REDDIT CHAT ONLY, short term lenght of a roleplay. Please, read everything i have written in this post before you message me. Trust me, i would know if you dont read everything in this post.
So this is a basic idea for this roleplay scene - Your show has became pretty famous because it is based of you asking celebrities naughty questions that nobody dares to ask them. And i am your next guest. How i want this dynamic to go is - you ask her a bunch of sexual questions, then a mini game. Then another round of sexual questions, then a second mini game. And then another round of sexual questions and the final minigame. Examples of a mini game (come up with yours) - celebrity rates guys dicks, celebrity guesses the breast size by touching females boobs.
So if you have read everything please send me this in your first message to me - your characters name, age, description, kinks, limits. 3 mini games you came up with and a photo of a celebrity you choose me to play as.
Celebrities im willing to play in this roleplay (willing to play as all of them but i prefer the top 5)
Top 5 - Talia Mar, Pokimane, Alissa Violet, Natalie Noel, Freya Nightingale
Lena the Plug, Mia Khalifa, ItsFangs, Corinna Kopf, Erin Gilfoy, Carly Incontro, Shakira, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Yanet Garcia, Milan Mirabella, Bhad Bhabie, Malu Trevejo, Bambino Becky, Miranda Cosgrove, Jennette Mccurdy, Victoria Justice, Gee Nelson, Billie Eilish, SSSniperwolf, Ranya Shelesh
I am 18+ and all characters in this roleplay have to be 18+ too

☠TugMe Premium Mod just installed. Deploy Turrets, traps etc right on your tug! Fire torpedoes and fight Pirates patrolling the seas!!☠

⚔New Battlefield server with intense PvP in mind.⚔

Lots of Combat AI Bots and Raidable Bases have been added until the server population grows.

Will you Surrender The Booty?
✔Custom Loadouts (spawn loadout)
✔ Kits
✔ Personal Minicopter
✔ Skinbox
✔ Premium Clans
✔ Teleport/Homes
✔ Short bag times
✔ Instant Craft
✔ No Workbench/Components
✔ Remove
✔ VIP Ranks

• Scallywag
• Crewman
• Gunner
• Firstmate
• Captain

http://rustbooty.com

How or what type of garments do you wear for extended exercise activities? When I go hiking all day or backpacking I have an extremely hard time being comfortable in garments. I sweat so much that my clothes stay wet all day or days, my back can never fully dry because of the layers. It seems that no matter how much mesh or ventilation outer layers I have on top it stays as a sponge. Then the problem arises of hygiene, comfort, and hypothermia in the cold and winter. There is a saying that “cotton kills” in the outdoors but I have tried all the synthetic materials and they have the same issue. Even the thermal/long garment bottoms are made out of cotton and don’t dry well.
As a man, I don’t have an issue not wearing garments for certain activities or exercising because I feel it’s part of respect for or body and the garment but I also don’t think it’s appropriate to only wear booty shorts and sports bra in the name of exercise. As endowed members I feel it’s part of how we are to be different from those around us. I mean no shame on others just stating minimal clothing is not what I’m looking for.
I feel that constantly choosing not to wear the garments for extended periods of time is not honoring the covenant to the fullest I can. I know that garments are not “magic bullet proof underwear” but i honestly feel a sense of protection and peace when I choose to wear them as symbols of devotion and honor to God. I’m not looking for a reason to not wear them and I feel I’m comfortable when to not wear them but are there any solutions for extended physical activities? Are there any styles of garments I’m missing or outer layer tops and bottoms that help remedy this? Again, I’m not looking for tank tops and short-shorts for days on end, there has to be a better solution right, or is that just how it is and I need to find peace with it?

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I’m afab NB and I have enough imposter syndrome that I don’t need others doubting my identity based on clothing. I’m sick of this pervasive idea that afab NBs who wear femme clothes want to be special and aren’t real NBs.
I wear flowy dresses all summer. I overheat and sweat very easily and flowy dresses are the best clothes for me in hot summers. In winter I do like leggings because the work I do means I have to be moving around a lot and they work well for me. But I also have a big butt and sometimes I wear a dress to hide the booty in the leggings because one of my jobs involves working with teens and no way am I gonna have my booty on display around teens. I do still wear masculine clothes like cargo pants or shorts and mens tops, but I’m often opting for more cozy clothes. I’m sorry that women’s clothing options are more diverse and sometimes softer and cozier. My gender is not my clothes. My clothes are just what is cute and cozy. Sorry I look like a cis woman. I really am not cis tho.

I see a lot of posts of lonely ppl who want friends. As someone who has consciously taught myself social skills, now makes friends easily, and has maintained deep bonds over decades, I feel qualified to share what I’ve learned. I’ll warn you, tough love and even tougher truths are part of this. If you find yourself arguing, but don’t have friends yourself, ask yourself where that resistance comes from. Don’t direct it at me; take some time to journal and sit with it. This is part of the journey.
I have a lot of info so I’m breaking this into parts. I’m naturally pedantic and have a lot to share. I will do my best to keep it as concentrated as possible but be warned: this will be wordy with no TLDR.
The first part of making friends starts with your physical self. Humans are primarily visual creatures(all genders) and how we present ourselves is the first invitation or hurdle to interacting with ppl.

1. Hygiene: daily showering is a non-negotiable. You can rot on your own time in your own house. If you are going to be a part of society you need to wrangle your body smells so that ppl aren’t offended by your very presence. This is the first tough truth: no one wants to be friends with a smelly person. Use soap and a washcloth, stay away from those plastic nightmare loofahs. Wash every nook, cranny, divet, and crevices. Wash your booty hole and genitals. Change your washcloth daily (wash a$$ last) or use a separate one for your butt. Wash your sheets, pillowcases, towels, robes, and floor mat once a week. Wear deodorant (no, body sprays aren’t deodorant) daily. Some of us are extra stinky due to “stress sweat” aka apocrine glands and this is a common physical side effect of an overtaxed nervous system. Extra stinky ppl need to touch up their armpits with a disinfectant wipe and reapplication of deodorant; lunch time is great for this. Brush your teeth upon waking, after drinking coffee, and after eating. No, gum and mouthwash are only temporary, they aren’t good enough. You still have bad breath. Drinking coffee wo brushing in the morning leads to that extra stinky breath that smells like death. Don’t be that person. Floss once a day. When washing hair, use shampoo and focus on the scalp more than the hair. If you can’t feel the lather on every centimeter, add more to those spots or you will still stink. Most ppl need to wash it twice if they don’t shampoo everyday. Shorter hair, thinning hair, and fine hair need to be washed more often, sometimes daily. We can smell your scalp from far away. Keep your nails trimmed or neatly filed. I’ve had to school multiple men in my life on how raggedy their nails are. Don’t just grow them out until they break off. Keep them short unless you have the time and desire to file and shape them at least once a week. Wash your hands every time you use the bathroom. I don’t care if you didn’t touch yourself, that’s not the point. Ppl notice. Also wash your hands when you’re alone and at home, seriously it’s not that hard. How are you going to want friendship if you don’t value them enough to keep them safe and sanitary? Trim your toenails and stay abreast of how your feet smell. If you have smelly feet you probably have athletes foot. Sprays are an easy way to treat this. If you still have stinky feet after this, keep a change of socks with you so if you go to a no shoes house, you aren’t making ppl sick. Wash inner clothes like shirts and underwear after every wear. Sweat shirts and jeans can often be worn a few times before needing to be washed but smell the armpits and ass, and check for stains before you put them on.

Don’t proceed further until you can adhere to these standards at least when you’re in public. If you’re in a depression and can’t maintain these, stay at home until you can. If you don’t have the energy to bathe and be clean, you don’t have the energy for friends.

1. Grooming. This about looking neat and together. Humans are visual creatures, we judge others based on their looks. I’m not talking skinny/fat, ugly/pretty. I mean that if you look like your life is rough, ppl aren’t going to want to get involved with that. We have our own issues and struggles, we don’t want to add someone to our lives that looks like they are on the brink of a meltdown. Brush your hair and teeth before you leave the house. This is my bare minimum. Curly hair is different but my wavy hair needs to be brushed the same as straight. Combing is also acceptable. Keep an eye on your dandruff. If you have it, treat it. There are many otc options. At the very least shake it out and don’t wear dark colors until it’s fixed. Make sure you don’t have eye crusties, mouth corner goop, or boogers. If you’re showering these are usually not an issue but check for these a few times a day. I don’t iron my clothes but many ppl associate wrinkles with poor grooming. Consider getting a handheld steamer. I personally fold my clothes kon-marie style or hang them and that’s good enough for me. Keep your shoes clean. Lots of people are taught to judge other by the state of their shoes. Notice how many ppl look at your shoes the first time you meet. Wash the white laces regularly, polish and condition leather. Patent shoes are super hard to keep scuff free so avoid them if you are prone to scuffs or dragging your feet. My shoes come untied so I double knot my laces to avoid looking sloppy. Replace buttons and ask a dry cleaner to repair any holes or tears. Relegate worn out and stained clothes to lounge wear.
   
2. Posture. Your posture says so much about you. A relaxed and tall posture says you’re confident and easy going. The type of person we all want to be friends with. Forward head means life has beaten you down. Rounded shoulders says you’ve been hurt but haven’t healed. Collapsed chest says you’ve given up. Lordosis means your core body and core self are weak. Stand with your feet an inch or two from the wall and stand naturally. Your head and most of your spine should touch. If it doesn’t you have work to do. You can’t just force yourself to stand up straight. Your muscles have stretched and atrophied to accommodate this unnatural stance, you will need to rehab your body over weeks and months to regain proper function. Research and watch videos on strengthening postural muscles. My fave that’s easy to explain: when you’re at the wall checking your posture, bend your knees slowly until you can press your spine and back of head into the wall. Stay there for a moment and feel it. That’s the proper position of your pelvis; posture comes from pelvic position not our chest, shoulders, or back. Now clench your ab muscles, they might be weak or non existent. These are the muscles that need to be strengthened. Hold those muscles tight and try to straighten your knees while maintaining that pelvic position. Breathe and hold for 30 seconds. If you can’t do 30 start with 10. Do this every time you go to the bathroom, not necessarily in the bathroom but by tying it to an inevitable part of your day you have a better chance of being consistent.
   
3. Body language. Like posture, we communicate much more than we realize with our bodies. How we walk, sit, fidget, etc telegraphs nonverbal messages to those around us. Many ppl are very dissociated with their daily movements. Take some time to notice how you walk. Do you drag your feet? How would someone describe your walk? Do you schlep, shuffle, scurry? Or do you glide, prance, or stalk? I love to drag my feet and do this at home in my slippers. But in public I am more conscious of how I walk. This is much harder for me to explain. My main tip is to watch out for small, jerky, fast movments, like fidgeting and scurrying. These are prey movements and relegate us to an undesirable social standing: prey. Think of how a mouse moves: small, jerky quick movements. Now think of a panther. Every movement is intentional and controlled, smooth, slow. Go on walks if you are able bodied and start to notice how you move. Notice how those around you move. Which ones seem confident to you and which ones are off putting. Same with sitting. Do your best to sit up straight rather than completely melting into the chair. Don’t “throw” yourself onto someone’s furniture, use your legs to lower yourself down. When listening do your best to keep movements to a minimum. Breathing slowly and deep helps with this. I use my hands to talk when I’m excited and don’t see this as a problem.
   
4. Eye contact. Eye contact is very important but it also varies by culture. This will be regarding western/American culture. Eye contact used to be difficult for me. I now have an engaged and sometimes intense gaze. It’s more important to maintain eye contact when listening, not as important when talking. You don’t have to laser focus, break your gaze regularly to take in the other person’s movements and body language, look briefly at other parts of their face, lower your gaze, glance at the room. But don’t stray for too long, wandering gaze makes ppl feel like you aren’t listening and ppl don’t want to engage with bad listeners. Don’t look at breasts or genitals. Once you’re comfortable with someone you can look away much more or sometimes even look at other things while you listen. But in the beginning you are building trust.
   

Extra credit: cultivate your personal style. This is optional but supremely helpful. A pleasing physical appearance can garner compliments which is a great way to start conversations. It can also connect us with like minded individuals or show our place in a culture or subculture. Hair is one of the best ways to customize your appearance: cut, color, and style are all options. If you choose long hair, make sure you understand that long hair is a hobby; it takes tons of time and effort to maintain. Not to mention the research and trial and error to find products. Especially men who want long hair, make sure you are up for keeping it clean and neat. You will need to still keep it trimmed, learn to part your hair, learn to tie it back neatly, keep it from looking greasy, etc. if it’s thinning, it’s more flattering to keep it short. if you have curls you will need to learn different techniques that take even more time and effort. Same with vivid colors: they take so much time and money to maintain. Go for it if you have taken time to understand the upkeep.
For clothing, any style works. If you have zero idea how to build a wardrobe choose one dark neutral (black, charcoal grey, navy, or chocolate brown), choose one light neutral (white, ivory, light grey, beige), and one medium neutral (olive green, khaki, camel, mid grey, rust, beige). Only choose one of each and preferably ones that look nice on you. From now on only buy clothes in these shades. Focus on getting your basic covered before you choose colors: tshirts, sweaters, sweatshirts jeans, slacks, jacket, coat. There are so many options and it’s a great opportunity to get to know yourself. Do you like graphic Ts or plain? V neck or crew? Do you like sweatshirts that zip? Do you like hoods? For sweaters: turtlenecks, cardigans, pullovers, or quarter zips? Wool coats or puffers? Leather or denim jackets? Enjoy each detail you learn about yourself. Once your basics are covered, choose two colors. Then try to only get stuff in those colors. My pallet when I was blonde was: black, ivory, and beige with red or blush pink. Now that I’m my natural color it’s: navy, grey, ivory with sky blue or forest green. By putting limiting your colors, everything matches and you always look put together. Accessories are where your personality can really shine: loud sneakers, big belt buckles, unique watches, rings, necklaces, hats or caps, scarves, bags. There are so many ways to express yourself. Keep your accessories to your chosen colors at first. Once you have figured out your style and built up a wardrobe that works, you can add more colors and pizazz.

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https://reddit.com/link/1culbch/video/7fktepa9nh0d1/player

my RA FREAKING SUCKS BOOTY YALL. i come in on tuesday nights.. the stores a MESS sticky, dirty, trashes full, no condiments, no roller grills (a few times one of the roller grills were TURNED OFF and everything had to be written), outside napkin thingys empty, trashes full outside, none of his daw tasks done. HE ASKED ME WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO DO SOME OF THEM. GIRL……. he stayed an hour late amd still didnt have them done…….. AND I WAS ON REG THE FIRST 2 HOURS OF MY SHIFT FOR HIM. and we were 500 short. FIVE HUNDRED. HOW BRUH HOW. WERE U FARTIN AROUND ALL DAY?
and ive heard when my SM come in, from wednesday/thursday mornings ITS ASS STILL. he so dumb. i told him “hey you left this roller grill off” and he said HE SAIIIDD “wdym? it says 109dgs.” me - “yes bc i turned it on” him - “well idk what you mean cause it says 109” AAAAHHHHHHHHHH I WANNA YELL AT HIM LMAO
the trash cans at the pumps were tied up… IN THE BIN. NOT TAKEN OUT. and i told him and he said “well idk what you mean cause i took them out” huh… I JUST TOLD YOU..
we work at a very slow store.lol. soooo WHY ARENT U PUTTING UP ORDERS ON UR OVERNIGHTS? he doesnt touch them what so ever.
im so fed up. my sm knows, everybody knows. how do i go about telling him to do better without being mean cause i am THIIIISSSS 🤏 close to chewing his butt up.

So, certain people feel that Dan was falsely labeled a sexual predator & they have been supporting Dan's decision to sue the makers of QOS.
Without going into graphic details, "All That" alum Lori Beth Denberg publicly came out and said that Dan preyed on her & that the guy was also a zoophile.
Obviously, we don't know for a fact if Dan is a pedophile, but I feel like the people defending Dan don't know what a pedophile actually is.
There are pedos who have never sexually abused children & they are called 'non-offending pedophiles".
Even if Dan is not a pedo, his treatment of Lori Beth Denberg proves that he is a sexual predator & the doc proved that he was abusive in other ways as well.
In late 2023, "Zoey 101" star Matthew Underwood sent an email to a fan in which he discredited the victims of Dan's abuse & called people who were criticizing Dan online "QANON supporters".
When Underwood wrote & sent that email, Angelique Bates, Jennette Mccurdy, Alexa Nikolas, & many others had already come forward about the abuse they endured by Dan & he discredited them by saying "Dan was nice to me, so he's not a bad guy". To this day, Underwood has never publicly or privately apologized to the victims of Dan's behavior.

Got the news from husband shortly before Mother’s Day after having one kid home sick and literally cleaning up shit all week that he hasn’t been happy for a long time and was thinking of separating. Again he wanted me to take in the mental load and decide when things should be decided. He still thought we should book a vacation for thousands of dollars. After days in limbo he finally said last night he’s pretty certain a separation is it but still had no idea what that looked like and kept asking if I minded him staying in bed.
I tried to explain the mental load and that of course I wasn’t going out of the way for date planning or fun sexy times when I was totally overwhelmed and struggling. His response when I showed him the lists of tasks we each do was you just do too much cut back literally his suggestions were play less with the kids. dont do parent teacher conferences or go to school activities parents get invited to and give non stop access to screens for each of our 3 kids under 10. Apparently others he talked to work agree no one does that much for their kids and I’m the odd one out. He thinks me washing the sheet once every 1-2 months and washing our towels regularly is over the top and my problem since I’m not more laid back. He can’t seem to decide if his plan is to work non stop or lead some super exciting life with a booty short wearing video game playing fun lady who also doesn’t mind his idea of a cleaning schedule has meant rotting food on the counter and mold in the shower and toilet. I told him good luck finding that.
He has maybe done 4 mornings in his own. I have done all night wakings and 99.9% of every morning. He doesn’t know what they eat for lunch or breakfast. I think I’ve seen him vacuum once. I guess at one point when our older two were both toddlers I said I didn’t want a European vacation meant he could never ask again and I ruined his fun. The man who our entire 18 year relationship only wanted to do video games now says I held him back from networking and starting a business and travel and overall being exciting.
I think one day I’ll look back and realize he’s doing me a favor and that I let him treat me horribly all these years. Right now I’m just terrified for my kids. We will almost certainly have to move which means new school and daycare no more before/after care at our favorite place. I had been hyping up a super exciting fun adventure filled vacation to the kids and now now there is nothing. I’m struggling to see the future right now. My only goal right now is to not let him put the work of all this on me. I will not figure this out for him. He wants to crush his family he can put in the work to do it.
Thanks for my rambling hot mess of a post. It feels good to get it out. Maybe he’ll see this who knows.
Update: thanks all for the support. He’s been on the couch and I’m taking today (my birthday) to wander around the mall and do nothing and he’s in his own to manage their activities.

Scout

A) Stock + Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol +Atomizer
B) Stock + Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol + Three-Rune Blade
C) Stock + Bonk! Atomic Punch + Atomizer
D) Force-A-Nature + Flying Guillotine + Wrap Assassin

Soldier

A) Stock + Panic Attack + Disciplinary Action
B) Original + Gunboats + Market Gardener
C) Black Box + Concheror + Disciplinary Action
D) Direct Hit + Panic Attack + Market Gardener

Pyro

A) Stock + Detonator + Powerjack
B) Degreaser + Panic Attack + Axtinguisher
C) Stock + Scorch Shot + Homewrecker
D) Backburner + Thermal Thruster + Powerjack

Demoman

A) Iron Bomber + Stickybomb Launcher + Frying Pan
B) Loose Cannon + Quickiebomb Launcher + Eyelander
C) Iron Bomber + Sticky Jumper + Eyelander
D) Ali Baba's Wee Booties + Splendid Screen + Horseless Headless Horsemann's Headtaker

Heavy

A) Stock + Second Banana + Fists of Steel
B) Tomislav + Second Banana + Fists of Steel
C) Natascha + Second Banana + Fists of Steel
D) Stock + Panic Attack + Fists of Steel

Engineer

A) Panic Attack + Short Circuit + Eureka Effect
B) Frontier Justice + Wrangler + Jag
C) Rescue Ranger + Wrangler + Jag
D) Widowmaker + Stock + Gunslinger

Medic

A) Crusader's Crossbow + Stock + Ubersaw
B) Crusader's Crossbow + Kritzkrieg + Ubersaw
C) Crusader's Crossbow + Quick-Fix + Ubersaw
D) Crusader's Crossbow + Quick-Fix + Amputator

Sniper

A) Bazaar Bargain + Jarate + Bushwacka
B) AWPer Hand + Razorback + Frying Pan
C) Huntsman + Cozy Camper + Shahanshah
D) Machina + Stock + Shahanshah

Spy

A) L'Etranger + Conniver's Kunai + Stock
B) Stock + Spy-cicle + Dead Ringer
C) Diamondback + Stock + Stock
D) L'Etranger + Your Eternal Reward + Cloak and Dagger

I put that tag on because I've honestly have thought about attempting multiple on multiple times through out this spiral. I've come to the decision to postpone it for now though because I want to see my sister graduate highschool. And truthfully I have just enough energy I think to try and make it through the summer.
I don't know where to begin but I've been trying to write this post out for weeks now, trying to condense it to a short version. But also I just get carried away and make the posts way too long. I have so much that's been going on in my life and I'm honestly just stuck. I've deleted a couple of my posts I made on here because they were extremely nasty about a family member I was having issues with. That family member and I are on stable footing for now but it doesn't negate my spiral. Also I'm really sorry in advance this post is going to be long but I'm going to do my best to keep everything short in my gloss overs.
Tldr: Life is fucking rough, work started my depressive spiral, I'm grieving a friend, my mother is a wicked person, and honestly I'm just exhausted and tired and just trying to exist until I don't anymore.
I guess my downfall really happened when I was working and the registered sex offender touched me. (He was 19 when he got the charge cause he had consensual intercourse with a 13 yo in his car) however I've come to find out he's also touched a 16 year old student worker years ago but she didn't report it to HR and told the union instead. I think I was the first to really report him. Regardless I did it messy because this was my second ever job and I didn't know I was supposed to go directly to management. Anyways that's a clusterfuck I can't deep dive into right now, but pretty much afterwards I've had anxiety attacks and couldn't finish my shift so they moved me to a pocket kitchen away from him and his gf. Come to find out they told everyone in the kitchen that what happened to me never happened or didn't happen at all and yet the boss let them talk their talk. I told her that she has to call an exterminator cause she has rats in her kitchen one of the times I had to be over in that kitchen. It was only brief but still, I also told her when she called me in to tell me I shouldn't have told the students their plans for the pocket kitchen I was working at and the rest of them for next semester. And blinked at me until I apologized. I told her that working in her kitchen or the kitchen adjacent would never happen because the guys mother and step father work in the other kitchen or she couldn't guarantee that they wouldn't make my life a living hell and they would. His step dad already put my face to the "bitch that title nined his son" so that's not happening. I'm a temp worker and she got ride of her Temps but wants to keep me on campus but all the pocket kitchens are being filled with full time employees. Not to mention they closed my pocket kitchen every chance and I would get docked 100 bucks from my paycheck.
I had been dealing with depression and that job actually made me want to die, I also had my first I think near death experience, I had an asthma attack in the girls bathroom one day after I had worked out too hard. And I passed out, it was weird and my first experience passing out like this, but I remember seeing like this black velvet door with glossy patterns and just when I was about to fully slip under I heard a familiar voice my inner teenager recognized telling me "It's not time yet" and I came too, to someone handing me an inhaler. This was present time
Now let me go to November last year; I think this is the time where I really fell into my depressive spiral. I can't remember if I had been grieving my friend before this moment or not but I slipped bad into my ED. I don't eat just so you can know which ED. I can't recall alot that happened those last few months. Working over in my pocket kitchen helped cause I would get food at work because I don't get food at home.
Now I've been out of work for a week now, and it feels like I've been out of a job for years. I don't think I ate that whole time except the few snacks I had bought. I live off my snacks, I can't remember the last time I've had real protein. I've also just recently noticed that my body has infact been eating itself. I used to play with my thumb fat on my hands if I was nervous or fidgety, and it was gone one day but I didn't really notice it. What I did notice was a chunk of my thigh fat missing, it's not noticeable to really anyone but I don't have my extra what I call "fubble bubble" on my left thigh anymore. I'm still doing my best to put food in my body but it's non nutritional.
If you think it gets better it doesn't, because I have no job and because I'm presenting being "lazy" I've been having arguments on arguments with my mother. I'm 23f, but I have to live with my mom because I have literally no where else I can go or no friends I can stay long term with. My mom the other day strong armed me into caving to do something for her because I asked her if she could pick up my BC. She made a big deal about how "I'm always seemed to have to drop everything to do everything for everyone else and no one wants to help me around the house. So we will see when I can get it" and I told her in my response that "Well you can't wait too long to get it because I'm going to need it by next week Tuesday" and she started rebuttling with me until I offered to clean the upstairs bathtub. I threw up in it twice but the second time was graphic for me. I had binged a bottle of honey whiskey in a span of 5 hours I didn't finish the bottle thankfully. But my mother proceeded to tell me she wants me to scrap the tub with cardboard which I told her cardboard isn't going to get the hardend puke off it. Yesterday instead of cleaning the tub I walked myself to the store to buy food because my mother fucked me over going to the store the other day.
Not only that my mother has told me a couple times through all of this she doesn't think my sister and I needed or needs attention or affection because we're "normal" to her. She's told me many horrible things and I've been reflecting on just my life in general. I've come to realize my mom resents me or she hates me but she also denies this and tells me she loves me and cares for me and that "just because I do XYZ for your brother doesn't mean I don't love you". I told her I hated her to her face during one of my recent asthma attacks.
I had two back to back asthma attacks the first time my body was preparing for death twice. I could feel my lungs start collapsing and I managed to go to my mother for help. Now I was semi conscious so I could hear everything but I couldn't really respond or move my body. I hear my mom yelling at me to get up, to stop crying and get off the floor. And I specifically remember my mom telling my brother to get his inhaler and his nebulizer and then there was a pause and I hear her again saying "SHES WORSE THAN YOU RIGHT NOW SHES GOING TO DIE IF YOU DON'T" and next thing I know my mom is giving me my brother's inhaler and tells me to take three puffs and tells me I'm doing a whole treatment of the nebulizer. The next day I ask my sister if what I heard was true and asked if mom was yelling and she said "no, she was screaming at you to get the fuck up like screeching at you" and I was like "oh okay good to know" I think it was that night or the next night I had another asthma attack. Basically I called an ambulance for myself because I thought I was actually going to die. I crawl myself downstairs in my booty short pj's and my mom yells at me why I didn't just ask for the nebulizer and I had screamed at her no, and told my brother no to his help. I denied her inhaler and I screamed at her that she didn't care or love me and that I had hoped I died. And told her bullshit for her saying she did love me or care cause she never shows it or acts it. I forgot to mention she came outside and picked me off the ground cause I had fell over dry heaving and she tells me "You're being dramatic" and then I had the whole you don't care about me conversation. She also went inside and had said she wasn't going to leave me out here alone and then proceeded to ask why I didn't put any pants on.
What really shattered me was last weekend, I had only just woken up and the almost one year old puppy was whining with her ears down outside the bathroom door and so my instinct was to bring her outside. I hadn't been awake for 5 minutes yet, my downstairs is open and creaky and everything makes noise, the gate to my other dogs room is the loudest thing right now. But regardless I was trying to be quiet and take care of the dogs. I started my mom's laundry like she asked, I had noticed my brother had woken up and so I wasn't as cautious as I was when I had known he was sleeping. I got back to my room and I had gotten an email from my mom telling me my brother had called her telling her that he wasn't going to my other brothers graduation the next day because "I was being too loud" this blindsided me and honestly I'm not filtered when I just wake up so that insued a whole nasty argument. Which I had sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for hours about because I frankly had no idea what I did. I had done my best to be courteous to him, and she had threatened to make us both stay home and that is in my mind where I decided I was going to kill myself. I honestly never in my life felt so broken, so shattered so unloved and unwanted. That sent me over the edge and I was silent scream sobbing, my eyes looked black from how much I had cried. In the end she realized it was her that had woken him up because she was sitting down there Whispering and talking to that very puppy that whined at me to bring her out. So yeah I got in trouble for her mistake I have the emails cause I screenshotted them to send to friends.
I'm doing my best and right now I'm waiting for my weed to get here Monday so I can numb myself more but I'm surviving for now. Honestly I don't really expect anyone to really read this all the way but it does feel good I guess to have this out. I don't plan on dying anytime soon as of this moment. I have everything to live for but my mindset is so fragile that I had actually looked into buying my own casket or coffin. I saw how much it would cost and I do have the funds to buy it but I'm not going too. I had calculated and premeditated everything but I have enough fight in me and I believe enough energy to try and at least get myself to the end of the summer. Im also going to be visiting my friend that had passed away, it's been 3 years 4 in august..and I wasn't here when he passed and so it'll do me good I think. But I need to focus on finding a job, I need the money inflow so I can start saving again.
Anyways sorry for this long post thanks for reading until the end I appreciate you strangers of the internet.

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Hello all,
Exciting times to see UO in all forms growing, and a wonderful time to be part of the Ultima Online community. These days we see new players to Ultima Online as a whole than in a very long time. As most of you know Outlands is releasing its 2nd expansion tomorrow. I have a 4 year old (as of next week, May 23rd) youtube channel where I post various types of content ranging from Short form clips of streams, random funny shorts using green screen animations, long form content of roleplaying scenarios I have been a part of, various template videos of all play-styles, new player guides, and everything in between. Even a Podcast that just released its 15th monthly episode.
It is my thought that as one/any UO server does well it brings attention to ALL UO servers. I also know that UO can be as casual or as hardcore as you would like it to be as there are no benchmarks within the game. You can roleplay as a drunken cheese dealer in town, or min/max your character trying to find 3% more dps vs the same monsters everyone else is killing, be a pirate on the seas shaking people down for their booty, or a pure crafter creating an empire of wealth with your trade goods. If you are quick enough a thief sticking your hands in others bags and quietly (or forcefully) taking their belongings, or if you are a real savage.. a red murderer delving deep into dungeons anhilating blue do-gooders and taking their plunder and armor off their back, then making a retreat from others whom seek revenge!
It brings a smile to my face, hopping on here as I just did and seeing ENDOR posting about a new expansion. I love seeing my youtube feed recommend me UO Sagas livestream update /developer vlog. The community that backs UO Alive and all the people posting content for that PvE only shard is amazing. I was so happy when Retail UO hired a social media/content creator and she started streaming and is currently making how-to videos over Ultima Online. These are ALL GOOD THINGS for Ultima Online as a whole no matter the server.
Looking at Twitch currently there is 10 people streaming various versions of Ultima Online. at 7am in the morning my time, on a weekday. This is not a peak time. Which I think is fantastic. Some streamers pull 150-200+ viewers during their prime streaming time. A charity streamer in the community named Behrlythere with the help of the UO community; raised $35k+ in a year of streaming to various charities.. Let that sink in for a moment.. a 27 year old wizard game that arguably has the worst starting player controls of any game ever pulling such a loyal audience and is seeing growth in player count throughout the board.
I'll be out of town this weekend for work, but I'll be excited to see the viewer count / streamer count this weekend during Outlands Expansion Release and same with other servers milestones. Which makes me ask a question; what server are you part of.. and what milestones do they have up-ahead? Whether big or small.
Super good times to be part of the growing Ultima Online community.

Hey internet. Question…
TLDR…
I have a gig tomorrow night and I’m wondering if I should reach out to a girl (F28/9?) I (M29) met in December in the weeks before Christmas that I fumbled a casual fling with because I’m a clueless bumbling idiot lol… I’m going to provide the backstory followed by the working text below.
I met this girl after a holiday concert at a bar nearby. It was her birthday And she straight up hit on me at the bar which I’m not used to. Long story short I ended up going home with her and hooked up. I guess she was kinda hammered but I didn’t think she was super drunk at the time. Regardless, she kept saying how sweet and attentive I was, and the next morning we said we both enjoyed the night. It was a little awkward but not too bad. I’ve had ONS before so I get it, but I’m not the type to just hit and quit right away as I don’t date often and I’ll take what I can get lol. She told me she wasn’t really looking to date which I was and am fine with, I just enjoy connecting with women. I didn’t really have a goal in mind but was happy to ride the wave.
I left, we made plans to see eachother again. Was going to meet at a bar but she said I could come to her place since it was more cozy so i suggested a gingerbread house and drinks. She said sure, and since I haven’t dated in a long time due to a past long lingering heartbreak that I’m finally over, I went shopping for homemade margs and gingerbread house stuff before I went to see her again.
Admittedly, I went way overboard with the materials but figured whatever we didn’t use I’d just bring to my family party and we could build gingerbread houses there. I didn’t honestly expect to get very I nvested into the gingerbread house thing, I was pretty indifferent about it, but I come prepared and figured we’d end up sleeping together so it’s be a segue towards that again. Also, since it was Christmas time and her birthday the week prior, at the store I was debating whether or not to get her a $10 poinsettia. Why not. Would it be too much? Idk maybe? I let it be a game time decision and if I decided not I’d have one for my place. Time comes, I think “fuck it” and grab that with all the other completely unnecessary stuff.
I show up to her place with a duffel bag full of gb house materials and mixology stuff to craft good casamigos margs, and this poinsettia. She buzzes me in and on the way up to the TOP FLOOR I drop the plant on her stairs so now there’s dirt everywhere 🤦‍♂️
She sees the ridiculous sight of me and this scene and tells me I didn’t have to do any of that. I guess I just wanted to be nice but I know it was too much in retrospect and kinda going into it? It’s been a while so I didn’t know what to do, alright!
Anyways, I unpack the stuff, make drinks, we talk and kinda get going on the house but quit on it pretty quick lol. We go to the living room, talk a bit, then I realize she had more of a Booty call sitch in her head so we hook up again. Next morning was fine, we had a good time, I said I’d just use all that stuff for a family party which was 💯 true and we go about our days.
We text a while the next week talking music and it was fine, maybe coming on too hard and I ask if she wants to meet up again soon. She says she’s feeling sick and is staying in.
Literally an hour earlier I was talking to my cousin who told me she was sick. I decided to get my cousin a little care package after work. As I’m shopping, I find out this girl is sick too. They’re in nearby neighborhoods in the city.
I told her I was already on a mission and she said not to get her anything or worry about it. I really insisted On it since it honestly wasn’t a big deal to me at all and felt I could get her something to help the pain or whatever. She said she wasn’t being modest and that she had meds there and not to bring anything as it was too much. I backed off and realized I shouldn’t have done that either.
I wait a couple days to give space, text her again, and she sends this
“Hey! All better now thanks.
It’s been fun getting to know you and hanging out but I’m not interested in continuing anything from here. It’s all been a little too much for me so just wanted to be straightforward and let you know. Wishing you the best and a happy holiday!”
I replied with…
“Glad to hear you’re feeling healthy going into the holidays.
Yea, I understand how I could’ve been perceived by you as overzealous.
No worries, thanks for being honest! Same to you, Enjoy the holidays”
I understand that from her perspective it would be weird if a guy was insisting on coming to her place when she said not to. I just figured it ain’t no thang and didn’t think about it at the time. In hindsight, I was treating her like I would’ve treated my ex which is how I ultimately screwed that sitch up. I was ok with a casual thing but didn’t know how to navigate it.
That was in December, where she proceeded to block me on instagram. Whoops. Not how I hoped that’d play out lol I wanted to explain that I know it was too much and I won’t act like that again as we both want something casual. I know it sounds like I didn’t, but I did and do now as well. 8 left it at that and put it behind me.
Well, now it’s May and I’m playing music at the bar we met at which reminded me of that huge fumble. I was curious if I should reach out as I’m wanting to start being a bit proactive again in meeting women. Here’s what I have now below 👇 idk if I should try to communicate that I wouldn’t act like (an idiot) that again or leave the text as is. Or if I should message her on fb (never friends so I wasn’t blocked) or even bother reaching out at all. Doesn’t matter ultimately either way, I’m busy and have a lot I do in life.I did enjoy our brief time together tho and the sex was decent. I guess I’m wondering if a fwb situation is possible anymore if she’s still single.
Unsent text:
“Hey( Woman)! I’m going to have a gig at (the bar we met at) tomorrow night. I haven’t been there since we met so it reminded me of you. I’m sure you’re busy but I just thought I’d reach out and let you know 🤠
If you’re still disinterested in seeing me at all, disregard and I won’t hit you up, no hard feelings”
SO thoughts? I’m talking to a couple people now but haven’t been seeing or hooking up with anyone. Nobody else could come so thought I’d extend an invite