see Fraud and error in the benefit system: financial year 2023 to 2024 estimates and Unfulfilled eligibility in the benefit system: financial year 2023 to 2024 estimates from gov.uk
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Work and Pensions Secretary Mel Stride has set out the DWP's plans to scale up its 'fight against fraudsters'
New measures include using machine learning to detect and prevent fraudulent claims, as well as introducing a new Bill to enable benefit fraud to be treated like tax fraud.
Issuing a written statement in the House of Commons on 13th May, Mr Stride said -

'In the continued fight against fraud, today the Government will publish a new paper setting out the progress we have made in tackling fraud and error in the welfare system - Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System: Going Further. The paper sets out the progress we have made in delivering the commitments in the Government's 2022 command paper Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System and it demonstrates where we are going further to protect taxpayers’ money from fraudsters.'

Highlighting that the Data Protection and Digital Information Bill, currently before Parliament, will enable the Department to work with third parties such as banks to identify claims that signal potential fraud and error, Mr Stride says that the new measures being introduced include -

• bringing forward a new Fraud Bill in the next parliament to treat benefit fraud like tax fraud, by providing for the ability to make arrests and conduct searches and seizures by warrant;
• exploring a new civil penalty to punish fraudsters, potentially broadening the scope of cases that can receive a penalty when the courts are not prosecuting, and increasing the value of the civil penalty;
• tripling the size of the Targeted Case Review programme to reach almost 6,000 staff with the aim of saving £6.6 billion by 2027/2028; and
• making changes to universal credit including new partly automated checks on self-employed income, new online prompts for claimants to re-declare their circumstances (such as if they have moved in with a partner), and increasing checks on capital when people claim the benefit to ensure they are eligible.

Note: the Department confirms that final decisions on accepting or stopping a claim will, however, continue to be made by a member of DWP staff.
For more information, see DWP updates Fraud Plan from gov.uk
In response to the above article the Disability News Service reported that the government's fraud policy paper ignores coroner’s concerns over review of disabled woman’s universal credit claim. Read the DNS article on disabilitynewsservice.com
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Less than half of legacy benefit claimants who were sent a migration notice between July 2022 and March 2024 have made a claim for universal credit, according to new figures from the DWP
However, new DWP statistics also show that 60 per cent of households that claimed universal credit have been awarded transitional protection.
In Completing the move to Universal Credit: statistics related to the move of households claiming Tax Credits and DWP benefits to Universal Credit: data to end of March 2024, the DWP sets out figures for the period since July 2022, noting that -

'In the period covered by this bulletin, the vast majority of migration notices have been sent to tax credit households whose likelihood of claiming universal credit and receiving transitional protection may be different from DWP legacy benefit claimants, the majority of whom had not yet been sent a migration notice in the period covered in this bulletin.'

The statistics include that -

• a total of 824,050 individuals (in 540,070 households) were sent migration notices up to March 2024 - up by around 300,000 and 200,000 respectively compared to the totals for December 2023;
• a total of 400,940 individuals (49 per cent of those sent migration notices), living in 275,980 households, have made a claim for universal credit;
• of households that have claimed universal credit, 166,860 (60 per cent) have been awarded transitional protection;
• a total of 238,990 individuals who were sent migration notices are still going through the managed migration process; and
• a total of 184,120 individuals who were sent migration notices have had their legacy benefit claims closed.

Move to Universal Credit statistics, July 2022 to March 2024 is available from gov.uk
Note: the DWP has also published Universal Credit statistics, 29 April 2013 to 11 April 2024­ which show that there were 6.7 million people on universal credit in April 2024 (300,000 more than the 6.4 million in January 2024) and that half of households on universal credit that received a payment in February 2024 included children.
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Department for Communities also confirms that claimants in receipt of other legacy benefits will be issued with migration notices 'in the coming months'
The Department for Communities (DfC) has confirmed that the 'Move to UC' rollout in Northern Ireland has expanded this week to include people receiving tax credits along with housing benefit.
Announcing the expansion of the process, Deputy Secretary of Work and Health at the DfC Paddy Rooney said -

'We continue to take a measured and carefully managed approach to migrating legacy benefit recipients to universal credit. We have already successfully completed issuing migration notices to tax credit only recipients and we will continue to take every step possible to ensure that everyone receives the help and support they need during this next phase of Move to UC.'

The Department also confirmed that once it has issued migration notices to all those receiving tax credits with housing benefit, the following groups will be contacted in this order -

• people claiming income support;
• people claiming housing benefit only, and those claiming child tax credit with income-related employment and support allowance (ESA); and
• people claiming income-based jobseeker's allowance.

In relation to the bringing forward of managed migration for ESA and ESA/housing benefit claimants in Great Britain, announced by the Prime Minister on 19 April 2024, the DfC says that it is working to assess the impact of this on the region. It also confirms that it will align with the DWP's aim to complete the migration of legacy benefit claimants to universal credit by March 2025.
For more information, see Tax credit with housing benefit recipients next to 'Move to UC' and Rollout of Universal Credit for Tax Credit and Legacy Benefit customers - screening from ni.gov.uk
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57,000 adverse universal credit sanction decisions were made in January 2024, according to new DWP statistics
DWP statistics also highlight that around 95 per cent of decisions are as a result of failure to attend or participate in a mandatory interview.
In Benefit sanctions statistics to February 2024, the DWP reports on both the rate and duration of sanctions for universal credit claimants who are in conditionality regimes where they be applied.
Key findings include that -

• in February 2024, 30.1 per cent of claimants were in conditionality regimes that were subject to sanctions and, of these, 6.52 per cent were sanctioned - down 0.64 percentage points from the previous quarter;
• over the last year, 94.9 per cent of adverse sanction decisions were for failure to attend or participate in a mandatory interview; and
• in February 2024, there were 20,000 completed sanctions in the 4 weeks to 13 weeks sanction duration band, 4,800 in the over 13 weeks to 26 weeks duration band, and 4,000 of over 26 weeks duration.

In addition, while the total number of claimants in conditionality regimes where sanctions can be applied has remained largely stable since May 2022 (currently at 1.95 million), the total number of adverse sanction decisions stood at 57,000 in January 2024, the highest since March 2022.
The DWP notes that -

'Comparisons with universal credit prior to February 2024 ... should not be made. This is because the data sources, methodology and rules of the benefits differ from those used for universal credit currently.'

However, it adds that, following the reinstated duration measures and rate methodology improvements, the data is now determined stable and fit for purpose and, as of May 2024, it is published under the 'Official Statistics' label as opposed to 'in development'.
For more information, see Benefit sanctions statistics to February 2024 from gov.uk
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DWP has admitted missing multiple opportunities to record the 'vulnerability' of a disabled woman whose death was later linked by a coroner to failings at the heart of its UC system
The Disability News Service reported on the case of Nazerine (known as Naz) Anderson, from Melton Mowbray, who died of an overdose in June last year, after receiving a UC review notice.
According to a prevention of future deaths (PFD) report sent to the department by coroner Fiona Butler, the DWP missed six opportunities to record Anderson’s “vulnerability” on its IT system while it was reviewing her universal credit claim, and had failed to act on the mental distress she showed in phone calls about her claim. It also repeatedly failed to act on requests to direct its telephone calls and letters to her daughter.
The DWP admits multiple universal credit failures before disabled woman’s death article is available on disabilitynewsservice.com
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Number of emergency food parcels distributed across the UK by the Trussell Trust has increased by 90 per cent over the past five years
Food charity reports that it distributed more than three million parcels last year, with more than a million of them going to children.
In Emergency food parcel distribution in the UK: April 2023 - March 2024, the Trust says that it distributed 3,121,404 food parcels, the most parcels that it has ever distributed in a financial year, representing a four per cent increase on last year's record-breaking numbers for 2022/2023 and a 94 per cent increase since 2018/2019.
The charity also highlights that the number of parcels provided to children has continued to rise, exceeding 1.1 million in 2023/2024, and that food bank support is provided disproportionately to children, compared to the proportion of children in the UK population. In addition, it notes that pension age households are increasingly likely to need to use a food bank, with food bank support for these households having more than quadrupled between 2018/2019 and 2023/2024 (an increase of 345 per cent), compared to an 81 per cent rise amongst households without someone of pension age.
Also sharing statistics on the reason for referral for an emergency food parcel - which include health, benefit issues, work hour changes, insecure housing, changes in personal circumstances, immigration status and domestic abuse, as well as income and debt levels - the Trussell Trust says -

'Across all households the most common reason for referral was due to issues with income and debt levels. The vital role of the social security system in driving these trends is clear from the fact that the majority (78 per cent) of people referred to food banks were reported to solely have income from the social security system, with a further 8 per cent having earned income as well as income from social security.'

Trussell Trust Chief Executive Emma Revie said -

'It’s 2024 and we’re facing historically high levels of food bank need. As a society, we cannot allow this to continue. We must not let food banks become the new norm ... A supportive social security system is the bedrock on which we end hunger for good. Building on this, we need much more effective employment and financial support for parents, carers and disabled people, and action to ensure everyone can have the security we all need to access opportunities and have hope for the future, through more secure and flexible jobs and investment in social housing. Food banks are not the answer. They will be there to support people as long as they are needed, but our political leaders must take bold action to build a future where everyone has enough money to afford the life’s essentials. The time to act is now.'

For more information, see End of Year Stats from trusselltrust.org
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Employment Minister Jo Churchill has provided a House of Lords Select Committee with an undertaking that the administrative earnings threshold (AET) in universal credit will not be increased again without a 'sound evidence base'
However, Minister's evidence to Lords Committee fails to address its dissatisfaction with DWP's explanation for not publishing robust evidence to support previous increases in the threshold.
Further to the Lords Secondary Legislation Scrutiny Committee's report on new regulations that implemented a further increase in the AET from 13 May 2024 - that criticised the ‘inexplicable’ lack of data evaluating previous increases in the threshold in September 2022 and January 2023 - the Committee held a one-off evidence session yesterday to question the Minister and DWP officials.
Introducing the session, Committee Chair Lord Hunt acknowledged that the DWP had agreed to share its informal findings supporting its AET policy. However Lord Hunt added that -

'... similar, no doubt to the material that the Social Security Advisory Committee saw but correctly declined, if information is not available to the House and the public, then we feel unable to consider it either.'

The Committee then questioned the Minister about the Department's failure to publish evidence providing an assessment of the impact of increasing the AET either before or after implementing the change.
In response, Ms Churchill highlighted that the Department did publish a randomised controlled trial evaluation in 2018 providing the highest level of evidence on the impacts of increased in-work conditionality that Ministers have had sight of. When challenged that this evidence is somewhat outdated and 'a bit threadbare' - as it has been relied on for three increases in the AET - Ms Churchill indicated that Ministers also had early sight of unpublished research (a Regression Discontinuity Design (RDD) study) that compares the experiences of claimants who are just below and just above the AET.
When pressed on the expected publication dates for this and further evidence, Mr Churchill said -

'I have asked for [the RDD study] to be available as soon as it can be, and the date I was given was spring 2024 ... I would like it out the door as soon as possible, so you have more data ... RDD is the next piece, the next building block and then, the longitudinal study will come through in 2025.'

Concluding the session with a final question, Lord Hunt, speaking on behalf of the whole Committee, said -

'... we're looking for an undertaking from you, not to further expand the cohort until the Department can publish robust evidence of its effects. Are you able to give us that undertaking?

Ms Churchill responded -

'So are you alluding to us holding 15 hours or with this latest laying at 18? Because I could certainly say to you, I think with all confidence that at 18, we want to understand the iterations and make sure that we've got a sound evidence base from there.'

NB - the increase in the AET in January 2023 was based, for individuals, on the equivalent of them working 15 hours per week at the National Living Wage, and this week's increase to the equivalent of them working 18 hours per week.
Despite welcoming the Minister's reply, Lord Hunt went on to say -

'... we accept your undertaking, except we are still as dissatisfied as we were because you haven't provided, in the view of the Committee, sufficient explanation yet. We are awaiting this robust evidence, which I think that we now expect in June 2024.'

The evidence session Regulations to increase the Administrative Earnings Threshold (Legislative scrutiny) is available from parliament.tv
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Work and Pensions Select Committee has called on the government to bring forward proposals to compensate women born in the 1950s who suffered as a result of the DWP's communication failures when their pension age was increased, and asks that it does so in the current parliamentary session
Committee chair highlights lengthy delay and urgency for affected women and calls on government to act on Parliamentary Ombudsman recommendations before summer recess.
Writing to Secretary of State for Work and Pensions Mel Stride, Committee Chair Stephen Timms requests government support for 'urgent action' following the Parliamentary Ombudsman's final report in March 2024 which recommended a remedy based on level 4 of its severity of injustice scale, putting awards at between £1,000 and £2,950.
Mr Timms says that the Committee does not seek to question the Ombudsman's proposal for compensation at level 4, but instead has focused on what a remedy may look like -

'The evidence we received indicated support for a rules-based system. This would be a system where payments would be adjusted within a range (based on the PHSO’s severity of injustice scale) to reflect the extent of change in the individual’s State Pension age and the notice of the change which the individual received. This would mean that the less notice you had of the change and the bigger the change in your SPA, the higher the payment you would receive. While not perfect, the advantages of such a system are that it would be: quick to administer; applying known data to a formula to determine the amount due; and relatively inexpensive (compared to a more bespoke system).'

The Committee's recommendation also includes some flexibility for individuals to make the case for further compensation in the event that they have experienced direct financial loss, for example where a woman whose divorce settlement was less than it would have been because it was based on the expectation that she would receive her state pension at 60.
Mr Timms also asks the government to consider -

'... the need for urgent action, given that the Ombudsman started to look at this issue in 2018 and that every 13 minutes a woman born in the 1950s dies ... Implementing a remedy will need parliamentary time, financial resources, and the data and technical systems only available to your department. It cannot happen without government support. We would ask you to bring forward proposals for a remedy by the summer recess.'

Mr Timms' letter to the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions is available from parliament.uk
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From my Common Dreams article, "How Nations Can End Israel’s Genocide in Gaza" is the excerpt below on the partnership of US tech giants with Israel, which signed cloud computing contracts with Google and Amazon. For those who want to end Israel's genocide in Gaza and occupation of Palestine, the question looms, "How do we divorce ourselves, our institutions-universities, school districts, local governments--from these tech giants that are now suspected of providing AI-assisted targeted killings of thousands of civilians in Gaza?" Please post your thoughts on launching strategic boycotts against these tech giants.
https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/nations-end-israel-s-genocide
"Internal dissent rocks Google in the United States, where employees waving Palestinian flags shut down Market Street (12/14/23) in San Francisco to protest Google’s Project Nimbus, a $1.2 billion contract with the Israeli military for cloud computing engineered by Google and Amazon. Months earlier, before October 7, hundreds of Amazon and Google tech workers protested the contract in four cities across the country with signs reading, “No Tech for Apartheid.” In an open letter,anonymous employees in 2021 charged that the Nimbus contract greenlights “unlawful data collection on Palestinians, and facilitates expansion of Israel’s illegal settlements on Palestinian land.”
Multinational corporations like Microsoft, Google, IBM, and Intel all have offices in Israel. Google’s 8,000 square mile campus in Tel Aviv occupies eight floors of Electra Tower, with one floor reserved for Google’s “Campus Tel Aviv,” a hub for entrepreneurs and start-up companies. Hewlett-Packard—a target of the global BDS movement—profits off the Israeli occupation with biometric identification, hand and facial recognition, used at checkpoints throughout the West Bank, where excruciating wait times can take Palestinians all day to reach family in a village 30 miles away."
And then there's this ...
https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2024/4/23/what-is-project-nimbus-and-why-are-google-workers-protesting-israel-deal
"Known as Project Nimbus, the joint contract between Google and Amazon signed in 2021 aims to provide cloud computing infrastructure, artificial intelligence (AI) and other technology services to the Israeli government and its military, which has faced condemnation for its war on Gaza, described by United Nations experts and several countries as a “genocide”.
Some might suggest the university encampments, once the term ends, establish encampments in front of Amazon warehouses and operations until Amazon agrees to terminate its contract with Israel. Others might press on the divestment front, where Amazon and Microsoft are at the top of the list for the S & P 500. Your thoughts?

I say "apparently" because... well... you'll see.
This happened decades ago now, back in primary school. I only remembered it because I was recently catching up with old friends from back then, and we got to laughing over old stories and then someone mentioned, "The wildest was when you organised that whole protest against our teacher."
"The time I did what?"
The consensus was I did, indeed, organise the entire class to rebel against our teacher that resulted in her being deposed and our class getting a "substitute" for the rest of the year. I almost fell out of my chair hearing this story from their mouths. It wasn't that I didn't remember it, of course I did--that year was awful. It was just that it existed very differently in my memory.
Two important pieces of background knowledge to understand here:

1. I went to a very very small, very very rural school. How small? Each classroom was composed of the entire year level, and the largest had at most 30 kids in them. My class/year level was on the smallest in the entire school, with a piddling 14 kids in it altogether. While we still had our cliques and factions, our small size caused our class to be very tight knit and protective of each other. How rural? The school building itself was incredibly small, but one thing we were not short on was gigantic empty fields surrounding us on all sides. Great for sports, great for (it turns out) student protests.
2. I was, at the time, undiagnosed autistic. I mean I still am autistic, I'm just formally diagnosed now. But back then I was just seen as being a very quirky kid. One of the ways this quirkiness manifested was that I really had trouble adapting to the rules and structure of grade school and how it differed from what I was used to. At home if I wanted to pee, I just went to the toilet. Now I have to put my hand up? Now I have to ask permission to piss? Then I went home and put my hand up to ask my mom for permission to pee and she told me I didn't need to! Madness! Chaos! I don't care what the rules are, please just be consistent!

But one of the main parts of my brain and the way it works is that sometimes my brain, separate from my will, would just make a decision about a course of action and I would very calmly commit to it come hell or high water. Like, it is vitally important that I stay true to this course of action. I can't explain it. It's like I set a rule for myself and if something disrupts that, I just shut down and stop functioning.
So when the school said, "Okay, when this bell rings during recess/lunch, that means you have to leave the playground and go back to class", I was a confused child already struggling with all these completely nonsensical limitations and guidelines imposed on me. So when that bell rang, I got that calm little voice in my head that said, "Hmm, no, I'm good out here actually. I don't think I will go back into class." So I would just continue to sit out on the playground, playing with my plastic spider toys or sitting on the swing. Teachers would realise what was going on and come out to get me and tell me I have to go back to class, and I would just very calmly hear them out and then smile at them and politely as possible tell them, "No thank you, I want to stay out here."
They really didn't know what to do with me. I wasn't getting upset, I wasn't throwing a tantrum, I wasn't yelling, I wasn't being rude in any way. I was incredibly docile and would let them explain things to me with endless patience and then just politely refute them and go back to what I was doing, like this was just a very normal and reasonable negotiation between two equal parties. I have memories of sitting on the swing while three very confused and flustered adult staff huddled around me trying to bribe me with candy to go back to class. It would take a whole lesson block to lure me back to the classroom, and then at lunch the whole thing would start over again. It took me three years at school to finally accept the status quo thanks to a religious nutter I got for a teacher, and finally went back to class when the bell rang (was never happy about it though).
I eventually settled into school life. Excelled at subjects I liked, at least passed subjects I didn't, followed the rules, was seen as intelligent and obedient and was often liked by my teachers. Until my final year, when we got the teacher I can only rudely monniker Mrs Bigmouth.
Mrs Bigmouth should not have been a teacher. She had a trigger temper and would explode into long, verbally abusive tirades against us if we ever did anything she felt was disrespectful behaviour. What was disrespectful behaviour? Damned if I know. It changed day by day, depending on mood. You could disrespect her to her face one day and she'd laugh and say you have such razor wit, and politely ask a question the next and she'd scream at you for ten nonstop minutes then give you a week of DT for talking back. The absolute peak moment of her boiling temper came when she threw a dictionary at a girl's head because she was whispering to me in class. When I tell you it missed her by half an inch...
But believe it or not, this wasn't what made her such an awful teacher. It was so hard to get teachers at rural schools back then, there was almost nothing you could do to get fired, so we had experience with teachers with nightmare tempers. What made her such an issue was her big mouth. She used us, her trapped audience, as free therapy. She would infodump, traumadump, about her very personal, very private life to us. All day. She'd be two words into a spelling list and launch into an extended story session about her marital issues with her husband. We'd be heads down doing fractions and, unprompted, she'd declare to the class that her adult daughter no longer talks to her and then diatribe to us about it until the bell rang. She had money issues, a contentious relationship with her parents, her marriage was on the rocks. She once pulled me aside after school and spoke with me, at length, about how she was thinking of having another child to try to repair her marriage. I was like, okay lady, I'm 11, about to miss my bus, and my house is a 4 hour walk on foot from here.
We weren't learning. We'd hadn't had a complete lesson since the first week of the school year. We were behind on the cirriculum and frustrated. One kid had brought a stopwatch into school and would time lessons vs her monologues and kept detailed lists, and we would come to school each morning and do betting pools on them. What subject would she interrupt, what would she talk about, and how long would it go.
But all that still wasn't the breaking point if you can believe it. No! Still not! The problem was it wasn't just her own private life she couldn't keep her mouth shut about. It was everyone else's. Because parents would make the reasonable assumption that she should be told things as our class teacher that would be important to know, and that she would understand these things were said in confidence. Instead she would veer randomly off in the middle of talking to us about her horrible weekend to let us know whatever private or traumatic thing was going on in a classmate's life that she had been made aware of. That was awful. That was what made that year hell. It wasn't even about when my secrets were shared with the entire class against my consent. It was watching the faces of my small, lovely, supportive class of 11 year old children go pale and scrunch up with held-back tears as things they never wanted to share were announced like morning news. God we hated her.
Then one day that voice came. The one I hadn't heard in years. The bell ring to go back into class and that voice said, "But I don't want to be in that classroom. I'm not even being taught there." So I just... didn't. I didn't go back to class. I just sat in the playground in a daze eating grass (don't eat grass, it's not good for your teeth). Despite how small my class was, I don't think Mrs Bigmouth even noticed I wasn't there. Others did though. Come lunch and everyone came out, my friends asked me where I was and I said, "Oh, I didn't go back to class."
"Why didn't you go back to class?"
"Why would I go back to class?"
Lightbulb moment for my schoolmates. Yeah, why would they go back to class? What was the point? From a practical standpoint, they weren't learning. From an emotional standpoint, it was horrible to be there. A friend who had had her family's dirty laundry aired to the entire class just last week, things even she didn't know because her parents tried to keep it from her, asked if she could sit with me rather than go back to class. I just stared at her, vacant and confused.
"Sure? I mean, I'm just eating grass though."
Over the next few days, two kids turned into four, turned into ten, turned into the whole class. The whole class was doing a sit-out protest on the field rather than go back to class. Of course Mrs Bigmouth tried to do something about it. She'd come out, screaming at us and threatening us with DT and internal suspension, but six months of that behaviour had totally vaccinated us against her. I'd become the de facto leader and spokesperson of the protest by merit of being the first to sit out and also because I was well known to not give a shit (autistic brain: I actually just frequently had trouble reading and reacting with the correct social behaviour but it gave me a cool and aloof bad boy mystique I guess). I gave her the exact same treatment from back in grade one. I would let her scream, let her holler, let her threaten, let her spittle rain down on me, and then I would give her a sweet and innocent smile and nod in acknowledgement and say, "No thank you, we're going to remain out here." And thirteen pairs of eyes would stare at her in total silence. No one, not even the most gobbermouthed little shite in the class, would volunteer a word. The unspoken agreement was all negotiations were my responsibility.
The thing about angry people is that they feed off conflict. They get you angry so they can respond with even more anger and it nourishes them. She had no absolutely no plan of action on how to deal with me patiently hearing her out then refuting her in the gentlest of terms.
Another thing that ended up helping down the line is that we made an attempt to conduct our own classes. I mean, they sucked and we didn't learn much because we were kids with no supervision, but it was really cute in retrospect. We'd have groups of people assigned to subjects, with some people bringing in words they found in a dictionary for spelling lists and others bringing in old 6th grade homework from older siblings. The heart was there and it served a purpose, if not educational.
"Okay, but how did no one else notice this was happening? Surely people would notice 14 kids sitting on the lawn, not in class?"
Rural school. Big. Empty. Fields. Even screaming at us, the most other classrooms would hear would be muffled voices, and everyone was used to hearing her yelling at us or taking us out onto the field abruptly to make us do laps as group punishment. Plus the way the school buildings were arranged was that it was actually all in one straight line of adjacent rooms, and ours happened to be at the very end of the building. No windows faced the field we all sat in except that of our own classroom. It was just a very lucky arrangement of coincidences and preconceived notions, at least for a couple weeks. I couldn't tell you the exact number, this was so long ago and as a kid I definitely had a more stretched idea of time. Minutes felt like hours, especially during that year. But there was definitely at least two weekends that passed by since the "sit-out protest" started.
Eventually someone cottoned on to what was happening, or maybe Mrs Bigmouth humbled herself and finally confessed to her boss that she had lost control of a bunch of 11-year-olds, so we were called into the principal's office to sort this out. As the representative of our class, I was of course chosen to attend the meeting, flanked by the girl who'd had the dictionary thrown at her head and my friend who was the first to sit out with me. Since I understood that this meeting was one where we were probably going to be yelled at for doing the wrong thing, a thing I had ample experience of, I felt like the easiest way to mitigate things (especially since I felt guilty for being the instigator) was to explain in a very rational and logical way the series of events that led up to our bad behaviour. As well, for my entire life my mother had always taught me that it was no good complaining about things unless you were also willing to think of solutions. "I'm hungry!" - "Well, what's a solution to that problem?" - "Uh, make myself a sandwich?" - "Great! Let's do that together!"
So what did I do? Of course, to make things as clean and concise as possible, I interviewed my class one by one to hear each individual story of why they didn't feel comfortable going to class anymore, itemised them under categories (Verbal Aggression; Interruptions of Lessons; Oversharing Student Life) for easier discussion because my little quirky brain loved itemising things, and then as a kind of olive branch came up with solutions (we wanted to finish lessons unhindered, we wanted our personal privacy to be respected, we wanted to be able to catch our bus on time rather than being held back with unfair DT or long "chats"). So many things sort of came together in this beautiful, wholly accidental way. We had months of records of timed rants and monologues, noted down to the millisecond thanks to that kid's stopwatch. We had records of us trying to teach ourselves during the protests, showing this wasn't us just not wanting to go to class but due to us feeling as though we did not have a class to go to. When the principal heard all this, her jaw it the floor. A lot of it was stuff she knew, peripherally, but things had just never been laid out so neatly before. Some of it was stuff we'd complained to parents about, but it was one kid coming home and telling one parent one time, weeks ago. There was no real sense, up until now, the sheer scope of her behaviour. She didn't even answer us. She just said, "Okay, I need to call your parents."
We got the rest of the week off school. That weekend, every parent of every student came to a meeting between them, Mrs Bigmouth, and the principal. Stories were swapped. My exercise book with my tidy little lists and the records of the betting pool and monologue times were confiscated and brought into the meeting. I don't know what went down, but when my mother came home she just told me that Mrs Bigmouth would not be our problem for the rest of the school year, and more importantly, that she was incredibly proud of me and that I did the right thing. Rarely in my childhood had my inability to integrate into normal society led me to doing the right thing, so I just remember crying and hugging and feeling vindicated about, I don't know, just existing or something.
So yeah. From the outside perspective here is what it looked like: I, the ringleader with a history of dismissing school rules, organised a sit-out strike amongst my class. I kept the protest peaceful and non-disruptive to other classes. When negotiations with the principal were finally arranged, as the representative I compiled a clear list of greivances, with evidence, and a list of reasonable demands. I mean, holy crap, yes, yes I clearly organised a student protest.
The actual results of it are mixed. We got a revolving door of substitute teachers of varying quality for the rest of the school year, occasionally being bundled into other classrooms entirely when they couldn't find someone. It wasn't a great learning environment and we continued to struggle a lot, but it was better than before. Mrs Bigmouth was not actually fired but put on leave for the rest of the school year, then returned and was put in charge of a different year level (which happened to be the class of the younger sister of a guy in my class: according to him, she was quiet as a church mouse that entire year so I hope at least she learned her lesson, or at least finally got divorced and went to actual therapy). The entire ordeal caused our already small and close class to become really really supportive and like family to each other and we all remain in touch until this day. And we became fierce about standing up for ourselves.
I kind of learned to parse the difference between when it was appropriate to go along with set societal rules even if I don't understand them, and when those rules were just straight up unreasonable and nobody should be required to follow them. I did, years alter, lead an actual (very small) strike at work but intentionally that time. My mother was proud of me then too. :)

Today is my due date with first pregnancy! I’m 41 years old and have a loving boyfriend who is several years older than me with two teenage boys so he’s been through this before. Everything has been going fine in my pregnancy - essentially no morning sickness, normal genetic screenings, normal ultrasounds, normal glucose tolerance testing, normal blood pressures. I’ve been followed by MFM clinic given my age and doing weekly antenatal testing since 36 weeks with everything being normal so far, including amniotic fluid levels and fetal heart monitoring. I’ve had some anxiety just with this being my first pregnancy and having been previously married in a marriage that was not good. I essentially came to the understanding that I would never have children. The marriage ended have been divorced since fall 2022. I met my boyfriend last spring and we just clicked and things felt perfect - like a whole new outlook on life full of opportunities. It was amazing and incredible news to learn we were pregnant last fall. During my pregnancy we have been primarily seeing one midwife who we love and trust. At around 36 weeks she mentioned possibility of cervical ripening and induction but didn’t dwell on it and said if things were going well with no concerning findings on monitoring or concerning symptoms, she’d be ok with letting me progress without planned induction during the 39th week. I’ve subsequently seen other midwives just due to scheduling availability, and to meet other midwives in case our primary one isn’t at the delivery. Upon meeting new midwives, the recommendation for planned induction was pushed heavily on me, including possibility of use of the balloon to help with cervical ripening. A date was scheduled this past week to start an outpatient cervical ripening protocol but on the day we were to start that, I was seen in L&D and had fetal heart monitoring which was normal. By sheer luck we saw our usual midwife and spoke with her about giving the baby more time as long as everything was still going well and all monitoring was normal. She supported that and arranged for another antenatal monitoring appointment with MFM on Monday (2 days from now) and a follow up with her. Now that today is the baby’s due date and no signs of early labor, although I am feeling more pressure in my pelvis that may be engagement of the baby, my boyfriend is pushing to go in to L&D triage today just to be seen and monitored despite having an appointment in 2 days. I feel like I’m at a loss of what to do and second guessing myself because of him being impatient. I’ve been walking, doing some yoga, using yoga ball, stretching, drinking raspberry leaf tea, eating dates, having sex, etc. All the things that could potentially help induce labor (I know some have no real science behind it but why not?) but no true contractions yet and I still feel overall really good and can feel the baby moving normally. Anyone else in my age range with no comorbidities and normal fetal monitoring who declined elective induction? I don’t want unnecessary stress or anxiety to overwhelm me at this point but also want to be sensitive to my boyfriend’s concerns since today is the due date. He scared me this morning saying I may end up with a c-section but I feel like that’s a strong assumption to make. I’m thinking maybe I should just do an elective induction to get things going even though it wasn’t what I imagined or hoped for at this point.

First of all, I would like to say THANK YOU to all of you that showed so much love to my first post ever in Reddit!
Since my girl Millie got too much hate for wearing white and ruining the best photo of the wedding, I decided to write her sad story and share it with all of you. It's a LONG tale, full of ups and mostly downs (TLDR at the end of the post). Sooo, grab some cookies and popcorn while I spill the tea ;)
******WARNING******** The story features what I believe to be unsettling content (pregnancy loss) for some. It's hidden as spoiler, so please don't click it if it's a sensitive issue for you. <3
Our story starts with poor young adult who shall not be named (because I don't remember her name). God (me) had big plans and challenges for her, as she started with 0 simoleons in an off the grid island, with hopes of her becoming a millionaire. She moved in the big island without money, a place to sleep, a toilet, nothing. The challenge goes like this: raise money from beachcombing, buy a towel to sleep on, buy a bush to pee in, snorkel, plant and build a life from zero. And, under no circumstances communicate with another sim.
This challenge was too difficult. The loneliness and hardships, the struggle to just survive and find food, led this young girl to her death by drowning in the middle of the ocean. It was too soon, so God decided to try this challenge again, giving the new sim a head start.
That leads us to the protagonist of the story, Millie Carson.
Millie Carson is a young adult who moved in the same island, like a castaway. All she found on that island was a towel, some planted trees, a toilet bush and a grave.
The ghost from the grave came often to haunt and tease her and finally became her enemy.
At first, young Millie tried to stay away from other sims but, since they kept coming and visiting, God decided that it was ok for her to have some friends.
Millie's neighbors were Miki and Ali, a happy couple with two babies. They kept visiting and bringing food to their poor young neighbor, since she was struggling so much. Millie grew close with Ali, who came swimming to her island sometimes.
Meanwhile, Millie learned some skills that earned her some money and food. She became really good at fitness, gardening and fishing. Little by little, she earned enough money to buy diving supplies and took up some diving photography and treasure hunting. All those helped her build a tiny wood home which finally had a toilet and a shower and even a fridge. Life was getting better for Millie, until she started having feelings for her married neighbor...
Millie was attracted to Ali: his long blond hair, his green eyes and dark skin. To her surprise, Ali was interested in her as well. She tried to fight it but it was over her own power to resist. They made sweet woohoo and became a couple, while he was still married with two kids.
Love makes you do stupid things and that's what happened to Millie. She fell in love with a married man and, surprise surprise, she got pregnant with his kid.
While on her 1st trimester, she visited her neighbolover's home to tell him the news. His wife, Miki, opened the door and the sight was unbelievable: She was pregnant as well, on her 3rd trimester. Millie chatted with Miki as nothing was wrong and even socialized with her kids for a bit. But it was now time for Ali to learn the truth. Millie pulled him aside and told him everything.
To her surprise, Ali was content with being a parent to their child. Millie felt his support and fell even harder for him, causing her to do the unthinkable: Woohoo with him all over his tiny house while his wife and two kids were inside! They woohood EVERYWHERE: The small single bed, the kitchen sink, the counters, standing... They almost got caught by Miki, but hopefully she was so pregnant that it took her an eternity to reach the woohoo spot.
Millie started thinking about their future. Tormented by her jealousy, she asked Ali about Miki. Miki's super pregnant belly was an indicator that Ali still loves and woohoos with his wife, two-timing both women. To her dismay, Ali confessed his love about Miki, but he was willing to keep his relationship with Millie. But that wasn't enough for Millie...
Without hesitation, Millie served Ali an ultimatum: It's her or Miki. No love triangles, no hiding. Her kid needed a father and she needed support as a poor young woman. All those pregnancy hormones made her unreasonable - she came between a happy couple and now she felt that her lover's wife stole him from her, even though they were already together! The irony!
Millie couldn't get over her feelings, so she invited Miki over and told her EVERYTHING. That she was pregnant. That the father was poor Miki's husband. Miki got even yelled at for sleeping with her own husband. Millie was out of control.
Like a tsunami, a force that couldn't be stopped, Millie called over Ali and told him to break it off with his wife. It was now or never. Ali did as told and suddenly Miki broke down crying, hating life and those two who ruined it.
Eventually, Miki left and the.. happy couple were finally alone. Millie asked Ali to move in and he gladly accepted. He even proposed and they stayed engaged until after their baby girl, Angelique, was born.
Meanwhile, even though Miki was hating them, she still came over with extra food like a good neighbor. But her relations with the couple never improved much.
The happy couple decided to get married. Millie wore a pretty but simple boho white dress, hair down and golden jewelry. But her joyful smile was the prettiest jewel she could wear. It was a lovely, quiet wedding on the seashore, during sunset.
Soon after, Millie got pregnant again but wasn't ready or happy for it. Unfortunately, there were some complications with the pregnancy and baby Donovan was born dead. They buried him under a lemon tree and cried for many seasons about him.
Ali started helping Millie with gardening, fishing and diving. But his dream was to finally earn his degree in Communications. He still had 3 classes to pass and then he could enter the PR world. He soon earned his degree with a low to medium score and was ready to start working. There was a huge problem, though...
The island was off the grid and he could not apply for the job, not use the very much needed internet. A decision had to be made: Should they live on this island forever, living off the land, or they should move somewhere else and follow Millie's dream to become millionaires?
The choice was easy. The couple moved to Finchwick, in a big cottage house with a big garden, front and back. They brought with them the plants they had gardened with so much love and also bought some chickens. Life was good for a while, baby Angelique was growing but woohoo life was... fine.
Ali found a job in PR and had to work all day, even from home. He had to polish his charisma and writing skills and meet new people. So, that made Millie a stay at home mom, a gardener, a housekeeper. But there was no time for her lifestyle needs: outdoor living and working out. She became frustrated and was always in a bad and uncomfortable mood. She had gained a lot of weight from her pregnancy, she hardly recognized herself in the mirror...All this bad mood made her cranky. Everytime Ali tried to woohoo with her, she had no drive. So, their love life went down the drain...
Meanwhile, Ali was doing great at work, earning at least 2000 simoleons per day. He had met many people, and one of them became a really good friend of his. His name was Gabriel and he was thin, with black short hair, dark skin and modern makeup.
Ali was tormented by his feelings when he hang out with Gabriel. He couldn't understand how a man can be attracted to another guy like that. He was open to the idea, but had never acted upon it. It wasn't the looks - Gabriel was pretty basic. But there was something about the both of them that made him feel... amazing. The attention he got from Gabriel, the friendship.. It was like they knew each other from another lifetime.
Every time Gabriel came over, Ali got excited. He was interested in his words and inner world, not only his appearance. One night, he couldn't take it anymore. While they were talking the backyard table, Ali started flirting with Gabriel. Things got heated fast and they shared the most beautiful first kiss. That was exactly what he always wanted to feel, but was missing from his other relationships. He proposed to have woohoo in the home office, while Millie and Angelique were sleeping unaware upstairs...
They woohood hard and many times. It was a total WoohooFest. Morning came and Ali, having not slept at all, got ready to go to work. He didn't forget to kiss his wife goodbye, but he spent the entire day thinking about Gabriel. By night, he had decided to ask Gabriel to become his boyfriend.
Millie on the other side, was getting better. She bought a walking machine and she often went swimming in the river. Her woohoo drive was coming back strong and that meant more time with her beloved husband. They started woohooing more often, but Ali was also missing Gabriel...
God suddenly had an idea! Ali should ask Millie to have expanded woohoo with someone else, and that someone else couldn't be other than (yes, you guessed it) Gabriel. Ali went on and asked his wife and God told her that yes, it would be fun! So, unaware of God and her husband's plans, she happily accepted to engage in multiple sim woohoo...
Ali was so excited! He couldn't believe his ears! He immediately called over Gabriel and explained the situation. Gabriel accepted as well and it was time for Gabriel to meet with Millie. Millie tried to get to know him but for some reason he was distant. She tried to flirt with him but he didn't reciprocate. Millie got embarrassed and locked herself in her room for some time, to recollect herself. It shouldn't be so hard, right?
At the same time, Ali made his move on Gabriel and they woohood. Gabriel was more than excited to get together with Ali. So, why not Millie?
After Millie got over her embarrassment, she came out the room. Ali proposed having multiple woohoo and they did it. Everyone had a pleasant time.
After that, they got together two more times. But, the last time, at Gabriel's house, was the final blow.
Millie kept trying to flirt alone with Gabriel, not getting the message but, DUDE. He was NOT into her. It was heartbreaking. She tried so hard for her husband, her self esteem and again, she was turned down. A second choice. She didn't deserve it. And then, she though about it. The flirt between Ali and Gabriel. How they would have woohoo, the three of them, but Gabriel was rejecting her. It was time for answers...
Millie first told Ali to end the expanded woohoo agreement. It was too much for her. He wasn't happy about it, but he agreed. And then, she asked the million dollar question: "What's going on between you two?". Ali tried to hide it, told her they were only friends. But God was starting to feel bad about poor Millie, so had her ask again: "WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO?"
The answer was like a knife, going through her heart. Ali loved Gabriel and that's all she needed to know. Their woohoo life was non existent before and now had found someone who made him feel better, more... alive! That's all Millie needed to know. She went over to Gabriel and try to make a last, desperate woohoo pass at him. Once more, he rejected her. It was all so clear. She was the third wheel.
Her ego and her heart were stomped on the ground, like a cockroach. A beautiful, kind, hard working sim shouldn't go through all that. She headed back home, to the privacy of her bedroom and cried her eyeballs out. Ali didn't come home that night and went straight to work.
The next day, Millie invited Gabriel over. Oooh no, she wouldn't let him have Ali so easily. She would humiliate him first. He came over and she started yelling at him. Her face was red and hot, she was fueled by rage. She ending up giving him the beating of his life. When Ali came home from work, both his lovers were black and blue from fighting.
Baby Angelique started crying. She had woken up. Millie rushed upstairs to help her toddler with her needs, but Ali and Gabriel stayed downstairs. Ali tried to comfort Gabriel, asking him to stay. He didn't care about his marriage anymore. God led them to the hall upstairs, outside the bedrooms. They started woohooing again, right there, like animals!
Poor Millie, as she opened her daughter's bedroom's door, she caught her cheater husband in the act! THE AUDACITY!!! And if it that wasn't enough, when she went over to slap him, he acted like she wasn't there and went to woohoo in the shower with his boyfriend - AGAIN! WTH!!!
At this point, Millie knew it was time to give Ali the boot and kick him the hell out of their home, and so she did. After Ali's lover left, the married couple had a long, heated conversation that only had one outcome - Ali had to move out immediately.
So, he left and rented a one-bedroom apartment in the city. He also decided to ask Gabriel to live with him, and Gabriel happily accepted. A new chapter started for Ali but unresolved things were left in the middle with his wife that needed to be dealt with.
While all these took place, Millie had gotten close with celebrity Rahul Chopra. They became good friends and she was invited to his wedding. It was a one of a kind event because Rahul had a shotgun wedding with his wife when they were teenagers due to unwanted pregnancy. After many kids later, Rahul's eldest daughter, with the villainous valentine aspiration (long story) decided to break her eternally faithful parents up for fun. So they did break up, but they were so made for each other, like puzzle pieces, that it was impossible to not end up together again.
Rahul fell back in love with his wife and they decided to do it right this time. They planned the perfect wedding event in San Myshuno's park, during sunset. The whole family was there and their 2nd child, Philip (YA) would take the professional pictures of the wedding.
The ceremony started, everyone (almost) was seated and the photographer (and me) were preoccupied with taking the happy couples pictures. As the ceremony ended, the couple was ready to share their first kiss as husband and wife. The air was filled with confetti that floated playfully around them, the fireworks were set off behing them and the sun was showering them with the warmest rays. It was a one time opportunity to get the perfect picture. Philip got ready to press click. And then, she appeared.
Millie, clearly bothered and heartbroken by other people's love, made a run for the exit and ruined Philip's perfect photograph. The angry look on her face would forever haunt Philip's mind. Why would that woman ruin this happy moment and why the hell would she wear white at someone's wedding? I mean, you wouldn't mistake her for the bride, who wore an expensive wedding gown, but still... Something was wrong with this girl and Philip had to find out...
After the wedding, Millie went back home. The days passed and the divorce was not finalized. She asked her kid who she wanted to stay with, but without reply. She called Ali over, but he texted back he didn't want to come over. Millie had her -now child- daughter call over her dad. This time, Ali responded positively and soon after he arrived. Millie took him straight to the lawyers to see who will get custody of Angelique.
This time, God had no plans, God left it all to luck. So, unfortunately, Ali won custody of Angelique, who immediately went to live with him. Now, Millie was alone. Only her and her money and her baby son's grave in the front yard. Now she was angry, NOW HE WOULD PAY.
Millie grabbed Ali and went once again to the lawyers. It was now time to split the estate. At least 100k simoleons in the bank, plus whatever the house is worth. Millie wants to get everything, but once again, God won't interfere. She comes back home, head down, beaten - she lost 80k.
She turns to her new friend, Philip. He is basic, but he's a good guy. He lives alone in an apartment in San Myshuno, studies Fine Arts in university, comes from a good family. He also has a girlfriend that lives across the hall from him, but Millie doesn't know. And God tells her to come onto him. Now Philip has two girlfriends and God must interfere.
God and luck are playing games with Millie's life.
As I'm writing her story, there's only one thing I feel: Sad.
This girl started out with hopes and dreams. So I think that we should forgive her for attending a friend's wedding wearing white. Some God forgot to change her formal outfit and it was all she had to wear. She's going through a lot!
Her story ends for now, but if you guys like it I might write more about her life's adventures.
Also, what should she do with Philip? Let me know in the comments!
If you read this whole essay / story , you are amazing! And thanks! Hope you liked it! :)
TLDR: YA woman starts with 0 money in off the grid island. Wants to earn a million. Gets pregnant by married neighbor with kids. Marries him and they buy new home. They get pregnant second time, lose the baby.He gets a good job, meets new people, gets new guy friend, has woohoo with that friend. The 3 of them have expanded woohoo. Woman breaks it off. Woman confronts husband about loving other man, he confesses he loves him. Woman kicks him out and he lives alone in flat. The other guy moves in with him. Woman heartbroken, goes to friends wedding wearing white, is angry at happy couple's love, ruins the married couple kiss photo. Photo becomes famous on Reddit. Woman loses custody of only child. Woman loses 80k simoleons after splitting estate. Woman becomes girlfriend of the photographer from the friend's wedding. Photographer already has another girlfriend.
*****EDIT*********** I can't believe I forgot to write this, but Millie also drowned in the ocean while being fatigued from diving for treasures. I decided to not save and give her a second chance. Her life is dramatic, UUUUUUGH!!!!

My good friend J (39F) started dating B (37) two months ago. He told her he was divorced, and his ex wife took the kids and has been keeping them from him for over 4 years.
When she told me about him she raved how open and honest he was, told her he had a criminal past due to drug use. I met him and he was very charming. Then the second time I saw him he said some things about making a significant income and collecting Medicaid benefits still. I challenged him on that as there are income limits, but he insisted to J that there were no income limits. Weird.
Then a few days ago J text she had some news to share with both myself and out other friend L. She informed us that his children were being removed from their mother due to her being unfit, and she offered B to move in with her and her daughter. L and I express significant concern because it has been such a short term relationship and she doesn’t really know him. She listened but decided she wanted to help him.
I checked in on her the next day and asked how the kids were- well apparently he was still figuring it out and the kids were still with their mother until he moved in with J. I told her this wasn’t adding up- they don’t leave children in danger so someone can move. She just kept explaining away stuff and now I’m really concerned this guy isn’t who he said he is.
So here’s where I might be the AH. I pull all court records in the two states he told her about. This guy is still married and in active divorce proceedings- to which I saw there was a motion filed the day she called but it was not an emergency motion (I know because I went through this). Then the pages and pages of criminal charges, assault with a deadly weapon, assault drugging a victim, protection orders from women which included his own children. I decided to fess up to J, and she had an explanation for everything. She still insisted she was going to move him and the kids - and I lost it on her because this man has a pattern of targeting single mothers. None of it ends well.
So I reach out to the wife to ask her side, and her story about him is terrifying. Not saying she’s telling the truth, but it matches the court records. She tells me he has supervised visits only and hasn’t tried to see the kids. I told her what he told my friend and apparently he’s taken the kids before he moved in with one of the women. She panicked and thinks he’s going to do it again.
I tell J this and she is pissed with me for meddling in his life, and now she has to choose between her friends or him (friend L is also upset with her over how much trust she’s given him in 2 months). I told her he’s never allowed in my home ever again or around my children, she says we can still be friends but I need to remove myself from his life (no problem).
AITAH for calling his wife without telling her?

Today was the first time I heard anything about missing Canadian Kimberly Ratushniak. Anyone else think she can be a possible victim? Supposedly she traveled to NYC looking for work as a nurse but hasn’t been heard from since early 2004. There isn’t much out there that I could find about her case or the friends she was with on NYE, but she’s just another woman that traveled to NYC looking for work to end up completely vanishing. I also find it odd that she only called from pay phones, but was supposedly staying at a nurses quarters on Long Island. Maybe she couldn’t find work and had to resort to sex work and didn’t want to tell her family/friends and crossed paths with LISK? Just a theory of mine. What do y’all think?
https://www.websleuths.com/forums/threads/ny-kimberly-ratushniak-25-suffolk-county-2004.338667/
https://www.vicnews.com/news/campbell-river-woman-last-seen-in-nyc-in-2003-7359408

Me (F24) and my boyfriend (M26) are finally pregnant after trying for a few months (yay). Naturally we told our family’s about our great news, expecting a happy response. My parents are divorced and my mother has been remarried for over 17 years. So we firstly told my mother (future grandma to our baby) and she was so happy and excited about it. When we told my dad, whom I don’t have a great relationship with, and his wife since 5 years back, his wife, let’s call her Ingrid, directly assumed she would be our baby’s grandma. I politely said that she would not be a grandma, because that space is already filled by my mother and my boyfriend’s mother. Ingrid did not take this well and she said that we should be so lucky to have HER as a grandma to our kid and that she hopes we will regret our decision. I might have gotten a bit triggered by this and told her that she barely knows me, and his not really tried to make an effort to know me and therefore she certainly would not in any way be a grandma to our kid. She stormed out of the house and I have not talked to her since this.
I don’t get it because my mother’s husband (who I grew up with and have lived with most of my life) did not at any time assume he would be called grandpa because in his own words “I’m not your dad, so why would I be your baby’s grandpa” AITA?

I mean, I never really cared much about celebrity marriages, cause I always knew it's always tricky for them and so whenever there's any news of celebrity couples break up or getting a divorce after just few years, I wouldn't really be surprised.
But then, it just came to my attention that some of my favorite celebrity couples marriages are ending, like Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher, and if you guys are a fan of Broadway or theatre, you'd probably know of Andy Karl and Orfeh, and they are divorcing as well. Like both of these couples have been together for more than 20 years. Recently I also read about Sam Raimi and his wife are separating too after 30 years. And didn't Meryl Streep and her husband break up too? They've been married so long and I thought they were always supportive of each other. Like wow, I guess nothing is really safe with those Hollywood lifestyles.
What do you guys think?

My friend and I are currently on a break/low contact. I’ve known her for over a decade, we are in our 30’s and 40’s. Both married, but she is separated and getting divorced. Her life is so messy and I believe a lot of it is stuff she has control over. Events that have led up to this are as follows:

• she was in an abusive marriage and has children and was a stay at home mom. During covid she began an affair. I never judged her for this because I knew the home situation. The husband found out and a shit show ensued. They eventually separated and she kept having an on and off relationship with the affair partner. I never met him, I have no desire to, based on her own complaints about him he is bad news. She continued this on off relationship and lied to me about getting back with him multiple times because she knew I didn’t like him based on her own words.
  
  • bad judgment in men also translates in other areas of her life. Drama seems to follow her. She does stuff against any advice I give her, like sleeping with coworkers or just generally not thinking when she does stuff. This goes back to before she even married her abusive ex.
• she has spoken about and done vindictive stuff. I know a lot of people like getting some petty revenge and at first I thought this was just silly/funny ranting, but after going no contact and really evaluating things I think this is a pattern of sorts.
  
• after years of hearing about all her drama, especially relating to her love life I had enough. She claims she’s been single for a year on Socials, saying things like she is thinking about getting back in the dating game. For the entire year she claims this, she has been hooking up with her affair partner, coworkers, and other men. I guess hookups are not considered dating in her eyes if it’s not an official relationship. I have had to deal with hearing about all of it. I really don’t care what she does with her body, but it’s always a followed by drama when she’s hooking up with men. I told her I thought she should find a hobby and put all her energy into it to fill whatever void she seemed to. She quit talking to me and I eventually reached out and asked what was wrong. She accused me of being unsupportive and that she wanted friends who she can vent to and are supportive. I changed the subject and we exchanged a few random messages and I stopped contact to re-evaluate things. she has not reached out at all-probably due to being mad that after years of tiptoeing around her feelings, I was just blunt.
  
• It’s been a long time since we hung out in real life too because almost every conversation related to her dating life and I feared she would bring that affair partner who I don’t care for to social events. Other mutual friends who met him did not like him.
  
• After going no contact an evaluating things, I think I am done. I feel like she has used me for emotional support and we are in very different times in our lives. I honestly feel such a sense of relief lately. Sleeping better even. I didn’t realize how much energy her drama was sucking out of me and weighing me down. We already haven’t talked at all for a few weeks, but she is still on my socials. The next step would be deleting her completely. I understand that ghosting can be rude, but in this situation would I be an asshole for doing it?
  

This has to do with my relationship with my mother, which, since I have gotten married and had a child, had been rocky to say the least.
Five years ago, my wife (34F) and I had our first child and the first grandchild for my parents. They were ecstatic, as were we. But very quickly, issues arose. For example, when we broke the news to my parents that we were expecting, we asked them not to tell anyone, as it was very early. Within two days, all my mom's friends knew. Then, to make matters worse, my mom announced it on Facebook before we could. She was very apologetic, saying "she didn't know". Whatever. We moved on.
Our son was born and like most young parents, relied on the grandparents for assistance with child care. My mother-in-law was, and continues to be, great. Continually is in contact with us while she is watching him. Asks us things to make sure were okay with them. Side note, this is also her 8th grandchild. My mom, however, has been polar opposite. For example, we let her take our son when he was 2 to a local library for story time. We had never let anyone besides us drive him anywhere, so it was a big step for us as first time parents. Well, she took him to the library...but then over her friend's house across town without asking or telling us. We only found out when we asked if she was home yet with him. This caused by wife to blow up at my mom. Side note about my wife, she has lost 3 young family members in tragic accidents over the last 10 years, causing her to have some pretty severe anxiety when it comes to our son.
This behavior from my mom has continued since that point. Whenever she watches him, its always "Can I take him to the movies?", "Can I take him to the ice cream shop?", "Can I take him shopping with me?". Sometimes its a yes from us, but sometimes its a no. But when its a yes, my wife is always bothered by the fact that my mom always asks to take him somewhere. And when its a no, my mom gives some pushback ("Oh, my friends can take their grandkids anywhere"). One important thing to note is that my mom is a fantastic help and does do a lot for our son. There have been situations where we have been in a bind last minute and she would come watch him in the drop of a hat at all hours.
Fast forward to recently. Our son is now 5 and a half and loves spending time with my mom. When we tell him she is watching him, he gets so excited. So she came over to watch him for a full day while my wife and I worked. Throughout the day, my mom was sending me pictures of him playing outside and having a blast. Then she asked if she could take him over to her house to see my dad and brother. We said okay. Then they went back to our place and then an hour or so later, walked back to her house again. Did she ask the second time? No. Was it the biggest issue with me and my wife? No. However, it was someone annoying to us. Why does she always feel the need to do something with him? Why can't she stay at our place and play with him outside in our yard? And my mom has admitted to us that she "has a hard time staying at our house when she watches him" (she's a busy body).
So later that day, my wife sent my mom a text, in a somewhat passive-aggressive tone, saying that my mom "has no right to decide where to take him" when she's with him, including her own house when they were out on a walk. My wife also said, again, passive-aggressively (more so than I would have), that my mom appears "entitled". Well, my mom lost it. Said she's sick of being micromanaged when she watches our son. That she's held to a different standard than the other grandparents and doesn't have the same "rights" the other grandparents have. The argument then escalated into name calling and I got pulled into it with my mom texting me about my wife having a "mental illness" and "anger problems" and saying that I'd be better off getting a divorce. I will admit, I don't think my wife handles these situations the best. Her first response recently has been anger and confrontation with my mom, which doesn't help the situation. But I can see how years of this has impacted her. Side note, my wife is Hispanic and over the years, my mom has made some overt comments about this ("I love having a blended family!" when no one is asking or at our wedding when one of her friends said to her "Your mother would be rolling in her grave if she saw this wedding!" and then my mom laughing).
Now, I 100% support my wife. She is an amazing mother. Amazing. Would do anything for our son. Does her anxiety sometimes lead to her being a helicopter mom? Yes. But its because she cares and wants what's best for our son. However, is my mom held to a different standard? Yes. My mother-in-law watches our son over her house all the time. My mom doesn't really get that luxury. But its important to note that my mother-in-law lives alone and has cared for 7 other grandchildren and follows our wishes to a T. My mom, on the other hand, has my 31 year old brother who lives in the basement, openly smokes weed in the house to the point where their entire house smells like it (I don't care about weed, but I don't want a 5 year old around that), and has his less than desirable friends coming to and from the house. My parents also have two dogs that aren't the best trained and recently lost their bulldog, who would go after our son when he went over there.
So the argument continues to this day. My mom says she feels "used", like a hired babysitter and that we are "ungrateful" for all she does for our son (and, I will admit, she does a lot). She feels like she should be able to watch him over her own house because not only do her friends get to do that, but my mother-on-law gets to, as well. I have been very very open this time with her about our concerns and why this is the way it is, but I get called a bad son and bad brother in response. I also have been getting guilted by her too, with her making statements like "You'll have to live with this if something ever happens to one of us!" or "You're so uncaring, thoughtless, and selfish".
I literally don't know what to do anymore, which is why I'm here. I'm thinking the only way to solve this and live a peaceful life is to distance myself from my mom? This will have a massive impact on our lives though, as we really rely on her for child care and my son loves being with her. My mom is very loving towards our son and has waited her whole life to be a grandparent. I can respect the fact that its frustrating for her to see her friends be able to do whatever they want with their grandchildren, but not her. I get that. My wife appears to be perfectly fine never speaking with her again as this has been a powder keg, but I think I can get them into a sit-down talk. I have accepted the fact that I haven't been as up front with her (my mom) over the years as I should have been. But my mom has become defensive, argumentative, and flat out rude. My wife puts it best when she says there's a sense of entitlement from my mom. She feels like as a grandparent, she almost has some sort of parental rights. My mom has also recently lost a sister and her best friend, so I believe there is definitely some underlying depression going on, which she has admitted to. She feels like she "can't catch a break", but I get sick to my stomach seeing her text me paragraphs everyday telling me I don't defend her to my wife, that my wife is crazy, and that I will feel guilty is something happens to her or my dad.
TLDR: My mom hasn't respected our boundaries for years. Came to a head recently with her and my wife got into an argument over what my mom does when she watches our son (5M). My mom has since turned on me and called me a bad son for not defending her to my wife and thinking that "this is okay". Do I distance myself?

My wife (38) and I (39M) are separating after 15 years and 3 kids. I’m at fault; I had a 9-month affair in 2019 with a woman at work. We spent a few years trying to piece it back together, but the damage I’d done was too great.
We separated in October 2023, but remained in the same house for the kids. Recently, she has asked me to fully move out so that she can heal without being disrupted by my presence—I don’t completely understand, but I want her to heal, so I’m looking at places.
She says she doesn’t want to divorce; I don’t really cherish the idea either. But I have no confidence in my ability to remain faithful to her now, so I feel some sense of obligation to follow through with divorce so she can move on.
Due to the affair, as news of the separation has emerged, our community of friends has completely ostracized me. Some of their reactions are just the consequences of people spreading rumors, but plenty of it is deserved. At times I feel pretty ruined by this all, but generally I’m happy that she has the support of friends.
As we circle closer to divorce, given this situation, I wondered if anyone had advice or tips for how to keep things amicable. My reputation is destroyed, so I’m not trying to save any face; I just want to cause as little harm for my ex and the kids, and to fade from the community as gently as possible.
Or, if you’ve been the victim of someone like me, I suppose I can offer you space to vent, too. Just interested to hear some thoughts.

I really don’t know how to make this short and make sense. This literally just happened and I am shaking. I’m just so unbelievably upset and I genuinely need advice and help.
I’m 30 years old and I graduated from college yesterday with my bachelor’s. I went to community college and graduated in 2014 and took some time off. My parents got divorced when I was a baby and my Dad and I used to be close. But when I was about 10, he ended up meeting this woman that he had a baby with. Ever since then, he’s been with multiple woman, got divorced, got cheated on, got married again. It’s a cycle. And every single time I was put last. The stepkids and new woman were his entire world.
My mom helped me with everything in my life. She was a single mom - a hairdresser going back to school for nursing - and she still managed to pay for everything. She would have to take my Dad to court for child support because he wouldn’t pay, my braces couldn’t come off when they were supposed to because they were missing his half of the payment, he never paid for my school, my books - never even offered. He’d throw me $20 from time to time “for gas”. Yet, he’d go to Aruba and all of these other elaborate vacations with his “new family.”
As I got older, I just got sick of trying. He was always late. If we made plans, he always ended up bringing his new woman along. Even now - we barely talk. We maybe see each other once a year. We’ll say “happy birthday” or happy whatever holiday through text. We do not communicate, I don’t know how else to explain it. I’m cordial with him, but I just don’t necessarily see him as a father figure. He was never there. And once my grandma passed away, that was really it. I just never felt like I could be myself with that side of the family, I always felt judged. I just couldn’t fake it anymore and once I realized I was the only one reaching out, I stopped, and once I stopped - I didn’t hear from anyone. So why should I try?
However, I did go to his most recent wedding a few years ago because he seemed to really be more present in my life and I felt like it would be a good thing. Well, after the wedding he went MIA again so I just felt like it was all for the show.
So, I got engaged last July and he texted me. We ended up going out to a dinner a few months later to “celebrate my engagement” - but when I got there I realized it was to also celebrate his other two stepkids who also got engaged after me. Which would’ve been fine, if I didn’t think he wanted to just celebrate me for once. He ended up giving us a $1,000 check which honestly, was truly nice. But I just feel like he thinks money buys back years of non existence. And honestly, he hasn’t asked me about my wedding since - never just calls or texts to see how it’s going - so I doubt he wants to be involved financially or with planning. Not that I think he would, but just the lack of interest he has says it all. Still, I invited him and some of his side of the family to our wedding. I wanted to be nice. I wanted to keep the peace. I knew he wasn’t going to be walking me down the isle, and maybe I should’ve said something the day we were all sitting down for dinner, but I was going to break the news when we actually sat down to plan the wedding (it’s a destination wedding next year, 2025, tbh…we didn’t even think half of them would come).
Now, I didn’t invite him to my graduation ceremony because I only had 4 tickets and I invited my fiance and my mom. Both of whom helped me financially, mentally, and with unwavering support my entire time back in school. My Dad knew I was in school but never asked about it. Never asked if I needed help with paying for anything. He clearly just didn’t care. Again, maybe I should be keeping him up-to-date but I just don’t feel like that’s my job anymore.
I get a Facebook message from my aunt - his sister - that I haven’t seen/heard from in years. Telling me how my Dad saw on Instagram (I shouldn’t have him on there, I know. He never interacts with my stuff so I honestly forget) that I graduated and he’s upset he wasn’t invited. That they all got their wedding invites which is nice, but they feel like they’re all just coming as guests and not family.
I’m just so done. I feel like he’s delusional about him being a nonexistent father. I feel like he tells his side of the family something totally different than what really happened. They’re in different states, how would they actually know? I want to literally cancel my wedding because I don’t even want any of them there. I didn’t to begin with. Which sounds terrible but I just wanted my closest family there. I just felt like a terrible person if I didn’t invite them and now I feel like a terrible person for inviting them.
Please Reddit, AITAH? What can I do? I know I have to reach out to my Dad, considering he didn’t reach out to me to express any of this. I just feel like such a moron.

The ex and I have been divorced for several years. After the divorce, I bought another house and she moved to a nearby city. The schools in my city are among the highest ranked schools in our state and one of the high school is ranked top 20 in the country. The schools in her city is among the lowest ranked with regularly fights and even kids hitting teachers. After a year of the kids going to the schools in her city, we decided our kids should go to school here.
When the ex have custody, she drops them off at my house in the mornings so they can take the bus to school then they stay at my house after school, eat dinner with me, and do their homework until she picks them up around 8.
A couple of years ago she married a guy who has sole custody of a couple of kids around the same ages as mine. His kids go to the schools in her city. The end of school is next week and as she picked up the kids last night, she asked if I’d be willing to let them use my address so that the other kids can join mine. She said that there was a big fight this week at one of their schools and at the beginning of the year, a video of one of the students beating a teacher made the news.
Her idea is that she changes her address to mine and we keep the same schedule with just added kids. I immediately refused since (1) I don’t want the ex to have my address on her license and (2) I don’t want to take care of kids I don’t know for 4 or 5 hours a day. She thinks I’m being dramatic and putting those kids in danger. She also said that her kids are going to have less of an education where they are and be less prepared for college than ours.
Am I wrong for not wanting responsibilities for random kids?

/worldnews
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-05-18/japan-passes-joint-child-custody-law-for-divorced-parents/103864302