Symptoms runny nose itching painful eyes cough sneezing

tl:dr I think I have MS and I haven’t asked my doctor about it because he redirects me and thinks a lot of my symptoms have to do with trauma and wants me to work on therapy. I have previously passed the neurological test in office that they do, so they aren’t even considering a more thorough exam. How did you get diagnosed?
I have really been having a rough couple years. The past six months have been severely out of control. I have been in the hospital nearly 20 times since January of this year. Not to mention about 15 times in Urgent Care.
I have this crushing feeling in the middle of my chest. It never goes away. It burns, constricts, squeezes, pain, and unbearable pressure sometimes. Have had all the work up and my heart is fine besides super mild valve regurgitation. I have GERD but GI can’t find anything. I just learned of the “ms hug” and it sounds exactly like what I am feeling.
Numbness and tingling in hands, feet, thighs, weird vision abnormalities, unsteady, loss of balance and falling, tremors, painful eye movements, muscles contracting or spasming waking me out of my sleep and it is so painful. Then the memory issues, scaring me the most. I can’t find words, stop mid sentence and completely forget what was being talked about, literally too much work to remember stuff so I give up.
The real cherry on top for me that makes me convinced is I had an MRI of the spine due to intense back and shoulder pain and I have hemangioma tumors all down my thoracic spinal column. MS apparently is known to do this.
I have not brought up my concerns of MS yet. Recently diagnosed with POTS. My doctor thinks a lot of my issues have to do with trauma and wants me to try IFS. I have a lot of mental health issues like BPD, cPTSD, ADHD, and agree I need therapy but I don’t want to wait if it could be MS.

Now that I discovered this community I am pretty confident what is happening to me is all tied back to this lovely little jaw muscle. I see my GP Monday 8am . Hoping for any advice - better details - corrections on my wrong assumptions or statements and ultimately a little reassurance and validation from yall , That what is happening to me right now is all connected and I am not crazy.
10 months ago I had my last 2 upper molars pulled the "ol fashioned" way with the wiggling and the tugging and the ripping and the "Okay now you're going to feel a bit of pressure" followed by the feeling that your jaw is in fact being ripped out of your mouth.
Things started mild 6 months ago intensified around the 3 month mark and now these last 3 weeks I can barely function. I feel the definition of "Malaise" hits perfect. I'm afraid to leave my house the head pain / brain fog has me feeling like I could blackout any second, And the whoosh / vertigo / world spins has me terrified of driving.
So here is what I'm feeling in order of how they hit , everything is on the left side if that matters
Shoulder Blade - Everything is felt along the bottom of the blade.
Jolt of fire and burning on the skin -- A tearing and ripping under the skin on the muscle - Starts to vibrate a tingling fire sensation outward in a semi circle
When I put my tens unit on there the flexing caused pain on the top of shoulder and collarbone.
Always strongest when I lift or carry, random bursts when I'm sitting doing nothing and now even the weight of my phone sends it to 11
Muscles Weakness and Tremors
When the blade pain is bad, I can barely grip anything with my hand, Hands tremble and different arm muscles randomly will twitch and flex.
My jaw is now (2 weeks) shivering / chittering (IDK wtf it is) as if im cold. Digging my fingers into the facial knots will stop it. Always hits when I first get out of bed, then a few times during the day no pattern in the trigger
Eyes/Ears
Couldn't keep my contacts in more than half day , left only felt cloudy hazy blurry - They are brand new lenses and Ive been use the good "eye juice" with no changes. Tried yesterday had to take em out within an hour.
Sharp twinge zap inside the ear - cold trickling sensation down the canal - ends with a punch of pain behind ear on the thick neck tendon
The Whoosh (Is this brain fog? Something else?) Zap / Jolt of electricity on top of my brain but under my skull - The whoosh when i see everything spin a 360 for a second - And ends with me "off kilter' for minutes to hours, As if there is a delay between what my eye sees to when my brain processes. During the spell ill feel "wonky" "Out of body" "tunnelly vision"
The Exploding Head
Its a constant feeling / sensation that my head is filling with sludge.
Forehead & eye have waves of intense dull aches, This part is killing so bad right now, even with NSAIDS it never stops having pressure just relieves it slightly. When it kicks hard and throbs my eyes go really fuzzy and that im going to blackout feeling hits. I have not actually passed or blacked out thank god - my cats would eat me alive in a day -
Jaw/ cheek & gums are twitchy with tightness/fullness and pointy pain shockwaves. The M in the TMJ is a ball of rubberbands and it is so very tender. My face does not appear to have anything swelling outwards from here but poking around in there i find tons of lumps I can break up.. Opening and closing i have full range I think and right now no popping or pains when i do. The area by my ear where the bones connect is so tender, but I dont feel lumps much here. I feel such relief when I hit here with my point tool.
Side of my Neck has small mushy lumps just under the skin and some big daddies deeper in and these ones get stabbyy pains that pulse with my heart.
Back of my neck the bottom half is gravel I can break up pretty easy but I think 3 more come back in their place.
Base of skull I have golf balls burried deep,. They dont throb but when I rub them it is painful but in the best way because I feel such release everywhere else but then they hurt for days. When I rub them to hard and deep oh man sore for days.
All this ends at my upper back and this area is awful. It burns on the surface level 24/7. Icy hot tricks my brain for about and hour. I did some scraping massage here and it sounded like rice krispies and I think hese are adhesions vs knots. .Deeper is full of thick knots, I have the trigger point hook to dig in there and sometimes magic happens and the ache everywhere else gets better for a bit.
The floating bone
It was mild discomfort, odd feelings of tightness inside my actual throat, tingles and a dry feel. It started wiggling around on its own pretty often and when I felt that first water balloon pop inside yikes I was scared AF. Now it just moves whenever it wants. I barely touch it and it "shoots" to the other side. Massaging in here hurts so GOOD! Looking all the way up and feeling from chin towards throat I have many bumps all different sizes. And lastly when I move my head certain ways it feels as if there is a leak happening and almost mucus-y like I could cough but usually dont need to
If you are still with me many apologies this got longer than I thought it would. Today has been my worst day so far, all the pains I mentioned are now hitting at once. Today I was sitting here sobbing in pain it because I was at 13 / 10 and wouldn't ease no matter what I pressed on . 3 Naproxen with 3 ibuprofen gives me about 3 hours of refief right now. I know posture is a part of my pain levels and ive aready ordered some tools so I can correct.

Hey there!! I’m new to the community and joined because I think I may have Chairi. For context I (20 F) have hEDS and got an upright MRI for neck pain that I have been having. The report said that I have slightly low lying tonsils (attached my impressions) in addition to mild cervical instability.
I haven’t been able to get access to see the images myself but due to many of my symptoms matching Chiari I am wondering if I could have it even if they are just “slightly low lying”
The symptoms I have are trouble speaking (tongue tied), balence issues/poor proprioception, neck pain, headaches (especially on the back of the skull and between my eyes and behind my ears)
I am going to see a neurologist on Tuesday. I was wondering if anyone had questions that would be helpful to ask the doctor. Thanks!!

"You gotta know that there's an art to it, Ezra," Hitch said, cutting another piece of duct tape.
The sleeves of his weather-beaten coat were shoved all the way up his arms, to stop the fabric from falling over his knuckles while he was working, and goosebumps lined his skin. He was strapping a rubber chicken to the back of his truck, over the lens of the shattered backup camera, with the legs pointing down so that they hung a couple inches above the ground. There were dents in the hood from the crash last week, and scratches along the door from scraping into a curb. The chicken, hopefully, would keep him from breaking anything else.
"You can't go cheap," Hitch said. "The cheap rubber chickens only make noise when pressure lets go. That's no good. As soon as I back up into something, I want this chicken to be screaming like it’s in the depths of hell."
“Sure thing,” I said in a monotone, leaning against the side of the truck.
There were scrambled electronic parts piled in the back of the truck, the innards of a radio, a broken computer, tangled wires, a couple loose pairs of earbuds. He found the parts in alleyways or bummed them off his friends for a couple bucks or stole them from the vacation homes that were left empty for most of the year. Then he sold them for a profit at the scrapyard. Hitch had bounced between minimum-wage jobs for a while after high school, spending a couple months as a bagger at the grocery store or as a seasonal worker at the farm two hours down the highway. He'd never stuck with it. At the very least, the scrapyard got him enough money to eat and occasionally spend a night in a motel when he got tired of sleeping in his car.
Hitch pressed the last piece of tape in place and grinned up at me. "I've got something for you, duck."
The nickname came from when I’d broken my leg as a child and waddled around in a cast until it was healed. I hated it with a burning passion, and I glared at Hitch with the ease of twenty-one years of practice. He had a duck tattoo at the base of his thumb that he’d gotten in a back-alley shop as a teenager. He said that he’d gotten it to remind him of me, and the fact that I hated the nickname was just a bonus. It was shaky-lined, with an uneven face, but he loved it anyway.
The handle stuck when Hitch tried to open the door, a consequence of the rust collecting in the crevices of the car and running down the sides like blood from a cut. The car groaned when the door finally popped open, a metal against metal screech that had me flinching away. Hitch dug through the cluttered fast food containers in the passenger-side footwell, eventually coming up with a crinkly paper bag. He waved away the flies buzzing around the opening of the bag and held it out to me.
The last time Hitch had brought me food, I’d gotten food poisoning because he’d left it out in the midday sun for two days. The donut was squished slightly, and the icing was stuck to the bag. I still ate it, grimacing at the harsh citrus flavor. Taking Hitch’s food was an instinct engraved from the days when Dad had given us a can of kidney beans for dinner and Hitch had drank the juice, leaving the beans for me.
I rarely went hungry anymore, three mostly square meals a day and granola in my pockets just in case, but habits didn’t die easy.
These days, Hitch only brought me food when he wanted my help, like when he saw a place he wanted to hit but was worried about doing it alone.
I got in the car, like I always did.
We drove past the cluster of seafood-themed restaurants with chipped paint decks, the beachfront park where there were always shifty-eyed men sitting under the slide, the single room library where all the books had been water damaged in the flood last year. The change was quick as we drove across Main Street, heading closer to the beach. The roads were freshly paved, the concrete a smooth black except where the sun had already started to pick away at it. The three-story homes lining the sides of the street were crouched on elegant stilts, with space underneath for a car or three. Most of the garages were empty, with the lights off and curtains drawn in the house. Come summer, the streets would be swarming with tourists and vacationers, but until then, most of the buildings nearest to the beach were unoccupied.
Hitch stopped as the sun started to go down at a house that was leaning precariously out towards the beach, tilted ever so slightly, the edge of its foundation buried in the shifting sand of the beach. It certainly looked deserted, with an overgrown yard and blue paint peeling off the door in sheets.
Hitch took his hammer out of the backseat, hoisting it over his shoulder. It was two feet of solid metal with rags wrapped around the head to muffle the sound of the hits. Hitch squared up, bending his knees and holding the hammer like a baseball bat. Before he could swing, though, the door creaked open on its own, the hinges squeaking. The house beyond was dark enough that I could only make out general shapes, glimpsing the curve of a sofa to the left, what was maybe the shimmer of a chandelier on the other side.
Hitch lowered his hammer, looking vaguely disappointed that he didn’t get to use it. “That’s…weird as hell.”
“Maybe the deadbolt broke, maybe they forgot to lock it, it doesn’t matter,” I hissed, checking our surroundings for other people again. “Just hurry up and get inside before someone calls the cops.”
Hitch flicked the lightswitch on the wall, and the lights flickered on. They were dim, buzzing audibly and blinking off occasionally. The walls were plastered with contrasting swatches of wallpaper and splattered with random colors. There was neon orange behind the dining table, a galaxy swirl in the kitchen, and on the ceiling there was a repeating floral pattern covered in nametag stickers. Each of the stickers was filled out with The Erlking. Chandeliers hung in every room, three or four for each, and rubber ducks sat on every table. A miniature carousel sat in the corner along with a towering model rocket.
Sand was heaped on every surface, at least a couple inches everywhere. It was piled in the corners and stuck to the walls, and it covered the floor in a thick blanket. Our hesitant steps into the house left footprints clearly outlined in the sand.
Hitch took a cursory look around and headed immediately for the TV mounted on the wall. “Look out the windows and tell me if anyone is coming.”
I shook the sand out of the blinds and pulled them open, then had to brush sand off of the window before I could see anything.
Hitch was quick, practiced at finding and appropriating the things that were worth taking. He came back to me with an armful of electronics and chandeliers, dumping it at my feet before turning to head deeper into the house again.
There was a thump, somewhere upstairs, and then footsteps, slow and deliberate. Hitch froze at the threshold of the room, then ran for the door with me just ahead of him, sand flying out from under our feet.
My hand was almost brushing the doorknob, close enough that I could see the light from the streetlamp outside streaming in through the cracks in the door. My fingers touched the wood and it gave under my touch, becoming malleable and warm. I yelped, stumbling backwards, and the door started to melt. The paint ran down in thick drops, pooling at the bottom of the door, and the wood warped like metal being welded. The soft edges of the door ran into the walls until there was no sign of an exit ever being there.
“Well, well, well,” said a cultured voice with just an edge of snooty elitism. “What do we have here?”
The man was well over eight feet tall, with long black hair covering his eyes. He was wearing a yellow raincoat with holes cut out of the hood to accommodate the deer antlers jutting upwards from his head. There was sand settled on his shoulders and hovering around his head like a halo.
“Who the fuck are you?” Hitch said, inching towards a window.
He smiled, just a little bit, and his teeth shone in the dim light. “I am the Erlking.”
Hitch nodded, and seemed about to respond. I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him towards the window. I could feel sand in the wind roaring against my back as the Erlking growled in anger, the grains scraping harshly against my cheeks.
We were almost to the window when Hitch was ripped away from me, and I came to a startled halt. The sand had formed long grasping arms that pressed Hitch against the floral wallpaper. His wrists were held tight, and as I watched, a sandy hand wrapped around his mouth and forced its way between his teeth. He gagged, and sand trickled out of the corners of his mouth.
The Erlking strolled towards him, not seeming to be in any sort of rush. “You know, I’m not very fond of your yapping.”
He made an idle gesture and the sand wrapped around my ankles, tethering me in place.
“I yap all the time,” Hitch said. “Three-time olympic yapper, that’s me. Best to just let me go now and save yourself some trouble.”
The Erlking tapped a manicured nail against Hitch’s mouth, hard enough to hurt, judging by the way he flinched away. “But why would I ever let you go when I’ve gone to this much trouble to catch you and your sister? It’s so hard, these days, to find people that no one will miss.”
Hitch struggled against the sand, trying to escape and failing. “What do you want with us, then? You just said it, we’re nobody.”
“I’m fae, dear one,” the Erlking said. “I get my power from my followers. And I think that you two will make lovely additions to my flock.”

He flicked Hitch's nose and Hitch gasped. Feathers started to form on his arms, popping out from under his skin in a spray of blood.
Hitch pushed off the wall, using his bound hands as a fulcrum, and his knees crashed into the Erlking’s stomach. The Erlking fell backwards, wheezing, and the sand around my ankles loosened.
Hitch made desperate eye contact with me as feathers shot up his neck and jerked his head towards the window. The message was obvious. Run.
The last thing I saw before crashing out the window and into freedom was Hitch’s body twisting, his arms wrenching into wings and feathers covering every inch of his skin. By the time I landed on the concrete outside, he was a small black bird, held tightly in the Erlking’s hands. The whole building was sinking into the ground, burnished-gold sand piling up over top and streaming from the windows.
Thirty years later, I saw Sam’s Supernatural Consultation and Neutralization written in neat, looping handwriting on a piece of paper taped to the door. The tape was peeling at the corners and the paper was yellowed with age, but there was obviously care put into the sign, in its perfectly centered text and looping floral designs drawn over the edges in gold marker.
I knocked, hesitantly, drawing my woolen coat closer around my shoulders. I’d bought it as a fiftieth birthday gift for myself, and I took comfort in the heavy weight of it over my shoulders.
“Coming!” someone called from within the depths of the office.
There were a couple crashes, and the sound of paper shuffling. Eventually, the door was opened by a young woman with ketchup stains on her shirt and pencils stuck through her hair.
“Hi, I’m Sam, I specialize in supernatural consultation and hunting, how may I help you today?” Sam said, customer-service pep in her voice. She stood in the doorway, solidly blocking entry into the office.
“My name is Ezra, I’m for a consultation. I emailed you but you didn’t respond?” I shifted in place, suddenly feeling awkward.
“Oh! Yeah, I lost the password for the email ages ago. Sorry for the bad welcome, I get lots of people thinking I’m crazy or pulling a prank and harassing me.”
She ushered me into the office, clearing papers off one of the chairs to make room for me to sit down. There was a collection of swords along one wall, all of them polished to perfection, several with deep knicks in the metal which indicated that they’d been used heavily.
“So what can I help you with?” Sam asked again, more sincere this time.
“Thirty years ago, my brother was turned into a bird,” I started. I’d told this story so many times that it barely felt ridiculous to say anymore. I was used to the disbelieving looks, the careful pity. But Sam just nodded along, face open and welcoming.
“I’ve almost given up on finding him, at this point,” I said. “But I saw your ad in the newspaper, and…here I am, I suppose.”
“Here you are,” Sam echoed, smiling. She pulled one of the pencils out of her hair and took a bit of paperwork off of one of her stacks, turning it over so that the blank side sat neatly in front of her. “Tell me everything.”
I told Sam everything, and she wrote it all down, pencil scratching along the paper.
The last part of the story was always the hardest to tell. “I left him there. I ran and I didn’t look back.”
I had been to dozens of detectives and investigators over the years, once the police had dropped Hitch’s case. I’d been to professional offices with smartly-dressed secretaries and met scraggly men in coffee shops. All of them had given me the same look, pity and annoyance all mixed up into a humor-the-crazy-lady soup. Sam, though, just seemed thoughtful.
Sam leaned forward and put a hand over mine, carefully, like she thought that I would pull away. “Sometimes you have to leave people behind.”
I tightened her hold on Sam’s hand and drew it towards me, like I could make Sam listen if only I squeezed tight enough. “But that’s why I’m here. I don’t want to leave him behind.”
“Okay then. I’ll do my best to help you.” Sam agreed, finally. Then she paused, and said softly, “You know…I think I met your brother once. He might have saved my life. He’s certainly why I started in this business.”
“Really? What happened?” I asked.
This is the story that Sam told me, related to the best of my abilities:
It was a new moon, so the only illumination came from the stars gazing idly down and distant porch lights shining across the scraggly brush of the dunes. Sam’s neighbors were decent people who cared about baby turtles, so the lights were a low, unobtrusive red, and the ocean sloshed like blood. Sam walked on the beach almost every night, drawing back the gauzy pink curtains and clambering out her bedroom window. She didn’t often bother to be quiet; her mama worked the late shift and came home exhausted. As long as Sam got home before the sun, her mama would never find out that she paced the shoreline and dreamed of inhaling sand until her lungs became their own beach.
The sky was lightening. The sun would come up soon, and that meant Sam’s time on the beach was over. She needed to get back to her real life, go to her fifth grade class and stop that nonsense, as her mother would say. Her mother loved to say things like that, pushing Sam into her proper place by implication alone.
“She’s a good kid, of course, but she’s a bit…” Her mother would trail off there, usually getting a commiserating expression from whoever she was talking to. Sam always wondered how that sentence would have finished. She’s a bit strange, maybe. She’s a bit intense. She’s a bit abrasive. She’s quiet enough but when Jason tried to steal her pencil in math class, she stabbed him in the hand so hard that the lead tattooed him.
Her mother was better, for the most part. The days of her stocking up the fridge, and leaving a post-it note on the counter, and leaving for days at a time were gone. But Sam still stepped around the place on the kitchen tile where her mother had collapsed and caved her head in, even though the bloodstains had been replaced with new tile.
“Your auntie got an abortion, you know,” her mother had said from her place on the couch, slurring her words. “Pill in the mail and then bam, no more baby.”
She had clapped her hands together to illustrate her point. Her mother jerked forward and grabbed Sam by the wrist, then, staring up at her until Sam met her eyes.
“I love you, you know? But sometimes I wonder…” She settled back onto the couch. “Yeah. I wonder.”
She’d gotten up, then, back to the kitchen. She’d been stumbling, a shambling zombie of a woman. The ground in the entryway of the kitchen was raised, ever so slightly, and her mother went down hard. Her head cracked against the tile, chin first, and she didn’t move.
Sam had been the one to call the ambulance. She had stared at the scattering of loose teeth on the ground while she waited, and considered what her life would be like with a dead mom. Not so bad, she thought, and immediately felt guilty for it.
Her mom was better, now, for the most part. But Sam still stepped around the place on the kitchen floor where she had collapsed. There was still a matchbox hidden under her bed with the gleaming shine of her mother’s lost teeth, two canines and a molar. It was nice, having a piece of her mom to keep. Even if she left again, Sam would still have part of her.
Sam sighed, and turned away from the ocean. As she faced towards the low dunes further up the beach, she saw a sandcastle sitting nestled among them. It was such a strange sight that her eyes skipped over it at first, almost automatically, disregarding it because it was so out of place.
Sam found sandcastles out on the beach sometimes, usually half-collapsed and on the verge of being washed away by the waves, but she had never seen anything like the sandcastle in front of her. It was life-sized, something that wouldn’t have looked out of place in the Scottish highlands, with spires shooting up above her head and carefully etched out bricks lining each side. The front wall was dominated by an arched set of double doors, twice her height, with a portcullis nestled at the top, ready to be dropped. All of it was lovingly detailed, down to the rust on the tips of the towers and the wood grain of the door. It was made out of wet, densely-packed sand, held together impossibly. It had not been there two hours ago, when she had come to the beach.
There was a bird sitting on the overhang of the door, small and black.
As soon as she took a step towards the sandcastle, the bird shook out its feathers and swooped down towards Sam, landing at her feet with a little stumble.
“Hey, kid, get out of here,” said the bird.
Sam closed her eyes, very deliberately. When she opened them, the bird was still there. Sam considered herself a very reasonable person, so she immediately drew the most logical conclusion. The bird was, she was almost certain, a demon.
“Trust me, you don’t want to run into Mr. Salty, the queen bitch himself,” the bird said.
“Mr. Salty?” Sam inquired, polite as she knew how to be. She edged to the side, trying to get a good angle to kick the bird like a soccer ball.
The bird did something similar to a wince, all its feathers fluffing up then settling back down. “Ah, don’t call him that. He’d turn you into a toad.”
The bird gestured with its head, towards the looming sand structure. “That’s his castle. He’s in there, probably scuttling along the ceiling or some shit because that’s the sort of weirdo he is.”
Sam nodded, encouraging. She pulled back her foot and lined up her shot, the way she’d seen athletes do on TV. She aimed right for its sharp beak and let loose. The bird saw it coming, its beady eyes widening, and it cawed in distress. It flapped away, avoiding her kick only to fall backward into the sand in a scramble of wings.
“What’s your fucking problem?” it squawked. “I was trying to help you!”
“I don’t need the help of a demon,” Sam yelled, trying to remember the exorcism that her mama had taught her once, because her mama believed in being prepared for anything.
“I’m not a demon,” the bird said indignantly.
It was at about that moment that Sam gave up and just decided to roll with it.
“What are you, then?” Sam asked.
The bird shuffled its clawed feet, looking about as awkward as it could, given that it didn’t really have recognizable facial expressions. “Technically I’m a familiar of the Erlking, prince of the fae, but I prefer to be called Hitch.”
“You can’t blame me for assuming, though,” Sam said. “Ravens do tend to be associated with murder.”
“Hey, excuse you,” Hitch said. “I’m a rook, not a raven. Ravens are way bigger.”
“Sure,” Sam said, not really paying attention. Her eyes had caught on the details of the sandcastle, and she was transfixed by the slow spirals of the sand, the strange beauty of it. She found herself stepping towards the great doors, lifting a hand to knock, and as she did, the sand warped in front of her eyes, heaving itself towards her with bulging slowness. The door creaked open before her, revealing a vast, empty room. Just before she stepped inside, she felt a piercing pain in her foot, and she yelped, leaping backwards.
Hitch pecked her again, really digging his beak in. “Don’t be an idiot.”
Sam glared at him, rubbing her foot. About to retort, she finally really took in the room inside the sandcastle, and her words died in her throat.
There was a body just past the threshold of the door, face down and limbs hanging limp at its sides. Long hair splayed out in a halo around its head.
“Don’t,” Hitch warned, suddenly serious. “Just leave, kid, I mean it. I’ve seen too many people go down this road and you don’t want to be one of them.”
Sam ignored him. She made her way across the beach, slipping with every step. The sand felt deeper, piling up around her feet in silent drifts. She picked up the nearest stick and poked the body with it through the door, ready to leap back if anything went wrong, staying firmly outside of the sandcastle.
This close, Sam could tell that it used to be a woman. Her head wasn’t attached to her body. It hadn’t been a clean amputation, either. Her upper body was bruised, with chunks taken out of it, and the bones in her neck hung mangled, not connected to anything.
“Well, I warned you,” Hitch said, defeated. “I did warn you.”
Sam nudged the head with the end of the stick, nudging it over so that she could see the face. Her mother stared back at her, torn to pieces, breath still wheezing from her lungs. She wasn’t blinking, just gazing forward with glazed eyes. Sweat dripped down from her hairline.
Sam screamed and dropped the stick, tripping over herself in her haste to get away.
Her mother’s eyes were wide and pleading, and she was mouthing desperate words at Sam. Her vocal cords were broken to bits, and the only sound that came out was a strained groan.
The head rolled, inching closer to Sam like a grotesque caterpillar.
Her mother gasped for air, torn lips fluttering. Finally, comprehensible words came out. “Help. Help me, daughter.”
“That’s not your mother,” Hitch said, quiet.
Sam knew that. Her mother was sleeping back at home, and anyways her mom had never asked for her help. She had an aversion to accepting charity, as she put it.
“Okay,” Sam said, shaking all over. “Okay.”
She backed away from the sandcastle, not looking away.
“Failure,” her mother hissed as she stepped away. “I never wanted a daughter like you.”
The sun came up over the horizon. The sandcastle, Hitch, and her mom all disintegrated into sand as the light hit them.
The beach, the next night, was almost exactly how I remembered it. The beams of our flashlights sent light bouncing across the dunes, illuminating the waves, and I imagined faces in the foam of the waves.
“I’ve been back here a hundred times. There’s nothing left,” I said.
Sam took the car key out of her purse and pointed it at the sand, adjusting the sword slung over her shoulder in order to do it. The key had belonged to Hitch; Sam had requested an item of his, and it was the only thing I had left. She rested the key on the sand and drew a circle around it, inscribing symbols around the borders.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Sam shrugged. “Not much, really. I’m…I guess you could say that I’m knocking.”
The key laid inert on the sand for long enough that I was just about to give up and go home, admit to myself that Hitch was dead and that I was a fool to believe that Sam could actually help me. Then a building started to take shape, flickering in and out like it was struggling to get away. With a pop of displaced air, the sandcastle settled into existence.
Sam banged on the entryway. Nothing happened. She did it again, harder, and scowled when the door still didn’t open.
“We demand entrance, under your honor,” Sam yelled. There was a hard rush of wind, and I gripped Sam’s arm to keep my balance, but the doors cracked open reluctantly.
The inside of the sandcastle consisted of one enormous hall, the roof arching up out of sight. Rafters crisscrossed from wall to wall, and a cobbled path led further into the building, but other than that, it was completely empty, except for the birds. There were thousands of them, perched on the rafters or hopping along the ground. They parted in front of Sam and I, and reformed behind us, leaving us in a small pocket of open space. They were all black-feathered, with sharp beaks and beady eyes.
The Erlking sat on a throne at the end of the hall, lounging across it with his feet up on the armrest. He watched them as they came forward, the soft caw of the birds the only sound.
“I am here to bargain for the life of my brother,” I said, with as much dignity as I could muster, before the Erlking could say anything.
The Erlking ignored her, tilting his head to look at Sam. “I remember you. I almost got you, once.”

Sam glared at him but didn’t respond.
“You want your brother,” The Erlking said to me, and he almost sounded amused. “Then go get him.”
As if by some sort of silent signal, every bird in the room took flight at once, and their cawing made me think of screams. I covered my head against the flapping of their wings, and my vision was quickly obscured by the chaotic movement of them. I found myself on my knees, just trying to escape them.
A hand met my shoulder. Sam urged me to my feet, and together we ran for the edge of the room, where the swarm was the thinnest. We pressed ourselves into the corner and the swarm spiraled tighter and tighter at the center of the room. It went on until there seemed to be no differentiation between the birds, all of them fused together into one creature.
When the chaos died down, the birds had become one mass, with wings and eyes and talons sticking out of its flesh, thrashing and chirping. Human body parts stuck out of it, bulging out from the feathers. It was hands, mostly, with a couple knees or staring eyes. The bird amalgamation had no recognizable facial features, but there was one long beak extending from the front of its head. Most of the body parts were concentrated around the beak, and they peeked out from where the beak connected with muscle, or grew from the tongue, nestled between the two crushing halves of the beak.
It turned its beak down and crawled forward, using the hands to balance. The fingers scrambled over the ground. I was afraid of centipedes as a child, and I felt that same crawling dread when it started moving.
“Holy shit,” Sam whispered, which was rather disappointing, because I had been hoping that at least one of us knew what to do.
The creature turned, a lurching movement that crushed some of the hands underneath it, and started heaving itself slowly towards our corner.
“Better hurry up!” the Erlking called from his throne.
It was blocking the exit, by then. The shifting body of it had moved to block us off. It ambled towards us and I tried to sink further into the corner.
As it approached, getting close enough that I could smell the stink of it, I saw a flash of a tattoo on one of the hands. I leaned in, trying to find it again, like looking for dolphins surfacing in the ocean. And again, I caught a glimpse of a duck tattoo, the tattoo that Hitch had gotten on his hand as a teenager.
I ripped away from Sam’s death grip and ran for the monster.
I fell to my knees in front of it, wincing as I impacted the ground, and reached into the nest of hands. I could feel them tearing at my forearms and ripping into me with their sharp nails, but I kept going. I pressed further in, up to my shoulder in a writhing mass of limbs, aiming for the spot where I had last seen that tattoo.
The hands were tugging at me, wrapping around my back and hair. They were pulling together, trying to draw me completely into the mass of them. I was aware of Sam at my side, anchoring me in place and bashing any hand that got too close with her sword or the sparks that leapt from her hands with muttered words. But I didn’t think it would be enough. They were too strong, and there were too many of them.
I was up to my waist in the hands when something grabbed my palm. I felt the way it clung to me, and the calluses on its palm, and I knew that I had found my brother.
I flung herself back. The hands didn’t want to let me go, and they fought the whole way, but slowly, I made progress. I kept hold of Hitch’s hand in mine the whole time, gripping it as hard as I could. I finally broke free, Hitch with me, and Sam was immediately charging the creature, able to use her sword with much greater strength without being worried about injuring Hitch. She swung it forward, and it sliced through the wrist of one of the hands. It fell without a sound, red sand flowing out of it. It deflated until it looked like dirty laundry, just a piece of limp flesh. The creature shrieked, scuttling away enough that the door was finally accessible. The three of us ran for it, Sam and I supporting Hitch between us.
I looked back as I left and found the Erlking staring right at me.
“Interesting,” he murmured, his voice carrying impossibly across the vast space between us.
The sandcastle collapsed behind us, the great walls falling in on themselves. We were out in the morning sun, the sandcastle disappearing as we watched. Hitch was on the ground in front of me, as young as he’d been thirty years ago, when he was captured. He started laughing, feathers puffing out of his mouth. He laughed until he cried and I hugged him in the way that he’d held me when I was young, in the times when my life had been defined by hunger and fear.
Hitch left, afterwards. He scratched at the pinhole scars covering his body, where feathers burst through his skin, and pulled his long sleeves down around his wrists. He didn’t know where he was going but he told me that he needed time
I had spent thirty years worth of time without him. I wanted to grab my brother by the shoulders and beg him to stay. But he flinched when I hugged him goodbye and he refused to go near sand and he stared distrustfully at the birds chirping in the trees. Hitch needed to go away and I loved him too much to stop him.
I sat out on the beach every morning. I felt the sun on my face and I waited for Hitch to come home.

This is kinda long so
TL;DR: I developed derealization in November, and since it has made me hallucinate, delusional at times, disassociate from reality, paranoid, made me sometimes forget how to do simple tasks, draw blanks when having a conversation, and overall making me feel like there’s something not right neurologically. Last night I did not feel tired, even thought it was late at night, and a thought came to mind that I was developing fatal insomnia. Fatal insomnia doesn’t start with sleeplessness, it starts with symptoms like the ones I had prior. I’m terrified, and I can’t get medical attention rn. Help.
Alright, here we go. (Keep in mind that I have posted here before, just on another account)
Last night I was not tired at all. I already have the conventional insomnia, but most of the time I still felt tired, with an unquenchable desire to sleep, just not being able to. However, last night, I was completely tireless, but I still wanted to sleep, no longer because I was tired, but because I should have been asleep at the time. Eventually I just closed my eyes for a few minutes and I was asleep. Months before that, on the night of November 18, 2023, I closed my eyes to sleep, when I saw a green orb on the side of my vision. It moved almost like it was alive, and then left my field of view. I opened my eyes to a world that felt a lot more fabricated than before, physically. I felt realization before in those small doses that everyone has once in a while. But this time, it was here to stay. The next day, everything felt unreal, and the it was terrifying. Thankfully, if I stopped thinking about it and distracted myself, I would feel better. Two months later, it got worse. Things started feeling really blurry, and any artificial light (especially at night) looked saturated and was almost painful to look at. I began to not recognize everyday things, like my own face, and it would almost scare me. I would be in a constant state of paranoia. My (regular) insomnia, that I had prior, got to me, and I would wake up in the middle of the night, completely delusional, believing I’m a different person. I thought I was a soldier in war, and a character in an FPS game, and some more that I forgot. After a few minutes though at most, I would slap some sense into myself. I started hallucinating too, seeing dark figures, glowing dots, and faces. It only got worse, so awful that the only place I felt I were in, were my thoughts, which were often negative at this point. I don’t know what would warrant such a state of mind; My life has been going relatively well, so there would be no reason for me to go into derealization. I started feeling dizzy often, My head sometimes hurt, and starting last month, I noticed what I can only assume to be a cognitive decline. I’ve always been a little half witted, Having a bad memory and learning things very slowly, but my communication skills were getting worse as I was struggling to find words in conversations. I also started messing up on routine things, often because I was overthinking them. My delusions were slipping into daytime too, where my derealization would disassociate me from the world so much that I would believe I was somewhere else doing something else, but the duration of this would be a fraction of a second. Oddly enough, I don’t seem to develop ataxia. This ties into fatal insomnia considering that the condition often doesn’t start with the lack of sleep, but a mental decline, not necessarily a severe one (I’m not an expert obviously) And up until last night, I may have been in that stage. This is the start of the insomnia, I’m scared. The youngest person to die from sporadic fatal insomnia was the same age I am (16) I would drive to a doctor, but my parents aren’t allowing me to get a drivers license until i’m 18. I also cannot convince my parents to take me to the doctors because it’s a “waste of their time.” At this point the only thing I can do is exaggerate the symptoms now. As of typing this I don’t even feel like I truly am. I just feel like a jumble of thoughts watching something moving.

The shuttle rocked in the rain as it approached the surface. The last bastion. The place where she awaited
You heard stories. Hell, youd been present for some, seen things that would have broken any mortals mind as it had done so many others. And while you were just a mere mortal you endured for one reason.
Love.
How ironic that they decided it must be you to take her life
"Entered through the atmosphere, we seem to be undetected" the pilot lies, you know your night and know that she probably saw you enter the system "ETA 1 hour to drop point" you don't dignify him with a response, you've barely talked to anyone sense the order
Your wargear clatters as the shuttle shakes in the wind. Special gear, that of an elite assassin, second probably only to hers in stealth and lethality. Dozens of blades and poisons so toxic you were told to leave any of the adamantite shells after an hour on the planet. Your every move planned and thought out for weeks
None of it would matter. She told you herself how this would end. Your blade, her body. How there would be no fight even if she wanted to
You recall that day, it was in all honesty the most stable you had seen her ever. It was twilight, she refused to go out in the day, the two of you were sitting on a balcony. The two of you were sewing
Purple cloth lay in your lap. Golden thread hanging from your needle. You looked over at a curse, seeing her struggle to thread her needle
"Here, let me help" you gently rech over and guide her ever shakey hands through the eye. A brief smile, almost resembling a predator baring their teeth "thank you" she whispers "what would I do without you" she leans onto your shoulder, hands working on her project
"It doesn't matter love" you wrap your arm around her, surprisingly she accepts. "I'm not going anywhere, no matter what you see"
"I saw you leaving so many times" she starts to tremble as tears form in the corners of her eyes "so many have turned away from me. Even my sisters" she grabs tightly to your arm as she quietly sobs
You hold reach over and pat her back as she sobs into you "Sanguinia doesn't. Remember when she took you out to try that wine?" You reminder her
"I didn't like any of them, I finished the tasting in minutes and ruined the whole thing" the words come in between the sobs
"And then she took you around untill she sound something you liked, remember what it was?" You reach into your bag and produce a flask, uncorking it and waving it around the sobbing slows as she looks up through her fallen hair
You gently move your arm and she pushes into you. Taking the flask you hold it to her lips "what did you find out that day?" You hold the flask away, waiting for her answer
"That I liked hot chocolate" she mumbles as you reward her with the sugary treat, you feel her start to relax as you keep giving her sips
"That's right. And your sister found that out, one that didn't leave you" you say. Getting only a unidentifiable mumble in response "and ill always have some ready for you, I promise" feeling her tense up at your words
"Did I ever tell you about promises on my home world?" You cut off whatever she was about to say "back home they used to say that there were spirits that lived on promises. And that when you made one you made them happy, and as long as you kept their promise they'd help you in little ways." Between the chocolate and story she remains quiet
"And they'd say the bigger promise you made that the more they'd help you. Maybe only once, but you would know that they did" finishing your story "and I promise to you. I will be there for you. And I will have some ready for you" she sighs and takes the flask from your hands. Turning away from you she drinks it at her own pace.
Knowing she needs to process you return to your work. Finishing the last few stitches before turning "Kassandra" seeing her turn, drawing her needle with her teeth "I've got this for you" you hold up a simple scarf, made for someone of her size
She let's you wrap it around her neck, as you explain "I know it's cold sometimes when you go out in the night. And I know you get cold often so I figured I'd make this to keep you warm" taking the end of the scarf in her hands she sees a small golden heart with your initials in it "and that's so you remember who's waiting at home for you" you say with a kiss on her check
She doesn't move for a few minutes, before offering a simple shirt, one made of cloth and not flesh. "I made this after the last one" she mumbles out, her hair hiding most of her face "I know you didn't like it much"
Brushing the hair out of her glowing purple eyes you accept the shirt lovingly, before swapping your shirt out for it, it fits perfectly "I love it dear" you look into her eyes as she ducks her head
A faint smile visible
"DROP IN 10 SECONDS" the pilots voice snaps you out of your memories as you check and make sure everything is in place
"GO FOR DROP" the voice roars our over the engines as you jump from the shuttle. Grav shoot kicking in as you aproch the ground, landing in the courtyard. Looking back as the shuttle flys off, you steel yourself and approach the doors
They open as you approach, leading you into the hall where she sits at the end. "I knew they'd send you" her voice comes with a tone of a dead woman walking "the only one I couldn't bring myself to hurt" you see angry red lines all over her body as you approach
"Did they tell you what I did? How I ripped apart Regalia? How mich flesh I flensed from her?" Her voice rises in anger st the memory
You reach her as she looks up at you. A woman with nothing left "do it" she spits, directed at the ones who sent you here "kill me and be done with it" she looks down, not able to meet your eyes "please just make it quick" you faintly make out
Your heart weaps as your dagger raises, you look down upon your love. She doesn't move, resigned to her fate. Her hair flowing down covering her face "im sorry" you whisper as your arm falls forward...
You catch a flash of purple and gold between strands of her hair
Your dagger plunges into your chest. Right through the camera that you wore, a scream comes from Kassandra as she rushes to catch your falling body "no, no, no ,No" she repeats over and over, "I was the one to die not you" she starts desperately trying to stop the bleeding but has no knowledge
"You did die here" no pain in your voice, forced back for her sake "that's what they'll belive" you cough, blood splattering on your chest, your armor pried off by her hands to reveal the shirt she made for you and...
"Is that..." a sob breaks her sentence. Seeing the flask you always wore steaming in the cool air "I made a promise didn't I?" You grin turning into a wince as pain shoots through you "you know how promises are" you take the flask reach up, determind to have her drink
Only for your limbs to disobey you, the flask falling to the floor
Check out my other works here

Ik it's very long but please give it a read
I've had persistent nausea since last year....it all started with abdominal cramps dull aching pain on left side lasting a week...had an endoscopy which showed gastritis Cut to Oct 2023 had violent coughing which would make me vomit...then it evolved into nausea! Tried omeprazole plus domperidon combo and it went away...it hit me again in Jan 2024 so went for another endoscopy which suggested mild reflux esophagitis And gastroduodenitis...doc just upped my dose of ppi Found temporary relief but flared up again so this time i changed doc...he ordered for a poop test for h pylori and it came back negative!!!!!now he just put me on amitryptaline and a prokinetic Although my symptoms have reduced but i still have no answers at all. I'm freaking out what if it is gastroparesis? I hope its not....my follow up is after 2 months Please help me calm my anxiety Edit: i wasn't on any ppi On prokinetic and amitryptaline I've been experiencing loose semi formed stools and sometimes watery with undigested vegetable skins

have been having strange symptoms for the past 14 weeks. it started one afternoon when I experienced it as foggy outside. went to my optometrist who stated that I have mild astigmatism and hidden strabismus that my eyes compensate for. after 2 weeks my eyes started burning and I then went to the medical center who said my eyes looked healthy. my eyes continued to sting 2 weeks after the visit and they advised me to take eye drops, have tried 4 different ones and it doesn't help. made an appointment with a private ophthalmologist who dilated my pupils and even he couldn't find anything wrong with my eyes.1 week after the exam I got tinnitus and then I noticed that my floaters reflect light on lights and certain surfaces. I have become sensitive to light, see afterimages of certain things and my eyes feels strange and a bit slow. it has now been 14 weeks with constant pain in my eyes now. Am 30 years old never had problems with my eyes. I am otherwise healthy but have some problems with stress/health anxiety and would like to add that I have never touched a drug in my life. What is going on? Can I get rid of this..

She’s an overweight girl. About 18 lbs. Almost 6 years old.
We just recently brought a kitten in and he was fighting an upper respiratory infection, he was on meds but could have spread it to her.
My girl in question, JiJi, has been acting very lethargic and quiet and uninterested in food all day. I haven’t noticed if she’s used her litter box today but I’m keeping an eye on her now. I watched her try to take a bit of her food but it looked like she couldn’t swallow. It could be a respiratory thing but there’s no coughing, sneezing or discharge from her. Just lethargy, silence, mild gagging with nothing coming up, hiding, and possibly limited pooping peeing and eating.The weirdest part is how quiet she’s being, she’s usually loud. She also keeps hiding from me and trying to go in the closet and that’s not like her. She hangs in the living room so I’m going to stay with her tonight and keep an eye on her but, based on these symptoms, should i take her to the ER or can it wait until Monday? (It’s Sunday at 1am currently, so. Unless it sounds REALLY BAD, I’m gonna just watch her closely and take her when it’s more accessible.)
I’m just really anxious and want to make sure my sweet girl is okay. Any insight is greatly appreciated :)

I first started noticing that something was wrong around 3 months ago. At the time, I was working from home and would usually light a scented candle while I worked, which usually helped me relax and stay focused on my work. I would usually burn through a candle a week, but over time, the candles started to take less time to fully burn up. At first, I thought that this was because of a change in ingredients the company that made the candles used, but the problem persisted after I switched candle brands, which I once again blamed on the candle manufacturers.
I kept this belief for another week until the first incident. While getting up from my computer desk, which faces away from the candle, to take a quick bathroom break, I caught a glimpse of the lit candle. A two-inch layer of molten wax rested on another three-inch layer of solid wax, the wicks rising out at first and being somewhat visible through the molten layer, finally breaking the surface and being slowly burned away. The flames flickered as I swung the door open and walked out of the room. When I returned 10 minutes later, the molten layer was gone, and the wicks had been shortened so that the flames rested right above the solid layer of the wax. At first, I thought that the glass jar that contained the candle was leaking, but after a short inspection, I was only able to find two small drops of candle wax that had solidified right next to the candle on the bedside table. I still had 2 hours of work left to do, but I was too lost in thought and was unable to do any work for the rest of the day.
Every night before I go to sleep, I like to read for at least 30 minutes, and while reading, I usually light a candle. Around 4 days later, I had mostly forgotten about the incident and went back to using candles. Due to my naivety, it returned.
I fell asleep while reading with a candle lit on my bedside table. I woke up to loud slurping noises. As I opened my eyes, the brightness of the light I had not turned off almost blinded me. As my eyes tried to readjust to the light and focus on what was in front of me, I saw a somewhat humanoid dark gray to light blue blur that contrasted with the white paint on the walls behind it. Another gray line stretched from the shape's head to the candle on my bedside table. I could feel my heart skip five consecutive beats. I opened my mouth and tried to force out a scream for help, but the pressure I applied to my throat was way beyond what it was able to handle, leading me to only produce a light wheezing sound. I tried to sit up or to at least prop myself up, but my muscles failed me. Trying to push myself up with my arms felt impossible. As I stared at the figure that had suddenly appeared in my room, my eyes finally managed to focus, making it possible for me to see the intruder who was now staring at me. The figure was a man at least 7 feet tall, fully naked; he looked bloated; his eyes were bloodshot and looked like they would pop out of their sockets; at any point, his skin was a grayish light blue.
HIS LIPS
His lips extended from his mouth like an elephant's trunk, which had been split in half. The lips extended from the man's face to the candle; the flames had been put out. He was using his lips as a makeshift straw, slowly sucking up all the molten wax from the candle, which had fully liquified while I was asleep. I laid in bed, unable to move, unable to scream for help, staring until he emptied the jar. His lips retracted back to his face, the molten wax solidifying on their tips and cracking, flakes of wax falling off the man's lips and falling to the floor. The man grinned, staring at me. The ridges and gaps between the teeth were filled in with wax, making it impossible to make out where one tooth ended and the next one began. The man opened the door he was standing next to, but instead of walking out of the room, he stepped behind it. His face peered at me from above the door, and then once again, like he had done to drink the wax, the man puckered his lips, which stretched from his mouth and floated to me. I shook and tried to roll over away from him. I wanted to get up and run, but my fear had taken over my body. Tears flowed from my eyes. He kissed me on the cheek, leaving flakes of wax and light moisture. He retracted his lips and lowered his head behind the door.
I don't remember falling asleep, but when I woke up, I saw the empty glass jar, which at one point contained the candle. Even though I had hoped that what had happened was a dream, it wasn't. I still had flakes of wax on my cheek, and on my bedroom floor, the wax in the jar had disappeared. I called the police, but they were unable to find anyone in my apartment; they also could not find any evidence of a break-in.
After the break-in, I started looking for a new apartment to move to, thinking that the man was tied to the building I was in, but even though I had thrown out all of my candles, I could not stomach spending another hour in my apartment, constantly looking over my shoulder or walking around with my back pressed up against the wall to not allow it to creep up on me. Thankfully, my friend Emma was able to let me stay over at her apartment while I looked for a new one for myself.
Me and Emma have been friends since we were 8, and we've been there to support each other when times get rough. This isn’t the first time I've had to stay over at her house for an extended amount of time; in fact, I have had to stay over at Emma’s as many times as she has had to stay over at my apartment, whether it was because of evictions after losing a job, breakups, or a candle wax drinking squatter. I didn't even know if it was human. I mean, sure, it looked like one, but human lips are not supposed to do what his did, and somehow it didn't have a reaction to molten wax being poured down its esophagus. I didn't tell Emma about what happened—the details at least—I just told her that a man had broken into my house and was watching me sleep. The only people I told the truth to were my therapist and the cops, and all of them disregarded what I told them as my mind making things up after a traumatic event.
For a while, I believed what they said—I mean, why wouldn’t I?—but then I started seeing him again. For a few days, I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me again like it had done during the night of the incident. For split seconds out of the corner of my eye, I would see the outline of a tall, bloated figure. At first, they were hours apart, but after a while, it became constant. He was standing in each room I passed, in every single dark corner I glanced past, and then he spoke.
“FeeD MeEeee”
It stood in the kitchen, peering over from a small gap between the fridge and the sink, where the trash can that had been knocked over onto its side usually stood. His voice was raspy, and every word that came out of his mouth was distorted as if he were gargling water, but still, I could somehow clearly make out each word he said from over 15 feet away.
“Please just leave me alone I… why are you following me?”
I shouted at the figure, the same fear that had taken over my body during the night I saw him for the first time paralyzing me, making it impossible for me to move anything other than my eyes, eyelids, and mouth.
“i’M sTarviNg, I nEEd You To FeEd ME”
It replied again. Now, stepping out from behind the fridge, he stepped directly onto a rotten banana. Its mushy brown content’s seeping out of the peel under the pressure of his decomposing foot, which was covered in scabs, and took up the same grayish light blue color as the rest of his body. He mostly looked the same; his bloodshot eyes bulged from their sockets, but now his tongue was swollen. It peeked out from between his bloated, cracked gray lips; it stared at me, waiting for an answer.
“Ok, I’ll.. I’ll feed you, but please just... leave me alone.”
I replied, the tone of my voice shifting into high-pitched squeals with every quick breath I took. He looked satisfied by my response. He somehow squeezed his bloated body back into the gap that was at least four times smaller than him. After peering over at me from above the fridge, he bent over backwards, his spine releasing a series of sickening cracks until he was fully obscured by the fridge, and then he vanished.
Still barely in control of my body, I limped over to the couch tucked away in the back corner of the living room, it took me at least 10 minutes to steady my breathing and 20 more to fully regain control of my body again but as soon as I did I ran out the house and to the nearest store, during the 15-minute walk he stared at me through dark windows and the backs of cars, peered out at me from gaps between leaves in the trees and bushes, he even followed me into the store staring at me from the middle of deserted isles before disappearing right before my eyes were able to fully catch him, once I finally got the candles I randomly picked four off of the shelves and rushed to the self checkout.
When I arrived home, I had 2 hours before Emma got off work. I didn't want to feed it while she was home, and I didn't want her to see it. I pulled out two of the candles from the black plastic bag and placed them on the kitchen table, the first a light blue candle named “Garden Rain” and the second a red candle named “Juicy Watermelon." I pulled out a lighter from one of the drawers Emma used after her stove stopped lighting on its own and lit each of the 6 wicks on the candles. As soon as I started seeing the wax melt under the heat of the burning wicks, I dropped the lighter onto the table next to the candles and ran out of the room. I could not stomach seeing that thing again; even just thinking about it made me shudder and hyperventilate. The paralyzing fear that seeing him caused me made me want to vomit.
At least 30 minutes later I started to hear it drink even though the living room and kitchen were separated by a wall, even though I had closed the door I could still hear what at first started as slurping sounds which were followed up by loud gulps, then it stopped, and once again 30 minutes later it started drinking, as the slurping started once again I heard the door to the apartment crack open, it was Emma, as she stepped through the door I saw her carrying two large brown paper bags of groceries in her hands, she was headed to the kitchen.
“Hey let me grab those for you”
I said running over to her, my voice shaking.
“Oh, thanks. Are you… okay, you look scared?”
My eyes shot wide open in a mixture of fear and surprise. I said the first thing that came to mind.
“Yeah just umm… I didn't expect you to come home so early and I got a bit spooked”
“shit sorry, I know I should have called you, work let me off early today,”
I started to turn away from her walking to the kitchen.
Trying to keep her away from the kitchen I told her to wait for me in the living room because I wanted to talk to her about something. I didn't know what I would talk to her about but that was a problem for future me to resolve, somehow it worked.
“What's that sound?”
She called out to me while walking towards the living room couch. It took me a few seconds to come up with an excuse.
“I think it’s the sink, or the pipes at least”
I opened the door to the kitchen with my eyes closed at first hesitant to look knowing what would be greeting me. slowly prying my eyes open I started to see its outline, my muscles started to lose strength as the details of the man came into my view, I felt the grocery bags start to slip from my arms, my knees buckled, face first I fell onto the kitchen floor scattering the groceries all over the floor, I mixture of a light scream and a yelp escaped from my mouth as my body made contact with the floor, Emma concerned for my safety ran into the kitchen, she didn't scream, using all of the strength and mobility I had left in my muscles I rolled over expecting to see her face drenched in terror, her body frozen still unable to move just like my body had done the first time that I saw him, but Emma looked concerned, the man was gone, she crouched down beside me.
“Oh my god are you ok? What happened?”
I looked around observing my surroundings.
“I um… I… I tripped on the little thing at the bottom of the doorframe”
I finally managed to blurt out another excuse, not being able to remember what the name of a door sill was. I started to sit up using a part of the energy that had returned to my body, pain pulsed through my chest and arms, Emma looked at me with a concerned face.
“You've been acting really weird since I got home, are you sure you're ok?”
“Yeah… I think I’m just having one of those days you know”
The confusion on Emma’s face said that she didn’t know and to be honest I didn't either, I guess my luck of pulling random excuses out of my ass ran out, Emma thought that she triggered some sort of PTSD response after barging into the house unannounced at first apologizing then trying to change the subject to stop my trembling which I was still unsuccessfully trying to hide from her.
“Did you buy candles?”
Emma asked picking the groceries apart from the garbage that spilled out the can that the man had knocked over, placing them on the table next to the now half-empty glass jars, the flames flickered above the inch or so of molten wax the man was unable to finish drinking.
“Yeah I’ve been struggling with work lately, they usually help me focus”
“Huh Interesting combination you’ve got going on here”
She looked at me and smiled slightly, I smiled back and chuckled to seem normal.
“Yeah even I don't know what I was trying to accomplish here, to be honest”
I tried to help Emma clean up the spilled groceries but she did not let me, she told me that I needed to recover like I had been in a car crash instead of having taken a little tumble. After a few seconds of silence, Emma spoke again.
“Anyway, what did you want to talk to me about earlier?”
A quick jolt of stress shot through my body, in a jumbled mess of lies and fear I had forgotten what I had told Emma, I sat there in silence for a few seconds unable to come up with an excuse
“I…umm… I don’t remember, it wasn't anything serious though”
“Damn did you hit your head too?”
She said once again proudly smiling at her joke.
At this point Emma picked up the last bag of potato chips from the floor and placed it on the table, then she opened the fridge and started loading the groceries into it.
“Anyway I gotta go get back to work’’
I blurted out after a few more seconds of awkward silence.
“Alright well good luck”
I walked over into the living room and sat down in front of my workstation, which now consisted of a laptop sitting on a small foldable TV tray that had just barely enough room left on it to fit a small USB mouse.
The last thing I remember, before I fell asleep, was me mindlessly scrolling through apartment listings while Emma watched a random 90’s horror movie I’m positive only had a budget of $500.
I woke up with a light stinging pain shooting through my dry throat, and a dim hissing sound caused by thousands of water drops striking the ground outside filled the room. I pressed the spacebar on my laptop, the brightness of the screen blinding me temporarily, after taking a few seconds to let my eyes readjust I managed to make out the time, 3:45 AM. A strong smell I was unable to make out the origin of assaulted my nostrils. Lavender.
The smell hitting my nose had the same effect on me that I would expect smelling salts would have on a weightlifter right before they set a world record. Before I knew it my legs were moving on their own at an almost uncontrollable pace, fighting back against my mind which was telling them to slow down after years of being used to navigating both mine and Emma’s apartment as steadily as possible to not bother the neighbors.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity I stood before Emma’s bedroom door, a faint, yellow, pulsating light radiated from a lamp and snuck out of a small gap between the door and the doorframe, reluctantly I pushed my left hand up against the door, my right hand grasping onto the door frame for a sense of stability, once the door was fully agape I scanned the inside of the room my heart skipping a beat for every humanoid shadow cast up onto the wall by the lights from the wicks which were set ablaze and were being slowly burnt away.
I walked into Emma’s room and made my way over to her bedside table to put out the candle, as I stepped closer towards her, her face became more defined, I could finally make out her features, she was awake, but no she could not have been, even though her eyes were wide open they never blinked, she didn't even move slightly, as I moved closer I finally managed to fully make out the expression of pure terror on her face, her mouth wide agape as if she was about to release a deafening screach, but she could not have, a single drop of solidified wax dribbled out of the corner of her mouth and clung to her cheek, my eyes traced the cream colored path back towards her mouth, first up her cheek then between the corner of her mouth and finally behind her teeth, there instead of her tongue or the roof of her mouth I saw a wall of wax which had filled in the entirety of her mouth.
I fell to my knees and hunched forward supporting my body weight with my arms, I was too late, I resisted the urge to vomit and got back up onto my feet, a mixture of tears and snot slid down my face and onto my lips, shaking now I slowly started limping over towards my phone which I had left on the couch next to where I had awoken just minutes before, just minutes before my life was destroyed because of my lies if I had just told Emma what I had gone through, if I had just told her what had happened on the night of the incident which now seemed trivial, even if she thought that I was crazy, I know that she would have complied just to make me feel comfortable.
It took me at least 30 seconds of repeated attempts to stabilize my hands enough to properly dial 911. “Someone broke into my apartment and hurt my friend” was the only reasonable explanation I could come up with that would not get the operator to hang up on me thinking that this was a prank call.
I sat there in the living room for an agonizing 10 minutes, crying, my sadness slowly transformed into anger towards myself, and my mind raced thinking of all the lies I’d told, I kept thinking that if I had just told her the truth she would not have been laying there in her bed, her body bloated, “every single orifice has signs of forced penetration and has been filled with what seems to be candle wax” is what was written on her autopsy report.
For a few days I was the main suspect in Emma’s murder, but due to the almost unstoppable crying and the unresponsive state that I was in when the police arrived, mixed with the lack of evidence of me having a way to produce 30 pounds of candle wax led to me being released out of police custody, but because I was the main suspect I was not told any details about what had fully happened to Emma, for days all I had to work off of was the image of her face frozen in terror, and a short glance I caught of her bloated body as she was being carted out on a stretcher.
I recounted every single word of our last conversations over and over again until they became permanently etched into my brain.
Emma’s parents originally wanted to cremate her, as that is what she had somewhat jokingly asked for whenever the topic of funerals came up, well she had joked about wanting to have had unpopped popcorn shoved down her throat before she was sent off to “scare the shit out of the guy cremating me” but due to all the wax which would have been impossible to get out of her body they were forced to bury her.
A few days before Emma’s funeral her body disappeared.
After Emma’s death, her parents took me into their home, after reading the autopsy reports and seeing her corpse they had thrown out every single candle they owned which made their home the safest choice I had, still, this did not stop me from buying a machete and keeping it under my bed, just in case.
I was laying on the bed in their guest bedroom The day that the police informed Emma’s parents about her disappearance, the bedroom is right above the front porch of the house, at first I heard them ring the doorbell which was followed up by 3 powerful knocks on the door, for about a minute I laid there on the bed listening to muffled voices exchanging distorted words I was barely able to make out which slowly transformed into distorted weeps, curious I lifted myself up from the bed, made my way over to the window and carefully lifted the bottom panel making Shure to not make too much noise, the distorted muffled sounds started forming into coherent words “We checked the security footage but the only strange thing we could see was a 5 second time jump” one of the officers spoke in a serious and almost monotone voice “which meant that the security guard who was the only person in the building had to climb down 2 flights of stairs walk through a 40 foot long hallway and then drag her body back up stairs and out of the building in 5 seconds” Emma’s mom let out yelp “ but don’t worry ma'am that’s actually good news because we know that her corpse is still somewhere within the building and was probably brought to the wrong floor by an intern, we’ve already warned all of the staff at the hospital to keep an eye out, and we also sent 5 officers to search the hospital”
I could not believe what I was hearing, my breathing quickened, but this time instead of fear I felt anger, that fucker stole her corpse and was probably in the weird separate plane of existence he always went back to after terrorizing me, cutting off chunks of her body, melting her, and drinking her.
I closed the window Emma’s mom's cries once again turned into a muffled rumble which was only possible to make out if you knew what to look for, I took a few steps back away from the window planning to lay back down, not wanting to bother Emma’s parents. I bumped into something, not something, someone, its fleshy towering form as solid as a wall sent me tumbling forward, I knew it was him, he had returned to take me too, to stretch his swollen cracked lips, push them down my esophagus, fill my lungs and stomach with wax. But despite all of that this time I was not scared, I was angry, and I was not going to stand there in terror like I had the last time I saw him.
I fell forward onto my knees my face missing the window sill just by mere inches, I put my hands onto the floor, lifted one of my knees, and rotated 180 degrees now facing the monster, to the right of him pushed up against the wall was the bed, light from the sun reflected off of the metallic button which kept my machete in it’s sheathe, the man started to stretch his lips, they were moving towards me, waving a wiggling through the air like a snake slithering towards me.
I dove towards the bed one of my feet pushing off of the floor and the other pushing against the wall which creaked under the pressure applied to it, I flew for a few moments before slamming down onto the carpet and sliding forward, the heat generated by my skin brushing against the carpet released a sharp stinging pain throughout my body, my outstretched arm landed just a few inches short of the machete, I quickly bent my arms, pushing my body up and crawled towards the machete. my fingers wrapped around the handle I spun around, my back pushed up against the bedside table, once again facing the man, he was still facing the window but his lips faced me and were just a few feet away from me, for what felt like minutes but was most likely no longer than a second, I struggled to hook my finger under the strap securing the machete into its sheath, as the lips inched towards me the man started producing gurgling noises, he was regurgitation wax.
I finally pulled the machete out of its sheath, I swung the blade at the man's lips, the blade was not met with any resistance as it sliced through the man’s lips which landed on the carpeted floor with an audible thud, the man did not have a physical reaction to my counter-attack, his lips kept creeping towards me, once again I slashed at the lips, still no reaction, I repeated this at least 3 more times.
I wanted to kill him, I wanted to take revenge for what he had done to Emma, but fighting back was pointless. I realized that no matter how much I tried to hurt it, I could not kill him, I could not get rid of him.
My rage dissipated and a mixture of fear and sadness crept in, and soon took over my body, I screamed for help, I screamed in fear, in agony, tears streamed down my face as the man's lips finally reached my face, he wasn’t met with any resistance as his lips snuck between mine, pried my jaw open and finally started to slide down my esophagus.
I heard the cops run up the stairs, they started banging on the door asking if I was okay only to have been met with muffled screams, hot wax started to pour down inside of me, the stinging pain of the heat made me want to plunge the machete which I had dropped onto the ground next to me into my stomach to create a gaping wound that the wax would hopefully funnel out of, the texture of the man's slippery, oily lips matched with the poison like flavor of the wax caused me to start gagging, I felt my insides bulging like at any moment my intestines would have been filled to the point where they would pop, I wanted to vomit, the drain myself of the filth I was filled with, but his lips had plugged my throat not allowing anything to get out.
Hearing my muffled screams the cops started kicking the door down, the man retracted his lips, the suction aided my attempts at cleansing my insides, I got onto my hands and knees streams of molten wax pouring out of me, solidifying on the the carpet, with another loud thud the door swung open slamming into the wall, the man was gone.
That’s the last thing I remember before I passed out, but according to one of the doctors who was in the ambulance that brought me to the hospital, I was still semi-responsive during the first 10 minutes of the ride to the hospital.
Approximately 13.4 pounds of wax were removed from my body, the doctors said that I was in a critical condition and some of them did not expect me to make it.
One of the officers who was there the day the man attacked me took a report of what had happened to me, due to the unmistakable evidence of what had happened to both me and Emma, and the fact that this was the 3rd instance of me reporting something like this the police finally started investigating who this man might have been.
Around a month later I was discharged from the hospital and once again have been staying in the living room of Emma’s parent's house.
I’ve been seeing the man again, candles were not allowed in the hospital I stayed at, which means that he’s probably very hungry, he’s close to attacking me again, I know it, he wants to finish what he started and I don't know if I have the power to fight back, I’m not sure if defeating him is even possible, I’m tired.
I’ve been seeing Emma too, her bloated, reanimated corpse often appears to be standing next to the man. If I let him take me will I get to join them? I’ve tried asking but they don’t answer, they just stare, I can’t keep living in constant fear, always looking over my shoulder, I miss Emma.

I’ll never understand why women are religious. I understand why men are, after all, they are the gods. They are the superiors and we are just the r*apebait, baby making slaves right?
Religions women disgust me. No self-respecting man would ever follow a religion that only/ mainly has female gods, that worships females, that calls females the creators, that has a “father” but can never acc mention that father, that constantly says that they are inferior to women, that men were the cause of the original sin/ that they are rhe root of evil cuz 1 (made up) “person” messed up and now everyone born their gender will have a painful and fucked up life, and so on and so forth. So why do women do it?
This is one of womens’ many flaws imo. Too forgiving. And because of that, i think that religions are right in saying that women are “obedient”. More men are atheists than women. It should be the other way around but women just wont leave this toxic relationship.
Im south asian. Almost all my family is hindu, and i sort of practised it too until i was about 10, then became an atheist. I am 19 now and have everlasting trauma and self-hate from those 10 years and just learning more about the different religions makes them hate them and my self more and more and more and more.
There is a ceremony that some people preform when a girl gets her first period. Absolutely barbaric and this was my breaking point to making me become an atheist. It’s basically am advertisement and it’s lowkey pedophilic cuz the whole idea of it is that they invite everyone and basically say “i have a daughter who can now have kids. So men, come up, and take a gander at her”. Basically saying that this 7-12 yr old is old enough for marriage and to have kids. And it just gives off “if she’s old enough to bleed, she’s old enough to breed” vibes.
And ofc men dont have anything this humiliating cuz why would they? Men actually have DIGNITY in this world that tries to shame, belittle and degrade women from the time we are born!
Oh and also right after i got it. Like the second after i got my first one. My stupid mom called all of her family and told them even when i told her not to. NO RESPECT FOR ME
I never did this stupid thing. I had to fight my parents to not do it and i dont regret what i did. BUT after not doing it, people (random ass family members mainly) would COME UP TO ME AND ASK ME IF I “WAS NORMAL” … NORMAL. THAT IS THE EXACT WORDING THEY USED. ASKED ME IF ANYTHING WAS “WRONG” with me! The answer is no. BUT WHY IS THAT ANYONES BUSINESS. WHY SHOULD MY BUSINESS BE SHARED TO ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO I DONT EVEN KNOW LIKE THIS? Like even if i did have endo or didnt get a period for whatever reason or whatever, THAT WOULD NOT MAKE ME “not NORMAL”. Do we treat anyone else with other diseases/ illnesses like this?! Do we tell people with cancer that they are “not normal”. NO BECAUSE THEY DONT CONTROL THAT (not in every case). They for the most part have condolences and best wishes. but the SECOND it is something that affects cis women, SOCIETY SHAMES THEM INSTEAD OF RESPECTING THEIR PRIVACY OR SHOWING THEM PITY OR CONCERN OR GIVING THEM USEFUL/ WANTED ADVICE
When you are on you period, you are “unclean” and apparently spread cooties or something idk. Just such childish thinking. Cuz ive had family members Litterally SNEEZE AND COUGH IN FOOD or cough without covering their mouths and my mom turns a blind eye to it. Defends them. Says theres nothing wrong and that they are not “actually sick”. But BUT …. If i am on my period and want to touch my own clothes in my own closet. Or if i had just finished my period and haven’t showered yet and go to touch my clothes, TELL ME WHY MY MOM THROWS A HISSY FIT TANTRUM GOING OFF ABOUT HOW IM “CONTAMINATING” all mu clothes and that everything ive touched now had to be washed ?!?!!?!!!?!!???? GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
YELLS AT ME FOR GOING TO THE KITCHEN IN MY OWN HOUSE. YELLS AT ME FOR PASSING THE PRAYER ROOM TO GET TO MY OWN BED ROOM. Like she knew she was raised like this and that she would do that to me. Should have just had an abortion (im from canada) the second she found out that i wasn’t a precious, clean baby boy , but instead am a dirty, impure female.
UK WHAT, just search up what “period huts” are on google 😀 and all the LITTERAL DEATHS THEY CAUSE CUZ PEOPLE WANNA BANISH GIRLS FROM THEIR HOMES FOR SOMETHING WE CAN NOT CONTROL NOT EVEN ALLOWED IN YOUR OWN HOME AND YOU ARE REDUCED TO A STRAY ANIMAL FOR YOUR PERIOD. In fact, despite the fact that these people throw those huge parties to announce a first period, periods are VERY taboo in south asia. To the point where women cant even have/ use pads or carry pads around so they have to resort to using cloth and leaves WHICH CAUSES INFECTIONS
WE HATE OUR GIRLS SO MUCH AND EVERYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH THEM THAT WE WOULD RATHER KILL THEM OR MAKE THEM TERRIBLY SICK THAN HELP THEM! Im crying writing this cuz im honestly at a loss for words.
That said, i dont think that hinduism is the worst one out there. There are definitely worse ones but this was just my experience and i needed to vent and maybe teach others some things and give reasons as to why we shouldn’t be following these MAN MADE LIES!

She’s an overweight girl. About 18 lbs. Almost 6 years old.
We just recently brought a kitten in and he was fighting an upper respiratory infection, he was on meds but could have spread it to her.
My girl in question, JiJi, has been acting very lethargic and quiet and uninterested in food all day. I haven’t noticed if she’s used her litter box today but I’m keeping an eye on her now. I watched her try to take a bit of her food but it looked like she couldn’t swallow. It could be a respiratory thing but there’s no coughing, sneezing or discharge from her. Just lethargy, silence, mild gagging with nothing coming up, hiding, and possibly limited pooping peeing and eating.The weirdest part is how quiet she’s being, she’s usually loud. She also keeps hiding from me and trying to go in the closet and that’s not like her. She hangs in the living room so I’m going to stay with her tonight and keep an eye on her but, based on these symptoms, should i take her to the ER or can it wait until Monday? (It’s Sunday at 1am currently, so. Unless it sounds REALLY BAD, I’m gonna just watch her closely and take her when it’s more accessible.)
I’m just really anxious and want to make sure my sweet girl is okay. Any insight is greatly appreciated :)

When I was like 7/8/9 (I truly can’t remember what age, I’d like to say it is the earliest one but it’s probably 9) I went to this camp for like four days. It was pretty bad overall, didn’t really enjoy it, but it was almost finished. In fact, maybe I was slightly older? Like 10? Now I really can’t remember, I tried tracking what age I could be but I don’t like to ask when I went on it with anyone.
We had went on this big last walk during the final day and my legs had been really itchy for a lot of the walk back. I had no idea why. When we got back each room went back to their own, there was probably about 8 of us in a room, with bunk beds. I had decided to change clothing because I thought it must just be my trousers that had been itching my legs so badly.
When I went to take my trousers off, I scratched and saw that it was dried under my nails, and before I realised what had even happened someone had shouted what had occurred. Then suddenly everyone was running out of the room, I think someone was shouting it, some of them had got other people from a different room, and I guess one of the camp programme leaders. I had pulled my trousers up immediately though. One person had stayed behind and looked with pity.
I think I had just hid badly behind the door, probably in shock. When the leader came and got me. When I think about it now it’s all in third person. He had me taken to one of the really nice en-suite showers (compared to the campers had cubicle ones? I think anyway) and told me I could wash up there.
When I left, my hair was still damp, and I had to walk into an entire hall full of kids, both younger, same age, and older than me, and go up and get my great end of the camping trip hot chocolate. The walk and hot chocolate being the final part of the trip.
(I realise I’m saying camping trip, they were all lodges, and it was doing camping like activities)
Anyway, I walk through a quiet-ish room after a lot of people had stopped talking. I could feel eyes on me. I got my hot chocolate and immediately took a sip only to burn my tongue and cause more attention via my coughing. I probably did that so quickly just to do something rather than stand and think.
I got water and went down to sit at the bench where my good friend/primary school friend sat, with some others. I can’t remember what else we talked about but what he said always stuck with me “don’t worry, everyone makes mistakes” but I could sense he was embarrassed.
The next day, I remember standing waiting to leave, near the car hovering, as my parents spoke to the leader. I assume he told them, but I have no idea because I was too ashamed to ever ask or bring it up.
There was this guy who had brought it up a lot years later. He would walk a similar way home and tried to embarrass me. For years during highschool I would be nervous if he would come out at lunch/see him around/ walking home because he would say it in front of others and I could deal with the embarrassment. I ate so much, stopped at a shop to avoid meeting him on the way home, and would buy tons of food. My obesity has been an even bigger part of my life. I’m not assertive and I lack self-esteem.
It didn’t matter probably because everyone probably knew already. I tried to forget it when it happened, but in first year of highschool, a bit later into it, that friend who was on it with me told a lot of people. I got a fair amount of jokes, and looks. I never mentioned it myself though and just shrank into myself.
It was so long ago but was such a formative part of my life and ended up defining a lot of how I was perceived by everyone. I’m not sure how I feel about it, I think it’s still there, I don’t go a week I would say without thinking about it in some regard. I had always wanted to change my name and move away when I grew up, both because of that and other stuff.
Obviously, it was just some childhood thing and I want to get over it but I find it really hard. I hoped writing this and hearing thought could help but I doubt it. That guy I was friends with was okay after that, and I don’t think I hold a grudge but I don’t know. The other guy I see often as he works somewhere I go (still living at home rn). He never mentioned it, neither have I, but I feel like we both know. I hated him and now I don’t know what I feel.

This is kinda long so
TL;DR: I developed derealization in November, and since it has made me hallucinate, delusional at times, disassociate from reality, paranoid, made me sometimes forget how to do simple tasks, draw blanks when having a conversation, and overall making me feel like there’s something not right neurologically. Last night I did not feel tired, even thought it was late at night, and a thought came to mind that I was developing fatal insomnia. Fatal insomnia doesn’t start with sleeplessness, it starts with symptoms like the ones I had prior. I’m terrified, and I can’t get medical attention rn. Help.
Alright, here we go. (Keep in mind that I have posted here before, just on another account)
Last night I was not tired at all. I already have the conventional insomnia, but most of the time I still felt tired, with an unquenchable desire to sleep, just not being able to. However, last night, I was completely tireless, but I still wanted to sleep, no longer because I was tired, but because I should have been asleep at the time. Eventually I just closed my eyes for a few minutes and I was asleep. Months before that, on the night of November 18, 2023, I closed my eyes to sleep, when I saw a green orb on the side of my vision. It moved almost like it was alive, and then left my field of view. I opened my eyes to a world that felt a lot more fabricated than before, physically. I felt realization before in those small doses that everyone has once in a while. But this time, it was here to stay. The next day, everything felt unreal, and the it was terrifying. Thankfully, if I stopped thinking about it and distracted myself, I would feel better. Two months later, it got worse. Things started feeling really blurry, and any artificial light (especially at night) looked saturated and was almost painful to look at. I began to not recognize everyday things, like my own face, and it would almost scare me. I would be in a constant state of paranoia. My (regular) insomnia, that I had prior, got to me, and I would wake up in the middle of the night, completely delusional, believing I’m a different person. I thought I was a soldier in war, and a character in an FPS game, and some more that I forgot. After a few minutes though at most, I would slap some sense into myself. I started hallucinating too, seeing dark figures, glowing dots, and faces. It only got worse, so awful that the only place I felt I were in, were my thoughts, which were often negative at this point. I don’t know what would warrant such a state of mind; My life has been going relatively well, so there would be no reason for me to go into derealization. I started feeling dizzy often, My head sometimes hurt, and starting last month, I noticed what I can only assume to be a cognitive decline. I’ve always been a little half witted, Having a bad memory and learning things very slowly, but my communication skills were getting worse as I was struggling to find words in conversations. I also started messing up on routine things, often because I was overthinking them. My delusions were slipping into daytime too, where my derealization would disassociate me from the world so much that I would believe I was somewhere else doing something else, but the duration of this would be a fraction of a second. Oddly enough, I don’t seem to develop ataxia. This ties into fatal insomnia considering that the condition often doesn’t start with the lack of sleep, but a mental decline, not necessarily a severe one (I’m not an expert obviously) And up until last night, I may have been in that stage. This is the start of the insomnia, I’m scared. The youngest person to die from sporadic fatal insomnia was the same age I am (16) I would drive to a doctor, but my parents aren’t allowing me to get a drivers license until i’m 18. I also cannot convince my parents to take me to the doctors because it’s a “waste of their time.” At this point the only thing I can do is exaggerate the symptoms now. As of typing this I don’t even feel like I truly am. I just feel like a jumble of thoughts watching something moving.

Hello, 34m from Italy, nice to meet you all. What I ask you today, with all my heart, is to read this post, hoping that someone can click with it.
Since 2012 my life has been nothing less than a hell. I gradually developed a huge amount of symptoms, some of these are unbearable and I’m really, really having trouble imagining a future like this.
I’ll try to be as concise as possible while listing my symptoms:

• a terrible migraine-like headache, pounding pain, 27 days/month on average. At this point I can only manage it with morphine ev. I checked everything, tried everything.
  
• Sexual dysfunction, where erextion problems and lack of spontaneous erection are the worst.
  
• Stuttering
  
• Dermatitis
  
• Terrible loss of short term memory
  
• Struggle urinating, urgency, weak stream and huge effort to do it
  
• Confusion
  
• Anxiety
  
• I had seizures once, but eeg showed no epilepsy
  
• Feeling constantly stress but with no reason at all
  
• Vision problems, need to keep my eye closed like they were super tired focusing things
  

And probably something I’m missing right now.
I spent all my money traveling in search of answers. I lost my job because of my chronic pain. I’m living a miserable life. I lost the chance to pursue a blooming career in music. I simply cannot accept this scenario, I need at least to give a name to this monster.
I hope someone will see himself in this story, and maybe some hint could come up. This would have an inestimable value for me.
Wish you all the best, and thanks ❤️

Hello, 34m from Italy, nice to meet you all. What I ask you today, with all my heart, is to read this post, hoping that someone can click with it.
Since 2012 my life has been nothing less than a hell. I gradually developed a huge amount of symptoms, some of these are unbearable and I’m really, really having trouble imagining a future like this.
I’ll try to be as concise as possible while listing my symptoms:

• a terrible migraine-like headache, pounding pain, 27 days/month on average. At this point I can only manage it with morphine ev. I checked everything, tried everything.
  
• Sexual dysfunction, where erextion problems and lack of spontaneous erection are the worst.
  
• Stuttering
  
• Dermatitis
  
• Terrible loss of short term memory
  
• Struggle urinating, urgency, weak stream and huge effort to do it
  
• Confusion
  
• Anxiety
  
• I had seizures once, but eeg showed no epilepsy
  
• Feeling constantly stress but with no reason at all
  
• Vision problems, need to keep my eye closed like they were super tired focusing things
  

And probably something I’m missing right now.
I spent all my money traveling in search of answers. I lost my job because of my chronic pain. I’m living a miserable life. I lost the chance to pursue a blooming career in music. I simply cannot accept this scenario, I need at least to give a name to this monster.
I hope someone will see himself in this story, and maybe some hint could come up. This would have an inestimable value for me.
Wish you all the best, and thanks ❤️

About 2 weeks ago I (Male 20) was walking in my home when I lost my breath and couldn't breathe for a few seconds until I coughed and managed to catch my breath again. Around the same time, I started experiencing chest pain that would come and go frequently. The pain relaxed for a few days but today the pain in my chest is returning for longer periods. Ive also been experiencing pain in my left shoulder and upper stomach as of today. I am concerned that I am experiencing the warning signs of a heart attack. Especially because I had a healthy brother pass away from a heart attack while doing physical exercise at school at only 9 years old. I'm not sure as to whether or not I should seek Medical attention since I dont have insurance. Is there any way I can rule out that this is a pending heart attack from home? Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you.
Ps: I think I should mention that last time I had a physical appointment my doctor told me that I had high cholesterol. In addition, Im also overweight (6" 250lbs"). I should also mention that I chugged a 200mg energy drink 1 day prior to experiencing these symtoms and felt strong chest pain right after finishing the drink as well. Drinking around 225mg of caffine daily was a routine for me prior to experiencing these symptoms.

hey everyone, please help me. im so convinced i have a brain tumor. okay so a week ago, i noticed this head pressure. mainly when i get up, bend down, it's like a squeezing for a few seconds..and then i get headaches on my right side, does that mean that mean there's a tumor there ?! if it was big enough to be causing headaches on one side wouldn't there be more symptoms? the headache is mostly when i get up to do things. and head just feels weird when i stand up, like weird. lightheaded, fuzzy, pressure , and idk it feels tight by my nose. please reassure me this isn't a brain tumor. im making a appointment tomorrow and if it's to far im just gonna go to the ER but I'm terrified to sleep because I'm like what if I die in my sleep? how would I know if it's a brain tumor ??? I'm only 21. i have bad anxiety. this is so scary if it's not a brain tumor my anxiety is saying what if it's a vitamin deficiency and it stops my heart it won't right?.. also the spot below my eyebrow is twitching non stop my head mainly hurts when I get up and do things UPDATE: was at the ER today. told him about this. he said he didn't feel like a CT scan was needed plus I was already having a stomach ultra sound so he said he didn't want to use to much radiation. he checked my pupils, had me follow his fingers with my eyes, walk in lines and do more stuff with my hands and I passed. does that mean I'm okay? I'll def go back if I feel worse .

After months of my practitioners barely giving me enough medicine to keep the yeast at bay following multiple rounds of powerful antibiotics. They said I qualified for the appointment based on the duration of my symptoms and the yeast not responding to traditional care. I have tested negative for STIs, autoimmune disorders, and multiple scans of my body have revealed absolutely nothing. Most of my tests have returned negative for yeast despite obvious yeast as witnessed by myself and several doctors.
My symptoms
Oral thrush mostly on tongue Burning tongue Sore throat Sore glands
Anal itching and discomfort Red yeast rashes Pain
Vaginal thrush Constant tingling and itching sensation across entire vaginal area
Severe low back and pelvic pain Occurs randomly Shoots down legs Hard to tell if nerve or muscular Started at same time as yeast
Symptoms flare with alcohol and sugar and with sweating
Has anyone gone to ID and had a successful encounter? I feel like this yeast is slowly killing me.

So it's me again, back for another rant! Life is tough, and I don't have anyone I can talk to. I'm just so tired of the way things are!
Last night me and my bestie decided to have a few drinks and just unwind, it was actually a lot of fun. We had some drinks and sang along to some music, it was overall just great. Unfortunately if everything went good, it wouldn't be much of a rant would it. The night was going fine, I had 3 cans of Mike's Hard Black cherry (super yummy and definitely recommend it) and I had 2 glasses of rum & coke, so nothing all that crazy for me compared to how much I have drank in the past. Around 3am I got hit with some mild chest pain...
The chest pain turned into a really intense pressure through my chest that ended up radiating through my back, it was nothing like what I've felt before, I get stress chest pains and honestly this experience made them seem somehow diminished in comparison. As the pain got worse I noticed I was having trouble breathing, it got so bad that I started getting nervous. Within 20 minutes of the chest pains starting I got genuinely scared and asked my bestie to take me to the hospital, anyone who knows me knows that I will avoid it at all cost so she knew that it had to be serious enough. She went into panic mode and in spite of everything I managed to stay calm and take control of the situation. As we pulled into the hospital parking lot I started feeling an almost primal fear, the type of fear you get when you think you're truly about to die.
I got to the front desk and was immediately told to come in and take vitals, they couldn't get a BP despite having the cuff on my arm for about 10 minutes, she finally gave up and asked me the usual questions about pain and stuff. Weirdly enough my arms decided to shift between pain and numbness and I suddenly started slurring while trying to explain myself, that was when all "care" was off limits to me. Our hospital has a bad habit of sweeping people under the rug if they even remotely suspect alcohol use, but the thing is I was fine moments before going in... I was perfectly coherent and I actually felt completely sober thanks probably to adrenaline or fear. I was sent back to the waiting area and told to just wait my turn, and things went from bad to worse quickly.
I didn't know that I had passed out, my bestie filled in the blanks for me. Apparently while we sat there waiting I kept coughing roughly, my eyes rolled to the back of my head, and apparently I kept making weird movements with my tongue sticking out. She said the best way of describing it is "I was behaving like I'd been severely drugged and suddenly seemed to spiral quickly". When I came too I was still in the waiting room, freezing, in severe pain (I don't do well in cold environments and the hospital is always freezing), and feeling just beyond exhausted. When I asked her about if we were even checked on she confirmed my thoughts... we were left there, away from other patients, out of sight of anyone who could help if things got deadly.
After managing to stand up I looked at my bestie and said that I didn't want to be there anymore because no one cared about me, she agreed with me on the terms that if anything else happened we'd go back immediately. When I went back to triage to tell them I was leaving the nurse gave me a smug look and asked if I was feeling better or do I just want to leave, so I answered with "better isn't the word I'd use but dying at home seems like a better option". She ripped the IV plug out of my arm (which I frankly don't remember having one inserted), and told me to have a good day. I felt so angry! The experience triggered my PTSD from the last time I went to the hospital (long story short, I was kept isolated in a room soaking wet and freezing until the department I needed decided to take me in).
I could have died, and no one would've cared because they suspected I was drunk!!! What if no one came to check on me at all?! What if they only found out I died because my bestie couldn't wake me?! Would they have maybe cared than? Or would they have just said "oh well she drank"? It's infuriating to be treated like nothing just because there was a little bit of alcohol involved, like I said I wasn't drunk and actually felt sober! My condition deteriorated rapidly over the course of a 5 minute car ride. I spent the whole day just feeling rough!
After we left the hospital my body just doesn't feel right. My chest feels fuzzy/bubbly, I don't know how to better describe the feeling as well as feeling tight. My breathing still feels really labored like it's taking a lot of effort to just keep going, and small things are leaving me feeling winded. All day I couldn't shake this weird chronic fatigue, I'm just drained of all energy. And I've been noticing my arms go completely numb if I lean on them, which is super alarming. As long as nothing else happens in between I'm planning on following up with my doctor because at least she's taking me seriously, if something else does happen though were gonna take the 3+ hour drive to the next nearest hospital. The scary thing is, that weird primal fear still hasn't gone away and I'm nervous about that!

Age: 22
Sex: F
Height: 5’1”
Weight: 164 lbs
Race: hispanic
Duration of complaint: 3 months
Location: abdomen
Currently have high cholesterol. bad cholesterol count of 103 according to my primary care.
Current medications: metoclopramide 5mg. sertraline 25mg, pantoprazole 40mg
i’ll include pictures of some tests that i’ve had done in the comments if i can.
Gonna try to include as best of a description of my symptoms as i can, i’ll also try to edit anything if it makes my description better.
this all started 2 months ago. literally the last week of february. at the time i wasn’t on any type of medication. nothing changed in my eating habits, except for the fact that i’d had panda express for the 1st time ever starting in february.
i became constipated suddenly one afternoon and this continued for a week. went to the doctor and i was sent to get a ct scan. but obviously, i’m not familiar with medical terms. from what i understand, there’s evidence of slow transit through my small bowel, but don’t know where or why exactly.
symptoms include: constipation accompanied by side and abdominal discomfort/aches/ pains. my upper abdominal area aches a lot some days. it feels as if the area right under the breast bones wants to cramp up. i feel burning in my stomach and abdomen too. gas is hard to pass somedays and feels trapped. i also have upper back aches. doctor told me it’s because of my small intestine. i also have lower back aches as well, but was told it could be because of kidney stones i didn’t even know i had, but just thought i’d mention this. i have diarrhea (once i went and it was very watery,) loose stools, stools with mucus and pieces of undigested food, mainly meat, of varying shapes and consistencies. the mucus on my stool is clear and white and appears like strings on my stool. sometimes i’ll have a semi normal movement, but with mucus. sometimes my stool will be thin, in small pieces, or just very loose even after a “normal” bowel movement. other times i’ll go but it’s just mucus. all my stools are also slimey in texture from what i can tell. also, everytime i wipe my stool it’s yellow in color with mucus and/or clear fluid. sometimes i’ll have this urgency to go despite being constipated.
also, not sure if this has to do with my current condition but have been wiping light red blood after i go, both with my more solid stools and loose ones. in one instance i even wiped only blood. there’s also been times where i’ve seen streaks of blood on my stool too. clear fluid also seems to be leaking out of my anal area…. clear mucus sometimes too. this causes my anal area and the inside of it to itch and sting. it feels like that sometimes after a bowel movement, even if it’s soft, other times it just feels itchy throughout the day, even if there is no anal leakage or if i don’t go to the bathroom. the mucus that comes out sometimes has pieces of stool/liquid that is the color of my stool. even with the supplements and meds i’ve been given, i’m lucky if I go even once a day now, but constipation is getting worse in my opinion.
in late march/early april i started to experience nausea, heartburn, acid reflux, and severe loss of appetite. all of these symptoms have persisted since. i no longer eat any of the food i used to. i can’t eat fast food or meat any more. i’m sticking to fruit, no citrusy fruits, crackers, soups, and cereal with almond or lactose free milk. even with these changes in diet my symptoms have persisted.
i eat very little because i just don’t feel hunger like i used to at all. even if i do i find that i get full very easily. i’m bloated after i eat as well. also, like i said i’m constipated so my bowel movement are little to none.
i currently still have all of the symptoms above and they don’t seem to be improving.
in a addition to a ct scan i’ve gotten tested for a blood infection, negative. celiac disease blood test came back negative. stool test for h pylori came back negative. a test to find if there was any blood digested and present in my stool came back negative. a stool test that was done to measure levels of fat in my stool came back indicating normal levels of fat in my stool. i also got an ultra sound for lumps that appeared on my abdomen but it was found that they were just fatty lumps. i also got an endoscopy in late april where 3 tissue biospies were taken. apparently, the 3 things they tested for all came back negative. other than a bacterial infection, i have no idea what else they ruled out. i’m not even white sure what bacterial infections they ruled out.
honestly, i’m getting more questions than answers at the moment and just want to know if there’s any more testing that i should ask for. what could possibly be happening to me and why?