Dirty sms to boyfriend

maybe i’m just making something out of nothing, but i wanted to know if other people thought this was weird. so me and my boyfriend were hanging out and we started to get intimate. not trying to be too tmi but he started to rub my clit and finger me. everything was going fine until he started trying to talk “dirty” to me while doing it. he said “what do you wanna be when you get older baby?” and i was like huh??? am i being slow or is this a super strange thing to say with the context.

Ok before I even start, I don’t need there being any a**holes in the comments that will just say the obvious or be very judgmental. I need real genuine answers.
To try to summarize this, I met my boyfriend 3 years ago this month, it started off great then quickly took a toxic turn after 3 months in. We were on & off since then. I have never met his parents or family in general, & have only met a few of his friends. He’s never posted me nor even posted a hint of me. Has even gone to the extent of cropping out my hand from his story once. I will say I have mental disorders , such as BPD, severe anxiety etc that has put a toll on me in this relationship to the point that I became toxic & insecure & jealous. I was very unhealed and hadn’t put in the work to change so it was a constant back & forth battle w him as he was just as bad if not worse than me. His excuse for not taking me serious, making me his, introducing me to his family was that I am toxic & we can’t go more than a month w/o breaking up. He is very toxic himself & has said the most disgusting things to me during fights as well as cheated on me physically, been in a whole other relationship secretly. I have made mistakes but none that amount to his mistakes. I have a snappy attitude w him, I’ve messed up in the beginning (which what I was referring to in the beginning of this paragraph) such as, keeping tinder & getting advice from my very first ex on a number of occasions. (Which I know wasn’t ok) him and I were never official. We talked about exclusivity, but he never wanted to make me his. Hence why I kept my options opened. Till this day he uses all of that against me as if he hasn’t done me dirty 10x worse. I have had my faults, with an attitude problem w him, & other small immature things social media wise, Ex. When a guy would slide up on my stories, I’d say Ty but never would I continue the convo. But stuff like that adds up I’m aware. I have had my fair share of toxicity. I know I’m not innocent, but I can say that I’ve never done anything detrimental like he has. Never to the extent he’s gone. We broke up for almost half a year & just recently a month ago came back to one another. I have grown significantly, I’m not nearly as toxic or anxious as I once was, I’ve changed, I’ve put in the work, & it doesn’t seem like he has. He makes excuses as to why he can’t give me affection, or love Almost like he withholds it from me. Every time I bring something up that’s bothering me, he flies off the handle. He has an anger problem. Always has. Every time I bring up me meeting his family he gets so mad & says it’s bc of me. Bc he needs to know I’ll be here for the long run. But I’ve proven myself time after time that I’ve changed & can be better. I do everything I can for him. I cook, clean, feed his dogs, take them out & try to be a good support system for him as best I can. I’ve tried showing him I’ve grown & only want and adore him. I’ve tried loving him more and more and it’s never enough. I’ve matured and he’s even said that himself recently. He’s treated me like dog shit in the past, I won’t go into description mode,but now he’s treating me better, he just gets so angry if I bring anything up at all that bothers me, he calls it “bitching” “complaining” even if I approach him the right way instead of yelling or being combative. His excuse for not giving me affection or love was that he has a fight coming up (he’s an mma fighter) & is anxious and nervous & can’t give me that love rn. He got so mad. I’m just confused. He gives me the silent treatment & wants to end things over every argument.
So I guess what I’m asking is do I deserve this bc of my mistakes ? Is he right for this? Is he telling the truth about not wanting me to meet his family bc of our past toxicity? I’m gaslighting myself on & off, telling myself that I need to put up w this bc I’ve made mistakes too, & that I need to keep proving to him that I’m worth it & keep putting up with this?. Like I need to stick w it bc I owe him that. Idk how to explain it. I’m just so lost. He makes me sad & idk whether to stick it out or leave. I know I’m not perfect or innocent. That’s why I’m stuck.

So I've (39F) been dating a really nice person (50m) july will be a year. In this year he has invited me and my kids to church many time with him and his mother. His mom will not save us (my family) a seat then he will say no your going to sit with us (to his mom).
Well last weekend they have his niece (14f) with them. We get to church shortly after them, they were walking in as we were parking. My boyfriend asked for his mom to save our seats. She only saved one, but we would need 4. When we got to where she was sitting, his mom says i can sit somewhere else as this was a family outing. My boyfriend says no you move down. It's the same song and dance. Then they reluctantly scoot down when done moving, the niece looks right at me gives me a dirty looked followed by an eye roll. This was seen by me and my two kids. I tell my boyfriend we feel like a third wheel and not welcome in the family dynamic. My boyfriend tells me his niece would never do such a thing. My kids and i left, we went to a different church. I've cried myself to sleep every night since. I already have issues and feeling inadequate and not belonging. My boyfriend does a great job on his part to make me feel like i belong. But his mom has had it out for me since day one, she will always say something about my husband. Which i haven't been married to anyone in 3 years. She then goes on a rant about the Bible and how i should still be married and let her son be. This woman wants me to get back with a man who beat on my kids and i for years. now she has her granddaughter treating me like dog crap. I don't want to be disrespected by some little girl who can't have nice clothes because she cuts the shorts till her but and front are showing. Mind you i keep all this to my self on how she dresses. She has no respect for me or my kids. She has stolen from me, so i stated i don't want her left unattended in my house, that was the only thing i had said. This little girl also assaulted me with a salad fork last summer. Like for real stabbed me 6 times this was in December of last year. I feel like i want to just brake things off with my boyfriend because i can't handle this child. My boyfriend and i leave for a vacation here soon, we have been planning since last August everything is paid for as we had saved for this and planned it to a T. Idk if i should just break things off before hand or use this opportunity to let him know what it is doing to my mental state of having to deal with the disrespect from his mom and niece. The rest of the family is great btw.

Bear with me… this is a doosey. I’ve been living with my best friend (just the two of us) for about 4 years now, but the last year especially I’ve just gotten so fed up. We live in a 3 bedroom home that my family owns, I pay utilities and she pays around $500 in rent with utilities included into that cost. I have two cats who I’ve built a Catio for outside, all the furniture in the main parts of the house is mine, and virtually every resource I bring into the house is treated as communal.
Now here’s where I’m losing my mind. I clean the house on a daily basis, never leave a dirty dish in the sink, and try to organize something or do a house project at least once a week.
My roommate on the other hand, cleans maybe once a month, always leaves piles of dirty dishes for days at a time, and makes messes around the house that I’m left to clean. I have had many conversations with her about how it’s hard on me, which always go the same: she says she’s going through a hard time, and will try better… things get better for about a week, and then it’s back to square one. I’ve tried not cleaning up her messes, or doing any of her dishes… but she doesn’t care, and lets the mess accumulate until I can’t take it anymore and feel forced to clean, or until I yell at her about it and she angrily picks up.
Whenever she’s out of town, the house gets progressively cleaner and cleaner, until I’m living in a spotlessly maintained house… but when I leave, I always come home to huge messes everywhere.
Additionally, my boyfriend and I are long distance. So I spend every other weekend at his house a few hours away. I have offered countless times to hire a cat sitter to take care of my cats while I’m gone, but she always refuses and says she can handle it/ it would be weird if someone else came into the house while she’s home. However when I come back, the litter boxes are always overflowing, my room is covered in litter, plates of cat food are left all around the house, and sometimes there’s even vomit or cat shit that hasn’t been cleaned up.
Lastly, She’s been going through some really tough times personally (a bad break up with her abusive ex partner, health issues, etc.) and my heart really goes out to her for what she’s been going through. But when shes upset, she becomes extremely passive aggressive, defensive, and also just plain rude sometimes. This was already an issue before, but it has gotten exponentially worse this past year as she’s been going through especially hard times. When I try to express how her demeanor makes me feel, she gets even more defensive and insists she has a right to being grumpy in her own home… which, while I understand… I have a right to feel like I’m not always walking on eggshells.
I’m at a loss at what to do…we are basically sisters at this point. I highly value our friendship, and I never want to leave someone without housing or kick her out as I feel like that would certainly ruin our friendship. However… it’s my family home, I feel constantly disrespected, and no amount of conversations has made a lasting difference. I think we are incompatible as roommates in many ways, and I don’t know how to have that discussion without making her feel attacked or like I’m kicking her out. In many ways, I do love having her as a roommate… we have movie nights, great conversations, and even have dinner together a few nights a week…
Any advice would be super appreciated, as I just don’t know where to even begin at this point.
Thank you for reading!!!
TLDR: my best friend and roommate of 4 years is a slob and no amount of conversations has made a difference. I don’t want to kick her out, but I’m losing my mind.

Warning this is going to be a VERY LONG post. I am just going to start plain and simple. I (M23) have been friends with this girl (F23) for the past 8 or so years now since high school. For brevity I will refer to her as “Lara”. Overtime we have become incredibly close to one another. She often confides in me first on very serious topics and I will spend hours on the phone talking to her about various subjects and her relationships (she is a serial monogamist). I also visit her quite often even though she lives about an hour away for school.
This past weekend is when things get a bit more confusing in my own mind. I went to the movies with some other friends of mine. We got drinks at a cocktail bar before hand. During the conversation it came up that two of my newest acquaintances (both women) assumed I had dated Lara in the past or that we were currently dating and that from an outside observer that’s what it looked like. I wasn’t shocked by this statement as other people had assumed me and her were a couple before in the past and male friends of mine have even asked permission to see her in the past, even though I’ve never been an item with her.
The movie let out at almost 1 in the morning. My friend Lara has expressed interest in meeting up after my screening to hang out, I failed to mention this to the group. I noticed my two females friends seemed a bit put off by this. And their words were ringing in my head as I thought about how she drove across town at like 1 am on a Sunday to hang with us. We returned to the cocktail bar in which I immediately offer to buy Lara a drink. The hour passes the bar closes and we decide to go home, when walking to our cars I keep brushing Lara’s hand on accident. For some reason it made me start to feel weird maybe it was what was said earlier by my other friends, but the energy just felt different than usual.
The next day Lara and I went shopping. Where she made several jokes about us pretending to be a couple. Which is a joke we have made before in the past. She is currently seeing someone right now, but was joking about us being a couple taking a cooking class or how I’d be pushing a stroller, with her and her new man’s child in it. I’m not a very overly masculine man or someone who has a lot of machismo, yet it felt oddly emasculating to hear her say that.
When she was shopping she was trying on some dresses and asking my opinion. Now I know Lara is attractive but she looked so good in this one dress, I hate to say it since she is my friend but I was checking her out like crazy. I offered to buy it for her. She refused the offer (which is fine since I’m pretty irresponsible with money). However the whole shopping experience and how genuinely happy I felt made me wonder “oh God do I like Lara”. Like I said I know she is attractive and it’s not like I’ve never entertained the idea of us doing things. But we are such genuine friends that it’s so past that point in our relationship, it feels like she’s my sister sometimes. And I know all her baggage and dirty laundry, so that feeling is usually not there.
So I decided to turn to Reddit for some advice (lol) and started to read a bunch of stories about platonic relationships, and started to realize that maybe Lara and I did not have a normal Platonic relationship. I was reading from other users in platonic relationships as they described incidents in which they were cuddling their friends. Much to my surprise most commenters said this is something that platonic friends do not do. Which is a problem because Lara is quite touchy. For example a couple of months ago after a night out drinking I was back at Lara’s apartment when I asked if I could sleep in bed with her, since I’m too tall for her couch and it always fucks up my back. I was planning fully on just staying on my side of the bed. But before I’m even in the bed she tells me to take off my pants since I’m wearing jeans. I do and get in bed I’m ready to just pass the fuck out and go to bed but she says “are you going to cuddle me?” Almost like it was an expectation for me to do so, I end up spooning with her all night. In the morning we just relaxed in her bed, she asks for me to rub her foot and massage her leg. And it’s like super incredibly casual she’s just showing me things on her phone as I’m just rubbing up her leg which she has across my body.
If it was an isolated incident I’d say whatever. But it’s not. Over the years I ’m constantly giving her back massages under her bra, rubbing her feet, and even during a leg massage in which when I asked “where she wanted me to massage” she said “higher” and so I did but when it wasn’t high enough she directed me to her inner thigh.
And now this is stupid but I’m thinking “wait does Lara like me?”
I almost doubt this assertion because I am nowhere near her type. I’m like super out of shape. And she likes super masculine guys. Which is something I am not. And she is always insisting I get a girlfriend or hook up with a girl. The past boyfriends she has been with all have been pretty bad and I have helped her go through all of the breakups. Which is a problem within in itself because it feels like her trauma is my trauma, and I feel like I take on a lot of emotional stress from relationships that aren’t mine. Her newest guy seems to be the best so far so that’s a relief. Someone in another thread referred to this kind of relationship as a “Boyfriend without benefits” and unfortunately it’s made me resent when she calls me
I also asked my friend before I posted this and he says he doesn’t think she likes me like that and that it’s pretty normal that we look like a couple. Maybe I’m just bummed that we are platonic actually. She has called me her “platonic soulmate”What do y’all think is our relationship platonic?
TLDR: after a comment by other friends, I am wondering if my longtime friend and I are more than just platonic and if her touchy behavior is a part of it

Around 2007-2012 I read a series of short paperback fiction chapter books aimed at teenagers about a the life and dating/romance of a teenage Christian girl. The character and her family were explicitly Christian and the messaging of the books was in full alignment with American purity culture and it was probably meant to promote it.
The basic premise of the first book is that the girl and her family are moving to the pacific Northwest(propably Seatle, maybe Oregon) to help her Dutch grandmother continue living in their old [spacious] home as she struggles to take care of herself due to Alzheimer's and/or dementia.
At some point she meets a guy whom she starts to exchange letters with, I can't say for sure what year(s) the plot was set in, but some form of cellphones did exist, the letters were a conscious decision and implied to be more decent or chaste than a cell-phone.
These were all pretty short books, paperbacks with all sorts of light colors, there were over a dozen and I want to say that there might have been as many as thirty. Every book had a painting of the girl/protagonist from one of the scenes of the book, but they were done by several different artists. The main character was always portrayed as blond and White, but with varying hair textures ranging from white and straight hair to dirty blonde and curly.
Several of the covers used paintings which were at uncomfortable angles and many weren't especially good.
I suspect that these were published through a smaller Christian organization hence the questionable quality and the messaging.
The letter writing between the first-introduced guy is a constant throughout the main chunk of the series but the relationship was kept platonic for the later majority, there are other rotating love interests; most of which never become anything more than a crush.
There was a plotline about some older friends(probably ~22) where the boyfriend had promised not to kiss anyone until his wedding day, which does ultimately culminate in a first kiss at the wedding which the protagonist attends.
The books also seemed to be themed around different locations and events, one book was about prom(The main girl's favorite flower was a peach-colored rose), another involved going to a beach, a least one cover had the characters in a roller coaster
The series was primarily aimed at tween to teenage girls, and I believe that I had access to them via my rural Southern homeschooling CO-OP, if that gives you the vibe of where they came from.

Most of what I was able to find were essentially romance books for Christians, a lot of them set in the 19th century or among the amish. or else non-fiction Christian morality books.

I read these books over a decade ago and at the time I enjoyed them and it presented romantic love in a way that it didn't trigger the typical shame that people in purity culture experience.
Though looking back, there is a significant chance that they were poorly written and preachy propaganda books meant to chastise young women for wanting romance or kissing before marriage.
I mostly want to find these books so I can figure out if there was something blatant that I missed and see if I still think of them the same way.

I'm a 24-year-old woman living in Portugal, and for the past four months, I've been talking to a 24-year-old man in Washington, D.C., on Snapchat. Despite both being in long-term relationships—I've been with my boyfriend for seven years, and he's been with his girlfriend for six—we've found a strange and compelling connection.
We don't live with our partners, which makes our clandestine conversations easier to manage. (Yes, I know what we're doing is wrong, and I'm not looking for judgment.) We've been in touch almost every day unless we're spending time with our significant others, and the longest we've gone without speaking is about four days. He reaches out to me every morning and night, sometimes multiple times a day, and we even video call occasionally.
Our bond is intense and undeniable. We've opened up to each other about everything, discovering that we are strikingly similar. We’ve faced similar challenges, share many interests, and have aligned goals for the future. This connection has led us to share nudes, talk dirty, and even masturbate over the phone three times.
I'm currently in a tough spot with my boyfriend, feeling emotionally detached and on the brink of breaking up. To be clear, my relationship issues existed long before this guy entered my life, and I'm not planning to leave my boyfriend for him. On his end, he claims to love his girlfriend deeply and would never leave her for anyone. Yet, he frequently mentions her, sometimes seemingly to provoke jealousy in me. They argue often, and he admits the spark is gone, even calling her a "b*tch" during fights, though they always reconcile.
The weirdest part? He knows my name, but I don't know his—he refuses to tell me. We haven’t "done anything" for over a month, but we continue talking like friends, occasionally flirting. He initiates almost all our conversations and checks up on me constantly, leaving me bewildered about his intentions. He’s expressed that if he weren't in a relationship, he would want to be with me, although we both agree that the distance and our unwillingness to move would make it impossible.
Despite this, he never pressures me for nudes or anything I’m uncomfortable with; he genuinely enjoys our conversations. He calls often, sometimes jokingly saying he loves me or fantasizing about having kids together. He listens to my problems and always encourages me to open up, and I do the same for him. Our connection feels unique and inexplicable, like we’re the same person.
I sometimes wonder why he continues to snap me when we don’t “do anything” anymore and just talk about life. We don’t have each other on any other app and could easily block each other, but we don’t. I’ve considered blocking him multiple times due to guilt over talking to someone in a relationship, but I can’t bring myself to do it because I genuinely enjoy our conversations. He’s confusing, and I’m left not knowing what any of this means or why he keeps reaching out. It's all so weird and messy. Please advise

I'm a 24-year-old woman living in Portugal, and for the past four months, I've been talking to a 24-year-old man in Washington, D.C., on Snapchat. Despite both being in long-term relationships—I've been with my boyfriend for seven years, and he's been with his girlfriend for six—we've found a strange and compelling connection.
We don't live with our partners, which makes our clandestine conversations easier to manage. (Yes, I know what we're doing is wrong, and I'm not looking for judgment.) We've been in touch almost every day unless we're spending time with our significant others, and the longest we've gone without speaking is about four days. He reaches out to me every morning and night, sometimes multiple times a day, and we even video call occasionally.
Our bond is intense and undeniable. We've opened up to each other about everything, discovering that we are strikingly similar. We’ve faced similar challenges, share many interests, and have aligned goals for the future. This connection has led us to share nudes, talk dirty, and even masturbate over the phone three times.
I'm currently in a tough spot with my boyfriend, feeling emotionally detached and on the brink of breaking up. To be clear, my relationship issues existed long before this guy entered my life, and I'm not planning to leave my boyfriend for him. On his end, he claims to love his girlfriend deeply and would never leave her for anyone. Yet, he frequently mentions her, sometimes seemingly to provoke jealousy in me. They argue often, and he admits the spark is gone, even calling her a "b*tch" during fights, though they always reconcile.
The weirdest part? He knows my name, but I don't know his—he refuses to tell me. We haven’t "done anything" for over a month, but we continue talking like friends, occasionally flirting. He initiates almost all our conversations and checks up on me constantly, leaving me bewildered about his intentions. He’s expressed that if he weren't in a relationship, he would want to be with me, although we both agree that the distance and our unwillingness to move would make it impossible.
Despite this, he never pressures me for nudes or anything I’m uncomfortable with; he genuinely enjoys our conversations. He calls often, sometimes jokingly saying he loves me or fantasizing about having kids together. He listens to my problems and always encourages me to open up, and I do the same for him. Our connection feels unique and inexplicable, like we’re the same person.
I sometimes wonder why he continues to snap me when we don’t “do anything” anymore and just talk about life. We don’t have each other on any other app and could easily block each other, but we don’t. I’ve considered blocking him multiple times due to guilt over talking to someone in a relationship, but I can’t bring myself to do it because I genuinely enjoy our conversations. He’s confusing, and I’m left not knowing what any of this means or why he keeps reaching out. It's all so weird and messy.
Please advise idk what to do idk what all of This means

Hi Reddit fam,
I need your judgment on a situation with my former roommate, J (33F). I (31F) lived with my previous roommate, A (30F), and her well-behaved cat for seven years. We shared a place for four years before moving to our current apartment, where we stayed for three more years. When A decided to move out, I invited J, a friend who had previously lived with me rent-free for two months, to move in because her current place was too expensive.
Here’s some backstory: When J lived with me rent-free, her cat often peed and pooped in my room, which I tolerated, thinking the cat was just adjusting. Eventually, J moved out, and we stayed friends. When A moved out, J moved in earlier than planned, so I nudged A to leave a bit sooner. J and I agreed to split the rent equally, even though I had a larger closet.
Problems started immediately. J’s cat peed everywhere, ruining my shoes, bathroom rugs, and other belongings. Despite my suggestions to check for health issues or get a new litter box, J did nothing for 11 months. Even then, the cat began scratching the window screens, causing significant damage that J refused to acknowledge, blaming A’s cat instead.
Aside from the cat issues, J was a terrible housemate. She never cleaned, left dirty dishes for days, went on vacations without cleaning up, and used my shower brush to clean up cat messes. When I'd mention something she'd say I was micromanaging. She also left items in shared spaces against our lease terms.
After nearly a year, J insisted I should pay more rent because of my larger closet, despite her cat causing so much damage. I suggested she pay a pet deposit to the landlord or we split the rent, but the landlord decided he didn’t want a pet at all, so we had to hide her cat. This caused tension, and she refused to split the rent as we originally agreed.
When I got a boyfriend, he visited a few times a week, but J complained, even though she had multiple guests over frequently. Including her best friend who stayed for free at the apartment for the last 2 months she was living there, which she never discussed with me. Eventually, she decided to break the lease early and move out. She rented a carpet cleaning machine to clean her carpet but chose not to replace the damaged screens (which were damaged months before she left) due to availability of the size. she used some quick-fix tape. She left heavy pet stains and a viscious candle wax spill on the carpet. The landlord took 90% of her deposit for the damage, and J blocked me on everything, leaving a nasty letter with personal attacks. I genuinley don't think it was my fault nor could I have seen that coming.
AITA for trying to set boundaries and protect my living space, even though it led to my former friend losing most of her deposit and our friendship ending?

My (24F) boyfriend (24M) and I have been together for 6 months now. I am not a fan of his two lifelong best friends. They are not the best people. His work friends are great, seem like decent men, but his lifelong friends are total red flags. He claims this behavior in them is new but I am not sure about that. I have only met them once but I have seen texts from them and he tells me stories about what they say. It's mostly dirty/immature things but they just do not seem to have the best respect for women. Random things they have done/said range from one of them having two full on girlfriends at the same time for months, randomly sending a pic of a girl they went to school with who was known to sleep around and saying "id still hit with two condoms on", leading girls on and using them for sex, etc. The one time I met them one of them made the joke that my boyfriend liked girls that were underage which was weird but they explained the story and said it was just a joke about a time they went out to eat so not rooted in any truth. My boyfriend used to make jokes about wanting to sleep with one of his friend's sisters but he said he only made that joke because she was so ugly and he stopped doing that when I started dating him out of respect for me. So that is the only weird thing he has said about women that I know of. I don't know, I just feel like if your friends are cheating, gross guys, you could be like that too.
I love him and he doesn't seem like that type of guy, but I have been very wrong about men in the past. When I expressed my concern, he distanced himself from those friends (he does not hang out with them as much but they still text) but he still maintains they will always be his best friends. I mostly worry, is he secretly like that too? Could he be laughing with them and being gross towards women behind my back? Any advice is appreciated just please be nice.

I'm 17 (m) and lately I've been experiencing these sores that started out as small bumps that eventually grew to be blisters that seep stinky fluids, and I've also had urethritis and fever as well. The blisters itch and they sometimes burn or feel uncomfortable. I showed it to the STD reddit and they said it looks like HSV-2
For context, before I got back together with my ex earlier this week, I unsafely hooked up with people, which I know is just asking for an STD, but it was the best way to fuel my sex addiction and regain my self esteem to me. Anywho, I've asked the people I've recently hooked up with to get tested.
The scariest part of this though I think is just telling my boyfriend or my parents even. My parents already know I've hooked up before but once they find out I have herpes? Even if I don't get punished, imagine how embarrassing that is. Or even just how they'll find me dirty. I've been taking doxycycline I had left over to see if that will make a difference. I can't tell my boyfriend. Id doubt we'd be doing anything sexual anytime soon, but I just cannot tell him about it. I feel so conflicted and I know this way I can't get medicine. What do I do?
update: I told my boyfriend and he understood!

My boyfriend and I currently rent a 2 bed 2 bath apartment and since moving in we’ve had countless problems with bugs, especially roaches. Our neighbors are dirty and leave trash out all the time and we’re on the first floor.
We have the option to move to a new unit in a different building on the third floor for the remainder of our lease but it’s the same price and a slightly smaller 2 bed 1 bath. We also would be able to use our balcony more since it wouldn’t just be directly into the parking lot.
Worth it to take the risk, put effort into moving and hopefully get away from roaches and dirty neighbors?

My wife is planning on taking a trip this weekend… I am unable to go because I’ll being working Friday and she plans on leaving early to arrive at a decent hour (4hr drive) She planned on taking our 1 year old daughter with her to her friends house The friend has a boyfriend who I’m not so sure of. So about 6 months into my wife’s friends relationship with were boyfriend he displayed some character issues in my eyes (got inebriated, and spouted off random racial slurs) and I absolutely cant back a closed door racist. Maybe I’m extremely jaded… but just because you shed a tear and someone over looks that bad behavior, and you apologize. That doesn’t change anything to me especially when I won’t be there to handle whatever issue goes
It makes me think we don’t know this guy at all, what other dirty little secrets does he have in that closest, to me that just immediately means you can’t be trusted with my child.
Am I being too cautious?

My boyfriend 18M forgot to throw away our condom and left it on the floor in his room where his mom found it. I 18F know she is upset about us having sex but more upset because we did it in the house. I am no longer welcome in the house and my bf is grounded/ not allowed to see me for the time being. This is my first relationship and I wanted to have a good relationship with his mother but now every time she looks at me she’s gonna think i’m dirty and disrespectful. My boyfriend also told me that she called me “a (b word) who has no respect for her man”. Is there anything I can do to salvage any sort of relationship with her? I’m also very worried that going a while without seeing each other might cause damage to my relationship with my bf. I’d hate for something like this to be the reason that we break up.
Edit: There some parts i need to clear up. He did defend me, he told his mother to leave me out of this and to stop calling me hateful names.

1. She is NOT religious and she never gave us explicit rules to follow but i’m sure she assumed the no sex thing was implied.
   
2. We did NOT leave the condom for her to find it was a genuine mistake, he just forgot.
   
3. The condom wasn’t just out the open it was wrapped up in an old tissue. She went into his room for something unrelated while he was at work and found it
   

tl;dr my boyfriends mom found our used condom and now she hates me. what do I do?

hello! just wanting some input from a non biased pov. at my previous job i (23F) was kind of close with this guy (23M) and he definitely showed interest in me but never went further than him being really friendly at work/complimenting me etc. at the end of last year we were kinda all over each other at the end of yr work party but i havent spoken to him since i moved states earlier this year.
hes recently messaged me saying we should catch up when i visit my old state again. im a little bit weary since i havent spoken to him since december. in the last 5 months or so ive had major drama in my life with a mutual friend where theyve definitely tarnished my name. essentially me and another coworker (19F but not relevant to story relationship wise) moved states with her boyfriend and we had a major falling out within a month of the move. i became homeless and she left me and her boyfriend stranded in another state. shes gone back to our previous site and has essentially aired all the dirty laundry (which he has confirmed).
i'm scared hes just messaging me as a big prank even though we're grown. i am probably just being insecure about it all but i just really dont know. i feel like i should be ignoring whatever she woulve told him as its not a direct reflection of me.
TLDR; old workplace crush has messaged me after i moved states 6 months ago stating they want to catch up, unsure if i should take it with a grain of salt due to history with mutual friend.
my question is, do i respond and keep conversation going or to ignore it, or maybe an in between?

For many months now I've been living with my roommate I considered one of my best friends. Before we moved in together, I agreed I would help her with things as she needed it, like some financial help until she got a job and providing rides sometimes since she doesn't have a car.
Now we find ourselves in conflict a lot because of different lifestyles. The whole apartment is frequently dirty as she leaves dirty dishes, unfinished food and drinks, clothes, and mtg cards everywhere. She says she can't clean up because her depression makes it too hard and she's too tired after working 20 hours a week. I know she has depression so I try to understand, but whenever I ask her to do things she gets mad and insults me before saying she can't.
Our lease expires in two months, so I told her I don't want to live with her anymore and she told me I'm selfish because she can't support herself. I offered to pay to move her back in with her dad, but she said she doesn't want this because her mom is very mean to her.
She says I should just support her because I have a job that pays decently well, but I'm so tired of the dirty apartment and frequent fights that I feel are often very meanspirited. I don't think I'm being selfish since I give her rides pretty regularly and have been paying for groceries since she moved in, she says she'll pay me back when she can. And I offered to pay completely to get her to her parents. But maybe I am selfish because I know her mom is awful if she moves back home, and she doesn't want to go home because her parents live 6 hours from her current boyfriend. AITA for not wanting to live with her and trying to move her home?

*UPDATE*
I really appreciate all of the advice from y'all! I was already pretty set on what I was going to do, and then about an hour ago I hear dry heaving and I come out of my room to check on things just in time to see her throw up all over my living room near my bar cart because she's drunk for some reason at 11AM on a Tuesday. I'm done. I let her clean herself up and then I tell her that I don't think we're compatible as roommates and that I'm giving her 30 days to find a new place and move out. Like one of y'all said, she gave me a sob story about how she just found out a couple of days ago she has a heart condition and begged if I could give her one more month to show she's not like this because we live in New York and how it's hard to find a place, and I said I understood and genuinely sympathize about her condition, but that should've been thought of before disrespecting my space and my peace. And the sex on the sofa happened before the diagnosis, so it just sounds like an excuse. Then she called me disrespectful and I pointed out that that's untrue and that I've been more than fair and patient in all of this. She isn't taking it well and while I'm in my room I hear her walking around yelling out that "she's a dumb bitch" and that she doesn't want to be around me and that she can't stand me and slamming doors even louder than she normally does. My aunt is flying up here tomorrow to stay with me for a while just to be sure nothing goes too south. I'm honestly exhausted.
At least I have some new questions to add when I'm vetting roommates, like do you have a drinking problem haha! Appreciate y'all!
____________________________________________________________________________________________
(Reposting because it didn’t get much traction last night and I’d really love any advice on this!)
I’m at my wits end and I desperately need any advice anyone could offer. This might be a little long, but I want to give as much context as possible! So my old roommate recently moved out to move in with her boyfriend and I’m already missing her so much given the current circumstances.
My new roommate, who we’ll call Jan, moved in a few weeks ago. I met her on this roommate app that I’ve met all my former roommates on with no problems and some I even still keep in touch with. I asked her all the same questions I’ve asked previously that have landed me with great roommates and she seemed to be on the same page in the way we both want to live as roommates and in a shared space! I thought she was perfect so I extended her the offer and she moved in.
Important to note that even before she moved in I met her in person after our FaceTime call so she could see the place and we went out for a couple of drinks to get to know each other and we got along great, and no outward red flags.
The first night went fine, I came home late from a work event and she was chilling in the living room, I made sure she was settling in ok and answered any questions and went to bed. So I felt good about the decision. Then the second night came.
I had worked from home that entire day, so when she came home we watched a movie together and then I went to bed. So, she knew I was home. This was around 9PM. An hour in I hadn’t fallen asleep yet when I hear her yelling loudly at her cat about something. She does this sporadically through the night and I’m mentally thinking “oh no” because it’s the middle of the night and she knows I’m trying to sleep and is yelling at the top of her lungs at the cat and also slamming the bathroom door whenever she leaves it. I make a note to talk to her about it in the morning and try to go to sleep.
The random noises continue but I’m a heavy sleeper and I’m almost asleep when I hear our front door buzzer go off and someone's at the door. I don’t think much of it and assumed maybe she just ordered food, that is until a few minutes later I hear LOUD moaning coming from somewhere in the apartment. I shoot up in bed because I genuinely can’t believe what I’m hearing. And it is loud. Then I text my sister cause I don’t know what to do at this point. I’m hoping that was a quick slip up and also hoping that there was a man over cause the alternate would be especially weird. But the loud moaning continues, and y’all, it’s obnoxiously loud, our apartment isn't that big, she knows I’m home and it’s 1AM at this point. So I’m thinking it’s coming from her room since it’s right next to mine so I poke my head out my door intending to give a light knock on her door when I realize the noise is actually coming from the living room.
It’s the second night that she’s my roommate and she’s having sex with this guy in the living room on my sofa! I’m furious but also shocked cause I can’t believe this is happening, so I ask them if they could stop cause it’s late and they’re being loud cause I don’t know what to even say in the moment and they act all embarrassed and cover up but it’s like, y’all weren’t embarrassed when you were purposely making all of that noise KNOWING I’m home??
And yes... they left a stain.
Anyway I go to bed and the next morning I call my mom, aunts and sister to get some advice and also have them talk me down. Half of them wants me to kick her out and the other half says to talk to her and give it a month so I decide to talk to her and I would base how I’d move forward depending on her reaction.
I basically tell her that that was extremely disrespectful and felt that she took advantage of my kindness and the fact that I’m chill (maybe too chill if she thinks I’d be ok with this), and that something like that cannot ever happen again. Jan was really remorseful and seemed sincere, and she also genuinely seemed embarrassed and said that she knows it’s not an excuse but she was drunk. I made sure to ask her if she often does impulsive things like that when she’s drunk and she says no. I’m skeptical and even though I was still weirded out that someone would think that’d ever be ok, especially your second night as someone’s new roommate, but because she seemed sincere I thank her for the apology and try to move past it.
Since then everything’s been ok I guess. She does annoying things that wouldn’t bother me as much, but are grating on my nerves and stand out a bit more due to that incident. But still, nothing too out of the way until tonight, which is what prompted me to write this.
I went out of town for Memorial Day to visit family. I left on Friday evening and came back tonight on Monday. I was a little worried but walked in to a seemingly well kept apartment, so I took my suitcase to my room to go to sleep. But when I was rolling past, her door was open and I saw she was using our throw blankets from the living room as her curtains. I was a little annoyed, but again, just made a note to tell her tomorrow morning to put them back in the living room. But then I go to the bathroom and there’s stains on the toilet seat, the seat itself is off center, and there’s stains in the toilet bowl, and I had cleaned the toilet before I left so HOW did it get this dirty in less than 3 days? The bathroom sink was also dirty. After cleaning the bowl, I go in the kitchen to get a Clorox wipe to clean the seat when I see broken glass (my poor pink wine glass) shattered and left in the dish drying rack and also some shards on the floor. I understand accidents happen, but I thought it was common knowledge to not leave fragile glass in a drying rack with heavier items, and then if you do and it shatters, not to just leave it?? And what if I walked in barefoot and cut my foot? She had to have seen the glass.
Am I being unreasonable in the level of frustration I now have? Then to top it off my recycling bin is gone and so I decide to just text her and ask her where it is and also if she knows there’s broken glass in the dish drying rack? She ignores the glass question and says she’s using the recycling container in her room to empty out her stuff (I don’t understand why she keeps taking common area things into her room and then not bringing them back out) and then asks me to “please be patient with her during the process.” Not to mention she's still yelling loudly at the cat and slamming doors still and it's past 11PM at this point.
I feel as if I’ve been more than patient, possibly too patient, so to be told to be patient after asking a reasonable question and also having her ignore the glass issue sent me over the edge. I want to talk to her at some point today and I’m wondering if I should in painstaking detail go over boundaries and expectations, or go with my gut and tell her I don’t think we’re compatible and that she should plan to move out since she hasn’t fully unpacked yet anyway? I don’t want to be harsh, but I feel like these are common sense things that I shouldn’t even have to set boundaries or establish guidelines for? But my aunt always says common sense ain’t so common, so should I give her the benefit of the doubt? I really don’t think I should, but I’m also big on letting someone know the problems I have with them before abruptly ending a situation. I'm of the belief that we're all adults and should be able to live without having to set "house rules" and I've never had to with my old roommates and I don't want to be someone's mother and I don't plan on starting now. But the way things are going, I might have to or find someone else that I'm more compatible with.
Anyway, I would greatly appreciate any advice on this or even what to say to her in the case of letting her know I don’t think we should continue living together anymore (of course giving her 30 days).

Hi, I (f) am just back from an eight-day adventure in Madeira with my Patagonia Atom Tote 20l backpack. And I feel like I packed a bit too much.
The list:

• 1 icebreaker merino-lined windbreaker (worn on plane)
• 1 icebreaker merino zip sweatshirt
• 1 Jack Wolfskin rain jacket
• 1 jeans (worn on plane), 1 Athleta North Trekkie Pants, 1 shorts
• 2 merino T-shirt, 1 synthetic, 1 cotton T-shirt, 1 merino vest
• 4 pairs socks
• 3 bras
• 4 undies
• 1 Vivobarefoot primus trail all-weather shoes (worn; on the day before last they got dirty on a trail, washed them and dried overnight close to a electrical heater)
• 1 laptop macbook, 10000 mAh battery, chargers
• some cosmetics to fit in 1 l bag

The weather was nice, around 20C, bits of rain and not too much sun. We had a washing machine and washed nightly. I definitely could have gone without the icebreaker merino zip sweatshirt, 2 pairs of t-shirts, 1 pair of socks. Three of the days we stayed at some other airport hotels with no time to wash/dry, and also I was expecting cold and wind on the hiking trails - didn't happen. If the forecast was warmer, I would have also taken a pair of Xeroshoes sandals that take no space, and a linen skirt in stead of jeans for going about towns.
For this trip I gave my boyfriend my Osprey Centauri (22l, but feels a lot bigger) bag, and we were both quite happy with our onebagging choices. He had it almost half-full with space for souvenirs; he travelled with one long zipp-off pants, one rain jacket, one shorts (never worn), one bathing suit (never worn), three cotton short-sleeve t-shirts, 1 synthetic long-sleeve t-shirt and 3 underwear.
Thanks to all in this subreddit for the inspiration!

I met my best friend Jen in seventh grade and we have been close ever since (about 20 years now) for the past few years she has been dating this guy. At first I thought he was great but then I started seeing red flags. The biggest one with all the dirty jokes he says, I’m no saint I’ll laugh at a dirty joke or two but it bothers me when they are nonstop. Basically anything out of his mouth is a dirty joke or something negative. He’s a good decade older than us (me, Jen, and my boyfriend) and I don’t think the jokes are appropriate at his age.
He’s made jokes saying that my face’s complexion didn’t look right. Which was scary for me because I have severe medical conditions so the coloring of my complexion is typically the first’s indicator that something is wrong. Like that I’m about to faint. So I immediately went into panic mode checking my heart rate and such, only for him to laugh and say he was kidding. But I would say the biggest issue is the constant dirty jokes because I feel uncomfortable around him without my boyfriend.
He’s also joked about slapping my a* which he did the next day. I told my friend and she brushed it off saying that’s how he jokes. I’ve told her a few times but she never seems to remember. There have been times when she thinks I forget about her because I don’t message her frequently or make plans but I really just don’t want to make plans for a girls day and he’s suddenly there (has happened in the past). What should I do? Am I overreacting? AITA?

It breaks my heart reading this letters but it also show us how magnificent and unbreakable his faith remained until he sadly passed.
Primera carta
21 de octubre de 1972,
Queridos viejos, Rossina y chicos,
Les estoy escribiendo a 8 días de haberse caído el avión. Estamos en un lugar divino, todo cerrado por montañas y con un lago en el fondo que se va a deshelar apenas comience el deshielo.
Estamos todos muy bien, somos en el momento 26 los vivos. Hoy se murió la hermana de Nando Parrado.
La moral existente es increíble y hay colaboración permanente entre todos. Roy [Harley], Diego [Storm], Roberto [Canessa], Carlitos [Páez], y yo, estamos perfectamente bien, solo un poco más flacos y barbudos.
El domingo pasado, pasaron por arriba nuestro dos aviones, dos veces cada uno, por lo que estamos muy tranquilos y lo que es más, convencidos de que nos van a venir a buscar. Lo único que nos hace dudar un poco, es que como el avión se desvió de la ruta, quién sabe todavía si nos vieron. Nuestra fe en Dios es increíble (se podría decir que es común en ciertos casos como este), pero yo creo que está muy por encima.
¿Se preguntan cómo vivimos? Bueno, la verdad que el avión no está todavía perfectamente acondicionado y por el momento no es un gran hotel, pero ya va a quedar bastante bien.
Agua tenemos de sobra, puesto que hacemos constantemente. Comida, tuvimos la suerte de que nos quedara una lata de Costamar, cuatro de dulce, tres latas de mariscos, algunos chocolates y dos botellas de whisky chicas. Por supuesto la comida no es muy abundante que digamos, pero da para vivir.
Los días acá, cuando son lindos, se puede estar afuera hasta más o menos las seis de la tarde, ahora, si están nublados, generalmente nos quedamos en el hotel (avión) y solo sale una pequeña cuadrilla a buscar nieve.
Los cuartos no son muy cómodos, puesto que las habitaciones son para 26 personas (no pudimos conseguir para menos), pero algo es algo. El espacio es un poco reducido, puesto que lo que quedó del avión fue de la cabina (que esta deshecha) hasta la parte de las alas, que quedaron diseminadas muy atrás. Para que hubiera espacio, tuvimos que sacar todos los sillones para afuera y “cuerearlos” para que hubiera mantas para todos. Como verán, poco a poco estamos mejorando el confort.
Los extraño mucho y constantemente le pido a Dios que, por lo menos, si me quiere llevar hacia el infinito, me deje verlos un día más.
No me puedo olvidar de cuando llegaba todas las noches de tu casa, Rossina, y te veía a vos mamá tejiendo o arreglando algo, ni de vos papá, cuando me llevabas a la facultad o cuando charlábamos los sábados (puesto que la verdad, los últimos días te veía poco); culpa mía por supuesto.
Rossina, no podés imaginar lo que te extraño, no tengo manera de decírtelo; suerte que en la billetera tenía una foto tuya y todas las noches antes de acostarme le doy un beso, todo como si estuviera ahí, en tu casa, despidiéndome de ti. Lo único que quiero ahora es llegar, casarme contigo si tú lo quieres.
Pero no puedo pensar mucho en todo esto porque lloro mucho y me dijeron que tratara de no llorar, ya que me deshidrato; es increíble, ¿no?
Mónica, Ale y Raquelina [sus tres hermanos menores], tampoco se pueden imaginar lo que los extraño. Todos ustedes son lo único que tengo, por lo tanto, voy a tratar de sobrevivir de todas formas, si Dios me ayuda para volver a verlos.- Juan [García-Austt, el novio de Mónica, su hermana], tú trata de ser el hermano mayor que yo no pude lograr ser y por favor cuida a Mónica, a los viejos y a Rossina.
Vivimos haciendo chistes con la comida; todos los días a alguien se le ocurre, por supuesto, elegir el desayuno o la comida, y por supuesto ni en el “Bungalow Suizo” se come así (que no se enojen los Camou por esto). Yo los extraño mucho, Cristina, Rosario, Pinocho, Ama, Bettina, Raúl, el Gordo, Marito, Mónica [familiares y primos de su novia Rossina] a todos. Pero yo probablemente si me dieran a elegir, elegiría las comidas de Blanca y los vasos de leche de casa.
Es increíble lo que se puede llegar a valorar las cosas en estos casos. Nada hay como Montevideo, como casa, como poder verlos todo el día, como poder estar contigo Rossina todas las noches.
Ahora están aquí al lado mío: Daniel [Maspons], Diego [Storm], Arturito [Nogueira] y Álvaro [Mangino] y justo estábamos comentando que era muy raro que todavía no hayan aparecido los del rescate, pero a mí se me ocurre que estamos en un lugar bastante inaccesible, que solamente puede verse por tierra y que como hicieron unos días bastante bravos (tuvimos algunos aludes chicos), se han demorado. Esto y la fe en Dios que ahora tenemos es lo que nos conserva tranquilos.
Rezamos todas las noches y las mañanas, y todos los días uno encabeza las oraciones comentando con sus propias palabras el sentido de la oración. Es una manera de darnos fe y ánimo mutuamente.
Todas las noches uno cuenta una anécdota suya y hay algunas muy divertidas, como de suegros y suegras, que ya se las voy a contar algún día. Espero que sea lo más pronto posible.
Lo increíble de todo esto es un amigo que me hice acá, el “Moncho” Sabella, dormimos generalmente juntos y de la mano y nos respiramos constantemente para darnos calor en las noches de frío. Si no hubiera sido por él, pienso que en la primera noche me hubiera muerto, puesto que como el avión estaba deshecho hacía muchísimo frío y esta fue la noche en que se murió el grupo más grande de gente.
Debo destacar entre ellos a Pancho Abal, que murió por tapar a la hermana del Nando, que ya les conté se murió hoy de mañana al lado mío. Carlitos [Páez] le dio masajes, pero ya no había nada que hacer.
Carlitos se fue ayer [20 de octubre], con Roberto Canessa, Numa Turcatti y Fito Strauch, a escalar la montaña por donde se cayó el avión, para ver si podían encontrar la cola y las baterías para poder hablar por radio, puesto que estamos totalmente incomunicados. No pudieron llegar puesto que el tiempo cambió mucho y se les hizo muy brava la caminata, ya que no tenían ningún tipo de aparato para la nieve; con todo, demostraron ser de los tipos más valientes de los que quedaron.
Carlitos es además el “pastillero” del grupo, se encarga de administrar todos los remedios; Roy es el cocinero, se encarga de repartir día a día la “suculenta comida”, lo que hace muy bien, aunque a veces se pasa un poco, pero como estamos entre amigos no pasa nada. Gustavo Zerbino y Roberto Canessa son los médicos, con la colaboración de Diego Storm, por el momento se están portando y hay varios heridos graves que lo están pasando mucho mejor gracias a la ayuda de ellos. Yo como veterinario coopero poco en estos casos.
Bueno, los dejo porque se está haciendo de tardecita y hay mucho trabajo que hacer.
Un beso grande para todos y los volveré a ver si Dios quiere, de no ser así, lo único que les pido es que tengan un gran valor y no se preocupen por mí porque estoy seguro que Dios me llevará con él.
A ti Rossina, ya no sé de qué manera decirte que te quiero y te adoro y que te extraño de una manera tan sobrenatural que nunca hubiera creído yo podría querer así tan intensamente.
Gustavo Diego Nicolich Arocena.
(La carta continúa media página más, pero está en un estado muy deteriorado y contiene frases enteras perdidas, lo que no permite la comprensión.)
First letter
October 21, 1972,
Dear old people, Rossina and boys,
I am writing to you 8 days after the plane crashed. We are in a divine place, all closed by mountains and with a lake in the background that is going to thaw as soon as the thaw begins.
We are all very well, we are currently the 26th alive. Nando Parrado's sister died today.
The existing moral is incredible and there is permanent collaboration between everyone. Roy [Harley], Diego [Storm], Roberto [Canessa], Carlitos [Páez], and I, we are perfectly fine, just a little thinner and bearded.
Last Sunday, our two planes passed over, twice each, so we are very calm and what's more, convinced that they are going to come and look for us. The only thing that makes us doubt a little, is that since the plane deviated from the route, who still knows if they saw us. Our faith in God is incredible (you could say that it is common in certain cases like this), but I think it is far above.
Do you wonder how we live? Well, the truth is that the plane is not yet perfectly conditioned and at the moment it is not a great hotel, but it will look quite good.
We have plenty of water, since we do it constantly. Food, we were lucky that we were left with one can of Costamar, four of sweet, three cans of seafood, some chocolates and two bottles of small whiskey. Of course the food is not very abundant, but it is enough to live on.
The days here, when they are nice, you can be outside until about six in the afternoon, now, if it's cloudy, we usually stay at the hotel (plane) and only a small crew goes out to look for snow.
The rooms are not very comfortable, since the rooms are for 26 people (we couldn't get it for less), but something is something. The space is a little small, since what was left of the plane was from the cabin (which is undone) to the part of the wings, which were scattered far behind. For there to be space, we had to take all the armchairs outside and "cure them" so that there were blankets for everyone. As you will see, little by little we are improving comfort.
I miss them a lot and I constantly ask God that, at least, if he wants to take me to infinity, let me see them one more day.
I can't forget when I came every night from your house, Rossina, and I saw you mom weaving or fixing something, or your dad, when you took me to college or when we chatted on Saturdays (since the truth is, the last few days I saw you little); my fault of course.
Rossina, you can't imagine how much I miss you, I have no way to tell you; luckily I had a picture of you in my wallet and every night before going to bed I kiss him, all as if I were there, at your house, saying goodbye to you. The only thing I want now is to get there, marry you if you want it.
But I can't think much about all this because I cry a lot and they told me to try not to cry, since I get dehydrated; it's incredible, isn't it?
Mónica, Ale and Raquelina [their three younger siblings], can't imagine what I miss them either. All of you are the only thing I have, therefore, I will try to survive anyway, if God helps me to see you again.- Juan [García-Austt, Monica's boyfriend, her sister], you try to be the older brother that I could not be and please take care of Monica, the old people and Rossina.
We live making jokes with food; every day someone thinks, of course, to choose breakfast or food, and of course not even in the "Swiss Bungalow" do you eat like that (don't let the Camou get angry about this). I miss them a lot, Cristina, Rosario, Pinocchio, Ama, Bettina, Raúl, El Gordo, Marito, Mónica [family members and cousins of their girlfriend Rossina] to everyone. But if they gave me a choice, I would choose Blanca's meals and the glasses of milk from home.
It's incredible what you can value things in these cases. There is nothing like Montevideo, like home, like being able to see them all day, like being able to be with you Rossina every night.
Now they are here next to me: Daniel [Maspons], Diego [Storm], Arturito [Nogueira] and Álvaro [Mangino] and we were just commenting that it was very rare that the rescuers have not yet appeared, but it occurs to me that we are in a quite inaccessible place, which can only be seen by land and that as they did a few rather brave days (we had some small avalanches), they have been delayed. This and the faith in God that we now have is what keeps us calm.
We pray every night and morning, and every day one heads the prayers, commenting with his own words on the meaning of the prayer. It's a way to give each other faith and encouragement.
Every night one tells an anecdote of his and there are some very funny ones, such as in-laws and mothers-in-law, which I'm going to tell you someday. I hope it will be as soon as possible.
The incredible thing about all this is a friend I made here, the "Moncho" Sabella, we usually sleep together and hand in hand and we breathe constantly to warm us on cold nights. If it hadn't been for him, I think that on the first night I would have died, since the plane was undone it was very cold and this was the night that the largest group of people died.
I must highlight among them Pancho Abal, who died for covering up the sister of Nando, who I already told them, died today next to me tomorrow. Carlitos [Páez] gave him massages, but there was nothing to do anymore.
Carlitos left yesterday [October 20], with Roberto Canessa, Numa Turcatti and Fito Strauch, to climb the mountain where the plane fell, to see if they could find the queue and the batteries to be able to talk on the radio, since we are totally incommunicado. They couldn't get there since the weather changed a lot and the walk was very brave, since they didn't have any type of snow equipment; nevertheless, they proved to be one of the bravest guys left.
Carlitos is also the "picker" of the group, he is in charge of managing all the remedies; Roy is the cook, he is in charge of distributing the "succulent food" day by day, which he does very well, although sometimes it goes a little, but since we are among friends nothing happens. Gustavo Zerbino and Roberto Canessa are the doctors, with the collaboration of Diego Storm, at the moment they are behaving and there are several serious injuries who are having a much better time thanks to their help. As a veterinarian, I do not cooperate much in these cases.
Well, I'll leave them because it's getting done in the afternoon and there's a lot of work to do.
A big kiss for everyone and I will see you again if God wants, if not, the only thing I ask is that you have great courage and do not worry about me because I am sure that God will take me with him.
To you Rossina, I no longer know how to tell you that I love you and adore you and that I miss you in such a supernatural way that I would never have believed I could want it so intensely.
Gustavo Diego Nicolich Arocena.
(The letter continues half a page more, but it is in a very deteriorated state and contains whole lost sentences, which does not allow understanding.)
Segunda carta
Queridísima Rossina: 22/10/72
Te estoy escribiendo de adentro del avión (nuestro Petit Hotel por el momento), ya es de tardecita y empezó a hacer un poco de frío y a soplar viento, muy común suceda a esta hora.- El día de hoy fue bárbaro, un sol divino y mucho calor, me hacía recordar los días en la playa contigo, pero con la diferencia de ir al medio día a comer contigo a tu casa me tengo que quedar afuera del avión sin comida alguna.- Hoy aparte de todo fue un día un poco depresivo puesto que mucha gente se entró a desanimar (hoy hace 10 días que estamos aquí) pero a mí por suerte todavía no me tocó el desánimo, puesto que con sólo pensar en que te voy a volver a ver, me vienen fuerzas increíbles.-
Otra de las causas del desánimo general es que dentro de un rato se nos acaba la comida, nos quedan nada más que 2 latas de mariscos (chicas), 1 botella de vino blanco y un poco de granadina que indudablemente para 26 hombres (bueno también chicos que quieren ser hombres) no es nada.- Una cosa que te va a parecer increíble a mí también me parece; hoy empezamos a cortar a los muertos para comerlos, no tenemos otro remedio.- Yo por mi parte le pedí a Dios en todo lo posible que nunca llegara este día, pero llegó y tenemos que afrontarlo con valentía y con fé.- Fé porque llegué a la conclusión de que los cuerpos están ahí porque los puso Dios, y como lo único que interesa es el alma, no tengo por qué tener un gran remordimiento y si llegara el día y yo con mi cuerpo pudiera salvar a alguien, gustoso lo haría.-
No sé cómo estarán tú, ni papá ni mamá ni los chicos por ahí, pensar en que están sufriendo no saben cuánto me entristece, vivo pidiéndole a Dios que los tranquilice y les dé valor porque es esta la única manera de salir de esto que creo pronto tendrá un final feliz para todos.-
Cuando me veas te vas a asustar, estoy mugriento, barbudo, un poco flaco, con un tajo grande en la cabeza, otro en la frente que ya se me curó y uno chiquito que me hice hoy trabajando en la cabina del avión, además de pequeños tajos en las piernas y en el hombro, pero con todo estoy muy bien.-
Hoy pudimos recomponer una radio transistor que encontramos el otro día en el avión, Roy la arregló y mañana esperamos tener noticias por algún noticiario chileno o argentino del rescate.- Si lo hubieran suspendido, cosa que yo no creo y a esta altura me parecería increíble, dentro de tres o cuatro días cuando recobremos algo de fuerzas, un grupo creo que nos largamos a atravesar la parte de la Cordillera que nos queda que espero sea poca.-
Por lo que ves no tenemos la menor idea dónde estamos puesto que cuando volamos hacia Chile el piloto creyó haber pasado Curico y en Chile le informaron que descendiera, inmediatamente aminoró la marcha y en unos pocos segundos agarramos unos pozos de aire que nos hacían bajar 1000 a 2000 pies y cuando el mecánico (que está vivo con nosotros, le dio toda la potencia posible, ya era tarde).- El choque fue increíble, yo venía adelante con Diego al lado que venía contra la ventana y no me dió ni tiempo a asustarme porque en el momento que Diego me dijo que mirara por la ventana, la cola se enganchó en la montaña y volaron la alas en el momento.- El Avión enseguida se entró a deslizar por la montaña hacia al mismo tiempo que entraba nieve por los boquetes y nos iba congelando de a poco hasta que de pronto se detuvo.- Diego y Yo quedamos amarrados por los asientos boca abajo (puesto que en el ínterin el avión se inclinó).- Lo que nos pareció a la mayoría luego increíble fue que lo primero que hicimos fue preguntar por todos nosotros Carlitos, Gordo, Diego, Roy, Moncho, Gordo Echavarren es decir todos nosotros más 2 que ya habíamos salido juntos en Mendoza.- Tuvimos la suerte que Dios quiso que estuviéramos todos.- En seguida Roberto Canesa-Gustavo Zerbino-Daniel Maspons y Marcelo Perez,que fueron los que quedaron libres, enseguida empezaron a ayudar a todos.- Yo pude salir al rato y enseguida saqué a Diego y con Diego al Gordo Echavarren; al poco tiempo estábamos casi todos liberados.-
En seguida oscureció y fue la noche más larga fría y triste de mi vida, parecía las descripciones del infierno del Dante, eran unos gritos tras otros, un frío infernal que entraba por todos lados puesto que no pudimos tapar nada y algunos pasajeros que no los habíamos podido sacar totalmente de sus lugares, y tuvieron que dormir enganchados en sus lugares y lamentablemente a la mañana siguiente varios murieron.- Indudablemente nunca ninguno podrá volver a sufrir lo que sufrimos esa noche, pero por suerte ya pasó.- Yo probablemente la aguanté porque viví toda la noche pensando en ti y en los viejos y gracias a Moncho Sabella, un gran amigo que me hice en este viaje y que pronto lo vas a conocer, de no haber sido en parte por él me hubiera muerto de frío y de ataque de histerismo porque fue horrible.- Moncho es un gran tipo y tiene en común conmigo en que le gusta el Tambo y tiene uno y él y Coche Inciarte me envalaron para que me dedicara a eso y yo la idea que tengo ahora es volver a verte, casarme contigo lo más pronto posible e irnos a vivir a alguna chacrita apartada que estoy seguro voy a conseguir.-
Todo esto es muy lindo, pero tengo un poco de miedo de que si esto se prolonga mucho, cómo quedaré mentalmente, espero no me pase nada, pero si no me vas a tener que ayudar mucho.-
Rossi andá pidiéndole permiso ya a Bettina para venir este verano a La Paloma conmigo, pero no por una semana sino por todo el verano, porque después de esto yo no puedo ni tengo valor para estar ni un segundo lejos de ti.- En todo caso decile a Bettina que se venga con nosotros y si querés a Ana.- Yo también los extraño mucho. - Hoy de mañana me acordaba de los días en La Paloma en lo de Cecilia de Luisa, Patricia, René y de todos tus amigos, y pensando son la cosa más divina que conocí; también pensaba en cuando me enojaba contigo por “4B” y otras cosas y me parecía tan increíble poderme enojar contigo que desde aquí en los Andes te pido me lo perdones y nunca te acuerdes de cosas malas de mí.-Me acordaba de cuando fuimos al cine a ver “Amigos”, qué lindo si pudiéramos ser así.- Me acuerdo cuando me ayudaste a hacer la valija y cuando me ordenabas la ropa.- Hablando de esto decile a mamá que el botón del saco que me cosió se me salió pero que por suerte lo encontré, me acuerdo también de la ida de Juan y Mónica y Ale a Tom Tom.-
Pobre Ale decile que le perdí las camisas pero que le prometo le voy a llevar todas las que pueda.- También extraño las llamadas por teléfono que atendía para Raque y cuando me servía la comida cuando yo llegaba tarde, pensar todo lo que tengo y nunca lo llegué a valorar, es increíble tengo todo lo que quiero y con todo estoy inconforme.-
Por suerte el otro día me encontré una medalla en el avión, son 1000 pesos uruguayos y no tiene nada que ver con Dios ni con religión pero a mi me recuerda la que te regalé a ti y me hace sentir muy cerca tuyo y de Dios. —Hoy es domingo y ahora tenemos que resar una oración personal en voz alta c/u en vez de ir a misa.- Esto también me hace acordar a mamá cuando me dijo: “qué lástima que yo no iba a misa contigo todos los domingos”, pensar que yo no le hice caso y no sabés cuánto me arrepiento ahora.-
Recién se les ocurrió jugar a las películas, me parece increíble, como si estuviera contigo en lo de Brynard con Amalita y Pepe riéndonos y jorobando todos juntos; qué divino me acuerdo de Amalita cuando chillaba porque le robaba la comida; cuánto también no daría ahora por vasos de leche y los turrones.-
Todo todo es increíble cómo lo valoro, por ejemplo me acuerdo cuando Marito se reía porque yo comía cualquier cosa, no sabés lo que pagaríamos ahora por cualquier cosa de esas y no la comería como cualquier cosa sino como un manjar especial.-
Ahora estamos acostados, Roy –Carlitos y Diego enfrente el Gordo y Moncho a los costados, acabamos de comer un poco de marisco, una porción más chica que lo que podría caber en una tapa de whisky un poco de vino blanco mendocino, que lo servimos en las tapitas de los cargadores de gas que te había comprado para el yesquero.-Ah no sabés, estoy repleto, no doy más, quisiera saber quién se pueda dar estos placeres en el medio de la Cordillera!
Ahora dentro de un ratito va a oscurecer y yo Rossi voy a tratar de dormirme pensando en que estoy en tu casa contigo bien al lado tomando un cafecito con un puchito, no Rossi, qué lindo dentro de unos días podrá ser, bueno chau Rossi un beso grandote, mil besos hasta mañana.-
Gustavo.
Second letter
Dearest Rossina: 10/22/72
I'm writing to you from inside the plane (our Petit Hotel for the moment), it's already in the afternoon and it started to get a little cold and wind blowing, very common to happen at this time.- Today was barbaric, a divine sun and a lot of heat, it reminded me of the days at the beach with you, but with the difference of going to lunch with you at your house I have to stay outside the plane without any food.- Today apart from everything it was a slightly depressive day since many people got discouraged (today We've been here for 10 days) but luckily I still haven't got discouraged, since just thinking about what I'm going to see you again, I get incredible strength.-
Another cause of the general discouragement is that in a while we will run out of food, we have nothing more than 2 cans of seafood (girls), 1 bottle of white wine and a little grenadine that undoubtedly for 26 men (well also guys who want to be men) is nothing.- One thing that is going to you will seem incredible to me too it seems to me; today we start to cut the dead to eat them, we have no other remedy.- For my part I asked God in every possible that this day never came, but it arrived and we have to face it with courage and faith.- Faith because I came to the conclusion that the bodies are there because God put them, and since the only thing that interests is the soul, I don't have to have great remorse and if the day came and I with my body I could save someone, I would gladly do it.-
I don't know how you will be, neither dad nor mom nor the boys out there, thinking that they are suffering they don't know how sad it makes me, I live asking God to reassure them and give them courage because this is the only way to get out of this that I think will soon have a happy ending for everyone.-
When you see me you're going to get scared, I'm dirty, bearded, a little skinny, with a big cut on my head, another one on my forehead that has already been healed and a little one that I did today working in the cabin of the plane, in addition to small cuts in my legs and shoulder, but with everything I'm very well.-
Today we were able to recompose a transistor radio that we found the other day on the plane, Roy fixed it and tomorrow we hope to have news from some Chilean or Argentine newscast of the rescue.- If they had suspended it, which I do not believe and at this point it would seem incredible to me, in three or four days when we regain some strength, a group I think we will go to cross the part of the Cordillera that we have left that I hope is little.-
From what you see we have no idea where we are since when we flew to Chile the pilot thought he had passed Curico and in Chile they informed him to descend, he immediately slowed down and in a few seconds we grabbed some air wells that made us go down 1000 to 2000 feet and when the mechanic (who is alive with us, gave him all the possible power, it was already late).- The crash was incredible, I came forward with Diego next to the side who was coming against the window and he didn't even give me time to be scared because at the moment that Diego He told me to look out the window, the tail hooked on the mountain and the wings flew at the moment.- The Plane immediately went in to slide down the mountain towards the same time that snow entered through the holes and was freezing us little by little until it suddenly stopped.- Diego and I were tied by the seats upside down (since in the meantime the plane tilted).- What seemed to most of us then incredible was that the first thing we did was ask for all of us Carlitos, Gordo, Diego, Roy, Moncho, Gordovar Echaren that is to say all of us plus 2 who had already gone out together in Mendoza.- We were lucky that God wanted us all to be there.- Immediately Roberto Canesa-Gustavo Zerbino-Daniel Maspons and Marcelo Perez, who were the ones who were free, they immediately began to help everyone.- I was able to go out after a while and I immediately took Diego and Diego to the Gordo Echavarren; soon we were almost all freed.-
Immediately it darkened and it was the longest cold and saddest night of my life, it seemed like the descriptions of Dante's hell, they were some screams after another, a hellish cold that entered everywhere since we could not cover anything and some passengers who had not been able to take them totally out of their places, and they had to sleep hooked in their places and unfortunately the next morning several died.- Undoubtedly no one will ever be able to suffer again what we suffered that night, but luckily it already happened. - I probably endured it because I lived all night thinking about you and in the old ones and thanks to Moncho Sabella, a great friend that I made on this trip and that you will soon meet him, if it had not been partly for him I would have died of cold and an attack of hystericism because it was horrible.- Moncho is a great guy and he has in common with me that he likes the Tambo and he has one and he and Coche Inciarte they packed me so that I would dedicate myself to that and I have now the idea I have now is to see you again, marry you as soon as possible and go to live in some apart chacrita that I'm sure I'm going to get.-
All this is very nice, but I'm a little afraid that if this lasts a long time, how will I look mentally, I hope nothing happens to me, but if not you're going to have to help me a lot.-
Rossi is asking Bettina's permission to come this summer to La Paloma with me, but not for a week but for the whole summer, because after this I can't and I don't have the courage to be a second away from you. - In any case tell Bettina to come with us and if you want Ana. - I also miss them a lot. - Today tomorrow I remembered the days in La Paloma in what Cecilia de Luisa, Patricia, René and all your friends, and thinking they are the most divine thing I knew; I also thought when I got angry with you for "4B" and other things and it seemed so incredible to be able to get angry with you that from here in the Andes I ask you to forgive me and never remember bad things about me.-I remembered when we went to the movies to see "Friends", how nice if we could be like that.- I remember when you helped me make the suitcase and when you ordered my clothes.- Speaking of this, tell mom that the button on the sack that sewed me came out but that luckily I found it, I also remember Juan's way and Monica and Ale to Tom Tom.-
Poor Ale told him that I lost his shirts but I promise I will take him as many as I can.- I also miss the phone calls he answered for Raque and when he served me the food when I was late, think about everything I have and I never got to value it, it's incredible I have everything I want and with everything I'm dissatisfied.-
Luckily the other day I found a medal on the plane, it's 1000 Uruguayan pesos and it has nothing to do with God or religion but it reminds me of the one I gave you and it makes me feel very close to you and God. -Today is Sunday and now we have to say a personal prayer out loud instead of going to Mass.- This also reminds me of mom when she told me: "what a pity that I didn't go to Mass with you every Sunday", to think that I didn't listen to her and I didn't You know how much I regret it now.-
It just occurred to them to play the movies, I find it incredible, as if I were with you in Brynard with Amalita and Pepe laughing and humping all together; how divine I remember Amalita when she screamed because she stole her food; how much I would also not give now for glasses of milk and nougats.-
Everything is incredible how I value it, for example I remember when Marito laughed because I ate anything, you don't know what we would pay now for any of those things and I wouldn't eat it like anything but as a special delicacy.
Now we are lying down, Roy -Carlitos and Diego in front of the Gordo and Moncho on the sides, we just ate some seafood, a smaller portion than what could fit in a whiskey lid a little Mendoza white wine, which we serve on the lids of the gas chargers that I had bought for the yoer.-Ah you don't know, I'm full, I don't give more, I would like to know who can give these pleasures in the middle of the Cordillera!
Now in a little while it's going to get dark and I Rossi I'm going to try to fall asleep thinking that I'm at your house with you right next door having a coffee with a little puchito, not Rossi, how nice in a few days it can be, well bye Rossi a big kiss, a thousand kisses see you tomorrow.-
Gustavo.

Zina is absolutely disgusting and I hope everyone stays away from it.
My personal story:
I (30F) grew up in a Muslim only by name household which means my parents were not religious and they never really cared about Islam or teaching their kids anything religious.
They did not tell me and my sister to cover and didn’t even get us to read Qur’an. My dad actively encouraged us to work as a lifeguard where we had to wear clothes that were not very decent.
Looking back I’m extremely angry at my parents and especially my dad for not teaching me my religion but I know that doesn’t excuse my sins. Because as a teenager I did have a boyfriend for 4 years and I did commit Zina but then I left.
I repented and learned my religion on my own and had to constantly fight my parents because they didn’t like me becoming more pious and religious. And eventually I had a desire to get married.
As someone who learns the religion after making big mistakes, you get stuck because you don’t want the men that are not religious, the religious men don’t want you, and the religious men that also repented also don’t want a women with a past so you’re kind of stuck.
The search was tough but then somehow I found a religious pious man who was chaste himself and I’m not sure how he accepted me. He is the most handsome man I have ever met and his humility is inspiring.
I look at him and he feels like home, something that you’ll never feel in a haram relation.
I know if I served him a lifetime it would not be enough to repay the favour he has done on me and the respect he has shown. He encouraged me to wear the hijab and helped me recite the Qur’an.
Seeing the abundance of Zina posts on this sub makes me feel selfish for marrying a man of his calibre. I don’t even compare to his left toe and I guess I feel like he should’ve married a chaste women and not someone dirty like me. Although I am grateful I get to call him my man.
I’m scared that other men would not respect him for marrying a women with a past and that I should’ve walked away from him so he could find a chaste women.
I wish I was better and worthy of him. If any girls are even remotely thinking about committing Zina, please don’t do it.