Things to put on say something about yourself

I know there are a handful of people on here who have joined me in Loner 2e discussions so I thought it worth posting that Zotiquest Games have put out two more versions of the game, but these are very specifically geared to a setting (Steampunk and Feudal Japan). My copy of Cog & Compass came today and I'm really excited about it! I've only read through it quickly, but these are the things that caught my eye.
The TL;DR of it is that there's a defined world and very clear guidance, which is much appreciated.

• There are new mechanics specific to the setting that aren't strictly defined, so it's up to you to decide how to implement them. I like that idea.
• When traveling, there are a few things to roll on as you move and if you fail the check you can roll on complication tables. That feels closer to a PbtA "Miss" to me than simply "imagine what happens next".
• In the spirit of "Everything is a Character!" you can roll up Airships, clockwork familiars, etc. and they did something SO helpful in my opinion: the random tables are linked, so if you roll once and use the same roll for Concept, Skills, Frailty and Gear, they will all make sense! You can roll or choose something else if you want to, but if you don't want to slow down the story, roll once and the tables won't contradict each other.
  • Example: 2/1 on the Steamboat tables gives you Concept: Fishing Trawler - Skills: Deep Sea Fishing - Frailty: Fuel Hog - Gear: Fishing Nets.
• There's a D66 table of complete character sheets for Creatures & Foes in the back.

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Synopsis:
Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she's left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette's swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.
Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom's finances.
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.
Chapter 239: Standing Start
A wine bottle rolled against the side of my boot.
Amidst a gallery of stunned faces and open mouths, it was easily the second most lively thing here.
The first was a clockwork doll clutching at her stomach in pain.
“Ahahahha~ ahahaha~ ahah … uck … ack … ughh … ahahaha~”
I pursed my lips.
Still, I said nothing.
For one thing, this was precisely what happened when one ate the mouldy cinnamon rolls combined with any grass growing by the side of the road. If Apple refused to eat something, then so should she.
But for another–
“What … What is this … ?”
It was because the first response was reserved for the baroness.
Her words came out in a quivering tone, matching the disbelief upon her face.
Frankly, she had to do better than that.
Only the wine from the bottle I nudged away dribbled into the soil. And also the line of drool from a comatose farmer. But I didn’t want to think about that.
Still, it was an excellent benchmark. Until her tears could properly overpower the sour aroma from the Château de Riaré Hensoise, I would deem her bawling to be incomplete.
She had a long way to go.
“How … How are you still …” she began, slowly rising from her seat. “This … This is impossible–”
I offered a tidy smile alongside a flick of my hair, relishing in the moonlight adorning my figure.
“I agree. It shouldn’t be possible. But I assure you, my skin is 100% natural.”
“E-Excuse me … ?”
“No magical enchantments. No unicorn elixirs. No witchly glamors. Just a healthy sleep schedule of however many hours I desire and a diet of fresh strawberry shortcakes.”
The baroness mouthed silently at my secrets being revealed.
A strange way of offering her gratitude. Other princesses hounded my door for this knowledge. Given her pale, blotchy skin and lips as dry as a pond in a desert, she should be pleading for more.
Instead, she pointed at the fallen drunk beside us.
“This … This shouldn’t be possible … no, wait … the clockwork doll … did she–”
She suddenly snapped towards Coppelia, her eyes widening.
“Uuh … ahaha … ugh, it hurts ... ahaha … it hurts so much … ahaha … my tummy … aha … oh no … I’m … I’m seeing daisies … aha … I … ugh … I think I need help …”
Coppelia hugged her stomach, writhing like a freshly hatched caterpillar. Her eyes darkened as hiccups of laughter assailed her defeated form.
The baroness pursed her lips.
Then, she turned to Renise instead.
“Did you–”
“A-Amazing! … I … I have no idea what you did … but it wasn’t just wonderful … it was beautiful! The colours! The warmth! It was like a rainbow come to life!”
With a smile worthy of any attendant, the maid brought her hands together in polite applause. Naturally, to be praised for my brushwork was nothing new to me. Nor was the sight of stars shining in her eyes with greater brightness than any in the night sky.
Why, that even came whenever I left my bedroom.
“You … how did … how did you defeat him … ?”
The strands of the baroness’s golden hair began to frizzle as she turned towards me. All I saw were her tonsils. Bright red and healthy. She should be pleased.
“This was … this was no common man … do you know who he is … ?”
Without offering a chance to ignore her, she stamped a foot, pointing at the fallen drunk with maddened jabs. The man offered no defence, now as spent and drained as the bottle beside him.
I raised a brow.
“Indeed, I do. He’s a farmer who made poor life choices. And between leaving his farm and offering his pitchfork to an overly ambitious baroness, the greater was you. My congratulations on being the superior mistake. I acknowledge your triumph.”
Bwam.
The baroness promptly slapped her palms down on the table.
“This man … is Willem of Hagel,” she said, her teeth gritted together. “A man desperate and cursed.”
“Yes, well, to be a peasant is a dire thing. But it could be worse. At least he isn’t nobility.”
A mouth further widened before me.
Indeed, this was a terrible time to realise her affliction. But I was no famed angel of healing for nothing. There was a cure for ambition. And it involved copious amounts of tears.
I was still waiting.
“There is no world in which you should have been able to defeat him … not if half the tales about him prove true … he is a famed opponent … all the while you are … you are …”
Suddenly, her eyes left my face for the very first time.
No longer feeling that my cheeks were in danger of being poked, she swept her eyes upon my person, as though hoping to find some blemish to signify I was as false as a field of corn.
She stopped at the sword by my side.
And also–
“A copper ring,” she said softly.
Suddenly, my 29th house of cards I was subtly constructing collapsed.
… T-The ring!
The blot on my finger! The insidious badge of shame! The symbol of the Adventurer’s Guild!
Why, I’d taken it for granted that my masterful disguise was impervious! But this was no ordinary noblewoman I was seated across!
This … This was one I’d previously sat across before!
I’d made a terrible mistake!
I was mesmerising! A beautiful princess as charming as I was modest!
There was utterly no scenario in which I’d be forgotten!
I … I should have removed the copper ring!
“O-Oho … ohoho … w-what copper ring?” I said, my hands vanishing below the table at a speed con artists could only nod at. “Ah, do you refer to the ruby inlaid ring I often carry on my hand? The one which changes colour depending on the longitude and latitude? In that case, you may very well have briefly spied something which resembled a copper hue. But it is in fact a thing of unparalleled beauty and craftsmanship. Not a disgraceful copper ring.”
The baroness slowly looked up at me, her eyes blinking.
“No. I wasn’t mistaken. I … I recognise that ring. It is a copper ring, the same size and shape as those worn by … adventurers.”
My mouth widened in horror.
At once, I immediately sought a plant pot or a heavy book. Something to immediately erase the past few seconds of her memory.
Why … if she knew my secret, then the shame would haunt me all the way until I’d found something weighing at least equivalent to a standard hardback!
“I see,” she mumbled, as much to herself as me. “I understand now …”
The baroness removed her palms from the table.
She stood up straight, a hard expression upon her face. One which calculated with each passing moment the optimal way to exploit this devastating information.
Then, she took in a deep breath–just as I began assembling the playing cards into a thick pile.
“… it must be a legendary artifact.”
As I began eyeing her temple … I blinked in non-understanding.
“Excuse me?”
She nodded, her frown harsh enough to permanently crease her skin.
“To wear such a plain, ugly and shameful ring … one which utterly demeans your history, your worth and your pride, destroying any semblance of dignity you possess–”
My hand went to my stomach, struck by as much pain as Coppelia had experienced in a single moment.
“–indeed, to wear a ring so easily mistaken as one belonging to adventurers, the vermin of the world … it must be a truly terrifying artifact.”
I blinked.
And then–
“Ohhho … ohoohho! You … You see the truth of it!”
The baroness squeezed her fists by her side.
“I knew it.”
I nodded, my bangs bouncing against my forehead.
“I-Indeed … ! This ring I carry on me … it is a masterful item of supreme quality, passed down along generations of my family! Why, its appearance matching those of rings worn by adventurers is no coincidence! Theirs are based on this very design! Although they have since tarnished it, it was forged back in the first days of the kingdom when copper was greater than gold! Poured within it is knowledge now lost to time! A power beyond compare, called upon from the depths of the Royal Vault!”
The baroness sucked in a hateful breath.
“Then that explains it,” she said with bitterness ringing throughout her voice. “You were able to defeat such a powerful adversary through the use of your family’s ancient heirlooms.”
“Indeed, this powerful ring with a rare ability I cannot disclose defeated a terrifying farmer! Therefore, there’s no need for you to relay any suggestion that I’m anything but a princess, as far removed from the Adventurer’s Guild as hygiene is to their members!”
The baroness gave no response.
A respite which lasted far too short.
“... I see, then it means the plan continues. Different, yes. But I’ll not be deterred.”
She smiled, the familiar sight of aristocratic opportunism mixed with an utter denial of facts shining within her grey eyes.
I could only react with horror.
“Plan?” I replied, convinced she was well and truly several sandwiches short of a picnic. “Do you mean the plan currently lying in a fallen heap beside us? Did you not just say I defeated your farmer? Your only plan now is to decide which part of the ground you wish to offer your forehead to.”
The baroness shook her head with renewed confidence.
“I think not. To defeat Willem of Hagel, you must have expended every effort you had available. Not a crumb of power could be spared, for to underestimate him would have resulted in your certain loss. Meaning …”
Without hesitation, she gave a multipurpose wave of her hand.
“... You’ve nothing left but a sword you cannot wield, and two retainers against all of mine. One of whom is incapacitated. The other a maid.”
She continued to keep her hand raised. Her simple call to arms.
It took several moments before she cared to even look around her.
A sad thing.
If she had, she would have realised the curiosity of her hoodlums was less than their prudence.
She would have noticed the eyes without loyalty, seeing only the fallen figure of a drunk they’d been led to believe was more than a farmer now watering the ground with his drool.
And she would have noticed the state of her dress, as dishevelled as her ambitions as those she relied upon slinked away in search of newer gutters to inhabit, following instincts she could learn as the last of their feet shuffled into the darkness.
The baroness paled.
It was far too early for that. She had no idea Apple was currently resting in her tavern, and wouldn’t be helping her haul all of the goods which needed delivering to a place less damp than here.
But I could sooth her forthcoming backache with a smile, at least for the assistance already provided.
“You have my gratitude,” I said, brushing a speck of … countryside from my lap. “For so long as the nobility continues to concoct slapdash schemes with no hope of success, the kingdom can continue to assign blame on you when all else goes wrong. When the mobs come calling and heads start rolling, it ensures a steady queue of necks can be offered before ours are reached. That is why the nobility continues to exist, you see, despite the ceaseless treason. So allow me to offer a word of advice when next you wish to survive in a position of responsibility. When fleeing, the best defence isn’t to run faster–it’s to trip the person beside you. And this means better hiring practices.”
I glanced pointedly around me.
All this empty space and not even a single eyepatched second-in-command to use as a distraction? An amateur mistake. One the baroness now realised as her mouth opened wordlessly, the realisation of her solitude only now dawning upon her.
Yet all it invited was a newly wrought defiance.
“I do not mean to flee,” she said, her fists tightly clenched. “I am Arisa Sandholt. And even should I be captured here, you would not be afforded a night’s rest. I am not alone. Whether tonight or tomorrow, this kingdom will fall. I am not alone in planning its demise.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Oh, please. Planning my kingdom’s demise is what everyone does.”
“What?”
“If it’s not being actively planned, it’s because someone’s in the middle of planning how to formulate a plan. And then once they’ve finished planning, they wonder why their plan didn’t work as planned. This is not a cause for concern. It’s a sign the world is still spinning the correct direction.”
The baroness feigned a dignified silence.
It was far too late, of course. By default, nobility had no dignity.
Still, I accepted the effort, and filled the silence with a tidy clap of my hands.
“Now, since you’ve no intention of fleeing, you can be useful instead. I’ll require a full inventory of your stock. I intend to requisition every single item you have in your possession. Every grain. Every crown. And every odd piece of tableware, carpet, candleholder and painting you might have.”
I pointed at the barn. A tragic thing to requisition. But if I was fortunate, it’d grow lacquered tiles and bay windows in the short steps between here and there.
Suddenly, the baroness’s eyes widened. The needless defiance dropped alarmingly from her face.
“Wait … what do you mean by that?”
I paused for a moment, puzzled by her reaction.
This was hardly the complicated part.
“I mean exactly what I mean. This should come as no surprise. I will be emptying every corner of the property you’ve misappropriated, including whatever manner of tunnels you’ve carved for your use. Rest assured, I’ll be employing the talents of my retainers extensively. With or without your cooperation, every single inch of your abode will be inspected by myself for the Royal Treasury’s benefit.”
She blinked between Renise and Coppelia. Although one was dressed as a maid and the other now appeared to be napping on the ground, their skills when it came to matters of unearthing valuables in my kingdom’s underbelly was not one I doubted.
Nor, from the way the baroness gulped, did she.
“I can do it,” she said suddenly.
I looked at her in confusion, uncertain what ploy this was.
“... Excuse me? Do what?”
“The items of value. I can bring them out. There’s no need to personally see to such a thing yourself.”
“While I’m in full agreement, I can hardly trust your reliability in this manner. And besides, I’ll hardly be playing the mule. I shall be supervising while closely assessing every item.”
Once more, the tonsils came out.
An appalling disregard of decorum. There was only one time that nobility was permitted to look so horrified in my presence. And that’s if they were copying my own after I discovered a list of marriage suitors posing as a napkin beneath the dessert spoon again.
“E-Even so … as the one who wronged you, I insist on not troubling a princess any further. If you give me a few moments, I can acquire the most important valuables for you in a fraction of the time you’d spend on finding them.”
“A few moments to hide them, you mean. No, I’m afraid that anything you wish to stuff beneath a floorboard will need to be appropriately examined first.”
I leaned away in mild alarm as a bead of sweat ran down the baroness’s face.
A moment later–
She finally did what only someone in her position could.
Adhering to the instincts of all nobility, she swept up her dress and suddenly dashed away.
Except it wasn’t towards the dark forest, to be lost amidst the shadows and the jaws of whatever awaited her there. It was back towards the barn.
I watched as she stumbled several times before even reaching the steps.
“... A desperate sight, no?” I said, with a sad shake of my head. “To throw away all semblance of the image she’d hoped to craft. Now she flees like a frightened towngirl. She should know that escape is now impossible.”
Beside me, Renise let out a hum.
Far from chasing after the baroness, she collected the pack of cards I’d assembled for memory wiping purposes. She began to build a house of cards.
I looked at her in puzzlement. She gave a strangely pained smile in reply.
“I believe we can offer her a few moments.”
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TLDR - I rant about not understanding userspace tools that well and then ask "how can I reason about being efficient at doing linux things and how can I quickly gain insight that answers critical questions - why does this exist? why is this the best approach? how does it work?"
I fully expect that the answer to this is because "because things are harder to manage at the kernel level" but I'm still interested in the details.
I'm a computer science major that used to work on web backend before slowly moving towards systems-level programming. I mostly write C++ now (completely self taught) and have taken up learning linux tools like tmux, vim, sed, awk and also nice community-developed tools like fzf and zoxide to ease my dev workflow.
One thing I find in common between everything linux (or should I say posix) related is that there seems to be a large paradigm shift away from web-oriented languages that drive fast software development. A huge side effect seems to be modularity.
I'm struggling to put into words what I mean here so I'll lead by examples. Rather than being about *why* I should use it, linux-based software seems to be "we exist and if you think you might need us, start reading manpages". There seems to be an implicit trust that the software maintainers have made good decisions that isn't exactly user-facing.
Take tmux for example. I recently tried to implement primeagen's harpoon workflow - which in 1 sentence makes tmux sessions accessible through pre-homerow (and also vim buffers). I mucked around with trying to make sessions sort themselves temporally like :choose-tree does before realizing that choose-tree has its own internal implementation that for whatever reason isn't publicly available. Tmux is a terminal multiplexer that is powerful because of its configurability. Wouldn't it benefit users to control the main display board?
C++ might be another example. The language is massively obfuscated as I'm sure many of you know, and I've spent many nights reading books on move semantics, generics, template argument deduction, you name it (scott meyers and vandervoorde ftw). And yes C++ isn't linux specific but I feel follows very similar systems principles in regards to its development (and is in fact tied very closely with microarch)
The common thing I'm seeing here is the word *why*. I feel that if documentation or discussion around the language started with justification for it being there in the first place, that all reasoning follows.
I also find it hard to believe that learning linux tools isn't the kind of skill that applies to "fear not the man who practices a thousand kicks ones but one kick a thousand times". I see linux tools as just that - tools, an end to a means - and don't see the merit of spending dozens of hours learning the intricacies of some tool when it just needs to do one thing well (core linux principle). Kind of like how the best mathematicians and learners don't memorize proofs but instead make things intuitive to them so that they can rederive them at a whim.
Another aspect that systems-level dev that I think does differently is incorporate many more "paradigms" into their workings. Whereas high-level languages like Java, golang, python have a "shtick" (garbage collection and strong typing, easy scripting language with duck typing, etc) the tree of concepts seems to branch much more heavily. I feel that the latter is much more economical especially when my job is to get a certain thing done, not learn obscure things (thought it is fun)
A final point that I might make is that the linux ecosystem of tools constantly makes me feel like I don't understand what I'm doing. I have a feeling that the right workflow is something like trying new things on a need-to basis but I constantly feel like I don't know what's going on even after reasonably understanding what terminal multiplexers, tiling window managers, shells, temrinal emulators, etc are. I feel that one of the hallmarks of a good engineer is being able to answer the 5 key W's - why, what, how, etc. My answer is mostly "because I don't understand the linux ecosystem to be able to justify why what I am doing is efficient" - and "I find it hard to believe there is something better) is not adequate justification
So, all of this might be a massive skill issue. And I'm sorry if this comes of as demeaning in any way to you guys but time is fleeting and as much as I love tinkering with my config and learning obscure stuff I think it's in my best interest to be learning efficiently so I can be the best engineer possible.
So, I am curious as to two things

• how do you go about reasoning through doing linux stuff?
  
• why aren't linux tools more modular, task-motivated, and better documented?
  

Hello, so I’ve been very conflicted with my feelings for the past few weeks, basically to make a long story short my best friend of two years(M) and I have recently grown apart, being in the military I went on leave, i got to know him and see all of his flaws for the first time in person since I wasn’t really self aware back then to see it. I never really got to know him aside from us being interested in the same things but I noticed how he treats my friend(His current girlfriend, met them around the same timeframe). The reason this whole thing was brought up was since I give her advice on life and mental health issues that she’s been going through, I’ve been giving her advice on these things for around a month or so, she told me he was emotionally unavailable and that he wasn’t really there to talk to her about those things and when she tried she would get shut down and judged on the sensitive topics she was bringing up. This didn’t help for me because I’ve already been on a journey to become a better person and improving my mental health, This has resulted in me growing apart from most of my friends and it just recently hit me that I grew apart from him and not her.
About two days ago I got a text from her in regard to a conversation we had from a couple days before, she said that he didn’t want us talking about the deep/personal things that we’ve been talking about and that she should only be talking to him and only him about these things, she seems very conflicted since I’ve actually been helping her make progress and be better. Like I said she’s told him before that he isn’t emotionally available and not equipped to help her as well as her not believing in therapy, I feel like me not talking to her cuts off a person that she could talk to for things that are bothering myself and her mentally. For the point that he has on only talking to him and only him for things, I don’t agree with this mentality since it kinda gives the opportunity for an echo room to happen and for people to never have any outside opinions.
It’s gonna get a little more messy from here but while I was there he also recommended the three of us to sleep with each other and , the reason I say I’m not 100% in the right here is because I followed through thinking it would make him stop bringing it up and that it wouldn’t really change our relationship for the worst, which it kinda did. I don’t wanna say he was forcing my hand because I could’ve said no but at the time I just wanted to do what would make him happy and breed less tension between the three of us but it honestly just caused more problems. For some backstory he kinda forced her into this relationship since she was fresh off of a breakup and she felt that she couldn’t say no, so that already a red flag in my opinion. And when I was there he would constantly read our messages thinking that there was more going on and that I was texting her trying to break them up or something instead of helping her and giving advice. Another reason I will also say I was in the wrong though is that I did somewhat develop feelings for her overtime which she reciprocated. Idk it’s all just been hard to digest cause now me and her are in a weird situationship and they’re in an open relationship and he’s just controlling. I feel like I’m making the right decision pulling away but it’s really hard and I can only imagine how she feels right now.
How long should you wait when pulling away from someone so they can grow? Is it best that I’m trying to recover this relationship or is it just unsalvageable.

My ex m(22)and I f(21) had been broken up for About 2 years now. We had been together for about 5 years on and off. I wouldn't say our relationship was bad but wasn't great either. I had decided to break things off because he always kept trying to keep things between us with no label rather than putting a label on it. Since we broken up I had been in another relationship but been single for a couple months now. Now lately for about a week I have been dreaming about my ex nothing to wild but dreaming of going on dates with him and talking. When we broke up, it was kind of rocky on him because he realized that me leaving was leading him into depression and other thoughts. But one day he had blocked me on everything, like everything. Now since I kind of have been dreaming about him, I do have his emall and I was wondering if I should contact him? Would that be crazy? Let me know

I think I’ve been failing to fight a meltdown most of the night. I’m just. So. Tired.
I’m 31. My family doctor, who I’ve seen since I was a child, all but formally agrees I have autism and ADHD. I take Vyvanse which helps that side of things.
I’m finally needing to get a formal diagnosis as a precaution at work. I don’t have the energy to get into it, but I found out some managers were asking a co worker behind my back about if I was autistic.
I’ve never really hated myself. I’m a pretty good artist and have strengths others don’t. I am highly functional. I friggen taught myself how to read social cues and mask in high school. I’m happily married and have a job.
There’s things going on right now that are overwhelming. I am a good artist, but my brain gets stuck on tiny details that put me into a loop. Something that should take 30 minutes can take 5 hours. I fixate on things. I have so much trouble balancing adult things like cleaning. And eye contact at work. And not realizing how much I speak in a monotone until it came up at work.
My husband and home are usually safe spaces. We have some stuff going on that’s stressing him out and an unwanted relative staying at our house. Basically everything and everyone in my life is negative.
I was working on fixing this part of a painting I messed up. The paint was a weird texture because it was old. I had a meeting to go to and was going to grab dinner before then. But I couldn’t fix it right, my brain wouldn’t let it go, and I couldn’t go eat if I couldn’t even fix a highlight.
Next thing I know something in my brain just snaps. Nobody was home. I just started swearing, then yelling, angry and hitting myself. I just boiled over. I got myself together enough to go to this meeting, but the minute I got back in my car the feelings started happening again. So I’m this grown woman just crying and trying not to hit things again as I drive home. (I’ve always turned my rage towards myself because it can get so bad I don’t want to hurt others)
I’ve been better with emotional regulation before. I realize now that when I would self harm in anger before it probably was a meltdown. I thought it was something like depression. But now that I’ve actually had a proper freak out I think I recognize it for what it is.
I’ll be okay. I’m just tired. I’m self aware enough to know that I’m not neurotypical. I can recognize how I fucked up before today and how I should take better care of myself going forward. I just wish there was a pill I could take like my ADHD medication to make things a little less shitty in moments like this though.

I’ve (F36) been with my boyfriend (M34) for 2.5 years, long distance. In the beginning, obviously things were great. However, early on, I started to see some red flags.
He would lie about the stupidest things…things that didn’t even make sense to lie about. For example, I had visited him and made up a bunch of breakfast sandwiches for him to take to work. After I had gone home, he called me one morning saying that the sandwiches were great. He verbatim said, “I had one while I was running around the house getting ready and another one while I was driving to work.” Later in the day, I said “so those sandwiches were good, huh?” He said “what? I told you I was rushing today. I didn’t have any time for breakfast.” It honestly really scared me, and we never got to the bottom of it. His final comment on the situation was “it worries me, I don’t remember saying any of that to you.”
For reference…he has had multiple head traumas due to abuse by his mom and her boyfriends, abuse by his stepdad, dirt bike accidents, getting kicked in the head by his horses, and when he was married, he mouthed off and got whacked in the head with a frying pan by his ex…
Anyway, he’s VERY generous due to his high paying job and supports me with $1000/month which I apply to my rent (which is $1750). The other day I texted him saying I was craving a margarita, and he immediately sent me money to go get myself one. I didn’t need the money, but the gesture was thoughtful.
But lately, he’s just been really sketchy, mean, and self centered.
Sketchy: During the day, he is great about letting me know where he’s going and what he’s doing, usually; come evening though, he will sometimes just fall off the face of the planet and I cannot get a hold of him. He claims he doesn’t hear my calls or texts but he has a watch which is connected to his phone, so I know he’s ignoring me. We’ve talked about it a lot but he just says that he doesn’t need to give me an update every 10 min. And it’s like, no, you don’t…but once every 2 hours should be doable.
Mean: Today I was just having a rough day accompanied by a terrible headache. I called him because I knew he was off work and I just wanted to see if talking with him could put me in a better mood. Regarding my headache, he threw in a quick “you’ll be fine” line. When I told him I was feeling depressed and sad that he never asks how I was doing (more about that later in the “self centered” section), he said “you always tell me! I don’t need to ask! You BOMBARD my phone with 20 messages about your day so there’s no need to ask! I’m not gonna text you every hour and be like ‘how are you?’ I haven’t done that since junior high!” First off…I do text him sometimes, sure, but I do not “bombard” him. And the first thing that came to mind when he said that to me, was ‘he’s insecure that I actually DON’T text or call near as much as I used to, so he’s making things up to make himself feel more important and needed’. I said “well do you prefer that I don’t text you during the day and just wait til you’re off work to talk?” He said “umm no. That’s a game. Don’t play games with me.” I thought it was a possible solution…
Self Centered: Today, he knew I had a long commute in very stressful traffic. Instead of asking how my drive was, he texted me that he had broken his truck window, followed by a picture. Honestly, he’s not great at responding to my messages, and since I was driving, I didn’t respond. He eventually called to tell me the WHOLE story in FULL detail, not once, but twice! This is very common. He will tell me a story, and then tell me the same exact story again. And if I say “oh you already told me that”, he gets angry! So I just have to listen and come up with a new reaction, otherwise he will say I’m being rude. It’s like, he just loves the attention from his stories.
Later on, we were talking about my work and I started to tell him a story. He thought he knew what I was going to say so he tried to finish my sentence. I gently said, “oh, no that isn’t what I was going to say.” He said “oh, well that’s what I’M going to say.” I responded with an “ohhhkay…” which caused him to loudly exhale and say “FINE, what were you going to say?! My God!”
He can really be so mean. And we’ve tried talking about it, which just results in him talking over me, and not listening to anything that I say.
It’s been about three months since we have seen each other and I’m actually supposed to head his way next week for his niece’s wedding.
I know that he will be working the whole time I am there with the exception of the day of the wedding, so we won’t have to spend a lot of time together. Pretty sad to say that.
I just feel like he’s such a broken person who has been through so much trauma in his life. He really does have a lot of amazing qualities, but I feel like I just see less and less of them. I pray about the relationship all the time, but is there a point that I need to leave and just let God handle him when he’s not in a relationship?

People, people, people... Let me just tell you what happened to me today. I gotta give you some backstory, though. I moved from the city to WV a little over a year ago to be near my grandfather. This is not what I wanted for my life, but here I am. I bought a house, opened a brick n mortar business and have struggled ever since (I gotta tell you, it's a phenomenal business model but this just isn't the area for it). When I say struggling, I'm talking my vehicle's been in the shop since January (now mid-May), my gas was even cut off, so your girl was super-struggling. So I have a consult today and on the way out, I stop and grab the mail - FINALLY, my MOLDAVITE ring I ordered way back when I had funds arrives. I know I need to clean it, charge it and program it, but it's pretty so I put it on and I'm looking the way it looks. This random consult that I didn't even have to work to get, comes in, we're one accord on everything (rarely happens here) and she books $4,000 in services.
Odd thing - we strangely both had headaches - and neither of us are prone to them! (Don't worry, I've now read about this) Y'all other than this long-@ss story, I'm just speechless. Please - any advice is fully appreciated on how to utilize this amazing stone to be simpatico and continue to manifest in this fashion. Right now it's sitting in a selenite dish on my deck table, awaiting the morning sun.(Let me know if I need to go get it so it's not over charged!) TIA

Just a couple disclaimers: Please be nice, Im already dealing with a difficult situation. Leaving my husband isn't an option, we believe that our daughter needs one set of parents. Thanks :)
My husband , daughter, and Inare currently living with my inlaws. Moving here was last resort and it took a lot of convincing from my husband. The plan was while living here, my husband and I both go to work, and save for a house. We'd have help with the baby and cheap rent. But now our plans have changed.
I have never had an easy relationship with my MIL. She is a very singular person. She has CPTSD, deals with chronic pain and is under tons fo restrictions from drs. She's a very strong and admirable woman. In a lot of ways I look up to her. But I've had my struggles with her. She can be overbearing and an oversharer. She is overly involved in things she doesn't need to be. She offers constant unsolicited advice. And I don't feel like I've ever has a conversation with her that didn't evolve into her talking about her trauma, old family drama, and all the times people offended her. And as much as I want to be understanding of the things she's experienced, I don't really feel like she wants to get to know me and is only treating me like a trashcan for her bad experiences.
I have tried to set boundaries. Im not a good communicator and so it was really difficult for me to sit down with her and discuss what I needed. It was necessary though, especially since I had just given birth to my daughter. I asked her to back off with all the info dumping and trauma dumping (in kinder words but that was the basic gist). And I asked for a couple of other things when it came to our baby. But not too much later, my SIL came after me and accused me of trying to take my child and use her as a pawn to hurt my MIL. (Situations where children were used to hurt people was something that happened in their family unfortunately). I was extremely upset about this and since then not a whole lot has changed. Maybe I just needed to push harder for my needs?
It may not seem like a big deal but this is something that has me particularly upset too. We aren't allowed to use their washer and dryer or our own laundry detergent. I regularly go without clean underwear and work clothes. And I get rashes from the detergents they use. Everytime I've brought this issue up im told that I'm being pushy and expecting too much of my MIL.
There are TONS of other experiences here that have left me pretty disheartened and hurt. I feel like our needs aren't given any kind of consideration.
I don't feel valued here. And my mental health has seriously started to decline. Im struggling to make it to work, be a good DIL be a good mom, be a good wife, and on top of all of that still find time to be good to me. I've been thinking a lot about what the next best course of action is for me and how I can have the space and privacy to work through what I'm feeling. And I came to the conclusion that I need to move out. Whether that was going home to my parents or finding an apartment.
I've always had the mentality that of "if you don't like it leave". It took a lot to convince my husband. It's not easy to tell your partner that their family is the reason you are struggling. It took a lot of tearful conversations. Im not very good at standing up for myself but this is something that I need, especially if I want to be a good mom for our baby.
My husband is particularly upset. He feels that I have not tried hard enough to make this plan work. And he's upset that we are having to change our plans. Especially since part of the plan was sending him to school once we built up some more savings.
But, we put in an application for a cheap apartment her in town. And today we got word that we got it and our move in date is this Friday. And we broke the news to my inlaws and everyone is upset.
They all have their opinions and reasons as to why we can't move. Why it's a bad idea. Why financially we wont be able to pull it off. Even things like how my husband's brother was going to aply for that specific apparment even though we didnt know he was. Im being told that this is a bad impulsive choice even though im prioritizing my mental health. Im having a hard time feeling happy about this move. I'm hoping that maybe by writing this all out maybe I'll get some reassurance that this is the right choice.
Sorry if this was confusing. If something needs clarification please ask. I need just as much help understanding my situation haha

I'm a 20 year old and I live with my mother. My parents are divorced and I know nothing about my father's side of family as I was very young when it happened. My father is from a "low caste" (as they call it) and my family had not approved the marriage but my mom still got married and lived separately for sometime. My father was abusive towards my mother and was a drunkard. He had a wife about whom he had not told my mother. My mother stayed there for a while and then eventually decided to leave. My mother's family gave their reaction.. they said things like, "we told her and she didn't listen. She deserves that." My mother took me and we lived in a rented place for years. It was just me and her. There was no one to take care of me while she was in office and so she would leave me at my friend's place. I would stay there as soon as I got back from school or when I had holidays. Finally years later, when I was 7 or 8, my mother took me to see her family. I remember the look in their eyes. They didn't even bother if I was there (they = my mother's 1st younger sister. She had 3 sisters). I could not understand what they were talking about so I don't remember. I was very naughty and stubborn back then. I was a revolting kind of kid and I did receive some lessons from my mother to make things straight. But as time went by, I went to visit the grandparents and my uncles. They were nice. I had one more aunt (my mother's youngest sister) who lived abroad, I met her as well. Now idk why but whenever I made a mistake or something they would indirect bring up my father. They would say things like "you are his daughter afterall." Even if I had just made a small mistake. At first I didn't feel anything but looking at my other cousin brother, they didn't say anything to him even if he made a mistake. I used to envy him and kind of felt left out. I used to go to a boarding school and so I only came back home for my vacation. There were no phones allowed there so when I got home, I would listen to music, dance, watch movies and videos. My family members would give me a "you are too much. What is she even doing her" kind of look to me every single time. I would visit my grandparents place and I would always feel left out. Maybe I was just expecting too much from them. Now I was a teenager when things got worse. I had an argument with my mother once and my first aunt (let's call her aunt A) Aunt A called my other aunt (the abroad one.. let's call her aunt B) aunt B and told her all nonsense. You know when you tend to make things bigger, you mix up all kinds of spices and what not just to make that a big issue.. that is what my aunt did. Aunt B called me and scolded me for no reason because of all the other additional things Aunt A had told her. This happened a couple of times. My mother got sick and had to go to Delhi for treatment and Aunt A went with her. The other family members took me in that time and would help me get to my hostel, bring me home for holidays and took care of me. My cousin brother's mother was also sick a few months earlier but she had returned home. One morning I told my grandmother that I wanted to talk to my mother but she refused so I took the phone secretly and called my mom. She said she had reached and told me not to worry. But when my other family members found out that I had called my mom, they all started scolding me. "Your cousin brother is a god-like kid. He never called or asked for his mother. While you, you have the behaviour of your father. You will eat your mother alive someday." I was 9 or 10 years old then.
I got into high school and the same thing happened. I would have a little argument, Aunt A would eavesdrop our conversation and add things up and say it to Aunt B. Aunt B would come home for festivals and would scold the hell out of me. She would compare me with all the other kids in the area and especially my cousin brother. One time I had opened a Facebook account and they found out. They literally stalked me account and called my mother and told her that I had only men in my friend list. She said, "Your daughter does not have a pure blood. She is her father's daughter afterall. She is impure and I know she is up yo something bad." (Basically she tried to tell my mom that I would hook up with boys just like my father had married his wives). Time went on and they said what not. "We are your family only till your mother is alive. After that you go do whatever you want." "If you do this, if you do that, remember we are not your family. Don't call us that time." If they heard me sharing my problems with my mother, they would say "You are going to kill your mother. She is sick because of you." One time I was separating my old and new clothes and my mother was also there sitting in the sofa near me. I was tossing of my old clothes near the door so that it would be easier but then the next day after my classes I got a call from Aunt B. She told me that I had done the most terrible thing ever. Someone told her that I threw my clothes at my mother's face. She said "I love my sister (my mom) but seems like you will never love her." I was so done. She also blamed me for talking bad about my other cousins when I hadn't even done that. I used to joke with my mom saying that she cares for my younger cousins way more when I am away in hostel. But that thing took a turn. Still they tell me a lot of things. "You are showing your father's behaviour" this one is the most common one. I am a short-tempered, stubborn kid and I accept it. I could be at fault, too (and I do apologise for that). They call me "Kami", this might be a very communal thing to bring out, but yeah, it's basically what you call a SC if you are in a Nepali community. They sometimes use it to mock people as well. My family does that. I don't want to feel like way and try to be as optimistic as possible, but it is like that because for the same mistakes that are made by my other cousins, they never said anything. Every mistake, every situation, every argument, I am the bad guy. Why? Because my father who left years ago, when I couldn't even remember his face, was a drunkard, cheated on my mom and hated my mom's family because they did not like him and I am his daughter. The only person with a different title/surname in the family. What should I believe? Is it verbal abuse? Or? Please, someone tell me.

I'm a 20 year old and I live with my mother. My parents are divorced and I know nothing about my father's side of family as I was very young when it happened. My father is from a "low caste" (as they call it) and my family had not approved the marriage but my mom still got married and lived separately for sometime. My father was abusive towards my mother and was a drunkard. He had a wife about whom he had not told my mother. My mother stayed there for a while and then eventually decided to leave. My mother's family gave their reaction.. they said things like, "we told her and she didn't listen. She deserves that." My mother took me and we lived in a rented place for years. It was just me and her. There was no one to take care of me while she was in office and so she would leave me at my friend's place. I would stay there as soon as I got back from school or when I had holidays. Finally years later, when I was 7 or 8, my mother took me to see her family. I remember the look in their eyes. They didn't even bother if I was there (they = my mother's 1st younger sister. She had 3 sisters). I could not understand what they were talking about so I don't remember. I was very naughty and stubborn back then. I was a revolting kind of kid and I did receive some lessons from my mother to make things straight. But as time went by, I went to visit the grandparents and my uncles. They were nice. I had one more aunt (my mother's youngest sister) who lived abroad, I met her as well. Now idk why but whenever I made a mistake or something they would indirect bring up my father. They would say things like "you are his daughter afterall." Even if I had just made a small mistake. At first I didn't feel anything but looking at my other cousin brother, they didn't say anything to him even if he made a mistake. I used to envy him and kind of felt left out. I used to go to a boarding school and so I only came back home for my vacation. There were no phones allowed there so when I got home, I would listen to music, dance, watch movies and videos. My family members would give me a "you are too much. What is she even doing her" kind of look to me every single time. I would visit my grandparents place and I would always feel left out. Maybe I was just expecting too much from them. Now I was a teenager when things got worse. I had an argument with my mother once and my first aunt (let's call her aunt A) Aunt A called my other aunt (the abroad one.. let's call her aunt B) aunt B and told her all nonsense. You know when you tend to make things bigger, you mix up all kinds of spices and what not just to make that a big issue.. that is what my aunt did. Aunt B called me and scolded me for no reason because of all the other additional things Aunt A had told her. This happened a couple of times. My mother got sick and had to go to Delhi for treatment and Aunt A went with her. The other family members took me in that time and would help me get to my hostel, bring me home for holidays and took care of me. My cousin brother's mother was also sick a few months earlier but she had returned home. One morning I told my grandmother that I wanted to talk to my mother but she refused so I took the phone secretly and called my mom. She said she had reached and told me not to worry. But when my other family members found out that I had called my mom, they all started scolding me. "Your cousin brother is a god-like kid. He never called or asked for his mother. While you, you have the behaviour of your father. You will eat your mother alive someday." I was 9 or 10 years old then.
I got into high school and the same thing happened. I would have a little argument, Aunt A would eavesdrop our conversation and add things up and say it to Aunt B. Aunt B would come home for festivals and would scold the hell out of me. She would compare me with all the other kids in the area and especially my cousin brother. One time I had opened a Facebook account and they found out. They literally stalked me account and called my mother and told her that I had only men in my friend list. She said, "Your daughter does not have a pure blood. She is her father's daughter afterall. She is impure and I know she is up yo something bad." (Basically she tried to tell my mom that I would hook up with boys just like my father had married his wives). Time went on and they said what not. "We are your family only till your mother is alive. After that you go do whatever you want." "If you do this, if you do that, remember we are not your family. Don't call us that time." If they heard me sharing my problems with my mother, they would say "You are going to kill your mother. She is sick because of you." One time I was separating my old and new clothes and my mother was also there sitting in the sofa near me. I was tossing of my old clothes near the door so that it would be easier but then the next day after my classes I got a call from Aunt B. She told me that I had done the most terrible thing ever. Someone told her that I threw my clothes at my mother's face. She said "I love my sister (my mom) but seems like you will never love her." I was so done. She also blamed me for talking bad about my other cousins when I hadn't even done that. I used to joke with my mom saying that she cares for my younger cousins way more when I am away in hostel. But that thing took a turn. Still they tell me a lot of things. "You are showing your father's behaviour" this one is the most common one. I am a short-tempered, stubborn kid and I accept it. I could be at fault, too (and I do apologise for that). They call me "Kami", this might be a very communal thing to bring out, but yeah, it's basically what you call a SC if you are in a Nepali community. They sometimes use it to mock people as well. My family does that. I don't want to feel like way and try to be as optimistic as possible, but it is like that because for the same mistakes that are made by my other cousins, they never said anything. Every mistake, every situation, every argument, I am the bad guy. Why? Because my father who left years ago, when I couldn't even remember his face, was a drunkard, cheated on my mom and hated my mom's family because they did not like him and I am his daughter. The only person with a different title/surname in the family. What should I believe? Is it verbal abuse? Or? Please, someone tell me.

Please someone tell me if I’m the abusive one.
Today we were driving and my boyfriend shouted at me because the way I was holding my phone caused a glare. It caught me off guard and set my nerves off to the point I was struggling to speak. He was finding something wrong with every single little thing I did. Saying things to imply I’m stupid. Messing with me physically to the point that I’m in full flight or fight mode trying not to cry.
Fast forward a few hours later, he asks me why I’m acting the way I am. I told him my nerves were bad and he seemed sympathetic for a moment and gave me a kiss and tried to make me laugh but I couldn’t stop feeling nervous. Then I said something he didn’t like and he began throwing things around aggresisvely in the kitchen, grabbed a pair of rolled up sweatpants and threw them in my face.
My nerves finally snapped and I threw the pants back in his face and I pushed him hard. He fell back onto the bed but his foot caught on something and it hurt him. He was limping.
I feel like a horrible abuser and he even said it himself. He has a drinking problem and anger issues and it’s been a problem before. He has thrown things at me and shoved me and held me down. Verbal abuse, fk you bh, go f*k yourself, I’m a whore and a skank. Things like that. He’s threatened to throw the plates against the wall and smash the TV. And I always resented him for it, and now I’m thinking, I don’t know how I looked down on him. Because look at me now. I’ve never pushed or shoved or hit anyone in my life. I don’t even recognize myself. I have no idea who I’ve become. Someone please just be honest with me if I’m fucked up and becoming abusive. I don’t want to see myself turn into some awful evil version of who I used to be. And I am.
Thanks.

I'm posting this to show appreciation to my friends and family wh9 I love dearly. I was in an abusive relationship with my ex who made me stop talking to all my friends and threatened me to hurt me if I kept on talking to them, especially my friend who I've known since I was a kid. Not only my friends, but they were making me distance myself from my family too, insulting them and calling my mother a slut. My family suspected that something was going on, my friends knew the situation, but they couldn't help me as they could've gotten hurt. I felt awful that I abond9ned my friends and family, in the end though, I left my ex, and my friends and family were still there for me when they found out about it. I reconnected with everyone and I'm back on good terms. It's ironic, my ex made me leave my friends without saying anything to them, now they get to experience the same thing, the difference is, I don't fell bad about leaving them. I talked a lot about my ex on my account before, but this, this is an appreciation post about my friends and family.

Hi! this is a little embarassing to post here, but i need some input from others.
I (21F) have a crush on my best friend (21M). We've known each other for a year now and have become very close with one another. We hang out pretty much everyday at uni, as well as call/text, send each other tiktoks, and facetime a lot.
I like him, but its hard for me to gauge if he's into me too. It's hard to tell what's a sign (romantic/flirty), or what's just normal things between close friends. If it helps, neither of us have been in relationships (or kissed anyone, or any of that stuff) before. We're both on the same page in terms of those things, haha.
I feel like some of the things we do are not normal 'guy-girl' friendship things; these seem to go beyond that. I've been interpreting these things as more "romantic" than what normal friends do. Can you guys help me figure out what seems like a sign, and what doesn't?

• He calls me pretty, constantly. Many times, he has told me that I'm a "pretty girl" and that I can get away with a lot of things. Him calling me pretty has come up more times than I can count.
• We facetime for hours, even late into the night (until 3-4 am). Not playing games together, just talking about things.
• He has introduced me to his close friends (even outside of school). One weekend, he invited me to come with him to 3 parties in a row (same weekend)
• Everyone assumes we are dating (family, mutual friends, professors all assume it.)
• I don't ask for relationship advice, he will just start telling me it sometimes.
  • says stuff like "if you want to get a guy to like you, do ____. That's worked on me."
  • once i broke a bet i made with him, and he kept going on about how you can't lie to your partner in a relationship. I told him he's not my partner, but he still kept talking about it.
• Once (on another late night facetime call) he asked about my relationship status, and if I've had my first kiss yet.
• Worries about my health, A LOT.
  • a few months ago, i was dealing with some eye problems, when i complained to him about it, he went on searching online for symptoms and fixes. every time i saw him, he would ask how my eyes are doing, and point out other things he searched up that it could be. Months later, eyes are fixed now, yet he still asks: "how are your eyes? do they still hurt?"
  • I used to drink too much coffee, and everyday he would always nag at me to stop. He'd tell me it was bad for my overall health, anxiety, etc. Eventually he made up a bet to get me to drink less caffiene.
• This one makes me think a lot: he worried about my courseload/extracurriculars at school, and how much I can handle. He then made a list of classes I could do instead to help make things easier for me.
  • He got worried for me, asking if I really could manage all of that at once. He then went through our college's list of minors and courses and tried to find something easier for me to do so that I wouldn't be overwhelmed.
  • He even told me on a facetime call about it: "One day you're going to have a nice boyfriend, and you won't have any time for him if you get involved in all of those things around school."
  • (I understand that it is good to have a friend look out for you. but some of this seems above and beyond what even I would do for a close friend.)

Sorry for the long post! I'm happy to have a supportive friend. But some of the things that we do don't feel like normal 'girl-guy' friendship things.
What do you guys think? Are these signs?

I'm a 27 yr old, who feels kinda lost. Granted I have my 2 kids, a stable job, a wonderful boyfriend, and a supportive group of wonderful people in my life. I just found out that I'm pregnant and the family is excited. However I'm currently taking my abuser to court and it's been getting stalled. Multiple times. What I mean by stalled is that they keep pushing it off for one reason or another. I wanna give you guys some background before I ask my questions.
When I was 11 my biological father signed his rights away, gave me to my biological mother and (at that time) my stepdad, and left my life. I remember, on my birthday, the school threw a wonderful party for me. Then my dad picked me up from school early and we drove to a gas station miles away and I saw my biological mother for the first time since I was 8. My stepdad gave me gifts and I saw my dad signing something on the back of his car and handing it to my biological mother. We eventually got back to my bio mom's house (after a tire flying off the car and spending a night in a hotel room) and got settled. We lived in an old house and they converted the dinning room into a bedroom for me. So in order to get into the kitchen from the front room, they had to come through my room. Every night my stepdad would come by and run my head. Tracing over my hair from the front of my head to the end of my pixie cut hair. At that time I thought that this is what a dad who loves their kid does because my bio dad wasn't that affectionate. 6 months after we got home from the gas station, my stepdad adopted me. Since he was 14 years younger than my mom and only 10 years older than me, it was easy to get along with him. I saw him more as a friend than a father and my bio mom was distant so he'd be the one interacting with me. When I was 12 my bio mom and adoptive father used to check if I brushed my teeth by smelling my breath. My bio mom stopped doing it and asked my adoptive father to do it, so he was the main one that checked my breath. Once he joked about if I were to do it again that he'd kiss me. I told my adoptive father that I wasn't scared of him and he kissed me. The adult activities followed a few days after that. When I was 13, I had a boyfriend who I told that my adoptive father and I did adult things, because I wanted him to know that I knew about that world. My bf (at that time), let's call him Tod, informed me that my aunt needed to hear my stories. So I told her. I remember her face going pale for a moment and then she was back to her normal self. Since I was only at my aunt's house because me and Tod were picking out me a homecoming dress, we got in the car shortly after I told my aunt. She drove us (me and Tod) home and there was a white car there. I got taken into foster care until I was 14 (only spending the beginning of 8th grade in care). I felt so bad for talking about what happened between me and my adoptive father that I recanted what I had said and ended up being placed back in the house with my bio mother and adoptive father. The adult activities continued just a couple weeks after I got home. When I was 16, I ran away with a new bf. That bf got scary aggressive so I messaged my bio mom and told her I needed to come home. She told me she wasn't going to be there if I came back. I didn't believe her because she's lied to me multiple times before. I broke up with him. My adoptive father came to get me and got me back to the house. My bio mom ended up not being there. So for the next couple years, I still went to school, adult activities still continued, alcohol and drugs were introduced, physical violence started, more abusive language came out, and all of that my adoptive father made sure of. I found out I was 3 months pregnant when I was 18. I got kicked out. Keep in mind it was only me and my adoptive father in the house. I ended up getting myself an apartment and was able to make a little money by selling jewelry and crafts I made. All that time, I didn't understand that what he did to me was wrong. So when he showed up to my apartment with flowers and a card for mother's day(even though the baby wasn't born yet), I let him inside. My adoptive father apologized. The cycle started all over again except for the drugs and alcohol because of the baby. I gave birth and couldn't breastfeed so he started smoking green with me. My adoptive father caused a huge fight that cost me my apartment so I moved towns away into a friend's house. We will call her Bee. Bee had dated and had a kid with my brother and we were really close. I knew Bee since early highschool and she knew a lot of what I went through. I made friends there and Bee had my kicked out of their house so me and my first born moved into another friends house. I got beat there so I call my uncle to help me find a place. Unfortunately my uncle didn't know what my adoptive father had done so they showed up to pick me up together. We (me, son, and adoptive father) moved into adoptive grandma's house. The cycle started again. This time he was the only one who was allowed to drink and it was behind doors because Grandma was against it. I didn't even know until after. It was in that house, he disclosed to me that he used to peek through the slats of the wall of the bathroom while I showered when I was 11, and that he was the one to leave the vibrator on the counter for me to find. Adoptive grandma bought me and my adoptive father a house that needed some work on. Adoptive father attacked adoptive grandma so we got evicted and moved into that house alone. The house didn't have electricity or running water, but we were able to stay clean and comfortable because we knew how to survive in that environment, but even I can admit that's no way to live. Drugs and alcohol were common. Adoptive father also gave me(I don't think I have to say in what way) to several of his friends. One night, a friend of Bee's came over and hung out with us after my son fell asleep. The friend had brought alcohol over and we all had a few drinks. Adoptive father because angered and the friend left. My son woke up because of the yelling so I picked him up to comfort him. I should have left him there because what happened next I still hold a lot of hate towards myself for even though my son is perfectly fine now. Adoptive father became more and more upset by the minute so I moved so it'd put space between us. I moved to where there was a table between me and adoptive father. I'm still holding my son at that time. Adoptive father comes rushing towards the table and throws it out of the way. He swung at me and I turned my body thinking that I had to block the blow for hitting my son. I didn't turn quick enough and my son (only 1yrs old) had a red mark on his chest. Adoptive father paused for a moment in shock that he hit the baby and gave me enough time to put the baby down and grab my phone. I started to call my closest friend at that time (who was aware of my life story and was on call whenever I needed a safe place) but adoptive father grabbed my phone, hung up, and held me down until I told him I wouldn't leave the house. I waited until he was asleep and call my friend again. Minutes later me and my baby were in a car heading to safety. The last time I spoke directly to my adoptive father was when I was 21, and that was because he called me and asked if I pressed charges against him for hitting the baby. I told him, no I didn't but his bio dad (who he hated) was the one to talk to the cops and gave them pictures of my bruises. He spent 2 years in prison for assault and that was his third strike at that time. The states attorney found out that I had a child with my adoptive father and called me on the number I gave the cops. 4 years ago they opened a case of incest against him and have filed charges. The trials and sentencing dates have been postponed multiple times and the next courtdate is in July of this year. The last one was supposed to be in April, however the defense attorney was sick. 2 years ago, while I was in a lot of counseling appointments, I finally understood what grooming was and that my childhood and teenage years weren't supposed to happen. At least in a good family, the situations I was put in wouldn't have happened. I found out that my adoptive father married Bee (the friend who had a kid with my brother) and that they had 3 kids together. My brother found out that that couple had beaten my niece and now has full custody of my niece.
I currently live in a home with my kids and bf. I have a job. I have kept up with every court date. I have shown up for every courtdate. Even driving hours to and from the court house because I lived 2 years in a different state. I have done everything in my power to make sure my kids are safe and away from the situation. However I feel like my oldest will need to know who his bio father is eventually. He's only 8yrs old rn. He does resemble his bio father in some ways that are only shown when he's mad or trying to hide something and it scares me every time. I love my kid and I feel horrible everytime my mind sees my adoptive father in my son. My son knows that his biological father is responsible for a scar across his middle finger because his bio father turned on a industrial fan while my son's hand was on it, but that's all he knows about his biological father. How do I go about helping him not turn into the type of person his biological father is? How would I address it later when he has more questions?

For context - we’re all 18, graduated last year and They’ve been dating for two months but they’ve known each other for a year. I also have a boyfriend and I have a great support network of friends (two in particular have been helpful), family and I just started going to therapy. We’ve been friends for 15 years and we’re basically family. Most importantly, I have a boyfriend of one year who has been my rock throughout this and without him I think I’d go insane. (Just in case anyone thinks im jealous of the relationship itself) But she is very comfortable with him and has called him one of her top five friends and it’s amazing seeing them get along. When they first met she thought he was a wanker, and he is and she still does think that (yeah I don’t get it either) but she went to his formal in November and they started becoming good friends and the more they saw each other, the more the tension grew. They hooked up in February and started dating in March. Here’s the thing - I don’t like him, I think I may hate him but for my sanity I won’t admit that. As a matter of fact, she has no idea I don’t like him, I know that with these problems he has, she needs to be the one to realise that, and if I put myself between them she’d choose me but I will never do that to her. The other thing is, I know she needs this experience, I should not and will not be the person to point out his flaws. If she cannot realise that on her own… well I don’t know. But I know she is aware of these, but they haven’t hindered her passion and care for him. He has made comments to my family, he said to me my brother will get ‘clipped’ because of his name, which is awful, and my little brother, along with my siblings are so dear to me they are like my family. It’s also important to note that I am very friendly to this guy and we get along fine, he just always says something a little fucked but I keep that to myself and repeat it to my boyfriend and sometimes my best friend - I don’t give my input I just am like ‘he said this… im surprised you were accepting of that’ and she usually (genuinely) agrees ‘it’s fucked’ and brings it up w him, he apologises and then she’s fine w it (not sure but I can only assume because she rlly likes this guy, and it’s only grown, so clearly nothing has changed). I have a few concerns about this whole situation 1. How the hell can she forgive this guy who has made derogatory remarks about my family more than once and just being generally hateful to the people around him and then still look at him with this love (which by the way, they haven’t said I love you yet but she hangs out with him every two nights - including mothers day AND the night before mothers day so she ?… you gotta really love someone to put them in front of your mum) 2. She keeps telling me don’t worry it’s not like I’m going to marry him but DUDE you told me never in a million years would you date him! And the thing is… She didn’t think so, but I knew, once they started getting closer it became apparent it to me that it was only a matter of time… She’s never had a good understanding of her own feelings, so I can’t blame her, but it is so frustrating that it seems like I know her better than she knows herself - which she’s told me over and over again. 3. This is the worst part… I feel like I think less of her because of whose she’s dating. This man is arrogant, rude, fake and disrespectful. He’s good to her and they have a great time together. But if he’s rude, how can she allow that. I’d be ok with that if she was like nah I don’t like him too much we just have fun. But she likes him! She truly does. And I can’t help but hate that... How do I stop thinking less of her? It’s not really her fault but I can’t help it! I feel so immature and selfish and she deserves so much better than the way I’m feeling And I know she loves me so so much, and I promise if I had a doubt I’d say that here. But for some reason I get so stressed by this and I don’t fully understand why and how to help myself. And if I can’t help myself, how can I help her? But then there’s the concern that these concerns are illegitimate. I’m also worried that this is all in my head… I know why I care, it’s because I love her more than life itself and I want her to have everything she deserves, but I’m starting to worry I care TOO much. Every time we go out I talk about why I’m worried —> she understands (and agrees?) —> I feel better for two or three days —> I stress out —> I talk to her and the cycle continues. It’s draining! The thing between them has been going on for three months (dating for two) and it’s been almost the worst three months of my life. I am constantly met with confusion, grief, anger and overall despair. I know this is coming across as ’typical teenage drama’ and I’m sure it probably is that, and I know in five years I will be adjusted to this and he’ll be long gone. But this is so hard! I cannot find peace! Someone please help me figure out a way to accustom to these feelings and how much I need to change or talk

We need more attention and DD posted about the new rules the NSCC and OCC (The options Clearing Corporation) have been proposing to the SEC last couple months. Mainly because they have been pulling alot of bullshit like redacting whole pages from the public’s view of these rules couple months ago to completely removing the ability to view/posting comments on the SEC’s website last week so you know they are on some BS.

• The NSCC is the National Security Clearing Corporation that is a subsidiary of the DTCC that provides central clearing, risk management, info, and settlement services to the market.

-The OCC is the Options Clearing Corporation that delivers clearing and settlement services for options, futures and securities lending transactions to exchanges and trading platforms.
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The main rules I’m referring to are as Follow:

• SR-OCC-2024-007
  
• SR-OCC-2024-001
  
• SR-OCC-2024-002
  
• SR-OCC-2024-003
  
• SR-OCC-2024-004
  

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The main concerns with these rules and things that need to be looked in to are as follow-
*Lack of transparency to the public/retail investors vs Market Makers, hedge funds and other institutions
*A major decrease of margin requirements for institutions, rule 007 even says something about OCC being able to decrease the required collateral for a party in one scenario from $300 Billion to $6 Billion if they used the new proposed rule of using NSCC for settlements instead of outside parties (brokers), stinks like some BS kicking the can pile of shit to me covered in words like “more efficient markets.” Look at page 5 of rule “007” for reference.
*Bail outs
*Avoiding Margin Calls if the OCC thinks it was a “mechanical/systematical issue or error.”
*(Rule NSCC-2023-007) Without NSCC, there's no netting for OCC & in January 2022, the largest gross broker-to-broker settlement amount in the case of a larger Clearing Member default would have resulted in liquidity needs of approximately $384,635,833,942 from OCC. ($384 BILLION) -Anybody know who almost defaulted? I don’t remember anything happening in Jan 2022 except crypto going down. Maybe they “accidentally” put 2022 instead of 2021?
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This discussion is not covering the T+1 change that is also proposed in the rules, which I personally think would be good for both retail and the big players. But feel free to comment on that as well if you wish.

• I may make edits as I get updates from comments. They will be linked under this section:

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Links to proposed rules-
(007) https://www.sec.gov/files/rules/sro/occ/2024/34-99735_0.pdf
(001) https://public-inspection.federalregister.gov/2024-01386.pdf
(002) https://www.theocc.com/getmedia/88a24549-3a86-458f-9231-d0b072608c63/SR-OCC-2024-002.pdf
(003) https://www.theocc.com/getmedia/99490271-394d-4bab-ba33-d27f33cdef6e/sr_occ_2024_003.pdf
(004) https://www.theocc.com/getmedia/11b35eef-2020-4dfc-af8f-25ae41acdc91/sr-occ-2024-004.pdf

So I'm gonna start this off with saying I suck at explaining how I feel in posts and well I have a hard time explaining anything anywhere so if what I say doesn't make sense in some parts I do apologize. Hi, my name's Cj I'm a soon to be 26 (may 22nd aye, only eight days away from posting this) male who just kind of had a blown up at my mom but no yelling conversation with my mom. My mom (soon to be 49) had me as a bit of an accident, her and my dad (who lives in Vegas) had "one last go" before my mom moved back to Wisconsin and then found out she was pregnant with me a few months later. Growing up she always told my dad didn't want anything to do with me, was an alcoholic, drug addict and other horrible things so she never let me talk to him or let him come to Wisconsin to see me or us go out to Vegas to meet him at all (I never met him or talked to him). After he passed away in 2011 I started talking to his side of the family like my aunts, uncles and grandma. A year or so after talking to them I asked them if my dad ever talked about me to them or how he wanted to see me, they told me that he loved me so much and was trying to do everything he could to see me and meet me. A couple years ago I asked my aunt about my dad being an alcoholic and all that, my aunt said my dad never touched the stuff, only drug he did was a bit of weed every now and then, no alcohol or hard drugs. When I found that out I was heartbroken and I kind of kept it inside of how I felt for a few months, when I confronted her about her lies she denied ever saying anything like that but my grandparents, uncle and other family members all tell me that she said all those bad things about him all the time. My dad from when I was born to when he died, tried so hard to meet me and spend time with me but my mom denied him every time. Denied me my father and made up lies about him to make me think he was a bad man but he was the complete opposite.
That's one of the things I blew up at her about, here's the others. When I was about 4 or 5 years old my mom married my ex step dad (they divorced when I was 10) and they had my two younger sisters (that information will come into play soon). For the years my mom was married to, let's call him C, C abused me mentally and physically but that's it. She never once defended after he did those things except for maybe a couple times in the beginning. Now if my sisters (one who is 6 years younger than me and the other is 8 years younger than me) had been treated even an ounce badly she would defend them right away. Fast forward to the present, I left my mom to live with my grandparents at the age of 10 (right after their divorce) when they got legal custody of me cause I was dealing with a lot of mental stuff kids that age should never deal with (depression, PTSD and more),I included that part of moving in with my grandparents cause it was at that time she never told me she loves me, appreciates me or anything since then. I always had contact with her, visited her dozens of times a month with my grandparents, stayed with her, lived with her for a year back in 2021-2022 after I got out of the mental hospital. I have done so much for her, after my dad died I started getting social security death benefits (I believe that's what it is called I'm not to sure) monthly but since I was still young my mom was getting them, I didn't get a PENNY from those which were supposed to go to me and my care cause she was using it all on herself for rent when I didn't even live with her, random bull crap and more. When I was able to open my own bank account when I was 16 with the help of my grandparents I started getting those checks myself. When that happened she went off the handle and blamed me for her possibly getting kicked out of her place, not being able to afford food and other things when she had a great paying job that she was able to more than support herself and my two sisters as a single mom. Ever since then my mom constantly guilt trips me into helping her out with money (she makes almost twice as much as I do) for bills and food, I used to do it every time and she never thanked me for it, said she loved me for doing it or anything. I've recently stopped doing it but she still brings up in random phone conversations or texts quite literally out of thin air (we can be talking about random things like the weather) like saying "yeah I don't think I can afford the electric bill this month cause my whole paycheck went to rent and I don't even think I can get groceries" but yet she can afford getting more random crafts she'll lose interest in in a matter of days, new bags, water bottles and more.
Okay sorry for the long winded explanation, this all boiled up to yesterday (day after mother's day) when she posted stuff about what my sisters got her for mother's day, nothing about what I got her even though I spent $100+ on her and not even a thanks or I love you for it. I called her and asked why she didn't include what I got her she simply said "I don't know" and for some reason that set me off to where I spent about 25 minutes telling her how she has made me feel like a son she never wanted and doesn't want by saying she kept me from my dad for no reason, she let the abuse happen, she drains me of my money, doesn't say I love you, makes everything about her like when my grandma died, how she hurts me with all the bad stuff she's done to me, talks bad about me behind my back (I know this cause my sisters tell me when she does when she talks to them and vice versa for me to them), doesn't care if I died barley able to get a coherent sentence together cause I'm choking on tears. All she had to say was "so you just think I'm a horrible mother? Should I just go die in a hole then? Would that make you feel better?". When she said that I just hung up the phone and cried till I had to go to work, I work with kids so I had to put on a strong face. We haven't talked since then and I don't know how long it will be till We do..... So AITA for finally letting her know how I feel about what she's done/does to me? Or am I truly a bad son like how she makes me feel?

I've been thinking a lot and in fact I'm the AH because of the way I treated my wife, Even if most of the comments agreed with me, I don't think it was right to say that to the woman I love even though I was angry.
I apologized to her for what I said and the way I said it but I told her that I don't like it when she ignores me and gives me the cold shoulder when I try to talk about our issues and the fact that she denied the familiarity between our son and daughter was just cruel, she apologized for it and said she was angry and said things she regret.
I made it clear to her that Anna is coming even if she doesn't like it because no one can forbid any of my children to live with me, she tried to argue but I asked her how she would feel if we divorced and my new girlfriend refuses to let our son live with me just because she didn't sign up for it. I asked her if she would appreciate a man who abandons his children for a woman more than a man who cares about his children, if she would feel confident knowing that she is married to a man who abandons his children that easily.
My wife said no, that obviously she knows how much I care about our children and hates the kind of mans who abandons their kids, that she knew she wanted to have a child with me because she saw how even though my daughter was so far away I made video calls to her every day and we always help each other with things around the house. Then I asked her why she rejects the idea of my daughter being here and she admitted being jealous of Anna, it is something that I have noticed in the past. For example, for one of my daughter's birthday I sent money to her mother to buy her a dress that was quite expensive and my wife just said 'I guess you will buy our son something just as expensive' it was my mistake to let those comments pass and think they were just a weird joke.
She said that she doesn't want my daughter to come and took time away from my son, that bothered me and I told her that if we had two children my time would also be divided and that as a father I can give the same attention to both.
We talked a lot, My wife admitted that her jealousy is wrong but it's how she feels, I told her that feeling isn't right, being jealous of my daughter isn't right and I told her that it would be okay to start going to the psychologist if we want to fix this because I'm not going to leave my daughter live in a place where she doesn't feel loved, my wife accepted after talking about it a lot these days.
My wife and daughter always had a nice treatment, when I make video calls with Anna, my wife usually talks a little but not that much, I think my mistake was not offering my wife to make video calls alone with Anna like Anna does with my toddler sometimes. My daughter really likes my wife and calls her 'auntie' even if they don't know each other too well, so I don't want her to know how my wife really feels about her.
I offered my wife to teach her how to play the same video game I play with my daughter so they can play together and get to know each other more, I know Ana would love that! They both have a lot of same intereses, she accepted and said she loves me and wants to try it for me and for our toddler.
If I leave my wife I would be breaking my son's house, he's my baby too and the last thing I want is letting adult matters affect him, I don't want to do that and I love this woman, I want this to work and I'm going to do my part for it but the first moment she treats my daughter badly, I will end things with her and I clarified that to her and she was right with that and promised me to work on this.
I still haven't confirmed anything to Ana's mother about the date on which our daughter can come since I need to fix the room for her first and I want my wife and little girl to get to know each other better, talking about it with my psychologist, he told me that the best thing is always to get them closer little by little before Ana comes to live here. This last four days my wife and Ana have been talking longer and I told Ana that we could teach my wife how to play with us.
I suppose a lot of people are going to call me an idiot for not divorcing my wife because that was what most of the comments told me, but it's not all that simple as that. Seeing that my wife has opened up to me and is trying to work things out, I prefer to give this a second chance and hope that she can see my daughter as her friend and even as her family if she allows it to herself.

I'm autistic and never had close friends growing up, and I think my life really went downhill from middle school onward (I'm in my 30s now) because I was never able to put myself out there, so I grew up alone and missed out on all the coming of age experiences that normal kids get to have. I never had a group of friends to do things with, never had anyone help me find what I was good at, and never learned to be independent from my family. It feels like the best part of my life is already over and I'm still stuck with my family who I hate, and I don't have any sense of what to do with my life, and hearing people talk about all the memories they made growing up with their friends makes me so jealous and I want to steal their life or something.
It makes me really depressed that I have no good memories from my teens or 20s when normal people get to have fun with their friends and build a sense of identity, and I think it screwed me up for life. I want the last 15 or 20 years of my life to just be undone so I can do it over and if that's not possible then I don't think anything matters.