Mainly coming from my gut, it tells me this coworker has secretly been into me. For a good 8 months.
Is that possible?
Things that make me think he likes me: He’s a gentleman. Attempted to fix my tire and ended up giving me a ride home. I didn’t ask but I did complain a little about it and he offered his spare. Wasn’t compatible. So he offered a ride home. (didn’t talk much on the ride home) Will be really sweet at times. Shy type only around me, I low key or intimidate him in some way, hopefully in a positive light. But sadly, we can’t even hold a conversation. If so, it’s forced and awkward. Then the random moments of 5 sec long prolonged eye contact. Got them just locked sometimes and its enough to leave me questioning, does he want me? Or look at everyone this way. He always needs to say bye to me. (Strange thing he does) compliments people around me when the compliment was obviously meant for me. Shy around only me. He treats me very different from others girls and easily chat up a storm. Funny enough, he’s a mute for the most part around me. He will talk confidently loud to his friends, but the moment I try to start a convo he cuts it short. And shows obvious signs of nervousness (or wanting to escape) that wasn’t previously shown around the other girls. The bad side of him is the jealousy i’ve noticed. Anytime we got new male coworkers he keeps me away after them, demanding me around if he noticed me talking to them. And starts to act more snarky and demanding after I talked to them. I don’t understand this bit either.
Things that make me think he doesn’t like me:
We’ve been working together for almost 8 months now. Sometimes we don’t even talk at all. Just hi and bye. Avoids me at times. Hot and cold. Doesn’t try to talk to me sometimes. If he does it’s small talk or biz related.
But I am just left with this agonizing gut feeling and a longing of satisfying the tension in some way with an answer. Is he shy or am I reading too much into it?
What do you think? Should I make a move? If so, how?

Mainly coming from my gut, it tells me this coworker has secretly been into me. For a good 8 months.
Is that possible?
Things that make me think he likes me: He’s a gentleman. Attempted to fix my tire and ended up giving me a ride home. I didn’t ask but I did complain a little about it and he offered his spare. Wasn’t compatible. So he offered a ride home. (didn’t talk much on the ride home) Will be really sweet at times. Shy type only around me, I low key or intimidate him in some way, hopefully in a positive light. But sadly, we can’t even hold a conversation. If so, it’s forced and awkward. Then the random moments of 5 sec long prolonged eye contact. Got them just locked sometimes and its enough to leave me questioning, does he want me? Or look at everyone this way. He always needs to say bye to me. (Strange thing he does) compliments people around me when the compliment was obviously meant for me. Shy around only me. He treats me very different from others girls and easily chat up a storm. Funny enough, he’s a mute for the most part around me. He will talk confidently loud to his friends, but the moment I try to start a convo he cuts it short. And shows obvious signs of nervousness (or wanting to escape) that wasn’t previously shown around the other girls. The bad side of him is the jealousy i’ve noticed. Anytime we got new male coworkers he keeps me away after them, demanding me around if he noticed me talking to them. And starts to act more snarky and demanding after I talked to them. I don’t understand this bit either.
Things that make me think he doesn’t like me:
We’ve been working together for almost 8 months now. Sometimes we don’t even talk at all. Just hi and bye. Avoids me at times. Hot and cold. Doesn’t try to talk to me sometimes. If he does it’s small talk or biz related.
But I am just left with this agonizing gut feeling and a longing of satisfying the tension in some way with an answer. Is he shy or am I reading too much into it? Am I projecting?
What do you think? Should I make a move? I am also shy!

Hi! I'm a traditional egalitarian Jewish lesbian living in Baltimore, and I'm ready to settle down and start a family. I'm a lawyer and a homeowner, a board game enthusiast, a pretty good cook, have a great relationship with my family, and I come with an adorable dog! I feel most comfortable in Conservative, Reform, or Reconstructionist shuls (I currently attend a Reform shul), keep kosher at home and kosher-style outside the home, go to Shabbat services every week and observe holidays, and while I'm not fully Shomer Shabbos, I do observe Shabbat in my own way. I enjoy classical music, women's sports, cooking and baking, D&D, hyperfixating on mediocre tv shows, and playing pub trivia with my parents. I have ADHD, so I'm kind of chaotic and disorganized, but I'm also very creative and funny! I'm looking for a Jewish woman in her 20s or 30s who likes dogs, wants kids, and lives within a few hours traveling distance of Baltimore. Open to any type of observance from cultural to Modern Orthodox, but must be willing to attend shul with me and raise children in a synagogue community. Keeping kosher is not necessary, but a definite plus.

Let me share my 3000h of modded wisdom with you, my fellow vanilla comrades. My attempt here is to provide you with as many as possible improvements to the base game while keeping the style, balance, and content as vanilla as possible. As they say, when it works the best is when you don't realize it is there. I guarantee you that after playing for a while with these, you will no longer be able to tell what's from the base game and what's not.
You don't know how to mod? Maybe this very basic guide will help. Please, note that many mods come with options to tune up your experience. It is recommended you give them a look.
You can find the steam collection here. Be aware that some of these mods require the DLCs. You don't have the DLCs? Just don't use the mod.
Dependencies:

Harmony + Huglibs. Required by so many mods, you may as well be done with it and always have them.
Vanilla Expanded Framework. While not as radically necessary as the previous ones, it's still a dependency fairly common. And this one actually does cool things on its own, like loading new modded factions without having to start a new game.
XML Extensions. You won't be able to access the options of some mods without this.

Performance

Dub performance analyzer. Enable the optimizations and override options, you can ignore everything else. If you want to disable alerts, use rocketman.
Rocketman. By default, it should be good enough. This mod also allows to disable alerts you may don't care about, like, dunno, tattered apparel or unhappy nudity. It is recommended to run adaptive move occasionally (in stat cache settings).
Performance Optimizer. More hacker magic. If you don't like the UI changes, you can disable them in the options. This mod does more performance stuff aside from that, so use it anyway!
Performance Fish. You will have to install this mod manually, since it's not available in the workshop. You will also need to install its dependencies, Fishery and Prepatcher. Please, be aware that at the present there's an issue in which linking storages crashes the game. However, this can be prevented by disabling "TryFindBestBetterStoreCellFor" in the options.

Minor changes

Optimization Meats. Unless you really want dozens of different meat types for some weird role-play reason, this mod will reduce the bloat on your kitchens.
Better Animal Tab
Better Info Card
Conduit Deconstruct. A button to exclusively dismantle power conduits.
Disable Automatically Select Travel Supplies
Improved Need Indicator
Map Preview. You can reroll as well!
Prepare Landing. You can search world tiles matching your conditions. Goes great with Map Preview.
Medical Tab. An easy way to overview your colony health.
More Harvest Designators! e.g. harvest only fully growth plants.
ModDiff. Great improvement of the mod mismatch screen.
Pharmacist Temporary Update. Instead of always using the best medicine, now your pawns can use the appropriate medicine for the situation. No longer will they spent glitterworld meds on scratches!
Smart Turret Covering. Fixes an issue with turret covers.
PawnTargetFix. So that the autotarget prioritizes the closest enemy.
Poisoned Food Stack Fix (Fix). Fixes an issue with meal stacks.
Priority Treatment Ressurected. Doctors will finally prioritize keeping your pawns alive over taking a nap. Disable the option that prevents injured pawns from performing surgery, it has issues.
QualityBuilder. You can set up a target level for furniture, and your pawns will reconstruct it until it's achieved. If I remember correctly, it's enabled by default for all new furniture? You can turn that off in options.
RPG Style Inventory Revamped. Much better looking inventory.
Replace Stuff. Allows to directly replace buildings, without having to deconstruct first.
Research Tree. A better research tree.
RimHUD. The best mod of the whole list, it will save you A TON of clicks.
RimSaves. Overhaul of the save menu.
Show Known Techprints on the trade screen.
Show mechanoid weapons on the info screen.
Smarter Construction. No more babysitting pawns when building walls.
Stack gap. By default, pawns constantly refill storages. With this mod, you can configure it so that storages are refiled only when they're empty.
Sun Lamp Honesty. Fixes an issue with sun lamps
Just Put It Over There. Traders will deliver the merchandise, instead of dropping it on the ground.
Trade Ships Drop Spot. Mark the spot in which orbital traders will deliver the merchandise, instead on whenever they feel like it. Doesn't work inside animal pens.
Trading Options. Configure how frequent you want the traders to be.
WVC. More work modes for the mechanitor.
Save Settings. Allows you to save and load storage, production, and clothes settings. Works cross-save!
No Max Bills. Removes the bill cap on workbenches.
Better ground-penetrating scanner
Colored deep resources
Common Sense. Feel free to configure however you like it. I prefer it like this.
Dubs Mint Menus. Improvements to a bunch of menus.
Better Pawn Control. Improved management policies.
Animals Logic. A lot of useful animal-related improvements. Disable the meat option if you're using Optimization Meats.
Non uno Pinata. Pawns don't drop items when downed. Configurable.
Bulk Smelting will save you precious time.
Stonecutting Extended. The same as the previous mod, but for stones.
Electric Stonecutting Table. To speed up the stonecutting even more.
Faster Smoothing, a must for all mountain/underground out there.
Do Your F****** Research. You can order pawns to research.
Go the Fork to Sleep. You can order pawns to sleep.
Meal Radius. Configure how far pawns will search for a table to eat.
Home radius. Configure the size of the automatic home area.
Smarter Visitors. Visitors will leave if things get dangerous.
Custom Guilt Duration. Executions in vanilla are a pain because the guilty status goes away too fast. Now you can configure it.
Dress Patients. Allows dressing of downed pawns.
Way Better Romance
Hunters Use Melee
Injured Carry. Allows to rescue not downed pawns, no longer you have to wait for the bleeding to down them.
Not My Fault. The player is no longer responsible for unrelated deaths on the map.
Deep Storage + Simple Storage. Improves stockpile management.
Pick Up And Haul. Improved hauling.
While You're Up. Complement for the previous mod. Keep in mind that these two mods will trivialize part of the challenge by freeing a lot of time from your colonists. Just, dunno, turn up the difficulty a notch or something.
Trading Spot. Marks where you want traders to stop on your map. It's a must if you use a desired path mod (I don't know if they have been updated to 1.5 yet).
Vanilla Base Generation Expanded. Improved NPC base generation.
Cut plants before building
Psychic Harmonizer Lag Fix
Fellow Ideology players, you're welcome.
- Style Change Anytime
- Persistent Precepts

Mayor changes

Dubs Bad Hygiene. Plumbing!
Vanilla Temperature Expanded. Lot of useful temperature-related buildings, as well as proxy heat, a very cool mechanic. Some buildings are redundant with the previous mod, just don't research the ones that you don't want.
Death Rattle + Biosculpter Patch + Life Support. Changes the behavior of mortal wounds so they're not instakills.
Dynamic Flooding. Inundations!
Some Things Float. I recommend disabling the chance of pawns loosing their footing.
Layered Wall Destruction. Walls aren't just destroyed, they become debris. Note that there's an issue in which the debris will spawn home areas.
Yayo's Combat. Combat overhaul. You can disable the ammunition system if it's not your thing.
Character Editor. Allows you to edit and save/load pawns.
RunAndGun. Allows to use guns while moving, with penalties to accuracy. Don't enable the dual wield or search and destroy modules, they won't work.
EPOE Forked. Fills in the gaps of surgery content in the base game. I recommend disabling the additional workstations and enabling direct crafting only. Less micromanagement, more fun.

Balance

Beautiful Jade
Almostthere1.5. Caravans no longer go to sleep two hours away from their destination.
Stepping Stones. A more reasonable research path.
Dubs Break Mod makes it so that severe mental breaks require severe negative thoughts.
Fists Aren't Made of Steel. Reduces the unarmed melee damage, making prison breaks and tantrums much less frustrating.
No Burn Metal. Sets the flammability of metal buildings, and others, to zero.
Prisoners Fear Turrets
Realistic Rooms Rewritten. Allows to tweak how pawns perceive room sizes.
Ugh You Got Me. Social fights stop when pawns are sufficiently hurt or in pain. Doesn't affect masochists or psychopaths.
Better Pyromania. Way less frustrating.
Mortar Accuracy. Improves mortar mechanics.
Graze up. Grazing rebalanced.
Better Camp Loot
Snap Out! Wardens can try to calm down pawns on mental breaks. "Try" is the keyword here.
Peer Pressure. Opinions matter when converting someone.
Better Gene Inheritance
Vanilla Genes Rebalanced
Gene Trader. Getting xenogenes it's hard, this should easy the burden a bit.

Content

Sparkling Worlds. A bit of everything.
Vanilla Traits Expanded. More traits.
Vanilla Backstories Expanded. More backstories.
Vanilla Chemfuel Expanded. Rimefeller but with less bloat.
Vegetable Garden. More farmable plants.
Vanilla Persona Weapons Expanded + More Persona Traits. More persona weapon variety.
More Ideological Words + More Religious Origins. More ideology variety
Events
Buildings
- Blooming hedges
- Panels & Frames
- Simply More Bridges
- Thrones plus
- Tribal Crib
- Utility Columns
- Medieval deathrest coffin
- Metallic Batteries. You can ignore the error, it'll work anyway.
- Reinforced Walls
- ReSplice: Core
Gear

Atmospheric changes

Interaction Bubbles + SpeakUp. Better social interactions.
Enemy Self Preservation. Enemies severely hurt may try to flee.
No One Left Behind. Fleeing enemies try to rescue their downed allies.
Memorable Auroras. They now have a meaningful -if still small- impact.
Sand Castles. The snowmen of the beaches. Or the deserts.
Sandstorms
Graying Hair. So that hair goes gray gradually with age.
Childrens Drawings
ReGrowth. Overhaul of biomes and much more!
My Little Planet. If you're tired of supercontinents, but still want a smaller board, set planet coverage to 100%, and use the new planet size slider instead.
Geological Landforms. New map shapes.
Biome Transitions. More organic border biomes.
Death Acidifiest. Vanilla death acidifier is lame, this is much cooler.
Graphics
- Yayo's Animation
- Trait and Backstory Icons
- Vanilla Ideology Expanded - Icons and Symbols
- Vanilla Ideology Expanded - Relics and Artifacts
- Vanilla Races Expanded - Custom Icons
- Bionic icons
- Spectacular Skullspike. They're rotable now!
- Muzzle Flash
- More Mini-Horns
- Better Explosions
- Better Vanilla Masking
- Graphic Chair Overhaul 2
- Not Overhead Meal
- Graphics Settings+
- Show Hair With Hats or Hide All Hats. This one takes a while to set up to your preferences, but oh it's so worth it.
- Cuter Biotech Cat/Dog Ear Replacer. If you don't like the meat-colored animal ears from Biotech, this is for you!
- Blood Animations
- Gunplay. Trails can break some mods. If that happens, disable trails in options.
Retextures
- Parka Retexture
- Retextured Apparel
- Retextured Sculptures
- Vanilla Beards Retextured
- Vanilla Hair Retextured
- Vanilla Pawns Retextured
- Marbled Marble
- Essentials: Stone (the stat changes won't work)
- Vanilla Textures Expanded - Variations
- Vanilla Textures Expanded
- I Hate Daylilies
- Biotech Mechanoid Retexture
- Tastier Vanilla Clothes
- Van's Steel
- Glowing Healroot
- More Vanilla Textures
Audio
- Ambient Rim
- Realistic Human Sounds. Not very vanilla, but certainly very funny.
- Actually Vanilla Music Expansion
- P-Music
Hairs

Bonus: comics! And the occasional animation. I noticed newbies aren't aware of these, so I link the profiles of all the artists I could remember. Sorry if I missed anyone. u/daleksdeservevictory, u/AzulCrescent, u/AetherealVanguard, u/ATTF , u/Aelanna , srgrafo, u/Fonzawa, u/Ivancmedia, u/zyll3, u/meto30, u/AeolysScribbles, u/cavalier753, u/GABESTFY, u/VectorData, u/arxian, u/Nguyenanh2132, u/sorrowful_dance, u/meto30, u/-desdinova-, u/truffli

Hello everyone,
I am writing this because I am desperate. Today, I was permanently banned from Smite for threatening another player. I know how this looks: "You deserve it for being a toxic person." For context, I have never threatened someone in-game. The only times I have become toxic is when someone said something to me first. This guy was trash talking on my team, blaming me for losing, and I said, "I bet I could beat you up in real life," which I said as a joke. Obviously, it's a joke because the thought of someone getting angry at a game and saying they could beat you up is really funny and sad. That's just my humor. You may think it's dumb, but that's beside the point. That's the only case where I think I could have been deemed "threatening somebody."
The only other thing is when this duo lane said to report me for saying the N-word, which I never said, and the ban didn't include hate speech, so I don't think it would be that, but maybe it is; I don't know they could check the logs. I have played the game since 2013. In December 2022, I was banned for the first time, for reasons I believe were valid. The second time, I don't even know why I got banned but it was a month later in January 2023. I did not care at the time. Now, over a full year later, after my second ban, I got permanently banned. I feel that is very harsh, as that was so long ago when I got my second ban that it's completely irrational for me to be permanently banned from the game.
I have spent a lot of money over the last ten years, so I am upset not only about that but also about my god stats and everything. HiRez support is notoriously bad at answering emails or any form of contact, so I write this here as a plea for mercy. I am willing to never type to anyone in the chat ever again. Just please unban me. I love this game. I know no one in HiRez is going to see this. I did submit a ticket as well. And the Smite community will only see me as a terrible person, saying I deserve to be banned.
Do you think that bans are justified 100% of the time? I had a friend who was used a cheat engine GTA 5, and he had them on when he launched Smite and got permanently banned back in 2016. The man was playing since closed beta. He asked PonPon on stream if he could get unbanned, and he said, "Nope, our system is 100% accurate. You cheated and got caught, so it's your fault." I have multiple friends who play the game who flame our teammates all the time and never get banned.
In conclusion, to reiterate, I never threatened anybody. Sure, I've said negative things towards people when they said something to me first. I never used slurs. I could have muted them, which, in hindsight, would have been the right call; I'm not denying that. However, when someone talks smack to you in a game and they're being toxic, it's hard to resist telling them to shut up. Look at Dmbrandon, for example, how he would harass people in-game, saying that they're not human. If you told him to shut up or insulted him, you would be banned. It turns out there are thousands of players just like him and you cant talk back to them.
I know Smite 2 is around the corner, but I really hope that Hirez can fix their support and ban structure as it makes no sense.
TL;DR: I was permanently banned from Smite for no reason.

Good bit of US Type and hole fillers. Some better like seated dollars and draped halves. Some lower grade cheapies.
A lot of new stuff, so here’s a table of contents 😂😂😂
Post goes: - Gold

ASE SLABS (reverse proof)
US TYPE (draped/capped/seated)
Proof sets
Random lots (some paper currency)
Whitman Silver Ingot Book
Premium .999 silver, raw, slabbed, COA, all that variety

Chitty chit chat please
PROOF: https://imgur.com/a/v8pkLE5 Proof set proof: https://imgur.com/a/fDS5ZCH
GOLD https://imgur.com/a/J73widt - (2) 2012 1/20oz MS69 Panda - $150 each - 1988 PF69 1/10 AGE - $295 - 1g sunflower argor - $86
SLABBED ASE’S REVERSE PROOF, all are PF/PR69: https://imgur.com/a/ya9Iggz - 2006P RP 20th anniversary- $90 - 2011P RP John Mercanti Signed, 25th anniversary, slight milk/tone - $155 - 2012S RP 75th Anniversary - $65 - 2013 W RP - $65 - 2019 W Enhanced RP /Pride of 2 nations - $95
PROOF OR REGULAR STRIKE: https://imgur.com/a/ikPRfbc - 2002 MS69 - $37 - 2006 W PR69 PROOF, some toning spots - $48 - 2017 MS69 Gold Label - $38 - 2021 T-2 MS70 ANACS American Flag holder - $46
US TYPE BELOW
CENTS https://imgur.com/a/Slm4d5T - 1857 flying cent - $35 - 1858 flying cent - $35 - 1949 D MS66 RD Penny slab - $38 (greysheet is 50)
2 CENT PIECES all priced $5 below AG3 greysheet but are good bit above AG3 https://imgur.com/a/xnuFXQ6 - 1864 large motto - $13 - 1865 - $13 - 1866 - $16 SOLD - 1867 - $14 - 1870 - $18 - 1871 - $20
DIMES
CAPPED DIMES - all low grade other than slab https://imgur.com/a/1qLPxNd - link for slab: https://imgur.com/a/OeOna1n - CAC VF Details 1829 - $105 - 1823 - $55 - 1829 - $22 - 1830 - $22 - 1831 - $22 - 1836 - $22 - 1836 - $22
SEATED DIMES https://imgur.com/a/7a6enxD

1872 - $11
1876 - $11
1876 S (?) - $11
1886 - $10
1887 - $10
1887 - $12

QUARTERS
DRAPED https://imgur.com/a/S9GoTgc - 1806 draped quarter - $160
SEATED https://imgur.com/a/wcvAbwO - 1853 w/ Rays - 28 - 1853 O w/ Rays - 36 - 1861 - 18
HOLE FILLER BARBERS, all are Cull/AG/G https://imgur.com/a/h8LpGSp

1903 O - $9
(2) 1904 - $8
(3) 1905 - $9

STANDING LIBERTY https://imgur.com/a/w3ZRS1V - 1920 S - $22 - 1926 S - $12 - 1927 S - $40 - 1929 - $10
HALF DOLLARS
Draped Half https://imgur.com/a/pfMHvd1 - 1807 draped Bust Half - confident saying VG obverse and VF reverse - $450 - 1807 Draped Bust Half, obverse is good, decent relief on the stars, but reverse is much better, impressive detail - $330
Sesqui Silver Halves https://imgur.com/a/QMdEwyy - (4) available. 40 each if I pick, 45 if you pick
Capped Bust Half https://imgur.com/a/nEDzel0 - 1810 - $155 - 1817 - $190 - 1822 - $85 - 1832 LL - $70 - 1835 - $105 Seated Half https://imgur.com/a/4hZLRSu

1862 S - $70
1863 S - $70
1864 S (?) - $70
1876 CC - $75
1877 - $30

BARBER https://imgur.com/a/xt9dgf1 - 1912 VF IMO (visible liberty) - $85 (VF GS is over 100)
DOLLARS
SEATED DOLLAR https://imgur.com/a/vKRAvbI - 1842 Seated Dollar, strong details and beautiful toning - $690
BETTER DATE MORGAN DOLLAR. All priced AG3-G4 unless noted otherwise https://imgur.com/a/A6k6g44 - 1879 O - $30 - 1882 O - $32 - 1883 S - $30 - 1892 O - $30 - 1894 O - $38 (worse of the two) - 1894 O - $42 - 1896 O (cull) - $34 - (2) 1896 O (middle 2) - $36 each - 1896 O (F+) - $40 - 1896 S - $35 - 1896 S (darker patina one) - $45 - 1898 S (better) - $30
PEACE DOLLARS https://imgur.com/a/vjaIC0e - 2 lower condition cheap - both for $51
BUY ALL BELOW SETS FOR A FLAT RATE OF $5 each AND FREE SHIP https://imgur.com/a/fDS5ZCH
Proof Sets - all are $6 each. Some deals here. 1979 (2) 1983 (3) 1984 (2) 1989 (4) 1990 (2) 1991 (2) 1998 (8) 1999 (3) 2000 (5) 2001 (1) 2002
Quarter Proof Set (2) 1999 - $3. Each
Uncirculated Coun Set (P&D) - all are $4.50 each. (5) 1986 - $4.50 (10) 1998 - $4.50 (4) 1990 - $4.50
RANDOM LOTS: https://imgur.com/a/zzOxibI - 3 worn funny backs (1928, x2 1934) - 1860 & 1883 Farthings - $8 for both - 4 hard date walking liberty halves. Some dates are so worn I could barely see with a loupe. 1916, 1916 D, 1916 D, 1917 D Obv - $50 - 5 modern Canadian commem coins (2.50FV) - $8
SILVER BAR BOOK https://imgur.com/a/bpnS4QW - 14 x 1oz silver bars, most run $36+ on the sludge site. Solid condition. Comes in a Whitman Silver Ignot book. Binding is slightly off, but in great working shape. Seen this book sell $100+ on its own - comps are there - 14oz bars and book - $500
PREMIUM .999: https://imgur.com/a/jH53v04 - 5oz ATB Ozark Riverways Burnished in Capsule - $175 - 2018 Australian Emu - $34 - 2002 Perth Year of Horse - $48 - (2) 2016 Maples w/ 4 leaf clover privy, milky - $32 - 1oz Aztec Calendar, light milk - $30 - 1oz 2022 Niue Darth Vader - $32 - 1oz 2023 Samoa Batman - $32 - 1oz Envela Covid Round - $31 - Slum Metals 4.9oz Hand Pour with COA at 28.5/oz - $140 - (4) 2024 1/2oz Perth Dragons - $24 each

6g Canada Bottle Cap - $14

RANDOM NEAT STUFF https://imgur.com/a/U0KWu0j - 2018 WWI Centennial Silver dollar with OGP and COA - $40 - Pamp “Burton Morris” Lucky 7’s slot machine silver - $80 - 2024 Fiji 1oz the Vault, neat piece in original holder - $60
STAR TREK SILVER https://imgur.com/a/X7DrKwY - both come with original box, unique light up display case and COA - 2015 Capt Picard PR70 SLAB (glue has come off the box wrapper) - $95 - 2015 Spock RAW - $85
PREMIUM SLABBED COLORIZED SILVER https://imgur.com/a/q0ls7Ln - 2014 1/2oz 2014 Gilt Niue Stork Proof PF69 - $65 - 2017 1/2oz Tuvalu Harp Seal PR70 w/ box and COA - $68
Random Premium Silver; https://imgur.com/a/HawKebu - (2) TD Bank enameled Year of Dog w/ box. Light spot on one - $40 - Highland mint 1oz rounds. W/box and COA: - Drew Bledsoe - $40 - Marshall Faulk - $40 - Jeff Bagwell - $40 - Legacies of freedom set - 2oz total - 2002 Brittania and 2003 ASE - $65
Shipping;
$5 for GA
$9 for priority
$15 for MFRB
Responsibility leaves my hand once usps says “accepted”. Can assure proper packing before drop off, out of my hands after that.
Will ship promptly, most of the time it is next business day, but no later than 2 business days from funds received
Payment methods:
Zelle
Venmo
Cash app

Dogs have been cherished companions to humans for centuries, and in a country as diverse as India, the spectrum of canine breeds reflects the rich tapestry of its culture, geography, and history. From the majestic Himalayan mountains to the sun-kissed shores of the Indian Ocean, each region boasts its own unique breeds, each with its own distinct characteristics and roles in society.
One of the most iconic Indian dog breeds is the Indian Pariah Dog, also known as the Desi Dog or the Indian Native Dog. This ancient breed has adapted to various climates and terrains across the subcontinent, making it highly resilient and versatile. Known for their intelligence, loyalty, and agility, Pariah Dogs have been faithful companions and dependable watchdogs in rural and urban settings alike for generations.
Moving northward, we encounter the Himalayan regions, where the majestic Tibetan Mastiff reigns supreme. Renowned for its imposing stature and protective instincts, this formidable guardian dog has been bred by nomadic tribes for centuries to safeguard livestock from predators like snow leopards and wolves. With a thick, weather-resistant coat and a dignified demeanor, the Tibetan Mastiff embodies strength and resilience in the face of harsh mountainous terrain.
In the western state of Maharashtra, the elegant and graceful Rajapalayam holds sway. Originally bred by the Nayakar dynasty for hunting purposes, these sight hounds are known for their speed, agility, and keen senses. With their striking white coat and pinkish nose, Rajapalayams are not only prized for their hunting prowess but also revered as symbols of loyalty and nobility.
Venturing further south, we encounter the charming Mudhol Hound, also known as the Caravan Hound. Native to the Deccan Plateau, these sleek and muscular sighthounds are renowned for their speed and endurance, making them formidable competitors in traditional coursing events. With their keen sight and lightning-fast reflexes, Mudhol Hounds have earned a special place in the hearts of hunters and dog enthusiasts alike.
For more>> Dogs and breeds in india
Of course, no discussion of Indian dog breeds would be complete without mentioning the lively and affectionate Indian Spitz. Despite its name, the Indian Spitz is not a spitz breed in the traditional sense but rather a distinctive Indian variety descended from European spitz-type dogs. With its fluffy coat, foxy face, and cheerful disposition, the Indian Spitz has become a beloved family pet in households across the country.
While these breeds represent just a fraction of the diverse canine population in India, they serve as testament to the deep bond between humans and dogs that transcends boundaries of geography, culture, and time. Whether as loyal companions, steadfast guardians, or skilled hunters, dogs continue to enrich our lives and remind us of the enduring power of friendship and companionship.

This happened probably 8ish years ago. I was working at my 2nd job ever, both that and my 1st were restaurants. Worked both those jobs for 3-4 years. During my time at my 2nd job I decided to work part time at my old job for more money. I quickly regretted this as it was very draining and quit after a month. But I still left on good terms and it wasn't a big deal.
I decided to go to my old work for dinner by myself and see some friends. The manager saw me and asked if I wanted to sit in anyone's section, I said it doesn't matter who ever. She mentioned she had a new waitress and it would be good for her.
I still had stuff on the menu memorized and this place was a place that very much hired what would look like "outcasts and rebel" in Hollywood movies. Everyone is usually very friendly and chatty. The only drama that would happen was coworker relationship drama. All around good vibes when ever I worked there.
I would ask questions about the menu to see her knowledge, made sure to smile and be polite. Never corrected her or anything. I did verify with a friend who walked by on a couple of things because they were things I used to order and she said they couldn't make it them anymore. My friend did confirm she was mistaken. All around very nice bubbly waitress.
When I worked there, light hearted pranks weren't uncommon. Talked to the host stand (still knew them) and asked if she was the type who would come to the host stand to complain about someone stiffing them. They weren't sure, so I asked do you think she was the type that would take it personal? They said no and also agreed leaving the tip at the host stand would be one of those "that bastard, oh nevermind" type moments when she got the tip at the host stand. So my meal was like $20, and I left a $20 tip at the host stand.
Later the manager calls me asking what was so bad about the service. Since she knows I always tip well. I told her I left $20 at the host stand. Well the bubbly nice girl quit. The manager hinted people at the restaurant were bullying her and she didn't like the work environment.
I still think about that phone call and feel bad for this poor girl. I only ever go there now when other people want to. But man do I feel like a royal douche. Me mentioning the confirming the host stand part wasn't to pass the blame off, but just to show I did understand some people take it personal. I just didn't think she would because of how happy and bubbly she seemed so figured she would be the later. Which is 100% my fault.
TL;DR - Went to my old work, thought not leaving a tip at the table but leaving it at the host stand for her would be a funny moment. But she quit her job.
Thought about it a right before typing this and it is very much a I messed up moment.

Sorry it's so late this week. I'm an ex Seoul Dynasty player as well and I was a bit too busy so I kind of just listened to all for it and then got way too busy for a few days with work. Here's the loose translations for episode 5 of Overwatch University. Rush had to leave very early on due to Internet issues and Moon who was watching at the time volunteered to help as a lot of the talk was in regards to the Seoul vs Shanghai Rivalry anyways so having both POVs was insightful
Topic 1 Intros and Seoul Dynasty Season 1
Aid: Have you seen Overwatch University given you have been invited by NineK
Tobi: Not really. I've skimmed around and seen pieces of the Crusty interview and Moon interview.
Aid: We're going to go over Tobis lengthy career as we were both pros
NineK: Isn't it kind of disrespectful to Tobi for you to group him up with you?
Aid: I had a lot of talent I just got cursed with a shit Coach like you NineK right Tobi?
Tobi: True
Aid: See two instances of your failures
NineK: What does that make the people who won under me? You two must've been the problem.
Aid: (pulled up Seoul Dynasty s1 roster and Tobi just explains who all of them were) Honestly you guys didn't do amazing right?
Tobi: No we were bad we went 7-3, 7-3, 5-5, and then 3-7. Just mid
NineK: Did you feel in preseason scrims you were in trouble?
Tobi: No I didn't we did very well even in the preseason games we won everything.
Rush: There any problems we didn't know about you can tell us?
Tobi: I can tell all the potential members we could've had though. Carpe, Fury, Gesture, Jjonak
NineK: Wow you started and ended with Seoul now that I think about it.
Aid: So we heard lots of rumors about Seoul but I heard you had unique member rotations where only allowing certain players for certain stages?
Tobi: If I'm clarifying a bit the split rosters was more of a season 2 decision with an A team and B team where eventually the roster mixed together. Biggest issue was the coaches couldn't agree. So sometimes they would just take turns like coach A gets to decide today then coach B gets to decide what to do and then coach c.
NineK: I heard you basically did that with a new coach per stage.
Rush: Who was your head coach?
Tobi: 4 coaches + extras
Aid: How did you decide who played what?
Tobi: Honestly the meta was so hard locked at the time the biggest issue was the coaches disagreed how we should play and it was very confusing how we should do it. We basically went back and forth with a coach of the day deciding what we did.
NineK: Too many games too. That's how Shanghai went 0-40 cause there was way too much. Not to mention no one wanted to scrim them cause it's not like you wanted to be their first victory either.
Tobi: We scrimmed them a bit
NineK: Wow you're nice people.
Tobi: They've invited us over at times and made food for us too.
Rush: Yeah there's pictures of it.
NineK: Cause of the Korean members?
Tobi: No this was way before that
NineK: Wow so kind. Isn't it cause your results weren't good either?
Tobi: Uhhh... Where were you in season 1?
NineK: I came in late. Stage 3. Season 1 was fun though
Aid: Honestly getting dragged back and forth by your coaches must be stressful. As a player there has got to be times when you do something one way and think to yourself why the heck does he want me to do it this way instead
NineK: Also they'd probably never had that many members to work with either since they just added players to Lunatic Hai
Tobi: True. We had 11 starting members and then acquired Gambler when I was having wrist issues. Then we lost another member and went back to 11. I truly believe having 12 members was so pointless
NineK: I agree like it's good if you can make it work but if you don't it just makes people feel awful. I don't know why people insisted so much on large rosters.
Tobi: Lots of people lots of possibilities I guess?
Rush: Also this is when OWL wanted to copy traditional sports so they got a bunch of players on their rosters
Tobi: They did invest more in OWL back then
NineK: They were really the team designed to win everything weren't they?
Rush: I remember an article saying they had an 80% chance of winning
NineK: People don't get how hard this time was cause of the random Mercy meta. Honestly probably wouldn't have been this bad for Seoul if patches came out like they do now
Tobi: Meta was unfavorable sure but we just played poorly to be honest
NineK: Wow so honest very cool
Topic 2: Ryujekong
Aid: Everyone was so confused by Ryujehong on Tank I want to hear what happened
Tobi: Honestly it's been so long I don't remember this time very well. I also wasn't even scrimming or playing at the time because of my wrist. I was basically just going to the doctor. We had kuki who for reasons was having troubles so he stopped playing and then Miro was having a lot of struggles at the time as well with how the meta was playing. It's mostly because of the comms cause obviously Miro had better mechanics Jehong sucks at primaling too but he would take space well and call out commands for the team to help
Aid: How did your scrims go?
Tobi: I don't remember
NineK: He can't help but not remember there were only scrims allowed at the practice facilities at the time and kids that were ill like him straight up just didn't even go. There were set times
Aid: So this isn't Jehongs main position and he was forced to tank must have been hard.
NineK & Rush: Must be
Tobi: It absolutely was. Imagine how sorry he felt to Miro. He was a support replacing Miro. If he fails not only does he get ridiculed for it but people slander Miro for being replaced by a tank of this caliber he felt very burdened feeling sorry that Miro might get insulted more than he did
NineK: I remember at the time a lot of people said Jehong had a bad Zenyatta as well but I thought it was good
Aid: Yeah I don't really see how he was particularly bad
NineK: Honestly the way things were he was probably just getting compared to Jjonak who was a beast at the time. The flame for Jehong was insane at the time
Aid: I remember his team would just hyper pocket Jjonak and have him just frag. NYXL were so defensive and good at pocketing.
NineK: In another way of seeing things that playstyle not being meta anymore might be why NYXL couldn't hack it in finals.
(Watching VOD of Seoul vs London)
NineK: Damn Munchkin fucking sucked at Tracer
Rush: Wait why is Fleta playing Widow?
Tobi: He was really good at Widow
NineK: He was
Rush: Then what is Munchkin good at
NineK: Just Cassidy Soldier. But Widow was so broken back then
Aid: Monkey could never catch her cause of her grapple cooldown
NineK: Nearly all the monkeys sucked at primal dribbling too. If a Mercy pocketed her she never died either. Who was good then again? Carpe...
Tobi: Linkzr Surefour Pine
Aid: Wow such names from my memories
NineK: Gesture Fury were way too good at Monkey D.va. Honestly there's so much shit about London I wanna expose
Aid: Bring Profit
NineK: I'll get Rascal easily. Wow Bdosin looks so young here what the he'll.
Topic 3: End of Season 2 VOD of Jehong Tobi Crying Post Elimination to Spark
Aid: I didn't know this happened at the time but NineK mentioned this happened can you explain?
Tobi: At the time role lock got forced and doomfist hanzo reaper were good. At the time we were kind of really good in scrims but lost to a team in tournament we never lost too in scrims. Jehong was already out there crying and I didn't want to come out and Danny kept forcing me to come out even though I said I didn't want too. But I was afraid the broadcast would get delayed or ruined cause of me so I was forced to.
Ninek: At the time we were preparing for our game up right after them but our GM was so fuxking angry at the time like how could you force them to do this right after they lost he complained a lot to Blizzard. Cause just imagine, thank God you brought out two veterans and media trained players. Imagine if you brought out complete noobies if it was this hard for these 2 veterans imagine what they might let slip on a broadcast when emotions are this high. This is also right after their season ended and they were officially eliminated.
Rush: From Blizzards POV these 2 were icons of the game and they probably felt like they could really show the importance and feelings toward this game to the audience watching
NineK: But like RIGHT after they lost is insane to me. Like let them process instead of fucking ambushing them as they're coming down from the stage.
Rush: But it's important cause this is when they're at the peak of the emotions being felt so I get it.
NineK: There's actually so many players who went down that stage to the hallways down crying
Aid: Of course they work hard and it didn't work.
Tobi: When we scrimmed we only lost to 1 team ever. Shock. We beat Vancouver NYXL Spark everyone else.
NineK: Wow so strong
Tobi: But in the end we just lost to Spark
NineK: I can say this now but we scrimmed Hangzhou a lot at this time. They didn't have a coach we were their coaches. Literally they would scrim us and copy us the next day in games. Since GOATs they basically decided they couldn't beat us so they copied our opening strats positioning skill usage everything. That's why they did decent
Aid: So Seoul lost cause of you
Tobi: We regretted a lot because of some of our microplays. There was a thing when double shield was first happening where Moria sprays her heals on the tanks right? The enemy Sigmas could shoot their shield out behind the Orisa to block the heals. And we thought this was possible but went and said it wasn't going to be a difference maker and ignored it
NineK: Wait we were doing that since day 1 lol
Tobi: We lost to Spark because of that. We felt awful cause this is something we thought could happen but ignored. At the time Marvel was our Sigma and Michelle who was a traditional offtank was forced on Orisa. We had Fissure who was good at Orisa who retired so we had no Orisas.
Aid: Timings always been off for Seoul I guess
NineK: No wonder you felt so many emotions. I was so sad seeing this. Seoul was honestly so good in season 2 but always somehow was just one step short. It hurt my heart to see them.
Aid: Players don't like to cry like that so they have to have been feeling so much to cry like this
Topic 4: Seoul vs Shanghai
Aid: We had Moon and he said some stuff on this we were all in the West and we would just see the results but this May Melee where you were up 3-0 and got reverse swept... your stories about this?
Tobi: We didn't get ahead of ourselves Shanghai was always good at Gibraltr and we thought we would lose this map but win the rest for a 4-1. I'm not sure how we lost Busan though
Tobi: We won a lot with our double shield
Rush: Fearless wasn't supposed to play
Aid: Fearless told me at the time he didn't get to scrim even once and then came in and won everything
NineK: Wow
Aid: Yeah no scrims at all
NineK: Wait Tobi why us Bdosin on Brig and you on Baptiste?
Tobi: I played the Baptiste for Seoul at the time cause Bdosin fucking sucked at Bap. This mother fucker could never use his abilities properly. He must've gotten sick in the head watching Viol2t play or something cause whenever he had cooldowns he would be on some high ground alone shooting and scream "Aghhh" and die off on his own
NineK: I remember now it wasn't super locked who played what because no one had Briggitte experience at the time
Tobi: Also if this happened there would be cases where in double shield mirror your Brig had to swap to Zenyatta but at the time Gesture had too many complaints about coordinating his pulls with Bdosin
NineK: I have no idea how Seoul lost this right now
Tobi: There's no absolutes in Overwatch. But the only thing I remember is our loss in Junkertown
Aid: For Kings Row I remember the Felta carry with Widow this was probably in all of those OWL top 5 highlights. I still can't believe how far Shnghai got in Junkertown though
NineK: Wow even Fearless is playing Orisa here
Tobi: That's why we thought we would win here. It's such a double tank focused map. Fits was randomly flanked high on the left and I td him to get down but he died on our A defense.
NineK: Wow you guys got out ult cycled like crazy
Rush: The Torbjorn choice here leaves a lot to be desired
NineK: I agree
Aid: So then there is that little celebration Shanghai did how did you feel
Tobi: Can I curse?
NineK: Seoul is just so ugh... like back in season 2 they beat New York during GOATs who was supposed to be top 2 but Seould couldn't take those next steps to greatness here as well. There are those super important games that once you win you just go on a roll and Seoul never got to do it
Tobi: I really hated losing to Shanghai cause I could've been on the team.
NineK: Really?
Tobi: Yeah I received offers from them on 3 separate occasions but ended up choosing Seoul. I wanted to believe I made the right choice so I wanted to win
Topic 5: Tobi Happy. Season 3
Aid: There's this gif of you happy after a win
NineK: It's so funny you took your glasses off before cheering
Tobi: At the time we lost to Shanghai so often but then finally beat them
NineK: The thing is Seoul was lucky cause they actually shouldn't have been in the season 3 finals originally.
Rush: Washington was the biggest offender
NineK: Off memory it felt like a "everyone suffered because of COVID so everyone gets a chance" thing
Tobi: But the thing to note is we did well in the West before we were forced to go to Korea and beat Glads and Valiant. We won like all of our scrims at the time.
NineK: Fine I'll give you that
Rush: Seoul was honestly really good during the online era
Aid: What did you think of the Hog meta?
Tobi: I was a huge doubter. Like at the time it was Zarya Hog or Sigma Hog. It just had none of the fundamentals of Overwatch I was used to seeing. I just couldn't believe it.
NineK: Tobis a purist "where do you come from thinking Hog could ever be a main tank"
Tobi: His ability to take space was unreal at the time. But Gesture was really into it and Wizardhyeong pushed for it
Aid: Gesture was a really good Hog though
NineK: All the guys there had good Hogs. Gesture Super Smurf Fearless were all good at it
Rush: But Shanghai didn't play it
NineK: I don't know Shanghais reasoning but I know Shock played how they did cause Viol2t fucking sucked at Ana lol. The thing is he did win with it but his scrim results as Ana was terrible
Rush: Viol2t Ana is known in the community as weaker though
NineK: But he doesn't think so
Tobi: I heard it got to the point where Crusty said he would do better if he played than Viol2t
NineK: That's why Architect played it for a bit. They had Twilight but I have no idea why they didn't use him more. I don't know how much I should say when there's no Shock rep from the time here but as far as I Know Super wasn't supposed to play. Smurf was but he didn't fit with his playstyle and the team well enough at the time
Tobi: If I have to point out regrets in the Shock game it was not using Zenyatta on Busan
NineK: But shouldn't you playing something other than the Ashe?
Tobi: No this was when Ashe was super broken and Profit was really good at her
Aid: The more I see it the more I really feel regrets about Seouls performances
NineK: That's what I've been saying Seoul was almost never bad and had huge upside a lot for different points in time. Honestly they're Asia's Philly Fusion
Tobi: You know how it is NineK if one thing changed with your Hotba strategy or Rascal not waking the monkey
NineK: I had a team with Tobi and Carpe and caught the 2nd place curse
Tobi: Woah why are you blaming me I've won plenty.
NineK: I did too before meeting you guys
Tobi: Then it's Carpes fault
NineK: I guess it is lol
Aid: At this point we need to have Carpe on to defend himself
NineK: We're going to go watch his games this Saturday
Tobi: The Hollwood bug pissed me off too
(Vod review where Tobi popped Valkyrie in spawn and the D.va bomb from Choi killed Tobi in the respawn room) this and Viol2t living at 1 health
Aid: Wow you guys are just destined to not win that day
Tobi: It was everything against us honestly
NineK: Honestly in the regular Hog comps Seoul and Dhock were about even but Seoul couldn't beat Shocks Hog and Ball Comp
Tobi: I actually wanted to go Numbani here instead of Hollywood
NineK: I remember at this time Choihyobin was getting gapped by Hanbin a bit and all of us joked his time was over and Hanbin would replace him as the new offtank goat
NineK: I remember at this time Shock felt Bdosin was scarier. They took more maps with him. Even though they defended better with Creative
Tobi: I think at the time he wasn't getting too much scrim time so he just said to let Creative play
Topic 6 Coach Tobi
Aid: You came back after being a player for Fusion to being Head Coach of Seoul Dynasty how was that for you?
Tobi: I kind of just stopped feeling the desire to compete like "I definitely can still compete mechanically but guess it might just not work out from here"
Tobi: Was worried that newer players he hadn't yet played with wouldn't follow his leadership well
Aid: So who was the player who least listened to you
Tobi: Everyone below me followed very well
Aid: So did you work well with the other coaches given it was mentioned there were previously conflicting visions?
Tobi: Oh these people were later coaches and we had very good talks together and worked well together
NineK: Since we wanna wait for our other guest when we talk about the next topic let's move on and talk about our time together in Fusion
Tobi: There were a lot of regrets weren't there?
NineK: The biggest problem for me was I didn't know we would be playing in Korea when I made the roster and heard it from someone from another team.
NineK: I felt sorry to Carpe for that. He's like Seoul where certain key moments not working out it feels like de-railed everything for him.
Aid: What did you think when you joined and first got to know NineK?
Tobi: When I joined I did so because I heard so much good stuff about him. Like he just knows a lot about Overwatch so I was curious about him and learned a lot. There's Crusty NineK Moon and Rush that are the coaches that are very well talked about that I was curious about. I got to meet NineK and Wow I'd never believed someone could get so angry over this game he would slam on the desk yelling while coaching. But the thing was while doing that he would always be right about what he's saying
Topic 7: Moon Joins
(Moon joins the podcast because Rush was lagging out)
NineK: So is it true you sent offers to Tobi
Moon: I guess I should say hi first. My name is Coach Moon who tried to get Tobi every year but failed.
NineK: I tried that with Fury
Aid: Is one of the reasons you wanted to beat Seoul no matter what because you didn't get to recruit Tobi?
Moon: No actually around that time I got in a lot of trouble with my wife. She said I talked to Tobi more than her. This was before we signed LeeJaeGon
Tobi: In 2020 season Shanghai actually had a lot of players I wanted to play with. Fleta Lip and such. As well as just giving a better offer out right.
NineK: Void too.
Tobi: Yeah always keeps contact with him too. But I really wanted to run it back with Ryujehong one last time because of the regrets of our last 2 seasons together to redeem ourselves. But he ended up choosing Vancouver and as I ended up wanting to go to Shanghai instead, they ended up already getting LeeJaeGon instead
Aid: Man the timing has just never worked out for Tobi
NineK: When he was on Fusion with me he used to always joke "damn if I was on Shanghai at least I could've been winning while benched"
Moon: So at the time LeeJaeGon and Tobi were my first choices but LJG told me he didn't want to join because he wanted to go to Mayhem with other Runaway members and then Tobi was looking at Seoul so I almost ended up with no one. But eventually LeeJaeGon chose us and tobi reached out the day after that.
NineK: So you regret not getting Tobi?
Moon: I mean you can't argue this given our results...
Tobi: They did so well
NineK: Tobi would've made the team fun for you though. That season was really bad for us but we had a lot of fun
Topic 8: Seoul vs Shanghai KickOff Clash
Aid: It looked like Seoul was happier beating Shanghai in winners finals than beating Philly in finals
Moon: The thing was the situation was so terrible for us at this time. We were quarantined with nothing.
Tobi: This team was the one we wanted to beat more than anyone else. It's why Profit was crying at the end of it all.
Moon: I will say their strats against us were very good they deserved the win regardless of what circumstances we had
Tobi: This gave me PTSD cause there was a moment when we were reverse swept in May Melee where Bdosin got pulsed with Rally. I told Vindsim no matter what to hold your shield up when he has it and in this one moment in the VOD he got stuck by fleta but thankfully Profit clutched
NineK: I will say when we got to the Hawaii LAN Shock picked you guys at Shanghai and I'll just say I didn't want to pick you.
Aid: Ahh it was the eternal rivals (implying Crusty chose Shanghai for revenge)
Moon: This time was really tough for us and we had a bunch of retirements after this. I think we thought more about what we would get to eat the next day or when we would be able to go to a Koreatown for the food we missed
NineK: It was so long
Moon: Honestly it was the hardest times for us.
NineK: It was really tough for us as well lockdown was so long.
Moon: I honestly don't want to hear lockdown complaints from anyone around me. If we were offline and I told you our horror stories everyone here would cry.
NineK: I mean everyone suffered but this sounds like military stories lol. Like everyone thinks they had it the hardest. Anyways Tobi tell us how you did things that led to that win.
Tobi: So you know there are things a lot of us say behind the scenes about coaches right? Like this guy is more of just a caretaker or this guy is more just strategies but I really wanted to be the coach who wouldn't have players feel bad I was their Coach. It's why I asked for a lot of help from previous coaches I worked under. I wanted all of my least favorite aspects of coaches I've seen in the past to not be things my players go through I let them all speak casually to me so they wouldn't be uncomfortable with me
NineK: Moon has the opposite take. He said his players can never act chummy with him and will always refer to him as coach
Tobi: My feelings were that I had previously worked with a lot of these players in the past so it feels okay
(VOD shows Seoul winning Kick off Clash 4-0 over Philly Fusion
NineK: Oh Carpes expression came out (literally half covered in shadows)
Aid: I didn't want to become a useless coach. Every explayer wants to be the opposite of the coaches they hated
Tobi: When I first won I was so happy to finally get a star under the Seoul Dynasty banner for Gen G.
NineK: I thought at the time though "all that for a stage win?"
Aid: We were like Wow they really are happy for a stage win
Moon: Well it was their first win of course they're happy and they beat us to do it
NineK: As coaches we can tell whether they just got lucky or actually were prepared. Poor Carpe though
Topic 9: Q & A
Aid: If you became a coach again and had to form a team which players would you want?
Moon: Wait but isn't the answer for those year very obvious?
Tobi: Yeah just erase Moons name and put me in
NineK: Then mix and match a bit
Tobi: Smurf Stalk3r Lip Chorong seems very good and then Shu
NineK: That's basically Crazy Raccoons. I'll just say this is cause he doesn't watch it
Tobi: I watched all the big games actuall
Moon: If he was really keeping up with the scene wouldn't he have picked Donghak?
Aid: If Gen G or T1 asked you to coach or team up with Ryujehong again for OWCS?
Tobi: I already got an offer to play with them and said no
Aid: Oh really why?
Tobi: Cause I knew what would happen lol. The kids nowadays level of play is so high
NineK: Just for fun I guess
Tobi: Well yeah if I streamed it and stuff sure but the team even with me or without wouldn't have done well
Moon: Honestly the player gap between the experienced old guard and the new is high right now but you'd hope it would get closer by next year
NineK: More than player gaps I'd rather be worried about the coaching level. It's really just Moon Crusty Rush again. Tobi isn't coaching anymore either... so tobi this is to say coach again please.
Tobi: I did get an offer but the timing didn't work out.
Aid: Always the timing
Tobi: Before Falcons formed I think it could've worked but Smurf was gone and all the teams were formed and then I got the call and was a decent offer. But the timing was bad.
Moon: Where the players weren't available anymore. But just swipe them from their teams
Tobi: But I didn't wanna steal players with offers of contracts
Moon: Why not?
NineK: The difference between a dirty person and clean person
Moon: But the thing is they don't have contracts
NineK: Yeah wait they definitely would want money
Moon: That's my point he could've offered stability to more players in the scene
NineK: Then you are at fault Tobi
Tobi: There was a condition though. The org really wanted to win and asked if I could form a team to win.
Moon: Oh that would be hard (smiling in Crazy Raccoons)
NineK & Aid: (dies of laughter at the humble brag)
Moon: I did work really hard to swipe the good players.
NineK: Was it a foreign org?
Tobi: Yeah it was
Moon: I wish more teams came into the space
NineK: If tobi even at least coached Genesis they would've been better
Tobi: I did get that offer but said no
NineK: Didn't want to work for bottom feeder teams?
Tobi: Well I wasn't close with any of the players either
NineK: You shouldve just gone to orga offering up super teams and swiped like Moon did.
Moon: I just had a skeleton crew formed and did mine
NineK: Whatever it was it's just kind of sad Tobi isn't coaching actively right now is all
NineK: I like this question. If Coach Tobi could speak to player Tobi of the past what would you say to them?
Tobi: Probably to be sure of yourself and confident in your play and your decision. I used to basically fly to whoever screamed for help no matter who was in a bad position trying to help. I definitely learned afterwards and worked really hard to improve my Mercy
NineK: I remember at that time Yobi worked really hard to improve his Mercy and it was really good I agree. It's sad to hear given how things went for Seoul but it is a cool answer
Aid: ProFits from friend POV to players POV
Tobi: Profit whether as a friend or player was a great and reliable friend. Fits was the hassle
Aid: How so?
Tobi: Never listening always whining just a big baby. Cute little brother while Profit was a reliable friend
(Just chatting while looking for interesting questions)
Moon: I'm saying this now but Shanghai starting at 0-40 we worked so hard to hit that 40-40 and it took so long. We won so much and still took a while
NineK: A fun thing to ask whenever we have an ex-player is have they ever felt like watching a scrim they would do better?
Tobi: I have scrimmed actually. Vindaim was ill and in the hospital so I played. We won.
Ninek: You say yes to this question if you win the scrims if you lost you would say it didn't happen
Tobi: True
Tobi: Here's one about Seoul I like. Why did you when you had LeeSooMin and Krillin make Krillin a main support? The answer is Krillin said during Washington he got to try a bunch of heroes and LeeSooMin was pretty decent at Kirik at the time. I had worked one year with Vindaim and it was good for us so I hoped for the same to happen. The initial meta was good for us too until we hit the Sombra meta
NineK: I think the only ones happy to hit the Sombra meta was Atlanta
Moon: (struggling to find a good question when smurf comments in chat) Yo Smurf don't you need to go practice right now?
Moon: Sorry that was a joke
NineK: Oh I like that one
Tobi: So there's a question about our 2023 roster and I wanted to talk about it. Right after 2022 going into 2023 was to keep Smurf Profit then get Lip who was receiving some offers at the time keep Vindaim and get Twilight. This would've been my personal choice if I had the money to form my team but everyone ran out of money. I even had back ups for everyone but like Bernar planned but everything fell through
Moon: Do you regret picking up Void?
Tobi: No I don't
NineK: What about losing to former players of yours and stuff?
Moon: Want me to call Void and ask him what it felt like losing to the Fleta Tank?
NineK: Oh my god that sounds so good
Tobi: I think he's working right now
Moon: Oh that's right he would be working right now
NineK: Man I'm so curious. I hate losing to my former players
NineK: Wanted to know if back in OW1 you had a team fully built around you who would it be and would you win?
Tobi: Honestly looking at my history I'm kind of bad at forming teams lol. Honestly I could've been on NYXL in season 1 as well.
NineK: Wow.
Moon: I can say one thing. I've literally walked to his house before. He thought a lot about it. Like I didn't think it should be this hard a decision when I was so convincing.
Tobi: I just really wanted to run it back with Jehong one last time and Fearless wasn't in the planned roster at the time either.
Moon: True it was very early on in the team formation
Tobi: Yeah it's regrettable isn't it?
NineK: Tobi does make bad choices that's why he joined Fusion under me
Tobi: Timing worked for that time period though
NineK: Alright back to the question make your super team only caveat is you can't change them and have to run them seasons 1 through 6
Tobi: To be happily teamed with them Carpe Profit Gesture Fury...
NineK: Wait a second Ryujehong isn't being brought up
Tobi: We are excluding him from this but honestly there's way too many good flex supports so I don't know. Shu was really good but Viol2t is also nah just Shu.
NineK: Shu is fun and good.
Tobi: He's good at like everything. Even since season 2 when I'd play Mercy he would shoot me so much more than everyone else as Ana
NineK: When you went game 5 against MightyAOD any players that stood out to you?
Tobi: Did we go game 5 against MightyAOD? I genuinely can't remember the Lunatic Hai games that well outside of just like finals games anymore. I'm sorry but it's been years.
Moon: Ooh how did you feel about Prophet being on your team and then once he was dropped and went to 02Blast losing to him?
Tobi: He was good but the thing is whatever we put him on just didn't fit with how the team played and the Sombra meta was at its peak as well. We were tired and he was tired cause it just wasn't the best fit for either of us. I wanted him to keep doing well so I could be confident it was just a mismatch and that my scouting ability was still good. But then the meta swapped to like Widow Hanzo.
Moon: Oh wait so once again it's a choice Tobi made he regrets...
Tobi: Well no technically in the last game versus them we did win to be fair. Honestly though when he did win damn I felt low key a little bit upset/betrayed
NineK: Did you see him do the X on the Dynasty symbol spray?
Tobi: I didn't mind that all the players do that
NineK: Hears something funny for Moon to answer. " I heard Lip purposefully made sure not to wear the Fusion skins for Asia Finals is it true"
Moon: I specifically checked his PC to make sure he wasn't wearing it "Are you wearing a Fusion skin or not? Yes or no."
NineK: Wow you check their PCs?
Moon: Yeah I made sure none of them wore Fusion skins for Asia Finals
Tobi: Carpe might need to come on here at this point
Moon: I don't believe in jinxes like this but my players do so I did it just so they don't have to think for a second there is some Fusion curse that will make them lose
Tobi: Like you don't want unnecessary factors creeping into their minds
Moon: Exactly
NineK: Did you have any of those jinxes or lucky charms as a player?
Tobi: During Lunatic Hai I would on game days only eat noodle dishes and then we would win. I'd wear the same pair of socks for all the big games as well. But then I went to the League and kept losing and none of that stuff applied anymore
Moon: Yeah I don't believe in it as a supernatural force but whatever makes people more confident the better
(Randomly scrolling for questions)
Moon: I really did wanna try coaching Dynasty once.
Tobi: Why?
Moon: You know as a Korean it was kind of sad seeing the Korean team under perform I wanted to go there after my contract with Shanghai ended and try to get them a big win
Tobi: I see
Moon: Now that I'm thinking about it I never got an offer from Seoul ever
NineK: Really? I think I got an offer from Seoul basically every year since 2019
Moon: Oh one thing I really wanted to ask was how you beat the Infernal (Dynasty vs Infernal early 2023 when Infernal scrimbux was way better than everyone else)
Tobi: Oh that? They just played poorly.
Moon: I was so curious cause they were supposed to be so good
Tobi: Yeah they must have been nervous or something we didn't win cause we were better they were just worse that day.
NineK: When Tobi first joined Fusion he actually beat Dynasty and was so happy about it. He was such a good player to have he was on the bench for quite a while initially but kept his mental up and was a very good teammate for us.
Final Words
Tobi: I'm not actually retired from coaching. I still keep up with the League and love the game. I hope Overwatch keeps growing and I want everyone to know I'm not gone just yet. If there's a chance I'm ready whenever
NineK: Honestly I will say a lot of Overwatch kids have this issue not just Tobi where they hope opportunity will fall on their laps.
Tobi: I'll agree. It was my first time doing this stuff and I had no idea what the scene was going to be like.
Moon: I was very proactive and quick about it for sure
NineK: Do you have any team you'd like to join? Quickly before we end the podcast appeal to Moon for a job
Tobi: Well if you just give me the call I'm ready
Moon: Well one thing I will note when Tobi was talking about coaches he asked for advice on being a coach he didn't contact me at all? Even though we talked for hours?
Tobi: I only contacted the people I actually worked under. I didn't want to bother everyone with my questions. It's not like I could expect other coaches that don't know me as well would divulge their secrets
Moon: I would've. I think it would have been very cool if you asked for my help
Tobi: Well to be fair before you joined I did say Crusty NineK Moon and Rush were the coaches I really wanted to try working with
NineK: It's not too late Tobi he's here now
Aid: Anyways final thoughts from you Tobi?
Tobi: It's been a while since I got to see fans of Overwatch and sit down with fellow coaches. I hope you all keep supporting Overwatch University and myself in the future.
NineK and Aid: Thank you to Moon as well for helping us last minute.
Moon: It's no problem I saw Tobis face and wanted to join right away.

Me (20) and my now ex-girlfriend (29) were together for a year (I was 19 and she was 28 when we met). We met due to studying the same course at university and we instantly hit it off. The start of our relationship was very intense. It felt perfect. We had an amazing connection, things seemed to flow so naturally, and things therefore moved very quickly. I even visited her home country and met her family after only a month of being together. We spent so much time together and we seemed perfect for each other. As a result, we both became very quickly attached to one another. Despite how perfect things were in the beginning, there were occasional glimpses of our own issues making their way into the relationship. For example, I started noticing small, sudden shifts in her moods and behaviour towards me. She was always so talkative, bubbly, and enthusiastic towards me, but there were a few instances during which she suddenly became more distant and silent, and her behaviour felt different than usual. This confused me, especially considering I didn’t know what the reason was. It left me guessing if there was perhaps a problem between us or if it was just a natural shift in her mood. Sometimes, it was due to her having a problem with me and other times it was just a natural fluctuation in her mood. However, I would always have to guess which one it was and as a result I started to become very aware of her moods and I felt like I had to start paying a lot of attention to the relationship to not accidentally upset or disappoint her in any way. When things were good between us, I rarely felt insecure, but when I suddenly started noticing shifts in her mood or behaviour towards me, I started to feel anxious and insecure.
To further elaborate, at times in the relationship, I found it difficult to read, predict, and understand her moods and her behaviour towards me: her behaviour felt inconsistent to me at times. One day she was super loving, talkative, and interested in me, and the next day it felt different. However, I didn't know if my feelings were justified or if I was simply overthinking and overanalysing her behaviour. Since she didn't tell me what was the matter even when I asked her, I was left confused and still guessing why there were these shifts in her mood.
She did tell me that she found it scary to trust others and, therefore, to be fully open with me. She told me that was why she would push me away sometimes, meaning that my feelings were not completely unjustified. She admitted herself that she could be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. She was also older than me and more the independent type, and didn't always need a lot of attention, which is also an explanation for her change in behaviour. However, I didn't know that at the beginning of the relationship.
There were times where it felt like I had to follow an exact script on how to act or what to say to not upset her. She would become upset at times, because she didn’t think I appreciated her or because I didn’t give her the reaction she had in her mind. When I didn't live up to these unspoken expectations, she became more distant and silent (or even slightly pasisve aggressive), like I mentioned before. She wanted me to naturally know what she wanted, since in her mind it was obvious and she didn’t feel like she was a hard person to to read, but it wasn't obvious to me. This didn’t happen too often, but it still had an effect on me.
To give an example of how she could deal with these unspoken expectations, there was an instance when we did grocery shopping together. I paid for it at the time, but she told me to send her a payment request for half of it and when I did so a few days later, I immediately noticed a slight change in her energy towards me. When I questioned her about this, she told me that there was nothing wrong, but when I came round her place later that day. she was extremely cold and unaffectionate towards me. Her reaction was like I had cheated on her. I wasn't allowed to sit or be close to her, she was visibly upset, she wouldn't talk to me, and I had to sleep on the opposite side of the bed. I even mentioned if me sending her a payment request was an issue, but she told me that it was fine since she had told me that I could send her one. The next day she was hot and cold towards me, going from acting normally towards me to cold and distant again. Only after I became very upset and questioned her about it again did she tell me that the reason she was acting that way was because she wanted me to offer to pay for the groceries. She had paid for the groceries last time, so she wanted me to pay for them this time (I would have had no problem at all with paying, but since she told me to send her a payment request, I did). She told me that she became upset when I hadn't offered to do so naturally, which caused her to feel like I didn't appreciate or care about her enough. This was the most extreme example from our relationship, though. However, this situation caused me to lose some trust in her and her words.
Her behaviour wasn't intentional. It seemed to be due to a mix of her character and the things she had gone through in her past. It seemed like it was more of a coping/protective mechanism for her. She was aware of this, but her awareness wasn't always enough for her to cope in a different way.
In the cases where I felt like there was a shift in her behaviour, mood, or energy, it left me guessing if there was anything wrong. I had learned to associate a change in her mood as there potentially being something wrong. I was just afraid of there being a problem between us and not knowing about it, like the payment request situation (and other situations).
At times, my insecurities, anxious attachment, and my resulting codependency from this relationship significantly affected her and put a strain on the relationship. For example, there could be absolutely nothing wrong and I would create a problem out of nowhere. I was dependent on her for my happiness and if there was even a slight bit of attention focused on someone else, it would bother me. Sometimes, this would make me overly needy and controlling. This frustrated and triggered her a lot, because she also wanted to give other people attention and felt suffocated by my unreasonable demands. This was also a reoccurring pattern in the relationship.
My fear of there being a problem between us which I might not know about, my fear of not being as important to her as she was to me, and therefore, my fear of losing her became too strong at times, which caused me to become insecure and worried. Especially the times where my insecurity and worry was unjustified affected her a lot. During those times, she felt like I was causing issues for no reason and she felt upset and frustrated that, despite her giving me lots of attention the days before, I would still need reassurance and interpret her behaviour as there being something wrong between us. This made her feel drained, annoyed, suffocated, and upset.
Her reactions tended to be quite defensive and dismissive towards me. I understand her reaction, because her feelings were completely justified, but she chose to respond in those ways to vent her frustration. She would tell me that I was annoying, way too needy, that I should stop overthinking her behaviour, and that I should work on my insecurities. She was correct though. During these moments, I would become very apologetic. I just wanted things to be good between us. There were also times I felt like I was taking responsibility for things I didn't feel responsible for, just to make sure things were okay. She wasn't completely wrong regarding what she was saying to me, but it was harsh. It was absolutely not my intention to cause a problem or to frustrate or annoy her, but because it seemed to affect her enough for her to become so defensive, I thought that my behaviour was unacceptable and blamed myself a lot. I also started feeling like my feelings were completely irrational and therefore I started doubting myself more.
Therefore, at times, I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I was afraid of bringing up a situation in which I thought there was something wrong between us, because I was afraid of being wrong and her reactions tended to be quite defensive and dismissive. She also felt like she was walking on eggshells at times due to my tendency to overthink her behaviours. She didn’t want to cause a problem either, since even small shifts in her behaviour could worry me.
During the relationship, I could at times become jealous when I was insecure, for example when she spent time with her friends or family without me, either through texting or in real life. This would obviously frustrate her a lot and was one of the most difficult parts of the relationship for her, since she was just spending time with others and didn't see how that could be a cause of insecurity for me. I tended to be rational and calm when I was insecure or jealous, but there were occasional instances where that wasn't the case and I acted in a more passive aggressive or guilt-trippy manner. I am not usually a toxic person, but I did display some toxic behaviours at times during this relationship.
We both had past issues which we projected onto each other at times. The relationship was very intense and that meant there were also many highs and lows. We had a deep affection and care for one another and we both thought the relationship was too good to be true. For me, it felt too good to be true be in a relationship for the first time and to have a romantic experience with someone I cared so much about, because I had never experienced that before. For her, it felt too good to be true that I was so kind and caring to her, because she had never felt that before from anyone else to this extent. She had always felt let down by people before in her life and she couldn’t believe that I wasn't like them. We were both afraid of losing each other. For me, it was expressed by going above and beyond for her, a tendency to be more clingy and have a need for reassurance, wanting to always feel close and connected with her, and things like that. For her, it seemed like she could show a combination of becoming distant and pushing me away, but also becoming very vulnerable at times too and showing me lots of love and affection.
My ex told me a lot about her past trauma and how life had been quite difficult for her the past few years. Her grandmother had passed away a 6 years ago and during that time she lost her group of friends (which included her best friend) after a big conflict in which she felt unfairly treated. It seemed like she had had quite a few friendships in which she didn’t feel like her needs were being met and she tended te feel unfairly treated. It was a reoccurring theme in her life.
Her other grandmother passed away ahalf a year before we met. She didn’t really have many friendships to rely on either at that time, because she studied abroad and her friends and family were obviously not present to support her. She also struggled a lot with academic stress during our time together. She had failed a few exams and fell behind, which compounded her struggles, especially since she was still grieving the loss of her grandmother. Then, her family dog passed away very suddenly 10 months into our relationship. It felt like her dog passing away was the last drop that made the bucket overflow. She loved that dog so much and it really affected her. Her grief was very intense. These incidents played a massive role in her mood shifts, especially considering she is an emotionally sensitive person and her moods already seemed quite easily affected at times.
She wasn’t emotionally stable and her emotional regulation seemed to be lacking at times too, especially considering she was 29. I was 9 years younger than her and in general life situations, I felt like the more stable and mature person for most of the relationship. I didn’t always act that way during our conflicts, though, but in general life it seemed like I was more regulated and rational. I was also the one who tended to take on a more caretaker role in the relationship due to my codependency.
Her emotions could be intense and easily triggered by other people or life stressors. She tended to attribute her behaviour and reactions more on external factors, such as her past experiences or the bad things happening currently in her life. Of course, she did take responsibility too, but often after the fact. Initially, it always felt like the world was against her. She was often the one feeling the most hurt from her past friendships. It was hard to not feel bad for her.
As a result, during the last two months of the relationship (after her family dog passed away), her emotional instability reached its peak. It was like her world fell apart. Her moods were very up and down, and she had depressive episodes during which she broke down crying a lot. During that time, I was pretty much her only emotional support. I took care of her a lot during that period. Things became very draining for me. Towards the end, I had given everything I had for her and had put all of her needs above mine. I felt more like a parent than a boyfriend. During this difficult period, we started triggering each other more frequently. I was often worried about her well-being due to her not taking care of herself very well during this period. I was starting to find it very hard to be supportive since I had become emotionally numb around that point. I had nothing left in me anymore. When I mentioned to her that I felt drained, she would feel upset. She interpreted it as me saying that her emotions was too much and she felt invalidated. Granted, I could have worded it more clearly, but I definitely didn't say it how she interpreted it. Towards the end, my behaviour also became slightly passive aggressive and controlling/possessive at times (I told her once that it bothered me how much she was texting her friends and that I wished she would text them less), and I had made an insensitive comment. I mentioned to her that I had become slightly less attracted to her and that she had gained some weight. I had become a caretaker for her, she wasn’t really taking care of herself, and I felt like this relationship was very draining to be in, and as a result I found myself feeling slightly less attracted to her. This feeling really bothered me, because I didn't want to feel that way. I loved her and wanted to feel 100% attracted to her. I thought it would be best to simply be honest with her. However, I should have worded it differently, because it obviously hurt her a lot. I should have not made it about her attractiveness or weight. I did apologise a lot and tried to reassure her that I did still find her attractive, but the damage was already done. I meant well, but I was very naïve in thinking that bringing that up was not going to have an effect on her. That is a harsh lesson learned from my side. I still feel bad about it.
However, I also felt very unfairly treated by her during that last part of our relationship. I did so much for her during that period relationship, yet she still managed to interpret some of my behaviour as me not caring enough sometimes. She seemed to become upset more frequently about very small matters and at times it seemed like she was nit-picking problems or finding reasons to become upset at me. This resulted in her becoming distant and passive aggressive towards me. That was very frustrating and exhausting to deal with, especially when I was already starting to become emotionally drained. She would say things like “Sorry for existing then” or “I guess I’ll just stop that then” when I felt bothered by something. This was also due time her own struggles and her grief at the time, so I fully understand.
Towards the end, my needs were not getting met. I just wanted to help her through this immensely tough period and it was more important to me that her needs were met than mine. I just wanted to see her happy, because as long as she was happy, I was happy.
Overall, she was generally a very loving, funny, kind woman who obviously cared a lot for me. We created so many amazing memories together and I will never forget her or the relationship. At times, things would be absolutely perfect between us and it felt like a dream. The relationship wasn’t constantly negative. We shared periods of stability and there are many examples of times when we were able to communicate in a loving and healthy manner. We shared a real love and had an amazing connection with one another. We were together for a year so that obviously counts for something.
The relationship became unhealthy for both of us, especially towards the end. There were toxic behaviours from both sides rooted in our own issues. However, there were also periods of stability and calm. It wasn't always a constant rollercoaster. Looking back, I believe we we did share more good memories with each other than bad ones, but in the end the relationship seemed to reach a point beyond repair. She felt very drained by my constant overthinking, and my insecurity and jealousy. She felt like she had to constantly prove herself as a result, which upset her a lot. She already had her own struggles and it seemed like my insecurities became too much for her and that the relationship became too unhealthy and upsetting towards the end. This was my experience so it will undoubtedly be biased in some ways. However, it is still a valid experience and I have tried to acknowledge her side as well.

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Me (20) and my now ex-girlfriend (29) were together for a year (I was 19 and she was 28 when we met). We met due to studying the same course at university and we instantly hit it off. The start of our relationship was very intense. It felt perfect. We had an amazing connection, things seemed to flow so naturally, and things therefore moved very quickly. I even visited her home country and met her family after only a month of being together. We spent so much time together and we seemed perfect for each other. As a result, we both became very quickly attached to one another. Despite how perfect things were in the beginning, there were occasional glimpses of our own issues making their way into the relationship. For example, I started noticing small, sudden shifts in her moods and behaviour towards me. She was always so talkative, bubbly, and enthusiastic towards me, but there were a few instances during which she suddenly became more distant and silent, and her behaviour felt different than usual. This confused me, especially considering I didn’t know what the reason was. It left me guessing if there was perhaps a problem between us or if it was just a natural shift in her mood. Sometimes, it was due to her having a problem with me and other times it was just a natural fluctuation in her mood. However, I would always have to guess which one it was and as a result I started to become very aware of her moods and I felt like I had to start paying a lot of attention to the relationship to not accidentally upset or disappoint her in any way. When things were good between us, I rarely felt insecure, but when I suddenly started noticing shifts in her mood or behaviour towards me, I started to feel anxious and insecure.
To further elaborate, at times in the relationship, I found it difficult to read, predict, and understand her moods and her behaviour towards me: her behaviour felt inconsistent to me at times. One day she was super loving, talkative, and interested in me, and the next day it felt different. However, I didn't know if my feelings were justified or if I was simply overthinking and overanalysing her behaviour. Since she didn't tell me what was the matter even when I asked her, I was left confused and still guessing why there were these shifts in her mood.
She did tell me that she found it scary to trust others and, therefore, to be fully open with me. She told me that was why she would push me away sometimes, meaning that my feelings were not completely unjustified. She admitted herself that she could be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. She was also older than me and more the independent type, and didn't always need a lot of attention, which is also an explanation for her change in behaviour. However, I didn't know that at the beginning of the relationship.
There were times where it felt like I had to follow an exact script on how to act or what to say to not upset her. She would become upset at times, because she didn’t think I appreciated her or because I didn’t give her the reaction she had in her mind. When I didn't live up to these unspoken expectations, she became more distant and silent (or even slightly pasisve aggressive), like I mentioned before. She wanted me to naturally know what she wanted, since in her mind it was obvious and she didn’t feel like she was a hard person to to read, but it wasn't obvious to me. This didn’t happen too often, but it still had an effect on me.
To give an example of how she could deal with these unspoken expectations, there was an instance when we did grocery shopping together. I paid for it at the time, but she told me to send her a payment request for half of it and when I did so a few days later, I immediately noticed a slight change in her energy towards me. When I questioned her about this, she told me that there was nothing wrong, but when I came round her place later that day. she was extremely cold and unaffectionate towards me. Her reaction was like I had cheated on her. I wasn't allowed to sit or be close to her, she was visibly upset, she wouldn't talk to me, and I had to sleep on the opposite side of the bed. I even mentioned if me sending her a payment request was an issue, but she told me that it was fine since she had told me that I could send her one. The next day she was hot and cold towards me, going from acting normally towards me to cold and distant again. Only after I became very upset and questioned her about it again did she tell me that the reason she was acting that way was because she wanted me to offer to pay for the groceries. She had paid for the groceries last time, so she wanted me to pay for them this time (I would have had no problem at all with paying, but since she told me to send her a payment request, I did). She told me that she became upset when I hadn't offered to do so naturally, which caused her to feel like I didn't appreciate or care about her enough. This was the most extreme example from our relationship, though. However, this situation caused me to lose some trust in her and her words.
Her behaviour wasn't intentional. It seemed to be due to a mix of her character and the things she had gone through in her past. It seemed like it was more of a coping/protective mechanism for her. She was aware of this, but her awareness wasn't always enough for her to cope in a different way.
In the cases where I felt like there was a shift in her behaviour, mood, or energy, it left me guessing if there was anything wrong. I had learned to associate a change in her mood as there potentially being something wrong. I was just afraid of there being a problem between us and not knowing about it, like the payment request situation (and other situations).
At times, my insecurities, anxious attachment, and my resulting codependency from this relationship significantly affected her and put a strain on the relationship. For example, there could be absolutely nothing wrong and I would create a problem out of nowhere. I was dependent on her for my happiness and if there was even a slight bit of attention focused on someone else, it would bother me. Sometimes, this would make me overly needy and controlling. This frustrated and triggered her a lot, because she also wanted to give other people attention and felt suffocated by my unreasonable demands. This was also a reoccurring pattern in the relationship.
My fear of there being a problem between us which I might not know about, my fear of not being as important to her as she was to me, and therefore, my fear of losing her became too strong at times, which caused me to become insecure and worried. Especially the times where my insecurity and worry was unjustified affected her a lot. During those times, she felt like I was causing issues for no reason and she felt upset and frustrated that, despite her giving me lots of attention the days before, I would still need reassurance and interpret her behaviour as there being something wrong between us. This made her feel drained, annoyed, suffocated, and upset.
Her reactions tended to be quite defensive and dismissive towards me. I understand her reaction, because her feelings were completely justified, but she chose to respond in those ways to vent her frustration. She would tell me that I was annoying, way too needy, that I should stop overthinking her behaviour, and that I should work on my insecurities. She was correct though. During these moments, I would become very apologetic. I just wanted things to be good between us. There were also times I felt like I was taking responsibility for things I didn't feel responsible for, just to make sure things were okay. She wasn't completely wrong regarding what she was saying to me, but it was harsh. It was absolutely not my intention to cause a problem or to frustrate or annoy her, but because it seemed to affect her enough for her to become so defensive, I thought that my behaviour was unacceptable and blamed myself a lot. I also started feeling like my feelings were completely irrational and therefore I started doubting myself more.
Therefore, at times, I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I was afraid of bringing up a situation in which I thought there was something wrong between us, because I was afraid of being wrong and her reactions tended to be quite defensive and dismissive. She also felt like she was walking on eggshells at times due to my tendency to overthink her behaviours. She didn’t want to cause a problem either, since even small shifts in her behaviour could worry me.
During the relationship, I could at times become jealous when I was insecure, for example when she spent time with her friends or family without me, either through texting or in real life. This would obviously frustrate her a lot and was one of the most difficult parts of the relationship for her, since she was just spending time with others and didn't see how that could be a cause of insecurity for me. I tended to be rational and calm when I was insecure or jealous, but there were occasional instances where that wasn't the case and I acted in a more passive aggressive or guilt-trippy manner. I am not usually a toxic person, but I did display some toxic behaviours at times during this relationship.
We both had past issues which we projected onto each other at times. The relationship was very intense and that meant there were also many highs and lows. We had a deep affection and care for one another and we both thought the relationship was too good to be true. For me, it felt too good to be true be in a relationship for the first time and to have a romantic experience with someone I cared so much about, because I had never experienced that before. For her, it felt too good to be true that I was so kind and caring to her, because she had never felt that before from anyone else to this extent. She had always felt let down by people before in her life and she couldn’t believe that I wasn't like them. We were both afraid of losing each other. For me, it was expressed by going above and beyond for her, a tendency to be more clingy and have a need for reassurance, wanting to always feel close and connected with her, and things like that. For her, it seemed like she could show a combination of becoming distant and pushing me away, but also becoming very vulnerable at times too and showing me lots of love and affection.
My ex told me a lot about her past trauma and how life had been quite difficult for her the past few years. Her grandmother had passed away a 6 years ago and during that time she lost her group of friends (which included her best friend) after a big conflict in which she felt unfairly treated. It seemed like she had had quite a few friendships in which she didn’t feel like her needs were being met and she tended te feel unfairly treated. It was a reoccurring theme in her life.
Her other grandmother passed away ahalf a year before we met. She didn’t really have many friendships to rely on either at that time, because she studied abroad and her friends and family were obviously not present to support her. She also struggled a lot with academic stress during our time together. She had failed a few exams and fell behind, which compounded her struggles, especially since she was still grieving the loss of her grandmother. Then, her family dog passed away very suddenly 10 months into our relationship. It felt like her dog passing away was the last drop that made the bucket overflow. She loved that dog so much and it really affected her. Her grief was very intense. These incidents played a massive role in her mood shifts, especially considering she is an emotionally sensitive person and her moods already seemed quite easily affected at times.
She wasn’t emotionally stable and her emotional regulation seemed to be lacking at times too, especially considering she was 29. I was 9 years younger than her and in general life situations, I felt like the more stable and mature person for most of the relationship. I didn’t always act that way during our conflicts, though, but in general life it seemed like I was more regulated and rational. I was also the one who tended to take on a more caretaker role in the relationship due to my codependency.
Her emotions could be intense and easily triggered by other people or life stressors. She tended to attribute her behaviour and reactions more on external factors, such as her past experiences or the bad things happening currently in her life. Of course, she did take responsibility too, but often after the fact. Initially, it always felt like the world was against her. She was often the one feeling the most hurt from her past friendships. It was hard to not feel bad for her.
As a result, during the last two months of the relationship (after her family dog passed away), her emotional instability reached its peak. It was like her world fell apart. Her moods were very up and down, and she had depressive episodes during which she broke down crying a lot. During that time, I was pretty much her only emotional support. I took care of her a lot during that period. Things became very draining for me. Towards the end, I had given everything I had for her and had put all of her needs above mine. I felt more like a parent than a boyfriend. During this difficult period, we started triggering each other more frequently. I was often worried about her well-being due to her not taking care of herself very well during this period. I was starting to find it very hard to be supportive since I had become emotionally numb around that point. I had nothing left in me anymore. When I mentioned to her that I felt drained, she would feel upset. She interpreted it as me saying that her emotions was too much and she felt invalidated. Granted, I could have worded it more clearly, but I definitely didn't say it how she interpreted it. Towards the end, my behaviour also became slightly passive aggressive and controlling/possessive at times (I told her once that it bothered me how much she was texting her friends and that I wished she would text them less), and I had made an insensitive comment. I mentioned to her that I had become slightly less attracted to her and that she had gained some weight. I had become a caretaker for her, she wasn’t really taking care of herself, and I felt like this relationship was very draining to be in, and as a result I found myself feeling slightly less attracted to her. This feeling really bothered me, because I didn't want to feel that way. I loved her and wanted to feel 100% attracted to her. I thought it would be best to simply be honest with her. However, I should have worded it differently, because it obviously hurt her a lot. I should have not made it about her attractiveness or weight. I did apologise a lot and tried to reassure her that I did still find her attractive, but the damage was already done. I meant well, but I was very naïve in thinking that bringing that up was not going to have an effect on her. That is a harsh lesson learned from my side. I still feel bad about it.
However, I also felt very unfairly treated by her during that last part of our relationship. I did so much for her during that period relationship, yet she still managed to interpret some of my behaviour as me not caring enough sometimes. She seemed to become upset more frequently about very small matters and at times it seemed like she was nit-picking problems or finding reasons to become upset at me. This resulted in her becoming distant and passive aggressive towards me. That was very frustrating and exhausting to deal with, especially when I was already starting to become emotionally drained. She would say things like “Sorry for existing then” or “I guess I’ll just stop that then” when I felt bothered by something. This was also due time her own struggles and her grief at the time, so I fully understand.
Towards the end, my needs were not getting met. I just wanted to help her through this immensely tough period and it was more important to me that her needs were met than mine. I just wanted to see her happy, because as long as she was happy, I was happy.
Overall, she was generally a very loving, funny, kind woman who obviously cared a lot for me. We created so many amazing memories together and I will never forget her or the relationship. At times, things would be absolutely perfect between us and it felt like a dream. The relationship wasn’t constantly negative. We shared periods of stability and there are many examples of times when we were able to communicate in a loving and healthy manner. We shared a real love and had an amazing connection with one another. We were together for a year so that obviously counts for something.
The relationship became unhealthy for both of us, especially towards the end. There were toxic behaviours from both sides rooted in our own issues. However, there were also periods of stability and calm. It wasn't always a constant rollercoaster. Looking back, I believe we we did share more good memories with each other than bad ones, but in the end the relationship seemed to reach a point beyond repair. She felt very drained by my constant overthinking, and my insecurity and jealousy. She felt like she had to constantly prove herself as a result, which upset her a lot. She already had her own struggles and it seemed like my insecurities became too much for her and that the relationship became too unhealthy and upsetting towards the end. This was my experience so it will undoubtedly be biased in some ways. However, it is still a valid experience and I have tried to acknowledge her side as well.

5:36 PM Wed 5/8/24
Mood: Terrible
Title: Alone
Details: Last year I was told that there is a whole universe out there of people to find. And that I was being endlessly supported and that people were inspired by me.
This year I learned what it's like to be hunted and chased away from goodness. It has been the worst year of my entire life and with the knowledge that there is a whole universe out there--I feel lonelier than I was before.
Not a single person wants well for me. I have to translate my thoughts, behavior, intentions, symptoms, and soul to everyone.
There hasn't been a single rest from it in over 330 days. Just endless messes and ridicule and mocking and advances and terrorism.
I'm thought I was tired of people. But I walk outside and love them so much. I learned I'm not tired of people. But I'm so so so tired of loneliness.
Being around others doesn't stop you from being lonely. Because I'm still translating. My thoughts and feelings are still not reaching and the obvious signals I send to others are being deflected and mistranslated.
I'm tired of translating for to others. On paper it's so easy to understand a person. Watching it's easy to understand and to judge. But actually reacting appropriately to context and injustice and neurodivergence even is so lost to people.
This is why I wanted to write my story. Because people don't know how to cope. They don't know how to accept bad things. They don't know the difference between bad people and good people and even today our societies are too primitive to understand it.
They're still theororizing, contemplating, changing information for their gain...never have I seen any type of science be so abstractly and subjectively defiled as I've seen happen with mental health and neurodivergence.
People cannot separate the symptom from the person and punish and subjugate and continue to dominate those less fortunate.
I'm glad I know what happens to people they don't like. I know how dangerous people can be.
I wish I had someone to protect me. So I still find myself praying and wishing for one person. Just one person I don't have to translate myself to. Just one person I don't have to have grow tired of me. Just one person I don't have to compete with.
Growing up I was used to competing. Siblings, cousins, friends. In public AND private school there's always someone or something to compete. Today I compete with my parents and yesterday I compete with women who love the one I thought I loved.
I grew accustomed to hating my own birthday because of jealousy around it because my uncle was upset he shared it with my brother and I. And because I could never have it the way I enjoyed later. Too much. I'm too much. Too far. Too long. Too attention-seeking.
I had my chance as a teen with two friends so why isn't that enough for me? My parents were happy that I finally was taking a break from illness but since I got what I asked for then I'm a spoiled ass. As if they ever treated me better even then. Golden children are still abused even when the roles swap. Because no pleasantness is atrocious.
My family told me I was fat and going to get diabetes and have a heart attack and die despite never talking to me and being in high school--where weight isn't even done being "distributed" until your mid twenties. Thanks to the prime golden child my sister.
I'm tired of fighting and competing to be heard and to have needs met and to come across as kind or kinder. It's killing me.
Why can't I ever just be me?
Why can't I ever just be my authentic self? The one I want to be as a form of worship? Me in all my phases and feelings?
Why do I have to stuff myself down or look beautiful when I'm suffering in order to be a good and kind person worth saving?
I understand Nettle so much now. I wish I never did.
If I didn't have vocal fry would I be loved? If I didn't have fat would I be loved? If I didn't have brown or blonde hair would I be loved? If I forgave my parents and suffered quietly would I be loved?
If I had sweet doe eyes or a light mousy voice would someone finally think I had autism?
The ones I see on tiktok are drop dead gorgeous women with huge colorful lives and opportunities and get to complain about "pretty privelege"
Some have a light airiness to them that make them seem like fae.
And there's me who never fits anywhere or with anyone.
I have nothing and no one and absolutely no point.
I was okay before--before I had drive and passion to find my people. Before I had dreams of finding my way and accomplishing things. Before I had just one person.
It's so cruel. The people in this world are so cruel. I just want one person.
One person from God--and loving can be worship too. I'm too tired for much else.
Just one person to save me from their damnation that seems to last forever.
I'm so exhausted all the time.
My body hurts. My head hurts. My nerves feel like nothing.
I feel hopeless. Empty. I feel like the woman from my dream.
I feel betrayed--like others saw my future and pushed me into it head first with some kind of pre-revenge. Pinched. Twisted. Groped. Lost. Forced.
Called an attention whore. Gold digger.
I feel confused. People are trying desperately to make sure no one understands me.
I'm one girl. Against a whole universe and groups of people.
The emotional, psychological, and societal manipulation is obscure.
I keep reading revelations 2:24 to feel better.
It feels like Thyatira. I'm trying to hold fast to the idea that God may rescue me from whatever this is. A trial--make believe--experimentation--prisonment for knowing too much.
He asks we wait patiently for him to come and rescue us.
And many biblical figures had to wait for years and years. Upwards to like 100 if you were Abraham.
So while every day things feel like battle now, I am still trying.
I want to give myself OT and PT...I've done it for others so it can't be hard.
And with the flashbacks and emotional flashbacks and meltdowns and outbursts...I'm going to try treating myself for PTSD too.
Until I get the help I need somehow--I don't know what else to do.
I know others are tired of helping me. When you don't seem to receive pleasantness it's par for the course.
But I'm tired of competing for needs to be met. Can't everyone just work harder to understand bodies and minds and signals--then people would have their needs met and there'd be no need to compete.
I'm tired of fighting for myself. I'm tired of doing it alone.
I'm tired of being with others and doing it lonely.
The world isn't just crumbling due to climate change. Our minds are shifting and crumbling with it.
It makes sense. The weather affects people. Everyone I know is so tired. There's no way we are evolved enough to know God and be in his presence. There's no way we are advanced. Even this phone feels archaic to me--the programs we use feel archaic.
I understand now why capitalism is seen as demonic and evil. The control of drip marketing contents and technology is so slow and pointless.
Our resources are depleting. War is happening still. Communism wouldn't help either. It's the same song with a different tune.
I'll keep living because that's what he wants from people. I want to make God proud. I want people's lives to be easier.
I want people to stop competing and performing and wanting to die drenched in lies.
Maybe that's why it's a sin to lie. It halts evolution not just on others but yourself too. Living a lie halts growth.
It's difficult but Faith seems to be the part that is supposed to ground you in it. Like--I don't know WHY I can't lie in this situation but I have to be honest.
Anyways in these moments I wonder if philosophy and religion is a coping skill or a turning something bad into something good.
I guess I should just keep doing what I need to do and not what others want me to do.
It seems whenever I do what others want I suffer more than before.
I usually value collaboration. But when others Stop valuing it--then it's time for something to be done.
These people are messed up. They have no emotional retention. They have no ability to remember the things they do--Like it doesn't exist to them.
The heat, my hormones shifting, the trauma of seeing her again, and other things seemed to trigger a huge meltdown? Fight or flight? PTSD attack?
No wonder the woman from my dream was so empty--her body and mind have been through war and emotional, psychological, and spiritual survival.
I can only pray that I'm not chemically like a porn addicted person--I don't want to lose the idea that sex to me is love. After everything I mean.
I don't have the time in life to heal. There's so much I have to do and everyone still sees me as a wallet drainer and leech.
I don't trust anyone to help me. I don't trust anyone to love me. I don't trust love because it's not enough to make these other things go away.
I understand why people are calling for a civil war on the rich. And their help? To not be seen as bad people? Their help is "we will make others more like us!"
Natural selection affects them too.
Which is funny. They think they've escaped it ofc. I do think that people are right. Celebrities and other rich people aren't useful anymore.
They don't have much use anymore.
Anyways.
I feel lonely. I feel trauma everywhere. Like I've always been hit by a bus.
It's ironic I think--the "I wouldn't do it without a trained professional" people are so dangerous.
I did better without them...always.
It's hard not to hate life.
I always have to compete for needs and wants and sacrafice them.
For siblings, friends, lovers, parents, students, strangers, buyers, consumers, voices...
I sacrafice for these people to have better all the time. I don't have the energy to do anything else. I don't have anything else to provide but what I can scrounge up and then hand off or step aside.
I just want someone.
Someone who knows and loves me and understands me in full.
I can't let these people take away my voice or my story or my dreams for myself when they're already so blessed.
Only those well off say "you should be grateful"
What you did to survive and achieve versus what I did will never be the same.
So I'll hopefully find a way. To let my future husband be able to comfort me and know me in full after this whole experience. I'll find a way for him to know every page in my story and leaf through and bookmark his favorites.
Who in the universe would take away that from their victims so easily? That they could just have one?
These people can be vampires.
I get tired--I fall asleep--they suck the energy out of me.
They leave all their bad thoughts behind.
The world needs a miracle.
Activities: Food Sleep Screens
Emotions: Hurt Overwhelmed Confused Lonely Stressed Empty Hopeless
Unhelpful Thought: I'll never be well. No one will ever understand me. No one does. I'm alone. I'm always alone and I'll always be alone. People will only ever take from me or use me. People want me to die. My parents want me to die. I end up believing them and wanting it too.
I'll never have a life. I'll never have my own life. I'll never be me. I'll never be free.
Cognitive Distortions: Fortune-telling Self-blaming
Challenge: I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that you've been through so much trauma in such little time. I'm so sorry you have to fight to comfort yourself and your fight response has increased so astronomically.
It must be scary to have to use it. It must be scary to never know when the pain will stop or when they will cause your attacks to start.
I don't know much about PTSD but considering the flashbacks and how even in moments for you they violate every piece of you--it only makes sense that you have resorted to fighting. I'm sorry you're body has to respond so uncomfortably and abnormally.
But try to remember that these are all normal responses to the abnormal. Your body is scared and terrified and it's been 330 days of exhaustion. The fatigue makes sense. The survival instincts makes sense. Your body and brain are working so hard for you so you can keep loving one day when the trauma responses ebb away.
There's no cure that I know of for these ailments. PTSD, depression, SAD, anxieties, potential autism. All these comorbidities must be eating away at you. The fact that they keep triggering you doesn't help either.
I'm sorry they push you. I'm sorry you've been through rape. I'm sorry you can barely pick up the pieces before they hurt you again.
I'm sorry I have to be the one to apologize to you for everything that's happened and still happens. I'm sorry they abuse you as you try to write and don't listen to no or clear boundaries.
The only advice I can think to give so you may have peace in these moments is to stop saving them. Let the bad continue to do bad. Let the Rapists continue to be Rapists. Do not work to absolve them of anything or bring good from their lives.
They're learning how to hurt you in different ways instead. They're recruiting new people late to everything instead.
Teeny tiny Tina, I'm still working so hard for you to be loved. I'm working so hard for you to stay safe. For you and I to stop fighting.
For you and I to stop freezing and being abused and for them to push you your fight responses and fear of your own body.
I'm sorry they tell you it's demons. When it's her. I'm sorry she won't leave you alone. I'm sorry she and others won't have boundaries with you.
I'm sorry they use you to teach her what her Delusions look like in another person because she forgets to be a human in others bodies and can't let her ego go.
I'm sorry they drug you so she can be comforted.
I'm sorry they don't know what you are going through. When I write as if I'm not you I can't imagine this pain.
I hope one day you are safe and rescued. I hope one day you find someone who will save you from her and them and the ones who abuse you.
I know my hopes are meaningless and that under normal circumstances when you are only you--I can always write meaningful advice without resorting to vapid generics.
I hope that one day you can be enough for yourself again.
I hope they don't bleed you dry. Don't kill yourself no matter what they say and do and feed on altruistic notions.
It's a complete mind fuck. The support needs to come from you. When they do it--don't believe them.
May you find peace Tina.
Alternative Thought: You will be saved. You will find help. Normal people know that it's wrong. These stars are illusions.
Normal people can help better. Find a community that can give you a break and accept you. That won't let your mind fall apart.
Don't let their ironic wishes for you give you peace. Don't let it give THEM peace. They don't mean it they just want it to be them.
Do not be like them. Do not live a lie. Address your hatred front on. Address why you hate front on so you may be free from it.
Do not be like them. Keep the bible in mind but please be who you want to be--which is exactly how God created and therefore called you to be.
Your calling is to heal and fight hatred for now.
Your calling is to find safety. May the lord bear you on eagles wings.
You do not have religious psychosis. You need to keep remembering who the fuck you are.
You are too smart for your own good. You are too self sacrificing for your own good. You see the bad in the good for people to address and attack and heal. You are kind when not under duress. You have illness. You need diagnosis. You have had terrible things happen. Surreal and awful. You always find a way to make things right. You always grow and evolve and change. You are you and others will not visibly see it.
Keep your self grounding mindfulness. Mindfulness is not oppression. It's a tool for a single person. Yourself. Not others.
Keep steady. Take a walk. Do something new. Discover something. Don't just stay in your mind doing it all there.
You need stimulation. You may be close to the end of figuring what you need to figure out out.
Then look at these thoughts and see how little and small they are in comparison to who you are and how you faced them. You are always seeking to heal and retain your values. That dualism and unobstructed steadfastness is your namesake.
It's in your birthday, your name, your experiences, your ring, your prayers, your loves, your hates, your stories, and every part of you.
You can never not be you. Except when your free will is in the hands of another.
Keep fighting for peace. Write and draw and explore within your means. Your life may seem so small but the meaning you have, the blessings God gave you to remember, the irreplaceable meaning everywhere is a gift from him.
And with this you never stop creating. Up and down. Up and down. If David in all his emotional complexities is a "man after God's own heart" then allow yourself to fall and thank God for his discipline.
He corrects those he accepts. He shows the wisdom of it to those he loves.
Keep his ever present and obvious love for you in your heart.
And even though you think Jonah is so funny, please allow yourself to give "testimony" one day and ask people to repent and show them God's love. Be unashamed. Be devoted. Be passionate. Don't let others kill your fire.
You know what it's like. You know what thoughts come from these terrible scenarios. You know how badly you want saving.
Others do too.
Show people that God's love IS unconditional. And learn and translate and write.
Translate God's Holy Spirit and intentions and goals to others.
He will bless you. He is pursuing your heart.
Remember how small the flaws are in others in comparison to them. How little it means for them to dislike what you do or help the opposing neighbor.
You are admired. And sometimes admiration turns bad and becomes jealousy.
You are very lonely. And you have learned ways to find yourself in all the versions of loneliness there are.
You are used. You are abused.
And that story lives and cannot be erased no matter how hard they try. Eternity is the sock that fell from their push. It feels so inescapable.
Your healing and self growth is awkward.
But you can still live. And you love others enough to be awkward with them.
Let yourself remember that this means that you love yourself to be awkward with yourself and allow it.
In that way you have already broken one cycle. That people need to see you in good perfect ways in order to have even self love.
You are strong. You are so passionate. And still while moored and mired in guck and hatred you still do everything out of love.
For yourself and others.
Your own body even is reflecting that incredibly. Your brain doesn't WANT to give up. It wants to fight, to survive, to fawn, to freeze.
Your brain and body is fighting for your love. Your self love and your future love and your love for others.
It's natural to feel this exhaustion after it all.
Tell yourself a new fortune too. A new self attribution. Balance it out.
You're going to always have love. It's in all your cells and the things you touch.
When you drop what you like and feel pain--however small--that tiny regret is love.
Your love is worth it. Your drive to be well is always worth it.
We are adapting. Love yourself enough to be awkward with it. It will feel really big and like the world is ending because it's the first time you've felt these ways.
God bless you.

I’m in round 6 of interviewing with a company. For each round I’ve worked with my recruiter to ask what to expect/how to prepare for conversations (and to gather feedback). The recruiter has been great in providing that information for me so that I put my best foot forward. I’ve had 2 interviews with a VP, who I would not report to but would have to work with on occasion. Each time, this person has not asked questions not at all related to what the recruiter says the interview would be about. They’ve completely gone off script so I’m never prepared. It feels like they are intentionally trying to throw me off my game. It was funny haha the first time, now the 2nd time it’s just annoying. I think I’ve done okay but I can’t help but think it’s not a fair, equitable assessment. They’ve all been hypothetical, think on your feet, what would you do in this situation type questions. If you’ve been in this type of situation before, do you give that feedback to the recruiter or just let it go? Sucks.

Me (20) and my now ex-girlfriend (29) were together for a year (I was 19 and she was 28 when we met). We met due to studying the same course at university and we instantly hit it off. The start of our relationship was very intense. It felt perfect. We had an amazing connection, things seemed to flow so naturally, and things therefore moved very quickly. I even visited her home country and met her family after only a month of being together. We spent so much time together and we seemed perfect for each other. As a result, we both became very quickly attached to one another. Despite how perfect things were in the beginning, there were occasional glimpses of our own issues making their way into the relationship. For example, I started noticing small, sudden shifts in her moods and behaviour towards me. She was always so talkative, bubbly, and enthusiastic towards me, but there were a few instances during which she suddenly became more distant and silent, and her behaviour felt different than usual. This confused me, especially considering I didn’t know what the reason was. It left me guessing if there was perhaps a problem between us or if it was just a natural shift in her mood. Sometimes, it was due to her having a problem with me and other times it was just a natural fluctuation in her mood. However, I would always have to guess which one it was and as a result I started to become very aware of her moods and I felt like I had to start paying a lot of attention to the relationship to not accidentally upset or disappoint her in any way. When things were good between us, I rarely felt insecure, but when I suddenly started noticing shifts in her mood or behaviour towards me, I started to feel anxious and insecure.
To further elaborate, at times in the relationship, I found it difficult to read, predict, and understand her moods and her behaviour towards me: her behaviour felt inconsistent to me at times. One day she was super loving, talkative, and interested in me, and the next day it felt different. However, I didn't know if my feelings were justified or if I was simply overthinking and overanalysing her behaviour. Since she didn't tell me what was the matter even when I asked her, I was left confused and still guessing why there were these shifts in her mood.
She did tell me that she found it scary to trust others and, therefore, to be fully open with me. She told me that was why she would push me away sometimes, meaning that my feelings were not completely unjustified. She admitted herself that she could be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. She was also older than me and more the independent type, and didn't always need a lot of attention, which is also an explanation for her change in behaviour. However, I didn't know that at the beginning of the relationship.
There were times where it felt like I had to follow an exact script on how to act or what to say to not upset her. She would become upset at times, because she didn’t think I appreciated her or because I didn’t give her the reaction she had in her mind. When I didn't live up to these unspoken expectations, she became more distant and silent (or even slightly pasisve aggressive), like I mentioned before. She wanted me to naturally know what she wanted, since in her mind it was obvious and she didn’t feel like she was a hard person to to read, but it wasn't obvious to me. This didn’t happen too often, but it still had an effect on me.
To give an example of how she could deal with these unspoken expectations, there was an instance when we did grocery shopping together. I paid for it at the time, but she told me to send her a payment request for half of it and when I did so a few days later, I immediately noticed a slight change in her energy towards me. When I questioned her about this, she told me that there was nothing wrong, but when I came round her place later that day. she was extremely cold and unaffectionate towards me. Her reaction was like I had cheated on her. I wasn't allowed to sit or be close to her, she was visibly upset, she wouldn't talk to me, and I had to sleep on the opposite side of the bed. I even mentioned if me sending her a payment request was an issue, but she told me that it was fine since she had told me that I could send her one. The next day she was hot and cold towards me, going from acting normally towards me to cold and distant again. Only after I became very upset and questioned her about it again did she tell me that the reason she was acting that way was because she wanted me to offer to pay for the groceries. She had paid for the groceries last time, so she wanted me to pay for them this time (I would have had no problem at all with paying, but since she told me to send her a payment request, I did). She told me that she became upset when I hadn't offered to do so naturally, which caused her to feel like I didn't appreciate or care about her enough. This was the most extreme example from our relationship, though. However, this situation caused me to lose some trust in her and her words.
Her behaviour wasn't intentional. It seemed to be due to a mix of her character and the things she had gone through in her past. It seemed like it was more of a coping/protective mechanism for her. She was aware of this, but her awareness wasn't always enough for her to cope in a different way.
In the cases where I felt like there was a shift in her behaviour, mood, or energy, it left me guessing if there was anything wrong. I had learned to associate a change in her mood as there potentially being something wrong. I was just afraid of there being a problem between us and not knowing about it, like the payment request situation (and other situations).
At times, my insecurities, anxious attachment, and my resulting codependency from this relationship significantly affected her and put a strain on the relationship. For example, there could be absolutely nothing wrong and I would create a problem out of nowhere. I was dependent on her for my happiness and if there was even a slight bit of attention focused on someone else, it would bother me. Sometimes, this would make me overly needy and controlling. This frustrated and triggered her a lot, because she also wanted to give other people attention and felt suffocated by my unreasonable demands. This was also a reoccurring pattern in the relationship.
My fear of there being a problem between us which I might not know about, my fear of not being as important to her as she was to me, and therefore, my fear of losing her became too strong at times, which caused me to become insecure and worried. Especially the times where my insecurity and worry was unjustified affected her a lot. During those times, she felt like I was causing issues for no reason and she felt upset and frustrated that, despite her giving me lots of attention the days before, I would still need reassurance and interpret her behaviour as there being something wrong between us. This made her feel drained, annoyed, suffocated, and upset.
Her reactions tended to be quite defensive and dismissive towards me. I understand her reaction, because her feelings were completely justified, but she chose to respond in those ways to vent her frustration. She would tell me that I was annoying, way too needy, that I should stop overthinking her behaviour, and that I should work on my insecurities. She was correct though. During these moments, I would become very apologetic. I just wanted things to be good between us. There were also times I felt like I was taking responsibility for things I didn't feel responsible for, just to make sure things were okay. She wasn't completely wrong regarding what she was saying to me, but it was harsh. It was absolutely not my intention to cause a problem or to frustrate or annoy her, but because it seemed to affect her enough for her to become so defensive, I thought that my behaviour was unacceptable and blamed myself a lot. I also started feeling like my feelings were completely irrational and therefore I started doubting myself more.
Therefore, at times, I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I was afraid of bringing up a situation in which I thought there was something wrong between us, because I was afraid of being wrong and her reactions tended to be quite defensive and dismissive. She also felt like she was walking on eggshells at times due to my tendency to overthink her behaviours. She didn’t want to cause a problem either, since even small shifts in her behaviour could worry me.
During the relationship, I could at times become jealous when I was insecure, for example when she spent time with her friends or family without me, either through texting or in real life. This would obviously frustrate her a lot and was one of the most difficult parts of the relationship for her, since she was just spending time with others and didn't see how that could be a cause of insecurity for me. I tended to be rational and calm when I was insecure or jealous, but there were occasional instances where that wasn't the case and I acted in a more passive aggressive or guilt-trippy manner. I am not usually a toxic person, but I did display some toxic behaviours at times during this relationship.
We both had past issues which we projected onto each other at times. The relationship was very intense and that meant there were also many highs and lows. We had a deep affection and care for one another and we both thought the relationship was too good to be true. For me, it felt too good to be true be in a relationship for the first time and to have a romantic experience with someone I cared so much about, because I had never experienced that before. For her, it felt too good to be true that I was so kind and caring to her, because she had never felt that before from anyone else to this extent. She had always felt let down by people before in her life and she couldn’t believe that I wasn't like them. We were both afraid of losing each other. For me, it was expressed by going above and beyond for her, a tendency to be more clingy and have a need for reassurance, wanting to always feel close and connected with her, and things like that. For her, it seemed like she could show a combination of becoming distant and pushing me away, but also becoming very vulnerable at times too and showing me lots of love and affection.
My ex told me a lot about her past trauma and how life had been quite difficult for her the past few years. Her grandmother had passed away a 6 years ago and during that time she lost her group of friends (which included her best friend) after a big conflict in which she felt unfairly treated. It seemed like she had had quite a few friendships in which she didn’t feel like her needs were being met and she tended te feel unfairly treated. It was a reoccurring theme in her life.
Her other grandmother passed away ahalf a year before we met. She didn’t really have many friendships to rely on either at that time, because she studied abroad and her friends and family were obviously not present to support her. She also struggled a lot with academic stress during our time together. She had failed a few exams and fell behind, which compounded her struggles, especially since she was still grieving the loss of her grandmother. Then, her family dog passed away very suddenly 10 months into our relationship. It felt like her dog passing away was the last drop that made the bucket overflow. She loved that dog so much and it really affected her. Her grief was very intense. These incidents played a massive role in her mood shifts, especially considering she is an emotionally sensitive person and her moods already seemed quite easily affected at times.
She wasn’t emotionally stable and her emotional regulation seemed to be lacking at times too, especially considering she was 29. I was 9 years younger than her and in general life situations, I felt like the more stable and mature person for most of the relationship. I didn’t always act that way during our conflicts, though, but in general life it seemed like I was more regulated and rational. I was also the one who tended to take on a more caretaker role in the relationship due to my codependency.
Her emotions could be intense and easily triggered by other people or life stressors. She tended to attribute her behaviour and reactions more on external factors, such as her past experiences or the bad things happening currently in her life. Of course, she did take responsibility too, but often after the fact. Initially, it always felt like the world was against her. She was often the one feeling the most hurt from her past friendships. It was hard to not feel bad for her.
As a result, during the last two months of the relationship (after her family dog passed away), her emotional instability reached its peak. It was like her world fell apart. Her moods were very up and down, and she had depressive episodes during which she broke down crying a lot. During that time, I was pretty much her only emotional support. I took care of her a lot during that period. Things became very draining for me. Towards the end, I had given everything I had for her and had put all of her needs above mine. I felt more like a parent than a boyfriend. During this difficult period, we started triggering each other more frequently. I was often worried about her well-being due to her not taking care of herself very well during this period. I was starting to find it very hard to be supportive since I had become emotionally numb around that point. I had nothing left in me anymore. When I mentioned to her that I felt drained, she would feel upset. She interpreted it as me saying that her emotions was too much and she felt invalidated. Granted, I could have worded it more clearly, but I definitely didn't say it how she interpreted it. Towards the end, my behaviour also became slightly passive aggressive and controlling/possessive at times (I told her once that it bothered me how much she was texting her friends and that I wished she would text them less), and I had made an insensitive comment. I mentioned to her that I had become slightly less attracted to her and that she had gained some weight. I had become a caretaker for her, she wasn’t really taking care of herself, and I felt like this relationship was very draining to be in, and as a result I found myself feeling slightly less attracted to her. This feeling really bothered me, because I didn't want to feel that way. I loved her and wanted to feel 100% attracted to her. I thought it would be best to simply be honest with her. However, I should have worded it differently, because it obviously hurt her a lot. I should have not made it about her attractiveness or weight. I did apologise a lot and tried to reassure her that I did still find her attractive, but the damage was already done. I meant well, but I was very naïve in thinking that bringing that up was not going to have an effect on her. That is a harsh lesson learned from my side. I still feel bad about it.
However, I also felt very unfairly treated by her during that last part of our relationship. I did so much for her during that period relationship, yet she still managed to interpret some of my behaviour as me not caring enough sometimes. She seemed to become upset more frequently about very small matters and at times it seemed like she was nit-picking problems or finding reasons to become upset at me. This resulted in her becoming distant and passive aggressive towards me. That was very frustrating and exhausting to deal with, especially when I was already starting to become emotionally drained. She would say things like “Sorry for existing then” or “I guess I’ll just stop that then” when I felt bothered by something. This was also due time her own struggles and her grief at the time, so I fully understand.
Towards the end, my needs were not getting met. I just wanted to help her through this immensely tough period and it was more important to me that her needs were met than mine. I just wanted to see her happy, because as long as she was happy, I was happy.
Overall, she was generally a very loving, funny, kind woman who obviously cared a lot for me. We created so many amazing memories together and I will never forget her or the relationship. At times, things would be absolutely perfect between us and it felt like a dream. The relationship wasn’t constantly negative. We shared periods of stability and there are many examples of times when we were able to communicate in a loving and healthy manner. We shared a real love and had an amazing connection with one another. We were together for a year so that obviously counts for something.
The relationship became unhealthy for both of us, especially towards the end. There were toxic behaviours from both sides rooted in our own issues. However, there were also periods of stability and calm. It wasn't always a constant rollercoaster. Looking back, I believe we we did share more good memories with each other than bad ones, but in the end the relationship seemed to reach a point beyond repair. She felt very drained by my constant overthinking, and my insecurity and jealousy. She felt like she had to constantly prove herself as a result, which upset her a lot. She already had her own struggles and it seemed like my insecurities became too much for her and that the relationship became too unhealthy and upsetting towards the end. This was my experience so it will undoubtedly be biased in some ways. However, it is still a valid experience and I have tried to acknowledge her side as well.

Gonna do the students by club, now

Sakyu Basu

Sakyu and Inkyu are some of my least favorite names, mostly because they're two of the few students with translated word names that haven't gotten a retconned name. I would name Sakyu, Serera Gouma: 精 (sei) meaning spirit or essence, 霊 (rei) meaning soul or mystic power, 姫 meaning princess, 降 (goh) meaning to fall or descend, 魔 (ma) meaning demon or evil spirit. Leaning hard into the "they're supernatural beings" angle here

Inkyu Basu

Kiyoko Gouma: 精 meaning spirit or essence, 子 (ko) meaning child or junior, 降 (goh) meaning to fall or descned, 魔 (ma) meaning demon or evil spirit. I chose a -ko name for her because she's the younger of the sisters

Kuu Dere Kumi Deruma

Kumi is such a cute name, but Deruma isn't a name that I can find. So Kumi Demaru: 紅 (ku) meaning crimson, 海 (mi) meaning ocean, 出 (de) meaning exit or leave, 丸 (maru) meaning round or circle. 紅 is meant to reference her red eyes while 海 is for her blue hair. Her last name was just something close-ish to her canon real surname

Horuda Puresu Horuda Umetsu

Umetsu is a real last name, but none of the spellings have much to do with her character. And Horuda Puresu is "place holder" pronounced in Japanese and flipped around. I named her Satsuki Sabishiro: 花 meaning flower, 咲 meaning to bloom or blossom, 淋 (sabi) meaning loneliness or desolation, 代 (shiro) meaning replace or era. Real talk, I know that's a valid spelling of Satsuki but I don't get how the characters are meant to be read. Anyways, Satsuki refers to a type of azalea flower that symbolize fragility, appropriate for the only "fragile" student

Kyuji Konogawa

His name is actually just fine! Though I would romanize it as Kyuuji Konokawa: 久 (kyu) meaning long time or cherished, 示 (ji) meaning to demonstrate or instruct, 此 (kono) meaning this one, 川 (kawa) meaning river. 示 was chosen because the player instructs him on how to talk to Osana

Otohiko Meichi

Another good name! YanDev got better at naming as time went on, so a lot of the most recent characters have good names. But I would write it 乙 (oto) meaning second or duplicate, 彦 (hiko) meaning young man, 米 (me) meaning rice, 地 (chi) meaning ground

Hazu Kashibuchi

Hazu isn't a name by itself. I would change it to Hazuki Kashibuchi: 蓮 (hazu) meaning water lily or lotus, 貴 (ki) meaning valuable or noble rank, 柏 (kashiwa) meaning oak tree, 淵 (fuchi) meaning deep pool or abyss. He could still be nicknamed Hazu-kun, though

Toga Tobara

His name is fine as is. I'd write it 都 (to) meaning city or capital, 雅 (ga) meaning elegant or proper, 都 (to) again, 原 (hara) meaning origin or source.

Raibaru Fumetsu

Neither of these are real names. Raibaru is the english word rival and fumetsu means something like indestructible or immortal. I'd rename her Akira Muteki: 愛 (ai) meaning love or affection, 力 (riki) meaning strength or power, 来 (rai) meaning to arrive, 無 (mu) meaning nothing or zero, 敵 (teki) meaning rival or adversary. 力 and 敵 are obviously meant to reference her strength and her origin as Rival-chan, repectively, and 来 is because we all waited for her (and Osana's) arrival to the game.

So a couple of days this happened and I shared it on one of my private women’s groups. And the ladies asked to share it with more people. So here goes. I was flying home from one event. I was given a seat in second row of the plane and as I sat in that place I got this weird feeling as if God put me in that particular place for some reason. At first I thought maybe I will get a reward of being alone in the row of seats so I can sleep more comfortably, but as the last people came in someone sat next to me and I realised I was wrong. A man with his wife or girlfriend came up to the first row and asked the stewardess if they could use the WC before liftoff. The stewardess said it would be fine, but they would have to wait until all other passangers have boarded. As they were waiting for the toilet, they realized that the places in first row are free and so they asked, if they could use them (because, as I understood, they wanted to sit together, but they got separate places). Stewardess responded that these seats are 20 euro more expensive and they decided to buy them. As I was listening in the conversation, it was obvious from the way he spoke, that this man was an intelligent person. When he sat in this place, he peaked into the pilot’s cabin and said loudly and with a surprise in his voice to the stewardess “will the pilot be a woman today?” (I expected him to praise her, but the next sentence rapidly changed my perception of this man…) “Is this even safe?” I was shocked. I saw the stewardess made herself smaller and said “she is a very experienced pilot”. Then he asked “Very experienced? How old is she? She looks really young… Or maybe she’s like 40?” Now at this point I wanted to scream. But what actually came out of me was a snicker with a headshake. The man that sat beside me asked, what this other guy said that made me react this way, I explained and saw a supporting look in his eyes. After the conversation between the guy and stewardess ended, I observed her as she had to do the security dance that they always do before the flight. As I have quite an extensive flying experience, I don’t usually take time to watch this safety instruction, but this time I was observing very attentively. Her body was doing the moves and on her face you could very clearly see pain: the type of pain that you have when you want to cry, but you can’t allow yourself to do it. When the plane lifted, I fell asleep. I woke up an hour later and I received this clear message that I had to pass on to the pilot. At this moment I was extremely happy I bought a pen as I was thinking I would write some song lyrics, while waiting for the plane – I didn’t write much, but now I knew why I needed that pen. I found a small part of the paper that was not full of random lyrics of mine and prepared it for the message. I was very worried to make a mistake on the only small piece of paper I had, so I practiced what I wanted to write next to my lyrics before I actually wrote it out on the page, so this is why I still have the actual text I wrote. “Hi, I wanted to express, how sorry I am that you have to experience ignorant comments from misogynist men for choosing to be a pilot. I believe by following your passion you uplift & inspire women & especially girls that get to experience flying with you. Some weak male egos get threatened by this, but this is a very needed process for the change that is occurring in the collective in finding more balance after a long history of patriarchy. On behalf of all the little girls of this world Thank you.” As the crew started preparing for landing, I stopped the stewardess that I saw was really affected by that situation and I said „This is not trash. This is a message for you and for the pilot. Read it first and if you feel like it, share it with her too.“ The stewardess thanked me and then read the message. She looked at me with a very warm smile and said she will definitely give it to the pilot. She then pulled back the little curtain they have in their area and invited two other stewardesses that were on the flight for a chat. I saw them reading the paper, then I saw her pointing to the guy (presumably explaining the context for my message). All three of them then looked at me and smiled warmly. But then I started having thoughts that I should say something to this guy as well. And the first thoughts that I had weren‘t very nice. Then I heard my teacher‘s voice in my head saying „Now is your chance to turn your poisons into pearls“ and I realised that I do want to draw a boundary, but with love. When the plane landed, I quickly grabbed my stuff and as I was waiting for the door to open, I was observing this guy collect his stuff. When he finished and stood up to wait, I gathered all my courage (I literally felt my feet physically tremble how afraid I actually was) and I told him: „I would like to tell you something, because I feel you now have a chance to learn and to grow. For this lady to pilot this plane, in her studies and work she had to show a degree of excellence that was way above most of her male peers. And this is because of such ignorant viewpoints like yours of some male teachers and colleagues that she must have had in her life. I truly hope that if you ever have a daughter you will not make her feel smaller the way you tried to make the pilot of our plane feel today.“ He said „you probably did not hear the end of our conversation. In the end I told her that actually probably it is true that flying with women is safer. And that all of it was a joke“. I answered „This is true, I did not hear that bit. But your joke was not funny. Because I saw their reaction. And it was not funny for me.“ I noticed a small supporting smile from the man that sat next to me during the flight. The door oppened and the guy from the first row stepped to the side to let me leave the plane first. Today absolutely by chance I saw these statistics (from the Female Quotient in fb): Women make up less than 20% of the workforce in most aviation occupations: Only 5% of pilots are women and women make up about 6% of airline CEOs. And Black female pilots make up just 1% of commercial airline pilots globally. I don‘t know what you can take from my story. But what I hope is that you allow yourselves to fly in a pursuit of your dreams whatever your dreams might be, regardless of the men that get scared so easily.
P.S. I don't use reddit much, so if you know where is a better place for this type of post, please share with me

Hey I’m a 23 M athletic build sorta and dark features and some piercings. I’m from western Canada and moved back to my small town to save for travelling to south America n Mexico and I’m lacking friends right now. I’m really into the gym, running, art, movies, gaming, hiking, foraging, politics, space stuff, music, architecture, history, environment, and I love reading and learning about random things. I play pc games like rust, sons of forest, battlefield 2042, phas and dead island 2. I love all types of music and really love art and different forms of it. I’m a huge hater of capitalism lol. If any of this sounds interesting let’s chat I’m super outgoing and pretty funny!!

Explorers of Sky is a solid candidate for my favourite video game of all time, but it definitely isn’t without a few small blemishes and things that annoy me. I thought it could be fun to discuss some of the small bugbears that we have with the story, gameplay, and so forth in this otherwise excellent game. Not things which fundamentally destroy the gameplay experience for you, but things that manage to irritate you on each playthrough. The main ones which come to mind for me:

Partner AI: This is probably the most blatant problem, and the one which I hear about the most. Allies in this game are aggressively stupid for no reason, and plenty of things which should be the absolute bare minimum are locked behind IQ skills. Not stepping on visible traps should be the default, as should knowing not to use status moves when the target already has the bloody status condition. And why, for the love of all that is holy, is Weak-Type Picker not something that EVERY Pokémon gets?? Why is my Lv.60 partner with near-max IQ still spamming Thunderbolt on a Ground type? Let alone grasping concepts like not using Hypnosis on an Insomnia ‘mon. It’s frustrating, because it isn’t like giving allies better AI was beyond the technology of the time or something- it was a conscious dev decision to make allies stupid. Resultantly, you have to waste so much time micromanaging your teammates so they don’t get themselves killed that having a large team feels like a liability.
Renaming Allies: Very minor gripe here, but it really irritates me on every playthrough that there is no way to rename teammates besides evolving them. It always makes me feel put on the spot in dungeons, because either you come up with a clever nickname right that second, or your ‘mon is just going to be nameless forever. Alternatively, if you give a ‘mon you want to hold onto a stupid nickname, or misclick while naming, you’re done for. This is a feature that has been in the main series literally since Red and Green, and it would have been so easy to add a button that does this to the Assembly menu in Sky.
Egg/Tutor Moves: It’s a crying shame that there is zero way for Pokémon to acquire Egg moves, or even Tutor moves, beyond hatching from an egg with one. The Chansey daycare system isn’t a remotely engaging means of acquiring unique moves, because unlike in the main series you have virtually no autonomy over what ‘mons you’ll get, and what egg move they’ll have. You either get lucky and hatch a Chimchar with Thunderpunch, or you (more likely) don’t. Egg moves may as well not exist for how relevant they are to the average playthrough. Certain ‘mons are absolutely crippled by not having meaningful access to their best moves; Phanpy would be a really fun choice of starter if it could learn Earth Power and Ice Shard. Instead, it’s absolute dogwater with no usable STAB. Later games handle this far better, allowing the player to just pay a fee to learn these moves, and it honestly makes me glum how movepools are so comparatively limited in Sky.
Temporary Allies: Slight retread of my earlier point, but the temporary allies you get saddled with throughout the story are also pointlessly restricted. Why can’t I alter their tactics? I much prefer Go After Foes to Let’s Go Together, which just makes Grovyle and others much too passive to be useful. Plus, why can’t I toggle their moves? A very small issue I know, but it ultimately culminates in a significant problem when you’re tasked with keeping these burdens alive- Cresselia probably wouldn’t be half as infamous as she is if you could just tell her what to do instead of just watching as she gets herself killed.
Accuracy Nonsense: Why do moves randomly miss so often in this game? The main series is pretty good about setting most moves at 90%+ accuracy, and usually outright 100% for your standard options like Flamethrower. It removes a lot of pointless RNG from standard play, while allowing players to choose riskier, more rewarding options like Fire Blast if they so choose. Meanwhile in this game, basically nothing is completely safe. You can and will lose eminently winnable encounters because Bite decided it wanted to miss three times in a row. Oh, and if you got hit by Sand Attack once, or God forbid your opponent has Sand Veil/Snow Cloak up? Prepare for this bullshit. I’ve racked my brain trying to think of a gameplay justification for this change, and I just can’t. It just seems to be there for extra RNG.
Conflicting Abilities: I recently did a playthrough with Riolu, and noticed that it has both Steadfast AND Inner Focus. One boosts Speed upon being flinched (also when you’re cross-eyed, but how often does that happen?), and the other prevents flinching. Lucario, then, effectively has no ability. As funny as this is, it obviously shouldn’t be allowed to happen, especially on a super popular choice of starter Pokémon. I understand that the devs aimed to adapt the abilities and learnsets of the main series faithfully, but at a certain point you have to sacrifice fidelity for gameplay. They should have altered the abilities of ‘mons that got saddled with dud combos.
Perish Song: Perish Song exists. That is all.

Of course, there’s a lot of other random jank you can discuss with Sky’s battle system, like how options that are relatively unexceptional in the main series (eg. Mirror Move, Smokescreen) are godlike here for no reason. Not to mention the fuckery that is the Speed system, or Silver Wind/Ominous Wind having the potential to raise stats on EVERY HIT. But I honestly don’t mind these elements; I’m used to them at this point, and breaking the game wide open with Cyndaquil or Torchic is really fun. The tradeoff is that sometimes you’ll get unavoidably wiped by Porygon-Z hitting Agility two times in a row and then pressing the funny Discharge button, but that’s just Mystery Dungeon.

I’ve started seeing many Turks trying to claim Erbil as “Turkmen territory”, and they have started saying lies like “Kurds only came recently to Erbil”. I can understand an Assyrian claiming Erbil as theirs, but not Turks. I have heard similar things about kirkuk, but I’m not familiar with the history or situation there, so I’m not gonna speak about it. The funny thing is that my ancestor have lived in Erbil (in the main city) as long as we can trace which is more than 200 years. But the arguments I’ve seen are that Kurds only came around in the mid 1900, and that the main city was Turkmen majority. The thing is that the people they are trying to claim as “Turkmen” are actually Kurds who can speak Turkmen, I know this because I’m one of them. I don’t doubt that there maybe have been a few real Turkmens in Erbil, but they have never been a majority, especially not in the main city. From what I know from my family is that Erbil was under ottoman rule before Iraq existed and that the Kurds living there (even though they were allowed to still practice their language) had to learn Turkish, and that’s why many Kurds in the old parts of the city still can speak Turkmen, my family being one of them. So of course I get angry when they claim the city I’m from (who has never been “Turkmen majority” from what I know) as their own territory. But this isn’t even a hard thing to disprove, if you search up famous song writers and poets from Erbil (who lived before the mid 1900), you will see that they wrote things in either Kurdish or Turkmen, and they all still called themselves Kurds. One example being a guy named Mohammad Ahmed Erbili (singesongwriter). If they try to claim that the Turkmens have been assimilated in to being kurds there then that also would be stupid, because I know that there was a Jewish population that also used to live in Erbil and they were very close to the Kurdish population. And guess what, they also spoke Turkmen because they were forced to learn it under the Ottoman Empire. So if they claim that the Turkmen speaking Kurds are “assimilated Turkmens”, then that would also imply that the Jewish population that used to live in Erbil where Turkmens, and never have I heard that there exists such a thing as “Jewish Turkmens”. The Turkmens who I’ve seen claim to be from the main city from Erbil only immigrated recently because they don’t even speak the same type of Turkmen accent an Erbili would speak, ours is heavily mixed with sorani Kurdish. Hell, if you go and ask the supposed “Turkmens” who work in the old bazaar you will see that they are Kurds, I know this because half of them are either family or friends of mine. If anything it’s the ottomans who tried to assimilate the Kurds in Erbil, because I have cousins who don’t know our families history and think that they are Turkmens. They are only trying to claim it now because Erbil is highly successful, and I know for a fact that 90% of everything that is built in Erbil is by Kurds (excluding the ancient buildings like the citadel). Sorry I had to vent all these things somewhere.

You know what the best part is about playing Engineer in Team Fortress 2? You get to watch how angry everyone gets when they get shot by your sentry guns. Me and my best friend Jose both main Engineer, and can confirm that the best way to spend your Friday nights after school is to set up a sentry and get ready for the rage. There’s been matches where we haven’t even used our actual guns even once, but racked up lots of kills just because of the sentries.
One day Jose called me up with an idea that was either going to be the stupidest thing ever or the smartest thing ever. He wanted to fill an entire team with only Engineers and watch the chaos unfold. I couldn’t stop laughing at the mental image in my head and agreed with the plan. I joined a Discord server with everyone else on the team.
I convinced my cousin Matthew to join, and he in turn brought along his little brother Zack. According to Matthew, it took quite a bit of convincing because Zack was a Scout main who couldn’t stand Engineers. He eventually got through to his little brother by promising him a Steam gift card. I even got their dad Graham to play along (yes, I have an uncle who plays TF2. How cool is that?). Jose enlisted his friends, who turned into friends of friends and soon enough we had a team of 16 Engineers.
To say that we caused chaos that night was an absolute understatement. As soon as we joined the game the text chat was flooded with messages from the other team wondering what the hell was going on. And they only got worse from that point on. We surrounded our control points with a ring of sentries that people just kept running into. I saw keyboard smashes and heard other teen boys’ voices crack in rage and many, many words that I personally don’t care to repeat here.
The most skilled Engineer was this guy named Craig, who was a friend of one of Jose’s friends. Not only was he the main person capturing the enemy control points with some very strategically placed teleporters, but he was also really friendly and encouraging to all of us. I didn’t know what he looked like, but from his voice it sounded like he was in his early 20s.
Me and Craig started to chat more and more on Discord. He was a super nice guy who was also really fun to talk with. He took time out of his day to teach me how to be an even better Engineer player. Whenever someone started dissing me in the voice chat, he firmly told them to leave me alone. After seeing my fair share of toxicity in the TF2 community, it was nice to know that this complete stranger was looking out for me.
This whole Team Engineer thing became a weekly tradition for us on Friday nights. It was something everyone could look forward to after work or school. One time after everyone logged off and said their goodbyes, Craig sent a message a few hours later in our Discord:
“You guys gotta check this out. I found the weirdest server ever. It’s literally Engineer heaven. Meet me at vl_sentry.”
I was still in the mood to play and I could stay up late tonight, so I hopped back on TF2. I saw that Jose, Graham and this other girl we played with named Lynn were also online. I found vl_sentry and connected to the server. The map was called Valley of the Sentries and it was created by Valve.
It took my computer a little bit to process the map, and it took me even longer than that to process what I was seeing.
The map looked like a chessboard with 3D-sculpted hills. The sky was just pure white. Not even white walls, just the color white. Every square had a blue sentry on it and there were about 4 or 5 other Engineers jumping around, spamming their voice lines. That’s when I realized that we were the only ones there, and there was no red team.
“Hey Sean, glad you could make it :)” Craig said in the text chat. “What the hell is this?” I asked. He told me that this was a server that one of his friends showed him. The friend said he was introduced to the map by a friend of his who knew someone who worked at Valve. Craig then went on to explain that apparently Valley of the Sentries was an experiment to test the limits of the sentry guns and their effect on the servers. Rumor has it that the map is infinite.
“Check this out.” said Jose. He switched to Heavy and immediately got shot down. All of the sentries turned towards him. There were so many of them that it made the game lag a ton. He respawned as Engineer and the sentries just kept on spinning.
“WTF?” I typed. “We tried it with all the other classes and it does the same thing.” said Craig. “It ignores Engineers, but shoots everyone else.” Lynn added. “And that’s why we’re the best class. Engineer power!” Graham joked.
I asked what would happen if you were to play as Spy and sap one of the sentries. “I tried, but you gotta have a godly reaction time to activate it.” said Jose. As soon as he said “godly reaction time”, I knew I had to try it out just for the bragging rights.
Respawn. Shot down. Respawn. Shot down. Respawn. Shot down.
Yeah, I did not have a godly reaction time. The others kept spamming “lol” in the chat each time I failed. I got annoyed pretty quickly and stopped trying. Then out of nowhere, all the sentries turned away from me and started firing at someone. I turned around and all five of us were still standing there. I looked at the top bar that shows how many characters were in the game. There were only five Engineers and they were all on the same team. So what the hell were the sentries targeting?
I started to walk in the direction that the sentries were facing and Jose followed me too. We moved really slow, not only because of the sentries on every square but also the uphill climbs. It was just us two in the chat for a while, talking about seeing each other back at school on Monday while we made our slow walk across the map. Then our conversation was interrupted by a chat message from Lynn.
“Why is there a man in the sky?”
Me and Jose tried to get to Lynn to see what she was talking about as fast as possible, but we moved like snails. To get back to the spawn point, we both switched classes, instantly died and respawned as Engineers. I don’t think we respawned in the same place we started from. I don’t even know where we respawned. There were no landmarks or notable things to help you find your way. Just hills, valleys, and sentries.
I asked Lynn where she was and she just told me she was with Graham and Craig. Only that wasn’t very helpful because we didn’t know where they were either. We stood there, stumped for a minute and a half until Jose got an idea. He said that she should just switch classes and respawn, because then all of the sentries would point toward her and we could follow them all the way back to her. She made the switch, got shot down, and we instantly knew where to find her.
We finally got close enough to kind of make out the vague shape of a few Engineers over the non-existent horizon. Me and Jose were relieved, until all the sentries pointed to our right. I swiveled around and saw them open fire on…nothing. I checked with Jose to see if he caught something I didn’t, but he also didn’t see what they were shooting at. I decided that it wasn’t that important and continued to walk towards the rest of the group.
We met up with Lynn, Craig and Graham, disappointed that we made that trek all for nothing. Even though we were all together now, it just felt so lonely. The only sound coming from my computer was the constant beeping of the sentries in perfect sync. I don’t know why, but it made me so uneasy. I attempted to break the silence by going to the voice lines and playing the iconic Engineer “Nope” soundbite. It echoed across the checkered land with no response.
It was about 12:30 AM at this point and I was starting to feel more and more unsettled with each passing minute. There was just something about this black and white world that I felt creeped out by. Before Craig invited us to come over, there was no one else on the server. Who would even want to play on this map, anyways? It’s so unfairly balanced that only one class can survive. Movement speed was super slow, and you can’t even really do anything except watch the sentries turn and turn and turn forever. It was like hypnosis, except I didn’t feel sleepy or relaxed at all.
Speaking of being sleepy, Jose said he was getting tired and was going to be logging off. We all said goodbye to him and continued chatting amongst ourselves. It sounds stupid, but my stomach dropped when I saw the fifth Engineer portrait disappear. One less person to talk to. One less person to keep myself from wondering what else was out here. I could have sworn that after he left, the beeping got louder.
“So is this map actually infinite?” asked Graham. “Only one way to find out.” Craig said. “Just keep on walking and see if it goes on forever.” “Why don’t you just fire a shotgun and see how far it goes?” Lynn suggested.
I took out the shotgun and fired. The bullet flew off into the white distance and disappeared.
Then I heard the distinct sound of someone getting shot.
A message appeared in the chat, from someone named sentry_check_pattern.
“sentry_check_pattern: stop that”
Once again I looked at the top bar. It just showed four blue Engineers. That meant we were the only ones on the server. Or so we thought.
The chat was flooded with our confusion, almost as if everyone realized at the same time that something wasn’t right. None of us moved an inch.
“What even is this place?” I asked, hoping that the mysterious user would provide me with an answer. “Must be Engineer heaven.” said Graham.
“sentry_check_pattern: more like my personal hell”
This was the moment that made me trust my intuition. I knew there was a reason why I found this map so creepy. I wanted to leave the server, but there was just one thing keeping me back- my own curiosity. My wish to unveil the mysteries of the Valley of the Sentries.
“Okay this is really freaking me out. See ya guys.” said Lynn before she left the server. The fourth Engineer’s portrait disappeared from the top bar.
No no no, please. Please don’t go. Don’t leave us. I wouldn’t want to be alone here. Now there’s just three of us, and I really hope that number doesn’t go down anymore. When the others were here, this was just a weird TF2 map that we were exploring together as friends. And now it feels like we’re trapped in this infinite world, but we aren’t alone. The only problem is we don’t know what else is here.
I shuddered, imagining Craig and Graham ditching me and leaving me all alone in the Valley of the Sentries. Just me and whoever- no, whatever was talking to us.
“sentry_check_pattern: you don’t know how good you have it
you can leave at any time
i can’t”
This terrified me. What a horrible thought, never being able to leave this place. But of course, no one could really be trapped here. It’s a Team Fortress 2 server. You can just exit the game and shut your computer. No one could be trapped in a video game.
But if you think about it, aren’t the characters themselves trapped? They can’t leave the game. They’re characters. They don’t even know they’re in a game. You or the computer controls all their actions. They don’t have free will. And if you’re bad at the game, they’ll just keep dying over and over again.
Wait, why was I thinking about this?
I carefully considered what I wanted to say next in the chat. Whatever I said could either answer all my burning questions or leave me asking more. But sentry_check_pattern talked first.
“sentry_check_pattern: i was made for one purpose
to die over and over again”
Oh my god. It was like this person read my mind and knew exactly what I was thinking about. Who or what was I talking to? I turned all the way around to make sure that no one else was there. It was just the two blue Engineers standing behind me. Just Graham and Craig. And that man with the checkered skin.
Startled, I asked my friends if they saw what I saw. It took them a second, but both of them confirmed that yes, there was indeed something else there. A basic male model with the same chessboard texture as the map. Graham immediately started to shoot at him. Nothing. It just went straight through him.
“sentry_check_pattern: you can’t kill what’s already been killed millions of times over
valve made that mistake too
every company has that one failed project they don’t talk about
and that’s me”
Whoever was behind this weird account was talking crazy. The Team Fortress 2 developers were very open about everything like fixing their glitches and bugs. They always posted things on the official blog about the development process. They’re so open about their failures and always promise to fix them.
“Stop with the weird stuff. We just wanted to know what the deal is with this server and the weird chess guy. Do you know anything about it?” Graham asked in the text chat.
“sentry_check_pattern: know anything?
you’re not very bright, graham
none of you are
do you not realize where you are and what you’re talking to”
Something about the way sentry_check_pattern used Graham’s name gave me goosebumps. I didn’t know what I was talking to. I didn’t even think I wanted to know at this point.
“sentry_check_pattern: this is one of valve’s test servers
i’m the texture they use to check if the sentries work
read between the lines”
“Quiet, NPC.” Craig said. I laughed a little bit to fight off the awkward tension. Then I reminded myself that I was talking to a video game character, no- not even a character. A blank character model. A texture.
“sentry_check_pattern: just because i’m a character model doesn’t mean i can’t feel pain
open fire”
The sentries all swiveled around to face the man and shot at him. He kept falling to the ground, turning white and standing back up in the same position.
“sentry_check_pattern: cease fire”
All of the sentries stopped shooting and just went back to spinning around, their beeps echoing in the air.
“sentry_check_pattern: ready to see what i’ve been through for over a decade?
open fire”
Before any of us could react, the sentries opened fire on Craig all at once. He kept dying, but he didn’t explode the way you’re supposed to when you die in TF2. He just dropped to the floor, turned white, and respawned over and over again. There was no death scream. I tried to type something else in the chat but the game lagged so much that my typing just ended up as a string of random letters that meant nothing. Craig tried to type something out too. It just ended up as “wwwwwwwwwwthisishowitfeelswwwwwwwww” Then the game crashed and my computer shut down.
I hyperventilated. Then I laughed at myself for hyperventilating over a stupid computer game. It was Team Fortress 2 for god’s sake. That game with all the memes and goofy jokes. Stupid, stupid Sean. Scared of a character model. Jose would never let me live it down. I just laughed and laughed to push the fear away.
I closed my laptop and took out my phone to rewatch all of my favorite TF2 animations for the millionth time. As if they weren’t already the funniest things in the world, I forced myself to laugh even harder than usual. Every time I saw the Engineer, I couldn’t help but look at the reflection in his goggles. The reflection of an endless map of black and white squares.
Thankfully, nothing bad happened to my game, account or laptop. The next day I just went right back to playing and enjoying the rage coming from all the people who ran right into my sentries.
Team Engineer was still a thing, but it was never really the same. We played together a lot less frequently. It was still a lot of fun, but I felt a change that I couldn’t really describe.
We found out that Craig had lost all progress on his TF2 account. Everyone gifted him all his favorite cosmetics and we all pooled our money together to get him a Steam gift card. He video called us, crying at our kindness. It was the first time I ever even saw his face. He was a lot older than most of us. If I had to guess an age, I’d say somewhere around 30. He had black bangs and was wearing a TF2 shirt. His room was dark, only lit by his glowing computer screen. He thanked us repeatedly and even tried to return the gift card, but we were all adamant that he should keep it.
Speaking of Craig, we still kept in touch but he didn’t talk to me as much anymore. Any time I tried to ask him about vl_sentry, he ignored me for a few days.
The other day, I got some postcards from my cousin Matthew. He was very academic and happened to be studying at a private high school about 9 hours away from where I live. All of his postcards were pictures of him making funny faces with all his friends at favorite school activities like robotics, debate team, and chess club.
I looked at the chess club photo closely. Matthew and his friends were standing in front of a chessboard with a mirror on the wall. And for a split second, I could have sworn that the chessboard looked different in the mirror. It looked warped, like it wasn’t a flat board anymore. Like it almost had hills and valleys. No, it couldn’t be. I rubbed my eyes. There, in the mirror was a checkered man. I knew it was there. I swear on my mother’s life that there was another person in that photo. And then it was gone. Maybe the picture was just printed badly. But I had to make sure my eyes were right.
So I brought the postcard to school with me and I showed Jose. I asked him if he saw the checkered man in the mirror. He said no. But that wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. That was the answer I hoped I wouldn’t hear. I asked him again. He said no again. Then I asked him another time. He said I was being annoying. So I asked another one of my friends. He said no too. So I moved on to yet another friend. He told me to stop.
I angrily clutched the postcard in my hand, crumpling it. I was the only one that saw what was really there. Everyone else was lying to me. They refused to see the truth.
I screamed and ripped up the postcard. I stomped on its pieces. I rubbed them in the dirt for good measure.
Somewhere in the distance, I heard the sound of electronics beeping.
It rang in my ears.
It was weirdly comforting to me.
You can leave the Valley of the Sentries. But the valley will never leave you.

Funny typed symbols

Linguistics Humor