My living situation is something equivocal to a telenovela. I live with my ex, and two other roommates. One of them is MIA because I called her out on not showering for WEEKS on end, making a mess everywhere, making the house smell bad, sleeping on the couch and making that also reek of BO. She has left dirty underwear on the couch and the list goes on, but thankfully she is gone.
My ex is now my best friend and we get along really well now. I am seeing someone else and he is totally cool with it - they get along really well and it’s really cool.
My MAIN issue for this post is this roommate who is a COMPLETE thorn in my side. My ex and I are both at Witt’s end with him. He lies about EVERYTHING. He lies about things that don’t matter at all. He lies so often that they don’t match up with the lies he has told other people. He is always about himself and is beyond selfish. His cat needed surgery and the first thing he did when he walked into the pet ER after seeing the initial quote was “I cannot afford that, let’s take him and go home” this was after hours of me literally nurturing this poor kitten as much as I could. The veterinary staff was explaining to him all of the financial options and that there are resources out there to help cover costs. He kept cutting the staff off with his nonsense. Eventually my ex and I had to convince him to fill out an application for discounted services. The application was estimated to take about 45 minutes and all he did the entire time was sigh and complain about how “hard it was” and “he is stressed” which was beyond irritating. Moreover, the kitten got surgery and is doing very well now! I ended up doing most of the medication administration and aftercare. Which I only did because it was an animal in need and I am not a monster.
His sister got a major surgery - he didn’t check in on her. He did, however, call her and ask for a ride the day after her procedure. Their brother flew in from across the country to assist in the care of their sister and he hadn’t made an effort to see him for over a month.
He eats all the food. Literally all of it. Anything that I get for food I have to hide in my room because otherwise he’ll get too stoned and eat it all. He also expects me or another roommate to cook for him. He doesn’t directly say it, but insinuates it with his words.
He has sexually assaulted myself and another roommate while he was extremely intoxicated and claims to have no recollection of it. He is very creepy with girls and says things that are very disturbing. He says borderline homophobic, racist and misogynistic comments regularly. I also am starting to believe that he may be a bit of a pædophile with some of his comments about the age of consent being lowered.
He thinks he has his family to support him.
I have been in contact with his siblings and mother. Yes, I am his roommate and I acquired the numbers of his family from them. They reached out to me and provided me their information when we first moved in together - which I should have seen that red flag immediately. He has sexually assaulted his sister’s partner in front of the entire family because he was too drunk with the premise of “you really want a man and I look like my sister, so you want me” so, clearly he cannot stay with them. His brother has had it with him and loves him from a distance - so to speak. Their mother moved into a 55+ community to ensure that he can’t stay with her. She is a mom and well, loves her son, but is also fed up. He has done some VERY questionable acts in the past. Things including taking medication from seniors in a senior living facility and selling them / taking them to get high, drinking and driving regularly - to the point where he got in a car accident (which the story about that changed like 5x as well) without car insurance and had to pay for it all out of pocket just to get drunk a few days after getting his car repaired and drove home. He has also struggled with addiction most of his life. Normally I would be understanding of that, however, he takes no accountability nor does he even think that anything is wrong - he’ll acknowledge his addictions, but sees nothing wrong with it. He can’t deal with life sober at all.
He lies about everything. It’s so often that it’s hard to tell reality from fable. We try and find nice things about him, but honestly with how consistently he lies and does questionable acts it is very difficult to oversee all of that.
I could go on and on about how this guy lives and drives me up a wall.
Our lease is up in a few months. I am very much so aware of the fact that he has nowhere to go. OH! He also got an eviction notice from a previous landlord shortly after we got approved for our current apartment. That basically solidifies the fact that he has nowhere to go.
I need roommates to fill the spaces. He also has kittens that I am actually fearful for their future care because of his blatant negligence for life. He makes money to pay rent, but is an absolute nightmare.
I am in a pickle.
SOS lol 🤦🏼‍♂️

To make a very long story short, I used to be a working student, got burnt out, took a 4 month break from riding, and am now a once a week lesson “kid” (I’ve yet to accept I’m an adult ammy). I cannot even begin to put into words how wonderful my new trainer is. She treats me like a person and is so kind to me. When I say I can’t put it into words, I really mean there is no apt way to describe how comforting and safe of an environment she has created while also being educational and not a pushover. I’ve had 5 lessons with her so far and have fallen off in 2 of them which is so embarrassing, and is something I expressed in my previous lesson which was my last fall. First time, I was on an unfit horse and literally just slid off as they ran into the canter which was stupid more than anything. The recent fall, I jumped a small cross rail, the horse cantered after the jump as she’s trained to do and rather than bringing her back, I froze as she continued speeding up until she threw a buck which is what got me off. She then started running around the arena, all hopped up, as I sat in the footing sobbing. I wasn’t hurt, just embarrassed. When I expressed this, we were able to talk through it, me giving my opinion/experience on the matter and her giving advice. I got back on, wtc and ended on a great note. I feel like I’m able to express myself freely and safely with absolutely zero fear of judgement. She’s just a person who I can really trust and I’m super grateful for this, so I want to show it by giving her something (as the title suggests). My worry is that I’m a “fixer”, tend to over-gift, and am very emotional, so I worry that I’d be overstepping boundaries by giving her something. I don’t want to be inappropriate in any way but also want to adequately express how grateful I am for her coaching and for how wonderful she’s been to me. I really don’t want to ruin anything here. So TYIA for any advice or ideas you guys come up with!

Background
Demographic: White, male, age 30, 5' 5", 175 +/- 5lbs.
Lifestyle: Active (workout 3-4x per week), Desk/Physical work split of 90/10%.
Complaint: Abdominal injury and pain (1 year and 8 months since injury), presently inconsistent pains.
Medication: No consistent medications, no allergies.
Drug use: alcohol (1-3x per month), non-smoker.
History of the Injury
Late August of 2022, I hurt myself doing a kip on horizontal bar outdoors. Right after raising my feet to the bar and kicking my legs out I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. (I've done this and similar moves many times before through my 20s, while exercising)
Bar kip example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRPFWdelsDY
I couldn't stop slouching and crunching my abdomen. Stretching backwards and straightening my posture was very discomforting. The severe pain subsided in a day but in the following months I couldn't stretch my stomach and had to sleep on my back with pillows under my knees to keep a flexed/crunched posture. Sleeping on the side was discomforting, because the stomach would hang to the side, bringing up the pain.
In 3 months, I felt better. However, there were always some flare-ups of pain.
Pain Description: The pain always feels along "horizontal lines", on 1-3 locations at a time, around the belly button level, below, or above it, with varying intensity of pain. Through my personal touch/observation, these horizontal lines of pain are always along tendinous inscriptions of the ab structures. Sometimes I feel lower 1 or two lines in pain. Other times it’s one of the upper line(s).
Tendinous inscriptions image: https://test.usabcd.org/courses/lk-native-ld2-basic-ugra/lessons/lknative-rectus-sheath-block/topic/3-anatomy-the-rectus-abdominis-muscle/
Causes of Pain from Movement: Pain flare-ups happen when moving heavy objects rapidly (without prior prep), pulling something heavy from ground, rapidly stretching the abdominal area, or a day after the occasional exercise. Jumping and landing on ground from 1 ft. or above can make me brace my abdomen, leading to some pain as well. Twisting my torso side to side could also make pain worse, stretching one side of the abdomen, especially if twisting in my full range. Slight turns are okay.
Causes of Pain from Food: Flare-ups also happen immediately after eating specific foods, like sunflower seeds, nutty bars, and when a bit bloated from eating. Trigger of this pain doesn't need to be a substantial amount of food either. Sometimes just a bite or two gets the sensation going.
Pain Relief: Often immediately after having bowel movement there is some pain relief. If pain is not too intense, and more of a discomfort, bowel movement can sometimes end the discomfort
Medical History and Pain Progress Timeline
- September 2022, within a week of the injury, ruled out hernia at a clinic.
- 3+ months of slow pain relief, with flare ups. Mostly sedentary life and very little physical activity.
- Late December 2022 through early February 2023: Doctors visit, abdominal ultrasound, and physical exam. No specific conclusions on either physical injury or gastric issues. No diagnosis.
- February to June 2023:
Slow increase in physical activity and exercise. Some running. With a good warm up, stretching the abdominal area isn't too painful (though I did not stretch the area at this time)
Rare ab exercises can feel discomforting, and some pain returns the day after.
Jumping high or landing from high jumps/drops can bring about the pain or worsen it.
Bloated stomach, or consumption of some foods (as mentioned above) can feel discomforting or even painful along 1 or more " horizontal lines". Bowel movement often relieves discomfort and even pain.
- July 1st, 2023, MRI of abdomen. No diagnosis or findings. Quote from the report: "IMPRESSION: Normal noncontrast MRI of the abdomen. There is no abnormality to explain the patient's pain."
- August 2023, start of physical therapy. Therapist's hypothesis - myofascial layer causes pain. Prescribed exercises to do at home with light stretch and some balance/strengthening of abdomen.
- August 2023, start of journaling of my pain in 1-10 scale on daily basis, as I do the PT.
- September 26, 2023, endoscopy was done, no notable results. Results were normal
- August 2023 - March 2024, pain fluctuates with steady 2/10 (pain discomfort) with multiple flare ups of pain, one reaching up to 5/10 and lasting and others staying at 3/10 or higher for 2-3 days in a row.
- April 2024, colonoscopy revealed no remarkable results. 1 week post colonoscopy pain levels increased to an all time high or close to it (5-6/10). Mostly pain along tendinous intersections, in 3 locations, with some lower right and left abdomen pains, burning sensation around or above bladder, and other discomforts. No issues with bowel movements or peeing.
Post colonoscopy I did not return to physical activities and PT as the pain lingers on and is too consistent and limiting to do much in terms of consistent exercise.
Self-medication: On a few occasions, I tried to apply heat or cold, which didn’t help with pain much. But the cold helped numb things down. Heat helped to warm the abdomen and make some movements easier for a short time.
Rare/inconsistent instances of ibuprofen use (around 400-600 mg). Can't remember how effective pain relief is.
Massage/poking: Generally, I do it when I feel pain or discomfort along the horizontal lines. Massage, poking, deep massage does NOT reduce the pain for me. Sometimes even makes me feel the pain more. But mentally feels good to do and feel out where I feel it.
Present day condition (May 2024)
Some pain flare-ups with physical activities, infrequent feeling of discomfort after food (for both, often relieved through bowel movement).
Concern: While pain level has overall gone down since 1.5 years ago, I am not certain what I should and should not do, given there is no diagnosis or clear understanding of cause of pain. The occasional pain increases made me curious if someone had an experience with pain like this. Doctor's appointment all have lead to little to no improvement.
Additionally, I sense a lot of dismissiveness in all the doctors and specialist for this entire timeline described above, where with no results to show on diagnostic tests, I am sent home to "rest" without any hypothesis or brainstorming, and telling me "come back if pain gets worse". It gets worse and I run another round of catching doctors for, what feels like, waste of time with more tests, same questions and same story being told over and over to each new referred specialist I see.
Note: I asked the doctors on multiple occasions to review the MRI images or query a radiologist to do so as there are 100s of frames. I genuinely don't believe that initial look at it was done properly, with only 1 page report showing "unremarkable" for all metrics they looked at. I don't sense that my pain patterns (which I described extensively to every doctor and the radiologist) were accounted for when looking through any of the tests done.
Thanks in advance for any feedback!!!
[Previously posted on AskDocs with no luck so far.]

I (F19), was an only child growing up. I grew up in a household with my mum, dad and grandma. Growing up, I’ve been very close with my dad and grandma. My dad would take me to all of these activities and events such as drag racing and roll racing events, I loved them so much growing up that it became a tradition to go every year. We still go to these events by the way.
My mother however, is the complete opposite. Growing up whenever I would ask her if we could go somewhere or play with my toys together, she would always tell me “later” and walk into her room, lay on her bed and proceed to do nothing. When “later” came I would walk into her room and ask her again, to which her response would be she’s too tired. This would continue to happen my whole childhood. In turn, I would end up playing by myself for the majority of my childhood.
My mother would also constantly try and have my father yell at me or get mad at me growing up. When I was little, If I moved something out of place and drop something on accident (nothing valuable or can be easily shattered), she would always march up the hallway to the back door, slam it and complain about me, till my dad would come in and tell me off. This would happen so many times a day, every day. I wish it was an exaggeration but it is not. It only got worse the older I got as I was entering high school. Everybody knows high school is draining and can leave you exhausted after a long day. When I would come home after a long day at school, I would tell my mum that I was tired and just felt like being left alone for a while, she would get mad at me and continue to do her stomp up the hallway and complain about me to my dad. Too many times. Every day. Safe to say my dad got sick of it after many years.
My mother also HATED my grandmother. (My dads mother). My mother moved into to live with my dad and my grandma about 2 years before I was born. I want to mention, that the house we live in is my grandmas house. Over the years my mother came to hate my grandma for no apparent reason whatsoever. She would break my grandmas items, from dishes or cutlery to ornaments and special memorabilia that she had bought travelling overseas. TW for this next sentence. My mum would also kick my grandmas dog. He is a small Moodle and goes by the name Kobi. He’s still alive and okay btw. My mother also couldn’t stand being in the same room as my grandma, couldn’t use the same cutlery or machines as my grandma. Even got to the point where my mum wouldn’t even eat my grandmas food anymore and my mother would just start to cook her own food. My mother and my grandma are opposite chefs I might mention. My grandma is so talented at cooking and can make the most delicious dishes, my mother on the other hand… could not cook even if her life depended on it. It got to a point where her cooking was so inedible that I wouldn’t eat for a couple days straight. This happened a lot.
I could talk about a lot more but it would be too much to include. Let’s just say mummy issues. Let’s move on to more recent times and I’ll keep it short and sweet.
My mother moved out last August after cheating on my dad since I was a kid. There was an argument and I asked her why she would do that to the father of her child and her answer was that it didn’t even matter and it was a long time ago. I should probably also mention that my mother and father are both deaf and my mother has a learning disability. I’ve tried over the years to sympathise with her and understand her behaviour however every part of me reminded myself that you can have a disability and be a kind person and a good mother, and that it’s not an excuse, which is what my mothers family like to think. I’ve tried to tell them about my mothers behaviour before as it was getting so out of hand I was worried for my grandmas health. And like I said, they ignored everything I told them and blamed it on her disability. After that, I gave up trying to tell them the type of person she was.
Now to this week and the reason I’m making this post. My father sent me a message asking me to send my mother a happy Mother’s Day text. I, however, have no interest of doing so. About an hour ago I received a call from my Aunty (mothers sister) why I had not said happy Mother’s Day to my mum and how she was crying and was so upset. She told me that I need to be respectful and show her the “love that she showed me growing up” and that my mother was an amazing person. I didn’t know what to say to her because all I wanted to tell her was the truth and that my mother is the complete opposite however it’s a waste of my breath. Plus not to mention, their father (my pa) is very sick and doesn’t have long so I guess it doesn’t help. I personally think I have every right to choose whether or not I say happy Mother’s Day to her or not, focusing on the not because of her lack of affection and attention growing up but anyway, AITA for not telling my mother happy Mother’s Day.

I really don’t know why I’m writing this. Part of me wants to be told I’m overreacting I guess
My childhood and 20s were rough, but I have managed to claw my way to some kind of normal life. After burning out and getting fired from a hospitality job, I decided to make a career change, take a 2 years off and pursue my masters - finishing at the height of Covid.
I did really well in my program, enjoyed the research, and was encouraged to continue for a doctorate thru the same school that was only supposed to add an extra 2 years to my studies. I was struggling to find a job and dealing with some family issues back home so I thought it was a great idea. I figured I would try to find a full time job in my field in the meantime and could always finish my doctorate later in life if needed. The summer before I started, I started dating my bf at this time.
Unfortunately, due to some setbacks with my school (not on my part ) things are taking longer than expected to finish the program. I’m okay with this, despite everything, I enjoy my work and feel like I’m finally thriving in life. At the beginning of my program I was working a somewhat full time job unrelated to my field and found it difficult to manage everything. I decided instead to pursue internships that allowed for flexibility in my studying, would bring in some finances as needed while helping me gain needed experience in the field. I have been fully transparent with him about everything and he has repeatedly said he was supportive of my decisions. Since then, I have been surviving financially on a combo of student loans (taking out the bare minimum required to pay for school + little more to help cover emergencies), internship paychecks, and a meager stipend (good for 2 years and is enough to cover my portion of rent).
My boyfriend however, finds himself constantly getting worked up every so often over how my life is going. We find ourselves having the same argument every few weeks and I’m exhausted trying to navigate things with him. He feels that my school is stringing me along for whatever reason and they’ll only push my expected graduation further down the road. (He’s right that they are annoying at times but things like my advisor’s spouse suddenly dying can’t be helped). We are both in our early 30s but he seems to feel that I am wasting my time doing my studies and internships. I just completed an internship at a very prestigious organization and returned to finish up what I hope will be the last year of my doctorate. At the same time I started this internship, I received another internship offer at another prestigious organization that was due to start when the first one ended. However, I’m unable to start until they finish a working clearance for me that was delayed due to a mix up in my paper work. The offer is still on the table and they are flexible with my start date once I receive my clearance. I took this as a sign to focus on school and try to get as much done as possible before this new internship starts and hopefully be on my way to graduation and a new job by the end of the year.
In the meantime, I’ve been applying for full time positions, acting as if this internship won’t work out, but I’ve been picky in the positions I’m applying to for my own sanity and because this internship is literally my dream position and I’m remaining optimistic that things will fall into place and they’ll keep me on. I’m still being realistic and planning for every possible outcome!
My boyfriend finds himself constantly getting worked up over this. He works a well paying full time job and despite me not making as much as him, we have been able to enjoy ourselves pretty well over the two years or so vacation and gift wise. We split everything 50/50, with myself (I feel) contributing more to household expenses because I am home more and want to ensure things are nice and well taken care of. I’ve never complained because I really don’t care, in the end, I’m able to save money because we live together and I would be spending the same amount on everything even if I was single. I’m also extremely cautious with my finances and make sure to budget well so that I can afford all my necessities/bills, add some money to my savings, and have a little extra left over to enjoy life when I can. I have only mentioned once how I wish we could contribute proportionally based on our “incomes” or at least he would be willing to accommodate when we go out to eat or whatever. (he really enjoys food and will try everything on the menu. I mentioned it’s difficult for me to pay sometimes because I don’t always budget that high for restaurant outings.) This of course started a huge argument and him nearly accusing me of asking him to pay entirely for my expenses at all times… I felt like I was losing my mind.
I understand it’s frustrating for him to be living a little bit less well off than he expects. He wants a bigger apartment and to start a family. I tell him I’m not holding him back from having these things. Im not holding him hostage, my life will not fall apart if we break up. It will be difficult of course but I can always return back to my family until I get back on my feet. I have told him I’m more than willing to find a part time job if it makes him feel better, but he has repeatedly told me I need to focus on my career. But! For whatever reason, he doesn’t see internships as work… which is confusing and! He is adamant that he won’t support me unless we’re married, but he feels he can’t marry me until I’m more “stable”. That’s fine with me, I understand from his perspective he’s got some family issues and finds himself supporting his mom in her older age. I honestly think he has a fear I’ll end up like his mother.
I love him deeply but this is my life right now and it’s not like I don’t want these things too. I do, I think about them daily and it pushes me to keep working even when things feel impossible. I told him us living together was great because I’m able to save money and get a head start on life before my new career takes off. But he feels like I’m not taking life seriously and that one day I’m just gonna decide to drop out and either (a) do nothing with my life and expect him to pay for everything or (b) change my mind about my career “again” and keep going to school. It almost feels like he doesn’t believe I’m in school for good reason. I could NEVER bring myself to do either of those things, I’ve struggled enough and I’ve watched women in my family rely on men and I REFUSE to let that happen to me. In his culture it’s unheard of to change your career field and it’s even weirder that someone in their 30s is doing internships. Pursuing a PhD is also weird to him because in his field it’s only if you want to become a professor, in my field, academia is an option but also a lot of jobs often require a PhD! For the most part it’s not crazy for people in my field to have done multiple internships before their first job.
Explaining this every month is tiring and our argument today I found myself speechless for the first time. I’m so done fighting with him about this and I want to leave but I just don’t want to feel like I’m overreacting in what is probably just a season in our relationship. I also feel it’s unfair that I would have to uproot my entire life if we were to break up. He is incredibly loving and supportive otherwise. During our arguments it’s like he comes back to his senses halfway thru and suddenly realizes he was being unfair and we make up and go back to normal. It’s just these random bouts were he gets too in his head and starts overthinking and it’s hard to bring him back to where we were before in that moment.
I feel like I’m going crazy and talking to a brick wall when we get into our arguments. And now that I’ve typed everything out I know I probably sound crazy. If I were a friend of mine I would’ve told me to dump him a long time ago.

So this is likely to be a pretty long post but I will try to make it as short as I can I just feel that there is a lot of things that provide context for this so first off I am a 31 yr old female. When I was young about 10 years old, I started to go through puberty. Pretty young yes, but I had yet to start my cycle. I just started having wider hips and developing a bosom and also some attitude I started having some mood swings all perfectly normal. Right. wrong. My mom did not like that I was having mood swings and basically not following her every command so she started me on something for hormones, a natural herb that was supposed to help with the mood swings. Now I think that it caused problems I started my cycle when I was 13 and after a year I was told that I most likely would not be able to have kids that if I did I would have to go through long treatments in order to do so. I have PCOS I would have sometimes two or three cycles a year and some other not so great symptoms Now when I was younger it didn't really hit me that this would affect my life. I always thought I'd be a mom has always wanted to be a mom and I just thought you know this doesn't matter. It'll still happen. When I was 18 I had a boyfriend but I was also a virgin. I didn't really know anything about anything per say He was older and definitely knew what he was doing. Being a virgin and growing up in a Mormon l conservative home. The only thing I'd been told about relationships in the bedroom was and I quote "it hurts" so I had no idea about condoms or anything like that. I had just moved out of the house so I was still trying to learn all this. Needless to say I ended up pregnant. I made it 9 weeks before I miscarried due to the stress of finding out my boyfriend was cheating on me and I was the side piece coming from a conservative Mormon home that was really stressful for me and also because my mom was very conservative and so was my family. I didn't really tell anyone. I just kind of dealt with it on my own and so after that I kind of fell off the deep end and I started drinking and partying about 4 years later when I was 23. I met someone new but this time I knew better. I was careful to always use contraceptives and I figured if they failed I most likely wouldn't get pregnant anyways because I was continuously being told by doctors that I probably wouldn't be able to have kids well I got pregnant again. I made it 11 weeks before I miscarried again this time however, I told my mom she was the only one I told and I've never told anyone since because she didn't believe me. she said even if that was true that the baby was better off and at least the baby would be perfect in heaven. after that I really went off The deep end I started drinking smoking partying some recreational drug use. Basically anything to numb the pain and this time I didn't even tell the boyfriend and he ended up moving Not long after that Anyways. I really went down a rabbit hole and if it weren't for my brother helping pull me out of it and getting me a job out of state away from all the people that I knew pretty much except for him. He had a job there too. I probably would have continued down that path but when I moved I stopped drinking. I stopped smoking. I stopped all the partying everything and really just kind of did some soul searching on what I wanted and who I wanted to be and what my life would be like I was 25 when I moved back and I was doing a lot better than. I got a job. I was saving up I got my new car and I'd moved in with my parents to help them with some issues they were having. My dad had cancer and my mom has had a slew of health problems so I have yet to move out since I basically helped take care of everything around the house and make sure everything's the way it needs to be When I was 29 I met another guy we dated for a couple months and I ended up pregnant now when I had moved a couple things had happened. I think the change in lifestyle and also the fact that it could have been a different city. It could have been the change in elevation. Whatever else, but I started having regular consistent cycles and I stopped having a lot of the issues that I've been having with my hormones. But I still thought that I would not be able to have a kid at that point though. But I found out when I was just over 4 weeks and because of my past miscarriages I went to the doctor as soon as I could to make sure everything was okay and he monitored me very closely. Now because of my fabulous doctor I was able to deliver a healthy baby girl and I love her more than life itself. But I seem to have a bad choice in men because her "father" wanted nothing to do with her and it broke my heart. I have tried my best to do whatever I can to make my daughter happy and healthy and have a great life but I have still yet to meet anyone that could be any sort of father figure for her. Now on to my cousin we have never gotten along for whatever reason, ever since I was young she would alienate me in any way she could. I never knew why. She's actually only a little bit older than I am by, like not even a full year and my other cousins that were right around my age. All kind of went with her and alienated me too. So I ended up playing a lot of the time with all the younger kids by which I'm talking about 4 to 5 years younger than me and when you're young. And you don't really know why you're being treated that way it can leave a lasting impression. I have never been close with her and I don't think I ever will be. I don't wish her any. Ill will but I don't like her either not long ago she found out she was pregnant and she's had fertility issues as well it ended her first marriage but not only did she find someone who loves her but also loves their baby and wants their baby and that created some jealousy in me. I'm not going to lie. I was very angry that she was still doing all the things that I had given up partying and such and she still was able to find someone. And on top of that have a baby now. A few days ago she went into pre-term labor. She is just over 25 weeks and they've been struggling to keep the baby inside for the last couple days. Tomorrow they're going to deliver the baby at 26 weeks now I hope every thing turns out well cause I wouldn't wish the pain of loosing a child on anyone but I can't help but feel a little angry because everyone in our family is coming out of the wood work to help her and comfort her and be there for her and they are showing her so much love and support. And her boyfriend is right there with her and is supporting her and I just feel so angry and hurt because I never had that support. I mean no one really knew about any of my miscarriages and the one person I trusted didn't even believe me. And my mom now is bending over backwards to try and be as helpful as she can and I think that's what makes me the maddest no I don't hate my cousin. I don't wish her any ill will. I hope that everything goes well with her baby and her boyfriend and that everything turns out great but I can't seem to make myself bend over backwards for her either and jump at every piece of information that is being given. In fact, I wish I didn't even hear it at all because every time I do it just digs that knife deeper and deeper and I don't know how to deal with it. All I know is I am so angry at my family so aita for being angry at my cousin?

III. Changing Modes of Making It: From Horatio Alger to the Happy Hooker
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From “Self-Culture” to Self-Promotion through “Winning Images”
In the nineteenth century, the ideal of self-improvement degenerated into a cult of compulsive industry. P.T. Barnum, who made a fortune in a calling the very nature of which the Puritans would have condemned (“Every calling, whereby God will be Dishonored; every Calling whereby none but the Lusts of men are Nourished: …every such Calling is to be Rejected”), delivered many times a lecture frankly entitled “The Art of Money-Getting,” which epitomized the nineteenth-century conception of worldly success. Barnum quoted freely from Franklin but without Franklin’s concern for the attainment of wisdom or the promotion of useful knowledge. “Information” interested Barnum merely as a means of mastering the market. Thus he condemned the “false economy” of the farm wife who douses her candle at dusk rather than lighting another for reading, not realizing that the “information” gained through reading is worth far more than the price of the candles. “Always take a trustworthy newspaper,” Barnum advised young men on the make, “and thus keep thoroughly posted in regard to the transactions of the world. He who is without a newspaper is cut off from his species.”
Barnum valued the good opinion of others not as a sign of one’s usefulness but as a means of getting credit. “Uncompromising integrity of character is invaluable.” The nineteenth century attempted to express all values in monetary terms. Everything had its price. Charity was a moral duty because “the liberal man will command patronage, which the sordid, uncharitable miser will be avoided.” The sin of pride was not that it offended God but that it led to extravagant expenditures. “A spirit of pride and vanity, when permitted to have full sway, is the undying cankerworm which gnaws the very vitals of a man’s worldly possessions.”
The eighteenth century made a virtue of temperance but did not condemn moderate indulgence in the service of sociability. “Rational conversation,” on the contrary, appeared to Franklin and his contemporaries to represent an important value in its own right. The nineteenth century condemned sociability itself, on the grounds that it might interfere with business. “How many good opportunities have passed, never to return, while a man was sipping a ‘social glass’ with his friends!” Preachments on self-help now breathed the spirit of compulsive enterprise. Henry Ward Beecher defined “the beau ideal of happiness” as a state of mind in which “a man [is] so busy that he does not know whether he is or is not happy.” Russell Sage remarked that “work has been the chied, and you might say, the only source of pleasure in my life.”
Even at the height of the Gilded Age, however, the Protestant ethic did not completely lose its original meaning. In the success manuals, the McGuffey readers, the Peter Parley Books, and the hortatory writings of the great capitalists themselves, the Protestant virtues - industry, thrift, temperance - still appeared not merely as stepping-stones to success but as their own reward.
The spirit of self-improvement lived on, in debased form, in the cult of “self-culture” - proper care and training of mind and body, nurture of the mind through “great books,” development of “character.” The social contribution of individual accumulation still survived as an undercurrent in the celebration of success, and the social conditions of early industrial capitalism, in which the pursuit of wealth undeniably increased the supply of useful objects, gave some substance to the claim that “accumulated capital means progress.” In condemning speculation and extravagance, in upholding the importance of patient industry, in urging young men to start at the bottom and submit to “the discipline of daily life,” even the most unabashed exponents of self-enrichment clung to the notion that wealth derives its value from its contribution to the general good and to the happiness of future generations.
The nineteenth-century cult of success placed surprisingly little emphasis on competition. It measured achievement not against the achievements of others but against an abstract ideal of discipline and self-denial. At the turn of the century, however, preachments on success began to stress the will to win. The bureaucratization of the corporate career changed the conditions of self-advancement; ambitious young men now had to compete with their peers for the attention and approval of their superiors. The struggle to surpass the previous generation and to provide for the next gave way to a form of sibling rivalry, in which men of approximately equal abilities jostled against each other in competition for a limited number of places. Advancement now depended on “will-power, self-confidence, energy, and initiative” - the qualities celebrated in such exemplary writings as George Lorimer’s Letters from a Self-Made Merchant to His Son. ” By the end of the nineteenth century,” writes John Cawelti in his study of the success myth, “self-help books were dominated by the ethos of sales-manship and boosterism. Personal magnetism, a quality which supposedly enabled a man to influence and dominate others, became one of the major keys to success.” In 1907, both Lorimer’s Saturday Evening Post and Orison Swett Marden’s Success magazine inaugurated departments of instruction in the “art of conversation,” fashion, and “culture.” The management of interpersonal relations came to be seen as the essence of self-advancement. The captain of industry gave way to the confidence man, the master of impressions. Young men were told that they had to sell themselves in order to succeed.
At first, self-testing through competition remained almost in-distinguishable from moral self-discipline and self-culture, but the difference became unmistakable when Dale Carnegie and then Norman Vincent Peale restated and transformed the tradition of Mather, Franklin, Barnum, and Lorimer. As a formula for success, winning friends and influencing people had little in common with industry and thrift. The prophets of positive thinking disparaged “the old adage that hard work alone is the magic key that will unlock the door to our desires.” They praised the love of money, officially condemned even by the crudest of Gilded Age materialists, as a useful incentive. “You can never have riches in great quantities,” wrote Napoleon Hill in this Think and Grow Rich,” unless you can work yourself into a white heat of desire for money.” The pursuit of wealth lost the few shreds of moral meaning that still clung to it. Formerly the Protestant virtues appeared to have an independent value of their own. Even when they became purely instrumental, in the second half of the nineteenth century, success itself retained moral and social overtones, by virtue of its contribution to the sum of human comfort and progress. Now success appeared as an end in its own right, the victory over your competitors that alone retained the capacity to instill a sense of self-approval. The latest success manuals differ from earlier ones - even surpassing the cynicism of Dale Carnegie and Peale - in their frank acceptance of the need to exploit and intimidate others, in their lack of interest in the substance of success, and in the candor with which they insist that appearances - “winning images - count for more than performance, ascription for more than achievement. One author seems to imply that the self consists of little more than its “image” reflected in others’ eyes. “Although I’m not being original when I say it, I’m sure you’ll agree that the way you see yourself will reflect the image you portray to others.” Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
<The American Religion by Harold Bloom (California Orphism)>
The Apotheosis of Individualism
The fear that haunted the social critics and theorists of the fifties - that rugged individualism had succumbed to conformity and “love-pressure sociability” - appears in retrospect to have been premature. In 1960, David Riesman complained that young people no longer had much social “presence,” their education having provided them not with “a polished personality but [with] an affable, casual, adaptable one, suitable to the losing organizations of an affluent society.” It is true that “a present-oriented hedonism,” as Riseman went on the argue, has replaced the work ethic “among the very classes which in the earlier stages of industrialization were oriented toward the future, toward distant goals and delayed gratification.” But this hedonism is a fraud; the pursuit of pleasure disguises a struggle for power. Americans have not really become more sociable and cooperative, as the theorists of other-direction and conformity would like us to believe; they have merely become more adept at exploiting the conventions of interpersonal relations for their own benefit. Activities ostensibly undertaken purely for enjoyment often have the real object of doing others in. It is symptomatic of the underlying tenor of American life that vulgar terms for sexual intercourse also convey the sense of getting the better of someone, working him over, taking him in, imposing your will through guile, deception, or superior force. Verbs associated with sexual pleasure have acquired more than the usual overtones of violence and psychic exploitation. In the violent world of the ghetto, the language of which now pervades American society as a whole, the violence associated with sexual intercourse is directed with special intensity by men against women, specifically against their mothers. The language of ritualized aggression and abuse reminds those who use it that exploitation is the general rule and some form of dependence the common fate, that “the individual,” in Lee Rainwater’s words, “is not strong enough or adult enough to achieve his goal in a legitimate way, but is rather like a child, dependent on others who tolerate his childish maneuvers”; accordingly males, even adult males, often depend on women for support and nurture. Many of them have to pimp for a living, ingratiating themselves with a woman in order to pry money from her; sexual relations thus become manipulative and predatory. Satisfaction depends on taking what you want instead of waiting for what is rightfully yours to receive. All this enters everyday speech in language that connects sex with aggression and sexual aggression with highly ambivalent feelings about mothers.
In some ways middle-class society has become a pale copy of the black ghetto, as the appropriation of its language would lead us to believe. We do not need to minimize the poverty of the ghetto or the suffering inflicted by whites on blacks in order to see that the increasingly dangerous and unpredictable conditions of middle-class life have given rise to similar strategies for survival. Indeed the attraction of black culture for disaffected whites suggests that black culture now speaks to a general condition, the most important feature of which is a widespread loss of confidence in the future. The poor have always had to live for the present, but now a desperate concern for personal survival, sometimes disguised as hedonism, engulfs the middle class as well. Today almost everyone lives in a dangerous world from which there is little escape. International terrorism and blackmail, bombings, and hijackings arbitrarily affect the rich and poor alike. Crime, violence, and gang wars make cities unsafe and threaten to spread to the suburbs. Racial violence on the streets and in the schools creates an atmosphere of chronic tension and threatens to erupt at any time into full-scale racial conflict. Unemployment spreads from the poor the white-collar class, while inflation eats away the savings of those who hoped to retire in comfort. Much of what is euphemistically known as the middle class, merely because it dresses up to go to work, is now reduced to proletarian conditions of existence. Many white-collar jobs require no more skill and pay even less than blue-collar jobs, conferring little status or security. The propaganda of death and destruction, emanating ceaselessly from the mass media, adds to the prevailing atmosphere of insecurity. Far-flung famines, earthquakes in remote regions, distant wars and uprisings attract the same attention as events closer to home. The impression of arbitrariness in the reporting of disaster reinforces the arbitrary quality of experience itself, and the absence of continuity in the coverage of events, as today’s crisis yields to a new and unrelated crisis tomorrow, adds to the sense of historical discontinuity - the sense of living in a world in which the past holds out no guidance to the present and the future has become completely unpredictable.
Older conceptions of success presupposed a world in rapid motion, in which fortunes were rapidly won and lost and new opportunities unfolded every day. Yet they also presupposed a certain stability, a future that bore some recognizable resemblance to the present and the past. The growth of bureaucracy, the cult of consumption with its immediate gratifications, but above all the severance of the sense of historical continuity have transformed the Protestant ethic while carrying the underlying principles of capitalist society to their logical conclusion . The pursuit of self-interest, formerly identified with the rational pursuit of gain and the accumulation of wealth, has become a search for pleasure and psychic survival. Social conditions now approximate the vision of republican society conceived by the Marquis de Sade at the very outset of the republican epoch. In many ways the most farsighted and certainly the most disturbing of the prophets of revolutionary individualism, Sade defended unlimited self-indulgence as the logical culmination of the revolution in property relations - the only way to attain revolutionary brotherhood in its purest form. By regressing in his writings to the most primitive level of fantasy, Sade uncannily glimpsed the whole subsequent development of personal life under capitalism, ending not in revolutionary brotherhood but in a society of siblings that has outlived and repudiated its revolutionary origins.
Sade imagined a sexual utopia in which everyone has the right to everyone else, where human beings, reduced to their sexual organs, become absolutely anonymous and interchangeable. His ideal society thus reaffirmed the capitalist principle that human beings are ultimately reducible to interchangeable objects. It also incorporated and carried to a surprising new conclusion Hobbes’s discovery that the destruction of paternalism and the subordination of all social relations to the market had stripped away the remaining restraints and the mitigating illusions from the war of all against all. In the resulting state of organized anarchy, as Sade was the first to realize, pleasure becomes life’s only business - pleasure, however, that is indistinguishable from rape, murder, unbridled aggression. In a society that has reduced reason to mere calculation, reason can impose no limits on the pursuit of pleasure - on the immediate gratification of every desire no matter how perverse, insane, criminal, or merely immoral. For the standards that would condemn crime or cruelty derive from religion, compassion, or the kind of reason that rejects purely instrumental applications; and none of these outmoded forms of thought or feeling has any logical place in a society based on commodity production. In his misogyny, Sade perceived that bourgeois enlightenment, carried to its logical conclusions, condemned even the sentimental cult of womanhood and the family, which the bourgeoisie itself had carried to unprecedented extremes.
At the same time, he saw that condemnation of “woman-worship” had to go hand in hand with a defense of woman’s sexual rights - their right to dispose of their own bodies, as feminists would put it today. If the exercise of that right in Sade’s utopia boils down to the duty to become an instrument of someone else’s pleasure, it was not so much because Sade hated women as because he hated humanity. He perceived, more clearly than the feminists, that all freedoms under capitalism come in the end to the same thing, the same universal obligation to enjoy and be enjoyed. In the same breath, and without violating his own logic, Sade demanded for women the right “fully to satisfy all their desires” and “all parts of their bodies” and categorically stated that “all women must submit to our pleasure.” Pure individualism thus issued in the most radical repudiation of individuality. “All men, all women resemble each other,” according to Sade; and to those of his countrymen who would become republicans he adds this ominous warning: “Do not think you can make good republicans so long as you isolated in their families the children who should belong to the republic alone.” The bourgeois defense of privacy culminates - not just in Sade’s thought but in the history to come, so accurately foreshadowed in the very excess, madness, infantilism of his ideas - in the most thoroughgoing attack on privacy; the glorification of the individual, in his annihilation.
<…>
Standing-Reserve.
Note a lack of the “Greek” in Lasch.
Visions of Excess: Selected Writings, 1927-1939 by Georges Bataille, Edited by A. Stoekl, Translated by A. Stoekl, C.R. Lovitt, and D.M. Leslie Jr.
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Hi...
Well let's get in to it. First, I have no prof. Secondly, I will not source anything. Thirdly, google it (it's what I did).
Life is so fucking hard.... WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Degenerative Focus
My personal belief is that ADHD is a degenerative accelerant disease. What I mean by that collection of words that I put together for fun is that people naturally lose focus but people with ADHD lose it faster. By lose focus I don't mean the type of focus we lose in an hour I mean the type of focus we lose in a life time.
So picture a perfectly normal human brain person, we will call him, John. So john listens to music while watching netflix and texts with his friends all the same time because fuck it and everyone everywhere. What ends up happening is John loses his ability to focus on anything over time. Let's say for arguments sake... five years. In five years time he loses the ability to read and pay attention to what he is reading due to his bad habits.
Let's call subject two, Sad John. Sad John has ADHD and it makes Sad John well... you know. So let's say Sad John one day watches one youtube video and then another and then switches from one video to another without finishing one or the other. He starts to video hope like a freshman bar hopes... a freshman at any Florida university... just pick one. I swear two of them are named the almost exact same knowing there isn't much of a difference to celebrate. Now Sad John is unfocused. He is about as unfocused as John would be if he split his attention four ways every day for a few years.
Focus Cycling
Sad John doesn't like this state of mind, he hates it. So what could we do to help Sad John? In order to help him we first must understand Focus Cycling. Long story short you naturally become focused and unfocused throughout the day. It is almost as if it mirrors the brain's need to Sleep and Be awake. One must happen for the other to occur.
We want Sad John to be in control of his focus Cycle so he can take advantage of his focus. But what is also important to understand is that when someone tries to focus when Unfocused it further deepens the Degeneration of your focus. Think of it as straining your muscles when you are lifting waits and then something gives. It gets worse not better.
So how can we induce ourselves to be in the focus part of our cycle?
Default Mode Network
Think of it this way, you are in default mode. Default mode means you are. You be and not much else. What is particularly note worthy is even muscle memory when activated pulls one out of default mode.
Without going to much in to the since of it otherwise this might never end lol...
Lay down close your eyes. Palms up so that you aren't flexing your forearms. Try to pin point all of the tension in your body and relax the tension or else the muscle memory will be active. Breath slowly as if you are sleeping. And try to think of nothing. I know it is close to impossible but just try it and over time you'll get better. The idea is to just let your mind go wild and let it settle on it's own.
When it starts acting up again it means it is ready to focus on something. You have 20 minutes of focus. You are in your focus cycle and you have about 20 minutes to do your thing.
Just so you know it can be longer, they say people can focus up to one hour and thirty minutes at a time but since we have ADHD ... let's go with the smallest amount lol
And you do that. You read, study or what have you for 20 minutes and then go back in to default mode for as long as you need. You have to lay down for as long as you think you need to. Sometimes I'm laying down for five minutes, sometimes 20 seconds, just depends how jumpy my brain is.
You do this over time and you will unstrain your focus, meaning your base focus will increase.
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Im just about done. I can’t hardly put it into words so I’ll try my best here. To put it short..I’m tired beyond belief. There’s so many moving parts going on with my life: school full time, working full time, maintaining a relationship with my girlfriend, mending relationships within family while also trying to make sure everyone is okay, public speaking at events for foster youths (#Token), and also still grieving from losing both my mother and grandmother two years ago in the same year. I’m fully aware we all have our problems and at times need a hard hat to weather through it, but no one understands how difficult it is for me. I can’t whine and complain or I’ll be labeled as being rude and not understanding. I can’t cry or I’ll be labeled as being too emotional. I can’t silence myself and be distance to protect my peace or I’m I’ll be labeled as moody. Like, I’m in therapy and have been for months, trying to do the work which helps but it doesn’t seem to work. I got a new job that pays well but I’m going through training and don’t get paid for another two weeks which is okay but f*ck I’m broke and it’s uncomfortable! Usually I have a plan to help navigate and mask my emotions in the meantime but every time I come back from my lows I feel heavier and heavier. It’s exhausting and I’m exhausted. It’s gotten to the point where I’m beginning to plan for suicide… I know I won’t resort to that because there are people that depend on me, but I’m just about done…I try to be the kindest I can be to everyone because I came from the ghetto lifestyle of Compton where you’d get smacked for looking at someone the wrong way. Beaten by family , and foster parents for being too “soft”. I know what it feels like to be a nuisance, to be ostracized, to be treated horribly, and so I put some much effort into making sure others don’t feel that way. It’s a lot of pressure but at a point I became a product of my environment and was not a good person. That is who I never want to be again, but I’m tired. Just tired of faking a smile, being disrespected, and not heard..idk I don’t want pity but just advice, please?

II. The Narcissistic Personality of Our Time
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Social Influences on Narcissism
Every age develops its own peculiar forms of pathology, which express in exaggerated form its underlying character structure. In Freud’s time, hysteria and obsessional neurosis carried to extremes the personality traits associated with the capitalist order at an earlier stage in its development - acquisitiveness, fanatical devotion to work, and a fierce repression of sexuality. In our time, the preschizophrenic, borderline, or personality disorders have attracted increasing attention, along with schizophrenia itself. This “change in the form of neuroses has been observed and described since World War II by an ever-increasing number of psychiatrists.” According to Peter L. Giovacchini, “Clinicians are constantly faced with the seemingly increasing number of patients who do not fit current diagnostic categories” and who suffer not from “definitive symptoms” but from “vague, ill-defined complaints.” “When I refer to ‘this type of patient,’” he writes, “practically everyone knows to whom I am referring.” The growing prominence of “character disorders” seems to signify an underlying change in the organization of personality, from what has been called inner-direction to narcissism.
Allen Wheelis argued in 1958 that the change in the “patterns of neuroses” fell “within the personal experience of older psychoanalysts,” while younger ones “become aware of it from the discrepancy between the older descriptions of neuroses and the problems presented by the patients who come daily to their offices. The change is from symptom neuroses to character disorders.” Heinz Lichtenstein, who questioned the additional assertion that it reflected a change in personality structure, nevertheless wrote in 1963 that the “change in neurotic patterns” already constituted a “well-known fact.” In the seventies, such reports have become increasingly common. “It is not accident,” Herbert Hendin notes, “that at the present time the dominant events in psychoanalysis are the rediscovery of narcissism and the new emphasis on the psychological significance of death.” “What hysteria and the obsessive neuroses were to Freud and his early colleagues…at the beginning of this century,” writes Michael Beldoch, “the narcissistic disorders are to the workaday analyst in these last few decades before the next millennium. Today’s patients by and large do not suffer from hysterical paralyses of the legs or hand-washing compulsions; instead it is their very psychic selves that have gone numb or that they must scrub and rescrub in an exhausting and unending effort to come clean.” These patients suffer from “pervasive feelings of emptiness and a deep disturbance of self-esteem.” Burness E. Moore notes that narcissistic disorders have become more and more common. According to Sheldon Bach, “You used to see people coming in with hand-washing compulsions, phobias, and familiar neuroses. Now you see mostly narcissists.” Gilbert J. Rose maintains that the psychoanalytic outlook, “inappropriately transplanted from analytic practice” to everyday life, has contributed to “global permissiveness” and the “over-domestication of instinct,” which in turn contributes to the proliferation of “narcissistic identity disorders.” According to Joel Kovel, the stimulation of infantile cravings by advertising, the usurpation of parental authority by the media and the school, and the rationalization of inner life accompanied by the false promise of personal fulfillment, have created a new type of “social individual.” “The result is not the classical neuroses where an infantile impulse is suppressed by patriarchal authority, but a modern version in which impulse is stimulated, perverted and given neither an adequate object upon which to satisfy itself nor coherent forms of control…. The entire complex, played out in a setting of alienation rather than direct control, loses the classical form of symptom - and the classical therapeutic opportunity of simply restoring an impulse to consciousness.”
The reported increase in the number of narcissistic patients does not necessarily indicate that narcissistic disorders are more common than they used to be, in the population as a whole, or that they have become more common than the classical conversion neurosis. Perhaps they simply come more quickly to psychiatric attention. Ilza Veith contends that “with the increasing awareness of conversion reactions and the popularization of psychiatric literature, the ‘old-fashioned’ somatic expressions of hysteria have become suspect among the more sophisticated classes, and hence most physicians observe that obvious conversion symptoms are now rarely encountered and, if at all, only among the uneducated.” The attention given to character disorders in recent clinical literature probably makes psychiatrists more alert to their presence. But this possibility by no means diminishes the importance of psychiatric testimony about the prevalence of narcissism, especially when this testimony appears at the same time that journalists begin to speculate about the new narcissism and the unhealthy trend toward self-absorption. The narcissist comes to the attention of psychiatrists for some of the same reasons that he rises to positions of prominence not only in awareness movements and other cults but in business corporations, political organizations, and government bureaucracies. For all his inner suffering, the narcissist has many traits that make for success in bureaucratic institutions, which put a premium on the manipulation of interpersonal relations, discourage the formation of deep personal attachments, and at the same time provide the narcissist with the approval he needs in order to validate his self-esteem. Although he may resort to therapies that promise to give meaning to life and to overcome his sense of emptiness, in his professional career the narcissist often enjoys considerable success. The management of personal impressions comes naturally to him, and his mastery of its intricacies serves him well in political and business organizations where performance now counts for less than “visibility,” “momentum,” and a winning record. As the “organization man” gives way to the bureaucratic “gamesman” - the “loyalty era” of American business to the age of the “executive success game” - the narcissist comes into his own.
In a study of 250 managers from twelve major companies, Michael Maccoby describes the new corporate leader, not altogether unsympathetically, as a person who works with people rather than with materials and who seeks not to build an empire or accumulate wealth but to experience “the exhilaration of running his team and of gaining victories.” He wants to “be known as a winner, and his deepest fear is to be labeled a loser.” Instead of pitting himself against a material task or a problem demanding solution, he puts himself against others, out of a “need to be in control.” As a recent textbook for managers puts it, success today means “not simply getting ahead” but “getting ahead of others.” The new executive, boyish, playful, and “seductive,” wants in Maccoby’s words “to maintain an illusion of limitless options.” He has little capacity for “personal intimacy and social commitment.” He feels little loyalty even to the company for which he works. One executive says he experiences power “as not being pushed around by the company.” In his upward climb, this man cultivates powerful customers and attempts to use them against his own company. “You need a very big customer,” according to his calculations, “who is always in trouble and demands changes from the company. That way you automatically have power in the company, and with the customer too. I like to keep my options open.” A professor of management endorses this strategy. “Overidentification” with the company, in his view, “produces a corporation with enormous power over the careers and destinies of its true believers.” The bigger the company, the more important he thinks it is for executes “to manage their careers in terms of their own…free choices” and to “maintain the widest set of options possible.”
According to Maccoby, the gamesman “is open to new ideas, but he lacks convictions.” He will do business with any regime, even if he disapproves of its principles. More independent and resourceful than the company man, he tries to use the company for his own ends, fearing that otherwise he will be “totally emasculated by the corporation.” He avoids intimacy as a trap, preferring the “exciting, sexy atmosphere” with which the modern executive surrounds himself at work, “where adoring, mini-skirted secretaries constantly flirt with him.” In all his personal relations, the gamesman depends on the admiration or fear he inspires in others to certify his credentials as a “winner.” As he gets older, he finds it more and more difficult to command the kind of attention on which he thrives. He reaches a plateau beyond which he does not advance in his job, perhaps because the very highest positions, as Maccoby notes, still go to “those able to renounce adolescent rebelliousness and become at least to some extent believers in the organization.” The job begins to lose its savor. Having little interest in craftsmanship, the new-style executive takes no pleasure in his achievements once he begins to lose the adolescent charm on which they rest. Middle age hits him with the force of a disaster: “Once his youth, vigor, and even the thrill in winning are lost, he becomes depressed and goalless, questioning the purpose of his life. No longer energized by the team struggle and unable to dedicate himself to something he believes in beyond himself, … he finds himself starkly alone.” It is not surprising, given the prevalence of this career pattern, that popular psychology returns so often to the “midlife crisis” and to ways of combating it.
In Wilfrid Sheed’s novel Office Politics, a wife asks, “There are real issues, aren’t there, between Mr. Fine and Mr. Tyler?” Her husband answers that the issues are trivial; “the jockeying of ego is the real story.” Eugene Emerson Jennings’s study of management, which celebrates the demise of the organization man and the advent of the new “era of mobility,” insists that corporate “mobility is more than mere job performance.” What counts is “style…panache…the ability to say and do almost anything without antagonizing others.” The upwardly mobile executive, according to Jennings, knows how to handle the people around him - the “shelf-sitter” who suffers from “arrested mobility” and envies success; the “fast learner”; the “mobile superior.” The “mobility-bright executive” has learned to “read” the power relations in his office and “to see the less visible and less audible side of his superiors, chiefly their standing with their peers and superiors.” He “Can infer from a minimum of cues who are the centers of power, and he seeks to have high visibility and exposure with them. He will assiduously cultivate his standing and opportunities with them and seize every opportunity to learn from them. He will utilize his opportunities in social world to size up the men who are centers of sponsorship in the corporate world.”
Constantly comparing the “executive success game” to an athletic contest or a game of chess, Jennings treats the substance of executive life as if it were just as arbitrarily and irrelevant to success as the task of kicking a ball through a net or of moving pieces over a chessboard. He never mentions the social and economic repercussions of managerial decisions or the power that managers exercise over society as a whole. For the corporate manager on the make, power consists not of money and influence but of “momentum,” a “winning image,” a reputation as a winner . Power lies in the eye of the beholder and thus has no objective reference at all.
The manager’s view of the world, as described by Jennings, Maccoby, and by the managers themselves, is that of the narcissist, who sees the world as a mirror of himself and has no interest in external events except as they throw back a reflection of his own image. The dense interpersonal environment of modern bureaucracy, in which work assumes an abstract quality almost wholly divorced from performance, by its very nature elicits and often rewards a narcissistic response. Bureaucracy, however, is only one of a number of social influences that are bringing a narcissistic type of personality organization into greater and greater prominence. Another such influence is the mechanical reproduction of culture, the proliferation of visual and audial images in the “society of the spectacle.” We live in a swirl of images and echoes that arrest experience and play it back in slow motion. Cameras and recording machines not only transcribe experience but alter its quality, giving to much of modern life that character of an enormous echo chamber, a hall of mirrors. Life presents itself as a succession of images of electronic signals, of impressions recorded and reproduced by means of photography, motion pictures, television, and sophisticated recording devices. Modern life is thoroughly mediated by electronic images that we cannot help responding to others as if their actions - and our own - were being recorded and simultaneously transmitted to an unseen audience or stored up for close scrutiny at some later time. “Smile, you’re on candid camera!” The intrusion into everyday life of this all-seeing eye no longer takes us by surprise or catches us with our defenses down. We need no reminder to smile. A smile is permanently graven on our features, and we already known from which of several angles its photographs to best advantage.
The proliferation of recorded images undermines our sense of reality. As Susan Sontag observes in her study of photography, “Reality has come to seem more and more like what we are shown by cameras.” We distrust our perceptions until the camera verifies them. Photographic images provide us with the proof of our existence, without which we would find it difficult even to reconstruct a personal history. Bourgeois families in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, Sontag points out, posed for portraits in order to proclaim the family’s status, whereas today the family album of photographs verifies the individual’s existence: its documentary record of his development from infancy onward provides him with the only evidence of his life that he recognizes as altogether valid. Among the “many narcissistic uses” that Sontag attributes to the camera, “self-surveillance” ranks among the most important, not only because it provides the technical means of ceaseless self-scrutiny but because it renders the sense of selfhood dependent on the consumption of images of the self, at the same time calling into question the reality of the external world.
By preserving images of the self at various stages of development, the camera helps to weaken the older idea of development as moral education and to promote a more passive idea according to which development consists of passing through the stages of life at the right time and in the right order. Current fascination with the life cycle embodies an awareness that success in politics or business depends on reaching certain goals on schedule; but it also reflects the ease with which developments can be electronically recorded. This brings us to another cultural change that elicits a widespread narcissistic response and, in this case, gives it a philosophical sanction: the emergence of a therapeutic ideology that upholds a normative schedule of psychosocial development and thus gives further encouragement to anxious self-scrutiny. The idea of normative development creates the fear that any deviation from the norm has a pathological source. Doctors have made a cult of periodic checkup - an investigation carried out once again by means of cameras and other recording instruments - and have implanted in their clients the notion that health depends on eternal watchfulness and the early detection of symptoms, as verified by medical technology. The client no longer feels physically or psychologically secure until his X-rays confirm a “clean bill of health.”
Medicine and psychiatry - more generally, the therapeutic outlook and sensibility that pervade modern society - reinforce the pattern created by other cultural influences, in which the individual endlessly examines himself for signs of aging and ill health, for tell-tale symptoms of psychic stress, for blemishes and flaws that might diminish his attractiveness, or on the other hand for reassuring indications that his life is proceeding according to schedule. Modern medicine has conquered the plagues and epidemics that once made life so precarious, only to create new forms of insecurity. In the same way, bureaucracy has made life predictable and even boring while reviving, in a new form, the war of all against all. Our overorganized society, in which large-scale organizations predominate but have lost the capacity to command allegiance, in some respects more nearly approximates a condition of universal animosity than did the primitive capitalism on which Hobbes managed his state of nature. Social conditions today encourage a survival mentality, expressed in its crudest form in disaster movies or in fantasies of space travel, which allow vicarious escape from a doomed planet. People no longer dream of overcoming difficulties but merely of surviving them. In business, according to Jennings, “The struggle is to survive emotionally” -to “preserve or enhance one’s identity or ego.” The normative concept of developmental stages promotes a view of life as an obstacle course: the aim is simply to get through the course with a minimum of trouble and pain. The ability to manipulate what Gail Sheehy refers to, using a medical metaphor, as “life-support systems” now appears to represent the highest form of wisdom: the knowledge that gets us through, as she puts it, without panic. Those who master Sheehy’s “no-panic approach to aging” and to the traumas of the life cycle will be able to say, in the words of one of her subjects, “I know I can survive… I don’t panic any more.” This is hardly an exalted form of satisfaction, however. “The current ideology,” Sheehy writes, “seems a mix of personal survivalism, revivalism, and cynicism”; yet her enormously popular guide to the “predictable crises of adult life,” with its superficially optimistic hymn to growth, development, and “self-actualization,” does not challenge this ideology, merely restates it in more “humanistic” form. “Growth” has become a euphemism for survival.
The World View of the Resigned
New social forms require new forms of personality, new modes of socialization, new ways of organizing experience. The concept of narcissism provides us not with a ready-made psychological determinism but with a way of understanding the psychological impact of recent social changes - assuming that we bear in mind not only its clinical origins but the continuum between pathology and normality. It provides us, in other words, with a tolerably accurate portrait of the “liberated” personality of our time, with his charm, his pseudo-awareness of his own condition, his promiscuous pansexuality, his fascination with oral sex, his fear of the castrating mother (Mrs. Portnoy), his hypochondria, his protective shallowness, his avoidance of dependence, his inability to mourn, his dread of old age and death.
Narcissism appears realistically to represent the best way of coping with the tensions and anxieties of modern life, and the prevailing social conditions therefore tend to bring out narcissistic traits that are present, in varying degrees, in everyone. These condition have also transformed the family, which in turn shapes the underlying structure of personality. A society that dears it has no future is not likely to give much attention to the needs of the next generation, and the ever-present sense of historical discontinuity - the blight of our society - falls with particularly devastating effect on the family. The modern parent’s attempt to make children feel loved and wanted does not conceal an underlying coolness - the remoteness of those who have little to pass on the next generation and who in any case give priority to their own right to self-fulfillment. The combination of emotional detachment with attempts to convince a child of his favored position in the family is a good prescription for a narcissistic personality structure.
Through the intermediary of the family, social patterns reproduce themselves in personality. Social arrangements live on in the individual, buried in the mind below the level of consciousness, even after they have become objectively undesirable and unnecessary - as many of our present arrangements are now widely acknowledged to have become. The perception of the world as a dangerous and forbidding place, though it originates in a realistic awareness of the insecurity of contemporary social life, receives reinforcement from the narcissistic projection of aggressive impulses outward. The belief that society has no future, while it rests on a certain realism about the dangers ahead, also incorporates a narcissistic inability to identify with posterity or to feel one self part of a historical stream.
The weakening of social ties, which originates in the prevailing state of social warfare, at the same time reflects a narcissistic defense against dependence. A warlike society tends to produce men and women who are at heart antisocial. It should therefore not surprise us to find that although the narcissist conforms to social norms for fear of external retribution, he often thinks of himself as an outlaw and sees others in the same way, “as basically dishonest and unreliable, or only reliable because of external pressures.” “The value systems of narcissistic personalities are generally corruptible,” writes Kernberg, “in contrast to the rigid morality of the obsessive personality.”
The ethic of self-preservation and psychic survival is rooted, then, not merely in objective conditions of economic warfare, rising rates of crime, and social chaos but in the subjective experience of emptiness and isolation. It reflects the conviction - as much a projection of inner anxieties as a perception of the way things are - that envy and exploitation dominate even the most intimate relations. The cult of personal relations, which becomes increasingly intense as the hope of political solutions recedes, conceals a thoroughgoing disenchantment with personal relations, just as the cult of sensuality implies a repudiation of sensuality in all but its most primitive forms. The ideology of personal growth, superficially optimistic, radiates a profound despair and resignation. It is the faith of those without faith.

I see it all the time on this god forsaken app that whenever something bad happens in gujrat PPL come in with the sarcasm of "gujrat model" stating that this model is all but nothing short of a farce. They could not be further from the truth. But, before that I want to tell you guys that if not for the investment reforms, land reforms and infra reforms, guj would still be the caste hell hole that most of North india is. And now the reality is that it still somewhat a caste hell hole (reduced in the last decade) but way richer, with ample amounts of resources, export based economy, 4 industrial bases. Gujrat model is not a socio economical model, it is a growth model. It is a model to cut the red tape and have single window clearances, invest in infra and invite investments with lucrative offers. The GM did not aim to be a social justice bill so that prof in unis could feel good about their irrelevant degrees. The reality this country will still remain a caste hell hole until caste is not reformed as a religious thing in Hinduism. But alongside, that if we can apply the gujrat model of economics, cutting red tape, brining the entire process online, direct benefits to the poor, and growth through industries, we can be far better than what we were. Just had to rant because people take gujrat model as a model that solved everything while in reality it was a model only on economics, that changed the fate of a state.

Long time lurker, first time poster - throwaway, due to the low risk that anyone in my life knows my main lol.
It's looking like I may have the opportunity to move overseas later this year if my boyfriend's career takes him there. We've been together just over a year, and while we don't currently live together, that was already on the cards in future once I've had a bit longer enjoying living alone after the end of my previous long-term relationship. If the overseas move happens, then that would be the start of our life together in that sense. We've already had conversations about our commitment to each other, the fact that he's down to have kids together if I decide that's what I want etc.
There's a huge part of me that wants to do this and feels like its the right thing to do. I live in Tasmania, so while I've done a reasonable amount of travelling, this would be an amazing opportunity to be closer to the rest of the world and see more of the many many places I've always wanted to go. It's always been a point of slight sadness for me that I've never experienced living and immersing myself somewhere different, and I guess I'm not alone in sometimes asking myself what I want my life to look like when I reflect back on it when I'm old, and what am I doing now to ensure that I'll feel like I lived a happy, exciting, fulfilling life. I've always been one to just go with where life takes me, and where it's taken me has been a very enjoyable and sociable but fairly predictable path of growing up, studying, living and working all in the same city. I've never been the type to decide 'I want to do XYZ' and make big moves to make that happen, but rather live under the assumption of 'one day I'll do that.'
There's a lot of rational factors why now would be the right time. Firstly, if this potential opportunity pans out for my boyfriend, then it would sort out visa and relocation which would be a huge help in terms of stress and cost. Secondly, I've gone as far as I can in my current job, and was already looking for new roles based in Tasmania, so why not do that overseas instead. Thirdly, I don't have kids yet, but if I want them then realistically I should probably get onto that in the next couple of years, so now feels like my last opportunity to have that overseas experience without the added difficulty of children. Lastly, between friends having kids or moving away themselves, I can feel my social life changing and it will only continue to do so. Add to that the fact that I'm in my mid-thirties rather than a 20 year old with my entire adult life before me, there's a real sense of 'if not now, when?' If the current circumstances aren't right to go and do this, then when exactly will they be?
But there are also some big factors holding me back. Firstly, my ex and I still share the pet we got together, and I can't think of any reason she would decide to let me keep them permanently and take them overseas with me. I will almost certainly be choosing to leave my baby behind, and it breaks my heart. Secondly, my dad's single with no family, and no other children. I feel huge guilt at leaving him here alone and super lonely. Thirdly, supposing I do have kids in a couple of years and in this new country, it won't be the experience I always imagined where my friends and I are experiencing that together, and where I'd have my mum nearby to support me. Lastly, my boyfriend's career is quite niche and I don't know how easy it would be for him to move back here. The limited job opportunities for him in Tasmania are a part of why he's got international opportunities in the first place, and why he may not be able to stay here forever. I'm scared that going overseas together won't be a time limited experience, but rather that I'm either leaving forever, or that if I do decide to come back to Tassie, it will be alone.
I love this man, we have a wonderful relationship and want a future together, it's part of why I'm considering going. But what if we just end up breaking up anyway, if I want to come back to be near my dad and my pet, and my boyfriend can't find suitable work here?
I'm not sure whether I'm looking for advice, or just need to get this off my chest as I've not told anyone in my personal life this information while it's all still confidential and uncertain. Maybe I'm just looking for perspective, or thoughts and experiences from anyone who has either made a similar move, or alternately opted not to take a similar opportunity, and hear how happy you are or aren't with your decision.

Very long story short, I have both religious and relational traumas from childhood that have always made my gender and sexuality very difficult for me to find peace with. Despite having several, long-term relationships with women, I also have always had physical and sexual attraction toward gay/queer men. Emotionally, I don’t know where I stand because I’ve never had a close relationship with one. Before transition, I had zero way of making sense of this and felt it would be impossible to ever explore. The only sexual encounters I’ve ever had with men happened on 2 occasions while we were both very intoxicated - they were both gay but it was 20 years ago.
I also live with pretty pervasive anxiety and tend to get very anxious when I try to imagine allowing myself to explore any physical/sexual attraction with other men. I fantasize about it but I have always been in a committed, monogamous relationship with a woman and never acted upon my fantasies.
I feel so much fear and shame around all of this. I wonder if because of my childhood trauma, I’ve shut down parts of me that desire men and if I can ever allow myself to open up to it. Other times, my intimate relationships with women have been so challenging that it feels like it would be a relief to be with men. I just feel so much more comfortable and at ease with men than I do with women.
I know I’m far from the only trans guy who ended up finding his sexuality was more fluid post transition, but it’s all just really scary and overwhelming sometimes. Transition has been hard enough without considering completely redefining myself sexually.
Needless to say, I just needed a safe place to vent about it tonight, as I’ve been having a lot of anxiety today. I see people looking so open and free about their identities and I crave feeling that way, yet fear I’ll always be shackled by shame. I think deep down inside, I just wish I could magically meet some healthy, gay/queer men who could accept me being a mess inside trying to figure myself out. As a sober person living in a small town, my only ability to connect with other trans and queer men is online spaces.
Thanks for listening - no idea if anybody has any insight or support for coping with so much change and uncertainty…

Hi all! I'm 30+, write 2-5+ paragraphs, post a few times per week, and love plotting! I'm currently looking for someone to plot out and write a long term Harry Potter RP with Canon/Canon pairings. I have several different plot ideas, but I'm also open to any ideas interested parties may already have brewing! I'm looking for someone who will match my enthusiasm, doesn't mind my meandering pace, and is interested in some long running and complex stories.
Pairings M/F - Hermione/Draco; Hermione/Harry; Hermione/Severus; Hermione/Lucius; George/(Hermione or Pansy)/Fred M/M - Draco/Harry; Draco/Ron; ArthuLucius, George/(Draco or Harry)/Fred
I don't have a preference for which character I play in any of those pairings, and I'm looking forward to play tons of canon side characters (looking for a partner who would be too!). I’m happy to double with pairings and characters outside of what's listed above; I really can't think of a character I wouldn't be interested in exploring from canon!
Plot Bunnies These are just jumping off points - I’d love to hear any ideas interested parties might have as well!
Intense Wartime Romance What it says on the tin! I’m craving an intense wartime drama/romance for any of the pairings listed above! Missions trying to bring down Voldemort, safehouses, polyjuice potions, all sorts of shenanigans. I see this as being in a universe where the war went longer. Maybe the Trio isn’t able to get the Cup so the efforts drag on and on while Voldemort gains followers and becomes even more brutal in his attacks.
World-Spanning Epic Ten years after the fall of Voldemort the numbers of magical children have dropped off a cliff and occurrences of squibs in magical families has skyrocketed. In fact, all around the world, in every magical species, numbers were dropping off all at once. Magic is dying and, for whatever reasons, our characters get thrust together to find a way to fix it. This would involve our characters visiting other magical societies/preserves/etc around the world, with a lot of possibility for worldbuilding original content for them to encounter.
6th Year Rewrite This is specifically Draco-centered. A rewrite where someone from the Golden Trio ends up befriending/romancing him and things change drastically.
Time Travel Fix-It - Full Series Rewrite What it says on the tin! Somehow one or both of our characters get sent back from the end of canon to the beginning with all their memories intact. An opportunity to change the way things happened; to save friends who died and bring to justice those who escaped it the first time around. This would be a really ambitious, super long term project.
Word Bank (Sort Of) Romance; intrigue; mystery; action/adventure; time travel; bold declarations; political intrigue; other magical societies; tenderness; Order missions; episodic and overarching plots; slow burn; purebloods in the Muggle world; internal struggles against childhood indoctrination into pureblood bigotry; gritty realism; moral ambiguity; arranged marriages; experimental magic; a magical apocalypse but the characters are kind of over heroics and mostly just complain while they save the world again.
If any of this interests you, please send me a message with a little about yourself and as much as you want about what you're looking for in a collaborative writing experience. We can exchange writing samples and talk plot!

Memory Transcript Subject: Carlos Jose Rodriguez, Mechanical Engineer, Florida Man
Date [Standardized Human Time]: December 29th, 2136
When Yalga passed out on the couch I sent a message to the family group chat making sure everyone knew of the situation.
I needed to get Yalga into the hospital, but I didn’t want to do it myself. Pyon also needed a sitter, so I was waiting for mom to come back so Salisek and I could focus on Yalga.
Me: Yalga burned herself on the heat pad. We’re taking her to the ER. Mom, could you come home to take care of Pyon.
Mom: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BURNED HERSELF?! We’re coming home!
Tarvik: On our way. We’ll help you take her.
I didn’t want to bother them, but I couldn’t complain. I needed help. While I waited for them to arrive I poured a cool glass of water for Yalga so she could hydrate herself when she gets up. I gently nudged her awake, which made her groan in discomfort as her eyes opened.
“Dad? What’s going on?” She asked weakly. Her voice was a little rough.
“I’m gonna take you to the doctor,” I answered bluntly. “I am aware, you don’t love doctors but these people can help you much better than me. I’ll be with you as much as I can, holding your hand. Can you be brave for me?”
My daughter nodded yes, so I got up and went upstairs to grab something we’re definitely gonna need. I also made sure Salisek got the news. She probably saw through the chat, but I needed to be sure.
I peeked into our room, or at least the room the girls were staying in together. “Honey?” I called the mother of my children. Salisek was cradling Pyon, trying to calm him down. Pyon was holding his teddy tight enough to cause some visible rips and tears. I need to ask mom to fix that later. “How is he?”
Pyon buried his face in Saliseks chest fur, and made some small whining sounds. “He’s scared. We heard Yalga scream and didn’t know what was going on. He soiled himself when he heard Yalga and has been crying for a while now. He only just stopped. He can sense I’m worried too.”
“You changed him right?”
“Yeah, although I didn’t think now was a good time for potty training. What are you getting?”
Salisek followed me to my mom’s room and watched me search around the closet. “Almost a decade ago, my dad was hit by a car. Something about the sensors being screwed up. He’s obviously fine now, but the car didn’t stop just in time so he broke a leg. Thank God that’s all he got. Anyway, he bought a wheelchair and kept it- Aha!”
I freed the simple contraption buried under a mountain of clothes dad considered put away and carried it downstairs.
“We’re gonna need this. It’s gonna be way easier to move Yalga.”
Salisek continued to cradle Pyon, rocking him back and forth, as she talked to me, “What do you need me to do?”
“Stay with Pyon.”
“No.”
“We’re not arguing about this. I need you to stay-”
“Pardon me, could you repeat that!? Have you forgotten that despite that fact we aren’t married yet we both signed as the legal guardians of both Pyon AND Yalga. Or did you want to call your barber for help?”
Hearing Salisek use her angry voice when talking about anything other than Exterminator and Federation bigotry felt like a punch in the gut.I tried to defuse the situation. That worked about as well as it did when dad tried it.
“Hun, that’s not what I mea-”
“MY-” Salisek paused when she remembered she was still carrying Pyon who was looking at her as if she yelled at him. “Oh, I’m so sorry pup just…” She shifted Pyon's position so he could bury his face into her fur to distract her. She softened her voice, but made it stern as steel. “My daughter is in an incredible amount of pain. She is scared, she is tired. I will be there. Pyon will come with, so he can see his sister being taken care of. I. Will. Be. There. For. My. Daughter. Am I clear?”
I help up my hands in defeat. “Okay. We’ll leave as soon as the family gets here.”
Saliseks voice and posture softened. “Okay. Again this time. What can I do?”
Seeing how serious she was, I realized doing this on my own was a stupid idea from the start. “Pack some snacks. I’m not getting overcharged for crappy hospital junk. And while you’re in the kitchen please grab more water for Yalga. I gotta make sure the bandaging is on well and she’s okay.”
“Okay.”
Salisek walked to the kitchen, still carrying Pyon. At times like these, I know I made the right decision marrying her.
“I love you sweetheart!” I called out.
“I love you too hun!” She called back.
I pulled the wheelchair out so Yalga could get in it. I could try and carry her, but unfortunately with her size and weight it would be better to transport her like this. Even if it’s a short distance.
“Daddy,” Yalga called.
“Yeah.”
“Are you and Mommy mad at each other?” She asked innocently. “Did I do something wrong? I heard Mom say my name.”
I knelt down to give my daughter an assuring kiss on her head. “No kiddo. We had a disagreement like all adults. It’s solved now. We still love each other.”
Despite her monotone voice, it couldn’t hide the tears building in her eyes. “Okay.”
I ignored it for the moment because she was probably gonna cry more in a moment. I opened the chair as much as it could go and gave the seat a nice solid pat.
“We’re gonna put you here, then we’re going to the Emergency Room.”
“Do I have to get up?”
“Yeah. You do. Grab my hand. We’ll go slow.”
Yalga held my hand and grasped it tight. I need to remember that she has a very strong grip. To keep her even I used my other hand to push her up from the other side so she didn’t have to do the work.
I’m so glad I go to the gym.
We slowly worked together to lift her up so she could sit straight.
“Ow, ow!”
“I know it hurts. Take your time.”
Once we got her up we had to get her into the chair. I thought about the best way to put her tail. Through the hole in the back? Would it just drag to the ground? Wait!
I went to the side of the couch where there was a thin blanket for me and Salisek when we slept here. If I can tie the blanket on the handles it can keep her tail up without squishing it. I just need to get her on first.
“Okay Princess. Let’s get up. Can you stand?”
“Y-Yeah. Um, Dad?”
Yalga awkwardly clutched her tail. “I need to use the bathroom.”
My eyes darted from the bathroom to the couch and back. “No better time to test the wheelchair.”
[Memory Transcript Time Skip: 40 Minutes]
Even though it was getting late the traffic was still a lot. Once Salisek was ready we both called our parents and they both said that traffic was heavy. With it being the last Saturday of the year, Florida residents and tourists alike were enjoying their day.
We decided to just meet at the ER. The blanket trick for Yalga’s tail worked well and it didn’t hurt too much for her to walk once she got up. However, sitting down hurt her a lot unless it was in the wheelchair. Her tail probably played a factor since it didn’t have a place to sit except on the side when dealing with regular chairs.
Once we got to the hospital I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t that packed. Because of increased tourism and parties things can get crowded this time of year. Thankfully that wasn’t the case today. I didn’t want my daughter waiting more than she had too.
When I opened the side door, Yalga was already half up just so she could get into a chair with room for her tail. I helped carry her down and rolled her through the hospital's parking lot.
Salisek was having a difficult time carrying Pyon. He was pretty nervous. “Mawmy, I don wan to gow en.”
I didn’t understand why Pyon was scared but Mawmy was able to calm him down. “It’s okay pup. This place is filled with very nice and smart people who can help your big sister.”
My daughter didn’t say much, instead she looked around the large hospital and took in all the architecture and bright lights at the front. The front and lobby areas were clean and comfortable which helped a little to ease the tensions of anyone going in with something they believe is serious.
I rolled Yalga straight to the front desk and we were greeted by the medical receptionist. “Hello, how may I help you?”
I smiled politely and spoke calmly, “Hello, I’m Carlos Rodriguez and this is my daughter Yalga. She was using a heating pad and unfortunately suffered some burns. I was able to patch her up a little, but the gels and methods we have are for humans so I want to make sure she can heal properly. I would also like a professional to look at other areas of concern dealing with her limbs and back.”
“Any pain, shortness of breath, chest pain, profuse bleeding?”
“Her back usually causes her pain and the burning made it worse.”
She gestured to my fiance and son, “Are those two with you?”
“The tall Venlil woman is Salisek, my fiance, and she’s holding our son Pyon. They came for emotional support and to assist with anything Yalga may need.”
“We’ll get you someone right away. Please wait in the lobby.”
“Thank you.”
I knew they probably wouldn’t rush us in since even though Yalga is in pain, there’s no direct threat to her life. The most they’d do is probably a tetanus shot. I suppose I’ll have to worry if Yalga reacts to needles. I’ll try to calm her down because I could tell Yalga was still tense. I rolled her to a seating area with a TV playing Tom and Jerry.
Peak Fiction
With all the stress Yalga was going through, there’s nothing like cartoon violence to ease the mood. What would also ease the mood is having the family visit which according to a message they just sent, they were already here just finding parking.
Soon everyone entered the hospital and after a quick chat with the receptionist, along with me flagging them down, they joined us in the lobby. Helen and Chalta ran to Yalga the quickest.
“Yalga, are you okay?!” Chalta asked. “We heard your back got hurt!”
Helen was about to tackle Yalga into a hug before I stopped her. “Helen, Yalga isn’t feeling well. Please be careful she’s in a lot of pain.” Helen was visibly worried but still gently gave Yalga a supportive hug.
“Get better soon please.”
Talice and Tarvik were surrounding Salisek, asking questions on how they could help.
“Mom, it’s fine, really.”
“No, it’s not fine. Your father and I are here to help so please be honest with us. We’ll help with anything you need. We’ll take Helen home soon but the moment you need anything we’ll be right there.”
“Why isn’t she seeing a doctor yet? What kind of place is this?!”
Mom went over to Salisek who was still holding Pyon. “I can take him sweetie, get some rest.”
Salisek cradled a stressed Pyon in her arms, “Do you wanna go with Grandma, little pup?”
“Gwandma.”
Salisek gently handed Pyon over to my mother who instantly knew how to calm him down. Salisek fell into the chair next to me. She was pretty exhausted and it was getting late. The stress of everything is what really made her worry. Seeing your child in pain isn’t fun. My father put a hand on each of our shoulders.
“Is everything alright?” he asked.
I looked over to my daughter who was trying to watch the cartoon with her sisters but still had a hard time focusing because of the pain, as evident by her trying to adjust herself. I gave her a tap on her shoulder and mouthed “how are you feeling?”. I could only hear a little whisper, but it was enough to understand she was saying “It still hurts.”
Dad could overhear what we were trying to say and knelt down next to Yalga. “What would you like to do when we leave?”
“I’m a little hungry. Can we go eat later?”
“Of course, anything you want.”
I was grateful for my dad, that we remembered to comfort Yalga in all this. I was so new to everything, not to mention the speed at which everything was happening.
…
Where’s the doctor!
“Carlos Rodriguez,” She called just as my patience was wearing thin. “We’re ready to see you now.”
“Thank you. One moment.”
I quickly talked with my parents and in-laws about who is going home and who is staying. My mom offered to take Pyon home and to tuck him in, Salisek agreed. Talice decided to go with and made sure to bring Chalta and Helen back since they knew they might get bored or cause trouble. Tarvik and Dad were conversing for a bit about who should stay before settling on Dad since he’s more familiar with the hospital.
Salisek gave Pyon a strong nose nuzzle, “I’ll see you later, okay Pyon? Mommy will be home soon. Be good to grandma, okay?”
“Owkay Mawmy.”
“I love you.”
“I wuv yu tu.”
Helen and Chalta gave Yalga a big, but gentle, hug.
“Get better soon.”
“We’ll play lots of games together when you get back.”
Everyone quickly said their goodbyes so it was just me, Yalga, Salisek, and Dad. We followed the nurse to a room and were asked to wait until the doctor arrived. Yalga was really on edge.
“Dad, are you gonna tell Odin about me?”
“It hasn’t crossed our minds. Do you want us to call him so you can talk for a bit?”
“No thank you, I don’t want him to worry.” My daughter fidgeted with her claws in shame. She didn’t want Odin to see her hurt. The moment she’s okay, I’m planning a date for her and Odin. With chaperones of course. “Are the doctors here nice?” Yalga asked nervously.
“Of course they are, Princess. Just answer honestly and they’ll help you get better.”
They’ll help you get better… I hope.
[Memory Transcript Time Skip: 60 Minutes]
“So the spray will help heal and clean the burn so it doesn’t get sick?” Yalga asked curiously.
“That’s right,” Dr. Brown stated. “Soon we’ll give you a small shot to help protect against tetanus. It’s a very dangerous condition that can happen when you get a cut or burn. But you’re being very brave, I’ll see if we can get you a treat later. That is, if your parents are okay with it.”
“gasp Can I daddy?! Pleeeeeeease, I’ve been soooo good.”
I smiled brightly, “Of course you can.”
Dr. Brown was a huge blessing. The guy had been working with kids for a while and was great with Yalga. He was really good at relaxing her and explaining to her what was going on. He was honest and genuine. Salisek really liked him too, and even asked some questions herself. I also remembered him during my reckless years. He recognized me too.
“You’re daddy was quite the troublemaker back in his day.”
“Really?”
“Yup, when he was small he proudly came to me with a broken wrist.”
“Why would he be proud of that?”
“He got it trying to impress his crush.”
Seven-year-old me told you that in confidence.
I awkwardly looked at Salisek, but all she could do was stare and slowly smile while turning to my dad for more information.
“Do you happen to know the full story, dad?” Salisek teased.
“Well daughter, Carlos had a small crush on this girl named Jessica in the second grade and he tried to impress her by jumping off the swing set. He succeeded and flung himself so far into the air that when he landed on his wrist he needed a cast for months.”
“H-Hey! You laugh but it worked. She sat next to me at lunch and gave me her lunchables, that’s like… the pinnacle of love in second grade.”
I earned a laugh from everyone in the room, which almost made me forget that it was at my expense.
“Um, what is a lunchable?” Dr. Triva asked. She was a Zurulian working with Dr. Brown, trying to work with and understand the Arxur biology. While she was important in treating Yalga’s burn with her experience with Harchen Exterminators she would be even more important in trying to understand her condition as a whole. Zurulians have the best medical understanding compared to… pretty much everyone.
“It’s a children’s meal kit for both vegan and non-vegan foods, it’s popular for kids in school lunches.” Dr. Brown took his eyes off his colleague and gave me a sly look. “But let’s be honest, there was never any real meat in those things.”
Yalga’s interests also peaked. “Were they tasty?”
“Back in my day they were the best part of school. They were also a status symbol. Having the best lunchables meant you were the coolest kid.”
“What was the best one, Daddy?”
“Pizza.”
Of course it was pizza. It’s always pizza.
Pizza is God’s gift to the world.
Dr. Triva grabbed the syringe for the shot while Dr. Brown prepped the area. The sight of the needle made Yalga nervous.
“D-Daddy, do we have to…”
“Hey Princess, look at this.”
Yalga took her gaze off the needle and onto my phone where I showed her my favorite distraction.
[Behold Distraction]
“What is that?” Yalga asked. “I like the sounds.”
The legend Zach Choi, his legacy continued by his descendants, loved making short videos of him just cooking. This one was one of the rare ones that didn’t feature meat. Yalga was fully entranced into the process that she didn’t even react to the needle or the bandaid.
“Good job my beautiful pup!” Salisek cheered.
“Yeah… in a minute, mom.”
Dr. Brown chuckled, “I think I should start using those for nervous patients, right Dr. Triva?”
“Yeah… in a minute, Dr. Brown.”
I took my phone away before everyone forgot why they were here and we were ready to proceed. The doctors wanted to really get a look at Yalga and her condition. On the promise of peanut butter cookies and meat lovers pizza Yalga bravely went through all the X-Ray’s, bloodwork, medical history, and any other examinations they needed.
It took a while and she was starting to get frustrated with all the tests, but she persisted, and soon it was over. They allowed us to stay the night to monitor the burn area in case complications arose. So we all stayed in the hospital room, enjoying our time together as if it was a little adventure.
“Mommy look, the bed moves!”
“Pup, please don’t break it.”
Yalga went crazy when she saw how many buttons the hospital bed had, and needless to say, she was enjoying it. She kept Dad occupied with all her questions both about the hospital and about anything else her mind could think of. She was happy to be done with the tests.
“Grandpa, do you think they’ll let me see my bone pictures later?”
“Sure, but they need someone who is trained to look at them first and show them to the doctors.”
“There’s someone who knows how to look at pictures of bones?”
“Yup, they can see things we can because they’re bone smart. Do you wanna be a doctor when you grow up?”
“I dunno. Maybe I can be a doctor for bones, a bone doctor!”
It was nice seeing her happy, but Salisek and I were still worried about what they would find. What would it take to heal Yalga? Could they do it? I think so, but how long will it take? I don’t care about the financial cost, I care about the physical and mental toll it would take on Yalga. But would we have a choice?
I looked to my fiance who was rapidly tapping her foot onto the ground, impatiently waiting for the doctor to come back in and give us the news on Yalga’s condition.
“It can’t be that bad right?” she whispered. “With aid from the Zurualians they must have a way to easily fix Yalga’s condition. So what’s taking them so long?”
“They’re probably just double checking some things. I’m sure it’s nothing.” I could tell she was still stressed, so I held her hand and kissed her cheek. “Our daughter will be fine.”
Salisek tried to keep herself from crying for Yalga’s sake, but had the doctors not finally arrived she might’ve broken.
“Carlos, Salisek? You’re the parents correct?” Dr. Trivia asked. “I’ll just need to see you both very quickly to discuss some things.”
Finally ready for some answers we quickly got up, kissed our baby goodbye for now, and followed the Zurulian to a small room with Dr. Brown.
“Mr. Rodriguez and Mrs., do you prefer to be called Salisek or are you fine with adopting Mrs. Rodriguez?” The doctor politely asked.
“I’m fine with either, but I would like to get used to Mrs. Rodriguez.” I could feel her hand strengthen her grip in mine.
“Wonderful,” Dr. Brown took out a small folder that showed some of Yalga’s X-Rays, notes, and documents. “First things first, your daughter's burns should heal very soon.”
“Courtesy of Zurulian medicine and Harchen Exterminator Accidents.”
“Yes, thank you Dr. Triva. But of course this is not the only information you wanted to know about. The condition of your daughter is concerning. Not only because of the condition of her injuries, but also her condition that allows her body to grow at an exaggerated rate.”
Dr. Triva put the X-Ray slides on a projector for us to see. Seeing Yalga’s bones and how badly they were broken made my stomach turn, and my heart sink. I could hear Salisek’s gasp from how shocked she was.
It looked like a child had rearranged the right side of her body like a poorly constructed jigsaw puzzle. What made things worse was that the other side of her body looked nearly untouched meaning we could see all the damage her sperm donor did. I know how it felt to have broken a few bones as a kid. Her life would’ve been torture for me. I have know idea how she could live like that.
Why didn’t I take her here the moment we got home? How long has she been suffering like this?
“As you can see the limbs that didn’t grow as much were the ones that were injured the most. Trauma can be a factor in how limbs develop,” Dr. Triva explained. “You can see here how the bones didn’t heal correctly. Upon questioning your daughter it’s no question her back holds the most problems, but looking at her arms and legs it’s possible they’re also providing an incredible amount of discomfort and pain.”
Salisek wrapped her tail around my leg nervously. “So, what does this mean?”
“It means,” Dr. Brown continued. “That before we even think about her back we should address what’s going on in the rest of her body. If you look at her pelvic bone you can see it isn’t straight due to her walking on uneven legs for lord knows how long. So we think it would be best to first start realigning the bones as well as doing the appropriate extensions. My only concern is that her accelerated growth may cause complications, so she’ll need to visit here frequently.”
My fiance’s grip tightened as she looked deeper into the X-Rays, “I see. How long will it take for her to recover?”
“Several months, due to the severity of it. We can do the arms and legs separately, but that would be up to you. There’s a possibility it could take longer. We just can’t be certain with her growth, but we’ll have experts working round the clock on her case.”
“I-I see. But you can help her right?”
“We will do all within our power to make sure your daughter is healthy and lives a pain free life.
“Thank you… could you give us a moment. We would like to let our daughter know about it before we make arrangements.”
“Of course. Please let us know when you’re ready.”
We politely walked out of the room and turned around the corner away from where Yalga was.
“Honey?” I asked. “Is everything okay?”
I almost fell over when she pulled me in for a hug. I could barely hear her through her bleats and cry’s. “Look at what that monster did to her.”
First Previous

The Collect
O God, the King of glory, you have exalted your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph to your kingdom in heaven: Do not leave us comfortless, but send us your Holy Spirit to strengthen us, and exalt us to that place where our Savior Christ has gone before; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.
Readings:
Psalm 105:1–22 Zechariah 4
Gospel: Matthew 9:1–8
1 And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.
2 And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.
3 And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.
4 And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts?
5For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?
6But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.
7 And he arose, and departed to his house.
8 But when the multitudes saw it, they marvelled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.
Commentary:
“And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.” (v. 1) Here in these verses, we find a strange if not ironic comparison. On the one side we have those that find his miracles awe inspiring, or as we find in verse 8 where Matthew states in reference to the multitude following and who had witnessed Jesus’ miracles: “theymarvelled, and glorified God.” And on the other hand we see those who hate Jesus, because he dares to upset the status quo that they so coveted.
At the end of the previous chapter, Matthew tells us of his version of Jesus exorcising demons from two men (other Gospels only mention one) on the coast of the Sea of Galilee nearGadarene.As you recall fromother studies, Jesus cast out the demons, who then fled from him, entering into a herd of swine, causing the pigs to run into the sea and drown. The citizens ofGadarenes—upset at the loss of theirswine—asked Jesus to leave. Which brings us toour first verse for today inwhichMatthewtells usJesusagain crossed over the Sea tohis own city,Capernaum;where:
“And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 2-3)
“they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed” Other Gospels explain how the man was brought to Jesus. Because of the crowds, his friends lowered him down to Jesus througha hole inthe roof.
“Jesus’ miracles were not primarily calculated for crowd effect. Instead they were primarily done to minister to the humble needs of humble people. For the most part, most Jewish people of that time would have preferred much more spectacular signs – like calling down fire from heaven upon a Roman Legion.” (Guzik)
“and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy” Jesus was impressed by the faith of the friends of this man. The phrase: “seeing their faith” demonstrates that their faith was so great that they carried this man through the crowds to bring him before Jesus. Again in the other Gospels, (Mark 2:1-12, Luke 5:17-26) we find that their faith was so great, that their belief that Jesus could heal their friend was so strong that when they could not press through the multitude gathered outside, they carried him up onto the roof of the house in which Jesus was in at the time, they tore a hole in the roof and lowered the man down into the midst of the gathering who had come to hear Jesus speak.
We also can assume that the paralyzed man himself had little faith; as Matthew emphasizes “seeing their faith” in that Jesus noted the faith of his friends, not the man with palsy. Therefore it appears that Jesus wanted to encourage this man’s faith by His next words.
“Son, be of good cheer” “With swift sure diagnosis Jesus sees in the man not faith but deep depression…and uttering first a kindly hope-inspiring word, such as a physician might address to a patient: cheer up, child!” (Bruce)
“thy sins be forgiven thee.” “The faith of the paralyzed man’s friends did something – they brought this man to Jesus. Yet they only thought of bringing him to Jesus for the healing of his body. They certainly didn’t think that Jesus would forgive His sins.” (Guzik)
We need not infer that the man was paralyzed as the direct result of some sin that needed forgiving. This did not seem to be Jesus’ point in saying, “your sins are forgiven you.”
Matthew Poole saw six reasons why Jesus dealt with the man’s sin first. To paraphrase Poole’s reasons why the sin was dealt with first:

1. Because sin is the root from which all our evils come.
2. To show that forgiveness is more important than bodily healing.
3. To show that the most important thing Jesus came to do was to deal with sin.
4. To show that when a man’s sins are forgiven, he becomes a son of God.
5. To show that the response to faith is the forgiveness of sin.
6. To begin an important conversation with the scribes and Pharisees.

Those in the crowd who felt they were the keepers of the Law, took offense at Jesus—someone many of them knew had resided in their city for some time—and to them what they perceived as Jesus taking upon himself, an authority reserved for God.
“And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 3)
“They said within themselves, in their hearts, among themselves, in their secret whisperings, This man blasphemeth. See how the greatest instance of heaven's power and grace is branded with the blackest note of hell's enmity; Christ's pardoning sin is termed blasphemy; nor had it been less, if he had not had commission from God for it. They, therefore, are guilty of blasphemy, that have no such commission, and yet pretend to pardon sin.” (Henry)
“certain of the scribes” Not all but a select few; “said within themselves” They didn’t have the courage to speak aloud their treasonous thoughts, which exposedtheir irrational belief that Jesus is but a man, one of their own,Jesushaving spent an indeterminate period of time in Capernaumbefore beginning his ministry.
In John chapter three, verse 2, Nicodemus the Pharisee came under cover of night so that his peers would not see him conversing with Jesus, and he said, “Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him. ”Itshould have been evident, that no mortal man could do the miraculous healings that Jesus did, unless he be sent by God.Nicodemus and presumably others were not so blind that they could not see that Jesus had authority given to him by God, but yet these scribes in Capernaum chose to ignore the obvious and focus on what they perceived to be an infraction of the Law.
While the friends of the sick man had a great deal of faith, enough to touch the heart of Jesus, the scribes had no faith, and could not see something as obvious as Jesus having authority given him by God to heal and to forgive sins. No, they had to be showed the divinity of Christ.
“ He undertakes to make out, that the Son of man, the Mediator, has power on earth to forgive sins; for therefore the Father has committed all judgment to the Son, and has given him this authority, because he is the Son of man, Jn. 5:22, 27. If he has power to give eternal life, as he certainly has (Jn. 17:2), he must have power to forgive sin; for guilt is a bar that must be removed, or we can never get to heaven. What an encouragement is this to poor sinners to repent, that the power of pardoning sin is put into the hands of the Son of man, who is bone of our bone! And if he had this power on earth, much more now that he is exalted to the Father's right hand, to give repentance and remission of sins, and so to be both a Prince and a Saviour,” (Henry)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts? For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.” (vs. 4-6)
“How he proves it, by his power in the kingdom of nature; his power to cure diseases. Is it not as easy to say, Thy sins are forgiven thee, as to say, Arise and walk? He that can cure the disease, whether declaratively as a Prophet, or authoritatively as God, can, in like manner, forgive the sin. Now, This is a general argument to prove that Christ had a divine mission. His miracles, especially his miraculous cures, confirm what he said of himself, that he was the Son of God; the power that appeared in his cures proved him sent of God; and the pity that appeared in them proved him sent of God to heal and save. The God of truth would not set his seal to a lie.” (Ibid)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughtsWherefore think ye evil in your hearts?” This alone should have told them they where in the presence of someone with great power and authority.
“For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?” “Both healing and forgiveness are impossible with man. Yet only the promise of healing could be immediately proven, because though you can’t see someone’s sin being forgiven, you can see that they are healed.” (Guzik)
“This appears to have been founded on Psalm 103:3. Who forgiveth all thine iniquities, and healeth all thy diseases. Here pardon precedes health.” (Clarke)
“But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins” Regarding which is easier to say, “Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk” Jesus answered His own question before the religious leaders did. Since He could make good on His claim to heal the man, it gave proof of His claim to also have the authority to forgive sins.If he had the Godly power to heal, then logically he must also have the power to forgive sins.
“And he arose, and departed to his house. But when the multitudes saw it, they marveled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.” (vs. 7-8) At the man’s healing, the crowd properly gave God the glory for this miracle. Jesus obviously did not draw attention to Himself by the manner in which the healing was done.
At the beginning of this study, we mentioned how the men of Gadarene, were upset that Jesus had exorcised the demons and those entities drove the herd of swine mad and they ran into the sea. These men seemed obvious to the fact that Jesus had cured the possessed men, something an ordinary man could not do. Likewise the scribes of Capernium were oblivious to the many healings Jesus had done, acts that only God could do, and they chose to focus on Jesus having pronounced the sick man’s sins forgiven. However while the men of Gadarene and the scribes of Capernium ignored the divinity of Jesus, we see the people in awe and worshiping God, for having sent his own into their midst.
In the beginning of his Gospel John makes the case in an eloquent and poetic prose that Jesus was with God from the beginning of time, a part of God. Here we see Matthew attempting to make the same argument by illustrating how Jesus demonstrated his divinity and authority by healing and forgiving sins; again obvious acts that only God could authorize.
“ Note, All our wonder should help to enlarge our hearts in glorifying God, who alone does marvellous things. They glorified God for what he had done for this poor man. Others' mercies should be our praises, and we should give him thanks for them, for we are members one of another. God must be glorified in all the power that is given to men to do good.” (Henry)Benediction
Everliving God, whose will it is that all should come to you through your Son Jesus Christ: Inspire our witness to him, that all may know the power of his forgiveness and the hope of his resurrection; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Thought for the Day:
Prayer is the risen Jesus coming in with His resurrection power, given free rein in our lives, and then using His authority to enter any situation and change things.

• Ole Hallesby

The Collect
O God, the King of glory, you have exalted your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph to your kingdom in heaven: Do not leave us comfortless, but send us your Holy Spirit to strengthen us, and exalt us to that place where our Savior Christ has gone before; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.
Readings:
Psalm 105:1–22 Zechariah 4
Gospel: Matthew 9:1–8
1 And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.
2 And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.
3 And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.
4 And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts?
5For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?
6But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.
7 And he arose, and departed to his house.
8 But when the multitudes saw it, they marvelled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.
Commentary:
“And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.” (v. 1) Here in these verses, we find a strange if not ironic comparison. On the one side we have those that find his miracles awe inspiring, or as we find in verse 8 where Matthew states in reference to the multitude following and who had witnessed Jesus’ miracles: “theymarvelled, and glorified God.” And on the other hand we see those who hate Jesus, because he dares to upset the status quo that they so coveted.
At the end of the previous chapter, Matthew tells us of his version of Jesus exorcising demons from two men (other Gospels only mention one) on the coast of the Sea of Galilee nearGadarene.As you recall fromother studies, Jesus cast out the demons, who then fled from him, entering into a herd of swine, causing the pigs to run into the sea and drown. The citizens ofGadarenes—upset at the loss of theirswine—asked Jesus to leave. Which brings us toour first verse for today inwhichMatthewtells usJesusagain crossed over the Sea tohis own city,Capernaum;where:
“And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 2-3)
“they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed” Other Gospels explain how the man was brought to Jesus. Because of the crowds, his friends lowered him down to Jesus througha hole inthe roof.
“Jesus’ miracles were not primarily calculated for crowd effect. Instead they were primarily done to minister to the humble needs of humble people. For the most part, most Jewish people of that time would have preferred much more spectacular signs – like calling down fire from heaven upon a Roman Legion.” (Guzik)
“and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy” Jesus was impressed by the faith of the friends of this man. The phrase: “seeing their faith” demonstrates that their faith was so great that they carried this man through the crowds to bring him before Jesus. Again in the other Gospels, (Mark 2:1-12, Luke 5:17-26) we find that their faith was so great, that their belief that Jesus could heal their friend was so strong that when they could not press through the multitude gathered outside, they carried him up onto the roof of the house in which Jesus was in at the time, they tore a hole in the roof and lowered the man down into the midst of the gathering who had come to hear Jesus speak.
We also can assume that the paralyzed man himself had little faith; as Matthew emphasizes “seeing their faith” in that Jesus noted the faith of his friends, not the man with palsy. Therefore it appears that Jesus wanted to encourage this man’s faith by His next words.
“Son, be of good cheer” “With swift sure diagnosis Jesus sees in the man not faith but deep depression…and uttering first a kindly hope-inspiring word, such as a physician might address to a patient: cheer up, child!” (Bruce)
“thy sins be forgiven thee.” “The faith of the paralyzed man’s friends did something – they brought this man to Jesus. Yet they only thought of bringing him to Jesus for the healing of his body. They certainly didn’t think that Jesus would forgive His sins.” (Guzik)
We need not infer that the man was paralyzed as the direct result of some sin that needed forgiving. This did not seem to be Jesus’ point in saying, “your sins are forgiven you.”
Matthew Poole saw six reasons why Jesus dealt with the man’s sin first. To paraphrase Poole’s reasons why the sin was dealt with first:

1. Because sin is the root from which all our evils come.
2. To show that forgiveness is more important than bodily healing.
3. To show that the most important thing Jesus came to do was to deal with sin.
4. To show that when a man’s sins are forgiven, he becomes a son of God.
5. To show that the response to faith is the forgiveness of sin.
6. To begin an important conversation with the scribes and Pharisees.

Those in the crowd who felt they were the keepers of the Law, took offense at Jesus—someone many of them knew had resided in their city for some time—and to them what they perceived as Jesus taking upon himself, an authority reserved for God.
“And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 3)
“They said within themselves, in their hearts, among themselves, in their secret whisperings, This man blasphemeth. See how the greatest instance of heaven's power and grace is branded with the blackest note of hell's enmity; Christ's pardoning sin is termed blasphemy; nor had it been less, if he had not had commission from God for it. They, therefore, are guilty of blasphemy, that have no such commission, and yet pretend to pardon sin.” (Henry)
“certain of the scribes” Not all but a select few; “said within themselves” They didn’t have the courage to speak aloud their treasonous thoughts, which exposedtheir irrational belief that Jesus is but a man, one of their own,Jesushaving spent an indeterminate period of time in Capernaumbefore beginning his ministry.
In John chapter three, verse 2, Nicodemus the Pharisee came under cover of night so that his peers would not see him conversing with Jesus, and he said, “Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him. ”Itshould have been evident, that no mortal man could do the miraculous healings that Jesus did, unless he be sent by God.Nicodemus and presumably others were not so blind that they could not see that Jesus had authority given to him by God, but yet these scribes in Capernaum chose to ignore the obvious and focus on what they perceived to be an infraction of the Law.
While the friends of the sick man had a great deal of faith, enough to touch the heart of Jesus, the scribes had no faith, and could not see something as obvious as Jesus having authority given him by God to heal and to forgive sins. No, they had to be showed the divinity of Christ.
“ He undertakes to make out, that the Son of man, the Mediator, has power on earth to forgive sins; for therefore the Father has committed all judgment to the Son, and has given him this authority, because he is the Son of man, Jn. 5:22, 27. If he has power to give eternal life, as he certainly has (Jn. 17:2), he must have power to forgive sin; for guilt is a bar that must be removed, or we can never get to heaven. What an encouragement is this to poor sinners to repent, that the power of pardoning sin is put into the hands of the Son of man, who is bone of our bone! And if he had this power on earth, much more now that he is exalted to the Father's right hand, to give repentance and remission of sins, and so to be both a Prince and a Saviour,” (Henry)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts? For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.” (vs. 4-6)
“How he proves it, by his power in the kingdom of nature; his power to cure diseases. Is it not as easy to say, Thy sins are forgiven thee, as to say, Arise and walk? He that can cure the disease, whether declaratively as a Prophet, or authoritatively as God, can, in like manner, forgive the sin. Now, This is a general argument to prove that Christ had a divine mission. His miracles, especially his miraculous cures, confirm what he said of himself, that he was the Son of God; the power that appeared in his cures proved him sent of God; and the pity that appeared in them proved him sent of God to heal and save. The God of truth would not set his seal to a lie.” (Ibid)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughtsWherefore think ye evil in your hearts?” This alone should have told them they where in the presence of someone with great power and authority.
“For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?” “Both healing and forgiveness are impossible with man. Yet only the promise of healing could be immediately proven, because though you can’t see someone’s sin being forgiven, you can see that they are healed.” (Guzik)
“This appears to have been founded on Psalm 103:3. Who forgiveth all thine iniquities, and healeth all thy diseases. Here pardon precedes health.” (Clarke)
“But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins” Regarding which is easier to say, “Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk” Jesus answered His own question before the religious leaders did. Since He could make good on His claim to heal the man, it gave proof of His claim to also have the authority to forgive sins.If he had the Godly power to heal, then logically he must also have the power to forgive sins.
“And he arose, and departed to his house. But when the multitudes saw it, they marveled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.” (vs. 7-8) At the man’s healing, the crowd properly gave God the glory for this miracle. Jesus obviously did not draw attention to Himself by the manner in which the healing was done.
At the beginning of this study, we mentioned how the men of Gadarene, were upset that Jesus had exorcised the demons and those entities drove the herd of swine mad and they ran into the sea. These men seemed obvious to the fact that Jesus had cured the possessed men, something an ordinary man could not do. Likewise the scribes of Capernium were oblivious to the many healings Jesus had done, acts that only God could do, and they chose to focus on Jesus having pronounced the sick man’s sins forgiven. However while the men of Gadarene and the scribes of Capernium ignored the divinity of Jesus, we see the people in awe and worshiping God, for having sent his own into their midst.
In the beginning of his Gospel John makes the case in an eloquent and poetic prose that Jesus was with God from the beginning of time, a part of God. Here we see Matthew attempting to make the same argument by illustrating how Jesus demonstrated his divinity and authority by healing and forgiving sins; again obvious acts that only God could authorize.
“ Note, All our wonder should help to enlarge our hearts in glorifying God, who alone does marvellous things. They glorified God for what he had done for this poor man. Others' mercies should be our praises, and we should give him thanks for them, for we are members one of another. God must be glorified in all the power that is given to men to do good.” (Henry)Benediction
Everliving God, whose will it is that all should come to you through your Son Jesus Christ: Inspire our witness to him, that all may know the power of his forgiveness and the hope of his resurrection; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Thought for the Day:
Prayer is the risen Jesus coming in with His resurrection power, given free rein in our lives, and then using His authority to enter any situation and change things.

• Ole Hallesby

The Collect
O God, the King of glory, you have exalted your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph to your kingdom in heaven: Do not leave us comfortless, but send us your Holy Spirit to strengthen us, and exalt us to that place where our Savior Christ has gone before; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.
Readings:
Psalm 105:1–22 Zechariah 4
Gospel: Matthew 9:1–8
1 And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.
2 And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.
3 And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.
4 And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts?
5For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?
6But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.
7 And he arose, and departed to his house.
8 But when the multitudes saw it, they marvelled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.
Commentary:
“And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.” (v. 1) Here in these verses, we find a strange if not ironic comparison. On the one side we have those that find his miracles awe inspiring, or as we find in verse 8 where Matthew states in reference to the multitude following and who had witnessed Jesus’ miracles: “theymarvelled, and glorified God.” And on the other hand we see those who hate Jesus, because he dares to upset the status quo that they so coveted.
At the end of the previous chapter, Matthew tells us of his version of Jesus exorcising demons from two men (other Gospels only mention one) on the coast of the Sea of Galilee nearGadarene.As you recall fromother studies, Jesus cast out the demons, who then fled from him, entering into a herd of swine, causing the pigs to run into the sea and drown. The citizens ofGadarenes—upset at the loss of theirswine—asked Jesus to leave. Which brings us toour first verse for today inwhichMatthewtells usJesusagain crossed over the Sea tohis own city,Capernaum;where:
“And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 2-3)
“they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed” Other Gospels explain how the man was brought to Jesus. Because of the crowds, his friends lowered him down to Jesus througha hole inthe roof.
“Jesus’ miracles were not primarily calculated for crowd effect. Instead they were primarily done to minister to the humble needs of humble people. For the most part, most Jewish people of that time would have preferred much more spectacular signs – like calling down fire from heaven upon a Roman Legion.” (Guzik)
“and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy” Jesus was impressed by the faith of the friends of this man. The phrase: “seeing their faith” demonstrates that their faith was so great that they carried this man through the crowds to bring him before Jesus. Again in the other Gospels, (Mark 2:1-12, Luke 5:17-26) we find that their faith was so great, that their belief that Jesus could heal their friend was so strong that when they could not press through the multitude gathered outside, they carried him up onto the roof of the house in which Jesus was in at the time, they tore a hole in the roof and lowered the man down into the midst of the gathering who had come to hear Jesus speak.
We also can assume that the paralyzed man himself had little faith; as Matthew emphasizes “seeing their faith” in that Jesus noted the faith of his friends, not the man with palsy. Therefore it appears that Jesus wanted to encourage this man’s faith by His next words.
“Son, be of good cheer” “With swift sure diagnosis Jesus sees in the man not faith but deep depression…and uttering first a kindly hope-inspiring word, such as a physician might address to a patient: cheer up, child!” (Bruce)
“thy sins be forgiven thee.” “The faith of the paralyzed man’s friends did something – they brought this man to Jesus. Yet they only thought of bringing him to Jesus for the healing of his body. They certainly didn’t think that Jesus would forgive His sins.” (Guzik)
We need not infer that the man was paralyzed as the direct result of some sin that needed forgiving. This did not seem to be Jesus’ point in saying, “your sins are forgiven you.”
Matthew Poole saw six reasons why Jesus dealt with the man’s sin first. To paraphrase Poole’s reasons why the sin was dealt with first:

1. Because sin is the root from which all our evils come.
2. To show that forgiveness is more important than bodily healing.
3. To show that the most important thing Jesus came to do was to deal with sin.
4. To show that when a man’s sins are forgiven, he becomes a son of God.
5. To show that the response to faith is the forgiveness of sin.
6. To begin an important conversation with the scribes and Pharisees.

Those in the crowd who felt they were the keepers of the Law, took offense at Jesus—someone many of them knew had resided in their city for some time—and to them what they perceived as Jesus taking upon himself, an authority reserved for God.
“And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 3)
“They said within themselves, in their hearts, among themselves, in their secret whisperings, This man blasphemeth. See how the greatest instance of heaven's power and grace is branded with the blackest note of hell's enmity; Christ's pardoning sin is termed blasphemy; nor had it been less, if he had not had commission from God for it. They, therefore, are guilty of blasphemy, that have no such commission, and yet pretend to pardon sin.” (Henry)
“certain of the scribes” Not all but a select few; “said within themselves” They didn’t have the courage to speak aloud their treasonous thoughts, which exposedtheir irrational belief that Jesus is but a man, one of their own,Jesushaving spent an indeterminate period of time in Capernaumbefore beginning his ministry.
In John chapter three, verse 2, Nicodemus the Pharisee came under cover of night so that his peers would not see him conversing with Jesus, and he said, “Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him. ”Itshould have been evident, that no mortal man could do the miraculous healings that Jesus did, unless he be sent by God.Nicodemus and presumably others were not so blind that they could not see that Jesus had authority given to him by God, but yet these scribes in Capernaum chose to ignore the obvious and focus on what they perceived to be an infraction of the Law.
While the friends of the sick man had a great deal of faith, enough to touch the heart of Jesus, the scribes had no faith, and could not see something as obvious as Jesus having authority given him by God to heal and to forgive sins. No, they had to be showed the divinity of Christ.
“ He undertakes to make out, that the Son of man, the Mediator, has power on earth to forgive sins; for therefore the Father has committed all judgment to the Son, and has given him this authority, because he is the Son of man, Jn. 5:22, 27. If he has power to give eternal life, as he certainly has (Jn. 17:2), he must have power to forgive sin; for guilt is a bar that must be removed, or we can never get to heaven. What an encouragement is this to poor sinners to repent, that the power of pardoning sin is put into the hands of the Son of man, who is bone of our bone! And if he had this power on earth, much more now that he is exalted to the Father's right hand, to give repentance and remission of sins, and so to be both a Prince and a Saviour,” (Henry)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts? For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.” (vs. 4-6)
“How he proves it, by his power in the kingdom of nature; his power to cure diseases. Is it not as easy to say, Thy sins are forgiven thee, as to say, Arise and walk? He that can cure the disease, whether declaratively as a Prophet, or authoritatively as God, can, in like manner, forgive the sin. Now, This is a general argument to prove that Christ had a divine mission. His miracles, especially his miraculous cures, confirm what he said of himself, that he was the Son of God; the power that appeared in his cures proved him sent of God; and the pity that appeared in them proved him sent of God to heal and save. The God of truth would not set his seal to a lie.” (Ibid)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughtsWherefore think ye evil in your hearts?” This alone should have told them they where in the presence of someone with great power and authority.
“For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?” “Both healing and forgiveness are impossible with man. Yet only the promise of healing could be immediately proven, because though you can’t see someone’s sin being forgiven, you can see that they are healed.” (Guzik)
“This appears to have been founded on Psalm 103:3. Who forgiveth all thine iniquities, and healeth all thy diseases. Here pardon precedes health.” (Clarke)
“But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins” Regarding which is easier to say, “Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk” Jesus answered His own question before the religious leaders did. Since He could make good on His claim to heal the man, it gave proof of His claim to also have the authority to forgive sins.If he had the Godly power to heal, then logically he must also have the power to forgive sins.
“And he arose, and departed to his house. But when the multitudes saw it, they marveled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.” (vs. 7-8) At the man’s healing, the crowd properly gave God the glory for this miracle. Jesus obviously did not draw attention to Himself by the manner in which the healing was done.
At the beginning of this study, we mentioned how the men of Gadarene, were upset that Jesus had exorcised the demons and those entities drove the herd of swine mad and they ran into the sea. These men seemed obvious to the fact that Jesus had cured the possessed men, something an ordinary man could not do. Likewise the scribes of Capernium were oblivious to the many healings Jesus had done, acts that only God could do, and they chose to focus on Jesus having pronounced the sick man’s sins forgiven. However while the men of Gadarene and the scribes of Capernium ignored the divinity of Jesus, we see the people in awe and worshiping God, for having sent his own into their midst.
In the beginning of his Gospel John makes the case in an eloquent and poetic prose that Jesus was with God from the beginning of time, a part of God. Here we see Matthew attempting to make the same argument by illustrating how Jesus demonstrated his divinity and authority by healing and forgiving sins; again obvious acts that only God could authorize.
“ Note, All our wonder should help to enlarge our hearts in glorifying God, who alone does marvellous things. They glorified God for what he had done for this poor man. Others' mercies should be our praises, and we should give him thanks for them, for we are members one of another. God must be glorified in all the power that is given to men to do good.” (Henry)Benediction
Everliving God, whose will it is that all should come to you through your Son Jesus Christ: Inspire our witness to him, that all may know the power of his forgiveness and the hope of his resurrection; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Thought for the Day:
Prayer is the risen Jesus coming in with His resurrection power, given free rein in our lives, and then using His authority to enter any situation and change things.

• Ole Hallesby

For most Americans, college is no longer working. A bachelor's degree doesn’t reliably guarantee what universities say it delivers: an investment that prepares you for the workplace and the world. While the income gap between college and high school grads is well documented, the wealth gap is “indistinguishable from zero” due to unconstrained costs, regardless of race or ethnicity. Put differently, college grads will earn more but because of their student loans, they’ll have the same amount in their bank account as someone who didn’t go to college at all¹ . Barely one in ten (11%) business leaders believe that college graduates have the skills and competencies that their workplaces need² . Instead, employers report recent hires showing up without the requisite skills required to contribute as productive employees³.
Traditional universities spend more on non-instructional initiatives like research and athletics instead of developing knowledge and skills that prepare its students. Today, 1M students annually report that they didn’t enroll or they dropped out of college because of the cost⁴ . Americans carry $1.8T in student loan debt while universities have increased the cost of tuition by 30-40%⁵ since 2010. Economists report that over the next ten years, businesses will have increasingly more job openings for college graduates with no adequate supply⁶ . Additionally, as artificial intelligence threatens jobs across industries, humans will be pushed up or out – up to more intellectually intensive and integrative roles, or out of the workforce altogether. Our nation’s economy needs a sustainable, accessible, and effective approach to college if we’re to compete globally.
SOLUTION Polymath University will produce more-prepared graduates through a three-major curriculum, delivered year-round and remotely to same-city cohorts, who will serve apprenticeships en route to graduation in three years.
A polymath is someone who has built depth, breadth, and integration of knowledge. Specifically, polymaths can operate fluently and with expertise (depth) in three or more non-adjacent domains (breadth), and have built the critical skill of applying concepts and frameworks in one domain to complex problems in other domains (integration). Polymath University empowers leaders and problem solvers to thrive in a more complex and technologically-enabled world.
RANGE Polymath University’s approach to education, and its namesake, is built on ensuring that graduates are curious, creative, collaborative, and critically-minded. Polymaths have been proven to be more creative and more adept at solving complex problems, and more resilient against economic shocks⁷. Building a broad, generalist field of knowledge and expertise, as opposed to the hyper-specialization that traditional higher education encourages, makes graduates more valuable in the world and workplace. According to a 2012 study of serial innovators⁸, polymaths are described as having a high tolerance for ambiguity and as systems thinkers. Polymaths can connect disparate pieces of information in new ways, making them highly effective at innovative problem solving. And they are adept at repurposing what is already available and synthesizing information from many different sources.⁹ A Future of Jobs report highlighted the following skills being increasingly demanded by employers (all of which polymaths excel at): creative thinking; analytical thinking; technological literacy; curiosity and lifelong learning; resilience, flexibility, and agility; and systems thinking.¹⁰
REAL-WORLD APPRENTICESHIPS Polymath University will partner with employers to ensure that its degree programs serve the talent acquisition needs of regional business and organizations, and that those degrees include skill development that is often short-changed by traditional universities. In years two and three, students will serve as apprentices with those employer partners in high-demand, early career roles. Across the country, more employers are building apprenticeship programs as a key part of their talent acquisition strategy, with Department of Labor registered apprenticeships doubling since 2010 to 250,000. Many of these employers pay some or all of the tuition for their apprentices to concurrently earn a college degree.
REMOTE Educational outcomes lead all other priorities for Polymath University, and we must hold this as our north star. This means that the most important activity for faculty will be teaching or the associated development through coaching and mentoring their students. As Polymath University is led by the former CEO of the Pat Tillman Foundation, and counts ten Tillman Scholars on its Advisory Board, the Tillman Scholar community will seed Polymath University’s initial set of faculty, drawing on their service and academic experiences to support student learning. Courses will be delivered remotely, but to same-city cohorts that will facilitate week-long immersive and collaborative in-person experiences as well as informal study groups throughout the year, unlocking persistent relationships and networks within our community.
Learn more at PolymathU.org.
highereducation college education HigherEd StudentLoans Polymath Leadership apprenticeship Apprenticeships University talentdevelopment
¹ Emmons, William R.; Kent, Ana H.; and Ricketts, Lowell R. “Is College Still Worth It? The New Calculus of Falling Returns.” Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis, Working Paper, Jan. 7, 2019.
² Gallup-Lumina Foundation Poll on Higher Education; Higher Education’s Work Preparedness Paradox. 2013. Gallup; Lumina Foundation.
³ Hansen, Michael. “The U.S. Education System Isn’t Giving Students What Employers Need.” Harvard Business Review, May 18, 2021.
⁴ https://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=75
⁵ Kerr, Emma; Wood, Sarah. “A Look at 20 Years of Tuition Costs at National Universities.” U.S. News & World Report. Sep. 23, 2023
⁶ Tough, Paul. “Americans Are Losing Faith in the Value of College. Whose Fault Is That?” NYT, Sep. 5, 2023
⁷ Hanks, Andrew; Jiang, Shengjun; Qian, Xuechao; Wang, Bo; Weinberg, Bruce. (2024). Do Double Majors Face Less Risk? An Analysis of Human Capital Diversification. NBER.
⁸ Vojak, Bruce; Griffin, Abbie; Price, Raymond L. (2012). Serial Innovators: How Individuals Create and Deliver Breakthrough Innovations in Mature Firms. Stanford, Stanford University Press.
⁹ Epstein, D. J. (2019). Range: why generalists triumph in a specialized world. New York, Riverhead Books.
¹⁰ Future of Jobs Report; World Economic Forum. 2023.