Go kart body

I’m not too sure if this is the right place to post this. Hell, I don’t know if anyone’s even gonna see it. I want to start this off by saying that this story isn’t to be taken lightly. I don’t want you to read this and try to copy what is done, instead take it as a warning. A warning to never play this game, a warning I wish I had gotten before I made that mistake.
I lived almost my entire life in the middle of Delaware, if you forgot that was a state I wouldn’t blame you. In my neighborhood there were 3 kids I always played with everyday. Kyle, Jimmy, and Seth. Our houses were close enough to each other that we played together whenever we had the chance.
We did all the typical things a couple 13 year old boys would do. Swimming in the local pool, going to the Walmart and buying nothing, or just hang in one of our basements and being jack-asses. It was almost a Disney-like childhood. Sleepovers were nothing new for us, I think we had one almost every weekend. What was new was not having any parents there to watch us.
Seth offered to host the next one and included that his parents were gonna be gone for the night. They were staying down at the beach and told Seth it would be fine for him to invite us over. Fine for him, not so much for the rest of us. I think me and the other guys pleaded and begged our parent’s multiple times to let us go.
Our parents knew each other and trusted us but the idea of 4 pre-pubescent boys being alone in a house was any parents worse nightmare. Somehow, by the grace of god, they agreed the night before. After all this time, I still wish they had denied us. Maybe things would have ended differently.
I wanna tell you about the events that happened that night that changed me into who I am. It changed my life and every families that was involved in it. This is the night I played Hide and Seek with my friends.
“Hide and Seek? Won’t that get boring with just 4 of us?” I asked suspiciously as I took a handful of Doritos from the bowl on the table. It was about 10:30pm when Kyle suggested we play a game so we could try and stay up later.
“Yeah man and besides, we have an Xbox.” Jimmy pointed out. Seth came walking down the basement with some sodas in hand, almost dropping the cans
“What are you guys talking about? You better not be thinking of touching my controller with your greasy hands Jimmy, not after last time.”
“It was an accident! I got you a new one.” Jimmy responded before chuckling a bit.
“No guys, I saw this on the internet a few nights ago. We have to try it.” Kyle said. He almost sounded like he was pleading with us.
Kyle was always the kind of kid to believe in spooky things. Ghost, werewolves, demons. You name it, Kyle probably believed it. I remember one time he somehow got us all to go in the woods with him during the winter to look for dog people that a YouTuber said was out near us. We all got the flu after that.
“Oh god, another one of these? Is it gonna be like that dog thing again?” Seth chimed in.
“It’s not like that, this one is real. I promise dude.” Kyle seemed genuine about it. I almost felt bad as the other guys called him stupid for it.
“Alright man, we try your game for a bit. Then if it’s a bust, we play Xbox.” I suggested. Kyles face lite up as he got some paper out of his bag.
“Who said you were in charge of deciding when to play my Xbox?” Seth questioned. I just shushed him as Kyle got some more stuff out of his bag. Candles, lighters, a knife. I would have hated to see what would happen if we said no to his idea.
“Alright, first. We gotta turn all the lights off. Not a single one can be on during the game.” We looked at each other before we went off to get the house started. I had been in Seth’s house almost as much as mine but there’s strangeness to it when the lights were all off. We got back to the basement where we found Kyle lighting the candles and placing them on the ground around the paper. As we sat around him I could see some words on the paper. “Ready or Not, here it comes”
“What’s that for?” I pointed as Kyle placed the last candle down.
“That’s to start the game. I saw these Indian guys play it and they said you have to start the game just like this or it doesn’t work.” Kyle answered as he slowly pulled the knife up and turned to face us.
“Now, we have to cut ourselves.”
“Like Sarah from home room?” Jimmy chuckled
“I thought that was a rumor?” Seth remarked as he leaned towards Jimmy
“Guys! Focus! Just a small prick on your finger. Then you put it on the paper.” Kyle demanded as he slowly pressed the knife tip into his finger
“This feels very, extreme. Is this safe to play?” I asked, seeing Kyle whence as blood slowly pooled on the top of his finger
“I think so, the guys seemed like they were having fun when they did it.” He held the knife towards me next, the guys watched as I reluctantly took the knife and plucked my finger. I did encourage us to play this for Kyle sake, I couldn’t chicken out now. The other two did the same, Jimmy had more tears then the rest of us but when he finished he handed the knife back to Kyle.
“Now?” Seth asked, rubbing his finger on his Pokémon pajama bottoms.
“Now, repeat after me.” We all listened to Kyle and repeated
“ 1, 2, 3. Ready or not, come find me.” We stared at each other. Silence filled the basement as our eyes kept darting to see if anything happened.
“Do you hear that?” Seth whispered We listened as the most quiet fart escaped him. He fell on his back and laughed. Jimmy joined him and so did I. We laughed and laughed, I looked to see if Kyle found it as amusing but was met with sadness. He looked almost heart broken, I knew he lived for these kinda things and for it to not work most have broken him. I moved to him and smiled
“Hey, at least we didn’t have to sit out in negative degrees to get results this time huh?” He smiled slight back
“Yeah I guess you’re right. I don’t know how those guys made it look so convincing.”
“CGI probably, my dad says that’s how most things are done like that.” Seth said as he got up to go turn the light back on. Before he hit the switch, a loud thud filled the room. I’ll never forget the look on his face as he rushed back to the floor where we were all sitting.
“W-what was that?” Jimmy whispered to me. I didn’t know what to say until Kyle reluctantly chimed in.
“It’s him, the seeker.” We sat still as another thud could be heard. Like it was right above us.
“What the fuck dude? S-Seth? Did you invite someone else over? Duncan or Josh maybe?” Jimmy was frantic with his questions as his eyes filled with tears.
“No, it’s him.” Kyle answered before Seth could respond.
“Who?” I asked
“The seeker. The person who plays the game with us.”
“Well tell him we don’t wanna play anymore.” Seth demanded, making sure to keep his voice down.
“We can’t, they said he plays until everyone is found.”
“What do you mean until we’re found?” I asked, I kept looking at the stairs. My brain was trying to wrap around what was happening while also trying to keep reason in it.
“It’s like hide and seek. We play until we’re all found or he can’t find us.” Kyle answered
“Ok, let’s go get found so the game can be over.” Seth tried to stand before Kyle pulled him down.
“No, we don’t wanna be found. Bad things happen if we’re found.” Kyle looked at the carpet as he said it. The thud got louder, almost like it was searching the house.
“Ok, ok. Then we should just stay down here right? If we hide down here it won’t find us….h-how long do we have to hide man?” I stuttered as I waited for Kyle to answer.
“I…I don’t know.”
We sat there in silence, thuds and crashes from upstairs made the silence somehow louder. I had wished it was all a prank. Seth and Jimmy loved pulling those and Kyle was usually the target for them. But I knew it wasn’t that, I knew this was real. I don’t know how it was but at that moment there was something upstairs, tearing the house apart trying to find us.
We stayed like that until Seth finally spoke “Let’s run.”
“What?” Kyle mumbled out, his face covered by his hands. Tears were rolling down his cheeks.
“Let’s run, the doors not to far from the basement entrance. We unlock it and run to a neighbors.” Seth looked for nods or any sign of agreement. Jimmy nodded and I slowly shook yes. I looked at Kyle, grabbing his leg and squeezing it.
“Come on man, we’re definitely faster than it. We’ll be out before it even sees us.” I smiled at him.
He looked up and slowly smiled, nodding. We all slowly moved to the base of the basement stairs. Looking down into a dark basement is scary, but looking up into a dark house is another whole kind of fear. I don’t know how long we took going up those steps but it felt like ages, we were slowly ascending into what could be our end. Seth held the doorknob and just stared at it. I knew he didn’t wanna be the one to open it, to potentially be the one to see what ever it was that was on the other side. I scooted around Jimmy and slowly turned to knob.
The door silently opened, the house was almost pitch dark. The only light we had was from the moon herself, shining into the windows and illuminating the destroyed house. He quietly but quickly moved towards the front door. I peered into the living room to see the chairs and couches turned upside down, some side table doors ripped off they hinges.
“Hurry up man.” Jimmy urged Seth on as he fumbled slightly with the deadbolt. I looked to see Kyle slight behind, close to the basement door. I moved over to get him ready to run
“Let’s go Kyle, we gotta get-“ I almost finished my words as I watched his face turn from scared to horrified. I turned slightly to see Jimmy on the floor crawling away from the door.
I’m not sure even after all this time how to describe what we saw that night. I had wished it was just a man. Some man that was in the house with us but it sadly wasn’t. The best I can try and give a description is to think of a Picasso painting. It had a crookedness to it. Its arm jagged and legs crumbled as it towered over Seth. Seth didn’t move, he didn’t try and fight. All he could do was stand there and look up to see its eyes peering down at him. It picked Seth up and like a rag doll threw him into the living room. A mean and disgusting noise came from his body as he hit the wall of the fireplace. I quickly got Jimmy to his feet and Kyle to snap out of his gaze. Me and Kyle ran to the bathroom as Jimmy made his to the kitchen. I locked the door as I tried to catch my own heart from jumping out my chest. “J-Jimmy? Where-“
My question was shortly answered as I heard Jimmy whimpering and crying outside the room. I unlocked the door and peaked out the crack. I watched “it” linger its way towards him and all I could hear was wet sounds. I quickly shut the door and relocked it. My mind didn’t really process what had just happened in what couldn’t have been more than 3 minutes. My two friends I had been with almost my entire life were gone, just like that. I sat on the cold tile floor as I listened to the thudding from outside. My breathing was dull as I looked to see Kyle shaking by the toilet. I slowly moved my self over and gave him a hug. I knew what he was thinking, I knew the horrible things he was saying to himself in his mind. I didn’t know how to tell him that what was happening wasn’t his fault. I’m not sure that even now I could find the words to tell him that.
“We’ll be fine, we just gotta stay here. It won’t find us.” I tried to reassure him.
“No, it will find us. We can’t stay here.”
“Kyle, Seth and Jimmy are dead. We can’t go back out there and run. I don’t know why we thought it would work.”
“No we…we…I need to get to the basement.” Kyle said, he looked up at me.
“Why? It’s a dead end there. It will-“
“Maybe, I can try and end the game. Rip the paper up…something, I don’t know.” I didn’t know what to say.
On one hand it was the only idea we had besides hiding and waiting to be found. On the other, I couldn’t bring myself to put that hope in his mind. To encourage him just to watch as it fails, He knew this as he came to his own conclusion.
“I’ll go down there, and you head for the coat closet. If it doesn’t work I’ll run back up and I’ll head there to hide with you. Ok?” He nodded to himself. I just stared at him as I nodded back slight. We stood up and slowly unlocked the door. It wasn’t anywhere we could see, which made it all more frightening. We slowly made our way to the basement door
“Good Luck” I whispered to him. He smiled and went our separate ways in the house. I quickly got in the coat closet that was almost directly in front of the basement door, and Kyle made his way down stairs.
That was the last I saw of Kyle, it wasn’t long after I heard loud thudding outside the closet door that quickly went down the stairs. All I could do was sit there, and listen as I heard the silent screams and the pounding of flesh over and over and over again. Soon the hits became more wet, and the screams became more silent.
I sat in the closet and accepted my fate. I slight covered myself with a fallen coat as I heard the thudding move around the house. It was only a matter of time before it got me, before it ripped the door open and I would be met with its horrifying figure. I looked out the slits of the closet door and saw the moon light shining through the windows.
I’m not sure when I fell asleep or even how I did. My body must have been so exhausted that it decided sleep was more important than survival. My eyes slowly opened to see daylight peering though the house. The night was gone and the day had come to save me. Although I was relieved I still forced my eyes shut. The small amount of what I saw was enough to make me do it. I saw the closet door was open, I didn’t wanna have them open as it might slowly peer from the corner and look at me. I didn’t want my last image to be that. I just kept them closed and covered my ears. And then I felt it. Thuds.
I could feel the thudding get closer, closer, closer. Two hands grabbed me, this was it. My flight or fight kicked in and I started to fight. Kicking, hitting, screaming. Anything I could think of I was doing.
“Calm down son, calm down. You’re safe.” Those words hit me like a wall, a calmness I hadn’t felt since the day before came over me. My eyes slowly opened to see the face of a young man kneeling in front of me, his hands holding my arms. He was a police officer.
“It’s gonna be alright.” He reassured me again as he slowly brought me to my feet. He walked me out of the closet and faintly said “Keep your eyes down kid, I’ll lead you out.” I think he said it more for himself, cause I knew what he didn’t want me to see.
Seth was laying in the living room, he’s body bruised from the impact with the wall and his bones broken.Jimmy was on the kitchen counter, multiple wounds and slashes were found on him. Kyle…I’m not sure what really happened to him. The reports on his body never came out. I just know I’ll never forget those sounds from when I hid in the closet.
Seth’s parents moved away almost immediately after the incident. Just left, didn’t take a single thing from that house. It was later taken down, I guess no one wanted to live in a house where something like that could happen.
I saw Jimmy and Kyles parents every once and awhile when I walked around the neighborhood. They would give me small smiles and waves and I would return them back. No more, no less. After high school I moved away for college, my parents knew why and never argued that I should stay closer.
That was a little more than 15 years ago. Few weeks back my dad called to tell me mom had passed away. He offered if I wanted to stay at home for the funeral, stay in my old room. I hesitated. I thought of that night every day for the past 15 years, never really bringing myself to wanna be back in that neighborhood. I refused and opted for a hotel a few miles away in town.
And that’s where I am now, in my bed writing my tale. I want you to take it as a warning, cause as I write this I know I’m not alone. It’s here, it’s in the closet of the hotel room. I can just make out its outline. It’s crooked legs crouching to fit inside, its arms slight poking out from some clothes, and its eyes staring at me. It knows I see it, and it knows I’m writing about that night. I’m not sure why now it decided to finish the game from all those years ago but here we are. Once I finish and close my laptop, it will kill me. My father will have to bury his son just moments after burying my mother.
I say this again, this tale is a warning. If I could I would go back and tell myself to never play that game. I would tell my parents to never let us have that sleep over. I would do everything in my power to stop that night from happening, to be able to save my friends. So please, I beg and plead to you, don’t play this game. Cause if you do, whether your ready or not…
He’s coming to find you

There's a saying in the horror genre, they always say it's all in your head or it's all a dream, but my recent experience was neither of those, it was very real, and almost cost me my life, I used to be a night person, staying up from 12am to 3am, and I would take walks on occasion, but never again after what happened a couple weeks ago.
So one night, I decided to go for a walk during 12am to clear my mind over a fight I had with one of my ex friends, I walked down the small suburb near my town, I knew the town like the back of my hand, once I got to the park, I saw something that wasn't there before, a tall 18ft statue with red hair, big pupils and barely visible irises, a wide grin, and the statue had it's hand raised, like it's welcoming the guests of the park, I walked past the statue and I swear, in the corner of my eye, I could see it staring directly at me, but when I turned to look, it looked back ahead, I was getting weirded out already, so I decided to head back home.
I decided to take the long way home, near the grocery store and up the hillside road, once I reached the top of the hill, I started hearing some sort of footsteps, booming footsteps, like a giant or big creature, I shrugged it off to be my mind playing tricks on me, but oh boy... It wasn't my mind, once the footsteps got closer, I groaned in annoyance and turned around, expecting to see nothing or a crazy person, but it was neither of those, it was the statue, slumped down to my level, staring directly at me, I slowly backed away, scared shitless, then what happened next made my skin completely pale, it's mouth opened, still maintaining that smile, and I saw teeth... Razor sharp teeth, at least 3 rows of it, this thing wasn't a living statue... It was a legit monster, it suddenly screeched at me and I knew I had to start running, so that's what I did.
I could hear the booming footsteps of the creature growing closer and closer, I was scared for my entire life, running as fast as my legs could take me, suddenly I was pushed by the creature, which led to my arm getting scraped against the pavement, I groaned in pain and held my arm tightly, I looked up at the towering monster, as it planned to eat me alive, but before it could, my arm hit a rock that was beside me, with no time to lose, I grabbed the rock and yelled at the monster. "Asta La Vesta bitch!" I threw the rock at the monster, hitting it square in the face, it roared in pain and fell back, now's my chance, I ran back to my house with all the energy in my body remaining, once I entered my house, I locked every entrance of the house so the monster wouldn't break in.
I slumped onto the couch, out of breath, tired, and thirsty, I had time to think to myself. "What the hell was that thing, why did it attack me?!" I said to myself, I looked at my now bleeding arm from the pavement scraping, I sighed, got up, and headed to the bathroom, quickly though because I heard the creature's booming footsteps, once I got done patching myself up, I went to the kitchen to get a can of diet coke, once I did, I heard thumping on the window, I was scared to look, but a sudden bang made me, trembling, I turned to the window, and of course, the monster was there, still maintaining that sinister smile, it simply waved at me, then walked off into the woods, I quickly closed the curtains and hid in my bedroom, not coming out till daytime.
Once the sun beamed through my certain, I felt a little relieved, then took a 30 minute nap, once I woke up, I had a news report notification, my instinct was to ignore it, but the contents of the news report made me stop myself, the image was the monster, laying on it's belly, blood on it's skin, the article headline read "Statue Of Park Found Bleeding And Laying Behind The Grocery Store." After I read the whole article, I heard a knock on the door, hesitant, I went to check it out, I noticed a piece of paper near the door, I assumed it slid it underneath the door, still hesitant, I picked it up and read what was on it, it only said 4 words... "Bow To The Silencer..."
I will never be a night person ever again...

Howdy fellow CC community, I'm new to posting here. I'm a scientist who still takes Covid precautions. Most obvious to friends, family, and colleagues are my ever-present Aura masks. I also haven't eaten in a restaurant since early 2020. When I have to go to a work dinner, I hang out in a mask and take the food to go.
For background, my main motivation to avoid Covid has been concern around Long Covid, especially given the fact that I already deal with long-haul tickborne infections. I'm not looking to collect chronic illnesses like Pokemon.
I was motivated to post this partly because of the dismay around the recent unmasked scientists pictures. I'm neither a celebrity scientist nor a medical doctor, but I am one more person with scientific training who is absolutely not going to take my mask off. And now I have even more reason to say that...
Obviously, based on my post title, in spite of my precautions, I got Covid (thanks to non-optional work travel). Having now been quite sick for almost 3 weeks, in spite of taking both Pax and metformin, I just wanted to say that I would continue to mask and take other precautions indefinitely *even if LC were not a concern* (to be clear, it is). This is the sickest I have ever been from a virus in terms of a composite of duration & severity. My body is obviously having a very tough time clearing SARS2 and it's not surprising to me at all that there may be long-term viral reservoirs that cause ongoing damage. Not a cold, not the flu.
tl;dr Avoiding LC has been my main motivation for being CC, but now that I've experienced acute Covid, avoiding the *acute phase alone* completely justifies CC behavior in my view. With both considerations together, being CC is a no-brainer.

recently i've been trying to go through my memories from start to finish in an effort to understand myself more. it's a sort of self narrative therapy. in doing this i uncovered what i believe to be a sort of proto-memory. from now on i'll refer to this as "memory 0".
here is what i remember of memory 0 from start to finish; i was simply floating in a void, unthinking. i could feel my own human body, or at least i knew i had arms, legs and eyes. i knew i had eyes because i could "see" the void as well as the visual snow i had for my entire life. i could also see what sort of looked like a vague 2d elephant but then again that could've just been visual snow. it seemed to last forever in the moment but really it was only about 5 seconds until i was pulled into the rest of my body to experience memory 1 which was of a thunderstorm. i was about 4 years old at the time of memory 1 and my brain had immediately discarded memory 0 until i "found" it again.
memory 0 is one of the most vivid memories from my early childhood and i am entirely unsure of what to make of it. does it imply that my consciousness existed before my body has? does it imply that someone else has been inhabiting my body up until that point? is this complete bullshit my brain made up as a way to explain my existence? i have no idea. i'm hoping someone will see this and at least give me their opinion on what this is bc i have no idea

This is the first time I’m talking of this to anyone or on any platform and it’s just because I’m so ashamed of what has happened to me. When I started high school I was a straight A student in all honors classes. I had long pretty black hair with blonde highlights, I was a healthy weight and I loved wearing cute clothes. I barely went out and I focused on my studies and loved myself a lot. The end of freshman year my abusive mom called the cops on me after an argument we had, and the absolute worst had happened. Instead of taking a moment to understand the situation the cops took me to juvenile detention and I stayed there longer than I should have, about 2 months. I contracted scabies from there and the nurse there said it was just allergies from the detergent they use. I left riddled with scars all over my body and the anxiety I had there made them worst because of the picking. I had no support and I was so young and lost to everything going on. My own mom who called them even begged for me to come home just one day after but there wasn’t anything she could do. My grades dropped tremendously from then on I was so depressed I gained so much weight and I could barely take care of myself anymore after, I still can’t. I have to wear long sleeve shirts and pants to cover the scars I have but when someone saw them at school I was immediately treated like an outcast and everyone treated me like I had a disease, I go to a very big American school. I already cured the scabies after leaving detention but the scars still remain. I’ve dealt with severe depression since 11 years old, I’m very shy and quiet, to me my looks and grades were I all had to show. I know “looks aren’t everything” but the way people treat me now is definitely different from how I used to be. I just want my life to be how it was before but I know it’ll never happen. I have scars on my body that remain for life. From everything that happened I couldn't fight the mental battle anymore and ended up smoking weed as well as a few opioids something that me from freshman year would have never thought of doing. I don’t do those things anymore but I fell into a very dark route. I did online school and finished so I’ve been at home. I attempted suicide a week ago and I’m home now from the hospital. Anti- depressants and therapy hasnt worked for me. Some people have it worse than me I know, but I used to be a good kid and so pretty, in just a short amount of time my life has spiraled into nothing but emptiness and regret. I just want to be myself again but my body and mind is damaged enough I feel like it’ll never happen. I don’t have really have anyone to talk to about this, I sit on the internet seeing all these girls my age living normal lives something I so easily could have had. Please someone tell me if my body will ever be normal again, I just want the old me back.

Cover Art!
Just because you’re transported to another world, doesn’t mean you’ll escape from your pain.
Abused by her parents, thirteen-year-old Frances only wants to be safe and for her life not to hurt so much. And when she and her class are transported to the magical world of Durannon to fight the monsters invading the human kingdoms and defeat the self-titled Demon King, Frances is presented with a golden opportunity. If she succeeds, Frances will have the home she never had. If she fails, Frances will be summoned back to the home she escaped.
Yet, despite her newfound magic and friends, Frances finds that trauma is not so easily lost. She is dogged by her abuse and its physical and invisible scars. Not only does she have to learn magic, she has to survive the nightmares of her past, and wrestle with her feelings of doubt and self-loathing.
If she can heal from her trauma, though, she might be able to defeat the Demon King and maybe, just maybe, she can find a home for herself.
[The Beginning] [<=Chapter 216] [Chapter Index and Blurb] [Chapter 218 May 28 or see the next chapter now on Patreon]
The Fractured Song Index
Discord Channel Just let me know when you arrive in the server that you’re a Patreon so you can access your special channel.
Frances and company catch up before the final battle.
***
“Hold on. How would he win this battle if we outnumber him and surround him?” Ginger asked.
“He could target our leadership. Focus on killing Titania, Antigones, you and Martin,” said Ayax.
“Only, he’d have to kill Sebastian and Megara, as well as Edana and you too, Frances, along with a whole list of targets. I’m not sure how he could pull that off,” said Elizabeth.
Ayax grimaced, brow furrowed, but Frances knew the answer to that question.
“Thorgoth doesn’t need to find half the targets he’s after. Myself, mom, Titania, our strongest mages and the rest of the people that will be on his list have leadership positions. Like it or not we’ll be involved in the battle and he just needs to find us on the battlefield. A well-placed spell and he’d snuff any non-magic person out,” Frances said.
“So what do we do then?” Martin asked.
Frances’ heart was pounding, for she knew the answer, but was afraid to give it life. Yet what could she do but tell what she knew was the truth?
“Take the battle to him. Thorgoth will have to operate by himself with maybe just his Royal Guards. We need to hold him and his escort and defeat him before he hurts everybody else.”
“So, all the Otherworlders, our best mages?” Ayax asked.
“Not all of them. But my mother and I, Jessica and Leila, Dwynalina and Jim and Nicole, with a few Otherworlders holding off his guards,” said Frances.
Elizabeth pursed her lips. “Ayax and I can go after Queen Berengaria. I can’t imagine her going far from her husband.”
“This is assuming we can at least split the attention of the dragons and keep them occupied of course,” said Martin. He touched Ginger’s elbow. “Not that I don’t trust you dear.”
“Oh I know, but it is a consideration.” She swirled the wine in her cup. “That means Martin and I will be directing the battle with Sebastian and Alexander.”
“It’s likely you’ll be the overall commander with Martin. Alexander and Sebastian would then take charge of their own contingents,” said Elizabeth. She bit her lip. “Do you feel up for it?”
Ginger shrugged. “I mean, we have to—”
Elizabeth reached out to pat her friend’s shoulder. “Martin, Ginger, you know we have every faith in both of you, but if you need help, there is no shame in asking for it.”
“Besides I think we’re all scared. I know I am,” Ayax said with a smile. Even so, they could all see how her tail looked like it was trying to twist itself into knots. Frances figured her cousin wasn’t trying to hide her fear, just trying not to alarm or panic them.
Martin sighed. “I think that’s the problem, Liz. Duty compels us. Love binds us. So I know no matter what happens, I know we’ll stand together to face him. Still, we are afraid and while I know I won’t run, I worry that fear may cloud my judgment at a crucial moment.”
Ginger wiped her eyes, but her tears now flowed freely down her cheeks. “How do I know I won’t panic, and make a bad call? How do we know we are all coming back? We can’t. I…I guess we have to accept that, but I don’t want to lose you. Any of you.”
Drawing her friend into a tight hug, Elizabeth gently patted Ginger’s back. “I don’t either. I suppose that for me, I’ve always looked to my faith in God, and in you all. Have we not triumphed in all we’ve faced?””
Frances found herself nodding, her throat unclenching and the tight nervousness in her shoulders and neck fading. What remained was a faint feeling of lightness that lifted her chin.
“You’re right. We should believe in ourselves, and hope. Hope for a future when we win this war. Hope that our good will triumph over Thorgoth’s evil. Hope that in a few days, we’ll be home with our family, and our friends.”
Martin gave Frances a wondering look. “How are you able to hope that?”
Frances smiled. “I think that I have always been good at having hope. I didn’t realize it until now, but even in my darkest moments, I always hoped that I would find a place where I could be me.”
Ayax stood up, raising her glass. “To faith, friendship and hope. May it see us all through our final trial.”
Rising to their feet, the five touched glasses and drank deep. They all were smiling. The pain and fear in their hearts soothed by the hope they held and the determination to see each other once again.
***
“Frances, can I walk with you?”
Frances would never have said no to her best friend, and she could tell that past Elizabeth’s bright smile, her friend was worried. There were just too many small signs learnt from years of friendship. She was scratching behind her ear, and her eyes were narrowed just slightly from the tension in her face.
“Of course,” said Frances, falling in beside the tall Otherworlder. “How are you and Ayax?”
Elizabeth giggled. “We’re great! Fantastic even. She and I are even talking about what we might do after the war. We have so many plans and well, I kind of wanted to talk to you about that.”
Frances waited as Elizabeth continued to walk beside her, lips pursed.
“I know that after the war, I’m choosing to stay here with Ayax, with all of you. I just…” her voice trailed off, and her walk slowed to a crawl.
Taking a slight breath, Frances touched her friend’s hand. “Liz, you know it’s okay for you to doubt that.”
Elizabeth stopped and shook her head. “Oh no, I don’t have any doubts about my decision. At the very least, I’m past the point where my doubts aren’t going to change my decision. I know I’ve changed too much in the past seven years. I’ve come to terms with my sexuality. I’ve fallen head over heels in love with a woman who loves me just as much. I’ve commanded armies, led soldiers into battle and helped to make decisions affecting hundreds of thousands of people. I can’t go back pretending I’m Grade 8 and neither do I want to.” She squeezed Frances’s hand. “My decision is the right one. I know it in my heart and I’ve prayed about it. I can do a lot of good here and me going back? That won’t just hurt the people I love here, but it’ll hurt me and my family at home. I can’t hide who I’ve become and I’m proud of what I’ve grown into.”
Frances closely studied her friend knowing Elizabeth wouldn’t mind her staring.
“So what are you feeling, Liz?”
Closing her eyes, Elizabeth sniffled. “Guilt. It’s stupid. I know I’m making the right choice. I’m sure in my heart that God is encouraging me to make this choice, but I still feel guilty.”
“How could you not? You know your family loves you.”
“And I’m abandoning them. I know I’m doing the right thing but I still feel like I’m doing something wrong,” said the Otherworlder.
Frances hugged her best friend, squeezing her tight, hoping that her warmth and touch could comfort the woman who she’d trusted as much as her own mother.
“Liz, if they are everything you told me, they’re going to be alright. Have faith in them, like your faith in me and your friends.”
Elizabeth let out a sigh, but returned the hug. “Thank you, Frances. If…if the worst comes and you are sent back without me, go to them. Tell them I love them.”
Tears in her eyes, Frances nodded. “I promise. If you are sent back, I will take care of Ayax.”
Elizabeth let out a gurgly hiccup. “Thank you. I know you will.”
***
The historic coronation of King Martin and Queen Ginger would found what would be known as the Congrey dynasty. Con for Conthwaite and Grey for King Jerome’s dynasty.
It was an unusual coronation as King Martin and Queen Ginger were long-betrothed but not married. Yet King Jerome and Queen Forowena’s wills had been clear. Apart from that, the coronation involved as many of Eridale's traditions as possible in light of the circumstances.
Down the parade route attended by all those that could be mustered, King and Queen marched in at the head of an honor guard composed of their closest companions. These included Frances, Elizabeth, and Ayax, who held three poles of a crimson banner that hung over the pair. The fourth corner was held by Martin’s sister Mara, who wore a slightly undignified grin. Yet, nobody could really blame her.
Martin wore a black-white checkered tunic with red-gold trimmings and shoulder epaulets. His trousers were dark gray with again red-gold tassels. Ginger did wear a dress. It was of a dark maroon with silver lacing. A bejeweled gorget studded with emeralds hung from her neck and her ears sparkled with dark blue sapphires.
There was one minor alteration. As the procession marched up to the entrance of the old Goblin Empire palace, on a raised wooden dais dressed with elaborately embroidered carpets stood the attending dignitaries. They included all the other Erisdalian lords and ladies such as Viscountess Katia and Lord Tarquin, dressed in all the finery they could muster. Other notables such as Prince Timur, representing the Kingdom of Alavaria, Grandmaster Edana of the White Order and Alexander and Eloise of Erlenberg stood proudly side by side.
Towards the center of the dais were three figures. King Sebastian and Queen-Consort Megara, and the former Queen Janize. Sebastian and Megara were standing, holding Queen Forowena’s crown, whilst the heavily pregnant Janize sat, holding King Jerome’s crown. Thorgoth may have taken their decorated helmets, but he did not have their ceremonial attire.
Martin and Ginger stepped out from under the awning, giving their bearers a brief nod, before taking the last steps up the dais.
Whistling a spell, Megara touched her throat with her wand. “Who stands before the crowns?”
Martin knelt to one knee. The bearers of the awning followed. “Sir Martin of Conthwaite. A Knight of Erisdale.”
Ginger curtsied low. Frances nearly split her lips as she grinned at her friend’s perfect form. “Ginger. Just Ginger of Erisdale.”
Janize’s expression was unreadable as she rose to her feet. There was a slight archness to her features, and yet that could just be how she lifted her haughty cheeks.
“As witnessed by all, and by the King and Queen of Lapanteria, do you swear to defend Erisdale with all means at your disposal including force of arms?”
“We do.”
“Do you swear to uphold the laws of the land and the rights of Erisdale’s citizens?”
“We do!”
“Do you swear that until your dying breaths, to govern and reign over Erisdale not for your benefit, but for the benefit of the people and for their future generations?”
From her kneeling position, Frances frowned. That wasn’t quite the right oath. The wording was “Do you swear to govern over Erisdale wisely and justly?” She supposed that she might have missed it, or maybe there was a variation.
Yet as she noted her fiance’s face, she noticed his eyes were wide and her mother’s eyebrow was arched.
Not skipping a beat, Martin and Ginger bellowed. “We do!”
“Do you swear that you will do your utmost not to make the same mistakes as your predecessors and do whatever it takes to preserve Erisdale’s peace, even if it may cost you your lives?”
Frances blinked. Janize had gone completely off script. There was no fourth oath.
However, Martin and Ginger only hesitated for a moment as they exchanged a glance and looked up to meet Janize’s gaze.
The blonde woman’s eyes were bright and the hands holding Jerome’s crown were trembling ever so slightly. Frances had wondered why she’d insisted on doing this. Martin and Ginger had wanted to approach her to ask if she was willing, but the enigmatic former queen had surprised them by demanding they allow her to crown them. She now had an idea as to why.
“We do,” said Martin, smiling.
Ginger returned that smile. Blinking back her own tears, she took a breath. “In the name of Queen-consort Forowena and your brother, King Jerome. We solemnly swear.”
Janize closed her eyes, a single tear running down her cheek.
“Then as the last heiress of House Grey, I pass the crown of Erisdale on forever. Long live the Congrey dynasty. Long live Martin the Hero of Erisdale and his queen to be Ginger, whom I dub Erisdale’s Burning Heart.”
Lifting Jerome’s crown high, she set it onto Martin’s head. Swiftly taking Queen Forowena’s crown from Sebastian, she set it on Ginger’s head.
“Hail King Martin and Queen Ginger!” Janize bellowed as Martin and Ginger rose to their feet.
The crowd chanted back, their voices filling the great cavern. “Hail King Martin and Queen Ginger! Hail King Martin and Queen Ginger!” Frances could barely hear her own voice over the crescendo. The call that they all raised. Like the sound carried up into the void, she could feel herself be carried up. It was like she was floating on the power of their united song.
Turning around, Martin and Ginger smiled at Frances. Their eyes were wide, and she could see them clasp each other’s hands tightly.
Frances found herself standing on her feet, the pole to her awning in her hand. Without a second thought, she stabbed the pole’s spike into the ground. As her hand dropped to Alanna, she paused for a moment before her mind caught up with her body, and she nodded as if to herself.
Drawing the estoc, Frances raised her blade high, saluting her two friends.
“Long may they reign! Long may they reign!”
Elizabeth was right behind her, hammer raised high. Ayax followed suit with her staff and Mara and the rest were soon drawing their weapons. From the corner of her eye, Frances even spotted Morgan and Hattie raising their wand and staff.
“Long may they reign! Long may they reign!”
***
Helias glanced over his shoulder toward the accursed city. Despite the distance, there was a tremble in the air of Kairoun-Aoun itself.
“Helias?” Sara asked.
“Sounds like they crowned Martin and Ginger. They’re going to attack soon,” he said.
Sara nodded, her tense jaw the only sign of the worry that had seized the harpy-orc. As gently as he could manage with his rough, scarred hands, he wrapped his arm around her waist.
“Sara. We’re going to be fine.”
“You’re lying,” she said with eyes fixed forward.
The general couldn’t help but wince. “Sorry.”
Slowing in her stride, Sara placed a hand over Helias’s. “I still appreciate you trying to comfort me but I would prefer you to tell me the truth. How bad is it?”
Helias looked around. “Thorgoth may pull off a miracle and get himself and Berengaria out. However, a lot of Alavari are going to die.”
“What are you going to do?” Sara asked.
“I’ll have to attend this meeting and see what Thorgoth is planning. We’ll make a plan after that.”
“You and I know it’s not going to change anything,” Sara said, looking up at her husband, who could not meet her gaze. Yet, she didn’t push him away. Instead put her hand around his waist, drawing him closer.
“I know, but I want to be sure,” said Helias in a low tone.
“I understand. See you soon,” said Sara.
***
Helias found himself exchanging side-long glances with Glowron. The pair sat, both leaning forward toward King Thorgoth and a pacing Queen Berengaria, who’d finished explaining tomorrow’s strategy.
“Do you have anything else to add, my good generals?” Thorgoth asked. The king still smiled easily as he swirled a cup of wine in his hands.
Glowron shook his head. His tone was short but he kept this expression neutral. “No sire.”
The goblin general was Helias’s superior in rank and social class. The fact of the matter was that if Glowron had no objections, then there was no way the tauroll could object.
And still, Helias felt bile rise in the back of his throat. He froze, ever so briefly. Closing his eyes, he shook his head. Nothing mattered, except for Sara and Gwendilia.
“No sir. I’ll have my troops ready for tomorrow.”
That should have been that. They would have been dismissed to prepare for tomorrow’s suicide mission, but the king’s whims had other plans.
King Thorgoth put his cup down and leaned forward. “Oh come on my good generals. Surely you have something to improve on this plan.”
Glowron’s expression remained blank, whilst Helias smiled. “Your Majesty, you were the one who taught me everything I know. I can think of nothing I can add to your strategy.”
Queen Berengaria strode toward him. “You’re usually so talkative, Helias. Are you sure you have no other thoughts?”
“I beg your apologies, but I do not have any further additions to your plan, Your Majesty. My lord Glowron?” Helias asked.
“I do not either, my liege—” Glowron fell silent and Helias’s tail stiffened.
Thorgoth and Berengaria were no longer smiling and with a few more steps, the harpy queen had put herself behind the two generals.
“Let me be plain, we are now not asking you about how to improve the plan. We are asking for your thoughts. Give them.”
The Demon King’s remaining dark eye was narrowed. The other was now covered with a black silk eyepatch, the remains of the scar that Queen Forowen had given him, a discoloration scouring a line along the side of his face and right over his ear. In spite of the king’s injury, Helias felt nothing but cold dread dry his mouth.
“Your Majesty, my only thought is that we have no option but to follow your plan. No matter how we got into this situation, the only thing we can do is go forward and try to win this day,” Glowron said.
“And do you blame me, Glowron?”
Helias watched, eyes wide as somehow the much smaller goblin general continued to meet the king’s eyes. “I would be lying to you if I said I didn’t assign some responsibility to you at all, but I believe we ought to have thought of the possibility of such a trap. So the responsibility is mine as well.”
Thorgoth nodded. Out of the corner of his eye, Helias saw the slightest of nods that Berengaria gave to her husband. Alarm shooting his gaze back toward the Demon King, Helias found the full attention of his sovereign and sometimes uncle directed right at him.
“And you, General Helias?”
Lie and he might not be able to make it convincing enough. Tell the truth about what he thought about this war and he was never seeing Sara and Gwendilia again. Thorgoth hadn’t just been hurt, his pride had been wounded and he was now backed into a corner. It would be unwise to anger him, but what to say? What could he say?
All he could think of, and see was his child and her adoring gaze. All he could feel was the touch of Sara’s hand against his. They’d become closer than he could have imagined and were more than just companions with mutual goals now.
If he was to die, then maybe he could tell this truth.
“I am mostly thinking of my wife and my child, my king. The coming battle has me greatly concerned with how dangerous it shall be.”
Thorgoth narrowed his eyes at Helias for a brief moment. The tauroll, staying very still, waited for the presumed reaction by Berengaria.
Whatever Berengaria did made Thorgoth arch an eyebrow.
“I thought you didn’t consider your wife to be worth much,” said the king in a mild tone.
His mind racing, Helias ran with the idea. “She has responded well to the constraints and discipline I’ve enforced on her. She does nothing but facilitate all my needs and has served me well.”
He could feel Berengaria’s eyes narrow, but Thorgoth was already leaning back onto his chair. “Good for you. You are dismissed.”
“Thank you, sire,” said Helias, almost unable to hide his sigh of relief.
***
Author’s Note: While I wish I could have spent more quality time with Martin, Elizabeth, Ginger and Ayax, I do love the best-friend/team that I created for Frances. This chapter and the last was my little way of giving each of them a bit of time with Frances before the final battle.

I guess I’m curious how y’all feel about this subject? We don’t go through each other’s phones or anything. I completely trust my partner and visa versa but I didn’t have my phone on me so I just picked up my partners. We do that all the time, they’ll use my phone if they don’t have their phone on them too, to look something up or watch videos. Well I couldn’t find mine and so I picked up theirs and low and behold there’s a picture of a really skinny beautiful naked woman on the screen. She had tattoos and piercings too. I asked if they masturbated to the picture and my partner said yes.
I felt so betrayed. I personally don’t watch porn or look at stuff because I don’t need to and I don’t want to. I just personally find it off putting. When I tried bringing up how I don’t really agree with the porn industry and what it perpetuates they brought up that it was reddit and a self creator. I’m all for sex work and doing what you want with your body but it’s not something I engage with. It made me feel… icky.
Now into the weird part… we’re poly! So why am I less weirded out by my partner going out and meeting women in real life (we don’t do hookups either) and having sex with her than I am about pictures or porn? I know everyone has their boundaries in relationships. It’s almost like it made me jealous I guess? She was really hot and not just in shape but insanely skinny. I am not out of shape but I am NOT skinny like that. I used to be really really skinny when we first started dating and I had an ED but I gained healthy weight finally after a few years.
This is going on longer than I expected but I should also mention we don’t really have sex very often at all. We both don’t have any other partners currently, I was dating another woman for a few months recently but it didn’t work out. Sex and intimacy is very important to me in my relationships (not the most important) and it feels weird to find them masturbating to a picture of a super hot skinny woman when we already barely have sex and I’m not skinny. It made me feel ugly and like it’s just me. When we first starting dating 4 years ago we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. If it were up to me I’d have sex with them every time I see them. I love the absolute shit out of my partner though. Everything else about our relationship it perfect.
How do you all feel about porn? Is it weird that I don’t enjoy my partner engaging with it rather than a woman irl?

 This will be a bit of a long one. 

I just got my HaritoraX Wireless for full body tracking, I also got the elbow extensions for it. I have the dongle for the elbows and Bluetooth 5.0 USB-BT500 adapter for it as well. Setting it up I have a few problems, first off the virtual desktop emulatprs that I originally installed to play around with will not go away at all and I fear they may have something to do with my issues. Secondly, my elbows are the only thing that render when turned on. Though they don't even connect with steam at all. Finally, I've done clean installs front and back and can't think of anything else. I've ordered another dongle for my other trackers and hoping that will help. Problem still, even if it does they don't show up as connecting on steam.
Any suggestions?
Tldr; Don't emulate trackers with Meta quest 3.

Like full-body burn. Not being on fire, but recovering from it?
What sort of pain is it/do you go through physical therapy or have to do other things?

Hello fellow adventurers, I am in dire need of assistance. Not actually dire, but I would just like help with naming a certain character I have made. They are a Raggamoffyn, which is a monster from 3rd edition I think. I learned about it from Dungeon Dad on YouTube, so if you want to learn more in depth information, go check him out. He has a lot of other really cool videos so I recommend looking around his channel too. But back to my character, they're a Raggamoffyn, which is basically a sentient construct made of magical clothing that can take control of another creature's body in exactly the way you'd expect. I have attached a copy of the character and would like some name suggestions from anyone willing to offer them :)))

Some background first, we’ve been together for 10 years, married for 6. I’ve been in the military for 7 of those years and I know it’s taken a toll on me mentally and emotionally. To start, I’ve never been the best at showing emotions (mainly empathy). I honestly don’t know why my body and mind won’t let me speak how I feel with her. She recently joined the military as well. She’s currently in schooling for her job and I was deployed before she left. We’ve seen each other a total of 3 weeks since February 2023. We’ve been apart due to previous deployments for a year before so we’re no strangers to long distance. Shes been a stay at home mom to our dogs since we’ve been together and she’s worked off and on before but not sustainably. She wanted to have kids a few years ago (in our 20-22s) and I didn’t want to at the time due to being at work from 4:50AM to damn near 7PM everyday. I told her I wanted to be present before that happens and she accepted it.
I’ve visited her twice since she’s been in school since she can’t leave and I can’t always visit since she’s 6 hours away and hotels are expensive with the money that we have at this time. Until recently, I saw she became more and more distant and I was going to ask her eventually until she dropped the possibility of splitting up on me. We’ve had arguments before but never with the splitting up part. She says she hasn’t felt loved for years and can’t accept my love due to not knowing what it feels like. She says I’ve supported her in every other way, just not emotionally and she’s not happy. I agree I haven’t been there emotionally and I accept that blame. I’ve told her all actions behind what I do are 100% genuine and loving although I don’t show it. I whole heartedly can say that I love and care for this woman. She’s pushed me to go so far in my career and I’ve neglected her blindly. I honestly don’t mean to. I know in the previous argument of this, I said I would change for the better and I didn’t. I have apologized and she’s accepted the apologies for all that I’ve done. I’ve started going to counseling and behavioral health (BH for other various reasons as well, but this is included) so I can learn to be more open in my emotions. She’s glad that I’m doing that for us. She says she doesn’t want to split up either and that she loves me. This all started Sunday (12 May) and today, she wants to do no contact for a month. She thinks this will help us realize that we need each other and help us focus on other stuff at the moment (her school, my job) in order to be better for each other. I know how to be an individual. I just want her in my life. I planned on starting the family when she comes back in August but I’m unsure of how this will go. I’ve been breaking down the past couple days and I just feel numb. I feel empty other than a heavy chest and hurting heart. I genuinely love and care for her and I’ve told her that if she can’t be happy with me, I understand. I’ve told her that she makes me happy as well. I don’t know how I’m supposed to last a month when I’ve looked forward to calling her everyday. I’ve spoken with friends and family who support both of us. I’m honestly lost and don’t know what to do. I’m open to your thoughts but my hopes are that we can grow from this. I just keep spiraling and lose sleep over it.

This is kind of long…My boyfriend of 2.5 years and I(female) are on opposite sides of the world. I’m teaching in Japan and he is studying in Europe. For context, it is May and I moved away first in December. He just came to visit for a week and a half. He has been planning on going to Europe for a while so I knew going into the relationship he was going to leave and we were initially very casual because of this but then our feelings grew and the relationship became more serious. He will be in Europe for a total of one year with the possibility of getting a job and staying for one or two years more. I went to teach in Japan to fill a gap year but recently decided I’m not ready to go back to school and want to travel more. So we saw it as an opportunity for me to try to get an English teaching job in Europe. It is more difficult than finding one in Asia so I’m in the process of getting my TEFL bc I think that’ll help. I think I can complete the certification and be in Europe by the end of the year but he is doubtful. My work schedule allows me to to have time during the day to have a second job if I wanted(I don’t) so I would have more time than a normal person to work on the TEFL . Anyway, there was a miscommunication when I came here with me thinking we were monogamous and him thinking we were open. I admit that he has been honest since the start of our relationship that he wanted to go to Europe single but then our feelings developed and it changed to him not being comfortable with a monogamous relationship with being so far away for an unknown amount of time. When we had talks before I left he made statements that showed he had doubts in having an open relationship and since we didn’t solidify the openness of our relationship (didn’t talk about what it would look like, rules, etc.) I assumed it would stay closed. We realized the miscommunication in February and he hadn’t done anything and I didn’t want to end the relationship so I agreed to try to do the open relationship. I was not very comfortable and I was very angry with him for the first month. Then I tried to not think about him with other girls and went on a few dates and hated them. The dates themselves were fine and a normal person would continue to see those people but I felt so guilty. I didn’t want to do anything with them. And as time went on it became harder for me not to think about what he was doing with other people. To explain, when we finally made rules he expressed he was not comfortable knowing what I was doing or telling me what he was doing as long as it was safe. I have an active imagination and told him I would want to know. We compromised and he said he would tell me when he starts seeing someone. That didn’t help as much as I thought. He came to see me and it was great but the first night I was extremely anxious and didn’t want him to touch me because of the possibility of him being with someone else. Not that I thought he was “tainted” in any way but in my mind he was with someone else and I would just be another body, that the way he touched me and looked at me and held me meant less because he did the same thing with someone else. I told him my insecurities and he told me he hasn’t been with anyone else. I would like to clarify that I realized my insecurities and issues and tried my best to communicate whenever I had those thoughts. Telling him I’ve been thinking about it and trying not to but it’s hard. That it has me doubting how much I mean to him and how much he loves me. And he has tried giving me reassurance but when we were finally in each others arms again after 6 months of not seeing each other and i didn’t want him to touch me I realized I actually couldn’t do the openness. He’s left now and I tried to talk about it while he was here but every time I tried to bring it up it was unsuccessful and he said we could talk about it on the last day. We didn’t. And he’s been pushing it back for a while. We finally had a real talk last night, a week later, and I told him all my insecurities again and that I tried to be okay with it for the sake of our relationship but it’s turned me into this giant insecure mess that I wasn’t before we were open and don’t like being. I also said that if I plan on coming closer to him then it should make it easier to be monogamous because we’re trying to close the gap. He still says he’s uncomfortable being closed, and that he’s not convinced I can be in Europe by the end of the year. He has also been a little negative this week when I talk about going to him. He’s just being realistic. We were initially just planning for me to come visit him in August and then go back home to America so to his credit these plans are very fresh and I’ve only started TEFL this week. But I’m choosing to be optimistic. He has a friend who is teaching in Europe and expressed that she thinks it will be fine for me to get a job once I finish Toefl considering I now have experience. It took me three months to solidify this move to Asia so I’m convinced I can find one in Europe in double the time. Anyway he’s not convinced and doesn’t want to open the relationship and thinks that we should wait until I have an offer to close it. And I hate the way this form of our relationship makes me feel. He says he needs time to think about it because he didn’t realize it was at the point of me wanted to end the relationship. I don’t want to end the relationship but I don’t see any other solution. I would also still plan to go to Europe to teach if we break up. I’ve realized I actually really enjoy teaching. Please let me know your thoughts. I tried to be detailed but I’m sure I left something out.

TLDR; After trying EVERYTHING I reduced stimulants to promote rest and digest and reduced sugar to limit bacterial infections Would like honorary phd for this ten year $100k research project “Fine” now 🥹 ?
Full story: I have had eczema since 8 months old. Cats and dust allergy and sweat/heat induced. It was no biggie. An antihistamine and the occasional topical OTC steroid cream - easy peasy.
Fast forward, I’m 24. I started getting really hot and red in my face. Can’t tolerate heat at all. My eczema was flaring non stop like crazy. Had it in places I never had before, eye lids, neck. Couldn’t sleep I was so itchy. Had restless leg wtf could only sleep every second day
Saved up for an allergist and started doing desensitisation treatments, bactroban in the nose, and the nurse secretly told me I could take up to 6 antihistamine pd and switch between a few brands
My skin got so bad the doctor wouldn’t let me have the injections anymore Doctor offered me lyrica and prednisone. I was so far gone the prednisone did NOTHING . They literally told me “I can’t help you anymore please don’t come back”
My skin was now flaking bad, like I was turning into sand. Scratch , weep, scab, flake, repeat. Folliculitis all over my legs. I was itchy every waking hour. I slept in a bathtub for 6 weeks getting 1 hour sleep while working full time wearing cream and barrier cream under full body bandages. Found out about TSW and related
Ended up in hospital with a golf ball sized boil in my eyebrow. IV antibiotics cleared up the infection but still itchy. Was told it was the type of antibiotic they don’t give out unless you’re about to die .
Finally saved up and waited 3 months to see a dermatologist. She said option 1. Cancer drugs (assuming an immunosuppressant?) 2. Light therapy
I chose 2. Not sure what it did but I got a nice tan I also tried EVERYTHING short of sacrificing small animals and children during an eclipse . Spent $$$$ laser hair removal, chiro, naturopath , special elixirs, creamssss , dottera, hcl tablet, bleach then peroxide baths, condys crystals, iron, avene, acupuncture, fungicide, silk sheets, plain tooth paste, shower water filter , digestive enzymes, magnesium, tar, charcoal poultice, drink clay powder, activated grains, keffir , blood type diet, psychology, relaxation , Chinese herbs, vitamins, shaman ritual with eagle feather (not joking). Taking showers scared me because of the excruciating pain of open wounds everywhere. Tried swimming in the ocean. Felt like being set of fire but I was wrong. Had a bath with a bit of tea tree oil. Ah, NOW I know what it feels like to be set on fire (creepily got itching relief from the pain Ala black mirror).
Nothing working So I quit literally everything I ate except 30 INGREDIENTS (1 water, 2 salt , etc) on the combined advice of three eczema books Eczema slowly improving Reduced it further to having nothing but one fruit smoothie per day for SIX MONTHS “because fruit is healthy” (and eating one celery stick was too depressing ). Somehow lost no weight . Was getting better but still red and hands still looked like dinosaur skin. I
An energy healer told me it was fruit. lol. Stopped eating the smoothies and skin was better in 1 week. Redness/heat tolerance didn’t improve. Still have restless leg
Flakes and infections came back every year. Back in hospital with another golf ball boil when I’m 30. Goes away Flares again a year later
Had emotional crisis and got Valium from doctor . Magically healed! Stop Valium (not a fan) Heat intolerance recurs. Frequent flare up Try medical cannabis . Fine for a while then I adapted again like the Borg
This year (I’m 34, with 1 year of a biomed degree under my belt) I hear about anticholinergic syndrome and relate. I quit drinking tea and coffee (rip ☠️ switched to chicory root) or taking antihistamines.
Redness going away Heat tolerance improving Eczema disappeared Been healthy??? for 6 weeks Wish me luck 🍀
Sorry this post is so long , tried to condense a 10 year journey of misery as short as possible. hope this helps someone

I'm looking for something to do gig work in. I've been doing it several years and it's lucrative in my market, and honestly the biggest priority to me is not even reliability but just something I can sit in for hours with minimal body aches/pains. Something that absorbs bumps in the road well, takes turns gently, comfortable seats, etc.
I'm currently driving a 2022 Mazda 3, and if it were just a regular daily commuter I'd love it. It's fun to drive. But I don't need fun to drive anymore. I don't want to feel every bump in the road or be tossed around on each turn because the car has little body roll. And the seats are fine, but could be a little cushier. I'd also like something that just felt a little less cramped.
Honestly I'm not scared of "unreliable." When you look at the data on websites like repairpal, maintenance and repair costs don't vary as wildly as people often expect. I'm not saying I'm going to go buy some 15 year old Mercedes, but within reason, I'm willing to sacrifice some reliability. If I got a hybrid, I'd be saving several times on gas compared to my Mazda 3 than any difference in reliability between two vehicles could save me.
So that's why my biggest two priorities are comfort, and mpg. I guess I said I don't need "fun" to drive, but the truth is if it can be fun without having stiffer suspension, that would be great. I want something that makes longer shifts in a vehicle more bearable, and something that's enjoyable to drive is a part of that. Comfort is just the bigger priority.
Anyways I appreciate anyone's help. I'd probably be in the market for something that's at least a few years old, probably <20k budget.

I have been sick for a decade and it hasn’t gotten better, only worse. I am somewhere between moderate and severe (I am pretty much housebound) but compared to an able bodied person I consider myself severely disabled/ill.
For years family has been making fun of me for not keeping my space clean. Even though most of them are hoarders and keep their space just as filthy if not worse. I also get told if I ask for help or point out a problem in the home that I need to just fix it myself, but if I have a mental breakdown then suddenly I should have asked for help. My family is always complaining about their minor health issues but they completely ignore my suffering. In fact, my last birthday I was PEMing so hard I could barely get to the kitchen to feed myself. Yet my family acted like there was nothing wrong and laughed and had a great time watching me like that. My family likes to make jokes about my attitude (I’m an extremely unhappy, angry person due to the pain) they seem to think my behavior is because of a personality trait and not severe illness and pain. I can’t work, can’t move out, I just exist like this now.
I am starting to get the feeling that friends see me the same way as my family. Recently a couple came to visit and the boyfriend behaved extremely rudely - he fell asleep in the kitchen then got mad when my mom started cooking for him because the noise woke him up(she rarely cooks for me but likes to act like a good host with guests) so he wakes up and complains about the noise and the girlfriend starts baby talking him, saying he gets grumpy when he is woken up like that. Disgusting behavior to see from an adult couple older than me. Keep in mind this guy isn’t sick or disabled and he could have slept in a more quiet space. This entitlement/enabling behavior from both of them has been going on a long time and I’ve given them some pushback, essentially saying that the girlfriend isn’t responsible for regulating his emotions and it’s ok for him to be be mad sometimes, that I don’t mind because I’m mad a lot from my pain. They just laughed at me. My main friend is the girl but she’s stopped listening to my problems (complains to me a lot about hers though) i feel like she looks down on me for not working and having family pay for things.
I am just so sick of everyone around me. I wonder why people act like they care when someone is sick but then alienate disabled and sick people, gaslight us and dismiss our pain. I can’t talk to anyone in my life anymore, they just dismiss me or make fun of my pain. This is close friends and family too. I just wonder how the would react if I wasn’t alive anymore. If I don’t improve in my illness I’ll be stuck like this for 60+ years so I am starting to think of making an exit plan in 10 years or so. Clearly the people around me just want to make me feel worse as some kind of joke. I resent them and kind of hate them all on my worst days because they make this so much more unbearable. I have been very clear with my family about not wanting to be here. In those moments they acted upset but they continue to do shitty things to me so I’m convinced they actually hate and resent me for being sick. Seems like I can’t escape being blamed for this illness even at home.

I’m so numb and broken. My DPDR keeps getting worse, not better. I’m to the point where I don’t feel any internal sensations anymore, my rational mind is gone, I don’t have any hope, or think anything will work.
I’ve been watching recovery stories to try to instill some hope and my brain won’t take any of the information in. It makes me believe that I have the worst possible version, or that I don’t even have DPDR. People even say they experienced the exact same symptoms as me, but I still can’t believe it.
I don’t try anything they recommend, or I do it for a couple of days and get discouraged again. I’ll feel hope for a few minutes, and then I’m back to hopeless again. I truly don’t understand how I could ever get out of this; I have no emotions, no ego, I don’t feel like I’m even in reality, I don’t feel anxiety at all. I can’t comprehend time or space, I’m not even asking myself existential questions. I feel like my brain has turned to stone, nothing can get into it and nothing can come out.
I’m afraid of death, but I don’t want to be here anymore. I’ve been living this way for 2 years. My life is pathetic now, I’ve lost everything. There’s no feelings, I’m out of body and reality every second. I don’t feel anxious at all; DPDR itself makes me feel so awful.
My life has lost all purpose, I’ve lost my will to keep going. No amount of reassurance or positive stories are going to make me have hope or feel like I can recover. I resigned a long time ago that I was forever destroyed by this - and i see now way out besides death. I feel so beyond repair- and I can’t live like this forever. Each day is the most painful, I don’t have any more hope. Tomorrow doesn’t matter to me, because why? Getting out of bed, doing things, working, seeing friends - none of it matters. I can’t feel, I can’t connect, I’m just a hollow body. The thought of living like this for years on end… I can’t. It’s been 2 years and I’m suffering beyond words. I feel like there’s something more wrong with me; how can a human lose all their emotions, even their ability to feel anxiety? I’ve lost my memory, my sense of time, my passion for life. I can barely work, and I love what I do. I haven’t felt that passion or desire or any sort of emotion in 2 years. I just want this to be over. I can’t do it, I feel weak. The people who recover had some emotions or something to give them hope, when you’ve gone completely numb - there’s no way to make yourself feel or believe anything. I’m just waiting for a ship that’s never gonna come save me.
I’m having horrible vivid dreams every night to the point where I don’t even want to sleep. I wake up at 11 an every day with no purpose. I don’t even know how I get out of bed. Every single day is the same misery, a misery that runs so deep. I’ve never felt so trapped, alone and in such despair in my entire life. I don’t believe I have the strength or ability to get through this, everyone else was strong and able to recover because they had hope. My mind is such a mess; so toxic, so negative, so numb, I can’t even comprehend ever feeling any different. 24/7 365 for the last 2 years I’ve been this way, I’ve never once felt happy or content. My life is shit. My sleep isn’t restful and my waking life is hell, I need relief. I’m losing it. I can’t live life emotionally numb and not connected with anyone. That’s why I feel I have something worse, it’s not just a thinking problem, I legit have no emotions or ability to connect, I feel dead. I’m so fucking tired - there’s no words. I want out.

Hi all,
I'm working on Crochet with Carrie's Summer Vibes crop top. Everything was going well until now.
I'm finishing the first triangle and it's not decreasing fast enough. I think it's because my band is wider than the "small" in the tutorial and the proportions don't work with my body maybe?
Any advice to decrease the triangles quicker?
The pattern specifies alternating rows of:
ROW 2: ch 1, hdc in each st across. Turn.
ROW 3: ch 1, hdc2tog, hdc in each st across until 2 sts remain, hdc2tog
Until there are only three stitches left, then you start on the straps.
Tia!

So I've got myself a Pentax 67 (MLU version) and a 105 f2.4 and I really want to shoot full body portraits wide open. As we all know, then nailing the focus isn't easy.
I've seen plenty of shots where the eyes are tack sharp so it can't be impossible, right? Well the eyes aren't going to be in the middle of the frame where the focusing circle-thingy is, so my first bet was to focus on the eyes and then tilt the camera down to frame the shot properly - which I suppose technically would be focusing and recomposing I guess?
The eyes and face came out soft which I guess isn't surprising since the depth of field is paper thin. How do people do it? Is there any trick or tips? I feel it's insanely difficult to see what's actually in focus or not outside of the center circle. Even there it's not exactly easy.

Seraphina could wrap her snake body around mine and give me a great big hug while whispering sweet nothings in my ear like, “You amount to something” or “You’re not the reason your father left.”
But on the other hand, Lust has a nicer pair…
Of eyes.
And as we all know eyes are the window to the soul.
And she can whip tormenters away. Like my drunken step father.
I’ll have to go with Lust.
User ID: 7551172(50109)

This is kind of long…My boyfriend of 2.5 years and I(female) are on opposite sides of the world. I’m teaching in Japan and he is studying in Europe. For context, it is May and I moved away first in December. He just came to visit for a week and a half. He has been planning on going to Europe for a while so I knew going into the relationship he was going to leave and we were initially very casual because of this but then our feelings grew and the relationship became more serious. He will be in Europe for a total of one year with the possibility of getting a job and staying for one or two years more. I went to teach in Japan to fill a gap year but recently decided I’m not ready to go back to school and want to travel more. So we saw it as an opportunity for me to try to get an English teaching job in Europe. It is more difficult than finding one in Asia so I’m in the process of getting my TEFL bc I think that’ll help. I think I can complete the certification and be in Europe by the end of the year but he is doubtful. My work schedule allows me to to have time during the day to have a second job if I wanted(I don’t) so I would have more time than a normal person to work on the TEFL . Anyway, there was a miscommunication when I came here with me thinking we were monogamous and him thinking we were open. I admit that he has been honest since the start of our relationship that he wanted to go to Europe single but then our feelings developed and it changed to him not being comfortable with a monogamous relationship with being so far away for an unknown amount of time. When we had talks before I left he made statements that showed he had doubts in having an open relationship and since we didn’t solidify the openness of our relationship (didn’t talk about what it would look like, rules, etc.) I assumed it would stay closed. We realized the miscommunication in February and he hadn’t done anything and I didn’t want to end the relationship so I agreed to try to do the open relationship. I was not very comfortable and I was very angry with him for the first month. Then I tried to not think about him with other girls and went on a few dates and hated them. The dates themselves were fine and a normal person would continue to see those people but I felt so guilty. I didn’t want to do anything with them. And as time went on it became harder for me not to think about what he was doing with other people. To explain, when we finally made rules he expressed he was not comfortable knowing what I was doing or telling me what he was doing as long as it was safe. I have an active imagination and told him I would want to know. We compromised and he said he would tell me when he starts seeing someone. That didn’t help as much as I thought. He came to see me and it was great but the first night I was extremely anxious and didn’t want him to touch me because of the possibility of him being with someone else. Not that I thought he was “tainted” in any way but in my mind he was with someone else and I would just be another body, that the way he touched me and looked at me and held me meant less because he did the same thing with someone else. I told him my insecurities and he told me he hasn’t been with anyone else. I would like to clarify that I realized my insecurities and issues and tried my best to communicate whenever I had those thoughts. Telling him I’ve been thinking about it and trying not to but it’s hard. That it has me doubting how much I mean to him and how much he loves me. And he has tried giving me reassurance but when we were finally in each others arms again after 6 months of not seeing each other and i didn’t want him to touch me I realized I actually couldn’t do the openness. He’s left now and I tried to talk about it while he was here but every time I tried to bring it up it was unsuccessful and he said we could talk about it on the last day. We didn’t. And he’s been pushing it back for a while. We finally had a real talk last night, a week later, and I told him all my insecurities again and that I tried to be okay with it for the sake of our relationship but it’s turned me into this giant insecure mess that I wasn’t before we were open and don’t like being. I also said that if I plan on coming closer to him then it should make it easier to be monogamous because we’re trying to close the gap. He still says he’s uncomfortable being closed, and that he’s not convinced I can be in Europe by the end of the year. He has also been a little negative this week when I talk about going to him. He’s just being realistic. We were initially just planning for me to come visit him in August and then go back home to America so to his credit these plans are very fresh and I’ve only started TEFL this week. But I’m choosing to be optimistic. He has a friend who is teaching in Europe and expressed that she thinks it will be fine for me to get a job once I finish Toefl considering I now have experience. It took me three months to solidify this move to Asia so I’m convinced I can find one in Europe in double the time. Anyway he’s not convinced and doesn’t want to open the relationship and thinks that we should wait until I have an offer to close it. And I hate the way this form of our relationship makes me feel. He says he needs time to think about it because he didn’t realize it was at the point of me wanted to end the relationship. I don’t want to end the relationship but I don’t see any other solution. I would also still plan to go to Europe to teach if we break up. I’ve realized I actually really enjoy teaching. Please let me know your thoughts. I tried to be detailed but I’m sure I left something out.

Hello! Just joined this reddit but wanted some advice on currently how I am eating as i am almost 3 months into carnivore now (not-strict)
I so far am eating a rotation of ground beef, sirloin, ribeyes, and ny strip steak.
Some weeks where I am primarily eating ground beef (when i’m broke), it’s really makes me think about how healthy that really is for me?
This is where my primary question comes in, do other people eat pretty much fully red meat? and is that like okay/best for me?
I currently feel fine and am losing weight consistently, I began to bruise quite easily and all over my body so began to add avacados and apples into my diet but other then occasional cheat days follow guidelines of diet fairly well (being that it’s just cheese, eggs,heavily salted meat, beef tallow, ghee, etc.) and keep it as close to organic/raw as possible
Would like your guys thoughts on about how i go about the diet and things i should fix. (taking only multivitamin as well as and use a liquid iv a day and prime as electrolyte boost)
thanks!

Day by day, sometimes hour by hour, my mind flips back and forth between doing this or not. Ive completed everything on the preop checklist. Waiting on EGD biopsy results and then submitting to insurance. It’s getting real.
One minute I’m fantasizing about the life I can live, the next I’m thinking “what the hell do I think I’m doing” and considering scratching the whole thing altogether. Is that normal? Does it ever ease up or does it stick around until surgery is done?
I’ve been obese my entire life. Currently 21, just graduated college on Friday (woohoo) and going into a gap year before grad school, so it’s now or never (or realistically not anytime else in the next decade or so). I dream about being thin. Every moment of every day since early childhood I’ve been obsessed with what my life could be like if I was thin. Respected. Acknowledged. Easier.
But when I think about surgery, when I think about literally chopping up my body for the purpose of losing weight and getting healthy, I feel crazy. I know only obese people understand the point of desperation you have to get to to be willing to surgically alter your body to lose weight, but that doesn’t change that I have moments where I feel like doing this is such a drastic insane thing to do.
My surgery will end up being end of July/early August. I’ve got two months at least to sit here and absorb it, but the two months that have passed since my initial consult haven’t led to any eased feelings. Does it get better?