Argumentative topics about medicine

I’m overthinking this again. Perhaps my mental state is way too erratic, but now I suddenly am thinking I’ve been too inaccurate beforehand, so now I think my typing may be wrong (again). It’s not easy to be as truthful as I can. Honestly, my view of myself is very strange. I have always been very unsure. So I wonder if I’ll get the same or a possible different answer. I apologize if I wrote way too much here or got off topic to the question.
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I’m a minor (15), so perhaps accuracy could be affected by that. I’m a female. I think I’m very quiet and blend into the surroundings most of the time (and it’s not easy for me to be otherwise if I, for some reason, ever attempt to be that way). I either talk way too much, or talk too little. This is because if I don’t talk that means I really don’t know what to say, and when I end up wanting to say something it’s a lot of built up things. Also I think I end up adding random things to what I say for some reason. When I’m having a conversation, I usually spend most of the time while they’re talking thinking of how to properly respond, because I DO have an idea for what I want to say, I just don’t know how to formulate or back it up properly that quickly. For this reason, I realize I might miss out most of the details they’re saying, so I try to do both now. This is why I find texting much easier. From what I hear from others, perhaps I’m a little too reserved that it could be seen as rude. However, I myself think I talk just well enough. I’m actually somewhat hyper and energetic most of the time, but not verbally. This is because I think it would be too exhausting to express that in such ways. I think a lot about what some things mean. I’m unfortunately very quick to anger, especially if I believe someone is being way too idiotic or if I’m told I’m incorrect in how I think. Perhaps this may be normal to get annoyed about? But I know I get very irrationally angry about these. I don’t think anybody in real life would notice I have anger issues unless we’re close. I’m very neurotic. Actually, I’m going to mention that generalizing myself is difficult simply because it’s strangely difficult for myself to describe or identify my own traits. Also, it’s a bit difficult to not start explaining too much and focusing on small things (but I think I already did that).
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
No diagnosis.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
Religious influence? Perhaps not strongly, although my family is Christian, they are not very strict on it nor have they forced it upon me. Actually, it was very interesting and I did believe in it at first, but due to my curiosity I think I ended up asking so many questions that eventually it somehow led me to stop believing in any sort of theistic way.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I don’t have any, but I want to answer this with what I used to aspire to be. Very early on, I really wanted to be a scientist and kept insisting to be, but then lost interest, I don’t remember why, but right now I’m thinking it’s because something about it is slightly terrifying. Very recently I wanted to become a writer because I think I was very passionate about stories in general, but I have realized how unsuccessful I might be if I chase for that with the amount of motivation and skill I have for it right now, so recently I’ve been thinking I’ll do something math-related, since I am good at it.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
Refreshing for most of the time, but I think I would get lonely a few times. This is assuming I have nothing else to do and can do what I want.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I don’t really know what activities I prefer, maybe more of ones that are having to do with dexterity. I am TERRIBLE at sports, I am too wary during ball games (but this is because I’ve been hurt a lot playing with other people too many times). Badminton is the sport I am best at. I can play with quite average skill there. I actually enjoy it too, but I’m not sure how to explain why, perhaps due to liking the feeling of light movements (if that sounds correct). I like to walk, it helps me think when I imagine things. I don’t like walking if I have to do anything else with it, it’s much harder to focus.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I think I’m pretty curious. I’m not sure though. I have more ideas than I can execute ONLY BECAUSE I don’t have the required skills to execute those ideas. My curiosities are about whatever another person brings up, perhaps. Or I’m curious about people’s analysis. My ideas are very conceptual, I suppose. My ideas are more like creating a story, or combining two stories together. Or I take one small thing from a story I know of and imagine things focusing on that. I think I’m imagining too much about media I consume, but I don’t normally do otherwise.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
I would enjoy it for the sake of a false sense of responsibility, either that or for the sake of trying something new that I’m not good at. However, I know I am not responsible enough to be good at it. As long as there is time for our team to do the task, I think I could possibly be able to do it. But I’m a terrible leader since I would end up being unable to think of anything. I would rather lead by being a participative leader, because that’s the only way I can lead properly.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
Perhaps I am coordinated, but I don’t understand this question at all. I may enjoy working with my hands. I don’t understand what this question means by “describe your activity”.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
Perhaps I am artistic, I do draw sometimes, especially if I’m bored. My art is likely just drawing humans, and nothing unordinary, just normality, I don’t know why I prefer doing so. However if I was able to draw something that was quite surreal, then I would like to do that a few times. I just wouldn’t do it all the time because I don’t think I would have that many ideas.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
The past is just gone. You apparently can’t change the past, though it would be interesting if we could go to the past. But it’s not easy for me to think so much about the past voluntarily. Sometimes I do connect the past with the future, but it’s not because I actually think hard of it, it just happens. But usually if I think about the past too much, or actually try to think of the past, the first things I start focusing on are bad memories. I did mention in previous times that I answered this sort of question that I did not like the past, but of course as long as it’s not because I’m focused on one terrible thing that happened to me or one terrible thing I did, it’s not bad. The present is just a moment and then gone. So what? Also, we’re not really in the present, are we? I don’t even know what’s going to happen in my future, so I think I can only form an opinion on the idea. I mostly have a bit of an optimistic thought that it will go well since it always isn’t as bad as I think, but at the same time there’s a feeling of dread.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
I don’t think I would react that strongly unless it is bothering me when I’m trying to do something and I’m focused on doing it. Otherwise I would try to help without feeling any bother, but I may wonder why they need my help even if it’s incredibly obvious why. If I decide to help them I’ll just do so because otherwise they’ll likely bother me with it. Either that or just because I can.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
I don’t think this is a good question, do some people really think they don’t need it? If there are such people, I wonder what their thought process is with that. Basically, why wouldn’t I?
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
I don’t think I’m efficient or have good productivity, but I do think I stress out over it. Low efficiency annoys me which is probably hypocritical. Although, I mostly do get annoyed about those when it comes to group work, because personally in those I would try my best to be efficient and productive.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I don’t think I do, but I might have done it without noticing. I think I would likely do it if I had the incredible need to change the topic of the conversation. Otherwise I don’t think I would bother doing it, why should I care enough to control others, especially since that takes too much effort?
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
I draw sometimes, to pass the time when I’m bored and to just picture things I want to picture. Also to show people. I just mostly like drawing to see the results. Strangely with painting it’s different, I just like the act of doing so, but I don’t really care about results, so it ends up very messy. I like to write sometimes but only because I get overwhelmed and end up wanting to write what has been stuck in my head for so long onto something. So I guess that’s a hobby, but it’s somewhat tiring so I don’t write for long periods of time. I do photography as a hobby, but I only picked it up because other people in my family I have noticed are incredibly terrible at taking photos, so out of annoyance I end up volunteering to do so. I end up liking it just because I like to look at how it looks on camera, I suppose. Especially with lights, because I recently noticed how it looks on photo.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
A few years ago I took a test for this kind of thing during secondary/middle school. I suppose it said auditory. Though that’s likely inaccurate now since I prefer reading the instructions and everything else, because it’s easier to figure out where to go from there and I can focus on it better. I don’t know what learning environment I struggle in most, though I do struggle slightly if I have to do exact memorization, but as long as I can attach it to something and I put effort in it perhaps it’s alright. I prefer classes with logic.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I usually improvise but have a slight idea of what I’m doing. As in, I have a slight idea on the topic but I’d rather not be rigid on it because otherwise I would be focusing too much on one thing and likely miss something that would be good to add, rather than just having an idea then adding onto it if I thought of something. I’m not sure if that counts as winging it and improvisation though. I’m not good at strategizing but I can certainly try if I have a certain goal.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
Improve myself in general, because what else can I do? Just be successful and become someone that has a lot of capability. That first, then I perhaps could focus on something else. My reasoning is, I don’t improve myself first, how can I actually end up being able to do any other aspirations that I have?
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
I fear the idea of losing thought of everything. Or losing all rationale. I don’t know what makes me uncomfortable. I hate it when I’m dragged into something when I made it clear I would rather not be, especially when they never even told me about it until a second before dragging me into it. I hate it when people bring up something, and when I finally decide to express my thoughts about it, they talk over me or interrupt me. Either that, or they just tell me to not think so much. This is incredibly annoying to me, but I suppose it would annoy anyone.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
I think I would be very calm and focused. I think I would feel very lucid.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
I think my lows would be feeling an incredible amount of dread. Or I would be very anxious and slightly more impulsive. Though, I think nobody would notice much in real life.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I think I do pay attention sometimes but it’s inconsistent when I do or don’t. I pay attention if I have to. I like to daydream sometimes. I’m not sure if I pay attention more or daydream more. How would I be aware of my surroundings if I do daydream though? Obviously not.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
First of all, do I know why I'm there? If I don’t I would wonder about that. Also is it that I suddenly got there, or was I brought there? I think I wasn’t sure of any of these, especially why I’m there, then I would think I was kidnapped and just try to get out of that room. Ignoring all that, I would probably walk around a lot and think of the same things I always daydream about or imagine about. But wait, how long am I supposed to be staying there? Is there an obvious part of this room where I can just leave or is it basically just nothing? Really this is a bit too unspecific.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I usually try to think a lot before making an important decision, after all, there is always the chance my first idea could go wrong if I don’t think it over first. I usually doubt myself once I made that decision even though I thought it through a lot. I rarely end up regretting it and changing my mind though. However, I sometimes end up doing things on impulse either if I’m tired or for some reason I don’t even know. In which case I 100% change my mind.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
It takes a while. I do know how I feel towards certain things but it takes time to understand or explain why, otherwise it’s difficult to express. I usually process this myself. Emotions are important, I guess. Aren’t they motivators though? It’s the entire reason why I’m actually doing anything, so I don’t see why it wouldn’t be.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
I end up doing this sometimes, just not directly saying I agree or not directly saying they are right, because most of the times I do this I do know I disagree, I just don’t have a coherent argument that is enough to be convincing, or one that is enough that my view seems rational, because most of the times I notice the other person would see the opposing viewpoint as incredibly irrational and stupid. I am working on not doing this though, because it’s likely better to make them think about it than doing nothing and keep them thinking something that they could change their mind on or I could change my mind on. Another reason why I’m working on this because I realize agreeing without actually agreeing would end up nagging me in the head.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
No, I don't break rules often. I’m either afraid of being punished, or because I see the rules are pretty rational and I understand them, even if I wouldn’t personally impose those rules myself. It’s not too difficult for me to try and adapt to those rules if different places have different rules. I do find myself re-checking the rules a lot though. I only don’t give any mind about rules if I really hate the community or place in which these rules have been imposed on. But if I hated it in the first place, why would I even be there? Anyways, challenged or not challenged, it’s not one or the other, it really depends on how the authority does things. Consider what they’re like first and what they do in their role then judge if they should be challenged or not challenged.

I genuinely think image generation on itself isn't bad other than people being a bum themselves with it, which let's be real has already been happening without the introduction of AI.
Job losses? Forced to do soul-crushing labour like making SpongeBob plushies in a Chinese factory? That's not even the generator tool's fault. If anything that shows the corruption of corporations and companies.
Content oversaturation? Slop? Have you looked at most short form content creation? They're made "humanly" without any AI intervention. Antis and pro-AIs can agree are all mindless content.
The value of conventional art going down because of it being impossible to differentiate from AI-generation? Who cares! There's plenty of digital artists trying to mimick traditional pieces! However, you shouldn't lie either way though (especially in commissions). Whether or not you made something with AI, you should be upfront about it. Scamming and lying is a different topic by itself, is completely unrelated to AI.
Generating misinformation to defame people? Making nasty stuff of people? You don't even need AI to do that. That's a crime by itself already.
Nearly all arguments against image generation fears the gun and not the shooter. While I'm aware since AI's introduction, some flaws are more noticeable today; I wish antis would see more about the bigger picture.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. Due to some problems (pandemic, financial, depression), she's still in uni, barely halfway through. Her parents are still working their asses off to help her finish her studies and still lives with them (is the only one of her siblings still in their house). Though she's dropped hints and we have discussed it, I've been holding off asking her to move in until she's done with school because I know we're financially not ready to live together.
Now, considering that she still lives with her parents and is being set to uni by them, I've been telling her that she should be more understanding of them when they and her siblings make jokes like "So when are you going to graduate so we can retire?" I know that can be painful and frustrating to hear, and possibly could make her depression worse, but I just somehow can't muster up any frustration at her parents as well (I do feel bad when her siblings make the joke, I don't think it's their place to do so). They're old, they're tired, I kind of get it. She gets pissed and feels sorry for herself every time a topic like that comes up, and when she's not responsive to my input on it, I just try to comfort her (she often wants me to ask the "Are you just ranting or do you actually want my take on this?" otherwise it could lead to an argument -- it's almost always that she just wants to rant though).
But the longer we've been dating, the less understanding I become of her plight, I think. She lives mostly alone because her parents travel for work but they try to be home like 3x a week, and when they are and want to rest and ask her to clean up or whatnot, she complains (it's not like she's asked to do everything, her mom still does her fair share). She complains that her siblings (all of whom are already working or have their own families and live separately) do not get the same kind of treatment.
I don't think she's lazy because she takes care of the house most of the time and cleans up after their family cats, but she feels burdened by these tasks and other errands they might occasionally send her on. Though I feel for her sometimes especially on the days when I know she's already busy with uni and the occasional gig, in my head I sometimes can't help but think that it's the least she could do since she's still living with them rent-free; I know I did when I lived with my parents after graduating. I can't bring myself to tell this to her directly though because I know she'll just get mad or pity herself again.
Am I just being insensitive and do I need to adjust how I see her situation? It's just that every time she has these crises, I start having doubts about being with her because of how different out mindsets about this seem to be. Is that a shallow reason to end a relationship over? Please feel free to give me some harsh truths that I may need to hear. I can provide further context if anyone feels I'm giving just one side of the story, but I'm for now reluctant to give away too much info in case she stumbles upon this post.

Life was perfectly normal and mundane until the day I inherited the Magic 8 Ball from a distant relative who had recently passed away. At first, it seemed like a quirky keepsake, a relic of childhood nostalgia. But as I held it in my hands one overcast evening, an unsettling feeling crept over me. There was something off about it, a strange, almost ominous vibe that seemed to emanate from its old, worn surface. I glanced at my wife, blissfully unaware, sitting across the room. Our love had always felt like a sanctuary, yet now, this seemingly innocuous toy had introduced an inexplicable sense of dread into our home. It just felt off, like something not meant to induce tension into the air but certainly did at the time. I never mentioned it to Anna since the evening was beautiful, and the mood was full of anticipation for the upcoming playoff game. We were looking forward to some good old hockey. As a joke, I asked the Magic 8 Ball if our home team was going to win the game, chuckling at the childish stupidity that brought back fond memories of my youth.
“Cannot say now,” the 8 Ball in my calloused hand read a few seconds later.
I wasn't surprised by the answer, knowing it was just a toy with a limited set of responses. Maybe I'd ask it again during the first intermission, I thought to myself. As the puck dropped, the game started with a few penalties and a goal against us just before the initial 20 minutes of the period ended. I had almost forgotten about the toy relic that had been passed down to me recently. As the first intermission progressed, I picked up the 8 Ball again and asked if our team would win against the opposing team.
“Certainly, it will be legendary,” I read after a short pause.
Initially, I thought it was an odd answer, but what did I know? It was probably made in the '60s when people were a bit more open-minded to quirky responses. I smiled at Anna and showed her the response. She found it funny, and her laugh, as always, became the highlight of the moment. Her laughter has always been the center point of my love and affection for her, making her the undeniable lead honcho in any group she’s a part of. During the 2nd and 3rd periods, we witnessed our home team not only tie the game but score an additional 4 goals in rapid succession against the opposing team. It was not only legendary as the 8 Ball predicted, but it also sent the stadium into a roaring frenzy. Later, it was said that the noise level matched that of an Airbus A-220.
"It seems the Magic 8 Ball helped me win my $20 bet on our home team," I said confidently to my wife. "Probably just by chance, but who knows? I could use it to predict Friday's lottery numbers."
She smiled and told me to give it a shot, but I knew it was futile. Just like trying not to wake Anna up while leaving for work, it always ended with her sensing the creaking floorboards. About a few days had passed before we ended up having a heated argument about the dreaded topic of having kids in the future, I of course never want the sobbing, snot wheezing kids that take up 150% of your future time and life that could be used for retirement time in Hawaii. But, of course, she had bipolar opposite views on the topic. She wanted kids, perhaps to sow our six-year marriage back together. I, on the other hand, was dead set against it, feeling as if she were trying to force feed me a hefty dose of the plague. At the time, I had just stormed out of the room to cool off and muttered something I still regret to this day.
“Damn it, when will Anna's obsession with having kids ever end?” I grumbled to myself in frustration.
Suddenly, the 8 ball I’d left in the den flashed with a bright white light, like a screen turning on. Just as quickly, the flash disappeared, replaced by a simple message on its black surface.
“Soon enough, Derrick,” the ball read, almost mockingly.
My focus shifted from Anna's relentless talk about kids to the unnerving fact that the 8 ball not only knew my name but also had an answer for such a ridiculous question. I hadn’t even touched the thing—don’t you need to shake it for it to work? At this point, I was tempted to toss that relic into the trash and be done with it, but being a bit stubborn, I decided to let the demonic thing be and left it to its own devices. A few days had passed, and Anna and I had made up after our brief argument on that chilly Tuesday afternoon when I got home from work. She promised to hold off on bringing it up again for a while and to let me consider our options going forward. Life has been running smoothly again, and our home hockey team won their semi-finals match today, heading to the finals. Anna and I are caught up in the excitement of tomorrow night's game and are pretty pleased with how this year has gone, especially with our 7th anniversary just around the corner!
Work has been dragging lately, and I find myself just wanting to fast-forward to the day I wake up next to Anna and kiss her passionately on our long-awaited 7th anniversary, which is now just a few days away. As for the 8 ball of unknown origin, it's still just sitting dormant in the den. To be honest, I'm quite surprised it hasn't detonated or flashbanged me again whenever I step in there to grab some work files on clients. But no, it just sits there menacingly, waiting to tell me something I don't want to hear.
Anna and I had planned a special outing for our 7th anniversary. We decided to visit our favorite local donut shop around noon. As we prepared to leave, I grabbed the old magic 8 ball, intending to throw it away on the way there. As we approached the intersection on 136th street, the light was red. With a playful smile, I asked the 8 ball one last question.
"Will the light turn green soon?" I asked, grinning at my overjoyed wife.
"Unfortunately, yes," the 8 ball replied.
I showed Anna the response, and she chuckled, thinking the toy wanted us to be stuck at the red light. When the light turned green, we started to cross the intersection. Suddenly, Anna gasped and clutched her chest. I managed to swerve to the side of the road just in time to avoid an oncoming car. I pulled over, my heart pounding, and turned to her in panic.
"Anna, what's wrong?" I asked, fear gripping me.
"I don't know," she whispered, her face pale and sweaty. "I just feel... so weak."
I rushed her to the hospital, where doctors ran a series of tests. After what felt like an eternity, they diagnosed her with a rare and severe illness. The news hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt the world spinning around me. For the next few weeks, Anna's condition worsened. I spent every moment by her side, watching helplessly as she battled the illness. The magic 8 ball sat untouched in the den, its last message haunting me.
"Unfortunately, yes," it had said.
Despite the grim prognosis, Anna showed that sickness can't stop her indominable human spirit. We took things one day at a time, finding solace in each other's company. Our 7th anniversary passed quietly in the hospital, but it was a day filled with love rather than despair. As the weeks turned into months, Anna's condition slowly worsened. The doctors were hoping it would get better eventually.
One day, I decided to confront the magic 8 ball. I picked it up and asked, "Will Anna get better?"
The answer floated to the surface: "Signs point to no."
I refused to showed Anna the response, it would only make things worse. We placed the 8 ball back on the shelf, as a relic of doomful honesty, but as a symbol of the future and the past. Our journey wasn't over yet, I have to spend as much time with her before she departs.

I genuinely don't know what to do in this situation. I can't tell if I have issues or what, but I feel like a monster for how I am feeling right now. I'm on my last year of high school before I go to college, so, I think I need to unload some stuff here right now. This might be a long vent, but here it goes.
Way before my mom got cancer, me and her have a very complicated relationship, you know, the typical teenager and traditional, old school parents kinda thing. Understandably, I'm known to be a lazy, spoiled, arrogant, and selfish kid, who doesn't give a shit about anybody else except for himself. Since I was younger, that was how I was raised, I had everything already ready on my hands. Besides that, I have some attention/ focus issues, as I would daydream unusually way too much and I have low understanding skills, thus always getting left behind by my classmates. I have high self-awareness on my flaws, and that is part of the problem.
My mother has always been strict with me and my older brother, for a good reason. She grew up very.poor and had to work hard for decades to get to where we are. This took a massive toll on her health, as she now has an autoimmune condition and her body had been failing her. I always considered my brother to the favorite child, because he's the smartest, most diligent, and loyal kid in the family -- unlike me. My mom has always claimed that she loves us all equally, but she always compares me to my brother, and even my friends, who are always winning trophies and getting top grades in school. I never won a trophy or medal before, and never got the top grades.
School was always something I struggled with. I'm pretty sure I have ADHD but I haven't confirmed yet. I tried asking my mom if I could perhaps see a doctor or try to get her attention on my problems, but my mom is the type of parents that doesn't believe in mental health and just called me a "lazy, selfish, brat". She uses the claim that "You haven't suffered before, there are others having worst than you" and etc. She brushes away my problems, claiming them to be a negative flaw of mine. Not only that, she is also homophobic, much to the dismay of my closeted self. I know about my flaws and I've been trying to better myself, but because of the things that I did, my mother has zero trust in me and continued to treat me as if I was going to do something bad again.
Because of this, thoughts of suicide and even more violent thoughts arrived. There were many times where I had attempted to do it, but I was too much of a coward, another flaw that my mom pointed out. Quarantine took a massive impact on me and I have felt like absolute shit. My mind became so down in the deeps, that I even developed an unhealthy addiction to something that I am too ashamed to mention here, but just so you know, it is something that ruined my life, relationships and my sleep. Nobody knows that I have this addiction.
Then, at one point, I broke down and told my mom about my issues and how I attempted suicide. But all she did was brush it off and used those same words again, and then it became a joke. Since then, my emotions went from sad and utterly depressed, to just full on anger and hatred. Me and my mom would get into more frequent arguments and such, but it was nothing too big and wasn't that much. But that all changed a few months back.
A few months back, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. It broke her and the family apart. I hated seeing my mom in this condition, always in pain, crying and screaming because of the painful medicine and treatment, and just, she was in absolute pain. But she still continued work from the early morning until the late of evening, just to support us. I tried doing my best to help her, but she told to just "focus on my studies and graduate". I even offered to find a job or something besides school, but she told me that it was stupid and that a child shouldn't have to do this. My mom still cares about me, despite the fact that she was slowly dying.
However, perhaps because of the treatment and the fact that she doesn't have much time left. my mother became much more angrier. Everyday now, she would shout and berate people, from waiters in restaurants, the entire family (even my grandparents), my father, and me. My brother is living abroad in a different country, which means that he doesn't understand what's happening on home, which is why I couldn't talk much about my mom with him because he always assumes I'm overreacting.
Eventually, all that anger and frustration that my mom felt, all came down to me. She would take out it out me verbally and emotionally, by berating me, screaming at me in public, and calling me all sorts of terrible things. She wants to see me become perfect and succeed, thus why, I believe she was being super strict with me. I stopped fighting back with her and I just endured all the anger, as I knew that if I retorted, she would die quicker.
However, I guess the breaking point was an argument in the hospital. There was a miscommunication between me and her, which led to the worst berating of my life. She called me a "heartless brat" and "a piece of shit", and claimed that I don't love her and I only want her alive for the money. I couldn't take it anymore so I shouted back, and told her that I wish I was never born to be her child, and then I stormed out from the hospital, unable to keep myself calm any longer.
And now since then, our relationship has been growing more complicated. Some days, she would be fine and happy to be with me and the rest of the family. But on most days, she would just explode. The berating got worse with me, especially how she told me that she would rather die than see me become a failure. I have also grown more violent, as I would now punch or hit my head on the walls, and I wanted to kill myself not because of my depression, but because of pure anger and spite at everything. I started treating everybody like shit, always getting angry at them and secretly feeling hatred and envy towards my friends. I had thoughts of beating people up or hurting others physically, and some more violent thoughts, but I just couldn't find the right chance to do that. I even planned my suicide and secretly wrote a note, ready to use it when the time comes.
As I am typing this now, me and my mom had another big fight regarding a schoolwork of mine. In one of our classes, we were supposed to have some kind of project fair, basically presenting our essay. It was supposed to tomorrow, but the dumbass, boring teacher that everybody hates moved it to Tuesday -- the day that me, my family, and mom will be going out of the country to treat my mom at an advanced hospital. The teacher then claimed that for those who did not show up, they will get a zero. The teacher is known to hate teaching his students, doesn't bother to make the class engaging, and would give people low scores no matter what. Because of this, my mom had to admit about her cancer to the teacher and why I should present tomorrow, instead of Tuesday. My teacher luckily agreed and I would be presenting it tomorrow alone, which is fine. My mom emailed me the message about that news. However, I accidentally misread something in the message, which would become a terrible fault of mine. Today, when my mom was talking the project to me, there was a word that I didn't recognize and tried to ask what she meant. This exploded her and she screamed, berated me for the entire afternoon, because I had misread one word.
Now, I have locked myself up in my bedroom, typing this. I want to just jump out from my window and end it there. My mom always told me that the reason for her cancer, was because of me. So if I just end myself now, I don't think my mom will be in pain anymore. I know my mom doesn't mean what she said, but words hurt a lot more than anything. I want to get out of here, but at the same time, I want to stay. If I try to talk about this with my mom, she'll just berate me again and call me ungrateful again. I think I'm in my breaking point and I don't know what to do. I hate myself, and I want to end it. I can't take it anymore.
Am I being selfish? I'm sorry that this is a long vent, I just need to release some steam. I love my mom so much and she has made so many sacrifices, just to feed us and build a roof over our heads. I want to help her, but I am genuinely conflicted. Hopefully one day, I can resolve our relationship. I don't know what to do. I just want my mom to understand me.

What am I doing wrong here? Need help.
Hi everyone. I am not sure this is the right community to post this but I cannot think of anything else right now so here it goes.
I moved to Mumbai last July for my job as a banker in a public sector bank and I share a flat with a colleague (works in a different branch of the same bank)
Now the thing is this flatmate (25F) has always been very quiet and initially it felt that maybe she’s just an introvert, hence she keeps to herself mostly doesn’t talk much. We had problems getting along since the beginning because she does things at a slow pace, is forgetful (sometimes when i come home after work, I see the windows open and the lights on), is messy (we share a bathroom and she leaves a bunch of her hair in the drain after every hairwash day and its gross to see that). Basically she’s the youngest in her house and always had her father or brother to do shit for her.
I, on the other hand, come from a family where things weren’t handed to me on a platter and have had a upbringing with the mindset of “getting things done asap” (which def has made me an anxious person)
Anyway, we have always had issues adjusting because I have always had a problem with her just doing things without communicating with me. Example: my room has ac but it didn’t work and when summers started I thought I will only get it serviced after talking to her, and getting her opinion on how she wants to spend summers because one ac is in my room and other is in the hall so i thought maybe we could sleep in the hall together and that would help with the electricity bill also. She was out of town so I spent a few days without the ac because i wanted to talk to her before getting it serviced. But once she was back, she straight up told me how she had already asked the owner for installing another ac in her room without even mentioning it to me because now ofc there would be an increase in the electricity bill. Again, i let it go thinking that maybe she wanted privacy and that’s okay.
But, when the ac was installed in her room thats when she told me to split the installation cost and the ac rent for the ac in her room. For a week she didn’t tell me anything about the cost involved in installing the ac and the ac rent. It wasn’t even my decision to install the ac and neither was I informed that I will have to pay for the ac in her room. (Ac in my room came with the flat so no charges are there for that)
Her behaviour is very strange. At the slightest of arguments or disagreements she starts this silent war where she stops communicating at all and I keep wondering what I have done wrong to deserve this. Yes, clashes happen when you live with someone but i don’t understand this behaviour of putting up a wall and acting as if there is no one else living in the same place. Whenever this has happened, i am the one who initiates conversation after that all the time.
Two weeks ago, i heard her bitching about me to someone on the phone and i was obviously hurt but I don’t keep things to myself and pretend that everything is okay when its not so i told her that I could hear her talking about me. To which, she said “next time if you have a problem with my voice disturbing you please knock on the door.” I mean, i was hurt because of what she was saying and not because i had a problem with her volume.
I was fed up of this and hence decided to send her a text asking her to please not act this way and she confronted me about that text. In that conversation i told her i felt hurt about what she said and she said “I am not responsible for your feelings “ and told that she doesn’t like to justify her actions when i brought up the ac topic. I can’t tell you how much it hurt to hear that from someone who you consider an almost friend and who’s been your flatmate for almost a year. Yes we are different people but imo this was a low blow even when she was in the wrong.
Silent war after this has been going on for over two weeks now and honestly i am so so so tired and anxious all the time. I look for ways to not come to the flat. Lease is ending this month, i will move out but my god this has taken such a toll on my mental health. I just keep crying thinking that it went to this extent because I don’t realise what i have done wrong to deserve this behaviour. I dont even know how can someone be so cruel say words like these, bhai mere ex ne bhi ye sab nahi bola kabhi!!
Anyway, please tell how to adjust for the next month because my god everyday i wake up with anxiety and feeling weird about my living situation and there is this weird aura around all the time. Please help.

What am I doing wrong here? Need help.
Hi everyone. I am not sure this is the right community to post this but I cannot think of anything else right now so here it goes.
I moved to Mumbai last July for my job as a banker in a public sector bank and I share a flat with a colleague (works in a different branch of the same bank)
Now the thing is this flatmate (25F) has always been very quiet and initially it felt that maybe she’s just an introvert, hence she keeps to herself mostly doesn’t talk much. We had problems getting along since the beginning because she does things at a slow pace, is forgetful (sometimes when i come home after work, I see the windows open and the lights on), is messy (we share a bathroom and she leaves a bunch of her hair in the drain after every hairwash day and its gross to see that). Basically she’s the youngest in her house and always had her father or brother to do shit for her.
I, on the other hand, come from a family where things weren’t handed to me on a platter and have had a upbringing with the mindset of “getting things done asap” (which def has made me an anxious person)
Anyway, we have always had issues adjusting because I have always had a problem with her just doing things without communicating with me. Example: my room has ac but it didn’t work and when summers started I thought I will only get it serviced after talking to her, and getting her opinion on how she wants to spend summers because one ac is in my room and other is in the hall so i thought maybe we could sleep in the hall together and that would help with the electricity bill also. She was out of town so I spent a few days without the ac because i wanted to talk to her before getting it serviced. But once she was back, she straight up told me how she had already asked the owner for installing another ac in her room without even mentioning it to me because now ofc there would be an increase in the electricity bill. Again, i let it go thinking that maybe she wanted privacy and that’s okay.
But, when the ac was installed in her room thats when she told me to split the installation cost and the ac rent for the ac in her room. For a week she didn’t tell me anything about the cost involved in installing the ac and the ac rent. It wasn’t even my decision to install the ac and neither was I informed that I will have to pay for the ac in her room. (Ac in my room came with the flat so no charges are there for that)
Her behaviour is very strange. At the slightest of arguments or disagreements she starts this silent war where she stops communicating at all and I keep wondering what I have done wrong to deserve this. Yes, clashes happen when you live with someone but i don’t understand this behaviour of putting up a wall and acting as if there is no one else living in the same place. Whenever this has happened, i am the one who initiates conversation after that all the time.
Two weeks ago, i heard her bitching about me to someone on the phone and i was obviously hurt but I don’t keep things to myself and pretend that everything is okay when its not so i told her that I could hear her talking about me. To which, she said “next time if you have a problem with my voice disturbing you please knock on the door.” I mean, i was hurt because of what she was saying and not because i had a problem with her volume.
I was fed up of this and hence decided to send her a text asking her to please not act this way and she confronted me about that text. In that conversation i told her i felt hurt about what she said and she said “I am not responsible for your feelings “ and told that she doesn’t like to justify her actions when i brought up the ac topic. I can’t tell you how much it hurt to hear that from someone who you consider an almost friend and who’s been your flatmate for almost a year. Yes we are different people but imo this was a low blow even when she was in the wrong.
Silent war after this has been going on for over two weeks now and honestly i am so so so tired and anxious all the time. I look for ways to not come to the flat. Lease is ending this month, i will move out but my god this has taken such a toll on my mental health. I just keep crying thinking that it went to this extent because I don’t realise what i have done wrong to deserve this behaviour. I dont even know how can someone be so cruel say words like these, bhai mere ex ne bhi ye sab nahi bola kabhi!!
Anyway, please tell how to adjust for the next month because my god everyday i wake up with anxiety and feeling weird about my living situation and there is this weird aura around all the time. Please help.

Life was perfectly normal and mundane until the day I inherited the Magic 8 Ball from a distant relative who had recently passed away. At first, it seemed like a quirky keepsake, a relic of childhood nostalgia. But as I held it in my hands one overcast evening, an unsettling feeling crept over me. There was something off about it, a strange, almost ominous vibe that seemed to emanate from its old, worn surface. I glanced at my wife, blissfully unaware, sitting across the room. Our love had always felt like a sanctuary, yet now, this seemingly innocuous toy had introduced an inexplicable sense of dread into our home. It just felt off, like something not meant to induce tension into the air but certainly did at the time. I never mentioned it to Anna since the evening was beautiful, and the mood was full of anticipation for the upcoming playoff game. We were looking forward to some good old hockey. As a joke, I asked the Magic 8 Ball if our home team was going to win the game, chuckling at the childish stupidity that brought back fond memories of my youth.
“Cannot say now,” the 8 Ball in my calloused hand read a few seconds later.
I wasn't surprised by the answer, knowing it was just a toy with a limited set of responses. Maybe I'd ask it again during the first intermission, I thought to myself. As the puck dropped, the game started with a few penalties and a goal against us just before the initial 20 minutes of the period ended. I had almost forgotten about the toy relic that had been passed down to me recently. As the first intermission progressed, I picked up the 8 Ball again and asked if our team would win against the opposing team.
“Certainly, it will be legendary,” I read after a short pause.
Initially, I thought it was an odd answer, but what did I know? It was probably made in the '60s when people were a bit more open-minded to quirky responses. I smiled at Anna and showed her the response. She found it funny, and her laugh, as always, became the highlight of the moment. Her laughter has always been the center point of my love and affection for her, making her the undeniable lead honcho in any group she’s a part of. During the 2nd and 3rd periods, we witnessed our home team not only tie the game but score an additional 4 goals in rapid succession against the opposing team. It was not only legendary as the 8 Ball predicted, but it also sent the stadium into a roaring frenzy. Later, it was said that the noise level matched that of an Airbus A-220.
"It seems the Magic 8 Ball helped me win my $20 bet on our home team," I said confidently to my wife. "Probably just by chance, but who knows? I could use it to predict Friday's lottery numbers."
She smiled and told me to give it a shot, but I knew it was futile. Just like trying not to wake Anna up while leaving for work, it always ended with her sensing the creaking floorboards. About a few days had passed before we ended up having a heated argument about the dreaded topic of having kids in the future, I of course never want the sobbing, snot wheezing kids that take up 150% of your future time and life that could be used for retirement time in Hawaii. But, of course, she had bipolar opposite views on the topic. She wanted kids, perhaps to sow our six-year marriage back together. I, on the other hand, was dead set against it, feeling as if she were trying to force feed me a hefty dose of the plague. At the time, I had just stormed out of the room to cool off and muttered something I still regret to this day.
“Damn it, when will Anna's obsession with having kids ever end?” I grumbled to myself in frustration.
Suddenly, the 8 ball I’d left in the den flashed with a bright white light, like a screen turning on. Just as quickly, the flash disappeared, replaced by a simple message on its black surface.
“Soon enough, Derrick,” the ball read, almost mockingly.
My focus shifted from Anna's relentless talk about kids to the unnerving fact that the 8 ball not only knew my name but also had an answer for such a ridiculous question. I hadn’t even touched the thing—don’t you need to shake it for it to work? At this point, I was tempted to toss that relic into the trash and be done with it, but being a bit stubborn, I decided to let the demonic thing be and left it to its own devices. A few days had passed, and Anna and I had made up after our brief argument on that chilly Tuesday afternoon when I got home from work. She promised to hold off on bringing it up again for a while and to let me consider our options going forward. Life has been running smoothly again, and our home hockey team won their semi-finals match today, heading to the finals. Anna and I are caught up in the excitement of tomorrow night's game and are pretty pleased with how this year has gone, especially with our 7th anniversary just around the corner!
Work has been dragging lately, and I find myself just wanting to fast-forward to the day I wake up next to Anna and kiss her passionately on our long-awaited 7th anniversary, which is now just a few days away. As for the 8 ball of unknown origin, it's still just sitting dormant in the den. To be honest, I'm quite surprised it hasn't detonated or flashbanged me again whenever I step in there to grab some work files on clients. But no, it just sits there menacingly, waiting to tell me something I don't want to hear.
Anna and I had planned a special outing for our 7th anniversary. We decided to visit our favorite local donut shop around noon. As we prepared to leave, I grabbed the old magic 8 ball, intending to throw it away on the way there.
As we approached the intersection on 136th street, the light was red. With a playful smile, I asked the 8 ball one last question.
"Will the light turn green soon?" I asked, grinning at my overjoyed wife.
"Unfortunately, yes," the 8 ball replied.
I showed Anna the response, and she chuckled, thinking the toy wanted us to be stuck at the red light. When the light turned green, we started to cross the intersection. Suddenly, Anna gasped and clutched her chest. I managed to swerve to the side of the road just in time to avoid an oncoming car. I pulled over, my heart pounding, and turned to her in panic.
"Anna, what's wrong?" I asked, fear gripping me.
"I don't know," she whispered, her face pale and sweaty. "I just feel... so weak."
I rushed her to the hospital, where doctors ran a series of tests. After what felt like an eternity, they diagnosed her with a rare and severe illness. The news hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt the world spinning around me. For the next few weeks, Anna's condition worsened. I spent every moment by her side, watching helplessly as she battled the illness. The magic 8 ball sat untouched in the den, its last message haunting me.
"Unfortunately, yes," it had said.
Despite the grim prognosis, Anna showed remarkable strength. We took things one day at a time, finding solace in each other's company. Our 7th anniversary passed quietly in the hospital, but it was a day filled with love and hope rather than despair. As the weeks turned into months, Anna's condition slowly stabilized. The doctors were cautiously optimistic, and we began to see a glimmer of hope. The scare made us appreciate every moment together, cherishing the small victories and holding onto hope.
One day, I decided to confront the magic 8 ball. I picked it up and asked, "Will Anna get better?"
The answer floated to the surface: "Signs point to yes."
I showed Anna the response, and she smiled weakly. "Maybe it's not so cursed after all," she said. We placed the 8 ball back on the shelf, not as a relic of doom, but as a symbol of hope and resilience. Our journey wasn't over, but we faced it together, stronger than ever.

Hi everyone. I am not sure this is the right community to post this but I cannot think of anything else right now so here it goes.
I moved to Mumbai last July for my job as a banker in a public sector bank and I share a flat with a colleague (works in a different branch of the same bank)
Now the thing is this flatmate (25F) has always been very quiet and initially it felt that maybe she’s just an introvert, hence she keeps to herself mostly doesn’t talk much. We had problems getting along since the beginning because she does things at a slow pace, is forgetful (sometimes when i come home after work, I see the windows open and the lights on), is messy (we share a bathroom and she leaves a bunch of her hair in the drain after every hairwash day and its gross to see that). Basically she’s the youngest in her house and always had her father or brother to do shit for her.
I, on the other hand, come from a family where things weren’t handed to me on a platter and have had a upbringing with the mindset of “getting things done asap” (which def has made me an anxious person)
Anyway, we have always had issues adjusting because I have always had a problem with her just doing things without communicating with me. Example: my room has ac but it didn’t work and when summers started I thought I will only get it serviced after talking to her, and getting her opinion on how she wants to spend summers because one ac is in my room and other is in the hall so i thought maybe we could sleep in the hall together and that would help with the electricity bill also. She was out of town so I spent a few days without the ac because i wanted to talk to her before getting it serviced. But once she was back, she straight up told me how she had already asked the owner for installing another ac in her room without even mentioning it to me because now ofc there would be an increase in the electricity bill. Again, i let it go thinking that maybe she wanted privacy and that’s okay.
But, when the ac was installed in her room thats when she told me to split the installation cost and the ac rent for the ac in her room. For a week she didn’t tell me anything about the cost involved in installing the ac and the ac rent. It wasn’t even my decision to install the ac and neither was I informed that I will have to pay for the ac in her room. (Ac in my room came with the flat so no charges are there for that)
Her behaviour is very strange. At the slightest of arguments or disagreements she starts this silent war where she stops communicating at all and I keep wondering what I have done wrong to deserve this. Yes, clashes happen when you live with someone but i don’t understand this behaviour of putting up a wall and acting as if there is no one else living in the same place. Whenever this has happened, i am the one who initiates conversation after that all the time.
Two weeks ago, i heard her bitching about me to someone on the phone and i was obviously hurt but I don’t keep things to myself and pretend that everything is okay when its not so i told her that I could hear her talking about me. To which, she said “next time if you have a problem with my voice disturbing you please knock on the door.” I mean, i was hurt because of what she was saying and not because i had a problem with her volume.
I was fed up of this and hence decided to send her a text asking her to please not act this way and she confronted me about that text. In that conversation i told her i felt hurt about what she said and she said “I am not responsible for your feelings “ and told that she doesn’t like to justify her actions when i brought up the ac topic. I can’t tell you how much it hurt to hear that from someone who you consider an almost friend and who’s been your flatmate for almost a year. Yes we are different people but imo this was a low blow even when she was in the wrong.
Silent war after this has been going on for over two weeks now and honestly i am so so so tired and anxious all the time. I look for ways to not come to the flat. Lease is ending this month, i will move out but my god this has taken such a toll on my mental health. I just keep crying thinking that it went to this extent because I don’t realise what i have done wrong to deserve this behaviour. I dont even know how can someone be so cruel say words like these, bhai mere ex ne bhi ye sab nahi bola kabhi!!
Anyway, please tell how to adjust for the next month because my god everyday i wake up with anxiety and feeling weird about my living situation and there is this weird aura around all the time. Please help.

F29 with a M45. Had a few things to iron out in our relationship of 6 months (officially)
We get on really well but my god every conspiracy going, he’s into it. I don’t mind with a few of them because who am I to judge - I don’t have all the answers. I kind of like it in a way sometimes because I find it funny and interesting that he thinks about these things.
But it is currently everything. Weather control, rigged elections, pyramids, covid, Stonehenge, aliens in Mesopotamia, flat earth (he’s not a flat earther but thinks that I should be open minded to that it could be…) hidden ancient high technology. One of his friends had a go at me once for not doing ‘my own research’ around ‘the great reset’ which I kind of just laughed off because I think it’s ridiculous and if there really is a great reset, I’m unlikely to live through it so I don’t really care.
Boyfriend went to Egypt just before we started dating and argued with the tour guide in Giza about the origins of the pyramids. Believes he was indoctrinated.
See also ancient structures, claims that ‘they’ don’t want us to know about them. ‘They’ hide it from us. Archaeologists are brainwashed and when things are found that don’t fit the version of history we have or time period, they discredit it and say it’s not real - like apparently a bit of metal that was found somewhere which showed proof of advanced machinery BC. When I googled this, the only article I found had the more plausible answer that actually it fell off a bit of machinery (in present time) that was digging up the ancient site
A lot of ‘they’ control this, and I’m like who’s they/them (?) the non binary elitists of the world?!
Doesn’t tend to bother us day to day but tonight we’ve had quite a big argument about conspiracies. He thinks I’m a government puppet and will stunt my growth by never thinking out of the box.
For context, I am a medical professional that very much deals with what’s happening NOW and what I can do right in that second to help my patients and he is in a manual field where that sort of stuff doesn’t come into play. The Covid topic for me is off limits because I worked throughout the pandemic and he respects that, yet all the others creep in.
Is this a dealbreaker? This is the biggest red flag and it seems so ridiculous/comical but I worry it is a sign of things to come?
TLDR - my boyfriend loves conspiracies, I don’t care for them but it doesn’t sit right with me and I can’t pinpoint why. They’re not damaging but I worry he lacks critical thinking - but I don’t think lack of critical thinking is a reason to end things?

I’ve been with my partner for almost a decade and over that period of time I’ve been very proud of our ability to work through conflict in our relationship together. We argue several times a month but always manage to resolve the issue and I always feel that our relationship is stronger afterward.
However, this morning as we left to go have a nice day out shopping, we got into an argument in which I felt strongly that my words were being misrepresented. As an example, I had said, “I don’t really care where we go today”, meaning “I just want to spend time with you, it’s not important where that is” and my partner interpreted that as “I don’t really want to be here”. When they got upset about this I tried to correct their misconception but they didn’t seem to understand or accept that (I’m still unsure why). Things got heated and feelings were hurt on both sides. My partner said “let’s not fight in public” so we dropped it and moved on with our day together. I still felt upset but was able to push past that knowing that we would be able to talk about it later and resolve the conflict, as we always do.
We had a nice day out together but when we got back home, I raised the topic of the argument, and my partner said, “I’m not going to talk about this. We both clearly have strong feelings about what occurred and I don’t think anything constructive can come from talking about it. I think it would be best if we just moved on and let it go.”
At this point in the day I was fine with not rehashing the specifics of the fight but I continued to press them about what we could do in future to ensure similar miscommunications wouldn’t occur. My partner refused to answer and said that if I continued to press them about it I would be violating their boundaries.
I respect their refusal but I’m finding it extremely difficult to let it go. This way of dealing with conflict feels alien and terrifying. The issue feels unresolved, unfixed, and most importantly I feel like we’ve just shoved the problem under the rug. I’m extremely afraid of being unprepared to address similar miscommunications when they inevitably rise again since I still don’t really understand what happened. Plus I still feel pretty hurt and frustrated that they might still have a misconception of my opinions. I’ve tried self-soothing but I still feel anxious. What do I do to move forward here?

Thank you guys for all your nice comments on my previous post! Here's my followup post walking through the anthology - I apologize for the delay, but I wanted to sit with this half of the album a bit longer. This analysis will be slightly different: first I’ll go through themes present throughout the anthology, and then walk through each song individually, since it’s not as consecutive of a story as the first album. As with my first analysis, I tend to also stay away from literal details as proof that a song is about a certain subject or muse – to me, it’s easier to understand the album when you think first about what the song’s overarching meaning is, rather than getting caught up in literal details (and I think Taylor often throws these in as red herrings). Moreover, it’s important to note that it’s likely that the literal detail she’s thrown in is one that only she and the muse will understand (i.e. her referencing a lilac skirt in imgonnagetyouback is unlikely to be one we’ve ever seen her wearing in public, so it’s useless to paternity test based on that detail!).
Firstly, the word anthology means a collection of assorted literary works. As a result, I think there are more themes scattered through this album, and it’s meant to be a little harder to parse than the first one. I think this album is what TTPD would have been before it crystallized into a tighter theme – similar to the 3 AM tracks for Midnights, the majority of which were written prior to the standard edition’s tracks.
There are a few themes throughout this album. From a romantic context, to me, this album is primarily about Joe. I’ll walk through why I believe that, but this album feels less muddled to me in terms of its muses, and I think that is in part due to the fact that her self-described mania from the standard edition is not a theme on the anthology. This work also covers her own relationship to celebrity and fame, and how that affects her romantic relationships and her personal life in general. And finally, I think the final theme throughout this collection is the idea of childhood, of formative experiences, and how our author goes about processing events that happen to her.
The Black Dog
What happens when you intimately know someone, when you share every aspect of your life with someone, and then it's over? Six weeks after their breakup, she’s barely holding it together (“I move through the world with the heartbroken”). She even tried to rebound her pain away (“I took the miracle move on drug, the effects were temporary”), and wasn’t able to succeed. Meanwhile, she sees him go to a bar, and she has the sudden realization that he may be able to do what she failed to do – he might be able to move on, with someone new. Reckoning with that realization is horrifying. If he is able to pull it off, what does that mean about the love they shared? When he had told her for years that he was who he was for her, and her alone?
You said I needed a bravе man
Then proceeded to play him
Until I believed it too
And it kills me
How could they go from being so intimate that they shower together, that she’s aware of his every move, to being so distant from each other that she wonders if making her fall in love with him was a hazing? And the cruelest part of it is – she doesn’t want either one of them to be able to move on, and give validity to the fact that they weren’t right for each other, even though she knows they have to. Moreover, she’s already *tried* to move on at this point, and failed – she tried to manufacture a counterfeit version of their intimacy, but what if he’s able to perfectly replicate it? And to really drive in the knife, what if it’s with someone younger than her?
And you jump up, but she's too young to know this song
That was intertwined in the magic fabric of our dreaming
Given that a theme throughout the first album was her feeling like she’d given him so much of her youth, so much of her childbearing years, with nothing to show for it, what does it feel like to know that he can essentially reset time, by being with a younger woman, but she’ll never be able to get that time back?
imgonnagetyouback
We know that her and Joe took a break or two while they were together (see: Hits Different, The Great War, in addition to PR articles). To me, this song is about when you do take that break from your partner, and you’re trying to make a point to them that they’re not going to find anyone better than you (I can tell when somebody still wants me, come clean) – the two of you are too intimately intertwined to find a suitable replacement. You know what to wear, what to say, what to do to bring them back to you:
I, I hear thе whispers in your eyes
I'll make you wanna think twice
You'll find that you were never not mine
This song also has a lot of similarities to So Long, London, which is why I attribute it to Joe. To me, it provides a deeper story to some of the lines she touches on in So Long, London:
I didn't opt in to be your odd man out
I founded the club she's heard great things about
And to some of the lines in Hits Different:
I washed my hands of us at the club
You made a mess of me
I pictured you with other girls in love
Then threw up on the street
//
Bet I could still melt your world
Argumentative, antithetical dream girl
imgonnagetyouback is a story of one-upmanship – of trying to out-jealous your partner, of proving to them that nobody knows them better than you do. And maybe this time when they’re both playing this game, it works:
Push the reset button, we're becomin' something new
Say you got somebody, I'll say I got someone too
Even if it's handcuffed, I'm leavin' here with you
//
We broke all the pieces, but still wanna play the game (Oh)
Told my friends I hate you, but I love you just the same
Pick your poison, babe, I'm poison either way
The spacing to me is a deliberate red herring (the 1975 very famously made a song called fallingforyou), and a way to illustrate that the subject of the song wants space from her – but she’s not going to give it to him. This is another theme that calls back to Joe – in So Long, London, she describes him as constantly pulling away (Pulled him in tighter each time he was driftin' away). Matty didn’t pull away – he was all in for two weeks, until he chose to ghost her, and leave abruptly. There was no slow death, no push and pull to her relationship with Matty – it was a meteoric rise and fall.
The Albatross
This song feels like a sister song to “peace” – she describes what it’s like to love her. It’s a little more twisted, however, as she describes her love for her partner as both a danger, and a rescue from the danger she’s imposing on him by being involved with him:
Wise men once said
"Wild winds are death to the candle"
A rose by any other name is a scandal
Cautions issued, he stood
Shooting the messengers
They tried to warn him about her
She’s described herself as wind and liquor in her relationship with Joe previously, in Mastermind:
I'm the wind in our free-flowing sails
And the liquor in our cocktails
She has empathy for the narrator, but disdain for herself. There’s also acceptance though: she knows that she tried to prevent it, and tried to warn him about the danger she posed. In the end though, he chose this life with her, and he chose the danger – there’s only so much she can protect him from.
The devil that you know
Looks now more like an angel
I'm the life you chose
And all this terrible danger
Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus
This song feels like another sister song to The Black Dog – how does she cope with the idea that her long-time partner might move on? How does she cope with the fact that if she chooses to leave, she also chooses the future in which they both move on? A future in which they don’t know each other? It also touches on her wondering if she should move on with Matty, and how feasible it would be to know someone else instead of her partner:
If you want to tear my world apart
Just say you've always wondered
This song, more than anything else, illustrates that moving on with Matty was nothing but a way to move past Joe – what she really wants, more than anything, is a response greater than indifference from Joe:
As the decade would play us for fools
And you saw my bones out with somebody new
Who seemed like he would've bullied you in school
And you just watched it happen
There’s also the realization that Joe may never love who she is now – who she was at the beginning of their relationship will always be who he prefers:
If you want to break my cold, cold heart
Just say, 'I loved you the way that you were'
She’s trying desperately to find some way to make up for the fact that she had to leave Joe, that there was nothing she could do to stay – she tried changing everything about herself, but still, the need to leave him eventually caught up with her:
I changed into goddesses, villains and fools
Changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules
All to outrun my desertion of you
And you just watched it
And she wonders whether despite his indifference, and the distance between them, she should still stay:
Could it be enough to just float in your orbit
Can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses
Cooler in theory but not if you force it
To be, it just didn't happen
But now, they are merely ghosts of who they once were – it’s not possible to force the relationship anymore.
How Did It End?
When a long-term relationship ends, you can point to the factors that led to its demise: a difference of opinions on money, on marriage, on children, and so forth. It is easy to determine the “what” and the “why” of an ending. But what is harder to diagnose is how you both became the versions of yourselves that weren’t on the same page, that were unable to discuss these topics, that couldn’t move past these dilemmas. That is much, much harder to pinpoint, and this is the question Taylor asks in this song. She knows what killed them:
We hereby conduct this post-mortem
He was a hot house flower to my outdoorsman
//
We were blind to unforeseen circumstances
We learn the right steps to different dances (ohh)
And fell victim to interlopers' glances
Lost the game of chance, what are the chances?
But what she still doesn't know is how it happened – how did it end? She also finds the empathy from the media and from the public to be false and selfish – they only want to know what happened to feverishly spread the news like wildfire.
Come one, come all
It's happenin' again
The empathetic hunger descends
We'll tell no one
Except all of our friends
We must know
How did it end?
//
Soon they'll go home to their husbands
Smug 'cause they know they can trust him
Then feverishly calling their cousins (ohh)
//
Say it once again with feeling
What the feeding frenzy wants more than anything is gossip, and they don’t care that she is utterly lost – lost as to why this happened, and lost physically and mentally:
Guess who we ran into at the shops?
Walking in circles like she was lost
How does she give an answer to quell the empathetic hunger, when she herself doesn’t understand exactly how it happened?
So High School
In an album that touches so much on feeling like she’s running out of time to have the future that she wants, and running out of youth to give the various men who come into her life, it is interesting and heartwarming that the song about Travis on the anthology is one that describes being with him as regaining her youth:
The brink of a wrinkle in time
Bittersweet sixteen suddenly
Moreover, another detail to note in this song is the difference in how she describes alcohol and drugs – in nearly every other song on TTPD, alcohol is a vice she uses in her moments of despair, and drugs are what her previous partners turn to in their moments of strife (she also describes the influence of drugs on her partners as something she detests – “sinking in stoned oblivion” and “you needed me but you needed drugs more”). With Travis, she’s not imbibing in any substances – instead, his thoughts and jokes are enough for her:
I'll drink what you think, and I'm high
From smoking your jokes all damn night
Travis is giving her back her youth, making sober promises, and the impression that we get is that they’re building this dreamlike reality together – it’s wholesome, all-American, and high-school-inspired, yet still grounded in something tangible, unlike the promise of fate and destiny, which powered her relationship with Joe and her entanglement with Matty.
I Hate It Here
More than anything, I think this song illustrates how Taylor sometimes uses escapism and maladaptive daydreaming to ignore the reality of the situation she’s dealing with. She recognizes that it’s not possible to stay where she is, locked inside this prison of stagnation and boredom:
If comfort is a construct
I don't believe in good luck
Now that I know what's what
She recognizes that this isn’t what she used to be, and that she never intended to choose this life of secrecy, perhaps alluding to all those years she spent “locked inside her house”:
You see I was a debutante in another life but
Now I seem to be scared to go outside
She describes herself as finding hope in the places her mind creates (seemingly alluding to her creation of characters and places for folklore and evermore):
I hate it here so I will go to
secret gardens in my mind
People need a key to get to
The only one is mine
I read about it in a book when I was a precocious child
And her escapism into her past, and imaginings of what could have been:
I hate it here so I will go to
Lunar valleys in my mind
When they found a better planet
Only the gentle survived
I dreamed about it in the dark
The night I felt like I might die
All throughout the song, there’s recognition that she doesn’t want to be here – she doesn’t want to feel as if the only place she can be free is in these imaginary worlds she creates. But there’s also concession – is she perhaps only destined for an eternal consolation prize? For loneliness? For imagined romanticism? For the fantasy of how she imagined her life and her love to be?
I'm lonely but I'm good
I'm bitter but I swear I'm fine
I'll save all my romanticism for my inner life and I'll get lost on
purpose
This place made me feel worthless
Lucid dreams like electricity, the current flies through me,
and in my fantasies I rise above it
And way up there, I actually love it
​​thanK you aIMee
This song, along with a few others in the latter half of the anthology, discusses the loss of innocence she felt in key moments of her life. This one quite obviously alludes to Kim Kardashian, and their infamous feud. I will make a separate post on this, but I think people describing this song as petty may not remember the depth of the hate aimed at Taylor in 2016. Kim and Kanye organized a revenge porn music video for Famous, and held a museum exhibit so that people could take pictures with the naked dolls. The night the snapchat videos were released, every Kardashian family member descended upon social media to gleefully celebrate the #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty. The amount of hate Taylor got was so unprecedented that Instagram actually built their comment filtration system because of this incident. It really was that bad.
And every baby step Taylor took (for example, even just posting that she had a good 2017 was met with immediate media backlash) was quite literally mocked across the internet. People thought the reputation era was cringey, that she was over, and that she deserved everyone’s ire because she was “proven” to be a liar. She describes this in the song:
Each time that Aimee stomped across my grave
And then she wrote headlines in the local paper
Laughing at each baby step I'd take
And it was always the same searing pain
But the whole time, despite the pain and blood, she was dreaming of the day that she would heal, and dreaming of the day that she would climb her way back to to the mountaintop:
And our town, it looks so small from way up here
//
So I pushed each boulder up that hill
Your words were still just ringing in my head, ringing in my head
What still irks her though, is that this bully who created this entire hate train and organized her downfall will pretend as if it never happened – she will undoubtedly reframe things to make our subject seem overdramatic, petty, and unable to move past the incidents of years ago. Taylor, however, has always been clear about one thing: sometimes, no amount of time can heal you from something that deeply traumatized you.
I Look in People’s Windows
This song to me feels like a sister song to The Black Dog, but a few months after the official end of a relationship. A sub theme that runs through Taylor’s songs about the Joe breakup is the loss of being understood – when you are no longer with a long-term partner, how do you cope with the fact that you move the world knowing everything about this person, but at the same time, not knowing them anymore? Would you peek into their windows just to get a glimpse of what their life looks like now? As anyone who has gone through a breakup knows, the hardest part is often not being privy to the mundane details of that person’s world – their dinner parties, their wine, their friends, and so on.
I look in people's windows
Transfixed by rose golden glows
They have their friends over to drink nice wine
I look in people's windows
In case you're at their table
What if your eyes looked up and met mine
One more time
The Prophecy
The prophecy is devastating. More so than any other song Taylor has ever written, it is full of desperation and longing. All she asks for is to be known, to be understood – to not be perceived as an idea of a woman, or a starlet with no humanity:
Please
I've been on my knees
Change the prophecy
Don't want money
Just someone who wants my company
Let it once be me
Who do I have to speak to
About if they can redo
The prophecy?
It’s striking especially considering how much she laments that leaving Joe means she’s giving up being known – it’s also striking given the fact that in the epilogue poem, she states that neither Joe or Matty ever truly knew her:
He never even scratched the surface
of me.
None of them did.
What she desires beyond fame, beyond notoriety, beyond money, is to be loved and to be known. The song also alludes to her being in therapy, and to finding some sort of consolation that she will find someone to share her life with:
I'm so afraid I sealed my fate
No sign of soulmates
I'm just a paperweight
In shades of greige
Spending my last coin so someone will tell me
It'll be ok
Cassandra
This track is a sister song to ​​thanK you aIMee, and continues exploring the theme of fraught public womanhood we see in Clara Bow and Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me. In this song, Taylor discusses how the validation of women is never publicized in the way that the crucifixion of them is:
When the first stone's thrown, there's screaming
In the streets, there's a raging riot
When it's "Burn the bitch, " they're shrieking
When the truth comes out, it's quiet
Moreover, when women speak up about an issue, they’re often viewed as overdramatic, and unserious. Cassandra, in Greek mythology, was cursed by Apollo to always predict the future accurately, but never be believed. We see this happen every day to women in politics, in the media, and in pop culture:
So, they killed Cassandra first 'cause she feared the worst
And tried to tell the town
So, they set my life in flames, I regret to say
Do you believe me now?
And for Taylor, it’s reminiscent of all the times she’s been the first to speak out about something in the industry – for example, against Scooter Braun and his well-established pattern of bullying, or of the exploitation of artists on streaming services – but never been supported broadly by her peers. They believe her later, but at that point, very few people give her the credit for speaking up in the first place. It’s reminiscent of the Kimye scandal. When the news broke originally, the hatred she received was widespread. But when she was acquitted by the long-form video that leaked, it didn’t receive anywhere near the level of coverage that the original scandal received.
Peter
Peter is another song that touches on both the male muses for this album, and in turn, on the promises various men have given her over her life (we’ll circle back to this in The Manuscript!). It also touches on the theme of waiting that’s seen throughout this album, especially on her songs about Joe – how much time is enough time to give?
Both Matty and Joe were 25 when they met her, and it’s abundantly clear that both men made promises to her: promises of marriage, of children, and of a future. But how long can she wait for these promises to be fulfilled? To Joe, she gives six years of her life and youth, and to Matty, she gives him a chance to prove that he was reformed from the time she knew him last: both men eventually fail. Neither man is ready to give up their childish whims, and she has no choice but to lose hope that either of them ever will.
And you said you'd come and get me but you were 25
And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired
Lost to the lost boys chapter of your life
Forgive me Peter, please know that I tried
To hold onto the days when you were mine
But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light
Another thing to note is the interesting double meaning of the song title. To peter also means to diminish gradually – much like her faith in both men’s promises.
The Bolter
A lot of the songs Taylor has written about Joe in this album deal with the question of “when is the right time to leave?” When you know that things are stagnant, and you know that you’ve given everything you have to a relationship, you know that you have to leave – but it’s easy to convince yourself if you have a history of “leaving before you get left” that you should ride out this wave, and that this pain might just be temporary.
The Bolter, to me, reflects on Taylor’s history – it seems like she prided herself on being able to see the warning signs, and being able to get out in time.
She's been many places with
Men of many faces
First, they're off to the races
And she's laughing drawin' aces
But, none of it is changin'
That the chariot is waitin'
Hearts are hers for the breakin'
There's an escape in escaping
It’s relevant to TTPD, because likely, she saw not bolting as a sign of growth and maturity. You know that you’ve grown as a person when you don’t abandon ship at the first sign of trouble, but what if there are so many signs of trouble that the truly mature thing to do would be to leave?
Robin
Robin leads into this theme of childhood and innocence that we see further in The Manuscript. The track name is also the name of Aaron Dessner’s child. She ponders how beautiful and sweet it is that we work so hard to protect childhood naivete:
Strings tied to levers,
slowed down clocks tethered,
all this showmanship
To keep it, for you,
In sweetness
And there’s an element of wistfulness to it – don’t we sometimes wish that we could also be protected from the worst the world has to offer?
You have no room in your dreams for regrets
You have no idea
The time will arrive for the cruel and the mean
You'll learn to bounce back just like your trampoline
But now we'll curtail your curiosity
The Manuscript
This song is perhaps the most climactic song on the album. It covers her romantic history up until that point, and starts at the moment she feels everything went awry – and it predates Joe and Matty. Instead, it calls back to the first time she experienced a proper heartbreak, and the first time she lost her childlike innocence in the world – her relationship with Jake Gyllenhaal (a time she described as her transition from childhood to womanhood). She describes how they compared licenses, and how he told her that if they had sex, and it was as good as the conversation was, then they would get married, and have a family. He was the first man to make her these promises:
He said that if the sex was half as good as the conversation was
Soon they'd be pushin' strollers
But soon it was over
He tells her that it’s ok that they have an age gap, because she’s so advanced for her age:
She thought about how he said since she was so wise beyond her years
Everything had been above board
She wasn't sure
While dating him, she desperately wants to be older, and starts emulating his behavior:
In the age of him, she wished she was thirty
And made coffee every morning in a French press
And when it’s over, she regresses, and turns back into a child – unable to sleep alone without the comfort of her mother, and unable to eat anything substantial besides the sugary cereal of her youth:
Afterwards she only ate kids' cereal
And couldn't sleep unless it was in her mother's bed
She forces herself to date boys her own age, to not rely on the maturity of an older man to guide her through adulthood, but she can’t help but feel disappointed in their youth:
Then she dated boys who were her own age
With dart boards on the backs of their doors
Finally, as she creates the All Too Well short film, she recognizes the damage he did to her, and how the consequences of that affair have shaped her life since:
And the years passed
Like scenes of a show
The Professor said to write what you know
Lookin' backwards
Might be the only way to move forward
Then the actors
Were hitting their marks
And the slow dance
Was alight with the sparks
And the tears fell
In synchronicity with the score
And at last
She knew what the agony had been for
Everything calls back to this first man, and these original promises – everything she’s been chasing since is reminiscent of this first scar. And just like how releasing All Too Well transformed and healed her, she hopes that by releasing this additional manuscript into the world, it will heal her again. As she describes in the epilogue poem, she is entering all her thoughts, emotions, and pain into evidence – she now asks the audience to process it with her, and thus conclude this process of healing.
The only thing that's left is the manuscript
One last souvenir from my trip to your shores
Now and then I reread the manuscript
But the story isn't mine anymore
If you read all of this - thank you! I enjoyed writing it, and I'm excited to discuss with you all in the replies :)

*Sorry if this ended up really long and confusing, I'd be happy to clear things up if anyone needs it, my thoughts are just vary scattered right now.
A few days ago my (19F) partner (19NB) brought up something's that's been bothering them for 3 months (we've been together for over a year, doing long distance, we see each other once every month or so) and said that they wanted me to stop initiating physical affection. In February, there was a misunderstanding between us (tldr; I put my hand underneath their shirt and when they told me to stop, I didn't, and there was a misunderstanding of tone because sometimes they've said things in a joking way and I thought this was one of those times, and I stopped once I realised they were serious). In their own words they know it wasn't assault, just so I can clear that part up.
It's something they said that freaked them out and made them feel gross and I know it's my fault, I'm not shifting the blame here, it was a misunderstanding but it was still my fault. They put the boundary of me not initiating physical affection as a result of that because they said it made them feel gross. I never told them to compromise on this boundary, I told them I would respect this immediately. The conversation turned into an argument later because of how I reacted and how I shifted the focus onto me and I was terrified that they had been seeing me as a creep for 3 months (which they said later that wasn't the case ).
They said it's not a case of there being no physical touch in the relationship, they just want to be the one initiating instead of me because they don't want to be touched by anyone right now. And I know this isn't something I should be too bothered by because they did reassure me that part of it has to do with their personal issues and because the relationship wouldn't be completely devoid of physical touch. But affection is something I crave, it's a need that needs to be met in my relationship with whoever I'm with.
Also part of the reason why I initiate physical affection so much is because they hardly do it. We hardly have sex either but that's another topic. Not having sex isn't a dealbreaker for me but they've told me previously to initiate when I want to do it and it just really confuses me when I'm not allowed to touch them. I do want to have sex sometimes, I don't know, in a way it makes me feel loved when we have sex, but if they don't want to do it then I obviously stop.
I've apologised multiple times about what I did and how I reacted to them setting that boundary and they said that they understand that I'm a very physically affectionate person and if I need that I need that but they aren't that type of person. Neither of us want to break up but I don't know if I'm going to be happy in a relationship like this in the long-run and I don't know what to do.
They said that they don't know if they're going to like the boundary that they set when we meet each other either and I know the logical thing would be for me to wait and see for when they visit me but I'm terrified of seeing them. In the sense in a situation where out of habit I give them a peck or a hug, it would seem like I'm not respecting their boundaries and I'm scared it's going to lead to another argument. I don't even know how to act when I see them, it'll be like seeing a friend that I need to stay a foot away from, rather than a partner from my perspective.
We're taking space from each other right now and I think this is good for us to gather our thoughts but I need physical affection to feel loved, we're doing long distance so that was difficult to begin with, and now when I see them next month I don't even know how that's going to go. I love them so much and I really don't want this relationship to go down the drain.
How do I feel loved and secure when our love languages seem to contradict one another's? And how can both of our needs be met in this situation?
Tldr; my partner wants me to stop initiating physical affection because of a misunderstanding from 3 months ago but I don't know how both our needs can be met in our relationship and neither of us want to break up.

my mom (55) is hard to deal with, when she’s in a good mood she’s nice and nurturing. But it doesn’t take much for her to get so angry and throw tantrums blowing situations out of proportion. to the point where she is screaming and insulting us if we give her a little bit of pushback when she is complaining about something.

She’s a huge clean freak and gets so angry when things aren’t clean to her standards. she will have a condescending tone when someone doesn’t agree with her, and she forces her viewpoints on other people.
she is literally the biggest hypocrite I’ve ever seen. she will say that we talk to her bad when literally all we are doing is defending ourselves from her talking shit. or if we call her out on things that are true like how she is a gambling addict and loses most of her money gambling. she’ll turn herself into the victim that we just attack her. when she gets mad or upset, she won't hesitate to ignore us and make it obvious, but she gets super mad and offended if we ignore her and a lot of those times were not even ignoring her, but she accuses. but she will do it when she's mad.
From doing research it seems like she could have intermittent explosive disorder (IED). The initial description seems to fit, and she gets so angry to the point that it’s not normal. she’ll get into a bad mood over little things.
Just for example, she used to work for a long time mom-fri 3 pm to 12 am and so I didn’t see her much because of school until the weekend. And she would get up late most days like at 12. she’ll just lay in bed.
And my dad would make us breakfast on the weekend and it happened so many times where my Mon would wake up at 11 or so and come out and see that we’re eating and the house isn’t cleaned yet and she’d get so angry and talk a bunch of shit to us and if we say anything back to defend ourselves she’d get even more mad before going to her room pissed and locking herself in the room for the rest of the day.
When we don’t agree with her on something her tone will get more condescending or aggressive and gets offended for not agreeing with her, if you don’t agree with her, she takes it like your against her.
She will be bashing and insulting us and then if we say something back to her defending ourselves or if we call her out on something that she does wrong, she gets angrier or she will play the victim card and starts crying that we mistreat her and don’t love her or blah blah. when we don’t even say anything rude to her. She will literally talk shit calling us pigs, worthless, dogs, idiots, and other insults and we don’t say anything like that. Most of the push back we give her is telling her that she’s valid in the topic that she’s complaining about, but she doesn’t have to get so angry about it. and she thinks that the amount that she gets angry is completely justified but she gets so offended if we tell her the current situation doesn't call for her to get so mad if someone else gets mad for some reason. So in her mind she is allowed to get super angry over little shit but we’re not allowed to be upset over shit. If she is mad about something we will try to move in a way so that we don’t get her more angry, if she sees one of us in a bad mood. She gets offended.
it’s really mentally draining constantly arguing over pointless stuff. having to pretty much convince her or whatever that we do love her bc when she feels like she’s not getting enough attention she’ll say no one loves her and we don’t love her but if we didn’t, we would’ve been gone a long time ago. we have had so much patience dealing with her tantrums and rude tones and she acts like she’s the one that has to tolerate us. she’ll say shit like she’s gonna move out and she’d be way happier without us, and she’ll say so many things and we just have to take it and forget it but if we say something to her, she’ll hold on to it for months or years. Like when I called her crazy once she brought it up multiple times in other arguments that that hurt her. but even the worst thing we’ve said is minor compared to what she says on a regular basis. If I called her a bitch or some type of insult she would get so hurt and cry and this and that but she has done it many times and we just move on bc we don’t want to escalate. But when we say something to her she’ll hold on to it for days.
Another small example. Over the course of a day or 2 she will talk to us with a rude or condescending tone, and we just try to deescalate and let it go but if we get frustrated and talk to her with a more aggressive tone like matching hers. She instantly goes “don’t talk to me like that” and gets so offended.
Some of these shitty traits could just be lack of awareness and not knowing how to conflict management. But the way she gets angry is 100% not normal and we are all suffering because of it and will continue to do so until that gets addressed. but she doesn’t think that is what is causing problems. But I’m serious when I say that 90% of arguments wouldn’t happen if she didn’t have this anger problem. but she’s delusional to the point where we have to conform to what she wants, or she will get mad. We are basically slaves to her temper. do what I say and how I want it and I won’t get mad. And that’s not fair.
I really think she needs a psychiatrist, we are all suffering because of her anger, and nothing will change until that gets addressed, or until we leave. But she gets crazy to the point where I really believe that if we left her, she’d do something stupid because we are abandoning her. But I’m tired of these fights. And I’m not sure how to get her help. when she doesn’t think she needs help. But she really does and she will end up losing everyone. And I want to try everything I can before we get to that point.
TL:DR
My mom has terrible anger issues blowing situations way out of proportion getting crazy to a point that is 100% not of a normal person. she needs some sort of psychiatrist or psychotherapy or medication that will keep her anger more under control. But she refuses to accept that that is the cause of the fights. How do I get her mental help when she doesn’t think she needs it?

Hey! Ik a lot of the incoming first year engineering students have accepted their offers recently (congrats!) and I thought this may be of use for you guys and some of these can go for any first year student honestly. I learned so so much during my first year and would love to share if it even benefits one person!
- every percent helps! A lot of your mark will be based off the midterm and final, but most classes have room to gain marks in quizzes and homework. Although each one may be worth small (for ex. in pcs each hw is work 0.5%), don't get in the habit of slacking off and overlooking those. Those percents add up and can help you pass your course esp if you do poorly on major assessments. it can be very easy to skip or forget them in the midst of midterm season, but you future self will thank you when your calculating your grade at the end of the semester. Plus its a great way to stay sharp and caught up!
- join clubs. everyone says this but its for a reason!!!! It is an excellent way to meet upper years and learn from them, as well as gain skills and opportunities that set you apart from peers. You can also add it to your LinkedIn and climb up the exec ladder if you stick to the same clubs over the years. This is the best thing I could've done my first year. Although it can be challenging managing them along your classes, even joining one or two positions can help make yourself well rounded. Some examples are MUES positions, FYEO fyc, IEEE, WiE, BMES, MECU, ECEstorms, CECU and literally SM more.
- design teams. on the topic of clubs, design teams esp are something I wish I joined but hope to in my second year. Design teams are amazing because they allow you to contribute to physical projects and use the concepts you are taught in your classes! They're also great because you can add these projects to your resume and linkendin.
- find good friends/study group. It can be overwhelming and scary in the beginning to make friends, and it does take time to build those relationships. However I highly recommend you put yourself out there and out your comfort zone even if it is just talking to someone while waiting outside of a lecture. I cannot stress enough how beneficial a supportive friend/group can be for your entire degree! You guys can hang out between classes, lock in and study together, they can be there to help you/teach the things you don't understand, hold you accountable when you slack off, hype you up and push you to seek new oppurtunites, and make sm memories. don't be scared about meeting new people, it is a lot easier than you think esp bc everyone is on the same boat in first year and looking for friends! Joining clubs as I mentioned is a great way, as well as talking to the people in your tutorials/labs and inviting them to get a bite or drink with you!
- hold your self accountable. You know yourself best and you know when you are slacking off, when you are doing something you shouldn't be, when you can be doing better than you are, etc. University is not like hs where you have a teacher or figure to hold you accountable, you need to do that for yourself. Eng is not easy, you need to know when it's time to study or put in effort because spoiler alert, you need both to succeed. you cannot expect to pass or have good grades if you are only going to lectures and not reviewing, doing your hw, or studying. and holding yourself accountable throughout the sem can make studying for finals and midterms easier for you.
- be careful using chatgpt, bc you will become dependent on it. Ai is definitely a helpful tool than can be used to answer specific questions and spark new ideas, however use it cautiously. Pushing and using your brain is so good for you, however access to gpt and ai can make it seem like an easy fix. It is, but all I am saying is don't use it for everything, don't use it when you have the answers in your notes or textbook, don't use it if you have time to work it out/think on it. you do not want to become one of those brain rot individuals that cannot think and speak for themself thats all.
- save your money. I wish I'd hear this before but it is incredibly easy to blow off money in your first year esp at tmu. There are food and shopping places in every corner, so if you have the money/savings it's easy to get in the habit of buying food or a sweet treat every day. Many of us aren't working during school either. Just remember that each course you take cost money, if you need to take it again or online it cost money, your homework textbooks and lab equipment often costs money, and if you are on osap you will need money to pay it back! just be careful 🥲
- chang policy. I had to learn this one the hard way too. If you would like to take a course virtually through chang the refund policy is NOT the same as in person courses. If you change your mind about the course and want a full policy, you need to drop the course 5 BUSINESS DAYS before it begins if you want a full refund. I dropped a course 4 business days before and had to pay 50% for a course I did not take.
- time management because the workload is intense. engineering is not easy but time management can make your degree manageable and not feel impossible. it may be hard to find the routine and flow that works for you, but if I can give any advice while you do it is to make use of the time you have when you have it. Use resources like a planner, google cal, to-do lists, reminders etc to stay on top and make time for everything. being able to manage your time can save you a lot of panic and stress in midterm and final season. although the workload can get overwhelming, break your tasks down and take it day by day, but make sure you get done what you need too.
- start group projects early, especially CEN100. you will encounter many group projects during your first year, and most of the important ones happen near the end of the semester. I highly suggest you urge you and your group to get started or at least plan/break down tasks early, ideally from the get go when it is assigned. trying to coordinate with group members who are all busy with the end of the semester can be difficult and makes room for conflict to arise. not to mention starting early gives you time to seek help and critique from your TA. if you need to be that person, hold the group accountable and make sure you guys do not leave it for last min.
- don't compare yourself. everyone comes from different educational and social backgrounds. for some it may come as a shock to be surrounded by people who are as smart as you if not probably smarter. it is so easy to compare yourself and your success to others and it can easily become discouraging. just know that although you will meet people doing great while you may be near flunking, everyone is still struggling and finding it difficult. they may have different learning styles from you that makes it easier for them to learn new material, or they may have come from a school/background where they have already learned it. that doesn't mean you can't get to that level tho, for some it just takes some extra effort and that is okay.
- connect with your TA's and profs and build a relationship with them. You won't always come across a friendly or dedicated instructor, but if you feel you you have give them the chance to get to know and remember you, go to office hours and your tutorials even if they are optional. chances are they may be willing to give you advice or insight on what is on the midterm/final, or they could be the reason your mark has been boosted enough for you to pass. this is not always the case, but it often is.
- it will be a learning curve and takes time to adjust. as much as people can advise and warn you, you won't know what you are getting yourself into until you are actually in it. university for most people is a whole different ball park, let alone an engineering degree. you likely may not find your circle, your flow and your space right away and that is okay, it is part of the process that sets you up to be the best engineer you can be one day. some may be able to adjust quicker than others but just be patient with yourself, if you need to break up for your year into the spring/summer sem so be it. they say the first year of eng is the hardest bc it is such a large jump from high school, but remember it isn't impossible, so many people have done it and so can you. be kind with yourself, and use the many many resources that are available for your success.
- stay caught up in your classes to avoid burnout during midterm and exam season. one of my biggest regrets is missing so much class after midterms and having to cram for finals. Up until my midterms for both semesters I was caught up and following along in everything which made studying less time consuming bc I was already familiar with most the material, it was just filling in the gaps and practicing. Finals nearly took me out bc of the amount of cramming I had to do before I could even get to studying. not to mention seeing the material multiple times will make it stick better by logic. falling behind is common, but don't let it get too far because it truly is very hard to come back from. try to study as you go through the semester, and review/practice the lessons regularly. do not let the material leave your brain as soon as you learn it.
- it is okay to fail. many of us come from being high achievers in high school and getting above average grades. but you will come to learn that grades in the 45-60 range is normal. it is not the end of the world if you fail a course, especially in your first year. you are not dumb, you are not a failure, you are not letting anyone down. failing a course or two is normal and fairly common at least once during this degree. as a first year there is a lot of leeway and room for success, so you can just take it the next sem or the spring.
- make time for your family. this mostly goes for the commuters, but it can be difficult to make time for them especially when the semester ramps up. you may find yourself locked up in your room or coming home late from a library study sesh. but for many people they are your support system and even taking an hour away from your work to spend time with them and be a breath of fresh air and much needed to feel connected to them.
- go to student events! there are genuinely SO MANY that run throughout the year especially for us. I highly recommend to you to as many conferences as you can, GVIC, the WiE if you are female, the one from FYEO and more from MUES. these are great to make industry connections, learn things you don't learn in class, you can make friends, network, and grow yourself professionally. there are other more fun and chill student events that run too that can be great to destress during the sem and wind down with your friends.
- learn to make use of your time if your commute. Many of us who take the go have quite long commutes that can make it feel like a chunk of our day is gone. Something to help with that is just learning to manage the travel time and get something done. This can be being productive and study, taking a power nap, winding down/screen time before locking in at home, have lunch/dinner, making phone calls, etc. Plan your day out and what you are going to do during that commute time, it can truly help structure your day sm better.
- split your chegg. if you really need to buy it (its great for CHY homework and PCS) find some reliable and not snitchy friends and split it so its cheaper. although again, be careful using such tool incase you become dependent on it. it is a tool not solution, use it to learn how to do questions you don't have examples on, but still make sure you do most the hw for practice etc.
- don't get in the habit of skipping class. everyone says this yet we all do it. but I feel like I still need to include this since I have tasted my own medicine from skipping so much. its fine to skip here and there but don'ttttt make it a habit bc it is near impossible to break. its starts with one class, and then you skip the next one bc you didn't catch up and you're gonna be lost either way, and then it snowballs from there. its okay if you aren't caught up from previous missed lectures. just go, even if you just sit there and pay attention without taking notes. you will eventually catch up if you go, but letting it become a habit is just cutting yourself short and holding you back from sm academic success.
- don't overlook the easy classes. they WILL be your mark booster but you still need to put in the effort. for me they were CEN100, CHY102, my liberals, and CPS188. If you care about your gpa make sure you put effort into these classes bc they are very easy to do well in and will boost your gpa.
- its okay to feel imposter syndrome. I went through this a lot and felt like eng was not for me at many times because I would get in the habit of comparing myself. I don't think I felt like I belonged or felt like I was where I was supposed to be until the winter sem. as I mentioned it can take time to find your space but you will eventually. try to remember why you went into eng in the first place, and if it was just money joining clubs/going to eng events can help you find passion or belonging in it again. at the end of the day just trust your gut. if you truly truly feel like you can't see yourself working as an engineer maybe you could reconsider. but if you can but you are just struggling, I promise the imposter syndrome is normal but it will go away.
- NO all nighters. this is coming from someone who has pulled one too many this year and regrets it every single time. I feel like we all know this by now but just prioritize your sleep guys, this again comes down to time management but get enough sleep helps you SO MUCH to learn and digest all the material. you may be able to stay awake physically but you brain needs the rest. and ESPECIALLY DONT PULL ALL NIGHTERS BEFORE EXAMS. So many times this sem have I experience the worst brain fog of my life from doing this, you start to forget the most basic of things and concepts you may have perfected. it can be so easy to overlook our sleep but it truly is so important. don't sacrifice it, if you need to take the L bc you didn't study enough just take it, bc honestly studying more ahead would've saved you if you feel like you need to miss your sleep to cram.
- don't buy a single textbook. the only time you should is PCS and CHY bc it comes with the homework which you need to buy. other than that don't you can find it all online for free either on Anna's archive, the eng gcs or upper years.
- be prepared for midterms. tbh nothing could've prepared me, it is intense. esp if you are taking the full course load. the learning does not stop when midterms roll around, you will still have fast paced lectures, still have hw, still have regular quizzes and projects on top of studying for midterms. It can honestly feel suffocating in the midst of it and extremely overwhelming, but again this is where time management comes to play, use planning resources, and set yourself up for success from the very beginning of the sem. the biggest mistake people make is skipping lectures during midterms, because let me tell you, you will not make the time to catch up during midterm season, and even when it is over you are likely quite far behind or near finals. try your self to ensure you keep going to your classes during it. ALSO, make sure you study well for your midterms, for many people they do better on the midterm than the final so allocating those grades from the midterm is a great idea.
- check your emails! there are so many opportunities and resources that get sent to your inbox. this includes free tutoring, study halls, event details, on campus paid opportunities, club hirings etc.
- take care of yourself. like sm other things it can be so easy to overlook your basic needs and let yourself go. whether that be skipping meals or eating fast food alllllll the time, not sleeping, not showering and doing laundry, not giving yourself free time, etc, you need to look after yourself because no one else will. and the only way you can do well is ensuring you yourself are well. feed yourself healthy and balanced meals, get enough sleep, PLEASE SHOWER AND USE DEODORANT (the stereotype is in fact true), and take yourself outside on walks and with your loved ones. don't lose yourself along the way, it is all about balance.
- do not drop linear algebra in the fall. just listen to me on this one. even if you absolutely BOMB the midterm, don't get scared by it and decide to drop it. this happens essentially every year, and they usually, every year, make the final much easier and straight forward than the midterm is so it IS possible to pass. at the end of the day all you need is a 50 and it is very doable if you have the quiz/hw grades secured (free marks for most people) and study well for the final. try to get profs like majed and wang bc if you are near passing they may boost you enough too. and even if you did fail, so be it that is fine, you can take it in the winter but atleast you gave it youre all and said you tried but chances are you will pass. I say this bc the winter sections for linear algebra ive heard are much harder than the fall, although I think they curve at the end, it is a lottttt more theoretical and confusing so I recommend you push yourself for the fall and see where that takes you.
Anddddd I think that's all! I know that was a lot and maybe overwhelming but I hope it was insightful. if you have any questions or worries feel free to comment or pm.

Hi. I (35 F) have been with my partner (32 F) for 5 years, engaged for 3. I feel dizzy about whado in regards to this relationship, and need some help finding clarity and perspective. Any help is appreciated.
My partner is very generous, loving, and devoted but had an awful past that continues to impact me and our relationship. For context, they were abused by family growing up (Irish catholic family) as they were a lesbian, and moved away as a teenager to escape the abuse. She was unable to get her high school education as she had to work multiple jobs just to get by, eventually getting her GED and going into the trades. She was groomed by an older woman when she was a young adult and married, and this was a sexually/physically/mentally abusive union. After the divorce, she had further abusive and unstable relationships. Due to this, I have been lenient and understanding of her outbursts and insecurities, but kinda feel like a doormat now. Was I a fool to have empathy for her?
Early on in dating, things were rocky. The first "I love you" was forced - we'd been together a month, and were on a small trip together and she got drunk (I don't drink alcohol at all) and kept asking me to say I loved her, and if I didn't she was going to get another place to stay that nights and leave in the morning. I kept trying to say that I wanted to say it when I was ready and to go to sleep (i had an event the next morning to attend), and it continued until I was so upset that I finally just said it to make it stop. It hurts me that my first i love you to her was forced.
She then moved in with an ex, saying she couldn't afford rent on her own after her roommate suddenly moved out. An ex that had cheated multiple times with men (this becomes relevant later), and used heavy illicit drugs. I told her I thought that was a bad idea, due to the previous volatile nature she described of this relationship and us now being together and I wasn't comfortable with it. She did it anyway - and had a horrible time. This ex also followed me and us and tool photos/videos, which made me uncomfortable. This ex has since moved away.
I have a different experience than my partner - I have two degrees and many other educational certs. I have backpacked around the world solo. I've lived alone for years. I was independent. I may good money. When we met their was a huge obvious different in income, education, and lived experience. I brushed that aside and I wanted to believe it didn't matter, that love can overcome differences if you care for and respect each other. However, my partner has made many comments to me about thinking I'm better than them, smarter than them, or don't see them as equal. This really hurts, as this happens when we've disagree about a topic and I am open to discussing my perspective and knowledge (or desire to learn more), and my intention is to simple have a conversation together.
There has also been a huge issue with communicating during conflict. I know I am far from perfect - I prefer to keep things civil and step away if things get heated or unkind. This doesn't work for her. She's followed me around our home when I said I need some space. She's tossed the Bedsheets off of me when I've asked to sleep it off and discuss tomorrow. She's threatened to cancel trips we have planned, or to drive out of the city to stay elsewhere, or asks me to end things if I won't talk to her. It's really worsened my anxiety and has been very distressing. I set up couples therapy and the few times we've gone my partner has said she hates it and feels like she gets blamed for everything and is the bad guy. I've asked her to speak about her emotions and thoughts going into a counseling session, and she will tell me that she doesn't know what to say. She's also been saying that therapy isn't making a difference and hates going. I've given up and stopped scheduling it or asking her when we schedule our next one. She's does see her own therapist regularly without issue.
The most recent thing that happened, which has really caused me to question things, was when I said something to her about leaving some meas in the bathroom but tried to make it more humorous to keep it light. She was very offended and defensive, and accused me of intentionally trying to make her feel stupid. I apologized, but things escalated and she was shouting at me. I told her that we should take space before anything further is said and revisit the next day, and she refused. She followed me from room to room. The bathroom. The spare room. She threatened to leave for a few days, then asked if I'd like that, and since it was at night if I would be happy if she got into a car accident going somewhere else. I stated obviously not, I'm not going to tell her to leave, and that I wanted the shouting to stop and to take a breather from the argument. She then said "you treat me like I'm a man, why don't you go be with a man then" and "I hate you". It just crushed me. It still crushed me. I can't get it out of my head. I don't want to be angry and resentful about what she said, but I'm so hurt and feel so stupid.
I've begun writing down these incidences, as she made me question my version of events so many times and I began to feel like a real monster. Even if my heart didn't feel that way.
I went to therapy on my own to work through my own shortcomings and imperfections in hopes I can be a better partner. I feel like I've learned a lot and have had lots of growth, until there is any conflict and she escalates and nothing I can do can stop it. I've asked her to work on her anger, that its understandable considering her past, and things get better for a while. She's had growth as well through the years, and has made strides.
When things are good, i feel so loved and cherished and special. Until it's not.
She wants us to buy a place together next month and get married next year, but I'm just not sure.
Does anyone have any clarity or suggestions on what next steps I should consider?
Tdr; couple not communicating well during conflict, how to move forward in the relationship

I have been a member of the Origins Discord for a long time now and got banned today for imo a pretty bad reason. Basically I was in an argument with some dude about pronouns because he was being a little rude to a friend about the topic. Ofc I backed him up and guess what happens, I get banned. Now I probably shouldn’t have gotten into an argument but come on, that’s kinda of dumb that one person gets banned but the other person who started the argument doesn’t. I have been posting in that discord for a long time and don’t find it very fair for me to get banned without warning, I am again sorry and I am here to make an appeal. My user is “itz_demi” and would at least like to get reasoning on why I was banned at least, because this is just rather outrageous.

Hi, I need to vent a little. I’m a 20F and I have recently gotten out of a relationship with a 22M, and since I’m involving myself with someone new, I’ve been rethinking some things so I don’t make the same mistakes again.
My ex was not only my first boyfriend, but also the first man I kissed and had a deep connection with. I met him when I was 19, he lives nearby. Since we’re neighbors, my family and almost everyone in the neighborhood knew him and his family. When we started dating, our relationship was perfect, It seemed like we had everything in common and we would agree on almost every aspect of life.
I don’t know exactly when this problem started, but since the first time we tried sex I couldn’t open myself to him, I was embarrassed and scared, I couldn’t trust him. So I kept convincing him and myself that I didn’t like to be touched, and it would only be me touching him in this kind of situation. I felt that things were always rushed with him, that he wouldn’t take the time making me feel comfortable and loved before touching my private areas… I would tell him to take it slow and he tried sometimes, but It always felt artificial, like It was an obligation for him, not something he enjoyed :( So I just gave up trying, and one year went by smoothly, as we made plans of studying together abroad, of trying to make an income to get out of our parents houses and all the stuff young adults tend to dream of.
We agreed in lots of things (not all things, as I will explain later on) , as in personal values, principles, and political views. I noticed it from the first time we met that he was very interested in politics, philosophy and psychology, he would talk hours about those and even If I didn’t understand much of what he talked about, like some specific things about psychoanalysis, I would force myself to learn about it. It was really hard for me to try to learn about things I wasn’t interested, and It kind of affected my self-esteem, I started thinking I was dumb (I’m am engineering student, humanities is not really my thing lol). It would mostly be him leading the conversations, and I had a feeling he was strongly convinced of everything he talked about, like he was really proud of his intelligence. In the first, I thought it was nice and charming, but I started noticing some weird patterns…
When he had an ideia or problem, He would always come up with definitive solutions like: folllowing a new political agenda, buying extremely expensive tools, stop talking to all his friends, practicing a new physical activity until he got hurt, etc…, and I could never change his mind in any aspect, he wouldn’t listen, so I had to go along. With all these subtle changes of context, my anxiety sky-rocketed many times and I had multiple identity crises, but I was stupid enough not to notice the cause-effect correlation… neither did him.
During my anxiety episodes, he would try to psychoanalyze me and find the reason behind my suffering, I never liked it and I told him many times, but he said that even if It was unpleasant for me, he needed to make me rationalize instead of just cry. I always told him that I just wanted to be conforted, but he wouldn’t even be close to me physically when I was desperate, he would sit in a chair and try to bring back my family issues… I could feel he had no bad intentions, but It hurt anyway.
The third issue were some of his extremist views… In the beginning of our relationship, he was more left-wing leaning, but he would already say some things like “homosexuality and transexuality are a disease of mind”, but that he respected all people equally. I was clear to say that I was against this point of view, I tried to argument multiple times, but as I said before, his opinion was unshaken.
All these issues started building up during last year, so I broke up with him in the end of the year. I told him I couldn’t trust him as he deserved, and that I was really sick with anxiety and low self-esteem, all of these were true, but it wasn’t all. I could’t be honest with him because I didn’t want him to say “I’ll be better”, because I kew he wouldn’t and I didn’t have the strength to keep trying. But it was true that I still loved him. I was broken. I spent the next 3 months going through hell, rotting in my bad, anxious and depressed. I would occasionally meet him at home, so he saw I wasn’t over him. In February, after him repeatedly saying I wasn’t thinking straight when we broke up, I convinced myself of that and we got back together.
When we got back I remembered the sweet past, when we were deeply in love. It was magical for 3 weeks or something, when I found out he had converted to religion when we were apart, and his extremist views became even more dangerous, he became a conspiracist. He tried to push his new views down my throat, telling me my mental state was deteriorating because I’m part of a degenerated and nihilist generation, saying he was once like that to (he also had pretty bad depression when he was a teen). To be honest, this fucking terrified me… My admiration towards him kind of died. So we naturally distanced ourselves for weeks, and finally we had a disgusting and childish argument about religion (online).
In April, what happened was: A guy from my university started to hit on me, and I didn’t realize… My mind was numbed from everything I was going through, so I didn’t even pay attention, for me he was just another friend I made that would help me understand a subject better. The problem is, without me even noticing, he was making my days gradually easier to get through. He helped me study for a hard test, he motivated me. But because it was never just the 2 of us studying, even if the thought crossed my mind once, I didn’t really consider the possibility of him liking me more than a friend.
Back to my ex-boyfriend, I came to a point where it was insufferable for us two. We were just playing pretend, and he agreed the situation was bad, but the person who gave up was me (once again…) and we broke up. We cried, but at the same time, our last talk was… sore. I lied to him, in an attempt to to justify my feelings and so it wouldn’t hurt him so much, I told him the vague justification that I was not confident enough and the we didn’t agree on anything anymore… I told him I didn’t want to have kids (though maybe I do want it), and I wasn’t sure marriage is my life purpose, and that I needed some time for myself, out a relationship… he respected my decision.
One week after, that guy I met sent me a message, and we started gossiping about people from our uni course. It was fun and shy at first, but when we started talking at university, we started getting closer. The boy is a gentleman, he’s calm, careful, sensible. We can have a balanced conversation, cause he listens to me, he is truly interested in my personal tastes and he never forces a topic. I’ve never felt this comfortable in my entire life. It feels like someone pulled me from hell to heaven. Yeah, I know most of it is probably the passion effect.
However, the feeling of guilt can’t seem to leave me… I feel guilty of lying to my ex, of saying rude things, of hurting him twice. And now, I feel guilty I’m falling for someone new… not only do I feel guilt, I’m also afraid. Afraid of everything repeating. Afraid of him not being able to deal with my anxiety, of him only being nice in the beginning… I fear my mind is creating an illusion of a great person. Because, in the end, I am insecure, and I lack confidence.
I kissed this guy yesterday and I felt things I couldn’t describe… It felt magical, comfortable, reassuring… After the date we had, I told him all about my past relationship, I wanted to be honest. I thought he would back off, but on the contrary, he told me about his past relationship too and it was surprisingly similar to mine. He pulled me closer and told me not to worry and that he was glad I trusted him. God… that made me melt.
Well, I don’t expect you to solve this puzzle for me… But I’m open for judgment and advices. What should I do? Should I keep seeing this guy? Should I tell him that we need to do things slowly? Is my mental health well enough to engage in something new? Should I talk to my ex again or would it just make things worse? I fear that if I keep this up my ex will eventually find this out, and he will know I lied to him anyway. I care about his feelings and mental health.
Now it’s time to tell all of this to my therapist, thanks.

I (f19) think I am going to go low contact with my father for a little bit. Now that I am getting older, I'm realizing all the hurt he has put me through is too much for me to handle at times and makes me feel this rage and sadness inside me everytime I try to talk or hangout with him.
I guess I'll just start with the most important things. My dad hasn't gotten me a birthday gift in three years. For my 16th birthday, he fixed me up a car that was totaled by my stepsister. I thanked him over and over and cried a few times. But the thing is my car broke down over a year ago and he's tried to fix it a few time but it breaks again and again. Everytime I bring up selling it or scrapping it, he gets pissed at me and tells me I just want a brand new car and accuses me of thinking that the car he got me is not good enough. That's not it? I named it and took care of it and drove it everywhere but my mom and I are moving soon and need it out of the driveway. I can't afford to lug it around on the off chance my dad can get it fixed. Anyway for my 17th birthday he told me to pick what we do and he would do it. I asked him if we could go to Dave and busters together because I love arcades and he just never took me? I am a very nonconfrontal person so I never brought it up because he complains about money all the time. My mom took me instead because she saw how upset I was about it. I guess she messaged my dad? I never told her to but I guess she messaged him something like, "I took daughter to Dave and busters since you couldn't be bothered" and next time he saw me he got upset and said I should have reminded him and that he forgets stuff. But I don't want to? I feel like if you want to take me out for my birthday you would do it, I don't want to force someone to spend money on me, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Then for my 18th birthday, he said he would make it up to me and to pick anywhere in the country to go and he would take me. I was super excited and said I wanted to go to Washington D.C. he never took me. Just forgot about it again. Then the next summer comes and my mom and I have to go down and take a college visit where we would have to stay a few days. My mom was going to get a hotel close by so we could check out the surrounding area so I at least know where ill be living in a few months. I guess my dad called my mom and just said he would take me instead and that it would be him making up for my last two birthdays. This really made me angry because mom was just going to get us a hotel just because, but now my college tour was going to be a birthday present? I have never forgotten a birthday, father's day, Christmas or any other event. I have always gotten him something. But when my brothers forget it's the end of the world.
One thing about my dad is that he always thinks about himself first. He said he would Airbnb a log cabin by a lake so we could fish. I don't like cabins and I don't really enjoy fishing but I don't know how to say no. We go and apparently the cabin is 30 minutes away from campus so we won't be able to check out the surrounding areas and the whole time he was complaining that we had to do school stuff instead of fishing. That's the whole reason we came down here? That's quite literally why I am down here? Also apparently he just got lost during the parent only tour and went back to the cabin so yeah I was in a new town and place all by myself. I was just really upset about it All.
Another thing is he hardly ever helped my mom out. Never paid child support and only started to after my stepdad died about 6 years ago. But 100 dollars a week is not a lot to help with 2 pre teens, me and my younger brother. Before college he told me he stopped paying my mom, "my half" of the child support so he can save it and give it to me before college so I have a bit to start off with. At the time he said he saved up about 300 dollars to give me and I still had a few weeks where he would save up money. He also told me that he would give me 50 dollars a week while I was in college to help with groceries and little things. I never got any of it. Never. He got injured and wasn't able to worm but I could have sworn that was a few months before he promised me any sort of money, now he is saying something along the lines of how dare I expect money from him when he is injured. Mom has been injured but she never stopped supporting us? Mom has been through surgery and came back the same night to put food on the table. Mom has cried in her room about being scared she can't afford bills that month but never asked me for any money? Mom doesn't go to church and give the church 25% of her check before she makes sure her kids are doing okay?
He's also angry at me for going to visit my stepmom and stepsisters before him this summer. They got divorced after Christmas and my stepmom made it clear I am still her daughter and told me on numerous occasions that I am always welcome at her house, so I went and visited them. My dad was upset that I still talk to them and that they let me see my neice. Why can't you just be happy for me? Their marriage went downhill after my dad would go to my stepsisters wedding because she was getting married to a woman a few years ago. Since then things have been rocky. Then you expect them to let you see their daughter after telling them they are going to hell? I don't know what I am, straight, bi, or pan and just hearing him complain to my mom that my stepsister and her girlfriend is going to hell just hurt my heart. My mom put a stop to it and yelled at him to get out. My mom isn't the best but she does her best and apparently she always thought I was lesbian and always stuck up for me.
Ever since college I am starting to grow my own voice and speak up for myself. He treats my younger brother and two older brothers horribly and my younger brother refuses to talk to him and quite frankly I do not blame him. He has always been tough with my brothers. They aren't allowed to have emotions. My brother cries, he's a pussy. My brother gets angry, he's a spoiled brat. One time my dad came over to help with his truck and my brother got frustrated, my dad, who is a big man, got all up in his face and said, "hit me motherfucker and see what happens." He was just yelling at my brother to hit him while my brother told him to stop repeatedly. I remember when I was younger he would put his hands on my older brothers and had a full fledged fist fight with one of them. They moved in with my grandma to get away from him. After all for of his kids refuse or has limited contact you would think he would realize he might be the problem.
Also he always uses me as a therapist and I'm getting exhausted, it just drains the life outta me. He talks shit about my step mom no matter how many times my mom and I have told him to stop. He talks shit about my brother and expects me to agree with him? Now he just complains how horrible his job is and how he hates it. He talks about it for 30 minutes before I try to change the topic and he just brings it back to himself. He want me to go visit him and stay at his camper and quite frankly, I don't want to. He complained how he hates the campground he is staying in and I hate camping. Have i said that he left for 2 years traveling the country, hunting bigfoot and didn't see us for the majority of that time? Plus it is always what he wants to do, not what I want to do.
A few days ago we got into a huge argument. I finally told him about how I feel and of course it's my fault and not his fault. He sent me a message that says something along the lines of I never complain about him not loving me enough it that he doesn't give me enough things and that couldn't be further from the truth. I would be over the moon if we spent the day making a cake and watching a movie I wanted but he couldn't even do that. I completely ignored him and plan to continue because I have come to learn there is no talking to him.
Aita?

I dont typically post on here; I heard that I could get some good advice and maybe make sense of the situation I'm in right now; I'm feeling pretty lost; I could use some guidance and support from the community!
So, my boyfriend (M21) and I (F21) were just days away from moving in together. Our relationship has always been incredible, minus the few arguments and bumps that we always got through– he showered me with love and affection, and we were both so excited about taking this next big step, I'll add that he was the one who talked me into living with him, the concept was a little scary at first though he assured me we would be going through it all together and that made me feel very content and hopeful. Everything seemed perfect.
Shortly before I moved in with him, he broke up with him. It felt so sudden and impulsive. Even his family and friends are baffled by his decision and have mentioned that it doesn't seem like him. Just the day before he broke up with me, he was as loving and attentive as ever, telling me he couldn't wait to move in with me and start that life we were dreaming of. There were no signs, no arguments, nothing that could have hinted at this coming, there is a suspicion that he probably had a rough day at work and made a rash decision from pent-up anger or frustration from a stressful day (but that is not certain). We were so close to starting a new chapter together, and now I'm left trying to make sense of it all by myself since I decided to start no-contact with him until I move over there so I can get some peace of mind and hopefully the distance and time will allow him to realize that it's not okay for him to do that to me or treat me that way.
I'm not sure what to do next. I briefly talked to him about the living arrangement, and he seems pretty confident that he still wants me to live with him (we are currently long-distance right now), but we are broken up still, which is slightly offsetting. Maybe he will rekindle the bond with me and initiate an apology when I move to the other city and stay with him, but I'm not guaranteed that because he broke up with me in an instant and the 2-3 years we spent together was gone just like that which did leave me feeling hurt and upset - I don't feel comfortable communicating to him because I feel like I deserve his initiation on this one...
A lot of my friends are telling me that his behavior is not okay, he lashed out at me and then left me and hasn't really been in contact with anyone (he hasn't taken me out of his social media or anything, it's almost as if we are still dating and nothing has changed which is not the case at all.) Recently, he's been calling and texting me and I will have small conversations with him if it's important (about the lease or moving), typically he will start going off topic and I will end the conversation respectfully and swiftly and continue on about my day but it is very odd to me that

1. he broke up with me 2. he has yet to work things out with me or apologize to me 3. he wants to live with me 4. he hasn't taken me off his social media

The mixed signals are driving me insane!!
Has anyone else experienced something similar? Do I give him the benefit of the doubt? Any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading!
TL;DR: My boyfriend broke up with me just days before we were supposed to move in together. It seems impulsive and out of character, and I don't know why. Looking for advice on how to handle the situation properly?

Hello. I’m struggling a bit in this class and I’m getting super worried about my essay that’s worth 40% of my grade. I’m arguing that it IS possible for an all perfect being (God) to exist. The prof wants us to argue against the opposite side, so I was gonna talk about these things:
1) it’s perfection lies within it’s necessary existence (bringing up the cosmological argument and how the ‘fine tuning’ of the universe wasn’t a coincidence)
2) impassability and the 3 arguments for it (God is infinite, God is a pure act, and God is perfectly blissful)
3) plantinga’s maximal excellence (omnipotence, omniscience and moral perfection, bringing up the topic of evil)
I think this is good, but I’m just confused as to what to say for 2 and 3 because I don’t know if it’s part of perfect being theology or the ontological argument. The prof can be quite critical and because it’s an online class I have no idea how picky he is. As people interested in philosophy, is it important to also mention the perfect being theology and ontological argument within 2 and 3? And what is the difference between ontological argument and perfect being theology? I figured making those my arguments was too broad. I’m not sure if this is a question anyone can answer but I’m really stumped on how to even begin

Hello everyone. I’m currently dating a single dad of a 15 year old girl. He and I have been dating for almost a year. I saw his daughter once hanging out with some boy, and she had this nose ring (the one in the middle) and her top was showing her belly button ring. She has a little stone in each nostril and maybe like 3 or 4 on each ear and he’s pretty lenient about those but I know for a fact that she hides these 2 because she doesn’t wear crop tops around him and she turns the one in her nose. I haven’t found a good time to tell my boyfriend about it.
They are going on some like two week long camping trip with all his other dad friends and their teenagers. This trip has been the source of many arguments because he comes back like 2 days before our anniversary. He refuses to cancel because he’s done this with this group since his daughter was like 3 and he says she looks forward to it every year.
I was at his house last night and he was talking about getting his daughter new hiking boots because hers are ratty. I told him he shouldn’t reward her if she didn’t do anything and she butt in that it’s not a reward because she can’t just wear her every day shoes on a two week camping and hiking trip. This caused her and I to bicker back and forth before he told me to stop. I was irritated that he told me to stop and not her so I told him his daughter wasn’t so innocent and told him about the piercings. He looked confused and she looked all sheepish and when he asked if it was true she just turned down her nose ring and showed him her belly button ring. He laughed and said they’ll talk later then sent her to her room, then he started talking to me again. He pointed out that his daughter already feels like I don’t like her (not true) and that crossed a line and he was wondering if she was onto something. I was upset that he was angry at me for being responsible and respectful and telling him a secret his daughter was keeping. This caused a really big argument about his daughter and the camping trip and then he asked me to leave for the night and said he’d text me when he could.
We’re meeting up tomorrow morning and I don’t know what to think.
Edit for extra info: My boyfriend is 40, I’m 43 female, his daughter is 15. I have no kids by choice and he doesn’t want anymore by choice as well. He ends up going to pointless stores at the mall (hello kitty store, American eagle, hot topic, etc) even when they go for something specific like hiking boots and he likes to spoil her which is why I made that comment.