MAIORES. IV, CAL. IUNI. FORTUNA PRIMIGENIA.

This subject follows along from the general conclusion of infantilism, i.e. if we agree that infantilism exists in a culture that therefore all aspects of (such a culture) must be examined as to how they are impacted ‘by’ that infantilism, as: infantilism constitutes an undeveloped form of a thing; here (without covering absolutely every single aspect of it, as this could be a book in and of itself) we explore ‘sexual immaturity’ and its promulgation and consequences (of which we could easily make the case of the consequences as to be the cause of ‘all social ill’).
In an anthropological view; as if like we are looking at a chimpanzee colony, both procreation and familial-tribal child-raising takes place in our contemporary Western societies in a very clumsy sort of way; with the latter (i.e. the actual raising of children) not occurring at all, with the consequence of ‘arrested development’ – and usually we would recognize and name this, if we ever thought very deeply about it:
However, the notion that all of this could be reduced to and fathomed as ‘sexual immaturity’ is an interesting (and unexplored) avenue to approach these matters from; certainly the act of actual procreation is deliberately accidental (I mean here in the contemporary West) in that a Woman does “not seek a mate” and then become pregnant, i.e. she does not even the sexual act to be procreative, rather: she accidentally becomes pregnant (“it was a miracle”), having beforehand and all throughout the duration and beyond it a culture which is far detached from the physical reality of things and thus a new human is created with no forethought for its care or provision and no security net in place to provide for it and ensure its prosperity and intelligent up-bringing, and increasingly there are fewer and fewer intelligent older persons around who are capable of providing the education and care for that child as would naturally exist in the large familial-tribal unit of an extended family where, historically, we all came from and of which is still the norm across much of the world, (i.e. village elders who would otherwise raise the children up to be intelligent even if the Mother herself is too young to be a real parent - if we imagine as the species norm would be that most Women historically had their first child at around the age of fourteen or fifteen). Without, then, that familial-tribal unit to instruct and care for the child’s intellectual development and without either land to make a living from to provide tis economic development then we find a cursed life, that is: a life far more difficult than it otherwise ought be had it been born in a more wisely chosen environment.
My point here is that ‘procreation’ is considered almost never at all by our society as being the most basic step in the creation and promulgation ‘of’ a tribal unit; with procreation itself being left down to blind chance and more often either legitimately accidentally or feigned accidently so as to attempt to cement a relationship (see: divorce and break-up rates in the West), either way this is the material circumstance into which children are born.
To say, then, that not grasping this reality ‘is’ itself a product of sexual immaturity; i.e. a Woman who does not understand what a new human is, seems to me to be far more of an accurate view of the thing than to declare it as ‘sexual immorality’ as it is usually insisted by the Abramic types, as: rather obviously it is ‘Sexual Immaturity’ rather than ‘Sexual Immorality’ that is the really cause of (the above scenario), that is: it is not Men and Women knowing too much about sex but of Men and Women knowing virtually nothing at all and therefore absent of a practice and familiarity necessary for Sexual Maturity, with Sexual Maturity itself being the very thing declared to be Immorality - an irreconcilable paradox.
It seems to me, then, that the habits we observe of ‘accidental pregnancy’ are the natural occurrence in such an unnatural society; that is: a consequence of misplaced moralism over the vital mechanical sexual functions of the human body (a thing which may well dominate and drive our unconsciousness entirely) have been rendered so alien to our expression and consideration but of which are so incessant and irrepressible; that sexual release is habitually denied, I mean here societally (i.e. “it is not polite”), and only finds ‘permission’ to appear in extreme drunkenness in fits of frenzy, and so on, so that when procreation actually occurs it is sporadic and neither at that moment nor before it was the adult rational mind involved – again, this is plainly a consequence of ‘sexual immaturity’ ‘before’ it could ever be said to be a consequence of ‘sexual immorality’.
It’s worth considering, of our own society in contemporary times, how far removed we are from most of the world which practices arrange marriages in one form or another (i.e. whether we are speaking of large tribal units or smaller family units) and what the consequence of this is on our own communities being absent of that; that is: the most fertile years of our lives are not spent having gotten procreation out of the way by having five or six children by the age of twenty or nineteen (so that when the child is fifteen you might be thirty, which seems to be the age where the sexual drive begins to dissipate or has anyway lost its novelty), and instead (i.e. without of being match-made far earlier in life) procreation instead occurs – if it does at all – accidentally and well-past the most fertile and healthy years, with such children being often quite sickly and the strain on the body being significantly more risky to the Mother (haphazardly enabled only then by massive external resources which would not have been required at all beforehand). I do not mean to seem as if I am advocating “having five or six children by the age of twenty or nineteen” only that in our natural environment this has always been the way of the thing due to natural sexual exploration when we are at that age.
At the same time, at the beginning and at the end of this “waste of time” (as I would say) of those most fertile years in which our sexuality is forbidden to us; that culture which we examine here as being simply Sexual Immaturity, it has been the case that that “Immaturity” persists well into later life by those afflicted adults who were forbidden to practise their natural sexuality when they were at the age where they wanted to, that is that the culture and mentality of such persons subjected to such restrictions quite demonstrably can be shown to have regressed them to the point that, as then as adults, they dress as children, speak and think as children, shun adult responsibility and seem altogether to have matured intellectually no further than the age of twelve or thirteen years, despite physiologically and neurologically having surpassed far beyond that early almost larval-like stage of our development where the body and mind are both only partially formed.
Instead it has been the “dragging-out” of that childlike insensibility, again: to no useful outcome, which has by that point in time essentially mitigated most of their procreative potentiality in that 1) physically having children is then far more difficult for them, and 2) they are now twenty-five years behind where their familial-tribal unit might otherwise have been, i.e. they do not have five or six twenty year old children bringing in incomes to the Household (to purchase a Household in the first place if they did not possess one before) or working the land (or likewise to purchase land) so that their prosperity will not have developed beyond mere subsistence off of the external labour market so as to escape the poverty and dependency traps inherent in the cities – which nominally constitutes their entire existence ‘to’ escape such miseries. All in all it is a lot of hard work by that point and I could not help but notice, of my own generation and those slightly older, how this outcome would have been entirely altered and set on a more prosperous trajectory if, say, at the age of sixteen a couple had been put together and had a few children, as: by the age of twenty the best seeds would have been sewn and they would not have to even think about “having children” ever again which is itself a thing, I observe anyway, that is so daunting and bothersome later in life that it really is something better gotten out of the way as early as possible in the manner that we would have done quite naturally otherwise.
If the idea here is to build up that familial-tribal unit then this methodology serves the purpose in the most optimal manner; the adults are freed up and enjoy their liberties, the younger adults (i.e. the teenagers) are preoccupied quite happily fulfilling their single greatest biological urges to have sex as much as they like, and the population figures begin to climb up at a rate of replacement which is far superior, e.g. a thirty year old parent of a fifteen year old only has five years before that fifteen year becomes a physically matured adult ready to contribute to the unit, whereas by contrast a thirty year old parent of a five year old has a great longer time to wait for physical maturity so that the distance between the two age groups becomes fragile and thin the further it is stretched with a concurrent loss of replacement manpower by a space of ten additional years.
There is something to be said for the older more experienced Father, of course, I remember quite well that the children I grew up with whose Fathers were in their forties and fifties and whose Mothers were in their twenties or very early thirties were quite better-off in their disposition and intelligence (whilst those with older Mothers tended to be sickly in one way or another); simply put though I think it is more to do with the experience of age as the influencing factor than anything else and a functional familial-tribal unit would have this influence in far greater capacity.
If we add to this factor the notion of polygamy (something shunned as ‘pagan’ by the Abramic religions yet advocated for in their own holy books, indeed: it was the universal norm) then we find the whole circle being completed in that young teenagers do as they please with each other, becoming familiar with relationship and their sexuality, and then when they reach a more mature age they might marry each other or other people properly so as to begin families of their own; but that by that age they may well have produced several children already via multiple partners so that the actual ‘legitimate children’ (in the sense of inheriting land and titles) of a more formal marriage is superfluous to population replacement insofar as the tribe is concerned, as: they have already increased the headcount quite massively by comparison. It is worth mentioning here the legal problems of land inheritance and the seeming inability for people to ever work this all out amongst themselves as being one of the most desirable points of the introduction of some of the Abramic religions, when they first appeared, as rules were laid out of who could inherit (some rules more effective than others, some quite ruinous in fact) which provided a framework in perpetuity (but on the other hand, with all children being considered legitimate in some instances, i.e. the children of concubines, this produced the problem of “all children” being in competition for the single title or, in turn, a vast spread of land, i.e. a Kingdom, being broken apart “to make it all fair”: this did not differ in form from, say, Imperial China to the late Ottoman court whilst the European Monarchies to their credit, somewhat, temporarily solved the matter by the allocation of specific titles to be given to the first born, second born, third born, etc., and then bouncing back to the Monarch upon the death of that Duke to be allocated again – although some would say this is a feeble manner by which to govern large polities it differs not very much from the essential ‘oversight’ duties over local governments as practiced in the Roman Principate rather than direct-governorship over those provinces themselves).
The tribal influence in real terms upon children cannot be understated in its superior effects upon the character and long-term capacity of the children themselves (when compared to others); I have some experience in my own up-bringing with this and really the outcome (again: compared to the infantilism, i.e. arrested development, you will almost always find in the nuclear family type, which we might easily compare to factory farmed within four walls and a hen-pecking parental authority vs. free range) is a quite more matured and capable disposition (call it “street smarts” if you like; they follow what actually works rather than what is ‘pretended to them’ to work, which is typically nothing more than the parents own whimsical desires of the moment) amongst all the children when they are simply freed up from the poor influence of an unfit parent even without the good influence of a more fit parent of which, then, the fit parent itself could be determined to be largely superfluous, as: of their own accord they learn amongst themselves and become naturally fortified against being instructed into error by a witless or ill-inclined adult, whereas a child stuck under the thumb of a witless ‘parent’ has no means to disobey that witless parent without facing severe punishments and so there the child is sculpted into a helpless fool, later embittered in life and at the tender mercy of their peers, as: even as they might innately know-better (than to do the foolish thing their parent demands they do) they are forced nevertheless, either physically punished or emotionally coerced, into adopting the ‘silly walk’ and ‘dress’ of the witless parent, which is to say: they are forced into conforming toward the cultural idealism determined by the parent with no thought whatsoever for the practicalities of life, e.g. the matter of “how will my child earn a living” is addressed neither by parenting nor by schools thus begrudgingly selling themselves auction block of the labour market turns out to be the only method, whether they were deluded into thinking that their aspirations to be a professional athlete or an astronaut were entertained and encouraged for them at the expense of informing them about any other means of paying the rent or not.
I should say here that when I say “familial-tribal unit” I am broadly referring to any number of groupings, in whatsoever local forms they may take shape, but that the decisive factor, most chiefly, will be a large extended family network of which, if it ever needed to pool its resource together, would constitute a decent size force in land, resource production and manpower – but chiefly it is the possession of land which enables everything else:
More ideally, to my mind, it would resemble (or be very close in composition to) that Roman ‘Familia’ (the origin of the word ‘Family’ in our English) where a fairly large blood family of at least five generations inhabited in and around the same House or group of Houses (see: Palace, Villa and Manor Economy), with servants and adoptees and associates (business partners) likewise being considered as extended kin; altogether forming, as it were, a little nationality. In the sense of ‘Nationality’ it is, it ought be said, more a return to how we actually were prior to the ‘naming conventions’ of the 1700’s or so where the stupid surnames made up on the spot of many Europeans were forced into Law over what would have originally been clan and tribal identities and from which there came that fake sense of disparate ‘Nationality’ (i.e. cut off from tribe and forced into atomization; identity through a very small family unit alone) from which the misnomer of ‘Race’ would be made-up to lend credibility to. In many ways a great deal of the urbane ‘neurosis’, let’s call it, stems really from this absence of ‘true tribe’ with it having been eradicated either by the fecklessness of urban societies; societies of strangers and thieves, and also more directly via those religions which pretend to fill the void of ‘true tribe’ with their witless rituals and effete pretences – things which are a wet-blanket over true fellowship wrought in such a manner as comes in all reality perfectly naturally the moment the screws holding foolishness in place are undone and cast away – and really here, when we stack these observations together one upon the other, we are really speaking of a sound and strong society certainly immune to the shallow perversity created by denialism toward the basic mechanics of the human body – in addition to any other considerations which follow from that.

THE OVERALL INFLUENCE (OR LACK THEREOF) OF A TRIBAL-FAMILIAL UNIT

It must be considered quite seriously by the reader as to the overall influence, or lack thereof, of a tribal-familial unit as to what fills its place in the education of people otherwise and, as I began this text by considering for myself, how much of the ‘dysfunctionality’ can be attributed to the “lack thereof”.
Along with the cultural instance on sexual immaturity as to produce the consequence of delaying and drawing out for decades a fetish of normal sexuality which ought naturally be done with by a person after reaching the age, say, of maybe seventeen, there is the greater point which I am trying to relay here in this text of how many other aspects of ‘bad culture’ are singularly anchored to and thusly totally dependent upon that sexual immaturity – that is: we would be hard-pressed to imagine how really many of the pernicious scenarios in our contemporary society would even arise if that foundation stone of ‘sexual immaturity’ were removed from the equation:
For instance, how much of a ‘relationship’ is spent and sculpted (either by the Man or the Woman or both) on jealously and worry of the other ending the relationship for having found another person or another means to fulfil their sexual gratification? If a ‘relationship’ is based upon, let’s call this, “mutual masturbation” then at the heart of that is sexual immaturity of the mental age of maybe fourteen years whereupon a person has been sort of coaxed into dependency for orgasm on a third party; they are fraught and fearful that this should be taken away from them – it being so vital as like a mechanical necessity for either sex – that the entire content of their ‘relationship’ revolves around it; seeking it, coaxing it, demanding it, guarding it from be lost, and so on, of which I think it is not exaggeration to say that such concerns constitute 100% of the verbal interaction in such a ‘couple’; either outright or in the back of the mind so as to reinterpret all scenarios and verbal expressions as being related to that end-goal of maintaining the “mutual masturbation”.
Simply put this ‘relationship’, then, revolves around twenty minutes of sexual activity in a day – if that much (or even if every day), yet dominates the entirety of the mind; that is: the entirety of the ‘relationship’, when this action itself is something that a servant or a slave or a prostitute would be used for in many societies, with the ‘content’ of the marriage, say, being concerned more with running the business of a Household or concerned with procreation to produce legitimate children to inherit the business, the title, the land, whatever. My point here is that neither Man nor Woman are elevated or their dignity improved, somehow, by this absence of sexual maturity but rather that both are reduced; i.e. greatly lowered, to the cognitive and social standing of the “servant, slave, prostitute,” in that as far as they think of and conceptualize themselves as part of a Household at all it is singularly the concern with simple sexual acts which dominate their interpersonal interactions and their ideas about their own self; it is their ‘social currency’.
If this seems alien – I mean my observation on this – consider how much neurosis goes on in the daily grooming rituals of Women or those sad excuses for Men who “lift weights but cannot fight” (not to mention the ease at which a thin muscular physique bleeds out at the slightest of puncture wounds, see: Roman Gladiator training), i.e. whose only concern is that of admiring their own bodies in a mirror, this being intellectually identical to young Women. Is this not the mentally of a slave? If so, even if we shy away from saying it plainly, then we must ask “what forms the mentality of a slave (i.e. where does it come from)” – in the above equation a slave in a Household is more like an object fulfilling a function than He or She is a person with any autonomy (well, obviously there is no autonomy for a slave) so it is almost to be expected that in such an environment that the intellectual trajectory of an object-person goes away from externalities and becomes entirely absorbed with self-presentation and equates their social status from that, and if groups of such persons will set this to be the common culture; deriving status in that manner among themselves – although still these are slaves possessing no ‘status’ to speak of, as being object-people. This is evidenced also in victims of sexual abuse or those, in general, suffering at the hands of third parties whose autonomy is in some way or another restricted; that their singular focus becomes that of sexuality as like depression is “rage turned inward”, thus too it seems for sexual infantilism.
I cannot pass up this subject without mentioning a series of interviews describing, a thing quite novel to me, the notion of American Christian ‘Purity Culture’ from the point of view of those heavily indoctrinated into that; instilled with Catholic levels of guilt over the normal function of the body, who have then left their small churches or megachurches, or whatever, and spoken plainly about the mentality of those inside of it as relating to sexuality. It is a thing I think long suspected but seldom expressed that, as it was described, the mentality of such persons is that they are “horny all the time” due to the relentless guilt inculcated into them; that due to denialism of sexuality their ordinary sexual impulses are magnified to an incredible degree and that, consequentially, their entire being is animated by repressed sexuality so that their thoughts are ‘impure’ all the time whilst verbally they express strong denialism and shame over the thing. I think this is no real difference to any such religious malinstruction; be it Muslim, Jewish or Christian, in that the perpetual infantilism of their surrounding society stems first of all from their own bedrock religious culture (i.e. whatever religion which is at odds with the human body, etc.) were due to such ‘culture’ they never really get over, say, an early adolescent view of sexuality where they are driven entirely by it and never learn to overcome it, no pun intended, but utterly unrealized – which would take them leaving their religion – is that this process demonstrably brings out the absolute worst in their character and disposition with the process itself being the promulgation ‘of’ those very “Viceful thoughts ” that they claim to be “at War with in the world”, in other words: it is just they themselves who, for example, look at a young teenage girl (or god help us, a small boy) and thinks all manner of sexual rapacity – and that this animates them politically to campaign for restrictive legislation to be put into Law to police “all society” as if “all society” existed at their low level is an incredible thing to consider. But I do not think their broader societies are any exception to this, rather point here is that their broader societies are comprised of persons exactly like them; that the Christian or the Jew driven by a lifetimes shaming over their normal sexuality adopt, in turn, the most depraved expressions ‘of’ sexuality as a self-affirmation; that is: the extreme self-identification with a simple sexual action, for example, came to literally define a persons personality in such places to the point that (Americans anyway) seriously put out the notion during the late 1990’s and 2000’s that a fleeting sexual act 1) defines a persons entire character, and 2) it is also inborn, e.g. as like to say that whether you prefer this or that on the menu at a restaurant is something determined genetically; this is utterly stupid and utterly, in my opinion, a consequence of society which has not wanted to evolve beyond the ‘sexual immaturity’ of which physiologically seems to occupy a very small window of the middle to late teens and of which repression during those ages quite demonstrably creates madness and retardation – I mean that if their culture did not peripherally do this to them then the manner by which swathes of their cultural-historical institutions do this to them ‘outright’ by inculcation into this process in particular certainly does it to them, and merely it is the unwillingness to fully condemn these Religions and relegate these influences to the dustbin which keeps the entire thing ticking along with “just enough” of the population bent out of shape by it to present those same persons, seemingly confused as to where they came from, lumbering through the broader society and serving as examples of lunacy and degeneracy.
In short - and I may as well add this here also, the aim to abstain for a while from sexuality was a custom introduced by the Ancient Romans and was designed to heighten sexual pleasure; in effect, then, foreign barbarians coming to this culture much later on with nobody to really explain it to them ended up unwittingly engaging in what they would probably have recognized as ‘sex magic’ whereupon the denial of their own mechanical sexual function was ‘abstained’ by them; i.e. they saw the value in holding off on doing drugs or having sex for a while, – but they did not understand what the effect or the outcome of that was ‘intended’ to be in that one would abstain specifically ‘to’ heighten the senses toward that pleasure; and this is evidenced chiefly in the Lunar Orgies and the Fast/s of Ceres. Interestingly, Jesus himself in (i think the Gospel of Thomas?) mentions to his followers that “they will hate him for what he says now,” and that he says that “fasting brings out all the worst in them” – in other words, engaging in periodic abstinence will turn them all horny. Knowing this from a relatively early age it was no surprise to me at all why celibate priests ended up diddling children or member of their own congregation or why the most outwardly pious zealots proved to be the most morally weak people to be found as even with the most ‘clean’ example, let’s say, of a person who has never drank wine, for example, they have not ‘overcome’ that thing but have rather avoided ever experiencing that thing so that it will always be a novel temptation to them of which they will have no understanding of and which they can be leveraged by in various ways primarily due to their ignorance of which ‘experience itself’ would otherwise render them far more fortified against:
A good example here is the ‘pot scare’ of the early 1930’s in America when it was seriously believed by a wholly ignorant chunk of the urbane voting public that smoking cannabis (and drinking alcohol, for that matter) would turn a person into a serial killer, this is totally bizarre to us now, but notice that this was the same society whose moral standard was that “a table leg” should not be uncovered because it reminded them of a Womans bare leg – although here we might better understand why they were so preoccupied by thoughts like that (I think very seriously in their heightened state of perpetual arousal any little thing would send them to buggery of a farmyard creature)! Hilarious. But – notice also that this was the same society which was engaging in some of the most casually egregious inhumane criminality that history had ever seen, as if they ‘were’ high on narcotics and their rational senses dulled; I do not mean here to bring American notions of ‘Race’ into this as to be seen to ‘condemn Black Slavery’ in the fashion of my own day (although we mentioned family-tribe as a better form of so-called nationality earlier) but the ghastly images of actual Country Fairs where smiling families with children by their knees would pose for crude photographs with the charcoaled or bloated rotting carcass of a burned or lynched Man is beyond my ability to play-down or normalize. I mean here to say, that: far from the pretense of ‘clean mindedness’ of such persons about themselves that we find these same persons are the filthiest and most depraved characters around, being those few persons who walk amongst us who are actually capable of doing those inhumane things (again, see: Banality of Evil) as would be unthinkable to a person of normal rational healthy conscience. We might connect this, also, to the historical BDSM extravaganzas which took place in the Christian monasteries and public squares for many centuries where young Women were sexually tortured by celibate clergymen as to recognize how deep and quick a plunge it is from a person or their culture going from the denial of normal healthy sexuality into the kettled and sadistic gore fetish of outright murder.
It is always worth reminding the reader who wishes to minimize these more egregious aspects of the subject (as rape is still rampant among the clergy); which are consequential of sexual immaturity, that it was not ‘reason and rationality’ per se that stamped this out from European society but soldiers kicking in the doors of such Churches, Town Halls and Houses with muskets, rifles, long knives and grape-shot and physically eradicating the perpetrators and their willing congregations from America and France for the practice itself of sexually torturing a Woman and then burning the evidence on the fake pretexts of obviously made-up accusations of “she turned me into a frog” to actually be ended. That is to say that the ‘mentality’ and ‘culture’ which provided the framework for such inhumane activities was never formally realized or educated-out of a people, so to find it lingers along into contemporary times; animating the otherwise dormant farmyard animal-like character of such persons “like powers of evil”, is not surprising to me in the least. What was more surprising to me is that as so much of these religions are so obviously outright ‘evil’ that more persons do not speak of the intricacies of the things in such necessary detail these more ‘egregious’ cases would qualify, and then to spool back to discover the cause of every evil action in the mentality of every perpetrator – generally speaking, for instance, it will be a character with a disposition of infantilism and perhaps this is more easy to understand without needing to connect it to sexual immaturity though, to my mind, these are not distinct enough to warrant any separation; as: infantilism is always going to be immaturity and immaturity is always going to run concurrent with a lack of adult intellectual development where a mature and experienced view of a thing, sexuality in this case, has likely been within the powers of a person to have gleaned naturally through experiences – in which case there would be no argument with anything I say here, or of which such experiences have been prevented by external powers from being gleaned by the person in question; in which case they remain ‘as if’ they were fourteen years old with the allure of mysterious unknown sex acts utterly dominating their consciousness at all times and yet physically being thirty, forty, fifty years old – well past the age (certainly physiologically) where they should have gotten it all out of their system but of which they have not, chiefly because their experiences have been rather dull and monotone and so much social currency has been valued by it ‘being’ dull and monotone, e.g. monogamy, legal repercussions binding two people in place, the atomized kettling nature of the disconnected nuclear family unit, living amongst strangers in large cities where it not so simple as just going topless to change the local culture, control through the selective denial of the sex act itself (as William Reich and Esther Vilar both write on), the sexualisation of young people by adults, the accidental ‘perversity’ (in the real meaning of the word) of unfulfilled (or poorly fulfilled, or repressed altogether) sexuality and its effects on the brain and society, and so on and so on.
I am always inclined to think when considering this subject, and I may as well end this text in conclusion with this recurrent thought of mine, that ‘sexual perversion’ really begins in the mind of ourselves as young teenagers when the normal human body is leeringly presented to us as being something ‘illicit’, e.g. the breasts of Women are concealed in our society and so due to ‘hiding them away’ they become objects of mystery and fetish which they otherwise are not. I do not think this is deliberate reverse psychology (as god help us few enough people even understand the concept to understand what they do inadvertently) but it produces the same consequence of reverse psychology, whereupon quite arbitrarily a certain piece of the body, say, an ankle, is all of a sudden declared by a mad Adult to be “evil, sinful, lustful, of the devil,” when no such notion existed in the minds of people otherwise, as then: their natural curiosity is piqued by this imposition and so they develop a perversion dervied in chief part – as a sense of lewd pleasure – from bucking the arbitrary nonsensical imposition forced upon them by that dictate of which such a scenario never would have had cause to occur if not for that imposition having created it. I feel that this ‘perversion’ (again, in the real meaning of that word) stands in the way of a fully realized and fully pursued sense of actual sexuality and, from it, of a more resonant concordance between Men and Women whose interactions are otherwise thrown off balance by such impositions as they are dragged back down to sexual immaturity all the time; or into fear and jealously etc., as like a dozen avenues are presented in any conversation and virtually of them are strewn with piss, vomit and polyfoam which had no reason to be put there in the first place, or more accurately: it was put there through the carelessness of an atomized and witless peoples who knew no better than to do this to themselves but of which a familial-tribal unit would have drummed out of them quick sharp if for the actuality of nothing else than “we are all in this together” being something that is tangibly true and not merely shallow political rhetoric when it is said of a tribe vs. when it is said of a state polity comprised of countless strangers.

MAIORES. IV, CAL. IUNI. FORTUNA PRIMIGENIA.

I went to sleep pissed off and woke up pissed off.
Fuck you, Geoff. Like, for real. Fuck you.
"People keep asking about Kingdom Hearts, but I don't know why..." Fuck you, liar. As if you didn't know what you were doing with your tweets and your messages to Nomura.
"People are setting themselves up for failure. But keep hoping." Keep hoping? You piece of shit...
His answer makes no fucking sense. It just doesn't.
Why would you say that, and say it like that, before your event where so many fans were going to watch it just on the off chance that KH4 would show up, and that if it didn't, nothing would happen. Now you have a lot of pissed off people who are not going to see the event instead.
“No, but Geoff does it so people don't have high expectations.” Is Geoff doing the event for charity now or what? I don't think the partners/advertisers are very happy that he has lost a large number of viewers because of that comment. The only way I see them winning these people back is if they confirm that Square or KH will be at the event.
The clip is very weird, and yesterday when I saw it live it seemed even weirder. The way he expresses himself is very out of tune with the rest of the Q&A, but watching the clip you can feel it too. With how little time the clip lasts, his face gets very red by the end and he keeps touching his face.
Some say it's because he's lying. But I don't think it's because KH4 is going to be at the SGF, but because he knows the reason for the people's expectations, but plays dumb.
The worst thing is that from what he said it does not confirm that KH will not be there. Because when asked about other games the answer was clear and concise, as with GTA 6 or MGS Delta. And no red face, no touches.
So let me share with you another possibility.
KH4 may not be there, that's why “People are setting themselves up for failure”. But maybe they show a trailer for the Steam releases, ML or even another title as happened with 2.8, and that's why the "But keep hoping".
But honestly, the worst part of it all is the community. I don't care that KH4 is not at the event. The game is still being developed so when it's ready for release, it will be released. I'm tired of the “I told you so”, the pessimists, the opportunists, the “it was obvious”, the “the game will be out in +2026”, the “there won't be a trailer until next year”, the “get a life apart from KH”.
People are very emotional, changing their minds very easily, but the “rational” ones make fun of those, when we are all supposed to be on the same side. It is very easy to be “realistic” and always say that it will not be announced and that it will come out next year, with each passing year. That way you always win. If it doesn't come out, you win, and if it comes out, you win too.
Why do some people get so upset that others are looking forward to a possible announcement? “It's because then they get disappointed.” And why the fuck do you care? Just because you are not able to accept that sometimes expectations are not met, does not mean that there are not other people who are capable of moving on.
The truly realistic view is to see that KH3 took five and a half years to develop, with a year and a half lost because of the engine change, and that the team spent many months learning UE4 because no one had any idea and had to learn from scratch. That KH4 is using UE5 and by the time it is released, it would have taken at least five years. That in the 2021 Nvidia leak, the release date was set for September 2023, so we know what date they were internally aiming for. That the release of the games on Steam and the ML preregistration is happening during this announcements period, where last year they re-revealed Ever Crisis and Rebirth, with only six months' notice. That Rebirth has already been released, and Square doesn't have any other major announced IPs besides DQ12, which is even more absent.
There's no mention of speculation or theories, just facts. It just makes sense to be re-revealed now. Why can't we be excited?
Maybe the reason for the "delay" is as simple as wanting to do a simultaneous launch on all platforms, and developing the ports takes time. Besides, the Switch 2 hasn't even been released yet.
I don't know if anyone has read all of this; in the end, I just used Geoff's thing to vent a bit 😅
But I just want to say thanks to those who have common sense and are still excited about Kingdom Hearts. Missing Link is imminent, so I hope to share every revelation and plot twist with you all.
I trust that our day will come sooner rather than later 💙🔑

Firstly, let's agree on how got SP these many votes, his 1L khatakat policy from that clown. Karnataka offered free electricity and it was a complete scam, you don't need me to tell you what UP will do.
And, it's a democracy, people are allowed to vote for who they want. What you do not realize, is the consequences of your vote, out of greed for 1L, will fall directly on your mother, daughters, sisters and wife. You don't need me to tell you how the situation was under SP.
I agree with all of you, BJP was stupid af with mp selections and speeches in UP. People in ayodhya did face problems because of the temple and it wasn't done correctly.
That being said, the hate developed across the nation is because, if you look at other areas, eg hyd constituency, you had someone like Madhaviji fighting for women's rights (tripple talaq in particular), exposing Owaisi's corruption and goons, showing them how much money hyd is getting and why it isn't developed, she did everything she could to appeal to the people, she told the Muslim women how she would use the money to make schemes to help them.
The people there are predominantly Muslim and the area (old hyd) is probably one of the worst and filthiest areas I've seen, I only went there to try to biriyani but I didn't eat looking at the place. Despite all this, the Muslim women of hyd constituency voted for a guy advocating for triple talaq, and other draconian laws affecting women only because of religion.
Now the situation in UP is bad, but not as bad as the hyd constituency. And that's not the only constituency, pick up any Muslim majority area and you'll see the same thing. UP on the other hand voted for the 1L a year promise, completely forgetting the extreme hinduphobic acts of SP (you don't need me to tell you about these, they are endless).
I am not justifying the hate UP is getting because of falling for the bribe and voting for SP. I'm just showing you the contrast people are seeing between the Hindu and Muslim community that people are seeing.

Research indicated that it was nearly unimaginable for it to exist. We had looked at the approximate location through satellite images and saw nothing unusual. I knew that it was probably a hoax, I was certain it would be because the precise conditions for a temperate microclimate in the Arctic were unheard of and theoretically impossible.
Yet Reginald Iris had insisted that he had obtained the specimen from the end of his explorations. He had never lied to me and only on his deathbed did he reveal his secret. He had named it Valley of the Dire Wolf because there was fauna there that was left over from the last ice age, which was also theoretically impossible.
I didn't want to believe it, but I did. That is why I privately funded my own expedition. I looked on maps and pictures from satellites and saw nothing to prove it existed or that it even could exist. Yet in the vast unexplored wilderness of polar deserts, there were places even on the coast that nobody had ever set foot upon. Except Reginald, he had visited.
He had warned me: "It isn't a place where people belong. It belongs to them, it is their world, not ours. A world hidden from our own. Only death."
I put a lot of faith into scientific discovery and absolute devotion to what is known to science. The images should show something, yet the closest look I had showed only rocky and frozen tundra and clouds of white mist obscuring most of the valley. It was the temperature readings that intrigued me. Those indicated that it remained somewhere in the upper forties and lower fifties all year round.
I consulted some colleagues who could share their expertise and each of them stated independently that it was possible that the valley had maintained that temperature for any amount of time, even tens of thousands of years. While it seemed nearly impossible for Reginald's story to be true, there was a possibility, within the nearly impossible.
That is how I ended up on my own exploratory expedition, kept private and personally funded. I cannot tell where we went or offer any evidence, because what we found was not meant for human trespassers. We found out while we were there, that it was a sacred place, and to violate its sanctity is to be cursed. Reginald was right: 'only death'.
On our first day we entered the valley and found it was a sustained biome that had living creatures. It was truly a miracle, to find plants and animals. Resilient ferns, elderly pines and archaic junipers, raspberries and pines dotted the landscape sparsely. We found hares and voles and a new species of furry armadillos. The fascinating discovery was to be documented and shared with the whole world.
On the second day, we encountered two of the surviving megafauna, their populations sustained by the balance of plants and animals. Such a balance had existed for a very long time, keeping those creatures as living artifacts for the depths of time, older than human history. Herds of Elasmotherium and a smaller version of Megaloceros peacefully grazed, seemingly unaware of our intrusion into their corner of the world.
"These creatures have existed like this since the end of the last ice age, isolated and untouched. This valley has somehow remained like this, a perfect balance that has kept them this way all this time." One of my team members said.
There was much discussion and wonder and we took many pictures and samples of bones and fur and anything else we could find. It was to be the discovery of a lifetime. I wrote about the entire experience in a journal, and it was all I kept. I alone and my journal were all that remained, in the end.
We found numerous hot springs that were as ancient as the valley, and had billowed up heat and clouds, obscuring the valley from the modern eyesight from orbit. We could see the heat, but none of the details. The details we discovered on foot were of a lost world, a world of wonders. Our wonder did not last, as we ventured too far into the valley.
Terror and dread soon plagued us. I tried to lead my team to safety, after our first encounter with the guardians of the secret valley. They were intelligent, and at first, they only stalked us and surrounded us, howling in the night and preventing our escape. They had evolved over many thousands of years and learned to conserve and maintain, to cull and to protect. My deepest fear of them grew from the realization that they recognized us and would not let us leave. They spoke to each other in complex barking words, and we heard them talking.
"The dire wolves have killed Kenneth." I realized, when we could not find him. The creatures had tested us again and again, preventing us from backtracking out of the valley, toying with us, showing themselves and then hiding from us. They had learned all of our strengths and weaknesses, had picked out a member of our herd and taken him. With self-preservation and trepidation, we abandoned our search for Kenneth, and tried to hike out.
Before we could make our escape, they were there, a pack of seven, the descendants of a species as old as mankind, and just as clever. Intelligence had served them well; they were the shepherds and the masters of the valley. It was their ancestral home, kept secret by nature and kept sacred by them. The dire wolves knew we were vulnerable, and they attacked.
I panicked and abandoned my team. My heart was beating and my blood raced, as I scrambled up some rocks. Below me I heard the terrified and pained cries of my team and the angry barking of the dire wolves. Soon the massacre was over and when I looked, I saw neither man nor beast remained.
All of our scientific equipment, supplies and camping gear were all that was left of them. I trembled, the nightmare of my escape had just begun. There was blood amid the scattered belongings, but the dire wolves had taken the bodies somewhere else. They did not feed where the herds grazed. There were seven wolves and they had each carried away one team member. If they had counted us correctly, or if their pack membership were equal to the team roster, I would have died also.
That is what I thought, in horror, of the dire wolves. Their dark bristly fur and massive hunch and oddly shaped wolflike body haunts my nightmares. When I began to creep through the last part of the valley's entrance, back to the polar deserts beyond, I was alone. I was never more vulnerable, and although I believed they would attack me and finish us all off, killing me last, they never did.
My journey through the valley alone was fraught with daylight nightmares. I jumped at every shadow, felt like I could be pounced on from behind every bush. I heard their distant howls and sometimes their howls were nearby. They were following me, waiting to take me last. My terror at knowing that death at their vicious teeth could come at any moment and the horror of knowing my team was already dead, was like a spinning madness, making me laugh strangely as I hiked.
It was dark as I reached the base camp. Our tents stood as a reminder of all those who I had left behind. The howls of the dire wolves made me turn and peer back into the shaded valley, beneath eternal white clouds of steam from the geysers and hot springs. I could see their eyes, watching me go. It was then that I realized they had chosen to let me leave. They could have easily hunted me and killed me, and I wouldn't have stood a chance.
For their own reasons, they had allowed me to escape. I do not know why, but the thought of their deliberation still terrifies me. Such creatures with a magnitude of intelligence that they might make a choice of who lives and dies, and that they exercise their power over life and death and demonstrated it with my survival, is all the more dreadful.
I do not pretend to know their thoughts, but I do recognize that they think and communicate among themselves. The dire wolves have learned to keep a language, to keep a tradition, and to prove it, forcing me to witness them and to know them, in their sentience. Mere animals would have finished the job, but not the dire wolves. They have kept their ways sacred and storied for countless generations, taking only what they need to take, killing only what they need to kill. Letting me go was a choice they made, following the path of their minds, as they watch their herds, cultivating them, like cattle.
When they had eliminated the intrusion, they sent me home, as a messenger. Somehow, they concluded I would keep the secret of their home's location and deliver only a warning. The Valley of the Dire Wolf belongs to them, and we are not meant to be there. There is no place for humans, among the talking beasts, and it is a sin for us to seek them out. There is nothing there for us, it all belongs to them.
The only thing for us in their home; only death.

Hi dear people. My younger brother (Sam) verbally attacked me so that all his words linger. He also connected this to the loss of my cat. So it is lingering even more. Do you have advice?
He was inconsiderate when I lost my cat in january after very difficult week at the vets. And the cats death was even more difficult because putting him to sleep did not go well. Understatement. I needed to go to a hospital after the cat died because I got panick attack that felt like heart attack at the time.
My brother knew this and two days after my cat died he calls me. First telling he was sorry my cat died, I was surprised because Im not use to that kind of support from him recently (after i decided to distance myself from our other brother (Mike), and Sam feels Im a bad person because of that).
But then he asks me to babysit his mother in law’s cat, a senior, sick cat that needs alot of looking after. I kind of got numb and felt the panick attack symtoms coming a bit again. I get very panicked in my body and call my parents that are babysitting their children and ask if they cant jump next door regularly and feed the cat. They say that they thought that was the plan. I text Sam and tell him i cant and tell him my parents dont have no problem doing it.
I get another panick attack at home and I then fall asleep and wake up in the night. And send him a voicemessage. Im upset because I feel he has no concerns for my feelings, and tell him it felt like if someone lost a baby and they were asked to babysit. I also bring up that he has been acting like he doesnt care at all, and been acting very cold towards me. The message is not accusing him. It is more vulnerable and in a hurt tone. I say that I dont feel he wants to hurt me, but feels like he doesnt care about my feelings and that hurts. He has been pulling stuff before that I related to that. Like saying in a family gathering that mold allergy is just bullshit, when he knows I lost all my furnature and health for some time because of mold. Feels like he has been trying to hurt me like that after I decided to distance myself from Mike that I have good reasons for. I do talk to Mike and have been nice when we meet, but I told Sam that I would take a distance from Mike with out him realizing it too much. Sam got furious and about him being the only one to know it, because they are best friends. I told him that nothing will change because Mike doesnt have so much interest in me anyway, and that I told him so he would understand when i didnt come to family gatherings. But I do feel Sam has told everybody, but anyway. I am super connected to his kids and have babysat them so many times. But after this ther were not meetings and no babysitting. Ihave been asking for well over a year what is the matter and if we can fix things. If he tells me what is wrong so I can fix it. But he just says everything is fine.
Then january comes with this call after the cat dies. And my voice message that he answers very dimissively and saying that comparing my cat to a child is absurd. He answers that we can talk about this when Im better ( in my mother tongue he says it with a wording like Im mentally ill but not just griefing and in trauma)
Time passes that Im just in my life trying to get better. Maybe one or two months. Then I call his wife and just ask her if something is the matter, I havent seen them or the kids for more than a year even though i often invite them. I tell her Im always asking my brother and if I can make it better and he just always dismisses it and saying everything is fine. She gets agitated and very deffensive. I make sure to keep calm. She blurts out alot of things, Im just happy to get answers so I let her rant thinking it will be healing for the relationship. I dont understand the amount of anger or the reason for that, the reason that are given for cutting the ties are very small, some text message I sent with hearts. But I dont tell her that. I just recieve the anger in the hope it will heal the relationship. And hope the real reason will come forward. But she is screaming, saying i was a dramaqueen after my cat died and that hurt my brother. This anger and blameshift relating it to my cat horrible death is what is one of the things still lingering.
Then I talk to my brother. Tell him his wife told me. He is super agressive and angry. I suggest if he would want us to meet with a third party, a therapist, to heal our relationship. He doesnt want to talk about that. Screams at me for being so emotionaland sensitive. I just say that that is how I am and that I hadjust lost my cat. He was the one calling me and being insensitive. I didnt even reach out to him for help and support. But the only thing that comes from him is namecalling, and what he said still lingers with me. Rationally I can say that what he said is not true and is soemthing I have never been told. But it lingers in my mind anyway. I was just loving and calm, because I wanted him to get the chance to rant if it would heal us. So I feel it hurt me even more because I was letting myself be vulnerable for them to see that it was a safe talk. I kind of just let them beat me with words. But answering though when I thought they were not being fair or right.
I told them. Its been more than a year of no contact. I have been asking and asking and no answers. That I was glad i got some answers finally. But I told them that if there is still no contact in september it will be inevitable for me thinking that the connection is over, that I have to let them all go, the kids as well.
They felt this was manipulative. But I told them it was not an ultimatum. Not me saying that there would be no contact from me. I would talk when meeting, be nice and civil. Just that the uncertainty for my heart was destoying me, their constant silence. And the kids I am so close to. And just that in september I will have to tell y heart to let go and start to heal and accept. That this is the time I will let my heart wait. This was in the beginning of april.
He said he would not be manipulated. He got super angry and agressive. Called me the worst things possible. Trying to hurt me. Then said that this was convincing him to cut all contact with me. I was not allowed to contact him or the kids. This call, the words and cutting me out is what lingers with me i my head. I think maybe because it is being a trauma.
2 weeks later my parents contact me. Tell me Sam has a brain tumor. I contact Sam. Tell him these news make it to hard for me not to say anything. I tell him I understand that I am not the person he needs around him at this difficult time. But that I love him, send him good vibes and that if they need any help I am there.
His wife opens a chat with her, our parents and all of us siblings. She updates us there. The surgery went good and now he is recovering. But then came the children birthdays and I was not invited. And I have been respecting his boundary to not contact.
I told them that I would keep what i said about september no matter what was said in that talk, if he changes his mind. But he is crazy stubborn and never apoligizes. So maybe this is it. I have lost him and the contact with his boys.
Do you have advices, insight because of your own stories, or some reflection of this? I accept if he wants to break contact. I am distancing from my whole family because I have a covert narc mom. But I just need help healing from this because it is lingering so much and giving me depression episodes of feeling numb. Maybe its just because this is some kind of trauma. The loss and what I feel it being verbal abuse.

It was an average Tuesday at the office when I got called into a meeting with my team. We were tasked with a high-stress project that required all hands on deck. The team was diverse, a mixed bag of talents and personalities. There was Rob the creative genius, Sarah the analytical whiz, Tom the strategic planner, Emily the meticulous perfectionist and then there was me, the jack of all trades who was supposed to bring them all together.
From the start, it was clear we had a problem. Each one of them was brilliant in their own sphere, but they found it hard to see past their own perspectives and acknowledge the value of others'. Rob and Sarah had a particularly tough time. Rob's big-picture thinking often clashed with Sarah's detail-oriented approach. He called her "nitpicky"; she labeled him "overambitious".
Then it dawned upon me- cognitive bias. The tendency to think in certain ways that lead to systematic deviations from logic was rearing its ugly head in our teamwork - or lack thereof. The most prominent one being the “Fundamental Attribution Error”: the tendency to over-emphasize personality-based explanations for behaviors observed in others while under-emphasizing the role and power of situational influences.
I proposed a "Bias-Busting" session where we tackled these biases head on. I introduced the team to the concept of cognitive biases and demonstrated how they were affecting our teamwork. I shared examples of common biases like “Confirmation Bias” and “Halo Effect”.
Sarah quickly realized that she had a confirmation bias towards Rob's ideas. Assuming his ideas to be impractical, she would search for details that confirmed her notion, disregarding any that suggested otherwise. Similarly, Rob realized he was under the halo effect, associating Sarah's attention to detail with nitpicking.
Our "Bias-Busting" session led to an open discussion where everyone got a chance to speak their piece and understand where others were coming from. It created a space for us to forgive and understand each other's biases. It wasn’t a smooth sail from there on, but we certainly learned to pause, introspect, and question our assumptions before reacting.
From then on, the team's dynamic changed. We became more accepting of each other's viewpoints, leading to richer discussions, innovative solutions, and most importantly, a sense of unity.
Moral of the story? Recognizing cognitive biases and actively working to overcome them can work wonders in improving teamwork. Don't let your brain's automatic, judgmental tendencies hijack your team dynamics!
P.S. Although this story is a work of fiction, 'brain biases' are not. They're just as real as Rob's overambitious ideas and Sarah's love for details! So, the next time you find yourself in a team tiff, remember this tale and check for biases first!

Hi fellow Ahri mains. How you deal with aggresive perma pushing Yasuo/Yone players? Im not high elo (gold II) and i seriously struggle against both of them. 90% of Yasuos or Yones just push you under tower and use Wind wall to your face (literally) so you cant even last hit and farm or Yone perma poking through E, so you have really low window to punish because you need to last hit instead. Both have no mana needs to manage, usually doran shield + Bone platting, so its really hard to win trades.
I know i should call for help, cuz perma pushing enemy is easy to gank, but usually no one cares as on my elo not much people understand punishing unaware players. Im not saying im good, more like mediocre player, but how could i be usefull in this situation? Only thing my team sees is that youre behind (obviously, cuz they just push and deny your farm as much as possible as mentioned above). Roaming isnt possible, cuz perma push and if i leave turret to base, i cant relly on anyone covering the turret (happens very rarely, but respect to those junglers or roamers rhat do that). I think im not alone in this as i saw both, especially Yas as one of worst Ahri matchups. What im supposed to do? How to deal with this? Have you any good experience or tips with dealing with it?

Hi, sorry if this turns out super long or anything. This is my first time posting. Please be nice.. So I have a sister who is extremely difficult to talk to normally because she constantly feels the need to be right about every single thing and absolutely refuses to admit she's wrong even if it's something you can literally just Google. Whenever she talks to me and I don't know something she treats me like I'm a complete idiot and rudely says "DUH" and "How do you not know that??" (Jeez i don't know, maybe because not everyone on the planet will know the same things).When I corrected her in the nicest way possible she got SUPER upset about it and said "I'm not going to argue with you about this" i wasn't arguing with her.
You want to know what the "argument" was? So the backstory is she recently started listening to the Sonic Frontiers soundtrack and she heard the song "Undefeatable" by Kellin Quinn and she was causally talking to me about it and said something like she knew his voice sounded familiar and she said "Kellin Quinn. Pierce the Veil" at the time I had no clue about that band or who that was so I decided to Google it and I saw an article saying that no he's not from Pierce the Veil but he and Victor Fuentes sound similar. And I was like "Oh"
So not too long later she mentioned it again and said Kellin Quinn was the lead singer of Pierce the veil and I was hesitant to speak up at first because I don't like confrontation and she's the type to just shut me down or silence me. So i just said "Kellin Quinn is actually the lead singer of sleeping with Sirens and the lead singer of Pierce the veil is Vic fuentes.. They just have similar voices" Of course I had the audacity to correct her and she did not like that. (Btw I'm starting to question myself please correct me if I'm wrong. Kellin Quinn is the lead singer of Sleeping with Sirens and only did one collab is that correct?) she claims to like Kellin Quinn so much but doesn't even know what band he's in and refuses to listen to his band because I corrected her.
Both bands have really good music so I guess her loss? It's actually kind of messed up that she refuses to acknowledge the real singer in pierce the veil and keeps crediting his work to someone else just because she's God or something and can never be wrong. After that one incident she absolutely refused to let it go so she'll keep poking at me every chance she gets. On the surface all of this might just sound like a non issue but it's so frustrating for me because I feel like there's a deeper issue with her and she's turning this into a big thing when she can just GOOGLE IT. This was weeks ago and she's still stuck on this!
Yesterday I was watching Acheeto (a YouTuber) talk about Dhar Mann and he made a joke about one of the actors looking like the lead singer of Pierce the Veil and my sister used this as an opportunity to poke at me and said "See even he said pierce the veil. Haha why does he look like Kellin Quinn" and honestly I just didn't respond because like I said this has been going on for weeks and I feel like she's being extremely immature over literally nothing. I don't want to have this conversation anymore. I'm honestly just waiting for her to say it in front of someone else and they make her feel stupid for holding onto wrong information because she just can't be wrong. This is not the first issue like this I've had with her and each time I don't know how to respond.
I don't like conflict so I just don't talk and try to ignore it. How do you deal with people like this? Any advice? And sorry if this all just seems dumb or if it's too long. If it's important at all she's 20 years old and I'm 24. I usually just don't talk to her because she'll get offended at almost anything or try to put me down. Having a conversation with her feels like walking on eggshells. The only thing I can really do is just hang on until August when I finally move out.

Hello all I was diagnosed with lyme disease last year around june and on medication for a month. I first felt symptoms in febraury with flu like Symptoms and the main issue I still face which is mental fog and a feeling of not always being in the driving seat of my own body. I would constantly throw up which I assume now is from the anxiety of feeling something wrong with my body but not knowing. I did blood test and an mri and even had an endoscopy because I was diagnosed with eoe as a kid. All these came back normal and I just went on feeling awful until we tested for lyme in June. I do not know how long I had lyme but was given treatment for a month and it seemed to help. But as I write this a year later I have one persistent issue which is the brain fog. I still don't always feel present in my daily life and even sometimes my vision just feels dull, I've done my fair share of searching online and have seen many share my expeirence and I know symptoms can last years and there's no sure fire cure but not feeling a 100% for over a year now bothers me and creates anxiety in itself which I assume then worsens the feeling. I wanted to post this to see if anyone else has a similar situation or what people thought of it. Thank you for taking the time to read this. BTW I am a 20 year old male that's regular active.

TRIGGER WARNING- SA, etc.
It's a very very long story and there's more that I could go on about but- My parents had me young, mom (19), bio dad (21). They separated when I was around 3 or 4 y/o and that's when my dad (19) (that later adopted me) came into my life. When he went to adopt me at about 7 y/o, before sibling 1 was born, they needed bio dad to release his rights; he agreed on one condition from my mom, 'Don't talk to my family anymore, I will handle it'. So he signed, with the additional agreement that he would not have to pay child support, dad adopted me. I ended up with 1 little sibling and I wanted nothing to do with bio dad at this point, he was already out of my life since the adoption. At around 12 years old, my parents started their divorce, moms second divorce. This divorce was completely different. At first, I hated my (adopted) dad but then again, he used to work 3 jobs to support us, only had 1 day off and used it as a "cleaning day" (which I later appreciated as an adult because I had SEVERE allergies, but in the moment I was just like wtf man fr?) From 13 y/o to about 15 y/o my moms at the time bf was sexually abusing me, forcing me to "cuddle" on the couch, he would pretend to fall asleep (in 5 seconds) and touch my non existent boobs and coochie while grinding his boner against my butt until he had enough. I would lay there silently crying until he actually fell asleep, slowly crawl away, and be up the whole rest of the school night, in shock, crying, cutting myself, and writing very depressing poems. He would break open the bathroom door while I was bathing and would try to peep at me in the tub. I'd cover myself under the bubble bath for HOURS until I had no bubbles and the water was cold. I then tried hurting myself even worse but sibling walked in on me. I broke down and thought if I do this, this dude is going to go for my sibling so I'll just take whatever it is to protect them. So I did. I dealt with all the things plus him walking in on me SERVERAL times in my bedroom each time after I'd have a bath/shower (no lock on the door). This guy also apparently would hit, strangle, and rape my mom. I came to find out that he had a record too, he and his brother abducted a 17 y/o or 18 y/o girl, took her to a trap house, raped her in a bathroom with a pole-blood in the tub, sink, toilet, floor, etc. He also was busted because he put a garbage bag over another man's head and lit it on fire-because the man was black. (Dude ended up being dishonorably discharged later on btw) Eventually, she got rid of him, dated a bit, and settled with a new bf, my now step dad of over 10 years. At this point, I was 16 y/o, had a GREAT relationship with (adopted) dad (not so much my mom), and became curious about my bio dad-where I came from, family customs/traditions, similarities/differences, interests, the other half of who I am. I found him on social media, reached out but didn't get a response for 2-3 weeks. Shortly after us chatting, I went to see him (adopted dad and sibling 1 came with). I had 2 more siblings from bio dad, they were a decade or so younger than me, and sibling 3 didn't resemble me much but did with sibling 2 BUT sibling 2 looked so much like me at that age, weird. A short time later, there was a family event by bio dad, I was invited but had no way to get there (about a 6 hour drive from where I was at the time) so his sistemy aunt said she'd take me. She picked me up and I was to spend the night at her house (with my 2 cousins) then we would travel in the morning. I was so excited because I vaguely remember cousin 1 from childhood, apparently we were super close growing up together, I was eager to reconnect and bond with my cousins. When spending the night, cousin 2 went to sleep early (a bit younger than cousin 1 and I), so cousin 1 and I were talking for hours, it was great being able to reconnect/re-establish our relationship...until he kissed me, threw himself on me, tried getting me to touch him as he started to touch me. I said stop wtf what are you doing we are FIRST cousins!! He chuckled and said "We are but we're not" ... "wtf are you talking about?" ... "I'm not supposed to say but your dad had a DNA test done during tour parents divorce and told all of us your mom cheated on him, you're not ACTUALLY his acoording to the test" ... so at this point, I'm disgusted, have so many questions, confused, am in a house of 'family' that I don't know/don't believe that I am family-I went to sleep. Next day we traveled to see bio dad and after the event I asked him and step mom about it and also mentioned that because of this cousin 1 tried "xyz". Bio dad's response to the DNA-"Your mother had the DNA test done and it said I was not your bio father, she probably lied/gave me a fake test so I would stay out of your life." I went to my mom and questioned her, she said "Absolutely not, you know your (adopted) father and I don't talk so you can even ask him to verify that I'm not lying. I have no idea about anything that has to do with a DNA test, we never had one as he (bio das) was my first and we got married then I was prengant with you about 3-4 months after getting married." I asked (adopted) dad and his story lined up perfectly with my mom's. So bio dad lied to me and his entire side of the family to save face. He lied to all of them because his agreement of giving up his rights to me and not having to pay child support would not have been supported by his side of the family so he told them I wasn't his and supposedly provided a (fake) test so they'd get off his back about it. My grandfather from him said he saw the test-but there was no test! Beyond fucked up man...but whatever. I still wanted a connection. I wanted to leave the bullshit in the past and move forward right? So, fast forward a bit, I was in a 3 year (3 out of 3.5 year) relationship with a TRUE P.O.S. bf that was physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive. We lived together for 3 years out of our 3.5 year relationship. He was addicted to porn, would call me a bitch every single day amoung other things, ended up raping me and thought it was funny, would hit, kick, choke me (not in the good way), and push me off the bed but then say "You think I want to be like this?! You think I want to do this to you?! Hurt you?! You're making me do it, it's your fault because you have issues." I wasn't "allowed" to talk to my guy friends because they're guys (and I didn't have many girl friends at all), especially my best guy friend that I grew up with and had known since 3 y/o. Bf would isolate me from my families even. At work, I only would talk to my guy friends/male co-workers if bf wasn't there otherwise he would ignore me the whole shift and be brutal when we got home (yeah, we also worked together for a bit over 3 years). I then found out that bf went on the dark web and watched a man kidnap someone, rape her, murder her, and proceed to rape her corpse...my bf was getting off on it! He even said he went back on the next night to do it again but site was blocked. FUCKING PSYCHOTIC. I could go on and on about his craziness. I was his 3rd virgin btw and at work we had a "work daughter" (was so close to that girl, she was 3 years younger than me, 5 years younger than bf and I used to go to her (when bf didnt have same shift as me) crying and telling her everything that would happen with him, so she knew all the shit he did). I was scared he was going to kill me one day, I was scared to stay, scared to leave, all the stupid things and all I wanted was consistent love. We did end up breaking up a few months after I turned 21, he ended up dating our work daughter and took her virginity too! He also did all the shit to her as he did to me! I felt bad for her at first but then thought no you dumb fuck, you knew EVERYTHING you were getting into smh. Anyway, I went to a family event for bio dad, bf was working, they wanted to meet him; we set up lunch for the following day. Bio dad said he was going to give bf the "talk" yk...with the shot gun type of talk. I said I don't feel comfortable with that because firstly, it's not his place, I have my dad (adopted), secondly, bio dad even agreed that we more so have a friend relationship at this point, and third, I've already been with bf for 3 years so it's not appropriate. He got REALLY salty the morning of the meet. We were coordinating plans and everything when he said along the lines, "We haven't seen you in person for almost 2 years now yet you always have time to go out...etc.etc." I responded, "The two times that you have seen me post that I was out, I was across the street from work. I went there for about 2 hours both times with bf and co-workers. I cannot drive 6-8 hours to you and 6-8 hours back in the same day. I work two full time jobs and am going to college online full-time. I'm sorry that I'm making you feel this way or that I've been distant but I try talking and seeing you all (on Skype and such) as much as I can. I don't know what else you want me to do or say at this point. That's why I'm excited for this meet up today. You also could have put in the effort to come out this way these last two years to visit me as well, but again, I'm sorry. I hope you all aren't mad at me, I'm really trying here." He then tells me "I'm going to have to cancel lunch today. I don't think meeting today is a good idea. Now I'm going to have to tell your (LITTLE) siblings that you don't want to see them today since you never have time for us and have basically disappeared from our lives these last 2 years." Aaaaand that's when I ✨️lost✨️ my shit and popped off 🙃 "ME?! I'm the one that disappeared?!?! How fucking dare you say that. How fucking dare you try to do that to them and me. YOU disappeared from MY life at 4 years old, LIED to the entire family (they still questioned if I'm "there's" or not, even had received the comment "Even though you're not ours, your ours because we've known you since a baby" and only 1 of bio dad's parents is still somewhat in touch with me to this day btw) I didn't see YOU for 12 YEARS of my life! I reached out to YOU, I have been the only one making an effort to keep the line of communication open and going and even after all of that plus my explaining that I work TWO full-time jobs plus full-time school, you still have the nerve and audacity to make me the bad guy and say I'm the one not trying here?! YOU are going to continue to LIE and tell MY siblings that I don't want to see them when that couldn't be further from the truth?! I'm going to tell you this ONCE, YOU blew your first chance of staying in my life when I was a child, now you're blowing it a SECOND time with me as an adult; there WILL NOT be a third time. I WILL NOT subject myself to this nor do I need your added stress. I WILL NOT allow you to do this to me EVER again. If my siblings or even step mom (or that side of the family) want to be in contact with me-I will gladly accept that but YOU are DEAD to me. Don't talk to me, don't contact me, I want NOTHING to do with YOU anymore, sperm donor." ... no response ...every couple of years after that I got a "happy birthday" or "merry christmas" here and there but I never responded. It's been a few years with no interaction from him. I just miss my siblings. I got so attached to them and I miss them, I tried staying in contact through video chats but they were still fairly young at that point so it was difficult plus having him or step mom in the background sometimes was awkward. They're now getting a bit older, sibling 2 is turning 18, sibling 3 will be 16. We have each other on social media but don't talk and very very VERY rarely interact with likes on posts. I'm afraid to make the first move, I don't want to push anything, I don't know what bio dad has been feeding into their brains about me, etc. My relationship with them will NEVER be as close as with my almost 21 y/o sibling 1 from (adopted) dad, which I can accept, I absolutely love my sibling 1 that I grew up with like nothing and no one else; I practically raised him tbh. But I do think about the other 2 siblings, I miss them, I just don't know if I should respect unspoken boundaries or make the first move? What do you think? And lmk if you want more of these batshit crazy stories that I've went through (tbh I'm probably going to post another seeking advice on another subject). ✌🏻

Hello everyone I wanted to share with you all something things that happened to me the last 8 months
So the story starts On late December of last year one week before New year
As I was walking home from the store I head a small cry from the bushes up ahead as I got closer to it they kept getting louder and louder my curio got the best of me so I went to see what was going on and I see a small puppy 2-3 weeks old lying on it stomach,So I took it out of the bushes and sat on the bench and put the puppy on my lap,I Was seeing if it had any injuries but it seemed fine I satyed with it there until I went to sleep on my lap a good 10 minutes go by and my mom calls me"Where are you its been 15 minutes since you left did you get what I asked you to" I said I'm sorry mom I'm coming gome right away. And there I was sitting there thinking what should I do about the small defenceless little dog in my lap.I should put it back in there right maybe it's mother will be coming back to take her baby so I wait a little longer and nothing happened at that moment the puppy wakes up and start crying again maybe it was hungry or something I didn't know so there I was contemplating what should I do but was I look down to see the puppy I see her starting directly at me with those little eyes of hers and I thought to my slef am I really going to let her alone again in this cold weather and she might die of starvation so I gathered my bags and took the puppy home with me Least to say my parents weren't really happy with me saying stuff like "why did you bring a stray dog home what if the dog has am infection ect" but I really didn't care about all that they were saying I was determined to keep her from going out side again so I gathered every ounce of courage I had and started arguing with saying that I'm gonna keep this puppy if it mean ime get kicked out the house (Brave word for a teenager with nowhere to go right 😄) But at that moment I really didn't care about that I would cared about the little dog in my arms shivering from the cold After a while me and my parent made deal I could keep the dog for now seeing as you care so much about it but we really don't have space in our small house for it to grow comfortably so my dad said that he would find a home for him by contacting his friend so for the time being you can keep it I was ecstatic I could keep my smile from showing tho I was a little sad because this would mean that I would have to say goodbye to the dog in the near future but as long as she was safe my feelings really didn't matter So afer new year the dog seemed to have settle down on our little home My hole family felled in live with the little dog we named her Sasha it seemed like it would suit her the best and the really like we I called her by her name dhe used to go under my bed whenever she wanted to go to sleep or when we played together So come June 1 this year my dad told me that he found a friend of his thay was looking for a dog and it was now time to let go I was heartbroken when I heard this I mean I thought he forgot all about that but it seemed he didn't like the mess that the dog made around the hose and said tomorrow we I will send her to her new house That night I was crying in my bed knowing that shasha would leave tomorrow but I calmed my self say that this would be better for the her so I went to sleep Morning comes and my Heart I beating really fast I had sweet in my palms and was really close to crying but I held on Here comes dad with his friend let's call h Ben in Ben's car In this moment i can feel tears forming in my eyes My dad said it's time to say goodbye to sasha I sit down in one knee and hugged her tightly saying goodbye to her I'm gonna miss you And there they went leaving off in the distance but I said to my slef maybe I'll go and visit her the following Sunday so I calmed my slef when went inside Litt did I know that that would be the last time I say shasha
So it's the following day and i realised to mistake that i made and told my dad to go and get sasha because I really missed her I mean the house looked so empty without her man and I really wanted my dog It felt like I had abandoned my child
So I tell him let's bring her back So he goes to his house to get sasha but,,,, she want there she was gone,,, she had managed to escaped from Ben's house she was no longer there
I was so mad and sad at the same time that I didn't even go to school that day and began searching for her but I had no luck and whent home crying on the way there
When Night come and dad comes home and I tell him how did she escaped he told me that he left her in the house but she managed to escape from the house and started following the car
In that moment I exploud with and and yell at him why didn't you stop and put her back in did you think that she would just fo back inside she doesn't even know the neighbourhood there man
My dad told me to calm down its just a dog we can get a nother one if you want At that moment I lost all the respect that I had for that man and stormed of the house and went looking for sasha I mean she should be around the neighbourhood somewhere right?
After 3 days of searching for her I found her.....I found her but she,, she wasn't alive she had been hit by a car and had been thrown beside some Trash cans ......she was no longer in this old it seemed it happened the day she was abandoned because flies and maggots were present eating away her flesh
I was heartbroken seeing the dog that I cared about so much lifeless on the ground 💔
I when home and started yelling at my dad I mean how can he do this to me how can he do this to sasha he told me that he was gonna take her to a better home not the Fucking highway He started crying saying he was sorry he was drunk and he wasn't thinks straight that day
I really don't know what to do How can I look my father in the eyes after he did this to me his only son
I just hope that when I die I hope I get to see my dog again and say to her I'm sorry sasha I'm sorry I couldn't protect you I'm sorry I let them take you I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most
But I know that no matter how sorry I feel she isn't coming back Now every time I enter my home I expect to hear her barks welcoming me home Fly high sasha I will be there with you sooner that you expect bby just you wait🌹

This is long, I’ll try be brief as possible, thank you if you read it all!
My husband and I are Scottish, we lived in Houston, Tx, for 7 years, had great jobs, a great life, built a beautiful house, had our daughter and… promptly moved back home, before she turned 3 months mostly due to my pp anxiety.
We’ve been home for just over 2 years and I’ve been a SAHM since she was born, and been in that bubble. My husband however has struggled. He worked for an amazing company, had a fab career, was really going places, he is a hard working man, takes pride in his job and all that he’s achieved considering his background and lack of education, he really made something from nothing.
Since being home he’s really struggled. He tried working for a major corporation, decent paycheck but there was no job satisfaction, he tried going alone and launched his own business, he tried contracting, and now he’s working away. It’s the only way he makes any decent money in this country, but he has zero job satisfaction and he’s away from us 3.5 weeks at a time. He’s miserable, as much as he hides it, and it’s killing me.
We were hoping for a chance to return to the ME with his American company (we lived in ME before USA) but that has fell through and now his American company are asking him to come back, they are throwing everything at us to get him back, he’s highly sought after, it’s a crazy offer but I am concerned.
I am concerned about our child being brought up around gun violence. In my 7 years in tx I never actually experienced any gun violence, but I did randomly meet a mother in a bar who lost her 17 year old in a school shooting, I follow her social media as she continues to campaign.
I say that living in Scotland comes with possibilities to be a victim of crime but at no point will I ever send them to school with fear they will be shot, that’s is unfathomable to me.
But on the flip side, we’ve almost went back a decade moving home. We can’t afford to live in an area with the top schools unless he works away and I go back to work and even then it’s really pushing it as my job doesn’t pay great here, which is hard to accept as I was highly compensated in Houston. Our financial goals have taken a halt, I see how the kids are here and it’s no different to when I grew up, focused on alcohol and drugs instead of sports and education. The only real positive about being here is safety and my parents.
Your thoughts, opinions, experiences are very much welcomed. Thank you.

i’ve never felt this way in my waking life about a dream before, and i nearly cried after waking up. I cannot drive legally yet as i am 15, but in my dream i was driving to my grandparents house to help them move out, but they weren’t even there for some reason. anyway, when i got out of the car i remember a knife somehow getting into my hand, and from there i just cut my own head off. it wasnt hard to do or anything, and i just kept going as if it was a routine thing or something i had to do before entering the house. as soon as my head was off it was as if i was looking through the top of my neck. but i wasnt worried about the neighbors seeing which is important for later. regardless of whether i was worried or not i simply put my head back on. and i remember minimal struggle because my hair got in the way of me reattaching it. i entered the house and the house was completely different even though everything outside looked like real life. the garage is where i went first and there was an oddly large table with cheap fabric paintings on it but there were these two textured discs of what was some sort of bronze-ish metal painted blue. and at some point here i remembered i had to wash myself off and it was almost as if a sink had just appeared in front of me. i washed the blood off of myself very lazily for how much there was and then walked out of the garage. there was an old lady in the hallway. i dont recognize her but she was very short. as if she was speaking telepathically to me i knew she wanted to see the garage. in the garage she looked through a small box containing random trinkets and another painting that was identical to one laying about the table. but then one of the discs caught her eye. she examined it and the realization hit me for some reason, that i cut my own head off. so i left without saying anything to her, the house was emptier from what i remembered as i left. i got into the car and thats when i woke up.
i know a lot of this is yap but this seriously freaked me out, has anyone had similar dreams to this or is it just me? can anyone give me a solid dream interpretation or..?

Ok, so this is a bit of a long story, but my bf (John), has this girlfriend (Maria) he has known since university that I'm not really fond of.
For context, they were close friends in uni, John had a big crush on Maria at some point and they had a one-nightstand. They didn't go any further than that, as she was the type of girl that would go from guy to guy at that point. Later Maria did come back and said she wanted to start dating John, but he wasn't interested anymore. (at least this is the story he told me.)
They kept being friends onwards, he would go through 2 other girlfriends, who both said they didn't want Maria to be in his life. One of them due to knowing Maria herself and her story with guys, and the other was more a gut vibe. So throughout those 2 relationships John kept a distance from Maria. As the relationships ended they would become friends again, though not as close as before due to Maria having a new boyfriend herself.
Around 2 years ago I started dating John, and he was very blunt about his past relationship with Maria, and I told him it's no problem as long he makes me feel like there's no problem. I wanted to be friends with his best friend Maria as well. The first 6 months went fine, but then I started having some big life changes, I wanted those to be secret between us for awhile, but then he went on to talk with Maria about it anyways. Now we had a conversation about it, and how it made me feel a bit betrayed.
A second event he had a problem choosing something work related, I gave him some advise, and he went ahead asking Maria for advise as well. Now this is not a problem, but her answer were the exact same as mine, and he ended up giving her the credit. This also made me feel betrayed, and started to make me feel insecure in the relationship.
I started to try and become friends with her, we would hang out from time to time both alone and together with our boyfriends. The more I hanged out with Maria I got to know that she's the 'pick me girl' type of girl that only has guy friends. I didn't really mind it as much, because in general she seemed nice towards me. As we got closer she started showing more of her toxic side though, even in our small group chat.
She started to say that she considered me more of a friend that John by now, but then a couple of days after she began to act weird towards me and pull John in. We even went to her birthday party were she would take a couple of group pictures, but I would not be in any of them. Now I'm not really a camera-happy person, but I would have liked to be included.
At the end of last year John started to see more that she's not an good apple, and is barely considering her a friend that much anymore.
In the last couple of months she went through a breakup, she seemed totally fine and happy about it though. Now she wants to start hanging out with John alone. And with all of this I just don't feel comfortable with that. John says he will take what social interactions he can get, even if it's with Maria and he finds her toxic. I understand that, but my gut feeling and anxiety does not want this. I talked with him about it and I said I tried to say that I'm not really in a stage to let him go hangout with her alone, I was prepared and fine with him to want to breakup with me for that (I come from a past toxic and violent relationship), but he said no. Now he's just ignoring her, and we need to figure out what to do. He says he's fine with ignoring her, but that's not really a solution. I have anxiety and rather wanna runaway than letting him go out with her alone or confront her with my insecurities.
Now people you can call me toxic, I know I'm not perfect, but what can we do?
TLDR:
My boyfriend John has a long-time friend, Maria, with whom he had a brief romantic history. Despite past girlfriends having issues with Maria, John remained friends with her. I initially tried to befriend her, but over time, she showed toxic behavior and made me feel excluded and insecure. Recently, Maria wants to hang out with John alone, but I feel uncomfortable with this due to my past trauma and her behavior. John is willing to ignore her, but we know this isn’t a real solution. How can we handle this situation?

The biceps is often forgotten as a shoulder tendon. It has a muscle belly on the front of the arm that most people know. However, what most people do not realize is that the upper portion of the biceps has two separate tendons. The short-head tendon attaches to bone outside of the shoulder joint. The long-head of the biceps tendon travels into the shoulder joint and attaches to a soft tissue anchor called the labrum of the shoulder. The biceps acts to flex the elbow, rotate the forearm, and to center the humeral head (ball) in the glenoid (socket).
What kind of biceps injuries can happen and what are their symptoms?
This video demonstrates a Biceps tendon tear
Biceps injuries can include strains (muscle stretch) or tendonitis (tendon inflammation) or tears. It is difficult to differentiate between the different diagnoses as they all cause pain. Typically the pain from biceps injuries occurs over the front of the shoulder or deep within the shoulder. The pain is worsened with lifting activities or overhead reaching activities. With certain tears, patients may complain of a "popping" or "clunking" of the shoulder joint.
Where do injuries occur?
Injury to the biceps complex can occur anywhere along its anatomy but at the shoulder joint, the most common location for the biceps to tear happens at either the:
SLAP (superior labrum anterior to posterior) tear. Biceps anchor tear.
long-head biceps tendon as it approaches the joint or along it's course inside the shoulder joint (see video above)
at its insertion on the superior (top part) of the shoulder labrum. This is known as a SLAP tear of the shoulder (see video)
How are SLAP tear and Bicep tendon injuries diagnosed?
These injuries are difficult to assess, but with a combination of thorough history and physical exam along with X-rays and MRI, they can often be detected.
Patient will often report deep and front pain in the shoulder that is difficult to localize. The pain can be associated with a "clunk" or "pop" in the shoulder with overhead or rotational movements.
X-rays are often performed to rule out arthritis or fracture.
MRI is the best test to see a biceps or SLAP tear. Often, the MRI is accompanied by an arthrogram (dye injection into shoulder) to enhance the ability to see even the smallest tears.
MRI Arthrogram (right) demonstrating a torn biceps anchor or SLAP tear.
MRI Arthrogram (right) demonstrating a torn biceps anchor or SLAP tear.
What are the treatment options for a biceps tear or biceps anchor tear?
Non-surgical treatment
Many injuries of the biceps tendon and its anchor can be treated conservatively. This treatment path may include modalities such as physical therapy, anti-inflammatory medications, injections, rest, and activity modification.
Surgical treatment is reserved for patients that have continued pain and disability even after a trial of non-surgical treatment
For a biceps tendon tear, very small tears may be debrided or "cleaned up". However, most tears of the tendon are more significant and a surgery is often performed where the tendon is cut within the joint and reattached into the humerus. This is called a biceps tenodesis. This procedure removes the damaged portion of the tendon while still giving the biceps tendon almost normal function and appearance.
For a superior labral tear (SLAP tear), a variety of surgical treatments exist. The choice should be left to the surgeon depending on the degree of the tear, the age of the patient, and the involvement of the biceps tendon. Sometimes, the biceps tenodesis mentioned previously is enough. In other cases, a labral repair can be performed where the torn portion of the labrum is reattached to the edge of the glenoid (socket)...SLAP repair.

Recently I have fallen into taking my GMC-600 to museums of various types. I tend to find more unique items at museums than in antique shops, and it always sparks up an interesting conversation with whatever worker is there that day, as they are usually just as passionate about the history of a piece as me, if not more so.
I went to a museum that housed some mid 20th century electronic equipment, and asked the volunteer if it was okay if I scanned around a bit. I always tend to ask to make sure they're comfortable with it. Most people don't understand how common radioactivity is, and the last thing I want is to make someone uncomfortable by probing around their building without permission.
To my surprise they already had a list of several radioactive items in their collection, mostly small radium dials. Most people I talk to are only aware of the existence of radium, and many museums are not aware that they actually have these things in their collection until I let them know.
I asked if I could take a look around the museum, and then come back to see if the list of items found with my meter matched up with their list, sort of as a scavenger hunt. Looking around I found several interesting dials that I had heard of, but had never seen in person.
However, eventually I got to an electronic panel, and was confused at why my meter was hitting off at several thousand CPM. This panel was made in the 1940s, but was nothing but knobs and metal indented labels explaining what each of the knobs did. Not a dial in sight. I actually scanned back and forth to make sure that none of the pieces next to it were hot, but it appeared that only the one of the bunch was the one in question.
I brought out my UV flashlight to see if there was anything that could light up, only to have half the panel turn up bright green when lit up. No glass dials covering it, no plexiglass display, completely exposed and easily reachable by a child if they decided to start playing around with the displays.
A significant portion of the paint appeared to have been scratched and/or flaked off, but thankfully I saw no obvious dust on the floor of the display. Somewhere that dust is still around, probably on the floor of a storage warehouse somewhere.
I went over to the front desk and asked them if they were aware of the panel. They said no, they were only aware of the dials in a separate display. I brought them over to the panel and their eyes went wide when the meter started clicking off like mad.
"Let me grab the curator."
The curator came out and as I explained what I had found and showed them the glowing paint and ticking GM counter. Their demeanor switched to that of an archaeologist who just found an unknowable evil in a tomb in a B movie: Both extremely interested and fascinated but also mildly horrified that something had been right under their nose for this long.
I already knew that this museum was well funded and as a result probably had a safety specialist to deal with any issues that may come about. They said that they periodically checked the radium dials, and were also aware of lead paint on a few pieces, and had someone come out to check the integrity of both to make sure that it wouldn't cause any problems. They ensured me that they would have their specialist out as soon as possible to discuss what would be next for the display, most likely a piece of temporary glass immediately while they figure out something long term. Cue thirty minutes of discussing the other pieces in the museum once the matter was discussed. I gave them a few NRC and EPA links for more information on radium dials and left. I'll be headed back to the museum soon to see what they put up for safety.
I make this post for a few reasons.
1: Museums are an underrated means of looking for hot items. Antique shops may offer a greater quantity to search among, but in my experience museums have had more rare items, and the payoff of finding something unique is ten times better than any more common item in an antique shop, such as fiestaware.
2: Supporting your local museum. Chances are you have something fascinating right near you without knowing it. Whether its a one room display at the local government office, or the entire Smithsonian, you probably have a really interesting museum near you. Do a quick google search and find out what's up.
3: The value of heading out with a survey meter for fun. Most often, it's a unique means of interacting with history. Occasionally, it may help improve the safety of others. Whether it was tomorrow or thirty years from now, some kid on a school field trip may have gotten rowdy and decided to start playing with knobs and buttons, possibly inadvertantly getting some radium dust on their hands. Who knows how long it might have been before the piece's status as radioactive was found had someone with a survey meter not shown up?
I encourage all of you to head out to your local museum with your meters. Not only are you supporting an important local institution, but you may find something important, who knows?
And before anyone asks, no, I will not say where the museum is, what it's called, or even what kind of electronic panel the piece was. Giving away pretty much any of that information would allow for the museum to be found. The last thing they need is some local finding this, sending it to the city news station and having a headline come out that says "Hundreds exposed to previously unknown radioactive material for years at local museum". Most people don't understand the basics of radiation safety, much less radium paint, and the last thing I want is some horrible publicity coming out for a museum who genuinely had no idea what they had.

My friend and i have known eachother for about 6 years now and we have a tight and close bond. But for the longest time my friend (let’s call her Roseanna) would constantly seek male validation and would always be in my ear about it since 9th grade. Me and Roseanna are 21 now and it’s gotten worse over the years. Each time she deals with someone new it’s a cycle of me hearing how great of a fit they are for her even though they do the bare minimum and love bomb her but she thinks they have a great connection. When things go bad with these guys she’s always texting me paragraphs WHEN i didn’t ask or just always making the conversations about herself and these men. I’ve always been a listening ear and give advice that she would never take. This has happened with about 12 different guys over the span of 6 years and talking about the same situations over and over again.
In the recent years i’ve started to pull back and not engage conversations with her but i invited her over to my house since i hadn’t seen her in a while. She comes over to my house and greets me by saying when she leaves my house she’s going to see another one of these guys. During our whole time of seeing eachother it was just her talking about this guy. I even purposely ask her if she has hobbies and talk about hobbies i’m into and she still circles back to talk about a man. It feels like our friendship is one sided.
But AITA for ignoring her because recently for her 22nd birthday she made plans for a birthday dinner and invited about 5 people including the man. Days go by and people are flaking one by one til the day before her birthday and I’m the only one left besides the man that is still wanting to come. So then she messages me to basically cancel her birthday dinner because she doesn’t want me to be a third wheel. i’ve known this chick for 6 years and always celebrated her birthdays but she is more concerned with a man that i can’t even be in attendance to celebrate her birthday. I’ve just decided to never hang out or really converse with her anymore after this incident. AITA?

Let me start by saying I'm not a homewrecker. I'm just someone who decided to wake the fuck up and sniff the fucking sunshine. I like my best friend. It was a wake up call when i figured it out.
I met her at least 8 months ago when I transferred jobs. She was leaving the position and I was the new hire taking her place. We got along straight away. Ussally I have to tone myself back because no one matches my energy but she was as loud and weird as me. It was nice finding someone it felt easy being around.
When she left to her new job we kept in contact. I was the only one she talked to from her old job. She didn't make friends easy and only talked to her boyfriend and myself. It was odd because her relationship confused me. She had been with the guy for three years and yet all she did was complain about him. I can't justify how annoyed it made me feel to listen to all his toxic masculinity. It was a frustration I couldn't stifle, something burning in my chest when she talked. She would often say she felt bad hanging out with me because it was "easy" and she was given shit from her boyfriend because he was jealous of all the time we spent together.
One time I woke up from her groaning in frustration because they were having an argument about how often she sees me at 7 in the morning. I guess this is when I started to have major issues with their arguments. It was a new feeling. Something in the way she was wrapped in the extra blankets I laid out for her because she gets cold. Something in the nightgown she was wearing that complimented her figure. Something in the extra pillow I added to my bed when she started spending nights. Something in the way she seemed to fit into my world perfectly without even trying at all. I didn't recognise this at first. All I knew is that I had a huge dislike for her boyfriend. She would be so happy around me and one text from her boyfriend would make her frown. It made me angry.
It was so simple to me. Break up with him. And I don't get why she dosent. She tells me it's not easy for her to break it off and start over. I hadn't acknowledged my feelings at the time so I was still in denial about the way I felt. All I knew is that I opened doors for her, joked with her- made her laugh. I would tell her "I'm trying to show you how you should be treated. Don't you see the difference between me and him?". She acknowledged it begrudgingly and her rants continued. We often went around in circles about this. I didn't know what else to do.
And then it hit me. I was in my room thinking about her. I was infront of the mirror, taking off my eyeliner when I was wondering how she was doing. She had been low today. Something about not taking her meds on time. I realised that I was thinking about her constantly- that by this PIONT her name had left an imprint on my brain. This couldn't be normal. Could it? I was confused -brows scrunched as I ran the micellar water over them. Somehow she had become so important to me in such a short amount of time. No one ever made me think like this- made me worry like this. I didn't have many friends. Just the occasional friend I saw sometimes. But I have had best friends before. They shouldn't affect you like this. I realised my feelings in that moment. I could barely comprehend my actions but soon enough I was calling her. She answered "hey" I was nervous, flustered over my compulsiveness. "Do you have time to talk?" I pushed out. It was hard to speak . There was a lump in my throate and the room was spinning. All I could see was the phone on the bed- her face plastered across the screen. "Of course I do, what's up?" She responds. I hesitate "maybe I shouldn't say this" There's a shuffling on the line. It's almost like she's straightening herself up- preparing for bad news. "Am i smothering you?" She asks. "What! No!" I shake my head "why would you think that?" She's sheepish "oh.. I just worried. We spend a lot of time together is all" I smiled. She defiantly wouldn't think I felt smothered after I fessed up. But then the anxiety crept in. "What? There's something bothering you" she pushes. And that's all it took. It was like a damn came loose. My mouth was the brick holding it together and then the words fell out. "I have feelings for you" Silence. I bite my lip knowing I fucked this up. "Oh" she says "that's ok" I retort "No it's not. I know you have a boyfriend and there was no agenda in me telling you. I guess I just wanted some closure..." I'm shaking my head. This conversation went too fast. I was blinded by my foolishness- her reaction and my stupid ability to do stupid things and not think about the consequences. Because what happens now? I've just bared myself before her and all I've recieaved is "oh that's ok". And I don't know what I wanted from her- what would have been an acceptable reaction in my eyes. I guess maybe I wanted more then her chirpy response. Like... I just poured out my heart to u, darl. Can you give me something here?
The next part of the conversation was awakwrd. She told me she wasn't going to break up with her boyfriend but that she did have feelings for me to. I wasn't sure what to do with that. All I know is that it made me angry how calm she was. Because how could she be calm? I wasn't calm. I was frantic, feeling somber as the minutes pressed on. Because how could she stay with him? She dosent owe me anything I know but it dosent sit right with me that he treats her so horribly and she puts up with it. Like I'm right here.... just open your eyes.
I told her that I will respect her choices and don't want to pressure her. We seem to be in an ok place but she keeps calling me because she thinks I might cut her off. It is a possibility at this point. I just need to think. I feel disappointed with myself but I can't help how I'm feeling.
Am I the asshole?

TRIGGER WARNING- SA, etc.
It's a very very long story and there's more that I could go on about but- My parents had me young, mom (19), bio dad (21). They separated when I was around 3 or 4 y/o and that's when my dad (19) (that later adopted me) came into my life. When he went to adopt me at about 7 y/o, before sibling 1 was born, they needed bio dad to release his rights; he agreed on one condition from my mom, 'Don't talk to my family anymore, I will handle it'. So he signed, with the additional agreement that he would not have to pay child support, dad adopted me. I ended up with 1 little sibling and I wanted nothing to do with bio dad at this point, he was already out of my life since the adoption. At around 12 years old, my parents started their divorce, moms second divorce. This divorce was completely different. At first, I hated my (adopted) dad but then again, he used to work 3 jobs to support us, only had 1 day off and used it as a "cleaning day" (which I later appreciated as an adult because I had SEVERE allergies, but in the moment I was just like wtf man fr?) From 13 y/o to about 15 y/o my moms at the time bf was sexually abusing me, forcing me to "cuddle" on the couch, he would pretend to fall asleep (in 5 seconds) and touch my non existent boobs and coochie while grinding his boner against my butt until he had enough. I would lay there silently crying until he actually fell asleep, slowly crawl away, and be up the whole rest of the school night, in shock, crying, cutting myself, and writing very depressing poems. He would break open the bathroom door while I was bathing and would try to peep at me in the tub. I'd cover myself under the bubble bath for HOURS until I had no bubbles and the water was cold. I then tried hurting myself even worse but sibling walked in on me. I broke down and thought if I do this, this dude is going to go for my sibling so I'll just take whatever it is to protect them. So I did. I dealt with all the things plus him walking in on me SERVERAL times in my bedroom each time after I'd have a bath/shower (no lock on the door). This guy also apparently would hit, strangle, and rape my mom. I came to find out that he had a record too, he and his brother abducted a 17 y/o or 18 y/o girl, took her to a trap house, raped her in a bathroom with a pole-blood in the tub, sink, toilet, floor, etc. He also was busted because he put a garbage bag over another man's head and lit it on fire-because the man was black. (Dude ended up being dishonorably discharged later on btw) Eventually, she got rid of him, dated a bit, and settled with a new bf, my now step dad of over 10 years. At this point, I was 16 y/o, had a GREAT relationship with (adopted) dad (not so much my mom), and became curious about my bio dad-where I came from, family customs/traditions, similarities/differences, interests, the other half of who I am. I found him on social media, reached out but didn't get a response for 2-3 weeks. Shortly after us chatting, I went to see him (adopted dad and sibling 1 came with). I had 2 more siblings from bio dad, they were a decade or so younger than me, and sibling 3 didn't resemble me much but did with sibling 2 BUT sibling 2 looked so much like me at that age, weird. A short time later, there was a family event by bio dad, I was invited but had no way to get there (about a 6 hour drive from where I was at the time) so his sistemy aunt said she'd take me. She picked me up and I was to spend the night at her house (with my 2 cousins) then we would travel in the morning. I was so excited because I vaguely remember cousin 1 from childhood, apparently we were super close growing up together, I was eager to reconnect and bond with my cousins. When spending the night, cousin 2 went to sleep early (a bit younger than cousin 1 and I), so cousin 1 and I were talking for hours, it was great being able to reconnect/re-establish our relationship...until he kissed me, threw himself on me, tried getting me to touch him as he started to touch me. I said stop wtf what are you doing we are FIRST cousins!! He chuckled and said "We are but we're not" ... "wtf are you talking about?" ... "I'm not supposed to say but your dad had a DNA test done during tour parents divorce and told all of us your mom cheated on him, you're not ACTUALLY his acoording to the test" ... so at this point, I'm disgusted, have so many questions, confused, am in a house of 'family' that I don't know/don't believe that I am family-I went to sleep. Next day we traveled to see bio dad and after the event I asked him and step mom about it and also mentioned that because of this cousin 1 tried "xyz". Bio dad's response to the DNA-"Your mother had the DNA test done and it said I was not your bio father, she probably lied/gave me a fake test so I would stay out of your life." I went to my mom and questioned her, she said "Absolutely not, you know your (adopted) father and I don't talk so you can even ask him to verify that I'm not lying. I have no idea about anything that has to do with a DNA test, we never had one as he (bio das) was my first and we got married then I was prengant with you about 3-4 months after getting married." I asked (adopted) dad and his story lined up perfectly with my mom's. So bio dad lied to me and his entire side of the family to save face. He lied to all of them because his agreement of giving up his rights to me and not having to pay child support would not have been supported by his side of the family so he told them I wasn't his and supposedly provided a (fake) test so they'd get off his back about it. My grandfather from him said he saw the test-but there was no test! Beyond fucked up man...but whatever. I still wanted a connection. I wanted to leave the bullshit in the past and move forward right? So, fast forward a bit, I was in a 3 year (3 out of 3.5 year) relationship with a TRUE P.O.S. bf that was physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive. We lived together for 3 years out of our 3.5 year relationship. He was addicted to porn, would call me a bitch every single day amoung other things, ended up raping me and thought it was funny, would hit, kick, choke me (not in the good way), and push me off the bed but then say "You think I want to be like this?! You think I want to do this to you?! Hurt you?! You're making me do it, it's your fault because you have issues." I wasn't "allowed" to talk to my guy friends because they're guys (and I didn't have many girl friends at all), especially my best guy friend that I grew up with and had known since 3 y/o. Bf would isolate me from my families even. At work, I only would talk to my guy friends/male co-workers if bf wasn't there otherwise he would ignore me the whole shift and be brutal when we got home (yeah, we also worked together for a bit over 3 years). I then found out that bf went on the dark web and watched a man kidnap someone, rape her, murder her, and proceed to rape her corpse...my bf was getting off on it! He even said he went back on the next night to do it again but site was blocked. FUCKING PSYCHOTIC. I could go on and on about his craziness. I was his 3rd virgin btw and at work we had a "work daughter" (was so close to that girl, she was 3 years younger than me, 5 years younger than bf and I used to go to her (when bf didnt have same shift as me) crying and telling her everything that would happen with him, so she knew all the shit he did). I was scared he was going to kill me one day, I was scared to stay, scared to leave, all the stupid things and all I wanted was consistent love. We did end up breaking up a few months after I turned 21, he ended up dating our work daughter and took her virginity too! He also did all the shit to her as he did to me! I felt bad for her at first but then thought no you dumb fuck, you knew EVERYTHING you were getting into smh. Anyway, I went to a family event for bio dad, bf was working, they wanted to meet him; we set up lunch for the following day. Bio dad said he was going to give bf the "talk" yk...with the shot gun type of talk. I said I don't feel comfortable with that because firstly, it's not his place, I have my dad (adopted), secondly, bio dad even agreed that we more so have a friend relationship at this point, and third, I've already been with bf for 3 years so it's not appropriate. He got REALLY salty the morning of the meet. We were coordinating plans and everything when he said along the lines, "We haven't seen you in person for almost 2 years now yet you always have time to go out...etc.etc." I responded, "The two times that you have seen me post that I was out, I was across the street from work. I went there for about 2 hours both times with bf and co-workers. I cannot drive 6-8 hours to you and 6-8 hours back in the same day. I work two full time jobs and am going to college online full-time. I'm sorry that I'm making you feel this way or that I've been distant but I try talking and seeing you all (on Skype and such) as much as I can. I don't know what else you want me to do or say at this point. That's why I'm excited for this meet up today. You also could have put in the effort to come out this way these last two years to visit me as well, but again, I'm sorry. I hope you all aren't mad at me, I'm really trying here." He then tells me "I'm going to have to cancel lunch today. I don't think meeting today is a good idea. Now I'm going to have to tell your (LITTLE) siblings that you don't want to see them today since you never have time for us and have basically disappeared from our lives these last 2 years." Aaaaand that's when I ✨️lost✨️ my shit and popped off 🙃 "ME?! I'm the one that disappeared?!?! How fucking dare you say that. How fucking dare you try to do that to them and me. YOU disappeared from MY life at 4 years old, LIED to the entire family (they still questioned if I'm "there's" or not, even had received the comment "Even though you're not ours, your ours because we've known you since a baby" and only 1 of bio dad's parents is still somewhat in touch with me to this day btw) I didn't see YOU for 12 YEARS of my life! I reached out to YOU, I have been the only one making an effort to keep the line of communication open and going and even after all of that plus my explaining that I work TWO full-time jobs plus full-time school, you still have the nerve and audacity to make me the bad guy and say I'm the one not trying here?! YOU are going to continue to LIE and tell MY siblings that I don't want to see them when that couldn't be further from the truth?! I'm going to tell you this ONCE, YOU blew your first chance of staying in my life when I was a child, now you're blowing it a SECOND time with me as an adult; there WILL NOT be a third time. I WILL NOT subject myself to this nor do I need your added stress. I WILL NOT allow you to do this to me EVER again. If my siblings or even step mom (or that side of the family) want to be in contact with me-I will gladly accept that but YOU are DEAD to me. Don't talk to me, don't contact me, I want NOTHING to do with YOU anymore, sperm donor." ... no response ...every couple of years after that I got a "happy birthday" or "merry christmas" here and there but I never responded. It's been a few years with no interaction from him. I just miss my siblings. I got so attached to them and I miss them, I tried staying in contact through video chats but they were still fairly young at that point so it was difficult plus having him or step mom in the background sometimes was awkward. They're now getting a bit older, sibling 2 is turning 18, sibling 3 will be 16. We have each other on social media but don't talk and very very VERY rarely interact with likes on posts. I'm afraid to make the first move, I don't want to push anything, I don't know what bio dad has been feeding into their brains about me, etc. My relationship with them will NEVER be as close as with my almost 21 y/o sibling 1 from (adopted) dad, which I can accept, I absolutely love my sibling 1 that I grew up with like nothing and no one else; I practically raised him tbh. But I do think about the other 2 siblings, I miss them, I just don't know if I should respect unspoken boundaries or make the first move? What do you think? And lmk if you want more of these batshit crazy stories that I've went through (tbh I'm probably going to post another seeking advice on another subject). ✌🏻

I'm currently pregnant and organizing and taking some decisions that I can take ahead and one of them is regarding visiting after birth. Birthing a child must be an exhausting experience and considering the hormonal changes in the next few days, I'm scared about the place that I'll be mentally in the first few days of our family of 3 that's why I decided that if everything goes smoothly and we'll probably only have to stay at the hospital for like 48h after birth then we'll take no visitors at all and just enjoy and adapt to our new family. If something goes wrong (specially with me) we'll have my parents to visit because more than meeting the baby, they'll be worried with their own daughter. Either way, my in-laws would ideally only visit once we go back home once I feel slightly better and ready. I feel bad because I know they are important to my husband but I don't feel like I can deal with them at a moment of physical and mental fragility like that since they tend to take special moments of our life and make everything about them and I promised to myself that I learned that lesson on our wedding day. At the moment they're the least excited people about my pregnancy and never got the so called "special pregnancy treatment" from them. They barely mention the pregnancy, never asked if we need anything, we already got big and small gifts from pretty much everyone from my side of the family, also from friends and even from people that we barely know, but nothing from them. From my husband's side, our daughter will be the second granddaughter and second niece and what everyone prioritizes is preparing the first granddaughter and first niece for the fact that she'll be "substituted". The girl is 10 years old already but she was raised in a way that she is the center of the family and everyone's lives happen around her so the top priority is to make her feel good and everytime something baby related is mentioned the conversation is automatically shifted to when she was a baby. The girl which was the only one who actually got slightly excited when we shared that we're having a baby is now scared because of them, they're the ones planting those ideas. A few weeks ago a distant cousin of my husband birthed her baby and guess what was the first thing they said after seeing a picture? Yeah, the baby just looks like that 10 year old niece, like I said: they always make everything about them. I know that when it comes to them my baby will always live in the shadow of that girl so AITAH for wanting the first days of her life to actually be about her and our family of 3?