First of all I want to mention a trigger warning just in case. I know we all struggle at every weight. I’m not advocating for anything that has worked for me, simply wanting to share my (TLDR) experience and learn from others.
I have struggled with BED since childhood, and spent 35 yrs actively bulimic and anorexic. I was in ED therapy for 15 of those years, but the BED has remained the most pervasive and difficult to address. I have had rare periods of abstinence from bingeing but ultimately it has always come back. It’s the dreaded feeling of a switch in my brain / the train leaving the station / no turning back, even when I’m in tears trying to fight it. IYKYK.
Along with therapy, certain things have helped me a lot. (Note this is only my experience and certainly not advice to anyone who hasn’t had their own recovery journey).
-Yoga. Turns out I wasn’t truly breathing for years, which contributed to panic-y feelings and high stress that I coped with by bingeing. Relaxation felt foreign. I was used to living with surging cortisol to get through the day and then going numb with binges at night.
-Making sure I eat enough food during the day, and striving for getting protein at every meal, and enough vegetables and fruit. Drinking enough water is a constant struggle, but when I do, it helps too.
-Counting / recording calories. This is controversial in the ED recovery community and not helpful for everyone, for sure. For me it helps with awareness and mindfulness throughout the day and helps me not disassociate.
-Being intentional about when I chose to eat sugar, knowing that none can lead to a binge, but any is a bit risky for me personally.
-Acceptance of a normal feeling of fullness, so that that doesn’t trigger a binge.
-Not keeping triggering food in the house. I wish I was beyond having to do this, but for me it is still safer to not have it present. That said, I’ve driven through blizzards in the middle of the night (pre-delivery days) when the urge has been overwhelming, so just not having it in the house only does so much. Again IYKYK.
-Planning for eating out. Knowing that my calories for that day may be slightly higher but that does not need to trigger a binge.
-Vyvanse (50mg). This has been more helpful for me than other SSRIs, anti-anxiety or other med I have been prescribed, and I’ve been prescribed them all. The worst for me was Topamax. It works, for a very short time in my experience, but wreaked havoc on my memory and mental processing ability. The problem with Vyvanse for me is the drop off effect when it wears out for the day. I take it as late as possible, but struggle with any ability to sleep if I take it past noon. Naltrexone has been moderately helpful as an add on, but it’s super subtle in my experience, and too easy to override.
So finally, the last time, last summer and fall, that I started to really struggle with binge eating I decided to try compounded semaglutide. Each cycle of bingeing very rapidly leads to 40+ lb weight gain these days as I do my best not to purge. However, inevitably I start purging (“just this once”), and it just makes the cycle go on indefinitely.
Please note, I don’t know if these drugs should be used by those with a history of eating disorders or not (certainly it could be quite worrisome for active untreated anorexia, and I would never want my experience to substitute for medical advice) but for me I had to try something, because the risk to my health from the downward spiral back into bulimia was more concerning and I felt desperate.
Right away the food noise, for the first time in my life, was dampened. I could practice all of the strategies I listed above regularly. I started feeling healthier and stronger with better nutrition and sleep. The cost was challenging, but actually was offset entirely by the costs of bingeing. Sadly I think I’ve spent in excess of $100K during my lifetime on bingeing, which I have huge guilt around. And that doesn’t even begin to account for the costs of therapy and medication.
After titrating up on semaglutide I was noticing it wasn’t quite as effective, and I was having a few small binges, so I decided to switch to tirzepatide. Currently I am on 50 units (the second to lowest dose) of tirzepatide, which I inject every 8-9 days. I can tell when it is wearing off as the food noise starts to come back, but I’m also very much wanting to keep my dose as low as possible to make sure it does not stop being effective.
Now, six months into this GLP-1 journey I have lost the 40lbs I put on last year, and am not bingeing at all, which feels like nearly a miracle. I also do not want to lose any more weight. Well, tbh, there is still part of me drawn to losing more weight, but I know it would not be healthy physically or mentally, and could trigger bingeing again.
Finally (sorry for the lengthy post!) I am getting to my question. Have any of you with BED that are taking GLP-1s had success in maintenance over time? That is, have you been able to keep the food noice at bay and maintain a steady weight instead of continuing to lose or gain? If so, what have been your strategies and dosages?

--⧼ BEGIN Broadcast Message ⧽--
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Priority Level: Urgent
:: From ::
Center Arm of the Emperor, Planet Laran
:: To ::
All Survivors of Fellow Royal Cast Broods
:: Message ::
The Emperor has graciously permitted the use of his Excellency's summer home on Planet Laran, located in the Empire's Center Arm, as a temporary refuge during the unprecedented violent Terran offences against His Holiness and the holiness of the Omni-brood of Ix.
:: Attachments ::
Coordinates and Flight Key
:: Royal Cryptographic Signature ::
Lord La'Ix, The Emperor's Right-Center Arm
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
--⧼ END Broadcast Message ⧽--

earlier

"CURSE THEM! The great houses are going to have my bloody head for this! There is no way this should've happened and under my command too! The Golden Emperor's own exotic holiday world has gone to ash and the only one to blame is going to be me. Well it was basically my watch anyways. Curse. Them. All"
Those were the only legible sounds one could hear among the frantic stamping of one particular Ixian lord as he hurried away through the underbrush of the royal reserve just outside the centre palace. The same Ixian lord that, only hours earlier, was delighting in his typical cooked boar while enjoying his evening's entertainment of a young Terran girl running for her life from a loose Laran tiger. Something about the way those bipeds run always makes him laugh. Some similarly caste Ixian would call this form of entertainment childish, lowbrow, and immature. He would tend to agree. But sometimes he just wanted cheap slapstick humour. The day to day life of the royal caste tends to get dull with all the fine arts an Ixian of his caste is meant to enjoy.
"How did it all go to shit!?! I was always attentive, and there hasn't been an uprising since those terrans were tamed for the palace. I mean we mostly neuter the problematic ones anyways, so why all the sudden aggression?", he shouted in agitation at the emptiness in front of him.
Speeding through the royal garden which in actuality is a repurposed Savannah of the island the palace is on. The Ixian was a beast of speed. Perfectly honed and trained over decades, and genetically maintained over eons, he always proudly held that he was the fasted in his brood of 16. Making a name for himself among the other broodkin for being the most genetically suited for the rank of high general (not that there was any need for generals, there hasn't been need for war in so long). Of course the Ixians always pride themselves in having no excess potential, and adapting your environment to suit your biology, but it never hurts to have perfect biology. That's the true pride of an Ixian.
That innate need to change the universe rather than changing themselves is what led to their vast interstellar empire. One that reached from constellation to constellation and then eventually to the arms of entire galaxies, terraforming worlds to the same environment they were already adapted to. Since forcing nature into one's bidding was the most sacred duty of any that shared a lick of Ix biology.
Which was why the Ix was confident in themselves. This Ixian in particular surely felt surprised, but mainly he was only moderately upset at the sudden change of situation, from being comfortable in the royal dining hall to sudden exercise.
"Everything can be changed back. Everything can be changed back." It repeated the mantra to itself. As it began to relax and turn its snarled sharp mouth into a toothy grin.
"Yes, there is nothing to worry about at all. Then let's make a game plan. Just need to make it to the space port at the harbour. Grab a ride out and find someone else to take the fall. That old royal butler is as ancient as the dirt of the broodworld. Hell, he probably was there when it vanished in the shadow of the holy empire's long past." chuckling to himself at the quite witty remark, but saddened that no one else was there to hear it.
Should be realistic enough for the others to believe. But first things first, I need to reach the harbour-master. It thought while its dense muscles powered the beastly lizard-like form on its journey, as it bound in the direction of its destination at top speed on all fours.
The blood red sun was already kissing the horizon by the time the Ixian went to nearly collapse under exhaustion of the extended sprint. He hasn't ran this far and fast than when he a young broodling that won competitions and competitions in the royal sports. I think I might have overdid it. He thought while massaging the oncoming threat of a sneaky cramp in his hind leg.
The Ixian were well known for speed. But their stamina was another thing. There bodies simply didn't have the evolved features for long distance travel. There was never truly any need in the past, as their very steady and controlled climate and sparsely diverse ecosystem on Ix never truly required much challenge.
It turned its panting head to face the way it came, gazing proudly at the great distance it made in such a short while.
But something was off by that view. Something different to what he was expecting. The view itself was mostly fine. Well, as fine as a smoking mark in the distance, presumably from the summer palace being engulfed in flame and spitting great plumes of black smoke. But no, something about this view chilled him to this spine. Craning his neck from his vantage point he could swear there was a small speck in the distance.
What on great Ix is that?
All of a sudden realisation hit like a rock on a peaceful pond. Something was following him. Something unknown and cold was making its way to his location. He was certain it wasn't any of his guards, all guards permitted to serve under the royal summer home were Ixian of course. Physically bred for their strength and speed, and placed into roles of importance like protecting the higher caste such as himself. (Whereas this day being the only exception). It did look like he was the only Ixian that actually made it out of the palace so far. Ixians are able to cover short distances in phenomenal speed, akin to a scaly 4 legged beast of the hunt.
No this was something else.
Feeling a very small panic build up inside, but veiling that cold, unwanted terror as impatience at how far he still needs to travel yet. Lord La'Ix flexed his anterior legs and sped on leaving behind a red-yellow cloud of dust in his wake.
He frowned. Feeling strange at a never before felt sensation. Like something in the back of his perfectly designed brain was screaming a silent, but terrifyingly familiar warning.
"Ix itself is an ancient world. Temperate in climate, while abundant in vegetation and small game. It is unknown how the Ixian was formed on paradise.
The old priest can drum into your heads that I'Ix made us into being by indenting his form in the sand of the first beach and filling the shape with his life. Moulding us into being.
The heretic would counter and say we evolved from a previous species akin to ourselves over the course of untold lengths of time.
The philosopher would suggest that only on paradise would the sentient universe fill in the space for the perfect beings to enjoy the fruits of existence.
Lastly, even the lowest caste Ixian would point and laugh at the rest and say 'why talk about antiquity, when we can make more paradise to fill the heavens'."
-A popular Ixian parable
Lord La'Ix bolted up all of a sudden from his resting spot. Heart suddenly beating frantically. The stars had barely enough time to shift positions when last rested his weary body, only a couple hours must have passed since dusk fell and the world plunged into night.
The silence of the Savannah made sound from afar travel better. Aside from the quiet rustling of the wind he wasn't so sure what he heard. Assuming his bored ears were playing tricks on him.
Calming down, curling up on the flat cool rock he found he started to drift to the shadowless lands where all Ixian go when they dream...
Drums, no, not drums. Some sort of mechanical tool? Not that I ever heard of a tool that just beat the ground senseless. A strange beating sound could be heard, pounding into the ground. As he stayed frozen and very awake, he could have sworn it was getting louder. Closer.
CRACK. SNAP. CRACK.
Suddenly the entire valley echoed the sounds of a few broken sticks.
La'Ix jumped up, whirling around, and came to face something approaching fast that could only be described as a cold predator, not that there were any predators on the homeworld's recorded history. But every cell in his aching body reacted the same. DANGER, DANGER, RUN, RUN.
The silver light of the planet's 3 moons barely lit the valley but what that light bounced off of was a figure in motion. Front Legs pumping up and down, nostrils flaring, eyes too close together, and pupils so large it was like staring at darkness itself.
Hold on there are only 2 legs right? Sudden familiarity hit him hard, memories of last night's entertainment stained his mind. In the name of Ix is that a Terran?!?
La'Ix didn't realise it then, but it was looking at a Terran, despite the Terrans characteristics looking different to the standard slave he was used to seeing. The pumping body of the runner was made for such long distances. Sweat acting as a cooling mechanism, making the man glisten in the harsh moonlight, the enlarged nostrils taking in all the air the body needs for this type of strenuous activity. And the enlarged pupils, made for adjusting to low light environments.
Down on the plains of the Savannah were two creatures. One a perfect evolutionary miracle, practically evolution's first try gone right, Perfectly made for its environment and was never truly exposed to varying climates and environments. And the other, having crawled through the primordial ooze, and struggled and fought its way through dangers, diseases, and competition on its own horrifying world. Where deadly heat in deserts can dry out any living thing, and such freezing poles that can turn anything that enters it in pure ice.
The man's lean and sweat-slicken form was steadily making its way towards the frozen statue of La'Ix. Just as he got within 50 paces did La'Ix sprint away scattering pebbles in its path the echoes of which bounced back from the valley's sharp walls. Undeterred, the chaser kept steadily running. Jaws grit. Eyes locked on afar.
And afar was its prey. Sprinting away.
HOW IN IX'S NAME DID THAT THING KNOW WHERE I AM? The La'Ix in a fit of sudden excitement mixed with a heavy dose of panic, began its high octane sprint from the sudden looming threat of being found. Hind Legs propelling the creature's body forward, while its front arms, which were historically also for four legged locomotion, pulled the terrain closer with each stride. Increasing its momentum until it reached max speed.
"Broodling La'Ix!" said a stern but educated voice.
"Huh? Oh! Yessir!" a young Ix jumped to attention still thinking about more enjoyable things specifically outside of the classroom walls.
"Well? Can you please answer my question or will you make your other broodkin wait until Ix falls to ash first", the tutor said expectantly, prompting several muffles giggles in the room.
"Sorry sir. What makes the Ixian race its place in eternity is the attention we put in perfection. After our home-world of Ix's climate and terrain began to change, the leaders from antiquity decreed we carry on the spirit of the home-world in maintaining a consistent biological and genetic profile that will always be suited to Ix's surface. As we change worlds to be more like Ix, we can spread the spirit of Ix to them. As such, Change is- uh, change is..."
"Change is the poison of perfection, Remaining unchanged for Ix enable us to carry its spirit to other planets in the heavens", continued the tutor. "Well you certainly paid some attention to today's lesson at the very least. But remember that final part. It's the last of the core tenants you will need to remember."
"Yessir!"
A good half night passed on the surface of the Savanna. Where a previously noble and alert Ixian who took great care in appearances and status was no longer to be seen. Instead of that proud domineering alien representative of ix was a dishevelled, dusty, ragged creature, dehydrated, hungry, and exhausted from the various sprints it forced itself to endure to stay ahead of fate's ever closing hand.
Is this the sword of Damocles that was mentioned in the ancient Terran records? Always hanging down on those who hold power and seek more? Fate's sharp blade? But why me? I was never in any real power. All I wanted out of this life was a comfortable posting with no dirt and grime from the lower worlds. Why me? Why now? Why do I-
La'Ix snapped himself out of a daze. Is he here- No, no I should be far far away from that Terran now. Maybe I can find some-
A dim glow interrupted its train of thought. Much too early to be the Sunrise on the Emperor's summer planet, and much to low to be the light from one of it's 2 moons. It was a light from a town.
"That's right!" The Ixian barely managed to rasp in between haggard breaths. Its body barely able to continue the amount of self inflicted abuse it has suddenly been put in.
A lot more hunched over than the Ixian was earlier. It made its way towards a small town it knew was in between the palace and the harbour. The emperor loved his royal rustic towns and villages. It is said that his royal emperor would sometimes tour around them marvelling at the romantic theme of a simple rustic life. Although getting a personal town full of Ixians required a lot of lower caste be forced into long and expensive work contracts as background entertainers for the king's planet, all this excessive show of wealth was partially for peackocking the emperor's reputation, and partially for his own personal enjoyment. The Emperor is almost culturally required to flaunt his royal wealth in all forms in order to keep connections with all the royal houses. An emperor that doesn't shower their supporting aides and houses with grand gifts is fated to eventually be found cold on the floor of the royal banquet due to 'suicide from accidentally ingesting poison', as was the previous emperor.
To avoid such an unfortunate passing, the Higher Royals would trade vast resources, delicacies, and even exotic slaves to court 'royal favours'. Slaves of the Terran variety especially are considered to be the most unique of gifts the empire has ever acquired.
Terrans weren't necessarily large and bulky. Fighters were assigned to the Slave Obniraks. Powerful creatures used to fill the fields on tougher worlds where mechanical services would be deemed to expensive. The growth of a Obnirak into full working adulthood is only a few cycles. Meaning mass producing a workforce is quite an easy feat.
Terrans instead would take vast cycles to mature from a childling to an average adult. Meaning growing a slave force would take vast quantities of resources, immense patience, and strict guidance from their owners as to not create faulty creatures. All of which increases the general standing on any house that manages to keep a vast amount of Terran slaves in the best quality.
Terrans weren't necessarily docile and obedient. That role was perhaps given to the oldest slave race the Ix ever controlled. The Iralisa. It was known that they were made remarkably docile due to generations upon generations of select breeding, and pruning off the 'aggressive traits' from the gene pool. However, that led to the adverse effect of physically weakening them to a point where such docility and lack of a frame to keep up with their workload led to a general lack of Ixian interest and were subsequently purified.
Terrans are notoriously independent and herd-minded in larger quantities. Similar to growing a very stubborn Terulian Rose Vine. Which only looks impressive when great care have been given. Terrans need to be given an illusion of being ever so slightly free. Which typically involves owning vast amounts of land and nature to let them roam and graze. Of course, the only ones that can accommodate grand work forces of Terrans are the larger houses with the appropriate territory for humans, as is studied in the Ixian art of Servitude.
One can only guess which species is the Emperor's favourite.
The following town should indeed have both, low caste Ixians, and possibly none of the Emperor's favourite slaves.
The Ixian approached the glowing town. As it reached closer it straightened its back, upright on its hindlegs in the royal fashion. And proclaimed. "It is I! La'Ix, royal courtier. Lend me aid imme-"
Something is off. Not a single shadow in the town, I can see lights but no movement, where is every-
After turning the corner to the center of the small town, the dustied and weary creature froze in its tracks when it saw it. A pit nearly as wide as an Ixian land cruiser and who knows how deep filled with a stench so powerful it watered his eyes. Despite the Ixian's lack of a proper sense of smell. It knew the foul fetor of death.
The crudely dug pit was nearly overflowing when he approached it. Large, smoking, smouldering pyres cast that eerie light that had drawn him in.
"H-how? Wha-What the..." he trailed off when a local species of Laran boar growled and squealed as it tore a dead Ixian limb from the mountain of corpses.
"Who could've..."
He stopped. The shock of seeing his own kind laid like broken dolls in a bleeding pit slowly faded, replaced by a numbness. The Ixian had just noticed they were of Ix. Only of Ix.
Not a single terran colour was visible in the black and spotted pit of bodies. Not a single slave body was visible.
I-Impossible...
His legs gave way, either from the strain of the entire nights run, the horror facing him, or the threat from behind. He just dropped.
Minutes passed, or hours. It was hard to tell. But the Ixian lay slumped. Body unwilling to move further. Battered flesh unwilling to be propelled by a shattered spirit.
Mind slowly spinning up again. Thoughts began whirring to life in its mind. Could the rumours actually have been true? It had read the sparse reports of odd activity from certain Ixian-controlled worlds on the outer arms of the empire. Small uprisings of unknown origin. Hardly anything of note. If it had no affect on the greater houses then it was of no real concern to Ix and its emperor.
Could this threat have made its way to the centre arm already? Impossible. But what else could have done this to us?
Something caught the Ixian's eyes. In the middle of the pit it stood. A large stake, wet with deep Ixian crimson, dripping ever so slowly. Towering over the pit like a battlefield flag was a head of an Ixian rammed onto the tip of the spike. But the particular detail that caught the Ixian's eyes was a symbol cut into the flesh of the large forehead.
Looking from the outward-in. Eight concentric rings, which proceeded to get smaller and smaller in size until it reached a dark mass at the centre of the symbol. The Ixian never forgot the symbol and the affect it had on it.
Eight concentric rings, and a centre mass. Eight rings, and a mass. Eight- Eight what? Eight planets? And a star? ...
A growing pool of cold dread rose in its guts that made it shiver despite the fair night. This dread reflected the sharp reality on its frigid surface.
This Ixian was well-bred, well-trained, and well-educated. Although anyone with a basic education would know of such a pattern.
Terra and her sisters. THEIR star system...
Thump, thump, thump, thump.
It's not possible!-
Knowing what that sound meant, the Ixian tried to whirl around, its body barely being able to heed its masters commands. Just when it was starting to move again it felt it.
Sudden sharp agony. Sudden sharp, raging agony. The Ixian looked at it's hind leg. A sharpened wooden stake was jutting out of it.
It loud out a tight lipped scream, as it grasped the pulsating wound as one does immediately after an injury. It barely had enough time to look up at its attacker when the Terran bolted forward, shortening the distance between hunter and prey from metres to mere paces. The Ixian barely had enough time to block the hand grasping the knife as the arm flew forward at the last minute with a crash.
What phenomenal force!
Using the momentum from that sprint plus the wind up of his arm. The Terran was able to impart a phenomal show of force for a creature its size. That's when La'Ix for the first time saw a human in its raw unchanged form. Great beads of sweat collecting dust on its brow, to prevent it from entering the eyes. The constant release of sweat from the countless pores on its soft fleshy skin. Constant cooling? Even the visible veins and capillaries visible from the fire light.
What a beast of endurance-
Suddenly the horizon fell before the Ixian only to reveal the inky black sky dotted with pigments from stars like a painters masterpiece. When did I look up? Then a crash and blunt force from the ground.
The Ixian had been toppled over by that ferocious exchange of force.
Barely able to get up due to the wind being knocked out of its single large lung, the searing pain in its hind leg, and the exhaustion from the chase. It was too late. The terran was already on top of it. Taking up the entire view of the sky as the terran stepped forward into its field of vision.
The sudden perspective change made a once small and frail looking slave look grander than life, grander than all the legends told to Ixian broodlings.
The punches rained down. Repeatedly. A constant bombardment of beating rained like the drops of rain before the first dew. The previous pain in its leg forgotten, to invite a new visitor in the form of blunt force trauma. So ferocious were the raw blows to its carapace that the Ixian felt the exoskeleton crack under the increasing pressure and strain.
Something cracked, another thing snapped. The amount of pain too much to comprehend. The neurons firing in its second brain just assumed it was everywhere. Its half-working eye glimpsed the fist as it came down for the nth time. Red and split knuckles, revealing pure white bone beneath—a reinforced weapon. The perfect natural offence. All the muscles moved to propel it downwards where something else cracked and split.
Is this where I die?
As if understanding its fate the Ixian's form slumped over. Its body barely holding onto the natural exoskeleton shielding that covered its chest and facial area. Fluids leaking from the cracks that went too deep, and who knows how many internal ribs are shattered.
Its body, knowing that that more movement will cause more injuries, and further stimuli would confuse it further. It simply shut down.
The last moments it had as it fell backwards on its side. Was a small running figure. Hand clutching wooden spears. But the truly petrifying sight was behind it. A vast shadow flickering from the light of the lit pyres from the hunter in front of it. A shadow cast so large, jagged, and menacing it appeared to swallow the town whole.
And into a hole did the Ixian fall. A vacuum with no sensation or thought. Just darkness.
How... did we never notice such a... monster... in their... shadow...
All Ixians were taught about 'violence' and 'conflict' at an early age. As a sort of rite of passage that any of them would go through as they survive their early broodling days. As Ix have no natural predators, they had begun to instil a serving of some necessary conflict to keep their generations fresh and somewhat physically strong. As a precaution, only rudimentary forms of civil sports, races, shows of strength and courage were ever really explored. But always in a controlled and calm settings, as there would never be any true need for actual conflict.
As there was always a need to maintain ones own environment. The need never arose for the development of fighting techniques and schools of training. That was one of the best parts of being an Ix that many thought. Having supreme control over the worlds you inhabit means setting gravity, atmospheric pressure, humidity, and temperatures to the perfect levels for comfort replaced any need for biological change. Why grow when you can keep everything the same way, how you like it.
They were a vast empire. An empire of statues.
-Excerpt from the history of extra-solarian species, Author unknown
It awoke to a burning radiating heat from in front. The large sun was already starting to set on the horizon when it awoke. Had a whole day passed? Or two?
Trying to block the setting sun from its eyes it couldn't. "What?...", barely made out in a whisper.
I'm tied up.
And indeed the Ixian was right. Tied up next to a small brook, with a scorching fire in front of it. The monster nowhere to be seen.
"No good... it's too tight", it grunted in an attempt to escape its bindings.
Going slack in defeat it avoided any additional movement. Not having the energy to spare to move. It was lucky to have always been lazy at shedding its carapace - a frequent nag from its broodmother - might just have become its salvation in this case.
Thank Ix.
So there it stayed.
Hours passed. The Sun fully set and the stars awake in this dark world barely lit up the wildlands. Only the prisoner in this cone of firelight existed out here.
A rustling up ahead caught the prisoner's attention disturbing the eerily still silence of the Savannah night. And ungodly horror of a squeal ruptured the air invoking a deep visceral terror within the bound prisoner. Something. Something close but just outside the firelight was eyeing it, glinting from beyond the light. Those dark predatory eyes stabbed the prisoner with a sudden coldness. All while the squealing suddenly halted. SNAP. SQUELCH.
Now it came, emerging into the light. A beast. Holding a knife in one bloodied hand, dripping on the dirt. And dragging by the leg, a massive adult Laran boar grotesquely smearing thick blood still warm from the cut in the neck on the dirt.
The prisoner watched, barely moving, barely breathing. Frozen with the horror in front of it as the bloodied carcass was skinned; fur sliced away with harsh, scraping sounds with the crude knife. Spurting remaining blood all over the site.
The pink naked flesh then washed in the brook, leaving a distinct smell of oxidised blood in the air, before being skewered and roasted over the roaring flames. Fat popping violently in the heat.
In this gruesome display, the beast revealed not just a fate for the boar, but a dark hint of what might come. The realisation struck deep—this could be more than just a demonstration; it was a terrifying preview of its own potential end.
It passed out again.
Only to be awoken by the haunting echoes of a wild, desperate squeal that once thrummed through the savannah's eerie silence. Dare it open its eyes?
After a great heavy effort -utilizing its every last drop of courage- one eye cracked open. And what it saw. Made it regret ever having done so.
Right across from it, the hunter was a grotesque silhouette against the flickering fire. Grasping a severed boar leg was a mouth viciously biting, ripping, tearing into the flesh with primal ferocity. Each bite was deliberate, each tear of sinew was a clear, calculated demonstration of supreme savagery. Its jaw muscles bulged with the force of a bite.
All the while, the eyes—deep, abyssal pits—fixed intently on the prisoner. Deepest black pits stared back at it. Watching. Observing. Calculating, with a dark intelligence. it was calculating. It was relishing the terror it inspired and the control it exerted. Or planning its next meal.
The sounds of ripping flesh filled the thick, blood-soaked air. Deep into the night. Deep into this never-ending nightmare.
Never once did the prisoner move. Not an iota. Frozen in abject horror.
The night passed quietly. After the feast the human had, or the desecration of life that the prisoner saw, whichever way you look at it. The human nodded off to sleep. Content in the success of his mission. But the tied up creature had no such rest. Sending silent pleas to the stars that it might be saved. But not daring to make a sound, less it awaken that sleeping horror. Or was it sleeping? Dear Ix, it might be watching me. Feigning sleep to keep an eye on its meal. Dear Ix I'm next...
All through the night, the demons plagued its mind. Until the warmth of the morning rose, and with it the sound of an Ixian cruiser.
Elation could not be an understatement for the tired, tied, beat, and bruised thing. Craning its neck to the direction of the sound about to bellow out an Ixian warning to the demon resting next it.
"BE CAREFUL! THERE'S ONE HERE-". It stopped speaking. That previous elation it felt at a saviour arriving to rescue it from the demons grasp, fizzled out like a drop of water in a drought.
That all so familiar cold remained. And the dryness of despair. As pairs of dark pupils shot back at it.
On the cruiser were tall adult Terrans. Clean cut, well fed, well dressed Terrans. Four, no Six, no eight of them. All hanging onto the side of cruiser while it made its way to their location. Compared to the demon waking up beside it, these creatures were organised. A savageness neatly packaged in a uniform with a symbol. The prisoners eyes grew wide in its sunken sockets. 8 rings, and a centre mass. They must be the cause of, well all this.
Accepting fate, its head fell in part defiance, in part to avoid the stinging eyes of these others. It felt their gaze burn through—cold, cruel, calculating. There is nothing I can do any longer.
"You're finally here. What took you so long?" The runner said to his approaching comrades, "Took all night to catch up to him."
"Hey Jan, great work", the tall militant woman shot back. With a playful punch to his arm. "Guess all that cardio really paid off, didn't I tell you it would!" She let out a playful guffaw.
"Thanks Chel", replied Jan.
"Ok chop chop people, we're on a schedule. We need to reach the port ASAP remember? Come on Jan, rest up all you like, you're still on the clock."
"Aye sir." Jan shot back in a mock salute, gaining a sneer from the commandant, then a sneaky smile.
"Don't forget your trash. And make sure its breathing still."
It creaked open its eyes, seeing pairs of boots moving towards it and standing in front. In silence. Then all of a sudden, felt pairs and pairs of hands pull and tug. and lift it up The thing let out a pathetic silent sob. While it was loaded in the back of the cruiser, face up. Staring at eyes, piercing black dots peering back. It could never understand what was being felt by those eyes and those faces.
Ixians wear their emotions on their carapace; spots and stripes would slowly appear in certain parts, representing emotions and feeling that their bodies felt in a general sense. But the most private thoughts were of course, still kept private.
But this. This was just too foreign. The eyes never stopped. Even in the swaying movement of the cruiser the pupils never broke contact. Those eyes. As if it was peering into it, envelops your entire mind. There was no way to hide, even hiding in his inner self would do no good. Those eyes. Those predator eyes can find me anywhere I try to escape to. Inside and out.
Some times passes.
"You know. I lost good friends to the royal caste. Especially to this one's brood clan or whatever they like to call it." One of them was looking right at it when they said it. It turned its eyes over to the source. A short one, with a slave scar on the neck said it. A scar that shot through his memories. A scar inflicted to property owned by, his brood. This one is dangerous..., it thought.
Jan, and the others didn't look but felt it. The cold darkness in that tone made it clear what it intended to do.
The female militant, Chel, I think her name was. Slowly reached to the side arm on her holster. Sensing the oncoming problem.
"You still understand me don't you? I've had to watch good people die. Damn good people." The scarred one one stood, grabbing the upper rail of the cruiser to steady themselves. "I hear that even if you get ill, you become the entertainment for the night. What was it now?" She paused for a brief second. "Oh I remember".
"Stil" Chel said slowly. "Cool it". Hand still on the butt of the sidearm.
Not hearing or not wanting to reply. Stil continued. "Torn apart by those raptor pets. Hands or feet cut off as souvenirs for those fucked-up parties and those fucked-up guests. Oh yea, and the 'toy play' or whatever they call it. Can't have Ken and Barbie fight back now, can we?"
Stil leaned closer to the now cowering, shaking thing, "I wonder which one was your favourite." The words cut through La'Ix like an icicle. This was the first time these demons actually spoke to it directly. And it didn't like it. It could sense the venom from the words.
"Stil..." Chel slowly got up, hand still at the ready. "I said cool it." The line had a steely warning to it. Chel wouldn't risk the mission. Even if it meant doing what must be done.
Agonizing seconds passed. The cowering, shaking thing seemed to grow whiter and whiter by the second, It's spots clearly showing what it felt. Staring up, Not willing to move but being unable to hide. It felt the absolute crushing weight of the present. Grinding it down to a paste.
Everyone stayed still. The two militants didn't move. The rest didn't seem to even have paid attention to the converstation, still looked away.
Longer passed.
Stil smiled, "Oh come on Chel, you know I wouldn't do anything to our friend here? You know I was just playing around." Stil laughed. Chel didn't react.
Stil immediately crouched, faced the shaking prisoner inches apart eye to eye, and in a whisper said "Right friend?"
She wants me to reply? Dear Ix I can't even think with those eyes in front of me What do I do?! What do I say?!
"Right. Friend?" Stil repeated slower and colder. Like the blade of a surgeon hovering over skin, ready to plunge.
The gears of its Ixian brain grinded to a screeching halt. In utter desperation to find a reply it simply gave up. Instead, it felt a warmth slowly spread. Slowly spread between its hind legs. It had released its bladder.
"BAHAHAHAHA LOOK AT IT" Stil roared in laughter. The sound of it rattling the prisoners brain with the sound. Disorienting its senses. "NOW THAT'S CLASSIC TIMING IF I'VE EVER SEEN IT!" She plopped back down face red and still laughing.
The Ixian didn't know what to do but tremble and sob silently on the cold surface of the cruiser surrounded by laughter. and the warmth of its piss. It tried to plug its ears. But the sound still came. Laughter. Laughter. Laughter. Dear Ix, what are these demons... where are they taking me? To hell?...
The cruiser kept cruising. Towards the port across the island. Trailing laughter behind. Or to the sobbing wreck of a thing, demonic cackling.
The scent of familiarity wafted into the senses of the prisoner as the cruiser started to slow. The smell of the salt, the chirping of familiar aviaries. Sound of the crash of sea. The port.
Braving a sentence for the first time in for what seems eternity. It let out a question "...w..w..where ... why... are... ... we ...h... here?" It managed to say shakily, eyes downcast.
As if in response, a sharp shove greeted it from the back and a hard hit on the ground was as much of an answer it was getting.
"Move it", Jan said gruffly.
They walked. the ixian still bound but free to walk in the middle of the group of humans. Towards a destination still not known. The walk twisted, and turned, and twisted again. One thing struck out to the prisoner. It was too clean, especially for what it was expecting, it's last experience being in the previous blood-soaked town laden with bodies and carrion eaters.
The port town was completely silent, free from the regular hustle and bustle it usually had even when the emperor was not present. And superbly clean. Not a single piece of dirt to be seen. Not a single Ixian either. Where did everyone go? Did they make it out somehow when these invaders came?
In the background, the surf broke relentlessly.
Piercing eyes caught the prisoners glance, as it wandered curiously around the town. Realising its mistake La'Ix tried to look away but the burning gaze gripped his own.
As if reading its soul. The human answered the hidden question bubbling up in La'Ix. "You should've seen them your royal majesty". The one called Stil said while bending in mocking courtesy.
The surf pounded the shore even more loudly now.
"They don't swim well. Especially the young ones. They dropped like stones. Turning all white by the time they stopped moving."
Louder now. The sea roared.
Nothing came. Not a thought in La'Ix's mind. Its mind struggled to comprehend the depth of what was said by Stil, the scarred human.
The waves boomed louder now. Louder than the sun, echoing louder than the screams of all the Ixians that must have perished.
It saw the lips of the standing-devil in front of it. But all the came from its blood red lips were obscured by the sound of the pounding of the waves. The echoes of drowned kin, thudding and slapping against the shore, merged with the relentless surf in La'Ix's mind.
This is for our sins.
Wave after wave, the relentless surge continued, each one a haunting reminder of the souls lost to the sea, each crash a ghostly thud of bodies hitting the shore.
Very slowly did some exhausted neuron in the Ixian's head come to a conclusion as to how these creatures in front of it can be so relentless, so cruel, and so evil. When pushed to beyond its breaking point, did their true carnivorous instincts rear their ugly head.
Oh dear Ix. What sort of environment could breed such demons?
La'Ix didn't remember what happened next. The memories feel like a distant dream now as he sits watching the port sky now.
The aching brand on his forehead of the 8 ringed system, pulsed in pain—a departing gift from his newly made friends, stung from the salty sea air.
He barely recalls the staggered walk from the empty inter-arm transmission office and the inputting of his biometric royal seal. He barely even remembers the message that was sent under his name and signature
And even less does he remember what he heard what will happen next.
All alone now, he stares at the sky of the empty port town. As he watches more royal ships enter the atmosphere.
He gazes upward, thoughtlessly, statue-like Knowing fate will come for them all. Fate in the form of piercing black eyes and a monster so large it can fit in a shadow.
A single thought, carried its way from above the despair to the surface. Slowly. Like a bubble in a pool of tar.
What was I meant to tell the emperor again?

Lights out. Lights on. Lights out. Lights on. Vincent strained to keep his eyes open. Indeed, it wasn’t him blinking, it was the sun. It flickered mid day.
He was jobless again, and was trying to take his mind off it. He’d left the apartment, which would soon not be his, to get away from its suffocating evocation. Eventually his mindless sauntering led him to a nearby park, where he found a soft patch of grass to lie in, and perhaps just die there.
The allure of fresh cut grass in the sun had attracted others as well, but everyone was quiet, thoughtful. The recent AI revolution had put many in the same boat as him. It had been something spectacular, at an unprecedented rate the productivity of mankind soared, dwarfing the industrial and digital revolutions. In a mood of euphoric optimism, it enveloped the planet as a swarm of fruit flies with viagra.
In the beginning, managers and mid-managers were ecstatic, finally they would have the type of workers they dreamed of, ones who didn’t moan and complain about every poorly thought out decision they made. And with them gone, a huge useless drain on profit would be removed. Money would be redistributed, recognition at last, with them taking a major chunk to match their exceptional qualities, their uniqueness among their peers. AIs only needed electric power after all.
Of course, that was all a managerial fantasy, and following a brief time of delusional bliss, they themselves got promptly replaced or simply removed. For the people higher up in the hierarchy, who kept their jobs, it felt like removing your socks after a long trek.
The optimists claimed that this was the long awaited transition to a post scarcity society, utopia in the making. Reality, being a pessimist, had other plans. Wealth discrepancy deepened, and suddenly most societies found themselves with two castes: the wealthy, people who still had income and money, and the destitute who had nothing. The penniless made poor consumers, so business stopped catering to them. Governments were already designed to represent the rich anyway, so they lacked political power as well. They became outcasts, people left to die in the streets. They couldn’t even rebel effectively, since soldiers were getting paid, which made them partial to the upper class, and civilians going against modern military forces was somewhat iffy.
In a spasm of altruism, the elite figured that starvation of more than half of the population would be inhumane. Therefore bread and potatoes became free, which fit nicely well below the 1.3% of global GDP that went for charity. Some of the affected wondered whether that was some sort of a cruel joke. They felt like the roach being kept alive as food for the wasp’s progeny.
Since getting laid off, Vincent dreaded his eventual transition to the outcast class. He had not found a job in time, and now he was being evicted. Not much he could do now but join one of the sprawling tent cities, but luckily, he already owned a tent having bought one for just such an occasion.
These new cities, built within the old ones, were slowly becoming their own authorities. It started when people formed gangs to raid large grocery stores. These soon went out of business, since the stratum they served had perished. The stores that remained, that sold to the rich, had big enough margins to afford armed guards, so the gangs had to become larger and tougher. As history teaches us, government is an euphemism for the biggest bully in town, and these gangs were growing into big bullies themselves. Eventually, they started to refer to themselves as tribes, separate entities from their origin countries. And you didn’t want to meet tribesmen when you were going home at night.
The original administrations made several half hearted attempts to suppress these new states, but what was it supposed to do? Kill what it claimed to be its own citizens? Ultimately, citizens who couldn’t afford to consume or pay taxes were not desirable ones, so they gave up.
Vincent was self aware enough to know that he wouldn’t make a good tribesman. He was soft, pudgy, and often out of breath. As the main source of wealth for these people was raiding, he wondered what niche he could fill, but he avoided thinking about it too hard.
And now the sun was flickering. How unfortunate it would be, he mused, if it turned off one of these days, but he knew it wasn’t that. He was surprised to find out that it saddened him it wasn’t.
The remaining governments had their coffers empty in the end, since the populace paid politicians directly, bypassing them entirely. In a new plan, one of managerial cunning, indeed one that only a government clerk can come up with, they decided to block out the sun. Then they would sell sunlight as a service; it was the new SAS model. Proponents of this plan argued that obviously they deserved sunlight for free, but they were not so sure about the tribal riff raff that beat them senseless when they met on the street. The rich didn’t care, because it was a small fee, and hey, the money would go toward fixing the parks. It could even fix climate change!
Since there was no opposition, the decision was made, and the project undertaken. At first, people could hardly believe their reality. Such was the case with Vincent as well, he had indeed forgotten about it until now. A myriad of small robotic satellites were launched with reusable rockets, each with its own AI and at all times connected to a massive computational center via relays. There the monumental computation of where each robot should stand was made, so that any unsubscribed person would get shaded. It was akin to a Dyson swarm, but unfortunately, on the wrong celestial body.
And there it was, the last sunray to ever touch him; it blinked out. Vincent looked up, and saw the sun as in an eclipse with only its corona visible. Unhappily, he brought his gaze down, and examined the other lawn loafers. Nearly the whole place was in the dark, but two people had their own personal god rays. The chosen ones glanced around nervously. Death stares shot back at them. They left in a hurry. Vincent walked home depressed, while a robot shrouded him from orbit.
It was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness.
Months passed, and Vincent found himself the third wife of a tribe chieftain. It was the Sunset Boulevard tribe, named after the street it had occupied during its inception and not after recent events. The area was now almost permanently shaded, and vegetation had completely died out, but humans found ways to persist. Even in darkness, people managed and found things to put value in. Food, water, and shelter had become precious, while electronic gadgets lost all meaning. Vitamin D supplements were the unofficial currency.
Being the third wife had its benefits. It provided uncommon security, and his chores were simple. He had to keep the tent in order and take care of the chieftain’s many children, who were from the man’s other wives.
Vincent had come to accept this existence, which his past self would’ve found intolerable. He fell into the routine of his new life, and the days strung along, but change was inevitably brewing again behind the curtain.
It turned out that blocking large portions of sunlight made the climate go haywire. Giant planetary superstorms became a thing, and the Atlantic was consumed in a never ending hurricane of continental magnitude. It effectively cut off the Americas from Europe, which miffed the rich a bit. Although travel was restricted, they still found their lives largely unchanged, an infinite stream of AI generated entertainment and whatever else was left for money to buy paved the way to a lifetime of hedonism.
For the tribesmen life grew rougher: winters were colder, springs rainier, and summers gloomier. But people persisted. Among them, Vincent had recently become a grandmother. His new routine created distance between him and his old memories of the world that had been, a dream is all it was. As life became harder, and food became scarcer, and the planet itself grew more hostile, his chores expanded to consume more and more of his time. They left him with no time to think or reflect on what was and what could’ve been. Oddly, his present situation fulfilled him, and at the end of the day, when he lay on his roll-up bed under the rotting tent roof, he fell asleep happy.
Conditions worsened across the globe, and officials started to argue that maybe they’d been wrong in removing the sun from the poor. Perhaps, it was said, the divine disagreed with SAS. Such voices remained a minority however, because neither clerks nor politicians were prepared to separate themselves from the sweet cash inflows it produced.
Tsunamis drowned the coasts, and it rained debris from humankind’s abandoned cities across the world. At last, twilight shone over the rich as well. Their assets were submerged and ruined, but they still had money to spend. And where there’s demand there’s supply. Luxurious underground bunkers, offshore platforms, deep sea hotels, and offworld apartments were hastily constructed with the poorly understood technology of days past.
Relentless, time marched on, unperturbed by humanity’s plight, and Vincent lay on his deathbed after a long, long life. A coup had ousted the chieftain, and he no longer had the same status, but was largely left alone to his own devices out of respect for his former husband. The tribe had migrated high up on the Rockies to evade the boiling ocean. He’d even managed to convince a woman to be his wife in his later years, and had a couple of children of his own. Presently, they all sat around his disintegrated roll-up bed, in his decayed tent, and a woman he barely recognized held his hand, and a young man held a palm over his shoulder. The deep sorrow of a final goodbye lingered in their eyes. He tried to remember where he’d come from and how it had all begun; he tried to remember the sun, but his aged brain faltered.
He closed his eyes for a final time, and while his mind dissolved, one thing remained clear to him. As people drowned in their underwater havens, suffocated underground, and their bones grew weak and their flesh rotted in space, he was here, happy, with his family.

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I have advice for new plasma donors who may be considering to try it out and earn extra money:

• Plasma is 92% water and the rest is mostly protein elements.
• The plasma is separated from your blood and your red blood cells are returned to you in cycles.
• Per FDA regulations, you're only allowed to donate plasma twice in a 7 day period, with a 48 hour wait inbetween those two times. Don't risk your health by hopping around to different plasma donation centers to circumvent these regulations, and you may get caught if you do.

1. Eat a meal high in protein 2-3 hours before donating, but your plasma protein levels depend on what you ate the day before.
2. Drink plenty of water and/or non-caffeinated juice before donating to stay hydrated.
3. Avoid caffeine such as in coffee or soda before donating or you may get nauseous and vomit or faint during your donation.
4. No alcohol 24 hours before, and for a little while after donating.
5. No exercising for at least 6 hours after donating as it can put too much stress on the vein.
6. Some people get away with smoking or vaping nicotine before and after donating, but it's recommended not to for 2 hours before and after. The nicotine can raise your heart's pulse rate.
7. If your pulse rate is 100 or above, you'll be able to do a vitals retake after a 15 minute wait. But if it's 100 or higher again you'll be deferred for the day. If your pulse rate is an issue, listen to "Pink Noise" or "Green Noise" at a low volume before donating which may help reduce your pulse rate, along with its effect on lowering your blood pressure.
8. There is a risk of getting a blown vein if the worker is having a hard time finding your vein when they're sticking you with the needle or if you have small veins. You may get deferred until your vein heals if that happens. But it's ok, your body is able to regenerate your veins with a process called Angiogenesis.
9. There is a risk of blood clots, but when your blood is constantly moving through the machine it prevents that from happening.
10. You may be subject to drug screening. The drug screening tests for methamphetamines, cocaine, and heroin. Certain pharma prescription meds may show up as a false positive so you'll want to let the plasma center know what meds you're taking. Testing positive for these drugs can result in a permanent deferral from donating plasma.
11. A sample of your blood will be drawn periodically to test for certain sexually transmitted infections (STIs). A positive test will result in either a temporary or permanent deferral from donating plasma. If you've ever been diagnosed or received treatment for HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis B (HBV) or Hepatitis C (HCV) you will be permanently deferred from donating plasma.

Donating Plasma with Managed Diabetes
Individuals with well-controlled diabetes can contribute to plasma donation, but certain criteria need to be met:
Absence of Complications: This means no existing diabetic complications affecting your kidneys, heart, blood vessels, or eyes.
Insulin Independence: If you rely on insulin for diabetes management, a three-month waiting period is required after using needles for non-prescribed medications. Additionally, you must be free of symptoms or treatment needs related to blood sugar fluctuations (high or low) for the past three months.

1. Healthy Feet: Active foot ulcers requiring medical attention will disqualify you from donation.
2. Steady Balance: You shouldn't experience dizziness or lightheadedness upon standing.
3. Type 1 Consideration: For Type 1 diabetics, eating within two hours of donation is mandatory.

• Wait a few hours before taking the bandage wrap off of your arm after donating.
• It's recommended to use Vitamin E oil/Mineral oil on the needle site for the puncture area to heal better. A Q-tip can be used to apply it easier. I simply dip the Q-Tip in the bottle, but never dip the used cotton back into the bottle.
• Frequently donating over a prolonged period of time may lead to your body having decreased vitamin D levels.
  
• Red meats are particularly high in the protein vitamins and minerals found in plasma.
  
• Personally, I take a Now brand Vitamin D supplement that contains vitamin D3, Calcium, Magnesium, and Zinc. But I only take a half a dose, 1 gel capsule instead of 2, since I get these from eating meats and other foods as well. It's bad for your health if you take too much of these vitamins and minerals over time. I also take an Iron supplement. I also drink a protein shake before donating. Just to be safe.
  

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Chapter 4
Location: Glimmer Fate
POV: Faror Hend
No rain on the plains in Glimmer Fate. High black grasses make the area extremely hot. Faror Hend is patrolling the edge of the Vitr Sea with her cousin Spinnock Durav. The shore of the Vitr Sea is devoid of life and the breeze coming off of it stings the lungs. The liquid of the sea dissolves almost anything it comes into contact with including stones. Spinnock is sharpening his Hust blade on a stone that has been worn away by the sea. His blade is very old and therefore does not sing. It's new to him, but has been passed down for generations. A third rider in their party, Finarra Stone, was scouting the shoreline out of sight. Nothing lived this close, so it was safe to go alone. Today the Vitr is calm, but recently it has not been and storms had resulted in its claiming more land for the sea. The sea is expanding. Eventually it will come to the border of Kurald Galain if they cannot find a solution. The Tiste have no idea what the source of the Vitr is and how to stop it's expansion. Tiste scholars are also unwilling to consult with anyone outside the Tiste.
Faror Hend is extremely attracted to Spinnock Durav, but their houses are too close in relations for her to act on this attraction. Plus she is betrothed and older, although these would not be a barrier to her. Faror thinks of a line from a Gallan poem, "The ground is bare and hard / and will hold all secrets / and the sky cares not / for the games of those beneath it." She desperately wants to act on her lust, but so far has kept in control. Faror is a big Gallan fan. Spinnock seems to know how his cousin feels and teases her.
POV: Captain Finarra Stone
During her patrol of the Vitr coastline, Finarra finds a carcass. This is puzzling as she has never seen one this close to the sea. It appears to have come out of the sea itself. The corpse is huge with scales and a tail. But a lot of the body eaten away by the Vitr. The head and neck were missing and the top of the torso appears chewed. Very few Tiste had ever claimed to have seen a dragon, but this could be one. However, those legends all had them with wings and Faror did not see any evidence of wings on this beast. A breeze brought the stench to the horse and this caused it to back up a few steps making noise. At this the stump where the neck should be lifted. The creature begins shuffling towards her. With an unbelievably fast lurch it closes the distance and swipes at Faror and her horse with two arms catching the horse with both swipes. Faror finds herself tumbling through the air. She lands on her shoulder and breaks something. The beast is still again after decimating her horse. She decides to head for flatter ground to make better time back to her party. She is the daughter of Hust Henarald and possesses his sword. Her biggest threat now were the naked wolves that roamed Glimmer Fate. Faror contemplates the meaning of dark and light and the impossibility of either without the other. She also says that Mother Dark had been a mortal Tiste woman before embracing darkness. While Finarra is contemplating, something screams at her intending to freeze her with fear. Finarra mortally wounds it as it streaks by.
POV: Faror Hend
Hearing the screams of the wolves and no sound of their prey, Faror fears Finarra is the prey. She has not returned and it has been too long. Faror decides to leave Spinnock at camp and go to investigate. He tells her to be careful and he doesn't want to lose her. She responds by saying that he has many cousins. Faror can hear at least a dozen wolves and knows that it is likely that Finarra is fighting by herself without her horse. Thinking of Spinnock's face, she attempts to replace it in her mind with her betrothed, Kagamandra Tulas. A Tiste who the war had made gaunt. Tulas was of a low house and was under the command of Vatha Urusander. This alone would not have made house Durav attempt a betrothal. However, in the war he had saved the life of Silchas Ruin and by doing so had earned the favor of Mother Dark who would reward him by making him the head of a new High House. She thinks that the war stole Tulas's ability to love anything and she is not sure she can love him either, but she will try.
Eventually she finds the place of the wolf attack. There are many dead wolves. The fighting is over, but she does not see Finarra. She thinks further down the trail she will find wolves eating her corpse. Finarra comes out from behind some boulders. Faror begins to speak, but Finarra tells her to speak softly as something has walked out of the Vitr. Finarra chastises Faror for beginning to follow the path through the grasses that would have led to her death. Faror discovers that she had almost welcomed it. Finarra was tracking whatever had walked out of the Vitr when she came upon Faror. "Small footprints, puddles of Vitr pooled in them" She tells Faror that it is their duty to track it.
POV: Finarra Stone
Finarra in a lot of pain from her shoulder and wolf bites, contemplates the look she caught in Faror's eyes. One that told her she was seeking death. She thinks the cause may be Faror's betrothal to a broken man that may be incapable of love and being in close proximity to Spinnock who oozes it. "Spinnock Durav had been pursued by women and men since he had first come of age. He had learned to not give up too much of himself, since those hands reaching for him desired little more than conquest and possession." Finarra has also caught Spinnock's adoration of his cousin turning in to something else. She knows this kind of torture between them will ruin them. She contemplates how to fix the situation. Transferring one might work, but also thinks of another more sure answer.
POV: Faror Hend
Faror and Finarra are both on the back of Faror's horse. Finarra is unconscious and Faror is having a difficult time keeping her on the horse. She thinks about Finarra only being a few years older than her, but already being a battle veteran. She realizes that the wolves she found were not the ones killed by Finarra, but those of the someone that came from the sea. Faror makes it back to the camp. They treat the unconscious woman's wounds fearing infection.
POV: Spinnock Durav
They had burned away the dead flesh and infection on Finarra's leg hoping they got it all. Finarra has not woken up and is fevered. Spinnock outlines their options whether to stay until Finarra wakes up or to try to transport her as is. Faror informs him that Finarra wanted them to track the stranger from the Vitr. Faror tells Spinnock that Finarra needs a healer and soon, but they also need to track the stranger. Faror will go after the stranger and Spinnock will take Finarra to the outpost. Spinnock follows orders, but now there is a coldness between the cousins.
Following the trail she had discovered the previous night, Faror Hend found several more wolf corpses all killed with savage blows. The path she now followed, if kept straight, would lead directly to Kharkanas. Eventually she comes to a clearing and finds a fair-skinned, blonde woman clothed only in a scaled wolf hide over her shoulders. Everywhere else was sunburnt. She appears young and has no weapon, which is curious considering her roughly cut hair and several wolf corpses. Faror says she means no harm and asks if she is an Azathanai. To this the woman responds, "I know your language. But it is not mine. Azathanai. I know that word. Azat drevlid naratarh Azathanai. The people who were never born." After a few questions that the woman cannot answer, she tells Faror that she recalls nothing not even the sea she came out of or her own name. Faror tells the woman that she will escort her to Kharkanas to meet with Mother Dark and gives the woman a Tiste name until she can recall her own. The name is T'riss. Upon hearing this the woman smiles and says, "I am “born of the sea”. Faror asks if she will walk or ride with her. T'riss says that Faror's horse looks useful and she will have one too. She turns to the grasses and conjures a horse out of them. It seems that it's weight is too much for the grasses used. Looking at Faror, T'riss then conjures clothes, lance, and a sword out of the same grasses. This scares Faror because it is god-like sorcery. "‘Mother Dark.’ T’riss smiled. ‘That is a nice title.’"
Location: 3 days out from Neret Sorr
POV: Sharenas Ankhadu
Sharenas likes the heat. She tans nice unlike most of her cohort. She hates the cold and remembers her time in the campaign against the Jheleck unfondly. She is the commander of her cohort. Her sister and cousin, Infayen Menand and Tathe Lorat, are greatly renowned in the legion and being related to them saw high expectations settled onto Sharenas's shoulders. Her relatives are not currently with the legion. Hunn Raal and Osserc are in the vanguard and Ilgast Rend was not happy to be with them. He questions whether or not Urusander knows what Hunn Raal is doing. Osserc backs up Raal and so Ilgast drops the inquiry. Sharenas thinks Osserc is lying when he says his father knows of and approves this expedition. Sharenas thinks, "Hunn Raal is honourable. He knows what he is doing, and he knows, as do we all, that what he is doing is the right thing to do" She thinks Osserc is impulsive and has a thin skin, but Hunn Raal keeps him from making brash decisions. 3 cousins of Hunn Raal also accompanied them. Serap, Risp, and Sevegg all sleep with Hunn Raal, but their second cousins so it's not illegal. The last of their party is Kagamandra Tulas. He is forbidding and dangerous and hadn't spoken since their departure. They are heading towards the Warden outpost where Tulas's betrothed is stationed. Sharenas asserts that every woman could see that Tulas is dead inside and left his soul in the war. That he longs for death. She contemplates that once Urusander remakes the Tiste into a meritocracy, that arranged marriages will no longer be. Ironically because Tulas had given so much in defense of the Tiste he would be a prize as a husband. She pities Faror Hend and her future with this man. However she considers that Faror, just days after the betrothal, signed up with the wardens to get herself as far away as possible. Sharenas is very interested in witnessing the meeting between Tulas and Faror. She resolves to help Faror out of her predicament although it is only for her own amusement.
POV: Ilgast Rend
Ilgast does not like Hunn Raal or Osserc, thinking the former vain and arrogant and the latter nothing like his father except in appearance. Ilgast does not approve of all the debauchery that his fighting had bought for the Tiste. He thinks that Urusander has lost the plot himself. It wouldn't be long before the legion rebelled under his indifference. He would love it if Draconus was put in his place, but fears this would result in great bloodshed and does not want that. He also knows that if Hunn Raal is allowed to lead the legion in Urusander's absence, civil war was assured. "In a world of blood, everyone drowns". Ilgast is disappointed in Sharenas, thinking she would be wise enough not to fall into the wake of Hunn Raal. He feels he is in the middle of this brewing conflict being of a major house and also a cohort commander in Urusander's legion. Hunn Raal thinks he will help him convince the wardens to join his cause. However, he knows Calat Hustain will not join Hunn Raal. He is far too loyal to his own house. Ilgast remembers when Mother Dark was just a Tiste woman until she found the Gate. "Darkness was many things; most of all, it was selfish"

This complete guide on 902 ANGEL NUMBER MEANING is brought to you by psychics4u.net. For more valuable information, insights and resources, visit: http://psychics4u.net/
902 angel number meaning is completing your life purpose, being social, having great relationships and searching for a spiritual meaning. It is assembles from the root numbers 9, 0, 2 so let`s break it down:
Angel number 9 meaning: when repeating represents being connected to the world. Understanding that you are a part of much bigger system than a single person is the most important point. Although you are unique and having specific dreams, missions and goal you also aware of the fact that you need to work together with other people, nature and the law of the cosmos.

Therefore angel number 902 suggests that there is a part of you that love to be around people, going out to socialize and organizing parties or events. If you find yourself the complete opposite, for example you prefer to be busy and stay at home, watch TV, play computer games or read books, consider going out more.

Hence, one of the basic meanings or messages of this specific number is to be more connected to people. The angels are trying to tell you that if lots of people like friends, family and colleagues will be around you it might change your destiny in a very positive way. New events or situation which you never imagine will be open for you.

Angel number 0 meaning: is the most special angel number of all, zero symbolize a completion, endless cycle and most important a huge potential. The basic meaning denotes you have a great set of skills, with these tools you can manifest everything you want. Sometimes life is rough, we don’t see the light in the end of the tunnel and we falsely believe we can not achieve something we really want. So if you keep on seeing zero or to be more precisely angel number 902, you should trust yourself.

Ignore other people’s opinions because some of them will bring you negative energy. Stay closely only to those who charge you will positive vibrations and inspire you to success. The number zero indicates that you will close a circle, for example if you had a certain task, than if you will be focus on the right action you will be able to complete it successfully.

As an omen for infinity cycle, number zero is at the center of 902 angel number. So your major focus should be on endless actions. This is not a good time to rest, being lazy or procrastinate things you should execute. The angels are sending you an obvious message to wake up. After you will complete the main goal you will be able to rest and reaping the wonderful rewards.

Angel number 2 meaning: number two is all about balance, harmony and cooperation. This is one more reinforcement which indicates you need to be more connected with people. Although number two suggests romance, relationships and marriage, it can also be a sign for cooperation at work, hobbies and other kind of mutual benefit activities.

Two is also a number of decisions. 902 angel number meaning is a big choice you will face in the near future. It might be something very important that will have direct influence on you life path. So in the next few days don’t reply or rush into conclusion too fast before examining the facts. Also don’t worry because the angels will guide you through the journey.

Number 2 is the signification of duality, so remember that there are no mistakes, there is no right and wrong, no black or white and no good decision or bad decision. Even if you will make the incorrect step, you will have a second chance to fix it in the future. The error will be the lesson which will turn into knowledge and great wisdom. Connected again to guardian angel number zero, you will complete the task successfully and the things you have learned by the way will be your new skills.

902 angel number significance

902 angel number significance is related to reassurance. The guardian angels wants you to know, they have been listening to your prayers, they know what you have been dreaming of at night and received vibrations of your wish and prayer from the heart.

You are going to receive it but there is still hard work a head of you. Soon, there might be unexplained coincidences and to be more exact, encounters with new people which you never met before. These people will open doors for you and will redirect the path or the road to a different place, so don’t be closed minded, be willing to listen to new ideas and opinions.

A word of caution: not everyone you are going to meet will be a messenger from god or an angel, there are people who don’t know about it nor believe in 902 angel number significance. So don’t let them to be time wasters, distraction and energy takers.

Another obstacle that might be right on the road is people who want to hurt you. Thus be carful who you listen to or associated with. Look at the warning signs they are there and remember, the angels are watching from the skies, if there is any assistance need, they will do something.
One more critical aspect of 902 angel number significance is your inner voice. If you want to success in real life you have to have a goal and a plan, but also to be complete with yourself. To be sure by 100% about the desires and to be willing to put whatever effort is needed along the road. If you are hesitate or don’t know exactly what you want the opportunity will go away. It might take months or even years until you will get a second chance to spot and act upon the next opportunity.

Develop your intuition and be much attuned with gut feelings, most likely they will never be wrong. Spirituality speaking, the vibrations we are getting from the universe manifest themselves as feelings and emotions inside our body. If we can open ourselves to listen and decipher those messages we can actually speak with the collective subconscious and gain more insight about the future like real psychics.

902 angel number symbolism

902 angel number symbolism is also about not comparing your self to other people. If you will open your heart to get the message from guardian angels, you might be more popular among the social circle. In this position you will find some struggles, not every one will like you or want to be with you and some will be more successful than you.

For example other friends and family members might already have good jobs, bought houses, have been married and are having children and are going to vacations or travel to distant places every few months. The angels want you to know that this is not a race.

Don’t compare your self to what other have or don’t have. 902 angel number symbolism reveals your path, you have unique mission and tasks you have to do, focus on them. Friends, family and enemies has different destination and it should not be mixed or juxtapose.

Also remember: life is not equal to materialism, in fact all fancy stuff and material objects are not the main goal. You might not aware of it right now, but in the end you will realize that spiritualism is more important. Objects, assets and possessions will not make you happy in the end of the line. So if you want to be really fulfilled than pursue happiness with the small things in life, go out to nature, eat good healthy food and do daily mediation.

Don’t live in fear or self doubts, the negative energies will bring bad outcomes. If you will continue on doing it you will attract only misfortune. The world we are living in has its own rules and phases, there are good times and bad time, 902 angel number symbolism is about knowing how to navigate through the rough times and in addition how not to ruin your good fortune.

902 guardian angel number

902 guardian angel number is a representation of everything is going to be OK. The guardian angels want you to success because you are a part of the bigger picture. If we zoom in, we will discover that every life is unique on its own, but as we are connected spiritually there is a higher reason for what is happening on earth.

For an example if something good is happening to you than other people you don’t even know will be benefit from your action as well. This concept is also true in reversed. If and when you feel lucky, you have the feeling that everything is going on according to your wishes it is not a mere coincidence, and it is not only because you have better karma than anybody else. The good fortune is also a result of other people devoting their life to a definite cause, and as a side effect you will enjoy it as well.

The same thing is true backwards, if you are living around people who are participating in evil and harmful activities, than for sure it will have negatives implication regarding to you. You will not be able to claim that you are different from them, staying around in silence is like being a part of it. In the end of the day, active or passive acts are the same when it comes to responsibility.

Guardian angels want you to know that number 902 means protecting yourself from evil forces. They want you to know that they are on your side, but you also have responsibility, you have to guard yourself as well.

Sometimes you are being tested, a specific problem is not actually an obstacle, it is just a trail or a quiz to see if you are ready for the next level. For instant, let’s say someone is walking down the street and see a homeless man or a woman sitting on the sidewalk, asking for a small charity from the pedestrians. If someone will give him or her few dollars even if they don’t have lots of money or even it is just small symbolic amount, it signifies that the monetary energy is working excellent and this person will get some kind of reward.

Money is like water, it should flow back and forward without any blockages. Many people around the worlds want to with millions of dollars in the lottery. They tried every trick and system to guess the right numbers but it didn’t work. Because they have never took the time to check their karma. To find out if something is blocking the good energies.

902 angel number spiritual meaning

902 angel number spiritual meaning is all about being united. Being links to your soul, to the spiritual world and to other people around you, especially family and friends.

Regarding spiritual meaning, you are encouraged to reveal what is the purpose of life. You can start learning about these matters in many ways such as reading quotes from ancient books, biblical verse and scribes, grow an interest about the origin of psychics phenomena like astrology chart and zodiac sign.

All of these will be best explained by a guide, master or guru whom you trust. This person can help you to gain knowledge about the fundamentals of spirituality. Remember that spirituality is not an exact science, there are subjects or interesting topics that can not be explained only by logic or calculation. It is more about feelings and intuitions.

If we take a closer look at angel number 902 we can see a great chronicle path. 0 is the start, 2 is the first two steps in your spiritual journey and 9 means almost completing the mission. These are important phases which symbolize the exact moment of struggles.

At first you will be clueless, you will not know what to do or which direction to choose. However after the first step the horizon will be clear as the sun without clouds. Few steps a head the clouds will fill the skies and you will have serious doubts regarding your choices. From there everything will be smooth until you will reach one level before the end. You will want to quit and go back to your old life. Don’t let all your hard efforts to be a waste of time, endure the complications and you will reach the final destination.

902 angel number in love

902 angel number in love is a good sign. First and foremost the number 2 symbolizes couple, man and a woman in love who wants to share their entire life together. If you are single it usually predicts that soon you will find your soulmate or twin flame. Therefore a good advice is to start go on dating. You are encouraged to register to dating websites or apps, as friends and family to introduce you to potential life partners and just be out there doing what you love or good at and the angel will send nice opportunities.

For those who are already in a relationship, 902 angel number in love predicts a good progress to the next level in the mutual connection. It can take many forms such as engagement, marriage, having kids or just moving to live together at the same house.

Sometime 902 angel number indicates other kinds of partnership like business cooperation or having platonic relationship. It is a wonderful practice to say yes and welcome those correspondences as it has many benefits. Furthermore falling in love takes time, it doesn’t always happen from first site or in one day. The fundamentals need to be built slowly and surely.

902 angel number twin flame

902 angel number means you are on the right way to find your twin flame. The angels are whispering you to forget past relationships. Give a chance for a fresh start, if you want things to be different this time, you have to change something. You can not be the same person you have been in the past. Invent yourself as a better version when it comes to personality, traits and characteristic. You know better, you have experience so use it.

After eight which is Virgo lucky number, number nine is about almost completing the cycle and number 0 meaning is endless opportunities and being complete with yourself. These are powerful indicators that soon you will meet a twin flame. The reason it didn’t happened till now was because you were searching at the wrong places or wasn’t quit ready for a major event which will entwine your soul with another special person.

902 angel number and 903 904 905 906 909 numbers

902 angel number is also associated with: 900, 901, 0903, 904, 905, 906, 907, 908 and 909 on an energetic level. So if you see those numbers as well or instead of 902 the messages are pretty much related to each other but it might have few variations.

Important: if you are ignoring 902 angel number when it repeats itself several times, you will probably see other sequences like 903, 904, 905, 906, 909 trying to grab your attention.

903 angel number meaning: is almost the same as 902, but because it has the number 3, it amplifies the need to be in front of a crowd. Maybe you would like to be a leader in the army or political party, maybe the path of your career should include management or you can also express yourself as a famous artist.

904 angel number meaning: because it has the number4 inthe end it means you will have to work extremely hard in order to be happy. Don’t let this fact to discourage you, on the contrary, it will only motivate you to carry through the mess and obscurity. Furthermore it suggests you have lots of responsibly, so you are not doing it only for you but also to others who are relaying on you.

905 angel number meaning: the number 5 adding to the interpretation an aspect of freedom. You will learn how to use wisely all the resources around in order to have free lifestyle. I can take a form of self employment, creating small home business, living frugal next to nature, travel the world and take care of the environment and animal kingdom.

906 angel number meaning: number 6 is related to money and assets. Everything that related to career, work, finances, occupation and business will brings you huge success. If you will choose this path you might be very happy. But while you are stockpile money don’t forget the spiritual elements of life as well. Don’t become something that you are not. Remember the history, where you come from and what is more important in life than materialism.

909 angel number meaning: this angel number has double 9, it denotes more weight on the spiritual aspects of life. You might have a life changing event, it can be bad or good but for the long run, you will see that it was necessary as a part of spiritual development.

Important 902 angel number sacred signs

9: natural personality traits and values which are good example to others, leadership and a good heart who wants to help people in anyway and at all cost like a saint.

20: there are some secrets that will be reveal to you by guardian angel, you will not see them right away it will take some time. It also might predict a new relationship and special connection with soulmates and twin flames.

29: in numerology dictionary is about being smart, having great wisdom and sharing knowledge. It’s a sign you should be a teacher, guru or spiritual guide in the career path. Solving problems is not a big issue for you especially when it comes to mathematics and logic, but you can be sure that the angels are on your side if you will need their guidance.

90: numerology meaning is idealism and specific point of view. You already know who you are and how you want to live life. Everything is so clear and all that is left is just to go according to the plan.

92: those who keep seeing the number 92 supposed to have high developed intuitions and psychic power. The angels are sending messages to direct you to use it for good reasons. You have the power and need to learn how to control it and when to use it, don’t waste your natural gift on things that doesn’t matter.

209: is an omen to work together. You will not accomplish most of your challenges by yourself. You will need the help of others as well. The angels will come but you won’t see them in person because they will send messengers. In fact those agents won’t even know they have been sent to help, it is your secret mission to spot them.

290: your wishes and dreams are going to be granted, everything is going according to the scheme. Consequently have the confidence to complete your journey. The karma is on your side, if you have been a good person the future is looking very promising.

902 angel number can be seen repeating itself in many occasions during the daily life. Here are few examples to help you spot it: phone number, bus plate, urban zone, calculator, converter, zip code, clock ring, birth date, birthday and many more.

Moreover it can be revealed at any place or any country. Many people reported 902 angel numbers at Quebec, Russia, UK, USA, Philippines, Japan and Korea. And in different languages as well: Hebrew, Chinese, Japanese, English and Nepali.

Our journey began unexpectedly when we became parents in our early twenties. To provide for our family, I worked full-time in retail, without higher education, while my partner pursued her bachelor's degree with my support. Work consumed my days and nights, battling silently with depression and anxiety. 60-80 hour work weeks, and only 1 day off in between. Despite a back injury early on, I continued to ensure our family's stability. Evenings were spent at work, leaving little time for family or personal time, occasionally finding solace in a video game. I sucked at that game but I got addicted to it. It took away negatives thoughts of being a failure as a father, and partner. It took away suicidal thoughts but I was a zombie playing this game. I turned on the music and tired to get lost in this game. My partner managed studies, part-time work, and household chores, feeling increasingly isolated as the primary caregiver. Despite wanting to be more involved, work kept me distant. Six years later, with my partner's graduation. I unexpectedly received a better paying job offer, I hoped for balance. I focused on my health, losing weight and adopting a healthier lifestyle. It was a day and night difference. But as I tried to reconnect, my partner grew more distant, immersing herself in solo activities. She had taken up activities with friends more times in the year than spending time with us. She’d always insist that I not be there so she could get her alone time. At one point I offered to find baby sitting but she said sometimes she just wants be alone which was fair. 2 years passed, she had gone out to more than 2 dozen outings but only a couple date nights with for us. She said she didn’t like planning.
During a girls' night at a bar, my partner expressed interest in salsa dancing, excluding me. Feeling excluded, I expressed my longing for quality time together multiple times, but she insisted on her need for space
Should I be betrayed that she went salsa dancing with random dudes for the first time at a bar? I am jealous, I really wanted to experience salsa dancing with her for the first time. Or that she didn’t bother to consider my feelings when I told her I was uncomfortable with it or that I’d like to at least experience this with her for the first time? Am I being a jerk for feeling this way?
TLDR: I’ve been neglectful so I deserve to have taste of my own medicine? Is it unfair for her to expect me to plan the baby sitting? I feel like a single dad for the amount of times she’s left me with our son to hang out with friends. She’s always said I can do the same to her if I need time with friends but what I have been craving the most is quality time with her, she knows this but says it’s easier to leave the kid with me than to make time for us. We both were young parents and missed out on what most 20 year olds do, so why is she leaving me behind? I’m so lost.
How can I be a better partner? I want to try my best.
We have been engaged for 5 years, she’s afraid to marry me. How do I change this, can I change this?

I discovered Shera's videos quite a few years ago, and loved her humour as well as her message to level up. I started noting down all her little gems. They give me motivation, and a giggle too. I am older, in my fifties, and have been happily married for over 15 years, so I don't need her dating, sugaring, or 'get the bag' advice, but I do love her level up advice. I saw another lady share her notes, so I wanted to as well. There are tons, I've realised! I hope you enjoy them!
~~

How do you become the prize?

If you don’t start as the prize, then you aren’t the prize. If you don’t know if your mind that you are already the prize then you can never be the prize.

~~

How to be more feminine so I can be spoiled more?

It’s a lifestyle. You have to act, fake it until you make it, and create a lifestyle. The days that you don’t feel very feminine are the days that you have to use more of your masculine energy.

Remember to always have a space to come back to that is feminine, and recharge yourself with feminine energy. Create a more feminine environment, wear more feminine clothes, listen to music that is going to help your femininity instead of diminishing it.

Keep things that you like to do feminine and do feminine things. Going shopping, getting your nails or hair done, buying shoes, picking out décor for our rooms, decorating tables, going on picnics, watching girly movies.

Recharge yourself by doing some of those things. You need to be able to recharge your femininity at least once or twice a week.

~~

Live the type of life you want already. It may not be on the scale that you want to live it at, but it needs to be a version of it. For example, if you want to live a soft, feminine life make sure your current life reflects that: your current environment, the current way you dress, the current way you walk, talk and act.

The more you receive, the better treatment you receive, if you can get a provider who can let you live a more feminine life, a softer life, then it's just going to get better and better.

But already live the life you want to live, that way they can only improve you and they see how you treat yourself and see what you like and that’s what they are going to be giving you. Your goals will be met just by dating.

~~

What are some ways to keep him interested in he provides well?

Look good
Make sure you know what his interest are
Talk to him
Make sure he feels like he is the man
Look good when you are out with him
Make sure you are pretty and heads turn ‘ooh who’s he with’
His self-esteem will skyrocket when you go out with him if you look good and he’s not going to want to leave that


~~

Men like women to switch it up as long as it’s classy.

~~

Flower attract bees to them by their bright colours and they smell good. Attract men to you:

· Wear bright pretty colours
· Smell good
· Look fresh, dewy and youthful
· Look attractive

Look like the prize. Look like his fantasy. Look through his eyes: what would he like to see?

It’s not that complicated. Bring it back down to simplicity? What do men like?

Heels
Skirts
Dresses
Makeup
Long hair
Red lipstick
Baby voice
Feminine colours
Make them feel good
Give them compliments
Let them talk
Don’t talk about your boring stuff – they don’t care

Use the formula to get success with men.

~~

If you want to dress casual in jeans and a cute top, still wear heels, hair, full makeup. If you’re going to wear jeans, you’re going to need to wear heels.

Also think about this: what sort of man are you attracting. If you wear jeans when you meet you’re going to get taken to a jeans date. Dress for the life you want.

~~

Comment:
When we had a fight I cut my hair short & bangs & went shopping. He was so glad he said “you look like a different person!” The fight was forgotten & he treated me new again & took me shopping again.

~~

"Life is fun! (...) life is a movie, life is a stage. Get into character... "

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Men don’t care about anything else but what you look like and how you make them feel.

~~

If you’ve let yourself go, level yourself up to the point that their jaw will drop when they see you.

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The only limitations are the ones you believe in.

~~

What do rich men’s wives all have in common besides being pretty?

They’re feminine
They’re classy
They’re not loud and obnoxious
They don’t outshine their husband
They hold back and keep it together in public
They are well proportioned

Shera had a friend who was a little rachet, and she ended up marrying wealthy. She had to totally change everything about herself:

The way she dressed
The way she wore her hair
The way she spoke
The kind of shoes she wore
Her makeup
She had to change it all
How she acted around people
How she spoke to men
She had to change everything
It’s not that she changed who she was inside or her personality
It’s that she changed who she was around men
There’s a difference

~~

Your stock should go up after you get married, not down. If your stock is not rising after marriage you’re doing it backwards. That means still investing into yourself, your beauty, your clothing, into your stash (money, wealth and investments). If you got married and your stock plummeted, that’s your fault.

~~

Loving yourself means putting yourself first as a priority. Knowing your worth and value and not taking any crap from anybody because you value yourself, you love yourself. That’s all loving yourself means. And not talking down about yourself. And knowing that you deserve what you want in life.

Once you do that other people will as well – men, co- workers, your boss, parents, spouse, brother, sister, cousin, whoever. Whoever is in your life at the moment will recognise that you love yourself and that you don’t have to submit to them or that you’re not desperate for their approval. In fact they may start to be desperate for your approval. So make sure you’re putting yourself first.

Don’t be always talking about the other person and what they want or what they think. Don’t care who they are. Don’t care about other people or their spouse or the person they’re interested in. It’s not about them, it’s about you. If they can’t recognise you and they don’t like you, then you are wasting time.

If you have to sit there and be puzzled about why someone is not responding properly or why they’re not doing this or that, it means they don’t like you so just move on and stop trying to waste time worrying about it. You already know that in the back of your mind; you’re just hoping for a different outcome that there won’t be.

Make sure that when you realise you are putting other people before yourself as a priority then you’re not going to get the type of man or people attracted to you that you need. When you can get somebody in the click of a finger and they’re not used to that it means you are valuable and that they are not necessary. They are very unnecessary and therefore they feel like you have even more value because you don’t need them. You don’t need them, they need you. That’s why they seek you out. That’s why they call you, that’s why they ask you out.

Make sure you’re not getting caught up in silliness. If they’re not putting you first, you’re gone. Or you put them on ice; that means you let them figure it out and when they start acting right again then you allow them back into your life. If you’re chasing behind someone, if you’re worrying about someone who ghosts you then you’re not putting yourself first.

And that means you don’t love yourself. A lot of people were taught to act a certain way – not cocky etc – if you don’t, all people see you as is a doormat. You can let down your guards later when they are fully invested in you and aren’t going anywhere, but until that happens they are there to impress you.

~~

How do you fall in love with yourself when you aren’t happy with yourself?

Become happy with yourself:

· Do things that make you happy
· Look the way you need to look
· Continue to do this every day until you are happy

Only you can make you happy

~~

Don’t go out there lookin’ like Plain Jane. Plain Jane gets passed by with the eye.

~~

The key is confidence. You can learn all you want, if you don’t have confidence you can’t pull it off. The key is confidence, knowing your value, and not listening to no dusties. That’s the key, that’s the masterclass right there – be confident.

Be main character energy. Stop caring what people think. Have a goal of what you want and go for it and don’t stop until you get it. Speak positive about yourself and stop dealing with dusties. That’s just it. You do all those things and you’re going to have something. You’re going to get what you’re looking for. That’s it.

~~

It’s not what you look like – it’s how you make them feel.

Are you going to make them feel young again?
Are you going to make life exciting for them?
Do they enjoy being with you?
Do they like being seen out in public with you?

~~

Shera, on when you talk about all your feelings and prior history:

“You’re being an informant on yourself. You’re telling on yourself. You’re giving out all your secrets and revealing everything. So that’s definitely not feminine energy, because feminine energy is naturally dark. You know, it’s water, it’s the cosmos, it’s that. So when you’re revealing everything, when nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re masculine. Because that’s light- everything is known. So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have, because now you’re an open book. And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

~~

“Feminine energy is naturally dark, is water, is the cosmos, is that. So, when you are revealing everything, nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re more masculine, because that is light, everything is known.

So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have because now you are an open book, you’re predictable.

And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

~~

Get them to worry about you, while you worry about you.

~~

How do you find your purpose? You create it.

~~

Leveling up is actually a lot of fun when you are present and mindful about it it’s probably be the best gift you could ever give yourself as a woman.

~~

Stop caring what other people think and live the life you want to live. If you don’t like kissing people’s butts, don’t kiss their butt.

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A lot of women don’t realise that if you just get into your feminine, and you stick with your standards, you can get what you ask for.

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How to become detached and unbothered?

Stop caring. When you care too much, that’s when you can’t detach and be unbothered. Stop caring, become ‘take it or leave it’. That’s your attitude. You will be fine with it or without it.

~~

Comment:

Three years ago I was getting yelled at a public train station (which we had to take because neither of us had a car) by my dusty disgusting ex. I lived in a cheap apartment with four unsavory roomates and their boyfriends. Now I live in a luxury high rise with a conceirge and valet. All I did today was get a facial, sit by the pool and shop. I don’t have to worry about a SINGLE THING and every man in my life treats me like a queen. I’m truly breaking generational curses; my dad left my mom with four kids alone while she worked at Denny’s waitressing overnight. If it weren’t for Shera’s wisdom I don’t know where I would be today but I just give thanks every day that I saw the light. This is my one and only life so why shouldn’t I be living peacefully and bougie.

It’s crazy how fast life can chance when you realize your worth and act on it. Keep on inching further and further; the more luxurious things you do the more the rest of your life catches up. It literally started with me going to the expensive nail salon instead of the cheap one. Then I felt like I deserved more. I moved into a nicer apartment that was out of my budget at first, then a nicer car, then I started buying designer bags and now I live in an ultra-luxurious place. Small steps and the rest of your life will catch up in time. Of course look your best every day and be healthy. And do not give a second of your time to anyone who does not treat you with respect, remember if they’re not adding to your life they are taking away.

The universe somehow just opened up and rains abundance on me. The more you surround yourself with the vibrations of prosperity the more it will be drawn to you. Ella Ringrose on YouTube helped me a lot to draw in money.

~~

Comment:

Shera ever since I started watching you I have levelled up my life completely. I lost 50 pounds and changed my whole look to be more feminine. My husband was so motivated he started making more money and bought me a home and my dream car. He does everything I want now and he feels proud to bring me home his paycheck. I no longer work and just workout every day and focus on my children. A lot of my family members don’t understand this life but I am very happy and comfortable.

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If you give yourself away too easily, your value is low.

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10 Important Habits of a Gold Digger

1)high standards
2)high self-esteem
3)perspective
4)purpose
5)options
6)be unapologetic
7)looks
8)business plan
9) knowledge/value of money
10)stay unbothered

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‘Busy patterns that aren’t classy make you look older’. You can show how classy your clothing is by the cut, colour and pattern, not the brand or designer.

Look to magazines for style inspiration:

O magazine = for older women
Instyle = more youthful

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Comment:
Men need respect, they don’t want your love.

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Wealthy men like women who are thin, feminine, and classy, or classy/sexy.

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Classic = classy. Dress in a way that you wouldn’t look crazy in a photo in 20 years time.

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‘We’re not trying to fit in, we’re trying to stand out.’

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Comment:
Looking beautiful, adore your blouse and that classy backdrop. I have earrings very similar. I have to go out now, I’m over 60 and always look stylish heading out the door . Make up and a cute dress today. You never know who is at the coffee shop 😊

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Be cute, be feminine, don’t talk so much. Let him do the hard work.

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‘You’re not his momma stop acting like it’ video
Women will turn into their man's mother without realizing it! Then he will run.

A lot of times when a woman has been in a relationship for a long time or is married, they start acting like a mother to the man without even realising it. To avoid that, do these things:
· Totally change everything – change how you dress, put more makeup on, wear heels.
· Act ten years younger.
· Don’t be concerned about the things you used to be concerned about.
· Let everything be free and fly.
· If you once worried about dishes in the sink don’t worry about it anymore.
· Change it up.
· If he realises that you stop caring and you just put all that extra energy that you were nagging and trying to organise and keep stuff right or that you were frustrated about – if you took all that extra energy and put it back into yourself – and you stopped worrying about the house and the domestic issues and him doing this, this and that. He’s going to think, ‘Well dang, everything is out of order, now she’s dressing like this and putting on makeup and looking this way, and the dishes aren’t clean anymore, or she’s not nagging me about picking up my clothes and the room is a mess’, then either he’ll get up and do it or he’ll start turning into your father.
· You mirror what they do and they’re gonna start seeing what you are doing by you have to act that way with them.
· You stop cleaning dishes, you start leaving your stuff on the floor.
· You start dressing cute, and say you’re going out.
· You forget to do stuff, or you stop helping out because you don’t want to damage your nails or the Real Housewives is on.
· Start doing the same thing to him – he watches sport, you say, ‘Oh Housewives is on, I wanna watch it. I don’t wanna watch it later.’
· You don’t do any of this like it’s revenge, just like you joined him in not being responsible, or joined him with more relaxed rules.
· He might like it. He might be like ‘you’re so laid back, you look happy today’.
· Then he might start cleaning up more because it’s not an order.
· But as long as you’re happy and not nagging him, he’s going to do it voluntarily.

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How you act and how you make him feel will give you more power to get what you want.

· Look good
· Be more feminine
· Speak softly
· Smile
· Laugh at whatever he is saying and make him feel good about who he is
· Let him talk more than you
· Feed his ego
· Act vulnerable and he will want to do things for you, will want to please and impress you

(I added:
· Ladylike, dainty, girlish, delicate, compassionate, considerate, sympathetic, tolerant, warm-hearted, gracious
· Calm, refined and tasteful
· Agreeable, friendly, good-natured,
· Kind, moral, pleasant, delightful)

That’s how you get what you want.

Our power is in our femininity, not in our masculinity, not in being in competition with a man, but making them weak because we are giving them exactly what no-one else does and so they’re not used to it and they yield to it and want more of it and they’re going to do what you want.

Being feminine is the key to getting what you want. There is no magic formula; it’s just ‘being feminine’. Work on that and you will get what you want. Work on your baby voice. Work on asking men for things and help, feeling vulnerable around them and stroking their ego and you can pretty much get what you want, especially if you choose the right target. Don’t go up and choose someone who has a thousand options, go up and choose someone who feels lucky to be with you and who will act accordingly.

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Men don’t like jealous women. You look insecure if you show jealousy. If you feel jealous, act like you don’t care – laugh it off.

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Men don’t like to be told what to do or have someone running their life. They don’t need you to offer them suggestions – this will just make them feel like a child, emasculated and they will rebel.

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Have a hobby and have a life.
Have your own life.
Make yourself number one.

Make sure he likes you more than you like him. If he really likes you he is going to chase you and not let you go, and you don’t even have to do anything to make this happen.

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I am not a people pleaser. I live for myself not others. And that’s how you have to be to be unbothered. Be unbothered always and you will live your best life.

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I live in a fantasy world every day. That’s why I can create the world that I want.

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A dream woman is motivation for a man in every way. If you no longer motivate him, you are no longer his dream woman.

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A good actress will melt into her role.

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Instead of waiting and having regret later, make the decision now to do what’s best for you, not what’s best for the outside world and what they think. Do what’s best for you in the long run, not what’s best for you right now in this one moment which will pass. Think ahead. Right now is gone. As soon as you think about it, it’s gone.

~~

To be a dream woman and to be worshipped by the man you are with, you have to stay focused on you. Don’t be about him. A man’s dream woman does not mean she is all over him. She has a life. Keep a healthy distance instead of being extra clingy. That way you stay on his level. Make sure you appeal to his friends (in a classy way) too. He will see that others appreciate you and know that he has the prize.

~~

“Put outfits together in your mind when negative people are talking.”

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How to be unbothered?

Comments:

‘Fake it till you make it. That’s what happened with me I started to pretend that it didn’t bother me. Now I’m literally so unbothered and focused on myself.’

‘When you are showing that you’re upset or bothered, you are giving them power to know they affected you. I love everyone but I do not argue. I have trained myself not to get emotional even at my husband or family. Being this way also makes you more respected, it’s part of your charisma.’

‘Being unbothered is a choice.’

~~

Comment:

If you're over 35 the best ways to look young is to drink a gallon of water a day....it's good for wrinkles..and helps your makeup glide on like butter.

Eat less and eat as much green as you can (Kale, Broccoli, Spinach) so you can be as slim as possible so that you feel good in your clothes....

Work out to increase your confidence...

Dress your age....nothing worse than a woman who dresses out of her age range...makes you look like you're trying too hard...

~~

Build confidence by not accepting that you have low self-esteem. Every day improve yourself so your self-esteem gets higher and higher. Don’t wallow in it, don’t accept it. Every day tell yourself what you want:

I look good
I feel good
I’m great

Tell yourself that. Give other people compliments, and they will give you compliments. Before you know it, you’ll have high self-esteem. You have to work on it, it doesn’t come automatically. It took a long time to tear down your self-esteem, and it takes a moment to pull it back up.

Just work on it, keep moving forward. Don’t let anyone put you down again.

~~

How to keep your husband interested

· Less communication
· Less giving of information
· Spend more time apart
· Don’t get so close that he is going to want to back up
· You have to get close then back up, get close then back up again
· Look your best at all times
· Don’t smother people and they won’t try to escape you
· Have a life
· Have things to do
· Have a to-do list that does not require that person

Go out and do things. He will appreciate you more when you get back. He will wonder what you’ve been doing. He will anticipate your return.

Don’t let him conquer you. When men have conquered a woman, they will move on. If he doesn’t feel like he can ever conquer you, he will try harder. Never let him feel like he totally has you.

~~

Masculine people (men or women) tend to run to the rescue of others.

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Shera, on uplevelling your looks and being your best every time you step out the front door: Don’t let life pass you by. Life is short. Life is very short.

Comment on Shera’s video: My mom went through a season where she dressed up and it just made our whole family and home come alive. I remember when my mom walked into the living room all fixed up and my little cousin's eyes just lit up. He said be careful don't touch her lol. He literally went from seeing her as a plain ol’ aunt to a princess. He was so young, but he couldn't fake it; that was his instincts.

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· It’s not about looking young, it’s about looking good.
· If you miss an opportunity to be levelling up, you are only cheating yourself.
· Stay ready.
· Every day do something to improve yourself - hair, exercise, mindset, self-esteem
· Enjoy getting ready – be creative
· If you’re wearing makeup, go bold. Men want to see the makeup.
· Men like it when you look your best. When you’re out in public, people are judging a man’s status by the type of wife he has, how she looks. You add status to any man that you are with.
· If you are attractive, you will have a lot of friends inviting you out. They will use you to attract attention because you look good. They are going to gravitate towards you and associate you with success. Your appearance will get you further than almost anything else.

~~

When you’re trying to lure a man in, dress for that man. Men do pay attention to what you look like.

Broke men pay attention to your silhouette. They look at your body because they just want to have sex with you.

Men with money pay attention to what you wear: your clothes, your shoes, your jewellery, your shoes, your hair, everything. Are you appropriate? If he wants to take it to the next level and take you out and get to know you, start a relationship, introduce you to his friends, he isn’t just looking at your body.

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The better you look, the more successful he looks.

~~

Men are visual creatures. Everything men do is based on that they see. How they treat you is based on what they see.

If you go without makeup, hair not done, and dressed badly, you won’t get the same treatment even by the people who see you every day. When you look good, the people around you have a little bit more respect for you. They see you looking pulled together and to see you any other way is foreign to them.

When you are levelled up, keep this in mind, don’t backslide. When a man meets you looking good, he wants to see you like that for your entire marriage. He doesn’t want you to let yourself go.

Try hard to keep yourself up during your marriage; how you looked when you met him is how he wants to see you forever more.

Men are very visual creatures, so when they see us looking bad, it upsets them. It literally makes them clench inside a little bit because they are so affected by the visual.

You are like a Christmas tree or a beautiful ornament. It’s a pleasure to look at you and they’ll want to be around you just for that.

People may treat you badly because you didn’t keep up your looks - a man could be speaking to another woman or ignoring you.

~~

“Just act and dress like a feminine lady. You’re making them feel younger by being in their presence. Watch 1950s Hollywood movie stars to watch how those ladies acted.”

Never help a man level up as they will always put you in a maternal role and look at you as a mother figure.

How to change your mindset:
1. Tell yourself that you are no longer allowing people to make you feel bad about something – that’s your choice.
2. Decide that you want to be better, and each day take action towards being better. Your self-esteem will rise from this.
3. Surround yourself with like-minded people so you can influence and help each other.

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People who talk less are generally more well respected.

~~

“Look for the positive in every negative comment or situation, and you will find it every time.

Whatever your weakness is, make it your strength, to fuel you to the next level. That’s how you really level up from inside. Face your weakness head on. If someone calls you fat, flaunt it. Say, ‘So what? Yes, I eat, I haven’t seen a rib in many decades, but I’m happy. I got a lovely husband, nice house, nice car.’

Instead of being a victim about it, empower yourself with it. Your flaw can be your power. It can be your power if you take it and embrace it and stop focusing on it as an insecurity. The more you focus on something as an insecurity, the more other people will focus on it because they know it’s your weakness and that’s how you get affected. Whatever your flaw is, turn it into something that can give you more than it can take from you. If people say it’s a flaw, take it and turn it into a power.”

~~

Don’t listen to what people say; what do you think? Opposition creates interest.

~~

· Be extra feminine in the way you dress, speak, act.
· Be charming - smile, don't argue (and then do exactly what you were going to do anyway).
· Ask for help from your man - opening a jar, lifting something, reaching up high, anything - they love it. Do this three times a day. Say things like 'It's too heavy for me'. Doing this makes them feel protective of you.
· When you are offered help, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine baby-voice.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every day to men everywhere so that it becomes second nature. Things such as asking a man for assistance at the supermarket and smiling and saying thank you in a feminine voice.
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you.
· Look your best, put on makeup every day, smell good, be well groomed, have nice nails.
· Speak to him as if he's a person and not a child - don't try to control him. Mothers control their children and men don't want to have sex with their mother.
· Ask for what you want, but do it in a feminine way.
· Act like the prize to be the prize.
· Be unpredictable - men will get bored of you if you are too predictable. If you are unpredictable it is exciting to them plus scares them a little too. They will wonder why you are different.
· Don't talk so much.
· Mirror how he acts to bring him closer. Say your man is a bit distant; my natural inclination is to wonder what is wrong, try and talk to him etc. That is clingy, a better way to behave is mirror that - be busy doing your own things, happy but busy and let him come looking for you when he comes out of his cave.
· Be feminine in everything you do - surround yourself with reminders of your femininity - i.e. a pink phone cover.
· Be the receiver not the giver.
· Let him think up ideas, with your subtle input.
· Hardly ever text or call him at work, unless you need him to pick up something.
· Dress up every day for no reason.
· Smile.
· Always be levelling up.
· Have a plan B.
· Don't tell him your plans for the day or where you have been - be a little mysterious and let him wonder what you've been up to.
· Keep the mystery alive with privacy - closet, bathroom etc.
· Don't do everything together.
· Have hobbies and interests of your own.
· Make him feel like a man by asking his advice, seeking help from him, not trying to tell him what to do etc.
· Keep up with new trends and the latest styles. Try new looks, buy new clothes, look cute.
· Make him feel younger by being fresh, new and exciting.
· Be excited by life and easily impressed.
· Go on vacation, go out to places.
· Do new things and turn him on to new things. Do new things in bed.
· Change your looks - look different, be different.
· Listen to the latest music.
· Keep up with the latest trends in things.
· Be an exciting adventure.
· Be happy go lucky, not a care in the world, everything is fun.
· Head up, chin up, look around, smile.
· Get all excited when you talk about little things.
· Light up when you talk to people.
· Bring a high energy.
· Wear your hair long and straight or smooth-wavy.
· Be seasonal - with your look/outfit, eating, décor.
· Reinvent yourself regularly.
· Play different characters for fun.
· Channel someone else when you go out.
· Be constantly changing and improving.
· Be a lively woman - bubbly, happy, exciting, smiling, lifts their spirits, fun to be around.
· Grab his hand and pull him along like a child.
· Be energetic and breathe life into others.
· Mirror his body language about 10-30 seconds later.
· Try new things, new looks.
· Practice your charm on waiters etc.
· Be a people watcher in different environments depending on the lifestyle you desire.
· Look from the outside in - how do people view you? How attractive are you?
· Transform yourself.
· Be his ultimate fantasy girl.
· Look good, do your makeup every day.
· Speak to your him as if he is a person and not a child.
· ‘Can you help me/lift that/get me a blanket?’ in a baby voice. Get him used to looking after you. ‘This is too heavy for me, I can’t reach it’. Do this three times a day minimum.
· Ask for what you want in a feminine way.
· Use the baby voice.
· Be extra feminine.
· Be charming – smile, don’t argue – agree (but do exactly what you want anyway).
· Ask for help from men.
· When you are offered anything, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine nature.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every do so that it becomes second nature to you – it will become easier with practice.
· Ask questions and smile.
· Play a bit dumb (not stupid; request their knowledge).
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you – practice on any man to get better.
· Never get too comfortable (don’t let yourself go).
· Keep the illusion going – makeup, hair, lotion, fragrance.
· Look like you did when you first met (me: 66-67kg, long blonde hair, stylish clothes).
· Men are visual creatures and your hair is foremost – long, silky and straight.
· Have your makeup on, look cute.
· Shera’s husband treated her differently when she gained weight and then lost weight.
· Shera’s advice to a lady who gained 40 pounds and now her husband isn’t attracted to her: ‘Lose 40 pounds’.
· Still look sexy even if you’ve been together a while.
· Exfoliate your face and body.
· Have glowing, moisturised skin.
· Use highlighter on your face.
· Wear perfume, body lotion, nicely scented products.
· Wear red lipstick, eye makeup.
· Wear light, modern perfumes.
· Have simple, nice nails.
· Tell him that whatever you want is your ‘ultimate fantasy’.

~~

If you want to be married to a rich man, dress like a rich man’s wife.

~~

Be unbothered

It’s so amazing to just not care. You have no idea how much better your life gets when you stop caring. When you stop caring about stuff that’s not beneficial to you, everything blossoms, everything. Because your attention is no longer on anything negative, it’s all on you, and so you blossom.

How to keep your man chasing you? Be busy, don’t call him all the time. Have a hobby or a business and let him have to go looking for you.

~~

Did you ever feel insecure about your weight?

“No.

At any weight my mental game was tight, it was good. I could get anything I wanted, so it never really held me back. The only thing that would ever make me feel insecure about anything is… I really don’t have a lot of insecurities anymore. I had the normal insecurities of a child. But when I grew up and I understood that you could take your power from any situation, you no longer have insecurities.

If I was insecure about my weight, I wouldn’t be up here on YouTube, and if someone says something about how I look, I don’t care. I say Okay yeah and so what? I’m eating good, I’m living good. It doesn’t bother me, because that’s not what defines me. I’m gonna get paid skinny or fat. I’m gonna be happy at whatever makes me feel happiest. So it’s all about how you feel about yourself and how you value yourself. You don’t base your self-worth on what other people think about you.

And the reason why I teach people you gotta look good if you want to turn heads and make men cross the room is because if you are trying to get a date, yes, you have to be concerned with what other people find attractive. But that should not ever play a role in your own personal self-esteem.

Whatever you need to feel good at the time, tomorrow or today, that’s what you need to be doing.”

~~

I recently moved to a downtown apartment. There is a restaurant next door, and their kitchen chimney makes intermittent noise 24 hours a day (7 days a week). Sometimes it stops for 15 minutes and then starts again. I didn’t pay much attention to this while viewing the apartment because downtown apartments can have various noises, but I didn’t realize it would be a constant issue. The humming, low-frequency noise from the chimney even bothers me at night. As I work from home, I’ve had to wear earplugs constantly in this noisy environment.
I reached out to the apartment management office, and they mentioned that there are quieter apartments available, but they come at a higher cost. I’m okay with everything else in this new apartment except for the noise.
Is there anything else I could try except moving out? I bought a bunch of furnitures recently and they could be a big burden when moving out (most of them are heavy)
Is there a policy in Regina that restricts noise during specific hours, such as from 9 pm to 8 am? Why is it allowed to make noise 24/7?

https://youtu.be/rPIEBohSojI?si=4k_85P9EeZRXVjxQ
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rem/getup.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going back to 1998 with the band’s sixth studio album titled Green. Specifically, we are going to be talking about the second song from the album “Get Up.”
“Get Up” was the album’s fourth and final single and had a music video directed Eric Darnell who would later co produce animated movies like Antz and Madagascar. To me, this song is the perfect combination of the band having fun while displaying thought provoking lyrics and great dynamics.
The song actually begins with the music of the chorus, minus the Michael’s vocals, only including Mike’s faints vocals. The tempo of the songs really cements the idea of getting up with its fast paced drum beat, fast electric chord changes and a killer bass line. You also have some guitar slides from Peter which add to the overall textures of the song.
When we get into the verse, Bill’s drumming is less forward and fits the stop and go rhythm from Peter’s guitar strumming. We also get some hand clap percussion every now and again which adds to the bubblegum pop soundscape of the song. At the end of each line that Michael sings, we get an additional vocal from Michael singing “get up, get up!” Now you may be wondering, why isn’t it Mike singing this part? While I’m sure it was deliberate, it fits the backstory to this song. Michael wrote this song about Mike, who at the time of this album’s record session, was sleeping in late every day. So this song was basically a call for Mike to get up and work on recording the album. Funny thing is that Mike didn’t find this out until the late 1990’s when Michael told the story before playing the song during a show.
Although I think there’s more to be said about this lyrics. Sure, in the verse they are pretty simple “sleep delays my life, where does the time go? I don’t know.” Someone is sleeping away their days. And after Michael sings “you’ve got all your life” you get Mike singing “way up ahead” which ends with him singing in a falsetto for the word “ahead.”
But when the band goes back into the chorus, I feel like Michael’s lyric could take on different meanings. When he sings “dreams they complicate my life” he could be singing about actual dreams you have when you are sleeping, or maybe even nightmares. But he could also mean dreams where you aspire to do or be something. And in that sense he might be saying that his dreaming is getting in his way. I just love how the different vocals over layered on top of each other in an almost dream state way. And I like how the band opened the song with the chorus because the chorus seems to be the person dreaming and the verses are someone telling this person to wake up. Plus the chorus ends with Peter’s slide guitar and the chorus progression seeming to climb higher and higher with Mike’s vocals as if someone is waking up from a deep sleep.
In the second verse we have Michael empathizing with this person by telling them that life is hard and how they see them laying down which is similar to what he sings in the chorus. He’s sings about not knowing where to turn to in life when you face challenges and I like this lyric because it’s extremely relatable to me.
After the second verse we get another chorus. And something else I wanted to point out is that after Michael sings “dreams they complicate my life” you have another vocal singing “dreams that complement my life.” I feel like this goes back to the theory of this song being about two different meaning of the word “dream.” People dream because it complements a life style they want to create for themselves. But if you can’t make your dreams come true then they can possibly ruin your life. I also feel like some of Michael’s vocal phrasing, especially in the verse, remind me of how he sings “Hairshirt” but with a lot more energy and faster overall. Both songs even usual a similar lyric with “my life.”
Now is the time we get to the bridge and it may be the weirdest bridge that the band had created up to this point in their career. The bridge is just a bunch of toy music boxes being played at the same time, backed by a kick drum that reminds me of a heart beat. The idea is this bridge actually comes from Bill who actually came up with the idea from a dream he had. I know this sounds too good to be true but it’s real! And as weird as it is, it works perfect for this song. The dissonance of the music boxes is kinda creepy sounding at first, but it definitely fits the theme of dreaming and sleeping.
Bill leads the band back into one last chorus with a decent drum fill. And this time around Michael sings “this time, no escape, I wake up” as is the person in this song realizes that they are sleeping their life away and now they are going to wake up and do something about it. That post chorus seems to last a little longer as the band builds and ascends as Michael sings another round of “get up, get up!”
And just like that, the song is done. In less than three minutes even! Although this song was one of the weaker singles commercially for the band up to this point, I think this is one of their best songs, especially on Green. It’s a song that’s short and to the point, but it has a lot of different ideas between the lyrics’ double meanings and interesting production choices. Michael’s energetic singing is top notch and it has everything I love in a R.E.M. song. If I had a chance to see the band live, I would have loved to have heard this one.
But what do you think about this song? Is it a stronger song from Green? What do you think the song is about? Favorite musical or lyrical moments? And did you ever catch it live?

We got our 18 month old vaccinated on the 6th . About 5 to 6 days later , she developed a low grade fever and a runny nose that has yet to pass . The fever never got higher than 100.9 . But the runny nose has been difficult. I wonder if it’s normal for her to have it for over a week now and how long it will last ? 😭😭 also , we have been keeping her at home , when is it okay for her to go to parks and such ?

I'm continuing to check in on my progress in case it's helpful for anyone else. I'm switching from Prozac 10mg to Lexapro 5mg after a two-day pause in between. Hoping to treat anxiety and dysthymia (chronic mild depression).
The headline of week 5 seems to be that my side effects are declining, but nothing super exciting is happening in terms of positive effects. My anxiety is probably lower overall, but until/unless the dysthymia budges as well, it's hard to feel excited about that, since mild depression plus mild fatigue minus anxiety usually results in just sitting around feeling unmotivated and gloomy.
That said, I'm on a very low dose so it might not be reasonable to expect major positive effects. I still plan to stick it out for at least 8 weeks on this dose to give it a fair shot so I don't increase unnecessarily (since this could also increase the amount of side effects I have to deal with long term and give me less runway to increase the dose down the road if it ever stops working for me).
Week 1:

• Mild headaches in the mornings of the first couple of days
• Intermittent sleepiness or restlessness/agitation (more of a refusal to settle down and focus on one thing rather than a need to move)
• Dry mouth
• Constipation starting around day 2
• Anxiety felt a little... different? Not gone but a little bit of a new vibe, like it was more distant and not grabbing onto real-life concerns
• Sometimes having a bit of trouble remembering a word or picking up a train of thought
• Vivid dreams! I actually enjoy these though.
• Notably, I didn't seem to get ANY nausea, and no remarkable insomnia (maybe a bit more trouble drifting off occasionally?)

Week 2:

• Falling into a pattern of mild depression in mornings (a feeling of bleakness and disinterest in doing anything), and the weird distant anxiety in evenings
• Lots of sleepiness in the morning, seem to be able to sleep in as long as I let myself
• Constipation may be improving but I upped my Miralax dose a lot
• Probably some sexual side effects but hard to tell, as Prozac also caused these for me; I'm ultimately hoping to find a medication that doesn't do this but willing to give this one a while if the med works otherwise, especially since there are reports that this is sometimes temporary for lexapro users
• Difficulty swallowing has returned along with lack of appetite (these are anxiety symptoms for me), but not as severe as it was pre-prozac; I was kind of expecting this during the transition period since anxiety gets worse before it gets better
• Vivid dreams remain; occasionally these have been nightmares but still consider this side effect more interesting than bad

Week 3

• Noticing more sleepiness throughout the day, not sure if it's actually getting worse or I'm just more aware of it because I was more forgiving of it early on and now it's been going on long enough to start to have impacts on my life functioning; on some days I haven't wanted to get up in the morning and then have started thinking about going to bed in the late afternoon
• Still weird/vivid dreams; I think I'm also waking up a bit more frequently in the night but without trouble getting back to sleep
• Anxiety seems in the 'normal' range for me, which is higher than I want it to be but not necessarily heightened any additional amount by the med adjustment
• Also kind of gloomy and demotivated which seems to go hand in hand with the sleepiness
• Maybe some trouble concentrating
• Sexual side effects continuing
• Constipation seems to be gone
• Low appetite but less difficulty with eating and swallowing

Week 4

• Some very sleepy, brainfoggy days, others where I felt more normal
• Mood was still mostly in the range where I would expect it to be when unmedicated (one morning did feel like a more positive mood)
• Sexual side effects continuing
• Appetite was high
• Lots of vivid dreams
• More insomnia (trouble falling asleep, waking up during the night) but still not enough to be a dealbreaker

Week 5

• Some mornings were more groggy, others were more alert. I wasn't noticing major fatigue symptoms outside of the mornings as much but I think I'm still sleepier than my unmedicated baseline
• Once or twice I noticed brainfoggy symptoms like having trouble finding the word I wanted or losing my train of thought
• Vivid dreams are continuing but I'm starting to get dreams with less stressful plotlines more often
• Sexual side effects seem to have faded
• Appetite is good
• Still having occasional insomnia and usually waking up once or twice in the night to use the bathroom, (which doesn't happen to me off meds); this isn't super bothersome for me as I fall back asleep easily
• I feel like my baseline anxiety levels are probably lower, though I did have a couple of anxiety spirals in response to specific events; the fact that they were noteworthy and countable seems like a positive sign
• 2 brief (a few hours) phases of what felt like a break from my dysthymia

I am 24M Techie in Bangalore, India. No friends no girlfriend. Most people whom I used to call "friends" were just playing friends as I was there cash machine(Got to know this an year back, when I had a fight with one of them). Moved in Bangalore an year back.
Background:
Most of my year during festival season either I was injured or had some kind fever so couldn't celebrate anything no got chances to make friends or interact with people. My birthday was also in Dec end, so never got a chance to celebrate in school. My parent were not strict normally but when I used to go out as high schooler (Class 8 to 10), they used to ask lot of question, so I kept myself to my room.
Fast forward:
Now I am Bangalore, people, chilling going out, what food do you like, asking body count, asking how many places I have visited, which place did I like ? How many girlfriends did I had in past ? How many friends do you have ? Who is your best friend ? Where do you wanna go ?
What should I tell these people ? . That I am lonely person who did nothing apart from studying who is slowing heading towards su[eye]c[eye]de ?
These question make me realize that apart from studying i did nothing at all. My interaction with people are zero, I cannot read the situations. Cannot talk to girls. Now with all these my parent want me marry.
Today:
For passing some time and to escape from these bad thoughts, I downloaded Instagram for very first time. For first few days it went good until I clicked the share button, then I realized that I am really a very very lonely person, and it's not just my thoughts, but in reality.
Since I lived my most of my life in loneliness, I thought I can even do it for all my live years. But this loneliness and these thoughts are not leaving me.

If you're curious about my thoughts on previous Yakuza games, here are my much shorter (except for 4, thats pretty long too) reviews for Kiwami 1, Kiwami 2, Yakuza 3 (Remastered), and Yakuza 4 (Remastered).
All of my reviews are made pretty quickly after I finish the game, this was written right after I finished but I haven't posted it till a month later because its so long I thought no one would ever read this but whatever I gotta get my truth out there.
Per usual I played the remaster of Yakuza 5. I'm not sure of any outstanding changes or things of note like with 3 or 4, but if something I say is exclusive to the remaster please let me know! I may sound overly praising or overly critical of this game, who knows but please be kind when you tell me i'm an idiot for feeling the way I do! Lastly and most importantly please please please don't spoil future games in the comments! Also warning I'm way too active in the comments section.
Because I am an utter psycho and decided to write a fuckin bibles worth of yakuza 5 ramblings, Part 1 is just reviewing the plot and Part 2 goes over everything else. I split this up last second so there's likely some spots where I say something like "we'll expand on this later" then I never bring it up again, that's because it's probably in part 2. If you want my thoughts on things like the substories, side stories, gameplay, and settings you can read Part 2 here: https://www.reddit.com/yakuzagames/comments/1cvrybw/yakuza_5_a_mega_big_ole_reviewsummary_for_a_big/
The Plot:
Like with Y4, I will discuss my thoughts on each section of the game rather than in one long chunk just because I find it more fun. I'm not even gonna try to not summarize this time because this game is so big it needs broken down.
Part 1: Kiryu
You might often find me compare Y5 to Y4 a lot in this review because they're honestly quite similar games and feel like a package. When I started playing 4 I was worried I wouldn't like playing as primarily strangers for a majority of the game, but one thing they did absolutely right was making Kiryu the final protagonist you play as in that game. So going into 5 I was very apprehensive about starting off with Kiryu, I worried they showed their hand too soon and that it would be difficult to stay invested the whole time.
With this feeling going into the game, I was immediately somewhat losing it over Kiryu being an incognito taxi driver with the worst disguise of all time (some sunglasses and a face mask, don't worry he's literally the only one in the game that seems to think it's a good disguise). Right off the bat, this game feels...sad. Kiryu watching Haruka giving an interview on the TV and storming out rather then defend her to some losers who don't get what ART is, was SAD. This part of the game felt so mundane for awhile, but not in a bad way! You wakeup as Kiryu, walk to work, drive your taxi, and go home late at night (usually) alone. The whole time my eyes were drawn to a facedown picture frame and wondering what it could be, but I certainly had a guess. Kiryu is going through a hard, isolating, and depressing time and you can feel that so well from the game and how they have you play as him. Anyways there's also a random gal named Mayumi that will not leave Kiryu alone despite him asking her to. All you're doing by the end of chapter one is going "Huhhhhhhh?" Anyways Kiryu is approached by two dudes named Morinaga and Aizawa in chapter 2, telling him Daigo was???? Kidnapped?? GASP.. Admittidly I wasn't too fond of this duo at first. One thing that was consistent through my playthrough is that I was completely incapable of predicting anything correctly, and it had felt like these two were gonna be my pals for the rest of the game and I just wasn't clicking with them. Not to mention this weird semi-one sided-romance going on with Mayumi.
In chapter 3, we begin with the most heartbreaking thing that could ever happen to me, Yakuza 3 superfan. Kiryu has been pushed out of running the orphanage by a lady named Miss Park. It's all making sense now. He does it so the orphanage can have money and so Haruka can follow her dreams. DOESNT MAKE IT EASIER TO DEAL WITH FOR ME :( . Then we meet Watase, first thoughts? I was like "god I hope this guy isn't the main villain he's kinda lame" Soon after we meet Aoyama and I thought literally the same thing. Clearly by this point in the game I didn't have the highest hopes. I was mostly sad and not liking most of the new characters. But then... things take a turn.
Mayumi was actually a spy! thank god honestly. Kiryu meets Aoyama again but then Morinaga shows up and fuckin kills Aoyama and says he buried Aizawa alive HOLY SHIT? and then soon after I'm told Majima is fucking dead. Figured he wasn't actually dead cuz I've seen pictures of him from later games but holy shit I somehow cried just at the THOUGHT of him being dead. Also at some point here we met a detective who is an important player in this story but at this point not too integral. Also before Kiryu leaves he picks up the picture frame and its the orphanage ;-;
Kiryu final thoughts: This part of the game was fantastic. I'm so glad they started with Kiryu in this case despite my initial unsureness with it. Chapter 4 especially is when everything really falls into place and starts going 100 miles an hour but I also love the slowness of the previous 3 chapters. I do wish we got more Morinaga as this is unfortunately the last we hear of him despite this being a wonderful set up to a really interesting villain. Mayumi was a pretty shit character per seemingly always with any full grown woman in Yakuza games. While I think it's cool she was secretly a spy she was clearly an afterthought as we never hear about her again so that's cool. Basically a mixed bag of new characters overall.
Part 2: Saejima
I jokingly said to myself "Wouldn't it be funny if I had to spend half of this section breaking out of prison again. Thank god that's not the case." and continued hanging out with Majima until I was arrested for two more years of serving my sentence and OH NO IM BACK IN THE BUILDING.
Yeah I was VERY unsure about breaking out of prison again being a good call. Thankfully, and sorry to Y4, this is a much better prison sequence. Another thing I was really unsure about was BALD SAEJIMA! But actually... it kinda slays harder? In Y4 he looks like that guy from the game The Hatred (an insult) maybe it wouldn't be so bad if bro washed or brushed it but he never did and so instead bald was a slay. Anyways We're dropped in at nearly the end of Saejima's serving period with his group of friends/cellmates, newest one being some dude named Baba. We are relentlessly tortured by the scariest man I've ever seen, Viktor Zsasz-I MEAN! Kugihara. Who's honestly scarier looking then Zsasz somehow. But it is ON because Viktor Zsasz framed my bestie Baba and I will not let that slide so I beat the fuck out of him and it's revealed Zsasz was instructed to be a dick to me. By who??????????????????? Then it's double revealed to me that Majima is dead and I'm sad all over again :(
Turns out our warden is actually really chill and nice and somewhat tries to help us survive. What a breath of fresh air after Satan (Saito) from Y4. This guy is so cool infact we are encouraged to break out by him. So Baba and I do in the dead of the night and tell me why I cried over leaving my two other cellmates ;_; they were such bros. Zsasz hinders my escape and we fight, but my absolute PAL Himura fuckin shoots him it was an amazing turn of events and I cheered so loud and was devastated to leave him behind but anyways-
FUCK YEA SNOW MOBILES (they were kinda jank to control honestly but its the thought that counts). I am so glad I didn't know I was going to be fighting a bear going into this because that was easily the most camp thing ever and so hilarious. Then some old guy saves me (and later Baba) and we chill in the mountains for a little while. The mountain has a whole crazy detailed side story of it's own that I'll explain in more detail later but basically it was cool.
So then a ton of important stuff happens in Tsukimino, most notably we hang out with Baba in a bar which is great because I love Baba and him and I are super tight and he's easily the only person I could ever trust at this point without potential for betrayal! :)
Anyways me and Baba fuckin kidnap this guy because his chair is by a sewer manhole? He's gone in a flash so all I can imagine is dragging him down the hole by his ankle or something. Then we talk for awhile, Majima is mentioned woohoo, THEN HE'S sniped! The way I gasped. Longstory short :( Baba is the one who sniped him and not only that he kind of set everything up and wasn't my best pal all along :( Why Baba Why? Then Baba basically confesses his love for Saejima and can't go through with killing him, AAAAAAND Im back on the Baba train. That detective I mentioned from earlier arrests Saejima but not to throw him back in jail, to assemble the Yakuza avengers.
Final Saejima thoughts: This was shockingly fantastic. I was probably least impressed with Saejima's section in Y4, so it was shocking to have basically the same structure and general narrative beats but done well. It wasn't perfect, I didn't love it as much as Kiryu's section as I'm partial to a slow burn, but it was fun I have no real complaints, except MAYBE more then one chapter in Tsukimino would be a better choice.
Part 3 (first half): Haruka
I did not know I was going to get the HONOR of playing Haruka going into this game. We start off very strong, dancing to the greatest song of all time "So Much More." I mean we really get the full idol experience here with mean ass teachers and shady management. I didn't expect to get an Idol simulator in my Yakuza game but it might be the best thing ever. I decided right off the bat to put everything I had into this section of the game so immediately I did literally everything I could. Most of this chapter feels like a bit of a reflection of Kiryu's were working and going back home alone, it's all as monotonous and isolating as can be (except you're a predebut idol) and I love this. We quickly meet a girl who will serve as my bestie named Akari and yes I indeed would die for her thank you. Meeting Akari introduces us to this sections version of combat, DANCE BATTLES! I know some people might be disappointed you don't get to punch people as Haruka, and I get that, but this feels like a more genuine gameplay style for her character. It's hard to imagine Haruka fighting thugs in the street due to her personality (not that i'd be against it, especially after that weird virtual reality game where I get to wack dudes with a wand) plus I found this gameplay style so refreshing. I was never groaning or sighing because I had to dance against someone. I think it helps that I wasn't forced to do it 15 times in a row walking down the street, but I had the option to most of the time unless it was part of a quest. Maybe that's how all the gameplay should be? I don't mind being approached by thugs sometimes but it always feels like it happens too often in these games and with getting the option to while getting to walk around carefree otherwise in Haruka's section was just SO NICE.
Anyways, We get the whole set up here, we are participating in a competition show that will single handedly set the course for our debut. We're competing against this band called T-set. I hate them so much. They're so mean :(. At some point we see Miss Park absolutely SLAY and tell off Haruka's dance teacher and she doesn't take his shit at all. At this point I was like "Uh ohhhh I don't wanna like her but...she kinda rocks" my decent into stanning Miss Park only continues from there. We have to go convince some guy named Christina (interesting name to take but also a slay, much respect to Mr. Christina and his fedora) to be our new dance instructor. This causes drama with me and Akari which devastated me because I love Akari but we made up like immediately so it's chill.
Then at one point, I forgot the context, Haruka is shopping for a gift for Miss Park when stupid T-set shows up and STEPS ON THE BROACH I BOUGHT FOR HER. I was back and forth on them until now, now they may burn in hell. Especially after they made Haruka get on her knees and beg for forgiveness like ???? what gives ??? Park shows up and SLAYS and gets rid of them. Park then wears the broach :(((((((((
Then one of my favorite parts happen in chapter 2, Haruka and Miss Park go hit the town and just bond together. It's so stinking cute I wanted to cry. This whole time I was trying to not get emotionally attached to Park because it really felt like she was gonna end up betraying us. But the night continued and we get some mother daughter vibes going, even so far as holding hands????? Also Im somewhat glad I didn't get to wear the outfit I bought at the store with Park because I was going for a Cheetah girls inspired look then realized far too late how tacky that might come off, not everyone is Raven Symone ya know?
Anyways at this point I'm like wow this is the cutest game ever, nothing can ever go wrong, Park MIGHT betray me but I don't even care. She gives us a cool pen and a tragic anime backstory with an abusive ex husband and everything and we call it a night Well the next fuckin day my world crumbles because PARK IS DEAD! She "committed suicide" as if!
Part 3 (second half): Akiyama
I can't tell you how devastated I was to realize I'd only get to play as Akiyama for half of a section of the game. However, I was also thrilled to see him at all. Apparently he's opening a Satenbori office and also he is the one who financed Park's dream to debut Haruka so that's how he has a hand in all this. There is tragically very little Hana, she calls you twice and both times were fantastic but I wish I had more :(. Anyways Akiyama has heard about Park's death and goes to the office and meets Haruka. I didn't think they'd even really know each other and assumed we'd have an interesting reveal that they both know Kiryu later but nah they know each other. It honestly probably works better this way because we don't have time for such trivial things! Akiyama is a fuckin detective now. I don't know why he has been tasked to do this but he does it so well I don't even mind. He quickly figures out Park didn't actually kill herself and they simply need evidence to prove this. I'm unsure when this happens but at some point while talking about the mystery SOMEONE FALLS OFF THE ROOF! It was Horie :( who I haven't mentioned yet but he's my manager and a real pal. Thankfully he lived but we found out that the former dance teacher pushed him off. I think he also killed Park or Kanai did, who knows, either way someone did and they suck for it.
Chapter 4 has a lot going on, but basically the president of Osaka talent is sus and he's also the secret chairman of Ousaka Enterprises, which is a different thing... but sounds similar. Ousaka is basically a higher up family in the Omi alliance, so he's part of the bad yakuza!!! Haruka keeps doing the competition and T-set keeps sucking. She wins the princess league by a landslide. I don't even see the point in a third round if she won both of the other rounds? Is the third round just worth more points? Either way Haruka destroyed them and they suck. Her poor vocal instructor is working as her manager now. At some point we find out Parks ex husband was none other then Majima! Which is quite the revelation. Japan is such a small world, everyone seems to know each other. This does mean that Majima at least hit Park (I think after her abortion) and I think he's like 10 years older then her yet they were already married when she debuted at eighteen... Is it time for me to confront the possibility that my favorite crazed murderer might not be the most upstanding citizen?
It ends with Haruka being kidnapped, (nothing out of character there), and Akiyama saving her. He and Haruka make their way to Japan for the big ole concert Park had been planning. Wow this story is really picking up! I hope nothing grinds it to a sudden stop!
Part 3 final thoughts: God this was amazing, every step of it. My only complaint is I wanted more, more Akiyama and MORE dancing but I might be the only one who wanted 40 more hours of dancing. Detective Akiyama and Haruka duo was not the team I knew I needed but Im glad it happened. I found all of the music and gameplay here SO fun and I loved the plot too. I really liked Parks character. I wouldn't necessarily hang out with her, but I found her to be pretty well written and its hard to hate anyone Haruka clearly treasures, I am very sad she is actually dead because up until the end of the game I kept thinking she was going to come back.
Part 4: Shinada:
We have come to a sudden stop. We start with a flashback to 1997 where Shinada has debuted as a baseball player for the wyverns, don't forget this moment because the rest of this section of the game constantly calls back to it. In the modern day Shinada is a loser who is really heavily indebt and lives in a weird grimey rooftop shack. He also now writes like ? smut articles ? And he's friend with a girl named Milky which is the craziest name I've ever heard. A loanshark who talks about his kids a lot constantly follows Shinada around and takes his money. There was a lot of promise with this gag, like maybe instead of letting me keep the 100k and still acting like I'm broke he shows up after every side mission to rob me but nope. At the end of the chapter we run into a masked man who is frankly just Daigo stealing Kiryu's disguise idea.
Shinada and loanshark (his name is Takasugi) walk around town looking for leads on uncovering the truth of Shinada's past. Because you see, Shinada one time got fired from baseball cuz everyone thought he cheated, oh you already knew that? yeah same but don't worry you'll hear it at least 40 more times. Daigo asked him to go look for clues about this, why does he care? I still don't know honestly. Takasugi is forcing him to go because...I guess money? and he's walking around with me and were acting like friends now for some reason. Shinada is incapable of having any agency for himself, he just does what people tell him to. He also keeps nearly dying like a looney tunes character with shit falling out of the sky and stuff. Eventually we find out the Nagoya family fixed the match and then some guy Shinada used to know does get smashed like a looney tunes character. Skip ahead, were called to help by Milky and she betrayed us. I am sad cuz I thought Milky was a friend for life. Turns out literally everyone Shinada knows aside from the fkn loanshark are evil, even the old baseball lady. This plot was so convoluted I frankly don't understand why they were doing what they were doing, all I know is they were more like a neighborhood watch situation then Yakuza even though they seemed to do the exact same thing. Also when I say literally everyone he knows is evil I mean everyone, even his old coach or whatever. For way too long I thought they meant the middle school baseball coach so I was hella confused. Anyways we then find out that actually Takasugi is Shinada's number one baseball fan. Okay? Anyways
Chapter 4 things finally pick up a little. Daigo reveals himself like anyone ever was doubting it was him, and he also reveals he cares because he went to highschool with Shinada. Is that fr how were connecting this? Daigo got expelled from highschool because he protected Shinada from a rival school. Once again, okay? I guess Shinada doesn't like that Daigo is a yakuza and punches him out the door. I wasn't a fan of this. Daigo goes down pretty easily, pitiful Daigo strikes again. I love him but can he do anything right? Anyways I guess the fight meant nothing cuz they're pals now and go to Tokyo together. We get a cut to Takasugi getting his money back from Shinada as well as a signed baseball...okay that's really cute I nearly cried. I wish they actually left it there but instead Shinada runs away last minute to meet up on that stupid baseball field from 1997 that we cant go 5 minutes without hearing about and we fight this guy named Sawada who was like the kind of mastermind and also the pitcher. Had Sawada not thrown an easy pitch, Shinada wouldn't have hit it and thus been kicked out for cheating. We fight some Omi then play baseball and OMG WHY ARE WE DOING THISSSSSS
Finally it ends and we go to Tokyo
Shinada final thoughts: If you cant tell I was not a fan of this. I found Shinada to be really inconsitently written. In side missions or when he's playing off of certain characters he's quite entertaining and un, but most of the time, he seems to just be a blank slate who does whatever and only talks about baseball. And omg maybe if I liked baseball this would have been the best thing ever but we did not need THAT much baseball talk or constant referencing to that baseball game in 1997. I get its central to his character but it became a meme how often he'd get misty eyed and talk about getting kicked out. Why did he move Nagoya to escape his image as a cheating baseball player when 1) he constantly talks about it anyways, 2) everyone literally knows who he is here anyways. They make it seem like at first he wants nothing to do with baseball anymore but he also goes to the batting cages all the time and also thinks about nothing but baseball. The plot here is just SO hard to follow and not at all what I want to be dealing with after we were really in the thick of things with part 3's ending. I'm not saying it was impossible for this to be good, I think there was so much potential here! Like seemingly all of Yakuza 4, the concepts are there but the execution is iffy. I think it's biggest downfall is when it happens. It would have made so much more sense to make the last section before the finale the Haruka section. Shinada would have felt much better to play as maybe as a part two or even a part three, but NOT part four. The odds were stacked against him being amongst a cast of characters that I already know and love. I definitely was more of a Tanimura fan, but I liked Shinada as a person. His inconsistent writing, unfortunate story, and tendency to be a little annoying really dragged this part of the game down for me.
Part 5: The Finale
This finale is crazyyyyyyy so strap in. I would expect nothing less then insanity from this game. First Kiryu shows up in Kamurocho WERE HOME BABYYYYYY. Were being followed by BABA!! I missed him. We fight for fun or something then we cut to Saejima who is meeting with the detective who tells us we gotta find Morinaga. OH YEAH THAT GUY. So we go to the Florist and we go to the arena only to find... AIZAWA??? The fuck? I thought Morinaga fuckin killed him cold blooded and made me think he was a cool as fuck villain. Only to find out that GASP Morinaga is actually dead. At this point I literally don't believe it because I guess I was in my era of not believing anyone ever dies.
We go to Akiyama who is told by Osaka ceo to not let Haruka perform. Akiayam says hell no. We also find out that Park and him planned to make Haruka and T-set a group and debut them at the same time but I somehow missed this when playing and didnt realize that till way leter. ANYWAY At some point we also see the CEO doing naked push ups in his penthouse which was so weird. ALSO there is a Date-san reveal. The scream I screamt! I didn't know I missed him or needing him so much in a game till I saw him again. Usually I'm wondering why he's even there or what he adds but I finally get it now, he adds being Date to the table and that's all you need.
Then I do a tower sweep at Kamurocho hills and OMG is this what Majima was building the whole time? To be fully honest it's beautiful and im very proud but its so different and lowkey off-putting. Kind of like Majima himself. I miss him. A whole game and I only be hearing about him second hand its not fair. Question, did literally anyone choose Saejima to do the tower sweep? Anyway were on the top of the tower; Kiryu, Saejima, CEO Katsuya, and Watase. We all have to fight eachother to draw out the one true bad guy and also cuz this is a yakuza game, so off our shirts go and everyone fights. Basically everyone gets shot and the bad guy is revealed... THE DETECTIVE. Who saw it coming? I still kept thinking Park would come back or Morinaga but by this point I was definitely suspecting him too. I don't fully get why he's doing all this but long story short he's purging both the Omi and Tojo of nice? Yakuza? I guess? I think it mostly has to do with him making way for his son to inherit a role in everything but thats not further explored till later. Not to worry tho! Daigo has shown up!!!! But because he is Daigo you should definitely be worried because once again he cant do anything right and he gets shot by Kanai. God dammit Daigo. He is now in critical condition, this is the SECOND TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED DAIGO. He's such a damsel in distress, never change.
Baba tells Haruka the message Kiryu had for her, to never give up. He also asks her to come with him to convince to Kiryu to chillax but she refuses. Sad for no one but me. At the New Serena, where that absolute BOP of a song is blaring, Kiryu is sleeping, while the rest of the crew are chilling and chatting. I forgot to mention Akiyama and Shinada briefly teamed up but frankly who cares. Shinada talks about baseball alot here too just incase you were worried he wouldnt. They conclude that detective bad guy is gonna attack Haruka's concert which I will NEVER allow. I guess Shinada's purpose here is actually tha the knows the stadiuk layout pretty well which I will buy in to. Also I believe here Haruka gets told about her and t-set being a band together now called Dreamline. I also dont love this. The idea of it is fine, Im all for a disney channel original movie plot where the bullies are actually great and we all become friends at the end but the issue is they don't properly develop T-set to do that. The short haired girl gets one little moment of being somewhat nice to Haruka then the very next time I see her she's stepping on my boss's broach and making me beg on my knees like sorry but it's really hard to come around on liking them. Even now when Haruka stumbles duing practice they're rude! This is a tragic ending if anything but Haruka seems happy I guess... Dont worry they will be nothing more then Haruka's glorifed backup dancers.
Okay final chapter, and it's a doozy. We send Shinada of all people to go help Haruka at the stadium, I know i just said I get he knows the layout of the stadium but like :( he's literally the only one who hasn't met her. I guess they don't end up interacting really anyways. Saejima is going to go after Majima because btw he's alive and at the top of the millenium tower. Akiyama and Kiryu stay on the ground to defend against attackers and they probably punch/ kick at least 10000 men. All the while Haruka gives her concert. But Baba is lurking and gonna shoot her, I thought he learned to be good again but whatever. Him and Shinada end up having a confrontation that ends in Baba losing and he's about to kill himself when !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my prison besties and the wardon show and up stop him! Oh my god I loved that so much what a nice resolution for Baba and I love that those guys went straight to a Jpop concert just for their pal. Meanwhile Saejima confronts Detective evil man on top of the millenium tower and !!! there he is, finally Majima is here. But he is not having a good time, turns out he's allowed himself to be captured and tortured for the sake of Haruka and now Majima and Saejima have to fight for the same reason. Then! Daigo shows up, while im literally begging him to actually shoot the bad guy but instead they all talk. Haruka is safe from harm (Baba wouldn't have done that shit anyways) and we officially learn about the plot of him attempting to put his son in charge of everything. Kiryu goes to Tojo headquarters to stop whoever this suspicious son is and Akiyama fights Kanai. Then literally all our friends ever show up to help and that was damn cute.
Kiryu shows up and it's eerie, completely silent with dead people everywhere. We go to the meeting room and the guy behind it all along was Aizawa. I definitely did not see that coming because I forgot he existed. But I suppose thats the point, he was so unassuming. I guess that means Morinaga actually was dead all along. We fight Aizawa while Haruka sings a song that seems very pointed at Kiryu wins (duh) but he is not doing well and tries to make his way through the streets. Meanwhile Haruka announces her retirement because she cant hide who she is or stay away from her family any longer and runs away to find Kiryu and THE GAME ENDS. Other games gave me a after credits scene that somewhat eased my concerns, but 5 is a overall very sad game and it's scene is her managing to him but he's bleeding out in the streets and falls unconcious in her arms.
Finale final thoughts: This was quite the finale! It was much better then Shinada's section but it was still a bit messy and left a lot of plot threads up in the air or had some unfortunate revelations. Nothing bad but things I think shouldve maybe been revealed earlier, like Aizawa. Only finding out with like 20 minutes of the game to go makes it feel too empty or even rushed when we know this game is otherwise not rushed at all. I was a little sad about the ending, I don't think it was bad at all I was just sad. The whole time I imagined it ending with the whole gang going to Haruka's concert and having a good time. For once I dont think the game fully dropped the ball on the finale like they tend to do so I commend it for that.
TLDOverall plot final thoughts: As a whole this is one of the most well written Yakuza stories since Yakuza 3 (obviously in my opinion). I can see that for some people all the plot twists and surprises might have felt like too much but I loved it, I never once could predict where this game was going. Morinaga dying off screen was such a let down and missed opportunity, at the end of Kiryu's section I was thinking he was going to be the best Yakuza villain in awhile but instead he went out in such a lame way. I do kinda wonder who killed him, I assumed it was just the detective guy but Aizawa seemed at least somewhat sad about Morinaga's death. I wonder if that was all a show? Another thing I dislike not just because of how it went, but also that it ended up going no where, Mayumi. They made quite the big deal about her at first and I do like the plot twist that she was a spy, but she wasn't even really acting any different when she was in spy mode and in normal mode. Plus you literally never see her again. I think Saejima's section was just very reminicent of his in 4, but done well. Aside from it taking quite so long to get to the city, by the time you leave it feels slightly rushed. I think the chapter in the woods didnt need to be its own thing. Absolutely no notes with Haruka, only that I'm sad this is all we will see of Park, I found her to be a really interesting character. Akiyama is where my main issues arise, only because I really do think he needed his whole section. He felt a little tacked on otherwise when I think he really didn't need to feel that way. I had hoped he would be part of half of Haruka's section then half of Shinada's where he is used to introduce us to Shinada as a character. But instead we get dropped into that like nothing. I know im probably the only one who cares about Hana this much but I really wish we got more of her. I basically said all my issues with Shinada at the end of his section but once again, I really didn't enjoy that plot. The finale was a mess and unfortunatly left at quite a cliff hanger which I wouldve rather it didn't but Im also okay with how it did. Some other things I wanted in this game was MORE MAJIMA I get why he wasnt for narrative purposes but Im gonna say that in every game. I wouldve loved more Okinawa orphan content. That being said there is way more content for them in this then in Y4 which is wild considering we spent like 5 seconds in Okinawa during a flashback and you never actually see them. It was so nice to hear what theyre up to second hand and some of the side missions expand on them a little more but I am devastated they werent there.
Lastly to briefly compare it to Y4, as they do feel like connected games. Y5 realy does feel like they took all of the concepts of the 4th game that needed to be reworked, and then re-did them to be better. The villains are better, prison break outs are better, and just like way more. I do think there are things in Y5 that are lacking compared to Y4, like general atmosphere, and I do think Tanimura's section in 4, as flawed as it is, is better then Shinadas. Akiyama's in 5 is great, but I love his in Y4 more simply because he doesn't have to share the spotlight. But I really have to emphasize, story and character are done better in Y5, ATMOSPHERE is done so much better in Y5.
TLDR for the TLDR: I liked this game :)
And there you have it, the longest goddamn review of all time. It was a really great game and I wish I could play it for the first time again because it was just SUCH a great experience. If you read this far I am so impressed by you and eternally grateful you even cared to. Please let me know your thoughts! I'm so excited to talk about this game with people. As for my rating, It was going to be a 10/10 until I got to Shinada's section now I'm in between an 8 or a 9. Ill just say 8/10 to be mean.
I am already neck deep in Yakuza 0 so I'm excited to write a much shorter review for that one soon.
Thank you for reading!

When I first got to this assignment, I was upfront with my ratesenior rater about where I was at. I wanted to continue serving, but I was a promotion risk, and I was willing to do what it took to overcome it so I could VTIP into a functional area branch. My team and I had a great. We innovated and implemented new systems, policies, and changes. Our team was recognized multiple times by higher headquarters for doing great things. Somewhere in there, I was a victim of my success when a higher headquarters unit tried to recruit me to work for them. I only learned about the event after my SR blew up about organizations attempting to steal his people again and that I worked for him at a meeting one day.
Around January, I asked my rater if I could get a close-out evaluation for the board. I don't hear anything back until after my board file closes. Then, "Hey, MC. Boss' profile is tight. Keep doing great things, and we'll take care of you". We stay on course, another big event happens and I get a false sense of security that I'm going to be okay. S1 shows up to my office one day and tells me that a [undesirable, high optempo] unit down the street needs help and asks if I want to go there to get the evals I need. I've seen this story too many times before and know that ain't happening, so I decline the offer. I elected to talk to the SR directly because I was unhappy that they sent the S1 to deliver the news on their behalf.
During the discussion, the boss gave me the evaluation—MQ write-up with exclusive enumerations and potential, but an HQ block check. Despite being the most senior officer by 2-3 years in his organization, he needs to take care of his junior captains in K/D because "Non K/D doesn't weigh as much" despite me filling an O4 slot as an O3 while simultaneously acting as an OIC for two subordinate battalions. My rater talks to me afterward; he appeals to my ego, citing injustices of the Army promotion system and how he wishes we could promote everyone. I already know he's trying to manipulate me. I play the fool and focus on getting out of his office ASAP. Before I left, he let it slip that the boss had to take care of two other officers, who were fresh from CCC and needed the evals more than me.
I decided to use some leave and left work. During the drive home, it has hit me how shitty this situation was. Especially when the rater name-dropped the two people who beat me out. I never thought highly of those people. I perceived them as unit "party planners," as they only planned social events, gossiped too much, and undermined our core mission. I know corporate Army culture over values this behavior, but I always tried to negate it by being active, productive member of the team instead. To make matters worse, I reached out to that contact who tried to pull me up to their headquarters. I told them what happened. That officer then said to me that if I had gone up to his headquarters, their Chief of Staff had a dummy thick profile for Captains and offered to try to move me up there again after my SR leaves in a few weeks.
As I sit here on leave, this whole situation sucks. I feel so invalidated. It just feels like my chain of command doesn't respect my team's contributions and everything we've done. Here we are doing great things, but none of it matters because "its not a K/D assignment". Having the knowledge that they blocked a transfer that could've helped me ascend twisted the proverbial knife in my chest. So, not only did they negatively impact my career, but they used my accomplishments to better their chances for promotion. Especially given that at the end of the rating period before they PCS, they say, "Why not go to the shittiest, most toxic unit on post instead?"
I decided to go on leave for a week, but like, jfc. Why bother to try so hard if none of this matters?

Hi all,
First time poster. I’ve been interested in moderating my drinking more in the past two years and have my ups and downs with it. My last week was a definite down. I went on a bender Sunday noonish to Thursday 4ish in which I was drinking all day, but the numbers seem to be on the low end of a lot of experiences I read on here—and on similar subreddits:
Day before (Saturday): 6 units, stopped drinking early, woke up sober next morning, no issues at all
Day 1: 13.3 units, started drinking in the afternoon
Day 2: 8.6 units, started drinking in the morning after waking up still buzzed
Day 3: 8.2 units, same as above
Day 4: 8.3 units, same as above
Day 5 (Thursday): 5 units
On day 5 I woke up, had a few drinks, took a few hour nap in the afternoon, and then woke up to go to dinner, having one more drink. It was at that time that things began to hit me. I was feeling very out of it, but I thought it was just from the cumulative drinking. However, on the way home from dinner (without drinking, about 3 hours since my last drink) I started feeling worse. My face was very puffy, I felt warm, and my heart rate was higher than usual.
When I got home I laid down and went to bed, just thinking I pushed things too far. I barely got a few hours of sleep, I was tossing and turning most of the night and was feeling anxious (more anxious than usual; I deal with anxiety sober or not). I also had night sweats, and a twitch or two. I awoke and the anxiety was still there, but I was feeling better so I went to work. Came home from work tired and still feeling out of it. Went right to bed. Slightly better sleep, but still impacted and still with night sweats. I’ve been trying as best I can since to get rehydrated but I have not been able to as of this morning. Mentally/physically has been up and down, with fatigue and anxiety wavering throughout the days. This morning I am feeling much better, and no night sweats last night (2 days and an extra night later).
I have gone through a mild withdrawal (at least that’s what I identify it as) in February of last year. The anxiety, night sweats, and lack of sleep was much more intense, and it lasted longer. I also had some non visual but still there very light shaking in my hands (even I couldn’t see it but I could feel it).
In looking at posts and reading up, I am wondering if this was also an (even more) mild withdrawal, or if it was just extreme dehydration (with a hangover of course). There is a lot of overlap in the symptoms. I didn’t have very much water at all during this go around (I typically always hydrate, but didn’t for some reason). Last time I was able to rehydrate much quicker even though the drinking and symptoms were much worse.
To give context to my drinking:
Last 30 days: 120 units, 14 dry days
Last 3 months: 310 units, 48 dry days
Last 6 months: 466 units, 112 dry days
Last year: 872 units, 193 dry days
Thank you for your insights and personal experiences!