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He’s Not PowerPuff Pantalone, Part 2: Justice for Baizhu?

2024.05.05 01:13 bai-rouran He’s Not PowerPuff Pantalone, Part 2: Justice for Baizhu?

He’s Not PowerPuff Pantalone, Part 2: Justice for Baizhu?
Part 2 to the Foil Theory is here! (Here’s Part 1 for context.) Today, we’re discussing how it relates to the Commedia dell’Arte, Gnosticism, Greek mythology, historical figures, and the greater plot of Genshin Impact. Fair warning: This is long, and I can’t finish this analysis without addressing other major in-game lore, pop-culture references, and real-world history. Stop reading now if you're concerned with possible spoilers.
“Haven’t You Beaten This Topic to Death Already?!”
The first post only served as groundwork for lore & theories. The symbol attributed to Pantalone on the Harbinger’s Wheel is likely the Globus Cruciger, or the “orb and cross.”
https://preview.redd.it/fv67i4wkbhyc1.png?width=168&format=png&auto=webp&s=bd8fecd7de95272ed9df0664536fe50e2d9cf49d
It’s a Christian symbol intended to represent God’s dominion over the world. The orb and cross are sometimes seen alongside the Barmas: a Russian collacrown featuring 7 medallions.
https://preview.redd.it/w6ar7y5qbhyc1.jpg?width=287&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=65698ae9ba494483e323d7acff9d70fe9396f1b9
*There’s a misconception these represent “heresy.” That was how they were treated by another videogame developer, not real-world history. Pantalone is wearing the Globus Cruciger as a ring.
https://preview.redd.it/arsekqemchyc1.jpg?width=668&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d9fd05f3ad85d04d1d2e4de0e9da984463bf025c
Now can we properly discuss Pants. Let's start with Pappus:
The Attelan stock character Pappus may have played a forerunner, or Harbinger, to Pantalone. Given the way formal theatre literature framed this, I chose to investigate Pappus first.
The name Pappus likely originated from the Greek ‘Pappos,’ meaning “grandfather” or “old man.” He was typically portrayed as a fool who was easily tricked by his wife or daughter. He may have been based on Pappus of Alexandria: a Greek mathematician who wrote 8 volumes of mathematical texts featuring Euclidian geometric principles and other subjects (called “Synagoge.”)
What’s Euclidian Geometry? “Euclidean geometry is a mathematical system attributed to ancient Greek mathematician Euclid, which he described in his texts on geometry, “Elements.” Pappus’ own work on projective planes was partly influenced by “Elements.” ‘Elements’ refers to geometric mathematical principles.
The Pappus Configuration is a configuration of nine points and nine lines in the Euclidean plane, with three points per line and three lines through each point.
That’s cool, but… I’m here for the gorgeous banker? Okay, okay. As I researched Pappus, it became evident that some works and terminology associated with him and Euclid may have been repurposed along with Gnostic premises for Genshin Impact’s plot. I’m operating on the assumption Hoyoverse read some of the same formal sources I did, so it feels criminal to omit these details. Moving on…

Commedia dell’Arte Pantalone
He’s consistent in his behaviomannerisms, and his role in the plot. He’s typically an affluent Venetian merchant whose greatest fear is financial loss, and encompasses everything his (proposed) primary inspiration isn’t.
Pantalone is rich, greedy, lecherous, pompous, and prone to mismanaging business and personal affairs. He’s often partnered with Il Dottore in some capacity, sometimes married to La Signora, and often the father of one of the Innamorati. When he plays the father of one of the Innamorati alongside Dottore, they work together to keep the Lovers separated at all costs.
Some players discounted the Commedia dell’Arte influence on the Fatui Harbinger’s lore because it was comedic. However, “our” Pantalone is somewhat consistent with his Commedia dell’Arte image, and there are several Lazzos/background history that seem to have been foreshadowed already. Here’s an amazing example featuring Pulcinella:
-Lazzo of the Inside (Potential Pulcinella Spoilers)
To create the illusion of ferociousness, Pulcinella (hidden behind a door from the Captain) fakes the voices of servants being beaten by him. That’s the entire punchline of this Lazzo.
-Lazzo of Greeting (Potential Pulcinella Spoilers)
“Pulcinella greets the Captain or another character with what seems like great respect. He says, "You are the son of Jove, the new moon, and twice the last name of Alexander!" Then, Pulcinella explains, "The son of Jove refers to Bacchus, who is depicted as a goat. The new moon is represented by horns, and the last name of Alexander is Magno. When repeated twice, it becomes magno-magno. So, the entire greeting means: 'Eat it up, eat it up, you horned goat [cuckold].'"
In Genshin Impact, Tartaglia speaks of Pulcinella as a concerned-grandpa-type looking out for his family, while Wanderer is convinced that Pulcinella’s real message to Tartaglia is something to the effect of “your family’s lives are in my hands.” These Lazzo tells us who’s more likely to be correct. Pulcinella being made out to be as malicious as he’s implied may be an illusion, and he may not share the loyalty/regard to the organization that other members do in spite of his cooperative front. Wanderer’s take on his behavior speaks only to affirming personal biases. (Keep in mind that Wanderer assumes the worst of everyone, and that About voicelines alone don’t necessarily speak to the full truth; only the character’s perception of the truth.)

Lazzo of Pantalone’s Story

“Pantalone begins to tell ridiculous and impossible stories about adventures he has supposedly had with well-known figures from medieval/ancient history.”
The punchline is that he talks about this at great lengths, and nobody believes him. I questioned how Hoyoverse may have used this Lazzo, and came at it from several angles that all felt equally ridiculous. It got messier when I factored in the possibilities behind other popular theories. He’s King Deshret, he’s a Vishap-person, he’s Nibelung, he’s Changsheng’s evil segment, he’s Rouran, he’s Ouroboros incarnate, he’s the one who founded the Wangshang Funeral Parlor, he’s Baizhu moonlighting as a Harbinger, he’s a priest who ventured into the Abyss, he’s an Abyss Mage/Lector, he’s the Heart of Naberius, he’s a soldier who fell into the Chasm, he’s Caribert, he’s immortal Clothar Alberich, etc.
In the end, I chose to interpret this as “Pantalone is ancient, and has likely played more than one historical role in Genshin Impact.” Why?
https://preview.redd.it/ajip2vykfhyc1.jpg?width=1432&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b059c939bf35fa24e13394f11650edc5bdedce13
1: Saint Pantaleon/Pantaleimon, Christian healer & martyr in Greek-speaking Roman City of Nicomedia:
https://preview.redd.it/tsbk2myofhyc1.jpg?width=205&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=87e95b2fe8ea409732c8ada8e5e0ed6004b29870
St. Pantaleon (meaning ‘all things like a lion,) better known as St. Pantaleimon (the all-compassionate) is commonly suggested to have inspired Commedia Pantalone, making Commedia Pantalone a traditional foil to his real-world counterpart. Born and raised with a Pagan education during Diocletian’s persecution of Christians, Pantaleon gravitated to medicine. One day, he happened upon a child who’d been killed by a viper. Saving the child was beyond his power as a mortal physician, and Pagan gods wouldn’t come through. As a test of faith, he prayed to God. The child was revived, & the viper was killed. He’s renamed Pantaleimon, usually upon converting to Christianity.
He went on to treat everyone without charge (including restoring a blind man’s sight to convert his father,) and treated prisoners freely too, many of whom were Christians. Jealous doctors who’d lost patients to Pantaleimon’s goodwill responded by reporting him to Emperor Maximian for healing Christians. Emperor Maximian ordered Pantaleimon to sacrifice to Pagan gods, but he refused and proposed a test of faith. A sick person for whom there was no hope would be brought before them, and each would pray to God/Pagan Gods to see who came through. They brought in a paralyzed man. Pagan Gods didn’t respond. Pantaleimon un-paralyzed the man using the power of God. Now playing “Big Mad,” Maximian responded by killing the unparalyzed guy, and sentencing Pantaleimon to torture. However, the power of God protected Pantaleimon from a ton of your usual Roman violence (boiling, stabbing, etc) so Maximian ordered his execution.
At the site of his execution, God called down to him. The soldier's swords softened upon their attempts to execute him. He forgave the soldiers ordered to kill him, they repented, he told them to off him anyway to protect them, and he was beheaded. However, his body refused to decay.
St. Pantaleimon is the best evidence Pantalone plays a foil to Genshin Impact’s Baizhu, and the best evidence of a potential Alberich/Khaenri’ah allegory.
Baizhu is currently following a path similar to Pantaleimon’s. Though he extorted Pantalone indirectly over the Everlasting Incense, he’s also known to treat people freely when they can’t afford him. He’s the pharmacist from Liyue we work with to cure Anna’s illness, and he used his research on Qiqi to save Jialiang's life. He’s currently in pursuit of immortality, which Pantaleimon appeared to achieve in the end, and was ultimately killed for.
The narrative similarities to Clothar’s pleas to the Statue of the Seven in saving Caribert are too flagrant to ignore. The Archons don’t answer, but the “Sinner” did, and imbued Caribert with the Loom of Fate (said to be of Primordial Creation) saving Caribert. This story may imply that the “Sinner” is some aspect of the Primordial One.
2: Pantaleon/Pantaleimon Sudzhaksky:
https://preview.redd.it/s5i0qz5tfhyc1.png?width=259&format=png&auto=webp&s=cf83222e16a669c9ce0caf3e7fe31236aa830985
I could only find Bulgarian Orthodox & Russian Orthodox sources mentioning this variation of St. Pantaleimon’s background. Some are conflicting on whether healing was involved. He was born into extreme poverty, sent to work in an old shoe shop and doing other odd jobs from a young age to survive. A terrible plague swept across his homeland, and he was left wandering alone, surrounded by endless death. He sought understanding/help, and ended up in a monastery on Mount Athos (an important Greek center of Eastern Orthodox Monostacism.) He inquired persistently as to the nature of life and death, and became fixated on partaking in Holy Communion, believing it to bestow eternal life. He would eventually be expelled for partaking in excess, and went on to become a religious leader whose followers lived in poverty. He believed communion to be their salvation; everlasting connection to God. He was persecuted by the Greek patriarch, and arrested under orders of the Bishop of Adrianople. However, he and his followers would go on to unite with the Catholic Church. He was later venerated in Bulgaria and Russia as Saint Pantaleimon, suggesting multiple “St. Pantaleimon” inspirations. 1 article claims he founded a religion known as Pantaleymonovsty: I can't find anything else to expand on this.
His story is similar to Baizhu’s with the loss of his parents during a plague and pursuit of immortality, but more closely resembles Pantalone’s, given his implied profound experience with destitution, and rhetoric dictated by religion & leadership. This St. Pantaleimon lends more credence to the Foil theory, as well as several Liyue and religion-oriented theories, which leads me to…
3. Holy Prophet Mani, the Zoroastrian Martyr:
https://preview.redd.it/uq4w8z0xfhyc1.png?width=419&format=png&auto=webp&s=1805da0ff16a3e8d3e1d3f60d16722992f5ee061
I generally avoid using Wikipedia summaries, but when formal sources back them up and I can’t find a better way to summarize info, they’re helpful.
“Mani was an Iranian prophet and the founder of Manichaeism, a religion most prevalent in late antiquity. The exact meaning of the name is a question still unsolved. It may have derived from Babylonian-Aramaic Mânâ [luminescence].” Mandaeans used the term mânâ rabba, which means "Enlightened Lord/King". Ancient Greek interpretations were skeuos (σκεῦος, vessel, instrument) and homilia (ὁμιλία, intercourse, company, communion, instruction.)
Here’s where the Foil theory gets interesting:
Baizhu’s birthday is April 25th. This is also the date commemorating Mani’s birth.
A prophet who blended Gnosticism with Buddhist and Zoroastrian elements, Mani was arrested and martyred by Persian authorities, not unlike St. Pantaleimon. Meanwhile, our Pantalone is looking… An awful lot like a conglomeration of a different Saint Pantaleimon, and Commedia Pantalone.
4. King Pantaleon/Panteleimon:
https://preview.redd.it/ju1w6tk9ghyc1.jpg?width=571&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d3fb6167f25c69d8c69ecceea7e6fc586e6414e1
King Pantaleon was a Greek King and successor to Demetrius I Anicetus the ‘Unconquered,’ who is thought by some to have been his brother. His copper-alloy coins may be suggestive of early Bactrian trade with China. His role is consistent with the ‘ruling with the authority of God’ sentiment behind the Globus Cruciger, and involves production of personalized currency.
5: Rouran Khaganate, "Zhongli"+ "Xiao", & "Pantaleon y las Visitadoras"
https://preview.redd.it/euhe6hunc41d1.png?width=696&format=png&auto=webp&s=9da881406ffe7b2ae3bd6b8fa1ea9a2f1941c0d2
Modernization/assimilation (Alatus = Xiao, Deus Auri = Zhongli, Abrax = Aberaku, etc) is a common theme Pantalone may have followed as an ancient entity. Considering this and his connection to Baizhu lends credence to the Rouran coin-replacement-as-warfare theory discussed in the first post. Furthermore, one of the last recorded Rouran was named Furen.
There’s also some interesting misinformation that Hoyo may have been inspired by to explain the similarities to Pantalone’s pose in Winter Night’s Lazzo, and the Harbinger’s cloaks. One historian/linguistic expert claimed linguistic origins revealed ‘Rouran’ may not have been a name, but an ancient term for anyone who defected from their nation/allegiance to serve a charismatic warlord. I say ‘misinformation’ because this was disproven by another historian. (The Rouran Khaganate overall is very misunderstood.)
Thanks to user Kameshazam, the "Pantalone is Rouran" theory may have been proven! Recall from the 1st post that "Rouran" owns the Flower Boat (referencing prostitution vessels) set in the harbor opposite of Bubu Pharmacy.
"Pantaleon y las Visitadoras" is a Peruvian comedic novel by Mario Vargas Llosa (allegedly based on real events) featuring a Captain Pantaleon Pantoja. Pantaleon is reluctantly sent on a mission by the Peruvian Army to... Cultivate a secret prostitution service intended to "satisfy" soldiers stationed there. Despite his misgivings, he follows orders. The services are referred to as "benefits" under an "audit" program, and the prostitutes are referred to as "visitadoras." Pantaleon becomes involved with one of the women, cheating on his wife with her. The woman is later assassinated by angry locals. In response, Pantaleon shows up to her funeral dressed in military attire, confirming to the public what was going on behind the scenes in the army. The resulting complaints ultimately end the "services," and the army sends Pantaleon to a garrison far away. Yet again, a Pantalone reference featuring leadership and conflicting morality.
6. Emperor Wang Mang:
https://preview.redd.it/4ry1lnpsghyc1.png?width=276&format=png&auto=webp&s=aa92e4d2c85750b27f29f7d1d3034604fc58c1e5
Again, because of Baizhu’s connection to Pantalone, we need to consult both Russian and Chinese history for analysis. To that end, recall Zhiyi, Pantalone’s cunning subordinate and the antagonist of Yelan’s Story Quest?
小钱币,值一 , or Xiǎo qiánbì, zhí yī, meaning ‘Small Coin, Worth One’ were introduced as the lowest denomination of a new currency system under Emperor Wang Mang’s rule of China. Wang Mang was considered China’s first Socialist. Zhiyi’s name in Yelan’s Story Quest may be a reference to this, a homonym essentially calling him low value – or as Uncle Tian puts it the EN translation, a “pawn.”
\Please note that there are multiple ways this was translated in different historical sources; if you attempt to use basic translating apps to investigate, you’re probably going to get nonsense-sounding results.*
Emperor Wang Mang was a Confucian ascetic who rose to power through his good standing. Wang Mang secured his position as Regent to the Emperor Ping by arranging a marriage between the Emperor and his own daughter. Later, it’s said that Wang Mang’s son conspired with the Emperor’s Uncles to end his regency. They were all put to death on Wang Mang’s orders for the ‘conspiracy.’ Emperor Ping would later die by unknown causes; whether it was natural, or a matter of poisoning is debated by historians. Wang Mang replaced him. He was known for his efforts to reform society through use of forward-thinking foreign policy, the imposition of taxes on slave owners, and currency replacement, though these efforts didn’t go over well. His intentions in all of this are uncertain; was he sincerely trying to help his people, or did he merely see these methods as a means of securing wealth and control? Whether he was ultimately a tyrant or a benevolent ruler is debated depending on the source.
More conflicting intentions and wealth inequality. He's easily likened to the contradictory impressions of Pantalone behaving like Commedia Pantalone (who also leveraged his child to benefit economically/politically) while wearing symbols related to the ‘all-compassionate’ Pantaleimon, like the Heart of Gold motif. That said, Emperor Wang Mang didn’t use currency replacement as a form of intercontinental warfare or defect to other countries, and other nuances to his background directly contradict Pantalone’s, which is why I concluded the Rouran Khaganate to be the other aspect to the monetary warfare/reform inspiration.
7. Commedia Pantalone
https://preview.redd.it/781xfg34hhyc1.png?width=230&format=png&auto=webp&s=30cd6d131000704f6db4ee3dd7e8433dbfe43acc
‘Our’ Pantalone and his associates encompass the extravagant and cruel nature depicted in his Commedia role so far. His subordinates are terrified of him, and they tend to operate in very underhanded ways: espionage, sabotage, monopolization of resources, even turning on one another when things get rough to come out on top.
A prime example of the company he keeps? The Rusty Rudder in Fontaine. It’s full of Pantalone’s sketchy associates, including a debt collector who hints at an imminent meeting and forcefully bribes us. You can find a correspondence between criminals in codewords, threatening to make unsuitable business partners wear “cement shoes”; in other words, threatening to tie them up, attach a weight to them, and drown them in the ocean. You can also find a bill referencing the suspicious transaction of 3 mysterious items we accidentally helped Pantalone complete with Landa when we first entered Liyue, as well as an article clipping referencing the fall of the criminal organization “Club Pantaloni di Novela” to the Spina di Rosula, further referencing the tendency of Commedia Pantalone’s plans to fail.
Arlecchino’s voiceline regarding him suggests he’s subtly temperamental; not as controlled as he believes himself to be, which tracks with Commedia Pantalone and Luoxia’s description of Rouran.
Furthermore, he purchased the pelt of an extinct legendary beast to offer as a gift to the Tsaritsa. Yelan stole it and repurposed it as a mantle as payback for Pantalone having stolen one of her Fascinating Bracelets. Both items were ancient (Yelan mentions the technology behind the bracelet is ancient,) but Pantalone seemed to have intimate knowledge to target them as he did, further implying “our” Pantalone possesses “old” knowledge related to Liyue. Traditional theatre instructions of Pantalone, Tartaglia, Dottore, and sometimes Capitano refer to them as “old men.”
8. Pappus:
https://preview.redd.it/44mz3y6ahhyc1.png?width=139&format=png&auto=webp&s=86ba93efacf20230cd59c7a7c62ac0771559ab31
The Attelan Farce refers to the Roman improvised masked comedies the Commedia dell’Arte was said to be inspired by. There’s a great deal of emphasis on Pappus’ age in the Attelan stock, with his name being the only one derived from Oscan; an extinct Italian language. (Capitano and Pulcinella are also thought to draw direct inspiration from other Attelan characters, though the details are debated.) Pappus’ foolishness is also emphasized like Commedia Pantalone’s, and real-world Pappus’ contributions to Euclidian Geometry as a skilled mathematician contrast against this starkly.
Genshin Pantalone is Baizhu’s Foil Commedia Pantalone is St. Pantaleimon’s Foil Commedia Pantalone is Commedia Il Dottore’s Comic Foil Attelan Stock Pappus is Commedia Pantalone’s Harbinger Attelan Stock Pappus is Pappus of Alexandria’s Foil
9. Enkanomiya Quests, The Legend of Zelda, Domain Murals, & Pantalone’s Design:
The ascending eyelet pattern on Pantalone’s shirt resembles the same eyelet pattern present in Domain murals, Seals, the Spiral Abyss dooportal, and certain sea entities
https://preview.redd.it/9b95b81jhhyc1.png?width=808&format=png&auto=webp&s=9afb1c92ed762af2e148a40b0436c1dee1aea0fd
Be warned that by addressing this, I might be spoiling serious plot points.
“The Pale Princess & the 6 Pygmies” The repeating pattern of 6 eyelets made this impossible for me to overlook. Lisa gives us the first volume at the very beginning of the game. We haven’t seen another since. Why? It holds weighty implications about the creation of the world & how the plot will progress. Some believed this story exclusively referenced Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, and I agreed… Until I researched Pantalone, Enkanomiya, and Greek history. Then I spent a drunken evening saltily pulling it all apart again, with focus on the Night Mother. Why? Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, and Cinderella all took influence from older Greek or Roman mythology. (One example is the story of Chione, or ‘Snow.’ )
An Enkanomiyan Questline titled “Erebos’ Secret” had us endure 3 trials in the corners of Enkanomiya with the help of Eboshi. Finishing this questline dropped major lore. Many assumed ‘Erebos’ & ‘Eboshi’ were references to the assimilation of Enkanomiyans into Narukami culture.
However, the symbol representing the Questline and other World Quests tells a different story, (as does the history behind the name Erebos.) The symbol just so happens to resemble the brooch Pantalone is wearing, which leads us to:
https://preview.redd.it/sja95wess50d1.png?width=964&format=png&auto=webp&s=fb08ba45a084eda1c28b66e98913a3a3c0e9d46a
Yes, I’m likening Pantalone to Ganondorf in Twilight Princess, representing the Demiurge. The Odal Rune’s inversion on the brooch suggests Pants doesn’t possess the “natural” right to rule the world, which is how Phanes, the Demiurge in certain Gnostic beliefs, is regarded. Its position is akin to the position of Ganondorf’s fragment of the Triforce, and Ganondorf believes himself to be a rightful King. If you’ve never played the Zelda series, it revolves around the power of the Triforce, and the incarnations of Link, Zelda, and Ganondorf fighting the same battles of good and evil in different periods/worlds. Ganondorf is a Sorcerer King born with the innate right to rule the Gerudo. Ganon covets Hyrule Kingdom for the light and peace it holds (very unlike the dry, harsh Gerudo Desert) and attacks Hyrule. He’s caught and imprisoned in the Arbiter’s Grounds, sentenced to be executed by the 6 Sages.
https://preview.redd.it/8xd1kc0vt50d1.png?width=479&format=png&auto=webp&s=fb51e744b73a5424b3c0b5f0b8ae1c84b9966030
However, by some “divine prank,” the Sages are unable to execute him. As it turns out, he possesses the Triforce of Power – equated to the power of the Demiurge, as Din’s Power was said to have “shaped” the world from existing elements in Ocarina of Time.
https://preview.redd.it/a3ws3gzyt50d1.png?width=998&format=png&auto=webp&s=a54e054cd88b7ce58927b6d4b00df4e52226ca54
Sounding anything like Pantaleimon’s execution? The difference is that Ganon is innately evil. I don’t believe Pantalone is innately evil, otherwise there wouldn’t be hints towards his being in conflict with his emotions.
Moving on, if you research Erebos in the contexts of Greek mythology & Gnosticism (also spelled as Erebus) you’ll learn that he’s a Primordial God of Darkness, often Nyx’s counterpart in Primordial creation. Nyx is a Greek Primordial Goddess born in the darkness. She has many names across different cultures, and is often likened to Gaea.
The “Night Mother” represents Nox/Nyx in Greek & Gnostic beliefs. Looking at Nyx’s relationships in Cosmogony alongside Erebos allows us to explore the roles they can play. Genshin suggests Chronos and Ananke play a part (by way of the Domain floors featuring 2 golden, intertwined serpents/dragons.) Chronos and Ananke are serpentine entities said to squeeze the egg Phanes was born from. So we can focus on cosmological dynamics where Chronos and Ananke (or an egg) come “first.” For example:
-Some beliefs say that Nyx and Erebos can be born of Chaos (with Chaos taking the form of an egg.) They go on to create Aether and Hemera. -Others say Chaos comes first, followed by Nyx and Erebus. Then, Aether, Eros, and Metis are born. (Metis is sometimes used as an alternate name for Phanes.) -Yet other beliefs say that Nyx and Phanes can be born of Chronos and Ananke (who squeezed the egg to allow for their births.) They can be wife/husband or daughtefather.
Erebos' role as a partner creator-God to Nyx can be conflated with Phanes' role between some belief systems (although Erebos and Phanes are never directly/officially conflated. They either both exist as distinct entities, or only 1 of them plays a part in the belief system at all.) Together, they create more primordial entities to found the universe, but Nyx goes forgotten. For the “Supernatural” fans inevitably going OH MY GOD right now… Yes, you could liken them to Chuck and Amara. The ending to "Supernatural" was also informed by Greek & Roman mythology, and some Gnostic principles: Fortuna herself grew to believe in Sam and Dean’s self-determined heroism.
https://preview.redd.it/d3acp4jzu50d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=c60050f2f3af331c26bd611e7151c660fc396b76
Furthermore, in the Book of Genesis, it’s said that in the beginning of creation, God separated the Darkness from the rest of creation to protect it.
“The Separation of Light from Darkness is, from the perspective of the Genesis chronology, the first of nine central panels that run along the center of Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel ceiling and which depict scenes from the Book of Genesis. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.”
So what is Erebos’ Secret?
-Eboshi’s secret regards the Unified Civilization and evolution of Vishaps
-Eboshi’s trials betray the identity of Phanes through the Legend of Zelda reference
-Erebos’ secret regards the fluidity of cosmogonies/roles between Greek and Gnostic sects, opening up a number of doors for interpretation in-game. If we keep trying to define roles in Genshin by one specific story or belief system’s canonical telling, we’ll miss a lot of nuance.
To that end, Erebos can also be “Aether’s” father. I’m referring to the Greek Aether.
Pantalone in the Commedia dell’Arte is the Father of one of the Innamorati. Before you go “but the Travelers aren’t the Innamorati,” hear me out.
https://preview.redd.it/i6thvslmv50d1.png?width=422&format=png&auto=webp&s=3ecebe2d36746c44f5e87cc159fa40008001f0b1
The Innamorati virtually never don masks in the original Commedia dell’Arte, and Genshin Impact went out of its way to make us wear a mask in Mondstadt. This drew players away from the assumption that the Twins represented the Lovers. I felt like it was a misdirection. So I also investigated the Innamorati, and their influence on later storytelling. Many popular stories are thought to have directly spun off of the dynamic between the Lovers.
The key takeaway about the Innamorati's influence ultimately wasn’t that they were lovers, but that their pursuit of one another drove the greater plot. A modern example would be Naruto and Sasuke's relationship in Naruto/Shippuden.
The Twins absolutely can be the Innamorati in modern storytelling, which means ‘Pantalone’ has the capacity to act as a ‘Father.’
It’s not a coincidence that the brooch Pantalone is wearing features the upside-down Odal rune in the same position as the ‘power’ segment of the Triforce when you consider the implications of the Globus Cruciger in godliness and authority to rule, and Genshin’s admission to having taken significant influence from Breath of the Wild. What could this make Pants, given his fixation with the natural rights of humanity? Daddy. The Father.
The ‘androgynous’ Phanes – or I should say, a part of Phanes. Which leads us to…

Cosmic Dualism, Baizhu, the Nag Hammadi, Manichaeism, and Phanes

Cosmic dualism relates to Gnostic principles of forces in opposition, similar (but not the same) to concepts like Yin-Yang. Depending on the belief system, it can regard the opposition of the material world and 'evil' God, framed against the immaterial and 'true' God. This is among the reasons why Baizhu is contrasted against Pantalone, and why they both feature black-and-white rhetoric and motifs.
'Cycles' regarding time and history are constants in-game. I suspect Phanes/his Shades ended up subject to Teyvat's ‘cycle.’ I have no idea how/when. So why would I draw this conclusion?
When I was doing my Pantalone/Baizhu analysis, I kept challenging my own take because they share so much in common besides their looks. Baizhu delayed naming Bubu Pharmacy to just start treating patients, and then named Bubu Pharmacy using anti-Gods wordplay. Pantalone complained about naming the Credit Coupons as he hatched the “removing Zhongli’s authority and replacing Mora” plan, and then gave them a similarly symbolic name.
So here was my reasoning: -What would you call 2 people who share the same ‘essence’ without being the same person? -What if they share the same soul? That’s a popular concept in many cultures, especially regarding Twins

There are distinct references to this concept in the Nag Hammadi, as well as references from Mani’s belief system.

The Nag Hammadi, an ancient and badly damaged Gnostic text, is full of references to worlds where souls go to be purified. It discusses models and copies of souls being transferred from one “path” to the next. (These obscure passages may also relate to Visions, but that part’s just supposition.)
-“[Souls] are located according to the power they have in themselves, [...] lower are produced by the copies. Those who receive a model of their souls are still in the world. They came into being after the departure of the aeons, one by one, and they are removed one by one from the copy of Exile to the Exile that really exists, from the copy of Repentance to the Repentance that really exists, [and from the] copy of Autogenes to [the Autogenes] that really exists. The remainder [...] the souls [...] exist in a [...] all [...] of aeons [...]
-( …) “He said, "[Zost]rianos, listen about these [...] for the first [...] origins are three because they have appeared in a single origin [of] the Barbelo aeon, not like some origins and powers, nor like (one) from an origin and power. It is to every origin that they have appeared; they have strengthened every power; and they appeared from that which is far better than themselves. These (three) are Existence, Blessedness and Life.”
Meanwhile, Mani taught how the soul of a righteous individual returns to Paradise upon dying, but "the soul of the person who persisted in things of the flesh – fornication, procreation, possessions, cultivation, harvesting, eating of meat, drinking of wine – is condemned to rebirth in a succession of bodies."
“According to biographies preserved by ibn al-Nadim and the Persian polymath al-Biruni, Mani received a revelation as a youth from a spirit, whom he would later call his "Twin" (Imperial Aramaic: תאומא tɑʔwmɑ, from which is also derived the Greek name of Thomas the Apostle, Didymus; the "twin"), Syzygos (Koinē Greek: σύζυγος "spouse, partner", in the Cologne Mani-Codex), "Double," "Protective Angel," or "Divine Self." This spirit taught him wisdom that he then developed into a religion. It was his "Twin" who brought Mani to self-realization. Mani claimed to be the Paraclete of the Truth promised by Jesus in the New Testament." Paraclete is a Christian biblical term occurring five times in the Johannine texts of the New Testament. In Christian works, the word typically refers to the Holy Spirit, translated as 'advocate', 'counsellor' or 'helper'.”
The ‘Old men’ from the commedia are often Pantalone, Dottore, and Tartaglia – all of whom have at least 1 additional ‘version’ of themselves canonically confirmed in Genshin Impact. Dottore is almost obsessive about preserving ‘perspectives.’
We find notes on a play “Ajax” was part of as the 2nd strongest member of his alliance from hundreds of years ago, while “our” Ajax exists presently. Dottore has his whole obsession with preserving “perspectives” while taking offense to being called “young.” Baizhu therefor fits as Pantalone’s 'other self,' explaining the implied age gap; Pantalone lived into another cycle while his ‘model’ was incarnated yet again.
In other words, Baizhu isn't Pantalone in disguise: they have unique life experiences and conflicting perspectives while sharing base likenesses because they’re the same ‘essence’ on divergent paths, not unlike the Travelers. Whether or not they’ve met and influenced one another has yet to be seen.

All Roads Lead to Phanes, proposed to be the Primordial One

Here's where it becomes crack-theory territory. Please be kind in your response to these suppositions, because I spent weeks researching academic sources from JSTOR, and my fingers hurt.
https://preview.redd.it/t7vo8e3o660d1.png?width=1347&format=png&auto=webp&s=90edd813ed4d0d4e0cc8cd018801553582f9ef7e
I’m not claiming any of this is a guarantee of how Hoyo will treat this dynamic, but I’m struggling to form other conclusions:
Pantalone’s represented by the Globus Cruciger, a Christian symbol representing God’s dominion over the world. There's a ton of symbolism in the stories inspiring Baizhu and Pantalone’s rhetoric regarding religion, martyrdom, healing, economics, and inequality, suggesting they’re connected by far more than their designs. Baizhu and Pantalone’s rhetoric regard humanity’s plights.
...But Pantalone has an inhuman appearance; pointed ears somewhat similar to Neuvillette’s, and eyes hidden, presumably because they reveal something very distinct about him.
I’ve checked Baizhu’s model. His right ear appears normal; the left is concealed by his hair. As for his eyes, we’ve confirmed they were altered as a consequence of his contract with Changsheng; both the shape of his pupils and the color of the iris were swapped. So Baizhu’s natural eyes were violet-red and human; Pantalone’s may also be red, but inhuman
-The simplest explanation is that Phanes was said to be beautiful and inhuman. But given they hid Pantalone's eyes...
-If I stretch, perhaps Vishap-people were a thing during the Roman-inspired empires, they eventually grew to identify with humanity, and our Pantalone may have been reborn as the human-vishap blend Enjou discussed with us in Enkanomiya to repent for what Phanes did to the Sovereigns. Vishap-people are said to be mostly indistinguishable from humans, but with altered pupils. Enjou wasn’t the most reliable narrator, but this Version mentioned the "Traitorous Dragonheirs” in Remuria’s history, Petrichor is based on Italy (and may also reference the Greek village of Pantaleimonas,) Pappus’ name in the Atellan stock implies he’s ancient Italian, Pantalone's early background closely fits St. Pantaleimon Sudzhaksky's, and Repentance is mentioned repeatedly in the Nag Hammadi.
-The alternate STRETCH is that we shouldn’t interpret the “Christian" reference literally in Pantalone's case, and he’s following the path Enjou implied by joining the Harbingers. Enjou suggested Vishaps evolved in Enkanomiya to infiltrate/sabotage human ranks. He could be Nibelung, King of Dragons himself - or someone who believes in Nibelung’s authority as the King (Pulcinella allegedly has lore-based connections to Nibelung, and he and Pantalone are cooperating on Project Stuzha.) Collection of the Gnoses would reveal the ‘true’ God, and the Sovereigns power was stolen by the Primordial One.
So, would their unity reveal Nibelung or Phanes? It’s unclear how that sentiment’s going to be defined in Genshin Impact. One possibility is that Pantalone is Nibelung’s equivalent, and Baizhu is Phanes’ equivalent.
But it gets more tedious when you read Vera’s Melancholy, which implies eyeball-eating-aliens-writing-stories-for-interdimensional-worlds vibes. One of the main characters was Ike, a black-haired boy with glasses + tendency to monologue, and they were from ‘Delphi,’ a real place in Greece. Another character in the story claimed to have "fused" with a dragon.
Teyvat's natural order is draconic. Ouroboros is a persistent theme in-game. It informs Beidou’s design/lore, and it’s also described as a natural ‘phenomenon’ discovered by Enkanomiyans, used to create the Serpent’s Heart. Ouroboros can be depicted as a snake or dragon consuming itself: as a representation of eternal creation and destruction.
You could argue Nibelung, the King of Dragons, would be the “true” God per the Orphic Gnostic belief systems. Ophites (a derogatory term from the Greek Ophis, ‘serpent,' coined by Hippolytus) venerated the Serpent in the Bible because it was seen to have enlightened humanity.
https://preview.redd.it/l25rb6vophyc1.jpg?width=294&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b42378490894e43741acb61a1555b725146c730b
Regardless of how the details are panned out, they are most likely God/Shades in some respect, and they’ve been subjected to the cyclical-incarnational nature of Teyvat. So now for residual thoughts:
On the Baizhu/Pantalone end, there’s potential foreshadowing in Baizhu’s Story Details. Genshin explains that he's in conflict with Hu Tao, but that they and Zhongli all play a part in life and death, as it’s where their empathy/concerns overlap completely.
Zhongli is popularly proposed as one of the Shades. I might agree now. If we contemplate the “Pantalone founded the Wangshang Funeral Parlor” theory I've seen floating around, he’d be double-foiled against Baizhu with Hu Tao as an allegory, and again connected to Zhongli.
I haven’t researched Capitano in depth yet, but some players allege he may have played more than one role in Genshin’s history, too. Similarly, there are some narrative consistencies to suggest that Dottore is connected to Shiruyeh, the Lord of Pestilence; if this pattern is accurate, then Shiruyeh could be a wronged past “self” of Dottore’s. Dottore seems more than intelligent enough to have noticed these patterns himself, given all of “Zandik’s” research across Sumeru. Accordingly, he may be creating segments as a way to ensure he never forgets the truth while he resists the cycle.
Ei & the Raiden Shogun may foreshadow what the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles is: a puppet acting on orders independent of its leader, because its leadeShades have been absent and/or ignorant to their own identities. This may be why Celestia is decaying, and why Baizhu/Pantalone would be related while suffering the very consequences of the cycle of incarnation.

The Takeaway?

Pantalone and Baizhu are a HUGE DEAL in Genshin Impact’s greater plot, the Foil theory is absolutely spot-on, and some popular theories as to Pantalone’s identity are probably simultaneously true for one reason or another. We can’t rule out many theories from this info, as some of it is conflicting. That’s why I came to the conclusion that they were inspired by numerous historical figures, with 'Godliness' being the main consistency.
As before, thanks for reading, share your thoughts, and have a day!
submitted by bai-rouran to Genshin_Lore [link] [comments]


2024.04.30 15:26 notabanneduserhere Is this a scam or am i dumb. The paimemt didt go trough so i paid again but never got a refund for the first one

Is this a scam or am i dumb. The paimemt didt go trough so i paid again but never got a refund for the first one submitted by notabanneduserhere to Aliexpress [link] [comments]


2024.04.09 09:40 deppleApp Kroger Weekly Ad Apr 10 - 16, 2024

Kroger Weekly Ad Apr 10 - 16, 2024 submitted by deppleApp to weeklyads [link] [comments]


2024.03.23 18:18 Professional_March54 The Seriel Prankster Called Back

We've been training our newest members of staff, not to answer the phone when the number is unlisted. Because he likes to hide his number. I happened to call last night while I was showing one of the probies how a couple of the new coupons work. I took it, just in case it was legit but my gut said otherwise. It went a bit like this.
Me: Thank you for choosing Domino's. My name is Professional_March. How can I help you today?
Useless Waste of Air: Uh yeah. This is Junior. I'd like to order delivery.

Me: You do know that prank calling is a crime right? Like you will go to prison. Maybe not tonight, but you'll mess up and you'll be so done.
U.W.o.A: Fuck you, you r******* b****!
I promptly hung up on him and warned everyone that he was a live a wire this evening.
He called back SEVENTEEN times. We just kept picking up the receiver and putting him on hold.
Like dude. Seriously. Get a life.
submitted by Professional_March54 to Dominos [link] [comments]


2024.03.09 16:03 normancrane Pretty Pink Confetti

I'll tell you everything I told the police.
I never liked my boss. He was a jerk and treated me like trash. For years I meekly took it. Something went wrong; he'd blame me. An advancement opportunity arose for which I was perfectly qualified; he'd recommend somebody else. He never greeted me in the mornings or asked about my weekend. He never remembered my birthday. He was cruel, and an expert at playing people against one another. Over the years, he played most of them against me. So, yes, I had every reason to hate him. And as my hatred reached its boiling point, I needed a release. In a sense you could even say I snapped, but it was snapping by my standards. I didn't want to go postal. All I wanted was to order a confetti bomb.
Because I'd never done anything like that, I didn't know the first thing about it. For example, I knew there were websites, but not which ones were good, or even which ones were legitimate, so I chose at random and settled on the one I did because the design was nice, the prices seemed reasonable and they accepted BTC. The ordering process was simple. All I had to do after typing in my email (a freshly created fake one) and selecting a target address was choose a confetti level: low, medium, high, or beautiful pink. Because I wanted to get him good, I chose the last option, imagining it would be the hardest to clean up after.
I paid, pressed submit, and that was it.
Three days later, I received a video in my inbox.
I played it.
It started off black but with sound. I heard a doorbell, my boss' voice asking if he had to sign for delivery, some faint knocking about, then a loud thud as if a box had been set down. Next I heard the un-blading of a utility knife and cardboard being cut.
A deafening bang!
As darkness faded away to colours and sunlight: a rain of multi-coloured confetti fell inside a ritzy-looking living room.
I saw my boss covered in confetti, brushing it from his hair and wiping it off his cheeks—but the look on his face wasn't one of surprise, or even shock. It was the look of horror!
I saw him feebly lift the utility knife and point it at the camera as the camera moved toward him.
Music began playing as if from a music box, but it was the same short melody over and over, stuck in a loop, with a single raspy voice singing in whispers:
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
"Please, there's been a mistake," my boss pleaded. His hand holding the utility knife shook.
The camera moved closer.
As it did, a shadow fell upon the floor. A black, inhuman shadow. Umbra without penumbra. Crawling forward. Crawling onto...
My boss' fear loomed ever greater, magnified with every passing second, every subsequent loop of that hideous music, until each crease on his face seemed etched permanently into his skin. Pale and unmoving, he looked like a grotesque statue of himself.
"Please," he whimpered.
"Sing."
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
He sliced at the camera with the utility knife—
A clawed hand caught his wrist.
"Sing."
"Lovely… pink confetti," he sang in a heartbeat staccato. "Lovely pink confe—"
The claws tightened, his wrist bled; he gasped! The utility knife dropped to the floor.
As a second set of claws swiped almost imperceptibly across the screen, opening four parallel wounds on his chest. Four red lines bleeding sickeningly downward.
He sobbed.
The shadow had climbed to his neck.
His choked, animal sounds were adding a perverse and terrible rhythm to the music.
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
The shadow enveloped him.
The claws carved.
His screams—
The video ended, leaving me in stunned silence. I had seen things online but never anything like this. This was a death video, a murder video. Worse: it was a murder video with which I was directly involved. I wiped an accumulation of sweat from my mouth and sat down to think about what to do next. It didn't take long. After a few deep breaths, I called the police and reported a murder. "I have video evidence," I said.
Within ten minutes, three police cruisers were out front. Lights flashed. The police searched my house, then two officers took me and my laptop down to the station, where I sat in an interrogation room and recounted what happened:
The same story I've now told you.
They asked several times for my boss' name and address, and presumably watched the video.
After several hours, one of the detectives returned to the interrogation room and told me I was free to go. "Whatever fucked up game you're playing, I don't get it and I don't want to get it," he said, then explained that my boss was alive and that the video showed him opening a confetti bomb, being mildly startled and starting to clean up.
"Impossible," I said. "I saw—"
"Go home."
They gave me back my laptop.
But when I opened it later that evening, the video was gone. I had played the video directly from my email account, to which I had purposefully stayed logged in, and now the entire message was gone.
When I checked the confetti bomb website, everything was the same except that the only confetti options were low, medium and high.
There was no beautiful pink.
Perhaps I would have even entertained the possibility I had somehow madly fantasized about my boss' gruesome death if not for two factors. First, the police had admitted the existence of a video (albeit not one showing murder) and now there was no video, so they must have deleted it. Second, when I went to work the next morning my boss was not the same.
I don't mean he'd been replaced by a different person. What I mean is he was no longer sarcastic, manipulative or really much of anything. He did discipline me with a week-long suspension for my prank, but even that he delivered in a droning monotone devoid of emotion. Whereas before he would have stomped and thundered and subjected me to a campaign of ridicule and retaliation, now he did nothing. More: he was nothing: an emotionless shell which moved, acted and spoke like an automaton.
Sometimes when he's sitting at his desk, staring bovinely at his computer screen, the light from the adjacent window hits just right and I can make out an atlas of tiny lines on his skin, as if someone—or something—had cut him into pieces before stitching him back together again.
He greets me in the morning, remembers my birthday and I even got a promotion.
There is one more thing, however.
On a Saturday afternoon two months after the confetti bomb incident, there was a knock on my door. When I looked outside, I saw an unattended brown cardboard box. It was quite heavy, but I managed to pick it up and carry it inside. Given what had happened, I was hesitant to open it, but curiosity eventually got the better of me, and when I managed to get it open—
A deafening bang!
Followed by a shower of beautiful pink confetti.
Fleshy, bloody strips of confetti.
Raining down upon my body and upon the entirety of my home.
Confetti sliding down the window panes.
Confetti clogging up the drains.
Confetti gathering in sloppy puddles on the floor.
Confetti made of gore.
It took me days to clean up, and in truth there's likely still confetti in the deepest cracks and darkest corners, but there was something else in the cardboard box: a sheet of paper emblazoned with the confetti bomb website logo, thanking me for my purchase of their soul-shredding service and offering three coupon codes for future soul-shredding redeemable by me or anyone—at 33.4% off the regular price.
submitted by normancrane to scaryshortstories [link] [comments]


2024.03.09 15:57 normancrane Pretty Pink Confetti

I'll tell you everything I told the police.
I never liked my boss. He was a jerk and treated me like trash. For years I meekly took it. Something went wrong; he'd blame me. An advancement opportunity arose for which I was perfectly qualified; he'd recommend somebody else. He never greeted me in the mornings or asked about my weekend. He never remembered my birthday. He was cruel, and an expert at playing people against one another. Over the years, he played most of them against me. So, yes, I had every reason to hate him. And as my hatred reached its boiling point, I needed a release. In a sense you could even say I snapped, but it was snapping by my standards. I didn't want to go postal. All I wanted was to order a confetti bomb.
Because I'd never done anything like that, I didn't know the first thing about it. For example, I knew there were websites, but not which ones were good, or even which ones were legitimate, so I chose at random and settled on the one I did because the design was nice, the prices seemed reasonable and they accepted BTC. The ordering process was simple. All I had to do after typing in my email (a freshly created fake one) and selecting a target address was choose a confetti level: low, medium, high, or beautiful pink. Because I wanted to get him good, I chose the last option, imagining it would be the hardest to clean up after.
I paid, pressed submit, and that was it.
Three days later, I received a video in my inbox.
I played it.
It started off black but with sound. I heard a doorbell, my boss' voice asking if he had to sign for delivery, some faint knocking about, then a loud thud as if a box had been set down. Next I heard the un-blading of a utility knife and cardboard being cut.
A deafening bang!
As darkness faded away to colours and sunlight: a rain of multi-coloured confetti fell inside a ritzy-looking living room.
I saw my boss covered in confetti, brushing it from his hair and wiping it off his cheeks—but the look on his face wasn't one of surprise, or even shock. It was the look of horror!
I saw him feebly lift the utility knife and point it at the camera as the camera moved toward him.
Music began playing as if from a music box, but it was the same short melody over and over, stuck in a loop, with a single raspy voice singing in whispers:
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
"Please, there's been a mistake," my boss pleaded. His hand holding the utility knife shook.
The camera moved closer.
As it did, a shadow fell upon the floor. A black, inhuman shadow. Umbra without penumbra. Crawling forward. Crawling onto...
My boss' fear loomed ever greater, magnified with every passing second, every subsequent loop of that hideous music, until each crease on his face seemed etched permanently into his skin. Pale and unmoving, he looked like a grotesque statue of himself.
"Please," he whimpered.
"Sing."
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
He sliced at the camera with the utility knife—
A clawed hand caught his wrist.
"Sing."
"Lovely… pink confetti," he sang in a heartbeat staccato. "Lovely pink confe—"
The claws tightened, his wrist bled; he gasped! The utility knife dropped to the floor.
As a second set of claws swiped almost imperceptibly across the screen, opening four parallel wounds on his chest. Four red lines bleeding sickeningly downward.
He sobbed.
The shadow had climbed to his neck.
His choked, animal sounds were adding a perverse and terrible rhythm to the music.
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
The shadow enveloped him.
The claws carved.
His screams—
The video ended, leaving me in stunned silence. I had seen things online but never anything like this. This was a death video, a murder video. Worse: it was a murder video with which I was directly involved. I wiped an accumulation of sweat from my mouth and sat down to think about what to do next. It didn't take long. After a few deep breaths, I called the police and reported a murder. "I have video evidence," I said.
Within ten minutes, three police cruisers were out front. Lights flashed. The police searched my house, then two officers took me and my laptop down to the station, where I sat in an interrogation room and recounted what happened:
The same story I've now told you.
They asked several times for my boss' name and address, and presumably watched the video.
After several hours, one of the detectives returned to the interrogation room and told me I was free to go. "Whatever fucked up game you're playing, I don't get it and I don't want to get it," he said, then explained that my boss was alive and that the video showed him opening a confetti bomb, being mildly startled and starting to clean up.
"Impossible," I said. "I saw—"
"Go home."
They gave me back my laptop.
But when I opened it later that evening, the video was gone. I had played the video directly from my email account, to which I had purposefully stayed logged in, and now the entire message was gone.
When I checked the confetti bomb website, everything was the same except that the only confetti options were low, medium and high.
There was no beautiful pink.
Perhaps I would have even entertained the possibility I had somehow madly fantasized about my boss' gruesome death if not for two factors. First, the police had admitted the existence of a video (albeit not one showing murder) and now there was no video, so they must have deleted it. Second, when I went to work the next morning my boss was not the same.
I don't mean he'd been replaced by a different person. What I mean is he was no longer sarcastic, manipulative or really much of anything. He did discipline me with a week-long suspension for my prank, but even that he delivered in a droning monotone devoid of emotion. Whereas before he would have stomped and thundered and subjected me to a campaign of ridicule and retaliation, now he did nothing. More: he was nothing: an emotionless shell which moved, acted and spoke like an automaton.
Sometimes when he's sitting at his desk, staring bovinely at his computer screen, the light from the adjacent window hits just right and I can make out an atlas of tiny lines on his skin, as if someone—or something—had cut him into pieces before stitching him back together again.
He greets me in the morning, remembers my birthday and I even got a promotion.
There is one more thing, however.
On a Saturday afternoon two months after the confetti bomb incident, there was a knock on my door. When I looked outside, I saw an unattended brown cardboard box. It was quite heavy, but I managed to pick it up and carry it inside. Given what had happened, I was hesitant to open it, but curiosity eventually got the better of me, and when I managed to get it open—
A deafening bang!
Followed by a shower of beautiful pink confetti.
Fleshy, bloody strips of confetti.
Raining down upon my body and upon the entirety of my home.
Confetti sliding down the window panes.
Confetti clogging up the drains.
Confetti gathering in sloppy puddles on the floor.
Confetti made of gore.
It took me days to clean up, and in truth there's likely still confetti in the deepest cracks and darkest corners, but there was something else in the cardboard box: a sheet of paper emblazoned with the confetti bomb website logo, thanking me for my purchase of their soul-shredding service and offering three coupon codes for future soul-shredding redeemable by me or anyone—at 33.4% off the regular price.
submitted by normancrane to TheCrypticCompendium [link] [comments]


2024.03.09 15:57 normancrane Pretty Pink Confetti

I'll tell you everything I told the police.
I never liked my boss. He was a jerk and treated me like trash. For years I meekly took it. Something went wrong; he'd blame me. An advancement opportunity arose for which I was perfectly qualified; he'd recommend somebody else. He never greeted me in the mornings or asked about my weekend. He never remembered my birthday. He was cruel, and an expert at playing people against one another. Over the years, he played most of them against me. So, yes, I had every reason to hate him. And as my hatred reached its boiling point, I needed a release. In a sense you could even say I snapped, but it was snapping by my standards. I didn't want to go postal. All I wanted was to order a confetti bomb.
Because I'd never done anything like that, I didn't know the first thing about it. For example, I knew there were websites, but not which ones were good, or even which ones were legitimate, so I chose at random and settled on the one I did because the design was nice, the prices seemed reasonable and they accepted BTC. The ordering process was simple. All I had to do after typing in my email (a freshly created fake one) and selecting a target address was choose a confetti level: low, medium, high, or beautiful pink. Because I wanted to get him good, I chose the last option, imagining it would be the hardest to clean up after.
I paid, pressed submit, and that was it.
Three days later, I received a video in my inbox.
I played it.
It started off black but with sound. I heard a doorbell, my boss' voice asking if he had to sign for delivery, some faint knocking about, then a loud thud as if a box had been set down. Next I heard the un-blading of a utility knife and cardboard being cut.
A deafening bang!
As darkness faded away to colours and sunlight: a rain of multi-coloured confetti fell inside a ritzy-looking living room.
I saw my boss covered in confetti, brushing it from his hair and wiping it off his cheeks—but the look on his face wasn't one of surprise, or even shock. It was the look of horror!
I saw him feebly lift the utility knife and point it at the camera as the camera moved toward him.
Music began playing as if from a music box, but it was the same short melody over and over, stuck in a loop, with a single raspy voice singing in whispers:
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
"Please, there's been a mistake," my boss pleaded. His hand holding the utility knife shook.
The camera moved closer.
As it did, a shadow fell upon the floor. A black, inhuman shadow. Umbra without penumbra. Crawling forward. Crawling onto...
My boss' fear loomed ever greater, magnified with every passing second, every subsequent loop of that hideous music, until each crease on his face seemed etched permanently into his skin. Pale and unmoving, he looked like a grotesque statue of himself.
"Please," he whimpered.
"Sing."
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
He sliced at the camera with the utility knife—
A clawed hand caught his wrist.
"Sing."
"Lovely… pink confetti," he sang in a heartbeat staccato. "Lovely pink confe—"
The claws tightened, his wrist bled; he gasped! The utility knife dropped to the floor.
As a second set of claws swiped almost imperceptibly across the screen, opening four parallel wounds on his chest. Four red lines bleeding sickeningly downward.
He sobbed.
The shadow had climbed to his neck.
His choked, animal sounds were adding a perverse and terrible rhythm to the music.
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
The shadow enveloped him.
The claws carved.
His screams—
The video ended, leaving me in stunned silence. I had seen things online but never anything like this. This was a death video, a murder video. Worse: it was a murder video with which I was directly involved. I wiped an accumulation of sweat from my mouth and sat down to think about what to do next. It didn't take long. After a few deep breaths, I called the police and reported a murder. "I have video evidence," I said.
Within ten minutes, three police cruisers were out front. Lights flashed. The police searched my house, then two officers took me and my laptop down to the station, where I sat in an interrogation room and recounted what happened:
The same story I've now told you.
They asked several times for my boss' name and address, and presumably watched the video.
After several hours, one of the detectives returned to the interrogation room and told me I was free to go. "Whatever fucked up game you're playing, I don't get it and I don't want to get it," he said, then explained that my boss was alive and that the video showed him opening a confetti bomb, being mildly startled and starting to clean up.
"Impossible," I said. "I saw—"
"Go home."
They gave me back my laptop.
But when I opened it later that evening, the video was gone. I had played the video directly from my email account, to which I had purposefully stayed logged in, and now the entire message was gone.
When I checked the confetti bomb website, everything was the same except that the only confetti options were low, medium and high.
There was no beautiful pink.
Perhaps I would have even entertained the possibility I had somehow madly fantasized about my boss' gruesome death if not for two factors. First, the police had admitted the existence of a video (albeit not one showing murder) and now there was no video, so they must have deleted it. Second, when I went to work the next morning my boss was not the same.
I don't mean he'd been replaced by a different person. What I mean is he was no longer sarcastic, manipulative or really much of anything. He did discipline me with a week-long suspension for my prank, but even that he delivered in a droning monotone devoid of emotion. Whereas before he would have stomped and thundered and subjected me to a campaign of ridicule and retaliation, now he did nothing. More: he was nothing: an emotionless shell which moved, acted and spoke like an automaton.
Sometimes when he's sitting at his desk, staring bovinely at his computer screen, the light from the adjacent window hits just right and I can make out an atlas of tiny lines on his skin, as if someone—or something—had cut him into pieces before stitching him back together again.
He greets me in the morning, remembers my birthday and I even got a promotion.
There is one more thing, however.
On a Saturday afternoon two months after the confetti bomb incident, there was a knock on my door. When I looked outside, I saw an unattended brown cardboard box. It was quite heavy, but I managed to pick it up and carry it inside. Given what had happened, I was hesitant to open it, but curiosity eventually got the better of me, and when I managed to get it open—
A deafening bang!
Followed by a shower of beautiful pink confetti.
Fleshy, bloody strips of confetti.
Raining down upon my body and upon the entirety of my home.
Confetti sliding down the window panes.
Confetti clogging up the drains.
Confetti gathering in sloppy puddles on the floor.
Confetti made of gore.
It took me days to clean up, and in truth there's likely still confetti in the deepest cracks and darkest corners, but there was something else in the cardboard box: a sheet of paper emblazoned with the confetti bomb website logo, thanking me for my purchase of their soul-shredding service and offering three coupon codes for future soul-shredding redeemable by me or anyone—at 33.4% off the regular price.
submitted by normancrane to DarkTales [link] [comments]


2024.03.09 15:56 normancrane Pretty Pink Confetti

I'll tell you everything I told the police.
I never liked my boss. He was a jerk and treated me like trash. For years I meekly took it. Something went wrong; he'd blame me. An advancement opportunity arose for which I was perfectly qualified; he'd recommend somebody else. He never greeted me in the mornings or asked about my weekend. He never remembered my birthday. He was cruel, and an expert at playing people against one another. Over the years, he played most of them against me. So, yes, I had every reason to hate him. And as my hatred reached its boiling point, I needed a release. In a sense you could even say I snapped, but it was snapping by my standards. I didn't want to go postal. All I wanted was to order a confetti bomb.
Because I'd never done anything like that, I didn't know the first thing about it. For example, I knew there were websites, but not which ones were good, or even which ones were legitimate, so I chose at random and settled on the one I did because the design was nice, the prices seemed reasonable and they accepted BTC. The ordering process was simple. All I had to do after typing in my email (a freshly created fake one) and selecting a target address was choose a confetti level: low, medium, high, or beautiful pink. Because I wanted to get him good, I chose the last option, imagining it would be the hardest to clean up after.
I paid, pressed submit, and that was it.
Three days later, I received a video in my inbox.
I played it.
It started off black but with sound. I heard a doorbell, my boss' voice asking if he had to sign for delivery, some faint knocking about, then a loud thud as if a box had been set down. Next I heard the un-blading of a utility knife and cardboard being cut.
A deafening bang!
As darkness faded away to colours and sunlight: a rain of multi-coloured confetti fell inside a ritzy-looking living room.
I saw my boss covered in confetti, brushing it from his hair and wiping it off his cheeks—but the look on his face wasn't one of surprise, or even shock. It was the look of horror!
I saw him feebly lift the utility knife and point it at the camera as the camera moved toward him.
Music began playing as if from a music box, but it was the same short melody over and over, stuck in a loop, with a single raspy voice singing in whispers:
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
"Please, there's been a mistake," my boss pleaded. His hand holding the utility knife shook.
The camera moved closer.
As it did, a shadow fell upon the floor. A black, inhuman shadow. Umbra without penumbra. Crawling forward. Crawling onto...
My boss' fear loomed ever greater, magnified with every passing second, every subsequent loop of that hideous music, until each crease on his face seemed etched permanently into his skin. Pale and unmoving, he looked like a grotesque statue of himself.
"Please," he whimpered.
"Sing."
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
He sliced at the camera with the utility knife—
A clawed hand caught his wrist.
"Sing."
"Lovely… pink confetti," he sang in a heartbeat staccato. "Lovely pink confe—"
The claws tightened, his wrist bled; he gasped! The utility knife dropped to the floor.
As a second set of claws swiped almost imperceptibly across the screen, opening four parallel wounds on his chest. Four red lines bleeding sickeningly downward.
He sobbed.
The shadow had climbed to his neck.
His choked, animal sounds were adding a perverse and terrible rhythm to the music.
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
The shadow enveloped him.
The claws carved.
His screams—
The video ended, leaving me in stunned silence. I had seen things online but never anything like this. This was a death video, a murder video. Worse: it was a murder video with which I was directly involved. I wiped an accumulation of sweat from my mouth and sat down to think about what to do next. It didn't take long. After a few deep breaths, I called the police and reported a murder. "I have video evidence," I said.
Within ten minutes, three police cruisers were out front. Lights flashed. The police searched my house, then two officers took me and my laptop down to the station, where I sat in an interrogation room and recounted what happened:
The same story I've now told you.
They asked several times for my boss' name and address, and presumably watched the video.
After several hours, one of the detectives returned to the interrogation room and told me I was free to go. "Whatever fucked up game you're playing, I don't get it and I don't want to get it," he said, then explained that my boss was alive and that the video showed him opening a confetti bomb, being mildly startled and starting to clean up.
"Impossible," I said. "I saw—"
"Go home."
They gave me back my laptop.
But when I opened it later that evening, the video was gone. I had played the video directly from my email account, to which I had purposefully stayed logged in, and now the entire message was gone.
When I checked the confetti bomb website, everything was the same except that the only confetti options were low, medium and high.
There was no beautiful pink.
Perhaps I would have even entertained the possibility I had somehow madly fantasized about my boss' gruesome death if not for two factors. First, the police had admitted the existence of a video (albeit not one showing murder) and now there was no video, so they must have deleted it. Second, when I went to work the next morning my boss was not the same.
I don't mean he'd been replaced by a different person. What I mean is he was no longer sarcastic, manipulative or really much of anything. He did discipline me with a week-long suspension for my prank, but even that he delivered in a droning monotone devoid of emotion. Whereas before he would have stomped and thundered and subjected me to a campaign of ridicule and retaliation, now he did nothing. More: he was nothing: an emotionless shell which moved, acted and spoke like an automaton.
Sometimes when he's sitting at his desk, staring bovinely at his computer screen, the light from the adjacent window hits just right and I can make out an atlas of tiny lines on his skin, as if someone—or something—had cut him into pieces before stitching him back together again.
He greets me in the morning, remembers my birthday and I even got a promotion.
There is one more thing, however.
On a Saturday afternoon two months after the confetti bomb incident, there was a knock on my door. When I looked outside, I saw an unattended brown cardboard box. It was quite heavy, but I managed to pick it up and carry it inside. Given what had happened, I was hesitant to open it, but curiosity eventually got the better of me, and when I managed to get it open—
A deafening bang!
Followed by a shower of beautiful pink confetti.
Fleshy, bloody strips of confetti.
Raining down upon my body and upon the entirety of my home.
Confetti sliding down the window panes.
Confetti clogging up the drains.
Confetti gathering in sloppy puddles on the floor.
Confetti made of gore.
It took me days to clean up, and in truth there's likely still confetti in the deepest cracks and darkest corners, but there was something else in the cardboard box: a sheet of paper emblazoned with the confetti bomb website logo, thanking me for my purchase of their soul-shredding service and offering three coupon codes for future soul-shredding redeemable by me or anyone—at 33.4% off the regular price.
submitted by normancrane to Odd_directions [link] [comments]


2024.03.09 15:56 normancrane Pretty Pink Confetti

I'll tell you everything I told the police.
I never liked my boss. He was a jerk and treated me like trash. For years I meekly took it. Something went wrong; he'd blame me. An advancement opportunity arose for which I was perfectly qualified; he'd recommend somebody else. He never greeted me in the mornings or asked about my weekend. He never remembered my birthday. He was cruel, and an expert at playing people against one another. Over the years, he played most of them against me. So, yes, I had every reason to hate him. And as my hatred reached its boiling point, I needed a release. In a sense you could even say I snapped, but it was snapping by my standards. I didn't want to go postal. All I wanted was to order a confetti bomb.
Because I'd never done anything like that, I didn't know the first thing about it. For example, I knew there were websites, but not which ones were good, or even which ones were legitimate, so I chose at random and settled on the one I did because the design was nice, the prices seemed reasonable and they accepted BTC. The ordering process was simple. All I had to do after typing in my email (a freshly created fake one) and selecting a target address was choose a confetti level: low, medium, high, or beautiful pink. Because I wanted to get him good, I chose the last option, imagining it would be the hardest to clean up after.
I paid, pressed submit, and that was it.
Three days later, I received a video in my inbox.
I played it.
It started off black but with sound. I heard a doorbell, my boss' voice asking if he had to sign for delivery, some faint knocking about, then a loud thud as if a box had been set down. Next I heard the un-blading of a utility knife and cardboard being cut.
A deafening bang!
As darkness faded away to colours and sunlight: a rain of multi-coloured confetti fell inside a ritzy-looking living room.
I saw my boss covered in confetti, brushing it from his hair and wiping it off his cheeks—but the look on his face wasn't one of surprise, or even shock. It was the look of horror!
I saw him feebly lift the utility knife and point it at the camera as the camera moved toward him.
Music began playing as if from a music box, but it was the same short melody over and over, stuck in a loop, with a single raspy voice singing in whispers:
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
"Please, there's been a mistake," my boss pleaded. His hand holding the utility knife shook.
The camera moved closer.
As it did, a shadow fell upon the floor. A black, inhuman shadow. Umbra without penumbra. Crawling forward. Crawling onto...
My boss' fear loomed ever greater, magnified with every passing second, every subsequent loop of that hideous music, until each crease on his face seemed etched permanently into his skin. Pale and unmoving, he looked like a grotesque statue of himself.
"Please," he whimpered.
"Sing."
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
He sliced at the camera with the utility knife—
A clawed hand caught his wrist.
"Sing."
"Lovely… pink confetti," he sang in a heartbeat staccato. "Lovely pink confe—"
The claws tightened, his wrist bled; he gasped! The utility knife dropped to the floor.
As a second set of claws swiped almost imperceptibly across the screen, opening four parallel wounds on his chest. Four red lines bleeding sickeningly downward.
He sobbed.
The shadow had climbed to his neck.
His choked, animal sounds were adding a perverse and terrible rhythm to the music.
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
The shadow enveloped him.
The claws carved.
His screams—
The video ended, leaving me in stunned silence. I had seen things online but never anything like this. This was a death video, a murder video. Worse: it was a murder video with which I was directly involved. I wiped an accumulation of sweat from my mouth and sat down to think about what to do next. It didn't take long. After a few deep breaths, I called the police and reported a murder. "I have video evidence," I said.
Within ten minutes, three police cruisers were out front. Lights flashed. The police searched my house, then two officers took me and my laptop down to the station, where I sat in an interrogation room and recounted what happened:
The same story I've now told you.
They asked several times for my boss' name and address, and presumably watched the video.
After several hours, one of the detectives returned to the interrogation room and told me I was free to go. "Whatever fucked up game you're playing, I don't get it and I don't want to get it," he said, then explained that my boss was alive and that the video showed him opening a confetti bomb, being mildly startled and starting to clean up.
"Impossible," I said. "I saw—"
"Go home."
They gave me back my laptop.
But when I opened it later that evening, the video was gone. I had played the video directly from my email account, to which I had purposefully stayed logged in, and now the entire message was gone.
When I checked the confetti bomb website, everything was the same except that the only confetti options were low, medium and high.
There was no beautiful pink.
Perhaps I would have even entertained the possibility I had somehow madly fantasized about my boss' gruesome death if not for two factors. First, the police had admitted the existence of a video (albeit not one showing murder) and now there was no video, so they must have deleted it. Second, when I went to work the next morning my boss was not the same.
I don't mean he'd been replaced by a different person. What I mean is he was no longer sarcastic, manipulative or really much of anything. He did discipline me with a week-long suspension for my prank, but even that he delivered in a droning monotone devoid of emotion. Whereas before he would have stomped and thundered and subjected me to a campaign of ridicule and retaliation, now he did nothing. More: he was nothing: an emotionless shell which moved, acted and spoke like an automaton.
Sometimes when he's sitting at his desk, staring bovinely at his computer screen, the light from the adjacent window hits just right and I can make out an atlas of tiny lines on his skin, as if someone—or something—had cut him into pieces before stitching him back together again.
He greets me in the morning, remembers my birthday and I even got a promotion.
There is one more thing, however.
On a Saturday afternoon two months after the confetti bomb incident, there was a knock on my door. When I looked outside, I saw an unattended brown cardboard box. It was quite heavy, but I managed to pick it up and carry it inside. Given what had happened, I was hesitant to open it, but curiosity eventually got the better of me, and when I managed to get it open—
A deafening bang!
Followed by a shower of beautiful pink confetti.
Fleshy, bloody strips of confetti.
Raining down upon my body and upon the entirety of my home.
Confetti sliding down the window panes.
Confetti clogging up the drains.
Confetti gathering in sloppy puddles on the floor.
Confetti made of gore.
It took me days to clean up, and in truth there's likely still confetti in the deepest cracks and darkest corners, but there was something else in the cardboard box: a sheet of paper emblazoned with the confetti bomb website logo, thanking me for my purchase of their soul-shredding service and offering three coupon codes for future soul-shredding redeemable by me or anyone—at 33.4% off the regular price.
submitted by normancrane to stories [link] [comments]


2024.03.09 15:55 normancrane Pretty Pink Confetti

I'll tell you everything I told the police.
I never liked my boss. He was a jerk and treated me like trash. For years I meekly took it. Something went wrong; he'd blame me. An advancement opportunity arose for which I was perfectly qualified; he'd recommend somebody else. He never greeted me in the mornings or asked about my weekend. He never remembered my birthday. He was cruel, and an expert at playing people against one another. Over the years, he played most of them against me. So, yes, I had every reason to hate him. And as my hatred reached its boiling point, I needed a release. In a sense you could even say I snapped, but it was snapping by my standards. I didn't want to go postal. All I wanted was to order a confetti bomb.
Because I'd never done anything like that, I didn't know the first thing about it. For example, I knew there were websites, but not which ones were good, or even which ones were legitimate, so I chose at random and settled on the one I did because the design was nice, the prices seemed reasonable and they accepted BTC. The ordering process was simple. All I had to do after typing in my email (a freshly created fake one) and selecting a target address was choose a confetti level: low, medium, high, or beautiful pink. Because I wanted to get him good, I chose the last option, imagining it would be the hardest to clean up after.
I paid, pressed submit, and that was it.
Three days later, I received a video in my inbox.
I played it.
It started off black but with sound. I heard a doorbell, my boss' voice asking if he had to sign for delivery, some faint knocking about, then a loud thud as if a box had been set down. Next I heard the un-blading of a utility knife and cardboard being cut.
A deafening bang!
As darkness faded away to colours and sunlight: a rain of multi-coloured confetti fell inside a ritzy-looking living room.
I saw my boss covered in confetti, brushing it from his hair and wiping it off his cheeks—but the look on his face wasn't one of surprise, or even shock. It was the look of horror!
I saw him feebly lift the utility knife and point it at the camera as the camera moved toward him.
Music began playing as if from a music box, but it was the same short melody over and over, stuck in a loop, with a single raspy voice singing in whispers:
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
"Please, there's been a mistake," my boss pleaded. His hand holding the utility knife shook.
The camera moved closer.
As it did, a shadow fell upon the floor. A black, inhuman shadow. Umbra without penumbra. Crawling forward. Crawling onto...
My boss' fear loomed ever greater, magnified with every passing second, every subsequent loop of that hideous music, until each crease on his face seemed etched permanently into his skin. Pale and unmoving, he looked like a grotesque statue of himself.
"Please," he whimpered.
"Sing."
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
He sliced at the camera with the utility knife—
A clawed hand caught his wrist.
"Sing."
"Lovely… pink confetti," he sang in a heartbeat staccato. "Lovely pink confe—"
The claws tightened, his wrist bled; he gasped! The utility knife dropped to the floor.
As a second set of claws swiped almost imperceptibly across the screen, opening four parallel wounds on his chest. Four red lines bleeding sickeningly downward.
He sobbed.
The shadow had climbed to his neck.
His choked, animal sounds were adding a perverse and terrible rhythm to the music.
… lovely pink confetti …
… lovely pink confetti …
The shadow enveloped him.
The claws carved.
His screams—
The video ended, leaving me in stunned silence. I had seen things online but never anything like this. This was a death video, a murder video. Worse: it was a murder video with which I was directly involved. I wiped an accumulation of sweat from my mouth and sat down to think about what to do next. It didn't take long. After a few deep breaths, I called the police and reported a murder. "I have video evidence," I said.
Within ten minutes, three police cruisers were out front. Lights flashed. The police searched my house, then two officers took me and my laptop down to the station, where I sat in an interrogation room and recounted what happened:
The same story I've now told you.
They asked several times for my boss' name and address, and presumably watched the video.
After several hours, one of the detectives returned to the interrogation room and told me I was free to go. "Whatever fucked up game you're playing, I don't get it and I don't want to get it," he said, then explained that my boss was alive and that the video showed him opening a confetti bomb, being mildly startled and starting to clean up.
"Impossible," I said. "I saw—"
"Go home."
They gave me back my laptop.
But when I opened it later that evening, the video was gone. I had played the video directly from my email account, to which I had purposefully stayed logged in, and now the entire message was gone.
When I checked the confetti bomb website, everything was the same except that the only confetti options were low, medium and high.
There was no beautiful pink.
Perhaps I would have even entertained the possibility I had somehow madly fantasized about my boss' gruesome death if not for two factors. First, the police had admitted the existence of a video (albeit not one showing murder) and now there was no video, so they must have deleted it. Second, when I went to work the next morning my boss was not the same.
I don't mean he'd been replaced by a different person. What I mean is he was no longer sarcastic, manipulative or really much of anything. He did discipline me with a week-long suspension for my prank, but even that he delivered in a droning monotone devoid of emotion. Whereas before he would have stomped and thundered and subjected me to a campaign of ridicule and retaliation, now he did nothing. More: he was nothing: an emotionless shell which moved, acted and spoke like an automaton.
Sometimes when he's sitting at his desk, staring bovinely at his computer screen, the light from the adjacent window hits just right and I can make out an atlas of tiny lines on his skin, as if someone—or something—had cut him into pieces before stitching him back together again.
He greets me in the morning, remembers my birthday and I even got a promotion.
There is one more thing, however.
On a Saturday afternoon two months after the confetti bomb incident, there was a knock on my door. When I looked outside, I saw an unattended brown cardboard box. It was quite heavy, but I managed to pick it up and carry it inside. Given what had happened, I was hesitant to open it, but curiosity eventually got the better of me, and when I managed to get it open—
A deafening bang!
Followed by a shower of beautiful pink confetti.
Fleshy, bloody strips of confetti.
Raining down upon my body and upon the entirety of my home.
Confetti sliding down the window panes.
Confetti clogging up the drains.
Confetti gathering in sloppy puddles on the floor.
Confetti made of gore.
It took me days to clean up, and in truth there's likely still confetti in the deepest cracks and darkest corners, but there was something else in the cardboard box: a sheet of paper emblazoned with the confetti bomb website logo, thanking me for my purchase of their soul-shredding service and offering three coupon codes for future soul-shredding redeemable by me or anyone—at 33.4% off the regular price.
submitted by normancrane to horrorstories [link] [comments]


2024.03.02 19:42 Several_Seat5151 Compiled information on brawlers

I put a lot of work into collecting as much possible information on each brawler. From the game, beta, youtubers, twitter accounts, start park website, maps in game and brawl talks. I am fascinated by the lore of brawl stars and the treasure hunt they have laid out for it. I noticed there was no good place to see lore specifically for a certain brawler. I'd like to discuss theories and possibly add more information I may have overlooked. WE MUST FIGURE OUT THE SECRETS OF STARR PARK.
8-Bit - Old arcade machine described as being very difficult. They were awakened by a gem as shown by a brawl stars cinematic. Destroy senselessly with his lasers just to prove he was still capable despite being such an old machine. It may have also been revenge for one of his missing guns and hating their previous players. Bad players may have included Bull, Bea, Brock, and Surge. Was possibly under the control of someone before the project laser event that occured in game. He is clearly more than just an arcade machine due to Kairostim lies saying he's just a normal arcade machine. His place in Starr Park is the Starrcade.
Amber - Performer at Pocos Band Stand which is like a festival. She is known for subpar fire dancing. Only starting fire spinning and breathing to compete with Poco and El primo as an entertainer. May be Spude affiliated (Rey video)
Angelo - Swamp of Love member. Lives in the tunnels. Manipulative like Willow so they get along. Enjoys gossipping about other brawlers usually to cause a fight. He is a cupid turned mosquito apparently, maybe the effects of the swamp. Could be a swamp due to toxic waste disposal.
Ash - They are a scottish person/creature tired of litter and rats at the Castle Courtyard. Uses a trash can as protective armor due to the sheer amount of trash and rats. May be based on a Brownie. Has blue skin it appears. He gets angry after attacking due to the broom causing so much noise inside the trash can. Secretly eats garbage. The control robots called R.A.T.S which stands for; Rodent Attack Targeting System.
Barley - He is the same series of robot as Darryl and Rico. Their name is Bartlebee. Shown in investor video pouring acid instead of drinks for people. Bartending robot with a short temper. Owns a bar called Barley's. A unicorn horn appears on the starr park website a possible reference to his skin line.
Bea - Entomologist and Rosa's assistant. Obsessed with bees. Shown crying when she stepped on a bee. Works at Starr Park Gardens. Where they create all the plants and creatures_ in Starr park. She captured Eve after she crashed. A woman experimenting with bees in the investor video could be a nod towards her.
Belle - Fugitive and leader of Goldarm Gang. Wife of Sam, mother of Pearl and maybe another mystery child. Based on Belle Starr. They have a gold prosthetic which is where the gang gets its namesake. She robs banks of any town shes in. Unclear if she's only bound to the Wild West area or if she's a performer at all. She is shown in Sam's animation to have some engineering skills. Together with Sam they made Pearl. She appears to just be obsessed with money but actually is after the truth of Starr Park and how to bring it down.
Bibi - She chews Starr Park Gum which is inedible and purple flavor as shown on the starr park website. Inedibility is probably the reason for her ultimate. Bibi is Bull's sister revealed by Kairostime (credible as they source him for most of the lore and mentioned in Retropolis brawl talk). She is a member of a gang alongside Bull and Crow in Retropolis. Hardcore but cute and bit of a nerd. Loves baseball and bubblegum. Bat is called Mr. Bat. Runs a ride in Retropolis called Mr. Bat homerun ride. Apart of Bull's gang.
Bo - They're wearing a Starr Park eagle hat as shown on Starr Park website. Apparently his bow is also from the Starr Park giftshop. Maybe shown in investor video as a hatching eagle. Is listed as Leon's and Nita step-dad unclear if before or after in investor video when they both lost their parents riding the coaster. His home in the park is Rumble Jungle and has survived there for a long time. Eagle hunter shaman, best bowman of tribe.
Brock - Part of arcade trio. Loves arcade games and his rocket launcher. Secretly enjoys dancing. Talks a lot of smack.
Bonnie - The niece of stu and sister of janet. Gets in trouble with her cannon Clyde during stunt shows. She's famous around the park for her stunt of being shot out of Clyde.
Bull - Angry and reckless. Owns a diner in Retropolis. Possibly awakened and enraged by a gem dropped by Dynamike, later stolen by Leon. Part of biker gang with Bibi and Crow. Owns a car that appears on a map. His gun appears on the starr park website captioned saying that it doesn't fire but was shown firing in the background of the investor video.
Buster - Works as projector operator at turbo movie theatre/Starr Park Cinema. Wants to star in their own blockbuster. Their best friend is Fang. There is a sort of projector like toy captioned ?????.rm that could've been a teaser towards them.
Buzz - Dinosaur lifeguard at velocirapids. Likes singing and dancing . Not good at their job part because of his nature and short stature. However he likes bossing people around. Has the x on the back suggesting that Buzz may be a mascot. His hypercharge icon shows that the nostrils are the costume's eye holes. Potentially apart of mascot union strike. May be the B in the BRL - SPU - DE appearing on the picket fence. Further unknown if the SPU-DE is Starr Park Union of Distressed Employees since it's hyphenated. Their whistle and swim trunks appear on the starr park website but curiously enough the whistle sounds like two screams and the swim trunks are very very large. There must be something to the whistle sound.
Byron - Shady, scamming consman that sells potions claiming that they'll heal.
Carl - Robot geologist that enjogs riding in a minecart. Works at the gem mine. His latest obsession is the effects of gems! Potentially is a part of the rejected minecart ride whose schematics appear on the starr park website. Jacky annoys Carl as mentioned in a brawl talk.
Charlie - She is a performer at the Bizarre Circus. She grew up on the streets where she learned tricks before being discovered by the circus. She accepted for the money and soon became the main attraction. She uses her hair to perform her tricks. Often steals money during her shows. They have an obsession with spiders.
Chester - Jester of Candyland. Tries to prank Mandy constantly. He is extremely annoying and extends his pranks to everyone. He will make fun of anyone in his sight. Pranks are Chester's way of showing affection. There's a waiver to sign if you want to know what's in the jack-in-the-box.
Chuck - He was a former conductor of an orchestra before he arrived at Starr Park. Seemed to have given up the orchestra to find the next big thing in music. Now at Starr Park he is the conductor of trains specifically the Ghost Train. He still makes music inspired by the darkness and noises of the Ghost Station. Every once in awhile he performs for Gus.
Colette - Works at the gift shop. Psychopath that documents her obsession of other brawlers especially Spike. Multiple pages in scrapbook dedicated to spike. Weard a spike abd piper pin. She collects memorabilia of brawlers. Interestingly enough there is two Collette's in the investor video. We know that it is Colette because for a small frame before the scene changes their teeth become sharp.
Colt - The star attraction of Starr Park. He is a pretty boy sheriff in wild west. Colt runs a jailhouse in Ranger Ranch alongside Shelly. He may be a model and actor as well. Care about their looks a lot. Secretly does spa treatments for themselves. May have a bit of a crush on Shelly but is definitely her friend, letting her get away with crimes. This is possibly from before she started working with him. Possibly a robot from robot cowboy schematics on Starr Park website. Interestingly enough it's captioned as concerning and the writer not knowing how to feel about it. I think it is likely that Colt is a robot but unaware of it since Kairostim tells a lie that Colt knows exactly who he is, was and will be. He may be more nefarious than good as he opposes the Goldarm Gang. His favorite food is peanut butter sandwiches with the crust cut off.
Cordelius - lives in and protects the enchanted forest. It's unsure if the woods are truly enchanted, toxic or both. Plants poisonous mushrooms all over it as he enjoys gardening. He used to be a normal gardener until the toxicity of the woods drove him mad and trapped him there. His brawl talk hinted that the shadow dimension may be his original home. However, through his name's origin there's a theory that he's being controlled by the mushrooms and as such the mushrooms would be from the shadow dimension.
Crow - Just appeared in Retropolis one day. Used to get picked on but not anymore since he got poison daggers. Apart of Bull's gang. Theory of mine is he was one of the crows that would bring dynamike shiny objects for food and did so with a gem that ended up awakening him.
Darryl - Robot pirate captain made from a barrel. Only became captain to not do work but now forced to defend ship and treasure. He is the same series of robot as Barley and Rico. May have a rivalry with crow as had one of his daggers sticking in his back.
Doug - The most chill dinosaur at velocirapids. Works as hot dog vendor. Reference to recalled dinosaur inflatable eggs shoe on the website. They were recalled due to having a hatching problem. On the envelope you can see that they paid for permit for "beef and veal" products to be imported. Referencing beef hot dogs or just that there were meaty creatures inside the eggs.
Dynamike - Retired miner but still enjoys hanging in the gem mine and blowing things up. Was at one point lost in a mine and thought dead. Has a pet canary. Worked with Jacky. Discovered the purple gems that awakened people. Was killed by Shelly but mysteriously came back to life. Wkbrl affiliated. Seems to believe or is aware that the purple gems spread a sort of infection. Distrusting of Mr. P as penguins have connections to interdimensional birds. I think important part is he knows Mr. P is suspicious. Possibly has prosthetic arms like in beta sketches. Possibly has gone crazier from exposure to the gems and as such couldnt properly explain the situation on the radio. Possibly responsible for Gene. Distrusting of Spike as he is too friendly. May have a secret friendship with Mortis.
Edgar - A rebel emo boy that works at the gift shop with Colette and Griff. He tries to be cool and mysterious but doesn't pull it off. He attacks anyone who gets to close with his animated scarf. The scarf may be a living creature as it's shown to have bones on Edgar's x-ray.
Emz - Uses Z spray hairspray, which is not suitable for hair. Might be the creator of Z hairspray or face of? Shes a social media star. She is supposed to work with her uncle Mortis but barely shows upm Obsessed with Poco who she keeps a photo of on her phone. Name stands for emo mummy zombie.
Eve - Alien flea in a spaceship. Mother of parasites that are ready to infest other brawlers especially Ruff. He is shown as her suitable host. While searching for Ruff her ship crashed maybe causing the gems in the ground to become infected and purple. After crashing she was captured by Bea but has since escaped. On the website a reference to eve is a useless spaceship toy you can buy at starr park.
Fang - Works at Turbo theatre/Starr Park Cinema. Hes a kickboxer and aspiring actor. Usually only landing low budget martial art films. His best friend is Buster. Has a crush on Shelley. Secretly enjoys Princess Diaries.
Frank - Full name is Franklin. Works the Mortuary at day. Well known Dj often performing in the cemetery at night. The former roommate of Mortis (Mortis was too annoying). Destroyed Rico's first love.
Gale - They're the old and slow janitor at the snowtel. He is cranky and overworked. They are shown in the investor's video. Somewhat suspicious due to being mentioned by Kaorostim and being close to Mr. P.
Gene - A magical genie that runs a shop called the lamporium out of Tara's bazaar. He was somehow able to escape his lamp in the past but his powers and brain are trapped still. If we listen to the ranter (dynamike) he says he found Gene's lamp while prospecting and rubbed it. Now Gene is attached to him..
Gray - Silent film actor in Brawlywood. Works alongside Lola and seems to be annoyed by her constant upstaging. Takes method acting too serious. He makes silent, artsy underground movies. Additionally he has mind powers. Tried to be silent but sometimes messes up.
Griff - Greedy head of the gift shop and boss of Edgar and Collette. Hes always grumpy about business being bad. Described as not very clever. He is a human but unclear if he's also a mascot of sorts.
Grom - Buff russian guy. Works as security at the castle in Starr park. Traumatized by kids so he wears a mask to hide his fear. He got this trauma from working at a kindergarten. His best friend is his walkie talkie named Bud. It appears there's someone not Russian talking to him through it. Name translates to thunder. Possibly the reason Starr park sold pins in russian.
Gus - Weird kid in their PJs. Randomly shows up at the Ghost Station. He makes balloon animals for company. Speculated he was killed after following a balloon dog named Spooky and is now bound to the station. Evidence for this is how in his cinematic all the monsters/ghosts ignored him and went for Buster. All this might just be due to the fact that he looks like a ghost and wasn't scared due to be a supernatural enthusiast. Seems to also be obsessed with Spike.
Hank - War survivor shrimp that was being prepared to be eaten until he escaped. He became the fish tank commander supreme in the depths of Starr Park. The tank is a retrofitted fish tank. He seems to be against Otis' spray painting because he likes things clean. He also tries to free sea life fromthe kitchens and markets of Starr Park.
Jacky - Grumpy and foul mouthed. She is a driller. She worked alongside Dynamike. Her loud nature and tools annoys Carl.
Janet - Part of the Stunt Show with her jetpack doing acrobatics. Main attraction as a singer as well. Niece of stu and sister of bonnie.
Jessie - Daughter of Pam. Nani was mad as their nanny. Makes inventions from scraps Pam brings home. Has some part in the radio station WKBRL. Extremely messy. Turret name is scrappy
Kit - Famous for performing at Starr Toon Studios. Though he's famous for playing only cartoon cat roles and is not satisfied with just that. Dreams about one day getting back into acting.
Larry and Lawrie - They are Security at Starr Park. Maintaining order in the park. Larry is the good bot that uses explosives. He sells tickets and loves rules. Lawrie is the older, bad bot that uses a shotgun. He enjoys enforcing rules.
Leon - Lost parents riding rollercoaster at Starr Park. Probably one of the feral children in the jungle before meeting Bo, that Dynamike talks about on WKBRL. Awakened by stealing Bull's gem. Seem to cause trouble around the park with Nita. Stepfather is Bo and sister is Nita. Home is Rumble Jungle. They have ninja abilities which help with their introvertedness.
Lola - Diva and actress at Brawlywood. Part time guide as well. They are the main star doing soap operas and dramas. Obsessed with self and shiny things. Has an evil side. She'll Whatever it takes to be in the spotlight. Her ultimate is just a diamond necklace creating an illusion. Green gems with Australian currency are shown on the Starr park website possibly as reference to Lola.
Lou - Snow cone machine that sells snowcones at the snowtel. They are very friendly. Hasn't made a sale because they give them away.
Maisie - Security and danger prevention/ safety and maintenance at the theatre. She may cause the destruction sometimes though. Wrangles Fang and Buster. She has a love-hate kind of big sister dynamic with them. Her position may extend further than just the theatre as shown from loading screens also the fact that it's been shown that she extinguishes fires and there's no way to do so at starr park besides a single water tower (that may or may not be the surveillance hub.). The fire extinguisher is her prosthetic arm.
Mandy - CEO/Queen of Candyland and menace. Runs Mandy Rainbow Candy. Disguised as a sweet girl in front of cameras but alone she's always cranky. This is often due to Chester or customers. She has a love-hate relationship with Chester. Sells candy with her assistant gummy bear Nita.
Max - speedster super in Super City. She's not quite a superhero yet according to brawl talk. Probably due to not sticking around long enough to actually help. Has their own line of energy drinks (max energy).
Meg - A very smart max energy vending machine repair technician that aspires to be like Max and Surge. Though Max doesn't think Meg is ready yet. However, it seems she does all the heroing while Max and Surge just entertain. Her ultimate is an augmented vending machine repair bot named Rob. They made it because they know they're too weak to be a superhero on her own.
Melodie - A popular Karaoke singer at Starr Park. Enjoys singing K-Pop. She appears to go through mood swings, sometimes acting sweet and other times very harsh.
Mico - Notorious showboater and liar. He works as the boom guy for Brawlywood. Acts as if he is famous by dropping big names. He genuinely thinks he's the biggest directoactor in Brawlywood. He has a very short temper and can't take a joke.
Mr. P - Was possibly much more important previously at Starr park noteworthy of being the overall mascot. We know for a fact they're a mascot due to seeing their skeleton in an animation. Runs and operates the snowtel. Works as bellhop also maybe just to have access to luggage. The original designer of the penguin mascot has gone missing as captioned under penguin sketches on the starr park website. My theory is that Mr. P was the designer. There's a popular theory, based on a caption under a stuffed Mr. p on the website saying the penguin is dirty, that he is an antagonist. His name may possibly be Corbin Peloton which I believe was also the original narrator in the investor video.
Mortis - Grumpy, old and creepy. Runs Mortis Mortuary and prepares bodies. Now that nobody can die at Starr Park though he's been a little disappointed. He is Emz uncle and a vampire. A coffin appears on the starr park website and is captioned as a bed frame. As a vampire it's likely where Mortis sleeps but unclear if he actually does use it as a bedframe. The beach shovel from his skin also appears on the website. Once again showcasing that skins also play apart in the starr park operation maybe when they work in different parts of the theme park.
Nani - Made as a nanny for Jessie by Pam. Though Nani barely keeps up with Jessie. Has a remote control spy cam/explosive named Peep. Was an old security robot until Pam retrofitted her into a nanny cam.
Nita - Lost parents riding the rollercoaster in investor video. Probably one of the feral children in the jungle before meeting Bo, that Dynamike talks about on Wkbrl. Seemed to have been awakened after stealing gem from Bull. Stepfather is Bo and brother is Leon. Home is Rumble Jungle in the park. Potentially raised in shamanism. Bruce the bear. Pet or spirit bear. There's a mechanical defective bear head in the Investor video. A mechanical bear schematic appears on the website. It's unclear if Nita also is the same Nita assistant to Mandy.
Otis - Mysterious creature living in the Underwater Paintball Arena which is in the depths of Starr Park. Hangs out with a starfish pal named Cil. Otis uses her as a stencil for his art. Enjoys making graffiti around the park. Sometimes falls asleep while doing their graffiti.
Pam - Mother of Jessie and creator of Nani. Looks for scraps to make inventions and weapons. Saddened that her work at the Junkyard keeps her from Jessie. May be Spude affiliated (rey) and wkbrl affiliated. I believe appears in the investor video as a woman that moves a board in the background.
Pearl - She is a member of the Goldarm Gang. Sam and Belle created her. It is strange due to Sam's hatred of robots but everyone likes cookies. She is stated as being like a daughter to them. Anyone that messes with Sam and Belle receives her wrath.
Penny - The sidekick of Darryl. Loves coins and blowing things up. Cannon's name is Lenny. Usually followed around by Tick.
Piper - Cheerful baker. Bakes grenades. In love with Rico. May be a prominent figure at Starr Park as they appear on trading cards and in a movie done by Starr Park entertainment called the Umbrella Bandit. Her past is secret and she doesn't talk about it.
Poco - Dead former mariachi member. Unclear if they died due to exposure to gem causing him to burn up. Continues playing their ghostly guitar to try and win fans back from rival band. As shown on starr park website there are Poco animatronics.
Primo - Works at El brunchador. Wrestling themed restaurant. He was a regular man until hit by a meteor. Unclear if its his story or if hes a mascot and this is fake origin. His face is a secret but we know he has black hair and a mustache. The other performers don't get along with him.
Rico - He is a gumball machine robot. A gumball machine can be shown on the Starr Park website and may be the same one used to make Rico. He is the same series of robot as Barley and Darryl. Formerly in love with a vending machine as shown in cinematic. He is in love with Piper. He is known for his trickshot. Used to work ball pit at the arcade.
Rosa - Boxer and Botanist. Survived in jungle by punching plants. Works at Starr Park Gardens. Where they create all the plants and creatures_ in Starr park. Her assistant is Bea. Likes roses. Probably meaningless but there's a coupon on the start park site that expired on their release date. The coupon was for El brunchador maybe symbolizing the end of El primo being the only puncher.
Rt - Supposed to be an information kiosk. Cassette and CCTV awakened by a gem. Possibly combination of Rik the security guard as well. Spies on everyone and knows their secrets. He keeps data on every brawler. The former mentioned water tower is shown in animation as a surveillance headquarters. Home is Starr Park Hub where you can get directions. They report to ?
Ruff - Intelligent strategist and a dog that walks on two legs. Leader of Starr Force. Enemy is Eve due to him being the perfect host for her kids. The enemy of Starr Force is the Worst Bunch.
Sam - Full name Sam Bronson. They're a fugitive and outlaw at starr park. Part of the Goldarm Gang. Hates robots at starr park and has a personal vendetta against them. Possibly due to his old position as a factory hand. Husband of Belle, father of Pearl and maybe another mystery child. Keeps Belle from going too far. May terrorize the Robot Factory in Starr Park.
Sandy - A boy cursed with eternal sleepiness. Somehow also has control over sand. Runs the flying mattress ride at Tara's bazaar. He tries to help his older sister Tara but often falls asleep before he can.
Shelly - Occupies the Wild west. Robs people but gets away with it due to the sheriff's crush or friendship with her. It's unclear if she has become more of a heroine as she's been shown working with Colt at Ranger Ranch. However she may still be more nefarious than good as she opposes the Goldarm Gang. Owns a cat named Kit either named sfter the Starr Toons star or was them before augmenting.
Spike - A cactus imported to the theme park from Ivan's cactus farm, as shown by an ad on the starr park website. The cactus was awakened by a gem. Spike got their holes accidentally from a shootout. He has a lot of trauma. Everyone thinks he's very friendly. Appears to have become sort of a mascot as they were put on socks, have hedges shaped like and have a mask that starr park sold. His home is Ranger Ranch as a sidekick.
Sprout - Created by Bea and Rosa by mixing nature and technology. They possibly plant things around Starr Park as their codename is Wally.
Stu - Robot uncle and caretaker of Bonnie and Janet. Though in RT's animation it shows the three having dinner so maybe he's not supposed to be. Name might be short for stunt or stand for starr park testing unit. He is a crash test bot used to test new attractions at starr park. People liked seeing him crash so he ended up with a stunt show. He is an award winning stunt performer.
Squeak - Alien-being evolved from the cumulative drool on Ruff's toys due to an incident. Incident may have been Eve. He throws toys covered in sticky drool. Seems to enjoy fetch. Loves Ruff a lot.
Surge - Soda fountain robot protector of Super City. Powered by energy drinks, potentially max energy. Doesn't do much heroing usually just parties, and hands out drinks.
Tara - She has her own bazaar. Predicts fortunes of visitors with tarot cards. Often giving them a bad one and trying to sell them good luco charms. Her younger brother is Sandy. Her ultimate may have toes to the shadow dimension..
Tick - Follows Penny arounds. Self destructs his own head when scared.
Willow - She is a swamp creature that guards the Tunnel of Love while also being a gondoliera. She resides in the Swamp of Love. She manipulates people with the things they love and then takes control of their minds. She may be a shaman.
P.S Section:
In case anyone is able to: There a some curious photos on the starr park website I believe should be investigated if not already. One being a picture of a tunnel and there may be a slightly obscured QR code on it.
There is a photo of a spoon and a collection of plates with areas of starr park displayed but you can't really make out clearly.
There is a telegram between TS and Starr Park. It appears TS is a potential investor. There is weird symbols and things I can't make out with it.
Answer why there is so many 10's and 01's appearing as dates for things.
Why the key chain really emphasizes FOR the KEYS.
There has to be hidden secrets to the spaghetti. It was mentioned to much by the ranter. About how things are hidden in the meatballs.
And maybe it's not investigation worthy but I do think there is something to why pictures are labeled stained, Mr. P burn under the flipper, or broken but from my perspective I can't see any stain or crack on such objects.
P.P.S
Trios I think we'll see in the future:
Post Office
Laundry Service
Tour Guides
Inner Body Attraction
Starr Park Gate
Starr Rail
submitted by Several_Seat5151 to BrawlStarslore [link] [comments]


2024.03.02 14:52 Several_Seat5151 The Brawl Stars Lore Collection

I put a lot of work into collecting as much possible information on each brawler. From the game, beta, youtubers, twitter accounts, start park website, maps in game and brawl talks. I am fascinated by the lore of brawl stars and the treasure hunt they have laid out for it. I noticed there was no good place to see lore specifically for a certain brawler. I'd like to discuss theories and possibly add more information I may have overlooked. WE MUST FIGURE OUT THE SECRETS OF STARR PARK.
8-Bit - Old arcade machine described as being very difficult. They were awakened by a gem as shown by a brawl stars cinematic. Destroy senselessly with his lasers just to prove he was still capable despite being such an old machine. It may have also been revenge for one of his missing guns and hating their previous players. Bad players may have included Bull, Bea, Brock, and Surge. Was possibly under the control of someone before the project laser event that occured in game. He is clearly more than just an arcade machine due to Kairostim lies saying he's just a normal arcade machine. His place in Starr Park is the Starrcade.
Amber - Performer at Pocos Band Stand which is like a festival. She is known for subpar fire dancing. Only starting fire spinning and breathing to compete with Poco and El primo as an entertainer. May be Spude affiliated (Rey video)
Angelo - Swamp of Love member. Lives in the tunnels. Manipulative like Willow so they get along. Enjoys gossipping about other brawlers usually to cause a fight. He is a cupid turned mosquito apparently, maybe the effects of the swamp. Could be a swamp due to toxic waste disposal.
Ash - They are a scottish person/creature tired of litter and rats at the Castle Courtyard. Uses a trash can as protective armor due to the sheer amount of trash and rats. May be based on a Brownie. Has blue skin it appears. He gets angry after attacking due to the broom causing so much noise inside the trash can. Secretly eats garbage. The control robots called R.A.T.S which stands for; Rodent Attack Targeting System.
Barley - He is the same series of robot as Darryl and Rico. Their name is Bartlebee. Shown in investor video pouring acid instead of drinks for people. Bartending robot with a short temper. Owns a bar called Barley's. A unicorn horn appears on the starr park website a possible reference to his skin line.
Bea - Entomologist and Rosa's assistant. Obsessed with bees. Shown crying when she stepped on a bee. Works at Starr Park Gardens. Where they create all the plants and creatures_ in Starr park. She captured Eve after she crashed. A woman experimenting with bees in the investor video could be a nod towards her.
Belle - Fugitive and leader of Goldarm Gang. Wife of Sam, mother of Pearl and maybe another mystery child. Based on Belle Starr. They have a gold prosthetic which is where the gang gets its namesake. She robs banks of any town shes in. Unclear if she's only bound to the Wild West area or if she's a performer at all. She is shown in Sam's animation to have some engineering skills. Together with Sam they made Pearl. She appears to just be obsessed with money but actually is after the truth of Starr Park and how to bring it down.
Bibi - She chews Starr Park Gum which is inedible and purple flavor as shown on the starr park website. Inedibility is probably the reason for her ultimate. Bibi is Bull's sister revealed by Kairostime (credible as they source him for most of the lore and mentioned in Retropolis brawl talk). She is a member of a gang alongside Bull and Crow in Retropolis. Hardcore but cute and bit of a nerd. Loves baseball and bubblegum. Bat is called Mr. Bat. Runs a ride in Retropolis called Mr. Bat homerun ride. Apart of Bull's gang.
Bo - They're wearing a Starr Park eagle hat as shown on Starr Park website. Apparently his bow is also from the Starr Park giftshop. Maybe shown in investor video as a hatching eagle. Is listed as Leon's and Nita step-dad unclear if before or after in investor video when they both lost their parents riding the coaster. His home in the park is Rumble Jungle and has survived there for a long time. Eagle hunter shaman, best bowman of tribe.
Brock - Part of arcade trio. Loves arcade games and his rocket launcher. Secretly enjoys dancing. Talks a lot of smack.
Bonnie - The niece of stu and sister of janet. Gets in trouble with her cannon Clyde during stunt shows. She's famous around the park for her stunt of being shot out of Clyde.
Bull - Angry and reckless. Owns a diner in Retropolis. Possibly awakened and enraged by a gem dropped by Dynamike, later stolen by Leon. Part of biker gang with Bibi and Crow. Owns a car that appears on a map. His gun appears on the starr park website captioned saying that it doesn't fire but was shown firing in the background of the investor video.
Buster - Works as projector operator at turbo movie theatre/Starr Park Cinema. Wants to star in their own blockbuster. Their best friend is Fang. There is a sort of projector like toy captioned ?????.rm that could've been a teaser towards them.
Buzz - Dinosaur lifeguard at velocirapids. Likes singing and dancing . Not good at their job part because of his nature and short stature. However he likes bossing people around. Has the x on the back suggesting that Buzz may be a mascot. His hypercharge icon shows that the nostrils are the costume's eye holes. Potentially apart of mascot union strike. May be the B in the BRL - SPU - DE appearing on the picket fence. Further unknown if the SPU-DE is Starr Park Union of Distressed Employees since it's hyphenated. Their whistle and swim trunks appear on the starr park website but curiously enough the whistle sounds like two screams and the swim trunks are very very large. There must be something to the whistle sound.
Byron - Shady, scamming consman that sells potions claiming that they'll heal.
Carl - Robot geologist that enjogs riding in a minecart. Works at the gem mine. His latest obsession is the effects of gems! Potentially is a part of the rejected minecart ride whose schematics appear on the starr park website. Jacky annoys Carl as mentioned in a brawl talk.
Charlie - She is a performer at the Bizarre Circus. She grew up on the streets where she learned tricks before being discovered by the circus. She accepted for the money and soon became the main attraction. She uses her hair to perform her tricks. Often steals money during her shows. They have an obsession with spiders.
Chester - Jester of Candyland. Tries to prank Mandy constantly. He is extremely annoying and extends his pranks to everyone. He will make fun of anyone in his sight. Pranks are Chester's way of showing affection. There's a waiver to sign if you want to know what's in the jack-in-the-box.
Chuck - He was a former conductor of an orchestra before he arrived at Starr Park. Seemed to have given up the orchestra to find the next big thing in music. Now at Starr Park he is the conductor of trains specifically the Ghost Train. He still makes music inspired by the darkness and noises of the Ghost Station. Every once in awhile he performs for Gus.
Colette - Works at the gift shop. Psychopath that documents her obsession of other brawlers especially Spike. Multiple pages in scrapbook dedicated to spike. Weard a spike abd piper pin. She collects memorabilia of brawlers. Interestingly enough there is two Collette's in the investor video. We know that it is Colette because for a small frame before the scene changes their teeth become sharp.
Colt - The star attraction of Starr Park. He is a pretty boy sheriff in wild west. Colt runs a jailhouse in Ranger Ranch alongside Shelly. He may be a model and actor as well. Care about their looks a lot. Secretly does spa treatments for themselves. May have a bit of a crush on Shelly but is definitely her friend, letting her get away with crimes. This is possibly from before she started working with him. Possibly a robot from robot cowboy schematics on Starr Park website. Interestingly enough it's captioned as concerning and the writer not knowing how to feel about it. I think it is likely that Colt is a robot but unaware of it since Kairostim tells a lie that Colt knows exactly who he is, was and will be. He may be more nefarious than good as he opposes the Goldarm Gang. His favorite food is peanut butter sandwiches with the crust cut off.
Cordelius - lives in and protects the enchanted forest. It's unsure if the woods are truly enchanted, toxic or both. Plants poisonous mushrooms all over it as he enjoys gardening. He used to be a normal gardener until the toxicity of the woods drove him mad and trapped him there. His brawl talk hinted that the shadow dimension may be his original home. However, through his name's origin there's a theory that he's being controlled by the mushrooms and as such the mushrooms would be from the shadow dimension. Crow - Just appeared in Retropolis one day. Used to get picked on but not anymore since he got poison daggers. Apart of Bull's gang. Theory of mine is he was one of the crows that would bring dynamike shiny objects for food and did so with a gem that ended up awakening him.
Darryl - Robot pirate captain made from a barrel. Only became captain to not do work but now forced to defend ship and treasure. He is the same series of robot as Barley and Rico. May have a rivalry with crow as had one of his daggers sticking in his back.
Doug - The most chill dinosaur at velocirapids. Works as hot dog vendor. Reference to recalled dinosaur inflatable eggs shoe on the website. They were recalled due to having a hatching problem. On the envelope you can see that they paid for permit for "beef and veal" products to be imported. Referencing beef hot dogs or just that there were meaty creatures inside the eggs.
Dynamike - Retired miner but still enjoys hanging in the gem mine and blowing things up. Was at one point lost in a mine and thought dead. Has a pet canary. Worked with Jacky. Discovered the purple gems that awakened people. Was killed by Shelly but mysteriously came back to life. Wkbrl affiliated. Seems to believe or is aware that the purple gems spread a sort of infection. Distrusting of Mr. P as penguins have connections to interdimensional birds. I think important part is he knows Mr. P is suspicious. Possibly has prosthetic arms like in beta sketches. Possibly has gone crazier from exposure to the gems and as such couldnt properly explain the situation on the radio. Possibly responsible for Gene. Distrusting of Spike as he is too friendly. May have a secret friendship with Mortis.
Edgar - A rebel emo boy that works at the gift shop with Colette and Griff. He tries to be cool and mysterious but doesn't pull it off. He attacks anyone who gets to close with his animated scarf. The scarf may be a living creature as it's shown to have bones on Edgar's x-ray.
Emz - Uses Z spray hairspray, which is not suitable for hair. Might be the creator of Z hairspray or face of? Shes a social media star. She is supposed to work with her uncle Mortis but barely shows upm Obsessed with Poco who she keeps a photo of on her phone. Name stands for emo mummy zombie.
Eve - Alien flea in a spaceship. Mother of parasites that are ready to infest other brawlers especially Ruff. He is shown as her suitable host. While searching for Ruff her ship crashed maybe causing the gems in the ground to become infected and purple. After crashing she was captured by Bea but has since escaped. On the website a reference to eve is a useless spaceship toy you can buy at starr park.
Fang - Works at Turbo theatre/Starr Park Cinema. Hes a kickboxer and aspiring actor. Usually only landing low budget martial art films. His best friend is Buster. Has a crush on Shelley. Secretly enjoys Princess Diaries.
Frank - Full name is Franklin. Works the Mortuary at day. Well known Dj often performing in the cemetery at night. The former roommate of Mortis (Mortis was too annoying). Destroyed Rico's first love.
Gale - They're the old and slow janitor at the snowtel. He is cranky and overworked. They are shown in the investor's video. Somewhat suspicious due to being mentioned by Kaorostim and being close to Mr. P.
Gene - A magical genie that runs a shop called the lamporium out of Tara's bazaar. He was somehow able to escape his lamp in the past but his powers and brain are trapped still. If we listen to the ranter (dynamike) he says he found Gene's lamp while prospecting and rubbed it. Now Gene is attached to him.
Gray - Silent film actor in Brawlywood. Works alongside Lola and seems to be annoyed by her constant upstaging. Takes method acting too serious. He makes silent, artsy underground movies. Additionally he has mind powers. Tried to be silent but sometimes messes up.
Griff - Greedy head of the gift shop and boss of Edgar and Collette. Hes always grumpy about business being bad. Described as not very clever. He is a human but unclear if he's also a mascot of sorts.
Grom - Buff russian guy. Works as security at the castle in Starr park. Traumatized by kids so he wears a mask to hide his fear. He got this trauma from working at a kindergarten. His best friend is his walkie talkie named Bud. It appears there's someone not Russian talking to him through it. Name translates to thunder. Possibly the reason Starr park sold pins in russian.
Gus - Weird kid in their PJs. Randomly shows up at the Ghost Station. He makes balloon animals for company. Speculated he was killed after following a balloon dog named Spooky and is now bound to the station. Evidence for this is how in his cinematic all the monsters/ghosts ignored him and went for Buster. All this might just be due to the fact that he looks like a ghost and wasn't scared due to be a supernatural enthusiast. Seems to be obsessed with Spike.
Hank - War survivor shrimp that was being prepared to be eaten until he escaped. He became the fish tank commander supreme in the depths of Starr Park. The tank is a retrofitted fish tank. He seems to be against Otis' spray painting because he likes things clean. He also tries to free sea life fromthe kitchens and markets of Starr Park.
Jacky - Grumpy and foul mouthed. She is a driller. She worked alongside Dynamike. Her loud nature and tools annoys Carl.
Janet - Part of the Stunt Show with her jetpack doing acrobatics. Main attraction as a singer as well. Niece of stu and sister of bonnie.
Jessie - Daughter of Pam. Nani was mad as their nanny. Makes inventions from scraps Pam brings home. Has some part in the radio station WKBRL. Extremely messy. Turret name is scrappy
Kit - Famous for performing at Starr Toon Studios. Though he's famous for playing only cartoon cat roles and is not satisfied with just that. Dreams about one day getting back into acting.
Larry and Lawrie - They are Security at Starr Park. Maintaining order in the park. Larry is the good bot that uses explosives. He sells tickets and loves rules. Lawrie is the older, bad bot that uses a shotgun. He enjoys enforcing rules.
Leon - Lost parents riding rollercoaster at Starr Park. Probably one of the feral children in the jungle before meeting Bo, that Dynamike talks about on WKBRL. Awakened by stealing Bull's gem. Seem to cause trouble around the park with Nita. Stepfather is Bo and sister is Nita. Home is Rumble Jungle. They have ninja abilities which help with their introvertedness.
Lola - Diva and actress at Brawlywood. Part time guide as well. They are the main star doing soap operas and dramas. Obsessed with self and shiny things. Has an evil side. She'll Whatever it takes to be in the spotlight. Her ultimate is just a diamond necklace creating an illusion. Green gems with Australian currency are shown on the Starr park website possibly as reference to Lola.
Lou - Snow cone machine that sells snowcones at the snowtel. They are very friendly. Hasn't made a sale because they give them away.
Maisie - Security and danger prevention/ safety and maintenance at the theatre. She may cause the destruction sometimes though. Wrangles Fang and Buster. She has a love-hate kind of big sister dynamic with them. Her position may extend further than just the theatre as shown from loading screens also the fact that it's been shown that she extinguishes fires and there's no way to do so at starr park besides a single water tower (that may or may not be the surveillance hub.). The fire extinguisher is her prosthetic arm.
Mandy - CEO/Queen of Candyland and menace. Runs Mandy Rainbow Candy. Disguised as a sweet girl in front of cameras but alone she's always cranky. This is often due to Chester or customers. She has a love-hate relationship with Chester. Sells candy with her assistant gummy bear Nita.
Max - speedster super in Super City. She's not quite a superhero yet according to brawl talk. Probably due to not sticking around long enough to actually help. Has their own line of energy drinks (max energy).
Meg - A very smart max energy vending machine repair technician that aspires to be like Max and Surge. Though Max doesn't think Meg is ready yet. However, it seems she does all the heroing while Max and Surge just entertain. Her ultimate is an augmented vending machine repair bot named Rob. They made it because they know they're too weak to be a superhero on her own.
Melodie - A popular Karaoke singer at Starr Park. Enjoys singing K-Pop. She appears to go through mood swings, sometimes acting sweet and other times very harsh.
Mico - Notorious showboater and liar. He works as the boom guy for Brawlywood. Acts as if he is famous by dropping big names. He genuinely thinks he's the biggest directoactor in Brawlywood. He has a very short temper and can't take a joke.
Mr. P - Was possibly much more important previously at Starr park noteworthy of being the overall mascot. We know for a fact they're a mascot due to seeing their skeleton in an animation. Runs and operates the snowtel. Works as bellhop also maybe just to have access to luggage. The original designer of the penguin mascot has gone missing as captioned under penguin sketches on the starr park website. My theory is that Mr. P was the designer. There's a popular theory, based on a caption under a stuffed Mr. p on the website saying the penguin is dirty, that he is an antagonist. His name may possibly be Corbin Peloton which I believe was also the original narrator in the investor video.
Mortis - Grumpy, old and creepy. Runs Mortis Mortuary and prepares bodies. Now that nobody can die at Starr Park though he's been a little disappointed. He is Emz uncle and a vampire. A coffin appears on the starr park website and is captioned as a bed frame. As a vampire it's likely where Mortis sleeps but unclear if he actually does use it as a bedframe. The beach shovel from his skin also appears on the website. Once again showcasing that skins also play apart in the starr park operation maybe when they work in different parts of the theme park.
Nani - Made as a nanny for Jessie by Pam. Though Nani barely keeps up with Jessie. Has a remote control spy cam/explosive named Peep. Was an old security robot until Pam retrofitted her into a nanny cam.
Nita - Lost parents riding the rollercoaster in investor video. Probably one of the feral children in the jungle before meeting Bo, that Dynamike talks about on Wkbrl. Seemed to have been awakened after stealing gem from Bull. Stepfather is Bo and brother is Leon. Home is Rumble Jungle in the park. Potentially raised in shamanism. Bruce the bear. Pet or spirit bear. There's a mechanical defective bear head in the Investor video. A mechanical bear schematic appears on the website. It's unclear if Nita also is the same Nita assistant to Mandy.
Otis - Mysterious creature living in the Underwater Paintball Arena which is in the depths of Starr Park. Hangs out with a starfish pal named Cil. Otis uses her as a stencil for his art. Enjoys making graffiti around the park. Sometimes falls asleep while doing their graffiti.
Pam - Mother of Jessie and creator of Nani. Looks for scraps to make inventions and weapons. Saddened that her work at the Junkyard keeps her from Jessie. May be Spude affiliated (rey) and wkbrl affiliated. I believe appears in the investor video as a woman that moves a board in the background.
Pearl - She is a member of the Goldarm Gang. Sam and Belle created her. It is strange due to Sam's hatred of robots but everyone likes cookies. She is stated as being like a daughter to them. Anyone that messes with Sam and Belle receives her wrath.
Penny - The sidekick of Darryl. Loves coins and blowing things up. Cannon's name is Lenny. Usually followed around by Tick.
Piper - Cheerful baker. Bakes grenades. In love with Rico. May be a prominent figure at Starr Park as they appear on trading cards and in a movie done by Starr Park entertainment called the Umbrella Bandit. Her past is secret and she doesn't talk about it.
Poco - Dead former mariachi member. Unclear if they died due to exposure to gem causing him to burn up. Continues playing their ghostly guitar to try and win fans back from rival band. As shown on starr park website there are Poco animatronics.
Primo - Works at El brunchador. Wrestling themed restaurant. He was a regular man until hit by a meteor. Unclear if its his story or if hes a mascot and this is fake origin. His face is a secret but we know he has black hair and a mustache. The other performers don't get along with him.
Rico - He is a gumball machine robot. A gumball machine can be shown on the Starr Park website and may be the same one used to make Rico. He is the same series as Darryl and Barley. Formerly in love with a vending machine as shown in cinematic. He is in love with Piper. He is known for his trickshot. Used to work ball pit at the arcade.
Rosa - Boxer and Botanist. Survived in jungle by punching plants. Works at Starr Park Gardens. Where they create all the plants and creatures_ in Starr park. Her assistant is Bea. Likes roses. Probably meaningless but there's a coupon on the start park site that expired on their release date. The coupon was for El brunchador maybe symbolizing the end of El primo being the only puncher.
Rt - Supposed to be an information kiosk. Cassette and CCTV awakened by a gem. Possibly combination of Rik the security guard as well. Spies on everyone and knows their secrets. He keeps data on every brawler. The former mentioned water tower is shown in animation as a surveillance headquarters. Home is Starr Park Hub where you can get directions. They report to ?
Ruff - Intelligent strategist and a dog that walks on two legs. Leader of Starr Force. Enemy is Eve due to him being the perfect host for her kids. The enemy of Starr Force is the Worst Bunch.
Sam - Full name Sam Bronson. They're a fugitive and outlaw at starr park. Part of the Goldarm Gang. Hates robots at starr park and has a personal vendetta against them. Possibly due to his old position as a factory hand. Husband of Belle, father of Pearl and maybe another mystery child. Keeps Belle from going too far. May terrorize the Robot Factory in Starr Park.
Sandy - A boy cursed with eternal sleepiness. Somehow also has control over sand. Runs the flying mattress ride at Tara's bazaar. He tries to help his older sister Tara but often falls asleep before he can.
Shelly - Occupies the Wild west. Robs people but gets away with it due to the sheriff's crush or friendship with her. It's unclear if she has become more of a heroine as she's been shown working with Colt at Ranger Ranch. However she may still be more nefarious than good as she opposes the Goldarm Gang. Owns a cat named Kit either named after the Starr Toons star or was them before augmenting.
Spike - A cactus imported to the theme park from Ivan's cactus farm, as shown by an ad on the starr park website. The cactus was awakened by a gem. Spike got their holes accidentally from a shootout. He has a lot of trauma. Everyone thinks he's very friendly. Appears to have become sort of a mascot as they were put on socks, have hedges shaped like and have a mask that starr park sold. His home is Ranger Ranch as a sidekick.
Sprout - Created by Bea and Rosa by mixing nature and technology. They possibly plant things around Starr Park as their codename is Wally.
Stu - Robot uncle and caretaker of Bonnie and Janet. Though in RT's animation it shows the three having dinner so maybe he's not supposed to be. Name might be short for stunt or stand for starr park testing unit. He is a crash test bot used to test new attractions at starr park. People liked seeing him crash so he ended up with a stunt show. He is an award winning stunt performer.
Squeak - Alien-being evolved from the cumulative drool on Ruff's toys due to an incident. Incident may have been Eve. He throws toys covered in sticky drool. Seems to enjoy fetch. Loves Ruff a lot.
Surge - Soda fountain robot protector of Super City. Powered by energy drinks, potentially max energy. Doesn't do much heroing usually just parties, and hands out drinks.
Tara - She has her own bazaar. Predicts fortunes of visitors with tarot cards. Often giving them a bad one and trying to sell them good luco charms. Her younger brother is Sandy. Her ultimate may have toes to the shadow dimension.
Tick - Follows Penny arounds. Self destructs his own head when scared.
Willow - She is a swamp creature that guards the Tunnel of Love while also being a gondoliera. She resides in the Swamp of Love. She manipulates people with the things they love and then takes control of their minds. She may be a shaman.
P.S Section:
In case anyone is able to: There a some curious photos on the starr park website I believe should be investigated if not already. One being a picture of a tunnel and there may be a slightly obscured QR code on it.
There is a photo of a spoon and a collection of plates with areas of starr park displayed but you can't really make out clearly.
There is a telegram between TS and Starr Park. It appears TS is a potential investor. There is weird symbols and things I can't make out with it.
Answer why there is so many 10's and 01's appearing as dates for things.
Why the key chain really emphasizes FOR the KEYS.
There has to be hidden secrets to the spaghetti. It was mentioned to much by the ranter. About how things are hidden in the meatballs.
And maybe it's not investigation worthy but I do think there is something to why pictures are labeled stained, Mr. P burn under the flipper, or broken but from my perspective I can't see any stain or crack on such objects.
P.P.S
Trios I think we'll see in the future:
Post Office
Laundry Service
Tour Guides
Inner Body Attraction
Starr Park Gate
Starr Rail
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2024.02.21 02:04 bai-rouran Lore, History, & Possible Theories on Pantalone

Lore, History, & Possible Theories on Pantalone

[Theories & Lore on Pantalone]

Pantalone, 9th of the Fatui Harbingers and head of the Northland Bank, is teased from the start of the game. As the Traveler explores Teyvat, subtle signs suggest Pantalone’s efforts effectively pace their journey - and yet, he remains nowhere to be seen. However, Genshin Impact has provided sufficient information over the years to suggest we may already know his name, personality, character connections, and role in the plot. The following theories are based on information presented in-game, and real world historical entities. Stop reading now if you haven't completed Archon/Character Story Quests. Otherwise, enjoy!
Part 2 is here, and it's a breakthrough!
*Disclaimer: Don't know how to use Reddit yet, please forgive me for mistakes in formatting.
[What is Pantalone’s Plan?]
Pantalone intends to reclaim economic control from the Gods, and re-center Teyvat’s economy around Snezhnaya. This is acknowledged in the “Moment of Cessation” artifact from the Pale Flame Artifact Set, which alludes to the motivations of several Harbingers. Pantalone’s artifact description includes the following statement:
https://preview.redd.it/82d6anfwvj0d1.png?width=360&format=png&auto=webp&s=58f16778fe413308e9579636dc0125ad17573eaf
“The people of the land from which these coins hail revere contracts above all else. In the name of money, I shall respect the contract between us… We shall, by whatever means necessary, become the heart that pumps money around the world. And, when the moment comes, that heart shall cease beating by our will alone.”
But how, and why?
--Step 1. Halt the production of Mora by enforcing the contract with Zhongli.
https://preview.redd.it/mxc77e7rvj0d1.png?width=512&format=png&auto=webp&s=a0f496813a63b580e3188a8c802967212be66856
One of the Fatui’s first moves was enforcement of the yet-detailed contract made with Zhongli. When Zhongli steps down from the role of the Geo Archon, Paimon questions what will happen to the world economically. After all, the Golden House is the only mint on the entire continent. Zhongli explains the following:
“As the Rex Lapis Morax, I can easily create Mora. But since I have chosen to walk this earth as the mortal Zhongli, I should abide by the same rules that mortals do. (…) …The Mora present now will not vanish. But the Golden House will indeed have to cease operations for a lengthy period of time, since creating Mora requires the use of the Geo Archon's power.”
The game made it a point to emphasize this consequence, and it lends credence to the idea that the Fatui weren’t just interested in the Geo Gnosis, but economic destabilization of the entire continent. Given their ambitions, it’s unlikely they’d create this problem unless they also intended to solve it.
--Step 2. Use Northland Bank and lending policies to ensure Snezhnaya gains control over the remaining Mora in circulation
https://preview.redd.it/dazvms40xj0d1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=3f3075e05cf9d588a01c7d5b28aa2de064fb3d36
Note that we’re observing Pantalone’s plan in real time, and this is likely why we haven’t met him yet. You can find ample evidence walking around Teyvat that he's still in the process of establishing banks in Nations (check out message boards in different cities including the Fontaine location, which just opened), advertising lending rates heavily (see Liyue message board, Fontaine message board), financing Fatui business (likely including the emergency Fatui finances used to help repair Poisson), overseeing illegal trade routes (see Yelan's Story Details,) overseeing the loan sharks in some capacity (see: Mister Qi's dialogue on being afraid to seek a loan after a friend who failed to pay the bank "disappeared"), and so on. It's also noted the Fatui made it a point to purchase other banks in Liyue, including the Minghua Bank. Per Gentry De'an:
"I used to have my own bank... The Minghua Company and the Minghua Bank used to be the two proudest stores on this whole street. But then those bankers from Snezhnaya started descending on the Liyue financial market... All thanks to backing from the Fatui, I might add, not an honest-to-god bootstrapper among them! Anyway... that marked the beginning of the end for the old guard... If I was a young man with some fight left in me, oh you can be sure I'd be fighting to make my comeback... But there's not much an old man like me can do now. The Fatui? What about them? ...You've never heard of them? They came over here from Snezhnaya, flaunting their diplomatic immunity, then they started poking around business circles, putting feelers out... I had a bad feeling about them from the start. Then they started interfering with my business... They were intent on getting Snezhnayan investment into Liyue one way or another. They were just relentless. Eventually, I had no choice but to sell off the bank to them. And the company? Who knows how much longer it will last. Business is getting worse by the day..."
In other words, these markets are being insidiously monopolized. Pantalone’s a busy man, and he’s going to extreme lengths to ensure he has meaningful influence over the economy.
--Step 3. Make the “Heart” of the economy Snezhnaya: stop circulating Mora, and replace it with a new currency
https://preview.redd.it/q0ergji4xj0d1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=4b9afc949b6a8c3b3df950226f7df6dc5e61f2a9
Hoyoverse tells stories in fragmented and disjointed ways with the intent of having players fit the pieces together like a puzzle, and that’s precisely what we’re doing with Pantalone. With the introduction of the Fortress of Meropide, and Wriothesley’s weapon description, we learned the following: Pantalone made use of the Fortress of Meropide as a “micro economy” to test this plan, before turning it on the rest of the world. He did so by establishing the Credit Coupons as an alternative and community-specific currency to Mora, and used the device now known as the Cashflow Supervision Catalyst to observe how the economy functioned.
“It may be difficult for you to imagine this with words alone, so allow me to show you how it’d look like in the world. We’ll start by creating a new currency to replace the dependence on Mora. As for the location, it should be a micro-economy isolated from the rest of the world. I’ve set my sights on a nation within a nation with minimal interference from the divine. Infiltrating it shouldn’t take too much time. And what should I name the new currency? Hmm, I am really not a fan of naming things. Oh, I’ve got just the word. In honor of the credit you’ve given me to run this experiment, I will call it the “Credit Coupon.”
-Why? He’d prefer it be a dog-eat-dog world, not a God-eat-dog world.
As Wanderer puts it in his About voicelines, the Regrator is “obsessed with the idea of ‘fair exchange’, to the point of wanting to overthrow the natural imbalance between gods and humans.”
https://preview.redd.it/vqvi0nudxj0d1.png?width=250&format=png&auto=webp&s=0aa19215caced9688ca72190ef2485491668b07c
As for the Cashflow Supervision Catalyst’s description:
“Either to become a rentier and gain power and control, or to be subjected to control and work to death. The rules are always fair. Thus, humanity will stand on equal ground with the Gods by virtue of their inherent ambitions and wealth, and the weak who failed to prevail shall be swallowed by the flood that is the mortal world. The power of the Gods shall no longer intervene to embellish the power of the wealthy before the poor, Nor shall the wealth of the Gods descend, to rescue the dignity of the poor from the feet of the rich.”
[What’s His Personal Motivation?]
-The Moment of Cessation artifact description from the Pale Flame set in the Archive suggests the roots of his motivations to lie in the trauma of poverty, and rejection or invalidation.
“Money is the lifeblood of the world, and the pathways along which it flows are the world’s arteries. Then, the center of the world is a heart made of gold. He was not one of the favored, and could only pursue worldly power. But though money ought mean nothing to the Gods, they held it firmly in their grasp nonetheless, along with countless other forms of power they wielded. Perhaps he lusted for money because he had once been destitute, or perhaps the fact that the gods had never looked upon him with favor ignited a burning desire for resistance inside him…”
-In other words, this man probably didn’t get a hug, food, or a Vision when he really needed it.
My personal interpretation leans towards “profoundly traumatized and acting out” particularly because of Pantalone's fixation with comparing nuances of wealth to life itself. Repeated references to the “Heart of Gold”, “arteries”, “lifeblood”, and so on may be an allusion to his understanding of reality: the circulation of money is the difference between life and death.
[Okay, So What’s Pantalone's Real Name?]
By process of elimination, Pantalone’s name may be Rouran. But to properly answer this question, we must look at history, and establish our understanding of 3 different characters + relationships. Pantalone, Baizhu, and Rouran respectively.
-Who is Pantalone? The “Regrator”. "Regrator" means "a person who regrates or buys up commodities in advance and sells them for a higher price, especially during a crisis." An ambitious Fatui Harbinger active in Liyue, with serious business acumen, and a mysterious/deceptive nature indicated by the Smiling Man trope. He may be frail or ill, and this is emphasized by his comparatively pale skin in the Fatui Harbinger line-up, and the white chunk of hair curling around the left side of his face – suggestive that he has used a Delusion to unhealthy extents. He sports expensive and formal attire, including extensive jewelry and regal colors.
-Who is Baizhu? The Pharmacist of Bubu Pharmacy. An ambitious healer from Liyue, with serious business acumen, and a mysterious/deceptive nature indicated by the Smiling Man trope. He is canonically ill due to his contract with Changsheng, evidenced by his Story Quest (and playable voicelines featuring him coughing upon running.) He sports comfortable and colorful attire, including woven snake motifs.
-Who is Rouran? The mysterious proprietor of the Pearl Galley, the “Lotus Boat” anchored off of Liyue Harbor. Once you've completed "The Ocean Pearl" quest, Luoxia will tell you: "There are very, very few who have the privilege of meeting the boss… If I may say one more thing… If you do indeed meet our boss, do be mindful of your actions. Our boss may seem like a delicate flower, but you will find few thorns to match in all of Liyue Harbor.” She also compares the Traveler to Rouran, mentioning he's an "optimist." What little we know about the Pearl Galley informs what we know about Rouran. He's likely to possess business acumen and confidence given the operation he's running. Based on Luoxia’s description, “Rouran” may be ill, gentle in appearance, and dangerous.
[So Wait, What About-?!]
-Why can’t Baizhu be Rouran? If we’re operating on the assumption that all of the information the game has handed to us is true so far, Baizhu’s temperament and contract with Changsheng disqualify him from being Rouran. The contract stipulates a number of required traits, including “purity of heart.” Given this, it’s unlikely Baizhu would secretly run a Flower Boat. Flower Boats, historically, are brothels where a number of illegal activities take place. In other words, the Pearl Galley is a brothel where folks regularly dine/drink themselves to death/disappear; this is confirmed by word-of-mouth in-game, and the "Connoisseur Catalog" the Traveler can peruse, which lists the escorts available under codenames.
https://preview.redd.it/wlmyznhpwj0d1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=717a6a9778f9552b880ec83da29f52a7c1ef6205
-Why can’t Yelan be Rouran? This was a popular theory prior to Yelan’s release, and has been debunked by several factors. Yelan works for Ningguang, and has her full trust, which is quite rare. Yelan’s story reveals her interests are primarily in protecting Liyue. Per Luoxia, the Pearl Galley has the Qixing’s “tacit” approval, suggesting a silent tolerance between the two, not a happy or formal agreement. The secret ‘casino' Yelan was suggested to be affiliated with turned out to be the Yanshang Teahouse, not the Pearl Galley. Finally, Yelan works alongside Uncle Tian - who is actively keeping tabs on the boat, under the guise of "fishing."
https://preview.redd.it/kpa3azok0k0d1.jpg?width=1382&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=85f0296f72fdc5f7623bfae43aa8b0d904e19be1
[So, why would Pantalone be Rouran?]
-1. The name “Rouran” (柔然) in and of itself may be a dead giveaway. As you already know, Hoyoverse takes inspiration in plot and character designs from real-world history. If you research “Rouran”, you’ll come across the Rouran Khaganate. So, allow me to provide you with a brief and inspecific history lesson, featuring the Rouran Khaganate.
https://preview.redd.it/7rxnxmc0yj0d1.png?width=220&format=png&auto=webp&s=eaab278be595499d05a117a0566beb1bc02c52b0
-“The founder of the Rouran Khaganate, Yujiulu Shelun, was descended from Mugulü, a slave of the Xianbei ... Considered an imperial confederation, the Rouran Khaganate was based on the "distant exploitation of agrarian societies", although many researchers claim that the Rouran had a feudal system, or "nomadic feudalism". The Rouran controlled trade routes, and raided and subjugated oases and outposts such as Gaochang. Their society is said to show the signs of "both an early state and a chiefdom". The Rouran have been credited as "a band of steppe robbers", because they adopted a strategy of raids and extortion of Northern China. The Khaganate was an aggressive militarized society, a "military-hierarchical polity established to solve the exclusively foreign-policy problems of requisitioning surplus products from neighbouring nations and states. The Rouran Khaganate made up the territories later known as China, Kazakhstan, Mongolia, and Russia."
This sums up most literature better than I could after reading in depth. Later historical references discuss forceful diplomacy, alternating gifts/aid with attacks. Other Harbingers territorial affiliations have already been implied/openly established to degrees that leave Pantalone and Liyue as major uncertainties. Pantalone’s establishment of illegal trade routes, attacks on existing trade routes (see Yelan's Story Details), and extortion of other nations to benefit Snezhnaya notably resembles the Rouran Khaganate’s own dominating history. It's worth noting that the Rouran Khaganate is thought to have begun with the descendant of a slave; given Pantalone himself is described as having once been "destitute" (meaning, so impoverished he didn't have basic necessities for survival.) It's also worth noting that in every historical text I've consulted, Yujiulu Shelun is described as particularly cruel and genius in matters of political organization and commerce, to revolutionary extents.
Per Uncle Tian's commentary on Pantalone at the end of Yelan's Story Quest: "Regrator" is the 9th of the Fatui Harbingers, though likely the first among them where wealth is concerned. However, his "wealth" is not a mere question of how much Mora he has to his name. He has a very unique understanding of wealth... And what he's planning may very well shake the world to its core."
2. But wait! There’s more! Let’s talk about the currency used by the Rouran Khaganate.
“The nomadic tribe of Jouan-Jouan, later known as the Rouran Khaganate, conquered the Kushan city of Balkh around 195 CE, and occupied it until the Sasanians drove them out around 230 CE. They issued their own coins, crudely imitating the coinage of King Huvishka.” Some historians and coin collectors assert the abundant presence of these coins indicated that the Rouran Khaganate may have taken over a number of cities like Balkh, and replaced their currency to establish control – much like the Fatui and Pantalone intend to.
3. The ominous implications of the Pearl Galley’s purpose: The rules and ambiance of the Pearl Galley are very interesting, as they suggest the primary purpose of the vessel is actually intelligence-gathering and assassination.
The rules are as follows: Guests can only board with an invitation, and only existing members can extend invitations. When speaking with Pinghai, the Boatman, he'll tell you the following: "The Pearl Galley is where the wealthy bigwigs of Liyue pass their time. It's no place for plebeians. With the exception of honored guests, any ordinary person who goes aboard will just be there as an onlooker." When you board without permission and begin the invitation quest, you'll discover the guests participating onboard singing its praises are primarily wealthy merchants visiting the Harbor on serious business.*
However, when you speak with Uncle Zhao, a guard on the boat, you’ll discover a different, darker narrative: “Some guests will party lavishly one day, and then be gone without a trace the next – as if they never existed at all. I’ve served as a guard on board this ship for over a decade now. Such occurrences are hardly new. This Pearl Galley is dazzling to gaze upon, but there won’t even be bones left by the time it’s done picking you clean. If you’ve nothing else to do, don’t stick around these parts. Eyes on the prize, Traveler.”
The Pearl Galley is manipulative and extortionate in its very design, using exclusivity, luxuries/vices, and interpersonal connections to lure what could be considered high value targets, who drink and loosen their tongues. Whether these people are being "disappeared" because of their influence, or because they indulge to the extent of debt, is unclear. But in either case, this methodology and reasoning would certainly track with the espionage-oriented methods Pantalone's subordinates (and other Fatui) tend towards in quests; and may explain a question raised by multiple Liyue characters in Yelan's Quest: How is Pantalone obtaining sufficient intel to remain active in Liyue's political/commercial affairs? "Rouran" owns the boat upon which the rich and powerful frequent to "eat, drink, and be merry!"
[*Interestingly, if you speak with one of these guests in the evening, you’ll learn he was diagnosed with a terminal illness by Baizhu, and chose to live the rest of his life indulging. He frames it positively, but it’s evident he’s a drunken, emotional mess. Why am I noting this? See below for the Foil theory.*]
4. How Rouran takes interest in the Traveler:
The nature of "The Ocean Pearl" invitation quest itself also implicates Rouran's identity. When the Traveler boards the Pearl Galley for the first time, you're taken aside by Luoxia, the manager, who informs you that you need an invitation to remain onboard. You're given the opportunity to go around the boat begging for invitations. Interestingly, none of the wealthy/decadent merchants help you, all citing issues of character, self importance, and exclusivity. Only the humble staff are willing to work with you. After helping the staff and talking with Luoxia again, you'll learn those you helped are finding ways to advocate or "get around" the rules for you.
"Don't you find it amusing? The VIPs are quick to turn you away without a second thought, while it's the regular folk who are happy to lend you a hand." Then, Luoxia informs you it's all unnecessary.
Rouran had already prepared an invitation, taking interest in the Traveler "quite some time ago", and required the Traveler do the work nonetheless before receiving the invitation.
Again, only the wealthy and socially elite are invited to the Pearl Galley, and the mysterious owner himself prepared a letter and a wild goose chase for the Traveler, to teach them a lesson about earning their place. Keep in mind that using a Vision-bearer is canonically worthless during the quest; we were anticipated to have boarded using a Glider (not Kaeya) by Luoxia, and the quest required we climb the tallest peaks in Liyue for Qingxin flowers. The Traveler had to rough it without elemental powers to succeed. This mirrors Pantalone's rhetoric. His belief in fairness is very much about attaining power on your own merits. Rouran may have been teaching the Traveler a lesson about his own perspective on life.
5. Luoxia mentions meeting Rouran is rare, suggestive of someone who is very busy or living somewhere distant. If Pantalone is currently managing the economic state of Snezhnaya from Snezhnaya, it tracks that a periphery operation like the Pearl Galley would be left to subordinates.
6. Luoxia’s description of Rouran’s appearance: Rouran is framed as a “delicate flower,” but the Traveler is warned not to drop their guard based on Rouran’s appearances. Gotta be real, here: My entire argument is just for y’all to look at the official video featuring Pants, and then try to tell me he’s not a delicate flower. Come on, now.
https://preview.redd.it/tlu6zh9awj0d1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=89b18050f7b23646247cab7112b37ada54649fb5
Joking aside, what’s particularly notable is that Hoyoverse emphasized the lock of white hair tussled over Pantalone’s shoulder compared to other Harbingers, and his overall paleness in the Fatui character design line-up. If “delicate flower” is referencing Rouran’s appearances or constitution, it’s possible this weakness relates to an illness from the use of something like a Delusion.
That all said, there are 2 flaws to this theory. Accuracy may be contingent on whether or not Hoyoverse felt like pranking us.
Did we already meet him or not? When we discuss Rouran with Luoxia during the quest to obtain an invitation to the Pearl Galley, Luoxia goes out of her way to mention the following. “You may have already met him…” This statement was the primary reason everyone cast suspicion on Baizhu – after all, we met him during the Liyue Archon Quest, and he suits the “delicate flower” definition rather well.
However, Baizhu’s “purity of heart” and passive temperament likely disqualify him from being Rouran, and no other character part of the existing Playable or NPC casts before this quest became available quite suits Luoxia’s full description of Rouran. Additionally, after completion of the quest, Luoxia’s line changes somewhat – she warns the Traveler to mind their actions if you do meet Rouran, leaving the original insinuation up in the air.
Translation conflicts: Some translations of the discussion the Traveler has with Luoxia about Rouran suggest the pronouns were left neutral or feminine instead of "he," leaving Rouran's gender entirely up in the air.
I was informed there may be a plausible explanation for this involving homonym-based wordplay in the CN version of Pearl Galley materials, Pantalone's CN codename "Furen," and a certain media trope about "Madams" running brothels. After further investigation, it's worth noting, as one of the last recorded noble Rouran descendants was named Yujiulu Furen, and Hoyoverse has used wordplay before for lore. Unfortunately, there isn't room to discuss it properly here; I recommend looking up archaic variations of the honorifics "Lady" and "Madam" in Chinese, (hint-hint, "Fu'ren") and then checking out the CN translation and comment sections of Rouran's wiki page for details, as other players have commented on it in varying depth. That said, it's ultimately another facet of supposition without further info.
In other words, Rouran may be 3 Xianglings in a trenchcoat (i.e. someone innocent-seeming and totally unexpected to imagination-defying lengths), a forgettable NPC villain we’ve encountered before, or he’s someone we’ve yet to personally encounter, after all.

"But Baizhu Still Seems Really Sus... Are you sure about this?"

[Introducing: The Foil Theory]
There’s an argument to be made (with limited information) that the original suspicion cast upon Baizhu being Pantalone isn’t entirely unfounded... But rather, that the controversy surrounding him was deliberate on Hoyoverse’s part. Naturally, everyone jumped to 2 binary conclusions when Pantalone's design was released; they must either be the same person in disguise, or Hoyoverse was just *that* lazy during character design. I suspect we jumped to the wrong conclusions. Pantalone and Baizhu may be intentionally likened to one another as part of a narrative device called a “foil.”
Wait, what’s a foil? “In any narrative, a foil is a character who contrasts with another character in order to better highlight or differentiate certain qualities of the protagonist. A foil to the protagonist may also be the antagonist of the plot.” This narrative device is commonly used in the original Commedia Dell'arte (the Italian Theatre works the Harbingers roles were inspired by,) typically a comic foil between Pantalone and Il Dottore, or "The Doctor." In the cases of Pantalone and Dr. Baizhu in Genshin Impact, there are a number of intersections to suggest a connection, with their *moral character* being their primary differences as of now. There's a ton to touch upon, I can't get to all of it, but I'll do my best. Genshin Impact is likely deliberately contrasting these two for plot purposes, and the most solid evidence for this is:
-1. How we meet Baizhu, Baizhu's Contract, and the meaning of Pantalone's Codename:
We first meet Baizhu during the quest to gather materials for the Rite of Parting. Think back to the events of the legendary "Cocogoat". Baizhu, upon learning of our efforts and intentions to help Qiqi, was happy to sell us Everlasting Incense – for the modest sum of 3 million Mora. When Childe attempted to barter with coconut milk, the price was lowered by a whopping 10,000 Mora, to which everyone gives into. At the end of the exchange, Changsheng remarks:
"That sound is the laughter of a man who's found new people to fleece. Consider yourselves warned..." Baizhu took advantage of the crisis of Rex Lapis’ death to make a profit, fulfilling the definition of “Regrator.”
This was particularly suspicious if you considered the reactions of the other merchants involved in the quest, who offered discounts or items for free upon learning what they were being used for. Care for the Gods didn’t even make Baizhu hesitate before overcharging.
https://preview.redd.it/c84krlekxj0d1.png?width=1444&format=png&auto=webp&s=99c2812595d36bab20b9348fe0ebea764aa9b73e
Baizhu exhibited a near-callous degree of business acumen on our first meeting, and it's noted that this isn't uncommon for him. This led players to the assumption Baizhu/Pantalone/Rouran were the same person. When Pantalone's base design was released, this sentiment spiraled out further.
However, again, Baizhu's background and lore - particularly his contract with Changsheng - suggest this isn't reasonable. Baizhu is well-intended, and every context in which he's been framed as questionable has ultimately boiled down to his pursuit of immortality to protect Changsheng and others. Even Qiqi testifies to his good character, as she can sense he holds personal concern for her beyond his motivations, and he's very protective of her from more "troublesome" characters like Xingqiu and Hu Tao. Pantalone, however, is deeply implicated in a number of darker affairs. Why would Genshin Impact go out its way to introduce us to Baizhu in a decidedly suspicious light… Then introduce Pantalone, and implicate ambitions related to the imbalance between mortals and Gods… And then later spend Baizhu's first questline canonically asserting his good character, and ambitions to attain immortality – something only Gods typically possess?
To emphasize that while he shares meaningful relevance to the plot, and similarity to a yet-met villain, his good character distinguishes him from that villain.
  1. Other appearances in the plot so far:
Baizhu and Pantalone’s similarities run deeper than their base designs, and their main differences emerge in the morality of their businesses and motivations. Here’s further evidence suggesting their characters are being deliberately contrasted in-game: Guan Hong, the man aboard the Pearl Galley who is dying of a terminal illness.
https://preview.redd.it/9x7oo0gs0k0d1.jpg?width=1162&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1867c39fb6b9a0f8b750a19598bfbc069baeda6f
If the Traveler speaks with him in the evening, you’ll learn he spent his entire life working and sacrificing his health, only to acquire a terminal illness.
"What am I doing? I'm enjoying life! I always thought that work was the most important thing. I slept little, ate little — got myself neither a wife nor kids! ...At least, that was until Dr. Baizhu told me I was a goner a little while back. That's when I figured it out! What work? What career? It's all hogwash! Good thing all the money I've saved in my earlier years is more than enough for me to wine and dine myself to death here at the Pearl Galley... Actually, when I put it like that, things aren't so bad! Hahaha! See you around, then."
Baizhu tried his best, but was unable to help him. Guan Hong laments that he never took the time to take care of himself, or settle & start a family: so he chose to spend the remainder of his life dining and drinking aboard the Pearl Galley.
‘Rouran’ is evidently more than happy to let the world "swallow" Guan Hong, as he spends the rest of his money killing himself in a depressive alcoholic spiral.
Furthermore, Baizhu and Pantalone indirectly “clash” during Yelan’s Story Quest. As a refresher, Pantalone’s subordinates attempted a power-grab during Yelan's quest. Uncle Tian was poisoned as part of these events, and it was none other than Baizhu who developed the antidote to the poison, saving him just in time. Changsheng makes an interesting comment: “How did they successfully secure such a seldom-seen poison? It seems the Fatui are extremely resourceful! Unfortunately for them, they were up against us.”
Yet again, these two were distantly but deliberately entangled in the contexts of life and death, with Baizhu's involvement representing hope and life, and Pantalone's involvement representing apathy and death.
3. Enormous rhetoric, ambitions, and sacrifices related to the "natural imbalance" between humans and Gods:
Baizhu's motivations for his somewhat questionable business practices and research stem from grief and the desire for control, as he resents death. He lost both of his parents to a terrible and bloody plague at a young age, and later his Master to the Contract. He heals others at great cost to himself, and is frequently bedridden. He possesses the earnestly kind desire to help people while rescuing Changsheng from the nature of their Contract. To Hu Tao's point, he's effectively blaspheming by attempting to attain immortality itself; something only Gods tend to possess. And he's doing so with the support of a Vision.
Pantalone’s motivations for his unethical business practices stem from yet-revealed trauma related to poverty, and the desire to feel in control over life and death through wealth; he's subjugating people across the continent in the name of his somewhat callous definition of "fairness" to spite the Gods, likely sacrificing his health with the aid of a Delusion. He's doing so without the support of a Vision.
They share a distinct fixation on fairness: If you speak with Baizhu or paid attention to in-game information about him, you'll find that he believes strongly in fairness in multiple respects. His definition of fairness always boils down to care and equality; for example, one of his "About Us" voicelines:
"I tend to anyone who comes to Bubu Pharmacy seeking medical attention, regardless of their wealth or status. I treat everyone fairly, and I do my best to heal them. You are no exception."
Similarly, you'll find he often laments about the fairness of death and sacrifice; particularly when he speaks of his Master, and of the greater issue of physicians failing to prioritize themselves. "Those who willingly give themselves up for others are worthy of our respect, but we should not accept their sacrifice as predestined or an inevitable part of life."
As noted above, in-game information regarding the Regrator highlights a fixation with a more selfish version of fairness:
"Either to become a rentier and gain power and control, or to be subjected to control and work to death. The rules are always fair. Thus, humanity will stand on equal ground with the Gods by virtue of their inherent ambitions and wealth, and the weak who failed to prevail shall be swallowed by the flood that is the mortal world."
To the Regrator, struggling to death is a natural consequence divine power shouldn't interfere with. To Baizhu, it's an affront he'll do anything, including using his Vision, to rectify. They're both implied to be very passionate and reactive about these conflicting ideologies.
4. Their character models, lilt, and body language/facial expressions:
Let’s address Pantalone and Baizhu’s appearances and self-expression; particularly symbolism in their base designs. Their physical similarities extend to their split hairpieces with hair hanging over the left eye, bottom-rimmed bejeweled glasses, tall model type, and black-and-white Yin-Yang motifs.
https://preview.redd.it/mlx0ezdq1k0d1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=20103b16761e8e8bca58f3f1b65abf18869d7d1c
Here's why their differences are rather interesting: Baizhu's untamed bright hair falls gently over the left side of his face, while Pantalone's dark hair falls over the left side of his face with a devilish curl. Baizhu's glasses feature a free-hanging chain on the right side, while Pantalone's appear to be an attached chain. Baizhu dresses flashily, but ultimately comfortably; Pantalone dresses flashily and formally. Baizhu's Yin-Yang motif presents in his black and white armpieces, with his left armband being black and right being white. Pantalone's Yin-Yang motif presents in the black and white heart-shaped pattern on his coat (likely referencing the 'Heart of Gold'), with the left side of the "heart" being white, and the right being black. The physical similarities and differences highlighted between them suggest intimate, yet opposing tastes and natures.
Now on to affect/body language, keeping in mind that all of this is deliberately scripted for our interpretation: If you're an EN player, you’ll notice their English voice actors both make it a point to speak with a melodic lilt, and both characters have a habit of chuckling before speaking on serious or interesting matters. Their choreography features slow and thoughtful hand gestures, suggestive of similar attitudes. Our first meeting/sighting of Baizhu and Pantalone feature close-up scenes of them smiling with their eyes closed, suggestive of a “two-faced” or “masking” nature. This trope is typically used to convey contradictions in affect, intentions, or personality that unnerve or raise the suspicions of the audience; and only Pantalone and Baizhu have distinctly displayed these constellations of body language so far. This degree of mirroring in body language and affect appears deliberate.
In essence, there are degrees of direct information and symbolism to suggest Hoyoverse wants us to pay closer attention to these two's relationship to one another, and the plot.
[Anyway...] My point is ultimately that this game loves to tease us, and the in-game lore combined with some historical information paints a compelling picture as to who Pantalone is, and how the plot may advance. My fingers hurt, but I was driven, I guess. Share your thoughts and have a day!
(Just a lil nudge. Part 2 is even cooler.)
submitted by bai-rouran to Genshin_Lore [link] [comments]


2024.01.07 05:00 BeastTamer56 Not OP. AITA for "going out for cigarettes" in the middle of my date?

Not OP. AITA for submitted by BeastTamer56 to redditonwiki [link] [comments]


2024.01.06 21:30 Effective_Heat_3885 AITA for "going out for cigarettes" in the middle of my date?

I (F39) walked out on my date (Joe M39) last night after he acted disrespectful and inconsiderate. He’s not a boyfriend. We were FWB until last night. I really wanted the relationship to progress and in the beginning, he showed me great care and was even loving. But as we developed our connection, he started doing things that were hurtful. For example, he eyed another guest at a party and talked about how hot she is. This was awkward because I didn’t know how to respond. He was not my boyfriend and saying something might put me to ridicule. On two occasions, he laughed at my emotional responses and on one occasion, he said he could tell when I was jealous because my shoulders always got stiff.
I won a coupon to a cool restaurant and went to redeem it and invited Joe. We ate and drank and generally had been on a good run for the past few days. All of a sudden, he said that he had a terminal disease and thanked me for the gesture. He went on talking in a very serious tone about leaving his family and how he just wanted to live life to the fullest. I broke down crying and couldn’t stop. It was extremely painful and I couldn’t regain my composure. I wasn’t sobbing or anything, just crying quietly. He tried to calm me down and eventually said it was a prank. I thought he was lying just to get me to stop crying but when he cracked into a laughter I had it. He ordered more drinks and I excused myself to the bathroom, found our waitress and redeemed my coupon and paid the remaining amount only for my food and left. The original arrangement was to use the coupon and combine it for the whole check.
He called me after about 15 minutes, asking if I was okay, I said yes, but I needed a few more minutes. He sounded confused and called me again and again until he called me all irritated asking me what was going on and said he was in front of the restrooms. I refused to answer any of his questions. He asked me for the coupon but I said I didn't know what he was talking about. I blocked him after that. His siblings had to transfer him money so that he could pay (according to his friends), which I’ve rebuked since, TBH, I never said anything about a free meal or the ticket being used exclusively for his food or me paying for everything. It’s not my fault if he ordered $200+ in food and drink and I can use my ticket however I want to.
His cousin says I’m in the wrong because I exposed Joe’s financial situation and he was singled out by the restaurant manager. And that he was humiliated. AITA?
submitted by Effective_Heat_3885 to AITAH [link] [comments]


2023.12.22 21:16 CatwickBosecat 12 Favorite Christmas Sitcom Episodes!

  1. Single Parents - The Magic Box (1.10) Logline: Angie scrambles to find a last-minute gift when the guy she’s been casually seeing surprises her with a Christmas present. Angie’s son begins to question the plausibility of Santa. Will has a complex holiday gifting system for his daughter. It’s Poppy’s first year without her son for the holidays post-divorce, so Douglas brings her to his club’s annual Christmas competition.
This has a lot of great details - Angie being sexually attracted to Santa, Miggy (an adult) still believing in Santa, Graham’s confusion about how Santa could logistically visit 800 houses per second. The most poignant moment is Will telling Angie why every year he buys his daughter incredible gifts but says they are from her mom, his ex. She lives abroad and Will explains that Sophie is growing so fast that there’s no way her mom can keep up with her changing interests. Will’s Christmas gift is seeing Sophie’s face light up thinking her mom knows her so well. This was a solid episode, but it didn’t hit the comic highs or emotionality of episodes higher on the list.
  1. Friends - The One with the Holiday Armadillo (7.10) Logline: Ross has his son with him for the holidays this year, so he decides to teach Ben about Hanukkah. This nails the truest Hanukkah tradition - trying to get Jewish kids to think Hanukkah is anywhere near as exciting as Christmas.
Ben is half Jewish through Ross, and Ross keeps trying to pique Ben’s interest, but the ancient history of the Maccabees doesn’t hold a candle to the joy that is Santa Claus. Ross tries to teach Ben the dreidel song, Ben belts out Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer. Eventually, Ross gives up, but there are no Santa costumes available to rent, so Ross brings up a quintessential Friends seasonal tradition: the Holiday Armadillo, Santa’s half-Jewish friend. Thematically, this plot feels special, but I wish the set dec rose to the same level. There’s not much by way of Hanukkah or Christmas decorations, although the shot of the gang - Ben and the Holiday Armadillo included - lighting the menorah through the window was lovely. However, the Phoebe/Rachel/Joey plot is completely unrelated to Ross’s situation or the holidays, bringing down the over holiday-ness of the episode.
  1. 30 Rock - Secret Santa (2.9) Logline: Jack and Liz decide to exchange Christmas gifts that don’t cost money. Jenna never contributes to the Christmas bonus the cast and crew give to the cleaning ladies, so Pete punishes her by making her annual Christmas solo a duet. Toofer, Lutz, and Frank don’t want to participate in Kenneth’s Secret Santa Fun Swap, so they make up a new religion.
This is such a solid Christmas episode - it’s infused in every plotline. Jack is fantastic at gift-giving - what isn’t the man gifted at - so he challenges himself by making his Christmas gift exchange with Liz only free gifts. They can’t spend any money. Liz’s zero-dollars gift is calling in a bomb threat to Penn Station so Jack’s crush can’t make her train. Jack’s gift to Liz is a memento from Liz’s gender-bent high school production of The Crucible. These two are chaotic and it couldn’t be funnier. On the TGS front, Pete is bitter that every year Jenna declines to contribute to the Christmas bonus for the cleaning ladies. She knows that it’s signed “from the cast and crew,” so she’ll get credit. (It’s a weird point - I feel like Jenna simply wouldn’t care what support staff thinks about her.) When Pete realizes new cast member Danny has a great voice, he makes Jenna’s Christmas episode solo a duet. In the end, Jenna heartbreakingly tells Danny that her childhood Christmases were all bad, but the one bright spot was getting to sing in public. During the live show, Danny intentionally sings off key so Jenna has her moment to shine. It’s a very sweet moment, undercut with the comedy of Pete’s offstage (off-screen?) disappointment. At the office, Kenneth has an annual Secret Santa Fun Swap made onerous by a convoluted set of rules. To get out of participating, Toofer, Lutz, and Frank claim to be practicing members of Verdukianism, prohibiting them from celebrating Christmas. When Kenneth learns they were making it up, he starts to lose his own faith - he’d never realized religion could be made up. Ultimately the three are arrested at the end of the episode - Liz called in the bomb threat on their phone under their name - and Kenneth sees it as divine retribution, restoring his faith. If so much of the episode wasn’t dedicated to Jack reuniting with his high school crush - which doesn’t really relate to the holiday - this could be a top five episode.
  1. Fresh Off the Boat - The Real Santa (2.10) Logline: Jessica tries to “fix” Santa for her son Evan, claiming Santa has advanced degrees and adding more complex layers to the lie. Meanwhile, Eddie helps Emery figure out a last minute present for their mom.
This is a charming if untraditional homage to Christmas! I loved Jessica’s model village and how it was used for scene transitions. Jessica wants to make Santa a more aspirational figure for Evan, which starts by making Santa a scientist (meaning whoever plays Santa at Cattleman’s Ranch will have to answer complex math questions) and ends with Evan meeting “Laoban” (or “Boss”) Santa, a Chinese woman with multiple degrees and a LeBaron she leases, as its better for her taxes. She makes a pretty compelling point - who else would be thoughtful and organized enough to keep a detailed list of what every child wants but a woman? Who else could figure out the complex science behind a flying sleigh, yet be slight enough to fit down a chimney? To quote Evan, that dude Chinese. Meanwhile, Emery had lovingly handcrafted the last missing piece to Jessica’s model village, but Honey gives her the exact piece. Eddie’s advice is to let the situation work itself out, seeing the pro in procrastination. First he suggests Emery calligraph a poem Eddie wrote, but it turns out to be plagiarized from Tupac. In the end, Honey’s figurine is accidentally smashed, and Emery’s backup homemade piece saves the Christmas village. This episode is unabashedly about Christmas - literally rewriting Santa’s origin story and debating thoughtful vs novelty gifts, albeit not a traditional Christmas.
  1. Ted Lasso - Carol of the Bells (2.4) Logline: Rebecca brings Ted, in his first post-divorce holiday, along on her special Christmas tradition. Higgins hosts all foreign football players who can’t celebrate at home for Christmas dinner with his family. Keeley and Roy’s Sexy Christmas plans are put on hold when Phoebe has to spend the day with them.
Man, I miss filler episodes of comedies! The spirit of Ted Lasso fits naturally into the Christmas spirit. Higgins opens his home to players every year, but never gets more than two. This year - likely due to the team spirit Ted worked so hard to cultivate - they get nearly everyone, with international players bringing something from their home countries. The slow pull back to reveal they’ve expanded the kitchen table by using the pool table and the surfboard Higgins’ son unwrapped earlier is just perfect. Meanwhile, Rebecca - who knows the loneliness of a post-divorce holiday - saves Ted by bringing him with her to deliver Christmas presents to underprivileged children, which would lift anyone’s spirits. While I love Keeley’s new tradition of Sexy Christmas for Adults, their plan - and their C-plot - is disrupted when Roy’s niece is left with them when her mother is called into surgery. The ending homage to Love Actually is a sweet touch, but spending the day looking for a dentist detracts from how nicely everything else dovetails.
  1. Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Yippie Kayak (3.10) Logline: Needing to purchase a last-minute gift, Jake, Charles, and Gina are trapped in a store when a group of robbers takes everyone hostage, giving Jake the chance to live out his Die Hard fantasy. Meanwhile, Amy wants to participate in a Polar Plunge with Holt and Rosa.
For the sake of this list, Die Hard is a Christmas movie, making this such an unparalleled use of the workplace nature of B99. Jake’s love of Die Hard is a recurring theme, allowing this to be meta and granular in its homage. Jake gives each criminal a German name (learning later to his disappointment they’re Canadian); Jake wants to go full tank top but can only find a “Baby Girl” tank; Boyle even paraphrases John McClane’s catchphrase at the climax: “Yippie Kayak, Other Buckets!” While a polar plunge isn’t necessarily a Christmas tradition (I associate it more with New Years), it certainly is a winter activity and doesn’t detract from the main action. This episode will blow you away!
  1. Happy Endings - Grinches Be Crazy (2.9) Logline: Max agrees to play Santa at Penny’s charity event, for the money not for the kids. Dave tries to call Alex’s bluff of giving people coupons every year by cashing in all of his coupons. Thinking it's the housekeeper’s annual holiday bonus, Jane accidentally gives her all the petty cash for her and Brad’s tropical Christmas vacation.
My only complaint about this episode is no one is bundled up nearly enough for a Chicago Christmas! I love Happy Endings so much. The episode kicks off with the gang at Rosalita’s enjoying some eggnog, an underrated combination of alcohol and dairy, as they put it. Max, perking up when he hears of the $500 payout, agrees to play Santa at the charity event Penny is organizing. Initially not channeling the Christmas spirit (or “the spirit of anyone giving the tiniest bit of effort”), Max’s heart is touched by cute kid after cute kid, eventually donating his money from the gig to charity. An incredible bit of physical comedy: diminutive Alex falling into the oversized donation box and struggling to get out in the background of a shot that features Max and Penny having a heart to heart in the foreground. Jane is relaxing into vacation mode, which for Jane means intensive organization. Unfortunately, the “vacation petty cash” envelope is identical to $200 Christmas bonus cash for their longtime housekeeper. When Jane goes to the housekeeper’s apartment to explain the error, she is serenaded by grandchildren singing Polish Christmas carols. Meanwhile, Dave implies that Alex only gives coupons because she expects no one to cash them in. This leads to Dave cashing in years’ worth at once, ending with a truly fun “indoor beach party” as promised by the coupon, which is the closest Jane and Brad will get to their Turks & Caicos planned trip when they feel too guilty to get their vacation money back.
  1. How I Met Your Mother - How Lily Stole Christmas (2.11) Logline: Lily and Ted’s fight over an old voicemail threatens to unravel everyone’s Christmas.
This has some adorable Christmas flair - the opening shots of Manhattan at Christmastime, key scenes scored to The Nutcracker, and a quest for a delayed gift. Lily is thrilled when Marshall gets her an Easy Bake Oven, her dream gift that she’d never even mentioned to him. It was Ted’s remembrance of her offhand wish for the toy years ago that leads to Lily forgiving him. The best gifts show how much you know your loved ones. Hysterically, Marshall tracks down the delivery truck and stays to help deliver all the packages on time. Forget Santa - aren’t delivery workers the real hero of the holidays? Ted has gone to celebrate the holidays with his ultra-religious cousin and her family in Staten Island, and when Lily comes to seek his forgiveness, Ted answers the door and the other three friends carol to cover the whispered apology. The ending with Marshall eating Lily’s cookie dough in reverence scored to The Nutcracker is a sweet note to end on.
  1. black-ish - Black Santa / White Santa (1.10) Logline: Dre campaigns to be the office’s first black Santa, inspiring his boss to pick a Hispanic woman to be Santa at the office Christmas party and toy drive. Meanwhile, Bow decides to take over Christmas dinner, usually the domain of her mother in law.
It’s a Christmas only Dre Johnson could bring! When the chubby white man who usually plays Santa passes away, Dre talks to his boss about thinking outside the box when selecting the next Santa. Unfortunately for Dre, his boss goes further outside the box than Dre anticipated, and selects a Latinx woman to be Santa. When Dre hears her “ho ho ho” has an off inflection, instead of just telling her, he gets her kicked out of the job. In retaliation, she “forgets” to tell him that whoever plays Santa is in charge of the toy drive, so at the event, Dre’s debut as Santa is lacking in Christmas spirit. Dre and his kids go on a shopping spree and deliver gifts to all the kids’ houses, saving Christmas, albeit after ruining it first. Meanwhile, Ruby cooks Christmas dinner every year, which everyone raves over, and this year Bow wants the praise, so she cooks her own version. Her kids think Bow’s dinner is a punishment, and Ruby swoops in to make her usual Christmas feast in three hours. Bow comes home from the office party early to help and learns Ruby’s secret: it’s a catered meal. Ruby confesses that Christmas is too much pressure, and Bow helps her replate and dirty up the kitchen, so the family will be none the wiser. (My favorite detail: the kids asking why there is gravy on the ceiling. My least favorite detail: Dre sitting down to eat dinner with his Santa beard only pulled down to his chin, not taken off.) This is a lovely holiday episode that is totally unique to the show’s premise.
  1. The Office - Secret Santa (6.13) Logline: Michael is outraged when Phyllis is allowed to be Santa for the office Christmas Party. Meanwhile, Erin has been gifted the 12 Days of Christmas by her secret Santa.
Christmas is a time for family, unless you’re in Dunder-Mifflin. This episode is seeped in Christmas spirit, from the opening with the unveiling of the underwhelming Christmas tree to the closing with the 12 drummers drumming. Michael has historically been the office Santa, and he is furious when Phyllis is granted permission to be Santa. Michael handles the news with his usual grace - first as a competitive second Santa, then repurposing the beard as a disgruntled Jesus. This was delightfully shocking - every sitcom has their Santa episode, but how many have the birthday boy himself? The episode takes a turn for the cringier when Michael learns that the company has been bought out and upper management has been let go, and he erroneously tells the team everyone is losing their jobs. This episode tackles ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’ gifting bit with an interesting twist - Andy is building up to tell Erin he has feelings for her, but as so many of the first days are birds, she recruits Andy to help figure out why her Secret Santa is torturing her. The button of him showing up with 12 drummers drumming is incredibly sweet and indelibly Christmas.
  1. Modern Family - Undeck the Halls (1.10) Logline: Phil and Clair find a cigarette burn on their couch and threaten to cancel Christmas if none of their kids confess. Mitchell inadvertently gets a mall Santa fired, and Cam invites the man over for dinner out of guilt. Gloria and Manny want to include some Colombian traditions to the Christmas celebration, to Jay’s chagrin.
When this show is firing on all cylinders, it walks the tightrope between sweet and saccharine like no other. From the cold open, there is Christmas infused in every plot line. The Dunpheys start the episode video chatting with Phil’s parents wearing itchy holiday sweaters, and they end with realizing the burn on the couch isn’t from a cigarette at all but from a snowflake ornament refracting a sunbeam at just the right angle. Mitchell complains that the mall Santa they waited so long to see is too skinny, getting the man fired, and it ends with the Santa punching out Cam’s Christmas caroling rival, declaring Cam “nice” and the nemesis “naughty.” Cam gives a speech about how sometimes you lose old traditions but have the opportunity to create new ones, moving even Jay. Practical jokes are part of Colombian Christmas tradition, and at first Jay hates anything that diverges from the Christmas he remembers, and ends with him pulling a prank on Manny and Gloria, setting up the firework show they said they missed from home. This is a perfect Christmas sitcom episode.
  1. Community - Regional Holiday Music (3.10) Logline: One by one, the study group is recruited to be part of the Glee Club’s Christmas Pageant.
WOW. I remembered loving this episode, but the way Christmas is so intrinsically woven into most of the group’s motivations for joining the Glee Club was right on pitch. We open with Jeff getting the Glee Club legally disbanded for singing copyrighted Christmas songs. The Glee Club teacher, Mr. Radison (call him Mr. Rad), played by a joyously unhinged Taran Killam, targets the study group one by one to get them onboard for the Christmas Pageant. He first plays into Abed’s desire for togetherness at the holidays. Abed next convinces Troy, a Jehovah’s Witness, that since his religion forbids him from celebrating, he should join Glee “undercover” to celebrate Christmas. Annie lures Jeff in by singing a seductive song about needing someone to teach her to understand Christmas, given that she’s Jewish, while wearing a sexy Mrs. Santa outfit. Shirley can’t resist singing when a group of public school children don’t know whose birthday the holiday celebrates. It crescendos at the Christmas Pageant, where the mania simmering under Mr. Rad’s surface comes to the fore. We end with the group watching a Christmas TV special together, plus a stinger song from many of the favorite secondary characters. This is such a perfect loving spoof of Glee while being so coated in Christmas spirit. Everything works in perfect harmony!
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2023.12.22 19:04 CatwickBosecat Top 12 Christmas Episodes!

  1. Single Parents - The Magic Box (1.10)
Logline: Angie scrambles to find a last-minute gift when the guy she’s been casually seeing surprises her with a Christmas present. Angie’s son begins to question the plausibility of Santa. Will has a complex holiday gifting system for his daughter. It’s Poppy’s first year without her son for the holidays post-divorce, so Douglas brings her to his club’s annual Christmas competition.
This has a lot of great details - Angie being sexually attracted to Santa, Miggy (an adult) still believing in Santa, Graham’s confusion about how Santa could logistically visit 800 houses per second. The most poignant moment is Will telling Angie why every year he buys his daughter incredible gifts but says they are from her mom, his ex. She lives abroad and Will explains that Sophie is growing so fast that there’s no way her mom can keep up with her changing interests. Will’s Christmas gift is seeing Sophie’s face light up thinking her mom knows her so well. This was a solid episode, but it didn’t hit the comic highs or emotionality of episodes higher on the list.
  1. Friends - The One with the Holiday Armadillo (7.10)
Logline: Ross has his son with him for the holidays this year, so he decides to teach Ben about Hanukkah. This nails the truest Hanukkah tradition - trying to get Jewish kids to think Hanukkah is anywhere near as exciting as Christmas.
Ben is half Jewish through Ross, and Ross keeps trying to pique Ben’s interest, but the ancient history of the Maccabees doesn’t hold a candle to the joy that is Santa Claus. Ross tries to teach Ben the dreidel song, Ben belts out Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer. Eventually, Ross gives up, but there are no Santa costumes available to rent, so Ross brings up a quintessential Friends seasonal tradition: the Holiday Armadillo, Santa’s half-Jewish friend. Thematically, this plot feels special, but I wish the set dec rose to the same level. There’s not much by way of Hanukkah or Christmas decorations, although the shot of the gang - Ben and the Holiday Armadillo included - lighting the menorah through the window was lovely. However, the Phoebe/Rachel/Joey plot is completely unrelated to Ross’s situation or the holidays, bringing down the over holiday-ness of the episode.
  1. 30 Rock - Secret Santa (2.9)
Logline: Jack and Liz decide to exchange Christmas gifts that don’t cost money. Jenna never contributes to the Christmas bonus the cast and crew give to the cleaning ladies, so Pete punishes her by making her annual Christmas solo a duet. Toofer, Lutz, and Frank don’t want to participate in Kenneth’s Secret Santa Fun Swap, so they make up a new religion.
This is such a solid Christmas episode - it’s infused in every plotline. Jack is fantastic at gift-giving - what isn’t the man gifted at - so he challenges himself by making his Christmas gift exchange with Liz only free gifts. They can’t spend any money. Liz’s zero-dollars gift is calling in a bomb threat to Penn Station so Jack’s crush can’t make her train. Jack’s gift to Liz is a memento from Liz’s gender-bent high school production of The Crucible. These two are chaotic and it couldn’t be funnier. On the TGS front, Pete is bitter that every year Jenna declines to contribute to the Christmas bonus for the cleaning ladies. She knows that it’s signed “from the cast and crew,” so she’ll get credit. (It’s a weird point - I feel like Jenna simply wouldn’t care what support staff thinks about her.) When Pete realizes new cast member Danny has a great voice, he makes Jenna’s Christmas episode solo a duet. In the end, Jenna heartbreakingly tells Danny that her childhood Christmases were all bad, but the one bright spot was getting to sing in public. During the live show, Danny intentionally sings off key so Jenna has her moment to shine. It’s a very sweet moment, undercut with the comedy of Pete’s offstage (off-screen?) disappointment. At the office, Kenneth has an annual Secret Santa Fun Swap made onerous by a convoluted set of rules. To get out of participating, Toofer, Lutz, and Frank claim to be practicing members of Verdukianism, prohibiting them from celebrating Christmas. When Kenneth learns they were making it up, he starts to lose his own faith - he’d never realized religion could be made up. Ultimately the three are arrested at the end of the episode - Liz called in the bomb threat on their phone under their name - and Kenneth sees it as divine retribution, restoring his faith. If so much of the episode wasn’t dedicated to Jack reuniting with his high school crush - which doesn’t really relate to the holiday - this could be a top five episode.
  1. Fresh Off the Boat - The Real Santa (2.10)
Logline: Jessica tries to “fix” Santa for her son Evan, claiming Santa has advanced degrees and adding more complex layers to the lie. Meanwhile, Eddie helps Emery figure out a last minute present for their mom.
This is a charming if untraditional homage to Christmas! I loved Jessica’s model village and how it was used for scene transitions. Jessica wants to make Santa a more aspirational figure for Evan, which starts by making Santa a scientist (meaning whoever plays Santa at Cattleman’s Ranch will have to answer complex math questions) and ends with Evan meeting “Laoban” (or “Boss”) Santa, a Chinese woman with multiple degrees and a LeBaron she leases, as its better for her taxes. She makes a pretty compelling point - who else would be thoughtful and organized enough to keep a detailed list of what every child wants but a woman? Who else could figure out the complex science behind a flying sleigh, yet be slight enough to fit down a chimney? To quote Evan, that dude Chinese. Meanwhile, Emery had lovingly handcrafted the last missing piece to Jessica’s model village, but Honey gives her the exact piece. Eddie’s advice is to let the situation work itself out, seeing the pro in procrastination. First he suggests Emery calligraph a poem Eddie wrote, but it turns out to be plagiarized from Tupac. In the end, Honey’s figurine is accidentally smashed, and Emery’s backup homemade piece saves the Christmas village. This episode is unabashedly about Christmas - literally rewriting Santa’s origin story and debating thoughtful vs novelty gifts, albeit not a traditional Christmas.
  1. Ted Lasso - Carol of the Bells (2.4)
Logline: Rebecca brings Ted, in his first post-divorce holiday, along on her special Christmas tradition. Higgins hosts all foreign football players who can’t celebrate at home for Christmas dinner with his family. Keeley and Roy’s Sexy Christmas plans are put on hold when Phoebe has to spend the day with them.
Man, I miss filler episodes of comedies! The spirit of Ted Lasso fits naturally into the Christmas spirit. Higgins opens his home to players every year, but never gets more than two. This year - likely due to the team spirit Ted worked so hard to cultivate - they get nearly everyone, with international players bringing something from their home countries. The slow pull back to reveal they’ve expanded the kitchen table by using the pool table and the surfboard Higgins’ son unwrapped earlier is just perfect. Meanwhile, Rebecca - who knows the loneliness of a post-divorce holiday - saves Ted by bringing him with her to deliver Christmas presents to underprivileged children, which would lift anyone’s spirits. While I love Keeley’s new tradition of Sexy Christmas for Adults, their plan - and their C-plot - is disrupted when Roy’s niece is left with them when her mother is called into surgery. The ending homage to Love Actually is a sweet touch, but spending the day looking for a dentist detracts from how nicely everything else dovetails.
  1. Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Yippie Kayak (3.10)
Logline: Needing to purchase a last-minute gift, Jake, Charles, and Gina are trapped in a store when a group of robbers takes everyone hostage, giving Jake the chance to live out his Die Hard fantasy. Meanwhile, Amy wants to participate in a Polar Plunge with Holt and Rosa.
For the sake of this list, Die Hard is a Christmas movie, making this such an unparalleled use of the workplace nature of B99. Jake’s love of Die Hard is a recurring theme, allowing this to be meta and granular in its homage. Jake gives each criminal a German name (learning later to his disappointment they’re Canadian); Jake wants to go full tank top but can only find a “Baby Girl” tank; Boyle even paraphrases John McClane’s catchphrase at the climax: “Yippie Kayak, Other Buckets!” While a polar plunge isn’t necessarily a Christmas tradition (I associate it more with New Years), it certainly is a winter activity and doesn’t detract from the main action. This episode will blow you away!
  1. Happy Endings - Grinches Be Crazy (2.9)
Logline: Max agrees to play Santa at Penny’s charity event, for the money not for the kids. Dave tries to call Alex’s bluff of giving people coupons every year by cashing in all of his coupons. Thinking it's the housekeeper’s annual holiday bonus, Jane accidentally gives her all the petty cash for her and Brad’s tropical Christmas vacation.
My only complaint about this episode is no one is bundled up nearly enough for a Chicago Christmas! I love Happy Endings so much. The episode kicks off with the gang at Rosalita’s enjoying some eggnog, an underrated combination of alcohol and dairy, as they put it. Max, perking up when he hears of the $500 payout, agrees to play Santa at the charity event Penny is organizing. Initially not channeling the Christmas spirit (or “the spirit of anyone giving the tiniest bit of effort”), Max’s heart is touched by cute kid after cute kid, eventually donating his money from the gig to charity. An incredible bit of physical comedy: diminutive Alex falling into the oversized donation box and struggling to get out in the background of a shot that features Max and Penny having a heart to heart in the foreground. Jane is relaxing into vacation mode, which for Jane means intensive organization. Unfortunately, the “vacation petty cash” envelope is identical to $200 Christmas bonus cash for their longtime housekeeper. When Jane goes to the housekeeper’s apartment to explain the error, she is serenaded by grandchildren singing Polish Christmas carols. Meanwhile, Dave implies that Alex only gives coupons because she expects no one to cash them in. This leads to Dave cashing in years’ worth at once, ending with a truly fun “indoor beach party” as promised by the coupon, which is the closest Jane and Brad will get to their Turks & Caicos planned trip when they feel too guilty to get their vacation money back.
  1. How I Met Your Mother - How Lily Stole Christmas (2.11)
Logline: Lily and Ted’s fight over an old voicemail threatens to unravel everyone’s Christmas.
This has some adorable Christmas flair - the opening shots of Manhattan at Christmastime, key scenes scored to The Nutcracker, and a quest for a delayed gift. Lily is thrilled when Marshall gets her an Easy Bake Oven, her dream gift that she’d never even mentioned to him. It was Ted’s remembrance of her offhand wish for the toy years ago that leads to Lily forgiving him. The best gifts show how much you know your loved ones. Hysterically, Marshall tracks down the delivery truck and stays to help deliver all the packages on time. Forget Santa - aren’t delivery workers the real hero of the holidays? Ted has gone to celebrate the holidays with his ultra-religious cousin and her family in Staten Island, and when Lily comes to seek his forgiveness, Ted answers the door and the other three friends carol to cover the whispered apology. The ending with Marshall eating Lily’s cookie dough in reverence scored to The Nutcracker is a sweet note to end on.
  1. black-ish - Black Santa / White Santa (1.10)
Logline: Dre campaigns to be the office’s first black Santa, inspiring his boss to pick a Hispanic woman to be Santa at the office Christmas party and toy drive. Meanwhile, Bow decides to take over Christmas dinner, usually the domain of her mother in law.
It’s a Christmas only Dre Johnson could bring! When the chubby white man who usually plays Santa passes away, Dre talks to his boss about thinking outside the box when selecting the next Santa. Unfortunately for Dre, his boss goes further outside the box than Dre anticipated, and selects a Latinx woman to be Santa. When Dre hears her “ho ho ho” has an off inflection, instead of just telling her, he gets her kicked out of the job. In retaliation, she “forgets” to tell him that whoever plays Santa is in charge of the toy drive, so at the event, Dre’s debut as Santa is lacking in Christmas spirit. Dre and his kids go on a shopping spree and deliver gifts to all the kids’ houses, saving Christmas, albeit after ruining it first. Meanwhile, Ruby cooks Christmas dinner every year, which everyone raves over, and this year Bow wants the praise, so she cooks her own version. Her kids think Bow’s dinner is a punishment, and Ruby swoops in to make her usual Christmas feast in three hours. Bow comes home from the office party early to help and learns Ruby’s secret: it’s a catered meal. Ruby confesses that Christmas is too much pressure, and Bow helps her replate and dirty up the kitchen, so the family will be none the wiser. (My favorite detail: the kids asking why there is gravy on the ceiling. My least favorite detail: Dre sitting down to eat dinner with his Santa beard only pulled down to his chin, not taken off.) This is a lovely holiday episode that is totally unique to the show’s premise.
  1. The Office - Secret Santa (6.13)
Logline: Michael is outraged when Phyllis is allowed to be Santa for the office Christmas Party. Meanwhile, Erin has been gifted the 12 Days of Christmas by her secret Santa.
Christmas is a time for family, unless you’re in Dunder-Mifflin. This episode is seeped in Christmas spirit, from the opening with the unveiling of the underwhelming Christmas tree to the closing with the 12 drummers drumming. Michael has historically been the office Santa, and he is furious when Phyllis is granted permission to be Santa. Michael handles the news with his usual grace - first as a competitive second Santa, then repurposing the beard as a disgruntled Jesus. This was delightfully shocking - every sitcom has their Santa episode, but how many have the birthday boy himself? The episode takes a turn for the cringier when Michael learns that the company has been bought out and upper management has been let go, and he erroneously tells the team everyone is losing their jobs. This episode tackles ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’ gifting bit with an interesting twist - Andy is building up to tell Erin he has feelings for her, but as so many of the first days are birds, she recruits Andy to help figure out why her Secret Santa is torturing her. The button of him showing up with 12 drummers drumming is incredibly sweet and indelibly Christmas.
  1. Modern Family - Undeck the Halls (1.10)
Logline: Phil and Clair find a cigarette burn on their couch and threaten to cancel Christmas if none of their kids confess. Mitchell inadvertently gets a mall Santa fired, and Cam invites the man over for dinner out of guilt. Gloria and Manny want to include some Colombian traditions to the Christmas celebration, to Jay’s chagrin.
When this show is firing on all cylinders, it walks the tightrope between sweet and saccharine like no other. From the cold open, there is Christmas infused in every plot line. The Dunpheys start the episode video chatting with Phil’s parents wearing itchy holiday sweaters, and they end with realizing the burn on the couch isn’t from a cigarette at all but from a snowflake ornament refracting a sunbeam at just the right angle. Mitchell complains that the mall Santa they waited so long to see is too skinny, getting the man fired, and it ends with the Santa punching out Cam’s Christmas caroling rival, declaring Cam “nice” and the nemesis “naughty.” Cam gives a speech about how sometimes you lose old traditions but have the opportunity to create new ones, moving even Jay. Practical jokes are part of Colombian Christmas tradition, and at first Jay hates anything that diverges from the Christmas he remembers, and ends with him pulling a prank on Manny and Gloria, setting up the firework show they said they missed from home. This is a perfect Christmas sitcom episode.
  1. Community - Regional Holiday Music (3.10)
Logline: One by one, the study group is recruited to be part of the Glee Club’s Christmas Pageant.
WOW. I remembered loving this episode, but the way Christmas is so intrinsically woven into most of the group’s motivations for joining the Glee Club was right on pitch. We open with Jeff getting the Glee Club legally disbanded for singing copyrighted Christmas songs. The Glee Club teacher, Mr. Radison (call him Mr. Rad), played by a joyously unhinged Taran Killam, targets the study group one by one to get them onboard for the Christmas Pageant. He first plays into Abed’s desire for togetherness at the holidays. Abed next convinces Troy, a Jehovah’s Witness, that since his religion forbids him from celebrating, he should join Glee “undercover” to celebrate Christmas. Annie lures Jeff in by singing a seductive song about needing someone to teach her to understand Christmas, given that she’s Jewish, while wearing a sexy Mrs. Santa outfit. Shirley can’t resist singing when a group of public school children don’t know whose birthday the holiday celebrates. It crescendos at the Christmas Pageant, where the mania simmering under Mr. Rad’s surface comes to the fore. We end with the group watching a Christmas TV special together, plus a stinger song from many of the favorite secondary characters. This is such a perfect loving spoof of Glee while being so coated in Christmas spirit. Everything works in perfect harmony!
Honorable mentions and more here!

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2023.12.16 03:49 Callingyououthoe Is she two faced? Or did we exaggerate?

Hello everyone, so lately, my close friend and I ended our friendship with a friend that was acting a little shady and petty. We'll call this former friend "cassy." She has been drifting away from us for a while, especially from me. Over the past few months, I've been attempting to get in touch with her to see how she's doing, but she never answers the phone and instead texts me hours later to ask me "what's up." Usually, I would try to arrange for us to go for a walk in the park or whatever just to catch up for a little while, but she would always come up with an excuse. like is "I'm shopping, I'm couponing, I'm out right now, ect ext.I would normally just tell her that's fine and give her the benefit of the doubt because obviously different people live different lives, but it kept happening over and over until I just let her be and do her thing. However, recently I uncovered that she was attempting to schedule a hangout with another close friend of mine, so I figured maybe she had some free time this month. I called her, and she didn't answer as usual, so I decided to just confront her about why she's been aloof. She replied that she was embarrassed to be outside and that she was experiencing social anxiety. She claimed that this was the reason she hadn't been attempting to hang out. I knew she was lying because, before that, she had been out shopping and posting pictures of herself on her story while engaging in outdoor activities. I didn't respond to her message because I didn't know how to take on the feeling that she was essentially lying to me and making excuses. Later that day, I texted a friend to ask about how Cassy had been acting around her. She replied that everything was fine and that they would text and talk once a week or so. This made me even more confused as to why she was trying to pull this weird prank on me, so my friend decided to text her about it and attempt to squash the speculation. My friend is trying to explain away the situation by claiming that she recently ran into a guy she had previously spoken to at the gas station who told her that my friend and her were chatting on Snapchat. My friend obviously asked Cassy for proof, to which Cassy replied that she no longer spoke to him. This is how we discovered that she never had an issue with me to be with. To be clear, she had previously mentioned this guy to us before a long time ago and told us about how much he had depressed her. So why would my buddy want to talk to or be around a guy who would do the same to her? When my friend inquired about how long she had known about that, she replied that it had been about several months. This infuriated my friend because, ever since we became friends, my friend had informed Cassie that, should she ever feel tension between them, they could always break up. Other friends asked Cassie why she was coming over to her house if she was having issues with her, to which Cassie replied that she didn't need this and blocked us!! Is she hypocritical for still being friends with her and being petty with me without any justification, or did we exaggerate?
The situation might be all over the place and that’s because it actually is me and my friend are both confused on why she took herself out like this it literally makes no sense like why could she just be straight up and truthful???
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2023.12.08 13:28 Syndrux Bingo card!

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2023.12.08 00:05 CatWatt FREEBIE: 100+ of the Best Elf on a Shelf Activities, Coloring Pages, Printables, Make Your Own Elf, more!

FREEBIE: 100+ of the Best Elf on a Shelf Activities, Coloring Pages, Printables, Make Your Own Elf, more!

Elf on the Shelf
Year after year, children and adults alike are baffled by the mystery of how Santa really knows who has been naughty or nice.
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At the start of each Christmas season, the elf appears to serve as Santa's eyes and ears, traveling back to the North Pole each and every night to make a detailed report of the day’s activities.
This keepsake gift set includes a North Pole pixie scout elf and a hardbound watercolor picture book. Children can register their elf online to receive an official adoption certificate and a special letter from Santa.
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2023.10.29 02:19 papai_macaco For your dog living in a stressful city.

For your dog living in a stressful city. submitted by papai_macaco to rickygervais [link] [comments]


2023.09.30 22:36 K47H3R1N3 Trying to write hypothetical Hawaiian Sujidex entries + some substory ones

One of my favorite parts of Like a Dragon was the amazing enemy variety and the extremely colorful Sujidex entries each of them got. And with Infinite Wealth just four months away, I thought it would be a nice writing exercise to speculate on what kinds of Sujimon await Ichiban and his party in Honolulu City, along with a few substory characters and archetypes I'd want to see returning. So I did exactly that. Enjoy my attempts at replicating the Sujidex's writing style:
Category: Surfer
Surfin' Turd A beginner surfer with a mean streak. Mostly just there to pick up girls. Not very good at that, either.
Wave Wrangler An experienced surfer paranoid of people dropping in on his wave. Will pick a fight with anyone he thinks might do so.
Broseidon Has won dozens of surfing competitons. Possesses an impossibly toned body. No one's ever seen him leave the beach.
Category: Courtroom
Injuring Lawyer Assaults passerby for fun. Uses his extensive knowledge of legal loopholes to get out of any lawsuits.
Baleful Bailiff Former bailiff, fired for strangling a witness. Copes with his loss of employment by causing random havoc on the street.
Distraught Attorney Jaded prosecutor who's lost his faith in the judiciary system. Has taken to enact vigilante justice against any ne'er-do-wells.
Clouded Judge A veteran judge who dresses like he's from two centuries ago. Claims to be able to detect criminals with a single look.
Category: Businesswoman
Independenter A businesswoman who recently underwent a self-defense class. Seeks to test out her skills whenever possible.
Miss Fortunate Victim of a highly-successful pyramid scheme. Employs an extremely aggressive sell in hopes of finally making a profit.
Penny Pincher Middle manager of a highly-successful pyramid scheme. Rules over her chunk of the business with an iron fist.
Mean Green Queen CEO of a highly-successful pyramid scheme. With an army of lawyers hundreds strong, she's free to do whatever she wants.
Category: Doomsday Prepper
Deluded Looter Breaks into stores and steals whatever he can carry. Has completely convinced himself the apocalypse is coming.
Egoterrorist A centenarian on a crusade against modern technology. Willing to destroy anything in his way, whether property or people.
Last Man On Earth Believes he's the sole survivor of a zombie apocalypse. Remorselessly attacks anyone he sees, thinking they're undead hordes.
Category: Shopper
Haggling Hag Uses a coupon card for every purchase she makes. Whenever she runs out, she just steals someone else's.
Bothered Mother Her son just informed her she'd bought the wrong game. Completely frenzied, and ready to lash out.
SUVillain A wandering moral guardian, looking to complain about anything that might be "corrupting" the youth of today.
Black Friday Betty A delirious woman suffering from short-term memory loss. Believes every day to be Black Friday.
Category: Addict
Cracked-Out Nutjob An addict who's always looking for his next fix. Possibly rabid. Definitely dangerous.
Trailer Thrasher Supplier who got hooked on his own supply. Wanders the city, looking to rob any competitors.
Narcoticking Time Bomb On a mission to ingest every illegal drug on the planet. His anomalous brain chemistry has made him unpredictable.
Category: Prankster
Harassailant A local inconvenience who loves hurling obscenities at passerby. Usually doesn't take it any further than that.
Discontent Creator An up-and-coming internet prankster, eager to put himself out there. Most of his pranks end in some form of bodily harm.
Badged Badgerer Joined the force via nepotism. Agitates people on the job, and sells the resulting bodycam footage on the black market.
Re-Nuisance Man Extremely popular internet prankster who's been arrested several times. Prison taught him all sorts of things about psychology.
Category: Housekeeper
Voyaging Maid A novice housekeeper looking to make a quick buck. Fired frequently, on account of her kleptomania.
Garden Guardian Employed by rich homeowners to mow their lawns and trim their hedges. Despises having her work interrupted.
Maid of Iron The personal maid of an infamous criminal. Doubles as a bodyguard, assassin, and whatever else a crime boss needs.
Category: Fanboy
Pop Cultist Up to date with all the newest releases. Determined to bombard everyone with celebrity gossip, willing or otherwise.
Offshore Otaku A man obsessed with all things japanese. Highly protective of his rare merchandise collection.
Parasocialite Deranged Tatara Hisoka superfan. Dedicates his life to exterminating anyone and anything she talks smack about.
Category: Hunter
Entomolo-Git Travelled to Hawaii in search of rare insects. Prepared to throw down with anyone who might scare them off.
Gathering Hunter A wilderness survivalist living off the fat of the land. Prone to get violent towards anyone he percieves as a threat.
One-Tracker Illegally hunts animals for sport. When he gets his eye on something, nothing can stop him from getting the job done.
The Endangerer A legendary trophy hunter. Responsible for several extinctions. Cursed by enviromentalists everywhere.
Category: Substory
Mack Shinozuka Photographer looking for the perfect shot. Got into a fight with Kasuga after mistaking him for someone he owes, big time.
Sosuke Komaki Current head of the Komaki Dojo. Took a training trip to Hawaii to hone his fighting spirit.
Double Dragonfish Leader of a group of scammers impersonating the party. Has previous experience with masquerading as yakuza.
Hoodwink Hobo Part of a group of scammers impersonating the party. Being a surgeon by day, he's actually their richest member.
Copying Cop Part of a group of scammers impersonating the party. Works as a burglar on the side.
Bullshitting Barmaid Part of a group of scammers impersonating the party. Her earnings go to funding her boyfriend's frivolous lifestyle.
Hope y'all enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it!
submitted by K47H3R1N3 to yakuzagames [link] [comments]


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