This is probably a stupid question, I just have been overthinking this entire situation. I really want an unbiased point of view. We are in our mid 20’s. I’m finally in a point in my life after paying off all of my debt. Now I can save money so I can go to college and pursue a career that I am excited for. I will say I don’t make a ton of money already. So I do have to run my body ragged picking up so many shifts to save money. Plus I’ve been neglecting buying groceries to save money faster. My friend and I have been friends since high school. We kind of all bonded over being poor and helping each other in a supportive aspect trying to better ourselves in adulthood. I have moved away from my hometown/hometown area and am loving it for the most part.
Now I am supposed to visit my friends towards the end of the month. My one friend kind of forgets what it’s like to be poor. He moved in with his partner pretty early on. So because of that he hasn’t been paying much of bills since then. I love my friends and want the best for them. So now I have to visit less. Like maybe once or twice a year. Compared to an average of three. I just don’t know how to explain that I am not doing this to be disrespectful but am doing this because I have to prioritize myself and not just keep living paycheck to paycheck.
I have become better at communication but I have found it’s super hard when telling my loved ones things they say that hurt me. It takes a lot but I have been pretty successful this year with creating boundaries. So now earlier this year I broke the news to both of them. I have found a career I actually want to pursue. I have to save to go to college and also save up in general cause I need an emergency fund. Plus I don’t have health insurance and haven’t had it in years. So I want to see a doctor and make sure I am mainly healthy. Plus I wear glasses and want a dentist checkup. My job doesn’t offer it so I will have to pay out of pocket even if I just do it for a year. So I let them now that I can’t visit as often.
I will say my one friend whom I need to explain this to didn’t take the news well. I completely understand that. Who wants to see someone they love less? I just feel like since then I’ve been just avoided. I understand he also has been having a hard year. I definitely love him and want him to be successful and be mentally well.
I just don’t know what to do. Neither of my friends have been responding and I feel like it’s my fault. I know people are busy and am trying to not take it personally. How do I explain to my friend this? Also like to add my car is old and the car I got at 16 and it will be a decade this year since I’ve had it. Plus it’s a 2 hour drive one way.
Also to add he visits me once a year and visit for 24 hours. They (him and his partner) come to an event in my city and then come over after. Then sleep here and we hang out together the next day and then they leave around 6-8pm. I do try and visit Saturday-Tuesday/Wednesday. So we have a lot of fun. Plus my friends live close ish together. Probably a little over an hour apart. Compared to me driving to see them.

My mum turned to drugs before I was born. When she had children she stopped taking drugs but slowly turned back to her old habits when my sisters and I were little. My dad was an alcoholic so he didn’t play any part in looking after us. He would drink in the pub as soon as it opened and wouldn’t leave until it closed at night. I would still see him, but it was usually when he would come over to the house that we lived in at the time and fight with my mum. My mum had a boyfriend who was physically and emotionally abusive towards all of us. He was also a drug user, so they would often leave us alone to go out and buy drugs. I can remember him abusing all of us. I have memories of him buying us pet rabbits. Shortly after getting them, he got angry about something and threw them down the stairs, so they passed away. I also remember him running out of the house naked and hiding in the garden from the police. He would hit us and also shout at us for getting scared. We were badly neglected to the point that social services got involved. They tried to help my mum but had no choice but to take us into foster care. We were in foster care for six months until my grandparents won the custody battle, and we got to live with them. During the six months that we lived in care, my mum did not attempt to better herself so that we could go back home to her. Instead, she chose drugs. In 2013, we went to live with my grandparents and have been there ever since. We cut off all contact with my mum, her boyfriend and my dad. They didn’t make any effort to get in touch at all. My dad would send us letters in the post occasionally, but he would also call the home phone when he was drunk and shout abuse at us on the phone. We started a new primary school and everything was going well until I was watching a film at home with both of my sisters. My older sister is eighteen months older than me and my younger sister is two years younger than me. My younger sister wasn’t involved as much in the situation. In the film, a couple were trying for a baby. In one of the scenes, they were rolling around on a bed kissing each other. We hadn’t seen anything like it before, and we were curious about what they were doing and why they were doing it. We made up a game where we would act out what they were doing in the film. My older sister and I would kiss each other. I can remember her touching me inappropriately once and also getting me to touch her back. The kissing turned into acting out having sex by “humping” each other because it felt good. It was innocent curiosity, we would choose who was going to play the “boy” and who was going to play the “girl” and would make up different storylines. I was around 8–11 years old when this happened. Most of the time we had our clothes on, but sometimes we didn’t. I didn’t understand sex at all when this was happening. I can remember hitting puberty at a young age and when I got my period I thought I was dying because I didn’t know what it was. I can’t remember any of this happening regularly. I think it just happened occasionally , but I know it happened a handful of times with both my siblings as well. I don’t think I truly understood that this behavior was wrong at the time, because I had lots of raging hormones, and I was just a traumatized child. I recently told my family about what happened and they’ve been so helpful. I’m slowly starting to rebuild a bond with my sister and I’ve realized that I can’t blame her for what happened because it wasn’t her fault. I’ve also struggled with severe OCD and anxiety for as long as I can remember. When I was little, I would have repetitive rituals that I would perform. I would be terrified of leaving my room in case anything bad happened so I went to the toilet at the end of my bed. I thought that bad things would happen to me if I didn’t do things a certain way and spent a lot of my time worrying. I left primary school and started secondary school, but I struggled to keep friends and always found myself feeling left out. I can remember my dad coming to visit on birthdays and Christmas, but when we went into lockdown because of coronavirus, I found out that he had cancer. We went to visit him and say goodbye. When we did this, I saw my mum for the first time in years. On Christmas Eve 2020, a few minutes from midnight she phoned to say that my dad had passed away. I miss him a lot, but he brought my mum back into my life. I slowly started seeing my mum more often and things were going well until she got me drunk one night and took me out to buy drugs with her. I can remember sitting on the sofa with her and her encouraging me to smoke crack cocaine. I was so drunk that I did it. The next day, when I woke up, I knew that she hadn’t changed. I had £2000 savings in my account which she knew about so she would “borrow” the money for gas, electricity and food. I knew it was all for drugs and I didn’t always get the money back. She mostly just smokes weed now, but she slips up sometimes. My mental health is slowly improving but everything that I’ve just written down bothers me a lot. I can’t change the past no matter how much I want to so I just need to move forward and be more positive.

Nate 2/7/2014 3:40 PM RVA – It’s not often a story weaves around the country like an insidious spider following Widespread Panic from outdoor arena to 400 seat club. But when it happens, it’s almost too much to believe. Let’s preface this story by saying, as far as actual accusations, we only have one official source saying the hippy-frat bro in question, Eric Lannon, has done anything wrong (or even really exists). But on closer inspection (and after a number of Google searches) it’s easy to see a pattern emerge–including pink Vineyard Vines plastic sunglasses, flip-flops in November, and Romney events–which tracks Lannon’s 1% style jack-assery up and down the east coast. Lannon came to light via a University of Richmond Police statement warning students about him loitering on campus and taking advantage of any rube he could get close to. Lannon, police warn, has a “history of theft and swindling. He manipulates his victims into providing shelter, food, money, and transportation under false pretenses.”
I have gotten a few emails over the last two days about this guy. Apparently a TON of people know about him or have been used by him. So I finally read the article about him and he’s kind of a genius. I highly suggest you read it, because it’s pretty interesting. What we do know is this guy is just a swindler to the highest degree. But I don’t think it’s even illegal, is it? People are voluntarily giving him all the shit he needs to survive.
Link – A man identified on Wednesday as Eric Lannon is said to have a history of theft and swindling, according to campus police. He has reportedly slept in at least four University of Richmond student apartments or houses and has received money, food, alcohol and clothing from numerous students. “He seemed like a nice guy,” said one of the junior Richmond College students whose house Lannon stayed at Tuesday. Lannon is believed to be from Richmond, according to various sources. He has been spotted on Richmond’s campus several times during the past three weeks, students report. All students quoted have asked to remain anonymous in the interest of safety. A campus crime alert released Wednesday afternoon cautioned community members not to interact with this person, and to contact URPD immediately if he is seen on campus. Lannon was not in police custody as of Wednesday night. Lannon is known to manipulate his victims into providing shelter, food, money and transportation under false pretenses, according to the police report. At least 25 Richmond students have confirmed that they have interacted with him in the past three weeks.
Obviously this Lannon dude is a huge douche. Like Grade A, 100% piece of shit of a human. I knew a girl in college who did the EXACT same thing. To hide her privacy, lets call her “Celeste”. She would bounce frat house to frat house, person to person, using and sweet talking people to allow her to live there and eat their food and use their shit. When people would cut her off, she’d treat them like total shit and move on to someone else. Easily my least favorite person I’ve ever come in contact with. But to people like her and Lannon, it’s all in the game.
Editors Note: I really wanted to use that sentence so I could include the video.
But yea, apparently he’s just a complete asshole so that’s your little Friday afternoon PSA since a bunch of people end up getting their shit stolen by him.
EDIT: Stoolie Hatcher just sent me a link to another Lannon story. Good lord this guy is the worst. Link.

English isn't my first language.
So my (15M) father isn't active and I honestly don't want him to be, but I have this male teacher who I really like and consider my father figure. I have his class once a week and I always talk to him after class and take the elevator with him, and every two weeks there is a time where both of our schedule align and I can go see him for an hour and I always go. We have a few common interests which we often discuss, and we also talk about school, in my country we have to take 3 special classes in the second year of high school and he helped me pick those classes. I often talk about him to my friends and my mom because he often teaches me random stuff I found interesting (sometimes the hour I go see him turns into a little special class for a moment). Some of my friends find it strange, say I have a crush on him and/or call me a teacher pet, my grandpa seems a bit weirded out about it and my mom doesn't mind it and thinks it's nice I get along well with my teacher.
Edit: We also went on a school trip, and I felt quite bad because I didn't have friends and he noticed, so the first day when we had a free time he asked if I wanted to go with the other students or go to a cafe with him and another teacher, I went with him and the other teacher. And they were other times I felt bad and was pretty close to an anxiety attack, he texted me to tell reassure me and tell me he was there if I needed someone to talk to

Hi all. I’m urgently looking for temporary housing the the Pleasanton, Livermore, Dublin area.
The Situation: I’m a 47 year old professional woman and mother of a 13 year old daughter. I moved to the Bay Area to pursue a career in the Tech industry, but I’ve been affected by tech layoffs. I currently live in Pleasanton in a 2BR apartment with a monthly rent of $2800. I’ve been living in this apartment for over 3 years and I’ve been in Pleasanton for nearly 5 years. I’ve been unemployed full-time for 6 months, exhausted all of my savings and I can no longer afford my rent. I’m at risk of losing my apartment and I’m looking for a share to move-in around mid June. I don’t drink or smoke. I’m 420 friendly, but not around kids. Love working out and generally live a healthy and drama-free lifestyle.
What I need: I’m looking for a large unfurnished room, in-law unit, studio or the like for a reasonable rent (I know that reasonable is subjective in the Bay). I don’t want to disrupt things too badly for my daughter and change schools in her last year of middle school and take us away from our community, so I’m looking to stay in the Tri-Valley or close to it. We’re originally from the East Coast and don’t have family here who can help, so I’d like to stay close to the community that we do have. East Oakland, San Leandro, Castro Valley, Hayward or Fremont could also work. I have a 16 year old cat who likely won’t be around for much longer and that I’ve had since a kitten and I really, really, really dread parting with him. Thinking long-term, I’d like to move into a house and rent two rooms (in Alameda or Berkeley) for my daughter and I during high school years, but that option may be cost prohibitive right now.
My current income: I’m working two different part-time jobs with an hourly rate that’s much less than what I’m used to. I’m onboarding as a substitute teacher with an organization, will do Uber in between jobs and I’m actively interviewing for full-time roles with salaries at or near what I’m used to. I’ve been gainfully employed for over 20 years and never thought that I’d be in this situation. I have the experience and credentials to get a full time job, but time isn’t on my side right now.
Since posting, I’ve seen that some suspect that I’m a scam. I’m not scamming. I’ve also suspected that some people are looking to scam me. I’m not for it. I’ll provide all the references that you need and I’ll be expecting for you to verify that you’re who you say you are too. I’d expect that we’d talk by phone, meet in person and I’d see the space. Please provide pics of your space if you have them. I’m absolutely not sending anyone any money before meeting, seeing the space and agreeing to move forward. I’m definitely not sending you my bank account or personal information because you’re so generous and want to help.
If you don’t have a room for us but you do have a job lead, I’ll take that too! I’m a Project Manager who’s worked at some of the top tech companies in the area.
Thanks for reading!

'm feeling very depressed right now. I'm a 29-year-old man and I feel severely behind in life. I'm about to graduate with a degree in mechanical engineering, but my mental health has deteriorated badly over the last eight years. I've become apathetic and needed so much energy just to get by. I've lived like a NEET during these years. I tried hard to study and slowly managed to finish my degree (I'm just working on my final project now), but I feel like I've wasted years of my life. I've always wanted an intimate relationship, but I didn't have anything to offer, so I've always been alone and insecure. I did have a girlfriend in high school, but we only kissed, nothing more, and then nothing else happened.
I don't blame my past self. Recently, I found out the reason for all my mental health struggles: CPTSD. My childhood was horrific. I grew up in Italy, but I'm from Pakistan. My parents used to abuse us in many ways. No mistake was allowed, and the punishment was severe. They pushed their religion on us with violence (Islam) and emotionally manipulated us. In school, I couldn't integrate because I was the immigrant. I smelled bad because of my clothes, and my only defense was to fight back, which destroyed any chance of finding friends. A toxic teacher who yelled at me for not having the materials for school or not studying well only worsened my isolation.
Growing up, I kept saying, "I will do it myself. I will get out of this miserable life and become happy one day by pulling myself up by my bootstraps." It didn't work, not even close. I started mechanical engineering at 19 and did fairly well for the first three years. I completed many papers with good grades, but in 2016, the baggage I kept hiding crushed me. I felt like a failure, like that's all I could amount to, despite my hard work (I've struggled a lot with concentration). I entered a very dark period for seven years, doing exams so slowly while the world moved forward quickly.
In November 2023, I started to feel better. I completed three exams in February 2024, started working out and taking care of my body, and began meeting new people (i've learned to meet new people at 19, and socialize i just didn't want to because of truma) I started learning about mental health because I realized I needed to fix my mind (that's when i've learned a lot about the mind). Then, in April 2024, I had a job interview that was devastating. It crushed me. No one cares about mental health, no one. So here I am, trying to finish my final project and having finally discovered what the problem was.
My environment has destroyed me, and "pulling myself up by the bootstraps" wasn't a good strategy at all. My younger self just survived with the tools they had. I just want to become healthier, find a job, and find a romantic partner. I want to leave behind my toxic environment.
Please, help me with the following:

1. Have you ever seen someone getting better from CPTSD? How so? Do you have any suggestions aside from going to a therapist? Because I can't afford it.
2. Have you ever seen someone build a life after not meeting society's expectations by 30?

Because they are VERY real, and they make it harder to build a life, "mental health" is an excuse, for many, let's be real.
I fear that my degree is not enough for finding a job. For finding a romantic partner, I fear that I'm not experienced enough. I don't care about success and things like that. I just want to build a life I never had and receive the love I've never received and give the love i've always like to give. I want to do that so badly because if I can't get out of this, I will end my life one day. My psyche is deteriorating.
It's not about sociaty expectations anymore, i've understood to not give a dam about them, it's about earning a living and find emotional support and love, i want that, i deserve that, i'm not a bad person.

I know it’s dumb and everyone says high school relationships never work out but I real thought he was “the one.” He treats me well, his family is nice, we spend every weekend together, spends money on me, have a lot in common regarding our interests and the future. But there’s a lot of things I’m unsure about.
A little background: We go to the same tech school, same grade, same shop so we have one week where we spend every day together and another week with a few classes together a day. We live in different cities but still spend time almost every weekend and have been together almost 10 months. My parents like him and his parents like me.
But there’s a lot of things that bother me and I just don’t know if I’m crazy for feeling the way I feel. I’m just gonna list some things that felt off to me and I just want some advice on what to do. I feel like he’s controlling and extremely jealous and even though we’ve talked about it all of the talks end in either me being too sensitive or 100% wrong, us just having different opinions on something, or a different talk where we’re “working our flaws out.”
A list of some things:

1. He’s made me cut out most of my friends in my life because they were guys. Some of my friends I had been friends with since I was 12 and were online friends that I just played video games with every once in a while. The first group I wasn’t sure about but still cut off anyways because our age differences (they were in their early 20s) made him uncomfortable. Another group was cut off for a similar reason, but he gave me the choice to “do what I felt was right” so I didn’t block them after he suggested it and told me to do what I felt. The next day he saw on my phone I didn’t block them and became absolutely livid with me and upset that I don’t know what the right choice is and that I’d want to have other guys in my life.
   
2. One time his friends came over his house and I was supposed to meet them and try to become friends with them. I met them, talked to some of them and one of his friends and I had a lot in common so he asked for my number and I gave it to him since he was my bfs friend and my bf said to try and make friends. When my bf found out about it he became really upset, accused me of “liking” his friend, told me that he couldn’t trust me anymore, accused me of possibly cheating on him in the future if “that’s the way I act with guys” and became extremely upset. He still brings this situation up when he says he can’t fully trust me and it’s just brought a lot of issues. I thought it would be okay since he said to become friends with his friends but apparently not.
   
3. I’m not allowed to talk to ANY guys. If he thinks I’m talking to one (even in a friendly way in school) he gets mad. I don’t care as much because I don’t have any friends in school since my friend group graduated aside from one girl but it’s become more apparent what my bf feels recently. A couple of months ago my school Chromebook broke and I brought it to IT to get it fixed. Dropped it off, was ready the next week and I went to pick it up with him because it was after lunch on our way back to shop. I picked up the Chromebook and said “thanks, have a nice day” to the guy that fixed it and my bf immediately got upset with me. The guy that fixes it used to like it but I’ve always shut him down and he hasn’t tried talking to me in over a year. He had an issue with the fact that I was friendly to someone that used to like me. I thought I was being friendly to someone that literally helped me by fixing my Chromebook. That’s just one specific case but he doesn’t want me to talk to anyone. He doesn’t even want me looking at other guys. If I’m looking out the window of the car or van and a guy walks by he’ll get upset with me, sometimes jokingly, that I’m looking at another guy.
   
4. I was over a friends house with my friend group that graduated. He called me, I didn’t see, responded 10 mins after, he got mad. He got mad because I was with guys (and 3 girls but he fixated on the men) The only reason he let me go is because that’s the friend group I have with my brother. He later told me his parents were making fun or him for being at a party with a lot of guys. It was a get together with maybe 4 guys, 3 girls, and my brother. I was playing UNO with them and didn’t see his call. He accused me of a lot of things and god mad that I was ignoring him even though I checked my phone almost every 5 minutes the entire night, ruining it for me.
   
5. (The situation that’s made me rethink a lot of things) We went to prom together. Right before prom he had a conversation with me talking about how if I ever won prom queen I shouldn’t accept it because it would be wrong of me to be crowned with another guy next to me. He said he would do the same and never accept it if he got crowned since it was the “right thing to do.” Prom came around, we went together, he kept leaving me to be with his friends which upset me because I have no other friends that go to my school and I went with him, but they’re his friends so I let it be. I asked him multiple times if he wanted to dance but he’d say no and run off to his friends. He’d say I was in a bad mood and acting off whenever he came back to check in on me and would just tell me I’m being weird then leave again. I had a terrible night alone and hr decided he wanted to leave. As we were leaving they announced the prom royalty and he won! Woo! Good for him, I was happy he won but also upset at him. Not because he was crowned with another girl, I couldn’t care less about that, but because he set expectations on me if I won and on himself but didn’t follow through with what HE said himself. Felt like he was a hypocrite. Had a bad night and felt weird.
   
6. We argue a lot. You can probably guess it’s about jealousy or something. I cry almost every week if not more because of them. He’s told me I need to work on my sensitivity issues, and I am really sensitive but is it really wrong of me to cry when I’m getting yelled at about something I didn’t think was wrong? (Like telling someone thank you)
   

There’s quite a few more that I’m probably not thinking of but those stand out the most to me. Am I really doing something wrong? Is it salvageable? Every time we have a conversation about something like what I mentioned above he mentions that he’s working on his issues and that no relationship is perfect. He have to grow with each other and help each other. I’ve seen some very very small changes, he let me go to a concert once because my brother was going with me, and when I got back wasn’t mad at me but also said that even though he trusts me he doesn’t trust the people around me and doesn’t know if I actually cheated on him or not. (I have never and would never cheat)
I feel like I know what the right thing to do is but the main thing I struggle with is not knowing what’s going to happen. He was my first kiss, my first relationship, and we lost our virginities to each other. I’m emotionally attached to him and would lose too much if we broke up. The other issue is that we’re in the same shop and have a few classes together. If it does end it’ll be really bad to still have to see him every single day for another entire year. My also parents work at the school we go to and I’m also one of the top students in my school. My biggest worry is that he’d try and ruin their or my reputation. I don’t think he would but I don’t want to risk it. I also don’t know what the future holds. What if he really is “the one” and I can never find someone better than him. He treats me really well aside from his jealousy issues and I feel like things aren’t all that bad. I just don’t know what to do. I really don’t want things to end because I really like him and there’s a chance we could work through things together. I’m just at a loss.
tl;dr I think my boyfriend is jealous and controlling but we have classes every day together and I don’t know what to do.

READ IF YOU WANT
why is it so hard to make friends?
m19 here from (still in) maryland, and lately i've realized how lonely I am, lmao. I have my hobbies and stuff but yet, I'm so lonely, i have one friend, who's been my friend since middle school, he's my bro. but i realized i legit have no friends..or a friend like me, here's some points I've seen/made 👇🏾
° fake people: there's too many fake people in the world today, worried about “worldly” bull crap or something stupid, wanting to be in drama, coming to you, then completely ignoring you or ghosting, I find it fake, sorta bummy and immature. people don't know the definition of a “friendship” or a “very close bond” like i'm gonna stick beside you no matter what, people don't seem to get that, then play victim when you call them out. people will use you, talk poorly of you, do all things wrong, i can't stand that. which is why i enjoy being more of a loner..i hate fake friends and i am not no fake friend, im sorta clingy
° people have weird interests/and are boring: this is, i guess controversial, tough one? but people have their interests but i've met some people (school/outside) that's into some weird crap, pronouns for one, i dislike folk whose interests are gender crap, not much into anime honestly, i do love harry potter though. i find a lot of people boring and never knowing how to have a conversation, never wanna be like “come over and chill, or let's watch a horror film” or anything like that, i've always wanted a male friend to explore stuff with, let's ride our skateboards around and learn tricks/let's ride through the night, i'd love to explore abandoned places honestly, guess i'm more of an that “emo boy that's always up to something”. i also love a childish person, stupid jokes/pranks are always the best, where's the trustworthy people who'd wanna skate all night and go to a pizza joint and chill at each other places all night watching horror films, (and i love horror. anyone seen the movie terrifer? the conjuring? house of 1000 corpses? lords of salem!!) talking about whatever, even deep conversations all night with pizza. play video games with me if you'd want, im a console player, i enjoy my xbox, we can facetime and play stupid stuff or id come to you and chill. who still plays minecraft lmao, im a huge lover of the grunge, skateboard theme, nighttime themed things, yeah i'm a slytherin 🐍. i can't find people like that. also, any other song writers out there? i love making my own music, rock is dope but it depends on the rock..
° bad places and everyone is untrustworthy/ghetto: i grew up in the hood, not to be prideful but it's sorta easy to see through people and know when stupid crap is going down. it's hard finding friends like you in the area you live in. this goes along with fake friends cause people are fake, users, and ghetto af. like what the hell? i mean like dude, if I'm your friend, i mean that, im not gonna use you for money or betray you for some chick or whoever. people don't seem to get that. i also find it stupid how guys, other males are such simps for women and will completely throw you under the bus for a woman, women do the same with men, it's fake af.
° i hate people/large crowds/groups: this i feel like a lot of people can relate to. i absolutely hate people and not on a “woke gen z” area, but on a “people do too much” level, yes people do too much and they always deny that they're doing too much. i hate big groups, because they always fall, which is a heartbreaker dude..it can be 4 of us, then 3, then 2, then none. i've always prefered a group of 3 or just one guy and myself. this gonna sound weird but i've always wanted a male friend, a guys guy really. i don't really go to skate parks, cause it's usually to many people, doing the most per usual, like there's one by the baltimore harbor, i'd rather go at night due to the amount of people there during the day. it sounds cheesy but i hate people. i really do.
° no one has my interest: this is the same as people having weird interests, but this is true. no one has the same interest as me, and i hear that people with the same interest are the ones that argue a lot, fall apart quickly, or just can't get along, i don't know how true that is entirely. but that's where the communication falls in, talk to me man. if there's an issue, open your mouth! don't be a pussy and keep it to yourself and talk poorly of me and hate me. that's not right, it's wack and lame af. people who do that really need to get themselves in check. like again, i love horror, i love the hell out of horror, its all I watch, anyone here watch mr.nightmare ? on youtube, also people enjoy stupid stuff and stay indoors to much. i get it, being in your space in your smelly room is cool and all, it's america, we hate it here, but personally i think there so much more, like I said I love night time stuff, abandoned houses/churches/stores, etc, i'm always down for it all, guess it's my emo horror obsession haha. anyone want to work and save up money together? where's the people like that who wouldn't steal your money, and dip off, like we save and use it for stuff like pizza, new skateboards, deep woods campfires and outings man. spending the night at each other's place, sneaking into spots! and one thing, building each other up, im the type to help you out, if you feel bad or something, let me know and id help, I know depression runs through a lot of people, and if I had that friend that in looking for in gonna be there, no matter what. that's just the kinda person I am, not satanic lol, just..emo? or grunge? i don't know..
° no one is loyal/have bad families/too sensitive: this is a tough one but im just gonna say it. people aways hated that I have no filter, not that I have a nasty mouth and I always have to put my opinion in stuff, i'm more so very quiet. i also have a dark sense of humor, im black, so i definitely do say racial jokes, not as a insult, but a little humor or whatever. dark humor is always the best. but i have no filter, i'm gonna tell you the truth of what it is, what I enjoy, what I hate, just point blank period, and people hate that, i'm nor gonna sugar coat anything! a true friendship circles and stays strong through truth and open words, if you can't handle that, something is honestly wrong with you fr. families, now. i won't judge you for having a bad home, but what i mean is, completely putting all that, that's not your responsibility in the way. i did that once, as an older sibling, i believe younger siblings aren't no one's responsibility, i once canceled plans to “watch and take care” of siblings when their old enough to watch themselves, which i regret. if you're having a bad time, you always got me there. which falls into loyal, people aren't loyal. which is basically people are fake. im a longterm friendship kinda dude. you're my homie, just like that.
° finally, judging and redflags: i don't judge at all, ask ill tell, but I don't judge at all. I don't see a point? none of us is perfect, so I don't see a point, saying what you feel is different than judging fr. same with redflags, guess mines would be im clingy 😂 i love clingy people as well, im not sure. but red flags falls into the same with, people do too much, people are fake, and users. and it amazes me completely how someone will use you, for however long, then completely ditch you in the end, or when you're caught, times get rough, or something like that. I really really hate that and that's what destroys friendships. don't really care if someone is clingy.
guess that's all, i think friendships in 2018-2024 are absolutely awful, and I hate that so much. there's no one else around really, like what the hell 😂 and still today, no friends. i be hoping i can find someone like me, like if you'll be there forever man mean that and stand on it. i think the future of friendships will die out honestly. no one can trust each other, no one can spend nights no more, go out, or anything..im not into politics, I don't care about presidents or anything, nor money, I need it, I know, which is why I'm still job searching, I just think there's more to a friendship besides money, arguing, drama, stupid stuff. that's it from me i guess 😂 just a lil rant since I joined this group. show me your skateboard, songs and favorite bands! mines is behemoth and a few grunge ones.. hopefully id find a friend ..

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Kokichi and Himiko hurried over to Himiko's secret magic room. Once there, Himiko threw open the pages of "Inside the Magical Mind" over to the "Build the Perfect Dream" chapter. She flipped through the pages until she found what she was looking for.
"A-ha!" she squeaked with excitement, placing her finger on the horror section. Kokichi grinned at her.
"Nee-heehee...I know we're supposed to be serious, and all, but that 'a-ha!' was super cute, Monkey Buns!" Kokichi said, giving Himiko a squeeze.
"Nyeh...that's because I'm super cute...thank you very much," Himiko said, sassily flipping her hair.
"Yes, you are," Kokichi murmured in a low, flirty voice, leaning his head against Himiko's. "I wuv my cute, wittle Monkey Buns." He gave Himiko a few soft kisses on her lips. Himiko giggled in delight.
"Okay, okay, it's back to being serious," she said suddenly, clapping her hands with a purpose.
"Yup, yup! It's go time!" Kokichi said, nodding enthusiastically. Himiko studied the horror section of the book:
~HORROR:~
Want a more terrifying experience in your dreams? No? Would you like to give your enemies nightmares, then? If that's the case, try filling up your enemy's mind with the most horrific thing they could ever imagine! Or, use a more lighthearted, yet creepy, potion to prank a friend! That works, too! Take them on a night filled with monsterific fright!
Himiko skimmed the first two potions, "Thriller Night dream," and the "Goosebumps dream." She stopped straight at the "Nightmare Fuel dream."
"Nyeh...this is the one that we need," she said, grinning deviously. Kokichi grinned along with her.
"Oooo...I love when my Supreme Lady gets all mischievous," he said with a ghoulish giggle as he kissed her cheek. Himiko giggled with him, as well, before reading on:
Nightmare Fuel dream: Want your enemies to experience the ultimate nightmare? Then, the Nightmare Fuel dream is the perfect one for you...or should I say, your enemy. Huhuhu! Give them them a night full of what they fear the most, whether it's a bunch of wriggly spiders, or a terrifying ghost!
Kokichi and Himiko grinned at each other impishly.
"Perfect!" they murmured in unison, and giggled deviously as Himiko poured in the ingredients. As she stirred the potion, eerie wisps of green and purple mist emanated from the cauldron. Himiko waved her hands mysteriously over her cauldron to part the mists away. Kokichi was mesmerized by her movements. Her face glowed bright in beautiful shades of shimmering green and purple. Kokichi felt his heart beat faster. If they weren't making cookies, this could be the perfect romantic setting. He couldn't resist her mischievous grin as she continued to pour and mix the ingredients. He felt as if he were falling in love all over again. Himiko looked up at him, catching him staring. She batted her eyelashes seductively at him, beckoning him closer. Finding her alluring and completely irresistible, Kokichi moved closer to her. He placed his hands on her waist and pulled her into a deep, passionate kiss. He then wrapped his arms tightly around Himiko. He couldn't resist. Heart raging against his chest, he reached up her shirt, caressing her back with his hands. His hand slowly moved up towards her bra to unhook it.
Snoozydoodle, my ass, he thought to himself. All my dreams are coming true right here! Suddenly, he moved his lips down to her neck. Himiko gasped softly and smiled. She placed her lips next to Kokichi's ear.

"Kokichi," she whispered seductively.
"Mmmm...yes...my Supreme Lady...?" Kokichi murmured in response, using his lips to move Himiko's shirt collar to gently bite Himiko's shoulder.
"The cookies, Kokichi..." Himiko reminded him in a sultry whisper. Kokichi's hands froze right as he was about to unhook her bra. He squeezed her longingly, but in the end, reluctantly released her.
"Right..." he mumbled. "Sorry..." He sighed, feeling dizzy. He had to admit that he loved the way Himiko made him feel. He shook his head to clear his mind. His breathing slowed back to a steady pace, as well as his heart. Now wasn't the time for feelings. They had to focus on the task at hand. Himiko smiled and bit her lip flirtatiously at him. He could tell she wanted him just as badly in that moment. But, she continued mixing the potion. He turned away from her, as if to block out any lustful temptations.
"Nyeh...it's finally done," Himiko said, breaking the silence. She poured the potion into a potion bottle.
"Ready to go?" Kokichi asked, trying to overcome the spell he was just under. Himiko nodded. Once they left the room, Kokichi grabbed Himiko's wrist. "Himiko...what happened back there...you didn't...do that to me, right?" Himiko smiled as she blushed bright red and shook her head.
"Nope," she replied. Kokichi nodded slowly.
"I thought so," he said. They both took deep breaths. "Pheeew! That was something, huh?" he said, scratching his head with a sheepish blush splashed onto his face.
"Nyeh...it was probably just a heat-of-the-moment type thing," Himiko said.
"Yeah, er, um...sorry about...y'know...reaching up your shirt and..." Kokichi began. Himiko looked at him with a seductive gleam in her eye and smiled naughtily as she placed her hand on his chest.
"You can do whatever you want to me..." she murmured in a low voice. "...and that's the truth." She bit her lip and winked flirtatiously at him before turning and walking away without another word. Kokichi stared after her, stunned, as she walked along the train tracks leading to the abandoned train station. Suddenly, a devilish grin crossed his face as he ran to catch up to her. He wrapped an arm around her waist and gave her a kiss on the lips before both breaking off into a run with mischievous giggling to D.I.C.E. headquarters to bake cookies for the final time.
End
"Don't go chasin' waterfalls. Listen to the rivers and the lakes that you're uuused to," Four sang, holding a broom handle like a microphone. Five paused from polishing some furniture and turned to him with a scoff.
"Ugh...dummy! Hello! It's 'Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to,'" she corrected.
"Well...whatever," Four grumbled. "I don't like that dumb song anyway."
"Hahaha...why, cuz you got the words wrong?" Six cackled.
"N-No!" Four stammered, going back to sweeping the floor. Two held the dustpan out so Four could sweep the dirt into it. "I just...think it's dumb! How can someone chase a waterfall when it doesn't even move?!"
"Pffft! I don't know, I didn't come up with the lyrics! Why don't you ask DLC?" Six answered. Five rolled her eyes.
"TLC!! " she corrected.
"Whaaaateveeeerrrrr!!" Six shouted back. Suddenly, the front doors of the headquarters burst open, and in walked Kokichi and Himiko.
"Boss! You're here!" Four said, blocking Kokichi's way. "Can I ask you something?"
"Not now, Ichiro, Himiko and I have some business in the kitchen," Kokichi replied urgently. He swerved around Four, but Four ran up to block his way again. "Ugh! What, Ichiro?!" Kokichi exclaimed testily.
"Um...is it 'Don't go chasing waterfalls, listen to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to,' or is it, 'please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to?'" Four asked timidly.
"The latter," Kokichi replied briefly, then dashed away quickly to the kitchen.
"DAMMMIIIIIT!!" Four cried, falling to his knees in defeat. Five grinned smugly at him.
"Told ya!" she said before continuing her polishing.
In the kitchen, Kokichi and Himiko got to work on the last batches of the Snoozydoodles. Kokichi preheated the oven. Himiko poured the ingredients, including some of her potion, inside, and Kokichi mixed afterwards. Right after sticking one batch into the oven, they immediately got started on a second batch. After a few hours of baking, they had finally come up with enough batches for the entire school.
"Nyeh...that was exhausting," Himiko sighed, leaning against the wall.
"Well, that was only half the battle, HimiCocoa Bean," Kokichi said, pulling her up. "We gotta get these cookies to Hope's Peak."
"Ooo! Can I have one?" Four asked, reaching for a cookie.
"No!" Kokichi said, slapping his hand away.
"Nyeh...Kokichi? How are going to carry all these cookies?" Himiko asked, gesturing to the stacks upon stacks of cookies on the counter.
"Kazuki!" Kokichi called to Eight. Eight silently walked in and saluted. "Bring the confetti cannon."
"Yes, boss," Eight replied, then hurried away. He came back a few minutes later lugging a large, black, tubular contraption with a long, black hose with ridges similar to a one on a vacuum cleaner.
"Thank you!" Kokichi replied. Eight saluted in response. "It's clear of confetti, right?"
"Yes, sir," Eight replied.
"Great!" Kokichi said. "Takehiko!" Ten now appeared in the kitchen, taking his place next to Eight.
"You rang, boss?" he asked.
"Yup! Fire up the Happycopter and wait there for us," Kokichi ordered.
"On it like a bonnet!" Ten promised and scurried off.
"Monkey Buns, help me pour the cookies into this hole right here," Kokichi said, opening up a lid on top of the cannon similar to a fuel cap on a car.
"Nyeh...got it, boss," Himiko replied with a smile. Kokichi smiled back at her and stroked her cheek affectionately. They both began pouring the cookies inside the confetti cannon. Once all the cookies were inside, Kokichi closed the lid.
"Alright, babe, we're ready to roll!" he said to Himiko. Himiko nodded firmly in response. Kokichi turned to Eight. "Kazuki, give us a hand." Eight saluted and helped Kokichi and Himiko carry the cannon up the stairs all the way to the rooftop, where Ten was waiting for them in the Happycopter. The three hoisted the cannon inside. Kokichi hopped in and helped Himiko inside.
"Where to, boss?" Ten asked.
"Drop us down on the roof of Hope's Peak," Kokichi replied.
"Caaaan do!" Ten said, then took off. He landed the Happycopter on the roof of the academy, and helped Kokichi lug the cannon out.
"Alright, Ten! We'll take it from here!" Kokichi shouted over the blades of the Happycopter. Ten answered with a salute, then flew the Happycopter back to D.I.C.E. headquarters. The final bell to Hope's Peak rang, and the students began pouring out of the front entrance far below. Kokichi pulled out a megaphone.
"He-eeeey, everyoooone!" he sang, his voice ringing loud and clear. The students looked up at him.
"Hey! It's Kokichi!" Kaito said, pointing up at the roof.
"And Himiko's with him!" Ibuki added. Himiko felt dizzy from such a great height.
"Nyeeeh...I feel woozy," she muttered. "I'm glad I'm only 4' 11." I don't think I could stand being taller than that."
"That's alright, HimiCocoa Bean, I'll do all the talking," Kokichi said. "Just get ready to flip that switch when I tell you to." Himiko went to the cannon and waited by a tiny, black lever.
"Hey, Kokichi!! Tell Himiko to give us more cookies!" Kazuichi cried.
"You guys want Snoozydoodles?" Kokichi asked through the megaphone. Everyone cheered. "I saaiiid...do you guys want Snoozydoodles?" Kokichi repeated louder, increasing suspense. Everyone cheered louder.
"Hurry up and give us the damn cookies!!" Miu screamed at the top of her lungs. Kokichi turned to Himiko.
"Flip the switch, Monkey Buns!" he said. Himiko flipped the tiny lever, activating the confetti cannon. Kokichi held up the ridged hose, and out flew dozens of cookies. The students below cheered and clamored for the cookies. Everyone grabbed a cookie and headed home. Kokichi turned to Himiko and gave her a high five.
"Well done, Himiko!" he said. "Now all we gotta do is wait!"
***
The next morning, Himiko woke up to see Tenko sitting on the edge of her bed in horror. Her eyes were wide and she was pale as if she had seen a ghost. Himiko crept slowly over to her.
"Nyeh...Tenko? Are you okay?" Himiko asked worriedly. Tenko jumped back in fear.
"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" she screamed, jumping back under her blanket.
"Nyeh! T-Tenko! It's just me!" Himiko said. Tenko peeked out from under her blanket.
"H-H-Himiko...?" she stammered.
"That's right. It's just me," Himiko said. Shivering violently, Tenko crawled out from under blanket again. "Tenko, what happened?"
"H-H-Had...nightmare..." Tenko stammered. "N-N-nothing b-b-but...darkness. And...c-c-creepy singing. I couldn't move! It's like I was trapped inside a...a...cage! The next thing I know...there was a sharp p-p-pain in my neck!"
"Oh, my!" Himiko exclaimed.
"Th-Th-That's when I w-w-woke up," Tenko said, holding her blanket up to her face. Then, she slowly lowered her blanket with an apologetic expression. "Himiko...i-i-if it's okay with you...I d-don't think I want another S-Snoozyd-d-doodle..."
"Yeah! Okay!" Himiko nodded. It was exactly what she wanted! She hurried to get dressed, then headed downstairs to the dining room to see the others' faces filled with woe and misery, as if their nightmares had drained every ounce of life from their bodies.
"Nee-heehee...looks like all their hopes and dreams got shattered, huh?" Kokichi whispered, suddenly appearing next to Himiko, leaning his elbow on her shoulder. Himiko grinned and nodded.
"But, I wanna make sure they don't crave my Snoozydoodles at all, anymore," she said. She walked into the dining room. "Nyeh...anyone in the mood for more Snoozydoodles?" Everyone snapped to attention with sheer horror in their eyes.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!" Kaito wailed.
"Keep those cookies from hell away from us!!" Miu cried, tears streaming from her eyes. "There was nothing but...t-t-toilet paper everywhere!! And some buff guy I couldn't identify was running after me with one of the rolls tryin' to strangle meeee!!"
"Gonta not wanna get stabbed by bug again!!" Gonta sobbed into his hands. "Bugs betray Gontaaaaaa!!"
"I...had boiled water thrown on me..." Kiyo said, his face pale and sweaty. "Then, to add salt to the wound, Sister threw salt on my wounds." He shuddered violently.
"I was surrounded by a bunch of piranhas," Ryoma said. "And then, they started biting me. I...could actually feel the biting." Everyone was holding themselves, rocking back and forth, trying to erase their nightmares from their minds.
"Himiko...if it's alright with you...I'm done with Snoozydoodles," Tsumugi said. Himiko pretended to appear despondent.
"I understand," she said. Then, she turned to Kokichi with a huge grin. Kokichi gave her a thumbs up.
"That's my Supreme Lady," he murmured in her ear and gave her a kiss.
***
Weeks later, the time finally came for the surprise field trip. Usami ushered the students onto the buses.
"Where do you think we're going, Monkey Buns?" Kokichi asked Himiko.
"Nyeh...I'm not sure," Himiko replied.
"Tuh...wherever it is, it better not have anything to do with cookies," Miu muttered bitterly. She was hanging over their seat from behind.
"Uh...this is a private conversation between me and my Supreme Lady," Kokichi said. "So, back off, bitch!"
"Eeeeeeee!!! Okay, okaaaayyyy!!" Miu whined, shriveling back down into her seat. The buses lurched forward, and drove a few hours, passing cities like Osaka and Kobe. From Kobe, they drove through Awaji island to one of Japan's main islands, Shikoku, to Ehime prefecture. From there, they took a ferry ride to a small island.
"Heeey, you're taking us to an island?!" Kazuichi asked in annoyance. "How annoying! What's so great about a damn island?! We live on one! Japan is made of a bunch of them!"
"Don't worry! You'll like this place, I'm sure!" Usami promised.
"Oh, my! If that island is what I think it is, we shall definitely have the best time of our lives!" Sonia cried.

"What is it?" Kaede asked.
"I...do not want to tell," Sonia said. "I do not want to get my hopes up." Himiko turned to Kokichi.
"Do you know what she's talking about, Kokichi?" she whispered. Kokichi shrugged.
"Beats me," he replied. "Honestly, I think it'll be fun to find out." Finally, the ferry pulled in to dock. The students climbed off the ferry, and were startled by Sonia's cry of pure joy.
"I KNEW IT!!!" she exclaimed. The students turned to see what she was so happy about, and gasped in delight. There before them, were a bunch of cats! Cats laying around, cats pouncing on birds, cats being petted by tourists. There were cats everywhere!
"Students...welcome to Aoshima Island!" Usami announced grandly. "Feel free to pet the kitties to your heart's content!" The students rushed over to them with glee.
"Awwww...hey, there, wittle kitty-wittyyyyy...!" Kaede gushed, holding a cat up to her nose. then, she held it to Shuichi. "Wanna pet him, Shuichi?" Shuichi patted the cat politely on his head.
"Fuhahahahaaaa!! I shall set up my feline army here!" Gundham said. Many cats surrounded him. "Behold, feline warriors! It is I, your king, Gundham Ta-nyah-kaaa!!"
"Huh...I didn't think someone like you was capable of making puns," Kazuichi said.
"I thought it was a wonderful pun!" Sonia said.
"Pretty cute, huh, Himiko?" Kokichi asked, holding up a black and white cat. Himiko held up a cat with ginger fur.
"Nyeh...this one, too!" she said with a nod.

"Heeeey...these two look like they'd make a great couple!" Kokichi said. They held their cats together. One black and white, and the other, with its fiery red-orange fur.
"I couldn't agree more, Kokichi," Himiko replied, batting her eyelashes at him. The black and white cat's green eyes twinkled with mischief, while the ginger cat just hung there lazily in Himiko's arms. The black and white cat playfully swiped at the ginger cat. The ginger cat made an annoyed noise and pawed at the black and white one. The black and white cat nuzzled its head against the ginger's, and the ginger cat seemed to smile. Kokichi and Himiko giggled and set the cats down. The black and white cat nudged the ginger. He ran a few feet ahead, then stopped, waiting for the ginger to follow. The ginger stood up and trotted after the black and white. The black and white hopped up and down excitedly and broke off into a run. Kokichi wrapped his arm around Himiko's waist as they watched the the ginger catching up to the black and white, running alongside each other off to another adventure, no doubt.

Sorry if my words are all jumbled up. I'm a little frustrated as I type this.
My partner and I have been together for a year and a half, and had a fling for about the same amount of time. From the moment I met his mother, I've always felt some sort of tension.
When we were just friends, his mom would call me his girlfriend and now that we are dating she calls me his friend. She used to make sure to tell me all the time that he's her baby and that she just wants him to be with someone good for him, that they used to sleep in the same bed even while he was in high school, that he's seen her naked, she always mispronounces my name, gives me a different name, or just says my name weird altogether--especially in front of people. She's also really suggestive during get togethers and seems to do things to get scolded by my boyfriend and his siblings (i.e. give someone a lap dance, showing her butt to whatever dude's there, etc). Recently, she threw a huge fit in front of all of his friends and family because she wanted to sit next to him for his birthday dinner, and it's just a lot. I could go on but I'm more so looking for answers because I'm not really understanding what's going on. Overall, every time we're at an event or just near her, I can't help but to dissociate because I'm so uncomfortable.
My partner and I are moving into a new place soon and she asked him if she could come over to do a prayer for us, which I know is just an excuse to see where we're staying at.. My partner's wanting me to be more involved with his family and treat his mom like she's my mom, but I'm feeling conflicted. He's wanting me to do that because I'm not close to anyone in my family and I grew up with an abusive mom, but I'm simply not comfortable with that idea anymore. I feel that after two years of whatever this is, I'm allowed to feel the way that I do. I simply can't befriend/reach out to someone who doesn't actually like me and does weird things to make me "jealous". Do you guys have any advice on how to deal with any of this? I've always heard of situations like this but now that I'm in it I don't really know how to .. cope? or deal? with it. At times I've considered just ending my relationship with my partner because of how close he is with his family. I feel suffocated and overwhelmed, and I'd never make him distance himself from that. I'd rather just remove myself out of the equation altogether.
Thank you for reading and for the advice.

Hey. I need some general insight/thoughts and maybe some advice too about an interesting situation that I’m trying to process.
I went through a really hard and prolonged time years ago and in that time period I lost many of my (close) friends and acquaintances. If I’m being honest, it was traumatic for me because it involved so many friends being lost and created substantial self esteem/abandonment/trust issues. My issues involved a lot of mental health problems and some substance use. Recently, my life has started to really do a 180 and some of these friends have come back into my life, although with caution on their part (justifiable honestly) but what’s more surprising is the caution I’m now seeing on my part too.
For yearsssss I would text these friends to hang out. They would either bail on lunches at the last minute, straight up not respond, make excuses for their busyness and how they’d get back to me in xyz time (and didn’t of course), or in the case of a few just straight up told me they couldn’t be my friend (actually the best version). With the ones who led me on or bailed, I did take the hint but I hoped after enough tries between years they’d finally want to hang out. Eventually I gave up and just didn’t ask them to hang out again which was probably around 3 years ago. But then my life got better unrelated to them. My job got good. I started traveling. I looked great and lost weight etc. it was a 180. Some of these people started slowly liking my social media posts again but did not ask me to hang out. Over time I saw 2-3 and it was strange but we talked. We brought up what happened vaguely and shortly and it made it less awkward.
The one that I’m struggling with is the recent one. Katie (let’s call her) sometimes throws like various art or music type events and I had replied to a post of a painting art and said like “ooo looks amazing” and she said “you should come!” I was shocked. Long story short, I did. I showed up last minute (alone) trying not to panic in my car bc it had been like 8 years? it was awkward, the was shocked, but it was civil and nice. After that, I asked her to lunch and she bailed day before bc she was sick so we rescheduled and then I bailed bc I was sick! I went to a second one of her events and met some new people there. One of the people was a new close friend of hers (let’s call her Laura) I hadn’t met before. Long story short; the world is small and after hanging out with random Laura at this event I realized Laura’s BFF was a girl I was becoming close with from AA and saw on a regular basis. Now suddenly the most random small world triangle square was formed. My old friend (Katie), Laura, my new friend, and I. After the event I didn’t text Katie to try for lunch bc it felt desperate and it was better to leave it and proceed slowly.
Laura ended up introducing my friend Katie to this new girl I was becoming friends with weeks later, and during this hangout someone proposed we all 4 hangout. Katie apparently told them that she needed to get dinner with me 1:1 first as she hadn’t in forever.
So she texted me asking me for dinner. I was shocked. Fast forward - we go to dinner. I say super friendly like “omg it’s been forever! I literally don’t remember the last time we hung out.” And she got weird and looked away and quickly said “well we’re doing it now!” That felt weird, like guilt almost. In time I realized the 4 hung out and that’s why we were having dinner. It was fine but the dark past (with me) or why we drifted apart never got brought up except random comments like “you’re wild” when I brought up that I went to Coachella for a day. Until she’d hear me say “no it was fun but I don’t need to go again.” She looked confused. Maybe she had changed, but I had changed a lot more is what I realized and I think she started to realize too. It felt a bit fake, maybe the elephant in the room. Or maybe more like polite.
When I left I was confused. All I had wanted for like 6 years was to gain back my old friends but there was something odd about it. I went a 3rd event yesterday and the 4 of us were then there + soooo many old acquaintances I knew. When I left she gave me a hug and said “thank you for coming! I love you!” But in a general way how girls talk. Maybe she was cautious but I hadn’t expected I would be too, if not more. She’s not a bad girl but it’s weird what I’m experiencing.
Im aware that my downfall was and is just jarring for these friends who had always seen me so put together. There’s a reason they say like don’t hang out with people in dark places bc they can drag you down. I also understand that most people want to have friends that lift them up and that they can have a good/fun time when they get together. When I think of these things with that sense of radical acceptance and reality then I don’t necessarily blame them for dropping me. I can have compassion for that.
But it makes me think about the other old friends I still wish to connect with and haven’t yet. Do they feel guilt? And why does this feels so weird? Thoughts overall?

I (21 F) am the oldest of 7 siblings with the same mom and dad. For the purpose of privacy im going to replace the names of each sibling with their birth order number and my parents as mom and dad.
My family are west african muslim immigrants. Growing up I was mainly responsible for my siblings #2,3,&4. I picked them up from school, made their food, and responsible for their general wellbeing since my parents were rarely home from work. When my parents were home, they were physically and verbally abusive.
My sophmore year of highschool #5 was born and me and my sibling called acs on our parents. I also came out as athiest at this time. The next few years were rocky but my parents had to take therapy and counseling. Currently, they are better parents and no longer abusive. #6 and #7 were born after the acs case.
Current situation: #3 is heading off to college and my parents want her to stay close to home, i am encouraging her to go out-of-state. #4 wants to go to culinary school and my parents dont like that but i am encouraging her to stay. They also want to send #4 to a religious school in Egypt which is am completely against because #4 is currently a sophmore in high-school.
Today my mother had a discussion with me saying that i needed to stay in my place as a sister and not interfere between my parents and my siblings. She also said that my discussions with my siblings were giving them anxiety. None of my siblings have mentioned this to me as of yet. I see from her pov how this would make me the AH.
From my pov, i understand that my siblings as individuals are different from what my parents want in terms of religion and practice and what they want for their future. Additionally growing up I was raised where i was punished for my siblings mistakes as the eldest and was constantly told i was responsible for them. It hurts being told that i am a detriment to my siblings however i do know that my parents are pretty close minded when it comes to the things my siblings want to do. Like my siblings want to go out of state for college, do study abroad summer programs, and go out during the summer. All things my parents disapprove of.
In conclusion, AITAH for giving my siblings that contradict what my parents want for their kids.

So I've been into these systems for three years now, but I've recently come to doubt my whole typology. I'm not going to say what I've been typed as before though, because I'd like to avoid bias.
It'd be cool if you tried to type me in other systems as well, such as Enneagram, Socionics, Psychosophy/Attitudinal Psyche, Big 5, Temperaments, Jungian...

1. I'm a very closed off person who needs a lot of time to recharge since people wear me out, but I've been told I come across as a highly energetic, hardworking and overall as an inspiring and determined person. For instance, I always strive for the best, even if that means sacrificing my comfort (like going to one of the best universities in my country even if it's like over 100 km from home and I have to wake up at 5 AM everyday), and I'm always passionate about pursuing something to improve myself, because I'd hate to feel like I'm wasting time lazing around.
   
2. People see me as someone responsible to rely on, they have told me I'm a good listener and understand them well, I give honest advice while also taking into consideration their feelings and reactions (I don't want to come across as offensive and insensitive), and in general I like giving a good impression. I mean, I can't stand fake people, but I still feel it's important to portray yourself in a good light. I think you must treat others the same way you'd like to be treated, that is, with respect (but, of course, if they cross me, I'll act spiteful towards them, since that's what they deserve).
   
3. Despite trying to be reasonable at all times and doing my best not to come across as overly emotional, I'm very anxious and tend to catastrophize, so while it's not usual, when it happens, my outbursts are strong. Then, I feel like trash after it all happens, since I perceive it as me having made a fool of myself. My feelings tend to escalate quickly, and sometimes due to something that it's not THAT important, so it's helpful to have someone slow me down and help me see the big picture. I can also be too straightforward as well, to the point that I sometimes end up being reckless. For example, there has been multiple times where I suddenly felt the urge to insult someone because they did something that offended me; in those cases I fortunately had a friend to shut me up and distract me from it because they know I might not be able to wait until they're out of sight to complain about them.
   
4. While at a distance I might seem intimidating and stern, people close to me see me as innerly soft, sensitive and pretty much a romantic prone to sentimentality. I've always had a hard time with processing emotions, because since I was a kid I've been taught "emotions are for the weak", so I tried to repress them. It wasn't until I discovered my passion for poetry that I finally learned to come into contact with them and understand them without shame. Currently, I feel like I have an easier time expressing myself and I'm not as repelled of my own feelings like I was in the past... Many people have actually told me, to my surprise, that my face is amusingly expressive, like I'm transparent even if I try my best to hide myself from the world. That said, I communicate my feelings through poems, so while I'd like the other person to take the initiative in this regard, I'll try to reciprocate it my way.
   
5. However, I can also be quite passive and insecure when I feel oppressed and vulnerable in my environment (I feel like the whole world is against me in such circumstances), so I tend to walk on eggshells most of the time just in case. I'd say I'm mostly awkward, and I never know how to interact with my surroundings properly. If I've done it well, it's likely that I've just been lucky. This has led me to be isolated most of my life, and despite the fact that I currently have some connections with people, I feel like it's still not enough. I'm very private, secretive, and harbour trust issues; but I also crave intense connection with people I've taken a liking to (after a long time assessing if they're trustful enough for me to grow attached to them, since I place a lot of value on loyalty and suffer a lot when those close to me suddenly disappear from my life). I'm really compassionate with others, so some people have taken advantage of my kindness to then stab me in the back when I least expected it, which has made me become outwardly distant and unapproachable through the years (when the truth is that I'm just terrified of people). I've always had this impulse to help and protect those in need when they couldn't stand up for themselves, so it's curious how much compassion I could feel for others when I couldn't feel it for myself. Anyway, I still hold those around me to high standards, which I apply to myself as well.
   
6. On the other hand, I place a lot of value to my appearance too. Like poetry, my own style is a way to express who I am as a person, and I can't understand nor find myself attracted to people who don't care at all regarding this part of themselves... It's as if they're neglecting one of the most important ways to make themselves appealing to both themselves and others. For me, it's also a way to feel better about myself, since the attractiveness and health of the body is just as important as that of the mind.
   
7. Now, I suck at everything related to numbers or economics. They're so boring and uninteresting to me that my brain shuts down when something related to it comes up (I already suffer enough in law school whenever I'm forced to do subjects involving financial law or the like). I've always been more drawn to humanitarian subjects like languages, literature...
   
8. I'm highly impatient (I get easily frustrated when something doesn't go my way like "it's supposed to", and I can grow envious and resentful towards someone that did it better than me), irritable (I'm peaceful until something or someone crosses me), and pessimistic (if something remotely bad happens, then that means it's all doomed to fail). I can be intolerant as well, easily despising someone others might be indifferent to, and I've been told to be impulsive too when I fail to guard myself from what makes me react aggressively either to others or myself. In addition, I cannot deal with people that are too aloof to descifer, like it's obvious they're keeping something from me, but they will lie and tell me "it's okay" while it's obvious that it's not, and their facial expressions are so dull that I won't even be able to extract the minimum out of them. In such circumstances I might flare up to try to get them out of their shell in order to know whatever they're hiding away from me; but that typically ends up driving them away from me further (which pisses me off to no end). I like straightforward people who are not cowards and will make things clear from the beginning, even if it hurts.
   
9. Regarding my mannerisms, they're mostly stiff, instead of smooth or soft. As I said, I come across as energetic even if I slept 4 hours that day, I walk and talk VERY quickly (people who speak and move slowly get on my nerves), and I can be very expressive and loud if I'm feeling comfortable enough with the person I'm with (I can even look extroverted next to my quieter friends). I also don't have any shame at all when it comes to myself; I can talk about anything weird or rant about my nerdy interests and creepy fixations to the point of becoming obnoxious without giving a damn about the reaction of the other person. I may even enjoy making the other person embarrassed and teasing them, since it's hilarious. Fortunately, I'm good at eliciting interest in others, so oftentimes I can drag them into the abyss of my obsessions and teach them all about it.
   
10. Aside from poetry, my other interests are varied. For instance, I also love reading old books, writing stories, creating original characters and researching whichever area of interest I'm into at the moment. I like to maintain an active lifestyle too. In the future, I strive to become financially successful (that's why I'm in a career that is going to bring me a lot of opportunities), independent, and travel and learn as much as I can to improve both myself and my talents. I'm overall a very individualistic person, but I'd like to meet more people who align with my values as well; without at least someone by my side with whom I can share myself I become depressed.
    

I'd appreciate it if someone is willing to try to type me via chat too, if that's more comfortable for you.

This post contains spoilers from CS1-Reverie, including Reverie’s post-game content.
Disclaimer: The analysis portion of the Background section contains discussion of mental illness. I am not an expert in mental health, or any health field for that matter. I’m just a guy applying his own perception, lived experiences, and surface-level knowledge to interpreting Rean’s arc. I probably don’t even need to be making this disclaimer, but I felt like it.
Last year, I made this post asking how the members of this sub felt about Cold Steel’s protagonist: the one and only Rean Schwarzer. I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of engagement it got, as well as the diversity of opinion expressed in the comments. There were those who loved him, those who were neutral on him, and a few who just couldn’t stand him. At the time, I had just finished CS2, so there was a ton about Rean I wasn’t privy to. However, now that I’ve played Reverie and am fully caught up with the first half of the series, I have a much fuller picture of him. Since so many of you were kind enough to offer up your takes on Rean back then, I figured I’d express my own thoughts on him in the form of a proper analysis. Without further ado, let’s begin!

Background

Rean Schwarzer (born Rean Osborne) is the main protagonist of Trails of Cold Steel I, II, III, and IV, as well as one of the three main protagonists of Trails into Reverie. He was born in S.1187 to Erebonian commoners Brigadier General Giliath and Kasia Osborne. Rean’s father was a brilliant leader and strategist, but his commoner status made him an enemy of the military’s nobles. This led to Giliath’s home being attacked by jaegers when Rean was five, resulting in Kasia’s death and Rean’s heart being punctured by shrapnel. In a desperate bid to save his son’s life, Giliath made a deal with Ishmelga, the Ebon Knight, to become its Awakener and used its power to transplant his own heart into Rean’s body. Due to his deal with Ishmelga, Giliath was forced to give up custody of Rean, entrusting him to the care of Baron Teo Schwarzer. As a result, “Rean Osborne,” the son of a commoner military officer, became “Rean Schwarzer,” the adopted son of a minor noble family.
Although Rean’s new family was loving and supportive, his new life was not without struggle. The boy’s sudden, mysterious appearance in the Schwarzer household made the family - particularly Teo - the subject of gossip and controversy among other nobles. Some believed Rean was Teo’s illegitimate child, while others openly lambasted Teo for his willingness to potentially allow a commoner into the nobility’s ranks. Teo essentially became an outcast among his noble peers, his family’s name tarnished by rumor. Rean, for his part, came to believe he was at fault for this situation, and the subsequent guilt would plague him for many years.
Rean’s self-worth was further challenged by another, more personal problem that arose during his childhood. At age nine, Rean watched an unknown monster attack his younger sister, Elise, and the stress caused an innate “ogre power” within him to manifest. Rean fell into a blind rage, savagely killing the monster. When he returned to his senses, Rean was traumatized by the scene he had left behind, and by the discovery of this new, violent side of him he could not control.
Two years later, Rean became an apprentice of the legendary swordsman Yun Ka-fai, founder of the Eight Leaves One Blade school, hoping to learn how to control his ogre powers. Despite showing great promise as a swordsman, Rean was unable to develop control over his ogre power, and Yun was eventually forced to cut short Rean’s training for unrelated reasons. Although the beginner-rank Rean continued to train on his own, the damage to his psyche was too deep-seated for him to fix alone. He believed he was nothing but a burden and a monster, undeserving of love or happiness. This guilt and self-loathing spurred him to always put others’ needs and well-being above his own, believing himself less important than anyone else. This self-sacrificial behavior became a recurring problem for Rean over the course of his adolescence and early adulthood.
In S.1204, at age 17, Rean enrolled at the prestigious Thors Military Academy in eastern Erebonia. He, along with eight others, became part of Class VII, Thors’s first socially integrated graduating class. Although he still struggled with low self-worth, Rean thrived in this new environment, quickly befriending his classmates and discovering his natural-born ability as a leader. By this time, Rean’s real father, Giliath Osborne, had become Chancellor of Erebonia and was being targeted for death by the Imperial Liberation Front - an anti-Osborne terrorist group. The ILF was a recurring presence in Class VII’s lives during their first school year, and the two groups clashed frequently. At the end of the year, Rean’s life took a dramatic turn when he unexpectedly became the Awakener for the Divine Knight Valimar before watching the ILF - led by his friend Crow Armbrust - seemingly assassinate Osborne and spark a nationwide civil war. Thors came under siege by Crow shortly thereafter, and in the chaos, Rean was forcibly separated from his classmates.
One month later, Rean awoke in the Eisengard Mountain Range outside his adopted hometown, Ymir. Now armed with Valimar’s power, Rean rendezvoused with his family and set out to reunite Class VII. Although he succeeded, Rean was later captured by the Noble Alliance and was held captive alongside Erebonian princess Alfin Reise Arnor. With Alfin’s encouragement, Rean freed the two of them using his ogre powers and rejoined Class VII onboard the imperial family’s airship Courageous. Thanks to Alfin and his bond with his classmates, Rean learned to stop fearing his ogre powers and started opening up more to those closest to him. Using the Courageous, Class VII successfully led a mission to retake Thors before ultimately confronting the Noble Alliance’s leader, Duke Cayenne, and stopping his plan to use the Infernal Castle to win the war. At the same time, new drama entered Rean’s life: Shortly after stopping Duke Cayenne’s plan, Crow unexpectedly died and Osborne was revealed to still be alive - and Rean’s real father. Rean, for his part, was formally recognized by the imperial government for his role in ending the war and became a national hero. This was, however, merely a ploy to pressure Rean into obeying Osborne’s wishes, and it succeeded, as Rean subsequently became an operative in Erebonia’s conquest of Crossbell. It was during this time that he became acquainted with Crossbell Special Support Section leader Lloyd Bannings.After Crossbell’s annexation, Rean fought in the Northern War, which resulted in Erebonia annexing North Ambria. He partook in the siege of Haliask, where he fought archaisms using Valimar. During this stretch of the war, Rean lost control of his ogre powers and was rendered unconscious for three days. As a result, he once again lost faith in his ability to control himself, and swore off the use of his ogre power.
In April S.1206, roughly 1.5 years after the civil war’s end, Rean started a job as instructor of a “new Class VII” at Thors’s new branch campus in western Erebonia. At the branch campus, Rean bonded with his students and fellow faculty while also taking on assignments from the imperial government. It was also during this time that Osborne’s plan to trigger the Great Twilight started unfolding, causing Rean, his students, and his comrades to regularly butt heads with jaegers, Ouroboros, and powerful cryptids. Ultimately, however, Osborne outmaneuvered all attempts by Rean, Olivert, and others to stop him; the Courageous was destroyed by a bomb with Olivert still onboard, Rean’s forces were spread thin through various battles, and Rean himself was forced to watch as Millium Orion was killed and turned into a Sword of the End. Finally at his wit’s end, Rean suffered a mental breakdown and was consumed by his ogre powers, causing him to violently trigger the Great Twilight himself before being taken captive by Osborne and Ishmelga.
After a short period of captivity, Rean was freed by Class VII and their allies. He, along with the SSS and the Liberl Bracer Guild, declined to become part of Musse Egret’s Operation Mille Mirage, instead choosing to oppose Osborne their own way. Rean, as Valimar’s Awakener, decided to partake in the Rivalries to reform the Great One, in hopes of defeating Ishmelga’s curse. He gradually defeated and absorbed power from the other Awakeners until, finally, during Operation Jormungandr, he defeated Osborne and Ishmelga, becoming the pilot of a corrupted Great One. It is at this time when two different futures unfolded: In one, Rean flew the Great One beyond Zemuria’s atmosphere to remove Ishmelga from the continent. In the other, Rean used the power of the Holy Beast of Earth to give Ishmelga’s curse a corporeal form, allowing him and his friends to destroy it. It was this latter future that became Zemuria’s reality, while the former remained hypothetical and unrealized.
Many months after Ishmelga’s defeat, in S.1207, Rean became involved in the incident involving Crossbell and Elysium. While combating enemy forces in the Nord Highlands, Rean started undergoing assimilation with Ishmelga-Rean, an alternate version of himself created by Elysium based on the unrealized timeline from when Ishmelga was first beaten. Later, during the final confrontation with Ishmelga-Rean, the real Rean saw visions of his other self’s sacrifice and finally grasped the devastating effects his past martyr-like behavior had on those he loved. He vowed to make a change before eliminating Ishmelga-Rean, stopping the assimilation.
Sometime after the clash with Elysium, Rean visited Longlai in eastern Calvard with his family, secretly hoping to track down Yun while there. Instead, he encountered members of the Ikaruga jaeger corps, who informed him that Yun was not in Longlai before departing. Rean has since contented himself with his current life as a Thors instructor, sensing that the next incident to befall Zemuria will involve not him, but an entirely different group of heroes.
Analysis: From even a cursory glance at Rean’s story, it is clear he endured much distress and trauma at a young age, and in my view, the result was deep-seated mental illness - namely depression. I am not a psychologist, but I would wager that the violent manner in which his five year-old self lost his home, his mother, and, almost, his own life, was horrific enough for his mind to block all memory of that period as a defense mechanism. This would help explain how Rean did not remember his real parentage until his encounter with Osborne in CS2 jogged his memory. Further stressing Rean were the controversies surrounding his adoption, which were not at all his fault but still interpreted as such by him, and the sudden, gory manner in which he learned of his ogre power. With such a potent combination of stressors burdening his young mind, it is no surprise to me that it took Rean such a long time to overcome his feelings of guilt and worthlessness. He was saddled with depression during the most formative period of his life, and like any mental illness, depression cannot be overcome with just one or two instances of positive reinforcement. It is often something people have to live with for many years, with periods of relative difficulty and relative ease. Looking at it this way, it makes sense for Rean’s arc to have taken as long as it did.
Side note: Obviously, Rean’s story is not the most realistic depiction of depression in fiction, but the manner in which it unfolds and is presented is still enough for me to take it seriously as a journey of struggling with mental health. When Rean receives support or encouragement from his friends and family, it helps in the short-term, but does little to erode the larger problem because that simply isn’t enough. Further, Rean’s progress is not linear, but is marked with occasional setbacks: In CS2, he finally learns to stop fearing his ogre power, but in CS3, we see that he is still vulnerable to losing control of it, and he does so during the Northern War and in the finale of that game. He receives a pendant (“meds?”) and training (“therapy?”) to control said power in CS3, but he still struggles with it. In CS4’s “bad” ending, even after everything he has gone through, Rean falls back into his old habits of self-sacrifice, because that’s how “baked-in” his problems are; he doesn’t even see the issue because he’s lived that way for so long. It is CS3’s finale that is the most striking part of Rean’s journey to me: In my eyes, it is the same as Rean having a mental breakdown, too overcome by his own emotional turmoil to control himself. He becomes consumed by his own demons, literally and figuratively, and it takes the collective effort of his loved ones in CS4 to bring him back to stability.
It is also fitting that Rean’s big turning point - the moment in Reverie where he sees the pain his martyr-esque behavior causes others - is as dramatic as the instances that facilitated Rean’s internal struggle to begin with. What I particularly appreciate about this chunk of Rean’s arc is that it is presented as Rean finally realizing the change he needs to make, rather than him being instantly cured of his ailments. It is simply him resolving to change his outlook on himself and his relationships, and that feels more grounded to me than any alternative route the writers could have taken.

Personality

Rean is a kind, courageous, selfless individual who greatly cares about those around him. Despite his own low self-esteem, he is a gifted speaker and possesses the spirit of a natural-born leader. It is this charisma that quickly made him the de facto leader of Class VII, as he often served as an intermediary for the interpersonal clashes between his other classmates (see: Machias/Jusis and Fie/Laura). He often goes out of his way to help his peers solve problems or make their lives easier. This behavior is propelled by his own feelings of worthlessness, which causes his generosity to often escalate to self-sacrificial activity. On the occasions when Rean is unable to help someone, he often feels guilty, even if the problem at hand was not his fault or was out of his control (examples include his inability to stop Vulcan and Crow from dying in CS2).
Rean is also extraordinarily perceptive thanks to his Unclouded Eye technique, which he learned from Yun Ka-fai. This allows him to set aside any preconceived notions or prejudices he may have and accurately discern a person’s true nature. His training also allows him to notice things others may not, such as objects moving at high speed or unseen people/creatures in his vicinity. At the same time, there are things he struggles to pick up on, namely when it comes to others’ feelings regarding him. Rean often fumbles when it comes to romantic/intimate interactions with the girls in his life, either unintentionally flustering them or failing to understand how deep their feelings run. Rean also fails to understand how his martyr behavior hurts those he cares about, despite numerous incidents ending with people refusing to abandon him and calling him out for perceived recklessness.
Analysis: One thing I’ve always appreciated about Rean is that, despite his serious personal problems, he never comes off as whiny, annoying, cringe, etc. He knows how to compartmentalize and portray an air of confidence and amicability; I would attribute this to his noble upbringing, as we see similar behavior in other noble characters like Laura and Jusis. His natural ability as a speaker and leader are reminiscent of Osborne’s, as is his penchant for self-sacrificial behavior; Osborne was, after all, willing to bond with Ishmelga, literally give his heart to his son, and turn himself into a villain for the sake of his people.
There are considerable differences between Rean and the three protagonists who preceded him. He is almost the antithesis of Estelle: She is lively, spontaneous, and unafraid to open up to others emotionally, Rean is more reserved and measured, and is initially guarded, though he does learn to express himself over time. While he does share similar backstory details to Kevin, their outward personalities are starkly different, with Kevin being suave and laid-back and Rean being more serious and passive. As for Lloyd, while Rean does share his kindness, perception, and leadership ability, the two do have their differences as well. Lloyd’s arc is about starting from nothing and overcoming barriers, gaining strength along the way. He is driven by a commitment to justice and a zealous patriotic spirit. Rean, on the other hand, starts out with great power at a young age but struggles to control it, making his journey more internal and personal than Lloyd’s. Additionally, his fighting spirit comes not from burning passion, but from steely nerve and trust in his companions. And, of course, he is not morally gray like his successor, Van.

Relationships

Due to the sheer number of people Rean becomes involved with, I will only address his more notable relationships. Many will be in clusters, with only a select few individuals receiving their own entries.

• Old Class VII: Old Class VII is Rean’s core friend group through the entire Cold Steel arc. They are the ones who fight by his side during the arc’s major events, including the Erebonian civil war, the Great Twilight, and more. Although Emma Millstein was class president during their student years, Rean gradually becomes Old Class VII’s’ de facto leader in the field due to his good rapport with all its members and his role in helping them bond with each other. By the end of CS1, he is very much the proverbial glue that holds Old Class VII together, and Rean executes this role flawlessly in CS2 by bringing their scattered members back together again. Despite his love for his classmates, Rean largely hesitates to seek them out for emotional support due to his low self-worth, and it isn’t until he sees their heartbroken reactions to his “death” in Reverie when he realizes how much he means to them.
• New Class VII: Rean is New Class VII’s teacher at Thors’s branch campus starting in CS3. Over the course of the game and its sequels, he forms a unique bond with each of his five students: A father-like figure for Altina, a tough-love mentor for Ash, a source of confidence for Kurt, a role model for Juna and… uh… maybe I shouldn’t discuss Musse. Anyway, the wisdom Rean imparts on New Class VII helps them all mature into capable young adults, particularly Juna, who essentially fills Rean’s shoes in CS4 Chapter 1 and leads the charge to rescue him from Osborne.
• Schwarzer family: Rean’s adopted parents and sister. Rean cares deeply about the Schwarzers, to the point where seeing them being physically threatened causes his ogre powers to manifest uncontrollably in CS1-2. At the same time, despite having the Schwarzer’s unconditional love and support, Rean feels like a significant burden to them for much of his young life, particularly to Teo. This matter is eventually settled by the end of CS2. There is also the matter of Elise, his younger sister, who develops feelings for him as they age (writing that did not sit well with me at all, but the show must go on…). Rean, for his part, is exceptionally protective of Elise until she finally rebuffs this part of him in Reverie, arguing that she is strong enough to take care of herself.
• Crow Armbrust: If any one member of Class VII, new or old, deserves an individual mention, it is unquestionably Crow. Crow and Rean share a unique, dynamic relationship that evolves considerably over the four Cold Steel games. In the beginning, Crow is Rean’s rival and superior in many ways. He is older, more cunning, and a stronger Awakener than Rean (at least when piloting Ordine). But over time, Rean gains strength and confidence, which allows him to beat Crow in CS2, and then defeat him again in CS4, at which point he essentially becomes Crow's lord and retainer by sparing his life.
  • The two are very much foils for one another, with similarities and differences: Both are young men who are descended from political leaders (who were themselves bitter enemies). Both are Awakeners guided by witches - Crow by the mighty Vita and Rean by the fledgling Emma and Celine. At the same time they are almost total opposites as people, with Crow being cocky, deceptive, and rebellious, while Rean is modest, honest, and upstanding. Even their hair colors contrast! In that sense, Crow also serves as a benchmark for Rean's growth, as their relationship roles essentially switch in CS4, with Rean gaining dominance over Crow.
• Yun Ka-fai: Because there is still much mystery surrounding Yun Ka-fai, it is difficult to dissect him in the context of this write-up. However, we do know that Rean was Yun's last discipline - the last of four. Rean also receives correspondence from Yun at various points in the story, largely to give life updates and confer higher ranks onto Rean (Is this the Trails equivalent of Zoom classes? No, wait, they have actual tech for that…). From the content of his letters, Yun seems to think highly of Rean as both a person and a swordsman. Despite not being present for Rean's final few years of training, Yun understands Rean's journey intimately, to the point where he feels comfortable making Rean a Divine Blade through a proxy in CS4. This begs questions: How does Yun know so much? Does he possess some form of the Unclouded Eye that lets him detect such things in his students? Is he basically Yoda? Or is someone watching Rean on Yun's behalf? Furthermore, in his letter to Rean in CS3, he says he will impart his final teachings onto Rean “when” they meet again. This might be reading too much into it, but Yun seems quite confident he will see Rean again. My guess is that Yun has something planned, if not for Rean, then for all of his disciples. And I suspect that that plan was part of why Yun chose to promote Rean to Divine Blade when he did. The timing, right before the final battle at the Duatha de Danann, is too convenient for me to ignore. Either Yun wanted to help Rean reach peak form in time, or he had some other motive. Or both.
• Giliath Osborne: Osborne is Rean's biological father. Despite coming off as callous at first, it becomes clear in CS4 and Reverie that Osborne truly loved his son and was willing to sacrifice everything for him, including his heart (literally) and his humanity. Rean inherited a number of traits from Osborne, including his charisma, leadership ability, flawed selflessness, and strength of spirit. The two share an innate need to put others’ happiness over their own, albeit for different reasons, and both suffered in silence for years because of it. This is part of why, despite having the same goal, Rean and Osborne both fought each other with all they had during the final Rivalry: Neither wanted to see the other inherit the curse's full power, Osborne because he didn't want to see Rean suffer any longer and Rean because he essentially accepted that he was the curse's Sacrifice. After CS4, Rean learns more about Osborne's inner thoughts and motives, developing a deep admiration for his father and a desire to make his sacrifice worthwhile.
• Lloyd Bannings: Lloyd and Rean are quite comparable. They are the main protagonists of their respective arcs, both are leaders in their own right, both embody aspects of the “dense male protagonist” trope, and both are overall kind, perceptive (outside of romance), overall heroic young men. But like Crow, Lloyd is a foil for Rean, and this is apparent from their very first meeting, in CS2's Divertissement. Lloyd and Rean's circumstances were polar opposites: Lloyd was a vigilante, relegated to the shadows, with only a skeleton crew for support, while Rean was an Erebonian national hero with a Divine Knight and the full power of his country behind him. At the same time, Rean had no agency during this time, as he had been manipulated by Osborne into accepting such status and becoming part of a reprehensible operation. Lloyd, on the other hand, was a free agent, uncompromising in his ideals and fighting tirelessly for true justice. In short, Lloyd was powerless but free, while Rean was powerful but trapped. In that moment, it is obvious that Rean respected Lloyd's convictions and may have even envied him. Fortunately for the two, they find themselves on the same side in CS4 and a proper friendship between the two forms.
• Patrick Hyarms: Patrick and Rean’s relationship had an uneasy start. Although Patrick initially tried to ingratiate himself with Rean, he was rebuffed due to his elitist attitude towards commoners and other non-nobles. Patrick was quick to change his disposition towards Rean, treating him with disgust due to his unknown origins and lack of noble blood. After being humiliated by Rean and the other non-noble men of Class VII, Patrick starts to reassess his mindset and eventually becomes more accepting of non-nobles. This, in turn, leads to Rean and Patrick becoming friends, and in CS3, the two are shown to be trusted partners in certain areas. The friendship is somewhat complicated by Patrick’s romantic interest in Elise, of whom Rean is especially protective.

Future

As a main series protagonist, Rean is basically guaranteed to return in a future game. Whether or not he will be playable or have a significant role in said game is difficult to ascertain, but given his lengthy period of stardom in the Cold Steel games and Trails’s treatment of other past protagonists, my guess is that he will take more of a side role. Since Rean was looking for Yun Ka-fai after Reverie, and Yun is set to appear in Kai no Kiseki, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Rean in that game at all - at least in flashback form. Failing that, Rean will surely appear in or close to the series finale. Of this I am certain.

Misc. Notes/Commentary

• Funnily enough, Rean’s final struggle with his powers in CS3-4 reminds me somewhat of the finale of Steven Universe Future, which similarly ends with the protagonist losing control of his powers and turning into a raging monster. It is only through the love and reassurance of Steven’s friends and family that he is able to return to normal, and like Rean, he is not necessarily “cured” of anything; he simply has a newfound resolve to get better.
• For those curious: I did not include discussion of Rean’s “harem” in this analysis because I do not see it as a core part of his character. The dating sim aspect of the Cold Steel games is just a silly fanservice gimmick and has no bearing on Rean’s growth or development. While it might have indirectly limited the interpersonal relationships the female characters of CS could form with other males, it did not have a similar effect on Rean.
  • Ftr, I romanced Alisa in CS2 and Sara in CS4.
• Rean’s two big “power of friendship” moments in the series - unlocking Spirit Unification in CS2’s Intermission and snapping out of his ogre rage in CS4’s Fragments chapter - both involve him being faced with a golden crystal which symbolizes his many loving relationships. This is a minor detail, but I do appreciate the parallels at work here.

A few years ago I reconnected with a loved one from childhood while visiting my hometown. We grew up together and were very close, we dated briefly at the beginning of high school, and then never really untangled. Now we’re closer to 40, and on different life paths. I am happily married to someone else.
Nonetheless, we reconnected and it felt very sweet and very sad. I went home and we texted for a long time, just walking down memory lane and he said some very nice things that made me feel lucky to have someone in my life who understood me at my best and worst. He is who comes to mind when you think of “people who feel like home.”
A few months later he died while overseas, and I have not been able to stop dreaming of him. He doesn’t talk in my dreams, so there isn’t any kind of “message” I can glean. Usually, we’re just walking side by side or brushing each other in passing. It’s always pleasant, never stressful or sad.
Last night I dreamed our favorite band was playing a show in our hometown and he was the guitarist (though he didn’t play music in real life). I wore my wedding rings but they were different, silver colored and not gold like they actually are. I seemed to know I was married but couldn’t remember to whom. I kept wanting to get closer to my friend but he was busy, and it was crowded. I felt really sweaty, or was crying, my eyes felt full of liquid the whole time. I was with my little sister, who I had been estranged from my whole life, and we were close feeling. I was enjoying being with her and watching her have fun. This part made me sad.
At one point, I became lucid and understood that this could not be my friend because he was dead, and I tried to stay in the dream but I woke up.
I feel emotional writing this. These things are hard to shake off aren’t they.

Hi, I just needed some place to vent, I want to talk about my life in detail and I think this is the right place as I don't think anyone from my society would find it, even if they do, no one will recognize me Head upset it's gonna be very long^ Also English isn't my first language so bear with my mistakes please
So I (25f) have been married for 4 years (and got engaged a year before) to my husband (28m) and we have a child who is 2yo
I didn't get married out of love nor was I interested in marriage life in the first place, I just wanted to get out of my family house I got abused almost my whole life, when I was little my father got arrested (thank God) so he wasn't around for almost 12 years, I never knew what was the case and I honestly don't care. Anyway, despite my father being gone, my older brother took the job of abusing the rest of us I still remember getting slapped to the wall for not opening the door to him quickly, and multiple times of verbal abuse etc, yet he also wasn't around much so he wasn't that big of a deal Anyway, as I entered school specifically on my second grade One of the teachers got her eye on me, I used to skip school a lot but that didn't affect my grades in anyway, idk why she was so pissed with me for that, she would get me out of class and make me stand out of the door for a whole period, or yelling at me and calling me a liar, or trying to shame me in front of my classmates, taking me to the principal office any chance she can to make her also yell at me (yes, just because I skipped) I wasn't a trouble maker, actually I was pretty quiet I still don't understand what was the issue with her. At first I was so scared of her I couldn't even tell my mom about it, as a child that teacher convinced me that even my mom is disappointed with me and wouldn't believe or stand up for me so I kept quiet for a year. On my 3rd grade I had a meltdown out of fear of going to school and see her again and I told my mother about everything, she was very angry and went to school to confront her, the school staff sided with her and said she was only looking out for me, my mom made them promise not to bully me again However that didn't change anything I counted skipping school and she quickly got back to the bullying I used to tell my mom I wanted to change schools but she always said I wouldn't handle other schools as they all do lots of homework and I hated doing homework (my school didn't focus on doing homeworks) so, that shit kept going my whole elementary school days Nothing made her stop, my mom didn't want to make an official complaint as she didn't want the guilt of getting the teacher fired, and small talk didn't do anything and she just kept bullying me.
I don't know if I forgive my mom for that or not, I was a child, but she also didn't know better I think I'm just disappointed with her
Anyway, on my 6th grade I got enough and told my mom I want to quit school for good She agreed and I felt relieved for the first time in years However, 2 weeks later we got a call from my school and I answered, on the other line was the exact same teacher asking why I haven't been coming to school for the last 2 weeks I panicked and hung up the phone on her, I asked my mom about it and she said she didn't get me off school as she thought maybe if I just stopped going for a while I would eventually clear my mind and decide to get back I felt pretty awful, I really thought she had my back but i guess not I refused to go anyway and she tried everything to convince me but nothing worked In the end she agreed to transfer me to another school that's more laid back, That was her last option because that school's fees were kinda high I agreed and got there and finished the year.
Anyway the damage was done so I refused any kind of public schools anymore My mom (again) convinced me to try going to the same middle school as my cousin whom I was close to I tried for half a year and just gave up, I told her either I start homeschooling or I would quit for good Finally my mom agreed to that and I kept homeschooling until I graduated high school.
Around my 1st grade of high school my father got out of jail, I didn't really know his personality and my family made me believe he was an admirable person, that image of him didn't last a day after he came back. I quickly realized he's abusive too, he would yell everyday for the stupidest things (why you have many dishes? Why are you eating instant noodles? Why are you hiding in your room? Why did you take 2 tissues instead of 1??) He would also slap my younger brother for anything, even my mom got slapped multiple times I somehow didn't get hit by him, but he would come to my room as I was sleeping to yell at me for my abnormal sleeping schedule, or open my closet and yell for having exposed clothes That got my anxiety levels so high I started locking up my room when I sleep, even wake up multiple times to check the locks Then one day he threw the worst fit at me for whatever reason, I think it was (sleeping to many hours and using the phone too much) or some shit like that Anyway he kept yelling and threatening me for hours and it still the worst day of my life. Anyway after that I got several panic attacks and got into deep depression / anxiety I really thought of ending myself but I wasn't that brave
So, I finally decided to seek therapy, I went and told everything and they described me some pills to get better.
At that time I got engaged, the guy was decent and I wanted any way to get out of the house My culture doesn't allow you to move out unless you're married or have a big carrier that took you out of home So I was really stuck there. I told my husband (then fiancé) about my mental state and he was really supportive I got married and it was really hard for me, I hated physical communication and even the emotional stuff would get me so irritated, but eventually I got used to it and started acting like a very loving wife My husband thinks I'm the best wife in the world Little did he know I just do anything that would make things easier for me and that encluded not having fights and do whatever the other person wants so I wouldn't have to face any annoying conversations (I know it's very unhealthy) So after a while I decided I wanted a child, I actually always dreamed of being a mom but my anxiety used to get in the way, so when my meds did it's job and I felt more secure I thought it was time for it, I told my therapist and she also agreed that I was ready for that
So finally I had my baby girl and she's absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me I love her so much and I finally felt alive after having her And my life seemed to be finally settled, I had a great husband, he loves me so much and really care for me, he hired a weekly cleaning service and doesn't really ask me for anything except making food sometimes since he can't really cook (he have an injury that make it hard for him to stand up and do the physical chores) He's also very understanding of my mental Status and try his best to make me happy, I know he loves me a lot and I love him too, just not "that" way I really tried to love him but I just cant This isn't the life I wanted This isn't the life I dreamed of I can't feel satisfied whatsoever
I recently got worse mentally and Idk why, this year I got my child to pre-school and somehow that got my anxiety up again Is it because it's something similar to "schools"? Is because of the routine? Idk It's hard and Idk what to do
Might update later

Today I failed my driver license test but in a whole different way. I failed it before it even started. I took 37 lessons (two more than usual amount of lessons) to fail at the polygon! At the first task called “snake” (jargon), I ran over the bottom part of the traffic cone. I saw I was getting close to them but that happened during the practice and I haven’t run over them or koncked them down so I tought it’ll be all right. And then, I came to the end and the tester (I’m not sure if this make sense in English) told me I ran over it and that my instructor and some other dude (probably instructor from another school) also saw that. I felt humiliated. After all those 8 months of lectures of both traffic rules and first aid and then 37 lessons of driving I failed the test before it even started on freaking polygon! The shittiest thing about this is that the polygon was the thing where I had my best moments. I could do it successfully for 30 times in a row. I was 99% sure I will pass it. On the way back home to our town my instrucotr said that in a period of one year no one of his candidates have failed at the polygon and that he can’t think of another time when the test of his candidate ended this quickly. My life is a mess in many different aspects besides this so this didn’t help my self esteem and confidence for sure. I feel like the most retarded person in the whole world. I feel like I also failed as a man when I couldn’t manage to learn how to drive and park normally. Is that normal?

I (18F) started living with my dad (46M) and his girlfriend (42F) almost a year ago. Before that I only saw my dad a few times in my whole life as I can remember. My parents got divorced when I was 5 and my dad moved to another country after that and when I was around 10 years old I stoped talking to my dad entirely because we found out about his secret marriages. Until I was 17 I lived with my mom, older sister and grandparents. My older sister moved with my dad after she finished high school because the future of my country is not that bright. And I did the same when I was 17. My older sister moved out of my dad’s house so that his girlfriend could move in. Two years after that occurred, I moved in with them. At the beginning it was very uncomfortable for me because my dad acted like him and my relationship is great and his girlfriend was annoyingly nice to me. Neither of them tried to make me comfortable and gave me my personal space. They just couldn’t understand that they were both complete strangers to me. Back then we were living in a one bedroom apartment together and the bedroom was mine but all their stuff was always there. No one had any personal space. My dad wouldn’t give me enough allowance to spend a whole week with. And he was earning a lot. I never ate his girlfriend’s food because it always looked, smelled, tasted disgusting. So I always made my own food but he would get me the food that I wanted. His girlfriend would be so pissed off any time I made my own food because “what was wrong with hers”. We have a dog and they would always yell at the poor little dog. My dad used to beat him as my sister told me. And I saw his girlfriend hitting him once and she got pissed off because I made this a huge deal. My dad sided with her of course. They said I would’ve understood why they hit the dog only if I took care of him. But I do take care of the dog and he never bites me or anything. He just has some issues because of their behaviour towards him. When I would come in to the house, while going into my room I would just greet them with a simple “hi” and that became a huge deal for his girlfriend. My dad would always warn me about my cold behaviour. I was not cold. I just had nothing to talk to with two strangers. They were arguing a lot during that time and it was all because I was not talking to his girlfriend. Why isn’t a simple hi and a smile not enough? She completely ignores me most of the time. I was doing even too much. When me and my dad would argue, she would call me older sister, who has nothing to with this, and starts yelling at her. His girlfriend would get mad whenever I talked to my mom on the phone. It was not like I was talking to her in front of them. I always talked to my mom in my room quietly so that they wouldn’t hear a thing when I could easily hear everything they do. By everything, I mean everything. Their bed was in the living room and there was only a very thin wall between my room and the living room. During some nights, I could hear them having intimacy. I could hear everything detailed. And sometimes my dad would joke about it. Their voice kept me awake so many nights. After 3 months of living with them I had to go back to my home country, to my mom, to my home. I stayed there for another 3 months and came back to the hell hole to begin my school life there.
When I came back, all my stuff from my room was removed and they immediately moved into my room. I had to sleep in the fcking living room like a dog. Even our dog was sleeping in the bedroom with them now. After a month later we moved to a bigger house and everyone had their room now. But still, somehow all their arguments were because of me. I always had a cheerful extrovert personality but with them. I never even talked to them properly. I never caused any reason for them to argue. Their first one after I came back was because I wanted to clean my own room now. She said that it’s a woman’s job to clean the house and it was her house so that was her job. I was literally doing her a favour. She used to clean the apartment once in a month. I cannot keep living in such a disgusting place. I am doing my own laundry, cleaning my own room, cooking my own food, and I was never around to disturb anyone. I am always in my room. I wouldn’t used to lock my door while leaving or at nights. But after their argument a few weeks ago, I just started doing that. She smear me and my mom on trying to break my dad and her up and after that allegedly I was going to make my dad and mom a couple again so that my mom could move to this country. And she even said that she had voice recordings of my conversations with my mom. My mom absolutely hates my dad. Mom swears that the next time she sees my dad she’s going to kill him. Not that she’s actually going to do it. But she just hates him so much. And I totally understand. Apparently my dad was an abusive, manipulative misogynist during their marriage. And anyone who spends just an hour with my dad can easily see that this is correct. After I learned that his girlfriend smeared me with such stupid things, I started locking my door. You can never know what she could do to my room. She could create fake evidence to proof her lies. I have to always think these things now. And now me locking my room became a huge deal. My dad and his girlfriend are not in the home today and I had to go somewhere. While I was outside for literally 30 minutes, they came home for a few minutes and saw that I left my door open. And a while ago my dad called me angrily because my door was open and his girlfriend got mad because of that. He told me to either keep it locked all the time or open all the time. Whenever he talks to me, he talks about his girlfriend badly, but warns me to be a better girl to her. I literally cannot be any better. I am not allowed to take a shower while she’s at home, after I take a shower I have to dry the floor with a towel because it gets “so wet”, I cannot come home after they go to bed, I cannot leave my room when it’s only her and me at home, my dad doesn’t fcking talk to me when his girlfriend is at home because the attention on her moves to me for a few seconds, I cannot use kitchen while she’s using it, I have to be extra kind to her when she’s on her period but nobody cares about it when I am on mine. Once they had a really big argument because I didn’t say “Ramadan Mubarek” to her on Ramadan. They call themselves Muslim but they do everything that is haram. I’m not judging anyone’s way of religion but you cannot seriously expect me to say “Ramadan Mubarak” to you after you live a life like this. If she wanted to say that to me I would also say that back to her. And during that time for some reason nobody knows, she didn’t talk to me or even looked at my face for 3 days. So why the f would I talk to her now? She told my dad that if he’s paying my yoga membership, he had to pay her sports membership too. She doesn’t do any sports or go to gym or anything. I’m so f*ing sick of always have to be kind to her. She introduces me as her daughter to people but treats me no better than a stray dog. She always called me and my sister disrespectful and probably some other insults. I cannot understand what they are saying while arguing because they use a foreign language that I don’t know. I don’t have to put up with any of these. Whenever my dad talks to me it’s always about her. Everything is about her. And don’t get me wrong I’m not jealous of the attention or anything. I’m just so sick of me being the black sheep when I’m absolutely not doing anything wrong. And I swear I’m not doing anything wrong. But I’m always to blame. This is so frustrating.

I had been best friends with N for about 4 or 5 years, since we were in high school. After finishing high school, we got into different colleges, but they were very close by, so that wasn't the problem. The problems with our friendship started when we were seniors in high school. It was then N got into a relationship, but, mind you, that was not an issue. I actually knew their significant other even before N, since I was a kid, but we had barely had any contact before they got together, except for following each other on instagram. I supported and helped N in pursuing them, however, I made clear I would not involve myself if any issues would arise in their relationship, and would not meddle. I was really happy for N, and gave them date advice and whatnot. However, there were small issues from the begining. I tried to keep a comfortable distance, as not to make their significant other upset, but still close enough to remain best friends. However, their SO had a hot/cold attitude with me. Sometimes they would be really really friendly, even more then necessary, which made me a bit uncomfortable, but I still didn't mind it a lot, and other times, they would give me dirty looks and passive agressive replies. Still, I didn't mind because my friend was happy, and that was all that mattered to me. First bigger issue was the way their SO behaved. They would sometimes be quite rude to N, even in front of his family. I found that off putting, but I still said nothing, because I thought it was not my place. I think I kind of regret not saying anything, but still, I promised not to meddle, and, I was still a bit immature, being not even 18 yet. My friend never complained, but they would look stressed sometimes, yet happy most of the time. One of the big issues arose when I was not even there, and I wouldn't have known about it, if N hadn't told me. When their SO visited N's home, N's grandma, being an older lady, said she 'couldn't wait for N to live with' me. Now, at that time, N and I were thinking of being roommates, since we were planning to study in the same city. I don't know what N's grandma meant, but I understand why it would sound strange and uncomfortable to his SO. N and I never had anything going on, and our relationship was fully platonic. I never had any feelings for them, and only saw them as a sibling or a friend. It was then their SO started disliking me fully, and it was then we stopped hanging out as much. I understood at first, but after that our contact started getting rarer and rarer. When we started college, I got into the one in a bigger city, and N in the one in a town close by. At the begining, we saw each other often, however, over time, N started avoiding meeting with me. It was convenient for us to meet in my city, since there was more to do, but they started to often come by, and not even call and say they're coming. This wouldn't be an issue if they didn't start to refuse to come when I called them to hang out. After a while, I would shoot them a message and ask if they wanted to hang out, but after a couple of times that ended as well. The end came when I sent a text to see how they were, and N invited me to a party in our home town, saying they would be going with their SO and another friend. Seeing as there was another person going, I agreed. However, when we met up, they told me the person canceled. Now, I know it was not their fault, but it made me a bit uncomfortable, as I knew how third wheeling with them was like. And, sure enough, when we arrived, they immediately distanced themselves, and started making out, leaving me to just stand awkwardly by myself. I eventually found a couple of people I knew from high school, and didn't see them until the end. I was quite upset, since I would have liked to know there was no one else coming before the party, because I am an introvert with quite a bit of social anxiety, and parties are quite hard for me. After that party I decided to let N continue the contact, since I was sick of having to beg for us to hang out, or just talk. Of course, they never contacted me again. However, recently, I found myself questioning if I should ask them to sit and talk, and try to resolve the issues we never talked about. So, should I contact them?