Note : English isn't my first language so sorry for any misspellings. Feel free to point any and I'll correct them.
So. Since I was diagnosed in December, I am on sick leave and had to stop my uni year (I'll start it over come September).
It was hard to accept it because damn, epilepsy ? Out of all things ?? And now I can barely have a semblance of normalcy because I can't study and can't work, and barely see my friends because they are busy ?
But oh well, it'll get better someday.
January and February were shit months because we (the health team and I) were trying to find the right medicine dosage. But despite that, I was cool with it. After all I can't expect things to be smooth when dealing with epilepsy.
But oh well, it'll get better. Someday.
I made efforts in my lifestyle : go to sleep and wake up at the same hours ( I had a messed up sleep schedule before), try to eat three regular meals a day, try to move my body regularly. Sure I could do better, but at least I'm trying.
Saying that on a psychological point of view I'm doing fine is a lie. Sometimes I'm alright, sometimes I want to cry a damn river and sometimes I want to break everything because what the fuck, epilepsy ?? No one has epilespy in my family ! Where the fuck does it come from ?? It's so damn unfair !
The worst, is my family.
SEVERAL times I've told them I can't deal with epilepsy, MY stress and MY feelings about it AND deal with THEIR worries.
SEVERAL times I've told them I don't want to hear them criticise what I eat or do : "You had a seizure today ? Well, if you haven't gone to sleep late last night perhaps it would have been avoided" ; "Are you sure you want to get out ? What if you have a seizure in the middle of the street ?" ; "Don't drink caffeine !" or a variant "If you drink caffeine and have a seizure, don't complain." (I barely drink coffee, and whatever caffeine I get is through soda such as Coca Cola, and then again I don't drink much of it).
I am so fucking sick of it.
They think they know better than I do, as if they have the whole epilepsy thing figured out, as if I'm supposed to quietly accept all the lifestyle changes as if it was the most easiest thing in the world. Sure, sometimes I tell them 'hey I think this or that is a trigger' but then later I tell them that, this or that aren't triggers, I was just wrong, but they don't hear that. For them, this or that ARE triggers, as if they can guess before I do what my triggers are based on what they read on Internet.
I'm twenty-one, damn ! I want to go see my friends and spend an evening dinning with them or chilling out ! I want to just say fuck it and not think about it for a day ! Even a few hours would be fine !
But I don't because at the back of my mind there is alway my worries about what if I have a seizure in the middle of the street ? Am I careful enough ? And what would my family say about it if they learn I haven't been careful ?
Sure, I completely understand that seeing a loved one having a seizure is hard for them.
But if it's hard for them, then what is it for me ?
I have a feeling that sooner or later I'm going to explode right in their face and break something, but I know that if I do, they'll give me worse.
So yeah, epilepsy sucks, but sometimes my family even more.

I (25M) matched with a girl (24F) on hinge. We were texting each other once every day or so for just over a week then organised to go on a date. The date went great - she did mention that she has accounting exams coming up soon with her job so she was going to be busy the next couple of months. But we both had a great time and I had no doubts we wanted to see eachother again after the date - she even gave me her umbrella to take home as it was raining and she got a taxi home.
We continued texting once a day - finding out more in common and I mentioned that I’m a fan of Mexican food and she said she is too and she said that could be our next date idea. She then asked when I was free and I booked a restaurant (2 weeks after the first date as she was busy due to a family wedding the weekend after the first date). She also mentioned that as it’s September now, it’s go time in terms of revision.
We met up at the restaurant and the date went fine, again no doubts and lots in common. She mentioned that due to a health condition she doesn’t like to drink alcohol when it’s super hot so she ordered a mocktail instead with her food.
We then went to a rooftop bar afterwards which I’d booked as the weather was really warm. When we got to the rooftop, the girl said it feels hotter up here than it does downstairs (which it did) and she asked me to push a button on my side of the table (I think she assumed it may have been connected to a fan). But when I pushed the button the outdoor heaters turned on which was quite embarrassing and the people in the bar started laughing. I laughed too but it did throw me off and make me feel awkward. The girl did apologise to me and them and was laughing too.
But we sat down and continued chatting - I felt the conversation wasn’t flowing as well due to the awkwardness but there were no awkward silences. I ordered a cocktail but the menu was a little limited for mocktails - I did ask her if she wanted to go somewhere else but she said don’t worry it’s ok. She ended up just having water.
Once i finished my drink, she said she’s going to head off so we walked to the train station together - we didn’t stay at the rooftop for very long. I was still feeling awkward as the last part of the date didn’t go how I’d hoped but I asked if she wanted to go out again and she said yeah definitely so I gave her a quick kiss and said bye.
I messaged her on instagram while I was on my way home and just gave her my phone number and said let me know when you’re home.
She texted me that evening and said ‘hey thanks for dinner tonight - honestly next time you have to let me get the bill! It was v good to see you again. Hope you got home okay x’.
I replied that Thursday evening and said ‘hey no worries it’s all good, but you’re organising the next one’. She then reacted to that message with a little heart on Saturday and said ‘how’s your Saturday been, sorry for the late reply been super busy my sister is visiting😂’ - she did mention that her sister was visiting before we went on the second date. I replied on the Sunday with general convo. She replied on the Monday as usual, being communicative, telling me about her weekend and all the things she did and also asking me more about what I was doing. She also said ‘so not a productive weekend in terms of revision😭’
I replied on the Tuesday, making general conversation again. I didn’t hear back from her on Wednesday, Thursday (which was when I started to get anxious) or Friday. I assumed she had a busy week with work and revision so I’d hear back Friday evening. I also noticed that at some point after the second date she changed one of her prompts on her hinge dating profile - a small change from ‘give me travel tips to Thailand’ to ‘give me travel tips to Miami’. She didn’t update any pictures or anything else and as we’d only been out twice I’m guessing this is normal? She also mentioned on the second date that she’d booked her Miami holiday.
I still didn’t hear back from her and then made a massive mistake Saturday morning and sent her another message which said ‘if you weren’t interested why not just say. You’re a bit of an arsehole to say you wanna go out again, pay and all that then just ignore me’. She responded an hour and a half later and said ‘I wasn’t trying to ignore you - I was genuinely busy this week. But you calling me an arsehole is so uncalled for and tbh I don’t want to see someone who’s going to call me names so I’d rather just call it a day’. I called to try and apologise but she didn’t pick up so I messaged ‘I get you’re busy with exams. Like I fully understand that but it takes 2 seconds to say hey I’m busy right now I’ll get back to you. Tbh it comes across like you’re not interested and a bit rude. So I’m sorry I called you an arsehole but I called you as I wanted to chat to you quickly’. She replied and said ‘sorry missed your call - I’m out. Yeah fairs I get that but the exams are my priority. I feel like I’ve said what I need to say and think it’s just best if we leave it here’. I messaged again trying to sort it out but she didn’t reply. I gave it three weeks and apologised more sincerely and she said it’s all good no hard feelings but she’s got a lot on right now so she doesn’t think it would be best to give it a second chance. I said if it’s the exams I don’t mind if you wanna speak again after they’re all done, but she didn’t reply to that message.
I reached out again after a couple months as I saw her on the same dating app and her profile was updated with new pictures and she said she just doesn’t see this going anywhere and good luck with everything - she then blocked me. I’m assuming she was finished with her exams by this point.
I fully understand that I was completely in the wrong with the way I reacted and I’ve learnt the lesson and won’t ever speak to anyone like that again - I regret it so much because I could see myself liking her and she honestly seemed like the most perfect girl, although we only went on 2 dates and spoke for a month. But do you think it was me calling her an arsehole that caused her to end it (completely valid if so) or if she just wasn’t feeling it before this and I gave her an easy way out?

The thing about this climate crisis that no one talks about is that economically, this is not new. This is the same sort of shift as any other massive economic shift we've seen in history, whether resulting from technology or environment or society or any combination of the three. It will be rapid; as rapid as the economic expansion of Europe when it discovered just how profitable colonisation and slavery were. But it's not really anything unseen in an economic sense.
How markets work is this: everything is just supply and demand. If there is a known demand for something, in a roundabout way, the market will ensure that demand is supplied. It might melt a few glaciers in the meantime, or be delayed by a war or two, but it's a force akin to that of nature, or evolution, or cause and effect. The markets will balance. Eventually.

A detour through history

The Chinese never developed eye-glasses. They didn't have the need for glass, because their drink of choice was tea, so the materials they worked with were mostly ceramics. In Europe, the cultural drink of refinement was wine. This didn't need to be kept hot, or be brewed and poured perfectly and all that stuff I'm told is important with tea. But it had requirements and qualities of its own, and one of them is that it looks pretty on display -- and that's why Europe developed and refined glass so much faster than China.
Glass is an incredibly old invention. It's fragile, much more fragile than pottery, so we rarely find it in archeological digs. But it's been invented in and/or expanded to many many cultures throughout history since at least 2000 BC in Egypt, Mesopotamia, and Syria, followed by the Greeks, the Romans, the Canaan, and the Persians. Basically anyone with an empire, including the Chinese, was making glass. Unfortunately they'd only just discovered transparent glass by the late Bronze Age, when the Bronze Age collapsed due to a series of environmental, migratory and urban changes.
(A good reminder that historically, periods of mass technological advancement are followed by civilisation collapses and dark ages. Until the present, of course. But that's been true of every present.)
A lot of glass-making technology was lost, but some important things were saved and some new stuff was rediscovered, and most of this discovering happened in Europe because they had, as I mentioned, wine. And rich people wanted to show off their pretty, colourful wine, and that only worked if your glass was transparent. And Italy had access to pure silica quartz, plus soda ash via their trade with the Levant, and so some clever spark there developed the first pair of eyeglasses.
And that's how you have Mecca, Italy and Venice (the latter of whom had been producing the famous Venetian glass, but moved all their glassmakers to Italy because they'd built all their buildings out of wood) all mass producing eye-glasses with consistent standards for Europe and the Middle East by the 14th century.
This might seem like a small development, but gradual loss of sight used to be a disability. Like, it seriously disabled people from doing many things. Far-sightedness meant artisans couldn't create and scholars couldn't read -- I can't even imagine how many people died falling off a horse just because they were short-sighted. For civilisations to have access to devices that got them decades of productivity out of some of the most skilled people in their societies was massive. And that's part of how you get European dominance over Asia, because the Chinese economic powerhouses didn't care about glass as much as Europe did. It's not enough to just invent something. To develop a technology, a society needs both the resources to play with and the need to play with it. That's why we get so much advancement from war. You can thank Germany for your microwave.

How on earth is this relevant to the market or our climate crisis?

Glass will be invented, and then it will be forgotten, and then it will be invented again. But only some economies flourished from it.
We have no control over anything but us. And that's terrifying. The climate change that crippled the Bronze Age wasn't even their fault and they still got thrown back to the Dark Ages.
We are going to see our own change in the market. We are going to live it. And one thing is true, whether National or ACT or BP like it or not: fossil fuels cannot continue to be relied upon as a commodity. Not long-term. It's a dying industry, slowly but surely, and it'll die whether we manage to wean ourselves off petrol or whether we use it all up first.
To a lesser extent, this is true of other non-renewables too. We are not at critical mass yet with our lithium-ion batteries, but we're now at the stage where people in the third world all seem to have cellphones. This is not a sustainable practice for a limited metal we have to mine from the earth. When something is running out, we don't have to stop using that material in the things we build; if we start to use it all up, it will soon get too expensive to build with, and that will stop us.
And that's why we have to stop using it: because if you as a country or industry pour all your energy and resources into developing technology based off that now-scarce resource, you will be left with no usable technology when that resource runs out.

What are National doing?

This is a political sub, so I won't mince words: something's gone wrong with National. Something's always been wrong with ACT, but National's change is recent. Power has been centralised in the board and the candidate selection process is no longer in the hands of the rank and file after Steven Joyce's shakeup, instead dominated by corporate interests. And they have dominated. We have a cabinet of lobbyists, and not just on National's side of the board; Luxon has pulled together the whole industry.
When we attribute "intentions" to things like forces and political parties, it can be easy to forget there's not a concerted, rational mind at play behind their decisions, and their actions are influenced by all of the people and factors and forces that make them up. When I say, "National has been bought by lobbyists", I don't mean every single person in the party is a corporate shill. I just mean that there is enough corporate, business, and big-money influence in the party that they are no longer being governed primarily by their voter base or even their party members.
Nothing makes this more obvious than National's direction in politics. When your LABOUR and GREEN parties are the ones proposing to fix your climate crisis via free-market ingenuity that we can patent, sell on and capitalise off, something has gone wrong. There is money to be made in climate change, and National are off chasing oil down the bottom of a well.
If we don't wean ourselves off fossil fuels, we will find ourselves paying for it the increased price for them when we don't have the green technology to utilise at the end of supply. If we don't put our minds to green tech and science, we won't have the environment-saving and cleaning and reinforcing products and knowledge to sell on when the demand for them peaks through the ceiling -- instead we will be buying from other countries at big prices, paying to ship their experts here to tell us how to manage our estuaries or dump sites or skink habitats or whatever it is we need to fix next. New Zealand got lucky with our green energy; we were already using renewables by sheer coincidence when the climate crisis struck, and it made our transition to this new world very smooth. We will not be that lucky again.
Look at what we produce as a country. We held on far too long to our wool market out of some idea that it was "what we were supposed to be doing", and it nearly wrecked the country. Because it took us so long to change, and because we'd converted all our land into pasture, the most effective market for us to turn to became beef. Now that market is thriving, and we are willfully ignoring the real economic costs that will come with being a beef export country, and that cost is methane. There is not a future where countries will be allowed to emit methane for free. And there are no methane-light cows to switch to. Not until we develop them.
And this is what people talk about when they talk about environmental solutions still to be developed -- as if other people are going to develop them. That is incorrect. WE are the Cow Country. WE are the ones that should be foremost of the cow-fart field. If we do, we will be the ones benefitting by selling our bio-engineered cows and our science that made it happen. But if we don't, if we trail behind, we let other countries get out in front, and then our industry relies on them, and their industry outgrows us.
And these are all individual product or problem examples, but we are dragging our feet across the entire green industry. Why?

Big Oil does not care if your tech is Green

I say big oil, but there are other anti-environment and pro-corporate interests at play here. And again, there's not some big puppetmaster moving his pawn pieces, but there is influence, and companies don't want the world to go green, because when they do, they stop getting money for all the things they're getting money from right now. They don't care about the environment because they don't have the capacity to care; they are not a they. They are a force, a conglomeration, a hivemind of workers breaking their back for the company, until they clock off and become their own person again.
Their only interest is keeping ahold of their incredibly profitable market, and that market needs machines that use oil, and consumers willing to buy those machines, and people who aren't thinking about switching to a non-oil version of their tractor that doesn't exist yet (because no one has found the need to invent it. Or had the right resources.)
Oil cares about oil. Mining cares about mining. Tobacco cares about tobacco. Beef cares about beef. And we get value out of these industries as a country, as a society, so when they say"This thing is bad for me", we do have to listen to that. Otherwise we won't get our beef, or our oil. But "This thing is bad for ME" isn't the same as "This thing is bad for YOU". And companies are relying on consumers to not know the difference.

Back to National

Tobacco lobbyists have bought out Parliament, and are literally drafting our tobacco laws. And they are just one interest around the table. But they have had a huge effect. Imagine what's happening to the interests of your politicians when you have your lobbyists working together. Imagine where the interests of lobbyists for mining and oil might meet. Now imagine fisheries has a guy in there too.
Our oceans should be feeling very nervous right now.
It's the small influences we can't see that make these big decisions later on. The people who select our future MPs. The people who decide, hey, I'm going to try this new glass technique. But it takes an awful lot of decisions to make a glassblowing society.
A lot of what we do, we don't do consciously, like developing eye-glasses. But the benefit of our open democries, of our information-based societies, of our unprecedented understanding of economies and markets and science and climate, should mean that when we choose to do something consciously, we can do it.
When we don't, something has gone wrong.

A Green Future

To get to the sort of green economy the non-business parties are picturing, you need someone who has the time and acumen to get us there.
That SHOULD be National. There is so much involved in politics; our politicians are running so much. And they're spending most of their time undoing the last guy's policies. Labour's policies sound like the Greens. National doesn't have any except "win". ACT are doing Charter Schools again. And the policies being made are being made in the interests of business people.
Our politicians don't have visions like Hollyoake of a New Zealand forging our own future, or Muldoon's determination to make things better for the average kiwi, or (heaven help me), Roger Douglass's respect for politics. None of the old guard are happy with how politics is shaping up, and certainly not the right, or who eventually became the right, in Douglass's case -- this is what he had to say on the subject: “John Key lived by the polls and it’s very dangerous. If you want to help people, you have to tell them the truth. The problem is that the politicians of today, they want to help themselves. So they poll in order to know what to say and it’s disgusting.”
I think in that one sentence, Douglass sums up everything wrong with the modern National Party. Once upon a time, National were in it to help people. They're not anymore.

Where to now?

It's all just markets.
If National won't change, they'll kill their market and they'll be replaced by a new party, just like the Liberal Party and Reform Party and Social Credit Party before them. National and Labour have always been around, but not always as these parties, or in these forms. The political spectrum will move to meet demand -- even when curtailed by corporate interests.
Or National will change, take control of their candidates and board, and live to fight for another century or so.
Either way, the economy will continue, and so will climate change. We will still need to develop new technologies using our available resources, and direct our technology-developing towards fixing environmental solutions. I hope New Zealand will benefit from this, and not just witness it. But if it's not National making the push, another political party will. We can see that happening right now, with the other parties suggesting their own green business ideas that National should be sweeping up votes for. There is voter and consumer demand for green businesses, and National are distracting us instead with shiny baubles because the corporations influencing them don't want you to see them.
Another thing Douglass was frustratingly right about: all our parties are doing at the moment is undoing each other's policies. It's hard to see New Zealand making any forwards progress at all if that's our direction.

The cases of Natália and Isadora

Natália Sampaio had a troubling raising, her parents were never married, and her family struggled financially. She initially lived with her grandmother from her mother side. But after reaching thirteen she went to live with her two brothers, who were farmworkers. When she was fifteen years old, she dropped from school. A move that both her brothers and her grandmother disapproved. She then started basically to spend more time out of home in Cumuruxatiba, which is a neighborhood in the small beachside municipality of Prado - Bahia, Brazil.
She then started to get involved with drugs and sadly, to sustain her addiction, relied in prostitution, a move that her family didn't know about. At the age of 16 she became acquaintance with Isabel Fernandes, who was 15 years old at that time. Isabel was also addicted and misguided by Sampaio, they started to do small thefts and also prostituted herself.
In April, 2021, Sampaio wanted to change her life and come clean, so she told her grandmother that she wanted to go back to school, also telling her, her wrongdoings. Her grandmother did something that she regrets until this very day, she didn't trust in her and told her granddaughter to seek her mother or her brothers for housing and support.
Late in April, both Fernandes and Sampaio went missing. They went to a Luau that oftens take place in the town, on the beaches. Some days later, Sampaio's remains were found on a river, strangled with a rope tied to a heavy stone. Fernandes remains and whereabouts are still unknown until this day, she is presumably deceased.

The cases of Erika and the Prado's Jane Doe

In June, 2021. Another female body was found in Jucuruçu River, the initial investigation believed it would be Fernandes remains, but after the autopsy, the woman could not be identified, it was in an advanced stage of decay, and from bones and teeth, they could only identify that the woman was in her early 30s, late 20s.
The woman was body's was found strangled in the neck with a rope, the rope was tied to a heavy stone. The woman identity's remains a unsolved mystery until this very day.
Erika Batista lived in Teixeira de Freitas a satellite town in the southern region of Bahia, she was eighteen years old, a Baptist and a student, in her High School sophomore year. In August, 2021. Batista asked her mother if she could go to a camping trip with a group of friends from her Church. Her mother, Leidiane Batista, initially declined, but moved by her daughter's plea, let her go. "Don't drink alcohol, don't have sex, don't go to parties", she told her daughter.
Her boyfriend at that time, Jhonatas Rocha, and an unnamed minor close friend also went with her. August 21th, they went to a boat trip in Jucuruçu River and then in the night they went to the beach and started a firecamp along with their group of friends. Walking at night on the beaches of Prado is something really common that both tourists and citizens regularly do. So the group often split, so duos or trios could roam through the beautiful scenario, featuring a full moon.
This would be the last time they would see Batista alive, as she and a her close friend went roaming through the beach. That friend of her was smitten by Batista and they both had a fling, but Batista was dismayed of betraying her boyfriend, so she and her friend had a little misunderstading. Batista was furious and told her that she wanted to go alone, a mistake that probably cost her life.
Three hours later, her boyfriend realized that her friend returned, but Batista didn't, so he went to look after her, only to find her 3 miles away, in the river's mouth, naked, strangled with a rope and the rope was tied to a stone. He could barely see someone fleeing the scene and he ran back to the group after, unsuccessfully trying to revive Batista.
The investigation never led to a suspect. All the cases remain unsolved.

Patterns and Concerns

• Modus Operandi: All victims were strangled with a rope, and their bodies were tied to heavy stones, suggesting a deliberate attempt to conceal the bodies in water.
• Victim Profile: The victims vary in age and background but share a common fate of being assaulted and disposed of in a similar manner.
• Geographical Consistency: All incidents occurred within the southern region of Bahia, particularly around Teixeira de Freitas and Prado.

My final thoughts

Three women killed in the same way, one missing. In the region of Teixeira de Freitas (which encompasses Prado), there is also an unsettling number of women disappearances (three in 2021, four in 2022, and five last year), and if their remains are ever found, they are always sexually assaulted, strangled to death. Then their bodies are tied to a rope and the rope is tied to heavy stone.
The consistent method of killing and disposing of bodies strongly suggests the work of a serial killer rather than a series of unrelated incidents. The increasing number of disappearances and the specific method of disposal point to a pattern that law enforcement should investigate thoroughly, which unfortunately, does not happen.
If by coincidence there is a copycat, which I don't think it is, I believe that there is a serial killer in the region and I have been documenting these cases and there are many similarities between the cases. I'll link some material, but they are in Brazilian Portuguese, just for reference.
Polícia investiga se jovem estrangulada e morta em praia do Prado foi estuprada
Morte misteriosa de adolescente comove e mobiliza vilarejo no sul da Bahia...
Adolescente que estava sumida desde domingo é encontrada morta com pedra amarrada em pescoço e perfurações no corpo
Prado: Pescador encontra um corpo no Rio Jucuruçu que pode ser da adolescente que estava desaparecida
Continua desaparecida na cidade de Prado, Cristina de Jesus Lima, 22 anos
Mãe procura filha de 14 anos desaparecida há 3 dias em Teixeira

Is it the morning? Maybe it's the claws of the alarm that take all of his years. He sells our time, Our children, Our hands.
A little girl blows out a lighter for a birthday candle. Cold air on his face.
Is it a crutch? Are shoes a crutch?
Why does the working man drink? Is it that he is tired? Tired not in body or mind, But in his very soul.
I waver at the scars and stretch marks in the earth from drainage trenches.
I waver at the cars upon cars on the M3, that go along with it all, like bottle tops on a conveyor belt.
Is his heart rusting? Is it a pyre? Is it the weight of the curbs? Or just his thoughts?
No. The working man drinks because he is thirsty, and no other answer is as sorrowful as this.

Hi,
There is a friend that i work with whom I care for and we've known each other for a few years. She is very kind and there were times I felt there was mutual interest but I have never said anything because I prefer we stay friends and because she is older than me by almost 6-7 years.
I think she wonders if I like her and last night, she kept pouring me drink after drink after work at a bar. Afterwards, her and another colleague and I are dancing and there are others who had joined us but at a distance and my colleagues said one of them looks like they would like to dance with me.
I felt like this was confirmation that my friend did not like me in that way as I felt she was encouraging me to try to dance with her. This along with the fact that this is not something I usually do (I wanted to get out my comfort zone) I went ahead and did some basic dances with her but actually, towards the end she did not seem into me and actually seemed annoyed (might of been because I kept messing up when she tried to teach me footwork). Also, it kind of seemed they knew one of my colleagues.
My colleagues never brought up anything again later, almost like nothing happened and I feel they have been distant. I'm wondering if this was a way for them to see if I actually like my colleague. I feel bad because if she does like me, I'd hate to think she feels as though I never cared for her and that I'm just someone who uses honeyed words with everyone.
I'm not sure what to, whether to express my feelings and why I never said anything or on the one hand, just leave it as this could be a way for my friend to move on but at the expense of thinking maybe I'm like some bad pickup artist or something :( if I do the former, it would change our work dynamic for sure as my feelings would be out in the open or awkward if she didn't actually like me that way.
TL;DR: Friend whom I care for (and may like me) and colleague encourage me to dance with someone. May have been a test. They are now distant from me

It’s been a week since my partner told about his PA/SA the day before our anniversary and came to light about multiple things he’s lied about throughout our relationship.
He has also been recording me throughout our arguments and I believe he has been doing it for a really long time. On Sunday he told me that he can’t just quit and it’s too hard. On Friday, I told him it’s our family (Our daughter is expected to be born in October. This is my first pregnancy/baby & same for him so there has been multiple stressors in our life currently and he projects and blames everything on me ) or the porn and he said alright, I’ll quit. Giving it zero effort. He says, “I’m just telling you what you want to hear.” It was almost a slap to the face. It felt so cruel.
Anyways, fast forward to nighttime. He wanted to have sex. I share with him multiple articles 10 minutes prior talking about how porn is a sin/lusting after other women is against our relation, etc. Then he wanted to just have sex. I say, I don’t feel comfortable around you especially emotionally after what has happened this week so no. So he says, “All I want to do is just a bust a nut” and just decides to whip it out and take care of it himself. Yep, there goes our intimacy in our relationship. Just shows the porn has altered him to view me as just an object.
Besides all of this, our relationship is totally toxic. Red flags everywhere. We are in a family vacation and at 11:30 pm at night he tells my family and I, he is no longer comfortable around us and doesn’t want to be here. He’s drama. Drama. Drama. On top of this all, he wants to start drinking and partying again.
Safe to say, he does not want to be a husband or a father. He doesn’t want to settle down. He wanted to play house for a year and now that I’m like hey, I have standards I don’t want my fiancé going out every weekend and lusting after other women and not being an encouraging/supportive partner to me he’s just totally not on board.
He’s not actively doing his therapy either which I believe causes a huge impact on his episodes. He does well with projecting and blaming me for his flaws. He tells me my therapy isn’t working and I’m the toxic one.

Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for 3 years. I love him dearly and I know he loves me and wants to commit to me forever. We have a lot in common, same sense of humour and have made some great memories together. I'm 30 F and he's 45 M. Last year we separated for a month ish - he'd moved into my place and he started to show some ways and habits that I really didn't like (drinking too much, mood swings, getting upset when I made plans with my friends or giving me the silent treatment when I would return home from said plans, he didn't make much of an effort with my child, family or friends and financially he wasn't able to meet me in the middle which I was never happy about). On top of that, his kid (and stepkid) would be at my house all weekend every weekend. Honestly I'd bit off more than I could chew - I felt like I was providing a lot for him&his kids, I wasn't enjoying the relationship or much of a social life and was starting to feel way older than my years and like a stranger in my own home so eventually I asked him to move out. I missed him and we ended up back together after a month (ish)! and it's been fine because we live apart so I have my own space, quality time with my child which is uninterrupted, and I don't feel the resentment I did when we were living together. One last but important note - not to sound shallow but this man physically could not be further from "my type". I have never found him physically attractive but I am attracted to him more for the person he is. (Not including the traits I discovered since he moved in)
Now the dilemma! (Sorry needed to give you context)! I met my best friends new boyfriend last night - he told her he knew how important her friends are and wanted to meet us all so we had a BBQ and some drinks, oh and he's absolutely gorgeous - and it's opened my eyes to so many things I am missing! My boyfriend - let's call him Clark. Clark never made any effort with my friends - he would hide in another room if he happened to be in the same house as them, or he'd go out. He never wanted to invite them over and wouldn't go out for food or a drink with us. I, to this day, have NEVER met any of his friends. This made me think about how isolated I feel in the relationship. Maybe it only works because it's us two hidden away from everyone else? I'm a sociable person so I feel like I'm holding myself back for his benefit. I'd love to socialise with a partner.
My friends new boyfriend is more traditional and wants to be a provider, whereas Clark is happy to coast through life, complain about money while being happy to spend mine. And just to remind you about the age gap - I'm absolutely not with him for money (I earn more than him anyway) but by 45 I expected he'd be in a better place in life not moving into my house because his parents had had enough! And then to remind you of the lack of physical attraction. Long story long, I've realised that this relationship isn't my ideal by any means. But I'm torn because I do love him and I really don't want to break his heart. We've already separated once and it nearly broke him. What do I do? I'm worried if I stay I'll always wonder about what could have been. I could be with him for life - and I wouldn't be unhappy but probably not the happiest I could be! Maybe I'd be settling because he's the first nice man I've come across. He does treat me really well which I have never experienced before and I'm worried I won't find this in anyone else! Thoughts & Advice please....

Hey guys. My mom has always been really unwell mentally but It's getting to a point where I feel like I need to start making a plan for her.
I grew up with drug-addicted parents but my mom was the one who stuck it out and stayed with me. She no longer does drugs ( She was mostly just drugged by my dad, But occasionally she did meth herself so she could stay up later and work longer hours) but shes a hoarder. It's weird to say but she "hoarded me" too. She didn't tell any of my family members that we didn't have hot water or access to heating or food for years. CPS came to my house and my aunt took me in when she found out when i turned 14. She gets very angry when I bring it up, even just the hoarding or advice about curbing her spending. She always has. My mom has been evicted at least 4 times, I lost count. She never showered regularly or brushed her teeth regularly or took care of herself regularly at all. It's gotten to the point where her health is so bad that she can no longer hold in her urine very well. She now constantly smells like urine, and leaks urine in her daipers everywhere she sits.
The worst part is that she's a nurse. She takes people's blood on a regular basis. She is completely functional at her job. But when it comes to being around me in person, she almost sounds psychotic. She points out parts of my body that she thinks are cute and funny because they've "developed" so i look "grown". Im 29 years old. She keeps trying to sleep in my bed whenever I visit because she wants to cuddle with me. I'm having to explain with her that i have boundaries that are healthy but she just doesn't understand and she doesn't really care. She just sits and watches TV and pees on herself.
I moved across the country and have lived across the country for about 2 years. She often sounds intelligent over the phone, but when I visit she acts like a sad little puppy. Her car is filled completely to the brim with her hoard. Even walking up the stairs makes her so tired that she makes a big deal out of it. She wants pity really badly from me and whenever I visit I have to pay for everything. She gives me a lot of bullshit reasons why she doesn't have money, but she works more than 40 hours a week. Her rent is only $400 because she lives in a spare room that her friend has. I tell her this doesn't add up and she just gets angry with me and starts talking about how she keeps pissing herself and passing out at her job from period blood loss because her health is deteriorating. The doctor's really struggle to diagnose her because she didn't have a papsmear in over 30 years. (Which I don't believe but they have no idea how to prove it or disprove it)
The thing is my mom is mentally unwell but she does a lot of this to herself, And she acts like she has no idea so I have no idea if she's playing a martyr or if she's actually unwell. My boyfriend says that I have to just let her be her, she acts so sad and pathetic around me, it guilt trips me so badly. And it sucks because my mom is so friendly to everyone so people love her. She even tells me things like " Your number one you can do anything! You're such an amazing person you're better than anyone else in the world!!" At first I used to love the attention but I realized later I think her entire interactions with me are starting to verge on love bombing. And when I'm physically around her she sees me as a source of pity and attention. But she's also peeing on herself now and her health is deteriorating so bad that she can barely climb stairs or walk far distances. Shes only 58. Yet she drinks multiple bottles of Mountain Dew daily. Her mother was severely depressed, wasted away on the couch for years, and died from an anurism at 62.
When do you step in? This is going to sound incredibly harsh but... do your parents have to earn that help? My mom has been mentally ill my entire life so I have no idea what she's supposed to act like. I've never had a normal parent, I don't know where to start I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I already told myself that I would never take care of my father but I have no idea what to do with my mother. She's convinced all my family members to pity her but they would never lend her money. She's just acts so pathetic that people feel sorry for her and I don't really know what to do because she's way stronger and better than that. Every time I tried to talk to her about her retirement she just brings up my dad and how he ruined her life, It's almost like she just doesn't want to move forward and only wants to lean on me. She hypnotized by the television too, Even as a child I noticed that my mom would miss appointments and completely destroy vacations ( There rare ones that we were able to have) by getting stuck just watching tv.
Please help me figure out what I am supposed to do with her. I have to remind her to change her diaper so she doesn't smell like piss when I visit. When I visit her it feels like I'm dealing with a toddler... Do you think her brain is deteriorating? How the hell is she still able to do her job?? This doesn't add up and I feel gas lit I don't know how to feel I don't know what to do....

Hey guys. My mom has always been really unwell mentally but It's getting to a point where I feel like I need to start making a plan for her.
I grew up with drug-addicted parents but my mom was the one who stuck it out and stayed with me. She no longer does drugs ( She was mostly just drugged by my dad, But occasionally she did meth herself so she could stay up later and work longer hours) but shes a hoarder. It's weird to say but she "hoarded me" too. She didn't tell any of my family members that we didn't have hot water or access to heating or food for years. CPS came to my house and my aunt took me in when she found out when i turned 14. She gets very angry when I bring it up, even just the hoarding or advice about curbing her spending. She always has. My mom has been evicted at least 4 times, I lost count. She never showered regularly or brushed her teeth regularly or took care of herself regularly at all. It's gotten to the point where her health is so bad that she can no longer hold in her urine very well. She now constantly smells like urine, and leaks urine in her daipers everywhere she sits.
The worst part is that she's a nurse. She takes people's blood on a regular basis. She is completely functional at her job. But when it comes to being around me in person, she almost sounds psychotic. She points out parts of my body that she thinks are cute and funny because they've "developed" so i look "grown". Im 29 years old. She keeps trying to sleep in my bed whenever I visit because she wants to cuddle with me. I'm having to explain with her that i have boundaries that are healthy but she just doesn't understand and she doesn't really care. She just sits and watches TV and pees on herself.
I moved across the country and have lived across the country for about 2 years. She often sounds intelligent over the phone, but when I visit she acts like a sad little puppy. Her car is filled completely to the brim with her hoard. Even walking up the stairs makes her so tired that she makes a big deal out of it. She wants pity really badly from me and whenever I visit I have to pay for everything. She gives me a lot of bullshit reasons why she doesn't have money, but she works more than 40 hours a week. Her rent is only $400 because she lives in a spare room that her friend has. I tell her this doesn't add up and she just gets angry with me and starts talking about how she keeps pissing herself and passing out at her job from period blood loss because her health is deteriorating. The doctor's really struggle to diagnose her because she didn't have a papsmear in over 30 years. (Which I don't believe but they have no idea how to prove it or disprove it)
The thing is my mom is mentally unwell but she does a lot of this to herself, And she acts like she has no idea so I have no idea if she's playing a martyr or if she's actually unwell. My boyfriend says that I have to just let her be her, she acts so sad and pathetic around me, it guilt trips me so badly. And it sucks because my mom is so friendly to everyone so people love her. She even tells me things like " Your number one you can do anything! You're such an amazing person you're better than anyone else in the world!!" At first I used to love the attention but I realized later I think her entire interactions with me are starting to verge on love bombing. And when I'm physically around her she sees me as a source of pity and attention. But she's also peeing on herself now and her health is deteriorating so bad that she can barely climb stairs or walk far distances. Shes only 58. Yet she drinks multiple bottles of Mountain Dew daily. Her mother was severely depressed, wasted away on the couch for years, and died from an anurism at 62.
When do you step in? This is going to sound incredibly harsh but... do your parents have to earn that help? My mom has been mentally ill my entire life so I have no idea what she's supposed to act like. I've never had a normal parent, I don't know where to start I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I already told myself that I would never take care of my father but I have no idea what to do with my mother. She's convinced all my family members to pity her but they would never lend her money. She's just acts so pathetic that people feel sorry for her and I don't really know what to do because she's way stronger and better than that. Every time I tried to talk to her about her retirement she just brings up my dad and how he ruined her life, It's almost like she just doesn't want to move forward and only wants to lean on me. She hypnotized by the television too, Even as a child I noticed that my mom would miss appointments and completely destroy vacations ( There rare ones that we were able to have) by getting stuck just watching tv.
Please help me figure out what I am supposed to do with her. I have to remind her to change her diaper so she doesn't smell like piss when I visit. When I visit her it feels like I'm dealing with a toddler... Do you think her brain is deteriorating? How the hell is she still able to do her job?? This doesn't add up and I feel gas lit I don't know how to feel I don't know what to do....

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
Some relevant backstory, around Covid my husband and I started drinking pretty heavily together. We were crazy binge drinkers. Got to the point of missing work and I had a mental episode while drunk that put me in the hospital. I quit drinking and have been sober a little over a year, he hasn’t. This week, I just picked him up from his second time in rehab. We have always jokingly picked at each other (sometimes too far and I always tell him when it’s too far) but I feel like it may be escalating.
During his 2 most recent binges after months of not drinking, he has said some terrible things to me. I decided to get my septum pierced he was not happy.
“I don’t want you to uglify yourself.” “Your nose is too big, you shouldn’t bring attention to it.”
He sobered up and I told him what he said and he felt really bad and apologized. A week went by and he drank again. This time he said worse.
“If it wasn’t for me you would have died alone.” “You could be hotter, you know?” “I want a girlfriend, there’s a girl a work….”
He went to rehab before I got a chance to tell him what he said and how I felt about it. He got out and I asked him to go to couples therapy with me. He said yes. I told him certain things he said keep replaying in my head over and over and it hurts and idk how to forgive him. He said “I’m not saying I won’t go to couple therapy, but that sounds like an individual therapy kind of thing.” Which hurt because he’s the one who said these things to me and I feel like it’s absolutely a couples therapy problem.
All of this to say, I’ve been thinking about things he’s said and done since I quit drinking and I’ve talked with people very close to me and they think he is an actual narcissist. He said himself that he likes getting a ride out of me and watching my reaction to things. And he says he has a natural talent for finding insecurities and exploiting them. (Big ones for me are self esteem and being alone, hence why he said the things he did.) I’ve been reading a lot and we don’t argue, he never explodes, we talk about our lives and growing old and like spending time together. So I’m not sure what to think or feel about everything anymore.
When I told him everything he said he said he didn’t realize he was “abusing” me and that he promises he will never drink again and will get better about how he talks to me. I didn’t view it that way until he said it. Which is what has caused all of this reflection.
Does this sound like he’s a narcissist? Is it possible for him to get better and not use harsh language toward me? Sorry if this seems jumbled I’m just very stressed. We have been married for 8 years.
tl;dr My husband says hurtful things to me and I don’t know how to forgive him or how to feel. Any advice on how to forgive him or proceed would be very helpful.

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
Some relevant backstory, around Covid my husband and I started drinking pretty heavily together. We were crazy binge drinkers. Got to the point of missing work and I had a mental episode while drunk that put me in the hospital. I quit drinking and have been sober a little over a year, he hasn’t. This week, I just picked him up from his second time in rehab. We have always jokingly picked at each other (sometimes too far and I always tell him when it’s too far) but I feel like it may be escalating.
During his 2 most recent binges after months of not drinking, he has said some terrible things to me. I decided to get my septum pierced he was not happy.
“I don’t want you to uglify yourself.” “Your nose is too big, you shouldn’t bring attention to it.”
He sobered up and I told him what he said and he felt really bad and apologized. A week went by and he drank again. This time he said worse.
“If it wasn’t for me you would have died alone.” “You could be hotter, you know?” “I want a girlfriend, there’s a girl a work….”
He went to rehab before I got a chance to tell him what he said and how I felt about it. He got out and I asked him to go to couples therapy with me. He said yes. I told him certain things he said keep replaying in my head over and over and it hurts and idk how to forgive him. He said “I’m not saying I won’t go to couple therapy, but that sounds like an individual therapy kind of thing.” Which hurt because he’s the one who said these things to me and I feel like it’s absolutely a couples therapy problem.
All of this to say, I’ve been thinking about things he’s said and done since I quit drinking and I’ve talked with people very close to me and they think he is an actual narcissist. He said himself that he likes getting a ride out of me and watching my reaction to things. And he says he has a natural talent for finding insecurities and exploiting them. (Big ones for me are self esteem and being alone, hence why he said the things he did.) I’ve been reading a lot and we don’t argue, he never explodes, we talk about our lives and growing old and like spending time together. So I’m not sure what to think or feel about everything anymore.
When I told him everything he said he said he didn’t realize he was “abusing” me and that he promises he will never drink again and will get better about how he talks to me. I didn’t view it that way until he said it. Which is what has caused all of this reflection.
Does this sound like he’s a narcissist? Is it possible for him to get better and not use harsh language toward me? Sorry if this seems jumbled I’m just very stressed. We have been married for 8 years.
tl;dr My husband says hurtful things to me and I don’t know how to forgive him or how to feel. Any advice on how to forgive him or proceed would be very helpful.

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
Some relevant backstory, around Covid my husband and I started drinking pretty heavily together. We were crazy binge drinkers. Got to the point of missing work and I had a mental episode while drunk that put me in the hospital. I quit drinking and have been sober a little over a year, he hasn’t. This week, I just picked him up from his second time in rehab. We have always jokingly picked at each other (sometimes too far and I always tell him when it’s too far) but I feel like it may be escalating.
During his 2 most recent binges after months of not drinking, he has said some terrible things to me. I decided to get my septum pierced he was not happy.
“I don’t want you to uglify yourself.” “Your nose is too big, you shouldn’t bring attention to it.”
He sobered up and I told him what he said and he felt really bad and apologized. A week went by and he drank again. This time he said worse.
“If it wasn’t for me you would have died alone.” “You could be hotter, you know?” “I want a girlfriend, there’s a girl a work….”
He went to rehab before I got a chance to tell him what he said and how I felt about it. He got out and I asked him to go to couples therapy with me. He said yes. I told him certain things he said keep replaying in my head over and over and it hurts and idk how to forgive him. He said “I’m not saying I won’t go to couple therapy, but that sounds like an individual therapy kind of thing.” Which hurt because he’s the one who said these things to me and I feel like it’s absolutely a couples therapy problem.
All of this to say, I’ve been thinking about things he’s said and done since I quit drinking and I’ve talked with people very close to me and they think he is an actual narcissist. He said himself that he likes getting a ride out of me and watching my reaction to things. And he says he has a natural talent for finding insecurities and exploiting them. (Big ones for me are self esteem and being alone, hence why he said the things he did.) I’ve been reading a lot and we don’t argue, he never explodes, we talk about our lives and growing old and like spending time together. So I’m not sure what to think or feel about everything anymore.
When I told him everything he said he said he didn’t realize he was “abusing” me and that he promises he will never drink again and will get better about how he talks to me. I didn’t view it that way until he said it. Which is what has caused all of this reflection.
Does this sound like he’s a narcissist? Is it possible for him to get better and not use harsh language toward me? Sorry if this seems jumbled I’m just very stressed. We have been married for 8 years.
tl;dr My husband says hurtful things to me and I don’t know how to forgive him or how to feel. Any advice on how to forgive him or proceed would be very helpful.

My friend (26 f) and her fiance (47-50? Not sure M) have been having a lot of relationship issues. She never really sees her friends and it feels a lot like he doesnt want her to have friends, hes pretty useless, probably changed 3 poopy diapers in the span of 2 years and 3 months. He is quite manipulative and standoffish. But im not saying my friend does not have flaws of her own, they obviously have a lot of resentment towards eachother.
On Thursday I went to her house as I havent seen her or bub in months and we had a glass of wine, i am usually good for two glasses and able to drive but her expensive wine was too much for my body and I realised I couldnt drive home after one drink. So she offered for me to sleep over, I have been meaning to do this anyway so that I can learn her buns night routine so i can babysit for her if needed. I said okay because I had work the next morning and wasnt able to afford the 45 minute uber home and back in the morning to get my car. So in the end we decided to just finish the bottle. We were tipsy/semi drunk, i remember the whole night as I am not a light weight, where as she is very skinny and was on her way to drunk but not quite there.
We mainly played with bub (fiance wasnt home until 7pm) and throughout the night we sat downstairs and caught up and chatted. Her bub woke up screaming at about 11:30 do we went up to calm her and put her back to sleep (albiet badly as we were not sober) my friend ended up bring bub to bed with het and fiance and I was heading to bed when I realised we had accidentally switched phones. (Please know i am aware i should not have entered their room without express permission but in sullied mind i thought this is gonna take legit 10 seconds to switch our phone) mine was on her bedside table so, in order not to just randomly walk into theor room i told fiance im just coming in quickly to switch our phones, i placed hers on her charging pad on the bedside table where mine previously was. And crept back out (because bub was in bed sleeping and friend was downstairs doing something idk) then i went to bed.
Got up at 5:30 the next day and left for home and went to work. She was messaging me saying fiance was really mad and was stating I slammed into the room and threw her phone at him being really loud. I doubted myself for a second but thought no, because I remember the whole night, and even if i was black out drunk the worst i would ever do is stumble and maybe talk a little louder then i thoight i was.
I told her to apologise to fiance for me in the case i was loud by accident and for entering the room withoit explicit permission.
On Saturday i had a mutal friend of ours over to play a ages 5 and up riddle game and drink (no way we are gonna be able to do a normal mystery solving game whilst drinking lmao) and we had invited my friend too. She said she really wanted to come but didnt want to upset fiance. We said that in any relationship, why would wanting to spend a night with your friends ve something that would upset him. Its as if he is feeling like having to take care of their child alone, one time, was a huge burden for him, keep in mind she does everything for bub, usually without help.
She said she wanted to come and he responded by saying "fine if you want to leave then im leaving" got dressed and went out to the pub with his mates, leaving her by herself with the bub. So me and other friend said to just cone iver and bring bubba with her, so she did.
Important to know, she takes her ring off at night because its uncomfortable for her to sleep in, he knows this, and it has never been an issue, she had already taken her ring off to bath bub and put her to bed so when she came over she wasnt wearing it. Was a simple mistake. He became irate with her and advised over text that they were done and that she has to move in with her mum and take baby with her. She was obviously very upset but didnt want to reply whilst angry without thinking it through first and he was spam messaging her saying hes packing her stuff and bubs stuff and she has to get out.
Shes now at my house, because her mum and other friend lives over an hour away from bubs daycare. But I absolutely am so happy she and bub is here and safe with me. I would have always offered anyway regardless of distance.
But I am exhausted and she is exhausted and I dont know what to do to help. I am also not used to having a toddler around at all. I am disabled and so I have limitations for caring for a toddler for an extended period of time. She is doing everything herself but i dont want to just sit on the couch while she does everything (unpacking the random assortment of things she needed and stuffed into bags in a hurry and taking care of bub) so i am extremely run down and its been less then 24 hours.
I am not suggesting nor do I want them to leave in any aspect. I was just wondering if anyone has advise.
Fiance also cut off her card, which obviously she uses to buy things for bub and herself to live. I dont make very much money so cannot contribute unfortunately. He said extremely upsetting things like he is not going to pay for her schooling and will send a miniscule amount per month (he is very wealthy and practically convinced friend to be a stay at home mum with no form of income) I said to her that thisnis finacial abuse and if this is serious and sticks then she has a right to an amount that keeps bub in the same level of living conditions she was in whilst together. I dont really want them to get back together to be honest, everyone wants them to split. But this isnthe opposite of the way to do it. And he has money to get a fancy lawyer in the case this goes to family court, whereas she does not.
I am scared that the situation is traumatic for bub and I dont know what I can do to make things better.
This is barely scraping the surface but any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you.

In Galatians 5 we read:
"Now the works of the flesh are obvious: immorality, impurity, lust, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, rivalry, jealousy, outbursts of fury, acts of selfishness, dissensions, factions, occasions of envy, drinking bouts, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."
What St Paul seems to say is that when you do such things you have enough culpability in order to end up in Hell. He bassically says that just by looking at a person's action you can judge his/her heart.
Or "do such things" had a special meaning in those days. Perhaps he meant "do such things in their hearts".
What does this text refer to? Judge people bu their actions? Is he saying that these actions are always mortal sins? Is that what the Church teaches?

Do you have a 'job' that you hate and love at the same time? I do, I trade dumb online stuff, I don't like making it my whole personality because those bros are annoying and full of air. Also it's a ponzi, scratch that, it's a scam, scratch that, broad adoption of ít would be a universal nightmare and dystopia. However.... I do seem to be somewhat okay in it. And while I used to have to stay put in one place to work, that does not seem to be necessary now. So I could pick my shit up, go somewhere else and then just do the same soul sucking thing there. (had to filter out the actual word because it's banned on r4r)
I already spent an entire paragraph to the topic but let's stop there, it's might boring. Hi, I am 34, Dutch, and I just moved for a while to Bulgaria, then back home, now I am in Malaysia sweating my balls of. I like history, social-economic issues, cultural things, gaming, but mostly history though, that used to be my major in another life.
I am looking for a woman, girl, however you wish to name it up to my own age. But you know, not too far under it. I'd like for you to be intelligent, witty, well read (hopefully about history or at least some other social science), but don't worry about the specifics, if you think I am prince charming just dm and we can see where things go you know. What I would like to mention is that I have autism and while it's not 'extreme' it is definitely there. There will be an influence on whatever happens between us because of it and I'd rather be open about it than hide it under the carpet. I might not always understand very well what you mean, but believe me I am trying, so a little acceptance would go a long way. In my past relations it was noted by them that I did not 'act autistic', but really, I am.
Hit me up if you think I sound like someone you'd drink a cup of coffee with. I do have to mention I am a little nsfw

What are their SPECIAL stats? What skills do they have tagged? What traits? Which faction do they side with? Do they have a favorite weapon or armor set?
Let’s have fun with this! Be as detailed as you like. You can just give the broad strokes, or you can tell the tale of their whole journey from Goodsprings to the second battle of Hoover Dam. Did they just go straight through the main quest, or did they explore the rest of the Mojave, Big MT, Utah, the Sierra Madre and the Divide? Do they even survive long enough to make it to New Vegas, or do they get ripped apart by a Deathclaw on the road?
—————————————————
Here’s mine:
Zaphod Beeblebrox from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (the radio series and novels, not the movie).
Strength - 3
Perception - 7
Endurance - 3
Charisma - 9
Intelligence - 5
Agility - 3
Luck - 10
Tagged skills - Speech, Barter and Survival
Traits - Logan’s Loophole, Wild Wasteland
After waking up in Goodsprings with 2 splitting headaches, Zaphod thanks Doc Mitchell for saving him, but before the Doc can give him a full personality test, Zaphod cuts him off and asks where he can get a strong drink. He blows right past Victor and heads straight to the Prospector Saloon, where he does his best to ignore the argument between Joe Cobb and Trudy, and just drink until he runs out of caps. Unfortunately for him, after spending about 12 hours getting drunk, Cobb and the Powder Gangers show up and shoot the town up, so Zaphod is forced to sneak away.
The next week or so is a giant haze as Zaphod is drunk for pretty much the whole of it. He gets a lot of stares from people who aren’t used to seeing folks with 2 heads and 3 arms, but they assume he’s a radiated mutant like the Brahmin. He’s not especially interested in following Benny. While he’s certainly pissed off at Benny for shooting him in his favorite head, he’d rather not get shot in the other and figures it’s a better idea to avoid the guy.
Zaphod keeps hearing about this New Vegas place, and he feels it sounds like his kind of place. With no hope in sight of getting to a working spaceship, he decides to make his way there to enjoy the prostitutes, drugs and booze until a spaceship finds him. And if one never does, well there are worse ways to live out the rest of your life.
Zaphod drunkenly staggers his way to the strip, charms his way past the securitrons, makes his way to The Tops (Gamorrah is a bit too aggressive for his taste, and the Ultra Lux is a bit too pretentious and uptight), and feels like he fits right in with the Chairmen. He spends a few days being the life of the party at the roulette wheel, when Benny notices him, and, ironically, decides he doesn’t want a confrontation either, so he high tails out of there before Zaphod can spot him.
Zaphod spends the next few months doing pretty much nothing except drinking, gambling and bedding every woman he can. He overhears news every now and then that sounds important, but he doesn’t really pay much attention, except for when someone mentions the president of a place called “California” got assassinated, and he muses about running for the job himself now that there’s an opening. He was, after all, president of the whole galaxy for a time, so how hard could it be to run just one country? (or was it a planet?). But he decides ultimately it wasn’t worth the effort.
Sadly, the party doesn’t last much longer as those freaks at Gamorrah set off a bunch of gas bombs on the strip, and then some dudes with no sense of style (skirts and hockey pads, really guys?) start marching in and rounding up all his gambling buddies. Zaphod manages to sneak away into the desert, with no money, no booze, and a terrible hangover. But, he recalls, he’s faced worse odds and still managed to find a good time. Plus, he further recalls that at some point while he was partying at The Tops, some hoopy frood with a gas mask, a really cool voice, and stylish braids told him something about a big mountain full of advanced technology. If he can track that place down, maybe a spaceship would be in the cards for him after all…

i’ve been on adderall since 2016 or so. started at 5mg xr and made my way up to 20mg xr and have been taking that dose since probably around 2018 or 2019. it’s been very effective until probably about a year or so ago. i always felt it “kick in” before, i could feel my heart start beating a little more, the background noise inside my head got quieter, and i felt way more compelled to get shit done. now, i feel almost nothing. it’s been that way since the shortage. after the shortage was over, and the meds started rolling into pharmacies again, i no longer feel like it’s working. maybe they changed the formula, or maybe im going crazy. i’ve taken tolerance breaks before. usually a week or two, and i felt like it worked better after the breaks. with the shortage, i went almost a whole year without it and it just feels like it’s not working.
is anybody else feeling like this? or does anybody have any recommendations?? i’m about to start up college again and im worried i will not be able to focus how i need to focus without drowning myself in caffeine.
side note, i have the kind of ADHD where im thinking about multiple things at once and also have two songs in my head at the same time. listening to lectures while that is happening in my brain is very very very difficult. and adderall used to quiet the brain noise, but now it does not.

What are their SPECIAL stats? What skills do they have tagged? What traits? Which faction do they side with? Do they have a favorite weapon or armor set?
Let’s have fun with this! Be as detailed as you like. You can just give the broad strokes, or you can tell the tale of their whole journey from Goodsprings to the second battle of Hoover Dam. Did they just go straight through the main quest, or did they explore the rest of the Mojave, Big MT, Utah, the Sierra Madre and the Divide? Do they even survive long enough to make it to New Vegas, or do they get ripped apart by a Deathclaw on the road?
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Here’s mine:
Zaphod Beeblebrox from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (the radio series and novels, not the movie).
Strength - 3
Perception - 7
Endurance - 3
Charisma - 9
Intelligence - 5
Agility - 3
Luck - 10
Tagged skills - Speech, Barter and Survival
Traits - Logan’s Loophole, Wild Wasteland
After waking up in Goodsprings with 2 splitting headaches, Zaphod thanks Doc Mitchell for saving him, but before the Doc can give him a full personality test, Zaphod cuts him off and asks where he can get a strong drink. He blows right past Victor and heads straight to the Prospector Saloon, where he does his best to ignore the argument between Joe Cobb and Trudy, and just drink until he runs out of caps. Unfortunately for him, after spending about 12 hours getting drunk, Cobb and the Powder Gangers show up and shoot the town up, so Zaphod is forced to sneak away.
The next week or so is a giant haze as Zaphod is drunk for pretty much the whole of it. He gets a lot of stares from people who aren’t used to seeing folks with 2 heads and 3 arms, but they assume he’s a radiated mutant like the Brahmin. He’s not especially interested in following Benny. While he’s certainly pissed off at Benny for shooting him in his favorite head, he’d rather not get shot in the other and figures it’s a better idea to avoid the guy.
Zaphod keeps hearing about this New Vegas place, and he feels it sounds like his kind of place. With no hope in sight of getting to a working spaceship, he decides to make his way there to enjoy the prostitutes, drugs and booze until a spaceship finds him. And if one never does, well there are worse ways to live out the rest of your life.
Zaphod drunkenly staggers his way to the strip, charms his way past the securitrons, makes his way to The Tops (Gamorrah is a bit too aggressive for his taste, and the Ultra Lux is a bit too pretentious and uptight), and feels like he fits right in with the Chairmen. He spends a few days being the life of the party at the roulette wheel, when Benny notices him, and, ironically, decides he doesn’t want a confrontation either, so he high tails out of there before Zaphod can spot him.
Zaphod spends the next few months doing pretty much nothing except drinking, gambling and bedding every woman he can. He overhears news every now and then that sounds important, but he doesn’t really pay much attention, except for when someone mentions the president of a place called “California” got assassinated, and he muses about running for the job himself now that there’s an opening. He was, after all, president of the whole galaxy for a time, so how hard could it be to run just one country? (or was it a planet?). But he decides ultimately it wasn’t worth the effort.
Sadly, the party doesn’t last much longer as those freaks at Gamorrah set off a bunch of gas bombs on the strip, and then some dudes with no sense of style (skirts and hockey pads, really guys?) start marching in and rounding up all his gambling buddies. Zaphod manages to sneak away into the desert, with no money, no booze, and a terrible hangover. But, he recalls, he’s faced worse odds and still managed to find a good time. Plus, he further recalls that at some point while he was partying at The Tops, some hoopy frood with a gas mask, a really cool voice, and stylish braids told him something about a big mountain full of advanced technology. If he can track that place down, maybe a spaceship would be in the cards for him after all…

Yo homies, I moved to Austin in 2021.
It’s been almost 4 years and I barely know much about this place, since I was focused on my marriage and moving my parents here / housing etc.
I’m now getting divorced and have no single friends OR friends that have known what to do in Austin.
I’m from NYC and while the cities are not comparable, I don’t compare and I love Austin. The vibe here is very energetic, and I wanna do more.
I just got into mountain biking (beginner).
I’m a motorcycle racer, I like gymnastics and work out often. I also play guitar. Those are my main hobbies. They’re kinda solitary tbh.
Meetup.com seems to be one of the only (best) ways to do this - so I figured I’d ask: Does anyone wanna volunteer to help a newbie out?
I don’t drink really, and I quit weed 3 weeks ago.
TL;DR: I moved to Austin in 2021. After getting divorced this year and quitting weed I’d like to meet new folks and try new things and learn what makes Austin, Austin. If that interests you, please PM me. Suggestions ALWAYS welcome!
Thank you! 🙏