This is my first post here, most likely won't be posting much but this sub has helped me with lots of tips the weeks before surgery, but also made me scared of things that I really didn't have to be so I want to make a positive post to show you that yes you can do this and do well on the first 10 days.
Just for the reference I'm over 40 and had the surgery done because of a shoulde back problem, went from a DD to maybe a C, doctor said wouldn't take much more than that and although some days were tough I look back now and think that went by really fast. Another thing, I went to school for Nutrition so I tried to keep a very good diet pre and post op, I'm already getting out of the track but first week I did great LOL
So here's what worked for me:
Increase your protein intake before and after surgery. I don't really like to eat meat/ chicken every day but I've been doing just because I have to, also eating other kinds of protein.
High fiber diet and lots of water (and walk) - from the beginning I knew I didn't want to take stool softeners or laxatives and because of that I ate lots of salad, fresh fruits (stay away from apples), multigrain bread, ActiviA yogurt, probiotic juice, lots of liquids and I was walking since 1DPO, all started to work on 2DPO and by the 3rd day I was going to the bathroom normally. Also: this is pretty good, cook some dry apricots in water and eat, works better than prunes.
Things that I bought and used:
Couldn't shower for 48h so these rinse free bathing wipes worked amazing to keep me clean. I have to add a note here that I was very scared of showering, after the first shower (seating on a little stool, don't buy a shower chair, just use any little stool with a towel on the seat) I didn't shower for 2 days because I was way too scared and mostly because I was scared to look at my stitches and because I read horror stories here. With prayers and a good pep talk I took a shower all by myself after 2 days.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XQ9NQPQ?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
I bought a mastectomy pillow just because I have 2 dogs and one of them loves to jump on me otherwise I wouldn't have bought
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CPMFFVKP?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details&th=1
I used lots of pillow to sleep and worked fine, don't waste your money buying those pregnancy pillows, each day you're going to want a pillow in a different place.
These pads are the best to use inside your bra, you will have some drainage and these work perfectly
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09YVPCT6N?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
That leads to bras, what an ordeal. The bra I came from the surgery was some medical bra that is exactly the Carole Martin on Amazon (thanks for someone who wrote about it on this sub), I got an extra one but was horrible, digging on my armpits. That fruit of the loom that everyone raves about it also had the same problem for me, not mention the elastic on top of my incisions. This one is the best bra, it runs big so I have now 2 sizes. For reference Im a 42 on Carole Martin and I'm a L on this bra (bought an XL which works but it's a big too big), doctor said I could use and change my bra no problem
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CQLXQJS2?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details Yesterday a friend who is a RN told me that I could use cortisone cream + AD cream or DESITIN cream on top because most likely the pain on my armpits was because the bra was chaffing my armpits, now Im also using a chaffing gel and things are improving.
And here's the most important tip I'm going to give you, have people with you, tell friends and family that you are having a surgery, it's good to have people praying/ cheering on you, checking on you, bringing you food (although I said many times we didn't need cause I filled my freezer with meals), this part is the most important, makes you feel loved and cherished. You just went/ going through a major surgery and the first few days it's almost impossible to do something by yourself. Having someone helping you out and taking care of you makes a world of difference.
On the 4DPO I went to get my hair washed at the salon, it was great getting out the house, seeing people and being pampered a little bit. Made me feel special and pretty, believe me you will feel very yucky after hospital and surgery. Now I shower and my husband washes my hair, still hurts a lot put my arms up.
My last tip is rubbing alcohol helped clean the sticky from the EKG leads (the sticky pads for monitoring your heart during surgery) on my skin chest, it took a couple of days to realize I had that.
I hope and pray that you (whoever reads this post) have a great surgery and recovery, that you feel very proud of yourself for doing something so brave like this and that you feel pretty confident on yourself before and after the surgery.

(Note: I'm writing this as myself, not as a mod or anything else. Just me, a longtime fan who knows this team is light-years better than they've played this season.)
I wanted to give them both the benefit of the doubt. Let them have more than one transfer window's worth of time to put their system into place. Let mediocrity be a symptom of a new structure, one built the same way he'd built multiple MLS Cup Champion teams. After all, only three people have won with multiple teams, and one's dead and the other is apparently still persona non grata for reasons unknown.
But this...this isn't a group of good players working through the kinks of a new system. This is a lack of cohesive system, an inability to field the best players on the team at their respective positions, and a lack of precision and discipline on both offense and defense. And it's been nearly half a season now. Sure, we've had a ton of injuries (and frankly I'd fire the whole training staff, too, there are way, way more soft tissue injuries to this team than is proportionate over the last several years), but enough of this team is the same team that was first in the East one year ago.
Ironically, the Ivacic and Arreaga acquisitions look pretty good. And I still like the Mensah signing. But Porter has had more than enough time to figure out something and Onalfo has had more than enough time to give Porter the something he needs to make this team work.
A good team is better than the sum of its parts. Arena took a Brad Friedel team and made them a playoff team in three months. That's what a good coach can do. Caleb Porter took a team that was a top-four team in July and turned them into the worst team in MLS.
I'm done. Porter out. Onalfo out. Bilello stays only because I believe he's better equipped to make the Everett stadium happen and cause Porter was, on paper, a good choice, so I'm not annoyed at the idea as much as I am at the terrible execution.
Give Tierney the keys as GM. Gio Savarese is still unattached, I'd bring him in to pick up the pieces. But only if an Arena reunion is truly impossible (which I assume it is).

So several weeks ago I was on my way to a job interview in downtown Houston when my lane came to a sudden stop, all was well until seconds later a semi crashed into a truck two cars behind me causing a chain reaction. The back end of my car was destroyed and I was pushed into the car in front of me, the last car in the crash. A week or so later, after searching about wtf to do next, I hear from this guys insurance that he is reporting that I was drunk at the time of the crash which is utter bs. I rarely EVER drink, let alone on my way to a job interview at 9:30 AM, so I’m pretty pissed that this person would fix his mouth to lie about me, especially after every person involved went through an already traumatic experience. I almost wish that the cops breathalyzed me at the scene so that I could call his bluff. Just wondering what I should I do about this if anything? He really has no proof as I spoke to multiple people at the scene of the crash who can disprove him, the semi was also recorded as solely responsible on the police report (as she should be)
TLDR: got into an accident with a semi truck where I was pushed into someone else and now that person wants to lie that I was drinking. I don’t even drink and he has no proof, is this something I have to worry about?

I don't know if I should call this a rant or not but I will try to make it as conclusive as possible to further understand my take on the mental illness that is feminism.
What I noticed on reddit, if anywhere else, is that OUR arguments and jokes on the MRM side are always mirrored on the feminist side with gleeful autism, almost like their stupid ovaryactions are wisdoms written in stone from Themyscira(land of fictional feminists angry at the greek god of war).
It's almost like our gendered issues can be mirrored in a way that is expected of a dimorphic species with global ties by means of technological advancement. We COULD even find common cause and understanding when we drop the bias towards our own genders (women AND men having a bias towards women, so empathy is definitely the strong suite of feminists).
But no, instead we have THIS level of hipocrisy and lack of self-awareness.
LOL
THEY are calling us self-absorbed by our own worth?!
And then we have ANOTHER rhethoric from the illustrious gender of our species.
Ahem..
- The most famous Russian Empress, Catherine The Great, usurped the throne from her own husband (who was eventually killed), and led furious wars with Crimean Khanate and Ottoman Empire through all her reign. She severely suppressed a few peasant riots within the country and crushed Poland which was later partitioned.
-Elizabeth of Russia usurped the throne during the military coup from the young Tzar Ivan VI (who was only one year old) and led the country during two major European wars: War of Austrian Succession and Seven Years’ War.
-Isabella of France, Queen of England, dethroned and executed her own husband, King Edward II, in close collaboration with her lover.
-Catherine de Medici is considered to be among the main organizers of St. Bartholomew’s day massacre; she was also one of the inspirers of the Religious Wars in France.
-Empress Dowager Cixi before she became the empress, she had killed many Tang royal family members to the point they were nearly wiped out, she is partly responsible for the fall of Qing Dynasty

• "Honorable" mention to Wu Zetian also.

-Empress Zenobia of Palmyria starting a revolt in the eastern fringes of the Roman Empire against the very wishes of her husband who was loyal to Rome. Because muh oppression I guess.
-Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi, who's involvement in East Pakistan led to the Indo-Pakistani War of 1971.
Are YOU really having this argument with MEN?!

I’m a M25, starting to lose weight. My goal weight is about 170-180, and I’m currently 260. So it’ll be a while before I need to worry about this, but loose skin is something I am not looking forward to at all. I’m actually scared of it. I’m worried I’ll look horrible after putting in all the work to lose the weight. It causes major anxiety just thinking about it.
I’ve never been in a relationship. My weight is one reason why because I’m not attractive at the weight that I’m at. I carry my weight very poorly in my opinion. I want to lose weight to increase my dating options, and I’m just worried that while I might look good in clothes I’ll look horrible when I take them off.
What’s everyone’s experience with this? Any words of wisdom or encouragement are appreciated. It really stresses me out thinking about it but maybe if other people say it’s been okay I’ll feel better. Thank you :)

I (21m) live in a small town in rural Arizona. Over the past year, I became closer to an old coworker (24f). Who I use to work with in high school.
Since the start of 2024, she's been talking to this guy, let's call him Adam (27m). Her and Adam would only hang out at night and during this time they would drink a lot. Adam was known for doing bad stuff, and when they get into arguments, she would always tell me how he would threaten her. I keep telling her to block him and leave him as he would go days on end blocking her and going no contact, which makes her upset.
She had a previous drinking and driving experience which led to her being hospitalized and her friend in jail. In April, her mother and sister called me in the middle of the night asking where she was as they were concerned for her. This is during a time where her and Adam were not talking as Adam almost caused a car crash when they were out drinking together. I checked her location and told them where she was. When her mom and sister went to the location, which was at a lake, they found her severely intoxicated with Adam. TDLR, they got in an argument and her sister had to drive her vehicle back home. During this time, my friend called me to tell me to come get her, and her mom said it's fine for me to come get her. It was a hectic night and there was a lot happening. Throughout the whole night, she called Adam over 100 times and he either blocked her or turned off his phone. The following morning, we got an early breakfast and she told me that she would never talked to Adam again and I told her how her relationship with Adam is affecting her family and her friends relationship.
After this incident, it seems its put a strain on our relationship. Every time I come to help her and she gets a phone call, she would go outside and come back when the phone call is done. She doesn't say who the person is. Yesterday was her sisters graduation, and I was suppose to head over to their house and pick her up so that we can get a banner for her sister. As I was near her house, she called and said she's not gonna go but never said a reason. Two hours later when everyone was at their house and we were getting ready to go to the school. We got into her vehicle and on her CarPlay, it showed Adams name. I brought it up by saying, "interesting." and all she said was that they've been talking off and on.
The entire time during graduation, I couldn't talk to her cause she was always on her phone texting.
She knows my position with Adam, but all she says is that she doesn't care what I think. After repeated times of telling the obvious of why Adam is bad, constantly drinking, constantly starts arguments etc. I'm tired of being there for her when she knows this person only hurts her.
WIBTA if I distanced myself from my friend? I had so many plans with her this summer, fishing, hiking, and traveling but it seems like she has different priorities. I feel bad as the place she worked at, the manager is interested in hiring me for the summer, and I don't know if it would make things awkward.

The "Comedy Quens" Stand-Up Challenge results are in!
DURING THE EPISODE...

• After returning from the elimination, Angeria wipes off Elektra's mirror message, with the girls being gagged by the fact that both US girls were eliminated back to back. Plastique says that she thinks Elektra was far too in over her head & that she should've put up a more brutal fight regarding the elimination. She was trying too hard to make alliances instead of proving why she needed to be there, which Plastique seconds and says that that's why she chose her lipstick, on top of the fact that Adore had not only saved her last week but is her season 2 sister so she couldn't do that to her.
• As the queens look over the lipsticks, the girls are gagged that Plastique said everything about Elektra and still picked Adore. She says she knows it isn't against her, but it was for her gain. Adore is a considerable threat, and after 2 weeks of being at the top, she knows that Adore can do what she needs to do to win this competition, so she is confident in her skills enough to send home a big threat, especially because Elektra hadn't been featured in the competition at that point. Adore says that there are no hard feelings, but she does want her to expect there to be hell to pay for trying to eliminate her because she's fighting for a crown.

Monét X Change has won the "Cameo-Style Filmed Videos" Mini Challenge!

• After the mini-challenge results are announced, Monét isn't that happy but plays it off by saying that she'll finally be the one to win a maxi challenge, which the girls laugh at. Shannel, yet again, says that so far, it'll be all that she wins a confessional. Finally, it's told that they're doing stand, and Monét is incredibly happy that it's another comedic challenge that's up her alley & she gets to pick the order. She begins asking the girls what they want, placing herself last. Both Shannel & Eva wish to go first, so Monét picks Shannel and pulls Eva aside and says that she's confident that she'll do better than Shannel in the long run, so it'll place her in a better standing.
• The girls all prepare for the challenge, and Angeria is just practicing her stand-up set, trying to be as funny as possible. She reads off some of her jokes to Adore, which Adore finds super funny & reads off some of hers back to Angeria, where Angeria tells her that she's worried that Adore doesn't have the best jokes for this kind of challenge. The girls all go to the main stage to practice their sets, where Angeria does extremely well yet has some problems with letting the room breathe for laugh lines.
• They continue to practice on the main stage, where Plastique is told that all of her jokes so far are very convoluted and have a little punchline, with her performance all over the place. Monét says in a confessional that she thinks she's got this in the bag this week and messes with Plastique by heckling her just a tad, to which Adore laughs. Plastique says in a confessional that this is more of a reason why she should've sent Adore packing last week. Shannel does some of her set, to which the judges are seen laughing at the opening joke, but the jokes start to get more offensive, and they cut her off.

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ON THE MAINSTAGE...
The tops and bottoms of the week step forward to hear their critiques...
Adore Delano receives negative critiques from the judges. Brad told her that the main problem with her performance this week was that she started well and did well overall, but she let them see she was sweating too much. She kept dropping the f-bomb every 5 seconds and dropped her cards when she knew they were out of order. She didn't let it flow as much as needed. She was allowed structure like every other queen, but she relied on the structure instead of being her naturally funny self. Her runway this week, though, is gorgeous. She blended her rebel aesthetic into this gorgeous elevated punk look.
Angeria Paris VanMichaels receives positive critiques from the judges. Brooke told Angeria that her performance this week was just a fantastic level. She came out and told them the funniest story on the planet, and even though they didn't believe it was 100% true in hindsight, the way she said it had them hooked every second. Facial expressions, voices, body movements; she put everything into that performance to make them laugh, and it worked. This week, her runway also disappointed them; loving how she made this southern belle mixed with this plaid aesthetic but noticed minor clashes.
Eva Le Queen receives positive critiques from the judges. The judges say that she's one of those queens who don't know what she'll do next because this comedic performance was fantastic. She blended stories from her childhood into this funny stand-up set, even working with the crowd to make them laugh and make herself relatable. That's what she did best as a comedienne, making herself relatable to the crowd and making sure they felt comfortable laughing at every joke she made, no matter how wild. Her runway was gorgeous and different for her, but just because it's plaid doesn't mean it's Vivienne Westwood.
Monét X Change receives positive critiques from the judges. Traci says she had the best performance of the entire night. She made an intelligent decision by putting herself last because she warmed them up again with one final excellent performance. She told these fantastic stories, complete with crowd work and whole-body movements where she dove across the stage and made them laugh. She had no holds barred with this challenge because she put her everything, clearly so hungry for a win. Even though her runway this week isn't their favorite, they love how she blended the plaid into this dragged-up lumberjack.
Plastique Tiara receives negative critiques from the judges. The judges say that she is more than just a pretty face; she had to prove that when it came to comedy. It wasn't that she wasn't funny; it was just that she performed it as more of a roast than a stand-up. She came out and started telling them stories about the competition and making fun of the other girls. It was funny at some points but oddly unrelatable for others since she was saying things that would only be funny if the audience had been there. Her runway, though? It was a superb Heathers-inspired ensemble with a funny death reveal.
Shannel receives negative critiques from the judges. Brooke says that the main thing they have to say about Shannel is that she left them more to be desired this week. She had to start the whole thing since she wanted to be first so severely, but she didn't do what was required of her. She is a drag professional by the way she handled the scene. Still, she seemed to be monologuing consistently and needed to make more effort to interject the comedy into a speech. This week's runway also disappoints them since this is her 6th time wearing a gown, and she needs to switch it up.
Angeria Paris VanMichaels, Monét X Change, Condragulations! You are the Top Two All Stars of the week!
Plastique Tiara, Shannel...I'm sorry, my Dears. You are both up for elimination.

── ࣪˖ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ 🇨🇦 ࣪˖ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖──

DURING UNTUCKED...

• The girls all enter back into untucked, and Monét cheers over getting her second win in the competition and having been the only one not in the Bottom, to which Angeria congratulates her as well because now they've both won challenges after being underestimated by the other girls. Shannel rolls her eyes and finally says Monét won, which she doesn't appreciate and quickly corrects her. She rolls her eyes and sits back from starting a fight. Eva and Adore shudder because they're thankful to be safe but feel bad for Plastique, who walks off. Eva walks after Plastique, who's outside the door, saying that she's afraid of going home and feels like giving up, to which Eva tells her that she better not because there are people back in the UK counting on her. They hug after a long emotional talk and enter the werkroom again.
• Plastique first talks to Monét and says that they're both sisters from the UK and that even though she didn't appreciate her heckling, she tells her how she felt about it, and they have a mature conversation where Monét apologizes. Monét says that she sees how badly Plastique wants to be here. Plastique says the same to Angeria and emphasizes how much this competition means to her and how much bigger it is than just her being here. Angeria nods along and agrees that it's much bigger than both in these rising political times.
• Shannel walks over to Monét and apologizes if she's offended her throughout the competition. She stresses that she must keep representing her country correctly since she's the only Down Under girl. Monét agrees but says she's already been able to do that for weeks. Shannel says she's a lost cause when fighting with Monèt and goes on to Angeria. She stresses that as a pageant girl, this is the biggest pageant in the world, and she wants to keep competing. Angeria agrees and says that she isn't sure, to which Shannel responds with reasons why she needs to stay with Angeria, just nodding to everyone.

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AFTER DELIBERATION...
Angeria Paris VanMichaels and Plastique Tiara make their lipstick choices and walk back to the stage, where the other Queens are waiting for them...
TOP2: Angeria Paris VanMichaels / Monét X Change
HIGH: Eva Le Queen
LOW: Adore Delano
BTM2: Plastique Tiara / Shannel
The Top Two Queens will Lip-Sync for their Legacy to "Your Daddy Don't Know" by Toronto. This is your chance to impress me, win the challenge prize, and gain the power to give one of the Bottom Queens the chop. Good Luck, and Don't Fuck It Up!
POLL / Track Record

Sorry I’m new to Reddit and I don’t know if I’m posting correctly. Trigger warning: just disgusting stuff going on in that house. Bodily fluids and such.
I would like to start off, none of this is the kids fault. Absolutely none of it is. They’re children and this all lays in the hands of the adults in that house as they’re currently failing them.
The way she keeps her home; the way she “cleans”, makes my skin itch and sends me into a cleaning spiral in my own home. My house is by no means spotless all the time, nor am I a cleaning expert. I do work 45 hours or so a week and have a dog with long hair that is currently shedding a lot bc of spring. I’m no means a super bleach clean person, but gosh, I whip out the bleach every time I learn about something that goes on in her household. The way I wanna reach in and just clean that place myself
The walking around sweaty like that, her kids are sweaty, she’s sweaty, touching public items and probably bumping into people in the stores because she nor cash have a sense or personally boundaries. Imagining getting bumped by someone that sweaty when I’m trying to grocery shop, would make me want to put everything down and go home or go to a different store.
The pooping in the pool. I would have banned her immediately. Do you know how much business they would lose? Her couple of memberships isn’t worth enough to cover a full day of pool shutdown or the people that would no longer attend the pool because people are routinely pooping in there whenever they attend.
The chicken coop, that speaks for itself. The amount of germs in that is insane. I’m not too sure about it, but my mom always stressed how much germs birds can carry, and to never touch feathers fallen from them. And here she is, sitting her kid in a bird poop nest. The kid that puts his hands in his mouth, touches everything, that probably doesn’t know how to properly wash their hands because I doubt their mother knows either. He’d touch it and it’d go to her other poor kids that would probably end up touching it and then their own mouths, she even has a baby and we all know how babies put everything in their mouth.
The state of her home just speaks that she doesn’t clean enough. I know it’s rough for parents to clean and keep clean, but she takes it to a level I’ve never witnessed. Every child can do small tasks to help keep the house clean. Even 4 year olds can, just a small task like matching socks or something. Clean up their toys, something that doesn’t take too long. But I highly doubt she’s teaching them anything in regards to being clean. I don’t know if she knows how to clean.
Her house is a mess but it’s more of a disaster. Im surprised no one from any government agency or services has told her to clean it up or risk losing her kids and that she’s putting her kids health at risk. Her kids literal health is at risk at the way she’s “maintaining” this homes
Even when she’s on live doing laundry I’m cringing. Is the washer even clean? How many bodily accidents happened in those clothes? Pets or children or even adults. Is she just washing the clothes in poopy/sweaty/pee/anything filled water?
It makes me wonder if that cyst that was on a child’s nose was possibly made worse or got infected in the first place because of the condition she keeps her house. Even if the cyst was going to form, having a clean bed, face towel, even cleaning their face itself, couldn’t have hurt and maybe lessen any infections they could have gotten.
I think her house is a downright fire hazard. Too much stuff, too much unkept stuff, too much of everything everywhere. It’s go up like a match box if one of those chords caused an electrical fire. Either from an animal chewing on it, someone got their hands where they couldn’t, someone put metal where they shouldn’t, the list goes on. And I’m terrified that no one would know what to do in an event that it happens.
Her house isn’t just mess but it’s more of a disaster and I dare say biohazard after learning about the bathtub situation. Where else is she allowing to happen and just not mentioning? Glad that the kids are peeing/pooping even if it’s -blank-? Surely it’s not just when submerged in water. Which makes me now concerned about that lake/pond they are near by.
Im surprised no one from any government agency or services has told her to clean it up or risk losing her kids and that she’s putting her kids health at risk. Her kids literal health is at risk at the way she’s “maintaining” this home.
Dear god, this is just what I beg (in this regard). Get off live and clean.. if you have to be on live. Go live and clean. Just deep clean everything. Tidy up, bleach the floors, carpet clean, vacuum couches, clean the walls, baseboards, the ceiling, the bathrooms, the washer machine and drier, even the fridge and pantry at this point. The kids deserve to be able to have at least one day where their house doesn’t smell like a barnyard. And don’t start that it’s a country thing. I’m in the country. And I would get hives thinkin about spending any time there.

Its a long post so for anyone that will read it or reply thank you so much :)
All my issues started 2 years ago, there was alot of stress and I think that triggered my pelvic pain. I didnt know what was going on with me why did I experiance pain in my PF and penis so I was really lost.
The pain went totally away after ive calmed down after 1.5 months but it was brutal. Then I got sick and had some kidney issues and I got floxed with cipro. I had severe anxiety and panic attacks because of the pills. My body felt weak, my chest felt compressed and it felt hard to breathe. Amogst these symptoms I had many more.
I discovered soon that this was caused by cipro and found subreddit where people helped me. One of the things that really scared me about being floxed is that any stress on the body is not good while recovering... and tendopathy that alot of floxies talked about.
So that caused me a fear of moving. I wanned to get better as soon as I can cause side effect frightened me alot so I was resting alot and just going for short walks... and I think thats where my core weakness started to kick in.
That was going on for few months until I started to get better and I thank God that I did. I had few flares but that way it.
My pelvic pain wasnt gone tho so I wanned to understand what is going on with me but this lead me to alot of stuff (prostatitis, pelvic floor dysfunction, PN...).
So I did alot of reading and after a yeaf of ups and downs I realized I have tight pelvic floor. Ive read what to do but there was too much information with too much different opinions. Some people said engaging core is bad and should be avoided because it strains PF muscles. Some say strenghtening causes flares and that relaxing and stretching should work. So me being stuck in this and wanned to get better have stoped using my abs... and that made weaknes even worse.
I then found pelvic floor PT in another country since we dont have any here and went there. They gave me some exercises and told me to eleminate my stress as much as possible.
And I had 3 days of symptoms. Then they came back but they were very mild I bearly noticed them. Eventually they almost fully went away for like 2 months until I had some back pain. Then they came back again. But that was again very mild and went almost fully away again for 2-3 months.
Then 6 months ago my back pain started suddenly and MRI showed inflamed facet joints. My pelvic pain came back but not that bad. I visited PT for back muscles and they told my my core is really weak. So they had me do some core exercises and after about 5 visits it somehow helped my pelvic pain quite alot I would say.
I had in total 10 visits, would go for more if I could afford but sadly cant.
My pain was mild and also gone for few days in between for 2 months again until recently. I had some stomach issues and I had diarrhea. And I think this could be causing my current flare.
My symptoms:
mainly just irritaton feeling, tight feeling and some pain. Its not constant I have better days and worse days. Sometimes pain just comes for no reason ? Sometimes i bearly feel anything or even nothing.
I have no other symptoms besides that.
Trough out the day the pain is not constant. Stress definetly makes it worse. And walking helps tons and also some stretching.
In those 2 years in total I had 1 month of pain free at the begining. I had around 7 months of almost 0 pain, most of the time I was totally okay but had few moments where I would feel it just a tiny bit again. Ive had few days or weeks without pain aswell but I dont really remember exactly.
Im VERY anxious person and I stress about my pelvic pain alot... always thinking everything does damage to me like certian moves, some straininh, laughing, core strenghtening exercises... and I just keep on searching for the cure. What am I doing wrong, is this even fixable
My questions:
-What should I do to get better, can I fix this?
-Should I stretch?
-Should I strenghten ? What exercises are safe for back ?
-Why does core strenghtening exercises cause flare ? (Glute bridges, bird dog...)
-Why Is pain sometimes on left side and sometimes on right ?
I just wanna be pain free im only 25 I should be enjoying life and working and im just stuck in this cycle.
My biggest fear thats in my head everyday is that this is forever thing and it makes me so damn sad...
Is this curable after 2 years ?
If you came this far I honestly wish you fast recovery and thank you for reading ❤️

I am interested in joining the Air Force and have been reviewing my medical history to identify any potential disqualifications. Generally, my medical history is clear, but there's one concern:
Two years ago, I checked myself into the hospital due to thoughts of self-harm. At that time, I was dealing with a breakup and a custody battle, which made life extremely stressful. After being discharged, I was referred to a doctor who suggested I might have bipolar disorder and prescribed various medications. Despite several appointments and trying four different medications, none worked for me and one even caused a rash. Eventually, I realized I was simply going through a difficult period and didn’t need the medications.
Recently, I reviewed my medical notes and discovered that my doctor had diagnosed me with bipolar II during my first appointment. However, after researching the symptoms, I find that they don't apply to me, except for occasional depression.
I want to join the Air Force to follow in my father’s footsteps, but I am concerned this bipolar diagnosis may prevent me from enlisting. What can I do to address this situation?

First, for context; I was raised in a household where I would get either physically or mentally beaten if I did something wrong. For example, if I were to talk back to my mother she would mentally hurt me, which is why I have a low ego and constant suicidal thoughts. Now I'm an even worse person who gets mad every time someone comes into my room.
My mom believes that I am an asshole and I do too. I also get mad when anyone touches me without permission, causing me to flinch back and make them either worried or upset. I have lashed out at my own mother for touching me multiple times without permission and she tends to insult me when I do so.
I do have feelings, I'm not some emotionless person who doesn't care about anyone at all, (Not that people who hide their emotions are all like that) but I like to keep my bad emotions hidden since I used to get bullied for being the crybaby. My bad emotions are saved until I'm at home and reading, that's when I let all my bad emotions out. Nobody cares about how I'm doing (if I'm feeling bad), and I enjoy that lack of attention; which is why I like keeping my emotions hidden.
I found a quote that perfectly describes how I am in public: Chin up, Princess, or the crown slips. I'm not sure where it comes from, or who said it, but in my mind I'm always saying to myself Don't show your emotions, or you'll face bullying again. I hate myself for this, but I feel I should get over it.
Anyways, enough backstory, I just accidentally hurt my dog because I was mad, but gave her some treats right after because I felt bad. I feel like an asshole because I feel like I mentally hurt everyone around me. I don't deserve anyone who's nice to me because I just put on a mask so I can keep friends. I'm the definition of a faker and I don't get why I'm still alive if I just hurt everyone around me. I take everyone for granted and if they get mad at me my mask just slips off. The only negative emotion I show in public is anger and even when I do show my anger I just get backlash anyways so I always try to apologise either the next day or in the next 2 hours. Sorry to anyone who's actually taking time out of their day to read this, I know it's long. I've been forgotten by my father, who left when I was born; He doesn't even have partial custody and he forgot that I exist, leading him to forget my birthday last year. I'm basically the opposite of a narcissist, (for anyone reading this who doesn't know what a narcissist is: it's someone who has too high of an ego) meaning I hate everything about me, from my mind to my body to my personality to my life. I have thoughts of death every day and I know most people want long happy lives, but I don't.
I kind of just feel the want to get on a private jet as the pilot and purposely crash the plane.
I do self harm, but not cutting, I'll get into that later. I already have the tools to hurt myself. I sometimes pick at my body while finding everything that people hate about me, even if they don't say it. I honestly am a brat, and my mom is so helpful at cheering me up. Lies. She is awesome at making me feel better about myself. Lies. My dad is always there for me. Lies. My life is absolutely awesome. More lies. I honestly hate everything about me, like I already said. I feel like everyone I love is so happy and has a great life, other than this one friends of mine who is going through the same thing as me. We both seemed to have started getting suicidal thoughts for the same reasons. Our grandparents hate us (In my case grandparent) and they treat us like dog shit as if we're not human. We also started having these thoughts at the beginning of our fourth grade year (In which we were in the same class.) The only two things keeping me alive right now is that I'm a fucking pussy who can't act on her thoughts, and that I have things to research that I wish I had. A recent example was a study of skin cancer. I believe I have a disorder called Body Dysmorphia, meaning I see my body as a very disoriented version of it. People say I'm skinny but when I look in a mirror I see something different. I enjoy starving myself, which is one of the only types of self harm I do; The other type of self harm consists of picking at my skin with any objects that will pinch, basically I would use a crabs claw if I got that desperate to feel pain. Pain brings me joy for some reason. I'm not talented, I'm only skilled. I have nothing special to keep me going and I'm a financial burden on my already struggling mother. Sometimes I just think of killing myself but then I think about why my mom would think. All of her friends either forget about her, abandon her, or die.
I can't talk to my mom about anything, because she's not reliable with emotions. What I can rely on her to do is feed my want for my life to end quickly.

So thrilled my perioral dermatitis is finally gone!! I am pregnant so doxy was not an option.
Cause: I used steroid cream on my face for 5 months. Had no clue it would cause POD.
Solution: after much trial and error, below is the routine I have been using that finally made it go away. I’m sure time passing helped as well. From the day i stopped the steroid cream to the day it went away was about 9 weeks total of the dreaded rash. I definitely think it would have gone away sooner had I started the tower28 spray, sulfur mask, and distilled water initially. These two things seemed to make the biggest difference in combo with the avene ciclafate

1. Installed a filter on my shower head to prevent hard water from touching my face when hair washing, and use a spray bottle of distilled water when washing my face
2. De la Cruz Sulfur mask 2 times per day for 10-30 min
3. Wash face with distilled water only in AM and vanicream wash in PM
4. tower28 SOS spray on dry clean skin, wait for it to dry completely before next step
5. ivermectin cream (im pretty sure this was useless)
6. Avene ciclafate mixed with cerave baby lotion

I hope this helps someone! This sub was so helpful for me during this 9 week journey. Much more helpful than my derm who gave me ivermectin cream and said call her if it is still present after 3 months -__-

Hi. I (23f) have been dating my boyfriend (25m) for over 3 years and weve been living together for about 3 years because i was kicked from my parents. (Me and my parents still talk btw, we're in good terms now). He's always done coke occasionally when one specific friend comes over, which i dont mind but now im starting to. He only does it maybe once every couple of weeks. Hes always been kind of an asshole towards me but hes been showing some concerning signs. Recently he's started hitting himself in the thighs when he gets mad at his game (not when im around), and theres huge bruises when he does. Everytime we argue he completely ignores me even when im talking calmly.
Im not saying im completely innocent, but last night we just got done having sex, and i was already cleaned up when i asked him for some hershey kisses out of the kitchen. When he brough them he kinda tossed a handful at me and it startled me a bit and i yelled "wtf is wrong with you". I felt like actual shit and started apologizing but he kinda dumped the rest of the bag out aggressively onto the floor, or at least most of them (which i had to clean up later). I tried to calm things down before i went to bed but he didnt want to talk. He mentioned something about me being a lazy ass and not getting them myself but i sont remember the entire conversation.

 And a couple days ago at Arby's, he called me fucking annoying in front of my best friend because i wanted him to go to the counter first (i had the card and was gonna pay after everyone ordered). I shrugged it off because we were doing really good and i didnt want things to get rough between us again. And then he got mad that i forgot to order sauce even though he didnt order any. Last night, before we had sex, he tild me my clit wasnt very pretty at the moment. (It was actually just skin peeling off) but he made me out to be unhygienic. I also have epilepsy which makes me slow at times and sometimes i am a bit slow or sometimes ill be in the way and not know because im having focal seizures. I know im stupid, but i don't need to hear it from him of all people. 

Im just worried that maybe him doing coke even occasionally is starting to cause issues because hes usually not that mean in public even when he is a bit of an ass. But it was in front of my friend. I just want to know signs i should look out for before he starts actually getting physical.

So for starters I didn't put this razor anywhere near the spot of the fungal infection I'm just being massively paranoid because this infection ended up spreading to inside of me and causing even more problems. Although I will say the infection hasn't spread to anywhere else on my skin. I had it for 3 weeks before it got treated because I was just stupid and assumed that my legs were chafing because I had gained about 5 lb in my thighs had gotten bigger. 🙄
I really like this razor and they don't make it anymore and I would hate to just toss it even though that's what my brain is telling me to do. Is there for sure way I can disinfect this from any potential fungus?
Can I soak the top part of the razor and isopropyl alcohol or dump hydrogen peroxide over it or maybe just scrub it really hard with hot water and soap? Anything?
Like I said, my brain is telling me to just trash it but I love the razor so much and I won't be able to get a replacement of the exact same one, so I'd hate to throw it away.

Hi! I'm autistic with adhd, ptsd and severe anxiety
My son is 7 years old and autistic with adhd and I've run out of ressources and I'm on every waiting list imaginable. I was in an abusive relationship with his father. It took me nearly 7 years to get out of it, i have ptsd from this relationship, He ended up moving a few hours away- I was 25 when it ended and I went crazy- I couldn't be around my son as much. I always made sure he was with trusted family while i was trying to process everything, my brain was mush and all i had energy for was his appointments, crying in my bed, and driving to scream as loud as i can, I was so angry at myself and I couldn't forgive me. The last 3 years have been so challenging. After my 6 months long episode, I put all I could into being better. My son at that time was non verbal and nearly always in his little world constructing his cities and playing with trains. I spent so much time finding ressources as I had none. I ended up finding help, for 2 months. But with the help, the foundation was built and after 2 years of applying what I've learnt, being patient and kind, he now speaks, I've potty trained him entirely (that was long, its only been a few months), and I made him change schools for a specialized class, so he could get the appropriate help. (The school board where I was, didn't have the appropriate personel)
Im fighting for the custody full time as ive heard from his mother and sister that he has displayed some of his violent tendencies and continued to be psychologically abusif towards me. Cops even called me once because they found my son in his underwear in a local grocery store.
I know my son is angry that I'm not allowing him to see his dad, he's made it clear, and I know he misses his dad but I just want to ensure he's safe. I offer face time, and I've applied to supervised visits.
But the last two months he's become violent, at school and at home. He sometimes gets naked and pees on the floor. He smears his poop on the walls. He yells and he hits. He slams doors and throws. He's always been such a sweetheart and I can't handle these behaviors (especially the hitting as it triggers my ptsd, and I either scream for him to stop, cry, and once when I wasn't expecting it, he headbut me on my nose and I pushed him off of me out of reflex and It hurt him. I have so much guilt because of how poorly I'm handing this crucial part of his development. It's not going to go away if I can't even handle my own self.)
I've reached out to child protective services; I've reached out to every single person I could think of to just tell them I was failing and I need help and It always leads nowhere. I got one appointment this week, the therapist told me "well- you've made it this far haven't you? Just, keep trying." And removed me from a waiting list that was meant to help me get help regularly to handle my ptsd and trauma. I cried the whole way home. I feel like an absolute failure, i feel like he deserves better than me, and I don't know what else i can do.
I know that I need to wait for the other waiting lists to end up somewhere, I know I need to wait for the support and I need to keep fighting every step of the way but I'm so overwhelmed and just end up sleeping it off when he's at school, so I can try again to be a good mom when I go pick him up. I get so drained sometimes I just black out sitting at the kitchen table, while he's sleeping in his room. My Dr medicated me for depression- but we have to wait for everything else, and I don't know what I'm hoping for here... I feel alone, and I'm out of ideas. (I've tried to hide while he throws fits, he just tries to break the door until i get out, I tried just letting him continue his fit, I've tried distracting him; ive tried his comfort items/food, I've tried to make him call his dad, I've tried to calmly explain to him that I'm hurt, I'm bruised all over, all the time. After a fit, he comes up to me, hugs me and sometimes he just tears up. I know he hates it too.)
Is anyone able to give me some advice ?

Wanna keep this brief because I’m currently dizzy and just focusing on it any longer than I need to makes me feel worse.
I have random out of nowhere dizzy spells. Sometimes I wake up dizzy and only feel better if I am able to go back to sleep (which isn’t always an option so I feel terrible for a good while). Other times I stand up or sit up (not particularly fast) and about fall over from dizziness. And other times I can be out and about and suddenly find myself swaying (this one usually has the shortest duration, but still leaves me as equally shaken).
Admittedly I’m not the best at drinking enough water or electrolyte drinks, I see that dehydration is the most common cause of dizziness. Also, I have a lower than average blood pressure rate, around an average of 85/55.
I’ve seen doctors in the past that have said it’s anxiety, which very much is a chicken or the egg situation because this dizziness FILLS me with anxiety. I never know when it’s coming or if I’ll be alone with my toddler, unable to help him or might possibly drop him.
I’ve also been checked for bppv with no findings but since they couldn’t help me they just said maybe it’s labyrinthitis/vestibular neuritis and had me do physical therapy.
Lastly blood work comes back normal. No anemia or deficiencies.
Sometimes I go months with no dizzy spells and sometimes I get them multiple days in a row. I can never pinpoint what it is or when it will strike. I’m grateful that the duration is generally short, hardly ever more than several hours. Usually gets better after sleep or drinking something like Gatorade or water with LMNT. Sometimes the duration of the dizziness FEELS longer than it actually is because I’m so shaken up by it that I am left obsessing over what it was and I feel traumatized.
Anybody have the same symptoms? Anybody have a diagnosis? Any medical tests I should request? I’d love ANY AND ALL advice any of you would like to share. Like I’ve previously mentioned, I’ve seen doctors, but there’s never a true solution, or really even any particular advice. Everything is vague on their end, and because it’s short lived, it’s never really “caught in the act” at any appointments. Luckily I’m not having this everyday or even all that often but when I do I have a really hard time bouncing back mentally/emotionally. I’d appreciate anything at this point.
Ok back to sleep.

~RIGL Thesis – 5/18/2024~
Outstanding Shares 175M
131 Institutional Holders
111,129,461 Total Shares Held
63.36% Institutional Ownership
Total Cash on Hand 3/31/2024 = $49.6M
Total Debt: $101.5M
Cash Burn Approximate = $8M per quarter (6 quarters of cash without any increases in revenue)
Q12023 REV = $26M
Q22023 REV = $26.8M
Q32023 REV = $28.1M
Q42023 REV = $35.8M
Q12024 REV = $29.5M (Decline from Q4 likely from end of year versus new-year tracking of Rx and shipments of drugs, resetting of Copays)
Most Recent EPS -$0.05 per share
May 22, 2024 - Vote on S will take place, caution
~Statistics Applicable To Thesis~
333.3 million US Population (2022)
8,109,679,892 Global Population (2024)
~Drugs On Market~
~Tavalisse – Treatment for ITP, FDA Approved April 17, 2018~
~What is ITP?~
Immune thrombocytopenia (ITP) is an illness that can lead to bruising and bleeding. Low levels of the cells that help blood clot, also known as platelets, most often cause the bleeding.
Once known as idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura, ITP can cause purple bruises. It also can cause tiny reddish-purple dots on the skin that look like a rash.
Children can get ITP after a virus. They most often get better without treatment. In adults, the illness often lasts months or years. People with ITP who aren't bleeding and whose platelet count isn't too low might not need treatment. For worse symptoms, treatment might include medicines to raise platelet count or surgery to remove the spleen. Immune thrombocytopenia (ITP) - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic
~What is Tavalisse?~
TAVALISSE is a prescription medication used to treat adults with low platelet counts due to chronic immune thrombocytopenia (ITP) when a prior treatment for ITP has not worked well enough. It is not known if TAVALISSE is safe and effective in children.
The cost for Tavalisse oral tablet 100 mg is around $15,404 for a supply of 60 tablets, depending on the pharmacy you visit. Quoted prices are for cash-paying customers and are not valid with insurance plans. This price guide is based on using the Drugs.com discount card which is accepted at most U.S. pharmacies.
Tavalisse Prices, Coupons, Copay & Patient Assistance - Drugs.com
TAVALISSE IS AN ORAL MEDICATION TAKEN TWICE DAILY WITH OR WITHOUT FOOD¹
A 12-week evaluation period is recommended
60 tablets = 1 month supply, evaluation period = 3 months, Cost for 3 months = $46,212 Cash, assuming cheaper through wholesale, insurance, discount cards, etc.
Dosing TAVALISSE® (fostamatinib disodium hexahydrate) tablets (tavalissehcp.com)
~Addressable Market~
“Our findings suggest that nearly 20,000 children and adults are newly diagnosed with ITP each year in the US, substantially higher than previously reported. Among patients requiring formal medical care, the economic burden during the first 12 months following diagnosis is high, with estimated US expenditures totaling over $400 million.”
Primary immune thrombocytopenia in US clinical practice: incidence and healthcare burden in first 12 months following diagnosis - PubMed (nih.gov)
The estimated prevalence of ITP in the United States is 9.5 per 100,000 people, with a global prevalence of over 200,000 people at any given time [1].
Immune thrombocytopenia. [ Oct; 2022 ]. 2022. https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/immune-thrombocytopenia
~Author Calculations/Estimates~
ITP estimated cases based on measured statistics 31,635 cases a year in the US and 770,355 cases globally each year.
~Rezlidhia – R Acute Myeloid Leukemia, FDA Approved December, 22, 2022~
~What is Relapsed or Refractory Acute Myeloid Leukemia?~
Relapsed, or recurrent, acute myeloid leukemia (AML) means the leukemia has come back after treatment and remission.
Refractory AML means the leukemia did not respond to treatment. Complete remission has not been reached because the chemotherapy drugs did not kill enough leukemia cells.
Both relapsed and refractory AML need more treatment to reach complete remission.
Your healthcare team will suggest treatments based on your needs and work with you to develop a treatment plan. Some factors considered for your treatment include:
your age
your health
how long the leukemia was in remission
treatments you had before
where the leukemia comes back
Treatment options usually include chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant if possible. Targeted therapy may also be used.
Treatments for relapsed or refractory acute myeloid leukemia Canadian Cancer Society
~What is IDH1?~
Somatic mutations in isocitrate dehydrogenase (IDH) genes occur frequently in adult Acute myeloid leukemia (AML) and less commonly in pediatric AML… Enhanced genomic and epigenomic profiling of acute myeloid leukemia (AML) has led to identification of recurrent mutations that are prognostic and are candidates for targeted therapy. Somatic mutations in isocitrate dehydrogenase (IDH) genes, IDH1 and IDH2, occur in ∼6% to 16% and ∼8% to 19% of adult patients with AML, respectively.^1-5 In pediatric AML, IDH mutations are rare, occurring in <4% of patients.^6-11
Characteristics and prognostic impact of IDH mutations in AML: a COG, SWOG, and ECOG analysis Blood Advances American Society of Hematology (ashpublications.org)
~What is Rezlidhia?~
REZLIDHIA is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with acute myeloid leukemia (AML) with an isocitrate dehydrogenase-1 (IDH1) mutation when the disease has come back or has not improved after previous treatment(s).
Targeted Treatment REZLIDHIA® (olutasidenib) capsules
The cost for Rezlidhia oral capsule 150 mg is around $17,468 for a supply of 30 capsules, depending on the pharmacy you visit. Quoted prices are for cash-paying customers and are not valid with insurance plans. This price guide is based on using the Drugs.com discount card which is accepted at most U.S. pharmacies.
Rezlidhia Prices, Coupons, Copay & Patient Assistance - Drugs.com%20is%20a%20member,on%20the%20pharmacy%20you%20visit.)
~Addressable Market~
The annual incidence of new cases in both men and women is approximately 4.3 per 100,000 population, totaling over 20,000 cases per year in the United States alone.[13] The median age at the time of diagnosis is about 68, with a higher prevalence observed among non-Hispanic Whites. Furthermore, males exhibit a higher incidence compared to females, with a ratio of 5:3.
Acute Myeloid Leukemia - StatPearls - NCBI Bookshelf (nih.gov)
~Author Calculations/Estimates~
Cases of AML with IDH1 would be 11% based on the median of statistics above (6% to 16%) leaving approximately 1500 to 2000 cases a year in the US. Appling the same calculations to world population would amount to approximately 38,500 cases a year globally.
~Gavreto – Treats RET+ Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer In Adults and RET+ Thyroid Cancer in Kids and Adults, FDA Approved August 9, 2023~
For the sake of common ground, I am going to assume these types of cancers do not need to be elaborated on as we all likely have a basic understanding of what they are. The medical conditions treated by Tavalisse and Rezlidhia I felt needed a more in-depth explanation because they are not common. I will elaborate on RET+ a little later in this writing.
~What is Gavreto?~
GAVRETO is an oral once daily prescription medicine used to treat certain cancers caused by abnormal rearranged during transfection ~(RET+)~ genes in:
Adults with non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC) that has spread
Adults and children 12 years of age and older with advanced thyroid cancer or thyroid cancer that has spread who require a medicine by mouth or injection (systemic therapy) and who have received radioactive iodine and it did not work or is no longer working*
It is not known if GAVRETO is safe and effective when used to treat cancers caused by abnormal RET genes in children for the treatment of NSCLC or in children younger than 12 years of age for the treatment of thyroid cancer.
Home GAVRETO® (pralsetinib)
The cost for Gavreto oral capsule 100 mg is around $11,745 for a supply of 60 capsules, depending on the pharmacy you visit. Quoted prices are for cash-paying customers and are not valid with insurance plans. This price guide is based on using the Drugs.com discount card which is accepted at most U.S. pharmacies.
The recommended dosage for adults and children 12 and over is 400mg orally once daily. Each capsule is 100mg, which means you will take 4 capsules. Gavreto should be taken on an empty stomach, at least 1 hour before or 2 hours after a meal.
Gavreto Prices, Coupons, Copay & Patient Assistance - Drugs.com
~What is Rearranged During Transfection Positive (RET+)?~
RET-positive cancer is caused by a mutation or abnormal re-arrangement of the RET gene. It occurs most commonly in lung cancer and several types of inherited and sporadic thyroid cancers. RET alterations also occur in an estimated 1-2% of multiple other cancers, including ovarian, pancreatic, salivary, breast, and colorectal cancers.
RETpositive Empowering Patients and Driving Research
Rearranged during transfection (RET) rearrangements were first identified as oncogenic drivers in NSCLC in 2012. The proportion of patients with NSCLC who have RET rearrangements (ie, fusion-positive disease) is approximately 1%-2%.
RET Fusion-Positive Non-small Cell Lung Cancer: The Evolving Treatment Landscape The Oncologist Oxford Academic (oup.com)
RET alterations occur most commonly in lung cancer (non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC)) and the number of new cases diagnosed each year is considerable, accounting for approximately 37,500 [IG1] cases worldwide and 4,000 cases in the US (2% of NSCLC) (2,3). RET alterations are also common in several types of inherited and sporadic thyroid cancers and can occur in other types of cancers like ovarian, breast, pancreatic, and colorectal cancers, among others (4-8) adding >110,000 cases yearly worldwide (9).
What is RET Positive Lung Cancer? - The Happy Lungs Project
(2) Although medullary thyroid carcinoma represents 5-10% of all thyroid cancers, activating RET gene abnormalities occur in over 90% of hereditary and approximately 40%-60% of sporadic medullary thyroid carcinoma cases.
Patients – RETpositive%20Although%20medullary%20thyroid%20carcinoma,sporadic%20medullary%20thyroid%20carcinoma%20cases.)
~Prevalence of Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer~
Most lung cancer statistics include both small cell lung cancer (SCLC) and non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC). In general, about 10% to 15% of all lung cancers are SCLC, and about 80% to 85% are NSCLC.
Lung cancer (both small cell and non-small cell) is the second most common cancer in both men and women in the United States (not counting skin cancer). In men, prostate cancer is more common, while breast cancer is more common in women.
The American Cancer Society’s estimates for lung cancer in the US for 2024 are:
About 234,580 new cases of lung cancer (116,310 in men and 118,270 in women)
About 125,070 deaths from lung cancer (65,790 in men and 59,280 in women)
Lung Cancer Statistics How Common is Lung Cancer? American Cancer Society
Worldwide, an estimated 2,206,771 people were diagnosed with lung cancer in 2020. These statistics include both small cell lung cancer and NSCLC.
Lung Cancer - Non-Small Cell: Statistics Cancer.Net
~Author Calculations/Estimates~
Approximately 187,664 cases of NSCLC in the US based on an 80% factor.
Approximately 1,765,416 cases of NSCLC worldwide based on an 80% factor.
~Prevalence of Thyroid Cancer~
Rate of New Cases and Deaths per 100,000: The rate of new cases of thyroid cancer was 13.5 per 100,000 men and women per year. The death rate was 0.5 per 100,000 men and women per year. These rates are age-adjusted and based on 2017–2021 cases and 2018–2022 deaths.
Lifetime Risk of Developing Cancer: Approximately 1.2 percent of men and women will be diagnosed with thyroid cancer at some point during their lifetime, based on 2017–2019 data. Lifetime risk based on data through 2022 will available soon.
Prevalence of This Cancer: In 2021, there were an estimated 979,295 people living with thyroid cancer in the United States.
Thyroid Cancer — Cancer Stat Facts
About 44,020 new cases of thyroid cancer (12,500 in men and 31,520 in women)
About 2,170 deaths from thyroid cancer (990 in men and 1,180 in women)
Thyroid cancer is often diagnosed at a younger age than most other adult cancers. The average age when a person is diagnosed with thyroid cancer is 51.
This cancer is about 3 times more common in women than in men. It is about 40% to 50% less common in Black people than in any other racial or ethnic group.
Key Statistics for Thyroid Cancer American Cancer Society)
Addressable Market
Given Gavreto’s dual treatment capacity, the total amount of potential patients with NSCLC with RET+ indications would be approximately 2,800 cases in the US and approximately 26,500 cases worldwide each year using a factor of 1.5% of total NSCLC cases. The total amount of treatable cases for Thyroid Cancer would be approximately 650 in the US and 16,500 cases worldwide respectively each year applying the same 1.5% RET+ percentage rate. DOUBLE CHECK MATH…
~Rigel Pharmaceuticals Pipeline~
~IRAK/4 – Clinical Trials~
Rigel’s investigational candidate, R289, is an oral, potent and selective inhibitor of interleukin receptor-associated kinases 1 and 4 (IRAK1/4).
Toll like receptors (TLRs) and the interleukin 1 receptor family (IL-1Rs) play a critical role in the innate immune response and dysregulation of these pathways can lead to a variety of inflammatory conditions such as psoriasis, rheumatoid arthritis, and inflammatory bowel disease. Chronic stimulation of both receptor systems has also been implicated in causing a pro-inflammatory bone marrow environment leading to persistent cytopenias in lower-risk myelodysplastic syndrome (LR-MDS) patients1.
R835 is a selective dual inhibitor of IRAK1/4 that blocks TLR4 and IL-1R-dependent systemic cytokine release. In preclinical studies, R835 demonstrated activity in multiple animal models of inflammatory disease2,3 and showed that dual inhibition of IRAK1 and IRAK4 provided more complete suppression of inflammatory cytokines when compared to an IRAK4-selective inhibitor4.
Development of R289:
In a Phase 1 clinical trial, R835 was well tolerated and inhibited LPS-induced inflammatory cytokine production in healthy volunteers, demonstrating proof-of-mechanism.5 Phase 1 clinical studies of R289 (an oral prodrug that is rapidly converted to R835 in the gut) are also complete.
A Phase 1b open-label, multicenter trial of R289 in patients with relapsed/refractory lower-risk MDS is currently enrolling (NCT05308264). The primary endpoint for this trial is safety with key secondary endpoints including preliminary efficacy and evaluation of pharmacokinetic properties.
~Bemcentinib – Bergenbio Partnership~
In June 2011, Rigel entered into an exclusive, worldwide research, development and commercialization agreement with BerGenBio for its investigational AXL receptor tyrosine kinase (AXL) inhibitor, R428 (now referred to as bemcentinib).
Bemcentinib is a potent, selective and orally bioavailable AXL inhibitor and the furthest along in clinical trials. In preclinical studies, bemcentinib was shown to have an effect as a single agent therapeutic in the prevention and reversal of acquired resistance to standard of care cytotoxics and targeted therapies and may also slow or prevent tumor metastasis.
Rigel received an upfront payment and is eligible for milestone payments and potential sublicensing revenue, as well as tiered royalty payments on any future net sales of products emerging from the collaboration.
~R552 Systemic – Eli Lilly Partnership~
Rigel’s investigational candidates are oral, potent and selective inhibitors of receptor-interacting serine/threonine-protein kinase 1 (RIPK1).
RIPK1 is a critical signaling protein implicated in a broad range of key inflammatory cellular processes including necroptosis, a type of regulated cell death, and cytokine production. In necroptosis, cells rupture leading to the dispersion of cell contents, which can trigger an immune response and enhance inflammation. RIPK1 inhibition has therapeutic potential in treating autoimmune, inflammatory, and neurodegenerative disorders.
Rigel’s RIPK1 inhibitor program includes R552, a systemic molecule being developed for the treatment of autoimmune and inflammatory disorders, and brain penetrating RIPK1 inhibitors for central nervous system (CNS) diseases. In preclinical studies, R552 demonstrated prevention of joint and skin inflammation in a RIPK1-mediated murine model of inflammation and tissue damage.
Development of R552:
In Q2 2023, the initial Phase 2a trial (NCT05848258) in moderately to severely active rheumatoid arthritis (RA) was initiated by partner Eli Lilly.
Development CNS-penetrating RIPK1 inhibitors:
Currently in preclinical studies.
~Milademetan – Daiichi Sankyo Partnership~
Rigel has a long-standing collaboration with Daiichi-Sankyo for developing murine double minute 2 (MDM2) protein inhibitors in cancer, which were discovered in Rigel’s laboratories.
Preliminary safety and efficacy data from an early Phase 1 study of milademetan (formerly DS-3032), an oral selective MDM2 inhibitor, in hematological malignancies suggests that it may be a promising potential treatment for oncology indications.
Rigel received an upfront payment and is eligible for milestone payments, as well as tiered royalty payments on any future net sales of any products emerging from the collaboration.
~Rxxx (CNS Penetrant) – Eli Lilly Partnership~
Rigel’s investigational candidates are oral, potent and selective inhibitors of receptor-interacting serine/threonine-protein kinase 1 (RIPK1).
RIPK1 is a critical signaling protein implicated in a broad range of key inflammatory cellular processes including necroptosis, a type of regulated cell death, and cytokine production. In necroptosis, cells rupture leading to the dispersion of cell contents, which can trigger an immune response and enhance inflammation. RIPK1 inhibition has therapeutic potential in treating autoimmune, inflammatory, and neurodegenerative disorders.
Rigel’s RIPK1 inhibitor program includes R552, a systemic molecule being developed for the treatment of autoimmune and inflammatory disorders, and brain penetrating RIPK1 inhibitors for central nervous system (CNS) diseases. In preclinical studies, R552 demonstrated prevention of joint and skin inflammation in a RIPK1-mediated murine model of inflammation and tissue damage.
Development of R552:
In Q2 2023, the initial Phase 2a trial (NCT05848258) in moderately to severely active rheumatoid arthritis (RA) was initiated by partner Eli Lilly.
Development CNS-penetrating RIPK1 inhibitors:
Currently in preclinical studies. Pipeline :: Rigel Pharmaceuticals, Inc. (RIGL)
~Summary and Prediction~
The current share price of sub $1 does not feel justified. I would anticipate financial breakeven by the end of 2024 or potentially in Q1 or Q2 of 2025. The robust pipeline, progress, and expected revenue growth are enough to justify a much higher valuation. The debt load is manageable, but the potential for S is concerning. I believe that the S is not necessary and revenue growth and progress should speak for itself. I am not as bullish as the analysts at HC Wainright for a $15 PT, but the valuation should be at least 3x to 5x from the current value. This thesis does not highlight the patents surrounding their drugs either which some extend into 2035 and beyond. Perhaps what Wall Street is discounting is the fact that most of the drugs are very niche. However, the currently available drugs have an addressable market, albeit less universal than some, but you should value it in the sense of multiple facets (a 1000 headed snake is the phrase I wanted to use). I believe the company should be valued with specialty drugs in mind which would command a higher PE ratio. At the current day and time of writing, the value should be at least $1.50 to $1.75 ~at a minimum~ with a 12 month price target of $3 to $5+. I will be looking for continued revenue growth in each quarter this year and realization of revenue from Gavreto in Q2 or Q3 this year. The partnerships should not be discounted either and the current share price if it lingers here perhaps may attract a merger or acquisition. I initially began the research thinking that perhaps the drugs were too niche, but given the multiple drugs they are working with, I believe their revenue sources will continue to grow if you do not focus on one particular drug as the main performer. With the most recent inflation report being cooler than expected, I would suspect larger funds and institutions will be circling back to riskier assets.

Please be honest if I am a dick.
We have to leave peer reviews at work, and I was (emotionally) upset with this guy, so I ripped him a new one. They are not anonymous. Now I feel kinda guilty about it.
I got pissed because he caused a problem for customers and basically didn't put in much effort to fix it. He was was told to fix this problem the same day it was identified, and after not doing anything for 3 days despite me offering help several times, I picked it up and did the work for him because I felt it wouldn't get done otherwise and boss was getting pissed. I had to work at night until 1am to fix it because he kept ignoring people's messages (not just mine) and did idk what while at work.
I didn't write any negative language in the review. I basically wrote it as constructive criticism where I said he should let people know ahead of time if he thought he might not be able to meet a deadline so that others can help. I also said that it's important to know your strengths and weaknesses, and when to reach out for help. Finally, I stressed that everyone has weaknesses because we cannot be an expert in every category, so the weaknesses is not a problem per se.
Rated him as below average in collaboration and decision making areas.

Conversational Uglies in Cafe
Hi guys. I’m aware this poem requires a bit of (medical) context so you can scroll to the end for it or you can just experience it blind. ( 1 2 )
\\
My body is whimpering these begs to stay alive.
But I withhold the medicine in a a literal gut wrenching tease (side effects include: severe abdominal pain).
There’s no cure for this disease and several names for this cruelty.
I’ll shuffle through them like a deck of cards. Make your bets now. How many hospital visits this year? Just one if I do this right…
When the lights go off and nobody’s home,
the report will say the house was last observed hollow,
because my body was eating itself to stay alive and all these ugly musings died with me.
What can I say? My liver’s a champion.
I’m lucky. That’s what the doctor said.
Ha.
On my deathbed, the boisterous cadences of my hunger will have followed me.
Echoing from the flimsy walls of this wicked anatomy.
(A moment of silence to let the teenage-edginess pass, please. The flesh must mock itself to save itself).
What was it for? I.E this self-inflicted torture.
A body in pain is easier to inhabit, that’s how it’s always been for me.
Even the anxieties are worth the way my collarbones jut in this sexy way.
“Too much, too much, Body. Rein it in. Tone it down.”
There’s a strategy to this, you see. The best killers are only briefly suspect.
My skin is yellow. My skin is dry. I’ll go blind one day. Not today. Two warring concepts. Who I Am and Who I Thought I Was.
(“You’re lucky.”)
Oh, how the dress clings…
Insert cartoonish sound effects of medicine being injected.
The swelling is instant. Of my body, and of the orchestra as my life is finally fed. (THE DRESS CLINGS! IT MUSTN’T! IT MUSTN’T!).
My bloodstream’s biased. Can’t listen to it. My brain chemistry is feeling conflicted about the whole ordeal but it’ll come around.
Self-love is important and I’m afraid the insulin metabolizes it, too.
I won’t let myself swallow my reality.
But this tiramisu serves my goals perfectly, friend (It comes in biscuit-cream-coffee-chocolate-devastation layers).
I’m supermodel-level agonized, baby. That’s the suffering we all strive for.
I make an idol of the grief.
The months keep track of themselves loudly. (Doctor in ICU: you’re just waiting for an accident to happen. (Girl has no response)).
Anyhow, a corpse can’t feel regret so I’m not too worried.
Just pretend you understand my humor (like how I pretend I don’t understand this sacrifice).
This one’s on me if you promise never to ask how I am.
///
Context: Diabulimia is a complicated eating disorder where a diabetic will purposely withhold insulin to lose weight (as insulin is a hormone that helps sugar enter cells for energy and therefore cause weight gain). As insulin is withheld, the liver begins to breakdown fat and basically melt it into the bloodstream for energy. Weight is lost but the blood’s acidity rises as a consequence leading to DKA, fatal if not treated. If you or someone you know is exhibiting side effects of DKA or diabulimia, allow me to be cliche and advise you to seek help.

Been working with ChatGPT for several weeks now, mainly having it help clean up my code and look for more optimal ways to handle it (c++)
It’s normally really good when you throw errors at it and have it find what to correct.
However suddenly since yesterday it’s had a 100% failure rate. It will fix errors, but only by causing new errors, then it goes into an endless loop of fixing the current errors just to reintroduce the errors it just fixed.
Before it was pretty good at recognizing that it needs to fix the current errors without adding back in the old errors.
Dunno, is mine just having an off day? Or did something break you think in the back end?

In hindsight, I should have known something was wrong with The Caeles Academy of Acting.
Maybe the fact that it doesn't exist to the outside world.
This place prided itself on famous alumni it didn't actually name, and a once in a lifetime opportunity to work with the best in the business.
It's what I wanted.
More than anything.
After enduring four years of high school with barely a semblance of a drama club (we met every month, and our teacher was an alcoholic), and countless failed auditions, I was ready to take my acting career seriously. I had one year.
According to my parents, I had one year to make a living from my passion.
If it didn't work out, I would be on the first plane back to Connecticut.
It's not like they didn't trust me. I think they were just scared I wouldn't be able to financially support myself. So, I got a job right out of high school and slipped a year. Drama schools are expensive, and college’s are cut-throat on who they take on. I found Caeles Academy by accident–or, I guess it found me?
After researching cheap drama classes, auditions, academy’s, literally anything to progress my career, an ad popped up.
Not exactly flashy.
Just a date, a time, and a promise that they only take the best. I ignored it, but throughout the week, I started getting more ads. Just the words, “IMPRESS US - - JOIN CAELES ACADEMY NOW.”
Followed by, “BE WITH THE BEST, AND BE THE BEST. JOIN THE S CLASS NOW.”
When I googled the academy, nothing came up.
I gave up, clicking on the ad, which sent me straight to an application form.
I filled in my details as more of a joke. But I wasn't expecting to get an email back. Again, it was a time, a date, and that exact same tagline: “Impress us.”
However, Caeles Academy was different from what I imagined.
I was expecting a university building, or at least some modern structure.
Judging from their marketing and ads, I figured they could at least afford decent premises. Though I was mistaken. When I stepped out of the Uber, I found myself staring at what looked like an abandoned office tower, a red-brick monolith in the middle of nowhere.
Which was crazy, because I swore a girl wearing a bikini had strode through the doors, with nothing but her phone, and a coffee tucked under her elbow.
According to the text sent from the academy, the auditioning rooms were on the third floor.
Tipping my head back, the checkerboard of broken windows didn't exactly instil confidence.
Neither did the clunky set of automatic doors that took a while to open.
It was a summer's day, and the heat was already baking through my dress, sweat sticky on the back of my neck.
I wanted to make a good impression, but the heels were a little over the top.
Though I had also seen a girl casually walk in wearing a two piece bikini.
“Well?”
Freddie’s voice made me jump. I forgot I was on the phone to him. I was excited the whole car-ride, already high on five coffees, and now I was silent.
If I perceived the ‘academy’ from an objective standpoint, it definitely looked like the perfect place to be brutally murdered. But my own personal opinion was it was.. okay.
“What's it like?”
I pretended not to see a rat scuttling under an old candy wrapper.
“It's… fine.”
“Just fine?”
I could hear the smirk in my friend’s tone. He couldn't wait to tell me it was a scam, and had been reminding me all week I was essentially willingly selling myself to the black market. I was stubborn, so, fine sounded better than my initial first impression.
Which was to turn around, walk away, and completely block the place from my memory.
Unfortunately, at that moment, I valued my pride over my awareness.
“It's… okay.” I said, trying to find positives. I was staring at a looming grey building with shattered windows and a resident rat living near the door. I had a hard time figuring out how the girl from earlier had just casually strode inside, barefoot too. I glanced down at the ground, immediately regretting it.
Like there weren't bits of chewing gum and grime stuck to the concrete.
“Huh.” Freddie said, his tone creeping into teasing territory. “You're really selling it.”
“It just looks like a building,” I muttered, my gaze glued to the rat, who looked a little too comfortable.
Maybe it was a pet.
I was getting progressively more infuriated the more I stared down this place. Judging from the decades old writing ingrained into the door, it used to be a dentist surgery. “What do you want me to say?” I wasn't even trying to hide the scorn from my voice. “It's a building that looks like an academy.”
“Can you send a picture?” Freddie asked, “Ooh, wait, I'll face-time you.”
“That's, uh, that’s not really necessary–”
I was cut off, suddenly, when a guy threw himself through the automatic doors, palms first. He took two stumbled steps forwards, one back, and lifted his head, half lidded eyes finding the sky, before dropping to his knees and heaving up pinkish liquid.
I could see him trying to hold it in, slamming his hands over his mouth, only for it to splurge through his fingers, showering the ground in greyish pink froth.
Like he'd downed a bottle of Pepto Bismol.
Inching towards him, I realized it was Pepto Bismol.
The stink made my own stomach churn.
“Missy?”
I found my voice. “Uh, can I call you back later?”
Before my friend could answer, I ended the call, slipping my phone in my pocket.
The guy was still heaving, coughing up globules of pink.
“Are you okay?”
The sound of my heels click-clacking on concrete made me cringe. The guy noticed, flinching away. Closer, and I could see his scraggly blonde hair.
He was handsome.
Without the bile spewing down his chin.
Early twenties, wearing a fitted white shirt now covered in streaks of bright pink. Part of me wanted to make a half-hearted joke, but getting even closer, so close I could smell his pepto-breath, I noticed he was trembling, his hands clenched into fists.
When I attempted to awkwardly pat him on the shoulder, he twisted around, so fast my morning coffee slithered its way back up my throat.
His eyes were wide, almost feral, studying me like a wild animal.
I noticed the whites of his pupils were red, like he'd burst a blood vessel.
Theatre kids were intense, though I had never met THIS kind of intense.
“Are you… going in there?” The guy’s voice was a child-like whimper I wasn't expecting.
It looked like he was slowly regaining clarity, staring down at his filthy shirt, his hands stained bright pink.
I nodded, uncertainly, offering him my water. “Yeah. Did you audition?”
He shoved it away, slapping himself in the face. “I… I don't know.”
“You… don’t know?”
Suddenly, it was like something had contorted in his expression, a switch being pulled. I wasn't expecting him to twist around so fast. The guy slowly cocked his head, his lips breaking into a grin. His eyes, however, stayed the same.
“Of course I've auditioned.” He said, with a laugh.
“It was the best experience of my life!" His mouth formed an almost mocking frown.
“Unfortunately, I didn't make the cut. Which is a real shame. I'm sure Caeles would have benefited from my talents.”
What was weird, is that his mouth was moving, but he wasn't even looking at me, frenzied eyes caught in an oblivion I couldn't see.
When he did look at me, his expression crumpled all over again.
Pepto jumped to his feet, brushing himself down.
I couldn't take his over the top smile seriously, when his eyes were screaming, hollowed out caverns silently begging me to listen.
This guy was fucking crazy.
“Wait.” Pepto whispered, when I turned to walk away.
He pulled out his phone, tapping the screen before shoving it in my face.
I HAD SO MUCH FUN AT THE CAELES ACADEMY AUDITIONS :)
When I could only stare at him in confusion, Pepto’s gaze flicked to his phone, swiping bile from his lips.
His eyes went cartoon wide, like he couldn't believe what he himself was typing.
“That… that's not what I was trying to say!” He tried retyping it, but the guy was just writing strings of emoji hearts.
I didn't know what to say. I had dealt with rejection before, but I had never gone this far. Pepto was having a full on mental breakdown, his body shuddering, teeth chattering, blinking eyes and lips parting as if to speak, but choking on his words. When he started clawing out his hair, I took the opportunity to make a quick getaway.
Before I could make it to the doors, though, Pepto jumped in front of me, waving his phone directly in my face.
“Just…” he pointed at the screen. “It won't let me…” Growing frustrated with himself, he let out a wet sounding sob, clawing his fingers through his hair.
“Fuck, it won't let me…it won't let me type! It's not letting me type!”
By now, he had tufts of hair stuck between his fingernails. I don't know why his first reaction was to immediately try ripping his hair out.
A quick glance at my own phone reminded me of my own audition that was in five minutes.
Meanwhile, I was dealing with what I was pretty sure was delusion, denial, or a mixture of both.
I was considering pushing past him, when Pepto’s phone screen hit me in the face. Again.
This time, though, there was coherent writing.
“FIND LUKE.”
“Luke?” I said. “Who's that?”
“Luke!” The guy was bouncing on the heels of his feet. “He's my…” Pepto drifted off, his eyes going vacant, as if I could physically see his brain being plucked from his skull. Pepto dropped his phone, and I grabbed it before it could hit the ground. His hands went to his curls, clawing, scratching, until he was drawing blood across his forehead.
“I… I don't know! I can't… I can't remember. Luke. He was my… he was my… I don't know, I can't… I can't–”
I stumbled back when he let out a shriek, scratching at his face.
“Fuck!” He whimpered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!”
Pepto grabbed my shoulders, shaking me, his fingers digging into my skin.
“I don't know who he is.” He gritted out, pink froth pooling from his lips.
Pepto broke out into a sob. “I don't… I don't know who he is, but you can find him, right? You can… you can find…”
Again, he trailed off mid sentence, his hands going limp around my shoulders.
I managed to side step him, swallowing a cry.
“Yeah, I'll, um, I'll find him for you.”
Pepto backed away, suddenly, stumbling over himself.
His gaze found mine, vacant, like a baby deer.
“Find who?”
I didn't wait around to answer him, pushing through the doors and stepping inside.
The interior was unsurprisingly even worse than the exterior.
The elevator was broken, so I had to run up three flights of stairs.
I expected at least an attempt at an academy, even in the dregs of an old dentist surgery.
What I got, though, was a never ending staircase, obnoxious photos of teeth greeting me on every level.
The third floor was… less clinical.
I strode directly into a waiting room filled with college aged students, either sitting on plastic chairs, or standing around, rehearsing.
The room itself was cosy enough, a navy carpet and a TV playing a random Twitch stream.
Situated in the middle was a desk with a bored looking woman behind it.
Her smile was fake. I could understand her pain. She was stuck in a room with theatre kids all day.
“Sign here.” She prodded a sheet of paper.
I was convinced her voice was AI.
While I was scribbling my details, I took a moment to notice the stark difference from the kids entering the room, to the ones leaving. The kids entering wore wide, confident smiles and were social butterflies, chatting amongst themselves.
The kids leaving reminded me of pod people.
They left the room silent, in an orderly line with dazed smiles on their faces, like they weren't sure where they were.
I watched one guy walk directly into the wall instead of taking a left toward the exit, and a girl straight up just toppled down the stairs.
The kids waiting with me named them rejects.
I wasn't convinced until I glimpsed an empty bottle of Pepto Bismol sitting on the floor by the window.
Thinking back to Pepto, that made a lot of sense.
I was still dazedly staring at the bottle, when my name was called.
Jumping to my feet, I did my best to calm myself down, straightening my ponytail. Pepto had really screwed with my head. I could barely even remember the lines I had been rehearsing for a week straight.
I was muttering my lines to myself, when I stepped through the door.
The door that apparently turned you into a pod-person on the way out.
For a moment, I thought I was blinded by stage lights.
It was so bright.
The glow bathing me was clinical, stabbing into my eyes.
When I blinked, I found myself standing in front of three shadows sitting in front of me.
Their chairs were made of leather, far different from the plastic ones in the waiting room.
So, they did have filthy cash.
I was looking at one man, and two women.
They were… average?
I expected them to be more glitzier, but they were just regular people.
The man was in his late twenties, maybe early thirties, a stiff looking brunette wearing a suit and tie, one leg crossed over the other. His eyes were narrowed slightly, lips curved into the start of a smile. Like I amused him.
The women were polar opposites.
One of them was my Mom’s age, grey hair and floral clothing. She took a sip of water, her gaze burning into me.
Google told me not to be intimidated by their stares, but it was impossible.
These people were carving holes into my skull.
Sitting next to her, a younger girl who seemed to own the color red.
Her hair simmered, blood red, while she herself was sculpted in a dress, perfect cherry lips spread in a wide smile.
With a little too many teeth.
They studied my face like I was already theirs, drinking in every inch of me.
Freddie said I had to find a weakness in their expression and use it to my advantage.
If I could find the prick of a genuine smile, I could become their favorite.
“Hi!” I said. My caffeine intake was starting to take effect.
I didn't realize I was bouncing up and down until I caught myself.
Red’s smile stretched wider.
Maybe they liked my eagerness.
“My name is Misa.” I introduced myself, staying casual, keeping my arms by my sides. “I'm twenty one years old–”
I choked on my next words when Red spoke up. “Impress us, Misa,” Her voice was a smooth, almost seductive rasp, and I felt myself fall into it, enveloped in sugar that was too sweet, and yet I couldn't stop myself. She folded her arms across her chest, her gaze challenging me to do something different. To make her want me.
“Show us something we have never seen before.” She stood up, cat-like eyes narrowing, “Show us how desperate you are to join this prestigious class.”
I nodded, and began.
I had planned a whole monologue, practised it over and over again, forcing Freddie to judge me with a none biassed opinion.
I was three lines in, when Red started laughing.
“Stop.”
I did, my cheeks heating up, and she started clapping.
“Sweetie, oh, stop, you're adorable!” She said, her lips curving into a cruel smirk.
She leaned forward, like I was something that entertained her, jostling her heeled foot. “We don't take amateurs. I think you need to go back to school.”
This woman was definitely a psychopath.
Empty eyes sparkling with a gleam that definitely enjoyed humiliating candidates, and a twisted smile that was a little too wide. Red made me want to crawl into the ground.
She made me want to turn around, leave the room, and quit my dream. I was aware of my own fury, my embarrassment turning my cheeks crimson. I matched her.
Maybe that's what she wanted all along. To wear the color of her victims.
Taking a shaky step back, I started to nod, started to agree, my mouth choking with the words, “You're right. I'm sorry for wasting your time."
I had never received proper constructive criticism from a professional standpoint.
Which meant I really did suck.
But I didn't move. I didn't want to move, and Red continued laughing, her companions sitting in silence.
The man rolled his eyes with a loud, exaggerated sigh.
Like I was boring.
The older woman pulled out her phone.
“Misa, you are…cute.” Red said. “But you're not quite what we are looking for.”
I wasn't sure I could admit it right there, but she made me feel things.
Like I was ignited.
Like I was going to prove this crazy bitch wrong.
I found my voice, strong and confident, despite my hammering heart.
“Give me another chance.”
Red’s lips curled. “So cute, Misa. Oh, sugar bear, It would be better if you left the room. Unless you want to embarrass yourself further! In that case, be my guest!”
She turned her attention to her nails, nudging the guy.
“Dinner?” She hummed. “I'm thinking of Italian. You are quite the wine connoisseur, Nicholas. Why don't you introduce me to your favorite?”
“Hey.” I blurted.
They ignored me, getting a little too close.
I don't know why I continued, reading my lines, screaming them, so I would be heard. I read them perfectly, and tweaking the genre from drama to romance, and then to horror. I became three different characters, a high school girl struggling with cancer, a final girl, and a woman going through a divorce.
I was fucking perfect.
But they weren't listening to me, caught up in their own conversation.
I tried again.
And again.
And again.
By now, I was on my knees, my fingers ripping into my hair. I was seeing red.
“We want originality, Misa,” Red said, sucking her teeth.
Her voice crawling into my skull was enough.
She still wanted me.
The thought polluted the back of my mind, taking a strangling hold. She still wanted me. When I lifted my head, Red wasn't looking at me, her gaze on the table grains. “Show us something new.”
I got to my feet, panting, my breath in my throat.
I became a screaming, strangled mess, a woman who lost her baby.
Red’s interest was piqued. Only slightly. Through my fraying vision, she slowly turned in her chair. “Again.” She clapped her hands, “Come on, Misa! We want new! We want never been fucking done before! Are you deaf?”
I couldn't stop the sobs escaping my mouth.
They lost interest again, right in the middle of my reading.
“Why can't you look at me?” I found myself spluttering.
When the man pulled out a bottle of water, I pulled off my heel and lobbed it at his face.
“Look at me!”
He did. Slowly. His gaze found me, for perhaps the first time.
Not as an amateur, but as a potential candidate.
Around the twentieth attempt, I started to laugh. Never been done before? I could feel my fingernails already in my scalp, clawing chunks of my hair out.
Reality contorted, and I felt myself drop to my knees. I was still laughing, spluttering, sobbing. I could still hear her in my head. Never Been Done Before. I started slowly, dragging my fingernails down my face until I felt the harsh sting.
“Again.” Red said, and her voice led me to stare down at my hands, at pinkish flesh glued to my bones, fleshy mounds.
So easy to tear. I didn't even feel it.
Only the sudden, unbridled euphoria of biting into my own skin, locking in my jaw, and ripping into myself.
When I tore it from the bone, warmth filled my mouth, and I was choking, guzzling down my own flesh, mulling it in my mouth and swallowing.
I can't remember how I got so deep, and why I didn't stop.
Why I didn't fucking scream.
But it didn't matter.
Red was standing up. She was clapping, her lips spread into a grin.
Her applause filled me with stars.
So, I ripped my hair from my scalp, a hysterical giggle escaping my lips.
She loved me.
I could see her jumping up and down, clapping.
Louder, and louder.
Her applause controlled me, twisting and contorting me into hers.
I didn't even think. I wanted to impress her, and doing this was doing just that.
My fingers were delving into my right eye socket, clawing my eye out. It didn't even hurt. Not with her thundering applause that was deafening, beautiful, an orchestra in my ears.
When I was semi conscious, my eye was crushed in my hand, but my vision was still mine, almost too clear. I could see streaks of red blurred between my lashes. My hair was caught between my fingers. But I wanted to do more.
When I stumbled to my feet, Red’s smile was so beautiful.
The man, however, looked horrified.
“Someone bring in the one of the successes,” Red’s voice was a shrill giggle, “Bring him in!” she clapped her hands together, and I spat out a fleshy thing. “I want to see them together! I want to see the future in front of us!”
Footsteps coming towards me in slow, shuddery thumps. I looked up, and a shadow was dancing around me.
When I slowly rose to my feet, I half realized I’d bitten my toe off. The shadow had a face, a boy who was younger than me. I think he used to have hair, but half of it was gone, half of it was still stuck between his fists. When I found his eyes, I found twin caverns instead.
Eyes that were still physically there, and yet there was no life.
No spark.
I was staring at a dead body, a flesh puppet who had lost his strings.
When he grabbed my hands, pulling me into a waltz, I caught a smear of scarlet trickling down the back of his neck. When I followed it upwards, his head was covered, slick, dripping with red.
Like me, he matched her too.
And he was beautiful, she told me, her push, her thunderous applause, guiding me into a waltz.
His feet moved, perfecting every step, and my foggy mind couldn't understand why. He matched my every move, the two of us floating across the floor.
My feet knew the steps before my mind.
How could he dance? I thought, dizzily.
How could he dance, when smeared scarlet followed his twisting, and turning and pirouetting feet?
Because underneath that swimming clinical light, the back of the boy’s head had been carved away, a perfectly sculpted cavern where his brain should have been. I could see the severed stem, where it had cleanly plucked out.
His fingers cradled in mine were wet. Swimming in blood.
His own blood.
Spinning round and around, I imagined myself as a princess.
I saw an 18th century ballroom lit up around us. Glittering smiles and glasses of champagne, long, flowing ball gowns.
I blinked, and my head was tipped back, gliding in blood once again.
When he pulled me to his chest, I stumbled, and a name came to light.
Luke.
I had found him.
Our finishing spin left me hard to breathe.
My body was broken, ripped into, and yet somehow not.
By the time we were finished, the two of us bowing, my mind was full of fog.
Cotton candy.
“Congratulations!” Red’s smile was inhuman, stretching right off of her face.
“You're in the S class!”
I was led through a door that wasn't the one I entered from. Inside the room were a dozen or so students, kneeling on the floor. They were missing parts of themselves, like unfinished puzzle pieces.
I dropped onto my knees next to a girl without a head. I could only see her torso, but I knew she was smiling.
Looming over us, was the goddess Athena drenched in blood that was still wet.
Dripping, pooling from every crevice of her dress.
Looking closer, this statue was moving.
Something sickly crept into my mouth.
Her right eye was human, a twitching eyeball sandwiched inside the stone.
It didn't match her. It was wrong, horrifying, like a painting, a real human eye struggling to focus on us.
And then, my own gaze found the statues head, where a real human brain had been forced inside perfect white, pink, greyish mush dripping down the sculpted, slender neck.
I could see where it had been pushed, pulverised through the stone.
The statue’s singular eye found me.
Its dancing pupil jumped up and down.
Before it blinked.
Next to me, Luke was on his knees, as if in prayer.
I can't remember leaving the room.
I just remember running.
Back down the stairs, stumbling, staggering over myself.
I was screaming by the time I reached the doors.
They opened, as usual.
But I couldn't get through. I tried, but I was slamming into something I couldn't see.
Pepto was still waiting outside. The sky was dark.
When he saw me, he stumbled over, slamming his hands into the glass.
I couldn't even understand myself. I was just fucking screaming.
Pepto held up his phone.
“DID YOU FIND HIM?”
I shook my head.
“No.” I lied.
I can't tell him the truth. I don't even know what it is.
“I can't get out!”
Pepto nodded slowly, typing something and showing me his phone.
I'm getting you both out of there. I think I know how I can get inside.
It's been 3 days, and Pepto is yet to return.
I’ve tried multiple times to cry out for the H word. But it won't let me type it.
Please H me. I need to get out of this place.
Fuck. Get me OUT OF HERE.
Classes start tomorrow.