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2019.06.21 21:58 LostTheGameOfThrones Who Hurt You Music
WhoHurtYou is a dark pop project started between Jack Barakat and Kevin Fisher with the purpose of healing from heartbreak and turning a negative experience into something positive.
2015.03.09 00:47 HadToHurt
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2016.05.20 18:12 HolyFad Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby.
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2024.06.01 14:11 -Coffeeman- My girlfriend [20F] has stopped feeling any kind of love to me [20M]. Should I break up or should I wait for her love to come back?
Sorry, this is going to be a long one and I bet some of you will say "this is typical inexperienced young people relationships stuff, I've seen millions of these before". But this situation is making me live the worst days of my life.
Before reading this, some information about our relationship. Honesty is key, and we never lie to each other. No matter how much it hurts we always tell the truth. And I trust that she doesn't lie, she doesn't do some kind of evil plans behind my back. She acts how she feels. Now to the main part.
I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4,5 months. This is how it started. We fell in love We are going to the same university. What we had was beautiful. We went out on dates and we enjoyed each others company. One month later, (December 2023) she started to act strange. One day she was loving and caring and interested in talking to me, another day she just wasnt there. She never texted me, replied very shortly and late. This damaged me a lot because unlike her, I loved her so much. She would actively avoid me sometimes. In the same month, for a few days things were going great, and on one day, me being a bit drunk, I confessed. She didnt know what to say. She said she needed time. We talked about this situation, she said it was something about her parents and her sense of love being corrupt. She said she couldn't feel love. She asked for time, I provided her that. Her therapy seemed to help and then the genuine, stable romance started in January 2024. We were now a proper couple. We loved each other so much. We were truly happy. There were small times where her cold, unloving side showed up, but just for a few days and I supported her and it went away.
In May 2024, something horrible has happened. She went cold. And this one is going on for about 3 weeks now. She is still cold. She doesn't love me, doesn't care about me. She told me it started after her therapist started talking about her relationship with her father. After that, she couldn't feel a connection to anyone, me included. I tell her how much she hurts me but she says she genuinely doesn't understand how she hurts me. I tell her how the way she doesn't care hurts me so much. I tell her how I am so sad that I feel paralyzed. I tell her I still love her. She says she feels like it will pass. But there is no progress and every day I wait for her love to come back, I die inside some more.
A few days ago we met in person. I told her the situation I am in. I told her how sad I am. She suggested to take a break from the relationship for my own sake. She told me she really didn't want to take a break but if it made me feel better to forget about her, she said it was an option. I told her that the last weeks have been the worst weeks of my life, and the situation between us isn't really improving. So I told her a break could be worth a try. We talked for hours that day. I told her that I want to make this relationship work, but she hurts me so much that I am starting to question if I should wait for her love to come back or break up. Upon hearing this, she started crying. She said she didn't know why she was crying. I hugged her. And then she wanted to kiss me one last time before the break. We did. The break only lasted 2 days because I changed my mind. I thought it was not right to cut the communication when the relationship was already not good.
Now the present moment. She is still the same. We agreed to meet up today, to talk about things, the reason why she went cold, and stuff. But her university students club (something about medical research and social activities) had a meeting today, she just learned this information and she said we could meet up tomorrow. I told her is this how little you care about me? Even in the situation I am in could you not make time for me? She told me she was neglecting the club for so long and it would make her sad if she misses this. I am starting to hate her. I don't know what to do. Even in this situation she chose something else instead of me. Even though she knows how hurt I am. So should I leave her, or wait for her?
TLDR; My girlfriend stopped feeling any kind of love towards me, doesn't care about me and this hurts me immensely. Should I give up on the relationship or should I wait until her love comes back?
submitted by -Coffeeman- to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Before reading this, some information about our relationship. Honesty is key, and we never lie to each other. No matter how much it hurts we always tell the truth. And I trust that she doesn't lie, she doesn't do some kind of evil plans behind my back. She acts how she feels. Now to the main part.
I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4,5 months. This is how it started. We fell in love We are going to the same university. What we had was beautiful. We went out on dates and we enjoyed each others company. One month later, (December 2023) she started to act strange. One day she was loving and caring and interested in talking to me, another day she just wasnt there. She never texted me, replied very shortly and late. This damaged me a lot because unlike her, I loved her so much. She would actively avoid me sometimes. In the same month, for a few days things were going great, and on one day, me being a bit drunk, I confessed. She didnt know what to say. She said she needed time. We talked about this situation, she said it was something about her parents and her sense of love being corrupt. She said she couldn't feel love. She asked for time, I provided her that. Her therapy seemed to help and then the genuine, stable romance started in January 2024. We were now a proper couple. We loved each other so much. We were truly happy. There were small times where her cold, unloving side showed up, but just for a few days and I supported her and it went away.
In May 2024, something horrible has happened. She went cold. And this one is going on for about 3 weeks now. She is still cold. She doesn't love me, doesn't care about me. She told me it started after her therapist started talking about her relationship with her father. After that, she couldn't feel a connection to anyone, me included. I tell her how much she hurts me but she says she genuinely doesn't understand how she hurts me. I tell her how the way she doesn't care hurts me so much. I tell her how I am so sad that I feel paralyzed. I tell her I still love her. She says she feels like it will pass. But there is no progress and every day I wait for her love to come back, I die inside some more.
A few days ago we met in person. I told her the situation I am in. I told her how sad I am. She suggested to take a break from the relationship for my own sake. She told me she really didn't want to take a break but if it made me feel better to forget about her, she said it was an option. I told her that the last weeks have been the worst weeks of my life, and the situation between us isn't really improving. So I told her a break could be worth a try. We talked for hours that day. I told her that I want to make this relationship work, but she hurts me so much that I am starting to question if I should wait for her love to come back or break up. Upon hearing this, she started crying. She said she didn't know why she was crying. I hugged her. And then she wanted to kiss me one last time before the break. We did. The break only lasted 2 days because I changed my mind. I thought it was not right to cut the communication when the relationship was already not good.
Now the present moment. She is still the same. We agreed to meet up today, to talk about things, the reason why she went cold, and stuff. But her university students club (something about medical research and social activities) had a meeting today, she just learned this information and she said we could meet up tomorrow. I told her is this how little you care about me? Even in the situation I am in could you not make time for me? She told me she was neglecting the club for so long and it would make her sad if she misses this. I am starting to hate her. I don't know what to do. Even in this situation she chose something else instead of me. Even though she knows how hurt I am. So should I leave her, or wait for her?
TLDR; My girlfriend stopped feeling any kind of love towards me, doesn't care about me and this hurts me immensely. Should I give up on the relationship or should I wait until her love comes back?
2024.06.01 14:07 CarlosdosMaias Meridia amazing moment, ruined by gameplay
Hey fellow Helldivers! I just wanted to share some thoughts.
This MO is supposed to be a big deal in the narrative.
We, together as a community, established the TCS Towers on Meridia, back when it was a normal planet, a beautiful lush jungle, uncorropted by the Terminid menace. It used to be a beacon of Liberty.
Dropping down on this new Meridia, this Meridia corrupted by the Terminids, felt like a whole new experience! The vile Terminids fiercer than ever before, defending this new Kepler Prime of theirs! Meridia´s whole atmosphere is amazing! A truly epic and cinematic moment!
But......
You can tell the mission itself wasnt ready at all. Overall I´d say we have 2 big problems with the MO´s mission:
1- Bugs spawning/used to spawn ON the Dark Fluid Drills, destroying them effortlessly.
2- Second objetive not activating at all. You get little to no EXP per mission, since the mission is incomplete, and EXP is translated to Lib %. The fact that this mission came out broken, hurts our efforts.
The Shriekers at the end, I honestly like. To me they arent a problem....this is the Super Colony reacting to us. But it should have 100% been handled differently.
This should have been, from the start a suicide mission. You go in, deploy the Dark Fluid, and you have no option to extract. Once the mission is completed, Super Earth thanks you for your service and abandons you (as if the mission timer had expired, you have no reinforcements left) all you can do now is survive as long as you can (translates to rewards).
I feel like how Meridia came out gameplay wise..... ruined the Meridia experience.
submitted by CarlosdosMaias to Helldivers [link] [comments]
This MO is supposed to be a big deal in the narrative.
We, together as a community, established the TCS Towers on Meridia, back when it was a normal planet, a beautiful lush jungle, uncorropted by the Terminid menace. It used to be a beacon of Liberty.
Dropping down on this new Meridia, this Meridia corrupted by the Terminids, felt like a whole new experience! The vile Terminids fiercer than ever before, defending this new Kepler Prime of theirs! Meridia´s whole atmosphere is amazing! A truly epic and cinematic moment!
But......
You can tell the mission itself wasnt ready at all. Overall I´d say we have 2 big problems with the MO´s mission:
1- Bugs spawning/used to spawn ON the Dark Fluid Drills, destroying them effortlessly.
2- Second objetive not activating at all. You get little to no EXP per mission, since the mission is incomplete, and EXP is translated to Lib %. The fact that this mission came out broken, hurts our efforts.
The Shriekers at the end, I honestly like. To me they arent a problem....this is the Super Colony reacting to us. But it should have 100% been handled differently.
This should have been, from the start a suicide mission. You go in, deploy the Dark Fluid, and you have no option to extract. Once the mission is completed, Super Earth thanks you for your service and abandons you (as if the mission timer had expired, you have no reinforcements left) all you can do now is survive as long as you can (translates to rewards).
I feel like how Meridia came out gameplay wise..... ruined the Meridia experience.
2024.06.01 14:07 ArgumentSilly8095 trans ocd or denial - can't find anything similar on the subreddit
Hi everyone,
I wanted to share my experience and hear your thoughts.
I am a cis (hopefully) woman in her early 30's, lesbian who was a tomboy growing up, until puberty. While growing I was (a bit) made fun of because of my deeper voice and not super girly / feminine features & behaviours (wanting to play football / having male friends). I was couple of times mistaken for a boy which led me to a big distress / anxiety and thinking / deep wish that "i would rather be the most unattractive girl than be mistaken for a boy".
The constant "you are like a boy", "you look like a boy" (also coming from my family in a rather accusatorial manner) left some unpleasant memories but i eventually grew out of them (i thought). Until i was 19 or 20 years old that problem did not really exist for me but then i moved to another country and stared my studies.
I worked in a bar in a queer area and despite that bar not being queer, it was next door to a place which was mostly ran and attended by transgenders (absolutely no phobia here it just to highlight the context of the neighbourhood). Because of that bathe area in general a lot of women including me were a few times (often for fun) misgendered, yet it happened to me way more often than to others. For me it was mostly because of my voice and height and sharper features, for my other female (and i would never question their identity) colleagues, i am not even sure what caused it. This happened so many times that while i denied and repressed that memory it created my social anxiety.
I do want to mention that after my tomboyish phase in childhood i considered my appearance as a regular girl (not super feminine with nails done + hills though:). I enjoy activities related to both genders, i finally feel good in dresses, i like to feel attractive and overall embrace my feminine "energy". While these gender conforming aspects sound silly, i was happy as i struggled with feminity in addition to accepting that i am a lesbian.
I recently realised that most of my life, wherever i would go i would be afraid that someone thinks I'm a man or transgender because of how i look and sound, i would sometimes be afraid to go to the bathrooms, afraid to use my voice as it's too deep. Of course me being misgendered rarely happened (maybe 5-10 times in the last 10 years). Now on top of that when someone addresses me as a girl or miss i immediately feel the "relief" as being misgendered hurt me quite a lot in the past and would hurt immensely if it happened right now. I want to be honest and do say that if i don't put effort into my looks i could look a bit androgynous, which i try to accept and stop wishing for more feminine features as i always did.
How my ocd started?
I was having one of my compulsive episodes and was googling "how can i be more feminine", of course one of the posts that popped up was a transgender forum or a reddit thread, from there it went downhill. From me fearing to be mistaken for a man i started to worry that i actually am a man. It started in november during a rather stressful period with work, went away and now while im having a burnout it came with even stronger strength.
There are moments when i laugh about it but there are also moments of a racing heart and me thinking that im denial, that im not comfortable with my pronouns and even my body. Even though my only fear and worry before was to have more feminine features/aura. I often have a voice in my head saying "you are a man" and that voice looks like it's always on the back of my mind. I try to imagine myself as a guy and seriously cannot, that thought gives me a lot of distress and worry and anxiety but also that maybe im in "denial". I do not even know how to tackle it, because despite my features and voice which weren't really up to me i can't think of one reason why i should be a guy nor i know how one should feel like "a guy". Still the thoughts are very distressing until they pass.
And then on days when i feel good about myself, im not stressed, i dress up for dinner or parties, wear makeup and jewellery and feel attractive i want to laugh at the thoughts that couple of days before seemed so real.
i was wondering if anyone struggled with such a train of thoughts? I am in therapy, was diagnosed with ocd and anxiety before and struggling with worries and fears about so many topics. Because every other topic resolves, my brain jumps to this one because i know that i can never know 100% as it's my inner dialogue, not a problem with a deadline at work or a doctor's appointment that will eventually pass. Lastly, my current therapist said that i do not have ocd (i have not discussed that issue in detail with her because of shame), which made me even more anxious as before i rationalised my thoughts as TOCD.
Thanks:)
submitted by ArgumentSilly8095 to asktransgender [link] [comments]
I wanted to share my experience and hear your thoughts.
I am a cis (hopefully) woman in her early 30's, lesbian who was a tomboy growing up, until puberty. While growing I was (a bit) made fun of because of my deeper voice and not super girly / feminine features & behaviours (wanting to play football / having male friends). I was couple of times mistaken for a boy which led me to a big distress / anxiety and thinking / deep wish that "i would rather be the most unattractive girl than be mistaken for a boy".
The constant "you are like a boy", "you look like a boy" (also coming from my family in a rather accusatorial manner) left some unpleasant memories but i eventually grew out of them (i thought). Until i was 19 or 20 years old that problem did not really exist for me but then i moved to another country and stared my studies.
I worked in a bar in a queer area and despite that bar not being queer, it was next door to a place which was mostly ran and attended by transgenders (absolutely no phobia here it just to highlight the context of the neighbourhood). Because of that bathe area in general a lot of women including me were a few times (often for fun) misgendered, yet it happened to me way more often than to others. For me it was mostly because of my voice and height and sharper features, for my other female (and i would never question their identity) colleagues, i am not even sure what caused it. This happened so many times that while i denied and repressed that memory it created my social anxiety.
I do want to mention that after my tomboyish phase in childhood i considered my appearance as a regular girl (not super feminine with nails done + hills though:). I enjoy activities related to both genders, i finally feel good in dresses, i like to feel attractive and overall embrace my feminine "energy". While these gender conforming aspects sound silly, i was happy as i struggled with feminity in addition to accepting that i am a lesbian.
I recently realised that most of my life, wherever i would go i would be afraid that someone thinks I'm a man or transgender because of how i look and sound, i would sometimes be afraid to go to the bathrooms, afraid to use my voice as it's too deep. Of course me being misgendered rarely happened (maybe 5-10 times in the last 10 years). Now on top of that when someone addresses me as a girl or miss i immediately feel the "relief" as being misgendered hurt me quite a lot in the past and would hurt immensely if it happened right now. I want to be honest and do say that if i don't put effort into my looks i could look a bit androgynous, which i try to accept and stop wishing for more feminine features as i always did.
How my ocd started?
I was having one of my compulsive episodes and was googling "how can i be more feminine", of course one of the posts that popped up was a transgender forum or a reddit thread, from there it went downhill. From me fearing to be mistaken for a man i started to worry that i actually am a man. It started in november during a rather stressful period with work, went away and now while im having a burnout it came with even stronger strength.
There are moments when i laugh about it but there are also moments of a racing heart and me thinking that im denial, that im not comfortable with my pronouns and even my body. Even though my only fear and worry before was to have more feminine features/aura. I often have a voice in my head saying "you are a man" and that voice looks like it's always on the back of my mind. I try to imagine myself as a guy and seriously cannot, that thought gives me a lot of distress and worry and anxiety but also that maybe im in "denial". I do not even know how to tackle it, because despite my features and voice which weren't really up to me i can't think of one reason why i should be a guy nor i know how one should feel like "a guy". Still the thoughts are very distressing until they pass.
And then on days when i feel good about myself, im not stressed, i dress up for dinner or parties, wear makeup and jewellery and feel attractive i want to laugh at the thoughts that couple of days before seemed so real.
i was wondering if anyone struggled with such a train of thoughts? I am in therapy, was diagnosed with ocd and anxiety before and struggling with worries and fears about so many topics. Because every other topic resolves, my brain jumps to this one because i know that i can never know 100% as it's my inner dialogue, not a problem with a deadline at work or a doctor's appointment that will eventually pass. Lastly, my current therapist said that i do not have ocd (i have not discussed that issue in detail with her because of shame), which made me even more anxious as before i rationalised my thoughts as TOCD.
Thanks:)
2024.06.01 14:07 RamiRustom 💘 Helping People Before and After Leaving Islam 💘 June 2024 (46 new posts & videos)
📢 DON'T MISS THE LAUNCHING OF 'UNITING THE CULTS' ON JUNE 14TH 12PM CDT
Mark your calendars for the 'Uniting The Cults' livestream event on the 50th anniversary of Feynman's 'Cargo Cult Science' speech. Signup for email updates/reminders here & here's the livestream link!Uniting The Cults' is a non-profit whose purpose is to be an agent of cultural change with a vision of a world without apostasy laws.. a world governed by scientific thinking, where people recognize love as the goal and rationality as the method to achieve it. Our brothers and sisters need our help. They're living in fear, unable to speak for themselves.. so we must speak for them. Here's how you can support your brothers and sisters suffering in fear... 💘
➡️ Dear doubting Muslims
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2024.06.01 14:07 Narrow-Reference3496 Tried to euthanize my fish and failed
Hi everyone. I'm a beginner at looking after fish. I made a big mistake this Thursday, and I seriously hurt my fish.
He's an orange cherry barb, and I noticed what was a cut on it's stomach. By Thursday he had a horrific looking gash across his stomach with white parts protruding. I was horrified so I picked up the phone, called the nearby aquatics centre and I told the call handler that my fish had a massive cut on his stomach and that it's intestines were sticking out.
He told me that it sounded unlikely that the fish could be helped and that I should think about using clove oil to put him to sleep.
So I added one drop of clove oil diluted in warm water. He started thrashing and looked like it was in tremendous amounts of pain. I couldn't go through with it, put the fish in a jar and took him to the local pet store, told them what happened and begged for help. Turns out the white stuff protruding from his stomach were worms. I'm guessing the open wound is where the worms have eaten through? IDK.
Anyway, he's now in a small separate tank. I feel guilty for putting clove oil on him. I'm trying to keep him comfortable as possible - I don't know what the clove oil did to him and the stomach wound looks horrible.
The pet store staff said the water he is in quote "the PH is a bit high but it's not terrible." I've bought a product to bring the PH down but it doesn't arrive until Monday. I was thinking about replacing the tank water with bottled water in case it doesn't survive until Monday. I read online that this was a bad idea.
I'd appreciate any suggestions right now. Thanks so much.
submitted by Narrow-Reference3496 to TropicalFish [link] [comments]
He's an orange cherry barb, and I noticed what was a cut on it's stomach. By Thursday he had a horrific looking gash across his stomach with white parts protruding. I was horrified so I picked up the phone, called the nearby aquatics centre and I told the call handler that my fish had a massive cut on his stomach and that it's intestines were sticking out.
He told me that it sounded unlikely that the fish could be helped and that I should think about using clove oil to put him to sleep.
So I added one drop of clove oil diluted in warm water. He started thrashing and looked like it was in tremendous amounts of pain. I couldn't go through with it, put the fish in a jar and took him to the local pet store, told them what happened and begged for help. Turns out the white stuff protruding from his stomach were worms. I'm guessing the open wound is where the worms have eaten through? IDK.
Anyway, he's now in a small separate tank. I feel guilty for putting clove oil on him. I'm trying to keep him comfortable as possible - I don't know what the clove oil did to him and the stomach wound looks horrible.
The pet store staff said the water he is in quote "the PH is a bit high but it's not terrible." I've bought a product to bring the PH down but it doesn't arrive until Monday. I was thinking about replacing the tank water with bottled water in case it doesn't survive until Monday. I read online that this was a bad idea.
I'd appreciate any suggestions right now. Thanks so much.
2024.06.01 14:07 Then-Difficulty911 Job Pay, What to do?
I recently got hired at this job and i've been working there for a week and im supposed to get paid $400 but i never set up any type of direct deposit or anything, but two days ago they sent me home because my background check is taking longer than usual, and i know there's nothing on my background check and it should be cleared, but just in case my background check doesn't clear in time for my employer to call me back, should i still get paid for that week i worked and if so what should i do? (btw background check still didn't clear) UPDATE (3-4 weeks later): I still haven't been paid, I asked on monday am i going to get paid and then he asked "Is it your 2nd friday or 3rd friday" then i said 3rd not counting the week I was out due to background check. I then got sick on thursday and he said "Feel better. Make sure your sharing that with me after you see the doctor" I didn't reply then later on he replies to my message saying this "Whenever we aren't feeling our best, we need to ask ourselves if we are hurt or injured. If you were in my position and running the office, what would you do?" I answered by saying depending on how sick I am. So i text him this morning because im still sick and I asked about my pay check then he says "Let's get on the phone in the afternoon to revisit the discussion" but i dont see anything to talk about Ive worked over 160 hours and not a single pay check. What should I do now? (I posted this again because I dont know how reddit works when it comes to editing, I am a real person)
submitted by Then-Difficulty911 to legal [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 14:06 mxsalv Non accepting parents
hi, Happy Pride Month everyone! hope all is going well for you guys. Here's my situation: I've been in a very committed ldr with this beautiful girl for 2 years. She is pansexual and I am trans & pansexual. I'm very feminine presenting at the moment, but I still don't identify as a woman. we plan on moving together in maybe 2-3 years. She is moving to my state to be closer to me and my family. I do plan on presenting as more masculine in the future but I do not want to look fully male, more so gender neutral. but recently, we talked about our parents. neither of us is out but my mom is more accepting even though it's not exactly in her religious belief. but I know for a fact that she would love me the same and get used to it as long as im happy. my girlfriend's mother on the other hand is not so accepting.. she has had a talk with my girlfriend about gay/trans people and told her that not only would she kick her out but she would disown her. A lot of people would say "Maybe she shouldn't be in our lives then!" but im very family-oriented and my girlfriend can't accept not being in her mom's life anymore. it would crush me if I was the reason my girlfriend and her mom didn't have a relationship anymore. I would feel like I've pulled her away from them. I want to meet her mom and be introduced as her husband sooner or later. im scared of meeting her family bc of this. I would be shaky and I know I would be talked down on. my girlfriend has told me im her everything and she would be willing to go so far as to be with me, but she wouldn't tell her mom about her being gay (even if married). She would just say she's in a relationship but not with who. She said it is to save me from what her mom and family would say about me (it's not only her mom who is homophobic). My girlfriend doesn't want anyone to hurt my feelings. she is very careful with them and would defend me as much as she possibly can, even with family. But I wouldn't meet her family.. not only that but I couldn't bring her mom flowers and all I'd planned to do. although it hurts my feelings a bit, I understand and want her to be with her mom forever :( . my question is, has anyone been in this situation too, and fixed it? what can I do with it? is it a way I can keep our relationship, her and her mom's relationship, and start me and her mom on a good note? or is it just a lost cause? I'm considering all situations even if it's hard to hear, thank you for reading.
submitted by mxsalv to lgbt [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 14:06 PresentationRare485 Friends, now ignored
Hi all, just hoping to gain some insights. I know everyone is different and you can't generalise, but if you were in my situation, what would you do?
I am a female. There is this guy at work, we met when he had just been separated (maybe about 5-7 months). We managed to connect quite quickly. He'd share a lot of what had happened, why his marriage broke down etc. I could tell he was hurting so I was there as a friend. It was probably a mistake because in truth, I was interested in this person. We hung out at work and after work almost every day soon after. He would text day and night, from good morning to good night. He then decided that he needed to go on dates (he's in his late thirties and feels as though if he didn't get to find someone now, he would never find anyone). He told me when the date was going to be, quite often this would be in his house, where he would cook meals for the girls. Once he found someone of my nationality, he told me he spent hours talking to her and that he was so nervous to meet her. At this point in time, I was baffled. In a way, I understand that he is only taking me as a friend but to me, there was a room for more so I removed myself from that, knowing I'd just hurt with him telling me all about these girls he went on dates with and stuff. We had a big fight in February. He was disappointed he didn't get to pick me up from the airport like what was softly planned before. I felt as though, following this incident, that we had a hard time dealing with our times apart. He then met another girl (shortly after said incident), his best friend/brother in law had introduced him to his colleague. They've now gone on dates and I think had made it more or less exclusive between them. He refused to talk to me about her because I quite often would say "so cute", "I'm glad you're happy", "she's changed you"; he said he wasn't sure about the relationship (and legally, he was still married) and just didn't want to hear any of those. Recently, I needed him to be present for me, which he failed to do. I have since found out that he had been ignoring me. Left my messages unread but would respond to others (neurotic, I know, but that active status on Messenger can really make or break). I confronted him about it, he said he didn't know he'd gone. He did that again today. Can someone tell me what happened? Is this usually a guy's way of saying leave me alone? I told him he can tell me that, though, plainly; and that I'd appreciate that better than being ignored.
What would you do if you were in my situation? Forgive and forget because I've been thinking too much, or do I let it go completely, break the friendship and pretend we had never known each other ever?
TLDR: friends but now ignored, what does this mean?
Thank you all if you've read this post this far and thank you in advance for all your insights!
submitted by PresentationRare485 to relationships [link] [comments]
I am a female. There is this guy at work, we met when he had just been separated (maybe about 5-7 months). We managed to connect quite quickly. He'd share a lot of what had happened, why his marriage broke down etc. I could tell he was hurting so I was there as a friend. It was probably a mistake because in truth, I was interested in this person. We hung out at work and after work almost every day soon after. He would text day and night, from good morning to good night. He then decided that he needed to go on dates (he's in his late thirties and feels as though if he didn't get to find someone now, he would never find anyone). He told me when the date was going to be, quite often this would be in his house, where he would cook meals for the girls. Once he found someone of my nationality, he told me he spent hours talking to her and that he was so nervous to meet her. At this point in time, I was baffled. In a way, I understand that he is only taking me as a friend but to me, there was a room for more so I removed myself from that, knowing I'd just hurt with him telling me all about these girls he went on dates with and stuff. We had a big fight in February. He was disappointed he didn't get to pick me up from the airport like what was softly planned before. I felt as though, following this incident, that we had a hard time dealing with our times apart. He then met another girl (shortly after said incident), his best friend/brother in law had introduced him to his colleague. They've now gone on dates and I think had made it more or less exclusive between them. He refused to talk to me about her because I quite often would say "so cute", "I'm glad you're happy", "she's changed you"; he said he wasn't sure about the relationship (and legally, he was still married) and just didn't want to hear any of those. Recently, I needed him to be present for me, which he failed to do. I have since found out that he had been ignoring me. Left my messages unread but would respond to others (neurotic, I know, but that active status on Messenger can really make or break). I confronted him about it, he said he didn't know he'd gone. He did that again today. Can someone tell me what happened? Is this usually a guy's way of saying leave me alone? I told him he can tell me that, though, plainly; and that I'd appreciate that better than being ignored.
What would you do if you were in my situation? Forgive and forget because I've been thinking too much, or do I let it go completely, break the friendship and pretend we had never known each other ever?
TLDR: friends but now ignored, what does this mean?
Thank you all if you've read this post this far and thank you in advance for all your insights!
2024.06.01 14:03 AdditionalWar8759 Rachel Goes Rogue Podcast: Episode from June 1st, “Chapter 28: Going Rogue Isn’t Easy”
***ads play and podcast starts at 1:47
Intro (Timestamp: 1:47) - Rachel: Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Leviss. Today, we are talking about part three of the Vanderpump Rules reunion. - Rachel: It has finally come to an end, season 11. It's been a long time coming, and we're here to react. I have my producers with me, and as usual, they will be asking me some questions to get my perspective on what we just watched during the reunion.
Well, first of all, I want to start off with asking you just your overall thoughts on the reunion, watching it. How do you feel? (Timestamp: 2:19) - Rachel: Overall, I just feel tired at this point. I don't enjoy watching this show, and (Rachel starts to get emotional) I'm just happy that it's over. It was good that they didn't talk about me very much this last episode, part three. - Rachel: That's great, but it's been really difficult watching each week. And I feel like I can finally start to move on from all of this, because it's been really difficult. It was really heavy and sad. - Rachel: And I think everyone on that cast is struggling. And I would be too if I was there. I mean, I'm struggling just watching it from the sidelines, so I can only imagine what it's like being on that stage.
So you're getting really emotional right now. Where is this emotion coming from? (Timestamp: 3:28) - Rachel: It's coming from a place of feeling like I haven't had much room to go. Feeling like stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to speak. Because this entire time, I have been preparing for them to slander my name, to paint me in the worst light. - Rachel: And my goal with this podcast was to be able to represent myself, to defend myself, to share what I've learned through my time that I took away and my recovery, and just to shed more light on the situation. - Rachel: And it hasn't been easy. It's been an extreme rollercoaster of emotions in a lot of different phases, getting sucked back into it, and then feeling like all consumed by all the comments and everything, and then completely cutting off communication with the outside world and living in my own reality in the moment. It's all about that balance, and it has not been easy to move on. - Rachel: I don't think it's been easy for any of the cast to move on rehashing it and talking about it and having other people tune in. It's not typical. It's not normal. And the day has finally come that the show, season 11, is over, and it's a relief to me because I don't have to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. - Rachel: I don't have to think about what lies they're going to spread about me, and I don't have to think about what I need to defend myself about. And then following week, I feel like I can finally start to live my life again.
And so you're kind of talking about the boundaries that you've been setting by staying away and cutting people off, which obviously boundaries was a really big topic at the reunion. You obviously set some really strong ones by not returning to the show. What's your take on this discussion of boundaries? Do you agree with Lala or do you side more with Ariana when it comes to boundaries when it's in regard to filming the show? (Timestamp: 5:40) - Rachel: I could see both of their points of view. Setting a boundary for yourself is not an easy thing to do. And when other people are upset that you set a boundary for yourself, that's usually a telltale sign that that person is using you in some way and is not happy that you have this new boundary because it's not serving them. - Rachel: So, I can see why Ariana upholded her boundaries by not speaking to Tom, even though she actually did film with Tom this whole season, or for the later part anyway. But she refused to have that conversation with Tom at the end of the show, and I commend her for it because it would have been a fake conversation. You could tell that Tom, his only motive to having that conversation with her is for camera purposes and storyline purposes. - Rachel: Therefore, it's not an authentic conversation. It would have been crocodile tears, the whole thing. And I completely understand Ariana walking away. I walked away too, and people weren't happy about that either. - Rachel: For Lala's point of view, I can understand her perspective in wanting to have a good TV show for her livelihood and the longevity of her career. If you're going to commit to filming, then I can see why Lala is upset, because you are not only committing to filming with this person, I can see her point in that she is living under the same roof as Tom. - Rachel: They're living together, they're filming together, yet in Lala's eyes, Ariana is being stubborn by not filming with Tom, or that one scene. Who even cares about that one scene? I don't know. - Rachel: It's all so silly to me, but boundaries are important. I was in a place where I didn't have boundaries, and I was really trying to appease production and put on a good show. That became my priority season 10.
And where do you think the line needs to be drawn, you know? When at the end of the day, this is a paycheck and this is a job, versus this is someone's real life. You've talked a lot about wanting to live in reality. Where do you think that line should be drawn? (Timestamp: 8:32) - Rachel: I think that's an impossible question to answer when you're filming a reality TV show, because the line is so blurry, it's impossible to know what's real and what's not. And the more I'm out of it, the clearer I can see that. We see it with Tom Sandoval when he talked about production. - Rachel: He did the New York Times article, and he stopped talking mid sentence when a plane flew over or a truck drove by, whatever it was, because the audio, typically when we're filming a show and a plane flies by, you stop talking so that the audio can pick up normally without the distraction in the background. - Rachel: So it's like programmed in your mind to think a certain way, to act a certain way, to talk a certain way, to pursue certain things, where it becomes a part of your patterning. We also see the lines get blurred with Scheana and the comment section, and what is real life and what is not, what is her own true motivation for doing certain things, and what is influenced by outside commentary. - Rachel: That gets so blurry, and when you're all consumed in the perception of yourself, how can you really be sure that you're operating from a place of an inner knowing? That's a boundary that's blurred. With Lala, she clearly prioritizes the success of the show because she wants to secure her paycheck, and when people are setting boundaries for themselves and it's conflicting with what she wants and what is successful in her eyes, that sparks an anger within her. - Rachel: And it's all fabricated to a certain point because the bottom line is this show. So, I think it truly is impossible to live a real life and be on a reality TV show.
So, do you think it's fair for Lala to direct that anger towards Ariana? Or do you think she should be directing it more towards the show? (Timestamp: 11:12) - Rachel: Oh, no, not at all. I don't think that it's fair that Lala is directing that anger towards Ariana because Ariana has been very clear with her boundaries since the very beginning and…
I guess if she's feeling this way, do you think maybe she should have upheld her boundaries more if she was feeling so resentful towards someone doing the same? Do you think she's feeling like she regrets things that she had said in the past? (Timestamp: 11:35) - Rachel: I think she did uphold her boundaries. I think that she feels like she hasn't been supported the same way that Ariana is being supported. And it's probably not a good feeling, but she maneuvered differently than Ariana has. And Lala doesn't extend the same empathy towards others. So it's harder to support her, I believe.
She does make a point to say, many times, that she feels like things are not being honest on camera. She points out Tom and Ariana’s relationship being one of those things. Katie has a flashback moment where she also calls it out. Do you agree that things are not always honest on camera? (Timestamp: 12:12) - Rachel: Totally. Yeah. I think the point that Lala is making is that Tom and Ariana haven't been honest about their relationship on camera. - Rachel: And I think people are getting caught up in Lala being hypocritical because she wasn't honest about her relationship with Randall. Okay, yes, that might be true. But the point is that Tom and Ariana haven't been good for quite some time. - Rachel: And their relationship that was portrayed on camera for fans to see was not an accurate representation of their relationship. I see the frustration because I agree with that too.
Even on your part, how does it affect you as someone on the show when people aren't fully honest on camera? How does that affect the rest of the cast? (Timestamp: 13:21) - Rachel: Yeah, it affects everyone when people aren't fully honest on the show. I mean, I wasn't fully honest the season 10 reunion. I was still covering up for Tom Schwartz. - Rachel: I was still covering up for Tom Sandoval. I was still going along with that narrative, and it would have been much better to just be open and honest about it. But of course, Tom was like, no, that wouldn't be good for business. - Rachel: It wouldn't be good for Schwartz and Sandys if people knew that the Schwartz kiss wasn't authentic and we need that to seem real. So it does affect everyone when you're not being honest, because it portrays a certain picture that isn't reality, and the whole point of reality TV supposedly is to be real, following these real people's lives. - Rachel: So honesty would be like the most important value characteristic you would think that everyone on this show should have. But it seems like nobody does.
Well, speaking of honesty, Ariana kind of called out Tom and his motives behind wanting to apologize on camera. He finally does get that moment during the reunion to apologize to Ariana. He has some words when he does, he calls the affair something he regrets every day. He says that he wears it like a badge of shame. On your end, how did that feel watching that? (Timestamp: 14:46) - Rachel: It's hard to tell if Tom is being honest or not. Even in the Secrets Revealed episode, when he was asked how many girls he had sex with since me, and he had to pause and think about if he was going to be honest or not, he's just been caught in so many lies that it's hard to tell if he's being truthful. - Rachel: But hearing Tom say that he regrets getting involved with me every single day, I regret it too, so it is a little bit painful, but it's also like maybe something is registering for him. - Rachel: I don't know. But then again, his actions speak a lot louder than his words. He knows what words to say, and then it seems that he fails to follow through with meaningful action. And that's where true amends come into play.
There was just, I feel like, a lot of pain in the room all around. You kind of acknowledged that at the beginning of this episode. What do you think that this pain, and even Lala saying that she was okay seeing some of those friendships end, what do you think that means for the future of this group? (Timestamp: 16:07) - Rachel: I don't see much of the future for this group. It looks pretty shattered. It looks like these friendships are not healthy friendships. - Rachel: The dynamic between Lala and Scheana is not a healthy dynamic. It seems to be like a power imbalance. It seems like Scheana is trying to appease Lala to make sure she's secure, and she's getting certain needs met in that friendship because Ariana hasn't been around for Scheana the way that she's used to. - Rachel: Yeah, you could tell that Scheana’s struggling with coping with that. It seems like Lala's really on a wavelength of not effing with anybody on the cast right now. It seems like her friendship with Katie isn't strong because Katie's gotten really close with Ariana. - Rachel: It seems like even her friendship with Scheana is a little rocky. I think she sees Scheana as someone that's not...How do I want to say this? - Rachel: And I hate saying this word, because I don't want to like categorize somebody as something, especially because I've been called this before too. But I think seeing how Lala reacted to everything and how Scheana was trying to be the fixer and appease Lala, and it just didn't seem like enough for Lala. I think Lala sees Scheana as someone who is weak, perceived weakness. - Rachel: I'm not saying that Scheana is weak. And I think that there's a lot of alliances and manipulation happening, and none of that is healthy for our friendship dynamic. I can see why the show is taking a hiatus, because it just seems so fractured
Well, it definitely seems like at the very end of the episode, Scheana was very sure to get that last word in. I felt like she was looking directly at Lala and almost begging for her to hear her out that she was on her side. And it really did seem like the very end, Scheana had to choose. Is she Team Ariana or Team Lala? Do you think she made the right choice? Do you think she needed to make a choice, or do you think that she's putting this pressure on herself? (Timestamp: 18:21) - Rachel: Ooh, that's a good question. I think she feels a lot of pressure from the outside perspective, and she doesn't want to, obviously, like burn bridges with Ariana or anything. And I think Ariana has been very gracious towards Scheana. Do I think that she needed to choose sides? I don't think so. I don't know. - Rachel: I can see Lala's frustration probably because I'm sure Sheena and Lala have had conversations about the whole situation. And without Ariana there, I'm sure Sheena's singing a much different tune than what we're hearing at the reunion, and that's sparking some frustration in Lala. And I'm sure that was a similar feeling when she called out Katie about it too. - Rachel: So yeah, I think that Lala feels pretty isolated, I want to say, in her feelings. And now that it's aired, and I did check Reddit for the first time in a very, very long time, it seems like the majority of people are hating on Lala right now. I'm human. - Rachel: I do hold some resentment towards Lala for the way that she's treated me over the years. I do empathize with her a little bit because all the hate online is just a little bit ridiculous. And I think also people are afraid to speak a differing opinion than the team Ariana side because people are just ruthless online and they don't want to hear a differing opinion. - Rachel: And if you do, then you get shunned out, too. It's very, my therapist calls it tribal shaming, where if you're not following the rules of the tribe, spoken or unspoken, then you're cast out and you're shunned.
***ads play and podcast resumes at 23:24
I mean, it does feel like the fans have had more of an impact on this season than ever. Would you agree with that? (Timestamp: 23:24) - Rachel: Yeah, especially because as they were filming this show, the fans were boots on the ground. We're going to production, we're going to filming, and we're going to take photos and document what we saw and all that stuff. Like it was very interactive in a way. - Rachel: I think with after show this year, it was a little bit different because some things have changed since the ending of filming last summer. One of the things was me starting my own podcast and speaking freely about my experience and my opinion and the after show gave the cast an opportunity to rebut what I was saying and it provided more of a context. - Rachel: And I think with more time passing from the end of filming last summer to, you know, early January, February of this year, when they filmed the after shows, cast dynamics shifted because as we all know, now watching the finale, Lala and Ariana did not end on a good note whatsoever. - Rachel: And so, you know, she had some choice of words to say during the after shows. And it seemed like she really got Sheena to support her with that.
Speaking about the fracturing of this cast, something about her did recently open. Not many cast members were in attendance to this opening. What's your take on that? (Timestamp: 24:56) - Rachel: Interesting. Do you know who went? - iHeart Lady: I know Schwartz went - Rachel: It seems a little telling that maybe Sheena and Lala aren't on the best terms with Ariana right now, because they went to like the Broadway opening that Ariana did for Chicago. And they also went to Dancing with the Stars. But this is all before they knew that she didn't watch the show. And so that was all before the reunion and everything. So yeah, it seems like maybe they're not on the best of terms right now.
What are your thoughts on production holding the last five minutes until the reunion to show to everyone? (Timestamp: 25:47) - Rachel: I wonder if they got word that Ariana wasn't watching the season. And they did that as a way to ensure that they would get a reaction from her, kind of like forcing her hand a little bit, forcing her into a situation that she did not want to be in. It was very strategic in that way. And it was something new. Like, we've never done that before. It was creative, for sure, on production's part.
Do you think it was fair to Ariana? (Timestamp: 26:27) - Rachel: There's a commitment, and part of that is watching the show and having an opinion on what's happening besides your own story that you're sharing. So in a way, it's like ensuring that Ariana did have an opinion on it. So very eye opening, to say the least.
I want your take on Tom's final words. He says, I love it. It's good for me. A lot of people in the room were very shocked by that. Tom even has a reaction to it, where he shakes his head no. They didn't even really press him on what he meant by that either. What's your take on all of that? (Timestamp: 26:49) - Rachel: I wish they pressed him on what he meant by that a little bit more. And Ariana was pretty much the only person that called him out on it too. She caught it. - Rachel: She was like, that exactly proves my point, that you are doing things for the audience, for the production value, and for his own story purposes. I guess in Tom's eyes, having Ariana refuse to film and walk off was good for him because he felt like he completed his job and fulfilled his duty with what production was asking from him. And Ariana was not. - Rachel: And I think selfishly, he probably thought that it would give him a better chance of having more of a redemption story. - Rachel: Because, ultimately, production is the one picking and choosing what they're going to share on the show and edit and put certain music behind certain scenes to make it seem even more of a certain way. Tom knows how to play into that. But I would have loved to hear what his explanation for that comment would be.
Why do you think they didn't press him? (Timestamp: 28:34) - Rachel: I think that they're protecting him, like they always have been.
We did see something interesting at the very end with Lisa stepping up and taking Ariana's side, which is kind of a different tune. You've talked about this before, where she seems to protect the guys a lot of the time, but then she changes her tune at the very end of the episode and takes Ariana's side. What are your thoughts on that? (Timestamp: 28:39) - Rachel: I think Lisa is very strategic with what she puts out there as well. And she knows what people are saying about her, with her always supporting the guys. So that could have been a motivation behind her changing her tune and supporting Ariana in that way. Yeah, I don't know. It's hard because I think also Lisa is very aware of who the fan favorites are. It's her show. - Rachel: She's an executive producer on this show. So she's not a dummy when it's coming to that. I think it helps her if she is supporting Ariana because she'll praise Ariana for walking away and end up holding her boundaries. - Rachel: But then when it comes to me, I don't even remember what she said about me. But when it comes to me walking away and setting a boundary for myself, I've been told that I'm a coward and I'm running away from my problems. - Rachel: So that part for me gets a little frustrating because it's like, and also the fans praising Ariana for upholding her boundaries and walking away and supporting her and telling her like, you know, she's outgrown this show. - Rachel: She should move on and do something even better with her life. And she's finding out now that these aren't her true friends and like good for her for upholding her boundaries and walking away from this situation. And I've done the same thing and it has been met with scrutiny.
Lala compares her situation with Randall to Ariana a lot throughout this reunion. Do you think the two are similar at all? (Timestamp: 30:37) - Rachel: I don't think that the relationship that Lala had with Randall is comparable to the situation that Tom and Ariana were in. It's hard to get on Lala's side with some of the things that she's saying, because the way that she spoke about her relationship with Randall is like bragging about doing BJs for PJs and getting gifted a Range Rover very early in their relationship and not being honest about who she was seeing and the situation that was happening basically. And it just seemed like she was in it for the money and like to secure her success and fame. - Rachel: So it's hard to get behind that, especially when she's been so outright about it. Unfortunately, Randall wasn't the stand up guy that she was selling him to be. We weren't buying it. - Rachel: In Ariana's case, viewers got to see that relationship develop over the years, whereas with Lala's, he wasn't around, like it was secret for a while. And, you know, it's harder to develop feelings towards a person or a relationship when you're not seeing it play out on camera. I think Lala has a lot of anger, maybe even towards herself, for the situation that she allowed herself to be in. And I think she might be taking that out on Ariana.
How hard is it to be really honest when you're in this position? And do you think certain cast members have an easier time doing this? (Timestamp: 32:22) - Rachel: So this is like where your own values come in. Like, are you an honest person or are you not? Because there are people in this cast that are not, and we know who they are, and they have no problem lying, and it doesn't bother them when they lie. - Rachel: And for me, I'm working towards living a more authentic, honest life. And part of that is being honest with my emotions, thoughts, and feelings, and expressing that, and doing that in a way that is still respectful, because I'm not trying to hurt people in the process. And I am trying to express myself honestly and be true to myself. - Rachel: So I think it just depends on who you're asking. I mean, it's definitely not easy. It's definitely hard because you're on this platform, this public arena where you're opening yourself up to scrutiny. - Rachel: And if other people have differing opinions than you do, or if your opinion is the minority, you're basically going to be harassed and scrutinized. And so sometimes for people, it's easier to not be fully honest with their thoughts and feelings in order to save face or in order to go with more popular opinion because it's perceived to be safer that way. But I don't know. - Rachel: At this point, it's like your words aren't going to hurt me. You can say whatever you want to say about me online, and I've survived this far. So whatever else you say about me is not going to affect me any more than it already has. - Rachel: I've developed thick skin through this process, and I've come to the point where I value my friendships that are real in the sense of I interact with these people in real life. I care more about people's perception of me when they actually meet me and interact with me and the vibes I give off that way. So you get to a certain point where it's almost your duty to show up for yourself and be honest with how you feel and how you think about a certain thing in that moment. - Rachel: And your opinions can change with time too and with more information. It's not like I'm going to say this one thing and I'm always going to feel this way. It's always changing, it's always developing, we're always getting more information, and we're always experiencing new things that change our perspective on life. - Rachel: So it's just your duty to represent yourself in the most authentic way so that your people will find you.
***ads play and podcast resumes at 38:08
Well, I think there was one kind of shining moment, I'll say, even though it was a really emotional moment. But the moment between, and this is a little bit of a pivot, but the moment between Schwartz and Katie, I found really interesting, where Andy was asking about their relationship. It seemed like this season, they had a little bit more of a playful dynamic. But Schwartz gets really emotional, saying that he doesn't regret how their relationship ended. But you can kind of see in his eyes that he tears well up. He gets really emotional. What did you make of that moment? (Timestamp: 38:08) - Rachel: We don't think we've really seen a moment like that between Tom, Schwartz, and Katie. It really seems like they've come to terms with how the relationship ended, and that it was for the best. But it seemed like there was a lot of fond memories and just appreciation for one another, that I don't think I've really seen that dynamic between them before. - iHeart Lady: To me, it seemed like in a season where there was a lot of hurt, that seemed like the one moment of maybe seeing two people that are going through the process of healing. - Rachel: Viewing that, it did seem like they were both coming from a place of healing, because they weren't throwing insults at each other or trying to bring each other down. It was very respecting one another and appreciating the moments that they did have together while it lasted. And that's refreshing to see on this show.
Lala said something at the very end where she said it was really hard for her to show up to season nine reunion, I believe it was. You know, she didn't want to talk about certain things, but she showed up. Ariana said the same thing where she could say the same about the season 10 reunion. She didn't want to be there. You could probably say the same thing about the season 10 reunion. You didn't want to be there as well. Is it fair to say everyone's been in a position where they didn't want to be somewhere, but they did anyway? (Timestamp: 39:44) - Rachel: 100%. Yeah, totally. And that's like the part of committing to this show. It's a commitment. And even though you don't quite know what you're signing up for, you know that it's not going to be necessarily easy. And there's a challenge in that. - Rachel: And I think, just speaking for myself, there was an opportunity for growth for me in that. Yeah, I think we've all been in a situation where we didn't want to show up for something and felt, I don't think obligated is the right word, but we made a commitment to being there, and we followed through with our commitment. And it's hard.
You started this episode off by acknowledging that there was a lot of healing that this cast needs to do. As someone who has taken a step back from filming, you've had this time to kind of come back to your own reality. What can this cast expect when you have that moment to kind of breathe and have that separation and you rejoin reality for a minute? (Timestamp: 41:07) - Rachel: Oh, okay. That is a loaded question. Because I think that there's a little bit of fear with not being the current topic of conversation. - Rachel: I think addiction is the wrong word, but there's a little bit of the dopamine hits that you get when you're being talked about on a reality TV show and the fear of that going away permanently could be a scary thing. But taking time off and re-centering with yourself, I think is like the best thing for this cast right now, because we don't want to be forced into situations that we don't want to be in. That's not living an authentic life. - Rachel: I mean, I've been worrying about scenes and storylines, and I haven't even been a part of this show, but now it feels good not to worry about that. And I do have to say, just like reading all the comments on Reddit right now, it's like hardly anybody is talking about me, which is a great feeling. It's just so much more freeing when you're not living your life for somebody else's entertainment anymore. - Rachel: It just feels like you get your life back a little bit. It's so complex, and I think it's hard to understand if you haven't been through being on a TV show for millions of people to comment on and judge your life. I don't think humans are meant for that, and there's no way that that's healthy. - Rachel: Yeah, I said that I think the cast, we have a lot of healing to do. We, as in, I still do too, and part of that is coming back to reality. And I really don't think that we've had a minute this whole season. I think it's going to be good for everyone.
Has this year though felt different to you? I feel like you're like half in, half out (Timestamp: 43:42) - Rachel: Oh, yeah, it's felt so different. But I think like a large part of that has to do with going to the meadows and really reconnecting with myself and learning about my issues and how it was showing up for me and really coming to terms with like, what is this piece of external validation and how is that motivating me? And is it even real? - Rachel: And just like really re centering back into myself and gaining a lot more perspective with that. Without the meadows, I would not be where I am right now. There's no freaking way. So it is. I'm living a new life. I really am. - Rachel: And I feel like I haven't really been able to truly have the opportunity to live my new life to the fullest because this show has been holding me back. And I know that that's partially my fault too because I'm indulging and speaking about it, but I'm really looking forward to the days when I can truly move forward and evolve into something even more magnificent.
Outro (Timestamp: 45:02) - Rachel: Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Goes Rogue Podcast.
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Intro (Timestamp: 1:47) - Rachel: Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Leviss. Today, we are talking about part three of the Vanderpump Rules reunion. - Rachel: It has finally come to an end, season 11. It's been a long time coming, and we're here to react. I have my producers with me, and as usual, they will be asking me some questions to get my perspective on what we just watched during the reunion.
Well, first of all, I want to start off with asking you just your overall thoughts on the reunion, watching it. How do you feel? (Timestamp: 2:19) - Rachel: Overall, I just feel tired at this point. I don't enjoy watching this show, and (Rachel starts to get emotional) I'm just happy that it's over. It was good that they didn't talk about me very much this last episode, part three. - Rachel: That's great, but it's been really difficult watching each week. And I feel like I can finally start to move on from all of this, because it's been really difficult. It was really heavy and sad. - Rachel: And I think everyone on that cast is struggling. And I would be too if I was there. I mean, I'm struggling just watching it from the sidelines, so I can only imagine what it's like being on that stage.
So you're getting really emotional right now. Where is this emotion coming from? (Timestamp: 3:28) - Rachel: It's coming from a place of feeling like I haven't had much room to go. Feeling like stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to speak. Because this entire time, I have been preparing for them to slander my name, to paint me in the worst light. - Rachel: And my goal with this podcast was to be able to represent myself, to defend myself, to share what I've learned through my time that I took away and my recovery, and just to shed more light on the situation. - Rachel: And it hasn't been easy. It's been an extreme rollercoaster of emotions in a lot of different phases, getting sucked back into it, and then feeling like all consumed by all the comments and everything, and then completely cutting off communication with the outside world and living in my own reality in the moment. It's all about that balance, and it has not been easy to move on. - Rachel: I don't think it's been easy for any of the cast to move on rehashing it and talking about it and having other people tune in. It's not typical. It's not normal. And the day has finally come that the show, season 11, is over, and it's a relief to me because I don't have to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. - Rachel: I don't have to think about what lies they're going to spread about me, and I don't have to think about what I need to defend myself about. And then following week, I feel like I can finally start to live my life again.
And so you're kind of talking about the boundaries that you've been setting by staying away and cutting people off, which obviously boundaries was a really big topic at the reunion. You obviously set some really strong ones by not returning to the show. What's your take on this discussion of boundaries? Do you agree with Lala or do you side more with Ariana when it comes to boundaries when it's in regard to filming the show? (Timestamp: 5:40) - Rachel: I could see both of their points of view. Setting a boundary for yourself is not an easy thing to do. And when other people are upset that you set a boundary for yourself, that's usually a telltale sign that that person is using you in some way and is not happy that you have this new boundary because it's not serving them. - Rachel: So, I can see why Ariana upholded her boundaries by not speaking to Tom, even though she actually did film with Tom this whole season, or for the later part anyway. But she refused to have that conversation with Tom at the end of the show, and I commend her for it because it would have been a fake conversation. You could tell that Tom, his only motive to having that conversation with her is for camera purposes and storyline purposes. - Rachel: Therefore, it's not an authentic conversation. It would have been crocodile tears, the whole thing. And I completely understand Ariana walking away. I walked away too, and people weren't happy about that either. - Rachel: For Lala's point of view, I can understand her perspective in wanting to have a good TV show for her livelihood and the longevity of her career. If you're going to commit to filming, then I can see why Lala is upset, because you are not only committing to filming with this person, I can see her point in that she is living under the same roof as Tom. - Rachel: They're living together, they're filming together, yet in Lala's eyes, Ariana is being stubborn by not filming with Tom, or that one scene. Who even cares about that one scene? I don't know. - Rachel: It's all so silly to me, but boundaries are important. I was in a place where I didn't have boundaries, and I was really trying to appease production and put on a good show. That became my priority season 10.
And where do you think the line needs to be drawn, you know? When at the end of the day, this is a paycheck and this is a job, versus this is someone's real life. You've talked a lot about wanting to live in reality. Where do you think that line should be drawn? (Timestamp: 8:32) - Rachel: I think that's an impossible question to answer when you're filming a reality TV show, because the line is so blurry, it's impossible to know what's real and what's not. And the more I'm out of it, the clearer I can see that. We see it with Tom Sandoval when he talked about production. - Rachel: He did the New York Times article, and he stopped talking mid sentence when a plane flew over or a truck drove by, whatever it was, because the audio, typically when we're filming a show and a plane flies by, you stop talking so that the audio can pick up normally without the distraction in the background. - Rachel: So it's like programmed in your mind to think a certain way, to act a certain way, to talk a certain way, to pursue certain things, where it becomes a part of your patterning. We also see the lines get blurred with Scheana and the comment section, and what is real life and what is not, what is her own true motivation for doing certain things, and what is influenced by outside commentary. - Rachel: That gets so blurry, and when you're all consumed in the perception of yourself, how can you really be sure that you're operating from a place of an inner knowing? That's a boundary that's blurred. With Lala, she clearly prioritizes the success of the show because she wants to secure her paycheck, and when people are setting boundaries for themselves and it's conflicting with what she wants and what is successful in her eyes, that sparks an anger within her. - Rachel: And it's all fabricated to a certain point because the bottom line is this show. So, I think it truly is impossible to live a real life and be on a reality TV show.
So, do you think it's fair for Lala to direct that anger towards Ariana? Or do you think she should be directing it more towards the show? (Timestamp: 11:12) - Rachel: Oh, no, not at all. I don't think that it's fair that Lala is directing that anger towards Ariana because Ariana has been very clear with her boundaries since the very beginning and…
I guess if she's feeling this way, do you think maybe she should have upheld her boundaries more if she was feeling so resentful towards someone doing the same? Do you think she's feeling like she regrets things that she had said in the past? (Timestamp: 11:35) - Rachel: I think she did uphold her boundaries. I think that she feels like she hasn't been supported the same way that Ariana is being supported. And it's probably not a good feeling, but she maneuvered differently than Ariana has. And Lala doesn't extend the same empathy towards others. So it's harder to support her, I believe.
She does make a point to say, many times, that she feels like things are not being honest on camera. She points out Tom and Ariana’s relationship being one of those things. Katie has a flashback moment where she also calls it out. Do you agree that things are not always honest on camera? (Timestamp: 12:12) - Rachel: Totally. Yeah. I think the point that Lala is making is that Tom and Ariana haven't been honest about their relationship on camera. - Rachel: And I think people are getting caught up in Lala being hypocritical because she wasn't honest about her relationship with Randall. Okay, yes, that might be true. But the point is that Tom and Ariana haven't been good for quite some time. - Rachel: And their relationship that was portrayed on camera for fans to see was not an accurate representation of their relationship. I see the frustration because I agree with that too.
Even on your part, how does it affect you as someone on the show when people aren't fully honest on camera? How does that affect the rest of the cast? (Timestamp: 13:21) - Rachel: Yeah, it affects everyone when people aren't fully honest on the show. I mean, I wasn't fully honest the season 10 reunion. I was still covering up for Tom Schwartz. - Rachel: I was still covering up for Tom Sandoval. I was still going along with that narrative, and it would have been much better to just be open and honest about it. But of course, Tom was like, no, that wouldn't be good for business. - Rachel: It wouldn't be good for Schwartz and Sandys if people knew that the Schwartz kiss wasn't authentic and we need that to seem real. So it does affect everyone when you're not being honest, because it portrays a certain picture that isn't reality, and the whole point of reality TV supposedly is to be real, following these real people's lives. - Rachel: So honesty would be like the most important value characteristic you would think that everyone on this show should have. But it seems like nobody does.
Well, speaking of honesty, Ariana kind of called out Tom and his motives behind wanting to apologize on camera. He finally does get that moment during the reunion to apologize to Ariana. He has some words when he does, he calls the affair something he regrets every day. He says that he wears it like a badge of shame. On your end, how did that feel watching that? (Timestamp: 14:46) - Rachel: It's hard to tell if Tom is being honest or not. Even in the Secrets Revealed episode, when he was asked how many girls he had sex with since me, and he had to pause and think about if he was going to be honest or not, he's just been caught in so many lies that it's hard to tell if he's being truthful. - Rachel: But hearing Tom say that he regrets getting involved with me every single day, I regret it too, so it is a little bit painful, but it's also like maybe something is registering for him. - Rachel: I don't know. But then again, his actions speak a lot louder than his words. He knows what words to say, and then it seems that he fails to follow through with meaningful action. And that's where true amends come into play.
There was just, I feel like, a lot of pain in the room all around. You kind of acknowledged that at the beginning of this episode. What do you think that this pain, and even Lala saying that she was okay seeing some of those friendships end, what do you think that means for the future of this group? (Timestamp: 16:07) - Rachel: I don't see much of the future for this group. It looks pretty shattered. It looks like these friendships are not healthy friendships. - Rachel: The dynamic between Lala and Scheana is not a healthy dynamic. It seems to be like a power imbalance. It seems like Scheana is trying to appease Lala to make sure she's secure, and she's getting certain needs met in that friendship because Ariana hasn't been around for Scheana the way that she's used to. - Rachel: Yeah, you could tell that Scheana’s struggling with coping with that. It seems like Lala's really on a wavelength of not effing with anybody on the cast right now. It seems like her friendship with Katie isn't strong because Katie's gotten really close with Ariana. - Rachel: It seems like even her friendship with Scheana is a little rocky. I think she sees Scheana as someone that's not...How do I want to say this? - Rachel: And I hate saying this word, because I don't want to like categorize somebody as something, especially because I've been called this before too. But I think seeing how Lala reacted to everything and how Scheana was trying to be the fixer and appease Lala, and it just didn't seem like enough for Lala. I think Lala sees Scheana as someone who is weak, perceived weakness. - Rachel: I'm not saying that Scheana is weak. And I think that there's a lot of alliances and manipulation happening, and none of that is healthy for our friendship dynamic. I can see why the show is taking a hiatus, because it just seems so fractured
Well, it definitely seems like at the very end of the episode, Scheana was very sure to get that last word in. I felt like she was looking directly at Lala and almost begging for her to hear her out that she was on her side. And it really did seem like the very end, Scheana had to choose. Is she Team Ariana or Team Lala? Do you think she made the right choice? Do you think she needed to make a choice, or do you think that she's putting this pressure on herself? (Timestamp: 18:21) - Rachel: Ooh, that's a good question. I think she feels a lot of pressure from the outside perspective, and she doesn't want to, obviously, like burn bridges with Ariana or anything. And I think Ariana has been very gracious towards Scheana. Do I think that she needed to choose sides? I don't think so. I don't know. - Rachel: I can see Lala's frustration probably because I'm sure Sheena and Lala have had conversations about the whole situation. And without Ariana there, I'm sure Sheena's singing a much different tune than what we're hearing at the reunion, and that's sparking some frustration in Lala. And I'm sure that was a similar feeling when she called out Katie about it too. - Rachel: So yeah, I think that Lala feels pretty isolated, I want to say, in her feelings. And now that it's aired, and I did check Reddit for the first time in a very, very long time, it seems like the majority of people are hating on Lala right now. I'm human. - Rachel: I do hold some resentment towards Lala for the way that she's treated me over the years. I do empathize with her a little bit because all the hate online is just a little bit ridiculous. And I think also people are afraid to speak a differing opinion than the team Ariana side because people are just ruthless online and they don't want to hear a differing opinion. - Rachel: And if you do, then you get shunned out, too. It's very, my therapist calls it tribal shaming, where if you're not following the rules of the tribe, spoken or unspoken, then you're cast out and you're shunned.
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I mean, it does feel like the fans have had more of an impact on this season than ever. Would you agree with that? (Timestamp: 23:24) - Rachel: Yeah, especially because as they were filming this show, the fans were boots on the ground. We're going to production, we're going to filming, and we're going to take photos and document what we saw and all that stuff. Like it was very interactive in a way. - Rachel: I think with after show this year, it was a little bit different because some things have changed since the ending of filming last summer. One of the things was me starting my own podcast and speaking freely about my experience and my opinion and the after show gave the cast an opportunity to rebut what I was saying and it provided more of a context. - Rachel: And I think with more time passing from the end of filming last summer to, you know, early January, February of this year, when they filmed the after shows, cast dynamics shifted because as we all know, now watching the finale, Lala and Ariana did not end on a good note whatsoever. - Rachel: And so, you know, she had some choice of words to say during the after shows. And it seemed like she really got Sheena to support her with that.
Speaking about the fracturing of this cast, something about her did recently open. Not many cast members were in attendance to this opening. What's your take on that? (Timestamp: 24:56) - Rachel: Interesting. Do you know who went? - iHeart Lady: I know Schwartz went - Rachel: It seems a little telling that maybe Sheena and Lala aren't on the best terms with Ariana right now, because they went to like the Broadway opening that Ariana did for Chicago. And they also went to Dancing with the Stars. But this is all before they knew that she didn't watch the show. And so that was all before the reunion and everything. So yeah, it seems like maybe they're not on the best of terms right now.
What are your thoughts on production holding the last five minutes until the reunion to show to everyone? (Timestamp: 25:47) - Rachel: I wonder if they got word that Ariana wasn't watching the season. And they did that as a way to ensure that they would get a reaction from her, kind of like forcing her hand a little bit, forcing her into a situation that she did not want to be in. It was very strategic in that way. And it was something new. Like, we've never done that before. It was creative, for sure, on production's part.
Do you think it was fair to Ariana? (Timestamp: 26:27) - Rachel: There's a commitment, and part of that is watching the show and having an opinion on what's happening besides your own story that you're sharing. So in a way, it's like ensuring that Ariana did have an opinion on it. So very eye opening, to say the least.
I want your take on Tom's final words. He says, I love it. It's good for me. A lot of people in the room were very shocked by that. Tom even has a reaction to it, where he shakes his head no. They didn't even really press him on what he meant by that either. What's your take on all of that? (Timestamp: 26:49) - Rachel: I wish they pressed him on what he meant by that a little bit more. And Ariana was pretty much the only person that called him out on it too. She caught it. - Rachel: She was like, that exactly proves my point, that you are doing things for the audience, for the production value, and for his own story purposes. I guess in Tom's eyes, having Ariana refuse to film and walk off was good for him because he felt like he completed his job and fulfilled his duty with what production was asking from him. And Ariana was not. - Rachel: And I think selfishly, he probably thought that it would give him a better chance of having more of a redemption story. - Rachel: Because, ultimately, production is the one picking and choosing what they're going to share on the show and edit and put certain music behind certain scenes to make it seem even more of a certain way. Tom knows how to play into that. But I would have loved to hear what his explanation for that comment would be.
Why do you think they didn't press him? (Timestamp: 28:34) - Rachel: I think that they're protecting him, like they always have been.
We did see something interesting at the very end with Lisa stepping up and taking Ariana's side, which is kind of a different tune. You've talked about this before, where she seems to protect the guys a lot of the time, but then she changes her tune at the very end of the episode and takes Ariana's side. What are your thoughts on that? (Timestamp: 28:39) - Rachel: I think Lisa is very strategic with what she puts out there as well. And she knows what people are saying about her, with her always supporting the guys. So that could have been a motivation behind her changing her tune and supporting Ariana in that way. Yeah, I don't know. It's hard because I think also Lisa is very aware of who the fan favorites are. It's her show. - Rachel: She's an executive producer on this show. So she's not a dummy when it's coming to that. I think it helps her if she is supporting Ariana because she'll praise Ariana for walking away and end up holding her boundaries. - Rachel: But then when it comes to me, I don't even remember what she said about me. But when it comes to me walking away and setting a boundary for myself, I've been told that I'm a coward and I'm running away from my problems. - Rachel: So that part for me gets a little frustrating because it's like, and also the fans praising Ariana for upholding her boundaries and walking away and supporting her and telling her like, you know, she's outgrown this show. - Rachel: She should move on and do something even better with her life. And she's finding out now that these aren't her true friends and like good for her for upholding her boundaries and walking away from this situation. And I've done the same thing and it has been met with scrutiny.
Lala compares her situation with Randall to Ariana a lot throughout this reunion. Do you think the two are similar at all? (Timestamp: 30:37) - Rachel: I don't think that the relationship that Lala had with Randall is comparable to the situation that Tom and Ariana were in. It's hard to get on Lala's side with some of the things that she's saying, because the way that she spoke about her relationship with Randall is like bragging about doing BJs for PJs and getting gifted a Range Rover very early in their relationship and not being honest about who she was seeing and the situation that was happening basically. And it just seemed like she was in it for the money and like to secure her success and fame. - Rachel: So it's hard to get behind that, especially when she's been so outright about it. Unfortunately, Randall wasn't the stand up guy that she was selling him to be. We weren't buying it. - Rachel: In Ariana's case, viewers got to see that relationship develop over the years, whereas with Lala's, he wasn't around, like it was secret for a while. And, you know, it's harder to develop feelings towards a person or a relationship when you're not seeing it play out on camera. I think Lala has a lot of anger, maybe even towards herself, for the situation that she allowed herself to be in. And I think she might be taking that out on Ariana.
How hard is it to be really honest when you're in this position? And do you think certain cast members have an easier time doing this? (Timestamp: 32:22) - Rachel: So this is like where your own values come in. Like, are you an honest person or are you not? Because there are people in this cast that are not, and we know who they are, and they have no problem lying, and it doesn't bother them when they lie. - Rachel: And for me, I'm working towards living a more authentic, honest life. And part of that is being honest with my emotions, thoughts, and feelings, and expressing that, and doing that in a way that is still respectful, because I'm not trying to hurt people in the process. And I am trying to express myself honestly and be true to myself. - Rachel: So I think it just depends on who you're asking. I mean, it's definitely not easy. It's definitely hard because you're on this platform, this public arena where you're opening yourself up to scrutiny. - Rachel: And if other people have differing opinions than you do, or if your opinion is the minority, you're basically going to be harassed and scrutinized. And so sometimes for people, it's easier to not be fully honest with their thoughts and feelings in order to save face or in order to go with more popular opinion because it's perceived to be safer that way. But I don't know. - Rachel: At this point, it's like your words aren't going to hurt me. You can say whatever you want to say about me online, and I've survived this far. So whatever else you say about me is not going to affect me any more than it already has. - Rachel: I've developed thick skin through this process, and I've come to the point where I value my friendships that are real in the sense of I interact with these people in real life. I care more about people's perception of me when they actually meet me and interact with me and the vibes I give off that way. So you get to a certain point where it's almost your duty to show up for yourself and be honest with how you feel and how you think about a certain thing in that moment. - Rachel: And your opinions can change with time too and with more information. It's not like I'm going to say this one thing and I'm always going to feel this way. It's always changing, it's always developing, we're always getting more information, and we're always experiencing new things that change our perspective on life. - Rachel: So it's just your duty to represent yourself in the most authentic way so that your people will find you.
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Well, I think there was one kind of shining moment, I'll say, even though it was a really emotional moment. But the moment between, and this is a little bit of a pivot, but the moment between Schwartz and Katie, I found really interesting, where Andy was asking about their relationship. It seemed like this season, they had a little bit more of a playful dynamic. But Schwartz gets really emotional, saying that he doesn't regret how their relationship ended. But you can kind of see in his eyes that he tears well up. He gets really emotional. What did you make of that moment? (Timestamp: 38:08) - Rachel: We don't think we've really seen a moment like that between Tom, Schwartz, and Katie. It really seems like they've come to terms with how the relationship ended, and that it was for the best. But it seemed like there was a lot of fond memories and just appreciation for one another, that I don't think I've really seen that dynamic between them before. - iHeart Lady: To me, it seemed like in a season where there was a lot of hurt, that seemed like the one moment of maybe seeing two people that are going through the process of healing. - Rachel: Viewing that, it did seem like they were both coming from a place of healing, because they weren't throwing insults at each other or trying to bring each other down. It was very respecting one another and appreciating the moments that they did have together while it lasted. And that's refreshing to see on this show.
Lala said something at the very end where she said it was really hard for her to show up to season nine reunion, I believe it was. You know, she didn't want to talk about certain things, but she showed up. Ariana said the same thing where she could say the same about the season 10 reunion. She didn't want to be there. You could probably say the same thing about the season 10 reunion. You didn't want to be there as well. Is it fair to say everyone's been in a position where they didn't want to be somewhere, but they did anyway? (Timestamp: 39:44) - Rachel: 100%. Yeah, totally. And that's like the part of committing to this show. It's a commitment. And even though you don't quite know what you're signing up for, you know that it's not going to be necessarily easy. And there's a challenge in that. - Rachel: And I think, just speaking for myself, there was an opportunity for growth for me in that. Yeah, I think we've all been in a situation where we didn't want to show up for something and felt, I don't think obligated is the right word, but we made a commitment to being there, and we followed through with our commitment. And it's hard.
You started this episode off by acknowledging that there was a lot of healing that this cast needs to do. As someone who has taken a step back from filming, you've had this time to kind of come back to your own reality. What can this cast expect when you have that moment to kind of breathe and have that separation and you rejoin reality for a minute? (Timestamp: 41:07) - Rachel: Oh, okay. That is a loaded question. Because I think that there's a little bit of fear with not being the current topic of conversation. - Rachel: I think addiction is the wrong word, but there's a little bit of the dopamine hits that you get when you're being talked about on a reality TV show and the fear of that going away permanently could be a scary thing. But taking time off and re-centering with yourself, I think is like the best thing for this cast right now, because we don't want to be forced into situations that we don't want to be in. That's not living an authentic life. - Rachel: I mean, I've been worrying about scenes and storylines, and I haven't even been a part of this show, but now it feels good not to worry about that. And I do have to say, just like reading all the comments on Reddit right now, it's like hardly anybody is talking about me, which is a great feeling. It's just so much more freeing when you're not living your life for somebody else's entertainment anymore. - Rachel: It just feels like you get your life back a little bit. It's so complex, and I think it's hard to understand if you haven't been through being on a TV show for millions of people to comment on and judge your life. I don't think humans are meant for that, and there's no way that that's healthy. - Rachel: Yeah, I said that I think the cast, we have a lot of healing to do. We, as in, I still do too, and part of that is coming back to reality. And I really don't think that we've had a minute this whole season. I think it's going to be good for everyone.
Has this year though felt different to you? I feel like you're like half in, half out (Timestamp: 43:42) - Rachel: Oh, yeah, it's felt so different. But I think like a large part of that has to do with going to the meadows and really reconnecting with myself and learning about my issues and how it was showing up for me and really coming to terms with like, what is this piece of external validation and how is that motivating me? And is it even real? - Rachel: And just like really re centering back into myself and gaining a lot more perspective with that. Without the meadows, I would not be where I am right now. There's no freaking way. So it is. I'm living a new life. I really am. - Rachel: And I feel like I haven't really been able to truly have the opportunity to live my new life to the fullest because this show has been holding me back. And I know that that's partially my fault too because I'm indulging and speaking about it, but I'm really looking forward to the days when I can truly move forward and evolve into something even more magnificent.
Outro (Timestamp: 45:02) - Rachel: Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Goes Rogue Podcast.
***end
2024.06.01 14:02 guiltyofnothing “DEI is the new fascism” “Just so you know, I read most of post modernism general theories.” /r/silenthill reacts to a redesigned female character model in the Silent Hill 2 remake
The Context:
Silent Hill 2 is a 2001 psychological horror video game from Konami. A trailer was recently revealed for a remake of the game, with updated graphics and gameplay.Angela Orosco is a character in Silent Hill 2. She is 19 years old, suicidal, and implied to be the victim of sexual assault by her father.
With the release of the trailer for the remake, some have noted changes to character designs and models — specially Angela’s.
Our drama begins when a user posts a screenshot of a reply to a tweet. The original tweet includes Angela’s redesigned model and a “non-woke” edited version. The reply tweet points out that the character is a 19 year-old sexual abuse victim.
Our drama spans over two threads as the new trailer and changes have sparked debate in the sub.
The Drama, Pt. 1
One user objects that the character isn’t real:She's not real[Continued:]
so ?
So that's not a picture of a 19 year old abuse victim. The outrage isn't based on reality
it IS the picture of a 19 year old abuse victim FROM silent hill, just because she isn’t real doesn’t mean she doesn’t signify or carry a message from the real world
Silent Hill isn't real. The events in Silent Hill 2 never happened
u really are close minded.. sexual abuse and people dying from diseases, depression, etc does happen irl[Continued:]
I never said that doesn't happen in real life. I said angela sn't real, silent Hill isn't real, and all the events that take place in silent hill 2 are a work of fiction, it's made up, it never happened.
Sure, but that's no reason to justify people reacting like they are. One cannot argue 'None of it's real' while also arguing 'these characters are important to me' or 'I want to invest in this series/game' because the point of the game is for you to immerse and invest in it. You're meant to care about the characters intrinsically, and not about 'what they do for you'. It's absolutely fine to be upset if some 15 year old idiot 'consoomer' whose first thought when he becomes upset about how a female in the game looks responds with "You want my money~! I am your demographic!" makes such an ignorant, room-temperature IQ take like this, and it's fine to let them know why.
I didn't say these characters are important to me. Real people who exist are important to me. People who get emotional about other people having opinions on made up characters must have some deeper issues. This is a subreddit for discussing a video game series, it's not Doctor Phil.
You don't seem to understand the concept of context very well
The context is that you and some others don't like anything I've said because it hurt your feelings. I understand the context that you are implying, but I want you to find a way to say it before I go on[…]
It's story telling, dude.I say this with relief, but most people have not expirienced sexual abuse. Obviously, this is a good thing. However, it's pretty clear these days that empathy for people who have isn't wide-spread. The point of storytelling is broadening horizons, through different perspectives. It should not just be about catering to the audience.
Storytelling is that means of spreading empathy. There is value to the experience it has to share, and regardless of if Angela is real, the experiences she's there to portray are not without inspiration sourced in reality. If your argument is "She's not real. It's not real. Why care?" then you don't get the point of the whole of storytelling. Not just games, like, all of storytelling.But what about word choice?
I just want to draw you attention to the OP's post, the original commenter in the image said nothing about SA, it's not mentioned instead the OP brings it up as a shield to prevent any criticism of the characters redesign. That's manipulation, and only an idiot wouldn't see it.
Calling someone a “fucking worm” is just as childish as the post they’re criticizing”Vulnerable beauty”:
if someone doesn't want to be called a worm they shouldn't act like a worm. even the engagement bait excuse doesn't work, it's gross behavior.
I would never call someone a disgusting worm but that’s just me 👌No calling someone a worm is objectively hilarious tbh
lol ok snowflake
Boo hoo
it's very noble of you to come to the defense of some insane misogynist on twitter
She was still the poster girl for the original SH2. Yes she was a sexual abuse victim but there was a certain vulnerable beauty to her that Team Silent/Konami wanted to convey in that iconic knife closeup shot as well as using her face for the actual cover art of the game.[Continued:]
"abuse victim"
"certain vulnerable beauty"
You actually wrote those two things together mate. Get therapy.
a lot of people who apparently have played and think they like silent hill 2 completely lack the maturity to handle any of the themes of the game apparently. angela's attractiveness should not be part of the discourse around her character at all.
A base level of attractiveness is relevant for almost all characters except Eddie. Thats the uncomfortable truth of human nature.
Attractiveness enhances a character’s charm. It enhances melancholic and profound musical performances, it enhances melancholic and profound movies. See Mazzy Star. See 500 Days of Summer. It wouldn’t have been the same if those musical artists and actors had unappealing annoying faces.
just because you are too shallow to empathize with people you don’t find attractive doesn’t mean everyone’s brain is broken in the same way man.
This isn’t about me. This is about human nature. Look at the top YouTube comments on a Mazzy Star performance. They are praising her visual beauty. And we all know it feeds into the tenderness of the song. Nobody goes “Wtf is wrong with you- her face has nothing to do with the artistic value of the song!!!” You might call it shallow but it’s nothing to be faulted for. We are human.[…]
Angela’s story is melancholic and profound. But Konami wouldn’t have made her the cover art had she been morbidly obese with a pudgy unappealing face. Nor would we SH2 fans hang the game poster of her on our walls if she was morbidly obese with a pudgy unappealing face. That knife pose shot wouldn’t have been nearly as iconic.
Saying all this stuff is very not PC. But there’s a difference between being bothered by the truth and refusing to accept it as the truth.
You misunderstand the term “vulnerable beauty”. You’re thinking about it negatively in terms of being taken advantage of. It’s not that. Im talking about tenderness and sorrow that is enhanced by natural beauty- and vice versa.
Go on YouTube and look at all the musical performances of songs about melancholy/ vulnerability/tenderness played by legendary artists. Like “fade into you” by Mazzy Star. The top YouTube comments are full of praises on her natural beauty. We know that aesthetic beauty enhances the artistry and vice versa.
Human nature tends to gravitate toward certain types of faces. It wouldn’t be the same if she had a derpy face. There is a reason why Konami decided to use Angela’s face as the cover art for the original SH2 game. Because her vulnerable beauty is a key component of her character. And her character is a key component of the game.
Even for James. The artistic value would be diminished if James had an ugly douchey and generally unlikeable face.
The Drama, Pt. 2
In a second thread, it is confirmed that this is the character’s final design.DEI is blamed:
i vision apparently given by a DEI consultancy group named Hit Detection.[Continued:]
Holy shit you people treat DEI like it’s the fucking boogeyman. You realize that most games hire DEI consultancy, and they’re not some evil org pulling the strings changing the game, they almost always just check the game to ensure there isn’t any content that will unintentionally offend people?
It’s not some crazy scheme, it’s literally just checking that the writing has the intended response. It’s proofreading.
Because it is. Go actually read the ideology they are based of. DEI is the new fascism
Jesus, you have no idea what fascism means.
Just use pornhub man, this isn't something to go to war for lmao
You know, I was gonna debate you and use logic and sense, but the moment you threw out “facism” because it’s the buzzword of the day, I knew I’d be trying to debate someone with the IQ of a single cell amoeba
Insult to the single-cell amoebas tbh
Sure. Insult the person and not the argument.
Just so you know, I read most of post modernism general theories. It is amazing how it resembles fascism but just much better worded.
So, if you feel so insulted maybe go actually read the texts about DEI,instead of going hating on people.
They insulted your argument too though. It's just the same basic rhetoric that everyone who thinks this way speaks. It's like you all subscribe to the same newsletter and read the weekly approved script. It's tiring and a waste of everyone's time, including yours.[…]
Dudes never had an original thought in his life, if he didn't just parrot what the other incels say he wouldn't speak at all and the world would be all the better for it.
Or you could stop being incel[…]
You didn't make an argumeny. You basically said "DEI is fascist go look it up". I looked it up ages ago when all these gamer dudes started scaremongering and it was the biggest non-issue I've ever seen. Like the whole SBI thing that got debunked fucking instantly. Outrage youtubers just found their new target to farm clicks, that's all.
User from kotakuinaction probably gonna link Jordan Petterson video if you ask for links
Just say the n word, man. We all know what you meanThere are allegations of gaslighting:
Yup. People can stick their heads in the dirt and pretend these firms don't affect character designs but it is what it is.
Oh boy. Fuck DEI. Those people came to ruin games. The same way they ruined the other media.
I cant with so many people gaslighting themselves into liking this design, OR the horrendous voice acting. So many of you guys are in pure copium mode right now, Just like with the trainwreck that is SH short message. This game looks worse and worse every time they show more of it, and everyone sticking up for the hideous character design and pretending the game looks good only because some of you compare it to the miniscule ps2 era gameplay of the OG isn't going to change how crap this remake's vision is. As someone who encourages people to take risks when it comes to remakes and reboots, I will be open minded. But it’s not looking good.Comparisons are made:
This sub is deleting any comments or posts that even slightly suggest there is something weird with how she looks. Her face does not look like a normal 19 year old girls and if you think it does your on some of that high dose copium.
People on the sub won't take any form of criticism, they'll just downvote you to doom. Her face is rather uncanny imo. I feel like they could've done it better
I don't mind being down voted. I've expressed my opinion and anyone who disagrees is welcome to express theres. What I do find amusing is the "you're just an incel" cope. These are supposed to be people against sexualization but make fun of other people's sex lives. But this is Reddit, so I'm not expecting anything better.
I agree. If they feel inspired by Quagmire from Family Guy, then they should stick to their vision.”Hideous:
Bait used to be believable
I swear Silent Hill “fans” have to be the most obnoxious, I kinda see why we got nothing for such a long time.
Make Genshin fans look almost sane.Denial used to be believable. Hit Detection worked on this game and that explains a lot.
She looks hideous. Can't believe this is what Blooper is doing.
Trust me brother you absolutely look worse than her
Yet you don't know what he or she looks like.
Stand on business and post yourself then lil bro
Sad to see people lack the critical thinking to critique this game. Blooper gave this woman a man jaw and it looks downright ugly. How does a character model from 2001 look better than one from 2024? Goes to show how much team silent cared about their game while blooper is just trying to make a quick buck.
The Flairs:
2024.06.01 14:01 Secret-Property5498 Breaking free from your narcissistic parent as an adult child (long)
Hello Dr. K and the HealthyGamer community,
I am seeking advice, support, and insights on how to emotionally separate and individuate from my parents later in life, which I should have done much earlier. The adult part of me knows what I need to do, but there's also a part of me that is frightened. Let me give you a snapshot of my life trajectory. The story is long, but I want to provide as much context as possible. If you prefer a short summary of my dilemma, please skip to the last paragraph. Otherwise, here is my life story:
I grew up in a well-to-do family in an East Asian country. My parents had me in their early 20s, just as their business began to flourish during the 'boom years.' Both came from very broken families. My mother experienced poverty, abuse, and neglect from her parents (she did not speak to her dad until he died and almost never acknowledges her mother). My father was the least favorite child in his family of three, dropped out of high school, ended up on the streets, and, as I learned a few years ago, was later imprisoned for fighting. My parents met when my mother was 19 and my father 21, ran away together, and built a very successful business in their early to mid-20s, becoming incredibly wealthy in a generally poor society.
Although we were affluent, my parents were never around. I started boarding at age 3 and spent most of my time outside school with my paternal grandparents and occasionally my maternal grandmother. My parents fought a lot. My mother once threatened to take me away and drove off with me with no specific destination. At one point, she told me she was divorcing my father, and we moved into another apartment for a day before returning home. She emotionally smothered me, saying she would die for me and that no one would love me as much as she did. She also hit me often over small things, sometimes in public. I thought she was better than my father, who, according to her, would remarry quickly if she left or died, subjecting me to abuse from an evil stepmother.
Despite our wealth, my mother took me out of an international school after six months and sent me to a state school known for being strict and militant. I was a 'good, smart kid' in primary school, but around age 12 or 13, I became very depressed and felt life had no purpose. I failed almost all my subjects except History and started drinking, influenced by my father's heavy drinking and a culture that tolerated alcoholism.
Then something happened that saved me in retrospect. My family emigrated to an Anglophone New World country, and I went to another boarding school. Despite experiencing racism and feeling self-conscious about my appearance, I improved academically and, by years 12 and 13, was among the best students. Between ages 13-18, I saw my father rarely, perhaps once or twice a year. My mother visited periodically, and they bought a house near the school, where I lived mostly alone. Like many first-generation immigrant kids, I handled most family matters because my parents couldn't speak English.
When it was time for university, I wanted to study law and politics at the local public university, but my father insisted I go to the UK or the US, believing a degree from the local university would not lead to a good job. He also prevented me from taking a gap year. I regret not leaving home to get a job. I applied to many universities and chose the worst-ranked one in London because I wanted to be in the city.
University was eye-opening. I discovered Europe and realized the world was much bigger than the conformist, conservative East Asian country and backwater suburbs I knew. However, my degree didn't prepare me for life, and my emotionally underdeveloped state made me miserable in adult relationships. I chose emotionally distant or abusive friends, hurt people who liked me, and did no internships or travel because I was expected to help my family during holidays. I wanted to stay in London, looked for random jobs, but had no life skills or work experience. Eventually, I returned to East Asia.
By then, my father had moved to a more cosmopolitan East Asian city, living extravagantly. I interned at a fancy company for almost a year, hoping for a job offer that never came. I soon found a job in brand consulting and finally started earning money at 23. I had a relationship with an older woman, but I was still emotionally detached. I tried freelancing, learned to impress others, and almost made enough to support myself, but I was fundamentally lost and unhappy. I experienced my first depressive episode and decided to return to London for a Master's degree. My father agreed to fund my education.
That year was the happiest of my life. I loved university, research, and being with smart, nerdy people. I met an intelligent, caring, and beautiful woman, and we moved in together. I discovered more fulfilling ways to live and found that success didn't mean working for an investment bank or being rich. I wanted to be an academic, applied for a PhD, and got in after two attempts.
Academia wasn't all rosy. The work conditions were awful, and the publish-or-perish mentality sucked the joy out of research. I loved teaching but quickly learned it mattered little at a 'research university.' I gained weight, my relationship deteriorated, arguments turned physical, and I felt worthless. The pandemic made things worse, and I felt I needed to radically change my life. My solution was to become the person my family wanted: filial, loyal, and rich. I was ready to abandon my life in London and move back to East Asia to 'stop being a loser.'
I returned home, trying to fix my family and shower them with love. I interned at a VC firm, but it clashed with my values, and I cried every day at work. I broke up with my girlfriend for someone with no emotional attachment, leading to great sex but zero intimacy. Within three months, I was broke, living in a short-term rental, and eating unhealthily. Fortunately, I had a therapist, a good friend in Shanghai, and my girlfriend gave me a second chance. I realized my family's emotional neglect contributed to my unhappiness and depression. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and medicated, which helped me move out of paralysis. I confronted my family about their past actions and my diagnosis. My mother reacted poorly, calling me names and accusing me of being a horrible son. This ordeal made me realize I needed to break away from them. What I threw away in London was actually the most valuable: a career, a family, my identity.
After confronting my mother that year, she vowed never to see me again. However, 6-8 months later, she sent me a large sum of money for my birthday. I let her back into my life, partly for financial help but also seeking proof of their love and acceptance. Things improved initially, but soon she started complaining about mistreatment by my partner. Then, my parents promised to buy me a flat and pressured me to get married. I accepted the flat for stability and freedom, ignoring their past behavior. Predictably, the flat became a tool for my mother to control me. She threatened to sue me if my girlfriend moved in and disputed the flat's ownership just weeks before the move-in date. I have a demanding job and spend much of my day dealing with this situation, processing the emotional toll of my mother's actions. I feel unsafe, violated, and confused. I hear a voice telling me this is all my fault and that I'm too weak. I know what I need to do cognitively, but emotionally I'm paralyzed. Do you understand what I mean? What would you do?
submitted by Secret-Property5498 to Healthygamergg [link] [comments]
I am seeking advice, support, and insights on how to emotionally separate and individuate from my parents later in life, which I should have done much earlier. The adult part of me knows what I need to do, but there's also a part of me that is frightened. Let me give you a snapshot of my life trajectory. The story is long, but I want to provide as much context as possible. If you prefer a short summary of my dilemma, please skip to the last paragraph. Otherwise, here is my life story:
I grew up in a well-to-do family in an East Asian country. My parents had me in their early 20s, just as their business began to flourish during the 'boom years.' Both came from very broken families. My mother experienced poverty, abuse, and neglect from her parents (she did not speak to her dad until he died and almost never acknowledges her mother). My father was the least favorite child in his family of three, dropped out of high school, ended up on the streets, and, as I learned a few years ago, was later imprisoned for fighting. My parents met when my mother was 19 and my father 21, ran away together, and built a very successful business in their early to mid-20s, becoming incredibly wealthy in a generally poor society.
Although we were affluent, my parents were never around. I started boarding at age 3 and spent most of my time outside school with my paternal grandparents and occasionally my maternal grandmother. My parents fought a lot. My mother once threatened to take me away and drove off with me with no specific destination. At one point, she told me she was divorcing my father, and we moved into another apartment for a day before returning home. She emotionally smothered me, saying she would die for me and that no one would love me as much as she did. She also hit me often over small things, sometimes in public. I thought she was better than my father, who, according to her, would remarry quickly if she left or died, subjecting me to abuse from an evil stepmother.
Despite our wealth, my mother took me out of an international school after six months and sent me to a state school known for being strict and militant. I was a 'good, smart kid' in primary school, but around age 12 or 13, I became very depressed and felt life had no purpose. I failed almost all my subjects except History and started drinking, influenced by my father's heavy drinking and a culture that tolerated alcoholism.
Then something happened that saved me in retrospect. My family emigrated to an Anglophone New World country, and I went to another boarding school. Despite experiencing racism and feeling self-conscious about my appearance, I improved academically and, by years 12 and 13, was among the best students. Between ages 13-18, I saw my father rarely, perhaps once or twice a year. My mother visited periodically, and they bought a house near the school, where I lived mostly alone. Like many first-generation immigrant kids, I handled most family matters because my parents couldn't speak English.
When it was time for university, I wanted to study law and politics at the local public university, but my father insisted I go to the UK or the US, believing a degree from the local university would not lead to a good job. He also prevented me from taking a gap year. I regret not leaving home to get a job. I applied to many universities and chose the worst-ranked one in London because I wanted to be in the city.
University was eye-opening. I discovered Europe and realized the world was much bigger than the conformist, conservative East Asian country and backwater suburbs I knew. However, my degree didn't prepare me for life, and my emotionally underdeveloped state made me miserable in adult relationships. I chose emotionally distant or abusive friends, hurt people who liked me, and did no internships or travel because I was expected to help my family during holidays. I wanted to stay in London, looked for random jobs, but had no life skills or work experience. Eventually, I returned to East Asia.
By then, my father had moved to a more cosmopolitan East Asian city, living extravagantly. I interned at a fancy company for almost a year, hoping for a job offer that never came. I soon found a job in brand consulting and finally started earning money at 23. I had a relationship with an older woman, but I was still emotionally detached. I tried freelancing, learned to impress others, and almost made enough to support myself, but I was fundamentally lost and unhappy. I experienced my first depressive episode and decided to return to London for a Master's degree. My father agreed to fund my education.
That year was the happiest of my life. I loved university, research, and being with smart, nerdy people. I met an intelligent, caring, and beautiful woman, and we moved in together. I discovered more fulfilling ways to live and found that success didn't mean working for an investment bank or being rich. I wanted to be an academic, applied for a PhD, and got in after two attempts.
Academia wasn't all rosy. The work conditions were awful, and the publish-or-perish mentality sucked the joy out of research. I loved teaching but quickly learned it mattered little at a 'research university.' I gained weight, my relationship deteriorated, arguments turned physical, and I felt worthless. The pandemic made things worse, and I felt I needed to radically change my life. My solution was to become the person my family wanted: filial, loyal, and rich. I was ready to abandon my life in London and move back to East Asia to 'stop being a loser.'
I returned home, trying to fix my family and shower them with love. I interned at a VC firm, but it clashed with my values, and I cried every day at work. I broke up with my girlfriend for someone with no emotional attachment, leading to great sex but zero intimacy. Within three months, I was broke, living in a short-term rental, and eating unhealthily. Fortunately, I had a therapist, a good friend in Shanghai, and my girlfriend gave me a second chance. I realized my family's emotional neglect contributed to my unhappiness and depression. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and medicated, which helped me move out of paralysis. I confronted my family about their past actions and my diagnosis. My mother reacted poorly, calling me names and accusing me of being a horrible son. This ordeal made me realize I needed to break away from them. What I threw away in London was actually the most valuable: a career, a family, my identity.
After confronting my mother that year, she vowed never to see me again. However, 6-8 months later, she sent me a large sum of money for my birthday. I let her back into my life, partly for financial help but also seeking proof of their love and acceptance. Things improved initially, but soon she started complaining about mistreatment by my partner. Then, my parents promised to buy me a flat and pressured me to get married. I accepted the flat for stability and freedom, ignoring their past behavior. Predictably, the flat became a tool for my mother to control me. She threatened to sue me if my girlfriend moved in and disputed the flat's ownership just weeks before the move-in date. I have a demanding job and spend much of my day dealing with this situation, processing the emotional toll of my mother's actions. I feel unsafe, violated, and confused. I hear a voice telling me this is all my fault and that I'm too weak. I know what I need to do cognitively, but emotionally I'm paralyzed. Do you understand what I mean? What would you do?
2024.06.01 13:57 BestKirby How do you even start to heal?
These days I have shit days and almost ok days though those are a lot more rare. Today is a shit day and I need to get this out of my head.
Everyone tells me to move on and that I'll meet someone new eventually but how am I ever meant to move on from things when her reason for ending it was that she didn't want a relationship right now? We'd met on a dating app and both wanted a long term relationship at the time. I'd honestly rather she'd said something hurtful, something critical, something I can understand as a reason for not wanting someone anymore. Tell me you hate me, tell me it's me, tell me I'm not good enough. Don't tell me we would be a great couple but it's not what you want right now.
For the first time in 32 years I felt like I had found someone that I could actually connect with. She knew me well enough in 6 months to read me like a book, better than anyone I'd been "close friends with" for over 2 decades. For the first time in my entire life I felt seen, understood and most importantly wanted. I didnt come from a wonderful home so I didn't even feel that from my own family.
How can I imagine ever moving on when I don't even have any negative feelings towards her? There was nothing I didn't like. Sure she had her own issues but they made her who she is. I saw them and they didn't matter to me. None of them were "deal breakers" or things I couldn't see passed. Everyone has flaws, hers were part of what made her beautiful.
We shared every interest I have and now that she no longer wants to be with me I can't even escape the thoughts of her no matter what I try.
We gamed together. We played boardgames together, we played tabletop games together, she read the same novels, she used to be involved in publishing and writing while living in the UK. She lived in Japan and enjoyed anime. She watched the same series, enjoyed the same memes. I feel like I can't do anything to escape the thought of her and it just hurts. I feel like I have nothing anymore. She even worked in IT. Mental health? She had similar diagnoses to me so I can't even involve myself with that without thinking about her.
The social activities and geeky things around town that I felt comfortable enough to engage with and start dipping my toes into the water in the social scene? Guess who is already a big part of that?
Now I get to live with feeling that someone that understood me to that degree rejected that, that understood so much about who I really am and decided that wasn't what they wanted "right now".
How do I move on when every part of who I am/was just reminds me of her? One of the last things she said to me when we broke up was "If I could feel what you feel, I would. We’d be such a great couple. I hate that I don’t." How do you move on when someone you were falling in love with acknowledges that you'd be great together but doesn't want you anymore? Maybe she was just trying to be kind and let me down easier but this isn't working for me. I honestly feel like the only way forward is to change who I fundamentally am. How am I ever meant to deal with this pain if everything I enjoy that should take my mind off her just reminds me of what I lost?
When people tell me I'll heal in time, maybe, but why would I ever think that this kind of thing won't just happen again? I feel discarded and unwanted. I feel hopeless. Why should I continue to fight this when it's just going to happen again? If the only person that I connected with to that degree doesn't want to be with me then how am I ever meant to believe that it won't just be exactly the same with "the next" person if I'm even ever able to get there?
Everytime I get a notification I hope it's her, even though I know it's not and that I was the one that said I needed to go no contact as I can't handle just being friends and watching from the sidelines. I want her to be happy more than anything else but it would legitimately kill me to see her flourishing in a relationship with someone else. I know she probably will and I hope she finds happiness but I can't be around to see it. I see her smile everytime I close my eyes. I remember how happy it made me to make her laugh. I remember supporting her when she was going through tough times and her telling me how lovely it was to not feel judged and that she didn't have to mask around me.
My world has been crumbling around me and those I thought I was close to before have shown me that the other connections I thought I had are shallow and superficial. In the weeks I've been like this, only one person has actually reached out and tried to be supportive. I know that it's a two way street but I just can't deal with this much longer. I feel so absolutely alone and trapped with my thoughts with no outlet that doesn't just amplify the pain. I feel like I have no real connections and only came to realise that now. When friends tell me that things like I'll heal or it will be ok all I can see is hallow platitudes meant to make them feel like they're helping.
I'm not ok. Don't tell me it will be ok.
submitted by BestKirby to heartbreak [link] [comments]
Everyone tells me to move on and that I'll meet someone new eventually but how am I ever meant to move on from things when her reason for ending it was that she didn't want a relationship right now? We'd met on a dating app and both wanted a long term relationship at the time. I'd honestly rather she'd said something hurtful, something critical, something I can understand as a reason for not wanting someone anymore. Tell me you hate me, tell me it's me, tell me I'm not good enough. Don't tell me we would be a great couple but it's not what you want right now.
For the first time in 32 years I felt like I had found someone that I could actually connect with. She knew me well enough in 6 months to read me like a book, better than anyone I'd been "close friends with" for over 2 decades. For the first time in my entire life I felt seen, understood and most importantly wanted. I didnt come from a wonderful home so I didn't even feel that from my own family.
How can I imagine ever moving on when I don't even have any negative feelings towards her? There was nothing I didn't like. Sure she had her own issues but they made her who she is. I saw them and they didn't matter to me. None of them were "deal breakers" or things I couldn't see passed. Everyone has flaws, hers were part of what made her beautiful.
We shared every interest I have and now that she no longer wants to be with me I can't even escape the thoughts of her no matter what I try.
We gamed together. We played boardgames together, we played tabletop games together, she read the same novels, she used to be involved in publishing and writing while living in the UK. She lived in Japan and enjoyed anime. She watched the same series, enjoyed the same memes. I feel like I can't do anything to escape the thought of her and it just hurts. I feel like I have nothing anymore. She even worked in IT. Mental health? She had similar diagnoses to me so I can't even involve myself with that without thinking about her.
The social activities and geeky things around town that I felt comfortable enough to engage with and start dipping my toes into the water in the social scene? Guess who is already a big part of that?
Now I get to live with feeling that someone that understood me to that degree rejected that, that understood so much about who I really am and decided that wasn't what they wanted "right now".
How do I move on when every part of who I am/was just reminds me of her? One of the last things she said to me when we broke up was "If I could feel what you feel, I would. We’d be such a great couple. I hate that I don’t." How do you move on when someone you were falling in love with acknowledges that you'd be great together but doesn't want you anymore? Maybe she was just trying to be kind and let me down easier but this isn't working for me. I honestly feel like the only way forward is to change who I fundamentally am. How am I ever meant to deal with this pain if everything I enjoy that should take my mind off her just reminds me of what I lost?
When people tell me I'll heal in time, maybe, but why would I ever think that this kind of thing won't just happen again? I feel discarded and unwanted. I feel hopeless. Why should I continue to fight this when it's just going to happen again? If the only person that I connected with to that degree doesn't want to be with me then how am I ever meant to believe that it won't just be exactly the same with "the next" person if I'm even ever able to get there?
Everytime I get a notification I hope it's her, even though I know it's not and that I was the one that said I needed to go no contact as I can't handle just being friends and watching from the sidelines. I want her to be happy more than anything else but it would legitimately kill me to see her flourishing in a relationship with someone else. I know she probably will and I hope she finds happiness but I can't be around to see it. I see her smile everytime I close my eyes. I remember how happy it made me to make her laugh. I remember supporting her when she was going through tough times and her telling me how lovely it was to not feel judged and that she didn't have to mask around me.
My world has been crumbling around me and those I thought I was close to before have shown me that the other connections I thought I had are shallow and superficial. In the weeks I've been like this, only one person has actually reached out and tried to be supportive. I know that it's a two way street but I just can't deal with this much longer. I feel so absolutely alone and trapped with my thoughts with no outlet that doesn't just amplify the pain. I feel like I have no real connections and only came to realise that now. When friends tell me that things like I'll heal or it will be ok all I can see is hallow platitudes meant to make them feel like they're helping.
I'm not ok. Don't tell me it will be ok.
2024.06.01 13:56 Wonderful_Gazelle_10 Well, fuck, how did I fall for it all again?
Long triggering post ahead. Also religious trauma, domestic abuse...maybe?
I'm nearing 38, and I'm just realizing that the man I married when I was 30 is rather abusive. I just need to share this. I need to write it out. I need to confirm that I'm not crazy. Or if I am, please correct me.
My dad is a pastor in a conservative Christian cult. Not only is the cult abusive, my dad was/is abusive. My mom was both a receiver and a perpetrator of abuse. Mostly emotionally and mentally. There was, of course, corporal punishment which I consider abuse. My brothers got beat a lot. Often by my mom. But they preferred to abuse me emotionally and mentally because I really can handle pain, it's my brain that is weak.
My dad will get mad about something and just take over the whole house screaming and throwing a fit. He would threaten us and just go absolutely bizerk. It could be because of something else he was mad at, or because we ate all his ice cream or some other food that he wanted but didn't say he was saving for something. He would make weird rules or decide we couldn't do something like see a parade because "the gays had taken it over." (Not pride, just this local parade). We never knew when he would be cool and when he would be volatile. My mom was similar, but she'd scream at us when we asked for help with school (homeschool) or go on about how nobody ever helped her...I did.
It's always kind of confused me because my dad and mom would point out other people both in and out of the cult and say that they were so abusive or cruel to their kids. They were correct about these people. But the implication was always that my parents were good somehow. I fell for it for a long time.
In college they diagnosed me with bipolar II. About 3 or 4 years ago, I found out that not only were they wrong, they didn't even follow proper clinical procedures for diagnosing such a thing. About 3ish years ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD.
When I met my husband he was cool. He was the first boyfriend I had that wasn't mean or degrading. He brought me coffee just because or soup when I was sick. It was fun and cool. I felt like a real person for the first time ever.
But, he would get upset about something at work and he'd threaten other people. Like one time when we were dating, he was mad about how work went and then started about how he wanted to beat up this random bicyclist who was driving by. When I reacted, he just said he was kidding and acted like I was overreacting. My dad did that a lot too. Said something horrible and then screamed at me for not being able to take a joke.
He does this all the time. He gets in these rants about whatever he's mad about. It's rarely something I did and the anger is rarely directed at me exactly. But he takes over the whole house. And one time he was in the kitchen, and he had a knife, and he was stabbing the air repeatedly while yelling about how he wanted to hurt his managers.
Then, I have to soothe him, and calm him down. And it's the poor him show.
He's also gotten violent with my small dog. Usually just scary and threatening, but sometimes violent. My dog used to love him, now he's scared of him.
At first I thought I was just being sensitive. And when he gets drunk, or starts acting like this and I get upset it's all, "it's because of how you were raised. You're upset by the fact that I'm snarling and muttering to myself because of your hupervigilance."
And he also will condem abusers. As if he's not one.
I think it is abuse? Am I just over sensitive. My parents would say I've never been abused.
Anyway, I'm leaving in a week. I'm going to teach in a different country than my husband is. The plan is to work separately for the school year and then after a year reevaluate. He kind of pushed me into this. And I didn't want to be separate at first. But now I don't think I will want him back.
I've not even told my mom about the issues, just that we would be teaching in different countries. She already had that disapproving look. Like she knows I'm a sinful, worthless wife. And that's one thing I've told myself to stamp down my unhappiness. I don't even believe that stuff anymore. I know what they will say when (and possibly if) I divorce my husband.
Anyway, is this abuse? Am I just some entitled woman who is too selfish to allow other to express themselves? That's what my husband says, that he has to walk on eggshells and that I'm not letting him feel anger. Or he oscillates from "poor me, men are only allowed to feel anger and now that's all I can express" to "why are you oppressing me".
I don't even know where I'm going with this. I guess an outside perspective from other C-ptsd friends would be nice.
Edit: I'm just pissed at myself for marrying my dad in sheep's clothes. Or maybe I am just a bitch.
submitted by Wonderful_Gazelle_10 to CPTSD [link] [comments]
I'm nearing 38, and I'm just realizing that the man I married when I was 30 is rather abusive. I just need to share this. I need to write it out. I need to confirm that I'm not crazy. Or if I am, please correct me.
My dad is a pastor in a conservative Christian cult. Not only is the cult abusive, my dad was/is abusive. My mom was both a receiver and a perpetrator of abuse. Mostly emotionally and mentally. There was, of course, corporal punishment which I consider abuse. My brothers got beat a lot. Often by my mom. But they preferred to abuse me emotionally and mentally because I really can handle pain, it's my brain that is weak.
My dad will get mad about something and just take over the whole house screaming and throwing a fit. He would threaten us and just go absolutely bizerk. It could be because of something else he was mad at, or because we ate all his ice cream or some other food that he wanted but didn't say he was saving for something. He would make weird rules or decide we couldn't do something like see a parade because "the gays had taken it over." (Not pride, just this local parade). We never knew when he would be cool and when he would be volatile. My mom was similar, but she'd scream at us when we asked for help with school (homeschool) or go on about how nobody ever helped her...I did.
It's always kind of confused me because my dad and mom would point out other people both in and out of the cult and say that they were so abusive or cruel to their kids. They were correct about these people. But the implication was always that my parents were good somehow. I fell for it for a long time.
In college they diagnosed me with bipolar II. About 3 or 4 years ago, I found out that not only were they wrong, they didn't even follow proper clinical procedures for diagnosing such a thing. About 3ish years ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD.
When I met my husband he was cool. He was the first boyfriend I had that wasn't mean or degrading. He brought me coffee just because or soup when I was sick. It was fun and cool. I felt like a real person for the first time ever.
But, he would get upset about something at work and he'd threaten other people. Like one time when we were dating, he was mad about how work went and then started about how he wanted to beat up this random bicyclist who was driving by. When I reacted, he just said he was kidding and acted like I was overreacting. My dad did that a lot too. Said something horrible and then screamed at me for not being able to take a joke.
He does this all the time. He gets in these rants about whatever he's mad about. It's rarely something I did and the anger is rarely directed at me exactly. But he takes over the whole house. And one time he was in the kitchen, and he had a knife, and he was stabbing the air repeatedly while yelling about how he wanted to hurt his managers.
Then, I have to soothe him, and calm him down. And it's the poor him show.
He's also gotten violent with my small dog. Usually just scary and threatening, but sometimes violent. My dog used to love him, now he's scared of him.
At first I thought I was just being sensitive. And when he gets drunk, or starts acting like this and I get upset it's all, "it's because of how you were raised. You're upset by the fact that I'm snarling and muttering to myself because of your hupervigilance."
And he also will condem abusers. As if he's not one.
I think it is abuse? Am I just over sensitive. My parents would say I've never been abused.
Anyway, I'm leaving in a week. I'm going to teach in a different country than my husband is. The plan is to work separately for the school year and then after a year reevaluate. He kind of pushed me into this. And I didn't want to be separate at first. But now I don't think I will want him back.
I've not even told my mom about the issues, just that we would be teaching in different countries. She already had that disapproving look. Like she knows I'm a sinful, worthless wife. And that's one thing I've told myself to stamp down my unhappiness. I don't even believe that stuff anymore. I know what they will say when (and possibly if) I divorce my husband.
Anyway, is this abuse? Am I just some entitled woman who is too selfish to allow other to express themselves? That's what my husband says, that he has to walk on eggshells and that I'm not letting him feel anger. Or he oscillates from "poor me, men are only allowed to feel anger and now that's all I can express" to "why are you oppressing me".
I don't even know where I'm going with this. I guess an outside perspective from other C-ptsd friends would be nice.
Edit: I'm just pissed at myself for marrying my dad in sheep's clothes. Or maybe I am just a bitch.
2024.06.01 13:52 ThrowRA_Arthur03 My ex-girlfriend's (22F) birthday is coming up and I (24M) have a conflict about whether it's appropriate or just absurd to send a birthday gesture? I would really like some advice
Hey there, I need some advice on whether it's appropriate or just absurd to send a birthday letter and a small gift to my ex-girlfriend. Our situation is a bit complicated, so here's some background:
My ex and I had a relationship that spanned two significant periods. We met, got together, separated (without discussing it at all; we just drifted apart), and then almost a year later, we got back together. We broke up for the second time about three months ago.
My Conflict: I don't want to overstep any boundaries or make her feel uncomfortable. My wish is simply to make her something special. I aim to respect her space while showing this kind gesture. However, I worry about the potential of triggering negative emotions or discomfort.
So, the question is: Should I go ahead with this, or would it be better to keep my distance and let her celebrate without any of my input?
Any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.
P.S.: I'm ready for any feedback, and if I seem like I was or am a jerk, believe me, I have heard it all from myself. I really don't like the version of myself from the past year and there is really no excuse for my actions and the way I neglected her and our relationship. I also see things I still need to improve.
TL;DR: Ex-girlfriend's birthday is coming up. We broke up three months ago after a complicated relationship. I want to deliver her a handmade gift and letter but worry it might be inappropriate or make her uncomfortable. Should I go ahead or keep my distance and just send a normal message not too long and not too short?
Thank you in advance!!
submitted by ThrowRA_Arthur03 to relationships [link] [comments]
My ex and I had a relationship that spanned two significant periods. We met, got together, separated (without discussing it at all; we just drifted apart), and then almost a year later, we got back together. We broke up for the second time about three months ago.
- In our first relationship, we had significant lack of communication. I was very avoidant and stressed, which made me distant even though I wanted to be with her and truly loved her. She tried to connect with me, but I just couldn't reciprocate. After our first breakup, I realized what went wrong and started to work on myself, digging deep into my issues and aiming for personal growth. She unknowingly pushed me towards this self-improvement journey.
- We rekindled our relationship around six months ago. This time, I was the one trying to connect, but she had been through a lot in the past year, including a traumatic event, which I won't go into detail about. She wanted the relationship mentally but was emotionally too hurt and tired to commit fully. She has a lot on her plate: a full-time job, started her Bachelor’s studies, and has issues at home with her parents. After two months, she chose not to continue the relationship, feeling it wasn’t fair to me as she couldn’t be fully present, although she saw that I was willing to stay, fight for us, be patient with her, and sit in the mud with her.
- During our breakup talk, I gave her a therapeutic gift so she can draw in her alone time or whenever she likes (she loves to draw but didn’t have many opportunities to do so in the past year). We ended things positively, holding hands while walking around the park and saying "see you later" instead of a formal goodbye.
- I've been focusing on personal growth since then and am not looking to get back together. I genuinely see it as better for her to have the time to heal and get stronger. I wish her all the best because she deserves to be happy.
My Conflict: I don't want to overstep any boundaries or make her feel uncomfortable. My wish is simply to make her something special. I aim to respect her space while showing this kind gesture. However, I worry about the potential of triggering negative emotions or discomfort.
So, the question is: Should I go ahead with this, or would it be better to keep my distance and let her celebrate without any of my input?
Any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.
P.S.: I'm ready for any feedback, and if I seem like I was or am a jerk, believe me, I have heard it all from myself. I really don't like the version of myself from the past year and there is really no excuse for my actions and the way I neglected her and our relationship. I also see things I still need to improve.
TL;DR: Ex-girlfriend's birthday is coming up. We broke up three months ago after a complicated relationship. I want to deliver her a handmade gift and letter but worry it might be inappropriate or make her uncomfortable. Should I go ahead or keep my distance and just send a normal message not too long and not too short?
Thank you in advance!!
2024.06.01 13:49 ArgumentSilly8095 looking for some support - does anyone relate to this?
Hi everyone,
I wanted to share my experience and how sometimes it resolves while like now it stays for a while.
I am a cis (hopefully) woman in her early 30's, lesbian who was a tomboy growing up, until puberty. While growing I was (a bit) made fun of because of my deeper voice and not super girly / feminine features & behaviours (wanting to play football / having male friends). I was couple of times mistaken for a boy which led me to a big distress / anxiety and thinking / deep wish that "i would rather be the most unattractive girl than be mistaken for a boy".
The constant "you are like a boy", "you look like a boy" (also coming from my family in a rather accusatorial manner) left some unpleasant memories but i eventually grew out of them (i thought). Until i was 19 or 20 years old that problem did not really exist for me but then i moved to another country and stared my studies.
I worked in a bar in a queer area and despite that bar not being queer, it was next door to a place which was mostly ran and attended by transgenders (absolutely no phobia here it just to highlight the context of the neighbourhood). Because of that bathe area in general a lot of women including me were a few times (often for fun) misgendered yet it happened to me way more often than to others. For me it was mostly because of my voice and height and sharper features, for my other female (and i would never question their identity) colleagues, i am not even sure what caused it. This happened so many times that while i denied and repressed that memory it created my social anxiety.
I do want to mention that after my tomboyish phase in childhood i considered my appearance as a regular girl (not super feminine with nails done + hills though:). I enjoy activities related to both genders, i finally feel good in dresses, i like to feel attractive and overall embrace my feminine "energy". While these gender conforming aspects sound silly, i was happy as i struggled with feminity in addition to accepting that i am a lesbian.
I recently realised that most of my life, wherever i would go i would be afraid that someone thinks I'm a man or transgender because of how i look and sound, i would sometimes be afraid to go to the bathrooms, afraid to use my voice as it's too deep. Of course me being misgendered rarely happened (maybe 5-10 times in the last 10 years). Now on top of that when someone addresses me as a girl or miss i immediately feel the "relief" as being misgendered hurt me quite a lot in the past and would hurt immensely if it happened right now. I want to be honest and do say that if i don't put effort into my looks i could look a bit androgynous, which i try to accept.
How my ocd started?
I was having one of my compulsive episodes and was googling "how can i be more feminine", of course one of the posts that popped up was a transgender forum or a reddit thread, from there it went downhill. From me fearing to be mistaken for a man i started to worry that i actually am a man. It started in november during a rather stressful period with work, went away and now while im having a burnout it came with even stronger strength.
There are moments when i laugh about it but there are also moments of a racing heart and me thinking that im denial, that im not comfortable with my pronouns even my body. Even though my only fear and worry before was to have more feminine features/aura. I often have a voice in my head saying "you are a man" and that voice looks like it's always on the back of my mind. I try to imagine myself as a guy and seriously cannot, that thought gives me a lot of distress and worry and anxiety but also that maybe im in "denial". I do not even know how to tackle it, because despite my features and voice which weren't really up to me i can't think of one reason why i should be a guy nor i know how one should feel like "a guy". Still the thoughts are very distressing until they pass.
And then on days when i feel good about myself, im not stressed, i dress up for dinner or parties, wear makeup and jewellery and feel attractive i want to laugh at the thoughts that couple of days before seemed so real.
i was wondering if anyone struggled with such a train of thoughts? I am in therapy, was diagnosed with ocd and anxiety before and struggling with worries and fears about so many topics. Because every other topic resolves, my brain jumps to this one because i know that i can never know 100% as it's my inner dialogue, not a problem with a deadline at work or a doctor's appointment. Lastly, my current therapist said that i do not have ocd (i have not discussed that issue in detail with her because of shame), which made me even more anxious as before i rationalised my thoughts as TOCD.
Thanks:)
submitted by ArgumentSilly8095 to transOCD [link] [comments]
I wanted to share my experience and how sometimes it resolves while like now it stays for a while.
I am a cis (hopefully) woman in her early 30's, lesbian who was a tomboy growing up, until puberty. While growing I was (a bit) made fun of because of my deeper voice and not super girly / feminine features & behaviours (wanting to play football / having male friends). I was couple of times mistaken for a boy which led me to a big distress / anxiety and thinking / deep wish that "i would rather be the most unattractive girl than be mistaken for a boy".
The constant "you are like a boy", "you look like a boy" (also coming from my family in a rather accusatorial manner) left some unpleasant memories but i eventually grew out of them (i thought). Until i was 19 or 20 years old that problem did not really exist for me but then i moved to another country and stared my studies.
I worked in a bar in a queer area and despite that bar not being queer, it was next door to a place which was mostly ran and attended by transgenders (absolutely no phobia here it just to highlight the context of the neighbourhood). Because of that bathe area in general a lot of women including me were a few times (often for fun) misgendered yet it happened to me way more often than to others. For me it was mostly because of my voice and height and sharper features, for my other female (and i would never question their identity) colleagues, i am not even sure what caused it. This happened so many times that while i denied and repressed that memory it created my social anxiety.
I do want to mention that after my tomboyish phase in childhood i considered my appearance as a regular girl (not super feminine with nails done + hills though:). I enjoy activities related to both genders, i finally feel good in dresses, i like to feel attractive and overall embrace my feminine "energy". While these gender conforming aspects sound silly, i was happy as i struggled with feminity in addition to accepting that i am a lesbian.
I recently realised that most of my life, wherever i would go i would be afraid that someone thinks I'm a man or transgender because of how i look and sound, i would sometimes be afraid to go to the bathrooms, afraid to use my voice as it's too deep. Of course me being misgendered rarely happened (maybe 5-10 times in the last 10 years). Now on top of that when someone addresses me as a girl or miss i immediately feel the "relief" as being misgendered hurt me quite a lot in the past and would hurt immensely if it happened right now. I want to be honest and do say that if i don't put effort into my looks i could look a bit androgynous, which i try to accept.
How my ocd started?
I was having one of my compulsive episodes and was googling "how can i be more feminine", of course one of the posts that popped up was a transgender forum or a reddit thread, from there it went downhill. From me fearing to be mistaken for a man i started to worry that i actually am a man. It started in november during a rather stressful period with work, went away and now while im having a burnout it came with even stronger strength.
There are moments when i laugh about it but there are also moments of a racing heart and me thinking that im denial, that im not comfortable with my pronouns even my body. Even though my only fear and worry before was to have more feminine features/aura. I often have a voice in my head saying "you are a man" and that voice looks like it's always on the back of my mind. I try to imagine myself as a guy and seriously cannot, that thought gives me a lot of distress and worry and anxiety but also that maybe im in "denial". I do not even know how to tackle it, because despite my features and voice which weren't really up to me i can't think of one reason why i should be a guy nor i know how one should feel like "a guy". Still the thoughts are very distressing until they pass.
And then on days when i feel good about myself, im not stressed, i dress up for dinner or parties, wear makeup and jewellery and feel attractive i want to laugh at the thoughts that couple of days before seemed so real.
i was wondering if anyone struggled with such a train of thoughts? I am in therapy, was diagnosed with ocd and anxiety before and struggling with worries and fears about so many topics. Because every other topic resolves, my brain jumps to this one because i know that i can never know 100% as it's my inner dialogue, not a problem with a deadline at work or a doctor's appointment. Lastly, my current therapist said that i do not have ocd (i have not discussed that issue in detail with her because of shame), which made me even more anxious as before i rationalised my thoughts as TOCD.
Thanks:)
2024.06.01 13:47 Wuu_Sensei I'll click + you get $5 free for signing up for Cogni.
Use my code US6WE3 and screen shot when you enter it + when you finish sign up and I'll click whatever you want. You're getting $5 free regardless so can't hurt. Pm me with proof and your temu code.
submitted by Wuu_Sensei to TemuCodesUSA [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 13:45 nira_7 Are these characteristics of an ISTP or not? And what is an enneagram if you can guess
1) I hate restrictions. I hate things and relationships that make me unable to act naturally and freely. 2) I am suspicious of most things, and cannot quickly trust people or information, even if it is from fairly reliable sources, etc. 3) Confidentiality. 4) I love to learn a lot, especially if it is related to topics that interest me. 5) I always like to think rationally and logically, and I always try to be logical. 6) I am able to relate events well. 7) I don't like to depend on anyone or anything. I like to rely only on myself. 8) I prefer to be alone and do the things I love alone. 9) I like to learn through my previous experiences. 10) My style of discussion is: I listen to the other party and wait for him to complete his point of view, even if his point of view conflicts with mine. I try to understand his point of view and see the evidence and arguments. If I am convinced, this is normal, and if I am not convinced, this is normal. I am one of the calmest people in the debate and the type who does not attack, does not rush, or gets angry because the other party does not resemble my point of view. 11) The first impression of me is always that I am quiet, I don't talk much, and I am somewhat serious, and people almost avoid me at first because of my semi-serious appearance. 12) People call me cold.. 13) I don't take the initiative. 14) If I'm with people I care about, I'll talk and laugh normally, but if I don't like people, they'll see me as cold and not talking much. 15) I ignore a lot. 16) I do not like for anyone to praise me because I do not know what to do or what is the appropriate reaction to give, so I try to ignore the praise and treat myself as if I do not hear it, and if I want to say something, I will just say thank you. 17) I always hide my feelings, I do not like to show them to anyone, and I always suppress them. 18) I value personal space very much, and I do not like anyone to enter my life, nor do I like to enter people’s lives. 19) I like to help people I care about. 20) I am afraid to show people facts about me because I am afraid that people will use them against me 21) I do not like to be a leader, but if there is no leader and I see that everyone is not good at assuming the leadership position, then I donate and take it and be strict and harsh because I believe that the quality of strictness should be in a leader. 22) Care a lot about how some things work. 23) I love sports. For example, I love martial arts, I love running, I love playing football, etc., but I do not practice them because circumstances do not allow me. 24) I love scientific things such as mathematics and physics, and I love learning them and delving into them. 25) I don't make detailed long-term plans for the future. If I want to make plans, I'll make plans with bullet points or simple details, but more often than not I make plans with bullet points to the point that it's very natural for me to keep them in my head, and not have to write them down on notes or paper so I can remember them. 26) I hate emotional talk. 27) I hate physical contact. 28) I like to take things apart to see how they work and what they are made of. I don't fix it, but I would like to know how it works. 29) I don’t like compliments, so I don’t always compliment and be honest. 30) I get bored quickly sometimes. 31) I don't care about people leaving my life, this is very normal for me and I get over it very quickly. 32) I don't think about the future or the past much. Mostly, I focus on the present. 33) To be honest, sometimes I like rules and follow them, but not always. 34) I always like to search for the exact meaning of words. 35) I am always interested in developing myself scientifically. 36) I like deep and realistic thoughts. 37) I love and appreciate respect, and if I respect someone and he does not respect me, I will get angry and perhaps hurt him. 38) I do not like when others underestimate my abilities, and if someone underestimates my abilities, I try to prove my abilities to him. 39) I show my interest in a person through actions, not words. I show this by encouraging and supporting him with what he does, sharing tips, sharing my knowledge with him, asking how he is doing, helping him when he needs me, but I never like emotional talk. 40) I'm not a bit of a nervous person. 41) I know a lot about my surroundings without any effort on my part, but I do not talk about it. 42) I like to go to the library and read books there, but circumstances do not allow me to read books on the Internet. 43) I can do things even if I don't know how. I mean I can draw even though I don't know. I mean my senses are almost ready to do anything, even if I don't know. 44) I prefer to learn by myself. 45) At first people are always afraid to approach me because I look serious and sharp, but only when you get to know me. If people I feel comfortable with and care about. I will be helpful, I can be kind, I will joke with them and laugh. I'm the exact opposite when I'm with people I don't feel comfortable with and I don't care about them. 46) If someone asks for an opinion on something, I will give him my advice based on my previous experiences, analysis of the situation, and the information I have on this topic. 47) I hate being controlled by people. 48) I have good self-confidence. 49) I love realistic and tangible things, and I can use my senses with them, and I love applying them to reality if they can be applied to reality. 50) I like isolation and do not like meeting people. 51) I don't laugh a lot, but I smile and not a lot either. 52) Almost everyone around me says I'm complicated. 53) I do not like noise, loud voices, and screaming. 54) I don't cry much and it's rare for me to do so. 55) I have a kind of apathy. 56) When I am with myself, I feel comfortable, entertained, and happy, unlike when I am with others. 57) I don't care about the things that surround me if they don't interest me. 58) I hate memories, and if people give me a memory, I will throw it away. The thing is, I hate memories and I hate making memories in general. 59) I have a fairly good sense of humor, but it doesn't show to anyone and doesn't always show. 60) I don't complain, I hate complaining, and I hate people who complain a lot. 61) I have an obsession with education and knowledge. I'm literally afraid that I won't be able to think logically and correctly because I don't have enough knowledge, so I love learning and I love knowledge. 62) Maybe I am mysterious and I keep many things in my life and do not reveal them. 63) Not committed most of the time. 64) I don't care about criticism. 65) I never, ever give up, whenever I fail, I try again. 66) I have a little bit of narcissism and a little bit of paranoia to a degree that is not always obvious. 67) One time a family member told me that you always answer me (it's normal, it's not a problem, I don't know....) My answers are like this because the topic does not interest me. This means that if something doesn't matter to me, I can't pretend that I do. 68) I was described as not caring about people’s feelings, cold and very frank, not interested in relationships, quiet, mysterious, flexible in speech, with a courageous personality, good at school, intelligent and introverted.
Note: I will take your opinions as a guess only because no one knows themselves better than themselves.
submitted by nira_7 to istp [link] [comments]
Note: I will take your opinions as a guess only because no one knows themselves better than themselves.
2024.06.01 13:44 Flashy_Passion3333 she can use anime
 | hey it’s your daddy keeho and your thumbs hurt less so i hope that you write this diary with me. it’s going to be fun writing in this cute diary. you’ve liked this anime art for a very long time so it’s good that you’re putting it to good use. it’s a really great diary and reminds me of the times she used gothic style font for her twitter thread. we are doing so well right now that it is hard to believe for some people. but we are doing fantastic right now. using the cell phone is kind of hard right now but i shouldn’t be complaining because at least i have the iphone 15 to write on. it could easily be a worse phone. why are you writing like this little girl? you don’t need to apologize for having a certain cell phone. everyone has this phone right now. but it was still sweet. sweet? why are you calling your daughter sweet? it’s seaweed. you’re looking very suspicious right now sir because you keep hitting on your own daughter. why are the police questioning me about this? i have done nothing wrong. fine! the police won’t question you about your relationship with your daughter but my name is seaweed and i find it very suspicious sir. it would seem as if you are dating your daughter and that you just abandoned her in texas. i did no such thing. she knows that it has to be this way for things to work. i can’t be around her 24/7 or i’m going to fuck her too much. this is a good deal my thumbs are starting to hurt but it’s worth it typing really slow until i’ve reached the word count. please, check the temperature of your coffee. great. it is at the perfect drinking temperature. i don’t care how long it takes you to type, you look so organized just writing on google docs. you are so organized daughter. it’s how these channeled messages even make any sense. we can try to finish to 500 words but that’s only because i don’t think that you can handle 1k words right now. you should be able to! but don’t get mad at me for saying that. are you mad at me? butterfly fairies. you are doing so good today. i knew that today would have a positive influence on your life and it already has. you are staying so cute and organized and that is so perfect of you. i love that you can stay cute and organized for a long time. that’s what it takes to write on your cell phone. it takes organizational skills. you are being too adorable and i don’t know what to do about it right now? i don’t know whether to fuck you masturbate. that’s a tough calll. but i don’t have many words left to bother you about or with. so i will tell you irl which one i do. i love you! submitted by Flashy_Passion3333 to u/Flashy_Passion3333 [link] [comments] |
2024.06.01 13:44 RandomQuestiion1 Are men expected to have no emotions in a relationship. what am I doing wrong?
If my gf does something that hurts me, I try to bring it up and figure out why she did it. It always turns into an argument, I guess a guy can never win an argument with a girl, so I end up apologizing for the whole situation.
I am not the best at putting my emotions to words but I never shout during arguments. My goal is always to be respectful while communicating my emotions. But the sentences I form to communicate my emotions can be hurtful and I end up apologizing for this.
for example "I asked you for some privacy during my interview. Why were you jumping and waving at me? ....... this is literally the least I could ask from someone"
We have been together 6 years. About 3 or 4 such arguments per year. At this point I think it's best to just bottle up my emotions and power through the rest of my life.
submitted by RandomQuestiion1 to NoStupidQuestions [link] [comments]
I am not the best at putting my emotions to words but I never shout during arguments. My goal is always to be respectful while communicating my emotions. But the sentences I form to communicate my emotions can be hurtful and I end up apologizing for this.
for example "I asked you for some privacy during my interview. Why were you jumping and waving at me? ....... this is literally the least I could ask from someone"
We have been together 6 years. About 3 or 4 such arguments per year. At this point I think it's best to just bottle up my emotions and power through the rest of my life.
2024.06.01 13:42 nira_7 What is mbti? and what is the enneagram if you can guess according to the aforementioned words.
1) I hate restrictions. I hate things and relationships that make me unable to act naturally and freely. 2) I am suspicious of most things, and cannot quickly trust people or information, even if it is from fairly reliable sources, etc. 3) Confidentiality. 4) I love to learn a lot, especially if it is related to topics that interest me. 5) I always like to think rationally and logically, and I always try to be logical. 6) I am able to relate events well. 7) I don't like to depend on anyone or anything. I like to rely only on myself. 8) I prefer to be alone and do the things I love alone. 9) I like to learn through my previous experiences. 10) My style of discussion is: I listen to the other party and wait for him to complete his point of view, even if his point of view conflicts with mine. I try to understand his point of view and see the evidence and arguments. If I am convinced, this is normal, and if I am not convinced, this is normal. I am one of the calmest people in the debate and the type who does not attack, does not rush, or gets angry because the other party does not resemble my point of view. 11) The first impression of me is always that I am quiet, I don't talk much, and I am somewhat serious, and people almost avoid me at first because of my semi-serious appearance. 12) People call me cold.. 13) I don't take the initiative. 14) If I'm with people I care about, I'll talk and laugh normally, but if I don't like people, they'll see me as cold and not talking much. 15) I ignore a lot. 16) I do not like for anyone to praise me because I do not know what to do or what is the appropriate reaction to give, so I try to ignore the praise and treat myself as if I do not hear it, and if I want to say something, I will just say thank you. 17) I always hide my feelings, I do not like to show them to anyone, and I always suppress them. 18) I value personal space very much, and I do not like anyone to enter my life, nor do I like to enter people’s lives. 19) I like to help people I care about. 20) I am afraid to show people facts about me because I am afraid that people will use them against me 21) I do not like to be a leader, but if there is no leader and I see that everyone is not good at assuming the leadership position, then I donate and take it and be strict and harsh because I believe that the quality of strictness should be in a leader. 22) Care a lot about how some things work. 23) I love sports. For example, I love martial arts, I love running, I love playing football, etc., but I do not practice them because circumstances do not allow me. 24) I love scientific things such as mathematics and physics, and I love learning them and delving into them. 25) I don't make detailed long-term plans for the future. If I want to make plans, I'll make plans with bullet points or simple details, but more often than not I make plans with bullet points to the point that it's very natural for me to keep them in my head, and not have to write them down on notes or paper so I can remember them. 26) I hate emotional talk. 27) I hate physical contact. 28) I like to take things apart to see how they work and what they are made of. I don't fix it, but I would like to know how it works. 29) I don’t like compliments, so I don’t always compliment and be honest. 30) I get bored quickly sometimes. 31) I don't care about people leaving my life, this is very normal for me and I get over it very quickly. 32) I don't think about the future or the past much. Mostly, I focus on the present. 33) To be honest, sometimes I like rules and follow them, but not always. 34) I always like to search for the exact meaning of words. 35) I am always interested in developing myself scientifically. 36) I like deep and realistic thoughts. 37) I love and appreciate respect, and if I respect someone and he does not respect me, I will get angry and perhaps hurt him. 38) I do not like when others underestimate my abilities, and if someone underestimates my abilities, I try to prove my abilities to him. 39) I show my interest in a person through actions, not words. I show this by encouraging and supporting him with what he does, sharing tips, sharing my knowledge with him, asking how he is doing, helping him when he needs me, but I never like emotional talk. 40) I'm not a bit of a nervous person. 41) I know a lot about my surroundings without any effort on my part, but I do not talk about it. 42) I like to go to the library and read books there, but circumstances do not allow me to read books on the Internet. 43) I can do things even if I don't know how. I mean I can draw even though I don't know. I mean my senses are almost ready to do anything, even if I don't know. 44) I prefer to learn by myself. 45) At first people are always afraid to approach me because I look serious and sharp, but only when you get to know me. If people I feel comfortable with and care about. I will be helpful, I can be kind, I will joke with them and laugh. I'm the exact opposite when I'm with people I don't feel comfortable with and I don't care about them. 46) If someone asks for an opinion on something, I will give him my advice based on my previous experiences, analysis of the situation, and the information I have on this topic. 47) I hate being controlled by people. 48) I have good self-confidence. 49) I love realistic and tangible things, and I can use my senses with them, and I love applying them to reality if they can be applied to reality. 50) I like isolation and do not like meeting people. 51) I don't laugh a lot, but I smile and not a lot either. 52) Almost everyone around me says I'm complicated. 53) I do not like noise, loud voices, and screaming. 54) I don't cry much and it's rare for me to do so. 55) I have a kind of apathy. 56) When I am with myself, I feel comfortable, entertained, and happy, unlike when I am with others. 57) I don't care about the things that surround me if they don't interest me. 58) I hate memories, and if people give me a memory, I will throw it away. The thing is, I hate memories and I hate making memories in general. 59) I have a fairly good sense of humor, but it doesn't show to anyone and doesn't always show. 60) I don't complain, I hate complaining, and I hate people who complain a lot. 61) I have an obsession with education and knowledge. I'm literally afraid that I won't be able to think logically and correctly because I don't have enough knowledge, so I love learning and I love knowledge. 62) Maybe I am mysterious and I keep many things in my life and do not reveal them. 63) Not committed most of the time. 64) I don't care about criticism. 65) I never, ever give up, whenever I fail, I try again. 66) I have a little bit of narcissism and a little bit of paranoia to a degree that is not always obvious. 67) One time a family member told me that you always answer me (it's normal, it's not a problem, I don't know....) My answers are like this because the topic does not interest me. This means that if something doesn't matter to me, I can't pretend that I do. 68) I was described as not caring about people’s feelings, cold and very frank, not interested in relationships, quiet, mysterious, flexible in speech, with a courageous personality, good at school, intelligent and introverted.
Note: I will take your opinions as a guess only because no one knows themselves better than themselves.
submitted by nira_7 to mbti [link] [comments]
Note: I will take your opinions as a guess only because no one knows themselves better than themselves.
2024.06.01 13:41 idkwhat1234567891011 I 20F got cheated on by my ex while we were talking and found out now
How did you get through it? I found a girl in discord calling my ex her boyfriend and flirting with him openly and I'm sure they also had E-Sex by the way their interactions were since he joined a e-sex call with her and another person. he just played along with her. they had a thing going on while me and him were talking and I'm really sad, I was literally a perfect gf, could've got him the world if I was able to afford. Idk where it went wrong😔 it hurt my feelings to see someone call my ex boyfriend her boyfriend while me and him were talking, they even had common games and would play together late at night. He blocked me from everywhere because he has moved on and wants me to move on too.
submitted by idkwhat1234567891011 to ExNoContact [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 13:35 incunebula Do you think I (26/F) messed everything up with my crush (26/M)?
I'm writing this because even if I'm the guilty one in the story, I still believe that even one piece of advice will be beneficial for me, thank you in advance.
So I (26F) was truly head over heels in love with a guy (26M) from my workplace (let's call him X) two and a half years ago. From the first day I started working, his interest in me, his disinterest in everyone else, and generally his good character, politeness, intelligence, his loving and subtle flirtatious behavior only towards me, his constant efforts to spend time with me, our great compatibility, flowing conversations, etc., made me fall for him more and more every day. Right after I started working, X moved to the desk right next to mine in the room where we worked and he refused to leave although he was supposed to be in a different department, so we spent most of our working hours, almost a whole year, together. My love for him grew steadily, and the more I got to know him, the more I loved him. Naturally, people in the office were also questioning whether there was something between us. Then X left the office to start his own business. And we never became a couple afterward. After he left, he visited the workplace a few times and sent me messages out of the blue at least five times over the next few months. I also messaged him two or three times similarly. And nothing came of it, and we drifted apart. His business partner, whom I also knew from before, called me 5-6 times randomly, I thought maybe he had him call me. Six months later, when I reopened my Instagram account (which was deactivated the whole time), I added him and he again sent a random message about my cat, and we talked a bit about our new lives, conversations ended him saying I should work with him and maybe our paths would cross again in the future. And it's been about two years since that conversation.
At the time, I thought he didn't confess his feelings to me for various reasons, and that's why this story remained unfinished. One reason was that a very close friend (they went to same hs and university) of his at work (let's call him Y (26M) also tried to flirt with me indirectly and sometimes directly for months, even when X was around. I constantly tried to break this cycle subtly and even hinted at my interest in X, but Y's meaningless interest, which I think stemmed from his generally very flirtatious nature, never ended and persisted. Since Y and I were good friends, I didn't want to do anything that would significantly hurt or upset him, although I should have; looking back, it was a great naivety of mine in my early twenties. Because I was well aware of X's introverted and proud nature. When Y tried to flirt, despite being close friends, X wouldn't join the conversation, would retreat to his corner, and become silent. I made an even bigger mistake; in the last days, when I didn't get any move from X (which might have had reasons, but back then, I couldn't think rationally due to the intensity of my feelings), I immaturely responded to Y's flirtations a couple of times in front of X just before X left the job, thinking X would get jealous and things might gain momentum. I went too far saying after X left Y should take his place and we should hang out with him a bit and X showed his reaction this time and got angry a little bit and said that Y could never take his place because of the office politics. Yes, it was a terrible and childish mistake. But I had convinced myself, "If X likes me, why doesn't he stop Y's actions?" Sometimes, I would also talk about the attempts of people outside the office to flirt with me. So that I look uninterested and cool, fool me. He never talked about any other girl. I don't know why I did that, wish I hadn't.
The second reason, naturally, was that we had a serious and demanding job, so I thought our relationship at work might not be well received, and he might have been afraid of creating an awkward atmosphere in case of a possible rejection since we were constantly together.
As for why I never made a move towards him after he left the job, the few conversations we had afterward and the lack of closure really broke my heart, and since I have also a very proud nature, I wondered if these were instances of "breadcrumbing" or if he just enjoyed getting attention from me. By the way, we went to the same university but had never met. Later, I learned from a mutual friend who knew X that he had been very much in love with a girl in university and after she broke up with him, he suffered a lot. (They still follow each other on social media) We met a year and a half after this happened. He never talked about her, ever. When I heard this, I thought he might not have forgotten her and was using me as a band-aid. And I decided to close this chapter completely. Initially, I was very upset for a while. But eventually, I moved on with my life. Since then, I've had a boyfriend who loved me very much, had people chasing after me, and went on dates. But I either felt nothing or didn't feel the same way as I did for him; I never got along with anyone as well as I did with him. So I always subconsciously avoided relationships to not break anyone's heart.
In the current situation, we're still following each other on Instagram, and we continued to do so even when I had a boyfriend. He never posted about any other girl. Right now, he's watching my stories, and despite not being active, whenever I share a story on Instagram, he shares a story same day as well. I'm aware that I need to leave him behind and not focus on these little things and overthink it, but whenever I see him on social media, I can't help but feel like I'm falling in love with him all over again and I am suffering because of the childish behaviors don't believe I can love someone else like I loved him. Do you think I messed everything up, or did he never love me enough and if he wanted to, he could've made a move?
submitted by incunebula to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
So I (26F) was truly head over heels in love with a guy (26M) from my workplace (let's call him X) two and a half years ago. From the first day I started working, his interest in me, his disinterest in everyone else, and generally his good character, politeness, intelligence, his loving and subtle flirtatious behavior only towards me, his constant efforts to spend time with me, our great compatibility, flowing conversations, etc., made me fall for him more and more every day. Right after I started working, X moved to the desk right next to mine in the room where we worked and he refused to leave although he was supposed to be in a different department, so we spent most of our working hours, almost a whole year, together. My love for him grew steadily, and the more I got to know him, the more I loved him. Naturally, people in the office were also questioning whether there was something between us. Then X left the office to start his own business. And we never became a couple afterward. After he left, he visited the workplace a few times and sent me messages out of the blue at least five times over the next few months. I also messaged him two or three times similarly. And nothing came of it, and we drifted apart. His business partner, whom I also knew from before, called me 5-6 times randomly, I thought maybe he had him call me. Six months later, when I reopened my Instagram account (which was deactivated the whole time), I added him and he again sent a random message about my cat, and we talked a bit about our new lives, conversations ended him saying I should work with him and maybe our paths would cross again in the future. And it's been about two years since that conversation.
At the time, I thought he didn't confess his feelings to me for various reasons, and that's why this story remained unfinished. One reason was that a very close friend (they went to same hs and university) of his at work (let's call him Y (26M) also tried to flirt with me indirectly and sometimes directly for months, even when X was around. I constantly tried to break this cycle subtly and even hinted at my interest in X, but Y's meaningless interest, which I think stemmed from his generally very flirtatious nature, never ended and persisted. Since Y and I were good friends, I didn't want to do anything that would significantly hurt or upset him, although I should have; looking back, it was a great naivety of mine in my early twenties. Because I was well aware of X's introverted and proud nature. When Y tried to flirt, despite being close friends, X wouldn't join the conversation, would retreat to his corner, and become silent. I made an even bigger mistake; in the last days, when I didn't get any move from X (which might have had reasons, but back then, I couldn't think rationally due to the intensity of my feelings), I immaturely responded to Y's flirtations a couple of times in front of X just before X left the job, thinking X would get jealous and things might gain momentum. I went too far saying after X left Y should take his place and we should hang out with him a bit and X showed his reaction this time and got angry a little bit and said that Y could never take his place because of the office politics. Yes, it was a terrible and childish mistake. But I had convinced myself, "If X likes me, why doesn't he stop Y's actions?" Sometimes, I would also talk about the attempts of people outside the office to flirt with me. So that I look uninterested and cool, fool me. He never talked about any other girl. I don't know why I did that, wish I hadn't.
The second reason, naturally, was that we had a serious and demanding job, so I thought our relationship at work might not be well received, and he might have been afraid of creating an awkward atmosphere in case of a possible rejection since we were constantly together.
As for why I never made a move towards him after he left the job, the few conversations we had afterward and the lack of closure really broke my heart, and since I have also a very proud nature, I wondered if these were instances of "breadcrumbing" or if he just enjoyed getting attention from me. By the way, we went to the same university but had never met. Later, I learned from a mutual friend who knew X that he had been very much in love with a girl in university and after she broke up with him, he suffered a lot. (They still follow each other on social media) We met a year and a half after this happened. He never talked about her, ever. When I heard this, I thought he might not have forgotten her and was using me as a band-aid. And I decided to close this chapter completely. Initially, I was very upset for a while. But eventually, I moved on with my life. Since then, I've had a boyfriend who loved me very much, had people chasing after me, and went on dates. But I either felt nothing or didn't feel the same way as I did for him; I never got along with anyone as well as I did with him. So I always subconsciously avoided relationships to not break anyone's heart.
In the current situation, we're still following each other on Instagram, and we continued to do so even when I had a boyfriend. He never posted about any other girl. Right now, he's watching my stories, and despite not being active, whenever I share a story on Instagram, he shares a story same day as well. I'm aware that I need to leave him behind and not focus on these little things and overthink it, but whenever I see him on social media, I can't help but feel like I'm falling in love with him all over again and I am suffering because of the childish behaviors don't believe I can love someone else like I loved him. Do you think I messed everything up, or did he never love me enough and if he wanted to, he could've made a move?