In memory of dad quotes

Some gameplay I did last night brought back memories of one of my old Sims families around 2017. I tend to get very emotionally attached to my Sims, and I've loved many before and since, but there were 3 generations of a particular family that seemed to have a particular magic that I've never recaptured.
It started with a blended family, 1 boy from the mom, 1 girl and 2 boys from the dad. The Parenthood game pack had just come out and I had so much fun exploring the new content with them.
Once the kids aged up, I continued to play all of them rotationally. The next generation had several girls all around the same age. Their dad also had an alien baby at that time, so when he died she was raised by one of her brothers alongside her nieces. They were a super close-knit extended family, always playing together and going to each other's parties.
Once again, when the girls' generation aged up, I kept playing each of them rotationally, and the next generation had 5 or 6 boys and 1 girl who all grew up together. Once they were young adults, I moved all the cousins into a huge house I built for them in Windenburg. I had such a fun time organizing parties for them and developing their styles and goals for the future! I also hadn't played with male Sims that much before that, so this was the first time I really felt connected to male Sims in my game.
After that it became too unmanageable to keep playing through everyone on rotation, and the magic was lost. But even though I don't remember a lot of the details or even all of the Sims anymore, I still always look back fondly on my time with that family.

So here's the full story.
My dad, who is 74 and is in regular health for his age (and is neither a drinker or a smoker) had something strange occur two months ago.
Even though he's been retired since 2012, he dreamed one night two months ago that he had to go some work-related function. To him, the dream seemed so real that he was actually getting ready to go to this non-existent function. As the morning went on he realized that it was just a dream and wasn't real. Same thing happened next morning as well.
Early in April he couldn't find his car at a Walmart parking lot that he's been to many times before. He found it after an hour. Later that very same day he asked me when this year's Super Bowl was. I told him it already happened this year and for a bit he didn't believe me but eventually he remembered that it was this year.
Later in April he had another dream about how his former employer had an employee appreciation day Busch Gardens (a theme park here in Tampa) for employees and their families where they get free admission for that day and he asked if I wanted to go. I told him it was just a dream and he agreed.
He also had accidentally locked himself out of the house like five or six times over the past two months when he stepped out for a little bit to do an outside chore like take out the trash. This never really happened before the past two months.
Other than that he hasn't had any real trouble with things. He can talk normally and follow conversations normally the vast majority of the time. He also has no trouble driving anywhere.
But, just to determine what is going on, he had an appointment earlier today with his doctor for a memory test. I didn't go with him but he told all of the above information (he actually had a piece of paper with all of that written on it) to the doctor and the doctor also had him take him a memory test.
After the appointment, dad told me how it went and he said that the doctor really diagnosed him with dementia or Alzheimer's. Like the doctor never said that he has those things but in their long conversation the word "dementia" but it wasn't an official diagnosis. She said that whatever he has it's very mild right now. She seemed upbeat during the whole appointment and wasn't solemn at all. In fact, she was very glad that he came to get help because she said that most people don't come until the major warning signs start appearing. Hell, even he was in a good mood when he was telling how the appointment went!
So, she prescribed him Donepezil. The official description for that drug says that it is primarily used for the treatment of dementia associated with Alzheimer's disease and has FDA approval for use in mild, moderate, and severe stages of the disease. But like I said before, the word "Alzheimer's" never came up during their conversation. He has another appointment in three weeks.
So like, what exactly am I supposed to think here? Should I be worried? Cause right now my heart is racing. I can't seem to process all this right now. Is it possible he just has regular cognitive impairment from just aging and the doc prescribed him Donepezil as some sort of precautionary measure (even though Donepezil doesn't cure dementia and just simply slows it down a bit if he indeed does have dementia)?
I don't know who to turn to for support other than my mom. I don't have a wife or kids.
Thanks for reading!

Missy loved to shop.
No, she wasn't one of those spoiled brats buying up all the Jimmy Choos on Rodeo. She was sensible, practical; a thrifter. There hadn't been a garage, yard or estate sale in a 20 mile area she didn't ravage. Twice a week, if not more, she would rampage through every clearance aisle in town. No Goodwill or Salvation Army was safe either. "The Circuit," her kids who didn't understand her compulsion always called it.
The only thing Missy enjoyed more than buying stuff was keeping it.
Over time, her home had become a certifiable death trap. Boxes of outdated appliances stacked high atop every seating surface, unrelinquished clothes filled up every square centimeter of every closet and a smorgasbord of cheap nick-nacks had eventually added up to an expensive collection that was worth nothing.
Guests had been few and far, including her children. Brian hadn't even called her since that wife of his broke her ankle walking to the bathroom. Missy always assumed she was faking it on her son's orders to make her feel guilty. At least they didn't bother her anymore. Cortney was on a mission to take everything away from her. Didn't she realize this was all gonna be hers one day? Was it so hard to be grateful? It wasn't like she was covered in dog shit and roaches. This was good, clean stuff.
"It's us or the shit," the daughter gave her an ultimatum one day.
The repeated warnings started going to voicemail. Very worried and even angrier, Cortney drove the two hours for an emergency intervention she planned on the fly. The traumatic memories of living in a cluttered home flooded back the entire route. The dad who gave up, the embarrassment of lying to friends, Thanksgiving gatherings cut short so mom could pregame for her decimation of Kohl's. That was even before Black Friday was even a thing. That was all that mattered. That was all she talked about. In Missy's world, whoever had the most stuff won.
"Jesus," her brother recoiled in repulsion upon breaking down the door, nearly getting side-swiped by three long unused mops in the process.
Their rotted mother sat on the lone unoccupied spot of the crammed sofa, her tissue fused with a bin full of frayed cords, a giant pile of DVD cases (most missing the discs,) and periodicals dating back to the Clinton Years. Missy, or what used to be Missy, demanded their exit, already sensing their disapproval. The called squad was scared off by the squelch and the yelp of pain upon picking up a piece of the assimilation.
City officials are too scared to condemn Missy's Museum of Massive Miscellany to this very day. Years have passed and even the vermin stay away. This doesn't bother the inhabitant. She may be the only one in there but she would never be alone.

its like 9 am for me rn woke up at 6, got a healhy 4 hours of sleep. anyways i kinda just wanted to talk about something rq about i pretty much have lost most of my friends over the past years since i got out of highschool. they had it coming, snake ass mfs wanted to ditch one of our friends dispute him being there for us through thick and thin. anyways i kinda used to be a incel? i guess i wasnt like a neo nazi or anything i was just a loser playing hoi4 and minecraft all day. in november i got into the gym which is nice, spend less time now at home speaking of which is often. I cant find a job anywere, and im going to have to likely go to work with my dad in the summer which isnt bad just alot of work but also a alot of money. i have dreams, most of which are going into the financial sector, as you can see my grammer and spelling is just really fucking bad, no idea why im 18m btw and it looks like a 9 year old. i saw this quote a few days ago saying "live your life like your father was dead" on real note this hits 2 cords the first one being a kinda love it, and i wouldnt wanna face him after i failed at something he told me not to do. one the 2nd cord being that he one day may die, he drinks like 4 beers a day used to be way more, his brother died at like 60ish? idk that was when i was in 6th grade, on top of that he has told me many times he is going to die. i feel like hes depressed since im not doing well in life. my mom is kinda diffrent, i will always respect her but shes kinda just stupid, and with that cant see that shes wrong. as i have got older i have realized every "bad" thing shes done she was just acting out of anger or just didnt understand. my sisters one doesnt matter, i will never talk to her again, the other is wonderful, good future she helps me out alot with school stuff and i really wish she does well for me and she wishs well for me aswell. shes not around much anymore as shes busy with school i cant blame her shes not my mom anyways. in the way of friends i mostly just chill with my true og ill call t, t was the one i talked about before, i also chill quite alot with one of my cousins. to make it worse canada kinda been in a economic rut since 2020, house prices have skyrocked over the last 10 year in this area from what was 500k for one to 1.4 million over the last 15 years or so. girls are kinda weird to me, i dont really like them per say, i have never had a crush on one in my entire life, from what im guessing some have had a crush on me, im not really unattractive anymore. im built alot better and am fairly tall at like 6'1, i just dont form a crush. i think i might also post this on trueoffmychest

I’m an introverted person that usually has a no-emotion expression even though I do feel a lot, sometimes even more than I let out, and I have a slow response to everything that happens around me. I have a hard time admitting that I’m wrong or planning things and I procrastinate a lot. I am reserved and a private person who loves my comfort zone. And I hate making calls with people I don’t get along with. I have a terrible short-term memory and I have difficulties remembering people’s names. I get angry or moody easily. I prefer to take things slow and consider all the options before making a decision, so people around me usually think that I look like a robot. Most of the times I find myself daydreaming, talking to myself or thinking about something so intensely that I forget about my surroundings. I am very shy with strangers but when you get to know me I can be pretty wild and funny. I sometimes experiment what people call analysis paralysis. I’ve been taking mbti tests and trying to find out more about cognitive functions for years, but I have not been able to set my mind on a specific type. I am about to start university and I’m thinking about getting my degree on physics or an engeneering. My parents have always been very controlling and protective, (I think my dad is an ISTJ and my mom is an ENFP) sometimes to the point they manipulated who my friends were, but they were open-minded in many ways, such as my interests or religion. They never forced me to do anything I really disliked except practicing sports, which I didn’t want to try because I would have to deal with people and I didn’t know how to. I always try to make my decisions based on my beliefs and logical reasoning. When making an important decision I always brainstorm every possibility that I can think of and then try to set my mind on one option, which is difficult to me sometimes as I never stop questioning the benefits of the other ones that I didn’t choose and sometimes that can lead to feelings of regret or not having made the best decision. And finally, I am usually considered to be a socially awkward person and somewhat weird as I don’t follow some social norms as they don’t make any sense or I just simply don’t care. My friends find me sometimes difficult to figure out or have a hard time understanding the connections I make, but fortunately we share similar sense of humor. People tell me I should open up more and talk about what I feel and also leave my bedroom more often or be aware of my surroundings. My biggest fear would be losing my loved ones or not living my life to the fullest and be happy.

I have asked him time and time again to not talk about his family in front of me. He continues to try and vent or just talk about his problematic family members in passing. I don’t give a fuck if your malignant narcissist demon mother went to lunch with your enabler bitch sister!!!
I went NC with both of them for very good reasons. Verbal abuse, physical harm attempts, just plain evilness and insanity. I have a running list a mile long of the shit his mother has pulled. It’s like he gets amnesia and then will occasionally get pissed off at all of them and it seems like we’re on the same team for a few weeks until we’re not again. I don’t understand the back and forth. Sometimes the fog is completely gone and sometimes it’s like he’s a puppet spewing the words of his mother out of his own mouth. His sister enables the absolute shit out of her and is the golden child and her biggest fan. It’s sickening.
I had to report his mother for taking advantage of his father who has memory problems. She is getting rid of his things like he’s already dead because he’s having health issues that she is making much worse by convincing him to ignore it. She keeps trying to give his stuff away to SO saying “dad can’t do that anymore anyway”. I told him to ask him if he wanted to get rid of it and he said no and was upset and had NO idea she was trying to get rid of his things. She blamed it on his memory issues. This ALONE should be enough for him to go NC but he fucking refuses and it’s making me angrier every day. If this were my mother I’d rescue my dad and never talk to her again. He just ignores EVERYTHING she does.
The last time we got in a fight when I said I didn’t want to hear about them he screamed “fine I’ll just pretend like they’re dead then!” Like yeah that’s kind of the point please do that. I’m so fucking fed up with his shit and insistence in burying his head in the fucking sand. I really wonder what would make him go NC? What would she have to do? When is enough enough??? He’s in therapy and even his therapist and mine have said there’s something seriously wrong with her. Before Mother’s Day he was on my side and I don’t know what happened.

Not sure where to start with this so I’ll just put it out there. I think my father is abusive towards my mother and I have conflicting feelings towards him. I came across this post a while ago where it said something along the lines of “I loved him as a daughter but I couldn’t love him as a woman” and it hit home. I wasn’t sure in the moment why I felt such a rush of emotions when I came across that post, but after giving it some time, I realized it spoke to me because that’s how I feel towards my dad.
My parents have a traditional marriage. Dad is the money maker and mom is the homemaker. There is a huge power imbalance within their marriage. My dad has done everything for us. Has sacrificed a lot and I’ll always recognize that.. but no amount of sacrifices on his part will outweigh his shitty treatment of my mom. He has never hit her (best to my knowledge) however, he talks down to her. Talks to her like she’s stupid. Tells her that he regrets marrying her. Swears at her, insults her, belittles her (in public and private), threatens her with divorce, uses religion to threaten her and say he’ll take on a 2nd wife, and has basically stripped away any and all self confidence she ever had. And what makes me even more mad and frustrated is that my mom just takes it. She won’t say anything back. Ever. She’ll obv get upset and I’ve seen her cry countless times, but she’ll never say anything back to him.
She excuses his behaviour by saying that he puts food on the table and a roof over our heads and we should be grateful for that. And that shit enrages me to no end. He has no right to treat anyone, especially his own wife, in that manner just bc he’s providing. Im 25 and so I’ve grown up seeing this shit and I know it has impacted me in all the negative ways. I hate to even think that my father is abusive.. I almost feel so guilty and ungrateful for feeling the way I feel because he provides for us all.. but I can’t help the way I feel. And yes, my parents are the kind that think staying in a shitty marriage “just for the kids” is better than being divorced… because shitty marriages have never affected kids (sarcasm).
So I ask you: 1. What do you think of the quote I posted in the title 2. How is your relationship with your father? 3. Is my dad actually abusive or am I thinking about it all wrong? 4. Am I wrong to feel a level of hate towards him?

For the past three years I've been living in an RV on my parents property. My mom has cancer and my dad works full-time, so its pretty nice being close by if they need anything, not to mention how much cheaper it is. It's connected to electricity, water and sewage, in great condition too.
Well, about 3 months ago we had a minor earthquake(southern california) and it collapsed my parents gas line, from the street all the way to the house. My dad repaired it over the course of 2 weeks. In that time they had no hot water and none if their gas appliances worked. So having the rv for showers and cooking worked out during the repairs. The problem lies with the gas inspector that came out to check the line. My dad got into a verbal argument with him, not once but three times. Gas inspector had to come back out three different times, finally passing on the last visit. He refused to quote which code my dad wasn't inline with(he was) dude was just a genuine dick. Two weeks later we had a city code enforcement worker come out and cite me for "camping", saying a neighbor complained (we know none did) and that I'm not allowed to live in my rv on the property, it's against city code. Looked it up and they're right, I get that part. I moved in with my boyfriend. The city worker did an exterior inspection after unplugging the rv from all utilities, and is now saying they need to do an interior inspection to close the case? I'm obviously not comfortable with this, and am tired of catering to their retaliation. I'm at a loss

A little trigger warning. Nothing graphic but this is my dark space.
I’m from a family of devout Catholics and I hate praying. I believe in God and love Him with all my heart but my mind wonders into unwanted memories/thoughts from meditating/rosary.
We were praying the rosary and I got a flashback. I can’t shake it off; every detail was so vivid. I can still feel the pain that I felt. My memory started where I entered a room and mom and dad were fighting. My mom would lock my brother and I up in the room with her. Night will come and no lights will be lit. We cant go to the bathroom nor eat for the day. Heck, we cant even talk nor play. I can only stare into the nothingness/darkness. It was so quiet yet it was so loud and I felt the pressure in my ears building up . I was young and I can’t say anything or she’ll get mad. It’s a petty fight and my dad wont barge in and “rescue” us. It occurred multiple times but it last only for a day.
This is the reason why I doubt that I have mental health issues or trauma bc it’s not as horrendous as others but it suffocates me. The thought of being stuck in a dark room haunts me. I think this is the root of my OCD and anxiety. I wish I could erase this in my mind.

[TW: talks of SA] I (26f) recently cut all contact with my mom (50f). For 20 years of my life she stayed with my dad who is most definitely a narcissist. She knew very much about the abuse and continued to stay no matter how much I begged her to leave. She had the means to do so and at one point we did leave. For a year, before she took him back and they bought a house together. I begged her not to get back together with him, but she did. I never really thought of my mom as a narcissist, only a victim because of the abuse my dad inflicted on the both of us. He would pin us against each other constantly, so when I was finally kicked out at 18 my mom and I got to experience a relationship without him for the first time. Not long after, they got divorced because the abuse was no longer distributed and was solely focused on her.
When my mom moved out on her own she promised that I would always have a room and a key to any house that she lived in (which has never actually happened because my room has been given away to her boyfriends child who rarely visits). After group and individual therapy things seemed to have gotten better between us. But not long after my mom and dads divorce she immediately got into a relationship. 6 years later she wants to break up with him due to him using her for money and some dangerous behaviors like playing with guns while drunk and punching holes in her walls. She has come to me for advice and reassurance about this decision (which she did to me as a kid with my dad). I have told her it’s more than the right thing to do, and in fact, my child and I won’t be going to her house until this man is gone.
On Mother’s Day (the day before he was supposed to move out) she got back together with him and didn’t tell me until I got on FaceTime with her and saw him at a family gathering I was going to be heading over to. Where she decided to finally tell me that he was in fact staying. She then proceeded to say we can talk about this later and hung up. She knows I won’t show up where this man is, and invited him to Mother’s Day with our family without telling me so I could decide if I was going or not. I reminded her through text my son and I won’t be coming over anymore and I will not be talking to her until he was gone completely. The next day she posted her vacation with him on Instagram and I blocked her on everything.
I booked an emergency appointment with my therapist because of the immediate wave of PTSD I was experiencing from my dad. This brought up so many memories of abuse and her constantly choosing him over me and our safety. All these years she’s told me the reason we didn’t leave was because she was afraid he was going to gain some sort of custody and the only way to protect me was if she was there. But she wasn’t. Her job required her to fly around the country constantly where I was left at home alone with him for some times a week at a time. She never believed any of the abuse I was telling her was happening and continued to take his word for it.
After cutting her off I’ve realized just how toxic she truly was. Anything I ever told her was used against me to gain favoritism with my dad. When I came out to her as bi I told her not to tell my dad because I wanted to wait until he was in a good mood to tell him and she told him that night. My mom has knowingly had sex with my dad in the same room as me multiple times while I was a child. She informed my aunt that I was thinking about taking legal action against my dad (who she knows will tell my dad) for what he did to me as a kid (SA) which she also informed my aunt every detail of. As a child I was never allowed to express myself. I was only allowed to do my hair or wear clothes that she liked (the color or style). She never showed up to my events at school and she doesn’t even know my favorite color or care about any allergies I have. She’ll make dinner for the family and include things I am allergic to. When I talk on the phone with her it feels like she’s waiting to talk about herself and the second I talk about me suddenly she’s too busy to talk. She never respects any boundaries I set for my child when he’s stayed over or even when I’m around. She never wants to learn about my interests but I definitely know hers which include getting mad when I don’t want to go shopping with her for hours on end, knowing I’m broke. The only good things about her that I can remember are when she would buy me things because that was her only way of connecting with me.
The reason I’m asking if she’s a narcissist or just toxic is because I have this idea of a narcissist exhibiting all of the behaviors of my dad. Not everything about her is bad, but the things that are, are BAD. I’m just now coming to terms with my mom’s behavior and whether or not she was just abused for so long that she’s just a victim or if she’s been a narcissist too all along.

I was discussing on another community about game industry and gacha games in general. It is widelly assumed that gacha games are an easy way to make a quick bucks. Which I won't deny sharing the opinion. However, someone pointed out that it also brings Exposure. Gachas are a way to make game startup companies/studios known in this day and age.
By now, I'm sure everyone here knows of MiHoYo/HoYoverse. Whom made Honkai Impact 3rd, Genshin Impact and Honkai Star Rail, among other gacha/mobile games. However, there was something I didn't know about the company. Their first games weren't free gachas games, but games with an actual price tags. However, it seems those games didn't bring much profit due to piracy. I don't know if those games were considered good, but, from what I've understood, those games sells number definitely did not help the company have a good start.
I'm not really smart, so I'll resume the line of though (and vague memory of arguments others pointed out at the time) that bring me to this question in bullet point.

• 29-30 march 2023, Crunchyroll anounced the EoS of the Global version of Princess Connect Re:Dive
• According to the schedule (based on JP hisctory) in more than one month Kokkoro (a very popular character) would have seen the release of her "Princess form" unit.
• (Theory) Possibly due to the news hitting the Kokkoro's fan (a vast majority of the community, if I'm not mistaking) harder, the backlash of the announcement is heavy.
• However, when looking at the sells, it wouldn't be unexpected from Crunchyroll to vault the game, as it wasn't nearly as successful as in Japan. Most likely due to the meta already being known leading to generally less expanse from the players
  • I myself skipped banners, unless they were for meta, collabs or limited-time units I really wanted
  • I think someone even called it from the very beginning, that the game wouldn't work so well.
• Due to the backlash and people bringing up Crunchyroll past history in vaulting games after a 1-2 years, they made the mistake to remove that info from their website. Leading to a bigger backlash from the community.
• That poor decision, is what makes the story bigger than it actually is. + the fact that they were about to release a gacha based on a more successful (non-anime, and in quote "less niche") franchise.
• Since Crunchyroll doesn't need exposure, as much as startup companies need it, they were loosing more than they were gaining from Princess Connect.

Had Crunchyroll made the announcement a few months later, after the hype for Princess Kokkoro died down, would the resulting (first) backlash had be more, less or as severe?
As I said, what really was the problem is how they choose to deal with the first backlash, by removing all mentions of the vaulted games. Though this was in response to how the people choose to paint a bad portrait of them following the EoS announcement. The second backlash seems to have kept the embers from the first from dying out sooner than it actually did.
If you think I'm mistaking about something, please feel free to share your view.

Recently I have been doing poorly to say the least. In the past week I made some discoveries about why I behave in certain ways and how it stem from my childhood. I am normally very good at regulating my emotions but this week has been terrible. I've been annoyed way easier than I should be and for the past few days I've struggled to get out of bed. I pushed myself to go out and hangout with people but I feel absolutely miserable. Partially because in my friend groups I'm always the mediator and the one who takes lead and makes plans. But right now it's all too much. Staying inside sucks, going outside sucks, being with friends sucks. A big reason for this is partially due to my parents. I currently live with my parents and, my dad was and is still very verbally abusive and demeaning. He previously was physically abusive but he doesn't do that anymore. He is blatantly homophobic and well I'm gay. He says he does these things out of love and the thing that sucks is he wholeheartedly believes it. Living my life knowing that I'm not good enough for him to change hurts. He's said that he doesn't support gay marriage and wouldn't attend my wedding if i get married. And the kids would not be part of the family. I'm not even sure what to do here. I've discussed things with him once or twice but i feel the conversation leaning in a bad direction (He starts quoting bible quotes or talks badly about the current generation). I don't think there i anything i can do. And that's the worst part of all. I really want to have a relationship with my father and when I look at other happy families It makes me jealous that they have something I might never be able to achieve. Is there something, anything I can do to make this work?

This story isn’t very sad I guess more so just to me but I thought I’d share anyways. When I was in my first year of middle school I was in a new district where I didn’t know anyone. I was fairly smart for that age and I found all of my work to be fairly easy. I started strongly disliking school do to how lonely I was and just stopped trying in class. Grades dropped down to D’s and F’s and my dad (who’s a “you must have perfect grades” kind of guy) was furious. Last trimester I decided to lock down and get my work done. I managed to surpass everybody in my grade getting straight A’s nothing under a 97%. At the end of the year I was presented with A honor roll and a bumper sticker to give my dad. I was so damn happy and proud of myself and was just so excited to show my dad I did it. But when I got home and handed him the bumper sticker he looked at it and just said and I quote, “No this isn’t correct, your school must have gave you this by mistake you don’t deserve this” and threw it away in the trash. It honestly broke me, I worked so damn hard (as hard as a 6th grader could) and just wanted him to put that sticker on his car and say he’s proud of me. I brought it up to him a little bit ago and he just acted like he didn’t remember. As I said not that sad but it stings a little.

Her affair actually ended. She had lied to me and told me it had ended months earlier. She wanted to apologize. The divorce is in the works. Court date at the end of the month.
I wasn’t sure about meeting with her. Every time we met/talked it absolutely ruined my week. I reluctantly agreed.
She informed me that she has come out of a fog and she realizes how poorly she had treated me. She said that she is worried that she may have ruined any chance at an amicable relationship for our son.
I started to get upset and she couldn’t deal with it. She got up and left. Nothing has changed. I have never been given the grace to express my negative emotions. I have always had to walk on eggshells.
I sat reflecting on the experience and I thought I don’t need to be giving of myself to someone who keeps hurting me.
Throughout this whole order Al, I have never raised my voice, if I wasn’t crying, I have remained cool and calm around her.
I got so angry that she came to apologize and didn’t give me to opportunity to be mad at her. This is upsetting. Being mad is what a normal person would be in this situation.
I sent her this message (this is the first message I have ever sent her about our relationship)
“Here is everything I wanted to say to you tonight.
Damn you for blowing up our family and Meng’s family. Things weren’t easy, but they were objectively better than a year prior. We were in a hard season of our marriage. Just look back at all the fucking major life stressors. Baby, moving, new jobs…1,2,3 of the hardest things for couples to whether. You threw it all away so you could have butterflies and tingles. Then you went back and Cherry-picked all the bad shit and rolled it up into a beautiful affair justification. I believe that you were struggling before you cheated, but even your stories aren’t consistent. You didn’t want to end our marriage until you fucked John.
I wasn’t “happy” either Keri. You hadn’t approached me for intimacy either. I longed for it, but it felt gross being the only one to make advances. Every time I tried to bring it up, you would clam up and shut down, so I didn’t want to upset you and somehow make it worse. I maybe brought up our sex life 4 or 5 times over the course of our marriage and you shut down that conversation every time. It was better for me to live a life without the expectation of sex and maintain a loving relationship with my partner rather than risk upsetting you with another attempt at “the talk”.
I never wanted a sexless marriage, but I was willing to compromise. Yes, marriage is about compromise. I tried to make connection with you, I did everything we talked about in therapy. I called you during the day, I rubbed your feet on the couch, I came to bed with you most nights to talk hoping you would give me a signal that you wanted to be intimate. I’m glad you were able to find someone you wanted to have sex with.
I couldn’t get openly upset at anything (especially you) and tell you how I felt because you shut down and withdraw. You do it to you mom. You do it to your dad. I know because I talked to them more often than you did. You did it tonight! As soon as it became uncomfortable, you just left. Everyone who loves you has to walk on fucking egg-shells or else Keri is going to walk away.
I wasn’t perfectly happy either and I had nurses throwing themselves at me since we set foot in a hospital. I managed not to fuck anyone else. I SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN EVERY TIME. let me know if you want specific examples. I could even give you names.
You say you were miserable like that is some kind of excuse. If you were so miserable then you should have just ended the marriage and not fucked John and caused me the most incomprehensible suffering and pain.
You also were unfaithful to Our son when you chose to do this. You robbed him of the chance to have an intact family for your crotch tingles.
You can tell yourself whatever story you need to live with yourself. Go ahead and tell yourself that this doesn’t count as an affair since you were already over the marriage. Make me out to be some awful person. I known you can’t be the villain in your own story apparently. You have written yourself into the hero or victim roll. I was there for all the gaslighting and blame shifting. I remember when you said “I don’t let you be your true self”. What the fuck is that. What a stretch. I never once discouraged you from doing anything you wanted or liked. I supported your every endeavor. I watched your child as you went off to conferences to fuck other men. I know that you 100% believe it. You’ve gaslighted yourself. You’ve reinvented and reshaped your reality and story to make it more palatable.
I am not a bad person, father, or husband, but I was quite broken. Predominantly due to emotional and physical abandonment in our marriage.
You seldom said “I love you” unless I said it first. You seldom expressed appreciation for the things I contributed. You did often suggest that it wasn’t enough, or that I was missing the mark. You broke me down. What I needed was for you to come to me and tell me you were concerned. Instead you were inpatient and irritated. When I was anxious or sad, you were irritated and wanted me to figure out my own shit. I was lonely as hell.
As I said, and seemingly so offensive to you, initially I had never felt as loved and as appreciated by another person before you. (I believe you said it made you feel “vapid”). In addition to your other amazing qualities at the time, your love and devotion was reassuring and made me feel safe and secure. It set you apart from every other person I had ever met. I remember thinking that I had never really known what true love was until I met you. I genuinely felt like I had found my missing piece, my other half.
When that went away, I started to get sick. I mistakenly related my self-worth to what you thought of me. When you stopped appreciating me, I plummeted. Once our son was born, it seemed like I couldn’t do anything right by you. That is a hard place to exist in.
I made WILLING sacrifices for our family, but they were sacrifices nonetheless. You have to appreciate, my life is absolutely not where I wanted it so that you could have what you wanted. Fuck! I am such a fucking chump. I didn’t put up a fight at all. I wanted California, you said no. I wanted Oregon, you said no. I wanted to stay in Philidelphia, you said no. You wanted West Virginia and I said Ok. I never put up a fight because you would most assuredly shut down.
I am a good man. I have good morals. I am committed. I have my faults and struggles and I’m not perfect, but I’m a hell of a father and I loved you. You said it yourself that you would never have to worry about me cheating on you.
I think you feel guilt. You expressed that tonight, but I don’t think you feel remorse. You weren’t asking for forgiveness. I’m fact, you preemptively said that you didn’t expect it!
I am so unbelievably sad, angry, and betrayed. I would have been willing to work through anything (even the fucking infidelity!) to preserve our family. You’re naive if you think you can hurt someone this bad and then get the relationship you want and on your terms.
You also destroyed all the good memories I had of us. I can’t look back on our marriage without seeing through the lens of suspicion. I don’t even know what was real. I know what I felt was real and that’s about it.
You probably have already stopped reading this and I’m 100% sure you’re not brave enough to respond. I have held back for nearly 6 months and I can’t anymore. What you did was fucking terrible. It is the worst thing anyone has ever done to me. It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I never knew this depth of sorrow was possible. Washing someone’s dishes while they planned their next conference-fuck-fest via text standing 6ft away from me. Crying because my entire world was falling apart and seeing the look of irritation on your face as you walk silently by. Barely holding on to existence and having to psych myself up because you had invited friends over for dinner and when I said I couldn’t do it, you said “do whatever you want”. You fucking hated me for reasons you invented. You were working as hard as you could to villainize me to live with yourself. The absolute contempt and complete loss of respect you had to have for me. Do yourself a favor and pick up a book on infidelity. Everything you did was ON SCRIPT! You’ll learn a lot about yourself. It takes a special broken person to cheat.
I’m climbing out to the other side of this one rung at a time. Your going to see a complete different person that isn’t going to be walked all over and taken advantage of. I will not be a doormat. I will speak my mind. I will not be afraid to stand up for the things that I want and need to be happy and healthy.
You are losing a really good man. Maybe you’ll never realize that. Maybe you don’t give a fuck. Maybe it’s not even a loss to you. I am the fucking prize here Keri. I am a smart, charming, motivated, good looking, and now fit/healthy surgeon who is an excellent father and wants more kids. I am the fucking prize. You don’t see that for some reason.
I’m around if you want to talk.
Kind regards,
Me

If you want, you can see my previous very long post about our breakup for more details (this one will also probably be pretty long tbh). Everyone’s comments along with a few therapy sessions made me realize how one sided our relationship was. I’ve been in much longer and more committed relationships than this one, and had much worse breakups all things considered. But I’ve never felt like this. I know that grief isn’t a linear process. It comes in waves. However, I’ve always prided myself on being calm and collected even in the worst of times. I managed to hold it together pretty well when I lost my dad a year and a half ago, and worked through that in a healthy way. Why can’t I do that now? It’s been a month and a half. This should be so much smaller in the grand scheme of things.
I saw her yesterday at the grocery store, we were using self checkouts right next to each other. We ended up basically walking out together. I think she noticed me and just tried to pretend I didn’t exist. I immediately felt sick to my stomach, with this mix of deep sadness and anger. It took everything I had not to fall apart right then and there. I couldn’t eat dinner, and still managed to puke when I got home and then again in the middle of the night after waking up from a dream about us.
A realization that I had after my last post is how little she would compromise on things. A few of you that said that I was a doormat, and you’re right. I somehow let so many things slip that I shouldn’t have. It was her first serious relationship, she wasn’t used to having to compromise much. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She asked so much of me, maybe too much, and I gave to her maybe too freely. But the few times that I asked things of her, she’d almost always say no.
I wanted to watch Home Alone over Christmas. It was a tradition that I shared with my dad, some of my earliest memories are about that. I wanted to continue that tradition and I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone, so I asked her to watch it with me. I explained how important it was. She refused, time after time, every stay at home date we had between Thanksgiving and New Years. She went on rants about how traditions are stupid, and how she hates movies about kids (yet we watched the Harry Potter movies at her request, the first few are made by the same people that made Home Alone). It’s like she didn’t even hear me asking for support when I needed her, she only heard that I was asking her to put up with something she didn’t like for an hour and a half. On the other hand, I never said no to her.
This played out time and time again, in small and big ways. My mom was going to give us the money for our dream vacation to Ireland. All she wanted in return was a nice picture of us in front of something recognizably Irish, a castle or something. She was doing this incredibly nice thing for us, and just asked for that one thing. She just wanted to see me happy, traveling the world with the person I love, after having to give up the last 4 years of my life dealing with my dad’s illness (along with losing all of my grandparents and 2 uncles in the same timeframe) But my ex didn’t like having her picture taken. She would put up with it for friends and family, but if I asked her? Never. We have 3 pictures together, all of which are shitty group photos with her friends. Can’t even tell we were a couple.
Then there’s the big thing that led to our breakup. She wanted me to anticipate her needs without her needing to say them. She hated when I asked how best to help her when she was struggling and overwhelmed, saying that I needed to show initiative. She talked a lot about “mental loads” and such. I tried to support her as much as possible (often doing too much, as many of you said), but sometimes I’d miss the mark. She’d get so frustrated with me, and we’d sit down and talk things out. She’d tell me all of these things she needed from me, and I genuinely put in so much effort trying to work on it.
The only thing that I asked for in return is if I missed the mark, to please guide me to what she needed. I did it all the time for her, she was honestly awful at supporting me. If I was venting, had a bad day, all she’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. Not even a kiss or a hug. I had to show her how I needed support. I never got mad or frustrated, I recognized this was something we had to communicate about and it was my job to open that communication.
So when we’d have those conversations about how she needed support, and she was asking all of these things of me that felt like mind reading, all I asked of her was to do what I did when she missed the mark. Just that one little thing to save our relationship. It was nothing compared to what she was asking from me, and it was for her own benefit. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I begged her time and time again. But instead of listening and guiding me to what she needed, she did the exact opposite. Full silent treatment at the very first text of support from me, because she wanted something more/different.
That refusal to compromise ruined everything. I know anger is part of the stages of grief, but I’m just so angry all the time. I know you can’t tell based off of what was said here and in my other post, she is genuinely a great person. She didn’t do any of this maliciously. I don’t believe that she’s evil. But I can’t help but to look at all the work I put in vs all the work that she put in, after being told that I wasn’t doing enough and she was putting more effort into the relationship. Being told that she didn't know me when she didn't seem to put in the effort to know me. Being told that it's my fault we didn't have a plan for the future, when I was always bringing it up and she was always shooting me down. Is this what gaslighting is? None of it makes sense and it's driving me insane.
I don’t even know if I’m more angry at her or myself. Should have I been more proactive? Enforced stronger boundaries? Been more clear in what I needed from her? I don’t know. Maybe I am just a doormat. I just know that I hate feeling like this. I don’t want to be that guy that’s angry and bitter about their ex, and I’m terrified that’s exactly what I’m becoming.

If you want, you can see my previous very long post about our breakup for more details (this one will also probably be pretty long tbh). Everyone’s comments along with a few therapy sessions made me realize how one sided our relationship was. I’ve been in much longer and more committed relationships than this one, and had much worse breakups all things considered. But I’ve never felt like this. I know that grief isn’t a linear process. It comes in waves. However, I’ve always prided myself on being calm and collected even in the worst of times. I managed to hold it together pretty well when I lost my dad a year and a half ago, and worked through that in a healthy way. Why can’t I do that now? It’s been a month and a half. This should be so much smaller in the grand scheme of things.
I saw her yesterday at the grocery store, we were using self checkouts right next to each other. We ended up basically walking out together. I think she noticed me and just tried to pretend I didn’t exist. I immediately felt sick to my stomach, with this mix of deep sadness and anger. It took everything I had not to fall apart right then and there. I couldn’t eat dinner, and still managed to puke when I got home and then again in the middle of the night after waking up from a dream about us.
A realization that I had after my last post is how little she would compromise on things. A few of you that said that I was a doormat, and you’re right. I somehow let so many things slip that I shouldn’t have. It was her first serious relationship, she wasn’t used to having to compromise much. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She asked so much of me, maybe too much, and I gave to her maybe too freely. But the few times that I asked things of her, she’d almost always say no.
I wanted to watch Home Alone over Christmas. It was a tradition that I shared with my dad, some of my earliest memories are about that. I wanted to continue that tradition and I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone, so I asked her to watch it with me. I explained how important it was. She refused, time after time, every stay at home date we had between Thanksgiving and New Years. She went on rants about how traditions are stupid, and how she hates movies about kids (yet we watched the Harry Potter movies at her request, the first few are made by the same people that made Home Alone). It’s like she didn’t even hear me asking for support when I needed her, she only heard that I was asking her to put up with something she didn’t like for an hour and a half. On the other hand, I never said no to her.
This played out time and time again, in small and big ways. My mom was going to give us the money for our dream vacation to Ireland. All she wanted in return was a nice picture of us in front of something recognizably Irish, a castle or something. She was doing this incredibly nice thing for us, and just asked for that one thing. She just wanted to see me happy, traveling the world with the person I love, after having to give up the last 4 years of my life dealing with my dad’s illness (along with losing all of my grandparents and 2 uncles in the same timeframe) But my ex didn’t like having her picture taken. She would put up with it for friends and family, but if I asked her? Never. We have 3 pictures together, all of which are shitty group photos with her friends. Can’t even tell we were a couple.
Then there’s the big thing that led to our breakup. She wanted me to anticipate her needs without her needing to say them. She hated when I asked how best to help her when she was struggling and overwhelmed, saying that I needed to show initiative. She talked a lot about “mental loads” and such. I tried to support her as much as possible (often doing too much, as many of you said), but sometimes I’d miss the mark. She’d get so frustrated with me, and we’d sit down and talk things out. She’d tell me all of these things she needed from me, and I genuinely put in so much effort trying to work on it.
The only thing that I asked for in return is if I missed the mark, to please guide me to what she needed. I did it all the time for her, she was honestly awful at supporting me. If I was venting, had a bad day, all she’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. Not even a kiss or a hug. I had to show her how I needed support. I never got mad or frustrated, I recognized this was something we had to communicate about and it was my job to open that communication.
So when we’d have those conversations about how she needed support, and she was asking all of these things of me that felt like mind reading, all I asked of her was to do what I did when she missed the mark. Just that one little thing to save our relationship. It was nothing compared to what she was asking from me, and it was for her own benefit. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I begged her time and time again. But instead of listening and guiding me to what she needed, she did the exact opposite. Full silent treatment at the very first text of support from me, because she wanted something more/different.
That refusal to compromise ruined everything. I know anger is part of the stages of grief, but I’m just so angry all the time. I know you can’t tell based off of what was said here and in my other post, she is genuinely a great person. She didn’t do any of this maliciously. I don’t believe that she’s evil. But I can’t help but to look at all the work I put in vs all the work that she put in, after being told that I wasn’t doing enough and she was putting more effort into the relationship. Being told that she didn't know me when she didn't seem to put in the effort to know me. Being told that it's my fault we didn't have a plan for the future, when I was always bringing it up and she was always shooting me down. Is this what gaslighting is? None of it makes sense and it's driving me insane.
I don’t even know if I’m more angry at her or myself. Should have I been more proactive? Enforced stronger boundaries? Been more clear in what I needed from her? I don’t know. Maybe I am just a doormat. I just know that I hate feeling like this. I don’t want to be that guy that’s angry and bitter about their ex, and I’m terrified that’s exactly what I’m becoming.

This is gonna be a long and personal one. If you do read it, I appreciate it. I absolutely understand if you don’t though. With that all being said, I’m hoping Gabriel sees this.
I had my fourth call today with LM nearly two hours ago now (yes, it’s taken this long for or me to find the ‘right’ words). We went through more directions and not to give anything away, but I was surprised and confused a bit (may make another post with spoilers to ask here about it to see if anyone else has had the same happen to them, we’ll see). It was a nice distraction. I then tried to make an appointment. We talked of family for a moment. It was nice to remember something that I didn’t for a very, very long time.
As the call went on, my mind trailed to my father. (TW: Intense medical procedure). He’s currently in a hospital out of state still recovering from a double lung transplant he had a week ago. The first time I got to talk with him since the surgery happened was yesterday. It’s already been a long six year process. I didn’t realize just how long of a road it would still be until I heard my dad’s voice last night.
To further explain— I have a high functioning auditory memory. I am able to remember and recall the sounds and/or voices that I hear for long periods of time (which can sometimes be up to years in my case). Voices, music, etc. tend to mean a lot to me. So, I was shocked and a bit heartbroken when I realized that my dad didn’t sound or even process some things the same as he used to a week after the surgery. It’s my first time experiencing anything like this, so I was taken aback a bit.
I began to get anxious during the phone call while memories of him flooded in without warning and I didn’t want to ruin the rest of the experience. So, I tried to make something out of it. And I opened up. I remembered you can say if you’re having a psychological emergency. So, I let Gabriel know.
When explaining why I felt anxious, it was odd for me. Usually I’m very sure in how I’m feeling and why I’m feeling it. It’s been a long road with my dad’s health. I wasn’t sure other than ‘anxious’ how to describe where I was at. Thank you for bearing through it and for your patience with me, Gabriel, if you do read this.
He took me through a few breaths, but then let me know that he couldn’t take me through the whole emergency process. He dropped his ‘customer service’ voice as he explained that we only had 30 seconds left of our call today. I told him ‘it’s okay’, with a slight waver in my voice that I poorly tried to hide. ‘It’s hard when someone you love.. starts to become different due to medical.. (TW: swearing) shit . I don’t know what else to say.’ ‘I appreciate you saying anything, honest. Thank you.’ The bell rang. I took my survey. I thanked him. The call ended.
His honesty, even when not knowing what to say, gave me more comfort than almost any other conversation I’ve had about my dad. It really, really is hard. And he recognized that.
I didn’t realize until the call was over that when I thanked him, I thanked him by another name. I do apologize, I truly didn’t mean to. I promise that I know your name. I sat with myself for a while wondering why I called him that specific name of all names. I would say why, but I feel as though I’ve already opened up a lot today.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for hearing me.
I wanted to talk about this moment in particular during my call today because I wanted to say that if there’s anyone reading this going through any similar or unrelated struggles— reach out. Doesn’t have to be to LM. Trust me when I say that I definitely didn’t plan on it being LM or Gabriel. It can be with a loved one or someone close. Doesn’t have to be someone close either. Just as long as you reach out to someone rather than hold on to whatever struggle you’re going through. It’s terrifying, yes. But you never know. You could really find comfort in an unexpected and unplanned conversation. I did.
Gabriel. Thank you. Until Next Time.

i’ve recently told her and made a comment about her everyday little judgmental comments about my personal life. im still not graduated from highschool so i have to live with her until. i told her how she avoids every problems about her and gaslights other people into thinking they are in the wrong. and also how judgmental she is. she responded to me about how i view her as a typical asian tiger mom that’s strict and judgmental and she isn’t. im the crazy one that views her as this person. she said all her comments werent meant that way and was just curious about my personal life. and to be honest, she is supportive to whatever i do but is extremely judgmental and used whatever of my personal information to embarrass me infront of people or with her friends. it’s because of this power struggle that she’s projecting because her parents favors her little sister more and the victim card she uses everytime she’s losing in an argument or doesnt go her way. she’s also been manipulating me my whole life; indoctrinating me into christianity as a child by forcing me to go to church events for hours or making me demonize my father as they were constantly fighting.(my oldest memory with both of my parents were when i was 5 years old standing behind my mom while they were yelling and fighting)(also, my asian dad did physically abuse me and my older sister as a child for dumb reasons while he was drunk 7 years later soooo she wasnt wrong but i was still fucking 5). these types of reasons led me to distance the shit out of her and become separated from both of my parents. she would now say “ you were so bright and talkative, who are you now?” i needed to vent about this and did to my older sister but she snitched on me (my whole family thinks im just crazy and im coping). its because she still is dependent on my mom (she’s 19 in college). she’s dependent on my mom because my dad was her abuser but she fails to realize both of our parents were abusers. one mentally and one physically.
anyways, im already planning out to cut them off after i graduate college as i cant cut them off yet because i also want a career and a future. my parents sees me as like a retirement plan and believes that im going to treat them well when i have some type of job but little do they know they’re not getting a single fucking penny.
my question is how the fuck do i keep my mind straight until i finish college? i still didnt finish high school yet (got one more year left) and i just want to know how to deal with this bullshit. its building up stress and this hidden disgust and anger i feel everytime she gaslights me or acts like the victim when we have an argument. or when she tries to get something out of me.
i understand how she probably wants to know what’s going on with me as i distanced with her but im not fucking falling for this shit again.

Hello fellow potatoes! And to the potato queen herself, girl, you're amazing!!! I just found your channel a few months ago, but I'm a huge fan. I don't have a lot of time for videos, but when I do get to watch, I watch yours.
Have I got a boomemil story for you! Let's go on an adventure...warning...I tell stories with rabbit holes and tangents. This is probably gonna be too long. I'm sorry!!!
So, the characters are me (40f), boomer MIL (64f BM for short, like bowel movement bc she's caca), my oldest son, (17m), and my church "mom" (65f CM for short).
A little background: BM thinks she's an awesome mom and grandma even though she's not. She uses my kids as facebook props to show off how "wonderful" she is. The only reason she was around my kids so often was because we went to the same church. She lived 10 minutes down the road from us, but could never be bothered to come over or have anything to do with any of us is if we didn't initiate. She has always said that if we ever try to threaten to keep our kids away from her, like if we were having a disagreement, that she would not fight to see them. We've never threatened to keep our kids from her, she just wanted us to know that she didn't give a sh!t to see her gandkids. So, that tells you right there, that she's a grandma when it's convenient for her.
She's of the boomer mentality that mental health issues are made up and aren't real. "You have nothing to be depressed about." "Just snap out if it." "Just be happy." You get the point. I struggle with depression, I always have. She doesn't understand or even try to understand and is the least empathetic person I've ever met.
When I get overwhelmed, I get depressed, and I start shutting down. My plate is overflowing right now. Between the end of the school year and the possibility of us moving states, I've been overwhelmed. My oldest is a senior and the last month of senior year is crazy busy. I have another child (11m) in public school and this is his last year of elementary school, so this has been an extremely busy month for him. I have 3 more kids that do online public school/homeschool. So, they're home all day with online classes, but since they're a public school, they have mandatory state testing just like regular public school. I have had to take them to do state testing on 4 different days overyhe last few weeks and the meeting place was 45 minutes from home, at a conference room in a mall. I also babysit 3 kids (1m, 4m, 4f), so hanging out for 4 to 5 hours a day on 4 different days with a shitload of kids at the f#cking mall was not easy. Not to mention the positions and "jobs" that I hold at church. To say I'm busy is an understatement.
We've been planning on moving for the last few months because a position at my husband's work is coming open near where he grew up, which is in another state. His parents recently moved back to their hometown after my FIL retired, so one reason for the move would be to be closer to them. They are getting older, so I would be taking care of them once they needed it, so moving closer seemed like a great option. Also, it's a lower COL area than we live in now. Currently we live in the metro area of a capital city and we would be moving to a middle of nowhere po'dunk town.
Told you, rabbit holes, thanks for still being with me!!!
And this is just the straw that broke the camel's back, this is not the only reason for my decision.
So, to the actual story...
Last week, I got a mother's day card in the mail from BM. She's a dollar tree card fanatic. It was a very typical card that she sends me. Nothing handwritten except for "love, grandma and grandpa." This is what she writes in all my cards. (Another tangent...last year my mom passed a month before mother's day and that actual mother's day was her and my dad's anniversary. And I had a super complicated relationship with my momster. So, it was an exceptionally hard day for me. The card she got me said "Daughter" in huge letters on the front. I thought it was so incredibly passive aggressive and completely inappropriate for that year. If it would've been any other year, it would've been fine. Also, she never gets me cards that just say "daughter" so, to me, it was a low blow.) (Yet another tangent...she does passive aggressive crap all the time, for instance when she used to do fb birthday posts, she would always ask me to send her a pic to post. I'm picky about what pics are used and she knows that. Last year, I sent her a great pic of me and her son to use. So, she used one from about 12 years ago that looked like absolute poop. It was a surprise pic, so like not even posed, stupid look on my face. No matter what pic I send, and usually send like 3, she uses a completely different one that doesn't even look good.) I got the card last Tuesday. Hubby happened to be talking to her while driving home from work that day, so when he got home, I thanked her for the card and just wanted to give her a heads up that I hadn't gotten a chance to mail hers yet because of everything I had going on. I kinda broke down and was sharing how I felt and she basically just said, "suck it up, it'll be fine." She's always been dismissive of my feelings, always.
So, my CM is the sweetest lady you'll ever meet. She listens to me, lets me share my feelings without being dismissive, and actually shows she cares. I see her twice weekly at church, and text with her during the week. Since BM has moved 8 moths ago, she has called or texted "just to talk or check in on us" less than a handful of times. She only calls/texts when she needs something or on a special occasion. She called my husband to ask about something, not just to talk. I understand now why the oldest grandson, my nephew, didn't even bother to invite her to his and his girlfriend's baby shower where he proposed. She thinks she's an amazing grandma bc she sends birthday money in a card and posts their pics on Facebook. And, she even stopped posting the kids birthday messages on fb bc she said it was "too much trouble." So, she just sticks to her 30 daily inspirational Bible quotes posts. She's the type that was so pissed off that both of her kids went with courthouse marriages instead of going into debt for a wedding because she didn't get to walk down the aisle at her kids' weddings and post pics on fb. She's mentioned this several times, but definitely wasn't even willing to spend a dime towards a wedding that no one wanted except her. She was also unwilling to take a day off work to go to the courthouse with us. With both of her kids' marriages, the kids and partners were together for a while and had kids before getting married, so spending tons of money on a huge wedding for either of us couples wouldn't have been the best way to spend money.
On mother's day, I gave my CM a card with a few lines written in it about how amazing she is and how I'm so grateful for her. I'm way closer to her than BM. CM is my chosen family and to me, your chosen family is the one that means more because you chose them, you didn't just get stuck with them. My blood family is incredibly toxic, so I stick with my chosen family. CM made a fb post with all that she got for mother's day. It was gifts and cards from her own children, and of course my card as well. CM & BM are fb friends, so of course BM saw it. Also, BM has everyone convinced she's this sweet, little old church lady, but she is far from it.
So, this Tuesday she got her cards in the mail. I always give her one from hubby and myself, and a separate one from our boys. I wrote a nice little note in it. Not long, a line or 2, but it was more effort than she put into my card. She sent me and hubby the following in a group text...
Copy and pasted, only edited out names.
"Got my cards in the mail today. 😭. They were post marked Saturday. You could of kept them til I got there or next year. It's like yall bought them Saturday, wrote a few words and rushed to get them to post office. My heart 💔broken. I thought I deserved better. I wish I could send pictures of my card verses [CM] 😩 card. I couldnt tell which gift was yours. But least I have a year to try do better and be worthy of such wonderful words of love and praise that was written to her.
I don't mean to complain or seem ungrateful but I wished you hadn't mailed them.😭😭. I can't explain how crushed I am.😔 Anyway hopefully I will see yall on the 20th."
Note: my oldest son is graduating on the 20th. She was supposed to drive down and spend the night with us to attend the graduation. I honestly believe she picked this fight because she doesn't want to drive the 6 hours down here.
If you "don't mean to complain or seem ungrateful" then why tf did you send it? I asked my husband what was his initial reaction and he said, "Really?!? All she had to do was say thanks."
So, after I talked to my husband and oldest son (I wanted to make sure everyone was on board with what I was saying before I sent it) , I sent her this response:
"I mailed them on Friday, I bought them several weeks ago. I told you I hadn't mailed them yet because I've been in a deep depression and you dismissed my feelings like always. I have real, valid feelings and you always dismissed them as silly. And come after me because now you're feelings are hurt. Wow, ok. The absolute audacity. And it's not just with your cards that I'm slacking. It's with everything. Because I have depression. I'm overwhelmed on top of that and literally the only thing you care about is a card. I tried to express my feelings the other day on the phone and you dismissed them like you always do. I know things will be fine, but in this moment they are not and you don't get that. Because you don't understand how or why I feel the way I do, then my feelings are silly or invalid to you.
And I never gave [CM] a present. Don't know why you thought that.
Don't worry about coming down on the 20th."
She replies by trying to blackmail me;
"Well my am so sorry I said anything. I never realized you thought that about me. I never dismissed your depression but yes i never knew what to do for you. I am not going to go back and forth about this. I will text [son] and let him know you told me not to come."
She's not sorry to me for being dismissive, she's sorry because now she doesn't get her "Proud MeMe moment" and can't post pictures of her at his graduation on fb. And even if she didn't "know what to do" for me, all she had to do was ask. Or listen. Or give a damn hug. But, no, she just dismissed me bc to her depression isn't real. And she's not going back and forth bc she knows shes wrong! Little did she know that I had already cleared it with hubby and son before sending the text, so I think she thought it would make me look bad to my oldest son that I told her no to come. Oldest son said, "I'm neutral, I don't care if she comes or not. It's not like she's had anything to do with us since she moved, and barely had anything to do with us when she was here."
So, my last text to her said, "He knows. I asked him before I texted you, and he's good with it."
All she had to do was say thanks or not even say anything at all. But, no, she had to say something stupid. Even her own son said that she's lucky she even got a card bc if it was up to him, her actual son, she wouldn't have gotten anything. So, not only is she not invited to the graduation, she's never welcome in my home again. The great part is I don't have to share my holidays with her ever again!!! And please know that I'd never keep her grandchildren from her, but if she wants a relationship with them, she'll have to put some effort in. And we all know boomers hate effort.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I appreciate you my friends!

It just makes sense to plan around this stuff

• LA is building rail infra, ahead of the 2028 Olympics. (Buy in '25, sell in '28?)
  
  • Studying: Learn langs; study remotely albeit hopefully with a nice library.
  • Finances: Investing in the area; speculatively, seems like the move. In general, I haven't been growing my finances enough; the play "yesterday" was indices (you'd think... ah well 😅). The play "today" is calculated aggro risks. (I don't think that using expansion plans to pick where to invest is even aggro? Just seems like a long play lol)
    • More importantly, figure out where I could see myself living for at least 3y. 2y study, 3y proj mgmt cert (If I go for at current job.)
  • Career: Branch out of tech focus; build "the story" and use it to leverage into a job that helps me develop personally and professional-skills-ly. (Data, meh; there's also PM'ing. Do we have a shortage? Is that the case everywhere?)
    • I know I need to do this for myself anyways; might as well get brownie points for doing that work for him.
  • Lifestyle: Should give me a chance to get into a healthy rhythm; I can re-find a gym and social circles there based on common interests.
  • [...]: Lang studies in-person until I'm well enough along to learn online. Keep to the Plan. (Holly's "Spooky imitation of Artemis" quote as thought in interstitial space as one of many examples of that whole 'echoic memory for certain lines' thing. I swear that's prolly a thing in neurosci; resonance and such)
• SEA: Buying ahead of The Big One would suck; and I'm already 50/50 on going back. Maybe buy after; be part of the rebuild.
  
  • Having been back... (I seriously need time away. Lol. Fuck that guy) (Evidence from semi-trusted sources and logical level indicate that I might be making a hasty emotional decision; distance was/is a good idea so secure time off.)
    • play the game; you're already "in" (kinda) or at least in a situation that could be worse. (Decent life philosophy -> remember what you still have. Kenny gets it!) long-term game (out of necessity; might as well be better positioned to make career moves.) I'm at the right level to make moves internally - coach under geoff), but short term, I could definitely use a break.
• JP: '25 Expo could be a nice trip, but at this point I can't do both and pursue DE. Vacay could (and most likely will) be a pivot after we ask [...], probably-get heartbroken (yay!), and can do that to feel better. (...Yay-but-actually! 🤣)
  
  • I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be enough. Vacays take me OUT of a routine. I feel better IN routines.
• NO/DE: (Lol, Node): Pending other developments. Likely NO in either case. Could go FR?
  

SEA was good, but... it's really just surrounding myself with people, activities, opportunities. I can do that most anywhere.
What do you think, Mudkip? :pokes cheek, Zee giggles happily: [...] Dw, I like water too, bud. We can stay close to it for now. ^^