Third person POV:
It was a calm day in the Menumen empire. Lya was sitting on her throne and tending to the issues of her empire. Her seers had warned her of a possible slave rebellion that might take place in about a century. She obviously couldn't let something like that happen.
Lya turned her attention to her minister of human resources.
"Hear my decree, from this day onwards all slves shall-„
A guard burst into the room and fell to his knees in front of her.
"Yes?“
Lya inquired.
"Your majesty! There is a destroyer rampaging through the south eastern regions!“
"I see...I shall attend to this myself. Execute this guard, he has conducted himself improperly.“
Despite her words, a wide smile fell on the guards face.
"Thank you, your majesty! It is an honor!“
Lya rose from her throne and walked past the man, unimpressed by his devotion, paying him no further mind.
Meanwhile, in another part of the castle:
No sound was heard, as Delorem's many tentacles ripped apart the floor of the lower guards barrack's bathroom, the silence spell working as intended.
With a wave of their hand, Delorem dispelled the magic and rose from the hole, with Whisper following right behind him.
Mars POV:
I was in my cell.
“It’s been… how long has it been? I don’t remember…”
Im severely bruised and injured. My tail is limp, jagged, bent in multiple places, and dragging across the floor. There seems to be no magic coming out from me, around my neck is some sort of collar. I’m heavily bruised, malnourished, and frail looking. I look half dead.
Thirteen seconds…
7 seconds
5
4
3
2-
Before I could finish, the sounds of a guard walking past the cell could be heard, his loud but bored sounds of his patrol echoing out.
I whisper to myself
"I have 49 seconds.“
I attempt to crank up my perception, but halts just when it gets to the end of the hall. All this torture was starting to affect me. I gather the ambient fire mana into my fingertips, and make a small burning blade aura out of it. I begin cutting the bars…
30 seconds…
I make it through the first bar, two more to go.
25 seconds left…
I manage to saw through the other bars, and gathering whatever remains of the ambient mana, I cast a small illusion, covering up the bars and making it look like im sitting inside. I limp away, down the hall.
Damn stupid maze. 15 seconds…
”when I was first brought here, I attempted to remember the paths with my sense, but the pain made it quite hard to remember much of anything. Now I can’t see very far…”
I found a corner I know the guard won’t check. I’m out of breath. My body feeling weak and heavy.
Not… yet… I'm… almost… there…
I walk down the path I choose in the dungeon. Making turns wherever I saw fit. I didn’t seem to have a destination in mind. I was going in blind
I… … need… … to… … hold… … ou-
finally, at a four way intersection, I collapse to the ground of exhaustion. Alone. I’m far away from where the guards frequent.
I’ve fallen completely unconscious.
Third Person POV:
Thud
Yet another guard fell to the ground, his heart pierced by one of Delorem’s blade tipped tentacles.
Thud
The guard at the other end of the archway the two guards had been stationed at fell as well, his throat pierced by his own shadow at Whisper’s command.
Delorem waved their hand, dispelling yet another silence spell. They turned to Whisper.
„There are more guards stationed in this area then there used to be…I guess it makes sense she would have changed things at least once after 3000 years…"
"That is some very old intel Delorem. I am surprised the whole structure has not changed since then. I sense one around the corner and several above and below us.“
Whisper replied.
„My mother has a tendency to stagnate. She hasn’t even changed her- Do you feel that?“
"I feel many presences. Which one are you referring to?“
„Below us, the unconscious one. I think that’s Mars!“
"I will cover you if you want to head on in for retrieval.“
„Thank you. Take care of any guards that show up.“
For a moment, Delorem’s eyes were lit up by a dense array of golden runes, as silence fell over the area once more.
Delorem’s tentacles shot forwards, dairying into the ground as if it was made from styrofoam, throwing away pieces of debris as Delorem dug through the ground..
Then, a stone was flung too far, landing beyond the silence spell’s influence, the sound of its impact loudly echoing throughout the previously quiet halls of the castle.
„Shit.“
Delorem soundlessly mouthed.
"A patrol is coming to inspect. I will intercept.“
Whisper telepathically informed Delorem as she rushed off. Delorem simply replied with a feeling of approval as they continued to tear through the floor.
Soon screams rang out from the other side of the hall. None of the guards stood a chance.
Finally Delorem broke through the floor, allowing themself to fall into the newly made hole, Whisper following them seconds later.
Delorem landed on the floor, just a few meters in front of the unconscious Mars.
„That’s him! He must have made it out of his cell somehow.“
Whisper reached out telepathically: "Guards are down. What is happening on your end?“
„I found him. Let’s get out of this cursed place.“
Delorem rose from the floor and floated back up through the hole.
„Alright, we should have some time until-„
Suddenly, the sound of hundreds of trumpets could be heard, a fanfare to announce the arrival of someone of high status. The empress had returned.
„RUN!“
…
A few minutes later, Lyadria Menumen stood at the hole in the floor of her castle, the man who had brought her the news of her captives escape lying on the ground next to her, his head completely liquified.
Yet, on Lya’s face, there was not a hint of anger, only a sadistic smile.
/uw big thanks to everyone who took part!

So I do really risk sounding unappreciative here, but it’s so difficult to tell when you’re in the trenches.
I went back to work in January when my son was 6 months old, my mum comes to mine and my partners place 3 days a week to watch my son there, she also often makes dinners, does laundry, neatens the place up, and buys formula, as well as offering my little one lots of enriching activities outside of the house. I don’t ask her to do this, she’s just wants to help lighten our load and we are SO grateful. She will also help run a business with my dad from my place, and go into the business when she isn’t at my place.
My partners parents offered to watch my son one day a week, again, we were grateful, but unsure. They live 70 miles away and it can take up to 2.5 hours to get to them as they live near the coast and it’s a high traffic route. We asked if they were comfortable driving all the way in a day and staying at our for the day, they said they were and they were just happy to get a day with our son. I did also tell them that if they weren’t sure they could consistently do it, I would need to know so I could start getting on nursery waiting lists. They assured me it was all good. They are retired.
It was, until a couple of months ago when they moved the goal post. My partner told me they wanted us to bring our son up there on a Sunday to stay the night so they could watch him on the Monday at theirs, and they would drive him back Monday evening. When I asked him why, he said his dad doesn’t like getting up early on the Monday to come to us.
I HATED this idea, we both work full time, my partner sometimes 60 hours a week so we can recoup some money from my mat leave and now we have to lose another day just travelling to his parents house and home again, I feel like I’ve got split custody with my in laws. I hate losing my son for one of the two days I get to see him properly a week. I hate losing my entire Sunday with my little family. I am starting to resent his family so much.
I’ve spoken to my partner about it, he ultimately agrees that it’s BS and hates it, and has tried to get them to budge and cut the overnight stays to twice a month. Nope. It’s all the time or no childcare. We’re on nursery waiting lists, but I don’t know how long I’m going to be stuck in this situation. It’s the main source of contention between my partner and I.

I find myself getting worked up and angry because of what I see online… And people’s views on not only bariatric surgery, but anything related to weight loss intervention (Ozempic and such).
I think we all want to feel valid, so I understand not listening to what other people think, but what I do see still bothers me. I’m down 70 pounds now since the start of March and every aspect of my life has gotten better. I walk/run 3 miles everyday. I haven’t cheated and have stuck to the instruction of my bariatric team to the letter. I look fantastic and quite frankly… I’m proud of myself. No being humble about it.
However, Instagram and TikTok’s algorithm have been feeding me more health related content lately, and when I look in the comment section for inspiration or stories or anything related… especially on Instagram… it’s overwhelmingly negative. Why is being overweight a demon that people seem to have little to no sympathy for… when other addictions get a pass, we’re treated like trash? There’s legitimate people out there who think we should bully and shame people into being fit. There’s a mindset that if you don’t do it like some influencer who followed some fad trend diet like 75 hard… or if you’re not this Goggins guy… or if you aren’t some super athlete… then you aren’t valid?
People are just… nasty. If you did anything to take control of your life that isn’t ultra traditional, then according to people online in certain spaces, you’re a cheater, fraud, undisciplined, and a quitter. I want to be as proud of myself as I can be, but it’s just depressing to me to see those things. It makes me question everything I’ve been through my entire life when it came to my weight. Other people’s opinions shouldn’t matter to me, but how can I be open about my surgery if this is how people act as soon as they’re veiled by online anonymity? How can I trust anyone isn’t talking behind my back about how I’m a fraud… with how many people act like that online?
It’s just upsetting to me. I don’t know. How do you tone those overwhelmingly negative voices out? For now… I deleted TikTok and Instagram. I don’t need to see that stuff anymore.
TL;DR - People are toxic online when it comes to sleeve or any other weight loss intervention, and that negativity is getting to me.

I have a pretty good relationship with my mom. We butt heads sometimes but she’s usually pretty reasonable. I’m living with my parents right now because I have a chronic illness and I’m working on getting on my feet and then moving out. I have a mental illness. I’m super healthy and have a bunch of healthy habits. I’m not a toxic person like the stereotype, I just struggle and I make sure to help my parents out as much as I can while I’m here. Just two months ago I was hallucinating so I’m on new medication. It’s working really well and I’m doing good. I go to my bipolar support group, I have a therapist and psychiatrist, I take medication. I’m on my shit bc I have to be. I never take my issues out on my parents.
(I know there will be people who blame me or judge me for having a mental disability so if you are going to do that, please don’t)
My mom has been sober for 30 years. Before that she was a mess, she’s told me intense stories. She’s very much involved with AA. She’s pretty high up there, she does speaker meanings in front of hundreds of people, all her friends are sober, her brother is sober, and she still goes to meetings regularly. Honestly, I am so grateful and proud of her sobriety. I know AA has helped her. I am super proud of her. She helps people. I just think she might need actual therapy instead of just AA work.
The thing is, she thinks everyone is an alcoholic. She can be very harsh sometimes. Ever since I started drinking alcohol as an adult, she has judged me. I definitely don’t have a drinking or drug problem. I drink maybe 2-3 times a month, a couple of glasses of beer or wine that’s it. I don’t even drink liquor. I’m happy with just a couple beers. I haven’t been blacked out since I was a teenager and I can’t remember the last time I had a hangover.
The thing is (which isn’t my main issue there’s more to this story) she literally judges me so hard if I ever drink or she hears about me drinking. We can be at dinner with the family, I’ll order a glass of cab to go with my pasta, and she will give me dirty looks and make comments. I’ve been dealing with this for 10 years. The one time I was hungover a long time ago I was vomiting, and she gave me so much grief and was like “wow you drank so much you are sick” and won’t leave me alone. At family functions I’ll have a beer with my cousins and she just vibes me so hard. She treats me like I have a serious drinking problem when I clearly don’t. For 10 years she gets shitty with me if she sees me even have one beer.
Well two days ago I had a great beach day. The beach was empty, my dog and I walked for miles, we ran into an old friend. It was such a good day. I deal with depression a lot so I treasure my good days. I was so sad that my day got ruined because of her.
On the way home I got a tall coors light bc it sounded nice after my beach day. I came home, super happy, talking to my parents, making jokes. I made some food, cleaned up the kitchen, did dishes and went to go to my room. we were walking to our rooms at the same time. As I began to say goodnight to my mom, she turned around, stared at the beer and me and gave me a nasty look. The thing about my mom she often lies, if she says something fucked up and I point it out she will lie . She does these lies and it’s so obvious.
After she gave me that nasty look, I calmly said “I’m 30 years old, I’m allowed to have a beer, don’t judge me”. Then she lied and said I was looking at your glasses. Gaslighting me. I told her, no you weren’t. You gave me a look because I have a beer. She denied it and I said “liar”. She lost her shit. She started saying you’re calling me a liar!!!! And started yelling at me. I stood my ground and said you were lying and I don’t appreciate being treated like that, you gave me a look about my beer. Shehe even admitted it and said that yes I saw you had a tall beer (she said tall as if that means something) and she continued to lie and said I was looking at your glasses too. I retreated to my room bc I didn’t want to have a full blown argument. She followed me.
The thing about my mom, when she is super upset she comes super close to me aggressively, like what people do when they are about to fight.
She came into my room and was yelling at me, saying over and over you called me a liar. She got in my face aggressively. I told her many times to get out of my face. It’s like she was trying to get me to fight her. She kept getting closer and closer until I was up against the wall. I was being rational and saying it’s not okay to treat me like this and she kept mocking me. Over and over, while inches from my face when she had me cornered. She wouldn’t listen and move.
We have a power imbalance in our relationship bc while I recover and get stable, they help me with gas sometimes or things like ordering contacts, or I’ll use it to pick up things for her or stuff like paying when I took her cat to the vet. I pet sit and pay for my bills. She gave me a credit card to keep with me just in case. I barely ever use it, usually just for gas id she says it’s okay. I’ve expressed my gratitude many times that they are helping me, while also sharing how embarassed and ashamed I am to lean on my parents and live at home for now. This hasn’t been how it was forever, I lived alone for 9 years in Northern CA. I just needed time to get more stable and save money, and have a place to live while I go to my appointments.
So she was hysterical freaking out, mocking me and getting aggressive. She all of a sudden yelled give me thee credit card now!! I barely ever use it, I don’t give a fuck about the card, she brought it up to throw the money thing in my face even though she knows how humbling it is for me to rely on them.
I said I’m not giving it to you until you get out of my face. She then grabbed my phone and said fine will your not getting your phone tonight. I said I don’t care about the card and you don’t get to treat me like this. She then ran to her office to cancel the card online. I followed her to get my phone back and got my wallet. She was hysterical yelling at me at her computer, and mocking every single thing I said. She twisted my words around. She also then said “Wow what’s going on with you tonight?” Alluding that I was being mentally ill or unstable, which she knew I wasn’t she just threw the good ol “wow have you taken your meds” to do a low blow about my mental illness. That in itself is so hurtful bc they know how much I’ve struggled with this. I told her I’m not giving you the card until you give me my phone. She got up and cornered me again. She got so close to me aggressively and I just kept telling her to back up. She got me against a wall again. Then she hit me multiple times, and I softly but firmly put my knee up and pushed to get her off me. I threw the card at her desk. I was saying that the card has nothing to do with this, you just brought that up to make me feel bad, you are so toxic, I did nothing wrong. She continued mocking me. I left and went into the bathroom and she finally left. I cried a lot in the shower.
I just treated her to a great Mother’s Day. We had a great time. It made me so sad and so hurtful she treated me like this. It keeps replaying in my head and I can’t believe she got so physical with me and hit me. The mocking, gaslighting, lies. Alluding that I was having an episode… that one hurt a lot. She didn’t say it genuinely she said it as an insult. All over a coors light. Her behavior was so toxic. I am hurt. I can’t believe she hit me.
I want to forgive her but I can’t bring myself to. I really don’t want to talk to her at all. She apologized over text but never in person. I’ve been avoiding her. Tonight, I was in the living room and she turned off the lights , I said don’t turn off the lights I’m in here. She coldly said “I don’t care”.
I need to wait to move out til my meds are stabilized and I saved the money. I’m a good roommate, I help them a lot. I miss living alone.
How do I move on from this? Where do I go from here? What should I say to her?

I was driving in my car when I thought of the silent hill games and after 4 they went really down hill (pun intended) mostly picking ideals that could have worked but fail short due to execution and how they handle characters but enough of that you came the idea well I want to make a silent hill game were there are 4 characters you play as each with a unique style of play and character the first being Xìngcún zhě a Chinese grandma from world War 2 that was a survivor of the Japanese invasion lookingfor her grandson, an ex mexican carlet man name Joel that is looking for his daughter, a widowed wife named sana that came to buried her husband ashes in his home town of silent hill that turns out her husband was suffering from depression, Jericho a paranormal explorer that has seeked out silent hill foe the mystery and the last request of his best friend memory
Each character will start in different locations of silent hill to there own perspective troubles and each character will different monsters they deal with that is the manifestation of them pain and trauma but each will have a different way of dealing with enemy's Xìngcún zhě for examples for instance is really to old for combat bur she is clever she knows how to useful tricks and traps to take care of enemy and more stealth based, Joel is more obvious knifes and guns and aggressive style of fighting, Sana is also different she is also fighter however the ashes of her late husband can manifest into humanoid creature protecting her from monsters and helping her with situations that require alot of strength, Jericho has a way of combating the obstacles by using the equipment he brought to silent hill his EMF or sprit box can be use to frequency that can repel and anger enemies and a book of spells which he'll find in the beginning in the building to fight and navigate through the section of silent hill
Each character gets about 8 levels that can cross and interact with the other characters in the game and there going to be a choices in game on how to deal with some bosses and decisions that would eventually determine weather you get a good ending or not
I'm still working on the idea in my head for fun but that's all I got for now at least

So it's me again, back for another rant! Life is tough, and I don't have anyone I can talk to. I'm just so tired of the way things are!
Last night me and my bestie decided to have a few drinks and just unwind, it was actually a lot of fun. We had some drinks and sang along to some music, it was overall just great. Unfortunately if everything went good, it wouldn't be much of a rant would it. The night was going fine, I had 3 cans of Mike's Hard Black cherry (super yummy and definitely recommend it) and I had 2 glasses of rum & coke, so nothing all that crazy for me compared to how much I have drank in the past. Around 3am I got hit with some mild chest pain...
The chest pain turned into a really intense pressure through my chest that ended up radiating through my back, it was nothing like what I've felt before, I get stress chest pains and honestly this experience made them seem somehow diminished in comparison. As the pain got worse I noticed I was having trouble breathing, it got so bad that I started getting nervous. Within 20 minutes of the chest pains starting I got genuinely scared and asked my bestie to take me to the hospital, anyone who knows me knows that I will avoid it at all cost so she knew that it had to be serious enough. She went into panic mode and in spite of everything I managed to stay calm and take control of the situation. As we pulled into the hospital parking lot I started feeling an almost primal fear, the type of fear you get when you think you're truly about to die.
I got to the front desk and was immediately told to come in and take vitals, they couldn't get a BP despite having the cuff on my arm for about 10 minutes, she finally gave up and asked me the usual questions about pain and stuff. Weirdly enough my arms decided to shift between pain and numbness and I suddenly started slurring while trying to explain myself, that was when all "care" was off limits to me. Our hospital has a bad habit of sweeping people under the rug if they even remotely suspect alcohol use, but the thing is I was fine moments before going in... I was perfectly coherent and I actually felt completely sober thanks probably to adrenaline or fear. I was sent back to the waiting area and told to just wait my turn, and things went from bad to worse quickly.
I didn't know that I had passed out, my bestie filled in the blanks for me. Apparently while we sat there waiting I kept coughing roughly, my eyes rolled to the back of my head, and apparently I kept making weird movements with my tongue sticking out. She said the best way of describing it is "I was behaving like I'd been severely drugged and suddenly seemed to spiral quickly". When I came too I was still in the waiting room, freezing, in severe pain (I don't do well in cold environments and the hospital is always freezing), and feeling just beyond exhausted. When I asked her about if we were even checked on she confirmed my thoughts... we were left there, away from other patients, out of sight of anyone who could help if things got deadly.
After managing to stand up I looked at my bestie and said that I didn't want to be there anymore because no one cared about me, she agreed with me on the terms that if anything else happened we'd go back immediately. When I went back to triage to tell them I was leaving the nurse gave me a smug look and asked if I was feeling better or do I just want to leave, so I answered with "better isn't the word I'd use but dying at home seems like a better option". She ripped the IV plug out of my arm (which I frankly don't remember having one inserted), and told me to have a good day. I felt so angry! The experience triggered my PTSD from the last time I went to the hospital (long story short, I was kept isolated in a room soaking wet and freezing until the department I needed decided to take me in).
I could have died, and no one would've cared because they suspected I was drunk!!! What if no one came to check on me at all?! What if they only found out I died because my bestie couldn't wake me?! Would they have maybe cared than? Or would they have just said "oh well she drank"? It's infuriating to be treated like nothing just because there was a little bit of alcohol involved, like I said I wasn't drunk and actually felt sober! My condition deteriorated rapidly over the course of a 5 minute car ride. I spent the whole day just feeling rough!
After we left the hospital my body just doesn't feel right. My chest feels fuzzy/bubbly, I don't know how to better describe the feeling as well as feeling tight. My breathing still feels really labored like it's taking a lot of effort to just keep going, and small things are leaving me feeling winded. All day I couldn't shake this weird chronic fatigue, I'm just drained of all energy. And I've been noticing my arms go completely numb if I lean on them, which is super alarming. As long as nothing else happens in between I'm planning on following up with my doctor because at least she's taking me seriously, if something else does happen though were gonna take the 3+ hour drive to the next nearest hospital. The scary thing is, that weird primal fear still hasn't gone away and I'm nervous about that!

In the sea of people seeking connections with each other, it always starts out with beaming hope. Then it wanes down gradually. The light is barely a glimmer, but the craving for understanding never ceases. It’s funny that no matter what you tell yourself sometimes, the heart always wants more.
There is a lot of talk about being okay with being alone and finding comfort within ourselves. I agree that being comfortable with ourselves is essential, but being fundamentally social beings, the craving for companionship is real. I've always sought understanding on a mutual level and I'm someone who loves intimacy in all aspects of life. I miss being able to give that and frankly, even receive that. I'm quite passionate when it comes to relationships, and I crave a passion so intense that I'd melt into the core of my partner's soul. No words exist there, just two souls feeling connected beyond words.
A bit about myself. I enjoy deep conversations, I tend to drift off into thought a lot, I imagine daily scenarios before they even happen, or imagine how I could have responded better. All the words that could've, should've, would've been said. I make myself laugh and cry. To say the least, I’m an imaginative thinker who is sensitive to the smallest things. I appreciate it when people put in thought into their actions because I do the same. I love to connect on a deep emotional level. There is nervousness, hesitation and a huge wall, but it's beautiful when it's lowered, yeah? I love to listen more than talk.
I’ve lived very close to nature all my life and I’ve been very lucky because of it. I'm quite used to the peace that it has to offer. I think it shaped how I perceive the world around me, and even my temperament. It does get lonely sometimes, since I don’t get to meet people on a regular basis. I’m into photography, and I consider it a part of my identity. The pictures I take are an extension / reflection of my state of mind. Sometimes, even in a bad mood, if I shoot something beautiful, it transforms my perspective about my situation. I believe nature and art (along with music) has that ability.
I like learning new things, and I feel like that’s one thing that’s kept me going. I tend to be cautious about new developments and change in general. I take my time to accept something fully, but I still try to push forward.
What I'm seeking is, as the title says, a genuine connection. Someone who takes their time to get to know another person. I'm in this for the long run. However, that doesn't have to be a deal-breaker. I'm longing for it, and if you are too, there's no reason why we shouldn't give it a shot :)
I'm sorry if my post comes off a little vague.
Thank you for reading!

Not sure if I am cut out to be a med spouse.
We have been together dating now for almost 3 years. Me (30F) and him (27M). When we started dating he has always told me one of his goals was to get into med school. We didn’t know for sure if it was going to happen and this was his second time applying as the first round he tried, he didn’t get accepted into any schools. About a year and a half into dating, he got accepted into a med school within our state but 3 and a half hours away from home. We were living together when he got accepted and we talked about if I was moving with him or do LDR. I also have a now 9 yr old son so making the decision to uproot his life also was very hard for me. I also had my mom back at home to help me with my son and if I moved I would have no support system with my son. I did sit down and talked to my son to be sure he would understand to most of his ability if he would be okay with the possibility of moving and all the changes that came with it and to my surprise was very excited to maybe move to a new city. I also had my job, where I had work at for almost 7 years and leaving my job was also extremely hard for me as I was very happy at my job. I developed a lot of relationships with my customers that I had bonded and built trust with within those years in my field. I was very leaning towards trying to do LDR his first year of school and then move once he was more established at school. As the date got closer to making a final decision, I want to say he basically gave me a ultimatum of if we did long distance he didn’t think out relationship would work. He has never been in a long distance relationship before and neither had I but I was willing to put in the work and I reassured him that we could make it work but in his mind he didn’t think it would work because “he would constantly be worried about me”. I asked for a promise ring as I was uprooting my whole life and I just needed a reassurance for him to make this big move and he said no bc I just needed to trust his words. I was scared to put an end to our relationship so I decided to move with my son to support his dreams. I was very well aware that a lot of the responsibilities of supporting him would lean on me but prior moving he told me we would split rent 50/50 as he would be living off of his loans. He would help me when he could with house chores and with my son as needed.
I thrive off living life with a routine and communication of how our weeks will go. As soon as school started for him as much as I asked for his weekly class schedule there was always some excuse as to why “he forgot to send it to me”. I needed his schedule to plan accordingly as I was about to start a new job and needed to figure out how I was gonna make it work with my son’s school schedule also. We’ve had a lot issues right off the bat starting med school. He likes to go out and so every chance he to “celebrate” after an exam he would be out with classmates. I would stay home bc obviously I have my son and I also work the next day. I don’t mind him going out at all but its more about how he still barely made time to do anything with me like go out for a dinner date after an exam or just do something fun together. His immediate thought was to go out drinking with friends. Making me feel that he was putting these “new friends” before me.
But long story short because I think my rant is long enough. My bf is finishing his 1st year of med school. He has failed exams and had to retest a couple times and I have seen him fall into depressive episodes and just shut down. I try to be supportive and let him go thru it until he is ready to talk but I can’t say its has been easy for me when he is moody, grumpy and mean towards me a long the way. He gets mean with my son too when my son is being “too loud” for him. I clean I cook I do laundry basically do 90% of everything around the house. He will every couple of weeks maybe do something around the house. I guess most of the times I don’t feel appreciated. I cook after a 10hrs day of work and I don’t get a thank you and on the rare occasion “wow that was a good meal” and I only know he enjoys my food if he ask for seconds. I buy groceries and I would have to basically beg him to come out and help me bring them in to the point where I don’t ask anymore and he just bought me a wagon I guess so I don’t struggle too much carrying all the bags in. Ive expressed several times that I also work 10-11 hrs/day at work that I need a little help too and I don’t feel like I ask for a lot. He doesn’t know how to cook so I never ask him to cook. I clean the house every week. All I ask for is maybe dishes to get wash and just heavy lifting things that maybe I don’t have the strength for and trash to be taken out. I really try my best to make life easier for him while he is doing school but I also remind I am not his mom as he is also a mamas boy and his mom did everything for him even as an adult . He is very coddled by his parents.
I get home sick all the time. When we first moved, I went back home to visit once a month the first semester. Sometimes we were able to go all together but sometimes his schedule wouldn’t work with mine and I would have to go by myself and that was fine but I noticed when I would go by myself he would always find a reason to fight and make that time period that I was back at home miserable. For example my last visit back home was Spring break and I went on a girls trip to another state and back home to visit. At first he was fine when I left but when I was on vacation, he was being short with his texts and just by the way he was texting I knew something was wrong or he was mad. I asked him on my trip if he was mad I got to travel and he took it super personal and just stopped texting me. When I got back from my trip I was in my home town and he finally told me he was upset that I was on a trip on the same week his spring break was. Prior to all of this he knew my girls trips was planned months in advance. I had told him prior to me leaving he could drive back home and we could spend a few days together after my trip together and he refused and I think he was just trying to be difficult bc I didnt invite him on my trip, but WHY would I do that when it was specifically a trip for girls. So he told me I was extremely inconsiderate for going on that trip. So theres that..
We almost broke up after that but we tried to fix things. Fast forward to now I started having a gut feeling as something was off bc he barely wants intimacy anymore and I get it. We are both tired from our day to day. I never want anything anymore bc everything feels rushed and just to make him feel good and then he has to be done quick bc he has to go back to studying. One day recently I went thru his phone and found out he has been texting a girl through a fake number app. They don’t talk consistently but the intentions are there. Doesn’t seem like anything physical has happened but he definitely is trying constantly to meet up with her some day, he just hasn’t bc he has no time bc of school. I haven’t said anything out of consideration that he was going thru finals for end of year. I will admit I have been a little checked out mentally but this was just the icing on the cake bc I have been nothing but supportive to be cheated on. I think I am just numb to everything bc I can’t tell if I’m mad or sad or just relived that maybe this is my sign to go back home. Ive lost almost over 20 lbs since moving bc I dont barely eat just when Im home. My hair is starting to fall out more and I can’t tell if its stress. I guess from all of this I think you can kinda tell what I’m going thru. I have no friends here and its hard to hold this all in and have no one to talk to. My friends back home just tells me to come back already and that he doesn’t deserve me. I just didn’t really think this would be happening but I guess better now then later. I could go on and on about amongst other stuff but I’ll leave at this.
Thank you for reading my rant if you got this far. I know my writing is all over the place.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Wide-Area-6779
His mistress made him a better husband. I feel nauseous.
Ongoing
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: emotional infidelity, physical assault, verbal abuse, manipulation
Original Post Nov 22, 2023
This is a throwaway. I’m just nauseous and want to vent please let me do it here?
Everything changed about 3 years ago and my husband became my dream man. Before that, we suffered a lot in our marriage. After 2 hard pregnancies and PPD my libido was diminished and we fought all the time. After 4 years of dead bedroom we started therapy. I thought that was where the improvement came from.
My husband started paying attention to me. In the beginning I was panicking because whenever he paid me attention before he expected sex but now it felt like he was seeing me as a human being for the first time. He was attentive and caring. Emphatic. He touched and cuddled and kissed me out of the blue, without wanting sex in return. He started helping around the house, bringing me flowers, take out dinners when I work late, planning date nights. Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays are planned perfectly and I started getting the most beautiful and thoughtful gifts. When we fought, he would come the next day and admitted his wrongs and very accurately (if he was the one in the wrong) something he never did before. He would apologize too when back in the days him apologizing would be a blow to his ego. He said he was happy all the time and lucky to have us as his family. Everything was better and I even got my libido back if not as high as I hoped.
I found their conversation about 5 days ago and I have probably spent over 50 hours reading them. 3 years worth of conversation. He would tell her his woes and she would listen. 99 out of 100 times she sided with me. She taught him about intimacy and how important it is in marriages. The tragically funny part is that he never got angry or offended by her telling him off. Calling him silly, stubborn or at times man baby. Her honesty was brutal and yet he agreed with her. She was the one suggesting all the changes and he would ask her for advice about gifts, traveling and all the beautiful things he did for our family.
He thanks her all the time for helping him turn his miserable home life around, making it tolerable. With all these texts there were the texts between them that are about them like nobody else existed around them. The flirting, sextalk and pictures. The longing to see each other.
He says she is the love of his life every day and that he wishes their circumstances were different. She says the same. They both agree that divorce would ruin their families and that they couldn’t be that selfish. how admirable!
I feel nauseous. My happiness for the past three years was fake. I don’t know what to do. I want to hurt them. I want to expose them and I want to ruin whatever they think is perfect happiness
Hi!
I’m getting chat requests about my comments not being visible. Is this normal? I’m trying to answer you guys. Sorry
Hi again
Since I can’t comment and I can’t answer all the chats I will answer here
I am 35. My husband is 39 we have two children 9&7
She is 40 and she has one child 14. She is in a dead bedroom with her husband too and for 14 years.
The affair is physical too yes but they meet maybe once every month or every other month. She tells my husband that what they feel is probably limerence but that they don’t know it yet because they meet so little. She lives in another city
RELEVANT COMMENTS

So basically your cheating ex is trying to blame you for him cheating. The delusion of cheaters.
You only informed the mistress's husband that she couldn't keep her legs closed to a cold breeze.
He had a right to know. Onwards and upwards.
UpdateMe

OOP

He didn’t blame me for anything. He doesn’t care that he cheated. He was only angry that her husband hurt her and her child.
Maybe my post was this convoluted that everyone here is thinking he is trying to put the blame in me? He doesn’t care at all. He just thought that I should have confronted him instead because he was the one who cheated on me.
I told everyone around us what he done and he doesn’t even care

Update - My husband left me after I told his mistress’s husband about their affair. March 19, 2024
I was here some weeks ago, with my original post. I finally decided that I really should reach out to the husband of my husband’s mistress. I found him easily and I contacted him. He didn’t believe me at first and was rude about it and told me to go f myself. I hesitated to contact him again to be honest but after a few days I realized that I would too not believe a stranger just popping in my dms accusing my SO of cheating so I recorded my husband’s phone with my phone. Especially the messages where she’s sent explicit photos and stuff. I also went to the contact to show the number. He didn’t answer me the first day then he called me the c-word and blocked me. I thought well then, I have done my part and it’s on him if he believed me or not. Then after a week my husband came home angry and he yelled at me for exposing them. He asked me why I didn’t confront him instead, my problem was with him. I have never seen him yell like this then he packed a bag and left for about a week. I think he’s traveled to her.
When he got home he said that it was over. He said that he has been trying to make me happy for years and he’s done everything a good husband would do but still, nothing was good enough for me. I’ve made him miserable for years and instead of taking it out on him, I chose to hurt a woman and her child. He moved to his parents house and now he’s renting an apartment I have heard that he travels the weeks he doesn’t have the children to be with her and that she’s moving here soon when she gets full custody of her child.
I have not been feeling well at all. He has never spoken to me directly since he left and I haven’t seen him. He adamantly refuses to talk to me. Like I never existed in his life. I don’t know what I have done to deserve this treatment. I hate that they won.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
List-and-dumbfound

The last 3 years of your marriage were a lie. You know that now. Who he is the person he treated you before his affair partner had to convince him to be good to you. He is not a good person.
Do they even really know each other? Like how it is to be around each other on a daily basis. They are genuinely dumb to think the list will stay with 3 kids around plus handling chores and day to day things of life. They have 2 custody battles ahead of them and divorced on top of it.
If he’s angry with you the next time you have to see him, ask him why? He got what he wanted. He wanted to be with her and now he is. So why is he angry that you gave him what you wanted.
It’s probably shame that he’s painted to be a cheater. Not he can’t manipulate the narrative and paint you as the bad person.
If what they won is each other? Let them have each other. They are both awful people so they deserve each other

OOP

He is not angry about the divorce. He is angry I told the husband instead of him because the husband hurt her and her kid

DrNefariousMcFarious

He’s not angry bc of that, he always assumed that if you found out he could gaslight you into thinking that it was somehow your fault or not happening, but by you telling the other husband, there was no getting around it.

OOP

No he is angry about me putting his AP in danger.. he gives zero fucks about staying in our marriage or not. He only was with me to help raise the children and probably wait for her to get rid of her husband. I am not trying to he dramatic here but the soon I realize the truth the better is is for me to move on I think

I want full custody of my children after he went and beat up his mistress’s husband within an inch of his life and ended up in jail. Mar 22, 2024
This morning I got a call from my mother in law that my husband has been in jail for the past couple of days and only got out this morning but the charges weren’t dropped. Apparently his mistress and her husband had another altercation last weekend and she ended up hurt again.
Now I want full custody of my children. He is out but charges are not dropped so it will probably lead to some punishment. I don’t know if family court would count this in case I want full custody and supervised visits. My mother in law was hostile when I told her this and she’s one of the people who have supported me so I am expecting some push back. I don’t care.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
inquiryreport

You probably should not have let your MIL in on this idea. Her first reaction is going to be that it will threaten her ability to see the grand kids and her son’s ability to be a father. Even if you think she is on your team have to assume she isn’t.

OOP

Yeah it was a big mistake

NEW UPDATE

He celebrated Mother’s Day with his mistress and her son May 12, 2024
Thank you so much for staying in touch and I am so sorry that I cannot answer your dms. I haven’t been active on Reddit and I have received tens of dms every day since my posts. I have been trying to adjust to life as a single mother. It is hard and especially the weeks I don’t have my children. Unfortunately, I could not convince court to give me sole custody even with my husband’s pending legal issues due to him not having any priors. He however succeeded to limit my family’s access citing parental alienation. I am not allowed my children around my family without supervision (MIL). All of this actions are temporary however until we get a court date. He is refusing to meet or talk to me for any reason besides texting about the children.
He is not in jail (for those who are asking) he has no priors so he is out. He will probably not be getting any jail time either but rather parole. Anyway, his mistress has secretly recorded some of the abuse she was getting from her husband and she has sole custody of their child now. She has moved to our city and she and her child are living with my MIL. Yes, MIL and from what I have gathered, she lives with my husband on the days I have the children.
Today I was out with my children and my friend and her children to have mother’s day brunch. I was the happiest I been for months because I got a bouquet of flowers and chocolate that is signed from my children (worlds best mom) and I knew that it was from my husband. Anyway when we arrived to the restaurant, there he was with his mistress and her child. They were celebrating mother’s day too. Her son was sitting between them and she had gift papers and flowers all around her on the table. I froze and wanted to leave but he came and apologized and said that he didn’t mean for this. She was crying and hugging her son. I wanted to faint because my children were so excited to see him and wanted to go inside and eat brunch with their dad. He told our children that it was mommy’s day then he asked me if I wanted her to leave so the children can have lunch with both of us. I just left with the children and took them to McDonald’s instead. He sent me a long text saying how sorry he was and how he wished that he loved me as much as I deserved and that he wished me to find love soon. He doesn’t regret our marriage and hope I don’t either because we got our beautiful children out of it that we need to raise and to not punish them because of what he did. Please let us not let our resentment of each other to spill out on our children. Let us promise to keep them happy and loved. Let us not use them as pawns. I asked him what I lacked that she has. A question that have been living rent free inside my head He said to stop this. This is futile. I insisted and I called him and he answered for the first time in months. I told him I wanted to know. No matter how harsh the truth was I can’t live without knowing. He said Mothing. I lacked nothing and she is not better in any way. He just loves her and loves himself when he is with her. He feels real and genuine happiness with her that he never felt in his entire life. I hang up and he texted I am sorry. This is the truth you asked for. You are not less than. You lack nothing. Please let us give our children the good life they deserve. Don’t hurt them to hurt me
I don’t know what I have done in my previous life to deserve this. The way he was with her. He never looked at me that way not even when we first met. I don’t know how to stop thinking about them. It is in my brain all day. I want full custody of my children and I will fight for it as much as I can. She will never be their step mother. Her custody is not finalized either and hopefully she will have to move back to her city so her husband can have visitation rights and she is out of my life. If my husband wants to move to be with her. My children stay with me.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP told to be careful around the husband, and asked what his mother thinks

Well I am not stupid and he can record me all he wants because I was very calm and I genuinely agree that the children come first. Even her child tbh. But I know that she only had emergency custody of hers because of the assault but I know the rules here and she will probably need to move back soon because her husband has right to meet his son. In that case my husband can move away but he can’t have custody because I want a stable home for them. I don’t know why I am getting hate in my dms calling me vindictive.
I am very grateful to you and others who are mentioning that she is coaching him to say things. Of course! How stupid was I not to figure this out. From not talking to me for a second to being all nice and begging me to forgive him and to keep it amicable? Of course it is her. Even mother’s day flowers was probably from her.
MIL is very devastated about what happened and she visits me every day even when the children aren’t home. She said that she had to take her in until she gets her own place. No she is not allowed to meet the children and it is already decided and MIL is making sure this is not the case. I understand that MIL chooses her son but she hasn’t given up on me.
I have talked a lot with mom about what happened and no she doesn’t feel guilty. She said that it was different (of course it is🙄) hers was real love and dad’s ex was very abusive. I don’t know, I don’t believe in karma or anything but she said that she at least understands now how dad’s ex felt. I feel anger because some people win and some lose and I still love him very much. I regret exposing what happened. At least I could have had 4 more years together. And the children would have been a bit older. I regret so much things that I have done in a moment of grief and anger

OOP When told to be careful what she puts in text messages and once again be weary of the mistress

Thanks. I have been very careful about texting because as I am keeping all the evidence, I am counting on him doing that too. About his mistress, it is less “evil” than that because I was wrong about her recording the abuse. She stole the surveillance her husband had installed around their house to spy on her. MIL told me this today. She is probably hoping for full custody but I know the rules here and he will have right to see his son no matter so the c-word will have to move back sooner or later.
Only them I will be asking for full custody if my husband moves with her to her city because I don’t want a part time father to my children who shows up whenever he pleases. I want stability. He is either a father or not

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ImDyingRn123
Originally posted to AITAH
AITA for not having my boyfriend be a plus one at my best friends wedding
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: manipulation
Original Post: May 9, 2024
I (25f) have been seeing my now boyfriend (27m), who will call Joe, for about six months now. We made it official three months into dating so I like to say he’s only officially been my boyfriend for three months.
My best friend, who we’ll call Anne, is getting married next month. I’m one of her bridesmaids. It’s a small destination wedding, only about forty close friends and family. The bridal party is set to arrive about four days before the actual wedding to do bachelobachelorette stuff.
The issue came up yesterday morning when my boyfriend started asking what time my flight was for the wedding week. I didn’t think much of it and told him. He came back about ten minutes later and said he’d have to go on a different flight because he couldn’t find one on the same airline or at the same time.
I didn’t understand why he was looking at flights. I asked him if he was planning on going on a solo or guys trip while I was gone since I wouldn’t be around.
He looked confused and then said he was looking for flights for the wedding.
I then proceeded to tell him, trying to be as gentle as possible, that I wasn’t planning on a plus one and the guest list was already finalized. He has only ever met Anne over face time since she lives in a different state from us.
After telling him, he exploded at me. Honestly it was a total 180 from his usual behavior. He said it was insensitive of me to not ask for a plus one because we’d been together for so long now. That I was purposefully excluding him and trying to keep him a secret. He ranted and talked in a circle and I just sat there in shock. What snapped me out of the daze was when he insinuated that I would likely cheat with one of the groomsmen.
Thats when I got up, got my shit, and started walking out of his place. He freaked out even more and said we needed to talk about this and I couldn’t walk out on him. He tried to grab me twice but I shoved him off.
Since I last night, I haven’t spoken to him. he’s been blowing up my phone with calls and texts that I don’t reply to. Even put him on do not disturb because it was so annoying. I was pretty solid in believing I wasn’t TA but one of his best friends got my number and texted me I was being petty and a female dog about everything. That I lead Joe on for six months.
I haven’t talked to anyone about this since I wanted to cool down before I got a second opinion. But now that his friend is texting men, I feel like I handled it all poorly. I know I need space right now but I don’t want to ghost Joe, which his friend implied I’m now doing.
So I’ve come here to get some unbiased opinions. Fellow redditors, I asked you now if i am TA for not having my boyfriend be a plus one to my best friends wedding.
posting this is the other aita sub too
edit: to clarify. we don’t live together. i just spend the night at his place sometimes
edit 2: in our last conversation last night i texted him that i needed some space to breathe to which he then just kept calling and texting
edit 3 because people keep acting like joe is a secret: he has met my other friends. he hasn’t met anne in person because she lives in a different state. across the country to be exact. they’ve only met through face time. i’ve met his parents and friends. he hasn’t met mine because they moved back to mexico two years ago. he has met them over face time.
edit 4: his friend saying lead him on was “leading him to believe he was invited”
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
OOP to multiple comments on why she is not having her boyfriend as her plus one to the wedding

OOP: i accepted the wedding invite long before we met. this wedding invite didn’t just recently happen. + main reason for why i never asked for a plus one is because joe and i had only just started seeing each other when the wedding was being planned. a lot went into it because it’s a destination wedding in europe + i’m not meaning to dismiss it. i’m pointing out that’s why i’m not having a plus one unlike the other groomsmen and bridesmaids. they have been with their partners for years and personally know anne. joe has only ever met her over face time + also there’s a lot more then just buying a ticket. i said earlier that this wedding was planned months before we met. anne planned a lot of things for this wedding that are catered to the fact there’s a limited guest list. again. i would have been fine to explain all this but again. i never got a chance to + this wedding wasn’t a secret. he was even aware of it when we first started seeing each other because i’d just done dress shopping. again. this wedding was very planned out because it is indeed, very small and private in france. he’s also met anne and her fiance over face time, not in person because she’s in a different state. he’s met my other friends as well. he hasn’t met my parents because they live in a different country.

 
Update: May 11, 2024
The general consensus was that I wasn’t TA. Unfortunately the original post got taken down on the main aita sub but is still up on the other. Still posting the update on both though.
Some of y’all had some stuff to say about me saying I need help communicating because I shouldn’t have walked out. Have your opinions, but never let someone scream at you and just sit there and take it. Im realizing thats emotional abuse.
About why I never pushed to have a plus one. When the wedding planning was starting, Joe and I had not met. By the time we met and made things official, the wedding planning was finalized. I never hid the wedding from Joe or the fact it was very small. Someone said “most normal people” plan on bringing their s/o to a wedding. Maybe thats true. But never automatically assume that since your s/o is invited to something, you’ll be going too.
The wedding was heavily pre-planned because again, it’s a destination wedding. Anne is originally from France and primary reason why it’s a destination wedding.
I talked to Anne about this shortly after posting and she agreed that I’m not TA. She said if the roles were reversed, she’d never expect her so of less than a year be invited to an important event.
So, on Friday, I texted Joe asking to meet up Saturday morning to have a discussion about everything.
This morning he tried to get us to meet at my place, but instead, I got him to agree to meet at a local cafe. A lot of you brought up how he tried to grab me and that’s a big sign that he could get more physical in the future. I didn’t want anything to be left to chance.
He got there early and tried to hug me, which I didn’t allow. I got the ick at the thought of him hugging me.
We did a bit of small talk but got pretty much to the point once we sat down.
He did apologize for blowing up but in the same breath said I shouldn’t have left. I countered that he shouldn’t have tried to physically stop me from leaving, twice. He said what else was he supposed to do. That set the tone for the whole conversation.
He went on to say that me just walking away was a “clear indication that I didn’t respect him”. I then pointed out that he was not letting me explain why he wasn’t invited.
This is when we started talking in circles. I told him how the wedding was being planned long before we met. How by the time we mutually agreed to be exclusive, they had everything finalized, especially the guest list. He said I should’ve asked for Anne to change it anyway. I asked him if I ever gave him the impression he’d be attending. He was silent for a while and then admitted he just assumed that since he was now my boyfriend, I would have told Anne to invite me. I told him then wouldn’t I have said something if he was invited in the past three months?
I realized that we weren’t getting anywhere. I told him I wanted to break up. To paraphrase, I said something along the lines of.
“I understand you were hurt that I didn’t invite you. I am sorry that we didn’t have a clearer conversation. I do wish that we could have had a calmer conversation. However, I don’t feel safe in this relationship because of how you reacted. I don’t think this relationship is good for either of us if you feel betrayed and I feel unsafe.”
He didn’t take that well.
Joe’s response was if we broke up, I wasn’t getting my stuff back. I told him I didn’t care. Because honestly? If he wants to keep some of my underwear and used toothbrush, okay.
I then asked him to not have his friends text me too. He then went from pleading to have another chance to accusing me of never wanting him. I just stood up, told him I wished him the best, and left.
Ended up going for a two hour run when I got home because I still felt stressed. Blocked his number, his friends, blocked his instagram, deleted the pictures of us on my feed. Changed my Facebook status to single. Had a cry and have been watching Netflix since.
Something I learned from this your first fight with your partner tells you everything about them. Our first fight told me Joe was explosive. Maybe if he hadn’t blown up, we would still be together. Not gonna dwell on it though. I know it’s good I got out while you can because as a lot of you pointed out, the fact he kept trying to overpower me twice says a lot.
I’m honestly glad I broke it off. As some of you said, it took him six months to show his true colors. Can’t imagine if he did come and then a year later, I find out he’s like this and have to look at wedding photos with a guy who is fine blowing up.
I’m going to stay single for awhile now. I have a wedding to look forward to. My focus is on supporting Anne and making sure she has the best wedding ever. I may update when the wedding happens to let you guys know how it goes and if Joe tried anything else.
Thank you again to everyone for their opinions.
Relevant Comments
OOP on staying away from her ex-boyfriend

OOP: thank you ❤️ i do have a dog and a roommate so that’s some extra security already. the roommate and i talked before about getting a ring camera but this experience and other comments have solidified us getting one

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/JazzlikeOriginal358. They posted in AmItheAsshole
Trigger Warning: discussions of transphobia
Mood Spoiler: moving in a positive direction
Original Post: March 22, 2024
I'm having a bit of family drama and need a reality check about if I am being unreasonable here. I really need the perspective of LGBT+ sensitive individuals because the drama surrounds transphobia perpetrated by JK Rowling.
My step daughter is going through a pretty tough time. The last couple years have been really rough on her. She has been dealing with bullying at school, being held back a year, not getting along with her mom's new husband, self harm and identity issues. Lots of questioning of her sexuality and gender. (We have been working on getting her a good mental health team of doctors and therapists to help her navigate all of this, please know we aren't throwing her to the wolves or internet to deal with it all herself).
I've been in her life since she was 7. We've always had a pretty good, though not terribly close, relationship. I have not taken on a parental role, but have always tried to make myself available for her.
Until last year, her mom had primary custody and her dad had weekends with alternating holidays. Last year due to the issues with her school and mom's house, my stepdaughter requested that custody arrangements be changed.
Since she came to live with my husband and I full time, there has been quite a bit of friction between the two of us. One of the biggest points of contention is my Harry Potter fandom, particularly "The Bookcase", and my supposed transphobia (due to my apparently "wrong" stance when it comes to the politics regarding trans issues in our country)
I grew up in the hayday. So many of my childhood and teen memories are tied to the franchise. My friends and I were all really into it. We attend midnight book releases, dressed up in costume for movie releases, threw HP themed parties when we wanted to hang out, etc. In many ways it shaped the course of my entire life, those same friends and I joined our high school's botany club because herbology. That unlocked a lifelong passion of mine and my career is working with plants.
Over the years I've collected quite a bit of memorabilia, many of which are gifts, and they have always been displayed on my most prized possession. A monstrously large custom bookcase my grandfather, a former woodworker, built for me when I was a teenager. I love this thing. The shelves are live edge black walnut slabs. All around the casing my grandpa carved beautiful HP themed imagery. Owls, cauldrons, shooting stars, lightning bolts, an adorable little rat at the bottom and nibble marks from said rat, etc. It's both sentimental and valuable (the slabs of walnut for the shelves alone would be pushing a grand, let alone attempting to value the hand carved craftmanship). The bookcase has always been proudly displayed in my home. It currently lives in our living room.
During one of our family therapy sessions, my stepdaughter expressed that seeing my HP shelf made her feel really uncomfortable because of the author and that she was really disappointed in me and her father for being so supportive of a biggot. I apologized for making her feel uncomfortable in her own home, and said that I would take down the HP stuff.
So I packed up all the HP themed merch off the shelves. Made sure I didn't have the books or anything on display that said "Harry Potter" anywhere. I bought some LED grow lights and converted the bookcase into a plant shelf to display succulents. I bought some witchy, but not overtly harry potter, themed pots for the little guys so they'd go with the shelf.
This was not an acceptable compromise for my stepdaughter and has remained a point of contention. With my stepdaughter hurling that I/we (referring to my husband) broke a promise by saying we would get rid of the Harry Potter stuff. I tried to explain to my stepdaughter that, while I do not agree with JK Rowling's political stance at all, the media has a special place in my heart because of my childhood association with it and that the shelf was very important to me because it was a gift from my grandpa, but she maintains that none of that should matter because in 2024 it is nothing but a symbol of transphobia and hate.
At first my husband was supportive of me and my desire to keep my bookcase, but lately the arguments are wearing on him and he asked me if I would reconsider keeping it in the living room. Suggesting we rent a storage unit to house it in.
After the most recent blow up about it, I kinda lost my temper. I didn't yell or anything, but I did very firmly tell my stepdaughter that this is my home and my bookshelf stays. If it is such a big problem for her, she can always go back to live with her mother.
I knew it was a low blow pretty much as soon as I said it. I quickly apologized but it was out there. My stepdaughter has been on an emotional downward spiral.
My husband and I have been arguing almost nonstop. I think it is mostly stress because he is at his wits end with how to help his daughter but he is becoming pretty mean and nasty towards me. Telling me to "grow up and just get rid of the fucking bookcase"
I know I was a dick for saying my stepdaughter could always go back to live with her mom (and I suspect that will be the main topic at hand in our next family therapy session).
But am I really being unreasonable in wanting to keep my beloved bookcase?
EDIT: Thank you everyone. Honestly. Thank you for those who shared their insight and advice and thank you to the people who have asked me hard questions that made me think. Especially those who asked what matters more, a bookcase or a/my child?
I've been reflecting really hard on what my bookcase means to me an why it is so important. I'm hitting some deep truths I don't think I was ready to recognize about how I really feel about my relationship with my step daughter.
All in all I think we just need to shelf things until our next therapy session. (I'll see myself out...)
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Can you temporarily put it in storage until she’s off to college, then take it back out? That way it will be safe, and everyone can take a deep breath and calm down a little.

OOP: I looked into storage units when my husband suggested it, for the size and climate/humidity control we would need it would cost us approximately $7,500 to store my shelf until she goes to college.
It's cost prohibitive.

Commenter: Why can't you just move the bookcase into the primary bedroom?

OOP: It's 7' x 4' x 1', made of solid wood, and we have a L shaped stair case.
The only way it is going upstairs is if it is completely dismantled and rebuilt. I don't have the skills, knowledge or tools to do that and hiring out a task like that is cost prohibitive especially because it would have to be done again when moving the bookcase back out.

Commenter: NTA. You need to put that bookcase in a room with locks, because your husband is going sell it or damage it.

OOP: My husband isn't an emotionally unstable monster. I don't believe he would ever do anything like that to me. I wouldn't have married him if he was that kind of person.
(to another commenter): I have absolutely zero concern about my husband doing anything to it. He isn't that kind of person. He is incredibly stressed out about all of this and has said shitty things in anger but this isn't some tv show where he and my stepdaughter are going to have daddy and daughter bonding time with a sledge hammer.

Commenter: I think he was just frustrated and worried about his daughter. Hopefully you can talk it out with him and he will apologize for the "grow up" comment.

OOP: That is my impression in regards to him too.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to see your child suffering and not being able to fix that pain.
I've been doing my best to give him grace due to the circumstances.
It is something we will address when he has the spoons to do so.

Commenter: One question: who owns or rents the house you are living in? If it is yours you can suggest that your husband move out and get a place of his own to his daughter liking

OOP: My husband and I purchased it together. We are both on the mortgage.

Commenter: Then time to figure out who stays, who goes, and how the equity...if any...is split.

OOP: I don't intend to divorce my husband and throw away a decade plus long relationship because he said one shitty thing to me during a period of great stress for him.

Commenter: If he destroys the bookcase to show solidarity with his daughter, what will you do?

OOP: Have him pink slipped.
That is not the action of a reasonable adult. I would be very concerned for his mental state.

Commenter: I wonder if she made similar unreasonable demands in her mother’s home or at school that lead you to the conflict there?

OOP: Part of the issues with her homelife with her mother involved my step daughter demanding that her mother choose between her now husband and her because mom's husband's political views.
So, this isn't exactly left field behavior.

Commenter: Your stepdaughter needs a massive reality check and probably different therapists.

OOP: oof. We are on our 5th

More on therapy:

Yes. She meets with a psychiatrist as well as her therapists.
(to a different commenter) We are in family counseling already. Couple's counseling is likely to happen if there isn't a resolution to this current bookcase issue in the very near future.

Commenter: Info needed: what is your ‘wrong stance’ when it comes to trans issues?

OOP: I'm kinda middle of the road when it comes to the trans political issues, and mostly take the stance of "I don't know, I have my own feelings about the issues but as it is not my area of expertise I am not beholden to them and I will leave these big problems up to the people who have made learning about them their focus of study"
Like, I get my feathers ruffled when medically uneducated politicians try to interfere with any kind of health care. Like seriously ruffled.
I believe that people facing gender identity issues should have free and easy access to health care and therapy to navigate those issues.
I believe that society in general should strive to use preferred pronouns if only as a matter of politeness.
But when it comes to things like trans people in sports or having afab only "safe spaces" - I see both sides of the argument and refer back to my "I think this should be left up to the people who focus on this and not form a super strong opinion either way based on my lay opinion"

OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: May 12, 2024 (1.5 months later)
Some one asked if I could update this situation, and I'll try my best to summarize the past several weeks.
My husband and I spoke about the situation. He apologized for being snappish with me, and agreed that SD was being unreasonable about the bookcase. He ultimately agreed to back me about it. He and I are just as tight as we ever have been.
I once again apologized to my SD for the remark I said out of frustration about her moving back with her mom. I reiterated that our home is her home too and she is always welcome here. That even though families sometimes fight and disagree we ARE family.
But the general argument about HP, JK Rowling, and my bookcase continued to escalate for a couple weeks. And then the discontent about that started to bleed over into complaints about me. She started to be more disrespectful and sarcastic.
During all of this we were still attending our family therapy sessions. Our therapist was pretty certain that the misbehavior was anxiety related and didn't suggest that we give in to the demands to have the bookcase removed and wanted to just keep working on the things we all have been.
Well, SD's disrespectful attitude hit a climax. She called me the c word and some other choice things within my husband's ear shot. My husband honestly kinda lost it on her. I don't think I have EVER seen him that angry before. He was bright red and vein popping angry as he marched her to her room and declared "YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO MY WIFE IN SUCH A WAY".
This was probably the first time my SD had ever seen her dad angry, let alone anger directed at her. It left her pretty shook. Like that was her rock bottom. We ended up needing to do a couple emergency session with her counselor because there was concern about her relapsing with some self-destructive issues she has been working on.
But that incident lead to us having a break through. Her counselor invited my husband and I into one of her sessions, and she had a bit of a break down. Basically she was dealing with a lot of existential dread and a lot of fear due to politics and it being an election year.
That ended up being an excellent opening for us to bond. This is gonna sound silly but I was able to pull up my social media timelines back from 2016 and I showed her some of the things I had written or had shared with me back then.
She was able to see that I shared a lot of the same fears that she has.
So we have all had some really big talks about things like feeling helpless when things are out of your control, about disengaging from the media machine for your own mental health, etc.
Things have been on the upswing since then. Before she left for her mom's this past weekend she even gave me a mother's day gift. An adorable little planter that says Caution: Mandrakes.
I love it. I put one of my favorite props in it and it is front and center on the bookcase now.
Relevant Comments:
To a downvoted commenter:

your continued support of JK Rowling through fandom will likely be an issue for other LGBT people in your life

The only other LGBT person in my life sent me bertie botts every flavor beans in my christmas package this past year...
Commenter: This poor girl is terrified of being kicked out from another set of abusive parents and is forcing herself to buy merchandise to support someone who wants her dead to make her stepparent happy. This update is horrifying, for real.

OOP: Hope you stretched before this reach.
SD was not kicked out of her mom's home. That was a choice she made. She is in no danger of being kicked out of our home either.

First / Previous
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Suzanne thought it was absolutely brilliant of me to put books on a flash drive for Sun. She explained that Sun wasn’t as sophant (her word, not mine) as she might seem, more of a repository of information, but she was fairly intelligent. It was how she was able to connect Andrew being in pain to the fact that I was friends with Andrew, and that I would want to know that he was in trouble. Apparently some of Sun’s species had given some ‘wisdom’ to others in the past and it had made its way into mythology.
The key fact was that she was not smart enough to protect herself and her kind from the clever, organized poachers. With that information in mind, it was fascinating for me to think of how Sun took in and organized what she learned. It was almost as if she was a walking, talking library.
On the topic of tours, my first one went wonderfully, and I’m almost hoping Suzanne lets me do more of them. I know not all the tourists are going to be as awesome as these people were, but Suzanne gave me a lot of slack when it comes to dealing with them. She actually said that being a smartass is not grounds for dismissal, and that if I’m sarcastic or facetious to guests who are being ‘daft’ and they complain, she really doesn’t care. Is this the perfect job for me or what?
There were four guests in this party, two adults who were sisters and two children of one of the women, brothers aged thirteen and seventeen. The tour was a birthday gift for the older of the boys from his aunt, since apparently he was passionate about animal protection and conservation.
When they arrived at the front gate, I was sitting at Andrew’s desk, going over the booklet of information one last time. When the visitors pressed the button that sounded the alert buzzer, I tucked away in a drawer and let them in. I did have a cheat sheet with information about the animals on my phone just in case, a brief notation of each of them and which enclosure they were in, but I really didn’t need to use it.
Exiting through the front door, I saw them walk up the path toward me. “Hi, I’m Ripley,” I said, holding out a hand toward the woman closest to me.
She shook it firmly. “I’m Denise. This is my sister Carla and my nephews, Wesley and Jason,” she said, motioning to each of them in turn.
“I heard it’s your birthday,” I said to Wesley, giving him a smile. “You’re interested in animal conversation?”
“Back where we live, yeah,” he said, nodding. “The animals that you’ve got here are incredible. I can’t wait to see them.”
“Well, I can’t wait to show them to you,” I said. “Right this way.”
I led them on the path around the building, toward enclosure one. Despite the horrific memories of the animal killing Stanley’s friends, I knew it was just an animal, and I had to push past my feelings on what had happened. Keeping a small smile on my face, I motioned to the enclosure. “Fiercely territorial and amazing hunters, despite their large size, they’re arboreal and known to dart from tree to tree with barely a sound. This is one of only about two thousand left in existence.”
“Two thousand, three hundred and fifty six at last count,” spoke Wesley, his eyes on the trees.
I blinked, surprised and impressed. “Well that was fantastic. Do you plan on stealing my job when you graduate?”
Wesley looked at me with a grin. “Nah, everyone knows Suzanne only offers humans this gig. And I want to help animals like this one get off the endangered species list. The zoos are great for awareness and fundraising, but then the money has to go somewhere. I want to be doing the real work.”
“That’s really great,” I told him. “I wish you all the best in that career path.” At that, we saw the animal climb down from the tree, wandering a few yards from the tree line. This was because 90% of the time, when humans were at their enclosure and making noise, whether it was speaking to each other or calling out to the animal, it was someone bringing them prey to eat. Or, in my case, enrichment toys to play with.
“Whoa,” Wesley whispered.
“How close can we get?” spoke up Jason.
“The warding starts at the fence,” I told him with a small gesture. “So, just there.”
Both boys wandered closer and I glanced at their parents. It seemed that Suzanne’s zoo had a serious reputation for high quality invisible walls, because they didn’t look worried in the slightest about the boys being hurt or killed.
“They prefer dense forest as their home and have been known to make their nests in trees up to twenty meter in the air,” I continued. “And when hunting, they’ve been seen dropping eight meters straight down. They have incredibly dense yet flexible musculature, which allows them to tackle their prey without injuring themselves.”
There was more information about the animal that I continued to rattle off, though Wesley chimed in at certain points with the info I was about to convey. That was highly entertaining and very cool. When I’d been in school, I’d never met anyone who had my level of passion about endangered animals. I wondered if things were better where these folks came from, but realized that considering there were so few of these animals left, I guessed not.
The animal paced a little bit, seemingly waiting to see if we were the kind of humans that came bearing food, before deciding we weren’t and climbing back up into the trees as easily as I would climb some stairs.
As we moved onto enclosure two, Jason spoke up. “Are there any animals here we can touch or feed or something?”
I sighed inwardly before slowing to a stop. “Well, can you show me your hands?” Jason looked bemused, holding out his hands. “I mean…they both look like they’re in great shape. You can stand to lose one.”
The two women chuckled and Wesley smirked as Jason shoved his hands into his pockets. “Very funny.”
Grinning, I started walking again. “The animals here are all carnivores and all predators. You get to see them, but that’s it.”
“Alright.”
When we reached enclosure two, I started on my next spiel. “We’ve got three reanimated dead in this enclosure,” I spoke. They were just coming out from the trees as we arrived, presumably having heard our approach. “Marissa, Connor, and Bradley. They were donated by families who knew where they would be exhibited. Their next of kin, whoever they are, can’t stand the idea of putting them down. But we need to make sure they don’t have access to corpses, because one of them plus one corpse equals two of them.”
“They eat flesh though, don’t they?” Wesley asked.
I nodded. “Oh, yeah, but it’s from bodies that have already been dismembered. There’s no chance of them being affected by the transformation because it’s all parts.”
“Oh, got it.”
The creatures with blueish-white skin had superhuman strength, which is why they qualified for the security of Suzanne’s zoo. They also were likely the source of any Earth tales of people being brought back to life as zombies, specifically draugr, according to my research. They smelled like rotting flesh, so even as I kept talking about them and giving a background to the people they used to be, we were quick to move on once Wesley had gotten a good, long look at them.
“Enclosure four’s animal is a vampiric spirit. He’s a small, hairy humanoid creature with pointed ears. He wears a hat, and if he somehow loses it, he freaks out,” I said.
“They eat horses,” Wesley noted. “Also anything that gives them the chance to sit on it, usually catching them by surprise while they’re sleeping.”
The creature came out from the brush, giving us a suspicious look. He wasn’t in his humanoid form though; for some reason, he’d chosen to shapeshift to a dog.
I nodded. “Yep, indeed. Once the prey is dead, then he’ll eat it, and he has a voracious appetite. We have two wolves and two bears in the forest, which is one of the reasons I’ve got some self-defense items,” I said, patting my belt where my pepper spray (rated for bear) and my taser. “But the wards keep them out of this area of the zoo, so it’s really not much of a worry. It’s also a known shapeshifter, preferring the form of a dog, as you can see, as well as a cat, a snake, or even white butterflies, though the last one is rare.”
“The white butterflies are supposed to be a sign of good luck,” Wesley said, glancing to me. “Too bad we got the dog.”
“Yeah, otherwise you might be able to talk your mom into getting scratch-offs on your way home, huh?”
Wesley smirked at me.
The next enclosure was Spike, and he was waiting for us, dripping wet from having just emerged from the lake. I gave the introductory information about him, which included his propensity for eating animal eyes, nails, and teeth. “Recently, I’ve given him some enrichment activities, and I learned he likes artichokes, pecans, and hazelnuts,” I said, taking a bag out from my cargo shorts. “Wesley, do you want to toss this bag into the enclosure?”
The boy’s eyes widened and he nodded excitedly. He took a look into the paper bag before wrapping down the top to make sure nothing would fly out. Then he chucked it underhand past the fence. It landed a few yards from Spike, who waddled over to it quickly and tearing the bag open, spilling out the prizes inside. As the animal ate the pecans and hazelnuts, Wesley asked, “How’d you figure out he likes those?”
“It’s not all about taste,” I told him. “It’s mainly the difficulty of getting them out of the shells. He’s used to having to work for the parts of his prey he likes the most, so this mimics that activity, and he enjoys the process. I tried a bunch of different foods to find a few he liked.”
“Cool,” Wesley murmured, staring at him.
We watched Spike eat until he’d finished and then he went back into the woods, leaving us to move onto enclosure five. Japanese camellia were plentiful here, a type of pink flower, and that was because they grew anywhere near one of his species made their den. “This girl spends most of her time in the lake also,” I said, as the creature made its way toward the fence separating us from it. “But as you can see, she’s just as curious as the rest about what we’re doing here and whether we have food for her. She eats fish mostly, but she also regularly gets live prey.”
This creature was a spider-like monster, having six legs with long claws on each, and the head of an ox with two sharp horns. She was capable of shapeshifting to look like a human, but I guessed that she wasn’t fond of it, since I hadn’t yet seen her in that form.
“She prefers the easy way of catching prey, so to speak, by hiding in the lake and pouncing when something comes for a drink of water,” I explained. “Apparently humans are some of her favorite prey. She has an advantage of being able to spit poison, which often hits her prey in the eyes. But it’s usually used in defense rather than offense, since it secretes a limited amount.”
“What kind of animal would even go after something like this?” Jason asked, staring at her.
“Never discount one of its own species when you’re thinking about what might attack an animal,” I replied. “There are places that are breeding all of the animals here, but competition for mates is common. That means an advantage in a fight, like poison or venom, can make or break who the winner is.”
“Ah, gotcha.”
“It can’t spit past the warding, right?” Carla suddenly asked.
“Oh, no,” I assured her. “We’re fine. The wards wouldn’t let anything cross over.” She nodded, appeased.
The animal in enclosure six was the ginormous seal-hippo, Fiona, and she was looking at us as if she was imagining sprinkling us with herbs and spices and stuffing us in an oven. “This girl is one animal I’m going to work on enrichment activities for next,” I told them. “She prefers to feed on crayfish, though she’s happy to eat any humans that wander into her territory. She’ll even make a sound like a baby crying to reel us in. I’ve heard it a bunch of times.”
“Can you get her to make the sound?” Jason asked, perking up.
I grinned. “Not on command, sorry.”
“What enrichment are you thinking of trying?” Wesley asked.
“Possibly food placed in puzzle feeders,” I told him, “since she has claws that are pretty dexterous. Maybe a piñata made out of newspaper with flour inside, or a scarecrow that mimics a human.”
“Awesome,” he muttered.
After a little more educational tidbits, we moved onto Yui’s enclosure. “What is that?” Wesley asked, smiling.
“I got Yui the closest thing I could to a ping-pong ball,” I replied. “She quite likes it.”
“That’s so funny,” he said as she came out of the trees in her spider form. “I mean, the idea of her being a bloodthirsty hunter who seduces men to their deaths and eats them alive, but then on the other hand, she likes playing with something like this.”
“It is a little funny,” I agreed. “But when it comes down to it, all the animals here enjoy activities besides hunting.”
“She can shapeshift to look human, right?” asked Jason, trying to be casual about knowing something factual like his nerdy brother.
I nodded. “She looks like a woman from a region of Earth called Japan. And she’ll use strategies like holding out a hand to shake to get you closer. She tried that on me when I first got here but, as you can see,” I said, holding up my hands and waving them, “I didn’t fall for it.”
The boys both laughed as they got closer to the fence, watching her slowly pace near the trees.
Next was Sun, but she didn’t make an appearance as I spoke about her species. “Well…unfortunately we can’t guarantee that every animal comes out to say hi,” I sighed. “But…oh wait, here she is.”
The green lion with several horns and many eyes along her flank came out from the forest. “Hello,” she spoke.
“Hi, Sun,” I replied. “We have visitors.”
“What’s that?” Wesley asked suddenly, pointing at the small plastic bag that was still where I’d left it.
“Oh! That is Sun’s enrichment,” I said with a smile. “I put dozens of books on a flash drive and found that she can read them just like she’d read a shelf of books.”
Wesley’s eyes widened. “Wow. I don’t think I’ve read about anyone trying that before. That’s really cool.”
“The books are new and interesting,” Sun spoke, drawing our attention. “I’m grateful for them.”
I nodded to her. “You’re quite welcome.”
The next animal, unfortunately, wasn’t there, and we waited around for ten minutes as we discussed him. He was large and reptile-like with red eyes, with its hind legs and tail making him look vaguely like a kangaroo. Then, enclosure ten was a terrifyingly disturbing creature, the not-a-centaur with no skin, that I’d only seen a few times while walking my route. It gave a good demonstration of its ferocity, showing its sharp teeth and snapping at us a few times.
“I’m thinking of trying salt licks and other horse enrichment like a big bouncy ball,” I told Wesley, whose eyebrows went up at that. “Maybe give him more things to forage like scattered grains or a box filled with pinecones and seeds. Foraging is a huge part of a horse’s life in the wild, and humans have to do a lot of activities like that to keep pet horses busy. Of course, he also loves the little salt-water lake that was built for him.”
We spent some time looking at the animal before moving past our last stop, the empty enclosure of the animal was stolen. Carla glanced at me with a sad smile, knowing what had happened, it seemed. I gave her a nod as we continued on our way, walking into the office. “So, I hope everyone enjoyed themselves!” I said with a smile.
“That was the coolest birthday present I’ve ever gotten,” Wesley said, looking to Denise. “Thanks so much, seriously.”
“It was my pleasure,” she said with a nod. “I’d never been here before, and knew I’d find it fascinating. Thank you for the educational aspect,” Denise said, glancing at me. “I learned quite a lot.”
“Happy to hear it,” I said, returning the nod.
As I escorted the guests out of the zoo and locked the door behind them, I reflected on how much I’d changed. The first time I’d seen Yui’s tarantula form, I’d nearly passed out from fear. Now here I was, walking tourists around like it was no big deal. Humans really can adapt to anything, it seems.
That afternoon, Suzanne had texted me that she was coming by after my shift, and I met her in Andrew’s office, shutting the door to the security room behind me. “How’s Andrew?” I asked first thing.
“He’s doing well,” she said with a wide smile. “Back on non-hospital food. He’s allowed to order food on his phone, and to hear it from him, that’s the best news he’d received in a long time.”
I chuckled. “I guess some clichés are true for a reason.”
“Indeed.” She took a breath. “All right. Ripley…I would like to discuss something with you.”
My face went slack at the serious tone in her voice. “I’m not… Am I being fired?”
“What? No!” she exclaimed. Then she chuckled softly. “No, it’s nothing like that. Just, here, let’s have a seat.” Suzanne walked over to the couch and sat at one end, and I took the other. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something I’ve kept from you, that I wanted to keep from you until you found your sea legs here.”
“Well…I have,” I said with a nod. “So, what is it?”
Suzanne took a breath. “I knew your mother.”
The words hung in the air for a moment before making their way to my ears. It was a perfectly logical sentence, and yet it didn’t make any sense. “What?” I finally managed.
“When you graduated college, I decided to move the zoo from Italy to within driving distance of your home,” she said softly. “Near enough to your town that you’d see the advert. We ignored any other applicants and I hoped you’d apply. Actually, I expected you’d apply. Not just for the money, but considering the field you wanted to go into. As soon as I’d found out your major, I knew.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” I said, holding up a hand. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “How do you know Patricia?”
“She owned the zoo before I did,” Susan explained. “Fourteen years ago…she was working to track an injured animal that we could bring into the zoo and she was killed by poachers.”
My heart calcified in my chest and a lump lodged in my throat. As my breaths became shaky, I stared at her in shock. “She…she’s really dead?”
“You suspected?” she asked softly.
“It…” I swallowed hard. “We had her declared legally dead after…I don’t know, seven years I think. My dad wanted to go after her for child support, but the police said…they said they couldn’t find…” Tears came to my eyes and I blinked them back before I met Suzanne’s gaze. “She owned the zoo?”
Suzanne nodded. “It was her baby, you’d say. When Patricia passed, I inherited it, which we’d discussed beforehand, a legal just-in-case that I never expected her to need. I’m under the impression that you were told she went to Africa for her photography career, but she was in fact going to remote areas back in my home world almost every time.”
“But I-I saw the photos,” I said, my eyes narrowing. “You’re telling me she put on a show of getting pictures that someone else took for us to see every time she visited? Did my dad even know?”
“I suppose that’s an accurate way to put it, putting on a show. And no, your father was never told. It’s not the way of things to tell humans unless it’s necessary. I won’t bore you with the details, but us and humans, we’re distant relatives, so we can still have children. But it wasn’t planned. Your mother fell in love with your father despite herself; she hadn’t meant to find love. Then she became pregnant with you and…well, the rest is history.”
“I think she had a different definition of love than the one I have,” I said tightly. “You’d think she’d have put her survival as more of a priority. Put being with the man she ‘loved’ as a priority. Her kids needed her. I needed her. She signed up when she became a mom. She could’ve screwed up all the time but she couldn’t even manage that one job: be there. When I was in the hospital, I kept thinking, ‘Where is she?’ and now you’re telling me that she put these animals above being there for her kids, and this whole time she’s been dead.”
“The hospital?” she asked, furrowing her brows.
“Never mind,” I said tersely, averting my gaze.
Suzanne hesitated before she nodded slowly. “I’m sorry for your loss, and not just for her death, Ripley,” she told me. “Patricia was…well, a ‘free spirit’ would be putting it gently. She always assumed the world would be there for her whenever she needed it.”
Staring at her for a long moment, I shook my head. “Why? Why come here and hire me?”
“I thought that would be obvious,” she said, smiling. “Your mother was so passionate about this place and once I found out your college major, I figured you would be as well.”
“Did you know that I hate her?” At that, Suzanne’s expression froze on the edge of shock. “She…she left us,” I whispered. “Didn’t tell us who she was or what she really did for a living and gave us no closure. And even when she was here, it was just visiting. Her real home was her work. She could give me all the presents she wanted, but even when she was here, half the time she was still on her computer doing work. It’s not like that stereotype of never making it to my tennis practice or something; it’s that it always felt like she was only partially here, even when I was sitting next to her. I don’t even know if I appreciate her turning me into a wildlife fanatic because it…it…makes me feel like I’m close to her in a way that’s just infuriating. She loved the animals more than she loved us.”
“Oh, Ripley-”
“Don’t,” I said, shoving myself to my feet. “Don’t try to convince me otherwise.”
“I wasn’t going to,” she said quietly. I pursed my lips. “I was going to say that I’m sorry that was the case. Your mother was…flawed, just like any other person. She had two loves in this world: her family and her work. And often, her work overcame her, her zeal for environmentalism getting in the way of being a good mum. She left your father trying to fill the role of two parents, holding your family together. You and your brother and your father, you all deserved better than that.”
My lower lip quivered but I bit down on it hard. It would’ve been a lot easier for me if she’d been speaking from a place of clueless reassurance about all this. But everything she said was making sense and that meant I didn’t have someone in front of me to be angry with.
“Why didn’t you tell me when Andrew hired me?” I sighed, sitting back down on the couch.
“Well, like I said, I wanted you to find your sea legs,” she said with a small smile. “I didn’t want the truth affecting whether or not you wanted to work here, whether you wanted to stay here after finding out about what the animals are. It would’ve complicated things, the emotions you’ll have to work through now that you know the truth. Whether or not you decide to give another tour, you also know what they’re like. That’s the benchmark I wanted you to reach before you found out about who you are.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Who I-” My face went slack. “Wait.”
Suzanne nodded slowly. “You’re only half human. Your brother too.”
The room seemed to tilt on an axis for a moment. “That means I’m also half…what?”
“We call ourselves Eldritch, these days,” she replied.
My eyes bugged out. “What?” I exclaimed. “So you’re all, like, gods or something?”
Suzanne burst out laughing. “Oh no, goodness, no,” she chuckled. “It’s just a word. We live in a very different world from this one, and a few generations ago we discovered the word and it made its way into our lexicon. But it does mean you can see all the animals. Indeed you did, on the tour you gave.”
“Wait, no, I had the glasses that…” I stopped. “Did those glasses do anything?”
She gave a sly smile and shook her head. “Not a thing. You made incredibly quick progress, and then when it came time for the tour, all you needed was to expect to see the animals, and you did.”
Genetics. That’s what Andrew had said during our interview, that part of how many animals you could see was determined by genetics. I guess having a mother who was originally from the other dimension gave me all the genes I needed to see everything here. “Could I…visit your world?” I asked tentatively. “You said that my mom took photos of the animals there. Could I…” My voice trailed off, not even sure if or how I wanted to finish that sentence.
“Those who are half human, especially those who are raised on Earth, don’t come visit,” she said gently. “I could show you some photos of other animals, and I could loan you as many books as you’d like, but it’s simply not a place where you’d be safe.”
“Oh,” I said, leaning into the couch cushion as I pictured the animals in the zoo. “Yeah, actually that…makes sense.” I paused. “So, what now?”
“It’s up to you,” she said. “I wanted to wait until I was sure you were comfortable with your position here, and then put the ball in your court. And so it is. What do you want to do now?”
What did I want to do? It wasn’t that difficult a question, just a deep, serious one.
I wanted to thrive, as the animals did. This is my enrichment now, working at an incredible, wonderful, terrifying zoo. The experience so far hasn’t been perfect, and I know there are risks, but life isn’t about staying safe. It’s about learning new things and making a difference in the world. And, if you’re lucky, having a job that’s something really special.
​
THE END
​
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***
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I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/SparkMandrill90. He posted in AITAH
Mood Spoiler: Good ending.
Original Post: May 9, 2024
My (33M) ex-wife (30F) and I got divorced 3 years ago. In college, we worked at the same restaurant, that's where we met. We were together for 7 years, and married for a little over 3 and half. We divorced because she cheated twice.
2 years into our marriage I discover she is having an affair with a former classmate. I collect enough evidence and confront her. She confesses everything. The affair was about 2 months long. This was a really terrible time, and was really hard to work through with her. You can call me an idiot, but I am a forgiving person. I do believe in 2nd chances and that people can change. We agreed to reconcile. We did the work. We had marriage counseling. We read some of the books, she went no contact with classmate right away, open phone policy, we told our parents. She was doing the right things and our relationship was recovering.
1 year into our reconciliation, her Aunt dies. I am very busy with work and cannot attend the services as they are on Thursday and Friday, back in her hometown 5 hours away. Her parents and brother no longer live there, so she stayed with a good friend from HS. I had met this friend a few times and was comfortable with that.
On Saturday morning my wife text me that the car was loaded, and she was about to start making the drive home. About an hour after that I got a Facebook message from the friend. Who stated she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she just let this go, but informed me that my wife had gone out Friday night with some old friends from HS. The friend thought nothing of this until she discovered my wife had left her phone behind, and that she didnt come back until the following morning. I had gotten a text that Friday night from my wife that she was going to bed early since the past few days had been emotionally draining.
I confronted my wife soon as she got home. She was really hesitant to tell me anything so I lied to her and told her if we were going to work through this, I needed to know everything like the last time. That got her to confess that she had gone out, and had gone home with an old friend from high school. She said they didn't have sex but did do "stuff" that I won't go into detail about here. It didn't matter, once I got enough of the truth I left for my parents house. That week, my Dad called my landlord and paid all the termination fees and got me out of the lease. We went and got my stuff while she was at work. My parents set me up with a friend of theirs that was a divorce attorney and he cut me a deal. Took about 7 months for divorce to go final.
That was 3 years ago. I have an awesome girlfriend, and am doing well. This past weekend I got a Facebook message from a guy who is now engaged to my ex-wife. He introduced himself and said he was probably just being crazy, but he wanted to know why we had gotten divorced. He said he had broached the subject a few times, and she always "gets weird." She had told him we had divorced because we grew apart, but mostly she just deflects or is really really vague.
I told him the truth, and offered evidence if he would like. He declined, and thanked me for my time and story.
A day later I get a phone call from a local, but unknown number. I answer and it's my ex-wife. She is really upset and asking me why I am trying to ruin her future. I get her to calm down and talk. She says her fiancee has asked for some space and is staying with his parents this week. That he is saying he needs to reevaluate their relationship. She wants to know why I told him all about their past and why I'm still punishing her. She tells me she's not that person anymore, and has done all this work, and been in therapy. That she deserves another chance and I'm being petty and hateful. There were a few generic insults thrown. I got a little pissed and told her if she really changed for the better she would have been upfront with him about heour past and owned up to cheating in her prior marriage, and then gone about showing her fiancee that she was ready to be a worthy partner to him unlike she was with me. Instead she tried to lie and hide the truth, and now it's blowing up in her face again. She said a few choice words and hung up.
I haven't heard anything since. I told my girlfriend and she reassured how I handled it. But I find myself feeling guilty. I still believe in 2nd chances and that people can change. While I would have felt wrong lying to the guy, I wonder if I should have handled the whole thing differently or just not responded. If she is truly different and this is just a blip, I don't want to be the thing that prevents her from finding happiness, but also believe I'm not what's hurting her engagement. AITA?
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: The fiancé called you and asked you what happened, you are under no obligation to lie to him for her sake, as a matter of fact, anything that you told him besides the truth would be suspect as you have no idea what she told him. Don’t feel bad, she is only feeling the consequences of her actions. NTA. Kiss your wife, tell her you love her, and live a good life together

OOP: Yeah, I don't know what she's told him exactly. He made it sound like she will do anything NOT to talk about it. He did say the most he's ever gotten out of her when bringing it up was "We grew apart". Which is a lie in itself.

Commenter: NTAH, imagine if you had lied to the guy and said you had just grown apart. Would you want thar on your conscience? I’d have told him rather than been part of a lie that will lead to someone else getting hurt. She hasn’t changed at all.

OOP: No, you're right, I would not have lied to him. I think I was largely wondering if I should have just told him "it wasn't my place and he needs to get it from his fiancee", but after the amount of feedback, I'm feeling really good with my decision.

Commenter: NTA. I’m like you. I would feel guilty because at a glance it seems like being honest about your experience caused your ex to potentially lose her relationship. However you are holding yourself accountable for someone else’s actions. Your ex cheated. Your ex withheld information from her current partner. Your ex is still avoiding accountability. You are not responsible for her actions. Anything that happens in her relationship is her problem, not yours.

OOP: Thank you for this, I got to remind myself of that. I hate causing others pain, so I'm glad to hear from someone who can relate

There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but a majority of votes are NTA
Update Post: May 12, 2024 (3 days later)
I really didn't expect to give an update because I assumed I'd never hear anything from my ex wife or her fiancee again. First Post
Last night I received a very very long text from my ex-wife. I'll summarize it below, because it was long and did have personal details.
She started off by apologizing for the way she talked to me the other day and said I didn't deserve to be insulted like that. She then went onto explain herself, and her situation.
She started by acknowledging that this whole situation wasn't my concern or business, and apologized for me being drawn into it, and said she was embarrassed that their issues were being "aired out." She said it was her fault this happened. Since she began dating her fiancee she has hidden the details of our marriage out of shame and guilt. For the most part it was never brought up until he proposed a couple months ago. That's when he first really asked and seemed to want to know. She said she wasn't ready to deal with that and kept trying to rug sweep it, but he persisted. This is when she started therapy (so apparently she's only had a few therapy sessions and all are recent). She never thought he would reach out to me.
She then stated that none of this was my fault, and apologized for blaming me. She said she should have faced this a long time ago, gotten therapy for ruining our marriage, and come to terms with her own feelings of guilt.
Then she apologized for her affairs, and way I was treated during our marriage.
The last part was just her stating that she was not expecting a response back, wishing me the best, and saying that hopefully her and her fiancee will never "bother me" again.
This morning when I got up and read this, I sent back a brief message:
"I appreciate the apologies and am glad you are working on yourself. I have moved on from what happened, and hope you can move on from this. The only bit of advice I have is I think this text needs to go to your fiancee."
She responded back just by saying "Thank you" and that he's received far more and far longer texts.
I doubt there'll ever be another update. I actually hope there isn't. I don't believe in closure, but I will say it was refreshing, to hear her apologize without an asterisk. That's what I always got before, the "I'm so sorry, I just drank too much and..." "I'm so sorry, I was just really depressed and stressed and...". Doesn't mean a whole lot really, maybe just unexpected for me, but it was nice to hear an apology that has no excuse trailing behind it. I'm going to enjoy the rest of my day now and leave all this behind me.
Wanted to address a small sets of commenters from the first post though. I had several people hung up on that my Dad paid my termination fees and got me out of my lease. He did that of his own accord, to take a lot of the stress of the separation off me. I included that to show how I had a support system that was behind me, and willing to help in any way no questions asked. It really helped me through the healing process, and I got back on my feet pretty quickly after. I'm sorry if you don't have anyone there for you when you're at your lowest, but it doesn't make you better or manlier or whatever you were going for when you made those comments. Having to face any and every challenge on your own, is really just kind of a sad existence in my opinion. I hope that changes for you and you'll find someone to be in your corner someday.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: She seems to be taking some accountability for her actions which is a surprise if she is sincere. They almost never take any responsibility for anything.
Go on and have a wonderful life.

OOP: Yep that's what I'm going to do.
I don't have much thought on the texts she sent me, I mean this whole thing is really nothing more than a weird few days in my otherwise routine life. But I will admit, it was nice to hear her take some accountability without making an excuse right after. That had never happened before.

Commenter: I honestly don't see why people were jumping on you for having someone in your corner to help you out, seems like a weird thing to get hung up on.

OOP: That's how I felt too, but there were a handful of people who were trying to imply that I was some sort of crybaby man child because my Dad took care of that for me.

Commenter: What accountability exactly do you think that she is taking here? She’s basically just playing defense to try to save her current relationship. It’s easy to be honest when there’s no other choice.

OOP: Her motivations are her own.
But to address your questions on accountability. When she first got caught having an affair, and we decided to work it out. She did everything "right." She came to every counseling appointment and fully participated, she read the books we got, she gave me every password, and so on. She would apologize profusely, but every time she would also give an excuse along with it. "I am so sorry I did this to us, I don't know what I was thinking, I was just so caught up in the validation" or the attention, or I was just so depressed and he was just there, and so on. She would put her self down, beg for forgiveness, and each time there was always just a little "asterisk" added on. A little reason/excuse/deflection as to why she did it. An outside factor that pushed her into it to some degree
When she did the second time, there wasn't much discussion because I ended things and left as soon as I got enough confession out of her. But when she was bombarding me with texts, emails, snaps, you name it trying to explain and beg, and ask for one more chance and all that, she apologized a 1000 times, all 1000 times had its little "asterisk.". I was just so drunk I wasn't thinking, I really thought he just wanted to keep hanging out, we didn't have sex (whether this was true or not I really don't care) and so on.
I'm going to assume you've never dealt with a betrayal like this, and I hope you never do, but when you are a person like me, who has been betrayed, even years later, to finally get an apology that has no excuses, no asterisks attached to it, it is incredibly refreshing. I truly thought it would never happen, thought she would never be capable.
Now, it doesn't mean much, our lives haven't crossed paths in 2.5 years, and may never again. I'm not going to be reaching out and I assume neither is she, but for that to actually happen, I'll take the win today.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Born_Analysis8995
Originally posted to self
My (16m) mom (40f) confessed that she is my sister and I now feel bad
Trigger Warnings: death of a loved one, past sexual assault, teen pregnancy, drugs and alcohol use, mentions of overdose
Original Post (Wayback Machine): May 11, 2024
Idk why I feel so much guilt about this whole situation. This happened 5 days ago, 1 week after my 16th birthday.
So my mom (sister) explained our entire family situation. Her mom (my bio mom) was assaulted as a teenager (15) and was forced to keep the child because of her parents, eventually giving birth to my mom. They struggled a lot during this time and my mom was resented by her mom so she moved away as soon as she was 18 and went NC. Her mom began spiralling with drugs, alcohol, etc once she left and eventually ended up pregnant again with me around the time my mom was 23. However, she was deemed unfit to raise me so they managed to contact my mom and she agreed to take me in. My bio mom never really recovered and ended up overdosing a year later.
This completely surprised me because I genuinely never had clue I wasn't actually my mom's child. We look very much alike and she went to great lengths to become my mom. She said that I don't need to call her mom anymore and that I deserved to know the truth before I turn 18. This upset me and I absolutely disagreed with her and said that no matter what she would always be my mom and I would always call her that because she is in every way my mom. And we both cried over this and hugged and I thanked her for telling me the truth also.
The thing that is eating away at me though is that she sacrificed so much to raise me and I can't repay her in any way. Like she hasn't dated at all even though I know that she wants a partner. She also changed professions to better accommodate me. She has done so much and I can't repay her in any way. And I haven't always been the best to her either. I was definitely difficult as a child and recently I haven't really been listening and respecting her as much as I should be. And I know I've probably said some mean things over the years, mostly around wanting to be with my dad (she initially said that she had a husband that abandoned us when I was born). All of this just made me feel so much guilt and sadness. And I know if I talk to her about it she'll just reassure me that she is happy and I shouldn't worry but I can't get rid of this feeling.
I've decided that I'm going to be the best son ever and do everything she says from now on. But I still can't get rid of this feeling. I don't know what to do.
Relevant/Top Comments
YoungeCurmudgeon4: Your sister is an amazing woman and an incredible person and deserves all the love and respect in the world.
As for you, handling this so well takes a lot in a person. Be proud of yourself. And always believe in yourself.

OOP: Thanks I'll try my best ❤️ My love for her is probably at an all time high. I wish I'd know earlier so that I could have always treated her this way.

TraditionalShop6800: Talk to your mom, thank her and tell you are grateful for how she raised you. And now, she should think about herself too. Encourage her to date again and find a partner.

OOP: Okay I will. I think I'll take some time to figure out the right words to say to her 😅

Galactus1701: Repay her by being the best person you can be. Help her, be respectful, study and always be grateful.

OOP: Absolutely will be the best son I can 😅

BiasCutTweed: You have to also give yourself a little grace here - your mom sounds amazing and deserves all the best, but what she clearly wanted for you was to give you a normal, stable childhood. And it’s very normal for children to act out sometimes, to say things in anger, to be difficult. It’s all a part of growing up.
The good thing is that it’s easy to see from your reaction to what she told you that she did an amazing job and you’re well on your way to becoming a great person she will be proud of. Take all of this and let it strengthen those good qualities. Do your best for her and yourself but don’t beat yourself up for past mistakes you can’t change. You don’t need to repay her for the choices she made, you just need to live a life that makes you both happy.

OOP: Thank you for the advice ❤️ I'll definitely try my best to feel proud of myself and also make her happy

 
Mini Update: May 12, 2024
I've literally been tearing up from all the comments and messages from everyone. I am honestly so grateful for all the kind words and reassurance. Genuinely thanks so much ❤️
Not much of an update really but I thought I would still share. I took a few pieces of advice and have done them randomly during day. Firstly Happy Mother's Day everyone. Hope you had a great time. Me and my mom had a few things planned for today and I got back just over an hour ago now. We went to the cinema then a restaurant and ended the day with bowling. Honestly had an absolute blast and she was happy throughout. I got her a gift too, it was a photo engraved bracelet which I gave her at the end of bowling.
One advice I got was saying things that show her I care about her so I said "Your the best" and hugged her after the cinema. I also said "I love you" when giving her the bracelet which made her cry 😭
I still do feel the guilt but I'm not gonna let it get me down. Don't want more stress especially with exams coming up 😅 I saw a lot of comments mentioning that I shouldn't keep my feelings bottled up so I am planning on conveying all my feelings to her soon. I'll probably write a letter because I know I'll probably start crying before I even start speaking 😂 I think that will definitely give me some peace of mind. Thanks all again for taking the time to read this ❤️
(Also I completely forgot how biology works in my last post 😅 She would be my half-sister not sister since I doubt our father's were the same. But regardless I'm still going to call her mom 😁)
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I have a neighbor let’s call her M. She has a dog and that’s how I met her because there’s about several people to get together and have the dogs play in our common area where I live. The last few months she’s gotten to become someone that I end up seeing all the time and talking to. Mainly because when I walk my dog, she’s always walking her dogs, and she retired so we chitchat and now sometimes we share food. She’s very generous and shares dog treats with me and in a pinch. If I needed help and emergency, she probably help me. Here’s where to me it’s going left.
I’ve noticed that she is the most gossipy nosy person in this community. She knows people by their unit number lol and then proceeds to tell me all the gossip on the marriages , on who died, who got surgery who’s animal got surgery who is moving out etc. and would’ve noticed this is not a once in a while thing it’s every time I talk to her she’s talking about somebody in our community and it’s making me want to keep my distance.
The other thing is sometimes she’s extremely rude and the way she talks. I think it’s her personality. I think she has ADHD may be a little something else but it’s like she has two personalities. And I’ve let it go a few times but I’ve worked on boundaries my whole life because I didn’t have any before and I’m putting them up now. Tonight I ended up getting rude back and walked away.
The last thing is she text me every day . If she hears me ask another neighbor something she’ll go home look it up and text me the answer with pictures. If I say anything, she’ll send me pictures or a link to where I can get what I’m looking for or solve the problem that I have. I started to not reply back and then when she sees me outside she’s like did you get my text did you get my text?
I’ve not really hung out with her that much. I invited her over for lunch outside on my patio and then she took me to lunch last week but I’m just realizing I don’t have anything in common with her and we are completely two different people. I’m actually 13 years younger and she’s old for her age actually.
So I’m torn between texting her and just telling her that I have nothing against her and I appreciate the neighborly efforts and so if she ever needs anything on an emergency to go ahead and text me or call me but other than that I just appreciate if she kept her text to me a minimum or I’m not sure what to say
Part of me wants to just tell her she’s rude and I don’t like the way she talks to me but then again, so people can’t take criticism. I don’t even want to go that deep. I just want to disassociate myself.
What should I do?
One last thing I did block her I guess I forgot and so today she asked me if I saw her text about a bike that she saw for sale and I told her I didn’t get it so we got an argument lol oh well I don’t even want this energy around me

I don't even know how much of my trauma actually is trauma? If that makes sense? I always feel horrifically invalid from it being so watered down as a child and made to feel normal.
I was bullied to the ends of the earth for the sexual abuse my bio dad put me through because I would talk about it like it was normal at school to my friends, simple things like someone having their own bedroom and not being forced to sleep in their dads bed, or being allowed to open the blinds, not having to deadbolt the front door or not being forced to take temazepam every night. Oh, it's not normal for your dad to force you to drink upward of 3 bottles of wine a weekend? I would be tormented by my friends because they were kids, kids are assholes, common shit like ‘your dads a pedo/he touches you/etc’ and I'd laugh along because I didn't know what it meant. No one ever explained it to me, no other adults stepped in to stop it, not even my sibling spoke up about it even though she witnessed it for majority of my growing up. This all took place from ages 3-12, my memory only starting at about 8 and at 12 i had to remove myself from that situation because my mother didn’t want to ‘be a bitch’. it’s been 6 years since i’ve seen my dad, which i only have myself to thank, my family still jokes about the stuff i went through, which i later learnt they all knew about. He had 4 restraining orders against him from a previous family, because he sexually abused his 3 kids, all under the age of 8, youngest being 2.
i went to the police about everything (my mother did not want to be involved so i had to get my sibling to take me, i was 14 at the time). they told me because i had no evidence and it had been so long, the only thing i could do was get a no contact order, which my mum would have to fill out and it would protect me from him contacting me, meaning if he broke it, it would lead to a restraining order, and then if that was broken he would do time. she told me to my face that it was a waste of time. When i was 13 i opened up to her about shit that had happened, her only response was ‘you can’t blame me for what happened’. Mind you this was not the only person in the family who was doing shit, my dad found CP of me on my cousins laptop when i was 8, he was so angry and after that day i was no longer allowed in my cousins room when we went over there. that’s some of the only ‘trauma’ i have clear memory of was the shit on those recordings.
Around that time i started self harming, i was around 9 years old and as i got older it just got more ‘severe’, stitches, weekly doctors visits, medication, therapy ontop of therapy, my mums only issue with my self harm seemed to be that it made her look like a shit parent, the first time she saw was when i was 13, my sleeve rolled up whilst we were waiting for a court meeting. My dad had tried to take us to court since he believed my mum was ‘keeping’ me from him (we did not end up going to court, he threatened to kill his lawyer and then was given a mental health assessment that did not go in his favour.). She saw my wrist and started screaming at me in the middle of a cafe about how stupid i was for even doing that, mind you i was on my way to have a child psychologist assess me for court. she swore black and blue at me before telling me to ‘keep my sleeves down’ during the assessment.
Second time she found out was when she came into my room whilst i was taking a nap, i was wearing a short sleeved shirt so my at the time scars were quiet visible, she dragged me out of bed whaling about how i was stupid for continuing and i had ruined my body, i was 15 at this time, the year prior i had been diagnosed CPTSD, Emerging BPD, PDD (persistent depressive disorder) and Social Anxiety, as well as panic disorder and some form of major dissociation either from BPD or underlying schizophrenia (there’s a very strong genetic risk for it since both my dad and 3 of my siblings have it.). She didn’t care what diagnosis i had, she still doesn’t to be honest and to her they’re just words on paper saying her kid is ‘weird’. Growing up i was often referred to as ‘it’, ‘the thing’, ‘kid’. i’ve found that after all sexual assault i start to feel immensely uncomfortable in my identity, and i will change my name, i also discovered the queer community around the time of all this too and it gave me something to focus on instead of dwelling about my past. she’s never respected my name, or pronouns, it’s been the same name for 4 years now, same pronouns and either of those have ever been attempted to be used, i gave up so i just let her say what she wants since she’s sick and probably won’t be around for a while longer.
I know if someone else told me this stuff i’d always agree that it’s messed up and they need help etc. but because it’s me i just can’t make that connection? this is my childhood, this was what’s normal, no one ever batted an eye about it or told me it was wrong so i can’t be upset or feel bad about it since what am i going to do? but realistically, i am honestly falling apart day by day, all trust is gone, i don’t know who i am, i constantly put others first, and ontop of mental fuckarounds there’s a bunch of shit wrong with me physically that limits a lot of stuff, i feel like this world isn’t meant for me, my quality of life is nearly 0 and if an animal had gone through shit to the point it can’t function in life properly and will be put down, then why tf am i still here, i have so many questions to ask so many people of just ‘why did you let this happen’ but i know the blame will be pushed back to me.
sorry for rambling, my head is so clouded at the moment and i’ve been having horrible irrational thoughts about all this, I’m 17 now, i’ll be 18 this year. i’ve moved out of my mothers house and see her once a fortnight, shes dying, and it saddens me since i do love her, she’s my mum, a part of me will always love her. My dad is still unfortunately alive, he got me sent into the psychiatric hospital a could months back, he finds whatever house i live in, whatever job my family members (2) have, he will drive by, rock up, break in, do whatever he wants since police won’t help, he’s still tormenting my life every single day and there’s nothing i can do about it, and i’m so, so tired.

This will be a bit long so there will be a tl,dr at the end if you don't want to read all of it. I'm new at this so bear with me.
Bit of background about myself I [18F] have diagnosed combination type ADHD though for my entire life my doctor has recommended I be tested for Autism and my school has always been saying that I have Autism for as long as I can remember. I have never been emotionally attached to my parents while I am grateful for all they have done for me I have just never been attached to them like I would care if they were gone. When I was in elementary school I was a very hyper child and I was not well behaved at all due to this in kindergarten my teachers would often tell me to go off to another part of the room away from everyone else and give me things to play with so that I would be distracted and they could teach the rest of the class without me disrupting them so I would pretty much be isolated from everyone else. I have been in special needs classes since kindergarten and I have only been put on medication for my ADHD once which was when I was 8 but I was taken off it by my parents as it turned me into a "zombie" I believe the medication was Adderall but other than that I have been unmedicated for ten (10) years. My parents have been married 18 years, I believe they got married because my mother became pregnant with me
I discovered that my mother was cheating on my father about two (2) or three (3) months ago though I had been suspecting it for over six (6) months I just never had any solid proof until two (2) to three (3) months ago. Recently I had my friend send my father the proof of my mother's affair that I have collected but to my surprise after they talked for around 15 about it their relationship has improved significantly compared to how it's been for over a year. This all started in 2023 my mother began constantly face timing this guy we'll call P I had never seen before whenever my father wasn't around when I asked about it she said P was just a friend and so I believed her and I had even spoken to the guy though he didn't sit well with me as he seemed like a prick. After about a month of my mother constantly on the phone with P whenever my father wasn't around I began to wonder if there was more to this, so I began listening in on their conversations whenever I could to see if I could hear anything that indicated that was an affair but I never got anything out of it besides lewd jokes and comments from P about black women. During this time she was giving my father zero affection and had even stopped telling me that she loved me even I said it to her.
Eventually I got fed up with them constantly talking to each other and I was very angry with my mother for taking me and my three (3) year old brother to the park for as she called it "family time" only for her to be off on her own away from us and on her phone the entire time texting and face timing P and even flat out ignoring me numerous times whenever I tried to talk to her or asked her to watch me do something, this upset me because I like getting attention from others and she had denied me that. So after I was fed up with them I went off on my mother for the first time ever while she on the phone with P and said some not nice things to her and said not nice things about P, I also brought up my suspicion of her having an affair which she denied and when I pressed her about why said lied to me about things regarding P such as where he lived, how she knew him, why she only ever called him whenever my father wasn't around, and why she started talking to him she told me it was because she "wasn't allowed to have friends" which is not true she has many friends many of which I know. After that all happened I stopped talking to her for a while and she stopped calling him whenever I was around and I began to wait for opportunities for when I could take her phone and go though it as I knew her password. I couldn't just wait for her to go to bed as she is a light sleeper and my father goes to bed a different times from her so he would see me and question me as to why I was taking her phone or she would end up waking up and question me so I had to wait for when she left her phone unattended which wasn't very often.
Two (2) months ago I was able to swipe her phone and go though it and it was all right there. I love you's, naked pictures, sexual conversations, talk of divorcing my father for P and taking my brother with, and I made sure to get plenty of pictures of it and I even found out that on a trip she took to "Ohio" in which is paid 300$ for plan tickets to and from she had actually not went there and instead went to the state P lives, I also found P's Facebook where he had pictures of himself with my mother together and the dates the pictures were posted and the date my mother left for her trip matched up, during that trip she had actually never even called back home to talk to me, my father, or my brother. For a while after I confirmed my mother was cheating on my father I blamed myself because P asked me if I was okay with him talking to my mother (This was when I still though he was just her friend) and I said I was and it made me feel like I was the one that allowed this to happen but I realized it wasn't my fault and the only one to blame was my mother. After my mother returned from her trip she had actually wanted to have sex with my father for the first time in a while though I suspect she only did it because she had sex with P and wanted to do it with my father in case she became pregnant though I have no evidence to prove this but I do know that birth control does not work for my mother as when she conceived me, my sister, and my brother she was on birth control same as her mother though take that with a grain of salt as my mother is terrible at taking medication at the same time everyday. After that I began to plan out what to do, I didn't care about what would happen to me if they got divorced I was thinking of how I could try and get this to work out best for my brother. My at the time boyfriend had gone though a similar situation as to what I was going though, his mother cheated on his father and divorced him and ran away with her affair, leaving behind her children and leaving her ex-husband in lots of debt from legal fees. I didn't want that to happen to my father so I talked with my at the time boyfriend and my friends as for what I should do and I also looked into what the divorce laws in my state which my state does not count adultery as grounds for divorce.
Eventually I got another chance to go though my mother's phone and it was more of the same old stuff but in one part she told P that she was in the process of filing some kind of legal paperwork and P seemed excited about that there was also a "protected files" thing on her phone that needed a password to get into but since it wasn't the same password as the one to her phone I couldn't get it. Once I saw that I knew I couldn't wait any longer and I had my friend send my father the proof though a burner phone number so none of it was connected me and they wouldn't know I had all of the evidence then I waited for him to confront my mother. It didn't take long for that to happen as soon as she came home from work he was on her about it but he never raised his voice or showed any kind of aggression towards my mother they just calmly talked for about 15 minutes. During so my mother never showed any kind of regret or remorse, she never even said sorry mostly just saying "believe what you want to believe" she told my father that he was just a friend from high school (Though I think there is more to it than that) and that he was obsessed with her and wanted her to divorce my father for him and even her parents where egging her on to do it but she said she didn't want to give up her family and home just to start all over and that if she wanted to leave she would have already left, but that doesn't really make sense to me as if you cared so much about your family and the life you built then wouldn't you show some kind of emotional response when all of that was threatened? she also implied that the lewd pictures she had sent P he had paid her to send them. After they finished talking they hugged and carried on with their day like nothing had happened and they have been doing things they hadn't done in years, cuddling in bed together, kissing, and hugging. Today I checked my mother's phone again and it seems she has stopped talking to P all together and doesn't even have him as a friend of Facebook anymore and I can't find their messages on Facebook messenger anymore though I doubt she really stopped.
TL,DR: My mother cheated on my father but after exposing her cheating to my father their relationship began to improve, I want to try and fix my relationship with my mother for the sake of my brother but I don't know how to go about it
While their relationship is improving my relationship with my mother is in the trash I have told her to stop talking to me or doing anything with me period as I despise cheating but I would like to attempt to fix my relationship with my mother because I want to be in my brother's life and I feel if things between me and my mother sour she will prevent me from being around him and I plan on moving out as soon as I am able to. I have two (2) older half sister's 21 and 25 respectively (Same father different mother) but I don't get to see them much since they have their own lives and one of them even has her own family, my mother also doesn't like them and I feel she played a role in keeping me from seeing them when I was growing up and I have one (1) younger sister that was put up for adoption though it is an open adoption so I still see her every now and then, I have never been able to form any kind of relationship with my siblings as I never grew up with them and I scarcely saw them during my childhood but my brother is the only one I have been able to be with long-term and I want to be able to build a relationship with my brother as he grows up and I believe fixing my relationship with my mother will help me be able to do this. I want to be able to fix things between me and my mother for my brother but at the same time I don't want to reveal that I was the one that caused her little affair to get exposed as I feel that will damage our relationship even more. How should I approach mending things with her without damaging things further? I don't believe cheaters should be given a second chance with the person they cheated on but I want to fix things between me and mother at least temporarily for my brother.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Direct-Armadillo-770
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH if I don’t go to my sister’s wedding because she is excluding my husband?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: verbal abuse, ableism
Original Post: May 11, 2024
I (F , 36) have been married to my husband Brad (M , 40) for the last 6 years. I have a daughter (F,10) from a previous relationship (we were engaged when he abandoned me when I was pregnant to be with his coworker and eventually disappeared).
Brad loves and adores my daughter and my daughter loves him so much . I’m currently pregnant with our first baby (my second baby) . Brad is a paraplegic. He was in a car accident when he was 21. He has since his accident went back to school and currently works as university prof . He is super independent and possibly the best man I could ever married .
My sister is getting married and today she announced that the venue she picked is a heritage building . I told her then it won’t be wheelchair accessible… she rolled her eyes and said “the world doesn’t revolves around Brad , it’s not his day ! It’s mine” . I said I understand but I’m not leaving him behind then . She started screaming that I’m trying to steal attention because everyone will ask where is bride’s sister . Her fiancé suggested having the ceremony at the heritage building but have the reception at another venue that way Brad can join us . My sister said no .
I talked to Brad , he thinks I should go and he and my daughter can have daddy /daughter date and he will take care of her (it’s a child free wedding and we were initially going to ask Brad’s mom to watch my daughter) . He thinks it’s not a big deal and I should just go and enjoy the wedding . I feel very bad and don’t want to go but my sister will be so upset . AITAH if I don’t go to my sister’s wedding because she is excluding my husband ?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
Still_Actuator_8316: Do what feels right to you.
I can see you love your husband very much. And you have every right to be mad that your sister wants to exclude him.
And serious. How hard is it to rent a temporary ramp to be put in place so he can go. But since I don't know the stair situation I can give a pass about that. But there are options

OOP: It’s an old heritage building with lots of stairs unfortunately. I feel really bad for my husband tbh

bluefurniture: I like the idea of the Dad and daughter day. Are you in the wedding party? How does the heritage building get away with skirting ADA laws.? Your sister is awful and at least the fiance is empathetic. don't be surprised if there is no wedding.

OOP: I’m not in the wedding party . Sadly it’s 2024 and we still don’t have something like ADA in Canada . Since it’s a heritage building they don’t care about accessibility. Yes , my husband once a month has a daddy/daughter date . They go to different restaurants each time and do any activities she chooses :)

Great-Asparagus8788: As a Mom of a Differently Abled Daughter- I have to say #1 your sister didn't turn overnight. She's been enabled in her ROTTEN behavior her whole life. Your parents should be ashamed. Your Hubs sounds awesome though! You don't have to ask permission to turn your back on a dumpster fire. Point out it's on fire and the privledge of you ,your husband and their grandbabies presence will be restored when the fire is out. And then leave.

OOP: My parents pay for my sister’s big wedding . They did pay for my at home reception when we eloped as well ( they invited everyone ( about 14 people ) to a restaurant ). I talked to them . They said they do love Brad but it’s my sister’s day and they can’t force her to change her mind . Yes I’m disappointed at them . I just don’t understand how you can claim you respect someone yet tell him to stay home ! You are not welcome …my husband is used to not being included so he is okay . I just can’t get over it

 
Update: May 12, 2024
My post : https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/comments/1cpuqyy/aitah_if_i_dont_go_to_my_sisters_wedding_because/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
. Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice.
It’s Mother’s Day today and of course my husband and my daughter decided to spoil me rotten :) we went for Mother’s Day lunch to my parents. My sister and her fiancé, Bob (his name is Babak , he is Iranian but everyone calls him Bob) came too.
Brad , Bob and my dad were in the backyard Bbqing and chatting . My mom and my sister were in the kitchen talking . My sister went on and on about her wedding plans . I asked her if there is any possibility that she would consider Bob’s suggestion? She can have her civil ceremony , Iranian ceremony , and all her pictures done in her dream venue then have the reception which is just dinner , dance and cake somewhere else . I told her it means alot to me if she makes this accommodation for Brad.
My sister LOST it! Started screaming that I have always been jealous of her and now trying to ruin her dream wedding . She said I’m jealous because I never had a big wedding and had to elope because I had a kid out of wedlock (I didn’t have to ! It was our decision to have a stress free elopement). She also said it was my choice to marry “a cripple” guy so why should her wedding plans has to change . My mom told her to stop but she kept on going . I told her then I’m not coming . I told Brad and my daughter that we were leaving . I couldn’t stay there anymore . Her entitlement sickens me .
Now my parents are mad at me for even suggesting because “your sister is under stress”. My dad thinks I acted immature by leaving and mom says I overreacted because I’m pregnant and hormonal ! I’m so disappointed at my parents too for not standing up to my sister . My plan is to go NC with my sister. I don’t even know who she is anymore . So no happy update . I just cut my sister out of my life and will NOT be going to her wedding. Sorry for typos I’m very emotional right now
Comments
RNGinx3: SaveBob
Your sister is a jerk, and your parents enable and excuse her tantrums. I'd put sister on NC and parents on LC.
Swampy_63: Let them be mad. Their loss.
Your sister has shown exactly who she is. Bubbye.
Hopefully your parents will come to their senses and understand why you’re not going.
captainhyena12: Wow insult your husband calls him a cripple take shots at both you and your child for the child being born out of wedlock and then your parents have the audacity to tell you you're overreacting because you left what? How the hell does someone even have that much? Audacity and this is coming from me. Someone who admittedly at times has way too much audacity.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

It's time baby. You've been with me 8 years, 6 months, and 13 days since Jared brought you home and you became my cat. My baby. You were only about 2 months old according to the vet so I decided September 1st was your birthday.
Tomorrow we have to part ways. I see that you haven't been feeling well for a little while now. Today really proved that. It was raining, and you didn't even want to go outside. That's not like you Oliver. You love going outside, even in the rain. You're a cat that loves water.
You barely ate today, mostly eating the chicken I brought to you. You spent the day sleeping behind the closet door. I made sure to put your blanket down in there so it was extra soft and comfy.
We spent time together in that cramped little closet today. I've apologized a million times for all the moments I lost my cool with you not because you escaped, yet again, but just because I was frustrated and yelled at you. You didn't deserve that, and I can never take it back. The apologies will never be enough.
We talked about the good times. The time I woke up in the middle of the night sandwiched between you and Bella. My orange boy snuggled up on side, and my pittie, like a block of concrete on the other. Neither one of you budged when I wiggled my way out from under the covers to go pee, or wiggled my way back in. Or the times you climbed the big arborvitae tree in the backyard and made your way onto the garage roof. Or you just climbed up as far as you could go and needed me to come up and get you. You laying on my shoulders when we went to the pet store. The millions of times you came to greet me at the door and launched yourself up into my arms or climbed onto my shoulders from on top of the fridge.
My two favorites being 1) the couple of times you slept under the covers with me. And 2) the time I tried to make you sit with me and watch Oliver and Company. The movie I named you after. You didn't go for it, so I watched it alone.
There's so many more memories that I'll forever cherish. The snuggles, the baths, chasing you around the neighborhood.
Time has flown, and yet it was never enough. You're just snoozing away in the cat climber right now, and tomorrow night when I look up, you won't be there. Not physically anyway. I feel the immense pain of having to lose you. It feels like every fiber of my being is being ripped to shreds. This is worse than childbirth.
It hurts to know Caleb will never really know you. There's a few pictures, and you've let him touch you a couple times. You've even snuggled his head a few times in the nights... after trying to play with and nibble on it. I love him, but I feel horribly guilty that these past 5 months I haven't been able to give you the same amount of love and attention as I used to. Going outside as often as we once did hasn't been easy since moving into the apartment and especially after the baby.
You were never a placeholder. You are now, always have been, and forever will be my first baby Oliver.
Oliver, Ollie, Ol, Pookie, Pooks, Fluffernutter, Fluff, Chonk, Chonker. Fluffernut. Nutter butter. The cat I swear I should have named Dennis the Menace. My orange boy.
I don't want you to go. I don't know how to do this without you. I don't WANT to do it without you. But I promised you I'd always protect you. I'd never let anything happen to you; that Momma's got you. And the truth is, if I let things go the way they've been, I'll have broken that promise. And I'll have been the one who hurt you because I was too selfish to let you go with dignity. I can't do that to you. I won't.
So in the morning, we'll go outside for the sunrise if you're up for it. We'll have some yogurt together. I'll hold you close. And when our time is at the close, I'll be right beside you. In the comfort of our own home. Together, with daddy and Caleb, and Kitty nearby. I'll be with you until the end. Always.
I love you Pooks. More than anything. Thank you for our time together. Come find me again.

Everyday I wake up and the first thing that comes to my mind is whether I should be doing this or that for the sake of making it through the entire day without breaking. I acknowledge the fact that I find it hard to earn my own respect, or that I probably lost it already, and continuously seek validation in every aspect of my life , whether small or big. How do I cope? By hating myself, I suppose. Moreover, I deny the possibilities of having the "good" come into my life.
For example, I gave it my all into trying to get into a university abroad, but even after a year of preparation, I felt like my own efforts betrayed me. Maybe part of it was that mentality I had wherein I thought: "Everyone has equal chances anyways. It all ends up to personal reason if I get accepted or not and I'm rather sure my hardwork and talents won't fail me." Oh god, it was a relief to be wrong. I guess I needed someone or something to tell me to snap out of being so naive. For that purpose, it was all so that I could get another reason to hate myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a masochist that I enjoy failing (though I guess that's part of me seeking validation too), but my life's come down to the fact that it's part of my identity. It's become a part of me.
Moreover, I didn't have quite the childhood either. My parents expected a lot from me, in my opinion. When I was really young, my curiousity was all over the place. My parents saw that as an opportunity to teach me a lot of things, and I enjoyed learning. But when I started going to school, it was all about grades. Well, not initially, but eventually. I had a decent start with good grades. Top of the class, extracurriculars, etc. Then I got a bad score on my test one day and my parents scolded me for an entire hour, no kidding. I took it to myself to understand their point of view, and had nothing else to say. As the years pass by, my parents also didn't have a lot of time for me anymore. I wouldn't call it "neglect" but it's gotten to a point where I can't share my personal problems with them anymore because whenever I do, I get an earful amount of cusses and guilt trips. So I suppose all that's left for us to talk about is my grades, which I had been desperately trying to maintain, but it also stressed me out.
Everything I do these days feel so little and meaningless I can't give any effort to it anymore. Maybe I'm afraid of failing again. I would've hoped that was the only reason, but no. I just... can't seem to see what's good in me unless others pointed it out. I'm tired of loathing myself everyday, but I can't find any reason to love myself too. All the "good" points I have are results of my pursuit for validation. But I suppose there are parts of me where I still have love for, just that I find it to be... in vain. Like, I could spend hours alone just pondering about the meaning of life and I'd branch out to some other topics, or just stare at the horizon and wait for sunsets to come down; it calms me.
I know that this coming from an 18 year old, without much of an experience in life yet, seems to be absurd, but I'm really sick of the way I'm living. "Freedom" seems nice. I'm sure if I could look at it in a way where I'm not afraid of making a mistake, or in a way where I could just be grateful for whatever opportunities of happiness I can have, or I can forgive myself for taking this long to admit it, then I'm sure I can stop hating myself and do what I really wanna do. I just don't know how.

I have a pretty good relationship with my mom. We butt heads sometimes but she’s usually pretty reasonable. I’m living with my parents right now because I have a chronic illness and I’m working on getting on my feet and then moving out. I have a mental illness. I’m super healthy and have a bunch of healthy habits. I’m not a toxic person like the stereotype, I just struggle and I make sure to help my parents out as much as I can while I’m here. Just two months ago I was hallucinating so I’m on new medication. It’s working really well and I’m doing good.
(I know there will be people who blame me or judge me for having a mental disability so if you are going to do that, please don’t)
My mom has been sober for 30 years. Before that she was a mess, she’s told me intense stories. She’s very much involved with AA. She’s pretty high up there, she does speaker meanings in front of hundreds of people, all her friends are sober, her brother is sober, and she still goes to meetings regularly. Honestly, I am so grateful and proud of her sobriety. I know AA has helped her. I am super proud of her. She helps people. I just think she might need actual therapy instead of just AA work.
The thing is, she thinks everyone is an alcoholic. She can be very harsh sometimes. Ever since I started drinking alcohol as an adult, she has judged me. I definitely don’t have a drinking or drug problem. I drink maybe 2-3 times a month, a couple of glasses of beer or wine that’s it. I don’t even drink liquor. I’m happy with just a couple beers. I haven’t been blacked out since I was a teenager and I can’t remember the last time I had a hangover.
The thing is (which isn’t my main issue there’s more to this story) she literally judges me so hard if I ever drink or she hears about me drinking. We can be at dinner with the family, I’ll order a glass of cab to go with my pasta, and she will give me dirty looks and make comments. I’ve been dealing with this for 10 years. The one time I was hungover a long time ago I was vomiting, and she gave me so much grief and was like “wow you drank so much you are sick” and won’t leave me alone. At family functions I’ll have a beer with my cousins and she just vibes me so hard. She treats me like I have a serious drinking problem when I clearly don’t. For 10 years she gets shitty with me if she sees me even have one beer.
Well two days ago I had a great beach day. The beach was empty, my dog and I walked for miles, we ran into an old friend. It was such a good day. I deal with depression a lot so I treasure my good days. I was so sad that my day got ruined because of her.
On the way home I got a tall coors light bc it sounded nice after my beach day. I came home, super happy, talking to my parents, making jokes. I made some food, cleaned up the kitchen, did dishes and went to go to my room. we were walking to our rooms at the same time. As I began to say goodnight to my mom, she turned around, stared at the beer and me and gave me a nasty look. The thing about my mom she often lies, if she says something fucked up and I point it out she will lie . She does these lies and it’s so obvious.
After she gave me that nasty look, I calmly said “I’m 30 years old, I’m allowed to have a beer, don’t judge me”. Then she lied and said I was looking at your glasses. Gaslighting me. I told her, no you weren’t. You gave me a look because I have a beer. She denied it and I said “liar”. She lost her shit. She started saying you’re calling me a liar!!!! And started yelling at me. I stood my ground and said you were lying and I don’t appreciate being treated like that, you gave me a look about my beer. Shehe even admitted it and said that yes I saw you had a tall beer (she said tall as if that means something) and she continued to lie and said I was looking at your glasses too. I retreated to my room bc I didn’t want to have a full blown argument. She followed me.
The thing about my mom, when she is super upset she comes super close to me aggressively, like what people do when they are about to fight.
She came into my room and was yelling at me, saying over and over you called me a liar. She got in my face aggressively. I told her many times to get out of my face. It’s like she was trying to get me to fight her. She kept getting closer and closer until I was up against the wall. I was being rational and saying it’s not okay to treat me like this and she kept mocking me. Over and over, while inches from my face when she had me cornered. She wouldn’t listen and move.
We have a power imbalance in our relationship bc while I recover and get stable, they help me with gas sometimes or things like ordering contacts, or I’ll use it to pick up things for her or stuff like paying when I took her cat to the vet. I pet sit and pay for my bills. She gave me a credit card to keep with me just in case. I barely ever use it, usually just for gas id she says it’s okay. I’ve expressed my gratitude many times that they are helping me, while also sharing how embarassed and ashamed I am to lean on my parents and live at home for now. This hasn’t been how it was forever, I lived alone for 9 years in Northern CA. I just needed time to get more stable and save money, and have a place to live while I go to my appointments.
So she was hysterical freaking out, mocking me and getting aggressive. She all of a sudden yelled give me thee credit card now!! I barely ever use it, I don’t give a fuck about the card, she brought it up to throw the money thing in my face even though she knows how humbling it is for me to rely on them.
I said I’m not giving it to you until you get out of my face. She then grabbed my phone and said fine will your not getting your phone tonight. I said I don’t care about the card and you don’t get to treat me like this. She then ran to her office to cancel the card online. I followed her to get my phone back and got my wallet. She was hysterical yelling at me at her computer, and mocking every single thing I said. She twisted my words around. She also then said “Wow what’s going on with you tonight?” Alluding that I was being mentally ill or unstable, which she knew I wasn’t she just threw the good ol “wow have you taken your meds” to do a low blow about my mental illness. That in itself is so hurtful bc they know how much I’ve struggled with this. I told her I’m not giving you the card until you give me my phone. She got up and cornered me again. She got so close to me aggressively and I just kept telling her to back up. She got me against a wall again. Then she hit me multiple times, and I softly but firmly put my knee up and pushed to get her off me. I threw the card at her desk. I was saying that the card has nothing to do with this, you just brought that up to make me feel bad, you are so toxic, I did nothing wrong. She continued mocking me. I left and went into the bathroom and she finally left. I cried a lot in the shower.
I just treated her to a great Mother’s Day. We had a great time. It made me so sad and so hurtful she treated me like this. It keeps replaying in my head and I can’t believe she got so physical with me and hit me. The mocking, gaslighting, lies. Alluding that I was having an episode… that one hurt a lot. She didn’t say it genuinely she said it as an insult. All over a coors light. Her behavior was so toxic. I am hurt. I can’t believe she hit me.
I want to forgive her but I can’t bring myself to. I really don’t want to talk to her at all. She apologized over text but never in person. I’ve been avoiding her. Tonight, I was in the living room and she turned off the lights , I said don’t turn off the lights I’m in here. She coldly said “I don’t care”.
I need to wait to move out til my meds are stabilized and I saved the money. I’m a good roommate, I help them a lot. I miss living alone.
How do I move on from this? Where do I go from here? What should I say to her?