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Cheating GF?
2012.08.19 19:42 Valen__ Cheating GF?
A place to vent or talk about your spouse.. and how they could be going behind your back. (PRIVATE FOR REDDIT API PROTEST)
2009.03.16 05:31 astrosmash Family Guy on Reddit
A subreddit dedicated to the TV show *Family Guy*.
2021.03.16 00:16 redchessqueen99 ššSuperstonkšš¦
A place for theoretical discussions about GameStop stock ($GME). Opinions and memes welcome. The "DumbMoney" crypto coin with the symbol "$GME" is a suspected scam and has nothing to do with GameStop stock. None of this is financial advice.
2024.05.19 11:51 dyzless Does anyone else try to get healthy and exercise but then the exercise leads to mania?
I've been diagnosed as BP2 and on lithium for over 3 years, they tried adding on serequel but I found it made me a zombie and also gave me the worst munchies. I'm 33 male have 2 kids I work full time and have the weekends off with my kids and everything is within the kinds of level. But when I try to get fit and healthy, I get REALLY into being fit and healthy, mind you I'm a solid guy. But I find a little exercise can lead to alot of exercise and in turn a manic episode. Is there anyone whose found a middle ground? How to he able to feel good and healthy without spiking?
submitted by dyzless to bipolar2 [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 11:49 Idontknowhatsmyname My ex dumped me for his ex. Need some insight.
Hi guys, I wanted some insight from you guys because maybe you men could understand what he was thinking when this happened.
So I was dating my now ex for 2 years. I was going to meet up with him this Tuesday because we were going to go to a festival, and then I was going to sleep over at his house. I know he had been in contact with his ex for a while but he told me not to worry, and that he was going to break off all contact with her. When he got home from work on Tuesday, he texted me that his ex-girlfriend had suddenly shown up unexpectedly and unannounced at his place as a "surprise". Some hours later I received a text from him saying "I am leaving you, I am sorry" and since then we havenĀ“t talked.
I am so confused about everything! How did he change his mind so fast and why? Will he regret this in the future?
Thanks for reading and thank you in advance.
submitted by Idontknowhatsmyname to AskMenAdvice [link] [comments]
So I was dating my now ex for 2 years. I was going to meet up with him this Tuesday because we were going to go to a festival, and then I was going to sleep over at his house. I know he had been in contact with his ex for a while but he told me not to worry, and that he was going to break off all contact with her. When he got home from work on Tuesday, he texted me that his ex-girlfriend had suddenly shown up unexpectedly and unannounced at his place as a "surprise". Some hours later I received a text from him saying "I am leaving you, I am sorry" and since then we havenĀ“t talked.
I am so confused about everything! How did he change his mind so fast and why? Will he regret this in the future?
Thanks for reading and thank you in advance.
2024.05.19 11:46 Cute-Walrus1969 AITA for cutting off friend leaving her with basically no one left.
Hi queen petty potato :), names used are fake. I am dyslexic so I apologise in advance.
I 26(female) and friend Lola 28(female) met because of a mutual Friend Kat 27(female) who I was in the sixth form college classes with at age 17, me and kat got pretty close but she was 18 so she could go out to clubs and bars on the weekend to which I could not yet.
I met Lola a few weeks after my 18th birthday as her birthday was pretty close to mine, Kat asked me if I wanted to go to Lola's birthday party, On first meeting Lola she was kind of cold didn't seem to interested in getting to know me, fast forward a few weeks and me and kat were going out a lot and Lola seem to warmed up to me, Kat did let me know Lola can take time to warm up to people But she did and everything seemed completely fine with us.
Now here's where I should of clocked why she is like this kat and Lola would tell me stories of them in secondary school that they were always falling out or there group of friends changed quite often due to people falling out with Lola, it was all because of boys Lola loved them and basically always wanted to be the centre of attention when boys were around, I had a boyfriend at the time so she basically didn't feel I was as a threat to her as the others (her words not mine).
Well I broke up with said boyfriend as we grow a part, the break up was a little hard as it was my first relationship but kat and Lola were really there for me, I did start to notice Lola would get snappy with me for what I would wear out at party's or clubs but I put it down to this guy Matt who was messing her about a bit and we would see him and his friends all the time, I did get attention from Matt's friends but I liked his friend Joe not Matt as he seemed like a bit of dickhead because how he would treat Lola.
Lola didn't like any of my other friends whom I had known longer as they were friends from my primary school or any new girls she would we meet and would get mad and start arguments with me and Kat when we were hanging out with other people, she got pregnant and would always complain we were always going out when she couldn't, and basically would call us bad friends and unknow calls us and anyone we were with stay silent on the phone to see if we were out as we would lie sometimes because we did want the arguments, she could be pretty selfish as I was not really local to her and would travel to her and she would make no effort to do the same.
This went on for years until I basically said to Lola I don't want to be to be friends it's exhausting and I'm to old going over the same argument, here is where I might be an asshole at this point no one was talking to her not even Kat, so basically I know she has no one at this point other then the latest guy in her life. she calls me and texts me daily saying I'm throwing 8 year friendship away.
Am I the asshole here or could I be more understanding of her feelings.
submitted by Cute-Walrus1969 to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
I 26(female) and friend Lola 28(female) met because of a mutual Friend Kat 27(female) who I was in the sixth form college classes with at age 17, me and kat got pretty close but she was 18 so she could go out to clubs and bars on the weekend to which I could not yet.
I met Lola a few weeks after my 18th birthday as her birthday was pretty close to mine, Kat asked me if I wanted to go to Lola's birthday party, On first meeting Lola she was kind of cold didn't seem to interested in getting to know me, fast forward a few weeks and me and kat were going out a lot and Lola seem to warmed up to me, Kat did let me know Lola can take time to warm up to people But she did and everything seemed completely fine with us.
Now here's where I should of clocked why she is like this kat and Lola would tell me stories of them in secondary school that they were always falling out or there group of friends changed quite often due to people falling out with Lola, it was all because of boys Lola loved them and basically always wanted to be the centre of attention when boys were around, I had a boyfriend at the time so she basically didn't feel I was as a threat to her as the others (her words not mine).
Well I broke up with said boyfriend as we grow a part, the break up was a little hard as it was my first relationship but kat and Lola were really there for me, I did start to notice Lola would get snappy with me for what I would wear out at party's or clubs but I put it down to this guy Matt who was messing her about a bit and we would see him and his friends all the time, I did get attention from Matt's friends but I liked his friend Joe not Matt as he seemed like a bit of dickhead because how he would treat Lola.
Lola didn't like any of my other friends whom I had known longer as they were friends from my primary school or any new girls she would we meet and would get mad and start arguments with me and Kat when we were hanging out with other people, she got pregnant and would always complain we were always going out when she couldn't, and basically would call us bad friends and unknow calls us and anyone we were with stay silent on the phone to see if we were out as we would lie sometimes because we did want the arguments, she could be pretty selfish as I was not really local to her and would travel to her and she would make no effort to do the same.
This went on for years until I basically said to Lola I don't want to be to be friends it's exhausting and I'm to old going over the same argument, here is where I might be an asshole at this point no one was talking to her not even Kat, so basically I know she has no one at this point other then the latest guy in her life. she calls me and texts me daily saying I'm throwing 8 year friendship away.
Am I the asshole here or could I be more understanding of her feelings.
2024.05.19 11:45 Critical-Double-1256 Iām not sure if my ex was a narcissist?
I (26F) had been dating my boyfriend (27M) for four months now. He has always been too much āin loveā with me from the beginning, and made me feel really safe and understood. However, he has always been a little insecure about my past.
A few days back, I was feeling anxious so I talked to him about breaking up twice in a span of two days. We made up later by discussing our issues but the second time around, he was really aggressive and called me all sorts of names like āsuck xxxās cock, you just wanted to sleep around, go sleep with x tonightā and so on. He also got really angry, was throwing things around, put his hand on the stove and so on and I felt unsafe around him.
After this incident, the respect and love I had for him reached a low and I could tell that I was just not happy/invested in this relationship anymore. Last Monday I went and told him that we should break up once and for all and he didnāt take it well. The next night, he came to my place and tried to ring himself in, and then sent me loads of texts and called me saying āIām trying to get in, sleeping on the bench outside your houseā etc. I again felt very unsafe and scared. I was at a friendās and I had told him I was safe and okay but he still did this and his justification for that was that I was drunk, he was worried about me and he got me food. He kept asking which friend and whether he was a guy, he just wanted to know who I was with.
A few days before this incident, I had recommended his CV to my place of work and tried to create a position for him, and when I realised that he acted up the way he did that night, I told my manager that I donāt feel comfortable being around him at my workplace.
He still wanted to work things out so heās been pleading me to give another chance when I am really done, but when he found out I talked to my manager about the job and how I felt uncomfortable, he tried to turn it on me and how I sabotaged him. I feel guilty now, wondering, did I overreact? He said that you put me through hell, my confidence has taken a new low, and all this happened while his dad is in the hospital. (Which I did not know when I had broken up, he told me later. Otherwise I wouldnāt have broken up that time). After this he tried to contact my friends and my sister to convince me to see sense and get back together with him. He even threatened to kill himself because I hurt him so much.
I called him to tell him Iām sorry again for everything that happened and I didnāt purposely tell my manager that since I was the one who tried to get him the job in the first place when there wasnāt even any vacancy but by the end he said he wanted to get back together again. He keeps insisting and so I keep telling him my decision hasnāt changed and he is blaming me for putting him through all of this shit. A few days back, we again met at a common friendās party and he accused me of flirting with someone at this party. Then he later thew insults at me for an hour, insisted that I give him a chance, after which he followed me to my place when I had a panic attack. After this, he insisted that he entered my place and when I said no, he got mad and started hitting his hand (that he had injured before) on a wall. Then he tried to again enter my place later to apologise. When he realised I wasnāt letting him in, he called one of his friendās friend to let him inside. She thankfully did not. However, she didnāt let him in. After that, I blocked him from all social media but he created accounts on platforms he wasnāt on to try to talk to me. A week later, he messaged me on Telegram (where I hadnāt blocked him), to tell me he got back together with him. Is he a narcissist?
submitted by Critical-Double-1256 to u/Critical-Double-1256 [link] [comments]
A few days back, I was feeling anxious so I talked to him about breaking up twice in a span of two days. We made up later by discussing our issues but the second time around, he was really aggressive and called me all sorts of names like āsuck xxxās cock, you just wanted to sleep around, go sleep with x tonightā and so on. He also got really angry, was throwing things around, put his hand on the stove and so on and I felt unsafe around him.
After this incident, the respect and love I had for him reached a low and I could tell that I was just not happy/invested in this relationship anymore. Last Monday I went and told him that we should break up once and for all and he didnāt take it well. The next night, he came to my place and tried to ring himself in, and then sent me loads of texts and called me saying āIām trying to get in, sleeping on the bench outside your houseā etc. I again felt very unsafe and scared. I was at a friendās and I had told him I was safe and okay but he still did this and his justification for that was that I was drunk, he was worried about me and he got me food. He kept asking which friend and whether he was a guy, he just wanted to know who I was with.
A few days before this incident, I had recommended his CV to my place of work and tried to create a position for him, and when I realised that he acted up the way he did that night, I told my manager that I donāt feel comfortable being around him at my workplace.
He still wanted to work things out so heās been pleading me to give another chance when I am really done, but when he found out I talked to my manager about the job and how I felt uncomfortable, he tried to turn it on me and how I sabotaged him. I feel guilty now, wondering, did I overreact? He said that you put me through hell, my confidence has taken a new low, and all this happened while his dad is in the hospital. (Which I did not know when I had broken up, he told me later. Otherwise I wouldnāt have broken up that time). After this he tried to contact my friends and my sister to convince me to see sense and get back together with him. He even threatened to kill himself because I hurt him so much.
I called him to tell him Iām sorry again for everything that happened and I didnāt purposely tell my manager that since I was the one who tried to get him the job in the first place when there wasnāt even any vacancy but by the end he said he wanted to get back together again. He keeps insisting and so I keep telling him my decision hasnāt changed and he is blaming me for putting him through all of this shit. A few days back, we again met at a common friendās party and he accused me of flirting with someone at this party. Then he later thew insults at me for an hour, insisted that I give him a chance, after which he followed me to my place when I had a panic attack. After this, he insisted that he entered my place and when I said no, he got mad and started hitting his hand (that he had injured before) on a wall. Then he tried to again enter my place later to apologise. When he realised I wasnāt letting him in, he called one of his friendās friend to let him inside. She thankfully did not. However, she didnāt let him in. After that, I blocked him from all social media but he created accounts on platforms he wasnāt on to try to talk to me. A week later, he messaged me on Telegram (where I hadnāt blocked him), to tell me he got back together with him. Is he a narcissist?
2024.05.19 11:42 Asleep_Magazine_5528 I (25M) made a huge mistake with (24F) - was it the mistake or was she not even interested before this?
I (25M) matched with a girl (24F) on hinge. We were texting each other once every day or so for just over a week then organised to go on a date. The date went great - she did mention that she has accounting exams coming up soon with her job so she was going to be busy the next couple of months. But we both had a great time and I had no doubts we wanted to see eachother again after the date - she even gave me her umbrella to take home as it was raining and she got a taxi home.
We continued texting once a day - finding out more in common and I mentioned that Iām a fan of Mexican food and she said she is too and she said that could be our next date idea. She then asked when I was free and I booked a restaurant (2 weeks after the first date as she was busy due to a family wedding the weekend after the first date). She also mentioned that as itās September now, itās go time in terms of revision.
We met up at the restaurant and the date went fine, again no doubts and lots in common. She mentioned that due to a health condition she doesnāt like to drink alcohol when itās super hot so she ordered a mocktail instead with her food.
We then went to a rooftop bar afterwards which Iād booked as the weather was really warm. When we got to the rooftop, the girl said it feels hotter up here than it does downstairs (which it did) and she asked me to push a button on my side of the table (I think she assumed it may have been connected to a fan). But when I pushed the button the outdoor heaters turned on which was quite embarrassing and the people in the bar started laughing. I laughed too but it did throw me off and make me feel awkward. The girl did apologise to me and them and was laughing too.
But we sat down and continued chatting - I felt the conversation wasnāt flowing as well due to the awkwardness but there were no awkward silences. I ordered a cocktail but the menu was a little limited for mocktails - I did ask her if she wanted to go somewhere else but she said donāt worry itās ok. She ended up just having water.
Once i finished my drink, she said sheās going to head off so we walked to the train station together - we didnāt stay at the rooftop for very long. I was still feeling awkward as the last part of the date didnāt go how Iād hoped but I asked if she wanted to go out again and she said yeah definitely so I gave her a quick kiss and said bye.
I messaged her on instagram while I was on my way home and just gave her my phone number and said let me know when youāre home.
She texted me that evening and said āhey thanks for dinner tonight - honestly next time you have to let me get the bill! It was v good to see you again. Hope you got home okay xā.
I replied that Thursday evening and said āhey no worries itās all good, but youāre organising the next oneā. She then reacted to that message with a little heart on Saturday and said āhowās your Saturday been, sorry for the late reply been super busy my sister is visitingšā - she did mention that her sister was visiting before we went on the second date. I replied on the Sunday with general convo. She replied on the Monday as usual, being communicative, telling me about her weekend and all the things she did and also asking me more about what I was doing. She also said āso not a productive weekend in terms of revisionšā
I replied on the Tuesday, making general conversation again. I didnāt hear back from her on Wednesday, Thursday (which was when I started to get anxious) or Friday. I assumed she had a busy week with work and revision so Iād hear back Friday evening. I also noticed that at some point after the second date she changed one of her prompts on her hinge dating profile - a small change from āgive me travel tips to Thailandā to āgive me travel tips to Miamiā. She didnāt update any pictures or anything else and as weād only been out twice Iām guessing this is normal? She also mentioned on the second date that sheād booked her Miami holiday.
I still didnāt hear back from her and then made a massive mistake Saturday morning and sent her another message which said āif you werenāt interested why not just say. Youāre a bit of an arsehole to say you wanna go out again, pay and all that then just ignore meā. She responded an hour and a half later and said āI wasnāt trying to ignore you - I was genuinely busy this week. But you calling me an arsehole is so uncalled for and tbh I donāt want to see someone whoās going to call me names so Iād rather just call it a dayā. I called to try and apologise but she didnāt pick up so I messaged āI get youāre busy with exams. Like I fully understand that but it takes 2 seconds to say hey Iām busy right now Iāll get back to you. Tbh it comes across like youāre not interested and a bit rude. So Iām sorry I called you an arsehole but I called you as I wanted to chat to you quicklyā. She replied and said āsorry missed your call - Iām out. Yeah fairs I get that but the exams are my priority. I feel like Iāve said what I need to say and think itās just best if we leave it hereā. I messaged again trying to sort it out but she didnāt reply. I gave it three weeks and apologised more sincerely and she said itās all good no hard feelings but sheās got a lot on right now so she doesnāt think it would be best to give it a second chance. I said if itās the exams I donāt mind if you wanna speak again after theyāre all done, but she didnāt reply to that message.
I reached out again after a couple months as I saw her on the same dating app and her profile was updated with new pictures and she said she just doesnāt see this going anywhere and good luck with everything - she then blocked me. Iām assuming she was finished with her exams by this point.
I fully understand that I was completely in the wrong with the way I reacted and Iāve learnt the lesson and wonāt ever speak to anyone like that again - I regret it so much because I could see myself liking her and she honestly seemed like the most perfect girl, although we only went on 2 dates and spoke for a month. But do you think it was me calling her an arsehole that caused her to end it (completely valid if so) or if she just wasnāt feeling it before this and I gave her an easy way out?
submitted by Asleep_Magazine_5528 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
We continued texting once a day - finding out more in common and I mentioned that Iām a fan of Mexican food and she said she is too and she said that could be our next date idea. She then asked when I was free and I booked a restaurant (2 weeks after the first date as she was busy due to a family wedding the weekend after the first date). She also mentioned that as itās September now, itās go time in terms of revision.
We met up at the restaurant and the date went fine, again no doubts and lots in common. She mentioned that due to a health condition she doesnāt like to drink alcohol when itās super hot so she ordered a mocktail instead with her food.
We then went to a rooftop bar afterwards which Iād booked as the weather was really warm. When we got to the rooftop, the girl said it feels hotter up here than it does downstairs (which it did) and she asked me to push a button on my side of the table (I think she assumed it may have been connected to a fan). But when I pushed the button the outdoor heaters turned on which was quite embarrassing and the people in the bar started laughing. I laughed too but it did throw me off and make me feel awkward. The girl did apologise to me and them and was laughing too.
But we sat down and continued chatting - I felt the conversation wasnāt flowing as well due to the awkwardness but there were no awkward silences. I ordered a cocktail but the menu was a little limited for mocktails - I did ask her if she wanted to go somewhere else but she said donāt worry itās ok. She ended up just having water.
Once i finished my drink, she said sheās going to head off so we walked to the train station together - we didnāt stay at the rooftop for very long. I was still feeling awkward as the last part of the date didnāt go how Iād hoped but I asked if she wanted to go out again and she said yeah definitely so I gave her a quick kiss and said bye.
I messaged her on instagram while I was on my way home and just gave her my phone number and said let me know when youāre home.
She texted me that evening and said āhey thanks for dinner tonight - honestly next time you have to let me get the bill! It was v good to see you again. Hope you got home okay xā.
I replied that Thursday evening and said āhey no worries itās all good, but youāre organising the next oneā. She then reacted to that message with a little heart on Saturday and said āhowās your Saturday been, sorry for the late reply been super busy my sister is visitingšā - she did mention that her sister was visiting before we went on the second date. I replied on the Sunday with general convo. She replied on the Monday as usual, being communicative, telling me about her weekend and all the things she did and also asking me more about what I was doing. She also said āso not a productive weekend in terms of revisionšā
I replied on the Tuesday, making general conversation again. I didnāt hear back from her on Wednesday, Thursday (which was when I started to get anxious) or Friday. I assumed she had a busy week with work and revision so Iād hear back Friday evening. I also noticed that at some point after the second date she changed one of her prompts on her hinge dating profile - a small change from āgive me travel tips to Thailandā to āgive me travel tips to Miamiā. She didnāt update any pictures or anything else and as weād only been out twice Iām guessing this is normal? She also mentioned on the second date that sheād booked her Miami holiday.
I still didnāt hear back from her and then made a massive mistake Saturday morning and sent her another message which said āif you werenāt interested why not just say. Youāre a bit of an arsehole to say you wanna go out again, pay and all that then just ignore meā. She responded an hour and a half later and said āI wasnāt trying to ignore you - I was genuinely busy this week. But you calling me an arsehole is so uncalled for and tbh I donāt want to see someone whoās going to call me names so Iād rather just call it a dayā. I called to try and apologise but she didnāt pick up so I messaged āI get youāre busy with exams. Like I fully understand that but it takes 2 seconds to say hey Iām busy right now Iāll get back to you. Tbh it comes across like youāre not interested and a bit rude. So Iām sorry I called you an arsehole but I called you as I wanted to chat to you quicklyā. She replied and said āsorry missed your call - Iām out. Yeah fairs I get that but the exams are my priority. I feel like Iāve said what I need to say and think itās just best if we leave it hereā. I messaged again trying to sort it out but she didnāt reply. I gave it three weeks and apologised more sincerely and she said itās all good no hard feelings but sheās got a lot on right now so she doesnāt think it would be best to give it a second chance. I said if itās the exams I donāt mind if you wanna speak again after theyāre all done, but she didnāt reply to that message.
I reached out again after a couple months as I saw her on the same dating app and her profile was updated with new pictures and she said she just doesnāt see this going anywhere and good luck with everything - she then blocked me. Iām assuming she was finished with her exams by this point.
I fully understand that I was completely in the wrong with the way I reacted and Iāve learnt the lesson and wonāt ever speak to anyone like that again - I regret it so much because I could see myself liking her and she honestly seemed like the most perfect girl, although we only went on 2 dates and spoke for a month. But do you think it was me calling her an arsehole that caused her to end it (completely valid if so) or if she just wasnāt feeling it before this and I gave her an easy way out?
2024.05.19 11:41 ProfesserNap I (18F) flirted with my coworkerās (18F) crush. How do I mend our friendship?
Couldnāt post this on the original subreddit I wrote it for since it breaks their rules about discussing relationships, so Iām gonna post it here instead.
I, (18F) have recently gotten a job and made friends with a girl we will call Jessica (18F) who I recently started clubbing with. Weāve only been friends for about a month and she brings along quite a few long term friends when we go out.
Where it gets complicated is when her friend (18?M) was introduced to me last weekend. Letās call him Sebastian. I thought he was attractive, but after she told me she was kind of crushing on him I decided I was definitely not going to make any moves on him. The only part that confused me was that same night is when she decided to fully drop her ex since she was still talking to him and trying to get back together up until that point. I donāt know if sheās over him fully even now since the breakup is really fresh and they were together for over a year from what I remember. Because of the situation with her ex, I didnāt think she liked Sebastian THAT much, just kind of thought he was hot that night. Even so, I wasnāt gonna make any moves since I had just met him and didnāt know anything about him yet.
Later that night, Jessica came up to me and looked kind of sad, but not in a very serious way. Like putting on a joke sad face like an, āAw Iām so bummed!ā kind of expression. She said that Sebastian told her he thought I was hot, but I reassured her that if I was his type then the chances of her being his type was high, and that I wasnāt interested anyways. Looking back, me and her donāt necessarily have the same style. I get branded as āemoā by the way I dress and do my makeup and she is kind of borderline alternative but nothing that would make her look out of place, she just doesnāt dress boring. Her and I are also both bi and joke flirted with each other for most of the night after that conversation. I am also the kind of person to make out with people at the club which I know is definitely not for everyone but I ended up getting with a few people that night, which 2 of them were seen by Sebastian when I was dancing with them, so I thought for sure he would lose interest and go for Jessica instead.
Everything was great with Jessica at work after this and we got even closer. Last night we went out again and predrank together, so we were flirting before we even left to go to the club. There were even more of her friends last night that came and I met another guy who we will call George (19???M) not exactly sure how old he is but still definitely in the age range of the group. He immediately took interest in me, but I think most people who were there noticed both him and Sebastian flirting with me. We were also all pretty drunk at this point. I ended up making out with Jessica in front of Sebastian and George MULTIPLE TIMES, but somehow everyone pieced it together that Jessica was crushing on Sebastian.
As the night went on, Sebastian and George were both talking to me more and more. I was definitely getting along very well with both of them but could see that Jessica was getting more and more distant. I also have autism and have been told by my friends that I have a very flirtatious personality, but I genuinely donāt always realise when Iām flirting because me trying to be nice can come across that way, which I know is a struggle for other autistic people Iāve met. I also donāt always know when someone is flirting with me. Letās just say when Iām drunk my āflirtatious personalityā is amplified by A LOT. Every time I was speaking with George, Jessica was encouraging me and asking me if I was interested, which I just replied, āI donāt know.ā which was true. Another one of my autistic traits is struggling with knowing whether my feelings for others are platonic or romantic or even sexual. Half the time I genuinely have no clue how I feel about someone.
Georgeās flirting was also a lot more obvious than Sebastianās. Me and Sebastian were mostly talking about Radiohead because we both listen to him, which I could tell made Jessica feel really jealous. That wasnāt my intention, I was just having a general conversation. George on the other hand was talking about how his type was emo girls and saying things like āI can fix herā to me. I think my flirting with Jessica was the most obvious since it was intentional and we were both flirting with each other. One of their mutual friends came up to Sebastian when him and I were talking and told him, āJessica is getting really jealous.ā This confused him heaps since I guess he was the only one who didnāt know she liked him. He asked why and I said āItās because youāre talking to me.ā I got super overwhelmed and felt like I had ruined the night for everyone so I got up from our table and stood off to the side trying to calm down. I called Jessica over and gave her a big hug asking if she was okay because she looked super down. She said she was genuinely fine and became all smiley again, so we all went back to the dance floor.
I saw a guy I had made out with a few times at this club and we started dancing together. We ended up making out again and when I went back to the group Jessica seemed to have cheered up. That was until Sebastian started talking to me and then after a bit she had moved away from me with the other girls and wouldnāt even look at me when I tried dancing with her or talking to her. When the place closed and we had to leave she didnāt speak to me once and left without saying bye to me. Sebastian was supposed to be going with her but she left him too, so Sebastian, George and I were all stood there and I felt so bad. I was so drunk at this point and just started freaking out. Both of them tried calming me down and asking what happened. I was still panicking and saying how Jessica hates me and will never speak to me again and Iāve ruined everything. The part I probably shouldnāt have said was that sheās gonna hate me forever because I think Sebastianās hot and she thinks Sebastianās hot but according to her Sebastian thinks him hot but also I think sheās hot and everyoneās hot so blah blah blah. Basically I just freaked out and was way too honest. They both reassured me it would be fine and sheād get over it in the morning and Sebastian said heād fix it and give her a kiss or something.
Skip to today, I texted her when I woke up asking her how she was feeling and she was super dry which isnāt like her at all so I apologised saying I genuinely didnāt mean for any of it and again she was dry and stopped replying to me. Sebastian also messaged me saying itās all fine and sheās talking to him like normal as if no issues happened, so now I know sheās just really upset with me. I honestly feel like a terrible person because even though nothing happened between me and Sebastian I feel like I completely ruined my friendship with Jessica and now I have to go to work tomorrow which she will probably ignore me at even though all I want to do is talk it through. I honestly feel like itās all my fault so how do I mend our friendship?
submitted by ProfesserNap to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I, (18F) have recently gotten a job and made friends with a girl we will call Jessica (18F) who I recently started clubbing with. Weāve only been friends for about a month and she brings along quite a few long term friends when we go out.
Where it gets complicated is when her friend (18?M) was introduced to me last weekend. Letās call him Sebastian. I thought he was attractive, but after she told me she was kind of crushing on him I decided I was definitely not going to make any moves on him. The only part that confused me was that same night is when she decided to fully drop her ex since she was still talking to him and trying to get back together up until that point. I donāt know if sheās over him fully even now since the breakup is really fresh and they were together for over a year from what I remember. Because of the situation with her ex, I didnāt think she liked Sebastian THAT much, just kind of thought he was hot that night. Even so, I wasnāt gonna make any moves since I had just met him and didnāt know anything about him yet.
Later that night, Jessica came up to me and looked kind of sad, but not in a very serious way. Like putting on a joke sad face like an, āAw Iām so bummed!ā kind of expression. She said that Sebastian told her he thought I was hot, but I reassured her that if I was his type then the chances of her being his type was high, and that I wasnāt interested anyways. Looking back, me and her donāt necessarily have the same style. I get branded as āemoā by the way I dress and do my makeup and she is kind of borderline alternative but nothing that would make her look out of place, she just doesnāt dress boring. Her and I are also both bi and joke flirted with each other for most of the night after that conversation. I am also the kind of person to make out with people at the club which I know is definitely not for everyone but I ended up getting with a few people that night, which 2 of them were seen by Sebastian when I was dancing with them, so I thought for sure he would lose interest and go for Jessica instead.
Everything was great with Jessica at work after this and we got even closer. Last night we went out again and predrank together, so we were flirting before we even left to go to the club. There were even more of her friends last night that came and I met another guy who we will call George (19???M) not exactly sure how old he is but still definitely in the age range of the group. He immediately took interest in me, but I think most people who were there noticed both him and Sebastian flirting with me. We were also all pretty drunk at this point. I ended up making out with Jessica in front of Sebastian and George MULTIPLE TIMES, but somehow everyone pieced it together that Jessica was crushing on Sebastian.
As the night went on, Sebastian and George were both talking to me more and more. I was definitely getting along very well with both of them but could see that Jessica was getting more and more distant. I also have autism and have been told by my friends that I have a very flirtatious personality, but I genuinely donāt always realise when Iām flirting because me trying to be nice can come across that way, which I know is a struggle for other autistic people Iāve met. I also donāt always know when someone is flirting with me. Letās just say when Iām drunk my āflirtatious personalityā is amplified by A LOT. Every time I was speaking with George, Jessica was encouraging me and asking me if I was interested, which I just replied, āI donāt know.ā which was true. Another one of my autistic traits is struggling with knowing whether my feelings for others are platonic or romantic or even sexual. Half the time I genuinely have no clue how I feel about someone.
Georgeās flirting was also a lot more obvious than Sebastianās. Me and Sebastian were mostly talking about Radiohead because we both listen to him, which I could tell made Jessica feel really jealous. That wasnāt my intention, I was just having a general conversation. George on the other hand was talking about how his type was emo girls and saying things like āI can fix herā to me. I think my flirting with Jessica was the most obvious since it was intentional and we were both flirting with each other. One of their mutual friends came up to Sebastian when him and I were talking and told him, āJessica is getting really jealous.ā This confused him heaps since I guess he was the only one who didnāt know she liked him. He asked why and I said āItās because youāre talking to me.ā I got super overwhelmed and felt like I had ruined the night for everyone so I got up from our table and stood off to the side trying to calm down. I called Jessica over and gave her a big hug asking if she was okay because she looked super down. She said she was genuinely fine and became all smiley again, so we all went back to the dance floor.
I saw a guy I had made out with a few times at this club and we started dancing together. We ended up making out again and when I went back to the group Jessica seemed to have cheered up. That was until Sebastian started talking to me and then after a bit she had moved away from me with the other girls and wouldnāt even look at me when I tried dancing with her or talking to her. When the place closed and we had to leave she didnāt speak to me once and left without saying bye to me. Sebastian was supposed to be going with her but she left him too, so Sebastian, George and I were all stood there and I felt so bad. I was so drunk at this point and just started freaking out. Both of them tried calming me down and asking what happened. I was still panicking and saying how Jessica hates me and will never speak to me again and Iāve ruined everything. The part I probably shouldnāt have said was that sheās gonna hate me forever because I think Sebastianās hot and she thinks Sebastianās hot but according to her Sebastian thinks him hot but also I think sheās hot and everyoneās hot so blah blah blah. Basically I just freaked out and was way too honest. They both reassured me it would be fine and sheād get over it in the morning and Sebastian said heād fix it and give her a kiss or something.
Skip to today, I texted her when I woke up asking her how she was feeling and she was super dry which isnāt like her at all so I apologised saying I genuinely didnāt mean for any of it and again she was dry and stopped replying to me. Sebastian also messaged me saying itās all fine and sheās talking to him like normal as if no issues happened, so now I know sheās just really upset with me. I honestly feel like a terrible person because even though nothing happened between me and Sebastian I feel like I completely ruined my friendship with Jessica and now I have to go to work tomorrow which she will probably ignore me at even though all I want to do is talk it through. I honestly feel like itās all my fault so how do I mend our friendship?
2024.05.19 11:41 Count-Daring243 Best Carhartt Gym Bags
 | submitted by Count-Daring243 to u/Count-Daring243 [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/t43ltumqsc1d1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=93770dd7a57e6453d2463334712c24ee5fed6b34 Carhartt gym bags are perfect for any fitness enthusiast, offering durability and style to help you carry your gym essentials with ease. From boxing to general fitness, there's a Carhartt bag to suit every need. In this comprehensive guide, we'll showcase the best Carhartt gym bags to help you find the perfect match for your workout routine. Whether you're in search of a spacious duffel bag for your daily gym visits or a compact gym bag for weekend fitness excursions, our Carhartt gym bag roundup has got you covered. Delve into the world of Carhartt and discover the perfect gym bag for your active lifestyle. Get ready to gear up and hit the gym with confidence and style! The Top 8 Best Carhartt Gym Bags
ReviewsCarhartt Packable Water-Resistant Duffel Bag with Utility Pouchhttps://preview.redd.it/8nansznrsc1d1.jpg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0ba2269702c837e45d5a7eac89c5ddafd99f0b7a I recently got the chance to own and use this Carhartt Canvas Packable Duffel with Pouch for my daily commutes and weekend trips. It's a game-changer! The bag is made of 500D polyester, which has been treated with Rain Defender, a durable water repellent (DWR). This means I don't have to worry about my stuff getting ruined in case of rain. One of the things I love about this duffel is its spacious main compartment. I can fit all my work clothes and shoes easily. The dual webbing haul handles also make it really comfortable to carry around. However, there's a catch - the exterior slash pocket. It's a bit too tight for my liking and it tends to get stuck when trying to put something bigger inside. Another thing that caught my attention was the adjustable shoulder strap. While it's a great feature, I found it a bit too long, even when adjusted to its shortest length. Despite these minor setbacks, I still believe this duffel is worth every penny. Its water-resistant feature is a real lifesaver during gloomy days, and its sturdy construction ensures that it'll last for a long time. Plus, the bonus utility pouch is really handy for keeping smaller items organized! Water Repellent Carhartt Duffel Bag with Utility Stash Pouchhttps://preview.redd.it/f243qqassc1d1.jpg?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=14f2635878b2ceef7fef046cb2d1e748b82e04d4 I recently purchased the Carhartt Lightweight Duffel and Utility Stash Pouch in black, and I must say, it's been a game-changer for my daily commute. The polyester material not only feels durable but also looks sleek and stylish. One of my favorite features is the removable and adjustable shoulder strap that comes with a comfortable pad, making it effortless to carry around. The main interior compartment with a zipper ensures all my essentials are securely stored, while the exterior zippered pocket provides easy access to my smaller items like keys and wallet. What truly sets this duffel apart from others is the foldable utility pouch inside, perfect for keeping my gym wear separate from my work belongings. The water-repellent coating gives me peace of mind knowing my belongings will stay dry even in unexpected rain. Plus, the iconic "Carhartt" logo adds a touch of class to this versatile bag. However, one minor drawback is the limited color options available. I was hoping for a wider range of choices to match my personal style more accurately. So, if you're looking for a high-quality, durable duffel bag with an integrated utility pouch, the Carhartt Lightweight Duffel is definitely worth considering. Carhartt Classic Durable Water-Resistant Duffel Bag (Gray)https://preview.redd.it/ejha8mvssc1d1.jpg?width=951&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=602875c5857481d6ed544b8cc5596616111efa71 As a reviewer who's been using the Carhartt 55L Classic Duffel in my daily life, I can attest to its durability and flexibility. The Rain Defender water-repellent finish on this heavy-duty 1200-Denier polyester bag has kept all my belongings safe in even the toughest of weather conditions. One of my favorite features is the large main compartment that allows me to carry everything from my camping gear to tools on the job. The top and side haul handles, along with the removable, adjustable shoulder strap, make it incredibly easy to carry around wherever I go. One downside I noticed is that the bag's interior seems slightly smaller than expected. It does manage to store plenty of items but with less organization than some other duffels I've used due to the lack of additional pockets other than a single zippered one. However, the overall design comfort and visual appeal make up for this minor inconvenience. The grey color adds a touch of sophistication while still maintaining that rugged look characteristic of Carhartt products. Plus, the lifetime warranty provided gives me peace of mind knowing my investment will last for years to come. So, whether you're an avid camper or just need a reliable bag for daily use, the Carhartt 55L Classic Duffel is definitely worth considering. Its blend of style, functionality, and durability won't disappoint. Carhartt Classic Laptop Backpackhttps://preview.redd.it/ouu15b8tsc1d1.jpg?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0ee9afc326a2b12b1fe6132819a58dbffcd9f957 I've been using the Carhartt Classic 21L Laptop Backpack for a few months now, and I must say, it has become an essential part of my daily routine. This backpack is not only stylish but also incredibly functional, with features that make it a must-have for anyone on the go. The main compartment is large enough to hold everything I need for a day out, including my 15-inch laptop, textbooks, and even a small lunch box. The padded shoulder straps provide comfort, making it easy to carry around without any strain. One thing that really stands out about this backpack is its durability. The 600-denier polyester fabric, combined with the Rain Defender Water Repellent coating, ensures that my belongings stay safe and dry, even in the toughest weather conditions. However, there are a few minor drawbacks that I've noticed. The lack of additional compartments can make it difficult to organize smaller items like pens and pencils. Additionally, the backpack tends to be on the heavier side, which may not be ideal for those who prefer lighter options. In conclusion, the Carhartt Classic 21L Laptop Backpack is a solid choice for anyone in need of a functional and stylish backpack. Its large capacity, comfortable design, and impressive weather resistance make it a worthwhile investment. While it may not be perfect, the pros far outweigh the cons, making this an excellent choice for daily use. Sleek and Durable Black Essentials Duffel Bag by Carhartt WIPhttps://preview.redd.it/ke785xptsc1d1.jpg?width=533&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6c03b485dfe57f7418dd2ee6677ba8947218bdb0 Carhartt WIP's Black Essentials Bag has been a game-changer in my daily life. As a guy who loves to travel light, this versatile bag offers so much more than just space for my essentials. The recycled polyester canvas is not only eco-friendly but also water-repellent, which is a must-have feature for someone living in a city with unpredictable weather like me. You know how it is when you need to quickly grab your keys, wallet, phone, and other daily necessities on your way out - well, this bag has two main openings that fasten with a two-way zipper, making access easy as pie. Plus, the adjustable shoulder strap makes it comfortable to carry around and adds an extra layer of convenience. The Carhartt Essentials Bag also comes with a smaller velcro pocket on the front and another small zipped pocket, perfect for storing smaller items like business cards or headphones. At 17 x 16.5 x 6 cm, it's the perfect size for carrying essentials conveniently and comfortably. One thing that really impresses me about this bag is its durability. Despite its compact size, it can withstand daily wear and tear without showing any signs of damage. It's a quality product made in China, combining style and functionality to meet the needs of every modern man. The only downside to this bag, in my opinion, is the price tag. It's not exactly cheap, but considering the high quality and longevity of the material, I think it's worth the investment. All in all, the Carhartt WIP Essentials Bag gets a solid thumbs-up from me. Carhartt Black Legacy Cross Body Gear Organizer for Menhttps://preview.redd.it/0pmeqpeusc1d1.jpg?width=489&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d3a545bc4c0b1a75cc3621d53e6992574630150f In my quest for the ultimate organization solution, I stumbled upon Carhartt's Black Legacy Cross Body Gear Organizer. As an avid user of different types of gear, I can confidently say that this crossbody bag has been a game-changer in my daily life. One of the standout features for me is the adjustable shoulder strap - offering both convenience and versatility without compromising on comfort. The main compartment houses two slash pockets and five elastic loops, which are perfect for storing and accessing essential tools effortlessly. However, one minor drawback is the single zipper, making it difficult to open the bag without causing the sides to open as well. Another highlight worth mentioning is the front compartment, featuring a slash pocket and an ingenious key fob that prevents me from losing those elusive keys. While the Carhartt Gear Organizer doesn't boast a large capacity, its compact design and robust construction make it reliable for carrying your vital tools and devices. Over the past few weeks, I've relied heavily on this organizer for work and leisure, and it has shown no signs of wear and tear - a testament to its impeccable craftsmanship. In conclusion, the Carhartt Black Legacy Cross Body Gear Organizer provides a convenient storage solution for anyone who needs a reliable and compact tool for organizing their gear. Despite a few minor drawbacks, such as the single zipper in the main compartment, this lightweight and durable bag has become an indispensable part of my daily life. Carhartt Heavy Duty Water-Resistant Gear Bag - 23https://preview.redd.it/d49k7g8xsc1d1.jpg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a8b62a64ccb552cb1b0989c2561218fb238e8ad5 I recently received the Carhartt Legacy 23" Gear Bag in black, and I must say, I've been thoroughly impressed with its performance. At first glance, this bag might seem like your average gear bag, but once you start using it, you'll realize that it's so much more. Firstly, the durability of this bag is outstanding. Constructed from 1200D poly, it's designed to withstand even the toughest of conditions. The Rain Defender Durable Water Repellent and Duraux abrasion-resistant base mean that my stuff stays safe and dry no matter what the weather throws at me. The main compartment is deceptively spacious. I initially thought this would be a standard tool bag, but it turns out to be a versatile gear bag, perfect for travelling or organizing everyday items. The top and side haul handles, combined with the removable/adjustable padded shoulder strap, make it incredibly comfortable to carry, even when full. However, there are some minor downsides to this bag. For starters, the storage options inside the bag are a little inconvenient. There's only one small interior pocket, which isn't very useful for organizing smaller items. Additionally, some users might find the size of the bag a bit too small for their needs. But overall, I'm extremely happy with my purchase. The Carhartt Legacy 23" Gear Bag is a well-made, high-capacity bag that's as tough as they come. If you're in the market for a reliable gear bag, I'd definitely recommend giving this one a try. Carhartt Medium Duffel and Utility Pouchhttps://preview.redd.it/tluuw9lxsc1d1.jpg?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6cc88622605b2828bd40550d2793c0ebcdbf3418 I recently got my hands on the Carhartt Black Trade Series Medium Duffel and Utility Pouch, and I must say, it has been an absolute game-changer. The large zippered opening into the main compartment has made packing and accessing my stuff super easy. The exterior slash pocket is perfect for keeping my essentials within quick reach. One of my favorite features is the included reusable tool pouch, which I use to store various small hand tools. It's a nice touch that adds extra utility to an already versatile bag. The removable adjustable shoulder strap with pad provides comfort and convenience during those long hauls. However, there are some downsides. While the bag is spacious, it could stand to be a bit more organized with some internal compartments. Additionally, it may not be the best option for those looking for a lightweight, minimalistic bag. All in all, the Carhartt Black Trade Series Medium Duffel and Utility Pouch is a reliable and durable choice for anyone in need of a versatile bag for work, travel, or sports. Just remember to pack light and keep an eye on the size if you're planning on using it as a carry-on for flights. Buyer's GuideImportant Features to ConsiderWhen shopping for aCarhartt gym bag, there are several features you should look for:
https://preview.redd.it/jm0jzodysc1d1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=d74714847038541041e69106314966d026797904 Considerations for Your Specific NeedsBefore making a purchase, think about how you will use the bag. Will you be carrying heavy items like shoes or protein shakers? Do you need space for a laptop or tablet? These factors can help you narrow down your choices and find the perfect Carhartt gym bag for your needs.General Advice for Maintaining Your Gym BagTo prolong the life of your Carhartt gym bag and keep it smelling fresh, follow these tips:
In ConclusionInvesting in a quality Carhartt gym bag will not only make your workouts more convenient but also help keep your belongings organized and protected. By considering important features, addressing your specific needs, and following general maintenance advice, you can ensure that your new gym bag will serve you well for years to come. https://preview.redd.it/swq6atwysc1d1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=8e0ba896639d7bb8b2646c722e46000c8ad04a7a FAQWhat are Carhartt gym bags best suited for?Carhartt gym bags are best suited for activities that require carrying personal items, clothing, shoes, and sometimes even gear. These are perfect for gym goers, fitness enthusiasts, and even boxing or other sports practitioners.In what ways are Carhartt gym bags durable?Carhartt gym bags are designed with durability in mind. They are made from heavy-duty materials, such as cotton duck, sandstone canvas, or polyester, that can withstand harsh conditions and rough use. The quality of craftsmanship, strong stitching, and robust zippers make them reliable companions for daily use. https://preview.redd.it/x8dqjnlzsc1d1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=a9b10de0c59e97fd3407cca58a94d65dac7c3957 What sizes do Carhartt gym bags come in?Carhartt gym bags come in various sizes to cater to different needs. There are smaller options like the Drawstring Backpack for carrying basic essentials, medium-sized options like the Classic Sport Duffle Bag, and larger ones like the Carhartt Gym Bag for those who need more storage space.Do Carhartt gym bags have compartments?Yes, many Carhartt gym bags have multiple compartments and pouches to help organize your belongings. These compartments often include a main storage area, a separate shoe compartment, and smaller pockets for items like keys or wallets.How do Carhartt gym bags perform in terms of water resistance?Some Carhartt gym bags offer water-resistant features to protect your belongings from light rain or spills. Make sure to check the product description for specific water resistance capabilities when shopping for a gym bag. https://preview.redd.it/lz2o8dzzsc1d1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=9bdb15461db71bf73fac6167c65eee36b2517507 Are Carhartt gym bags available in different colors or designs?Yes, Carhartt gym bags come in a variety of colors and designs to suit different tastes. From timeless neutral tones to more vibrant options, there is a gym bag available that will fit your style preferences.Are Carhartt gym bags suitable for professionals who need to carry work-related items as well as gym gear?Yes, many Carhartt gym bags can easily accommodate work-related items such as laptops, documents, and stationery along with your workout gear, making them a versatile choice for busy professionals who need a convenient way to carry everything they need for both work and the gym.Do Carhartt gym bags have a warranty or guarantee?While specific warranty information may vary by product, Carhartt is known for manufacturing high-quality, durable products. Many gym bags may come with a limited warranty that addresses manufacturing defects. It's essential to check the product description or contact the merchant for details on warranty and return policies.How can I clean and maintain my Carhartt gym bag?
How do I choose the best Carhartt gym bag for my needs?To choose the best Carhartt gym bag for your needs, consider factors such as the size or capacity required, your preferred style, and any special features or compartments that would suit your specific requirements. It can also be helpful to read reviews from other customers to get a better understanding of how the bag performs in real-world situations.What is the price range for Carhartt gym bags?Carhartt gym bags are available in a wide range of prices, starting from around $20 for smaller, more basic models and extending up to around $100 or more for premium, larger, or more feature-rich options. This variety in pricing allows you to find a bag that accommodates your budget and fulfill your needs.Are Carhartt gym bags suitable for travel?While Carhartt gym bags are designed primarily for everyday use at the gym or during workouts, their durability and size options make them suitable for some types of travel, like short trips or gym-centric vacations. However, for extended or more demanding travel, it may be worth considering a traditional travel bag or another type of luggage designed specifically for longer trips.As an Amazonā¢ Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. |
2024.05.19 11:35 MotleyCrew1989 ADVICE NEEDED: I (35M) confront, play dumb or cut contact with a (F33) friend over something she confided me??
Prepare for a wall of text, this is a long one, also, english is not my motherĀ“s tongue. Im posting this after a question in AskMen touched a sensitive fiber and I need some advice on how to proceed. I posted this on relationshipadvice too, but the female perspective you could offer me here might help me understand this from her point of view too.
She is a married friend of mine, but our friendship is quite peculiar.
We know eachother since our last year at university (eight years ago), we did a team asignament and got along well so we continued seeing eachother after the course ended. We clicked well and talked about everything including our romantic lifes, her almost sexless relationship and my shitty and sexless dating life. We developed trust, companionship and a curiosity for trying new things together. We have the same values, political leaning and dark sense of humour. It is a great friendship and we can confide eachother anything.
She was in an almost sexless relationship for years, she married that same guy and is still married to him (14 years together and counting). Her relationship with her now husband is great except for the sexual aspect. This was a recurring conflict in her relationship up to the point than her then BF told her than "if she wanted sex so much she could find someone else", it didnt bothered him that she had sex outside of the relationship. She almost told him to go fuck himself right there. Ironically, near the marriage date she found chats his fiance had with another woman, he was planing on cheating on her. They talked thing out, she forgave him and got married. I asked her WTF she was thinkig, but she said she loved him...
Over the years of closeness, trust and mutual support, we developed atraction we both adknowledged to eachother but we both knew nothing would happen because she was married. Just to give you an example, she once told me that if she wasnt married we would have been having sex from long ago (wierd to translate from spanish), and I told her that the only thing stopping me is that she respected her marriage. This kind pull and push went on every once in a while for years. We both knew nothing would happen but we liked having someone that made us feel sexually desired, as her relationship was as sexless as before the marriage, and my dating life sucked big time.
Arround year and a half ago, she gave her husband an ultimatum and he finally went to an endocrinologist and a therapist, and after some time their sexual life improved. This went fine for arround a year until her father in law passed away, and their sex life plummeted again.
In our last meetups she told me her husband screwed up again, she found he had a collection of pictures he took from a coworkers IG profile and pictures from other women, which he looked before having sex with her to arouse and prepare himself for the act. When she confronted him, he said he was going to try to improve, but a month passed and he was caught again looking at other womens pic. He said to her that his psychologist told him he wasnt hurting anyone by doing this, as it wasnt cheating.
He said he wanted to do a clean slate, try from the begining again and she also said she had something to confess. A year after the wedding, she took some singing lessons (she sings preety well) and there was a classmate that didnt gave a fuck she was married, she hadnt had sex in months, found someone who was agresive in his aproach, lusted for her and caved in. She told me about the guy when this happened, but she lied to me and said that "it took a lot of willpower and self restraint not to cheat".
Now, here is the problem:
I never expected her to dump her BF/husband for me because that is a recipe for failure and being replaced on the same way the previous guy was. And while I stated I was interested I never pushed too far because of her morals (christian practicing woman who believed in marriage and loyalty AFAIK then). I have to admit than I if she dumped him I would have taken my chance because she is everything I want in a woman (except for the cheating part), she actually raised the standard of what I would like in a long term partner.
But it really pissed me off than the moment she decides to take the risk to set her life on fire, she does it with a random guy, and that the excuse she gave me is that she valued our friendship and would have caused her a lot of pain if her husband found out and she couldnt see me again, she didnt sleep with me because she values me. What kind of twisted, emotionally manipulative way ot thinking is that???. I didnt confront her that exact moment and emotionally dissociated because at the time we were having a coffee previous to a theater function she gifted the ticket to me for my birthday (we give eachother nice gifts), it was not the time nor the place.
I honestly feel used for the validation her husband didnt gave her for years, and a part of me wants to tell her to fuck off and never talk to her again. Another part of me sees a great friend in her, and it would hurt me dearly not having her in my life. This confession changed the way I see her, there is no going back from that. I can accept being second to her husband, for good or bad, its the man she choosed to share her life with, but not to a random stranger (one who didnt gave a fuck about her values).
I have to be honest too, and in these eight years my dating life was a dissaster, I never dated much, I tried for a month or two, then dropped the towel for months on a never ending cycle with longer hiatus each time. Dating allmost always lead nowhere for me, I only had sex with two women in all that time, I would have loved a LTR but it never happened for me. So, having someone that found me atractive as a person and as a man made me feel a bit valued.
TLDR: I have feelings for a married friend, she said she is atracted to me too. It never lead anywhere because we both knew our place. She cheated on her husband with a random guy and told me she didnt cheat on him with me because she values me.
submitted by MotleyCrew1989 to AskWomenOver30 [link] [comments]
She is a married friend of mine, but our friendship is quite peculiar.
We know eachother since our last year at university (eight years ago), we did a team asignament and got along well so we continued seeing eachother after the course ended. We clicked well and talked about everything including our romantic lifes, her almost sexless relationship and my shitty and sexless dating life. We developed trust, companionship and a curiosity for trying new things together. We have the same values, political leaning and dark sense of humour. It is a great friendship and we can confide eachother anything.
She was in an almost sexless relationship for years, she married that same guy and is still married to him (14 years together and counting). Her relationship with her now husband is great except for the sexual aspect. This was a recurring conflict in her relationship up to the point than her then BF told her than "if she wanted sex so much she could find someone else", it didnt bothered him that she had sex outside of the relationship. She almost told him to go fuck himself right there. Ironically, near the marriage date she found chats his fiance had with another woman, he was planing on cheating on her. They talked thing out, she forgave him and got married. I asked her WTF she was thinkig, but she said she loved him...
Over the years of closeness, trust and mutual support, we developed atraction we both adknowledged to eachother but we both knew nothing would happen because she was married. Just to give you an example, she once told me that if she wasnt married we would have been having sex from long ago (wierd to translate from spanish), and I told her that the only thing stopping me is that she respected her marriage. This kind pull and push went on every once in a while for years. We both knew nothing would happen but we liked having someone that made us feel sexually desired, as her relationship was as sexless as before the marriage, and my dating life sucked big time.
Arround year and a half ago, she gave her husband an ultimatum and he finally went to an endocrinologist and a therapist, and after some time their sexual life improved. This went fine for arround a year until her father in law passed away, and their sex life plummeted again.
In our last meetups she told me her husband screwed up again, she found he had a collection of pictures he took from a coworkers IG profile and pictures from other women, which he looked before having sex with her to arouse and prepare himself for the act. When she confronted him, he said he was going to try to improve, but a month passed and he was caught again looking at other womens pic. He said to her that his psychologist told him he wasnt hurting anyone by doing this, as it wasnt cheating.
He said he wanted to do a clean slate, try from the begining again and she also said she had something to confess. A year after the wedding, she took some singing lessons (she sings preety well) and there was a classmate that didnt gave a fuck she was married, she hadnt had sex in months, found someone who was agresive in his aproach, lusted for her and caved in. She told me about the guy when this happened, but she lied to me and said that "it took a lot of willpower and self restraint not to cheat".
Now, here is the problem:
I never expected her to dump her BF/husband for me because that is a recipe for failure and being replaced on the same way the previous guy was. And while I stated I was interested I never pushed too far because of her morals (christian practicing woman who believed in marriage and loyalty AFAIK then). I have to admit than I if she dumped him I would have taken my chance because she is everything I want in a woman (except for the cheating part), she actually raised the standard of what I would like in a long term partner.
But it really pissed me off than the moment she decides to take the risk to set her life on fire, she does it with a random guy, and that the excuse she gave me is that she valued our friendship and would have caused her a lot of pain if her husband found out and she couldnt see me again, she didnt sleep with me because she values me. What kind of twisted, emotionally manipulative way ot thinking is that???. I didnt confront her that exact moment and emotionally dissociated because at the time we were having a coffee previous to a theater function she gifted the ticket to me for my birthday (we give eachother nice gifts), it was not the time nor the place.
I honestly feel used for the validation her husband didnt gave her for years, and a part of me wants to tell her to fuck off and never talk to her again. Another part of me sees a great friend in her, and it would hurt me dearly not having her in my life. This confession changed the way I see her, there is no going back from that. I can accept being second to her husband, for good or bad, its the man she choosed to share her life with, but not to a random stranger (one who didnt gave a fuck about her values).
I have to be honest too, and in these eight years my dating life was a dissaster, I never dated much, I tried for a month or two, then dropped the towel for months on a never ending cycle with longer hiatus each time. Dating allmost always lead nowhere for me, I only had sex with two women in all that time, I would have loved a LTR but it never happened for me. So, having someone that found me atractive as a person and as a man made me feel a bit valued.
TLDR: I have feelings for a married friend, she said she is atracted to me too. It never lead anywhere because we both knew our place. She cheated on her husband with a random guy and told me she didnt cheat on him with me because she values me.
2024.05.19 11:32 MinuteEconomy Women would be more insecure than men if they had to deal with female orbiters.
Men usually have to deal with other guys hitting on their girlfriends/wives and if theyāre insecure about it theyāre told to suck it up get over it because she chose you over them which most of the time is useless and not helpful. It is even expected as a man to deal with such men on almost a daily basis so we learn to deal with it and get over it. This advice mostly comes from women and sometimes guys themselves. But I can guarantee you that if the roles were reversed women would be just as insecure and jealous as men or even more.
Most guys donāt have random women hitting on them or following them on Instagram, texting them on WhatsApp or even talking to them so itās a foreign concept to most women since they donāt have to deal with female orbiters and canāt relate to it. And thereās an easy way to prove it, women on Reddit and in real life get angry when their boyfriends just follow attractive women on Instagram, guys arenāt even talking to them just looking and that is enough to make women insecure. Now imagine if those women who heās following initiated a conversation with him and started complimenting him, liking his pictures, and even sending him her number, or they are hitting on him right in front of you. Women would go crazy with insecurity and jealousy.
Just as an experiment, put your phones together on a table and look at WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook or even Tinder, open the messages and compare whoās getting more attention and conversations from the opposite gender, whoās liking whoās pictures more. Youāll notice that womenās social media is more busier than menās. Now I ask you ladies, how would you feel if your boyfriend/husband was getting all that attention from other women?
submitted by MinuteEconomy to Kenya [link] [comments]
Most guys donāt have random women hitting on them or following them on Instagram, texting them on WhatsApp or even talking to them so itās a foreign concept to most women since they donāt have to deal with female orbiters and canāt relate to it. And thereās an easy way to prove it, women on Reddit and in real life get angry when their boyfriends just follow attractive women on Instagram, guys arenāt even talking to them just looking and that is enough to make women insecure. Now imagine if those women who heās following initiated a conversation with him and started complimenting him, liking his pictures, and even sending him her number, or they are hitting on him right in front of you. Women would go crazy with insecurity and jealousy.
Just as an experiment, put your phones together on a table and look at WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook or even Tinder, open the messages and compare whoās getting more attention and conversations from the opposite gender, whoās liking whoās pictures more. Youāll notice that womenās social media is more busier than menās. Now I ask you ladies, how would you feel if your boyfriend/husband was getting all that attention from other women?
2024.05.19 11:31 jackie_downtheline What should I do? My bf M25 and I F22 are on a break.
I 22F and my bf 25M are currently on a break for the week. Iām doing my uni finals at the moment, and I have been a bit stressed. I noticed my bf wasnāt really talking to me the way he normally would and I asked him whatās up. He sent me a really long text detailing now he thinks we are never on the same page (1), he keeps thinking about how I read his diary (2), I called him my exās name by acccident (3), and he is stressed because I am frustrated about my exams (4). Iāll detail these more now.
Also, at the start of our relationship he was really anxious about us, and I helped him through it. He was also stressed about jobs, and I had helped him prep and make a new cv as Iām good at that stuff and he got job offers. In fact at one point he said to me that he thought I was with him for money. I had more in savings than him at that point and paid for things/went 50/50. I am also lined up for a higher earning job than him when Iām out of uni.
We are on a break atm until my exams are over (20may). I genuinely donāt think these are things to waste 1 year over especially when Iām gonna be out of that stressed environment soon. He replied one night to my goodnight I love you saying ālove youā but only replied x last night. Am I in the wrong here? I feel like an awful person but my parents say he doesnāt treat me nicely/fair and my friends said the only thing I did wrong was read his diary
TL;DR: my boyfriend has been acting very weird towards me recently and I asked him about it. He canāt stop thinking about the fact that I called him my exes name, he wants kids and Iām on the fence (I said no on my profile before we dated), he thinks we have arguments when we donāt (explained in post), and he said that my stress with uni exams isnāt nice to be around (I donāt raise my voice or be angry or be mean to him). Iāve helped him throughout the relationship when he was anxious about us, when he was stressed about getting jobs, and when he was having anxiety attacks. Iām not entirely the same as I was as my grandmother died this year, I had surgery to remove breast tumours, and uni stress has all caught up on me. I just think itās my turn to be supported. I am going to therapy and the gym and starting to better myself but he hasnāt done anything like that. Am I the problem? What should I do?
submitted by jackie_downtheline to relationships [link] [comments]
- He wants kids. I met him online and told him in my profile I was strictly against kids. Recently, I have come around about that, but I am still unsure. Iām not against them but I have explained I would need to do what I want and live my life a bit and have a house and job before I could decide that. I am also a child of divorce and saw how that really affected my mum, and I explained to him how that also put me on the fence. He said he doesnāt want to be with someone for years and it feel like a āwasteā if it doesnāt work out kids wise and he doesnāt wanna start dating in his 30s. Another thing is travel. I had told him I would perhaps like to travel after uni, but I am forgoing that. I said it would be nice to go away on holiday like his other friend couples do maybe once a year, but he thought that I was insinuating we MUST go this year. I explained that I wasnāt expecting him to, because he wants to save for a house (rent), and he canāt get any hols anyway. He was really silent after that as if we had āarguedā and in his eyes that was an argument he brought up this week. I didnāt raise my voice at him or argue, rather said that wasnāt what I meant and explained further.
- This one is bad, I know. I was in a really bad place mentally, and I thought that something was wrong with him since he sometimes suffered from anxiety and dealing with the future. I had only read the last entry he put in and immediately after I read it I told him as I felt so guilty betraying him. Iāve apologised profusely and Iāve been going to counselling to help my own anxiety and depression. I wanna note that Iām not like that around him, itās mainly when Iām by myself so he doesnāt really see that side of me. In the moment I was genuinely worried for him. I know it still makes what I did bad.
- This one really tears me up every day. We were playing around, and instead of saying his name in a playful annoyed way I said my exes. He immediately shut down and wouldnāt talk to me or hear me out. In fact, he kicked me out of his house. I get that what I said was not nice to hear, and upon talking to my counsellor she said it was a common thing to do, and doesnāt mean I was thinking about my ex. I wanna say that I DO NOT think about them and have blocked and deleted them from my life. In doing that however, I did begin to spend more time with my gay bestie who happens to have the same name as my ex and I happened to talk to on that day. I really believe it was a mistake and I thought he was trying to move past it but he keeps bringing it up.
- He doesnāt like to be around me when Iām stressed. When Iām frustrated, Iām not angry at him or raise my voice at him or be passive aggressive, itās more so internalised at myself. He was offering me advice this year and feels like because I didnāt stick to a schedule to complete my uni tasks, I was ignoring him. I work last minute, itās how I have always worked and I get great result. Not to mention, in his final uni year he was the same as me. I dont really get this argument to be honest.
Also, at the start of our relationship he was really anxious about us, and I helped him through it. He was also stressed about jobs, and I had helped him prep and make a new cv as Iām good at that stuff and he got job offers. In fact at one point he said to me that he thought I was with him for money. I had more in savings than him at that point and paid for things/went 50/50. I am also lined up for a higher earning job than him when Iām out of uni.
We are on a break atm until my exams are over (20may). I genuinely donāt think these are things to waste 1 year over especially when Iām gonna be out of that stressed environment soon. He replied one night to my goodnight I love you saying ālove youā but only replied x last night. Am I in the wrong here? I feel like an awful person but my parents say he doesnāt treat me nicely/fair and my friends said the only thing I did wrong was read his diary
TL;DR: my boyfriend has been acting very weird towards me recently and I asked him about it. He canāt stop thinking about the fact that I called him my exes name, he wants kids and Iām on the fence (I said no on my profile before we dated), he thinks we have arguments when we donāt (explained in post), and he said that my stress with uni exams isnāt nice to be around (I donāt raise my voice or be angry or be mean to him). Iāve helped him throughout the relationship when he was anxious about us, when he was stressed about getting jobs, and when he was having anxiety attacks. Iām not entirely the same as I was as my grandmother died this year, I had surgery to remove breast tumours, and uni stress has all caught up on me. I just think itās my turn to be supported. I am going to therapy and the gym and starting to better myself but he hasnāt done anything like that. Am I the problem? What should I do?
2024.05.19 11:26 ThrowRAcvkv A situation between me (24F) and my boyfriend (26M), can anyone please help me out through this?
Me (24F) and my boyfriend (26M) have been dating since 9 months. I am an old school, hopeless romantic kinda woman who writes poetry and stuff, doesnāt give up on love at all, till the last ounce of my breath. He was a F boy for 2 years straight because he lost his mother during COVID and he was trying to cope with it. But i gave him a chance to change and think maturely about relationships. We both are on the same page of having a sensible and serious relationship. But we have been going through a very rough patch lately. In the beginning 4-5 months he behaved very nicely and stuff, gave me time, was patient with me, validated my feelings (since i am over-thinker, so i need a lot of reassurance) but now the tables have turned. He asked me to support him since he was struggling financially and I agreed with him but as soon as i agreed with him, he started unpacking his stress baggage, talking to me rudely, behaving very differently, doesnāt even caring about me (even i am crying or i am ill or even at the hospital), blaming everything on me (for example if he fails to work because of his laziness or lack of attention he will blame it on me that i wasnāt able to work because you said me this and my all the attention goes there and my mind switches off itself and couldnāt work), stopped talking about the relationship and started saying me to handle everything, if i say something like i have been feeling the distance between us or just some general feelings of mine, he will start shouting and creates a fight, even though i apologise like 100 times, started treating me very badly (for example, yesterday I was waiting and roaming around the city for 7 hours in almost peak summers just to spend 1 hour with him so that we can sit and talk about us, i ate nothing and i told him that, he didnāt asked or cared to ask where i was or did i ate something instead just said sorry he was busy in work and couldnāt made it on time, i still understood his situation and greeted him by hugging him. And then as i started talking about our relationship and all the problems we are facing nowadays (honestly was on the verge of breaking up and it was a serious conversation) and he was still busy on the phone checking about the damn cricket match) And at the end still blamed me that he asked me to support him during this stressful time but he couldnāt see any support from my side. If i text him less thinking he might be busy, then also he will blame me that i donāt care about him, if i check up on him and send texts and still will get blamed that he couldnāt work because of me, while he says harsh and ruthless things to me but i endure all most of the times, thinking he might be stressed but it hurts me as well as i am a human being as well, so i bring those things up to him and still he blames me that i fight with him.
I mean i donāt know what he wants and when i ask him how do you want me to support you, he says i donāt know you should figure out yourself as you love me.
Can anyone help me what should i do? :(
submitted by ThrowRAcvkv to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I mean i donāt know what he wants and when i ask him how do you want me to support you, he says i donāt know you should figure out yourself as you love me.
Can anyone help me what should i do? :(
2024.05.19 11:17 Either_Instance9869 why won't he understand
i never thought i'd be in this situation, but here i am. there's this guy, let's call him T, who just doesn't get the hint. we met through mutual friends a few months ago and at first, he seemed nice. we had a couple of conversations and hung out in group settings. but then he started to get more persistent, asking me out on dates. at first, i was polite and declined, saying i wasn't interested. but T kept pushing. he started showing up at places he knew i'd be, sending me messages constantly, even after i made it clear i wasn't interested.
it started getting really uncomfortable. heād show up at my work, pretending it was a coincidence. my friends noticed and tried to intervene, telling him to back off, but nothing seemed to work. i started feeling anxious all the time, dreading that he'd appear out of nowhere.
things took a turn for the worse when i found him waiting outside my apartment one evening. i was scared but tried to stay calm. i told him to leave and that this was not okay. he left but the next day, i got a long message from him saying how much he liked me and that he thought we had a connection.
i feel trapped. i've blocked him on social media and my phone, but i'm constantly looking over my shoulder. my friends are supportive, but they can only do so much. i've considered going to the police, but i'm worried they won't take me seriously since he hasn't done anything violent. i'm scared it might escalate though.
it's exhausting having to deal with this every day. i just want him to understand that no means no and to leave me alone. i don't know what else to do and iām starting to feel really helpless. any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.
submitted by Either_Instance9869 to offmychest [link] [comments]
it started getting really uncomfortable. heād show up at my work, pretending it was a coincidence. my friends noticed and tried to intervene, telling him to back off, but nothing seemed to work. i started feeling anxious all the time, dreading that he'd appear out of nowhere.
things took a turn for the worse when i found him waiting outside my apartment one evening. i was scared but tried to stay calm. i told him to leave and that this was not okay. he left but the next day, i got a long message from him saying how much he liked me and that he thought we had a connection.
i feel trapped. i've blocked him on social media and my phone, but i'm constantly looking over my shoulder. my friends are supportive, but they can only do so much. i've considered going to the police, but i'm worried they won't take me seriously since he hasn't done anything violent. i'm scared it might escalate though.
it's exhausting having to deal with this every day. i just want him to understand that no means no and to leave me alone. i don't know what else to do and iām starting to feel really helpless. any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.
2024.05.19 11:13 crackersandcheese224 21 [M4F] #East of England - What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang here, Iāll go on ahead!
Hi everyone! Hope youāre all doing well!
About me:
A slim, somewhat feminine, 21 year old guy from the east of England, standing at 5 foot 8 inches, who works full time and is studying for a masters degree alongside working (please send help). Relatively short light brown hair, white skin, greenish eyes and like dressing in smart clothes.
I am a homebody, through and through, spending cosy time indoors is what makes me tick and is how I spend a lot of my time. Whether that be digging into a long gaming session, relaxing with a good book, cooking up a storm (or maybe a tornado depending on the aftermath I leave behind) in the kitchen, watching a good film or tv show, or enjoying a nap, my home is my happy place.
That being said, I enjoy spending time in nature as much as the next person, and love going out for walks, exploring new restaurants or taking long drives.
Iām not a very social person, finding socialising in large groups rather stressful, however I do enjoy spending time with others, often one on one works best for me. I also have a short social battery, so need alone time as well. In my mission to find my person, I also hope to find someone with whom I can spend limitless amounts of time, someone who simply feels like home.
Iām a hopeless romantic too, and believe in finding āthe oneā someday, which, I suppose, is why Iām here! I adore affection in all forms, and all the various love languages hold some standing with me, though physical affection would likely be top dog if Iām honest.
My overall demeanour is sweet, well meaning, soft and often a little excitable (which can ramp up in lots of situations). Iāve been likened to a puppy by friends before.
As a partner:
As a partner I am someone who delights in caring for my person, being there to help them with the little things which make things just that tiny bit easier - Making them food after a long day, listening to them when they need to vent, treating them when they need it (and sometimes when they donāt š ). A big part of a relationship for me is spending quality time together, whether that be doing something together, for example watching tv or cooking a recipe, or spending time together whilst doing our own thing. I want to be able to be with my person and be entirely comfortable and content in their presence. Iām also very affectionate as mentioned above, and will want to give you cuddles at just about every minute of the day š
Iām a good listener, and love to learn about other people and ask questions to dig deeper into the way they feel about things etc. I also value this greatly in another person.
Other facts/points of interest:
I prefer to converse over text initially, and tend to write rather a lot when I like somebody (and when the effort is reciprocated), then move onto other mediums down the line.
I am open to sharing pictures of myself right off the bat (as long as you do the same).
I believe that I have autism, and so somebody who understands this and appreciates that some things are difficult for me would be ideal.
About you:
Some traits I value in a partner are as follows, now, this is by no means an exhaustive list, nor is it a list of requirements, just some things that I adore in others, as well as things that I try to cultivate in myself:
Good listener, good communicator, interested in me, affectionate/caring, well mannered (not impolite), articulate, kind, humble/down to earth.
Otherwise, please just be respectful and put some effort in if you message me.
As a final note, have some conversation starters for if you decide to message me:
Whatās the best advice youāve ever received?
Where is your happy place?
Whatās something about you that you think is somewhat embarrassing but really cute?
What, if anything, did you connect with in my post?
Take care, I hope to hear from you!
And last of all, Iām also open to making friends if youād prefer that :)
submitted by crackersandcheese224 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
Hi everyone! Hope youāre all doing well!
About me:
A slim, somewhat feminine, 21 year old guy from the east of England, standing at 5 foot 8 inches, who works full time and is studying for a masters degree alongside working (please send help). Relatively short light brown hair, white skin, greenish eyes and like dressing in smart clothes.
I am a homebody, through and through, spending cosy time indoors is what makes me tick and is how I spend a lot of my time. Whether that be digging into a long gaming session, relaxing with a good book, cooking up a storm (or maybe a tornado depending on the aftermath I leave behind) in the kitchen, watching a good film or tv show, or enjoying a nap, my home is my happy place.
That being said, I enjoy spending time in nature as much as the next person, and love going out for walks, exploring new restaurants or taking long drives.
Iām not a very social person, finding socialising in large groups rather stressful, however I do enjoy spending time with others, often one on one works best for me. I also have a short social battery, so need alone time as well. In my mission to find my person, I also hope to find someone with whom I can spend limitless amounts of time, someone who simply feels like home.
Iām a hopeless romantic too, and believe in finding āthe oneā someday, which, I suppose, is why Iām here! I adore affection in all forms, and all the various love languages hold some standing with me, though physical affection would likely be top dog if Iām honest.
My overall demeanour is sweet, well meaning, soft and often a little excitable (which can ramp up in lots of situations). Iāve been likened to a puppy by friends before.
As a partner:
As a partner I am someone who delights in caring for my person, being there to help them with the little things which make things just that tiny bit easier - Making them food after a long day, listening to them when they need to vent, treating them when they need it (and sometimes when they donāt š ). A big part of a relationship for me is spending quality time together, whether that be doing something together, for example watching tv or cooking a recipe, or spending time together whilst doing our own thing. I want to be able to be with my person and be entirely comfortable and content in their presence. Iām also very affectionate as mentioned above, and will want to give you cuddles at just about every minute of the day š
Iām a good listener, and love to learn about other people and ask questions to dig deeper into the way they feel about things etc. I also value this greatly in another person.
Other facts/points of interest:
I prefer to converse over text initially, and tend to write rather a lot when I like somebody (and when the effort is reciprocated), then move onto other mediums down the line.
I am open to sharing pictures of myself right off the bat (as long as you do the same).
I believe that I have autism, and so somebody who understands this and appreciates that some things are difficult for me would be ideal.
About you:
Some traits I value in a partner are as follows, now, this is by no means an exhaustive list, nor is it a list of requirements, just some things that I adore in others, as well as things that I try to cultivate in myself:
Good listener, good communicator, interested in me, affectionate/caring, well mannered (not impolite), articulate, kind, humble/down to earth.
Otherwise, please just be respectful and put some effort in if you message me.
As a final note, have some conversation starters for if you decide to message me:
Whatās the best advice youāve ever received?
Where is your happy place?
Whatās something about you that you think is somewhat embarrassing but really cute?
What, if anything, did you connect with in my post?
Take care, I hope to hear from you!
And last of all, Iām also open to making friends if youād prefer that :)
2024.05.19 11:01 MarkedMatt Answering popular questions related to the lore
Why didn't/couldn't Sidorovich, Barkeep and Sakharov recognize Strelok during SoC events?
This might seem like a plothole, but it actually isn't. Sid didn't know Strelok personally:
"Yeah, I've heard of a stalker by that name. Rumors is he's one of the few who went to the center of the Zone and made it back. Still, we got so many of these legendary stories about stalker heroes that I can't really guarantee anything. At any rate, I've never dealt with him personally. It seems he has his own trading channels. Anyhow, just ask the folks here in the Zone and you'll be sure to learn a lot more." Clear Sky confirms that his words are true, because during CS events it was Fang who had a business with Sidorovich and not Strelok.
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/A4Pxgp.jpg https://snipboard.io/piHsac.jpg
Barkeep's dialogue:
"An experienced stalker as far as I know. He used to "work" through the northern exits from the Zone. He was hardly ever seen here but there are rumors that he took his group right into the center of the Zone."
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/Y4EmM2.jpg
About Sakharov - There are plenty of possible explanations for the fact that he doesn't recognize Strelok, but the closest we have to an official explanation is included in the design document of the original storyline of the prequel, where it's said that Strelok's face was bandaged at the time:
"Strelok, whose face is still covered with bandages, comes to Sakharov and tells that he is planning a trip to the CNPP."
Of course, it's not really canon, but it still works.
Why won't military just bomb the Zone?
First of all, they already tried but failed:
"I can't really get into that - we've got some discipline in this place, after all. Our general Krylov certainly used to be a military man. I heard a few stories about how, just as the Zone formed, the government organized a military operation in here. They were sent to the very center of the Zone with an order to blow it all to hell with nuclear explosives. Can you imagine what that means? These guys were sent with no protection, no detectors, no information about what to expect in the Zone. Many perished in anomalies right off, and most of those who didn't were done in by an emission. The few survivors were left behind to die a slow death. General Krylov is one of those few. I don't know who he's pals with, but he hates the military ever since he and his buddies were sent straight to their deaths. He's got some connections in Spetsnaz though. Spetsnaz only got real men. Sometimes Duty crosses paths with them. That's pretty much it - consider it the abridged version." - Dialogue of Zvyagintsev
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/HP1pVq.jpg
Second of all, it's obviously a very bad idea.
"Everyone who believes in the Monolith is completely nuts. They keep banging on about it but nobody actually knows what's in the center of the Zone. An invisible crystal that fell from the skies...ha-ha-ha! I reckon one of the secret labs blew up - I mean some stalkers used to work in a few of them. But, obviously, you can't bomb the Zone. Not only will the radiation spread all over the world, half of Europe would be flattened by the Zone's reaction. "Someone" has gone totally mad lately - I heard they're killing normal stalkers for no reason at all. How do you like that? Damn fanatics." - Dialogue of Random 100 Rads Bar Dutyer
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/oWRgr0.jpg
Is the Zone growing?
Only SoC presents this idea. Neither Clear Sky nor Call of Pripyat mentioned anything about Zone's expansion. In fact, Hermann in CoP just said that Zone is evolving, while Loki directly said that it isn't getting bigger:
"They're idiots, that's what I think. I mean, why the hell would they want to destroy the Zone? it's not consuming precious resources or getting bigger... or anything. They could just sit there and study it to their heart's content - just think of how many scientific discoveries could be made... I mean, in the history of man-kind, no one has never been able to understand antigravitation, right? And in the Zone you've got ready-made antigravitation devices lying all over the place. It wouldn't hurt to kick their asses out of here, but it's too much hassle. By the way, don't be confused by our relations here at Yanov. We are at war... it's just that Yanov has been made neutral territory, if you know what I mean." - Loki
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/UQ8ZEO.jpg
If The Zone is practically known globally then how come we aren't seeing other world governments trying to send people of their own to study it?
"Right... I seem to remember you asking me about something last night, though I can't recall... Ah, got it. You wanted to know why it's only our eggheads messing around in the Zone. Curious why the foreigners won't show up, even though there's enough stuff here for thousands of Nobles prizes... Alright, let's see. First of all, what the heck do they need coming down here for, when they can simply pay some of our guys and get the results on a silver plate? Second of all, they've actually been there themselves, and quite a lot of them, too. It's just that in the last two years these gringos have been badly scared of going into the Zone..." - Fragment from PDA entry called "The chronicles of egghead globalists"
"Ever heard about Station Thirty-Two? That's where they all bit the bullet. It was all quiet at first, pretty much normal... They'd be reading their meters, taking samples, poking their gear into anomalies... And then they all started going nuts. Every friggin one of them. Everyone slowly going off their rocker. One of ours, the one that retired eventually, told me about it... Some actually ripped their own throats open, other would smash their heads against the wall, and some would simply... Gun in their mouth and... And then the beasts started swarming all over them. Those few who were still sane enough barricaded themselves in the house. You get the picture, right? Dark night, all the local beasties outside, and people going nuts one after another inside. In short, in the morning those who still had it together broke out of there somehow. Went straight on, even got caught in some anomalies... Got to the Rotten Forest... But none of those who had been left behind have been found. they say loads of controllers were recorded in that area. that's how it was... Since then, no one goes anywhere near Station Thirty-Two, and the foreigners steer clear of the Zone... " - Another fragment from that entry
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/ZEXgNy.jpg (Part 1) https://snipboard.io/gksjHB.jpg (Part 2) https://snipboard.io/Zc8W2G.jpg (Part 3.)
"There are always developments in the Zone, and they're always interesting. I already told you about Monolith - they're on everybody's tongue... Have you heard about a new major expedition into the Zone? Technically, they're environmental researchers from the UN, but that's just on paper. Sure, they got a couple four-eyed scientists, but just one look at all the others tells you they're seasoned fighters. No idea why they're here. Oh, and dig this: they're not using guides. Either they're being guided by satellite, or their mission is so secret that no one else could be let in on it. They seem to be approaching the Radar. I dunno how this will end, but I got a feeling it won't be pretty." - Dialogue of Hog
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/oejv2a.jpg
What happened to Scar?
There can be many answers to this question. Scar's fate could have turned out in many ways - perhaps, if the brainwashing process failed, he became simply zombified; if it was successful, he could've died while being transported in the death truck; if this didn't happen, he had a clearly defined task to perform, and could die while trying to do it; if he survived, he might still be wandering around the Zone as an amnesiac.
It's also possible that he simply died during the emission, or was captured but somehow managed to overcome the brainwashing process and escaped from whatever laboratory it was taking place in.
Monolith's weaponry. How do they have so many guns?
It can be partially explained by a couple of things. First thing that should be noted is that Monolith before trilogy used to be different faction. It can be assumed that they already had decent weapons (I have another post which includes dialogues about older Monolith) https://www.reddit.com/stalkecomments/1ax5u7x/interesting_facts_about_the_monolith_faction/
Second thing is that even rookies know that they gotta get better equipment before going deeper into the Zone:
"For now I'm just gaining experience and saving up some coin. As soon as I have enough, I'll buy me a good shooter and armor, and head straight for the center of the Zone. Rumor has it some guys already made it there and found the Wish Granter. That's where I'm gonna go. And when I find it, I won't go wrong with my wish, you can bet on that!" - Dialogue of Cordon Loner in Clear Sky
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/bqyuzA.jpg
And lastly, C-Consciousness Representative said "From the moment the Zone was formed, many people have tried to get to its center". Many people seem to think that Brain Scorcher only turns people into zombies, but it seems that it was also capable of converting them to Monolith:
"Brothers, as we were patrolling the outskirts of the Dark Forest we came upon an unfaithful loner. We did not kill him, seeing as he was already on his way to conversion, although he was still half-way in his animal state... Such is the wisdom of the Monolith: once again it revealed to us the true countenance of our enemies." - PDA entry called "A convert in the Black Forest"
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/jC2MPJ.jpg
About their suits - there can be more than 1 answer.
It's interesting to point out that Monolith suit was located in lab X-18. Either the faction stashed them there, or they were here before. A possible explanation could be that such suits were used by guards of the secret facilities in the Zone before the 2nd disaster
I think this is important to point out too
"Stalker suit from the Monolith faction. The producer is unknown. Its protective properties are slightly worse then those of the PSZ-9a military bulletproof vest. Its structure is similar to the suit popular with neutral stalkers which combines a bulletproof vest and a radiation protection suit. It provides good protection from gunfire. Its level of anomaly protection is low due to the absence of an air" - Description of Monolith Suit
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/XITJs4.jpg
"Stalker suit manufactured by "folk craftsmen". It is an effective combination of a light military bulletproof vest and of a rubberized fabric suit. It is reinforced with inserted kevlar plates and provides good protection from weak gunfire. All in all it is highly inefficient for carrying out deep raids and serious operations in the knots of the Zone." - Stalker Suit (Sunrise)
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/zMGpqd.jpg
Lastly, Yantar loner NPCs in Clear Sky mention in their dialogue mention very interesting thing:
"I heard a whole faction went missing in the Zone. You ever heard of Monolith? Well, they used to protect the Zone from others, but they made a move towards the center right before the Emission. Nobody has heard from them since, but recently some real aggressive stalkers have been attacking from where the Scorcher is, killing everyone and asking no questions. I know because I saw them myself around the military warehouses, and I reckon they might be those same Monolithians who disappeared. It wouldn't surprise me, because their uniforms looked real similar." Other than a fact that Monolith faction of the trilogy had members from older Monolith who wore similar uniform, dead bodies of Monolithians in Clear Sky, that are scattered over the Zone very well could be the dead bodies of older Monolith faction
submitted by MarkedMatt to stalker [link] [comments]
This might seem like a plothole, but it actually isn't. Sid didn't know Strelok personally:
"Yeah, I've heard of a stalker by that name. Rumors is he's one of the few who went to the center of the Zone and made it back. Still, we got so many of these legendary stories about stalker heroes that I can't really guarantee anything. At any rate, I've never dealt with him personally. It seems he has his own trading channels. Anyhow, just ask the folks here in the Zone and you'll be sure to learn a lot more." Clear Sky confirms that his words are true, because during CS events it was Fang who had a business with Sidorovich and not Strelok.
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/A4Pxgp.jpg https://snipboard.io/piHsac.jpg
Barkeep's dialogue:
"An experienced stalker as far as I know. He used to "work" through the northern exits from the Zone. He was hardly ever seen here but there are rumors that he took his group right into the center of the Zone."
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/Y4EmM2.jpg
About Sakharov - There are plenty of possible explanations for the fact that he doesn't recognize Strelok, but the closest we have to an official explanation is included in the design document of the original storyline of the prequel, where it's said that Strelok's face was bandaged at the time:
"Strelok, whose face is still covered with bandages, comes to Sakharov and tells that he is planning a trip to the CNPP."
Of course, it's not really canon, but it still works.
Why won't military just bomb the Zone?
First of all, they already tried but failed:
"I can't really get into that - we've got some discipline in this place, after all. Our general Krylov certainly used to be a military man. I heard a few stories about how, just as the Zone formed, the government organized a military operation in here. They were sent to the very center of the Zone with an order to blow it all to hell with nuclear explosives. Can you imagine what that means? These guys were sent with no protection, no detectors, no information about what to expect in the Zone. Many perished in anomalies right off, and most of those who didn't were done in by an emission. The few survivors were left behind to die a slow death. General Krylov is one of those few. I don't know who he's pals with, but he hates the military ever since he and his buddies were sent straight to their deaths. He's got some connections in Spetsnaz though. Spetsnaz only got real men. Sometimes Duty crosses paths with them. That's pretty much it - consider it the abridged version." - Dialogue of Zvyagintsev
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/HP1pVq.jpg
Second of all, it's obviously a very bad idea.
"Everyone who believes in the Monolith is completely nuts. They keep banging on about it but nobody actually knows what's in the center of the Zone. An invisible crystal that fell from the skies...ha-ha-ha! I reckon one of the secret labs blew up - I mean some stalkers used to work in a few of them. But, obviously, you can't bomb the Zone. Not only will the radiation spread all over the world, half of Europe would be flattened by the Zone's reaction. "Someone" has gone totally mad lately - I heard they're killing normal stalkers for no reason at all. How do you like that? Damn fanatics." - Dialogue of Random 100 Rads Bar Dutyer
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/oWRgr0.jpg
Is the Zone growing?
Only SoC presents this idea. Neither Clear Sky nor Call of Pripyat mentioned anything about Zone's expansion. In fact, Hermann in CoP just said that Zone is evolving, while Loki directly said that it isn't getting bigger:
"They're idiots, that's what I think. I mean, why the hell would they want to destroy the Zone? it's not consuming precious resources or getting bigger... or anything. They could just sit there and study it to their heart's content - just think of how many scientific discoveries could be made... I mean, in the history of man-kind, no one has never been able to understand antigravitation, right? And in the Zone you've got ready-made antigravitation devices lying all over the place. It wouldn't hurt to kick their asses out of here, but it's too much hassle. By the way, don't be confused by our relations here at Yanov. We are at war... it's just that Yanov has been made neutral territory, if you know what I mean." - Loki
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/UQ8ZEO.jpg
If The Zone is practically known globally then how come we aren't seeing other world governments trying to send people of their own to study it?
"Right... I seem to remember you asking me about something last night, though I can't recall... Ah, got it. You wanted to know why it's only our eggheads messing around in the Zone. Curious why the foreigners won't show up, even though there's enough stuff here for thousands of Nobles prizes... Alright, let's see. First of all, what the heck do they need coming down here for, when they can simply pay some of our guys and get the results on a silver plate? Second of all, they've actually been there themselves, and quite a lot of them, too. It's just that in the last two years these gringos have been badly scared of going into the Zone..." - Fragment from PDA entry called "The chronicles of egghead globalists"
"Ever heard about Station Thirty-Two? That's where they all bit the bullet. It was all quiet at first, pretty much normal... They'd be reading their meters, taking samples, poking their gear into anomalies... And then they all started going nuts. Every friggin one of them. Everyone slowly going off their rocker. One of ours, the one that retired eventually, told me about it... Some actually ripped their own throats open, other would smash their heads against the wall, and some would simply... Gun in their mouth and... And then the beasts started swarming all over them. Those few who were still sane enough barricaded themselves in the house. You get the picture, right? Dark night, all the local beasties outside, and people going nuts one after another inside. In short, in the morning those who still had it together broke out of there somehow. Went straight on, even got caught in some anomalies... Got to the Rotten Forest... But none of those who had been left behind have been found. they say loads of controllers were recorded in that area. that's how it was... Since then, no one goes anywhere near Station Thirty-Two, and the foreigners steer clear of the Zone... " - Another fragment from that entry
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/ZEXgNy.jpg (Part 1) https://snipboard.io/gksjHB.jpg (Part 2) https://snipboard.io/Zc8W2G.jpg (Part 3.)
"There are always developments in the Zone, and they're always interesting. I already told you about Monolith - they're on everybody's tongue... Have you heard about a new major expedition into the Zone? Technically, they're environmental researchers from the UN, but that's just on paper. Sure, they got a couple four-eyed scientists, but just one look at all the others tells you they're seasoned fighters. No idea why they're here. Oh, and dig this: they're not using guides. Either they're being guided by satellite, or their mission is so secret that no one else could be let in on it. They seem to be approaching the Radar. I dunno how this will end, but I got a feeling it won't be pretty." - Dialogue of Hog
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/oejv2a.jpg
What happened to Scar?
There can be many answers to this question. Scar's fate could have turned out in many ways - perhaps, if the brainwashing process failed, he became simply zombified; if it was successful, he could've died while being transported in the death truck; if this didn't happen, he had a clearly defined task to perform, and could die while trying to do it; if he survived, he might still be wandering around the Zone as an amnesiac.
It's also possible that he simply died during the emission, or was captured but somehow managed to overcome the brainwashing process and escaped from whatever laboratory it was taking place in.
Monolith's weaponry. How do they have so many guns?
It can be partially explained by a couple of things. First thing that should be noted is that Monolith before trilogy used to be different faction. It can be assumed that they already had decent weapons (I have another post which includes dialogues about older Monolith) https://www.reddit.com/stalkecomments/1ax5u7x/interesting_facts_about_the_monolith_faction/
Second thing is that even rookies know that they gotta get better equipment before going deeper into the Zone:
"For now I'm just gaining experience and saving up some coin. As soon as I have enough, I'll buy me a good shooter and armor, and head straight for the center of the Zone. Rumor has it some guys already made it there and found the Wish Granter. That's where I'm gonna go. And when I find it, I won't go wrong with my wish, you can bet on that!" - Dialogue of Cordon Loner in Clear Sky
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/bqyuzA.jpg
And lastly, C-Consciousness Representative said "From the moment the Zone was formed, many people have tried to get to its center". Many people seem to think that Brain Scorcher only turns people into zombies, but it seems that it was also capable of converting them to Monolith:
"Brothers, as we were patrolling the outskirts of the Dark Forest we came upon an unfaithful loner. We did not kill him, seeing as he was already on his way to conversion, although he was still half-way in his animal state... Such is the wisdom of the Monolith: once again it revealed to us the true countenance of our enemies." - PDA entry called "A convert in the Black Forest"
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/jC2MPJ.jpg
About their suits - there can be more than 1 answer.
It's interesting to point out that Monolith suit was located in lab X-18. Either the faction stashed them there, or they were here before. A possible explanation could be that such suits were used by guards of the secret facilities in the Zone before the 2nd disaster
I think this is important to point out too
"Stalker suit from the Monolith faction. The producer is unknown. Its protective properties are slightly worse then those of the PSZ-9a military bulletproof vest. Its structure is similar to the suit popular with neutral stalkers which combines a bulletproof vest and a radiation protection suit. It provides good protection from gunfire. Its level of anomaly protection is low due to the absence of an air" - Description of Monolith Suit
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/XITJs4.jpg
"Stalker suit manufactured by "folk craftsmen". It is an effective combination of a light military bulletproof vest and of a rubberized fabric suit. It is reinforced with inserted kevlar plates and provides good protection from weak gunfire. All in all it is highly inefficient for carrying out deep raids and serious operations in the knots of the Zone." - Stalker Suit (Sunrise)
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/zMGpqd.jpg
Lastly, Yantar loner NPCs in Clear Sky mention in their dialogue mention very interesting thing:
"I heard a whole faction went missing in the Zone. You ever heard of Monolith? Well, they used to protect the Zone from others, but they made a move towards the center right before the Emission. Nobody has heard from them since, but recently some real aggressive stalkers have been attacking from where the Scorcher is, killing everyone and asking no questions. I know because I saw them myself around the military warehouses, and I reckon they might be those same Monolithians who disappeared. It wouldn't surprise me, because their uniforms looked real similar." Other than a fact that Monolith faction of the trilogy had members from older Monolith who wore similar uniform, dead bodies of Monolithians in Clear Sky, that are scattered over the Zone very well could be the dead bodies of older Monolith faction
2024.05.19 10:59 exsapphi New Zealand needs to be looking towards a green future for our own economic viability (as told through the history of glass)
The thing about this climate crisis that no one talks about is that economically, this is not new. This is the same sort of shift as any other massive economic shift we've seen in history, whether resulting from technology or environment or society or any combination of the three. It will be rapid; as rapid as the economic expansion of Europe when it discovered just how profitable colonisation and slavery were. But it's not really anything unseen in an economic sense.
How markets work is this: everything is just supply and demand. If there is a known demand for something, in a roundabout way, the market will ensure that demand is supplied. It might melt a few glaciers in the meantime, or be delayed by a war or two, but it's a force akin to that of nature, or evolution, or cause and effect. The markets will balance. Eventually.
Glass is an incredibly old invention. It's fragile, much more fragile than pottery, so we rarely find it in archeological digs. But it's been invented in and/or expanded to many many cultures throughout history since at least 2000 BC in Egypt, Mesopotamia, and Syria, followed by the Greeks, the Romans, the Canaan, and the Persians. Basically anyone with an empire, including the Chinese, was making glass. Unfortunately they'd only just discovered transparent glass by the late Bronze Age, when the Bronze Age collapsed due to a series of environmental, migratory and urban changes.
(A good reminder that historically, periods of mass technological advancement are followed by civilisation collapses and dark ages. Until the present, of course. But that's been true of every present.)
A lot of glass-making technology was lost, but some important things were saved and some new stuff was rediscovered, and most of this discovering happened in Europe because they had, as I mentioned, wine. And rich people wanted to show off their pretty, colourful wine, and that only worked if your glass was transparent. And Italy had access to pure silica quartz, plus soda ash via their trade with the Levant, and so some clever spark there developed the first pair of eyeglasses.
And that's how you have Mecca, Italy and Venice (the latter of whom had been producing the famous Venetian glass, but moved all their glassmakers to Italy because they'd built all their buildings out of wood) all mass producing eye-glasses with consistent standards for Europe and the Middle East by the 14th century.
This might seem like a small development, but gradual loss of sight used to be a disability. Like, it seriously disabled people from doing many things. Far-sightedness meant artisans couldn't create and scholars couldn't read -- I can't even imagine how many people died falling off a horse just because they were short-sighted. For civilisations to have access to devices that got them decades of productivity out of some of the most skilled people in their societies was massive. And that's part of how you get European dominance over Asia, because the Chinese economic powerhouses didn't care about glass as much as Europe did. It's not enough to just invent something. To develop a technology, a society needs both the resources to play with and the need to play with it. That's why we get so much advancement from war. You can thank Germany for your microwave.
We have no control over anything but us. And that's terrifying. The climate change that crippled the Bronze Age wasn't even their fault and they still got thrown back to the Dark Ages.
We are going to see our own change in the market. We are going to live it. And one thing is true, whether National or ACT or BP like it or not: fossil fuels cannot continue to be relied upon as a commodity. Not long-term. It's a dying industry, slowly but surely, and it'll die whether we manage to wean ourselves off petrol or whether we use it all up first.
To a lesser extent, this is true of other non-renewables too. We are not at critical mass yet with our lithium-ion batteries, but we're now at the stage where people in the third world all seem to have cellphones. This is not a sustainable practice for a limited metal we have to mine from the earth. When something is running out, we don't have to stop using that material in the things we build; if we start to use it all up, it will soon get too expensive to build with, and that will stop us.
And that's why we have to stop using it: because if you as a country or industry pour all your energy and resources into developing technology based off that now-scarce resource, you will be left with no usable technology when that resource runs out.
When we attribute "intentions" to things like forces and political parties, it can be easy to forget there's not a concerted, rational mind at play behind their decisions, and their actions are influenced by all of the people and factors and forces that make them up. When I say, "National has been bought by lobbyists", I don't mean every single person in the party is a corporate shill. I just mean that there is enough corporate, business, and big-money influence in the party that they are no longer being governed primarily by their voter base or even their party members.
Nothing makes this more obvious than National's direction in politics. When your LABOUR and GREEN parties are the ones proposing to fix your climate crisis via free-market ingenuity that we can patent, sell on and capitalise off, something has gone wrong. There is money to be made in climate change, and National are off chasing oil down the bottom of a well.
If we don't wean ourselves off fossil fuels, we will find ourselves paying for it the increased price for them when we don't have the green technology to utilise at the end of supply. If we don't put our minds to green tech and science, we won't have the environment-saving and cleaning and reinforcing products and knowledge to sell on when the demand for them peaks through the ceiling -- instead we will be buying from other countries at big prices, paying to ship their experts here to tell us how to manage our estuaries or dump sites or skink habitats or whatever it is we need to fix next. New Zealand got lucky with our green energy; we were already using renewables by sheer coincidence when the climate crisis struck, and it made our transition to this new world very smooth. We will not be that lucky again.
Look at what we produce as a country. We held on far too long to our wool market out of some idea that it was "what we were supposed to be doing", and it nearly wrecked the country. Because it took us so long to change, and because we'd converted all our land into pasture, the most effective market for us to turn to became beef. Now that market is thriving, and we are willfully ignoring the real economic costs that will come with being a beef export country, and that cost is methane. There is not a future where countries will be allowed to emit methane for free. And there are no methane-light cows to switch to. Not until we develop them.
And this is what people talk about when they talk about environmental solutions still to be developed -- as if other people are going to develop them. That is incorrect. WE are the Cow Country. WE are the ones that should be foremost of the cow-fart field. If we do, we will be the ones benefitting by selling our bio-engineered cows and our science that made it happen. But if we don't, if we trail behind, we let other countries get out in front, and then our industry relies on them, and their industry outgrows us.
And these are all individual product or problem examples, but we are dragging our feet across the entire green industry. Why?
Their only interest is keeping ahold of their incredibly profitable market, and that market needs machines that use oil, and consumers willing to buy those machines, and people who aren't thinking about switching to a non-oil version of their tractor that doesn't exist yet (because no one has found the need to invent it. Or had the right resources.)
Oil cares about oil. Mining cares about mining. Tobacco cares about tobacco. Beef cares about beef. And we get value out of these industries as a country, as a society, so when they say"This thing is bad for me", we do have to listen to that. Otherwise we won't get our beef, or our oil. But "This thing is bad for ME" isn't the same as "This thing is bad for YOU". And companies are relying on consumers to not know the difference.
Our oceans should be feeling very nervous right now.
It's the small influences we can't see that make these big decisions later on. The people who select our future MPs. The people who decide, hey, I'm going to try this new glass technique. But it takes an awful lot of decisions to make a glassblowing society.
A lot of what we do, we don't do consciously, like developing eye-glasses. But the benefit of our open democries, of our information-based societies, of our unprecedented understanding of economies and markets and science and climate, should mean that when we choose to do something consciously, we can do it.
When we don't, something has gone wrong.
That SHOULD be National. There is so much involved in politics; our politicians are running so much. And they're spending most of their time undoing the last guy's policies. Labour's policies sound like the Greens. National doesn't have any except "win". ACT are doing Charter Schools again. And the policies being made are being made in the interests of business people.
Our politicians don't have visions like Hollyoake of a New Zealand forging our own future, or Muldoon's determination to make things better for the average kiwi, or (heaven help me), Roger Douglass's respect for politics. None of the old guard are happy with how politics is shaping up, and certainly not the right, or who eventually became the right, in Douglass's case -- this is what he had to say on the subject: āJohn Key lived by the polls and itās very dangerous. If you want to help people, you have to tell them the truth. The problem is that the politicians of today, they want to help themselves. So they poll in order to know what to say and itās disgusting.ā
I think in that one sentence, Douglass sums up everything wrong with the modern National Party. Once upon a time, National were in it to help people. They're not anymore.
If National won't change, they'll kill their market and they'll be replaced by a new party, just like the Liberal Party and Reform Party and Social Credit Party before them. National and Labour have always been around, but not always as these parties, or in these forms. The political spectrum will move to meet demand -- even when curtailed by corporate interests.
Or National will change, take control of their candidates and board, and live to fight for another century or so.
Either way, the economy will continue, and so will climate change. We will still need to develop new technologies using our available resources, and direct our technology-developing towards fixing environmental solutions. I hope New Zealand will benefit from this, and not just witness it. But if it's not National making the push, another political party will. We can see that happening right now, with the other parties suggesting their own green business ideas that National should be sweeping up votes for. There is voter and consumer demand for green businesses, and National are distracting us instead with shiny baubles because the corporations influencing them don't want you to see them.
Another thing Douglass was frustratingly right about: all our parties are doing at the moment is undoing each other's policies. It's hard to see New Zealand making any forwards progress at all if that's our direction.
submitted by exsapphi to nzpolitics [link] [comments]
How markets work is this: everything is just supply and demand. If there is a known demand for something, in a roundabout way, the market will ensure that demand is supplied. It might melt a few glaciers in the meantime, or be delayed by a war or two, but it's a force akin to that of nature, or evolution, or cause and effect. The markets will balance. Eventually.
A detour through history
The Chinese never developed eye-glasses. They didn't have the need for glass, because their drink of choice was tea, so the materials they worked with were mostly ceramics. In Europe, the cultural drink of refinement was wine. This didn't need to be kept hot, or be brewed and poured perfectly and all that stuff I'm told is important with tea. But it had requirements and qualities of its own, and one of them is that it looks pretty on display -- and that's why Europe developed and refined glass so much faster than China.Glass is an incredibly old invention. It's fragile, much more fragile than pottery, so we rarely find it in archeological digs. But it's been invented in and/or expanded to many many cultures throughout history since at least 2000 BC in Egypt, Mesopotamia, and Syria, followed by the Greeks, the Romans, the Canaan, and the Persians. Basically anyone with an empire, including the Chinese, was making glass. Unfortunately they'd only just discovered transparent glass by the late Bronze Age, when the Bronze Age collapsed due to a series of environmental, migratory and urban changes.
(A good reminder that historically, periods of mass technological advancement are followed by civilisation collapses and dark ages. Until the present, of course. But that's been true of every present.)
A lot of glass-making technology was lost, but some important things were saved and some new stuff was rediscovered, and most of this discovering happened in Europe because they had, as I mentioned, wine. And rich people wanted to show off their pretty, colourful wine, and that only worked if your glass was transparent. And Italy had access to pure silica quartz, plus soda ash via their trade with the Levant, and so some clever spark there developed the first pair of eyeglasses.
And that's how you have Mecca, Italy and Venice (the latter of whom had been producing the famous Venetian glass, but moved all their glassmakers to Italy because they'd built all their buildings out of wood) all mass producing eye-glasses with consistent standards for Europe and the Middle East by the 14th century.
This might seem like a small development, but gradual loss of sight used to be a disability. Like, it seriously disabled people from doing many things. Far-sightedness meant artisans couldn't create and scholars couldn't read -- I can't even imagine how many people died falling off a horse just because they were short-sighted. For civilisations to have access to devices that got them decades of productivity out of some of the most skilled people in their societies was massive. And that's part of how you get European dominance over Asia, because the Chinese economic powerhouses didn't care about glass as much as Europe did. It's not enough to just invent something. To develop a technology, a society needs both the resources to play with and the need to play with it. That's why we get so much advancement from war. You can thank Germany for your microwave.
How on earth is this relevant to the market or our climate crisis?
Glass will be invented, and then it will be forgotten, and then it will be invented again. But only some economies flourished from it.We have no control over anything but us. And that's terrifying. The climate change that crippled the Bronze Age wasn't even their fault and they still got thrown back to the Dark Ages.
We are going to see our own change in the market. We are going to live it. And one thing is true, whether National or ACT or BP like it or not: fossil fuels cannot continue to be relied upon as a commodity. Not long-term. It's a dying industry, slowly but surely, and it'll die whether we manage to wean ourselves off petrol or whether we use it all up first.
To a lesser extent, this is true of other non-renewables too. We are not at critical mass yet with our lithium-ion batteries, but we're now at the stage where people in the third world all seem to have cellphones. This is not a sustainable practice for a limited metal we have to mine from the earth. When something is running out, we don't have to stop using that material in the things we build; if we start to use it all up, it will soon get too expensive to build with, and that will stop us.
And that's why we have to stop using it: because if you as a country or industry pour all your energy and resources into developing technology based off that now-scarce resource, you will be left with no usable technology when that resource runs out.
What are National doing?
This is a political sub, so I won't mince words: something's gone wrong with National. Something's always been wrong with ACT, but National's change is recent. Power has been centralised in the board and the candidate selection process is no longer in the hands of the rank and file after Steven Joyce's shakeup, instead dominated by corporate interests. And they have dominated. We have a cabinet of lobbyists, and not just on National's side of the board; Luxon has pulled together the whole industry.When we attribute "intentions" to things like forces and political parties, it can be easy to forget there's not a concerted, rational mind at play behind their decisions, and their actions are influenced by all of the people and factors and forces that make them up. When I say, "National has been bought by lobbyists", I don't mean every single person in the party is a corporate shill. I just mean that there is enough corporate, business, and big-money influence in the party that they are no longer being governed primarily by their voter base or even their party members.
Nothing makes this more obvious than National's direction in politics. When your LABOUR and GREEN parties are the ones proposing to fix your climate crisis via free-market ingenuity that we can patent, sell on and capitalise off, something has gone wrong. There is money to be made in climate change, and National are off chasing oil down the bottom of a well.
If we don't wean ourselves off fossil fuels, we will find ourselves paying for it the increased price for them when we don't have the green technology to utilise at the end of supply. If we don't put our minds to green tech and science, we won't have the environment-saving and cleaning and reinforcing products and knowledge to sell on when the demand for them peaks through the ceiling -- instead we will be buying from other countries at big prices, paying to ship their experts here to tell us how to manage our estuaries or dump sites or skink habitats or whatever it is we need to fix next. New Zealand got lucky with our green energy; we were already using renewables by sheer coincidence when the climate crisis struck, and it made our transition to this new world very smooth. We will not be that lucky again.
Look at what we produce as a country. We held on far too long to our wool market out of some idea that it was "what we were supposed to be doing", and it nearly wrecked the country. Because it took us so long to change, and because we'd converted all our land into pasture, the most effective market for us to turn to became beef. Now that market is thriving, and we are willfully ignoring the real economic costs that will come with being a beef export country, and that cost is methane. There is not a future where countries will be allowed to emit methane for free. And there are no methane-light cows to switch to. Not until we develop them.
And this is what people talk about when they talk about environmental solutions still to be developed -- as if other people are going to develop them. That is incorrect. WE are the Cow Country. WE are the ones that should be foremost of the cow-fart field. If we do, we will be the ones benefitting by selling our bio-engineered cows and our science that made it happen. But if we don't, if we trail behind, we let other countries get out in front, and then our industry relies on them, and their industry outgrows us.
And these are all individual product or problem examples, but we are dragging our feet across the entire green industry. Why?
Big Oil does not care if your tech is Green
I say big oil, but there are other anti-environment and pro-corporate interests at play here. And again, there's not some big puppetmaster moving his pawn pieces, but there is influence, and companies don't want the world to go green, because when they do, they stop getting money for all the things they're getting money from right now. They don't care about the environment because they don't have the capacity to care; they are not a they. They are a force, a conglomeration, a hivemind of workers breaking their back for the company, until they clock off and become their own person again.Their only interest is keeping ahold of their incredibly profitable market, and that market needs machines that use oil, and consumers willing to buy those machines, and people who aren't thinking about switching to a non-oil version of their tractor that doesn't exist yet (because no one has found the need to invent it. Or had the right resources.)
Oil cares about oil. Mining cares about mining. Tobacco cares about tobacco. Beef cares about beef. And we get value out of these industries as a country, as a society, so when they say"This thing is bad for me", we do have to listen to that. Otherwise we won't get our beef, or our oil. But "This thing is bad for ME" isn't the same as "This thing is bad for YOU". And companies are relying on consumers to not know the difference.
Back to National
Tobacco lobbyists have bought out Parliament, and are literally drafting our tobacco laws. And they are just one interest around the table. But they have had a huge effect. Imagine what's happening to the interests of your politicians when you have your lobbyists working together. Imagine where the interests of lobbyists for mining and oil might meet. Now imagine fisheries has a guy in there too.Our oceans should be feeling very nervous right now.
It's the small influences we can't see that make these big decisions later on. The people who select our future MPs. The people who decide, hey, I'm going to try this new glass technique. But it takes an awful lot of decisions to make a glassblowing society.
A lot of what we do, we don't do consciously, like developing eye-glasses. But the benefit of our open democries, of our information-based societies, of our unprecedented understanding of economies and markets and science and climate, should mean that when we choose to do something consciously, we can do it.
When we don't, something has gone wrong.
A Green Future
To get to the sort of green economy the non-business parties are picturing, you need someone who has the time and acumen to get us there.That SHOULD be National. There is so much involved in politics; our politicians are running so much. And they're spending most of their time undoing the last guy's policies. Labour's policies sound like the Greens. National doesn't have any except "win". ACT are doing Charter Schools again. And the policies being made are being made in the interests of business people.
Our politicians don't have visions like Hollyoake of a New Zealand forging our own future, or Muldoon's determination to make things better for the average kiwi, or (heaven help me), Roger Douglass's respect for politics. None of the old guard are happy with how politics is shaping up, and certainly not the right, or who eventually became the right, in Douglass's case -- this is what he had to say on the subject: āJohn Key lived by the polls and itās very dangerous. If you want to help people, you have to tell them the truth. The problem is that the politicians of today, they want to help themselves. So they poll in order to know what to say and itās disgusting.ā
I think in that one sentence, Douglass sums up everything wrong with the modern National Party. Once upon a time, National were in it to help people. They're not anymore.
Where to now?
It's all just markets.If National won't change, they'll kill their market and they'll be replaced by a new party, just like the Liberal Party and Reform Party and Social Credit Party before them. National and Labour have always been around, but not always as these parties, or in these forms. The political spectrum will move to meet demand -- even when curtailed by corporate interests.
Or National will change, take control of their candidates and board, and live to fight for another century or so.
Either way, the economy will continue, and so will climate change. We will still need to develop new technologies using our available resources, and direct our technology-developing towards fixing environmental solutions. I hope New Zealand will benefit from this, and not just witness it. But if it's not National making the push, another political party will. We can see that happening right now, with the other parties suggesting their own green business ideas that National should be sweeping up votes for. There is voter and consumer demand for green businesses, and National are distracting us instead with shiny baubles because the corporations influencing them don't want you to see them.
Another thing Douglass was frustratingly right about: all our parties are doing at the moment is undoing each other's policies. It's hard to see New Zealand making any forwards progress at all if that's our direction.
2024.05.19 10:57 ThrowRA-IcePeachTea Divorced Because of my Personality and Struggling to Cope.
Salam everyone,
I 25f was married (technically still am as it's my Iddah) to my husband 28f. We met off of Muzz, and he asked for my hand within a few weeks. We ended up married after a month or so.
Things went downhill drastically. I have mentioned elsewhere on Reddit that, he wouldn't want to hug me, he wouldn't want to sit with me. I had to "quickly" kiss him. He wouldn't provide for me usually, I was a uni student, and my mum would help me out, and I would tutor. He didn't look after me when I was sick with the chickenpox or when I partially tore my muscle. If I chew gum for longer than a few minutes he doesn't like it because my breath smells, I can't walk normally apparently, I am too loud, etc.
His family would be mean. They'd laugh at my suggestions of baby names, tell me I'm not their blood, that I'm psychotic and jealous because my family don't sit with me, or jealous because I can't have a baby (don't think that's true...I think I can).
I have tried hard believe me. I tried to soothe him when he wanted to divorce me over another woman. I tried to be patient when his family were being awful. I tried to be patient when he didn't want me. I tried to be patient when I moved to my mum's after uni for a job and he didn't come to visit me because he doesn't want to or he's tired.
Except..in the marriage he would threaten to divorce me. Every few months. First over another woman, then, because he is overwhelmed, and now...he has actually divorced me on paper because apparently my personality is different to his. I am bubbly and outgoing and he wants to be left alone. He says our marriage is causing fitnah for everyone else and he can't cope.
I tried reconciling, I even have paid for him in the past, got him gifts, you name it. He said, he's not interested. And he can't balance me and his family. He's sorry. He blocked me off everything too, except text.
Recently...he's unblocked me. He hasn't messaged me.
The thing is I know I should move on, but here's where it gets more complex. My father SA'd me and was emotionally and physically abusive, so I no longer have contact with him, I have been raped. And I don't really have a wali except for my paternal cousins who can be toxic.
I have 19ish days left of my Iddah, but I am struggling. I feel like I am turning towards sin. I am struggling immensely, crying, doing haram.
I have previously also sinned. The abuse started when I was 5 and then became sexual at 15ish onwards till I was 20ish. I know it's no excuse, but I am diagnosed with BPD, I struggle immensely.
I want to find someone else. I'm worried of the judgement and worried that the wali thing may put them off. I don't know how to approach people, my mum has a very small circle. I feel so let down. I thought my husband would be my final stop after all this abuse...
The divorce happened over the phone and was formalized in writing. He hasn't come to see me since Jan.
When I tell people my divorce is due to my personality, they think I'm joking, until some of them see the texts.
I feel terrible. It's not getting easier. Idk what to do.
Posting here too as from an Islamic point of view people may understand more.
Jzk! Any advice would be appreciated.
submitted by ThrowRA-IcePeachTea to MuslimMarriage [link] [comments]
I 25f was married (technically still am as it's my Iddah) to my husband 28f. We met off of Muzz, and he asked for my hand within a few weeks. We ended up married after a month or so.
Things went downhill drastically. I have mentioned elsewhere on Reddit that, he wouldn't want to hug me, he wouldn't want to sit with me. I had to "quickly" kiss him. He wouldn't provide for me usually, I was a uni student, and my mum would help me out, and I would tutor. He didn't look after me when I was sick with the chickenpox or when I partially tore my muscle. If I chew gum for longer than a few minutes he doesn't like it because my breath smells, I can't walk normally apparently, I am too loud, etc.
His family would be mean. They'd laugh at my suggestions of baby names, tell me I'm not their blood, that I'm psychotic and jealous because my family don't sit with me, or jealous because I can't have a baby (don't think that's true...I think I can).
I have tried hard believe me. I tried to soothe him when he wanted to divorce me over another woman. I tried to be patient when his family were being awful. I tried to be patient when he didn't want me. I tried to be patient when I moved to my mum's after uni for a job and he didn't come to visit me because he doesn't want to or he's tired.
Except..in the marriage he would threaten to divorce me. Every few months. First over another woman, then, because he is overwhelmed, and now...he has actually divorced me on paper because apparently my personality is different to his. I am bubbly and outgoing and he wants to be left alone. He says our marriage is causing fitnah for everyone else and he can't cope.
I tried reconciling, I even have paid for him in the past, got him gifts, you name it. He said, he's not interested. And he can't balance me and his family. He's sorry. He blocked me off everything too, except text.
Recently...he's unblocked me. He hasn't messaged me.
The thing is I know I should move on, but here's where it gets more complex. My father SA'd me and was emotionally and physically abusive, so I no longer have contact with him, I have been raped. And I don't really have a wali except for my paternal cousins who can be toxic.
I have 19ish days left of my Iddah, but I am struggling. I feel like I am turning towards sin. I am struggling immensely, crying, doing haram.
I have previously also sinned. The abuse started when I was 5 and then became sexual at 15ish onwards till I was 20ish. I know it's no excuse, but I am diagnosed with BPD, I struggle immensely.
I want to find someone else. I'm worried of the judgement and worried that the wali thing may put them off. I don't know how to approach people, my mum has a very small circle. I feel so let down. I thought my husband would be my final stop after all this abuse...
The divorce happened over the phone and was formalized in writing. He hasn't come to see me since Jan.
When I tell people my divorce is due to my personality, they think I'm joking, until some of them see the texts.
I feel terrible. It's not getting easier. Idk what to do.
Posting here too as from an Islamic point of view people may understand more.
Jzk! Any advice would be appreciated.
2024.05.19 10:50 galaxy_usagi not sure if i'm in a healthy relationship
hello, everyone!
so, my story started out with me (22F) meeting a guy (29M) online and we got along really well, it was like instant chemistry; we grew close really fast.
however, after about a couples of weeks or so of texting - we finally spoke over the phone & the first thing he said was "how do you feel about polyamorous relationships?". he ended up telling me that he had a girlfriend (30F) of 9 years & that they had been looking for an addition to their relationship.
when he first told me, i completely broke down š he was such a sweet man, and ive suffered a lot of abuse in my past so i thought that i finally met the right person for me.
i loved him so much that i gave polyamory a try... even though deep down i wanted nothing to do with his girlfriend and only him, and i know that it's wrong - but i just didn't want to lose him.
but now, i'm just not sure what to do with all of my feelings. his, or i guess technically - "our" girlfriend is very sweet, but at the same time she knew that he was hiding their relationship from me too.
they're both so nice to me, and theyve even been talking about buying me a promise ring, and coming to visit them. maybe even live together in the future.
i'm just not sure what to do... there's this feeling i have that i'm being taken advantage of - but i chose this š and this actually isn't even my first try at this relationship. i'm just so afraid to hurt them and let them down again.
if they love me, why can't i just forget the past and move on? :( i guess i'm just afraid that no one else will ever love me as much as them... i don't want to be alone again.
thanks to anyone who reads this.
TLDR; I (22F) unknowingly fell in love with a man (29M) who was in a relationship for 9 years, and asked me to join it... but now i'm getting cold feet again. i don't want to hurt him.
submitted by galaxy_usagi to polyamory [link] [comments]
so, my story started out with me (22F) meeting a guy (29M) online and we got along really well, it was like instant chemistry; we grew close really fast.
however, after about a couples of weeks or so of texting - we finally spoke over the phone & the first thing he said was "how do you feel about polyamorous relationships?". he ended up telling me that he had a girlfriend (30F) of 9 years & that they had been looking for an addition to their relationship.
when he first told me, i completely broke down š he was such a sweet man, and ive suffered a lot of abuse in my past so i thought that i finally met the right person for me.
i loved him so much that i gave polyamory a try... even though deep down i wanted nothing to do with his girlfriend and only him, and i know that it's wrong - but i just didn't want to lose him.
but now, i'm just not sure what to do with all of my feelings. his, or i guess technically - "our" girlfriend is very sweet, but at the same time she knew that he was hiding their relationship from me too.
they're both so nice to me, and theyve even been talking about buying me a promise ring, and coming to visit them. maybe even live together in the future.
i'm just not sure what to do... there's this feeling i have that i'm being taken advantage of - but i chose this š and this actually isn't even my first try at this relationship. i'm just so afraid to hurt them and let them down again.
if they love me, why can't i just forget the past and move on? :( i guess i'm just afraid that no one else will ever love me as much as them... i don't want to be alone again.
thanks to anyone who reads this.
TLDR; I (22F) unknowingly fell in love with a man (29M) who was in a relationship for 9 years, and asked me to join it... but now i'm getting cold feet again. i don't want to hurt him.
2024.05.19 10:48 Individual_Cook5855 AITA for telling my estranged parents to never contact me again after they reached out to apologize?
Throwaway,
I (29m), my parents divorced when I was 7. After the divorce, I initially lived with my mom and spent weekends with my dad. When I was 9, my mom moved in with her boyfriend, and I was sent to live with my dad. At first, it was fine because my mom would regularly meet with me, but over time, those visits became less.
When I was 12, my dad introduced me to his girlfriend, who I could tell didn't like me. I didn't understand why. By then, I was only seeing my mom once every three months or so. My dad told me to get used to his girlfriend, but we never really got along. A year later, my dad told me I would be living with my grandmother (his mom) from now on because his girlfriend was pregnant and wanted a calm house. I was angry and caused a scene. His girlfriend told my dad that I was always like this around her, which was a lie, but my dad believed her and shipped me off to my grandmother.
I told my mom I wanted to live with her, but she said she and her partner traveled the world all the time and that I needed to stay put for school. So, I lived with my grandmother. My parents occasionally checked in on me, meeting me on my birthday or sending essentials until I was 16. After that, the contact became even less frequentāno birthday calls or money for essentials. My grandmother had to go back to work to support me.
I had no idea that my dad had married his girlfriend and had two other kids or that my mom had gotten married and had twins until my grandmother told me. I started to resent both of them, but my sweet grandmother kept me grounded. She provided for me, ensured I graduated, and helped me get into a good college.
When I turned 18, as a gift to her, I changed my last name to her maiden name. She wasn't happy initially but accepted it later. My parents hadn't contacted me or grandmother for over a year and a half at that point. I went to college, graduated, got a good job, got engaged, and have generally had a good life. I haven't spoken to my parents in all this time. My grandmother passed away four years ago, I tried to text and call the only phone number I had of dad but it didn't go through and I was the only family member at her funeral.
Recently, I got an email from my dad and mom asking to meet and reconnect. I don't know how they got my personal email. My dad says he wants to apologize and attend my wedding, and his kids want to meet their big brother. He also mentioned that my mom wants to meet me and apologize as well. He even had the audacity to write that he was disappointed in me changing my last name but "understood it." He didn't even ask about his own mother. I've already moved on without them, hit multiple milestones in my life and career without their support, so I sent a reply stating I don't know him or my mom, added a few other harsh words, and told them never to contact me again.
I told my fiancƩe, who comes from a big family and is very family-oriented, and she was upset, saying I was too harsh. She believes I should give them a chance since it's been so long. We had huge argument about this. She kept saying how family is important and I should forgive and forget. Now, I have a feeling she might be involved with them and she might be the one who gave them my email. I talked to my close friends and all of them say I am justified on my stance but my fiancƩe's outburst is making me think about it.
submitted by Individual_Cook5855 to AITAH [link] [comments]
I (29m), my parents divorced when I was 7. After the divorce, I initially lived with my mom and spent weekends with my dad. When I was 9, my mom moved in with her boyfriend, and I was sent to live with my dad. At first, it was fine because my mom would regularly meet with me, but over time, those visits became less.
When I was 12, my dad introduced me to his girlfriend, who I could tell didn't like me. I didn't understand why. By then, I was only seeing my mom once every three months or so. My dad told me to get used to his girlfriend, but we never really got along. A year later, my dad told me I would be living with my grandmother (his mom) from now on because his girlfriend was pregnant and wanted a calm house. I was angry and caused a scene. His girlfriend told my dad that I was always like this around her, which was a lie, but my dad believed her and shipped me off to my grandmother.
I told my mom I wanted to live with her, but she said she and her partner traveled the world all the time and that I needed to stay put for school. So, I lived with my grandmother. My parents occasionally checked in on me, meeting me on my birthday or sending essentials until I was 16. After that, the contact became even less frequentāno birthday calls or money for essentials. My grandmother had to go back to work to support me.
I had no idea that my dad had married his girlfriend and had two other kids or that my mom had gotten married and had twins until my grandmother told me. I started to resent both of them, but my sweet grandmother kept me grounded. She provided for me, ensured I graduated, and helped me get into a good college.
When I turned 18, as a gift to her, I changed my last name to her maiden name. She wasn't happy initially but accepted it later. My parents hadn't contacted me or grandmother for over a year and a half at that point. I went to college, graduated, got a good job, got engaged, and have generally had a good life. I haven't spoken to my parents in all this time. My grandmother passed away four years ago, I tried to text and call the only phone number I had of dad but it didn't go through and I was the only family member at her funeral.
Recently, I got an email from my dad and mom asking to meet and reconnect. I don't know how they got my personal email. My dad says he wants to apologize and attend my wedding, and his kids want to meet their big brother. He also mentioned that my mom wants to meet me and apologize as well. He even had the audacity to write that he was disappointed in me changing my last name but "understood it." He didn't even ask about his own mother. I've already moved on without them, hit multiple milestones in my life and career without their support, so I sent a reply stating I don't know him or my mom, added a few other harsh words, and told them never to contact me again.
I told my fiancƩe, who comes from a big family and is very family-oriented, and she was upset, saying I was too harsh. She believes I should give them a chance since it's been so long. We had huge argument about this. She kept saying how family is important and I should forgive and forget. Now, I have a feeling she might be involved with them and she might be the one who gave them my email. I talked to my close friends and all of them say I am justified on my stance but my fiancƩe's outburst is making me think about it.
2024.05.19 10:40 LordVillageHoe How do I tell my family that I am autistic ?
Hey everyone, hope youāre all doing well. I (23M) recently got diagnosed with autism. Iām originally from Kochi, Kerala, and currently working in Chennai. This diagnosis came just a few weeks ago. After college in Chennai, I got a job offer from a company here, and since then, I started noticing certain things about myself. My team lead had a talk with me, suggesting I look into my well-being, and eventually, I found out Iām autistic.
I shared this with my dad, who lives in Kochi, and we realized he might also be on the spectrum. Weāre planning a joint consultation when I visit home. Initially, my dad thought I was exaggerating, but after doing some research, both he and my mom agreed with me. So far, Iāve only discussed this with four of my friends because of the misconceptions about autism in India.
I havenāt figured out how to open up to the rest of my family about this. For a long time, Iāve been annoyed by certain things they do but kept it to myself to avoid causing a scene. They generally think Iām laid-back and mostly chill, though socially awkward. If someone disturbs me, I might react strongly, which has led to a few incidents. I come across as rude sometimes without meaning to, but they attribute it to social awkwardness. I also avoid texting, preferring long conversations over the phone or in person, which they just see as part of my character. And also generally VERY clumsily. But mostly positive and think good of me,
But I wanted to let them know that I am autistic, just so that in the future I can avoid any misunderstanding and fights. But after a recent event I am shit scared. So My oldest cousin got married to this guy back in 2018. But later turned out he had BPD and the shit that they talked and done to him is just appalling. The only person who were supporting him was my parents and a few cousins (There is no SA for DA, its just that my sister found him odd and after he was diagionised she just left him cold, like they have 2 kids with him, but still she just left him like she never knew him cause of u know misconption), My parent where like at least lets support him for his treatment but they were like NOPE. And the shitest thing is they got divorced by telling the court he was abscounding and did some shady stuff so they can be legally divorced but doesn't have to inform him because they got scared on how he would react. FFS they even denied to have the kids visit him. I ain't no legal expert but long story short they got divorced and the poor guy thinks she would come back to him with the kids after he gets his MH in order.
So after this incident I am shit on how to proceed, cause I feel something similar can happen to me. My parents also warned not to tell anyone about this. I have a cousin who is the US, she is my first cousin and the same age is me. We are pretty close so i was wondering starting from there, and she is from my mom's side of the family (the same one where the divorced story happened) and for my dad's side I have a cousin who lives in Bangalore, he is like very old, like his son is 4 years younger than me. But a very chill dude, I can rely on him. But I have no clue on how to proceed with this so if anyone who has a similar experience or any idea on how to do it, do let me know cause i have no clue on how to tell another person that I am autsitc.
Also thank you to everyone who took their time to read this very long post, sorry for that.
submitted by LordVillageHoe to india [link] [comments]
I shared this with my dad, who lives in Kochi, and we realized he might also be on the spectrum. Weāre planning a joint consultation when I visit home. Initially, my dad thought I was exaggerating, but after doing some research, both he and my mom agreed with me. So far, Iāve only discussed this with four of my friends because of the misconceptions about autism in India.
I havenāt figured out how to open up to the rest of my family about this. For a long time, Iāve been annoyed by certain things they do but kept it to myself to avoid causing a scene. They generally think Iām laid-back and mostly chill, though socially awkward. If someone disturbs me, I might react strongly, which has led to a few incidents. I come across as rude sometimes without meaning to, but they attribute it to social awkwardness. I also avoid texting, preferring long conversations over the phone or in person, which they just see as part of my character. And also generally VERY clumsily. But mostly positive and think good of me,
But I wanted to let them know that I am autistic, just so that in the future I can avoid any misunderstanding and fights. But after a recent event I am shit scared. So My oldest cousin got married to this guy back in 2018. But later turned out he had BPD and the shit that they talked and done to him is just appalling. The only person who were supporting him was my parents and a few cousins (There is no SA for DA, its just that my sister found him odd and after he was diagionised she just left him cold, like they have 2 kids with him, but still she just left him like she never knew him cause of u know misconption), My parent where like at least lets support him for his treatment but they were like NOPE. And the shitest thing is they got divorced by telling the court he was abscounding and did some shady stuff so they can be legally divorced but doesn't have to inform him because they got scared on how he would react. FFS they even denied to have the kids visit him. I ain't no legal expert but long story short they got divorced and the poor guy thinks she would come back to him with the kids after he gets his MH in order.
So after this incident I am shit on how to proceed, cause I feel something similar can happen to me. My parents also warned not to tell anyone about this. I have a cousin who is the US, she is my first cousin and the same age is me. We are pretty close so i was wondering starting from there, and she is from my mom's side of the family (the same one where the divorced story happened) and for my dad's side I have a cousin who lives in Bangalore, he is like very old, like his son is 4 years younger than me. But a very chill dude, I can rely on him. But I have no clue on how to proceed with this so if anyone who has a similar experience or any idea on how to do it, do let me know cause i have no clue on how to tell another person that I am autsitc.
Also thank you to everyone who took their time to read this very long post, sorry for that.
2024.05.19 10:30 DavidatScaleFit Marketing 101: No One Cares If You Look Like Everyone Else
Hey all,
Hope you're doing well!
I'll be quick. I keep seeing the same mistakes over and over and over again and it's driving me mad.
If I see one more "Five Guys" "Online Transformation Coach" for "Busy professionals", I'm gonna bloody lose it.
I think what started out as a good idea, perhaps inspired by Alex Hormozi's GymLaunch, has now turned to a Madras of sameness and mediocrity.
If everyone is a transformation coach specialising in Busy Mom's/Dad's, frankly no one is. Your message is lost, your engagement will suck - whether it's paid ads, DMs or organic content. And I'm sure you've noticed this and think the above channels for acquisition don't work.
Boulder Dust!
Let's go back to Marketing 101. And actually identify and research a genuine niche. By the way, one thing most people don't realise when they clone GymLaunch marketing is that their niche was also 3 miles from the physical gym location. Not very helpful online!
The best way to shortcut a proper niche relevant for online marketing is to use a method called "Dream 100". It's actually not new, but nothing's golden but oldies.
The idea is to specify and research your Dream 100 clients. NOT CUSTOMER PROFILE. But your exact Dream100 clients in your niche.
Let's think of targeting High Performing Realestate Agents (there's lots of them and they earn good money). Whom are the dream 100 real-estate agents we'd like to sign up?
Identify them and research them. Great - Grant Cardone.... Who else? Make a list of 100.
What do they talk about? How do they talk? What do they care about? What problems do they have? How can we help? Where are they found (platforms etc)? What's similar?
With our dream 100 researched and identified, now you can create a genuinely compelling and unique marketing campaign that goes a bit deeper than "Busy 5 Guys."
Now we can promote our service in the right messaging, speaking about specific problems (on the road much Mr. Realestate Tycoon?), and in specific online locations.
Now we can create an ad that is engaging and relevant.
Now we can target Grant Cardone's followers with our ad.
Now we'll actually have a chance at gathering engaged leads that are more interested in buying from you than the next guy.
Food for thought. I hope this helps!
David from ScaleFit.
submitted by DavidatScaleFit to personaltraining [link] [comments]
Hope you're doing well!
I'll be quick. I keep seeing the same mistakes over and over and over again and it's driving me mad.
If I see one more "Five Guys" "Online Transformation Coach" for "Busy professionals", I'm gonna bloody lose it.
I think what started out as a good idea, perhaps inspired by Alex Hormozi's GymLaunch, has now turned to a Madras of sameness and mediocrity.
If everyone is a transformation coach specialising in Busy Mom's/Dad's, frankly no one is. Your message is lost, your engagement will suck - whether it's paid ads, DMs or organic content. And I'm sure you've noticed this and think the above channels for acquisition don't work.
Boulder Dust!
Let's go back to Marketing 101. And actually identify and research a genuine niche. By the way, one thing most people don't realise when they clone GymLaunch marketing is that their niche was also 3 miles from the physical gym location. Not very helpful online!
The best way to shortcut a proper niche relevant for online marketing is to use a method called "Dream 100". It's actually not new, but nothing's golden but oldies.
The idea is to specify and research your Dream 100 clients. NOT CUSTOMER PROFILE. But your exact Dream100 clients in your niche.
Let's think of targeting High Performing Realestate Agents (there's lots of them and they earn good money). Whom are the dream 100 real-estate agents we'd like to sign up?
Identify them and research them. Great - Grant Cardone.... Who else? Make a list of 100.
What do they talk about? How do they talk? What do they care about? What problems do they have? How can we help? Where are they found (platforms etc)? What's similar?
With our dream 100 researched and identified, now you can create a genuinely compelling and unique marketing campaign that goes a bit deeper than "Busy 5 Guys."
Now we can promote our service in the right messaging, speaking about specific problems (on the road much Mr. Realestate Tycoon?), and in specific online locations.
Now we can create an ad that is engaging and relevant.
Now we can target Grant Cardone's followers with our ad.
Now we'll actually have a chance at gathering engaged leads that are more interested in buying from you than the next guy.
Food for thought. I hope this helps!
David from ScaleFit.
2024.05.19 10:18 Specific-Volume5652 My experience with a PTSD spouse
I (M42) and my spouse (F40)
I just had the shock of my life, and possibly the most dramatic upheaval imaginable. I'm scared, concerned and i wonder if anyone else has a similar experience. This is concerning my soon to be ex-wife. Not an easy read or even to type, but strap yourselves in. We were married for 13 years, had known each other for 23. She was a child that grew up in a war in her home country, and was effected by it more than she let on. During the last 4 years of our relationship, she started developing incredible anxiety and depression. She would become like an exposed nerve, and every perceived slight became something she would ruminate on for days at a time. We had some events in our marriage that were incredibly stressful. Our son was born prematurely, our daughter when she was born was also traumatic. She was always highly strung when i knew her. i was very much the calming influence to her and it was a role that developed in our dynamic. i would be her rock and safe place. Things started to change, and dramatically so. I travel with work and she would look after the kids. i would be home large parts of the year, but i would have to go away sometimes for 4 weeks at a time. When covid hit, we were both home for a better part of 18 months, and i started to notice things that concerned me. She began to become incredibly paranoid about neighbours. She was certain they were spyi ng on us somehow (even though they were 80, and not at all interested in us). This spiraled from the neighbours commenting on the length of our grass. It effected her, and she became fixated. Any new neighbours she instantly distrusted, and she believed they all spoke badly of her.none of it was true, but in her state of hypervigilance, she was misinterpreting signs. A strange look, or half glance was enough to make her feel unsafe and scared. This slowly devolved into her being fearful of being spied on in the shower, people who walked dogs the same time each morning past our house were doing it to spy on us, etc. I could see it was draining her, and making her very ill with stress so we discussed maybe going to therapy, which she did. During the years we were together, she had been on various anti-depressants to cope with depression. I always chalked it down to post natal depression and the stress being a mother brought to her, especially when i went away. She attended therapy, but would stop when it became uncomfortable. She then opened up to me one day regarding it. It turns out that she was molested as a child by a family friend, and had buried it. that coupled with seeing her childhood friend die from an explosion (which i knew about) had effected her more than we knew. The therapy seemed to make it worse, and since that point things took a massive nose dive. She was an incredibly bubbly, happy and cheerful person to everyone. or so i thought. She would sometimes drop the mask at home, and i could see the turmoil developing. I hate to admit it, but i was blind to it for many years. she had masked it from the very beginning. Her paranoia got worse and worse. she came off of her antidepressants and started using weed vape pens to be able to cope with the incredible anxiety. I watched her drift apart from me over the last two years, her kindness towards me vanishing and almost a resentment towards me. She would complain about the new house we had bought and that she hated it because of the neighbours. We discussed moving, but she realised in her more lucid times that the issue would follow her whereever she went. The last year together she would speak about moving to another country. I said i would, but after my parents, who are old, passed. i didn't want them to not see our children in their final years. We had grown apart, she had this strange push-pull dynamic with me. One day she'd love me and be this caring person, the next cold and distant. I tried incredibly hard to pull us back together whilst dealing with her delusions of paranoia that were still ongoing, but the more i tried (and at some points i was quite combative and forceful) to get her to communicate, the more she pulled away. There was hardly any intimacy, which i yearned for and would comment on. She would initiate it sometimes, but for me, i'm ashamed to say, i complained about it a lot. She would have sex with me on occasion, and then if we argued later say "i didn't really want sex, it was like rape". This hurt me to my core, and made me bitter about how we were. The arguments became worse and worse. She started resenting me for trapping her. That was her reality. i had trapped her in the relationship. It wasn't true, but she was upset i travelled with work and could escape when she couldn't. It was never escape for me, i travelled because i had to. Her and the kids were all i wanted to be with. Travel to me was a chore.
Slowly she withdrew more. The more i tried to help and talk, the more she withdrew. All the time she was still paranoid, and now believed the neighbours were spying on her with cameras in the garden. the "cameras" were garden lights.
After three years of constant paranoia and her anxiety, it was starting to effect me. We couldn't go out in the area as she hated the neighbours. Yet to their faces she was bubbly and happy, smiley and almost overly kind. Yet when we were alone, the mask would slip and all her thoughts about them would spill out. Our social life started to be affected,
Anything i said was misunderstood or taken in such a way that i was insulting her. If i said she was silly for thinking in a certain way, i was calling her stupid. Anytime i tried to logic something out with her regarding the neighbours (for example she believed they were watching her shower) it was dismissed. I actually showered and told her to ask if she could see me from the garden. She was confused when she saw she couldn't.
The delusions became worse, and she became more and more paranoid. The textured glass in the bathroom was the wrong way around in her eyes, so people could see in. The motion activated light at the bottom of the garden was a camera, for sure. things like this.She withdrew more and more. I had to go away on a work trip, and the day before i left she asked for a divorce. I was hurt, but said "we can talk about it when i get home" when i arrived at the destination i was working across the world, i messaged her. No response. I tried multiple times until eventually i got a text "The kids will be taken away from me, and i will be sent back to my home country" I rang my father who lived very close to us to find out what was happening.
She had asked him to take her to the police station. She said to report the neighbours for spying, which she did try to do. they obviously didn't listen. She was taken to hospital by my father as she was having a mental breakdown and behaving strangely. I told my boss i had to fly home as something was happening. he booked me the earliest flight and i flew back. I was arrested from the plane. She had accused me of Rape, Control and coercion and ABH. Things i would never do. I was arrested, questioned and told not to go back to my home or to contact her. In one day i lost everything. I was in shock and was an emotional wreck. Worst of all i was concerned and scared for my wife and kids. She blamed me for her emotional state. said i had caused everything and had abused her constantly for years. After a week of staying at my friends house, social services got involved as the kids were missing school. It turns out she was taking the kids to hotels because she was terrified of staying at home. The kids told me later that "mummy thinks men are after her" instead of telling any authorities this, she said it was because she was scared of me. Social services believed everything she said. I was under investigation for the allegations, although not charged. The investigations were ongoing for three months, and in that time i wasn't allowed to contact her at all. Unfortunately in my fear i contacted her repeatedly. She had me arrested for harassment, and i was charged and convicted. I wasn't ever abusive in the texts, but i did contact her a lot.
I secured access to my children through a rushed family court order. I also placed a block on her leaving the country without seeking my permission with the children, as she had taken my passport details to apply for the kids passports without my knowledge. I did this due to her erratic behaviour and i knew she wasn't stable. My father thought i'd over-reacted, but my ex was so good at masking she hid how she really felt even to him. Oscar level masking.
Looking back i realise how bad it was. She ran from her home country at 18 and always ran. she always wanted to move jobs if something went wrong. She would cut off long term friends in an instant if she felt any pressure form them. Her first instinct would always be to flee anything. Any littlle insignificant thing or slight would become something she'd chew over for weeks, often applying the worst case scenario that would then become her reality. The truth was she was constantly afraid. I think at the end i became something she was afraid of too. My determination to keep us together and keep her from falling apart became too much for her. I wasn't always kind and was exasperated a lot. I was too demanding on someone that was exhausted, anxious and clearly unwell. Unfortunately i didn't realise this until too late. I still see the children, but have zero contact with her. She filed a restraining order due to the harassment conviction which i will adhere to. I'm currently going through family court again to secure further rights. She applied for full custody and has said some very terrible untruthful things at court to almost destroy me and remove me from her life. I'm a broken man because of it all, but staying strong for the kids.
I hope there will be some sort of resolution in the future, but i realise that she's scared of me now as she is scared of everything. She told me near the end that she trusts nobody. This broke my heart. The court on the last visit realised that something wasn't right. they have ordered a investigation into our family, and it will hopefully be reported in June when we go back to court. Her medical documents have been re-visited and statements taken. My father witnessed some very strange behaviour and has reported it. We just have to see what happens. She has requested to sell the property we lived in, and i'm slowly watching the life we built implode. She also has asked for the order that stipulates the need for permission to leave the country lifted. June will be the crunch time.
submitted by Specific-Volume5652 to CPTSD [link] [comments]
I just had the shock of my life, and possibly the most dramatic upheaval imaginable. I'm scared, concerned and i wonder if anyone else has a similar experience. This is concerning my soon to be ex-wife. Not an easy read or even to type, but strap yourselves in. We were married for 13 years, had known each other for 23. She was a child that grew up in a war in her home country, and was effected by it more than she let on. During the last 4 years of our relationship, she started developing incredible anxiety and depression. She would become like an exposed nerve, and every perceived slight became something she would ruminate on for days at a time. We had some events in our marriage that were incredibly stressful. Our son was born prematurely, our daughter when she was born was also traumatic. She was always highly strung when i knew her. i was very much the calming influence to her and it was a role that developed in our dynamic. i would be her rock and safe place. Things started to change, and dramatically so. I travel with work and she would look after the kids. i would be home large parts of the year, but i would have to go away sometimes for 4 weeks at a time. When covid hit, we were both home for a better part of 18 months, and i started to notice things that concerned me. She began to become incredibly paranoid about neighbours. She was certain they were spyi ng on us somehow (even though they were 80, and not at all interested in us). This spiraled from the neighbours commenting on the length of our grass. It effected her, and she became fixated. Any new neighbours she instantly distrusted, and she believed they all spoke badly of her.none of it was true, but in her state of hypervigilance, she was misinterpreting signs. A strange look, or half glance was enough to make her feel unsafe and scared. This slowly devolved into her being fearful of being spied on in the shower, people who walked dogs the same time each morning past our house were doing it to spy on us, etc. I could see it was draining her, and making her very ill with stress so we discussed maybe going to therapy, which she did. During the years we were together, she had been on various anti-depressants to cope with depression. I always chalked it down to post natal depression and the stress being a mother brought to her, especially when i went away. She attended therapy, but would stop when it became uncomfortable. She then opened up to me one day regarding it. It turns out that she was molested as a child by a family friend, and had buried it. that coupled with seeing her childhood friend die from an explosion (which i knew about) had effected her more than we knew. The therapy seemed to make it worse, and since that point things took a massive nose dive. She was an incredibly bubbly, happy and cheerful person to everyone. or so i thought. She would sometimes drop the mask at home, and i could see the turmoil developing. I hate to admit it, but i was blind to it for many years. she had masked it from the very beginning. Her paranoia got worse and worse. she came off of her antidepressants and started using weed vape pens to be able to cope with the incredible anxiety. I watched her drift apart from me over the last two years, her kindness towards me vanishing and almost a resentment towards me. She would complain about the new house we had bought and that she hated it because of the neighbours. We discussed moving, but she realised in her more lucid times that the issue would follow her whereever she went. The last year together she would speak about moving to another country. I said i would, but after my parents, who are old, passed. i didn't want them to not see our children in their final years. We had grown apart, she had this strange push-pull dynamic with me. One day she'd love me and be this caring person, the next cold and distant. I tried incredibly hard to pull us back together whilst dealing with her delusions of paranoia that were still ongoing, but the more i tried (and at some points i was quite combative and forceful) to get her to communicate, the more she pulled away. There was hardly any intimacy, which i yearned for and would comment on. She would initiate it sometimes, but for me, i'm ashamed to say, i complained about it a lot. She would have sex with me on occasion, and then if we argued later say "i didn't really want sex, it was like rape". This hurt me to my core, and made me bitter about how we were. The arguments became worse and worse. She started resenting me for trapping her. That was her reality. i had trapped her in the relationship. It wasn't true, but she was upset i travelled with work and could escape when she couldn't. It was never escape for me, i travelled because i had to. Her and the kids were all i wanted to be with. Travel to me was a chore.
Slowly she withdrew more. The more i tried to help and talk, the more she withdrew. All the time she was still paranoid, and now believed the neighbours were spying on her with cameras in the garden. the "cameras" were garden lights.
After three years of constant paranoia and her anxiety, it was starting to effect me. We couldn't go out in the area as she hated the neighbours. Yet to their faces she was bubbly and happy, smiley and almost overly kind. Yet when we were alone, the mask would slip and all her thoughts about them would spill out. Our social life started to be affected,
Anything i said was misunderstood or taken in such a way that i was insulting her. If i said she was silly for thinking in a certain way, i was calling her stupid. Anytime i tried to logic something out with her regarding the neighbours (for example she believed they were watching her shower) it was dismissed. I actually showered and told her to ask if she could see me from the garden. She was confused when she saw she couldn't.
The delusions became worse, and she became more and more paranoid. The textured glass in the bathroom was the wrong way around in her eyes, so people could see in. The motion activated light at the bottom of the garden was a camera, for sure. things like this.She withdrew more and more. I had to go away on a work trip, and the day before i left she asked for a divorce. I was hurt, but said "we can talk about it when i get home" when i arrived at the destination i was working across the world, i messaged her. No response. I tried multiple times until eventually i got a text "The kids will be taken away from me, and i will be sent back to my home country" I rang my father who lived very close to us to find out what was happening.
She had asked him to take her to the police station. She said to report the neighbours for spying, which she did try to do. they obviously didn't listen. She was taken to hospital by my father as she was having a mental breakdown and behaving strangely. I told my boss i had to fly home as something was happening. he booked me the earliest flight and i flew back. I was arrested from the plane. She had accused me of Rape, Control and coercion and ABH. Things i would never do. I was arrested, questioned and told not to go back to my home or to contact her. In one day i lost everything. I was in shock and was an emotional wreck. Worst of all i was concerned and scared for my wife and kids. She blamed me for her emotional state. said i had caused everything and had abused her constantly for years. After a week of staying at my friends house, social services got involved as the kids were missing school. It turns out she was taking the kids to hotels because she was terrified of staying at home. The kids told me later that "mummy thinks men are after her" instead of telling any authorities this, she said it was because she was scared of me. Social services believed everything she said. I was under investigation for the allegations, although not charged. The investigations were ongoing for three months, and in that time i wasn't allowed to contact her at all. Unfortunately in my fear i contacted her repeatedly. She had me arrested for harassment, and i was charged and convicted. I wasn't ever abusive in the texts, but i did contact her a lot.
I secured access to my children through a rushed family court order. I also placed a block on her leaving the country without seeking my permission with the children, as she had taken my passport details to apply for the kids passports without my knowledge. I did this due to her erratic behaviour and i knew she wasn't stable. My father thought i'd over-reacted, but my ex was so good at masking she hid how she really felt even to him. Oscar level masking.
Looking back i realise how bad it was. She ran from her home country at 18 and always ran. she always wanted to move jobs if something went wrong. She would cut off long term friends in an instant if she felt any pressure form them. Her first instinct would always be to flee anything. Any littlle insignificant thing or slight would become something she'd chew over for weeks, often applying the worst case scenario that would then become her reality. The truth was she was constantly afraid. I think at the end i became something she was afraid of too. My determination to keep us together and keep her from falling apart became too much for her. I wasn't always kind and was exasperated a lot. I was too demanding on someone that was exhausted, anxious and clearly unwell. Unfortunately i didn't realise this until too late. I still see the children, but have zero contact with her. She filed a restraining order due to the harassment conviction which i will adhere to. I'm currently going through family court again to secure further rights. She applied for full custody and has said some very terrible untruthful things at court to almost destroy me and remove me from her life. I'm a broken man because of it all, but staying strong for the kids.
I hope there will be some sort of resolution in the future, but i realise that she's scared of me now as she is scared of everything. She told me near the end that she trusts nobody. This broke my heart. The court on the last visit realised that something wasn't right. they have ordered a investigation into our family, and it will hopefully be reported in June when we go back to court. Her medical documents have been re-visited and statements taken. My father witnessed some very strange behaviour and has reported it. We just have to see what happens. She has requested to sell the property we lived in, and i'm slowly watching the life we built implode. She also has asked for the order that stipulates the need for permission to leave the country lifted. June will be the crunch time.
2024.05.19 10:11 AlwaysUnrequitedlove Im taken but inlove with another guy
Iām a 15yr female Freshmen and have a crush on a guy even though I have a boyfriend. I know it sounds wrong, because it is, but Iāll explain further. Over this past year I have started developing feelings for a guy in my 6th period World cultures class. Iām just gonna use his initial, F. F is 15 turning 16 this summer and is the class clown. Heās so cute and in the beginning of the school year we would make eye contact a lot. He has messy blonde hair, which heās always fixing in class, and two pretty blue eyes I love to get lost in. Heās so funny and though I was going to switch from World cultures in my 2nd quarter I chose not to just because of F being in there. In December I got his snap from my friend A and started trying to befriend him. I admired him a lot cause I was supper shy and seeing him just be himself was fun and wanted me to try and loosen up more. I swear he would walk into class and the room would brighten up. Whenever he gets embarrassed he hides his face in his hoodie and keeps that stupid ADORABLE smile on his face! In February I Gifted him a valentine to show my appreciation for him being such a nice guy and he was sweet about it. But then apparently this girl named Kate who he was talking(?) to at the time found out. And she hated me after. I didnāt know of this yet but her friends would sit by my locker eat day and when I went to go get my stuff from it they would make fun of me. I felt so upset cause I really have a hard time with my insecurities and Since Iām sensitive and would cry often because of it. I eventually just decided to just carry around the extra pound of stuff in my bag every day so I wouldnāt pass them. Then out of the blue F had blocked me. I felt so hurt and upset because he was the first friend I ever made by myself and I really valued him as a person in my life. I spent the week in tears and it didnāt make it better that he would then stare at me in class, almost like he was waiting to see how I would react to it. A week later I contact him on titkok and tell him that I was sorry if I made him uncomfortable and that I could switch classes if nessasary(due to my 504 i wouldāve been granted permission to do so) He replied that I did nothing wrong and it was just he started talking to someone and they had him block me. I wished him luck on a concert he had coming up and then left him completely alone for days because I just couldnāt face him. I didnāt know what I had done to his girl but I felt so guilty I would get sick, I have a pretty weak stomach, I would throw up in the bathroom and cry a lot throughout the weeks. What made it worse is that my friend Z had at the time recently passed away, and since F was one of my favourite ppl to talk to that I trusted I was even more upset that I couldnāt talk to him. Then two weeks later as Iām finally trying to get over it Mr F unblocks me, throughout that whole week his friends had been snapping me stuff about how Felix was upset and wanted to unblock me but was afraid to(which I donāt understand itās not like I bite). When he did it was a Thursday and he had a school concert I watched. He was on electric guitar. It was fireflyās by owl city, aka one of my fav songs. I loved watching him play, I was happy as a puppyš but then when I went to the bathroom to check my hair, my ex friend Madi came in. She asked if I liked him and I just got flustered. She then said he had said he liked her so it didnāt matter and she might say yes to him. I was confused because I had JUST been blocked because of his last talking stage! So how would he have also recently confessed to Madi? I go in 6th period and walk right up to him, I was a bit nervous cause I had to look up higher to meet his gaze. I asked if he had recently told Madi he had a crush on her in the past 2-3 weeks and he looks me in the eye and says no. I said āalr thanksā and went back to talk to my friend. Either him or mad was lying, and I assumed madi but then oohhhhh then after school he admitted to confessing to her. It's 3:00am(quiet literally) and I'm at 10 percent, this is part one but I'll complete the rest tomorrow
submitted by AlwaysUnrequitedlove to Crushes [link] [comments]