I know a lot of producers have talked about unsolicited feedback in the past but this post isn't about that. It's about feedback for various projects and feedback that gets requested and given. This also applies equally to original production in many cases.
A good number of mashup producers do not tend to master or don't apply limiters on tracks, or just make them softer compared to commercial levels. When albums get mastered, loudness will usually be adjusted through various plugins (EQ, multiband compressors, limiters, clippers, etc.) to shape masters so that one track is not significantly louder or softer than another especially back-to-back and groups of tracks follow a certain sound.
What this means is that once your softer mashup of -14 or -15 LUFS or softer is amplified to commercial levels in the -7 to -11 LUFS range or more depending on genre and how the overall track should sound given peaks and valleys with softer and louder parts (LUFS stands for loudness units full scale, look that up), small issues may stand out like thorns when amplified. Bottom line: Don't take the small or big issues personally; we're all human, we all miss things, and we can all improve. You may learn something new!
Think of it like how you ask to proofread writing to check for spelling or grammar and have it work for the audience.
All this to say, feedback I give or others give based on small details may come across as nit-picks at first. Don't completely discount them. You never know who will want to play your tracks, and this could range from personal playlists all the way up to DJ gigs and big festival stages.
In the case of a club DJ or performances on festival stages, volumes will be significantly louder than what you may have worked with when you created the track. I've given the restaurant food analogy before but I'll give it again: If something clearly doesn't taste good, people won't usually know why. But an experienced chef who knows how the ingredients interact sure will.
Just something to think about as you improve on mashup production and production in general.
Here are some issues below that experienced mashup producers could point out. Note that a lot of the "don't do this" stuff is really code for "don't do this unless you really know you're doing and it sounds good":

Big issues

• Out of key (OOK): This refers to wrong key signature (e.g. mixing A Minor with B Minor), not blue notes from modes or short moments of modulation. Key rule of thumb: If you're going to use key databases, verify by ear. Tunebat is the least accurate. If you must do so, use a reliable key database like the ones in this post. DJ software can work, but some automatic key detection performs better than others and are far from perfect. Above all, databases are not perfect and some will be far from it, so ears will be the final judge of whether a pairing sounds good.
• Out of tempo/time (OOT): this usually refers to wrong tempo (e.g. mixing a 116 BPM track with a 118 BPM track) or not constant tempo and going out of time. Key rule of thumb: Sync your tracks and if you need to use any form of warping (see Ableton), be prepared to do so.
• Incorrect/bad beat alignment: This is more for when a vocal or element is offbeat enough that it really sticks out as a trainwreck when mixed together
• Wrong beat/out of structure/off structure: This is when a vocal or other element is placed on a beat that doesn't make sense for what it's combined with (e.g. placing the first word of a vocal over an instrumental on beat 2 when it was meant for beat 1). Mileage will vary, sometimes the vocal beat placement only makes sense for the original song and makes less sense on others.
• Distortion from going in the red: This is when the overall mix or elements sound distorted because the volume of each track channel is too loud and either alone or combined goes well above 0 dBFS (a.k.a. into the red). Key rule of thumb: Start your track volumes at -6 dB (not 0 dB) and then adjust to taste. Don't go into the red unless you absolutely know what you're doing.
• Elements way too soft or loud: This is more along the lines of not being able to hear the added vocals or elements at all or they're too loud that you can't hear the other elements in the mix.
• Big mood mismatch: This tends to be less egregious, but if sources don't cooperate at all to a point of completely ruining the vibe, the mashup could stick out like a sore thumb from the start. Mileage will vary, and sometimes your audience would appreciate this especially with genre clashes even to the point of creating memes. But it depends on what you're going for, and sometimes you want consistency for certain albums and groups of tracks.

Smaller issues

• Fifth traps/not picking the right keys to use: This is a specific version of another problem I'll touch on, but this happens when you mix keys fifths or fourths away (e.g. F Major and C Major) and the chord progressions don't cooperate. What makes this a trap is that the pairing might appear to sound good at first glance, but when you look back at what you made, you probably could have made a better sounding pairing if you had just picked sources in key, relative key (e.g. A Minor and C Major), or parallel to the mode type (i.e. A Minor with A Dorian since Dorian is a minor mode). This Berklee Online article is a really good starting point to modes. With modes, mileage will vary.
• Out of progression/blue notes: This can happen when there are short moments where the element clashes on top of other elements (e.g. modes or short moments of different modulation). Sometimes the tracks may not be compatible, but other times it's just a part with notes outside the scale. This can be fixed by doing small note changes, but be careful not to make it too obvious, otherwise it might sound like you're forcing the pairing to work. It may also follow the same theme as fifth traps, where you could have made a better sounding pairing if you had just picked sources in key, relative key (e.g. A Minor and C Major), or parallel to the mode type (i.e. A Minor with A Dorian since Dorian is a minor mode). This Berklee Online article is a really good starting point to modes. With modes, mileage will vary.
• Low quality sources: This happens with YouTube or other rips where the elements are lower quality due to a lower frequency cutoff (YouTube is usually 15.5 kHz for AAC, other platforms may be 15-16 kHz for 128 kbps MP3, etc.). Bottom line: Get the highest quality sources you can, and use Spek or another spectrum analysis software to check rips or record pool sources. Your ears and processing algorithms will thank you. Again, you never know who will listen to or play out your track, could even be a big sound system.
• Stem separation artifacts: This can take several different forms, but can happen when either the invert or stem separation algorithm being used adds noise or other unwanted high end artifacts like high hats that once amplified, will absolutely stand out in a mix. This also includes artifacts from stem separation algorithms like Utagoe which make vocals sound like they're underwater at default settings. Key rule of thumb: Remember that the instrumental and original could be mixed and mastered differently depending on the production environment and how masters spread. If an invert makes a vocal stand out more but just needs extra cleaning, don't be afraid to combine the invert technique (original + instrumental) with stem separation. When using multiple stem separation techniques or using different sources (like remix + remix instrumental), think about how they sound on parts of the instrumental and consider picking the best extraction for a given part; remember that this includes using the original song (this is called comping in the production world). If there are parts of vocals intended to be silent and there are artifacts, don't be afraid to replace the reverb + delay with your own. Keep up to date with stem separation algorithms by keeping up with developments on the Audio Separation Discord server: https://discord.gg/wY3AAaTvHT
• Weird time-stretch and pitch-shift artifacts: This can happen when using a lower quality time-stretch or a time-stretch that can destroy transients/drum hits (Audacity or Elastique Efficient on vocals, older Elastique Pro on full instrumentals) or pitching too much and/or with too much/little formant preserve. The best way to reduce these effects on instrumental is to think about combining stem separation with ways to improve quality (pitch everything BUT the drums unless tonal, experiment with different time stretch methods on different elements, etc.). For too much pitch or formant preserve, either pick sources that are closer in key (+/- 2 semitones is a good rule of thumb) and try to control the amount of formant preservation and/or envelope (in Ableton) to make the vocals sound more natural. Formant preserve is usually a good idea for pitched vocals, but can sound bad for pitched instrumentals especially drums depending on the track.
• Pops or clicks while editing: This tends to happen when elements like vocals are cut off when not at zero volume. Key rule of thumb: Edit to zero crossing and/or use fades to cut off regions or when combining different regions together.
• Flanging, phasing, or flamming while editing: Sometimes these effects are on purpose, but oftentimes when crossfading between different parts of an instrumental, both parts of the edit don't align on beat. Flanging and phasing applies for sample level edits (ms or more), flamming for tenths or hundredths of seconds (e.g. 0.05 sec or 0.1 sec). Flamming is a drumming term for when the same part of the drum kit (usually the snare drum) is hit twice with different sticks at close to but not exactly the same time.
• Vocals or other elements end too suddenly in an edit: You may want to get different vocals to interact with each other or edit out of artifacts from vocal stem separation, but the other vocal (or elements) sound like they were cut off. Key rule of thumb: Have a reverb effect handy, and if you're working in a DAW, take advantage of wet/dry automation and combine the reverb with delay afterwards in the effect chain for vocals and other elements so when you crank up the wet the decay helps fade out the element gracefully.
• Vocals or other elements start too suddenly or out of place when connecting them or transitioning: This also considers getting different vocals or other elements to work together or going to a new part, but refers to a new part using vocals or other elements sounding out of place at the beginning of a region in a transition. Key rule of thumb: Watch your crossfades and when you're in a pinch and want to start the next part gracefully, don't be afraid to use reverse reverb or other effect like a riser to introduce a completely new element or different part in a pinch. Reverse reverb is exactly what it sounds: Adding reverb to a short snippet of an element like a cymbal, vocal note, or pad, and then applying reverse on it. Often this is done by choosing a tonal center to transition into, choosing a small snippet to add reverb to, choosing reverb with a long decay time and big space (usually I do a Cathedral reverb), reversing it, and then carefully aligning the reverse reverb so the end of it hits the beginning of the next region. Whew that was a lot! Tutorials will do this much more justice but this is the general idea.
• Vocals too dry or too wet for the instrumental: Usually this depends on the instrumental's genre. For genres like pop or EDM, vocals tend to have some reverb applied to make them shine. For others like alternative and some classic hip-hop, the reverb might be less or no wet or a completely different type. This issue usually refers to too little reverb (too dry) or too much reverb (too wet). Key rule of thumb: Don't forget to have reverb handy. You might need it. Keep your wet low in the middle of a vocal depending on what you're trying to do (think 3-5% wet or - on the low side
• Vocals or other elements slightly too loud or soft: Self-explanatory, this is usually an issue where elements should be the right volume for elements to work well together.
• Vocals or other elements drowned out/don't gel due to hypercompression: This usually happens when using a vocal not from an EDM, hyperpop, hard rock, or other genre where there is hypercompression but no matter how much volume amount you try elements like vocals don't gel and compete for space in the mid range. Two common techniques take the form of adding more compression to a vocal to stand up to an hypercompressed instrumental and/or reducing mid band EQ of the other source (which could come from sidechaining). For the added compression, it tends to be done with either multiple compressors in series (e.g. two compressors using low threshold + high ratio and high threshold + low ratio) or through various guitar distortion plugins on settings meant for vocals (e.g. Camelcrusher with British Clean or certain presets of OTT). Don't be afraid to experiment.
• Master too loud or soft for the genre: This usually takes the form of using limiters and other effects to make certain tracks too loud for the genre intended, or not using anything at all and the track is too soft for the genre/commercial sound. This can come down to taste, but how a track was produced can affect how loud you master. Mileage will vary; listen to how loud tracks are made and emulate your favorites assuming nothing too egregious.
• Stereo issues: This can happen if there are elements out of phase when trying to combine mono and stereo or applying other effects. It's a bit more difficult to diagnose, but one rule of thumb is to test your overall track on different playback systems (from headphones to big speakers and even your phone or small bluetooth speaker which will effectively test mono depending on the device).

Wow that was a lot and I know it's very overwhelming who don't produce a ton. There might be more issues I didn't mention here, so let me know if there's anything else that could be useful.

When I first started meditating 10 years ago my method was to put myself in a trance like state and then will the spirit of the universe to flow through me, thus connecting to it. I believe the universe is a living being and we are smaller pieces of it. So I also put it out there into the universe telepathically that if it wanted to talk, I'd be listening (by relaxing my brain near the temples). I think I was contacted by NHI and earthlings who also believe they make up a part of a wider living being and so they answered as intermediaries between myself and the universe as a whole.
In the beginning I would meditate before falling asleep and after waking up and was messaged after a couple of weeks of trying. (I'll be referring to myself and others in the following by their first initial.) The first message was "M, this is your Father." I got the feeling this was a different incarnation to my actual father, one that lives on another planet, who was taking ownership of me nonetheless. At least that's the impression that I got. The message came as if a person was talking to me but the voice was skipping the ears and registering straight in the brain. It was very clear.
The second message was (spoken with an accent that sounded European), "M, this is the galactic federation of light."
I talked to them on several occasions in the first couple of years but not that often since then. I have been meditating for 10 years. I do still have visions (usually of people going about their business or meditating themselves). I think they've left me to continue to develop telepathy and other esp on my own. I think they can talk to you at will but prefer you to develop on your own until you can communicate on equal terms.
Three messages stand out, two of them spoken messages and one a visual message (the visual message came to me with my eyes closed).
The first was within a couple of months of me starting to meditate. I was pretty sure the beings I was communicating with were good guys, so I decided to extend the hand of friendship and said to them, "If there's anything you guys or the universe need just ask."
I got a reply within 15 minutes. It was, "We'll hold you to that."
The next day as I was waking up I hear, "M, this is the galactic federation of light. We need you to forgive C."
C was a woman I dated a few times that didn't end well. I don't want to get into specifics but it hurt a bit and bothered me even though it had been a while ago that I dated her. Long story short I think the galactic federation of light was telling me to move on as it was not helping my meditation practice. That's the impression that I got.
The second message that stood out happened about a year after I started meditating. I was working on a boat and the engineer, B, was in a motorcycle club back on the mainland. I think I knew a couple of people who knew him. Any way, we were clashing a bit. After I insulted him on one occasion, I was meditating in bed between work. Most of us were in bed. I had a view to the stairs that lead from the galley to the wheelhouse. B was coming down the stairs. I heard a voice say, "M, this is the galactic federation of light. He is now ready to shoot you." With that I quit and got off the boat.
The third message, the visual one, came to me a few years ago. I was meditating yet again and kind of fed up with it all. I said telepathically, "What am I doing this for." I then saw the words, "Civil war" and a nuclear explosion behind those words in my minds eye. It was very clear. I think they were telling me that if civil war broke out in a nuclear armed country it may go nuclear. Also that meditating helps somehow.
Thanks for reading.

A Muslim man and I (White American woman, not yet reverted, but studying Islam) hooked up and had sex at my place earlier in the month (a mutual decision, clearly desired by him, who admitted to not being perfect in his faith, but “made a plan” for the sex)
All was good, we continued to communicate afterwards, both acknowledging that we wanted to get to know each other more and not just for sex, but because we genuinely liked each other.
2 weeks later, this past Tuesday, we met again and had sex again. This time was way more intense, very heavily passionate with a lot of kissing and hand holding. After, he complimented the moment, and referred to the “next time” we would meet, and encouraged that we keep communicating.
I have not heard from him since. He is reading my messages, but not responding. I am wondering if this is because of regret? Like culturally or religiously?
I really doubt it has anything to do with me personally. Our first sexual encounter was pretty standard, but the second, like I said, was way more intense. I think the hand holding and heavy kissing may have been a bit much for him.
Any ideas of what might have caused the ghosting?
TYIA

The article will show analogies between Domain-Driven Design and mathematical modeling

Mathematical modeling

Students are introduced to mathematical modeling in a school. Roughly speaking, it is the translation of a problem from informal human language into the language of mathematics for subsequent solution.
(1) John and Bob ate three apples at dinner. John ate twice as many as Bob. How much did each eat?
(2) Let x be the number of apples that John ate Let y is the number of apples that Bob ate.
Then: (3) x + y = 3 x = 2 * y
Solving the system of linear equations:
x = 2, y = 1
(1) - problem statement in the domain area (2) - mathematical modeling (3) - mathematical model
Another example from the world of physics - we need to calculate how much fuel is needed to fly to the Moon and back. There are Newton's Laws of motion of celestial bodies, there are data on fuel, the vehicle, the mass of the Earth, the Moon, the Sun, the calculated trajectory and other information.
The whole power of the mathematical apparatus is the absence of semantics. It doesn't care whether it's counting apples or the trajectory of a rocket. It is a formalized system that operates with soulless symbols according to established rules. Arithmetic has its own rules, algebra has its own rules, Euclidean geometry has its own rules.
The achievements of the natural sciences depend on how accurately and completely they construct mathematical models for their problems. If the mass of the moon is not specified, it will be impossible to give an answer to the above problem. On the other hand, if the proposed trajectory is mathematically unattainable, physicists will have to change it.
A mathematical model is a general projection of the problem to be solved from the physics side and the math side into some "common" space.

Domain-driven design

This methodology was proposed 20 years ago by Eric Evans in his famous “big blue book”: Domain-Driven Design: Tackling Complexity in the Heart of Software
For many, DDD is when if you are, for example, making an online store, you must have Product, ShoppingCart, etc. classes, i.e., entities in the code must correspond to business entities. This is not really about DDD.
The main goal that Eric Evans set when creating his methodology was to enable you to create a program architecture in such a way that you can satisfy the client's requirements with maximum probability and build a clear, maintainable and extensible system. Get a quality and successful program product.

Comparison of design methods

DDD is mainly aimed at complex non-typical tasks with vague/varying requirements, to minimize the risks of spending a lot of time and money and not getting something usable in the end.
In cascade development (waterfall), the client gives clear requirements to the business analyst, the system architecture is built according to them, and programmers make code according to it.
In agile development (agile, XP, iterative) the client gives general requirements, a prototype of the system architecture is built on them, programmers make code on it, the system is shown to the client, corrections are made, the next version is released, etc. in a circle.
In case of DDD the joint work between domain area specialists and programmers goes all the time of development. The link between them is the domain model and ubiquitous language. For the first few chapters of the book, Eric Evans talks only about them and their importance.
The main point of the domain model is to be a constant projection of the problem being solved from the client side and the developer side into some common space. Everything in the domain model should be reflected in the program architecture. And vice versa - if a programmer discovers that some business rule cannot be applied or it is better to do it differently, he is obliged to open a discussion about it and initiate changes in the domain model, without making attempts to simply code it in “the right way”.
The domain model itself lacks semantics, it is written using UML diagrams and formal documentation. Semantics is given to it by a ubiquitous language in which the whole team (including the client) communicates. Each term of the domain model must be understood equally by all participants.

Parallels

Analogy to the space flight example above: - math model = domain model - physics = ubiquitous language - mathematical apparatus = software development - mathematical modeling = domain model development process
From this we can draw the corollary that just as in the first case, mathematicians' deviation from the supplied mathematical model will easily lead to wrong/unnecessary results, so in the second case, developers' deviation from the domain model can lead to failure in the end.

In his book, Eric Evans gives the following real-life example. Internet Explorer used to save “Favorites” as files with names corresponding to page names. When the user tried to specify his name, he sometimes got an error “Invalid file name”, although it was not obvious what files had to do with it. This was because the developers were using their own model and the client wanted something different.

Summary

Thus, there is a strong idea of mathematical modeling behind DDD

This is for us normies who don’t want to sift through a hundred youtube videos just to figure out basic information that should be readily available. This guide is designed for people who are new to modding.
This LLO follows Brxsie’s model. For more detailed info on categorization refer to their reddit post.
You can leave out any mod on this list that you don’t want except for USSEP.
Key:
*= my personal notes explaining what a mod does or why I added it
e.g. = extra examples of popular mods that should be placed in that category
Blurb
(skip this section if you want the quick version of this post)
Hi everyone; I’m not a modder nor a PC player, but I was desperate to figure out how to safely load my game with reasonable lore-friendly updates. Every LLO guide I’ve found so far has either been outdated, contradictory to other sources, does not specify which mods fall under what category, is way too vague, or way too specific. The mods I’ve listed here should be easily searchable on the recently updated Xbox creations menu so that any Xbox player can easily copy this list. Originally, I was just recording my LLO for my own personal use, but I figured this could help people who don’t have the time to put in as much research as I have.
If you are brand new to modding, vanilla+ means that you want to stay faithful to the original game as much as possible while upgrading the look of your Skyrim world and making a few convenient tweaks. The least “true to the original game” mod on this list is convenient horses. In my experience so far, this LLO plays just as smoothly as vanilla Skyrim.
Unless I wrote a note next to the mod stating otherwise, all of these mods are independent of one another, except for: divine atmosphere, divine atmosphere snowflake edit, and realistic snowflakes. If you like the ugly fractal snowflakes in divine atmosphere then don’t bother with the other two mods, but if not, you need the vanilla snowflake edit and the snowflake texture mod to go together. Therefore, you can leave out any mod on this list that you don’t want except for USSEP), and the game will function normally.
To customize settings of mods while in-game, go to magic -> powers. “Equip” the mod you want to change and press RB once out of the menu. This is relevant to divine atmospheres, divine interiors, flute finder, convenient horses, and some dialogue mods.
Most mods on this list can be downloaded or deleted safely while playing a pre-existing save file. Deleting mods become problematic when you have already added and interacted with a custom item to the game and then delete the mod that supported the item. When testing new mods, I suggest only adding a few at a time so that you know what to delete if you encounter any issues.
If you are reading this on a laptop or PC, you can press command/control F to search for keywords of the mods you want to install to find where they belong in the LLO.
Personally, my favorite mods that I’ve added to the game are the dialogue mods and the texture mods. They make Skyrim feel like a real world with real people living in it and I would highly suggest using some or all of them. I’d also love to hear everyone’s suggestions on proposed edits to this load order. Please let me know if you are aware of any conflicting mods or bugs, or if I have made any mistakes in my layperson's explanation of techy stuff. Unsure if this is relevant information, but I’m located in the USA.
Extra notes:
What the heck is a leveled list? A leveled list is a change in the code that makes changes to certain values. Such as changing how much gold a character has or how powerful an enemy is.
And what exactly is an area edit? An area edit is any mod that adds or significantly changes a location in the game. This includes adding extra trees, adding extra smelters, or adding custom player homes that do not exist in vanilla, among other things.
Why are there all of these categories and why is it so complicated? LLO sorts mods so that the game can load the most important files first. When LLO is not followed, the game will inevitably crash. Categories allow us to sort mods into the LLO based on how they interact with the game's code. People sometimes disagree on what order to put the categories in, but all LLO templates use the same basic categories.
I do not use immersive citizens AI because multiple people have reported bugs. Other people have no issues with it, but I prefer to stay on the safe side.
Remember to lower your in-game brightness, especially when you are using divine interiors and divine atmospheres. If the brightness is all the way up, things will start to glow. You will have to use torches in locations with zero light, such as corners in caves. This adds a realistic feel to the game. If you give a torch to your follower, they will automatically use it in in low-light conditions. I switch between default/glimmegrim/vivid depending on where I am and how colorful I want things to be. The game may look darker overall as you can see in the screenshots, but this is more true to how lighting works in the real world.
Skyrim 101 tip: When you ditch items to reduce your carry weight, store them somewhere (such as a dead body or a chest) instead of dropping them on the ground. If you drop items all over your game it will eventually lag.
When creating a new character, keep in mind that once you start playing, you might change the lighting and make the colors more saturated. For example: I accidentally gave myself yellow hair instead of natural blonde because I forgot about lighting and atmosphere changes. This is another reason to install the vanity mirror mod, which allows you to change your character mid-game.
Storage space: all of the mods I have listed here take up approximately 4.36GB.
I suggest keeping a note of your LLO on your phone so that you can easily categorize mods you want to add the future.
Sometimes LLO will not save, so I recommend double-checking that everything landed in the right spot or backing up your LLO to bethesda before exiting the LLO menu.
Sometimes you need to restart your game to enable a newly installed mod.
How to delete a complex mod without causing problems: disable the mod, hard reset (hold power button for 10 secs or unplug the console), uninstall the mod, hard reset.
I’ve noticed a bug where I cannot tell my follower (Lydia) to do anything in “command mode”. I don’t know what’s causing this- it seems like a dialogue issue but I rarely use the command mode feature anyway so it’s small enough for me to ignore for now. Let me know if you find out what's causing this!
*Blurb over\*
Master Files

• Unofficial skyrim special edition patch (USSEP) *almost every source says that this must be installed. It fixes core bugs in the game that developers have not bothered to update themselves

Foundations: Lots of game changes (e.g. cheat room, encounters overhaul, etc.)

• Convenient horses *allows you to summon your horse from anywhere, store items on your horse, give followers horses, etc.

Dialogue Overhauls

• Guard dialogue overhaul
• Follower commentary overhaul
• Misc dialogue edits and more
• Relationship dialogue overhaul

Fonts/UI (excluding map mods)

• Font replacer - eadui

Alterations to vanilla quests
Any craftable item

• Vanity Mirror *this is to fix the makeup bug where your lips are off center when you create your character. I have not tested this yet, but apparently if you open up the customization menu with the vanity mirror then the makeup will work again. Cheat room also works for the makeup issue, but I didn’t want so many extra cheats in my game just to fix this one ridiculous bug
• Get no more dead followers *functionally turns off friendly fire for followers

Game mechanic changes: races, perks, vampires, adoptions, etc.

• Flute finder - a skyrim gps tracker for npcs *this is because I always lost my followers in vanilla and it was super annoying
• Multiple Marriages *haven’t tested this yet so cannot vouch for its effectiveness
• Auto unequip ammo *unequips arrows when you uneauip your bow so that you’re not always walking around with a sheath on your back

Level Progression (e.g. Clever leveling)
Perk overhauls/changes
Magic additions and modifications

• Master of Destruction (xb1) *adds new high level spells that target specific characters instead of killing everyone in the area
• Mining spell *I hate carrying a stupid pickaxe everywhere, so this spell mines for you. I haven't tested this mod yet though

Leveled list changes (e.g. rebalanced leveled lists)

• Better gold *adds slightly more gold when looting specific high level enemies
• Master trader 1x *this replenishes merchant gold each time you speak to them

NPC Leveled list (e.g. organized bandits in skyrim)
Any audio

• Chapter II - Jeremy Soule inspired music *Jeremy Soule composed the original game soundtrack. This adds a few hours of similar sounding music that blend in with the game

Weather and Atmosphere (put weather up ^ in LLO if the mod is just a weather mod and not an atmosphere mod)

• Divine Atmosphere: Aetherius *my favorite setting is vivid or grim
• Divine Atmosphere: Aetherius vanilla snowflakes option
• Ultra realistic snow flakes (custom snowflake texture) *if searching for this mod, search for “snow flakes” instead of “snowflakes”

Grass
Grass Fixes
Skin/skeleton physics and appearance changes

• pristine vanilla movement
• XP32 maximum skeleton special edition plus *changes some physics for smoother movement

Animation mods

• 360 walk and run *at first I put this in the gameplay mechanics category, but it did not work there. In the animation category it works as intended

Meshes and Textures
*The mods I’ve listed in this section should cover almost every visual in the game. Nothing is too drastic of a style change and fits right in to the game’s vibe.

• Wear multiple rings *this mod is more useful for stacking enchantments rather than pure aesthetics. Not necessary if you want a more vanilla game
• Divine texture pack - architecture
• Dark ages: fantasy dungeons
• Dark ages: dragon Textures
• Divine creatures texture pack
• Omen armors weapons and clothing *I highly recommend this one!
• Fluffy snow
• Dark ages - landscapes
• Divine skins and bodies for men *misleading name: this is actually unisex. Make sure this goes above^ divine people otherwise you might experience an occasional face glitch. This must be used along with divine people in order to work correctly
• Granite mountains *another mod I highly recommend
• Dark Ages: Trees of the north
• Divine SMIM *Static mesh improvement mod. SMIM mods redesign lots of small items in the game
• Lucidaps’ high poly project v5.x *This corrects blocky items to make things look more realistic. It cooperates with the SMIM to create beautifully textured and realistic item designs, such as the ridiculously good looking head of cabbage

Non-combat NPC AI
Immersion (e.g. immersive patrols, landlord etc.) - can be tricky to categorize
Anything that changes a character’s/npc face or hair (e.g natural eyes)

• Divine people of skyrim: celestial *For more vanilla/gritty looking people, try the dark ages texture pack. Both divine people and dark ages people mods must be paired with its corresponding skins mod, otherwise the textures will get cut off at the neck due to mismatching colors

Interior lighting changes

• Divine interiors shadows and light *my favorite setting is glimmer or default if the game looks too oversaturated because of the lighting. I highly recommend this mod, it makes the game feel much richer

Interior decorating changes
Lightweight multiple area edits

• Unique bridges of skyrim
• Divine forests
• Get more smelters *haven’t tested this extensively but I don’t foresee any issues since it doesn’t interfere with anything big

Single area edits like player homes
Multiple area edits (e.g. divine cities)
*I do not recommend divine cities or divine villages because it can be buggy. One time Lydia got permanently stuck in a modded tavern and I had to backtrack through an hour of progress to get her back out
Adding individual unique objects

• Auto Harvest Ring *because I like alchemy but hate picking flowers. Equipping this ring automatically harvests ingredients in range. Just remember to ditch the cabbages to reduce your carry weight

Combat changes, combat AI (e.g. realistic damage, wildcat)

• Dark ages: immersive dragon ai
• Better stealth ai for followers *followers will not start fighting automatically while you are trying to be sneaky

Unique follower mods (e.g. Sofia)
Mods that add new quests (mods that alter vanilla quests do not go here)

• More to say 9.0.2 *this dialogue mod is here because it adds new quests. The other dialogue mods I’ve added are less consequential and simply add a little immersion. I’m unsure if this conflicts with the other dialogue mods

Map mods

• A quality world map - vivid with stone roads *map mods use up VRAM and many people recommend against using them. I’m not a tech person, so forgive me if this isn’t accurate, but VRAM is similar to regular RAM. This means you can reset VRAM if you hard restart your console. If you are playing with tons of heavyweight mods all the time then maybe you should skip map mods, however in this LLO I have not noticed any FPS changes at all and personally, it’s worth it to me to hard restart the console every once in a while so that I can keep this mod. Source for the tech info (posted Oct. 2023) - https://www.xboxforums.com/threads/ram-and-vram.24007/
• Pastel map markers *Can you tell I like organizing? Color coding the map makes it more readable and gives locations a touch more personality

Mods that specify bottom LO

Exploration of an Innovative K-12 School Curriculum and Pedagogical Approaches
Before going over the curriculum we must first discuss how to best teach. All of the following methods outlined below are what would I would suggest be use to teach the students trying to use just one or even just two of these would not be enough and would compromise the students learning and education
Teaching Methods
Project-Based Learning (PBL): In PBL, students work on a project over an extended period, which could be a week or a month, to respond to a complex question, problem, or challenge. The projects are usually multi-disciplinary and require students to apply what they've learned in a practical manner. This allows them to see the immediate applicability of their learning.
Inquiry-Based Learning: This is a form of active learning that starts by posing questions, problems, or scenarios—rather than simply presenting established facts or portraying a smooth path to knowledge. Students are involved in the construction of their learning. They engage with the material, participate in the class, and collaborate with each other.
Gamification: Incorporating elements of game design in education can make learning fun and engaging. This can involve point systems, leaderboards, badges, or other game mechanics.
Experiential Learning: This method involves learning by doing and reflecting on the experience. It can include internships, study abroad programs, field trips, laboratory experiments, or any other hands-on learning experiences.
Flipped Classroom: In a flipped classroom, students review lecture materials at home and do their 'homework' in class, where they can ask for help as they practice new skills and apply new knowledge. This allows teachers to spend class time helping students apply what they've learned and coaching them as they work through challenges.
Cross-Disciplinary Projects: By integrating different disciplines into a single project, you can make the learning experience more holistic and interconnected, much like how the knowledge of different magical disciplines would combine in a fantasy setting.
Competency-Based Learning: In this educational model, students advance upon mastering a skill or a competency. This encourages active utilization of knowledge and immediate feedback, similar to how a magic student might advance only after successfully casting a particular spell.
Now that we have given a basic outline of the teaching styles we can go over the curriculum for K-12 the idea would be to Have an A/B day schedule and some classes would meet less frequently because they don't take much time to cover everything, all of this will be done in order to create well rounded students, people and citizens. They are not only creative in nature, but leaders in their own right as well as capable of doing whatever they desire and succeeding wildly
Core Curriculum Classes:
STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Art, Mathematics): must Ensure these subjects are covered both within the integrated curriculum (like coding in math, cooking in science, history in art, etc.) and as standalone classes to develop depth of knowledge.
Memory Techniques & Knowledge Management Techniques: Using an Integrated code based system with AI tools to help teacher track progress and provide more targeted assistance as well as help students with how to effectively organize and manage knowledge, covering basic note-taking, the PARA/CODE system. Using AI to provide semi interactive sessions that not only explain how memory works but also actively encourage the practice of using the note taking method & memory techniques
Project-Based Learning: Encourage practical application of knowledge through project-based learning. Gamification & Experiential Learning: Use these techniques to make learning more engaging and fun.
Flipped Classroom & Inquiry-Based Learning: Encourage independent learning and critical thinking through these teaching methods.
Elementary School: Coding & Digital Literacy: Introduce basic coding principles using visual coding platforms. Begin teaching about online safety and basic cybersecurity. Financial Literacy: Teach basic concepts like the value of money, saving, and spending. Potential to introduce the use of real currency and creating student based economy Community Service: Arrange class-based community projects and encourage involvement in community service outside of school. Gardening & Cooking: Teach students about plants, nutrition, and basic cooking skills through a school garden. Literacy & Reading: Develop a reading program that exposes students to a variety of genres. Writing can begin with simple sentences. History: Teach history from a holistic and critical perspective, exploring different cultures and perspectives. Basic Medicine & First Aid: Introduce simple health, hygiene, and basic first aid skills. Physical Education: Encourage a love for physical activity through a variety of engaging games. Emotional Regulation & Healthy Relationships with Technology: Incorporate social-emotional learning and healthy technology use. Leadership: Begin fostering leadership qualities through group activities and responsibility sharing. Self-Defense: Introduce basic safety rules and personal boundaries. Spanish: Introduce basic Spanish vocabulary and phrases, along with exposure to the culture of Spanish-speaking countries. Songs, games, and interactive activities can be used to make learning enjoyable.
Middle School: Coding, Digital Literacy & Practical Engineering: Continue coding education and introduce robotics and basic electronics. Financial Literacy: Start teaching about budgeting, banking, and simple concepts of earning. Potential to introduce the use of real currency and creating student based economy Community Service: Encourage students to plan and lead community service projects, either in groups or individually. Gardening & Cooking: Progress in gardening and cooking skills, introducing sustainability issues. Literacy, Reading, & Writing Skills: Increase complexity of reading and writing assignments. History: Provide more in-depth history education using primary sources and interpretations. Basic Medicine & First Aid: Offer a more detailed course on first aid and health. Physical Education: Introduce a range of physical activities, sports, and body awareness topics. Emotional Regulation & Healthy Relationships with Technology: Develop emotional intelligence skills, mindfulness practices, and education about responsible technology use. Leadership: Teach various leadership styles and emphasize group projects requiring delegation and decision-making. Self-Defense: Continue with more practical self-defense techniques. Study of Government: Begin a foundational study of the local and national government. Teach students about the branches of government, their roles, and how laws are made. Spanish: Continue to build on vocabulary and grammar learned in elementary school. Introduce simple written exercises and encourage basic conversation in Spanish.
High School: Coding, Digital Literacy & Practical Engineering: Offer advanced coding and practical engineering classes, including topics like 3D modeling and advanced electronics.Teach more advanced cybersecurity concepts and ethics of digital communication Gardening & Cooking: As elective courses, delve into advanced topics like food science or agricultural technology. Literacy, Reading, & Writing Skills: Offer a variety of literature courses, creative writing classes, and research-based writing. History: Teach history as a dynamic and interpretive subject, encouraging critical thinking. Basic Medicine & First Aid: Include more advanced first aid, mental health awareness, and basic human anatomy and physiology. Physical Education: Offer a range of athletic options, and include education about exercise science and long-term health benefits. Emotional Regulation & Healthy Relationships with Technology: Provide resources for emotional regulation, advanced mindfulness techniques, and in-depth discussions about technology's role in society. Leadership: Delve deeper into conflict resolution, strategic planning, and ethical leadership, often through real-world applications. Financial Literacy: Start teaching about budgeting, banking, and simple concepts of earning. Potential to encourage student to start their own business or get a job and have students buy things from each other Self-Defense/Mixed Martial Arts: For interested students, offer elective classes in mixed martial arts, fostering physical and mental skills. Study of Government: Expand on knowledge from middle school and introduce international government systems. Discuss the concepts of democracy, socialism, and other forms of government. Involve students in mock debates and simulations, like Model United Nations or Mock Parliament. Study of Politics: Begin a course on political science, covering key political ideologies, parties, and political processes. Discuss current events and involve students in debates and discussions to encourage critical thinking. Creating Change: Introduce a course on social activism and creating change. This can involve studying historical movements for change, understanding how to effect change within a legal framework, learning about peaceful protest, and planning and implementing a small-scale change project within the school or community. Spanish: Continue to deepen knowledge of Spanish. Encourage advanced conversation and written exercises. Students could read Spanish literature or news and discuss in class, fostering language skills and cultural understanding.
This kind of curriculum would be nearly the best, being interdisciplinary, hands-on, and centered around the interests and needs of the students. It would aim to not only equip students with the knowledge and skills they need to succeed in the world, but also ignite their passion for learning and encourage them to continue learning throughout their lives.
But before we’re done one last thing must be covered. How to assess a student's growth because science shows that paper tests are not suited for the task. There are many innovative ways to assess student understanding and skills without relying solely on traditional exams. The methods that could be used include Assessment Methods
Portfolios: Students could compile portfolios of their work, which could include code they've written, projects they've completed, or essays they've written. A portfolio allows students to demonstrate their learning process, their progress over time, and their ability to apply what they've learned in different contexts.
Presentations: Students can demonstrate their understanding of a topic by presenting on it. This could involve presenting a project they've completed, explaining a concept to the class, or debating a topic with classmates.
Peer and Self-Assessment: Students can learn a lot from assessing each other's work or their own work. This can help them develop a better understanding of the assessment criteria and improve their ability to critically evaluate work.
Performance Assessment: In subjects like self-defense, physical education, cooking, or gardening, students could be assessed based on their performance. This could involve demonstrating a technique, completing a task, or participating in a game or competition.
Reflective Journals: Students could maintain journals where they reflect on what they've learned, how they've applied it, and what they still want to understand better. This can give teachers insight into a student's thought process and their understanding of the subject.
Project-Based Assessment: Students can be assessed on the projects they complete, whether individually or in groups. This allows students to demonstrate a range of skills, including knowledge of the subject, problem-solving, creativity, and teamwork.
Community Service Assessment: In addition to the other assessments, teachers can assess students' community service involvement, their planning and leadership skills, as well as their reflections on their experiences.
The emphasis of Knowledge Management Techniques and Memory Techniques in core classes as a standalone session every day would ideally give students a break from traditional instruction and allow them to process and manage their learnings. This can be in the form of group discussions, independent reflection time, or guided activities for planning and organizing their work.

This is a 50-50 between a rant and explanation of my scenario in order for more experienced members of this sub to give me advice.

I am 19 and I really enjoy programming. I am not in CS because its lucrative, I genuinely love the Idea that a hobby I’ve had for 4 years is something I can do as a job. I learned to program properly (i.e. not basic python taught at school) during lockdown and have written code at least a couple times a week since then. My personal projects are mostly basic physics sims written in c# or c++, but I have dabbled with at least 5 other languages. I also compete (and sometimes do well in) hackathons.

I currently work as a software developer degree apprentice at a large finance company, with the degree being provided by a decent (top 25) uni. This apprenticeship is quite sought after, 6^th form careers team recommended I take it over places top 5 unis, and many people at my school were very excited for me when I received the offer.
· This position was advertised as a “software developer degree apprenticeship”
· The description specifically talked about learning coding
· Apprenticeships often have a big centralised hiring scheme, so in initial interviews when I asked about what technologies I would be using I was told what the company used in general (I got an answer like “AWS” or “we have quite a lot of java”)
· In my final stage interview I asked what programming languages I would be likely to use I was told something along the lines of “technically the programming language we use is Java, but we use [insert low code CRM platform]”

It is now obvious to me that at the time I should have thoroughly researched [insert low code CRM platform] and decided to take a position at a good uni, or a different, less prestigious apprenticeship. However, at the time I was a dumb 17 year old, about to take my A levels and ecstatic that such a “big” and “important” company was going to take me on.
I am now 10 months into the apprenticeship and there are definitely positives. My degree is interesting and costs me nothing, there is opportunity to learn and upskill, and I get pretty decent salary. As far as my actual role goes it isn’t great.
· I work on a monolithic, antiquated application, with GUI and drag and drop tools that have 3 seconds of input delay in a low code development environment that actually encourages antipatterns. Documentation is lacklustre
· The people I work with are all offshore. My final stage interview was with the tech lead and project manager. Anybody I actually talk to on a day to day basis speaks English to the level of a 7 year old. Many meetings I feel as if anything useful I add is counteracted by the fact everyone else has to speak broken English for me to understand, which slows everything down to a crawl
· All changes and communication trickles through 100 bureaucratic processes. A lot of the application could optimised and made much cleaner, and the devs know this, but for each hour of development there are 5 hours meetings, show and tells, approval requests etc.
· My company and apprenticeship both require frequent progress reviews, with a lot of input from my managers etc. I get really stressed about this since my managers are always really busy and take nagging to do these things, but if I don’t nag them it reflects badly on me. My last quarterly review my functional lead literally made up all of my targets and review on the spot. My manager was then unhappy that I hadn’t logged them on the review portal.
I really felt like after I finished 6^th form this degree apprenticeship would be a something enjoyable and valuable to future employers. I am not enjoying it (you can probably tell) and it will only be valuable to people employing me to do something I don’t enjoy. I really feel stuck because:
· If I drop out I am liable to repay my tuition
· I have no degree, so CS jobs will just reject me
· I can’t begin another CS apprenticeship since I am already partway through one
· If I finish this apprenticeship, I will essentially be applying to jobs as someone with a degree from a mid uni, rather than a top 5 uni along with thousands of hours of extra projects under my belt
· Re applying to uni is a massive hassle, and seems like a waste of time since I would be repeating 2 years
· All my colleagues are 10+ years older than me and I don’t feel like there is anyone I can talk too or anyone who can relate to the position I am in.
· I feel like a massive idiot knowing I literally chose this
· I am scared to tell anyone that I am unhappy. All my friends/family/girlfriend just think wow OP is doing well for someone his age.

If anyone has any advice, whether it be regarding any other options I have, ways to work better in corporate environment (I literally feel like a child), or anything I could to better my position please let me know.
I may post this in degreeapprenticeships but I think this sub is much more relevant.

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after her asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

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Hello, Life users.
I am 19 years old and I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff. It's over. I graduated last year. It's done. This is REAL LIFE. And I need to pack my shit up or get stepped on.
For reference, I am enrolled and WAS attending CC (community college) for fashion apparel design for two semesters. However I recently switched over to a/v technology and film (at the same CC). I didn't bother going to class the last month of this recently finished semester as it was too late to drop my fashion classes even with the conscious thought that it was going to impact my overall GPA. I absolutely love creating. I love using my old handycam and I love editing. I am currently writing a script that I can hopefully pitch to big producers in 15-20 years. In the meanwhile I plan to upgrade my camera equipment and my scriptwriting abilities. HOWEVER...
I feel like I've reached a point where I need to make a very, very, serious and adult decision. I feel the pressure now more than ever- the pressure to make money. I have a job already. I work at Walmart as a cashier making 14/hr, bringing home roughly $750-$850 every 2 weeks. However, I help my mom pay some bills at home and that essentially kills about 1/2 of my check every 2 weeks. I also pay my own gas and take care of my own expenses.. I know I can put my skills to better areas and possibly earn even more money. I'm a quick learner and with enough devotion I know I can master other things. So with that being said, for the past two weeks I've practically lived in my head and thought of 2-3 possibilities to reach my goals in life and make more money as a 19 year old. I want to eventually move to LA and begin my filming career.
Possibility 1: Join a trade in demand. I would become an apprentice electrician and roughly earn 17-20/hr here in Dallas, my home. However, I'd still like to attend CC for my a/v tech and film classes. The only problem is, a trade like that would take up an immense amount of time and I seriously doubt I could attend my classes while working as an apprentice. I had to move campuses because the nearest campus to me did not offer A/V tech & film classes.
However, since I'd be earning more $$$ as an apprentice. I can divert my funds into better equipment while still helping my mom pay the bills. I can make short films and earn experience, however if I cannot attend my classes, I could lose out on curriculum-based learning and networking.
Possibility 2: Continue working at Walmart and attend the a/v tech and film classes. This possibility is essentially what I would do if I changed nothing about my life and continued with my due course. I can keep shooting videos and perhaps shoot a few short films with more spare time. Additionally, with more camera equipment and learnt skills I can start branching out in Dallas where I know some businesses could use a videographer + editor. I can go based off my own prices and maybe start making a second income. Another skill besides electricity that I have been interested in picking up is coding/programming. Which brings us into possibility 3.
Possibility 3: If I don't include learning coding/programming into Possibility 2, then this final possibility is dedicated to it.
With possibility 3 I have the highest chance of burning out since: I'll be picking up a trade. Working as a videographer and honing my skills while writing scripts and shooting short films. And learning coding/programming.
I'm not a superhero. Nobody is. But I know possibility 3 is, obviously, a possibility. People have done it why can't I? But I must move wisely, and I always try to seek advice.
So, Life what do you recommend for a young guy like me? Should I go over the edge of this cliff?

His and and I have been married 10 years, have 3 young children. We’ve been having problems for a while. We’ve never communicated well. We hardly ever resolve the real issues, so they come up over and over in different fights. The past 9 years of our marriage I was making all the sacrifices to help him in his career, from day 1. Helped him through school, helped him get his firm started, and especially always took on the responsibilities of taking care of our kids, even as newborns alone. I took care of our home and everything so he didn’t have anything to worry about except his job. I also worked from home to cover my expenses and more. I built up resentment over the years because he was so focused on his career. There were issues of him not being emotionally available to me, not showing attention, me being lonely, the usual housewife stuff.D come home and sit in front of the TV while I was running around chasing kids in the evening. Last year in October I finally start my own business. I had been doing research and planning from the start of the year. And I finally started working on it. It has kept me very busy since that time til now. I had talks with him about me becoming busier and me not able to do as I was doing before. I thought he was happy but his attitude said otherwise. He never asked me how my business is going, he kept referring to it as a project, and he was constantly pouting about how I don’t have time for him. I finally stopped fussing about attention and connecting and now he’s s doing it. He hasn’t done a single thing to change this. He doesn’t make plans or ask me to spend time doing anything. He just expects me to come sit with him in front of the TV. It’s not my thing and I’d much rather be engaged in something else. Last two weeks we have been butting heads a lot. We had a fight yesterday and this morning he gets up and leaves early. I get an email basically saying he’s done with me and the marriage and he wants a divorce. He’s moving his stuff out tonight and he attached a divorce decree. He came home later packed all his stuff and he’s gone. I don’t know where or any other details right now. I’m sad and in a sense relieved. I love him but our marriage has been causing me so much stress. I know we haven’t been connecting for a while, I feel it too. But I also feel like I was out of options. I don’t know if I’m ready for this. Just need some advice or words of encouragement.

Me and my boyfriend got together near the beginning of this year, and have only been together for around three months. I've had a couple of boyfriends before him, and they were pretty healthy relationships; none of them ever put their hands on me with harmful intent, none of them ever got their heads turned or were disloyal. Just ended due to me moving away for university / moving to another town.
But this one, he does, (kind of?) he has never punched me, or slapped me, never directly hurt me. But he has done some pretty scary things. It started small, the first thing was a shove. A light shove when I was doing my makeup, it meant almost nothing to me. He apologised profusely and said it wouldn't happen again. I'm worrying because, at one point I could list all of the times he touched me in a harmful way. But now only the first instance and the worst instance stick out. It has happened so many times. The worst in my opinion was when I was sick, we were arguing, I was sitting up in bed with an ice lolly to soothe my throat. He grabbed it from me, squished it in his hand and threw it in my face. Then a little later, pulled me out of the bed and onto the floor because 'I wasn't listening to him'. I was just trying to go to sleep as I felt sick, and didn't want to continue the argument.
He always says that his reasoning for grabbing me, grabbing my phone, pulling me out of bed etc. is because I start arguments and never want to continue them. I do see what he means, I bring up something that bothers me and then I get scared when it gets heated, and so I back down, or try to stop talking about it. I realise the 'reassurance' I will get at the end of it isn't worth feeling afraid to get hurt, or pouring my heart out to someone who later will make fun of me with his friends. (I've seen messages of this happening, and now whenever I open up to him I feel so stupid. I struggle through it to communicate for the sake of saving the relationship. I love him, I don't want to start fresh. He is the only thing that makes this town feel like home, can you blame me?)
The main incidents I bring up are: him downloading Tinder and arranging to sleep with someone else after an argument (he responds with, I never went through with it, I thought it was over, even though we were still texting at the time, joking with eachother on good terms in my opinion). I also want to mention that this argument wasn't even an argument. He called me his ex's name and I got hurt, said I needed space and time to heal. My mindset the whole time was 'it will get better, we can get through this' and his seemed to be 'I'm going to sleep with someone else to hurt her'. And it worked. I'm so hurt. Whenever we have sex now I can't concentrate because I worry I'm not enough. I still do have sex with him, but I go to the bathroom or hide in bed and I cry afterwards. I can't get turned on, or wet, sex always hurts me because I just think about how he would throw me away in a heartbeat for a Tinder hookup. I cry when I see myself in the mirror, I used to love how I looked. I was popular in secondary school, sixth form and people tell me I am typically attractive, but nothing can explain the disgust I feel when I see myself now. I hate my hair, my face, my body. It wasn't enough to keep him loyal, to keep him from telling his girl bestfriend all of my family issues, to keep him from mocking me saying 'Did you get hit recently' referring to my bad relationship with my dad. It hurts me so badly, I'm sitting near him now, my eyes are watering and my heart is aching. I hate feeling this way.
But I don't want to leave him. I'm newly estranged, I have almost no friends left because I spend all of my time with him, and I'm just overall really down mentally. I also fear that, because of the Tinder situation, he will move on really quickly and forget all about me. I know he will talk about me in a horrible way with his girl best friend as I've seen these things happen before. I'm terrified, because I do love him a lot, I'm quite attached by this point. I don't want to break up because I'm scared of all of the horrible things he will say to people. People I will never be able to explain my side of the story to, people that see pictures of me and think, 'what a bitch, what an overbearing, exhausting bitch'. He knows so much about me, he knows about my childhood, my entire estrangement process, my family problems, my medical issues, I trusted him. I still trust him. But part of me knows this can't be good. The thought of him with someone else kills me. But I know straight after we break up he will be sleeping around, probably comparing me to these girls he meets. I know I never was his type, he constantly insulted me and my appearance. He told me I have weak hair, he uses 'white girl' as an insult when we argue, and he's said to his friends how he 'wants a Latina'. I know I'm not enough for him, but I know the pain of breaking up will crush me. I'm scared I won't come back from it. I know I won't move on fast, I won't even be able to love anyone for a long time. This is what scares me, if we break up, I feel like I'm losing someone I love, and I'll have to think of him sleeping with other people whilst I sit in my room, crying and listening to our playlist.

<>
/uw hi! this is my first (and probably not only?) lorepost as Monarch! this is mainly gonna be written in the third person, so out of character, and with bits of dialogue. enjoy! /rw
Monarch was born into royalty. The royal family of Cascadia, to be exact. His mother and father were kind people, and harsh but fair rulers. Together, they ruled over all of Cascadia, commanding armies, ruling their people, and taking care of Monarch, their only son. For 17 years, all was peaceful.
Until the Federation, a global superpower, began using Cascadian resources to wage war on their enemies. The rulers didn't like this, so they attempted to withdraw from the Federation, rescinding their membership. And when the people heard of this....
Suddenly, Monarch, a young adult, still technically a child, was escorted from the castle, the place he had been all his life, to go to an unknown, secure place. As he was rushed from the castle, an explosion went off behind as planes had begun to fly overhead. One message was clear; The monarchy was dead. A civil war had begun.
Monarch was thrust into a world he knew nothing about: a war he knew nothing about. So he ran. Ran like hell, until the world stopped spinning and he was away from the chaos. He ran from the people meant to protect him, trusting nobody. All he knew was that he was in danger, his parents were dead; and he. wanted. vengance.
The war waged on for several years, but only quietly. The anti-Federation forces struggled against the global superpower, and their pro-Federation forces: people who used to be part of Cascadia. The traitors. Monarch, in the meantime, was training. He was going to be a pilot. A fighter. However, he failed out of flight school, for "taking too many unnecessary risks". He, personally, disagreed. He thought it was funny.
However, in his time at the flight school, he was noticed by someone. A man named Arnold Frenken, going by the callsign Kaiser. He was the leader of a mercenary group, and he liked how Monarch flew. Monarch agreed to join this merc group, one named Sicario. In the beginning of his time at Sicario, he proved himself to everyone by out-killing them on his FIRST CONTRACT.
After this contract, he was put in a group with three others: A girl with the callsign Prez; real name Robin; who was assigned as Monarch's co-pilot. She was the only co-pilot able to keep up with the insane g-forces Monarch consistently put himself through. A boy, callsign Diplomat, more often called Dip; real name Peter. He was assigned as one of Monarch's wingmen, Hitman 2. He was the son of a political ally of the king and queen; one who died in the same castle bombing as Monarch's parents. He was a good pilot, and was in the Cascadian Air Force before deserting at the same time as the next member of Hitman Squad. Another girl, callsign Comic; real name Evelyn. Another former Air Force member, having been discharged, then picked up by Kaiser at the same time as Monarch and Dip. All together, they were known as Hitman Squadron. They were the best that the Sicario group had, and sent on high-value missions.
During all this, Monarch slowly began being referred to by others as "the King of the Sky." This all culminated in his callsign being given to him, not created by him: "Monarch." It helped that he had.... somewhat of a collection of butterflies. He had always liked them... so had his mother.
One day, after a contract, Sicario was contacted by the anti-Federation forces. They needed help, and they were willing to pay. The war had settled for around 2 years, each side seemingly building up resources for a large clash that hadn't come. But the message was clear. It was time.
The war began. Sicario was sent first to reclaim parts of the country, then destroy certain parts of Federation infrastructure. Until their sixth mission. It seemed like a normal mission, and the objectives were completed by Hitman Squadron. Until the Peacekeepers arrived. The Peacekeepers were the Federation's best air fighters, only deployed to contain major threats. The squadron was the infamous Crimson squad: the best pilots that the Federation had. As all the other Cascadian forces retreated in a panic, Monarch realized something. This was the squadron that bombed the castle. This was the squadron that killed his parents.
Monarch, despite the warnings from his squad members, Sicario's leader, and even his co-pilot Prez, charged them. Despite taking some hits, and flying slightly sloppily due to the pure rage he was in, managed to shoot down one of the Crimson members, leading to their hasty retreat. As Monarch and Prez landed at the base and stepped out of the plane, they were met with nothing but silent, incredulous looks.
The war waged on. Monarch knew his target. He just waited. Kept carrying out missions. Until they got their biggest one yet. Over the Bering Strait, the biggest air battle in history was about to take place. A purely air-to-air combat scenario. This was to decide who had the best air force, and who won the war by extension. Hitman flew into the area, seeing nothing but planes, missiles, and smoke. They flew into combat, and the communications array lit up as both enemy and friendly comms could be heard.
Allied Pilot: We got new mercenary IFFs in the area, who do we got? Allied Pilot: Positive contact, looks like Sicario's here! Allied Pilot: Yeah, well, the only team worth a damn is Hitman! Federation Pilot: Watch it, those pilots that the Peacekeepers keep talking about are here. Federation Pilot: That asshole with the Crown with them? Allied Pilot: Their flight lead is worth every cent we’re paying him, look at him. Allied Pilot: I didn’t think mercenaries like that were around anymore, not after Oceania. Federation Pilot: Taking on a king in a battle royale, just our luck.
They knew who he was. They ALL knew who he was. Or at least... they knew his callsign. They didn't know that behind that visor, that pilot's helmet, was the rightful prince of Cascadia. More chatter was heard.
Allied Pilot: “Monarch?” Hell of a TAC name. Allied Pilot: Self-proclaimed? Sicario Pilot: Entire kingdoms are founded by people like him. Allied Pilot: He’s still a merc. Mercenary Pilot: Not every king is just.
They couldn't know. He could trust nobody but those who already knew.
Federation Pilot: Put a crosshair on that Crown, we take out the king and the rest will fall!
Federation Pilot: That flight being led by the Crown, those are the ones who got away from Crimson. Federation Pilot: We’ll show those blowhards what a salt-of-the-earth pilot can do.
They... They thought he was the leader of the rebellion. The figurehead. The king. As he shot more and more down, he smiled. In the midst of the pure chaos that was this air combat, he felt calm.
AWACS Galaxy: We’ve got inbound, pop-up bandit group at bearing 230, looks like they pulled back for one last push, there's a lot of them. AWACS Galaxy: IFF confirmed, Federation Peacekeeping Squadron Crimson identified with more reinforcements, this is it! Hitman 2 Diplomat: Ah shit...
Crimson 1: Crimson Squadron, ready the MLAAs, we’re putting an end to this party. Crimson Pilot: Looks like it’s those mercenaries, think they might turn tail and run again? Crimson 1: Not this time, open fire.
And as he heard Crimson Team arrive, he was enraged as before. And he did something he never had before, at least while flying; he spoke. Just one word.
Monarch: <>
And combat began. Monarch ended up shooting down half of Crimson team before they retreated, and he was still tempted to follow them. He was only calmed down when he noticed something: All of the friendly pilots had formed up on him. They were all following him. It was a sign of... respect.
Perhaps he was more of a leader than he thought.
The war waged on.
And then the capitol of Cascadia, it's pride and joy, Presidia, was hit with a nuclear bomb that set off cordium in the ground, causing a cataclysmic event and turning the land into a fiery hellscape. Despite this, Monarch and the rest of Sicario survived, shooting down many along the way. Encountering Crimson Team one final time. Shooting them all down. Until it was time for one final battle. And in the middle of this final battle, this climax to the war...
A ceasefire. The war was over. Cascadia and the Federation were.... stopping? Just like that? Monarch was... angry. His parents died for THIS? Despite this boiling rage.... Monarch accepted it. But someone else... someone else had not.
A sudden explosion. Presidia was turned into a fiery crater in an instant. A bomb, a nuclear bomb, had gone off. No. It had been set off. By HIM. Crimson 1. Monarch's rival, his Federation counterpart. One final duel. No wingmen, no reinforcements, nothing. Just Monarch, his trusted co-pilot Prez, and Crimson.
Hitman 1 WSO Prez: I don't know if I can do this, Monarch...I'm braced...
Prez was scared. Monarch knew that. But this was no time to run. He needed this fight.
<>
Crimson 1: You're a slave to history, Crimson 1: even after Calamity, you fight against the only order that can guarantee the safety of your people, Crimson 1: you solely are responsible for this.
Monarch absorbed every word Crimson said. But he didn't care. It was time to gun down the man who caused this. Who destroyed his country. Who killed his parents.
Crimson 1: What do you have to show for yourself, merc, blood? Gold? A broken throne?^\note 1]) Crimson 1: I will bury you so completely, the earth will turn over a thousand times before your body is dug up.
Shut up.
Crimson 1: You can't run, you can't hide, you made this decision long ago, you can't back out of this deal!
Shut up.
Crimson 1: I'm Cascadian, you think I take joy fighting over my homeland, killing my own countrymen?![^\note 2])](https://projectwingman.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:Kings#cite_note-note2-2) Crimson 1: If you never showed up, I never would have lost all that I have!

SHUT UP.

They flew, firing at each other, Monarch putting himself and Prez through extreme g-forces to keep up with the former Peacekeeper, who was in some sort of experimental aircraft. But eventually, he landed enough hits to make Crimson speak again.
Hitman 1 WSO Prez: [grunts] God-[grunts] Monarch...I can't keep up...I can't...I can't...
Hitman 1 WSO Prez: I'm...sorry... [thud]
Prez was down. Monarch knew that. Whether she was passed out from the g-forces, or.....
Best not to think the worst. He would win this. For her.
Crimson 1: Me and you now. No distractions, no wingmen, no war, just me and you, whoever wins is the best pilot. Crimson 1: Every safety's coming off, no second chances.
No second chances. Kill him.
Crimson 1: "Monarch," you use the name of a king, but what do you rule over, the dead?! The Federation fought for peace in this war and you denied them that! Crimson 1: The people of Cascadia, do you know what you've taken from them?! Their homes! And for what, to secede from the world?! What, you think you can fight this war again in 50 years' time, do you really think history will see it your way?! Crimson 1: You don't even care why you're here!
To avenge him. Her. His people.
Crimson 1: How does it feel to not have a country, to not have borders to define yourself against the world?
This WAS his country. His borders. His people.
Crimson 1: The Calamity erased mankind once, our chance to start again, this is how you've dealt with it?!
Silence. Monarch still offered no response. Crimson was getting angrier and angrier. Let him slip up. Then strike.
Crimson 1: You drove me to this...this death and destruction over the Federation, millions of lives lost... [sighs] So many ghosts... Kill me...or be killed!

Kill. Kill. KILL. KILL. KILL. KILL. Kill.

Monarch kept flying. He needed to do this. End this. Reclaim his country.
Crimson 1: This is my home!
His as well.
Crimson 1: Here we are, fighting for Cascadia's soul. Crimson 1: That's the deal you made, right?
Cascadia's soul was rightfully his. He was the pri- no. Monarch was the king. It's just that nobody knew it yet.
Crimson 1: What happens when you shoot me down?! Can you even think?! What will you return to?! Where will you go?! We both know how this ends!
What... would happen? Would he rule? Reclaim? or simply... fade away?
Crimson 1: Kill me, kill me and see what happens to this world! Crimson 1: Either way, your life ends today! Crimson 1: And my squadron, do you think they deserved it?!
And Monarch spoke his first, and only words of the fight. Not to Crimson, but to himself: <>
Crimson 1: The Federation might try to forget about you, but I won't, this is for the good of the world, Crimson 1: die, mercenary!
But it wouldn't be Monarch dying that day.
Crimson 1: No...no, not yet!
It was time.
Crimson 1: God damn it, Crimson 1: come on, I've almost got him!
The truth was there.
Crimson 1: [panting and angry screaming]
They were both incredible pilots, fighting until the bitter end.
Crimson 1: Come on, come in for that kill, you dog!
But Monarch was simply....
Crimson 1: God damn! [coughs]
Better.
System: Hostile Eliminated.

Crimson 1 was shot down.

Crimson 1: Monarch, when you hear the thunder...
<<...?>> Crimson 1: ...when the storm...comes for you...
<<...>> Crimson 1: ...remember me.
<<....I will.>>
And as Crimson went down, Monarch flew away, towards the others. And as he landed, he got Prez out of her seat, praying she woke up. And as she did, they hugged tight.
Both of them sat for a moment, before the plane's communication systems crackled back to life.
Hitman 3 Comic: Transmitting a beacon. Dust Mother, he better pick this up...
Assassin 1 Kaiser: They had to take this from us! We'll burn them all, we’ll burn down the Federation!
Hitman 2 Diplomat: Eve? Eve!
Hitman 3 Comic: [gasps] Hey, I’m over here! Hell's bells, I was about three seconds away from putting a bullet in you!
Hitman 2 Diplomat: It's alright, I probably deserved it at some point, are you good to move?
Hitman 3 Comic: Yeah, yeah. It's all gone to hell, the world is about to be remade.
Hitman 2 Diplomat: We're finished here, we gotta disappear for a bit, I don't want to get caught up in what's coming.
Hitman 3 Comic: What about what we're owed?
Hitman 2 Diplomat: Monarch will collect.
Monarch: <>
They traced Monarch and Prez to the plane, and all of Hitman squad simply.... sat.
Monarch: <>

Later....

Cascadia was whole again. As the world worked together to rebuild the destroyed lands, they all promised that never again would another war of this scale be allowed to happen. Of course, there were still rebellious groups. Groups that needed mercenaries to clear those rebellious groups out. And Monarch was thrust into the world's light, as not only the son of the former King and Queen of Cascadia, but the killer of Crimson 1.
However, instead of becoming a king, he created a council. A council of those he trusted, his "family". The ones who would hold power over certain parts of the country. But he never truly lost his lust for the air, for adrenaline. So he gave power of the country to them, and.... simply went back to being the best mercenary the world had ever seen.
Until the Pilot rolled around. Or, more aptly: flew around. He was from another universe, one that supposedly had... wizards? Magic? Of course, Monarch was intrigued. This "Pilot" man also seemed to... know who Monarch and Prez were, and specifically asked for them. So he followed.
<>
*Monarch stands, and walks away.*
/uw HOLY SHIT! This might be the longest thing i've ever written, at more than 8 PAGES. This took me like 2 and a half hours. hope you enjoyed!