Funny facebook biography examples
Where everyone is a quantum scientist...
2013.10.20 11:26 tilnewstuff Where everyone is a quantum scientist...
For only the very smartest braggarts.
2008.11.17 02:32 FunnyVideos!
A community of people sharing and enjoying funny videos they have found on the internet. Has a video made you snort your coffee out of your nose from laughter recently? Then post it here for others to do the same!
2013.07.20 02:11 paradoxcontrol It's a Unix System... I know this!
For screenshots of overly fake or wrong tech in media!
2024.05.18 21:19 daisybear81 jess plays the victim card quite a bit and it is very frustrating to me
my prime example is in "the box" where she gives nick a check for the money she spent and while nick looks at how cool/funny the check is, she walks away very upset. but like girl you USED HIS MONEY!!! yeah its weird and very not adult of him to not put his money in a bank, but that really the only thing she seems to be upset about?? like SHE went into HIS PERSONAL STUFF and used HIS MONEY to do things he never asked her to do!!!! idk this part irks me so much bc yes nick isn't responsible but she is not in charge of his finances and should not have taken care of it! if anything she could have just mentioned the box and told nick what would happen if he doesnt take car of the things in that box but by no means should she USE HIS MONEY and GO THROUGH HIS BOX to fix it. and she has the audacity to act like the victim?! nah girl, you invaded his private space like craaazy
submitted by daisybear81 to NewGirl [link] [comments]
2024.05.18 21:08 somegirlfromsask Mobile data connection issues
Recently my phones been acting funny and it’s losing mobile data connection. When I’m not on wifi it’s disconnecting Internet calls / I use Facebook for work so people call me through the app. It just doesn’t connect. Or it connects and call fails. I reset my phone. I got a new SIM card, I went to the extent of switching mobile providers and got on a better company that services my area better, I connected the phone to my computer and did a hard reset and restore. I have like exhausted every single thing I can think of. Any ideas?
submitted by somegirlfromsask to applehelp [link] [comments]
2024.05.18 20:54 Yarbles The Official Report of the April RVA Reddit (no we haven't) Bookclub
We met up on a rainy Sunday about a month ago and talked about some books. Our pick this month was Killers of a Certain Age by Deanna Raybourn, because Assaulty wanted to read a story from an elderly perspective. The characters in this one were not really elderly - they were maybe 60 - but that's an advanced age for an international assassin. It seemed like most people liked it, though it's not everyone's preferred genre. It did resolve itself really well. I thought there were maybe too many main characters stuffed into a shorter book. The_OG_Bert liked the cold hearted professionalism the ladies conducted their business, they really leaned on their experience to their advantage. At one point they compared notes about the best vein to open up for a discrete kill.
Asterion7 brought a bunch of books he had read to pass out including The Wolf Den by Elodie Harper Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention—and How to Think Deeply Again by Johann Hari, and Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel. He also had The Weird: A Compendium of Strange and Dark Stories, which someone had brought to a previous meeting. Maybe that guy will get it back some time. He's finishing and really liked Menewood by Nicola Griffith, the second of the Light of the World series. He and Skyverbyver talked visiting Pompeii and going to museums there that really made The Wolf Den that much more interesting.
Assaulty did the same thing - brought a bunch of books in an attempt to declutter a bit. She shared Still Life with Bones by Alexa Hagerty, No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy, The Moor's Account by Laila Lalami, and The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison. These are all exceptionally good books. She spent the most time on Ruth Ozecki's The Book of Form and Emptiness, and it sounded interesting enough for us to add it to our list. She also talked about other Ruth Ozecki books including My Year of Meats.
The Book of Form and Emptiness is about a neurodivergent kid, and Ozecki weaves in pop references and talks about education and mental conditions. But she approaches these conditions not as tragedies, but as new opportunities for perspective. It has themes about hoarding and decluttering, and even has a positive things to say about schizophrenia. She read Hollow Kingdom by Kira Jane Buxton, Richmond's Unhealed History by Benjamin Campbell, and The Hundred Years' War on Palestine by Rashid Khalidi, saying that the Ottoman Empire part was particularly interesting; and recommends In Memorium by Alice Wynn, about a couple of gay friends who bonded over a shared love of poetry going off the fight World War Uno.
Aimee tends not to pick up a lot of Contemporary Fiction, so she was not likely to get much from Killers of a Certain Age. She talked about The Fig Tree by Goran Vojnović with Olivia Hellewell translating, and a few other books like The Power by Naomi Alderman and is reading the Silo compilation by Hugh Howley. Coconut_sorbet read the three books in the Remembrance of Earth's Past series starting with The Three-Body Problem, and said while they are incredibly heavy and hard to wade through, it's totally worth it. Apparently the fourth book is a fan fiction that someone sent the author and he supported it enough for it to be published.
The_OG_Bert read The House is on Fire by Rachel Beanland, which is about a Richmond Theater kinda near where MCV is now that apparently burned down, and has been working through The Lord of the Rings. He's finding the audiobooks to be a really good way to experiencing the story, but found that the library doesn't always provide the narrator that you like, and that can ruin the flow. Skyver read Spark of the Everflame by Penn Cole, a romantasy that leaves you hanging at book 3.
Aurora has mostly been reading award winning books and we talked bout the differences between Hugos and Nebulas. One basic difference is that fans vote for Hugos while professional panels select Nebulas. Besides Killers of a Certain Age, she knocked out The Tower at Stony Wood by Patricia A. McKillip, which she says is YA but really good. Unfortunately the author passed away and Aimee brought this one in last time. She read The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez unique but dense, saying it's possibly a best book she ever read candidate. The themes are more about the oral tradition and how stories are told, and includes first-, second-, and third-person narratives. What Feasts at Night by T. Kingfisher; The Saint of Bright Doors by Vajra Chandrasekera , calling it a great Sri Lankan story but a little hard to explain; Translation State by Ann Leckie; The Water Outlaws by S.L. Huang, which is like a classic Chinese novel but with LGBT characters; The Terraformers by Annalee Newitz, saying the book had great ideas, but she didn't love the execution.
She liked Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh, saying it was the best novel she'd read in a while, so that could be literally out of hundreds of books; and Starter Villain by John Scalzi, who is a lot more popular than I thought. Muffin and Kim both liked this one, saying it was a popcorn read, but hilarious, and none of them wanted to ruin the experience by giving away the plot. There was also Shigidi and the Brass Head of Obalufon by Wole Talabi which sounded like a lot of fun, being a heist story about deities working as independent contractors with the main character being minor nightmare god.
She told us about Palimpsest by Catherynne M. Valente which she read for a book club bingo contest, which both Skyver and Asterion loved. It's very weird, about sexually transmitted passes to parts of a city. The book has a lot of sex in it, but Skyver said it's not sexy or titillating at all, it's mostly a metaphor for addiction. We talked about In the Night Garden and several other Catherine Vallente books, like Comfort me with Apples, Space Opera, and In the Cities of Coin and Spice.
Incorrigible_Muffin read a few books: Recovery Dharma: How to Use Buddhist Practices and Principles to Heal the Suffering of Addiction, which teaches a series of quick, practical techniques; This is How You Lose the Time War by Max Gladstone and Amal El-Mohtar; two John Scalzi books: The Kaiju Preservation Society and Starter Villain; The Other Significant Others by Rhaina Cohen, a series of case studies of deep friendships and platonic soulmates, trying to refocus of what society values to community and friends. She recommended a memoir by Rachel Willis The Risk it Takes to Bloom. The last one talks about becoming a woman, but missing those most important milestones in your life like your body developing through puberty.
She told us about You Dreamed of Empires by Álvaro Enrigue with Natasha Wimmer (Translator), describing it like a Bridge to Tarabithia but with time travel about anti-colonial uprisings; The Other Valley by Scott Alexander Howard, which she said was a mindfuck, but with interesting bureaucracy; and Lilith by Nikki Marmery, calling it lush and sexy and suggested you read it in a natural environment like a garden. I had brought in The Violence by Delilah S. Dawson for Assaulty to borrow, and Muffin said it is an excellent follow-up to Brutalities: A Love Story by Margo Steines. Aimee said it reminded her of The Power by Naomi Alderman. The author of The Violence Dawson got her start by writing Star Wars novels; I thought that was pretty cool.
We talked about Friends Don't Fall in Love by Erin Hahn, which is a sizzly slow burn, but funny; and A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid. But I didn't catch who brought those up.
We talked about the new series Fallout. I thought that someone who hadn't played the game might not be able to get into the series, but Coconut hadn't played it and absolutely loved the show - some of the scenes are right out of the game, and the nostalgia of the experience was the most exciting part of it. The show was set in LA, and I played Fallout 3 and 4 and New Vegas, and the composition of the scenes in the show looked like they were right out of parts of these games. Coconut also said that the Bad Batch star wars cartoon was straight up good storytelling. I've heard really good things about it, but then I look at the art and am immediately turned off. To me it looks like complete ass. Coconut agreed, saying that's the worst part of the experience, but it still manages to impress. I definitely need to give it a try. Asterion7 said the same thing about Xmen 97. Skyver is particularly excited about it, saying that the animated series is the only media that really follows the comics, and the comics were pretty awesome. She used an example: Mystique is Nightcrawler' father in the comics, but Marvel cowardly ran away from that gender fluidity in all their other media content.
Muffin was excited about Walter Goggins being in Fallout because of his work in Righteous Gemstones. Aimee is reading the Silo compilationand respects what the show did. Of the written series, Asterion7 didn't like Dust, and Coconut didn't like either of the second or third books, but both loved the first one. Most people who have seen it have good things to say about Star Trek - Discovery. I keep confusing it with Voyager. I'm not sure why, but I've always avoided it because of that.
Coming up on May 19
Coming up on September 22
submitted by Yarbles to rvaBookClub [link] [comments]
Asterion7 brought a bunch of books he had read to pass out including The Wolf Den by Elodie Harper Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention—and How to Think Deeply Again by Johann Hari, and Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel. He also had The Weird: A Compendium of Strange and Dark Stories, which someone had brought to a previous meeting. Maybe that guy will get it back some time. He's finishing and really liked Menewood by Nicola Griffith, the second of the Light of the World series. He and Skyverbyver talked visiting Pompeii and going to museums there that really made The Wolf Den that much more interesting.
Assaulty did the same thing - brought a bunch of books in an attempt to declutter a bit. She shared Still Life with Bones by Alexa Hagerty, No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy, The Moor's Account by Laila Lalami, and The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison. These are all exceptionally good books. She spent the most time on Ruth Ozecki's The Book of Form and Emptiness, and it sounded interesting enough for us to add it to our list. She also talked about other Ruth Ozecki books including My Year of Meats.
The Book of Form and Emptiness is about a neurodivergent kid, and Ozecki weaves in pop references and talks about education and mental conditions. But she approaches these conditions not as tragedies, but as new opportunities for perspective. It has themes about hoarding and decluttering, and even has a positive things to say about schizophrenia. She read Hollow Kingdom by Kira Jane Buxton, Richmond's Unhealed History by Benjamin Campbell, and The Hundred Years' War on Palestine by Rashid Khalidi, saying that the Ottoman Empire part was particularly interesting; and recommends In Memorium by Alice Wynn, about a couple of gay friends who bonded over a shared love of poetry going off the fight World War Uno.
Aimee tends not to pick up a lot of Contemporary Fiction, so she was not likely to get much from Killers of a Certain Age. She talked about The Fig Tree by Goran Vojnović with Olivia Hellewell translating, and a few other books like The Power by Naomi Alderman and is reading the Silo compilation by Hugh Howley. Coconut_sorbet read the three books in the Remembrance of Earth's Past series starting with The Three-Body Problem, and said while they are incredibly heavy and hard to wade through, it's totally worth it. Apparently the fourth book is a fan fiction that someone sent the author and he supported it enough for it to be published.
The_OG_Bert read The House is on Fire by Rachel Beanland, which is about a Richmond Theater kinda near where MCV is now that apparently burned down, and has been working through The Lord of the Rings. He's finding the audiobooks to be a really good way to experiencing the story, but found that the library doesn't always provide the narrator that you like, and that can ruin the flow. Skyver read Spark of the Everflame by Penn Cole, a romantasy that leaves you hanging at book 3.
Aurora has mostly been reading award winning books and we talked bout the differences between Hugos and Nebulas. One basic difference is that fans vote for Hugos while professional panels select Nebulas. Besides Killers of a Certain Age, she knocked out The Tower at Stony Wood by Patricia A. McKillip, which she says is YA but really good. Unfortunately the author passed away and Aimee brought this one in last time. She read The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez unique but dense, saying it's possibly a best book she ever read candidate. The themes are more about the oral tradition and how stories are told, and includes first-, second-, and third-person narratives. What Feasts at Night by T. Kingfisher; The Saint of Bright Doors by Vajra Chandrasekera , calling it a great Sri Lankan story but a little hard to explain; Translation State by Ann Leckie; The Water Outlaws by S.L. Huang, which is like a classic Chinese novel but with LGBT characters; The Terraformers by Annalee Newitz, saying the book had great ideas, but she didn't love the execution.
She liked Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh, saying it was the best novel she'd read in a while, so that could be literally out of hundreds of books; and Starter Villain by John Scalzi, who is a lot more popular than I thought. Muffin and Kim both liked this one, saying it was a popcorn read, but hilarious, and none of them wanted to ruin the experience by giving away the plot. There was also Shigidi and the Brass Head of Obalufon by Wole Talabi which sounded like a lot of fun, being a heist story about deities working as independent contractors with the main character being minor nightmare god.
She told us about Palimpsest by Catherynne M. Valente which she read for a book club bingo contest, which both Skyver and Asterion loved. It's very weird, about sexually transmitted passes to parts of a city. The book has a lot of sex in it, but Skyver said it's not sexy or titillating at all, it's mostly a metaphor for addiction. We talked about In the Night Garden and several other Catherine Vallente books, like Comfort me with Apples, Space Opera, and In the Cities of Coin and Spice.
Incorrigible_Muffin read a few books: Recovery Dharma: How to Use Buddhist Practices and Principles to Heal the Suffering of Addiction, which teaches a series of quick, practical techniques; This is How You Lose the Time War by Max Gladstone and Amal El-Mohtar; two John Scalzi books: The Kaiju Preservation Society and Starter Villain; The Other Significant Others by Rhaina Cohen, a series of case studies of deep friendships and platonic soulmates, trying to refocus of what society values to community and friends. She recommended a memoir by Rachel Willis The Risk it Takes to Bloom. The last one talks about becoming a woman, but missing those most important milestones in your life like your body developing through puberty.
She told us about You Dreamed of Empires by Álvaro Enrigue with Natasha Wimmer (Translator), describing it like a Bridge to Tarabithia but with time travel about anti-colonial uprisings; The Other Valley by Scott Alexander Howard, which she said was a mindfuck, but with interesting bureaucracy; and Lilith by Nikki Marmery, calling it lush and sexy and suggested you read it in a natural environment like a garden. I had brought in The Violence by Delilah S. Dawson for Assaulty to borrow, and Muffin said it is an excellent follow-up to Brutalities: A Love Story by Margo Steines. Aimee said it reminded her of The Power by Naomi Alderman. The author of The Violence Dawson got her start by writing Star Wars novels; I thought that was pretty cool.
We talked about Friends Don't Fall in Love by Erin Hahn, which is a sizzly slow burn, but funny; and A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid. But I didn't catch who brought those up.
We talked about the new series Fallout. I thought that someone who hadn't played the game might not be able to get into the series, but Coconut hadn't played it and absolutely loved the show - some of the scenes are right out of the game, and the nostalgia of the experience was the most exciting part of it. The show was set in LA, and I played Fallout 3 and 4 and New Vegas, and the composition of the scenes in the show looked like they were right out of parts of these games. Coconut also said that the Bad Batch star wars cartoon was straight up good storytelling. I've heard really good things about it, but then I look at the art and am immediately turned off. To me it looks like complete ass. Coconut agreed, saying that's the worst part of the experience, but it still manages to impress. I definitely need to give it a try. Asterion7 said the same thing about Xmen 97. Skyver is particularly excited about it, saying that the animated series is the only media that really follows the comics, and the comics were pretty awesome. She used an example: Mystique is Nightcrawler' father in the comics, but Marvel cowardly ran away from that gender fluidity in all their other media content.
Muffin was excited about Walter Goggins being in Fallout because of his work in Righteous Gemstones. Aimee is reading the Silo compilationand respects what the show did. Of the written series, Asterion7 didn't like Dust, and Coconut didn't like either of the second or third books, but both loved the first one. Most people who have seen it have good things to say about Star Trek - Discovery. I keep confusing it with Voyager. I'm not sure why, but I've always avoided it because of that.
Coming up on May 19
- story about some kind of conspiracy
- Any kind of graphic novel - I'll have a couple to lend out if anyone needs
- Looking Glass Sound by Catriona Ward. Laucchi recommends to go into this book blind.
Coming up on September 22
2024.05.18 20:47 Bergylicious317 The narrative is changing
 | I just has this pop up on Facebook. I love how they have added "Maybe" now, whereas before they were saying this was going to be their last. Haha, we all knew it, but I find it funny. submitted by Bergylicious317 to LaBrantFamSnark [link] [comments] |
2024.05.18 20:46 Sock_Purple [Vietnam] Be Your Star, Ep 9
Join us as we resume our languid journey through the lives of two men, intertwined by fate, in beautiful Da Lat. Will something happen? We don't care, as long as there are good shots of the kitchen and rock garden! Again, huge thanks to u/MidwesternLibrarian for authoring the first two On Air posts and permitting me to plagiarize liberally. Onward!
Episode 9 Link
Be Your Star playlist with trailer
Summary (from YouTube video description): Thien Bao and Dinh Huy accidentally met on a blind date when Huy was hired to be the lover of a girl who came to force Bao to refuse the arranged marriage between him and that girl. The meeting seemed like very terrible as Huy's plan, they thought they would never see each other again. Unfortunately, the CEO of company Huy applied to be an intern was Thien Bao. Nothing would have happened if Huy hadn't recorded a video of Ha Lam and Thien Bao being affectionate with each other. Moreover, Dinh Huy found out that Ha Lam is Thien Bao ex and that mean Thien Bao is gay. Because Lam is the boyfriend of Huy's best friend - Gia Hoa. Huy used this video to warn Bao that if he continues to interfere with Hoa's love, Huy will spread the news to the whole world. Because Bao wanted to keep the secret he was gay, Bao had to accept Huy to work for him, but to keep Huy’s mouth, Thien Bao sent Huy to work at his house. In fact, two people, two opposite personalities, combined with a bad first impression of each other stay at the same place, caused countless funny stories. At first, Bao just wanted to tease Huy because he knew Huy was a straight guy, but “First make friend, then make love” Bao gradually develops feelings for Huy., his whole body was full of wounds and now his heart...
MidwesternLibrarian's Summary/TLDR: Dinh Huy (aka Blondie) pretended to be the fake lover of Thien Boa's fiancee so she could get out of an arranged marriage. Later Dinh Huy blackmails Thien Boa so he can get a job at Thien Boa's company. Thien Boa gives Dinh Huy a job...as his housekeeper.
Genres: comedy, soap opera-y?
Number of episodes: World of BL says that there will be 20 episodes.
Runtime: 33-39 minutes, depending on the episode, except episode 2, which ran only 28 minutes.
MidwesternLibrarian's Notes: I'm pretty sure 02 Productions has made the most Vietnamese BL series so far, here are the playlists. Most are what I would call soap opera-y (evil wannabe girlfriends, love triangles, violence etc.) My favorite is a short movie called The Ring Goes Missing free to watch on YouTube (it is also on GagaOOLala). It has a sassy character who I love and is not soap opera-y.
Socials
Nguyễn Bá Vinh: Instagram X/Twitter Facebook YouTube TikTok
Hồ Đông Quan: Instagram Facebook TikTok
Duy Harry: Instagram Facebook
Previous On Air posts
Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6, Episode 7, Episode 8
submitted by Sock_Purple to boyslove [link] [comments]
Episode 9 Link
Be Your Star playlist with trailer
Summary (from YouTube video description): Thien Bao and Dinh Huy accidentally met on a blind date when Huy was hired to be the lover of a girl who came to force Bao to refuse the arranged marriage between him and that girl. The meeting seemed like very terrible as Huy's plan, they thought they would never see each other again. Unfortunately, the CEO of company Huy applied to be an intern was Thien Bao. Nothing would have happened if Huy hadn't recorded a video of Ha Lam and Thien Bao being affectionate with each other. Moreover, Dinh Huy found out that Ha Lam is Thien Bao ex and that mean Thien Bao is gay. Because Lam is the boyfriend of Huy's best friend - Gia Hoa. Huy used this video to warn Bao that if he continues to interfere with Hoa's love, Huy will spread the news to the whole world. Because Bao wanted to keep the secret he was gay, Bao had to accept Huy to work for him, but to keep Huy’s mouth, Thien Bao sent Huy to work at his house. In fact, two people, two opposite personalities, combined with a bad first impression of each other stay at the same place, caused countless funny stories. At first, Bao just wanted to tease Huy because he knew Huy was a straight guy, but “First make friend, then make love” Bao gradually develops feelings for Huy., his whole body was full of wounds and now his heart...
MidwesternLibrarian's Summary/TLDR: Dinh Huy (aka Blondie) pretended to be the fake lover of Thien Boa's fiancee so she could get out of an arranged marriage. Later Dinh Huy blackmails Thien Boa so he can get a job at Thien Boa's company. Thien Boa gives Dinh Huy a job...as his housekeeper.
Genres: comedy, soap opera-y?
Number of episodes: World of BL says that there will be 20 episodes.
Runtime: 33-39 minutes, depending on the episode, except episode 2, which ran only 28 minutes.
MidwesternLibrarian's Notes: I'm pretty sure 02 Productions has made the most Vietnamese BL series so far, here are the playlists. Most are what I would call soap opera-y (evil wannabe girlfriends, love triangles, violence etc.) My favorite is a short movie called The Ring Goes Missing free to watch on YouTube (it is also on GagaOOLala). It has a sassy character who I love and is not soap opera-y.
Socials
Nguyễn Bá Vinh: Instagram X/Twitter Facebook YouTube TikTok
Hồ Đông Quan: Instagram Facebook TikTok
Duy Harry: Instagram Facebook
Previous On Air posts
Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6, Episode 7, Episode 8
2024.05.18 20:44 nik_stojanovski How I gained 1,100 subscribers in 14 days without spending a dime, and a 53% open rate
Hi everyone – I’ve recently been building a weekly business newsletter called Pulse of Progress and got my first 1,100 subscribers in just 14 days!
The best part? I used zero paid ads. All of my subs were completely free!
Here’s how I did it.
But first, let me provide some context…
For the last 6 months, I’ve been testing out different side hustle / business ideas. I have a running list of ideas that I test on forums like Reddit and Indie Hacker to get a pulse on what the public thinks. In my opinion, this is one of the best ways to validate an idea before investing any money or serious time into it. If it gets some traction or interest in the first few days, you know you have something. If not, its time to move on.
I start by generating some interest on social platforms and freelance websites (side note – I’ve come up with a method that helps me do this and get tangible results. So, if this is something you want to learn more about, let me know. I’ll make a post around this too). It’s an approach I’ve developed and tested over the last year with other ideas, so I just do the same with all other ideas I want to test / validate in the future. I want to see results fast, not waste time on non-value add activities.
Here are some of the business ideas I’ve tested:
1. Newsletter sponsorship marketplace – created a platform connecting newsletter businesses with potential advertisers. The marketplace allows the businesses to post their content and advertisers to find and book ad slots
2. AI based email marketing optimization tool – developed an AI tool that analyzes email marketing campaigns and provides optimization suggestions to improve open rates, click-through rates, and conversions
3. Remote language exchange facilitation – pair individuals looking to learn each other’s languages and facilitate their language exchange sessions online
I shut all of these down. I couldn’t get the momentum I wanted or hoped for to consider them a success. The AI based email marketing optimization tool went viral on Hacker News and Indie Hacker, but it was because I was able to generate some hype around it for a short period of time. But the hype faded fast…real fast. I had about 100 people sign up for the service. As for my other businesses, I had a few signups here and there but nothing worth keeping the business alive and investing more of my time into it.
Something I want to call out at this point: all of the businesses I tried starting in the past were bootstrapped. I never used money I made from the sale of my other businesses. I sold one business (a virtual event planning business that took off during the pandemic. We organized and managed virtual events, think webinars / workshops / conferences, for specific interest groups and professional communities). I never touched the proceeds from that sale to start the company I currently run. The reason I bring this up is because I think your business, regardless of what it is, needs to stand on its own. If it couldn’t, I knew it was time to move on. I didn’t want to give myself a false sense of hope that it would work by continuously throwing money at it.
The reason I started a business newsletter…
A newsletter was perfect. It was easy to start and required no money to get it up and running. The purpose behind the newsletter was centered around the idea of creating something that informed and educated people but was entertaining to read. Reading in general, news or not, can sometimes feel like a chore (at least for me). This was the opposite. This was something you genuinely looked forward to reading, the things that influence your world and the decisions you make on a daily basis.
The biggest issue I had with everything else out there was that the content was around things I didn’t care about. Not to mention it put me to sleep half the time. And that’s when it hit me – create a platform that genuinely helped people stay ahead in this information heavy world. Filter out the nonsense, deliver on high-value content.
The test phase…
I spent a couple hours looking up any Facebook group that was related to starting side hustles, escaping the 9-5 grind, online businesses etc. Once I came up with a small list of about 8-10 groups, I spent the next few days posting about the newsletter. One caveat for me when looking for which groups to post in: they needed to have more than 50K users. I wanted my posts to have some reach and didn’t want to waste my time in groups that were smaller and were barely active. I also designed some GIFs (I drew inspiration from the early Milk Road days when they posted funny GIFs / memes about their newsletter all over social media) but that didn’t work. Like at all. So, I shifted gears.
The first day, I posted about the newsletter in 8 different groups and got about 45 subscribers the next day. Over the next two weeks, I spent a couple of hours each day making similar posts within these groups and tried finding other groups I can post in. This proved to be successful. Making consistent posts got people engaged and subscribing to the newsletter. It was starting to gain some steam. And this is what lead to my first 1,100 subscribers in the first 14 days.
Why this worked…
1. Value creation: The best ideas appeal to what people want, and more importantly, need. It helps solve a problem. And in this case, people want high quality content that helps them make informed decisions, educates them along the way and is a joy to read.
2. Helps identify trends before they happen: Understanding emerging trends and market dynamics is crucial for staying ahead. This knowledge allows people to adapt quickly, innovate effectively, and capitalize on new market opportunities.
3. Sparks innovation and creativity: Exposure to different perspectives and new information sparks innovation and creative thinking. Staying informed about global trends, tech advancements, and industry breakthroughs inspires new ideas and approaches.
Things to keep in mind…
What I’ve realized is that you want your ideas to generate a “natural pull” from the world. It shouldn’t be something you “push” onto people. Trying to convince people they need something that doesn’t help improve their lives or satisfy a need is a waste of time. Listen to what people want. And build from there.
I’ve had multiple profitable businesses and the common theme between them all is that they cost me less than $100 to start and get product / market fit. I won’t lie, sometimes I let my ego get in the way when I put an idea out there and it got rejected. And trust me when I tell you, that’s happened more often than I’d like to admit. I spent way too much time and money putting something together even when I knew it wasn’t worth pursuing.
How does that saying go…the one about Thomas Edison and his attempt at building the first light bulb after trying and failing 1000 times. “I haven’t failed. I just found 1000 different ways how not to build a lightbulb.” And that’s just it…who cares if the idea didn’t work. Hate to break it to you, but most will. Instead, focus on the skills you’ve picked up and learned along the way while building this business and apply it to the next.
Anyways, I hope this post helps at least one person grow their business, subs count, social media presence. Now that I’ve grown my audience to over 10K subscribers organically, I’m looking into using paid ads to grow even more from here. The problem is I have no idea how to do that! So, if anyone has any tips or tricks, I’d love to hear them.
Good luck my friends.
submitted by nik_stojanovski to Entrepreneur [link] [comments]
The best part? I used zero paid ads. All of my subs were completely free!
Here’s how I did it.
But first, let me provide some context…
For the last 6 months, I’ve been testing out different side hustle / business ideas. I have a running list of ideas that I test on forums like Reddit and Indie Hacker to get a pulse on what the public thinks. In my opinion, this is one of the best ways to validate an idea before investing any money or serious time into it. If it gets some traction or interest in the first few days, you know you have something. If not, its time to move on.
I start by generating some interest on social platforms and freelance websites (side note – I’ve come up with a method that helps me do this and get tangible results. So, if this is something you want to learn more about, let me know. I’ll make a post around this too). It’s an approach I’ve developed and tested over the last year with other ideas, so I just do the same with all other ideas I want to test / validate in the future. I want to see results fast, not waste time on non-value add activities.
Here are some of the business ideas I’ve tested:
1. Newsletter sponsorship marketplace – created a platform connecting newsletter businesses with potential advertisers. The marketplace allows the businesses to post their content and advertisers to find and book ad slots
2. AI based email marketing optimization tool – developed an AI tool that analyzes email marketing campaigns and provides optimization suggestions to improve open rates, click-through rates, and conversions
3. Remote language exchange facilitation – pair individuals looking to learn each other’s languages and facilitate their language exchange sessions online
I shut all of these down. I couldn’t get the momentum I wanted or hoped for to consider them a success. The AI based email marketing optimization tool went viral on Hacker News and Indie Hacker, but it was because I was able to generate some hype around it for a short period of time. But the hype faded fast…real fast. I had about 100 people sign up for the service. As for my other businesses, I had a few signups here and there but nothing worth keeping the business alive and investing more of my time into it.
Something I want to call out at this point: all of the businesses I tried starting in the past were bootstrapped. I never used money I made from the sale of my other businesses. I sold one business (a virtual event planning business that took off during the pandemic. We organized and managed virtual events, think webinars / workshops / conferences, for specific interest groups and professional communities). I never touched the proceeds from that sale to start the company I currently run. The reason I bring this up is because I think your business, regardless of what it is, needs to stand on its own. If it couldn’t, I knew it was time to move on. I didn’t want to give myself a false sense of hope that it would work by continuously throwing money at it.
The reason I started a business newsletter…
A newsletter was perfect. It was easy to start and required no money to get it up and running. The purpose behind the newsletter was centered around the idea of creating something that informed and educated people but was entertaining to read. Reading in general, news or not, can sometimes feel like a chore (at least for me). This was the opposite. This was something you genuinely looked forward to reading, the things that influence your world and the decisions you make on a daily basis.
The biggest issue I had with everything else out there was that the content was around things I didn’t care about. Not to mention it put me to sleep half the time. And that’s when it hit me – create a platform that genuinely helped people stay ahead in this information heavy world. Filter out the nonsense, deliver on high-value content.
The test phase…
I spent a couple hours looking up any Facebook group that was related to starting side hustles, escaping the 9-5 grind, online businesses etc. Once I came up with a small list of about 8-10 groups, I spent the next few days posting about the newsletter. One caveat for me when looking for which groups to post in: they needed to have more than 50K users. I wanted my posts to have some reach and didn’t want to waste my time in groups that were smaller and were barely active. I also designed some GIFs (I drew inspiration from the early Milk Road days when they posted funny GIFs / memes about their newsletter all over social media) but that didn’t work. Like at all. So, I shifted gears.
The first day, I posted about the newsletter in 8 different groups and got about 45 subscribers the next day. Over the next two weeks, I spent a couple of hours each day making similar posts within these groups and tried finding other groups I can post in. This proved to be successful. Making consistent posts got people engaged and subscribing to the newsletter. It was starting to gain some steam. And this is what lead to my first 1,100 subscribers in the first 14 days.
Why this worked…
1. Value creation: The best ideas appeal to what people want, and more importantly, need. It helps solve a problem. And in this case, people want high quality content that helps them make informed decisions, educates them along the way and is a joy to read.
2. Helps identify trends before they happen: Understanding emerging trends and market dynamics is crucial for staying ahead. This knowledge allows people to adapt quickly, innovate effectively, and capitalize on new market opportunities.
3. Sparks innovation and creativity: Exposure to different perspectives and new information sparks innovation and creative thinking. Staying informed about global trends, tech advancements, and industry breakthroughs inspires new ideas and approaches.
Things to keep in mind…
What I’ve realized is that you want your ideas to generate a “natural pull” from the world. It shouldn’t be something you “push” onto people. Trying to convince people they need something that doesn’t help improve their lives or satisfy a need is a waste of time. Listen to what people want. And build from there.
I’ve had multiple profitable businesses and the common theme between them all is that they cost me less than $100 to start and get product / market fit. I won’t lie, sometimes I let my ego get in the way when I put an idea out there and it got rejected. And trust me when I tell you, that’s happened more often than I’d like to admit. I spent way too much time and money putting something together even when I knew it wasn’t worth pursuing.
How does that saying go…the one about Thomas Edison and his attempt at building the first light bulb after trying and failing 1000 times. “I haven’t failed. I just found 1000 different ways how not to build a lightbulb.” And that’s just it…who cares if the idea didn’t work. Hate to break it to you, but most will. Instead, focus on the skills you’ve picked up and learned along the way while building this business and apply it to the next.
Anyways, I hope this post helps at least one person grow their business, subs count, social media presence. Now that I’ve grown my audience to over 10K subscribers organically, I’m looking into using paid ads to grow even more from here. The problem is I have no idea how to do that! So, if anyone has any tips or tricks, I’d love to hear them.
Good luck my friends.
2024.05.18 20:41 nik_stojanovski How I gained 1,100 subscribers in 14 days without spending a dime, and a 53% open rate
Hi everyone – I’ve recently been building a weekly business newsletter called Pulse of Progress and got my first 1,100 subscribers in just 14 days!
The best part? I used zero paid ads. All of my subs were completely free!
Here’s how I did it.
But first, let me provide some context…
For the last 6 months, I’ve been testing out different side hustle / business ideas. I have a running list of ideas that I test on forums like Reddit and Indie Hacker to get a pulse on what the public thinks. In my opinion, this is one of the best ways to validate an idea before investing any money or serious time into it. If it gets some traction or interest in the first few days, you know you have something. If not, its time to move on.
I start by generating some interest on social platforms and freelance websites (side note – I’ve come up with a method that helps me do this and get tangible results. So, if this is something you want to learn more about, let me know. I’ll make a post around this too). It’s an approach I’ve developed and tested over the last year with other ideas, so I just do the same with all other ideas I want to test / validate in the future. I want to see results fast, not waste time on non-value add activities.
Here are some of the business ideas I’ve tested:
1. Newsletter sponsorship marketplace – created a platform connecting newsletter businesses with potential advertisers. The marketplace allows the businesses to post their content and advertisers to find and book ad slots
2. AI based email marketing optimization tool – developed an AI tool that analyzes email marketing campaigns and provides optimization suggestions to improve open rates, click-through rates, and conversions
3. Remote language exchange facilitation – pair individuals looking to learn each other’s languages and facilitate their language exchange sessions online
I shut all of these down. I couldn’t get the momentum I wanted or hoped for to consider them a success. The AI based email marketing optimization tool went viral on Hacker News and Indie Hacker, but it was because I was able to generate some hype around it for a short period of time. But the hype faded fast…real fast. I had about 100 people sign up for the service. As for my other businesses, I had a few signups here and there but nothing worth keeping the business alive and investing more of my time into it.
Something I want to call out at this point: all of the businesses I tried starting in the past were bootstrapped. I never used money I made from the sale of my other businesses. I sold one business (a virtual event planning business that took off during the pandemic. We organized and managed virtual events, think webinars / workshops / conferences, for specific interest groups and professional communities). I never touched the proceeds from that sale to start the company I currently run. The reason I bring this up is because I think your business, regardless of what it is, needs to stand on its own. If it couldn’t, I knew it was time to move on. I didn’t want to give myself a false sense of hope that it would work by continuously throwing money at it.
The reason I started a business newsletter…
A newsletter was perfect. It was easy to start and required no money to get it up and running. The purpose behind the newsletter was centered around the idea of creating something that informed and educated people but was entertaining to read. Reading in general, news or not, can sometimes feel like a chore (at least for me). This was the opposite. This was something you genuinely looked forward to reading, the things that influence your world and the decisions you make on a daily basis.
The biggest issue I had with everything else out there was that the content was around things I didn’t care about. Not to mention it put me to sleep half the time. And that’s when it hit me – create a platform that genuinely helped people stay ahead in this information heavy world. Filter out the nonsense, deliver on high-value content.
The test phase…
I spent a couple hours looking up any Facebook group that was related to starting side hustles, escaping the 9-5 grind, online businesses etc. Once I came up with a small list of about 8-10 groups, I spent the next few days posting about the newsletter. One caveat for me when looking for which groups to post in: they needed to have more than 50K users. I wanted my posts to have some reach and didn’t want to waste my time in groups that were smaller and were barely active. I also designed some GIFs (I drew inspiration from the early Milk Road days when they posted funny GIFs / memes about their newsletter all over social media) but that didn’t work. Like at all. So, I shifted gears.
The first day, I posted about the newsletter in 8 different groups and got about 45 subscribers the next day. Over the next two weeks, I spent a couple of hours each day making similar posts within these groups and tried finding other groups I can post in. This proved to be successful. Making consistent posts got people engaged and subscribing to the newsletter. It was starting to gain some steam. And this is what lead to my first 1,100 subscribers in the first 14 days.
Why this worked…
1. Value creation: The best ideas appeal to what people want, and more importantly, need. It helps solve a problem. And in this case, people want high quality content that helps them make informed decisions, educates them along the way and is a joy to read.
2. Helps identify trends before they happen: Understanding emerging trends and market dynamics is crucial for staying ahead. This knowledge allows people to adapt quickly, innovate effectively, and capitalize on new market opportunities.
3. Sparks innovation and creativity: Exposure to different perspectives and new information sparks innovation and creative thinking. Staying informed about global trends, tech advancements, and industry breakthroughs inspires new ideas and approaches.
Things to keep in mind…
What I’ve realized is that you want your ideas to generate a “natural pull” from the world. It shouldn’t be something you “push” onto people. Trying to convince people they need something that doesn’t help improve their lives or satisfy a need is a waste of time. Listen to what people want. And build from there.
I’ve had multiple profitable businesses and the common theme between them all is that they cost me less than $100 to start and get product / market fit. I won’t lie, sometimes I let my ego get in the way when I put an idea out there and it got rejected. And trust me when I tell you, that’s happened more often than I’d like to admit. I spent way too much time and money putting something together even when I knew it wasn’t worth pursuing.
How does that saying go…the one about Thomas Edison and his attempt at building the first light bulb after trying and failing 1000 times. “I haven’t failed. I just found 1000 different ways how not to build a lightbulb.” And that’s just it…who cares if the idea didn’t work. Hate to break it to you, but most will. Instead, focus on the skills you’ve picked up and learned along the way while building this business and apply it to the next.
Anyways, I hope this post helps at least one person grow their business, subs count, social media presence. Now that I’ve grown my audience to over 10K subscribers organically, I’m looking into using paid ads to grow even more from here. The problem is I have no idea how to do that! So, if anyone has any tips or tricks, I’d love to hear them.
Good luck my friends.
submitted by nik_stojanovski to EntrepreneurRideAlong [link] [comments]
The best part? I used zero paid ads. All of my subs were completely free!
Here’s how I did it.
But first, let me provide some context…
For the last 6 months, I’ve been testing out different side hustle / business ideas. I have a running list of ideas that I test on forums like Reddit and Indie Hacker to get a pulse on what the public thinks. In my opinion, this is one of the best ways to validate an idea before investing any money or serious time into it. If it gets some traction or interest in the first few days, you know you have something. If not, its time to move on.
I start by generating some interest on social platforms and freelance websites (side note – I’ve come up with a method that helps me do this and get tangible results. So, if this is something you want to learn more about, let me know. I’ll make a post around this too). It’s an approach I’ve developed and tested over the last year with other ideas, so I just do the same with all other ideas I want to test / validate in the future. I want to see results fast, not waste time on non-value add activities.
Here are some of the business ideas I’ve tested:
1. Newsletter sponsorship marketplace – created a platform connecting newsletter businesses with potential advertisers. The marketplace allows the businesses to post their content and advertisers to find and book ad slots
2. AI based email marketing optimization tool – developed an AI tool that analyzes email marketing campaigns and provides optimization suggestions to improve open rates, click-through rates, and conversions
3. Remote language exchange facilitation – pair individuals looking to learn each other’s languages and facilitate their language exchange sessions online
I shut all of these down. I couldn’t get the momentum I wanted or hoped for to consider them a success. The AI based email marketing optimization tool went viral on Hacker News and Indie Hacker, but it was because I was able to generate some hype around it for a short period of time. But the hype faded fast…real fast. I had about 100 people sign up for the service. As for my other businesses, I had a few signups here and there but nothing worth keeping the business alive and investing more of my time into it.
Something I want to call out at this point: all of the businesses I tried starting in the past were bootstrapped. I never used money I made from the sale of my other businesses. I sold one business (a virtual event planning business that took off during the pandemic. We organized and managed virtual events, think webinars / workshops / conferences, for specific interest groups and professional communities). I never touched the proceeds from that sale to start the company I currently run. The reason I bring this up is because I think your business, regardless of what it is, needs to stand on its own. If it couldn’t, I knew it was time to move on. I didn’t want to give myself a false sense of hope that it would work by continuously throwing money at it.
The reason I started a business newsletter…
A newsletter was perfect. It was easy to start and required no money to get it up and running. The purpose behind the newsletter was centered around the idea of creating something that informed and educated people but was entertaining to read. Reading in general, news or not, can sometimes feel like a chore (at least for me). This was the opposite. This was something you genuinely looked forward to reading, the things that influence your world and the decisions you make on a daily basis.
The biggest issue I had with everything else out there was that the content was around things I didn’t care about. Not to mention it put me to sleep half the time. And that’s when it hit me – create a platform that genuinely helped people stay ahead in this information heavy world. Filter out the nonsense, deliver on high-value content.
The test phase…
I spent a couple hours looking up any Facebook group that was related to starting side hustles, escaping the 9-5 grind, online businesses etc. Once I came up with a small list of about 8-10 groups, I spent the next few days posting about the newsletter. One caveat for me when looking for which groups to post in: they needed to have more than 50K users. I wanted my posts to have some reach and didn’t want to waste my time in groups that were smaller and were barely active. I also designed some GIFs (I drew inspiration from the early Milk Road days when they posted funny GIFs / memes about their newsletter all over social media) but that didn’t work. Like at all. So, I shifted gears.
The first day, I posted about the newsletter in 8 different groups and got about 45 subscribers the next day. Over the next two weeks, I spent a couple of hours each day making similar posts within these groups and tried finding other groups I can post in. This proved to be successful. Making consistent posts got people engaged and subscribing to the newsletter. It was starting to gain some steam. And this is what lead to my first 1,100 subscribers in the first 14 days.
Why this worked…
1. Value creation: The best ideas appeal to what people want, and more importantly, need. It helps solve a problem. And in this case, people want high quality content that helps them make informed decisions, educates them along the way and is a joy to read.
2. Helps identify trends before they happen: Understanding emerging trends and market dynamics is crucial for staying ahead. This knowledge allows people to adapt quickly, innovate effectively, and capitalize on new market opportunities.
3. Sparks innovation and creativity: Exposure to different perspectives and new information sparks innovation and creative thinking. Staying informed about global trends, tech advancements, and industry breakthroughs inspires new ideas and approaches.
Things to keep in mind…
What I’ve realized is that you want your ideas to generate a “natural pull” from the world. It shouldn’t be something you “push” onto people. Trying to convince people they need something that doesn’t help improve their lives or satisfy a need is a waste of time. Listen to what people want. And build from there.
I’ve had multiple profitable businesses and the common theme between them all is that they cost me less than $100 to start and get product / market fit. I won’t lie, sometimes I let my ego get in the way when I put an idea out there and it got rejected. And trust me when I tell you, that’s happened more often than I’d like to admit. I spent way too much time and money putting something together even when I knew it wasn’t worth pursuing.
How does that saying go…the one about Thomas Edison and his attempt at building the first light bulb after trying and failing 1000 times. “I haven’t failed. I just found 1000 different ways how not to build a lightbulb.” And that’s just it…who cares if the idea didn’t work. Hate to break it to you, but most will. Instead, focus on the skills you’ve picked up and learned along the way while building this business and apply it to the next.
Anyways, I hope this post helps at least one person grow their business, subs count, social media presence. Now that I’ve grown my audience to over 10K subscribers organically, I’m looking into using paid ads to grow even more from here. The problem is I have no idea how to do that! So, if anyone has any tips or tricks, I’d love to hear them.
Good luck my friends.
2024.05.18 20:37 Infamous_Contact3582 Ever wondered if characters are reading Akyuu's articles?
I mean I've heard that youkai ask her to depict them as stronger than they actually are and its generally a good propaganda for the gods to let their presence known in Akyuu's chronicles but I'd say some humans may have some issues of these articles. Or with the speculations rather.
For example Akyuu speculating that sakuya had been using her time manipulation to freeze her age for centuries. Which is true considering other characters statements as well as how these abilities work but the point is a human living longer in Gensokyo brings nothing bit trouble. Imagine a hell authority reading about this and starts sending kishin after Sakuya. Or Reimu confronting her about it suspecting it has a youkai transformation nature. Even as a non villager. This isn't appreciated.
Or Akyuu's speculation that Marisa would become a youkai magician in the future. Again, that's obviously what she'll do in the future specifically after she matures,gets over herself and decides she's done with incident solving and it's about time the magician research is what needs her full attention if she plans to add something useful to magic as a dedicated magician. Without of course denying the possibility that her efforts to create an immortality potion which doesn't change the nature of humans could be a success. But again, the point. Akyuu writing an article for a village of all things telling them "hey, there's a witch living in the nearby forest that is trying to become a youkai". And then expects no one is gonna go burn Marisa's house,burn her at the Stake or something.
And this one's just as funny:Alice. Yeah, she wrote about an ex-human who turned youkai and now she's living in the forest. It was bad enough to suspect that Alice managed that after her arrival in Gensokyo and not as the last thing she did before leaving Makai. In which case she's in for extermination. But yeah let's go write a public article about so that the whole world may know.
Or like Seiga. Look, nothing can be written about Seiga that Seiga would enjoy letting everybody know. Now, she came from China to preach the ways of hermits and all. So letting everyone know in advance that she may or may not be using forbidden arts is not helping.
These are the examples I've had in mind. In case the notion have occurred to you feel free to expand on it.
submitted by Infamous_Contact3582 to touhou [link] [comments]
For example Akyuu speculating that sakuya had been using her time manipulation to freeze her age for centuries. Which is true considering other characters statements as well as how these abilities work but the point is a human living longer in Gensokyo brings nothing bit trouble. Imagine a hell authority reading about this and starts sending kishin after Sakuya. Or Reimu confronting her about it suspecting it has a youkai transformation nature. Even as a non villager. This isn't appreciated.
Or Akyuu's speculation that Marisa would become a youkai magician in the future. Again, that's obviously what she'll do in the future specifically after she matures,gets over herself and decides she's done with incident solving and it's about time the magician research is what needs her full attention if she plans to add something useful to magic as a dedicated magician. Without of course denying the possibility that her efforts to create an immortality potion which doesn't change the nature of humans could be a success. But again, the point. Akyuu writing an article for a village of all things telling them "hey, there's a witch living in the nearby forest that is trying to become a youkai". And then expects no one is gonna go burn Marisa's house,burn her at the Stake or something.
And this one's just as funny:Alice. Yeah, she wrote about an ex-human who turned youkai and now she's living in the forest. It was bad enough to suspect that Alice managed that after her arrival in Gensokyo and not as the last thing she did before leaving Makai. In which case she's in for extermination. But yeah let's go write a public article about so that the whole world may know.
Or like Seiga. Look, nothing can be written about Seiga that Seiga would enjoy letting everybody know. Now, she came from China to preach the ways of hermits and all. So letting everyone know in advance that she may or may not be using forbidden arts is not helping.
These are the examples I've had in mind. In case the notion have occurred to you feel free to expand on it.
2024.05.18 20:34 Ill_Emu_4254 Comedy shows should censor swear words because it's funnier.
Maybe its just me, but I think hearing a beep instead of a swear word makes a show so much funnier. Prime example: Arrested Development. The way they censor swear words makes the scene way funnier than the uncensored version. South Park is also funnier when censored. I think the bleep sound effect is just funny.
submitted by Ill_Emu_4254 to unpopularopinion [link] [comments]
2024.05.18 20:33 MikeMurillo Help Needed: Handling JSON Data in CSV Files During Pipeline Processing
 | I'm having a problem that's driving me crazy, so I decided to come here for help. submitted by MikeMurillo to MicrosoftFabric [link] [comments] Context: I have X number of CSV files with the same structure in a blob. I'm merging them using pipelines and then dumping a single delta file into Lakehouse, nothing crazy. https://preview.redd.it/sqggf8npa81d1.png?width=1049&format=png&auto=webp&s=73465938e0f68a8677bfc7cba1ea4df230811f3e The problem: A column inside my CSV files contains JSON data, like this example: {"WVD.Type":"Type","WVD.Create":"Create","WVD.Source":"GPU","WVD.Path":"1234"} Since the JSON is separated by commas, it fucks up my data, sending some of the tags inside this column to other columns. This data is crucial for my process, and I need to keep it in a single column. The funny thing is, PowerBI recognizes this as JSON and keeps the column intact, but data pipelines can't seem to handle it. I've been trying to replace the commas (",") with semicolons (";") and then process it using Power Query, but it seems like data pipelines are just for moving data from point A to point B and not for transformations. Do you guys have any ideas on how to deal with this using data pipelines? Any suggestions are more than welcome! Thanks! |
2024.05.18 20:31 JuicyMcJuiceJuice Community standards do not make any sense on Facebook anymore. Anybody else having a bizarre time?
I don't know if this belongs here, feel free to remove it if it doesn't, mods. I just wanna put this out there instead of kicking it around my head.
What even is a Facebook community standard? Oh, I've read what they claim are their standards but in actual practice it seems as though they have no standard whatsoever unless I'm the one making a comment. For example, I was just account restricted and had my comment removed for calling someone ugly after they called me ugly. Just a really low-tier 'no, u' moment. Their standards make absolutely ZERO sense and it's been this way for awhile now. Reported the comment calling me ugly, just to see. Unsurprisingly, Facebook says that comment didn't violate standards.
Just off the top of my head, here are some things I've reported over time which Facebook claims doesn't violate standards: Animal abuse videos. Multiple. Apparently some ignorant villagers drowning monkies for views is okiedokie. A video of another group of ignorant villagers throwing a much smaller dog to their huge dog which then proceeds to rip the little dog apart is okiedokie. A picture of sonic the hedgehog ejaculating through his underwear with a perfect imprint of his enormous, erect pecker and the words "gotta cum fast" in a speech bubble was also okiedokie. A woman provocatively fondling her naked breasts while making erotic sounds and facial expressions at the camera while occasionally pretending to breast feed a doll was also okiedokie by Facebooks standards.
Don't get me wrong, I am not under the mistaken impression that Facebook is out to get me specifically. I'm just a little flabbergasted at how bizarre Facebooks standards have become.
submitted by JuicyMcJuiceJuice to facebook [link] [comments]
What even is a Facebook community standard? Oh, I've read what they claim are their standards but in actual practice it seems as though they have no standard whatsoever unless I'm the one making a comment. For example, I was just account restricted and had my comment removed for calling someone ugly after they called me ugly. Just a really low-tier 'no, u' moment. Their standards make absolutely ZERO sense and it's been this way for awhile now. Reported the comment calling me ugly, just to see. Unsurprisingly, Facebook says that comment didn't violate standards.
Just off the top of my head, here are some things I've reported over time which Facebook claims doesn't violate standards: Animal abuse videos. Multiple. Apparently some ignorant villagers drowning monkies for views is okiedokie. A video of another group of ignorant villagers throwing a much smaller dog to their huge dog which then proceeds to rip the little dog apart is okiedokie. A picture of sonic the hedgehog ejaculating through his underwear with a perfect imprint of his enormous, erect pecker and the words "gotta cum fast" in a speech bubble was also okiedokie. A woman provocatively fondling her naked breasts while making erotic sounds and facial expressions at the camera while occasionally pretending to breast feed a doll was also okiedokie by Facebooks standards.
Don't get me wrong, I am not under the mistaken impression that Facebook is out to get me specifically. I'm just a little flabbergasted at how bizarre Facebooks standards have become.
2024.05.18 20:01 East_Construction857 My "friends" think I'm dumb and never take me seriously
First of all hi!Excuse me for my English I'm from Western Europe.Im 17 years old (girl) and I currently have 3 friends and 2 of them are girls.As a person I'm really akward and when I'm around other people I am always trying to be sarcastic and funny so I won't make them feel uncomfortable around me.This is my way to be normal around people since I'm neurodivergent and even tho I'm extroverted I don't know how to communicate this.As I said every "friend" I have ever had tells me straight in my face that I am dumb when I'm trying to say something serious to them.For example when we are talking about something and I try to say an opinion they ignore me like am not there so I cover it up with something sarcastic at they just laugh and say how stupid I am.Ive come to the realisation that I might actually be just dumb.And it's not only that they tell me this.My parents laugh about how dumb I actually am because I am preety bad at school .My friends never want to go out with me I'm the only one telling them to hangout.This make me feel very lonely.Anyways my problem is that this is making me very sad lately to the point that I don't do anything because I don't feel like I deserve to do anything cuz I'm dumb. I am failing in my sport and I've become very mean to everyone including my self.When I'm not in school I sleep.I am physically and mentay tired.I can't even think.The idea that I'm actually dumb can't leave me alone.I think being sarcastic is my way of masking?That's why they think I'm dumb cause maybe that's what I am showing to them?How do I make myself look normal?Even if I am dumb how do I make me look NORMAL.I just want a friend to take me seriously and talk with me about anything.I can listen to them i just want a friend.I am probably the problem but how do I get help?And get help for what for being dumb and autistic?lol
submitted by East_Construction857 to FriendshipAdvice [link] [comments]
2024.05.18 19:49 afterandalasia Oxventure Overall: The Good and the Bad (Spoilers for the whole run!)
So, I'm seeing some mixed reactions to the last season, and honestly I'm feeling them myself as well, so I decided to sit down and sort of breakdown and analyse some of what happened over the course of Oxventure, what seemed to go well and what didn't, and maybe try to get into some litcrit of the whole thing.
Warning: I'm not always nice in this write up, though I have done my best to be fair and honest throughout in what I think the potential pitfalls were and how I hope they might be better addressed in future campaigns.
I've played D&D myself for a few years, listened to other Actual Play series (notably NADDPOD and some D20 at one end of the competency-of-players scale, and Dragon Friends and Dungeons and Drongos at the other), and write... a lot. Including over 250k of fanfic specifically for Oxventure, which started off as an excuse for smut but ended up being a lot of worldbuilding.
It was also clear that at times, none of the group seemed to know the game and the rules super well. From Mike not knowing his movement speed ("30 what? Miles an hour?") to Merilwen not using her animal forms or changing out her spells until level 8, to the underpowering of most of the classes, it became more of an issue as time when on in some ways.
It's easy enough to understand why, live on stage and starry-eyed at Harry McEntire as Aubrey, Johnny missed that in the combat Aubrey cast two levelled spells in the same round (against the rules) as well as using two sorcery spell modifiers in the same round (also against the rules, and they mentioned this on the podcast). Sorcerer was also a new class to everyone, and dealing with a new class is always going to be difficult, especially dropping them in at a higher level rather than starting from level 1 and building up.
However, bluntly, most of the guild weren't using their class/subclass abilities to the fullest. Rules lawyer Andy did the best, so he gets a pass here, and Ellen got sharper with Merilwen over time to stuff like knowing her spell components, tracking her spell slots, and preparing her spells. However, the concept of Egbert as "a paladin who doesn't do paladin things" (quote from the post-Deadlands discussion) was ultimately really limiting not just for Egbert (Mike commented in one podcast episode that he felt he'd trapped himself in only using Egbert's abilities in ways that were funny) but for the entire concept of paladins - Max might as well have been a fighter in the fight in Gnome Alone that they took part in, and we never saw Shattershield fight at all. There were references to combat offscreen in Out of Order, but... that was it. (Additionally, while paladins can be poisoned, as poison and disease are different in 5e rules, paladins can pump out a LOT of healing, and a citadel full of them should have a lot of magical reserves to draw on as a result.)
And Egbert isn't the only one who was limited. One of the biggest features of Great Old One warlocks (which Prudence is, with Cthulhu), is that from level one they have telepathy within 30ft ("Awakened Mind"). Prudence went the entire campaign without using this. Although Johnny allowed the Message cantrip to be treated like this, allowing people to reply to it when RAW it is one-way only, this meant that Dob also essentially gained Prudence's power because he also had Message. Merilwen was limited in her animal forms and the spells that she knew up until level 8, and it was noticeable how everyone was shocked at her power once she had full RAW druid range. Corazón, on the other hand, not only had Andy keeping on top of all of his class and subclass features, but got two subclasses, leaving him about on par or slightly overpowered for the level he should have been looking overpowered because the others didn't use their abilities so well. Meanwhile, Dob was given access to full bardic abilities, but only used bardic inspiration in some of their level 1 adventures and then not much again until the final season.
The counterpart to this under-utilisation of class potential was the amount of 'rule of cool' or 'rule of funny' which sometimes worked well (Merilwen befriending the owlbear in Quiet Riot, or the reflavouring of Thunder Wave to do lightning damage instead based on their initial misunderstanding) and sometimes ended up breaking the game (the "everyone can cast Moonbeam" joke that escalated to the scrolls of Moonbeam that made the finale kind of laughable). Sometimes this seemed to be the time and audience pressure of live shows (allowing Prudence to use the hammer to wheel her way through the skeletons in Stop Hammer Time), but other times it was just letting them do things that went outside the rules (Egbert body-slamming six(?) Otherberts at once in Bad Altitude, or Dob casting all his spells at once in Corpse and Robbers) seemingly preferring the immediate humour or "yes and" over the potential internal logic or end implications.
The contrast between this permissiveness, sometimes to the point of breaking logical immersion, honestly seemed sharper to me when it was laid against Andy's GMing in Deadlands. Whether it was reminding people that there were snipers on the rooftops in Dead Man's Worth or refusing to yes-and a chandelier in More Wonders Than, he made it more difficult for the players and in doing so made them work harder within their skillsets and the setting, making the victories feel harder-won as a result. I'm aware that some people didn't like Andy's GMing specifically because he was less permissive, but I believe that his intention - and the outcome - was a stronger narrative that made the characters feel active and not just lucky. (Liliana lampshaded this in Frenemy at the Gates when she asked whether things often just fell into their laps, like with knowing Binbag, and it almost felt like a spiteful comment so it surprised me to hear it from Johnny.)
What I hope: It has been indicated that Johnny has created the new setting for the next game, so hopefully they have put things more to their liking at the beginning and will not end up seeming to dunk on the premise of their own series. I'm also hoping for everyone to either use more standardised rules, or at least establish in-game standards at the beginning so that all of the characters, and players, feel like they're on a level playing field from the off. Johnny seemed to much more enjoy the systems of Blades in the Dark and Deadlands (which were designed to be less superhero-level) and even the lower levels of Oxventure (especially Tier 1) where the characters were just people who were skilled but not particularly out of the range of normality; I'd be interested to see whether they lean more in that direction and keep the characters lower-powered as a result.
Corazón - in my opinion, Corazón had one of the stronger character arcs, which may reflect Andy's interest in writing (and now being published!), going from the coward pirate-wannabe who abandoned his crew to the curse, to the person who threw himself in front of a spell meant for Merilwen. This was highlighted in his reply to Them in Prism Break, even before the Power Word Kill spell. In fact, the Power Word Kill brought a level of pathos to the fact that he had told Them that he was not even done growing as a person. Andy commented on the podcast at some point that he had expected at the beginning to be one of the more morally shady characters (as a pirate), but found himself playing a line of being immoral regarding money but caring deeply about physical hurt or harm to people. Corazón also had two layers of in-character goals - to break the curse (limited) and to become a betterichereal pirate (more open-ended) and find his own identity which allowed him to carry character development over the years even when the curse was ignored for extended periods. Goals: clear and stepped, with the curse as a plot-hook; arc: good and perfectly timed for the finale.
What I hope for: More of the same, really.
Dob - Dob came in early with a clearly defined goal (to find his sister) - but this was done in Brawl of the Wild and Dob has been sort of... undefined ever since. It absolutely makes sense that he would have floundered for a while, but Dob has gone several years without settling on new goal, and Luke also didn't seem to settle on a character arc (the romance subplot in Orbpocalypse Saga through Bride or Die seemed to be almost a character arc, but never got full payoff?) which left Dob feeling... well, at times it almost seemed like Luke wanted to get rid of him to play someone else instead. This was unfortunately also highlighted in conversation with Them, as the response that Dob gave was about him being a "mote of chaos". I obviously couldn't speak for others, but I found this underwhelming and unconvincing as an answer, as it didn't give me any sense of why a powerful celestial being would consider this an argument - if Dob had developed the argument to be that chaos is generative and creative in a way that pure order cannot be, and/or that the free will and agency of sapience demand that they be allowed to act and to try even if they make mistakes or fail, I think there might have been something there, but he didn't really seem to. Goals: had one which formed a good plot-hook, then went without; arc: unclear.
What I hope for: Luke to determine more of a character arc, or series of shorter arcs, perhaps drawing from his Blades in the Dark DMing experience, and to either pick a more open-ended goal or to move along a series of goals over time.
Egbert - Egbert came in with the vaguer goal of "atonement", which gave him more wiggle room, but unfortunately didn't seem to actively pursue it a lot of the time. In Legacy of Dragons it was revealed that he was searching for atonement for the deaths of two Dragon D'Or members - but by this time, so many people around the Oxventurers had died, including innocent bystanders, that the deaths of two other paladins felt like nothing. (Mike commented, again on the podcast, that he agreed with the commenters at the time who agreed that they knew it was his backstory from the beginning because only two paladins had died. The two figure paled next to the collateral damage that the party later caused.) Mike also commented on the podcast that during lockdown, he had made a conscious change with Egbert in to try to avoid combat as much as possible, and to avoid fatal attacks if in combat, but it wasn't clear how long that lasted. It may have been trying to avoid being the annoying/preachy paladin that stopped him from trying to influence the rest of the party or to save lives around them, but unfortunately it meant that it was difficult to see a real sense of wanting to atone in Egbert's arc. Letting innocents die around him isn't exactly less culpable than killing them himself. (Notable incidents included Mule Be Sorry, Wrangle in the Tangle, Hag Reflex, and Squid Pro Quo.) In terms of character arcs, there was definitely an element of going from seeking approval from Dragon D'Or to seeking that of his friends, but that was just a switching of approval-seeking rather than a significant change. Goals: had one, but didn't seem to actively pursue it; arc: moved from pursuing the morals of Dragon D'Or to pursuing the morals of the Oxventurers.
What I hope for: Mike to come back with a character who seeks to pursue their own goals more directly (see Barnaby and Silas, who both felt much stronger in this sense).
Merilwen - Merilwen was supposed to be about balance and protecting nature, but didn't always heavily engage with this point of view, even when the actions of the other Oxventurers should have absolutely led to discussions or disagreements between them. Many people commented on Andy being dickish about shooting seabirds in Legacy of Dragons, but there are other incidents, including the Wrangle in the Tangle (again), Eldritch or Die Trying (where it would have been interesting to see Merilwen's preference for nature clash with the need for the crystal) and the Extinction season which seemed to veer between being set up to be about Merilwen, then swapping to Dob-centric, then cleaning up Corazon's curse. In terms of character arc, I think there might be an element that can be teased out about her not fitting in with elf society and fitting in better with the faster-paced, more chaotic world of shorter-lived peoples, but this feels like speculation on my part more than something intended. Naturally, a character of around 100 is not going to feel as suited to a coming-of-age story as younger ones, but characters of all ages should be able to have character arcs. (Even if they might be slower in longer-lived people like elves - an example I can go to here is Galadriel, from Tolkien, who in her youth was proud and refused a pardon that would have allowed her to return to Valinor, but at the end of LOTR is humble enough to accept and go there. It took millennia for her, but it was a character arc all the same!) In Merilwen's conversation with Them, her uncertainty seemed to talk to this - a lack of clarity about where her characterisation was supposed to have gone over the last few years. I think there was a real opportunity here to explore Merilwen's relationship with morality and the difference between neutrality and passiveness, which unfortunately was missed. Goals: was supposed to be about nature but didn't push for it; arc: [speculation] seeking a non-elven community that she matched better with.
What I hope for: Ellen to have a character with more defined goals or arc, or gaps still to be filled in, rather than a static momentary sketch of personality/character that doesn't feel designed to be changed over time. Again, Lilith with her secrets/looking into the paranormal, and Edie with her goal to help people in a world in which monsters aren't going away, felt stronger as characters with goals and arcs, and I'd be happy to see more of that.
Prudence - Ambitious from the off, Prudence never actually struggled for goals - power, knowledge, magic, influence. The open-endedness of these goals once again served Prudence pretty well for carrying her through individual adventures/games and over the course of the whole canon, even if she didn't come in with clearly-defined (plot hook) goals like Corazón's curse. For the first few years, it felt that her character arc wasn't hugely significant, although there was certainly an element of found family over selfishness that played into it, but Jane also discussed (again, in the podcast) how the werebear element was really quite exciting for her as it allowed her to begin to explore the clash between werebear Lawful Good status and Prudence's usual Chaotic Evil desires. Eldritch or Die Trying explored this in a somewhat exaggerated way, with Cthulhu offering power in exchange for the destruction of the others (I suspect in Prudence's question about specifying people, she was trying to figure out whether she could kill just Liliana) which was a somewhat blatant nod to the character arc but did underline it. (Unlike the others, this also established Prudence's character arc before Them.) Goals: open-ended in a way that leaves them technically incomplete even now but which were stably useful throughout canon; arc: de-isolation and alignment shifting (in a way that should have been ripe for playing off against Liliana's) which played out well.
What I hope for: A character with perhaps some more specific or plot-hook goals as well as broader life goals. Prudence's character arc played out more subtly than Corazón's and sometimes perhaps got lost behind the louder personalities of some of the others, but I do think was well done. A less obvious way to explore or demonstrate it would have been nice.
Liliana - So. Here we go. Liliana was essentially a DMPC for the last season, but was a recurring character before that, with a stated goal of subjecting part or all of G'eth and broader goals (indicated or stated in Prism Break and the finale season generally) of academic/scholarly improvement, arcane knowledge, and the notion of making people appreciate what they have by threatening to take it from them. As a villain, she was threatening, and the layering of goals once again worked here, even with the abrupt movement to 'save G'eth' in the last season because, well, you can't rule what no longer exists. However, I am honestly confused as to what her character arc was supposed to be - whether her stated change of heart in front of Them was real, or whether that was a lie that Them somehow did not call out or challenge. Considering in Frenemy at the Gates, Liliana says that Prudence is the most like her, there was a potential here to play against Prudence's character arc of coming to trust others, even appreciate others, and facing the consequences of suffering making her realise her own flawed logic. I really do not know whether her betrayal of the guild was planned from the beginning (in which case, her talking to Them feels like it was overplayed, and Them should have challenged her on it) or whether Johnny added it because the fight against the giant was over more quickly than anticipated (compare to Dine Hard where the chef was the one person they did not stat up because they didn't expect the guild to fight him). Goals: logical, stepped, and worked for a villain; arc: ????? was there an arc? Was it fake? Was it desperation? Why did she, on 1 hitpoint, try to Power Word Kill Prudence instead of Teleporting away?
What I hope for: I don't know, with this one, really. Liliana's weird arc feels more related to the odd pacing of the last season than an underlying characterisation issue, for me, so I think it's more related to pacing/wanting Oxventure campaign 1 to close out.
I say specifically players here, because it was entirely in-character for certain characters (largely Corazón) to think of themselves as the main character and behave as such. However, even if the characters think that, is generally considered good etiquette for the players to treat each other as equals, let each other take turns in the spotlight, and have their Moments.
Good examples would be the group letting Merilwen be the main character in Peak Performance, Prudence explore her sundered relationship with Cthulhu during the Orbpocalypse Saga, or Dob showing off his acting bard chops in Dine Harder.
However, at various times, various people have overstepped. Sometimes in live shows where the audience response and excitement probably played a role (Rolling in the Deep) it's more understandable, but it also happened elsewhere. Mike got some flack for picking up the eyepatch at the end of Cursed Case Scenario and 'ruining' Corazón's moment, but even Johnny called Andy out for muscling in on Dob's subplot in Court in the Act, and Life Finds a Dob was almost uncomfortable at times. There was also something of a trend of Dob deliberately acting against the party for unclear reasons (possibly meant to be humour?) - either running away from them in Life Finds a Dob, refusing to 'share' Corazon's body in Portal Combat, or his contrary behaviour in Hunter Pressure in not wanting to fight the hunters/murderers they were facing.
I'm not sure whether this trend of contrariness fed into the unclear character arc that I mentioned above, or the other way around, or whether the two just fed into each other.
The most extreme example of this was, undoubtedly, Dob jumping in on the shoot-off between Liliana and Prudence right at the end of Portal Combat. Liliana approached Prudence in Frenemy at the Gates because they were the most alike. Prudence was the one with the first kill of the whole campaign, using Eldritch Blast, against the party's wishes and Corazón's protests specifically - how appropriate would it have been for her to get the last kill of the campaign, with Eldritch Blast, in defense of herself and her party and as retribution for Corazón? But instead, Luke inserted Dob into the standoff and Johnny played into it, even to the absurd extent of letting the skeletons use Time Stop (a 9th Level spell) just to explain why Dob's whole conversation with them could take place faster than Prudence could fire off an eldritch blast. Corazón's self-sacrifice and Merilwen's reveal of her Reincarnation spell was therefore also partially overshadowed by Dob sacrificing his magic for one more hitpoint of damage on Liliana rather than letting Prudence have her moment.
What I hope for: some of the lessons learned from other campaigns to lead the players to be better at taking turns, both in terms of people not trying to be the Main Character at inappropriate moments, players stepping up and into the leading role when it is appropriate for them to do so, and Johnny more actively monitoring the balance between the players and shutting down some of the more egregious behaviour
But it's consistency that is more of a sticking point, as well as the player treatment of the moral positions of the party. It's hard to know how to treat the morals of the party when they vary from letting a town burn for being slightly annoying (Mule Be Sorry) to most of the team being ready to forgive a hag who used to eat human(oid) children (Hag Reflex). This isn't just the players either - Stop Hammer Time used the murder of children as a joke, and marked a change in tone for the treatment of NPCs and civilians as not mattering compared to the preferences or comfort of the main characters. The skeletons killing the children wasn't even some sort of monkey's paw scenario about asking for there to be no more orphans in the town, either - it was just nasty shock value, in many ways. And playing this sort of thing for humour makes it quite hard to handle some of the rest of the series as a result.
There also felt like a dissonance, at times, between the objective morality of the characters and how the players seemed to want them to be treated. Prudence never claimed to be anything other than evil, from shooting someone with eldritch blast during the Spicy Rat Caper to enjoying Hammerdahl's necromancy in Extinction - Jane even indicated that she wanted to explore shifting Prudence's alignment post-Fast and the Furriest, which can be seen as Prudence is much less interested in random acts of destruction and seems quite happy to get her kicks scaring or torturing people (Silent Knight) or watching the gruesome spectacle at the end of Knight Shift. So Jane's plans matched Prudence's behaviour - a softening of her deliberately evil acts, but still happy to let others be evil.
For the others, though, it didn't always match. Merilwen's "True Neutral" label often felt more like passively letting her party members be evil, rather than actively seeking balance, Egbert was supposed to be on the search for atonement but regularly allowed or took part in atrocities, and Dob seemed more inclined to act on what the audience or Luke thought was funny (or even deliberately seeking to be contrary) rather than following a consistent attitude to morality. His vaguely annoyed "Skeletons!" and hands on hips in return to "It's orphans, boss" was clearly played for laughs, and in Mule Be Sorry he turns on the town easily, which then makes it feel strange when in Hag Reflex he objects to letting the hag live. Dob's infatuation with Liliana and Katie Pearlhead, both of whom have killed or caused the deaths of great numbers of people, also makes it harder to take his claims to morality at all seriously. The potential moral issues of Merilwen killing the Otherberts to prevent them from taking a message to Liliana (Bad Altitude) is turned into accusing her of "war crimes", but it is absurd in the face of how many other innocent bystanders the guild had killed or caused to die in other stories (from as early as Quiet Riot, in which the paladins were annoying but killing them was honestly overboard, to as late as Squid Pro Quo where Dob seemed to forget that five people had died and then brushed off the deaths).
NPCs also got hit by this at times, from the town mayor in Mule Be Sorry (again) who put his townsfolk on spike growth just to cross it, to the chef in Dine Harder who was abruptly made a cannibal to get a fight going, to the decay of morally Good characters like Captain Shattershield turning away from the Upside Down Mistmire when in his first appearance he had been willing to fight Death itself for being on Mistmire's grounds. It's hard to take seriously moral questions about keeping the Dragon Under Mistmire in its shelter, and the accidentally-caused deaths of two paladins, when the guild has been responsible for much worse.
What I hope for: an approach to morality that does not prioritise momentary humour over consistency; evil behaviour to be acknowledged as evil and owned rather than treated as protagonist-centric; a moral balance which makes it possible to really explore moral issues and concerns rather than extreme behaviour which then makes it impossible to treat conflict seriously. Legacy of Dragons, as a standalone arc seeking Egbert's redemption, exploring the protection vs freedom of the gold dragon, and considering how to improve vs break systems, had some really great potential - but because of extreme 'rule of funny' behaviour in the past, it was impossible to really feel that it had the moral gravitas and weight that it deserved. When the skeletons go from murdering a dozen innocent children (Stop Hammer Time) to giving Merilwen a bad haircut (Mean Gulls) and this is almost treated as somehow consistent in evilness, it makes it harder to respect the characters or the expectation of moral standards.
The Good: The humour, the quick-wittedness, the variety of stories. Roleplaying moments such as Egbert and Shattershield in Legacy of Dragons, Corazón putting his old self behind him at the Curse Hole, or Merilwen saying "I'll make you" to Vex.
The Bad: Unclear character arcs, inconsistent moralities, underpowered classes but at the same time game-breakingly permissive DMing, and some Main Character Syndrome moments.
The Hope: Learning from teething issues and setting up a game system that the DM doesn't resent so much, to better enable people to balance and play off each other in a less jarring and more consistent way.
submitted by afterandalasia to TheOxventure [link] [comments]
Warning: I'm not always nice in this write up, though I have done my best to be fair and honest throughout in what I think the potential pitfalls were and how I hope they might be better addressed in future campaigns.
I've played D&D myself for a few years, listened to other Actual Play series (notably NADDPOD and some D20 at one end of the competency-of-players scale, and Dragon Friends and Dungeons and Drongos at the other), and write... a lot. Including over 250k of fanfic specifically for Oxventure, which started off as an excuse for smut but ended up being a lot of worldbuilding.
System & Setting
Johnny has made no secret that they're not a huge fan of D&D, indicating that they feel it overshadows other systems, and given that the Spicy Rat Caper was meant to be a one-off but fans loved it perhaps they felt a little trapped in the system. This did lead to some funny moments (Faire Trial and Max commenting that they sometimes felt "like a big dice rolling around a tray" sticks with me) but sometimes felt a bit mean-spirited ("Crawl Me Maybe" and the heavy 'lol dungeon crawling is so ridiculous' comes to mind).It was also clear that at times, none of the group seemed to know the game and the rules super well. From Mike not knowing his movement speed ("30 what? Miles an hour?") to Merilwen not using her animal forms or changing out her spells until level 8, to the underpowering of most of the classes, it became more of an issue as time when on in some ways.
It's easy enough to understand why, live on stage and starry-eyed at Harry McEntire as Aubrey, Johnny missed that in the combat Aubrey cast two levelled spells in the same round (against the rules) as well as using two sorcery spell modifiers in the same round (also against the rules, and they mentioned this on the podcast). Sorcerer was also a new class to everyone, and dealing with a new class is always going to be difficult, especially dropping them in at a higher level rather than starting from level 1 and building up.
However, bluntly, most of the guild weren't using their class/subclass abilities to the fullest. Rules lawyer Andy did the best, so he gets a pass here, and Ellen got sharper with Merilwen over time to stuff like knowing her spell components, tracking her spell slots, and preparing her spells. However, the concept of Egbert as "a paladin who doesn't do paladin things" (quote from the post-Deadlands discussion) was ultimately really limiting not just for Egbert (Mike commented in one podcast episode that he felt he'd trapped himself in only using Egbert's abilities in ways that were funny) but for the entire concept of paladins - Max might as well have been a fighter in the fight in Gnome Alone that they took part in, and we never saw Shattershield fight at all. There were references to combat offscreen in Out of Order, but... that was it. (Additionally, while paladins can be poisoned, as poison and disease are different in 5e rules, paladins can pump out a LOT of healing, and a citadel full of them should have a lot of magical reserves to draw on as a result.)
And Egbert isn't the only one who was limited. One of the biggest features of Great Old One warlocks (which Prudence is, with Cthulhu), is that from level one they have telepathy within 30ft ("Awakened Mind"). Prudence went the entire campaign without using this. Although Johnny allowed the Message cantrip to be treated like this, allowing people to reply to it when RAW it is one-way only, this meant that Dob also essentially gained Prudence's power because he also had Message. Merilwen was limited in her animal forms and the spells that she knew up until level 8, and it was noticeable how everyone was shocked at her power once she had full RAW druid range. Corazón, on the other hand, not only had Andy keeping on top of all of his class and subclass features, but got two subclasses, leaving him about on par or slightly overpowered for the level he should have been looking overpowered because the others didn't use their abilities so well. Meanwhile, Dob was given access to full bardic abilities, but only used bardic inspiration in some of their level 1 adventures and then not much again until the final season.
The counterpart to this under-utilisation of class potential was the amount of 'rule of cool' or 'rule of funny' which sometimes worked well (Merilwen befriending the owlbear in Quiet Riot, or the reflavouring of Thunder Wave to do lightning damage instead based on their initial misunderstanding) and sometimes ended up breaking the game (the "everyone can cast Moonbeam" joke that escalated to the scrolls of Moonbeam that made the finale kind of laughable). Sometimes this seemed to be the time and audience pressure of live shows (allowing Prudence to use the hammer to wheel her way through the skeletons in Stop Hammer Time), but other times it was just letting them do things that went outside the rules (Egbert body-slamming six(?) Otherberts at once in Bad Altitude, or Dob casting all his spells at once in Corpse and Robbers) seemingly preferring the immediate humour or "yes and" over the potential internal logic or end implications.
The contrast between this permissiveness, sometimes to the point of breaking logical immersion, honestly seemed sharper to me when it was laid against Andy's GMing in Deadlands. Whether it was reminding people that there were snipers on the rooftops in Dead Man's Worth or refusing to yes-and a chandelier in More Wonders Than, he made it more difficult for the players and in doing so made them work harder within their skillsets and the setting, making the victories feel harder-won as a result. I'm aware that some people didn't like Andy's GMing specifically because he was less permissive, but I believe that his intention - and the outcome - was a stronger narrative that made the characters feel active and not just lucky. (Liliana lampshaded this in Frenemy at the Gates when she asked whether things often just fell into their laps, like with knowing Binbag, and it almost felt like a spiteful comment so it surprised me to hear it from Johnny.)
What I hope: It has been indicated that Johnny has created the new setting for the next game, so hopefully they have put things more to their liking at the beginning and will not end up seeming to dunk on the premise of their own series. I'm also hoping for everyone to either use more standardised rules, or at least establish in-game standards at the beginning so that all of the characters, and players, feel like they're on a level playing field from the off. Johnny seemed to much more enjoy the systems of Blades in the Dark and Deadlands (which were designed to be less superhero-level) and even the lower levels of Oxventure (especially Tier 1) where the characters were just people who were skilled but not particularly out of the range of normality; I'd be interested to see whether they lean more in that direction and keep the characters lower-powered as a result.
Characters & Character Arcs
Again, it's worth noting that the characters were initially conceived as being for a one-off game, so the initial concepts did not necessarily need planned arcs. However, the rockiness of some of the arcs overall may have contributed to issues with the series, especially as it stretched out over so many years. I'll go through the PCs alphabetically, then Liliana, then mention any other NPCs. There are two elements here - in-character goals, and character arc goals, which both play into things.Corazón - in my opinion, Corazón had one of the stronger character arcs, which may reflect Andy's interest in writing (and now being published!), going from the coward pirate-wannabe who abandoned his crew to the curse, to the person who threw himself in front of a spell meant for Merilwen. This was highlighted in his reply to Them in Prism Break, even before the Power Word Kill spell. In fact, the Power Word Kill brought a level of pathos to the fact that he had told Them that he was not even done growing as a person. Andy commented on the podcast at some point that he had expected at the beginning to be one of the more morally shady characters (as a pirate), but found himself playing a line of being immoral regarding money but caring deeply about physical hurt or harm to people. Corazón also had two layers of in-character goals - to break the curse (limited) and to become a betterichereal pirate (more open-ended) and find his own identity which allowed him to carry character development over the years even when the curse was ignored for extended periods. Goals: clear and stepped, with the curse as a plot-hook; arc: good and perfectly timed for the finale.
What I hope for: More of the same, really.
Dob - Dob came in early with a clearly defined goal (to find his sister) - but this was done in Brawl of the Wild and Dob has been sort of... undefined ever since. It absolutely makes sense that he would have floundered for a while, but Dob has gone several years without settling on new goal, and Luke also didn't seem to settle on a character arc (the romance subplot in Orbpocalypse Saga through Bride or Die seemed to be almost a character arc, but never got full payoff?) which left Dob feeling... well, at times it almost seemed like Luke wanted to get rid of him to play someone else instead. This was unfortunately also highlighted in conversation with Them, as the response that Dob gave was about him being a "mote of chaos". I obviously couldn't speak for others, but I found this underwhelming and unconvincing as an answer, as it didn't give me any sense of why a powerful celestial being would consider this an argument - if Dob had developed the argument to be that chaos is generative and creative in a way that pure order cannot be, and/or that the free will and agency of sapience demand that they be allowed to act and to try even if they make mistakes or fail, I think there might have been something there, but he didn't really seem to. Goals: had one which formed a good plot-hook, then went without; arc: unclear.
What I hope for: Luke to determine more of a character arc, or series of shorter arcs, perhaps drawing from his Blades in the Dark DMing experience, and to either pick a more open-ended goal or to move along a series of goals over time.
Egbert - Egbert came in with the vaguer goal of "atonement", which gave him more wiggle room, but unfortunately didn't seem to actively pursue it a lot of the time. In Legacy of Dragons it was revealed that he was searching for atonement for the deaths of two Dragon D'Or members - but by this time, so many people around the Oxventurers had died, including innocent bystanders, that the deaths of two other paladins felt like nothing. (Mike commented, again on the podcast, that he agreed with the commenters at the time who agreed that they knew it was his backstory from the beginning because only two paladins had died. The two figure paled next to the collateral damage that the party later caused.) Mike also commented on the podcast that during lockdown, he had made a conscious change with Egbert in to try to avoid combat as much as possible, and to avoid fatal attacks if in combat, but it wasn't clear how long that lasted. It may have been trying to avoid being the annoying/preachy paladin that stopped him from trying to influence the rest of the party or to save lives around them, but unfortunately it meant that it was difficult to see a real sense of wanting to atone in Egbert's arc. Letting innocents die around him isn't exactly less culpable than killing them himself. (Notable incidents included Mule Be Sorry, Wrangle in the Tangle, Hag Reflex, and Squid Pro Quo.) In terms of character arcs, there was definitely an element of going from seeking approval from Dragon D'Or to seeking that of his friends, but that was just a switching of approval-seeking rather than a significant change. Goals: had one, but didn't seem to actively pursue it; arc: moved from pursuing the morals of Dragon D'Or to pursuing the morals of the Oxventurers.
What I hope for: Mike to come back with a character who seeks to pursue their own goals more directly (see Barnaby and Silas, who both felt much stronger in this sense).
Merilwen - Merilwen was supposed to be about balance and protecting nature, but didn't always heavily engage with this point of view, even when the actions of the other Oxventurers should have absolutely led to discussions or disagreements between them. Many people commented on Andy being dickish about shooting seabirds in Legacy of Dragons, but there are other incidents, including the Wrangle in the Tangle (again), Eldritch or Die Trying (where it would have been interesting to see Merilwen's preference for nature clash with the need for the crystal) and the Extinction season which seemed to veer between being set up to be about Merilwen, then swapping to Dob-centric, then cleaning up Corazon's curse. In terms of character arc, I think there might be an element that can be teased out about her not fitting in with elf society and fitting in better with the faster-paced, more chaotic world of shorter-lived peoples, but this feels like speculation on my part more than something intended. Naturally, a character of around 100 is not going to feel as suited to a coming-of-age story as younger ones, but characters of all ages should be able to have character arcs. (Even if they might be slower in longer-lived people like elves - an example I can go to here is Galadriel, from Tolkien, who in her youth was proud and refused a pardon that would have allowed her to return to Valinor, but at the end of LOTR is humble enough to accept and go there. It took millennia for her, but it was a character arc all the same!) In Merilwen's conversation with Them, her uncertainty seemed to talk to this - a lack of clarity about where her characterisation was supposed to have gone over the last few years. I think there was a real opportunity here to explore Merilwen's relationship with morality and the difference between neutrality and passiveness, which unfortunately was missed. Goals: was supposed to be about nature but didn't push for it; arc: [speculation] seeking a non-elven community that she matched better with.
What I hope for: Ellen to have a character with more defined goals or arc, or gaps still to be filled in, rather than a static momentary sketch of personality/character that doesn't feel designed to be changed over time. Again, Lilith with her secrets/looking into the paranormal, and Edie with her goal to help people in a world in which monsters aren't going away, felt stronger as characters with goals and arcs, and I'd be happy to see more of that.
Prudence - Ambitious from the off, Prudence never actually struggled for goals - power, knowledge, magic, influence. The open-endedness of these goals once again served Prudence pretty well for carrying her through individual adventures/games and over the course of the whole canon, even if she didn't come in with clearly-defined (plot hook) goals like Corazón's curse. For the first few years, it felt that her character arc wasn't hugely significant, although there was certainly an element of found family over selfishness that played into it, but Jane also discussed (again, in the podcast) how the werebear element was really quite exciting for her as it allowed her to begin to explore the clash between werebear Lawful Good status and Prudence's usual Chaotic Evil desires. Eldritch or Die Trying explored this in a somewhat exaggerated way, with Cthulhu offering power in exchange for the destruction of the others (I suspect in Prudence's question about specifying people, she was trying to figure out whether she could kill just Liliana) which was a somewhat blatant nod to the character arc but did underline it. (Unlike the others, this also established Prudence's character arc before Them.) Goals: open-ended in a way that leaves them technically incomplete even now but which were stably useful throughout canon; arc: de-isolation and alignment shifting (in a way that should have been ripe for playing off against Liliana's) which played out well.
What I hope for: A character with perhaps some more specific or plot-hook goals as well as broader life goals. Prudence's character arc played out more subtly than Corazón's and sometimes perhaps got lost behind the louder personalities of some of the others, but I do think was well done. A less obvious way to explore or demonstrate it would have been nice.
Liliana - So. Here we go. Liliana was essentially a DMPC for the last season, but was a recurring character before that, with a stated goal of subjecting part or all of G'eth and broader goals (indicated or stated in Prism Break and the finale season generally) of academic/scholarly improvement, arcane knowledge, and the notion of making people appreciate what they have by threatening to take it from them. As a villain, she was threatening, and the layering of goals once again worked here, even with the abrupt movement to 'save G'eth' in the last season because, well, you can't rule what no longer exists. However, I am honestly confused as to what her character arc was supposed to be - whether her stated change of heart in front of Them was real, or whether that was a lie that Them somehow did not call out or challenge. Considering in Frenemy at the Gates, Liliana says that Prudence is the most like her, there was a potential here to play against Prudence's character arc of coming to trust others, even appreciate others, and facing the consequences of suffering making her realise her own flawed logic. I really do not know whether her betrayal of the guild was planned from the beginning (in which case, her talking to Them feels like it was overplayed, and Them should have challenged her on it) or whether Johnny added it because the fight against the giant was over more quickly than anticipated (compare to Dine Hard where the chef was the one person they did not stat up because they didn't expect the guild to fight him). Goals: logical, stepped, and worked for a villain; arc: ????? was there an arc? Was it fake? Was it desperation? Why did she, on 1 hitpoint, try to Power Word Kill Prudence instead of Teleporting away?
What I hope for: I don't know, with this one, really. Liliana's weird arc feels more related to the odd pacing of the last season than an underlying characterisation issue, for me, so I think it's more related to pacing/wanting Oxventure campaign 1 to close out.
Player Etiquette
...okay, this one is going to be a little bit harsh, perhaps. But the main campaign, more than either Blades in the Dark or Deadlands, really suffered from certain players having a bout of Main Character Syndrome.I say specifically players here, because it was entirely in-character for certain characters (largely Corazón) to think of themselves as the main character and behave as such. However, even if the characters think that, is generally considered good etiquette for the players to treat each other as equals, let each other take turns in the spotlight, and have their Moments.
Good examples would be the group letting Merilwen be the main character in Peak Performance, Prudence explore her sundered relationship with Cthulhu during the Orbpocalypse Saga, or Dob showing off his acting bard chops in Dine Harder.
However, at various times, various people have overstepped. Sometimes in live shows where the audience response and excitement probably played a role (Rolling in the Deep) it's more understandable, but it also happened elsewhere. Mike got some flack for picking up the eyepatch at the end of Cursed Case Scenario and 'ruining' Corazón's moment, but even Johnny called Andy out for muscling in on Dob's subplot in Court in the Act, and Life Finds a Dob was almost uncomfortable at times. There was also something of a trend of Dob deliberately acting against the party for unclear reasons (possibly meant to be humour?) - either running away from them in Life Finds a Dob, refusing to 'share' Corazon's body in Portal Combat, or his contrary behaviour in Hunter Pressure in not wanting to fight the hunters/murderers they were facing.
I'm not sure whether this trend of contrariness fed into the unclear character arc that I mentioned above, or the other way around, or whether the two just fed into each other.
The most extreme example of this was, undoubtedly, Dob jumping in on the shoot-off between Liliana and Prudence right at the end of Portal Combat. Liliana approached Prudence in Frenemy at the Gates because they were the most alike. Prudence was the one with the first kill of the whole campaign, using Eldritch Blast, against the party's wishes and Corazón's protests specifically - how appropriate would it have been for her to get the last kill of the campaign, with Eldritch Blast, in defense of herself and her party and as retribution for Corazón? But instead, Luke inserted Dob into the standoff and Johnny played into it, even to the absurd extent of letting the skeletons use Time Stop (a 9th Level spell) just to explain why Dob's whole conversation with them could take place faster than Prudence could fire off an eldritch blast. Corazón's self-sacrifice and Merilwen's reveal of her Reincarnation spell was therefore also partially overshadowed by Dob sacrificing his magic for one more hitpoint of damage on Liliana rather than letting Prudence have her moment.
What I hope for: some of the lessons learned from other campaigns to lead the players to be better at taking turns, both in terms of people not trying to be the Main Character at inappropriate moments, players stepping up and into the leading role when it is appropriate for them to do so, and Johnny more actively monitoring the balance between the players and shutting down some of the more egregious behaviour
Morality
This... isn't actually going to be complaining about characters behaving immorally or even being evil. Prudence is honestly a great example of how to play an evil character in a way that doesn't break a party, while Corazón works as being immoral about money but moral about hurting people (at least most of the time). I've also thoroughly enjoyed some other games in which the characters have been far from moral (NADDPOD's Trinyvale series is a good example of this - the characters are scam artists, grifters and egotists, and the DM commented that "character growth doesn't have to be positive!"; they complain the entire time while saving the world).But it's consistency that is more of a sticking point, as well as the player treatment of the moral positions of the party. It's hard to know how to treat the morals of the party when they vary from letting a town burn for being slightly annoying (Mule Be Sorry) to most of the team being ready to forgive a hag who used to eat human(oid) children (Hag Reflex). This isn't just the players either - Stop Hammer Time used the murder of children as a joke, and marked a change in tone for the treatment of NPCs and civilians as not mattering compared to the preferences or comfort of the main characters. The skeletons killing the children wasn't even some sort of monkey's paw scenario about asking for there to be no more orphans in the town, either - it was just nasty shock value, in many ways. And playing this sort of thing for humour makes it quite hard to handle some of the rest of the series as a result.
There also felt like a dissonance, at times, between the objective morality of the characters and how the players seemed to want them to be treated. Prudence never claimed to be anything other than evil, from shooting someone with eldritch blast during the Spicy Rat Caper to enjoying Hammerdahl's necromancy in Extinction - Jane even indicated that she wanted to explore shifting Prudence's alignment post-Fast and the Furriest, which can be seen as Prudence is much less interested in random acts of destruction and seems quite happy to get her kicks scaring or torturing people (Silent Knight) or watching the gruesome spectacle at the end of Knight Shift. So Jane's plans matched Prudence's behaviour - a softening of her deliberately evil acts, but still happy to let others be evil.
For the others, though, it didn't always match. Merilwen's "True Neutral" label often felt more like passively letting her party members be evil, rather than actively seeking balance, Egbert was supposed to be on the search for atonement but regularly allowed or took part in atrocities, and Dob seemed more inclined to act on what the audience or Luke thought was funny (or even deliberately seeking to be contrary) rather than following a consistent attitude to morality. His vaguely annoyed "Skeletons!" and hands on hips in return to "It's orphans, boss" was clearly played for laughs, and in Mule Be Sorry he turns on the town easily, which then makes it feel strange when in Hag Reflex he objects to letting the hag live. Dob's infatuation with Liliana and Katie Pearlhead, both of whom have killed or caused the deaths of great numbers of people, also makes it harder to take his claims to morality at all seriously. The potential moral issues of Merilwen killing the Otherberts to prevent them from taking a message to Liliana (Bad Altitude) is turned into accusing her of "war crimes", but it is absurd in the face of how many other innocent bystanders the guild had killed or caused to die in other stories (from as early as Quiet Riot, in which the paladins were annoying but killing them was honestly overboard, to as late as Squid Pro Quo where Dob seemed to forget that five people had died and then brushed off the deaths).
NPCs also got hit by this at times, from the town mayor in Mule Be Sorry (again) who put his townsfolk on spike growth just to cross it, to the chef in Dine Harder who was abruptly made a cannibal to get a fight going, to the decay of morally Good characters like Captain Shattershield turning away from the Upside Down Mistmire when in his first appearance he had been willing to fight Death itself for being on Mistmire's grounds. It's hard to take seriously moral questions about keeping the Dragon Under Mistmire in its shelter, and the accidentally-caused deaths of two paladins, when the guild has been responsible for much worse.
What I hope for: an approach to morality that does not prioritise momentary humour over consistency; evil behaviour to be acknowledged as evil and owned rather than treated as protagonist-centric; a moral balance which makes it possible to really explore moral issues and concerns rather than extreme behaviour which then makes it impossible to treat conflict seriously. Legacy of Dragons, as a standalone arc seeking Egbert's redemption, exploring the protection vs freedom of the gold dragon, and considering how to improve vs break systems, had some really great potential - but because of extreme 'rule of funny' behaviour in the past, it was impossible to really feel that it had the moral gravitas and weight that it deserved. When the skeletons go from murdering a dozen innocent children (Stop Hammer Time) to giving Merilwen a bad haircut (Mean Gulls) and this is almost treated as somehow consistent in evilness, it makes it harder to respect the characters or the expectation of moral standards.
The Good: The humour, the quick-wittedness, the variety of stories. Roleplaying moments such as Egbert and Shattershield in Legacy of Dragons, Corazón putting his old self behind him at the Curse Hole, or Merilwen saying "I'll make you" to Vex.
The Bad: Unclear character arcs, inconsistent moralities, underpowered classes but at the same time game-breakingly permissive DMing, and some Main Character Syndrome moments.
The Hope: Learning from teething issues and setting up a game system that the DM doesn't resent so much, to better enable people to balance and play off each other in a less jarring and more consistent way.
2024.05.18 19:47 TechieSusie So much for gentleness and thoughtfulness - kind to others TW - Trying to Conceive/Miscarriage
 | This is a prime example of sad fishing, her being hypocritical, and fudging timelines. I screen recorded this months ago but just got around to doing this post. The first part of the video is her sad fishing about people being mean and not being able to cook and yada yada yada. I really dislike how she says be gentle and kind and thoughtful which she seems to totally ignore when she says “see I was blessed” just so gross that she throws it in people’s faces. This video was posted June 2020 at the height of her TTC sadfishing and crying about being bullied by teenagers making Pockets of Piss videos. The second part of the video seems to be recorded in November 2020 - (Facebook allows you to edit and add video to previous posts and does not change the date) She talks about how her “sugars” (diabetes) is out of control and she is advised not to try and conceive. That the doc said maybe in February but really wanted 6 months of time to get her diabetes under control. (Just a reminder - she had COVID in May 2020 and supposedly took a break while dealing with “long haulers COVID” another victim card she claimed to have in October 2020 though her IG feed and FB says otherwise.) By June 1 she announced she was 5 weeks pregnant then 1 week later miscarried. Then they were going to do IVF but claims she got pregnant and had to cancel the IVF appointment- just doing calendar 40 week math (back from March 16 22) that means she was pregnant with A1 within 1-2 weeks of her miscarriage. Just strange timeline. Because if you have your IVF appointment to harvest eggs you are taking hormones to boost egg production. (Natural pregnancies- cough cough bullshit) I love how she talks about eating better and her pantry and the food will be totally different- I really think she has food addiction issues and coupled with the diabetes and PCOS really struggles. I just wish she had the same compassion for others that she asks for from others. So much for using her TTC and pregnancies as an excuse not to diet and exercise - it sounds like the doctors were begging her to get healthy. submitted by TechieSusie to nabelasnark [link] [comments] |
2024.05.18 19:43 DutyTop8086 How Much Money Do I Need to Start an FBA Business on Amazon?
1. Amazon Store Rent
First, let's talk about the monthly rent for an Amazon store. Registering an Amazon store is free, but using a company registration instead of a personal one is recommended. This approach is safer and has a higher approval rate. After registering, you can choose between an Individual account and a Professional account.
Individual Account: This account has no monthly fee, but you'll pay Amazon $0.99 for each item you sell. It’s suitable for sellers who are just starting out and have lower sales volumes.
Professional Account: This account costs $39.99 per month, but you won’t pay a fee per sale. This option is more cost-effective if you sell more than 40 items per month.
Recommendation: If you’re just starting and your sales are low, opt for the Individual account. As your sales increase and you consistently sell more than 40 items per month, switch to the Professional account to save on per-item fees.
Popular Paid Tools: JungleScout and Helium10
JungleScout: Priced at $49/month, JungleScout is widely recognized for its comprehensive suite of tools designed to help sellers identify profitable products, estimate sales, and analyze competition. Its features include:
Product Database: Allows you to filter products based on various criteria like price, sales, and competition.
Product Tracker: Helps track the performance of potential products over time.
Keyword Scout: Provides keyword research and optimization suggestions to enhance product listings.
Sales Analytics: Offers insights into sales trends and revenue estimates.
Helium10: At $79/month, Helium10 is another powerful tool that provides a wide range of functionalities for Amazon sellers. Key features include:
Black Box: A product research tool that allows you to find profitable niches.
Xray: A Chrome extension that gives you a quick overview of product performance metrics directly on Amazon.
Keyword Research: Tools like Cerebro and Magnet help you discover and optimize for high-ranking keywords.
Listing Optimization: Features like Scribbles and Index Checker ensure your product listings are optimized for maximum visibility.
Free Tool: 4SELLER
4SELLER: For those who are looking for a budget-friendly option, 4SELLER is a free tool that offers a robust set of features to aid in product selection and management. It includes:
Product Selection: Assists in identifying profitable products by analyzing market trends and competition.
Inventory Management: Helps track inventory levels, forecast demand, and manage stock efficiently to prevent overstocking or stockouts.
Supplier Finder: Aids in locating reliable suppliers, which is essential for maintaining product quality and consistency.
Why Product Selection Tools are Essential
Using product selection tools is vital because they provide data-driven insights that help you make informed decisions. These tools can save you time and reduce the risk of choosing products that may not sell well. They offer features that allow you to:
Identify Trends: By analyzing market data, these tools help you stay ahead of trends and capitalize on emerging opportunities.
Evaluate Competition: Understanding your competition is crucial. These tools provide detailed analysis of competitors' products, pricing strategies, and sales performance.
Optimize Listings: Well-optimized product listings are more likely to attract buyers. These tools offer keyword research and listing optimization features that improve your product's visibility on e-commerce platforms.
Manage Inventory: Efficient inventory management ensures you have the right products available at the right time, which is crucial for maintaining customer satisfaction and maximizing sales.
Whether you opt for a paid tool like JungleScout or Helium10, or a free option like 4SELLER, leveraging these tools can significantly enhance your ability to select profitable products, manage inventory effectively, and optimize your listings for better performance.
3. Initial Stock Costs
Purchasing your first batch of products involves a significant initial investment, and the amount required can vary widely depending on the type of products you choose to sell. Here’s a detailed breakdown of what to consider when estimating your initial stock costs:
Factors Influencing Initial Stock Costs
Product Type and Price: The nature of the products you choose to sell will greatly influence your initial costs. Higher-priced items tend to have less competition but require a larger upfront investment. Conversely, cheaper products are more budget-friendly but often come with higher competition.
Quantity: The number of units you decide to purchase initially is another major factor. A common recommendation for new sellers is to start with 200-500 units. This range allows you to test the market demand without overcommitting financially.
Calculating Initial Costs
To estimate your initial stock costs, you need to multiply the quantity of units by the purchase price per unit. Here’s a simplified formula:
Initial Stock Cost=Quantity×Purchase Price per UnitInitial Stock Cost=Quantity×Purchase Price per Unit
For instance, if you decide to buy 300 units of a product that costs $5 per unit, your initial stock cost would be:
300 units×$5/unit=$1,500300 units×$5/unit=$1,500
Typical Budget Ranges for New Sellers
Low Budget: If you’re starting with a tighter budget, you might opt for products with a lower purchase price. For example, if you choose items costing around $2 per unit and purchase 200 units, your initial cost would be $400.
Moderate Budget: A more common range for new sellers is between $1,000 and $3,000. This allows for a balance between purchasing a reasonable quantity of units and managing the risk of unsold inventory. For example, buying 400 units at $5 per unit would total $2,000.
Higher Budget: With a larger budget, you can consider higher-priced items that might have less competition. For instance, purchasing 300 units at $10 per unit would result in an initial cost of $3,000.
Why Initial Stock Costs are Important
Understanding and planning for initial stock costs is critical because it ensures you are adequately prepared for the financial outlay required to launch your business. Here are a few reasons why this is essential:
Market Testing: Buying an appropriate number of units allows you to test market demand without over-investing. This way, you can gauge the product's popularity and adjust future orders accordingly.
Cash Flow Management: Proper planning helps manage your cash flow effectively. Ensuring you have enough funds to cover initial stock costs, along with other expenses like marketing and shipping, is crucial for maintaining business operations.
Risk Mitigation: Starting with a moderate quantity of units helps minimize the risk of unsold inventory, which can tie up capital and lead to losses. It’s better to start small, analyze performance, and scale up gradually.
Carefully estimating and planning for your initial stock costs is a vital step in setting up your e-commerce business. By understanding the factors that influence these costs and budgeting accordingly, you can make informed decisions that set the foundation for a successful venture. Whether you have a limited budget or can invest more significantly, strategic planning will help you manage risks and maximize your chances of success.
4. UPC Codes
UPC stands for Universal Product Code, a standardized barcode used by retailers, including Amazon, to track products. Obtaining UPC codes is a critical step in setting up your products for sale. Here’s a detailed explanation of why you need them, where to get them, and the associated costs.
What are UPC Codes?
Definition: UPC codes are unique identifiers assigned to products. Each code consists of a series of black bars and a corresponding 12-digit number that can be scanned by barcode readers.
Purpose: These codes help retailers manage inventory, streamline the checkout process, and track sales. For e-commerce platforms like Amazon, UPC codes ensure each product is uniquely identifiable, reducing errors and simplifying logistics.
Where to Buy UPC Codes
Official Source: GS1: The Global Standards 1 (GS1) organization is the official provider of UPC codes. Purchasing from GS1 ensures the authenticity and uniqueness of your codes, which is crucial for compliance with Amazon’s policies.
Why GS1?: While there are third-party sellers offering UPC codes at lower prices, these codes might not always be unique or compliant with GS1 standards. Using GS1 guarantees that your UPCs are globally recognized and legitimate, preventing potential issues with listing products on Amazon.
Cost of UPC Codes
Initial Purchase: GS1 sells UPC codes in packs. A pack of 10 UPCs costs $250 initially. This upfront cost covers the registration and issuance of the codes.
Annual Renewal Fee: In addition to the initial purchase cost, there is a $50 annual renewal fee. This fee ensures your codes remain active and your registration with GS1 stays current.
Breakdown of Costs
Initial Cost: For a pack of 10 UPC codes, the initial cost is $250.
Annual Renewal: The $50 annual renewal fee applies every year to maintain your codes.
Example Calculation:
If you purchase a pack of 10 UPCs, your total cost for the first year would be:
$250 (initial cost)+$50 (annual renewal fee)=$300$250 (initial cost)+$50 (annual renewal fee)=$300
In subsequent years, you will only pay the $50 renewal fee to keep your UPCs active.
Why UPC Codes are Important
Inventory Management: UPC codes play a crucial role in inventory management, allowing you to track stock levels accurately. This helps prevent stockouts and overstock situations.
Product Identification: Each UPC code is unique to a specific product, ensuring that Amazon and other retailers can correctly identify and catalog your items. This reduces the risk of listing errors and mix-ups.
Compliance and Credibility: Using GS1-issued UPC codes ensures compliance with Amazon’s listing requirements. This adds credibility to your listings and prevents potential issues that might arise from using unauthorized codes.
Efficiency and Automation: UPC codes facilitate the automation of various processes, including checkout, shipping, and inventory updates. This enhances operational efficiency and reduces manual workload.
Investing in UPC codes from GS1 is an essential step for any e-commerce business aiming to sell on platforms like Amazon. The initial cost of $250 for a pack of 10 UPCs, along with the $50 annual renewal fee, ensures that your products are uniquely identifiable and compliant with global standards. This investment not only helps in effective inventory management but also enhances the credibility and efficiency of your business operations.
5. Shipping and Distribution Costs
Shipping and distribution costs are critical components of your overall budget when selling on Amazon. These costs encompass various fees and charges that ensure your products reach Amazon’s warehouses and, ultimately, your customers. Here’s a detailed breakdown of what to consider and how these costs can impact your business.
Components of Shipping and Distribution Costs
Shipping to Amazon’s Warehouse: This involves the costs of transporting your products from your supplier to Amazon’s fulfillment centers. Factors influencing these costs include the size and weight of your products, the shipping method, and the distance between the supplier and the warehouse.
Packaging: Proper packaging is essential to protect your products during transit. This includes boxes, cushioning materials, and labeling.
Inspection Fees: To ensure quality and compliance with Amazon’s standards, you might need to pay for product inspections before they are shipped.
Import Duties and Taxes: If you are importing products from another country, customs duties and taxes will apply. These costs vary based on the product category and the country of origin.
Estimated Shipping Costs by Product Size
Small Items: For smaller products, shipping costs are generally lower. On average, you can expect to pay around $4 per unit for shipping.
Mid-sized Products: For larger or heavier items, shipping costs increase. These costs can range from $8 to $12 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight of the products.
Amazon FBA Fees
Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) Fees: Once your products are in Amazon’s warehouse, the company handles storage, packaging, and shipping to customers. Amazon charges FBA fees for these services, which are based on the size and weight of the product.
Small and Light Items: FBA fees for smaller items typically range from $2.92 to $6.13 per unit.
Larger Items: For bigger or heavier products, FBA fees can be higher, reflecting the additional handling and shipping costs.
Breakdown of Costs
Shipping Costs to Amazon’s Warehouse:
Small items: $4 per unit
Mid-sized items: $8-$12 per unit
Amazon FBA Fees:
Small items: $2.92-$6.13 per unit
Larger items: Higher fees depending on size and weight
Example Calculation
If you are shipping 300 small items to Amazon’s warehouse, with each unit costing $4 to ship and an average FBA fee of $4.50, your total costs would be:
Shipping to Warehouse: 300 units×$4/unit=$1,200300 units×$4/unit=$1,200
FBA Fees: 300 units×$4.50/unit=$1,350300 units×$4.50/unit=$1,350
Total Shipping and Distribution Costs:
$1,200 (shipping)+$1,350 (FBA fees)=$2,550$1,200 (shipping)+$1,350 (FBA fees)=$2,550
Why Shipping and Distribution Costs are Important
Budget Planning: Understanding and accurately estimating these costs is crucial for budgeting and financial planning. Unexpected expenses can significantly impact your profitability.
Pricing Strategy: These costs need to be factored into your pricing strategy to ensure you maintain healthy profit margins. Underestimating shipping and distribution costs can erode your margins and affect your competitiveness.
Customer Satisfaction: Efficient shipping and distribution are key to timely delivery and customer satisfaction. Using Amazon FBA ensures reliable and fast shipping, which can enhance your seller ratings and lead to repeat business.
Operational Efficiency: Managing these costs effectively can streamline your operations and improve cash flow. By optimizing packaging, negotiating better shipping rates, and accurately forecasting demand, you can reduce expenses and improve efficiency.
Shipping and distribution costs are a significant part of your overall expenses when selling on Amazon. By carefully estimating these costs, including packaging, inspection fees, import duties, and Amazon FBA fees, you can better manage your budget and pricing strategy. Understanding these costs helps ensure smooth operations, enhances customer satisfaction, and supports your business's profitability and growth.
6. Inventory Storage Costs
Inventory storage costs are a critical consideration when using Amazon’s Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) service. These fees are based on the size and quantity of your inventory stored in Amazon’s warehouses and vary throughout the year. Here’s a detailed breakdown of these costs and their implications for your business.
Amazon’s Storage Fees
Amazon charges monthly storage fees that depend on the size category of your products (standard-size or oversized) and the time of year. The fees are higher during the holiday season (October to December) due to increased demand for warehouse space.
Standard-Size Storage Fees
January to September: $0.83 per cubic foot
October to December: $2.40 per cubic foot
Oversized Storage Fees
January to September: $0.53 per cubic foot
October to December: $1.20 per cubic foot
Calculating Storage Costs
To estimate your storage costs, you need to know the cubic footage of your inventory. Here’s how you can calculate it:
Cubic Footage=Length×Width×HeightCubic Footage=Length×Width×Height
Once you have the cubic footage, multiply it by the applicable storage fee rate.
Example Calculation for Standard-Size Products
Let’s say you have 500 units of a product, each measuring 1 cubic foot. Your storage costs would be:
January to September: 500 cubic feet×$0.83/cubic foot=$415500 cubic feet×$0.83/cubic foot=$415
October to December: 500 cubic feet×$2.40/cubic foot=$1,200500 cubic feet×$2.40/cubic foot=$1,200
Example Calculation for Oversized Products
If you have 200 units of an oversized product, each measuring 3 cubic feet, your storage costs would be:
January to September: 600 cubic feet×$0.53/cubic foot=$318600 cubic feet×$0.53/cubic foot=$318
October to December: 600 cubic feet×$1.20/cubic foot=$720600 cubic feet×$1.20/cubic foot=$720
Why Inventory Storage Costs Matter
Budget Management: Accurately estimating storage costs is crucial for budgeting and financial planning. These costs can add up, especially during peak seasons, impacting your overall profitability.
Inventory Turnover: High storage costs can incentivize better inventory management practices, such as maintaining optimal stock levels and ensuring a higher inventory turnover rate. This helps in reducing long-term storage fees and minimizing the risk of overstocking.
Seasonal Planning: Knowing that storage fees increase during the holiday season can help you plan your inventory levels more effectively. You might choose to stock up on faster-moving items or reduce slower-moving inventory before the fees increase.
Cost Control: By understanding these fees, you can implement strategies to minimize them, such as reducing the size of your packaging, negotiating better storage terms, or using other fulfillment centers if necessary.
Strategies to Manage Storage Costs
Optimize Inventory Levels: Maintain a balance between having enough stock to meet demand and avoiding excess inventory that incurs high storage costs.
Seasonal Adjustments: Plan your inventory levels based on seasonal fluctuations in storage fees, ensuring you minimize costs during peak periods.
Efficient Packaging: Use packaging that minimizes space without compromising product safety. Smaller packaging reduces the cubic footage and, consequently, storage fees.
FBA Inventory Management: Use Amazon’s inventory management tools to monitor and adjust your stock levels based on sales data and forecasts.
Inventory storage costs are an important aspect of selling on Amazon using FBA. These costs, varying by product size and season, can significantly impact your business’s profitability. By accurately estimating these fees and implementing strategies to manage and reduce them, you can optimize your inventory management and control expenses effectively. Understanding and planning for these costs will help ensure a smoother and more profitable operation.
Amazon’s Referral Fees
Amazon charges a referral fee on each sale made through its platform. The percentage varies depending on the product category. Here are some common examples:
Electronics: 8%
Beauty Products: 15%
Books: 15%
Clothing and Accessories: 17%
Home and Kitchen: 15%
How Referral Fees Are Calculated
The referral fee is calculated as a percentage of the total sales price, which includes the item price and any shipping or gift wrap charges.
Referral Fee=Sales Price×Referral Fee PercentageReferral Fee=Sales Price×Referral Fee Percentage
Example Calculations
Electronics: If you sell a gadget for $100, the referral fee would be: $100×8%=$8$100×8%=$8
Beauty Products: If you sell a skincare product for $50, the referral fee would be: $50×15%=$7.50$50×15%=$7.50
Why Platform Commission is Important
Pricing Strategy: Knowing the referral fee helps you set your product prices appropriately to ensure you cover costs and achieve desired profit margins.
Profit Margin Calculation: Understanding the commission allows you to accurately calculate your net profit after deducting all fees.
Category Selection: The commission rate can influence your decision on which product categories to focus on. Lower commission rates in certain categories might lead to higher profitability.
Competitive Pricing: Factoring in the referral fee ensures your prices remain competitive while still being profitable.
Impact on Different Product Categories
High-Commission Categories: Categories like beauty products and clothing with higher referral fees require careful pricing to maintain profitability. High fees can significantly impact margins, especially for low-cost items.
Low-Commission Categories: Categories like electronics with lower referral fees can offer better profit margins, but these categories might also have higher competition.
Strategies to Manage Referral Fees
Optimize Pricing: Adjust your pricing to ensure it covers all costs, including the referral fee, while remaining attractive to customers.
Product Selection: Consider the referral fee when selecting products to sell. Products in categories with lower fees might be more profitable.
Bundle Products: Creating product bundles can help increase the average sales price, potentially offsetting the impact of the referral fee.
Platform commission is a significant cost factor when selling on Amazon. By understanding the referral fee structure and calculating these fees accurately, you can make informed decisions about pricing, product selection, and profitability. Properly managing and accounting for these fees ensures your business remains competitive and financially sustainable on the Amazon platform.
8. Advertising Costs
Advertising is a crucial component of your e-commerce strategy, driving visibility and sales for your products on Amazon. Effective advertising can help you reach potential customers quickly, but it requires a financial investment. Here’s a detailed breakdown of advertising costs, strategies, and their impact on your business.
Types of Advertising
Amazon Advertising: The primary form of advertising on Amazon is Pay-Per-Click (PPC) ads. These ads appear in search results and on product detail pages, allowing you to target specific keywords and audiences.
Sponsored Products: These ads promote individual product listings and appear in search results and product pages.
Sponsored Brands: These ads feature your brand logo, a custom headline, and multiple products.
Sponsored Display: These ads target audiences both on and off Amazon, helping to re-engage shoppers who have viewed your products.
Off-Amazon Advertising: To broaden your reach, you can also advertise on social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram. These platforms allow for targeted advertising based on demographics, interests, and behaviors.
Budgeting for Advertising
A typical budget for new sellers on Amazon ranges from $700 to $1,000. This budget should cover various advertising strategies, including PPC campaigns and social media ads.
Cost Breakdown
Amazon PPC Ads:
Sponsored Products: These are the most common and can cost anywhere from $0.10 to $2.00 per click, depending on the competitiveness of your keywords.
Sponsored Brands: These ads generally cost more per click due to their higher visibility and brand promotion capabilities.
Sponsored Display: Costs vary but can be effective for retargeting potential customers.
Social Media Advertising:
Facebook Ads: Costs typically range from $0.50 to $2.00 per click, depending on targeting options and competition.
Instagram Ads: Similar to Facebook, Instagram ad costs range from $0.50 to $2.00 per click, with the advantage of visual storytelling through images and videos.
Example Budget Allocation
Let’s allocate a $1,000 advertising budget across different platforms:
Amazon PPC Ads: $600
Sponsored Products: $400
Sponsored Brands: $150
Sponsored Display: $50
Social Media Ads: $400
Facebook Ads: $200
Instagram Ads: $200
Why Advertising is Important
Increased Visibility: Advertising ensures your products appear in front of potential buyers, increasing the likelihood of sales.
Competitive Edge: With many sellers on Amazon, advertising helps you stand out and reach customers who might otherwise not find your products.
Sales Velocity: Effective advertising can boost your sales velocity, improving your product rankings and increasing organic visibility over time.
Strategies for Effective Advertising
Keyword Research: Use tools like Amazon’s Keyword Planner or third-party tools to identify high-performing keywords for your PPC campaigns.
A/B Testing: Continuously test different ad creatives, headlines, and targeting options to find the most effective combinations.
Monitor and Optimize: Regularly review your ad performance data to optimize your campaigns. Adjust bids, pause underperforming keywords, and allocate more budget to high-performing ads.
Leverage Social Media: Use Facebook and Instagram to build brand awareness and drive traffic to your Amazon listings. Engaging content, such as videos and customer testimonials, can enhance ad performance.
Advertising is a vital part of your e-commerce strategy on Amazon and beyond. Allocating a budget of $700 to $1,000 for advertising can significantly enhance your product visibility and drive sales. By utilizing Amazon PPC ads and leveraging social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, you can reach a broader audience and increase your chances of success. Effective advertising requires continuous monitoring and optimization, but the investment can lead to substantial returns in terms of sales growth and brand recognition.
9. Returns and Refunds
Managing returns and refunds is an inevitable part of selling on Amazon. While they can impact your profitability, understanding the associated costs and implementing effective management strategies can help mitigate their effects. Here’s a detailed breakdown of the costs and considerations involved in handling returns and refunds.
Amazon Return Processing Fees
Amazon charges a return processing fee that varies depending on the product’s size and weight. This fee is applied when a customer returns a product, and it covers the cost of handling and processing the return.
Standard-Size Products: Fees for standard-size products are typically lower due to their smaller dimensions and weight.
Oversized Products: Fees for oversized products are higher because of the additional handling and storage space required.
Example Fee Structure
Standard-Size Product Return Fee: Approximately $2 to $5 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight.
Oversized Product Return Fee: Approximately $5 to $20 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight.
Additional Costs of Returns and Refunds
Restocking Fees: Amazon may charge a restocking fee for certain returned items. This fee is deducted from the refund amount and can range from 10% to 20% of the item’s price.
Return Shipping Costs: In some cases, you may be responsible for covering the cost of return shipping, especially if the return is due to a defect or error on your part.
Product Condition: Returned items that are not in resellable condition may need to be disposed of or liquidated, leading to additional losses.
Why Returns and Refunds Matter
Customer Satisfaction: Efficient handling of returns and refunds is crucial for maintaining high levels of customer satisfaction and positive reviews. Poor management can lead to negative feedback and damage your seller reputation.
Cost Management: Understanding and anticipating the costs associated with returns can help you better manage your budget and pricing strategy, ensuring you account for these potential expenses.
Inventory Control: Effective return management helps maintain accurate inventory levels and reduces the risk of overstocking or stockouts.
Strategies to Manage Returns and Refunds
Clear Product Descriptions: Provide detailed and accurate product descriptions to reduce the likelihood of returns due to customer dissatisfaction or misunderstandings.
Quality Control: Implement rigorous quality control measures to minimize defects and errors that could lead to returns.
Customer Service: Offer excellent customer service to address issues promptly and potentially resolve problems without necessitating a return.
Return Policies: Establish clear and fair return policies that balance customer satisfaction with protecting your business from excessive costs.
Example Calculation
Let’s consider you sell 100 units of a product, with an average return rate of 5%. Here’s how you can calculate the potential costs:
Product Price: $50 per unit
Return Rate: 5% (5 units)
Return Processing Fee: $3 per unit
Restocking Fee: 15% of the product price ($7.50 per unit)
Return Shipping Cost: $5 per unit
Total Return and Refund Costs:
Return Processing Fee=5 units×$3=$15Return Processing Fee=5 units×$3=$15 Restocking Fee=5 units×$7.50=$37.50Restocking Fee=5 units×$7.50=$37.50 Return Shipping Cost=5 units×$5=$25Return Shipping Cost=5 units×$5=$25
Total Costs:
$15+$37.50+$25=$77.50$15+$37.50+$25=$77.50
Handling returns and refunds is a necessary aspect of selling on Amazon, and the associated costs can add up quickly. By understanding the fees and implementing strategies to manage returns effectively, you can minimize their impact on your profitability. Clear product descriptions, stringent quality control, excellent customer service, and well-defined return policies can all contribute to reducing return rates and associated costs. Efficient return management not only helps maintain customer satisfaction but also supports better cost control and inventory management.
Graphic Design for Product Listings
Importance: High-quality graphics and well-designed product listings are essential for attracting customers and conveying professionalism. Poorly designed listings can deter potential buyers.
Costs: Hiring a freelance graphic designer can cost between $50 and $200 per listing, depending on the complexity and the designer's experience.
Services: Graphic design services might include creating product images, infographics, and enhanced brand content (EBC) that highlights your product's features and benefits.
Professional Photography
Importance: Professional photos can make a significant difference in how your product is perceived. High-quality images help build trust with customers and increase conversion rates.
Costs: Professional product photography can range from $100 to $500 per product, depending on the number of images and the photographer’s expertise.
Services: This may include standard product shots, lifestyle images showing the product in use, and detailed close-ups of key features.
Virtual Assistant (VA) Services
Importance: Hiring a virtual assistant can help manage various tasks, such as customer service, inventory management, and order processing. This can free up your time to focus on strategic growth.
Costs: VAs typically charge between $10 and $30 per hour, depending on their skill level and the tasks they perform.
Services: Tasks handled by VAs can include responding to customer inquiries, updating product listings, managing social media accounts, and handling administrative duties.
Other Potential Miscellaneous Expenses
Subscription Services: Tools and software subscriptions for keyword research, inventory management, and sales analytics can cost anywhere from $20 to $200 per month.
Legal and Accounting Services: Professional advice for legal and tax matters is crucial. This can include incorporating your business, trademark registration, and tax preparation, costing several hundred dollars annually.
Packaging Design: Custom packaging design can enhance your brand image and customer experience. Costs can range from $100 to $500, depending on the complexity of the design.
Marketing and Promotional Materials: Additional marketing efforts, such as email campaigns, social media ads, and promotional giveaways, can also add to your expenses.
Example Budget Allocation
Let’s break down a potential budget for these miscellaneous expenses:
Graphic Design: $150 per listing for 5 listings = $750
Professional Photography: $300 per product for 3 products = $900
Virtual Assistant: $20 per hour for 10 hours per month = $200 per month
Subscription Services: $100 per month
Legal and Accounting Services: $500 annually
Packaging Design: $300
Marketing and Promotional Materials: $200 per month
Annual Costs:
Graphic Design=$750Graphic Design=$750 Professional Photography=$900Professional Photography=$900 Virtual Assistant=$200×12=$2,400Virtual Assistant=$200×12=$2,400 Subscription Services=$100×12=$1,200Subscription Services=$100×12=$1,200 Legal and Accounting Services=$500Legal and Accounting Services=$500 Packaging Design=$300Packaging Design=$300 Marketing and Promotional Materials=$200×12=$2,400Marketing and Promotional Materials=$200×12=$2,400
Total Annual Miscellaneous Expenses:
$750+$900+$2,400+$1,200+$500+$300+$2,400=$8,450$750+$900+$2,400+$1,200+$500+$300+$2,400=$8,450
Why Miscellaneous Expenses Matter
Professionalism and Trust: Investing in professional services like graphic design and photography enhances your product listings and builds trust with potential customers.
Efficiency and Focus: Hiring a virtual assistant allows you to delegate time-consuming tasks, enabling you to focus on growing your business.
Operational Smoothness: Subscriptions to essential tools and professional legal and accounting services ensure your business operates smoothly and compliantly.
Brand Building: Custom packaging and marketing materials contribute to a strong brand identity, which can lead to increased customer loyalty and repeat business.
Miscellaneous expenses, while sometimes overlooked, play a vital role in the success of your Amazon business. By budgeting for high-quality graphic design, professional photography, virtual assistant services, and other essential tools and services, you can create a professional and efficient operation. These investments not only enhance your product listings and customer experience but also free up your time to focus on strategic growth, ultimately contributing to your business's long-term success.
Summary
Setting up and running an Amazon business involves various costs that need careful consideration to ensure profitability and efficiency. Here’s a summary of the key cost components:
Product Selection Tools: Essential for choosing profitable products, with popular tools like JungleScout ($49/month) and Helium10 ($79/month). Free alternatives like 4SELLER also provide valuable features for product selection and inventory management.
Initial Stock Costs: Depending on the product type and quantity, initial stock costs can range from $1,000 to $3,000. Starting with 200-500 units is recommended to test the market without overcommitting financially.
UPC Codes: Necessary for product tracking, these should be purchased from GS1. A pack of 10 UPC codes costs $250 initially, plus a $50 annual renewal fee.
Shipping and Distribution Costs: Includes fees for shipping products to Amazon’s warehouse and Amazon’s Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) fees, which range from $2.92 to $6.13 per unit. Shipping small items might cost around $4 per unit, while mid-sized products could cost $8-$12 per unit.
Inventory Storage Costs: Monthly fees for storing products in Amazon’s warehouse vary by size and season. Standard-size storage costs $0.83 per cubic foot from January to September and $2.40 per cubic foot from October to December. Oversized storage costs $0.53 per cubic foot and $1.20 per cubic foot during these periods, respectively.
Platform Commission: Amazon takes a commission on each sale, typically between 8% and 15%, depending on the product category. For instance, electronics have a referral fee of 8%, while beauty products have a fee of 15%.
Advertising Costs: To drive visibility and sales, set aside $700-$1,000 for advertising. This includes Amazon PPC ads and potentially social media ads on platforms like Facebook and Instagram.
Returns and Refunds: Handling returns incurs costs, including Amazon’s return processing fee, restocking fees, and return shipping costs. These fees vary based on product size and weight.
Miscellaneous Expenses: Other costs include graphic design for product listings ($50-$200 per listing), professional photography ($100-$500 per product), and virtual assistant services ($10-$30 per hour). Additional expenses may include subscription services, legal and accounting services, packaging design, and marketing materials.
In total, you'll need at least $5,000 to start an Amazon FBA business today. Plus, you'll need to spend a lot of time managing your store and optimizing your product listings. This includes continuously monitoring your sales performance, tweaking your advertising strategies, and keeping an eye on competitors to stay ahead in the market.
By understanding and planning for these costs, you can effectively manage your Amazon business, ensuring it remains profitable and efficient while maintaining high levels of customer satisfaction.
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First, let's talk about the monthly rent for an Amazon store. Registering an Amazon store is free, but using a company registration instead of a personal one is recommended. This approach is safer and has a higher approval rate. After registering, you can choose between an Individual account and a Professional account.
Individual Account: This account has no monthly fee, but you'll pay Amazon $0.99 for each item you sell. It’s suitable for sellers who are just starting out and have lower sales volumes.
Professional Account: This account costs $39.99 per month, but you won’t pay a fee per sale. This option is more cost-effective if you sell more than 40 items per month.
Recommendation: If you’re just starting and your sales are low, opt for the Individual account. As your sales increase and you consistently sell more than 40 items per month, switch to the Professional account to save on per-item fees.
- Product Selection Tools
Popular Paid Tools: JungleScout and Helium10
JungleScout: Priced at $49/month, JungleScout is widely recognized for its comprehensive suite of tools designed to help sellers identify profitable products, estimate sales, and analyze competition. Its features include:
Product Database: Allows you to filter products based on various criteria like price, sales, and competition.
Product Tracker: Helps track the performance of potential products over time.
Keyword Scout: Provides keyword research and optimization suggestions to enhance product listings.
Sales Analytics: Offers insights into sales trends and revenue estimates.
Helium10: At $79/month, Helium10 is another powerful tool that provides a wide range of functionalities for Amazon sellers. Key features include:
Black Box: A product research tool that allows you to find profitable niches.
Xray: A Chrome extension that gives you a quick overview of product performance metrics directly on Amazon.
Keyword Research: Tools like Cerebro and Magnet help you discover and optimize for high-ranking keywords.
Listing Optimization: Features like Scribbles and Index Checker ensure your product listings are optimized for maximum visibility.
Free Tool: 4SELLER
4SELLER: For those who are looking for a budget-friendly option, 4SELLER is a free tool that offers a robust set of features to aid in product selection and management. It includes:
Product Selection: Assists in identifying profitable products by analyzing market trends and competition.
Inventory Management: Helps track inventory levels, forecast demand, and manage stock efficiently to prevent overstocking or stockouts.
Supplier Finder: Aids in locating reliable suppliers, which is essential for maintaining product quality and consistency.
Why Product Selection Tools are Essential
Using product selection tools is vital because they provide data-driven insights that help you make informed decisions. These tools can save you time and reduce the risk of choosing products that may not sell well. They offer features that allow you to:
Identify Trends: By analyzing market data, these tools help you stay ahead of trends and capitalize on emerging opportunities.
Evaluate Competition: Understanding your competition is crucial. These tools provide detailed analysis of competitors' products, pricing strategies, and sales performance.
Optimize Listings: Well-optimized product listings are more likely to attract buyers. These tools offer keyword research and listing optimization features that improve your product's visibility on e-commerce platforms.
Manage Inventory: Efficient inventory management ensures you have the right products available at the right time, which is crucial for maintaining customer satisfaction and maximizing sales.
Whether you opt for a paid tool like JungleScout or Helium10, or a free option like 4SELLER, leveraging these tools can significantly enhance your ability to select profitable products, manage inventory effectively, and optimize your listings for better performance.
3. Initial Stock Costs
Purchasing your first batch of products involves a significant initial investment, and the amount required can vary widely depending on the type of products you choose to sell. Here’s a detailed breakdown of what to consider when estimating your initial stock costs:
Factors Influencing Initial Stock Costs
Product Type and Price: The nature of the products you choose to sell will greatly influence your initial costs. Higher-priced items tend to have less competition but require a larger upfront investment. Conversely, cheaper products are more budget-friendly but often come with higher competition.
Quantity: The number of units you decide to purchase initially is another major factor. A common recommendation for new sellers is to start with 200-500 units. This range allows you to test the market demand without overcommitting financially.
Calculating Initial Costs
To estimate your initial stock costs, you need to multiply the quantity of units by the purchase price per unit. Here’s a simplified formula:
Initial Stock Cost=Quantity×Purchase Price per UnitInitial Stock Cost=Quantity×Purchase Price per Unit
For instance, if you decide to buy 300 units of a product that costs $5 per unit, your initial stock cost would be:
300 units×$5/unit=$1,500300 units×$5/unit=$1,500
Typical Budget Ranges for New Sellers
Low Budget: If you’re starting with a tighter budget, you might opt for products with a lower purchase price. For example, if you choose items costing around $2 per unit and purchase 200 units, your initial cost would be $400.
Moderate Budget: A more common range for new sellers is between $1,000 and $3,000. This allows for a balance between purchasing a reasonable quantity of units and managing the risk of unsold inventory. For example, buying 400 units at $5 per unit would total $2,000.
Higher Budget: With a larger budget, you can consider higher-priced items that might have less competition. For instance, purchasing 300 units at $10 per unit would result in an initial cost of $3,000.
Why Initial Stock Costs are Important
Understanding and planning for initial stock costs is critical because it ensures you are adequately prepared for the financial outlay required to launch your business. Here are a few reasons why this is essential:
Market Testing: Buying an appropriate number of units allows you to test market demand without over-investing. This way, you can gauge the product's popularity and adjust future orders accordingly.
Cash Flow Management: Proper planning helps manage your cash flow effectively. Ensuring you have enough funds to cover initial stock costs, along with other expenses like marketing and shipping, is crucial for maintaining business operations.
Risk Mitigation: Starting with a moderate quantity of units helps minimize the risk of unsold inventory, which can tie up capital and lead to losses. It’s better to start small, analyze performance, and scale up gradually.
Carefully estimating and planning for your initial stock costs is a vital step in setting up your e-commerce business. By understanding the factors that influence these costs and budgeting accordingly, you can make informed decisions that set the foundation for a successful venture. Whether you have a limited budget or can invest more significantly, strategic planning will help you manage risks and maximize your chances of success.
4. UPC Codes
UPC stands for Universal Product Code, a standardized barcode used by retailers, including Amazon, to track products. Obtaining UPC codes is a critical step in setting up your products for sale. Here’s a detailed explanation of why you need them, where to get them, and the associated costs.
What are UPC Codes?
Definition: UPC codes are unique identifiers assigned to products. Each code consists of a series of black bars and a corresponding 12-digit number that can be scanned by barcode readers.
Purpose: These codes help retailers manage inventory, streamline the checkout process, and track sales. For e-commerce platforms like Amazon, UPC codes ensure each product is uniquely identifiable, reducing errors and simplifying logistics.
Where to Buy UPC Codes
Official Source: GS1: The Global Standards 1 (GS1) organization is the official provider of UPC codes. Purchasing from GS1 ensures the authenticity and uniqueness of your codes, which is crucial for compliance with Amazon’s policies.
Why GS1?: While there are third-party sellers offering UPC codes at lower prices, these codes might not always be unique or compliant with GS1 standards. Using GS1 guarantees that your UPCs are globally recognized and legitimate, preventing potential issues with listing products on Amazon.
Cost of UPC Codes
Initial Purchase: GS1 sells UPC codes in packs. A pack of 10 UPCs costs $250 initially. This upfront cost covers the registration and issuance of the codes.
Annual Renewal Fee: In addition to the initial purchase cost, there is a $50 annual renewal fee. This fee ensures your codes remain active and your registration with GS1 stays current.
Breakdown of Costs
Initial Cost: For a pack of 10 UPC codes, the initial cost is $250.
Annual Renewal: The $50 annual renewal fee applies every year to maintain your codes.
Example Calculation:
If you purchase a pack of 10 UPCs, your total cost for the first year would be:
$250 (initial cost)+$50 (annual renewal fee)=$300$250 (initial cost)+$50 (annual renewal fee)=$300
In subsequent years, you will only pay the $50 renewal fee to keep your UPCs active.
Why UPC Codes are Important
Inventory Management: UPC codes play a crucial role in inventory management, allowing you to track stock levels accurately. This helps prevent stockouts and overstock situations.
Product Identification: Each UPC code is unique to a specific product, ensuring that Amazon and other retailers can correctly identify and catalog your items. This reduces the risk of listing errors and mix-ups.
Compliance and Credibility: Using GS1-issued UPC codes ensures compliance with Amazon’s listing requirements. This adds credibility to your listings and prevents potential issues that might arise from using unauthorized codes.
Efficiency and Automation: UPC codes facilitate the automation of various processes, including checkout, shipping, and inventory updates. This enhances operational efficiency and reduces manual workload.
Investing in UPC codes from GS1 is an essential step for any e-commerce business aiming to sell on platforms like Amazon. The initial cost of $250 for a pack of 10 UPCs, along with the $50 annual renewal fee, ensures that your products are uniquely identifiable and compliant with global standards. This investment not only helps in effective inventory management but also enhances the credibility and efficiency of your business operations.
5. Shipping and Distribution Costs
Shipping and distribution costs are critical components of your overall budget when selling on Amazon. These costs encompass various fees and charges that ensure your products reach Amazon’s warehouses and, ultimately, your customers. Here’s a detailed breakdown of what to consider and how these costs can impact your business.
Components of Shipping and Distribution Costs
Shipping to Amazon’s Warehouse: This involves the costs of transporting your products from your supplier to Amazon’s fulfillment centers. Factors influencing these costs include the size and weight of your products, the shipping method, and the distance between the supplier and the warehouse.
Packaging: Proper packaging is essential to protect your products during transit. This includes boxes, cushioning materials, and labeling.
Inspection Fees: To ensure quality and compliance with Amazon’s standards, you might need to pay for product inspections before they are shipped.
Import Duties and Taxes: If you are importing products from another country, customs duties and taxes will apply. These costs vary based on the product category and the country of origin.
Estimated Shipping Costs by Product Size
Small Items: For smaller products, shipping costs are generally lower. On average, you can expect to pay around $4 per unit for shipping.
Mid-sized Products: For larger or heavier items, shipping costs increase. These costs can range from $8 to $12 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight of the products.
Amazon FBA Fees
Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) Fees: Once your products are in Amazon’s warehouse, the company handles storage, packaging, and shipping to customers. Amazon charges FBA fees for these services, which are based on the size and weight of the product.
Small and Light Items: FBA fees for smaller items typically range from $2.92 to $6.13 per unit.
Larger Items: For bigger or heavier products, FBA fees can be higher, reflecting the additional handling and shipping costs.
Breakdown of Costs
Shipping Costs to Amazon’s Warehouse:
Small items: $4 per unit
Mid-sized items: $8-$12 per unit
Amazon FBA Fees:
Small items: $2.92-$6.13 per unit
Larger items: Higher fees depending on size and weight
Example Calculation
If you are shipping 300 small items to Amazon’s warehouse, with each unit costing $4 to ship and an average FBA fee of $4.50, your total costs would be:
Shipping to Warehouse: 300 units×$4/unit=$1,200300 units×$4/unit=$1,200
FBA Fees: 300 units×$4.50/unit=$1,350300 units×$4.50/unit=$1,350
Total Shipping and Distribution Costs:
$1,200 (shipping)+$1,350 (FBA fees)=$2,550$1,200 (shipping)+$1,350 (FBA fees)=$2,550
Why Shipping and Distribution Costs are Important
Budget Planning: Understanding and accurately estimating these costs is crucial for budgeting and financial planning. Unexpected expenses can significantly impact your profitability.
Pricing Strategy: These costs need to be factored into your pricing strategy to ensure you maintain healthy profit margins. Underestimating shipping and distribution costs can erode your margins and affect your competitiveness.
Customer Satisfaction: Efficient shipping and distribution are key to timely delivery and customer satisfaction. Using Amazon FBA ensures reliable and fast shipping, which can enhance your seller ratings and lead to repeat business.
Operational Efficiency: Managing these costs effectively can streamline your operations and improve cash flow. By optimizing packaging, negotiating better shipping rates, and accurately forecasting demand, you can reduce expenses and improve efficiency.
Shipping and distribution costs are a significant part of your overall expenses when selling on Amazon. By carefully estimating these costs, including packaging, inspection fees, import duties, and Amazon FBA fees, you can better manage your budget and pricing strategy. Understanding these costs helps ensure smooth operations, enhances customer satisfaction, and supports your business's profitability and growth.
6. Inventory Storage Costs
Inventory storage costs are a critical consideration when using Amazon’s Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) service. These fees are based on the size and quantity of your inventory stored in Amazon’s warehouses and vary throughout the year. Here’s a detailed breakdown of these costs and their implications for your business.
Amazon’s Storage Fees
Amazon charges monthly storage fees that depend on the size category of your products (standard-size or oversized) and the time of year. The fees are higher during the holiday season (October to December) due to increased demand for warehouse space.
Standard-Size Storage Fees
January to September: $0.83 per cubic foot
October to December: $2.40 per cubic foot
Oversized Storage Fees
January to September: $0.53 per cubic foot
October to December: $1.20 per cubic foot
Calculating Storage Costs
To estimate your storage costs, you need to know the cubic footage of your inventory. Here’s how you can calculate it:
Cubic Footage=Length×Width×HeightCubic Footage=Length×Width×Height
Once you have the cubic footage, multiply it by the applicable storage fee rate.
Example Calculation for Standard-Size Products
Let’s say you have 500 units of a product, each measuring 1 cubic foot. Your storage costs would be:
January to September: 500 cubic feet×$0.83/cubic foot=$415500 cubic feet×$0.83/cubic foot=$415
October to December: 500 cubic feet×$2.40/cubic foot=$1,200500 cubic feet×$2.40/cubic foot=$1,200
Example Calculation for Oversized Products
If you have 200 units of an oversized product, each measuring 3 cubic feet, your storage costs would be:
January to September: 600 cubic feet×$0.53/cubic foot=$318600 cubic feet×$0.53/cubic foot=$318
October to December: 600 cubic feet×$1.20/cubic foot=$720600 cubic feet×$1.20/cubic foot=$720
Why Inventory Storage Costs Matter
Budget Management: Accurately estimating storage costs is crucial for budgeting and financial planning. These costs can add up, especially during peak seasons, impacting your overall profitability.
Inventory Turnover: High storage costs can incentivize better inventory management practices, such as maintaining optimal stock levels and ensuring a higher inventory turnover rate. This helps in reducing long-term storage fees and minimizing the risk of overstocking.
Seasonal Planning: Knowing that storage fees increase during the holiday season can help you plan your inventory levels more effectively. You might choose to stock up on faster-moving items or reduce slower-moving inventory before the fees increase.
Cost Control: By understanding these fees, you can implement strategies to minimize them, such as reducing the size of your packaging, negotiating better storage terms, or using other fulfillment centers if necessary.
Strategies to Manage Storage Costs
Optimize Inventory Levels: Maintain a balance between having enough stock to meet demand and avoiding excess inventory that incurs high storage costs.
Seasonal Adjustments: Plan your inventory levels based on seasonal fluctuations in storage fees, ensuring you minimize costs during peak periods.
Efficient Packaging: Use packaging that minimizes space without compromising product safety. Smaller packaging reduces the cubic footage and, consequently, storage fees.
FBA Inventory Management: Use Amazon’s inventory management tools to monitor and adjust your stock levels based on sales data and forecasts.
Inventory storage costs are an important aspect of selling on Amazon using FBA. These costs, varying by product size and season, can significantly impact your business’s profitability. By accurately estimating these fees and implementing strategies to manage and reduce them, you can optimize your inventory management and control expenses effectively. Understanding and planning for these costs will help ensure a smoother and more profitable operation.
- Platform Commission
Amazon’s Referral Fees
Amazon charges a referral fee on each sale made through its platform. The percentage varies depending on the product category. Here are some common examples:
Electronics: 8%
Beauty Products: 15%
Books: 15%
Clothing and Accessories: 17%
Home and Kitchen: 15%
How Referral Fees Are Calculated
The referral fee is calculated as a percentage of the total sales price, which includes the item price and any shipping or gift wrap charges.
Referral Fee=Sales Price×Referral Fee PercentageReferral Fee=Sales Price×Referral Fee Percentage
Example Calculations
Electronics: If you sell a gadget for $100, the referral fee would be: $100×8%=$8$100×8%=$8
Beauty Products: If you sell a skincare product for $50, the referral fee would be: $50×15%=$7.50$50×15%=$7.50
Why Platform Commission is Important
Pricing Strategy: Knowing the referral fee helps you set your product prices appropriately to ensure you cover costs and achieve desired profit margins.
Profit Margin Calculation: Understanding the commission allows you to accurately calculate your net profit after deducting all fees.
Category Selection: The commission rate can influence your decision on which product categories to focus on. Lower commission rates in certain categories might lead to higher profitability.
Competitive Pricing: Factoring in the referral fee ensures your prices remain competitive while still being profitable.
Impact on Different Product Categories
High-Commission Categories: Categories like beauty products and clothing with higher referral fees require careful pricing to maintain profitability. High fees can significantly impact margins, especially for low-cost items.
Low-Commission Categories: Categories like electronics with lower referral fees can offer better profit margins, but these categories might also have higher competition.
Strategies to Manage Referral Fees
Optimize Pricing: Adjust your pricing to ensure it covers all costs, including the referral fee, while remaining attractive to customers.
Product Selection: Consider the referral fee when selecting products to sell. Products in categories with lower fees might be more profitable.
Bundle Products: Creating product bundles can help increase the average sales price, potentially offsetting the impact of the referral fee.
Platform commission is a significant cost factor when selling on Amazon. By understanding the referral fee structure and calculating these fees accurately, you can make informed decisions about pricing, product selection, and profitability. Properly managing and accounting for these fees ensures your business remains competitive and financially sustainable on the Amazon platform.
8. Advertising Costs
Advertising is a crucial component of your e-commerce strategy, driving visibility and sales for your products on Amazon. Effective advertising can help you reach potential customers quickly, but it requires a financial investment. Here’s a detailed breakdown of advertising costs, strategies, and their impact on your business.
Types of Advertising
Amazon Advertising: The primary form of advertising on Amazon is Pay-Per-Click (PPC) ads. These ads appear in search results and on product detail pages, allowing you to target specific keywords and audiences.
Sponsored Products: These ads promote individual product listings and appear in search results and product pages.
Sponsored Brands: These ads feature your brand logo, a custom headline, and multiple products.
Sponsored Display: These ads target audiences both on and off Amazon, helping to re-engage shoppers who have viewed your products.
Off-Amazon Advertising: To broaden your reach, you can also advertise on social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram. These platforms allow for targeted advertising based on demographics, interests, and behaviors.
Budgeting for Advertising
A typical budget for new sellers on Amazon ranges from $700 to $1,000. This budget should cover various advertising strategies, including PPC campaigns and social media ads.
Cost Breakdown
Amazon PPC Ads:
Sponsored Products: These are the most common and can cost anywhere from $0.10 to $2.00 per click, depending on the competitiveness of your keywords.
Sponsored Brands: These ads generally cost more per click due to their higher visibility and brand promotion capabilities.
Sponsored Display: Costs vary but can be effective for retargeting potential customers.
Social Media Advertising:
Facebook Ads: Costs typically range from $0.50 to $2.00 per click, depending on targeting options and competition.
Instagram Ads: Similar to Facebook, Instagram ad costs range from $0.50 to $2.00 per click, with the advantage of visual storytelling through images and videos.
Example Budget Allocation
Let’s allocate a $1,000 advertising budget across different platforms:
Amazon PPC Ads: $600
Sponsored Products: $400
Sponsored Brands: $150
Sponsored Display: $50
Social Media Ads: $400
Facebook Ads: $200
Instagram Ads: $200
Why Advertising is Important
Increased Visibility: Advertising ensures your products appear in front of potential buyers, increasing the likelihood of sales.
Competitive Edge: With many sellers on Amazon, advertising helps you stand out and reach customers who might otherwise not find your products.
Sales Velocity: Effective advertising can boost your sales velocity, improving your product rankings and increasing organic visibility over time.
Strategies for Effective Advertising
Keyword Research: Use tools like Amazon’s Keyword Planner or third-party tools to identify high-performing keywords for your PPC campaigns.
A/B Testing: Continuously test different ad creatives, headlines, and targeting options to find the most effective combinations.
Monitor and Optimize: Regularly review your ad performance data to optimize your campaigns. Adjust bids, pause underperforming keywords, and allocate more budget to high-performing ads.
Leverage Social Media: Use Facebook and Instagram to build brand awareness and drive traffic to your Amazon listings. Engaging content, such as videos and customer testimonials, can enhance ad performance.
Advertising is a vital part of your e-commerce strategy on Amazon and beyond. Allocating a budget of $700 to $1,000 for advertising can significantly enhance your product visibility and drive sales. By utilizing Amazon PPC ads and leveraging social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, you can reach a broader audience and increase your chances of success. Effective advertising requires continuous monitoring and optimization, but the investment can lead to substantial returns in terms of sales growth and brand recognition.
9. Returns and Refunds
Managing returns and refunds is an inevitable part of selling on Amazon. While they can impact your profitability, understanding the associated costs and implementing effective management strategies can help mitigate their effects. Here’s a detailed breakdown of the costs and considerations involved in handling returns and refunds.
Amazon Return Processing Fees
Amazon charges a return processing fee that varies depending on the product’s size and weight. This fee is applied when a customer returns a product, and it covers the cost of handling and processing the return.
Standard-Size Products: Fees for standard-size products are typically lower due to their smaller dimensions and weight.
Oversized Products: Fees for oversized products are higher because of the additional handling and storage space required.
Example Fee Structure
Standard-Size Product Return Fee: Approximately $2 to $5 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight.
Oversized Product Return Fee: Approximately $5 to $20 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight.
Additional Costs of Returns and Refunds
Restocking Fees: Amazon may charge a restocking fee for certain returned items. This fee is deducted from the refund amount and can range from 10% to 20% of the item’s price.
Return Shipping Costs: In some cases, you may be responsible for covering the cost of return shipping, especially if the return is due to a defect or error on your part.
Product Condition: Returned items that are not in resellable condition may need to be disposed of or liquidated, leading to additional losses.
Why Returns and Refunds Matter
Customer Satisfaction: Efficient handling of returns and refunds is crucial for maintaining high levels of customer satisfaction and positive reviews. Poor management can lead to negative feedback and damage your seller reputation.
Cost Management: Understanding and anticipating the costs associated with returns can help you better manage your budget and pricing strategy, ensuring you account for these potential expenses.
Inventory Control: Effective return management helps maintain accurate inventory levels and reduces the risk of overstocking or stockouts.
Strategies to Manage Returns and Refunds
Clear Product Descriptions: Provide detailed and accurate product descriptions to reduce the likelihood of returns due to customer dissatisfaction or misunderstandings.
Quality Control: Implement rigorous quality control measures to minimize defects and errors that could lead to returns.
Customer Service: Offer excellent customer service to address issues promptly and potentially resolve problems without necessitating a return.
Return Policies: Establish clear and fair return policies that balance customer satisfaction with protecting your business from excessive costs.
Example Calculation
Let’s consider you sell 100 units of a product, with an average return rate of 5%. Here’s how you can calculate the potential costs:
Product Price: $50 per unit
Return Rate: 5% (5 units)
Return Processing Fee: $3 per unit
Restocking Fee: 15% of the product price ($7.50 per unit)
Return Shipping Cost: $5 per unit
Total Return and Refund Costs:
Return Processing Fee=5 units×$3=$15Return Processing Fee=5 units×$3=$15 Restocking Fee=5 units×$7.50=$37.50Restocking Fee=5 units×$7.50=$37.50 Return Shipping Cost=5 units×$5=$25Return Shipping Cost=5 units×$5=$25
Total Costs:
$15+$37.50+$25=$77.50$15+$37.50+$25=$77.50
Handling returns and refunds is a necessary aspect of selling on Amazon, and the associated costs can add up quickly. By understanding the fees and implementing strategies to manage returns effectively, you can minimize their impact on your profitability. Clear product descriptions, stringent quality control, excellent customer service, and well-defined return policies can all contribute to reducing return rates and associated costs. Efficient return management not only helps maintain customer satisfaction but also supports better cost control and inventory management.
- Miscellaneous Expenses
Graphic Design for Product Listings
Importance: High-quality graphics and well-designed product listings are essential for attracting customers and conveying professionalism. Poorly designed listings can deter potential buyers.
Costs: Hiring a freelance graphic designer can cost between $50 and $200 per listing, depending on the complexity and the designer's experience.
Services: Graphic design services might include creating product images, infographics, and enhanced brand content (EBC) that highlights your product's features and benefits.
Professional Photography
Importance: Professional photos can make a significant difference in how your product is perceived. High-quality images help build trust with customers and increase conversion rates.
Costs: Professional product photography can range from $100 to $500 per product, depending on the number of images and the photographer’s expertise.
Services: This may include standard product shots, lifestyle images showing the product in use, and detailed close-ups of key features.
Virtual Assistant (VA) Services
Importance: Hiring a virtual assistant can help manage various tasks, such as customer service, inventory management, and order processing. This can free up your time to focus on strategic growth.
Costs: VAs typically charge between $10 and $30 per hour, depending on their skill level and the tasks they perform.
Services: Tasks handled by VAs can include responding to customer inquiries, updating product listings, managing social media accounts, and handling administrative duties.
Other Potential Miscellaneous Expenses
Subscription Services: Tools and software subscriptions for keyword research, inventory management, and sales analytics can cost anywhere from $20 to $200 per month.
Legal and Accounting Services: Professional advice for legal and tax matters is crucial. This can include incorporating your business, trademark registration, and tax preparation, costing several hundred dollars annually.
Packaging Design: Custom packaging design can enhance your brand image and customer experience. Costs can range from $100 to $500, depending on the complexity of the design.
Marketing and Promotional Materials: Additional marketing efforts, such as email campaigns, social media ads, and promotional giveaways, can also add to your expenses.
Example Budget Allocation
Let’s break down a potential budget for these miscellaneous expenses:
Graphic Design: $150 per listing for 5 listings = $750
Professional Photography: $300 per product for 3 products = $900
Virtual Assistant: $20 per hour for 10 hours per month = $200 per month
Subscription Services: $100 per month
Legal and Accounting Services: $500 annually
Packaging Design: $300
Marketing and Promotional Materials: $200 per month
Annual Costs:
Graphic Design=$750Graphic Design=$750 Professional Photography=$900Professional Photography=$900 Virtual Assistant=$200×12=$2,400Virtual Assistant=$200×12=$2,400 Subscription Services=$100×12=$1,200Subscription Services=$100×12=$1,200 Legal and Accounting Services=$500Legal and Accounting Services=$500 Packaging Design=$300Packaging Design=$300 Marketing and Promotional Materials=$200×12=$2,400Marketing and Promotional Materials=$200×12=$2,400
Total Annual Miscellaneous Expenses:
$750+$900+$2,400+$1,200+$500+$300+$2,400=$8,450$750+$900+$2,400+$1,200+$500+$300+$2,400=$8,450
Why Miscellaneous Expenses Matter
Professionalism and Trust: Investing in professional services like graphic design and photography enhances your product listings and builds trust with potential customers.
Efficiency and Focus: Hiring a virtual assistant allows you to delegate time-consuming tasks, enabling you to focus on growing your business.
Operational Smoothness: Subscriptions to essential tools and professional legal and accounting services ensure your business operates smoothly and compliantly.
Brand Building: Custom packaging and marketing materials contribute to a strong brand identity, which can lead to increased customer loyalty and repeat business.
Miscellaneous expenses, while sometimes overlooked, play a vital role in the success of your Amazon business. By budgeting for high-quality graphic design, professional photography, virtual assistant services, and other essential tools and services, you can create a professional and efficient operation. These investments not only enhance your product listings and customer experience but also free up your time to focus on strategic growth, ultimately contributing to your business's long-term success.
Summary
Setting up and running an Amazon business involves various costs that need careful consideration to ensure profitability and efficiency. Here’s a summary of the key cost components:
Product Selection Tools: Essential for choosing profitable products, with popular tools like JungleScout ($49/month) and Helium10 ($79/month). Free alternatives like 4SELLER also provide valuable features for product selection and inventory management.
Initial Stock Costs: Depending on the product type and quantity, initial stock costs can range from $1,000 to $3,000. Starting with 200-500 units is recommended to test the market without overcommitting financially.
UPC Codes: Necessary for product tracking, these should be purchased from GS1. A pack of 10 UPC codes costs $250 initially, plus a $50 annual renewal fee.
Shipping and Distribution Costs: Includes fees for shipping products to Amazon’s warehouse and Amazon’s Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) fees, which range from $2.92 to $6.13 per unit. Shipping small items might cost around $4 per unit, while mid-sized products could cost $8-$12 per unit.
Inventory Storage Costs: Monthly fees for storing products in Amazon’s warehouse vary by size and season. Standard-size storage costs $0.83 per cubic foot from January to September and $2.40 per cubic foot from October to December. Oversized storage costs $0.53 per cubic foot and $1.20 per cubic foot during these periods, respectively.
Platform Commission: Amazon takes a commission on each sale, typically between 8% and 15%, depending on the product category. For instance, electronics have a referral fee of 8%, while beauty products have a fee of 15%.
Advertising Costs: To drive visibility and sales, set aside $700-$1,000 for advertising. This includes Amazon PPC ads and potentially social media ads on platforms like Facebook and Instagram.
Returns and Refunds: Handling returns incurs costs, including Amazon’s return processing fee, restocking fees, and return shipping costs. These fees vary based on product size and weight.
Miscellaneous Expenses: Other costs include graphic design for product listings ($50-$200 per listing), professional photography ($100-$500 per product), and virtual assistant services ($10-$30 per hour). Additional expenses may include subscription services, legal and accounting services, packaging design, and marketing materials.
In total, you'll need at least $5,000 to start an Amazon FBA business today. Plus, you'll need to spend a lot of time managing your store and optimizing your product listings. This includes continuously monitoring your sales performance, tweaking your advertising strategies, and keeping an eye on competitors to stay ahead in the market.
By understanding and planning for these costs, you can effectively manage your Amazon business, ensuring it remains profitable and efficient while maintaining high levels of customer satisfaction.
2024.05.18 19:39 LocalSupermarket9326 Penelope and Colin
I`ve been somewhat lurking on here for the past few days,commenting,seeing how people are feeling and what they`re thinking. Finally,I`ve wanted to share my thoughts on our leading couple this season,as a writer who`s really in her zone writing character analyses and has minored in British Literature. This post might be a bit long.
So I got the idea for this post after seeing so many of your wonderful opinions,since I did notice a common thread in a fair number of posts regarding the romance of this half season and,more specifically,Penelope and Colin themselves. That being: Their romance felt rushed and Colin`s characterisation came across as inconsistent/nonexistent plus Luke Newton didn`t help matters. As someone who`s enjoyed period dramas as it pertains to similar material since I was basically a child,this half season reminded me of those dramas moreso than any other season thus far. And it might just be because of these two observations,and I`d like to challenge them. Let me explain.
Firstly, I do not think Colin`s personality has been botched nor does he lack one. I`d rather say he`s just not the leading man many came to expect from Bridgerton. In fact,I think that is ever so incorporated into his struggles this year. Colin Bridgerton is the third son of the household. Not having to lead it,yet possessing that need for approval with no one to give it to him,he`s been aimless,that`s more than obvious. He is emotionally intelligent (the second one after Daphne to notice the attraction brewing between Kate and Anthony,sending her ball and having them alone),a people pleaser(always bringing his family gifts,asking if anyone needs anything,always being by Violet`s side,as she astutely points out this season). However,that backfired when he went through what he went through with Marina. He`s sensitive,words of the Ton CAN influence him,as he admits it himself. With that cocktail and his previous endeavours(even when he wanted to make something of himself on his own terms and finally gain some autonomy,proving to himself he`s just as worthy,that deal falls through),thinking that he needs to follow his brothers` example and become somewhat of a rake is rather logical. Nothing he does works,but his brothers are succeeding. His winks,brothel scenes etc. were lacking in confidence exactly because he`s putting up a front. It`s what he`s practiced and he`s just mouthing off. This is where Luke Newton`s ability shines,as you can see him doubting himself in the midst of giving bland,but charming compliments to eligible ladies on his first outing since coming back. He`s satisfying everyone but himself. Donning on a mask molded by the other men in his family. But he`s insecure and that mask shakes. He doesn`t fit this snug mold the show set out and he`s spilling out. He`s even insecure about his writing,something he genuinely enjoys. He`s not fuelled by trauma like Anthony and Simon,but by the fear of not measuring up,not being good enough. A jilted hopeless romantic yearning for attention,instead of a brooding smooth lead. And I love it. He`s funny,sweet,kind,emotionally intelligent,caring but also insecure,eager to please,running away from his problems and can be ponderous to a fault. That is where we come to his connection with Penelope.
Secondly, this idea of their romance being rushed. While I DO wish more time was given to them,what they gave us until now I can dissect with gusto. He`s subconsciously attracted to Penelope(even before Season 3) because she ponders,is introspective and on the outskirts like he is. I don`t know if it`s due to my education,but many instances of them communicating are not proper,nor well received by polite society of the time(since Season 1). The gloveless hand holding,him touching her forearm,the jokes they make,how much time they spend together,being on the first name basis. They`re comfortable with each other. One of my favorite interactions between them has to be when they talk about purpose in Season 2. In that moment,it is clear that something shifts in Colin as he looks down,smiling,his eyes going back to Pen,while she`s talking passionately about what she wants. Admiration,understanding as he sees her as something more. But he makes a blunder once again,not willing to see beyond his own insecurities. Another chance wasted. And we come to Season 3.
And both of them grow so much as characters. A bit older,but a lot more intricate. And in only 4 episodes,Colin becomes probably the most proactive leading man we`ve had,as he lunges head first,with no restraints. He`s not resistant to Violet`s advice,in fact,he welcomes it. He`s insecure but when it comes to Penelope,he`s freed from his shackles. Their story is about being free,satisfied with yourself,open to love and being loved. And,as an adult,it is so romantic. His true,romantic persona re-emerges in that carriage. Overcoming the voices in your head telling you you can`t. Being vulnerable with someone you feel will accept your pathetic side. It`s such a relatable conflict to explore. No need for love confessions for the centuries. With just a few looks you come to the same conclusion. It is glorious.
(I could go on,but this is such a long post I did not anticipate,sorry if I rambled,guys)
submitted by LocalSupermarket9326 to BridgertonNetflix [link] [comments]
So I got the idea for this post after seeing so many of your wonderful opinions,since I did notice a common thread in a fair number of posts regarding the romance of this half season and,more specifically,Penelope and Colin themselves. That being: Their romance felt rushed and Colin`s characterisation came across as inconsistent/nonexistent plus Luke Newton didn`t help matters. As someone who`s enjoyed period dramas as it pertains to similar material since I was basically a child,this half season reminded me of those dramas moreso than any other season thus far. And it might just be because of these two observations,and I`d like to challenge them. Let me explain.
Firstly, I do not think Colin`s personality has been botched nor does he lack one. I`d rather say he`s just not the leading man many came to expect from Bridgerton. In fact,I think that is ever so incorporated into his struggles this year. Colin Bridgerton is the third son of the household. Not having to lead it,yet possessing that need for approval with no one to give it to him,he`s been aimless,that`s more than obvious. He is emotionally intelligent (the second one after Daphne to notice the attraction brewing between Kate and Anthony,sending her ball and having them alone),a people pleaser(always bringing his family gifts,asking if anyone needs anything,always being by Violet`s side,as she astutely points out this season). However,that backfired when he went through what he went through with Marina. He`s sensitive,words of the Ton CAN influence him,as he admits it himself. With that cocktail and his previous endeavours(even when he wanted to make something of himself on his own terms and finally gain some autonomy,proving to himself he`s just as worthy,that deal falls through),thinking that he needs to follow his brothers` example and become somewhat of a rake is rather logical. Nothing he does works,but his brothers are succeeding. His winks,brothel scenes etc. were lacking in confidence exactly because he`s putting up a front. It`s what he`s practiced and he`s just mouthing off. This is where Luke Newton`s ability shines,as you can see him doubting himself in the midst of giving bland,but charming compliments to eligible ladies on his first outing since coming back. He`s satisfying everyone but himself. Donning on a mask molded by the other men in his family. But he`s insecure and that mask shakes. He doesn`t fit this snug mold the show set out and he`s spilling out. He`s even insecure about his writing,something he genuinely enjoys. He`s not fuelled by trauma like Anthony and Simon,but by the fear of not measuring up,not being good enough. A jilted hopeless romantic yearning for attention,instead of a brooding smooth lead. And I love it. He`s funny,sweet,kind,emotionally intelligent,caring but also insecure,eager to please,running away from his problems and can be ponderous to a fault. That is where we come to his connection with Penelope.
Secondly, this idea of their romance being rushed. While I DO wish more time was given to them,what they gave us until now I can dissect with gusto. He`s subconsciously attracted to Penelope(even before Season 3) because she ponders,is introspective and on the outskirts like he is. I don`t know if it`s due to my education,but many instances of them communicating are not proper,nor well received by polite society of the time(since Season 1). The gloveless hand holding,him touching her forearm,the jokes they make,how much time they spend together,being on the first name basis. They`re comfortable with each other. One of my favorite interactions between them has to be when they talk about purpose in Season 2. In that moment,it is clear that something shifts in Colin as he looks down,smiling,his eyes going back to Pen,while she`s talking passionately about what she wants. Admiration,understanding as he sees her as something more. But he makes a blunder once again,not willing to see beyond his own insecurities. Another chance wasted. And we come to Season 3.
And both of them grow so much as characters. A bit older,but a lot more intricate. And in only 4 episodes,Colin becomes probably the most proactive leading man we`ve had,as he lunges head first,with no restraints. He`s not resistant to Violet`s advice,in fact,he welcomes it. He`s insecure but when it comes to Penelope,he`s freed from his shackles. Their story is about being free,satisfied with yourself,open to love and being loved. And,as an adult,it is so romantic. His true,romantic persona re-emerges in that carriage. Overcoming the voices in your head telling you you can`t. Being vulnerable with someone you feel will accept your pathetic side. It`s such a relatable conflict to explore. No need for love confessions for the centuries. With just a few looks you come to the same conclusion. It is glorious.
(I could go on,but this is such a long post I did not anticipate,sorry if I rambled,guys)
2024.05.18 19:28 uhguys I (35M) have had issues with my mother (68F) ever since my son was born. They keep getting worse. Should I distance myself?
This has to do with my relationship with my mother, which, since I have gotten married and had a child, had been rocky to say the least.
Five years ago, my wife (34F) and I had our first child and the first grandchild for my parents. They were ecstatic, as were we. But very quickly, issues arose. For example, when we broke the news to my parents that we were expecting, we asked them not to tell anyone, as it was very early. Within two days, all my mom's friends knew. Then, to make matters worse, my mom announced it on Facebook before we could. She was very apologetic, saying "she didn't know". Whatever. We moved on.
Our son was born and like most young parents, relied on the grandparents for assistance with child care. My mother-in-law was, and continues to be, great. Continually is in contact with us while she is watching him. Asks us things to make sure were okay with them. Side note, this is also her 8th grandchild. My mom, however, has been polar opposite. For example, we let her take our son when he was 2 to a local library for story time. We had never let anyone besides us drive him anywhere, so it was a big step for us as first time parents. Well, she took him to the library...but then over her friend's house across town without asking or telling us. We only found out when we asked if she was home yet with him. This caused by wife to blow up at my mom. Side note about my wife, she has lost 3 young family members in tragic accidents over the last 10 years, causing her to have some pretty severe anxiety when it comes to our son.
This behavior from my mom has continued since that point. Whenever she watches him, its always "Can I take him to the movies?", "Can I take him to the ice cream shop?", "Can I take him shopping with me?". Sometimes its a yes from us, but sometimes its a no. But when its a yes, my wife is always bothered by the fact that my mom always asks to take him somewhere. And when its a no, my mom gives some pushback ("Oh, my friends can take their grandkids anywhere"). One important thing to note is that my mom is a fantastic help and does do a lot for our son. There have been situations where we have been in a bind last minute and she would come watch him in the drop of a hat at all hours.
Fast forward to recently. Our son is now 5 and a half and loves spending time with my mom. When we tell him she is watching him, he gets so excited. So she came over to watch him for a full day while my wife and I worked. Throughout the day, my mom was sending me pictures of him playing outside and having a blast. Then she asked if she could take him over to her house to see my dad and brother. We said okay. Then they went back to our place and then an hour or so later, walked back to her house again. Did she ask the second time? No. Was it the biggest issue with me and my wife? No. However, it was someone annoying to us. Why does she always feel the need to do something with him? Why can't she stay at our place and play with him outside in our yard? And my mom has admitted to us that she "has a hard time staying at our house when she watches him" (she's a busy body).
So later that day, my wife sent my mom a text, in a somewhat passive-aggressive tone, saying that my mom "has no right to decide where to take him" when she's with him, including her own house when they were out on a walk. My wife also said, again, passive-aggressively (more so than I would have), that my mom appears "entitled". Well, my mom lost it. Said she's sick of being micromanaged when she watches our son. That she's held to a different standard than the other grandparents and doesn't have the same "rights" the other grandparents have. The argument then escalated into name calling and I got pulled into it with my mom texting me about my wife having a "mental illness" and "anger problems" and saying that I'd be better off getting a divorce. I will admit, I don't think my wife handles these situations the best. Her first response recently has been anger and confrontation with my mom, which doesn't help the situation. But I can see how years of this has impacted her. Side note, my wife is Hispanic and over the years, my mom has made some overt comments about this ("I love having a blended family!" when no one is asking or at our wedding when one of her friends said to her "Your mother would be rolling in her grave if she saw this wedding!" and then my mom laughing).
Now, I 100% support my wife. She is an amazing mother. Amazing. Would do anything for our son. Does her anxiety sometimes lead to her being a helicopter mom? Yes. But its because she cares and wants what's best for our son. However, is my mom held to a different standard? Yes. My mother-in-law watches our son over her house all the time. My mom doesn't really get that luxury. But its important to note that my mother-in-law lives alone and has cared for 7 other grandchildren and follows our wishes to a T. My mom, on the other hand, has my 31 year old brother who lives in the basement, openly smokes weed in the house to the point where their entire house smells like it (I don't care about weed, but I don't want a 5 year old around that), and has his less than desirable friends coming to and from the house. My parents also have two dogs that aren't the best trained and recently lost their bulldog, who would go after our son when he went over there.
So the argument continues to this day. My mom says she feels "used", like a hired babysitter and that we are "ungrateful" for all she does for our son (and, I will admit, she does a lot). She feels like she should be able to watch him over her own house because not only do her friends get to do that, but my mother-on-law gets to, as well. I have been very very open this time with her about our concerns and why this is the way it is, but I get called a bad son and bad brother in response. I also have been getting guilted by her too, with her making statements like "You'll have to live with this if something ever happens to one of us!" or "You're so uncaring, thoughtless, and selfish".
I literally don't know what to do anymore, which is why I'm here. I'm thinking the only way to solve this and live a peaceful life is to distance myself from my mom? This will have a massive impact on our lives though, as we really rely on her for child care and my son loves being with her. My mom is very loving towards our son and has waited her whole life to be a grandparent. I can respect the fact that its frustrating for her to see her friends be able to do whatever they want with their grandchildren, but not her. I get that. My wife appears to be perfectly fine never speaking with her again as this has been a powder keg, but I think I can get them into a sit-down talk. I have accepted the fact that I haven't been as up front with her (my mom) over the years as I should have been. But my mom has become defensive, argumentative, and flat out rude. My wife puts it best when she says there's a sense of entitlement from my mom. She feels like as a grandparent, she almost has some sort of parental rights. My mom has also recently lost a sister and her best friend, so I believe there is definitely some underlying depression going on, which she has admitted to. She feels like she "can't catch a break", but I get sick to my stomach seeing her text me paragraphs everyday telling me I don't defend her to my wife, that my wife is crazy, and that I will feel guilty is something happens to her or my dad.
TLDR: My mom hasn't respected our boundaries for years. Came to a head recently with her and my wife got into an argument over what my mom does when she watches our son (5M). My mom has since turned on me and called me a bad son for not defending her to my wife and thinking that "this is okay". Do I distance myself?
submitted by uhguys to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Five years ago, my wife (34F) and I had our first child and the first grandchild for my parents. They were ecstatic, as were we. But very quickly, issues arose. For example, when we broke the news to my parents that we were expecting, we asked them not to tell anyone, as it was very early. Within two days, all my mom's friends knew. Then, to make matters worse, my mom announced it on Facebook before we could. She was very apologetic, saying "she didn't know". Whatever. We moved on.
Our son was born and like most young parents, relied on the grandparents for assistance with child care. My mother-in-law was, and continues to be, great. Continually is in contact with us while she is watching him. Asks us things to make sure were okay with them. Side note, this is also her 8th grandchild. My mom, however, has been polar opposite. For example, we let her take our son when he was 2 to a local library for story time. We had never let anyone besides us drive him anywhere, so it was a big step for us as first time parents. Well, she took him to the library...but then over her friend's house across town without asking or telling us. We only found out when we asked if she was home yet with him. This caused by wife to blow up at my mom. Side note about my wife, she has lost 3 young family members in tragic accidents over the last 10 years, causing her to have some pretty severe anxiety when it comes to our son.
This behavior from my mom has continued since that point. Whenever she watches him, its always "Can I take him to the movies?", "Can I take him to the ice cream shop?", "Can I take him shopping with me?". Sometimes its a yes from us, but sometimes its a no. But when its a yes, my wife is always bothered by the fact that my mom always asks to take him somewhere. And when its a no, my mom gives some pushback ("Oh, my friends can take their grandkids anywhere"). One important thing to note is that my mom is a fantastic help and does do a lot for our son. There have been situations where we have been in a bind last minute and she would come watch him in the drop of a hat at all hours.
Fast forward to recently. Our son is now 5 and a half and loves spending time with my mom. When we tell him she is watching him, he gets so excited. So she came over to watch him for a full day while my wife and I worked. Throughout the day, my mom was sending me pictures of him playing outside and having a blast. Then she asked if she could take him over to her house to see my dad and brother. We said okay. Then they went back to our place and then an hour or so later, walked back to her house again. Did she ask the second time? No. Was it the biggest issue with me and my wife? No. However, it was someone annoying to us. Why does she always feel the need to do something with him? Why can't she stay at our place and play with him outside in our yard? And my mom has admitted to us that she "has a hard time staying at our house when she watches him" (she's a busy body).
So later that day, my wife sent my mom a text, in a somewhat passive-aggressive tone, saying that my mom "has no right to decide where to take him" when she's with him, including her own house when they were out on a walk. My wife also said, again, passive-aggressively (more so than I would have), that my mom appears "entitled". Well, my mom lost it. Said she's sick of being micromanaged when she watches our son. That she's held to a different standard than the other grandparents and doesn't have the same "rights" the other grandparents have. The argument then escalated into name calling and I got pulled into it with my mom texting me about my wife having a "mental illness" and "anger problems" and saying that I'd be better off getting a divorce. I will admit, I don't think my wife handles these situations the best. Her first response recently has been anger and confrontation with my mom, which doesn't help the situation. But I can see how years of this has impacted her. Side note, my wife is Hispanic and over the years, my mom has made some overt comments about this ("I love having a blended family!" when no one is asking or at our wedding when one of her friends said to her "Your mother would be rolling in her grave if she saw this wedding!" and then my mom laughing).
Now, I 100% support my wife. She is an amazing mother. Amazing. Would do anything for our son. Does her anxiety sometimes lead to her being a helicopter mom? Yes. But its because she cares and wants what's best for our son. However, is my mom held to a different standard? Yes. My mother-in-law watches our son over her house all the time. My mom doesn't really get that luxury. But its important to note that my mother-in-law lives alone and has cared for 7 other grandchildren and follows our wishes to a T. My mom, on the other hand, has my 31 year old brother who lives in the basement, openly smokes weed in the house to the point where their entire house smells like it (I don't care about weed, but I don't want a 5 year old around that), and has his less than desirable friends coming to and from the house. My parents also have two dogs that aren't the best trained and recently lost their bulldog, who would go after our son when he went over there.
So the argument continues to this day. My mom says she feels "used", like a hired babysitter and that we are "ungrateful" for all she does for our son (and, I will admit, she does a lot). She feels like she should be able to watch him over her own house because not only do her friends get to do that, but my mother-on-law gets to, as well. I have been very very open this time with her about our concerns and why this is the way it is, but I get called a bad son and bad brother in response. I also have been getting guilted by her too, with her making statements like "You'll have to live with this if something ever happens to one of us!" or "You're so uncaring, thoughtless, and selfish".
I literally don't know what to do anymore, which is why I'm here. I'm thinking the only way to solve this and live a peaceful life is to distance myself from my mom? This will have a massive impact on our lives though, as we really rely on her for child care and my son loves being with her. My mom is very loving towards our son and has waited her whole life to be a grandparent. I can respect the fact that its frustrating for her to see her friends be able to do whatever they want with their grandchildren, but not her. I get that. My wife appears to be perfectly fine never speaking with her again as this has been a powder keg, but I think I can get them into a sit-down talk. I have accepted the fact that I haven't been as up front with her (my mom) over the years as I should have been. But my mom has become defensive, argumentative, and flat out rude. My wife puts it best when she says there's a sense of entitlement from my mom. She feels like as a grandparent, she almost has some sort of parental rights. My mom has also recently lost a sister and her best friend, so I believe there is definitely some underlying depression going on, which she has admitted to. She feels like she "can't catch a break", but I get sick to my stomach seeing her text me paragraphs everyday telling me I don't defend her to my wife, that my wife is crazy, and that I will feel guilty is something happens to her or my dad.
TLDR: My mom hasn't respected our boundaries for years. Came to a head recently with her and my wife got into an argument over what my mom does when she watches our son (5M). My mom has since turned on me and called me a bad son for not defending her to my wife and thinking that "this is okay". Do I distance myself?
2024.05.18 19:21 IchBinMalade So, about the Album of the Year Grammy, can you help me make it make sense?
Obviously, awards are always controversial, can't please everybody. I don't really pay attention, couldn't name a single Album of the Year winner before today. I was skimming through an article and read the sentence "Outkast have the last AOTY grammy win for a hiphop album", and I thought the article must be old, but it's from last year. I thought "no way, right?" Pulled up Wikipedia, and almost every year had me thinking "What? X won over Y? What are they smoking?"
Again, thought it must be mainly based on charts/sales, and nope:
When I see these picks, I just can't believe you when you say it's about artistic achievement and technical proficiency rather than what's popular. It feels like even without hindsight you should be able to tell at least one time that your choice is not great? After writing this I'm thinking "alright I'm stupid, this is just about whoever's label lobbied the hardest."
And that's without me looking too much into the nominations themselves. Some really random nominations with forgettable albums that made no waves, while leaving out some incredible stuff. What confuses me, is that their picks often go against what both legitimate critics and audiences seem to think, so it just looks weird as hell.
submitted by IchBinMalade to LetsTalkMusic [link] [comments]
Again, thought it must be mainly based on charts/sales, and nope:
"honor artistic achievement, technical proficiency and overall excellence in the recording industry, without regard to album sales, chart position, or critical reception."To cite a few examples, it's not strictly about how often they snub hiphop, but they can't seem to get a single one right, multiple classics lose to utterly forgettable albums. I'll let go the good albums that won over classics, because hindsight is 20/20 and you can't predict what becomes a classic (for instance, How to Dismantle an Atomic bomb is alright, U2 was huge, I can see how it would win over Late Registration, I suppose). A few examples:
- Mumford & Son's Babel over, this is too funny, Channel Orange, El Camino, and Blunderbuss. Babel has some good tracks, they were a phenomenon back then, but over those three albums? Wild.
- Random Access Memories over GKMC. I get it, sort of, but they The Heist won over it too so I won't complain too much, only fact I already knew about the Grammys before this, but I thought it was a fluke lol.
- 1989 over TPAB. I actually love 1989, but in what world? I can't compute listening to TPAB and seeing its immediate impact and reception, and giving it to 1989.
- 24K Magic over literally all the nominees, lol. DAMN isn't my favorite Kendrick album, I wouldn't mind giving it to 4:44, Melodrama, Awaken My Love.
- Harry's House over In These Silent Days/Mr Morale is insane to me. It's a good album but jesus.
- And most recently, again Taylor over SZA or boygenius who I thought should've been a clear winner.
When I see these picks, I just can't believe you when you say it's about artistic achievement and technical proficiency rather than what's popular. It feels like even without hindsight you should be able to tell at least one time that your choice is not great? After writing this I'm thinking "alright I'm stupid, this is just about whoever's label lobbied the hardest."
And that's without me looking too much into the nominations themselves. Some really random nominations with forgettable albums that made no waves, while leaving out some incredible stuff. What confuses me, is that their picks often go against what both legitimate critics and audiences seem to think, so it just looks weird as hell.
2024.05.18 19:07 Aksjxbdhsxjsj Human trafficking: Job Offer Scam Bangkok/Mae Sot. Know the Signs!
Let’s make it aware that there is a job offer scam that lies and take you to Scam Factories and you become a slave, and you may even die. Post here all cases of Disappearance of people who may be associated with this type of scam.
Know The Signs! Have you been trafficked? * Did you apply for the job via Social Media (e.g. Facebook, Instagram), WhatsApp, Telegram or an online platform? * Did you have an online interview? * Have you been promised a job with a company in Thailand? * Were you promised a lucrative salary? * Did you receive a letter of confirmation for your new role? * Did you investigate the company you applied to and are they registered? * Do you have an agent or consultant handling details for you?
How to prevent yourself or someone you know from being trafficked * Never give anyone your passport! * Research the company you are applying to join. For example, check their website, search for them on social media and LinkedIn, check the legal registration of the company. * Ask for references (face to face or virtual) from current employees. * Ensure you received an official letter of offer and check the email addresses match the companies contact information. * Research the visa requirements for working in a foreign country. * Notify your countries Immigration Office of your intention to travel or contact your countries Embassy once you arrive at your destination. * If you are about to cross a river in north-west Thailand don’t, it is likely you are being trafficked into Myanmar.
Could this be your situation? If you or someone you know has been trapped in forced criminality, contact your nearest embassy or email the Global Alms Counter Trafficking Unit at admin@globalalms.com with the details.
This is a post for awareness. Let’s help each other. Only serious comments.
Below are more links to other related posts.
https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/asia/chinese-scam-operations-american-victims-intl-hnk-dst/
http://chinascope.org/archives/32233
https://youtu.be/m6qFCdHvYuI?si=rs2J71V1XIeFF7we
https://www.reddit.com/Thailand/s/L8OTm9Lvye
https://www.globalalms.com/protection
(My account created recently for privacy/scam concerns)
submitted by Aksjxbdhsxjsj to China [link] [comments]
Know The Signs! Have you been trafficked? * Did you apply for the job via Social Media (e.g. Facebook, Instagram), WhatsApp, Telegram or an online platform? * Did you have an online interview? * Have you been promised a job with a company in Thailand? * Were you promised a lucrative salary? * Did you receive a letter of confirmation for your new role? * Did you investigate the company you applied to and are they registered? * Do you have an agent or consultant handling details for you?
How to prevent yourself or someone you know from being trafficked * Never give anyone your passport! * Research the company you are applying to join. For example, check their website, search for them on social media and LinkedIn, check the legal registration of the company. * Ask for references (face to face or virtual) from current employees. * Ensure you received an official letter of offer and check the email addresses match the companies contact information. * Research the visa requirements for working in a foreign country. * Notify your countries Immigration Office of your intention to travel or contact your countries Embassy once you arrive at your destination. * If you are about to cross a river in north-west Thailand don’t, it is likely you are being trafficked into Myanmar.
Could this be your situation? If you or someone you know has been trapped in forced criminality, contact your nearest embassy or email the Global Alms Counter Trafficking Unit at admin@globalalms.com with the details.
This is a post for awareness. Let’s help each other. Only serious comments.
Below are more links to other related posts.
https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/asia/chinese-scam-operations-american-victims-intl-hnk-dst/
http://chinascope.org/archives/32233
https://youtu.be/m6qFCdHvYuI?si=rs2J71V1XIeFF7we
https://www.reddit.com/Thailand/s/L8OTm9Lvye
https://www.globalalms.com/protection
(My account created recently for privacy/scam concerns)
2024.05.18 19:02 SuchHighlight2322 Is physics sigma? My opinion about famous physics content.
(undergraduate here ) I am pretty sure most of you are familiar with these kind of videos. Videos in which "sigma " and "cool" music plays in the background and the video shows a physics concept.....the thing is I don't get it. Do you guys think it's funny or amusing??? I find it very cringe and pointless.....I love physics memes don't get me wrong and even understand the purpose of them and I believe these can made learning more appealing to all of us but these kind of videos just make me confused like ..what you you even tryna do. I would love to hear your opinion about it .
Examples https://youtube.com/shorts/qJ2XX136pFY?si=C5dm2X0Ia-l4LgE_
https://youtube.com/shorts/EysVhq62624?si=3pgab8cba6valSig
submitted by SuchHighlight2322 to PhysicsStudents [link] [comments]
Examples https://youtube.com/shorts/qJ2XX136pFY?si=C5dm2X0Ia-l4LgE_
https://youtube.com/shorts/EysVhq62624?si=3pgab8cba6valSig
2024.05.18 18:59 djavulensfitta Short story written by Joost (Brüders auf Berlin)
Hi, I know some of you have been interested in Joost’s written stuff, so this is one of them. It’s a short story that Joost wrote for Boekenweek voor Jongeren (Book Week for Young People) in 2019. There’s more info about it here (in Dutch) https://www.vice.com/nl/article/qvgzpv/joost-klein-schreef-een-kort-verhaal-over-een-wilde-nacht-in-berlijn and there was also this promo video for it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx7wxnpxps0. It's been translated from Dutch - maybe not the most perfect translation but it's readable. Original in Dutch here. Enjoy
"How come he suddenly has cash?" I looked at Gurb, but he avoided my gaze. Louis never had money and yet he was buying another round. Meanwhile, a Moby song was playing and nothing made sense. "If he has money for drinks, he can surely pay me back, right?"
Just a few hours ago, I was alone in Berlin. Now, ten hours later, I'm standing in some obscure techno club with my best friends. Loud rock music with drunken shouting. "Hey, Miss Murder, can I make beauty stay if I take my life?" I woke up that day with a mild hangover from the lonely yet people-filled night before. Perfect conditions for a 20-year-old dropout.
The Hard Rock Café was the most beautifully ugly place in Berlin. Gurb had driven for seven hours straight in his mother's car, but we didn't notice. An iconic black Mini Cooper. Your body leads your mind, the beat never stops, and you can conquer the world. Louis threw in another crazy dance move. We were happy.
"Do you want another drink, brother?" Gurb asked me, half shouting. An evening filled with rhetorical questions. He saw me dancing and already knew the answer.
Gurb always had money. Louis, on the other hand, never did. Louis was also the youngest of us three. He had just turned 18. I wouldn't call him a cunning fox. More like a jack-of-all-trades. Like the time he made a lot of money on a Wadden Island with a group of boys. They sold large blocks of hash.
"Crazy dude!" I shouted at him. He yelled something back.
"Do you remember back then?" Louis said.
"Back then? Back then? Yeah man, of course!" I had no idea what he meant. "Do you mean the party?"
"Do you mean the party, he says! This guy. When I look at you like this, it makes me happy. The exact same kid is here letting loose just like back in high school!"
We knew each other from secondary school. He joined when I was in the second grade. He was very intelligent. Too young, too much knowledge of the world. His mother is from Brazil. We often went to his mother's place to play on the Playstation Louis and I had bought together.
I lived everywhere at that time. In the crisis shelter where I stayed for a while, for example, I wasn't allowed to have a Playstation. So we set it up in an accessible place, near school. It was always fun with Louis. Going together to the Apple Store. Taking all kinds of photos with all the webcams, posting them on Hyves, and then leaving. Louis always knew how to cheer me up.
"Aaaaaaaaaa!" There was Gurb with five drinks in his hands. Gurb was wearing a blue checkered shirt. Two buttons undone. Hair slicked back. "You look good, brother!"
"You look fresh too! We all look fresh!" Gurb said enthusiastically. Louis was wearing a completely white outfit. We quickly bought this before going out. He also bleached his hair.
"You look like the Brazilian cousin of James Dean in these clothes," I said. Louis laughed. "Let me take a picture."
Suddenly, the DJ switched to some kind of techno. "Ah, here Berlin briefly takes off its mask." I was fine with it all. Louis was talking to a lady.
Voluptuous breasts, I thought to myself. He gave her one of his two drinks.
"He's with a girl and he's thinking with his dick," I said to Gurb. "Let him be, tonight Berlin is ours!"
The bass kept pounding. "I simply don't have the patience for the club," I said to Gurb. He looked surprised. Like a sweet dog, tilting his head. "I'm just waiting for tomorrow. Can't do my thing here. Don't have patience for the already known. I want adventure and I want it now!"
Gurb started laughing. "Patience is a virtue." Yes. Patience is all well and good, but I think it's a waste of my time. Gurb grabbed my shoulder.
"I think it's time for another beer."
Louis and I were walking through Leeuwarden a year ago when suddenly a red Ford Ka stopped in front of us. It was Gurb, casually driving around the city. He invited us into his car. We hopped in. Since that afternoon, the three of us were together. A few months later, Louis got a tattoo on his ribs in honor of our friendship. It was the name of our group chat. Braddar Force Indigo.
There were also days when Gurb would take me for a drive around Friesland. He reminded me how beautiful Friesland is. The world doesn't spin there. The newspapers I threw away in the Stiens forest in 2011 could still be lying in the same spot, so to speak.
Just before midnight, I found myself in line for the restroom. My eyes fell on a pair of striking shoes. Cigarette smoke invaded my nose for the fourth time. "Müssen Sie eine Zigarette haben?" a female voice spoke to me. I felt like Tom Hanks in the final scene of Angels & Demons, where the new pope first steps onto the balcony. The curtains opened. There I was, witnessing an important moment in history. I was just told how I was sent by God, but my ears didn't want to hear any of it. At least that's how I felt. My mouth was empty. I had no words left. That's when I knew for sure. Berlin might really be as crazy as literally everyone says.
Dark blond, silky hair. Was this real beauty then? She wouldn't look 40, but I think she was. A true woman. Beautiful in all her elegance. I always joked about being interested in older women, but tonight one stood in front of me. "I don't smoke," I said to her.
Someone tapped me. "Please, just go to the toilet!" He was right. I hadn't peed in a while either. My urine was cloudy. "Glomerulonephritis," I said to myself on the toilet. This is an unusual condition. It's an inflammation in the kidneys, I thought I remembered. They should never have given me access to Google.
The evening progressed, and Louis kept buying rounds. "But seriously now. How does Louis suddenly have all that money for drinks?" I asked Gurb. He was outside smoking with a group of Swiss girls. I had strategically positioned myself so that I could always leave the crime scene if necessary.
"You shouldn't ask me," said Gurb. He was laughing with the temporary girlfriend group of Louis. Gurb has a beard. A lot of chicks like that. I get it too.
As much as I enjoyed Louis and Gurb being here for me, something didn't sit right with me. It couldn't just be about the money. "What's up with him?" I heard one of the Swiss girls say to Gurb.
Those kinds of questions really tire me out. "Not much, with you?" I replied.
They all started laughing. "That's not what she meant, brother," said Gurb.
"I couldn't care less whether she meant it or not. Send that brace-face back to Switzerland. Don't drive me crazy, alright!"
Actually, I hadn't drunk that much that evening. "Two vodka Sprites, please!" It's rare for me to get just one drink. "I always get two drinks, then you have to wait shorter for the third one!" Maybe the alcohol was affecting me more than I wanted to admit. Oh well, it was still the three of us against the world.
"Nice shoes, are those Prada?" I asked a random girl at the bar.
"No, these are fake. Why would I buy real ones for 600 dollars if I could just buy these for 20?"
"..."
I'm not very good at that. Talking. To women.
Louis and Gurb were in the smoking area now. It was less blue than the dance floor itself. My clothes already stank, so a visit to the smoking area couldn't hurt. "These people are so underground!" Gurb shouted. Louis was filming him with his phone. "These people..." There was a brief pause. As if Gurb forgot the only line he had. "...so underground!" All three of us burst into laughter. The alcohol flowed through our veins as if it came from the purest mountains. People seemed doubled and the room was full. We had been in the same club in Berlin for several hours.
"Leonardo! What are you hiding from the big boss?" I sometimes called Louis ‘DiCaprio.’ "You a rich guy, now?" I said, with an accent as if I were from the Bronx.
Louis started laughing. "Eh, you know nothing. Bullshit talk."
I had to laugh too. What was I even worried about? Friends are friends, with or without money. That shouldn't matter. Louis probably just worked for that money. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. Maybe he just had enough to buy rounds. But what if my gut feeling was right? That feeling was never wrong. Except for that one time at the Holland Casino in Groningen. Even the best of us have slip-ups. I was just getting worked up again. When it comes down to it, Louis is one of the sweetest guys I know. I had to let it go. After all, it's still Louis.
"I think I'm going to have sex soon, man," Louis said.
"With who?" I asked immediately.
"That one girl."
"Which one?"
"The one with the boobs."
"Oh, her. Just be careful."
"What kind of reaction is that?" Louis asked indignantly.
I'd only had four drinks, but I was acting like a mess. Louis was right. I didn't understand myself. Where was my head at? I'm here in Berlin, supposed to be having the time of my life, but here I am feeling lonely and sad again. Joost once again couldn't control his emotions.
"Sorry," I suddenly said to Louis. "Sorry for my behavior. Been acting dumb towards you all night. It's unnecessary." Sometimes I have that. Mood swings. "Know that crime is never the solution. We've talked about this so many times. Yes, it's tempting and sometimes easy money. I sometimes find it amusing too, but it's always hypothetical. Ask me for help. I can help you, even with illegal things. I'll always have your back." The dancing was kind of over.
The words I had just placed on Louis's plate came from my heart. My Frisian, irregular boys' heart.
Crying in the club. I had never seen myself like that. Crying, yes. In the club, no. I never understood the taboo around crying. Or emotions in general. I saw myself in the mirror. They weren't tears of joy. They weren't tears of sadness either. It was me letting everything go. All the emotions I had ever felt. The emotions I felt between my brother and sister and myself because they wanted to take on a parental role over me, but I was in puberty, so I pushed them away. The emotions I felt when my old neighbors were supposed to take care of my dog, but didn't tell me that he was bitten by one of their dogs. They didn't have money for the surgery, they later told me. They were ashamed of their lack of money. My dog died from this injury. Even the emotions that were all jumping at once during the retake for my swimming diploma A, I let go of.
No emotions. Just for a moment, not feeling anything. Is that too much to ask for?
"You still don’t smoke?"
It had to be the voice of the woman with the cigarettes. I looked over my shoulder through the mirror. It was her. The one with dark blond, silky hair.
"Not to be rude, but this is the men’s room," I said. She took a step closer and kissed me on my lips. It tasted like more. We started kissing. It had been a while since I had had female contact at this level. It probably didn't look good and it didn't feel good either. She started kissing my neck. Slowly, I noticed the pressure in the erectile tissues of my penis starting to increase. "I really don't have time for this!" I thought to myself. The woman with the cigarettes started to slowly sink down until she was on her knees. I didn't want this. Not now, not like this. She unraveled my penis from my Polo Ralph Lauren underwear. Her tongue was blue. It was probably from cheap shots of alcohol.
Was this real beauty then? Was this the beginning or the end of her story? And had I become the boy my parents hoped I would be? I thought about the fact that this was once someone's little daughter. Somewhere in the world, an old man might be wondering what his daughter is doing. Am I really putting pleasure above my own morals and values?
With my semi-erect circumcised penis still exposed, I lifted her up. After giving her a kiss on her forehead, I pulled up my pants and left the toilets.
It was the usual last hour in any club ever. I met Louis and Gurb at the bar. "Should we have another drink?" I asked Gurb. "I feel like having a cocktail. Something sweet. Lots of sugar. What about you?"
Gurb looked at the menu. "A cognac would go down well right now."
"A cognac? You're only nineteen!" Gurb and Louis laughed. "Two Tequila Sunrises please!" I called to the bartender. "Also, two beers! Thanks!" I also got a beer for Louis. At first, I didn't want to, but I didn't want to spoil the mood either. Besides, I didn't want to show too much that it bothered me so much.
We danced away the last minutes. The club closed, and we decided to walk with the group of Swiss girls. Apparently, they were staying nearby.
As I lagged behind the group, one of them tried to start a conversation with me. "Are you okay?" she asked kindly.
"I'm fine. Just had too much beer. Makes me sleepy." Not true at all, but I've heard people say that.
"You’re tired? The fun has only just began!" And as she said this, she pulled something out of her inner pocket. Her clenched fist, shielded by a half jacket. Who is this girl, anyway? I thought to myself. She opened her hand flat, and right in the center of her palm lay two small pills with a smiley face on them. At least, they looked like it.
"Oh, I don’t do drugs. Sorry."
"Me neither!" And she swallowed a pill. "Now it’s your turn... Or are you scared?"
Scared? Who did this crazy Swiss witch (with really beautiful eyes) think she was. With her "are you scared". I'll show her who's scared.
"Scared? I’m not scared." I picked up the remaining pill and swallowed it.
Everything went in slow motion. Was this who I had become? Was this the same boy from high school? And just before I could swallow, I spat out the pill. She was shocked. I picked up the pill again, dried it with my jacket, and put it back in her fist. "Maybe later!" I shouted, running back to the group, over my shoulder.
I have nothing to say to 9 out of 10 peers I come across. Of course, I can be social. I can also have fun with random people in random situations, but that night, it just tired me out. I also didn't understand what we were doing there. Those girls found me strange anyway. Suddenly, I was the fifth wheel.
"We know this place where they go until 7 in the morning!" The girl leader of the group spoke. I wanted to go home. "If you guys want, you can go. Don't worry about me," I said to Gurb and Louis. The boys had a brief discussion. We agreed to stay for just a little while longer for some drinks. I consented. I was thirsty. "I'll have a Fanta, Louis."
Gurb had reached the last cigarette in his pack. Louis and a girl from the group were nowhere to be found. It didn't even bother me. This guy just walks around with some cash in his pocket and all hell breaks loose. After a night full of stimuli, I understood Louis. Of course, I understood Louis. He's a young god. Handsome, smart guy. But that didn't make me any less angry. It was purely about trust for me. Something inside me said I should stop subconsciously expecting things from people too. It prevents disappointment.
"Hotel please!" I jokingly suggested to Gurb. "Should you call Louis or should I?" I added. Gurb immediately grabbed his Android smartphone and called Louis. He put the call on speaker.
"Are you ready?" Gurb asked.
"Yeah. Sort of."
"What do you mean?"
"We didn't have sex."
"That's fine, right? Tomorrow's a new day!"
"I think I'm in love, man," Louis said.
"...," Gurb said, chuckling as he let out a sigh.
Once we arrived at the girls' hostel, it was already getting light. Louis was thankfully back. There were stains on his pants, around his knees. My focus was solely on arranging a taxi. Although the boys were still flirting, I was really done now. "How are we going to pay for this taxi?" I said a bit too loudly.
There was a silence. "Don't worry. I still have cash," Gurb said.
"Yeah, I knew you would," I replied.
My words clearly hit Louis. "What do you mean by that?" he said.
It was as if time stood still for a few seconds. "Exactly what I said. Better listen." Louis pulled out a small wad of green bills from his pocket. At least 400 euros. "I don't even want to see that money," I reacted. I walked away.
I'll just order a taxi myself.
"Why are you walking away now?" Gurb said.
"Twelve hours ago, I was alone too, and I had a lot more fun then."
"Do you really want to know how I got this money?" Louis said.
Yes, I did want to know. My whole evening revolved around that damn money.
He took a second of pause before he began speaking. "The answer lies in the Mini."
What on earth could be in Gurb's mother's car? Louis was trying to get into my head. "Taxi!"
Once in the taxi, the division was clear. Gurb was upfront, chatting animatedly with the driver. All adventures ever were recounted. Louis and I in the back. One of my best friends since I was thirteen. Funny how things turn out. It was quiet between us. I was in my head, rehearsing how I would bring up the money again. It didn't add up, and he knew it himself. "I don't care, you know," I said, hoping he'd break.
"What don't you care about?"
"About that money."
"What money? You're really a crazy woozy man." Louis burst out laughing again.
On the other hand, it was silent. Gurb had started talking about the driver's family. The driver didn't appreciate it. Gurb meant well. The driver smelled of alcohol. Or was it me? His nails were polished. Maybe his wife was a specialist. I bite my nails myself. Like now.
"In the Mini, oh yeah."
"Shut up. Illegal man."
"You'll never know."
"Stop playing. Just say it!"
Louis grabbed my head, pulled himself towards me, and brought his mouth to my right ear. "Why so serious?" he whispered. He didn't want to tell me.
"But always with this damn money, huh?" I almost shouted at Louis. I broke every silence within a radius of 10 kilometers.
"I'm trying my best, bro. It is what it is. I can't make it any different," he replied. It was clearly bothering him deeply. He ran his hands through his hair. "Sometimes people have to do things. And you know that better than anyone. Sometimes they have to do things they don't really want to or aren't supposed to do."
I knew this spiel all too well. Through all the drunken haziness, I suddenly saw a small glimmer of light. A tiny spark of sincerity. Louis was serious this time.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to involve you in this. I'm sorry," sweat dripped from his forehead.
"You're serious, huh? Damn, man. What mess have you gotten yourself into now? Worse than Terschelling?" Worse than Terschelling would mean stolen goods. Maybe even violence.
"It's not what you think."
"The Adlon Hotel, right?" the driver chimed in. Always saved by the bell, that Louis.
Suddenly I hit my head against the seat in front of me. Of course, I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. The last thing I saw was Gurb waking up in panic from his drunken stupor. One by one, I started losing my senses. It started with the feeling in my fingers. For a brief moment, everything wasn't quite black, and I could only see a vague pattern of colors repeating inside my eyelids. You could compare it to the brief moment after the commercial break before the movie starts in the cinema. The movie was about to begin.
I knew I wasn't dying. At least not yet. Not like this. Not after an overall mediocre night out in Berlin. I found comfort in the image I forced myself to see. It was all in my head. There I was, unconscious.
I saw myself in a third-person point of view. It wasn't like I was actually leaving my body. More like there was a webcam hanging in one of the upper corners of the taxi.
As a child, I used to dream a lot about death. Nights spent awake.
At some point, I developed a kind of compulsive behavior. I kept swaying my torso from left to right with my hands under my head. It became almost like a workout before bedtime. Every night.
I called it dream shuffling. Just like I had learned to shuffle puzzle pieces or playing cards. Making things a little exciting for yourself. But what I almost never told anyone was that I was scared. I was afraid of burglars, who were very agile and muscular.
Especially afraid that they would murder me. I really wanted to know what death was like. It scared me.
These fear visions originated during an all-inclusive vacation in Turkey. I was 6 years old and already in bed. There was a big old TV in our hotel room, so I could secretly watch TV from bed. Every evening, my parents sat on the balcony. Here they discussed their day while enjoying a glass of alcohol. There was a Japanese animated series on TV. In the few seconds that I watched, I saw a scary creature climbing a sort of apartment complex via the balconies. The creature had hundreds of teeth and blond hair. It quickly entered to decapitate the people, then drained them and, as a final insult, robbed them. Dozens of carcasses of dead people were scattered around the apartment complex. The complex on TV resembled the resort where we were in reality, and the TV world merged with my surroundings. I became part of it. I saw people watching. No matter how loudly I screamed for help, they didn't react. The sun became very bright, and the people turned into nothing more than shadows. As the intensity of the sun increased, something became clear to me. These were not people. They had a sort of orange skin. Where I had previously thought it was their nose and mouth, it turned out that these shadowy figures did not have such physical features. They simply had three holes in their heads. The police tried to do something, but in vain. Since then, we always kept the light on in the hallway outside my bedroom. By rocking back and forth, from left to right, I could glance fleetingly at the beam of light under the door. That bit of light, escaping from the hallway into my room, gave me an advantage. It allowed me to stay one step ahead of the burglars. Pretty smart, right?
"From Jamaica to the world!
It’s just love. Why must the children play in the street?"
It was Bob Sinclar with "Love Generation" speaking to us through the taxi's speakers. We were stationary. I was conscious again, but I didn't feel alive at all. "How long was I out?" I asked Louis.
I could tell by his expression that he was relieved. Relieved that I was back. "One minute," he almost apologized. Louis gave me a pat on the shoulder. Gurb, on the other hand, was sleeping. He slept like a baby cub.
I put my right index finger on my forehead. It felt wet, but it wasn't blood. Blood feels different. Meanwhile, I kept hearing whistling.
"Be the love generation! Oh yeah!" It was still that same song by Bob Sinclar.
The earlier scent of alcohol had now been replaced by the smell of incense. It smelled like the same incense I had in my room. Sold to me as Tibetan 39 incense. I had bought it at a coffee shop in Rotterdam. I pulled up my notes on my phone. "Who lights incense in a CAR????" I let Louis read from my screen. He took the phone from my hands and started typing as well.
"Look at Gurb >>>" Gurb was so deeply asleep that his head drooped. His seatbelt held his torso in place, but his head ended up on the driver's shoulder. The man didn't mind. He didn't move. I made eye contact with the driver through the rearview mirror, and soon I found him. He winked at me.
We arrived at the hotel. Gurb awakened from his alcoholic hibernation. "Who's going to pay for the taxi?" I asked. Clearly rhetorical. I already knew I would take this one for the team, as usual. I refused to use Louis's money. It was uncomfortably quiet. "By card please," I said.
"I'll always protect you, Louis. You really need to know that. I care about you like my own little brother. I'll always try to help you. But you have to be honest with me. Can you do that?" Louis didn't hesitate.
"Yes. Yes, I can. I'll show you. It's really in the Mini." Meanwhile, the taxi driver's card machine indicated that I had insufficient funds. That couldn't be right. Maybe I had withdrawn too much that evening.
"I have cash in the hotel room," Gurb said to me. Gurb informed the driver in broken English that he would go get his cash. The driver agreed. Money is money, whether it comes now or later. As long as it feels good in your hands.
Louis and I got out of the taxi. "You're not going to light a cigarette now, are you?" Louis wanted to smoke. "Especially for stress. That's really for people who can't handle pain. You need to feel pain. Pain needs to brand you for the rest of your life so you finally learn not to do such stupid things." It fell silent again. My blood boiled. All pots were on the stove. I felt like Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen. "Show me then. Do it."
Louis remained silent and walked around the corner of the hotel. Towards the parking lot. I followed him. "You're not going to find much," said Louis.
"Why not? Are you a magician?"
"No. Just. Not much."
"So there's suddenly magically nothing in Gurb's car?"
"Stop. Get out. Get out of my head!" Louis shouted. Louis had had enough. He was done with the parade. Normally we dealt with hypothetical stories. Only this time it wasn't a joke. I was sure now. Louis had dropped his mask. The revolution had begun. The government had fallen and the dikes had broken. The people were in charge. "You shouldn't freak out like this. Always wanting more. Sweet boy, think about yourself."
After Gurb gave the money to the driver, he came to us. He had a smile on his face, lit a cigarette, and exclaimed, "Brothers!" Once with us, he hugged me. He started laughing. "Maybe I haven't been entirely honest either." Sometimes Gurb seemed like a 38-year-old man. In a positive way. He exuded confidence in a way I didn't often see. Affectionate, with a hint of authority.
We stood in the middle of a large parking lot. "Look. We've reached a point where I might not even care anymore. You guys are teasing me." It did matter to me. Maybe more than ever. I was supposed to be two steps ahead of them, but I couldn't figure it out. "I give up."
The delightful silence returned. Louis and Gurb looked at each other. "You guys win. Apparently, I'm not to be trusted as a friend."
From Louis's expression, I could tell he disagreed with this. "Not true. Come to the car."
We arrived at the car. Louis unlocked it and searched for the trunk button. Gurb had started his third cigarette. "It's a corpse, isn't it? Say it now. I can still help you. I can still help us. I can book a ticket for you. We can get you out of here," I said to Louis.
"Just wait. Nutcase."
"Why won't you accept my help?"
Louis started laughing nervously. Or at least it seemed that way. Perhaps a sly laugh too. Had Louis killed someone? "It's not a corpse. That can't be. You wouldn't be stupid enough to use their ID. You're smarter than that. So it must be something stolen. Haven't you found that button yet?"
Suddenly, we heard a click. Louis had found the button. Somewhere, I didn't want to know. Shouldn't I just trust Louis? Wasn't that the whole point of friendship?
Finally, the moment had arrived. I placed my right hand in the slot of the rear hatch. Something in me doubted. Still. I still doubted. Louis looked dead serious. "You wanted to know, didn't you? Then you also have to be man enough to accept it." Louis was clearly not joking. Or was he acting again? "Pussy," Louis said. I looked away. "You're afraid of what's inside, huh? You're afraid of the real Louis." He began to laugh manically. "Open that thing, man. Nutcase!"
I started laughing too. Why did I make such a big deal out of it? Sweat broke out from every pore in my body. It was even a bit damp in the no man's land between my scrotum and my anus. A tropical climate. It had been quite an adventure the whole evening. I took my hand off the rear hatch and first gave Louis a hug. Not some half-hearted birthday wish. No, a real hug.
"It's okay, buddy," Louis said to me. I had no idea what he meant by that. It fit the moment though.
It was really time now. I opened the rear hatch.
"Where is it?"
"In front of you," said Louis.
"In some secret compartment?"
There was nothing in the trunk. Absolutely nothing. An empty trunk. For an empty evening, in an empty Berlin, with an empty group of guys. I didn't get it.
"You won, man," I whispered. "You finally fucking done did it."
I couldn't believe my eyes. Empty? There was still nothing in the car. Louis just stood there. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I had felt every emotion this evening. Seen every color and smelled every scent. I was done. My body was ready. No longer needed. My mission was complete.
"But why did you do this?" I asked Louis, laughing.
He scratched his chin. It felt like the end of a bad movie.
"I sold our Playstation. Wanted to tell you only after I had sorted everything out again. I terminated my lease. Had some debts, and I also wanted to have some money for once. Once not empty-handed in the club. Once not dependent on my best friends. This is not who I am... I know how much that Playstation meant to you. It was ours together. I should have just told you."
"… and how does Gurb actually make his money?"
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"How come he suddenly has cash?" I looked at Gurb, but he avoided my gaze. Louis never had money and yet he was buying another round. Meanwhile, a Moby song was playing and nothing made sense. "If he has money for drinks, he can surely pay me back, right?"
Just a few hours ago, I was alone in Berlin. Now, ten hours later, I'm standing in some obscure techno club with my best friends. Loud rock music with drunken shouting. "Hey, Miss Murder, can I make beauty stay if I take my life?" I woke up that day with a mild hangover from the lonely yet people-filled night before. Perfect conditions for a 20-year-old dropout.
The Hard Rock Café was the most beautifully ugly place in Berlin. Gurb had driven for seven hours straight in his mother's car, but we didn't notice. An iconic black Mini Cooper. Your body leads your mind, the beat never stops, and you can conquer the world. Louis threw in another crazy dance move. We were happy.
"Do you want another drink, brother?" Gurb asked me, half shouting. An evening filled with rhetorical questions. He saw me dancing and already knew the answer.
Gurb always had money. Louis, on the other hand, never did. Louis was also the youngest of us three. He had just turned 18. I wouldn't call him a cunning fox. More like a jack-of-all-trades. Like the time he made a lot of money on a Wadden Island with a group of boys. They sold large blocks of hash.
"Crazy dude!" I shouted at him. He yelled something back.
"Do you remember back then?" Louis said.
"Back then? Back then? Yeah man, of course!" I had no idea what he meant. "Do you mean the party?"
"Do you mean the party, he says! This guy. When I look at you like this, it makes me happy. The exact same kid is here letting loose just like back in high school!"
We knew each other from secondary school. He joined when I was in the second grade. He was very intelligent. Too young, too much knowledge of the world. His mother is from Brazil. We often went to his mother's place to play on the Playstation Louis and I had bought together.
I lived everywhere at that time. In the crisis shelter where I stayed for a while, for example, I wasn't allowed to have a Playstation. So we set it up in an accessible place, near school. It was always fun with Louis. Going together to the Apple Store. Taking all kinds of photos with all the webcams, posting them on Hyves, and then leaving. Louis always knew how to cheer me up.
"Aaaaaaaaaa!" There was Gurb with five drinks in his hands. Gurb was wearing a blue checkered shirt. Two buttons undone. Hair slicked back. "You look good, brother!"
"You look fresh too! We all look fresh!" Gurb said enthusiastically. Louis was wearing a completely white outfit. We quickly bought this before going out. He also bleached his hair.
"You look like the Brazilian cousin of James Dean in these clothes," I said. Louis laughed. "Let me take a picture."
Suddenly, the DJ switched to some kind of techno. "Ah, here Berlin briefly takes off its mask." I was fine with it all. Louis was talking to a lady.
Voluptuous breasts, I thought to myself. He gave her one of his two drinks.
"He's with a girl and he's thinking with his dick," I said to Gurb. "Let him be, tonight Berlin is ours!"
The bass kept pounding. "I simply don't have the patience for the club," I said to Gurb. He looked surprised. Like a sweet dog, tilting his head. "I'm just waiting for tomorrow. Can't do my thing here. Don't have patience for the already known. I want adventure and I want it now!"
Gurb started laughing. "Patience is a virtue." Yes. Patience is all well and good, but I think it's a waste of my time. Gurb grabbed my shoulder.
"I think it's time for another beer."
Louis and I were walking through Leeuwarden a year ago when suddenly a red Ford Ka stopped in front of us. It was Gurb, casually driving around the city. He invited us into his car. We hopped in. Since that afternoon, the three of us were together. A few months later, Louis got a tattoo on his ribs in honor of our friendship. It was the name of our group chat. Braddar Force Indigo.
There were also days when Gurb would take me for a drive around Friesland. He reminded me how beautiful Friesland is. The world doesn't spin there. The newspapers I threw away in the Stiens forest in 2011 could still be lying in the same spot, so to speak.
Just before midnight, I found myself in line for the restroom. My eyes fell on a pair of striking shoes. Cigarette smoke invaded my nose for the fourth time. "Müssen Sie eine Zigarette haben?" a female voice spoke to me. I felt like Tom Hanks in the final scene of Angels & Demons, where the new pope first steps onto the balcony. The curtains opened. There I was, witnessing an important moment in history. I was just told how I was sent by God, but my ears didn't want to hear any of it. At least that's how I felt. My mouth was empty. I had no words left. That's when I knew for sure. Berlin might really be as crazy as literally everyone says.
Dark blond, silky hair. Was this real beauty then? She wouldn't look 40, but I think she was. A true woman. Beautiful in all her elegance. I always joked about being interested in older women, but tonight one stood in front of me. "I don't smoke," I said to her.
Someone tapped me. "Please, just go to the toilet!" He was right. I hadn't peed in a while either. My urine was cloudy. "Glomerulonephritis," I said to myself on the toilet. This is an unusual condition. It's an inflammation in the kidneys, I thought I remembered. They should never have given me access to Google.
The evening progressed, and Louis kept buying rounds. "But seriously now. How does Louis suddenly have all that money for drinks?" I asked Gurb. He was outside smoking with a group of Swiss girls. I had strategically positioned myself so that I could always leave the crime scene if necessary.
"You shouldn't ask me," said Gurb. He was laughing with the temporary girlfriend group of Louis. Gurb has a beard. A lot of chicks like that. I get it too.
As much as I enjoyed Louis and Gurb being here for me, something didn't sit right with me. It couldn't just be about the money. "What's up with him?" I heard one of the Swiss girls say to Gurb.
Those kinds of questions really tire me out. "Not much, with you?" I replied.
They all started laughing. "That's not what she meant, brother," said Gurb.
"I couldn't care less whether she meant it or not. Send that brace-face back to Switzerland. Don't drive me crazy, alright!"
Actually, I hadn't drunk that much that evening. "Two vodka Sprites, please!" It's rare for me to get just one drink. "I always get two drinks, then you have to wait shorter for the third one!" Maybe the alcohol was affecting me more than I wanted to admit. Oh well, it was still the three of us against the world.
"Nice shoes, are those Prada?" I asked a random girl at the bar.
"No, these are fake. Why would I buy real ones for 600 dollars if I could just buy these for 20?"
"..."
I'm not very good at that. Talking. To women.
Louis and Gurb were in the smoking area now. It was less blue than the dance floor itself. My clothes already stank, so a visit to the smoking area couldn't hurt. "These people are so underground!" Gurb shouted. Louis was filming him with his phone. "These people..." There was a brief pause. As if Gurb forgot the only line he had. "...so underground!" All three of us burst into laughter. The alcohol flowed through our veins as if it came from the purest mountains. People seemed doubled and the room was full. We had been in the same club in Berlin for several hours.
"Leonardo! What are you hiding from the big boss?" I sometimes called Louis ‘DiCaprio.’ "You a rich guy, now?" I said, with an accent as if I were from the Bronx.
Louis started laughing. "Eh, you know nothing. Bullshit talk."
I had to laugh too. What was I even worried about? Friends are friends, with or without money. That shouldn't matter. Louis probably just worked for that money. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. Maybe he just had enough to buy rounds. But what if my gut feeling was right? That feeling was never wrong. Except for that one time at the Holland Casino in Groningen. Even the best of us have slip-ups. I was just getting worked up again. When it comes down to it, Louis is one of the sweetest guys I know. I had to let it go. After all, it's still Louis.
"I think I'm going to have sex soon, man," Louis said.
"With who?" I asked immediately.
"That one girl."
"Which one?"
"The one with the boobs."
"Oh, her. Just be careful."
"What kind of reaction is that?" Louis asked indignantly.
I'd only had four drinks, but I was acting like a mess. Louis was right. I didn't understand myself. Where was my head at? I'm here in Berlin, supposed to be having the time of my life, but here I am feeling lonely and sad again. Joost once again couldn't control his emotions.
"Sorry," I suddenly said to Louis. "Sorry for my behavior. Been acting dumb towards you all night. It's unnecessary." Sometimes I have that. Mood swings. "Know that crime is never the solution. We've talked about this so many times. Yes, it's tempting and sometimes easy money. I sometimes find it amusing too, but it's always hypothetical. Ask me for help. I can help you, even with illegal things. I'll always have your back." The dancing was kind of over.
The words I had just placed on Louis's plate came from my heart. My Frisian, irregular boys' heart.
Crying in the club. I had never seen myself like that. Crying, yes. In the club, no. I never understood the taboo around crying. Or emotions in general. I saw myself in the mirror. They weren't tears of joy. They weren't tears of sadness either. It was me letting everything go. All the emotions I had ever felt. The emotions I felt between my brother and sister and myself because they wanted to take on a parental role over me, but I was in puberty, so I pushed them away. The emotions I felt when my old neighbors were supposed to take care of my dog, but didn't tell me that he was bitten by one of their dogs. They didn't have money for the surgery, they later told me. They were ashamed of their lack of money. My dog died from this injury. Even the emotions that were all jumping at once during the retake for my swimming diploma A, I let go of.
No emotions. Just for a moment, not feeling anything. Is that too much to ask for?
"You still don’t smoke?"
It had to be the voice of the woman with the cigarettes. I looked over my shoulder through the mirror. It was her. The one with dark blond, silky hair.
"Not to be rude, but this is the men’s room," I said. She took a step closer and kissed me on my lips. It tasted like more. We started kissing. It had been a while since I had had female contact at this level. It probably didn't look good and it didn't feel good either. She started kissing my neck. Slowly, I noticed the pressure in the erectile tissues of my penis starting to increase. "I really don't have time for this!" I thought to myself. The woman with the cigarettes started to slowly sink down until she was on her knees. I didn't want this. Not now, not like this. She unraveled my penis from my Polo Ralph Lauren underwear. Her tongue was blue. It was probably from cheap shots of alcohol.
Was this real beauty then? Was this the beginning or the end of her story? And had I become the boy my parents hoped I would be? I thought about the fact that this was once someone's little daughter. Somewhere in the world, an old man might be wondering what his daughter is doing. Am I really putting pleasure above my own morals and values?
With my semi-erect circumcised penis still exposed, I lifted her up. After giving her a kiss on her forehead, I pulled up my pants and left the toilets.
It was the usual last hour in any club ever. I met Louis and Gurb at the bar. "Should we have another drink?" I asked Gurb. "I feel like having a cocktail. Something sweet. Lots of sugar. What about you?"
Gurb looked at the menu. "A cognac would go down well right now."
"A cognac? You're only nineteen!" Gurb and Louis laughed. "Two Tequila Sunrises please!" I called to the bartender. "Also, two beers! Thanks!" I also got a beer for Louis. At first, I didn't want to, but I didn't want to spoil the mood either. Besides, I didn't want to show too much that it bothered me so much.
We danced away the last minutes. The club closed, and we decided to walk with the group of Swiss girls. Apparently, they were staying nearby.
As I lagged behind the group, one of them tried to start a conversation with me. "Are you okay?" she asked kindly.
"I'm fine. Just had too much beer. Makes me sleepy." Not true at all, but I've heard people say that.
"You’re tired? The fun has only just began!" And as she said this, she pulled something out of her inner pocket. Her clenched fist, shielded by a half jacket. Who is this girl, anyway? I thought to myself. She opened her hand flat, and right in the center of her palm lay two small pills with a smiley face on them. At least, they looked like it.
"Oh, I don’t do drugs. Sorry."
"Me neither!" And she swallowed a pill. "Now it’s your turn... Or are you scared?"
Scared? Who did this crazy Swiss witch (with really beautiful eyes) think she was. With her "are you scared". I'll show her who's scared.
"Scared? I’m not scared." I picked up the remaining pill and swallowed it.
Everything went in slow motion. Was this who I had become? Was this the same boy from high school? And just before I could swallow, I spat out the pill. She was shocked. I picked up the pill again, dried it with my jacket, and put it back in her fist. "Maybe later!" I shouted, running back to the group, over my shoulder.
I have nothing to say to 9 out of 10 peers I come across. Of course, I can be social. I can also have fun with random people in random situations, but that night, it just tired me out. I also didn't understand what we were doing there. Those girls found me strange anyway. Suddenly, I was the fifth wheel.
"We know this place where they go until 7 in the morning!" The girl leader of the group spoke. I wanted to go home. "If you guys want, you can go. Don't worry about me," I said to Gurb and Louis. The boys had a brief discussion. We agreed to stay for just a little while longer for some drinks. I consented. I was thirsty. "I'll have a Fanta, Louis."
Gurb had reached the last cigarette in his pack. Louis and a girl from the group were nowhere to be found. It didn't even bother me. This guy just walks around with some cash in his pocket and all hell breaks loose. After a night full of stimuli, I understood Louis. Of course, I understood Louis. He's a young god. Handsome, smart guy. But that didn't make me any less angry. It was purely about trust for me. Something inside me said I should stop subconsciously expecting things from people too. It prevents disappointment.
"Hotel please!" I jokingly suggested to Gurb. "Should you call Louis or should I?" I added. Gurb immediately grabbed his Android smartphone and called Louis. He put the call on speaker.
"Are you ready?" Gurb asked.
"Yeah. Sort of."
"What do you mean?"
"We didn't have sex."
"That's fine, right? Tomorrow's a new day!"
"I think I'm in love, man," Louis said.
"...," Gurb said, chuckling as he let out a sigh.
Once we arrived at the girls' hostel, it was already getting light. Louis was thankfully back. There were stains on his pants, around his knees. My focus was solely on arranging a taxi. Although the boys were still flirting, I was really done now. "How are we going to pay for this taxi?" I said a bit too loudly.
There was a silence. "Don't worry. I still have cash," Gurb said.
"Yeah, I knew you would," I replied.
My words clearly hit Louis. "What do you mean by that?" he said.
It was as if time stood still for a few seconds. "Exactly what I said. Better listen." Louis pulled out a small wad of green bills from his pocket. At least 400 euros. "I don't even want to see that money," I reacted. I walked away.
I'll just order a taxi myself.
"Why are you walking away now?" Gurb said.
"Twelve hours ago, I was alone too, and I had a lot more fun then."
"Do you really want to know how I got this money?" Louis said.
Yes, I did want to know. My whole evening revolved around that damn money.
He took a second of pause before he began speaking. "The answer lies in the Mini."
What on earth could be in Gurb's mother's car? Louis was trying to get into my head. "Taxi!"
Once in the taxi, the division was clear. Gurb was upfront, chatting animatedly with the driver. All adventures ever were recounted. Louis and I in the back. One of my best friends since I was thirteen. Funny how things turn out. It was quiet between us. I was in my head, rehearsing how I would bring up the money again. It didn't add up, and he knew it himself. "I don't care, you know," I said, hoping he'd break.
"What don't you care about?"
"About that money."
"What money? You're really a crazy woozy man." Louis burst out laughing again.
On the other hand, it was silent. Gurb had started talking about the driver's family. The driver didn't appreciate it. Gurb meant well. The driver smelled of alcohol. Or was it me? His nails were polished. Maybe his wife was a specialist. I bite my nails myself. Like now.
"In the Mini, oh yeah."
"Shut up. Illegal man."
"You'll never know."
"Stop playing. Just say it!"
Louis grabbed my head, pulled himself towards me, and brought his mouth to my right ear. "Why so serious?" he whispered. He didn't want to tell me.
"But always with this damn money, huh?" I almost shouted at Louis. I broke every silence within a radius of 10 kilometers.
"I'm trying my best, bro. It is what it is. I can't make it any different," he replied. It was clearly bothering him deeply. He ran his hands through his hair. "Sometimes people have to do things. And you know that better than anyone. Sometimes they have to do things they don't really want to or aren't supposed to do."
I knew this spiel all too well. Through all the drunken haziness, I suddenly saw a small glimmer of light. A tiny spark of sincerity. Louis was serious this time.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to involve you in this. I'm sorry," sweat dripped from his forehead.
"You're serious, huh? Damn, man. What mess have you gotten yourself into now? Worse than Terschelling?" Worse than Terschelling would mean stolen goods. Maybe even violence.
"It's not what you think."
"The Adlon Hotel, right?" the driver chimed in. Always saved by the bell, that Louis.
Suddenly I hit my head against the seat in front of me. Of course, I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. The last thing I saw was Gurb waking up in panic from his drunken stupor. One by one, I started losing my senses. It started with the feeling in my fingers. For a brief moment, everything wasn't quite black, and I could only see a vague pattern of colors repeating inside my eyelids. You could compare it to the brief moment after the commercial break before the movie starts in the cinema. The movie was about to begin.
I knew I wasn't dying. At least not yet. Not like this. Not after an overall mediocre night out in Berlin. I found comfort in the image I forced myself to see. It was all in my head. There I was, unconscious.
I saw myself in a third-person point of view. It wasn't like I was actually leaving my body. More like there was a webcam hanging in one of the upper corners of the taxi.
As a child, I used to dream a lot about death. Nights spent awake.
At some point, I developed a kind of compulsive behavior. I kept swaying my torso from left to right with my hands under my head. It became almost like a workout before bedtime. Every night.
I called it dream shuffling. Just like I had learned to shuffle puzzle pieces or playing cards. Making things a little exciting for yourself. But what I almost never told anyone was that I was scared. I was afraid of burglars, who were very agile and muscular.
Especially afraid that they would murder me. I really wanted to know what death was like. It scared me.
These fear visions originated during an all-inclusive vacation in Turkey. I was 6 years old and already in bed. There was a big old TV in our hotel room, so I could secretly watch TV from bed. Every evening, my parents sat on the balcony. Here they discussed their day while enjoying a glass of alcohol. There was a Japanese animated series on TV. In the few seconds that I watched, I saw a scary creature climbing a sort of apartment complex via the balconies. The creature had hundreds of teeth and blond hair. It quickly entered to decapitate the people, then drained them and, as a final insult, robbed them. Dozens of carcasses of dead people were scattered around the apartment complex. The complex on TV resembled the resort where we were in reality, and the TV world merged with my surroundings. I became part of it. I saw people watching. No matter how loudly I screamed for help, they didn't react. The sun became very bright, and the people turned into nothing more than shadows. As the intensity of the sun increased, something became clear to me. These were not people. They had a sort of orange skin. Where I had previously thought it was their nose and mouth, it turned out that these shadowy figures did not have such physical features. They simply had three holes in their heads. The police tried to do something, but in vain. Since then, we always kept the light on in the hallway outside my bedroom. By rocking back and forth, from left to right, I could glance fleetingly at the beam of light under the door. That bit of light, escaping from the hallway into my room, gave me an advantage. It allowed me to stay one step ahead of the burglars. Pretty smart, right?
"From Jamaica to the world!
It’s just love. Why must the children play in the street?"
It was Bob Sinclar with "Love Generation" speaking to us through the taxi's speakers. We were stationary. I was conscious again, but I didn't feel alive at all. "How long was I out?" I asked Louis.
I could tell by his expression that he was relieved. Relieved that I was back. "One minute," he almost apologized. Louis gave me a pat on the shoulder. Gurb, on the other hand, was sleeping. He slept like a baby cub.
I put my right index finger on my forehead. It felt wet, but it wasn't blood. Blood feels different. Meanwhile, I kept hearing whistling.
"Be the love generation! Oh yeah!" It was still that same song by Bob Sinclar.
The earlier scent of alcohol had now been replaced by the smell of incense. It smelled like the same incense I had in my room. Sold to me as Tibetan 39 incense. I had bought it at a coffee shop in Rotterdam. I pulled up my notes on my phone. "Who lights incense in a CAR????" I let Louis read from my screen. He took the phone from my hands and started typing as well.
"Look at Gurb >>>" Gurb was so deeply asleep that his head drooped. His seatbelt held his torso in place, but his head ended up on the driver's shoulder. The man didn't mind. He didn't move. I made eye contact with the driver through the rearview mirror, and soon I found him. He winked at me.
We arrived at the hotel. Gurb awakened from his alcoholic hibernation. "Who's going to pay for the taxi?" I asked. Clearly rhetorical. I already knew I would take this one for the team, as usual. I refused to use Louis's money. It was uncomfortably quiet. "By card please," I said.
"I'll always protect you, Louis. You really need to know that. I care about you like my own little brother. I'll always try to help you. But you have to be honest with me. Can you do that?" Louis didn't hesitate.
"Yes. Yes, I can. I'll show you. It's really in the Mini." Meanwhile, the taxi driver's card machine indicated that I had insufficient funds. That couldn't be right. Maybe I had withdrawn too much that evening.
"I have cash in the hotel room," Gurb said to me. Gurb informed the driver in broken English that he would go get his cash. The driver agreed. Money is money, whether it comes now or later. As long as it feels good in your hands.
Louis and I got out of the taxi. "You're not going to light a cigarette now, are you?" Louis wanted to smoke. "Especially for stress. That's really for people who can't handle pain. You need to feel pain. Pain needs to brand you for the rest of your life so you finally learn not to do such stupid things." It fell silent again. My blood boiled. All pots were on the stove. I felt like Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen. "Show me then. Do it."
Louis remained silent and walked around the corner of the hotel. Towards the parking lot. I followed him. "You're not going to find much," said Louis.
"Why not? Are you a magician?"
"No. Just. Not much."
"So there's suddenly magically nothing in Gurb's car?"
"Stop. Get out. Get out of my head!" Louis shouted. Louis had had enough. He was done with the parade. Normally we dealt with hypothetical stories. Only this time it wasn't a joke. I was sure now. Louis had dropped his mask. The revolution had begun. The government had fallen and the dikes had broken. The people were in charge. "You shouldn't freak out like this. Always wanting more. Sweet boy, think about yourself."
After Gurb gave the money to the driver, he came to us. He had a smile on his face, lit a cigarette, and exclaimed, "Brothers!" Once with us, he hugged me. He started laughing. "Maybe I haven't been entirely honest either." Sometimes Gurb seemed like a 38-year-old man. In a positive way. He exuded confidence in a way I didn't often see. Affectionate, with a hint of authority.
We stood in the middle of a large parking lot. "Look. We've reached a point where I might not even care anymore. You guys are teasing me." It did matter to me. Maybe more than ever. I was supposed to be two steps ahead of them, but I couldn't figure it out. "I give up."
The delightful silence returned. Louis and Gurb looked at each other. "You guys win. Apparently, I'm not to be trusted as a friend."
From Louis's expression, I could tell he disagreed with this. "Not true. Come to the car."
We arrived at the car. Louis unlocked it and searched for the trunk button. Gurb had started his third cigarette. "It's a corpse, isn't it? Say it now. I can still help you. I can still help us. I can book a ticket for you. We can get you out of here," I said to Louis.
"Just wait. Nutcase."
"Why won't you accept my help?"
Louis started laughing nervously. Or at least it seemed that way. Perhaps a sly laugh too. Had Louis killed someone? "It's not a corpse. That can't be. You wouldn't be stupid enough to use their ID. You're smarter than that. So it must be something stolen. Haven't you found that button yet?"
Suddenly, we heard a click. Louis had found the button. Somewhere, I didn't want to know. Shouldn't I just trust Louis? Wasn't that the whole point of friendship?
Finally, the moment had arrived. I placed my right hand in the slot of the rear hatch. Something in me doubted. Still. I still doubted. Louis looked dead serious. "You wanted to know, didn't you? Then you also have to be man enough to accept it." Louis was clearly not joking. Or was he acting again? "Pussy," Louis said. I looked away. "You're afraid of what's inside, huh? You're afraid of the real Louis." He began to laugh manically. "Open that thing, man. Nutcase!"
I started laughing too. Why did I make such a big deal out of it? Sweat broke out from every pore in my body. It was even a bit damp in the no man's land between my scrotum and my anus. A tropical climate. It had been quite an adventure the whole evening. I took my hand off the rear hatch and first gave Louis a hug. Not some half-hearted birthday wish. No, a real hug.
"It's okay, buddy," Louis said to me. I had no idea what he meant by that. It fit the moment though.
It was really time now. I opened the rear hatch.
"Where is it?"
"In front of you," said Louis.
"In some secret compartment?"
There was nothing in the trunk. Absolutely nothing. An empty trunk. For an empty evening, in an empty Berlin, with an empty group of guys. I didn't get it.
"You won, man," I whispered. "You finally fucking done did it."
I couldn't believe my eyes. Empty? There was still nothing in the car. Louis just stood there. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I had felt every emotion this evening. Seen every color and smelled every scent. I was done. My body was ready. No longer needed. My mission was complete.
"But why did you do this?" I asked Louis, laughing.
He scratched his chin. It felt like the end of a bad movie.
"I sold our Playstation. Wanted to tell you only after I had sorted everything out again. I terminated my lease. Had some debts, and I also wanted to have some money for once. Once not empty-handed in the club. Once not dependent on my best friends. This is not who I am... I know how much that Playstation meant to you. It was ours together. I should have just told you."
"… and how does Gurb actually make his money?"
2024.05.18 18:53 Nor-Cal-Son People that say there's no RPG elements to fallout 4 are rediculous and its just untrue.
There will be obvious spoilers to fallout 4 in this so if your a new player, LOOK AWAY
I've played all these games forever, starting from the old ones in elementary school, fallout 3 and new vegas in middle and high school. Loved them all, put thousands of hours in this series.
But fallout 4 still remains my favorite, which is funny but it's honestly the only one I feel I CAN actually roleplay in.
I get that the main story sets you up on an urgent mission to find your son, but...uhhh...finding the Geck? The water chip? Finding your father? These are all urgent, the first one actually being timed.
With choice and consequences, I really don't understand. For example. You get three very different factions, which you also get in New vegas. The decision will Effect small parts of the world afterwords. Just like in new vegas. But in 4, I feel like you get alot of options to use those. For example, if I'm in the BOS, I can straight up just have them come and kill everyone in Acadia. If I'm RPing as a BOS hardliner, that's accurate.
In nuka world, you can join the raiders, run your own gang, give Preston the finger and raid settlements. OR, just straight up wipe out all the gangs and give nuka world to the traders. Which as a minutemen you would definitely do.
With the settlement system, if I want to RP as a mayor of a small post apocalyptic settlement I also can. Or just be a drifter.
I feel like there's alot more replay value in 4 to me than New vegas or 3. 3 especially didn't feel like much more than an action game with some small choices.
Also in 4, you can pretty much completely ignore the main quest. I felt like in New Vegas, the progression was alot more linear where the gane literally steers you into the main quest through use of cazadors
I dunno, I know this isn't the most popular take, but replaying 4 again reminded me why I like it so much. Luke I said, no hate, I love 3 and new vegas a bunch, just my personal opinion.
submitted by Nor-Cal-Son to fo4 [link] [comments]
I've played all these games forever, starting from the old ones in elementary school, fallout 3 and new vegas in middle and high school. Loved them all, put thousands of hours in this series.
But fallout 4 still remains my favorite, which is funny but it's honestly the only one I feel I CAN actually roleplay in.
I get that the main story sets you up on an urgent mission to find your son, but...uhhh...finding the Geck? The water chip? Finding your father? These are all urgent, the first one actually being timed.
With choice and consequences, I really don't understand. For example. You get three very different factions, which you also get in New vegas. The decision will Effect small parts of the world afterwords. Just like in new vegas. But in 4, I feel like you get alot of options to use those. For example, if I'm in the BOS, I can straight up just have them come and kill everyone in Acadia. If I'm RPing as a BOS hardliner, that's accurate.
In nuka world, you can join the raiders, run your own gang, give Preston the finger and raid settlements. OR, just straight up wipe out all the gangs and give nuka world to the traders. Which as a minutemen you would definitely do.
With the settlement system, if I want to RP as a mayor of a small post apocalyptic settlement I also can. Or just be a drifter.
I feel like there's alot more replay value in 4 to me than New vegas or 3. 3 especially didn't feel like much more than an action game with some small choices.
Also in 4, you can pretty much completely ignore the main quest. I felt like in New Vegas, the progression was alot more linear where the gane literally steers you into the main quest through use of cazadors
I dunno, I know this isn't the most popular take, but replaying 4 again reminded me why I like it so much. Luke I said, no hate, I love 3 and new vegas a bunch, just my personal opinion.