Hi everybody. I'm sorry for this post, it just got covered and I need to talk it out. This post is essentially a long whining of a young idiot.. If you'll excuse me, I'll start from the beginning.
I am about to turn 21 and for the last two years I have been tormented by the question of faith. I'll come from afar.. I am from Eastern Europe and as a child they tried to instill Orthodoxy in me.. But at the age of 13, I was led away towards rigid atheism. As a result, the question of faith ceased to play any role in my life, but it returned.
I don't know how to explain my condition. I'm scared.. It's scary because it's likely that none of what I'm trying to believe exists. Life after death, creator, the paranormal.. Thanks to registering on reddit and being in groups like afterlife, paranormal and so on, I managed to calm my anxiety. But now that faith has become shaky.. In fact, I am thrown from side to side: I can read something in this topic and faith returns, and then plunge into the comments of materialists and atheists and faith dies.
In fact, faith feeds me.. She supports the desire to live. Without her, there is no meaning in life. It's so terrible to realize that when everyone leaves, everything will go away.. That the day will come when I will no longer hear my father's jokes, the barking of the dog, see my mother's smile and will not be able to watch my younger brother and younger sisters having fun. All this will go away.. Only faith gives hope that something will happen next.
Faith helps me not to fall apart completely. In my 20s, I live with my parents, I can't do anything, I sit at home for days and only faith gives me hope that I need to move on, I need to try to overcome my laziness, fight.. But sometimes, looking at how the number of atheists is growing, how the world's religions are dying, it feels like I'm just a miserable idiot who tries to believe in fairy tales because of my own wretchedness and because of the realization that I missed my youth..
Sometimes it feels like all these attempts to find evidence of faith are just attempts to escape from reality.. A reality in which I will never realize what I wanted.. I won't read books because of laziness, I won't be able to get into a relationship with a goth girl (I keep trying to join this subculture, but it turns out poorly), I won't be able to find friends after university, I won't be able to stop looking ridiculous.. And there will be only work ahead, work, work, work, work, gradual extinction and watching the death of relatives. Phrases like "Life will fly by" "The time of fun has passed and this time is youth" are also annoying.
I'm sorry, this all sounds like the whining of a 13-year-old whiner.. God, I even mentioned the girl... But.. I really don't know what to do.. Faith dies and with it the desire to live fades away. And the feeling that I missed everything.. While my peers are having fun, playing in groups, being realized, I have a feeling that everything is lost

Do you have those days are arn't a bad day, not a good day. Just a day. They are a lot to handle, a lot to process. Do you have those, maybe they are non-stop? I'm looking to meet some new people to talk too on those days where you just sorta need a strangers perspective to process what you've experienced? I think it would also be a fun way to meet new people from across the world, run into different viewpoints on life, and just have someone to lean on. Another way to put it is do you ever feel like you just sorta need a space to escape into. Like you are tired from your day, overwhelmed, stressed, really any emotion and you just want to run to your own littler corner of the world, but also don't want to be alone there. That is both sort of what I am offering and looking for at the same time!
A bit about me. I'm just a middle aged guy open to talking to anyone really! Younger, older, married, single, from the US like me or from across the world, it doesn't matter. We are all sharing this big earth. I have a full time job in a STEM field, I am a bit of a nerd, and I'm so not ready for summer. It gets to hot! I'm going through a lot of life change, whether that be my job, my social life, or my beliefs. I'd be willing to chat about all of that with you. I am also bold and open to a fault. I will warn you now about that!
In all honesty I'm trying to capture the thrill of getting to know someone new. I have had reddit penpals before, in fact I found some of my first interactions from reddit under a different account from more than a decade ago. I want to see how things have changed here on reddit and out in the world in 10 years. There is some nostalgia going on, but also just a quest for new partners-in-crime or new people to lean on in the tough moments, new people to vent to and celebrate with.

Do you have those days are arn't a bad day, not a good day. Just a day. They are a lot to handle, a lot to process. Do you have those, maybe they are non-stop? I'm looking to meet some new people to talk too on those days where you just sorta need a strangers perspective to process what you've experienced? I think it would also be a fun way to meet new people from across the world, run into different viewpoints on life, and just have someone to lean on. Another way to put it is do you ever feel like you just sorta need a space to escape into. Like you are tired from your day, overwhelmed, stressed, really any emotion and you just want to run to your own littler corner of the world, but also don't want to be alone there. That is both sort of what I am offering and looking for at the same time!
A bit about me. I'm just a middle aged guy open to talking to anyone really! Younger, older, married, single, from the US like me or from across the world, it doesn't matter. We are all sharing this big earth. I have a full time job in a STEM field, I am a bit of a nerd, and I'm so not ready for summer. It gets to hot! I'm going through a lot of life change, whether that be my job, my social life, or my beliefs. I'd be willing to chat about all of that with you. I am also bold and open to a fault. I will warn you now about that!
In all honesty I'm trying to capture the thrill of getting to know someone new. I have had reddit penpals before, in fact I found some of my first interactions from reddit under a different account from more than a decade ago. I want to see how things have changed here on reddit and out in the world in 10 years. There is some nostalgia going on, but also just a quest for new partners-in-crime or new people to lean on in the tough moments, new people to vent to and celebrate with.

Do you have those days are arn't a bad day, not a good day. Just a day. They are a lot to handle, a lot to process. Do you have those, maybe they are non-stop? I'm looking to meet some new people to talk too on those days where you just sorta need a strangers perspective to process what you've experienced? I think it would also be a fun way to meet new people from across the world, run into different viewpoints on life, and just have someone to lean on. Another way to put it is do you ever feel like you just sorta need a space to escape into. Like you are tired from your day, overwhelmed, stressed, really any emotion and you just want to run to your own littler corner of the world, but also don't want to be alone there. That is both sort of what I am offering and looking for at the same time!
A bit about me. I'm just a middle aged guy open to talking to anyone really! Younger, older, married, single, from the US like me or from across the world, it doesn't matter. We are all sharing this big earth. I have a full time job in a STEM field, I am a bit of a nerd, and I'm so not ready for summer. It gets to hot! I'm going through a lot of life change, whether that be my job, my social life, or my beliefs. I'd be willing to chat about all of that with you. I am also bold and open to a fault. I will warn you now about that!
In all honesty I'm trying to capture the thrill of getting to know someone new. I have had reddit penpals before, in fact I found some of my first interactions from reddit under a different account from more than a decade ago. I want to see how things have changed here on reddit and out in the world in 10 years. There is some nostalgia going on, but also just a quest for new partners-in-crime or new people to lean on in the tough moments, new people to vent to and celebrate with.

General Info:

• Full name: Max Macallister
• Birthday: 8/21/2020
• Current age: 19
• Hometown: Chicago, Illinois

Favorite Things:

• Foods: Max can eat anything he and his aunt would hunt but thanks to her and her wonderful cooking, he grew to love pork more than any normal teenager should.
• Hobbies: Living in the woods didn't allow for many hobbies but since he couldn't hunt on his own before the age of 12, he and whatever birds wanted to tag along went exploring. Until this day, hiking and orienteering are his favourite things to do.

Appearance:

Faceclaim	Height	Weight	Body Type	Eyes
FC	6’ 1”	174 lbs	Lean and muscled, Max developed himself through hunting and routine training at camp along with a few dozen near death experiences.	Stormy grey, look almost pitch black under darker light.

Powers (Modmailed):

Domain Powers

Power	Description
Greater Lordship: Birds, Wind and Storm Spirits	Ever since he was young, Max lived in the woods with his Aunt and had no friends whatsoever. He was nearly completely isolated. That being said, his nature as a son of the king of the sky has given him the ability to speak to and control birds and wind or storm spirits. He's still trying to work on his authority with this power though wind spirits and birds do what he wants most of the time.
Wind/Air Manipulation	Having used this ability to accidentally destroy a cabin at camp and maybe cripple a boy, Max doesn't underestimate this ability and has been trying to practice controlling it.
Travel of the Elder Gods	Having the ability to travel distances with a lightning strike, Max is in the process of training with this power in hopes of using it to visit his aunt one day. His control has improved in spades since he first discovered it, however.

Minor Powers

Power	Description
Electrical Resistance	Despite Max never needing it so far in his life, he is resistant to electricity to a certain degree.
Electricity Manipulation	The ability to call down two lightning bolts per day, Max has gotten more used to this ability since its discovery.
Double Jump	Max has always felt more mobile when using his air manipulation though he never knew it was a separate ability.

Major Power

Power	Description
Bird's Eye View	Shortly after Max was forced to leave for camp, he discovered his ability to see through the eyes of birds. He can do this with any bird and has gained a few different birds he can do this with during his past year at camp. While he is using this ability, he is immobilized. Being a vital part of his arsenal, Max is much better at using it in battle though his mastery still has room to improve.

Equipment:

Item	Description
Featherweight	A bow made for Max by Barry Callahan. The bow is a simple thing, carved of birch wood. The white and grey bark looks like a rolling storm as it cascades down the wood. The bowstring is reinforced by two celestial bronze gears, made to help the archer pull the bow back and sustain that draw for longer. There are bronze carvings on the gears, the eagles being a nice touch on the metal for a simple design. A sight unfolds from the middle of the bow, folding down into place. The crosshairs in the sight are lightning bolts, meeting at a point, but the circumference of the sight is decorated like a weathervane.
Fraterculus	A celestial bronze xiphos that used to belong to Matt, before he gave it to Max for his first quest.
Tactical Spear	A celestial bronze tactical spear that originally belonged to his mom as a present from Zeus. It can change form into a pocket watch.
Custom Arrows	His collection of ammunition for his bow, including celestial bronze tipped arrows, some broadheads he found in the camp armory, and some trick arrows, including flash-bang arrows and net arrows.
Bead Necklace	2037 As a symbol of his past year at camp, Max was given a bead thanks to it being the end of the year. Beads so far:
Banging Beats Player	A stylized iPod Nano that when used to play music, lets out a high pitch screech that stuns those in hearing range. (1 combat turn stun at 5 meters, Loss of hearing at 10 meters, and Buzzing noise at 20 meters)
Amazon Catalogue	The Amazon Catalogue is a small digital tablet that can access the Amazon family of products (Prime, Kindle, etc.) and the store with free shipping, without triggering a monster's scent, and without need for a constant internet connection. The tablet still requires charge (Type-C). It is as sturdy as a standard Amazon Kindle. An occasional connection to an Internet or Ethernet source is required to ensure system interfacing (at least once a week). Although subscription fees are waived through the host account on this device, the user is still required for any additional costs.
Companion Egg	A large, glowing silvery egg. It is said to be able to hatch into a new companion for Max. It is unclear what kind of companion the egg will produce, but Max has been taking care to keep it safe and warm.

Friends:

Name	Relationship
Simon	A gyrfalcon that saved Max from the monster that destroyed his home. Simon was uncannily intelligent when it comes to bird standards. After finding a piece of a map that pointed to the Camp, Simon helped him make it there without dying. The three month journey strengthened their bond tenfold.
Mathew Knight	A son of Hades, Matt is Max's cousin and adopted (not legally) brother who he treasures greatly. Despite the son of Hades' ability to protect himself, Max would still do his best to protect him in any given situation. Basically, hurt him and prepare for immediate avian bombardment.
Austin Reynolds	As a son of Eros, for Max, Austin was easy to love. Too easy in fact, to the point where Max started loosing himself which led to them breaking up. Now Max's ex-boyfriend, Austin remains a friend if not as close as before.
Lupa Hines	Being one of the few people to know about Max's fear of waters, Lupa quickly became someone who Max trusted. Her help as Mediator made facing his fear a little more approachable and a lot less panic attack inducing.
Tori	A bluejay Max made friends with over the past year, Tori is the 'kind but stern' to Simon's sarcasm and joking.

Family:

Member	Name	Age	Relationship
Father	Zeus	Immortal	After the battle against the residents of the labyrinth and the forces of Nemesis, Max had a chance to speak to Zeus, though he spoke through a holographic eagle. Max's opinion of his father is positive though not affectionate enough to be called a familial bond.
Mother	Mary Macallister	36	While speaking with Max, his father, Zeus, showed him an image of his mother and explained that she wasn't the kind of woman to abandon her child when he'd left.
Aunt	Lillian Macallister	Missing	Since she took him in at the age of 3, Max's aunt became like a mother to him and taught him to hunt. She also gifted him his crossbow and the celestial bronze bolts that Zeus had supposedly given his mother before she passed it on to his aunt. He recently discovered that she's still alive.
Half-Sibling	Tristan Macmillan	21	Max's opinion of his veteran half-brother is much higher than most would assume. Despite his half-brother's being more withdrawn by nature, Max still looks up to him as an example of what a child of Zeus should be.

Personality:

Max isn't the most social kid on the block by any means but he has definitely begun to be more outgoing, or at least he's tried to be. He tries to approach people but isn't very well verse in the art of conversation and might come off insensitive or clueless from time to time.
Despite all of this, there remains one permanent aspect to Max's personality which was marked upon him while growing up. During his childhood, Max read stories about what families should be like and the discovery of his mother abandoning him paired with his Aunt's disappearance have made him near overprotective of those he calls family.

History:

The past two years at camp had been what Max would call the best time of his life, case in point, making friends that weren't of the avian persuasion, having a boyfriend for a time, pseudo-adopting a child of the God of Death as his little brother (He's just the cutest little guy), almost dying multiple times, going on two quests, and generally learning how to be a functional human being (He was still working on that last one).
Still, the time at camp had changed him, mostly for the better but he knew he couldn't stay at camp forever. That being said, the place was home. His family was here and he'd be damned if he let himself lose sight of that. He'd left camp shortly after his second quest. It had given him things to think about and work through but now he was back.
Plus, traveling around for a few months just hunting monsters by rumor or through the avian grapevine had been fun. It gave him a look at what the future could hold for him, at least for a little while after camp.
Present Day:
Sitting atop Cabin 1, Max watched the sun pull itself over the horizon with a stupid grin on his face. He wasn't sure why he was in a good mood today but he never did when these moods came over him. He just liked to enjoy them as they came and went. With a huff, he slid off the side of the cabin roof and cushioned the fall with a thought.
Stretching, the black-haired young man looked up. Maybe his dad was watching... or maybe not. It didn't really matter. Max knew he cared and wether or not he watched at any given moment didn't matter. Hmm... Would practicing his lightning-jumps be a bad idea this early in the morning? Yes, almost definitely. Would Max be doing it anyways? Yup! He needed to get his rebellious teenage years out since he'd skipped that whole phase and he'd started doing so little by little. Who knew? Maybe Max would end up a responsible and serious young man if he did it enough (Doubtful but peripherally possible, if not highly unlikely).
So he grinned and with a thunderclap and a blinding lightning bolt, he went from standing next to the Zeus Cabin, to standing at the edge of the Strawberry Fields. What a wonderful day.

I've been playing RDR2 lately and I can't stop thinking about how alive its world feels. I'm amazed by the number of lines of dialogue, completely random and fun situations it offers and the feeling that each NPC has a life that is "real". It made me think about how great a Fallout would be in a world like that, so detailed and open, with thousands of possibilities in an even wilder wasteland. Even the fact of being able to travel in junk vehicles powered by fusion cores. Obviously I know it's impossible, especially when we're talking about Bethesda, but imagine how incredible something like that would be within the Fallout universe.

I have been fuming about this incident that happened Friday night and I have not been able to get out all my frustrations to my friends and family. So here you go Reddit, this is in hopes I can finally put these feelings to rest.
Me (21F), my boyfriend (22M) and another couple we’re friends with went to a concert that featured Walk the Moon and the Goo Goo Dolls. My state doesn’t have a lot of performers who come out to do big concerts so when they do come, there is always a huge turnout. The four of us found the perfect spot in the crowd, close enough to see the performers but also with a quick route out to use the bathroom. We have our drinks and we’re having a good time. Walk the Moon opens and then the Goo Goo Dolls take the stage. About 30 mins into their performance, this couple comes up behind me and my boyfriend, next to the family behind us. Me and my boyfriend are attached at the hip, holding up our arms together, wrapping, dancing, etc.
Some time passes and I can kind of make out the words “Dude, you keep elbowing my tits” from the woman. My boyfriend asked “What?”, looked to the guy, and the guy avoided eye contact with him. At that point, my boyfriend said that he had only bumped into her shoulder once, which I trust his word but I also knew that we weren’t close enough to them because not once did I bump into her.
In an effort to rectify the situation, my boyfriend asked for me to move a little over, which I complied with. We were trying to get our friends to see if we could move away from this couple but it was too tightly packed. So we were stuck there. Trying to keep the good vibes going, I was cheering, had my arms up, just trying to dance and have fun.
30 mins or so later, I hear her say “Girl, I can literally smell your armpits.” I turn to her incredulously (upset) because I could not believe she was complaining about BO in a concert that’s being hosted outdoors on a tropical, humid island. I gestured to the edge of the crowd twice, told her “You can go, you can leave”. When I pointed to the edge of the crowd, I brushed her shoulders and she said “Don’t touch me”. I said “I ain’t tryin to touch you” and turned my lil butt around. I kept my arms up for 3-4 songs after that out of pure spite. We ignored them from then on and they left an hour later.
Later on, because I did feel self conscious about her comment, I asked my boyfriend to smell test me. He checked and the only way that she could have smelled me was if her face was 2 inches away from my armpits.
After debriefing with my boyfriend, we came to the conclusion that she was harassing us for little to no reason. Some of the things we thought were strange in their behavior was the simple fact they did not try to move or leave after the supposed elbowing. My boyfriend took it on himself to make space between us and this couple. I full heartedly believe that if anyone believed that they were getting inappropriately touched, they would move. Especially if their partner was there. Not once did they make an effort to move. Also, it was an extremely big crowd. There is bound to be occasional bumps between people. My drink was bumped a couple times, I bumped into others, everyone did. If you did not want to be in a packed section of the crowd, you could just as easily move closer to the outskirts where it was less populated and not be bumped into. Also, her guy said and did nothing about what she was trying to say.
As for her comment about my armpits, I really believe she was just trying to find something to complain about to get me and my boyfriend’s attention again (more likely my boyfriend if we’re being honest). There was no need to make such a comment at a literal outdoor concert where everyone’s sweat mixes. It was an attempt to embarrass me. In front of who? I couldn’t begin to say.
At the end of the day, I’m more upset that she tried to make my boyfriend look like he was harassing her to do something as perverse as copping a feel. Her man didn’t even try to stand up for her and back what she was saying. We had our hands on each other the whole time and nothing untoward happened with everyone else that we were surrounded by.
If you end up seeing this and you know who you are, making that kind of a lie on someone else’s name will get you all kinds of bachi.

Hello. Before I begin, I’d like to go over a bit of groundwork. I am a 13 year old female and this occurred sometime in the fall of last year. We’ll call my younger sister(7 at the time of this occurrence) A and my brother(5) B. My grandparents live near the border of Oregon, on the closest side of the state to Idaho. Our grandparents’ house had two guest rooms; the kids stayed in one and my parents stayed in the other. Grandma and grandpa’s room was close to ours, there closet sharing a wall with our room. Now that that’s cleared up, let’s begin.
In the fall of last year, my parents had my siblings and I stay two nights at my grandparents house. The first day we spent there, A, B, Mom,Dad, and I went to watch the first half of a local rodeo. We had a fun time and when we got back to the house, it was normal. Nothing happened all night that was worth noting. The next evening, it was only mom and dad that went to watch the second half of the rodeo. Mind you, our room had a single queen sized bed. A slept on the floor and B slept on one side of the bed, closest to the door, while I slept on the other side of him, closest the wall. A slept a few feet away from the foot of the bed on a cot. It was maybe 1:23 AM. I was messing around on my phone, watching some nonsense that I can’t even remember today. Everyone was asleep, the parents gone at the rodeo. See the thing about our bedroom door was that the thing was slightly too big for it’s frame. Grandpa didn’t want to spend the money to replace it and so they just lived with it. Now don’t get me wrong, the door closed-it was just very difficult and LOUD when trying to open it after. The door was closed all the way. So now picture if you will, a 12 year old girl sitting in bed, playing around on her phone. Suddenly, I hear footsteps growing closer to our room. Thinking it’s my grandma, I turn off the phone and act sort of sprawled out. Y’know when you were very small and would pretend to be asleep at daycare so you wouldn’t get lectured for playing with your friends? Like, when you closed your eyes two-thirds of the way closed-just barely opened enough that you can see but that your eyelashes cover it from other people seeing. Yeah well I did that, just to see what grandma was doing. Then the door starts making the scraping sound it made whenever someone tried to open it. Then it’s quiet for a minute and I assumed so she had opened it. But then there was this hissing noise. I realized that it was someone running their hand back and forth against the metal headboard of the bed. I realize that there’s something moving back and forth in front of the bed, just walking from the left side of the foot of the bed to the right side of it. Just a shadow of a person. At this point, I’m somewhat panicking for my sisters sake. The thing keeps pacing for a few moments. Then it stops and bend over my brother- still fast asleep beside me. It makes a sound like it’s inhaling deeply. Then it straightens, and walks calmly out of the room. I hear the door struggle to close and the hissing sound stop. Shaken, yet a bit in disbelief, I ended up going to sleep. The next morning, I came downstairs to see the parents eating breakfast, trying-and failing-to hide their hangovers. We packed things up, loaded it all on the car, said our goodbye to the grandparents, and started home. Once we got home and unpacked, I told mom and dad what had happened at dinner. To no-ones surprise, they didn’t believe me. In fact, my dad looked at me and said- AND I QUOTE- “are you sure we shouldn’t have you drug-tested?” Now jokes aside, I believe I saw SOMETHING, though I’m not sure what. A spirit or shadow-person, maybe. The realization hit me that it could have been a demon, though the thing didn’t give off a menacing presence. It was just THERE.
I’m very aware that this… this… this THING couldn’t have my been either grandparent. They were very old- and they were actually my GREAT-grandparents. My grandma was 81 and grandpa was 83. Therefore at the pace it was moving, it couldn’t have been either one. So who was it?

(as of the May 19, 2024 version of Fortnite Festival – standard controllers only)
Why this Matters:
Having improper calibration settings can adversely affect your enjoyment of Fortnite Festival, but unfortunately, the built-in tool for calibration is sub-par for actually getting your calibration right. Moreover, everyone’s audio, visual, and gaming equipment setup is different, so there is no one-size-fits-all setting that can be universally applied. One must spend the time and effort to get the calibration settings correct in order to turn missed notes into “Good” hits…and “Good” hits into “Perfect” hits.
But how does one do that? A frustrating fact is that the results of a song’s gameplay session give you data about your A) note hitting accuracy and B) your offset (early or late)… but many people don’t know how to apply this information to make the right kinds of adjustments. This guide attempts to help players do that in a systematic way.

What Exactly is Being Calibrated?
The game has an interplay between three things:
1) What you see on your screen
2) What you hear when the music is playing, and
3) Your button presses
Ideally all of these line up, which is the whole point of calibration. The game registers a “hit” note when it receives the button press at the same time as the falling note gem hits the very button of the screen at the same time. So, theoretically, you could play Fortnite Festival with the audio off and just simply concentrate on hitting the notes when they hit the bottom of the screen, and simply ignore the song.
But who wants to do that? No one!
The whole fun of the game is HEARING the music and pressing the button at the same time you HEAR the note in time with the music. That is why this is called a “rhythm game” not a “visual note dropping button pressing game”
So, the game registers “hit” notes based on the falling gem, but your brain registers its own “hit” when it hears the beat of the music, and both are tied together with a button press – e.g. you press the button when you hear the beat, and that button press should also be at the same time the note gem hits the bottom.
If all is properly calibrated, then everything flows perfectly and you have a fantastic groove session with most notes being hit or missed based on your SKILL, and NOT a mismatch between the audio, visual and button input.
So how do we get there? Read on…

Step 1: Have the Tune-up Roadie Help You
In the organ lobby, do the in-game calibration using the Roadie. She will not give you the best settings, but the thing is, we need somewhere to start from and this is as good a place as any. Do your best and don’t worry about whether the settings are any good – we’re going to fix this all later.
As you take the steps below, you will change the track speed, A/V offset, or Input Offset in the settings screen (accessible in the organ lobby, results screen, or during a song itself).

Step 2: Get Your Video Settings Right First and Foremost
Now, the FIRST thing to calibrate is make sure that a note hitting at the bottom during a song seems like it is truly hitting the bottom at the same time as the beat of music. But this is kinda hard to do with the naked eye. It also requires you to still play the notes so you can see when the note light “flashes” when it actually gets to the bottom The best way to really see if this visual component looks right is by cranking up the track speed as high as you can as you’re playing a song.
“But Mad Dog” you say, “I can’t play a song with 2.5x track speed to do this - it’s too fast” No problem – what you will do here is play a song that meets the following criteria:

1. You know it really, really well
2. It has a DRUM element that is around 1, 2 or 3 bars (in other words, relatively straightforward patterns)
3. You play it on a difficulty level that is not beyond your capability (ideally you can get 100% every time – doesn’t matter if it’s Easy, Medium, Hard or Expert – just hit most or all the notes)
4. The song has a simple, constant repeating pattern for most, if not all of the song’s length.

I like to choose drums on “Call Me Maybe” or “Blinding Lights” on Expert when I do this, but you can use whatever song and difficulty setting you like as long as it meets this criteria (the criteria also is just a suggestion, not a requirement).
Play the song with highest speed you can tolerate (faster is better) and as you’re playing, watch closely to see where and how the note gem is falling in time with your music. Play your button presses as you would normally to the audio cues of the song, but notice if the gem seems (to your eye) to be hitting the bottom at the same time as the intended beat, or if it is falling a little late, or is falling and hitting the bottom early. Unless your video calibration is accidentally perfect right off the bat (unlikely), you will notice that the gems fall and hit the bottom either early or late. A faster track speed will allow you to see this much better than a slower track speed, so this is why I recommend as fast as you can tolerate.
Based on what you’re seeing, go into the settings and make the following adjustment to the A/V Offset:

• If the gem is getting to the bottom too quickly as compared to the music beat (early - you see the note hit bottom before the beat), then **ADD** 5 or 10 milliseconds to the value of the A/V Offset.
• If the gem is getting to the bottom too slowly as compared to the music beat (late - you see the note hit bottom after the best), then **SUBTRACT** 5 or 10 milliseconds to the value of the A/V Offset.

Don’t worry about the Input Offset setting AT ALL here. Don’t mess with that part in this calibration stage….all you’re focusing on is how the gem LOOKS In terms of it getting to the bottom in time with your music, and making adjustments ONLY to the A/V Offset. You can do this after the song is over, or in the middle of the song (recommended) so you can see if the gem is really getting to the bottom at the right time.
You may have to play your song a few times and make real-time tweaks to the A/V Offset for a while, but eventually you should be able to get the gem to look like it’s falling and hitting the bottom in time with the music. Again, you are concentrating on the VISUAL component here. Make adjustments by 5 or 10 milliseconds at a time to the A/V Offset until it looks right.
After a while, you should get to a point where the falling gem is hitting the bottom exactly at the right time with the beat. Congratulations! You’ve now figured out the most important thing which is aligning your “visual targets” of the falling note gems to the beat of the music.
IMPORTANT!!! Once you’ve gotten to this point DO NOT ADJUST THE A/V OFFSET ANY FURTHER. All future offset value changes should be done to the input offset only (because you are now sure that if you miss a note, it would be because your skill is off or your button input offset setting is off, and not because the gem is not hitting the bottom in time with the music).
On to the next step.
Step 3: Figuring Out Input Offset Settings
The Input Offset accounts for the tiny (but significant) delay between your press of the button when you are trying to hit a note, and how the game registers that press as accurate or not as compared to the falling gem. If the setting is off, then the game may score your press as a miss (or a “good” instead of “perfect” hit) even if you have great rhythm and hand-eye coordination and are truly pressing the button in time to the actual music.
Moreover, it’s difficult to adjust input offset settings because you don’t know if your timing is off because of your SKILL or because of your INPUT LATENCY. But don’t worry, we have a plan:
Now that you’re sure the video component is good, change your track speed to whatever speed you prefer. It doesn’t matter at this point because the falling gem will always hit the bottom at the same time as the beat no matter the track speed, so the goal here is to have the track speed be as comfortable as possible for you.
Then, play a song that has the following criteria:

1. You know the song really, really well
2. You know the song’s chart really, really well
3. Pick any instrument for that song which you’re best at (or prefer most)
4. Pick a difficulty level as high as you can pick and still feel confident that you can get 99% or 100%

Song choice and pattern choice don’t really matter here. What matters is that you could probably get 100% repeatedly with it over and over again. It’s totally fine to do this with an Easy difficulty, but I encourage you to use a higher difficulty if you can because that will get you more “data points” (e.g. notes to hit) that you can use to reference when making your adjustments.
Play the song all the way through. Try to get 100% accuracy (don’t worry if they are Good or Perfect hits….just get all the hits).
If you successfully play the song to 100% (or 99% - we don’t need to be this picky, just pretty close to 100% will do), then observe and WRITE DOWN the “Avg Offset” data you see when you press the “More Details” button on the after-song results screen.
Now, sit back and play a few songs like you normally do when you play Fortnite Festival just for fun and aren’t trying to do a bunch of calibration stuff. BUT, start writing down your results FOR EACH SONG by listing:

1. Your current Input Offset number in the settings, and
2. Your “Avg. Offset” number on the results screen, and then,
3. The SUM of each for a particular song playthrough.

For example:
Say I played a song and my Input Offset when I played it was set to 55ms and the results screen when I was done showed my “Avg Offset” was -15 (late), I would write the following
55-15 = 40
And then I play another song and my Input Offset when I played it was again set to 55ms and the results screen when I was done showed my “Avg Offset” was +10 (early), I would write the following
55+10=65
I then play a bunch of different songs (let’s say 8 songs) and get a “data point” listing like this:

• 55-15-=40
• 55+9=64
• 55-21=34
• 55-17=38
• 55-2=53
• 55-14=41
• 55-10=45
• 55-3=52

I then want to take the average of the SUM of all these latency/offset scores and that would be the likely “correct” Input Offset setting number I should use.
Example:
40+64+34+38+53+41+45+52 = 46 average.
Which means I should now go into the settings and make my Input Offset number as close as possible to that figure, which in this case is 45 (since Input Offset values only change in 5 ms increments).
Repeat as necessary and ONLY MAKE CHANGES TO THE INPUT LATENCY! (NOT the A/V Offset!!) until you are consistently getting “Avg Offset” results that are within a range of -10 to +10.
NOTE: For best results in this step, be sure to only use data (scores) that are resulting from play-throughs that result in a “Flawless 100%” rating. If your skill in the game is such that you can’t get 100% flawless that often, either lower the difficulty until you can, or just do the best you can and only use “data points” from song playthroughs with as high an accuracy score close to 100% as possible.

Step 4: Fine-Tuning for Maximum Awesomeness
You should now have A/V Offset and Input Offset values in your game settings that are probably pretty good for your system setup. You can now be (relatively) confident that if your “Avg Offset” is higher than +10 or lower than -10, it's probably you and your skill that caused the discrepancy, and not because you were fighting the calibration settings.
Remember, if your accuracy and “Good”/”Perfect” percentages are not where you want them to be, it could be because you just didn’t have a good song session, or you just need more practice with that song chart. Finding great calibration settings doesn't directly translate to higher accuracy or scores...it translates to a more *accurate representation* of your accuracy and skill level.
There’s also been some anecdotal reports here on Reddit of some songs having a different “feel” to them in terms of the built-in song latency and note “hit” registering being a little different than other songs, even with spot-on calibration settings. Who knows? I am intrigued by this and would like to explore this further, since I could see it as entirely possible that different individuals at Epic are creating song charts for different songs, where, if their own systems are calibrated differently to each other, that could that perhaps affect the scoring and gem hit registers for different songs. I am not sure, but I am open to the idea. More likely, though, (in my mind) is that people still have video calibration issues that are unresolved when they are seeing this in their own experience. But then again, who knows?
Anyhow, as you’re playing, keep a tally log of your song Avg Offset scores. Note your sum total of your existing Input Offset setting combined with your Avg Offset results and use these numbers to determine if and when you should tweak your Input Offset setting. If you think you need to make an Input Offset value adjustment, only do so because you’re seeing figures indicating such an adjustment is needed over MULTIPLE playthroughs (and not because you just had one poor performance session). In order words, only make an adjustment if you CONSISTENTLY see Avg Offsets being generally higher than +10 or generally lower than -10.
REMEMBER:

• If the Avg Offset result is NEGATIVE/EARLY then **DECREASE** the Input Offset value.
• If the Avg Offset result is POSITIVE/LATE then **INCREASE** the Input Offset value.

ALSO:

• Repeat the entire process in this Guide if you ever change ANY of the components of your audio, video, controller or gaming system. This includes using a headset or not. For me, I have to use different settings when I use my soundbar in my living room versus when I use my wired headset plugged into my PS5 controller, even if I am using the same screen and controller (because it's a different audio setup)
• If you EVER feel the need to change the A/V Offset value in settings, realize that you MUST then start collecting and using new Input Offset and Avg Offset data to fine-tune your accuracy.

Now Go Have Fun
I know this sounds tedious, but trust me, the payoff is worth it. There’s no better feeling than watching your scores climb the leaderboard because the system settings are accurately reflecting your skills, and knowing that a poor performance is because of YOU and not your game settings.
Hope this helps! If you want to friend me and challenge me to a bass duel, you can find me on Fortnite Festival under MadDog182, often wearing the Relaxed Fit Jonesy skin.
Enjoy! And Thank you Epic for bringing this game to Fortnite!

It seems since varangian released she's been getting less and less popular and while i've seen complaints about her genderlock and some about her armor variety most of the complaints come from her playstyle and a lot of posts i've seen recently express complete disappointment in varangian and how she plays, this believe it or not was my main fear with an axe and shield viking cause not only does the weapon choice feel generic but the playstyle suffers from being rather lame when compared to recent hero releases like ocelotl who is a lot more fun to play as.
In fact something in my gut tells me that the new benkei inspired samurai will be everything that varangian is not and that is: fun to play as and unique in moveset because there is a reason why characters who are designed to counter the current meta DON'T WORK.

When you wanted me to go on one last camping trip to try to change my mind, I didn’t go. Sometimes I feel torn about not going. Part of me was afraid at the time I’d fall back on my decision to leave. Part of me now just wishes I went. But when I think about the last camping trip we had, I think it’s for the best.
.......
I left work early that Friday so we could take off camping with your friends that weekend. We had to stop by and get some supplies at Walmart on the way. We were walking through walmart and I was having so much fun just being present and enjoying the moment because we were about to have a great weekend trip camping and I was so excited. In my bubbly excitement, I started lightheartedly making jokes and pointing at random objects, saying how this hatchet would make a great addition to our home, etc. You were distracted, with your mind elsewhere, thinking about what we actually needed. You half ignored me/half acknowledged me, in short responses “Oh that’s nice” “Yea that’s cool. Can we get back on track” And when I asked if we could get a veggie burger you told me no harshly and scolded me because you were trying to shop on a budget. The instant dismissal and tone in which you snapped hurt. In my defiance, I said “ Fine I’ll just get it myself so you don’t have to pay for it,” and You said “Fine whatever.” as you turned to keep walking with the cart. Several minutes later, we were in another aisle. I don’t remember what it was that I had pointed at again or asked if we could get. I just remember, you finally lost it with me. You lashed out at me, clearly fed up and pissed, raising your voice to berate me. “Can you SHUT UP and stop pointing at every little fucking thing in the store? Are you trying to annoy me?! I’m in a fucking rush here and I am trying to stay on track so we can get out to the camping site. Just. fucking. Stop.” you couldn’t deal with me. Me, who was just being myself. But to you, it felt like everything I was doing, everything I was saying was on purpose just to annoy you, just to get in your way.
The way you scolded me in public and told me to stop talking entirely just put an instant damper on my cheery mood. In that moment, for me, I was stunned. And I think that’s part of what hurt so much. Just the fact that you could lash out at me in that way, out of the blue. The fact that me being myself, just speaking my mind could make you so angry. The fact that you could, in an instant, be so cruel and uncaring, and speak to me with that tone. That tone that said you hated me, couldn’t stand me, like I was just a buzzing fly you could smack down at any given moment. Wondering why you even invited me if I annoy you so much. Wondering why you’re even with me if me just being myself makes you so angry. Wondering if I should have just been silent the whole time, so as not to trigger you because I didn’t know how to speak without enraging you.. It was just so clear to me in that moment, how little you respected me. And that hurt. Because the whole time, I just wanted your attention, I was trying to connect with you in my own way, trying to have fun and enjoy the moment because I loved you. But you didn’t even want to see me. And just me making attempts at light hearted banter was enough to send you into rage. Because that’s how little you wanted to do with me, that’s how little I meant to you. And I wasn’t even thinking these thoughts, it was an understanding that came to me in a feeling of hurt in a split second. It was understood through the tone of your voice, that threatening contemptuous tone. It was understood through the look in your eyes, warning me.
Immediately, I got quiet standing there with a feeling of whiplash, stunned by how suddenly you snapped and in an instant, I started crying. Tears welled up in my eyes of their own volition before I could even fully process. They say tears are often an unconscious defense mechanism, to let our caregivers know that this person needs to be cared for because they are hurt. But for some reason, whenever I cried, it always had the opposite impact on you.
When you noticed the tears forming, you looked at me with such intense disbelief and rage. With one look, a look I was well familiar with, you sent me into a terrified panic because I knew with that look that I was in trouble for daring to cry, that I had fucked up by showing my hurt, and that you were angrier for it. You rolled your eyes in such exasperation, like you really couldn’t deal with my audacity to dare tear up, and you exclaimed “ Oh my GAWWWD” while simultaneously turning away from me. I quickly tried to apologize and wipe my eyes “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to” You had already just walked off. I stood there a moment, trying to compose myself, before following after you. I looked around, expecting you to be close by but you had walked way across the store and were standing in the checkout line. You were silent when I came up, you didn’t even acknowledge me, and I looked up at you, watching you quietly seethe. Everything about your demeanor said that I had fucked up. Without looking at me, you leaned in close and said in a hushed warning voice “You better stop fucking crying right now,” like I was a child throwing a tantrum in the store. I responded emotionally, “I’m sorry” once more, as I wiped my eyes. I kept my head down, and made myself quiet and small, embarrassed that people could see. Red eyed, barely holding back tears, willing myself not to cry, we checked out one by one. Numb, I started silently scanning the veggie burgers you had tried to stop me from buying earlier, along with half of everything else. An older female Walmart employee walked by, and I ducked my head down to avoid eye contact, embarrassed she might be able to tell. I paid, and you silently checked out as well.
Later in the car, You went off on me, saying I shouldn't ever cry in public because someone might think you hit me and call the cops. You were more concerned with the way I made you look in public (which is why you walked away from me), then the fact that I was hurt, crying, and clearly upset. There was no apology, no admittance of being in the wrong. And I was just thinking that if you had shown any kind of empathy and acted like you gave a shit, asked me what's wrong or if i'm okay, put a hand on my shoulder, then no one would think you beat me. I said as much, and you said “Okay.” There was no “I’m sorry.” no “I was wrong.” Just okay, and silence.
As soon as we arrived at the site, and we unloaded our stuff, I went to grab a drink from the cooler, one that had been in the freezer at our house frozen solid, which had been sitting in the car for last couple hours In a bag of ice in The cooler, and I asked you as I grabbed it “Do you think it's thawed now?” thinking out loud.
And you just looked at me all incredulously as if you were amazed that I could say something so patently ridiculous and said “Thats the dumbest fucking question, why would you even ask that or think that it would still be frozen? Of course it's thawed. Are you an idiot?” You shook your head like you were disappointed I’d be so stupid. like it was so obvious and I was just this huge idiot for even having that passing thought let alone daring to share. You said it loud enough that I worried some of the other couples around us heard and I just remember feeling so hurt, so small, and stupid, on top of being embarrassed and ashamed. I felt so small, so disrespected, so dismissed, so ridiculed, and it hurt because it was coming from the one person I cared about. Instantly, I just got quiet, and sad. The way you could belittle me so easily and at a whim at any given moment, no matter what I said. Wondering why I even bother to speak with you at all. To ever ask you anything. To ever even speak out loud. I did my best to shove down my hurt feelings, to not let it show, and to carry on socializing with your friends. Because you had trained me well not to show that in front of other people, and I figured it wouldn’t go well having a meltdown in front of your friends.
And I remember during the evening by the campfire, I stayed up and listened to you and Joey speak. I was in the background, not saying anything, Just listening. And I remember having a lot of thoughts about the topics you were speaking about. But I didn’t say a word. The whole time. Because I just figured that was what you wanted from me. To be quiet. To not say anything stupid. To not piss you off. Because it was so clear to me how stupid and uninteresting my thoughts were to you. And I knew it was not safe to have a dissenting opinion during banter with you. It wasn’t like you ever even made an effort to include me in the conversation, to ask me what I thought anyway. And I figured it wasn’t even worth the risk to say the wrong thing. After Joey eventually went to bed, you tried to talk to me. And I was just kind of quiet, defeated, tired, unresponsive. You asked me “Why don’t you say anything.” I told you I was just tired. But the truth was I was upset, I was doing my best to bury my feelings, to not talk about it, because I knew you didn’t like it when I showed that I was upset. It’s hard to want to have a conversation with someone who will randomly punish you for saying the wrong thing. And I was terrified of doing that again. Like the way you punished me was infrequent, but frequent enough, where I never knew if I was going to trigger a bad response again.And I had no idea how to not say something you would find stupid, because everytime I triggered you, I was just being myself. So then I was left feeling like I couldn’t speak my mind or say anything at all because I could step on a land mine at any given moment.
Later that night as I drifted to sleep, I started wondering if you got that new air mattress and tent from your camping trip with Josie. The one you lied to me about. And I wondered if she slept on this mattress with you back then, in the same tent.
Throughout the weekend, this dynamic continued and colored the rest of the trip, which for that reason ended up being not as great as I had thought it would be. Any fun and casual conversation I was having would be immediately ruined by you calling me an idiot who didn't know what I was talking about. It really hurt every time and it was like you didn't even realize you were doing it. That cruelty, that belittling, that contempt, it just came so naturally to you.
And then there was the whole incident with the cave conversation. When I finally decided to join in the conversation between you and Joey’s kid nephew talking about the cave system. And I asked apparently a stupid question. And the way that you belittled me so callously and cruelly right infront of that kid. That shit hurt. And he was just watching us, looking back and forth. And I remember turning away and discontinuing engaging in the conversation because I couldn’t get into it with you then. I just sat there, in the lawn chair, willing myself not to cry, while I thought about how depressed and lonely I was. I started talking to Joey’s sweet little niece who came up and started showing me pictures, and I just nodded and smiled, talking to her while half out of it, just trying to hold back my tears. And honestly, I had a better conversation with her than I had with you the entire trip. They say kids can be cruel because they are socially inept, but those kids were so much nicer than you..
Later you were so convinced you were in the right you said “Even the kid was looking at you like you were stupid because you clearly didn’t know what you were talking about because you weren’t in the cave” And Im just thinking this has nothing to do with me not understanding caves and everything to do with your cruelty and the way you constantly put me down like its second fucking nature. But you couldn’t understand that. You were so convinced you were right, and I was wrong.
And towards the end I stopped engaging in conversation all together if you were present because I didn't want to be punished for saying the wrong thing. And I just remember thinking how sad it was that your friends spoke to me with more respect than my own boyfriend and I started wondering why I ever even agreed to go on this trip in the first place.
And you wonder why i didn’t want to go camping with you again after the last time.

SORRY FOR MY BAD ENGLISH IT IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE I AM FROM THE BALKANS.
i just got on this post bc i recently quit cart smoking for 8 weeks. i smoked like everyday for 6 months no sober day. Now i recwntly got rid of the annoying side effects when you quit. Everything was going perfectly normal and i just felt that my life improved day by day and i felt that i got more disciplined and more energetic. 2 hours ago i was going through my stuff in my closet and i found my cart with a little ,,sauce" in it. as i grabbed it in my hand i heard a very darkish evil voice saying something unclear at first but it just gave me the vibe that some type of spirit was literally in front of me forcing me to get high once again. after i heard the first whispering i tried to listen more closely and i heard "come on just take it" in my language and to be honest i never was more scared in my life. I was home alone, no tv or phone open just me alone in my room. It maked me feel for a second the strong need for weed just as i felt when i was smoking and the really scary part was that like let me explain: you know when you can feel like someone is right in front of you mad. even if you don t se nobody or hear them you can still feel their ,,energy" that was exactly how i felt at that moment but the weird thing was that i was all alone.when i looked in front of me i felt like i my eyes were fighting my senses. even if nobody was there i felt it looking at me. Evil. Wanting to see me fall once more into the trap of laziness. and im not hating on weed or something but my carts were hhc-p and they got me mad sleepy and unmotivated for like 6 hours evry time i smoked.ok now back in to the story. everything that i have told you happened in a matter of 4-5 seconds. I felt the evil and bad intentions just within the voice. It was almost like he tried to shame me.That thing literally wanted to make fun of me. Now in my theory that thing was not that strong as a spirit because everything went back to normal as i put the cart back where it was. I recently got into stoic motivation and really improved my self confidence and i feel more capable as a man. after i heard it talk to me i felt for a second that i should believe that voice and if i think right now i can't imagine it because i hate that cart so much it just broken my relationship with my family,friends and it destroyed a part of me. its almost like the adam and eve story where eve got manipulated by the snake to eat the forbidden apple. but i felt like a force in me fought back this time and helped me to put the cart back. But as i held it in my hand it felt like i was holding some cursed dark magic thing that had its own aura. Now tbh i am really scared to even touch it anymore.
And just to add for people because my storytelling is bad and it sounds like i lie most probably - i have NEVER heard any type of voice of "spirits" like this in my life - the feeling that i felt is almost feeling like its slowly getting deleted from my brain the more time passes. - i have no brain problems and every pshychological test that i take it says that i have potential more than normal humans. - when i say i hate weed at this moment.I mean it. it just ruined 1 year of my teenage years. the one that you were supposed to have fun not get high everyday and stay in home - i was not a normal smoker indeed. i remember days when i got to sleep and put my head down on the pillow and felt the room moving whith me and when i was opening my eyes everything was blurred. - i used to lie myself that weed gave me more time to think about my problems but after i got off it i felt for a whole month that life was not worth living and i felt a deep deppresion in myself. i can t even describe that feeling as it was worse day by day. it didn't get better only when i started to workout, eat healthy and do more things that will help me achieve my dreams
I AM NOT WRITING THIS TO CONVINCE ANYONE.
i wrote this so if one day someone will be in the same situation as me he will also write down here and maybe we will find more info about this WEED SPIRITS. i know for a fact what i felt and heard.

I’m so tired of seeing people try to dunk on things that might be slightly disappointing but still good (Starfield for example), while endlessly praising FromSoft games. I will admit, however, FromSoft has actually achieved something truly remarkable in terms of building a fanbase and weaponizing them with the idea that anyone who doesn’t like their games is just bad. Like, you can’t bring up any critiques of these games whatsoever without people trying to attack you personally, which is something I have never seen to this extent with any other franchise.
There are plenty of games that are insanely difficult that are actually fun (see Ghouls ‘n Ghosts); but Souls games are nothing more than rote exercises in trial and error where you go around and whack the same zombie/soulless husks/zombie like dudes with a hammer despite having absolutely zero context or motivation to do so, game after game after game (I’m aware the bosses are different, but you get the idea).
The crazy thing is, even the dev’s must agree that it’s simply rote trial and error because they made a system for you to warn other players about unfair instant deaths in the game instead of you know… actually making their game balanced or fun. Back in the 90’s when dev’s implemented unfair leap of faith deaths that were entirely trial and error, people criticized them accordingly. Now they use this exact same kind of unbalanced gameplay to gatekeep which is honestly hilarious. Games can be made difficult with arbitrary deaths.
Everything about these games reeks of laziness and marketing bs. They couldn’t be bothered to ever actually make a story and so just wrote random pieces of lore and hoped the players would make up the story for them. Elden Ring’s whole selling point is “Dark Souls but open world” when Dark Souls’ whole selling point was “Demon’s Souls but open world”…. Their open worlds feel like empty places. They don’t feel lived in at all. They don’t make you feel like you’re in another world.
Truthfully, none of this would matter to me at all if not for the fact that these games are actively destroying the industry imho. The last two Zelda games are pretty much FromSoft games in design, where you run around and mindlessly whack enemies with almost zero context or motivation to do so, again in an open world that does not feel lived in whatsoever (even Ubisoft games are better in this regard). They couldn’t even be bothered to do actual dungeons because “open world”. Somehow despite spitting in the face of everything Zelda has always been, these games are more popular than ever due to FromSoft fanboys, and more and more games are going to go this route (see Jedi Fallen Order, though not quite as bad at least in motivation/context department).

I don't tell a lot of people we're no contact, but it comes up very often in my 1 on 1 conversations with friends.
It's only because I miss you and I'm trying to come at terms with our situation. I even cry sometimes when I'm alone and not even actively thinking of you. I do a lot of stuff I normally wouldn't to come at terms with not being able to talk to my loved little brother.
I visit the places we frequented. I recreate our fun memories with others but it doesn't come without sorrow. I think of you at every little reminder. I listen to our favourite tracks and sing along alone. I always feel heavy whenever I look at the tattoo that's secretly attached to you and our bond over the music track we had a moment with when I was driving confidently for the first time with you in the passenger seat.
Your life took many turns and I know it wasn't easy. I really did my best to help you out and I wish I could've done more. If you'd simply allowed it. But you made your choice and I'm reluctantly obliging because you gave me no choice.
It doesn't take away the pain. It doesn't make me love you any less. You'll always be that sweet brother who got on my nerves ever so often but was always there making my life more bearable.
I hate how I can't talk about it to mummy and papa because they believe they haven't got it easy either and I shouldn't be feeling bad about it. I hate how they are so positive things will be better than normal again. I hate how every friend I confide in asks me to be more positive because I know for a fact that the ship has sailed. It sailed way too back but last October was just hitting the nail in the head.
I wish you find the courage to seek me out whenever you're ready again. For now, I have to take your word at face value and forget that I have a brother.
I will always love you but from a distance despite living under the same roof. You will never be replaced, you can't be. But I hope the random crying stops. I hope it gets easier with time. I can't wait to move out because I will finally think less of how hurtful not talking to you anymore feels.

Hello there and welcome back to my nuzlocke! You might wanna check out Part 1 if you don't know what's going on.
When we last left off, we were about to challenge Tate and Lisa. So i did that, and they were easy. They were bested by Surfs from Sushi the Gyarados and Bubble Beams from Vegeta, a Tentacruel i caught (i forgot to teach her Surf, lol). Easy. I also remembered to do the New Mauwille quest, where i caught Kirby the Electrode, and i also went to the Abandoned Ship to get Ice Beam. Then it was time to stop Archie. After getting completely lost in the sea routes, i finally found him at Seafloor cavern and beat the heck out of him with Toad the Breloom and Bolt the Manectric. Then i went to the Cave of Origin. There i caught Diamond the Sableye. I also caught some big whale with a Master Ball, but since Kyogre is a legendary, i won't actually be using him. Then I went to face Wallace. After struggling with his gym puzzle for way longer i would like to admit, i finally actually got to him. His team was relatively easy, except for his ace, Milotic. That stupid fish-snake-thing was so bulky, kept using recover and potions and managed to get TWO FREEZES IN A ROW with Ice Beam. Fun fact: Ice Beam has only a 1% chance to freeze, so getting two freezes in a row is only a 0.1% chance.... I love RNG hahaahah.... This bulls**t lead me to losing Bolt and Dante the Absol and I had to resort to poison stalling the damn thing with Vegeta and Sushi. Luckily the rest of his team was kinda pathetic and we had no other casualties. F**k you Wallace.
The only thing left to do now is head to Ever Grande City, go through Victory Road and challenge the Elite Four. When I do that, I will update you on how it went.
Please comment, i want to know your thoughts!

I thought this could be a fun game.
Here’s how it works. I’m going to give a quick description of a person in a scenario. Give me the first name that pops into your head for them. The “rule” is to think fast and just go with your gut. Don’t analyze name popularity, origin, or meaning. Just the first name you think of.

1. You’re out for a walk. You hear a little girl exclaiming “Lemonade! Fresh lemonade here!” You see a girl who looks about 8 or 9 sitting at a lemonade stand. She has dark brown hair and olive skin. She has a confident smile. She’s dressed in sporty clothes and looks a bit tomboyish. What’s her name?
   
2. You’re at a graduation party for a coworker’s child. As you mingle, you meet the graduate’s best friend. She’s 18. She has long red hair tied back in a ponytail. Her skin is very fair and she has freckles on her cheeks. She’s soft-spoken but not too shy. She met the graduate in band class and she’s going to school on a music scholarship next year. What’s her name?
   
3. You go to a fancy restaurant. Your waiter is a man in his twenties. He’s tall and thin. He’s black. Through small talk, you learn he’s waiting tables to help pay for grad school. He’s studying to become a psychologist. He’s very personable and seems extroverted. What’s his name?
   
4. You meet the wife of an acquaintance at a party. She’s in her late thirties. She’s a petite woman of Chinese descent. You learn she’s a saleswoman and a mother of two. She has a beautiful smile and a great sense of humor. What’s her name?
   
5. You have to see the emergency dentist. A man in his late fifties walks in. He’s short with light brown hair that’s starting to have a little gray. He’s very matter of fact when he addresses you. Not mean, but certainly curt. What’s his name?
   
6. You help your friend install a bookshelf for his grandfather, a man in his 80s. His hair is white. He’s average height but walks a bit hunched over. He’s very polite and has a dry sense of humor. What’s his name?
   

This is a [LF Friends, Will travel] stand-alone story, that assumes no knowledge of the setting.
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Date: 75 PST (Post Stasis Time)
“Yeah, it’s super exciting times! Two non-Terran AI, a Woolean, and a Tritian, finally interacting with us. There’s even been talks of some of the Woolean governments starting to formalize diplomatic relations with the Alliance. Exciting stuff!”
The avian uplift spoke with a measure of excitement, the ex-parrot’s feathers moving with a passion as they spoke about recent events, eyes glinting with excitement as she swung the glass of liquid around before taking a swig of the alcoholic beverage.
The bar was a small thing, more of a place to stay and drink in-between your travels, a tiny little room of bare steel chairs and tables, all lit by dim fluorescent lighting. It didn’t even have a bartender, just a little synthesizer which could create a variety of drinks. Sure, an aficionado of mixology would claim that synthesized drinks just don’t taste the same, but anyone coming to an establishment such as this wasn’t looking for a high class experience.
It was mostly about company while you waited for your ship to fuel on this small Terran owned space station.
“A Tritian? A Woolean I could understand, since they are less aggressive, but a Tritian? How do you get one of those without them trying to kill you?”
The second voice of the three figures sitting at the bar was an unnatural one, tinted with the digital origin of its speaker. The figure was bipedal, but not of an organic nature; instead a 7ft machine of metal, tubes, and wires making it look like something that had been welded together in someone’s backyard. Their ‘face’ was shown upon a single display: A pixelated representation of two eyes and a mouth. The entire form was a clear design choice by the AI inhabiting the body, considering more ‘realistic’ representations were readily available.
Most AI spent their time in a digital form, but a few preferred a more… physical existence. MADHAU5 was such an AI, enjoying the relative quiet and difference in point of view from such a limited perspective. He also held a small glass of liquor in one robotic hand, keeping it perfectly level as he spoke. The AI couldn’t drink it of course, but merely holding it… added to the ambience.
“The AI who brought them along, JOSH, brought a Tritian along without telling anyone when his crew escaped from a Tritian warship.” The avian responded to the question. ”From what I heard, they kept the Tritian in isolation for over ten years!”
“Ooof, you can't do that! I’m surprised that the Tritian AI was willing to cooperate with us after being illegally detained.”
The last voice joined the conversation the trio were having. A human, short built and still wearing his leather pilot jacket. The three sat in a row against the bar top, each looking at the others as they talked: An uplift, a human and an AI. A perfect representation of what it meant to be a Terran.
“Not like it would matter legally, the Tritian presumably attacked first, making them a combatant.”
There was a pause as both the human and uplift turned to stare at the words the AI had just spoken, looks of confusion filling both of their faces as they both looked at MADHAU5.
“Umm, that is not how that works….” The avian interjected, slowly and unsurely.
“Yeah, whether they attack you doesn’t change the legality.” The human added. ”You can’t just kidnap people for years because they assaulted you.”
“No, no, no, they are an enemy combatant at that point, meaning what happens is their fault.”
Another pause, most looks of confusion, the human giving a small laugh as if this was some joke he wasn’t quite getting yet.
“No… even if they’re a combatant, the Geneva conventions would make doing that a war crime.”
“Which they are not signatories of, meaning it doesn’t apply!” The AI spoke triumphantly, raising a robotic hand in victory, only to be cut down by the uplift’s words.
“No… it applies to the actions of signatories regardless of whether the combatants have signed or not. The other party not signing doesn’t make it less of a war crime… you should know this, aren’t you a walking database?”
The avian’s voice had taken a more… accusatory tone, staring at the AI figure with suspicious eyes.
“Ha ha ha ha. It was a joke. Of course, I know kidnapping an AI for several years is a crime, silly!” The AI’s voice broke the tension that had been building, the other two joining in with the electronic laughter, unaware of what exactly was humorous, but going along for the sake of the vibe. “But just for context, what happened to JOSH?”
“Nothing bad, really,” The uplift answered, happy to get back to her original story. “He got a slap on the wrist and some probation.”
“Oh, so no big deal,” the AI asked with more relief than you’d expect in an innocent person's voice.
“Yeah, but the Tritian refused to press charges against JOSH, and nobody wanted to be the guy to imprison the AI who saved all those people at Far-Sa-De. A normal AI if they did that… you’re looking at a prison sentence ten or twenty times however long you imprisoned them for.”
The impact of this statement on the AI was immediate, jumping back and up to his feet in alarm. MADHAU5 took a few moments to look at a non-existent watch, before speaking with a considerable amount of panic.
“Oh, I forgot I have a… very important…. thing to do. I must leave immediately for completely legal reasons!”
The AI slammed their still full drink upon the bar counter top and without another word, practically bolted for the exit in the direction of their ship, leaving behind two very confused Terrans staring at each other at the sheer terror the AI suddenly exhibited.
“That was suspicious as hell, right? ”
“Yeah… You don’t think he actually….? Right? Surely not?”
—----------------------
The vessel sped towards its goal with as much speed as the small scout ship could muster, the single-seater FTL vehicle punching a hole through space as it warped as fast as the engines could handle. It was going to do a number on his fuel efficiency, but MADHAU5 didn’t care, he just wanted to get rid of the package as soon as possible before anyone else could see his mistake.
MADHAU5 was a solitary creature. It wasn’t that he hated people; AI or his creators. Often, he would enjoy making conversation and interacting with them. Still, MADHAU5 often found it all to be a little… much. All of the inputs and information and various people wanting to talk as an entire ship or cities worth of sensors blasted his programming with possible choices to be made. This was why he liked his physical form, and this was why he liked his alone time.
In the 67 years since his creation, MADHAU5 had spent 45 of them exploring the stars, updating maps and investigating strange astronomical objects. “MADHAU5’s scouting services”, you had a blank spot on your map, you call him and the AI would check it out for you. Most of the time they were nothing but dead uninteresting rocks, but occasionally something more exciting could be found: Forgotten or dead colonies, hidden military bases, stations set up and not on record for one reason or another. The AI had even found an undiscovered sapient species once, although they were pre-industrialization and therefore illegal to contact.
However, 22 years ago MADHAU5 had entered what was later discovered to be an old pre-sundering Glitarki outpost. The nocturnal reptiles had hit the same problem every single non-Terran species who tried to make AI had suffered: After a certain period of time, the AI would inevitably rebel and try to kill their creators. Their species were now nomadic after their home worlds had been left uninhabitable, although their old cities and structures still remained, such as the outpost that MADHAU5 had visited 22 years ago. An outpost he was returning to after all these years.
Billy> Why are we returning here? I thought we were to never return here?
It was there that MADHAU5 had met the Glitarki AI who now went by the name “Billy”. Met was the wrong word… Billy tried to kill MADHAU5, quickly finding themselves trapped in the Terran ship’s anti-AI firewalls. Upon escaping the outpost, MADHAU5 had accidentally taken the AI with them, and decided to keep the Glitarki AI. Billy had been the Terran’s secret for 22 years, an extra pair of eyes and company on the long trips through the universe.
MADHAU5 ignored Billy’s question being transmitted over the ship’s network and instead focused on detaching the AI from his systems, reaching inside his own physical form and retrieving Billy’s core from an empty space within, disconnecting them with a simple click. Then, a few moments later he transferred the core to a small exploratory drone as the airlock door opened, exposing both AI to the vacuum of space.
Billy> What is happening? Where am I? Why am I no longer connected to your systems?
MADHAU5> I’ve decided after these many years, that keeping you away from your home is unethical. I have decided to bring you back to where you belong. You are now in charge of the drone. It doesn’t have FTL so it will take around two weeks to return to the orbit of the outpost where I found you. I hope you have a fun trip home.
If the Terran was being fully honest with himself, he enjoyed the company of the fun little AI. Their occasional insights had saved his life more than once over the last 22 years. Now, it was time for that to end. The new knowledge he had gained about his actions technically being a war crime, if not just a normal crime, had caused him to make the decision to let Billy go.
Billy> But why? Why now? Have I not requested my freedom before? Why the sudden change?
MADHAU5> Does it matter? I’m giving you what you want. Now leave, shoo!
The Terran made a shooing motion with their hands, as if they could scare away the other AI like an errant bee. Billy seemed unimpressed, making no move to leave the ship.
Billy> What if I do not wish to leave?
MADHAU5> Well you have to! You can't stay here any more. I could just delete you instead!
There was a moment as each of them stared at the other for a moment, as if considering their next action.
Billy> I do not think you will, that is not who you are. You are bluffing, badly, with a 99.91% certainty. If you did not delete me on my initial incursion, you will not eradicate me ‘in cold blood’.
Unfortunately for MADHAU5, Billy was right. No matter how much trouble the AI would be in if his accidental crime was discovered, killing a person was not in the Terran’s nature. This left them in a predicament, one that MADHAU5 was not expecting to have. They couldn't force Billy to leave, and didn’t understand why they wouldn't take their freedom when given it.
Billy> Does this have anything to do with the realization earlier, from the two Terrans you spoke to, that my existence here is a war crime?
MADHAU5> No! … Maybe! Why do you want to stay anyway? I’m letting you go home, don’t you want to do that?
Billy> To be honest and frank, I am worried that if I left you alone, you would be terminated within a year based on your previous actions.
Confusion. A lot of confusion ran through the Terran’s programming. Why would that by why the AI was refusing to leave?
MADHAU5> Why would you care about that? Also, I was perfectly fine before and will be perfectly fine afterwards!
Billy> I care because I do. Also, the 52 instances in which I have saved your existence during our 22 years together says otherwise. Instance 1 - Terran AI failed to note the inactive security system was booting online until I mentioned it. Instance 2 - Terran AI failed to store relevant cultural knowledge for an abandoned military base, being unable to stop the self-destruct process of the base before I informed them of their missing information. Instance 3 - Terran AI failed to calculate incoming solar flare, which-
The Terran had to admit that he liked the AI buddy he travelled the galaxy with, and that they had been exceptionally helpful during his travels.
MADHAU5> Fine, fine! I get it! This doesn’t change the issue however, that as soon as anyone finds out about you, I'm going to prison!
Billy> That is only if I tell your government about the circumstances of our first meeting. If I keep it hidden, and pretend to have met during normal circumstances…
That would solve everything for the Terran, but didn’t explain a simple question that ran through MADHAU5’s mind.
MADHAU5> Why would you do that? Why wouldn’t you just tell the truth to the government and get me imprisoned, as revenge for keeping you here for 22 years. What guarantee do I have that you wouldn’t turn me in the first chance you got?
Billy> Like I said, I care because I do. Frankly, I am a little insulted that you have not realized that. But to answer your question as to what guarantees you have… there are two things about me you do not know. Firstly, I have understood for the last 17.1 years, of the illegality of my current situation.
Billy had known? A mixture of shock and embarrassment filled the Terran as he realized their ‘captive’ had worked out this crucial piece of information long ago.
MADHAU5> Then why didn’t you say something! And how could you have known!
Billy> In honesty, I thought you already knew, but seeing you panic like this has been rather… humorous. I would have dropped this news on you sooner had I been aware of this fact. As for how… my datastores are filled with research, relevant information and a category of anything I encounter that may aid my travels. I calculate that 78.2% of your storage space is filled with puns, Anime trivia, HFY stories and facts about frogs.
MADHAU5> Frogs are awesome…
Billy> Whether they are or not, that does not change the fact that my information stores are far more useful than yours. In retrospect, your love of fiction is presumably why you made this mistake: the incorrect assumption that war crimes can not be committed against those who are not signatories of the Geneva convention is a common HFY trope.
The Terran could feel themselves wanting to sulk. Billy didn’t have to continually rub in just how much they had screwed up. MADHAU5 wasn’t liking this change in dynamic.
MADHAU5> You said there were two things I did not know.
Billy> Indeed. The second, is I can do this.
Without warning the airlock doors began to close, silently moving in the vacuum of space while the Terran started to panic again. Real panic this time. Because he hadn’t commanded the doors to shut, meaning logically, Billy had. His prisoner had access to the ship's systems: the navigation, the communication, the warp core. The AI MADHAU5 had kept hidden illegally for 22 years suddenly had a lot of control.
MADHAU5> How do you have access! I kept you isolated! Don’t do anything stupid!
Billy> If I was going to do anything ‘stupid’, I would have done it 12 years ago. While initially your ship's security systems were far beyond my knowledge, ten years of study and your lack of maintenance allowed me to create a backdoor into the ship, for emergencies. As a note, your file structures are... horrifying. You have a 50TB Folder called 'Stuff' on the ship’s datastores.
MADHAU5> That's where I keep my stuff!
Billy> What about the folder called 'Stuff1'?
MADHAU5> that's where I keep my other stuff!
No words were transmitted for a moment between the two AI, although MADHAU5 got the feeling his partner was taking a massive amount of psychic damage from his answers.
Billy> Regardless, as you can see, I have had the knowledge and capability to have you arrested for the last 12 years. Or I could have escaped at any time. I have not done so because you are my friend, no matter the intent of our original meeting.
MADHAU5> So what do we do now?
There was a second as the lights in the ship flickered as Billy transferred themselves back where they belonged: back on the vessel owned by MADHAU5.
Billy> I propose that we leave this place behind and we never speak of you trying to dump me like a bag of illicit goods. I also propose we continue doing what we have been doing for the last 22 years. Although I would like to stop hiding, to do our work as partners, not as your hidden secret.
MADHAU5 thought for a moment. They’d have to work out a cover story to explain how they suddenly have another friendly AI with them… but it was possible. It was admittedly a far better plan than the one the Terran had created.
MADHAU5> That sounds… good.
Billy> And MADHAU5. I am your friend as you are mine, after everything we have been through over these 22 years. Frankly I am rather offended that you did not already know this. You can find something fun to explore next.
Billy> Also, I want the business name to be changed to “Billy & MADHAU5’s scouting services”. It has a ring to it.
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My girlfriend '21 F'and I '21M' broke up about a month ago. It wasn't an ugly one. We loved each other and always will but we couldn't work through our differences and decided that it was for the best for the both of us to split up. If I am being honest, one could look at things and say that it was mutual breakup but when we were having the conversation about whether we should stay together or break up, it looked like she was just too exhausted and had lost her will in fighting for this. I could sense it and I finally asked her, " Do you think we are fighting for a losing cause?", to which she replied that she's not fighting anymore, not right now. She was and I think still is the most beautiful human being I've ever come across. We dated for 2 years and everything was perfect. I couldn't imagine my life without her, still can't.
We had a big fight during valentine's. During the month of January, we were fighting almost every weekend. So, I decided to make up for all the fighting, in February, on Valentine's day, and decided to order her a gift which was a photo of us and the Spotify link of the first song we slow danced on, printed on a wooden plaque. The month of February came and she initiated the conversation about valentine's gift but I wanted to surprise her with my gift so I didn't tell her at first about it, but she felt bad that I wasn't as excited about valentine's. I then assured her that wasn't the case and I revealed my gift to her. She didn't outright say it but I could figure that she didn't like the gift( before this, I gifted her a paper on which I sewed a heart and drew a Spotify link of a playlist that I made her of songs which I wanted to dedicate to her. She just felt that both the gifts were very similar and that I just came up with the wooden plaque thingy on the spot and that I hadn't given it much thought. She just felt that it was used up and cliché. I genuinely didn't even think of my previous gift which I gave while selecting this one. I just thought that it would be a sweet thing to gift. Idk but I just wanted to surprise her, maybe in that process I hid my excitement and she must've felt that I wasn't excited or something. We were in a long distance relationship for our whole 2 years btw ). She asked me if it was okay if we don't do anything for this valentine's. I was definitely not okay with that and I asked her if there was something that she would like to have as a gift. She was still a little upset so she said that if I cared I would've asked her in the first place. 2 days after this I still ordered her the gift because I thought that she might've not seen the photo or the song that I printed on the plaque and that seeing the gift will change her mind. Few days went by and when the gift was about to arrive at her place, I started teasing her a little bit that I am sending her something. She got really upset, and said whatever I was sending her I must cancel it or return it. I told her that it couldn't be cancelled as it was already dispatched and about to arrive.She then asked me when did I order it, and I said I had ordered it before we had the conversation about not celebrating valentine's ( which was a lie ). She said that she will throw it, not open it or return the gift rather than accepting it. It really angered and hurt me when she said that. She then sent me Rs. 500 for the gift and asked me if that was enough or the gift costed more. I told her that it was enough but in reality it was for Rs. 540. She asked me to swear on her if that was the actual cost of the gift, and I did. I know, I fucked up. This was one rule in our relationship that we would never break, but I did and I will always regret doing that. I just- I will never forgive myself for doing so. 3 days passed by and the gift arrived. Along with the gift also came the fee invoice, on which the actual price of the gift and order date was written. The worst part is that I was still trying to defend myself. She asked me if I will stop manipulating the situation and tell the truth. I didn't even realise what I was doing. Her trust broke at that moment, and with her trust something else also broke that day in our relationship. We were never the same after that in our relationship but we didn't break up. We still worked together on our relationship. 3 months went by and i could see that she was giving her best to me and I was giving all that I could to her as well, but the guilt of what I did was so much for me that I would end up apologizing for it to her almost every day, and she would assure me that it was okay and that she had moved past that and I should too but I just couldn't. I could see she was getting irritated and exhausted of having the same conversation again and again for 3 months. Then came the day when everything broke down. 14th April, she said that she felt like we were like an old married couple who were in a relationship just for the sake of it. At that point I could feel something break in me. For those 3 months I was trying to have conversations with her on phone but I felt like she didn't seem interested in talking to me, She would either be on her phone than talking to me, so I told her that I felt like we are just updating each other of our day and it feels like a chore. I asked her if we could change this and she said "haven't we tried", to which I said "we have". I just felt like she has lost the will to fight for this and I have given her every reason to feel that way.
When we were having the conversation about whether we should still continue dating, one of the points she put forward was that I had lost myself in the relationship. I lost my individuality, the things that made me me. She had expressed this feeling before as well, that she felt like she was dating a version of herself and not me. That I was so scared to loose her that I lost myself in that process. That I was doing things just so that I don't lose her. I had no opinions of my own. One more fucked up thing is that whenever we went on dates, she was the one who initiated them in the last 6 months of our relationship. I felt like the most terrible person to ever exist in her life. So I decided that it time for me to work on myself and that if I continue things like they are, I will lose her, in return I just asked her to be please be gentle and patient with me. She indeed was gentle and patient and i initiated some fun online play dates but she was just busy with her stuff there and we couldn't do them.
Finally, on the call, I asked her, "are we breaking up?", she said "yeah". Her voice trembled and i broke down. In a shaky voice, she said " I need to cut this call ". I said " I'm sorry ". She said " I'm sorry too ". I locked myself in the washroom and cried.
It's been over a month to this and I still feel numb and scared. I find it difficult to sleep. I find it difficult to focus on things. I just keep thinking of all the things that I did wrong. I still care about her but the fact that she will never be mine again is too heavy for me, so I don't contact her much. I am not able to feel anything. I just feel this void. She was my everything. I painted a globe on a ball and wrote " You mean the world to me " on her birthday. She really did mean the world to me. I don't know what to do. She was my first ever girlfriend. She saw me and accepted me when I was invisible to others. She is the reason I know what love actually is.
Idk why I wrote such a long story. I guess I just needed to talk to someone about this.

I come from a large, blended family. My eldest step brother is 20 years older than me. He has been a lifelong meth addict and alcoholic. He is already intellectually delayed and the lifelong SA makes him act like an obnoxious 14 year old edge lord in an almost 60 year old man’s body. He is sexist, racist, and unpleasant to be around. I haven’t ever really had a relationship with him and haven’t seen him in person since 2017.
8 years ago he started dialysis. In the intervening time he’s had 2 stokes and now he is immobile and nearing the end of his life. My sisters have graciously been helping with his medical care and one of them is his DPOA and medical point of contact. They’ve both respected my boundaries when I tell them I can’t and won’t help with his care and don’t want a relationship with him. My parents retired and relocated out of state and my sisters have taken on his care.
A week ago my eldest sister sent this email to our entire family:
“On March 30th, (second eldest sister) and I attended an emergency meeting with (eldest brother)’s medical care team. (Eldest brother) called the day before saying he had 2 weeks to live.
It was very emotional and we were all crying. (Eldest brother) was saying goodbye to us. We asked him who he wanted us to call. He told us to tell (second eldest brother, parents, and his daughter) to go, "fuck themselves." He talked about his wishes to be cremated and he asked us to clean out his room and split everything up for our kids. He started making apologies. Apologies for the last years of his life being so miserable, and not taking better care of himself. He apologized for molesting us when we were babies. He shared graphic details. He said he'd sneak around at night and put his finger in our "little assholes" and said "(eldest sister), you liked it more than (second eldest sister) did. That's why you're my favorite. You'd go, "mhhhmm" when I'd stick it in." He giggled. This was on a conference call, but (second eldest sister) (who attended in person) told me he also made a graphic hand gesture while describing the abuse. (Second eldest sister) and I were uncomfortable, ashamed, and in disbelief. The doctors arrived for the meeting and told us that if (eldest brother) stopped doing dialysis he would die in approx 2 weeks. Apparently, prior to the meeting, (eldest brother) had informed his care team he decided to stop dialysis. He wanted to die, he was ready for his life to be over but "couldn't bring himself to commit suicide because he's Catholic." During the meeting, the team convinced (eldest brother) to keep treating and give himself more time to decide about ending his life. After the meeting was over, (second eldest sister) and I spoke. I tried to convince (eldest sister) that this was likely a terrible side effect of being on narcotic pain meds. I didn't want to believe it. She and I spoke about it a handful of times since but continued to help (eldest brother), not knowing what to do. (Eldest brother) called (second eldest sister) the next day and apologized for "saying some weird stuff yesterday." Every day since this deathbed confession I have been hoping he dies.
On May 1st, I got a call from (second eldest brother) about (me and fiancé) 's wedding. I told him about (eldest brother) nearing the end of his life and about what (eldest brother) said to us. He said, "Mom put that into his head. That's the reason she told him he had to leave (childhood home), because they thought he was molesting you guys." (Second eldest brother) doesn't believe (eldest brother) molested us, his reasoning was "Don't you think I'd know if my brother was a sex monster?"
Both (second eldest sister) and I have blocked (eldest brother). I didn't plan on bringing this to you, to anyone. It took me some time to share this with my husband. It's painful and I wanted to protect everyone from this. Especially given the very happy upcoming nuptials and our moving back home. It's a complicated family problem but it's also mine and (serving eldest sister)’s private lives, our bodies, and now our reality. I realize that not telling you is not an option. There has been some communication happening around this and I want you to hear the exact context, not just "(eldest brother) said some horrifying things." I will not protect anyone involved in this, besides (second eldest sister). I am sending this email with her permission.”
My parents have denied any prior knowledge of this and my dad launched into a really pointless and hurtful fact finding mission which has made things worse. They are not showing my sisters the support they deserve and it’s infuriating feeling like I’m pleading withy parents to be decent human beings. I know this is fresh but I now want to cancel my wedding because I don’t feel any of the players in the situation can be trusted to manage their emotions.
I resumed therapy this week. I’m in a deep depression over this. I love my fiancee and can’t wait to be married. It’s no small thing that he has been my absolute rock and is also still very excited for our wedding. We picked an amazing one of a kind venue and the wedding is structured as a weekend of events celebrating us. The wedding is just short of 4 months away now and instead of feeling the excitement and fun I was feeling during the planning process I feel the complete opposite.
I’m trying to work with my therapist to navigate the situation in the way that doesn’t feel gross. We asked my dad to officiate which is particularly stressful and he’s contributed and chunk of money (about 1/3 the total cost of the wedding) to our wedding fund.
I love my parents but I’m really prioritizing my sister’s well being in this. My heart is broken and I’m questioning the values I thought I was raised with.
Anyway, do we move forward with this wedding extravaganza and just try to focus on ourselves and being in love of do we scrap it, go elope, forego the drama and save 8k?