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Hi there. I don't know how long ago but my Facebook reels started showing me narrated Reddit stories and I got addicted. I loved how people seemed to get actual help and advice for their issues so that's why I came to this forum.
I have been married for over 15 years. We met just out of high-school and moved rather quickly. We were married less than 18 months after meeting. Back then, I was 1000% sure this was the one to grow old and expire happy with. I know the flame eventually dies down but a while back, it damn near extinguished. We were both large people. The weren't skinny when we met and we only got bigger. At our peak, we were together half a ton (do the math yourself). At that size, I didn't find myself at all attractive and didn't find my wife hot either. We had our one child and couldn't get pregnant again (The excess weight was the cause of it- I'll explain why shortly). But sex had slowed down and when we did have it, it was pretty quick anyway. Being that out of shape, I had little to no stamina. We even got into a fight once where she asked me if I found her attractive anymore and I told her no. But things changed shortly after the pandemic. We had good jobs and insurance and were both able to get bariatric surgery. We've both lost a considerable amount of weight. I'm literally less than half the man I used to be and I think I'm smaller now than I was back even I'm high school. She's been doing great as well and lost almost as much as I have. We even were able to get pregnant and have a new baby.
But , with that weightloss came attention I wasn't ready for and I stepped out on my marriage. To be fair, even before that i had gotten onto apps to see what's out there. I would put on the profile that I was married and just looking to flirt. I wanted to kill time with the apps. Those would fill my attention bucket since it wasn't being filled at home. For the most part, the women on there could understand. One even said "you just wanna see if you can still hunt without actually making a kill?" And that was going okay for a while but then it got too serious. I had met someone and I even fell in love with another woman and tried to divorce my wife. I had moved out and gotten an apartment and everything ... I loved how that other person made me feel. You see, my job keeps me out late and traveling. Im a full time musician. So the wife stayed home. And since we were big, even when she could come out- she wouldn't want to. And on the even more extreme rare chance she did, i wouldnt be proud to show her off. And it seemed like she was only there to get out of the house and get drunk. It wasn't to support me, but to escape motherhood. She works hard and she does deserve a break, I knew that but it still felt bad to me. To have a wife be there, get f*ed up and seemingly not give a damn or pay attention to me. In my eyes, she stopped showing that she loved me. I felt like a roommate in my own home that occasionally she decided to sleep with. But this other person made me feel important. She was infatuated with me.
But I decided, no matter what, I couldn't break up my family like that. I tried to and thought I could do it. But I love my kids to much. I would be seeing them part time just to have her full time and I just couldn't do it. This other woman was/is an amazing woman. If things were different (like my wife had divorced me and was the one to break up the home) this person would have been perfect fit to my broken heart and home. But there's a difference in finding an amazing port in a terrible storm and causing a storm (I hope that makes sense)
So that brings me to now... I'm moved back into my house with my wife. I cut off all contact with the other person and blocked her on all social media. I removed apps that allowed me to do those bad things (Snapchat, WhatsApp, tinder, etc) and I wanna fall in love with my wife again but I don't know how to. I still feel alot of guilt. And , I hate to say it, I'm not that attracted to her atm. She's lost alot of weight but as a result, she has alot of excess skin. We are both working hard at saving money to pay for surgery to remove the skin and to do breast augmentation, but im worried that won't be enough. That I'll still feel like a roommate. I've decided no matter what, imma stay here. If I never fall in love again, so be it. Im going to do it for the kids. Her and I are a great pair as partners. We rarely fight, so it's not like staying just for the kids would be a terrible option. I don't think I'm going to F them up or be those parents who fight day and night and should have divorced ages ago. We've had plenty of conversations and I see now that she never stopped loving me. She was showing it in a way that I didn't see. Or in a way that I didn't receive love. Like our love languages changed and we drifted apart. Now when I'm on a trip for work and she'll call and tell me she misses me, she'll ask if I miss her. And I don't. Idk how to change that or how to make myself long for her. She deserves to be loved and cherished. Like how I used to love and cherish her... I do love her but im not IN love with her. I know that sounds stupid and cliché , but it's the best way I can describe it.
So what can I do to get that spark back?
What can I do to Snuff out the spark for that other person? I hate to admit it but I do miss her. I've never broken up with anyone so I have never had to walk away from someone and maybe that's it? Idk how to do that step?
I hope this didn't come off too scattered or rambling. Any advice would be helpful. Please don't hop on just to talk crap and put me down, I know I messed up. I am trying to fix it and be a better man and live up to the being the husband I used to be. The husband she deserves.
TL;DR advice needed to fall back in love with my wife after 15+yrs of marriage and coming back from infidelity

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Previous BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking, assault, physical violence, gaslighting
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
Update 4 May 14, 2024
Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him.
I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex.
Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess.
My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed.

NEW UPDATE

Update on leaving May 26, 2024
It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change.
Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in.
The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not.
He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA.
Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage.
I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Hey, everyone! I have PCOS. I have 2 beautiful sons from fertility treatments. My husband isn’t against baby #3 but doesn’t necessarily want to go through the fertility treatments and costs again. If it happens naturally that would be fine with him.
I am a very tough ovulation case. Clomid and Femara did absolutely nothing for me and did not make me ovulate. I ended up having to take Gonal-F to produce mature follicles, then we became pregnant via IUI.
I also typically have no menstrual cycle. I had occasional spotting, but no true period in the last two years. I started myo-inositol and got a light period the first month. I’m on month 3 now and this last period was extremely heavy and long. I am wondering if you all think it’s possible that the myo-inositol is triggering ovulation as well as the cycle? The only other thing that I’ve noticed is that my libido has improved a lot.
Did anyone with anovulatory PCOS get pregnant on myo-inositol alone?

Injuries: Traumatic subarachnoid haemorrhage / Traumatic subdural haemorrhage / Fracture of mandible, part unspecified / Fracture of the clavicle, part unspecified / Traumatic pneumothorax / Multiple rib fractures involving four or more ribs / Fracture of the pelvis, part unspecified / Fracture of lumbar vertebra, L3 level / Injury of bladder, unspecified / Closed fracture scapula, blade - Left / Diffuse brain injury / Intracerebral haemorrhage, intraventricular / Fracture or disruption of pelvis / Fracture of mandible, closed - Left / Multiple fractures of ribs / Fracture of clavicle - Left / Fracture of scapula - Left
What happened? The passenger ripped the handbrake causing my 350z to spin out of control and crash into a tree at high speed in the township era ( the tree still stands to this day)
P.s I Don't mix with that type of people anymore
I lived through it
Year 1: Personal review, A total cluster f*** I remember being convinced that I was a “ gold digger” I was getting confused with thoughts and memories. I treated my partner (now wife ) like completely different through community rehabilitation, I was convinced that she was cheating on me because I didn't recall getting her pregnant nor remember wanting kids. ( as I am writing this I'm a happy dad to two children. 2 year old boy and a 6-month-old boy). I don't remember 2022 or anything prior to the injury. I was in a commer for 6 months to a year.
Year 2: my memory returned but I didn't trust my memory because it was shot, I would remember things that never occurred Wasn't until last week that my “working “memory returned. I would remember 60% of my day ( for example: be in a completely different room and be able to form a list of groceries)
Review: would not recommend to anyone to try just to take a break from work P.s this is just a summary of what I did and how it all played out Do not use this as a reference for how long it will take for memory to return. Everyone is different

Ok this is going to be a long one but this is my first ever post about my life this is a burner account. My girlfriend (f 31) of 14 years broke up with me (m 32) a few months ago and we still live together we broke up because I let myself get too far gone. I suffer from depression and anxiety as well as PTSD from having an abusive schizophrenic mother who's a narcissist, I also got into gangs when I was young to give you some background anyway our problems started almost a year into our relationship i didn't know i had PTSD yet but I got into fights with friends and even my dad a man I respect and am closer to than anyone other than my ex and my kids anyway I always had fits and one day she tried to hit me and I smacked her hand to the table she fractured her arm and I took her to the hospital she panicked and made up something about being jumped and the cops came and I think she told them I was the cause after a while but renigged her statement later they interrogated me for hours at the station I knew not to tell the police the truth is I felt bad I felt guilty I loved her so I told the truth we both missed each other and she lived with me and my parents we rented an apartment from my dad and him and my mom lived in another at the time we had a no contact order but she got on the phone when I called my parents and pretended to be someone else and we talked and they brought it up in court I ended up having to take a dv charge I was set to win the case but they used the phone calls against us and threatened charges on her and my parents if i didn't plead guilty so I pleaded guilty and when I got out she got pregnant she was working a good job at the time but she got into a car accident she already took a pregnancy test so we knew she was pregnant and I was happy I knew she would make a good mother and I knew i wanted her to be the mother of my children and my forever since the day we met we had already had a miscarriage and she had a whole in her heart from a child that she took care of in her past relationship she was a runaway and had past trauma of her own her mother was abusive as well and every boyfriend she ever had abused her I was supposed to be different I didn't know I was so broken if I knew I had PTSD I would have left her alone but we fell in love deeply I want to say nothing happened when she was pregnant but it did we got into a bad argument and I kicked the basinet and it hit her in the stomach immediately snapped out of it after that nothing else happened until the baby was born our child was born 3 weeks premature and was my pride and joy still is my ex had postpartum so I spent a lot of time with the baby and because of the accident my ex was passing out and having seizures which later we found out were psudo seizures but they felt real and sometimes she passed out or had a seizure and woke up not knowing where she was who she was who I was but she said my voice calmed her down and I was always able to bring her back to reality she got a few concussions from her seizures but also a few from me if I'm being honest I went to the neurologist with her because of the concussions she got from the seizures but to later give her one I was disgusted with myself but she couldn't work anymore so I looked for job i couldn't find anything so I worked for the apartments under the table but that dried up I found something else it dried up too I kept looking but it was useless I had to move back in with my parents with my ex and our first born they had a 3 bedroom and we paid them well she did I eventually got on SSI because of the physical pain from my mother's abuse bipolar disorder depression and PTSD I already went to get help when my ex was pregnant because I wanted to know why I was doing what I was doing my parents wanted me to get a check so they sent me to the counselor but I wanted to get help with my relationship and being honest helped me get my diagnosis but I lost that counselor like I lost every counselor I ever actually felt i could actually open up to anyway we are in my parents house and my mom is a big trigger for me we were paying rent and she accused us of stealing even coming in our room uninvited by then she was pregnant with our youngest and I wasnt perfect then either I was still struggling with my PTSD I did for years I pushed her in the closet and told her she couldn't leave my mom was there watching a constant trigger I snapped out of it but things got bad between my ex and my mom and they started to fight each other never physical but verbal and after she had the baby she almost died she lost a lot of blood I didn't know if I could trust my mom with the baby so I didn't go I still regret that decision but when she came back we waited for a few more and I used my back pay to get her a car and to get out of my mom's house our oldest has high spectrum autism and is really smart and talkative but after that short time living with my parents she developed selective mutism and we had to take her to speach therapy so we put up with roaches for 15 months just to get away from my mom and at the new place she got her lick back she was trying to beat on me and she was trying to stab me from time to time i had a PTSD attack and it would be back and forth but to be honest this started a new problem i was young and I used to flirt i kissed a girl once when we first started dating it was an ex she also slept with her ex best friend before I got locked up again just background truth is i was a flirt for a few years I was young and still searching for the approval i never got from my mom in other women I'm not proud of it though I was talking to women on Craigslist friends only and casual encounters sadly I wasn't trying to cheat i wanted someone i didn't know to talk to about my problem I stopped talking to all my female friends and she stopped talking to her male friends at each other's requests because of the cheating and I stopped talking to anyone that would be around a lot of women and all my other friends were either too gangster to listen or already in happy situations so I wanted to talk to a stranger that was a woman for advice I don't know what it is but women give better advice so I foolishly went to Craigslist and got caught but I ended up actually cheating months later with an ex that I thought I could be friends with but she was my first love and I told her some of what I was going through and we ended up having sex I was feeling guilty and took forever to get hard she had an IUD it was horrible tbh and on top of that she tried to 3 way my ex just to get me to admit it was her after my ex called her and acted like she wasn't the one i cheated with the whole time she tried to ruin my relationship after that after a year of trying and going to specialist my ex got her own SSI check and we got out of our roach infested apartment things were ok I had been trying to work on my triggers and had way less PTSD attacks and things were better for a few years she had a problem with me liking pictures on Instagram and I admit I hate being told what to do especially when I feel I'm doing nothing wrong and I was liking everything not just girls and I never commented anything but where did you get that shirt my girl would love that or happy birthday or thank you and I never slid in dms none of that I just liked pictures and I worked on it eventually because it was the only thing we argued about after a while but then everything changed we got into a big fight and I called her a name she ran at me got on the bed and punched me in the jaw so hard like I'm pretty tough I been hit in the face with a bat and when I tell you she hit me she hit me and when she went to hit me again I just reacted I flipped her then I blacked out I woke up and my hands were wrapped around her neck I snapped out of it and my parents took her to the hospital another thing I never learned to drive my step dad the man I call dad is a good man and a hard worker but he was a drug addict and a thug who was a alcoholic so he never had a license my whole life and my mom was to selfish to teach me I was always to poor for lessons my girl is the best driver I know but never taught me because she would say things like I'll be cheating as soon as I learn to drive so I never learned I regret that too anyway they took her to the doctor and she tore her hamstring I tried to take care of her but she wasn't having it she didn't stay rested she stayed on her feet one time she even punched me when I tried to help we were still in love but it was dying we eventually made up but every year after that she was telling me she needed help telling me she was falling out of love she asked me to help around the house I was lazy at the beginning of our relationship and I got used to her cleaning but by the time we got out of the roaches my depression got so much worse I was trying to get help until COVID kept losing counselors to the point I stopped telling them about my whole life and I started skipping straight to me and my ex I wanted help I was tired of hurting the woman I love but something else happened we got into an argument and I said something slick and she tried to stab me I evaded her and calmed her down but the argument went into the next day I locked myself in the bathroom and she tried to break the door down we had a sword in the bathroom for security and I threatened to stab her with it she had a panic attack and called the police I got a misdemeanor harassment charge but I never got mad I worked on myself I didn't want us to argue like that anymore I got out of jail and I was ordered to go to anger management I wish they made me go the very first time but when I went I embraced it and used it to help me with my triggers and that helped not only with my PTSD but with my fight or flight response as well after I got out I came clean about everything and even about the ex I cheated with man she beat me in the head so bad I got multiple concussions but I wasn't mad I actually felt good because I didn't black out I was doing it i was working on my triggers but we kept arguing and every year she told me that she still loves me and wants to make it work but she's losing interest and I told her I'd change and I wanted to but i couldn't my parents didn't take much medicine my mom took Wellbutrin and other things but they made her sleep all day she was dead to the world and I took paxil and Adderall as a kid and I felt like a zombie not to mention my dad was afraid of pills and side effects so I was afraid to take medicine but I needed it my depression was so far gone that I stopped feeling empathy I was empty and I let my guilt and regret and hatred of myself lead to more depression I'm a good singer and rapper I stopped doing music I blamed her but it was depression she suffers from cyclic vomiting syndrome and I just sat on my ass when she got sick I didn't help I wasn't doing dishes but I couldn't even wake up and take a shower or brush my teeth it was horrible I didn't love myself and I was angry at the world and I took it out on her I felt useless so when we argued about me not helping I called her useless everything I felt about me I projected onto her I was numb and I think she was too then I got on tiktok and found something I was good at again I got a lot of followers very quick but that one ex that I cheated with came back and this time It was innocent but my ex told me any interaction with her and it's over but she had a large following and I was trying to get paid but my ex found out and like an idiot I was trying to not delete or block her because im a man and I'm trying to get ahead you aren't a man you can't even help the woman you love you idiot then she kept telling me she was done but we dragged it on because we loved each other by December 2023 we were done but we were still acting like a couple I was in denial thinking we were fixing it because before my birthday at the beginning of 2022 I was diagnosed with high blood pressure I decided to have 1 last year of holiday food and going out to eat and we started working out 2023 and I have lost 108 lbs with her help and her love and support we started a diet and worked out in the house 5 days a week she saved my life once again of course I was in denial of course I was trying to work it out but those last few months were crazy that last year was crazy in 2022 she got into a car accident and she was sore for a while but she found out that she actually broke her rib and healed it messed up and never knew so she got into working out to lose weight and we started our diet in 2023 but in 2022 I found Kevin Samuels and all that alpha male red pill male chauvinist poison it was bull shit I was insecure trying to convince myself that the most feminine beautiful woman I know is some how masculine and modern wtf is modern i wasn't true masculine I wasn't high value i was a loser that couldn't get off my ass for the woman I love and those ideas are disgusting even if you have money you shouldn't be allowed to cheat that's crazy I would just spew that horse shit when we argued she told me thats what really started pulling her away every time she argued that she needed help I started to act like it wasn't my place and that if I had a job I wouldnt have to clean but the truth is I got anxiety every time I saw those dishes piled up I felt like my chest was caving in same with laundry or any chores working out forced me to shower every day but I still made excuses not to shower we did 15-30 minute workouts if I had to go to the gym I might have died from getting fatter I lost my motivation and looking back I should have taken meds but I told y'all how my parents looked at medicine and my experience not to mention my girl trying to fix stomach problems and sleep problems literally experienced so many side effects I was just afraid to take the medicine but I wish I did because I would have saved my relationship neither one of us takes depression meds I looked for work but I don't even have a GED if you want that story I'll save it for the comments btw I forgot to say our child also gets a check so together we make enough money to live we just struggle for some wants everyone has clothes but there's not always a lot of money to shop for every one so we rotate between buying things for them and us through the months we even had to pay rent in two different places at the end of our lease and we made it happen off our checks and donating plasma we paid 2700 between two places with teamwork and sacrifice but like I said we broke up December 2023 we broke up and I was in denial and thought we were working out we were losing weight together going out doing couple things still having amazing sex it was always mutually great i was big on massages and running baths i was a great gift giver but I didn't lift a finger she was sick and all I did was roll a blunt and run a bath I was letting fruit flies fly around the house we were going out to eat spending money we didn't have to go out to eat that's why I gained all that weight in the first place I don't understand I love her and my kids with all my heart I never thought she would never leave me I was afraid she would leave but I just let it happen she is the love of my life afraid or not I should have taken the pills but that too gave me so much anxiety but I should have risked side effects feeling like a zombie sleeping all day anything is better than this because if I took the medicine we might still be together and since she was able to get past her depression and she feels like she was forced to get out of her depression because she was a mom she hates me she comes from a vacationing family I couldn't give them a lot of that but we still go camping and go out of town sometimes we have a car that's almost paid off but we are 32 and she has nothing to show for being with me but a car an apartment and no savings and if I loved her i would have tried harder but I couldn't i was paralyzed by depression and anxiety she doesn't believe me because she overcame her depression and anxiety we moved in our new place and I was planning on ending my life God spoke to me for the first time and my ex always wanted me to find God but my mom was gullible when it came to scamming preachers and she wasted so much of our money on books and prayer cloths that I went away from my faith for years so finding God was weird but I was accepting of his love he told me to fight for my family and that the path might be long but I can get my family back if im reborn and I make the promises I couldn't keep all of a sudden im reading the Bible every day cooking every day cleaning every day even looking for a job everyday but she says it's too late we sleep in the bed together so I don't have to sleep on the couch we slept together like twice but it didn't mean anything she wouldn't even kiss me and she cut me off we always promised we would at least have a sexual friendship relationship but i think i messed it up i just want to make it work i even told her she could have 2 boyfriends so I can work on being who she needs and have some one to help her with everything else until I can show I can be her problem solver she says it's over but we were in love for 14 years we were in love 6 months ago but in March I made a joke that killed us she was listening to a song called john redcorn and we got to arguing and I said that's some John redcorn shit she thought I meant my daughter our youngest and after what I put her through when she was pregnant she couldn't do it and like an idiot I doubled down and she thought i was saying our youngest wasn't mine it was horrible I told my kids everything they are 10 and 12 they lost hope in our relationship for a while but they want me back with they're mom I know I have to stay this man for the rest of my life if I want to get her back i have to work on communication and keep a job im even going back to counseling but she thinks I never loved her because I let it get this far what do I do?

Young father, new girlfriend
This is a bit of a story, but to be clear, I am not looking for sympathy.
I ‘32M’ and my girlfriend ‘27F’ have been together for about 18 months. The typicalness kind of ends there.
I became a father at 17. My high school girlfriend got pregnant. We were both from super religious homes, so it did not go over well. We had a baby boy. My family essentially disowned me. Her family did a lot to limit my contact with my son. Once we were done high school we both got jobs and started living as a family. We really loved each other. It was hard but we were surviving.
She was killed by a drunk driver just after our son had turned 3.
The following year I went to college. We lived with her older brother and his wife for the entire 4 years. I owe everything to them. We’d still be in that basement apartment if it wasn’t for them giving us a place to stay, feeding us, and looking after him while I went to school.
I’m doing well professionally and financially now. My son will be 16 this fall. I love him so much. After everything we’ve been through, he’s all I have. I never did reconcile with my family and it is what it is. I am close with her siblings. And they are my son’s only connection to his mother.
He is a great kid. He’s an A student, plays sports, and by all accounts is very kind to people. He has a lot of his mother’s qualities. I think he’s drank once or twice. I’ve barely even disciplined him because he doesn’t do anything bad.
I dated a bit from the time he was 6 onwards. Never really got that serious. 18 months ago I started dated, and now it’s serious. I was about to ask her to move in.
My girlfriend and him were getting along well, but I do think she’s having a difficult time coping and becoming part of our dynamic.
She also discovered that he had watched some porn on my iPad. It became a whole thing. She wanted me to put parental controls on him. I told her he’s a 15 year old boy. Telling him to not look at porn is kind of futile.
I’m very open about sex etc with him. Growing up in an ultra religious home being taught it was shameful to have any sexual thoughts or to masturbate was harmful. He will only get truth and honest from me.
He understands that my expectation for him around sex and relationships is that he uses protection, is respectful, and that consent is not optional. I’ve encouraged him not spend all day watching porn and talked about the harm porn can cause.
She found it shocking that I don’t discipline him for using foul language. I’m talking saying “f*ck” when stubbing a toe. Not using degrading language. I will admit that I did swear around him quite a lot when he was younger, so he did get it from me.
Basically, her and I are at an impasse now. She thinks I’m treating him like an adult when he needs to be treated like a child. She told me that I only act this way because I’m not old enough to have a 15 year old. I can agree my perspective may be different if I were 45, but I’m not.
I was going to ask her to move in a couple months ago, but it’s become a bit strained.
They were getting along really well, but they’re both a bit distant now.
I think she is jealous of him a bit. Her and I typically go to dinner on Friday night. A couple weeks ago I made reservations for the 3 of us. She seemed hurt by this.
There’s definitely some parts of life I’ve missed out on, and I’m not exactly the most experienced in relationships. I’m also a self taught parent.
Is my approach all wrong? I know the thought of being step mom at 27 to a nearly fully grown boy has go to be weird, but I can’t change that.
Am I too far to the left and need to be in the middle? I’ve been a single dad since I was 20. Maybe I don’t know how to do anything else. I like her a lot, and she has me questioning everything. She said I treat him like a buddy, not my son.
I’m kind of stuck navigating this.

So long story short on our history: I (F, 33) have known my husband (M, 34) for almost 15 years. First as an acquaintance, then 5 years as my boyfriend, an additional 2 as fiancé, and now almost 1 year married. And it has been the worst year EVER.
For me personally: I got fired, twice (first time 2 weeks before the wedding), had an operation on my vocal chords after which I couldn't speak for 3 weeks, I have rheumatoid arthritis which isn't easy to live with, our cat got ranover by a car and died after 3 days, and to top it all off: yesterday my grandfather died.
For us as a couple: He didn't support me at all through my difficult times and rather saw me as a burden to him (me and all my problems). I had to arrange the entire wedding, marriage contract and honeymoon myself, had zero help from him (while having to deal with the stress of just being fired and applying for jobs like a crazy person), he hated the honeymoon to Hawaii because he didn't like the water, heights, food, expensiveness, and did not try to make the best of it whatsoever. In the evenings he watched the Tour de France in bed after dinner. Shortly before the wedding we bought a new house, and I had do to the move all by myself while not being able to speak given the surgery I had. He expected me to take care of literally everything because I didn't have a job, without gratitude or respect. Meanwhile, we decided two years earlier to start having kids after our wedding. This meant for me: having my birth control taken out and hormone levels changing, having to adapt my reumathoid medication which was a BIG search, and setting my mind on having a child. When everything was ready to get pregnant, nothing happened. No sex. We already didn't have sex for years, but a child doesn't appear out of fkng nowhere. After some enigmatic behavior he told me he changed his mind and doesn't want kids now, probably never. Why the f did you still marry me then??
Since then, everything went south. My husband has autism so I got used to having no communication, no sweet words, no compliments, not showing his love for me, and so on. I knew it before I married him, and had competely adapted my standards and behavior to him. But now that we are in such a problematic situation, the lack of all of those basic things causes our relationship to get worse everyday and basically impossible to live with. My self esteem is lower than ever, because there is no physical or mental confirmation, communication or connection whatsoever. He ignores me all the time. Goes to work, comes back and lies on the couch watching sports, eats in silence, goes to bed, makes plans with friends without me knowing. We often go weeks with only saying a few sentences.
The only thing he says is that he doesn't know if he still loves me enough to have a relationship with, and just in general that he doesn't know if he wants to continue our path together.
But why on earth would I want to stay with him??? I feel very conflicted. Objectively, he doesn't give me the bare minimum and I definitely deserve better. We have loans together, cats, I moved to an area close to his hometown, friends and family, and far away from my contacts and new job. If we divorce, the arrangements are crazy, I will probably lose my pets, my stuff and will have to move back with my parents. Subjectively, we have shared sooo much that I cherish, of course I would miss him, and I honestly get anxious thinking about being alone by myself somewhere. Cooking for one, and so on. I feel I will never meet someone new and am afraid I will never have children.
I feel stuck. I don't want to lose him, but I long soo badly for just a little bit of love.
Should I divorce him?

Buckle up. This is long, messy, and absolutely insane.
I want to give a bit of backstory, actually a lot of backstory so I hope you are here for the ride.
Myself (42 F) and Husband (let’s call him Tom, 40 M) have been married for 12 years. We have 4 children: mine, 20 male from a previous relationship, his two daughters (my stepdaughters 14 F (let’s call her Jane) and 16 F (let’s call her Rachel) and an ours baby (11 let’s call him Jake). Tom’s ex we’ll call Karen.
When we met Tom & Karen had been separated for about a year and we’re going through the divorce process, I refused to date Tom until the divorce was finalized and once it was, we began dating.
I had found out from Tom, and his friends that their youngest, Jane, was a whoopsie baby the one time they slept together during their separation - at some point, Karen handed over Jane full-time to Tom saying “I cannot handle a baby and a toddler at the same time” and had kept the two-year-old, Rachel. I promise this is pertinent information later.
Karen later had met somebody during the separation process. Once they moved in together she took Jane back, he tried to fight it in court, but didn’t win due to lack of evidence, it was basically his word vs hers and the courts always choose the moms side in our state.
Fast forward to now being married, this woman Karen LOATHES me. I’m not here to body shame, but she constantly talked about her weight around me, and would constantly tell me how great I looked. I’ve always worked out and kept myself in shape, she let it be known that she was very jealous of me with her constant remarks. It made me very uncomfortable , I had no idea that this was going to eventually seep into gaslighting me and my family.
Now I will get into some of the meat of the subject, about one year after marriage at some point in time, she told Tom that Rachel was having an eating disorder (she was 3) because of me. as the girls grew older and I was teaching them healthy, eating habits, I do want to stay here that I am very fit and very health conscious, but I don’t ever say mean things about fat people or food will make you fat, etc. nothing like that just “ this is a really great choice to eat because it fuels your body and helps you grow strong and we don’t want to consume that food because it will make you sick” etc etc, we we don’t have sugar in the house rather we enjoy it as a family when we go out to ice cream or have a campfire and have s’mores. I want my kids to be able to have a foundation to make healthy food choices, and have the tools to do it.
Karon always wanted a son, she got pregnant with her new husband and they had twin girls. We got pregnant before her, and while I was pregnant and she found out it was going to be a boy.
I wasn’t allowed to go inside the building for Rachel’s first day of kindergarten (my husband clearly said that if I was not allowed to go and neither was her husband. She hated me so much that she agreed and had her husband also miss out just to prove her point.) - she envied and despised me so much, that I heard through the grapevine (because we share a lot of mutual friends) that she had a friend over and cried because I was having a son and she did not.
Skip to Rachel being 11, and Jane being 9 - this is when the real hell begins, when Rachel started acting out and I’ll try to make this short at 11 she faked her period using a marker, after three days it was finally discovered at school when she “bled through her pants” and they figured out it was a marker. She has faked passing out, she has faked seizures. She had faked an entire disease where she was able to dislocate her kneecaps and hold them on the inside of the knee- I didn’t even know this was anatomically possible. She has stolen from us, we have to lock up Jane and Jake’s, valuables and money in a safe so she won’t steal their things as well. She has called the police on her own father, Tom, accusing him of putting his hands on her. we have had to have cameras all throughout our house just so that we can have records of what happens inside the home because we don’t feel safe.
She was caught bullying somebody at work and it was about to be fired until mom came in to the owners and said that she doesn’t have IG (lies) and doesn’t even have her phone right now (but she can login to her account through any phone) and that kids can create a fake account anytime they want and this was not her. She was caught on camera bullying kids at school and Mom called into the office and said there’s no way that could be her daughter, because she would never do anything like that. I mean, they had video evidence. She stole her mom’s THC pen which the school was going to have her arrested and mom didn’t want her to get into trouble and because she is under age and the parent has to press charges they let her go. During Christmas, she plotted and her mom knew this, to come to everybody’s houses gather all the Christmas presents and then tell her dad that she wasn’t coming over anymore. Jake and Jane cried, my husband cried. This is how Christmas ended, and during this Jane looked at me and said “sometimes I’m afraid that Rachelle is going to stab me in my sleep.”
The most recent encounter with the police was a snow day where they had to do schooling online, my husband is able to take them to work, and long story short Rachel got in trouble for vaping and lying on our watch (BM allows her to vape) and instead of sitting around doing nothing I had lined up work to do for my friends, because this girl needs to learn how to serve others. We took away her phone so that she could not contact her mother to come rescue her because that’s exactly what would happen. Her mom does not allow her to experience any consequences, she rules the roost. While we are trying to teach her to be a good member of society. Anyways, I came to pick her up to go serve her community, but she wouldn’t get in and there is nothing we could do short of throwing her in the back of the car. Once his company was done for the day she wouldn’t leave my husband’s place, it’s just him and one other guy, so he ended up having to call his boss to tell him that he was going to need to call the police to have his daughter removed and asked his coworker to stay because he doesn’t feel safe with her.
This was my breaking point while trying to balance and hoping and believing and praying that maybe she will grow up one day and realize how awful she has been to us, and come back apologizing. I don’t want to completely shut the door and cut her out of our lives, we agreed that she can come be a part of family events, etc., etc. but she will not have any overnights at our house.
You may be asking why you haven’t done this before? Oh, we have and it’s been a back-and-forth because her mom lives in delulu land where she can only take her behavior so much and uses her father’s house as punishment. We believe she is bipolar, one week she is saying that she’s just going to keep Rachelle, that he’s a POS dad blah blah blah and then the next week she’s saying he’s going to take her full-time because she can’t handle her period.
Rachel said that she has only two left until adult and she’s not coming over to Dad‘s house anymore. So that helped.
Fast forward to the trip, and the advice that I need. Jane. Dear sweet, amazing Jane. Jane, whose mother didn’t want her because she couldn’t handle a toddler and a newborn at the same time. Jane, who doesn’t do things perfectly, but she is sweet, she is kind she is considerate, she is lovely and I absolutely adore her. She’s barely wanted by her mother. She has come to our house crying because of how her family makes fun of me and her dad, she actually got in trouble one time for standing up for her dad after they had been badmouthing and bashing him with Rachel.
Obviously, she desperately wants the attention of her mother, but she is good hearted and she will not play the games. She will not have the drama, that is how Karon and Rachel most bond.
We are taking a four day trip with my husbands parents. I do not want Rachel to go.
I am literally having heart palpitations, thinking about her going. we had a party where we gave Grandma, Thomas‘s mom, the trip information as a gift upon which Rachel was excited and wants the dates to get off work.
Even if we tell her, she cannot go, the mom will raise so much hell in our lives and she will make sure that Jane does not go because it’s not fair that Jane can go and Rachel cannot. We’ve already run into a few instances of this.
Mom make sure that Rachel gets everything she wants, it’s sickening. There’s zero possibility this girl is going to come on vacation and not ruin our trip, she has ruined every trip we have ever been on because she does something so extreme and nasty to get attention on her.
I don’t even know what to do, because if we can’t take Jane, there is really no point in this trip it will feel very void and empty. She has already had to miss our trip to Florida because of Rachel and I cannot have another one go by.
I have tried to think about this situation upside down sideways and every direction and I cannot think of any wind here so I’m coming to y’all for help.
A couple of things that need mentioning, hindsight probably should not have given this gift to Grandma with her present until after her husband and I discussed. We do not see eye eye when it comes to having Rachel come on trips, it’s like he has completely forgotten all of the trauma, and the fact that he had to have his coworker stay with him because he’s terrified of his own daughter. It’s been a few months and I feel that since she has not been actively in the home, he feels like everything is A-OK. It is not there have been spans where she is not been around us for months because of her behavior, it’s like a sick cycle that’s been going on for 7+ years. I need it to end.
We could just plan a trip and just take Jane, however, there are only so many dates that work for us and the trip we planned falls onto his ex-wife, Karon‘s weekend, I will say they are pretty amicable and switching weeks if need be. She will have this, I am going to possibly speak with him about quietly switching dates.

TLDR: I made a comment that pinkeye was disgusting and a great excuse to get out of a party and my SIL took it as a personal attack on her son, who I DIDN'T know had it recently.
Background: My husband's cousin (23ish F) is getting married and was having a bridal shower. I'm not close to his family but received an invite. My MIL and SIL (40F) didn't really wanna go and I wasn't going to go without them since it's not really my family. I've never been close with my in laws and have had some bad interactions in the past because of different values and personalities. Currently 24 weeks pregnant and haven't had a bad interaction all pregnancy, thankfully, and started to warm up to them.
Story: SIL texts the bride's family the week of that we can't go because her son got pinkeye and we were together at some point and don't want to accidentally spread it to the rest of the party. It's a lie because I haven't seen them for two months but did see my MIL recently and invited her to an ultrasound to be nice and accommodating. Not sure the contagiousness of pinkeye but I know she sees her grandsons like once a week.
SIL starts a group chat and tells us (MIL and me) what she told the bride's family. I say something along the lines of 'Thanks for doing the communicating. Pinkeye is a great excuse because it's disgusting enough that no one wants to deal with it and won't question since it's common enough with kids." Then silence.
SIL asks "What's disgusting?" And that's where I immediately know I f*cked up. I start explaining that it's a good excuse/lie. SIL then starts saying it's common for school aged children to get it and then MIL starts jumping in that it's not a lie and that grandson had pinkeye but it's cleared up now. Here's the funny thing: I didn't know. But here I am getting ganged up on in a group with WITHOUT my husband. I wouldn't have said what I said had I known. This is the EXACT reason why I don't respond in family group chats or all my responses are cold without personality because they go 0 to 100. I seem to always say something that gets them riled up. I apologize and say I hope he's feeling better and everyone in the home is okay since it is so contagious. I did say that MIL didn't tell me and MIL responds that she didn't wanna tell me because I'm pregnant and didn't wanna stress me out. I'm sorry, but I'm not a "snowflake" (and I hate using that term because of the political connotation it has but there's no other way to describe this) and my job is tougher on me than hearing that a kid has pinkeye. Maybe she didn't wanna say because she was invited over and didn't wanna worry us? I mean, I guess she kinda lied or kept it from me but I'm not so worried about that. If I do end up getting pinkeye, that'll change but for now, I'm good.
Then they start going off on how the boy has really bad allergies and can't breathe sometimes so he has a nebulizer and etc and I'm literally sitting here just not knowing what to say. They also say they wouldn't use their kids to lie because that's bad karma and I guess they felt insulted that I would insinuate that they did that? Like I literally thought "that's the excuse we're going with, sounds good, thanks!" I know I definitely sounded insensitive but also, did my statement say anything about her son? Like I didn't know. I just said pinkeye is disgusting. I did not in any way say her son is disgusting. If I had pinkeye, I don't think I would be disgusting but the pinkeye itself is disgusting. Like, I don't think anyone would welcome pinkeye with open arms.
The one time I make a joke or say something meaningful, I screw up the progress and now I'm stressed out to the point where I think it could affect the baby and I just don't know. My husband says this behavior is not new and to not take their reaction to heart because you "Can't argue with crazy or unreasonable." My mom says that whole family is just a bunch of losers because my husband and I are well off for ourselves and they're just jealous and are always finding a way to jab at my happiness whatever way they can. She says to not let them get to me and that I'm educated and if something happens to this baby I'm carrying, they won't care or find any fault in their reaction and blame it on me and make fun of me.
I feel bad for what I said but this is why I don't speak to them. My husband read my texts and said I was a little callous but I didn't say anything directed at anyone. Please honestly tell me, AITAH? Totally okay if I was, I'll just keep my mouth shut and limit any or all interactions with them until the baby is like half a year old or something and possibly take back letting my MIL care for out baby. Daycare is worth the cost of not butting heads with this family.

Part 3: „It was the only real lie I ever told her “
Back to the time when I was at university and before all the medical problems. I was invited to a friend’s party. You know, the whole student stupidity; drinking, dancing and listen to terrible music. There was one girl that stood in the corner of the room that evening. She was there with some students from other departments and seemed not too thrilled by the gathering. I could clearly see a fake smile to the conversations and the surroundings. After a while I saw a familiar girl and we chatted for a minute or so. She was very drunk. I also had that fake smile of “enjoying” this gathering. The music, which was played, got even worse. I turned to that girl in the corner and our gazes met. She looked at me with a face that said it all: “How the what can I get out of here? “
I just shrugged slightly, formed a pistol with two fingers and pointed to my head and then faked a happy expression. She began to laugh very heavily. Like I learned, her name was Anna and she wasn’t drunk, not even tipsy but something about her had caught me. She was attractive, no doubts, but she seemed to be more “present” in the room than others.
From that day on we were like one. We met, chatted, laughed and after some time; well, did a little more. I was stunned what happened. Not even had I dreamed of a girl like her as my partner. She was everything I searched for without even not knowing that I needed it. I was madly in love. And through our conversations she confessed the same to me. I am not handsome or attractive. I was definitely not even close to her league. And she was no “Sandy” with no brain. I even questioned if this was a set-up or a trap. But I am coming from a worker’s family. No gold digger would stay with me for money. My career options were prosperous but this can be seen like a trifecta-bet. Why did she love me? When I asked her, she just said: “Because you are so stupid to ask!”
The most beautiful and mind-blowing about her were, in the end, the little things: the look of her eyes when I brushed her hair behind her ear, holding my hand as if she sometimes knew that I needed it and her good heart. She was the one calming me down when I was rushing forward of achieving things in a harsh manner. She understood me even if I didn’t tell her what happened. This was vice versa. When she was sad, I could cheer her up (okay, mostly the chocolate I always had in stock). When she was insecure, I helped her to find a solution for herself.
And yes, she was beautiful. She was natural and everything on her seemed to be the perfect combination. Her mannerisms and her movements were so classic and gracious.
How deep our relationship developed in just six months was unbeknown to most our friends and even my family. Sadly, she was on only child, raised alone by her mother after the sudden death of her father at the age of seven. Her mother died in an accident when she was 19. She had no grandparents left, even no uncles, aunts or cousins. She felt lonely. At the time I wanted to introduce her officially to my family as “the one”, there was an issue.
She was a little distant for a week or so. She said: „It’s nothing “. Although I was not married, every man with more than three active brain cells just knows: „It’s nuclear! “
It’s unbelievable how a little plastic object with indicator stripes can change your world forever. She was pregnant. And to my shame, I was a complete dumbfounded idiot with a blank mind and sat beside her and asked the dumb question: “How?” This was dedicated to the fact that we used protection and pills.
And Anna, looking at me with a mischievous smile said: “Come on Idiot, don’t pretend that you missed biology classes.”
That brought me back to reality. I was shocked but also kind of happy. It was not the best moment for having a baby, but it’s happening. I told her, more mockingly, that we should marry. She said: “Okay. That’s probably better. But don’t dare to wait too long to put a ring on my finger”.
Again, everything seemed to be on lightspeed. How should I explain this to my family? Well at least the finances where not a big problem. I was on a rarely full “stipendia funding” and she had a scholarship. But, damn! This was too early for that seriousness. But that’s life, I thought.
I was confused, shocked, happy, proud and terrified for the next days. Anna left for three days for an excursion with one of her classes at the university. She told me that she made an appointment with her doctor for confirmation of the pregnancy and for other check-ups after the excursion. When she was back, I have sorted more things out for myself. We wanted to meet in the late evening of Thursday at her place across the town. She had her doctor’s appointment on Friday and I prepared myself for the following conversation and wanted to tell her that we should go together to the appointment, if she wanted that. Before leaving my mobile rang. The number was unfamiliar. I answered the call with a “Hello?”
At this point my world collapsed with the words:” This is nurse …… from the ……. Hospital. I am calling about your fiancé Anna ……”
After discovering her pregnancy, she always has a small piece of paper with all necessary information about medical problems and an emergency contact in her purse.
I came to the hospital and rushed to the Emergency Unit. I told my name and whom I was there for. They called a doctor and informed me to wait for her. There were a lot of people, who waited for their call to be treated by the ER staff. I was crying and my heart felt like it’s almost shredded in thousand pieces. I waited about 10 minutes. A female doctor (let’s call her Dr. F.) called my name and I followed her to a small office.
Dr. F. came strict to the point. She told me first about the accident and then about Annas constitution.
Then Dr. F. (what I am remembering and in short) explained: “Your fiancé had a car accident. A driver lost control over his vehicle and hit her. Passengers called the ambulance immediately and she was brought to us. She has multiple broken bones and bruises. But that is nothing to the inner bleedings. We can’t stop them. We are trying to stabilize her. But there is no hope that her body will recover from these inner bleedings. She is now in one of our ER-Rooms and partially conscious. You can go to her, if you want. But be aware that she is under medication and maybe not awake. I must inform you that the fetus (she should have said: the baby) hasn’t survived. I am truly sorry. Do you want to see her. She always asked about you, if she is awake.”
I nodded my head. There was a hurricane insight of me but I felt like being in the eye of that monster. I was empty and calm. I didn’t cry anymore. I was weak and empty.
The doctor led me to Anna’s room. There in the hospital bed with a mass of equipment attached to her, was my Anna. Her face wasn’t bruised badly but the sheets must have covered her dishevelled body. On the floor were the remains of the bloody massacre. But not as much as expected; I thought. I went to her bed with small steps and stood over her. Her eyes were closed. I gently touched her cheek and calmly spoke to her with a voice like a whisper: “Anna. I am here.”
She didn’t respond. I said the same words again, this time a little louder and gently touched her shoulder. She opened her eyes slightly.
She smiled slightly and said: “Hi love.”
I cried instantly and managed or fabricated a smile and said back: “Hi Curly”
Curly (I hope this is the correct term in English) was my nickname for her because of her natural curly hair that I adored so much. The short version of our conversation is:
She asked me: “Is it really so bad?”
I said: “Yes dear.”
She said after some seconds: “I am so sorry. I don’t want to leave you. I am afraid.”
I reached out for her hand and hold it and said: “You have done nothing wrong. You are perfect. I love you so much. Please don’t leave me.” It was more a beg than a statement.
She whispered: “I love you too and I don’t want to die but I feel so weak and I am tired.”
I gave her a small kiss on the lips and hold her hand. She closed her eyes again. After some seconds she opened them again and asked: “Is everything okay with our baby?”
I said: “Yes. You will be the best mother and always watch after our baby. I love you, Anna.”
Anna said: “I love you too.”
She smiled and closed her eyes. This time she never opened them again and around 20 minutes later the EKG mad it’s devastating sound, indicating no heart activity, no pulse, no blood pressure and no Anna anymore.
The medical staff send me out of the room and tried to reanimate her but there was no hope. And 20 minutes later a doctor declared her dead.
I wanted to die too. This emptiness I felt, the loss, the pain, the anger, the disbelief and the broken bond were too much. My mind was on autopilot. I don’t remember many things that happened afterwards.
I was in the hospital for hours before I left.
Remember the beginning of my medical problems. It began in this night. I got the virus somewhere in or around the hospital.
Because she had no relatives to contact, I took the responsibilities with the funeral. She was cremated and buried in a small ceremony with only a few friends.
I never lied to Anna, except for typical questions like: “Do these pants look good on me?”
But the last statement I said to her wasn’t true, expect for the part where I told her that I loved her. I think she knew it. But it gave her peace in the end. It was the only real lie I ever told her.

Buckle up. This is long, messy, and absolutely insane.
I want to give a bit of backstory, actually a lot of backstory so I hope you are here for the ride.
Myself (42 F) and Husband (let’s call him Tom, 40 M) have been married for 12 years. We have 4 children: mine, 20 male from a previous relationship, his two daughters (my stepdaughters 14 F (let’s call her Jane) and 16 F (let’s call her Rachel) and an ours baby (11 let’s call him Jake). Tom’s ex we’ll call Karen.
When we met Tom & Karen had been separated for about a year and we’re going through the divorce process, I refused to date Tom until the divorce was finalized and once it was, we began dating.
I had found out from Tom, and his friends that their youngest, Jane, was a whoopsie baby the one time they slept together during their separation - at some point, Karen handed over Jane full-time to Tom saying “I cannot handle a baby and a toddler at the same time” and had kept the two-year-old, Rachel. I promise this is pertinent information later.
Karen later had met somebody during the separation process. Once they moved in together she took Jane back, he tried to fight it in court, but didn’t win due to lack of evidence, it was basically his word vs hers and the courts always choose the moms side in our state.
Fast forward to now being married, this woman Karen LOATHES me. I’m not here to body shame, but she constantly talked about her weight around me, and would constantly tell me how great I looked. I’ve always worked out and kept myself in shape, she let it be known that she was very jealous of me with her constant remarks. It made me very uncomfortable , I had no idea that this was going to eventually seep into gaslighting me and my family.
Now I will get into some of the meat of the subject, about one year after marriage at some point in time, she told Tom that Rachel was having an eating disorder (she was 3) because of me. as the girls grew older and I was teaching them healthy, eating habits, I do want to stay here that I am very fit and very health conscious, but I don’t ever say mean things about fat people or food will make you fat, etc. nothing like that just “ this is a really great choice to eat because it fuels your body and helps you grow strong and we don’t want to consume that food because it will make you sick” etc etc, we we don’t have sugar in the house rather we enjoy it as a family when we go out to ice cream or have a campfire and have s’mores. I want my kids to be able to have a foundation to make healthy food choices, and have the tools to do it.
Karon always wanted a son, she got pregnant with her new husband and they had twin girls. We got pregnant before her, and while I was pregnant and she found out it was going to be a boy.
I wasn’t allowed to go inside the building for Rachel’s first day of kindergarten (my husband clearly said that if I was not allowed to go and neither was her husband. She hated me so much that she agreed and had her husband also miss out just to prove her point.) - she envied and despised me so much, that I heard through the grapevine (because we share a lot of mutual friends) that she had a friend over and cried because I was having a son and she did not.
Skip to Rachel being 11, and Jane being 9 - this is when the real hell begins, when Rachel started acting out and I’ll try to make this short at 11 she faked her period using a marker, after three days it was finally discovered at school when she “bled through her pants” and they figured out it was a marker. She has faked passing out, she has faked seizures. She had faked an entire disease where she was able to dislocate her kneecaps and hold them on the inside of the knee- I didn’t even know this was anatomically possible. She has stolen from us, we have to lock up Jane and Jake’s, valuables and money in a safe so she won’t steal their things as well. She has called the police on her own father, Tom, accusing him of putting his hands on her. we have had to have cameras all throughout our house just so that we can have records of what happens inside the home because we don’t feel safe.
She was caught bullying somebody at work and it was about to be fired until mom came in to the owners and said that she doesn’t have IG (lies) and doesn’t even have her phone right now (but she can login to her account through any phone) and that kids can create a fake account anytime they want and this was not her. She was caught on camera bullying kids at school and Mom called into the office and said there’s no way that could be her daughter, because she would never do anything like that. I mean, they had video evidence. She stole her mom’s THC pen which the school was going to have her arrested and mom didn’t want her to get into trouble and because she is under age and the parent has to press charges they let her go. During Christmas, she plotted and her mom knew this, to come to everybody’s houses gather all the Christmas presents and then tell her dad that she wasn’t coming over anymore. Jake and Jane cried, my husband cried. This is how Christmas ended, and during this Jane looked at me and said “sometimes I’m afraid that Rachelle is going to stab me in my sleep.”
The most recent encounter with the police was a snow day where they had to do schooling online, my husband is able to take them to work, and long story short Jane got in trouble, surprise, surprise, and instead of sitting around doing nothing I had lined up work to do for my friends, because this girl needs to learn how to serve others. We took away her phone so that she could not contact her mother to come rescue her because that’s exactly what would happen. Her mom does not allow her to experience any consequences, she rules the roost. While we are trying to teach her to be a good member of society. Anyways, I came to pick her up to go serve her community, but she wouldn’t get in and there is nothing we could do short of throwing her in the back of the car. Once his company was done for the day she wouldn’t leave my husband’s place, it’s just him and one other guy, so he ended up having to call his boss to tell him that he was going to need to call the police to have his daughter removed and asked his coworker to stay because he doesn’t feel safe with her.
This was my breaking point while trying to balance and hoping and believing and praying that maybe she will grow up one day and realize how awful she has been to us, and come back apologizing. I don’t want to completely shut the door and cut her out of our lives, we agreed that she can come be a part of family events, etc., etc. but she will not have any overnights at our house.
You may be asking why you haven’t done this before? Oh, we have and it’s been a back-and-forth because her mom lives in delulu land where she can only take her behavior so much and uses her father’s house as punishment. We believe she is bipolar, one week she is saying that she’s just going to keep Rachelle, that he’s a POS dad blah blah blah and then the next week she’s saying he’s going to take her full-time because she can’t handle her period.
Rachel said that she has only two left until adult and she’s not coming over to Dad‘s house anymore. So that helped.
Fast forward to the trip, and the advice that I need. Jane. Dear sweet, amazing Jane. Jane, whose mother didn’t want her because she couldn’t handle a toddler and a newborn at the same time. Jane, who doesn’t do things perfectly, but she is sweet, she is kind she is considerate, she is lovely and I absolutely adore her. She’s barely wanted by her mother. She has come to our house crying because of how her family makes fun of me and her dad, she actually got in trouble one time for standing up for her dad after they had been badmouthing and bashing him with Rachel.
Obviously, she desperately wants the attention of her mother, but she is good hearted and she will not play the games. She will not have the drama, that is how Karon and Rachel most bond.
We are taking a four day trip with my husbands parents. I do not want Rachel to go.
I am literally having heart palpitations, thinking about her going. we had a party where we gave Grandma, Thomas‘s mom, the trip information as a gift upon which Rachel was excited and wants the dates to get off work.
Even if we tell her, she cannot go, the mom will raise so much hell in our lives and she will make sure that Jane does not go because it’s not fair that Jane can go and Rachel cannot. We’ve already run into a few instances of this.
Mom make sure that Rachel gets everything she wants, it’s sickening. There’s zero possibility this girl is going to come on vacation and not ruin our trip, she has ruined every trip we have ever been on because she does something so extreme and nasty to get attention on her.
I don’t even know what to do, because if we can’t take Jane, there is really no point in this trip it will feel very void and empty. She has already had to miss our trip to Florida because of Rachel and I cannot have another one go by.
I have tried to think about this situation upside down sideways and every direction and I cannot think of any wind here so I’m coming to y’all for help

Last night I was supposed to start my first night of Gonal for this cycle (I’ve done two rounds before so used to process). I opened the brand new box to get everything prepped only to find a blue piece of plastic floating in the liquid (as you know Gonal pens don’t have blue plastic - only a gray syringe and clear plastic). WHAT!? I thought I was doing everything right before with only checking my boxes when received, never thought of something like this!
I immediately called the pharmacy and they told me it’s a manufacturers defect and to not use for potential risk of contamination. It was 8pm at night on a Friday and they had no way of getting me a new pen — the closest pharmacy is 2 states away and over four hours away driving each way and didn’t open until 10am Saturday. They also couldn’t guarantee I could get a replacement there until they spoke with them. I called my doc who might be the patient man to exist ever and he said “don’t worry just come to the office first thing in AM and there is a close alternate medication we can give you that we should have on hand if you can’t get Gonal as the last resort. Doubtful we have a new unused Gonal pen donated, but I won’t know until I get in tomorrow AM.”
The pharmacy meanwhile was working on getting me a pen through UPS Concierge where they basically have a driver pick it up, put it on the next plane out and then deliver to you - but this couldn’t be guaranteed as the pharmacy concierge team who handles this left for the night already and didn’t open again until 9am and wasn’t sure how many flights go out on a Saturday (shout out to the pharmacists at FF who stayed on the phone with me for an hour searching every pharmacy in a 10 state radius and every option they had available).
I get to my clinic this morning and they had just received an unopened Gonal pen via donation. THANK YOU TO WHOEVER YOU ARE! I seriously almost cried in the office. 🫶🏼
Just a friendly reminder to donate your unopened meds because you never know what can happen and if someone wouldn’t have, I’d have to change my protocol mid-cycle with a med I’ve never used previously and wasn’t part of the original plan for a reason. Also - CHECK YOUR MEDS WHEN YOU GET THEM! The pharmacist said they’ve seen this a lot recently with Ovidrel, but she was shocked to hear it happened with Gonal. I have to file a report on Monday with the manufacturer.
Thank you again whoever you are!

Backround: I 24(f) was dating 31(m) for 3 months and found out recently I am pregnant.
-I am a single mom (3m) - I have had an abortion in the past that resulted in a hemorrhage - I’m a student (currently doing my masters. But will graduated Jan 2025)
Story: My being pregnant came as a surprise for both my ex and I. We had always used a condom and to our knowledge none had broken.
When I told my ex I was pregnant he said: “Get rid of it” “Don’t ruin my life with this” “I don’t want to be a dad.” Then said: “I don’t want to be involved” And blocked me on everything.
I’m stunned and confused because I had told him I wasn’t sure if I could have another abortion if I did get pregnant.
I feel like the AH for not knowing if I to keep this fetus without his consent.

I (38 F) have been married to my husband (44 M) for almost 7 years now. Looking back, I couldn’t help but blame myself for not realizing I married a total stranger.
Long story ahead: I met my husband a little over 4 years before we got married. I thought he was everything i prayed for and felt so lucky. He was very sweet, caring, sex is great and i felt like i found a person that was exactly like me. Most of the time, we even think alike. We rarely fought and always had fun together. Well, that was then.
Just 2 months after our wedding, I have become pregnant. We were so happy and excited that finally, the much awaited first grandchild of my FIL was just months away to meet him!
On the 4th month of my pregnancy, i found out that my husband was keeping a secret that nobody, not even from his own circle, knew about. He has always maintained a loving and loyal character to everyone for a very long time until i exposed him to his best friend. One morning I was searching for a comb in his bag, and i found condoms in one of the pockets. I was so mad I threw the condoms in his face and kept quiet for a few days. Thoughts rushing through my brain as he gave me some of the stupidest excuses. Back then i chose to give him another chance, maybe because i still hoped that the man i married is still there and this is only a one off situation. Also, i wanted to give our son a chance to have a normal family.
Fast forward to when i was 9 months pregnant i was browsing through his ipad to research something but when i went to use the history as shortcut, i found the searches he made through his phone (synced to his ipad). I saw searches of motels around where he was the night before. I then chose to confront him about it, and he finally admitted it. A mix of total shock and confusion came over me. How can he cheat on me while i was pregnant? We had an explosive fight that night. His reasoning getting dumber and dumber. Somehow i ended up giving him another chance and thought maybe this time he will finally stop and think about our family. You see, in our country a broken family is frowned upon so culturally, the wives usually stick with their husbands no matter how painful things get in the name of having an “Intact” family.
So back to the story, after the fight i did some digging and found that my husband had a tinder profile and that’s where he usually looks for hookups even before we met, and continued even after getting married. I was so disgusted to see messages of him making deals with hookers when “no one is available”. I don’t know why but i felt like this casual hookups became an addiction of his. I encouraged him to go seek therapy and also get tested for STDs but he kept postponing and eventually never went. I tried going to my parents and asking for their advice but as mentioned, they suggested to stick with my husband for the sake of my son. I felt deceived and trapped i didn’t know what to do.
Over the 7 years of our marriage, i still catch him time and time again. Until i can no longer forgive him or myself. I thought, i just wanted to get away and leave everything behind. No more need for explanations, just get up and leave the country. I am now planning an exit strategy but it might take some time. I guess i really need an army to pray that whatever the future holds for me and my son, that things will be alright.
We are still legally married to this day because there is no divorce here and annulment is too expensive and will take YEARS, but i have stopped being intimate with him for almost a year now. I no longer care if he’s home or not. It’s sad to see my marriage slowly dying over the years, but i know in my heart that i tried my darn hardest. But sometimes we are failed by the people who’s supposed to love, protect and support us.
Sorry for the long rant. I guess i just missed my old happy self 🥲 to the ladies in the same situation as me, keep your head up. You matter, and someday we will get through this. 💝

hey switzerland, this is a throw-away-account. i will tell you about my personal situation:
i am a 40+ male with an eu-citizenship and i live here since about 4 years.
i have a decent 100 % job which i like and i earn around 6800 CHF a month.
my oldest daughter turns 10 now, she also has eu-citizenship, so does her mother who is married to a swiss guy also since about 4 years. so you see, the reason i moved to switzerland, was to be close to my daughter.
i had to pay child support here since the time i arrived and it was calculated to be around 2300 CHF a month. we talked and agreed on around 1800 which i am still paying every month to them.
now 3 years ago i met a swiss woman here and became close with and yes i f*d it up for not using protection but in my defense: she had a serious surgery about 5 months after we met and was diagnosed not to be able to bear any more children, we got tested and stuff and decided not to protect anymore... so she got pregnant, yay. though i said no a couple of times she wanted to have this child who is 2 yo now already. i managed somehow which may have been a mistake of course but thats the therapy stuff sorry as this of course ruined our relationship and i had to learn that i may be colourblind towards red flags, what about that... ugh
as she already had 1 daughter (now 4 yo,, which i love too) with a guy who does not really seem to care about his child and whom she bought an appartement with (where she lives in with daughter and son at the moment) her situation is very complicated with her ex and she feels pretty anxious about it all, also financially.
the financial arrangement with him was a huge problem (and of course also finding another appartement, which she says she is trying to.. but i know ... switzerland), and i dont really know what they arranged about their appartment now or what they already downpaid etc. ... i guess about a third they already own of it, rest is debt i guess). the apt is around 3500 rent roundabout i think, very nice location. they arranged something now i think.
she earned very little to no money with her business the last years so finally she is trying to be able to rent her apt now but didnt yet. she says it is because there is no room where to move her stuff to, i offered my garage space but she is worried about humindity. yes, our living arrangements are also a very big problem all together and have a story:
while she was pregnant with my son, we tried moving and living together in my apartment 60m2 (her 80m2 was empty that time...!) and as she had such nice furniture she wanted to have this in my appartement. moving process was a mess and during and afterwards we managed to get into a lot of fights about lifestyle and also about her "stuff". this includes the ikea furniture containing tons of folders with papers, collections of crafting materials, clothes, collections of games for children all ages, clothes, baking-stuff in all shapes and sizes, clothes, stocks of hygiene/food/younameit products (for hard times i dont know, it was an offer, also both cellar and attic), shoes, bags and bags of more clothing for all sizes, random stuff she likes ordering from china. she spends hours arranging and finding things she seems to need. while all usually stays in an ikea box or whatever i dont really care and try not to judge as i also tend to be messy and own way too much stuff. she had a tidy apartment when i met her.
so also while she was pregnant i urgently requested for her to move back in her empty apt which she did. but we couldnt move the furniture back, as in her eyes they were already damaged too much in the first move so they wouldnt survive another. i also suggested paying for new stuff but she claimed she had to move out her apt anyway and there is no money for that. now she lives in her pretty much empty apt with 2 children. they love it, it was her choice and there were options. she hates it, claims it's too stressful for her living in two apt. (theres 10 car-minutes between us). it's an "next month maybe" for having-to-move-out fears since then and she is unable to arrange properly. i get that, it's a stupid situation and i also would like for the children to have stable ground.
so as she is already or still pretty much moved into my place i offered her to move back in with me if she really couldnt find any other place. of course our (i am afraid you have to call it that now) toxic relationship doesnt really make this a process full of harmony, we are fighting about various topics. last time i lost it as she said there is no money for ice cream when i wanted the children to have some.
i dont want to lose my son and clearly see the need for them to have me in their life. again sorry, therapy stuff.
now she wants my daughters room compromised for her stuff as well. really? of course if she really lives here and my daughter is only here for the weekends we can make some compromise but the way she is claiming it just doesnt seem right to me when i look at the numbers.
my rent currently is around 1600 and i have a room for my older daughter who visits me every second weekend,
the kesb calculated that i have to pay her 2500 a month for my son.
that's 5700 fixed expenses on 6800 income for me and (without the pay of the other father) she gets 6000+ (my 2500 + 3500 rent) just like that. of course she also has to pay the debt and take care about the children i guess but this all doesnt seem very fair to me, i dont own an appartement and living here a short time i have no financial reserve whatsoever.
there's a lot more details i could explain but i think one can get the picture and also maybe the frustration i feel.
maybe this is just a big rant about it as i still can afford to live here but i dont wanna start talking fairness here. so my financial question would be:
would it be a good option for me to move back to another country? pay less child support then? has anyone experienced this first hand maybe?
thanks for your sympathy.
tldr: rant about the unfairness of child-support in switzerland with a lot of personal details about a not-so-easy girlfriend

Hi everyone.
I need some advice on what I should do next. I’m at a loss since I had a MMC in March this year.
I have been TTC for 3 years now. My last IUI was in July 2023 and after that hubs I decided to take a break and let my body rest after so many months on letrozole and gonal f.
The dr that did my IUI told me I would just have to go with ivf since I wasn’t conceiving. I think the biggest issue was that I was getting frequent yeast infections everytime I had an ultrasound. Even had a yeast infection during the IUI. Which she said it’s fine since the sperm goes further up.
When I conceived in Dec it was without any dr, I was working out, took a round of Letrozole and also took Mucinex.
Once I got pregnant I went to a new dr for all the ultrasounds and eventually for the MMC.
So I don’t know if I should even bother going back to the dr that treated my MMC since she doesn’t spcialize in fertility??
Should I find a new fertility dr which I’m absolutely dreddding.
Need advice!

I (m 19) have no idea what to do with situation surrounding my love interest.
(Please no mention of me being a pedo)
(I will not be using real names) The love interest is Belle (f 16), her parents are devorced. She has 2 siblings, a younger brother (middle child), and a younger sister (youngest). Her family lives far away from me, like 2hours away.
Belle and I have been friends for 8-10 years.. Every time we hangout we’ve just connected, and gotten the daydream love feeling.
When belle started high school (a year or two ago), she made some bad friends. As a result she began to smoke weed. Her friends were older than her and would supply her with drugs. She was constantly high, and acted very differently from before. At the time I was with my ex; and when I was talking to Belle, she was very aggressive when we were texting, she needed me to answer right away, it didn’t matter if I wanted to talk about it or not.
We usually talk on and off; we’ll usually talk a lot for a couple months, and then she’ll cut contact for a couple months, and then reach out to me. When I was with my ex it was summer time. Fall rolls around and she begins to message me. We would talk for hours and ft late, during this, she seemed normal. I had even gotten an apology for how she acted during the summer.
fast forward to around winter time, and I start to hear things are getting worse. She is almost always constantly grounded because she is caught having weed on her, and for being stoned. Then I hear that she is making up lies. Not the little type of lies, but serious ones. I remember one of them being that her brother SA her younger sister. Just on and off drama with police and the lies she’s been saying. Belle was also acting out, she would for no reason just hit her sister. Our families hung out for Christmas, belles actions affected her sister so much that when my mom held hands with the sister, the sister began to squeeze the daylights out of my moms hand because the sister thought it was Belle.
I recently had gotten into contact with her about 2 months ago, I was in a rough patch emotionally and with my family. When we talked this time she seemed nice like before. She helped a bit in starting the healing process with my family. As well as saying she has been sober and would continue to do so.
About a week goes by and she tells me she’s at a friends house. A couple days later I’m back home and find out that she actually ran away from home. The reason being that her father didn’t want to have her at his house. Belles mom said that she could stay given that Belle wouldn’t do drugs. Belle broke that rule, and the next day goes to her friends house. I find out later that she has been staying at a homeless shelter.
Just recently I had heard that she told the school that her mother abuses her. The cause of this being that she tried to sneak into her moms house, she was caught , and her mom lost her temper. All that Bells mom did was scream at her; unprompted, Belle begins to hit her mother. Belle told her friend’s mom that bells mom abuses her, this caused a friendship the sister had, to be ruined. Belle has also apparently rank during school hours and been drunk on numerous occasions. I also hear that she had been messaging a 23 year old trying to get with him, so she could live with him. And that she might be pregnant.
Belle and I both clearly have feelings for each other and have told each other so, we were waiting for a good time to start dating. But it is because of this, she will lie to me. In the summer time she never told me about her being high. She actually got mad at me when I was trying to hint at her doing something. Nearly everything about this situation, I have over heard because I hear it from my mom. (Bells mom and mine are close and would talk). The three of us believe that she lies to me because she doesn’t want me to see her in a different light, to maintain her sweet appearance. Going off of that, she acts differently at school,and at work. Her school thinks that she might even have multiple personalities.
I honestly don’t know how to cope/process this. Part of me feels bad because I feel like I can/should be helping, but I can’t do anything given the distance. I have no interest in dating her at this time because of everything that has happened and how she has treated me. I’ve talked to my counseler and a friend about this, they both have said that I should take a step back, kinda distance myself.
If anyone has advice on what to do, whether it be about the situation, or how I can cope with it, all would be appreciated. I’m willing to answer any questions you may have.

So I'm just here too vent I don't know where to start but I'll start at the beginning so some backstory, I grew up in a traditional household as in I was fending for myself from the age of 14 by that I mean that once I turned 14 I cooked my own meals I did my own laundry I cleaned my own room I did my own jobs where I got paid money for things Such as babysitting house cleaning and sitting. Also I feel like I should mention that I grew up in a sixth generational military household where we were Raised under strict discipline We were also raised to have strong moral values as in do not do anything illegal and be an upstanding citizen you see something wrong report it. So to the meat and potatoes of why I want to vent so For this we need to go back 12 years ago so I just graduated high school I decided I want to start dating so I ended up meeting the person who would become my life partner when I first met him and we were on our first date I specifically told him that if we are going to be serious there's a game changer or end of game for me would be If he Or any of his friends or family members Had a criminal record that it would be game over "sorry thanks for playing tell him what he has won Charlie". He very plainly told me that no everyone and his family and his life are good people. So I give him a chance and we ended up dating for 2 years. Eventually I ended up getting stationed far away and I asked him if he would like to move in with me and he said yes. After a short while of us living together we ended up getting pregnant with our daughter and then he wanted me to meet his parents. side note The reason why I haven't met his parents up until this point is because I was a strong believer in not meeting the in-laws until marriage was either on the table or at least in talks but I did not want to meet them unless I and he was absolutely sure that we wanted to take that step. So we eventually went to go meet his parents and siblings and his siblings kid and everything went well it was a very lovely meeting and there was nothing to complain about nothing out of the ordinary. It eventually got to the point where every weekend we would be going to his parents house and the rest of the pregnancy went by swimmingling no problems whatsoever. Eventually my daughter came into the world during the summer and she was full term healthy happy baby. After 2 months of recuperating from giving birth we went to go visit his family let them see their granddaughter, niece, cousin. When we arrived at my in-law's house his cousin was there just chillin sitting on the couch. My partner said "cousin you're out of juvee that's amazing I wasn't expecting you to be back so soon" Safe to say my eyes widen when I heard my partner say this because I flashback to when we first met and I specifically asked him if he had any family members or Or friends who Who had a criminal record. I pulled him to our room that we had aside at the In-law's house and hushley yelled at him saying that he had told me that he had no family members are friends with criminal records he very nonchalantly Said "oh cousin doesn't have a criminal record it was expunged when he turned 18" 🚩#1: I don't know about everyone else but this was a red flag when I first heard it cause he basically got me on a technicality But I still felt betrayed because his cousin was in juvee for a pretty bad crime.( Not gonna mention here but it will come into light later in the story.) I let it go for the moment And enjoyed the rest of my weekend unfortunately though I had left my ipod In my room cause I was told it would be safe there because I was also told that I should make my partner's room feel more homey to me. But when I had came back the following weekend to get my ipod it was not where I had left it I ended up tearing apart the room looking for it because it had sentimental value to me due to irreplaceable photos videos from high school of friends, friends who are no longer with us, events that I held dear from high school Especially all the events that come with senior year of high school. I asked all the family who were living in the house at the time if any of them had been in partner's room or Or borrowed my ipod and everyone said no everyone said I don't know where it is. I then asked who has been in the house during the week since I was gone and mother-in-law said oh cousin was here because he was having trouble with his girlfriend. I went to partner and asked him to call cousin to see if he borrowed my ipod because if he did then I would like it back because I have I have irreplaceable photos on the ipod. 🚩#2: Partner said no cousin wouldn't never take anything from my room cousin's not like that you're crazy why you being so upset and crazy over a few photos and a ipod. Partner also mentioned that because of my view of His cousin that that's clouding my Vision of him so of course I would automatically assume he would take it granted I did not specify he stole it I said borrowed did not say stolen please refer to previously mentioned reason why this ipod was so important to me...partner knew of the sentimental value of the ipod also that I paid for it with my hard earned money, it was the first expensive thing I had ever brought. Anyways partner had me second-guessing myself so I eventually just let go the fact that my ipod was missing I did not bring it up I should have it would save me a lot of mental health in the future anyways flash forward to 2015 my contract With the military was up I decided not to reinlist. As a goodbye gift my master chief had given me a deer antler bullet Pen that he had made personally for me. At the behest of his parents me and partner and our daughter moved into his parents place I kept the pen in a pen holder On my desk in my room At this point in time I was always out of my room and out of the house looking for a job. I didnt really need one I was making and still am making plenty from the VA. I'm sure a lot of you I probably gonna say that when I had moved in I should learn my lesson with the ipod and had installed a lock on the door but my in-laws were strong believers in a no lock policy in the house of course I did not And still do not believe in that policy I like privacy I do not like the idea of someone just randomly barging into my Space at any given moment. So eventually one of my old navy buddies had came to visit me and wanted to see the pen that master chief had given me. We wanted to compare the ones that Master chief had given both of us Every pen he had made was always unique so we wanted to see the difference Between the 2. Low and behold my pen was missing and I was devastated. And true Rinse and repeat fashion. I asked all the family members who were living in the house at the time if anyone had been in my room and took a pen they all looked at me like I was crazy and said are you going to get upset over a pen missing now and I specified that that pen was basically a parting gift from my boss for For being in the military. 🚩#3:After I realized that I was not gonna get anywhere with asking the family, I voice my concerns and grievances to my partner he also made me feel like I was crazy because he stated that "it's just a pen get over it". Eventually I did manage to get a few jobs over the next few years up until 2019 when I eventually decide I want to better my education and go to college so from June till may of 2020 I was going to college.side note: From when we had moved in with his parents all the way till even today I have been doing 90% of the housework as in I cook, I clean, I do laundry all the while working 40+ hour weeks. All partner ever does is just go do work with his dad And come home to fresh clean clothes and towel fresh out of the dryer laid out in the bathroom and a hot meal waiting on the table as I'm sure you're getting from the tone of what I'm saying right now I think you know Where this whole thing is gonna go real soon. So while I'm going to school and doing all the housework taking care of our child. My partner would come home shower do all the normal stuff and then go to bed but then he wouldn't touch me or be intimate with me he would always say I'm tired I'm not in the mood I have a headache. Maybe you dont understand partner but I never pressed on him because I assume because of certain work stressors He must be having a tough week so I never pressed him to be intimate with me. Pass to around a few weeks before Halloween I was just randomly scrolling on his phone looking at Halloween costumes for our daughter cause she wanted a very specific costume and he had gotten a text message from someone labeled under a male name and they said something that was very alarming and I looked in the text against my better judgment And what it said was hey how about we have another car date. I didn't want to jump to conclusions so me in stealth mode I text it back saying what would you like to do during the car date and the person replied oh the same thing we do every time we go on a car date you me in the back seat and you pounding me like crazy. With you saying my name and me screaming yours. Safe to say I was sick to my stomach just from reading what the person had text I had screenshot the text and I had sent it to myself and then deleted the text that I had sent to myself from my partner's fault I then put the phone away and then partner went and got his phone and I could see his face turned pale white as he saw that the Text had been opened but he didn't make any mention even brought it up. After this I went into FBI mode and I would casually look at his phone whenever he was in the shower he would always leave it charging as soon as he got home from work and then any text messages that seemed kinda off I would screenshot them and I would look app the number at a later time and back track it via Google. The information you can find on Google is crazy to me thank God for google. I eventually would get the person he was sending messages 2 send pictures as proof that they were together And evidence was unmistakable the things that she had sent made my stomach turn lowkey I could hear just what the episode of SNAPPED would have said about me if I had listened to that inner voice. After getting plenty of proof of his infidelity I eventually confronted him And here's where red flag number 4 comes into play. 🚩#4: He stated that I had become distant from him that I was more concerned with our child and school then I was with him and then also another thing that was basically as he said the straw that broke the camel's back was that I had put on weight. at this point in time I was Only 50 pounds heavier than when I got out of the military. He also mentioned that I didn't make time for him anymore Which was far from the truth if anything I always tried to push to have time with him on his days off but he was always "with his friends" I later found out that he was with her. Another reason he had given was that our relationship had grown stale and cold and boring and he wanted something exciting and new. I gave him the ultimatum either he picks me and our daughter or he picks his side piece. And true kid mentality he said it wasn't fair because he loved both me and her and he couldn't pick and he had the nerve to come up with the idea that we do a sister wife/polygamy type of relationship. 🚩#5: He even went As far to say that we should do an open relationship but primarily one where he would be in a relationship with someone but I would have to be faithful to him.another side note:he's not morman or LDS or muslim Very nicely I state did that it would be a cold day in hell when any of those options would be even viable to me.* Again I grew up in a traditional household where monogamy is a necessity And I also made it very clear when we started dating that I was a monogamous person so how this even became an idea in his head I have no idea.* So he tells me once he sees that I am dead serious that he chooses me and our daughter and I stated good choice and I thought that was the end of it until December of that year when I had heard his phone go off while he was again in the bathroom and I went to look at it and it was her and she had stated that He had left his wallet at her place when When he had seen her last week. I was feeling mad and when he came to sit back down on the couch I threw his phone at him I Called him out for the sleazy dog that he wasAnd brought up other harsh words Regarding events that had happened in the past years Since we had moved in with his parents. 🚩#6:He stated that he hasn't seen her since I had given him the ultimatum and that she is just trying to get rise out of me because he had told her that I had found out about her. Of course I did not believe him so once he left for work the following day I checked his Google location for the day that she had mentioned that he had left his wallet and lo and behold he had been at her house during that week and then also later in the day after the text he had been at her house again this time he was at her house for the better part of 3 hours when he strictly told me that he was gonna be super busy and working with yard tools where he would not be able to hear his phone go Off whenever I text or call him. * Yes I can hear you all screaming at me that I should have left him when he first had the affair but I don't know maybe I had my daughter in my mind and didn't want her to grow up in a broken household or whatever may be the case but for some stupid God forsaken reason I gave him another chance And kept giving him chance after chance every time I saw he had gone to her house* Eventually he had grown tired of the girl and then he settled back into being monogamous again and everything for the most part especially after covid happened was quiet and calm but that's what I thought. Queue cousin entering from left stage. Cousin ended up staying with us during COVID because again he had a falling out with his girlfriend now baby mama And one particular day I came home from working limited hours due to covid and I see an iPod that looks eerily similar to the one I had. Curious I looked at the back and low and behold there was still a sticker residue from A sticker that had previous There. Fun fact about my ipod I had an anime sticker That I had personally designed. Again curiosity got the better be and I unlock the ipod and check the serial number in IMEI numbers and check the same Info on the product box that I had gotten my ipod in and lo and behold they matched perfectly to a T. Stupidly optimistic I was hoping someone had found it where it might have been misplaced and I was hoping that my photos and videos were still on the ipod. But as I'm sure you're probably already guessing it was wiped clean and it was nothing but photos of and you guessed it cousin and his baby mama and their baby. every video and pic that I had on my ipod from when I first bought it In freshman year of high school to when I had eventually had my daughter Was gone forever. Cousin came out of the bathroom and asked what I was doing with his ipod. I'm sure you know where this conversation is going so I'm not gonna repeat it but let's just say a few harsh things were said and he eventually felt guilty for not coming to me and asking if the ipod was mine. I obviously gave it back to him because it had no more sentimental value to me because all my stuff was deleted and it was basically his at this point. So later that night I again leaned on Partner's shoulder and Express my grievances and how I didn't appreciate that he gaslet me into thinking that his cousin wouldn't take something out of his room when in later years it is found out that he did in fact I asked for an apology on the matter and he stated... 🚩#7: Why are you upset over something that happened in the past and over photos that Aren't that important.* Our daughter's entire birth was on the ipod by the way Not to mention all my pregnancy bump milestone photos were there too.Also I have fertility issues and was told carry children would be difficult...I think they meant conceiving because like a unicorn no morning sickness or any of the negative things you hear that comes with pregnancy* Later in the year 2020 partner's brother ended up moving out and moving about 2 hours North of us With his girlfriend now wife. In the same fashion as us not too soon after they moved into their new place they found out they were expecting their first child together. The entire pregnancy went by just as smoothly as mine but around December, Brother-in-law and cousin decided to do cross-country trip this is all that they told us we thought they were crazy because His brother-in-law was expecting his first child and cousin was expecting his second child And the babies were going to be due any day at most within the coming weeks. Well surprise surprise we get a call from brother-in-law's frantic wife stating something happened to brother in law and cousin and that she couldn't talk about it over the phone. When she eventually arrived she was hysterical, Tears rolling down her face I actually felt A sense of concern and dread for what she was about to say to us. So long story short cousin and brother-in-law had been working for unfavorable people and transporting unfavorable items across state lines. sil and cousins baby mama knew what they were doing and would tag along, they "didn't care because the money and their lives were good" * Brother-in-law's ex then gf had previously told me that he was working for the same unfavorable people and when I brought it up to 🚩#8: partner he said x is crazy don't listen to Her. (He later told he and fam always knew what bil and cousin were doing just never brought it up because 'thats cousin and bils business to tell us'* Again due to COVID the court system was delayed and brother-in-law did not go to jail right away. While we were awaiting a sentencing Brother-in-law set all the family down and asked us to look over his wife and kids (yes kids plural he ended up having a second child while awaiting sentencing stupid I know.) The rest of the family said they would look out for Brother-in-law's family. But here's where I'm going to sound like an a****** but I very plainly and bluntly told him that I will not look after his family because I did not marry "wife" and I did not have "kids" I also stated that he knew that he was expecting a kid and he went to do a run even though his kid was due any day and I also mentioned that he needs to suffer the consequences of his actions. To make it short the family looked at me like I was the devil for saying this but I have made it clear of where I stand when it comes to criminals and doing illegal activities. I also have made it very clear how I feel criminals should pay for their actions. I know this will sound cheesy but if you cannot do the Time do not do the crime. In my eyes this was a textbook case of f*** around and find out. I do not feel like I should bend over backwards when I am taking care of my own family and my own problems and adding my brother-in-law's problems to my plate. Again this is where I might lose people but as I previously I grew up in a traditional household where we pull our weight and take care our ourselves. Sister-in-law is now living with us she does not have a job, she does not want a job, she does not pitch in for any expenses. I am paying over 70% of the household expenses water, gas, Wi-Fi etc. * Also after looking at the mortgage payment statements the rent I pay my in-laws to stay in the house pays for more than half of the mortgage.* Sister-in-law does not pitch in a dime. She has no disability she can work she just chooses not to. Well if you couldn't guess it the house was tense for the rest of the time that brother-in-law was in the house until he was eventually sentenced and put in jail. So since brother-in-law has been in jail I still stick to the hole I don't help sister-in-law with anything pertaining to her, I don't ask her for anything. She's been making it a habit of calling my partner and having him move my car from the spots that Im able to get in front of the house before she got into the spot to have him move the car for her because she doesn't want to walk far with The kids. This was usually how things were done until yesterday when sister-in-law was calling my partner to have him move my car and he wouldn't answer because he was asleep due to being sick. So In a begrudging fashion I assume this was for her she calls me to have me move my car, I told her I don't mind the car being moved but she would have to come get the keys to move it as I was currently busy rearranging my Space, And that I was trying to get everything i needed to get done before my day was over cause this was my only day off during the week, And in A spoiled sounding tone she says whatever Forget about it. Later in the day when my partner had woken up he Received a call from Sister-in-law stating that I was being difficult and wouldn't move the car From my spot.* I think it's fair to Mention that there are plenty of spots In front of our house but for some reason she always wants to park where I park. She never calls anyone else who's parked in front of the house ,if they're parked there, to move their cars only me or my Partner.) Also full circle, I was cleaning out our family's "junk cabinet" yesterday during my cleaning frenzy and found my deer pen it was in fils work bag, and yes its mine says my rank and full name on it.(trust me it'll come into play) So after the call with sister-in-law partner starts berating me Stating that I'm a part of this family and that I should be helping everyone out nevermind that I pay 70% expenses and more then half of mortgage,among other things. I told him very sternly that I had let her know that she could come and move the car herself but I was currently busy. I also stated that I told her when When brother-in-law asked us to help out with his family that I would not be doing any favors I will not be dropping things at the Whim of a hat for sister-in-law. I have my own things I need to do I can't just be stopping what I'm doing just to help her just cause it'll make it more convenient for her. I also stated during the convo with partner that there are plenty Of Mother's whose Partners are also in the prison system Who have multiple kids who are doing just fine by themselves. And that sister-in-law needs to women up And handle things on her own. I also stated that I did not tell her to have the kids That was all her choice. I also stated that I have never asked or received help for anything during my time with him and his family. I've been a very self-sufficient independent person. I'd like to make it known that we primarily survive off my income alone most of his income that he gives to me goes into savings because I make a Remarkably large amount of money thanks to what I get from the VA and from my 40+ hr job in the federal sector. And with the hours I work I don't have to worry about childcare as I watch my daughter during the day, When partner comes home from his long day at work I will sleep for a couple of hours before I start my night shift, I also will sleep while my daughter is in school till I have to pick her up then I do housework and take care of my child till my Partner Comes home and cook dinner. The only reason we live with in-laws is to help them with the mortgage because the mortgage is so incredibly high in the area that we live in. So to reiterate I have never asked or needed help from any of partner's family. And I find it funny that they are now preaching that we're a family we need to help each other, Yet never once while I was living with them have ever offered help offer to watch a our child for the night or anything. Not that I would accept or anything just saying it would have been a nice gesture at the very least. But after partner said that we're family, I retaliated by saying family doesn't violate personal space and go in your room and steals your stuff. He sighed and said you're on that again and I said it's not just the ipod it is also the fact that your dad stole my deer pen. And that the ipod was and the deer pen is sentimental to me. Like a broken record I stated that the ipod had everything from my past that was irreplaceable memories of friends who are no longer with us and of our daughter's first breath into the world And the fact that he is not as mad as me about the fact that we no longer have the video of our daughter being brought into the World Is eye-opening. We ended the day on a sour note where he ended up sleeping on the couch and I in our bed. which has led me to write out my emotions because I just want to scream at him for 🚩#9: everytime he gave his free time to his family,when I couldn't even get 2 hours a day to just chat, the little bit of time I did get with him he just wants to "sit in silence" where he ends spends the time on tiktok. Also whenever I find out when i have a day off usually a month in advance. I try to plan an "US" day where its just me, him, and our daughter.spoiler alert I rarely if ever get to share a day off with him and when he manages one, on the day we had plans he says something along the lines of I have to do a tree trimmng job or fix a sprinkler head, he states "won't take long" then will call and say he'll be bit longer, rinse and repeat this and he spends the whole day at his clients house fixing his fuck up. no hes not seeing AP I have untraceable GPS trackers secretly hidden in all the vehicles, and no not illegal I legally own and insure all our vehicles at my suggestion due problems with the parents. Also partner owns piece of fils business so in a way its keeping track of work equipment in case it gets stolen. I've gotten to the point where the moment he says he's gonna take longer than planned I just leave with my daughter and do what I had planned like go to the zoo, museum, trampoline park, etc. Partner does not call me all day. im at the point idc,still frustrated but don't care. Also here's the cherry on the cake usually when me and daughter go out we get back right when partner gets home and is unpacking the work vehicle and he has this look like were you out of the house all day? Which is confirm with that very question coming from his mouth. I send our child to go in the house sensing where the convo was leading to and once she was out of ear shot. Again very bluntly I tell im not gonna cancel my day if your not gonna prioritize me and our daughter's time I had plans for today I told you in advance you made your choice of which is more important so while you used your day off to do an extra job I used my day off to make memories with our child. In true child fashion he says but I wanted to go to insert place too. You should've just waited to go on a different day. I tell him that he always postpones or comes up with a reason not to go (too expensive, too hot, will be crowded, blah blah blah) so instead I will make the plan to go tell him ahead of time if he takes time off great if not no sweat im still going. Boy he got so irritated for being called out especially when our daughter yelled from the doorway dad you always cancel on us. BTW daughter is unaware of partners affair on the day that I confronted him a close friend that I had told of my situation told me and partner that her daughter wanted to do a sleepover I was unaware this was her sneaky way of helping me. I just took advantage of the empty nest situation I'm sorry if this is more of a rant but my anger and emotions all over the place I'm half tempted of just ending things cutting ties with him and his family because they expect me to change my morality, which I'm very uncomfortable with that. Everything that I was taught respect the relationship your in, respect the law, dont do anything illegal etc these are basic common sense things. Mil, bil, and partner did not respect their relationships or partner. Mil and partner cheated (not with eachother gross but with other people). Bil left pregnant wife alone, due to have a baby anyday, to do something illegal. Also the mental abuse i deal with Partner's sisters bullying me by critiquing how my parents raised me, on my parenting, calling me a hypocrite on my morality because I was trying to pin a baby on partner (was not true he was given the choice to leave all the way up until before delivery) I'm just mentally, physically and emotionally tired. And separation is looking really like a good idea. I've asked for family and couples counseling, inlaws and partner say "we don't have issues you do,why dont you get it, your too needy and selfish always wanting to spend alone time with partner" Thats why I'm turning to reddit one to vent/rant and two for second opinions. I try to limit what I tell bout my family to my parents friends and sibs partly because I hate painting people I've chosen to keep in my life in a bad light also my dad and brothers wouldve have made partner and inlaws take a dirt nap in the desert if I had told them what they've been putting me through and what partner did around time of covid, no trace or evidence think scene from boondocks of the assassin who "took care of" the entire family.only my close friend has seen and knows the full extent of what I've gone through, so she could be a witness to my family if partner tries to spin this around in his favor. But also she suggest the reddit route so I can get opinions and see if maybe I'm seeing this in a different light like seeing this though a different POV. Any advice or insight would be appreciated. I know I most likely am gonna get hate for this next thing I about to say as well But when we found out she was pregnant with the second kid I said with a great deal of concern that she should "take care of it" because "if you arent sure if you can handle two kids while brother in law is away then maybe keeping this one isn't the best choice" Again family looks at me like I'm the devil for suggesting this.Just so It's made clear I was not pushing her to get an abortion I was just trying to make it clear to her that she is going to be having 2 kids under the age of 2 in her care While her husband is away. Also for further insight cousin broke up with baby mama while she was pregnant with second kid but after it was too late to do anything about it when baby mama announced her pregnancy (prior to the crime) i voiced my same concerns with her,in standard young dumb full of it fashion she state "we are in this ride or die" and now she cries to me saying she can't handle two kids and "why did i have a second one" baby mama is now regretting her decision.For any single parent taking care of two kids is a daunting task so I was just looking out for her mental health due to the fact that she would be Taking care of 2 kids by herself at the same time her partner was going to be going to jail for an undisclosed amount of time and at the time not knowing if she might have ppd like some people have after having Irish twins.

Hey Reddit
I'll try to make this as quick as possible tldr is that the bottom. I just learned what anxious attachment and fear avoidant recently and I've been doing some studying and it's exactly what both of our attachment bonding are. But it might be deeper than that in what has happened.
Fell in love with a girl online, she lives 4 hours away. She has two kids and an ex-husband who she lives with. We started off as friends quickly turning into a sexual dynamic, we basically have everything in common which we both love. I sense there was a difference between us as she's very intellectually smart but what I didn't know was that her intimate bonding was opposite of mine. She love my Independence my confidence and other things that I have not figured out yet. So within a month I ended up going to meet her and it was pretty magical LOL we ended up getting together right off of the bat. She even said I love you within the first day which I couldn't believe.
Soon enough I was spending every weekend and every few days in Chicago. Unfortunately she wouldn't let me come over and rarely let me see the kids because I was so new she didn't want to bring them in so soon. Her ex-husband at the time has not said anything to me but she insists that he is aware of me. It would be rather hard to not be aware of me because we spent several days together even. She insists she's very honest with me and she didn't lie. I trust this woman very much because we've had a lot of deep conversations about our lives and our desires and our future. All very genuine and loving. We literally talked everyday for hours and hours.
Some key things I thought about that I didn't take note of during our relationship was she mentioned she is trying to engage her feelings back again, she mentioned it to me she has suppress them in the past and she loves my emotions and my vulnerabilities with her. She mentioned how her eX as a similar sort of personality to me, but he doesn't try anymore and doesn't engage emotionally with her which she said she wanted.
So several months go by and we talk about me moving down and everything seems right. We find out she is pregnant and insist it's mine, I asked her several times in different ways and she did not have intercourse with anybody else. Several weeks go by and everything's great but suddenly there's a dynamic shift that happens. She's getting really distant and she says she doesn't know what's going on but she feels like she's really worried and afraid of the future. I try to console her and support her. Unfortunately she wants to have a break for a week to just recharge which I understood.
That week goes by and she ends up spending time with her ex-husband. That upcoming weekend I was not able to see her and she tells me she had a terrible time telling her mother about our baby. I suddenly I could feel the next day everything seems distant and I could sense it I reach out to her and she's not really responding. I sent her a very loving message... To reassure her asking for her to call me. The next day she sends me the breakup text. It's huge It's cold disconnected and it's like a totally different person took over her phone. It was analytical and straightforward like a matter of fact. That she chose to stick with her ex-husband break up with me and for her family. She expressed how she is scared of the future and is unsure about things for our baby. She said she wanted a week for me to process things. She says she cannot process things on the phone when she is stressed out or in the state of panic. But insist that she's emotionally unavailable.
As anxious attachment I freaked out pretty bad I thought I was completely taken for a ride. My family insist on giving her space and I trusted in that. I gave her a week and she didn't reach out so I reached out and we talked. She misses me very much and loves me still. She still won't call me or let me talk to her on the phone. She mentioned her desire for sex but no real mention of love or sentiments. Still very cold and robotic, insists that she's not trying to be cold even though she doesn't seem to care about my well-being or anything. Doesn't even seem to want to talk about the future or anything particular. Very hard to hold a conversation with her.
We have casual conversations here and there but she insists that she doesn't want to befriending of me. This has me very concerned because now there's a different shift again where we were okay having fun casual conversations. Our communication has completely changed. She said that reality slapped her in the face and the pressure from her family kids ex-husband has made things unbearable for her and our relationship has turned tumultuous because of her lack of communication.
She said she put boundaries so she can handle the first trimester alone. And she thinks she's going to try to get back with her husband to make the family work. She doesn't really have faith in me securing a job and an apartment nearby. She really wanted to not split up the family and run back and forth. I felt that was rather selfish I feel betrayed and neglected obviously. It was really hard to share with her that my father duties are missing out of this picture and for her to care about it is a whole different matter. She doesn't seem to care about me at all right now which is extremely confusing.
So we get sort of in a huge confusing back and forth because she gets an anxiety attack and then takes a break and comes back and tells me that we will figure everything out and talk things through in the future when she is calmed down not all over the place.
Then I give her a week break again because I felt that I put too much pressure on her to try to open up to me.
I come across a video about anxious attachment with fear avoidance ironically all of our trauma from our childhood exactly matches up for both of us her parents were neglecting her and so she put walls up to protect herself.
So watching a few videos I realize that I was handling communication and properly with her in this time. I have come through to open up dialogue with her but she has ignored me and questions and won't be light hearted with me anymore lately
I believe that she is still very much unavailable, she recognizes that I'm trying to support her. But she still disconnected and even worse I believe that she's really considering me not in the picture at all for the future or our baby which is still 6 months away.
---TLDR I did the love of my life for her to break up with me suddenly after we find out she's pregnant, not sure if she's manipulating me or have severe fear avoidant disorder
We've only been broken up for 1 month. So I have no idea what I'm dealing with here. My anxious attachment scream for the longest time that I'm missing my partner that she abandoned me in the time of need that I should have been there. And I feel that her safety net her ex-husband is what she's running to out of comfort. She put walls up to protect herself i e boundaries.
So I don't know which direction to go into how to approach this or if I have a chance to even ever be with her or fix the situation. She has insisted several times that she misses what we have and she is struggling very much coping she feels guilt and shame from her family because they are Catholics.
She is now refusing for me to go to the appointments with her and see her.
Some worries that were: she used me just to have the baby, she's still with her ex-husband this whole time and it might be his baby, he pressured her to stay with him so she doesn't lose the house or her children Ie he manipulated her.f And family pressured her to break up with me.
The last one is most likely true. The others I don't know yet fully.
Thank you

i genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. i hate feeling like this and i just want it all to stop. people say on here “the average person throws up only once or twice a year so we stress every day about something that rarely happens” like yeah i get that but i am so nauseous EVERY DAY. i am going through a lot of stress right now and i get panic attacks which is the only thing i can say might be contributing to the nausea. but im on meds for my anxiety and panic attacks so idk what im doing wrong. im not pregnant. i dont think there’s any way i got food poisoning or the stomach flu. me and my bf both got pastries from a bakery this morning for breakfast and we got lunch from a restaurant and we shared our meals. he feels perfectly fine and im spiraling. i also have ibs and gerd and im just freaking out. ik its not good to try to search for the cause but i cant stop anymore. my stomach is feeling tight and i felt like i had to use the bathroom so i did. i felt worse after and thats when the nausea started but it was minimal. i started panicking and the nausea got so bad i was convinced i was gonna puke. im disappointed in myself but i took zofran. idk why but i feel like its not working. i took it about 40 mins ago and i still feel anxious. i kinda feel like i need to use the bathroom again but im too scared to get up. while i took my zofran my boyfriend held me as i sobbed in his arms. he was scratching my back and telling me that im okay. he’s seriously the best i swear. he’s the only person that actually takes my phobia seriously. now i’m more relaxed propped up in bed. i’m still crying but laughing in between because he’s trying to lift the mood lol. my stomach still feels like i need to use the bathroom again and it still feels tight and sick. i’m so scared. i know it’s bad but all i want is some reassurance and someone to tell me why i feel this way. i thought i was progressing enough to where i didn’t want it anymore but i was wrong. i seriously feel like im going to puke and i need to know how to stop it because IM NOT READY. someone please give me advice or anything because i seriously don’t feel ready and i just want to enjoy my day.
edit: so it’s been a couple hours and hasn’t gotten any better. i haven’t puked but i think it’s definitely still a possibility. i have officially taken zofran, pepcid, and an off brand version of dramamine. i feel like it’s been so long that i think actually being sick is the only cause. i’m terrified and i really need someone to talk to.
edit #2: it’s now officially 24 hours since my symptoms started. a few hours after my last edit i started to feel a lot better and ended up sleeping 11 hours lol. i woke up this morning feeling a lot better. i decided to pick up my room a bit and i realized after standing for a while that i was starting to feel gross again. not the same as yesterday but still gross. i was dizzy, a little nauseous, and SUPER fatigued. i felt like i couldn’t catch my breath. i’ve decided to just sit down and do nothing the rest of the day because then i don’t feel gross.
i’m starting to think that this was really just anxiety and a lot of built up stress. i am currently taking final exams and i graduate this week. my baby brother was in the er a couple days ago which made me turn in a paper too late and my teacher wouldn’t accept it so it dropped my entire grade to an F. also i’m moving out on my own for the first time in a couple weeks to escape my toxic parents. one thing about me is that i never realized how stressed i am until my body decides to tell me😭 i really appreciate all of the comments it’s really helped me. i’m just upset with myself for how i acted and how much i let myself spiral. i’m in therapy, im on anxiety medication, i use a lot of coping mechanisms, and i let myself experience exposure when i can but nothings helping.

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION & INDICATIONS Do not use if you are allergic to dupilumab or to any of the ingredients in DUPIXENT®. Before using DUPIXENT tell, your healthcare provider about all your medical conditions, including if you: • have eye problems. • have a parasitic (helminth) infection. • are scheduled to receive any vaccinations. You should not receive a “live vaccine” right before and during treatment with DUPIXENT. • are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known whether DUPIXENT will harm your unborn baby. • A pregnancy registry for women who take DUPIXENT during pregnancy collects information about the health of you and your baby. To enroll or get more information call 1-877-311-8972 or go to https://mothertobaby.org/ongoing-study/dupixent/. • are breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed. It is not known whether DUPIXENT passes into your breast milk. 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The most common side effects include: • Eczema: injection site reactions, eye and eyelid inflammation, including redness, swelling, and itching, sometimes with blurred vision, dry eye, cold sores in your mouth or on your lips, and high count of a certain white blood cell (eosinophilia). • Asthma: injection site reactions, high count of a certain white blood cell (eosinophilia), pain in the throat (oropharyngeal pain), and parasitic (helminth) infections. • Chronic rhinosinusitis with Nasal Polyposis: injection site reactions, eye and eyelid inflammation, including redness, swelling, and itching, sometimes with blurred vision, high count of a certain white blood cell (eosinophilia), gastritis, joint pain (arthralgia), trouble sleeping (insomnia), and toothache. • Eosinophilic Esophagitis: injection site reactions, upper respiratory tract infections, cold sores in your mouth or on your lips, and joint pain (arthralgia). • Prurigo Nodularis: eye and eyelid inflammation, including redness, swelling, and itching, sometimes with blurred vision, herpes virus infections, common cold symptoms (nasopharyngitis), dizziness, muscle pain, and diarrhea. 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INDICATIONS DUPIXENT is a prescription medicine used: • to treat adults and children 6 months of age and older with moderate-to-severe eczema (atopic dermatitis or AD) that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin (topical), or who cannot use topical therapies. DUPIXENT can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with atopic dermatitis under 6 months of age. • with other asthma medicines for the maintenance treatment of moderate-to-severe eosinophilic or oral steroid dependent asthma in adults and children 6 years of age and older whose asthma is not controlled with their current asthma medicines. DUPIXENT helps prevent severe asthma attacks (exacerbations) and can improve your breathing. DUPIXENT may also help reduce the amount of oral corticosteroids you need while preventing severe asthma attacks and improving your breathing. DUPIXENT is not used to treat sudden breathing problems. It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with asthma under 6 years of age. • with other medicines for the maintenance treatment of chronic rhinosinusitis with nasal polyposis (CRSwNP) in adults whose disease is not controlled. It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with chronic rhinosinusitis with nasal polyposis under 18 years of age. • to treat adults and children 1 year of age and older with eosinophilic esophagitis (EoE), who weigh at least 33 pounds (15 kg). It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with eosinophilic esophagitis under 1 year of age, or who weigh less than 33 pounds (15 kg). • to treat adults with prurigo nodularis (PN). It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with prurigo nodularis under 18 years of age.